#i havent written any in forever + i dont know how to interact with other fans anymore. hi ^_^

[yeoldontknow]

❧ check in tag

tagged by the sweetest angel @propinqxity to do this little tag. this is such a cute list of questions, and some of these i dont think ive been asked before. thank you so much for the tag and the tumblr crush mention lovely. you truly are a bright spot on this website and i mean that sincerely <333

going under a cut because im certain i will ramble ~

1. Why did you choose this url?

its sort of like a pun between yall dont know and the fact that, hopefully, sincerely, chanyeol does not in fact know that i run this blog lmao i changed to this after a long time of being bread-jinie and i wanted to rebrand. i will, however, do my best to never change URLs again because the masterlist switch over was a complete hassle

2. Any sideblogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them

i have a fic recs blog called @yeoldontknowiread. as to why i have it, i know it hasnt been updated in ages since ive been kind of on hiatus, but i think reading and sharing work on this platform is immensely important. i actually read quite a lot of fanfiction, and i try my best to share the things i read. im very very behind on recs at the moment cause i try my best to write something substantial for every recommendation i make. as a writer, i know exactly the kinds of thoughts and feedback on fics that make my heart soar so i try to put in the same energy to my recs. community is only fostered when there is reciprocation

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

hmmm since april 2017. i actually had my 4 year anniversary this year and i did have plans for things but i got roped into real life things and couldnt celebrate the way i truly wanted to :(

4. Do you have a queue tag?

no but sometimes i think i should. i view tags as a library on top of my knee jerk response to things. most of my tags are just my initial thoughts or feelings at any given moment, so those take precedence over a specific queue tag

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

when i was getting into exo, i was reading fanfiction like crazy. i used to write fanfic quite a lot in other fandoms, but at that time i hadnt written anything in about 2.5 years. exo was the first re-introduction to that feeling of excitement and inspiration. after about 3 weeks of straight reading, i decided i wanted to write again. i wrote the prologue to hero in about two hours and tried logging into AO3 to post it. sadly i forgot all of my log in information because it had been years, and was getting frustrated. i really wanted to put it somewhere out of fear that id lose interest if i didnt do something with it, and everything id read had been on tumblr. so i made a tumblr just to put hero lmao i didnt have any mutuals. it was a blog with straight 0. i hadnt even created an account to interact with writers before that moment, i really thought id be a silent reader forever. but exo woke me back up and for that i am eternally grateful.

6. Why did you choose your icon?

the yours music video is...so stunning? like the colour theory throughout the whole thing is truly so inspiring and gorgeous. and this shot of chanyeol looking at the painting took my breath away, truly. tulips and the color of peach, like do you know how evocative that is? ugh

7. Why did you choose your header

my header was made by @jamaisjoons for my birthday this year because shes literally the most talented person when it comes to graphics. and this was so kind of her to do, i cried a lot

8. What's your post with the most notes?

uhm....either the body through time or truth i cant remember which but i checked recently and its one of those

9. How many mutuals do you have?

honestly at this point im not even sure. i know ive lost a bunch while i was on hiatus because i was basically a dead blog, and some people do dash cleanses. and im certain others have left, too, for their own reasons. still, i have a good core of friends though who are active and that is enough for me

10. How many followers do you have?

more than i probably deserve

11. How many people do you follow?

399

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

uhm i guess? there was a time when nng was not updated and every wednesday id post the days go by music video in sadness and grief but im not a big shitposter. if i make a text post its usually a life update or me crying about chanyeol, theres no inbetween lmao

13. How often do you use Tumblr every day?

tbh i havent used tumblr that often, not since march i think. i used to use it many times a day, checking in on friends and stuff, but once i started focusing on my phd applications i was only here sporadically. i didnt make an announcement either, just let my blog run on queue so i wasnt totally gone. i think i was checking in twice a week or maybe once every two weeks to refill my queue and check mentions etc. but now that my interviews are done im trying to get back on here daily to reconnect

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

ive had my share of disagreements with people and any details about those situations shall remain as they are meant to: private

15. How do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?

in what context? like, you need to reblog this or your wish wont come true? or like, please reblog this to spread the word/spread awareness, etc? in the case for the former, i scroll right by. in the case of the latter, if im around and see someone raising a go fund me or some major event is occurring and i find a post with good sources or charities i will reblog. mostly though, the full extent my activism isnt really on this blog. its my escape from reality. my activism is usually placed on other platforms.

16. Do you like tag games?

i doooo!!! theyre so fun i love learning about my friends

17. do you like ask games?

i love those too! theyre so cute and usually a nice way to have interaction immediacy with people in the community

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

no one. can we please abandon this notion of fame on tumblr? arent we all here to write about some dick and some smut and some fluff and then hang out together and log off? lmao tumblr isnt reality and followers/fame is so arbitrary on this platform, no one has any control over any of it

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

i am in love with so many people here. let me name a few:

@yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @j-pping @jamaisjoons @inkedtae @kookdiaries @yoonia @dulcetvk @kithtaehyung @imdifferentshadesofpurple @ditzymax @sugaurora @sahmbtsficrecs @junghelioseok @yeojaa @augustbutwinter @joonscore @btssavedmylifeblr @cutechim @sunshinekims @kimtaehyunq @ouvuo @delhyun @exo-stentialism @sooibian @softyoongiionly @jinseunie @zibermuda @bratkook @1kook @luffles424 @xjoonchildx

and so many other people and mutuals that i am certainly forgetting. love is such an expansive feeling, and it encompasses platonic ardor and creative desire. i admire every single person listed for so many different reasons, and cherish and treasure them or what they provide to the community. love is such an important and broad experience. truly, i hope they feel adored every single day x

[ladybugsfanfics]

Update

hi guys, i haven’t been really that active on here other than occassionally posting a link for a story on ao3. i guess, i havent been very active in the marvel/tom hiddlestong part of things and i dont really do much on here with bnha other than promoting my stories...

anyways, i have three things to say;

one: im cutting taglist forever

im not really posting (or writing) any marvel or tom hiddleston stories so i dont see the point in taglist. in addition to that, it never did bring me a lot of joy, especially because a lot of people on a taglist don’t actually interact with the stories

