#i hope nobody else has done this i couldnt find one when i looked! ive been thinking about it for ages

[makiitoh]

[dysfunctionalnerd]

I was wondering ... how would Randall react to Evil! Layton? or Monocle! Layton(by the way your drawings are amazing!)

ahhh thank u so much!! that means so much to me ;u; oh my GOSH MONACLE LAYTON!!! i havent thought about him organically in too long sksksks

well so ok if i had to make layton evil at any point in time, the way id do it would be after unwound future. it would be about 2 years after he found randall, but in this scenario he never worked up the courage to call randall or go back and visit after he left Monte D'or so abrubtly, which means losing that friendship was already weighing on his heart. so then after UF, losing claire and luke in the span of the same week... its too much for him. Crying in his room one night, he says "so this is it then? am i destined to always lose the people i love? i will simply never love again." and he snaps. he gets cold and distant, doesnt allow the kindness of others to reach him. all he wants now is vengance, and this man has been wronged by soooooo many people.

The only person still living with him is flora at this point. at first she lets things slide. things like seeing hersh withdraw into his study for too long, or drink too late into the night. but then she notices he stays in his room for days at a time, clearly working on something, but he gets so rude when asked about what. shes always met with answers like "its none of your concern" or "dont ask questions you're not prepared to hear the answer to", until one day she really puts her foot down. Demands to know whats going on. Shes so worried. But hershel screams at her to go away. an ugly, terrible yelling nobody deserves. and its so cold she just,, runs away crying. she cant think of anybody to reach out for help. she doesnt know anybody, she was never allowed to go out and make friends.

until she remembers the stories luke told her about the man they saved in Monte D'or, and she remembers how softly hershel would smile the precious few times he mentioned he name randall.

so she pulls up a phone book and looks up a Randall Ascot. Its not hard considering he owns an entire fucking town. shes crying and scared and alone, and when randall picks up the phone, he is of course concerned. hes never met this girl, but nobody should by crying this much, and then his heart breaks when he realizes its hershel who did this. He was always hurt by how hershel never said goodbye, and never called again to rekindle their friendship. at first he doesn't want to come over, but flora begs him.

"please, randall, you have to help. I know i hardly know you but... nobody else can reach him, i just know it".

so he grabs the nearest train. tells flora take take it easy at a bougie hotel for a night while he makes the trip over, pays for everything ofc. the two meet up. randall falls in love with this girl in .5 seconds (yknow in that "ive only met this girl for 10 minutes but if anything were to happen to her id kill everyone in this room and then myself" kind of way). They decide to just go to hershels flat and knock. he doesnt answer. they knock again. nothing. randall gets worried. he breaks down the door, shouts for hershel. Nobodys there. the place is empty. they enter hershels study to make sure, but what they find horrifies them. a GIANT charlie kelly style board with a bunch of pictures of different people, mostly people connected to bill hawks, and red lines connecting them stand before the two, and they both know in their gut its a hit list of some kind.

so they run to parliment or whatever building it is those goverment people all stay in, hoping its not too late, hope maybe their suspicions arent true. Theyre horrified when they reach the front steps and theres no guards or anything. sirens are blaring. they run down the halls. injured soldier's and police are telling them to turn back, its not worth it, this man is unstoppable.

"please dont let it be hershel, please dont let it be hershel."

flora stops when they reach the big door. she looks up at randall, crying. "im sorry... but i cant go in. i dont want to face him like this."

randall hugs her, reassures her. tells her its ok to wait by the entrance, that everything will be ok.

Flora rushes off, and randall takes a deep breath. He opens the door where bill hawks office is supposed to be. Randalls heart sinks. in the big chair is hershel, a sword covered in red, and tied to chains too close to the fire place is a beat up bill hawks.

hershel greets him coldly, like strangers.

"ah hello there. im sorry, but the prime minister cannot assist you today. please come back later."

"hershel, what are you doing??? that sword.... have you??"

"killed someone? no..." he hops off his chair and points his sword to bill hawks, far too close to the neck. "no not yet. but if youd like, you can join me for the first one."

Randall picks up a pipe or something close to him. "i cant let you do this hershel... i know youre better than this."

"ah, but you see, thats the thing." his blade lightly touches bills neck. "i could be, but then... whats the point?" then he scoffs, and pulls his sword away, pointing it towards randall in a battle stance. "never mind, you could never understand."

and he charges. AND THE EPIC SWORD FIGHT BETWEEN HERSHEL AND RANDALL THAT WE WERE ROBBED OF COMENCES! Randall, between parrys, is in total disbelief. "Hershel, stop it! i know how youre feeling, but this isnt the solution! youre tired, and scared, and unbelievably hurt. youre in so much pain... this isn't going to end that pain!"

clink, parry

"you couldnt possibly know what im feeling. ive lost everyone. but its no matter."

for a moment it looks like hershel is about to pin randall down, but he swoops away at the last minute.

"No, please hershel, you cant think like that!! youre not alone!! not anymore!! You didnt give up on the masked gentleman... let me return the favor!"

hershel gasps at this, and hesitates. its enough for randall to knock hershels sword out of his hands, and pin him to the ground. Hershel is afraid, his eyes are wide.

"r-randall, stop it!! leave me alone!"

"no!" randall throws the pipe he fought with aside. "not until you make things right!" he starts crying, his tears spill on hershels shirt. "not until i get my best friend back..."

hershel can't take it anymore. He screams, and starts crying uncontrollably. that ugly crying you reserve for your worst moments, and randall softens his grip on hersh, changes it so hes hugging his friend. And hershel just cries and cries and cries.

"i... i just dont want to live like this anymore..." he sobs.

"hershel.... oh hershel, im so, so sorry."

and they continue to cry. eventually randall asks what happened, how it got to this. hershel explains the events of the last few years. how luke left. how bill hawks sent men to beat him to an inch of his life 8 years ago, so really this is just him returning the favor. they talk it out.

"hershel... you owe flora an apology"

and hershel starts crying even more. "oh no, how could i do this to her?? im a monster..."

"nonsense! shes just worried about you, we all just want you to be ok. give her time, you two will be ok."

so slowly, randall convinces hershel to take his hand and walk out before some real irreverasble damage is done. they dont untie bill tho :) hershel comes face to face with flora at the entrance. starts stuttering some words, but jever gets around to saying anything bc flora hugs hershel so tightly, and cries into his chest. "professor i was so worried..."

"i.... im so sorry...."

and thats it!! the police dont do anything bc i dont believe in them, hawks eventually gets voted out. they all go home and randall decides to stay with hershel until he find a therapist. then decides to stay with him until he starts smiling again, then because i mean whos gonna help out with flora?? and then bc honestly hershel, this place is a mess! and then,,,,, well,,,,,, yknow,, 👀👀

[chicagopd2020]

New Beginnings Are Good For Everyone!!!

Kim Burgess has loved everything about her job. Honestly it was getting to be a little to much for at times. She loves being an FBI Agent & helping save lives of the people & putting away the bad guys but she is ready for something different. She still wants to work in law enforcement but something with a smaller unit of people. Luckily she made a new friend with a woman that had some into the FBI a few months ago. Erin Lindsey.

She was given the job of showing her the ropes of how everything was done. Within the time that they had soent together they had become very close, she would even go as far as saying Erin was her best friend. She was jealous of her a little though becayse tge unit that she came from in Chicago was exactly the kind of work that she has always wanted to do.

It just becomes a bit much at times. I just sometimes wish I work in a unit like you used to work in, Kim says to Erin

Kim you have been here for right at 5 years if you a change nobody would judge you. Erins tells her

That may be true but I honestly wouldnt even know where to start, all I know is how to be an FBI Agent.

If I can set up a metting between you and my old sargent in Chicago, would you be willing to fly out there for a few days.

You would really do that for me? She asks

Of course as much as you have done for me its the least I could do.

Kim thinking that it wouldnt actually happen told Erin if she could set it up that she would fly out and me him.

Erin let Kim know to keep her a couple days & she would have an answer for her.

Kims weekend was pretty uneventful for the most part. It was just her & her couch...with the work week she had she thought she deserved it. Knowing Monday morning would come quicker than she wanted it to. As her alarm goes off at 4:30am like usual she gets up so that she would have enough time to get ready to make it on time to the office.

She arrives at the office at 6:30am like normal with her & Erin's morning coffee to help them survive the day.

Erin spots Kim walking her way with the extra coffee in her hand. She met her halfway because she was just so excited to let her know about the phone called that happened this weekend. She just had to let her know everything that she was told.

Good Morning Beautiful    Erin says excitedly with a huge smile on her face.

Good Morning to you too.    Smiling back to her

So I was going to wait til lunch and tell you the information that i found out this weekend but I dont think I can wait that long.

What are you talking about?    She asked puzzled

So I talked to my olf Sargent Hank Voight and he actually has an open spot in the Intelligence Unit. He is willing to meet with you next week to see if you would be a great addition to the team or not. I vouched for you and told him that he wouldnt find anyone better.

Kim had this blank look on her face...she just couldnt believe this was happening. She had pushed it of her mind thinking it wasnt going to happen.

I cant think you enough for doing this for me. What if he doesnt like me?

Just be yourself & he will love you. Plus ive seen first hand what you can do in the field. I know you are an amazing cop & would be a perfect fit for the team.

All Kim could do is hug Erin so tight.

She left for Chicago tomorrow & would be there for couple days. She has never been more nervous about anything but the only reason that she was this way was because she wanted it so bad. Everything was packed and ready to head to what she was hoping was the beginning of a new start to the rest of her life.

**Jay**

Ever since Erin had left without saying anything to him he just hasnt been the same. He goes to work does his job but besides that he doesnt really care about much of anything else. His job is the only thing that he has good going for him right now. He would only hang with the team at mollys for few drinks but he would always stay quiet just thinking about maybe what he done to cause her to up and leave him without as much as an explanation.

Everyone was worried about Jay, they knew he was hurting because of her leaving but he never let it affect his job performance. They just want him to be happy and find someone to make him happy again. They all know that she isnt coming back this time. She is gone for good and there is nothing that Jay,Hank or anyone on the team could do to bring her back. Maybe they could talk him into letting them set him up on a blind date.

5 months had gone by and he knew that he should put himself back out in the dating world but he didnt really want to start caring about someone again the way he did her just to be hurt again, but he also knows that he cant compare every woman to her and not every woman out there is going to hurt him or leave him. He just has to be a little more cautious this time before letting someone competely in. Maybe just maybe he might take the guys up on their option of letting them set me up on a blind date, I mean if it doesnt work out i mean at least he cant say that he didnt try.

He walks into the pin and he sees Adam & Kevin having a conversation so he walks up to them with a slight smile on his face.

Set it up. He blurts out

They both look at him kind of lost.

Ok..What exactly are you setting up?

You said that you wanted to set me up on a blind date & i thought that i would give it a shot. Whats the worst thing that could happen....Get stood up or End up not having a good time. I will never know if I dont give it a shot.

They were surprised but they are just glad that he is finally putting himself out there or at least giving them the opportunity to get him back in the dating life.

You got it brother..    They both say with a smile on their face.

Saying that he was nervous was a little bit of an understatement. He had arrived a little bit early just to make sure that everything was fine and set up to his liking. He had been sitting for 30 mins. She was a few mins late...whoever she was.

After sitting there for a little while longer he realized that she wasnt coming so he just decided to go to the bar and have drink or 2 or 4 he hadnt really made up his mind. He was sitting there looking at his drink when he seen a shadow standing next to him.

Is this seat taken? The nice lady ask

Not at all feel free he says as he goes back to nursing his drink getting lost in his thoughts.

Im sorry i dont mean to intrude but are you ok? You dont look the best...No offense. She ask him

No offense taken. I let my friends set me up on a blind date and whoever she was decided that to stand me up, so instead of sitting at the table looking like a fool i decided that i would come over here and have a few drinks. So i guess you could say that i have been better. Whats a lady like you doing out at this time of night?

I am staying in a room upstairs & have alot going through my mind so i thought that maybe if I came down here and had a drink that maybe it would ease my mind a bit and that i would actually be able to get some sleep. She informs him

Are you in Chicago for business or fun?

I am here for business I am currently living in Washington but I have an interview tomorrow and if all goes well then i may just end up permanently in Chicago. Heres to hoping she says as she holds up her glass.

