#i just realized--i guess i never posted the sketch for this here?? maybe i only put it on patreon

[sovonight]

color selection is over \o/ now it's just tedium and refinement until the finish line

[alphajocklover]

Unmoved

**beta read by my friend J-bro. Had to post on mobile cause tumblr was being weird. Hope it still looks good**

For the 11th time in his life, Maxwell Hawthorn was moving.

It was his senior year of highschool, shortly after Maxwell’s 18th birthday, and once again Maxwell was moving. The Hawthorns, which consisted of Maxwell, his parents, and his younger brother Chase, were a military family, Maxwell's father being a low level General. Even for military families, the Hawthorns moved a lot. Where most military families moved every two to four years, the Hawthorns moved almost annually, much to Maxwell's frustration. Since he was 5 years old he had moved nearly every year, each time moving to a different state and a different school with a different house. When he was younger Maxwell had been a friendly, adventurous kid who easily made friends, but after making friends just to lose them over and over again Maxwell had formed an anti-social, almost jaded personality. He never got close to anyone anymore, almost always keeping to himself. He kept his room almost completely bare, since he knew he’d probably need to move eventually, and avoided connections. Even his hobbies, mainly sketching and writing, were done alone. Until recently Maxwell had been resigned to the fact that he would probably not make any meaningful friendships till college. But there was something different about this move. He wasn’t just moving, he was moving back.

Willistown was where Maxwell had spent his final 2 years of middle school, and despite only having stayed there 2 years it was the place Maxwell had been most reluctant to leave. It had been before highschool started, so his spirit hadn’t been completely crushed yet, and unlike many of his other schools he had actually been able to make friends. Hell, he had been almost popular. He had actually connected with people and gotten out of his shell. Maxwell had been crushed when he had to leave. He tried to keep in touch with his friends, but he hadn’t heard from Leon or Marigold, his two best friends from Willistown Middle school but he hadn’t heard from either of them in years. Leon had been like a brother to Maxwell, one who shared his love of art and his social awkwardness, well Marigold had been his first crush and girlfriend (though, as it was a middle school relationship, all they did was hold hands). Despite losing touch, Maxwell hoped his old friends would make the final year of highschool more bearable, or maybe even enjoyable.

As Maxwell entered his second class at Willistown high he was worried he had been too hopeful. So far no one had recognized him, or even seemed to remember him. It had probably been too much to expect everyone to welcome him warmly or act like he was an old friend. It had been 3 years after all, and he didn’t remember everyone either. Still he was starting to worry that maybe he had gotten his hopes up too high. Homeroom had been boring as hell, and the school seemed pretty obsessed with sports. The upcoming football season for the Willistown Wolves was all anyone could talk about. Still he hoped he could find someone who remembered him.

“Max?”

Maxwell looked up from his sketchbook to see a truly impressive sight. The jock in front of him was over 6 feet tall, with long dark black hair and piercing sapphire blue eyes. He had a sharp jawline, a charming smile, and bulging muscles that were hidden by his letterman jacket. Maxwell could immediately tell that this was the big man on campus, the stereotypical golden boy, the prom king. This was-

“Leon?” Maxwell realized in shock, almost dropping his sketchbook

“Hell yeah bro! It’s been years dude, how the fuck are you?” The large jock said as he took Maxwell into a bro-hug that Maxwell, in his shock, responded to in kind. “The hell are you doing here man, I haven’t seen you in years!”

“I, I moved back. Today's my first day. I tried to tell you but I guess you changed your phone number or something.” Maxwell sheepishly said “Leon, what… happened to you?” Maxwell asked in shock

Leon cockily flexed one of his biceps, letting it strain the fabric of his jacket “Hehe, yeah, I guess I have changed over the years. Joined the football team in freshman year. Turned out I was a natural athlete.” Leon said. “But look at you man, you haven’t changed a bit. Still got your head stuck in your sketchbook and shit.” Leon said with a deep, slightly dull chuckle.

Maxwell was in shock. The nervous, artistic kid he had been best friends with had been replaced by a huge, cocky, arrogant jock. He didn’t expect Leon to be the same guy he was 3 years ago, but he hadn’t expected him to change that much. He was unrecognizable, and looked like he’d probably have more in common with the jocks who usually made Maxwell’s life hell than he would with Maxwell.

“Bro, we need to hang out after school sometime. Catch up and shit. I got football practice afterschool today but we can meet up after that.” Leon said with a charming smile, playfully punching Maxwell’s shoulder in a way that really hurt. Maxwell scowled at the punch, but held his tongue. This was Leon. He had been his best friend. Even if he was a dumb jock now, Maxwell had to give him a chance.

“Uh, sure. I’ll see you then…” Maxwell said quietly. Leon grinned a charming grin and strut over to his own desk.

Art class had been… interesting. Maxwell had spent most of the class watching Leon chat with his fellow jocks, thinking about how much his old friend had changed. It was clear that 3 years hadn’t just changed Leon physically, but mentally as well. Leon seemed to have lost all interest in art, and was only taking art for an easy A. As Maxwell made his way to the cafeteria for lunch he wondered how his friend had changed so much. 3 years was a long time, but it still seemed like a drastic change in personality. Maxwell was so lost in thought he almost walked straight into… one of the most attractive girls he ever met. Long blonde hair, beautiful green eyes, pouty red lips, d cup tits and a juicy ass, she looked like she had walked right out of a teenage boy's wet dream. Maxwell was so flustered he nearly didn’t recognize her

“Oh my god, Marigold?” Maxwell asked in shock. The blonde in front of him gave a haughty sneer as she looked over Maxwell. Thoroughly unimpressed “Uh, it’s Marie. And who exactly are you?” Maxwell, shocked by her entitled tone, looked at her in shock for a moment. Before he could answer another familiar voice interrupted

“Marie, babe! There you are.” Leon said, strutting over to the blonde without acknowledging Maxwell. He grabbed her by the hips, his manly fingers sinking into her juicy ass, and kissed her deeply and dominantly. Marie almost moaned into the kiss, a submissive, lust filled look coming over her

“Hey baby…” she said, slightly breathless as, after what seemed like forever, the kiss ended. Leon grinned cockily, and finally noticed the shocked Maxwell

“Oh hey Max! Didn’t see you there bro!” Leon said with a charming grin as he put his arm around Maries waist

“Max?” Marie asked, sudden recognition shining in her eyes. She grinned, a happy unrestrained grin that made her look completely different from before and reminded Maxwell of the nerdy girl he had dated “Oh my god, it’s been years! What are you doing here Max?” She asked kindly

Leon answered before Maxwell could “Max just moved back babe! We’re going to be spending senior year with him!” He said excitedly.

“It’s Maxwell.” Maxwell corrected, his voice slightly shy. “And… yeah, I’m spending my senior year as a Willistown Wolf.” Marie lit up at this.

“That's totally awesome Max! I mean, Maxwell.” The blonde said perkily

“You too Marigold. Or should I say Marie?” Maxwell asked, a questioning look on his face. Marie blushed slightly, as if being reminded of an embarrassing old memory

“Yeah. I decided to start going by Marie about 2 years back. Marigold was a little… frumpy, you know?” She said with a bashful smile. Maxwell nodded in agreement, even though he didn’t really agree. What was wrong with Marigold? He always thought that name was pretty. He changed the subject, not wanting to make things more awkward than they already were.

“... So… Since I’m new here, and I don’t have many friends… would you guys mind if I sat with you?” Maxwell asked. Leon and Marie’s faces fell almost in unison, and an awkward feeling came over the trio. Leon was the first to speak.

“Uh, sorry bro. The people we hang out with these days can be kind of… picky, about who sits with them. You gotta prove yourself to them before they let you in. Marie and I have a reputation and shit now and…”

Maxwell didn’t need to hear anymore. Each word was like a dagger to his heart. He tried to keep his emotions in check as he answered, but failed to stop the crack in his voice. “Oh. It’s ok. I understand. I’ll just… go.” Maxwell said, turning and running off, tears rolling down his face as he did. He could hear Leon and Marie yelling for him, but he didn’t stop till he got to the bathroom.

Maxwell's first day as a senior officially sucked. Not only had he been rejected by his two former best friends, but everyone in the cafeteria had seen him running away from them crying. Rumors about what was going on between the two most popular people and school and the geeky new kid were already circling, and none of them showed Maxwell in a good light. Some people said he was a stalker who had been confronted by the couple, others said he was a pervert who had propositioned them. He heard one rumor that he was an old ex, which was technically true but not the reason he had run away. The details changed but the general consensus was that Maxwell was a loser who had deserved whatever he got. His social life was dead in the water.

As soon as Maxwell got home he headed up to his bedroom without a word to his family and went to sleep. The day had been exhausting and he had lost all hope that this year was going to be any better than the one before. He needed to just… be unconscious for a while. By the time Maxwell woke up it was late at night, if the night sky he could see through his bedroom window was any clue. Maxwell sighed. He couldn’t believe how fucked everything had gotten. His eyes locked on a particularly bright star. Without thinking, Maxwell made a wish “... I wish I had never moved away from Willistown…” As he spoke the star got brighter and brighter…

And in a flash, everything was different.

Maxwell woke up slowly, his eyes not yet open. Something was… different. His head felt funny, his body felt heavy, but what was really bothering Maxwell was… the warm feeling surrounding his cock. Maxwell’s eyes slowly opened at first, but shot open as he took in the sight in front of him. Sleeping soundly next to him, completely naked, with her pussy surrounding his cock, was Marie. In shock Maxwell tried to pull out, moving backwards, but found a shiver of pleasure go through him as he felt something inside his ass rub against his sweet spot. Did someone have a cock in his ass? Before Maxwell could panic he felt the muscular arm of whoever was inside him reach over his side and grab at one of his pecs as that someone also kissed his neck. The man spoke, his familiar voice sending shivers of pleasure down Maxwell’s spine.

“Hey babe. You ok? You seem tense.” Leon said, his voice so sensual and erotic that Maxwell almost moaned. He answered without thinking, his voice deeper than he remembered

“Yeah, I’m ok. Just excited for today. First day of senior year only happens once. I mean, hopefully.” Maxwell said, before he and Leon both let out an identical dumb chuckle.

What was happening?! Why was Maxwell having sex with Leon and Marie? As Maxwell internally panicked, memories suddenly flooded his mind.

Maxwell, or Max as most people called him, never moved away after middle school. He went into highschool with his best bro Leon and his girlfriend Marigold by his side. Maxwell’s friendly, adventurous personality made him just as popular in highschool as he had been in middle school, but it was when he and Leon joined the football team together that their popularity really took off. Leon’s story, about joining the football team and turning out to be a natural athlete, was true, but now it included Max joining the team right alongside him. Leon was the quarterback, and Max was his left tackle. Together they were the perfect team. As they got more and more into football their bodies changed, packing on muscle, they became even more popular. It didn’t take long until Max and Leon were the two most popular jocks in school. Marigold had gone through a similar glow up and was the school's head cheerleader. By the end of sophomore year the three ruled the school, and Max was the king.

It had been halfway through junior year that Max got together with Leon. He and Marigold had been dating for years now, and they had long come to the agreement that Max’s massive cock couldn’t be handled by one person. Leon, Max’s best bro, seemed like the only rational choice and quickly proved to be a natural cock sucker. Soon the three were a power throuple, and now, at the start of their senior year, they were ready to take on the world.

Max smirked as he remembered this, and looked down at his new body. Bulging muscles, gigantic pecs and biceps, an 8 pack of abs and a footlong cock that was currently fucking his girlfriend. He looked around his room, seeing his weight set, his football gear, his football trophies, and his multiple naked sketches of Leon and Marigold. Slowly Marigold came too, kisses Max deeply as Leon teasingly kissed his neck

“Are you ready for senior year?” Marigold asked.

Max smirked, looking at his partners “... fuck yeah I am.” High in the sky, invisible in the daylight, a supernova blazed, another wish having been granted.

