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autisticempathydaemon · 7 months

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Busybee my dear, hello from a fellow queer trans asain! i would love a matchup if its not too much trouble for you :3c

What song are you currently fixated on?

Oh my god, my friends and I have recently started making monthly playlists and it’s one of my favourite things to do; just curate a playlist over the course of a month!! currently its a load of fnaf living tombstone music BUT I’ve also been obsessed with The Distance by Cake? As a drummer, i absolutely adore the bass of this song!! Or Super Bon Bon by Soul Coughing has also some absolutely amazing drums!! Apart from that, I’m generally in love with everything Crane Wives BUT particularly for this month, the song Back to the Ground is so delicious!!I would put my fave lyrics but then i might have to transcribe the whole song lol. Just- the entire vibe and meaning of the song is so good (like most every crane wives song ill be honest)

Enneagram type?

Oof oh i havent done thay quiz in a hot minute but last i checked i was a 9w1 which definitely speaks to my lazy ass lol. I’m also an INFP?? I’m also a huge DND nerd so I have taken the alignment quiz and im chaotic good id that helps in any way HAHAH!!!

favourite Redacted audio?

100% the whole of avior and starlights playlist. absolutely devastating. i had to pause the playlist several times and lie down for a minute because i was so absolutely insane abt them. i love them so deeply. I’m definitely more drawn to the more plot heavy characters and arcs as compared to like ashers or davids which is more like cute couple moments (not that they dont have plot but its like. ashers playlist vs marcus’s ykyk) but that being said my favourite video of all time is probably elliots HBS video!! He is my favourite boy i will not lie i am so utterly obsessed with him and i would absolutely write pages upon pages abt why i love him and why his character is so my favourite for the ever.

fave platonic boy?

ASHER !! OR GUY!! I love silly dudes and they are peak silly boys. honestly i could see myself being best buds with Guy because we’re both so dirty minded and very clingy silly?? but there are also aspects where i would balance him out, like while i do love being chaotic i also understand the importance of just stfu and being silent every once in a while so i thunk there wld be times where there ARE shenanigans but also times where hes rambling my ears off and i can just sit. and listen. And I do love the hc that Guy plays DND and now i can absolutely imagine us playing dnd together OR binging dnd playthroughs. AND for asher, I feel like i wouldve had a crush on him because hes so like silly but also hes such an absolute sweetheart darling and hes so endearing that u just cant help but love him yk? but it wld be one of those friendship crushes that just means we end up being super close.

what gets the big boy a-snoozin?

anythin thay involved peoples voices. like straight up listenin to people talk absolutely sends me straight to dream land asap!! its kinda specific though like, if its a podcast? I can’t listen to those. the voice quality just sounds different from like a video of someone talking?? to me at least. And i can only fall asleep to videos of people talking (which is lowkey how. i got into boyfriend audios in the first place. amen insomnia). so now i have a sleepin playlist that consists of boyfriend (and girlfriend) audios, video essays about SCP’s and internet drama (shoutout to the right opinion) and also dnd playthroughs!

do u like long form video essays??

I LOVE VIDEO ESSAYS ABOUT SCP’S. i put them on when i cook!! I love ones that just talk abt the SCPs cause some are truly mind boggling and world shattering! I also listen to video essays abt youtuber drama because im not better then that and also a lot of them have quite impressive video editing!

Imaginary friends?

I think as someone who started watching horror movies at a very young age and is also super obsessed with horror movies/books now, i fully believe that if you had a imaginary friend as a child, you’re absolutely cursed and haunted and u need to be exorcised asap. (/j) no my parents were always super realistic with me and told me point blank that santa wasnt real, imaginary friends were only for mentally ill kids, and the only real big guy is the big boy in the sky. so. no imaginary friends BUT i did and still have a teddy bear (very creatively named bear bear) and i used to cry when i lost him.

i think thats it! i hope. thats enoigh haha. oh, some extra stuff abt me! I love cookin food, it’s very fun if not incredibly tiring, plus im perpetually broke, so tryin to cook up my favourite restaurant meals is also fun! I love drinks too (firm believer that every meal NEEDS to have a drink to accompany it) i’m a particularly huge fan of bubble tea (before it was cool ok) i did try to make my own bubble tea but it got really time consuming and not worth it. i love collecting plushies, i have about 10 in my room and yes they absolutely trigger my sinus but its so worth it. i love gamin and one of my first big boy buys was a gamin PC that i used to play Stray, Sims, Minecraft and most recently, FNAF! please pray i save up enough to get BG3. ٩( ᐛ )و

ok now thats really enough! thank you for this!! even if u dont get round to doin a matchup for me, thanks for lettin me ramble abt my interests :3 the questions are actually so fun hehe <333

Oh, I really like you. Not just because you gave me a lot of info to go on but because you and I have so much in common! Us queer, trans, Asian Type Nines have to stick together which is why I’m so pleased to pair you with Lasko.

I know I say this all the time, but it’s the perfect amount of similarities and differences that make a good pair in my opinion. I think your shared love of DnD, your introversion, your queer trans identity (because Lasko is queer and a whole allegory for a trans childhood, bless his heart) would be a great foundation for a solid relationship. Yet, it’s the differences that bring the spark like your love of horror where he would be squeamish or your chaotic good to his lawful.

I have such clear snapshots in my head of what your relationship would be like; if only I were an artist. You remind me of @itsdaifuku’s lovely piece of Dear as a guitarist and Lasko watching, starstruck, from the crowd; that would be you but as the drummer. I also love to imagine the two of you in the kitchen: you cooking, him mindlessly grading papers, an SCP video on, and Lasko looking up aghast when he finally tunes into what you’ve both been listening to.

Song:

I mean she even cooks me pancakes/ And Alka Seltzer when my tummy aches/ If that ain't love then I don't know what love is/ We even got a secret handshake/ And she loves the music that my band makes/ I know I'm young but if I had to choose her or the sun/ I'd be one nocturnal son of a gun

Sorry but not sorry, I’ve projected and given Lasko my elder emo taste in music. It’s cute, it’s iconic, and he’d know all the words- shyly, sheepishly joining in if you start rapping along with it as you cook. I like to imagine 2000’s emo music brings out a silly, karaoke-esque exuberance in Lasko, and then you could be silly together.

Runner-ups:

Milo is one of your runner-ups because (and I know I say this all the time too) it’s so fun to pair that scaredy-wolf with a horror buff. Everything he’s learned about SCPs has been against his will and because he loves you. Hudson is a runner-up because I’m obsessed with pairing musicians with DJ Anxiety; he’d love you and your drumming so much.

note: thank you so much for waiting 💕 I’m glad you had fun!

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

#redactedasmr #redactedverse #redacted asmr #redactedaudio #redacted audio #redacted #busybee matches

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deathberi · 2 months

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I wasn't super baby, I was only 5 when it came out and my brother bought it. But I think I played it by myself the first time when I was like 9 or 10. I don't remember how I felt playing it, as I said, my English wasn't the best, but I got drawn into the world and story either way, without knowing details.

And so happy when other OG fans of Clerith exist, I get Remake just made it super easy to fall in love with them, but tiny pixel!Clerith ;;

And I do feel kinda bad for being anime only fan, haha. I just didn't read lots of manga when I was younger, especially not longer ones, so just never started. But I'm making that right now, bought the first out of the three boxes with 20 volumes in it, so I can start anytime and buy the other 2 when I'm done and have the money. : D

(And I'm just now finishing Rebirth for the third time or the last two chapters, I finished all the sidequests earlier (even the last one that was sent from hell, haha. And I just finished watching Aerith's trial in the Temple again and can't stop crying, haha)

//☁️🌏🍓💀

90s babies are not old dont call yourself that jshdjdjs 😂w even as a kid im pretty obsessive with understanding everything related to my favs and i dont really attach to a lot then so really they were one of my very first loves~ i think being long time fans really just make it all the more kind of...exciting? idk the most apt term i suck at english calming at the same time? for us when knowing that there are more of us like that out there <3 and that are still here after all these years

well at least you're beating me in the physical copy department? lol i literally only have just the matching ichiruki covers 😂 kubo's volume cover gaming is really good though so i definitely considered collecting everything before but nahhh it flew out of my priority list since i buy lots of other collectibles anyway. really cool you got the first set now though thats already a lottt~~ must be nice looking at them :3

(nice? or not nice? ToT im still not immuned to the last chapter... i've played it full twice, rewatched the cutscenes endlessly its part of editing >w<... aerith's trial is something i cant get through without making a mess of my face like hnggg that was too...too much my baby girl!!!!!! i still have a few sidequests to go and tbh im not that all in to do the remaining ones yet (lol some T&Y quests) but my latest rebirth achievement would be uhhh i finished the world intel! i havent decided on my next goal for rebirth im not really in a hurry to get the plat, maybe should start on a hard mode playthrough bc i didnt set that at first so i'd get done through the story very quickly >w<)

#asks #anonymous #☁️🌏🍓💀 anon #clerith #ichiruki

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scarsmood · 2 years

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i saw a post earlier saying that liking knotting in fanfic / kink is a gateway to being attracted to real life animals. i know i'm definitely not into that but now i feel guilty having this kink!

being otherkin and my species having knots, it is something i like but now i am unsure if i should even read stories about that content.

i am 100% against animal abuse and anything involving real creatures, but i can't shake this anxiety. does a hot werewolf with a knot really lead you down a slippery slope? is it inherently bad?

