#i have told myself that if the work in my department lasts until my lunch break i will stay all day. if not. i want to leave

[kurthorton-moving]

Craving violence so i had to log onto my pin cushion

[jewish-vents]

Being ethnically Jewish, adopted by goyim, and only connecting to my heritage and my culture as an adult was hard enough considering I became an adult in 2016. Since then my dad has become a full-blown conspiracy theorist, Trump supporter, and rabid Islamophobe. He's gotten involved in this weird offshoot of Evangelicals who think nothing bad can happen to "the Jews" (he NEVER calls us Jewish people, or people at all) so according to him there is no rise in antisemitism. Things have been like this forever. There is no rise in hate crimes or hate speech. The CIA, FBI, NSA, NAACP, and Jews are all lying or mistaken because his conspiracy buddies say so.

I get called slurs and babykiller and pedophile every day when I go to work on campus. (Apparently goyim think we lick babies' private parts? Their kinks baffle me.) My coworkers make pointed remarks or talk about hoping Hamas wins and look at me just daring me to get offended or fight them or report them to the department head, who they and I both know would side with them. I am taking care of my disabled father and my newfound stray-who-chose-me dog, I have been repairing the attic and spare room because my sister and her daughter have to move in at the end of the month due to their rent being hiked up suddenly, and I am recovering from having a bleeding ulcer back in December, during which I lost over half the blood in my body.

And added onto all of this work, I can't even come home to peace and quiet. I come home to more and more conspiracy garbage. My adoptive dad was always emotionally abusive and has untreated Bipolar Disorder. He's never been kind to me. But now he's dehumanizing me, saying things like "the Jews and people" as if those are separate categories, rambling about "the mystery of the Jews" which appears to be how we survived if people actually hated us (which is apparently in question), and constantly, consistently, repeatedly talking about the Holocaust. I got up to get peanut butter for breakfast because I'm so busy that breakfast is two spoons of peanut butter and I couldn't even get that this morning without being told actually, it's Jewish people's fault for dying during the Holocaust because they knew it was coming and could've gotten out.

I'm a bad person.

I snapped. I just started screaming. Not words, not even syllables, just full-body, loud, long screams to drown out everything he said. I screamed until my voice gave out and then I clamped my hands over my ears, shut my eyes and waited until I had enough breath to bolt for my room, throw on non-pajama clothes, and went to work. I can't take it. I can't take this. I can't deal with this. I didn't apologize and I'm not going to because if I do I might have to hear more of it and it's too much. When I was a kid he used to get angry and refuse to talk to me for days, sometimes weeks. I am actively begging Hashem to let that happen because I just can't take this anymore.

I'm 24. I'm not even 30 yet and I feel ancient. Childhood feels like a half-remembered dream. I don't remember what it was like to feel safe anymore. I had a fine day at work because I've started... I don't think it's exactly dissociating? I imagine myself as a main character in a video game narrating the contents of a visual novel. 'Angry Coworker #2 is overly dramatic. You wonder how much of it is performance,' I narrate to myself in the second person, eating lunch, 'and how much, if any, of her emotion is genuine. She is giving a 2012 early YouTube caliber performance. Your smile should look appropriately strained so she thinks her attempt has succeeded, lest she escalate to full-on theatrics.'

This cannot be healthy. But the last therapist I had just taught me to feel guilty for thinking about the part or things I can't control because that means I have only myself to blame for feeling bad. The therapist before that I caught zoning out on me mid-session and totally not paying attention. The one before that kept telling me that the things that stress me out don't actually effect me and I was self-victimizing because the rest of the world doesn't "have" to effect me.

I am coming apart at the seams. I am consistently narrating my own life in the second person and not eating dinner because then I'd have to encounter my father and working on something because if I work I don't have to think. I don't know how long I can keep going like this. If I ever scream at work like I did at home, I'd be fired, and pretty rightfully so.

I'm so tired. I can't deal with everything. I can't kill myself because there's too much work to do, too many people depending on me. I can't keep patiently gritting my teeth and listening to another hot take on "the Jews" every morning. I just want to sleep. I just want to lay in bed and forget about everything. I can't do this anymore. I also have to.

.

[invincible-selfxmade-punk]

We had rain last night for about 15 minutes. It was so wonderful but it was not enough to make me fall asleep. I just wish it would rain regularly like it used to. We still don't get as much rain as we did when I was living in the Permian Basin or even in Corpus Christi. But it's still rain more a couple of years ago than it does now.

A couple of days ago it was 109 degrees Fahrenheit. I was grateful that I was at work with a really freezing air conditioner and hubby was at home and not working without AC at his job.

The last few days have been awfully hard physically but then I went from walking 400 steps a day to 4,000 steps a day overnight.

We have another new teacher in social studies who is one of those type A personality super overachievers. In a way that is good because I know she will have everything done 10 times faster than I could. But it's also kind of a drag because we will have absolutely nothing in common with each other. Plus she came from a private religious school so there's that. I don't know if she's going to be ready for the Rough and Tumble kids we have here.

It was so good to be back though. Almost every single teacher stopped by or stopping in the hall and told me how great it was to see me back again then yesterday myself and my friend Grace who is my ride until I can see well enough to drive myself, got to go out to lunch with the principal, vice principal, head of curriculum for our school, and three members of the math department. It was so nice just sitting and listening to everybody talk. I feel very lucky because I am on such good terms with the top three people at my school I feel like I can tell them anything which was not always the case.

Anyway I am praying for a good year and a much better here than last.

Monday starts it all over.

[what-yadoking-likes]

It is one year to the day when I went to work as if things were normal, but they weren’t.

My partner had to answer the door and sign for a mail addressed to me, from the Immigration Department. Two days before we had learned his visa renewal had been declined.

It was devastating. But his visa lasted until the end of August, and so he could stay until then. I told myself I was going to get approved, and we would marry and he would apply for a dependent visa, and it would get approved. I had it all fucking planned in my stupid fucking head.

I called him when I was on my lunch. He opened the letter, with my blessing, and told me I was being kicked out on the 26th May 2022 - 12 days from the date I received the letter. My visa had also been declined. But my visa had expired in December - so, I had 2 weeks to pack up 6 years of my life and leave.

I cried. I was at work. Because of course I was. But I CRIED. I sobbed. I said I was sorry. Because I knew if I returned to England, my partner would follow. He said he was sorry. I cried. I cried. I cried.

I finished my day at work in a daze. I taught my remaining kids. Told my boss what had happened, sent her the photo of my letter from the Immigration Department. I was in a daze. I said goodbye to the receptionist and put as much feeling as I could into it, really looked into her eyes as I said it, because I liked her and I wanted her to know it was a goodbye, but I didn’t have the heart to say so.

[findingvigilante]

Date: May 18, 2022

I was ready to give up on my search for answers at this point. With everything I've gathered, it felt like I just found a whole lot of something and a whole lot of nothing at the same time. Every "lead" was a dead end. Everyone I've spoken to gave little to no information. Most weren't even willing to talk to me out of fear Vigilante might be hiding in the trees and would swoop down on them or something. This wasn't getting anywhere.

I'm not Lois Lane. I don't dive headfirst into danger. I most certainly don't have a hunky superhero in spandex to come and save me whenever I find myself in a sticky situation either. Especially not when I was risking my own neck for a story about a serial killer that could quite literally take me out at any given moment (antihero, actually. Vigilante is an antihero. The term came to me last night in my sleep). Defending myself was the only option and I don't even know how to properly make toast let alone make a fist and punch someone. I'm also pretty certain that I won't even have time to make a fist to punch Vigilante. I'd be dead on the ground before the thought even crossed my mind.

Speaking of Lane, the finance department of the Planet called me today and asked why I wasn't showing up to work. Which was weird because I sent in my resignation weeks ago so they should've gotten it by now. I explained that I had returned home to Evergreen to chase a story I was interested in for a while. I also explained that the sports section just wasn't cutting it for me and I wanted to do more than just cover the latest in baseball or football. Surprisingly, they listened to what I had to say before explaining that I wasn't supposed to leave work until the resignation was fully processed. That being said, they said that it went through without any issues and wished me good luck on my story before hanging up (they also said that the Planet would welcome me back with open arms if my story lead to a dead end). They had no idea that that scenario was looking more and more likely.

Today I decided to do some work at O'Rourkes. It was quiet for a Wednesday afternoon and the place wasn't as busy as what it usually is on a Friday night or the weekends. It wasn't just a bar but a restaurant as well so I ordered a club sandwich and a salad and did some work while I ate. The tv overhead was playing something about the Justice League but living in Metropolis for so long has made me immune to hearing about them. The same goes for Superman. You hear about him so often that the excitement of seeing him on the news starts to die down after a while. Vigilante, on the other hand, barely made the news which I found both fascinating and weird considering how many people in Evergreen have been killed because of him. The smallest bit of footage of him on the news would send me scrambling for more. I'm desperate for crumbs.

I was about halfway finished with my meal when my contact, Charlie, texted me about an explosion at Glan Tai Bottling Company. When I asked if there was any correlation to Vigilante, they told me I'd have to go investigate myself and see. Fair enough. But before paying for my lunch and heading out, I did a little research on Glan Tai. It was founded in 1979 in Little Cork, Washington and they bottled mostly milk and produced their own glass for bottling. It was a two hour drive outside Evergreen so if I wanted to get a scoop (or any crumbs), I'd have to leave now before it got dark.

It was 5:47 when I arrived in Little Cork. After quickly looking up the address, I drove there only to find the place crawling with cops and reporters alike. Naturally I saw Detective Song and Fitzgibbons amongst the police officers, so I quickly ducked under the police tape while no one was looking and slipped inside the building. I didn't want to get caught nor did I want to be asked why I was here because they'll know the why. But they won't understand it and just think it's weird that I have a borderline obsession with a killer.

The inside of the building was a mess. Glass strewn everywhere, debris from the explosion flown in every direction. There were even small fires still burning here and there; it was a disaster. But on top of the glass and debris there was also this weird, green substance that I've never seen before. With a pen, I picked some up with the tip and watched as it oozed off back down to the floor. It was like honey but a little thicker. There was also a weird smell coming from it that was unlike anything my nose has ever breathed in before.

The scene didn't get any less gruesome as I made my way further into the building. It was like walking through a haunted house at an amusement park with the amount of blood on the walls, floor and ceiling. It would've been comical if it weren't for the heap of dead bodies lying everywhere. And I mean everywhere. Some with their limbs still attached. Others....weren't as lucky. There were a lot of bodies here for a company that went out of business in 2009 but I didn't let the sight of them deter me as I made my way around to snap photos of everything I was seeing. Though the smell of both death and whatever it was that they were bottling was starting to make me feel a bit sick to my stomach.

