#i havent lost this much progress so fast in such a long time

[0rph1x]

random fuckin life update ig idk im upset fjkashdfkj

ive had an incredibly shitty last. five days. like ive lost so much progress and i got so much worse so quick. so what if i just dont talk to anyone and stay in my room and find something to binge watch while i just sit in bed like >=[ bc im incredibly angry HKSJGHKJSHGK

[dear-self-this-is-you]

January 19, 2023 - 3:11 AM

Hello. After not posting for the longest time, I am back again. Not to rant, but to pray and talk to God. I am no saint & it's been really really bad. my relationship with the Lord right now is on the rocks and I've continued to badmouth him which im not proud of. by the start of the new year, i tried to be a good child - told myself i should be more optimistic and my greatest resolution for this year? to be a kind person coz i feel like thats the hardest thing to do as life tries to shoot me in the head with all these lifewrecking asshole shenanigans that i face on the daily. I was doing better. For a long time, I was trying not to curse - which I think has lessened but still at times I still cant help but find comfort at screaming bitching words in my head. For a while, thought I was doing good & progressing to becoming a better person with clean thoughts, full of hope, & faith. but then you know, life doesn't really go your way for the most part and unexpected things almost always happen - the good and the bad stuff. I don't vividly recall anymore how I got here but it got bad, like really bad. I was having episodes of mental break down every night and there's not a day that I don't cry. whats even worse is that i just spend every day on my phone trying to distract myself drom the merciless and negative thoughts lurking in my mind. I am still here with my family but it doesnt feel like it. Ive been gone long before. I dont even go out of my room and eat with them or watch tv. i dont. i just go out if i want to kidnap my niece who doesnt really want my kisses and cuddles. i dont even take care of myself as much as normal people do. and as much as i should. i dont take a bath and brush my teeth let alone look myself in the mirror in a day just because it feels exhausting for me. the normal routine a normal person does feels too heavy for me. thats how bad it has gotten. but yeah going back to trying to speak to the Lord - I just wanna say that i just hope my one and only dream that i sincerely desire and is deeply planted in my heart is still in line with what's meant for me. they say that it's meant for you if it gives you peace but thats not whats been going on. going back last year, the best thing happened to me - i got a job offer abroad which ive been dreaming for years!!! and whats even greater is that its an opp in London, of all the cities in the world, a door has opened for me in one of the brightest and richest places in the world. what a dream right? I was so grateful I couldnt ask for more and I was so happy to share the good news with my mom which made her also vv happy for sure. I prepared for the interview and had a whole long month of interviews. fast forward to processing the documents, i noticed my old phone was not in my possession anymore. as a memory hoarder myself, i found out that my mom gave my niece's nanny the permission to own that phone thats why she brought it back to her hometown. now all my pics & vids are lost which totally wrecked me. Thats how i got back to square one. became distant & angry with my mom & that nanny living in our house. up until now, havent gotten back the strong relationship with the Lord that I had built when he fulfilled my bigtime dream. But i was able to fully recover & heal from letting go of the memories I made with that phone - the nanny was gone but I wish her nothing but well although I mistreated her because of what happened. fast forward to today, i really dont know why things are happening the way they are now because i thought by now that fulfilled dream must have already come to fruition. i thought by now i was already living the london dream and going places. but still here i am waiting for what feels like so close yet so far. Lord, i really hope this is still meant for me. please let this be meant for me. ive shed billions of tears, got empty after being so empty, lost all my faith in every little thing & was so so so fed up. ive survived & still surviving the growing pains of this waiting game so please let there be light at the end of the tunnel.

[boneybrokengoblin]

I took some before photos of where I currently am in my weightloss journey.

These are going to be like my half way photos ig. Since i had lost 125lbs initially. I sadly havent rlly lost any weight at all during the last year. Ive fluctuated between 155-165lbs. Well this month i decides to break that cycle. I want to finally reach my goal weight of 135lbs.

Tomorrow morning i will weigh myself to get my mew starting weight. And then im thinking that ill update here weekly with my progress for that week :)

Im getting my fasting app back along with my weight and fitness tracker.

Now its not like i have to explain my process to the few to none people who are gonna read this (because tbh im talking to myself here in these posts, i dont actually have any followers who care ab me or anything) but here it goes anyway,,

I work at a job where im on my feet all day long. I also get dizzy and lightheaded very easy. I dont want to draw attention to myself so i always eat in the morning. I used to do omad but that was when i had a desk job so i didnt have to always be on my feet. Im gonna have to start with 2 meals a day for now. Ill do breakfast around 9-10 depending on how hungry i am that morning.

Breakfast will consist of whatever we have on the line at breakfast that morning, most of the time its eggs bacon or sausage and toast. 1 of each.

I also wanna throw in some fruit so ill probably have either apples or melon with that.

For my dinner meal i will have to eat with my parents because even at the ripe ol age of 21 i still live with them and they still expect me to eat the food that they cook. They eat pretty healthy so ill just have small servings of whatever they make me.

The real kicker is that im not going to be allowing myself to have the sweet foods i love so much. Ive had a year to eat them. Ive had a year to satisfy myself with them. Now its time to set them aside in favor for a healthier lifestyle.

Im going to make an effort to stick to this plan so that i can be happy and reach my ultimate goal.

Im very worried ab the loose skin and how it will affect my body dysmorphia along with my dysphoria surrounding my chest. Im unsure if losing 30lbs will make the loose skin better or worse. Im going to try my best to work out as much as i can to tone up my body. With how high my starting weight was im scared that it wont go back to normal.

This is a long post now so im logging off. Ill post my before pics along with my new starting weight tomorrow morning

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

.

[zoyalais-moved]

do u think nikolai had an *oh* moment or do u think he knew he was falling the whole time lmao (dude idk i havent read lol)

he had about six oh shit moments imo so here's a few of them <3

(tgt + kos spoilers ahead)

first, was when he fell at the end of r&r and zoya caught him because the world was completely black and dark and he couldn’t see or read or even properly think, it was literally killing him. and then the darkness was gone and he was back to himself and falling at an impossible speed down to earth. but then zoya stormwitch nazyalensky cushions his fall and she’s there next to him and he’s never seen her before but oh fuck she’s so pretty and oh fuck she just saved his life

the second was when they’d been working an all nighter (which has pretty much been happening every day for at least three months) and they’re working in companionable silence until eventually nikolai cant figure out what to write back to this shu diplomat and he’s kinda panicking bc he’s half awake, dead tired, and utterly lost. then a slip of paper falls out of the letter and when he picks it up its a fully formed comprehensible letter written by zoya and he’s just. how.

when he looks over she’s asleep, her hair falling onto her eyes, her expression untroubled for once- saints, she almost looks at peace. and he just kinda smiles and goes “what would I do without you”

and then it hits him. bc. what would he do without her

he has another one when he sees her teaching the grisha, and while she’s strict ofc with them, he sees the way her face lights up when the little boy manages his first gust of wind, or the proud tilt of her chin when she updates him on their progress. she just loved them sm ok

one more when they’re at the winter solstice ball and he keeps looking for her but she’s nowhere, and really has he even seen her all day long? was she ok? maybe he should go check on her-

and then zoya walks in. and. he completely stops functioning. 

because she’s wearing a dark blue gown and her eyes are brighter, and did genya do her hair? who’s idea was it to leave it braided over one shoulder, studded with silver gems? 

she catches his eye and raises a brow. maybe there’s some diplomat trying to get his attention but the entire world just disappeared so who cares anyway

he asks her to dance and she says dancing is a dangerous game yes

anyway the entire time he's just heart eyes and his hearts beating fast and why is this happening to him??

this is #283837 and genya's watching like "for the love of GOD one of u make a move"

but just like in kos he always assumes it's best for them not to be together, be it for ravka or for zoya herself or for his reign there's always some excuse he comes up with

still she's the one on his mind, always <3

[magicflowershop]

one day kitty; Yamaguchi version

《inspired by movie A Whisker Away》

✿✿ you wished to be with the person you like and wish granted. whiskers, button nose, tail, four legs and ears on top of the head; you turned into a cat. with this, you are given the opportunity to be with the person you want to express your affections to. but as a cat. and only in one day.

― haikyuu characters x cat!reader imagines!

❀ masterlist ❀

the wheel of names have spoken.

long story short, you knew Yamaguchi and liked him for the longest time,,, not to mention it kinda annoyed you that Tsukishima was there by his side too and kinda knows you have a crush on Yams but we’ll get to that 

you’ve been living in the same neighborhood as Yams and you just liked how he’s such a sweet guy and smiles as if everything was alright

he made you feel like you wanted to protect him kinda guy yk

:)

so,,, uh did i mention you’re a cat now? no?

nyways you’re a cat now 

for some damn reason

the last thing you remember the previous night there’s this fortune teller you went to and that you mentioned to said fortune teller you wanted to get even closer to your crush on some way possible

and you remember clearly how the fortune teller grinned at you and say

“i can make that thing some way possible”

creepy ass-

and then you woke up as a cat right next to Yamaguchi’s house

talk about convenience

you were right by their gate when Yamaguchi walked out the door, ready for school,,, instinctively you pretended to sleep out there like a lonely cold cat that’s been abandoned yk just to get his attention like that

“why is there a cat here?”

said in a very disgusted voice by Yamaguchi’s childhood friend, Tchkishima ‘Kay

Yamaguchi was just as confused bc there’s never been a cat that looked like you in their neighborhood before and he wondered if you were somebody’s pet that ran off

so Yams bein the sweetheart he is,, picked you up,, took you in his arms

and placed you in a nearby bush with all the other cats

because the cat were on the streets all defenseless like that, he was worried that it might get hit by a car or sumthin ykyk aw

so the boys left you there

gettin screeched at by the cats

bc you werent a normal cat lmao

and so you went on to your journey of ✨ stalking Yams ✨

and Tsukki gettin weirded at by you bc you were stalkin em ✨ but Yams is the star here ignore Tsukki :>

stalkin ain’t an easy job honey baby no sir no ma’am,, especially since you literally have to climb a tree just to see through the window of his classroom since animals aren’t allowed inside the school premises

you cant even sneak past the hall monitors

but thank goodness they had breaks and the boys go outside to go to the gym and practice

nyways knowin full well that you are a cat and that cats are created cute

sis mhmm did you use that advantage

except Yams is just

yk

not noticing you

lmfao

and to add to your dismay, Tsukishima’s even laughin at you 

a monster

see, Yams is just too tall and kinda too absorbed on his jump float serves that he barely turns elsewhere,, you kinda wished you were the ball

but what can you do when your crush was as much as a volleyball addict as the rest of his team,, so you try and get his attention with a different approach ;)

you annoy the hell outta Tsukishima

and when i say the hell outta him i meant the hell outta him

bc what you’ve gathered from earlier, it seemed that you were pretty blatant about your affections towards Yamaguchi that he caught onto it and even had the audacity of laughing at you :>

so you’re beautiful big brain plan was to make Tsukishima notice you, make him annoyed by you that’ll make Yams worry what’s wrong

it was a stupid yet effective idea

so literally you stared at Tsukishima all through practice, and he just tried to ignore whatever it was you were doing and you heard him whisper to Yams 

“that cat kinda reminds me of someone”

“who?”

