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evelyne-am · 2 years

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22nd March 2023

Day 9

I’m still slacking and to my horror others are struggling too here and there. Most of the cast is finding it tough to remember the new cues and lines and line distributions. We spent two hours on the first five lines today barely getting through the act one. Director is understandably furious. We got a proper yelling because we are just stumbling at every line. He reminds us we haven't even done the first two pages and we have 58 left. The song we open with is the one I made and I havent locked it, so we keep making mistakes on that first opening scene for over an hour.

I feel very angry with myself, even though my lackings are in a different place than others, M is correct when she says that we still haven’t jumped in fully. I wonder if I should stop writing the blog, it makes me feel like I’m still an outsider because I’m writing about it. But I also don’t want to stop because our director is really something and I would like to remember how I have been learning, how he is directing, and also these heightened emotions that I feel that may inspire me later. I already feel myself changing, my tolerance for inefficiency in my own teams is lowering. Even though I’m doing the same thing. Get to 100 percent AM!

We are on the 3rd version now. Originally we had thought it would be each person reads one part and is M1/M2/M3 turn by turn. 2nd version we played her at the same time, line by line like we are one person. Today's version seems final. There is only one M1/M2- though everyone else has dialogue its in 3rd person now. Sir seems to have picked M1/M2 as Sharm and Srab. They've played it the second day in a row. Sharm is doing super it I have to say. She’s the most experienced of the lot except M. shes able to stay in the zone and concentrate. We are working on act one which is basically pre 71, happisg times. I realise that we haven’t cried in a few sags. The first 6 to 7 days I was crying in rehearsal every day as we were learning the script. But as we are only figuring out the intros and beginning sequences none of it has been of the war of the crimes south so it’s very sort of mild. Md says that now we are forgetting the person who is actually telling the story. She is so right after rehearsal we are all feeling a bit down because I didn’t go well, I don’t blame the director for saying that he is going to see this for one more week before deciding if we will go through or not. Even though I know there’s a lot of preparation, the actual booking of the theatre, budgets, everything else is being done, so if you want to cancel you still can. After the rehearsal M calls me aside and says we need to fix that opening sequence, I’m very shame at least say yes let’s do it. She says come to our meeting tonight. I had plans to join the gym today because at this point I realise that we are no longer doing our morning exercise as we come in and go straight into the rehearsing of the play and I gained weight in the first nine days of rehearsals I’ve gained about 2 lb in any case postcode with my hunger is through the roof, stress from recent projects and personal stuff my hunger is through the roof, and though I still try to walk a little bit it’s not every day anymore like it used to be still only a few days week. also I missed the gym I haven’t been for over six months I used to love it so much. My plans though are now canceled. I go home and take a 20 minute nap and then I rush off to the meeting. Traffic is absolutely insane and I abandon my car and get a bike and thanks to a really nice bike I reach exactly at 7:29 when I am supposed to start the music work at 7:30. The meeting is in someone’s house, one of the core members of the group. I the first time see everyone in a more relaxed situation. The entire living room is split up the keyboard is kept open for me on one side on the other side people are making dinner on the other side the entire floor plan is being made with things draw been drawn to scale. The director seems to be in a better mood and everyone is figuring out logistics and planning things et cetera et cetera. everyone looks really nice they’re all dressed up in their normal clothes.

Did I ever mention that we have a sort of outfit that we wear ?. It’s T-shirts and pants that are not too loose or too tight; this is why you see me in a different T-shirt every day that is the actual uniform for rehearsal as it’s the one that is most flexible for all of our physical work. I’m the only one who still wearing my T-shirt and sweat pants. M is dressed in a sari and she keeps covering her head and I asked her why and she says that ever since the start of the play she dresses as a birangona at home. I have been considering doing a few things to keep the essence of the play with me when I go home, and I wonder if I can do the same or not I don’t know yet. I’ve considered giving up some of my favourite things to eat to do, just to channel a bit of the story is a bit more but A part of me realises that I might be best used to do the musical aspects then being a novice actor on stage, and the fact that I am in a Inner Circle meeting doing the structures for the music means that that’s also what everyone else is thinking. this is the first time that it is acknowledged at all in these circumstances that I have a sort of following all my own identity as a media person. Reference being we are trying to calculate how many shares to do how many tickets need to be sold how many tickets can be sold at certain prices and The host jokes that oh don’t worry Armeen will bring her own crowd. I have no idea if that’s true I know my friends would come. Overall it’s very light and jolly situation however once we wrap up our introductory song so I remind Sir that there is a second one to do and I actually feel like giving him ideas. I try to do a rap like spoken word piece and Azhar sort of points out doesn’t go. So I sort of give up for the day, I don’t know why I give up so easily these days. I don’t have a push sometimes when I don’t get my first brilliant idea naturally I give up very easily. The first song that I made for the intro it was literally the first thing that came out of my mind and it was based on a bunch of chords that I know that are good. The second song is different it’s not a soft song so not in my genre and obviously I am struggling with it and I just give up. but I admit it was nice to see The director a bit more relaxed; they all joke about each other and their romantic partners even Sir teases M, I’m a bit embarrassed so I just smile and sit in the corner. Our host is really sweet though she is evidently someone who has seen a lot of my work already and both the host chat with me a little bit. It feels weird to have references to my non-theatre life in theatre mode.

I’m struggling to fix my sleep schedule, when I go home it’s already pretty late, but I have my own things to do thoughts to have that I cannot ignore, I wish we were there were more days in the air, or more hours on the day that I could use to spend a little bit of time just thinking and also bloody apartment I don’t even have an AC right now and it’s getting really hot and I haven’t had the time to actually buy an AC and get it installed. Also I am dying to just organise my bookshelf it’s the first thing you see you when you enter my flat but despite the fact that I’ve had all the books nicely done I still do not have even 10 minutes to put the books in the order that I want to. I’m up till 2 am again with my own stuff. I haven’t memorised M2 either, I won’t say that I’m not enjoying being part of the music but I do realise it might lower my chances of getting any proper lines.

Oh God after disastrous rehearsal day I am a bit more relieved to see that the play is still being planned, they have decided to lower the number of shows from 25 to 19. M says it’s only physically durable to do the maximum 19 shows in a row. I have performed many many days in a row but never 19 shows I’m actually deeply looking forward to those 19 inches. Your girl hasn’t been on stage in awhile and it’s coming through.

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mingirn · 2 years

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hi! i'm giving these advices as a skincare enthusiast and not as a professional dermatologist 🥹

so when you do skincare it will be lightest/more runny products first. After cleanser, you can use toner. Toner as far as I know helps to prepare and your hydrate your skin so the following products can sink in better to your skin. There are toners you can use everyday. But toners with active ingredients like glycolic acid, aha, bha, and pha shouldn't be use everyday since they're exfoliating acids. better you use those 2-3x a week depending on how your skin can handle the actives. Toner is just optional tho.

after toner, serum/essence. essence and serums were kinda the same but different. Serums differs depending on your skin concerns (there are serums for acne, blemishes, etc.) meanwhile essence most of the time focuses on just hydration. you can use both everyday, but if you want a simpler routine you can just choose the serum since can target your concerns more and just choose a heavy moisturizer (if you have a dry skin dry skin). there are also serums with exfoliating acids tho, you can't use those everyday too.

next is moisturizer/hydrator. moisturizer is used when you want to lock moisture in your skin. while, hydrator is used when you want to attract moisture to your skin. you can use moisturizer if you have oily/normal skin. moisturizer is recommended for oily skin since it locks up moisture on the skin. the thing is when we cleanse our face, it strips away the moisture and oils in our skin, as a result the skin produces more moisture to your skin. putting moisturizer creates a trick that your skin is moisturize so your skin won't produce more oils. moisturizer is also advised for everyday use.

lastly, suncreen (during the day) with broad spectrum, and 30 spf and up is recommended. two finger rule, and also don't forget to reapply sunscreen when you're outside. wear sunscreen everyday, even if you'll just stay inside your house, rainy times, winter times, summer, etc.

extra 1: if you're planning to use retionol, cream retinol is better and easier to work with than serum type retinols. use sandwich method (moisturizer-retinol-moisturizer) if you're a beginner. retinol is not suitable for everyday use if you're a beginner, 1x a week is enough, and if your skin builds tolerance overtime you can then use it 2-3x a week the next month. you can't see instant result in retinol tho, sometimes it takes 3-9 months to see the results you're looking for. and also please start with a lower dosage retinol (0.1%) before going up (0.5% - 1%). research first before diving into retinol ♥️

extra 2: if you have sensitive skin please please please avoid exfoliating acids and the AlL nATuRAl skincares.

extra 3: never brush your teeth after cleansing your face. brush your teeth first before cleansing your face, its a must ♥️

extra 4: cleansing your face for 30secs - 1minute is recommended, especially if you have actives in your cleanser.

extra 5: have a one of two minutes before layering your skincare. let the first one sink in first for a minute of two before adding the next.

- 🥬

DUDE thank you so much. i can’t thank you enough you’re a saint for this thank you !!!

you’ve got me checking the ingredients on my toner now and trying to do math i dont know half this stuff but im listening. my toner does happen to have that glycolic acid thing so im thankful i havent been using that every day. i feel like my skin is so complicated because its dry but also oily and its sensitive but i dont really get breakouts or pimples. i cant ever tell what i need or dont need or whats good for my skin 😩

also i’ve never heard of a hydrator and im just sitting here reading this stuff and i feel so clueless wtf how are you SO smart how do you know all this stuff. /pos

ive been seeing a lot about retinol lately and im not entirely sure what it does like i need to do way more research i think but i saw a tiktok about it today and im like I Need That. ive never heard about the sandwich rule before though so thank you for that, and for the low dosage thing!! i’ll definitely do research and i think i also need to look at what brands are best (and also whats available for me where i live)

since getting this ask ive been cleansing my face for up to a minute which is something ive NEVER done before man i was always so quick and trying to get it over with as fast as possible. you’re putting me onto so much new stuff i cant thank you enough.

THANK YOU ANON you are so kind thank you for writing all of this im gonna screenshot and print it out man you’re amazing for this. thank you youre so smart 💗🙏🏻 i hope youre having an amazing day!

#[✉️] mail #[🥬] anon #important #gonna tag it with that so i can come back to this.

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ratanslily · 4 years

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Home

pairing: ayna seth x kennedy monroe (enby fa mc)

summary: kennedy drops by ayna's place for a midnight chat. fluff, nothing else.

a/n: i was inspired by @maellowy 's sketch of ayna and mc!! i was in the process of thinking of a fic for them but this sketch gave me a proper direction.

tagging @choicesficwriterscreations .

the doorbell rang frantically in the middle of the night and ayna shut her book in frustration.

"now who is it at this ungodly hour?", she cursed underneath her breath.

she opened the door to find a very tired Kennedy.

"Kennedy??"

"may i come in?"

"s-sure"

Ayna panicked as she tidied the room a bit to make space for Kennedy to sit.

"hey, its okay. I've seen worse, and by worse i mean. my room. its a mess, yours is nothing in comparison to what I've made my room like."

the tension in the atmosphere shifted as they both let out a hearty chuckle.

"how'd you even sneak past the security all across the campus?"

"I have my ways.."

Ayna smiled at the mischief playing in their eyes.

"you know, you look nice.. with your hair down. you should try this look more often."

ayna's eyes widened in realisation as she hurried to make her hair into a bun

"Oh no, wait I'll-"

"its okay. i love it either way."

"alright, flatterer. What's the reason you're lounging in my room at midnight?"

Kennedy's eyes turned somber real quick as they explained,

"I havent been able to sleep tonight.. y'know. with this project taking a toll on my sleep and, well. nevermind.."

"and..?"

Kennedy shook their head, embarassed.

"its silly.."

"try me."

"no, its just, its just- gahh i can't do this.."

"hey, look at me. I'm more than just your TA, you know."

Kennedy's eyebrow quirked at the implication.

"a friend. im a friend to you. yeah. a friend. you can confide in me."

she gave them her most comforting smile which encouraged them to open up

"Ayna, I miss being home. not the state of luxury mansion which i call my house. i miss the feeling of residing in a home, an area of pure love and affection. Have had this feeling ever since mom chose politics over me and it only multiplied tenfold when i arrived here.."

"until i met you."

Ayna tried hiding her surprise by offering them coffee to change the topic, but kennedy was persistent.

"would you like coffee?"

"nah. coffee makes me sleep. and i dont wanna sleep just yet. I want to talk to you."

"you make me feel.. comfortable. there's this certain vibe about you which makes me feel.. happy. and safe. You remind me of home, Ayna."

Ayna nervously tucked her hair behind her ears as her heart thumped loudly in her chest.

"I- that's a big honour to take.. Kennedy I don't know how to respond- um.."

"it's alright, you dont have to feel it too-"

"wait, I miss being home too, and im glad we can provide each other the feeling of home away from home"

"we?"

"I feel the same way about you too, mx. monroe."

"that's music to my ears"

the rest of the night was spent in them exchanging past memories and stories with each other as they felt alive at the dead of the night. Ayna was taken aback by surprise at the amount of comfort she felt around them, unlike any of the friends she's ever made before.

the night raged on and Kennedy tried to stifle a yawn as they grew dizzy.

"i.. dont.. wanna sleep just.. yet.."

"Here, lay down on the sofa"

she offered her lap as a pillow for their head as they rested comfortably.

"You're.. my home.. Ayna", Kennedy mumbled in their sleep.

she couldn't help but smile at the sheer innocence of the statement and deep down, wished it were true. wished they didn't just speak that just cause they were asleep but spoke just because they mean it.

-----

as the first bird chirped outside her window, she woke up to see Kennedy still on her lap, fast asleep, as if they havent slept in weeks.

she brushed their hair away from their face as gentle as a lover's caress and couldn't help but admire the sunlight illuminating their beautiful face, sleeping peacefully. their whole body curled up into a ball and their slight dishevelled hair only added to their beauty.

Smiling at them, she whispered,

"you're my home, too."

a/n: is this the first ayna x mc fic?? dont tell me. also i wrote this under 30 minutes lol i wish i was a good writer. pls if you see this ilyyy because i dont expect anyone to read it (Ayna stans are so less </3)

#playchoices #ayna seth #ayna x mc #foreign affairs #choices fa #t fic tag #choices fic writers creations #fics of the week

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liberolove · 4 years

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Testing the Waters (pt. 1)

Summary: youve finally graduated high school and now youre moving on to college. youve decided to go to sendai university. its summer and youve become curious about checking out the dating pool in miyagi, so you download a dating app. you figure you might as well have fun before delving too deep into your studies

Part: [part one] out of ???

Pairings: nishinoya x reader / kuroo x reader / oikawa x reader / kiyoko x reader

A/N: theres tons of ships here, just me living out my hoe phase lmao please dont judge me. let me know what yall think

Genre: fluff, smut, crack

Warnings: flirting, college shinanigans

even though you decided to stay in your hometown to further your studies, you moved out as soon as you could. your parents were smothering you and you were honestly tired of it. so, you got your own apartment and started to live on your own. everything was fine and easy so far but then you realized how lonely you felt. your friends had moved away to go to other universities, and you were never really good at relationships. the anxiety of not knowing what to do with yourself until classes started was consuming you. to deal with this, you figured you might as well download a dating app.