(im gonna tag the people on my taglist so that they know at the end of this)

two: Shut Up and Kiss Me is on hiatus and may be discontinued

this story will be put on hiatus for now. i shouldve said something a lot sooner because i havent written anything for it since sometime in march when lockdown started. i planned the whole fic (not in very great detail) but i never found the motivation to write it and have found a lot more motivation in writing other stories. I dont think ill ever actually finish it, but i also dont like leaving stories unfinished so if you see this maybe tell me if you want to know what would’ve happened next and i could maybe write a post and maybe in the future ill find the motivation (if anyone wants to offer, you can also ask me about writing the ending yourself and i’ll reblog it and add the links to the masterlist, definitely here for that)

three: commissions

im starting uni and will be kind of broke (i have loans but they wont cover everything) so i want to put out the idea of ko-fi comissions. it can be any fandom im in (ask and ill come with something) and maybe a 500 word long story for one “coffee” on ko-fi. it can also probably be longer for more, i dont know, but im trying to put out the idea of this. other than that you can always find my ko-fi here if you’d just like to support me (i would be forever grateful). if people respond well to the ko-fi commissions i’ll make a post about how ill do it (and hopefully some will give me an idea of how, i have an idea but i am open to suggestions)

Update (yeah really soon after maybe more people will see it...): i wont continue the requests i have either

ill respond to the requests currently in my inbox with what i have of a story and give you the little i do have (unedited sorry) but i have no motivation for these stories and im really sorry because they were really exciting at the time but i never found the inspiration i needed. deeply apologize for this

(tagging the people in my taglist under the cut so that you see im not doing those anymore)

@devilbat @adefectivedetective @gamillian @he-is-chaotic-she-is-psychotic @heartislubbingdubbing @wiczer @chillcan @geeksareunique @fandom-imagines1 @murdermornings

@inlovewith3 @bookgirlunicorn @mindlesschicca @justawriterinprogress @wolfsmom1 @loser-alert @satanskatze @timetravelingsociopathicwalker @mfdisco

@plooffairy @just-the-hiddles @jennytwoshoes @lokissidehoe @fruitfly123 @princetale @scorpionchild81 @noplacelikehome77 @winterisakiller @lostsoldieronahill @nonsensicalobsessions @cherrygeek86 @louhpstuff @olyamoriarty @sunshinein17 @kthemarsian @kumikowi @secretcupcakekitty @buckygrantbarnes @josis-teacup @runawaygiirl @januarycalendargirl @funny-fangirl @kinghiddlestonanddixon @scorpiomindfuck  @dr-kayleigh-dh @inmyworstlies @twhgirl @maah-chan @florencia93c @i-am-a-mes @o-deya @eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy @cantaloupewatch @carpediem-spero @createdbyanintensenerd @beananacake @lysawayne @nightrose64 @bradfordbantams @feyre-thehighlady @thundermaximoff @lys-syl @beenthroughalot @xrainydazeteax @mautand @coldbookworm @cursed-moonstone @justanobodyinthisbigworld @holyodepius @loki-yoursaviourisherethings

@the-asexual-alien @clone-number-1

@sabine-leo @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @rjohnson1280

@iamverity

@marvelc00kie35 @southernhoney21  @senpaiweird @britkane-shsl-librarian @sociallyawkwardbeanwhowrites @rinthehufflepuff

@songforhema @drayshadow @jessyballet @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @xenwayy @ccolz88-blog @rororo06 @frackinawesomeninja @alexakeyloveloki @lifeisabitchandsoareyou 

@melannie77

(people with strikethrough are people im unable to tag)

[seonfhwa]

hello friends! tis your favorite (or not) mingi stan, here with her first follow forever! 

recently, i hit the big milestone of 1,000 followers, something i never thought would happen! really, i want to thank all of you for following me, for supporting my content, for being a part of this mess of a blog. 

to those who came on over after i remade, and to those who only started following me yesterday, i love you all from the bottom of my heart.

click for some more fun things for my moots! (it gets long, i’m so sorry)!

i was thinking of doing something special, but i don’t know to what extent i could really do for all of you guys ;; if there’s anything you want (a lil blurb, a moodboard, a smol gifset) just let me know! this part’s only for mutuals, though, so keep that in mind. i don’t know how quick i can get all of the stuff done, but i would definitely do anything for you guys!!

for my mutuals, i’ve written each of you a little message. some may be shorter than others, but know that my love is overflowing and unending even if i may not be good with words!! also this isn’t really in any specific order!

@smol-joong 🌟 miss anett... i have a whole lot to say (if i say all of it we’ll be here forever), but honestly the main thing is... you’re my number one. you’re the sweetest, the most lovely, the most heartwarming. you’re someone i can count on no matter what, whether i need a pick me up or just attention. i love you, i truly truly do, and you always know how to make me happy. thank you for being my friend, for letting me love you, and for always being there for me!

@cherryjoong 🌟 maggie!! you’re honestly the sweetest bean, the most relatable human i’ve ever met. you were one of my first mutuals who really ever spoke to me, and i will forever hold you in a special place in my heart. you’re another person who’s always there for me, who really deserves the whole wide world. thank you for having such a big, caring heart.

@honeyboysan 🌟 jules, darling jules. frankly, you’re one of my first friends on this hellsite. you know how my first thing to you was me going “i poked around on your blog for a while before finally following you”? im just a big babey and you’re one of the most lovely people in the world. i’m really glad we’re friends, that i was able to meet someone like you. you make my heart happy, and you deserve all of the happiness in the world. it’s really, really good to see you happy.

@heoneyology 🌟 miss rainah!!! everyone always says you’re the mom type, and i’d have to agree. you’re sweet, you’re loving, you’re charming, and you’re one of the funniest people i know. your love for your biases (especially jooheon, zico, hongjoong, and ravn) makes my heart swell, and whenever i see you on my dash, i just get so happy. not to mention, when you’re happy, i’m happy! thank you for always being there to pick me up when i need it, and for being a ray of sunshine in my dull life.

@multidino 🌟 kimora!!! my multifandom queen!!! honestly, first of all i want to thank you for supporting me in all of my adventures and being one of the first people to help me kickstart my vav blog. second of all-- thank you, for being you. for being a great friend, for being a kind soul, for being one of the best people on this website. you’re doing your best, and that’s what matters!!! i love you so so so so much!!!

