#i havent been part of “fandom stuff” for years so idk if this is like

[wompty-domptydom]

there's so much discourse about disco elysium on my dashboard that im not even sure disco elysium fans like disco elysium

i dont understand why this fandom is like cannibalizing itself

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for asking out my manager?

Hi there. Trust me this is a WIBTA and not just dating advice.

So I (35F) am basically working at my dream workplace. I cant say what exactly, because I know people follow this account there, but suffice to say its in a desirable industry with a lot of passionate folks, and while its a big (~150 people) place, there's an atmosphere of kindness and joy I've never seen anywhere else. I know a lot of you probably hate me for this, but I am truly aware how rare a workplace this is, and I am grateful. I dont take it for granted. Sometimes the work itself truly sucks, and the pay is outright atrocious, but when your coworkers have your back, it makes all the difference. They accept me even tho I'm trans, and when I've been sick or injured they make sure I'm taken care of. I feel like they are a family of sorts, and I've been working there for over a year now.

Anyways, this wonderful place is held up by a lot of wonderful people, but one in particular is my manager (30F). When I first got hired, I noticed she was cute, but more importantly she was welcoming and accepting. I set aside those feelings, of course, because its a workplace, but they havent gone away.

But lately, this all started to change. We now spend a lot of talking! We have lots of common interests, and there have been nights when both of us will stay for HOURS while the other works, just to chat about whatever! We even text a bit, even about not-work things. Sharing fandom stuff, whatever. The more and more we talked, the more I fell for her. I could hear her go on for days, even if its something I dont care about. Hell, she could read the dictionary and I'd be sitting there grinning because I get to hear her talk. I've got it bad! And then, a few weeks ago, she even brings up how she's given up on dating...but before I could ask more or say anything really, a coworker interrupted and the moment passed.

And here I am, weeks later, smitten like crazy. And I'd say "oh she obviously likes me, she sticks around for you, shares stuff with you" but she's like this with everyone. She's a bit airheaded honestly about it, I mostly find it endearing, but she could absolutely just be doing it because she talks like that to everyone. She's bisexual, and very pro-trans, so I dont think that would be an issue in any way.

But here's where the WIBTA part comes: I have told a couple other coworkers, and they brought up not only that its a dangerous move to date a manager, but also that it could hurt the workplace itself. I mean, this is a place where so many people get to have a joyful opportunity at life, and as I've said this is tremendously rare...what if I take up too much of this manager's time, and she cant be there for other workers? What if this manager gets fired for dating an underling, and gets replaced by someone awful? There's a whole lot of what-if's floating through my mind.

And then I start thinking, if I ask her out, wouldnt that be putting her in an awkward position? I mean if she doesnt like me, and has to turn me down, she still has to work with me, and I her. I can compartmentalize that, but...she might have more trouble. Is it selfish of me to even try, when I could just let well enough be? And on top of that, what did she mean by "giving up on dating"? It didnt sound like she was aromantic, just that she decided it wont happen, but maybe its just going to be a problem if I ask her out. It feels like the stakes of even asking her out are so high. So I keep chatting with her in hopes that I'll catch a lead, but...idk.

Anyways, I am primarily concerned with if it would be a dick move to anyone in my workplace, especially her, but genuinely I am just lost here. I've never dated anyone at a workplace, but like. The dating apps suck, and I dont think I've ever felt this way about anyone before. I've even thought about quitting or finding another workplace to make it an easier decision, but I feel like thats even worse; like it would put pressure on her to date me because I quit for her or something. So how about it? Should I keep my mouth shut, or is love truly worth all risks?

What are these acronyms?

[meruz]

another ask post

i mean i also read it because a friend whos rly into queer SFF fiction circles recced it but she did kinda lead with "the writer used to write hs fanfic...tasmyn..taz...?" to which i replied

of COURSE I read the locked tomb because i heard taz had written a book. of course. ill consume most any media made by a beloved homestuck bnf. thats also why i played undertale. and read like..snotgirl. and idk... watched the new dub of neon genesis evangelion.

if u made homestuck fanwork 10 years ago and havent even made it since chances are I still remember and I love you for it.

sdlkfhsg its funny you sensed that because that drawing did in fact start kinda more........ well, I'd be lying if I said my hands never wrought a drawing toeing over the pg-13 line LOL...

NOT to say i have a secret stash of porn or anything. in general im more interested in the implication of sexuality or mature themes over any explicit depiction. like everything i draw is so softcore itd almost feel silly to make a nsfw acc for anything.

but im not rly jumping to post anything on main either bc i get the sense i have a lot of kids in my social media following. it varies from site to site and fandom to fandom but the themes in my work often circle around childhood, coming of age etc and in general i like stories about kids so the fandoms i draw for have a lot of kids in them. even stuff like IT (stephen king) which is about kids but isn't necessarily for kids.. there were a lot of kids in that fandom lol.

actually thats why ive been censoring swears in comics lately because the tmnt fandom comes across to me as a little young...IDK I've had MULTIPLE people ask me what "sodomize" means because of the joke in this post and I'm like... I Cannot be the one to explain this to you. you have to look it up on your own klfsdhsdg like i wouldn't be doing this if i were doing a comic for mgs or even homestuck wherein the characters textually swear constantly LOL but sometimes u gotta change tacks depending on the faces u see in the crowd yknow.

i HAVE been thinking abt drawing nsfw of sunspot/richard rider/kobak from x-men red just because that comic seemed to be really asking for it. who knows.. if the need rly arises maybe my separate account policy will change.

its rly more a matter of the fact that i havent read/watched much of any other iterations... im sure id like most lol. I like most things related to my interests regardless of quality. i rly like the marvel ultimate alliance games for instance. sometimes seeing my fave guy is enough he doesnt have to be well written LOL. i dont exactly have a wealth of free time tho thats the real impediment.

i did watch the 2007 movie on new years eve and found it quite charming overall. and i have read about 30-40 issues between the mirage and idw comics. still feels like im barely scratching the surface but i liked em. i rly want to read all the sophie campbell stuff bc i think her work is interesting. jason aaron will be a mixed bag i think lmao. i say as the worlds biggest Wolverine and the X-Men (2011) fan.

hmm this is kinda hard bc i feel like i naturally draw very loose and the hard part for me is tightening it up. maybe some suggestions tho...

1) hand excercises. i think its easy to forget this when many artists sit in front of the computer all day but drawing is a physical activity u do with ur actual...bodys...muscles lol. if u feel urself tightening up it might help to strech (any google search for "artist hand excercises" should yield good results) or do a page of loose practice strokes like..big circles. long lines. scribbles. that kinda thing. whatever feels good for ur hand. this is also just good to do as a general warm up before u sit down for any drawing sesh.

2) draw further away from the canvas. as a general rule...when ur painting traditionally you do the big strokes with your whole arm outstreched and a long handled brush. and when you do the details its smaller wrist movements and a shorter handled brush. so it might help to take a step back or push back from ur chair a little.. or hold ur tablet a little further away. and hold your pen further away from the nib.

