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#i just prefer cats and i leave it at that
junedenim · 1 day
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what it takes to say goodnight
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just him & his girls
warnings: dad!alex, fluff, smut, piv, fingering, mild breeding kink, & so on...
word count: 4.4k
He nearly trips over the cat when he walks in. He mutters curse words to himself before picking Pepper—the cat—up before it runs out the front door. Pepper has always been a calm kitty and she takes well in Alex's arms, though they are full and he struggles through the door before he can finally put everything, including Pepper, down on the floor. She tangles in his legs before running off back into the house.
Alex closes the front door roughly causing one of the magnets that holds a picture of the girls up to fall on the floor loud enough to alert the other residents of the house that he is home.
"Sounds like someone's home," he hears you announce followed by the sudden noise of pattering feet.
He rounds the corner, greeted by two blurs rushing him like linebackers. As always, Willow is quick to talk her mouth going a mile a minute, shouting, "Come look what I made today! Pick me up, daddy, pick me up! Come on!" He can't even keep track of what she is saying most of the time, her mouth going a mile a minute.
Contrasting her twin sister, Wren, his quiet little girl, tugs on his pant leg to get his attention. They've always been this way, even when you were pregnant with them. Willow would kick away and Wren would suck her thumb. Wren speaks when spoken to, preferring to perform motions to express her opinions. Unless it's vegetables, then she cries and yells, "Yuck!"
To combat both girls' interests, he bends down and picks them both up. They are just on the edge of being too heavy for Alex to pick both up at once. But maybe he'll wait until the next birthday to stop doing this. Wren curls into him while Willow hangs off his neck still yapping, "I want mac & cheese for dinner. Mummy said we can so you have to let us. Wen wants it too. Say it, Wen." Willow has always called Wren "Wen." It's adorable and Alex and you can't bear to ever correct it.
Alex turns to Wren, nudging her with a bounce to show her some attention and get her answer. "I want mac & cheese," she says robotically as if Willow trained her to say it.
"Really?" Alex questions. He looks toward you, sitting on the living room rug and watching this exchange. You share a silent laugh with him. You're calm, and he never understands how you managed to hold that through the whole day with the girls. He loves them like nothing else ever but, man, do they tire him out.
"Swear," Willow answers for Wren. "Mummy also said you'd play dolls with us."
You laugh out loud. "I never said that, Will."
Willow thinks otherwise. "Well, maybe you could anyway."
Alex laughs. "We'll see." He feels a strain in his back and decides it's time to put the girls down. Will goes off running back to her toys but Wren hangs on, unable to let go of the comfort. "C'mon Wren. At least let me take my shoes off."
"But you'll come back?" She's completely wide-eyed and worried. Whenever she's in need of reassurance, Alex fears it's his fault. That he went on tour when they were too young and ever since Alex is certain he has caused them abandonment issues. 
He told you this once, late at night, after Wren had cried for him to not leave her alone in her room. He stayed with her until she fell asleep and would have fallen asleep beside her if you hadn't come to collect him. Under the covers, he told you this fear and regret, at first, you laughed, insisting Wren was just clingy. Alex chose to believe you if only to fall asleep that night.  
Sometime after midnight, Wren came into yours and Alex's bedroom, tugging on Alex's hand making sure that he was still there, still breathing, still real. Her little whimpers woke you up. Alex hugged Wren to his chest and you ran a hand down the sensitive girl's back. She kept saying, "You were gone. You left." You tried your best to minimize Alex's worries but he felt this fear to be true and a hidden part of him thinks you blame him too.
Alex kisses Wren's plump baby cheek, placing her tiny feet on the wooden floor. "Always," he assured her. She toddles cautiously back to the toys to join her sister.
But then there's one more girl he has to take care of. "Are you going to make me mac & cheese?" You ask, approaching him, and slinging your arms around his neck. His hand finds its rightful place on the small of your back, the one where you always feel an ache when his hand isn't there.
He pulls you closer to him, pressing her body up against his, your faces so close, your noses just barely not touching. "I'll make you whatever you want." His lips pucker expectantly, waiting for yours to collide with them.
"Anything?" You raise an eyebrow.
He relaxes his lips and quirks a smile. "Yeah, I can make you the unicorn-shaped mac & cheese."
"Wow," you laugh, "you really are my prince charming."
He puckers his lips again. "Hurry up and kiss me, would you?" You give in because he's so cute talking about mac and cheese and there's a flutter in his eyes that you can tell means he had a long day so you won't put up much of a fight, especially when he kisses you just right.
You pull away and ask, "Long day?"
Alex shrugs. "I'm where I want to be now. How was it here?" He runs his hand up and down your right arm.
You sigh as you begin to feel the weight of the day"Good. No fights. Wren didn't nap."
Alex throws his head back. "Don't tell me that." 
That fear ticks away inside him but you grab his hand and squeeze it. "It's not because of you. It allowed me to have Wren & me time considering she's a daddy's girl and Will's constant desire to be the center of attention, but don't tell her I told you that."
He chuckles. "Your secret's safe with me."
"Now come on with the mac & cheese!"
Later, when he's cooking dinner, Wren clings to his leg. Will is singing loudly in the living room and he can hear you clapping along with her. 
"Mac & cheese?" Wren asks him.
"Almost done," Alex promises, picking her up by the straps of her overalls and depositing her onto the counter. "Would you do today? Did you have fun with mummy and Will?"