He holds his up as well. I hope everything goes the way that you want it to tomorrow. My name is Jay he says as he sticks out his hand with a small smile.

My name is Kim it was very nice meeting you Jay but I think that it is time that i head upstairs to get some rest so that i dont look too tired in the morning. Good Night and I hope that your night gets better.

Thank you Kim, Good Luck tomorrow on your interview.

As she walks away he couldnt help but to look over his shoulder one last time before she was out of his sight knowing that he may never see this woman again. He was surprised that when he looked over he shoulder that his eyes was met with hers looking right back at him and she turn the corner with one final smile. When she was out of his sight he finished the drink in his hand he decided to just head home, turns out that being stood up turned out to be one of the best things that had happened to him. He really had to thank the boys for choosing such a horrible date for him.

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK...AND BE TRUTHFUL & LET ME KNOW IF I SHOULD CONTINUE OR NOT????

[sup4l3e]

I’m Crazy...

I’m insane...

I've lost the plot..

I'm hopeless..

I'm worthless..

I'm unloveable..

I'm pathetic..

I'm weird..

I'm strange..

I'm not okay...

I'm a psycho... (ok this one for me might be true... question it, go on try it! i dare you! ;0 lol)

BUT...

I AM!!!

Those are just some of the things my own mind tells me on a daily basis ... yes here it comes a blog about anxiety and depression... omg!! i know right the cliche of it all. like who hasnt written a blog about depression before ...

oh woe is me! am i right?

well... thats where you're wrong!

(before i start i want no sympathy im not writing this for the "aww's" and the "bless her" comments, i dont want sympathy or empathy ... this is simply because ive experienced and lived with depression for about 14 years and if i can help one person feel better about themselves by reading this or help someone realise that they are not alone then, well, i can rest easy tonight. If anything i want to empower people)

I lived for so many years in the dark, keeping all of this too myself and you know what it did? absolutely sweet FA apart from making me so much worse, it gave ammunition to those little voices, telling me all of the above, making them win!

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago that talking about my experiences and how im feeling would help.

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago how many other people around me were going through the EXACT same thing.

Two and a half years ago i was a completely different person, i was sheltered, i was in a very toxic relationship ... with myself. Most people would disagree, they'd say i was actually in a toxic relationship with my ex partner; but i cant blame him. Dont get me wrong he was toxic and looking back i was lucky to get out when i did, however i am also grateful too him, because he showed me exactly what i dont want in my life. and being fair to him i'd lived with my own toxicity in my mind for a good 10 years before him, so god forbid i'd give him the satisfaction of all that praise coz by god did i do a damned good number on myself without any of his help. ;)

In all honestly though, i do blame myself and my own mind, because 2 and a half years ago those little voices in my own head were the only thing i was listening to, they were winning. I wasnt listening to my family who were worried sick about me, who were practically begging me to tell them what was going on in my head, who i shut out, ignored and pushed away because i couldnt cope and you know what? they didnt deserve that at all. i live everyday regretting that i put them through that, So i now live everyday hoping to make them proud of me and live each and everyday with a promise. I do however live every day regretting that i didnt let them in earlier because if i had of i wouldnt have gone through the hell i did and i wouldnt have genuinely believed "this is what i deserve" "no-one else will love you" "no-one else wants you" "no-one cares"... i wouldnt have had too live a LIE.

The lie was people did love me, i just couldnt see it, people did care about me, i just wouldnt hear it, i needed their help, i just wouldnt speak it; because at that point in time my own mind was telling me that i didnt deserve any of that, and that nobody would ever want to do that for me. So i found sactuary in a toxic person who in the long run made me the strong person i am today because if it werent for him i'd never have the confidence in myself knowing what i overcame, and if it werent for him i wouldnt have seen my family and loved ones take charge and say "Leanne enough is enough" .. they gave me the metaphorical slap across the face i damned well needed and brought me back to reality, they categorically wouldnt allow that behaviour to carry on anymore and for that i will forever be grateful!

i made a promise to them that day that i would always tell them when i was getting low again and i made a promise to myself that day that i would keep them in the forefront of my mind in all of my decisions and i would also promise to try and help anyone else who was ever in the same position i was in.

depression is a funny old thing, everyone will experience some form of depression throughout their life, some people are genetically wired to experience it, some people will experience it from a young age, some dont experience it until very late on in life, some experience it from sad/happy/overwhelming life events, some unlucky souls just never find happiness. but no matter what EVERYONE will, at somepoint experience depression. in this blog im going to try and explain how i've learned to manage and cope with mine.

A bit of a backstory of my depression, it started around the age of 14-15, my depression. I dont know where it came from but it was right around the time of my GCSE's, college, boys, hormones, and being diagnosed with PCOS (for those of you who dont know what that is its Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) i was told at a young age of 14 that i had some sort of syndrome which "would only matter when i got older", and that i had some of the prettiest ovaries the sonographer and gyneacologist had ever seen... in hindsight that wasnt going to be the compliment i first thought it was or the dismissive statement they portrayed it and brushed it off as, at all! THAT diagnosis changed alot of my life, however i will get back to that.

As most teens do around here I started studying for my GCSE's at just 15 years old. i was so stressed out i started actually hearing a screaming voice in my head. i suffered panic attacks daily, sometimes a few attacks a day, and that is where my anxiety started and then, good old depression smashed me in the face. i found the more stressed i became, the more id hear that screaming inside my head which then lead me to thinking " holy fucking shitballs im hearing voices im actually insane" therefore leading to more anxiety and panic attacks. so much so i would come home exhausted at 4pm everyday crawl into my pyjamas and climb into bed ready to do it all again the following day. (dont get me wrong i sat most nights on msn using the latest flashing emojis for EACH and EVERY letter of the alphabet, to the point it looked more like hyroglyphics and obviously getting the colours just right with the codes to make your name and status show in a rainbow. but that was all done in pj's curled up in bed because i couldnt manage much else ... however, if my mam asks i was revising and doing my homework THE. WHOLE. TIME, not talking to my friends about how hot a certain crush's bum looked that day ha! am i right! :P xoxo)

This was all a massive thing for me to go through aswell, due to the fact my dad has mental health issues and lives with schizophrenia, so, naturally at this point, you can imagine i was picturing myself in padlocked straight jackets and padded cells, talking away to the screaming voice in my head. the funniest thing was this screaming voice wasnt saying anything nasty or bad it was just my thoughts screaming at me like everything was angry, so genuinely just everyday life thoughts but those screaming at me, like, imagine thinking "leanne dont forget to pack your PE kit" but in the voice of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket... it. was. TERRIFYING!

Anyways, so yes high school was a massive contributor, then i made the choice to leave college at 17 because i, like many others, didnt have the faintest clue what i wanted to be when i grew up (little did i know id live the life of peter pan and neverland would be my sesh house OIOI!!!) In leaving college i went into full time work, as a 'temp job' until i decided what i was going to do... unfortunately, 8 and a half years later i was still their prisoner! haha, Nah, dont get me wrong i met some absolutely amazing people in that job and i did love it but i knew at the end, if i didnt get out it was going to kill me off. I'd gotten to the point in that job that i cried myself to sleep knowing i had to go back in the next day. that place contributed alot to my depression not because it was a bad job but because id made a wrong decision and was stuck there. i had to leave.

my next massive contributor, and this is where i divulge some of my REAL heartbreaks. PCOS - Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome or what i like to call Poly fucking Cystic fucking Ovary fucking Syndrome or "lets just fuck shit up!" (no im not bitter about it at all lol) because of this shit, from the very young age of 14 (like puberty isnt hard enough - spots, hair in places you never wanted boobs growing overnight, bleeding once a month being the biggest inconvenience) i have also had to deal with weight issues, hersuitism, depression, anxiety, hormones that sent me bat shit crazy, pain, headaches, fatigue, you name it i had it. but the biggest heartbreak, being told that id always have difficulty concieving and carrying a child. Anyone who knows me, and knows me well, knows i have always wanted to be a mam. (and not the sesh mam who looks after all my drunken idiotic friends on a night out ... coz i swear thats all they ever think i do lol) I mean a real mam, to a real baby. and being told at a young age that i had the prettiest ovaries the gyneacologist had ever seen wasnt the compliment i thought it was because it turned out my ovaries were absolutely covered in cysts. And for years i have tried to have a baby but alas nothing ever happens. i've had a few close calls and ive miscarried, or at least i think i did, the test came back positive but then about 3 days after that pretty pink second line, i had the heaviest period i had ever had for around 4 hours and then my body went back to normal as if nothing happened. it broke my heart.

They say the human body is delicate and intricate and should be treated with respect... i say its a machine and its a absolute twat at times, and why should i respect what in essence has caused me heartbreak from a young age FOR NO FUCKING REASON. but hey ho... life. goes. on.

so... thats my life story or just a snippet of it. and some of the reasons why i have depression.

heres how i cope...

Well, for a long time.. and i mean a VERY LONG time i didnt. i hid it, i hid away from the world. i drank alot. i avoided family, i avoided my best friends, i avoided anything that would have brought me back to reality.

For a long time though, thats what i needed. now im not saying running away from your issues is easy and thats what you should do because its definitely not. im saying i NEEDED to do it at the time because i had no other way of coping and i NEEDED too to learn what not to do in the future. So masking, for me, was better than facing things 'alone'. In that time though, i made my issues alot worse and in fact caused more issues. it hurt my family, my friends and well hurt myself too, because in the long run i still had to sober up and i still had to deal with the same issues that got me down in the first place, i ended up in debt which contributed further too my issues. I did some very silly things which when i look back on them now i could have hurt so many people. i took an overdose of painkillers at one point around 2 and a half years ago. I felt so weak i saw no other outcome but instantly regretted doing it and made myself sick so that they came back up. i've told my mother and close friends about this previously but i think to really show how much i've learned and to reach out to anyone who is feeling the same way i did, to tell them IT REALLY DOES GET BETTER AND EASIER. i think saying that, shows my honesty throughout this post and allows for my experience and honesty really show that i want to help anyone going through the same thing.

Masking just makes the pain go away for a short period of time. learning from your pain and making it your strength is how you really overcome your own mind and depression.

It wasnt until i realised i was never alone, just how selfish and stupid id been all that time, because in masking, hiding and running away, id stupidly stopped myself from a faster recovery, less heartache, less pain and mental and physical torture. and really i stopped myself from helping others in the same position as me.

it wasnt until i learned to make my pain my strength that i truly found peace in who i am.

i still have days where those voices wont shut up, and they win and thats ok.

i still have days where i cannot climb out of bed and thats ok.

i still have days where i cry and the pain is too much and thats ok.

because i learned all of it really is ok! everyone has those same thoughts the same feelings the same illnesses. and i know that tomorrow WILL be a better day.

you just need to learn how to make it and own it as your own!

nothing has changed for me, all of those things are still true they're still real, my body hasnt miraculously healed itself, i still made poor life choices, it hasnt changed my hormonal imbalances but it has changed my mindset. it has changed my life. i made a choice to change my mindset and not let it beat me i decided to let people in. my family are my guardian angels because they never gave up on me, they dragged it out of me and frogmarched me to the doctors for the help i needed but some people dont have that support in their lives.

i'm lucky enough now, to have lived with this for long enough to know my signs, and when i know what i call, "going dark" is coming. basically when i start slipping and losing control of it again, i identify it and know how to manage it head on. unfortunately my body because of the stupid "intricate machine" i have and how broken it is (believe me the day i can swap out into an AI robot body imma sign straight up for that shit imma have me a body like Jennifer Anniston) my body however tends to go into a meltdown, i end up with more migraines, pain and infections. i also get extremely tired to the point i can sleep for a good 15-20 hours a day and thats not me being lazy (although if sleeping were an olympic sport i'd be the universal champion of it BED=LIFE) thats really me needing to reset. at that point in time when i know this is coming, thats when i reach out; i tell my friends and my family "I'm not okay" because i know now i can do that, i can talk to them.