3) change mediums / brush types. some brushes and mediums are more suited to loose sketching and some more inclined towards detail work. so changing ur tool could help. also! i personally have this problem where sometimes if im using a brush i feel really familiar with the pressure to make a "good" "finished" "perfect" drawing is greater... if i want to force myself to loosen up ill switch to a tool i dont use as often so it feels like the pressure is off. a lot of times for me this is switching from digital to traditional. but sometimes its switching from a small pen to a big marker. or a smooth pen to a textured one. or a nice brush to a shitty dried up marker.

but also every body is different so i dont think these tips will work for everyone. u should listen to what ur body and mind tell u and how drawing feels to you

bro just sign up and set it up i dont think theres much to it... i dont rly think too much abt my itch.io store because its digital goods so u just upload the file and let it do its thing. no distribution work needed on ur part. youll notice i barely even advertise my itch unless i have smth new on there lol.. its easy. but good luck!!!

idk if im the best person to ask this im more a comic fan than i am a comic professional... a comic hobbist.

well. scott mcclouds understanding comics and making comics are good books on the craft. i think i had to buy them for a class in art school once.

other than that idk just keep at it. comics are really laborious i think for a lot of people the hardest part is sitting down and doing it.

i think a lot of people have a very instinctive understanding of how to read comics and what they look like so whatever you think seems like good way to tell the story you have in mind, its probably right. if u get stuck, study comics that have done something similar. most people in comics are relatively self taught and actually it can be problematic bc you can tell when a lot of comic artists are all copying the same like 5 old white guys LMAO. but on the flip side if you make sure to reference and study broadly your comics will almost assuredly feel unique.

sorry im responding to this anyways. this is just a really nice ask. i like when people reference my older work bc i feel like sometimes theyre subtly implying it wasnt very good LMAOOO. but its true! at least compared to the work i make now ^^ and the fact that im still making art is whats keeping me from being embarassed abt how much of my old art just floats around online lmao im never ashamed to be growing and learning. isnt that a nice thought <3

[jakowskis]

Day 13 - Favorite ship(s)? Any Torchwood OTPs? Go ahead, gush about them!

dude i multiship so hard in this fandom i dont think there’s a single combination i havent thought of + found a way to enjoy, and that extends to trios. AND i like tw poly. i am mashing them together like barbie dolls. i am having sm fun here in my room

even the ones i don’t exactly “like” still make me Feel Things (more on that later), and even the ones i tend to prefer as friends (more on that later, too), i can still see it if i want to yknow. that’s what’s fun about the slutty bisexy show! woo! they all compel me. 

nonetheless, here are the pairings i like the most, ranked by how often i think of them + how insane they make me. im not gonna gush a ton, actually, bc i get annoyed w how much i talk, so ill keep every explanation under 15 words

owen x ianto: I Want Them Covered in Blood Together (Gnashing My Teeth) (by fall out boy)

owen x andy: golden retriever boyfriend for owen bc sometimes it’s nice to not be angsty (gooseberry who?)

owen x jack: i dont know how they make me feel but they make me feel Something :/

ianto x tosh: THEY’D BE SO CUTE they’d be precious that’s all

tosh x andy: see above. tosh deserves a sweet bf (there are no girls to ship her with 😔)

owen x suzie: they’re mirrors, they’re the same… they intrigue me. also Hawt xD (im bi)

owen x gwen: better as besties imho but im still a bi moron who’s not immune

jack x ianto: overrated imho BUT i do still like them. sigh. dead line speech wahhh

gwen x rhys: i love their relationship troubles n the way it grounds the show. theyre cute

jack x the doctor: sending jack off to harass the doctor so the team can Rest (+ Im Compelled)

jack x gwen: they compel me a little. a teeny bit. not too much but a little

(can u tell i like owen ships. he just has such fascinating relationships w everyone)

ok i lied ill say a couple things. firstly my otp being owento… i’ve talked a bit about it but in brief it started out because i can't resist having at least one enemies/rivals to lovers ship per fandom and ep12 blew my mind a little - and then something just Clicked and they somehow achieved top ten ships of all time status in my brain?? idk what happened there. i usually go for canon-based ships, so having one that kind of lacks substance in the source media (allegedly; i think they’re fruity in canon. but u know what i mean like theyre not ‘canon’ in a show where there is in fact gay TEXT rather than just the subtextual shit theyre doing yanno) and is largely a beast of my own creation (+ the influence of the wonderful handful of fic writers we’ve had over the years) has been rlly fun. 

im largely preoccupied with those two, but i’ve found jack + his relationship with ianto kind of inherently haunts owen x ianto… if you’ve read my fic you know what i mean by that. i can’t see owento existing on its own, like janto fundamentally co-exists next to it so i have to take it into account, and then jack and owen also have a fascinating relationship so i’ve kind of just ended up spending a lot of time thinking about and figuring out owen x ianto x jack in all combinations, because there’s a lot of fascinating stuff going on there from every end. introducing owen to the equation also kind of… ig redeems janto for me, bc i found them offensively underwhelming in s1 and s2. they should be dark and fucked up, and they’re not. owen kind of… brings smth dark and fucked up to the table, and a lot of why i like shipping him with ianto is bc they bring shit out of each other - and owen, for his part, is capable of bringing out ianto’s repressed rage and forcing him to deal with things he’d rather try to compartmentalize and ignore… i find that super compelling, and i also find it useful for breaking down my issues with how jack & ianto’s relationship is initially presented. like, he’s a handy narrative tool for that hfsdjkf. point is, whether i like it or not, jack and his relationships with my girlies (owen n ianto are the girlies <3) is kind of also an intrinsic part of what most of my fixation-oriented brain power goes into thinking about. i’ve been developing this huge fic ‘verse fdhfjk.... Im Very Tired

sometimes i like fun, though, which is what’s behind a lot of those other ships. i’m generally into very dark + angsty + psychological themes, but sometimes fluff and domesticity and occasional silliness is nice, and that’s what’s behind owandy (i have an au where they meet before owen dies) and iantosh (+ gwen x rhys) as my sort of… alternative endgame. my comfort ‘au’. not an au, exactly, but an alternative fluffier world to the darker owento-based one i’ve crafted and spend most of my time thinking about fdshkfj. i also like sending jack off to go bother the doctor, in this ‘au’, because unfortunately i don’t think he’s conductive to the team’s happiness. i think he needs to find his own way to heal and that should probs include the doctor, considering how obsessed jack is with them + how much he needs to unpack All That Shit he has going on before he can be any sort of truly positive force in the lives of the tw team. so for now he’s banned from the polycule for jack crimes. listen, i love that torchwood’s inherently sad and dark and lonely, it’s what compels me, and i’m ultimately glad that’s the core of the show - but it doesn’t have to be. sometimes i enjoy a nicer alternative. i think they could fix it. and that’s what fandom + fanfic is for. 

i also have several ot3s i enjoy, mostly owen ones. i think he deserves a bf + a gf, i think it’d fix him. put that bitch in a bisexual sandwich and maybe he'd behave. in particular, i love owen x tosh x ianto, it’s the only place i ship owen/tosh bc i think ianto would keep owen in check and they’d all better each other. i love owen x tosh x andy for similar reasons. can you tell the four characters im biased towards fhdskj. (i love gwen just as much but she’s kind of doing her own thing with just rhys and jack imo fdkfjsd. perhaps torchwood is composed of two polycules and jack is the link between both of them)