Wren simply nods with a smile, which is a good sign, no frowns in sight.
But she tugs away at his heart, making grabby hands for him. She's always been clingy, enjoying the feeling of being held, but he can't help but feel that she's spent the whole day missing him, not able to have any fun. 
"Do you maybe want to come to work with me tomorrow, honey?" He knows he should ask you about this and Willow will have to come along or she'll throw a temper tantrum but sometimes he thinks Wren needs a little extra love. She doesn't shout for attention in the manner Willow does. Sometimes she needs to be noticed and needs to feel special.
Then, Wren starts doing that happy gurgle-laugh thing. She swings her legs, tiny socked feet hitting the utensil drawer. She nods quickly, completely excited. "I'll have to talk with mummy about it but you and me will do something special. That sound nice?"
"Yeah!" She squeals and claps her hands. 
Her excitement rubs off on Alex, giving him something to smile about. He nuzzles his nose with hers. He can't get over how precious she is. "Yeah," he repeats, completely content. In moments like this, he doesn't feel like he's completely failed as a parent.
Willow comes walking in, patting her stomach, asking, "Is the mac & cheese ready? I'm 'ungry."
*
Putting the twins to bed can either be the easiest part of the day or the hardest. Wren nearly passes out in the bathtub, running on limited sleep. Willow refuses to stay in bed. When you leave the room, she pops out of bed and starts playing with her toys in the dark. 
Alex goes in to kiss her goodnight after he lays Wren down and finds her bouncing on her bed. She stalls at the sight of Alex, clear that she has been caught out. "Bedtime, missy," he tells her.
She giggles but plops down on her butt. "I'm not tired," she states like there is simply no argument to be made.
Alex sighs and sits on the edge of her tiny bed. "But I'm tired."
"You can go to bed. That's okay, daddy." She touches his arm like she's reassuring him she'll be fine.
Alex huffs a laugh into his hand. He doesn't want Will to get excited that she's making her dad laugh. "I can't go to bed unless you go to bed. It's the rules."
She closes her eyes and flops down on the bed dramatically, pushing the air loudly out of her pillow. "Fine." She seems like she's making an attempt, but then she opens her eyes wide and demands, "Story first."
He knows you probably read her two stories already and he shouldn't give in but you're in the shower and he'll be waiting all alone in bed for you so why shouldn't he kill some time with one of his girls? "One."
She claps her little kiddie hands. "You can pick," she says like she's doing him a favour.
And she kind of is because if he has to read Goldilocks again, he might lose it. "Rumplestiltskin it is." He's always liked it and he knows Will likes the straw turning into gold part. 
He picks up the book of the collected Brothers Grimm fairy tales. Part of him can never deny reading the girls (including you) a story. You all do the same thing: cuddle up beside him, lay your head on his arm, point at the pictures, and say a comment on every sentence if only to make reading time just a bit longer. Will curls his fingers around his forearm and falls asleep halfway through the story but he finishes it anyway. Partly because he knows if Will is pretending to be asleep and he doesn't finish the whole thing she'll insist he has to read her another one. (The other part because he loves the story).
You've just exited the bathroom with wet hair and a towel wrapped around you when Alex enters your bedroom. "Everyone went to sleep alright?" You're going through the drawers, looking for pajamas.
"Yeah. Will had me read her another story but she conked out quick."
You smirk. "Will had you read another story or you wanted to read another story?"
He rolls his eyes at you mocking him before admitting, "Both."
You laugh at him, your sweet boy. The house can feel overrun with girls sometimes, even the cat is a girl, but Alex never seems to mind. He likes all the girlish things the girls like. Tea parties and dress-up, although, he did get noticeably a little more excited when the girls started kicking around a football. But then Alex just said, "Girls are better at football anyway." 
He's better at tea parties than football anyway. He doesn't even try to pretend to lose to the girls when they play 2 v. 1 with him. They are sneaky and tiny and like Pepper does, they wrap around and slide through his legs to kick into his goal. Meanwhile, he thrives at the tea parties, drinking whatever concoction the girls make, even if it tastes like plastic. You always pretend to sip but Alex is the real deal. Always has been.
"Did you miss me while I was gone?" He asks, leaning against the wall, trying to tempt you.
You smile, dropping the towel, leaving you naked in his view for five seconds before you toss a T-shirt over your head. "No, not really."
The T-shirt is red and he's like a bull as he charges toward you, picks you up, and lands both of you on the bed. You're giggling affectionately into the kiss and it's completely loved-up and lovely and you both love that but Alex and you clearly want more. You push him up, off of your lips. "Shut the door."
Sex with the kids can be challenging. Before you did it every time, every surface you could find. Now, you mostly do it at night, rarely in the morning because the girls are always up early. You can't do it every night. Sometimes you can tell the girls didn't fall asleep or you're tired or Alex passed out while you were in the shower. 
Despite the scheduling-sounding nature of things, sex still seems spontaneous. Like a random gust of wind felt upon the skin. Alex always makes things exciting and after doing it more times than you can count, it never bores. The predictability of it is what makes it so charged, so romantic, so sexual, so loving. You can tell by the thrust of his hips whether he's close or not. He can tell by the furrow of your brow whether he's hitting that spot in you or not. It has always felt right.
He's fast in his steps, locking the door, and pretty much launching himself back onto the bed. He covers you, completely all over you, kissing you, feeling you up. He reaches under your shirt, pushing it up to expose your boobs, but not taking it off. He grabs them, a fistful at first, then just the nipple. He kisses down your neck, over the collection of your shirt's fabric, onto the skin of your boobs, and then the areola, licking over the wrinkles of it before meeting the erected nipple.
