#i honestly just feel so isolated every single day as a Black queer person

[mangoazalea]

please let the Black people in your life know you like, care about them

[fa-by]

Hi babies and dear Anons 👋🏼🤗 Back with a new 'Q&A' post. Enjoy 🙃

Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 and yes, I did. You can find it here, dear: https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648192029691691008/camren-timeline-tittle-edited.

Yes, I heard about that rumor, dear Anon, and veeery false.

I knoooow 😍😍😍 Let's cry in joy and queerness 🥺😭🌈🏳‍🌈

Yep, dear Anon. And unfortunately for us, they will continue to do so for a veeeery long time 😒🙄😔

No, dear Anon, I highly doubt it's another duet. They'd be really, but really stupid if they do 🤦🏻‍♀‍

No, dear Anon, these are just people who want attention. People who have problems in their lives and talk shit about others to feel better. This is just the work of those people who believe in black magic and want to involve as many people as possible to think like them, and if they fail, they attack you because you didn't agree with them and you didn't go to their side. They can get so desperate they even get to the point of, oh I don't know, since you've blocked them, sending an anonymous ask to your girlfriend with a death wish for you:

The funny thing for me besides thinking that maybe this person believes they're a witch and imagining them with a voodoo doll with a needle in my stomach, is that I was kind to them the first time 🤷🏻‍♀‍ I tried to make them reason, I really tried to meet them halfway, but sometimes that's not enough with people like that.

But anyway. My point is that no, management has nothing to do with it. Thank you for your ask, dear 🤗

It's okay, dear Anon, don't worry 😄 In last time’s ask you wanted my opinion on the song, right? Well, Not Killin' It Today simply talks about how not every day is a good day. It can happen to all of us not to feel 100%, and Mila says just that. For us girls it can happen even more during or just before the red sea period, if you know what I mean, and indeed, she herself sings “I'm PMSing” = PMS: premenstrual syndrome. If that's why, I think she wrote this song precisely around that period 🤣

Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 Don't worry, dear, I can understand you, and if I hadn't, we would have found a way to do it. English is not my first language either.

1) Yes, I do think that.

2) (I knew all this) I know she did; she's been doing it for years if that's why because Taylor is one of Camila's mentors. Taylor is what can be defined as the celebrity master with PRs. She’s always done what she was asked to do and she’s always fulfilled her PRs duties of her contracts, and indeed, look where she is now, as well as being a great songwriter. So yeah, who better than her?

Hope you're great too, dear 🤗

Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 I'm sorry I'm bad with general questions like this 😅 I'm so much better when I'm asked a more specific question, and usually, when I have something in mind, I write it and create a post with my opinion about it. I'm not kidding about how bad I am at this, believe me. It’s the same thing as when I get the typical “tell me something about yourself” phrase. It's like my brain suddenly switches off ��🤣 Can you take a look at all my posts from my archive to see which ones I’ve already responded to and maybe come back with a question? I'm really sorry, dear 😖🥺

I'm sorry but Camila can't stop anything, dear Anon. Not Camila, not Roger, and not even Shoo. I understand your frustration, believe me, I do, but you, and anyone else to which this is still not clear, need to understand that it's a contract. A contract called a relationship contract, and it's a legally binding document. I know it's hard, but the advice I can give you is to ignore the 12-year-old SS and their fantasies, and wait for it to finish without wasting your energy on the bullshit they say. Don't let them get to you and unleash your anger. You make them win this way. Rather, have a laugh at their ignorance.

Hey dear Anon, I'm good, thanks, and I hope you're doing well too 😊 They broke up for a little while, for about a month before, so more than a breakup I would call it a little break. And to answer the rest of your questions, dear, I'll sum it all up by telling you that when they're not together, or they're on a break, they have a different way of acting than when they're together. And I speak in general. It shows in the way they behave in general. Now it's much harder to see since they're no longer in the group and you could clearly see when it happened, and it’s also hard since the pandemic, but there are patterns. I’ve spent so much time analyzing them that they're quite predictable in my eyes 🤣 Forgive me if I'm not going into details, but these are personal observations that not everyone can agree on, you know? Maybe I'll do it in the future, who knows 🤷🏻‍♀‍ We'll see 😉 Have a good day/night too 😄

Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼 and thank you very much 😄 and yes, of course. To answer the rest of your questions, I'll summarize everything by telling you that you have to take into account that I entered the fandom at the Work from Home's time, so they were all just rumors to me initially. Camren themselves were just a rumor to me. I had to search, analyze, and find the proofs on my own to prove to myself which ones were true or not. The first example that comes to mind and that I can give you is the kiss in the van in London that I recently explained in my ‘Inauguration’ post.

I'm sorry you think this way, dear Anon. I honestly think she doesn't even know. She has said many times that she tries to stay away from social media, and I really believe that. She did it before already, but I'm convinced that she does that even more since she was going through that bad time and she was about to give it all up. Besides, it's known that she doesn't manage her accounts, just as it's known that she doesn't even control how they’re used I would say 90% of the time. I don't know if she'll find out and eventually will say something about it. We don't even know if she has the freedom to do so. So, I'm really sorry you're making a decision based on something she didn't do.

Hey to you too, dear Anon 😄 Yeah, it's nothing new. I'd already debunked the whole Laucy story with my very first post (https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648191757219250176/there-is-a-light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel), so as far as I'm concerned, she can say what she wants in future podcasts/interviews as well, but she'll never be able to convince me that she's not actually talking about Camila. This was simply a much more chill, fun, with no tears, and no mention of Camila repetition. The first podcast served to plant the seed. We know that Lucy is her main narrative and we know that she will continue to use her for a very long time. I mean, it’s convenient for her. It's the perfect cover for our Mila. But if people want to keep believing they (Laucy) were real, that's honestly their problem 🤣 Let them be convinced of their beliefs, dear, and have a laugh 😉

Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 Here's the thing……… Yes, to everything you said 🤣 but let me explain why.