i, personally, take medication daily, and for some reason we live in a society where people are actually shamed for doing so. i know if i dont take those 2 little tablets every day i will lose control and become a shell of who i really am. my seratonin levels drop and i practically become a robot barely functioning. so why should i be ashamed of those 2 little 'happy pills' which make me the person i want to be and know i truly am! no chemical imbalance is going to get the better of me! if i can have the help, im damned sure going to take it. along with the happy pills, aswell as alot of sleep, sunbeds, spending time with family and friends whenever i possibly can, i now have a job that i love, i also retrained as a beautician, and i love going to the gym and swimming whenever i can, ive found i can manage mine alot better. one thing that massively changed my life was limitting when i drink. i rarely go out drinking anymore and the reason is because i know deep down i will end up in a very low state afterwards. alcohol is a depressant and i wont allow that kind of thing to get me down. so now instead i choose to drink once a month if not less. i havent cut out the drink completely i just know if i want to get blinding drunk i need to be in a very happy place to do so. so i am careful where i drink, who i drink with and what i do whilst im drinking and unfortunately much to my neighbours disgust that tends to be in the house whilst singing along to whitney houston or disney songs at the top of my lungs, but thats how i know i'll not plummet the day after, and lets face it anyone whose heard me singing knows whitney had nothing on me ;)

In all seriousness though, the best advice i can give anyone living with depression is talk to someone, talk to your family, talk to your neighbour, talk to your friends, talk to your doctor, talk to your dog, your cat, the postman, the man on the bus who sits oddly close too you... just talk to anyone. tell them how you are feeling tell them your experiences. tell them what is getting to you. Find someone who you can trust, find a stranger. write it all down in a blog. video it. GET IT ALL OFF YOUR CHEST! SAY IT OUT LOUD! Just. Bloody. Talk! please!

everyones experiences with depression are different some people mask it, some people show it, some people (like me now) shout it from the fucking rooftops because im not afraid of my emotions anymore.

everyones ways of coping are different too, some people find the gym helps, some rely on medication, some rely on talking therapies... there are so many different ways of coping out there now... the only way that doesnt work is not admitting something is wrong and fighting your own mind without help, knowing something isnt right but still doing nothing about it. The only way of not coping is living a lie, you dont have to do this alone!

Basically do those things just for you, the ones you've always wanted to do! get that tattoo you wanted, quit your job, retrain, change your hair colour, buy that car, buy that dog, book that holiday.

do what makes YOU happy!

live for you and open up, people would rather know how you are feeling than see you struggle or ultimately not be here.

open up you never know someone might be feeling the exact same way you are and it could bring you closer.

but remember most importantly:

You ARE NOT Alone..

You ARE NOT Crazy..

You ARE NOT insane..

You HAVE NOT lost the plot..

You ARE NOT hopeless..

You ARE NOT worthless..

You ARE NOT unloveable..

You ARE NOT pathetic..

You ARE NOT weird..

You ARE NOT a psycho..

You ARE NOT strange..

And..

You ARE okay...

You ARE Beautiful..

You ARE Worth it..

YOU ARE Loved

i hope this helps...

thank you ☺

[macklives]

homestuck recap

i hated this so fucking much bc my 2 am bitch-ass didnt want to read a recap thats probably longer than any slowburn out there

anyways here it is

also, uhhH sorry im using this as a end of session discussion bc that shit gets explained in her as well. and im not writing up more recaps of a recap so this is where im done for the day. (by done for the day i mean last nights session, im still doing a liveblog soon. i just wrote this yesterday)

also that this is long

you dont have to read it, theres nothing of importance

ive been coping with humor to get me through it

neato.

have fun with what i suffered through:

why was “beta” the only thing unhighlighted?

like did i miss a page???

OH its the beta version of HS thats why

damn its like 5 pages and thats it

mmh

well youll all be happy to know im clicking every single one of these links again bc i like looking back like ahh i remember that. good times. also in case i forgot some shit existed.

do you think andrew had fun writing this? or was he like “fuck”

thats a lot of fucking package talk. good thing im not confused as of now and remember it pretty clearly. of else, this early on in the recap, id be screwed.

god remember when i did an analysis on each item and what it did

i feel as if i have the technology engrained inside my head right now

cruxite, alchemeter, all that jazz

flashbacks are starting up already

yeah, that was the good part in homestuck where i knew 100% that i probably would continue on this liveblog in its entirety, ngl

that one explosion scene. bc it kept me going.

OH W A IT SHIT

i just realized how the intermission spades probably fucking foreshadowed the whole jack revolts thing and gains the ring, which was also technically JOHNS fault considering he slashed up the doll in the first place

my god, i guess thats the only good aspect of the recap. looking back at things and realizing the missing pieces.

oh that makes sense for the whole “this prototyping had no effect on the enemies, since he was already in the medium” i didnt actually think about that

little did rose know where that would get her right now

oh yeah

there’s still the whole entire lab terminal thing and how mom basically knows the place exists. i guess we’re still venturing onto that and itll come up later when we find out how mom knows SO MUCH about the game.

still think shes some weird spy or secret agent

i kinda love her ngl

anyways, theres literally no reason for skaia to produce a cloning machine. so technically, they only sent the meteors in, right? so who put the cloning machine in if not mom?

oh yeah that impact was nerve wrecking asf

and still at this point in the comic i called dave fuckboy red

huh, how times change

i hated reading that whole paragraph ngl, the frustration just kicked me in the boobs again

yeah nobody else got tornadoes, huh?

OH that makes also much more sense

bc she did prototyped them before she entered the medium.

i gotcha

man one of my favorite edits i made, rose hitting that meteor with a bat

are you

telling me

the exiles structures they arrived on were in the form of the items the kids used to enter the medium?

THE EGG

THAT EXPLAINS “EGG”

of course it was 413 years ago. that was never explained. simply vague “many years in the future....” but i expected no less from this

man serenity is the most wholesome character in hs no doubt

damn thought andy here was really gonna spoil us jade’s planet

okay cool, im glad i now have the layout to the whole “their stations went to the coordinates of the home button” shindig

man i honestly dont know what else to say besides “yeah cool recap” when i already pretty much know what went down? ofc im looking into each link and shit and adding in things when i see fit, but otherwise its just me going “ah good times” yknow

the whole meteor thing kinda makes sense now?

we’re still missing a few pieces of info but we’re getting there, folks

oh yeah that reveal

god jade and dave have it in the shits for parents huh

bro isnt the best and jade has a fucking dog

who lowkey

is doing better than bro

who knew a fucking dog is a better guardian than bro lmfao

dreambot = terminator. im telling you.

sorry im still on that idea and it will never leave unless i have the actual proof in front of me that its not going to become a thing. meaning, ive finished hs and theres still no terminator dreambot or either andrew himself gives me a canon letter with “the robot is not arnold, mackenzie, pls just let it be”

why is the entire game session highlighted

i swear to god if this is like to a second recap or smth of the whole game session i may fucking CRY

okay thank god its just a design of the skaia layout

which is honestly cool

idk why its blurry tho but i can at least see the layout now. which is honestly how i pictured it anyways.

yeah, john did make a huge impact in his friends’ life and i find that so fucking touching

yep. got that. everything loops around. cool.

especially when the trolls come in. god we havent even gotten to that recap portion yet, we havent even gotten to the INTERMISSION

pls can this be the halfway point to the recap

AT LEAST

so they were exiled after the whole jack: ascend thing, right? considering theyre way in the future. man no fucking wonder.

speaking of jack

man that whole dad and jack interaction was gold, ngl

OH THAT EXPLAINS THE RING THEN

and wow, andrew’s really giving us the best female content huh. andrew is the true god of equality and diversity.

also hey, i didnt realize that wow. so PM tricked the queen in showing the parking ticket to be able to take the present from jack. she’s a smart cookie, that one..

she and PM basically snitched on jack and it was the best thing that has happened to me so far

oh yeah okay

but why did AR panic over bec? bc thats something we havent learned yet, right?

anyways

exile town, the only town which should exist. facts. i dont make the rules.

noice

i love PM being queen. like.. thats canon now. shes an actual queen.

yeah that was a fun game and the consorts were cute

fuck yeah the dick head

hate them even more now that i know john was killed because of them

anyways, i wonder what dick move dave’s denizen did? maybe thats why its filled with lava bc the denizen was like “fuck it. make the land red. kill them all”

UH WHAT

WHAT

OH MY GOD HOW DID I JUST FORGET NANNAS LETTER LIKE THAT LMFAO

THEIR TITLES WERE THERE THE WHOLE TIME!

so i still dont know what they mean but i can gather it has something to do with the game giving them abilities. considering dave is the “knight of time” and he can go back in time. whack.

which means john can either control someones breathing or simply wind. and rose is... like that one girl in the winx club who does the sun shit. bc whenever i think of light powers, i think of stella.

and jade is space. witch of space.

nice

i have no idea what that means ngl

okay finally

we’re at the trolls

maybe this recap will end soon

i remember when i thought they were internet bullies

yesss

someone asked if i basically knew the trolls were on a different veil than the kids, so not presently with them, and i know lol. i was making a joke before btw. jsyk. dont think im incompetent to forget these things when sometimes i choose to forget it so i can add in a joke

it be like that, i annoy many

then again, pls dont assume im trying to say im not incompetent bc im also a fucking dumbass and DO forget shit and i have no excuse

imagine being so bored on the meteor, your last resort is speaking to aliens

ngl me if i was ever trapped on a meteor and could potentially do that

nah ik its bc its their only hope at helping with their session or whatever tf CG said to john. but there was BOUND to be a conference meeting between them like “okay guys. humans. that needs to be sorted out” and you just hear CG screaming in the background

i cant wait to meet them honestly bc im growing on all 4 of the ones we’ve seen already. and on top of that, i know what they look like and i know theyre not THAT bad, just a little on the crayy zee side sometimes

but theyre trying

OH MY GOD

I GET IT

FUCK

DOES THAT MEAN THE INTERMISSION IS *APART* OF THE MAIN FUCKING STORY??

AND SPADES IS WV FOR THE TROLLS

GOD D A M N

wow

i didnt expect that. but maybe the signs were there and i was just willingly choosing to ignore it or smth bc “haha couldnt be, right”

flashbacks to how i thought the trolls were humans

anyways, i guess he got his revenge on the kids version of “snowman” ie the black queen. but really

he did not have to do that. he could have cut off the finger and fled. but he decided “nah, lets implode her” so the loml is dead and all i got was a catchy song

i knew they were different types of “bullies” but now i just have to replace bullies with uhh

trolling strategies

anyways, this is cute. i love how they’ve come to be friends through mutual frustration. good part in the comic.

i wonder why it explodes

more importantly

....

terminator time?

this was my favourite sequences of dialogues in the whole entirety of homestuck. that is to say the back and forth thing that the kids went through to become a sort of wingman for the other.

absolutely gold.

all except AT’s rap.

GC was the only smart one with the linear shit

anyways fuck he still has to kill the denizen now but apparently its hard to beat for a sleeping dick head so

that will be fun for the future

john will probably need to kill A LOT of imps to get there

yeah rose is a badass bc she slayed that thing with needles of all things

OH and the white queen was the cursive

damn did AR ever do the whole guide process to a kid yet? maybe he will with dave, idk

oHHH

i fucking SEE

thats why he said DNA

to use it and replace all the life forms in the ocean

fucking neat wow

man that sounded sarcastic but im genuinely impressed bc all i got was bullshit as i read jaspersprites log

so thats the secret. it was “meow” bc that somehow translates to the genetic code she needs then. and that code apparently took fucking years to write as well. sick. whack. oh man.

derse is very pretty, ngl

and wow shit

“dave had already been awake in his tower all along without realizing it” how tf does someone just

do that, awake in both places at once

i didnt even fucking realize that fact as i read that pesterlog wow

ah yes, around the time things got confusing

okay so the capsule makes sense bc at first i didnt know it was a fucking time capsule so i got confused as to how it just apparated the game lmfao

the more you know i guess *twinkle*

i find that a neat concept tho

like the whole whatever you prototype affects the imps and shit

yeah so that whole “he had no advice” basically impacted his future

no shit dave wanted to reset things bc he probably thought he caused some sort of bad butterfly effect and killed his best friend

fuck calsprite thats all im gonna say

i read that first sentence and i think i got an aneurysm

and then everything else just made me sad again

i mean good thing he fucking did amirite?

we got pain at first but now we got cool shit like idk

fucking DAVESPRITE

damn idk how that works

will rose have like two minds now? or will this be some steven universe fusion shit?