“y/n”

“wdym?”

“annoying”

“gasp y/n isn’t annoying”

so yes your heart was leAPING IN JOY just from knowin Yams standing up for you from Tsukki of all people and dont find you annoying in human form,,, after all those times you insisted to go home with them lmao 

he doesnt find you annoying

like wow

well anywho

your craziness dont end there bc you havent had Yams to notice you yet, and after classes practice have already ended

so you let Tsukishima free from his sins and decided to proceed thy actions in,,,,, wait for it

Yamaguchi’s home

bc you nasty

bc you wanted to spend the rest of the night wif him and staying in home would be boring ykyk

but you did know you should be careful of not accidentally transforming back to human in front of him

so you took the time and waited until you thought he was already in his sleeping clothes bc common you aren’t a perv right? right

until you peeked through his window all shy and whatnot,,, to see him passed out on his bed

….

you waited more than an hour for this

your simpin ass was disappointed

but you ofc was never runnin out of bogus ideas, so you tried to act like a regular stupid cat and started tapping your lil paw beans on his window as loudly as you could,,, you could’ve started clawing his window cause thats louder but you wouldn’t damage his property common

Yamaguchi’s sensitive ass heard this and was snapped awake, a drool wavin to say hello, to see a little damn cat making a ruckus 

he opened the window and let you in 

and you gave the littlest softest meow you could manifest from ur being

Yams lit thought you were purring from the cold lmao but that doesn’t matter bc he let you in his room thank god we have progress now

he wrapped you around with a towel to keep you warm and held you close, askin you where your family was or if you were abandoned,,, yes heaven never felt this good

he was about to fall asleep when you notice it was already 11.45pm oh no

15 mins left you turn back to normal

you checked up on him to see if he asleep so you could leave his room without saying anything,, ofc you didn’t want him to see you in your sorry state as a whole simp ofc not

good thing his window stayed open,, you left without saying a word as if what you did was a one night stand and ran away 

you ran all the way back to your house as fast as you could with your tiny stealthy body but you didn’t even realize you were running mindlessly and that you got lost

oh no what the hell are you doing you’re wasting time dude

less than 8 minutes you’re turning back and somebody might see you

you retraced your steps, trying to go somewhere you recognize and spend the night there hiding from anyone’s sight,,, it was okay to spend the night somewhere bc you’ll wake up back in your house in your body as if nothing happened

yes as if nothing happened

“watch out!”

you were yanked and dragged out of the way by a person’s body,, a boy’s body to be exact and when you looked up, a pair of green and stunned eyes met yours

“… y/n?”

you were done for

it seemed that you almost got hit by a car mid-transformation and Tadashi was in time to save you as he found you idling about in front of his house

so you got back in time

you stared at him completely in shock as he was talking to the person who drove the car and apologizing,, while still holding you close you thanked every god you were still wearin clothes

“well take care that fella over there”

the driver went back inside his car after checking if you both were alright

“i will!”

sis i-

Yamaguchi then turned to you this time and with a stern expression says

“i’ll ask mom to let you spend the night, but other than that you have some explaining to do ma’am”

stay tuned for more! :>

[pemini]

Irreparable Places | Lee Taeyong

Prologue

「 I picked a flower from the stem and I watched it die in my hands, and I screamed "Oh my God, I did it again” 」

⇢ Word count: 1,294

⇢ Genre: angst, zombie apocalypse! au

⇢ Warnings: implications of death, weapons

⇢ Pairing/Main Characters: taeyong x reader, potential taeyong x reader x ten

November 5th, 2019

6:50AM

The Borderland

The world was burning, and all Lee Taeyong could do was drive. Ten was collapsed in the passengers seat, his chest rising and falling softly. Despite his exhausted state, his grip on the pistol in his hand was deadly. The sun had just begun to rise, casting a warm glow over the borderland. Its warmth was almost alien to a landscape so bleak, all rubble and wreckage too far beyond repair. Taeyong welcomed the sunlight as it hit his inked skin, it brought him back to moments long gone, moments pried out of his hands. The truck he was driving began to shake, its engine vibrating aggressively. He’d known that the engine was damaged weeks ago, when the truck had failed to start up and the fuel began to run out abnormally fast. Fuel was hard to come by and the truck was barely functioning, he worried that they’d have to start traveling by foot if they don’t get ahold of another one. 

Ten startled awake with the sudden unrest of the vehicle, sitting up straight before slumping back in his seat as his heavy eyes landed on Taeyong, “Do you think we’ll make it in this thing?”  He mumbled, rubbing his eyes. 

“With an engine like this, we won’t go far, but we should be able to get to the border in one piece.” Taeyong responded, sending Ten a reassuring smile.“Go back to sleep, you need it.” He turned his eyes back towards the road- or what used to be a road, at least. It was barely holding itself together, and Taeyong was struggling to drive smoothly as he drove the truck over deep cracks and attempted to avoid areas that were completely fragmented. Not much was left intact around The Borderland after the F.E.D.R.A dropped over 20 bombs in the area. Infected and uninfected alike had lost their lives, although most were already lost. Taeyong shivered as he recalled the image of disembodied corpses mangled in the debris, a burnt teddy bear lying idly on the side of the road. He could still feel the stench of burning flesh and gasoline seep through his lungs.

Ten cocked a brow at his best friend, taking in the dark circles that lay under his eyes and his tousled hair. “Bold of you to say. Let me drive for once, you can sleep in the back seat.” The smile on his face was earnest, and Taeyong couldn’t help but mirror it, his light almost contagious. He shook his head in disagreement, squinting his eyes at the silhouette of a tank emerging towards them from the dust. Watchers. 

“No need, they’re here- get the papers.” Said Taeyong, under his breath. They unstrapped their seat belts and concealed their pistols in their waistbands before getting out of the truck. Ten quickly made his way to the back of the vehicle, taking out their paperwork from a safe they’d hid under a stack of blankets and clothing, weighed down by an old carpet that neither of them knew the origin of. The wind was cold on his skin, the sunlight providing little warmth. Once he made his way back, the tank had just come to a halt in front of Taeyong. He couldn’t help but shudder, seeing it loom over him. 

The Watchers came down one by one. Two of them. Taeyong was sure there were two more inside, presumably for back up. Sometimes, they’d squeeze a fifth in. The thought alone made him scoff. He could hear Ten’s breath halt in his throat beside him, and he had to remind himself not to reach his hand out to him. Vulnerability was not an option.

“Names.” Ordered the Watcher on the left. He was masked, they all were. All black jumpsuits, rifles strapped on their backs, boots marking the ground as if it were their own. 

“Taeyong and Ten.” Taeyong responded, his voice was stable, staring the Watcher dead in the eye. Ten fumbled with the papers. The Watcher on the right snatched the paperwork from his grip, looking over the details.

“Where’s the third?” Asked the Watcher after reading over their details. He signaled to the tank before Taeyong could respond. Two Watchers jumped out, just as he had assumed. They began searching the truck, weapons drawn, pace slow and alert. “Zhong Chenle. Where is he?” 

“He..” Taeyong faltered. Ten gently placed his hand on his shoulder, squeezing it in reassurance. The Watcher gripped his rifle. “He turned. We had to..” The Watcher nodded.

“Back to base.” He ordered. The two Watchers inspecting the truck headed back to the tank. “Follow the tank to the border. Johnny’s waiting for you at the F.E.D.R.A headquarters.” He instructed. Both Watchers turned to the tank, already beginning to drive away.

Taeyong and Ten hurried back into the truck, the latter exhaling heavily as he sunk into his seat. “Fuck them.” He groaned, rubbing his forehead. He took his pistol out of his waistband, checking the ammunition. An act of self soothing. Nobody wanted to feel defenseless in a place like this. “We really have to pretend to tolerate them for god knows how long now.” He said with a roll of his eyes. 

“Hold your tongue, they’re always watching.” Chuckled Taeyong, Ten slapping his arm lightly in response. Taeyong tightened his grip on the wheel, his smile not reaching his eyes. Silence befell them, and Ten couldn’t help but fidget as he tried to come up with something to fill the silence.

“We did what was best for him,” Whispered Ten, almost hesitant to bring the topic back up in the first place, aware that Taeyong was still grieving. “You know that, right?” 

“I.. I could’ve done more to help him, Ten.” Said Taeyong, gaze fixed on the tank that drove steadily ahead of them. “I could’ve saved him.”

“No, Taeyong. You couldn’t. It was out of your control- out of our control.” Ten stared at him as if he were searching for something he could not find, existing like shattered glass, void of its true form. Taeyong clenched his jaw as tears formed in his eyes, the initials etched onto his skin burned his wrist. “He can rest now.” 

The truck came to an abrupt stop, earning a clumsy yelp out of Ten as he almost hit the dashboard. “Put your seatbelt on next time.” Muttered Taeyong, he unbuckled his seatbelt and stepped out of the truck without sparing a glance at his stunned friend. Ten stumbled out before trying to compose himself, hurrying behind Taeyong towards the entrance of the border. 

They were faced with concrete walls and guard towers, Watchers wearing gas masks, combat helmets and body armor stood at the entrance, assault rifles pointed towards the pair. The Watchers who lead them there exited he tank, one of them walked towards the Watchers at the border while two others approached Ten and Taeyong. The fourth remained in the tank. 