There are times when you do devote time to foreplay. Alex loves it. You love it. Both ways. You both have always been reciprocal naturally. You never need to ask the other for more. In fact, more often you ask for less. Like...
"This feels really nice," you tell him, "but I'm tired and I know you're tired so just fuck me, okay?"
"Okay," he agrees, breathing heavily already. He stands to take his clothes off. You don't bother shedding the top. He can fondle your boobs just fine with it still on and it provides an emergency cover if one of the girls walks in.
Alex lays back on you intently, kissing you harshly. You reach down to hold his cock, pumping him a few times before his hand takes over and slides into you. The idea of it is quick but the pace is rocking, not fast, not slow, just right. You furrow your brows and arch up into him. He reaches into the space underneath the arch and holds you, completely skin-to-skin. He lays kisses on your neck in no particular pattern like he isn't even trying to turn you on more, he just wants to do it. 
You grip the back of his head's hair, clumps in your compressed grasp. "More," you urge, needing just a little more to tip over.
His mouth moves next to your ear, whispering, "Want me to fuck another baby into you?"
It makes you snort a laugh right in the middle of sex. You have to physically stop his hips from moving as you collect your breath. "What? Another set of twins?"
"Yeah. With my super sperm." He's jokingly bragged about that with you since you found out you were having twins. You corrected him and said it was your eggs that made the twins since they're fraternal. He said, "No, it was a really good load, I remember." It's always made you laugh.
"Twin boys now?" You ask.
He shrugs. "Or more girls? I don't mind."
Everything about him is calm, but there is sincerity in all of it. "Are we seriously talking about more kids while you're inside me?"
Alex makes small movements inside you. "Yeah, come on." He leans closer and closer to you. "We make cute kids. The girls are older. I know you want it."
You place your hands on his shoulders. "Right now I just want you so can we do that part before the 9-month part?"
He nods. "Cart before the horse."
You laugh and tug him down into your shoulder. You whisper into his ear as his hips begin to move harder and harder, "Fuck a baby into me."
Alex chuckles and kisses your jugular. He quickens, both of you feeling an ache for release conjuring inside you. He moves harder and pulls your hips to him. He's doing all the work, but he doesn't mind, he likes doing this for you, likes being good for you. That's all he wants to do.
"That feel good?" He has asked this almost every time you've had sex like, no matter what, even after doing this for years, he wants to make sure it's as good as the last time.
You hum in the affirmative, feeling too overwhelmed to talk clearly. Your grip around his neck tightens as you drag him closer down to you. He keeps thrusting into you hard, skin hitting skin sounding across the room. 
"So fucking tight," he groans into your ear. 
His pace is quick, erratic, and eager. His breath is heavy and filled with soft grunts. His hands are rough, squeezing on your hips. You know he's holding on for you but you want him to enjoy it too. It doesn't always have to be about you. "Let go," you tell him. 
But he's hot for it, not rejecting your request like you thought he would. "You want it?" He asks.
You nod, fluttering eyes.
"Tell me," he says, pounding deep.
You scrap your nails down his back soothingly. "I want it. Deep in me." He hums, requesting more without saying it. "Fill me up with your cum. Please."
Maybe it's your words, maybe it's how close he was, or maybe it's both, but he cums instantly after, deep inside you, filling you up. He groans and pants into your neck. He rests inside you, holding everything in, while he catches his breath. You comb your fingers through his hair, calming him.
He raises his head so he's looking down on you. "You okay?"
You softly smile, exhaustion hovering over you. "Yeah."
"You don't cum," he comments.
You shrug. "I got what I wanted."
Alex grunts. "God, you're gonna make me cum again."
You push him up, making him hiss at the sensitivity. "Don't," you command.
He pulls out slowly and before you can even say anything, he's got his fingers inside you, keeping all that cum in, making a mess on his finger. It takes you off guard, making you moan instantly. He's quick with everything, knowing you want to go to bed, hoping to release the tension and ease you into relaxation.
His two fingers shove in and out of you rapidly. He curls them just in the right spot, making you moan, "Fuck." His thumb grazes over your clit, just like how he knows to do it. It's messy, the whole thing is a mess, but it feels like the hottest thing ever, and soon your hips are unable to stay still and you're coming.
It's your turn to catch your breath and he's licking your shared cum off his hands. He makes a face. "I don't think I've ever tasted my own cum."
You reach out and grab his hand, taking the still-dirty finger into your mouth, and licking it clean. "You've made me taste both before."
He kisses your lips before getting off the bed to grab tissues. "Don't act like it was against your will. I recall you liking it."
You sigh, sitting up and fixing your shirt. "We're gonna have to change the sheets."
Alex hands you a few tissues and says, "I'll do it. You clean yourself up." You'll always accept him doing all the work.
*
It’s three in the morning when a tiny hand shakes Alex awake, and he opens his eyes to find Wren there holding her stuffed teddy bear against her chest, cheeks wet from crying. “I wet the bed.”
“Oh,” Alex says, while his heart rate settles. He looks around to get his bearings and finds you out of it to his right, curled up on your side. He blinks the last vestiges of sleep from his eyes as Wren sniffles miserably, and he pushes up to wipe her jaw dry. “Hey, it’s okay, baby. It just happens sometimes, alright?”