“and understood their meaning” course well i fucking didnt so could you pls elaborate, rose?

okay but then what the fuck did he use that was inside the fucking box

bc i thought he used his knife?

im only every going to refer him as that now, thank you andrew

alright okay..

god that was a lot

i dont know what will happen once i click on those links but i am going to see that for myself bc i refuse to add ANYTHING ELSE

[heanv]

End To Start | haechan

genre: romance,angst

warnings:cursing,mentions of drugs

word count:1,6k

requested by: @ki-aechan

song: End To Start by Nct 127

Who knows  that a single person can change you and your future to the point you really actually change and find yourself again?

/ I know there is no point if it stops even in the dark/

There is this boy Haechan you  always had a crush on.You never  told  him of course and the reason  is obvious – he was lee heachan, the boy every single girl wants and dreams about and you were nothing more than another girl in an ocean of highschoolers.

But Haechan had his dark side and little did you know.He was addicted .He smoked every single day and it was getting worse as the time passed, he couldn’t think about anything else, there was just too much going on. The scandals  in his family, the pressure of being famous at school ,the grades and the fact that haechan had nobody. Sure he had his “friends” at school but most of them just wanted to hang out with him just because he was famous. His real friends live in another town far away from him and he always thought about leaving the hellhole he lived in and go and be free and happy with the people he really loves.

But for now he couldnt do it. He cannot let his friends to see him like this. Smooking joint every single night and wasting his money on weed, he just couldn’t. And the worst is that he had nobody to talk to.not a single soul.

/gotta end it tonight/

One night you are invited to a party of a classmate and haechan is  there. of course he is there. The whole night you observed him and you see the emptiness in his eyes and how  he pretended to have fun . suddenly he looks at you and you freeze . the whole eye contact  sends you hot waves and you feel his gaze burning you inside out. he looks away and not long after he leaves,looking at you one last time before he shuts the door.

You dont know why but you felt this as a sign to follow him. You tell your friends that you have to go and when you are outside the house you take a deep breath and you start looking around for haechan.

‘stalker much,huh?” you turn and see him smoking next to his car.

“you smoke?” then you smell something disgusting and realize this is not a regular cigarette “oh my god” you take the thing out of his hand and throw it on the ground,stepping over it.

“WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS EXPENSIVE “ he shouted

“ YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS EXPENSIVE- YOUR HEALTH” you pause for a second “ you cant just smoke weed on the street”

‘’I don’t see something stopping me besides that who are you to tell me what to do” you stay silent ‘’see it yourself, I don’t even know you”

“ you cant just smoke it heachan , this is destroying you and your body” you whisper

“ have I asked you to take care of me,hmm I don’t remember , so don’t  mess with me” he says as he lits up another cigarette and enters his car, driving away from you.

In the next few weeks you barely see heachan  at school. He looks so different , so dark and silent ,no one has ever seen him like this,he was cold to everyone and he was empty as if the whole world has gone bad and dark and you just couldn’t handle looking at him being a mess, you had to do something.So you did.

One day after school you go to your secret place on the last floor in the school,there is an old art classroom where nobody goes and this is the place when you often go when you want to be alone.When you are about to enter the room you hear that somebody is talking on the phone inside.

“-yeah im okay, im doing really fine,no I stopped playing soccer , I don’t know man, I just don’t feel it anymore,no I don’t workout too”he pauses for a moment” what I ate last,umm you know man I don’t remember but im fine like really fine but I miss you guys I miss you a lot,all of you I promise soon I will visit you,okay bye man,love you” you know who this is,there is no way you couldn’t recognize this voice.but he lied,he isn’t fine , he is a mess and somebody has to help him.

“so you still stalking me or what?’ you see heachan on the door he just opened.

“ I am not stalking you,this is my secret place I come every time I am s-“

“ no way this is my secret place,the only place in the fucking school where I can be alone”” he says and you feel the sadness in his voice.

Eventually he lets you inside and you both sit in silence as he lits up a cigarette.

“since when you started smoking?”

“since when you care?”

ouch,you didn’t expect  that.

“ I asked first “ you said,hopping he will finally answer.

“ I asked second” he looks at you smirking and you sigh in disappointment.’’  A year and a half”

You look at him “huh?”

“its been a year and a half since I started smoking,that’s what I said” he sends you a dark look but that’s what you wanted to hear.

“good you answered” now its your time to smirk “ Now,why do you smoke?”

“you think im gonna answer?”

“ yes you are”

“someone’s confident,huh?”

Lie,big fat lie, if you gotta be honest right now you are shaking,talking to him like this but you had to.’

“look I am depressed, 9 years ago when me and my parents moved in here, I left all my friends in my old town and its been 9 years since I last saw them,I miss them like crazy and right now im stuck in this town,this hellhole I have nobody here and my parents wont stop shouting at each other and im just done with everyone and everything,I just don’t fucking care anymore” he pauses to smoke “ you happy now, go and tell everyone so they can laugh at me,what are you waiting for?”

You just stand there,frozen so this is all he hides behind his smile and cool personality. this is what makes him smoke in the late hours in the night.this is what makes him go crazy. this is it.

“Im sor-“

“don’t , do not say it” he looked at you with his sad,red eyes. Now they arent’t empty, they are full of hidden emotions .

Since this day you and heachan became friends. He still smoked but at least he felt a bit better but you found yourself  falling more and more for him and the more time you spent with him the more you had to hide your emotions.

One night around 11pm you are ready to fall asleep when you hear a knock at your window , you stand up and see haechan sitting on the tree next to your window.

/ a voice that will reach you wherever you are/

“what the hell are you doing here?” you say,opening your window to let him inside.

“ my parents are shouting the fuck out at each other again and I didn’t want to listen again and the only place I could go is here”

“im happy you came” you say as you both sit on your bed

“me too” he says almost like a whisper but loud enough for you to hear it . he looks up to you with his beautiful eyes.” You know since we started talking  Ive been smoking less,I just don’t feel the need to smoke when I can talk to you about,hm, about everything to be honest”

You coudnt believe your eyes, he really just told you this.

‘’im so happy to hear this haechan,im really so happy for you”

“none of this would have happened if you didn’t stalked me so its your fault , I guess” he says placing his usual smirk on his face

“ I didn’t stalk you,oh my god haechan!” you say both of you laughing.

/dance on the surface to draw and draw and dance all night/

He looks at you with his smile fading and his face becoming serious.” y/n I think I like you” he says all of a sudden. You look at him with wide eyes not believing what you just heard “I know, I know it sounds crazy but anybody has never showed that they care so much about me and the fact that ive been clean for a week shows me that I don’t need weed to get high and forget all my problems for hour or two, the only thing I really need is you and I know it still sounds crazy but I realy really like you you,y/n, I really do.”

/ a scene that openes in front of you when night ends,yes I see/

You were on the verge of crying.” I like you too heachan, Ive always liked you” he looks with eyes full of hope no longer empty and kisses you. A kiss that was way long awaited from both of you and finally happened. When you parted your lips he whispered. “I will quit smoking, I promise” then he pauses “I will do anything to have you,y/n and im not joking’” then he kisses you again.

/ gotta end it tonight to start again,ready for a new flight/

masterlist

[beepathan]

ok ive decided to just dump every thought i have on this post. buffoonery under the cut

ONE! AND HERE COMES THE TWO TO THE THREE BROS IN THE PLACE TO BE ICHIBANTTE DOUBLE B I shit i forgot the rest DOO DO DO DOOOO DO DO DO DO DOOOOO DOD OOOOO DO DOOOOOOOOOOO DOOOO DOOOOOD OOOOOD OOOOOD ODDOODOOOO i doubt thatd register as the pattern i intended it to to any one who read it. goddddd i need to yell and make noise but i CANTTTTTT flowers that bloom in the darkness its a sighting that is rare to come across nobody seems to have noticdd thay the power that has been bestowed is lust riding through the twilight this armory. protects my HEATRRRTT BADBADBABBDBADBABDBABBABBABDBDBBBBDBADBABDBABDBADBBADBABDBADBABDBADBABDABBBDBBADBANDBADBANDNAbDNABd cfnfn OFO GOD I WISH I COULD MAKE DUBSTEP NOISES OUT LOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!yeah being a scientist is gonna be cool and all but i really wish i could go into music or visual art or something like. i want to make things creatively i want to create sounds and colors and characters and words i dont want to spend my days in a lab or teaching biology to high schoolers who couldnt care less. i mean ok actually being in a lab would be cool hypothetically depending on what sort of science specifically i would do. ive been biting the insides of my cheeks a lt lately and i cant move my face without feeling the places where my cheeks have become thinner even just in the slightest amount. im worried about the message my sister and i’s comic might accidentally send because theres a lot of moral ambiguity and the “good guys” arent really good at all. there arent really any good guys in our story just people the narrative follows. ill take you baaaaack my valkyrieeeeeee youre coming HOOOOOMe i wont lose. hope. bBABBAAAAAAAAADADAADBABBABABA shit how longs that empty drink been there. since this morning ok. i really cant envision a realistic future for myself where im happy and fulfilled. its not very fun to think about and im worried about the state of the world becasue it doesnt look like its going to get better. like the actions everyday people can take willl never be enough and we just have to hope the people with the power to start fixing things will actually do so. but we all know they wont and thats scary. it really does feel like humanity is rushing headfirst into its self-made doom and its all because of a few people. which fucking sucks i mean like. can someone ping the mods on earth and get the fuckers permabanned or something. establish a unified planet where we help each other instead of trying to destroy each other at the cost of destroying ourselves. id go to therapy but these arent issues i can overcome, its genuinely how it is and theres realistically nothing to be done except try to cope with it while the people causing this dont bat an eye at what theyve done. every single day the people with power CHOOSE not to make things better. and for WHAT? im not religious but i hope to fuck theres an afterlife and theres justice because. god whats even the point otherwise? shit im about to start spiralling. ok ill try to think about something else. really the only way to get things done is to Do them and it seems obvious even to those who dont get things done but like. it truly is an ordeal because Doing things ends up being a more complicated process than youd think. we really are what we do and not what we feel but i think for mentos illness its kinda the opposite. even if you can hide your symptoms its about whats going on inside, and that inside stuff directly contradicts a lot of the efforts you try to make externally somehow. mind over matter, but what if the mind is deliberately trying to sabotage your efforts? then again, it isnt malicious in nature. just as much as you Are your mind, you are also a creature, acting on instinct, even if that instinct is thought through and rationalized so that you do not view it as such. in the end all that separates me from a cell is how much of me there is. how much of the world i can interact with. a cell can only interact with as much as it is a part of, but i interact with so much more than i will ever know or perceieve. countless cells, microbes and shit, ive changed and moved and killed and created more of those than ill ever know, because just as i can not perceive the infinite wonder of the universe, i can not perceieve the life that goes on at a certain level smaller than me. where does the line get drawn, for the life i perceieve? will i ever spell perceieve right? no. i have the power to spell it right, but i choose not to correct myself, because i have deemed that action worthless. is that why the people in power refuse to make things better? do they deem the safety of those controlled by their systems worthless? in the grand scheme of things, i suppose theyd be correct. someday we will all cease to exist, and none of our actions, our thoughts and feelings, the things weve seen and loved and feared and been apathetic to, will matter, because at the end of the day, we are a speck in the infinite expanse of the universe. but what if we werent? what if my actions have meaning, outside this room, outside this country, outside this galaxy? just because i think it is worthless to correct my spelling mistakes on a post no one will ever see does not make it so. the cells in my body dont find it worthless when i breathe, when i eat and drink and live and die. i think my laundry might be done drying soon

[lanasaved]

sssslithers onto the scene like nagini.... hlo! i’m nai n i’m rly excited to finally return 2 rp. uni is officially Over n i’m living bk at home nw so i actually hav free time again to write. c’est une.... how do u say.... Miracle! some of u might b familiar w lana already bt if not u can find out mre abt her under the cut n feel free 2 like this or hmu fr plots!!!

