#i have sooo much fun indulging in this world its crazy

[fishnoodles]

I wanted to make a hypothetical cover to my fic so I indulged ^_^ It's a parody of fabiniku's volume 1 cover of course

[elfdyke]

i love your blog so much. thank you for talking about misogyny genuinely you always have the best posts about it sometimes i feel insane online at the stuff i see and your posts make me go okay i am right to feel this way actually. also thank you for posting about roe and pewter i am genuinely so obsessed with their dynamic. and a final thank you for always finding the best women to post about always like every time i get into something new that you're also into i come to your blog and here you are. posting about the best character from it. you get it like nobody else has ever gotten it before. and also your art rules

i was talking with my friend about this as well it really does make you feel like youre going crazy 😭 its definitely a real thing and it sucks and its frustrating! i think its worth discussing and pointing out and being frustrated about <3

HEHE I SMILED SO BIG.. that makes me so happy <3 i love roe and pewter and their story sooo much.. the complex female centric media that the world needs. iiin my opinion ^_^ <3

also RAHH <3 well i love complex female characters so dearly so i will always be indulging in a little analyzing them and having fun with them ^_^ im actually just rewatching arcane and jinx is doing just terrible things to my brain KJDFNKGD EMBRACING YOU SO MUCH !! thank you for the sweet ask i truly appreciate it !!<3

[aleeyenn]

hi um . that other person encouraged me to also gush abt ur designs but i also find a lot of myself in ur pin design .... as an also plus sized woman of color i find so much of myself in your design . i love baking and i love indulging in feminine things in the sense of like "yes i am a woman . yes i love to scream to very hard and fast paced songs . yes i have bigender swag ." even tho i do like feel myself as pretty masc aligning (it fluctuates a lot) i love ur design and see so much of myself in it . as well as that other person ive always felt i cant sorta be into alt stuff but recently ive sorta dabbled in it (i got the fingerless gloves ive always wanted so bad like a month ago !!!! and it was so exciting :-))) and just seeing ur pin design made me realize i can do whatever i want and i dont have to conform to my parents or my friends or my school's or anyone's expectations for my presentation of gender identity and femininity . i can wear nice frilly dresses with puffs and ribbons and have those fake vampire teeth and skeleton fingerless gloves and black clunky boots with a bright pastel pink bow in my hair if i so please . so um thank you a lot i love ur pin design and um bye bye have a nice day !!!!!!! also also rq i have to say erm if you have like literally any more gijinkas / humanizations ever pleaaseeee post them .love your art a lot ive been following you for a bit and uh apologies for bizexual ranting im just a little crazy /lh ok bye have a nice day i hope very good things come to you

YOU G UYYSS ARE GONNA MAKE ME CRY😢😢😢😢😢HAPPY TEARS OF COURSE BUTGAAHH HH H I NEVER KNEW MY ART WOULD HAVE SUCH AN IMPACT ON PEOPLE EVEN THO ITS WHAT IVE WANTED FOREVER😢😢😢 im so so so so grateful SO GRATEFUL YOU DONT GRT IT I REALLY TRULY MEAN IT pleasepleaseplease to you anon and the other anon and anyone else who needs to hear it BEEE YOURSELFFFF!!! don’t worry about what any community, family, friends, peers, ANYONE wants you to be because what’s the fun in that? not being able to express yourself the way you want to is so boring and doesn’t allow you to be what you want and not being what you want is neither gratifying or truthful! you don’t have to be true to anyone else besides yourself be TRUE to yourself and let yourself be the person you are!!! i’m sure you wouldn’t wanna hold anyone back so don’t let anyone hold YOU back!!! im gonna embarrass myself here but it’s for the sake of this talk But in elementary—early middle school i was a FREAAAKING wolf kid i wore ears and tails and everything but what stopped me???weird glances or rude comments? Nope! NOTHING!!! because being the person i was at the time felt amazing! and looking back at it sure it’s a bit humiliating but i still love that part of myself because i was so free in being me!!! and i look up to me being that person to this day and i won’t stop being myself! i won’t mask or dress a certain way that people want me to or hide parts of myself that make myself me because that’s who i am!!! and i heavily encourage ALL OF YOU to follow my footsteps and be the person you are!!! trust me if everyone in the world behaved and looked and did whatever the same the world would be sooo boring so be the spark of someone’s day and BE YOURSELF!!! who knows maybe you’ll be the person that breaks someone out of their shell to become what they wanna be too! do what makes you happy and follow your heart, don’t let anyone EVER block you from achieving that, never hold yourself against any standard or forum and do what you need to do to be your best self… so to you anon and everyone who needs it Go get some fishnets go get some cute bows go get lacy dresses go get cool looking belts go get ANYTHING THAT CALLS YOUR NAME! find yourself!!! even if it’s a pair of wolf ears and a tail, go for it! i believe in you!!!💗