“Gotta check out all the hot singles in my area, I guess,” you thought.

it had been a while since your last relationship but you were sure you were ready again. or maybe you could try to find something different. maybe some hookups could be enough to help you during this weird adjustment period.

you downloaded the app and added whatever details were needed.

Name: l/n, y/n

Looking for: chat, relationship, hookup, anything

Bio:

it took you about ten minutes to finally decide on what you wanted to add to your bio. finally, you typed out:

Bio: just another single college student looking for genuine human connections. Interests include watching anime, reading nerdy shit, and getting to know you

you were never too good at coming up with bios but this should be good enough for now. time to see what kind of fish you could catch..

not even a minute after uploading a picture of yourself, a new message showed up.

Nishinoya Yuu: hey, beautiful! (;

Y/n: oh hi! how are you?

N: doing better now that I’m talking to youuuu. how about your lovely self?

Y: wow someone is really straightforward. I’m doing pretty well rn thanks. what are you up to?

N: just been bored as fuck on here and then BOOM you showed up (:

Y: lol youre silly. so hows the whole dating scene look like on here? any good ones?

N: nah it sucks honestly. But now you’re here so its a million times better!

Y: oh shush lol. does this site really work? like have you actually met someone from here?

N: uhh i actually havent met anyone yet, but ive had some nice conversations so far! ive still got high hopes

Y: have you been on here for a long time?

N: i just downloaded it like two weeks ago? idk but yeah. im hoping that maybe youll be my first??

Y: your first what? haha be more specific

N: OH sorry!! i didnt mean it like that omg. i meant like my first person to meet off of this app lol

Y: i mean if youre not busy right now, we could meet up for a coffee date or something? (cliche right?)

N: ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? like... right now rIGHT NOW?

Y: yeah (: sorry for doing this so fast. you’re just really cute and im bored haha

N: nooooo its fine i swear im just a little shocked. and WOW you think IM CUTE? you should look in the mirror because your gorgeousss *heart eyes emoji*

Y: so its settled? lets meet today at around 1 pm at XXX cafe?

N: yeah! thats not too far from here! i CANT WAIT

Y: same here (:

as soon as you sent that last message you hopped in the shower and started getting ready. you debated whether to put on makeup or not and then eventually decided to do it. you wore that one red dress that greatly accentuated your butt and your curves. you checked the clock and it was 30 MINUTES UNTIL 1 so you finished up by brushing your hair and adding on a spritz of peach scented perfume. “Hopefully this impresses him.”

the cafe you guys agreed to meet at was only a short walk away from your apartment. you were almost at the cafe when you noticed the time again and it was already 10 MINUTES PAST 1! you were so scared that he thought you stood him up but as you got closer, you noticed a cute boy sitting by himself outside. you stared at his backside for a little, unsure if this was your mystery boy. so you messaged him on the app

Y: heeeey are you the one sitting alone outside with a tan shirt and some ripped black jeans?

your phone lit up with the answer to your question: “yes”

as you looked up again, you noticed the stranger you were staring at had stood up and was looking right into your eyes. once you locked eyes, he grinned the biggest smile you’d ever seen and he chuckled.

“Hi there!! L/n, right? Nice to meet ya, I’m Nishinoya Yuu. Wow, you’re even more beautiful in person!! Do you want anything from the cafe? I’m buying”

You were kind of shocked by his beautiful smile and his spiky hair. It took you a while to respond as you tried to take in the wonderful sight in front of you. He was simply breath taking. You could tell he was the athletic type by the way his shirt hung onto his broad, toned shoulders.

“Ummm... L/n? Are you okay? Do you want any coffee or sweets from the cafe?”

“OH, oh my god, I’m so sorry! I got distracted..” you said as you looked away from him, getting redder by the second. you hadn’t even noticed his compliment or the way he kept eyeing you up and down and licking his lips. “Yeah, I’d love to get a coffee, if you don’t mind. Please..”

His eyes snapped back up to yours. “Awesome, I’ll go order inside. You can just sit your pretty little self here while I do that. Don’t run away! I’ll be right back!”

now that you had some time to reflect on what the heck just happened.. you breathed a sigh of relief. You couldn’t believe that he was real and so goddamn gorgeous. His little tuft of blonde hair at the front of his head was so cute and his smile.. goddamn. the way he looked at you.. and his friendly demeanor. it was all so much to take in. you didn’t really know how to react. as soon as you had relaxed, you tensed back up as he came back and sat down with you.

“Here’s your coffee hot and ready just for you, hun”

“Thank you so much Nishinoya” you blushed a bit as your mouth pronounced his name

“Hey, just call me Noya! Or Yuu...”

“On a first name basis already?”

“Only if you want to..”

you giggled as you noticed that he was getting bright pink too. “Okay, Yuu.”

as soon as you said his first name, his eyes lit up and that bright pink hue on his face soon turned into a passionate red

“Soooo..” you said as you tried to break up the silence.. “what do you do? do you go to school?”

“Yeah! I’m going to start going to Sendai University in the fall! I’m going to be playing on the volleyball team! How about you?”

“No way.. I’m gonna go there too! I guess I’ll be seeing you around probably. And wow! Volleyball huh? That’s hot.”

when you said that last part, Noya almost spat out his coffee. you laughed at the look on his face. he was blushing so much he couldn’t keep still. you were almost afraid he would just run away from you and never come back.

He just tried to regain his composure and laughed. “You really got me there oh my god i almost choked. But yeah I can’t wait to play again.”

The rest of the afternoon you guys talked about everything from anime to your favorite season, to your least favorite horror movie. The more you two bonded over common interests, the more he let his wild side out. He became more rambunctious and fiery and this did things to you, to say the least. you checked your phone to check the time and it was already 6:45 pm. You had no clue as to when the sun had started setting, but it didn’t matter because you hadn’t felt this warm fuzzy feeling in your heart in a while. it felt so nice. you didn’t want it to end. but then noya interrupted your thought by saying,

“Hey, (y/n)..” you two were on a first name basis already and it was just the first date. “it’s getting pretty late and I have to go home and help out my family with some stuff. I hope you don’t mind. Sorry! But we can definitely go out again if you want. i know i sure do..”

“Yes, of course! I totally get it. But first can I get your number?” you look away as you say this because this was the first time you’ve ever asked a guy for their number.

you two exchange phone numbers and hug goodbye. you let the hug linger for a little longer than you should and plant a quick soft peck on his cheek and say,

“I can’t wait to see you again, Yuu.”

He just smiles and replies, “Me too, Y/n. I’ll see you again soon, babe.”

You freeze up and don’t know what to say as he walks away. you think to yourself, “did he really just call me babe?”

#liberolove writes #nishinoya yuu #nishinoya #nishinoya x reader #nishinoya yuu x reader #lblv.nishinoya

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arthurflecksgirl · 4 years

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Joker saving a girl from bad guys

This one was requested by hausofbaloons on twitter. I hope you will like it :)

Warnings: Violence and sexual harassement (not graphic but still)

I couldnt sleep. This town wouldnt let me close my eyes.

The sound of the traffic, the traffic lights before my windows. It was all too much. Gotham was so noisy yet so dead when you took a closer look to it.

I didnt even knew what got me here. All I knew was that I couldn`t afford my old apartment in my hometown anymore, so I moved in this very bad neighborhood close to Anderson Ave.

Finding a new job here was difficult,too. I was lucky enough to find one that at least would make enough money to pay the rent. The place was called HAHas. They rent party clowns. I didnt even knew anything about clownery, how they called it. I lied when I told Mr Hoyt that I have experience and hoped he wouldn`t notice. Not until I found a "real" job. I really didn`t wanted to end up as a clown.

They said it would take them a few days to get some clown clothes that would fit a girl. Which made me nervous. It seemed like I would be the only girl working there. But for the moment I just had to eccept this situation. Some day I would hopefully get back on my feet.

Watching out the window made me feel disconnected to the world. Its funny how a new place can change your point of view about so many things. Some places consume you in such an short amount of time. That`s how I felt about this town since the day I unpacked my things and slept in my new bedroom for the first time. Everything felt...wrong. It felt wrong being here, sleeping here, existing in general felt like a chore. Amd looking at these people out on the streets, they must feel the same. My eyes were focused on a little girl with her mother. How aweful it must be to raise your kid here. To grow up here. I just wanted to leave already.

I drank the last sip of my tea and got dressed. Deep down I knew it wasnt a good idea to go out at 10 pm in the evening. At least not here in Gotham, I´ve heard that some alleys are really dangerous to walk through. But I didnt knew which ones, so I tried to avoid all of them. Which wasnt possible all of the time. I left the house, freezing a bit. It was colder outside than I thought. At least the radiator was working. All these streets looked the same. I didnt even knew where to go, just wanted some fresh air, get this tiredness out of my bones.

I wish I had something to be passionate about again. Passion was something I seemed to have lost somewhere along the way. Some days I felt like a robot, only functioning for others. I did things but I havent FELT them for years. It makes a huge difference if you just keep on doing things or if you really feel them. I wasnt sure what made me stop feeling myself anymore. It just happened. Failed relationships, friends you lose along the way, working,... all these kinda things that consume you, leaving nothing left but the shell of you. I guess this town would`t help.

Walking this neighborhood felt lonely, even while being surrownded by people. But at the same time there was proof that I wasnt the only lifeless zombie in this universe. There were other robots, just like me. The walking dead. Shouldn`t this make it hurt less? Shouldn`t this be comforting?

I was so lost in my thoughts I didnt even payed attention to where I was heading to. Most streets still remained unfamiliar to me. I hestitated when I realized that I didn`t knew where I was anymore. All this garbage, the bad smell. I felt something on my foot and screamed. A rat. The biggest rat I have ever seen in my life. This place was aweful. I really had to go and find some place nicer a few blocks away from here. The sun went down hours ago, everything started to look the same. I felt tired. Insomnia really had me in its arms.

Whispers. In the corners of the streets. On the sidewalks. I wanst sure if my mind was only playing tricks with me. Being alone in a city like this, at 9 pm in the afternoon could do that to you. I should have stayed home in my bed. The bed that didnt felt like mine anymore.

The whispers got louder and I was convinced that it wasnt my mind playing around as I satrted to hear steps behind me "Hey doll ! Where are you heading?"

The voice of a young man and another one laughing right behind me. I felt fear crawling up my insides. I didnt even had any with me to defense myself. I grabbed my keys, so I could scratch them with it if they would attack me. My hand was shaking while I reached down in my pockets.

"Hey, baby. Stop. We are talking to you!"

I didnt knew what to do. Should I run? Should I stop, trying to calm them down by acting friendly? My hand so close around my keys I hurt myself. It was already too late to run away, one of them grabbed me by the arm. So firm I couldnt move it to use the keys anymore. That was it. Only some weeks in Gotham city and I was already dead. I should have known better.

"Take her stuff!" the other one yelled. He sounded obvously drunk. "I will" he hurt my arm again "But... I think there is even more we could do besides taking her stuff..." he grabbed my bag, hew it to the other guy and pushed me against the wall, violently. With his alcoholic breath. I felt my eyes watering. "Don`t cry baby doll. i`m sure you`re gonna like it". The other one was laughing, while he took my money and cards. "Oh, you can have her. I already made out with the other girl an hour before" more laughter. "Good" he yelled into my face "More left for me". Hands on my chest. Hands everywhere as he started to pull up my shirt. A whimper. it was mine. I started crying. "Stop crying you stupid bitch!" I tried to stop but i couldnt.

And suddenly a shot fell. And another one.

I still felt his firm hands around my arm as he hesitated to take a look around. thats when I saw the other guy lying face down on the ground. Blood tripping from his body. He wasnt moving anymore. "What the fuck?" he let go of me, running to his buddy.

Thats when I looked the other way.

There was someone standing inthe alley with us. It was dark but I still could make out the color of his suit. It was red. And he was holding a gun in his left hand. He came closer as the guy who wanted to rape me was yelling at the dead body on the ground.

His face was painted like a clown. A red nose, a big smile and blue around his eyes. His hair was slick back, slightly curly and green, almost reaching down his shoulders. He looked intimitating. But for some reason I wasn`t afraid of him.

"Are you okay?" the clown came up to me,touching my shoulder very carefully."Yeah...I guess I am".

I was still in shock. I just witnessed murder. This guy just shot someone in front of my eyes. He walked up slowly to the other guy.

"You shot my best friend!" the guy yelled.

"Get up!" the clown said

The guy was getting up. It felt like watching a slow motion scene.

"He didnt deserved to live. He was about to watch you raping her."

"So what? Maybe I can`t have her today. But there is always a tomorrow."

The man in the red suit took a step towards him

"You think so, huh?"

"Of course" the drunk guy said, looking at me with his hungry eyes "I would make her scream and..."

Another shot.

And after that. Nothing but silence and his gentle hand upon my shoulder again "They can`t hurt you anymore". He lit himself a cigarette, sucking the smoke in like nothing just happened. The two dead bodies lying in front of us.

"Thank you for saving me from these guys...but....you just SHOT them !" my voice cracked.

He blew the smoke out "I know. They would have found another victim. These kinda guys never stop." He pulled my shirt down. It was still up from all the grabbing. "I just hope you`re okay. You`re shaking." There was somthing so comforting in his voice. I felt so torn between being shocked and being reliefed that someone saved me from what was about to happen.

"I`m still... in shock I guess. He tried to..."

"I know. Thats why I took care of it. People can be aweful. Especially here in Gotham city. You should even be out here on the streets alone".

His eyes pierced me. It was hard to not be attracted to him. Maybe it was the shock. I flt like a compleate freak, feeling save talking to someone who just shot two guys in an dark alley while waring clown make up. He obviously wasnt a cop or something. He must have been some kind of criminal himself. I shouldn`t even keep talking to him. "Do you live far from here?" he grabbed my stuff that was still lying on the ground, made sure to collect it all together and handed it to me "Sorry for the blood on it." There was something so careless about him, after mudering two men. And yet he seemed to care so much about if i`m okay. I wondered if it was the first time that he killed someone.

I took my purse and the rest of my things "Um....no not that far. Maybe a 30 minutes walk. But I just moved here and lost track of the streets. It was so dark and I`m not sure how to find back home anymore."

He threw the last bit of his cig aon the ground "I could walk you home if you want. Which street is it?"

I didnt wanted to tell him my exact adress "Near Anderson ave".

"You`re kidding, right? I lived in Anderson ave all my life. I mean...I still do actually". He put the gun back in his pocket.

"Oh so you know the way back?"

"Sure"

I thought about this for a minute. Wasn`t this insane?