[cubedmango]

hi!! i just wanted to let you know that i started reading cherry magic in july last year after seeing the anime announced on toyota-sensei's twitter! i couldn't even rlly translate the announcement myself without the help of google translate LMAO but her illustration of them looked so sweet i had to snoop around. more than half a year later. i am no longer normal and my brain is fully rotted over and i think of those two nearly every waking moment!! your art, along with so many others feeds me and your translations are So Appreciated thank you for doing gods work. i usually don't get super involved in fandom or w/e other than consuming fanart or fics so the fact i find myself actually drawing them is so new to me...idk cherry magic really is so refreshing and it's just nice as an adult to see a mature relationship between two working adults. there are callbacks to childhood or childlike behaviors or interests sprinkled throughout the manga's dialogue and i always appreciated how they weren't seen as embarrassing or immature to embrace or learn from as an adult, but encouraged or seen as a valuable part of balancing work, life, and love. idk it's def one of the more subtle and less expanded upon parts of it but i love how adachi's and kurosawa's love of manga, though seen as a children's activity (from how kurosawa thought people saw it) was actually one of their first mutual hobbies. it's also interesting to see how many things about kurosawa's psyche are remnants of ideas probably for a lack of better wording, were taught to him from an early age. his self-image, how he tries to uphold certain societal standards, etc etc. im glad he found refuge in adachi that way. im sorry for rambling for so long but i've just been thinking about these two so much ldks

anon pls u never have to apologize for rambling abt my fav guys of all time, u should actually talk w me about them more i want to hear ur thoughts !! the eng speaking fandom isnt that big (or at least i dont get to interact w a lot of ppl personally) but its fun making art and doing the translations for my blorbos so im happy other ppl enjoy it too 🥺

and yess everything u said abt the childlike/immature stuff krdc enjoy like the fact that their interest in manga and stuff is never made fun of or anything (which would be ironic anyway since theyre In a manga themselves fdkjskf) but actually one of the things that gets them closer is So good augh?? (also spoilers for the radio drama if u havent seen it yet, but to me one of the best changes they made was changing the port scenes setting to an anime con instead like Yeah!! theyre little nerd guys of course theyd attend a con!!!! that plus how they both like watching animated movies and playing games too like its a very specific thing to Me but that relatability w stuff i do myself makes them both feel a lot more human? if that makes sense)

also w kurosawas whole deal its Definitely a longterm thing hes had for a while, and in canon its mostly been his friendships/relationships that affected him (probs the most clear in ch45 my beloved) but from the way the meeting w his parents went theres for sure a lot of parental/family pressure involved too?? this is going into hc territory but i have like a whole Thing brewing in my head about kurosawas and maris relations w their parents and how that affected their self image and all growing up too and i rlly wanna make stuff for it someday (idk if anyone would be interested but id probably do it regardless so fkdjksjfk)

[mothmage]

20 Qs for fic writers

Tagged by @monstersinthecosmos , thank you!!!

1. How many works do you have on A03? 31 (and a few anon, i think 2 or 3. idk, when i post a fic on anon i forget about it forever)

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 446,135

3. What fandoms do you write for? currently/primarily vc, iwtv (amc), star wars, and merlin (bbc)!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? A Lovely Little Normal Life (which, honestly, kind of annoys me lol. i know it's just bc it's a huge fandom, but really? the stupid little 12k harry potter fic i wrote in two days is my most kudos? please...); Arthur Pendragon, Long May She Reign (forever pushing my lesbian genderswap agenda); The Face of God (les mis slightly canon divergent javert character study); The Odyssey of Recollection (amc iwtv s1 pov armand); Away From Stranger Tides (potc philip/syrena fic i started ages ago and never finished, lol)

5. Do you respond to comments? yes i love talking to people in comments!!!! i've made a lot of friends through comments!!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? omg. umm. merthur fans don't know this yet bc i havent finished posting but it's arthur pendragon long may she reign (BUT it's part of a series, so it's literally fine). idk, i dont tend to write long fics that end angsty. but my angstiest fic in general is probably Hollow-Boned Boy (armand contemplating his human life in the early CoD era) or Vision of the Damned (daniel's turning from armand's pov)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? i love a happy ending!! my series Odysseus in White Silk is probably the happiest ending, and in such an undeserved way hahaha it's so very AU because i was sad after s1 of the show and just wanted them all (and armandaniel) to live happily ever after

8. Do you get hate on fics? i dont think i ever have, but i tend to read comments in good faith too, so maybe someone out there is annoyed that i interpreted their vague dislike comment as a genuine comment or something, idk. in general though, i'll say no

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? yes but i dont post that often, idk if there's a particular kind, but generally it tends to be a little rougher than is probably appropriate without discussion in real-life situations, but also very...idk my friend described it as very tender, like theyre very clearly in love. which is so funny considering that that kind of tenderness irl gives me fucking hives lmfao

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? oh wow, not in a long time. i do have a wip sitting around rn that's a crossover between london spy and cloud atlas, which is really crazy until you remember that ben whishaw is in both london spy and the cloud atlas movie lol. and cloud atlas is already about weird reincarnations and parallel worlds and stuff, so it isnt too out-there.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? i dont think so!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? yes!! The Face of God was translated into Korean by ao3 user Crescent919 !! i've had a few comments on other fics asking to translate for personal use (always yes, of course), but no one else has asked to share a translation publicly

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? no!! i've been thinking about it lately though

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? all-time? probably merlin/arthur from merlin (bbc). it's the whole fate-destiny-choice thing, it just compels me like nothing else

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? hmmm, i would like to finish Roswell -- well, kinda (agent carter farm girl / alien crash landing au) because i still have all the original notes and outlines and stuff. i also made a shitty conlang when i was first writing it, which is crazy lol. but it would need some pretty serious revisions, and i would definitely rewrite the first few chapters that i posted years ago. i just kind of lost the agent carter bug, but i might return to that fic if i ever get in the mood for it again.

16. What are your writing strengths? ooh, i'm not really sure! i get a lot of comments mentioning characters' voices and/or personalities, so i would say maybe that!!! i also feel that i'm fairly good at mimicking an author's writing style when i want to (notably, i do not mimic anne rice when writing vc fic, lol)

17. What are your writing weaknesses? editing for sure. i have at least a hundred fics sitting on my hard drive fully or almost-fully written that i just need to edit. but i would simply rather die than do all of that. it's also why my whole merlin fic got put on pause while i went down the vc rabbithole, because i just can't bring myself to go edit the next chapters lol

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? hmm, i think it's usually unnecessary and comes off as a bit silly. that said, i did do it once (maybe excessively) in Daniel Molloy, Time Bandit (1984 daniel ends up in 1794 theatre des vampires, it's more of a character study than a time travel fic) BUT, let me defend myself -- i did it because daniel doesnt understand french, it's his pov, and he's incredibly confused and distraught for most of the fic. i felt like the dialogue being in french conveyed this sort of "daniel does not belong in this time/place" vibes. but, also, my french is...a little rough. so i'm sure it's an annoying fic for french readers lmao

19. First fandom you wrote for? warriors cats, a million years ago hahahah

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? ok, i have three different answers for this. the fic i think is the best, objectively, in terms of writing and content: The Story of Dani [...] (r63 devil's minion from armand's pov, starting with lestat's house). the fic i am the proudest of, mostly because it was my first "big" fic (it's funny now, bc it's only 41k) and i feel like i grew a lot as a writer while working on it, and i'm still happy with it: The Face of God (les mis pov javert, character study from childhood). the fic i have the most fun with and think about almost 24/7: Arthur Pendragon, Long May She Reign (r63 merthur, canon divergence, this is like a 4-part series that's currently over 300k lmao)

no-pressure tagging: @aunteat @leslutdepointedulac @butchybats @graygiantess and anyone else who wants to!!

