#i just couldnt get the image of the families waking up to find the kids have abandoned their lives and ran out of my head

[luvhughes43]

bear goes on a trip | dad!quinn hughes x reader

luvhughes43 masterlist🌷

summary: quinn takes his daughters bear with him on a roadie and sends you pictures to update your daughter🫶

word count: 0.8k

Your daughter was gifted Bear when she was only two years old. He was gifted to the young girl by Ellen Hughes when she came to visit the small family for one of her sons' games. Bear was a small canucks teddy bear, and since he was first received the little girl had added a whole wardrobe to her collection. She has little jerseys to represent all of her uncles teams, and she had little sweaters too. Bear meant everything to your little girl, which is why you were a little surprised when the young girl, who was now four years old, came running into your room holding a small kids purse in one hand and Bear in the other.

“Daddy, will you take Bear with you?” the little girl asked as she placed her bear and the little purse on yours and Quinn’s bed. 

“Of course I can baby,” came Quinn’s smooth reply as he placed another one of his shirts into his open suitcase. “But aren’t you going to miss Bear if he comes with me?” Quinn questioned, looking up from his suitcase to properly look at his little girl. She looked a little apprehensive about giving her most prized possession over and into her fathers watch, but she shook her head nonetheless. 

“No, it's for you! keep you safe” your daughter responded, bounding into Quinn’s arms. He wrapped his arms around his daughter and swayed her slowly back and forth.

Quinn always had to leave for the airport when your girl was going to bed, so he’d always make sure to tuck her and Bear into bed. He’d tell her that Bear would keep her safe while he was away, and that anytime she was missing her daddy she could just squeeze Bear and she would know that he was thinking of her. 

“Well, thank you for letting me take Bear with me” Quinn spoke up again, pulling out of the hug so he could look at his daughter.

Your daughter ran right over to your bed, now suddenly excited that Bear was going to go on a roadie with Quinn. “Look daddy! I packed Bear a suitcase just like you!” she smiled, grabbing the small purse and opening to show you and Quinn all of Bears clothes and accessories that he’d need on the week long road trip. You smiled at your daughter, “that's perfect baby, Bears gonna have a great time!” 

That night Quinn left for his trip, and you were surprised to find that he had sent you a few pictures in the morning.

quinny💙: Can you show this to our girl when she wakes up?

You hearted one message

quinny💙: sent 3 images

quinny💙: Bear had a great time at the airport and he loved the plane ride! He wasn’t scared at all!

You couldn't help the smile that made its way onto your face upon seeing the photos Quinn sent. You loved him so much, and to see him be an amazing father… it made you feel a whole new type of love. 

“Baby come look what daddy sent you!” you called out to your daughter who came running out of her room in excitement.

“What?!” she said, showing of her gummy smile as she couldnt contain her laughter.

You showed her the pictures, and she was beyond happy.

“Mommy!! Mommy look! Daddy took Bear on the plane!” she giggled, with the widest smile plastered onto her face.

“I know and look! Bear was with Daddy going through the airport too!” you exclaimed, swiping so she could look through the photos again. 

Soon enough it was your daughter's bedtime, and Quinn was sending you more pictures.

quinny💙: sent 2 images

quinny💙: Bear is getting ready to go to bed! He loves and misses you sooo much!💙

You showed your daughter the photos as she was getting ready for bed. “Bears going to bed too!” she squealed while looking at the photos. 

“Yes he's going to bed just like you!” 

“And daddy tucked him in!” she screamed with joy, jumping up and down to show her happiness. 

The next morning came more photos from Quinn.

quinny💙: sent 1 photo

quinny💙: Bears all ready for morning practice!💙

Throughout the week that Quinn was gone, he kept sending more photos and little updates with Bear. Every time your daughter saw an update she would get so excited, demanding to call her dad to talk to him.

When Quinn finally got back home from his roadie, he gave your daughter the biggest hug. She dragged him into her room and she cuddled bear while Quinn told her all of the adventures him and bear went on together. You left them to it, and when you returned an hour later the two of them were fast asleep in a heap of blankets and pillows on the floor. Your heart swelled, and you couldn’t believe just how much you loved these two.

[redrobin-detective]

exile

Maddie Fenton woke up on the worst day of her life with a headache. That wasn’t at all unusual, Jack’s snoring could be grating even when asleep. Combined with too many late nights in the lab, too much coffee and just general stress about her work and her kids... it seemed Maddie woke up with a headache more often then not. Jack was the early riser of the two of them so he was already awake and likely starting work in the lab. He’d knock on the kids’ doors to get them up but Danny always needed a special touch, or an aggressive shove, to get up. 

Maddie got up and dressed and made her way downstairs, Jazz’s room was cracked and she heard her daughter bustling inside. Danny’s was still shut tight. She knocked forcefully on the door. “Danny honey, it’s 6:30, you need to start getting ready for school.” She got no answer but she didn’t always get one. She had a feeling it was going to be one of those mornings. Setting downstairs, she’d just started the coffee machine when the phone rang.

“Now who is calling at this hour?” Maddie asked herself, picking up the phone. “FentonWorks, this is Maddie Fen-”

“You tell my daughter to come home right this instant!” Pam Manson’s shrill voice came over the phone. Maddie winced and pulled the phone back from her ear. “And you tell her she can kiss that horrible death metal whatever concert she was going to on Saturday goodbye! I will not have my young, impressionable daughter thinking she can tramp around god knows where-”

“Pam, slow down,” Maddie interrupted, irate as always when dealing with the woman. “Sam isn’t here, I didn’t see her at all yesterday or today.” Or Danny, Maddie thought privately with a frown. Pamela’s fury and frustration was understandable in a way. Maddie also had no idea what her own child was up to most days. 

“She’s not there?” Pam said quietly after a few moments of silence. “Are you sure?” She added a bit more frantically. “Because she’s not in her bedroom and her bed looks like she never slept in it. She’s not answering her phone but she sometimes doesn’t when she’s sees it’s-” Pam took a deep steadying breath. “Can you check and make certain she’s not there? I’m going to call Angela.” Pam hung up suddenly and Maddie pulled back and looked at the phone, biting her lip with nerves. The coffee maker screeching to life behind her startled her so much that she jumped.

“Goodness,” She said, setting the phone down and thinking. She was certain she hadn’t seen Sam. The last time she’d seen her son’s friend was the day before last when she and Tucker had dragged a very exhausted, bruised up Danny home. Took a fall down the stairs, they’d said, not explaining why their clothes were worn and hands scratched up. Frowning, she wandered to the top of the lab steps. “Jack, you haven’t seen Sam around, have you? Danny’s friend?”

“Sam?” She heard Jack shout back, he poked his head around the corner. “No, did she stay the night? By the way, did you move some of the weapons. I can’t seem to find a few of them...” 

“Jack that’s not important right now, Pamela doesn’t know where she is,” Maddie said sharply. She felt a little bad watching as Jack’s face become pensive but she was too anxious herself to apologize. She turned and walked towards the upstairs steps. “I’m going to ask Danny.” 

She can’t deny that a subtle little thrill went through her when she got onto the second floor landing and saw Danny’s door open. The sink was running in the bathroom and she knocked heartily on the door. “Daniel Fenton, Mrs. Manson can’t find her daughter and if I find you had her over without telling anyone you are going to be in so much-” 

The door opened revealing Jazz with her eyes wide and a toothbrush sticking out of her mouth. “Waz goin on?” she asked around the brush. She took out the brush and spit out into the sink. “I poked my head into Danny’s room to wake him up but he wasn’t in there.” Her eyebrows furrowed, “they can’t find Sam?”

Feeling lightheaded, Maddie walked down the hall to Danny’s room to find no one there. She can’t put her finger on why but it didn’t just feel empty but vacant. Danny’s clothes weren’t on the floor, his desk was practically clear for the first time since they bought it. His bed was made just as she’d done it the morning before when she’d rousted her son. Distantly, she heard the phone ringing again but Maddie couldn’t bring herself to leave the deserted room. 

Danny had several photos on his wall and desk, she couldn’t help but notice that two were missing. A framed photo of the entire Fenton family they’d taken last year for New Years and a particularly nice shot of Danny with his friends Jazz had snapped. They say in a crime scene, something is always taken and left behind. But why... The sound of footsteps approached her rapidly from behind.

“Mom,” Jazz with a small fearful little tone. She was holding the house phone in one hand and her cell in the other, Danny’s contact information open on her screen. It was just ringing through. “It’s Mrs. Manson, not only is Sam not at Tucker’s but... the Foleys can’t find him either. I... I told them we don’t know where Danny is at the moment. I’m trying to call but its just ringing and ringing...”

“Jasmine, calm down,” Maddie said, taking the phone away from her. “Keep trying his cell and go get your father. Pam, are you still there?” Maddie said speaking into the phone. She was met with tears on the other end.

“Where are they? How could this happen? Sammy... she has a sizable trust and could be a target for ransom but your boy and Tucker? It doesn’t make sense.” Pamela paused to take a few loud, sobbing breaths that pounded at Maddie’s headache like a jackhammer. “Unless they ran away but why? Samantha’s always been spirited but nothing like this... God, I need to call the police, we’ll be in touch.” She clicked off without another word.

“-swer your phone, please little brother. Please, I know. Know-know, I was waiting for you to come to me but now we can’t find you, Sam or Tucker and everyone’s freaking out and we just need to know that you’re all okay.” She heard Jazz speak quickly into her cell, curling in on it like she used to do with her old stuffed animals. Jack’s hands gripping her shoulders from behind, taking in the abandoned room just like she’d been.

“Mads,” Jack whispered, “where’d he go?”

Maddie would ask herself that same question in the coming days, weeks, months and years that would pass. Over the course of front page headlines and tv spots begging for information. When they found a large amount had been transferred out of Sam’s trust, when Tucker’s phone and computer was found broken in two near the dump by the interstate, when their weapons catalogue came up short. As more time passed, it became increasingly obviously the kids not only had left of their own volition but it had been a calculated, planned affair. 

Maddie would lie awake late into the night and wonder where it all went wrong? What had she, or any of the grieving parents, done to warrant their children to up and leave in the middle of the night. Something had happened, something that had been under their noses, something they’d missed. And they were now paying for it.

Back in the present moment, with her husband’s warm hands on her shoulders, her daughter’s increasingly more frantic voice talking into Danny’s phone that just kept ringing and her headache pounding worse than ever, all she could do was moan. “I don’t know, they’re just gone.”

The worst day of her life was just getting started and was going to continue for a long, long while.

[reineyday]

some feelings abt touya and bnha 302 in general! (long post)

jesus this whooooole chapter makes me so so so sad for touya, like he's canonically a crier and i just have all these images now of him crying off to the side while enji looks at his other kids and gives them the time of day. knowing that he was/is a frustrated crier makes the fact that dabi cant cry cuz of his burned tear ducts that much sadder ohhman

one of the things i cant get over is how touya was SO shunned by his dad that when he went to go tell enji about his fire turning from red to blue, he says "i might be as awesome as shouto sooner or later!" like?? this boy is 13 and shouto is 5 yet he's talking like the brother that's eight years younger than him is better than him and thar it's just a fact. the sky is blue, enji wants to beat all might one day, and shouto is better than the rest of his siblings. nevermind that he's only five and just wants to play with his siblings (and dont even mention to me how shouto says he wants to play with "touya and them" cuz im gonna fucking cry abt it. like even though touya's accepted he's bottom of the ladder in this family, shouto clearly wants some sort of acknowledgement from his older siblings and especially his older brother. IM FVCKN SOBBN). enji has made it clear in this family that shouto was what he was looking for and everyone else is not as important, and i knew this from shouto's pov but it's kinda wild to see it implied so casually in touya's words.

"you'll be glad you created me! i just know it!" HOLY SHIT. god my heart. oh my fuck. literally all enji had to do was show up to the fucking mountain, and he couldnt even do that? what the hell?? your son asks you to go to the mountain, you tell your wife not to let him go traim but she said she couldnt stop him, and instead of going yourself to make sure he's okay and BECAUSE HE ASKED YOU TO COME (and with an actually valid reason, no less! fire changing colour is kind of a big fucking deal!!!) you just?? let him go and let him stay there??? my god the amount of times touya must have burned himself and the trees with tears in his eyes. ahhhHHH!!!

what kills me (and touya too soon?) was that we thought before the back story started that enji forced touya to train till he burned up. then when 290 came out--and definitely after 301--we thought maybe touya overtrained himself and burned up. and sure, he was definitely overtraining, but to find out that the burns that "killed" him started just bc he was crying so much he lost control and didnt know how to ease up on his flames? he was upset and literally trying to get himself to stop crying, and then he just set himself aflame and burned up cuz of all his emotions??? that HURTS. holy fuck.

i cant believe natsuo's feeling lowkey guilty for not socking enji in the face like he wasnt EIGHT???? and let's be real, enji woukdnt have fucking listened to natsuo telling him to talk to touya--he already wasnt listening when touya would straight up say "look at me" and when even rei said touya just wanted enji to look at him and notice him. listen, i know sometimes miscommunications happen in families and children are embarrassed to admit they want attention and so their parents remain unaware that theyre not giving their kid something they want, but touya was as clear as can be on MANY occasions, and even rei agreed touya needed the attention and enji just wasnt listening.

also i know there was discourse abt touya being sexist by telling natsu that "the women in this house are good for nothing" and mb it was partly diff translations cuz i feel like saying "this house" makes it specific to rei and yumi instead of all women everywhere, but even disregarding that--i think it's a valid thought for him to have when rei wasnt standing up for him (where he could see, at least) and yumi admitted herself that she was too scared to interfere and so just tried to fix things and keep appearances. i feel like based on what touya's seen from them, it makes sense that he has that opinion. (also gonna mention that i think rei's and yumi's choices also make sense and i think they were valid, seeing as how they were afraid as well.)