"Look, you don`t have to. I can go now" he said "I just wanna let you know that I wouldnt ever hurt you. i just killed those guys because they wanted to do bad things to you and they also said they would do it again. Its okay if you don`t trust me. Just let me know if I should walk you home. I dont mind eighter way."

His voice was so soft. I couldnt stop staring at the way he was using his hands while talking . They seemed to floath through the air. The way he moved was graceful. His slender body in the red suit makde me feel something. I was just very drawn to this stranger.And even though he did something bad. He only did it to save me. I decited to let him walk me home.

"No. I belive you. You can walk me home"

"Great" it almost looked like he was dancing as he turned around, smirking.

I was walking right next to him.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure!"

"Why are you wearing clown make up?" i pointed at his face.

"I used to work as a party clown"

"Really?"

"yeah"

"Thats funny. I just got a new job here at Haha`s. "

His face immediately darkened. Did I said something wrong.

"At Haha`s, huh?"

I didnt dared to say answer. His face expression changed in between seconds.

"I know that place."

"Do you.... work there too?

"Not anymore"

I nooded. this subject didnt seemed to be a good choice for conversation. So I remained silent. He didnt said anything anymore eighter. Everything about this felt weird but being around him was indeed very exciting.

"So this alley leads to Anderson ave" as we arrived at my block.

"Oh, I know the way from here. I don`t know how to thank you..."

He smiled. It was more of a smirk really. Behind all the make up. I was wondering how he would look like without the face paint. His facial expression was so interesting. Still intense behind all of this clown make up.

"No need to thank me" he said while his eyes kept piercing me. I wasnt sure how I should say goodbye to the one that just saved me. Maybe my life even. So I just offered him a hug. he leaned towards me and let me hug him. His hands oddly lying on my back, barely touching me. He seemed kinda shy, which was very surprising. For a brief moment I felt his cheek on mine. I even felt the softness of the white face paint upon my skin. Shivers running down my spine. I coulnt help it. Feeling him letting go of our hug almost hurted me. What was happening?

"So, since you dont live far from here, maybe I´ll see you around?"

He reached down his pocket, pulled out a pen,a piece of paper and started writing "Here is my number. I mean, just in case someone is bothering you again. Or following you. Just call me when something feels wrong."

A card is falling out of his pocket. He pickes it up, looking at it for a little bit too long. I couldnt tell what it said but it must have been something important to him. He seemed nervous as he put it back "Not this one." he mumbled.

I once again told him how thankful I was before we said our goodbyes.

Heading back ome after all of this felt surreal. Did that really happen? I turned around and he was still standing there, lightening another cig.

I looked at the piece of paper he gave to me.

Arthur.

That was his name.

A beautiful name.

Just as beautiful as he was.

As soon as I got home, I hoped into bed. Once again I wasnt tired. How could I`ve been tired after this? I was more awake than ever. That face. I put his number on my bedside table, lying on my back. i just coulnt stop thinking about how his bare face might have looked like. Would I even be able to notice him on the streets without his costume and make up? His green eyes and the smirk haunted me all night long. Arthur. He forgot to put his last name on it. Or was that onpurpose. Eighter way I had his number.

And then out of the sudden I realized that I haven`t thought about the fact that he might get caught and locked up for killing two strangers on the sidewalk. Panic was spreading inside of me like a tumor. If he would get caught it would be my fault. He killed them to save my life. I could have never forgiven myself that.

My heart told me I should get up, grab the phone and call him. Asking him how he would try to not being caught. If there was any plan or... This was ridicilous. What could I possibly say to him? I guess he was aware of what he just did. I started sweating and opened my window. More noises of people yelling at each other. What an aweful city. He seemed like the only nice person I have met since I moved here. With his face and voice in my mind, I was finally able to FEEl something again. The sensation of having strong emotions was something I thought I lost. And all of the sudden I imagined this stranger in my mind. Someone I knew nothing about. But he made me feel something. It was like awakening from a long, dark sleep. Maybe my heart wasn´t dead yet. Maybe there was a spark left inside of me. And he lit it. Not only because he saved me. It was his presence. The way he looked right though me. His cheek against mine. Those hands. Images of fresh memories started to floath my mind and I enjoyed it. I finally enjoyed something again. It was like I felt my own heart beating in my chest. I havent felt that for years. Sometimes I didnt even knew if it was still beating anymore. And now it was so loud. A competition to the traffic outside.

And after hours of thinking about him I finally fell asleep to the sound of the traffic.

Red painted lips.

A fake smile covering a real smile.

I put one figer on his upper lip. I can feel a scar.

Pressing it softly, before his face comes closer.

He leans in before I feel the softest kiss upon my lips.

I woke up, rubbing my eyes, realizing that I just dreamed about kissing this total stranger. He really managed to get into my mind. I still felt his lips on mine. I thought about his hands. I took a close look to them when he was holding the gun. They looked so gentle. I caught myself thinking about how it would feel to be touched by those hands. To hold them.

I got up, made a coffe and got dressed. I had to go to the pharmacy to get some sleeping pills. I just couldnt do this anymore. Lying awake all night drained the life out of me.

Gotham looked the same way at daylight as it looked at night. Just as dark and depressing. Hopefully the sleeping pills would help me find some rest again.

After I arrived the pharmacist asked me if I had experience with sleeping pills and told me about all the side effects. i just wanted to get out of ther for gods sake. Two minutes laer she was still taking to me, not even realizing I wansnt listening anymore, someone else entered the room. I was glad because she was alone there and had to serve the other costumer now. But she still kept talking.

Suddenly a voice from behind interrupted her "No, the other ones are actually better. And you can get them without a recipe,too."

"Excurse me?" the lady said "The ones on the left" a tiney looking man with brown curls was coming up to us. He pointed at the meds, looking at me "Belive me. You want those. Not the ones on the right. They will give you bad nightmares."

"Oh. Okay thank you, Mr." I looked at the pharmacist "So, I want those, please" she gave me a look and told me how much they were. I payed, taking another look to the man beside me, as he put different receipes on the counter.

There was something about his facial features. His eyes. Those piercing eyes.

The lady gave him an annoyed look "As usual, Mr. Fleck?"

"Yeah"

"Alright. Give me a minute to get them"

He nodded.

His hands.

"Arthur?" I wasnt sure if I was out of my mind but he reminded me of the clown who saved me last night.

He immediately faced me when I said his name. IT WAS HIM.

"Yes?"

"Its you right? You were the..... " I whispered "The clown that saved me last night"

He smiled in a very shy way, he lowered his voice "I was".

That feeling. There is was again. I didnt knew what was happening to me. I just fell for this man. His bare face even more beautiful than I imagined.

The sales woman came back, handing him out three bottles of meds. He hesitated to put them into his pocket, like he was afraid I might get a closer look to it. I finally took my sleeping pills,too. Still staring at him.

"I thought about you last night" saying the words out loud I just realized how it sounded like "I mean...not like that. Oh my god this is embarrassing. I`m sorry."

You don`t have to be embarrassed.. what was your name again?"

"I`m Y/N"

"Hi Y/N!" he offered me his hand. HIS HAND! The one I dreamed about last nicht. Fantasized about being touched by it. His skin was even softer in reality. We got out of the pharmacy together, standing in the middle of the crowded streets.

"Arthur, I have to thank you once again and I was woried about you. Umm..You can imagin why. "

His arms hung down on him in a weird way. A body languare so differently from last night. So shy, intimidated even. By what? By me?

"Don`t worry about me Y/N. I always get back on my feet."

"Yeah well " my heart was racing in my chest while looking at him "You were the only one here that was ever nice and taking notice since I moved here. I`m always alone since I`m a citizen of Gotham city"

He lit a cig "I can imagin. I`m alone since the day I was born"

Why would he say that?I noticed how sad his eyes were, behind his stare, behind the piercing look of his green eyes, there was so much sadness. I had a better look into them now in the daylight. His beautiful face looked kinda tired. Tired of life.

I knew that feeling. I wanted it to fade from his face. I wanted his eyes to light up. And I wanted to be the reason for that.

"Arthur, do you want to go out with me? Like... for a coffee?"

His hand started to shake a little "You mean like a date?"

"Um..." I felt myself blushing "I dont know....if you want it to be one."

He smiled "If YOU want it to be one."

We headed to the next coffee shop, not saying a word as our hands touched slightly ,but our smiles said it all.

Maybe we both were alone.

But now it was time to be alone together.

@impulsiveclown @ben-solos-writing-avenger @jokerownsmysoul @missjoker96 @arthurskitten @lynnesm @nonnymousse @jokerhoe @gwynplaine89 @damnrightobsessedwithim @sgtsavoytruffle @duhliriouss @sadjesterautumn @therealjokerking10 @flowerglitterwoman @thirstforfleck @spookyhome @iartsometimes @downtoclown-around @you-cant-cry-in-here @bustafatclownnut @jokerismyhubbie @jokerflecker @casiaregina @check-out-this-joker @mrsjfleck @darknessisafriend @bring-your-holy-water @nicoleverse @mdme-rosary @arthurhappyclown @yami-rhs @mrsjfleck @cmollica @mollyxlyla-rosex @widkkfowpqpsnanq @rhokie @neon-umbrella-for-stella @queenie70 @casiaregina @missmayx @these-written-reveries @cherrymoon75

#arthur fleck #arthur fleck fanfiction #arthur fleck fanfic #joker #joker fanfiction #joker2019 #joaquinphoenix #arthur fleck imagine #joker imagine #joker x you #joker x reader #arthur fleck x you #dc #Gotham

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thedankfaerie · 4 years

Text

i am posting this here because i am tired of burdening my boyfriend with my feelings. this is a little nsfw. and this is my call for help. i dont know who to talk to anymore about this.

i need someone to hear what i feel

or at least, a free space to say what i feel

im in a low place. i feel so awful about myself and my body and i hate this feeling. i hate that this time last year, i was so happy about the way i looked. i was working this awful job that had me so overworked and overtired and poorly treated that i skipped meals and slept through meals regularly... i lost so much weight from stress in just a year and was the skinniest i had ever been. mentally, i was not in a good place being exploited by my managers... but my self esteem re: my body was at a new level i never knew could exist for me.

last year, i felt powerful and confident about my body, and i expressed that through sexuality. i was fucking my ex that i still liked (i grew out of wanting him back, but he never did, and it was nice to have the upper hand). i was also fucking an old fwb that i stayed friends with, that was also recently single, so we reunited again at the perfect time. i was also seeing this one guy (now my boyfriend) so if ever i got tired of the sex i at least was able to calm down and settle down with someone who genuinely wanted to know me. of course, i ended up catching feelings for this guy, and cut off the other two to pursue something more serious (we are now dating and are moving in together next month!) anyways, it was so nice to be wanted. to feel... i guess sexy? sex is empowering. and it shouldn’t be taboo to say that as a woman, or anyone really. i dont want to give off the message that a woman’s validation is fueled by men’s desire - but hey, don’t you feel flattered when someone thinks you’re attractive? desire and lust aren’t everything... but they matter. and they have an impact on how you feel about yourself, whether or not you believe me when i say that is up to you.

and i hate that i would gladly put myself through the stress that i did just to feel happy about my body. before the summer ended, i finally had enough and i quit my shitty job. i was jobless for a month, but was able to enjoy the rest of the summer with my new ‘skinny’ body - last year i took my first bikini picture ... a 2 piece! i have never done that. i still think about how happy i was that summer to look and feel good about myself.

i have struggled with self esteem issues since highschool. i always felt like i was too big. i used to follow all these blogs of pretty people and try to copy their poses to feel pretty and i used to spend hours after school trying on short dresses and clothes to stare at my body in the mirror. i used to starve myself to the point of literally wanting to faint on the daily, until finally i admitted it to one of my teachers. she respectfully asked if i wanted to speak with the school guidance counsellor, and i declined. but she encouraged me to speak up to at least a friend, so i did, and it helped, and for a long time, i was okay. after i graduated that teacher still checked up on me for a few years every now and again.

4th year university was when i realized how much i had let myself go. i was the heaviest i had ever been, it was my graduating year, i was looking for a job and was always worried about my grades. every time i was stressed or every time i needed to study i bought pad thai and bubble tea. a ritual. i didnt realize how much that had caught up to me until i saw old pictures of myself. at this point, i started my (shitty) job, straight out of graduation.

i actively avoided scales, i didn’t like looking at the number because it just made me upset. and i already felt upset looking in the mirror, i didn’t need something else to make me upset. but i did. and i was 20 pounds heavier than i was in highschool - the heaviest i had ever been.

i cried.

i didnt do much about it. i was too busy. my first job out of uni was a brand new daycare and i was head teacher of a toddler class - also i was the only staff on floor since there were not as many kids. there was nobody to train me, at all. i had to teach myself everything. i had no time.

a little while before starting the job, i met this guy. he was so hot, but such a dick - we had a “thing” but it was so toxic. he started off interested in me, but i turned him down. his attitude changed and he started being a douche, but we became friends because we were seeing each other so often. i didn’t have a car yet. he was driving me everywhere. he lived 5 minutes away. he was the type of friend that would text me “im outside, lets go out”. we hung out as friends at first, we would have “study dates”, until we started hooking up. we acted like a thing but he denied we were ever one - but got mad at me whenever i tried to look elsewhere. but i guess in that time, it was nice to be wanted, especially by someone so attractive.

but again, a year in that shithole job went by fast. i would stay late after work. i would come in on weekends. i was expected to not only help new kids transition, but train new partners. and given that my supers refused to support me, i watched a lot of people quit due to pressure. i had to keep retraining. and kids kept coming. that never stopped. i can honestly say my class wasn’t settled until december, and i started in september. everyday it was ‘its fine, it will get better’.

a year in that shithole, with 0 support, and i lost all the weight i gained - and more. i was the skinniest i had ever been. even in highschool. i looked at old pictures of myself from when i started the job at my heaviest. i couldnt believe that was me. and i was so happy looking at myself in the mirror. for once!

after i quit that job, i started another job that i hoped would be a happy ending.

and it wasn’t. it stressed me out just as much. i also moved out by this point, a month after i started this job. my hours are whack. 7-9, 11:30-6. i woke up early and got home late. i never had free time. my last shift at my old job was 7-3:30 and i had the whole day to myself. im someone that needs social interaction and alone time, and by the time i got home i was so tired, i would just cook, clean, shower, and go to bed. and that was my life. sometimes i would get so tired that i couldn’t cook, i just went and ate out. i tried to make personal time with my friends after work but by the time i reached their house, it was late, and places were closed. and id have to leave early anyways because i had work early the next day... so fast food was the only way to make this work. on top of this, this was the most difficult class that i had ever had. the kids behaviours’ were so difficult and i couldn’t handle it. i would cry in my car 3x a week. i would cry 4 minutes before my shift starts in the washroom and walk out and pretend i was okay. i would have my boyfriend come over as much as i could just so i could cry in his arms. i couldnt leave this job because i had just moved out and having a consistent rent payment was a huge responsibility for me. as well, if you know anything about ECEs in canada, just know we make shit pay. but this job pays me better than most ECE jobs... by a landslide. AND gives me benefits, which is so hard to find. i am still at this job - i was at my breaking point at the time covid started, so i was rejoicing when we closed for covid. i havent worked since march, but i needed that time off so desperately.