[leah3477sblog]

hi😊 I saw your comment on this post https://www.tumblr.com/skepticalarrie/749285800275001344/hi-allie-i-hope-your-well-we-havent-heard-from?source=share

And I wanted to ask you. How would you answer this ask? Since you have lived it. Everywhere I go I see people doubting larry only sleeping with each other because it's 'unrealistic' and because 'they are sex obsessed and in the music industry'. Their songs also allude to stuff like that, but Idk anymore. What is your opinion on all this?

I’m afraid I won’t be able to answer it either.

First of all I’m a new-ish larrie. I discovered them only 2 years ago, via fanfic, reading something from an author I loved in another fandom.

So I don’t know them and their history very well cause I wasn’t there during the 1D days and the first years, I only saw videos and timelines.

But even if I had been here during those days where they seemed a bit more free than later, I think we need to remember we only see a small part of who they are. And it’s true for every relationship you wonder about, but probably even more with this level of celebrity.

This said, I can share some thoughts of what I know, about me and my relationship, that may apply to them.

Yes, it is possible to sleep only with 1 person. That’s what I did and still do, and it doesn’t bother me, I don’t ressent my husband about that. Because I chose it. Even though it might have been hard in the beginning (we started as a long distance - 550km - relationship, only seeing each other every fortnight).

And, it might be an unpopular opinion, but maybe all that they went through (closeting, fighting against Syco, …) might have made them stronger together. Because they had each other and a “common enemy”.

If they had been allowed to be together, Syco would probably have used it as PR (I mean, I would have found it really cute 2 boybanders in love) but then, their relationship wouldn’t have been theirs only, every little step or bump would have been overshared and it couldn’t have remained their safe haven.

So maybe what happened, as horrendous as it was, was for the better in the long term for their relationship, and l chose to believe they’re still together and faithful to each other (in their own terms, which might include sleeping with other persons when they’re far from each other if that’s what they choose se and are comfortable with, faithfulness being about feelings and not bodies for them)

@skepticalarrie thought i would share this answer since the ask was yours first.

[dandyshucks]

hiii dandy !! i wanted to ask, what do you think you and guzma would do post-canon after the events of sun & moon ? (i might have asked this before - if i have, i apologize..) (i also wanted to say that its been really cool seeing ur progress on ur plush!! it seems so hard, so you having that skill is rly admirable and i wish u lots of luck w finishing it!!) (@dmclr)

CLARA HI i hope u (and dimitri hehe) are doing well :] !!! wah thank u for the question, u havent asked it before dw !!! 

OKAY SO admittedly I mostly only know the story through reading Guz’s wiki page a few times (teehee) and through osmosis from the general fandom dsgjkl, i want to play the game one day and maybe read the manga, and I’ve watched the anime eps he’s featured in and that’s all i’m watching of that LOL. I haven’t actually experienced much of his story (or su/mo in general) first-hand myself though fdsjkl

answer below the cut because.... the rambler's curse got me LOL

after the events of su/mo, I don’t think he’d actually disband Team Skull because… what is the point of that honestly LOL, so Team Skull stays together in MY version of the world hehe. they’re required to do community service to make up for whatever shenanigans they get up to, but they stop stealing pokemon and move onto just like… graffiti and casual pranks and stuff. they still cause trouble, but it’s mostly mischief now rather than any actual crime. I set them up to work on murals for shop owners around the islands so they can spraypaint and be artistic that way rather than randomly tagging walls and getting into trouble for it fjdskl. they keep their disdain for authority figures and rules because at the end of the day most of them are rowdy teens who feel outcasted from society, and that’s just the way the ball rolls with them (also a certain level of that is healthy and warranted tbh). I work with Plumeria to organize events and outings (outside of community service) for the squad though, which helps give everyone healthier outlets for their energy and focus.

Hala mentors Guz to help put him onto (and keep him on) the right track, and Guz learns to appreciate the islands and their traditions a bit - even if he still doesn’t agree with all of them. Part of that mentorship is also sort of therapy (in a more holistic naturally-occurring way rather than like... clinical therapist sitting with patient), so trauma gets unpacked and healthier ways of handling emotions are learned and implemented. Also fuck the Aether Foundation HFDSJKL I keep Guz far away from Lusamine and make sure she never gets close to him again (idk what Gladion and Lillie get up to, I haven’t thought enough about them yet fsjkl). There’s a lot of healing and self-improvement and learning how to Be A PersonTM for both of us tbh!

Beyond that, it is mostly just regular Alola/island living!! Beach visits, walking around, getting ice cream and popsicles, casual battles with tourists, catching wimpods, all that sort of thing :] Also we visit Sinnoh (my home region) for half the year (i have… a whole schedule worked out for that actually LOL) so there’s that, too.

as for the plushie omg thank u sm WAUGH :D i cannot tell if it’s just because i have a weird hodge-podge skillset but i DO think it is not actually all that difficult !!! you just need a pattern for cutting the felt and then I learned the ladder stitch for hand-sewing, and it’s been very straightforward on how to sew the pieces together!! the hardest part so far has just been the hair because I have a difficult time translating 2D images to 3D reality in that way.

I just really want to encourage ppl to try their hand at new crafts and creative skills because I think it’s really fun and honestly really good for ppls well-being!! i am very passionate about making creativity accessible to people as much as possible!!! maybe i could make a tutorial or smth… the pattern I'm using is free and available on the creator’s website, and it’s genuinely not that difficult esp compared to some other things i’ve tried my hand at in the past LOL I feel like some of my paper mache projects have been more complex than this lil goober!!

THANK YOU AGAIN, AND SORRY ABOUT BECOMING THE RAMBLING RAMBLER LMAO i actually entirely rewrote this once because I wanted to shorten it and it STILL ended up this long 😭

[ribbonpinky-art]

feeling melancholic and hopeless again. so im gonna just write out my emotions and none of it correlating. self pity post galore

im thinking about things. life is rough. so stressful. my mental illness is worsening by the day. lots of stuff happens behind the scenes that i choose to not talk about

and what im thinking about now, is that who was once one of my absolute comforts (junko).. im thinking abt that adorable little fumo plush of her i ordered several months ago is just sitting on top of my other plushies.. that i wasn't even excited to have her when she first arrived.

i didn't care.

and that hurt, knowing i didn’t, remembering how much she once meant to me.

same with my Chang’e. i want nothing to do with either of them now. they no longer bring me an ounce of comfort, only dread and remnants of a self indulgent story of kindness that once lifted me up. it all died. feels too idealistic. i feel like im too much of an outcast to let this story exist outside my private circles. i dont even want it anymore, or if i want to ever again

i think as of lately, focusing on oc’s (including ones i havent spoken of yet) has been better for my state of mind

doesnt help that im kiiinda only appreciated for my Junko works!!!! awesome!! i dont want to draw her anymore !!! fml!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! other people are better at drawing her than me anyway, ya wont miss me. lemme focus on my evil lady oc instead...

maybe im being melodramatic, and i do not care. perhaps in a few months i will be enamored with them again? idk. idc either

i feel more disconnected than ever to fandom, when i was seldom a part of any of it in the first place. im that person that exists on the outskirts, not really part of their community. im disconnected to people. i cant make connections with anyone, but i never could .. ok . i could, with a couple folks here and there. im grateful they want me around (not counting my partner of course, theyre the best thing thats ever happened to me. im not just lucky, im fortunate af we met at all)

im aware of my own issues- im autistic, im unmedicated when i probably need meds to regulate my emotions, i live in a toxic family. im triggered terribly easily, and when im hurt, it *hurts*.