@ateezartblog 🌟 hello my sweet pumpkin. how are you today? have you eaten? did you sleep well? are you taking care of yourself? i hope you know how much i care about you!! i know you’re usually the one to come and check up on all of us, but sometimes you need it just as much as we do. please, angel love, remember to take care of yourself, even when you feel like you shouldn’t. you are just as deserving as everyone else, and one day, i hope you can see that. until then, i’ll make sure to remind you all of the time!! i love you lots!!

@wooyuong 🌟 precious angel baby inna!! hello my sweetest beanie baby. frankly, i don’t know how someone like you wanted to be friends with someone like me, but every time we talk i’m like !! that’s her im super blessed bc !! we friends!! you’re super talented, you’re super cute, and pls pls pls always remember that!!! you deserve all good things in the world and i’m so super glad that we talk ;;;

@wangtaeil 🌟 iconic miss bee!! life’s too short to only have one bias, and your words haunt help me to this day!!! i’m really glad i met you, because you’ve kinda sorta been a really big source of inspiration and help for me, especially recently. from feeling shitty about gifs, not wanting to be around, to even needing help with some stuff, i know i can always trust you and confide in you. you’re a talented woman, and you really have so much going for you. and you want to be friends with a lil nugget like me??? i am undeserving but thankful.

@choisansbitch 🌟 upaamaaa!!! now every time i eat a tuna sandwich, i think of you (i eat tuna a lot, so take that... i’m ALWAYS thinking about you). i know when we first started talking, i was nervous because i ??? really didnt feel like i even deserved to talk to you, cause you’re like... super amazing. but i’m so glad we’re friends!! you make some of the best gifs, and even if you don’t think so, i love them so so much!! and you’re honestly one of the sweetest, most relatable people in the world. please never lose your charm, i love you so much.

@missminji 🌟 hARLSS!!!! im still shocked that your super secret detective skills figured me out, but hey!! in the end they helped because now i actually talk to my “redacted” (we all know who redacted is) and i love her sm ;;; we havent been talking too much recently (i think life’s been kicking us rip) but no matter what, i love you, and i love getting to talk to you whenever i can. thank you for being my friend, i don’t deserve someone as lovely as you.

@utopiagf 🌟 you crazy, but ily. that’s it that’s the post-- ehrbgjehb im kidding, there’s so much more. you’re literally one of the most fun, bright, cheery person, and i love seeing you around. i know you just remade (and i was confused bc i was like?? nik??? where she go??) but literally i love love love seeing & talking to you, even if these days i’m still... super intimidated by you. but you’re such a sweetheart, and thank you for blessing me with your presence in my life. uwu

@visualsan 🌟 honestly i need to talk to you more ehjbrhjge every time i talk to anett and we mention you (all good things, of course uwu) i’m like?? why do i not talk to bea more?? literally you seem like such the coolest person, and i love love love seeing you, your gifs, everything uwu so yeah!! pls let’s talk more ilysm!

@prettyseonghwa 🌟 yas, i think you have one of the biggest hearts around here. you are so caring, so loving, and you really need to know that. i love you, really, so so much. thank you for always being there for us, for always giving the best advice and love that we all need. just know!! that you deserve a break too. you deserve all of the love you give-- and more. 

@dreamboyunho 🌟 cami, miss cami, my numba 1!!! you’ve always been someone i adore and cherish with all of my heart, but even recently we connected in a different, probably more personal way. it may not have been the best of circumstances but i’m really glad we did! i treasure you so much, and i’m glad i found someone i can truly confide in. we’re like!! two peas of a pod!! i’m really super duper glad i met you and that i can call you my friend.

@jonghostation 🌟 miss adelle uwu you’re so sweet and precious and we need more jongho stans like you (and more jongho stans in general) in this world!! i love talking to you, though recently i’ve been dead and not really socializing but i really do enjoy seeing you around and getting to talk to you!! you’re such a sweet soul and i love you. recently i saw you said you lowkey wish i was your mom?? c’mere baby you’re my child now uwu thank you for being the sweetest angel. aND I COULD NEVER FORGET YOUR ICONIC URL!!! ATINY LESSGEDDIT!!! DROP THE BEAT YOOOOO!!

@celestial-yunho 🌟 nini, you are literally... so talented. i dont know how i managed to score such a talented, loving, and sweet friend. your art!! is so good and im always really excited to see more of what you do. you’re my lil moon witch, and i love you so so much. thank you for giving me the time of day to get to know you, to be able to say that’s her!! thats nini!! thats my friend uwu you’re so precious and i hope you know that!!

@nctyping 🌟 im gonna be honest idek why i first followed you-- not in a like “ugh why did a follow her,,” i literally just cannot remember why i did. either way, it was one of the best decisions i’ve ever made. you’re one of the sweetest people in the whole world and i love reading what you write. like?? teach me your ways ;;; ily abbey!!

@toothgaptual 🌟 sun sun sunshine sunnie!!! okay, we don’t talk a ton, but i love love love when we do get to interact. you always manage to put a smile on my face, and i looove seeing you on my dash. please never ever think you’re bothersome or annoying, and talk your heart out! ilysm you cutie patootie!

@wonderhwalls 🌟 sweetest little flower, i know we’re more recently mutuals/friends, but i’m really glad i met you. talking to you always makes me feel better, whether its about what we’re doing, gifs, breaks, etc. you’re a voice of reason amidst the mess of this world, and i love being able to talk to you when i need a good pick me up. ily mika!!!

@atiteez 🌟 sonia, i literally think you were the first atiny mutual i ever had. i will always, aLWAYS hold you in a special place in my heart. you’re such a precious soul, and you’re lovely inside and out. i still dunno why you call me a moodboard queen-- i’m not thaaat good at that kinda stuff-- but i love you so much nonetheless. thank you for being my friend and helping me step into atinyblr (even though now we’re dying off).

@wlwrensung 🌟 miSS YUKKIIIII i hope you’re having fun on your trip!!! you’re one of my favorite people in the whole world, and i love love love talking to you. i mean?? someone like you??? wants to be friends with someone like me?? idk what you’re on that you wanna, but pls you’re the best ;;;; thank you for looking on someone like me and deciding “that’s it that’s her i wanna be friends with her” i dont deserve you but im all heart eyes bc i get to be friends with you!!