[slightlyhopefulromantic]

a return to the monsters and mommies au designs, this time properly lined and in color! :D posted in the middle of the night just like last time though because i have problems <3 there are some small changes to these designs, but for the most part i was pretty happy with them so this was mostly just to give myself a color reference for them all lol

gonna ramble about small decisions i made below the cut, but its not necessary at all to understanding the designs! just wanna dump my thoughts somewhere :P

for the most part, the kids' designs are the same as i do them for normal canon, but there are some small differences. i've never really done a proper reference for their kid designs either though, so i guess no one would even notice LOL

freeman family: well, firstly - nick's last name is freeman in this au LOL but its easier to refer to him as nick close so people know who i mean as opposed to nicholas foster. usually, i draw nick close with blue hair (i think he goes through a range of colors, but blue is my default), but i do this because he does it to honor morgan. since she is alive here, instead, his default is pink because thats his favorite color to dye it! morgan and nick both have various bead jewelry because i like to have the headcanon that morgan is really into pony bead jewelry; this is also why all of my nick and nicholas designs have the same trans pride necklace, morgan made it for him :] both nick and morgan wear glenn's old clothes, both of them are wearing his shirts in this piece. aaand morgan has subtle heterochromia as a reference to the split timeline! she always has it, it doesnt just magically happen or anything, but its just a small nod to that.

wilson family: its real important to me that grant got his dad's exact coloration except for his gray eyes, which are all carol. why is this important? i dunno! its just interesting to me. also, carol doesnt usually leave her top buttons undone, but upon entering the forgotten realms, she unbuttons it because otherwise her shirt will pop open while she's doing things (to be honest, as a person with a larger chest myself, her shirt probably still pops open but it does help-!). usually i draw grant with a gay pride necklace, but since he doesnt come out pre-forgotten realms in this au, i tragically had to drop it. i miss my rainbow grant. please come home, baby.

oak-garcia family: i always forget to do mercedes's tattoos in my sketches because tbh i never know exactly what to give her. but! but. this time i just went for it. these tattoos arent necessarily set in stone, but i think theyre cute. the tattoo hidden by her skirt is an oak leaf for henry :] her gem necklace is also the same color as his eyes! her skirt is supposed to be, like, tie-dye or maybe more bleach washed, but i dunno how to draw that so whatever. the twins are, like, 100% the same as usual, i just gave sparrow a pink bead necklace instead of the multi-colored necklace i use for my default canon design lol. also, i think i drew the twins slightly too tall here, which is funny because theyre the only ones who are notably shorter than their mom HDFJKGHK

stampler family: i struggled a lot with what colors to give samantha, because i wanted her to have a bright color palette but not anything garish or patterned. originally she was gonna have a white shirt, but then i realized that would make it so all the moms had white shirts and i just couldn't have that LOL so i ended up landing on red for her! it matches with terry junior, so i thought that'd be cute :] terry's design is probably the most different from my default for him? which still isn't a lot but i swapped his dark blue flannel for a black undershirt instead. i cannot explain why i did this. it just felt right in the moment. i gave him a sweet revenge shirt instead of the usual black parade shirt i give him because... well. if you know, you know. and finally, terry gets a little concert admission bracelet!! i always do that, but i just wanted to point it out because i think continuing to wear an admission bracelet for ages after a concert is a very teen thing to do. i always felt so cool doing that in high school hehe

[mngo-jii]

MC's always so happy and cheerful ☹️ i wonder how everyone would react to her suddenly being a lot more gloomy than usual. could be either romantic or platonic hcs!

“ WHAT’S UP WITH YOU ? ”

characters: daniel page, lottie turner, ivy warrington, robyn thistlethwaite, kevin farrell, cassandra vole + frey twins

letter ✉️: good morning (for those who have the same time zone as i do) for some reason this didn't post and remained on queue 😐.. these might be a little ooc im sorry

★ DANIEL PAGE

he’s the first to notice the way you’re acting.

next to his concern is likely astonishment because he had never seen you this... miserable before

he’s like thats my job!!!

eventually he gets tired of seeing you so gloomy like there's a raincloud over your head, he drags you somewhere that would cheer you up, like maybe a trip to hogsmeade or a shopping spree at madam malkin’s robes.

and he’ll pay for it allll. he’ll get a little annoyed if you insist him that its ok

he watches you the entire time and takes note of how slowly the way you react or behave evolves back to your usual self

but if it’s something a simple trip won’t fix, then expect him to force the reason out of you

he doesn’t mean to be a bit pushy, he’s just so worried and can’t stand the sight of you so sad anymore 😭

you never knew he’d be caught in a position like this but here you are sobbing in his arms

he won’t say much other than a few advice here and there, but he shushes you so gently and coos at you while running his hands through your hair

very relieved once youre better 💯 but don’t tease him for cheering you up or he won’t do this ever again (he definitely will)

he tells you a sad expression doesn’t fit a (pretty) face like yours

★ LOTTIE TURNER

she’s also one of the first to notice after daniel

unlike daniel who’d wait when you two are alone, she asks the second she notices, even during a conversation amongst the group that has nothing to do with you

“[MC] are you okay???” she asks, concern lacing her voice. she interrupted someone when she asked that but it doesn’t matter 😭

why?? because youre sad. and its usually you who comforts them

so this is obviously a very serious problem

she’s very sweet and unlike daniel she'll leave you alone after the 2nd time of you refusing to talk about it, and instead would ask what she can do to comfort you

if you don’t refuse but rather completely break down in front of her, she panics and instantly rushes to pull you in a hug

“oh no no no don't cry im sorry-”

“i don't know what to do im sorry :((”

rocks you back and forth in the hug like a small child and wipes your tears with her thumbs :')

hours later she’s presenting you a little sketch of you and her in some flower field with smiley faces and ‘no sad’ written above

★ IVY WARRINGTON

also doesn’t notice AT FIRST until a little while later or when lottie points it out

strokes the top of your head like you're a cat 😭 “what's wrong, [MC]? :(”

brings you things like maybe flowers, small trinkets, biscuits, and pastries in hopes of cheering you up

honestly can’t function properly knowing you're sad

her mood would switch the moment she remembers you during times she'd usually be really happy and go “[MC] is sad right now :/”

nonstop talks about you, rlly worried

kind of tries to guess why you're sad like

“maybe they’re sad because [some random reason at this point because of the amount of times she tried to guess]”

will give you the best hugs if you let her

“we’ll always be here for you :)”

she squeezes you a bit before letting you go

★ ROBYN THISTLETHWAITE

is a bit awkward about it when she notices but shes rlly worried

“hey.. a-are you okay?” she places her hand on your shoulder when she sees how down you are

also a little astonished like daniel and only now did she realize that this was your first time ever being this way

because usually you were the one helping and looking out for them

kind of feels bad when she realizes that 😞 and also a little guilty

she tells the others about this guilt and eventually it kind of spreads

makes an entire plan with the others like “mission cheer up [MC]”

she’s gonna pop up randomly out of nowhere, like constantly, and will show you something you’d probably like

“hey! hey, [MC]! check out what i got! pretty cool, right?”

“yes its cool i guess 🙁”

“😟”

she tries her best 😭 it’s a little overwhelming but u can’t say it isn’t endearing how much she’s desperately trying to cheer you up

★ KEVIN FARRELL

a little too immersed with other things to notice for a while, but he catches on when someone points it out

doesn’t know what to do 🧍🏻‍♀️

kind of just lets the others take care of you but he gets rlly guilty about it 😭😭

robyn would drag him to help her cheer you up, and he’d comply quite easily because its the most he can do

he’s just as desperate as robyn too

doing your own things silently and having to predict which one of them is gonna pop up is like playing fnaf or something

he slowly starts to see that their efforts aren’t working and tries to convince robyn to do something else

he rlly wants to comfort you himself because he knows its the best course of action at this point, but he’s also a little awkward 😭

now he feels guilty about that TOO ☠️

when robyn pointed out you were always there for them he was guilty. when he just stood aside and let the others work it out he was guilty. now he feels guilty because his friend is literally SAD but he’s too awkward to go up to them 😭

he rlly worries about u, he rlly does! pls dont take it that he doesnt 😞

★ CASSANDRA VOLE

side eyes you

“can any of you little rascals tell me why they’re doing that ?”

“doing what...”

“doing that.”

gets annoyed because you dont react at all when she’s there 😭 as in you’re so stoic-faced and miserable it doesnt feel real

is very deep in thought as she stares at you from a distance

she doesnt wanna admit shes worried about you but she definitely could not stand you ‘looking like that’ anymore

glowers at your friends’ ‘useless efforts’ on cheering you up

life gets boring for her because you honestly dont care anymore, and your other friends are too busy with you to pay attention to her or the twins

eventually she just gives in

“i’ll show you all how it’s done”

after classes you return to your dorm to see a gift wrapped in gold on your bed with a letter beside it

when you open it, it’s something that you’ve been wanting for a really really long time but couldn’t afford :') how did she know about it? well it’ll remains mystery

“you look hideous with that look on your face. wipe it off. - C.V”

while the letter could have been nicer, she means well, but she wont admit it

★ bonus: THE TWINS

really REALLY confused and salty 😭 they’re probably the most confused of the bunch

while robyn and kevin desperately try to cheer you up at the most random times, they don’t rlly stop being pricks randomly for a while

it’s not to make you feel worse it’s just to desperately get to see you react like how you used to 😭

life gets boring for them too. like i said, the others are also too worried about you to pay attention to them

fischer will just go “pshh. whatever. let’s go” and marches away

but colby approaches your friends. “aye, what’s going on with them? 😒”

they’re taken aback and go like “why would you care”

he scowls at them and says that he doesnt that he just wants to know

they dont tell him and it makes him more salty

dont expect them to do anything they just keep their distance for a while until you feel better ☠️ you dont know if they do it out of niceness or because theyve gotten bored but wtv

[pepperonidk]

Moon River || j.w.w.

MASTERLIST

Pairing: Jeon Wonwoo x f!Reader

Summary:  Soulmates can communicate with each other through journals. When one writes or draws in theirs it shows up in the other’s.

Warnings: absolutely none, it’s PURE FLUFF. so sweet you’ll get cavities ;)

Word Count: 1020

A/N: This is one of the first things I had written soo be gentle with this lmao. Very cozy rainy day vibes, grab a warm beverage, put on some good music, and a fuzzy blanket. (btw this is posted on my marvel blog @capwogers)

Hey soulmate, it’s me again. Today was a great day, even though it was storming all day. I actually really like stormy weather. Do you? I spent all day in bed and finished reading that book I got last week. I wonder what I should read next. Any recommendations?

xx Stardust

The curly loops and feather-light strokes of her handwriting filled the lines of his journal, as Wonwoo read his soulmate’s entry. Her handwriting had become more than familiar to him. He had seen it develop from the sloppy and shaky scrawls from when they were in kindergarten to the neat and compact letters on the page now. Wonwoo couldn’t help but question the whole soulmate thing. How could you possibly know so much about someone without even knowing something basic like their name? It’s a cruel joke, Wonwoo decided. He and his soulmate had tried before, but their names would not show up on the paper, leaving them to create code names for each other.

 But names weren’t the only thing missing. Wonwoo wondered if his soulmate lived near him. He looked out the window and saw the overcast sky, full of dark clouds. If she lived nearby maybe it was possible he’d seen her before. He tried to imagine what she might look like, the slope of her nose, the curves of her lips, the hybrid of colors in her eyes, all the details that could never be described properly with words. Wonwoo was a hopeless romantic and couldn’t help it when his heart sank at the realization that he just doesn’t know. He had always wanted to draw her, and every time he tried to do so in the journal, she would tell him that his sketch was lovely, but he knew he wasn’t drawing her.

Darling, I wonder a lot about where you are. It’s storming here too, so maybe you’re not that far away. I guess I do like stormy weather too, the thunder is oddly relaxing. And you finished it already? You definitely deserve an award, that dedication is unbeatable. As for recommendations, I hear Kafka’s got some interesting work, depending on how you feel about bugs. Today was kind of rough for me, but it’s alright. I’ll take it easy tonight.

Talk soon, Moon River

Wonwoo filled in the next few lines after hers, and signed his code name in his extravagant cursive. Both of their nicknames were references to their favorite songs. Wonwoo had an old soul, and it was evident in his taste in music. He would often let her know when he had found a new old song for her to listen to. Although her taste in music was a lot more current, she always enjoyed hearing Wonwoo's music as she felt it brought her a lot closer to him. 

Shutting the cover of his journal, Wonwoo thought about his plans for the rest of the evening. It had been a particularly stressful day at practice, as it always was when the boys disagreed on anything, and he really did not want to sit alone with his thoughts in his apartment. So he grabbed his umbrella and his journal and made his way to his favorite cafe. The rain had lightened up outside, slowing down to a light drizzle and made his walk down the few blocks all the more peaceful. He took in his surroundings, trying to memorize the details of the signs of life around him so he could draw it all out on paper.