[yukipage]

Antithesis: Chapter 14 (Darkiplier/Reader)

Characters: Darkiplier, Reader

Summary: Choices is the theme of the day, when you land in the other dimension. Some unimportant, some life-changing. What will you pick?

While it may be fine for a simple piece of paper, traveling across dimensions unsheltered as a complex organism comes with some… complications. The space between realities is nothing to sneeze at, so the demon has to rush them through to ensure their physical and mental healths are in peak condition for the super-duper ultra, very exciting half-time game. Not that he would have any trouble speeding the process along; on the contrary, it was quite easy for him. The demon had nearly unlimited power and that could get terribly boring from time to time. Piddly actions, such as limiting Darkimoo’s teleportation, he could perform with a snap of his fingers. Only the greatest of feats came with a power limitation, and a small one at that: consent. At least two parties involved had to be willing participators. It was becoming increasingly too simple to manipulate his subjects into doing something fun, though. Ah, well. This new game should be exhilarating, if at least for a short while. One of the chosen players has proven to be extremely interesting, a good choice if he does say so himself. She holds the potential to amuse even outside the game, if he can clear the conditions. Just as much of a child as he is a strategist, the demon wiggles on his throne in eagerness of what is to come.

You can sense the change in surroundings as soon as you close your eyes. Darkiplier is gone from your arms and you feel a cold surface appear below you, offering no solace. It is as if the journey through the portal had taken no time at all. Your tensed body relaxes slightly and your eyelids open. You are in a most curious room. The walls, black in color, swirl and wisp like smoke trapped behind glass. The floor is made of the same material. You run your hand over it; it’s as smooth as polished stone. Despite the shade of it all, the windowless room is well-lit from several mounted lights dotting the walls. A luxurious canopy bed stands to one side with a dressing table next to it. Atop the little table sits a clear basin, filled to the brim with what seems to be water, and a cup. Your thirst once again hits you at full force and you scramble over to the container. Snatching up the cup, you only hesitate for a second before plunging it into the liquid. You drain the glass in one gulp and fill it again and again, hardly savoring the feel of cool, sweet water running down your throat. You drink until you can hold no more, then tiredly shuffle over to the bed. The water sloshes around in your overfull stomach as you sink into the mattress and heave a sigh of contentment. You swear to yourself that you never again will take water for granted. Now that your thirst has been quenched, you sit up and try to get your bearings.

You absentmindedly run your finger through the coating of dust and sweat on your arm. What you would have expected is for the stupid half-time game to have started already. Instead, the demon just split the group up. You assume that the others are in different parts of this… house? Building? You don’t even know what kind of structure you are in. You attempt to ignore your aching body as you cross the floor to open one of the two doors located in this room. Door number one leads, surprisingly, to a bathroom. It carries the same aesthetic as the rest of the room, but never-the-less seems to be a normal restroom, shower and all. A small pile of white cloth is folded neatly on the closed toilet lid. You graze your hand over the fabric and gasp. It’s the softest thing that you’ve ever had the pleasure to feel. Smooth and silky, your fingers pass over it almost frictionlessly. Gingerly, you pick it up and realize that it’s a sleeveless dress. Fresh undergarments lie tucked underneath it. You hold the item up to the mirror. It seems to be your size, but it’s pearly white pleated folds starkly contrast with the layers of dirt covering your skin and laced into your bedraggled hair. You resolve to take a shower.