@shikyus 🌟 im an idiot with a brain the size of a pea and the memory of a goldfish. i love you-- i really do!! you’re one of the only people i clicked with immediately, and that’s kinda rare for me. you’re a sweetheart, you’re one of the most lovely people i’ve met, but you’re so chill and cool!! how do you do it?? honestly i’m really glad i met you, because like??? how often can someone say that they met someone and immediately clicked with them? i mean ok it happens often but !!! im still shocked!!! thank you for being my friend, for being super sweet, and kind, and caring-- a-and hopefully forgiving ;;;; im sorry im a dummy ;;;;;; im a big lovable dummy tho!!!!

and last but not least, miss kiki. i know she’s isnt on tumblr for now, but if she ever sees this... i have so much to say. thank you for being one of my best friends, for being one of the sweetest people in the world. i love you, i love everything about you, and i miss you. thank you for being my friend uwu

some other super awesome mutuals that i don’t have a ton to say about (either because we’re new mutuals or i havent talked to you too much yet) that i love with all my heart nonetheless: @meinyunho @fan-chngchng @ultvisual @seonghwalove @han-seungwoo @kthscenery @yooyonqha @woovoung @sanbotaged -- come talk to me more often!! i love to be bothered uwu

super special shoutout to my 3 starlight buddies who came over here and followed me despite originally knowing nothing about ateez and still supporting, loving, and talking to me: @hakjeon @babieken and @hansanghyuked. my longest standing mutuals, and even annie’s more than just a tumblr mutual-- she’s one of my closest friends. i love you guys ;;

now, i can’t leave a special message for every single one of my followers. hell, tumblr won’t even let me tag every single one of you (stupid tag limit), but know that i still love all of you. if i could (aka if i had time and energy), i’d go down the line and personally message each and every once of you to tell you all the important things.

you are all wonderful, you are all lovely, and i’m truly blessed to have all of you following me. remember to smile, to keep your chin up, because when the world gets going tough, i’m always there to support you! i love you all lots lots lots, whether we do or don’t talk. stay sweet, angels!

[kittenmalfoysactualartblog]

You said you had characters and I’m interested to hear more. I also wanted to know what a dollhouse is. I have an idea but I don’t wanna assume ya know

*toyhouse. Or more specifically toyhou.se a website for organizing characters, sub characters, literature, and images of said characters. It's super cool, but still in beta so one needs a code. I barely managed to snap one up from someone offering online. It's a bit of a lifesaver, although a bit annoying that I have to constantly log back in.toyhou . se/ KittenMalfoy/ characters/folder:295919I'm not sure if it'll let me link since I never get asks, but delete the spaces and you've got my toyhouse and the folder of my main characters and world. Vampires basically. I have a lot of lore unfortunately it's not linked and I might have to make another post for all of that, and me and my friend are working on a unique language for the vampires. And they have their own religion, and its said that all other religions are based on it. Not all but a lot, but the vampires exaggerate. And I have this gigantic world in my head and at least 90% isn't written down anywhere.Tera Perne is the real main character and the main plot line follows her from the time she was turned until modern era. And shes somewhere around 2000 so she's interacted with so many people. At first I just had the main "side characters" if you will on toyhouse. That would be Victoir Perne, Vita and Cassius Voltair, Iggy, Larry, Davide Knighting, Elizabeth Ringer, and Narcissa, and Lilith. With some added side characters for a chiche plot line that I decided not to pursue.So these main characters are important to me and I started building their mansions and clan houses in Minecraft when I didnt have motivation to write. But I started running out of my main characters. So some dumb part of me decided let's add 28 more characters, most of whom are not yet on toyhouse. So I started making icons and outfit collages for them to get a sense of who they are. Putting them online gives them age, clan, where the live, what they do. But I still havent given them personalities, so I scrolled on here for some quick prompts to write fast one shots for these new characters.And toyhouse added the literature feature so I can connect these oneshots to my characters. Most dont have any ideas yet, but there in the works still.I have so much of the lore in my head it will fill this answer fast. But the rundown is the common weaknesses of vampires are false. They are almost God like. Unless you set them on fire. Then they're dead dead. Forever. Lilith, Adam's first wife before Eve, was the original feminist and the mother of all vampires. There are real stories about this. And I played on that as the birth of vampires. This brings into the religion. Lumos, who is the good and light and creative powers in the universe, is the actual God in Christianity. Nox is all the dark, destructive, chaotic forces in the universe, and is generally Satan/the devil, although he has more powers. And it breaks off here that Lumos created the universe, Nox likes putting his(altho technically neither sex nor gender. Same goes for Lumos) nose into everything, but they both sat back to watch Earth come together with only some minor touches. And evolution is technically correct in this world. Lumos and Nox would simply help it along in the creation of mankind.Theres a lot more to the religion, but I'll save it right now. More to vampire lore. Lilith is the mother, and for a period physically birthed what is called the first generation of vampires. When she was cursed to be a vampire, so were her children. Nox blessed them with venom to turn humans to make more of their kind. Only those who were birthed are the first generation. I think we all understand how generations work. Lilith died eventually, and so her vampire children began splitting into clans. Generally, first gens were clan leaders. Altho, of course, as time progressed younger and younger vampires started their own clans.In more modern times, surviving first gens literally have control over the world. Mankind has the illusion that they have power, but in this reality they dont. At all. Vampires choose governmental leader, plan all wars and battles. Specifically I mention Hitler and the Nazis in my story. Hitler was definitely vampire appointed and rumored to be a vampire himself. Those conspiracy theories of him surviving after the war ended. Could be true in this universe. Vampires often had Nazi servants and would use the famous Nazi human experiments to find more servants, or just used them as a guise for research of vampirism, how it works, and where it starts.Blood servants are a whole other set of lore and history. Basically if a vampire shares his blood with a human, that human loses his will and the vampire can order them to do just about anything but kill themselves. The blood servants, or slaves as vampires call them because they're assholes, have no free will.I dont know what else to add cuz I havent slept, but theres a very long but shortened version of it all without all the complexities.