TW: mention and discussion of zoophilia and rape short answer, no. Long answer for explanation: Being into say zoophilia does not inherently make you a bad person. Being attracted to animals would label someone as a zoophile. which is a type of paraphilia. paraphilias are uncomfortable and scary to talk about understandably. We live in a culture that is very morally correct down to our thoughts since we post them online. It is a popular opinion it's not ok to engage with zoophilic content. I'd argue it is okay when you do so ethically and use it for management of your paraphilia. people often say "thats disgusting see a therapist" you know what the therapist says? "you need a healthy outlet so you dont fall into committing acts that are illegal or harmful"

petplay and fictional drawn content like feral furry porn are two outlets that are more ethically friendly. If you are paranoid about supporting beastalists which are people who have actually committed acts of assaulting animals do a background check on artists and pick a few "safe" ones you enjoy. Personally I enjoy red rusker as he touches quite a few paraphilias but seems to be pretty normal. Further more in my opinion when is it not ok to engage in your paraphilia? This is the guide I use for myself: -Is it addicting and making my paraphilia stronger not tamping it down? disengage. -Does it encourage/glorify real acts and "making it real". disengage. -Is the content made with real acts, taken from real acts, or mimiced from real acts (like a scene for scene real event). disengage. -am I in an echo chamber where it seems that everyone around me is just okay with all content that comes through and wants to "take it a step further?" leave that group ideally. When I engage in content for a few of my paraphilias im aiming to normalize my attraction within myself (not shaming or guilt tripping myself), not engaging in any real acts or wanting to as well as overtime working to decrease intrusive thoughts to act ideally to 0, giving myself the confidence that i can identify fiction from reality. CNC, petplay, and breeding with BDSM partners have significantly decreased my paraphilia urges to "do the real thing". Some of my paraphilias like zoophilia havent had an urge to "act" in quite sometime now. I believe i was 15 when I had the last one. While Rape (victim not perpetrator for clarity) for me is something i'm still struggling with since its happened to me so often. I genuinely consider it in my day to day and plan 'in case' it happens. tips for managing paraphilias and experiences, With my rape paraphilia i've had "encounters" as recently as last year. Which means i'm far and away from seeing it as just "acting". As a victim this translates to doing wildly unsafe things from jumping in a strangers car or sudden hook ups with sketchy people. Because it's so "fresh" my compulsions are high. I've turned to a harder lean on BDSM to get the impulses out and play them out in a safe space which has helped quite a lot. I notice the more intense the scene typically the more it helps my impulse and makes me get a sense of control that I chose to do these things and now has a safe resource to seek out these acts without harming anything or anyone. on the flipside with zoophilia I never had any direct interaction with sexual animal abuse. I have met and been encouraged by bestialists to play with them which can be traumatizing but isnt a huge deal compared to the former. (in my personal eyes these are my experiences of course im judging lol) So I dont have a huge urge for compulsions. Typically I'm just playing out attraction for my zoophilia with no compulsions. I do this in roleplay or BDSM play like petplay. This dynamic of no pre-existing trauma or enocunters is much more chill and easy to maintain. The only thing I have to worry about is if a partner is encouraging actual acts or wants to share porn of real acts to me and normalizes it. That would be where i cut them off and say "no thanks!" Find a safe space where you can ethically voice your wants. It is greatly encouraged not to "just hold it in" because when you snap it often means doing the hardest thing possible. similar to drug abuse. If you are of course worried about your compulsions seek professional help. It never hurts to get a second opinion!

#afterdark #erokin #otherkin #therian #asks

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aayo-whatt · 1 year

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tagged by @herefortears thanks sm lovie, i love tag games

Your name: i typically go by 'aayo' online, but sometimes it's 'lucinda' (either or i don't mind-)

Your first fandom(s): uhh, in all honesty either Haikyuu, Harry Potter, or mcyt stuff- i honestly don't remember it was so long ago-

Your current fandom(s): Supernatural, Merlin, ACOTAR, TWD, Stranger Things, Throne of Glass, TGS, POTC, OUAT, Haikyuu and MHA

How did you first get into fandom? I've honestly got no idea- uhh, i just started watching/reading a bunch of series and one day i got bored and went searching (online) for someone i could rant to about everything, and who would understand what im going on about- (totally didn't started on wattpad-)

How long have you been engaging in fandom spaces? hmm, minimum five years, but it was really scattered and i didnt do much in the early days

How often do you read fanfics? not often enough, i try to read as many as i can, though i can almost never find the time to

Top three characters from your current fandom(s): Supernatural: gabriel, gadreel, charlie Merlin: gwaine, gwen, and merlin ACOTAR: helion, cassian (pfp), tarquin/mor TWD: glenn, maggie/carl, negan Stranger Things: robin, dustin, erica (OR eddie) Throne of Glass: fenrys, dorian, lysandra/aedion (cant choose 😭😭) TGS: rachel, hyde and lanyon for sure POTC: sobbing, i havent watched this in ages (minimum 5 years) i can barely remember these people- OUAT: regina, hook and henry Haikyuu: sakusa, suna anddd either tsumu or bokuto MHA: kaminari, kirishima, sero

Have you ever written fic for a fandom? God yes. So many that were so cringe and got abandoned, and even more that have never been published.

Have you ever drawn fanart for a fandom? Yes. Never posted, but yes.

Share a personal headcanon that you feel very strongly about: aedion has the manliset man bun you've ever seen there's more, but that's a big one for me

You’re trying to convince a friend to get into your current fandom(s) with you. what episode, clip, or scene are you showing them? idek- smth that either made me laugh so hard i nearly peed myself, smile so much my face hurt for hours afterward, want to punch [character/writer/director/whatever name] in the face so many times, or made me cry so much i could barely get out of bed days later

And finally, what does fandom mean to you? hmm, being able to all caps rant to someone about this thing you hated/loved in a fandom, or just being accepted by a group of people/person who you might not know irl, but consider family/really really good friends like holy fuck we're besties, i want to marry you platonically and we can adopt all of our blorbos even from fandoms we dont share we can all be one absolutely massive family that puts the fun in dysfunctional

(no pressure) tagging @aliens-took-my-iwa-chan @reverie-starlight @gay-destiel and anyone who'd want to join!

#why am i in so many fandoms holy fuck-

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ibolyafagyi · 1 year

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also crying cuz why didnt i submit my student film to that first film anim festival? a year and a half ago. suddenly my distrust in my own work is so painful. i havent drawn anything that i felt had weight since i finished tech school. i simply did not do anything with it bc i was afraid of adulthood. i even stopped ani altogether and focused instead of painting, partly to not even think about the opportunities that im throwing out the window.

ive had so little appreciation for my stuff in the context of communities and other people... i wish i pushed more. i wish i wish i wish. i wish i had people. its so hard. its no wonder its all so hard like this. its no wonder i feel stupid and empty and useless and cant draw even like i used to, let alone improve my stuff. cuz thats whats happening, ive kept waiting for my breakthrough and level up but this time its different, i just dont have any fuel left for making anything.

and im already thinking about how im gonna throw away my uni degree after im done with it, the very thing ive been working hard on since my last boat jump (and will for another 1,5 yrs). i do anything for a year or 2 at school and then im just tired of it. why are you like this! trying so hard and burning out so early. just before you would have any real rewards for your efforts.

i already feel this familiar emptiness, that okay i can understand and translate this text, i can read the literature and write an essay (/i can draw shit), im even good at it, but whats all this good for? its useless bc its me, im useless bc ill never do anything w this skill that im in the process of training. training for so long everyday w the expectation to do good, bc this is my purpose this is my "job" to do right now, but inside my motivation is withering away bc im giving up on using that skill bc i dont trust i can be an adult and do things in real life for real. of course i feel like shit. and my opportunities slip by bc i dont care enough for myself and my skills and values to grab them.

is it cuz everything is so easy for me and i dont ever have to do anything? i dont have to worry abt budgeting and groceries and cooking and cleaning and i have just abt no obligations or responsibilities for anything, anyone, not even myself. outside of doing good at school. i have no weight in this life. im overworrying bc i have no weight to comfortably push me down.

#i just wanna feel useful and independent

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curiouskurona · 2 years

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🎼🏰❤️‍🩹🗡️

🎼 Favorite song used in the show?

OOH man ,, well . tha theme song honestly ? mayhaps a basic answer but jdkflvkvlla it holds so much meaning to me , so ,,, ówò . ALSO THOUGH . swan lake / swan theme by Tchaikovsky . i mean ,, it maeks me mentholly iww for real djcjHSMKFKCLWKGLLVLA

🏰 Do you prefer the opening or the closing?

AAAH both r so beautiful !! i think i do prefer tha opening , but i do love tha closing as well . its so peaceful , which is nice wen you need to process an intense episode dkvklqkgkvllva

❤️‍🩹 Which heart shard tugs on your heart strings?

OUGH ,, i mean . tha shard itself or tha way it manifested ? or tha way it interacted with mytho ,, ? in any case , i think id have to go with Fear . that scene with mytho screaming and being carried out of the auditorium , and then what he says about tutu afterwards . its truly ,, yeah . ive drawn that scene before lol

🗡 Unpopular opinions that might get you killed?

i might truly be torn to shreds for this one ;;

TLDR; fakir is canonically an abuser and he sucks , i dont like him or fakiru . i would probably be moar forgiving about it if he got ANY sort of consequences ( narratively or through fandom perception ) for his actions , but instead ppl love to just gloss over what he did , so its maed me really bitter and indignant about it . as a trauma survivor myself ( who heavily relates to mytho ) its hard for me to look at fakir in a positive light , regardless of wether or not i can recognize his own traumas / understand why he did som of tha things he did

if you wanna hear my extended thoughts about this , theyre under tha cut !! almost wanted to hide everything under a readmoar bc i dont liek ppl being mad at me jjfkvkvllva but . well .