“But I'm not ‘posed to,” she croaks. “I’m supposed to be a big girl now. I’m sorry.”
“No, hey,” Alex kisses her forehead. “It’ll be fine, come on.”
She holds onto his hand and he leads her into the bathroom, running the water to warm and filling the tub with strawberry-scented bubbles. Once she’s in, he lets her play with her rubber ducks for a while to calm down. She splashes them and chews on their tails and presses their drawn-on smiles to his cheek as a kiss. "Muah," she says, and he loves her so much it hurts.
He runs a hand over her damp hair. “I’m gonna go fix your bed, okay? Just keep playing.”
Wren nods, so he leaves her with the door wide open and the light cascading into the hall. Strips her bed of the old sheets and carries them over to the wash. When he comes back, she’s resting her chin against the edge of the tub, waiting for him.
His head tilts, looking down at her big eyes on her little face. “Hey, Peanut.”
“Hi,” she says, timid. “Do you still love me?”
Alex frowns and sits down in front of her on the cold tile. “Why wouldn’t I still love you?”
“M’no good,” she whispers. “M’not small anymore, and I miss you all the time, and—”
“Alright, hey,” Alex cuts in gently, pushing her hair behind her ears to hold her face, all flushed chubby cheeks. He hates himself. Feels like he has made her feel this way. Made her feel unloved and he'll beat himself up for it every day. Never forgive himself for making her doubt his love. "I know I’ve been gone a lot, and I’m really sorry, but I miss you the whole time I’m away. All I wanna do is be here with you, okay? I promise. I love you,” he says, kissing her freckled nose and watching it crinkle up, “so much. I hope you know that.”
She nods, bites her lower lip, and chews. “You love mummy?”
“Yes,” Alex says. “Tons.”
“Is tons a lot?” She asks, and he notices her eyes flit over his shoulder, which gives him a pretty good idea of why she’s asking.
“It is,” he confirms, glancing behind him and finding you in the doorway, hair thrown up, wearing that ratty old red tee. You grin and lean against the door jamb, eyes soft. “The better question is: does mummy love daddy?”
You laugh. “Tons squared,” she promises. “Come on, it’s bedtime, baby.”
“Can I sleep with you?” Wren asks, anxious.
Alex kisses her cheek. “Of course,” he says and leans around her to pull the drain. You come over to help her dry off and Alex goes to grab her fresh pajamas. You both help her dress because she’s all sleepy from the warmth of the bath, and she’d get lost in her shirt if you weren’t around. Alex picks her up and carries her to their bed, laying her down between them so they can both hold her.
"You okay, honey?" You ask Wren, running your fingers through her hair, calming her like you do for him.
She nods, her eyes slowly closing, sleep taking her away from you.
Alex kisses her cheek lightly, not wanting to disturb her sleep. "Love you."
You repeat his action, kissing her baby skin cheek. "Me too." But she's already fallen asleep, exhausted from her little life.
You look across at Alex, his eyes cautiously looking over Wren. "Hey," you whisper to him to grab his attention. His gaze meets yours, his eyes solemn, but affectionate. "Love you."
He smiles because that's just what he needs. That's all he'll ever need. "Me too."
*
A hand pushes on your back somewhere around 4 in the morning. You turn around at the expected sight: Willow holding her stuffed teddy bear, thumb in her mouth, scared little eyes.
"What's wrong, baby?" You ask her, reaching out and smoothing back her messy hair.
"I had a night'are." Her voice wobbles. Alex and Wren are still sound asleep. You reach down to pick her up, laying her on your chest and hugging her to you, wanting to keep her safe from all the evil things awakening her.
"Everything's okay," you reassure.
"What's wrong?" You turn to see Alex, alert and worried rubbing his eyes.
"Nightmare."
Willow turns her head to look at her dad. "Oh," she says, "there's Wen. I was scared she wasn't where she was."
Alex reaches his arm over a sleeping Wren and rubs Willow's back, hushing her rapid heartbeat. "She's been in here. She got scared too but she's okay. She's sleeping now."
Willow keeps her voice low, understanding to keep quiet. "I went lookin' for her but she wasn't in her room."
"Why did you go to her room, honey? Why didn’t you come in here?" You ask.
"'Cause I always go there when I'm scared. Wen goes 'Everyting's okay' and then I know it will be 'cause she said so." She's so sweet, she hides it sometimes, doesn't like to give it away, she's careful with who she gives it to and you're sure nobody loves someone like Willow and Wren love each other. For that, Alex doesn't have to worry. He knows Willow and Wren will always look out for each other.
You kiss Willow's cheek and slide her carefully next to Wren. The bed is just big enough to fit you all but you have to hold steady to not tip off the bed. The girls are comfortable though and that's all that matters.
"We should sleep in here all the time," Willow says.
You and Alex both laugh quietly at your little girl. "Maybe," Alex says.
"Pep should be here too."
So, Alex goes and gets Pepper.
*
a/n: i hope the names are fine. i just tried to pick two twin-sounding names. whatever that means.
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aroguexenolith · 5 months
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I’ve finally figured out that the reason Peppermint won’t leave me alone when I try to read at night/late evening is because he wants me to sit out in the living room while he sleeps. Pats are nice and he’s not going to turn them down, but really he just wants to be in the same room as somebody.
(The living room is apparently his room…? Still unsure as to why, with a few sporadic and brief exceptions, my room is not a valid location to hang out in.)
