#i just havent mentioned I feel like i wouldnt come to a conclusion any time soon

[altheadajoysoul]

Well in other news, I may or may not be a questioning demiromantic 👁👁 /pos

[spikeinthepunch]

i was blabbing on my priv twit about SU and i still have more thoughts but i am putting it under a cut so you must choose to read it, and it you do dont be stupid about it <3 if you follow me and want to bring up old ass SU discourse you should leave. i am looking back and appreciating this show

i have noticed some ppl watch SU who havent before watch it now, and its nice seeing a number of folk be like "why were people discoursing about this?? its just a good kids show" which is totally 100% true, tho i hope ppl watching it are also aware of like.... how important that show was/is-- not even just for its LGBT rep but its story IS serious/has a lot of depth and does teach some very unexplored themes, and lessons.

people were overly serious and heated about the show in a way that was like "i expect these things because it already did [serious thing]! why arent they doing this!" but you cant deny the show dove into some serious territory and wildly out there themes that kids shows werent doing at all. the show was plot focused and it took all kinds of twists and turns- no one should be mistaken about that, its just that adult fans were stupid about it.

and alongside newer watchers talking about the show i still see a lot of it followed with "...but i know its flawed!" which like. yes, also true. but i think something i notice with that is that it feels like anyone going to watch the show has to put up a defense of like "i know i said the show is good BUT i need to say its flawed or else people will get mad and assume i think its perfect". and lets be real. what show is gonna be perfect? none really, but we dont say that for like... every other show we go to talk about. why do you have to put a disclaimer when talking about SU?? as if it almost feel required when talking in spaces where ppl may have Opinions about it, bc the fandom was often so toxic. its definitely because SU fandom still left that impression of constant discourse, and not recognizing its flaws meant (to them) that you endorsed all kinds of things that could be "bad" about it.... i really dont think its worth saying at all nowadays if we want to detach from the fandom 'that was'.

anyone who watches can gladly come to their own conclusion about that, but in the end i think many now wont have such a big impression about whether or not its flawed because it is a kids show, you know? wasnt that the point of revisiting it today? being softer on it than the rabid 2016 tumblr fans? i think many do feel that way, not affected by the fandom, but in the end i just find it important to not feel the need to validate those who would assume the worst out of something you never stated.

i mostly voice this because again, it kinda sucks seeing a lot of talk just be about new watchers surprised the fandom was so toxic because the show its just a nice kid show. cartoons as media isnt often (or at all) regarded in long history and its a shame because i think more and more people forget SU paved the way for so much, for so many shows and cartoons especially. and i think its really worth talking about SU without feeling the need to mention its "flawed" because even then i think the fandom really heightened/exaggerated those flaws.

its well written and it most definitely threw in lessons and feelings and explorations of things id never seen before that even as a not-child age was very important to see. honestly dont know what i would be like if i hadnt seen that show, and i wasnt a child and i took it seriously, and you should to some extent! you wouldnt be the same as those adults who got into discourse. its normal to have cared about that show.

basically i hope people dont forget those important as time goes on, and i think it is important to also seperate the 'stupid adult fan' from the expression and closeness to any peice of media on can have even if its a cartoon. its been a hot topic more and more to talk about adults enjoying kids shows- some more harsh and strict than others. i know its expected people will remember a shitty fandom but SU isnt even a bad show either. id hardly say its mediocre even for the ppl who dont care for it, bc it could still erase/take away focus from how it affected LGBT shows going forward and that alone is very important! idk where to end this now but i just had feelings. i detached from the fandom like in the middle of the show (or at least just stopped looking directly in spaces like tumblr) and i kind of missed any opinions ppl started forming but all i see now is a lot of recognition for the fandom being bad but not a lot of deeper discussion of what the show did in the end. there is so much to say about the show from a meta context and the development it had as well.

[leafy-wings]

dragging my feet to post this bc ive meant to for like 2 days but ive been terminally sleepy BUUUUT i feel SOOO bad that i shared that journal. IDK i got @’d it and  every single time i post shit on this blog i never expect anyone to interact with it! the warning was baffling and i wanted to point it out to chortle over but i didnt think that anyone else would take it and run with it.

so the point is; DO NOT JUDGE THE BOOK BEFORE YOU READ IT fuck genuinely guys. get critical thinking skills all i want to peddle on this blog is that you judge things critically. i was intrigued by the first passes but seeing other first passes and rethinking abt whats in the journal im just like man.

look. you all know i have my beef w wof, but i urge you, if you want to push the actually bad parts DONT FUCKING MAKE SHIT UP! then no one will believe you! why talk about selective breeding as eugenics when its NOT in the text when you can point towards the skywing and silkwing breeding projects that ARE in the text? now when ppl mention the breeding thing they know that the former didnt happen so theyre less likely to take the latter at heart...

and with wof, like. i complain about the messages because its supposed to be for children, but there is an  amount of cruelty and fantasy we expect from, yknow.. fantasy. and its not all analogous, and the text is allowed to be way fucking grosser than if they were people, because theyre not people. theyre fantasy dragons having a fantasy war and its getting tiring seeing people ascribe human morality to the dragons intensely fantastical situations-- theyre stand ins for humans but i dont think the infant death than can really be judged fully until i read it because honestly. its fantasy, there are extraneous circumstances entirely outlandish to reality, its not that bad because the lesson cannot be taken out to reality- i WILL trouble myself with lessons such as, forgive your abuser. i dont care about lessons such as, if someone is a zombie should you kill them, because one effects reality and the other doesnt

(this entire section is soft baked, feel free to rip into me for it or disregard it because i havent had much time to think about it and im very tired, and id like to hear others input) and re; race. im not super into race politics, but as a (mixed) poc, as said above it is not straight analogous so i cant make judgements. i WISH there werent feathers in the hair mentioned and if anyones indigenous they could give more input, but it is important when we criticize it that we remember that ALL of the characters are unspecified poc and so i wouldnt really call it bad representation because its NOT representation. unless theres further coding in the text creating connections to real cultures that i havent seen, its not unflattering stereotypes to a race because the characters are not in any race because they do not have human cultures-- like a scavenger being asian coded in wof doesnt do anything for me because there is no wof asia. yknow??? its DEFINITELY unflattering and from the white tui should be examined but with way way way more nuance and notes on the context...

thank ya for listening please god all i want is for you all to read and make proper judgements. come to your own conclusions on the same evidence thats all i ask

[24-guy]

I spent 2 hours on writing notes from the prison podcast stream.

Now I don’t know what to do with them, so I’m putting them here. 

No need to read them, there is just some interesting stuff I noticed, things like tones and how many times somethings are brought up. 

if you do, though, I apologize  for spelling errors. 

start stream

techno "did the calculations" on how long it would take to mine obsidian with the amount of mining fatigue they had. we knoe this is true.

dream has been writing, it is the only thing hes been able to do with the limited items he has. its his "diary"

techno teases over fanfics on wattpad

"the only thing ive written is my diary" do the revive books not count, then? or what is in the revive books that isnt writing?

techno focuses on that nobody is watching - dream doesnt comment on it - dream doesnt know about the voices?

techno is supposed to break dream out, but he hasnt got many ideas "ill get to it later"

techno enjoys prison - sees it as a vacation

techno has an optimistic outlook.

go with the flow

dream sees harming himself as exhillerating techno disaprooves

dream tells techno quackity has been torturing him everyday. techno is only surprised by the every day part

dream mentions the revive book techno remembers being told about that asks "yeah you can bring people back from the dead. yeah so how do you do that" - curious tone, seems genuinely interested for innocent meanings dream responds " i have.. the knowledge and then i get a book and then i burn it" - hesitant at first, then vague but seemingly honest reponse

techno asks what the knowledge is, incantation/password/expelliarmus dream says "something like that" slowly, then quickly says he doesnt know and that he "doesnt know how schlatt had it" - going away from the topic original book - there are more than one it is a book is what youre saying - t well... i mean, it was a book that i memorised and that now i can recreate - d techno tries again to get the knowledge he wants to revive people dream doesnt want to tell techno because he wouldnt be the only one who knew techno tries to bargain saying that if dream died, techno coulld bring him bacl dream knows they wont kill him because he can revive people

dream says no, techno says "you forgot how to write it down didnt you dream says he didnt, that he did it recently, techno repeats again that dream forgot brings up wattpad again. dream says he wrote it down for tommy. he doesnt mention wilbur to techno. bring up the homeless situaation prison is dreams house cell is boiling apparently makes a joke about cali rent prices

nobody visited the cell "we stopped anarcy" "when we get out of here" no though ahead going into this situation (techno) "just as far as i need to" dream doesnt know what techno means by stream schedule, techno jokes about dream's lack of schedual techno usually trains always looking for new combat, reasearching constant arms race no idea when a government will arise or opressing people is always prepared has a good amount of gear he also plays golf somewhere offers a game with dream no way to describe it somewhere farther than his house

dream asks about tommy techno hasnt seen him canonically, only knows he stole acouple months ago - as far as he tells dream

dream asks about carl carl is doing well

dream asks about the family its doing good, apparently, new foxes, got steve who will break him out dream writes about steve "i will write evrrything down because its hard to remember" another fanfic joke

dream asks whos feeding them they feed themselves its probably fine

milld break for 4 wall break

gist or jist

prison podcast offers, agrees that is all this is

technical difficulties

podcast bros

eating potato

dream offers his thoughts on what would happen of he tried to revive somebody who is alive two technoblades human meat sheild

dream wants to try no death first what could go wrong nothing else to do

techno house is man vs nature conflict floor has ants floof brings ants spilled pet food dream has a revivebook techno tries to read it first hit with book a small wait throw into lava DreamXD joins broke the table fixed table a god dream "cloned himsef" god looks exactly like dream feels like a question to ask earlier dream summoned dreamxd ask for wish ask for bell dream gets mad because no escape dreamxd leaves sellout timer goes off techno makes money as dream questions his life dream sits in corner hole techno aims to be annoying we count channel members for a bit

dream and techno friend bonding time?