 i fear that, because of my strange way of speaking and how a lot of my conversations are stilted, and what i perceive as unusual behavior-- i fear i make other people creeped out/uncomfortable. irl or otherwise. like, maybe ppl will be friendly to me at first, but after a year and i dont say much anything and im just this creepy, quiet weirdo to them now. and thats so silly. whats creepy about me?? im a pint size thing who cant even look anyone in the eye very well. is that creepy?? ok, i struggle to talk sometimes, i might be uninterested in conversation but i dont want to be disliked for it-- idk ((ok i have “Creep” by Radiohead set in my mind because of my mental state, and its kinda funny to me for some reason)

i genuinely feel like i lack intelligence. i suck at thinking. i suck at thinking of words, remembering things, and the tiny mistakes i do make are SO small that it should be impossible to make the mistake in the first place. was i always like this? i feel like i used to be smarter , lol

i am quite literally, a complete failure in my family. i cant stress the truth in that enough. even my grandmother is disappointed in me and only wants to see a text message from me saying i got a worthy job in my field. that only thing that matters to anyone, my one and only point of interest in everyone i speak to in my life even outside my family, is that i dont have a real job. thats it. everyone is waiting for me to be.. someone.

because im no one.

but none of them have been a particularly positive influence in my life, seeing as im stuck here.

i genuinely feel disgusting for existing. my body feels wrong to be in when i am visible to any human being. perhaps even to any animal and bug, too. i dont want to be looked at, to be remembered by anyone who wont understand me

nothing is changing!!!!! and when it is, its worse than before!! why cant i just be brave and GO

..

..

..

not all of this reflects reality. i beat myself up a lot. mirrin knows it. i know it.

it hurts

[spikeinthepunch]

rebrand conflict

idk how to decide what is a good or bad decision in terms of like...wanting to rebrand. i wish i could count back to how long i have used "morrysillusion" overall, i dont have a specific date. but i know after the white/brown antelope/wolf fursona, i think i dropped "moreyytilatot"? i think i tried to just go by "morey" in some form (i recall "princemorry" url). and then i dropped the 'nisovinsillusion' url maybe in early 2016? but i also had the coffini url here for a good while after. i cant remember if i used morrysillusion outside of tumblr around that time so. idk...

and heres the thing-- i dont really feel disconnected from my username, its fine and i think its p cool. but also in my head i keep wanting to change it, and part of that is wanting to claim a super old username i have no bad associations with. and i think part of that is bc of all the ways i am trying to do the things i was denied through my younger years-- so i am just reliving a lot of nice things and recalling the vibes and online trend etc i had. but also like.... attitude? personality wise? i feel like im not reflecting that w my current "brand" so to speak. at the very least if i didnt change my username, i still dont feel like the current look is something i want. i think the urge on the username change is just an additional feeling to push away from what i have been under this name.

the username i keep wanting to fall back to is 'spikeinthepunch/spikedpunch' (had the short one on xboxlive and the long one on deviantart) which was a short lived username but has no negative relations to anything, and i wished i kept it for a bit longer. and its kind of an edgy username lol. but in my recent years of growing as an adult, moving out, and being my own person, i feel soooo different than how my accounts have been presenting me. i guess ive been like soft, simple, and stiff in presentation? i think i fell into this when i was thinking id keep doing art commissions etc in a "professional" way, and especially bc i was doing my CN internship around then and wanted to still look presentable for the industry when looking for jobs. and while i certainly would love to work in the creative industry potentially, i obviously dont need to keep up that Normal-er image, i never should have, but also at that age and time i didnt feel like i could be that way at all. i was far more nervous of people interpreting me badly, negatively, etc if i was more edgy or mature. i was young and not dealing with my issues and so fixated on trauma etc.

this is also lining up w my plans to rework my website too. and i think a lot of this feeling also comes along w my "mascot" who i think is lovely! but him being a "mascot" makes him.... very detached from me as a person. i havent had any sonas to relate to in almost over a year... and my mascot was never meant to be a sona, just a Guy to represent my vibe (the colors, aliens) and social media appearance. and i guess i dont like that vibe anymore. i havent even felt all too into the shift i made to Mikike just having a vague spacesuit either, i felt i was just forcing that in order to fit the simple minecraft skin format for readability. (if people were to draw my skin, making it plantigrade and less animal would be easier)

and of course an additional observation i have had in more recent times are manic episodes that make me uproot parts of my life and change a lot of stuff about my identity etc. it may not seem like that happens online but its bc i manage to hold back on changing things abt my online branding lol- but it often results in making sideblogs for whatever new fandom/media i attached to in my episode and irl changing my entire appearance to fit and much more (and promptly drop both in about a month or so- its why i have so many abandoned sideblogs). this is obviously the bigger issue bc its what makes it Very hard for me to not do this (n yes i am in a bit of an episode rn despite my medication so...). and shocker, so many of my username/url changes and failure to ever keep one long enough to form an identity is related to that as well! its a surprise i havent done it in years but it was the expectation to stay with one identity, one look, in order to be Normal and recognized in a professional way, and i dont like that.

making this post and dumping thoughts has me thinking on a solution. as i said i dont really feel detached from my username. but what i dont relate to the most now is the way i feel i have gotten stuck in presenting myself online, and as a "brand". i want to toss out my color scheme, my mascot, my outward attitude. i want to let myself actually present in a way i like and not in a way that feels "clean". when my wcrp got shut down i had to come to the idea of acceptance and letting go of things i cannot control. and the reality of what truly doesnt matter in terms of what people may think of me. that was a huge pressure left on me for YEARS thanks to 2014-16 tumblr mindset and it is so so much harder to break esp if you want to try and be a creator and build an audience. i felt like i had become aware of this, and i have, but i didnt really click the fact that i wasnt into my current online presence bc i was still living with a piece of that era.. the fear of getting popular and being 'called out' for something for years ago, that wasnt even serious or bad, feeling like i was stepping carefully everywhere even when nothing was wrong. this doesnt entirely tie to WHY i want to do all the above. its just an observation on one of the things that hold me back too. just staying the same and staying safe. i hardly ever post, and while its something i chose to do its also a 'bonus' to not giving people much things to read off of me and assume from too.

this is getting too long and i think i have my point. idk what im gonna do but im thinking a lot abt how i should take control of my online life.

[justasopearchive]

uhmmmm.... 👉👈 im still curious about your thoughts on why you think sope has kind of drifted apart these past few years. ive been watching the two closely since 2017 and kind of went mia last 2020. only got back in the fandom late last yr so im curious about your perspective on why you think so... ive seen some sopies share the same sentiments and i wanted to get more context as to why yall arrived with almost the same idea. i already asked you this before but i noticed you still havent answered it yet. if you wont reply to this, i guess ill just take that as a hint to never ask about this topic again hehe sorry if these ever came off as delusional or anything but im honestly just curious about what happened 🥺

Oh, of course; sorry about that, my entire Tumblr is on a queue, so I’m rarely actually ON Tumblr (except yesterday) and most asks I get are lowkey toxic shipping stuff, so I ignore it 😩

It’s not delusional at all; and if it is, I’m also delulu lol. In terms of Sope in particular, I always got the feeling that Suga had a thing for Hobi…a demonstrable thing, crush, feelings, confusion, call it whatever you want. Yes, BH feeds into the madness, but I don’t think they can fake every second on camera and he (Y) was just demonstrably happier, softer and overall more energetic with him (H).