[missjackil]

My 13x03 Opinion

Patience This didn’t go how I thought it would at all!! First, most were angry going into it, that it was one of the WS centric episodes, and second, it would be Sam-lite, because Jared had the week off during filming. I remember the week we found out that Jared wasn’t there that week, that there was a lot of speculation, that Sam wouldnt even be in the episode, which got Robert Berens bombarded with hate (as if it was his fault) to which he responded “Don’t worry, Sam fans will be pleased” I must say, though Sam got much more screen time than I thought he would, and his portion of the show, with Jack, stole the episode! The focus of the episode is Missouri Mosely is back, and she needs help with her granddaughter, Patience, after her psychic friend is killed by a wraith. This part, in my opinion, was decent, it was no different than any MOTW hunt. It wasnt overdone, by making Patience, Missouri or Jody seem stronger or smarter than the Winchesters. Missouri was killed early, Patience was kidnapped, Dean and Jody came to the rescue, and Dean got the kill. It wasn’t the most exciting monster hunt, but it certainly wasnt the worst. Meanwhile. Sam and Dean are not yet on the same page. Dean leaves Sam home to keep an eye on Jack, and Dean wants no parts of him.  Sam’s interaction with Jack is really awesome! I love this side of Sam, something we really havent gotten to see yet.  Sam was quiet parental with Jack, and at the same time, very much like a teacher or mentor. He’s being cautious, and he lets Jack know he’s potentially dangerous, having unknown powers at levels they have no idea of. But, he believes Jack is worth the effort of teaching to be good. Dean on the other hand does not believe he is worth the effort, and here is where I have to say, Dean is being extremely OOC. I see all you Dean girls are perfectly alright with Dean’s over harshness with Jack, condoning his outright bully attitude, instead of being pissed that he’s being written as a pure jackass right now. Not much of how Dean is acting right now, is consistant with the Dean Ive loved through the last 12 seasons. He misses Cas and Crowley, and thats fine., hes not really going overboard there, but he is insistant that they dont try to look for Mom, even though theres more evidence that she lived when she got sucked into the rift, than there was that he lived when Dick Roman exploded. and of course, he hounded Sam for assuming he was dead, and not looking for him,  He knows that if mom lived, she’s trapped with Lucifer, yet, he has no interest in looking for her, and he’s being more hateful and hostile towards Jack than I have ever seen him be with anyone else. Even those who have hurt and killed his loved ones on purpose. He has an instinct to protect everyone, and doesn’t trust that Jack can stay good, so how stupid is it that he is poking the bear? Hey Dean, why would you want to piss this kid off and make him want to kill you? Cant protect the world from him if you’re dead right?  Theres nothing wrong with Dean wanting to be prepared, and maybe finding a way to kill Jack if need be. I totally understand that, But theres no excuse for the name calling and bullying. The last scene with Sam and Dean hurt so bad, Here, Sam had been trying to tell Jack about how Dean helped him when it was he who may go dark, then finds out Dean told Jack he’d kill him. Sam is confused now, why did Dean see Sam worth saving back then, but not Jack? Dean says “You deserved to be saved, he doesnt” I would have liked the sentiment, if Dean didnt have the follow up of ‘he doesnt” as if he has ANY authority to judge who deserves to be saved and who doesnt. He’s not God, the kid hasnt hurt anyone on purpose yet, he’s made it clear that he doesn’t want to hurt anyone. This level of douchery is highly out of character for Dean. And then he tells Sam he’s using Jack and pretending he cares?? GTFO... Last week he said Sam is getting too attached! What is it Dean, Sam is too attached, or pretending he cares? And when has Sam EVER “pretended” to care? I love Dean, but I want to throttle him right now!  Sure Dean, be cautious, be prepared, but stop being a dick!  We have been assured that Dean wont hate Jack forever, so all you Dean girls that are pretending that Dean knows best and Jack is 100% evil so that you dont have to admit Dean is highly OOC, you’re gonna look silly when he does like Jack. Next week, it doesnt look like Dean is quite as hostile.  So anyway, rant over. Its hard to say I liked the episode when it hurt so bad. But, I definitely wasnt bored I didnt feel overwhelmed by the Spin Off set up. I was moved to tears twice, so, what does that say?

On a scale of Bloodlines to Who We Are Ill give this episode an 8. kudos to Bobo Berens for doing good with Sam’s lack of screen time and not just making him a gorgeous plaid throw pillow. I hate when the bros fight, but the drama makes the show interesting. Now if someone will please give me back normal Dean please?

[djicing]

Noughts and Crosses - 【Sheith】(Soulmate AU)

This is a bit long but my friend asked for some Sheith (even tho i havent written in years;;) But I thought I’d post here too! Hope everyone likes it <3

Noughts and Crosses

Shiro, for what seemed like the tenth time, glanced down at the grid on his right forearm. Only recently had man come to believe the tales told as a child, where your soulmate; the one you were destined to be bound to, could see all markings on each others arms, scratches, bruises and even what littered his arm now. The sharpie had left its trails of inky black along his soft flesh, as he intently stared down. Yes, he should be paying attention to his lecture, since his half yearly examinations are soon however he couldn't even draw his attention away for more than a few minutes.

Even as an infant, he would draw the grid on his arm, wanting to play with his soul mate. They'd never met before, Shiro had no idea what he'd look like, where he lived- hell he didn't even know if his soul mate spoke English. Until recently, all the games he had drawn on his arm went unfinished, all the scribbles he could fit never were added to by the one he wanted to see.

That all changed about a month ago.

The noughts and crosses grid once again was drawn into the paler skin on the underside of his arm, subconsciously drawn by himself suddenly made him jump in his seat, causing the lecturer to even pause for a moment, wondering what the usually calm and collected boy was so abruptly flustered about. On the grid, his usual nine squares with a single circle in the bottom left corner, was disturbed by a cross. An actual cross, lazily scrawled into the centre square slowly faded in. Shiro decided to excuse himself from class for the day, just going back to his room and staring, too scared to continue the game, too scared to even ask a simple 'hello,' or even 'what is your name'. No, Shiro was brimming with excitement- his soul mate finally responded to him, after so many long years.

Ever since that day they'd play a game regularly. They never talked, only once the grid was full and a winner was decided, whoever won got to draw their own smile face with just an 'I won' underneath. It had been a few months, same routine, same reaction to winning, it was always the same. Shiro had grown comfortable with this, but today he was fidgeting, every little noise made him flinch. This wasn't without reason, it had been two long days, two long days without a cross. The man furrowed his brows, trying to breath but his chest felt so tight, like a constrictor was slowly trapping him more and more, making his lungs burn.