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crowcryptid · 1 year
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Heading to Minnesota in 2 weeks to scout it out cause I might be moving there
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orcelito · 2 years
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Personally, I find the whole "I'm sorry for your loss" thing awkward. Like I get that it's supposed to express condolences, but really it kinda feels like someone weighing in on something they can't fully understand me on & reminding me of it all in the same breath. & it can feel like empty platitudes.
So when it comes to Other people, I falter bc like. I know I'm Supposed to express condolences. But bc of my own feelings on it, I hesitate. I don't know how this person feels about it. Would it be insensitive? Would it be insensitive for me to NOT?
And so I go full autism creature & am just like "umm Uhhh . See you later!"
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void-tiger · 2 years
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Dream’s kinda his own Worst Enemy in that in denying his own needs, he’s also denied the needs of the dreams and nightmares he created…to not be manipulated further by Desire and Despair…to not become overwhelmed by the dreamers’…to not overwhelm the dreamers…to not be alone.
And it utterly backfires.
#dream of the endless#morpheus sandman#…yES I want this guy to live even tho he doesn’t and the Softness he denies himself gets to go to Washedout Ass Frikkin Daniel#sorry but I prefer a different story#and I think it’s telling that altho Daniel has his own fanbase?#MORPHEUS is the one who’s actually iconic and used in like. all the old marketing and library/bookstore bookmarks#not to mention the one comics spent The Most time with#sorry daniel who.#(let the grumpy wet skrunky cat finish his arc)#(if he truly ‘wANTED tO dIE~ TM’ he’d have removed Death’s Seal on Orpheus around the French Revolution#(there’s kinda more…Proto Aspects. than Just Daniel. Daniel’s just the only annoying baby convieved in annoying circumstances we see)#(and like. it’s kinda like the Kindly Ones were just /waiting/ for Morpheus to fail.#(instead of. idk. euthenizing Orpheus themselves? if they truly cared?#(what IS their relationship with Calliope anyway.)#anyway. maladaptive stuff backfiring is Fascinating#BUT. let the guy grow and heal. otherwise…well. you can tell it left the taste of rancid peanuts in my mouth#…anyway. my other Take on Morpheus!Dream? ‘eh. he could be worse.’#LiKE. Desire is worse. Despair is worse. Poor Delirium is worse. Destruction is worse in that he fucks off and leaves his friends to BlowUp#and Destiny is…kinda who Dream models himself after? (not thay he’ll ever admit it.)#Destiny gets to be distant. The younger Endless get to fuck around.#Destruction gets to LEAVE (and oh look. World Wars and MORE Epidemics and Technilogical Booms turned surveilance states and WORSE wars)#but no…the only one who Finds Out is the guy with depression who’s finally trying to heal#and for as Terrible as he self described and Desire Especially describes him? is. kinda Just A Guy#idk. fascinating pieces. but I don’t really care much for how they were fitted together thematically#if I was supposed to like Daniel Instead then idk. show Dream pulling the same shit as Desire and Despair and Delirium#vs just. very occationally lashing out. (and the only one who didn’t deserve that was Nada.)
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fleurmatisse · 1 year
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you know. i hate being woken up by people.
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dragonbleps · 8 days
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thought of a single animal i really want Damon to be able to shapeshift into but i can't include it without either adding purely self-indulgent worldbuiling lore that would canonize the current or past existence of said animal with my current rules for his shapeshifting, OR just allow him to go buckwild and include mythical creatures to his list of available animals, which would really just give him carte blanche to be literally whatever shape he wants bc idk how to restrict it after that lkhjshdfjhg since mythical creatures are "made up" then what's to stop him from "making up" his own animal trait combination and just be some weird amalgam of animals?? Aside from his own personality which currently lacks whimsy, that is
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moricodex · 26 days
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People can have different character head canons.
Twisting & straw manning someone's own thought on a character, is exactly why some find fandoms to be unbearable.
Being passive aggressive over a character is cringe.
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steampoweredskeleton · 4 months
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.
Ignore
#delete later#well its been an interesting brain day. couldnt get my nails to feel equal so chewed them all off#then saw a silverfish and had to move my mattress and fully clean oit under my bed bc i couldnt stop thinking about them under there#so. I definitely didn't win today. and am exhausted. my knee is aching abd my hip feels fucked up. i feel more relaxed about the#bugs thing but its getting into spider paranoia and ive been Seeing Things in rhe corner of my eye the last week or so#so its not gonna be great! i hate the summer. i hate it. my ocd gets so mych fucking worse. ive been scratching more bc#i feel grimy and the intrusive spider thoughts are jumping every time i leave the flat. so i gotta do that more. the one upside#to tearing my nails down is i xant scratch myself. but also cant give the cat those good good scritches. oh and they hurt so#i hate the summer!!! it makes me want to hang every piece of fabric where it cant touch anything else so i can watch it all and ensure#its clean and safe!!!! but thats giving into the compulsion so i cant!!! so i just do my stupid lil brain shouting and ignore dark shapes#in the corner of my vision and it's FINE#ITS FINE. it will be. ive survived every summer thus far and im in a better mental headspace than ever before so defo will this one#also my piercing is finally starting to chill this week so that's good. took me a bit to work oit a routine that works for it but#we got there. turns out it prefers normal water to saline unlike my seconds so i do one of eavh once a day and amy additional#irrotation i just srick my ear under rhe tap. genuinly working wonders#tw silverfish#tw spiders#tw arachnophobia#tw scratching
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dailyoyo · 5 months
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yknow this is just random idle thoughts but honestly i have a hard time thinking of the jsr and jsrf versions of the cast as Distinctly Different characters (with the exception of whatever is up with cube and combo, but i'm chalking that up to the fact og jsr ch2 was a localization thing and not part of the og release). like Okay its two differrnt continuities, diff things happen to them and some aspects of the group dynamic are different, obv, but og jsr is so character-light it's hard to extrapolate ANYTHING about them without veering into making shit up out of whole cloth really fast
and the supplemental character info for og jsr is VERY thin - and doesn't really contradict jsrf, either. like bis/mew/rhyth is definitely trait: devil's advocate in future even though in og canon we'd only know that from a guidebook. imo it makes me feel like the future cast characterizations is more like, yknow, Expanding upon the ideas behind the og jsr cast than it is Making New Versions Of Their Characters. like theyre different timelines of the characters but theyre not Different Characters you feel me. not that future is a Deep, Complex Character-Driven Narrative either but yknow what i mean.
