heads up! mentions of a past abusive relationship (for reader). this should really go on wooahaes but i'm too lazy to format it rn and i need sleep so take this ig??? i might repost over there some other time....
there's things that are unfair about having a boyfriend like vernon. you think one of them is how pretty he can look when he's sleeping.
of course, he's still human. he ends up with messy hair, and sometimes he drools, and there's about a thousand other things you can list off about him when he sleeps... but he's still your boyfriend. and thus, every little 'flaw' he has is something you consider pretty on him. he would (and will, when he's in a sappy enough mood) say the exact same about you, to be fair. he shifts a little in his sleep, stretching and reaching for you.
you still remember overhearing him talk to his mom the morning after you slept in the same bed as him for the first time. it'd literally only been sleeping, but you heard him quietly say 'they trust me a lot,' to her while on the phone. he'd been unpacking breakfast. when she asked about it, he merely said "they fell asleep next to me. they've never done that before. i think... i think they trust me," in that pensive way, like he's thinking more than he's actually saying.
(i do, you told him later. trust you. i think i love you, too. and it'd been what made him say that he loves you for the first time--something he didn't expect to hear back without that 'i think' to protect yourself. you said it to him a few weeks later, and he teared up--although he'll always deny it when you bring it up now.)
"you're staring again." he pulls you out of your thoughts with ease, and his eyes meet yours in the low light. "what's wrong?"
you saw today's date. some birthdays never leave you, and that's true of the person who hurt you. the person you only told vernon about a few months ago in full, although he knew of the person's existence before then. you remember what that person said to you, too. that you didn't need anyone else aside from them...
"nothing," you say, and it's a half-lie. it'll bother you a little more, but you don't want to have this talk now. not when you're already starting to drift off, safe in his presence. vernon's good at protecting you from ugly feelings that settle into your bones like an unwanted guest. "we'll talk later, honey."
he gives you a uncertain look. "you only call me honey when you're upset."
(it's a mutual thing: he calls you either by your name or a casual dude any other time, and baby and babe and love of my life whenever he's trying to avoid a topic temporarily. the two of you communicate: vernon's good at making you feel safe in that, too.)
"right," you say. "we'll talk in the morning... homie."
it earns a crackling snort from him, and he smiles that cute gummy smile as he hides his face for a moment. "ah, really... god, you're such a dork sometimes, i swear."
"a dork who landed you," you always remind him. yet when his eyes meet yours a moment later, you feel something warm in your chest that washes away that ugly feeling all too easily. you reach out, holding his face. "i think... i won."
"you won?"
"you love me," you say. "my friends love me... i'm loved," you say quietly, and the feeling still feels a little foreign. you are loved, you repeat mentally for a moment: because they see you as you, not the broken mess you feel you are. "so i won."
vernon gets it soon enough, and he nods. "you won," he says quietly. "i'm glad you're here... homie."
you crack up, too, and he quietly laughs at his own little moment with you. his laugh and his smile always make you giggle, too, and he pulls you in to kiss you happily.
"i love you," he mumbles against your lips, "i love you, i love you, i love you--" and he keeps planting kisses against against and around your lips to punctuate every repeat of the phrase, before he draws back, satisfied after being struck with the need to be overly sappy. "alright?"
gone is that bitter feeling that once flashed through your veins and settled into your bones. all you feel now is love, soft and sweet, as you're so openly reminded that you're not alone. that the two of you shoulder these problems together. you won, you think, because you are alive and being loved and learning to love wholeheartedly again.
"yeah," you settle in to sleep, planning to keep to your promise of talking come morning. "i love you, too, you big sap."