( abuse tw , and spoilers ? i talk vaguely abt fakirs position at the end of tha show , as well as a state that mytho is in ( hi if ur reading from discord we havent gotten to that part yet dkghkhjha but i tried to keep it vague ) . also i may be a little harsh skdjhfkda if im gonna get blacklisted from tha princess tutu fandom for this i may as well go all out )

i dont liek fakir , or fakiru . maybe id feel different about either if fakir got ANY sort of consequences , narratively or in fandom perception , for his actions . but nah ppl are happy to excuse and gloss over tha abuse he put mytho through to go " aaw look he and ahiru are so cute together " . ugh .

its whatever . i know its tha most popular ship in this fandom so ive kinda just gotta bite my tongue and deal with it / let it slide . a lot of great creators ship it unfortunately so im just liek . well im ignoring that jgkkblbla . i have it blacklisted though . rue and mytho also shouldnt have ended up together , by tha way . though i liek rue WAY moar than fakir

AND BEFORE YALL GET ON MY ASS im not saying no one is allowed to liek fakir or that no one is allowed to ship fakiru . but if we could please for tha love of goodness just . acknowledge . what fakir did to mytho . i mean shit tha guy barely gave mytho a half assed " sorry i guess " in the end , if that . iirc he didnt even apologize he just kinda said to no one in particular “ man i feel bad abt how i acted ” and then fucked off skfjhgkdrjhtba but i cant get my dvds out to double check rn

if he actually got some growth in that department , or if ppl in tha fandom didnt constantly kiss his ass , id maybe be moar forgiving about this . but seeing ppl fawn all over him just maeks me increasingly bitter . hes not some grumpy-but-cute lil emo boy tsundere , hes CANONICALLY AN ABUSER . he isolates mytho , hits him , manhandles him , gets in his face , yells at him , insults him , locks him in rooms , tells him not to listen to anyone else-- its textbook abuse that lasted long after fakir KNEW mytho was able to feel things again . ive reblogged analysis posts about this . its part of why i relate to mytho so much . how can ppl see that scene where hes pushing mythos face against a mirror going “ youre such a miserable wretch , i hate this face thats starting to feel things [ he KNOWS mytho has bits of his heart back at this point ] ” and go “ yeah this is fine , this is who im rooting for ”

and i know he has his own problems and traumas and i know hes also a kid , i know hes only . well ages are vague but ive always pictured them as liek 14-15 , maybe 16 . i know this . but again , seeing ppl fawn all over him just maeks me increasingly bitter about it . he gets off completely scott free without having to examine his actions or grow or apologize or anything . everyones just liek " yeah this is fine we dont even rlly liek mytho tht much anyways " ( out of tha main 4 , mytho gets tha least positive attention in tha fandom , which is really funny considering what a central character he is in tha show )

and yeah ppl change n whatever . wounds can heal , relationships can be mended . but fakir never tried to mend theirs . mytho never got any closure or an apology or anything and it just sucks so much . i mean yeah he got to tell fakir off as r!mytho during that one battle . but most of him being all * evil laughter * at fakir wasnt even him , you can see he doesnt even consider himself that person when hes staggering back to his dorm clutching his heart going “ what are you , who are you , whats goin on ” . mytho got to be a lil scoundrel to fakir as r!mytho but thats not tha saem as any meaningful acknowledgement / apology on fakir’s part

fakirs storyline , concerning mytho , p much boils down to " mytho and i used to be friends , but i grew to resent him . now im a coward who abuses mytho , but its okay bc he cant feel anything . oh shit hes getting his heart back ? well , im gonna keep abusing him anyways . aw man , ahiru is maeking me softer ,, i care about her ,, well !! im gonna go live my life without ever acknowledging or receiving any consequences for my past actions , bye !! " liek fuck off dkfklqjdkgklhlbla

its whatever . i guess by tha tiem tha end of tha show comes around , and mytho and fakir have both shifted to different places in tha story , ppl have forgotten all about what fakir has done and are happy to just not look back at that . but as someone who relates to mytho for many reasons , an important one being tha trauma we both went through , its not something i can forgive so easily . but i guess to most people its not that deep

#thank you !! ♡#abuse ment

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seravph · 3 years

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Hi, I didn't really know who to reach out for this question, but do you have any tips on how to find your own unique fashion style? I'm not really looking to hop on popular clothing trends on social media e.g. eboy/girl or cottagecore, so I'm not exactly sure where to start! I come to consult you because I've seen some of your posts and you look very well versed in fashion and you seem to know your own personal style. My wardrobe is very outdated and I would like to update it to reflect the truest expression of myself. Thank you 😊 You don't have to answer this if you don't feel like doing so btw 😅

EEEE more fashion asks i love these thank you!!!! warning this got a lil (very) long so its under the cut :^)

so first and foremost the most important part about curating your own style is to learn more about your body and what flatters/doesnt flatter it. it's learning some basic fashion 'rules' pertaining to proportions, cuts, etc. there are plenty of resources on this if you dont know where to start (kibbe body test, video, video) but keep in mind this step has nothing to do with your weight!!!! i could talk wayyy more about this but at the end of the day, some clothing is just more flattering for specific body shapes - that doesnt mean you cant wear something that isnt perfectly flattering, but knowing your body and knowing what flatters it will make you understand your own style and help guide the pieces you buy. fashion 'rules' arent necessarily meant to be followed, but just understood so that 'breaking' them is a conscious choice. (it also really helped with my insecurities???? like this step is basically recognizing that its not your body thats unflattering, its the clothing, if that makes sense???)

also remember that every 'style' works for every body type. i.e if you want to be a 60s vibe but youre too curvy for shift dresses, there are plenty of clothes in a similar style that would look great on you <3 basically, if you dont like the way a piece looks on you, you can still achieve the same vibe with a different article of clothing thats more flattering. but also umm.... you can just wear the unflattering thing if you want LOL if it makes you happy... then it becomes your own controlled decision <3 live love laugh follow your heart

okay. now that you have that out of the way. there are a million ways to develop a sense of style, and no particular order in which i recommend them. what i love doing is creating pinterest boards for the spring/summer or fall/winter seasons and just filling them with pieces i would wear in a perfect world. i dont mean like cottagecore aesthetic boards, just boards full of runway looks and clothing pngs that i like. i also love making little outfits for characters which can influence my own style. everyone thinks of their style differently; i think of my own outfits as little vignettes with narratives behind them, but other people are more concerned with just wearing things they think are pretty, other people view it as an expression of art or their identity, and other people just want to feel comfortable!!! its all up to you and what youre drawn to!!

one thing that tan france mentioned once was to go online window shopping by going onto the website for a brand you like (regardless of whether its affordable or realistic!) and just adding things to your cart that youre interested in. dont worry about how expensive they are or anything, and when youre done, remove all the items you like the least. and then keep reviewing and removing until you have just a handful of really nice items you really like, and keep doing this with other brands until you can identify common threads between the pieces you like. you dont have to buy them!! in fact maybe its better if you dont!!! and the websites dont have to be like zara or h&m ... go on balmain or chanel if you want, play pretend and have fun!!

re: the last bullet point, i think a big turn off for people in terms of fashion is the idea that you need to wear something palatable and 'appropriate.' its like looking at a runway and thinking "its nice, but i would never wear that in real life." but honestly????? in a perfect world i would be wearing full gowns to the supermarket!!!! if your ideal style is imaginative but unattainable, your style in practice will be a microcosm of it. basically... dream big... dont be afraid to 'overdress' if its what you like!! one of the best pieces of advice i ever got was from my aunt, who offered to by me a plastic tiara. i asked her when i was ever going to wear it irl, and she just looked at me and said "??? you can wear it whenever you want to!!" so true!!! wear a tutu to mcdonalds. wear a bedazzled tux to prom. who cares

accessories, nail polish, hair, jewelry, perfume and makeup goes a long way in developing style. i dont wear a ton of makeup, but just putting some color on my cheeks achieves a kind of sunkissed lovestruck vibe that i strive for. i paint my nails red because i think its chic or bright colors so they contrast with a toned down outfit. even wearing no accessories is an accessory in itself. accessorizing (or specifically not accessorizing) is like adding texture to an outfit imo

anything that advises you about 'absolutely necessary essentials everyone needs' is entirely wrong. there is no one size fits all; i.e everyone says you need one good pair of denim jeans, but i havent worn jeans in two years!!! an essential for ME is a pair of neutral wool shorts, but an essential for another person could be a thick knit sweater or for another person, a flannel. the idea that everyone needs a 'little black dress' or a 'basic white t shirt' is preposterous. YOUR essentials depend entirely on YOUR style. a pair of denim jeans is useless if you hate wearing jeans!!!!

as for my personal style, im mostly influenced by movies, books, songs, characters, feelings, colors, high fashion, and costumes. ultimately, you should worry less about what you want to be and worry more about what you already like. every piece i have kind of plays into some narrative ive constructed, or otherwise theyre all special to me :) if you want to update your wardrobe, dont feel the need to over consume fast fashion (or any fashion for that matter) to do so. if you take it slow and buy pieces you really love, every item will have a story and you'll begin to develop a more stable internal style and they'll last longer :)

let me know if you have questions or want me to talk more about any of this because i really love answering these kinds of questions!!!!!! especially the body type thing because thats such an important but long winded thing i couldnt really fit it all LOL

some more videos + resources about style and fashion i think are interesting:

deep dive into kibbe body types

pinterest aesthetics, fatphobia, and white washing

lies about clothes to unlearn in your twenties

studio ghibli: how clothing shapes identity

breakfast at tiffanys style analysis: the reinvention of onself with fashion

will the millennial aesthetic ever end?

go viral, post #spon, get canceled: how social media transformed fashion in the 2010s

analyzing the "is it a cute outfit or is she just skinny?" meme

#fashion talk

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zmayadw · 3 years

Text

Hello to all :)

Time for the next part!