p.s. this is her pinterest for those of u tht like tht kind of thing

CIS-FEMALE — ever hear people say LANA JAMESON looks a lot like KRISTINE FROSETH? I think SHE is about 22, so it doesn’t really work. The DANCE major is a JUNIOR that is from ALBANY, NEW YORK. They can be + VIVACIOUS, but they can also be - IRRESPONSIBLE. I think LANA might be SHEEP. They are living in BALTA. ( nai. 22. gmt. she/her. )

some random aesthetics: a red water pistol topped up with caribbean rum and covered in stickers of cartoon pin up girls, a vinyl record whirring silently because you got too distracted by a stranger’s hands to reach over and flip sides, giant inflatable flamingos floating in the aftermath of a pool party, smudgy lipstick kisses left like an autograph on someone else’s mirror

ic im sayin she jst got bk from going abroad w louis, this kind of sleazy older man tht manages the camgirls on the website lana works fr. he calls himself a “big exec” at “the company” n mkes it all sound a lot more professional than it is. he also owns this big house w all these different rooms/settings fr the girls to film different kinds of scenes in n is looked up by a lot of ppl bt when asked why they look up to him, nobody ever rly seems to have an answer. jst...a shady figure. lana kind of.... went off the deep end lst semester n ended up deferring her next one after missing her big graded ballet recital. it’s a whole big mess n she’s wearin horse blinders to it. truly jst.... goin on holiday to ignore hw much she’s fuckin things up at school. queen of burying her head in the sand!

frm this point on ive jst pasted her old intro bc im the laziest woman alive n that’s jst life Babey

grew up in a big house in albany, NY, bt also spent time all over the place n was in the city a lot

okay so her mum is an old money socialite / three time campaign model way back when n her dad is a big record label mogul. he owns a label called jameson records n they repped a few big rock bands back in the eighties, altho they’re mostly known for ‘poppy injects’ whose lead singer had a big heroin scandal tht brought down his career. lana p much grew up around musicians snorting lines instead of spooning down cereal fr breakfast n her parents were v much absent her whole life

they’re pretty well off obviously n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. she amassed kind of an instagram following mainly fr her style (v penny lane-esque in some aspects aka lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst…. a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, flame red cowboy boots, pastel coloured fishnet tights n glitter used like highlight Everywhere) n bc she’s undeniably very pretty

her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her. it was v clear that she was an accident after her older brother caleb n that even when they just had him alone they weren’t cut out for parenthood. they always kind of jst… ignored her n hoped she’d go away. she had to mke herself microwave meals when she ws only like 12 bc they’d forget to get her anything. once she went like 6 days without her mum even looking her in the eyes once

despite this tho!!! she’s always been insanely close w her brother caleb. he’s her whole world. thts why when he decided to sign up to the army she ws understandably scared bt supported him regardless. bt then he wound up getting discharged under grounds of severe ptsd when he witnessed his best friend die in an explosion tht took place in a shock raid. caleb returned home n he was never the same n lana kind of felt like he’d died out there too. he’s in n out of hospital a lot n it’s rly hard on her bt she doesn’t tlk abt it to anyone rly

growing up lana was always a huge social butterfly. jst literally…. knew everyone n everyone definitely knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget. very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once. she has this magnetic way abt her tht is kind of hard to find in real life. it’s something ud only rly expect out of a movie character

she’s always been insatiably spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand stories tht always earn a laugh or a gasp over how ridiculously absurd they r

anyway so after caleb got back he was rly withdrawn n depressed. he shut lana out n was kind of harsh to her a lot of the time, always telling her to leave him alone or pushing her away. it didnt help either tht lana had a rly traumatic experience w some of her dad’s colleagues at the label when she ws 16 n he was away n she cldnt even tell him abt it once he was bk bc of his own traumas. she kind of jst shut it all in n kept it to herself

this obviously?? made her spiral a lot. she was already a girl tht loved sex (she’d only rly done foreplay before tho) but since her trauma it got…. completely out of hand. it got to a point where she couldnt rly go 2 days without it, probably not even 1. her lowest point has probably been scrolling thru craiglist for anonymous encounters n meeting up w strangers on there fr a quick fuck jst for the thrill even tho it’s insanely dangerous n she cld wind up getting herself killed. it’s v clear at this point tht she has a sex addiction whether she’s ever admitted it or not. in fact she’s so… shameless in her endeavours tht she’s actually currently having an affair w her ballet instructor tanya who’s engaged to b married

she also currently? is working as a cam girl. she found this website bc she trawls… porn stuff a lot n she wound up applying to work as one bc she thought it’d b fun n wld earn her some disposal income (even tho she frankly doesn’t need it bc she’s already well off). the guy tht manages all of the girls on the site is kind of suspect n it’s a whole plot i’m gna unravel where it’s actually like the front for a cult or something wild so. stay posted ig. kgjdkgjh

new development!!!!!!!! cue me trottin around doin jazz hands. she’s actually been cut off by her dad so she’s….. living off the money she has left n has to look to find a job which is jst. a nightmare fr someone like lana bc she’s insatiably irresponsible n destined to be fired from anything she tries to hold down bt. it’ll be interesting bc this means she genuinely has to keep on camming even tho she’s starting not to want to any more bc of other circumstances i won’t elaborate on jst yet winks

personality/some fun facts: uncontrollably flirty. boundlessly confident. cld make a joke out a paper bag n her comedy is sometimes surreal / absurd. she tends to laugh when she feels like crying n has a smile brighter than a ray of texas sunshine. always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. her fav book as a child used to b alice in wonderland n she’d fantasise abt having her own little wonderland too where everyone knew her name n asked her things n took her on adventures. at the time it didn’t rly strike her how evident it was tht that was bc she was so lonely. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s strawberry laces or gummy bears or cherry lollipops. she adores david bowie n prince n madonna n anyone tht’s a vintage style icon w little care fr what ppl think. wildflowers r her favourites bc they’re the brightest and u can’t buy them. she’s had like 8472493874 ‘relationships’ n none of them hav lasted beyond a month / hav been terrible / hav seen her being treated badly / she’s cheated on them. i dnt think she’s actually been w anyone she hasn’t cheated on in some form or another

plot ideas: exes tht lana’s fucked over hideously. she’d probably cheat a lot and it’d be a whole…mess. mayb someone tht flipped the switch and cheated on her? a cousin plot cld b fun too. a friend tht lana fel out w bc she slept w their significant other. someone tht’s getting lana into drugs?? she’s kind of impressionable/down for anything so tht’s a likely scenario she’d get into tbh. an unrequited crush!! (either way is cool). someone tht is just hanging out w her/using her bc she has a lot of instagram followers or they want to b signed to her dad’s label. someone in a band!! she’d probably make like penny lane n b their groupie/sleep w them all fgjkshgkh. umm a good influence too mayb? oh and a past summer romance/fling tht cld either have meant a lot or not have meant anything at all. bonus points if both of them hav a diff viewpoint on it. honestly?? anything is fine i cld ramble for days. let’s get wildt!

[captaindeanwinchesterforever]

Don’t Leave Me pt. 2

I just want to thank all of you who like to read my writing. I appreciate all the support! I hope y'all like this one. Love you guys!

Pairing: None at the moment *wink wink*

Warnings: some angst, some fluff, and a little bit of cussing

Summary: You are left having to deal with the aftermath of Gabriel’s death, but thank goodness you have a knight in shining armor.

Word count: 2,180

        I pulled into the garage of the bunker and parked my truck beside the Impala. I shut the engine off and sat there a few seconds to collect my thoughts. I got out of my truck and started to open the door to the bunker when I heard laughing and celebrating. It sounded like a fucking party. I was aggravated, but I knew that these people we brought back to this world didn’t kill Gabriel, so I didn’t need to take my anger out on them. I opened the door to see everyone having a great time. There was beer and food, people laughing and smiling at the victory they just had. I couldn’t be a part of the celebration, so I kept my head down and headed straight to my room. I hoped that Dean and Sam wouldn’t notice I was back. As long as I could stay out of their sight, I would be okay.

           “(Y/N)! Wait, please.” I forgot about the angel… I just kept walking, but Cas caught up with me and grabbed my wrist to stop me.

           “Cas, please let go of me.” I didn’t mean to snap at him, but I just couldn’t be in that room anymore.

           “I know you are hurting right now. I just want you to know that I am here for you. I’m sor…” I cut him off.

           “Don’t say it. I don’t need that right now.” I turned and glared at him with anger. My expression went from furious to sorrowful in less than a second.

           “I’m sorry, Cas. I know you’re only trying to help me and be a good friend. I really appreciate you being here for me, but I don’t need anyone’s pity. Just know that I love you and you are one of the most important people in my life. I just need some space right now. I’ll be okay.” I smiled and leaned in and gave him a peck on the cheek. I turned around and made a beeline to my room.

           I walked in and slammed the door behind me. I leaned back against it and slid down to the floor. Tears began to flow from my eyes. I had to put on a good face for the boys, but when I was behind closed doors, I could let everything out.

Sam’s POV

            I looked up when I heard the door open to the bunker. It was (Y/N). She was trying to make her way past everyone, and I assumed that she was making her way to her room. All I wanted to do is comfort her, but I knew how she was, and she wasn’t going to let any weakness show. I heard Cas yell out to her and grab her wrist. I grimaced a little thinking that Cas was about to get decked in the face, but to my surprise she didn’t do anything. I could hear a little bit of their conversation. I heard Cas try to tell her he was sorry, but she cut him off and the look she gave him was terrifying. If looks could kill that one definitely would have. Then I saw (Y/N)’s facial expression change. She regretted what she said to Cas and she said something that I couldn’t hear. She leaned up to Cas’ cheek and gave him a kiss. Then off she went to the only safe place she thought she had left.

           “Cas was real brave grabbing her arm like that.” I looked over and saw Dean standing beside me.

           “Yeah, real brave… I don’t know what to do for her, Dean. I know she wants to be alone, but I can’t just sit here and let her go through this alone. Hell, we both know how it feels to lose someone like that.” I was aggravated with everything going on, but especially that (Y/N) had to lose someone she loved. If I was being completely honest, I was pissed at Gabriel for putting her through this again.

           “I don’t know, Sammy. That’s a bit risky. Don’t get me wrong, I love (Y/N) just as much as the rest of us do but she’s different. She doesn’t like to show weakness. Hell Sam, that was the first time I had ever seen her cry. We’ve all tried to comfort her at some point, and you were able to for a little bit, but we both know that the only one that could calm her down is gone. If you feel like you need to help her then you should do it, but if you do you may not like the answer you get.” Dean has always cautioned me about (Y/N) and how she was, but it’s never scared me away. I know she isn’t like other women and I think that’s why I am drawn to her. I have always had feelings for (Y/N), but she loved Gabriel and I couldn’t live with myself if I ruined that.

           I couldn’t stand there anymore, I had to go help her. I took off through the war room and down the hall way towards (Y/N)’s bedroom. Once I reached her room, I stood there for a second. I could hear something coming from the other side of the door. I put my ear up to it and listened. It was her crying. She was trying to hold her sobs back, but she was failing.

           I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. “(Y/N), it’s Sam. I just wanted to come and check on you. Can I please come in?”

(Y/N)’s POV

I was sitting on the floor sobbing when I heard a knock on my door. It startled me a little bit. I should’ve known that someone would come and find me.

           “(Y/N), it’s Sam. I just wanted to come and check on you. Can I please come in?” Of course, it was Sam. I thought I had slipped past him without him seeing me. I got up off the floor and wiped my eyes. I took a few deep breaths and opened the door.

           “Sam, I’m fine. I just want to be alone right now. I don’t want anyone around me right now. I think its best that you leave.” I felt awful being this hateful towards Sam, but he doesn’t need to see me like this. He definitely didn’t need to waste his time on me. I just wanted him to go celebrate and be happy. I went to close the door in his face, but he stopped it with his hand.

           “(Y/N), I just wanted to come and see how you were doing. You were gone for a while and I was worried. I didn’t know where you had gone.” He was so sincere, but I needed him to leave. I wasn’t worth his time or effort. I wasn’t worth fixing.

           “I appreciate that, but I’m good.” I had an agitated tone in my voice. Even with the hateful tone, he was patient.

           “We could just hang out like we used to. It was fun watching movies and talking to you. We used to talk about anything and everything. I just want to help you.” He was trying so hard to help me. I remember how much fun we used to have after I lost Gabriel the first time. Sam was always there. Through my good days and my dark days. I depended on him a little more than I would’ve liked to admit. My feelings for him started to change and I pushed them down. He wouldn’t want this hot mess. He was just being nice, and Sam deserved a whole hell of a lot better than me. As soon as these feelings started, they disappeared, because that’s when Gabriel came back into my life.