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Ok so I’m going back through the manga because I’m trying to write a thing like a proper fancy thing but like these scenes…I LITTRLSLY FEEL NADUEOUS. CAN WE LOOK AT FHESE SCENES FOR A FRW SECOND SPLESDE
He’s offering to cook him something 😭😭😭
Omfg he’s learning and doing his best 😭😭😭 He’s so concentrated too 😭😭😭
Idk why so many people (mostly referring to characters in the manga but sometimes real life people do too) think Laios isn’t interested in people or whatever like he’s literally so sweet and he cares about people so much what the fuck
I was gonna put this* in my rant thing but it’s more Kabru-centric and this is much more Laios-centric so I probs have to cut it.
*This: Laios not only noted that Kabru must be hungry because he was revived (He also specifically used the term blood loss, which was probably because he could see Kabru being smushed to bloody bits in front of him. It also makes it oddly considerate that he noticed Kabru had bled a lot when killed and figured it would probably make him even hungrier) and offered to make Kabru a meal, he also had something specific he wanted to make just for Kabru. He did, unfortunately for Kabru, make a harpy omelet because Kabru said he was interested in monster food, so Kabru dislikes this, but it’s a very sweet gesture if you see it through Laios’ point of view. He doesn’t know Kabru hates monsters, he thinks Kabru is a friendly guy who is also interested in monster cuisine, and so when Kabru is hungry, he takes the time to learn and makes him monster cuisine just for him.
I’m probably just being sensitive and dramatic and shit because I’m on my period but what the fuck Laios is so sweet to him I’m going to be sick he was like “he’s probably hungry” and then he offered to make him something and he worked so hard on it and he thought Kabru would like it he was trying to make Kabru a delicious meal because they’re buddies and whatever what the fuckkkkn 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 shut up he’s so nice to Kabru I love that I love that so much and like Kabru is suffering poor thang but he fucking lied and so Laios is going off the lie he’s being as sweet as he can be making him a supposedly yummy meal ough he’s looking out for him
Spoilers for Dungeon Meshi Manga Chapter 76:
AND THEN LATER WHEN HE FINDS OUT KABRU DIDNT LIKE THE MEALS HE SAYS SORRY EVEN THKIGJ HE DIDNT KNOW AND KABRU LIED TO HOM AND HE OFFETEF T TAKE KABRU TO A NON MONSTER RESTAURNT BECAUSE HE WANT HIM TO HAVE A YUMMY MEAL SHUT FUCK UP WHAT THE FUCK 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I HOPE HE IS GOOD TO KABRU FOREVER AND WHEN TJEU ARE COWORKERS KABRU EATS GOOD MEALS EVERYDAY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 KABRUUUUUUUUU 😭😭😭😭 LAISO TRINF TO OFFER HIM YUMMY MEALS MAKES ME SICK 😭😭😭😭😭😭 KABRU YUMMY MEAL PLEASEEEEE AND LAIOS HES HE HT MAKEMEAL 😭😭😭😭😭😭 OUGHH I FELL ILL
😭😭😭
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i kinda wished gray was angry at carmen instead of relieved just for yknow angst and stuff like at the jail when he was like "how did u know i was here" and shes like "all in good time gray" i wish he was like "its graham. whos gray?" cuz lol yea idk if this makes sense i suck at typing
Alright i might go off on a tangent so like feel free to clarify if its too far off base from intent
But i am personally actually ok with the angst on Gray’s side being saved for later, there are so many angsty moments already stuffed in there
->the fight being draining and difficult and ultimately a failure to keep them off him
->the parallel to gray disappearing from sight because of the cleaners
-> gray still getting pain pang and helping carmen where he can
->carmen desperately trying as many keys as she can when the robot finally comes
->carmen screaming for gray after he screamed for her
Like…phew thats alot happening and i think that it would get lost in the fray
Side note:
-> him taking the info that ACME finds carmen shady and she decided to work with him and actually wondering who gray is especially because she came to find him…hmm fun
-> gray watching all those civilian gets mistaken as spy movies and going ahhhh.ha.
BUT on the sentiment of gray being angry and not just relieved.