and poor natsu being woken up in the middle of the night (what was implied to be often enough, esp cuz it seemed they share a room and their futons are close) bc of touya's pain. that's a lot of emotional responsibility for an eight year old, and it is also so sad that at 13, touya didnt have anyone else to turn to but his kid brother. at 13, i remember being fully aware of the distinction in maturity between an 8 year old and myself, and it sucks that touya couldnt go to anyone but a younger child with all his pain. i bet yumi being too scared to interfere translated to touya as "she wouldnt help me" and thats another reason he didnt go to the 2nd oldest when he needed to vent. (also not related to this but how the FUCK was natsuo so tall at 8 years old? wh a t)

this chapter. this fucking chapter. my heart aches for touya, and it's just such a huge fucking shame he didnt get the attention and validation and support he needed. there must have been workarounds so that touya could safely use his quirk. there weere DEFINITELY better ways to support your son through a self-destructive quirk, ways that involved actually being there and seeing him. i feel like if someone showed him the attention he needed and talked him through how to better control his emotions (and by extension, his flames) and a positive and healthy way, he could have been someone so great. and if he ever learned how to set aside the way he felt infefior to shouto and saw that shouto just wanted to play with his cool older siblings, it might have been really beneficial to see that there was someone there who thinks he's cool and gave him attention just bc he was an older brother, who needed him when everyone else in the househild didnt seem to need him.

and lastly, the fact that the chapter ends with rei saying that shouto is the family hero and that shouto will have to face dabi?? and it makes me angry that shouto has to take on that responsibility. that he was five and suffering for things he wasnt even a part of, couldnt be properly aware of, bc he was so young. he just saw that he was separated from his siblings and that his dad bullied his mom, then grew up shouldering enji's heavy goals and high expectations and abusive training alongside the barely-there memories of his older brother who died (i say barely there bc if natsu didnt even know shouto liked cold soba, shouto was definitely not around enough to have solid memories of touya before he "died"), and now he has to do the emotional labour of fighting his villain brother (who i bet shouto lowkey empathizes with when he thinks abt it late at night) as well as suffer the physical consequences of that agni kai. and it makes me angry that he has to do that, bc he's a Good Guy and he probably feels he has some sort of filial and familial responsibility. he's only 16. he just wanted to play with touya and them, and now he has to deal with this horse shit dabi's causing cuz his dad's an emotionally neglecting asshat who couldnt see past his dumb fucking ego until he saw shouto play with a bunch of kids during shou's remedial exam a decade after his eldest son burned himself to death. what the fuckety fuck.

lastly, since we saw touya burn uo the way he did... did he really just like... burn so much his jaw fell off, and that's how they found the jawbone? cuz holy hot (BURNING too soon???) damn that must have been painful as all hell. i wonder if next chapter we get to see if someone found touya at the park and helped him out and sorted out the jaw bone thing, or if we finally get to see if deku wakes up lol.

anyways this chapter hurt my heart big time, and i kinda wanna draw kid touya crying while being overlooked by his family to let out some of those feelings but we'll see.

and i still stand by my idealistic and naively optimistic hope that dabi gets redeemed and they soend some actually time together as a family (without enji. or at least, with an enji that has apologized to touya in seiza. like, forehead-to-floor apologize.)

does this hope sort out how dabi redeems himself, seeing as how he's murdered people in cold blood and shouldnt be excused for that bc those actions are also inarguably terrible? no. not sure how he could redeem himself for that kinda stuff honestly, but it doesnt mean i dont still somehow want the todoroki sibs to get along, cuz im weak for mending families.

also id like to send a huge kudos out into the world to rei todoroki for being firm for once and for also not running away from her mistakes like her asshole husband has been. i really admire and respect that. she was afraid and being abused, but now that she's been away from enji and has had time to heal, now that her and shouto are in the mend and she's seen that her eldest son is alive and a villain, she's a place where she can acknowledge that even though she was a victim too, she played a part in touya's emotional neglect and she's taking responsibility and that speaks to some incredible fucking strength. damn.

i hope one day that dabi realizes the same in regards to his mother and natsuo, who shouldered a lot of his emotional pain and suffered the consequences of his outbursts (even though his emotions are valid and his outbursts understandable, he still hurt rei and put a lot of pressure on natsu), and i also hope he sees that for all that he hates his father, his whole existence revolves around enji and it's a shitty place to be (and then he'll have ANGST abt it and that shit will be!! so good!!!)

yeah i think those were all my feelings. i had so many lol. their family situation is so difficult, i hope they all turn out okay and alive and healing.

oh i guess i also wanted to say that i kept calling enji an asshat and asshole cuz he was for sure, but i still think his redemption is valid and im glad he's taking those steps to be a better person by being a better father. i dont know if id want his family to forgive him for all that horrible shit he put them through (im personally hoping that no matter what anyone else does, natsuo will choose to to cooperate in the healing of his family as a unit but will never forgive enji) but i think it's good of people to try to be better than they were yesterday regardless of whether or not they get forgiveness. i dont personally like enji, but i dont hate that he's getting a redemption. i just hope it's a redemption that makes sense and forces him to put in the work, and isnt something like a death sacrifice for shouto or dabi. i want him to be alive and i want his redemption process to hurt like a fucking bitch while he forces himself to make better choices and be a better person, cuz redemption isnt supposed to be easy in the slightest. i GUESS all the crying he did in 302 was a good start.

anyways, if for some reason you read all the way down to the bottom--hello! and thanks for reading haha. cheers! :)))

[buginabog]

Am I Dreaming Or Dead?

Summary: ...sanders sides fantasy story. Purely self indulgent.

Pairing: royality, loceit, remile

Warning: death mention, sympathetic deceit, body horror (kinda)

-

People told you to never go into the woods.

People said those who went in never came back.

People said that monsters and ghosts roamed and that demons rose up from the pit.

So of COURSE Roman was going to explore.

"Roman? What are you doing?" Came a concerned call from behind him.

Roman groaned and turned to his twin brother, "I'm exploring the woods. Duh."

Logan raised an eyebrow, "the woods that no one has ever come back from?"

Roman laughed, "I didn't know you believed the tales Lo!"

Logan huffed, "I dont. But that doesn't change that those woods in particular are infested with dangerous creatures that will kill you."

"Added bonus then."

Logan groaned, "I swear, you'll give me a heart attack, you overdramatic, ridiculous, idiotic man."

Roman grinned, "I'm just going in for a few minutes, I'll only go a few feet. I promise."

Logan sighed, "fine."

Roman smiled and stepped inside the trees. He walked through the woods, his feet crunching on the pine straws carpeting the ground. He looked around, expecting to feel different, and sighed when nothing happened. He turned to his brother, "you were right Lo!" He turned around, "theres nothing he-" he broke off.

The thing that had caused his voice to stop dead in his throat was a small, floating blue thing. Unintelligible whispers came from it. Roman took a step toward it, sure that if he got closer it would tell him its secrets.

"Roman? Come on, let's go home!" Logans voice broke Roman out of his stupor. The wisp vanished.

"Oh... yeah! Coming!" Roman's gaze lingered on where the wisp was, and he turned and ran out of the woods.

-

Later that night, Roman had a strange dream.

The wisp was there, and it led him deeper and deeper into the forest, where a smiling man, with a freckled face and blue eyes, smiled and extended his arms. As if to give Roman a hug. Something in his face reminded Roman of someone. But he couldnt quite remember...

Roman woke up, panting. He got dressed in a frenzy, grabbing a bag and some food, before rushing to the forest and running in, looking around desperately for the wisp. Almost crying when he didnt see it. Then it turned up, with it's strange, haunting whispers. "You..."

The wisp bounced up and down. "Where do you want to take me?"

The wisp whispered, barely loud enough for Roman to hear, "follow."

Roman nodded, "ok"

The wisp took off, Roman running after it, so focused on it, that he didnt realize the tree roots moving out of his way, the branches moving to form a hallway. He followed the wisp so far that the trees grew taller than most of the buildings in his town, to a little glade where you couldnt see a hint of air pollution. The stars so clear and beautiful.

The sound of sobbing brought Roman to the present, he looked around, and saw the man from his dream. "Hello?"

The mans head jerked up and around, "oh, child... who brought you here?"

Roman looked around, "a- a wisp, but... where?"

The man smiled sadly, "ah, the tricksters."

Roman frowned, "what do you mean, 'the tricksters'? Who are you?"

The man shook his head, "its unwise to use names in the forest. If you must refer to me, call me Morality. As for the tricksters, they led you here for the hunters."

Roman growled, "who are the hunters!?"

Morality frowned, "it will be sunrise soon, you must leave the forest before the sun appears. Or the hunters will find you." Roman looked around nervously, "do you know the way home?"

Roman shook his head, "I followed the wi- trickster, here."

Morality nodded, "I see. Well, be on your way."

Roman stared, dumbstruck, "...but, I don't know how to get home..."

Morality smiled, "all roads lead home child, although not all lead back."

Roman groaned and turned around, "helpful. Could you at least point me the right-" he turned around to see... no one, "way?"

Roman set off through the forest, trying to guess the way back. As the moon dipped closer to the horizon, his search grew more and more desperate. Finally, the sky turned blood red, and then blue.

A howl sounded in the distance, followed by the sound of wild laughter. Roman's heart pounded, and he ran. He ran anywhere, with no goal in mind. He just needed to get away from that haunting howl and the terrifying laughter.

A creaking sound followed him. The sound trees would make if they could run. The laughter came with it.

Roman fell.

He looked back to see a thorny vine twisted around his legs, growing closer and closer to his torso. He tried and tried to push the brambles off. The vines only grew faster.

Morality appeared in front of him, tears falling down his face, "I'm sorry child."

Roman sobbed in despair, struggling against his thorny bonds. He managed to choke out one word, "why?"

Morality sobbed harder, "I- I hoped you could save me..." he conjured an image in his palms, "if someone destroys this, you and I, and all the others, will be freed." In his palms was the image of a crystal in a flowered field.

Roman looked around, and saw a man that looked just like Morality wrapped in vines. He looked around, and saw so, so many other forms wrapped in vines.

"Victims of the woods." Morality said sadly. "People who ventured into the woods."

The vines reached Roman's eyes. The last thing he saw was regret on Morality's face.

-

Roman woke up in the clearing he met Morality in.

Morality was sitting in the clearing, sobbing again. "Morality? What's happening?"

Morality looked st him in terror, "what are you doing here? They never come back after the hunters get them..."

"They?"

"The other people the tricksters preyed upon... they all moved on to... whatevers next."

"But...I didnt?"

Morality frowned, "no. You didnt."

-

Ten Years Later

-

Virgil walked downstairs, yawning. He could smell his favorite for dinner. Pizza.

"Hey L, Dee."

Declan smiled, "hey edge lord."

"Hey snake face."

Declan laughed, "that's a new one!"

Virgil gave a little bow, "thank you. It took me a gruelling 3 seconds to come up with."

Logan frowned, "3 seconds doesnt sound very gruelling?"

Declan rested a hand on his husbands shoulder, "sarcasm, dear," he explained.

Logan opened his mouth in a silent "oh" and went back to eating his pizza.

Virgil grimaced at Declans pizza, "I will never understand how you eat that." He said, gesturing to the pineapple-covered monstrosity.

Declan raised an eyebrow in Virgil's direction, "says the man who eats pizza with ranch."

Virgil snickered and started to eat.

They ate in silence for a while, before Declan looked at Virgil and cleared his throat, "Virgil?"

Virgil looked up, "yeah?"

Declan chewed the piercings on his bottom lip for a minute before speaking, "well, I got a new job opportunity, and Logan has a family house in a town near it. And we..."

"Have to move." Logan finished brusquely, his expression and voice cold.

Virgil frowned, "okaaay. L, you ok? You kinda look like you're about to murder someone."

Logans hand curled into a fist on the table, "it's fine. Just... some bad memories from that place."

Virgil nodded slowly, "ok. Well, cool."

Declan smiled, "oh thank fuck."

-

Virgil looked out the window of the car as they pulled up to big house that was Logans old house. It looked grand but empty, like all the life had been sucked out of it years ago.

Declan pulled into the driveway, "well, we're here." He turned to look at Virgil, "you sure you're good?"

Virgil smiled and nodded, "I'm fine Dee-Dad."

Declan chuckled, "nooooooo. I thought you forgot that!"

Virgil grinned evily, "nope."

Declan laughed, "well, Logan'll be here tomorrow with the truck. But in the meantime, let's get settled. Ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

-

Two days later, most of the furniture was in the house, but there were still boxes everywhere. Virgil was overwhelmed by the clutter and decided to go exploring for a quiet spot to sit.

He had seen a forest on the edge of town when he and Dee drove in, so he decided to head there. He was nearing the edge when he heard a terrified voice cry out, "VIRGIL! NO!"

Virgil turned around to see Logan running toward him with a terrified look on his face, "L? What's up?"

Logan clutched his shoulders so hard it stung, "Virgil, you must promise me you will never, EVER, go into those woods. Do you understand?"

Virgil frowned, "L, wha-"

"PROMISE ME."

Virgil blinked. He couldnt remember a single time Logan had yelled at him. Not even when he ran away. "...I promise."

Logan sighed, "thank you. I apologize for my outburst but... just dont go into the forest."

Virgil nodded, and looked at the woods, trying to see what was so dangerous about them, when he saw a man standing there, looking, stricken, at Logan.

-

Roman looked at his brother, so grown up now. And the kid next to him, was that his son? ...He couldnt believe it. While he was frozen in time, everyone changed around him. He ran back to his clearing, eager to tell Morality what he had seen.

-

As Logan looked at Virgils faraway expression, terror gripped him. That same expression had been on Roman's face the day before... no. He couldnt think of that now. He had a son who needed him, and he was never, ever gonna let the forest take someone from him again.

-

Ten Years Ago

-

Logan yawned as he walked downstairs. "Logan, would you be a dear and wake your brother?" His mom called from the kitchen.

"Yeah. Sure." He walked back up and knocked on Roman's door, "hey dork. Wake up."