           “I don’t need you to save me again, Sam. I definitely don’t need a babysitter. I’ll be fine.” I sounded like a real bitch. If I didn’t feel bad before, I definitely feel bad now. I could see the annoyed look on his face.

           “(Y/N), listen. I get what you’re going through and I get you want to be alone, but I think being alone is the last thing you need to be right now. All I want to do is help you and all you do is push me away. I see straight through that act you put on for everyone else. I’m your friend (Y/N) and I care about you. So please just let me help you!” Sam had never raised his voice at me before. I could feel the tears well up in my eyes. I tried to hold them back, but one fell down my cheek. I saw the regret on Sam’s face for what he did. He started to apologize, but I quickly wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face in his chest. He engulfed me in his arms and I finally felt safe again, just like before.

           “I’m sorry, Sam. Can you stay here with me for a little while?” I just wanted his company, nobody else’s just his. Sam shook his head yes and we walked into the room and closed the door behind us.

           Sam and I were laying on our backs staring up at the ceiling of my room. We were just kind of enjoying each other’s company, not really talking until I spoke up.

           “I’m sorry I was so mean to you earlier. I don’t know how to act or feel about what just happened. I want to believe that Gabriel is alive, but I have a gut feeling that he’s actually gone this time. I’m furious with him for doing this to me again, but most importantly I want to kill Michael. I want revenge Sam and I’ve never felt like this before. I’m overwhelmed with all the different thoughts going through my head. What’s even worse is that I have been such an awful friend to you, and you didn’t deserve any of it. Sam, you’re the only one I can be myself with and you have no idea how important that is to me. There are no words to describe how sorry I am to have put you through so much. I don’t deserve to have a friend like you.” I had rolled over on my side facing Sam while I said this. I really didn’t deserve him. The fact he still wanted to help me after I was such a bitch to him made me appreciate him even more. He rolled over to face me and looked at me for a second with his sad puppy dog eyes.

           “(Y/N), you don’t need to be sorry. I don’t blame you for what you said or how you acted. I would have done the same thing. I understand why our friendship changed when Gabriel came back. You loved each other and he had just stepped back into your life. I don’t blame you for wanting to spend all your time with him. You’re very special to me (Y/N) and I just don’t want you to feel like you have to go through this alone. I was there for you then and I am here for you know. I always will be. As for Michael, he isn’t coming back (Y/N). He is stuck in that other world with Lucifer. Where I hope they’ll rip each other apart.” He reached up and tucked some stray hairs behind my ear. I couldn’t help but smile. Sam made me feel safe and he took care of me.

           “Thank you, Sam.” I smiled at him and nuzzled myself up against his body. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. Right before I fell asleep, I heard him whisper something, but I couldn’t quite make out the words.

Sam’s POV

           (Y/N) snuggled herself up to me and I wrapped my arms around her. I missed this so much. I missed the smell of her hair, how warm her body was against mine, the conversations we used to have, but most importantly I missed her. I felt like I could fly. The smile on my face was never going to leave. (Y/N) deserved so much better than what her life has handed her. She was rough around the edges and often put up a wall to keep people out, but under all that she had the most beautiful soul. I had never had feelings like this for any other woman, she was everything to me.

           I could tell (Y/N) was starting to fall asleep, so I pulled her in closer. Her face was buried into the crook of my neck. Her breathing started to slow, and I could tell she had finally fallen asleep. I kissed the top of her head and whispered, “I promise to always take care of you and never leave you. I love you, (Y/N). I always have.”

           I could feel my eyes starting to get heavy. I didn’t want to leave her, so I rested my head on her pillow and drifted off to sleep.

[kayladenisediary]

This is very old. Very very old. But I love it so I’m posting it.

Serendipity

I dont ever want to forget the way you made me feel that night.. i know i sound crazy and this is probably all in my head but i dont think anyone could ever make my body feel the way that you did that night i just cant help but wonder where your head was at when this was happening.. did you feel it too.. the way that our bodies recognized each other’s.. the way your skin melted into mine was an out of this world mind blowing sensation that makes my toes curl and causes a warm sensation in my abdomen. i wanted to kiss you so bad but i was scared youd push me away.. but your body knows mine even after all these years and i still very vividly remember how your hair felt between my fingers and holy shit youre one of the most perfect people ive ever met. you make me furious and happy all at once i could never stay mad at you for long cause all you would have to do is smile at me and i would melt into your arms. you do something to me that nobody else ever could and i searched for it in a lot of other people.. i still do.. but i know that if we are meant for each other we will find our way again. we always do. youve left my life so many times but you always come back and each time you come back its always better than the last time. i feel connected to you in a lot of ways that i do not understand. you make my head spin and my heart warm all at the same time. you drive me crazy in such an amazingly beautiful way. you are the one person who has all of my reason and sanity blinded.. he could never make me feel this way. i loved him but i still searched for you in him and couldnt find you. i want to feel your hand on my face again i want to feel you next to me again i dont care what i have to do to make that happen. i cant get enough of you youre literally a walking opioid with green eyes. i didnt think you could make me feel this way i didnt think that my body would feel so safe underneath yours but it does. you carry parts of me nobody else in this world ever will and i want you to hold the rest of them and cherish the love i have for you. because i promise you i never stopped. you did but that is okay because youre still here and you still exist as one of the best parts of my fucked up life. your remind me of older days and simpler times where nothing else mattered but us. i wish i could take us back to that but i cant and thats okay because im getting used to whatever we have now and whatever we have now is more perfect and feels more right than anything ive ever done. you come so damn naturally to me its unreal.. i dont think i will ever forget opening my eyes and seeing you above me and then looking at the moonlit sky and seeing the stars above us and thinking to myself “is it possible for my life to get any more perfect than it is right now?” you keep telling me that we wont be together and that we arent meant for each other but we always seem to end up in each others arms. isnt that pretty ironic? does it not scream to you that maybe this is how things are supposed to be?? with me on your chest listening to your heartbeat and counting each breath you take because i dont know what else it could be. its like the universe keeps placing us together in hopes that our hearts find each other again. and oh how i wish you would open yours up to me again. you would not regret loving me and you would not regret letting me love you. because i promise you i would cherish you as if you were the most fragile thing the earth ever created. if its not fate then explain it to me.. what is it? i hope you see it one day. ive waited four years for you i think i can wait a whole lot longer and i promise you if i have to wait a lifetime for you i will. because you are that special to me. everything you do is perfect to me. every conversation.. every late night drunken argument weve ever had.. every touch.. and every smile shows me every day that you are without a doubt the person i was supposed to spend my life with. even if its taking you a little longer to figure that out.

[punkscowardschampions]

Drew & Carly

Drew: doing my head in Carly: record time Carly: wanna swap seats Drew: funny Drew: sitting next to ro, remember, not ali Carly: shes alright Drew: don't think she's down Drew: soz babe Carly: ha Carly: k but shes not dtf you either Carly: poor baby Drew: fuck off Drew: how would you know Carly: your mood is a giveaway Carly: i kno when youre frustrated boy Drew: bet I won't be by the time this trip is over Carly: idc Carly: make that bet w your gf Drew: lies Drew: poor baby Drew: don't reckon she'd appreciate that Carly: ha Carly: why would i lie Drew: 'cos even if you do care, can't have what you want Carly: i can fuck you whenever i want Carly: rn if i wanted to Drew: weren't talking 'bout me Drew: but nah Carly: k Carly: now youre lying Drew: nope Carly: you didnt come into my inbox to cry about your gf Carly: or did you & your that lad now Carly: embarrassing Drew: don't be a bitch Drew: looking for some peace and quiet is that so much to ask Carly: from me yea Carly: you kno i dont do quiet Carly: not w you Drew: ha Drew: cute Carly: & true Carly: arent you bored Carly: dont you wanna have some fun this trip Drew: i told you i'm going to Drew: w ro Carly: yea Carly: get out my inbox then i gotta make my own Carly: plenty of lads on this coach Drew: and girls Carly: nah Carly: back to boys you kno Drew: shame Drew: good times Carly: yea but youre boring now Drew: fuck off Drew: nah i ain't Drew: ali is Carly: tell your missus Carly: ali can still party Drew: not with us Carly: yea Carly: if she wanted Carly: youre the one on a chain Drew: i do what i want Drew: whenever i want Carly: do something then Carly: be fun Drew: whaddya want me to do on this packed coach Carly: the bathroom is free Carly: but k youre too scared to start the party Drew: not scared Drew: just not a moron Carly: k Carly: ill ask someone else Drew: u do that Drew: know it won't be as good as me Carly: ha Carly: maybe used to be Carly: reckon youve lost your touch Carly: married life will do that like Drew: you reckon? Drew: you wish Carly: i kno Carly: its written on you Carly: bored & boring Carly: you couldnt turn me on now Drew: yea yea yea Drew: otherwise written all over your face, babe Carly: ha no Carly: check me out as much as you want you wont see that Drew: so up yourself Carly: cuz im not gonna waste my time w you k Carly: my das more fun than you rn Drew: know you're a traveller like Drew: but that's sick Carly: you cant even slag me off proper these days Carly: who are you Carly: sad Drew: 'cos I don't need another bird doing my head in Drew: all chat but you're the same as her, like Carly: fuck off Carly: nothing ive said i wouldnt follow through on Carly: youre the one thats being a pussy Drew: yeah? well you're a nag Drew: I don't wanna fuck you, get off my dick Carly: get out my inbox Carly: you came pouting to me Drew: 'scuse me for thinking you were different Carly: what do you want boy? Drew: forget it Carly: nah Carly: ask for it Drew: Already did Drew: just be a laugh, yeah, don't get on at me Carly: k Carly: whats in it for me tho? Carly: genuinely asking Drew: idk Drew: didn't promise there was Carly: least youve finally stopped lying Drew: ugh Drew: thought we were getting somewhere girl Carly: im only saying Carly: dont get in a mood Drew: i ain't Drew: who are u sharing a room with Carly: nobody Carly: the numbers are off Drew: lucky Carly: you should be more like me & people wouldnt wanna share w you Drew: always have caleb Drew: banging on and on about his girl Carly: no thanks Drew: didn't think so Drew: nightmare Carly: welcome to the other bed Carly: unless your gonna call me a nympho over it Drew: teachers won't be down but might take you up on that Carly: idc Carly: dont think they were down for me being on this trip Carly: but i paid my money Drew: yeah, that's all they care about Drew: though they were all out there with the behave or you'll get kicked threats Drew: standard Carly: yea Carly: try & send me back home my ma & da arent there Carly: be very irresponsible like Drew: they never are Drew: but they don't need to know that Carly: news to them i had a passport Drew: yeah, only last 5 years don't they? Drew: guess when you was 10 they couldn't always piss off without ya Carly: ha Carly: youre funny when youre not sulking Drew: shut up Drew: 'cos you're alright when you're not being a bitch Carly: ive not been a bitch to you since i was making you work for your 3way Drew: well that was hot so acceptable Carly: k so i can be a bitch if im hot yea Carly: ill remember that Drew: goes without saying Drew: fit girls can get away with anything Carly: so you do think im fit Drew: you know you are Carly: yea but idk what you think Drew: gotta keep you guessing, babe Carly: please Drew: please what? Carly: please do Carly: im bored Drew: same Carly: i can pass you my water bottle if you want Carly: all i could smuggle tho Drew: realtalk Drew: no one's smuggling over borders Drew: not worth the aggro Drew: you'll get stuff here no doubt, i'm losing a week's wages 😒 Carly: its a holiday Carly: itll be worth it Carly: especially if you arent all talk Carly: your gf be losing her v like Drew: i ain't but she is Drew: gonna be hard to get her to 🤐 but if anyone can Carly: in it for the challenge Carly: i get it now Drew: what's to get Drew: she's hot Carly: k Carly: but uptight Drew: better than loose Carly: nah Carly: dont tell me you dont want a girl whod let you do anything Drew: not if she's let every cunt do the same, nah Drew: besides, can train a girl like Ro Carly: she isnt stupid enough to blindly follow commands Carly: or you around Drew: 🤔 we'll see Drew: not that its stupid Drew: i'm not fun to be around? Carly: you were Carly: before you got a wife Drew: not asking for ya Drew: but see, you know what you're missing Carly: youre a good fuck ive never denied it Carly: fun when you want Drew: exactly Drew: its Ro's turn to find out Carly: so go chat her up Carly: you love foreplay Drew: don't reckon she wants her first time to be in the coach toilets Carly: ha Carly: didnt mean you had to do it now boy Drew: you know Drew: work fast Carly: yea Carly: thats romance Carly: dont keep a girl waiting Drew: I am capable Drew: if the situation calls Carly: dont waste that info on me Drew: never Carly: seat swap w me tho Carly: up the front is not a party Carly: you throw up once cuz your hanging & get stuck there for life Drew: 😂 Drew: diddums Drew: alright Drew: can chat up woodfield Drew: caleb will be buzzin' Carly: shes got a body under those new jeans Carly: a goer i reckon Drew: you would Drew: only boys my arse 😏 Carly: gotta do something Carly: bored enough to break a few rules Drew: i see u Drew: MY girlfriend, remember? Carly: what do you think you see Drew: just sayin', asking to move, then saying you're gonna lez off Drew: not that thick 😂 Carly: but obvious Carly: as fantasies go you could do better Drew: been there Drew: done that Carly: not w her Carly: shes no ali but thats mean Drew: again, doubt she'll want you there to help with the devirginizing Drew: try not to take it person Carly: i dont wanna be there Carly: the first time is always shit Drew: nah Drew: not with me Carly: ha Carly: youre not that good Drew: pshhh Drew: don't be bitter Carly: im not Carly: its facts Carly: shell be so nervous youll be lucky if you get more than the tip in Carly: probs shes a crier too Drew: shut up Carly: its not your bad Carly: just how it is Carly: itll get better Carly: maybe good Drew: well it's off-putting Drew: men don't need to know about that stuff Drew: keep it to yourselves Carly: k Carly: just trying to help you be more than all chat Drew: yeah right Drew: like you wanna help her Carly: why wouldnt i Carly: i said shes alright Drew: still, no need to be that charitable Drew: why d'you care? Carly: not offering to warm her up for you babe Carly: ive probs hung out w her more than you have Carly: why shouldnt i care Drew: 'cos she ain't your girlfriend Drew: between me and her, not the fucking committee Carly: unlike you i can care about people im not fucking Drew: 🙄 Drew: whatevs Carly: why do you care if i talk about her or not Carly: that i kno her Drew: 'cos i know what girls are like Drew: always talking Carly: me and her arent bffs Carly: i wouldnt be talking to you if we were Drew: i'd hope not Carly: so dont cry Carly: im not telling her anything Drew: stop acting like you give a shit then Carly: im not acting anything Carly: thats all you babe Drew: fuck off Carly: nowhere to go Carly: busy coach remember Carly: what do you get out of being w her? Carly: she doesnt put out & she does your head in Carly: why bother Carly: there are other virgins in town, i think Drew: idk Drew: she's nice Carly: that it Drew: nah Drew: she's good girlfriend material Drew: you can see, idk why you want me to sing her praises to you Drew: masochist, like 😂 Carly: im only asking Carly: why dont you wanna sing her praises to everyone Drew: i'm not that sorta bloke Drew: cringe Carly: yea Carly: its sweet tho Drew: if you say so Drew: just makes me feel 🤢 Carly: ha Carly: better get up the front boy Drew: deffo Drew: any escape from the caleb and ali show Carly: true Carly: ms woodfield will distract you Carly: shes looking thirsty might offer her a drink Drew: queue for that toilet getting longer by the minute Carly: yea Carly: as if caleb & ali arent in there Carly: slacking Carly: like i taught her nothing Drew: probs just jerk him off in the seats like Drew: not backrow coolkids but still pretty standard Carly: aw Carly: cute Drew: how is that cute Carly: theyre in love Carly: dont be jealous Carly: youd like it if your girl offered to do you Drew: no they ain't Drew: she was with you not that long ago Drew: be on to the next soon Carly: nah Carly: she loves him & its mutual Drew: things change Drew: we don't need to make a song and dance every time someone gets with someone else like Carly: who is Carly: its no big Carly: but its still happening Drew: i'd rather just ignore it 'til it goes away Drew: not like you up in my business 😜 Carly: im not up in any part of you Carly: relax Drew: mhmm Drew: lie harder Carly: nah Carly: i wanna be but im not Carly: facts Carly: id be lying if i said i didnt want you Drew: i know Drew: prove it though Carly: how Carly: what do you want me to do Drew: brave the queue 🤳 Carly: k Carly: [Sends pics and video also because she knows he can't watch it in front of the squad] Drew: tease Drew: swap seats with me so ms woodfield can watch too Carly: prick Carly: youre a bigger tease than me tho Drew: no way Drew: i got the evidence to prove it now Carly: if i was a tease id have given you nothing Carly: let you sweat it Carly: like you are to me Drew: you ain't asked for anything Carly: but you kno what i want Carly: give me something Drew: [Sends ab pic that was just his last Insta] Carly: come on Carly: dont be like that Drew: what? Carly: such an arsehole Carly: im not begging Drew: 😂✌