with that being said, i gained the weight back.

not everything, but i definitely could tell i was packing on some pounds.

cue covid.

i havent worked since march. i fell back into a lazy routine of ordering fast food. lying in bed. resting. just enjoying NOT dealing with my difficult class.

but i gained it all back. and i think im back at my heaviest weight. i picked up all my summer clothes from last year from my moms... half of them dont fit me. my favourite pair of shorts won’t close. i just sat and cried in a mess of clothes on my floor in front of the mirror. this was last week.

im trying to tell myself, ‘you’re in the middle of a global pandemic, go easy on yourself’... but do you know what it’s like to finally get what you’re chasing, and have it be taken away from you? i finally had a taste of what it was like to look AND feel good about myself. something ive wanted since i was a teenager...and it’s gone. it’s my fault and i accept that, so please don’t tell me i did this to myself. i know i did. but i can still be upset about it. i look in the mirror and i try to suck my stomach in and pretend nothing changed but its not the same. i see old pictures of myself, especially that bikini pic. ironically, i captioned it “i will never have the confidence to take a bikini pic again”... and here we are. i look at the clothes i wore last year and remember how fucking good i felt wearing them. i try putting them back on and seeing my stomach bulging and my arms looking fat and my love handles, something i didn’t see last year. and i just take them off and opt to wear something frumpier that doesnt hug my figure.

i try to tell people about how i feel but i cant take those ‘love yourself and all your flaws’ campaigns seriously. i dont think i can listen to another ‘you have to just keep faking it until you make it and if u just tell urself ur beautiful u will feel beautiful!’

because if you’re me, you know you cant kid yourself. if you’re me you can’t ‘love every flaw’. you fixate on them. and you let them define you. and if youre me, flaws are all you see.

i hate myself for getting back to this point.

i have a very supportive boyfriend that knows about all this, who is trying to actively get me to go on runs with him. we are trying to go for walks more and be out and about. he reminds me of little things, like if we are getting bubbletea he will suggest i go with less sugar. he is trying, we are trying. and i appreciate him so much.

today i complained in my car about this to my boyfriend, again. for the millionth time. and he still was supportive. but i just feel like i cant keep doing this to him. he said something today, which i think was him trying to give me a reality check to show me that i cant just wish i could starve myself and overwork myself to lose weight and call it a day... but it stung. he said “i don’t want to be with someone that’s not healthy. i have standards too” and i realized then he deserves so much better than to fucking babysit my complaining ass. i am 24. and i shouldnt be putting this on him. he is an adult with problems just as real as mine and i shouldnt be burdening him with this anymore.

im scared to talk to him about how that comment made me feel, because he’s so right, and he has every right to leave me. i would honestly. the amount that i worry and fixate on all my flaws and complain and have crying breakdowns about this is not fucking normal. and it shouldnt be his problem. i just want him to be with someone that doesnt give him this baggage. he met me in my ‘prime’ days when i just started getting my skinny body last year. when we finally started dating, we were super sexually active. and i mean, having sex like 15 times a week. im not kidding. now we havent had sex in almost an entire month. i dont feel sexy anymore and its impacting my sex drive.. he tries to start it with me and i just can’t because i feel like he is probably repulsed by my body. this is a huge huge huge problem, seeing as sex was a huge part of our relationship (we are very emotionally in tune with one another, but sex was a great addon because we both love it so much). i hate the way i look without clothes on. i cant bring myself to do it because it makes me feel like shit about myself.

but we are moving in together next month. and that is a huge step. and i am worried that i will never change, and he’s going to feel like he’s stuck with me because he’s moving 40 minutes away from his hometown to live with me. i almost want us to break up so he can be with someone with less baggage but i also love him and i want to be better for him and for us.

someone please help me.

#help #lol

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keenge · 4 years

Text

I was holding her in my arms when the phone rang ... "It's 3:30 in the fucking morning this had better be important !!!" I said losing the dream. " Mat, it's T and I really do hate to bother you, but I think he is back," said my partner and best friend Theresa McCawley , " Beat patrol found her body about 30 minutes ago, down by the docks." " I'll be there in 15 minutes Teri. " and I hung up, got dressed and locked my door and left the house. My name is Mathias MacGregor and I have been a cop in Riverside, La. most of my adult life, was born and raised there, and the man my partner was referring to is known as the Dock Master ... this is our story.

It all started when a young girl, 16, was found beaten raped, brutally tortured and murdered on the East dock 8 years ago. Since then he has left 12 more bodies and so many unanswered questions it makes me sick. He had a calling card, my initials carved into the victims foreheads, a detail the press miraculously has never found out about.

It's been a year since he struck the last time, a year since he put a bullet into my chest and I put one into his leg and back, a year filled with pain rehab and booze and me tracking the few clues he has left behind.

The second victim was found less than a week after the first and it was the pathologist that mentioned the letters ... my name isn't well known outside the department and certainly not my middle initial, so it was obvious that a message was being sent since a letter arrived for me at the lab while we were waiting for the autopsy report.

She had been beaten and raped like the first girl but the torture was different, not by much, but enough to see the bastard knew what he was doing and was good at it, a beat cop brought me the letter having signed for it from a courier. Inside was my full name a description of both victims including marks left by the torture and one sentence, "These are only the beginning."

That was 8 years and 10 victims ago, but god it feels like a lifetime. I got close a year ago because he made one mistake, just one but it was enough to trap him. We just weren't prepared for the fight he put up, 2 officers dead, 3 more including myself wounded and a shit ton of publicity asking why we havent caught him. " Mat, the call went out on a cell and came straight to me, they know the rules." This is why I adore my partner and best friend, Teri can read me like a book.

There had been calls made over the radios for the first 4 victims but, after the 3rd and 4th had my initials on their foreheads as well as the first 2, we decided anymore would go out over special phones we had made for our department.

Don't get me wrong I don't hate the press, I just don't have much use for them to be honest. They twist words and actions and typically report only what they want.

After the first 4 victims they were already calling him the Dock Master, even though we had begged them not to, we had learned from other cities giving a serial killer a name tends to make them bolder and more ... violent.

"Do we have an I.D. on her yet?" I asked of nobody in particular, "No lieutenant, but she doesn't look like a typical street kid." I walked over knelt down and pulled the sheet back from her face, OH MOTHERFUCKER" I yelled, making everyone jump and turn towards me, " This is Mayor Thompson's daughter!!!" Teri looked at me with wide eyes and for the first time since the shooting last year I saw fear in her face.

Every single cop in Riverside knew Jesse Thompson, she was the city's darling because she was pretty and had a voice like an angel.

"Are you sure Mat" Teri asked in a hoarse whisper, "She is supposed to be in Chicago for the Cheerleading competition." "Yeah, I'm sure T, he didnt damage her face, except to leave his mark" I said, "I'll make the notification myself and meet you at the lab."

When I got to the lab I had a grim sense of satisfaction tempered with a pity I never thought I'd ever feel for the man i was sure was the biggest crook in our small part of the world. After the shooting, our esteemed Mayor, in his infinite wisdom, took to the press (see above opinions) and made us seem like the Keystone Kops.

I was personally accused of mishandling the evidence and the investigation and causing the deaths and injuries of my friends and comrades.

"Doc says it will be tomorrow before her report is ready Mat, go home and get some sleep for what it's worth, I'll go to the office then head home myself" said Teri when I walked through the doors. "Come by the house when your done at the office if you want T, we could both use some stress relief about now" I said with a sad smile. " You still have your key, I'll be in the shower and you can join of you want." She smirked hugged me and whispered " Only if you promise to be a little rough" and walked away towards the exit.

Teri and I have known each other for 25 yrs and it wasn't until 3 yrs ago that either of us ever really thought about being anything but friends, as strange as that sounds, we were both either with someone or only one of us was single or whatever the case may be but it took that long, but damn it was worth the wait.

When she got to my house I was in the shower as promised, as she came into the bathroom I could tell she had been crying, so I stood under the water waiting for her to decide what she was going to do, as she stepped in I grabbed her, pushed her against the wall, and fell to my knees in front of her, grabbed her thighs and pushed them apart.

I slid my tongue into her wet slit, flicking her clit, as I grabbed her breasts with my hands and played with her nipples. "OH MY GOD YES" she yelled, as I gently sucked her clit into my mouth, and rubbed it between my upper and lower teeth, as she came she grabbed my hair pulling me up and said "FUCK ME NOW"

As we were in the tub she shoved me down, grabbed me in her hand and squeezed, as she stroked slowly smiling at me, then swung her leg over and lowered herself onto my face, allowing me to find her clit and lips with my tongue, as she took me in her mouth, and slowly licked and sucked up and down my manhood, while I was licking and sucking her womanhood until she finished on my face and in my mouth,"God that feels amazing" she said letting me out of her mouth, she turned and rolling onto her back, pulled me over with her and taking me in her hand she guided me inside of her slowly, squeezing and caressing me inch by inch until I was all the way in, then she wrapped her legs around me, looked into my eyes, and said "Fuck me as hard as you can". So I did, and we both came, her at least 2 more times as I filled her with mine, then I slid down her body and proceeded to lick and suck her clean, making her cum again, then I picked her up and held her in my arms as she cried again, I held her till she was finished , then we laid down on the bed, and went to sleep snuggled together, in what would be the last decent sleep we would get for almost 6 months.

When we woke up that afternoon we didnt say much, just cleaned up and headed back to the lab where the coroner, Gina Dubois, was waiting with her report. " This is a bad one Mat, he has added to his repertoire. She died due to almost total exsanguination ... she lost about 95% of her total blood volume. But before she died he hurt her bad, I counted 146 broken bones, almost every single muscle, tendon and ligament was either stretched or torn, she was beaten worse than the rest ... " , she paused and I could feel the anger and frustration radiating from her, "She was raped repeatedly with a sharp double edged weapon both vaginally and analy, then he forced salt inside of her with a large rounded blunt object about 10 inches in diameter ... he tore her open inside so bad that even if she had been in a hospital she would have died!" " He also raped her and left fluids behind which we are analyzing now, but there is something else ..." and again she paused. "What is it Gina?" Asked Teri. Gina still hesitated, then finally spoke. "He left something else behind inside of her, a letter addressed to Mat" she said, " The letter is in my office since I haven't logged it into evidence yet." "Gina, what are you hiding?" I asked, "Not logging evidence is not like you, and you are kinda worrying me right now." "Fucking A and you should be worried, Mat he knows your full name, not just the goddamned initials, he knows you almost intimately," she said, "You don't even have your middle name listed officially anywhere, I know, I checked, so how the hell does he know so much about you?" Now I am not the kind of person that gives out my personal information to anyone, so for the bastard to know so much... " Gina, Teri, I swear I don't know, only 5 or 6 people know that name, there is a fucking reason I don't use it," I said, "The man that raped my mother and got her pregnant, he ... he kept tabs on her, and when she went into labor he followed her to the fucking hospital, and after I was born, he just walked in proud as you fucking please, and added a name to my birth certificate, my middle name... God I hate the name, but I have used what happened to her to become the cop I am, my middle name is, Dubois..." I heard Gina and Teri both draw in sharp breaths as they digested what I had just told them. I went into Gina's office and found the letter, and walked outside debating on who could know my full name, and hate me enough to do this kind of fucked up bullshit in my city.

Teri caught up to me as I was getting in my truck, "Mat" she began, "I am so sorry, you never told me anything about your childhood or growing up with what happened to you. But it doesn't change who you are, you are still my partner and goddammnit I need you to be at your best because this fucker is killing children in our city and he almost got you, so snap the fuck out of what ever funk your in and let's get to work and catch this maniac!" Leave it to Teri to put it so plainly and yet so perfectly, " Ok, T, your right, we need to go to the hospital so I can talk to Ashley, she needs to know about the letter." The letter! I hadn't even looked at it yet, and suddenly I was afraid to! Before I go too much further let me explain a bit more... Ashley Wise was the doctor that operated on me and the other cops that were wounded in the failed attempt to catch this bastard, but more importantly she is my baby sister.

"She is one of the very few people that know my full name so I need to talk to her ASAP."

I now my grammar and punctuation is atrocious but bear with me it is a work in progress

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lilacsos · 6 years

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Babysitter AI

A/N: Ok so this has been in the works for a month and I never finished it. I made a poll asking what I should write next and the winner was Ashton fluff so here is Ashton fluff. It also kinda switches between focusing on you and Ash and Luke at home with the kid so I hope it’s not confusing. I also put a keep reading cause I feel it’s long

Requested: Kinda?

Words: 3048 (a lot compared to my usual 1500)

Pairing: Ashton Irwin x reader

*Warnings*: Mentions of miscarriage, cute dad!Ashton, babysitter Luke, y’all have a son named Oliver

Summary: You and Ashton have been dating for years and you now have a nineteen-month-old son and you haven’t had a date night since before he was born. In comes Uncle Lu to watch the little tot while you and Ash go out

Masterlist Wanna be tagged?

Date night. It was something you and Ashton used to have at least once a week. Sometimes more or less depending on his tour schedule. It was one of the things you had looked forward to the most because those were nights the two of you could get out and just be you two again. Sometimes Ashton took you to fancy restaurants that he paid extra to make sure fans or paparazzi didn’t find out you would be there. Sometimes Ashton took you to the McDonald’s drive-thru and you guys sat and ate in the car outside of the house forever. Recently, there haven’t been as many date nights. It wasn’t that you and Ashton were fighting or anything, you had a baby. You loved your little Oliver with all your heart but he was about nineteen months old right now and you were exhausted. Luckily tour had ended a month or so before you gave birth so Ashton was home to help you since Oli was born. But, the two of you hadn’t had a date night in almost two years and you missed them. Ashton had expressed to you how much he missed them as well; so, with that, the hunt for a babysitter began. You knew you could ask the neighbors or use one of those websites but you were worried about people sending out personal information about you guys or your son. That’s what happened when you have a child with a famous man. Now was when you wished you lived closer to family that could watch the little guy but no one was close enough. The only people close were the boys. It’s not that you didn’t trust them, you just didn’t trust them. You and Ashton have been searching since Oliver was ten months but no one seemed good enough. At this point, you were tempted to hire a nanny. You were brought out of your thoughts by the sounds of Oliver’s laugh. The boys were over visiting and currently Luke and Oliver were playing.

“Come on Ash! One of us or all of us are fit to take care of Oli!” Michael laughed and threw his arm around your shoulders. “You guys need a date night and some adult conversations. Let one of us watch the little man.”

You smiled at Michael and glanced over at your boyfriend of four years. He looked to be entertaining the idea of the boys watching his son; while Ashton thought, you looked back at your son. He looked just like Ashton. Oli had the same curly brown hair, hazel eyes, and adorable little nose. In your eyes, Oliver was perfect and no one could change your mind. You watched as he giggled as Luke grabbed him under the arms and threw him up into the air and caught him on the way down. Oliver let out a little squeal that soon turned to a scream. “I think this means boob please!” Luke yelled over the screaming, sending Ashton off to grab a bottle to heat up. It was close to his bedtime so he was ready for a bottle and to be put down.