“We will now carry out the standard test for infection,” Stated one of the watchers approaching them. Both of them quickly took hold of Ten and Taeyong, pushing them to their knees and pinning their hands behind them. “Do not resist.” He ordered. They complied, eyeing the scanner that both of the watchers had taken out of their utility belts. They activated the scanners with a push of a button before running them across both of their bodies. Taeyong looked up at the other Watchers, only to see them with their rifles drawn towards them, ready for a signal of infection to pull their triggers. The scanners beeped with a flash of green light. 

“Clear.” They motioned for them to get up, they could barely sigh in relief before they were pushed towards the now open entrance, “Commander Seo will get you to the F.E.D.R.A Headquarters."

- this is only the prologue, the reader will be present in chapter 1. im considering making this a potential love triangle fic w ten as well, but im not sure yet. either way, this is a slow burn so it’ll take a while before anything solid progresses so wether or not that’ll fit in will be clear by then.

- the quote under the header is from ‘its sunday, april 19th and i miss you’ by flatsound! also, if it isnt clear enough already, this fic is heavily inspired by the last of us and i really recommend you check it out if you havent already!! its one of my fav video games ever !!

- in the future there may be graphic depictions of violence and major character death. 

- pls excuse any errors im too lazy to proofread im alrdy gonna wanna kms when i reread this after uploading it and see 80 typos and 53 grammatical errors

[perfectlovekillsallfear87]

&&Im back.

I’m not sure how long I’ve actually been gone from Tumblr. I believe the last time I was on here was when I was in my 20s. I’m in my 30s now and finally got a new laptop. 

I have found it very helpful to get my thoughts out. And typing seems to help as well. 

I’m 32 now. My original tumblr blog was deleted by me. Just too many memories that I didn’t want to remember anymore. I have decided to continue with my tumblr name, but added the 87 at the end cause I guess the other name is taken. 

Let’s see....since this is a place for my own thoughts. I’m just going to start typing them out. I don’t expect anyone to read this anyways. I won’t be using any tags. 

Last night was something that I didn’t expect to happen. Especially not this soon. 

A little back story. A year ago Shea and I hooked up. And my impatient and most likely drunken ass told his wife. And I had nothing to lose. I had lost my job. And was in the midst of a “fuck it” phase.  After that happened, Shea didn’t speak to me. No matter how many times I’ve tried to apologize. I guess you can’t really apologize for something like that. Especially when it came from a hurtful place. I wanted his marriage to end and I guess wanted him to be with me. But heres the thing. I’m in a long term relationship. A year ago there was a lot going on in my life that I wasn’t happy with. And I sought Shea out. He would listen to me when I talked. He showed that he cared. Eventually one thing led to another and bam. We’re at his mothers house hooking up for 6 hours....Yeah, 6 hours.  The thing with Shea progressed over time. I worked at the door, checking receipts and what not. And he took notice of me. He would say hi to me all the time. Pretend like he’s checking on the ice machine just to talk to me. Flirt with me.  I remember when I tried getting a higher position at work and I wasn’t chosen for it. It broke me. And I broke down crying. He took me outside and gave me a cigarette and told me to fuck this place. He attempted to make me feel better. At this time I was working in the bakery dept because I didnt want to be a cashier and it was away from everyone. Thats when I met him. I was in the freezer all the time getting our breads and he would watch me and talk to me. thats when I knew he was into me. when they cut my hours, thats when I went to the door. And he would “check on the ice” just to talk to me.  After that I transfered to the early shift in dairy and frozen, because that was his dept. I wanted to be closer to him. That is when everything really moved fast. I got his number and we just would talk. That year in that dept was the most amazing year for me. I was close to him. But the kicker is....hes married. I knew this, but I still wanted him. I know thats wrong. And idk why I just didnt look the other way.  Wow, this is a really long back story. My bad. One day he called me and at first I didnt want to do anything. I was still super shy around him. But that was literally the only chance I had at the time. My bf wasnt home and I could go freely without telling him where I was going.  Well. We did it. I tried to ruin his marriage by telling his wife. He didnt talk to me for a year. Not until I got my job back (did I mention I lost that job and didnt work for a year, until recently got rehired)  I can tell you that he was surprised to see me at work again. I havent asked him about it, but I plan on to next time I get to talk to him.  I tried really hard too leave him alone. But he would look at me a lot. And randomly show up in my area. I knew he was still into me. You just dont show up on the opposite end of the store. ya know? I still had his number saved to my phone. and I would text him. It wasnt until a few nights ago he actually text me back and talked to me. I told him that I missed him. Not expecting him to tell me the same thing.  I was shocked when he said he missed me too.  Last night we video chatted while I was at work. And he just said “Im coming to get you”  I tried to tell him that I still had an hour left of work. But he talked me into clocking out an hour early. He picked me up and he drove out of town. And he told me he wasnt mad at me. He told me that I need to promise him I wont tell anyone. And I wont. I will on the other hand type it out and get it out of my head. I need to get it out. I hate having something built up in me.  So we drive and make out and eventually have sex in his wifes vehicle!!!  I know. Awful. And now here I am on Tumblr trying to justify my actions. Trying to some how convince myself that I didnt do anything wrong. Im in love with the man, so therefore I cant be wrong.  I told him I love him and he told me he loves me. But he also said nothing can come of all of this. Which broke me. I cried in the dark while he held me. I thought for a moment that he would change his mind. that maybe this is why he picked me up. to go over a plan. but no. he basically said this is only a fling. nothing more can come of it. 

So idk what Im going to do. Idk what to feel. I just dont know. Idk who to talk to about this. I dont have a bestfriend I can confide in. Ive cut so many people out of my life due to trust issues.  idk. i have so much going on right now, its stressful.  my bf is literally dying in front of me. liver failure. hes in the hospital as I type this out. yeah, im a bitch for going off and cheating on him. ive stuck by his side since this all started 8 months ago. i dont wanna get into this now. i’ll save it for another lonely night. 

I was watching awkward on hulu. i was jenna back in my 20s. always blogging my life. it helped me. but then people found my blog that live in the same town as me and it didnt end very well. so i deleted everything. 

i didnt mention my name. but i did mention shea’s name. shea could be anyone, living anywhere in the world. so i highly doubt anyone will figure out where we are. or who i am.  i dont really plan on following other accounts. or reblogging other things. i just needed a place to get my thoughts out. its been a while since ive been on a laptop and it feels really good to be able to type things out. 

well. i guess thats if for my first post. 

laters.

[zanesgirlfriend]

Take Care of Me | Zane Hijazi

Description: Zane asks for you all night, and once he gets hurt he refuses to go to the hospital without seeing you first. (based on vlog #538)

Requested?: yes by @lilyeehaw : Based on the davids vlog where Zane gets hurt and stass is here but he keep asking for Y/N and then she arrives and Stass gets mad and Zane confess his feelings for the reader and just fluff

A/N: I love this idea!! and thank you so much for requesting a Zane fic bc he is my mf baby and i love him! Also, I had to make this in 3rd person instead of 2nd person to tell the story the right way, so let me know if yall like that better. This is also hella long and i had to rewatch that vlog at least 30 times so enjoy.

____

Zane had been drinking all night. He was drinking all night to try and escape the fact that he had a crush on her. Of course, there was Stassie. Everyone knew he had a tiny crush on Stassie, and that she had an ass to die for, but that was all physical. What Zane felt in his heart was for Y/N. He knew when he met her that she was meant for him. Zane tore himself up and wasted himself away because a couple kisses with Stassie drove Y/N farther from him than ever. Afterall, she couldn't be with someone that constantly lusted after somebody else.

Zane was way past tipsy and needed to take a break from hanging out with everybody. He laid on David's bed, texting Y/N for the millionth time that night, in many hopes of a response.

Y/N please come over

I wana see youuuuuu

i miss you a lot

we havent hung out in forveeeer

She glossed over his typos, knowing he was drunk. She wanted to see him too, but she knew something about Stassie wasn't right. Her jealousy was too intense when those two were together.

Is Stassie there?

Zane's eyes lit up. In his wobbly state, he couldn't tell that she was indifferent. He was too excited that she'd texted him back.

Yes and you should be here too

Y/N rolled her eyes and put her phone down. There was no way she could compare to Stassie, and she didn't wanna be in a competition she knew she would lose.

Y/N?? Are u coming over

pleaseeeeeee

She decided she needed a reason to be there. A reason other than 'he's cute.'

Why should I come over?

He racked his brain, trying to get it to stop spinning.

Bc i want u to take care of me

And that was the last she heard from him in a while. She had texted back "Stass can take care of you." and assumed that he had just realized she was right and stopped responding. Turns out she was very wrong.

Somewhere in between texts Zane had lost his Juul, which had found a home on the floor beneath David's bedside table. However, Stassie's Juul pod was in Zane's juul, and she wanted it back. She burst into the room, looking for Zane.

"Where's my pod?" Stass sat on the edge of the bed, causing Zane to sit up.

"It's in my Juul, my pod was empty." Zane slurred his words, attempting to focus on the woman in front of him.

"Okay, so where's your juul." Stassie was fed up with the drunk mess that was Zane. He felt around his chest and his pockets, searching for the device. "Zane." She was starting to get mad, and progressively getting louder.

All of their friends made their way into the bedroom, David filming all of it as per usual.

"What is going on?" David asked as he made his way over to Zane's side of the bed. David heard murmers of a Juul from Zane as Stassie yelled at him.

"Oh the Juul, are you looking for a Juul?" Zane and Stassie perked up, excited that David had found their precious vape.

"Yes!" Stassie giggled and Zane reached over to look for the Juul.

"I found one right here." David pointed towards the floor.

"No, yeah, it's actually mine." Zane slurred as his head spun. He made his way to the floor, grabbing the Juul.

"Zane, no, I will literall-" Stassie grabbed at Zane's clothes, knowing that he was too drunk to even pick up something. She climbed on his back, screaming his name many times, attempting to reach past him towards the Juul. Stassie ended up gettinng frustrated and stood up on the bed, pushing Zane to the floor with her foot.

Zane sat on the floor against the wall and hit the Juul. "Zane!" Stassie whipped Zane with a sweatshirt, attempting to get her pod back.

"Y/N would never treat me like this!" Zane said as he climbed up onto the bed. This pissed Stassie off to no end.