[alegendarystudentwonderland-blog]

Lelia Lake Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 79240

"Lelia Lake Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 79240

Lelia Lake Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 79240

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolutions.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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Lelia Lake Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 79240

Lelia Lake Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 79240

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Lelia Lake Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 79240

Lelia Lake Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 79240

Will my car insurance increase?

I received a ticket for failure to obey street sign, because I went down a closed road. I was wondering will my insurance rates go up because of this? This is my first ticket and have been driving for about 6 years. If I go to traffic school, will it stop the rate from going up? From what I have read online, some people said it does effect and some say no. I have Allstate and live in CA. Any info is much appreciated.""

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Health Insurance For Babies?

Hey there. I am 17 and I am about to give birth to a baby boy. I was wondering if anyone knew if my father's health insurance would cover the baby until I am 18, since I am still not legally an adult until July. If you have any answers or opinions, I would greatly appreciate it. =]""

About how much does insurance cost for a 16 year old male in new Mexico cost????????

About how much does insurance cost for a 16 year old male in new Mexico cost????????

Is minimum coverage car insurance the same as an SR22?

In Tennessee, is minimum coverage car insurance the same as an SR22? I already have minimum coverage but am now required to get an SR22. Is this something that needs to be added on or will minimum coverage suffice? Thanks.""

Car insurance for 16 year old female?

I know I won't get exact on here, but about how much would car insurance cost for a 16 year old girl, I have good grades (I think that's a discount?), I took drivers Ed in the summer, and ill be driving my parents cars which is a Nissan pathfinder and a small Hyundai not sure what kind. About how much per month? Thanks!""

How much more would my car insurance cost if I went from having a 96 honda civic to a 2000 BMW 328i?

I'm getting a 2000 bmw 328i... I have a honda civic already. My insurance was like 1200 for the whole year I think... already paid it in full. I'm 19, with no accident history, no speeding tickets, never arrested; I don't really have anything that would make my insurance go up to my name. I live in MA, so i guess I can't get gieco or allstate or whatever..""

Help!!! I need cheap auto insurance!!!!!?

I am a 28 yr old woman that lives in Delaware. I need to know where I can find cheap full coverage. I have 1 speeding ticket on my driving record and I had a lapse in insurance. Any suggestions?

Car Insurance different address than car registered address?

Hi, I have insured my car on my friend's address because his postcode turns out to be very cheap for my premiums. My car and Driving Licence are registered on my home address but when I buy insurance on my home address it goes double. Do you think insuring my car on different address is wrong? What if I get my car registered on to my friends address same as my insurance policy? Would that be safe and legal? Please help me in clearing the confusion and doubt.""

Cost of car insurance?

I am a 17 year old female. No crashes, good driver. I just got enough money to buy a car, and need to pay for the insurance. I Dont know how much money that would cost. I hear its diffrent everywhere, but what is the adverage for minnesota would you say? I'd appreciate it! thanks :)""

Making 40k a yearm take home 2500 monthly after taxes and insurance. How much rent can I afford?

Can I afford 750 amonth making 40k a year? I have a car note of 300, cell phone, car insurance no credit card debt. It's really nice and I've looked it has black appliances, ...show more""

What are the minimum legal requirements for auto insurance in california ?

What are the minimum legal requirements for auto insurance in california ?

""Am I able to get health insurance? Please answer, need help?""

I'm 18 years old, I left home because of an ongoing abusive situation, and have been on my own for six months, it's the best thing that could of happened to me. I keep no contact with my parents. I live with an older friend who has two children. I help her around the house in exchange for rent, I buy my own food, pay for my own car insurance, and cover all of my own expenses, etc. I'm a full time college student, and I work around 30 hours a week, and now I'm looking to get affordable health insurance. However, my friend's income is much higher than mine, disqualifying me from subsidized healthcare or medicaid. Health insurance is based on household income. I am not her dependent at all, she has her own health insurance policy. I'm very confused, what course of action do I need to take? Thanks in advance for your answers!""

""Why is Mercedes insurance, especially the C class, so cheap?""

It's funny how I was qouted a cheaper insurance rate for a 2003 Mercedes, than a 1994 Toyota Corolla.""

""I was rear ended, question about insurance?""

I was rear ended, and since it was completely the other guys fault my insurance company (allstate) said I could just call his insurance company to file the claim, as they would be paying for everything. So I did, and they sent out the adjuster to assess the damages (basically scratches) and said they will be sending me a check based on the adjusters findings. So... what if when I go to get it fixed it costs more, or what if they find out something is bent or jacked up underneath? Can I go back and ask for more money if that happens?""

""Anyone bought a trampoline, put it up and then have an insurance company demand you take it down or drop you?""

Insurance company has demanded trampoline come down. Saftety nets, adult supervisor followed to a T . Spent good amount of $$$ on it! Been up for less than a year. Under warranty. Anyone have any suggestions?""

Young driver car sports car question? (insurance)?

Im 17 years old. Im on a budget of 15k for a new car. Im looking at 2003 350z's, a 2003 Mitsubishi lancer evo, or a subaru wrx (non sti). All of these are ridiculous on insurance, i know, but thats the sacrifice that must be made because i refuse to drive an economy sedan and be like every other kid my age. Im not a wanna be fast-and-furious driver, i have loved cars all my life. What do you guys think would be the most practical sports car for me, either listed above or in your own eyes. Dont suggest anything with less than 230 to the wheels or more than 6 seconds to 60. Thanks.""

Auto Insurance student discount with an incomplete grade?

For the auto insurance student discount I am required to be a full time student with a 3.00 or above. This semester I took 14 units, but the last 5 units are of a class that is incomplete . On my transcript it will show the grade for the other classes as A's and the last 5 unit class as an I. Would this have an adverse effect on my auto insurance policy? I am still a full time student with above a 3.00, but I had the grade for the class as incomplete instead of finishing it.""

I want to change car insurer?

i am currently with admiral insured on a 1.9 dci renault megane. i am a 19 year old male with 1 years no claims bonus, i have been looking at getting a new car which is a suzki sj 1.3 1988. The problem i have is that i have paid around 1500 upfront for a year of insurance, but now i hav efound a new car i have also found that rac insurance is cheaper, if i cancel my insurance with admiral now will i get the 1500 back, well taking into account i have used a month insurance so that 1500 will go down a bit, im just checking to see if i can do this to stop my self from losing 1500 thanks""

How much could I pay for my car insurance?

I'm making a finance for my Kia spectra 2007. I'm 18 and just got my liscence. It has to be full coverage. One insurance company told me 600 per month and that's just too much what do you think?

What does 'replacement cost' mean in hazard insurance?

I want to get a mortgage to buy a house. The lender requires hazard insurance at 'replacement cost' basis. I understand the lenders interest in recovering the mortgage, in ...mostrar ms""

About how much would it cost per month for car insurance? i'm 16 and i would be driving a 10 year old minivan.

About how much would it cost per month for car insurance? i'm 16 and i would be driving a 10 year old minivan.

Car insurance question....?

I had full coverage on my 01 honda civic coupe. Fixed up but i know insurance wont give a rats. ***. My question is, if it is totaled and my car had full coverage. How much would i get from them? i tried going to kelly blue book. But i don't know if insurance goes by retail, or dealer quote or what... If u can answer give u all the pnts for best answer.""