and so its like fascinating to me when ppl characterize the two canons' casts as having differing personalities. wheres it come from? pure vibes? (and then over here with paradox it is So fucking future-based despite being meant to be a combination of the two canons bc of the limited material we're given to work with in the og LMAO)
IDK i tend not to seek out random fancontent and in fact avoid it like the plague bc of my own brain eccentricities but im fascinated by this topic regardless.
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introvert-celeste · 6 months
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bi-writes · 2 months
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Simon short circuiting when his mail order bride does something kind for him :)) uses her new credit card to buy him his favorite tea and cat treats for bonding with his new baby <3
mail-order bride
simon lets out a deep breath as he slips his boots off. he pulls his tact vest over his head, dropping it beside his shoes before rolling out his neck. he's exhausted. he's been awake for 36 hours at least, and not even a few hours ago, he had been camped out on a rooftop with nothing but his sniper rifle for company.
you pad into the living room, dressed in cute cherry-printed pajamas. little shorts with a matching short-sleeve top, and you smile shyly when you see him standing by the door. your eyes wander a little; you've never seen him with his gear on, and he's surprised you're not more startled by the skull mask he's wearing.
his head darts to the side when he sees the cat hopping along the shelves on the wall. the cat launches itself off the closest shelf, landing on the back of his shoulders and nuzzling along the back of his head before dropping onto the floor to weave between his legs.
"welcome home," you say softly, coming closer, and simon just nods. you reach up when you get closer, slipping your hands under his hoodie to find the hem of his mask. you pull it up gently over his head, smiling a little wider when you reveal his face underneath. he has eye-black smudged around his eyes, but otherwise, your husband looks his normal self, aside from the dark circles under his eyes.
you understand immediately that simon isn't in a good mood. he's irritated, tired, sour-faced and agitated. you smooth your hands down his chest before kneeling on the carpet. simon blinks, confused, but then he watches as you start to unbuckle the holsters around his thighs. you get him undressed enough that he's just wearing his jeans and his hoodie, and he takes your hand gently to help you stand back up. you hook your pinkie around his, guiding him to take a seat on the couch before you disappear into the kitchen.
simon leans his head back against the couch, shutting his eyes gently. to come home to a warm place, one filled with another person, it's frighteningly comforting. he has always come home to the dark. to the heater off and all the rooms empty. to silence and his own terrifying thoughts.
"simon?"
he opens his eyes and sits up a little, blinking the sleep away as you come closer. he hums when he sees you holding a mug, walking slow as you try and keep it steady. you hand him the mug, watching as he takes a slow sip of it.
he shuts his eyes, letting out a shaky breath. it's perfect. he's never told you how he prefers his tea, but it's got just a splash of milk and nothing more. the thoughtfulness warms him more than the drink does, and he curls his toes a little as he tries not to think about it too hard.
"oh!" you smile. "i-i...i filled your car up, and i-i got you something when i went to get a water."
you scurry towards your purse by the door, rummaging through it before you pull out a little crinkled paper bag. you sit next to him on the couch and hand it to him after he sets his tea down on the coffee table.
he reaches into the bag and wraps his hand around a little plastic trinket, pulling it out. he blinks, hooking a gloved finger through the little keychain he's holding. he holds it up, face neutral, but after a few moments, a low chuckle leaves him.
it's a little skeleton, and the bones of it wiggle and dance when he shakes it.
"i...i thought of you when i saw it," you laugh a little, and he watches as the cat hops up onto your lap, moving over your legs to sniff at the little skeleton simon is holding up. after a few moments, the cat reaches up with a paw and smacks the skeleton, watching it shake and wiggle before smacking it again.
"yeah?" simon murmurs, meeting your eyes. "you miss me?"
"y-yes...yeah. w-we missed you."