1&2) Yes, Laur is like ‘part’ of their contract but for simple narrative, as you yourself said too. If that's why, so are 5H and all the rest of the people who are or have been involved with them. I'll give you an example. You know the bullshit they said about the Austin Mahone tour? That Sunsilk was always isolated in his bus playing guitar? That no one spoke to him outside of Camila when there are actually plenty of videos showing him spending time with the rest of 5H and the other people on the tour too? Certainly none of those people can call him out on that bullshit today and say it wasn't true. They'd blow his cover. They'd make him not credible in the general public's eyes. So everyone needs to be quiet for what they know (that's how it works in that world for every damn thing), and that's Lauren's involvement in their PR. Be quiet. Be quiet and go along with the game. Just as Camila had to during hers with Tymbal.

3) They have to, dear, or all the farces told so far would go to shit for the GP too. 4) 100%, dear Anon, 100% 😏😉 but it must also be said that they'll remain connected forever anyway because of the group.

Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 Welcome and thank you very much 🤗

1) Everything she's been doing lately leads us to think that the first single for the EP will arrive shortly. I think and hope it will arrive for the summer, but as far as the actual EP is concerned, it will depend on the release of the single. So if the single is out this summer, it's very likely that the EP will follow its course by arriving towards the beginning of autumn. We'll see, dear, we'll see 🤞🏼 🤞🏼 🤞🏼

2) I know that many people get upset and that they're disappointed, and while I too would like her to interact with us more, I also know and understand that it's not just up to her. Although she's much but much freer than before, she still has contracts, people, and patterns to follow.

Take it from someone who's waiting for Rihanna's new album for 5 years 😅🤣 It takes patience, and I have a lot of patience, dear. I fall into the category of those who don't mind waiting simply because I'll always support Lauren.

People forget this: we have to consider ourselves lucky that after what she went through, she decided to pursue with music.

If you love her, if you stan her, then be patient. Stay metaphorically speaking by her side no matter what. That’s what I think, dear Anon.

Do you mean the first breakup they had that lasted from late November 2014 to late December/very first days of January 2015, or do you mean the bad one that took place in October 2015? But in any case, both of your questions rejoin only one event, dear Anon: the real breakup of the group that happened in mid-October 2015. But answering you more specifically:

1) You can see with your own eyes the videos of the interviews of that period by starting with this one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9WqOb9qBQ_M&t=11s.

2) Camila’s unofficial departure from the group at the time was the icing on the cake, but you have to consider a lot of things, dear. The fact that they were young. The fact that they were in the spotlight and were being monitored by both fans and management. The fact that they had those same people controlling them and telling them what to do all the time. The fact that they were constantly under pressure. The fact that they couldn't be together freely as a couple. The fact that they were forced to pretend they didn't love each other. The fact that they were forced to do PRs, despite being much lighter than now. I could go on with the list, dear Anon, but I think you get the point. It's a lot of stress and a lot to digest, especially considering how young they were and the environment around them.

Have a nice day too, dear 😄

Of course I can answer you, dear Anon 😊 So, in my opinion, and always keep in mind that I could be wrong, she told every person in her clique at different times. I think Mila knew about her attraction to girls back in school, but she didn't say anything to anyone because she didn't have a reason to. In the sense that she hasn't had the opportunity to approach another girl and therefore have a reason to tell someone about her queerness. After her first kiss with Lauren on New Year's Eve, I'm willing to bet that the first person she came out to was her mom. Camila's number one best friend is and always has been Sinu, so I can feel it in my bones that she was the first one to know. Oh and, we're in early 2013 here, so Mila was still 15.

After Sinu, there were the girls (DNA) who obviously lived their story with them step by step and therefore I don't think it was a real coming out with them, and her best friends back at home, Sandra and Marielle Guzman (and maybe also Mariana Luna since she was the other one with whom she was very close immediately after the two sisters, but I'm not very convinced of it), and Jenny Runza, who despite being a little younger than Sinu, Mila has always regarded as one of her best friends.

In 2014, when Camren were official, there were more confirmations that led to her automatic coming out with the rest of her clique's friends since the word Camren had already spread around like wildfire for almost two years by then.

At the beginning of 2015, it was the moment when Laur came out to her family, so I strongly believe that that was also Alejandro's moment, although I'm convinced that like the Jaureguis, Ale knew about his daughter all along and that he was even more convinced at X-Factor. Sofi was last on the list simply for a matter of age and I'm talking about 2017. I can't tell you when she told her grandpas. I don't even know if she could have told Norberto because I don't know the kind of relationship she has with him, but Mercedes? Well, abuelita certainly knew this before 2018 because I laugh when I think about the way she looked and talked with Mattress during their PR.

It's not that simple, dear Anon. You're not considering the fact that they didn't communicate during that time. You're dwelling on only one thing and are not looking at the big picture of their relationship at the time. Okay. Let's do something. Picture a scenario that has nothing to do with Camren.

Picture a couple living together. A couple who often quarrel over even the most trivial things or who don't talk at all because they almost avoid each other. Their relationship is very unstable and they're basically at the end of it. Now picture a conversation between this couple in which the only exchanges spoken in a normal way are by then just daily information such as: “I'll be at work from 8 to 4” - “Okay. Will you come home right after?” - “Yeah, I think so” - and then that person comes home at 6 pm despite the worried calls and messages received.

