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chenfordspiral · 1 year

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A Chenford Thesis on 5x12

Hello hello, I’m back with another Chenford ‘thesis’, or whatever we wanna call these things! This time, 5x12 will be taken apart as I try to analyze every little detail that I’ve noticed during my approximately 936481 rewatches.

Be warned. I thought my essay for 5x08 was long. But this one has taken the cake. And I seriously have no idea when or how the f*** that happened. Anyway, if you’re interested and willing to sacrifice some of your time, enjoy the next... no. I better don't say how long this actually is...

Let’s start this whole thing with the episode's cold open.

I love how Tim has always been the one to open doors and let Lucy walk in, or out, first. As early as 1x03, he’s been the one to hold the doors open. And did you catch Lucy’s excited look after she says “I love your music” to Kelly Clarkson? She’s looking toward Tim, wanting to share her excitement with him. Because he’s the one she wants to enjoy and share everything with.

I don’t know why these two little details make me so giddy and wanna squeal with joy, but they do.

I’m just so completely gone for them at this point.

I’m barely ten sentences in, and I’m already struggling to keep writing because I can’t stop my little happy dance.

This is gonna be great.

We jump to the next (?) morning, and see Tamara doing yoga in her and Lucy’s apartment. I’m so glad she’s finally back. I’ve been wondering where in the world she’s been since we last saw her in 5x03.

Lucy comes out of her bedroom, surprising Tamara a bit: “You’re here,” to which Lucy responds sarcastically “I live here.” But then Tamara lets her, and all of us, know why she’s surprised. “I went to bed at one and you still weren’t home.” “Oh, I came home around then. I must have just missed you. Trivia went late.” “And how was trivia?”

Yeah, we can all tell by the way she asks that she knows that Lucy’s lying to her. We don’t know what happened the night before, but Tamara definitely knows that trivia is not where Lucy was. This is shaping up to become an interesting conversation between these two honorary sisters.

Lucy has a whole cover story already planned, like she did the episode before when Nolan asked her and Tim what they did the night before (not that he was asking them about their plans together, he was just making conversation). “Amazing. I came up with this obscure fact about Josephine Baker so I’m feeling pretty good about myself.” This actually sounds believable, right? If it weren’t for the way Tamara asked before, I’d totally buy that story. But Tamara knows better than me.

“You are such a smooth liar. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. All that undercover training.”

Oh, Lucy. You’re being called out here. Tamara knows you well enough to spot your lies at this point. But, as always, Lucy denies. “I’m not lying.” But her little sister ain’t letting her off the hook here. She needs confirmation. And she needs Lucy to know that she knows. Whatever that may be.

“I saw Tim drop you off.” Busted. No point in hiding it anymore, Lucy.

And can I just briefly say how happy it makes me that Tamara is the first person to officially know they’re dating? Yes, I suspect that Genny knows, too. But we never saw that. Tamara is the first person whose reaction we’ve seen on screen. These two have started out as a rookie and her ‘puppy’ and are now roomies/besties/sisters – simply put: family. It’s so wonderful to see how far they’ve come.

Lucy realizes that there’s no way she can deny anything here anymore. Which means that something must have happened that made it perfectly clear to Tamara that it wasn’t just a friendly get together between two friends, but that they’re actually together together now. No, I’m totally not imagining them making out like teenagers in his truck. Nope. Not at all.

Lucy lets her bag fall to the floor unceremoniously, almost literally dropping the weight that’s been on her shoulders because she’s been keeping her relationship with Tim a secret. Finally, there’s at least one person she can share this with. “Urgh. Thank god! I am so over coming up with cover stories.” Yeah, I’d be, too.

She quickly moves around the couch to sit down on it in front of Tamara as she says it. And that girl needs details. “Ok, why the big secret? You’re both single.” Well, technically they’re not. Not anymore, at least. Lucy was single for all of three minutes before Tim asked her out. But Tamara’s asking what we’re all wondering. Why are you still hiding this? Yes, we have the job issue, but that could be taken care of so you could be together officially. What’s holding you back?

“I mean, we’re just keeping it under wraps until we figure things out.” Okay. That makes sense. Neither one of them is ready to face those professional changes yet, are they? Because it’s such a big part of who they are. Working together is how they met. How they got to know each other. It’s where they fell in love with each other. It’s hard having to let that go.

But they will have to, eventually. Nope, I don’t think I’m liking this any more than they are. Because it’s how we fell in love with these two, as well. Side by side, riding together in the shop. Okay, they haven’t done that regularly for quite some time, but still.

And Tamara catches on remarkably quickly. So she lets it be and switches topics. Ish. “Well, if you ever need me to, uh, clear out for the night, you know, play my music real loud, just let me know.” Ooh, did she really just go there? Wow. These two must be as close as we all think they are for her to be comfortable enough to talk about this kind of thing.

Lucy’s trying to hide her laugh by pressing her lips together because she did not expect that from her little sis. “We’re not sleeping together.” Now that’s got Tamara intrigued. And confused. Look at her reaction. She can’t think of any reason why these two would not have slept together at this point. She clearly was not expecting that. “Why not?”

Lucy takes a moment before she answers. “We’re… taking it slow. We wanna do this right.” There we have it. She wants to make sure she doesn’t screw anything up. Not that sleeping together would do that. But she wants to just be with him before going any further. And again, I admire her for that. And she says we. Because she knows that they’re in this together. And that Tim respects her choices and wishes.

“So, you’re not sure how you feel?” Again, Tamara can’t really come up with any reason as to why they haven’t done it yet other than this. Because that would explain why they’re holding off on that. She doesn’t know how long they’ve been together, but she knows that it’s weird for Lucy not to have slept with him yet. And they’re both adults, right?

“No, I know exactly how I feel. I mean, this is the most amazing relationship I’ve been in since… ever.” Wow. It’s only been a few weeks, they haven’t even taken each other’s clothes of, and yet, she knows this is the most amazing relationship she’s ever had. Yup, girl is in love. And I couldn’t be happier with that knowledge. Because it’s so amazing to hear her say that out loud. But it’s just making Tamara wonder even more.

“Okay, and you’re waiting why, again?” Yeah Lucy, why are you waiting? Well, we kind of know why. She and Tim still haven’t talked about the obvious elephant in the room: he’s her boss. They can’t actually be together because the LAPD doesn’t allow it. But she considers Tamara’s point of view. ‘You know you love each other, you’re happy, why are you waiting?’

Which is what gives us one of the most unexpected little Chenford moments in TR history. Okay, that sounded dramatic, and it wasn’t even unexpected anymore when the episode actually aired, because we’d seen the sneak peek, but still – unexpected that it happened at all. Tim and Lucy greet each other in the parking lot before their shift, moving to walk side by side and falling into step. Both of them reach for the other. Tim ‘I hate public displays of affection’ Bradford can’t keep his hand to himself and taps her thigh while she brushes his hand with hers.

I can’t believe this moment actually happened. These two don’t care that they’re surrounded by a dozen cops who could’ve spotted their little flirty gestures. Also, they saw each other, what, a few hours before and yet, can’t keep their hands to themselves? Gosh, I love them. They’re so in love.

I love that Tim is willing to display his affection. We barely saw any of that with his previous girlfriends, and definitely not in public. Him and Blondie Bitchface barely treated each other as if they were dating. It all just felt forced. But with Lucy, it’s natural. Because he adores her and wants to be close to her at all times. And look at that damn smile. Oh, our boy is so. Freaking. Happy.

Lucy takes a moment to recollect herself before she lets Tim know: “Uhm, tonight is the night.” We all know this was coming thanks to the promo and sneak peek, but Tim definitely did not. He turns to look at her and furrows his brows. Something tells me that they must’ve had a moment or two where they were close to crossing that final line, but Lucy said not yet; not tonight. So he’s pleasantly surprised with where this conversation is going. “Really?”