Now inside the cafe, Wonwoo was relieved to see that it was not so full. He didn’t want to be alone in his apartment, but he also didn’t want to be alone in a room saturated with people. He ordered his coffee and sat down at a table by the window. Outside he had a clear view of the small bookstore across the street and people scurrying as the rain started coming down stronger. He pulled out his journal and began to draw underneath his entry a sketch of the scene outside. With his headphones in, Wonwoo didn’t realize how much time had passed until he noticed his soulmate had written underneath his drawing.

You’re missing something.

xx

Wonwoo raised an eyebrow at the writing, and directed his confusion at his drawing. What was he missing? He turned his head to look back at the bookstore. There were the shelves of books, somehow still dry under the awning, which was a shade of green darker in some spots because of the rain, the paintings of white daisies on the window, almost faded out now, and the bench in front of it where a girl sat with a book in front of her. Had she been there this whole time? How did he forget to include her?

Directing his attention back to the sketch, he began to draw her in, not bothering to look back up in fear she might notice him staring at her. Her figure quickly came into being on his replica of the flower shop when he noticed another line of writing appear on the lines.

Those are hearts on the rain boots, not polka dots.

xx

Confident that he saw polka dots, he looked up just in time for him to make eye contact with the girl on the bench. His first thought was simply that she was pretty. His second thought was one of panic and fear that she might think he was creepy for staring at her. His third thought was when he put two and two together and realized he was staring at her. At that point he stopped thinking, dropped his pencil and ran out of the cafe.

 Wonwoo practically ran to her, but came to an abrupt stop a few feet in front of her. She stood up from her seat in the bench and smiled at the incredulous expression etched on Wonwoo's face. “It’s about damn time,” she laughed.

Still shocked, it took Wonwoo a few seconds before he finally replied, “I’m Wonwoo,” he stuttered out breathlessly. “And you’re my soulmate.”

[your-sweet-cookie]

Important announcement, please read

Mun speaking: Hey guys, I'm posting this now since I'm seeing that a lot of you are online so maybe you'll see and read this. I just want to let you know that I am honestly NOT doing okay at all emotionally speaking. I've been actually hurting deeply for quite some time and due to recent events, I have finally hit rock bottom and just can't take this anymore: Thing is that lately I've started to feel extremely unwanted and unloved by the community and that my relevance on here has dropped to nothing (best proof being my activity stats that dropped to under 10 notes on more than one occasion these past few days and maybe weeks), soo I guess the haters were right, in the end I am nothing but a boring person with an even more boring character.

And it's okay, you don't have to lie to try to make me feel better, because I just know it's true and even if I tried to be strong, I just can't do it anymore. There were more factors that contributed to this and I'll try to briefly explain them:

First of all, no one reaches out to me to send in stuff outside of memes and no one wants to talk to me, except 2-3 people with whom I'm mostly only talking about stuff outside of RP anyways. The stuff I usually got in my inbox were just memes that never got feedback or went anywhere and If I disappeared it's clear that no one even noticed, so it means that my presence on here truly is useless, life moves on without me anyways. All my ships are dead, all my threads ignored/forgotten and my inbox is an empty desert.

Then, there were of course the haters. At first I thought they were just a bunch of jealous people, but now I realize they were right, I am just a no one who nobody likes and I am just tired of receiving pity from others, since it won't change a thing. If people truly cared, then they would've proven the haters wrong with concrete action, but since no one did so, it's too late to change the facts now.

And lastly, what hurt most, was the way I was treated by those I saw as friends, who just decided to just abandon me one day without any further notice. I won't name names, but just know that what you did truly hurt me because I trusted you and I cherished you! Yeah, I am not perfect, I make mistakes, but I believe that I am entitled to at least one explanation and a 'break-up' note to at least allow me to move on knowing that there's no more hope left for that friendship. Ghosting someone is never the right answer!

With that said (which I am sorry if it came out as mostly bitter, but I'm emotionally drained completely), I've decided to retire from the RP community, since it's became literally painful seeing the dashboard go on given the current circumstances. This acc won't be gone, I'll keep it for memory's sake and to maybe post artwork related to Kukki and her friends from time to time, make memes and chat with the Muns I am still close with. In regards to the all-mad-hare's event, I will still deliver my entry since the sketch is almost done and I am very pleased with the result, but I just wanted to let you guys know that I will stop using this acc for role-playing because I just can't go on like this anymore. There's no pain worse than feeling horribly alone, despite being surrounded by soo many people. I just don't have any drive or motivation left for writing. It was fun at first while it lasted, but now it's just painful and I'm tired of crying everyday and feeling anxious and stressed whenever I see the dash going on and then remember that no one gives a fuck about me.

With that said, I hope there won't be any hard feelings and know that I still love you guys and so does Kukki, but even the strongest warriors have their limits and this one reached hers.

Wishing you all the best, S

[kayrllylikesblitzwing]

I wanted to post my oc strobe tonight but I realized that DESPITE being my second ever tf oc not only does she not have a full reference design sheet but she doesn’t even have any UNFINISHED SKETCHES of her BY HERSELF so here’s some shitposts and animatic things that have her I love strobe

ALSO BLITZWING IS IN THIS POST YAY trust me HES IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!! also I drew Blitzwing differently in the video because that animatic is OLD. AS. BALLS. I changed how I draw him a while ago after I saw this AMAZING design of him

Anyway here’s all you need to know about Stroeb I can’t give lore because my mutual rp friends follow me and they aren’t allowed to know yet :(

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Strobe is a joke character but she did make my friend cry for like 2 days when she died in rp so I guess she does have an impact or something LOLOL

STrobe is a super romantic high-energy FIEND who hates other women and wants to be One Of The Boys. Though she lacks common sense and a filter, she’s actually pretty intelligent when it comes to math, engineering, health science— all that jazz. Not very good in the English department though…

Strobe is known for getting in people’s business and holding grudges. If you wronged her once, even if it was megacycles ago, she still remembers it and is still plotting how to get back at you. And since she’s so nosy and curious and knows how to ask around and get good information, she knows exactly how to ruin your day… OR LIFE!!!! Maybe not that dramatic maybe not life but emotionally she’s pretty angry all the time lol

All in all basically a very unstable pick-me-girl who will have a vendetta against if you identify as a woman or instantly want to marry you if you’re a guy. She loves men btw she loves men a LOT…. Specifically BLITZWING… but it’s not mutual LOL

To elaborate on that random fact (and to explain why Blitzwing is in every SINGLE DRAWING) Strobe is compleeeeetely in love with Blitzwing and follows him around really wants him to like her but Blitzwing is too busy watching football and eating veiner schnitzel or something to notice idfk. Blitzwing really sees her as like a semi-annoying younger sister than a girlfriend (and plus I lowkey headcanon Blitzwing is just asexual + aromantic leaning in general THATS MY HOT TAKE he’d rather sing nursery rhymes and kill people than hold someone’s hand!!!) so would never date her she gets friendzoned constantly

(I also headcanon random is gender fluid I DONT KNOW WHERE ELSE TO PUT THIS headcanon But It’s here LOL ANYWAY)

ALSO I should probably end this with saying IN THE Little toddler phone thing with the stupid bugs and blitzwing the pink bug is NOT strobe’s child that is her clone. Very long story. But she has a clone. The clone’s name is chitter and she is a very sweet little baby who has gotten kidnapped at least 3 times so far in the rp she’s in Oops

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ive had someone ask before if chitter was blitzwing and strobe’s child and the answer is No! but the more I look a chitter especially when she’s colored in the more I realize she does look like it….

:(

[monsterfloofs]

Sorry to bother but if you are taking request could you please write something with the artist reader drawing/sketching pictures of Thaddeus. Possibly at first unbeknownst to him because it started as the reader just casually practicing sketches of him since he was the first thing to come to mind to finding pretty moments with him that they just had to draw out. Become something of a muse to them and maybe him finding them with his reaction to his admirer.

Oh my gosh you are absolutely not a bother!! This made me so happy to see, you have no idea QAQ ) I may not always have the motivation to work on a big continuation project. I am guessing this is the same person who also enjoyed my other story with another goofy vampire named Lawrence. While I was so extremely flattered that you asked for continuations I struggle a lot with motivation and my ever fluxing attention span. I am very thankful for your patience and understanding! (I am actually beginning to wonder if I don’t have some form of ADHD because I have been reading and noticing some things that line up to other people’s experiences that I never realized before.) A-anyway! Teddy is one of my favorite comfort characters and it is extremely, extremely, EXTREMELY heartwarming to see an ask for a short of something so sweet with him. This brings me absolute joy and I am so glad he brings you some joy too! His original story was super self indulgent. And I was actually really hesitant to post the original story, but I am glad I did.

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(Vampire) Thaddeus x Anonymous Reader

It was raining, the soft hush of sound filled the dark quiet streets, once in a while accompanied by rolling thunder overhead. You turn your back from the window, stepping back towards the fire in the hearth. The soft crackling glow of its warmth casting its wavering shadows into a room filled wall to wall with books.

You had gone out to go walking in the silent streets. Searching for a new place to sketch and new inspiration to guide your hand. This had led you farther into the heart of the city than you had anticipated. Its large gothic columns looming above you, stained glass windows staring down like watchful eyes tracking your progress down the cobblestone streets. The few people you met staring distrustfully as you passed them. You had done your best to smile, and appear friendly, but you were only met by frosty countenances that sunk into your bones. You had just settled down and began to start drawing underneath a large lamp post, when you felt the familiar plunk of rain on your nose. Small dark splotches began to appear on your open sketchbook. That was when the weather had turned to a downpour as the sky opened up above you, it had sent you hurrying back towards home. Trudging through the door bedraggled in both appearance and spirit.

At least my sketchbook is dry, you thought to yourself. Squeezing your sketchbook in alongside the other countless books that lay in disarray on the coffee table. They sat like an endless game of puzzle pieces, every couple of days a new configuration of books would show up. You left your book amongst the labyrinth to stand warming your hands by the fire. Trying to rid your thoughts of the looks that had been cast your way.  It was. . . depressing. No matter how much you tried to get along with the other citizens of Wroughtworth, nothing stuck. Distrustful glares cast over perfect shoulders.

What you first thought was going to be an adventure, a place to start over had left you feeling discouraged. Your push dripping hair away from your face and sigh. Maybe you hadn’t found your niche after all. Perhaps your hopes had been set too high. You turn, lost in thought, head bobbing in surprise as you see the figure of your host reclining in one of his reading chairs. An open book perched on a knee, you were surprised you hadn’t stirred him from his nap. At least he had been a friendly face through all of this. . . He was the reason you stayed here as long as you did, Thaddeus was someone you cared a lot about. You stare silently, watching the flickering fire light cast shadows over a serene expression. You wander back to the coffee table, picking up your sketchbook and pencils, sitting opposite of him in front of the fire.

You silently flick through the pages of your book. Sketches of buildings and drawings of people. As you progress further in your book, there are more sketches of Teddy than anything else. Feeling heat rising to your face, smoothing your hand over a blank page. You prop the book on your knees, your eyes peering over the sketchbook you begin to draw. Keeping your head down and every so often looking up to study the sleeping figure. You had just begun to softly shade in the shadows, letting your pencil delicately waft against the paper when you hear a shift, and you freeze.

“Dear me, I must have nodded off there,” You peer up from your sketchbook to see Thaddeus moving his glasses to wipe his eyes. Expression brightening when he sees you. “Ah, back already I see, find any new inspiration in the city?”

You shake your head quietly before speaking up, “The storm brought me in,”

Thaddeus blinks and looks up as a faint rumble of thunder echoes in a theatrical reply. He smiles, “I see it’s still going on.” you nod wordlessly, closing your book and resting it on your lap. 

“Working on something secretive in there again?” His soft smile turning into a cheeky grin. “Your newest tour de force, perhaps?”

You blink in surprise, “My what?” Thaddeus waves his hand, “Your newest sensational artistic masterpiece dear! You haven’t let me see your sketches in a while now!” He leans forwards in his chair, steepling his fingers together, eyeglasses glinting in the firelight.

“You must be working on something very important within those pages.” 

You give a shy huff of laughter, lips twitching into a faint smile before you shake your head again. “Oh. . . no, no, nothing like that. I’m not that talented Teddy.”

“Oh please- I said it before and I shall say it again! I am honored to house such a sensitive artist under my roof!”

You laugh, hugging the sketchbook to yourself. “You can’t tell me you’ve never taken up any hobbies like that,”

Thaddeus shrugs, picking up his half opened book and crossing his legs, “Oh, here and there I have dabbled in a few things. At one point I was fond of writing poetry.” You scrunch up your nose playfully.