Wish you all a wonderful evening! :)

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 13

We continued enjoying our time, as Aurora got more crowded with people. At some point Cleo showed up, coming to say hi to us, as she was here to meet with Hannah and the others . She had one drink with us before going to sit with them, telling how she is bussy helping her mom at the Gates of Hope with redecorating and other stuff, but she hopes all will be done soon, so we can finaly meet in peace. As it got more crowded with people, Phil was busy and also didnt have much time to have fun with us. Jessy was in a quite good mood, joking and drinking, it was nice seeing her like that.The music playing was good. There was a mixture of everything, from 80's till present day. A song started and Jessy grabbed my hand „Ohhh, lets dance, Maya, i love this song!“ I had no chance to say anything, as Jessy lead me half way to the dance floor already. She started dancing, and i couldnt do anythign but join her. And we had fun. I needed this, i tought, just some simple fun with good friends. Dan joined us from time to time, showing off his killer dancing skills. Phil was passing by us few times, going to one of the booths or tables, always winking at me with that devilish grin of his. One of the times, as Jessy and me wer dancing Phil came from behind me, wraping his free hand arround my waist and squeezing agains me. We just moved with the rhythm of the music for a while, before he groaned at my ear „Arghh, as much as i would love to stay here with you gorgeous, but work is calling.“ I grined at him, as he let go of me slowely „Aww, next time then.“ As much as i liked it, i hoped Jake didnt see this. I wouldnt want him to get the wrong idea about Phil and me. I really wanted to know where i stand with him, but this noncomunication between us wasnt helping. Lily told me to be patient, but as i told Jessy, my patiance is running short. I leaned to Jessy telling her i need to go sit down for a while, and we returned at the bar. Dan and Thomas wer there talking, and both got up from the stools letting us sit as we came. Thomas smiled at us „You two really got it going on tonight.“ He turned to Dan saying teasingly „You better be careful,man, and keep her close to you“ He pointed at Jessy „They wer smoking hot on the floor, dont let someone steel her.“ Jessy grined at Thomas „Let him sweat a little, he might appriciate me more then.“ „Awww, babe, dont be cruel, you know i appriciate you.“ Dan told her, being dramatic as always, making a puppy face. „Ohh, shus it, you big goof, and lets dance.“ She told him, taking him by the hand to the dance floor. Thomas turned to me „So, can i presume all is good between Lily and you now?“ „I guess you can.“ I told him, and he smiled „Thats good to heare.“ A waiter came with two drinks, handing them to Thomas. „Guess then soon we can all get together again, without any drama.“ „Definatly!“ i said, smiling. He smiled back „Good. Well, have fun, Maya, see you arround.“ I waved at the waiter asking for a mineral water, i was really thursty from all the dancing. I checked my phone, it was after 3, and i noticed a missed call sign. I opened the call log, and when i saw it was another of those hidden numbers, my mood darkened all of a sudden. What is going on here, i touhgt, thess calls are starting to get me worried. Jessy and Dan returned from dancing, and i decided i had enough for the night. This thing shook me up good, and i doubted i could enjoy the evening anymore. I told Jessy i'd be going, to wich she protested a bit, but hugged me and said to call her for coffee any time im up for it. I took my things, waving them goodby. As i was near the entrance, i saw Phil, so i waved at him, he winked and made a phone gesture with his hand, suggesting we'll be talking soon.

As i left the Aurora, cool night air washed over me, so i put my jacket on. I got to my car, just leaning on the side of it, my mind still thinking of those damn calls. They are starting to freak me out a bit, and that sinister feeling started to creep up to me again. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, when a voice said „Are you ok?“ I opened my eyes, seeing Jake standing infront of me. I managed to barely make a smile at him „Yeah, im fine.“ He was looking at me, those deep eyes scaning every inch of my face, like he knew what i said wasnt true. „Just tired, i guess.“ I added, giving him a bit bigger smile, wich seemed to make him belive me. He leaned on the car next to me, and we just stood there in silence for a while. I get restless every time im close to him, my hands itch to just grab him and pull him closer. „You look good, by the way.“ He said after a while, giving me a shy look. His words snaped me from my fantasizing, and i smiled and winked at him „Thanks, glad you noticed.“ „Ofcourse i did, i do have eyes, you know.“ He said teasingly. I turned towards him making a gesture of bevilderment as i said „Oh my, he can joke!“ „I try my best.“ He said, smiling. Oh that beautiful smile, i tought again, making me smile, too. „You going back in?“ he asked. „No.“ I started „I'm actualy contemplating should i walk or drive back to the motel.“ „And how's that going for you?“ he asked, raising an eyebrow at me. „Well, considering im still standing here doing non of the above, i would say not good.“ I replied, sighing desperatly. He chuckled at me „Hmm, well, how about I drive you back to the motel?“ I looked at him surprised, not really expecting it „You would do that?“ He smiled shyly at me „I would“ pausing a bit, before adding „For you.“ My heart started beeting like crazy, and i could feel heet comming to my cheeks. This night really is interesting. „Umm, well, sure, i'd like that.“ I told him. „But, you dont mind walking back again?“ i asked. „No, its fine.“ „Alright then, lets go.“ I told him, taking my keys out of my purse handing them to him. Our palms touched as i gave him the keys, and our eyes met. He moved his hand slowly away, taking the key, giving me goosebumps. I barely glued myself of the car to let him get in. I got in myself as he started the car and we drow from the Auroras parking. It wouldnt take us long to the motel, and i wished the ride wasnt that short. I noticed he was driving slower then you would normaly drive, as if sharing my toughts himself. I felt nervous, my head was blank, i didnt know what to say. All of a sudden, a tought crossed my mind. „Hey, Jake, can i ask you something?“ „Sure.“ He said, sounding relieved the awkward silence got broken. „Well, i just tought, i havent had a chance to ask you before. Wern't you in some kind of trouble, if im not mistaken?“ i paused before continuing. „I mean, we never discussed it any further. And since you're here at Duskwood for quite some time now already, i was just wondering what's up with all that.“ „You're right“ he started, glancing shortly at me, focusing back on the road „Short version: lets say i made a deal with some people, making sure i'll be left at peace.“ „A deal“ i started „You didnt threaten anyone, or something like that?“ „What?“ he said, „Ofcourse not! What made you ask that?“ „Hey, its a legit question.“ I told him, rising my hands up. „You can understand why a tought like that might cross my mind.“ He was silent for a moment before saying „Ok, fair enough. But, no, i didnt threaten anyone, if that makes you feel better.“ „It does. I just dont want for things to get complex for you again.“ I said, adding after a little pause, my voice getting a bit sadder „Or you dissapearing again.“ He looked at me with such tenderness, slowing the drive even more now „Dont worry, Maya, i'm not going anywhere.“ I smiled at him „Good.“ He turned his head, focusing on the road again, and i realized we came at the motel. He parked close to my room. Neither of us was eager to leave the car, so we just sat there in silence for a moment. I had a felling he wanted to say something, but wasnt sure about it. I finaly managed to force myself to leave the car. I was about to pull the door handle, when Jake suddenly said „Wait.“ I turned towards him. „Can i ask you something now?“ „Sure“ i said, even tho i had a feeling i wouldnt really like the question. He got all nervouse, but finaly asked „You and Phil.. is there something happening?“ Oh,no,no,no, i tought, why he had to ask it. The night would end perfectly without this. I groaned pleadingly at him „Ugh, can we not talk about Phil now, please.“ „Why not?“ he asked, and i noticed his nervousness intensifing. „Because i dont know what to tell you, Jake.“ „How about the truth?“ he said. „I cant do that.“ He looked at me confused „Why not?“ „Because i myself dont know what the truth is.“ I groaned, leaving the car. He left the car, closing the door and walking over to me handing me the keys „What do you mean?“ „I mean, i'm a mess, Jake.“ I started „I dont know what to think any more. You want the truth? Fine. Yes, i like Phil, i cant denie it. We clicked, i feel good arround him, thats the truth.“ My words stung him, and he barely managed to say „I see.“ He leaned with his back against the car, steadying himself. But i wasnt finished yet. „And then there's you, Jake“ i started, my voice full of compassion and tenderness. He looked at me, his eyes meeting mine. „I like you, too. I like you so much, that it hurts.“ I paused a bit before i continued. „Im drawn to you like a magnet, i cant pull off. But, its like, every time the magnets are about to connect, one switches polarity and the other is thrown aback. Its driving me insane! With Phil, everything flows easy. But with you, its everything but easy.“ „Maya, i know i'm not the easiest person..“ he started to say, but i held my fingers to his lips, not leting him speak.They wer so soft and warm, i had to focuse hard on what i wanted to say. „I know, its not easy for you to open up, to let people in. I get it. And i know i said i can wait, that i'll be patiente. But my patiance is fading. I dont know how much longer i can go on like this, Jake. Its tearing me up inside.“ As i said it, i leaned my forehead to his, putting both of my arms to his chest,leaning against him. We just stayed like that for a while. Being this close to him, and the warmth of his body radiating - i felt serene. His heart was beeting fast, probably matching mine. I could stay like this forever, i tought, but i needed to continue. I was waiting for this, to finaly tell him what was on my mind. „I need to know what might be of us.“ I said „If there even exists the posibility of 'us'.“ We stayed like that for a while more, non of us daraing to move or speak, before i slowely pulled away from him. I sighed „You dont have to say anything now. Just, think about what i said. You know where to find me if you want to talk.“ I leaned to him, giving him a kiss on the cheek „Good night, Jake. Thanks for the ride.“ I turned walking slowly towards my room, when i heard him say „Good night, Maya, sweet dreams.“ I turned back, not stopping in my steps, giving him one more smile, him smiling back. I hoped me opening up like this will make him finaly understand the depths of my feelings. I knew there was a posibility he might not feel the same, but i didnt care of it now. I did what i could, i told him how i feel, now he holds all the cards. I unlocked my door and entered the room, kicking my boots off, throwing myself on the bed. What an interesting night it was, i tought smiling, covering myself with blanket and letting sleep take over me.

#duskwood #duskwood fanfic #duskwood jessy #duskwood dan #duskwood mc #duskwood jake #duskwood aurora

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cosmosrival · 4 years

Note

Rico besides Kama what do you think about the other indian servants?????

AHHHHHHHHHH THIS IS GOING TO GET SOOOO LONG!!!! i have a different view of the indo fam as a whole. i call them the indo fam but i mean the found family trope!!!! theyre like a group of college students sharing a dorm if that makes sense, since their servant selves are obviously different from their initial myths/human vessels!!!