After spending nearly an hour indulging yourself under the pleasantly cool water while scrubbing the grime off of your body, you step out of the shower and dry yourself off. You slip on the clean undergarments and the dress. Immediately, you are in heaven. The dress flows over your form like water and feels lighter than air. Moving your hips back and forth, you swish it playfully around. Another glance in mirror takes your breath away. Even with your wet, stringy hair, you look like an Egyptian goddess.

Your senses return to you when you step back into the main room. As far as you can see, you only have two choices. Option A: cocoon yourself in the blankets on the comfy bed and sleep until something happens. Option B: go through the second door and see if it leads somewhere; if it does, explore said somewhere until you find someone. Something, somewhere, someone; neither of these plans are very specific. First you need to test if option B is even possible. You pull the door open a crack and peek out. It opens up to a hallway lined with doors, stretching far to an adjacent passageway. Glancing back in the room, you stare longingly at the bed.

Screw it, you can’t just sit here and do nothing. You step into the hallway barefoot, loathe to put back on your defiled shoes. You leave the door open. The corridor stretches just as far to your right as it does to your left. In a moment of decision, you turn right. As you go, you try several doors. All of them seem to be locked. When you reach the end, you turn right again. Try every door in the corridor. This time turn left at the end. Wash, rinse, repeat. You quickly lose yourself in the maze of doors. The sameness of it all and the hopelessness that comes with being completely and utterly lost starts to unnerve you. You feel as if you are doomed to wander these halls for all eternity, always searching and never finding anything. Then you turn another corner for what feels like the millionth time and run headlong into a giant ring.

Rubbing your tender forehead, you step back and see that the giant ring is in fact a handle attached to a large door. You shrug and start to tug on the handle. It opens more easily than you would think for a door that size. You peep in.

The entrance leads to a massive chamber. Rows upon rows of chairs line the space, parting only in the middle for a blood red carpet. At the end of the carpet, steps lead up to a gigantic geometrically shaped throne. On the throne sits a small shadowy figure dwarfed by the largeness of its surroundings. The figure is humanoid in shape, but with no distinguishing features except for an unsettlingly large mouth, stretched into a grin, and two white, pupil-less eyes. Those eyes happen to be trained on your person. The figure speaks. “Hey there girly! Why don’t you come on down? I’ve been wait’n for sooo looong.” He spoke with the voice of the demon. This was the demon. You never thought that he had a physical form, let alone that you would ever see it. You open the door just wide enough for you to step through and start down the aisle. It’s not like you have a choice or anything.

You venture to speak as you walk. “I thought...” Your voice cracks. You start over. “I, uh, thought we were supposed to start your game or whatever.”

“Heeheehee,” the demon giggles. “That we will, that we will. I just wanted some alone time with you before the fun begins. You know, so we can talk.”

“Talk?” You grow bolder as you stop at the steps. “What could I possibly have to talk about with you?” Once you are close, you get a good measure of his actual size. He’s no larger than a child. The eyes and mouth still unsettle you though.

“I have a proposition for you. One might call it… hmmm, shall we say, a deal?”

You step back and throw your hands up defensively. “Oh no. No way. Your deals have caused nothing but trouble for me and for Dark.”

“But this one would solve aaall of your problems. And you even get to choose which one to take! Option A or Option B.” He winks at you.

“What? How did you…”

“Option A. After we finish these games, it’ll be no fun with either Darkimoo or Glitchy just running around by themselves.” The demon makes what you assume is a pouty face. “So, I’ll take them out of their hosts for you! See? That would make your life so much easier! Darkimoo would be out of your hair forever and ever and ever. You would go back to normal.”