And look at the way Lucy’s smiling at him before he asks. Yeah, she’s definitely enjoying being able to catch him off guard like this. “Yes, really,” she says in a tone of voice that has me going weak. And leaves no room for questioning. How is Tim supposed to say no to that? Look at that excited smile once he realizes that she means what he thinks she meant. And then he doesn’t miss a beat. Because he’s been ready for that for a while.

“My place or yours? Jealous dog, or nosy roommate?” And, omg. I’m only now fully realizing the heavy side eye she gives him while he’s talking. Yup. She’s ready, too. But as the words register, she stops walking and lets him know that “Tamara knows.” Whoops. Tim ain’t looking too happy about it. “What? You told her?!” “No, she has eyes. I didn’t have to.”

Uhm, Lucy. Yes, that is true. But what about the all the other people in your lives? Do they not have eyes, too? Do you really think you’ve been keeping this from everybody? I am certain that some of the people they’re closest to have figured it out. Or suspect there’s something going on. Both Grey and Aaron have definitely seen the change. Aaron maybe even more so than anyone else because he’s been riding with both of them. He’s also the only person, aside from Tim, who knew that she wanted to break up with Assford.

Lucy keeps talking. Yes, Tamara knows, “But, she is staying at her friends tonight, so.” Soooo, he can come over and they can do stuff. Somebody please tell these two to stop looking at each other all hot and bothered in front of the station. At this rate, everyone will know without either one of them needing to say a word.

“Hey.” Oh, thank god. Or in this case, Grey. Watch how fast they snap out of their little bubble, put a foot of distance between them and turn toward Grey. They can try all they want, but he definitely saw them looking at each other. Oooh, if he didn’t suspect before, which he totally did, he definitely does now. “Coincidence, I was just gonna call you. Lopez needs Aaron’s help on a surveillance. So I was thinking, why don’t you two ride together today?”

They share a quick look before answering. “Great.” “Yeah, whatever you need, sir.”

Aaaand, more reason for Grey to suspect something’s happening between them. Remember how uncomfortable they were at the idea of having to ride together again in 5x08? And now they share one quick look and agree with no hesitation? Yeah, they’re really making this easy for him.

Also, I’m convinced that Grey takes the opportunity here to hopefully make them realize that they need to talk about the work thing and eventually officially let him know. He’s let them be since he noticed the change in their relationship, but he’s still a professional. He can’t in good conscience let them work together like this for too much longer. He’s subtly trying to give them a nudge in the right direction.

Grey walks off, leaving Tim and Lucy standing in the parking lot.

“Mmmh, this is gonna be awkward.” I have to agree with Lucy here. Before, they were going into work thinking they’d just see each other at the end of shift. They could spend the entire day thinking about what’s gonna happen later that night, but it’d be fine because they’re not together all the time. Now, they have to spend the rest of the day in close proximity knowing what they wanna do later. That does sound a little awkward.

They start walking toward the entrance, immediately gravitating toward each other again. They literally can’t stay apart from each other, it’s like they’re attached at the hip. And I just love how comfortable they are with that.

Anyway. Tim disagrees with her. “Doesn’t have to be. We’ve ridden together hundreds of times.” “Never as a couple.” COUPLE! It is now in fact canon that one of them has referred to them as a couple. And Lucy’s the one saying it first! Nope, I’m not freaking out.

But she has a point. This is different.

“On the streets we won’t be.” Haha, Timothy. You keep telling yourself that you can completely separate professional and personal here. If you could, you two wouldn’t even be dating in the first place. “So, are you telling me that you’re not gonna be thinking about tonight?” (Does she say so or sir? I still don’t know.) And oh, now she’s the one holding the door open for him? How I love these two. He takes a beat before, very unconvincingly, answering “Not at all. Thank you.”

Lucy looks at him as he walks inside. “Me neither,” she says as she proceeds to drop her gaze to check out his ass. Lucy, my girl. You’re very subtle. Don’t be shocked if half the station’s already suspecting you’re together. You’re already kind of acting as if everybody knows. How bad is this going to be once it’s actually official?

Moving on.

“I could tell Grey I got food poisoning.” Interesting. I love how much Lucy doesn’t want them to ride together today. But I have to wonder why. Is it more than just about what she’d planned for tonight? Or is it also a way of avoiding that talk they don’t seem to want to have yet? “Just to get out of riding with me?” Yup, Tim ain’t happy that she wants to get out of this. He likes spending time with her, no matter where it is.

“Yeah. I mean, I get the day off. We avoid all this weirdness. Wins all around.” “You’re overthinking this. We leave our personal life at the door. Just like always.” Again, Timothy. If you had ever been able to do that with Lucy, you wouldn’t be dating. It’s been personal from day one. And it’s only gotten more personal since then.

“Oh, and you can just shut it off? At 7:59, I’m your girlfriend.” His WHAT?! I’ll be honest. I squealed so loud that I feared I’d woken up one of my neighbors at two in the morning (hi to all my fellow Europeans out there). I was NOT expecting Lucy Chen, the woman who calls the guys she dates WIP rather than boyfriend, referring to herself as Tim’s girlfriend after a matter of weeks of being with him.

Time and time again, she’s shown that this relationship with Tim is different to all her previous ones. And I love the progress here. She just wasn’t with the right person before. She tried to keep everyone at a distance as much as possible because she didn’t want to commit to anybody. Yes, she dated them, but that’s in part because it was fun to be with someone because at least she’d be with someone.

But none of those relationships ever had a chance of lasting. The guys always seemed more invested than her. And the one guy we know that she actually referred to as her boyfriend is the one who cheated on her with her best friend. It’s hard to fully trust and commit to someone after that. Especially when you have Vanessa and Patrick Chen as your parents.

But she’s found the one exception in Tim. So she’s perfectly happy to acknowledge their relationship for what it is. Because she trusts him. And she has faith in them to be able to make this work, no matter what.

“At 8:01, I’m – I’m your what? Your subordinate?” “Yeah.” Tim looks very unimpressed. He can’t believe she doesn’t believe that he can separate the two. But Lucy knows better. “Really? Hmm.” She then proceeds to do this cute little pose as if she were asking ‘So how do I look? Notice anything?’ And oh, yup. Something seems a little off. But I couldn’t put my finger on it, either. “What?” asks Tim as he’s kind of mirroring her stance, totally oblivious.

“My duty belt. My taser is on the wrong side. Normally you’d be all over me for something like this.” Oh, the taser, duh. Damn, I’m blind. Anyway. Lucy points it out: ‘normally.’ Because that’s what you’d kind of expect from Tim, right? On the job, he’s always been more of a hardass, especially while she was his rookie. Sure, he’s softened a bit toward her over time, but ultimately, he always made sure to let her know when she did something wrong. And not always in kind.

So Lucy has a valid point. But we also know what he’s willing to do for the people he loves. We know what he almost did for Isabel. There’s no doubt he’d do the same for Lucy.

“You did that on purpose?” “Mh-mh.” “You don’t do Tim Tests. I do Tim Tests.” “Well, that’s cause this isn’t a Tim Test. It’s a Lucy Lesson.” I cannot with these two. They really are two parts of one whole. Tim Tests, Lucy Lessons. What are they gonna put their future children through? Chenford Challenges? “And admit it. You are taking it easy on me. We’re not even on duty yet and our dynamic has changed.”

And another little “Lucy arm touch”. Girl, your love is showing. And Tim is, again, less than impressed by what she has to say. He’s really not enjoying this and wants it to be over. “Get in the car.” “It’s called a shop.” Oh, the Lucy sass. I love it. Unlike Tim in this moment. He just stares at her and motions his finger for her to just get in the car. She smirks at him while she closes the trunk.

I really should’ve seen what was coming from a mile away, but I didn’t.