Car Insurance question?

I am 16 and in need of car insurance. I have a A-B average, and have a clean criminial and driving record. I am driving a 1993 saturn SL (4 door sedan) what would be the best insurance agency to go with? Thanks""

Is it legal to keep a check from my health insurance company that they expect me to pay the doctor with?

We are having a really difficult time financially. My husband gets a very large bonus in December and we will be back on track and then some. So here's my question. I recently ...show more

Lelia Lake Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 79240

Lelia Lake Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 79240

Why does car insurance cost more for males than females?

I'm guessing because we tend to drive more dangerously, but how is that legal being sexist like that?""

California to Canada Car Insurance?

Hi, my friend just asked me how to get car insurance in Canada when he used to live in California and he has a California license and had California insurance. He asked me about a Driver Abstract, which I have no idea what that is. He really needs help, but he is not available at the moment for me to ask him for more details. Please tell me the details of how to obtain car insurance in Canada when he used to have California insurance & has a California license/ID. Thank you!!""

All young adults pay attention...what's the cheapest yet best car insurance you have found?

I'm 19, dad wants me to buy my own car get my own insurance etc. Any pointers?""

Car insurance for a day/week for a learner

Hey, basically i am going to take my practical test in a couple of weeks (14th) and im taking it in my car, i was just wondering if there is any companys that specialise in car insurance for just a day or a week for learner drivers. if so what companys and how much am i looking to have to pay, thanks""

To get cheap insurance on a car my partner suggested if she bought another car and put me on her insurance to?

and i was put on her insurance to drive it would be cheaper as i have been disqualified for two years and she would own two cars as she can only drive automatics.....what should i do does anyone think it would be a good idea also

Will my car insurance cover this?

My car was parked in a parking spot at my apartment complex last night as it always is when I'm here, and this morning I go to my car and notice a decent size dent in my hood. It must have been done by some rowdy drunken fools last night. Will my insurance cover this?""

What is the cheapest auto insurance for young drivers?

With your experiences with auto insurance, whats been the cheapest you've had or knew someone had. I'm 20 with a 2001 Mazda Protege LX 2.0L in NYS""

How much are car insurance for a first time driver?

hi i am getting a car soon and i am a first time driver.I would like to know how much insurance will be for a first time driver living in Canada ontario ?.

Cars cheap on the insurance?

I will be buying a car soon and need advice on which ones are cheap on the insurance for the first couple of years. I like the Toyota Yaris and kind of had my heart set on one of those. Is this cheap?

How do i add my name to someone else's car insurance?

A friend of mine is willing to teach me to drive in their car. I know you have to add your name to the insurance but don't know how to or how much it will cost. Any info will be greatly apprieciated thanks

How can I get estimates for fire damage to fight the insurance adjuster?

How can I get estimates for fire damage to fight the insurance adjuster?

Car Insurance Claim for a respray?

My Ford Galaxy 1998 has lots of scratches all over the body work. Some are malicious where someone has keyed the car, others are from where a car has parked next to me and scratched mine, but the most recent one is from when i reversed into a pillar and scratched the back end. The question i'm asking everyone is am i able to claim on my car insurance for the malicious scratches? For the damage done by another car that i didn't report? And also the damage i caused? I have 6 years no claims bonus (protected) will it be affected? and an excess of 150. Am i able to make a claim for all the damage or will i need to pay where i have damaged it? Any advice please.""

I wonder how many points will my insurance raise ?

So my car was parked in-front of a SUV Lexus in a parking lot. Then, i left my friend's house and started to drive. I stepped on the gas pedal to drive forward but i forgot that the car was still in Reverse mode. So i hit the Lexus car which was behind my car and luckily no one was in that car. There is damage on that car's left side headlight and left-side of the bumper. I wonder how many points will my insurance raise ? i just got the license like a few months ago and this is my fist accident. The SUV Lexus car's parts and labor fee is really expensive so i might don't have enough cash to pay them thou. (estimate $3000-$5000)""

How much would insurance group 7 be?

would just like an estimate how much insurance group 7 is

How much is it to get painting and remodeling permit and insurance in seattle WA?

How much is it to get painting and remodeling permit and insurance in seattle WA?

How much will car insurance cost for a 17 year old in the UK?

I'm 16 years old, and 17 in a few months. I have a car already, in the garage. It's a Peugot 106, and my mum bought it for 350. I live in Newcastle, and I would like to know a rough price on the insurance? Realistically, around the region of 1000-3000 ect...""

Car insurance?.............?

if im 17 and i want to pay car insurance, would it be cheaper if i put my grandpa whos been driving for yeara on the insurance?""

""Can auto insurance drop you for changing deductible, then filing a claim?""

I have a $1000 deductible, but want to file a claim to get my car fixed from an incident a while ago (like years ago) because I want to sell it for tuition money. No other vehicles, ...show more""

What Cars Have the Best Car Insurance Rates?

What Cars Have the Best Car Insurance Rates?

How much would car insurance cost ?

I was just wondering how much it would cost for car insurance for a 17 year old Male in England Also in no that there are different types of insurance what do they all do These are the cars I'm thinking of buying Ford ka sport Fiat punto Vauxhall corsa Citroen Saxo Roughly how much would they cost and whats the best insurance option to take ? :)

Is 39.56 pounds every month good scooter insurance?

hey guys i have a yamaha maxter 125cc scooter but i cant get cheap insurance :/ the lowest one is 39.56 do you think i can get cheaper? am 19 am in london please suggest cheaper companys

""What car do you drive, how old are you and how much do you pay for insurance?

I need a few questions answered. 1. How old are you? 2. What car do you drive? 3. How much do you pay for insurance?

Do i need to have insurance on a car im not driving?

I am turning 16 the very next April and i was planning on getting my license next year. Anyways i was looking online for cheap used cars that are suitable for teens because im paying from my own money. So i found this great honda civic for only $1,250 and there is only a few days left before the owner closes the sale and i really really want that car. So i was thinking buying it now and my dad drives it home and when i get my license he gives me the keys. But i was wondering do i need insurance even if i'm not driving the car? just keeping it in the garage?? because i do not think i will be able to handle the monthly insurance plans. as i said before im paying from my own money THANKS FOR THE HELP!!""

What is the best Insurance company for car quotes ??? (Cheapest)?

Im looking for a cheap reliable insurance company i can get a qoute for a 2003 Vauxhall Corsa 1.2

What is the best type of insurance to buy term or Variable Universal Life? Why?

What is the best type of insurance to buy term or Variable Universal Life? Why?

Lelia Lake Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 79240

Lelia Lake Texas Cheap car insurance quotes zip 79240

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/im-first-time-driver-i-need-advice-getting-car-insurance-isaiah-lyons/"

[somedaypast-thesunset]

yesterday i felt like both me and our friend was kind of offended by him. he wanted to grab and knew i was with our friend anyways. he also knew i was having trouble earlier. we showed up to drop off his shit and i thought id take the opportunity to quickly use his card to pay for my college application. its not that i dont have the money, its not that i didnt try - its that i had like no other option on a time limit. but both him and his mother were super rude to both of us - why they would be rude towards someone who was asked to be there is beyond me. and ive learned to break these delusions of like.. this must be okay. it must be me and i mustve done something to make this happen. but i didnt. i did what theyve wanted me to do. when we left, which i asked if we could - our friend came to a point that he didnt even believe hed tell us if he found it anyways. we were there for a total of twenty minutes and my greeting was being told by his mother that they were expecting dinner with some insurance guy from his work at 8pm. i said thats cool - we werent there for dinner? it was 7pm. he didnt bother to see the person he invited when i told him he was there and when i went back in a second time to get him, he rudely snapped that he can knock on the door - as if me going in the backyard up to his face and saying "hey were here" was not enough. his mother also made a second comment about how this guy was coming for dinner. i told her that our friend was waiting for him and she gave a heavy sigh and made a big deal out of it. when he finally made the deal, i asked about the card and he said he couldnt find his wallet. he started looking for it and after five minutes my friend and i felt very uncomfortable so i popped back in to say goodbye and his mother was equally rude again - we know, someone youd be ashamed if they knew we existed is coming to dinner. we get it. as we drove away, my friend began brainstorming solutions to my problem with the card. i realized i wasnt in the wrong. and i was grateful to have someone who witnessed both sides of the story see that all i wanted, really, was to accomplish this goal because it was important on multiple fronts. and this person who claims to want to help just ignored me asking for help and made me feel like crap for it. but he felt offended too - he wasnt treated very nice either. you know, i dont have parents i can ask to borrow this shit. im relying on flaky and immature 20 somethings to come through on things that dont relate to them. no matter what the fuck i offer in return it doesnt matter. i shouldve lived their life and had the things they had. everyone should just be on their level. so i am offended, i guess. i wrote on it last night and described it as living within this bubble and they see everything from the perspective of this bubble and things not inside the bubble are completely cast off. when his friend died, his mother audibly shared to people that she was glad it wasnt her son. when i first heard this i thought no way - maybe they misheard. but she would absolutely say this because she exists in her bubble. like.. i think my friend also sees the unspoken parts of this too. here is someone who has struggled for months, been hospitalized, medicated, malnutritioned, clincally depressed but continued to support and give to those around me as much as i could - he never yelled at me for wanting to die. he sat across from me and believed me, every single time. because every single time was serious. he cant imagine nothing - he knows something without luxury and he knows i dont deserve that a d he respects that i have nothing. he knows it. its nof an obligation, its ljke.. genuine love. not romantic, but a genuine platonic love and desire to see someone be well. but here i am trying. im really trying. and among everything else, im looking ahead for the first time. do i deserve to go to college? maybe i dont. maybe i donf deserve an education or trade for the same that i dont deserve the 'free money' to eat. do you know the amount of obstacles a person in poverty faces. ore than just unemployment? they could BE employed and in poverty. every obstacle placed in front of them is another blow to the ego - as they watch other people afford to eat, to have clean clothes - and this creates anxiety. which leads to depression, which leads to not giving a fuck, which leads to spending what money they do have on comforts like cigarettes or alcohol because the fight to get ahead is already killing them and theyre trying to ease the pain. whether you have a handful of money or not in this scenario it doesnt matter. and every blow leaves a scar. this is my medical community experience. every blow, every attempt at help shot down by a judgemental person, it left a scar over my desire to do better and keep going. and each time that scar got thicker so i was less hurt by the failure eventually but still affected. but the scars replace a hopefulness and a naivety about the world. because i convince myself above all odds to believe it will work. i tell myself theres no reason for it not to. i ama human like everyone else. what do they have that i dont? everyone deserves medical treatment. teenagers go to college. why shouldnt i recieve the same treatment? i talk down my anxiety. from experience, four, fives timez before - didnt work. but this time, for whatever reason, its going to work. for whatevrr reason it didnt before. theres no rhyme. i dont know why or how. what do i do to avoid it? so here i am about to apply for college. the first obstacle was the desire to be alive to think into the future. which was a big one and still a struggle. it meant a certain promise to myself. then the obstacle of getting the money to apply. just to apply. which took 7 days. and now, a one step payment process which should be done without issue - not working. not working so much that i need someone elses card which means another obstacle of finding and asking and then actuallly doing it. to be treated like dirt while attempting to solve this simple problem only adds to it. and our friend knew this. he knew another scar had been placed on top and he anxiously tried to offer solutions before i decided to give up completely. and i do kind of feel like that. like i just want to give up, like who was i fooling? i didnt even want to tell people because it was probably goi g to fail and lead to another embarassme t of shit i somehiw cant do. its a -credit card-. fuck man. it shouldnt be this difficult. but since im a fucking nobody with no real ties, it is. so i woke up feeling offended. he didnt make any further effort to find his card or contact me. so why should i bother? thats how i feel about all of today now. why should i even bother? i cant for e these things to be important when theyre stuck on simple road blocks. ive had friends buy concert tickets easier. the funny thing is - hes probably offended that i just ~showed up. like im in the wrong for trying to do somerhing for myself when hes a major figure in my life that creates negative judgements of me. i dont like being trapped. like do better but expect nothing from me except to take up your time without worry or second thiught. i hate that i have to borrow money from him because its going to be a disaster. i absolutely believe itll end badly.