OK SO. RECENTLY, i have an oomf that found books about arjuna that summarize his exploits in the mahabharata(I DONT HAVE THE STRENGTH TO READ IT ALL IM SO SORRY) and also talk about him in a more philosphical manner such as his states of mind during each event etc and i’ve been meaning to read said book because im genuinely interested in arjuna now!!! and i’d like to know more about this indo prince because from what i’ve seen, he is portrayed in a rather bad light(?) in FGO which i find extremely !!!!!!!!!!! and incrdibley !!!!!!! strange !!!!!!! the mahabharata’s conflicts can be put in a mostly grey area where there’s no good nor bad, its not black and white. so seeing arjuna get bashed because of the way his conflict with karna was written is... hm. let’s say that im REALLY starting to understand arjuna fans that dislike seeing him get mischaracterized so much. OTHER THAN THAT, his design is adorable, his travel outfit is my favourite because he deserves to relax and have some fun!!! fgo making him a chuuni is cute and his VAs little moans are cute cute cute!!!!!!!!!!! (mash grabs my shoulder and forces me to sit down) i think that arjuna deserves better and im really happy to see him have fun in his travel costume voicelines. i think we should take arjun on a date!!! he’s a great lover, we’d have the best time!! OH ALSO, kama seeing him as the student council president in their interlude makes me SOOOOOOO HAPPY its unreal, i think it fits him very very well, the seitokaichou who was elected because of everyone’s hopes and recommended by teachers because he’s suuuch a good student but because of that, the pressure to be good is constantly towering over his head and everytime he looks out the window he wishes he could ditch class and skip a day just because he felt like going to the arcade and be a bad student.......just this once........i think hes very very cute...... i want him to cook for me. HAVE YO U READ HIS BOND 4 VOICELINE ?mmmmmggg i want him to get embarrassed everytime i praise him for having such a muscular waistline. AUG

ANEWAYS i also have quite the thoughts about karna, his characterization in the game is linked to arjuna’s and thats fine but i think that forgetting how much of a little sassy bastard he can get was a mistake! did you know that in apocrypha’s german dub on netflix, when jeanne calls his name like “You’re Karna, aren’t you ? The son of the Indian Sun God !” HES LIKE “So ?” AND THAT WAS SOOOO BITCHY OF HIM, i think that karna is a good boy in fgo but the fact that he was such a fighty old man in the mahabharata shouldnt be forgotten and is a charm trait. I MEAN ???? HE THREW HANDS WITH AN 18 YEAR OLD(ARJUN) WHILE BEIN LIKE... THIRTY TWO. WHATS WITH THIS ANNOYING OLD MAN !!!!! knowing these little facts about him made me like him so much more actually !! i think karna being so nice is adorable!! but the little bitchy energy u can find in his voicelines is also very charming!! i think karna looking at me emotionless as i ask him to lend me his notes for the nth time that week and then saying “...Mn.” when i thank him is cute!!! his voiceline towards things he dislikes is interesting to me. karna seeming aloof and mean bc he doesnt know how to communicate but is actually nice underneath...... hey... thats a little delinquentcore........ i wouldnt say yankii but hes like... hes like... u know hes the handsome quiet one of the group of yankiis... u know the one...? hey where are you going

ganesha is also a character im deeply interested in but i havent played CCC so i dont know that many details about jinako herself !! my brain goes HMMMMMM it seems lord ganesha is trans in fgo ! (since kama used to be a male god originally as well!!) ganesha uses all pronouns!!! and ganesha is also special to me because they share similar traits with kama when it comes to their characterization AND mischaracterizations. ganesha isnt JUST jinako. theres a part of a god in the servant mix!!! and jinako HERSELF is actually a pretty sad character imo. the whole otaku/neet thing is obviously a facade and her true wish being that she wants to redo her whole life is also proof of how much she hates what shes become, yet at the same time, she doesnt know what else she could do. but anyways, i prefer looking at servants from a lore POV so i think that ganesha should still be considered a god and be adressed as such!! i like seeing people portray ganesha as jinako but i prefer it when a certain lavish more godly side of them is put forward. a side of jinako that managed to move on a little bit if that makes sense ? that got more serious. and became someone else entierly despite sharing similarities. needless to say their bond with karna makes me happy since he shows them respect as you should towards a god!! its a bit different from their bond in CCC... like they matured somewhat!! anyway ganesha is the one who taught everyone else in the indo fam about video games and technology and i will NEVER shut up.

ashwatthama..... MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM %_’(’ç_”’è_ç(è_’”545656455456545453£¨¨µ¨µMµ¨++°=)=)°+ goodness. jesus christ on earth. my love story with him makes me so embarrassed. when he got revealed i instantly fell in love with him despite knowing JACK SHIT ABOUT HIM but since i was the only one in my friend group who was hardcore into fgo at the time, i kept my love for him to myself and just... (looks away)(i drop my wallet full of picturses of him) quietly adored his everything in silence. WELL, ree having an intense crush on yankii type characters isnt new, its been my favourite trope for ages (gyarus go in hand with them!!) and im still very attached to it so thats what made me love him in the first place!!!! BUT THEN. I GOT INTO HIS MAHABHARATAN LORE. And OHHHHHHHHH BABY.......... (im twirling my hair) so theres this 7ft tall war criminal..........<3<33<3(mash leans in and informs me that the convention of geneva didnt exist at the time) SO THERES THIS 7 FTTALL IMMORTALMAN.......<233 gOD he makes me absolutely CRAZY9909840385%£%%£%%µ%µ%µ the love i have for this character is immense and whenever im sad i remember that pako exists and has a tablet and can draw and i suddenly feel so much better. ok im gonna stop horny posting a little bit. but hes my wife. AND WHAT I LOVE ABOUT HIS PORTRAYAL IN FGO IS THAT, they actually made him a good boy despite his initial roughness and misdeeds ???!!! HELLO?? ashwatthama wishing for a redemption ark is my favourite thing and his righteousness that was born because of his regrets is a very interesting drivepoint to me !!! hes a gorgeous character and im buying a ticket plane as we speak right now so i can go find him in northern india. i’ll find him. GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME !!!!!GET OFF ME !!!

miss lakshimi makes me very sad! because every female servant in the indo fam is an already known face. (... would sita count.) and lakshi being a jeanneface is a waste. well, she’s still very pretty and her lore is also quite interesting!! i havent looked into it fully yet but i think she should be kissed on the mouth. her bad luck makes me slip on a banana peel whenevr i get close to her to kiss her and i hit my head on the pavement and pass away-

parvati is on a tough spot for me atm. i genuinely love thinking of her as the way the indian goddess herself is portrayed because thats where the fun lies for me in her character. especially when shes involved with other indian servants, thats a given!! i would like to see parvati grow, suffer and heal. because branding her as an “all-knowing mom” is easy, but every single parent makes mistakes if you follow that logic. also, since shes the sakura servant “thats closest to her initial personality”, she’s got some of the most Repulsive fans ive Ever witnessed in fandom spaces and lets say that im trying to work my way out of this hellhole and find things to like about parvati without the fandom’s influence. needless to say, im going to keep looking into her mythos and her lore by myself at my own pace and keep doing my own thing in my little corner.

rama shouldve been a jock. THE RAMAYANA IS OLDER THAN THE MAHABHARATA, WHY IS.....Hrm well him being summoned as his baby version gives me hope for a future rama alt perhaps??? but i think that he shouldve been a total jock and he shouldve been huge with a huge red lion-like mane for his hair and a teethy grin and big biceps and intense love for his wife. SPEAKING OF SITA, her charm point is her purity but i wish.... that their artist still hadnt drawn them like That, im not a fan of lily servants and i think purity = being young is a bit of an annoying excuse!!! rama and sita looking similar is because of their shared history which is fine but... rolls my eyes............. rama shouldve been 6ft tall and sita shouldve been a milf to match...... anyways i doubt ravana would be added as a servant but i’d love to have a ramayana centric event!! where all indo servants have their own lore centric role to play!!! oh thatd be a dream.... but i have learned to not expect much from a fanservice game so im jus gonna draw my own stuff! (strikes a pose!) (mashu claps!)

#answered #long post #SORRY FOR THE BIG SCROLL.

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illusionlockarchive · 5 years

Text

pazam: a mess, truly a mess

so i usually dont do these kind of posts, i guess you could say its a call out of some sort? but i never liked that word, i prefer rather to just compile sources on WHY people would believe that a certain person is not truly as nice and understanding as they seem. consider this more of a psa post, detailing on whats going on with pazam on the sfm community, why so many people are against them.

So, a while back, tumblr user jymble made a post on the main tag stating that pazam was transphobic. they linked back to this post, which contains screenshots of pazam in a group chat stating that they do not feel comfortable with the idea of trans people. now, this did happen 9 months ago, true. however, for the record, pazam is already an adult, 24 years old, so they should have some tact. and as further and more recent events will show, they actually havent changed that much at all, at least not as they claim.

the screenshots should be in the post, but here is a transcript

[Screenshot one]

Pazam:

What????? Why?????

I literally HAVE NOT been doing ANYTHING malicious to them

And if it did I apologized

Yes I do have discomfort about them but I keep it to myself

Why are you doing this????

[End screenshot one]

‘Them’ here refers to trans people in general. Notice the defensive and victimizing stance they almost immediately take upon being confronted about their feelings on trans people.

[Screenshot two]

elliott:

of COURSE you dont

sammaku:

Like specifically

Elliott hush

Pazam:

This whole concept of transness and changing your gender physically

I hate to say it again but it weirds me out and it makes me question my own gender which flings me into anxiety, depression, and obsession

sammaku:

Its fine to not understand but are you willing to learn about it

Pazam:

I don’t want to talk about this anymore

sammaku:

That depression anxiety and obsession just comes with gender issues

(the rest of the text is cut off)

[End Screenshot two]

notice once summaku asks them if they would at least be willing to learn about it, pazam immediately deflects it by saying they dont want to talk about it anymore.

[Screenshot three]

Pazam:

Seriously??? That’s all it takes????