There was a room right at the very back that grabbed my attention. It looked like an office from afar and as I drew nearer to it, I could see what looked like servers and computers sputtering for power as the electricity flashed on and off. Upon entering the room, I saw that some kind of fight went down here because the place looked like a wrestling match happened (minus the blood on the floor). I tried tapping on one of the keyboards to see if I could get anything to appear on the screen but it flashed once with these weird symbols before completely dying. I did however find what looked like a USB still plugged into one of the towers so I swiped that before making a run for it back outside when I heard voices outside the office door.

Back at my apartment, I plugged the USB into my laptop and was immediately hit with a wave of bizarre symbols that I've never seen before. After scrolling for nearly five minutes, I decided to send the file to a friend of mine at Metropolis University who was a linguist. If anyone could figure out what language this was, it was them. After doing that, I turned on the tv to see if there was any news regarding Glan Tai and as luck may have it, there was. The reporter stated that the body of a missing gorilla from Evergreen zoo, Charlie (which I chuckled at) was found dead inside the building along with many others who have yet to be identified. Forensics said that the explosion went off in the production line but as for what the cause was, it was still unknown. Which means that I was led into another dead end. Vigilante probably wasn't even involved in this. Why would he target a bottling plant? Also what was that green goo stuff I saw at the plant? What the hell was going on in my investigation? Stuff was just getting weirder and weirder the deeper I dug and it was getting irritating. The more I searched, the more questions I was left with.

Going back to Metropolis was looking more and more likely. I can kiss my Vigilante story goodbye entirely.

Update: I received a text from my friend in Metropolis about the weird flash drive and its bizarre language. It left the hair on the back of my neck standing up.

[thenotsosecretdiaryofbiyu]

2024年8月5日-- Calligraphy at National University of Tainan, Archery at Ten Drums, Performance, and Night Market

Today was a big day– we moved to Tainan! Thankfully, it wasn’t too far away, only about an hour. So, it was no time until we began our first activity of the day– Calligraphy at the National University of Tainan! We were very fortunate to have had the wonderful opportunity to have Yeh Laoshi (different Yeh Laoshi, this one is a man) teach us how to do some calligraphy!!! He showed us the basics, and then let us practice some on our own on some practice paper, before letting us do some calligraphy on our own paper 團扇 (round fans)! Super funny thing though, is that he was going around complimenting everyone, but I didn't get a single compliment on mine LOL. At one point he even came over, showed me how to properly write the characters using the brush, and told me my technique was all wrong LOLOLOLOL. Mine definitely didn't turn out the greatest, but I did the best I could do, and that's okay. Everyone at the university was super welcoming, and we even got to meet another professor who worked in the calligraphy department, and the president of the university herself (who sat in to do calligraphy with us)!!!

Funny anecdote is that the classical Chinese radical for "heart/心" looks strikingly similar to certain types of doodles. A lot of people in the class were giggling when he drew it, and he stopped and explained that it was NOT that, while making an "x" with his arms. But even he noticed the resemblance, and started laughing when he demonstrated how to draw it again on the overheard XD. After we drew on the calligraphy (I chose the Chinese word for "eternity"), he helped us put traditional stamps onto our fans! Then after our fans were completed, the university provided us lunch! It was a tasty bento box and lightly sweetened black tea! There were three different kinds of meat for the omnivores and veggie bentos for us veggies! There was also a bit of a giveaway, where the first person to raise their hand and say the question correctly got to pick a hand-painted fan by Yeh Laoshi or the other professor with us (sorry, I don't remember her name)! I didn't win either of them though, Eli and Jasmine got them because of how fast they were smh. But Yeh Laoshi sent us home with beautiful hand-painted red magnets that he wrote on himself with the character "福" on it!

Scary tidbit is that the college walls had bullet holes from the Second World War. 

After we said our goodbyes, we got on the bus and went to a sugar cane museum (an old factory) named Ten Drums! We went to watch a performance, but before the show we had a few minutes, so I used the bathroom. By the time I got out, everyone else was gone except Yeh Laoshi and Chief, so I followed them over to the archer field! It was my first time ever using a bow, so I was super pathetic at it, but Chief explained how to use it and I got the hang of it and shot an 8 pointer! My beginner's luck lasted for a bit, but eventually I started missing the shots again lol. But it was also Yeh Laoshi's first time too, so she wasn't much better than me hehe. I think I actually ended up winning? But ehh, it doesn't really count imo.

After our quick round, we rejoined with the others to watch a performance by Cross Metal! They were really good, except omg they were a bit dramatic, to put it lightly LOL. So many times they made very dramatic faces and poses, it’s just hard to explain. They were definitely good though, and afterwards we were able to all take a picture with them! Andy tried to stir up trouble though and told them that "we" (as in only the girls) thought they were all attractive. I wanted to smack him so much (but I restrained myself).

Afterwards, Yeh Laoshi, Chief, Amy, and I went to go play some drums! We made a few mistakes, but the teacher was kind and didn’t acknowledge them, and there were only like six of us altogether in the lesson, so it was just a relaxed, good time! After the drums, Chief and Yeh Laoshi went on their own way, while Amy and I met up with some of the others to walk around a bit.

After leaving Ten Drums, we finally made our way over to our new hotel! It's really nice and fortunately (or unfortunately for my wallet), there's a stationery store right next door! I went in because I really wanted to get some letter paper and some calligraphy materials, and although I ended up getting the letter paper, I accidentally bought some useless stuff that ended up NOT being calligraphy stuff whatsoever (I bought a pen I thought was calligraphy, when it was more akin to a regular pen smhhhh and I bought a little book that ended up not being a book for calligraphy but just a regular notebook styled after calligraphy AHHHH).

I distracted myself from the pain of my mistakes by going to the night market to get some din-din (dinner) with my buddies! I got some roasted corn, two slabs of tofu, and a milk tea! All super tasty! I also got these mini pancake sandwiches (a chocolate, red bean, and butter one) and they were not that good… but that's okay. I got home and then I've been typing away ever since!

Academic Reflection

I had no idea whatsoever that the folded fan (折扇) was actually originally from Japan, and not China! Usually most things like this travel the other way around, with cultural aspects/literature/clothing styles originating in China before being spread to other places like Korea and Japan. This happened with the writing system, which was widely used in Korea and Japan. Korea however, had one of its rulers create a new alphabet for the country, but Japan still uses very many Chinese characters in its modern script (just sometimes with different meanings and of course different pronunciations, etc.). It is my understanding that Japanese traditional dress (i.e. the "Kimono") actually has origins in Chinese culture from the Wu Dynasty. Many other things are this way too, such as the Lunar New Year, which appears to have originated in China during the Shang Dynasty about 4000 years ago. This holiday is now celebrated in many different parts of East Asia.

Scary note is that when I was leaving, a jet soared close to the ground above the National University of Tainan. I was explaining to Amy that a certain government (that is very close by and has tense relationships with the country we are currently in) recently has been sending fighter jets to soar through Taiwan to scare the population, when one of the professors who escorted us out explained to us that the one we just saw was Taiwan's. She explained that Taiwan has been sending out jets of its own to fly around the island a few times each day, to help show that Taiwan wasn't scared of the threat.

#calligraphyiscoolbutthestationerystoreisgatekeepingmydreams

[ciarashoggoth]

A Report! From Inside The Walls of Mallmart

There were so many strange things my parents told me as I was a child. Right down to how I was born, and now that I'm an adult, it's difficult to sift through what is real and what isn't. They said my mother had tried to have a child before me, and she had almost died during the pregnancy. That the fetus was not living, that it was shriveled and covered in tumors and that they had prayed and God had gifted them when they had thought they were unable to have children. This was possibly the more believable of the strange things that they claimed after this. Tales of my father and uncle and grandparents before my time being in contact with higher powers, tales of indigo children and aliens and the end of times coming. And by the time I finally got out, I didn't know which way was up and which way was down. I did the only thing I could think to do. I moved to Niceville, because I was scared.

Because this is the story of Aiden Gossman.

I knew Aiden Gossman was in trouble the moment he showed up, late, to work. I scowled at his cargo shorts and brand logo printed shirt, his open toed shoes- these were not up to dress code. How many times do you have to beg someone to follow the rules? Do my words mean nothing to him? Was what I was thinking bitterly as I watched him trudge along as if he wasn't a full half hour late to work. How was he not panicking? It was infuriating. Yet there he was, and here I was, scanning sporting goods in the thick of the backrooms. Well, if he wasn't going to care, I wasn't going to care either. No more ranting from me, that's for sure. I let out a sharp breath through my nose as if to let go of the pressure building in my head. 

Of course, I was taken out of my thoughts by the crackling of the overhead speakers asking for maintenance in the fitting rooms; there was shattered glass and papers with cryptic encoded messages left in there again. Which in my opinion is pretty rude, you should save that sort of thing for when you're at home, not out in a public space like Mallmart. Today ended up starting like usual, I made my rounds in Sporting goods and housewares. I put out several team lifts. It wasn't until about lunch time that I had noticed that Aiden had not been out on the sales floor all day. "Hello there Kara! Do you happen to know where Aiden has been for the last two hours? I'm hoping he was just assigned to a new department-"

"Haven't you heard? He's been with management since he got here. Everyone's been talking about it and we're all sure he's being canned." 

The first thing I felt was anger. How many times had I warned him and warned him? Exactly what I said, ended up happening and I couldn't protect him from the outcome. So I marched down through the back rooms to find him myself. Sure enough,  Aiden Gossman sits on the floor outside of management's office. His dark shade sunglasses hid his expression. "I told you! I told you this would happen, and you never believed me! Do you not remember our training? They had it written right in the pamphlet they gave us before we started here! I can't protect you from this. I can't go in there and talk them out of it…" I slump down to his seat on the floor

"I may be a bad employee, but I thought I was your friend, Ciara." I can feel his gaze through his shades and 

Oh.

The anger fizzled out as I realized that he was one of the closest things I had to a friend since I moved to Niceville. The choices he made sometimes frustrated me to no end, but I didn't want to see him leave. How could I take it back though? I desperately wanted to backtrack from my tirade, because Aiden inspired a level of humor in the workplace, a level of happiness with his way of talking in the breakroom, of trying to get his shifts cut down early, of bringing his guitar into work and serenading us with a song. "It's fine, Ciara. Seems like hell seems to follow you wherever you go anyways." My mouth wouldn't comply with me, for once I seemed at a loss for words.