He does start to say it’s graham before he’s interrupted. And he has always been exasperatedly trying to put it aside to try and just be with her in the moment
Like…askjdnfdaksjf look at this face
Relief is not the only emotion here
And it does come to its breakpoint
because well [the point is she’s lying to him.- bugs life voice]
And what a breakpoint it is because Carmen is not allowed to pretend that the person in front of her doesn’t have a thing to say about who she was protecting*
So its not angst denied but angst delayed if that makes sense and the himalaya caper puts it into more focus than the jail could
Like “alas why did he not simply look into her yearny eyes and make a decent life choice for once” aside [which is so fun to say]...
but the thing is …it's something that i do think gray gets to be mad about at that moment [not that he isn’t making a terrible life choice on the side but-]
…she lied to him by omission and flat out. And only came to rescue a fake version of him as far as he’s concerned. A fake version it seems she was pretending even further with by calling him gray and not graham.
….
GAH THIS IS WHY I DON’T GET WHY YOU GUYS THINK BLANKET LETTING CARMEN HAVE ZERO REVISIONS ON HOW SHE SEES HIM IS OK
And no just enemy who !had his chance at the cotillion you! doesn’t work as the final verdict either >:0
[you're making the carmen sad and that has literally never worked plus carmen is just wrong for this on some level]
They’re so messy dude…like there’s so much to unravel and him being firm but straightforward about it is at least picks at this issue good enough for the moment…oof…was a lot like …oogh
But necessary. Gray is a person who actually has a reaction to this ya know [or character i mean- same thing].
His anger tends to be overshadowed by a lot else is all…[T.T multiple mistakes in a row babeyyyyyyyyyy] + his own prioritizing when it comes to his own emotions
And to make matters worse….OMFG THEY STILL LIKE EACH OTHER THEY’RE STILL SO MUCH MORE SAD INSTEAD OF MAD ABOUT IT ALL AND WANT TO BE TOGETHER AND ALL THE LIES BEING UNVEILED JUST MAKES THE TRUTH MUCH MORE NECESSARY AND IMPORTANT OMGGGGGGG GRRAH WHY ARE YOU 2 BEING SQUISHY CRIMES HAVE BEEN COMMITED!
They just need to tone down the nonsense…be even more honest with each other …they be wild out here…ya’ll can do it with time i believe in ye, even if that will mean more tough conversations with each other, i think they like each other enough
But yes. Him mad at it DOES make good angst. ..and tbh not even for just that moment…because …
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binsoo's new post ! featuring @sunchases .
june 28th — this is the first year that this date holds a special meaning to me, but i know that it will always be the case from now on, for as long as i live. that's because it is your birthday, and i will always celebrate the day the most special person i have ever met was born. to have met you and become a part of your life the way i have is one of the luckiest things that have ever happened to me, and i will never take it for granted.
harper yi, you are my sunflower and my sun all in one, the one that completes me and the reason i continue to better myself every day. you are such a warm and kind person & i will do everything in my power to give you the happiness that you deserve. you're beautiful both inside and out & when i look at you, i see a masterpiece. while i may have not known you for as long as i would have liked, i know that your existence is a very special one — and i will make up for all the years we went through without each other by loving you as hard as i possibly can. i was put on this earth to love you and i will do so with every fiber of my soul, even long after i'm gone.
i love you. i love you, i love you, i love you. i thought these words were so difficult to say and that i would never say them to anyone, but it feels so natural when it comes to you. so much so, that i never want to stop saying it — even in a public space like this, because i want everyone to know that you are mine and i am yours. you're the love of my life & you always will be, no matter what. now that i have you, i am never letting you go.
all of this to say that i wish you the best birthday and all the happiness, success and love in the universe for the years to come — to be alive in the same time as you is a blessing. this is only the first of many special dates in our life together and i will continue to celebrate you, my most special someone, at every chance i get. you're my present and my future, and you deserve everything good in this world.
you are truly everything to me, my love, and i will make sure you never forget that.
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