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gremlingottoosilly · 4 months
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Blind!Reader who accidentally bumped hard into Mafia!Konig, hard enough for to Konig thought it's some punk who wants to pick a fight with him but only to find a cute girlie with a walking stick that sprawled on the floor because of the wall of meat he is (feel free to use the "you hurt your ankle!?" excuse for him to take Blind!Reader for his own)
Konig was ready to kill when he felt someone bump into him. A fucker should be blind not to notice this wall of muscles and bottled anger coming his way - and Konig sure as hell would make them blind if they are dumb enough not to look around when they are walking. His hand goes to grasp his gun - an instinct, in case the fucker wasn't just dumb, but an enemy...and then he hears a whimper. Clacking of a stick falling to the ground. Cute whimpers. Female whimpers. The "oh my god, sir, I'm so sorry, I didn't want to bump into you, but they changed the street layout since winter and-" God, you were fucking adorable. Precious. Pretty. Cute. Whimpering like a kitten when he helped you stand up, letting you clutch on his hands as a guiding line. Supported you by your waist while handing you the walking stick - and not letting go of your body even as you were trying to stand up without being wobbly. He knows you're probably fine, you didn't fall that badly, but he grasps for straws in trying to keep you by his side. Apologizes, even, his nervous and anxious self returning for a second as he understands that the situation isn't about possible murder. It's about possibly finding a cute girlfriend. Now, he obviously can't leave you to fend for yourself. Konig doesn't care that you survived on your own and is perfectly fine without him - he also doesn't care that you really hate having him dote over you like you're some helpless creature. He needs you by his side, preferably under him, and the fact you survived for so long on your own actually doesn't say anything - he needs to protect you, even if it means being as overbearing as possible. Even if it means simply picking you up like a lost cat and getting you over his shoulder, squeezing your ass one time before packing you into a dark vehicle. You can calm down by trying to memorize his face through your hands, and he can memorize himself with the curves of your sweet body. God, he is going to enjoy making you his...even if it means locking you up in his mansion so no enemy could use you to get to him.
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victim9d · 1 year
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there are. Children in my house
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what-even-is-thiss · 8 months
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Have you never spent a lot of time around cats but want to be friends with one? Some cat communication basics. Because I feel like it.
A cat approaching you doesn’t necessarily mean they want pets. They may just be inspecting you or hanging out.
If you want to pet a cat you need to ask permission first. The way you do this is you offer a finger or the back of your hand for them to smell. If the cat wants to be pet they’ll generally push their face or head and neck into your hand. If they don’t want to be pet they’ll generally walk away or just sit down.
Cats will usually ask for pets by rubbing up against you or possibly standing at your feet and meowing. When you think a cat is asking for pets hold your hand out and see if they rub up against you. That means they want pets. If they start walking away with purpose instead that means they want to show you something. If they meander off that just means they’re hanging out. No pets needed.
If a cat likes the way you’re petting them they’ll probably lean into it. If they like it a lot and you stop they might try to pull you back over with a paw. They might also squint close their eyes. If they don’t like it they’ll lean away or swipe at you a bit or show their teeth if they really don’t like it.
When they’re done being pet or sitting in your lap they’ll probably just peacefully walk away. This is good. They trust you but they’re done hanging out now. If their ears flatten or they start bristling and hissing you’ve done something very wrong or they’re afraid of you and it’s probably best to leave them be.
A relaxed cat’s ears usually point forward and are upright. If their ears flatten or point back they’re angry or scared and they’re serious.
Cats can purr for any number of reasons. If they’re sitting on your lap with completely relaxed posture (in a loaf with tail curled up, eyes happily squinted closed, maybe actively looking for pets from you and giving little cat hugs in the form of rubbing their face on you) that’s probably a sign of contentment. They can also purr to calm themselves down or try to heal themselves or others. Purring is one of those things that needs the surrounding context to be understood.
When a cat shows their stomach they’re comfortable around you but not looking for pets. Most cats don’t like belly scratches. Some do, but if you try to scratch a cat’s belly and they start acting angry it’s because from their perspective you’re the one violating personal boundaries here.
If a cat doesn’t like being picked up they’ll probably start struggling. If they’re very stressed out they may get violent but if they know you that probably won’t be their first choice unless said cat has a short temper. If the cat is neutral to happy about being held they probably won’t do anything at all. You can carefully drop cats when you’re done holding them. In fact they may prefer that to being carefully set down depending on the cat. Angle them down just a little when you drop them so they can land on their front paws first. This also gives them a bit of warning that they’re about to be dropped.
Most cats won’t lick you but if they do they’re trying to groom you. This means they see you as part of the family. This is fine. A bit weird but they’re trying to help.
If you try to act like you’re small and out of the way and avoid eye contact with a cat, the cat will see this as an invitation to hang out. This is why if you don’t understand or like cats and try to avoid them at parties or at friends houses they might try to hang out with you a lot. Lots of eye contact and making a lot of noise and making yourself bigger is the way to scare a cat off. Slow blinking and not acting excited is an open invitation.
Some cats have been trained a little bit by their owners. They aren’t obedient 100% of the time like dogs but they can be trained to know what some things mean and get accustomed to certain situations. Cats can be trained to like a certain noise like kissy noises or tongue clicking by making those noises when you feed or pet them when they’re young. It can also be demonstrated to them that patting the couch or other surface next to you is an invitation to come over. These are the most common things most house cats that grew up with humans know about. You can also ask their owner if there’s a noise they come to but if you don’t know, kissy noises, tongue clicking, or the cat’s name or saying something like “here kitty kitty” are the most common things a cat might understand as a request to come over.
When playing with a cat, moving your hand around on the ground for them to pounce on, waving a feather toy around, rolling a ball towards them, etc. they generally won’t use their claws. If they want to play they’ll start playing. This can look like their eyes going wide and them paying attention to the plaything, doing the prey butt wiggle, and swiping at the toy. If they don’t want to play they usually just won’t react to what you’re doing or watch you with disinterest and neutral eyes.