Oh I know! I rustled through my lunch bag to give him my soda; It was the closest thing to a meaningful apology I could think of. It was so rare to have sweetness and caffeine in this place of work. Not for the employees, no. "Hey Aiden-" But it was too late to take back what I said. Aiden Gossman was gone.

[timeoverload]

Today wasn't as easy as I was anticipating. I felt like I wanted to scream at everyone at the end of the day. I didn't do that but I was super irritated.

I woke up with a migraine this morning and it hasn't gone away. I am wondering if I am having withdrawals from the muscle relaxers. I didn't think I had that much of a problem but apparently I was wrong. I'm kind of upset that the spine specialist was encouraging me to keep refilling my prescription if I needed it but I have been taking them way too long. I think he's a good doctor but I don't think that was wise for him to tell me that it was ok. I'm not going to throw out my pills but it is going to be a long time before I try to take those again. I don't want to have this problem and I need to give my body some time to recover. I need to be more careful. I am just frustrated because they made it a lot easier to get through the day. I am glad I didn't have any heart palpitations today.

I only had 22 cases and I thought it was going to be a short day but I was wrong. The morning went fine and I didn't get overwhelmed at all. I was all caught up by 11:45.

We had a department meeting at noon and it didn't get done until 1:30 because the director had a long list of things to talk about. There were a lot of higher-ups/executives there and they never show up to our meetings so I was surprised. They said nice things about us so that was encouraging. They said we are one of the most important departments in the hospital and it's nice to be getting more recognition. The director told us about a bunch of things that are changing. I think most of the changes are good. We have gotten a lot of new equipment recently. We finally got a fancy new instrument dryer this week because our old one was tiny and beat up. The fan squeaked constantly for months and it was so annoying. The director also said that the changes that I have helped implement have saved the hospital millions of dollars. I didn't do it all by myself but I still think I should get a raise. The director didn't say anything else that is worth mentioning.

After the meeting, I got a little behind because I had a bunch of pans piled up in decontam. It didn't take long to get caught up because the doctor wasn't working very fast. I didn't get too stressed out until they told me that another patient had bed bugs. That messed up my day and I had to go change clothes.

The last case took forever. I ended up having to stay late to clean up afterward. I asked my co-worker if she could take over so I could leave on time but she said she had too much to do. She was kind of rude about it and they weren't even that busy. I think that she just didn't want to do it. She knows I can't stay late but I wasn't going to argue with her. The people that work in the basement came up to help too because they were done down there so I'm sure everybody else left early. I just decided to go sit in the hallway and watch the surgery because I felt like I couldn't do anything else while I was waiting.

I was frustrated because I was trying to clean up in decontam and the coordinator brought me a dirty chuck & burr and told me I needed to sterilize it for tomorrow. She told me I should just rinse it off with water to clean it. I wasn't going to do that because it doesn't work and it's not the right thing to do. It takes a long time to clean the right way. I had to fill my ultrasonic back up so it took over 20 minutes to wash it. I feel better knowing that I did the right thing but I was grumpy about it. I didn't leave until after 6.

I ate breakfast this morning but it was gross. I was too nauseated to eat lunch. I still don't have much of an appetite. I was going to stop and get food after work but I was tired and felt like I couldn't focus enough to drive. My main goal tomorrow is to eat a lot. I hope I have more of an appetite because I don't like feeling like this. I wish my head would stop hurting.

I think I am going to pass out really soon. I am having trouble keeping my eyes open. I don't have much else to say right now. Hopefully I have a more relaxing day tomorrow.

I hope everyone else has a good day tomorrow too. Thank you for listening to me vent. 💖💖💖

[sunshinexlollipops]

honestly read this or don't IDC but I'm ranting about my job bc I'm over it...

so I found out yesterday that instead of leaving in another week, I have 3 days left and my final day at work is Friday. they surprised me when I asked what day was my final one, and dropped the news. altogether, grateful I am leaving that place ATP. I felt regret at first and like I "ruined" my opportunity there— I liked the insurance, the wage, the hour lunch— but the attitude to disabled employees there? wow. I have one coworker who is already aligning his exit plan to quit, and the other I had to tell the store manager about when giving my 2 week. and that's bc the department was saying this person doesn't know how to properly do their job, and they were saying he was fucking over the department. instead of being productive and saying something to this person or management, they sat on it and complained about things going wrong/mistakes being made, and only built up their frustrations. they did all this, with some even knowing this worker has an intellectual disability, btw. I myself experienced a microaggression. which is an odd word until you go through it and realize wow, okay. THAT is what they mean, bc I was helping a coworker w items they brought into my aisle that I was working to try and get done before truck came in. I go to help after finishing w my stuff, and I help get every item but the last one for the aisle. why? bc I try to lift it and realize I can't. it's too heavy and it's put me in pain. I tell my worker that I cannot get that one box of product, but I'm willing to take MULTIPLE they have in their cart to their respective aisles. instead of agreeing or being amicable, my coworker proceeds to walk up to me, place their forearm adjacent to mine and say "hm, I don't think I see a difference, do you?" essentially trying to say there shouldn't be a reason I can't lift this. I haven't spoken much on here about my health troubles but I've had to wear braces at work on top of having various medical issues, like potentially having a brain tumor (a prolactinoma specifically, iykyk). this was really mortifying on top of frustrating, and I found that management either holds my hand like a babe who is incapable of independence and trust, or they would doubt me and I'd have to explain/defend myself.

in this world, there's no such thing as just getting to say, "I'm disabled." people will demand to know why/how you are, and even if you're not comfortable sharing your medical history, you quickly discover that if you don't expose details or a brace on your ankle, that people will be hostile and take what you said like a personal offense. and to make matters worse, you have to do this...with every...single...employee.

management? oh God, good fucking luck! when calling to set myself up after my store transfer, I asked my dept manager about accommodations for disability. they immediately told me "idk you'll have to talk to the store manager about that." clearly an oversight given he looks after 2 disabled employees (and these ranges from intellectual, mental health, and physical limitations). that's before I even get in the mix! but also, bc I had a lead give me critiques...on things my disabilities affect or outright cause. like only when you're disabled will you be told your spatial awareness is a problem they want you to work on.. or even when you clearly walk w a limp, you have talked to the assistant store manager about how you have braces and struggled at your last store bc your break room was upstairs, that one of his team will complain about your speed. even when they also admit you're new and 1 week into being there, and are just learning where things are to boot. I wasn't even given a chance to adjust or settle in before I was told I needed to amp it up.

I've felt like despite trying my hardest, going in on 2-3hrs of sleep for the last month and several weeks of my life, offering up overt kindness to everyone, and going out of my way to make up for my disabilities...it wasn't good enough. and when I started having panic attacks at work and home, several times a week or even waking up into them, I was doing more physical work during my shift than some managers, and was still told it wasn't enough. after this and being treated in the way I was? AND seeing it happen to my disabled coworkers? I def wanted to leave and knew I had to.

but the company's reddit online? garbage. went to complain on there and it was an epic failure. esp my first post. I attempted w my second to give that context + give updates, and people then complained about the length and acted like it was the biggest offense, as if I hadn't been told vile things when they weren't offered all of that before. and I wasn't allowed to be frustrated w their responses as people still treated me poorly when I explained the energy I received on my last one.

while in the 1st post, people shat on me for not giving every detail (once again see: you must appease everyone and validate yourself for them when disabled) about things/myself, many came after me for saying I am continuing to pursue SSDI, as I thought I needed to put in my 2 week that morning and that it was my exit plan.

I got comments saying I was a miserable person, clearly lazy and skirting responsibilities, and that the reason I was being treated this way is that I deserved it and my coworkers hated me. it carried into my job, but also just made me feel so much shame about trying my hand at work again, and being disabled overall.

after this, I've had major knocks to my confidence. both as what I can amount to as an employee, but because right now, SSDI is what I have to pursue, and I feel guilty about it. many on my post said I tried to do a bad job to survive off unemployment (be fucking fr), or I just gave up so I could be a leech w disability.

(that being said, there were some on both posts who were supportive and got it, and shout-out to those people bc omfg, it would've been all hate otherwise.)

it's clear that so many people who hate on SSDI users don't even understand that system and how BULLSHIT it is. in this day and age, for many manage to get disability, you've had to prove yourself like you've said the earth is fucking flat to do so.

I'm lucky that I've gotten in contact w a specified lawyer for SSDI, and I've been told that I have a good chance at winning. I've been stuck in appeals since Sept w nothing from SS. altogether, going to docs for years/having records of my panic attacks seems to be the leg we are standing on, amongst other supports. I'm just waiting to hear back and to file the official paperwork.

this lawyer informed me they have a tally at the beginning of the year, one for cases they don't take, and one for the cases they do. rejections were totaled at over 80 cases. for me? I'm his 18th case. I cried over the phone bc for the first time in years, someone who actually works w this system, aside from some of my providers, has told me "yes, you need this." and I felt so validated.

but I could also only cry for how my time at this job has gone. the treatment and judgement I've faced, the hostility, discrimination, etc... I thought of those reddit comments, and knew this was the direction I needed to be in, bc that behavior was coming from people who also originate from this company. there was so much shame for their own emotions and lack of understanding, and I was tired of having to deal w my problems on top of how they felt about them.

I'm just tired. literally and in other ways, too. I'm very happy to be gone in a few days, and as I said too, I've lost the regret and guilt I had about quitting as I have. even w the perks of this job, being confronted as I was and forced to endure the situations I was put in was not it.

wildly enough, my coworkers, even the one who compared our arms, are sad/bummed I'm leaving. I've been told I've done good work, that I'm a great addition, or people are genuinely not wanting me to leave. it's just wild bc you can tell they haven't even registered how they make that place for people like me, or even acknowledging the way they personally acted toward me.

I'm ready to be done and move on w my life. but honestly, this is gonna stick w me a while. just needed to get this out here in an attempt to lessen how I feel about it and get some progress in moving on.

oof.

[nellfy-in-thestarhut]

This October, I quit a job that stressed the ever living hell out of me for two years. I was supposed to make three years on Christmas, but I lost my patience with the place and walked out once my shift was done. I didn't even bother packing it nicely. I just put my ID in a folded piece of paper with "Don't expect to see me tomorrow" written on the front.