They're so distant that the person who came home late didn't feel compelled to pick up the phone and tell them about the delay. Probably that person didn't even feel compelled to give an explanation and justify the delay once they got home because they're convinced that their partner doesn't really care and that they're just looking for yet another excuse to argue. That person will have felt even more trapped and suffocated by their partner who was really worried instead, but neither of them tells the other the truth because they're too busy arguing and blaming each other instead of meeting each other halfway and really talking about what they feel and makes them vulnerable. They will surely end up in bed with their backs to each other without saying a word to each other after the fight.

Now look at these phrases from the song itself and put Camren's faces in place of the couple in the example: “With no confrontation, I really wish we could talk about it instead” – “All I need from your side is for you to communicate”. Is it easier for you to understand the dynamic now, dear?

Hello to you too @camilalauren0327 👋🏼😄 [why can't I ever tag you in posts?]

No, no, no, dear. None of this happens. So. I'd like to start by saying that OCD begins when people misunderstand their own thoughts. We've all had unwelcome and intrusive thoughts at least once in our lives, right? Well, the importance of those thoughts becomes much more intense or sometimes even extreme for people with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Like, I'll give you a stupid example, okay?

Most of the time I park, I lock the car, and after I’ve taken a couple of steps, I ask myself: “Ma ho chiuso la macchina?” / “Did I lock the car?”. So, I turn around and lock it again with the keys' remote control even though I've already done it, but I do that anyway to be sure and because maybe I really didn't do it because it happened for real. Now. What would a person with OCD do? Most likely they would do like me, and after getting halfway, they would go back again to close it AGAIN. They would do it a couple of times, and most likely, they would do it a third time after they got home. They would leave the house to go lock the car they've already locked five times.

OCD can begin in adolescence, early adulthood, or even childhood. The onset of obsessive-compulsive disorder is typically gradual, but in some cases, it can begin suddenly. Symptoms vary in severity from time to time and this variation may be related to the occurrence of stressful events. Now. Doesn't all this rings a bell for you? No? Okay, let me explain. I'll copy a piece of my ‘Camren Timeline (Tittle edited)’ post for you: “Camila suffers from one of the variants of OCD since she was 8, and despite seeing a therapist since 2013, her OCD was diagnosed at the end of 2015. C also suffers from anxiety, panic attacks, mood disorders, and depression (all linked to her OCD).”

Why did she start suffering from it at the age of 8? Because little Mila moved back and forth between Havana and Mexico City until she was 5, almost 6, right? After that, she moved to Miami with her mom by leaving behind her family, her friends, basically everything she knew, and her dad. Her dad finally managed to rejoin them almost two years later when she was almost 8 years old. Although she had her family with her again, her little mind didn't relax. It didn’t bring peace to her. In fact, that sprang her first OCD symptoms, which gradually worsened and then fully erupted years later in the group.

What triggers OCD? Stressful life events.

Got it now? Were you able to put the pieces together, dear? I've also answered other questions on the same topic here if it may interest you: https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648194918161989633/%C9%9F.

Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 Don't worry, nobody’s asked me to do it yet.

So, as I think we all know, The Boy was originally titled Care About Me. Ed Sheeran wrote it and gave it to Mila for her self-titled album Camila. Mila almost completely rewrote it (Ed said 90% of it) and lastly discarded it because it didn't fit well with the rest of the songs on the album, and I totally understand that.

Intro:

“Yeah, he's messed up a couple times

But he's my glass of cherry wine

And I drink and I drink 'til I'm drunk off of him

I'm in love

(Ash:) He just hit me up to come over

He said what?”

So. The song begins with Mila trying to justify the boy by saying that even though he made mistakes, she's so into him to get past it. I know she used terms like drunk off of him and in love, but she doesn't mean that she's actually in love with him in this case. Just very into him. She's jokingly explaining the situation because she's talking to Ashlee, her friend, and I don't know about you, but my friends and I often use the term in love to make people laugh and to indicate interest in someone.

Like if we see someone for the first time and they're really hot, or if one of the celebrities we like posts like a selfie, we say “I'm in love”. Or, like, another kind of example: one of my best friends has been dating this guy for a few months, and last week he surprised her with some flowers (which he paid very much by the way) and with dinner just because. Hearing her happiness since she has always had only assholes so far, when she finished telling me everything, I made fun of her by laughing and saying: “Lost in love, huh?”. Not because she's actually in love with him, but because it was such a nice thing and she's into him.

So Mila used those phrases to indicate how much she liked him and not because she was actually in love. Also because if she had really been in love with him, she wouldn't have said she didn't care about him for the rest of the song.

Then ‘Ash’ receives the text, and this leads us to understand that the boy is a player and a cheater.

Verse 1:

“Momma said, ‘Always be kind, girl’ (Girl, what's on your mind?)

But I got something I should say (Say it, girl), uh

Boy, I'm sick and done and tired (There's something on my mind)

I'm not yours to manipulate, uh-huh (Tell him girl, tell hi)”

It explains itself quite well. She can't take it anymore.

Pre-Chorus:

“Oh boy, hold your tongue, I don't want no 'pology

‘Cause we both know you're thinking wit' was under your jeans”

Mila tells him not to waste his breath on justifications derived from his member because she doesn't need them. Tsk, Tsk. Typical male behavior. 80% of their thoughts are formulated based on how and where to put their tool in 🙄

“Sent your friends over to tell them you're missing me”

He even sends his friends to her to try to change her mind, but:

“But I don't care, so tell that boy that I am fine”

But she doesn't care. She doesn't care because she's fine this way. In fact, she's better off without him.