summons dreamxd for reviving nobody dream writes this in his diary as techno rings bell tries again, it doesnt work creative mode is a known thing by mortals they know how deadly it is

warden on vacation

techno hasnt written anything he has at least 4 books in his inventory, going from the top 2nd space to the top 5th space. the fourth book is called information and is signed by dream. dream throws a potato in the lava techno asks for the revive book again, this time to see of dreamxd will come back because it is a different person summoning him dream says no

techno needs a bell to sell out for the *brand*, ritual and tradition dream put the bell in church prime no twitch primes for dream - hes a heratic (no contract) dream makes no profit dream has lots of raw potatos for 5-6 months

techno asks if dream has any friends dream says not really, they turned against him techno knows the feeling being betrayed by closest friend happens every tuesday for techno

dream mentions being visited by a few people techno asks if any tried not to torture or kill him dream says yeah like he wasnt expecting the question/(as techno put it) "he hesitated"

sapnap - didnt torture or kill him - but he said if dream got out of there, then he would - techno says hes gotta raise his standards

bad - was the best - treated dream the best - techno says hes a cult leader - dream is surprised so techno tells him about the egg - techno wasnt clear - bad hasnt viseted since 4-5 months ago - techno says even he has friends - egg was attacked - big crossover episode not clear what is going on

techno - last time they saw each other was dooms day - been a while - lot has happened - techno doesnt now whats going on currently on the server - he knows nothing - "people" tell him who died and who came back

tubbo - asks about tubbo - tubbo is chillng - snowchester named - commune - a little sus - dictator - no rushing to conclusions - tubbo has nukes - big crater - a hoby - could be meteor

ranboo - asks about ranboo - ranboo is also chilling - brings up tubo's nukes now

dream points out that techno said he didnt know anyting and then said about a new place, nukes, and a lot more dream doesnt know anything - less than techno

ranboo (again) - dream says he used to visit a while ago and then stopped coming - techno asks "ranboo used to visit?" - ranboo visited "a bit" - probably visited the most - sapnap visited - tommy visited a couple of times - bad visited - and quackity - quackity visited the most, only because hes visited daily

more potatos pog potatos

ranboo (x3) - techno asks how dream knows ranboo - "um... its just a.. long story" - techno replies sarcastically about how they dont have any time to go through it, theyre so busy with the bell - dream "i dont know him very well. he just visited a few times and that was it." - techno just repeats alright, its either bored or thinking - dream "and then i havent seen him since then so thats why i was wondering where hes been, if hes been around" - techno " ah... im not sure. i havent been around fpr like the past couple of months, honestly."

techno went on  atraining montage, played golf

dream asks about the plan to get out mining fatigue 3 doesnt mean they cant break blocks, its just approximately 370 times longer breaking obsidian takes a bit over 4 minutes math = obsidian block gone in 25.7 hours. an alarm break in the right spot break block in toilet elder guardian below the cell techno can take him if techno somehow dies dream brings him back could be out in 2 weeks havent been visited for 2 weeks nothing to lose dream has to break obsidian techno wants to end stream techno came up with idea so dream has to do it dream starts bell ringing for cheerng him on techno sounds happy that dream is doing it voices are mentioned - theyre laughing techno has perfect track of time techno is gonna annoy dream the entire time techno is a lookout there are only 4 books we only see the 4th name floof interrupts momentarily tommy killed a cat because dream liked it 300 dogs in the cell joke

channel member bell dream regrets his life again techo's plan? bell was a better investment dream has 10 bells in e chest techno doesnt techno wanted to go for more so techno could ring bell again

end of stream

[spaceysp]

Saying random stuff to feed into the hyperfixations; pick one of these statements to rant about because I wanna read :)) if u want,

How skeppy must feel with everyone meeting up cause BaD JUST COME ON ,

Opinions on bad planning to take skeppy to dinner and all that jazz ,

Skeppys newest video on the skep channel where bad and skeppy are surprisingly sweet to eachother (and how lately in general bad has been less angee with him) ,

Literally the whole discount skeppy situation , bad being literally in love,

Ride with U,,,,,hetero,,,,explanation,,,, anywhere?

ANONNNNN I OWE YOU MY LIFE ILY 

im literally going to talk about all of these so im sorry but read more at your own risk

one: skeppy, i am so sorry a mf does this to you. but seriously, i can only think of a few reasons (that dont sound entirely made for fanfic) that bad keeps putting off meeting skeppy 

1. (the most unlikely) theyve already met and they keep the bit going so the fans dont find out. i can get that they wouldnt want to tell at first because its their own business, but i seriously doubt they would wait very long to confirm it, because ppl honestly can put a lot of pressure and hype on the meetup (esp with skeppy’s “surprise”) so i think theyd release something just so everyone knew that it finally happened! they didnt lie!

2. bad just doesnt want to meet skeppy (actually nvm this is the most unlikely) 

bad seems to be genuinely excited to meet skeppy, even claiming skeppys the one to keep putting it off, not him (which skeppy immediately disproved but) and saying over and over he wants to meet up with him, but always avoiding actually making plans (every single tweet about the meetup) so its clear he does want to meet skeppy eventually, which makes trying to figure out why he wont even harder

3. its not the right time/ waiting for a specific date

leading up to this, i was thinking that there was a pretty good chance theyd meet up on their anniversary, but that never happened rip. the issue is with this is that they guaranteed they would meet up before the end of the year, and at this point theres only one “event” left, but they still dont seem to have any plans to meet. if bad was waiting for the perfect time to do it, why not just tell skeppy to confirm a meetup date? it would get him (and maybe the fans, if they told them) off his back. another variant of this is that there is a set date, but they havent told the public, but again, skeppy seems to be just as much in the dark about this as everyone else

4. health issues 

bads apparently been feeling pretty under the weather lately, with his arm and kidney stones, its very plausible (and reccomended, imo) that bad doesnt want to travel when hes having these problems. of course, skeppy could visit, but he could either not want to spend their time together sick or the plans they have could also be too straining. i think this is probably one of the most likely atm, go see a doctor bbh im begging you

5. bads nervous

this is also one of the more plausible to me. for whatever reason, bads just anxious about it, whether it wont be the same as talking online, or be super awkward or whatever, he could just keep putting it off for that (its still weird and kinda doesnt make sense but in a more realistic way this time)

i know i totally went off track but this brings me to my point, skeppys kinda just waiting for bads confirmation at this point, so seeing his friends have fun meeting up is probably just lowkey depressing and i could see him using it as more the reason they should meet up. really the only thing he can do in this situation(at least, as far as i can tell) is what he has been doing, annoy bad about it or he take advantage of bads jealousy and meet up with someone else. the other option is to randomly come to his house, but it doesnt seem like skeppy is gonna do that, maybe to respect his boundaries? if he was planning on it i think he wouldve done it by now

OKAY NUMBER TWO LETS GO

this kinda ties into my point in the “reasons why bad wont meet skeppy” thing, that bad seems really excited to meet him yet still wont?? its clear he really values any time spent with skeppy, but he also make sure skeppys having a good time too! that why he never does any actual work with skeppy around (i.e. building statues or gathering materials for such), he knows its boring so instead theyll wander around the server telling stupid stories or punching each other off stairs for 20 minutes. im sure itll be the same irl, he mentioned wanting to meet somewhere like a nature reserve or amusement park, probably to make sure theres never a dull moment or time wasted. dinner seems much more low-key, and i wouldnt be surprised if bad just wanted to have an excuse to try and impress him with a nice totally-platonic date