The rest of the group could be heard saying "Ohhhh" and "Shit, Stass." as she continued to whip Zane. In a flash of a second, Zane's drunkness overtook him. He attempted to stand up, but was so dizzy that he lost his balance. He fell backwards, twisting around, and smashing his head on the corner of a briefcase.

The world was spinning and Zane was in the center. He couldn't focus on what anyone was saying, and instead tried to balance himself. His hand instinctly went to his head, trying to stop the thumping pain in his skull.

"I really got hurt. I really got hurt." He repeated, standing and walking over to the bed. He laid down and tried to listen to pieces of what everyone was saying. The blood was dripping down his face and everyone was saying so many things, yet all he wanted was her. He knew this wouldn't have happened if she was here. She would've found his Juul for him, and helped keep him upright and make him drink water. She was supposed to take care of him.

"Zane you're bleeding!" David's words made it past his thoughts, and he seemed to sober up for a moment.

"Am I really bleeding?" Zane looked at his hand and knew that he fucked up. "Where's Y/N?" He kept asking.

"She's at her house. Zane you need to get up." David said as he and Natalie attempted to move the 200lb. man. Stassie was silent. She cared that Zane had gotten hurt, but she was pissed that he was still thinking about her. Stassie had no interest in dating Zane, but she really enjoyed his attention, and the attention his crush on her brought to the two of them.

The gang got Zane to the floor in a doorway, but thats as far as he would go. He kept whining about Y/N not being there.

"Zane, we have to go to the hospital, it's bad." Natalie leaned over him.

"Is it bad? Is it bad?" Zane lifted his hand off of his forehead and saw that his hand was covered in blood. "Awhhh, it's bad." He groaned. "I don't wanna go, though. I want Y/N to take care of me." Zane closed his eyes.

"Get her on the phone." David told Natalie.

Y/N was fast asleep, but woke up startled when she heard her phone ringing. Her clock said it was 3:04am, and she wondered who would call her right now. She picked up the phone after seeing Natalie's smiling contact picture.

"Hey." Her voice was groggy.

"Hey, um I'm sorry if you were asleep but Zane got hurt and refuses to go to the hospital." Natalie sounded calm, but then again she always sounds calm.

"Why does this involve me? I'm not his babysitter." She said, wanting to go back to sleep. She heard Natalie sigh before speaking again.

"I don't know he keeps saying he wants you, and that you're supposed to take care of him or something. Oh my God, David don't let the blood get on the walls." Natalie sounded slightly panicked now.

At the mention of blood, Y/N knew it was serious, and she also knew how stubborn Drunk Zane was. "Okay, I'm on the way." She got up, begrudgingly and somehow found her keys.

"Zane, Y/N is on the way." Natalie told the bleeding lump on the floor, causing him to immediately sit up.

"Yay!" His intoxicated brain seemed to still be working, so nobody was in too much of a panic.

"We gotta go to the hospital, I'm bleeding." Zane showed the camera the bloody towel in his hand, as if he had just realized he was injured.

"Yeah, can we go now?" Natalie asked, hoping for a positive answer.

"No, we have to wait for Y/N." Zane stood up, keeping pressure on the wound, and started to walk towards the living room. It was as if her being with Zane was more important than his health.

"Straight out of a fucking horror movie." Natalie had her hand on her head, annoyed and exhausted.

"Yeah its a whore-er movie. Hey Stass, you wanna be a part of this movie? Cause you're a whore?" Zane's lust for her had turned into anger and resentment towards Stassie.

"Oh, you wanna bleed some more?" Stassie joked, walking towards the group. Everyone laughed, but the laughter stopped abruptly when there was a knock on the door.

Y/N entered, wearing nothing but American Eagle Christmas boxers and a Clickbait t-shirt. Zane immediately ran up to her, attempting to give her a hug.

"Ewe, there's blood all over you please don't." She pushed him away, making Zane's heart hurt. Her heart really hurt though, when she found out that Stassie was the one that got him hurt. Stassie stood with her friend while Y/N talked to Zane, finally getting him to agree to go to the hospital. The whole group headed outside, stoping in the doorway while Natalie heated up the Tesla.

"I don't wanna put you in my Tesla 'cause I have white seats." David said to Zane.

"White seats." Zane stopped his sentence, trying to gather his thoughts. "Your friend's bleeding to death. White seats. I can't."

Y/N laughed as the camera panned towards her. Everyone piled into the Tesla, Stassie and her friend in the back-back seats, Zane and Y/n in the back, and David and Natalie in the front. Zane attempted to hold the Y/N's hand, but she wouldn't accept his bloody one. She was also pissed that she had been woken up in the middle of the night for this. In the end though she was glad that Zane had such an affinity for her, and seemed to finally prefer her over Stassie.

"It's 3:30 in the morning." David looked around the car as Natalie handed Zane another towel. The awarenesss of the time made Y/N even more tired. She leaned her head against the window, slowly falling asleep. She was aroused out of her mini slumber when David said loudly "Look at the last thing Zane posted on insta-stories!" Showing the camera and the car a picture of Zane in his glasses, smiling.

Y/N thought about how cute Zane was, and about how she wouldn't even be here right now if she didn't have a crush on Zane. But why couldn't she like someone normal, and sane? Why him? Why Zane?

"Raise your hand if you don't think Zane's gonna make it!" David said, raising his hand. Y/N and Natalie raised their hands as well, smiling at the joke.

"Zane, why'd you wake me up just so I could sit in a car with you?" Y/N was annoyed, and wanted to hear him say something nice about her to ease her frustrations.

"Because I want you to take care of me." Zane's puppy dog eyes stared at the beautiful bed-headed mess in front of him.

"The people at the ER can take care of you, I'm sitting here doing nothing." She tried to reason with him, not realizing that he means something else.

"I want you to take care of me forever, and make me a better person." Zane started, Y/N's expression softened. "This wouldn't have happened if I wasn't drunk, and I wouldn't have been drunk if you were mine." Zane couldn't stop speaking, the alcohol holding the gate open so his feelings could pour out.

Y/N got bright red, her stomach filled with butterflies. Everyone else in the car started to pay attention now, realizing Zane was being serious.

"I flirt with Stassie because I'm scared you don't like me, and then flirting with her pushes you away, and then I get sad that you're not around so I drink more, and I just wanna hold you and cuddle you. You make my heart go boom." Zane ruined the moment with his cheezy joke, but she appreciated it anyway. Stassie was really pissed now, a blank expression covering her face.

Y/N laid her head in Zane's lap. "If your blood drips on me, I'm never going on a date with you, ever." She smiled and slept the whole way to the hospital.

When they arrived at the hospital, Stass and her friend decided that its late, so they ubered home. Although everyone knew that she was mad that Y/N showed up, and didn't wanna be around her.

Y/N held Zane's hand while he got stitches, and lay on his hospital bed with him, her head on his shoulder, while they all waited for a nurse to return. When they thought she was asleep, and Zane had sobered up a bit, David asked him, "Dude, you really like her?" as if it was just a drunk thought.

Zane smiled while a nurse was cleaning up the blood that had dried on his face. "Yeah, I do." He rubbed her shoulder.

"Awww!" Natalie smiled at the pair, and took a picture of them so they could remember this for the rest of the long relationship that was to come.

[d4c]

long list of kh3 thoughts as I was playing, spoilers of course

very pretty game

what are these attraction/form changes, did they just throw that in or was there something similar in an older game?

I miss drive forms

for just starting out I’m feelin pretty strong

fighting titans for your first boss pretty cool

this tornado sucks

oh NOW I’m in kh3

how will I even know if I’m even making progress to getting the power of waking back

twilight towns pretty small, cool theres people though

these people really love the bistro..

guess we’re not goin in the mansion

why are these food mini games broken up so much, the second it starts its over shoulda put multiple together or make them longer (I wont be coming back here)

toy story world looks cool, being small in a big world

being outside really looks nice

tell me where the lucky emblem is you goofy bitch (it was the leaves infront of the door

fighting these figures, gonna hop in one, hop in one at every opportunity cause why wouldn't you

dont really like fighting in these, lemme go back to pressing x

im not trying to form change or ride the teacups I just wanna open the chest

how tf did all the toys get away that fast

buzz being an asshole but I’m sure something will happen to him

oh the whole level is in here, man I wanna go back outside..

The doll boss is really nice looking, shout out to the designer

shooting star keyblade really doin work

the dialogue in this game is ridiculous

oh shit there goes young xxxenanort

I am really not tryna do this whole video game shit in the mech thing

woody you goin off right now but its still ridiculous

did I make any kinda progress in anything, dont feel like it

I’ve now realized that this list would be way too long so lets shorten this a bit

Kingdom of Corona: I should probably watch tangled

Monstropolis: can we please get this girl in her damn door, jesus

cant vanitas just teleport back

Arendelle: oh she’s singin the whole dam song, oh fuck she is too

get me outta here

“That sounds like olaf”

I didn’t even know Hans or whatever was the wolf with so little he was even in so I probably blinked and missed it. 

This wolf is waaay too cool for this guy.

The Carribean: *on the ship* oh they know people hated this place lmaoo

please get me outta this water

why am I collecting crabs

does whats goin on make no sense or am I just an idiot

these boat battles okay, could be a lot worse

how is this boat moving in this whirlpool thing

idk who any of you are and whats going on and I’m sure it doesnt matter

cool keyblade

San Fransokyo: nice fighting on the bridge

oo I can just run up all these buildings, wish I could just a bit faster

man baymax sucks

this cube boss really aint doin much but whatever

rikus here, whatever

I’ve never held r2 more in my life probably

The keyblade graveyard

this is where the game starts

I “die” and have to collect my pieces? ok, at least better than the crabs

okay round 2

“Looks like you need some help”

OH SHIT

would probably not have known what was going on without that article I read. cool having the names from union x

at some point I could actually move, I didnt know and almost died

man, nier automata was great

I guess this is why no organization members fought me ever before

pretty cool, havent even fought everyone here before ive played very few kingdom hearts games

xigbars fine

wtf is your deal larxene

young xxxenanort and the boys

get fucked, kairi. (did she even do anything ever)

now to fight old man xenoblade, I went into his heart or somethin idk

oh I’m in that place

goat simulator 2019

am not fuckin with this gravity stuff, but mashing x and occasionally square and triangle has not failed me yet

I’m really fighting underwater again

oh he made me go into rage form

alright the part after this im not gonna lie I was dyin a couple times, my timing was bad

its finally over

TL;DR just general thoughts

game is very good looking, think that much is clear

didn’t feel like I was really doing anything until keyblade graveyard

“You never lost the power of waking it was just asleep” smh

wtf are they even saying most the time

wtf is demyx

cool bosses:doll,wolf,aqua

feels weird beating this on proud knowing there’s nothing harder and not having much trouble in general, even if I wouldnt tackle a critical mode myself

these were some long cutscenes

I forgot about summons most of the time but thats probably my own fault

forgot about the focus thing too outside of needing to airstep

all the keyblades coming to help was probably the coolest thing for me

I started off with some strong abilities, thought I wouldnt get anything cool til way later

I put in a good effort (to me at least) to play with a decent understanding of whats going on story wise and this shit is unnecessarily convoluted, but I’m also an idiot.