He frowned when there was no dramatic answer or offended gasp, and opened the door himself.

The window was open, curtains blowing in the wind. A note laid on the pillow.

'I saw something in the woods. And I had a weird dream. I think it's a sign. If I'm not back in the morning... well, I think you can know what happened. I love you bro. Love, Roman.'

Logan gasped in horror and ran downstairs clutching the note, "MOM, DAD!"

An hour later, he sat on the couch bei ng comforted by his boyfriend as his Dad frantically called everyone in town.

No one had seen Roman.

All Logan could say was, "my fault."

-

Ten Years Later

-

Virgil paced around his room. Who was the man in the forest? Why was Logan so scared of it? Why did the man look like he knew Logan? The man in the woods looked just like Logan, why? Virgil frowned when an idea came into his head.

He tiptoed downstairs into the living room, and a light switched on.

Logan sat there, dark circles under his eyes and his hair messier than Virgil had ever seen it. "Virgil? Where are you going?"

Virgil frowned, "you look like shit."

Logan sighed, "I know I just... had to make sure you wouldn't sneak out to the forest."

Virgil frowned, "trust me dad, I'm not."

Logan sighed in relief and leaned back, "ok. What do you need?"

Virgil looked at the small bookshelf full of photo albums, "did you have a twin brother?"

Logan froze, "Did Declan tell you?"

Virgil shook his head, "no, no, just... in the woods, I saw a man that looked like you."

Logan gasped and stood up. As he paced he muttered under his breath, "no... that's not possible... it's been ten years... he would've come back if he was alive..."

"Wait, what do you mean, 'if he was alive'?"

Logan looked at Virgil, "take me to where you saw him."

Virgil frowned, "but you sai-"

"Virgil." Logan looked to his son with tears in his eyes, "please..."

Virgil gasped, Logan NEVER cried, "yeah... yeah ok dad."

Logan nodded and walked out towards the car.

-

Logan pulled up next to the woods, where Virgil had seen the man, Roman, Logan told him.

Logan ran to the edge, never stepping past the tree line, calling Roman's name. Virgil ran after him, making sure his dad never strayed too close.

Hours after they started their search, Roman appeared. Logan glared at the sadly smiling man, and started to yell. "You... you... you IDIOT! Do you have ANY idea how much I grieved for you! Do you have any idea how you affected ALL of us? The LEAST you could've done was SHOW UP at the house but NOOOOO! Roman Sanders needs to be DRAMATIC! I thought you were DEAD!"

Roman just looked at him.

Logan broke down sobbing, "SAY something goddamnit! SAY SOMETHING TO ME COWARD!"

Roman opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

Logan frowned at him, "Roman what-?"

Roman stuck his tounge out, but it was brown and... sharp? Then Virgil realized... it wasnt his tounge.

It was a thorny vine, growing out of Roman's mouth... longer and longer until it reached the ground. Then Virgil blinked, and it was gone. Along with Roman himself.

"Dad? ...what was that?"

Logan stared at the spot Roman had been.

"Dad?"

Virgil's terrified voice snapped Logan back to reality, "get to the car..."

Virgil turned and ran without another road, Logan close behind.

-

"Dad? Where are we going?"

Logan looked back at his son, "to see the craziest person in town. The one who knows the woods the best."

Virgil nodded, and was quiet for a while before asking, "what happened to uncle Roman?"

Logan sighed, "he was an idiot, and decided that he just HAD to explore the woods. I saw him, and I didnt stop him... he only went a few feet but... he saw something... and that night he snuck out-"

"So THATS why you were waiting in the living room!"

"...yes. But, he snuck out, and I never saw him again."

"Until tonight?"

"Yeah. Until tonight."

-

Logan pulled into a house with a lawn overgrown with weird smelling plants and trees. The roof looked on the verge of collapse and the garage had fallen in on itself.

"Logan? It looks like no one lives here."

Logan shook his head, "no... he just never cleans up the outside."

Logan walked up and knocked on the door, "Picani?"

The door creaked open slowly. Virgil held his breath, expecting to see a haggard old witch.

He did not expect the beaming man who jumped at Logan to hug him. "Logi!"

Logan smiled, "Hey Emile, hows Remy?"

Emile grinned, "oh he's wonderful! Hes actually inside with Kai right now!"

Logan frowned, "Kai?"

"Our son!"

Logan gasped and smiled, "oh my god, Emile! That's wonderful!"

Virgil frowned, "I thought we were going to see the craziest person in town?"

Logan laughed, "oh yeah! Virgil, this is Dee's brother, your uncle Emile!"

Emile held out his hand, "hey there!" He frowned at Logan as he shook Virgils hand, "'craziest person in town'?"

Logan looked sheepish, "welllll-"

Emile rolled his eyes, "Remy's not crazy. Logan just thinks so because he's seen the things in the forest."

Logan became serious very quickly, "ah, speaking of, I need to speak to him."

Emile frowned, "Logi? What happened?"

Logans eyes started tearing up again, "I- I saw Roman... in the woods."

Emile frowned, "yeah, ok."

He turned and beckoned them in. Virgil followed Logan as they walked in.

-

Emile walked into the kitchen, where a man wearing sunglasses inside for some reason was trying to get a toddler to go to bed.

"Kai hon, please go to bed? You're gonna be tired and cranky tomorrow."

"But I wanna stay awake up with you and Papa!"

"I know you do sweetheart but I'm gonna go to bed soon sweetie."

Kai pouted and started tugging on his dads onesie "Daaaaaaaad!"

Emile laughed and scooped Kai up, "hes not going to bed then?"

Remy sighed and kissed his husband, "no. No he is not." He poked Kai in the stomach, "the little troublebug!"

Kai squealed, "Dad! Noooooo!"

Remy laughed, but his face quieted when he saw Logans tear-streaked face, "...Lo?"

Kai gasped, "Is that uncle Logan?"

Emile bounce Kai up and down, "why dont you join Ellie upstairs ok sweetheart?"

"Whys uncle Logan here?"

"He has to talk to Dad about something."

"Can I hear?"

"No sweetie, go join your sib upstairs."

"I-" Kai stopped talking to yawn, "I dont wanna, I'm not sleepy yet!"

"But Elliott wants you to say goodnight to them!"

Kai gasped, "can I sleep in Ellies bed?"

Emile smiled, "sure thing! Let's go ok?"

Kai nodded, smiling, "ok Papa!"

As they left Remy huffed in exasperation, "I spend thirty minutes trying to get that kid in bed and Emile does it in what? Five minutes?"

Logan laughed, "tough life my friend."

Remy turned to Logan, "so. What do you need?"

Logan sighed, "look, Remy-"

"Nope. Why are you here."

"Remy."

"I dont want to hear it. Why are you here?"

"I saw Roman."

Remy froze, "...where?"

"In the woods."

"What happened?"

"I-I yelled at him, and, and then... thorns started... started growing out of his mouth."

"Thorns?"

"Like a thorny vine."

Remy turned to Virgil, "did the kid see it too?"

"...yes."

"Ok, leave."

"Remy-"

"Its not because I'm mad at you. Its because kids are easier to read. So, out."

Logan looked at Remy for a second, "ok." He turned to his son, "dont worry, Remys a good person. I'll be right outside if it gets to much ok?"

"Ok dad."

Remy put a hand on their sunglasses, "I'm gonna take these off, dont freak out when you see my eyes, k?"

"Ok."

Remy took off his sunglasses and his eyes...

His eyes were a kaleidoscope.

Virgil shrunk under those multicolored eyes, feeling as if they were sinking into every inch of him, reading all of his experiences, all of his thoughts... all of his feelings. "Stop... stop... STOP! DAD! DAD!"

Logan burst in and grabbed Virgils shoulders, "Virgil. Virgil honey I need you to look at my eyes."

"But... but the breathing... the breathing stuff."

"Virgil."

Virgil met Logans eyes and stared into their calming blue. And his breathing slowed and clamed.

Logan glared at Remy, "Remus Orion Somnus!"

Remys eyes widened, "shiiiiiit" he said under his breath.

"Didnt you WARN HIM?"

"I- I told him not to- not to freak out but- but I-"

"That doesnt COUNT! You have to tell them about how it feels dumbass!"

Remy sneered and sat up, "I wouldnt have to if you hadnt LOST Roman!"

Logans face stilled, "Virgil. We're leaving."

Virgil looked up at Logan, "but what about Roman?"

Logan stood up, pulling Virgil gently with him, "we'll... we'll get him back some other way."

Remy got up and stalked out, "like he'd want to see YOU."

Logan stormed out, tears streaming down his face.

-

(I ran out of room so I guess this is multichaptered now? Reply is you want more.)

[just-another-thursday]

The CatWoman - Paranormal

To this day… I dont know if she was a hallucination, sleep paralysis, or something else.

When I was 13 my mom and dad were going through relationship issues, teetering on a divorce. My mom ended up finding a boyfriend about 60 miles away and left to be with him for awhile. My siblings stayed with my dad. But I have been taking care of my mom most of my life and felt that I couldnt stop now… So I packed up and went with her.

It was this hick town south of us, we lived in a double wide with her boyfriend. The property itself was on the side of a hill. The front side of the hill had our trailer and his granmothers trailer across from each other. Another trailer and house further up the hill and up the road belonging to the land owners. There were ATV and truck trails leading to the top and other sides of the hill. It was a mix of forest and meadowland and was swimming in deer and wildlife.

We had to get permission from the landowner to explore the hill ahead of time, he always threatened to shoot trespassers and my mom didnt want her kid full of holes.

But getting to explore back there was both frightening and thrilling.

The nature was gorgeous! Growing up in the PNW I have always been a nature nut and spent a lot of time outdoors all over the state. My bio dad being a hunter and a woodman (we came from a family of loggers and miners on his side). And my moms side of the family was full of loggers and farm hands. Her dad, my grandpa, was born in the woods on the family property out in the boonies.

We are forest people.

Anyway, I loved being out there. I was in my element but, something felt off. Sometimes me mom and her boyfriend would sneak off for a smooch session or to look at something and I would be standing in a meadow alone…. And I could feel something, watching me. Not the feeling of a predatory animal, I’ve been stalked by cougars and coyotes before and know that feeling well. And not a person. Like, a mix of the two? And something else. Watching me from the brush or sides of the path.

Sometimes all sound would vanish from the area. I mean all sound. Nothing.

The deer up there would step right in front of you and stare. Their eyes eemed darker and more intelligent than any deer I had ever seen. They stared right into your eyes and watched you.

Despite the odd occurances, I was happy when I got time to frolic in the leaves and play with the plants and bugs. Nature was and to this day, is my happy place.

One day it was raining really hard and we couldnt go on the hill. The landowner had been restricting it more and more and I was getting bored and grumpy.

We went to visit the boyfriends grandmother across the way and my mom, the boyfriend, and the graqndmother chatted away happily while I satnon the floor bored out of my mind.

I was an accident prone child, always breaking myself or my surrounding so I had to just sit there and not touch anything. While my mother and the boyfriend raided the old ladies fridge she stored extra food in, I asked her if she ever saw any ghosts around here.

I liked the occasional spooky story and I knew my hometowns legends and stories. But I hadnt heard any about this place. The grandmother got very uncomfortable and kept mumbling and muttering in a way I couldnt understand her. When my mom got back in she told my mother, “You kid is overall a sweet child, but asks far too many rude questions!” The grandmother then turned to me and said, “Manners should be used around your elders!” before storming off. My mom glared at me while her boyfriend smiled sympathetically at me.

As we walked back home my mom asked what I was being rude about. I told her and she looked confused. Our family was always very open about death, the afterlife, and spirits.

Her face clouded though and she said I needed to mind my manners and keep nosey questions to myself. I think she wanted to keep on her boyfriends families good side.

It was weird to me that the old woman had reacted like that. But I shrugged it off.

A week later and I still wasnt allowed on the hill. The land owner had been very silent and we hadnt seen him or his truck much. I didnt know the area or people and assumed maybe they got more secluded during winter. Seasonal Affective disorder maybe? I had no idea.

I had been playing hookie from school pretending to be sick. My mom had spent the week partying. She and the boyfriend had spent a lot of time away from the trailer, And when they were gone, I couldnt sleep.

I wasnt scared or anything just like, everytime I tried to sleep something would make me jerk awake after a few minutes. So I had been awake for the better part of 4 days. My mom and her boyfriend tried to sneak into the house still high on whatever and hungover. They giggled their way to their bedroom and settled in. I knew theyd be crashing hard and that it was another night of week old spaghetti and sandwiches for dinner.

But since they were home I had a decent chance at sleep! I quickly ate some cold spaghetti and change into my pajamas, curling up in my bed.

Now the trailer was set up as such; the front of the trailer had big windows and a partial divider wall between the kitchen and living room which took up the front half of the place. The front door was off the the side of the living room.

Next was the wide hallway. On one side was the bathroom, washer and dryer next in the hall, then my room. Other side was a spare room the boyfriends kids would use when they visited and then his and my mothers room, they had their own bathroom as well in the bedroom.

So, from my room I could see most of the house. My bed was right in front of the bedroom door. I could look out and see the front of the house while laying on my right side, tucked into bed.

The bed itself was a hospital style bed. Metal and very old. The boyfriend said his mother had died in the bed. That made me 100% not wanna sleep in it. Not cause it was creepy perse, but it felt rude and also thed bed was uncomfortable as hell… But it was all we had so, I made due.

I curled up in bed, the house lit by street lights at the bottom of the hill and the stove light from the kitchen. I could feel my body relaxing and was very happy, thinking I could finally get some real sleep.

I was just barely getting drowsy when I hear I tapping sound from the kitchen. Like a tack had falling from the wall or something. I propped myself up on my elbow a bit and looked down the hall.

I stopped breathing for a second and my sweat turned cold and my skin got clammy. There was a woman standing in the kitchen. She was nude. But in the way a barbie doll can be nude. No real genitalia. Smooth. No nipples or body hair either. Her skin looked strange… like, dried out clay.