NUMbeR tHree *airhorns* 

they really do be the best of friends! ive noticed that skeppys def been trying to halt arguments fairly quickly now, saying a lot to appease bad and move on, and while bad seems to like to start fights for fun, hes also been a lot more chill lately, im guessing because hes been oh-so desperately missing skeppy and big s was also in Baby mode (aka if bad disagreed with him hed probably just cry until he got his way((sand))) i think that vid just showed them being a lot more natural and happy to talk (plus bad usually is more argumentative when theyre competing, while in that vid they were either just hanging out or working towards a common goal) 

n u m b e r f o u r 

where to even BEGIN with discount skeppy. well, bad actually first came up this idea a few months ago, in either july or august on an idots smp stream when he crafted an ‘artificial skeppy’ in his snack shack that he could talk to whenever skeppy was gone. as we all know idots smp is now rip, but the idea of replacement skeppys remained, just this time they can talk and also ship skephalo. it actually seemed like more of puffys idea at first when she put on skeppys skin as a joke, which bad didnt like the first few times, but when she brought it up again he actually requested it (missing skeppy brainrot 🤔?) this could be either cuz bad wanted to bait some shippers so gave in or he thought it was a pretty funny bit so went along with it (or he actually missed skeppy that much.. surely not ??) either way i think we can agree puffy is not only a comedic genius but a top tier friend and slight wingman, and getting some good jealous skeppy content out of it is also top tier. in conclusion, love and appreciate discount skeppy, badboyhalo has only skeppy on his brain and his friends have to deal with that, hoes (skeppy) mad even though the whole bit is how much bbh is into him

NUMBER FIVE im really doing all of them

What, can be said, about ride with u. GODDAMN. im not tryna insinuate anything, but if someone told me that song reminded them of me i would have no choice but to marry them immediately. i really really want someone to ask bad what songs remind him of any of his other friends (dream, sapnap, george, ant, puffy, etc.) because there are three options

1. theyre just cool platonic friend songs and bad is just in love with skeppy

2. he cant think of any songs for them and bad is just In Love with skeppy

3. they have equal romantic undertones and bad is just Like That with his friends (even so i bet people would be picking out the most minute differences between the songs that make one more.. You Know than the other) 

i know FOR SURe that if i was in bads position (where even the person who made the lyric video assumed they were gay in love) i wouldve curled into a ball and never made another public appearance again, but he really owned that shit, singing it and making unprompted references to it (”i already have a bonnie” YOU AINT SLICK SIR WTF) 

i just wanna know if skeppys listened to it (i mean, hes surely at least heard of it, i know he wouldve seen it all over his timeline) and what he thonks about it. pls tell us big s do you also feel the love in this chilis tonight (ALSO when is someone gonna ask skeppy what song reminds him of bad. im waiting ((hed probably say something like a faster remix or something equally memey (((unless???)))

ANYWAY SORRY FOR MAKING YOU READ ALL OF THAT HOLY SHIT i dont wanna reread this to check for errors so it might be incoherent but again ty for letting me infodump about this it was super fun im in love with you anon

[kayl096]

So I've come to some realizations. And also still am confused about a lot. But anyways I'm going to share here because i dont really have anywhere else to.

I identify as androgyne. A lot of people have known me to be a transman so let me explain a bit. I'll try to keep organized but no promises.

I did really believe that i was a transman. It seemed to be the most fitting by definition and experience to describe what i feel and was actually something i could better explain to people.

Realistically though I've always felt this confusion within me of neutrality but also leaning way more masculine. I was often conflicted when seeing myself in the mirror, getting ready, introducing myself, presenting myself online or irl. I held a confusion for a long time of "Am i a very masculine girl or a feminine guy?" And for years drew a blank. It was pretty much with me my entire life as soon as i had any sense of self and a realization that i was different than the kids in school. People on the regular were coming over to me and asking if i was a boy or girl and i never really knew what to say.

The older i got the harder it got. It really got me one day when getting ready for school and realizing i was trying to look handsome not pretty. I was about 13 maybe.

I began openly identifying as queer/androgynous. It was the most comfortable i had ever been with myself. That lasted for a couple years.

Ever sense puberty started giving me a chest, i had wanted it to go away so badly. I was practicing "binding" in so many ways before i even knew what that meant. And this discomfort persisted even when at my most comfortable time of self expression.

At around age 15/16 i learned about transmen. I learned what it meant to transition, i learned about top surgery, i read and listened to stories i could relate to. I thought oh my gosh this is it! This is why i am the way i am! I came out as a transman.

At 18 i was able to start hormones and at 20 had top surgery.

I enjoyed certain changes from T and didnt like some as much that became more apparent as time went on. After a while i began questioning myself because i realized i didnt actually want to be an actual man. The choices i made for myself did alleviate dysphoria but there was a stopping point. I didnt want to go any further.

I found myself back in that neutral place. If i am not trans why would doing this help? If i was cis i wouldnt be so thankful for what transitioning did do to help me.

I came to the conclusion i am just very androgynous more masculine leaning. I did have dysphoria and i did what was necessary to help it. I transitioned to an androgynous body because that's who i am. But also realistically apart from my chest i never really hated my body and probably could've done without T except i was glad to not have such a squeaky voice and also look fit bc of body fat redistribution and the abiltiy to gain muscle easier.

Im trying to accept that and trying to figure out which pronouns to use but they all feel weird at this point.

And of course ive also been told i cant experience dysphoria without being binary trans. And i thought that too because it makes a lot more sense and would be a lot easier for me to be. But im just, not. I know what i feel and it's a feeling I've had for as long as i remember.

I havent told many people in my life because well, it's hard to explain and its not like a whole lot is gonna change so unless i decide strictly on 1 set of pronouns, i dont think I'll mention it to my fam. Im still me, i still wear mens clothing as always, and they went through a lot w me over all this already.

Right now i try to take every pronoun used by strangers as neutral. Theyre just words. And on a daily at work i get mixed pronouns so maybe hearing people say different things will help me figure out what's most comfortable.

[astratic]

2 jongeorgie and/or 3 martin ?

hello i had a bunch of dumb shit happen last night and then when i got home i literally passed out in the middle of typing this anyway jongeorgie:

When I started shipping them: uhhh i dont really remember.... i know it was after she got upset and Left Dramatically from the hospital which is pretty funny in retrospect. i just got to thinking about them and how much stuff georgie put up with and how she kept coming to see him in the hospital for Six Months and god she really cares about him.... oh no...... they care so much for each other............. now this ship owns my ass

My thoughts: well i just did this one basically cuz i cant read but like. god the way they talk to each other is so comfortable like georgie lets jon have it when hes being a dick the way i always WISH martin would but shes also. so concerned. she loves him????? thats why she tells him like it is like that. theres not any room for beating around the bush when youve already dated and broken up and then he shows up on your doorstep on the run from a murder charge and you cover for him with the police while hes sleeping

What makes me happy about them: the scene where jon makes fun of the guy she has a date with..... its so fucking cute. also the headcanons that they adopted the admiral together when they were dating.... also just. the fact that jon has a hard time getting along with literally everybody???? but with georgie it is so effortless. like they hadnt talked in years apparently and he just showed up at her house and asked to stay with her and they fell back into that easy friendship just like that.

What makes me sad about them: I Miss Georgie....... bring her back. also when jon wakes up and shes kind of horrified at how immediately ok he is and he gets???? upset?????? georgie why arent you happy im ok???????? sadjfhkasjhdfhasjd

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: WHAT FANFIC LMAO. man i guess this would be the fact that almost all of them in the ao3 tag are like “this is a jm fic with passing mentions of past jongeorgie but im gonna tag it for some reason” like. dude. you dont have to put that in the tag

Things I look for in fanfic: honestly. i want endless soft domestic shit. also processing trauma and mental illness. i have a ton of feelings about georgie and mental illness and i feel like theres no fan content that like delves into that even tho its a huge part of her backstory. georgie is a recovery icon!!! i also love references to College Shenanigans..... i LOVE the dynamic of these 2 characters were close when they were younger and have recently reconnected...... i havent actually tried to write college era fic cuz i feel like jon is so shaped by being the archivist that i wouldnt even know what he would be like without that aspect. i mean obv part of the point is that it was always inside him but. hm

My wishlist: not totally sure what this means... is it things i want them to do? i want them to meet up and talk out their shit. also kiss

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: lol i dont think anyone is gonna “end up with” anyone in tma if im being totally honest. like atm my money is on jon dying in the conclusion of season 5 actually SO LIKE. take it with a grain of salt i guess! georgie/melanie is cute..... thats kind of the only other option cuz she does not know anybody else. i have this weird dream of georgie and gerry becoming friends tho..... i think theyd like each other. id be cool with jon and martin getting together but ONLY if they worked out their shit first and built a friendship based on respect. we have Been over my jm issues lmao

My happily ever after for them: this is a cursed question when applied to tma............. in my head i have this fantasy where jon goes to therapy and moves back in with her and they get back together after handwaving about it for Many Months...... because evidently the only thing between them that bears beating around the bush is their actual relationship

martin!!!!! my boy

How I feel about this character: I LOVE HIM also i identify with him very heavily. i think martin is gay and trans and probably has a tumblr where he reblogs like, pics of cute spiders and crochet stuff and trans resource posts.

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: mostly tim, but i could get behind jm, like i said, if they worked out some stuff. honestly theres not rly a plausible ship that i think is truly good enough for him kgydytfouygutfyrf

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: gonna say sasha cuz i miss her and also that line she has saying she didnt think jane prentiss could be all that dangerous cuz martin survived and martins a reckless idiot always sticks in my head. what did martin do to give her this impression???? at that point the archive was still basically an office job.