When we next see them, they’re casually strolling down the sidewalk side by side, both holding to-go coffee cups in their hands. Lucy stops him with another little arm touch to get his attention. “Hey. So, you haven’t noticed?” I admit, I was expecting another ‘what?’ from Tim. But this time, he knew what she meant. “That you’re carrying your coffee in your gun hand? Of course I did. I just haven’t said anything because these Lucy Lessons are pointless.”

Oh, Tim’s still a little grumpy about the whole thing. But at least he knew to expect another lesson. “You really don’t think you’re treating me differently?” I can answer this for Tim. No, he doesn’t. But he is, actually. We all remember 2x19, when he snapped at her for carrying the police tape in her gun hand instead of her left. His reaction now is the complete opposite. Tim, why are you denying this?

“You’re not a rookie. You wanna change up your duty belt, carry your coffee in your right hand, it’s up to you. You know. This isn’t about us. I’d give Thorsen the same leeway.” Would you though, Tim? No, she’s not a rookie anymore, and neither is Aaron. But that hasn’t stopped him from chastising them when they did something wrong, which would include keeping their gun hand free. So of course it is about them, Tim’s just in denial here.

Why? Because Tim Bradford doesn’t like change. But he knows, deep down, that their work relationship has to change at some point in order for them to build a lasting personal and romantic relationship.

And Lucy doesn’t believe him when he says it, either. She hums a very disbelieving mh-mh, definitely not buying it. I actually think it’s fascinating that Tim isn’t the one to consider the work issue, at all, as it seems. I always thought that they wouldn’t get together because Tim would never date a subordinate officer and break rules that way. I expected him to be like ‘Ok, no. We can’t do this. I want to, but we can’t’.

I fully expected them to not get together until after they’d sorted out that problem. So now for Lucy to be the one to actually think about this and Tim being ignorant about it? Plot twist I did not see coming. But again, it makes sense, actually. Because Tim doesn’t like change.

They’re interrupted by a dispenser guy looking for help because another one, who we later learn is called Sergio, is threatening his business by parking his pot dispensary van basically in front of his store. I won’t go over this scene in detail, but will point out a few things.

First, Tim just snatching the coffee cup out of Lucy’s hand to put aside. He’s always had a thing for snatching things out of her hand, and I don’t know why I enjoy that so much. But I’m glad the tradition continues. Second, they fall into an easy rhythm, working together seamlessly. And I don’t even have to point out the mirrored stances, do I? Third, their expressions when Sergio climbs into the van but can’t get away because he doesn’t have his keys. Perfection. And lastly, Tim’s “I don’t have time for this” as he grabs his radio. The whole scene is hilarious, but that last part always sends me.

We jump to the station, where they’re processing Sergio. “Okay, so we are citing you out, which means we will not be talking your fingerprints or your mug shots as long as you promise to show up in court.” “Anything to get out of here.” Sergio grabs the bag after Lucy’s taken it out of the lockers and put it down in front of him. “Wait a minute. Where are my earrings?” “I put them in the bag.” “Sure you did. They’re a half carat each.” Only now is Tim looking up from his paperwork. Surely this guy isn’t insinuating that his girlfriend stole something, is he?

“I didn’t take your earrings. I know they were in there.” “Must be a nice perk of the job. Pocket whatever catches your eye.” Oh, yeah. Tim’s a little pissed now. Look at the way he’s looking at Sergio. No one is allowed to accuse Lucy, of all people, of stealing. So he chimes in. “Sir, no one stole anything.” “This is robbery. Wait a minute. You had your gun – this is armed robbery.” Woah, woops. This guy ain’t holding back.

“Ok, I’m sure your earrings will turn up and we’ll call you when we have them.” Is it just me or was Tim intentionally looking at Lucy for a few seconds while saying that as if to gauge her reaction? Like he was making sure that they’re on the same page and nothing was actually handled wrong? I don’t know, but while I was writing this, that look seemed a little calculating after staring at it for way too long. Or maybe it was just his way of saying ‘don’t worry, I got your back. You did nothing wrong’.

Guess I will never know. For now I’m a little undecided, but considering how the episode continues, it might’ve just been that reassuring ‘I got you’ look.

Sergio is still pissed and demands a receipt, but Lucy tells him they don’t issue those. ”Look, it’s all in the police report. If you want to file a complaint, you can do so at the front desk on your way out.” He’s still grumpy when he leaves. Lucy turns back toward Tim: “I didn’t take the earrings.” “I know.” Ok, so maybe that look really was just a reassurance that he got her back, and I started reading too much into it while rewatching over and over again. Woopsie. Apologies for this little mess. Anyway.

“This stuff happens sometimes.” Look at you Tim. Totally defending your girl. But Lucy doesn’t like that. “No, it doesn’t. Not to me. God, I’ve been so focused on us. Did I screw up?” She looks at him a little pleadingly: ‘Tell me I didn’t make a mistake because I was the one too focused on us.’ And Tim doesn’t like that option, either. Because that would mean that he was part of the reason she screwed up. And that would be the worst thing for him.

He doesn’t want her to fail in her job. Ever. But even less so if he thinks he was part of the problem or the catalyst for it. No, she would never blame him. And neither would any of us. But Tim is a master at blaming himself for things he’s not actually to blame for. So if Lucy did in fact screw up, he’d have to write her up. Because he’s the supervisor patrol sergeant, he takes care of these things. He’d be the reason she might get punished.

And that just won’t do.

Which is why they spend the next several minutes (hours?) looking for those earrings. But no luck. They can’t find them. Tim will literally not give up. “We’ll keep checking until we find them.” But Lucy reminds him that he needs to report it. “Wait. Okay, okay, okay, look. You need to file a memorandum with the chief. It’s protocol. I get it.” She seems perfectly content with the fact that he’ll have to do this. She’s not scared of what might happen to her. She just needs him to accept that he’ll have to report her soon.

Tim’s not giving in though. “We’re not there yet.” “Well, how long can it wait?” “I have discretion with things like this. We find the earrings, no paperwork necessary.” ”But if we don’t, you need to report me to IA.” He’s staring at her with wide eyes and a slightly opened mouth, appalled at the idea of having to report her. So he thinks of one last possibility. “Maybe janitorial swept them up.” He stands up and walks off, leaving Lucy very confused and disbelieving that he would just not give up and report her.

When Lucy comes home, we see Tamara packing a bag, ready to go to her friend’s house, leaving the place for Lucy and Tim. “Sorry! I meant to be outta here by now!” But there’s no Tim. Lucy acknowledges Tamara with a deep sigh, which makes her turn back around and look at her. “Don’t worry about it. We cancelled our date.”

Can I just say how much I love the fact that these two are close enough for Lucy to just walk into Tamara’s room and make herself comfortable on her bed? They really have come so incredibly far.

We can see that Tamara is a little surprised. “What happened?” “Well, Tim and I rode together today, and it really drove home all of the problems with dating your boss.” Oh, right to the point Lucy. But she’s right. There isn’t just one problem, there are several. Tim being her boss is number one. One of them, or both, losing focus and potentially making mistakes because they’re together is number two. Tim not wanting to report her when she makes mistakes is number three. Basically ignoring the fact that there are problems is number four.

Yes, I’m looking at you, Timothy.

And Tamara knows it, too. “It did seem tricky, but I didn’t wanna say anything.” Because they’re finally together. Because she doesn’t want to disrupt their happiness. Because she knows that they have to get there on their own and figure it out themselves.

“Does that mean you guys are breaking up?” NO. Don’t even put that out there, please. These two have been through so much together, I’m sure they’ll figure it out. But I get why Tamara would immediately jump to worst case scenario. I don’t think she’s had a lot of good examples of healthy relationships in her life. Hell, even Lucy herself hasn’t exactly been a great example. Tamara saw her relationship with the WIP.