Chorus:

“I don't care about the day he decided to leave

I won't be there when he tells another lie so”

This makes us understand how many times she's had to forgive his bullshit.

“I'm gon' use all of my words for weapons”

We know how lethal words can be.

“'Cause the boy don't care about me, lemme say it again, now, babe

I don't care about the way he thinks it's so sweet (Ah)

All that sugar cone gon' be bad for me tomorrow (Ah)”

He can try to kiss her ass as much as he wants, but she won't change her mind. Talking sweet to try to win her back doesn't work because she doesn't want to deal with a player who lies to her and messes up every time.

“I'm gon' use all of my words for weapons

'Cause the boy don't care about me”

He doesn't really care about her, so it's even useless to her that he tries to fix it.

Verse 2:

“All my girls inside the place now (Say we don't need no man)

No wonder we switch sides sometimes (We got this)”

Camilita, Camilita, Camilita 😏 No wonder many girls prefer other girls, huh?

Switching sides can mean switching sides in the true sense of the word, that is for example going from one side of a room to the other. It can mean changing your mind about something or someone. And, most interesting of all in this case, it can mean switching sides in sexual orientation.

I've said many times that she's a fucking genius, and we know how sneaky she is with her songs. She was really smart at using this hidden meaning because a lot of people took it for granted that she meant the meaning of changing her mind since we girls have this nomination about often changing our minds about something.

“Wipe that good look off your face (Say we got better plans)

Ooh, you better not act surprised (For real)”

Exactly. What would be the point? A lot of guys do that 🙄

Bridge:

“Oh, oh, don't care about me

That's fine with me, babe

You don't care about me

And that's fine with me

Fine with me, fine with me (Don't care about)

It is what I need, oh (That's fine with)

Don't care about, care about

Care about, care about me, oh”

She's fine with it simply because she doesn't care about him either.

Outro:

(Ash:) “Girl, that's old, we're done with that”

Yep. She's definitely done with that/him.

And this is my interpretation, dear Anon 😄 In my opinion, if this song really ended up on the self-titled, it would've been used to give yet another proof of her light, old PR with Michael. People were supposed to remember her last, sure, Jan, flame before meeting the love guru Matrix. It was supposed to be like: “Hey, hey, guys, I'm straight, look! I was with a boy and now with another grandpa one!”.

It's just a different version of the Cinderella song for me: she doesn't need a guy in her life. Don't wrap your head around it too much, dear Anon. There's no deep meaning behind it at all. After all, this song was given to her by her idol, and she certainly couldn't refuse. She changed it in a sassy and fun way, she saw that she couldn't fit it with the others because it wouldn't have made sense, and she then discarded it. The end. She was like: it was funny, but I actually have a story to tell. Bye-bye.

Have a good day too, dear ❤️

Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄 and yes of course I can do both, but for what purpose am I supposed to do All Again? I mean, I can give you my interpretation of that song without any problem, but it wasn't written by them. By none of them five. That's why I'm asking you for what purpose am I supposed to do that. And that should answer your second question as well. Like No Way and many other songs, the girls may have related to them, but they didn't write them. The only songs they wrote, and not alone but with other songwriters, are:

- Me & My Girls, Don't Wanna Dance Alone, and Who Are You for Better Together,

- All in My Head (Flex) for 7/27,

- and for the self-titled album we have Sauced Up: Arlen (+ other songwriters), Make You Mad: Normally (+ other songwriters), Lonely Night: Norminah (+ other songwriters), Messy: Normally (+ other songwriters), and Bridget: Alren (+ other songwriters).

It's like you ask me to give you my interpretation on for example Who Are You. I could do it without a problem, but that song was written by 8 different heads. With the exception of the bridge that we know Lauren wrote, I can't tell you who among Camila, Dinah, Normani, Ally, Julian Bunetta, PJ Bianco, and Nasri Atweh wrote which part. Analyzing a song sung by a single artist/songwriter is completely different because the idea and concept and feelings are based on a single person. The songwriters who co-write the song together with the artist adapt to them, or maybe the idea comes to one of them, but they modify the concept together with the artist based on their personal experience, as happened for example with Consequences.

Now that you know all this, do you still want me to analyze All Again? Let me know 😄

Let's move on to More Than That.

Lauren wrote four songs in 2016, two of them were meant to be for someone else, but one of them, as we all know well, she kept it to herself. She decided to keep More Than That to herself once she modified the original lyrics along with Prince Charlez and SoundzFire, aka Hue Wayne Strother.

Intro:

“M-M-M-Murda”

This small part of the initial effect intro we hear, is simply a shoutout to Murda Beatz, one of the two producers of the song.

Verse 1:

“I see you watching so I walked into your stare

'Cause I ain't in the position to be walking over there”

She's not in the position to go there simply because she's taken, but she likes to be watched. She likes the attention she's receiving, so she puts herself in plain sight so that this person can keep looking at her.

“I got a situation, I can tell you wanna know”

This guy must have wondered: ‘Why if she's looking back at me, then she won't approach me? Is she someone who likes playing hard to get? Is she a teasing sort? Is she waiting for me to go to her? Or maybe she's in a relationship?’ Typical questions you ask yourself in that situation, and Laur summarized them all in one simple sentence.