But we stopped getting damn near any interactions a few years ago. Like. At all. Even the 2021 and 2022 memories were bare bones for us Sopies.

My theory? Sometime in 2019ish something happened and one or the other said something pretty bad to the other or feelings came to a head and someone, IDK WHO, put them on ice (I tend to think it was Hobi who wanted to chill out…idk, he just never seemed as into it). And they just haven’t been the same since then. We know they used to see each other outside of work in the past because both of them have said it and there’s photo/video evidence. Now, J-Hope says he sees Suga “in the office”; a far cry from two dudes who went to concerts together or sat around and drank at their new office.

Even Yoongi being the only one not at the JITB release party. That wasn’t sus to y’all? And, yes, I know they said he “felt sick.” But come on…he turned around and performed, in outstanding health, at the Psy concert right after that. That just looked…strange.

Anyway, I’m choosing to remain delulu and force myself to believe that they love each other and Sope is not divorced and they’ve kissed (don’t worry, I know this is all jokes and fantasy…I actually believe 5/7 of Bangtan are in or have recently been in, hetero romantic relationships).

I’ve literally never “shipped” anyone else in my life and BTS is the only group of strangers I actively enjoy keeping up with (I don’t even watch reality TV 🥴)—so I’m just gonna hold on to this as my OTP for awhile lol

This is all just conjecture and gossiping on MY part.

Hope that answers your question 🙃

[popstart]

hi can we get your heathney thoughts and hc </3 ur ppp fic was so good i read it all in one day i love the dynamic u gave them

talking about ppp in the past tense is kind of killing meee(i want to work on it again idk whats up i just have writers block infinity and health problems + phys disability flareups. blehhh) anyways once i get to it again is when its gonna get good. rn its just setup for setup BUT IM GLAD YOU LIKE IT SO FAR! yay ^_^! truthfully i see way too much wrong with it and want to fix a lot and thats part of why i havent touched it in like. um 7 months🤐. lemme retcon some things and fix the pacing and itll be GOOODDDD...

heathney is literally just whatever i feel like forcing onto them at the moment because when i was writing hcag and ppp there was like... 3 fics for them HELP😭 and i had a different idea in my head than the ones i half-read. i havent really touched ao3 in the same last 7 months so im not sure if its different now but bc it was bleak for a while i kinda just made stuff up and hoped it stuck with people (which apparently it did. im glad people like my work :3)

my thinking about them started when i was writing/drafting heartaches (im still writing for it too. auahghh🫠) it was all spawned by a random train of thought that i wish world tour was less focused on alejandro and more on the dynamic that could have formed around heather and courtney PURELY because of that 1 second scene where heather was comforting courtney. thats literally it that entire fic was spawned by two seconds and some anons egging me on bc it was an idea other people were interested in. I wanted to delve into the thought process of heather behind that. like how genuine was that scene to heather and how impactful was it to courtney. basically I just thought the idea of heather taking advantage of courtney when she was so volatile and emotionally clingy sounded evil and fun. i literally just didnt like that courtney got so into alejandro bc i hate that man so much so i swapped some things around and got hcag

sorry for being the ultimate tangent master im finally getting back to ppp heathney. anyways. Having been writing the sort of dynamic of heather and courtney being weird teammates that are only using eachother but also in it for their own emotional clingyness reminded me of my FAVORITE SHOW EEVRRR lps populaarr🙈🙈🙈🙈 and also aus of that show i love so i stole the concept. in my mind they became childhood besties for the resties until they got separated then hated eachother when they met up years later. With the way i was writing heather in hcag i was thinking soooo hard about how fucked up courtney couldve been if she had an influence like heather as a kid. this is also going back to my time in the amphibia fandom oops i hella stole everything for that fic and tweaked some things.

I dont think ppp is the heathney dynamic of all time because its literally shit i made up and stole and inserted into a really self indulgent fic, BUT it is a dynamic i love for them in the setting of the au its in. heather being so so so controlling to courtney as kids and courtney having no friends to base this behavior off of thinking its normal. aughh... they have opposite levels of social skills which makes their communication shit which entertains me. Heather knows what she wants from people and knows how to get it, and she doesnt notice (or care) how harmful she can be. Courtney doesnt know how to talk to people very well and has a very twisted grasp of what people think about her, in her eyes being the most well liked person on the planet and throwing a tissy fit every time thats challenged. im gonna say it 20 times but it just grasps me way too hard and it gets my brain thinking forever and ever about them. courtney as is very much a "i want what i want and ill get it" kind of person but in ppp heather is so good at manipulating her that the kinds of personality traits she shows in canon are very much suppressed (whether that was on accident or on purpose from heather is technically spoilers? for ppp i guess). theyre still there but hidden from years of being friends with heather as a child. LOL BASICALLY. i hope its obvious but despite their deep friendship as a child and how much love (and rose tinted glasses) they had for eachother and the past, that shit was NOT HEALTHY!!!! AT ALL!

so heather is really good at manipulating and courtney was the one that ended up on the brunt of it all. not surprising, we all know what heather is like, but COURTNEY.. ohh im so sorry about what i do to her im constantly fucking her up because i just love to see how she reacts to it. she is so reactive and emotional and i love it. i love seeing such an intelligent and confident woman be so weak to her own damn self UGH it kills me inside but i cant look away i need to mess her up constantly. Courtney in ppp has such an interesting perspective to write because i can insert some random ass idea into her head and play it off because she is emotionally STUPID! you can truly make her think anything thats at an extremely juvenile level of emotional awareness/understanding and you'll be able to play it off because she has way too much confidence in herself while knowing very little outside of academics and very clear-cut rule oriented things. the way it plays into her thoughts about heather too.. oohhhh. evil evil stuff.. she knows heather is considered a bad person and she also sees herself as being better than everyone in every way so she cant mentally stoop down to heathers level of brutality, meanwhile because of the way she sees herself shes constantly thinking bad of others and people see them very similarly. Courtney doesnt realize it but she is on a veryy similar playing field to heather in terms of how people see them. it would be gutting if she ever realized but her brain does Not let her see it that way. i just love courtney corruption arc ok orz. i need heather to play into it so damn bad. it grabs me so hard.

anyways this is quite messy and very spur of the moment but these are basically my thoughts on them. i want them to make eachother worse but in the most fucked up way imaginable. i want them to have the most deep and complicated history ever

[maaaxx]

6, 7, 16 for the New Years writing ask game <3

6: Which yet to be started fic is first on your list?

Idk if this means fics on my reading list that i havent read yet or fics on the list on the stuff i want to write so ill answer both of them.

Reading list:

Ozymandias, King of Kings

This has been in the back of my mind to read for a while but I had a friend recommend it to me recently so now its like at the top of my reading priority list.

Writing list:

That one fic i've been talking about. I've been debating how much detail I should give about it, like if I should drop the title or like a general summary or not.

But I have it mostly figured out and a large part of it outlined and I just need to start writing it.

I'm really excited about this fic but because of the fact that it has two different story lines with equal importance, It's going to be hard to write. But it's going to be a lot less messy than ihiap and it'll probably be out some time in January or February.

I want to get going with ihiap again before i start on this one.

I stared at this question for like ten minutes trying to figure out what it means.

7: Will you change anything about the way you interact with other writers?

A few things with this one.

So, other writers terrify me. (Everyone in fandom terrifies me, including my own readers but thats not the point).