“And what is that look for?”

“If I know anything about your literary preferences Teddy, I can only image the type of poetry you’d write,” you quipped playfully

Thaddeus gives a mock gasp, placing a hand over his still heart. “Why I’d never! You wound me! How could you say such a thing!”

You bite back laughter as he tips up his nose, “So what if I enjoy my sensual romances? They are the only excitement I can get in this dreary house when I am alone!”

You put a hand to mouth, catching him glancing at you with an affectionate smile. “Actually, I have you to thank for making my life more exciting than usual.” He hums as his voice softens. “I have always been fond of your company, and perhaps this is selfish of me to say, but it has been extraordinarily lovely to share my home with you. I shall miss you, when you choose to travel back home.” 

You tense up, quick to look away and avert your eyes, “I. . .” You pause, swallowing the lump that has formed in your throat. “I f-feel the same way.” 

He grins, eyes crinkling up as he gives you a snaggle toothed smile. A hint of fangs poking out from around his lips, in a charming almost boyish grin. He snuggles himself back against his armchair, looking extremely pleased with himself as he returns to his book. That grin still etched into his features. You can’t look at him without your heart feeling a surge of warmth.

—----------------

(Time jump here, to include him seeing the pictures!)

“I– I can get it!” You panic, scrambling to try and pick up the free falling pieces of paper.

“Oh it’s really not a problem my dear– I,” He looks down having picked up the book and a handful of the scattered pages. Lips parting to make words that never reach his throat. His pallid face turned a pale pink. 

Your expression twists, “Is this. . . me?” Your heart starts breathing fast and heavy, adrenaline flooding into your blood. Thaddeus wipes his head around, eyes going wide. “Oh– Oh, dear it’s alright! Really it’s alright!” 

You can feel tears coming and as your expression crumples, looking down through a distorted looking glass that wobbles and blends colors together. “I– I’m so sorry,” You choke out in a panic, “I am so sorry,” voice high as it turns into a rush of emotion, “Y-y-you m-mean a lot to me, and I–”

You feel an arm go around you, and suddenly you are pulled close. You feel lips on the top of your head. Biting your lip to try and quell your tears, as your expression wobbles. 

“Sh, sh, sh, – I’m not upset, really! I am flattered!” 

You snuffle, trying to wipe your nose with the back of your hand. 

Thaddeus gives a small sigh, turning his head to rest against yours. His own eyes look glossy as he gives a tight lipped smile.

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Enjoy what I write? I have a tip jar!ヽ(*ᵔ▿ᵔ)ﾉ

[our-time-is-now]

September 2, 2019: Maybe suppressing it wasn’t the best thing to do?

(previous play)

You can find more information about the authors, translators, content warning and additional information about the plays in the pinned post on our blog. 

 Attention! This play includes transgender topics. For more details see our interjection.

Monday, 9:42 am:

WhatsApp, David/Matteo:

David (09:42): I cleared the breakfast table and did the dishes and now I miss you. But I guess I’ll get through it… somehow ;-) I know, I already told you, but I wish you a good start and I’m thinking of you. I’m curious to hear what you have to tell me about it tonight! Don’t let anybody flirt with you :-P See you later!

Matteo (09:44): I’m sitting in the subway and I miss you. I’m nervous somehow… But I’ll just think about the fact that I’ll see you when the day is over and then it’ll be okay. And hey, I can’t control that, I can only promise you not to flirt back ;-) See you later :*

David (09:50): I understand that you’re nervous. That’s somehow normal, isn’t it? I’m sure tomorrow it’ll already be better. Or over the course of the day. It’s nice that you don’t want to flirt with anyone. Maybe you should also mention every 30 minutes that you have a great boyfriend whom you love above anything ;-) Just so everyone knows and nobody gets any ideas… I’ll go unpack the rest of my clothes… there’s not much left. We shouldn’t have unpacked so much yesterday so that I would have more to do today… I hope you have a lot of fun! See you later!

Matteo (09:52): I’m there now and I’ll go inside in a minute. So only a quick reply: Good luck with unpacking and with passing the time, I’ll be in touch in my break :*

David (10:22): I know you’ll only read this later, but is it okay if I rearrange the stuff on the shelf a little differently? If I mix our stuff a little? I think that’ll look better… or should we rather keep everything separated?

David (10:38): You know what I just noticed? I’ve never(!) been at the flatshare all by myself… and now that I realize it it’s somehow really weird…

David (11:14): Well I just put everything into the shelf how I wanted to. If you don’t like it, then I’ll rearrange it again.

David (11:47): I’m almost done with unpacking the boxes. It’s still more than 6 hours until we see each other again. What did I do before I had you?

David (12:01): The post guy rang. I accepted a package for our upstairs neighbors. And I didn’t know if that was okay. Was that okay? Do we like them? Or are they stupid and we don’t accept any packages for them?

David (12:15): When did you say your break was?

Matteo (12:37): Finally on my break! And 6 messages from my boyfriend, what a reward. So one thing after the other: Of course you can rearrange the shelf, you can rearrange everything the way you want to. If I don’t like it, then I’ll just put it back again ;-) Did you get used to being at the flatshare all by yourself? You can loudly call “Hello Ech” and see what happens ;-) And I don’t know what you did before you had me. I know what I did before I had you: I smoked weed and played video games. I don’t know if that’s the best recommendation. :-) And haha, yes, the upstairs neighbors are okay. Well it could actually be three different apartments, but they’re all okay. And what are you doing now? Did you already eat? Everything’s okay here, by the way. Kay gave me another introduction, explained the house rules, introduced me to a few colleagues. I’ll start at the café at 1 pm and then I’ll continue from one thing to the next… we’ll see. I’m already looking forward to tonight… I think I forgot what you look like, you should send me a photo ;)

David (12:45): Yeah! A sign of life! Nice! :-) I’m slowly getting used to the empty flatshare - earlier I even briefly considered leaving the door open while peeing… but then I closed it out of habit, after all. But playing video games really is a good idea. Or sketching. I used to do that in the past. But I’m no longer sure if that’s even fun if you’re not sitting next to me making some weird comments… but I’ll give it a try. I haven’t eaten yet. I wanted to bring some empty boxes to the basement in a minute so that they won’t stand in the way anymore and then I wanted to go shopping. Do you need anything in particular? Should I buy you a after-work-beer or something? Your day actually sounds quite chill so far. I hope it’ll stay that way. Is everyone being nice to you? Has someone already flirted with you? I’m also really looking forward to tonight! *sends a photo of him looking very sad and below it it says: “I miss you!”* *immediately adds* And what did you look like again? Did you change over the last three hours?

Matteo (12:49): *smiles when he gets the photo and immediately saves it in his David-file* *then answers* Thank you for the beautiful photo. Peeing with an open door sounds great, you should just do it next time :) And yes, you should sketch, you can just imagine that I’m there making some stupid comments, I’m sure that’ll work… I don’t think that I need anything from the store, there should still be some beer left, you should check how much is left from the move. And yes, everyone is really nice and keeps telling me that I should always ask if I have any questions and so on… And no, miraculously enough no one has flirted with me yet, I can hardly believe it, either :-P *then sends a photo where he pouts and underneath it says: “ I miss you more!”*

David (12:55): I’ll test the peeing thing later… and in case anyone should come home early then I’ll just tell them that it was your idea ;-) I’m happy that everyone’s being nice to you. Although I would have been surprised if that weren’t the case! I’m sure it’ll get excited again later once the kids arrive. I hope you’ll get the chance to have some coffee and that you won’t have too much to do straight away. I’ll think of you when I sketch something! I promise! And when I go to the basement… and shopping… and the bathroom… and all the time, anyways! Anytime and any place! See you later, tesorino! <3<3<3

Matteo (12:58): Of course, it’s always my fault, that’s okay. Okay, I have to get going again, let Iris show me the café and everything. Hopefully I’ll also be able to have some coffee along the way. I don’t know how often I’ll be able to check my phone, but feel free to text me, I’ll just be happy whenever I look at it… Mi manchi, tesorino <3

David (13:34): I’ve just been to the basement and your bed actually would have fit in there, as well… at least since the second table is also in the kitchen. But I think it’ll be better taken care of at Alex’. It’s warmer there and it smells better. And it can talk to my stuff. Now I’ll go peeing again (yes, with the door open) and then I’ll go shopping… anche tu mi manchi!

David (14:02): *sends a photo of an apple that looks like a heart* I just had to think of you… <3

David (14:04): Oh and I just remembered: We already have half of our separation behind us! Yippieh!

David (14:37): There’s still no one here. I just made coffee and put the groceries away. Now I’m sitting in /our/ room (yes, I admit - at first it said “in your room”) on our bed and I’ll sketch a little in a minute… somehow the thought that for now every day will be like this is a little weird… that for now, we’ll be separated for so long every day. I don’t even remember this anymore. It’s so nice to always have you around. And now we’re faced with stupid reality… pfff… but we’ll somehow get used to it… and then be the more happy about it when we’re back with each other again.

David (15:23): *sends a photo of a sketch of him sitting on the bed sketching and Matteo lying next to him commenting on his sketch* *adds* I imagined that you were lying next to me… <3

David (15:42): The One by Kodaline is another song that fits us… sappy but nice. <3

David (16:20): Yeah! Hans is back from work! I’ll have a coffee with him now! And in a little more than two hours, you’ll finally be back here again with me!

David (18:00): YOU'RE DONE!!! So? How was your first day? Hurry up! I’m yearning for you!

Matteo (18:11): God, Schreibner, 8 texts, that’s embarrassing, one could think you miss me or something ;-) I’m at the stop now waiting for the city train. Should be here in 3 minutes and then a 17-minute ride and then a 5-minute walk and I’ll be there. But your afternoon sounds nice, the sketch looks great and the apple is very sappy. So it fits us :) What did you buy? Should I cook something for us when I’m home? I’m hungry… surprisingly enough. See you soon <3

Matteo (18:16): I’m on the train and there’s this guy opposite me who keeps looking over in a weird way. I thought I’d better keep myself busy with my phone…

Matteo (18:18): Oh and I don’t know The One you’ll have to show me later…

David (18:24): Dude, Florenzi - 3 texts within 17 minutes… you’re almost worse than I am :-P I bought all kinds of things. Only delicious stuff - and the apple. I figured we could do with some vitamins… Good thing that you’re hungry! So am I! But you don’t have to cook anything today… See you soon! :-*

Matteo: *has still read David’s answer but didn’t reply* *arrives at the flatshare around 6:40 pm and slightly runs up the stairs* *unlocks the door and immediately thinks that he can smell something* *wonders if Hans has cooked* *closes the door and was just about to call out when David already comes out of the kitchen* *beams automatically* Hey… *reaches him with two steps and hugs him* *presses his nose against his throat and breathes him in* *murmurs* Missed you!

David: *even though Hans has offered to help him, he had insisted on making a casserole all by himself and thought that it was nice that Hans retreated to his room to give the two of them some alone-time* *had been sitting in front of the oven for a while observing the casserole* *had tried how it tasted beforehand and thought it tastes quite good* *hopes that the taste doesn’t change too much in the oven* *eventually sets the table and puts out a beer for Matteo and a glass of water for himself* *then hears the front door at around 6:40 pm and feels his heart skip a beat because he’s so happy that Matteo is back again and also because he’s a little nervous to find out what Matteo will say to the food he prepared* *walks toward him and sees him beam* *can’t help but to beam back and holds Matteo in his arms less than a second later* *presses him close and kisses his neck* *makes a grumbling sound of pleasure and murmurs* So did I… *then moves away from him a bit and tenderly kisses him on the mouth before he lets go of him and takes two backwards steps into the kitchen* *is a little nervous now, after all, and points at the oven* *grins slightly and then says a little proudly* I cooked!

Matteo: *gets a kiss and actually wanted another one, but isn’t fast enough because David has already moved two steps away from him* *follows him into the kitchen and looks at the oven* *then hears David’s words and gapes at him* YOU cooked? Awesome! *squats in front of the oven and looks inside* Pasta casserole? *gets up again and grins at him* Thank you, now I’m really excited… *pulls David close again because he didn’t have him close for way too long, and wraps his arms around his waist* *tilts his head and grins slightly* How much longer does the food take? Do we still have some time?

David: *laughs quietly* Yes, awesome! *says a little teasingly* You and Laura weren’t there so no one could stop me… *lets Matteo pull him close again and wraps his arms around his neck* *slightly tilts his head and thinks, but then nods with a slight grin* We still have some time… *then kisses him again, this time a little longer, and squeezes him closer* *eventually murmurs in complaint* 9 hours are really long… do you have to go back there tomorrow?