“How you can take an honest girl and turn her to a …

If I'ma take a gamble, then you better come correct

I need more than them diamonds that you got around your neck

Shit, anybody can flex, my baby do it best

If you come with somethin' better, then we might just take it there”

The stare, the fact that this guy has the money (diamond necklace), the physical appearance, are not enough for her to push her to cheat. Because if she has to take the risk of cheating, these are certainly not the things that would drive her to do it, but she could if he had something better to offer her. [And with that, please keep in mind that Lauren is a very loyal person and that she wouldn't have done it even if this guy had gone with something better]

Pre-Chrous:

“I know I ain't right for tempting you

But I just wanna see what you would do

If I gave you a taste of what I do

Just remember that I don't belong to you”

The fact that she returned his gaze, that she spoke to him and gave him just a little taste, doesn't mean that she’s no longer taken. As I said before, she likes the attention, and although she knows that it's wrong to instigate him, she does it anyway because she's playing with him. “It's kind of more like clowning him” as she said herself.

Chrous:

“You gon' have to come stronger than this liquor

Wanna take me home, better be more convincing

It'll take more than that to get to me

More than that to get your way

Boy, you better come stronger than this liquor

Wanna take me home, better be more convincing

It'll take more than that to get to me

More than that to get your way

I'm stronger than this liquor”

During the approach in which the guy tried to ‘take her home’ for the night, Lauren easily manages to reject him despite being drunk, because her loyalty is stronger than the attraction she may have felt for him and certainly stronger than what she was drinking.

Verse 2:

“If my man notice, there’ll be some issues”

🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣

I'm sorry but every time I listen to this part I can literally picture Camila turning into the Incredible Hulk as we've seen many times. And shit, despite her being tiny, Mila can be scary when she's pissed off.

“But take my number down, I just might hit you

No, I'm just playing, I'm so deep in love

But the way you talkin' might just have me actin' up”

Drunken thoughts mixed with attraction/arousal blocked by common sense and loyalty.

“The way you looking at me, boy, I know what's up

I can feel how you feel without even a touch”

Let's not fool ourselves, guys. You too will have felt when a person is ready to jump your bones. To feel it in the air. To perceive it from the way they look at you, talk to you, and yes, even using excuses to innocently touch for example your arm even if the intentions are far from innocent. These kinds of things, whether you're in a relationship or not, whether you're loyal or not, and especially if you're attracted to the person in question, make you feel appreciated. They make you feel good. But:

“But don't think that's gon' make me give it up

Boy, your time is up”

But that doesn't mean, however, that you take action on it. It doesn't mean you give in to temptation. It was nice, but no thanks. Bye-bye.

Outro:

“It'll take more”

It takes more than good looks, money, and fake, shiny people from L.A.

And that's it, dear Anon 🙃 This is just a funny song about a situation that happened in a club, in which Lauren shows her flirtatious side but also her loyal side. It wasn't that good for her image, but I have an explanation for that as well.

Remember how I initially said that Lauren wrote this song to give it to someone else and then decided to keep it for herself after modifying the original lyrics? Well, in my opinion, she ‘decided to keep it’ and was even chosen as a single, simply for the narrative. It was chosen to go along with the fake love square cheating bullshit [Lauren and Ty who cheated on Lucy and Alycia to be together]. People should have believed even more that Lauren was a person capable of cheating, and this song served the purpose.

🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍

Aaand I'm done 😜 I hope I was helpful in this case too 😄 Thank you all for your asks and as usual, know that I'm available for those who have questions, so feel free to ask 😊

Always remember to be kind, to others and to yourselves. Be a good example. Be patient. Be safe and take care of yourselves. Don't let our ship sink. Keep shipping them, but please respectfully 🙏🏼 Sending you virtual love and hugs 🤗🤗🤗 I love you, babies. Always with love, F ❤️

[taketwoinink]

Brain has a lot of thoughts and I'm going to try to dump them here.

I get super duper uper lonely all the time and I think a lot of it comes from being nonbinary. Being misgendered and misnamed all the time is really isolating and disheartening and I'm really tired. I want to come out to everyone and I know I could and things would be rough but they'd get better and I could hopefully be an example and a support for other queer people but I just... it's not that simple. I'm always going "but is it the right time?" and asking myself so many questions and I know at the end of the day it's just my decision and that I get to make it however I want but I don't know how I want and I'm just uncertain on what to do.

I've also been stuck in this house for so long and I don't leave very often and I'm starting to go insane and fall into depression because I just need variety but I don't have it and I'm getting trapped in my own head. I was supposed to hang out with my favorite cousins today but one of them got sick so that got cancelled.

Also I'm just like actually so tired. Not emotionally or mentally or really physically but like you know when you don't get enough sleep and you keep thinking about how much you just want to sleep? That

I was struggling with writer's block. I'm pretty sure I got it because I was pushing myself to write so hard and so much and it just killed my creativeness and I got really stuck. And then I found a project I'm excited for! I've been trying to keep it very loose and low pressure and just go with the flow because I write best when I do that and I'm really enjoying it and I don't want to kill that. So I kind of made the decision to just dump the projects I've been pressuring myself to do that I'm not really feeling. Because writing should be fun and I first started sharing my writing for fun and community and friends and as a way to celebrate and reward myself for writing and I just took that too far so kind of scaling back. I do really want to write something so all my AO3 peeps can hopefully become my Tumblr peeps too

I'm really inconsistent on capitalizing tumblr

my family talks politics sometimes and it's stressful

We have an open door policy for my grandma so she can just dump everything and come stay with us if she ever needs it. And I love my grandma but she talks a lot of politics and queerphobic stuff and I don't like that and I'd just rather hear her life story because she's been through some truly crazy stuff and I know there's so much about her I haven't heard but yeah she's cool