But Lucy isn’t even entertaining that idea. “No. We’ll figure out how to make it work.”

Look at her being totally content that they’ll figure it all out. Breaking up isn’t even an option for her. They’ve made it this far, no way is she giving up now. I’m glad we’re on the same page here, Lucy. Tamara is not fully convinced yet, though. “Great. How?”

Again, I don’t blame her for being sceptic. She doesn’t know everything, but she knows enough to know that something’s gotta change for them at work. But given everything she knows about Lucy and her past relationships and semi-commitment, and everything she knows about Tim and him being a creature of habit (because everybody who’s known him for longer than a second knows that), it seems almost impossible to her at the moment to see how they could make it work.

I was always very excited, if not a little scared, to see how they would handle the work issue whenever they decided to make Chenford canon. We didn’t know what to expect going into the episode, so this was kind of the point for me to really start being scared. Even though I had complete faith in Tim and Lucy to work it out together, because that ‘how’ just stuck with me, and TV shows have a tendency to make things more dramatic than they have to be. But given the relative drama-free way they made them canon, I really didn’t need to worry about this at all, did I?

Tamara opens the door sometime later, and we see Tim standing there, both hands in his pockets. Tamara turns around without saying anything to him, instead choosing to let Lucy know “Lucy, your boyfriend’s here!”

Wow. Not only did we get Lucy calling them a couple and herself Tim’s girlfriend earlier, now we have someone referring to Tim as Lucy’s boyfriend. We just keep on winning with this episode, don’t we. But I cannot get over Tim’s reaction here. That tiny smile turns into a frown so fast. I’m cackling.

I still don’t know how to fully interpret it, to be honest. Is he surprised to hear someone refer to him as Lucy’s boyfriend? Is he surprised with how easily she says it? Does he not want her to use that title? Okay, I think we can rule out that last one. But still, his expression is pure gold here. And I am choosing to believe it’s because it’s the first time he’s heard it; makes it all more real once you hear it from someone else.

“Did she tell you I figured it out on my own? I’d make a great detective.” “I have no doubt.” I love how supportive he is of her here. Not only have Lucy and Tamara come a long way, but Tim and Tamara have as well. She went from simply being Lucy’s puppy to someone he genuinely cares for and supports. They’re already such a cute little family.

Have I mentioned Tim just casually walking into the apartment without actually being invited in? No? Okay. Then I have now. Because he doesn’t need an invitation anymore, he’s always welcome in Lucy’s space now. And Tamara’s, too. He’s not an outsider looking in anymore. He finally gets to be a part of Lucy’s life the way he’s wanted for longer than he’s willing to admit.

Lucy emerges from her bedroom. “Hey. I thought we cancelled.” “Uh, we didn’t.” “Oh.” So Tim was still expecting something tonight? Or did he just wanna talk about work and how to proceed with the earring situation? Either way, he just wants to spend more time with his girlfriend. Wow, we can actually say that now. This is still wild.

Also, note how Lucy didn’t correct Tamara when she called Tim boyfriend. She always made sure everyone, including the guy she was dating, knew that they were not her boyfriend, even after they’d been together for a while. Calling herself his girlfriend, not correcting someone when they call Tim her boyfriend… Lucy, I love how much you love him.

And oh. A Chenford hug! Can you see me melting? Look at the way she slides one hand over his shoulder to the side of his neck and the other over his chest. Look at the way he bends down toward her and just totally nuzzles into her neck, taking comfort in her arms. Definitely reminds me of 4x09. No, I am not crying again.

And with Tamara right there next to them. They can finally show their affection for each other not just to each other but in front of someone else, and I love that they don’t shy away from it and are totally comfortable with it.

There’s a few moments of awkward silence as they look at Tamara and she’s looking at them. She seems to sense that they need to be alone and talk, and excuses herself to her room, leaving them be. Tim starts explaining why he’s there. “Ok, listen. I– I’ve been going over things from today. What if someone found the earrings a-and assumed they belonged to a female officer, so they left them in the women’s locker room.” Okay, so earring situation it is.

Also, first: I did not catch that look on Lucy’s face right before they switch angles after Tim says ‘today’ when I first watched the episode. She is enjoying something here. That is screaming smug and mischievous. We just don’t know why. Second: I know I mentioned how Tim is now welcome in Lucy’s space, but I just adore the way he feels comfortable enough to just walk around her apartment and sit down at the kitchen counter. Third: he’s clearly been at her place many times before this since they started dating.

And lastly: he is still trying to find a way to not have to report Lucy. Damn, he really doesn’t want to have to do this. But Lucy knows that he can’t avoid it forever.

“Yeah, I checked already. I mean, come on. Y-you have to report it now.” “I know.” Look at the way he keeps his eyes closed for that extra second before answering. He is not liking this. At all. Yes, he knows he has to do it, but he’s still hesitant. He doesn’t want to be the reason Lucy might have to face whatever consequences there are for being accused of stealing. “I mean, if it was Aaron, you would’ve reported him already.”

“I know. But it’s not Aaron. I-It’s you.” And there we have it. The confirmation that Tim will follow his heart instead of his head when it comes to the people he loves. Really, when it comes to Lucy. Because over time she’s come to be more important than anything else. He’s finally found the right person, he’s not willing to risk anything because of his job. And remember, this is the same guy who laid into Lucy for not reporting him for suicidal ideation in 2x01. She was protecting him and all he did was get mad at her. But now he is the one trying to turn a blind eye and protect her. He really has come such a long way. Oh, the things love can do to a man.

“And you can’t be subjective when it comes to me, right?” All he can do is shake his head. No, he really can’t. He wants to, but he can’t. Because Lucy is more important than following protocol, no matter how wrong it is from a professional point of view. And he knows it and doesn’t like it. We all know he would definitely report her eventually, because he has to. Lucy is his voice of reason and would never let him cover for her and her mistakes.

Lucy hums a “Mh-hmm.” She totally knew it. “And thus endeth the Lucy Lesson.” Okay. Well played, Lucy. Well played. I should’ve, but I did not see this coming. At all. And Tim didn’t, either. “The what? The earrings were never missing?” I am dying at the way he said that ‘what’. He’s so exasperated but damn. Lucy is having the time of her life. Listen to her laughs. Once more, she got him. I hope they never change, because this is just another chapter of their awesome ‘prank war’.

“Nope. I set them aside and gave them back to Sergio after work.” “That’s evil. And impressive. And evil.” “I know, but – you weren’t facing the problem.” She is, once again, absolutely right. He wasn’t facing it. He was trying his best to ignore it. But they can’t ignore it for much longer. Even less so now that they know that he really can’t stay subjective with her.

“Okay. Well, now I am. So what do we do?” We. Ever since they started dating, it’s been a we instead of an I. And I love that. Because they’re facing these problems together, not apart. They’ll find a way to work it all out together. They’ve finally made it here, there isn’t a world in which they won’t figure it out together. I love how absolutely sure they are with and of each other. And I appreciate TR for making them deal with this so maturely. There’s no unnecessary fighting or arguing.

It's the next day, and Tim and Lucy are riding together again. They’re still brainstorming what to do about the work situation. “We only have two real options.” “Break up or one of leaves Mid-Wilshire.” Again, straight to the point. They both know there’s not many possibilities here. Well, two, to be exact, as Lucy points out and Tim fills in the gaps. It’s either this, or that.

Lucy is quick to jump in. “It should be me.” Wow. Neither one of them entertained the idea of breaking up for even a fraction of a second. It was silently agreed that that was not an option. And I am losing it again. Because that speaks volumes. They danced around each other for so long, hid their true feelings from each other for months before taking the leap, but it’s only taken a few weeks of dating for them to be absolutely confident in their relationship and sure of their commitment to each other.