You stare at him in shock. “Would Mark and Jack be alive?”

“Of course, silly. That’s easy-peasy, lemon-squeezy.”

You gulp. It seemed like everything that you had been striving for. And yet… Something unsettling nags at the pit of your stomach. You do you best to suppress it. “So what’s the catch then?”

“Wait, wait, wait! You haven’t heard Option B yet! B is the real kicker. It’d keep me entertained for a long while. I’m sure you’ll like this one.” The demon rests his chin on his hand, his elbow supported by the arm of the throne. “I could make Darkimoo fall in love with you,” he croons with a sly grin.

You turn as red as the carpet you're standing on. “Are you crazy?” you stutter. “ I’m not… he’s not… I wouldn’t… Why? I don’t…” He presses his fingers against his thumb and your mouth clacks shut involuntarily.

“Oh please, my dear,” he spits out mockingly. “It’s so painfully obvious. You run back and forth with him, all over the world, without protest. Don’t tell me you aren’t enjoying the time spent with him. Enjoyed him holding you. You do everything he asks you to.” You mumble a muffled protest. “And what girl wouldn’t fall in love with a man like that? He’s saved your life three times, carried you on his back, offered to give you anything you desired. And what a dreamboat, smart, powerful, handsome, and with that amaaazingly sensual voice. Ah,” The demon pretends to swoon. “The real Markimoo would never even glance your way. But this one? He would be yours. All he would need is a little nudge in the right direction. You would never be lonely again. And, I’ll even throw in the removal of Glitchy. How ‘bout them apples?”

Through this whole speech, you shrink smaller and smaller into yourself with every word uttered. He just might be right. He just might… Oh, who are you kidding? Of course he’s right. You want to smack the living daylights out of yourself for being so stupid. You? Fall in love with a being that kidnapped you, locked you up, and dragged you around half the world? How could anyone be so ridiculous? Yet, it is true. Every single word that he says is true. He releases his hold on your mouth. “Well? What do you have to say?”

You feel like a cornered animal. You lick your lips nervously and swallow, your mouth suddenly very, very dry. Eventually, you find your voice. “F-fine. You win.” You hang your head in defeat. “I, uh…”

“You love…”

“I love… dang it! Don’t make me say it!” Tears stream down your cheeks.

The demon cackles. “I knew it! I knew it, I knew it. So, now that everything is laid bare on your end, I’ll expose mine. In exchange for either of my lovely proposals, I get the right to inhabit your body until the game is finished. Then I’ll do what you’ll have me do and be on my way. It’s simple, really. A bargain, if I do say so myself.”

“You want to inhabit my body? Like possess me?”

“Yeppers. And only for a teensy weensy amount of time. However. There is another catch. This deal is available if and only if you win the super-duper fantabulous extra-exciting half-time game. You get to make you choice at that time and what happens, happens.”

Your mind reels. This is so much, too much to handle. You’ll have to choose one way or another; you might not even get to if you lose. What if you don’t take the deal? Then there’s a hundred percent chance of either Sean dying or… Darkiplier and Mark dying. You don’t think you would be able to survive either one. You tell yourself not to be selfish. You tell yourself that you’re better than this. You should pick A. Regardless of morals, you still don’t know which one you would choose and it eats you up inside. You sigh. “I’ll take the deal then. When I win.”

“Excellent. The game can begin now! Let’s bring out our brilliant contestants!”

|A03| |Chapter 1| |Chapter 2| |Chapter 3| |Chapter 4| |Chapter 5| |Chapter 6| |Chapter 7| |Chapter 8| |Chapter 9| |Chapter 10| |Chapter 11| |Chapter 12| |Chapter 13| |Chapter 15|

[yungtal333]

Hey gyals,

Welcome back to Roseconnexa for another blog post.