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Folk were really into the post I made about Tandie, the zoo lion with a (then) undergrown mane due a period of time on testosterone blockers. He's having quite the glow up this summer.
But!
Did you know that manes are hormone dependent in both sexes of lion?
Let's talk about maned lionesses!
To recap the previous post quickly: the existence of a mane, and it's color, appear to be pretty heavily androgen-dependent. Neutered males or males put on testosterone blockers, like Tandie was, will drop their manes - but like Tandie, if taken off the meds, it will generally grow it back. Darker manes are indicative of higher testosterone levels, and long/lush manes are generally a good signal of a male's fitness and mate quality. Females seem to show a preference for males with longer, darker manes and other males will preferentially avoid scuffles with them. (Yes, as many comments have pointed out, that means Scar was actually a hunk. Do with that as you will.)
The fascinating thing about androgens being linked to manes in lions is that it goes both ways - females with higher levels will also grow manes!
Mane growth in females lions is most commonly seen with elderly animals who have stopped cycling and are basically in lion menopause. And they have to get pretty old for it to happen - captive lions generally only live into their late teens and early second decade, and most of the maned ladies I know about started growing manes around like, seventeen.
Not all old female lions grow manes, but some of the career cat people I've talked to said it happened to about a quarter of the females they've worked with over the years. Which... is an interesting contrast to the news articles about Zuri, who we'll meet in a bit, that breathlessly reported in 2022 that her mane growth "left scientists baffled."
Old lady lion manes are just... precious. They grow in first at the chest and then around the sides or on the back of the head, but they don’t normally get the length, density, and connectivity seen in the mane of an adult male. It leaves the lionesses manes kind of awkward, in the way I associate with very young males, and they're absolutely adorable. Prepare yourself for the photo spam.
I have to start with Daisy, because she's the only maned lioness I've had the privilege to meet in person.
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I don't know exactly when she started growing her mane, but she was over 20 years old when she passed in 2019 with these luscious locks.
Here's another female at the same facility, named Adeena. On the left is a photo of her from 2021, on the right is from this spring (I think she's mid-sneeze in the photo). She turns 20 in October.
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If you've heard about maned lionesses before, it’s probably because of Zuri, at Topeka. She’s the most recent one to get media coverage and she went a little viral.
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(Just a side note here, but I have some strong feelings about knowledge loss in the exotic animal management world due to political/philosophical schisms. This is one of those topics where it's clear: Topeka told a reporter that the zoo had “never" heard of this happening before, but it's common enough to be well known as a thing in other sectors of the exotic cat world. There's so much expertise and knowledge being lost due to infighting between accrediting groups, and it drives me up a wall).
Anyway. Zuri had one of the best manes I've seen on an elderly lioness. It grew long and lush and she totally could have done shampoo commercials. I mean, look at this.
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Zuri lived with her sister, who didn't grow a mane in her old age. Here's the two of them together, Zuri on the left, Asante on the right.
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We don't completely know what's going on with these golden girls to cause them to grow manes. It's theorized to be related to the end of estrus and higher levels of androgenic hormones, although it's not clear if that's just due to lower levels of other hormones during "meownopause" or if there's something else also going on.
There was some speculation with Zuri's mane growth that it was caused by the death of the male she lived with, in some biological need to "take over the role." The zoo dismissed that idea pretty quickly, and it makes sense, although there is one other instance where I've heard of that happening before.
The cat people I've talked to say that older lionesses who grow manes don't tend to act differently - they're not taking over new social roles in their prides or anything. Sometimes they can be less active, or be a little more nervous around males, and want to be left alone more, but it was emphasized to me that those behaviors could also just be associated with the fact that manes tends to develop in elderly lionesses.
The mane growth can happen pretty quickly, as we saw in the photos I've posted of Tandie over the last year. Here's Bridget, from the Oklahoma Zoo. The left photo was taken in March of 2017 and the right in November - look how much hair she gained over six months!
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The zoo did some research into what might have cause Bridget's mane growth, and found that she had elevated levels of androstenedione, which is a hormone that can be converted by the body into either testosterone or estrogen, depending. In AFAB people, it's known to have a masculinizing effect. The zoo theorized that this was the cause of her mane growth, and that the elevated levels might have been caused by a benign tumor. Fascinatingly, though, blood draws revealed that her testosterone levels were the same as her mane-less sister, Tia.
Tia is on the left in the photo below, Bridget and the beginnings of her mane are on the right. Bridget was 17 when her mane started growing in.
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I don't think there's any formal hypothesis that there might be a genetic component to lionesses growing manes in old age, but it's interesting to note that one of Tia's daughters, Zari, also grew a mane. (And she grew it young! It started around age 13, interestingly, also right after their male died). She's on the left in the photo below.
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And to circle back around to where we began: Tandie is related to a number of maned ladies! His father, Xerxes, was Bridget's son; Zari was Xerxes' half-sister.
Here's a few more beautiful maned ladies to leave you with. In order, Ngala, Pepper, Skye, and Dandy Lion.
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Next up, and last in this lion mane series, is the story of five younger lionesses in Botswana who not only have manes but also express a range of masculine behaviors.
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A huge thanks to all the folk who shared photos of and stories about their golden girls for this post: M. Townsen, S.W. Simpson, E. Day, S. Cook, M. Stinner, M. Paul, K. Vanaman, D. O'Halloran, R. Simpson, D. Souffrant.
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