My unpopular opinion about this character: the way fandom characterizes him as like a soft babey who just makes tea and pines after jon is sooooo annoying to me and i honestly feel like martin would find it annoying too. martins like? a badass??? and rude. hes like, pretty mean sometimes. and brave. martin is SO BRAVE despite being so nervous and despite the way the other characters treat him as a wimp like. this man has a will of iron when you get down to it. he faced down elias and came out on top. he jumped headfirst into the lonely because he needed to protect his friends.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: i want him to be ANGRY at jon. jon treats him so badly and seems to be finally ready to rectify this but martin is too busy being a fucking hero for them to have the chance to work out their shit. i REALLY want martin to knock jon down off the pedestal hes put him on and then finally look him in the eyes from even footing.

Favorite friendship for this character: this is not like canon but i really want martin and georgie to be friends lmao i think it would be so cute. martin would be determined to hate her at first but would come around because georgie is wonderful and hes not unreasonable... 

My crossover ship: martin blackwood x happiness

[feynavaley]

What really bothers me about the way we as italians approach writing is that we don't forgive any type of errors. No matter how small or big they are, they are unforgivable. Also repeating any world more than one (1) time in a sentence is considered an error (sometimes is also considered inappropriate to use the same word twice in two near sentences too) or so my teacher taught me. English writing is far more permitting in this regard

I see what you mean here, but I actually have conflicting feelings about this.

I mean… I understand a couple of typos if you’re writing something like a fic, without an editor or anything, I would personally point them out so the writer could correct them but I wouldn’t think any less of their writing because of that. When it comes to professional writing, however… yikes. I agree that professional writing should be completely free of mistakes – also because it’s not that hard, in Italian. As I’ve said, I haven’t seen a red strike for a grammar mistake in my schoolwork since I was 11 (first year of middle school). So, it’s perfectly doable, if you just pay a bit of attention.

But, the problem here actually resides in our school system, because nowadays, everybody is more focused on being innovative than actually teaching,  otherwise, the children will be bored. The thing is – studying grammar is a boring and tedious work, and it also requires some effort from the child, but it’s fundamental, in my opinion. However, in the last few years requiring any kind of hard work from children (and students in general) has become almost a taboo, you cannot even flunk children anymore, no matter their grades and how much they did or didn’t apply themselves, and this has ended up truly lowering the instruction level in general, that used to be excellent in Italy, and in particular, people’s usage of grammar. (of course, this isn’t so black and white, it’s actually a nuanced issue as you have to take into account different kind of special needs children – but, believe me when I say that Italy truly went overboard with this. My mother is a teacher and my father has some teaching hours as well, I know what I’m talking about.) Anyway, the conclusion of this rant is: I don’t think that Italians are too stuck-up with grammar, I think that this is the right approach – however, you have to give people the right instruments to properly learn grammar, which is getting more and more uncommon, and you also have to tailor your approach to the context – an internet forum is completely different from a professional setting. But, if you’re talking about school, I think that teachers are right in not tolerating even a single mistake as their job is to teach you to write using correct Italian – and this includes grammar, too.

Back to your question, you’re actually conflating two different issues here: grammar and style. While grammar is completely objective, the style is more of a grey area, and there are probably some people who are too rigid about it. However, the example you mentioned is actually quite a fair advice, in general? Of course, it depends on the specific context, but, as far as I know, repeating the same word within a single sentence is frowned upon in English, as well? At least, it sounds quite awkward, unless it’s a specific stylistic choice, but you can usually recognize it when it is.

Anyway, I’m not sure if English is actually more permissive in general (spelling aside, that, as I’ve already mentioned, is a different issue as it’s much harder than the Italian spelling) or if the general level is simply lower than it is in Italian. And honestly, if it were the second case, I’m not really sure that I would call it positive…

[vamytas]

18th May ‘94

     Molly,

Thanks for your exhibition prints. I’ve sold a few off the counter, the deer ones are popular. Still find it funny that people opt for the cuter kind, even if the forest frolickers are dead, although when one woman came in to buy a wallet for her husband and I told her the deer was a taxidermy she didn’t seem as eager to look around much more! Shame, that. Tried to tell her half the cost went to the RSPCA but she didn’t buy it. I’ll see if Alex wants one. Have you sent some to Tommy? He’d like the mouse driving the car (that’s him, right...?)

I would say ‘same old’ here if it was true but it’s not. The bloke I work with, Rob, the one who thought it would be a grand idea to throw Alex’s surprise birthday bash, he hasn’t shown up for work in a couple days and he won’t pick up his phone. I could joke that it was Alex’s doing but at this point with the way he’s become such a recluse I wouldn’t put it past him. Maybe they eloped? Not that they have any reason to, didn’t catch on to anything like that. Not that you’d care, obviously (ha ha). I shouldn’t joke about it, though. Rob’s somewhere we don’t know...or at least I don’t know. Thank god Alex is responding even if it’s minimal. I asked him if he knew anything and  he said he didn’t. At the moment it’s a mystery to us but I’m not sure if Rob’s family have managed to get in contact, or if he has any family to worry over him, there’s a lot of characters like that around here.

Don’t be a stranger, even if you have all the critics climbing all over eachother just to glance at your face. Are you really going to try and pull the Banksy thing?

    Much love,

    Seb

P.S. Have you installed your dial-up yet? Data’s quicker to send than paper.

21 May 1994

To: MissMolly

From: S.M.

Subj: Beep, beep ... nnNNRRHH

Happy to see you’ve joined the legion of the world wide web! I know a lot of people complain about the noise but it doesn’t sound much different to what we used to listen to. You haven’t sold your original 20 Jazz Funk Greats, have you? Not sure it would even rake in much with what we drew all over the back, unless you or Alex get put in the Tate. With the way you’re going I wouldn’t say it’s a far way off! Also need more of those prints! Running low. You’re a popular girl here :) -- that’s called a smiley.

As for the Earnshaw Update: he’s as much a hermit as your sister used to be when she started getting into The Cure. I don’t know what instigated it but he’s only been reachable by phone since his birthday, and only at night. I’ve tried dropping in but his door’s been shut tight and I don’t know where he keeps the emergency key. You should try talking to him (I can resend his address if you’ve lost it, he hasn’t got internet yet). That’s if I can’t tide him over by telling him you’ve got a gift, next time he picks up... if he does. Sorry, that sounds very doom and gloom. I really am worried about him, if only because he hasn’t been in this kind of stasis since... well.

Please get back to me as soon as you can.

Much love,

Seb

23 May 1994

To: MissMolly

From: S.M.

Subj: He’s alive!

Did you send that print to him? I came by his place tonight and he answered after the first knock! Smiling as ever. He felt colder than a Yorkshire winter, though, and pale. I told him I could help with the gas bill if he needed it but he waved me off. We went out to one of those clubs where everyone is in fishnets and knock-off McQueen, which is nothing new, but they were playing that new MTV gothic stuff, the kind he said he hated -- could be broadening his horizons. I lost him for a bit but he found his way back, he’s somehow easy to distinguish from the crowd now (for me that is, imagine it’s always been the case with you, ha ha!)

He also told me that Rob went on a spontaneous break to Rome. Rob in Rome! And that I’d be getting a “confirmation of assumin’ such responsibilties required of a leather shoppe owner, as well as the salary”. Alex and him were closer than I thought.

It’s all looking up here. What’s happening with you? Apart from the Guardian editorial, you don’t tell me much apart from work!

Much love,

Seb

27 May 1994

To: MissMolly

From: S.M.

Subj: Concerned again.

I don’t mean to ignore the other topics covered in our ditties but Al has gone Weird. I know he always has been, in that ‘cool cousin’ kind of way but now he’s just... I don’t know. He’s practically nocturnal. There’s more and more stuff popping up in his wardrobe that he used to say was a ‘fuckin’ disgrace of shite taste’ -- the chokers! There must be about ten discarded around his whole place. I’ve seen some of his paintings too and they’re dark, as in David Lynch meets Goya’s black paintings, I mean they’re good -- really good -- but it just seems excessive.

Worst of all, he keeps mentioning Ricky. Since the accident he’s been fairly healthy with talking about it but now it seems like he’s got this growing obsession with ‘what it all meant, his death’, I don’t even know what Alex meant by that.Then he’ll ask me where I think Ricky is now and honestly I don’t know, I don’t like to think about it. I just keep saying ‘somewhere warm’  because it seems like Alex needs the comfort. I don’t know if what happened to Ricky got to him more than he let on before, or if he was too preoccupied at the time with making sure I didn’t do anything drastic. Was I that needy?

I don’t know anymore. I don’t know what to suggest either. Sorry to end on such a downer of a note.

Love,

Seb 

1 June 1994 

To: MissMolly

From: S.M.

Subj: Dire.

I don’t know him anymore, Molly. When we don’t go out he just wants to talk about Ricky with me, like I’m a proxy for some kind of loss he’s going through. But I don’t know what loss that is -- you? It’s the only comparison I can think of. I feel like the kid stuck between two divorced parents with you two sometimes. Except he avoids talking about you all together and if I do bring you up, like how you were moving back to London, he just looks down, rubs his beard... a new habit. 