I turned that paper right on in to my former boss and got the hell out of there. That next morning, I was called back in to talk to the HR lady to have a discussion about what happened. The HR lady is nice, but to the point where it starts to feel like you're talking to a wall nice.

I explained my last straw and why it became the straw on the stack. It became kind of frustrating. The whole time, she was also telling me that everyone was shocked and they all missed me. She said she thinks I have fallen victim to burn out because I'm working two jobs, and of course, I was bound to get tired.

Here is the thing about the second job (job B). I have been there since I was a teen volunteer. They hired me after a year because I liked being around, and they needed an employee. I actually find joy in working there, and they will pry that job from my cold, dead hands. If I had to quit that job, I would still come back to help them in any way I could because they have been with me through a large part of my life and supported me. I will support them until my last breath. I had Job B way longer than job A, and it will forever stay that way.

NEVER in my entire time at job B, have I ever felt:

Disrespected by my coworks (which happened often at job A)

Questioned on everything I know I was supposed to do

Unheard during meetings

Left out on things I needed to know

Like I was being tricked or put in a position where I was stuck in a lose-lose situation

Like my personal life was constantly on hold and that my life revolved around meeting numbers on a chart.

Like I was a child or to stupid

And they actually stand up for their employees! I have never been mistreated at my second job the way that my main job had.

I felt so distressed at Job A that I couldn't even recognize myself. I found that I have never felt more anger in my life than the anger i had in that job. I wanted to be mean, I wanted to make a fuse and mess things up.

Most of all, job A MADE ME WANT TO HURT PEOPLE.

It made me want to punch people's teeth out and Guage out their eyes with rusty ice picks before funneling salt into the open wound. It made me want to stomp on them and tear them to shreds.

I didn't want to be like that. I didn't want to be so rough and mean. I didn't like that envisioning people getting harmed made me feel good and better.

The environment started to change me for the worst and, in some cases, physically ill. It was only recently that the company made lunches and breaks a bit more clear, so most of my time in one of the most understaffed departments I didn't even have enough time to sit for a few minutes to eat a simple sandwich and if I had brought food from home I wouldn't have a second to atleast get a few bites in before someone made a fuss about 'no one being available'.

(Screw the supervisor who made me get back on the floor after one minute of the break. I specifically told everyone that I needed to eat, or I might actually pass out. I had just recovered from being sick but still feeling lingering effects.)

That job has actually caused me to be sick as well because half of the staff in the other departments didn't believe in covid and exposed a bunch of other people to it, but I digress.

The Hr lady asked that we meet back up in a week to further discuss my decision. I wasn't able to join them for that meeting because I was actually doing better at job B, and I managed to find another possible job that same week. I was able to go back after a little while, BUT THE ONES I NEEDED TO SPEAK TO WEREN’T THERE.

I came back the next day even earlier, and they still did not show. I managed to find my former boss and told him that I wasn't coming back and that he could toss my ID. I told him that I would tell the HR representative, but she was not there, and I wasn't going to come back another day to set the record straight. Screw that.

You can get an idea how strained my old department was because in my two years working there, I was already a senior agent. The only reason I was a senior agent was because no one else stuck around long enough. In those two years, I had taught several other people how to do things in my department, and they did amazing, but they all left after being in the department for a little while. It got so bad that instead of hiring new people to come work, they got people from other departments to do part time with us. This upset everyone in our department because the part-timers had biases. They wouldn't help us cover all the stops. They only wanted to help the departments that they also work with, and when we actually needed them the most, they would be nowhere in sight. We, the full timers, were left to scramble while also picking up after them. We have complained and made awareness of the problems many, MANY times, but nothing was ever done to fix these consistent streams of issues.

For example, my department had severe communication problems. We got most of our information on a whatsapp group chat, but we weren't allowed to be on our phones while we were working. We managed to do the job via word of mouth, but that doesn't work when everyone is all over the place in different directions. We also continuously got in trouble for not answering messages while we had our hands full. So to combat this, they brought in walky talkys. We were all okay to try this but the issue that arose was that we couldn't access them because they were locked in the office after everyday and no one was available to open the door in the morning so we could get to them.

We were locked out of our supposed solution. They stopped using them for a while, and when the present HR agent came in, they were reinstated.

I watched the company repeat solutions that didn't work the first time.

All the while, our complaint box was being filled to the brink when we couldn't actually do anything to fix the old problems or the new problems. We got complained on for:

Being on our phones

Not answering the messages on the phones

Being to fast

Not giving quality care

Being to slow

Not looking neat after harsh winds, hot temperatures, or getting caught in the rain. We were not provided with anything to protect us from any of that. We had to pay for company hats and couldn't wear our own, they didn't even provide raincoats and we couldn't bring our own, they bought one big, dispenser bottle of SPF and that was it, it was communal.

I had a fanny pack to hold my phone and wallet so I didn't have to take everything out my pockets to put them back in while going through security, I was told I wasn't allowed to have it and had to leave it behind.

not taking a tampon out of my pocket while going through security. A lot of the security agents understand and let me keep it there after I told them it was for hygiene purposes, but the hard ass that day got mad at me and told me to show her what it was and didn't look at what I was showing her for five minutes and when she looked told me to put it back in my pocket. I was embarrassed, humiliated, and several minutes late to help with a task

being late in the previous point. Many of my coworkers were mad at me for the tardiness but begrudgingly forgave me for this situation.

going the extra mile at the job

not going the extra mile

Being caught in the break room eating on the break that I specifically told everyone I was going on to eat.

My boss getting an email from security stating that they have trouble with us 'cooperating' with them. We followed every rule they magically presented every time. Things that weren't an issue before suddenly became a problem, and vise verse.

Talking back harshly to what i thought was an unnecessarily rude comment on me and my personal life. None of the staff in the departments we worked with knew how to mind their own damned business, but when I snapped back, I somehow crossed a line.

Not being seen. They said I was really good at hiding, but I literally just kept moving. To the point that no one could recall seeing me go anywhere.

For being in the restroom for too long. They timed me in the restroom, and it seemed that they forgot that I, a female, had a period and that it is different for each person. They wanted us to announce what type of pause we needed. I refuse, and still do, to tell people what goes on in there or answer calls in there. I find it super fucking rude for anyone if I were to talk to anyone while taking a shit or if someone picked up my call while they were doing their bathroom business.

Feeling tired after they suddenly changed my 9 o'clock shift to 8 one week, and they switched it back to the 9 the next. It's not like the continuous switching ruined my sleep cycle or anything/sarc.

I think you all get the hint. So we have these complaints, customers, internal drama, and understaffedness. Then add on communication issues, a management that didn't do anything to fix the problem and still have to come home and handle personal issues.

We are left with a pile of shit. It didn't help that I was the youngest one in my department, and everyone else were older folks with children. They talked to me like I was dumb and didn't know how to do my job. I had to keep reminding them that I was not their fucking child to be talking to me so rudely and that I was a whole ass adult that can cuss and fight. They left me to handle delays and late night issues because they used their kids as an excuse to leave ahead of everyone else. I usually wouldn't mind staying behind if you were handling school-aged children, but RARA YOU SON WAS 20. I learned to never stick around because if I did, they would all ditch me to handle everything myself. If it was anyone else, they'd have at least two people stay who mutually agreed to stay.

The last straw was when I was going through security with a customer, and I was going through the normal script on what to do and the officer asked me really loudly and condensing 'if I worked there [in security]' several times infront of the passengers.

No other officers previously found an issue with the script I carefully made throughout my whole two years there. I have even had some thank me for being prepared when arriving because it makes the process faster. I didn't understand why they had to yell at me, make my job harder, and embarrass me in front of customers who then sent a complaint after I left. Why couldn't she have pulled me to the side and explained the issue?

I would have gladly changed up the script a bit if it was that big of a problem. I get it. That place is hell, but why go out of your way to do that. Not only did she spring that up on me out of nowhere, but she has also made the passenger aware that there is trouble. My job was to make sure that they went through without trouble and that they were as comfortable as they could be while traveling through. It is the basics of hospitality to handle the customer first and handle any miniscule issue afterward. If it was a huge problem, then there is nothing I could get mad at, but I was simply going through the script the same way I always have.

I told my mother, who also works in the shops after security, that I was going to leave that day without a job. She has been in that place for way longer than me and has two jobs in the same building. I had to remind her that I was not her and that I didn't have her patience to stay in that place. I felt so embarrassed and full of dread. All of that because i did my job the way the officer didn't like. I told the HR lady that I shouldn't have to feel dread or face embarrassment when I am doing something as simple as my own job. I felt so unheard.

All of this happened, and I still had to go home and face the personal management of the family's judgment. Good God. I am so glad I left that place, but at home, I was nagged till high heavens to go back.

I admit I did jump the gun, but I don't regret it. It was not like I was fully unemployed. I had another source of income, and although it doesn't pay as much as Job A, I sure do feel a lot better in life. I even have a new second job and a day off. I have less money, but good God, was it worth it.

So, to anyone reading this. You deserve decency at your place of work. You deserve to have basic respect and be treated like a person while you make a living.

[funnywiccanwritingcorner]

Le joyau le plus precieux

A Lucky Luke Modern!AU fanfiction

Chapter III - Family

Days passed. Although he still let Lucky Luke slip away, the police chief wrote a note of praise to Joe Dalton for recovering the loot. Everyone congratulated him, but the detective cared little: he was still emotionally messed up. For everyone his was a victory, but for him it was an embarrassing memory that he would never recount. Besides, that damned thief had filled him with a lot of questions: why was he stealing? Although this one wasn't actually new, it had just taken on a different meaning. What did he mean by trusting him? Besides, what was he doing with one stolen item at a time? He rested his face on his desk, huffing. The forensic analysis of the bag containing the jewellery had led to nothing; it was spotless and without fingerprints. They had nothing in their hands. The most frustrating thing, though, was being... wooed? There was no other way to describe it. Yes, being wooed by that hottie. Worse, he couldn't get that persuasive voice out of his head that said “I'll show up”.

Joe was going crazy. 

Was the thief going to keep that kind of promise?