“He doesn’t get boob anymore Luke! He just gets a bottle! Those puppies are all mine!” Ashton called from the kitchen, causing you to roll your eyes and Michael to crack up. He came back into the living room, sending you a wink before he grabbed Oliver from Luke and went upstairs to put him to sleep.

Luke came to sit on the other side of you and smiled. “Yeah, Y/N. I really think one of us could watch Oli no problem. Maybe not Calum.” He snorted and gestured over to Cal who had been asleep in the chair for an hour.

“I’ll talk to Ash. Thank you guys for offering though. You guys are the best.”

You and Ashton had spent almost a week talking about having one of the boys babysit Oli and you finally came to a decision. In less than an hour, Luke would be over to watch Oliver while you and Ashton had a date night. It might not have seemed like an obvious choice to pick Luke but you had seen the way Luke played with Oli and how much your son enjoyed spending time with his Uncle Lu. Not to mention you had Michael on call in case Luke needed extra help. Ashton came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist. You glanced at him through the mirror and sighed. “What if something goes wrong?”

Ashton kissed your shoulder and spun you to face him. “It won’t Doll. Luke will be fine. And if anything were to happen, which it won’t, Michael is ready to come over.”

You sighed and rested your hands on his shoulders. “I really hope so.”

Ashton smirked and leaned in to kiss you but the sound of your son’s voice stopped him. “Daddy!” The squeal that erupted from Oliver’s lips when Ashton picked him up make your heart swoon. Ashton peppered kisses all over his son’s face as you stopped to take a picture. At the sound of the doorbell, you ran downstairs and opened the door to find Luke with a bright smile and a teddy bear bigger than Oli.

“This is for the little tyke. I hope he likes it.” Luke set the bear on the couch and looked towards the stairs to see Ashton helping Oliver down the stairs.

“He’s gonna love it since it came from his Uncle Lu.” Ashton laughed and watched Oliver run over to Luke and grasp onto his legs. “Ok, Oliver didn’t have a nap today so he will be tired. Usually, his bedtime is seven but since he didn’t nap you can probably get him to go down at 6:30 if you try. There’s a bottle in the fridge, all you have to do is heat it up. We usually set it in warm water for no more than ten minutes.”

“If he gets fussy, start making the bottle. You can ask him if he’s tired and he might tell you ‘yes’ but he’s gonna avoid sleeping for as long as he can. Make sure to change his diaper and pjs before bed. Rock him in the rocking chair while he drinks his bottle and sing to him. Then just put him in bed.” You grabbed your coat off of the rack and smiled at Oliver who had plopped himself down at Luke’s feet and began to play with his shoelaces.

Luke stared at both of you with wide eyes as he tried to process all of the information he was just told. “Anything else?”

“Yeah, if he wakes up, try to rock him back to sleep. Ashton usually sings him Close As Strangers when he wakes up in the middle of the night.” You turned to see Ashton standing at the open door.

“Call us if you need anything Luke. Or call Michael.” Ashton wrapped his arm around your waist and smiled. “We should be home by nine.”

Luke grabbed Oliver in his hands and brought him over so the two of you could say goodbye before you left. After many kisses on Oli’s chubby cheeks, the two of you set out ready for date night.

Luke closed the door behind the two of you and smiled down at Oliver. “Alright pal, we have half an hour before I’m expecting you to get tired. What do you wanna do?”

“Puppy!” Oliver squealed and pointed to the bookcase.

“That’s a bookcase dude.” He set Oliver down on the ground and watched him run over to the books and pull out one with a puppy on the cover. “Oh, I get it. Puppy. Alright, let’s get to reading.”

“Do you think he’s ok?”

“I’m sure Oli is fine baby.” Ashton answered as he looked at the menu in front of him.

“I meant Luke. Do you think Oliver is being too difficult? Maybe we should call Luke and check on him.” You sighed and set the menu down, not very hungry now.

“Honey, he’s fine. Don’t worry about Luke. We’ve been gone for only twenty minutes. Oliver has probably been having Luke read to him the whole time. This is a date night for us to have adult conversations.” He reached over the tabled and grabbed your hand in his. “We can get ice cream after dinner if you want it.”

With a small sigh, you smiled up at Ashton. “You know I can’t say no to ice cream.” Ashton seemed to think you finally had your mind off of your son as he went back to looking at the menu but he was wrong. What if Luke dropped Oliver? What if Oliver poked Luke in the eye and Luke needed to go to the hospital? What if someone broke into the house and stole Oliver?

“Hey, I can’t read minds but I can read faces. You’re worried.”

“How are you not worried?”

“I trust Luke with my life. I trust him with Oli. You should too.” Ashton sighed and smiled up at the waiter who had come to take your order. “I’m sure they’re fine.” He mumbled after the young girl left.

“Momma!” Oliver screamed once again as Luke tried to hand him the bottle. Oliver’s chubby little hands smacked the bottle out of his face and watched it fall to the ground.

“Mommy is gonna be home soon. You need to drink your bottle if you want to see her.” Luke had been bribing the small child for almost fifteen minutes, trying to get him to drink the bottle. He suddenly had no idea how you and Ashton took care of Oliver and made it look so easy. Luke managed to change Oliver without too much of a hassle, thank god. Luke did not want to get baby pee on him. But giving him his bottle, was a whole different story.

“No!” Oliver then took off down the hall, running away from Luke. With a groan, Luke took off after Oliver for the tenth time that night.

After a few minutes of chasing his nephew, Luke scooped him up in his arms and bounced him around a little, seeing how Oliver rubbed his eyes. “Please drink your bottle buddy. If you drink it Momma and Daddy will be home sooner.”

Something must have clicked because with that, Oliver grabbed the bottle and quickly began drinking it. Finally, something was going right. Luke sat down in the rocking chair and began rocking back and forth, singing Oliver to sleep. Once Oli was asleep, Luke leaned his head against the chair and closed his eyes. Now all he had to do was transfer Oliver into his crib which sounded pretty easy in theory but Luke couldn’t be sure that transferring him wouldn’t wake him up. So, he sat there for almost twenty minutes, rocking Oliver to make sure he was sleeping before he carefully stood and lowered Oli into his crib. Oliver wiggled a little bit and Luke held his breath as he watched the small child move around. Luckily, he continued to sleep and once Luke pulled the side of the crib up, he would hopefully be done for the night.

“Do you remember the first time I kissed you?” Ashton asked with a laugh as he threw his arm around your waist, leading you through the park with your ice creams in hand.

“How could I forget? It was 2015 and you guys won the ARIA for best Australian Live Act. You got so excited about the win that you kissed me. I didn’t even know what to think or do.” You answered with a laugh, smiling at the memory.

“Ah, but what you don’t know is I had been trying to work up the courage to ask you out for months. It was that day that I decided I would ask you out after the show. Of course, I was not expecting to have already kissed you but, it went well.” Ashton took a lick of his ice cream before switching with you so you could get a taste of his and he could have some of yours.

“Since apparently, this park has memory lane,” you stopped to smile when Ashton laughed at your joke, “do you remember when we found out we were pregnant with Oli?”

Ashton smiled and took you to sit on a park bench. “Of course I do. That was the best day of my life. We weren’t trying for a baby but we weren’t preventing anything. You hadn’t been feeling good the past few weeks so I took you to the doctor and we didn’t even think you could be pregnant. So, when the doctor asked if we had unprotected sex, the gears started turning. They did a test and that’s when we found out we would be parents.”

“You cried like a baby.” Ashton giggles at your words and pulled you to sit on his lap.

“Can you blame me? I just learned I would be a dad, finally.”

The two of you sat in comfortable silence for a while, just enjoying spending some time together. It had been so long since you two had time to yourselves, you didn’t know what to talk about. Of course, the lack of talking was fine too but it allowed your mind to wander. Oliver wasn’t your first pregnancy. You and Ashton had gotten pregnant the year before you were expecting Oliver. The baby hadn’t made it past the first trimester and it really hurt you and Ashton. So of course, when you found out you were pregnant again, you took every precaution to make sure he would be safe. Once you passed the point of hiding your growing bump, you finally told everyone. You also broke the news that this wasn’t your first pregnancy. Everyone was so supportive of you two which made everything a lot easier. Maybe that’s why you didn’t think a babysitter would ever be good enough for Oli.

“What are you thinking about?” Ashton asked softly, bringing you from your thoughts.

“Oli could have been a younger brother.” At your words, Ashton wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you onto his lap, your head on his chest.

“I know baby.” He kissed the top of your head, hands rubbing your back. “I’m so sorry this happened to you.”

“It happened to you too Ash.” You mumbled as you pulled away from his chest to get a better look at him.

“I know but it was your body that went through it. I wish I could have stopped it or helped you. I’m so sorry.” Ashton took the miscarriage hard as well. You knew he wanted a big family and he thought he was going to get started on that when suddenly his dream was crushed. The possibility of being a dad was ripped out of his hands and thrown away. He spent the first few months after the miscarriage with you, making sure you were ok. It wasn’t until after he felt you were fine, he began going through his own grieving process. The boys were a huge help during that time. “But now we have Oli and he’s the best son I could have ever asked for.”

“I love you. You’re the best boyfriend and father to Oliver.”

“And I love you. I can’t imagine my life without you.” Ashton smiled down at you, his hand coming to rest on your cheek as he leaned down, pressing his lips softly to yours. He rested his forehead on yours and smiled, kissing your nose.

“I want another. I know it’s soon and Oli is still so young and it will be hard to have a toddler and a newborn but...”

Ashton shook his head as he pulled back to see your face. “I don’t think it’s too soon. We can start trying. But first, let’s go home and see our boy.”

“Oliver, are you kidding me?” Luke whined as he bounced the child in his arms. Oliver had woken up only after sleeping for a little more than an hour. Luke had been rocking him for the past 45 minutes, hoping and praying that the kid would go to sleep before you and Ashton came home. “Do you want me to sing you a song?”

Oliver’s cries slowly died down as he nodded. “Daddy song.” Luke had no idea what that meant until he remembered your words before you left.

“Ok, I’ll sing Daddy’s song.” Luke pushes Oliver’s hair out of his eyes and softly began to sing. “Six weeks since I’ve been away, and you’re saying everything has changed and I’m afraid that I might be losing you.”

It didn’t take long for Oliver to fall asleep once more after Luke began singing. He laid the small boy back into the crib and once he was sure he was asleep, he wandered down to the living room and laid down on the couch, ready to pass out. In fact, he almost fell asleep until he heard the sound of the front door opening. Luke didn’t even bother to move as you and Ashton stepped into the house.

“Hey Luke.” Ashton smiled, taking in the sight of one of his best friends on the couch. “How did it go?” He took your coat off of your shoulders and hung it on the rack.

“Pretty good I would say. He fell asleep at seven since he was avoiding me and he stayed asleep for an hour before he woke up again. It took another hour to get him back to sleep but he’s sleeping now.”

You smiled and once Luke was standing, you walked over and wrapped your arms around his middle. “Thank you, Lu. Really. Thank you.”

Luke smiled up at Ashton and kissed your cheek. “Anything for the mother of my favorite nephew.”

“He’s your only nephew, for now at least.” At Ashton’s words, you turned to look at your boyfriend with a smile. “Want to take Oli to the park next week so we can work on baby’s number two?”

“Only if Michael puts him to bed next time.”

Tags (If your name is crossed out it means I can’t tag you)

@lustingfor5sos @mycollectionofnuts @ohhmuke @softboycal @norawashere @astrosashton @katiaw2 @littlesinnersins @bbyboyycal @rosecoloredash

#my shitty writing #ashton irwin imagine #ashton irwin fanfiction #ashton irwin #ashton 5sos #5sos imagine #5sos fanfiction #5 seconds of summer imagine #5 seconds of summer fanfiction #dad!sos #dad!ashton

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mysteriouskod · 5 years

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TW: possible stalking, sexual(?) Harassment, harassment in general, toxic masculinity(? I guess), just.. it's about a creep.

So, I didnt really wanna post this. I really, really didnt, but I'm fighting off an anxiety attack right now.

As you guys may know, I've been with out a job since December 2017. I have only recently decided to go back to work, despite not fully feeling ready. I need money, I have goals, if I could bull my way through work at my worst point, I figured I could do it now.

Abou 2 to 3 weeks ago, when I first started working the night shift, I walked to work as per usual. I love walking. It's my favorite way to prepare for or unwind from something. I went to Tim Hortons, a Canadian Coffee shop that made it's way here in Buffalo, before my shift because I was an hour and a half early. After eating a donut, I back tracked to work cause it's less than a five minute walk. I sit on the bench and smoke a cigarette.

Then he approaches me.

Now, I'm from South Buffalo. It's a little neighborhood pretty much right outside the outer city(so like, the outer outer city. I'm a block or so up from where the city of Buffalo actually starts, I think.) I also went to college inside the city. I'm used to weird people from all walks of life.

But this guy felt different.

I took my head phones out to see what he wanted, assuming it was a cigarette. He was visibly drunk, and high off something. Again, nothing I'm not used to. He hung around for about 15 minutes. He spoke in a way that didnt make sense. HE knew what he was talking about, but it literally made no sense. He leaves, I write it off as nothing.

Until Thursday.

I go out for my break around 10, cause the last cashier wants to go hone early. No problem. I really dont give a shit. Like always, I scan the parking lot. Not a paranoia thing, more like a "am I gonna get in anyone's way/How many customers do we have rn" type deal. I sit on the bench.

As soon as I sit on the bench, he approaches me.

Hes high/drunk again.

He again tries giving me cigarettes, I again try declining. He asks my name. I panic and give him my chosen name, cause no one at work knows that name since I cant have my name tag have that name(i hate it but I'm honestly glad) This way, he goes in asking for a Kinsey, no one will know who hes talking about.

Hes so fucked up he cant even say it right.

He asks my age, I tell him 21 thinking "mayhaps thisll make him leave me alone".

His response: "score! I am too..... just add a few"

Now, the man is clearly 40(well, 39 as I learned later). I have no problem with this. I dont give a shit how old someone is. I'll talk to anyone in normally conversation. I am more attracted to people older than myself. If I click, I click.

But I dont know any one in that age group in their right mind who would respond that way. Sure, I do know people who are older and like younger(LEGAL) people, but the difference is they know how to fucking act and dont ducking harass people so that's not my problem here.

I'm legitimately scared.

He gets a phone call, makes a really weird comment about me. Is talking about me like he actually KNOWS me.

The moment he turns his back and walks the other way I run inside and tell the cashier who then tells our manager on duty.

Fast forward an hour.

He fucking comes in.

Theres 4 to 5 other people at my station cause it's the easy scan and the only thing open for people to cash out.

He doesnt really try talking to me.