Her head though.. her head was larger than a human and it wasnt exactly human… It was seemlessly attached to her body, but look like a clay or paper mache mask. Big. She had large cat ears and a cat like face. But it looked sleek and minimalistic. The head reminded me of those stone statues of Bastet. Except her eyes were closed in a happy cat way. No fur or hair on the head.

Her hands looks normal, except the ends of her fingers looked like claws.

I stared for a few seconds. I was trying to convince myself this was a type of sleep paralysis or hallucination as I had dealt with both in the past. Both were usually managed by staying calm and walking away from the image or closing my eyes for a minute, they would always vanish if I did one of those. So, as much as I didnt wanna look away from her, I closed my eyes… When I opened then though, she was standing in the beginning of the hallway, closer now. I jumped, making the bed springs squeak. My hallucinations never ever did this… And my sleep paralysis was very easily managed by reminding myself to wake up fully or move around more. I felt my adrenaline spike and thought, “Well, if the looking away didnt work, maybe this adrenaline will.” I let the fear wash over me, welcoming is, hoping the increased heart rate and wakefulness would wash away this, whatever she was. But she stayed and then, she moved. Tilting her head very slightly, Like a curious dog. I saw her chest puff  out a bit as her head moved back up straight, not like she took a breath, but like she was posturing.

I swallowed my stomach and closed my eyes again and this time for good measure I turned my head to the foot of my bed, so when my eyes opened I was staring into my room. I glanced out the corner of my eye and didnt see her. So, I turned my head fully back to the hall. Still no sign of her. I started to shake a bit. Not knowing where she was was a bit concerning. But at the same time she was gone. And that proved she was just something my brain made to scare me. My pulse didnt have a chance to cool however because I saw a slight movement in the corner of my eye and flicked them over to the bathroom. She was there! Crouched on the floor inside the bathroom! Body hidden behind the bathroom wall, head peaking out ever so slightly, watching me.

I started to shake so violently I thought I was gonna shake myself over the edge of the bed. Right into her path. That helped me calm my nerves a bit… I didnt wanna end up closer to her.

I remembered what my mother and other family had said about ghosts and spirits. They said if I ignored them, I stole their power. If I didnt let them see me afraid, they would leave.

Summoning all my courage, praying to the ancestors, and in a final act of desperation I rolled over facing away from her and closed my eyes tight.

I was always told how independent I was. How strong and smart and capable. I was always self sufficient. I could handle my own brain and its games, right? And if, if it was a ghost… I could handle that too! Spirits have been around my family most of my life. This was just another challenge to overcome. I laid there for about 30 – 50 seconds in silence calming myself. Telling myself if I slept, I could ignore her and she would have to move on.

Then, a dragging sound. Feet across the thin warn carpet in the hallway.

“It’s just my mom” I told myself. But I hadnt heard the door to her room open…

Then something tapping the wall. Like nails on a countertop. One quick exhale of breath. I was mad at this thing for scaring me and mad at myself for not being able to make it leave. I was so scared. But in that moment, the anger and curiosity was stronger. I sat up and whipped my head to the bedroom door and there she was, in all her glory, looking right at me… My stress hallucinations and sleep paralysis were never ever this real real or solid. EVER.

One minute I was staring her full in the face. The next I was screaming at the top of my lungs, eyes shut tight. Screaming and screeching for my mother.

I heard her bedroom door fly open with such force it hit the wall and shook the house. She ran into my room and hugged me. Asking what was wrong. I opened my eyes and openly wept while clinging to my mom.

The catwoman was gone. Her boyfriend ran around the house turning on lights and looking for whatever made me scream. I saw over my mothers shoulder a shadow… Outside, walking up the hill to the woods. But it happened so fast and I was still reeling from the fear and my heart in my throat.

I clung to my mother and kept asking her if SHE was gone. Was she still here? Did my mom see her?

“Who?” my mom asked.

“The catwoman! She had a cat head!” I sobbed.

My mom smiled and patted my head, now convinced I had had a bad dream her boyfriend visably relaxed and stopped searching the house.

She tried to put me back to bed but I clung to her like ivy and begged her not to leave me.

She brought me into her and the boyfriends room, set up a pallet on the floor on her side of the bed, and left the bathroom light on for me. She also closed and locked the bedroom door just to make me feel safe. My mom and the boyfriend whispered back and forth to each other for awhile about plans for the week and grocery lists. Rocky horror played softly in the background on their TV and I fell asleep.

I woke the next day feeling better. When I explored the house, it felt safe. Back to normal. But I slept on the couch after that. I spent the next few days wondering... Is this why the grandmother got angry when i mentioned ghosts? (She wouldve been really mad if i told her i could “see” her dead husband sitting on their bed and hear him moving around in there...) Did this have something to do with the landowner hiding away? The strange animals and feeling at the top of the hill? The spots with no sound?

I wont ever know because less than a month later we ended up moving back home, my mom got pregnant with my baby sister, and things moved on.

Thankfully though, I never saw catwoman again.

[afewmarvelousthoughts]

Only For A Moment (Prologue 1)

“Hi darling muffin! As you already know, I think about OFAM a lot...like ALOT. And I have a question. Bucky was obviously trailing the reader for a while before he let himself be seen/known by her. What was he possibly thinking or feeling when he first saw her? What was going through his mind during that time before he revealed himself?”

I fucking love you. Have I made that clear recently?

So. Tumblr ate @wonderlandmind4 ’s asks to me like 3 fucking times. But it may be for the best because instead of just answering you normally I’m gonna write a little prequel fic instead.

Hope this answers your question babe!

Bucky stares blankly at the ceiling of his small apartment. He can hear the traffic outside and the families in the apartments around him far better than any normal person ever could. For hours he lets those sounds wash over him, ground him, distract him from the ghosts in his head.

This was the benefit of being here rather than the farmhouse he’d stayed in for a couple of months after getting to Romania, the noise. Growing up in Brooklyn quiet was a hot commodity. Some part of him remembers seeking it out on rooftops and nighttime beach treks. Solitude away from city sounds, his parent’s arguing, his sister’s pestering. Now… he’d give anything to be annoyed by his family’s noise.

Sighing he finally sits up, leaning against the wall. He hadn’t left here in four days. The nightmares had been so bad. Flashbacks, the psychology book he read called them. Dreams so real they seeped into reality, distorted things to the point that a person couldn’t tell what was real. He was exhausted, on edge, and truly beginning to wonder why the fuck he was even trying.

Absently his fingers wander to the journal laying by the bed. That was why. He knew it in his bones. He wasn’t going to let go until he got it all back, everything they took from him, and he couldn’t go before telling Steve he was so sorry… How could he have done that-

His right fist slams into the mattress, the springs groaning in protest. This wasn’t doing him any good, hiding out in here. Being in the city was stressful sometimes but he wasn’t about to fly off the handle… he needs the distraction.

The October day is bright, a little warm even. Blue skies with perfect puffy clouds floating languidly about. It was beautiful. The perfect day to go to a park. He’d been meaning to check out Cișmigiu Gardens, so he sets off in that direction.

It’s barely noon when he gets there and seeing that it’s Thursday, the park is fairly deserted. There are enough people to serve as the distraction he needs, plus the park is beautiful, some flowers still blooming and foliage still fairly green despite fall being here.

“Alice!” Bucky spins on his heel toward the sound of the woman. She’s a few yards away running after a giggling toddler who’s heading straight for the water.

He moves to chase down the kid but a boy bolts from his sunny spot on a bench, fast, very fast. Something about the way he moves gives Bucky pause.

The toddler has a head start on everyone and is just about to the water. One pudgy leg goes to take a step into the water and by some sheer force of luck, they fall back… somewhat unnaturally, as if they were pulled. But…

The boy snatches the baby up, who immediately starts to wail, their master plan thwarted. From his place, he can just hear the boy coo to comfort the child. He must be very young, voice still soft and feminine.

Panting the mother catches up. Thanking the young man profusely. As he hands the toddler to its mother Bucky see’s his face… except… he knows this face somehow.

Suddenly he can’t breathe but he can’t look away. Despite appearances, he knows this isn’t a young man. You’re a woman… it feels like someone’s digging an icepick into the front of his brain. He grits his teeth trying to focus.

Quickly he sits on a bench, diagonal and down a bit from the one you got up from, pulling a book from his bag to hide his gawking. Thankfully you’re not paying any attention at the moment. You head back to your sunlight drenched bench.

Fuzzy images flash through his mind. You look so different, he remembers thick hair, falling loose into your face. A face that’s crying, bloody, scared… of him? Of course of him… You look just past him, he freezes, but you don’t notice him before you lay back on the bench, eyes on the blue sky.

Could you really be Hydra…? Because surely that’s why he knows you. A Hydra trainee… someone he was supposed to break…

There’s something else there though. He knows it he just can’t touch it.

For hours Bucky watches you. Strangely you don’t do much but look at your phone from time to time, drink out of your large paper coffee cup, and stare at the passing clouds, or the water or the people. Much like him, you seem to fade into the background. No one paying you any mind at all. It makes his chest tighten just a bit... the melancholy that settles around you despite the beautiful day around you.

When you finally get up he can’t help it. He has to follow. In all this time he hasn’t seen one Hydra agent, not one face he recognizes. Bucharest should be safe, it wasn’t a hub for any of Hydra’s active bases, off the radar entirely… So why…

You slip into a store and exit with a bottle of whiskey, snacks, and cigarettes. From there he tails you to a rundown block just near Lake Floreasca. It’s the first time you seem to pay attention to your surroundings before you go into a dilapidated building and don’t exit again.

That night he dreams of hitting you… with his left fist. He remembers them briefing him, he was to go until you stayed down. They preferred he didn’t kill you, too valuable, too unique for some reason. All he saw was a woman, a target… But then… He wakes up drenched in sweat, his head feeling like it’s going to crack open.

Bucky spends the next eight days following you. He knows he shouldn’t. A part of him thinks you could be a threat, an agent sent here to flush him out, bring him in… his gut says something else… even though he doesn’t know exactly what that something else is.

What he does know is that an active agent or asset usually eats regularly, something you don’t do. They don’t go out for multiple coffees, chain smoke, and go through handles of liquor a day… No, his gut says you’re not an active agent at all… You look like someone who’s hurting and lost… just like him.

It’s stupid. He knows it’s stupid. If you are someone he hurt you won’t have any interest in speaking to him, why would you? But there’s that little nagging thing he can’t reach. Something different… Something special… He fucking hates that he can’t get to it. And it’s that little something paired with his crushing sense of loneliness that makes him finally decide to let you see him.

The day is bright again as he waits just down the way from what appears to be where you’re living. He doesn’t even register it though. His heart is thundering in his ears, breath ragged. 

There are so many things that can go wrong here. Not least of which being that you could lead them to him… he’d rather die than go back but… he needs this. And maybe, just maybe you do too. Though he can’t allow himself to hope that he could do something, anything good for someone else. Still... 

You’re eating breakfast, that’s good, he doesn’t think you ate at all the day before. While he doesn’t want to interrupt you the busy morning street is as good a place as any for him to get in your line of sight, to see if you even know him. Strategically he stands by a newsstand just down from the Starbucks you’re in front of and waits.

To anyone else, he’s just a man looking at the paper, but his eyes are glued to you. After a few minutes, you seem to sense that you’re being observed. Maybe you do have some self-preservation skills… He feels your eyes lock on him.

It happens quickly, so quickly that no one around you catches it. But it looks almost like your table and the items on it begin to float just slightly before settling, spilling your coffee. He takes the moment of distraction to disappear, his heart threatening to beat its way out of his chest.

You knew him… That much was clear. Now he just had to find out how you fit into his story… why you’re different… whatever came after, he was ready for.

@bluegirlusa1 @l0kisbitch @tazzi-baby @disagreetoagree @woodyandbuzz20-01 @mooniightbucky @saundrasays @breezy1415 @alyssaj23 @mywinterwolf @wonderlandmind4 @fairislesheets @anamcg317 @buckaroo-barnes @jazztherebel @peachthatdrinkslemonade @regulusirius  @auskitty @babyimp1967 @katecolleen @handplucked @piensa-bonito @darkdragonphoenix @issanitydead @thestorydetective @buckysstar @wintersoldierswhore @greyeyedsmile14 @watchoutforfrostbite @for-the-love-of-the-fandom @jewelofwinter @siriuslycloudy2 @hardygal69 @marvelousmeggi

[artistotel-archive]

i can finally introduce this guy i’ve been developing over the past few days!

long story short, @arrt-jim-lad practically bullied me into making a friend for this guy. also, shout out to jim for helping me so much with tero’s costume, and turning my rough idea into the real thing! ;V; <3

The Fear Hero: FEARSTRIKE

Real name: Tero Shiryoku

Quirk: Fear induction - he can induce fear in his opponent. From mild anxiety and uneasiness to full blown traumatic and phobic attacks, Fearstrike strikes fear in the hearts of his opponents. His quirk requires clear and direct eye contact, even if it’s for a split of second. The quirk has a very individual working - with some people it might invoke a sensation or a memory of a scary thing, or an image, or a sound, or a feeling of physical touch.

personality, backstory, trivia are under the cut!

Personality: For someone with such a villainous and scary quirk, Tero is actually a very timid and shy guy. He's kind hearted and meek, introverted, and you could say - a bit of a sad willow. He rarely strikes a converstation as he tends to be socially awkward since he's never had proper friends before UA. Loneliness made him quite independent and he feels no need to continuously try over and over to fit into a group. He longs for friends, but he knows it will acchieve nothing if they don't like him for who he is. He also tends to be distrustful because everyone becomes cold after they find out about his quirk. 

He is very slow to warm up and open to people because of bad past experiences, but once he does, he does it with full heart, and becomes a friend for life. He's loyal, but not under cost of being dishonest, and won't be scared to say things he means, no matter the consequences.