-Detective Dalton?- A squeaky female voice announced the entry into the office of a young woman with voluminous red hair in a suit. -Betty, I already told you, you can call me Joe...- -We're at work, I'm trying to be professional!- she joked. -You're Averell's fiancée, practically one of the family.- -But I'm also the department's psychologist. Speaking of which, I'd like to remind you that our weekly session has moved to Thursdays, at least for a while.- -Problems?- -I am under pressure to accommodate external agents in my office, my schedule is full. But I'm always there for my future brother-in-law!- winked the woman. -You are kind. Thank you. But at the moment my only worries are about work, as usual.- Betty gave him one last understanding smile before opening the door again, but froze: -What a fool! I almost forgot: later on I will send you through Pierre some permits to sign; these are therapeutic leaves that I recommended myself. The captain can't take care of it, and I need a valid name.- -Of course, that's fine.- Leaving the office, the redhead crossed a short corridor until she met the other three Dalton brothers at an appointed point. Immediately William asked her: 

-So? Everything OK? -No. He seems a bit tired, and says he's worried about work, but I think he's hiding something.- -Maybe you should prepare a leave of absence for him too; you know, this Lucky Luke thing puts a lot of pressure on him- Averell said. -I could do that, but I'm sure he would answer that he doesn't need it.- -He's been weird ever since he stopped Lucky Luke from stealing from the Palace of Versailles- observed Jack, -maybe he's not happy that he escaped.- They continued to speculate until lunchtime; the four brothers stood in the hall and all went out together.

There was a diner, not far from the departmental headquarters, called “Mère L'Oie”, where they always went to eat. Wedged between the shop of a well-known shoe brand and a perfumery, it was distinguished by its lemon-yellow sunshade awning and sign, where above the name was painted a row of ducklings following their mother; the latter carried a wicker picnic basket in her beak. It was Averell who had suggested it as a “favourite lunch spot”: the portions were generous and every Wednesday there was raspberry tart for dessert. They even had a table practically reserved, near the large window overlooking the street.

It was when it was time to order the second course that William brought up the subject of Lucky Luke to test the waters: -So, Joe, do you have a new plan in the pipeline?- -Please?- His brother was overthinking, fiddling with a corner of his napkin. -Lucky Luke. What are you going to do with him?- -Well... I would say that at the moment deploying extra forces was not effective. I need to go over a few things, it's gonna take a while.- -Whatever. If I have to do some research...- -Let's check the list we've already drawn up- Joe cut in short, -How about chicken cutlets with fries?-

To call a house “cozy” is just another way of saying it is small. Back then, the Dalton brothers house could be described as very cozy, to some as stuffy. Because you know, most males are messy, and even though Joe had established rules and cleaning routines from the start, only the youngest seemed to abide by them to the letter. A flat consisting of three rooms, a bathroom and a kitchen/dining room/living room. To them it was a castle. Averell claimed it was a metaphor for their close bond. After all, they had always done everything together, from primary school to the police academy, as well as mischief when they were kids.

Yes, they were real hooligans: they lit firecrackers under their grandfather's armchair, attached cans to their cat's tail, and once they grew up they went on to smash shop windows and vandalise in every way possible. Their mother, exasperated, literally dragged them out of their small American town by the ears to take them to Europe, to Paris, and to teach them discipline she sent them off to make their bones as police cadets.

And there they were, gathered on the couch after a day's work of patrols, paperwork and reporting, munching popcorn and watching a movie, annoying each other from time to time; Averell was the favourite target because he was ticklish. -But wouldn't it be simpler to freeze that parasite?- commented William, -I mean, if it has acid blood, it seems the logical thing to do.- -Shush, I want to follow!- Jack scoffed. The younger man clutched a pillow in his arms, curled up in his seat: -Joe, there are no such beasts, are there?- -No, Averell, they don't exist- the elder replied boredly, -And look, the guy's fine, he pulled that thing off himself.- But at the next scene, much more horrifying than the first, Averell hid his face in his pillow: -How disgusting!- -Come on, he just got a little monster out of his stomach!- remarked one of the twins with an evil giggle, who exchanged a fist bump with the other. -Iiiiiihh!!! Stop it!!- Joe turned off the television set: -Ok, that's enough! Off to bed!- -But Joe...- -If you don't want to do the dishes for a week, obey.- So shortly afterwards it was his turn to go and reassure Averell that no aliens would bite his face off during the night. A typical evening at the Dalton house.

Seeing his younger siblings sleeping blissfully, the twins in their bunk beds and the younger one hugging his pillow mumbling in his sleep, was something that always made Joe feel good. He scolded them often, and sometimes they fought by punching each other, but the affection that bound them together was evident. The eldest was always the last to go to sleep, partly because he wanted to make sure everything was locked up, and also because he always lingered watching Paris at night from his window, with the streetlights casting a yellowish glow over the streets and pavements. Suddenly his mobile phone rang. He went to look: unknown number. He answered anyway, with a brief hesitation: -Hello?- -Hello, Detective Dalton.-

[final-script]

Forbidden| Julian Brandt

Pairing: Julian Brandt x Reade Sumary: You decide to break the rules Warnings: English is not my first language !!!.

Please read this: X

Many timelines of these stories do not coincide with the present. Because I wrote them a long time ago. ---------------------------------------------

I arrived at the team in a very different way than everyone thinks I did, when I came to introduce myself to the photo booth, I did it with my mum's last name. because i knew that if i did it with dad's would give me everything easy and i didn't want it to be that way.

Only those who follow the Leverkusen have always known who is Dad (Heiko Herrlich), who debuted at the Leverkusen and hung his boots at the Dormunt but who eventually returned to their roots but this time to direct them.

When he learned about what he had done, he was initially angry but later glad to know that it was by my own hands and of course he forbade me from having a link with some of his "boys".

But for me he was forgotten, when I met him.

It was during the photographic section that was made to present the kits for the new season, first the group photo and then in the studio individually.

They were going through, one by one, until he arrived , the number 10 was his dorsal .

But I remember that what caught my attention most was his blond hair and a rather shy smile on his face.

Y/N-""are you always like that? Or are you just shy in front of the camera?"

J-"I'm just shy when I see a beautiful girl behind her (that comment made me blush) I'm Julian by the way.

Y/N-" I´m Y/N" (I said with my cheeks still on)

J-" I know who you are, the coach's little pride.

Y/N-" Oh, I didn't know that dad will talk about me in the trainings.

J-" You do it, you're like your big motivation

Y/N-"I'm glad to know that, but now we're done with this, before someone comes". I took some more pictures and when I was about to leave...

J-"It would be bad if he invited you lunchI" instantly remembered what dad had told me, but if he didn't know it would be all good"I know that your father forbade us from inviting you out, but I couldn't avoid it, what do you say?

Y/N-"I am forbidden to go out with one of you, but if you don't know I don't think anything happens.

That same day after the training, I in my car and he in mine, we gathered for lunch in my department, where we also spoke, met more and promised to go back.

We did so 8 months, 8 months in which to hide from dad for, but on the exact day we turned 8 months out as friends he decided to ask me to be his girlfriend and also that day he wanted not to hide us anymore and tell Dad we are together.

Before starting the training, my love and I approached Dad.

Y/N-" Daddy, you have a minute" Coming behind him with Julian next to me, which he turned to see us in front

H-" hello honey, you do here". I took the photos from outside the field. "And your Brandt go training."

Y/N-"In fact, there is something we want to tell you". Take deep breath and talk. "Julian and I... We are together, listen to you... I know that you".I've never been so nervous about anything)

H-"I knew it". Oh my god, I think I'm going to die.

J-"But... Ho... How.

H-"It wasn't hard to realize, you smiled more than normal and Julian thought it worked better and better, I won't say anything, only if you make cry for something other than happiness, I think the time will come when he took off the courts"

J-" Of course not, I will take care of it with my life I promise".

H-"I wanted to hear that, but now to work and training." He said when he saw that everyone had arrived, so I kissed my boy shortly and went for my camera to start with the work.

On that day we could say that we had started a long relationship that would be strengthened years later. When my birthday at the end of the morning workout, after the team and players surprised me with a cake, i asked for my wish and the first thing i saw when i opened my eyes was to the love of my life placed on his left knee and with a red velvet box in his hands.

That was the moment I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man.

J-"what do you say my love, do you want to marry me?"

Y/N With tears in my eyes I nodded, while he placed the ring on my left ring finger. -clear that I did love, of course I want.

He stood up and kissed me, under the applause of everyone here

J-"Thank you for accepting, you made me the happiest man in the world" . Giving me lots of kisses.

Oreana: Listen, I wanted to let a few days pass but...

J-"What happened, you're okay, you want... ". To stop talking, I took her hand and put her on my belly so she could understand the message and apparently did it as she hugged me very hard but with care."Thank you"

I think we're complete, we'd get married and have a baby.

Simply perfect.

------------------------

Many timelines of these stories do not coincide with the present. Because I wrote them a long time ago.

[sasa-gay-yo]

Levi Gives You A Promise Ring

Request / Summary:  Levi worried about reader before a scouting mission (maybe they were hurt in the last one or something), and to make him feel better about it he gives reader a promise ring?

Timeline: Pre-Season 1 

Warnings: some swearin’ and suggested NSFW 

Art Credits: AoT 

He had called you into his office to try and convince you to stay back for today’s expedition. Walking to that dark, stuffy office, you were thinking about the numerous arguments you could give him that would make your place on the expedition team solid. You were a squadron leader. You were one of the best fighters that the Scouts had currently. Levi couldn’t hold you back just because you two had a relationship. How was he supposed to assign you to his elite squad next week when he can’t even let you go on a simple expedition?

However, you knew why he was worried about letting you go today. Last expedition you were injured by an abnormal. A new recruit was shellshocked by seeing his first titan and was easily grabbed off of his horse and body thrown towards the titan’s mouth like a snack. You swung through, shoving the boy out of the way, and your ODM line was caught by the titan. If you were to survive, you’d have to cut one of the wires and fall about forty feet to the ground. Levi watched helplessly as your body fell, but not before you sliced into the titan’s ankles.

Miche was the first one to reach you and pull the abnormal’s dead, limp body off of you. Levi came next, frowning at the fact that you were laughing at your bad fortune. The new recruit was also looking at you like you were crazy, and Levi made them run laps for that after their return. Levi, not able to show care in public, watched helplessly as Miche took you on his horse and cared for you until they returned from the expedition. Miche had done Levi’s job. In the HQ’s makeshift hospital, he watched as Hange wrapped feet after feet of bandages around your middle. Broken ribs and a sprained ankle and wrist. Still, he couldn’t come near you while Hange and Erwin were laughing at your jokes. He just had to sit back and watch the others care for you. At that moment, he decided that you wouldn’t be joining them for next months expedition, but he hadn’t told you of his decision yet. He couldn’t live like that. Always having to watch your risk your life for any member of the Scout’s while he sat on the sidelines.