I get an opportunity after he leaves to call my manager up to help customers, and let him know the guy came in. Gives me a very firm "if you need me, call me" with that like... I really dont know how to describe it. I know the look cause my guy friends have given it to me before. You know... that like protective "I got your back, I wont let anything happen to you" look. Says he will let the over night manager who will be there for the rest of my shift know.

Fast forward to roughly 1215ish, the last 30 minutes of my shift.

Like three people in my store.

He comes in.

Starts accosting me for lack of a better word. Making no sense.

Trying to buy me food. I politely decline. He gets mad at my excuses(that could have been legitimate) Goes on about how nice I am (IM FUCKING NICE TO EVERYONE) Moves to the other side of my stand podium thingy. Doesnt realize I specifically adjusted my stance to not give him an opening. Continues to try giving me food, that im nice, getting mad I'm rejecting him. I'm desperately trying to get him to leave me alone. Even pointing out I think hes too drunk and needs to go sit down which makes him more angry. I consider telling him about my boyfriend.

Then a Male customer (one of 3 people who came up in the time guy was there, whom I was desperately trying to signal via eye contact that I needed help) says bye to me, and I say bye back. You know, my job.

The RAGE in this man's eyes that I DARE give another man attention was staggering.

Cant tell him I have boyfriend, he may get violent.

He finally decides go go grab MORE beer. I call my manager up.

Manager stands next to me, and when guy gets to a scanner, tells me to go to the back.

I literally have to hold myself back from RUNNING.

My manager calls for the other guy on shift who was cleaning the meat room to have him tell me I can come up. I think he did it on purpose so a) guy wouldnt get my work name and b) guy would know theres another man on shift.

I didnt stop shaking until I went to bed that night.

I bought a knife.

I havent touched a knife in over two years for personal reasons.

The guy only approaches me when I'm alone. When it's dark.

No body tried to fucking help.

I'm scared to go to work now. I'm scared that if I take my break outside, like I always do, he will approach me. I'm afraid that he will see me get out of my moms car (or the vehicle of who ever drives me) and come in.

I am afraid and do not know what to do; I need this job.

#harassment mention #tw harassment #stalking #tw stalking #harassment cw #harassment #this is harassment

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maximumflapshoesoul-blog · 5 years

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My nightmare neighbour

I really do live next door to a nightmare neighbour and for a year now she has stressed me out so much that i just want to scream. But instead of screaming i thought i would vent my frustrations by typing daily events in hope that putting it out there would ease my soul in someway. So here goes..it all started last summer with my son who was 11 at the time playing football in our own back garden with a friend of his. My son came upstairs to me saying next door wanted to speak to me. So i went down stairs and through to the back garden to see what she wanted..to my horror she started screaming at me about the kids playing and offering me a fight out on the front then she threatened me with a machete. I just got the kids in and shut the backdoor and took myself back upstairs. About 30 mins later the police arrived at my house as she had reported me. I explained to the police what had gone off and they were more than happy with my explaination as my neighbour is well known to the police for causing drama so the officer that came to see me said.

I really dont understand where all this had come from because before this i use to deliver parcels locally and often delivered to my neighbour and we use to chat.

On a daily basis me and my partner would hear her f..ing and blinding at her kids but turned a blind eye as we can all shout at our children but she was just exteme with it.

About a week after the first incident there was another knock at the door..this time it was the council police..a complaint had been put in about bedroom noise 😁 wow so now she wasnt just satisfied with controlling my son playing in his own back garden but now wants to control our sex lives 😂😂 obviously the council police left happy and nothing else was done about it.

I just want to say that my partner owns her own house outright so we are not council tenants so i really dont know what she was trying to achieve!!

For several months there was no more confrontations and no more knocks of the door from the council or police so thought she had just turned her attentions on to somebody else after realising she wasnt getting anywhere with us. Even though she still carried on shouting awful things to her kids (she shouted that loud you could hear word for word what she was saying) banging and slamming doors loud..tv on all night loudly or because of the type of person she is it wouldnt surprise me she put her tv right up to our bedroom wall..drilling before 7am on a daily basis..mowing her lawn before 7am..dragging her wheelie bin down her steps at 6.20 am followed by her gate then her door slamming. We knew she was just trying to get a rise out of us but we carried on ignoring her antics. Even though it was frustrating.

One morning in march i believe it to be the 12th me and my son was getting in my car as we usually would at 6.45 so i could get to work and my son to school. Before i got in the car i but our bin out as it was bin day. The next minute i heard her front door slam so i turned round and saw she was putting her bin out. I was minding my own business when i looked again she was stood at her back gate in her dressing gown with her arms folded just staring at me..i put my window down in my car shrugged my shoulders and asked what was her problem..with that she started screaming and shouting at me in a threatening way so i just put my window back up and drove off..she was obviously looking for an argument but i was not doing this in front of my child (she can scream and shout all she likes in front of her kids but not mine!).

When i got home from work that evening i phoned 101 and reported it to the police..the officer who came to see me previously rang me back and asked me if i wanted him to go and see her to which i said no but please just log it incase anything else happens.

Things on the confrontations side died down again but all the noises from her house didnt but yet again we just ignored her as we couldnt be bothered with her childish ways.

About a month later after the 12th March incident i recieved a phone call from social services..it had been reported to the NSPCC that my son was being battered in our home by me or my partner..obviously i was upset and angry that someone would do this..the social worker arranged to come and see me and my son so she could talk to us the very next day. The social worker was really nice..she spoke to me and my son separately and could see he was far from a battered child..she did then say she needed to speak to his school as thats just something they do. I wasnt worried about this as i know my son is doing very well at school..top groups for all subjects and he is in his school football team. About a week later i got a call from the social worker saying the case was closed and they are happy my son isn't coming to any harm. They said it was obviously malicious as they was a couple of referrals one was the 12th March (coincidence i think not) and another for January where the police were suppose to be involved..police had no record of it and they wouldnt because it never happened..also he was being battered on a daily basis..anyway if another referral goes through the person making the allegations will be investigated. So i hope she does as that might be her downfall!

Last week me and my son was coming home at about 6.30 pm..there was 4 children outside my neighbours house..i know one to be her daughter but was unsure who the others was..before we approached the kids started shouting stuff at us..i mean for god sake they must all be 10 and under..me and my son didnt say a word as we are not lowering ourselves to that level and carried on walking to our front door..as i unlocked the front door i noticed she was stood there arms folded staring i ignored her and carried on going in tp my house where the she shouted 'why you starting on the kids'..i just shut the door and carried on with my business.

The next day i got a knock at the door..it was the police again..sigh..she reported me..i couldnt believe it..me and my son had done and said nothing..she told the police im battering my son so that confirms she is the one who is making the allegations..i always start on her kids..please im a 43 year old woman who doesnt even really shout at my own child..apparently i also follow her daughter and friend on the park and just stand and stare at them..i havent been on a park for years ever since my son was small..its all ridiculous and its really winding me up but there is nothing i can do but sit back and pray that she gets her comeuppance one day.

I feel a little bit better for getting it all out of my head and now im going to start typing as things happen.

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definitelynotaminion · 6 years

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Hey baby, how are you doing? Right now it's October 26th at 4:57 a.m. and I'm in bed next to you. Twice now I've gone over to cuddle you and you let me, wrapped my arm with your hand and just let me stay there with my face in your shoulder, close enough to hear you breathe. I ever tell you that sometimes I try to match my breathing to yours when you're asleep, see if it helps me sleep? But when we sleep our breaths are a lot longer with more space between them, and I would always do it for a few minutes and give up. But for those few minutes it calmed me right down. Kind of a meditation, I guess. I did it for the first time back at our apartment. I did it earlier when I tucked into your side and you met me with open arms despite being asleep. You're so affectionate in your sleep; I love it. (We all know I'm mean af, more likely to punch you in my sleep than be sweet). It's October 26th but it's really October 25th’s night, because I haven't been to sleep. My birthday was yesterday and we had cake. I'm laying in bed next to you thinking that there’s still cake in the fridge; funfetti, my favorite. I might go have a piece. I went to the gym at your urging; back when you were awake, but drowsy from the melatonin, and I was wearing the work out clothes mom got me as a gift, and still had my socks on because I wanted to go the gym, too. We had just gotten back from Whataburger; you missed a meal that day and had 1200 calories to spare (It’s the day I woke up at like 3pm and immediately made chicken teriyaki over rice; you went for a walk and I made my own teriyaki sauce, because the watery stuff in the fridge smelled off and I have standards. It was delicious. It's the day we took my car to Whataburger later, and I mentioned that it was odd I hadn't been to McDonald's on my birthday for once; you countered that you had offered, however jokingly. I kept joking that we should go to KFC because it was only 9:25, and surely KFC was still open, as though you hadn't spent the whole time we lay in bed discussing food looking up the calories for the specific meal you wanted. I had my hair in a ridiculous pebbles-style ponytail on top of my head, that I removed and smoothed out when we got inside. I was wearing a star wars jacket over my track suit hoodie over a tee shirt.) You gave me your drink cup so I could have two drink refills on the way home, and not have to choose. I filled my larger cup with lemonade-- shit, I brought it to bed with me about an hour ago but havent drank any; I just fucking realized lol-- and your smaller one with Dr. Pepper. It's still over there on my desk. You probably knew I wouldn't drink it but knew that the opportunity would make me happy anyway. We chilled in bed and I kept my socks on, for once, because I was determined to go to the gym, and you were determined to encourage me instead of enabling me to stay in bed. You're a lovely person that way. I did go to the gym, by the way, as I'm sure I'll tell you in the morning when you wake up (or at 3 o'clock in the evening, if that's when I wake up, if I fall asleep without meaning to). (You made jokes about the socks, but ten minutes into our blogging and chill, your foot brushed my leg in such a way that the hem of my pants rode up, and you touched bare flesh, and turned into Skeletor “Noooaa! What was that. Unexpected. Forbidden.”) It’s the day after my birthday but it’s also the first day I’m away at basic training, if tungle dot hellfire scheduled the post properly. (I swear to god, if it didnt... esp after all those tests I scheduled before I left.) (You just rolled over in your sleep to face me and your arm is pressed firm and soft to my elbow. For the first few seconds after the roll you snored softly through your nose-- very cute-- but now it's just little inhales and exhales. The forearm to my elbow is a very understated cuddle. I'm love him. You're so used to sleeping with me that you don't react or wake when I press close to you, you just accept it and sometimes nuzzle me. You'll hold my hand if I touch your fingers.) I am the most loved person in all the land, and right now I’m probably trying to remember that, shoved in a room with sixty people and no walls. (I keep remembering that this is public and then I'm like fuck it, a blog’s a blog; all the people here for my writing or the fandom stuff or the memes can deal with the lovey-dovey stuff and the waxing poetic about the minutiae of our lives. You're still tucked into my elbow breathing all cute and I'm still typing on my phone, which is on 26%; I should charge it but the charger sticks out the bottom in a way that makes it hard to rest the phone on my chest. It's a running joke now that I never keep my phone charged; that I only charge it when it's on 5%. Actually, at your urging-- though I laugh when you lean over me and hiss at the percentage, though we joke a lot about it-- I've started being more conscious of it, charging my phone before it needs it. Earlier today (the 25th) I put my phone on the charger when it was at 56%. I don't think I told you, but I know you'd be proud of me. (Earlier today I put my phone on the charger in preparation for going to the gym, and it was at 32%. I laid in bed with you to play on it and when it was at 39% you leaned over, already victorious, and said “oh? Only 39%? Put him on the charger!!!!” The exclamation marks are in italics to mimic the way you tapped it, rapidly, you know the motion. And I told you it was already charging and you were deeply shooketh, like I was an imposter. You squinted and said “well it's so small, how could I possibly see from here” in the Grinch voice, and rolled over dramatically; laughing, I chased you, and we cuddled some more. It was a lovely time.) It is (at the time you're reading this) the Tuesday I’ve officially had a “full day” at basic. I think. I probably had my first plane ride today, though if I've talked to you-- they let us make the “scripted” phone call on the first or second night-- it says “hello, I'm fine, I got here safe, he's a phone number to call in an emergency (red cross? Reddit said) and here's the address you write to”-- I only had like 30 seconds or so on the phone to choke all that out and an “I love you”. I couldn't tell you about my first plane ride. I could not tell you that “it wasn't actually as bad as anticipated, though you know I tear up when I get yelled at, so that's a thing.” According to the internet I probably sounded miserable; not because I was literally miserable but because hearing your voice probably made everything really sink in and i missed you. Also right now typing this i have like. A single manful movie tear rolling down the right cheek. Truly I am getting all up in my feelings-- but you're in an empty bed so you'd know, I guess. On the 26th, not Nov 6th, that is. I have no idea if I'm crying as you read this; but I'm a dramatic hoe so it's possible. I'm probably chanting to myself “It’s fine, it's whatever; play the game, don't stand out, go from meal to meal.” however, I have it from reliable sources (thanks reddit) that by the second or third week the yelling gets less yelling and you have the routine down. Then it's kind of like a hardcore summer camp. As I'm laying in bed it's hard to rationalize that I've only got 10 days with you left. A week and some change. The impulse to savor it is there but, also, I've literally got the rest of my life with you, so. I’m looking forward to the other side of basic, to how you can (apparently) have your dependents moved out to live with you if your stay at tech school will be longer than 6 weeks. And mine will, so. (If you're not in basic and I selfishly hope you're not, yet, you can come out there and I can spend my weekends with you, in our apartment with all of our stuff. I want lots of dice and candles. I want to just lay in bed and chill with you. “Cuddle” I want to cuddle but I keep remembering that this is public on my blog and everyone can see it. I wonder why cuddle sounds so weird when none of the other words do. I wonder how fast the first week will go if I keep focusing on “just wait until the next meal, just wait until the next meal.” I'm planning to go buy a book of stamps and some envelopes in the morning. Apparently one of the only joys of basic is hearing your name at mail call. I want you to write me so much, which is hard for you probably; but I want to hear about every little detail. You should print off the latest chapters of Yesterday Upon the Stair or Ashes of the Past if they update, stick those behind your letters. It would make a good distraction and only be a couple pages long. But how weird would it be that i wouldn't even care about them? Not weird at all. Its true that i would care about your letters more that the fanfic. That I just want to hear that you're safe and happy, that you've eaten-- tell me what you've eaten, tell me the calories, it'll reassure me and fill the pages-- tell me jokes and memes and manga spoilers for BNHA. Pass along news from-- or hell, even tell them my mailing address, it's not like it'll be secret-- the discord (kink thinktank or maybe the secret lounge, you know the one). I'm not picky. It will be neat not to be cut off from everybody, if they decide to write. Except tuva. @uintuva I love you but please god don't write to me, I told them I didn't have any foreign attachments when they asked. If anything, pass along a letter to Sach, or Dallas-- have them print it and send it to me; mention no countries. I'm laughing rn. I'll warn them that you'll post the address. If you post a letter every day, or every other day, even if they're short, I promise I'll appreciate them. They'll be like a lifeline to the outside world. They'll reassure me you're fine and assuage me that stress and worry. Please remember that I love you, even if I didn't get to tell you in the short phone call. I likely called you before the flight there. It hasn't even been a day since you've heard my voice. Hell, I forgot-- you and mom and the kids are coming to see me off. I probably saw you earlier today-- for you. It's still October 26 (25th) for me. You saw me this morning but now you're going to sleep without me; it probably doesn't feel weird unless you focus on it. I could be in the shower, or in the kitchen, or at the gym. I could be at Brittany’s house. It's okay to tell yourself these lies, or to imagine me there-- imagine me at my desk, maybe, since you go to bed so much earlier-- to make yourself feel better, to help you sleep. Or maybe it hadn't hit yet and you're fine-- that's fine too. Or maybe you'll be okay the whole time. You'll miss me, sure. But maybe you'll smile and wish me luck and go to sleep easy, because I'm getting what I wanted, according to plan. I hope you find the happy parts of your days-- laugh at the kids, at David, and Jesse-- and write down jokes to share with me before you forget. Don't feel guilty at all, because I don't want you to be sad. I love you. I'm going to try to be looking forward to stuff/focusing on the nice things-- I just snorted a little thinking of you going “whole bed to myself” in the silly smug voice; I can already tell that one is going to be what I imagine at basic, the one I'll remember and smile about. I hope you check your tag and see this, though I'm sure I'll tell you about it. Aren't I so clever, figuring out how to write you even if they don't let me write you? I also set posts to schedule, funny things I scrolled past. The usual things that fill your tag. This way you know I'm still thinking of you; it's funny because I always tag you in things, right now in October, because I want you to know I'm thinking of you. Because I see funny things and think “Dallas” and I want you to see them. I'm so glad the technology exists for me to make sure your tag has new stuff every night while I'm away. I'm going to spend the next ten days (from Oct 26) writing you letters and reminding you of things. (Earlier I told you that I love you, that I love how we talk to each other, that I love the way you joke and how, specifically, you choose to say things to me; that I love how my face fits into your shoulder or your face, that the terms you choose to use tickle me pink. I laugh all the time with you. I'm happiest right next to you. I want to be with you forever.) Oh and here is a reminder: I'm so proud of you for getting through the day. Goodbyes are hard, even when they're temporary. You're not fat and I love you. You could lose the weight you need to lose this month and I’d be happy for you; you could delete the app and gain twenty pounds and be my handsome military husband, and I’d be ecstatic. I love everything about you (freckles) and you can reread this as many times as you need to in the next few days. (Not that I'm saying you'll need to. You're very self sufficient. But if you do need the words, they're here, and there’s no shame in giving yourself what you need.) Day one is done and now I've got to get through the first week. The second will be easier and then, the third, routine. It'll be okay. Everything will be fine. I love you. I miss you. I'll be back before you know it. Please write. Even if it's just a single page with “the dankest of dank memes” on it in size bazillion handwriting. Even if it's unimportant. Especially if it's unimportant stuff. Go around and ask everyone to say one nice sentence to me. Write down the sentence. Now you've got a letter. Tell me about your thoughts and your day. Tell me (android 16 voice) you saw a bird and it was pretty.