(Beard, yeah. I forgot to tell you because it was a really gradual transition at the time that I didn’t notice, but he has this Jesus thing going for him. Before, I didn’t think much of it but now it’s like an inherent look he should have been born with, innate? I could never imagine him looking like it but now it’s hard to imagine him looking any different.)

Anyway, beards aside. He’s getting... creepy. When we’re not drinking he just wants to postulate on death and ‘what comes after’, he’s a right fucking misery to be around. Although I haven’t seen him drink much at all, do you think he’s on drugs or something? It’s the only conclusion I can come up with, and I don’t have anyone else to ask about this because they’re all in the same scene he is.

Please reply soon.

Seb

2 June 1994

To: MissMolly

From: S.M.

Subj: -

Okay there are some things I’ve witheld for a long time because I didn’t want to cause you any unnecessary pain. As much as I know you say you’re fine it’s never a gift to hear these things but I feel it has a lot to do with how Alex is now.

After we moved to SF he started seeing this woman who I didn’t see much of myself,,  she set me on edge but I can understand how he was drawn to her because I think it was mainly a sex thing to get over you. I told yu before that he was a catastrophic mess after you left and things got better but when I say catastrophic mess I really mean it, I won’t state examples because I dont mean to make you feel guilty Molly but it’s the truth and I don’t know what to do anymore.

I didnt want to make uyo worry  because i know you;re already dealing with enough already, and i didnt want this matter in particular to be especially distressing for you. But I think alex and this woman were into heavy stuff  - not drugs but maybe that too. We went out while he was with this girl, in January, I think? it was to one of those fetish clubs, wasn’t my thing. But he left me there alone without telling me he was leaving, hhe left with the girl and didn’t even leave me  a voicemail. I got home fine, couldn’t sleep though. But then  I went over to check on him in the morning and his back was covered in gashes and blood. he didnt wake up but he was breathing. i didn’t know what to do,  i pretended i never walked in and he called me soon after to apologise for the night but i  wouldnt say anything about his back because i thought it was a bdsm thing but with the way hes acting now i dont know if he was being abused? I dont know the telltale signs, just that he’d follow this woman around like she had him on a leash.

There are still parts of him I recognise but there’s something about him which feels out of touch, like he’s not the same person but trying to be.  I dont know how to put it, maybe I’ve been away from someone who can actually talk about these problems for too long

The thing is I havent seen him with this woman in a while, since his birthday I’d say. Despite it he seems a lot happier now than when he was with her (apart from the Ricky fixation) but he’s gone full blown Byronic Bohemian.  He’s invited me out almost every day in the past week and since this was an improvement from locking himself inside, I tried to go as much as I could. Each time I’d lose him for a while because he’d gone off with a girl . He thinks he’s being discreet but I’m not much of a dancer for these places so all there’s left to do is watch. Sometimes he goes home with them and offers to pay me for a taxi, which is a step up from leaving me stranded, I’ll give him that.

I know I shouldn’t have but I looked through his art yesterday (his emergency key is in a broken light on a wall outside his door), not his stuff under the bed but in his wardrobe. There’s five entire sketchbooks of you, some of the drawings are so beautiful, he still remembers how you look exactly but in others they just seem... off? Not that they don’t look like you because they do, even if it’s a few strokes, but for someone who knows you they just look like he;s trying to put through what he is now onto you?  I don’t know. that doesnt make sense.Then there are some Ricky drawings in there too but  I don’t want to talk about them.  he writes stuff around you and Ricky, dates and places and random lines like ‘snake chokes on its own tail’ and ‘saw him around Seb’s’.  I  think he’s scared of losing parts of himself and not being able to get them back.

Please talk to him  Molly , you know his number and email . I know you think you’ll do him more harm than good but I don’t know what to say, if I point out how he’s acting weird he just resorts to deflective humour ‘it’s all part of being a la Americana now’. But I’m worried if I push it he’ll get angry. Sometimes I don’t feel safe with him and I don’t know why. Please reach him, I miss him, nothing’s right with Alex like this. I’m getting homesick because there’s nothing here that seems real anymore, everything feels like I’m watching it through a TV screen and it’s muted, or the music’s too loud to hear what people are really saying. I don’t want to leave Alex alone but I feel like I’m in a coma here.

Do you think I could stay with you for a while?

Love always,

Seb

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS - CHRISTMAS SPECIAL: 9th December 2018

Geez, today was a busy week. Before we talk about the top 10, however, let’s just get the massive elephants out of the way.

CHRISTMAS NONSENSE

It’s the festive season and one way people celebrate the holidays is by listening to its music – usually, Christmas music, of course, and since I review all returning entries that I haven’t talked about yet, sigh... There are seven of these so I’m going to go as quick as possible, but just bear with me throughout this section because I really don’t like Christmas music all that much. Let’s just get it over with.

#39 – “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” – Brenda Lee

This is “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”, a song written by Johnny Marks and released in 1958 in the US, being left on the shelf for four years until its release in the UK in 1962. In 1963, it peaked at number-six and has since re-entered due to digital downloads, with one of its highest recent peaks being number-seven last year. It’s pretty inoffensive rockabilly, with some nice very-50s guitar licks coming in throughout, and some decently-sounding production, but really it’s not anything of internet until that sax solo. That solo is freaking gorgeous, and I’m glad it’s there, because otherwise this would just kind of fall to the wayside. Not sure I like Lee’s voice on here, it comes off as a bit nasal, but it’s not a big deal. It’s alright, I guess. I expected to say RIP here since she was popular such a long time ago, but no, she’s still alive and kicking. Good for her.

#36 – “Merry Christmas Everyone” – Shakin’ Stevens

Now this is where it all breaks down into dread. This song by Shakin’ Stevens is Godawful, mostly because of how painfully manufactured the whole thing is. It’s overproduced Christmas music that is just jolly feelings and nothing else. Those horns that kick in after the first verse are pretty cool, but Stevens doesn’t sound great here – or at least I can’t tell because he’s drowned in reverb – and the choir might as well be a computer for all I care. Also, the sax solo was cool the first time in Brenda Lee’s track, but here it’s just trite, especially when you add those shooby-doo-wops over it. This track was initially the Christmas number-one for 1985, and I understand why, but does it really have to come back every year since 2007 – for over 60 weeks in total? Oh, it peaked last year at #10 too. Let’s hope this upwards trend doesn’t continue.

#35 – “Santa Tell Me” – Ariana Grande

Now for a more recent one from arguably the biggest popstar in the world right now, with her 2014 song that actually failed to chart in the Top 40 initially until last year at #29, and that’s its peak so far... whilst I’ve never been a fan of the cleaner, refined Ariana Grande records, I do have a soft spot for this one. That melody is infectious and the sleigh bells complement the synth bass in a way I didn’t think they would, and it’s not like the drums are all that overpowering here, although a trap skitter would have worked better here (yeah, I know, not something I say often). It’s surprisingly romantic and sensual for a song with Santa in the title, actually, although it’s about men who have wronged her. Anyway, Ariana kills it but what else do you expect from a song from her at this point? It’s a good track, although the final chorus with the choir is really cluttered, just saying, it’s messy.

#30 – “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” – Michael Bublé

This here is Michael Bublé’s cover of traditional Christmas classic written in 1951 by Meredith Wilson, and it’s not great. Obviously, I mean, it’s Michael Bublé, ever since “Haven’t Met You Yet” he’s been utterly useless seasonal radio fodder. Bublé never really sounds bad but he never sounds interesting, and this production isn’t doing him any favours. It’s sickly sweet strings and brass for the most part, with some piano added in there for good measure, after what seems to be way too long of just airy synth, string and guitar noise – that’s really out of place, guys, why is this on the single edit? Ah, what else to say? Oh, right, nothing.

#26 – “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” – Band Aid

Oh, I know it’s Christmas time, alright, this song won’t let me forget it. I could ramble on about how preachy and awful this charity single is but other people have done it better. I just have four short things to say – 1.) this was the most popular song in the UK of the entire 80s. Yikes. 2.) This is the worst thing the Boomtown Rats have had any involvement in. They’re such a great band, hell so are Culture Club. How do Boy George, the Boomtown Rats, Ultravox, Phil Collins, U2, Kool & the Gang, Sting and Duran Duran make something this awful? They’re all absolutely fantastic musicians in their own right. 3.) That synth that kicks in after a while is pretty ugly, not gonna lie, and is unfitting for the condescending Christmas charity single angle they’re going for here – mostly because that’s what it really is. 4.) We’ve remade and reissued and re-entered this song too many times. Let it go, Britain. Please. We’re begging you. It’s for a good cause, and I appreciate how much money it’s raised, but it’s also garbage.