Lucy doesn’t even blink before offering to be the one to leave. She’s willing to change something professionally? Humongous. Because we’ve never seen Lucy so committed to anyone before. And I love that for her. And for Tim.

But Tim doesn’t like that idea. “No. No, you love it here.” “No, I do, but –“ Lucy knows that Tim’s a creature of habit who needs stability. She knows how much he loves patrol. She doesn’t want him to compromise that for her and their relationship. “There isn’t an open sergeant supervisor job anywhere else in the division. I checked. Which means you would have to take a demotion, and that’s not happening. So…”

So, she’s thought this through. She looked up available options and saw that there wasn’t anything that would be fitting for Tim (does that mean she also knows about the position Grey offers Tim later?). So she offers to be the one to transfer, even though she knows that means she’ll have to prove herself all over again.

But it’s the lesser evil for her because she can easily go to a different station as a P2, but he can’t just transfer anywhere because there’d have to be an available supervisor position for him first for her to be okay with that.

“Lucy, I –“ He doesn’t look happy at the thought of her leaving Mid-Wilshire. Because he doesn’t want the burden to fall on her. But Lucy’s quick to stop him. “No, it’ll be fine. Rookies leave their first station after making P2 all the time.” She doesn’t sound thrilled at the prospect either, but she knows that that’s the only way they can be together without hiding and without him having to take a demotion.

“That’s true.” He might be agreeing with her here, but he’s still not loving the idea of her leaving. She looks over at him. “So. This is the best move, right?” She’s actively turning her attention toward him because she’s not just making this decision on her own. She wants his input because his opinion matters. This isn’t just about her, it’s about both of them, so they’re both included in the decision-making process.

“Maybe. But we don’t have to decide right now.” Oh, he still doesn’t want to face it, does he? But the look toward her after she turns her gaze back forward? Wow. That basically screams, “Oh, she would actually do this for us.” He’s not expecting to be more important than her job and be put first. Because in his previous relationships, he had to be the one to make all the sacrifices, no debate.

But Lucy’s willing to be the one to sacrifice something. She knows he doesn’t like doing things he doesn’t want to. She knows he doesn’t like change. So she doesn’t even ask him to be the one to go. As much as he’s not expecting to be put ahead of anything else, she’s not expecting him to want to change something professionally, either. But maybe he would make an exception here. Because Lucy has always been different. But we’ll see.

And again. They’re having a conversation about their relationship in front of a billion cameras. They know these shop cams are there, right? Do they not care who reviews the footage and hears their conversations? For two people who still haven’t made their relationship public, they don’t seem to be worried about that at all. (And yes, I know. This is how the show works. Where else could they have this conversation while they’re working if not in the shop or with their body cams on? But if we pretended this was real life, they’d probably have been found out a while ago.)

They hear the call from Nolan about the hostage situation with the doctor’s family. I don’t have much to say about this entire sequence except for: they’re total badasses and work together seamlessly – still. They’ve built a professional trust over the years that is hard to break. They might have started as rookie and TO, but somewhere along the way – ignoring the romantic part of it all – they’ve learned to trust each other implicitly and became partners on the job.

But who knows how long that would work while they’re dating. We already saw a glimpse of what Tim is willing to do for Lucy with the earring situation. So that change needs to happen before something significant can even happen on duty.

After their shift, they’re in the parking lot again. This time, they’re standing at the back of the shop, ready to unload. Tim’s opening the trunk when he tells Lucy “Nice work today.” She’s a little surprised at the compliment, but not nearly as much as she used to be, like in 4x03 after her failed attempt to prank Tim with the booties again. Why? Because getting a compliment or a ‘good job’ from Tim is not an everyday occurrence. But he’s gotten much better with it, especially with her.

She smiles. “You, too. It’s not a bad way to end our partnership. Saving a family.” “Yeah,” he responds as Lucy picks lint off his uniform. Married, much? They��ve been together for a matter of weeks, and they’re already acting as if it’s been years. Because… it has been years, hasn’t it? They might not have been together romantically, but they’ve always had that special connection that had them acting like a married couple even when they were dating other people. Lucy’s first two shifts as his rookie just bonded them in a way that is hard to break.

Anyway. “Although, we’re – we’re still not partners,” Tim continues. There’s a slight teasing note in his voice, and it gets him the reaction from Lucy he was likely expecting. A smile and a little loving shove to the arm. “I mean, on the job, anyway,” he adds. Uhm, Timothy. You are partners on the job. You can say whatever you want – she’s your partner. But oh, wait. You’re still not admitting you’re partners on the job, but did you just tell her you’re partners in life?

Oh, Tim. I love you. And I love your love for Lucy.

Look at the way he looks at her. I know I’ve often mentioned this before, but I adore the way he’s just openly showing her how much he adores her now that they’re together. Because now he can. He doesn’t have to hide it and suppress his feelings for her anymore. And neither does she as she looks back at him lovingly. Have we ever seen her look at someone that way before?

Well, actually. This reminds me of the way she looked at him when they finally got that dance at Nyla’s wedding. Damn. Girl’s been smitten for a while. How did it take them so long to get here, again?

“It’s gonna be so weird going to a different station, knowing I’m not gonna see you all day.” “Yeah.” Oh, this is making me feel very melancholy and sad. This really is about to be the end of an era, isn’t it? I mentioned this very early in this essay, but again: we fell in love with these two in the shop, side by side. We watched them slowly but surely fall for each other in that same shop. It’s hard to imagine that being over (even though we already got a taste of it after Lucy got back from UC school).

But this has more finality to it. Because now it really is time for a new beginning. The dating era, if you will. Or the we’re-gonna-spend-the-rest-of-our-lives-together era.

Maybe it’s actually a good thing they started dating before they figured out that whole work situation. Because it gave them the time to transition from partners on the job, or whatever they were after 5x01 and until 5x08, to partners in life while still having something familiar to fall back on.

Tim continues. “And there’s no guarantee that our shifts will sync up.” He’s talking from experience. We know him and Isabel worked in different divisions and had to sync up their shifts as best as possible. But Lucy doesn’t know what that’s like. “I hadn’t thought of that.” Lucy, stop breaking my heart. “Wait wait wait. So by doing the right thing we’re actually gonna see each other a lot less?” “Most likely.” “Nooo.” Again, stop breaking my heart, Lucy. That ‘no’ is seriously tugging on my heartstrings.

Because this is not what she wanted when she suggested transferring. She didn’t even think about that possibility. She just wanted to do this right, so they could finally stop hiding. After Tim’s confirmative “Yeah,” Lucy turns back toward the shop. Neither one of them is happy about the possibility of seeing each other significantly less. But as Lucy goes to grab the war bags out of the trunk, watch Tim. We can practically see the wheels turning and land on: ‘no, this isn’t happening’. Right here in this moment, he decides that this isn’t how it’s gonna be.

Lucy grabs the war bags and turns back toward Tim: “I’m gonna put in my transfer request in the morning.” Oh. She doesn’t like the prospect of not seeing Tim as much, but is still willing to transfer anyway? Wow. Because she still believes they can make it work. Because she knows it’s the right thing to do. And again: she doesn’t necessarily think Tim would want to change something. She knows him.

But we saw that Tim had a bit of a moment of revelation right before she said it. Because he knows that neither one of them would be truly happy with that. And once more, he got confirmation that Lucy is willing to transfer, even if she doesn’t love it.

So this is that last bit of reassurance he needs. She doesn’t love this, but is still willing to transfer so they can stay together. She’s choosing Tim. And that’s huge. For both of them. For Tim, because he’s finally put first in a relationship. For Lucy, because she’s ready to fully commit to this relationship in a way she never has before.

And because she is, he’s taking the burden from her by taking the bags from her.