How are you feeling today? 

Before we continue; we should take a moment to center ourselves.

Focus on your breath and release any tension in you shoulders. 

Alright now..

Today’s topic is about some of my travel experiences.

I’m giving you guys my Top 5 Places to Travel.  

If you’re looking for a dope vacation spot for the summer; then this is the right post for you.

Traveling is definitely a hobby of mine. I try to travel as often as I can.

And, when I do, I like to emerge myself in the moment and in the culture.

I talk tons of pictures of course but I do it for the purpose of keeping memories.

I try to stay off my phone as much as I can while on vacation too.

So, traveling to another country works for me because I usually don’t have service unless I’m on Wifi.

Attending a Caribbean medical school; gave me the great opportunity to actually live in another country.

I lived  in Anguilla for almost two years. And, Anguilla is definitely on my top 5 list.

Now, I get to travel with my fiance!

His football journey has allowed us to move to Richmond, Va and now to West Virginia.

We love the experience, because we get to see new places. And, we get to travel with each other.

I couldn’t imagine sharing this journey with anyone else.

AND, when I pass my exams; we will have to move to Chicago. I literally can not wait for that!

Okay enough of all that… let me gave you guys what ya came for.

Here’s my Top 5 Places to Travel this summer. 

Anguilla

    Anguilla is my #1 place to travel.

Anguilla is a small Caribbean island that’s located next to St. Maarten.

It has some of the world’s most gorgeous beaches.

The local people are so nice. The local food is delicious and fresh.

Anguilla should really be on everyone’s bucket-list!

Living in Anguilla; I got to experience the culture, the beaches and, really the Caribbean way of life all together .

I LOVED living there.

I love Anguilla so much that I plan on getting married there in Februrary of next year.

This summer, my fiance and I are planning to take a trip to Anguilla ourselves.

We have to officially start the wedding planning process.

YES, a destination wedding in Anguilla. Sounds like a fairy-tale to me. Thank you Hubby!

My favorite thing to do while in Anguilla is of course to, hit the beach.

Anguilla has sooo many beaches to choose from. It’s pretty ridic.

Most of them have bars and restaurants too! So, you’ll be great hands.

The resorts on Anguilla are something spectacular. And, the villas OMG! My favorite would have to be the Four Seasons. Which is on one of Anguilla’s most popular beaches; Meads Bay.

I experienced so much in Anguilla. This blog would be way to long if I kept going on about it. So, I’ll save the rest for another blog post.

But, to sum everything up; Anguilla is one of my favorite places in the world.

It’s a small island with a lot to do. The beaches are breathtaking and to die for. The locals are welcoming and there are so many great restaurants to dine at. There are two islands around; that you can visit too while spending time in Anguilla.

It can be a little expensive but it is so worth it. You can get some great pictures in Anguilla too.

And, better yet you can get some much-needed rest.. if the chickens permit.

If you want to have some real fun; visit Anguilla during carnival week. Their carnival is during the first week of August. When I tell you that its way too lit!!

I never seen so many people on the island before attending Anguilla’s carnival. You will have the time of your life. Trust me.

Belize

  My fiance and I, got to visit Belize during a seven day cruise for his birthday.

We absolutely fell in love with the island.

Well, Belize is actually a mainland that’s on the east coast of Central America.

Spending one day in Belize was not enough. We def plan to visit Belize again.

Maybe for our honeymoon or something! We shall see.

There is literally so much to do in Belize.

Things like visiting the Mayan ruins, ziplining, and ATV tours.

My fiance and I didn’t have a lot of time to do everything so, we just stuck to cave tubing.

Funny enough; we actually thought that we choose a tour that would take us to the Mayan ruins.

But, caving tubing worked out for the better because it was so HOT.

And, cave tubing was cool asf. In both temperature and in sights.

We didn’t try any local food but we were able to eat local fruits and plants. Which were very delicious, I might add.