You, now with a healed ankle and wrist and only a few bruises left on your abdomen, were about to get him to change his mind.

You knocked on his door and a grunt from inside signaled he knew it was you. You opened the door and slid in, closing it behind you. By the way he was sitting in the chair, you knew he was Captain Levi to you right now. Not the man who likes his shoulders massaged after hard training ODM with the new recruits.

“Squad Leader (Y/L/N), thank you for coming on such short notice.” You wanted to roll your eyes at his formality, but you knew that it would give him a reason to actually bar you from the expedition.

“Captain,” you let out, short and sweet so he knew how you were feeling about this meeting. He didn’t smile or smirk at you like he usually did with your sass, he just stared straight ahead thinking. Over and over in his head, he was replaying the image of you falling from the titan hands, your body bounding off the ground on impact. If only you listened to him when he said that it wasn’t your job to save the recruits, then you two wouldn’t be in this position. You crossed your arms, waiting for him to respond.

“I don’t think it to be wise for you to go on this expedition with your injuries still fresh.” He was bullshitting you. If your injuries were still fresh, why did he have you in his bed the day prior? He didn’t care about your injuries when his fingers left bruises on your hips. His secret marks of passion.

“With all due respect, Captain, my injuries have healed, and I’ve been cleared by Hange. I think medical knowledge outweighs your concern. Are you going to not let Petra go on this expedition too when she was injured recently?” He drew his eyebrows in with annoyance, one hand going to rub his temple. Why couldn’t you just listen to him, so he didn’t have to worry about you?

“(Y/F/N) can you just sit out this one, please? Everyone would understand why. There’s no reason to-“

“I thought you said you would never give me preferential treatment, Captain.” Little did he know, his actions when you were injured stung your heart. Even if he felt the need to hide your relationship, that doesn’t mean he can’t care for you as a worried Captain. He just stood there, watching Miche carry you on his horse, no protest or quick jabs of insults. Even when it was only Hange and Erwin, the two people who were already suspicious of you two, he barely looked or responded to your yelps of pain. He would only visit you once a week for five minutes, weary of the others who lay in the cots around you. It hurt you that you were visited by that new recruit whom you hadn’t know existed till you saved him more than your boyfriend, who you’ve known for five years. And now, after all of that, he’s showing whatever kind of concern this is by barring you from the mission?

“Are you upset with me for caring about you?” He had completely transitioned from Captain back into your Levi, but you wouldn’t let him have this moment. Your arms were crossed, jaw clench, and your eyes were boring holes into him. These were all the telltale signs that you were angry, having studied them in secret for years.

“You have no consistency, Captain.” He sighed this time, knowing now exactly what you were talking about. Did you really believe he felt no remorse? That he wasn’t fighting inside himself to go and grab you from Miche’s arms? To put the bandages on you himself since Hange was causing you even more pain with her incompetence?

“You know I cannot express my care for you under the watch of the others. Not only is it for privacy, but your safety could be at risk.” This time you rolled your eyes, loud and clear. He doubted so many of your abilities.

“My ability to defend myself shouldn’t be a problem, Captain, and your ability to just show a little care for me as a fellow soldier shouldn’t either. You can patch up Petra’s wounds, but as soon as I’m hurt, your hands don’t work anymore, it seems.” He slammed his fist against the table at the mentioned of Petra’s name. Why is it always Petra? Oh, yes, besides the fact that she told you that she had feelings for the Captain, why was it her?

“Do you think I don’t feel pain when you’re injured?! Is that it? You don’t think I care about you?!” Now, all formality was off. You were yelling. Hopefully, someone didn’t walk by and ruin Levi’s want for privacy. It was a possibility to, seeing that the expedition is supposed to depart soon.

“If you care you have a funny way of showing it, Levi! Not doing anything when I get injured, not visiting me, not tending to my wounds, only to order me to not go on the expedition?! You know my squad needs me, so you’re being selfish now, but how come you can only be selfish behind this door, huh?” You pointed to the wood behind you, the one you were about to walk out of and slam in his face. It infuriated you that he thought he could assert his control over you like this. If he showed you one ounce of concern while you were hurt or in the medical barracks, maybe, just maybe, you would let him. You would stay behind, sleeping in his fresh sheets, and rest a bit longer. But now, it seemed he was only concerned about you because he was in pain.

He stood up slowly from his desk, eyes still on his fist which connected with the wood.

“How dare you think I don’t care about you. Do you know how much I wanted to go to you? How I wanted to rip those bandaged out of Hange’s hands and do it myself? How I wanted to kill that new recruit for not only causing you harm, but for visiting you and talking about you during training?  I’m suffering inside because I can only hold you at night. I can’t sleep when you’re not with me! Do you know how many days of unrest I got while you stayed in the barracks? I want to tell everyone. I want to get up on that damn table in the lunch hall and announce to your little fucking fan club that you’re mine, goddamn it! But I can’t. You know why? I care about you too much to let the Royal Government put a target on your back because of me! To let everyone know that you’re Captain Levi’s would let those who want to kill me know the same. There’s so many in the Underground who I know would jump at the chance to hurt me, and I’m not ready to let you live through my past mistakes. I’m not ready to let you get hurt in front of me while the only thing I can do is stand and watch!” He was breathing heavy at this point, and you had your hand on your heart. It was beating fast at this sudden burst of emotion. You weren’t used to this Levi. Only in your shared bed would he show a glimpse of what the demons he was truly fighting inside, but now he yelled it loud enough that it Erwin was in his office, he would have heard all of Levi’s soliloquy. The last line. That last line wasn’t about his past or the Underground. That last line was about the expeditions. About watching you fall to the ground before his eyes, the titan falling on top of you.

His breathing hadn’t stabilized, and you couldn’t see his face to know how he was feeling. You couldn’t get a glimpse into what he was thinking.

“Levi,” you said, your voice soft. Had you known all of this previously, this problem wouldn’t have occurred. If only he told you about how you felt, and only if you told him your frustrations with his displays of emotion. Your problems were always about communication. Levi didn’t know how to communicate love to anyone.

“Do you know how many times that scene replays in my mind? You falling? Your body smacking into the ground, rolling as the titan falls on top of you? Over and over. Erwin knows about our relationship because he heard me yell for you when it happened. I shouted my name for you.” Your eyes widened, remembering hearing that. Hearing the name that he gave you behind closed doors be announced over the battlefield. The name that signified his private love for you. The name he never used around anyone, for it being too revealing of his emotion. You thought it was your mind playing tricks on you then. There was no way that the man who turned a cold shoulder to you had shouted that out of the battlefield.

“Erwin knows.” It wasn’t a question, but more of a confirmation to you. Confirming that Levi had told someone on his own accord, even if it was because of a mess up. Someone knew about your relationship, and it lightened some metaphorical load on your shoulders. Erwin knew. The Commander knew and he had a whole month to tell you two that it was against the rules for officers to have certain relationships with each other on the pretense of nepotism. That meant he didn’t care, or rather, he approved.

“I wanted to give you something, at a different time and in a different setting, but I don’t think I can let you leave today without it.” That made you lighten up even more. He was letting you go on the expedition.

“What is it?” He opened the top draw of his desk and dug into it, walking over to you with something in his palm. When he opened his palm, there lie a small circle of green jade. Your heart sped up again, not knowing what this was for.

“Levi…?” You asked breathlessly. You two had only been dating for a few months, so it couldn’t have been that, but you’ve almost never gotten a gift like this from him. It was always tea or some chocolates he brought back from meetings in Mitras. One day, he brought back clothes for you, and you had to tell everyone you bought it in Trost, fighting back to the urge to brag about Levi’s care for you. However, this ring, whatever it was meant for, this wasn’t just something you could lie about or hide in your dresser drawer.

“I read about this in a book. The main character wanted to give something to the person he loved, just so they knew how deep it was. Its a promise. A promise to love you. To care for you. As long as I’m alive. No matter how cold I seem to be on the outside, I care for you. I care so much it hurts. And… and if you’re ever in a situation when you’re doubting me, like the one we are in now, then you have this,” he held it up for you to look at, before grabbing you hand and slipping it on. The jade felt cold against your finger, but you were surprised at the sung fit. Your eyes teared up.

“Levi, it beautiful,” was all you could breathe out. You were on cloud nine, receiving this gift of devotion, but also having him say it out loud. The shouts of the past fifteen minutes had faded in your memory with one touch of this jade. He linked his fingers in yours, holding your hand up so he could see and feel the jade on your finger. He marveled at it too, something inside of his tightening at the thought of a ring on your finger. A ring he had given you.

“I promise to be by your side forever, (Y/F/N).” You looked up at him this time, wiping the tears from the corner of your eyes. Never had anyone in their lives devoted themselves to you like Levi just had. Instead of responding verbally, you pulled his face in, kissing him in the middle of his office. His grip tightened on your hand as you did this, allowing you to feel the passion run throughout your whole body.

A knock at the door had broke you two apart, but your hands were still connected. Erwin’s head popped in slowly, knowing that he might walk into to something very different. He’d seen you stalk off to Levi’s office in a huff, ordering some cadet to hitch your horse for you. Yet, he saw that your hands were connected, and when Levi didn’t push you away from him, hands still together for Erwin to see, your smile radiated enough for Erwin to feel his effects. Good. He needed his two best fighters to be happy again.

“Hurry up, you two. We’re leaving and it’s going to be obvious who’s missing soon.” You were the first to let go, knowing that you’d probably have to feign some innocence for the others. The fan club Levi had mentioned liked to know your every move so they could cater to it. You decided that walking down with Erwin was probably the best bet at secrecy and so you bid Levi a smile goodbye before walking out into the hallway with the Commander.

“I didn’t know he told you, Erwin.” The blonde man huffed once in laughter, looking down at your hand. He recognized that ring, Levi quickly confining with the man about relationship advice. Erwin wouldn’t tell you, it wasn’t his place, but Levi was as eager to finally have someone to talk about your relationship with.

“It was due to a mistake, but yes, he told me. He threatened me as well. A very bold move for a subordinate.” You knew he was only joking, and you lifted your hand up to cover your laugh, imagining Erwin punishing Levi of all people for that.

“I’m sorry on his behalf, Commander.” You reached the door out into the field, everyone getting lined up in their formation to leave. Somehow, Levi was already there, sitting on top of his horse with that same neutral expression. When he saw you and Erwin walk out, it didn’t change at all, but this time it left no sting like it had previous.

