#i hope today/tonight is a good one ^^
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good morning!! <3
#finished up the little anniversary game yesterday#so now i need to actually progress the penacony quest#so that's the main plan for today#(i've just been lazy about it the last few days)#(and the fact that it's already kinda overcast isn't boding well lol)#but i did manage to write a little thing last night!#so i'm happy there :3#so i guess my other plan for today/tonight is to come up with tags and whatnot :3#hah i feel like that's a constant state for me#(though with the games i play constantly bringing out new characters to befriend or w/e it's not a surprise)#anyways~#i hope today/tonight is a good one ^^#morning rambles
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I just want to fall in love with someone who makes me feel safe like even when we’re angry or sad or upset i just want to know that both of us are still going to be okay
#wlw#wlw mood#sapphic#sapphism#lesbian#today was….not good#and at one point i had a moment#where i was just unbearably SAD and LONELY because i didn’t have anyone to call or talk to about it#but im still really hopeful it will happen some day#because all i want in this world is to feel secure#and for others to feel secure around me#and for everyone to feel secure around people they love#because it’s so painful and scary when you don’t#but one day im going to be warm and happy in someone’s arms and will barely remember this at all#im manifesting it#im completely okay btw things just got a little rough#and in the incredibly stressful and dramatic times i was experiencing my brain STILL had to be gay#im gay and i like sleeping#also yeah i said i wouldnt post after midnight again like two days ago but whatever#im sad and want to yearn on the internet we can make an exception tonight
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I came up with the idea for today's love fest over the weekend when I saw a lot of comments from people expressing sadness about the cancellation, and then also some embarrassment for feeling that way, or feeling alone in their emotions. I wanted to do something positive that felt personal and that would remind people that fandom isn't going anywhere.
Originally I thought to do it a few days after the WJW with DJenks, figuring we'd need another boost after that high wore off. Obviously the WJW didn't end up happening, but then I realized it was Rhys' birthday today, so that also felt like a great reason to spread a bit of love (not that you ever need a reason for that!).
And honestly, while the whole point was to make other people smile, the whole experience really boosted my own spirits tremendously. While stalking perusing everyone's blogs for inspo, I was reminded quite powerfully just how many extremely kind, talented, smart, funny, insightful, beautiful people there are in this fandom.
So I just want to say thank you. All of you who create gifs, make art, write fic, analyze the show, share shit posts, or reblog all of the above so we can see it again and again and again, you have made a difference in my fandom experience. With every post, you made me fall in love with Ed and Stede and the whole crew just a little bit more. Whether you're someone who's always in the tags or someone who prefers to quietly reblog, you have made my time here very special and I'm so grateful. 💕
#emynn.op#ofmd#also please know I tried to get to as many of you as I could but I'm still just one person#I'm also afraid there may be a bit of user error when I was trying to submit some of the asks from switching between tabs#and also I don't doubt tumblr ate a few since APPARENTLY there's a limit of 10 asks/hour and I sent...about 130#so please know even if I didn't reach out to you directly I am still giving you all the love and good vibes in the world#and I'm so happy you're here 💕#and if you're ever feeling down or alone just reach out#to me or to some other friendly face on this site#bc if there's one thing I got out of today#it's the knowledge that this fandom has a whole lot of love to give#basking in all the love tonight and I hope you are too#💕💕💕💕
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my sweet little baby man is no longer with us
#he had his bloodwork done yesterday and the vet said it was fine but he doesnt have much time left#and my bestie is a vet tech who wanted to see the lab results bc she always does and she looked at them#and asked me if she can shiw them to her boss today and i was like sure and immediately knew something was up#today keekki was being himself#then i went to run some errands and when i came back he was laying in front of the front door with his tiny baby head against it#and i was like ''oh ok one of his seizures?''#and theyre like. keekki will drool and not move and they usually last for like 20 minutes (several vets have no idea whats up with those#but it was probably either a kidney or a blood pressure thing)#anyways. it did not pass in 20 minutes so i Knew#i laid on the floor next to him#then my bff sent me a message asking me if i have the time to talk about keekki and its not good news#at this point i was about to call the vet anyways#and she was like ''ok i showed these to my boss (a vet) and she got super angry that ur vet even let you leave the clinic''#bc apparently keekkis bloodwork was so bad he should have been put down then and there but my vet was like a fresh half graduate#so i dont hold it against her. anyways i got an euthanasia appointment for this evening and spent the time before it laying on the couch#crying with keekki in my arms#i had to carry him bc he couldnt really walk without stumbling and falling down#when i had to get up to get his carrier and stuff ready he was taking a nap on the couch where i left him and i took this pic#anyways worst vet visit of my life i could hardly even do anything but nod half the time bc speaking results in me sobbing#anyways. this fucking sucks#i dont know how ill be able to sleep tonight#its been years since i last slept at home without having a little guy plop into my arms#i spent a long time with him in the vet room when he was gone#it feels surreal ive given him his last ever forehead kisses#as i left the room i told him bye the exact same way ive been saying bye to him for the last very many years ive had him#its always moikka keekki before i go to work or the store or literally anything#and that was my last moikka keekki#i hope he felt how loved he was#my dad is sending me older pics of me and keekki and he looks so happy in them. hes always right next to me#idk man im going to stop rambling now
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Clive
Wrong. Triclive attack
#Been wanting to draw him for so long !! =) I freaking love stories where the endgame villain was one of you all this time#Except it's a bit more complicated than that but still- good stuff !! I'm loving it =)#Thank you for the occasion to post my silly drawing !! I hope this Triclive will please you hehe#Oh uh- sorry for the photo quality ^^' My room is badly lit at 1am...#Also tried a new coloring style called 'I am not shading today/tonight' lol#Triclive#Luke Triton#My art
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Chicken ...