Matteo: *laughs slightly* I’m very curious… if it’s good then you’ll always have to cook for me during the week now. *grins slightly and grins even more when he says that they still have time* *kisses him back and wraps his arms around him a little tighter* *immediately shakes his head at his question* No, I’ll quit tomorrow… *kisses him again and then a little longer once again* Or I’ll demand that you can come with me… then you’ll have to quit university, of course, so that you can come with me.

David: *laughs again quietly* Always!? Well, we’ll see… otherwise you might forget how to cook for yourself or something like that… *nods happily when Matteo says that he’ll quit tomorrow* Hmm… I’m all for it! *returns his kisses and plays a little with his hair* *grins slightly at his suggestion, humms in agreement and kisses him again* I will… *kisses him again and then says* Or you’ll just work from 10 to 2 and I’ll come with you and I’ll go to university from 2 to 6 and you’ll come with me in turn… *kisses him for longer again and then puts his forehead against Matteo’s* *enjoys it that he’s back again, but now asks more serious and with interest* Did you have a nice day?

Matteo: *grins slightly at David’s counterproposal* Sounds sensible, we’ll do that. *kisses him back and closes his eyes for a moment when their foreheads touch* *but then pulls back a little when he hears his question and nods slightly* Yeah, it was good, but also a lot… I was pushed around a lot, but that’s just how it is at first… on Wednesday I have to work earlier because Sannik is going to take me with him… the café shift was quite cool, somehow there’s always something going on there and there are a lot of different people there… *then hears a timer and looks at the oven* Should I take it out?

David: *listens to Matteo and smiles slightly* *was just about to answer him when the timer goes off* *shakes his head at his question and kisses him again* I’ll do it… why don’t you sit down… *lets go of him and grabs the pot holders to take the casserole out of the oven* *says in the meantime* But it’s somehow normal that it’s a lot at first… I’m sure it’ll get better over the next few days… *plates the casserole on the plates he had already taken out of the cabinet* What kind of people were there? And how did the teenagers react when they met you? *carries the plates to the table and grins slightly* *asks teasingly* Did one of them already flirt with you? *sits down and grabs his cutlery*

Matteo: *laughs slightly* Oh, the full service… not bad… *then sits down on the spot where there’s already a beer* *thinks when he hears his question* All kinds of people… apparently there are two, three groups who are regulars and come in pretty often… but today only one of them was in, but they all were really nice and introduced themselves and so on… *then laughs and shakes his head* No, nonsense… no one did… *then also reaches for his cutlery* And I also don’t think that they will…

David: *listens to him again and smiles* Sounds really nice… *then hears that no one has flirted with him and laughs quietly* Or you just didn’t notice… that can happen… it already happened to me… *briefly looks at the food and then at Matteo* Well then… enjoy… and to your first official day of work! *puts the first bite onto his fork and adds with a slight grin* And to us, because we managed to survive the first nine hours of being separated… *blows on his noodles and then puts them in his mouth* *thinks that it actually tastes pretty good, but still steals a glance at Matteo and waits for his verdict*

Matteo: *laughs quietly* Yes, that can happen… when you come visit me, then you can tell me… *smiles slightly and leans over again to kiss him* Enjoy, and thanks for cooking… *then also puts the first bite onto his fork and then hears David’s words* Oh yes… it was really tough… but I guess that’s good training for the weekend… *grimaces slightly when he thinks about it* *but then takes the first bite and was about to smile when he sees that David is watching him* *therefore stays serious and looks at him* Well, this is… *slightly shakes his head, but then grins, after all* ...really delicious! *immediately eats a bigger bite*

David: *nods with a slight grin* I will do that… and I’ll introduce myself to everyone as your boyfriend! *then smiles when he kisses him again and when he thanks him* *shrugs slightly* I thought to celebrate the occasion… *also grimaces when he mentions the weekend and groans quietly* *murmurs* I want to suppress that thought until Thursday, okay? *then watches Matteo when he puts the first bite into his mouth and looks skeptical when he stays so serious* *but then sees him grin and hears that he likes it and gives him the secretary’s-office-look, because he kept him in suspense like that* *murmurs* Ass… *but quickly looks peaceable again and adds* But it’s nice that you like it… maybe I’ll really do that more often from now on… *also puts another bite into his mouth and then asks* And did you already see any workshops or courses or anything?

Matteo: *laughs slightly* Just to make sure… *nods immediately when he says that he wants to suppress thinking about the weekend* Yes, I would also like to… *then laughs again when he calls him an ass* No, really, it tastes great! *grins and nods* Sure, do that… I’m happy if there’s food on the table when I come home… *puts another bite into his mouth and nods at his question* *chews and swallows* Well most courses are on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, but today the ‘Youths’ had an unscheduled meeting, that are all LGBT guys up to 19 years, and it’s lead by Ines and Jana, but Jana is a volunteer…

David: *is quite glad that Matteo also still wants to suppress thinking about the weekend and then really quickly pushes it aside* *is really happy that Matteo likes the food and hopes that now he’s allowed to at least sometimes help with cooking when he wants to* *but usually likes their separation of chores and that Matteo usually cooks* *therefore pffs slightly at his macho comment and says* More often isn’t always… every now and then… if I feel like it… and miss you especially much… or something… *then listens to him when he keeps telling him about Lambda and realizes that somehow this is a completely different kind of conversation they are having - that right now, Matteo is really telling him about his day and what he experienced* *briefly imagines what it will be like when he’s in university, as well, and when they can tell each other about their days in the evening and smiles at the thought that they then will really have something like an everyday-life together* *but then quickly concentrates on Matteo again and nods at what he told him* And were you also there today? What kinds of things are they doing there? Or do they just talk and hang out?

Matteo: *laughs slightly* That was only a joke… I can also still cook when I come home from work… or can bring takeaway or whatever… *then nods slightly at his next question* Yes, but not for thaaat long, only in the beginning… and yes, they are doing a lot of different things, sometimes they only hang out, sometimes they have specific topics that they are talking about, sometimes they cook or go to the movies or do other things together… *takes another bite* I think the main thing about all of these courses is to be together with likeminded people…

David: *grins slightly* Bringing takeaway also sounds nice… we just can’t do that too often… otherwise it’ll get too expensive… *listens to him when he tells him about the group and smiles slightly* That sounds cool… having something like that… a group of likeminded people. *has to think about the fact that he never had that - that he didn’t even know anyone gay or lesbian, because in Lychen and Fürstenberg they either didn’t exist or they didn’t dare come out - and that knowing a real person with similar problems might have done him some good* *takes another bite, chews and then says with his mouth half-full* I should have made use of the time today to take a closer look at their homepage… *swallows* What else is there? Only such general groups or also more specific ones? Like groups only for gays… or something like that?

Matteo: *nods when he says that it sounds cool* Yes, it is, I think… well there’s also a group for older people, but they meet up later… there’s one only for female bisexuals, the BiChicks, and then there’s one for trans youth, the Transformerz… *smiles slightly* I’d like to meet the person who came up with the name. They always meet up on Mondays and Fridays at 6:30… *takes another bite and then says* There’s nothing only for gays, at least I didn’t see anything in the program… most of them are also led by volunteers, especially the ones who meet up later in the day…

David: *listens to Matteo and grimaces in amusement when he mentions the name of the trans group* Transformerz?! *laughs* Oh God… *shakes his head and finds the name very horrible* *still hears the rest of what he tells him, but his thoughts are somehow still with the trans group* *nods and humms when Matteo finishes* *swallows down his bite and then asks hesitantly* And in the trans group… *slightly shakes his head because he’s pretty sure that Matteo can’t tell him too much about it yet* *therefore starts again* Hmmm… you probably don’t know too much about it, yet, either… well, how many people are in this group… and if there are more ftms or more mtfs or something… *briefly lowers his gaze and then laughs quietly* *grimaces slightly and then asks* Does it somehow sound stupid if I tell you that I really would like to meet someone who’s also trans? I mean, live… and not just via the internet… *puts another bite into his mouth and then shrugs and says* Maybe I should check it out…

Matteo: *laughs* Yes, I also find it… meh... *then looks at him when he’s interested in the trans group* *smiles slightly* *says almost apologetically* No, sorry, I don’t know any of those things, yet… but have a look at the homepage, I think there’s also an email address, I’m sure you could also write them… *immediately shakes his head at his question* Doesn’t sound stupid at all… before I met Hans, I’ve never met anyone gay, either… or well, not that I was aware of… *then grins broadly when he says he should go there* Yes, totally, do that… you’ll have a whole bunch of trans people there and you can pick the cool ones to become friends with…

David: *nods when Matteo says that he doesn’t know anything about the trans group yet* *already thought so* *grins slightly when he says that before Hans, he’s never met anyone who’s gay and says* Well, with most gay people… or many people from the LGBT+ community in general, you can’t really tell… *takes a sip and nods again* *then laughs quietly* Well, I wouldn’t necessarily go there to make friends with anyone… that would be more of a cool side effect. But it would be nice to just exchange experiences… or to see what doctors the others have and stuff like that… *stabs a few more noodles onto his fork* But if the group is on Fridays, then I guess I’ll postpone this to sometime after the mastectomy… *realizes once again how quickly all of this is happening now - this Friday, Matteo won’t be here, and the Friday after that is already the date of the mastectomy* *but now prefers to quickly change the subject instead of thinking about that* And do you already know what’s planned for tomorrow?

Matteo: *nods immediately* Yes, sure… but just no one where I knew about it… *then grins when David plays it down* Yes, I get it… just how others feel… I’d also be interested. *then nods when he says that he’ll postpone it until after the mastectomy* Yes, once you recuperated… then you can also immediately talk about it if you want to. *shakes his head at his question* No, not really, Kay said that tomorrow, there’ll be a few people from the team there that weren’t there today and he wants me to accompany some of them… so I’ll see… *takes a big bite*

David: *humms in agreement when Matteo says that he can talk about the mastectomy and keeps eating* *can’t really imagine telling strangers about it but thinks that it might be different if the people are also trans… that some of them might also already have had their mastectomy or some of them might also want to do it* *smiles slightly when Matteo tells him about his not-so-real plan for tomorrow and takes a sip before he answers* But that also sounds quite chill for now… *then looks at him lovingly, because he realizes once again that Matteo has started work and that he has already finished his first day* *realizes that he’s really a little proud of him and eventually asks quietly* And did your nervousness subside over the course of the day?

Matteo: *nods immediately* Yes, I think so, too… to first get a bit of a feel of what goes on there during the day and such… *takes a big bite and then has to chew and swallow first before he can answer* *washes it down with a big gulp of beer* Well, that really went quite well… Kay also immediately noticed and told me that it’s totally normal if you’re nervous on your first day, but that I don’t have to worry, that everyone’s nice and will answer questions and so on… *shrugs one shoulder and grins* And it’s true… *then takes the last bite from his food and leans back* And what about you? Is my… umm… our room completely rearranged and redecorated now? *grins slightly*

David: *also nods* Exactly… and that won’t be much different during the next few days… until you have an idea of how things are done and so on… *then listen to him and is happy that the nervousness disappeared over the course of the day* *smiles* I’m happy for you - that sounds really good… *then sees that he has finished his food and points at the oven where the casserole is* Do you want more? I’m afraid I made too much… *grins very broadly when he also slips up when it comes to talking about their room* *shakes his head and says with a grin* /Our/ room looks good… almost like it did this morning… only with fewer boxes and fuller shelves and desks… I still have some stuff lying around on the desk… especially the sketches that were up in my old room. I’ll have to see what I’ll do with it. I really need a new folder to store them - my old one is pretty full. Maybe I’ll go into town tomorrow to buy a new one… *also pops the last bite of food into his mouth*

Matteo: *grins slightly when he says that he’s happy* Thanks, yes, I hope I’ll quickly be able to get the gist of it… *then looks at the oven and considers briefly* No, maybe later… and if not, then the others would surely also be happy about food… *listens to what he tells him and nods* I want to have a look at it in a minute… but hey, you can also hang up some of it or so… you always said that my walls are so bare… *drinks another sip of beer* You do that… kill some time… *smiles slightly*

David: *nods and shrugs* Hans already ate… he said he can only eat some bread in the evening if he already ate at the cafeteria for lunch because there are some secret fats in the cafeteria food that are bad for his figure or something… *hasn’t really been listening to Hans and instead only nodded in understanding* And Linn and Laura want to go see a movie - they’ll surely eat something on the way… but I’ll just put it in the fridge… then we’ll finish it tomorrow… *nods when Matteo says that he wants to have a look at the room and then briefly gnaws on his bottom lip at his suggestion* *nods hesitantly* Yes, true… they are… but I didn’t want to just hang up things… *slightly shakes his head* You can have a look later if you like some of it and then we’ll think about where to put it together?