#Dallas

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gotfuckingseven · 7 years

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A New Place to Call Home

Hybrid AU

Namjoon x Reader

Masterlist

You were sleeping so peacefully, when someone nudged your shoulder, startling you awake and away from them on instinct, until you realized it was just Youngjae, who worked at the shelter you lived at.

“Y/n, you have a visitor. He’s asked for someone like you. Would you like to meet him?” His voice was soothing as you nodded your head, hopefully about to meet your newest owner. See, the shelter you were at, was designed for hybrids, like yourself, who had previously been in a bad home. The workers made sure that those who adopted from them wouldn’t mistreat the hybrids.

Youngjae left you alone for a minute, so you could change and prepare yourself for the new person. As a bunny hybrid, you were naturally shy, but even more so after your last owner abused you, physically and mentally. Stepping out of your room, you walked to the cafeteria, where you would meet the guy Youngjae talked about.

Before you saw them however, Jinyoung and Jaebum, the only two cat hybrids of the shelter, stopped you. They stood in front of you.

“So. Youngjae told us he has potentially found you a new owner. Are you gonna be okay? Or do you want us there with you for moral support?” Jaebum asked, making you smile at his over protectiveness.

“No, I think I’ll be fine. If I need anything, I’ll just come running to you two after Youngjae. That’s if something bad happens. But, I’ve gotta go.” You gave them each a quick hug and kiss on the cheek, before they left to the other side of the room.

Youngjae was talking to another guy, presumably the one who wanted to meet you. He was tall, and when he smiled there were dimples, which were cute.

“Ah! Y/n, come here sweetheart.” Youngjae caught sight of you, before ushering you over to him. “Y/n, this is Namjoon. He’s looking to adopt right now. Namjoon, this is Y/n. She tends to get shy with new people.” You had clung to Youngjae while he talked, still hesitant about him. “Oh, and please be careful what you say. And try to not raise your voice if something is wrong. She’s dealt with enough of that for an entire lifetime.”

“Go on.” Youngjae urged you forward and away from him, as he took leave of you two, giving you privacy.

“H-hi.” You gave him a small, shy smile, one which he returned.

“Hi there.” My god, those dimples would be the death of you. The two of you made small talk, you learning all about him as you gave him simple answers. You learned he was a lawyer, and that he went to work at 8 am, and came around 6:30 and 7 pm. He didn’t work weekends, unless it was a big case. He preferred to stay in most nights, and was really clumsy. “I think that’s the most I’ve talked about myself in a very long time.” He says with a laugh, before his face turns serious. “So, how would you like to come and stay with me? A permanent new home? You can come home with e today even, if you’d like.” He was so hopeful, and he seemed pretty nice after all.

You nod your head while saying, “Yes.” A smile spread across your face, once you realized you agreed to a new place to call home. One that would actually be a loving and caring home. He nearly picked you up to spin you around, but decided better of it, before bringing his hands to his mouth, and grinning even harder if that were possible.

He went over to Youngjae, you following behind him, as he told him he wanted to go ahead and sign the adoption papers and to take you home today.

“Awesome. If you’ll just sign right here, I will show you to her room, so she can get her things, and then you are free to take her home.” He was smiley as always, making you feel better about leaving the shelter.

“Namjoon, I could still come back here, right? To see Youngjae and the others?” You really hoped he said yes, you would miss never being able to talk to Youngjae, Jinyoung, or Jaebum again. They became your best friends while you’ve been here.

“Of course we can. What kind of person would I be if I didn’t let you come back to see your friends?” He smiled at you as the two of you followed Youngjae, before lightly ruffling your hair, fingertips grazing your ear, making you shiver.

“Ah, here we are.” Youngjae stopped in front of your room, and you walked in, grabbed the few clothes you had, and gave them to Namjoon.

“Here. This is all I really have here. Oh, and this.” You grabbed your two journals and pens/pencils. But you kept a hold of them. You didn’t want anyone else seeing what you’ve drawn. Clutching them close to your chest, Namjoon held your hand as Youngjae led you and Namjoon outside.

“Well Y/n, I guess this is good-bye. You’ll always have a place here, should you ever need to come back. I’ll miss you short-stack.” He had a sad smile on his face as he ruffled your hair, before lightly rubbing the base of your ears. Your eyes closed as you leaned into his touch. He was the one person, apart from Jinyoung or Jaebum, that you would let touch your ears, as they were very sensitive.

Your eyes opened when he stopped, and you had missed the face of longing Namjoon had, which disappeared the moment your eyes opened.

“Well, let’s head on home. Gotta get you some clothes later today, that way we can relax the rest of the weekend. See ya later, Youngjae.” Though you were saddened as you watched the shelter disappear from your sight, you were excited at the thought of a new home. Namjoon was very gentle as he led the way home, but also letting you look and sniff around at all the new sights. As you turned one last corner, he stopped in front of a very nice building. It was apartments, but they were obviously nice. He put a code in on the keypad, and then there was the audible sound of the door unlocking. He opened the door, and then went to an elevator, quickly pressing the button. Stepping in, you glanced down, and realized he hadn’t stopped holding your hand the entire way there. You grinned to yourself, as movement stopped, the doors opened, revealing a short hallway, where he used his key to open the door to the apartment.

It was beautiful inside. To the left was a kitchen, and straight ahead was a living room. A couch on the wall and one in front of the T.V. that was on the wall. On each side of the T.V., were windows, each with a window seat.

“C'mon. I’ll show you the rest of the place.” He smiled almost shyly as he spoke, before moving down the hallway. Your room was across from his, with a full-size bed, a desk, and another window. Then there was the closet and dresser along the same wall, across from the bed. His was set up similarly, but he didn’t have a window. Then he had a guest room, and the bathroom across from said room. At the end of the hallway was a washer and dryer.

“This is so pretty. Thank you so much.” You turned and gave him a hug, nuzzling your face up into his neck. When you pulled away, his cheeks were bright red.

“It’s nothing much, really.” He mumbled. “So,” he cleared his throat, “would you like to go shop for some clothes now?”

“Sure. But can it wait a bit? I’m a little hungry. I haven’t had lunch yet.” After a delicious lunch, with him tripping and nearly dropping it as well, the two of you went to different stores and bought you some new clothes. All the pants had a hole for your tail, as well as the hats for your ears. By the time you got home, it was time for dinner, and you were flat-out exhausted. Sitting on the couch, you slightly curled up, creating warmth as you waited for Namjoon.

As he called out, he didn’t get a response from you, so he was shocked to find you curled up and asleep on the couch. Smiling softly, he went to you, before picking you up, laughing to himself as you nuzzled into him, before he took you to your room and tucking you in. Taking his phone out, he took a quick picture of you laying there all snuggled up to a pillow, before halfway closing the door and going to bed himself.

Over the course of the next few months, Namjoon had been nothing but kind and caring to you. Always making sure you were okay, and during this time, you were finally comfortable enough with him, that he was shocked the day you brought his hand up to your ears, a silent offer to pet them. Since then, he had taken a lot of opportunities to rub your ears, knowing now that it would help you sleep at night. Along with being cuddled by him. Everything was wonderful. Until this one day…

“Joonie! You’re back!!” You ran up to him, capturing him in a hug. He hadn’t been home much the past few weeks, as he had a very important case to work on. He was gone early in the mornings and gone until late at night.

“Y/n.” He gave you a tight lipped smile, making you tilt your head in confusion.

“Joonie? What’s wrong? Please tell me I didn’t do anything to make you angry with me and that’s the cause for your not being home.” You knew he had to work, but your insecurities came tumbling out, as you let out a squeak, realizing what you just said.

“Y/n, just stop for once, ok? I feel like I’m suffocating with how you’ve been hovering over me. I get it. You’re worried and all. But do you think you could tone it down a bit?”

Lowering your head, you mumbled out, “Ok. Good night Namjoon.” You kept your head low as you walked back to your room. You didn’t have the energy to slam it shut like you wanted to, but you did lock it.

You grabbed your little journal, and made an entry for the night.

*I waited up for Joonie. He hasn’t been home early lately. But I hover over him and suffocate him. Or so he says tonight. So, I guess I’ll stop with waiting up for him. And sleeping with him. Unless he explicitly asks, I just won’t do anything to ‘suffocate’ him. Well, I guess that’s all for now.*

After closing your journal, you climb into bed, hugging your oversized teddy bear close, drifting off to sleep.

—————————————————————

For the next week or so, you stopped randomly cuddling with Namjoon on the couch, instead opting to curl in on yourself with your head resting on the arm rest. You wouldn’t greet him at the door, and you’d begun to hide away in your room. He didn’t particularly seem to care about any of that, so you did it more often than not.

—————————————————-

Namjoon had finally finished the long case he’d been working on for weeks now, and felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders. He couldn’t wait to get home to you and snuggle. He sighed just from imagining it. As he stepped foot into the apartment, he noticed it didn’t seem lively like normal.

“Hey, Bunbun, I’m home!” He called out, hoping to entice you to come running to him like normal. He was met with silence, and that’s when he began to worry. You would always come meet him. He made his way through the apartment, checking each room til he came to yours. There you were, lying there, fast asleep, with Jimin next to you. Jimin was a cat-hybrid that lived across the hallway. Jimin had sat up when he walked in, and when he tried getting closer, he actually hissed at him!

“What’s up with you? I’ve never heard you hiss before.”

“Well I wouldn’t have to if you didn’t make her cry.”

“Woah woah, when did I make her cry? And why?” He was beyond confused, but saddened at the thought of you crying because of him!

“You apparently told her to, and I quote, ‘Tone down the hovering. It feels as though I’m suffocating.’ That is what you told my sweet little bunny. Have you been so busy, that you don’t have time for her? That you don’t even remember what you say to her? You know how sensitive she is. Anything you say, will affect her. Now leave, she needs to sleep right now. She spent the last hour crying to me after I came over when she called me.” Jimin huffed, and cuddled back up to you, making you nuzzle your nose into him, your small little tail wiggling in your sleep. He left the room, shutting the door behind him, and went to sit on the couch, contemplating how this came to be.

——————————————————-

“Hey little bunny. Wake up.” Jimin’s soft voice woke you from a very peaceful nap. Still half-asleep, you clung onto him, mumbling a 'five more minutes’, making him giggle cutely. “No my little bunny. You need to get up. One because I have to go back to my home for dinner, but two because you’ve got a visitor. And he really wants to talk to you. Also, you can literally smell how bad he feels. You should go talk to him.”

“Ugh, alright. But if I really want you to, can you come back over after dinner? If I really wanted you over here for the night?” You stared while pouting lightly, giving him your best puppy dog eyes.

“Fine, yes. But only if you don’t like what he says after all this.” He groaned, with you pumping your fist upwards in victory.

“Yes! But okay. You go on out, tell him I’ll be out shortly, ok?” You gave him one last, long hug, before he disappeared through your open doorway.

————————————————————

“She’ll be down shortly. Don’t go in there. Let her come to you. Also, I might come back over if she really wants me to. I just have to tell Hobi and Yoongi.” His owners were pretty easy going, as they were close friends with Namjoon, so it wouldn’t be a big deal for him to come and spend the night. Used to happen all the time until you got comfortable around him.

Ugh, why did he have to be such an idiot and say those things. If only-

“Hey.” You had finally come out after some contemplation.

“Bunbun, hey. I need to apologize to you.” He grabbed your hand, guiding you to sit down beside him.

“Listen. I am so sorry to you Bunbun. I had been so stressed out, work was hectic. And I know that’s no excuse for what I said to you. But it started a chain reaction. I wanted to work as much as possible to get out from under all of it, to try and do it fast. Since I brought my work home with me, I never really had a break. I am so sorry for how I treated you. Will you ever forgive me?” He pleaded, and you stared at him.

“Okay.” You finally muttered after some time. His face lit up it was almost blinding.

“Okay? So all is forgiven?”