To sum up everything, game looks nice

[beer-and-breakdowns]

do all 150 !! :)

Thanks for this Anon, I needed something to do, lmaoo

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

My ex, which was a LOOONG time ago, lol

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

I’d say I’m a bit of both really, if I get to know you, I’d say I’m super outgoing but with new people I tend to be a little shy, unless the person I’m meeting has a lot in common with me personality wise and interest wise.

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

Well, I think I’m going out with one of my best friends tonight so her I guess!:)  (But the way I interpret this question, I’m also very excited to see a bunch of bands in the coming year, BFMV, Parkway, Currents, Slayer, Wage War, it’s looking good B))

4. Are you easy to get along with?

I’d say so! :)

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

Yeah, I think so, she’s super kind-hearted.

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

People with common ground with me.  Metalheads, laid-back people, fans of the same shit as me, etc.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Hahahahahahahanope.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

My mum bc my parents get back from a holiday today!  But also, that one person thats pretty much always on my mind, lol, rip meeee

No, lol

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

One of mutuals!:)

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

Directions of where to find me for someone picking me up from work, lmaoo, HOW EXCITING

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

NOT THIS QUESTION D:  This is gonna be hard, and I can almost guarantee it wont be the same when you read this, lol.

Architects - Downfall, Polaris - Lucid, Currents - Forget Me, Architects - Doomsday, Currents - Life//Lost

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

Yeah, kinda lol

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

I believe in luck, I think!  Not miracles tho, rip

15. What good thing happened this summer?

Well, it’s not over yet, but DOWNLOAD 2018 YEEEET!!

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Yeah, why not

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

For sure!  I love believing all that crazy shit, its fun, and also very plausible!

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

Nah, lol

19. Do you like bubble baths?

I like baths, but haven’t had a proper bubble bath in years (NO, I’m not a smelly bitch that doesn’t wash, I shower everyday)

20. Do you like your neighbors?

I dont know them super well bc I moved house a couple of years ago but from what I can tell yeah, they’re really nice!

21. What are you bad habits?

Nail biting, mostly.  I’m shit with money too if that counts, lol

22. Where would you like to travel?

LITERALLY EVERYWHERE OMG.  But a US road trip is on my bucket list!

23. Do you have trust issues?

Nope

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Probably my nightly music/tumblr session.  It’s so relaxing and my music taste is the fuckin’ bomb.

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

Probably my legs tbh, rip

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Scroll social media whilst my PC loads, lol

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

Neither, but if I HAD to choose, darker

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

My closest friends

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

Nah, I don’t recall that anyway, rip

30. Do you ever want to get married?

Definitely!  Just, not for a little while

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

Nope, wish it was tho (not for the pony tail, just want long hair, lol)

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Alexis Kaufman aaaaaaaaand Emily Kinney, maybe?

33. Spell your name with your chin.

oi9wen, went better than I thought, lol

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

HA no

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV 10000000000000%

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Yup

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

Nothing really, lmaoo!  I do try to start a new conversation if I’m not feeling too awkward tho!

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Ummm, I know them irl, lol.  Cute as hell, blonde, blue eyes, funny, kind as fuck, an all-round sweetheart with the looks to match.  

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

HMV, lol

40. What do you want to do after high school?

I WANNA PLAY MUSIC FOR A LIVING but that shits hard so idk bc nothing else interest me the way music does:(  Maybe something with psychology and killers.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Yes, 100%.  I fully believe rehabilitation and reformation can work for everyone with the right tools.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

I’m either super tired or feeling sorry for myself, lmaoo

43. Do you smile at strangers?

Yup, most of the time!

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

Space, even tho I’m scared of heights so getting in the rocket would be an ISSUE.  But the ocean is fuckin’ spooky man, I ain’t goin’ down there :o

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

Being awake, lmaoo.  I sleep for more hours than I should but I’m not one for staying in bed and once I’m up, I’m up.

46. What are you paranoid about?

Not having a stable life after Uni tbh, the real world terrifies me, lol help.  But also, and probably moreso never making any progress with my music and hopeful music career.

47. Have you ever been high?

Nope

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Yeeeeeee

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

Nah

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Black, probably, I dont normally wear hoodies tbh :o

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Originally, I was gonna say no, but then I remembered someone that I’ll forever be jealous of, so yes

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

My legs probably hahaha

53. Favourite makeup brand?

What’s makeup?

54. Favourite store?

HMV, again, lol

55. Favourite blog?

Probably either @lovelyfoxes, @meowsonmeows, @emilyharrisxvii and @strawberry-sarcasm

56. Favourite colour?

Black (Dont go telling me that shits a shade and not a colour bc I’ll still say black.)

57. Favourite food? 

INDIAN FOOD PLS

58. Last thing you ate?

Katsu chicken

59. First thing you ate this morning?

^^^ Katsu chicken (I woke up late, okay)

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Nah, not that I can remember lol

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

Nope

62. Been arrested? For what?

7328916312 times.  Being annoying :): :))::)::) (No)

63. Ever been in love?

Yup, rip

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

Idk, I kissed a girl.  Sorry it was super long ago and I didn’t think much of it at the time, it sorta just happened, lol

65. Are you hungry right now?

Nah, I’m FULL boii

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

No, but some of my tumblr frands are my irl friends

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Twitter 1000000%

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr 1000000000000%

69. Are you watching tv right now?

Nope, havent in a while tbh

70. Names of your bestfriends? 

Emily, Zac, Laura, Leo, Ethan

71. Craving something? What?

Attention.  Of a specific person.  YES PLS.

72. What colour are your towels?

White, black and grey.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

Twooo

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

Nope

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

7328131691

75. Favourite animal?

FOXES.  Or wolves.  Unless Dinosaurs count.

76. What colour is your underwear?

Grey

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Vanilla, man

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Salted Caramel

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Black, lol

80. What colour pants?

V dark blue

81. Favourite tv show?

Atm, probablyyyyy The Walking Dead, Ray Donovan and WWE, lmaoo

82. Favourite movie?

The Domestics just recently took the spot over Pulp Fiction.  WATCH IT.

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Only seen the first one, lel

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

21 Jump Street

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

Me

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

Me (Prolly the turtle)

87. First person you talked to today?

My friend Leo

88. Last person you talked to today?

Who knows, probably my friend Emily

89. Name a person you hate?

Most modern “musicians”

90. Name a person you love?

Alexis Kaufman

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Nope :)

92. In a fight with someone?

Nah, ya boii is mostly pacifist, I wont start shit

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

Like, 1 pair, lol

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

Prolly like 5 or 6?

95. Last movie you watched?

Looper

96. Favourite actress?

Hard to think atm, so probably off the top of my head Emily Blunt.

97. Favourite actor?

Mark Wahlberg or Johnny Depp

98. Do you tan a lot?

Hahahah, thats a massive nope

99. Have any pets?

I used to have a lil cat dude, but nah, not anymore

100. How are you feeling?

I’m goooood :)

101. Do you type fast?

Yeah, lmao

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

Yeah, lol

103. Can you spell well?

Yeah, mostly, I stumble when typing sometimes, but I can correct myself quickly and its usually just a mis-click

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

Yeah, kinda

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Nope

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

Probably, tbh

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Nah

108. What should you be doing?

Showering, oops

109. Is something irritating you right now?

Nah, not really! :)

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Yes yes and YES

111. Do you have trust issues?

Nope

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Honestly I think it was my friend Emily, lol (U remember if ur reading this, Sax is never a good idea)

113. What was your childhood nickname?

I didn’t really have one :o

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Yup, been to a few different countries

115. Do you play the Wii?

Used to, lol

116. Are you listening to music right now?

Yeah boiiiiii B)

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

It’s pretty good!

118. Do you like Chinese food?

Ummmm yes

119. Favourite book?

Sorry internet, I’m not a massive reader 3  I don’t really have one :(

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

Nah, used to be as a kid tho

121. Are you mean?

Nah, man

122. Is cheating ever okay?

No.  There’s probably a very VERY specific scenario brought on by many other specific actions within a relationship where it might, MAYBE, slightly be the smallest bit justified, but I don’t know what that would be off the top of my head and no one should break someone’s trust like that.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Nah, my shoes get dirty no matter where I go, lol

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Yup

125. Do you believe in true love?

Yeah

126. Are you currently bored?

Nah, I love tumblr asks, dude

127. What makes you happy?

Music, friends and escapsim

128. Would you change your name?

Nah, I’ve come to terms with it now

129. What your zodiac sign?

Libra

130. Do you like subway?

Of course B)

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

I’d prolly see how it goes! :)  I certainly wouldn’t complain!

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

One of my mutuals!

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

“No matter what it is we've facedIt's now part of usWe can overcome” - As I Lay Dying - Overcome

134. Can you count to one million?

I think? hahahah

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

I had every single PS2 game ever created... kids, eh?

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Closed 1000000%

137. How tall are you?

about 5′11″

138. Curly or Straight hair?

Straight hair on me, doesn’t make a difference on others B)

139. Brunette or Blonde?

Blonde (but Brunette is gorgeous too)

140. Summer or Winter?

Summer (But Christmas time is GREAT)

141. Night or Day?

Night, mostly!