Even though he's quiet and non-argumentative, Tero has a tongue - snarky one at it. He won't fight with words, but he will say what he has to say and probably conclude the argument after it. He thinks his words through, and once he explains himself, he feels no need to do so further. He is prone to simply leaving or cutting his converstation partner short. He isn't expressive, so his tone tends to be deadpan and monotone.

His quirk has often been ruled by his emotions so Tero tries to stay calm and control his feelings. He tries to not get upset over things because he's terrified of snapping and hurting someone in rage. That's also why he's hurt people every time he's used it - it's always been because of his strong emotions. Because of this, he comes off distant and uninterested - but on positive side, he's chill and easy going, as he avoids getting upset over things. It all depends on how you go about him.

Behind such non-expressive face, however, hides an intelligent mind. Tero is both studious and a quick thinker, and while his commentary tends to be short, it's usually enough. Because of his quirk, Tero's become obsessed with psychology and philosophy - trying to figure out what causes fear and what kinds of fear there are. His interest spread to other emotions and the ways psyche works. Questions about moral, ethics, self worth, life, are what dragged him into philosophy.

History: Growing up with such a scary quirk was no easy task for Tero. His quirk manifested at bad time, when his mother looked into his eyes, and suffered a full phobic attack from her son. This made her resent Tero and avoid him. However, his father absolutely adores his misunderstood son, and has been the supportive pillar in Tero's life. His father is a well liked man in the street, so when he got stuck with such a son everyone pitied him behind his back - but he's never shown shame of his boy. Actually, quite the opposite: he always stressed how proud he is of Shiryoku. Tero's also accidentally hurt his older brother the same way he did his mom, so he's not on such good terms with him either.

Tero was abandoned and rejected his entire childhood. When he was a kid, in self defense, he made a bully suffer an extreme phobic attack which left the child traumatized for the rest of his life. Tero, having no idea how to control his quirk, became terrified of it and of himself and made a promise to never use it again. That's when he started wearing skii googles - to block eye contact with anyone.

This scandal obviously led to other children whispering behind Tero's back and making him an outcast, even other parents demanding for Tero to be kicked out the school or forbidding him from coming near their children. This made Tero break down, and that's when the desire to become a hero started sprouting in him: he wanted so badly to repent for his bad deeds and  wash that traumatized child off his hands by becoming a pro hero. He didn't feel angry at the other kids - he felt ashamed of himself.

He grew up in a quite poor and bad neighbour, in low class family. He hung out with some bad kids for a while because they seemed to accept his quirk - but after a while it became clear they wanted to use it for bad purposes. He quickly jetted out the clique and was left all alone again.

When he got into UA, he rose in the eyes of his community - he became pride of the street and was finally accepted by his neighbourhood. Grannies started telling him how proud they are and giving him treats when they'd see him. This made Tero insanely happy.

Fighting style: because of his promise to never use his quirk, which is not a physical one anyway, Tero built himself accordingly. He is speedy and versatile, with medium power.

He is a stealth type of fighter, a ninja boy, who jumps, spins, climbs, hides, and tries to keep out of close combat.

Hero persona: Fearstrike was built to be scary. He is dark ninja out of a horror movie which you see only a few times, before he sneaks up from your back. The outfit is mostly black, with eyes that pop out of darkness, making Tero look dismembered and non human. If he isn't ninjaing around, he moves slowly and creepily, in an inhuman way.

Fearstrike never speaks, outside of occassional weird sounds. He has wraps on his arms and legs which are used to wrap the enemies up and immobilize them. Around his waist he has a wire which ends with a claw - he uses this to catch opponents and get closer to them, so that he can make the eye contact. The claw can also serve as a grappling hook so it's quite useful in getting around.

The eyes are actually lights that sometimes flash to appear as if they're blinking. His gloves and heels have spiky endings.

Trivia: - Tero never looks people in the eyes. He is terrified of eye contact, even if he has protective glasswear. - He tried to make his room a happy place by painting it into yellow, but he ultimately failed, since his room doesn't get much sun. So it's just a grey mushy room. - He's a smoker (I made him a smoker just out of spite because Kashi, as a singer, hates smoke lmao). - Kashi helped him design his outfit.  Before Tero came to terms with his quirk, he handed in just a drawing of a black jumpsuit and googles, so that he couldnt use his power. After he gains confidence, he asks Kashi for help for a redesign. - Speaking of Kashi, he's a huge fan of Kashi's father. - He adores horror movies. Absolutely adores. - He is very, very studious - in fact, he will often keep researching topics they do in school. He usually ends up on a whole different topic. These obsessions last for a few days, and then he just drops them. - He suffers from frequent nightmares and wakes up often during night. He always dreams horrific monsters and places, but those don't scare him. The scary dreams for him are dreams where other people are suffering, or he's lost control and is hurting them. - When he uses his quirk, he gets a very vague glimpse of what's another person experiencing. It's unclear and he can't always place it, but sometimes he can figure it out. It usually troubles him. - UA changes him inside and outside and he reclaims his quirk and learns to control it.

[svveetrevenge]

hi delaney! is there like, one fic that stands out that youre passionate about??

oh GOD ive read about a billion and 12 but here are some of my favorites (links w the author’s description provided):

ok also sorry im sure this is more than you wanted but i couldnt give you just one?? theyre all bottom frank btw because im not evil and theyre all pretty long. maybe ill make a legit fic list in the future if some people are interested 

When We’re Both Thirty - LOVE LOVE FAVE EVER

Frank and Gerard were childhood friends. And then they were enemies. Finally, they became strangers. They’d been friends though, and maybe they’d been a little too affectionate, because everyone thought the two of them would get married someday. Before they became enemies, they had even agreed to use each other as a backup plan. If, by the time they both reached their thirtieth year, they hadn’t found someone to marry, they’d marry each other.They have thirty three days left.

Reaching Through the Mirror - totally weird but so?? good??

The one where Party Poison and Basement!Gerard have sex.

James Cameron Got it Wrong - part 2 ^^ 

In which 2005!Frank and Fun Ghoul get it on. Then Frank accidentally winds up in 2019.

Catholic!Frank and Artist!Gerard Not!Fic - w a url like mine, u had to expect at least one Catholic Frank fic on this list

I’m working on another story where teenage Frank is like, “Man, fuck the Catholic church for telling me I’m not supposed to like cock.” And while writing it, I got this image in my head of a different Frank, a Frank who, like, really had faith in God and who was struggling to be the kind of person the church would approve of.I tried writing it, but quickly realized that it was just way too big for me. Like, if I actually tried to do it justice it would take me years, and I don’t really have that sort of work ethic. So it became a not!fic. Yay?

Ain’t Nobody Gonna Love You Like The Devil Do - lol another one

Frank is a good, God-fearing Catholic boy, and then Gerard happens. Gerard is the most interesting person he’s ever met, arriving in Frank’s small town with late nights and illicit booze and odd, disturbing nightmares trailing in his wake, and before long, Frank finds himself questioning the things he thought he knew.

Against the Works of the Flesh - *dj khaled voice* anotha one

Frank Iero is the gay teenager who, after coming out to his Catholic family, faces trouble in finding himself and fitting in. He will find himself, though, through Father Way.

The Chasing of Moons - same author as the first one i listed

The biggest dilemma in all of this is that Frank slept with his future husband. Now Frank’s just got to make sure that the future with him stays intact, but it’s not so easy when present day Gerard seems to hate his guts.

Can Never Wrong this Right - i dont have words to explain how amazing this fic is

It’s 1949 and Dr. Way is a professor of Archeology and Frank is his constantly exasperated (and secretly pining) assistant. When their latest trek takes them to South America to locate the fabled Blood Stone, however, they both find more than they bargained for.

Fuck and Run - the most recent fic i read, SHOOK the whole time

Meaningless hookups are easier than dating when you’re a werewolf. That is, until your brother sets you up on a blind date with someone you’ve already *ahem* ‘seen’ before.

Public Enemy - these ones set in the past are so cool cant lie

In 1932, Gerard Way has been making a name for himself robbing banks up and down New Jersey. Frank Iero, analyst for J. Edgar Hoover’s Division of Investigation, is determined to catch him.

A Case of Unknown Identity - another one by the author of the first one

Frank is a teenager with only a few friends, one of whom is a charismatic guy who is just like Frank. He might even be falling for the guy, but the only problem is that he’s just a username on a website without a face or a name. The guy goes by ‘Watchman’ and he’s perfect in Frank’s eyes, he doesn’t even need to meet him to know he’s amazing. Frank also deals with bullies which makes it hard for him to hold onto friends, but things start to become better after he befriends the antisocial kid Mikey, and realizes that Watchman might just go to his school. Watchman might also know a little more about Frank than he’s letting on.

[choisgirls]

Hey dear nice Works...!!!!! Please Do a RFA (V+Saeran) Celebrating Birthday of MC how will they celebrate Mc's Birthday and what will they Do to make it special??

A/N: I’d invite them all to my birthday party hell yeah it’d be greAT ~Admin 404I love them all *sobs* ~ Admin 626

*YOOSUNG:-HE LOVES BIRTHDAYS-HE’S SUCH A LITTLE KID AT HEART (and i mean in general come on now)-Goes FULL. OUT. Does not take it lightly at all-Sets up a day with your friends so you’re out of the house and busy-And he decorates the house completely!! Streamers, balloons, he even has homemade party hats for the two of you-He isn’t a master baker or anything but he attempted at making a box cake for you!!! He decorated it with so many colourful sprinkles!-Remember how he gets a discount from the pizza place? He bought like three larges and the two of you were eating it for DAYS-SO MANY BOARD GAMES STRUNG ALL AROUND THE HOUSE BECAUSE Y’ALL ARE GONNA PLAY ALL. DAY. LONG.-He either has homemade presents for you, or he’s saved up a lot to splurge on pre-ordering that new video game you’ve been eyeing for months-The two of you watch all the movies!! Whatever movie you wanna watch, he’ll sit through. Scary ones? He might cry but he’ll DO IT FOR YOU!!!!

*JUMIN:-More of a classy approach to birthdays-He did attempt to put a party hat on Elizabeth though MC SHE’S ADORABLE LOOK, HURRY, BEFORE SHE TAKES IT OFF-SO MANY GIFTS. WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO WITH ALL OF THESE-But he always makes sure to give you one super special one. Whether it’s a piece of jewelry he had custom made because it reminded him of you, or it’s something you’ve had your eye on for a while, you’ve got it-He’s also super extra, like y’all know how wedding cakes are super big and beautiful and usually really intricate? Yeah so is your birthday cake. EVERY YEAR. but i mean are you really complaining?? It’s cAKE-Takes you to the fanciest restaurant for dinner, and the two of you dress up for it-(Yes, MC, you’re wearing the new dress/suit he got you)-He’ll also try taking you to new and exotic places as a day trip to see all the sights and watch the gleam in your eyes as you learn the history of the place-Always has the best wine, but on your birthday he pulls out the rare ones, just for you! (Or if you don’t do wine, he finds the best of whatever you like to drink)-Not to mention you wake up with like 14 dozen rose bouquets strung around the house that morning, all holding a little note card expressing his love for you because he can be cute too, mc

*SAEYOUNG:-We all know he’d wake you up by jumping on the bed and blowing that stupid little party blower in your ear until you chase him out of the room-But chasing him is worth it because when you get to the living room there are so many loose balloons that you can’t see the floor-Same goes with the ceiling, completely covered in balloons-Saeran’s just sitting in a chair, in a party hat, looking completely uninterested, but still plays the party blower when you walk in. Saeyoung tries to hide behind him to avoid your wrath you arent a morning person, are you mc?-The two of you spend a good while just throwing the loose balloons at each other over Saeran’s head who was not impressed, might i add-HE MADE Y’ALL PLAY PIN THE TAIL ON THE DONKEY IT WAS SO CUTE-Did you know you can get custom images printed onto your cakes? Because he made a collage of the STUPIDEST pictures he has of you and had it put on top-PLUS IT WAS AN ICE CREAM CAKE. IT WAS AMAZING.-Anything you want, he’ll get you. Just name it. You want a pet elephant? He’ll dO IT DON’T DOUBT HIM MC-He’d probably take you out for a drive, too. You could feel the fresh air and just talk about anything and everything. It’s just really relaxing and he wants you to have a stress-free time

*SAERAN:-What’s the point of celebrating another year of life in this shitty world now is NOT THE TIME MR. EDGELORD-But for you…he could manage it-He doesn’t go very hard at it though because he doesn’t see the real point-He’ll get a small gift for you- something he saw and immediately thought of you-He does get a small cake for you, but a freaking tub of ice cream- ICE CREAM IS BETTER MC DON’T GIVE ME THAT LOOK-Cuddles cuddles cuddles! He doesn’t hide his affection today! It’s all about you, he’ll put his insecurities away for a while-He’ll moan and groan at the stupid Disney movies you put in, but suffer through them because the fact that you sing along is the CUTEST thing he’s ever seen are you sure it isn’t his birthday-CUTIE ALERT: he cooks your favourite meal for you! He might have spent a few days trying to find the perfect way to make it, but HE MAKES IT-He’s also spent all day pushing Saeyoung out of the room because he’s not about to let him ruin your relaxing birthday by bringing in some stupid little party games hes also smacked a party blower into the back of his throat at one point and you felt TERRIBLE but you couldnt help but laugh???