“Yes.” All it took was that one word confirmation for him to hug you, one hand resting at the back of your head, the other on your back. You felt him hold back on rubbing your ears, and you grabbed his hand and brought it to your ear, a silent offering he happily took. You were then practically purring, content to finally have things back to normal. Or, as normal as it could be with the both of you.

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thedappleddragon · 3 years

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ugh im big stupid and haven't been posting my shit here for a while. I've still been typing it out in my notes, I just havent transferred them onto here lol. im putting it all under the cut, don't worry

Today was pretty dang nice! I spent a little time outside because it was nice and warm out, I drew a little in my sketchbook and digitally rendered a picture of Anna’s new princess outfit, ran an errand with my mom to pick up a graphing calculator and a pack of soda, ate some Wendy’s, and did a lot of sewing for my dress! I joined the bodice lining and exterior, and did a little over half of the sewing for the skirt. I’m doing French seams so there’s no raw edges on the inside, so I still have to iron it and go over the second round of stitches. My machine malfunctioned for a moment with the thread tangling up in the lower bobbin thingy, so I left it alone for like an hour and it fixed itself lol. I’m very happy with how the bodice came out after clipping all the extra fabric in the corners and test fitting it. I think it’ll be great when it’s done!! Although I may or may not need to seam rip a little bit of the skirt to extend the zipper down so I can get it over my fuckin DUMPTRUCK when putting it on. Right now there’s enough stretch to put it on, but Idk how well that’ll stay after attaching the 2 pieces. Also it might end up making me look fat/preggo in the end with how the skirt lays lmao. I also did a really quick test fit with the sleeves, and I might actually like it better sleeveless? I’ll put one on anyway and go from there to see which I like better. HOORAY this dress has pockets!! But I may have put them a little low lol. I wanted to do a big dress debut at prom, but turns out graduates aren’t allowed due to covid restrictions :( so that really sucks. But we’re still gonna hang out a little bit beforehand, and I can still do a debut. I made a little bow out of some scrap dress fabric, which I want to put in my hair for pre-prom. I think I’ll braid my hair, maybe get some fake flowers from dollar tree and ribbon to add somehow, and put the ribbon either at the bottom or the top, wherever the hair tie eventually goes. I’m so exited to work on it more. I’m kinda running out of white thread tho so I’ll have to get more. Later in the evening i got hungry and made ramen while my dad and I watched a documentary on some of the horrible shit that went on all around the world during 2020, some of which I had forgotten about, some that was really surreal and out of a dystopian movie, and some stuff that was just upsetting to watch. It was still pretty good tho. I got work tomorrow and I’m really sleepy even tho it’s only 12:30 so I think I’m gonna grab a snack and go to sleep soon. Gnight mwah

Yesterday I worked and sewed until I ran out of thread and drew a little bit. Spent most of my shift watering flowers, then I went home and ate for a moment, then watered more and picked dead flowers and talked about avatar and other animated shows with the highschool girl I work with. Came home and hung out for a while, that evening made some good pasta.

Today I justly hung out, then went with mom to pick up a bookshelf and went through strawtown which I thought was a very funny name for a town. There was a cute antique shop in there tho. On the way back we stopped in a sewing shop called Always in stitches. I expected it to be a very small shop, but it was SO much bigger than I thought it would be. They had tons of fabric and quilting supplies, and lots of old ladies working and talking. I picked up a cone of white thread and a fabric sample pack. Then I sewed my dress a little bit. I still have lots to do, and only like 2.5 days to do it. I’ll get there tho. All I have to do is add the skirt hem, add the pockets back in (I took them out so I could see them in normally), add sleeves and hem them, and add the zipper. And attach the skirt to the bodice. I think I’ll be able to do it. I had yogurt for the first time in forever today. Tbh I used just enough to hold together the strawberry and granola bits kgelgskgs. It was pretty good tho. I drew ELEVEN pages in my sketchbook, about 8 of them being a comic about the pony au of our royalty au. I could have done the comic with human characters but ponies are so much easier to draw aggsssdh. I spent 40 minutes typing out the dialogue and editing it on top of the rest of the comic so my friend could read it, but she still hasn’t read my text :( oh well that’s fine lol. The original plot was supposed to be Sam talking to an accidental illusion of me being mean about her blight, but then I accidentally made it something different. I might just draw the alternate ending instead. Update I just did

Yesterday I sewed and went to Menards to buy tile for moms bathroom.

Today was VERY productive, I feel like. I woke up and immediately took a shower and did laundry. I spent some one just sitting on my bed scrolling and researching while listening to medieval remixes of songs lol. At some point I went out to buy subway for everyone and stopped at dollar tree for nail polish and satin ribbon. I made the ribbon into a little choker and wanted to use it for the hem of the skirt, but I was too short. In total I spent HOURS hemming and pinning and seam ripping and ironing and sewing today, but it’s still not done. I gotta kick my ass into high gear if it’s gone be done by Sunday afternoon. I started sewing the bottom hem, but my machine has been doing this weird thing where the fabric scrunches up right past the sewing foot and leaves wrinkles and gathers so loose I can move it around with my hands easily. I think it’s just my tension being too tight or something, I adjusted it a bit and I’ll test it in the morning. I’m too tired and it’s too late at night to be doing that much sewing. I seam ripped the entire back skirt seam so I could extend the zipper a little further down, and I’ll sew it back up once the hem is done. After that all I need to donis connect the skirt to the bocice, fix the zipper, and hem the arm holes. I don’t want to use the sleeves I made because the edges don’t line up at all and I don’t think I would be able to lift my arms, the way it’s built. The nail polish I picked up works way better than I thought it would, leaving a pretty good metallic sheen after just one coat. Way better than I thought for a dollar. I helped mom lay down tile a little bit, ripping up one old tile and helping a bit at a time throughout the day. I kept asking if she wanted help with the actual tiling part but she said no. We also couldn’t get the fuckin box cutter I bought to work. It’s supposed to be easy to replace the blade, but we couldn’t figure it out lol. I’m falling asleep fun. Washed my face twice, trying to take good care of myself before prom so I look good in photos. Gotta wash hair tomorrow. Made hamburger meat

Spent all day sewing and listening to bardcore remixes. Dress is as done as I bother to make it rn

Tbh I was hoping for a little more for today. I’ve spent the last like week or longer working towards this, and going especially in depth the past 3 days. I got all silky smooth, worked for hours on my dress, thought about pretty much nothing except prom day. I was late because my dad had my neighbor come over to take pictures of me in my dress. I thought it was just going to be her holding my dad’s phone to get a picture of us together, but she brought her whole ass professional camera and spent several minutes taking pictures. Then I took the weirdest way possible to get to my friend’s house on accident because google maps said it was the fastest way to get there. But HEY when I did get there I enjoyed hanging out with my friends. We ate some dinner AND??? Sammie I’m sorry if you’re reading this but THE MASHED POTATOES?? WERE S O BLAND????? AFAJSTSTHJST ily but girl. Just a little salt could have gone a long way <3 the steak and especially the green bean casserole were good tho :) dinner was good with the sparkling juice and little desert. Overall everything was just very loud, but that’s to be expected when this is everyone’s first time seeing each other in a goddamn while: actually I think they’ve all seen each other at school without me but hey whatever. I think I fucked up my phone screen on accident by sitting on it while it was in my pocket with my keys, leaving a spiderweb crack in it. I checked and yeah it’s not just the screen protector :( eh I don’t care that much, It didn’t fuck up the lcd screen or anything. We went up to Sam’s room and hung out and talked while she did Liz’s makeup and took pictures, and I borrowed a little of her concealer before photos. There was a little photo shoot in their front yard, and looking at the photos I look a little fat in them but I LOVE all the photos taken in Sam’s room where we were all just hanging out. Idk why but whenever you have to do photos and they say to do a silly one, it never turns out good, but the fun ones you casually take always turn out way better. They’re more genuine :) but then it was time for everyone to go to prom and for me to go home 😔 we only hung out for like an hour and a half. I didn’t want to take off my dress, seeing as I put in so much effort to sew the whole dress and shave and look pretty, so I wore it around the house for a bit until I got tired and went to lay in bed. I watched the mitchels vs the machines, which is a fuckin DELIGHTFUL movie!! Everybody go watch it it’s so cute <3 I also played some Pokémon and watched a little YouTube in bed, but feeling unfulfilled and wanting to do something different, I just didn’t know what. So instead I started typing this up as my sister brought me a cupcake from prom :) I had a bite and put the rest in the fridge, since it was so big and in a plastic container. I texted a friend over Snapchat asking if they had fun at prom, and they said it was kinda ass. I tried relating and saying yeah all school dances are a little ass, and my friend group once had anti prom and played dnd instead, but they just said ‘that’s nice’ back and idk if that means they’re annoyed at me or they’re just tired and didn’t wanna text or what but :( idk. Either way it’s fine, right now all I care about is going to bed. Gnight I guess. Also I keep thinking about that textpost that’s like “diary of icarly” and she talks in these simple-ass sentences and now I feel self conscious about how I write these snafnfs. I already know I write like a child in these, but that’s just because I don’t wanna go through the effort of making this sound nice and professional every day lmao. So child writing it is. Also painted my nails really horribly and it took forever to clean up which made me late

Woke up, went to work, spent a little time stocking, watered indoor plants, then attempting to work the register, and organized plants the rest of the time. I stood behind one of my coworkers as she checked people out, kind of understanding what she was doing but not that much, and read the manual in down periods. She had me check out a couple people, and it was NERVE WRACKING AS HELL. Thankfully everyone was very nice, and my coworker stood by and helped, and right as I was getting my foothold, my boss called for me to work outside and bring in the new shipment of plants. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT WAS REALLY NICE?? I was actually able to help some people today!! :D I’m slowly getting better at my job which is nice :) originally I was only gonna work 4 hours, but there were more plants to get and I felt like I could keep going, so I ended up working 6 instead. Every time I come home from the end of my shift I feel bad for not working more and like I should have stayed longer. Tbh I think I could do it if I had a proper break! I’ve been doing 4 hour shifts with maybe a water break in the middle because i don’t know how to ask to go on break ;-; Ike my secondary boss in the garden center is super nice and approachable and friendly but the main boss is like. Terrifying. I never know when he’s joking or being serious and I don’t understand him and assffsfamms it SUCKS. But whatever, I went home and ate some Mac n cheese and laid in bed because my back hurt and played on my ds for the rest of the night. I tried a couple new games, none of which I spent very long on. I tried okami den where you’re the wolf puppy child of the precious games protagonist I think, and idk maybe I’ll give it a better try in the future, but I wasn’t feelin it. I spent like 30 minutes on a pro bass fishing simulator and couldn’t clear the first level because the fish wouldn’t get close enough to my boat lmao. Sonic and Mario at the Olympic Games was fun until I lost at table tennis to Mario. I’d play it again. But I have work again tomorrow so I gotta go to bed good night. Having to blast my fan and play drawfee on my phone to drown out moms tv again >:(

Ate a pbj for breakfast? Went to work, moved plants around, took my lunch break, went to subway with an expired coupon, ate at home and times it perfectly so I could watch one section of the new drawfee episode, went back to work, made myself sad thinking about the god girl homunculus from fullmetal alchemist, picked dead flowers off the petunias, left a little early, hung out at home, left to go get mom’s medicine, found my dad at the store, followed him around and shopped for a bit, can home to unload everything, talked with him about buying one of the cars from him so it would be under mom’s insurance after the divorce, talked about being able to hang out at dads apparent after we help him move, ate some of the stuff we bought, and now I’m hanging out in bed again. I picked up my Pokémon black save and played a while today which was nice. I think I’m gonna work more in the next few days, be really busy with shit for like a week, and finally have a breather after the 15th. I really need to switch brain gears back into college stuff soon so I can sign up for orientation and figure out finances and shit, but for now it’s midnight and I don’t have to think about it lol

Today was pretty good, but also pretty boring. I played Pokémon all day since I didn’t have work, cooked some hamburger meat, and went on an errand for mom but got the wrong thing so I went out later to buy the right thing. I got spicy chicharrones instead of regular ones oops. On my drive back from getting the right thing, I rolled all my windows down and loved the feeling of driving around right after sunset when the weather was nice but cool, especially after standing in mom’s loud-ass room trying to ask about her bank card. I thought about going back out to aimlessly drive around the park and back, but instead hung out in my kitchen as my cat fell asleep on my lap. I think I’m gonna get paid tomorrow, so that’s exciting :D I probably made a solid couple hundred dollars if I had to guess. Idk what I’m getting paid per hour, but it’s probably ~$10 and I COULD go through my texts again to see how much I’ve worked, but I don’t really wanna lmao. I should just start putting that in my notes app instead...

Just had probably the most involved, longest dream ever?? It was a mix of infinity train and dangenrompa, we were mostly stuck inside my house, one boy left for years to search for supplies, I tried biking along a tail that disappeared into tree roots and a ditch with grass, cried because we had been in the same car for so long I was afraid they were gonna make us kill someone to get past, and at the end we escaped or something and had to fuck up security cameras and get past loopholes and lots of cereal boxes were involved? Idk there’s just so much I don’t remember. I wasn't sure if I had to go to work today, so I sent my boss a text and just kinda hung out. was making hamburger meat for my mom when my boss called asking me to come in, so I took a shower and worked from 1-5. spent some time at the register, and got way better at checking stuff out :) I learned a couple things, and there was one old lady in particular who was very patient and nice to me while my coworker went to go find a smaller bag of birdseed. when it stopped being busy inside, I went ut to the garden center to help price plants and spent the rest of my shift out there. I got paid too! $9 an hour, 22 hours, $200 in total. hell yeah. not bad, although I literally have no frame of reference on if this Is good or not. after work I went home for a second, then got Hardee’s (or carls jr in the western states). I used a coupon for chicken tenders for me and my sister :) and while I was driving around today, I found myself wishing that everything in life could be as smooth and easy as driving my car through my neighborhood. and then I kinda laughed thinking about how I cried my first time driving on a major road asdjfasjdhf. but seriously I love driving my dad’s silver Volvo!! its so comfy with 4 wheel drive and good petal control, its like always driving on freshly paved roads <3 unfortunately that's the car my dad is taking when he moves into his apartment to use as his full time car instead of his shit-ass blue Volvo, and we’re gonna be stuck with the red Volvo with a really touchy gas pedal and slow break pedal. (idk if you've noticed but we really love old Volvos in this family. they’re all old and boxy as hell and I love em <3 ) then I played Pokemon black and beat the elite 4 and champion in one try with a lot of revives lmao. I was kinda underleveled, right at 48-50 range, same as them. I was angry about stuff and in pain earlier in the shower as I washed my hair, but I dont remember exactly what it was. now I have my soft Spotify playlist going so I can maybe go to sleep soon. oh wait I remember being angry that all I could thin about all day was work, even tho it only takes up a few hours of my day, and then I do nothing all day afterwards. idk it’s just weird.

#thanks for coming to my ted talk #April 2021 daily #may 2021 daily #2021 daily

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