Matteo: *nods at his information about the roommates* I see… oh, the way I know me, I’ll be hungry again in an hour… *then looks at him a little confused* Huh? Why not? *also shakes his head* Hey, that’s also your room now, and I want you to feel at home there and that you decorate it… and if there’s something I don’t like, then I’ll tell you… but of course you can just hang up things… *briefly thinks about if there are any exceptions* You’re just not allowed to take down your gift from above the bed… and if you want to put up naked women or something, then we also might have to talk again for a moment…

David: *looks back confused when Matteo looks confused* Well because… *then stops because the only argument he can think of is that saying they are Matteo’s walls doesn’t count any longer* *realizes that it’s apparently difficult for him, after all, to fully realize it* *smiles slightly at Matteo’s next words and nods slightly* *says quietly* Okay… I’ll trust you that you’ll tell me if there’s something you don’t like… *smiles even more when he says that he isn’t allowed to take down his gift and nods* *then laughs loudly at his last thought* Oh damn… now I don’t know where to put all my posters of naked women… maybe Hans wants to have them… *leans forward and kisses him briefly* *asks quietly against his lips* What am I supposed to do with naked women when I have /you/, huh?! *moves away again and grins slightly* *then reaches for their plates and collects them to wash them later* *is quite glad that he has already cleaned up the chaos from cooking and that now he really only has to clean the plates and the cutlery so that they’ll have more time to themselves later*

Matteo: *grins when he agrees with him* You can do that… *then laughs slightly* Hans will surely want them… or Abdi… hey, Abdi for sure. *then grins into the kiss and then shakes his head* Charmer… *sees him get up and clear the table* *also gets up and helps him carry everything to the sink* I can do the dishes… you already cooked…

David: *grins when Matteo mentions Abdi and nods in amusement* True! So /if/ I had countless posters of naked women, /then/ I’d surely give them to Abdi. *laughs quietly* We better not tell him - otherwise he’ll be sad that he won’t get any… *smiles when Matteo helps him carry the stuff to the sink and offers to help* *lets water into the sink and slightly shakes his head* It won’t take long… you can already cover the casserole and put it in the fridge... *then looks at him and lightly bumps his shoulder against his* *realizes that he’s really yearning for him and that he has to catch up on some physical contact and is already looking forward to their time in their room soon*

Matteo: *laughs* Yep, but this might be an idea for his next birthday… *looks skeptical for a moment and considers arguing with him about doing the dishes, but then drops it* *gets the tin foil out of the cabinet and covers the casserole* *then puts it in the shelf of the fridge that now has the post-it “Matteo + David” on it* *then steps behind David, who’s still doing the dishes, wraps his arms around him and puts his head onto his shoulder* *can see that he only has the cutlery left to clean* *kisses his throat and grumbles slightly pleasantly* *says quietly* Let’s go to bed soon?

David: *starts doing the dishes and, out of the corner of his eyes, watches Matteo cover the casserole and put it into the fridge* *then feels his arms around his stomach and slightly leans against him while he cleans the cutlery* *is tempted to close his eyes when Matteo kisses his neck and also grumbles quietly and pleasantly* *nods at his question and puts the cutlery on the sink to dry* *just stays in Matteo’s arms for a moment, but eventually grabs the dish towel from next to the sink and dries his hands before he turns around in Matteo’s arms* *leans his forehead against Matteo’s and now really closes his eyes for a moment* *then kisses him tenderly onto his mouth and quietly asks again* Bed?

Matteo: *smiles slightly when David stops a little and holds him a little tighter* *also closes his eyes when David turns around to him* *tenderly kisses him back and nods immediately* Yes, please! *slowly pulls away from him and leads the way to their room* *takes a look around and then turns around to him with a grin* Looks good… like you have been living here for months… *pulls him close and kisses him again* *then pulls away again to take off his shoes and drops down onto the bed*

David: *smiles when Matteo agrees to the bed-plan and follows him to their room* *grins slightly when he looks around and then hears his comment and lifts his eyebrows in amusement* That’s what I’ve actually been doing… the only thing that was missing were a few personal things… *briefly wraps an arm around his hip when he pulls him close, returns his kiss and nudges his nose against his before they pull apart again* *closes the door and laughs quietly when he drops down onto the bed at the same time Matteo does* *then scoots up so that his head is a little higher and holds his arms out for Matteo* *waits for him to cuddle close, then kisses his hair and asks* And what do you think how long it will take us for our yearning-batteries are recharged again?

Matteo: *immediately crawls into David’s arms and puts his head down on his throat* *grumbles pleasantly* Hmmm… at least one hour… if not two… *wraps one arm around David’s middle and kisses his neck* *then just stays like that for a moment before he quietly says* It was really weird so completely without you… when I was at the café, one of the teenagers told a joke and I immediately turned around to see if you’re also laughing… *laughs quietly* Now I don’t even remember the joke…

David: *wraps his arms around Matteo and also grumbles pleasantly* At least one, two hours, I’d say… *runs his hand through his hair and kisses his forehead* *then closes his eyes and enjoys having the familiar closeness and the familiar Matteo-smell back* *listens to him when he starts talking and nods slightly when he says that it was weird today* *can understand that* *smiles slightly when he tells him about the teenager and squeezes him a little closer* *murmurs quietly* I’m sure I would have also laughed… *then admits* I’m no longer used to the quiet when I sketch… I mean, it’s not like you usually chatter all the time… but you just sometimes laugh if you read something funny… or you’re happy if you manage a level or you huff quietly if you screw up a level… or sometimes you just reposition yourself on the bed… I never noticed how much of a difference those small sounds make and show me that you’re there… I only noticed that today when they were no longer there… *really felt like he was alone for the first time in a long time and realized that this fact bothers him much more than it used to*

Matteo: *laughs quietly when he says that he would have laughed* I think so, too… *then listens to him when he tells him that he misses the small sounds* *can somehow understand that* *then remembers that David didn’t have a problem with being alone before they got together* *feels this pleasant tugging and turns his head a little so that he can kiss him properly* *says quietly* I’m sorry that I wasn’t there to huff… and that you can no longer be alone because of me… *kisses him again and then smiles slightly* Although, no, I’m not sorry for the latter…

David: *slightly moves towards Matteo when he realizes that he wants to kiss him and returns the kiss* *then grins slightly when he apologizes that he didn’t huff, but then gets more serious again and slightly shakes his head at his addition* *tenderly cards through his hair when he kisses him again and then also smiles when he takes his apology back* *swallows slightly and then says quietly* And you don’t have to… you just showed me pretty quickly that being alone is actually pretty crap… *then turns a little more toward him, so that he can look at him better, and tenderly runs his hand over his side* *finally says with a slight chuckle* Maybe I’ll record a few of your noises soon and play them when you’re not there…

Matteo: *smiles slightly when he says that being alone is crap* I think so, too… *wraps his arm around him again when he turns to him* *then laughs at his suggestion* That’s a little creepy… but if it helps then do it… *grins slightly and kisses him again, simply because he’s on withdrawal* But then I also want messages from you that I can listen to when I miss you too much…

David: *laughs quietly when Matteo says that this is creepy and shrugs one shoulder* No idea if it’ll help… but it’s worth a try… *grins slightly when Matteo kisses him again and then also kisses him* *then sighs quietly because right now he finds it so nice that Matteo is with him again* *nods with a slight grin when he hears his demand* You’ll get that… I’ll start tomorrow! I’ll take turns with sending you voice messages and written messages… *tenderly puts a hand on his cheek and briefly kisses him again before he asks quietly* Do you think we’ll get used to it quickly… that we won’t be together as much anymore?

Matteo: *grins slightly* Very nice… *kisses him back and runs his hand a little along his side* *then sighs at his question* Don’t know… it sucks somehow, because I actually don’t want to get used to it… but on the other hand, it’ll just be a big part of our daily life from now on… *looks at him and pouts a little* What do you think?

David: *nods at Matteo’s answer, because he knows exactly what he means* *smiles slightly when Matteo pouts and runs his hand over it to wipe it away* I don’t know… *briefly closes his eyes and sighs briefly* I don’t want to get used to being so happy to have you back… and I want us to continue to text each other so much when we don’t see each other… and that we’re thinking of each other… but… no idea… I think I also want that the yearning won’t stay that strong that you can barely think of anything else… *slightly shakes his head* Maybe I just felt like this today, because I’m really not used to it anymore… and because I didn’t really have anything important to do. Maybe it’ll get better when uni starts and we both have our everyday life… *grins slightly, kisses him again and says* Because that actually doesn’t feel that bad, either… being able to say that /we have an everyday life together/… *emphasizes those words especially and shrugs one shoulder with a grin* ...a little like an established couple with routines… *smiles and lets his hand slip into Matteo’s hair* ...as long as it doesn’t get too much everyday life or we somehow lose each other in it or something… but earlier, when you told me about your day… that was somehow pretty nice, wasn’t it?

Matteo: *nods slightly when he talks and when he seems to understand what he wasn’t able to voice as well* Yes, exactly… well I do want to miss you and be happy when we see each other again… but exactly, it shouldn’t be so prevalent somehow… *slightly nods again when he talks about everyday life* *laughs slightly when he emphasizes the words like that* *then grins* Yes, exactly… when we both have arrived in our everyday lives and when everything gets a little more in a routine… and we still are happy and do something and so on… *runs his hand through David’s hair and plays a little with the strands* Yes, I also found that nice… having an exchange about how our days were and what happened… *then sighs slightly and kisses him again* But I still love spending my day with you the most…

David: *is happy that Matteo seems to understand what he means and nods* Exactly! *closes his eyes for a moment and smiles when Matteo starts playing with his hair, because he somehow likes it how he sometimes totally loses himself while he does that* *humms in agreement and says quietly* Exactly. And in October, when university starts, then I’ll also have more exciting things to tell you than what happens at the flatshare over the course of the day - which is nothing, because everyone’s at work. *grins slightly, but gets more serious again when Matteo kisses him again* *feels a strong tingling of love in his stomach when he hears his next words, because the fact that Matteo feels the same makes him so happy and because it’s still unbelievable and unreal that he’s the one who can make sure that Matteo is doing good and that he’s happy* *smiles at him lovingly and says quietly* And when I can spend mine with you… *puts his hand on his cheek and suggests* The next time when we have a day all to ourselves, we’ll make something special out of it, okay? With eating in bed and movies and a lot of talking and making out and such… umm, unless you’d rather do something… then we can also do something… *briefly wonders when they might have a day all to themselves again, but stops thinking about it when he realizes that this definitely won’t be the case during the next two weeks*

Matteo: *humms in agreement when he talks about October and university* *smiles when he returns his words and tells him that he loves spending his days with him the most* That’s a good fit, then… *looks at him when he puts his hand on his cheek* *smiles at his suggestion and nods immediately* No, I don’t want to do anything… only you and I… *already wants to talk about Saturday when he remembers that he won’t be there on that day and that after that, there’s already the mastectomy* *sighs slightly* Then on the Saturday after the mastectomy… then you can’t really be very active, anyways, so we’ll spend that day in bed… *remembers that then they’ll also have to forgo sex and regrets the fact that they didn’t enjoy the last weekend they had all to themselves more consciously*

David: *smiles and nods slightly when Matteo says that they won’t do anything when they have a day to themselves again* *then hears him sigh and also sighs quietly at his words* *grimaces slightly and tenderly strokes his cheek again, but then lowers his hand and turns this head toward the ceiling in thought* *briefly gnaws on his bottom lip and then says quietly and a little bitterly* More likely on the Saturday when I’ll be back from the hospital… in three weeks… *sighs again quietly and then looks at him again with raised eyebrows* Three weeks… *slightly shakes his head and then says* I feel like somehow we’re moving from an absolute non-stop couple quality-time phase into a non-stop constantly missing-each-other hardly-time-for-each-other phase…