I do this thing where I find a reason to think every other writer is more 'successful' than me in fandom. Which is a weird thought to have because a) it's not like my fic doesnt have a lot of like kudos and comments and stuff. and b) what even is 'success' in fandom? and c) it doesnt matter at all.

But like in doing this I tend to think that if someone has like two more comments than me or even if I just like their writing style better than I like mine I shouldn't interact with them or reach out to them or comment because they wont notice or care.

Something that I noticed that helps with this mindset is putting yourself in their position. Like every time someone sends me an ask or messages me or comments or leaves kudos i notice and get so excited and happy, so like why wouldn't that apply to other people about me?

So that's one thing that I intend to do more, is interact with other creators more. Like comment on their stuff and send asks and all that fun stuff.

Like I've had people that get surprised that I message them back or answer their asks or follow them back. And I've had people make comments about like 'omg i cant believe you know i actually exist <3' And something that I think people tend to not realize is that most people who do fan works aren't stalking your blogs or your ao3 accounts thinking to themselves 'well i have 5 million followers/kudos or whatever and this person only has thirty followers, why the hell should I give them the time of day'. Nobody thinks that I promise.

Even if you're not a creator and your just kind of spectating and consuming fics/art/etc, reaching out to your favorite creators make their day, and they do not think anything bad of you. And doing this and like involving yourself in fandom (no matter how intimidating it is) is a great way to make friends in your fandom and like build community and stuff.

I got off track.

The other thing.

There is this specific fic author who has like 3 or 4 completely different reasons to not like me. Like I just have bad luck with this author and interacting with them and they're not even one I interact with a lot, but the few times I have just ended badly lol.

"Will you change anything about the way you interact with other writers?"

Yes, in 2023 I am going to try my best to not irritate this specific writer anymore. We'll see if I succeed.

16. Do you have that one fanfic that you wrote a ton for, ages ago, but never posted? Will this be the year, come hell or high water, that it WILL get finished and posted?

Theres this fucking fic thing that I want to post so bad and I know exactly what I want to happen and it's not an issue of ideas it's an issue of prioritization. Like every time I sit down to write this I'm like 'oh you have this one fic that you havent updated in 2 months and you have the audacity to write another one?" 😐🙄

Then I'm like 'well damn you're right' and work on ihiap.

But ihiap is doing really well right now and i have the next like two chapters written already and im like half way through the third and so ill have time to write my other stuff.

This specific wip isn't like a plot thing, but it's like a series of one shots revolving around one specific subject (if that makes sense)

but it's really sweet and its centered around the fire hazards and im so excited to write it.

I have like two chapters written but i want more before i commit to it but if i dont post that this year i'll be damned-

[corvidcall]

i saw a good post abt how fatphobia comes up in fat peoples sex/dating lives (which I'll probably reblog later, when i have time to add stuff to the tags) but hooooooh boy it did dredge up some stuff for me!!! and now im upset!!!!

[spacedlexi]

i always wondered if you ever read any violentine/twg fanfiction and if you have could you tell us your favorites? Or what tropes would you like to read? Idk I just really like this ship and since there was so little content I could find so i read a lot of shit 💀 but I hold a special care for it since it was one of the first fandoms I entered and finding out Clem was bi meant a lot to me cause you don't see a lot of bi representation that isn't like "I like fucking anything that moves🤩(Yea Im looking at you Elite)”.

So yeah I'd like to hear you thought of fanfiction and stuff.

i tried once or twice but didnt get farther than the first chapter or so on the few i tried 😔 i kinda for the most part stopped reading fic after high school to be fair, so im very particular about what i Do read when it comes to fic now. and on ao3 at least since im afraid of wattpad there really hasnt been anything that held my attention (at least in the past. like i said i havent tried looking in a couple years so who knows). i need plot/character development heavy stuff that i can really sink my teeth into and i didnt really find much of that... and the "tropes" i like are more determined by which characters im applying them to so i dont always like the same ones across the board

someone asked me this question a while ago and i asked for any fic recs at the time but i only got like.. one? im really not sure what the state of twdg fic is like honestly

DESPITE all that tho im still slowly slowly SLOWLY meticulously steadily working on my own oneshot that i WILL FINISH I SWEAR its over 20 pages currently and only like 2/3? done?? and half edited BUT it IS outlined so..... i just have to.. you know..... actually Finish it....

i posted some snippets from it a while ago (HERE) but here's a couple longer ones since ive written about 10 more pages (plus like 5 in outlines) since then. im Really particular about the flow of my writing which is like.. the main reason why i take so long to write.. gotta fix it until it Feels Right

A comfortable silence seemed to settle over them then. The wind outside the shack still blew harshly, whistling against the broken windows. But as the girls sat by the warm glow of the fire, and listened to the crackling of the burning logs, it was enough to melt their tension. At least a bit.

The silence continued until the fire began to dwindle with the last of the logs. "We're going to have to start burning those..." Clementine said as she looked at the loose boards they had kicked aside earlier.

"I got it," Violet said as she stood, not even giving Clementine a chance to move. As she grabbed a board and kicked hard at its center, trying to break it in two, Clementine twisted her mouth. Not at the other girl, but at herself. She was still getting used to her new limitations, and it frustrated her knowing there were just certain things that she couldn't or struggled to do now.

The boards had been sturdy once, but due to age and exposure, they had eroded enough that Violet was able to break them with relative ease. She threw a couple of the pieces on the fire and set the rest by the hearth as she returned to where she had been at Clementine's side. She gave her a soft, reassuring smile as the fire came back to life, and Clementine gave a soft smile in return, breaking her from her thoughts, if only momentarily.

She heaved a sigh as her eyes were drawn back to the missing portion of her left leg. She thought about the trek awaiting them in the morning, and her mouth twisted again. "Ugh, walking through all of that snow is gonna fuck up my leg..."

The soft smile on Violet's face became mischievous. "Don't worry, I can just carry you instead." She said it nonchalantly, but the fluttering in her chest betrayed her.

Clementine quirked her eyebrow in response to the bold statement, smiling skeptically as she laughed "Uh, aha, yeah right."

"What, don't think I can?" Violet responded, the look on her face unbothered by the other girls reaction. "Brody was the one who carried you to the school after you crashed and I'm, like, at least as strong as Brody was."

Clementine's face dropped at the revelation. "Wait-... Brody brought us back?"

"Uh..." Violet hesitated at the change in Clementine's voice. "Yeah... Her and Marlon. She was the only one he would ever take outside the safe zone." She explained, and as an aside to herself said "Huh, guess it makes sense now..."

The playful atmosphere had now quickly disappeared, only to be replaced with a quiet, somber one. In the short time Clementine had to get to know Brody, she felt they had started to become friends. However, there weren’t many good memories made between them, and so Clementine more easily remembered the bad ones.

She could still remember that stormy night in the cellar clearly, could remember the sounds of Brody's inhuman screeching. The hot blood on her hands as she fought against the turned girl for her life. The guilt sinking in her chest like a black hole as she looked over what she had done. What she had to do. Clementine mourned her in the way she mourned everyone else she had lost. And it never got any easier.

Violet watched Clementine as she internally fought through her feelings, and once again regretted her words. She didn't want to think about Brody, either. And felt guilty over unintentionally bringing those awful memories to the surface. Clementine told them what Marlon had done that night, yet never talked about what happened after. But Violet had helped the others with the bodies, had seen what Clementine was forced to do. She remembered the sight clearly, as clearly as she remembered feeling that Marlon got what he deserved.