We all see this moment for what it is: coming full circle. The guy who always made Lucy carry all the gear, even at the beginning of this episode, is now willingly taking the bags from her. And we see Lucy’s reaction to that. She’s not expecting it, hence that little move and the appreciative smile. Wow. But it’s also something more. With this little moment he’s showing her that he's willing to do something he doesn’t normally do. So, in a way, this is foreshadowing for the bigger gesture that’s coming later.

Also, Tim’s reaction to Lucy’s reaction? That just screams ‘damn it, I’m freaking whipped’. And I love it.

It’s after shift when Tim is knocking on Grey’s door. He didn’t even change into civvies yet, he’s still in uniform. “Got a minute?” “Sure,” Grey responds, motioning for Tim to come in. He closes the door behind him before he moves to take a seat at Grey’s desk. We know that whatever Tim has to say is important. He has to clear his throat before he starts talking. “I’ve been keeping something from you.” Grey tilts his head. He’s intrigued. Is this the moment?

Tim takes another breath and then just lets it out. “Lucy and I started dating a few weeks ago.” Yup, Tim’s actually coming clean here. And that’s not easy. Because he’s telling his boss that he’s been dating a subordinate for weeks. That he’s dating his former rookie. That he fell in love with his former rookie. That’s a kind of vulnerability Tim doesn’t like. Because he doesn’t know how Grey will respond and if he and Lucy have to face any consequences.

Grey takes a breath as he leans back in his chair. Ha, that little smirk. Yeah, he totally knows already. “I suspected as much.” See, he definitely saw the change in their behavior. And let’s be real. Anybody with eyes could see the change. They haven’t exactly been subtle. They could barely keep any kind of distance between them. Sure, Grey didn’t know for sure, but he knew enough.

“Sir, we wouldn’t have lied but we… needed time to figure out how we felt.” Figure out how you felt? Maybe that’s not entirely true, because I’m sure they both know how they feel about each other. But making sure they really are on the same page about where this relationship is going and how they feel about that? Yeah, that’s definitely the case. I might be wrong, but, well. Anyway.

“And since we’re having this talk, I assume it’s serious.” “It is,” Tim says without hesitation. There is no doubt in his mind anymore that he and Lucy are building something that’s real. Something that’s meant to last. Forever.

“But, for it to be appropriate, I need to move out of her chain of command.” No, Grey doesn’t seem very happy at the prospect of Tim leaving patrol. He’s a great sergeant, a great supervisor, and Grey doesn’t like losing him to a different job. But he still says “Ok.” Tim’s simple ‘it is’ is enough for Grey to accept it.

Because Grey knows that Tim, of all people, would never date a subordinate officer unless it was serious. He probably never even got close to any of his previous rookies, as far as we can tell. He seems to keep it firmly professional. But with Lucy it’s been different from day one. She had a front row seat to his heartbreak over Isabel. He let her in, couldn’t have prevented it if he’d tried.

Lucy just managed to warm herself into his heart. He never meant to fall in love with her. It just happened.

And Grey knows that. He’s seen happily married Tim. He’s seen heartbroken Tim after Isabel left. He’s seen him trying to find his way again but never quite getting it right. He’s seen Lucy experience the worst kind of trauma and still persevere. All the while witnessing that neither ever seemed as much like themselves as they are when they’re around each other. Because they’ve always brought out the best in each other. So he let them be for as long as he could fathom turning a blind eye on them and until they were ready to come to him.

And he’s not planning on reprimanding the two of them or reporting them to IA. And I love that. Sure, it was against the rules. But he knows why they hid it. Because he knows them both.

This entire scene is so powerful. We have a direct link back to when Tim asked Grey about what it would mean to transfer to the NYPD when Rachel moved. We saw how much he hated the idea of having to start over. But we also have a link back to when Grey told him he’d scored well on the sergeant’s exam and how hesitant he was to take that position at North Hollywood. Grey immediately looked over at Lucy. He knew why Tim was hesitant.

So he knows that this relationship with Lucy isn’t just casual or something short term when Tim is willing to move out of patrol. And while Grey’s not exactly happy about it, he’s still willing to offer him a different job. But he’s also making sure that Tim knows the open spot isn’t a great position.

“Unfortunately, there’s only one position open that will do that.” “I’ll take it.” Timothy! Oh, my heart. He doesn’t even let Grey tell him what that position is before he says he’ll take it, without hesitation. Right now, he couldn’t care less about what that position is. He only cares that it’s no longer in Lucy’s chain of command. “It’s not a great job.” Tim shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter. I’ll take it.”

Oh, my heart can‘t handle this.

For the first time in Tim’s life – that we’ve seen – he’s willing to change his career because of a relationship, for the woman he’s with. We all know Tim’s a creature of habit, and both Lucy and Grey have even called him a control freak before.

Tim doesn’t really like change. He likes stability, which is something he didn’t have growing up. There’s a reason he chose to join the military and then the LAPD. There’s structure. And protocols. And rules.

Yes, he’s putting his life on the line every day so there’s a certain kind of instability, but protecting people is something he’s good at. Something he trusts himself to be able to do. Even as a sergeant, he stayed on patrol. Because that’s where he wants to be, it’s what he likes. What gives him comfort.

For Tim to change career paths, he has to feel safe and secure in his life outside of work. And Lucy is the first person in a long time, maybe ever, that has provided him with stability and safety in every possible way, long before they even started dating.

She helped him through the Isabel stuff, didn’t leave his side in the quarantine house. She recorded audiobooks for him so he could study for the sergeant’s exam. She was there for him when he confronted his father, she showed up to the hospital even though they were still awkward with each other. She’s there when he needs her. And even when he doesn’t. She takes care of him no questions asked.

I came across a song a while ago and part of the lyrics perfectly describe Tim’s situation here: I just don’t like change / Cause it’s so hard for me to rearrange / But with you it’s not the same / Cause now I would leave home and change my name.

Because this relationship with Lucy is different. Yes, they’ve only been together for like a month and a half or so at this point, but Tim knows this is different. Because Lucy was ready to change stations and start over so they could stay together without hiding or breaking rules.

She didn’t ask or expect him to switch jobs. She didn’t say: you need to go, cause I’m staying here, I don’t care what you want – my needs are more important than yours. No. She said: you, our relationship, is more important than anything else. She’s shown him that he’s more important. She offered and was willing to be the one to change stations. She put him and their relationship ahead of everything else. What other woman has ever really put him first in their relationship?

Ashley wanted him to retire for her, Rachel moved across the country. Neither one of them even truly considered his opinion. It was ‘so this is your only option, otherwise we’re done’. Isabel lost herself to drugs because she felt she couldn’t live up to Tim’s standards. Every single relationship has manifested that ‘I don’t deserve to be loved’ feeling in his mind.

But Lucy has always been different. Because Tim is different for her (I keep repeating myself, help). For once, him and his comfort and needs are what’s important and considered in a relationship. It’s not all take take take from Lucy and give give give from Tim. It’s a partnership. A give and take. From both of them. It’s grounded in mutual trust, and respect, and friendship.

So he’s willing to do what he doesn’t like: change something.

Tim Bradford, romantic at heart. But we already knew that. But it’s just so beautiful to see again.

He needed that absolute certainty that this relationship is as serious for Lucy as it is for him. Yes, she’s given him numerous indications that it was, but when you’ve experienced so much romantic trauma, you start doubting everything, whether you want to or not.

We briefly saw that uncertainty in 5x09 in Grey’s office when Lucy still hadn’t broken up with Assford. “If you’re having second thoughts…” because some part of him still couldn’t believe that this was real. He needed that reassurance that it’s still happening, while he also made sure that she’s still on board, that he wasn’t pressuring or forcing her to do something she didn’t want to.

Lucy was quick to shut those insecurities down. “No, I – I’m not” as she looked at him with fondness. He smiled back at her, happy that she still wanted it. “Good.” I really can’t ignore those looks. They’re in Grey’s office, at work, looking at each other with so much love and affection in their eyes that I’m sure they’d forgotten where they were in that moment.