Class felt like it drawled on forever before the droning adult at the front of the room finally dismissed the sea of students out into the halls. Shiro found his legs moving on their own, trudging through the monochrome halls. His shoulder brushed against every second person who shuffled by, before finally coming into a clearing as people nestled into their classes. He found himself eventually aimlessly wandering the stormy campus, slowly setting foot into the small cafe across the road from the entrance, drying the sudden rain from himself. He ordered his usual coffee and turned to glance over the rest of the cosy coffee shop, with wood furnishings, small booths and tables and two bookshelves against the back wall. It was full of donated books from old students, with books that are fiction to all the science text books you could need.

Shiro calmly grabbed a small novel with the title 'Stars Among Us' and spun on his heels, heading for his usual seat. But as he passed one of the tucked away booths a mop of dishevelled black hair caught his eye. It was a student who was in the year below himself, sitting with a half consumed hot cocoa and his phone on the table, blinking and ringing but the boy paid it no mind as he continued to just stare out the window, watching the now pouring rain disrupt the day of passing people. Shiro sat down across from the boy. He wasn't sure why but he recognised him from a couple times he had to help out in some of the younger classes.

The boy looked questioningly up at Shiro, brow arched and puffy eyes glazing over the taller male who just made himself comfortable. 'What is this guy doing?' His thoughts distracted him but his conciousness was suddenly interrupted by the deep voice in front of him.

"So why are you not in class?" Shiro asked, smiling as the waitress passed his coffee cup over. Shiro's attention quickly turned back to the boy in front of him, which made his heart hurt a little. The black haired male in front of him had large bags under his puffy eyes that look like they've lost their shine.

The boy adjusted the sleeves to his hoodie and uncomfortably shifted in his seat, leaning away slightly, "what's it to you? I dont even know who you are." He mumbled, fingers tracing the rim of his cup.

Shiro laughed softly, flicking a small strand of hair out of his eyes before gazing forward, he didn't even know this boys name but he wanted to find out. "The name is Shiro, what about you?"

"Keith," the boy answered after a moment of hesitation, "and I'd say nice to meet you but I don't even know why you're here." His temporary smile then faltered back into a slacked line of disbelief. He peered forward at Shiro, feeling a bit more at ease now knowing his name.

Shiro took a final long sip, finishing his coffee and letting the warmth fill his body, though little did he want to admit it wasn't just his drink that made him feel like that. "So, Keith," he began, placing the cup gently down, "mind if we meet same time tomorrow?"

It didn't even take a whole two seconds for his eyes to light up, though he controlled his face from revealing the sudden excitement. "Sure." He breathed, looking up and giving the taller man a half smile before standing up and walking to the door, pulling his hoodie over his head and stepping out, but not before looking back at his new, what he'd like to call, friend.

A few months had passed, and Shiro's soul mate responded, rarely yes, but it gave him peace of mind to know he is okay. They still hadn't spoken, just the same game over and over, not that they minded. His soul mate was starting to win more and more, but the tall male everyday noticed the same pattern how he plays- almost like it's random, but at the same time, completely planned out with defences like an imperial army and strategies that can win wars.

Shiro was once again, just like every day on his way to the coffee shop. It was getting close to summer but he was wearing a light long sleeved button up with jeans, and once he stepped out of the cool solace of the classroom air conditioner he immediately regretted it. Sweat beaded on his forehead as he walked to the cafe and slid the door, hopping through the entrance as the bell rang to alert staff of his presence. Keith was already ordering and spotted the broad man in the doorway, then whispered to the waiter what Shiro normally orders.

His runners quietly tapped the floor as he walked over and plopped down next to Shiro in their normal booth. The two had grown considerably closer over the time they'd known each other, but only hanging out in the cafe, never anywhere else. "So what's with the sleeves, you know the girls on campus were staring at you as you came in, right?" Keith teased, pointing an accusing finger at his friend, "They're all," he brought his palm to his forehead in a dramatic manner, "oh Shiro how your muscles stretch the fabric of that shirt makes me want to tear it off."  

Shiro let out a booming laugh at the impression, slowly calming down and wiping the forming tears in his eyes, "oh wow Keith, it sounds almost like you have the hots for me." He jested, winking at the boy whose hair still sat dishevelled on his head.

As soon as those words were spoke, Keith's ears and cheeks flamed with a hot red colour, and his eyes went wide. "What!" His hands clenched in a way to shift his attention to the burning feeling in his cheeks. "I was just joking!" Brushing it off, he just grabbed his drink of iced coffee with no sugar and took a long sip, avoiding eye contact.

A comfortable silence fell over the table, then Shiro poked at a subject he's wanted to ask for a while. "So Keith, why do you always wear that hoodie?" He questioned, leaning forward so his face was in like with the younger boy's.

Keith froze up, "That's-" he stuttered, looking away, "it's a bit embarrassing but," the boy paused, looking up at Shiro who urged him to go on. "I still haven't met my soul mate yet, and... and we always interact but don't talk. I just don't really want anyone to see." His voice died down towards the end.

Sympathetic eyes looked on him. "Show me." Shiro's voice was firm and reassuring as his hand reached forward. Keith didn't know what to do, he hesitated. After a few moments that seemed like forever, Keith slowly rolled up the sleeves of this lightly toned arms, revealing the pale skin. It was silent. Shiro was speechless. "You..." his voice was more quiet than Keith had ever heard, making his brows involuntarily furrow. "It was all you?" Shiro's voice rose, making both of them shrink back again in suprise.

No words were spoken as Shiro rolled his sleeves up, revealing an identical game of noughts and crosses marking his arms which his soul mate won earlier that day. They slowly looked at each other, Keith's eyes glistening, but he didn't try to hide it, his entire face lit up and he wanted Shiro to see it.

"I found you."  

I did it!! Please enjoy and feel free to request any ships/AU! 

[kristie-rp]

[2018] Michael & Lucas: Origins

When Michael is born, his parents name him Mizushima Miko. He is their second son: his older brother is Mizushima Juuki. Juuki immediately adores Miko; he’s fascinated and spends as much time as he can watching over his little brother. It’s actually a considerable amount of time: he is still too young to go to school, and his parents are too paranoid to trust a sitter – but they are also far too busy to make time to actually look after their children. 

Juuki is primarily alive at this point thanks to an aunt that visits at least once a week, a woman who claims to be their mothers sister and who looks absolutely nothing like either of their parents. Tamie, the woman he calls aunt, teaches him everything he can grasp to make baby Miko’s life easier. 