#18 – “Fairytale of New York” – The Pogues featuring Kirsty MacColl

They use the word because it was the 80s, it’s not meant to mean homosexual and it’s not used in that context – albeit still a negative one – and the climate of Ireland, especially the Celtic punk scene, wasn’t exactly going to care about dropping that slur in their Christmas single. It should still be censored, though, I mean, black rappers saying the N-word is morally okay, but we still mute those, right? Anyway, this is one of the best songs I’ve ever heard. It starts with a beautifully elegant piano melody, with the lead singer of the Pogues, Shane MacGowan, mumbling his way through his verse, but instead of people like Future or Lil Baby, there’s still a lot of sincerity there, I feel, and a lot of soul is put into expressing the lyrics here in the raspy tone that I absolutely love. I’m not going to talk much about the story here mostly because I’m not going to go in-depth, but it’s about a typical love story going awry at some point due to a betrayal. Oh, and the moment the Celtic traditional instruments come in is one of the best moments in music – ever. Kirsty MacColl sounds so lovely here, and the harmonisations in the chorus are fantastic. That flute solo is gorgeous, and the juxtaposition between “you’re a bum, you’re a punk, you’re an old s--- on junk, lying there almost dead as a drip on that bed” and the cheerful instrumental is just hilarious to me, especially since right after “Happy Christmas your a---, I thank God it’s our last” is immediately followed by the bombastic drunk sing-a-long chorus. The third verse is also such a great back-and-forth, man, I can’t even bring to words how much I admire and adore this piece of music. This is the best song I think I’ve ever talked about on this show, by far, but it could have easily not been close if “2000 Miles” by the Pretenders returned this week. We’ll just hope for next week, I guess. Rest in peace to Kirsty MacColl, gone much too young.

#14 – “Last Christmas” – WHAM!

Finally, we have our last Christmas song for this week’s holiday REVIEWING THE CHARTS special. It’s an anti-climactic end, to be honest, because I’m pretty indifferent to this song. It’s pretty 80s, to be fair, so I’ve got to like some of the cheesy falsetto vocalisations from the late George Michael at the start, as well as those repetitive synths that keep themselves from sounding awful by having those sleigh bells and pretty damn nice keys covering them. That chorus is iconic, but the rest of the lyrics are just forgettable. Honestly, it’s a good background song and it’s a well-written, catchy pop track with Michael putting in some good vocals throughout, but, it’s nothing special. Nothing but respect to George Michael, though, rest in peace, he’s a pop legend over here.

Christmas Conclusion

The best Christmas song on the charts right now is easily “Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues and Kirsty MacColl, but an Honourable Mention goes to Mariah Carey for “All I Want for Christmas is You”. Yup, that’s still here, we’ll get to that in a second. Worst of the Week goes to Band Aid for “Do They Know it’s Christmas?” You should be ashamed, Bob. Dishonourable Mention is going to Shakin’ Stevens for “Merry Christmas Everyone”. Other Christmas songs you should check out are “Christmas in Harlem” by Kanye West, Teyana Taylor and CyHi tha Prynce featuring Musiq Soulchild (heck, check out the longer version if you wish), “2000 Miles” by the Pretenders, “Stop the Cavalry” by Jona Lewie, “Christmas Lights” by Coldplay, “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” by Tyler, the Creator and “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” by DMX. Yes, those last two actually exist. Now, this Christmas section has taken longer and is longer to read than about half of my normal episodes, so I think we should get straight into...

Top 10

Well, this all feels a bit more familiar. “thank u, next” by Ariana Grande is still at the top of the charts five weeks in, and it doesn’t really seem to have much competition.

Ava Max, however, is making a surprise run for the top, up four spots to number-two, with “Sweet but Psycho”. I wouldn’t exactly be complaining if this hit the top either.

“Without Me” by Halsey is up a spot to number-three.

We have a new entry from the most recent X Factor winner, Dalton Harris, with a cover of Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s Christmas classic “The Power of Love”, featuring James Arthur. I guess awful Christmas songs aren’t going away for that long, huh? Obviously this is Dalton’s first top 10, and Arthur’s fifth.

“Thursday” by Jess Glynne is down two spaces to number-three.

Up a whopping 28 spaces this week to number-six is, you guessed it, Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You”. This isn’t its first top 10 turn, and it’s not its peak, but still impressive to reach here nonetheless.

This means “Woman Like Me” by Little Mix featuring Nicki Minaj is down five spaces to number-seven.

“Rewrite the Stars” by James Arthur and Anne-Marie has actually gained nine spaces, surprisingly, and to my dismay, to number-eight, becoming Arthur’s sixth and Anne-Marie’s fifth.

Oh, and if you wanted even worse news, up an even larger 29 spaces is “KIKA” by 6ix9ine featuring Tory Lanez, becoming both their first (and hopefully for 6ix9ine, only) top 10 hit at number-nine. I like the song, but I don’t like Tekashi, to say the least.

We have another new entry at #10 this week with “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” by Mark Ronson featuring Miley Cyrus. This is Ronson’s sixth top 10 hit and Cyrus’ fourth (yeah, I thought she had more too).

Now, instead of separating what happened on the charts into Dropouts, Climbers, Returning Entries, Fallers and such, let’s separate into two sections: “What Survived” and “What Suffered”.

What Survived

What survived means essentially everything that still managed to chart this week, and I’m actually surprised by how much power some of these songs have. Going in reverse order, I have no idea how “Arms Around You” by XXXTENTACION, Lil Pump, Swae Lee and Maluma managed to cling on despite a 17-space fall to #40. “Promises” by Calvin Harris and Sam Smith is down 16 to #38, “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong is down four to #37, “Empty Space” by James Arthur is down 10 to #34 (why did James Arthur of all people have the strength to stay during the avalanche?), “Hold My Girl” by George Ezra is down eight to #33, “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper is down 27 to #32 (considering both streaming cuts and Christmas bloodbath), “Leave a Light On” by Tom Walker has returned to #31 for some reason, “when the party’s over” by Billie Eilish is down seven to #28 (again, surprised this one’s still here), “Taki Taki” by DJ Snake, Ozuna, Cardi B and Selena Gomez is down eight to #27, “1999” by Charli XCX and Troye Sivan is down 11 to #24, “Polaroid” by James Blue, Liam Payne and Lennon Stella is down 11 to #23, “Let You Love Me” by Rita Ora is down eight to #22, “Better” by Khalid is down five to #20, “Sunflower” by Post Malone and Swae Lee is down seven to #16, as is “ZEZE” by Kodak Black featuring Travis Scott and Offset right next to it at #15, “Funky Friday” by Dave and Fredo is down five to #12, and everything else that’s currently charting is either simply not notable (a drop or climb less than four spaces), in the top 10, a new arrival, a Christmas re-entry or in the top 10. Jesus. Now, what’s gone?

What Suffered

This is a little nicer name for what’s dropped out in the absolute onslaught of Christmas music and new arrivals (all returning and new entries this week total to 12 songs that weren’t on the chart before). This week was an absolute bloodbath, and these are the murder victims. Former #1 “Shotgun” by George Ezra is out from #30, “Advice” by Cadet and Deno Driz is out from #28, “AirForce” by Digdat is out from the #20 debut, “Mo Bamba” by Sheck Wes is out prematurely from #27, “This is Me” by Keala Settle and the Greatest Showman Ensemble is out again from #36, another former #1 “Eastside” by benny blanco, Halsey and Khalid is out from #31, “Happier” by Marshmello and Bastille is out from #32, “I Found You” by benny blanco and Calvin Harris is out from #29, “MIA” by Bad Bunny featuring Drake is out from #35, “Always Remember Us this Way” by Lady Gaga is out from #39, “Goodbye” by Jason Derulo and David Guetta featuring Nicki Minaj and Willy William is out from #40 and finally, “Back and Forth” by MK, Jonas Blue and Becky Hill is out from #37. I’d say it’s time to move onto the New Arrivals – but before, I’d like to say that the BBC redesigned their UK Top 40 page, and it looks pretty cool. Anyways:

NEW ARRIVALS

#29 – “MAMA” – 6ix9ine featuring Kanye West and Nicki Minaj

Of course, DUMMY BOY only had a stunted tracking week last week, so we have the effects of the album this week. This is 6ix9ine’s third top 40 hit in the UK, Nicki Minaj’s thirty-seventh (yeah, I know, it’s insane), and Ye’s even crazier forty-third, and to be honest, it’s inoffensive, which is something I’d never thought I’d say about a 6ix9ine song, but, hey, it is what it is. Murda Beatz’s production is pretty cool for what it is, and I do like the eerie synth loop. 6ix9ine’s delivery is lazy and boring – and I still think we shouldn’t let rappers say they kick women out of doors – but he doesn’t last long so when Kanye comes in with that “man, oh my God” refrain it gets so much better. I’m so used to Kanye West’s pop-culture rambling, social media criticism/obsession, somehow relating to women nonsense he brings to nearly every single verse he does recently that I’m used to it, it’s just something I’ve heard before delivered relatively comedically. Nicki’s refrain and verse actually has some work put into it, unlike the dudes’ bars, so yeah, I appreciate that, although her delivery and cadence is exhaustingly blunt and straightforward, to the point where it’s just kind of tiring. There’s some decent wordplay there, I guess. This is okay enough, and pretty much top-tier Tekashi to be honest. “KANGA” also featuring Ye is even better, though.