And we saw those heart eyes again at the end of that episode, when he could finally properly ask her out on a date, and they stared at each other after she said yes.

But back to 5x12.

So, Lucy being absolutely willing to change stations and refusing for him to even think about a demotion was that last bit of assurance that he might’ve needed. That, and the fact that neither one of them would be happy having to try and sync up schedules when working at different stations is what made him go to Grey, come clean, and take a lesser job without knowing what that job even was.

Tim also knows that Lucy never would’ve let him go to Grey to be the one to sacrifice professionally and accept any sergeant job available, which is why he didn’t tell her. Why he went to Grey alone and before she could put in her transfer request.

And let’s be honest. Lucy has always mattered more than his job. He took the sergeant’s exam, but didn’t transfer so he could finish training her, as already briefly mentioned. I’m almost certain that a part of him didn’t want to leave for NY because that would’ve meant leaving her, too. He made her the arresting officer on every report because she deserved the recognition, and he wanted her to succeed.

So, in a way, it’s actually very Tim for him to take a professional step back. But he’s okay with that. Because it’s Lucy. No, he won’t be on patrol anymore, probably for the first time since he started as a rookie.

But he’s content with that decision. Because it doesn’t matter. As long as he can be with Lucy, none of that matters.

And he’s not giving any more than Lucy was willing to give herself. And that’s the big difference.

We see a beautiful shot of downtown LA (Is it downtown? Someone please correct my European a** if I’m wrong.) before we see Tim and Lucy in her apartment again. He’s chilling at her kitchen counter while she’s standing on the other side.

“So I’ve been thinking. Hollywood division would be kind of ideal.” I love that Lucy is still fully committed to that transfer. She’s already made her peace with it. She’s been thinking about which station would be the best for her to not have to commute all over town every day and has actually made a decision. I love her commitment to it all.

She turns around, moving toward the fridge, because, yes. She’s totally cooking for her boyfriend. And I love that. We know they both love to cook, and there’s something so sweet in knowing that they’re now with someone who they can enjoy that with. And there’s something extra sweet and intimate about the fact that Tim isn’t helping her because she wants to cook for him. She totally told him to sit his butt down and chill, I’m sure of it.

“Well, it’s not necessary. I... talked to Grey and you’re looking at the new Court Liaison Sergeant.” Court Liaison?! Wow, Grey really wasn’t lying when he said that it’s not a great job. Man, our boy Timothy is really in love. He could’ve said no after Grey eventually told him what the job was, but he very obviously didn’t. The things they’re both willing to do for each other, urgh. They make me sick.

And Lucy is shocked. Not only did he tell Grey, although, that isn’t her concern here, but he also took a very boring sounding job without telling her. She stares at him for a few moments while she closes the fridge and then moves back toward the counter. “But that’s a desk job.” Oh. This is getting worse. Not only does Tim now have to deal with the courts and lawyers and what not. But he also has to sit at a desk for it? Yeah, that’s really not a great job for him.

“Yeah. Out of your chain of command.” He sounds so calm. He doesn’t care about the job. He just wants to be with her. Again, this is huge for Tim. He took a job without knowing what it is and even after finding out, he sticks with that decision to leave patrol. As long as it gets him out of Lucy’s chain of command so they can both stay at Mid-Wilshire, he would’ve taken any job. And he has.

Lucy keeps staring at him. She thought they’d agreed that she’d transfer, and suddenly he’s telling her he took a desk job? Yeah, she didn’t see this coming. And watch the look on her face right before she starts moving around the counter to be closer to Tim. That’s not exactly happy. Why? Because Tim hates desk work. “You’ll be bored out of your mind.” I love that she’s only concerned about his well-being and happiness and nothing else. She doesn’t even mention the fact that he told Grey about their relationship.

“That doesn’t matter. Look, you and I’ll get to see each other every day a-and you won’t have to travel to some, I don’t know, far away station where they’re gonna make you work the midnight shift because you’re a newbie.” “Tim, it’s–“ But he interrupts her. “It’s done. Okay? No sense in arguing about it.” Yeah, he’s right. Why argue when it’s already a done deal? Nothing she could say to him right would make him change his mind. But aww. Look at him looking at her. I’ve probably said it a few times already, but my heart is melting.

He is so incredibly smitten. But also thankful. Because he now knows with absolute certainty that this is real. She wouldn’t have suggested to transfer if she wasn’t fully committed to him. To them.

Lucy seems to accept it (for now). “But we’re so good at arguing.” They really are. She leans over toward him, moving her hands over his shoulders toward his neck, kissing him in a move that is so incredibly sweet and intimate. Because he just sits there and lets it happen. He murmurs a little “I know” before going in for another kiss while standing up. His right hand moves toward her thigh – because he’s a thigh man – trailing upwards to her waist while her hands slide from his shoulders down over his chest.

“But I’m hoping we’re good at certain other things, as well.” Oh. Well, I did not see this one coming. But there it is. Because our man Timothy has been ready for this for a while. Even more so since Lucy put it on the table the day before. They’re gravitating toward each other until they’re basically pressed together from head to toe as Lucy’s hands settle on his chest.

“Oh?” Uhm, yup. She’s definitely on board.

I love everything about this moment. His smile! Have we ever seen him smile like this? Then there’s the swaying, their foreheads almost touching, their noses actually touching, the overall gravitational pull toward one another, her playing with his shirt as she asks “You wanna find out right now?”

Everything about this makes my heart flutter. Because it’s so perfectly them.

And yeah, fine, ok. This episode only aired two weeks after the one with their first date. So Lucy’s “I wanna take things slow” seems to have been thrown out the window.

But again. I choose to live in a world where that date happened in late November/early December, and this is therefore about six to seven-ish weeks later. (I’m not sorry for making my own timeline. I actually think 5x10 might’ve been supposed to air in December, too but got pushed back because it was a crossover and Feds had a pretty big cliffhanger they wanted to carry over to the new year. But who knows with these shows.)

Now, is seven weeks long to wait until you sleep with someone or not? For Lucy, it seems long. For both of them, really. We know they don’t usually shy away from that. They’ve known each other for years at this point so it was never about getting to know each other first. No. It was about cherishing the early stages of this new relationship. A relationship that will be the last for both of them.

So, I’d consider it an acceptable amount of time for them to wait. We don’t know how long Lucy planned on waiting; maybe it was always just a spur of the moment kind of thing and without giving herself a timeline to keep up with, at least not past what she said in 5x10 (first & second date, first kiss). I’ve recently had the thought that she might’ve needed that reassurance about their jobs before taking that next step just as much as Tim did.

Because dating your boss is one thing, actually sleeping with him is something else entirely.

Maybe it’s a little out there, but it could’ve also played a part in her decision. She wants to do this relationship right, after all, and part of doing this right includes following the rules about dating within the same chain of command. It wasn’t just about making sure she didn’t screw it up; it was about making sure that every potential risk wouldn’t be a risk that could threaten their relationship.

She wasn’t ready for this before, for many different little reasons. And that’s perfectly fine. Healthy. Admirable, even. Because no one should ever feel obligated to do something in a relationship before they’re ready and I love her for setting some boundaries (and him for accepting it so easily). It doesn’t matter that it’s Tim, and that she wants it all with him. Or maybe it does. A whole lot, actually. Because it’s Tim. Nothing has ever been more important than them and doing it the right way.

And Lucy is definitely ready now. Because the last issue that was in their way is taken care of. They’re no longer working together, at least not within the same chain of command. They can be together now. Officially. Openly.