142. Favourite month?

October, maybe?  Either than or July, idk

143. Are you a vegetarian?

Nope

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

Dark B)

145. Tea or Coffee?

Coffee

146. Was today a good day?

So far, yeah! :)

147. Mars or Snickers?

Mars 100000000%

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“The best thing you can do is follow your dreams“ - James Owen Sullivan (The Rev)

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

Yup, 100%!

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

There isn’t one! :(

THANKS ANON!

[immachubs]

This is my rant. Y’all can skip. it’s endless and idek what it’s about.

Dah food ahah but still. Leave.

i fucking hate myself, i had my food planned and i was sorta confident, all i want to do is finish a god damn 20 hr fast which isn’t even long but like i keep making it to 18 and then stopped never 20. i used to be able to get to 24 hours easy, but now i’m weak. since i work they were throwing out sandwiches so i took it since i don’t like wasting food but i should have but i’m a fucking idiot, and so i ate it when i got home even though i should have waited till my 20 hours was up i fucking didn’t cause i’m fat. so i ate it and i didn’t really feel guilty about it bc i was like this will be my dinner, then after my other work i planned to have mango to like sooth my cravings and prevent a binge i wasn’t even feeling like binging but then i opened the freezer and saw a fucking mcflurry, so of course i are it, like wth dude why you weren’t even hungry, you weren’t even having a binge, it’s 640 calories so now tomorrow i’m gonna do a 20 hours fast and you are GOING TO DO ITTTTT!!!! school starts back on monday and you need to start off clean and empty. I LOVED QUARANTINE! after binging everyday for 3 months straight as i was too much into a depression to even realise, it’s the first time in my life my head hasn’t been directly focused on food or like subconsciously thinking and worrying. kinda nice to have a break but also sucked because my suicidal intrusive thoughts were the only thing i was thinking about, legit couldn’t only fall asleep if i imagined i was stabbing myself by a pool and blood going everywhere while i’m having a mental breakdown as my friends watch me. it was relaxing for some fucked up reason. but to quarantine, i legit exercised every day, and ate under 700 calories (which i know is a lot but it’s better than binging a million cals) but i was eating healthy food, like a bunch of vegetables and tuna and like volume eating, and i only ate one meal but was ful and satisfied, if i went over i finally actually vomited every time i purged as before i always would try but i just couldn’t no matter how long i spend on it. BUT I LOST WEIGHT sadly i don’t own a scale it’s something my broke ass needs to bye stat, however my friend has one and when i stay over i weight myself like 8 times a day so i feel like i’ll just wanna die every time as you cannot loose 5kg within an hour. I wish though. ARGHHHHHHHHHH I JUST WANNA BE FUCKING SKINNY OR ATLEAST FEEL LIKE IM MAKING PROGRESS BUT MY STUPID ASS BINGES SO FRICKEN MUCH I HAVENT KEPT A RESTRICTING STREAK IN LIKE MONTHS. Anyways gn. fuck this shit imma out here.

[peachdaydream]

GOT7 Dark Past

*Gif is not mine

HOO BOY HERE WE GO. ARE YOU READY. LET’S GO.

Mark

you found the ‘A’ teasers by pure accident

it popped up on your suggested videos by accident and you’re like ???? then you clicked on it

RAMYEON HAIR MARK

you couldn’t believe t h i s was your sweet, cute boyf

you had to replay it a couple of times, cringing just as much w/ each replay

no clue how to reveal you finally knew what his fans meant by noodle hair

everyone else’s teasers had distinctive lines whilst his was just 'come with me’

THEN an idea hits you

you’re p close with his stylist, you talked w/ her when you were on set and mark had to go for his shoot

so you hit her up and asked her for a favor

and she DELIVERED

next time mark took you to a photo shoot set, you told him you’d meet him there

he doesn’t see you when you first walk in with his exact outfit from the teaser on

everyone knows what you’re up to n they can’t hold in their laughter

jackson almost blows the surprise by squealing real loud but jinyoung shuts him up

when it’s mark’s turn to be photographed you’re the one who gets him

he doesn’t up from his phone when you walk in

then you grab his wrist and tug,

“A...Come with me...”

he looks up, sees what you’re wearin

falls out of his chair n onto the floor, wigglin his feet as he laughs in disbelief

can’t look at you the entire shoot or else he bursts out into laughter and goes red

Jaebum

refuses to see any evidence of his dark past

in such denial abt it and thinks you’ll never find it

lmao........he tHOUGHT

one day one of the IGOT7′s tweeted @ you like ‘hey what do u think about JB’s dark past’ and linked you to the cursed video itself

....you knew they had a dark past of some sort but damn........know you knew why they never mentioned it

ofc you don’t tell him right away that you found the videos

you don’t until one day you’re out w/ all of them.....at the park..playing basketball 

jaebum’s sat out to catch his breath for a bit and you see the opportunity

you take the ball and the boys still on the court stare at you like ?? hey where u goin

jaebum watches as you saunter over to him with the ball under under your arm

all of the boys’ eyes are on the two of you, tryin to figure out what’s goin on

the scene is vaguely familiar to him then it suddenly clicks in his head n before he can stop you-

“A~ You like me, right~?”

silence as you turn away, trying not to fall over laughing

jaebum_cannot_compute.exe

and then jackson starts screaming

mark’s on the floor doing his chicken laugh

jinyoung has gone pale

youngjae has cringed so much it looks like he’s trying to curl into himself

bambam and yugyeom are speechless you jUST DID THAT

jaebum stays shook for a solid hour afterwards

makes you promise to never mention it again

u don’t but everyone else does

he gets war flashbacks every time it’s mentioned

Jackson

you actually already saw the ‘A’ teasers but just forgot about them bc he never mentioned it

then you watched their episode of Weekly Idol and the videos of them recreating it

all the comments suggested that you should recreate his teaser w/ him and video his reaction

your twitter blows up soon after the video airs with the same requests

and you’re like damn they smooth bc they know full well jackson won’t see bc he doesn’t have twitter

bambam himself tweets @ you to do it

finally you give in “aight seems fun, i’ll give the people what they want”

you get mark n jinyoung involved and they’re 10000% on board

the others know n wanna watch so you let them sneak around with jinyoung who was in charge of filming the whole thing

fast forward to the destined day

you and jacks are on your way back to their dorm after a lunch date

the group have been following you on the way back

somehow jackson hasn’t noticed them

he suspects nothing as he wraps his arm around your shoulder and you wrap your arm around his waist

then you hear mark on his skateboard behind you

it’s time

you quickly use your grip on jacks to turn him away from mark zooming past

he recognizes what’s going on and freezes, staring at you wide eyed n you can see he’s beggin you not to do what he thinks you’re gonna do with his eyes

“A! I told you to stand by me!”

you’re not sure what’s louder

his shrieking or the boys’ screaming as they run around the corner, jinyoung with the camera in his hand

you post it on twitter and it blows up, to the point where interviewers ask about it when mentioning the groups’ dark past

Jinyoung

yugyeomie was the one who showed it to you as revenge

knew you’d do something w/ it

he was 100% correct

but you had to be slick as hell 

if you acted a lil off then jinyoung would know something was up

he knew you too well

so you didn’t plan anything, you just waited for the opportunity

your patience was rewarded, it didnt take too long for the moment to come

you were at your place, having a movie night with home made food and wine

got7 finished promoting so jinyoung could relax and drink a lil more

didn’t take too long for him to get tipsy

you knew this was your ~chance~

so you placed your hand on his shoulder to bring his attention to you and you just-

“A~...Jinyoungie, you’re drunk, right?”

suddenly jinyoung's sober

he’s sat up lookin like not a drop of alcohol has entered his system

he’s just staring @ you, his expression unreadable

inside his head ‘what the fuck what the fuck i made sure you didn’t go anywhere near those videos what the fuck who the fuCK-’

you begin to get nervous and think........maybe.......this wasn’t.......a good idea.........

he asks you who showed you, voice flat n lookin grimly serious

you sweat...........but don’t say anything

you ain’t no snitch

but then he’s on you and tickling you

and you break

he says thank you before pressing a kiss to your lips and texting someone on his phone

pray 4 yugyeom

Youngjae

happened during a v live he was hosting when the two of you were taking a walk with coco down the han river

will never live it down

no one lets him live it down

you watched the teasers when they came out n forgot about them bc it was before you began dating your sunshine boy

it popped back into your head when youngjae suggested getting ice cream on your walk with coco

you agreed and went to the nearest store

he waited outside with coco and talked to the fans

not even the IGOT7′s watching knew what was gonna hit them when you came out of the convenience store with two ice creams in hand

with a happy smile you took his phone to video him and handed him his ice cream, asking brightly

“A~ This is the one you like, right? Mm~ Delicious!”

youngjae damn near dropped his ice cream on coco

your sunshine was just looking at you like you just told his worst secret

(；゜○゜)

the v live chat was freaking out in different languages

he was getting progressively redder as seconds passed

you were laughing, trying not to choke on your ice cream

coco was happily eating the ice cream youngjae dropped

by the time he snapped out of it you were almost in tears bc of laughter

gets ‘mad’ @ you

you didn’t take him seriously bc he was still bright red

stays pouty even after you buy him a new ice cream

refuses to forgive you until after the stream when you’re able to say sorry with kisses and hugs

Bambam

anytime you saw baby-faced bambam you squealed with delight

you look at your dabdab BAMBAM now and wonder

damn.......what happened

juST KIDDING

more like

damn how’d this boy get so wild™

so ofc you knew the ‘A’ teasers existed

whenever you were sad and bam wasn’t there you watched his video to simultaneously laugh and cringe at him

such day came when you were watching the teasers out of pure boredom

but then......you realized.....

they had a fanmeet today......

the idea popped into your head and you never left your place faster

donning your makeshift disguise (face mask + snap back...genius)

you entered the fanmeet venue, sure that you were gonna surprise bam

didn’t even make it to the stage to say hi to the boys when bam tripped over one of the chairs on the way to his seat and almost slammed into the damn table

this was your moment

so you stood and screamed from where you were in the audience, the stupidest grin on your face

“A~! YOU’RE SO CLUMSY!”

IGOT7′s lost it

boys were laughing

bam looked shooketh

bambam’s eyes zoned in on you so fast

wasn’t hard to spot you since you were wearing his snapback

you became as famous like that one fangirl who threatened to sue min yoongi

i c o n i c

Yugyeom

hooman

yugyeom knows better than anyone that his teaser was by far the most cringe worthy

boy was so damn extra to make sure you didn’t see it

comes up on your suggested videos?