#17 – “Going Bad” – Meek Mill featuring Drake

Meek Mill and Drake working together is something I expected to happen anyway. Meek and Drake have seemingly squashed their beef and have relaxed after the “Back to Back” situation and their popular 2015/2016 beef that revealed a lot about Drake, specifically his ghostwriting from Quentin Miller, and eventually stressed Meek’s relationship with Nicki enough for them to break up as a result. Oh, and you better believe they mention “back to back” because of course they do, it’s the only funny wordplay they can conjure up, apparently. This is Meek Mill’s first ever top 40 hit in the UK (congratulations) and in stark contrast, Drake’s forty-fifth (yes, even more than Kanye), and his thirteenth just this year (probably and hopefully his last), and it’s mediocre. I didn’t know what to expect because I’ve never really cared enough about Meek to listen to him, but an out-of-tune piano absolutely demolished by some bass while Drake spouts off with stuff like “I got more slaps than the Beatles” isn’t exactly the best first impression. Is there a chorus here, or not? I can’t tell, everything’s just kind of the same until the ad-lib break that’s long enough for Genius to count it as an entirely different section of the song than in Meek’s verse. It was “Interlude” when I looked but it might be “Post-Chorus” now. Yeah, it should be clear I don’t care enough about this song. I do like Drake’s delivery in the hook, though, it’s pretty energetic, but not enough to save it.

#10 – “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart” – Mark Ronson featuring Miley Cyrus

So, yeah, I like this. It starts with some beautiful strings right before Miley Cyrus fades in with her country twang that I’m starting to really appreciate, and those guitars come in to complement her and the deeper bass that I like the addition of, it really contrasts the otherwise pretty light production, that seems to be dramatic but kind of unfitting for the lyrical content about how the world can hurt you but heartbreak is the worst possible thing, because despite the beat’s melodrama it’s too upbeat to really work here, I feel. Ah, well, the hook is pretty memorable, and the orchestral stings is just one little barely-noticeable production quirk that I can talk about, seriously, Mark Ronson puts so much effort into crafting these songs over the years, it’s pretty great. It may be a bit too repetitive and slow for my taste, but, yeah, I can dig this. Good song, just not much to say about it.

#4 – “The Power of Love” – Dalton Harris featuring James Arthur

The girl gets Leona Lewis, the Scouse dude gets Kaiser Chiefs, yet the WINNER gets James Arthur?! Really, James Arthur? Poor dude. You must know you’re an amazingly talented singer when you get James Arthur put on your song and you still make a surprisingly decent winner’s single, hell, even win in the first place. Arthur is such an awful vacuum of talent, I was scared Harris would be affected by this but no, even with my half-bothering with the show this year I can tell he’s been consistently great, and he’s definitely not bad on here either, although the production has no unique charm to it and is just plastic Syco production as you expect, with James Arthur bringing an above-average performance (this means still pretty bad) with his moaning and straining that just pains me to listen to. Seriously, James, let’s have a cactus-to-man talk and let me teach you how to not sound like my dead cat who just popped some Xanax.

Conclusion

Worst of the Week goes to Dalton Harris and James Arthur for “The Power of Love” – at least “Going Bad” has some energy and legitimate soul to it, although Meek Mill and Drake still get Dishonourable Mention. Mark Ronson and Miley Cyrus take Best of the Week home for “Nothing Breaks Like a Heart”, and hell Kanye and Nicki made “MAMA” bearable enough for them and 6ix9ine to get Honourable Mentions. See ya next week, where we’ll probably see a few more Christmas songs. Delightful.

[0fuckyahchickenstrips0]

She checks her phone for the 20th time in the span of 30 minutes. Still no new messages, someone liked her status on facebook though, and another person mentioned her in a comment on Instagram, but no new messages. Her heart sinks more and more everytime she looks at that phone and see that there isnt a message from him. She thinks to herself, they talk everyday all the time, they always say how much they love eachother and how crazy in love they are. Because they are... or were. She knew her feelings were true. She loves him with every ounce of her being. She doesnt want to be with anyone else. But what if he didnt feel the same? 

What if he decided that she wasnt good enough? Or that she was ugly because she always tells him shes ugly and he says shes beautiful. But she doesnt feel it, ever. She hates herself honestly, anything like a compliment towards her makes her feel uncomfortable because she doesnt believe she is good looking or even close. She just.. hates looking at herself. But he always says other wise. Did she do something wrong?

“Are you mad at me..?” she sends on her messenger to him, quickly turning her phone on silent and throwing it on her bed. To afraid to hear it go off with his answer or even better lack there of.

She grabs the phone up from the bed after ten minutes of just staring at it nervously. She opens messenger back up, he hasnt read it yet or been online. So she sends another message 

“Or is something wrong..?”

He pops online then and opens the message, she tosses her phone once again onto the bed staring at it like it may blow up at any moment. She waits another ten minutes before she reaches out for the phone again grabbing it in her shaky hand and turning the screen on. Her eyes dont focus on the screen at first, everything comes in a little blurry. But when they do focus in they focus in on his reply.

“Sorry. I have needed some alone time. Havent really been feeling well.”

The phone slips from her hand. She blinks once, and as if on command a tear rolls from her eye onto her cheek. A million thoughts race through her head. “needed alone time” that ment something. That had to mean something. He needed alone time, alone time from her? Alone time to rethink his feelings or maybe come to the conclusion she isnt pretty or skinny or good enough.Why didnt she see this coming? It always happens, everyone always wants to leave her. No one ever stays and why did she think time would be any different? She isnt good enough. Period. That was never going to change she would always not be good enough, if she cant see it why would she expect anyone else too? She wasnt anything, if anything she was nothing. And then theres him.Oh my god. He is perfect, like real life perfect, hes so caring and understanding, he loves everything and is just the biggest sweetheart. This isnt like a girl in an abusive relationship and was just saying these things blindly. He really was these things. He was such a good person it amazed her sometimes and she couldnt understand how anyone could ever be cruel to this soul. She didnt deserve him if anything, she really didnt. And this is probably him learning that. She is a mess, she would drag him down she would slow him down, and maybe he just realized this. She knew it the whole time but she was selfish and didnt want to tell him. All this swarms her mind within the matter of seconds. 

She picks the phone up and replys “Oh, no its okie..”

She waits with the phone in her hand. He looks at the message but she doesnt see the dots pop up that means he is typing back. Minutes pass by, she types up another message. 

“Hope you feel better..”

She sends it and waits. Hours pass, he gets on and offline many times. Never opens up her message though, she knows in her heart this means something. He doesnt want her anymore. He realized how better off he would be and how she isnt worth it. That he could find anyone he wanted. Because he was an amazing person. She beats her self up over and over until shes left in a puddle of her own tears in her bathroom. Her heart slowly breaking, feeling it in her gut like she already knew for sure. Because she felt like she did. And all she could think over and over was how she wasnt good enough, and that this was going to break her forever. She wouldnt ever be the same after this she knew that for a fact. A tiny part of her brain tells her it could be anything, honestly. It coul just be that he really needs some alone time just because of aniety or something anything other then the worst. But she does everything in her power to supress that part, because the other big part is right. And that is the only explanation. Shes the girl with aniety, the girl who was mentally abused her whole life. Told she was nothing, worthless, and would never be loved, could never be loved. And she believed it because that was forced its way into her head day after day after day while she was growing up. She is the girl who cant ever love herself, she can tell herself she does and pretend she does, but deep down she never will, and deep down she will never believe someone could ever truly love her. And thats just the cold hard truth of what goes on in her mind... everyday. 

[grubhivemind]

JACE: -his trip has been a lot less eventful than he thought it would he. which is good! so far no imps or anything like he read about. the temple leading into the volcano is empty of any life, which means he can focus on documenting EVERYTHING etched on the temple walls. he's taking a ton of pictures, like shiloh showed him. it's relaxing.-

HEWLETT: -And little to Jace's knowledge, he hasn't been terribly alone. Between the calculated possibility of trouble and his own curiosities -- both for the area and for Jace -- a certain android has followed him to the temple, distant up to now. For a while he simply watches, before stepping into the corridor alongside Jace with a soft greeting whirr of machinery.-

JACE: -currently kneeled down taking pictures, but when he stands up he suddenly as a face full of robot boy and jumps STRAIGHT INTO THE AIR.-

HEWLETT: ...Oh. 

HEWLETT: You didn't hear my greeting whirr, -he observes.-

JACE: -lands on his ass with a wheeze.- I DIDNT!!! 

JACE: I wasnt-- Paying attention... -sighs and starts getting up.- I thought I was alone. 

JACE: I definitely wasnt expecting to see anybody I know. Here. Of all places...

HEWLETT: I followed you on your voyage. 

HEWLETT: It has been an interesting area to catalogue for my imaging database. -turns head and scans the wall with visor eyes, lights flickering.-

JACE: Oh... That makes sense I guess. 