It’s enough, in many ways. Miko grows up both easier and harder than Juuki. The youngest boy is not comfortable around his parents, is quiet and watchful whenever possible. He learns young that it is more effective to babble at Juuki after prolonged periods of quiet than it is to cry, because if he cries, one of his parents may come in. 

One of Miko’s earliest memories – certainly the first to involve either of his parents – is of his mother leaning down into his crib. She is wearing all black, with a scarf of sorts around her neck, and something protruding from her back, held in place by a strap. In the memory, he stares first at the tail end of a military-issue machine gun that is on his mothers back as she kisses his tiny cheek, and then at her face as she pulls the scarf up to cover everything except for her eyes. “Sleep well, my precious baby,” she says in the memory, and then disappears into the night. 

They grow up in a house that is big and empty, surprisingly so considering Aunt Tamie and their parents and their parents co-workers are coming and going all the time. Juuki continues to do everything he can to raise Miko without attracting their parents attention, and they never talk about it. To Miko, this is normal; to Juuki, this is better. Tamie especially expresses her pride in him, over and over again, and tells them in her own gruff way that she is there for them before either of their parents. 

It is not until Miko is old enough to be sort-of independent that the two boys are sent away to a boarding school outside the city their parents house is in. Tamie tells them it is an international school, and that it is for the best. Their parents say it is in their own best interests to go without complaint, and Juuki doesn’t complain, because he knows by now that having an armoury as an accepted norm in his childhood is not a good thing, and he’d rather Miko escape it. Miko doesn’t complain because he takes too many cues from Juuki, and doesn’t feel enough attachment to either of his parents to protest. It’s not that they’re negligent (though they are) or distant, exactly; it’s just that Juuki is a better caregiver than them, and his brother is only three years older. 

Juuki takes to math and socialising with absolutely anyone who will talk to him. He finds it impossible to be consistent: to his desk partner in math, he is intelligent and quick-witted, to the girl who sits with him at lunch, he is quiet and sarcastic. There are more personalities that he tries on the same way others try on clothes, and the only one that sticks is the caring older brother. 

Miko takes to school in general, but he does not get flawless grades. He averages B’s and C’s and to Juuki he seems quietly content, though he worries that his little brother is having trouble interacting with other people. It’s not a baseless concern, it’s a fair one: Miko did not know other people when they lived in their parents house, and was always content to depend on Juuki for whatever company he wanted. That continues as months turn into years at the international school, and for all Juuki wishes Miko would learn to do more, he seems perfectly satisfied with offering shy smiles to whoever Juuki forces him to hang around with. 

Juuki resolves to do something to help Miko, because this can’t be healthy – except before anything can change, Tamie appears to pick them up from school. She does not explain to the headmaster or teachers or to Miko and Juuki, instead bundling them into her car. It’s black and inconspicuous. Juuki finds a pistol in the glovebox when he reaches for the gum she used to keep there, and stares at her with wide eyes, weapon limp in his hands. “Auntie?” 

“I have some bad news,” she says as lightly as she can. 

From the backseat, Miko clears his throat. “Did our parents get executed for betraying Yakuza?” 

Juuki whips around to stare at his little brother, wide eyed. He knows his parents aren’t the best people, aren’t necessarily nice, but they aren’t abusive. But Miko sounds so certain, so matter of fact, that he’s inclined to believe it. After all, Miko is the observant one. He’s the one who would know. 

Tamie’s hands are white where they grip the steering wheel, and she directs Juuki to dig through the glovebox to find the papers she actually meant for him to find. There is a passport there for each of them, and plane tickets. They are Japanese passports, which makes sense, considering they are Japanese – but the names are written in English characters, not Kanji or Hiragana or Katakana. Juuki squints at it, interpreting the Romanized characters only thanks to the past few years of English classes. “Lucas?” he asks slowly, reading the name from alongside his own face. “And – Michael?” 

“Your idiot parents,” Tamie starts. She pauses to clear her throat. “Your brother is correct. Your parents are – were – Yakuza, and they made mistakes. Their superiors found out.” She softens her voice to say, “I’m sorry, Juuki, but your parents are dead.” 

He stops for a moment then, processing. “But then – what? I want to see them.” 

“No, you don’t,” Miko says quietly. Still in the backseat, he does not move. “It’ll be better if you remember them alive. Then you – we – get to pretend. Right?”

Tamie nods once, sharply – slowly. For all she isn’t really their aunt, at least not biologically, she does care for them. That is part of why she is here now. “I want you both to know that lying to you has been difficult.” 

Miko swallows, Juuki rubs at his eyes. He doesn’t want to be sad that his parents are gone – they really, really haven’t ever been that great – but he can’t help it. They were more attentive with him than they were with Miko; that’s just a fact, a consequence of him being an only child for a few years. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Juuki asks. His voice has risen an octave. 

And Tamie talks and talks and talks, explaining everything. How their parents are, were, high ranking Yakuza, high enough to be a problem, but not high enough to be on top. About how their home has been a base of operations for much longer than Juuki has been alive, that it has only been a permanent residence for just that long. How their parents are too proud to split custody, about how it took Tamie most of Miko’s life to convince them that it would be best to send them to an international school to learn, to pick up skills and contacts that would make them useful to them in the long run. And she talks about how her name really is Tamie, and no, she isn’t really related to them. She is Japanese-Filipino, which explains why Juuki always believed that she wasn’t their biological aunt, and she was chosen to be one of three undercover Interpol agents infiltrating the Yakuza. It just so happened that Tamie’s in was their parents. She explains in great detail how she has never precisely cared for their parents except in the way you might care for a distant cousin, but that she has always loved Juuki, and always loved Miko, as long as they’ve been alive. This has been her mission for as long as Juuki has been alive, if not a little longer – she is vague on the details – but when the higherups got word that there was a leak within the Yakuza, and investigated enough to pick up the one that existed between Tamie and their parents, well – she is absolutely certain that twisting the arm of her handler until she had a way out of the country for the boys she loves like her own is the right thing to do. And that’s why she did it. 

“So,” she finishes awkwardly, “I, um. If you want, they’ve agreed to let me have sole custody of the two of you. But we cannot stay here, or anywhere in Japan – there is too much risk that the Yakuza will track you. Which is why your passports have American names on them.” She pauses and bites her lip, and it’s such an unusual show of uncertainty on her that Juuki almost smiles. “You wouldn’t be able to be Miko and Juuki any more, except when you are absolutely certain you’re in private. And I can’t guarantee your safety forever, but I know – I will do everything in my power to give you normal lives. As much as can be expected.” 