Matteo: *nods slightly when David corrects him bitterly* Yes, that’s what I meant… well I’ll also be at the hospital on Saturday, but I meant when you’re back again… *grimaces when he emphasizes the three weeks so much again* *shakes his head* No… well maybe a little… but we’ll see each other, all the time in between and as often as we can manage… *then sighs slightly* Yes okay, this weekend will be hard… but then… *looks at him and stills the hand in his hair* We’ll just make the best out of it when we see each other, okay? *also thinks that David is somewhat right, btu wants to cheer him up and doesn’t want him to feel so dejected*

David: *frowns when Matteo puts his words a little into perspective* *thinks that he’s right about it, of course, when he says that they’ll see each other as often as possible, but still thinks that it will be a huge difference to how it was before and especially how it was on their holiday* *grimaces slightly when he mentions this weekend and doesn’t really think that it will be easier afterwards because then - if at all, they’ll also only have the evenings to themselves and that he’ll have to go to the hospital immediately afterwards* *nods at his words, even though right now he feels like being apart from Matteo bother him much more than it does him* *wonders if it’s because Matteo will be busy - both now during the week as well as on the weekend - and thinks that then it’s somehow obvious that he doesn’t have as much time to miss him* *still thinks that this somehow sucks* *sighs quietly and nods again* Yes sure, of course… we’ll do that… *turns away from him and then reaches for the bottle of water next to the bed* *sits up and takes a sip*

Matteo: *sees David frown and even grimace slightly* *suddenly regrets having worded it so offhandedly and wonders if he might have angered David with it* *hears his answer and then sees him turn away and even sit up* *says softly* Hey… the battery isn’t fully recharged yet… *sees David continue to drink and also sits up* *turns so that he’s sitting across from him and looks at him* Hey, do you think I like that? I don’t want that, either… not at all, zero, oh a negative thousand… I… *slightly shrugs one shoulder* I thought that it’s easier if I play it down…

David: *smiles slightly when Matteo says that the battery isn’t fully charged yet, but somehow still needs a moment to himself right now* *out of the corner of his eyes he sees that Matteo also sits up, and lowers the bottle when he sits down across from him* *hears his question and shrugs* *thinks that they never really talked about it - only briefly one time when they saw the plan - and that they managed to suppress this topic quite well over the last few days and weeks* *slowly screws the lid back onto the bottle while he listens to Matteo and suddenly feels a little relieved when he hears how little Matteo wants to go to the seminar* *then shakes his head a little at his last words and murmurs* Somehow it isn’t… *then exhales slowly and says* We never really talked about it… we always kept saying that we didn’t want to think about it just yet… but the question is when do we want to think and talk about it… I don’t know, we can’t just think about the fact that you’ll be gone for three days on Thursday or Friday night… *slightly shakes his head and looks at the bottle while he quietly admits* When you played it down just now, I thought that it might not bother you as much… and that I’m maybe making a fuss and that I should pull myself together…

Matteo: *sighs slightly when he says that this somehow doesn't make it any better* *listens to him and has to agree with him* *says carefully* Maybe suppressing it wasn’t the best thing to do? *shakes his head at his last words* But I do care… a lot… and yes, maybe you’re right, maybe we should talk about it… because I have this feeling that this will happen again in the future… that there’s a lot to do, at work for me or at university for you… *grimaces slightly* And it sucks if then we’ll only suppress it… *looks at him and then says a little hesitantly* So a round of honesty, okay? I’ll start. *takes a deep breath* I have no idea how I’m supposed to manage two nights without you. I’m scared about that the most. That I’ll be lying in this stupid bed and that I’ll miss you so much that I won’t be able to sleep.

David: *smiles slightly at Matteo’s words and shakes his head* Not really, no. *looks at him again when he says that he does care and smiles again, albeit a little sadly, because he doesn’t really want them to “suffer” like this, but because he’s also relieved because apparently Matteo sees it the same way he does, after all* *then nods when he says that this will happen again and murmurs quietly* Yes, a real everyday life… *nods again, this time a little more, and exhales in relief* *smiles when he proposes a round of honesty and nods* Okay… *looks at him and listens to him* *would love to embrace him for what he’s saying, but somehow feels like right now, the distance is doing them some good so that they can concentrate better* *instead looks at him lovingly and says quietly when he finishes* I’m also scared of the nights… and that I won’t be able to fall asleep without you… *slightly shakes his head and says hesitantly* Maybe then we can simply text each other? And before we go to bed, we’ll definitely talk on the phone again? I’d say we’ll talk on the phone until the first one of us falls asleep, but I’m afraid you won’t get a single room…

Matteo: *immediately realizes that David is also scared about the nights and now understands even more why his tactic of taking it so lightly earlier wasn’t good* *immediately smiles at his suggestion* Talking on the phone sounds good… well then I’ll just go outside and we’ll text when we’re in bed… and send each other embarrassing photos that could be used against us… *really feels a little better now, because they were able to talk about it and develop mechanisms against it* *carefully nudges against his knee* Now it’s your turn… round of honesty… let it all out…

David: *grins slightly when Matteo talks about embarrassing photos, but then says a little desperately* Yes please! And not only at night in bed! The whole day! Every hour or something… *laughs quietly and lowers his gaze a little embarrassed* Yes, okay, you maybe won’t be able to manage one every hour… but… no idea… just often… *feels that talking about it did him some good and wonders why they haven’t done this much sooner* *then gets nudged against his knee and looks up at him again* *sighs quietly when he tells him that it’s his turn now and gets more serious again* I’m scared of the scope… I mean, it’s more than 50 hours… and today I was always able to cheer myself up by remembering that you’ll be back in a few hours or minutes… I think with the normal everyday life that we’re about to face it’ll be okay at some point… we’ll both be able to manage that, I’m sure of it. There will be days where it’ll be easy and days where it’ll be difficult, but even on the days where it’s difficult you can be comforted by the fact that it’ll only be a few hours until we see each other again… but an entire weekend… with so many hours… *shrugs slightly*

Matteo: *laughs slightly when he demands a photo every hour* I’ll try my best… as often as I can manage… *slightly tilts his head and listens to him* *can understand his fear and also thinks that a weekend sounds like forever and insurmountable* *suddenly has to think about his mother, who, when he didn’t want to tidy up, used to tell him to just start with one corner* *says hesitantly* You know… maybe we shouldn’t think of the weekend as a weekend…. maybe we should just think about it in smaller sections… for example, the lunch break is in three hours, then we can talk on the phone… or in 10 minutes, I can go to the bathroom again and send you a pointless message… you know, we can break up the weekend into small sections… bit by bit… hour by hour… minute by minute…

David: *smiles slightly when Matteo says that he’ll try and that he’ll get a photo as often as possible* *frowns slightly when he suggests to not think of the weekend as a weekend, and at first doesn’t quite understand what he means* *but then smiles a little when he gets it and mulls over the thought* *smiles more when he finishes and when he’s talking about breaking it up* Breaking it up, huh… *laughs quietly and nods hesitantly* I think that would really make it easier… do you think you’ll get a schedule or something like that? Of what the day will look like? Something so that we can orientate ourselves? *would really like to have something like that, so that he can imagine at least to some extent what Matteo might be doing at that moment if he misses him too much*

Matteo: *nods when David seems to understand* Exactly, break it up… *then also smiles slightly at his question* I hope so… and if not, then I’ll just ask… they’ll surely have some agenda… I’ll take a photo of it for you… *reaches his hand out for him and manages to take his hand* So we’ll try it like that, okay? And if it’s totally stupid, then we’ll tell each other straight away, alright?

David: *smiles when Matteo says that he’ll take a photo of the agenda and nods* Yes, please! *then laughs quietly* And I’ll also make you one… of my incredibly eventful weekend! *sighs quietly and realizes that he’s slowly starting to feel a little better* *entwines their fingers when Matteo takes his hand and looks at him* *nods at his questions* We will! *then tilts his head a little and asks with a smile* Anything else for the round of truth? Anything you’re scared of, anything that sucks, anything that we have suppressed talking about?

Matteo: *laughs slightly when he says that he’ll also make one* Very good, then we can coordinate the times when we’ll talk on the phone… *automatically tilts his head, as well, when David does* *slightly presses his lips together when he hears his question, because he has to think about the mastectomy* *but doesn’t know if he should mention it, because there isn’t a solution to make it any different* *but thinks that they are honest and that they said that they shouldn’t suppress it any longer* *sighs slightly* Your surgery… well I know we already talk about it… and I actually also know what’s about to happen and what the risks are and such, but… I’m still scared, and sometimes… when I think about it then I have to force myself not to think about it, because… otherwise I’ll get scared… *takes a deep breath and then adds* And I know that you’re really looking forward to it and I’m also really happy for you, but I’m still scared.

David: *nods immediately when Matteo mentions the mastectomy, because just then he realizes that this is also a topic that they are very good at suppressing and postponing really talking about* *listens to him seriously and wishes once again that he could somehow relieve him of this fear, but is pretty much aware of the fact that that’s not really possible* *slightly shakes his head when he finishes and squeezes his hand* Matteo, I don’t doubt for even a second that you’re not happy for me! The one thing doesn’t have anything to do with the other, okay? *sighs quietly and thinks about what he could say about his fear and eventually says hesitantly* And I think it's totally and absolutely legitimate to be scared. I sometimes feel like you think someone would judge you for being scared for me. But that’s not the case. And even if, then just screw them. You’re allowed to be scared! And you’re also allowed to say that you’re scared. And even though there’s no solution or cure or anything about the fear at that moment… *slightly shakes his head* … no idea… then it might be some use if you’re not alone with that fear? *shrugs one shoulder and looks at him carefully* I don’t know… is that any use? *scoots a little closer to him and tenderly runs his hand through his hair and over his cheek* *then leaves his hand there and says quietly* I’m also scared! *knows that his fear isn’t comparable to Matteo’s and also feels more happiness and disbelief than fear, but thinks that it might be important for Matteo to hear that he’s not the only one who’s scared* *therefore adds* And Laura… and my mother… and Linn…

Matteo: *smiles slightly when he confirms that he knows that he’s happy for hom* *finds it good to hear that he can separate that* *swallows slightly when he says that it’s legitimate to be scared and that it’s nothing that you have to hide* *then hears his question and slightly shrugs one shoulder* *doesn’t really know if it will help* Dunno… maybe… *presses his lips together when he says that he’s also scared and when he lists even more people who are scared* *doesn’t think that this helps him very much because the fear is his fear* *tries to put that into words* I don’t know… of course other people are also scared, I know that… but I think that doesn’t really help… that’s their fear and not mine… I just have to learn to somehow deal with my fear…

David: *tenderly strokes his cheek again, but then lets go of him again to give him the necessary space to think* *listens to him and nods hesitantly* *still takes a moment to understand what he means and asks hesitantly* And did you… *slightly shakes his head and stops, because at that moment he realizes something different* *smiles slightly and asks hesitantly* Wanting, not having to, right? Well you don’t /have/ to learn how to deal with it, you rather /want/ to, don’t you? *shrugs one shoulder* Sorry, I was somehow thinking about your grandmother… *then takes a deep breath and gets serious again* *then does pick up his question from the beginning, after all* Did you already try something? Or do you have any ideas what you might try? *thinks that suppressing and avoiding might not be the best strategy*

Matteo: *looks a little confused when he stops his question* *but then has to smile immediately when he corrects himself* True… I /want/ to learn how to deal with it… *smiles slightly* It’s okay, she’s right… *tilts his head when he then asks his question* *fumbles with the blanket with his free hand* Hmmm, well, yes, I try to rationalize it… well I try to argue with myself with logic… that statistically speaking, it’s totally unlikely that you won’t be able to tolerate the anesthesia… that the success rate of your surgeon is very high… stuff like that… *shrugs one shoulder* Sometimes it works better, sometimes not so much…