--

"Maybe we should try to get some sleep before it gets cold in here..." Clementine suggested tentatively.

Violet shifted, stretching her arms out in front of her, catching the last of the heat from the hearth on her fingers. "We should use the bed, then. It'll at least be better than the floor. Plus, there's a blanket."

Violet stood up then, stretching her legs as Clementine looked up at her. "Are you sure that thing isn't completely rotted?"

"It should be okay. We only brought it in here a little over a year ago."

"'We'? Why?"

"Uh-" Violet started at that, averting her eyes. "Um... Minnie and I... we kinda... used to hang out here..."

"Oh..." Clementine wasn't sure what to say to that, but it did confirm her suspicions. So instead, she relented. "Okay."

But she hesitated, looking between her leg and her prosthetic where it still sat propped against the side of the fireplace. "Hmm..." Should she put it back on? The bed wasn't far...

"Here," Violet reached her hand out, noticing the hesitation, "let me help you."

Clementine eyed the outstretched hand, considering her options, and once again twisted her mouth at her new limitations. She kind of hated this. She had done everything on her own for so long, and now...

"C'mon, it's okay."

She looked back and forth between Violet's face and outstretched hand a few times before finally relenting. "...Fine." She really didn't want to lace up her prosthetic just to immediately take it off again.

Clementine took her hand, and Violet helped pull her up to stand. They leaned close as she found her balance, gripping tightly at Violet's shoulder with her free hand. It only took a short moment, and once Clementine stabled herself, her eyes locked with Violet's. They both started a bit when they noticed how close they had become, face to face.

"Aha. Um, you good?" Violet asked, slightly flushed.

"Yeah," Clementine said, hiding her blush better than the other girl. "Thanks."

[olderthannetfic]

Hi I’ve been wrestling with smtg for a bit( aka several years) and I honestly wasnt sure where to even start a convo for this and then I saw a brief mention in the comments so here I am. Im like a big Cassandra Clare fan(i am starting to outgrow her stuff but i still read for like past me’s sake) havent gotten into reading fanfic (for another fandom) until lets say recent years like a year ago, and then well like any person who obsesses over smtg i also learned stuff about the author that sounded well, like she wasnt exactly the nicest person. Especially when it came to how she started as a fanfic writer. Im confused though: the way people kinda like say, oh supporting her is bad ya know cuz of how she was kinda shitty (im being vague cuz any time i tried to look up actual like proof i just got angry sounding articles and i wasnt sure if that was like good enough??) and I look at her material now that I personally find relatable(Izzy was the first character I looked at and thought: oh its okay to be feminine AND badass? More context: my part of the world was/ is INCREDIBLY sexist) and I found so much joy in and very much like all the lgbt rep I found in it, people are still referring back to how shes horrible and im just like: i feel like i missed out on smtg everyone knew once but idk where to look to even get more info.

Anyway I mentioned how recently I got into fanfic because until I started following your blog I didnt know all the history behind it and that started to help me figure out some things about how some authors started out.

I dont expect anyone to like gimme a list or smtg like: oh this person is bad bcuz X. Im just wondrring like: why am i constantly told I shouldnt like cassandra clare? when they’ve done so much good for me. (I dont mean to think my experience is the only one or anything either ofc)

I dont mean to come off like im in denial or maybe I am idk i really just dont know where to go for this convo cuz i absolutely want to have it

--

You want my honest answer? Butthurt.

Cassie has gotten many, many chances that other people would have liked, and she has gotten them on the basis of whom she knows, from her publishing contract to her film and tv deals. People don't feel she earned those chances, and they are bitter as fuck. For example, her books got made into a film. It bombed. And then, unlike in most other cases, they went on and made a tv series of the same material. I think a lot of people look at her and see a charmed life, and it disgusts them either out of pure jealousy or because she was always kind of a douchbag.

Cassie's an asshole, but her "crimes" are so incredibly minor compared to Hollywood creeps or even compared to JKR. If you want to keep liking her books, you do you.

--

Now, as for what her "crimes" actually are, they boil down to fandom interpersonal drama, gross e-begging (kind of), and plagiarism.

She got her ass kicked off of FFN for copying lines and even whole chunks from other media and putting them in her HP fic without attribution. She later tried to excuse this by saying her fans were playing 'spot the reference', but I saw fans quoting 'her" lines all the time and not realizing they were borrowed.

She did actually plagiarize. Whether you think this is the crime to end all crimes is another story.

"Laptopgate" and the time fandom bought her an iPod are probably second most serious. CC's apartment was burgled, and she and her roommates lost some computers and things. She didn't directly ask her followers for money, but she didn't have to. A little crying on social media and some active organizing by her friend, and fandom coughed up a whole bunch of money. Something similar happened when she wanted an iPod.

This really doesn't seem like a big deal, does it? The reason it bugged people was that it was pretty obvious she had a lot more resources than many of the people donating. She could have asked her family for help replacing the laptops. I found the whole thing a bit tacky in both cases and thought she sounded like she was fishing for the iPod even if she didn't directly ask her fans to buy it for her, but this is hardly the stuff of undying scandal.

The real reason people remember laptopgate is that a fan with a medical fundraiser tried to get CC's friend to signal boost them, and the friend was dismissive. I do think she handled it poorly. It was also a time when e-begging was a lot rarer than now and when signal boosting was more than just clicking reblog. How much any of that was CC's fault is open to interpretation.

CC was also the unwitting dupe of fandom's most famous con artist, Msscribe, a bully who went after whole swaths of Harry Potter fandom. CC wasn't directly at fault, but her fame and popularity helped this other asshole operate unimpeded. It left a lot of fans disgusted with that whole social circle.

Beyond that, there's a vast list of minor bullshit. CC acted like a celebrity and lorded it over her fellow fans. She pitted her sycophants against each other. She was--and as far as I can tell stayed--an entitled, self-important whiner. Her crying about Shadowhunters not following her derivative biphobic trash books more closely was hilarious, for example. Cry moar about how your boring self insert got sidelined for a better character!

She has some one-off story I remember people being pissed about that is basically her pulling a Not Like The Other Girls and shitting on fandom nerds--or at least, that's how people took it.

CC has also spent a lot of time talking behind people's backs and being a catty bitch--possibly even a bully. But that kind of thing is hard to prove. It's all down to how different people remember and interpret various incidents, and a lot of the people she was shitty to are also major drama queens who don't always inspire much sympathy.

If you stopped reading every author who was rude or self-important at some point, you wouldn't have much left to read.

--

OTW, which runs AO3, also runs a fandom history wiki. You can look CC up there. I think it covers most of the major stuff, including a rumor I had totally forgotten about about her ~doxxing a minor~. (That was Flourish who explains the whole thing themself, and CC did nothing of the sort.)

https://fanlore.org/wiki/Cassandra_Claire

CC's major crime has always been being a privileged jerk. People see her as a Rich Mean Girl and one of us who thinks she's somehow too good for the rest of us. Except, now, she's also a famous author and not really One Of Us anymore. That's why it's so difficult for people to articulate the problem.

I think her work does have some shitty messages, but for me to engage deeply with them, I'd have to go read the whole thing instead of just chortling at a few horrible metaphors and reading other people's salt. Life's too short for that!

Go forth, nonnie, and read the teen books of your heart. CC isn't problematic in a way where you should refuse to give her money.