“No worries, Squad Leader (Y/L/N). I’m glad the ring fits, he was worried about that.” The wicked smirk that broke across your face was confirmation to Levi that Erwin had told you something about their secret conversations about you. He glared at the blonde as he climbed up on the horse next to him.

“I moved Squad Leader (Y/L/N)’s camp closer up in the middle so you won’t have to worry, Captain.” Erwin purposely said that out loud, the others around them trying to pretend they didn’t hear their Commander’s words. Levi’s glared intensified and he gripped the reigns. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw you mount your horse, only thirty feet away from him.

“Why would I care, Commander? Good for them. Now when they mess up, they can have us to back up their asses,” Levi growled out, trying to make it sound as harsh as possible. That made the others around stop listening, hearing a normal response from their Captain.

“I’m glad it fit, Captain,” Erwin said lowly, starting his horse to walk up to the front of the formation to give a rousing speech. Levi’s expression softened a bit, but he looked forward, testing out angles that made sure you were always in his periphery.

“I am too, Commander.”

Masterlist

[cherryasagiri]

A Doctor's Life

previous &lt;;<>> next

pairings: Law x oc

summary:

Moon married the man she had been in love with since age 5. She thought she lived the happiest life she could after living through an emotionally and mentally abusive childhood. Law was there for her through it all; she was there for his. Moon didn’t think nine years of marriage would stir up strange feelings, insecurity, and hidden lies until the man she loved with all her heart made one fatal mistake.

He left a photo out.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Law’s POV

I'm exceptional at what I do. I have worked my ass off to get to where I am at. People call me a prodigy, but all I do is put my mind into everything I do at one hundred and ten percent. I don't consider myself better than anyone else; I do my job and go home. Lately, my going home seems more like a hassle than staying at work. My wife has been irritating me, and work has been piling up more and more now. I want just a second of peace and quiet, but I am not as lucky as I’d like to be.

I woke up this morning at the ass crack of dawn. I had been leaving home much earlier than usual because I didn't want to be concerned with hearing her usual rants. I get that we don't have time to go on dates like we used to, but she should understand that I have to work extra hours now that I am looking to be the new head of the department. She knows I have been working hard towards this these past few years, so I can’t wrap my head around how she feels the need to whine about her baggage that I don’t deem necessary. We had a plan, and she knew… she knew, and she still gives me flack. I sat on the bed, groaning gently so I wouldn't wake Moon up, rubbing my eyes while trying to adjust them in the dark. I got up as quietly as possible, grabbing my phone and wedding ring before heading out of the room. I slipped into my home office to get ready for work, placing my wedding ring inside a drawer that I keep locked at all times. I don’t like to wear my ring at work, something I haven't been doing since we got married because I’m afraid I would lose it at work. However, now it's more to keep it under wraps that I am married. Once I had transferred hospitals, I made it a mission to leave my marriage and work life separate.

Once I was dressed and ready to go, I grabbed my phone, keys, and stethoscope. Before leaving the house, I studied myself in the mirror near the front door to ensure I was presentable. The caliginous circles under my eyes seemed to have gotten darker, and I noticed my hair had gotten longer. It does seem like I might be overworking myself, but my desire for this promotion outweighs everything else. When was the last time Moon cut my hair? I’ll just have to ask her when I get back home, I guess. My wife had made lunch again even though I told her she didn't have to do that anymore. It was a hassle trying to explain why it looked the way it did; the embarrassing bear head-shaped rice with the seaweed eyes and mouth, star-shaped carrots, and bunny apples. What am I, a kid going to school with a cliche lunchbox? I feel like she does this just to get a rise out of me.

Nonetheless, she insisted on making it, so she knew I was eating a well-balanced meal while working. She meant well, but it can get annoying. I left home as soon as it hit six on the dot; as I drove to work, I thought about all the things I had to do today. I had a few minor surgeries that would take a couple of hours, consulting with other surgeons, ordering tests, and developing treatment plans for some patients.

I sighed as I tapped my index finger on the steering wheel and contemplated what I wanted to do first around my surgeries. I had a full schedule, and I could feel the ebon circles getting darker from just thinking about what I had to do today. However, there was something I was looking forward to doing, though; I had a date today with a special someone. Just the thought of her brings a meager smile to my face. There’s something I wanted to ask her, and I couldn’t wait to see the look on her face when I decided to lay everything on the table for her. She is going to be excited. The beautiful thought was soon cut short when I pulled to the hospital. The smile is long gone, replaced with annoyance due to the meeting I have no choice but to attend.

After the morning routine, I was seated in my office, going through one of my patient’s medical histories, when slightly startled by a knock on the door. I reluctantly called them in, and my eyes which never left the screen started to strain from the constant use. Hearing the clacking of shoes entering my office… The easily recognizable footsteps made the smile from earlier reappear on my face.

“What is it that you need, nurse?” I asked; my attention went from the computer screen to the myriad of charts on my desk to see if there were any significant changes to my patients’ conditions while I wrote down some questions to ask the families I had to see.

The sudden presence was now sitting on my desk, their legs crossed and a clipboard in their hand. I broke my gaze from the papers before me to look up at the person next to me.

“Sorry to bother you, I just came in to bring you the test results you ordered yesterday. I looked over it myself and didn’t find anything unusual, but I wanted you to also look over them since you're the one who asked for them.” the figure said, their eyes still on the paper in front of them.

I smiled wider and turned the chair to face them fully. With a small sigh, the smile wavered a bit as I grabbed the clipboard out of their hands and looked over it.

“Good job, Robin, your eye for details is perfect. You should have been a doctor instead,” I chuckled as I looked back up at the woman whose eyes were locked in on mine. It was sort of a staring contest between us to see who would waver first, the lust apparent in the small tremble she exhumed. She broke away when my gaze became too intent for her, her feet touching the ground as she hopped off my desk and turned to me.

“It sounds like a good idea, but that isn't my calling. I like where I am, boss man,” she giggled. She reached out her pretty hands in anticipation of getting her clipboard back. I handed it back to her, brushing my fingers against hers as she side-eyed me on the way out of my office.

“I will see you later on, right?” she cooed, earning a chuckle out of me. “Of course, I wouldn't miss it for the world,” I replied, turning back in my chair and returning to my previous work.

As I was deep in thought, I saw my phone light up in the corner of my eye. I looked over and saw that it was a text from my wife.

{ are you coming home on time tonight, or do you have to work overtime? }

{ I'm not entirely sure, Moon. I will let you know later }

{ oh… alright. I hope you eat the lunch I made. Do you think you’ll be home for dinner?}

{ As I said, I don't know. I'll let you know when I find out, Moon. }

{ ahh, right… sorry. I love you, have a good day at work }

{ I’ll see you when I get home then. }

Another sigh leaves my lips, and a headache forms in the back of my head. I know it’s going to be a fucking migraine this time around. I initiated the first emails for some of my colleagues to go over the surgeries I had planned for the day while reminding myself to call the restaurant to ensure my reservation was set for the right time. I wanted to ask her an important question that’ll set the motion for the rest of our lives.

Moon’s POV

“I don't think that Law loves me anymore,” there was silence between all four of them as the words she said sank in. The brothers looked at each other, trying to find the words to say but the constant dead air put fear into the small woman as she instantly regretted the words that came out of her mouth. She began to part her lips to refute her words, but one of the men beat her to it.

“Moon… what makes you say that?” Raisin brought up.

[timeoverload]

I tried writing last night but I was way too tired and pissed off to do that. I didn't even want to eat dinner last night. I was angry yesterday about a lot of things.

I got to work and the morning team lead was there but he got sent home again by the health nurse. It's good that he left because he sounded horrible. I should have went in early but I was told that he was going to be there so it wasn't necessary. I had to scramble to finish opening decontam and get my stuff set up. My boss was in the department for a little while but then she disappeared when my other co-worker came in. She was not helpful at all while she was there either. I do care about my boss but I am very irritated with her right now. She told me she was going to take instruments down for sharpening and she had to go see how things were going in the basement. She said she wasn't going to be gone very long but she lied. I didn't see her again for hours. She disappears all the time and usually she doesn't communicate. She just tells us to call her if we need something but we still can't always rely on her to show up or do what she says she will do. One of the girls that works in sterile processing in the basement came up to ask if she could have a couple biological packs and some controls. She had been waiting on our boss to bring her some but she didn't hear anything for hours so she came to talk to me. Apparently the boss told her she was going to go help upstairs while she told me that she was going to be in the basement. I was so pissed because she lied to both of us and we were both drowning. I understand that she can't be everywhere at once but she was probably somewhere chatting with someone and drinking coffee because that's usually what she's doing when we can't find her. It wouldn't have been such a big deal if she hadn't told both of us that she was going to help us and then do nothing. I told her how many cases I had and she didn't really care whether I got breakfast or not. She had brought scotcheroos for my other co-workers birthday and she basically said that I would have to eat those if I got hungry. She didn't use those exact words but I think it's fucked up that she couldn't cover for me for 15 minutes so I could go eat. It was nice of her to bring some sweets but I just wanted some real food because I haven't been able to eat breakfast since Monday. She was the only person there that could help me and she knew that. Around noon she came in and asked if I wanted to eat lunch and of course I said yes. She asked my co-worker who comes in at noon to cover for me so that was helpful I guess. I was so hangry all morning. I was so hungry that I bought a sandwich even though I hate their sandwiches. My boss also changed the decontam shift schedule and she put herself in there from 11-12:30 but she didn't come back to the department until noon. My co-worker had been in decontam for 3 hours at that point because she didn't show up to relieve him and I felt bad for him. He was pissed when she finally popped her head through the window to ask him if he wanted her to come back there. He said he didn't want her back there and someone else came in to take over. She shouldn't have put herself on the schedule if she knew she wasn't going to be able to do it. I know she has been sick for a while and it sucks. I do feel bad for her and I want her to be healthy. I really think it's time for her to retire though. I don't think she can handle it anymore and I can tell her heart isn't in it because she used to be very passionate. She doesn't care like she used to. She has definitely changed a lot in 8 years. My whole morning was very chaotic yesterday. I got 23 pans done by myself before noon. They also opened a lot of other sets. It was a lot of work. I was wishing that I could clone myself. I feel like a robot because I do the same shit over and over again. I didn't cry but I wanted to. The afternoon was a little better because I didn't have to move as fast but the last case didn't get done until 4. I had so much stuff to do at the end of the day but I managed to get it done before 5 so that's good.