#I also like how the top billboard says 'event' since the background was for the Hell's Chicken event ... very nice touch#anyway good morning!!#I was up at 8:30 and got one of the day's chores done so I'm very happy about that--also had breakfast a little while ago#now I'm working on the Don Quixote gifs before I get up to take care of another task#my friend isn't streaming today so I have the day to focus on housework until the event tonight!!#ough ... I am so excited ... I haven't been excited for an event since Miracle in District 20 so I'm really hoping it's a fun one#Into the Inferno 🚇#scattered pages
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okay. i am very upset but i've got more work to do and i'm just gonna simmer and not think about how someone asked to repost my work (still hoping they meant reblog but idk if i'll ever find out so) or anything else and i will simmer down and return to the kinder and lovely things in my inbox after work when i have more time (:
#core talks#not sure if i'm having a hard time regulating my emotions right now because of the pain i'm in#or the lack of meds#or what#(or maybe i just have a legit right to be mad about some of the shit people are saying)#but tumblr today is not helping lmfao#i'll be back tonight i love you all hope you have a good one
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You peeps mean the world to me. Your comments brighten up my day. Your existence alone is enough.
Thank you for being you.
#embbu personal#my ugly brain worms have been cruel to me tonight but I'm trying to replace apologies with thank yous instead#it's difficult and I'm often afraid of admitting out loud when I'm not feeling great#but thank you for being here for me#i know i should seek help when I'm feeling low but honestly i don't always know where#even writing this feels wrong somehow#anyway uh thank you for reading#hope you'll have a good day today#be kind to each other and remind your loved ones how important they are to you
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Making a new post because I just realized how long the last one got lmao. Anyway just finished volume 8!
Now some more Qifrey
#Hoping to finish up to 10 tonight#also I just ordered volume 11 earlier today#got it on sale!! Still super happy about that#got it for $14 instead of about $20 like these ones usually are 😭😭 (after tax)#Should arrive by next Friday too so not too long#maddiepost#maddie reads manga#<- new tag! So people can block the tag if they find it annoying#don’t know how much I’ll use it because I don’t really post about my manga reading on here but it’s good to have I think
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good morning~ <333
#hehe more of the same#we're basically moving forward one section of the quest per day at this point#unless i get like good motivation to keep going (or it's a short section i suppose)#but at least progress is progress#though i should check the event runtimes so i don't miss out on them while I'm focusing on the main quest#other than that#i'll probably just take it easy#if i can write; cool#if not; i'm not gonna stress about it#anyways#i hope today/tonight is kind to you <3333#morning rambles
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RED OCTOBERRRRR LETS GOOOO 💪💪💪💪
#MY PHILLIES! MY GUYS! MY DUDES! i feel like a proud mom#truly being a sports fan is like a part time job#i literally have work all day today but then i will come home and watch and hope that the boys get to clinch the division 🤞#being a philly sports fan is a wild experience truly#the low of lows and the high and highs all in one season fr 😀😀😀😀😀 likeee LMAO BYE#ANYWAYYYY#i am hoping that we get to clinch tonight#until then :)#have a good day friends!#philadelphia phillies#(these are my favorite things ever btw)
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my genderrrr uaghhhhh!!!!!!!!! desire to present more butch!!!!! my hair needs 2 be even SHORTER!!!! jorts!!! jewelry!!!! masc clothing!!! it’s like I have this version of myself in my head that I reallllly want 2 be and it feels *almost* attainable, but right now, I feel stuck :/
#my gender identity 🤝 my lesbianism#my gender is lesbian but also unlabeled but also fluid but also I don’t have one but also Girl but also I dont want to explain. hope this h#there’s also the issue of Not Being Out to Family™️ which makes everything 10x harder LOL#I just wanna be able to look the way I feel but I feel like I’m only good at it when I’m feeling femme (which isn’t very often)#any moots that relate 😁#idk I was feeling off today. I don’t even discuss my gender all that often irl#I could def ramble for longer but I think I’m done for tonight. might delete in the morning#vent?#lesbian#gender identity#queer#snoopy-sapphic rambling
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God I don't wanna go to therapy tomorrow. Sick of talking about my feelings in a clinical setting. I do enough psychoanalysis just by myself, and now I gotta sit through it with someone else??? Come on.