*ZEN- you know his hoe ass is gonna try to go all out for you- like he knows you you prefer lowkey but???- the world needs to know his love for you- but after the RFA members managed to talk him down from performing a flash mob, he realized he should respect your wishes- so he struggles and struggles to come up with something that has a bit of flare but is still something you’d want- and then he remember you one time mentioning you’d never really been on a trampoline before???- hE KNOWS WHAT TO DO NOW- on your birthday (exactly at midnight), he sings “happy birthday” and then hands you a cupcake up with a candle on it - he had you fooled, you thought this was gonna be it for your birthday- boy buddy ur in for a treat!- when you wake up he immediately blindfolds- you’re just like *sigh* “well at least he didn’t jump out of the cake this year”- omfg when he takes off the blindfold though, you find yourself at a trampoline park??? And he invited your friends (including the RFA ofc) and family!!!- He roped Jumin into getting the place to rent out the entire area to then!- aND IT’S SO MUCH FUN???- WHO KNEW JUMPING COULD BE THIS MUCH FUN- wAIT THERE’S A ROCK CLIMBING? DODGEBALL? IS THAT A SLAM DUNK ARENA- Zen didn’t think you’d love it this much but oh my god he’s so happy because you look so happy!!!- and he finds that you and Saeyoung both love to push into the pit with all the foam cubes anD YOU TWO START TAG TEAMING- maybe this was a bad idea after all- but hearing your laugh was all he needed - after that, you all head to a dessert place and you spend the rest of your birthday talking and laughing with the people most important to you with the love of your life right by your side

*JAEHEE- you only really expected dinner at a restaurant and maybe cake because that’s just how you and jaehee are- other people might think it’s underwhelming but honestly, what’s better than snuggling up to your s/o and feeling warm and cuddley on your birthday???- but you’re surprised when you come home to a note that directs you to Seven’s house?- and when you get there, there’s another note attached to a nerf gun- “Happy Birthday, MC! The game starts as soon as you enter the house, every man for himself ~ Jaehee”- yOU’RE SO EXCITED OMG YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO HAVE A NERF WAR YYAAASSS- it is all out WAR when you enter- Zen is playing a defensive strategy, he may have shitty aim but hE CAN DODGE ANYTHING WITH HIS DANCER GRACE- Jumin is already out, he lasted like three seconds he’s disappointed because he thought he’d win with his cat like reflexes- Yoosung’s out too, he lasted much longer than Jumin but Saeyoung managed to trick him into thinking they were team and then Saeyoung shOT HIM EXECUTION STYLE- V’S BLIND ASS TAKES OUT SAERAN LMAO- Saeran is lowkey bitter; he steals V’s portion of birthday cake- eventually it’s just down to you, Jaehee, and Saeyoung,,,- aND YOU SACRIFICE YOURSELF- IF YOU WEREN’T GONNA WIN, YOU SURE AS HELL WEREN’T GONNA LET SAEYOUNG WIN- you run out in front of him and when he’s distracted by you, Jaehee shoots him!- you laugh so hard when you see the look on his face bc he wasn’t expecting you to sacrifice yourself- and then you give ya hot gf a kiss because hello, she’s a winner, she deserves all the kisses- after that, you all head down to Saeyoung’s entertainment room and watch your favorite movies and eat cake - everyone slowly falls asleep, and you’re cuddled up to jaehee and wondering what you did to get someone as amazing her in your life

*V- honestly he’s such a hipster, he throws a birthday for u every year and it always has a theme???- who does that smh- this year???- murder mYSTERY TRAIN THEME OMMMGG (A/N: 626 doesn’t know what she’s doing here, it’s probably all gonna be wrong)- what’s new scooby doo wE’RE COMING AFTER YOU WE’RE GONNA SOLVE THAT MYSTERYYY- V gets you a beautiful evening gown and hE MATCHES U  - he makes sure the gang is ready too, there’s no way theyre gonna ruin it for u (we’re looking at u saran wrap, das right i’m calling u out)- he takes sooo many pictures, you guys have to confiscate his camera cause hE WON’T STOP- when you guys get there, it’s sooo much more interactive than you thought it was gonna be???- you actually can’t tell who’s an actor and who isn’t?? They’re that good- aND THEN THE OLD LADY WHO’S SITTING NEAR YOU DIES WTF- you all have your own theories about who did it- V think it was her husband because hello, it’s always someone the victim knew- Jumin agrees but he’s also suspicious of the daughter- Yoosung doesn’t know what to think he’s still traumatized from seeing a dead lady even if it was fake- bUT IT’S ACTUALLY THE 20 SOMETHING YEAR OLD BECAUSE IT TURNS OUT SHE’S THE MISTRESS OF OLD LADY’S HUSBAND- Surprisingly only Zen got it right???- but he graciously gave you and V the prize since it a weekend getaway - Pretty sure V threatened him but whatever- After, you guys head back to yours and V’s place for cake and chilling - you guys end up on the floor in one weird big cuddled mess but it’s so warm (saran wrap says he hates u guys but he’s a little close to Zen so) (okay in 626’s world the RFA is a bunch of cuddlers youguyscantstopme)- u eventually get up tho and drag V to ur bedroom bc you wanna cuddle with him

[kansascityhappenings]

Teen who couldn’t form memories after accident makes breakthrough at Utah treatment center

PROVO, Utah – Riley Horner wakes up every day thinking it’s June 11, the day she lost her ability to create memories.

Her story stumped doctors and captivated the nation – now, five months later, Riley has found a beacon of light in Utah. She’s currently undergoing treatment at Cognitive FX, a post-concussion treatment center in Provo.

When she’s not working with Cognitive FX specialists, the16-year-old has been enjoying the nature that now surrounds her.

“It’s really pretty, I love it,” Riley told local TV news station KSTU with a smile. “I will pack my things and live in the mountains.”

But if you ask Riley, it’s the first time she’s been there.

“I don’t know where I’m at, no,” Riley shook her head. “I don’t understand how we got here, or how long we’ve been here, or why we’re here.”

This constant state of confusion has been Riley’s reality for 160 days.

“What happened? Why am I here? Why are we in Utah?” she said as she rattled off unknowns.

She’s now lost 3,840 hours and counting.

“When I try to look back, it’s just not there, there’s nothing there,” said Riley.

To understand Riley’s story, we have to rewind to June 11, 2019. Riley was at an FFA convention in Springfield, Illinois.

“We were meeting up with a bunch of people,” Riley squinted as she said the last thing she remembered.

In an Instagram video captured by one of the teens at the closing night dance, you can see a boy crowd surfing, then he drops – falling on top of Riley.

That’s when everything went dark.

“They took her straight to the hospital from the dance,” said Riley’s mom, Sarah Horner. “They released her; said she was fine.”

She wasn’t.

“Once we picked up Riley, she started having seizures in our backseat and obviously we knew she was not okay,” Sarah explained that started a series of 30 to 45 seizures over the next few hours.

Riley’s family knew it was bad, but it was even worse than they imagined — the 16-year-old had become stuck in a loop of resets.

“It’s like I’m broken,” said Riley.

Every two hours, her brain is a fresh slate.

“It’s just like, what? What happened?” Riley said.

As she goes through her day, Riley feels ‘foggy.’ She describes it as a feeling, some things seem familiar, but she can’t remember doing anything.

“Anything that I’ve been through recently, it’s just not there and so when people talk about it it’s just really, it’s so confusing, because it didn’t happen to me,” Riley explained.

The next morning, it’s like the day before never happened. She wakes up thinking it is still June 11 at the FFA convention.

“When she realizes she’s not there, she knows something’s wrong and then she goes to her phone, she’ll ask questions sometimes, sometimes she doesn’t,” said Sarah. “Sometimes she’ll say, ‘why is there snow on the ground in June?’”

“I have notes on my phone, when I got up this morning there’s like thousands of notes,” Riley said as she flipped through pages of entries on her cellphone.

Throughout the five months since the accident, Riley has gone to five different hospitals and has seen countless doctors.

“He told us she has a concussion and she’ll be better in a couple of days,” Riley said, reiterating what one of the doctors told her.

But with each specialist and hospital, they found more of the same.

“He looked me straight in the face and said, ‘I have no idea what’s wrong with her,’” said Sarah. “We’re at a really good hospital… what do you do?”

Riley had turned into a medical anomaly.

“This is unknown, there’s no protocol, there’s no plan for this,” Sarah said. “It’s horrible.”

All the while, Riley’s life has gone on – without Riley.

“People see her as normal and nothing’s wrong with her, but I see that she’s lost half of her junior year of high school, she’s lost her junior homecoming … she’s lost friends, she’s lost her boyfriend,” said Sarah.

Still, it’s Riley’s future that scares her family the most.

“If she doesn’t get her memory back, right now she’s probably okay, but a year or two years, you’re going to see a difference, she’ll still be a 16-year-old girl,” said Sarah.

“She couldn’t get a job, she couldn’t be on her own, she probably couldn’t have a boyfriend, a husband, she couldn’t have kids … at that point, I just see her future is done,” Sarah continued. “I get that she’s still here, she’s still living, she’s still breathing, but not having a memory, not being able to remember what you are doing every day, does affect your life.”

With each failed doctor’s visit, regaining Riley’s life felt hopeless.

“I’m not the same Riley,” Riley said shaking her head.

Then, on the four-month anniversary of the accident, everything changed.

“Her story went viral,” said Sarah.

They started receiving messages from places around the country, but one stood out above the rest.

“We’ve been to all of these doctors in two different states, now we have somebody out in Utah? That says they can fix her?” Sarah said with disbelief.

So, they got on a plane.

“I believe this is it, this has to be it, we don’t have a backup plan,” Sarah said.

Riley’s mom now calls Cognitive FX the “miracle in the mountains.”

“It’s just basic science applied properly,” said Dr. Mark Allen, a clinical neuroscientist at Cognitive FX and Riley’s doctor.

“So, this is hers,” he said as he pulled up a 3D image of Riley’s brain. “I can tell by looking at it that this one’s not totally normal.”

One brain scan revealed the answers they were looking for.

“The initial scan showed all the typical, all the most typical, brain hallmarks of having suffered a concussion,” Allen explained.

To put it simply, this issue comes from a disconnect in Riley’s brain in the way the cells receive oxygen.

“What happens is that little communication system breaks down, and it’s fixable and it’s really a minor issue, but it leads to major problems,” Allen continued. “The ultimate goal is to get the system back online.”

They believe by fixing the issues in the brain, the memory problems will resolve.

“We can coax the system back into working order,” said Allen.

Using the results, they can then concoct a ‘cure’ of sorts using a combination of different physical and mental therapies.

The therapies help to rebuild the connection in the brain by pairing exercises that rely on coordination, strenuous exercise and memory – used in a specific sequence for set amounts of time, it leads to cognitive rehabilitation.

Most patients do one week of treatments but given Riley’s unique circumstance she took part in two weeks worth.

“I’m very hopeful that the ‘now’ will come back and I can make memories and I can move on from this,” Riley said.

On day 154, Riley had a turning point – her first memory.

“We are in Utah; do you know why?” Sarah asked Riley as she woke her up.

“For a doctor,” Riley replied. “It’s at Cognitive.”

“She’s getting fixed, it’s working, whatever they’re doing it’s working!” Sarah said.

With each day, Riley gets stronger mentally and physically. She said she owes it all to the “miracle in the mountains.”

“Utah already is going to hold a special place in my heart even if I don’t get all the way better,” Riley said. “They’re not going to give up on me, so I’m not going to give up on them.”

By the end of week one, Riley had made a handful of memories – mostly food-related.

By the middle of week two, Riley was able to remember almost everything and finally started to “act normal.” In a message to KSTU, Sarah said, “It’s truly a miracle, I don’t know what else to say! I have seen stuff here and there, but last night it was real to me that I have my daughter back! She will have a future!”

Riley’s will do a final brain scan before being sent home with a 4-week treatment plan. Her eye rehabilitation treatments will continue for another four months.

“I have to repay them somehow, I have to repay because they’re giving me my life back,” Riley smiled.

Riley has always wanted to pursue a career in medicine. She said now, she wants to be a neuroscientist so she can help others like the doctors at Cognitive FX helped her. They did already offer her a job, after all.

Considering the experimental nature of the therapies, the costs were not covered by insurance. The family has set up a fundraising page to pay for the therapies (ringing in at $9,000 per week), as well as the other treatments and incidentals. You can find the page, HERE.

  from FOX 4 Kansas City WDAF-TV | News, Weather, Sports https://fox4kc.com/2019/11/21/16-year-old-with-2-hour-memory-starts-to-get-her-life-back-thanks-to-utah-treatment-center/

from Kansas City Happenings https://kansascityhappenings.wordpress.com/2019/11/21/teen-who-couldnt-form-memories-after-accident-makes-breakthrough-at-utah-treatment-center/

[adambstingus]

12 Former Porn Addicts Describe The Pitfalls Of A Serious Online Sex Habit

2. THE FATHER WHO KILLED HIMSELF BECAUSE OF AN ADDICTION TO PORN

Within a fairly short period of time, I found myself watching up to eight hours of pornography a day, every day.It wasnt unusual for me to be on a business trip and stay up until 3 or 4AM watching porn, knowing full well that I had an 8AM meeting the next morning where I was making a presentation to sell multi-million dollar software to corporate directors.I was thinking seriously about walking over to the Wal-Mart not too far from where I lived, buying a gun, sticking it in my mouth and pulling the trigger. It was when I started thinking about writing a suicide note to my boysthat, thank God, is when I woke up. I decided that it wasnt the legacy I was going to leave to my kids: the father who killed himself because of an addiction to porn.

3. THE FACT I WAS AROUSED BY SHIT AND ANIMAL PORN MEANT I HAD BRAIN DAMAGE

Since age 19, I’ve been completely unable to control my use of pornography on the Internet, my compulsive masturbation, my driving need to seduce women, and in recent years my nasty habit of spending hundreds of dollars a night in strip clubs, not so much making it rain as shamefully shoveling a wad of 20s at a stripper before scuttling away.My therapist said the fact I was aroused by shit and animal porn meant I had brain damage, simple as that. His conclusion took a couple of days to sink in. Essentially, the part of my mind responsible for rational decision-making has been overridden by a huge desire for more pleasure chemicals, and I do stupid, dangerous things to get those chemicals no matter the consequences. That’s addiction.