I left work feeling disgusted and nauseated due to all of the negative energy around me all day. I just wish that I felt like I could fit in. Some people are just so cold and unfriendly. I'm tired of people giving me dirty looks. I have never felt like I belonged there. It is a nightmare and I'm stressed out. I never thought I could develop PTSD from a job and I think it will haunt me even after I leave. I don't want to think about it anymore because I don't want to dwell on it all weekend. I had nightmares about it last night. I'm definitely not looking forward to next week.

I still feel like trash today and I am having horrible cramps too. I managed to get out of bed and get a couple groceries this morning so at least I have something to eat. I don't want to get up now and it sucks because I have so much shit to do. I slept a lot last night but I am still tired. I guess I woke up several times in a panic so that probably didn't help. I think I need to take a nap sometime and maybe I will feel better. I am very happy to be at home and I need to try to enjoy my day.

I hope everyone else is having a good day so far. :) 💖💖💖

[mycrofts-gunbrella]

Caring is the Greatest Advantage- Mycroft Holmes x Reader (Part 11)

A/N- Okay so this is just a short 2k fill in chapter! It’s kinda cute and kinda sad but it was too long to add to the last chapter, and it doesn’t fit in with the theme of the next chapter (though it sets it up quite nicely!). The next chapter is likely going to be a bit angsty but I promise it’ll have a rewarding ending to it! I hope to have it written and up sooner rather than later but, until then, enjoy this little piece.

Word Count- 2028

The ten minute drive from Baker Street to the Natural History Museum went by in a flash- most of it being spent by Mycroft giving you a mental tour of the building's various rooms and the 'most appropriate route to take'. Though it did also take a minute or two for you to convince him to not get everybody kicked out for a private visit, no matter how many people were there.. Admittedly, you hadn't been to the museum for 6 years or so now- after living so long in London it feels less of a luxury being only round the corner from it- but walking through the doors made you feel like a child again. Entry to the museum was free, but that didn't mean you didn't see Mycroft swiftly pushing a few notes into the donation bin at the front before guiding you forwards. Glancing up, you eyed the blue whale skeleton that hung from the ceiling and frowned. Mycroft caught your look and spoke up.

"Ah yes, Hope has been a relatively recent addition to the museum. She was found dead on an Irish beach back in 1891. It's a rather beautiful marvel to gaze upon, though, large as she is, she doesn't quite fill the hole in my heart that was left after my beloved Dippy was removed." Your eyes scanned the skeleton of the large mammal once more before looking back at Mycroft. "I did try to convince the board to keep the diplodocus somewhere but all attempts were futile. There's only so much force you can put into such a topic without exposing yourself as-"

"As a man who loves dinosaur bones more than he loves people?" Mycroft shoved his hands in his pockets and sighed.

"The very thing." Lifting your arm, you rested your hand at the crook of Mycroft's elbow to encourage him to move on.

"When we get home and have dinner we can raise a toast in Dippy's honour.. but for now, my mind's been taken over by that huge statue of Darwin." And the pair of you headed off, your hand very much staying place at Mycroft's arm as you wandered through the rooms- Mycroft more than willing to reel off facts about every deceased animal of history and, more often than not, even impressing the workers with his spiel of facts. Though you were very much enjoying wandering aimlessly through the room of human evolution, you most definitely noticed the pull from the man beside you as he was eager to reach his beloved dino-pals. As you turned the corner into the slightly darkened dinosaur room, you tripped over your feet slightly as you felt Mycroft stop in his tracks, his eyes wide and taking everything in. He looked as happy as a boy at Christmas and, quite frankly, it was adorable. You nudged him slightly when he still didn't move. "You okay?"

"Sorry, it just seems as though, no matter how many times I come here, it always feels like the first." He had shaken his head as though to bring his thoughts back to focus before taking a few steps into the gallery and leading you over to the skeletal remains of a Baryonyx. "The name Baryonyx roughly translates to 'Heavy Claw' from the Ancient Greek's 'Barys' meaning heavy and 'onyx' being claw or talon." He spoke, his voice smooth and relaxed as his fingers brushed over the board that announced the name of the creature within the glass. "It was also an excellent swimmer which it would use to its advantage while hunting." You listened to his every word as he spoke, grinning as he excitedly told you how many teeth it had and it's preferred techniques for capturing food before he moved you onto the next one.

"Oh these beauties have always been my favourite." You almost whispered, taking in the sight of the huge triceratops skull. You barely noticed Mycroft's hand shift from his pocket until you felt the heat of his palm against the small of your back, fingers squeezing slightly by your hip as he spoke.

"Mine too. Sherlock used to say they were boring and that we might as well have gone to the zoo to look at rhinos. He ended up spending 5 months trying to prove that the rhinos were descendants from the triceratops and then avoided me for 3 weeks when he realised there was no connection at all."

"That sounds about right. Though I can't imagine Sherlock enjoying it here very much anyway.." Mycroft began to guide you to a small bench just off the side to sit down, still giving you the view of the beautiful dinosaur bones.

"He didn't. When we were much younger he would kick off until Mummy and Father would tell us it's time to go and I had to go with them.. Then as we got a little older and Sherlock properly found his legs, he would simply run from the doors round to the science museum. Of course mummy and father had to follow him as he was so young, but one time I decided to stay here. They didn't realise I hadn't followed them until it was time to go home 5 hours later." Mycroft spoke quietly.

"Found his legs? That's at, what, four? Five? How young were you?"

"I was 9 the first time, I think." Now, Mycroft, you don't just 'think'; you know. Your hand moved to rest above his own on his knee, brushing your thumb fondly over his knuckles. "But it isn't all bad. Some of my best days as a child were spent here, and a lot of the staff were very kind and would teach me extra facts that weren't displayed. There was one gentleman who even gave me his own copies of some books that they had here. I'd wander the whole museum in time but I always found myself back here on this bench just.. watching. This room felt more like home than my very house sometimes. It was the room where I could escape the real world and find peace. Eventually Mummy, Father and Sherlock stopped bothering with the visits because Sherlock found the science museum boring after he'd prove them wrong on something each time, but I'd still pop back in on occasion without them.. Coming to think about it, I've never actually brought anybody here with me at all." You squeezed at his fingers and settled back into the bench.

"Well I am incredibly glad that I found out about your little interest, and I feel even more honoured that you let me come here with you." You beamed. And it was the truth. Evidently, this little museum meant much more to Mycroft than you could have ever imagined and it warmed your heart to know that he trusted you to see him nerd out over some bones.

"Eventually I used this very building as the scaffolding to build my mind palace. My files on Sherlock, very appropriately, are nestled in the human biology room. But most people's information is either stored in the entrance, where Dippy remains over Hope, might I add, or in a few of the rooms I find less interesting.." You didn't have to ask to know he was referencing 'that room with all the bloody rocks'. "I love most of the galleries too much to taint them with information on people that aren't important. The likes of Gregory and Doctor Watson now reside in Hintze Hall as the years have passed." His eyes remained focused in front of him, unblinking, as though he was wandering the very halls at that moment.

"And where.. where are my files?" You had to ask, really. Since he was on the subject anyway. "If you've put them in the marine reptiles room when you know I'm terrified of the ocean I shall never forgive you." Mycroft's hand flipped beneath yours so the pads of your fingers brushed before he blinked and looked over to you, a small smile on his face.

"Here." Oh. Well that's.. something. You shifted to give him a quick kiss on his cheek, knowing he wasn't overly fond of PDA and tugged him to stand.

"And on that note, I think we should go and grab some lunch before you make me cry in front of the dinosaurs."

---

After lunch, you both spent a few more hours walking from room to room (and of course circling round to the dinosaur gallery again) before you decided to call it a day at 4pm. Before departing, you headed towards the toilets that happened to be beside the little gift shop and you had a browse while Mycroft was occupied. Grinning, you picked up a deep blue plush triceratops and stroked a finger across its back. It was just small enough that, after purchasing, you could hide the little guy in the loose fabric of the sweatshirt you wore, acting innocent as you waited back outside near the wall. After going to the bathroom yourself, the pair of you headed outside where a car was waiting for you. Sliding in the back seat, you couldn't contain your little gift anymore.

"Surprise!" You laughed, producing the small toy from under your clothes and into the hands of the man beside you. He studied it briefly before beginning to laugh himself as he reached into his inner pocket and handed you the matching dinosaur, though purple in colour. "God, we're such children aren't we?" You noted as you swapped plushie companions, each of you brushing a finger on its nose as though it were a small pet. "I daren't think what your colleagues would say if they knew you were now the proud owner of a baby triceratops teddy that's.." You glanced at the tag. "..Suitable for children aged 12 months plus!"

"Probably nothing as bad as if they realised said triceratops was going to take proud placement on my desk at home." He beamed. "Thank you, this really does mean a great deal to me." You knew he wasn't just talking about the toy that rolled around his long fingers and you shifted to rest your head lightly on his shoulder.

"We can come back any time. I, for one, know I'll never get bored of looking through the galleries.. Or I'll never get bored of watching you light up as we walk through said galleries. Either or works, really." He hummed in response, his emotions slightly overwhelmed from the day and its revelations into his past. "Plus there were about 10 other little dinos in the shop and I've always been one to want a full collection.. so, if we pace ourselves, that's at least 10 more trips."

"13.. Although that could be tripled if we take the colour variations into account."

"Oh, of course! Can't half-arse a collection or it's just pointless."

"I concur."

"That's settled then. Almost 40 more trips to finish off our collection.. And thennnn we can move onto the figurines." Mycroft let out a laugh beside you and tilted to rest his head atop yours for the remainder of the journey home.

---

The evening between you was shared over a meal (where, as promised, a small toast was made to the memory of Sir Dippy) before Mycroft sat to finish the papers for Greg. Eventually you collapsed into bed at a relatively reasonable time, groaning at the throbbing in your legs from the day's adventure before finally slipping into rest.

---

The next day passed relatively quickly. The morning was spent visiting Greg in his office to drop off the papers before the pair of you took a small stroll through the streets of London. Eventually, Mycroft and yourself even got a text message from Sherlock giving a (albeit half-arsed) apology for his behaviour the day before and the rest of the day was spent in bliss. That was until exactly 17 minutes after you got back home when Mycroft's mobile began to ring. He swallowed deeply, showing you the caller ID of the person he had been dreading to speak to post-Eurus and answering.

"Ah, yes.. Hello, Mummy."