Overall, I think Belize is a great place to travel to because it is huge!

And, there is so much to do and see. Even while just driving around we saw so much.

Our tour guide was really great too.

I literally can’t wait to go back.

St. Kitts & Nevis

  It wouldn’t be right if I didn’t put my dad’s home country on my top 5 list.

St.Kitts & Nevis is actually pretty close to Anguilla. On a good day, you can see St.Kitts from Anguilla. It’s quite cool.

I have visited St.Kitts (SK) so many times throughout my life.

Nevis is a sister island that is literally right next door. I’ve visited there I think only once for their carnival. It was SOOO fun.

I love SK because it is literally home to me. I first visited when I was 9 months old.

And, growing up we would visit at least once a year. We would stay for a month or two!

One of the best experiences I can remember in SK is when, my family and I climbed through the volcano.

Yes a VOLCANO, you guys. It was about the coolest thing that I have ever done.

We climbed to the top and had lunch on a ledge at top of the volcano (where lava spits out at). Don’t worry though, the volcano is dormant! We were safe but, not safe from the monkey’s who decided to throw half eaten banana at us.

That adventure inside the tropical rainforest and through the volcano took all day! And, after, we all slept like babies. It was a big deal hike. A hike that I would do again and again if I could.

SK is truly a beautiful and upcoming place. So much to do and see. And, the local is amazing.

SK has a cool downtown area which is usually busy during the day. They even have a movie theater there (well last time I went they did!).

When we visit we usually stay at our family home. The home my father and his siblings grew up in.

But, I have stayed at the Marriott Resort in SK. It’s beautiful and very private. And, great place to stay on vacation!

Like my Anguilla experiences; I could keep going on and on. But, I’m keeping it short for the sake of my hands and for you guys.

I will have another post about that’s all St. Kitts in the future. So please stay tuned.

Overall, SK is one country that you have to see in this life.

The culture and the land is beautiful beyond words.

And, having monkeys throw stuff at you or steal your alcoholic beverages is a just plus!

Toronto

  Toronto is probably one of the coolest cities that I’ve gotten the chance to visit.

The city is so inspiring and they have legalized medical marijuana. So, that’s a big plus!

I didn’t have a lot of time in the city. But, I got to see so many cool things.

I took a picture of the CN tower but unfortunately I cannot find it. BOOO!

Toronto is such an artsy city. It almost reminds me of Philadelphia in a way.

It’s a great city to visit; especially during Caribana.

When I visited Toronto; Caribana had just ended.

But, trust that I got the festival vibes.  There were decorations still hanging up around the city. So, that was pretty cool to see.

If you go in during the summer; be prepared for some serious heat though.

And, find this place called Graffiti Alley.

Graffiti Alley has some killer killer artwork.

I took so many pictures of all the creative pieces. They still inspire me to this day!

I also saved a Canadian five dollar bill as a souvenir. Their money is super cool.

St. Lucia

  Oh St. Lucia, how I love you so.

St. Lucia is one of the most greenest islands that I have ever experienced.

It also has so many mountains. Like the famous Piton Mountains.

I went to St. Lucia with four of my classmates.

We decided that after our hardest semester of medical school; that we would take a seven-day cruise around the Caribbean.

It was a great experience to say the least.

We miss cruise!

While in St. Lucia, we did so many things.

We went to the Sulphur Springs to indulge in super hot volcano water and a mud bath.

When I tell you that that water was HOTTTTT. But, it felt sooo good beyond good.

Definitely visit the mud baths while you’re in St. Lucia.

We also took a tour around the island.

We stopped on the side of the road a couple of times too.

Once to take pictures with snakes and some locals.

And, another time to try banana flavored foods; like banana ketchup!

It was surprisingly really good (in my opinion). I bought some home for my family to try!

St. Lucia is known for their banana industry in fact

There are so many banana farms; it’s actually kind of crazy.

The adventure in St. Lucia were truly unforgettable.