Wow I’m a moron

I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused to you

@.aziraphale @.elliott @.sammaku

I just don’t get this stuff period

And I’ve gotten into trouble with this stuff before

I’ll probably never understand it for the rest of my life but I’ll try to be more tactful around y’all

Especially since you’re all young

And I’m like an adult

[End screenshot three]

While at first this would seem like they had finally learned their lesson and apologized, the things they add on after the @s become quickly worrying. Not only do they admit to ‘have gotten into trouble with this stuff before’, meaning they have probably shown their transphobia in other places and been called out, but they also stand firmly on the fact that they will never understand it or ‘get’ it.

And of course, as jymble points out, the implication that the people they were talking to were only acting like that because they were young.

A while after this post was made, Pazam had posted an apology, and went onto contact jymble asking for the post with the evidence of their transphobic to be taken down. The reason? They were afraid people would see it and think they were still transphobic and not give them a chance.

In this more recent post, you can see the conversation play out between Pazam and jymbles. Long story short, Pazam feels that it’s unfair that that post is still up after they apologized, and jymble of course said they would rather not take it down, people deserve to know what they did and take their own conclusions, even if that involves avoiding them. How does Pazam respond? By flat out deleting the apology post. I’d love to show the apology post to give you both sides of the story but I cannot anymore, because Pazam in a very bizarre move just deleted it because they got mad a trans blogger wouldn’t take down their post with proof.

Here’s the transcript of the screenshots:

[Begin Conversation]

rebloggidy (Pazam’s personal):

I’m by no means transphobia-free after learning what I’ve done but at least I know my actions and am making an effort to be a better person towards trans people.

rebloggidy:

Hi again. So I hate to be that person but would it be ok if you took down that post about the transphobia claims? I know it took me 9 months to apologize but if people only see your side of the story and not realize the post I saw they’ll take it out of context and still think I’m transphobic. Do you understand?

jymble:

... i already told you im not taking down the post.

[jymble sends a screenshot of her own message in a previous conversation, the screenshot reads as follows:

however, i dont think im taking the post down, nor am i entirely comfortable with you interacting with me either. people deserve to know how you acted with this stuff, until youre really and truly *better* with it instead of just trying, and i was a direct target of it]

jymble:

you oughright told me "im by no means transphobia-free", word for word sorry, but i told you before. im not taking the post down.

rebloggidy:

I remember that. But what I'm trying to say to you is that if people who read it out of context will immediately think I'm still transphobic without the other side of it (my comment)

And I don't want people to think that in the future

jymble:

if people make assumptions without looking at the entire situation, thats on them

i am not deleting the post and thats final. people have a right to know what youve done, and they have a right to be uncomfortable

rebloggidy:

I'm ready to take down my post because frankly, I'm sick and tired of having to justifiy something that I did 9 months ago, and that people grow and learn even not 100% during that time and I'm ready to move on.

I'm still into smile for me and feel free to make a blacklist of my name so anybody who rbs my work on your dash can have it hidden or something.

Take care.

[End conversation]

a lot to unpack here, but perhaps most notable is when jymble simply stands her ground and tells pazam she wont take down the post, pazam straight up decides, without being told to or anything, that they should take down their apology. later on, they made a post stating why they deleted the post, and saying they had ‘been forced to’.

I also would love to link it here, but as of now of writing this, like, not even an hour or so after I had seen that post, it got deleted. The only memory I have of it is a conversation I had with my boyfriend about Pazam, in which I copypasted a fragment from that post that read:

“ So for those wondering where the apology post went, I was forced to delete it. I wanted to archive it in some way so I could pull it up for reference, but there was no way I could. Also I didn’t really want to see it every time on my blog because quite honestly it’s upsetting to look at.”

There are some lies and twisting of truths here. Pazam wasn’t forced to delete it, they decided they should do it as a way to somehow get back at jymble. And the excuse that it was upsetting for them to look at is just inexcusable, what matters most, letting people know of what youve done and that youre sorry, or just never addressing the situation?

But, well, I’m just hoping you’ll take my word for it. As you see, Pazam has officially deleted ANY traces of acknowledging this situation on their blog.

This worries me. If Pazam is truly as concerned that they will be seen as transphobic as they claim, why are they deleting anything that could give them a chance of showing their own side of the story?

Now, that is the end, for now, of Pazam’s history with transphobia. However! It is not the end for some other very shady things.

Namely, Pazam has consistently whitewashed characters from Smile For Me, specially Kamal, and when called out on it, simply deletes the asks.

Want to know how I know this?

I sent them an ask myself. I had come across this picture of Boris and Kamal:

And I knew that this wasn’t right. I can understand using light colors and doing watercolor, but if they can make Boris’ hair brown and vivid enough, why not Kamal? He looks like another character completely, or like he’s deathly sick!

So I sent them an anonymous ask, perhaps a bit exhasperated, true, and my wording could be better. It went something like: “i am begging you to draw kamal with darker skin”.

I waited, checked. But nothing came of it. They never answered it.

Pazam flat out ignored when they were told they had drawn a canonically brown man with skin way too light. Not even a lone text post saying ‘hey anon, i dont agree with you’ or ‘hey anon im sorry it wont happen again’. Nothing. No word, no opinion.

And with this situation going on with them evading responsibility, I can’t say I’m fully surprised.

And, yet another thing. People had expressed concern over the fact they had drawn their Flower Kid, who is 17, in very intimate and close positions with Dr. Habit. It included nuzzling faces, cuddling in bed together, wearing his coat...

And they did hear the claims this time. As of now, their Flower Kid is 24, according to them.

Except... They do not look 24. At. All.

this is a 12 year old. at best. short body, stubby legs, big head. those are all attributes of a very young character, usually children. like, legitimately, thats how childrens anatomy is in real life. the younger the person, the bigger their head is in proportion to their body.

We have already had an adult trying to justify drawing their flower kid who barely looked like an adult if at all in intimate situations with Habit. Let’s not let it slide by again.

And yes, I’m aware Pazam claims that those pictures were not supposed to be interpreted as romantic, ‘only platonic fluff’ and that they intend to keep it that way, but I have talked to my boyfriend who is a survivor and he said it very well could be a case of someone just trying to cover their tracks.

BUT, all that being said, maybe this one particular instance could be just us being wary. Still, it does not diminish all that they have done, specially ignoring the whitewashing claims.

What you are going to do with this information, I do not know. Maybe you don’t care and will keep reblogging their content. Maybe you’re disgusted by them. But I’m just here to give you the facts. Personally though, I’m not willing to give them much of a chance after the way they’ve behaved. They are 24 years old, three years older than me, and I think I could do a better job of handling a situation like this, frankly.

#don't be scared. i am here with you.#smile for me #smile for me game

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slut-for-fandoms · 5 years

Text

Paint me yours (kth x reader) PART 1

Pairings: Artist!Taehyung x reader

Genre: smut, fluff, angst (in the following chapters)

Summary: You are an art college student who struggles with finances. Until one day, on an exhibition of the arising artist Kim Taehyung, when the same boy offers you a job as his model. Would it be just a simple job or would it complicate your life in ways you have never thought it would?

Warnings: none in this one (perhaps my bad writing and lots of mistakes?)

A/N: So here is the first chapter. I really don’t know what to think about it as i haven’t written anything in more than a year (so sorry guys but now I am back, yey) I really do hope you like it and please let me know what you think and whether you would like to be tagged in the series ♥ Enjoy

Euphoria. Excitement. Happiness. Exaltation. A complete symphony of colors and emotions. Blue, purple, violet, azure - blended in such a way that glues you to the masterpiece. At places it seems unfinished, raw, as though the creator has been in a hurry. But at the same time it is so detailed that you wonder how long it took him to create it. It represents a woman, or to be more precise, a young girl. Long hair composed with ochre, amber, honey and a hint of gold, covers half of her pale face. Her lips are the perfect combination of red, cheery, wine and auburn. An orderly chaos of colors.

While everything seems just as raw painting, the most capturing features are the eyes. They are so detailed and express the condition of the girl. The sparks that make her look tangible grabs you on a roller coaster of thoughts and feelings and somehow makes you even experience the same state. I move to the next painting.

Sadness. Affliction. Pain. Torment. The contrast between the used shades is much deeper. Pale yet dark. The more I look at it, the more it captivates me. All of the creations I saw were beyond amazing, complete masterpieces but this one… This one is different. One look and I got this strange feeling in my guts when we anticipate something bad, something that might hurt us.

The background is composed of dark shades, while the girl is sculpted of the pale range of colors. Again, the most detailed parts are the eyes. You get the feeling as if a soul was trapped inside the drawn girl that shows how much she suffers. The more you contemplate, the more you assume that the darkness around her represents the cruel world, while the bright yet shaded colors shows how fragile and broken she is. Is it from the world? What destroyed her? Who made her look like a shattered vase which parts are no longer going to form its beautiful shape?

Holding my glass of champagne I took some steps back and sat on the settee opposite the painting. Thanks god it wasn’t that low as they use to be in other galleries. I crossed my legs which caused the hem of my black dress to roll up slightly. As an art student, I tend to visit many exhibitions in order to get inspiration, gain knowledge of the new and unorthodox styles and improve mine. I can’t say I am complaining as we are given free access to any kind of such events. This is beyond amazing as now I am contemplating the art of one of the rising artists – Kim Taehyung. Honestly, I have never seen him but the critics consider him the new Van Gogh and now I understand why.

When I came I was so uneven about it, all the people here were rich and classy and I, a broken student with a cheap dress borrowed from her friend, had no place here. Everything was out of my league and I felt like garbage disfiguring this place.

“You seem really immersed into the picture.”, someone chucked, bringing me out of my thoughts. I looked up and saw man in golden suit and two glasses of champagne in his hands. His smile was so bright, genuine, that it made me blush slightly, “May I?”, he titled his head towards the settee as if asking if it was free.

“Ye- yeah, of course”, I stuttered and put a lock of fallen hair behind my ear.

His smile grew bigger and he took the free seat next to me.