“HEY BABE LETS GO OUT I FOUND A NEW CAFE WE HAVENT GONE TO YET”

jinyoung tries to show you?

sprints from wherever he is to slap the devise out of his hand

bambam tries to directly tell you?

“BAMBAM I THINK I HEARD JAEBUM CALL FOR YOU BYYYEEEE”

so

damn

extra

doesn’t know you already watched it

you don’t let him know until he takes you out again to try and hide the teaser from you

you decided that this is it....this is the day....

you’re talking and feeding each other cake when you take in his unsuspecting face eating the piece you fed him

“A~ Yugyeommie, how do you like me?”

he cHOKES

you leap out of your seat to make sure he’s okay

everyone in the cafe is looking at you weird as you try to save your boyfriend

neither of you know whether to laugh or cry

at the moment it’s leaning toward cry

you’ll laugh at the memory............someday

still doesn’t let you watch the video in his presence

also still extra abt it

[howshouldiknowboutlife]

Tag! I’m it!

I’m honored that @umisabaku thinks I’m enough of a writer person to tag me again! Wow.

1) How many works in progress to do you currently have? Hrmm... Well if we consider WIP to be things we have def started writing actual scenes for, then I have 8 prompts I’m trying to get myself to write. If we count them as AU ideas that we have fleshed out waay too much but havent done anything with yet but really want to someday, then the count (including fanfiction and my own original story ideas) is somewhere closer to ... 44.   ⁄(⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄ 2) Do you/would you write fan fiction? I am doing so! Even though its still fairly new to me (I found fanfiction only a year ago. Crazy how it feels like I’ve known it forever) 3) Do you prefer paper books or ebooks? Honestly, I think I prefer ebooks, just for the access from anywhere and the fact that its not an extra thing to carry around. That’s not to say I dont really like paper books tho; they just currently seem like more of an unnecessary hassle.

4) When did you start writing? Well, I actually wrote my first finished fic earlier this year (I think only a few months ago, wow). But I have been coming up with original story ideas and writing out characters and worldbuilding and scene ideas/plot points for as long as I can remember. The total amount of - I call them Stories bc I’m ~original~ -- that I have come up with is unknown but definitely over 90. I would even say over 100, but I havent counted recently. (Dropbox is a blessing lol.) Not that all of them are viable ideas that I want to pursue, but they are things I’ve made and I would never want to delete them. :) 5) Do you have someone you trust that you share your work with? Yup!! I have tried multiple times (before I found the fanfiction community) to share my Storie ideas with my close friends. But it’s kinda hard to explain why all of your characters are gay when you dont yet know you’re bi and your friends are all sheltered straights. orz But then fanfic came along and I bonded over it with a new friend in college, and all of a sudden I had someone to gush to who didn’t need extra explaining and who also wrote embarrassing gay stories! We got along like fire and oil and I tell them everything. Its wonderful!! 6) Where is your favorite place to write? My bed at home. Its the most consistent place for sure (theres usually always a bed, no matter which home I’m currently staying with), its comfy, and there are plenty of pillows to act as makeshift desk or cuddle partner. 7) Favorite childhood book? Ooh, many. The ones that stick out to me the most tho (based purely on amount of rereads I blessed them with) are Ever by Gail Carson Levine (independent female lead, a cute god boyfriend, and their quests to save each other and themselves), and Hawksong by Amelia Atwater-Rhodes (the leaders of two warring, culturally-opposite shifter groups must marry each other if they want to find peace for their people. such lovely slow build romance). Though I don’t recommend the rest of the Hawksong books past book 2.

8) Writing for fun or writing for publication? Fun. And as a measure of personal bravery, skill, and mental growth. It’s interesting to go back to the stories I really liked with my new knowledge and see all the places I can make it better and more realistic (its kinda embarrassing too, but I try to ignore that). 9) Pen and paper or computer? Uhhh... both-ish? I like the computer for portability, but my typing is not fast enough for thought so I use a stylus and OneNote to write it out digitally and then type it up later. 10) Have you ever taken any writing classes? Nothing beyond normal college english/lit courses. 11) What inspires you to write? The story ideas just come to me with little to no prompting, and I enjoy them enough to explore them. Invariably, I’ve learned that if I don’t write them down in some way, the idea I liked will be lost to memory (which has happened and I still rue it). The words get put on screen by the idea that if other first time writers can brave the seas of AO3 and Tumblr, then so can I. Validation/the desire to be seen and recognized by others is probly what ultimately pushes me to post what I’ve done.

Wow, ok, that was long! If you made it to the bottom, I congratulate you! Thanks for listening!! ヽ(^◇^*)/

Uhm, next taggers, lets see... @subversive-socialite, @arcs-and-blah, and @ezra-blue

[outsiderempire]

you know what. even tho mentally i havent been doing so well lately im like really fuckin proud of myself. because with all the bullshit i have going on i still find the motivation to get up every single day and work out for 2 hours, even if i dont want to, and because of that ive lost 12 lbs since i began working out in may this year. the last time i lost that much weight was the beginning of high school when i got a physical and was told i was really overweight so i cut out regular soda and dropped about 10 lbs. 

this time around was different. had to be different. i have had to work my motherfucking ass off every fucking day just to drop that much weight. i have had to learn self control, not to overindulge in everything i eat, i had to cut out most fast food, and learn not to eat just because i was bored but only to eat when i need to. which was really difficult and still is.

all of that combined with all the other bullshit ive been putting up with, its just honestly amazing to me that ive managed to keep up with it all. and its not just about losing weight to be attractive. no. im tired of being unhealthy, of feeling weak and disgusting because i dont take care of my body better. and now ive got all of this inspiration and i want to be strong and healthy and stop destroying my body. because i can only continue doing that for so long before i hit my forties or fifties and die from a fuckin heart attack or something. i have heart disease in my family i have to be careful of that shit. i dont want to go thru everything my mom has gone through you know.

i havent hit my first goal weight yet. i still have about 4 lbs to lose before i hit the first goal but even so im still fuckin proud of myself and im not letting anything bring me down or get in the way of that feeling. sure im still going to have off days, but everyone does.

ive grown to love pushing myself and seeing all the progress ive made. like recently when i went hiking i climbed a big ass fucking hill that went on for a long time and i was out of breath by the time i reached the top but if i had tried doing that months ago i wouldnt have made it to the top. and i can just feel how much stronger my legs are, how much better my endurance has gotten, and it feels awesome. 

now i wanna focus a lot on strengthening my arms and my core so i can do more upper body strength training. as of right now its very difficult, and almost impossible, for me to do certain exercises like full push ups and things like that. like my body just collapses in on itself when i try to do very strenuous upper body exercises like that, so thats definitely my next big step. 

i had an incident when i went hiking a few weeks back where i almost fell off a huge rock because my upper body wasnt strong enough to keep me up and if it werent for the guy i was with lending me his foot to use as leverage i wouldve fallen. and there were times i wanted to climb up steep ledges and couldnt because i didnt have the strength to pull myself up them. so i would say upper body and core are the areas i need to start working on and strengthening. 

its not gonna be easy but im up for the challenge. i know even if it takes a lot of time, i will slowly improve, i just gotta keep up with what im doing, maintaining this motivation, and hopefully sometime next year i’ll be a lot healthier than i am now and i can feel better about myself. 

im not gonna lie and say im not self conscious at all, i can be sometimes, but my appearance isnt what gets me down most of the time. i dont care what people think of me, i have no one to impress, and i dont need to impress anyone. but i do want to impress myself and that means getting stronger, becoming healthier, eating better, being more active, and that’s what i’ve set out to do. 

this is the most progress ive ever made and its been rough, its taken a lot of time for such a small reward, and its not going to get any easier, but this is what i really want, what ive always wanted, and even tho the progress has been slow and small i am damn proud of myself for it because that shit took so much fucking energy and effort every fucking day and continues to do so.

ive come to realize there are a lot of things in my life right now i have no control over, but this is something that is entirely within my control and im taking advantage of that and putting all of my energy into that. and it really helps. i feel more in control of myself than i ever have, i feel more confident than i ever have, and more proud of myself than i ever have, and it feels fucking great.

[sillyandquiteawkward]

ive had this list of all the steam powered giraffe songs listed in order of my favorite to least favorite in each album, but i havent done anything with it and i made the list last year. thought id might as well post it!

each song has a little blurb about that song, and the reason i like it. strictly my opinions on the songs, but i tried to include some of the technical stuff so if you hadnt heard the song before, you could get a Feel of it.

album one

steam man band - wonderful lyrics and vocals! the robotic twinge i lovely and i wish this was longer. i love the lyric “count to twenty, one is plenty”

clockwork vaudeville - a charming song about a boy seeing the robots for the first time at a fair and you feel it in every note. theres a part where the spine switches to a more harsh voice and it works wonderfully to contrast the smoothness of thus far.

electricity is in my soul - again, i love the robotic edge this song has, but it also is smooth. the lyrics and vocals are amazing. so fun to sing along to.

brass goggles - the first song i heard of them, the three part harmonies are to die for and rabbit kills it. in the original version, the voices are super busy and super robotic and tbh its my fav version because of this. i adore when they split into three parts and sing their own thing.

sound of tomorrow - i love the chorus, especially the echo the spine does. love all the weird lyrics the jon sings.

blind minstrels ballad - i love how ambient and mysterious it is. sets the mood for a story. i love the jons voice.

steam man band reprise - i love michaels voice and the staticy effects the band had a lot of in this album. the lyrics work really well and i wish this was longer.

captain albert alexander - one of my favorite hero songs, caa is a whirlwind adventure of a man who loves the sea. i love the story line and it hits you hard emotionally

out in the rain - ambiance! i love the mood this song sets.

on top of the universe - a cute song about being in love, very charming and captures the feeling of falling in love at first sight. i love the end part where the spine has to be beat up.

ice cream parade - hilarious! works well as a skit but the song itself is messy. i like the horse adventure part (of course i start to like it when the spine starts singing).