I hope to visit again one day. I need a week vacation there. That would be LIFE.

There you have it loves.

My Top 5 favorite places that you should definitely visit this summer.

If you want more information about any of the places on my Top 5 List; then please contact me. 

You can write me, DM me or comment in the section below!

I want to help you reach your travel goals.

I have been to more places than the ones I’ve listed today too.

So, if you are interested in me sharing more of my travel experiences then COMMENT IN THE COMMENT SECTION BELOW.

I’ll definitely be sharing more about Anguilla and my experience while living on the island as a Caribbean medical student.

I also want to share more about my experiences growing up and being blessed and able to visit St. Kitts every year.

So, STAY TUNED!!

Thank you for reading this far. You’re support means the world to me.

As always dolls,

If you like this post—->

Like it,

share it,

comment below

and, follow my Blog!

You Can Also Follow Me on Social Media:

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Until next time….

Stay Happy, Grateful and Aware. xoxo

With love,

Troi. 

  Travel Blog: Top 5 Places You Should Travel To This Summer (With Pictures) Hey gyals, Welcome back to Roseconnexa for another blog post. How are you feeling today?  Before we continue; we should take a moment to center ourselves. 1,896 more words

[drblueneck]

To you, 2000 years from now

(sooo, this was written in like 30 minutes for fun because I was bored. And because I like reincarnation stories. Sorry for the mistakes and nonsense, I’m just indulging myself!)

Someday, we’ll meet up again. I’ll find you.

You were brought crying and kicking in this new world, mouth wide open and tiny hands clenched into tight fists that waved angrily around and caught your new father on the chin.

You don’t remember, but there was this searing pain running through your body – your skin felt too tight on your body, ready to burst at the seams, and your only outlet was to scream and tell this new, peaceful world how unhappy and sad you were.

Then you grew up – of course you did – and the pain ebbed away as you got used to this new skin and flesh. Dreams – memories – plagued you though you could never quite remember them when you woke up in tears, scrambling onto your father and mother’s bed, hiding under the covers from gigantic monsters whose teeth showed under perpetually stretched lips.

Sometimes, your parents would look at you with confused eyes when you talk – zoning out and whispering about Titans and walls and death. They were scared but never said it out loud, and would forget about it the next second as you’d jolt out of whatever it was you were thinking, going back to your cheerful self.

(They once asked who Mikasa was – you cried, but didn’t understand why.)

And years passed, and memories blurred into dreams, and dreams were forgotten. Sometimes, in the street, you caught yourself staring hard at faces, as if searching for someone. There was this feeling that you grew familiar with – like the world was growing in your chest, and threatened to blow at any moment. In those times, when the feeling was too much to bear and you couldn’t breathe, you’d look up at the sky, standing on your tiptoes as if if you stood inches taller, maybe you’d reach it.

The sky – be it blue, grey, or starless – always made you feel at peace, and you always wondered if somewhere, someone would be standing like you, heart beating in their throat, counting backwards from twenty and wishing for wings to burst from your back to just… fly away.

The more time passed and the more caged you felt – this feeling of uneasiness in your own skin, the feeling of not belonging, the restlessness settled deep in your bones…

But you went on – trudged through life with sheer stubbornness, like you always did. You played pretend (everything is fine, nothing is wrong, I’m okay), tried feeling the void by losing yourself inside other people (disgruntled when the far away thought of swallowing them came to you, wondering if maybe this way you’d feel whole again).

Nothing ever worked, but you grew used to it, and walked around in a perpetual daze (who am I? Who am I? who am I, who am I, who am I?...)

Friends called it the blues, doctors called it anxiety.

You called it insanity, but kept quiet about it.

And then—

“Eren?”

—you meet her. Dark hair falling into darker eyes, pale lips slightly open in disbelief, a hand already rising as if to touch you only to limply fall back at her sides.

“Mi… kasa.”