“Here.”, he gave me one of the glasses. I looked up at him confused, “I saw that you have already finished yours so…”, I looked at my glass which was empty. I might have stayed there for a way longer time that I have thought. I left the glass on the floor next to the settee.

“Thank you.”, I gave him a smile, although inside I was feeling embarrassed, “Very fond of you.”, I said after taking the offered glass.

“Well, I just wouldn’t have forgiven myself if I have left such a beautiful lady sitting here by her side. The champagne was just an excuse to approach you.”, I bit my lip and tried to hide myself due to the blush that crept on my face.

“You are even more appealing when blushing.”, okay, I have never believed I could become so red but here I am.

“Please, stop.”, I stuttered through the smile that just grew bigger on my face.

“Why?”, he tilted his head and asked me with that sweet smirk still placed on his face, his eyes never leaving my figure, “you don’t like honest people?”, as a response I chuckled and tried to gain my dignity and look at him. Why was I such a blushing mess around this… stranger…a handsome stranger?

“It is just that you are the first one to approach me this evening.”, a slight feeling of sadness made my stomach turn as I recall the events, pardon, the lack of them from this night. I started playing with my hands as something as pity overwhelmed me.

“Well-”, his deep baritone voice made me look at him. This time he was facing the painting in front of us which gave me the opportunity to survey him. Soft pink lips, sweet roundy nose, medium long light eyelashes. Skin in the color of bronze and a golden suit that make him look like a god. Aristocratic hands with long fingers, adorned with rings. The way he is holding the glass gives you the thoughts that a prince is sitting oppose you, “It is their lose.”, he states after locking his eyes with mine. And then I’m completely lost. They are just like the sad girls’ in the paintings – full of emotions. I see the same spark that leads directly to his soul. It captivates you. There is love, care, tenderness that make my heart skips a beat. But also you can spot something wild and intriguing. An abyss of feelings kept locked deep inside.

He took a sip of his champagne which caught my attention and made me break the eye contact. How could such a simple action as drinking makes me wanna grab the brushes and paint this gorgeous creature on the canvas?

“I can’t say I am complaining of that.”, I followed his movements and took a taste of my drink, “They seem like they are here only for talking. All of them are just chit-chatting and just at times spare a glance at the paintings. It – It just looks like a gathering of the rich and bitchy class.”, suddenly he burst into laughing. Oh that sound… It was like a soft melody for my years I could listen to all day. It was so infectious and addicting.

“What?”, I asked confused but with a smile plastered on my face.

“I couldn’t have said it more correctly. I’ve met everybody in the gallery and yet you are the only one contemplating the works.”

“Isn’t that what we are supposed to do on an exhibition? But apart from that, these paintings, these masterpieces…”, I took a breath like looking at the sad girl opposite me, “they are captivating. There is life in them, there is soul. Undoubtedly the artist is one of the best I’ve ever come across. Many have the ability to draw, few have the talent to create a masterpiece, something that makes you stop and think. And these here, they indeed convey more than a hundred words.”

“And where do you think that comes from?”, he asks me in that deep voice of his. I turn my attention back on him to see the man already looking at me with a stern expression showing nothing.

“The ability to make a painting live?”, he nodded his head in agreement, “Pain.”

“Pain?”

“Pain. It is always the pain. Why do you think the greatest artists are those who have suffered the most? Sadness, sorrow, ache, agony… they are different than the other feelings. When something good happens to you, you are happy for a short moment. Usually those moments tends to be forgotten way easier than the moments that our soul was in pain. It is just that the affliction we bottle inside us ruins us in the end. The knots in our stomach, the suffocating feeling in our chest… they are tormenting us and we all need a way to express them somehow, to try to get them out of us. And the answer is always the art. It doesn’t matter whether it would be with a brush or a pen in our hands, if we are going to compose a poem, song or just draw something. We just want the pain away. For its tight fist around our hearts to weaken, for its dark thoughts to leave us at peace at night, for the tears to stop rolling down and choke us.”, I paused in order to take a sip of my champagne, feeling his eyes following my movements, “That is one of the reasons why I like this one so much.”, I continued pointing at the work before us, “It look as if not only the model had been sad, but also the artist.”, when I turned around he had a sad smile on his face. For a moment I saw the abyss – full of sorrow and regret, pain and affliction.

“You can’t be more right.”, and once again, as he looked up, the door to his soul closed with that stern expression, “That is why I don’t know whether I like this work or not.”

“It recalls a bad event?”

“It recalls the day I painted her.”

My eyes were so wide that surely they were going to pop out of my head. I opened my mouth, then close it, then opened it again. I was so shocked that I could say nothing.

“I still remember how heartbroken she was.”

“You- you are the artist?”, my voice raised an octave higher and I cursed myself.

“Surprised?”, he asked smiling at my shocked expression.

“You just caught me off guard.”

And then the rest of the night kind of slips my mind. I don’t really know how long we’d been talking through various topics. Whatever felt like hours had only been half an hour once I saw the watch on my hand.

“Unfortunately, as a host, I need to make a speech. It was nice to meet you -”

“(Y/N)!”, answering I took his hand as he helped me get up from the settee.

“(Y/N).”, he said tasting my name and I could not miss the way his tongue rolled and the deep voice that sent shivers down my spine, “A beautiful name for a way more gorgeous girl.”

“Why are you trying to make my blush so hard?”, I asked trying to hide my face.

“I don’t know. I just like it.”, he shrugged with a smile, “Can I ask you something, (Y/N)?”, is it just me or he just lowered his voice on purpose while saying my name.

“O-Of course.”, out of nervousness I started playing with my own hands which only made his smirk grow bigger.

“Would you like to be my model, darling?”

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unkindrewind · 5 years

Text

L A W S

* Charlie, his setting, and plot were all developed and conceived by myself and Bunny @gcrefxed / @killerxquccn. While we’re totally fine with others adding their characters into the setting / plot, it must be discussed first by either Bunny or myself. Theft will not be tolerated and WILL be called out.

* Unless it's something applicable to our muses collectively, Please reblog memes or posts in general from the source. I'm not a resource blog and if treated as one, especially by blogs who never interact, I will soft block.

* I will NOT interact with blogs that use youtubers, social media influencers, or anime / drawn characters for their Fcs. Nothing against you, it’s just not my thing.

* I will BLOCK personal blogs that reblog, like, or follow, as I like to keep interactions here between fellow rp mutuals. If you have an rp side-blog, let me know beforehand so I dont mistake you for a non -rp personal.

* I WILL NOT interact with minors. Given the content on this blog and the fact I’m an oldie, I just feel more comfortable writing with people of age, not to mention feel more comfortable exploring the darker / horror themes of this blog with adult mutuals.

* As stated I am MUTUALS ONLY, meaning i will only write with mutuals. While I do greatly appreciate people following and showing interest, if i dont follow back there’s genuinely no hard feelings. Its not a slight against you or in any way me thinking less of your character or taking some weird high and mighty attitude but : 1. I just get very overwhelmed with an overly busy dash and need to be a bit selective to prevent my anxiety from going nuts 2. At the time, I'm not seeing a way or know how our characters could interact. You’re more than welcome to unfollow. Alternatively please dont feel obligated to follow back if I follow first, aside from understanding this blogs content might not be for everyone, i don't believe in follow for follow. So if you're not genuinely interested in writing, I'd prefer a soft block. If you want to interact but don't follow me, chances are I’ll say no as I take following as a sign of interest. I may take a while to follow back as my notifications on here are the worst. If I don’t follow back within a weeks time, feel free to unfollow. .

T H R E A D S / P L O T T I N G

* I love plotting. If given my way I'd be plot exclusive but I know that's not everyone's cup of tea. If you're ever interested in plotting, know I am already onboard.

* If you want to turn a meme or ask into a thread, I’d prefer to be asked before hand. Simply because sometimes its nice to have memes just be stand alone things or for fun.

- Additionally I take the memes I send in to others as just memes for memes sake as well, so if you want a thread to continue off one you'll have to let me know , otherwise I'm clueless.

S H I P P I N G / D Y N A M I C S

As of 8/14/20 Charlie is no longer open to romantic ships with female muses specifically, and will ship only with Bunny’s female muses: Irene @gcrefxed and Sarah @killerxquccn , with her characters being detrimental in Charlie's story and to his character. Sarah specifically has always been the love of Charlie's life with the likelihood of anyone (beyond Irene) able to come close slim to none. This in no way means I will not interact with female muses or am being exclusionary from this point; I always want to explore the multitude of subtleties in dynamics between Charlie and muses of every gender - even female muses having feelings for charlie, flirting with him etc - but dynamics with those female leaning will not result in anything romantic. Male muses, however, are still open to the possibility of such a dynamic as that aspect to Charlies sexuality and character hasnt been delved into and I would find really interesting to explore. If you have any questions, feel free to ask! But please respect this decision and don't try to pressure or force me to change my mind as that will result in an automatic block. I ship based on chemistry between muses, but Im also very okay with pre-established dynamics (whether that be romantic, friends with benefits, enemies, platonic, familial, whatever!) Considering that can be a bit easier thread wise for some people instead of starting from the very beginning. As with most things, I like to talk through it beforehand. If you have anything in mind, you're more than welcome to approach me! But I also reserve the right to respectfully turn things down or offer alternate options if things don't mesh.

S M U T

While I, and my muse, are of age, I’m not entirely comfortable writing smut unless it’s with a mun 1.) I know well and 2.) Is of age. So for the most part any if it all suggestive scenes will lead to a fade to black, time skip, etc.

T R I G G E R S

My muse being horror related there may be some triggers here. There will be mentions, and maybe -though rarely- the occasional image, of : Blood, Violence , Murder , Serial Killers . Knives / Bladed weapons. I will ABSOLUTELY tag NSFW material [ with the tag nsfw > ] and triggers where applicable, though if you would like me to tag something specific to your needs or if there’s something I missed, don’t hesitate to let me know and I will do so right away!