I watch Survivor with my dad almost every single night. It's become our thing and I love it. I've struggled for a long time to connect with him and I still do sometimes but we go shopping together and on drives together and we watch Survivor together and that works for us and I'm happy. I haven't seen most of the seasons but right now we've been watching season 41 and there's a lot of black people and it's honestly been super cool to get to watch them and hear them talk about what it means to them as a black person to be there with other black people and see that sense of community. It's not something I can understand because I haven't been through it so I normally relate it to being queer because I do think there is some overlap in our struggles. There are similarities and differences and anyone who goes through both you're so strong and I admire you

Still on the Survivor thing. There's this dude, Ricard, and I've been rooting for him the entire time and he's the first dude I've ever felt gender envy towards (actually I think this is the first time I've felt gender envy) but I just want to be him and his aesthetic and I love his hair so much I want it. Also his husband is trans and I'm always drawn to the queer ones (duh) and so I like him for that reason too.

They've had a lot of good talks on the show about race and gender and stuff and they've had some queer representation but I want them to talk about it like they do the other stuff and they haven't yet and I'm a little sad about that

My mom made a milkshake this morning for breakfast and I could cry because I just don't eat so often because it's too hard and I don't know what to eat and brain just can't do it and today was going to be one of those days were I was just going to go hungry so I'm just super duper grateful for her

I pop my fingers a lot because of anxiety and it just helps I guess and they're probably gonna be old and wrinkly one day but welp

I listen to music like 24/7 because it helps cancel out noise-induced-emotional-distress and helps my brain focus and helps fight off my depression because if my music is happy then I can be too and I couldn't function without music or my sound-canceling headphones honestly

Does anyone else get triggered by human sounds like people sniffling loudly or clearing their throats or coughing? My brothers make those sounds like CONSTANTLY and I'm slowly going insane because of it I just can't they bother me so much and I don't know whhyyyyyy. My brother's done it twice just while I was writing this paragraph and I write fast

I'm a human disaster. I'm living on the edge of depression and death and dancing on graves and singing in the rain and weaving through the headlights and crying in the dirt and screaming at the top of my lungs and my brain is whirling and twirling and twisting and compressing and expanding and exploding all at once and I'm all over the place (all metaphorically)

I also just want to offer an apology to everyone everywhere for anything and everything I've ever done, am doing, or will ever do

I get cold suuuuper easily and I'm always walking around wrapped in a blanket, blankets are life

my cat is so cuuuute and I love snuggling with her and when she lets me press her forehead to hers that's always when I feel most loved and accepted and peaceful

I love love love my therapist to pieces. And technically maybe she's not my therapist anymore because my family is dirt poor and I'm too mentally unstable for a job and she doesn't accept insurance so we just stopped and that's a bad thing I know but she was honestly perfect for me. She had a bunch of animals and made me feel loved and I adore her cats and her dogs and we did a lot of hands on stuff and walked her dogs and her ponies and her miniature donkey and I got to feed her baby lamb she's taking care of and he's so cute and she has a sandbox and a bunch of random junk to put in it to try and illustrate your brain and we did tie-dye together and sometimes we'd just sit in the grass and I'd throw balls for her dogs and we'd talk and I got to help her catch her sheep so she could vaccinate them and we literally had to tackle them and grab their legs so they wouldn't bolt and I fed the goats once and they were so greedy and a lot of them like to be petted and they'll walk right next to you and you'll struggle really hard not to trip over them and I got to work with her horses and we practiced walking them in circles with a lead and making them back up and I hoped one day I'd feel like walking them but normally I preferred the dogs because I'm just more a dog person and sometimes she'd pet-sit for her brother and have his dog and she was so friendly and nice and she has like six cats and they're all incredibly friendly and talkative and they'd come when you called and they are so cute and loving and even after I stopped coming to her, she sent me a link for LGBTQ+ specific therapy stuff and I'm so freaking grateful for her, this random stranger who actually cares for me and who I'd call a friend and who has made me feel loved when I was at my lowest and didn't think anyone else cared and it kind of sucks because she was my very first therapist and I don't how anyone else could compare because everything we did was so perfect for me and it was loose and easy and I trust her and I felt loved by her by the dogs by the goats the cats the horses everyone and I could cry just thinking about it and I actually don't cry all that easily anymore and yeah, I really miss her

dang it now I want to cry

But just there's something powerful about the love of an animal and how accepting and nonjudgmental they are and they'll just sit on your foot and look you in the eyes and be happy cause you're there with them

I misgender myself so much so don't ever feel bad if you misgender me cause lol I do it too yep that's internalized transphobia for you my brain still defaults to 'girl'

honestly I think I just want to cry in general. I'm really lonely and stir-crazy and I feel so isolated and different and gross sometimes and everything's too much and I want to sleep but sleeping too much makes me depressed and I wish there was something I wanted to do that would make me happy because this feeling is gross and I don't want to feel this way. And sometimes you're just depressed and you've gotta roll with it and say "hey old friend depressed guess we're hanging today" but yeah it's just... not fun

There's this song on my playlist and I know it says "I'm just a sour note" but I always hear it as "I'm just a sourdough" and honestly I prefer it that

There's this other song and I know it says "her" but it sounds like "him" to me so I pretend it is so then it's gay

And there's this other other song and it's definitely gay in some way because it's sung by a guy and it's talking about "I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her" and so either it's talking about a dude or another girl but either way someone's gay here

that's all thanks for listening to the disorganized puddle of the inside of my brain and <3

[stephtheseraph]

It's hard for me to write this post, because I'm used to doing things on my own, and processing hard life experiences in solitude; I believe God is calling me to speak up about my experiences, especially for my family and extended family and friends. So, almost 3 weeks ago while I was visiting Seattle to work on music, I contracted COVID. I was bed-ridden and quarantined to my friend's guest bedroom for 5-6 days before I could even go for a walk around the block. This was an extremely isolating experience, as you all can probably imagine. Being sick with a virus that has taken so many lives, and debilitated so many members of our community causes a lot of pressure and stress on the mind and body. 