And the world falls back on its axis – and the broken pieces come back together – and you don’t feel so alone anymore.

.

.

.

She’s younger than you this time around. Only a teenager, barely out of middle school but eyes already too old to fit in such a young face. She has two brothers, both older – after she told you that, an awkward silence fell at your table. You remember – yet you don’t, really. How are you supposed to talk to someone you never knew in this life, yet was so important to you in another?

Her eyes try to stay on her hot chocolate, but often stray towards yours, and there’s something like longing written on her face. You think it’s maybe the same one that’s etched on yours, fingers gripping your cup hard in fear of losing yourself to the need – the need to pull her close, to touch her, to make sure she’s real and that you’re not completely alone in this madness.

Mikasa makes the decision for you, her feet hooking around your ankles.

“It’s okay,” she says in a small voice. “I’m scared too.”

With that, your shoulders slump forward and a wry smile twists your lips.

“Did you meet others… like us?”

A shake of the head, and a muttered confession, “I thought I was crazy. Still wonder if I am.” Her hold on your ankles tightens, and you scoot closer to her as if to confirm you’re real.

The both of you don’t care what it looks like to the other customers glancing at your table – a man in his mid-twenties getting too close for comfort to a young girl who doesn’t look like him in the slightest.

There are tears that won’t fall in Mikasa’s eyes as she holds your stare – something akin to pity and understanding in her almond-shape eyes. “You’ve been alone for so much longer than me… I’m so sorry we couldn’t meet earlier.”

You don’t remember her being so sensitive, and don’t know what to do with such an emotional Mikasa. Your body remembers though – your hand comes up and slides up her nape before your fingers sank in her hair, ruffling it with all your might. She doesn’t look impress, but the pain and guilt has left her face.

“Don’t be an idiot – stop worrying about me. I’m the adult. I should do the worrying!”

Dainty fingers slide through her hair, putting it back in place. It was weird to associate this young, frail girl to the fierce one you – or rather, the other you – once grew up with.

“But you’re Eren,” she says with a strong emphasis on your name. “I’ll always worry about you.”

But you’re not. It’s true – you’re Eric Hermann, with a job you don’t like and student loans you have to pay back. You’re not Eren – you don’t have the green eyes that look past you in your dreams, you don’t have the muscles needed to fight against monsters, and you certainly don’t transform into one.

Like this girl is not Eren’s Mikasa – she looks like her, true, but lacks the assertiveness of the woman who had pledged her life to who you once were.

It’s confusing, and you’d rather not think about all that. So you just wordlessly give her your cell, expecting her to punched her number in. She doesn’t ask questions, and seems relieved to have a way to contact you.

She doesn’t send herself a text though, nor does she ask you to. You’re grateful that she would not pressure you into seeing each other again. And maybe she’s letting herself an out, too – a possibility to leave this forgotten world behind now that you’re both moderately sure your minds aren’t playing tricks on you two.

When you part ways a bit later, she stares at you with unreadable eyes. (You can’t help but wonder if that’s what you looked like younger, when you would talk about Titans and walls and death as your parents would stand there with confusion in their eyes.)

“Thank you.”

“What for?” you ask with a bemused smile.

“Keeping your promise.”

You momentarily frown, but let it go. You know it’s no use trying to understand something the old, dead Mikasa is trying to communicate to the old, dead Eren. Nonetheless, the tight feeling in your chest loosens and a sense of accomplishment rings clear through you. You feel happy, you feel at peace.

The young Mikasa blinks several times, gives you a wide, toothy grin and waves her hand as she goes away, a little spring in her step.

Head tilted back, you look at the sky. For once, it doesn’t feel like the world is growing in-between your ribs. It doesn’t feel like your skin is too tight and ready to crack open.

Eyes trailing after wispy clouds, you can only wonder if this is the beginning of your new life – the one you’ve been waiting for without realizing. The one you were born to live.

And lighter than you’ve ever felt, you think that at last, everything will be okay.