#speculation nation#i say as if i didnt submit myself to this and am not willingly paying for this to continue#idfk man ive always hated therapy. just kinda kept it going bcus i was so messed up about the whole grief shit#and i guess it's been maybe helpful. i dont know.#SHOULD i mention this tomorrow? i already know it's ass and entirely undeserved#if i did it'd mostly be another source to complain about it. theres really nothing anyone can say to make it better#bc it's bullshit and it already happened. and i already have the objective proof of yet another person losing interest in me.#... i dont know. i feel like it's inevitably going to come up. it's already taken up so much of my thoughts.#my every dream last night stemmed from it all. it was such a fitful night of sleep.#i can only pray that i dont dream about it tonight too. i want a fucking break from it all.#i hope she loses sleep from guilt. i hope she hurts every time she remembers what she did to me.#i hope she comes around tomorrow so she can see the face she kissed and she lied about loving#so she can remember im a person with feelings too. a person who opened up to her. a person who trusted her.#............ okay maybe i should talk about my blatantly vicious retaliatory remarks with my therapist.#i tried to reign it in but Bitch Mode definitely came out earlier today. when it was fresh. and i just wanted to make her Hurt.#i still want that honestly. i want her to truly regret doing this. to be filled with so much guilt for how she chose to do it.#i cant change her feelings. no matter how much i might want to. but i sure as hell can make her regret it.#i feel like im allowed a bit of petty bitchiness after this bullshit. but i also dont like the person i become like this.#anger issues. perhaps i should talk about my anger issues with my therapist.#easier than just rehashing the whole breakup. though i'll probably have to do that some too.#but better to have a goal for it. a direction to focus on. so that it's not just me complaining.#... it still wont be fun. and my ex mentioned coming round an hour after my therapy ends for dropping the shit off.#so Assuming she actually shows up (still not convinced she will after she flaked on me twice)#it's gonna be therapy and then seeing her right after. god it's gonna suck.#i'll try to do some homework maybe. and then maybe see if anyone wants to hang out later tomorrow.#my friends r the real ones. hanging out with me for 7 hours... they traded off between them but still#for 7 hours i was not alone. and that was very nice of them to do.#good things. positives! focusing on the positives. i am a healthy person with a healthy outlook on life. smiles.
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I am typically a very quiet person (in volume), so I forget that I can actually be Very Loud until I have to run a practice by myself.
#i was the Primary counter tonight and oh boy i am out of practice and breath my lungs hurt#i will tell you that those teenagers fucking listened though#i always forget that they are actually very scared of disappointing me too because i feel like such a background coach most of the time#and honestly it's the best they've done listening to me without the head coach there ever#one of them came up to me after today and was like 'oh my god i forgot how much i missed you running practices'#and i was like 'really? i felt like i was so mean to you guys today' and her answer was 'yeah but we deserved it'#they're good kids our first competition is on saturday and they are not going to look great but i hope they look decent#and then we have 2 months until the next one so we have more time to get our shit together#my coaching adventures#personal
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⚡️ got my lightning mcqueen crocs today and now i'll just be ka-chowing all over the shop ⚡️
#the only way you could buy them was through a random 'raffle' system and i lucked out!#i've also been using one of my best friends here as my personal mail box (with all the moving around coming up idk where to ship stuff so#she doesn't mind bringing packages to me at work lmao also it's not a ton of stuff just an occasional impulse buy 😂)#BUT she brought them to me today and MAAAAN they're good#they light up!!! more light up shoes for adults please!#my inner child is doing great today tbh 🥰#hope you're all having great weeks! ❤️#i'll be dogsitting from tonight until tuesday so i'll actually be a bit more available on mobile / discord and stuff!#if anyone wants to chat or plot or write! i'll actually be enjoying like 6 days of alone-time with a doggy and quiet away from the office#and the moving chaos at home rn#*blows you all kisses*#00. // OUT OF AMMO ( OOC POST. )
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someone said this is the best i've ever looked/the best they've ever seen me and i got compliments about how i look and stuff and ahslfljfskkl at first i was like oh ya people always think you look your best when you've been sick but actually it's 'cause i showed up more comf in how im presenting like yesterday i felt v fem and today im goin in masc and hoping to lure a gf
#🍊.txt#this one old gay guy is on today and when he sees me he always tells me i look gorgeous and that ive been looking so fucking good so im#hoping he'll hype me tonight lmfao#no one knows my name is max but i do and it has Helped
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