Laying in bed, thousands of miles away from home, my traumas began to resurface like I'd never seen them before. Every traumatic memory, physical sensation, unresolved tension, and emotion laid in my bed with me and we began having deep conversations. These conversations hurt like hell because no matter how well I thought I was doing, how booked or successful I was, or wanted to be...the truth is we are all the sum of our traumas, and the work we choose to do to uproot them and remove them from our bodies. 

[Trauma of any kind]: "Shocks the brain, stuns the mind, and freezes the body. It overwhelms its victims, and hurls them adrift in a raging sea of torment, helplessness, and despair." (Peter Levine, PhD.)

I thought, before getting COVID, that I'd processed and done work on my traumas (which I have in the best way I've known), but my body was saying something different. In bed, I thought deeply about the little boy who'd experienced traumatic death, and violence at an early age, all while trying to navigate a heteronormative (Non-Gay/Queer accepting) world as a Queer-developing Black man and artist -- I realized that my body kept the score of all of these experiences, and rendered them as physical pain, tension, not speaking up for myself, worry, codependency, etc. 

I guess the reason I'm sharing this is because I don't feel I've always had a lot of space with all of my loved ones to talk about my battles with trauma, and depression and anxiety. I'm also saying this to stress how important it is to do your human work and heal (on your own time). As a person currently battling with these things and doing the work, every single day to [just feel better], while also trying to be present in all areas of my life -- it's hard, and scary and there are honestly days where I feel like I'm going to die. Simply. That said, I still hold a deep understanding, and joy toward what I think it means to truly live, and that's why I fight everyday.

 Life is hard and this year has held a universal mirror up for all us to look into our lives and gain clarity about the lives we've leading. We still have the choice to reckon with our traumas, or not to (and that's okay).  I'm choosing to reckon, take my time and heal, so I'll be intermittently away from social media. 

Thank you, even if you just read the first paragraph. Feel free to call me, respond, or remove yourself from this post (if you're tagged). Just give yourself grace, and be still and know that I have so much love, and appreciation for you, and how you've supported me throughout my life.  

I'll be okay, and with so much love and life,  

Stephon

[nofomoartworld]

Art F City: We Went To SPRING/BREAK: Who Let the Dogs Out?

This cut-out from Allison Zuckerman gets a nod for many reasons,  but primarily because everyone agrees it looks like AFC editor Michael Anthony Farley, AKA Ellen Degenerate.

What’s on View: Two floors crammed full of art shows assembled by 150 independent curators and responding to the theme of Black Mirror. Said theme, chosen by SPRING/BREAK organizers Andrew Gori and Ambre Kelly, is supposed to be a unifying force, and refers to tools used by old masters for landscape painting and portraiture. What we see, though, is a vast array of approaches ranging from formal painting to DIY barbershops. Some directly respond to theme, others have little to nothing to do with it. Mirrors are everywhere.

Molly: SPRING/BREAK is famous for activating and reframing historic spaces. It’s new home in Conde Nast’s former office building in Times Square is the perfect backdrop for this year’s theme: “Black Mirror.” Claude Glass (or black mirrors) were devices used by Old Masters to abstract reality and isolate subjects in a more pleasing manner. One of the most interesting parts of the fair was seeing how every booth reframed the view of Times Square, transforming a block of the city I usually associate with anxiety inducing amounts of tourists posing with Hello Kitties and Spidermen into various picturesque landscapes. That being said, the former office space was so jam-packed that while the coveted “offices with a view” presented a multitude of compelling shows I felt so drained by the end I couldn’t give them proper attention. I love the notion of reframing a vacant space into a platform for contemporary art but the cubicle spaces didn’t feel abstracted enough to transport me anywhere and I felt overwhelmed by the amount of booths crammed into the space.

Harrison: From the organizers’ own descriptions on thesite, they’re relying heavily on an Oscar Wilde narrative, asking the viewer first, “How does this multiplication of the self [through a black mirror] impact the expressive artifact?” Dorian Gray is pulled into view both through question and direct reference. This year’s suggested readings also include Leigh Bowery—overall introducing an evaluation of personhood through physical investigation and individually created mythologies.

It showed. There were mirrors everywhere and self-referencing or self-obliterating works in many of the booths—which were very densely packed in the space. Honestly each floor is at least a fair’s worth of art, so be ready to map your way through the fair with snacks and water packed.

The Pursuit of It

Curated by Nicole Grammatical and Christina Panicolaou

Robin F. Williams

Molly: The bustle of Times Square makes getting into the fair a bit of an ordeal, so I was relieved that one of the first rooms we visited makes you forget about all that. The view of a Manhattan skyline sunset melds perfectly into the hyper femme dreamland of this space. Curated around the idea of a dollhouse, the show gives the artist’s room to play with the ideas of femininity and the demarcation of object and subject—very fitting for the Black Mirror theme.

Robin F. Williams’ painting of a nude woman gazing out a window—on which she has drawn tally marks, juvenile stars, and hearts—was a perfect melancholy opening for the show, setting a tone of beautiful frustration and caged desire.