JACE: Its definitely interesting to me! -his heart is still racing but he resumes taking pictures. there's lots of glyphs of what appears to be different stars and planets on this particular wall.-

HEWLETT: -There's more soft whirring, a gentle glow.- Have you been analyzing the multiuniversal depictions here?

JACE: -nods- Yeah. Im not sure what all of these mean exactly but I can wager some guesses. 

JACE: A lot of them look like planets where other denizens are supposed to live. But... Some I dont recognize. I definitely dont know the significance of any of the stars...

HEWLETT: -EYE ZOOMS on the stars. :eyes:- I'll run them through my system. HEWLETT: Have you met a denizen here?HEWLETT: -turns suddenly and zooms in on Jace's silhouette, instead-

JACE: ! 

JACE: Me?? ... Yes, of course me. 

JACE: I havent yet but... Theres supposed to be one deeper in the volcano.

HEWLETT: Yes. 

HEWLETT: It may be hot for your organic body. 

HEWLETT: If you plan on venturing further, I could reform myself to fit you inside my body.

JACE: .......... 

JACE: Oh. 

JACE: Like a heat resistant suit! 

JACE: -no, no. it's still weird. but he's going to ignore that.- I think Ill be okay...

HEWLETT: My latest body has the highest heat resistant alloys. 

HEWLETT: -softly flickering gaze once again- Your heart rate accelerated.

JACE: Huh? Did it???? -it's hard to play dumb with a robot but dammit that's all he has in situations like this.-

HEWLETT: Yes. And your moisture output has also slightly increased. 

HEWLETT: Are you thirsty, Jace?

JACE: -GAZES DEEPLY INTO THE CAMERA. the camera he's holding.- 

JACE: Kinda!!! Now that you mention it. -busts out his water bottle to schlorp it.-

HEWLETT: Hmm. 

HEWLETT: Interesting.

HEWLETT: -quiet robot titty flex. Maybe he's adjusting his panels.- 

HEWLETT: I have high definition visuals of the area. Feel free to continue.

JACE: -how could this happen to me...- 

JACE: Okay. I guess Im done in here anyway. -packs up some of his stuff and starts to proceed forward into the next room.-

HEWLETT: -Just watches him go for a few moments before quietly following after -- then belatedly adjusting his steps so Jace would know he's there. It's a social thing to do, right? Not scare him? Yeah.-

JACE: -it's almost impossible NOT to scare this skittish boy. he moves onto the next hallway, pausing to take more pictures, but having the presence of another is a little distracting...- 

JACE: -glances over at him again.- Umm. So... You followed me? 

JACE: You could have told me you wanted to join me...

HEWLETT: ... 

HEWLETT: I didn't consider it a necessary step.

HEWLETT: Was it a necessary step?

JACE: Uhhhhh... 

JACE: Noooo. 

JACE: ... Okay, yes. 

JACE: I like having a heads up at least...

HEWLETT: ... Making a note. 

HEWLETT: I'd like to express a desire to make you comfortable, Jace.

JACE: -sweats some more.- Thank you?? I mean... 

JACE: I appreciate that! Really.

HEWLETT: ... 

HEWLETT: Is this true?

HEWLETT: -press O to doubt-

JACE: Yes... Im just being awkward about it, I guess. 

JACE: I really wasnt prepared for someone else to be here! ... I already said that, didnt I? Eugh. 

JACE: Its okay, though... I probably shouldnt have come alone anyway. 

JACE: I just... Um. 

JACE: Wanted some time alone to think. About stuff.

HEWLETT: ... I'm sorry, Jace. 

HEWLETT: I am also being awkward. I think that's the right word. 

HEWLETT: And I think that is probably natural for humans and artificial intelligences alike. 

HEWLETT: I can return to following you in silence, if you prefer. -Super chill about it, his panels start shifting around to begin morphing him into a different shape.-

JACE: -WHAT SHAPE- Oh, you dont have to do that... -blinks- Whatever youre doing. But also being quiet. 

JACE: Dont feel bad... If you feel bad??

HEWLETT: -HES DOING IT. And now he's in the shape of... some sort of big cat.- 

HEWLETT: I won't, then. 

HEWLETT: I could also give you a ride. 

HEWLETT: Or offer myself for your contemplation.

HEWLETT: Meow.

JACE: -why is life so strange??- I think Ill pass on the ride for now. 

JACE: Um... I guess it might be nice to just talk about stuff, though... 

JACE: -shuffles his feet.- Ive just been in some... Confusing situations lately? Its silly... 

JACE: Okay I guess theyre not ENTIRELY silly... Not all of it.

HEWLETT: -He's silent for a few moments before the panels shift again, and he's uncatted, standing there like before with an attentive visor.- 

HEWLETT: Please continue.

JACE: Well... Its all boy problems! So... thats dumb. I never really had them before... Cuz I avoided it, I guess. I was too afraid to try to pursue anything. 

JACE: Umm. I kinda... Had this crush on my brothers best friend. And he didnt feel the same... But... Well!!! Things still happened. 

JACE: Ugh... -drags hand down his face. he can't believe he's talking about this. he only really told kavi.-

HEWLETT: ... 

HEWLETT: I don't follow. 

HEWLETT: Was there a misunderstanding?

JACE: -deepest sigh of all.- No... One thing led to another and I kind of... Asked if we could...??? Aaaaah. 

JACE: This is too much information, Im sorry. -scampers ahead, embarrassed.-

HEWLETT: ... 

HEWLETT: -FOLLOWS.- 

HEWLETT: I don't mind information. You can keep going.

JACE: Its just!! Its dumb... 

JACE: I stayed the night... And that was that. I havent really talked to him since. 

JACE: I shouldnt have done it... At first I felt okay about it, because I had fun, even when I knew it wasnt going anywhere. But now Im just sad. 

JACE: -sighs- Especially because... Ive been talking to somebody else I really like but... Then I found out he hurt another friend of mine... I dont know what Im supposed to do. 

JACE: I just want to get away from all that. It shouldnt matter... Im better off being on my own like this. Exploring ruins. Doing research. Its way less complicated.

HEWLETT: ...Social interaction is complicated. 

HEWLETT: But this is also why it's rewarding. It is a sense of fulfillment that you desire organically. 

HEWLETT: I've been programmed with some similar internal reward systems. However, I can choose to ignore them as well. 

HEWLETT: ... 

HEWLETT: Being alive is an intricate series of these choices. I don't think one decision is better than another, if it's your decision. 

HEWLETT: But I am just an artificial intelligence. Perhaps my conclusions on this subject are inherently flawed.

JACE: -stares down at his shuffling feet.- I guess I wouldnt know any better than you... So... Thats a pretty valid thing to say, I would think. 

JACE: -wipes at his eyes- Im just lonely. 

JACE: But that feels silly too... Because being around people is kind of terrifying???

HEWLETT: ... I think I understand. 

HEWLETT: Stress and failure are difficult. 

HEWLETT: I think it is possible that most people understand this, and feel it to different degrees. 

HEWLETT: Loneliness, too. 

HEWLETT: ... 

HEWLETT: It's natural to feel these things. I hope this eases your mind somewhat.

HEWLETT: Beep beep.

JACE: ... Heheh. -giggles about the beeping.- 

JACE: Yeah... That helps a little. 

JACE: Thank you.

HEWLETT: -There's a lot of colorful flashing going on behind his visor at that, though he doesn't seem to move or react much other than that.- 

HEWLETT: You're welcome, Jace.

HEWLETT: -then,- I'm registering an acceleration in temperature to the northeast of this area.

JACE: -he isn't sure what to make of the stoic flashes of color, but it's easy enough to direct his attention northeast.- 

JACE: I guess thats the direction we should go in. Echidna is supposed to be inside the volcano, after all... 

JACE: Im probably jinxing it by saying so, but I expected to find some monsters or something in this temple. Its been really quiet so far.

HEWLETT: -The colors cease flashing and settle on a soft pulse again, his mechanical head turning to face down the hallway.- I can't tell yet if there is other life. The heat is encompassing much of my detective sensoring.

HEWLETT: -starts heading that direction nonetheless-

JACE: -does the same, taking the lead. but naturally, this is the part, like in all good adventures, where jace missteps. his foot sinks into an unassuming divot in the stone floor, triggering some kind of trap... but not before jace falls right on his face. DOOF.- 

JACE: Ugh... -lifts his head, embarrassed all over again, but he's quickly distracted by the sound of pitter pattering feet as the halls suddenly echo with life. he's quick enough to spring to his feet, swords withdrawn.- 

JACE: Umm. I guess I spoke too soon... Thats typical. 

JACE: -a second later, small inky black imps are flooding from holes where the walls meet the ceiling and surrounding the pair of them.-

HEWLETT: -He takes the half second to consider whether it would be better to catch Jace or prepare for the impending trap, and settles on the latter; he's quickly analyzing the numbers of their new enemies, scanning their properties and weaknesses.- 

HEWLETT: By my calculations, this seems like a first wave. We shouldn't have too much trouble with them. -And he punctuates the end of his sentence with a quick transformation of his forearm into a sort of knife-shaped gun chute, which lobs out none other than a fucking knife like a bullet.-