4. I AM A RECOVERING PORN ADDICT; I AM ALSO A 25-YEAR-OLD WOMAN

I am a recovering porn addict. I am also a 25-year-old woman.I watched and masturbated to movies in the “Girlvert” and “Meatholes” series, where the obvious goal was to humiliate and degrade the women involved. The disturbing thing was that I had been performing in porn for a few years myself by then, and I knew exactly the sort of cruelty, abuse and exploitation that went on behind the scenes. Yet I still watched and got off to these horribly violent and misogynist forms of pornography.

6. I WAS LYING TO PEOPLE ABOUT WHAT I WAS DOING

It was starting to take up large chunks of my time; I was lying to people about what I was doing in my spare time. I’d stay up viewing all night and go to work on an hour’s sleep; it was affecting my productivity, my health, my relationships and friendships. There were times I didn’t turn up to people’s parties or I wouldn’t go out, because I’d been viewing all day, or I’d think, I’ll just view one more thing before I leave. It’s a bit like when someone goes into a casino and they lose track of time and then they realize they’ve been in there for a day.

7. Shooting up on porn allowed me to savor female energies without all the emotions

Like millions of other well-functioning married men with issues, I turned to pornography. For several years I wanked myself stupid. Time and space was filled with horniness beyond my wildest dreams. Time that might otherwise have been used to be creative, productive, or even just plain bored got devoured by lust. In any moment where there was a desire for some escape from life I scored some porn.I hated porn. I couldnt sniff her, worship her or probe the beauty of her being. I couldnt feel her essence bathing my wounded masculinity to wholeness.But for me, porn somehow replaced the real thing. It was just, well, easier. Neurosis-free women.Shooting up on porn allowed me to savor female energies without all the emotions. Small men everywhere, who would rather not deal with the truth that women have for them, can go get a fill of female energy, have a beer, then get on with their day. Men, what is happening to us?

8. MY HEART WOULD THUMP WITH A MIX OF THRILL AND SHAME

I would sneak downstairs to the family computer once the house was dark. As I would settle into the polyester-cotton seat of the swivel chair and open a browser, my heart would thump with a mix of thrill and shame, my ears perked for any reason to abort my missionzip, pull and dart with an excuse ready about checking the weather for tomorrow.It was an addicts high, a high-stakes heist for sexual pleasurean association that would not soon recede in my primal brain.I found myself rapidly desensitized to online images. If a threesome was kinky last week, then Id need something wilder this week. To reach climax, I had to find that same toxic mix of shame and lust.It was a dissociative, alienating, almost inhuman task to close my eyes while having sex with someone I really cared about and imagine having sex with someone else or recall a deviant video from the archives of my youth that I was ashamed of even then.

9. THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME

One day I was watching pornography in my car, when I realized that I was late for my test. I closed my laptop and ran off. When I came back I found my car broken into, and my laptop gone. That evening my friend and I went to a strip club to help me feel better. My friend soon got tired and wanted to go home, but I couldnt get myself to walk away. Observing the consequences of my actions and my inability to walk away forced me to suspect that may be there was something was wrong with me after all.

10. IT HAS AFFECTED MY ERECTIONS

I was 15 when I started watching porn after my parents bought me a laptop. I did what pretty much any teenage boy does and look up porn websites. It became an everyday thing very quickly. I was watching porn for two hours a day.I found a website dedicated to porn addiction and I felt like I had an epiphany. I felt like I wasn’t alone any more. I did 100 days of porn abstinence and masturbation abstinence. It’s exactly like going cold turkey. The first two weeks were pretty awful with lots of mood swings. It was rough, it was really rough. There were sleepless nights. There were nights where I’d wake up in cold sweats. I’ve been able to get back to my routines and I’ve been OK but it has affected my erections. When I’m with a woman I’ve noticed it’s softer down there and I’m not as excited.I couldn’t get erections anymore with real women when I tried because I’d watched so much porn.

11. I HAD TERRIBLE WITHDRAWALS

I was 15 when I first masturbated to online porn. The high I got was immense, and it lasted about 30 minutes. At that point in my life I’d been feeling really low, and had been for about seven years. But, for the first time, I didn’t feel depressed at alleverything lifted. It made me want to do it again, and againso I did, until I was watching online porn every day.Eventually, I became desensitized to ‘vanilla’ guy-on-girl pornit simply didn’t turn me onso I sought out more extreme porn to shock my system into being aroused again. For the same reason, sex with real women was pretty much impossible. I didn’t link it to my porn addictionbecause I didn’t know I had one. I just thought there was something inherently wrong with me, which made me feel more low.I went cold turkey on porn. I had terrible withdrawals. My hands shook and I had awful mood swings, vivid nightmares and hot and cold sweats.

12. YOU NAME A GENRE, AND I WAS PROBABLY INTO IT AT ONE POINT

You name a genre, and I was probably into it at some point. Things that would have disgusted me one month I relied on the next to get me excited. The process Ive described above is well-known to addiction psychologists and therapists and is called desensitization.Excessive abuse over extended periods of time can lead to decreased libido, erectile dysfunction and impotence. In my case, the warning signs were there. I felt terrible after a session browsing the dark side of the neta mixture of shame, disgust, dissatisfaction, depression. I realized I could bring myself literally to the brink of orgasm solely with visual stimulationwithout using my hands at all. The encounters I had with women felt somehow disappointing. Sexually I felt a bit dead, occasionally I failed to maintain an erection. Desensitization is an apt word, because years of beating my meat to porn left my penis less sensitive to touch. I blamed it on condoms, on performance anxiety, on alcohol, on being out of shape, but finally, I realized the truth: porn.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/12-former-porn-addicts-describe-the-pitfalls-of-a-serious-online-sex-habit/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/183392592447

[samanthasroberts]

12 Former Porn Addicts Describe The Pitfalls Of A Serious Online Sex Habit

2. THE FATHER WHO KILLED HIMSELF BECAUSE OF AN ADDICTION TO PORN

Within a fairly short period of time, I found myself watching up to eight hours of pornography a day, every day.It wasnt unusual for me to be on a business trip and stay up until 3 or 4AM watching porn, knowing full well that I had an 8AM meeting the next morning where I was making a presentation to sell multi-million dollar software to corporate directors.I was thinking seriously about walking over to the Wal-Mart not too far from where I lived, buying a gun, sticking it in my mouth and pulling the trigger. It was when I started thinking about writing a suicide note to my boysthat, thank God, is when I woke up. I decided that it wasnt the legacy I was going to leave to my kids: the father who killed himself because of an addiction to porn.

3. THE FACT I WAS AROUSED BY SHIT AND ANIMAL PORN MEANT I HAD BRAIN DAMAGE

Since age 19, I’ve been completely unable to control my use of pornography on the Internet, my compulsive masturbation, my driving need to seduce women, and in recent years my nasty habit of spending hundreds of dollars a night in strip clubs, not so much making it rain as shamefully shoveling a wad of 20s at a stripper before scuttling away.My therapist said the fact I was aroused by shit and animal porn meant I had brain damage, simple as that. His conclusion took a couple of days to sink in. Essentially, the part of my mind responsible for rational decision-making has been overridden by a huge desire for more pleasure chemicals, and I do stupid, dangerous things to get those chemicals no matter the consequences. That’s addiction.

4. I AM A RECOVERING PORN ADDICT; I AM ALSO A 25-YEAR-OLD WOMAN

I am a recovering porn addict. I am also a 25-year-old woman.I watched and masturbated to movies in the “Girlvert” and “Meatholes” series, where the obvious goal was to humiliate and degrade the women involved. The disturbing thing was that I had been performing in porn for a few years myself by then, and I knew exactly the sort of cruelty, abuse and exploitation that went on behind the scenes. Yet I still watched and got off to these horribly violent and misogynist forms of pornography.

6. I WAS LYING TO PEOPLE ABOUT WHAT I WAS DOING

It was starting to take up large chunks of my time; I was lying to people about what I was doing in my spare time. I’d stay up viewing all night and go to work on an hour’s sleep; it was affecting my productivity, my health, my relationships and friendships. There were times I didn’t turn up to people’s parties or I wouldn’t go out, because I’d been viewing all day, or I’d think, I’ll just view one more thing before I leave. It’s a bit like when someone goes into a casino and they lose track of time and then they realize they’ve been in there for a day.

7. Shooting up on porn allowed me to savor female energies without all the emotions

Like millions of other well-functioning married men with issues, I turned to pornography. For several years I wanked myself stupid. Time and space was filled with horniness beyond my wildest dreams. Time that might otherwise have been used to be creative, productive, or even just plain bored got devoured by lust. In any moment where there was a desire for some escape from life I scored some porn.I hated porn. I couldnt sniff her, worship her or probe the beauty of her being. I couldnt feel her essence bathing my wounded masculinity to wholeness.But for me, porn somehow replaced the real thing. It was just, well, easier. Neurosis-free women.Shooting up on porn allowed me to savor female energies without all the emotions. Small men everywhere, who would rather not deal with the truth that women have for them, can go get a fill of female energy, have a beer, then get on with their day. Men, what is happening to us?

8. MY HEART WOULD THUMP WITH A MIX OF THRILL AND SHAME

I would sneak downstairs to the family computer once the house was dark. As I would settle into the polyester-cotton seat of the swivel chair and open a browser, my heart would thump with a mix of thrill and shame, my ears perked for any reason to abort my missionzip, pull and dart with an excuse ready about checking the weather for tomorrow.It was an addicts high, a high-stakes heist for sexual pleasurean association that would not soon recede in my primal brain.I found myself rapidly desensitized to online images. If a threesome was kinky last week, then Id need something wilder this week. To reach climax, I had to find that same toxic mix of shame and lust.It was a dissociative, alienating, almost inhuman task to close my eyes while having sex with someone I really cared about and imagine having sex with someone else or recall a deviant video from the archives of my youth that I was ashamed of even then.

9. THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME

One day I was watching pornography in my car, when I realized that I was late for my test. I closed my laptop and ran off. When I came back I found my car broken into, and my laptop gone. That evening my friend and I went to a strip club to help me feel better. My friend soon got tired and wanted to go home, but I couldnt get myself to walk away. Observing the consequences of my actions and my inability to walk away forced me to suspect that may be there was something was wrong with me after all.

10. IT HAS AFFECTED MY ERECTIONS

I was 15 when I started watching porn after my parents bought me a laptop. I did what pretty much any teenage boy does and look up porn websites. It became an everyday thing very quickly. I was watching porn for two hours a day.I found a website dedicated to porn addiction and I felt like I had an epiphany. I felt like I wasn’t alone any more. I did 100 days of porn abstinence and masturbation abstinence. It’s exactly like going cold turkey. The first two weeks were pretty awful with lots of mood swings. It was rough, it was really rough. There were sleepless nights. There were nights where I’d wake up in cold sweats. I’ve been able to get back to my routines and I’ve been OK but it has affected my erections. When I’m with a woman I’ve noticed it’s softer down there and I’m not as excited.I couldn’t get erections anymore with real women when I tried because I’d watched so much porn.

11. I HAD TERRIBLE WITHDRAWALS

I was 15 when I first masturbated to online porn. The high I got was immense, and it lasted about 30 minutes. At that point in my life I’d been feeling really low, and had been for about seven years. But, for the first time, I didn’t feel depressed at alleverything lifted. It made me want to do it again, and againso I did, until I was watching online porn every day.Eventually, I became desensitized to ‘vanilla’ guy-on-girl pornit simply didn’t turn me onso I sought out more extreme porn to shock my system into being aroused again. For the same reason, sex with real women was pretty much impossible. I didn’t link it to my porn addictionbecause I didn’t know I had one. I just thought there was something inherently wrong with me, which made me feel more low.I went cold turkey on porn. I had terrible withdrawals. My hands shook and I had awful mood swings, vivid nightmares and hot and cold sweats.

12. YOU NAME A GENRE, AND I WAS PROBABLY INTO IT AT ONE POINT

You name a genre, and I was probably into it at some point. Things that would have disgusted me one month I relied on the next to get me excited. The process Ive described above is well-known to addiction psychologists and therapists and is called desensitization.Excessive abuse over extended periods of time can lead to decreased libido, erectile dysfunction and impotence. In my case, the warning signs were there. I felt terrible after a session browsing the dark side of the neta mixture of shame, disgust, dissatisfaction, depression. I realized I could bring myself literally to the brink of orgasm solely with visual stimulationwithout using my hands at all. The encounters I had with women felt somehow disappointing. Sexually I felt a bit dead, occasionally I failed to maintain an erection. Desensitization is an apt word, because years of beating my meat to porn left my penis less sensitive to touch. I blamed it on condoms, on performance anxiety, on alcohol, on being out of shape, but finally, I realized the truth: porn.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/12-former-porn-addicts-describe-the-pitfalls-of-a-serious-online-sex-habit/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2019/03/12/12-former-porn-addicts-describe-the-pitfalls-of-a-serious-online-sex-habit/

[allofbeercom]

12 Former Porn Addicts Describe The Pitfalls Of A Serious Online Sex Habit

2. THE FATHER WHO KILLED HIMSELF BECAUSE OF AN ADDICTION TO PORN

Within a fairly short period of time, I found myself watching up to eight hours of pornography a day, every day.It wasnt unusual for me to be on a business trip and stay up until 3 or 4AM watching porn, knowing full well that I had an 8AM meeting the next morning where I was making a presentation to sell multi-million dollar software to corporate directors.I was thinking seriously about walking over to the Wal-Mart not too far from where I lived, buying a gun, sticking it in my mouth and pulling the trigger. It was when I started thinking about writing a suicide note to my boysthat, thank God, is when I woke up. I decided that it wasnt the legacy I was going to leave to my kids: the father who killed himself because of an addiction to porn.