So she starts popping those buttons on his shirt as soon as he whispers that soft “Yeah” and before their lips even touch again. That shirt is coming off fast, dear god. And Tim came prepared. No Henley like he wore the night before when he came over. No. A button down, with snaps. Easy and fast access guaranteed. Also, the little moan from Lucy as she pushes the shirt over his shoulders? Someone send help, please.

I die a little every time I see the way he’s looking at her as she’s admiring his body while he strips. And it’s the way that Tim, who we all know likes everything pretty clean-cut and organized, just lets his shirt fall to the floor. Seriously, I don’t know why that gives me so much satisfaction, but it does. And then there’s Lucy touching him, tracing the tip of her fingers from his sides over the v-cut toward his abdomen.

Excuse me for a second while I try to recollect myself.

It’s so freaking intimate.

As soon as that shirt is gone, his hands go to cradle her face while she’s moving her left to the side of his face and her right to his back, both getting lost in another passion-fueled kiss while Lucy lets out another pleased little noise. Girl is enjoying herself alright. And they keep swaying into those kisses, too. As they break apart to get a breath of air, Lucy’s hand moves down his back to settle on his waist before they go back for an even more passionate kiss. Because holy moly, Tim ain’t holding anything back anymore.

And as they keep swaying with those kisses – really, it kinda looks like they’re dancing because they’re constantly moving, which is also what they did in that airplane bathroom – that Tim’s back is turned toward us. And we get a good look at his scars.

There is something so poetic about seeing those scars. We could already see the bullet wound from when he got shot in the Pilot on his abdomen when he took his shirt off. But now we can see the rest. Four scars on his back – one on his neck, one on either one of his shoulder blades, another on the small of his back.

Tim has endured so much emotional and physical trauma in his life. Here, we get to see the physical side of it. He’s scarred, but he lets himself love and be loved again. Because he trusts Lucy with everything. His life, his happiness, his heart.

He once said that trust has to be earned. And Lucy’s earned his trust, time and time again. Because she kept showing up. She cared. She’s shown him that people are worthy of trust. That she is worthy of his trust. And that he is worthy of hers.

And, this might be very far-fetched, but I can’t get my brain to shut up. We can see Tim’s scars, but we also see Lucy admiring him while he was taking his shirt of. Yes, she’s appreciating his body, but I also see it as a subtle metaphor that, despite all his scars – physical and emotional – she still adores him. All of him.

No matter how scarred he might be, he’s still worthy of love. He deserves love. Because he’s so much more than just his scars or his past.

“I got half a dozen scars. Bullet wounds. Knife wounds. Broken bottle. Then there’s the ones you can’t see. Isabel’s addiction. A dad who would tune me up on the regular. And whether I like it or not, they’re a part of me.”

Yes, it’s all part of his story, but it’s not the whole story. Those scars aren’t everything.

He said it himself once when he confronted his father: “I’m who I am in spite of you!”

In spite of all the pain, he chose to be the kind of man he is and not be like his father. He found a way to become his own person. And somewhere along the way, after even more heartbreak, he found a reason to become an even better version of himself. But, to be fair: that version’s been there all along. Lucy just managed to bring it (back) to the surface.

And now he can freely look at that reason whenever he wants with so much adoration, so much love in his eyes that I’m feeling sick to my stomach because the butterflies are creating havoc in there.

Tim just walked away from almost a decade and a half of patrol. And yet, he’s happy. He’s beaming with joy. Because he gets to be with Lucy. I know we’ve all noticed it, but I have to point it out again. We have never seen Tim so calm and at peace before. This is what finding and being with the right person will do to you.

And he’s done the same for her. Because she was willing to walk away from her job, too. The woman who doesn’t like commitment was ready to start over professionally at a different station after being with Tim for a few weeks.

She also has more than enough reasons to not want to put her heart out there. Her trauma might not be like the one Tim has experienced, but it’s still trauma. Her parents made sure to make her feel unlovable basically her whole life. Again, the only guy she seemed to be kind of serious about cheated on her. Others broke up with her without a second thought. So her defense mechanism became keeping guys at a romantic distance.

Yes, she’s a very caring person who’s there for her friends and those in need – which I love, because she became the opposite of her parents whose care is always conditional. But romantically? She likes to keep her distance even when she’s in a relationship; and even though she’s often the one to make the first move. But in 5x08, she was the one who was hesitant until Tim made clear he wanted it as much as she did. That she mattered to him enough for him to be willing to risk it all. That he loved her enough to risk it.

Tim did the opposite of her parents and every other guy before him: make her feel wanted and appreciated and loved just the way she is.

Her willingness to transfer is such a beautiful gesture of love. No, they’re nowhere near ready to actually say those words, but they showed each other their love through these selfless gestures, no words necessary.

They really have found their forever person.

But back to the scene.

And then there’s something about the way Lucy just lets her head fall back in this moment while they’re kissing right before they start walking toward her bedroom. It’s like she’s completely giving herself to him here. Because she is. Lucy “commitment phobe” Chen is one hundred percent in this. She’s ready for this next step with the only guy she’s ever loved.

Also, I’m a sucker for their height difference. Now I just need a kiss where she’s not wearing some kind of heels. Then I’ve seen everything I needed to see. Okay, not everything, but it’s one of the things that’s been on my wish list since before they were together.

Lucy lets out another moan as she’s smiling into that kiss as they start moving toward the bedroom. She even giggles into that kiss. Again, girl’s enjoying herself; she’s happy. One of his hands then comes up to move behind her head while the other goes to the door frame, preventing Lucy’s head from hitting the wall. He’s always been protective of her, and that only heightened after the whole Caleb thing and even more so once he realized he was in love with her. So to see this little move? Yeah, I don’t know why it makes me go feral, but it does. Because even in their haze of lust, he’s making sure she feels safe with him.

And this entire time, we see respectful Tim. Yes, he’s the one to start the flirting and steer the conversation in that direction. But he doesn’t just go for it, he waits for her response. He’s letting her know he’s ready, but he’s also letting her decide whether she’s ready for this, too.

And once she’s given him the verbal confirmation and he knows she is, he doesn’t hold back. He’s pretty firm with those kisses and his hands cupping her face, but: it’s not forceful. It’s passionate. It’s a mix of joy and hunger and want and desire. It’s love. You can see in the way he kisses her and cradles her face how much he loves her.

As they continue to make out against the door frame – seriously, how is this even real?! – one of Lucy’s hands moves toward his neck, holding him close. His left moves from cradling the side of her face to her waist as they actually finally back into her bedroom. He closes the door almost all the way before fully slamming it shut, but instead of going straight for the bed, we can see that they’re still at that door. Because we can see Lucy’s hair against the not entirely see-through glass, where Tim has undoubtedly pushed her back against. They just love making out against doors, don’t they?

Damn, these two are seriously hungry for each other.

And after all this time, I don’t blame them. Because they deserve this. It’s time to enjoy this new intimacy. This happiness. This love.

They’ve fought their demons, separately and together. They’ve experienced different kinds of traumas over the years and still managed to come out stronger than ever before. They’ve ignored and struggled with their feelings for far longer than they realized before finally accepting them and taking the leap together.

And if anyone deserves to finally be this freakishly happy, it’s Tim and Lucy.

My deepest gratitude goes, once again, to @escapismqueen. This time, she actually did kind of write parts of this, so thank you for letting me use it all and providing me with the necessary inspiration and missing words when my brain just couldn’t properly function anymore. Also, a big thank you to everyone who has taken their time to read my stuff about 5x08 and/or 5x10 and now also this. Every single one of you makes me want to keep writing. And it’s so much fun, too. I'm excited to see where this journey takes me next.

#chenford #the rookie #lucy chen #tim bradford #how did this get so out of hand #it feels a little all over the place so apologies if it doesn't make much sense haha #this is what i do instead of focusing on my bachelor's #someone seriously send help #i just love being in my little chenford bubble #because i love these two idiots in love #a chenford thesis

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