Signe Pierce’s video, projected onto the window at sunset, seemed perfectly at home, a glimpse into the violent nature of the gorgeous view below. In the video, Pierce poses in a unitard, snapping selfies, while we catch distorted glimpses of tourists’ reactions to her body in public space.

Stills from Signe Pierce’s video

Harrison: This booth is an immersion to your favorite dreamgirl room from your favorite princess fantasy. It’s high-femme. It’s powerful and aggressive in its softness, and a forward display of self-designed femininity. Each artist fulfilled the curatorial goal of imaging a “choose-your-own-adventure” style womanhood, from plushy embroidered cacti (Hein Koh)  to a La Danse reference for and by queer women of color (Hiba Schnabhaz.)

LEAH SCHRAGER: @OnaArtist

Curated by Kristen Sancken

Harrison: Leah Schrager’s work plays heavily with the boundaries of what social media sites deem appropriate for their users to post. Hypersexualized selfies are obstructed by banal images of mid-luxury items or lo-fi glitchwork, just covering enough for her image to be safe for the public. Each image is part of a larger narrative, informing how the viewer consumes her mythology. Schrager works over social media—narrating her own life to suit a celebrity project—and is fully succeeding with a cult following, music releases, and of course exhibitions.

Leah Schrager

Molly: Leah Schrager created her “Ona” (short for online persona) account in the hopes of becoming a social media star and I am definitely one of her 471k fans. The art world often has a puritanical stance on women using their bodies in art and I’ve always appreciated Shrager unabashedly and thoughtfully shoving her sexuality right back in it’s face. This installation featured images of Shrager’s body being overtaken by objects like glitter and chandeliers, playing with the relationship between objects and social media brands.

Ben Sisto, “The Museum of Who Let Dogs Out Out?”

Curated by Jac Lahav

Molly: There is always a booth I walk in and think “I have a crush on this artist” and Ben Sisto’s was it this year. This room featured every piece of merchandise featuring the Baha Men song “Who Let the Dogs Out?” artist Ben Sisto has been able to get his hands on. It was like the ultimate fuck boy fantasy bedroom. Of course it’s the booth I want to marry. There is even a puppy that walks while singing “Who Let the Dogs Out?”  We reached this room about 75% into the fair and the humorous collection of stuffed dogs and novelty tees gave me an energy spike I desperately needed. I’m also going to have the Baha Men stuck in my head for days.

HARRISON: It’s genius. Ben Sisto spent 7 plus years of his life researching “Who Let the Dogs Out?” from the song itself back through any and all musical references or influences that allowed the song to exist. The collection includes toys, music, collectors items, and an incredibly thorough explanation to every piece involved. I laughed throughout the space — this level of intense obsession and research on a single subject is my everything.

TAKE US LYING DOWN

Lisa Levy and Paul Gagner

Molly: Spring Break’s office space lended itself perfectly to Lisa Levy and Paul Gagner’s faux therapy office, reception desk and all. While waiting for a therapy session participants are invited to view books written by the fictional Dr. Howard Mosely, M.D., including titles such as A Beginner’s Guide to Home Lobotomy, Coping With Imaginary Foes, and DIY Coffins. Inside the office Lisa Levy gives public therapy sessions in her “office” that includes wall works with statements such as “WOMEN! Lower your expectations of men,” “I don’t know who you are but I need your approval” and various other remarks many of us have experienced our therapist yelling at us. As someone who annoys her therapist weekly, I found the installation charming and relatable. The room felt like an installation I would want to make specifically to troll my own therapist.

ELIZABETH BICK: THE REAL SIN WOULD BE NEVER EXPERIENCING IT

Curated by C. Finley

HARRISON: Elizabeth Bick is a street photography enthusiast, a pastime which introduced her to a stranger on the train. She and this older woman ended up sharing a passion for dance, and collaborated on a series of photos that offer us a glimpse into her life—through illness and hardship, all performed for Bick’s lens. Both Bick and her subject were dancers for years, and their communal understanding of body and movement is evident. Each photograph is incredibly emotive yet quiet and alone, showcasing a performer whose audience is regularly absent.

GUY RICHARDS SMIT

Curated by Carol Bove

HARRISON: Smit’s series of skull portraits are arranged like a periodic table of descriptors paired with differentiated, but obviously identifiable, skulls. Skull descriptions included words, in all caps, like, “COLLECTOR”, “EASILY SATISFIED”, “BOY CRAZY” and so forth. It’s simple, intelligent, and funny, while also serving as a reminder of mortality. Also Molly and I fit most of the adjectives so we left laughing and directly attacked.

Molly: I felt personally attacked by this booth. I need the large skull with the words “BOY CRAZY” hung over my bed as both a memento mori and a reminder that “actually no, you do not need to send that drunk text.”

SPECIAL PROJECT: GATEWAY by Leah Piepgras

Curated by Grin

HARRISON: The booth by Providence-based artist run gallery Grin provided the antidote to spiritual and physical fair fatigue. The space is filled with mirrored sculptures lit so the reflected light is soothing and provides blue refraction directly behind the works. The ceiling pieces rotate on their own, while the artist invites viewers to spin the wall works (gently) to create a prayer wheel. I recommend recuperating here.

Molly: Normally if someone told me to “spin a glittery wheel while saying a prayer with good thoughts” my eyes would not be able to roll hard enough but this space was so beautiful I was completely invested. The installation completely transported me and is a perfect room to take a break when art fair fatigue is setting in.

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