3. THE FACT I WAS AROUSED BY SHIT AND ANIMAL PORN MEANT I HAD BRAIN DAMAGE

Since age 19, I’ve been completely unable to control my use of pornography on the Internet, my compulsive masturbation, my driving need to seduce women, and in recent years my nasty habit of spending hundreds of dollars a night in strip clubs, not so much making it rain as shamefully shoveling a wad of 20s at a stripper before scuttling away.My therapist said the fact I was aroused by shit and animal porn meant I had brain damage, simple as that. His conclusion took a couple of days to sink in. Essentially, the part of my mind responsible for rational decision-making has been overridden by a huge desire for more pleasure chemicals, and I do stupid, dangerous things to get those chemicals no matter the consequences. That’s addiction.

4. I AM A RECOVERING PORN ADDICT; I AM ALSO A 25-YEAR-OLD WOMAN

I am a recovering porn addict. I am also a 25-year-old woman.I watched and masturbated to movies in the “Girlvert” and “Meatholes” series, where the obvious goal was to humiliate and degrade the women involved. The disturbing thing was that I had been performing in porn for a few years myself by then, and I knew exactly the sort of cruelty, abuse and exploitation that went on behind the scenes. Yet I still watched and got off to these horribly violent and misogynist forms of pornography.

6. I WAS LYING TO PEOPLE ABOUT WHAT I WAS DOING

It was starting to take up large chunks of my time; I was lying to people about what I was doing in my spare time. I’d stay up viewing all night and go to work on an hour’s sleep; it was affecting my productivity, my health, my relationships and friendships. There were times I didn’t turn up to people’s parties or I wouldn’t go out, because I’d been viewing all day, or I’d think, I’ll just view one more thing before I leave. It’s a bit like when someone goes into a casino and they lose track of time and then they realize they’ve been in there for a day.

7. Shooting up on porn allowed me to savor female energies without all the emotions

Like millions of other well-functioning married men with issues, I turned to pornography. For several years I wanked myself stupid. Time and space was filled with horniness beyond my wildest dreams. Time that might otherwise have been used to be creative, productive, or even just plain bored got devoured by lust. In any moment where there was a desire for some escape from life I scored some porn.I hated porn. I couldnt sniff her, worship her or probe the beauty of her being. I couldnt feel her essence bathing my wounded masculinity to wholeness.But for me, porn somehow replaced the real thing. It was just, well, easier. Neurosis-free women.Shooting up on porn allowed me to savor female energies without all the emotions. Small men everywhere, who would rather not deal with the truth that women have for them, can go get a fill of female energy, have a beer, then get on with their day. Men, what is happening to us?

8. MY HEART WOULD THUMP WITH A MIX OF THRILL AND SHAME

I would sneak downstairs to the family computer once the house was dark. As I would settle into the polyester-cotton seat of the swivel chair and open a browser, my heart would thump with a mix of thrill and shame, my ears perked for any reason to abort my missionzip, pull and dart with an excuse ready about checking the weather for tomorrow.It was an addicts high, a high-stakes heist for sexual pleasurean association that would not soon recede in my primal brain.I found myself rapidly desensitized to online images. If a threesome was kinky last week, then Id need something wilder this week. To reach climax, I had to find that same toxic mix of shame and lust.It was a dissociative, alienating, almost inhuman task to close my eyes while having sex with someone I really cared about and imagine having sex with someone else or recall a deviant video from the archives of my youth that I was ashamed of even then.

9. THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME

One day I was watching pornography in my car, when I realized that I was late for my test. I closed my laptop and ran off. When I came back I found my car broken into, and my laptop gone. That evening my friend and I went to a strip club to help me feel better. My friend soon got tired and wanted to go home, but I couldnt get myself to walk away. Observing the consequences of my actions and my inability to walk away forced me to suspect that may be there was something was wrong with me after all.

10. IT HAS AFFECTED MY ERECTIONS

I was 15 when I started watching porn after my parents bought me a laptop. I did what pretty much any teenage boy does and look up porn websites. It became an everyday thing very quickly. I was watching porn for two hours a day.I found a website dedicated to porn addiction and I felt like I had an epiphany. I felt like I wasn’t alone any more. I did 100 days of porn abstinence and masturbation abstinence. It’s exactly like going cold turkey. The first two weeks were pretty awful with lots of mood swings. It was rough, it was really rough. There were sleepless nights. There were nights where I’d wake up in cold sweats. I’ve been able to get back to my routines and I’ve been OK but it has affected my erections. When I’m with a woman I’ve noticed it’s softer down there and I’m not as excited.I couldn’t get erections anymore with real women when I tried because I’d watched so much porn.

11. I HAD TERRIBLE WITHDRAWALS

I was 15 when I first masturbated to online porn. The high I got was immense, and it lasted about 30 minutes. At that point in my life I’d been feeling really low, and had been for about seven years. But, for the first time, I didn’t feel depressed at alleverything lifted. It made me want to do it again, and againso I did, until I was watching online porn every day.Eventually, I became desensitized to ‘vanilla’ guy-on-girl pornit simply didn’t turn me onso I sought out more extreme porn to shock my system into being aroused again. For the same reason, sex with real women was pretty much impossible. I didn’t link it to my porn addictionbecause I didn’t know I had one. I just thought there was something inherently wrong with me, which made me feel more low.I went cold turkey on porn. I had terrible withdrawals. My hands shook and I had awful mood swings, vivid nightmares and hot and cold sweats.

12. YOU NAME A GENRE, AND I WAS PROBABLY INTO IT AT ONE POINT

You name a genre, and I was probably into it at some point. Things that would have disgusted me one month I relied on the next to get me excited. The process Ive described above is well-known to addiction psychologists and therapists and is called desensitization.Excessive abuse over extended periods of time can lead to decreased libido, erectile dysfunction and impotence. In my case, the warning signs were there. I felt terrible after a session browsing the dark side of the neta mixture of shame, disgust, dissatisfaction, depression. I realized I could bring myself literally to the brink of orgasm solely with visual stimulationwithout using my hands at all. The encounters I had with women felt somehow disappointing. Sexually I felt a bit dead, occasionally I failed to maintain an erection. Desensitization is an apt word, because years of beating my meat to porn left my penis less sensitive to touch. I blamed it on condoms, on performance anxiety, on alcohol, on being out of shape, but finally, I realized the truth: porn.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/12-former-porn-addicts-describe-the-pitfalls-of-a-serious-online-sex-habit/

[mrss-whenfithitstheshan-blog]

Photo by Elena Koycheva on Unsplash

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Updated 2/13/2019

Hey Parents,

Did you ever notice that the concept of time is really tough for kids to understand– all the way from birth up until they are like 7 or 8?

It’s a real problem, because we use time to manage everything in our lives!

When to wake up,

when to go to daycare or the babysitter’s,

when to the store,

when to eat,

when to nap,

when we come home from work,

when to celebrate holidays,

when to go to parties,

when to take a bath,

when to go to bed….

And through all this, our poor children don’t even know what we’re talking about when we say, “We will get to have bath time at 7 o’clock. Please wait til then.”

How can we help kids understand what’s coming next in the day?

It’s no fun to be thrown into things without any warning or understanding. What would that feel like to have NO IDEA what is going to happen next until someone else decided for you? And you HAD to do it?? 

I would throw a fit too!

Subscribe today to receive your FREE Guide! 

Case in point-

I was feeling so sad for my poor daughter the other day. She was getting so frustrated because she couldn’t understand why it wasn’t time to eat dinner.

Having a family dinner is very important to us, so I was hoping she would wait until dad got home from work. We do this every day, but those last 15 minutes are always a battle! 

There’s got to be a way to fix it. I’m done fighting this every single day! 

I did what every mom does- I complained to my friends about our problems. My awesome sister-in-law Monica (an amazing mother of four who I really look up to) gave me the best idea!

She said that she had heard of a tool that you can make at home, DIY, for less than $20 that will help children better understand time and routines.

Ummm…. YES PLEASE!!!

I took her suggestions and added my own twists. I call it our “Routine Clock.”

I’m focusing on two parts of our daily routine- eating times (snacks and meals) and sleeping times (nap and bedtime) by marking those events on the face of an analog clock for my child to see.

Do you have any great ideas on how to improve this “Routine Clock”? Tell us about it! Comment below!

Step 1: Gather materials.

Here’s what you’ll need:

A cheap analog clock

Mainstay Sterling & Noble Wall Clock – Black

Sharpies

Sharpie 30078 Permanent Markers, Fine Point, Classic Colors, 8 Count

Scissors

AmazonBasics Multipurpose Scissors – 3-Pack

A screwdriver

TEKTON 2796 6-in-1 Screwdriver

Stickers, paint, or any other fun decorations your child might like!

RENOOK Stickers for Kids 1500+, 20 Different Sheets, 3D Puffy Stickers, Scrapbooking, Bullet Journals, Stickers for Adult, Including Animals, and More,Christmas Stickers for Kids. Crayola Washable Kids Paint, Classic Colors, 6 Count, Painting Supplies, Gift

Not required… But there were tiny screws that are easy to lose, so my husband’s magnetic tool tray might have come in handy. I wish I had thought of it beforehand.

Titan Tools 11061 Mini Magnetic Parts Tray

Step 2: Remove the minute hand (or at least mark the hour hand).

The overall goal with this clock is for my child to watch the hour hand approach a marked time for a snack or a meal or nap time in order to visualize when those events are getting closer.

The problem is that the minute hand crosses each of the marked time slots every hour of the day, while the hour hand only crosses them once per day (once per day during the hours that my child is awake anyways…).

So I really need my child to watch the hour hand, not the minute hand. By removing the minute hand or at least marking the hour hand, my child knows which one to keep an eye on.

You’ll have to remove the clock face for this step. It was super easy to do- just take out the screws on the back of the clock.

The minute and second hands were easy to cut with scissors. I did leave a small bit of each hand so that I could set the time on the clock.

If you would rather not cut the minute hand, just mark the hour hand with a sticker or by painting it or using a sharpie to change its color. This will help it stand out so that your child knows to watch the hour hand.

Step 3: Use a sharpie to mark the times of various daily activities on the face of the clock.

Replace the face of the clock. Again- so easy, just screw the face back on.

I tried light-colored sharpies so that my child could still see the numbers under my markings.

As my child practices with the clock, I would like to start teaching her how the numbers correspond with the time, which corresponds with our daily activities. I really didn’t want to cover up the numbers with dark colors.

I found that the light green and yellow sharpies were TOO light. You could hardly see the color. But the darker pink and darker green were perfect!

****Idea- One limitation of this clock is that it still only works to help my child understand the daily routine, not to prepare for curve balls that life throws when the routine is thrown off.

If you want the clock to change based on what your plans are for the day, don’t use sharpies. Try using dry erase markers so that you can add different tasks or activities based on what new things are going on for the day!

Then just erase your clock at the end of the day so that you can put the next day’s tasks on the clock!

For my purposes, I color coded the clock using green and pink. Pink marks are for meals and snacks. Green marks are for naps and bedtime.

My child usually goes to sleep at 7pm and wakes up at 7am, so I marked from 7 to 7:15 in green to mark bedtime/wake up time. Her nap is around 1-3, so those times are marked in green.

Breakfast is between 7:15-8, lunch is between 12-12:45, dinner is between 5-6, and snacks are from 10-10:30am and 3-3:30pm. Those times are all blocked out in pink.

Marking a range of time during which we generally eat or sleep rather than marking one specific time allows some flexibility.

For example, we start lunch any time between 12:00 and 12: 45.

Step 4: Decorate it!

I have not been blessed with a talent for drawing, especially on a curved surface like the face of a clock, so it was surprisingly difficult to make my clock look cute!

In the end, I decided I’d better go simple. I outlined each different task in black sharpie to make the time slots nice and defined, added a boarder around the face of the clock, and called it good.

But let’s be real- kids aren’t judgmental. They love you no matter what, and they’re excited about new things with pretty colors. So I had nothing to worry about.

If my little one were a little older, I would probably invite her to decorate it herself.

Oh, and I also added labels on each routine so that my awesome husband knows what’s coming up next. He always wants to help but doesn’t always know how. Win Win!

Step 5: Set the time.

Just follow the directions on the package!

Step 6: Put your new tool to work!

Well, we completed our clock about a week ago.

My daughter is catching on fast. I make sure to show her the clock each time a snack, meal, nap, or bedtime comes up. She is starting to point to it all on her own when we are getting close to one of those times in our day.

I chose not to hang it on the wall. Rather, I keep it on the counter.

Giving My Daughter a Heads Up

When a meal or nap is coming up, I hand it to my daughter (she loves to hold it) point to the color coming up. I ask her, “Do you know what’s going to happen soon?” or “Do you know what’s coming up next?”

Then we talk about it and I give her a 5-minute opportunity to finish up whatever she’s doing before it’s time to transition.

Helping her Understand When She Needs to Wait

It’s so much easier to tell her that she needs to wait to eat! (She doesn’t mind waiting to take a nap….)

If she’s getting hungry just a few minutes before dad gets home from work, I just show her the clock and say, “It’s not time for dinner yet, but look how close it is! Almost time!” 

Then she can hold the clock and check back to watch as dinner time gets closer and closer.

I have noticed frustration levels for both me and my child decreasing every day! It’s so nice to have a simple way to help her look forward to what’s coming up next in her routine.

Did you try out this “Routines Clock”? How did it go?? Comment below!

Do you have any great ideas on how to make these clocks better? Tell us about it! Comment below!

I hope this resource helps some cute kids out there!

And parents, as always, keep up the good work!

(As a total side note, I recently learned about another amazing tool to help children with time! This one is a clock that lights up green when it is “wake up time.” If the child wakes up too early, the light is off so he knows to keep resting or engage in a quiet activity until the light turns green signaling that he can begin his day! AMAZING!)

Click on the image below! Mirari OK to Wake! Alarm Clock & Night-Light

Sincerely,

Mrs. S

Please share this post with a parent who could use some help teaching their kids about time!

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Does your child struggle to understand time? Time is an abstract and difficult topic for young children. Here's an amazing DIY resource that will help you and your child! And the best part- it's less than $20 to make! Click here! Photo by Elena Koycheva on Unsplash This post may contain advertisements and/or links for products and services that I value.