Juuki – Lucas, now, he supposes – listens, and he wonders if it would be cruel to point out that she has not given them much of a choice. It is no choice, really, when their options are either to reject her and end up alone in a foreign country where Miko – Michael – does not speak the language, and Lucas can barely read it – or they can accept her offer, and get something like a trusted relative out of this. 

It’s no offer at all, really. 

“We want whatever you can provide,” Miko says – Michael says. Lucas pinches himself. Michael, Michael, Michael.

He resolves then that he will do anything to keep his little brother out of trouble, no matter what level of his own integrity it challenges. He can do this one thing for him, be there for him in a way their parents never were. 

It’s the least he could do, really – or at least as he sees it.

[missjackil]

SPN and Subtext

First, let’s establish what subtext is really, for anyone who may not know. It is unspoken, unacted, non-canonical, images a writer wants you to think about. It’s not some hidden secret that the author wants only a select few to know about, its just something to provoke thought. A way to make some people anticipate something that may or may not become canon at some point, and Supernatural has a lot of it.  The very first hints of subtext, were naturallly between Sam and Dean. Supernatural, at its very core is “The epic love story between two brothers” as quoted by Erik Kripke. “Wncest” was the very first, organically grown ships that developed from the show’ subtext, and still continues 12 years later. Canonically however, Sam and Dean are not sexual with each other, and they never will be, but there’s nothing wrong with enjoying the subtext, like, how they stand/sit so close together, how theyre gorgeous single men in their 30s that insist on living together and still share motel rooms even though they could each get their own. The lengths they’ll go to save each other, the way they look at each other and so on.  This subtext is subtle, nothing that would make anyone think the show promotes incest, but provocative enough to make some people wonder exactly how far they could go for each other. How deep is that love really? In our world, anyone with this level of love, would probably be having sex too, but we don’t know this level of love in our real lives. Sure, we all have people we love deeply, more than our own lives, that we wouldnt think about having sex with, but none of us have sold our soul for that person, condemning ourselves to Hell for eternity, for just 1 more year with that person, and so they wont die yet. None of us have overpowered the Devil himself so he wouldnt kill them (and then of course save the world in the process) and hardly any of us have ever killed to save this one person. So a person who may be intrigued with the idea that Sam and Dean may have, or could have sex at some point, isnt necessarily in favor of incest (for most wincest shippers anyway) but more or less wondering how it hasnt happened yet, considering this level of love. 

Now most WIncest shippers know, and understand, Sam and Dean wont ever have sex on the show, and most of them don’t even want them to, and would rather it be left to their imagination, and fan fic. When the show piles on the subtext though, with the bro hugs, and deep meaningful confessions of feelings, such as “Dont you dare think that theres anything, past or present that I would put in front of you! I need you to see that... Im begging you!” Our little wincest hearts grow 10 sizes even if we dont ship it.  Now there has been subext (homoerotic) put between Sam, Dean and other characters. Also, not to be a secret message that either Sam or Dean are gay or bi, or that either will be in a same sex relationship to anyone, but its put there just to provoke thoughts. Writers have used this since there have been characters to write about. Even in the Bible, there is subtext between King David and his best friend Jonathan that he “loved like a brother”. Its never written that they were in love with each other, or that they had sex, but it does make the reader wonder if it happened.  Subtext between Cas and Dean started early when Cas came to the show, but it also happened between Cas and Sam though less people noticed it, simply because Dean had more interaction with Cas than Sam did, but Sam and Cas always had their own subtext since they met. Sam went a little fan boy upon meeting an angel, and Cas, though pointing out Sam had demon blood, gave him a warm, affectionate, 2 handed hand shake. However, Cas was more active with Dean, and a lot more angry and violent with him, as well as Dean was angry and disrespectful to Cas for most of S4 and 5, which has me wondering how Destiel even became a popular ship, given how brutal they have been with each other.

The subtext doesnt end with these 3 though. There was subtext between Dean and Benny, Crowley and Sam, Crowley and Dean, Crowley and Cas, Sam and Mick, Dean and Mr Ketch, but again, these are not secret messages that any of them are gay or bi or that any will become a romantic couple. In fact, I am beyond sure, none of them ever will.  SPN isnt that kind of show. The lives of the Winchesters are tragic. They can’t have normal relationships with people, even with each other. The show is, and always will be about Sam and Dean, not their significant others, if they ever venture to give them girlfriends again, we can be sure, they wont get married and have children. They certainly wont give them boyfriends, if they were going to establish that either of them were anything besides straight, that would have come out a long time ago. Changing their sexuality this far into the series, would change the series itself to something it never was.  I wont lie and say its not fun to fantasize and read fan fic because it sure is! But if I expect the show to change Sam and Dean’s sexuality, Im going to end up very disappointed. Like so many Destiel fans are going to be when it comes to the end and Sam and Dean end up together, whether living or dead, it will still just be them together.  I havent been on Tumblr very long, less than a year, and Im shocked to see how bad some people are about their ships. I cant believe that a big portion of Destiel shippers believe ludicris things like the show is pushing Sam out to make room for Cas as Dean’s #1, Jensen doesnt know or care about Dean if he doesnt believe Dean is 100% in love with Cas, Sam and Gabriel would make a lovely couple, or maybe even Sam and Lucifer, Dean is bisexual and the paint color on the wall proves it...I could go on forever but Ill make myself sick probably. Theres gonna be some really disappointed people when/if Cas isnt back next season, which is very likely, since Misha’s contract is up this year and he hasnt been acting like someone who is interested in staying on this particular show, has been given billing after Mark Sheppard if they’re in the same episode, and now the show has gone and made Cas so unredeemable to the boys, I wouldnt be shocked if it’s Dean that kills him,  but I am about 90% sure, Cas is done after this season.  So even though there is a ton of homoerotic subtext in this show, none of us should take it as anything more than it is. Just thoughts implanted to make the show more interesting, but not insite of whats to come. Just write and read fan fic, and appreciate the show for what it is, The Epic PLATONIC love story between Sam and Dean and some random monsters, demons, angels, God and Baby :)