2cent show

automatonic electronic harmonics - western vibes but keep the steam punk feel! robotic themed but focused around the spines feeling and experiences. i love the screaming. the second spg song i listened to.

circuitry - i cant understand what their saying, but i love the robotic screeching and words you can just barely understand. a circusy feeling.

juju magic - the jon kills it with the mood again, i love that you have that steamboat feel, but now everything is going crazy. nothing is right and the lyrics dont make sense but it works wonderfully.

me and my baby - this song makes you want to dance and the spine kills the vocals.

one way ticket - i love the feel of this song! the lyric “the conductor plays the bass, and the train it has a face” just. gives you that mood that this is all magical and cartoony and its just an adventure your having on a train.

the suspender man - one of my other favorite hero song. the lyrics can get strange at times but thats part of the charm. its so fun to sing along, especially in the fast parts. i love singing never 21 times.

steamboat shenanigans - i adore the lyrics. youre standing on a boat running on music and good feeling. the lyrics are silly and the vocals are wonderful. rabbit has a charming edged voice. uncle ralphie makes his appearance in a tuba

prelude to a dream - again, michaels charming voice strikes again. the way the lyrics are sung are eerie but strike you.

the ballad of lily - what is it with me and liking the segway songs more than the actual songs. the ballad of lily slowly builds into something greater as time goes on and i love the accordion.

make believe - another song i want to dance to, the chorus is so fun and great. this song is about being good.

honeybee - one of my favorite parts of this is how when the robots sing “bee” it reminds me of the subtle sounds of a bee buzzing. a sad song about love, maybe something we can relate to.

rex marksley - a wild wild west adventure following the greatest hero, rex wanders around doing good deeds for his life. a great beat and chorus, but it the verses that make it great.

scary world - i love the tentative way things are sung, spine and the gang are scared during this song, something is afoot. pretty sure the morse code says something serious and imaginative, and then ends with the word “bananimals”

thatll be the way home - another era song, you get the feel of the time period like a lot of the other songs on this album. thatll is a really fun word to sing repeatedly.

airheart - a story about a part airplane part woman who becomes a great pilot. a cute story with a great harmony.

little birdie - cute lyrics, the mood of the song is so strange and not how you would think.

mk3

go spine go - easily one of my favorite songs. a jazzy sort of song about the spine having diarrhea. poor spine gets harassed by his band mates

roller skate king - all time favorite hero song. rsk is just a fun guy who roller skates and wants other people to have fun. i cant help but to dance to this song and the chorus is super catchy.

wired wrong - a song that hits too far home. weve all felt wired wrong one way or another. the harmonies are so solemn but hit all the right emotions.

hatch fever - hatchworths debut song. hes still learning what its like to be one of the singing bots so hes still working out the kinks. fast and catchy, i love the abrupt breaks in the song.

fancy shoes - mysterious fancy shoes from a mouse find themselves on hatchys feet. i love the tangents and the footfall sounds at the beginning set the mood of the strange yet serious mood of the song.

steam powered giraffe - you can feel everyone getting ready to sing, i love how you hear about the robots being robots. i love the contrast between all the robots voices tied together with lovely lyrics and a fun beat.

ghost grinder - rabbit strikes again with a chilling song, but this song works the scary theme into a fun halloweeny song about a dancing event.

mecto amore - i love the sultry kind of beat this song has at the beginning. always in love with songs that remind you these singers are robots.

turn back the clock - i cried listening to this song like full on sobbing. rabbit has such a true performance of watching a little girl grow up in little to no time. the song is heart wrenching but worth a listen to understand a part of rabbits character. you can feel her emotions as she laments time.

please explain - silly lyrics that fit together nicely. a series of questioning things the robots dont understand. the spines verse is funny not because of the spine, but the other robots making razzberry sounds during it.

a way into your heart - a love letter to the fans. weve had hard times but the robots will be there for us to sing with and get a smile back on our face. a cute song, but the first few lyrics are sung awkwardly.

bleak horizon - i think its hilarious when the little kid is just like “...bye” a chilling song about the future. harmonies are on point

steam powered giraffe reprise - a cute idea that works really well on stage and kind of random on the cd. the robots have been reset and now sing in japanese. kind of stunted sounding japanese but the song is still catchy and lively.

ill rust with you - this song screams grease. super 70s and you pick up that feel immediately. you can practically imagine rabbit in the all the clothes she describes

she said maybe - another song boasting spines vocal range. kind of creepy.

vice quadrant

its cosmic - the chorus, god the chorus. the progression of notes leaves my ears wanting only more.

the speed of light - you can pinpoint just where the song takes its turn from innocent amazement to more sinister. all this power, you feel invincible. chilling, just like all the song about the astronaut. the build up is amazing.

progress and technology - i adore the spines sharpness of his voice. the robotic feel matches the theme of how the future has come so far. slightly ominous in its lyrics, you feel like something will go wrong with this utopia.

oh no - legit sobbed the first few times i listened to it. the soliton reprise kills me every time. the first word sung is actually my favorite, but i love the pacing of this song, especially at the beginning

daughter of space - the story lyrics that the spine continues to excel at. i love how the lyrics mimic the astronauts feelings towards the daughter of space.

on a crescendo - soft, homely, this song lets you live in the comfort of your time while describing how far humans have come. im so glad a song so chill made it into this album.

commander cosmo - im so glad dwight is ok. captures the emotions and the views of both commander and the public. an emotional roller coaster.

necrostar - rabbit kills it with the sexy deep, scary lyrics. necrostar cant help but to sound sultry as he describes how he is the one to destroy humanity

steamjunk - the perfect opener for winks arc. lost, but hopeful. i love the progression of the song and the chorus.

the pulls - ive never loved a waltz so much. morbid lyrics sung beautifully and calmly toward you. so strange that hatchworth sings low, but i wouldnt have it any other way

whale song - oh so, so cute. oh my gosh. so. cute. rabbit is just teeth rottingly adorable and im so glad we get to hear her take center stage on her accordion. i love the conversation of them just starting a song on the fly.

the vice does tight - harmonies! scary, and set the mood of the impending doom. i love how the lyrics flow and adore how the singers switch

where i left you - saddening, but in the longing sense. hatchworths voice is back to the countertenor were used to.

wink the satellite - hatchworth and wink are just too cute. i love the speaking parts.

fire fire - a lovely song, that is until you realize what its about. this guy just does not have good luck. loses a lot of the emotion of the live performance, but it works to separate the graphic scenes from the audience. back ups make the song. the pinao crawling up the scales gives me chills.

soliton - a love song in its core. love the build up to the chorus. i love when cosmic sings as well! because she loves the astronaut too.

burning in the stratosphere - short and sweet. i love the suspense and build of the countdown and the irony.

star valley night - i love the off key sort of singing for some reason. the up and downs are wrong in all the right ways. cute silly lyrics from all the bots.

starburner - a cute, up beat song. maybe wishing on stars isnt a good idea, but the conversations in this song make this song cute. more spine crying plz

starlight star shine - love that acoustic guitar, especially since so much of this album is synthesized and electronic. a charming love song.

the space giant - i love the conversations that take place in this song. the story progression and especially the part where their blasting off of earth are great.

over the moon - catchy and sweet. the chorus is my favorite part.

sky sharks - not really a fan of professor elemental, but i love the silliness of the song. strange things are happening but its so silly and presented silly. song gets dated with a 50 shades of grey reference.

hold me - sad, but lovely. the verses are cute.

gg the giraffe - cute lyrics! gg introduces herself and expects only gratitude for existing. gg voice is meant to be obnoxious however and makes the song a little hard to bear.

steam world heist (not including remakes of the songs)

what we need are some heroes - i fell in love with this song at first listen. such a depressed world, but hope is always on the horizon. im always a sucker for the spines voice. “forever and a day” always hits me hard for some reason. the chorus is so hopeful.

the red queen - grew on me. originally i was upset things payed into a red queen sense, but the sharp noises vocals and robotic laughing, well, that grows on a person. i loved all the staticy distorted noises.

the vast frontier - so chilling, hatchworth returns with his slightly morbid lyrics and wonderfully written music.

star scrap - another song i cant help but to sing with. a bit depressing, but fits the mood of the album. i love the ending

the stars - i love how space western this song is. back to the old roots, perhaps. again, im at the mercy of spines wonderful vocals. hatchworths verse is silly and cute and im not even mad it breaks the song up

prepare for boarding - i love the shifts in this song, they all work well to make the song interesting.

quintessential

only human - this song never fails to make me smile. hatchworth can sing and help me as much as he wants. sigh. he just wants things to be easier and better for us. i love the other robots interjections, but hatchworth is the real star of the show.

the ballad of delilah morreo - the rapid one right after the other beat of the lyrics and music make me love this song so much. the chorus is killer. “bat and beast and wolf and spider” always gets stuck in my head

overdrive - i love the echo that the band sings. everyone is so great in this song. hatchworth has the greatest lines but once the beat drops, oh boy. those harmonies. reminds you how robotic they are without being the same robotic they were in the first few albums. theyve been refined and fixed up. maybe not the biggest fan of the rap.

malfunction - this song can hit close to home. a different take on being wrong than something like wired wrong, but this one chooses to embrace those malfunctions. the chorus is lovely

photographic memories - maybe a bit slow at points, but sets up this new lover the spine seems to infatuated with. this isnt some fling, this is someone he wanted to spend his life with. the verses make the song, but the chorus doesnt holdout. the music in between verse keep you interested and the subtle changes keep you on your toes as the song shifts.

i dont have a name for it - such a charming, cute love song. i absolutely adore when the bots switch off singing words and parts of words. that up and down of their voices hits me just right.

sleep evil sleep - the lyrics are dreamy, but solidify in just the right moments. this song is about taking a break from the awfulness, just for one night.

blue portals - the chorus really keeps with you, another song where hatchworth just wants to do good, although this lets you see his more chaotic side.

salgexicon - honestly i still cant believe they made their dnd characters part of the spg lore. among hero songs, this one is pretty memorable, even if its cluttered with so many characters. the chorus gets stuck in your head, but the verses are what keep me interested. im glad salgexicon cries a lot but is still heroic.

leopold exeditus - i absolutely love the music that accompanies the song. the chorus is great and i love the divergence in the middle. “mozambique” is the best word ive ever heard get sung ever.

dream machine - a lovely closing piece, now that the evil sleeps, she can sleep and dream. seems almost like amsr during the verses.

love world of love - the beginning lyrics are my favorite, which make up for the repetitive chorus.