M U N

* I write under the alias Nox! ( She/Her ) and I am of age

* i am a-okay with questions, especially about my muse! if you have any about anything at all i will be more than happy to answer them the best i can!

* Also totally fine with random IMs! despite being spacy as hell sometimes, I love talking to people. Even if we havent talked or interacted before, doors always open. I also have discord which I'll hand out to those I chat with and ask for it.

* I am very forgetful and easily distracted! Its the ADHD / Anxiety in me, added in with my irl stuff going on. Sometimes I forget to respond to IMs, but I promise it's not me ignoring you or a sign of disinterest [if we're mutuals, Im interested]. Dont be afraid to give me a poke if i take too long.

- Adding onto that I also have Depression . Which tends to put me in a bad headspace not only fairly often but fairly easily and makes me a bit tentative about trying to start things with others, based on bad past experience and my own mind being a bastard and thinking most people don't want to interact with me. So I promise, if we're mutuals, even if Im not sending things, I want to interact but probably being a clown and just afraid to while admiring you from afar until I can make a move. If you want to go ahead and go for it, I highly encourage it! Your best bet would be to approach me first.

* You can also find me on my other blogs:

@rapturcd // Bioshock OC

@fullcfwoe // CAOS OCs

@synthend // Cyberpunk OC

@sxnned // Demon OC

@disowncd // Dylan Massett from Bates Motel

@clovcn // Lucifer from CAOS

R E S P O N S E T I M E / A C T I V I T Y

As it is i have a hard time keeping muse, just the way i am sadly. i know this is something a lot of people, myself included, can find frustrating (especially when you’re really into a thread) but a fair amount of the time i may take a while to respond. as much as i love this, aside from being a hobby, i have a chronic illness that makes me exhausted most days or just not in the mood to write and not in any kind of state to type out a response you lovely people would deserve. though i will always try to quickly reply when i can.

M E M E S

Yes. please. send as many as you want, as often as you want. Even if we haven’t interacted, you’re free to send one my way; They can be a great place to start things off.

P O S T L E N G T H / F O R M A T T I N G

* I tend to use icons and small - but not super tiny- text, and usually some form of para, multi-para , or novella, but it really depends on my mood etc. Though all these things can vary : If you dont use icons, I can do iconless threads. If my formatting is too small, obnoxious, or hard to read, let me know! And I'll change to whatevers easiest to read. Want something short and sweet, mostly dialogue based? I can do that too. I go with the flow

* You don’t have to match my length in posts! sometimes i can write far too much when i get really into writing (and alternatively not write enough), so don’t feel obligated or pressured to follow suit by any means! whatever you are comfortable with is totally okay! it’s not a contest, this is all for fun.

G R A P H I C S / C R E D I T

* all icons and graphics are created by me unless stated otherwise

* icon psd by plutocommissions

* border by venuscomissions

Thank you sm for taking the time to read!

#pgs >

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bitchryver · 5 years

Note

Headcanons on how the ToG series might have gone if Sam and Nehemia had stayed alive? I’ve been pondering on it myself, since I want to write a fanfic kinda involving how that dynamic would have played out with the story.

oooohhhh my gooooddd im so delighted you asked me that I have SO many thoughts!!! I’d love to read a fanfic like that bc im always……thinkin abt it

okay so in MY head it goes a lil somethin like this:

In terms of Sam, the plot of the final story in TaB goes ahead as it does in canon- Arobynn tells Celaena that Sam is dead, BUT this time he tells her one of his spies reported they saw sams body in Rourke Farrans house.

So good ol celaena, like the big dumb chaotic aries moon she is and forever will be, goes to farrans house for revenge.

Except- its a trap to catch her, like it is in canon, and she ends up in endovier.

But this time, instead of grieving for sam and dealing with the fact that arobynn might have betrayed her, she believes both arobynn AND sam have betrayed her

Maybe because she doesn’t see sam in farrans so she thinks its a trap, or maybe arobynns plan to seperate the two is to manipulate the two apart by sowing that seed of doubt in celaena, knowing that she will return to only trusting him, so he plans to have celaena think sam is in on it

Now when Sam hears celaena’s gone to endovier? loses it. He’s totally suspicious of Arobynn and enlists the help of lys & Wesley to get revenge/ and or get her out.

I don’t know whether he would stay with arobynn- part of me imagines celaena being gone means he’d have to pay off his debts again or something, maybe he wants to hang around arobynn to gather more information about why he set celaena up

i don’t really think he could bear to live in celaenas apartment, because i think he’d feel REALLY guilty and angry.

so sam doesn’t succeed in breaking celaena out before dorian gets to her, and i think he as a character would grow a bit tougher and a bit meaner. maybe throw himself into the pit fighting a bit more.

so dorian comes to exploit i mean free celaena, and then i think the plot progress as normal- in terms of how nehemia is introduced, and how their relationship develops.

[quick side note-i think celaena, still reeling from what she thinks is a betrayal, and then a terrible year, maybe does go through with the dorian half-romance b plot in the first book, and then can’t go through with it in the end. I don’t think she would go for chaol at all, because part of the reason she’s drawn to him is the sense of stability he provides, and because its a chance for the life she wanted with sam- stability and sam-like traits work against her in this timeline; why would she be so taken when chaol says he’d leave adarlan with her? Sam promised to do the same and he betrayed her.]

Now in terms of Nehemia- like i said, the plot progresses as normal in terms of their relationship and interactions, and nehemias desire to force celaena to become the person she needs her to be- this time, NOT because she think aelin/celaena is the only one who can save her people or her country or whatever, but because her firepower and her country are valuable assests to the strategy nehemia wants to plan for her country/

and nehemia is working on dorian AND aelin at the same time, but she feels way less bad for dorian. She’s determined that this is what needs to be done, that it HAS to be done that way, but she’s really struggling with the guilt of watching celaena clearly struggle a year out of endovier.

I think she’d also be slightly, secretly angry at celaena/aelin- like she COULDN’T understand why and how aelin would want to shirk her role as a queen. And I can see that tension being there for a while as a response to nehemias guilt, maybe to mask it, because she genuinely has come to love celaena.

So I think it goes one of two ways- Nehemia fakes her death as a way of escaping the castle and the dodgy rebels to get back to Ellywe with the information she’s learned, making an educated guess that doing so will tip the emotional tether in celaena to force her to become aelin. aelin = firepower = fighting skills = terrasen army. jackpot.

OR celaena eventually confies in Nehemia, instead of chaol that she’s the Queen, and then its Nehemia who convinces the King to send her to Wendlyn.

And that creates a massive tension because celaena is like WHAT i JUST told you these people are literally related to me

And she’s angrier than she’s ever been because this, to her, is betrayal no. 2

Maybe its that anger, instead of grief that fuels her revival as aelin.

So then back to Sam- I don’t know exactly if he’d be part of the Terrasen resistance, but I think maybe celaena being taken to endovier, run by adarlan tips him into Fuck Those Guys territory.

Either way, when celaena runs into Archer in book 2, archer goes back to sam to say GUESS WHAT

celaena is not only alive, but working for the king! she’s the kings champion!

Sam either takes this well: I cant believe they would make her work for them how terrible are they lets keep resisiting them

Or he takes it badly i.e “You mean to tell me I’ve been working against adarlan FOR her this entire time and she’s been working for them happy as a clam? she just SIGNED over her life to the guy?? Fuck her”

Because here’s the thing- I don’t see a role for a chaol in a world where sam is still alive, because I think sam would fill the role chaol occupies in com/hof/qos/tod/- the bitter, jilted lover who felt like they gave up SO much for her and look what she’s gone and done that stupid bitch

Im saying this based on how sam confesses to celaena in TaB- he knows they are BOTH being abused by arobynn, he knows he’s the only one of the two that recognises it as abuse, and he still says to her that he can’t be around her if she “chose” arobynn over him. He doesn’t really….want to share.

OR option 3: In the timeline where Nehemia sends Celaena to Wendlyn, Nehemia herself stays in Adarlan and continues working with the rebels, one of whom is Sam. From Sam she learns more about celaenas back story and begins to feel a bit more understanding of her, and begins to queitly pray that she’s done the right thing, that celaena will understand why it had to be done. I don’t think she would make apologies for it, but she would be genuinely concerned about how she’s doing over there, unlike every other character in hof.

But Sam learns from Nehemia about Celaenas brief dalliance with Dorian, or learns from Aedion about who she actually is. I don’t think it would be the knowledge of who she is that bothers him, like it did chaol, but instead the idea, warped by the bitterness of her and dorian, that she had all this power all this time and ran away from it. I see that being that kicker in the confrontation, and I see Aelin having to have the conversation on the balcony with him instead of chaol.

Ok so second side note, and i havent finished koa so i dont know if we meet the royal family in Ellywe or if we learn whether or not they knew about her plans but in the timeline where Nehemia returns to Ellwye, the court and her family are FURIOUS with her, 1. because she’s the heir to the throne in an increasingly dangerous environment what do you mean you faked your death to escape the country are you fucking serious??? WHY??? and maybe these grown men in her court don’t take her seriously because thats a big theme.and then 2. because her court are annoyed she took the iniative to do something so they keep chipping away at her- where is your firebringer- oh she’s not here? and we don’t have a guaranteed alliance? and you’re not in contact with the rebels because 1. they think youre dead and 2. one of their leaders was murdered by your friend to avenge you? Hows that gonna help. So she has to fight for their approval the same way aelin later fights darrow. what a beautiful parallel that would be.

Like imagine the JOY and relief and FEAR nehemia would feel upon hearing about aelin setting maeves people on fire- she begins to wonder for the first time,,, who is it she’s actually unleashed…. and will she want to help her?

Sorry I know thats SO long and rambly and kind of aelin centric i literally dont know how to write ANYTHING without including ms [g]a[y]shryver in it. also i cannot,,,,,, spell,,,, but THANK YOU for this ask i hope your fanfic goes well!!!!!

#answered #long post #kandasboi #GOD IMAGINE

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