David: *smiles when Matteo laughs and agrees with him about his grandmother* *then listens to him, humms in agreement and nods slowly* *has to think about the fact that this was one of the methods that he used to utilize with his therapist and that he used to tell him that it’s all a matter of practise* Hmm, but that’s already a good start… *hesitates briefly and then says a little hesitant and disjointedly* Back then, when I was doing so badly… the weeks before I came to Berlin… I also had a lot of fears back then… and some of them weren’t really rational, either… that was the time when I wasn’t able to sleep. Then I suddenly had thoughts such as… no idea… if I go pee at school, what if they’re lying in wait for me in the bathroom… what happens if they come into the changing rooms during PE… what happens if they have connections and cause my name change and change of personal status to be rejected… and I had dreams that kept coming back… that I will no longer get a prescription for testo and that my transition goes the wrong way… or that my hair suddenly grows again and I wasn’t able to find scissors to cut them again… stuff like that… *slightly shakes his head as if to pull himself out of his thoughts* *sighs quietly and looks at Matteo* *doesn’t really want to talk about himself and therefore quickly adds why he told him about that* And back then, my therapist had a few different methods that he showed me and that we tried… *grins slightly* One of them was exercise and burning off energy… because when you exercise you don’t think that much and because you’re able to fall asleep faster if you burnt off energy and because you’re too tired to think… that’s probably not an option for you, is it? *then gets more serious again* But also relaxation methods… progressive muscle relaxation and certain types of meditation… *shrugs one shoulder* But that wasn’t really my thing because I found it difficult to really relax… but maybe it would be an option for you…? *absentmindedly unscrews the water bottle again and takes a sip* Well and one method… that actually worked quite well eventually… it’s similar to what you’re already doing, just… somehow more visual… *briefly gnaws on his bottom lip and then has to chuckle slightly* *slightly shakes his head* I don’t want to somehow give you therapy or anything… I’m not even able to do that, anyways… but if you want to, then I can show you… *shrugs one shoulder* Maybe it’ll also be helpful for you…

Matteo: *listens to him when he talks and would really like to hug him right now* *but can also feel that he’s actually getting at something different and that they’re not done yet* *smiles slightly when he mentions burning off energy* No, I don’t think that’s my thing… *then nods slightly when he mentions relaxation* *thinks that before he met David, he sometimes really did something like that, with music or with weed, even though that probably wasn’t the best method* *then laughs slightly when he says that he doesn’t want to give him therapy* It’s okay… *nods hesitantly when he says that he can show him* Yes, I’d like that…

David: *grins slightly when Matteo confirms that burning off energy probably isn’t his thing and murmurs quietly* I thought so… *then sees him nod at his words about relaxation, but can’t really say much on that topic and thinks that someone else would have to show that to Matteo or that he would have to do research on it* *eventually smiles slightly when he agrees that he can show him the method and can feel that he’s a little nervous and flustered, because he hopes that Matteo won’t find it stupid and that it might help him in the long run* *takes a deep breath and scoots a little closer to him so that they’re sitting cross-legged and facing each other* Okay… *looks at him* There are three steps… or phases… whatever… and you have to keep repeating them… the aim is, in the long haul, to replace the negative images in your head with positive ones… *hesitates, but then reaches for his hand, because he always found the first phase to be pretty difficult and he doesn’t want Matteo to feel a lone with it* *says quietly* Close your eyes… *waits for Matteo to close his eyes, swallows slightly because somehow he finds it so unbelievable that Matteo trusts him so much that he goes along with all of that* *quietly clears his throat and then says* And now you have to deliberately think about the thing you’re scared of… imagine your fears as images… well… no idea… an image of me lying in bed and… *stops because he doesn’t want to say it out loud* *instead says* ...well basically your worst images of what might happen… *squeezes his hand a little to signal him that he’s here and that actually everything is good*

Matteo: *smiles slightly when David also sits down cross-legged* Okay… *also looks at him* *then listens to him attentively* Three phases, okay… *looks at him in surprise when he takes his hand, but squeezes it, anyways* *immediately closes his eyes when David tells him to* *takes a deep breath and exhales and tries to relax* *but then swallows hard when he hears his first request* *thinks about David in a hospital bed, with his eyes closed and not moving* *but mostly thinks about that because David has started like that* *but realizes that this isn’t the worst, because this way, he can at least see David* *therefore thinks about a doctor that tells him that he’s in critical condition and that he can’t see David and that he isn’t able and allowed to tell him anything else* *swallows again and squeezes his eyes shut a little tighter* *nods slightly to indicate that he’s imagining it*

David: *is quiet and watches Matteo closely and a little worriedly* *sees him swallow and hopes that it won’t be too bad for him* *sees him squeeze his eyes shut after a while and would like to hug him, but doesn’t want to disrupt his concentration* *then sees him nod and says quietly* Okay… and now really imagine this image as a literal image… as a photo or poster or placard… as something that you can destroy… and then think about how you could destroy it… hmmm… you could tear it up and throw it in the trash… or burn it… or pour paint over it… or a beaver could come along and eat it… *smiles slightly and then says* But definitely something that completely destroys the image, okay? *is quiet again and gives him time to imagine it*

Matteo: *can still see the doctor in his mind’s eye who coldly and without emotion tells him one bad piece of information after the other* *needs a moment until he’s able to concentrate on David’s voice* *manages to freeze the image of the doctor and imagine it as a poster* *would normally laugh about the thing with the beaver, but is too concentrated right now* *imagines red paint that he pours over the poster* *but then thinks that this reminds him of blood and changes it to blue* *sees the blue paint run down over the image and then gives a slight nod again*

David: *watches Matteo again and gives him the time he needs* *eventually sees him give a slight nod again, but isn’t sure and therefore asks quietly* Is the image destroyed completely? *sees him nod more clearly this time and nods as well, takes a deep breath and then says* Okay… now it’s about creating a new image in your mind… now you have to think about how the image you just destroyed would have looked like if the thing had a positive outcome… What does the image you wish for that situation look like? An image you’re no longer scared of… for example, the doctor telling you that everything went well… or that I’m waking up from anesthesia and that I’m happy to see you or something like that… *slightly presses his lips together because he knows that it’s difficult to imagine a positive image if you’re actually scared, but hopes that Matteo will manage* *runs his thumb over the back of his hand almost automatically*

Matteo: *can still see the paint running down and that eventually he can no longer see the doctor* *hears David ask again and nods more vigorously* *then listens to him further and almost has to smile when he mentions a doctor, because he couldn’t actually have known that this was his image* *takes a deep breath* *feels David’s thumb and manages to imagine a doctor again* *is a little surprised that it’s the same doctor* *tries to imagine a different one but keeps going back to the first one* *tries harder and finally sees him with a more friendly and open expression* *smiles when he tells him that everything went well and that there weren’t any complications and that he can go see David now* *nods and smiles slightly*

David: *watches Matteo again and is quiet to give him time to concentrate* *eventually sees him smile and feels heart do a little jump and that he also has to smile automatically* *eventually sees him nod again and says quietly* And now try to memorize that image for a moment… *waits a few more seconds and watches him, but then has to lean forward and quickly kiss him* *whispers against his lips* That’s it… *pulls away from him again and waits for him to open his eyes again* *looks at him lovingly because he finds it so great that Matteo went along with this* *explains* That’s the method which sometimes really helped me a lot… and that’s all a matter of practise… the more often you play this out in your head, the easier it is to get to the positive images. And the goal is actually supposed to be that your brain automatically replaces some of the negative thoughts with the positive ones. But in my case, that didn’t work for all my fears… but with some of them, it did… *shrugs one shoulder again and smiles a little insecurely* Well… maybe it’ll also help you a little bit… the first step is really hard. To really visualize your fear and to not suppress it like you’re used to… *presses his lips together, because he has talked so much now and because he also wants to give Matteo the chance to get a word in in case he wants to talk about how he found that experience* *but could also understand if he can’t or doesn’t want to say too much about it*

Matteo: *memorizes the image* *then suddenly feels David’s lips on his and smiles immediately* *wets his lips a little after David leans back again and only then opens his eyes* *finds it pretty wonderful to see him* *listens to him and nods slightly* Well, I think that was good… just destroying the image already helps… *nods slightly* But the question is if it will also help in an acute situation, if I’m really scared and if I can’t just conjure up that fear like I did just now… *leans forward and lightly kisses him again* But still thanks… I think that this will help me…

David: *smiles and nods when Matteo says that the destroying helps* Exactly… *grins slightly* ...and eventually, you also get creative with doing it… there are so many ways to destroy something… *then nods again when he’s talking about an acute situation and says hesitantly* Yes, that’s why it’s important to keep practising it… so if you notice a fear coming up, then don’t suppress it and use this method instead… or just do it very consciously - even though you don’t have any fears at that moment… *smiles slightly and shrugs one shoulder* That used to be my therapist’s homework… that I should constantly imagine scary situations, even though it wasn’t acute at that moment… he said that this method has to become a routine so that you can also use it in acute situations… *sighs quietly* But oftentimes it’s really not that easy… *is talking from experience* *smiles when Matteo thanks him and tenderly strokes over his cheek when he leans forward to kiss him* *murmurs* You’re welcome… thanks for going along with it… *then wraps his arms around him so that he can’t move away again and pulls him back into a horizontal position - a little awkwardly as they are both still sitting down cross-legged* *thinks that they have been apart for long enough now* *is quiet with him for a moment and waits to see if he wants to say anything else to his fears* *in the meantime thinks about how good it felt that they talked about it - about the Voluntary-Year-weekend as well as the mastectomy, and eventually says hesitantly and quietly to also get it out of his mind* Honesty round part 4… I’m scared of the pain after the surgery…

Matteo: *also grins slightly when he says that you eventually get creative* *nods when he says something about practising and homework* I will… I want to get a better handle on it… *is happy when David doesn’t let go of him again and manages a little awkwardly to disentangle his legs so that they can lie down again* *has one arm wrapped around him and sees David lie down on his shoulder* *just enjoys lying there with him for a moment and thinks about the method and if he’ll really manage to deal with his fears better* *then hears David’s quiet words and automatically pulls him closer* *also says quietly* I can understand that… but we’re all there for you and we’ll make it as easy for you as we can manage, I promise.

David: *smiles when Matteo says that he wants to get a better handle on his fears and hopes that he’ll really manage it and that he won’t do too badly on the day of the surgery* *then puts his head down on Matteo’s shoulders and wraps an arm tightly around his chest* *humms in agreement at his words and murmurs* I know… *briefly gnaws on his bottom lip and then admits hesitantly and quietly* ...but… I don’t want everyone to see me like that… so… no idea… weak or something… I mean, with you it’s okay… really… with you I can be weak and don’t feel small in the process… but with the others it’s really difficult for me… *knows that Matteo can’t be there for him all the time because he has to work and briefly thinks about with whom else he wouldn’t have a problem with showing weakness without feeling small in front of that person*

Matteo: *sighs slightly when he says that he doesn’t want everyone to see him like that* *knows that he can’t always be there* I should have found something else… something that only starts in October… *squeezes him a little tighter and presses a kiss to his head* But you can always text me, ok? Or send me voice messages if typing is too exhausting… *humphs slightly and thinks* Isn’t there anyone else where you at least don’t mind them helping you a little?

David: *immediately shakes his head when Matteo says that he should have found something different and briefly looks up at him annoyed* Are you crazy!? What nonsense… your Voluntary Year is just as important, you hear?! *then nods at his suggestion and smiles immediately* Yes, that’s good! Sometimes just letting it out already helps… *looks at him seriously* But you have to promise me that you’ll still concentrate on Lambda and that you won’t drop everything just because I tell you that something hurts, okay? For me it’s enough to know that I can be like that with you… that I can whine… *then sighs quietly at his question and puts his head back onto his shoulder* Phew… dunno… *thinks about all the people and immediately rules out Hans and Linn, because they would probably panic immediately* *doesn’t really want to show weakness in front of Laura, either - on the one hand because right now she already tends to patronize him currently, anyways, and on the other hand, because he doesn’t want her to worry* *thinks about the friends and immediately rules out the girls* *then thinks about the boys and the fact that Carlos is out, anyways, because he also has to work and Abdi would probably be pretty helpless* *eventually says hesitantly* Jonas or Alex maybe… *shrugs one shoulder* I’ll see… *has to chuckle a little* Maybe I’ll just test who has the best reaction after my first cry of pain…

Matteo: *laughs slightly when David immediately reacts so strongly* Yeees, sure… I didn’t do that, anyways… *then nods immediately* I promise… if you promise me that you’ll really rest and that you’ll really whine at me about EVERYTHING    that bothers and hurts you, okay? *looks down to him when he doesn’t really know from whom he would accept help* *secretly guesses Alex or Carlos* *then hears that he was close* Not Carlos? I thought Carlos… oh no, he also has to work, right. *then also grins a little at his last sentence* Good tactic… but if you ask me, then you already picked two good candidates… they wouldn’t caudle you too much, but they would still be there whenever you need something.

David: *smiles when Matteo promises to still concentrate on Lambda* *then laughs quietly* About /everything/?!? *tilts his head and looks at him with a chuckle* Even if I don’t like the food or if it bothers me that it’s raining outside or that there’s nothing on the TV!? *laughs again quietly and puts his head down onto his shoulder* *was just about to tell Matteo that Carlos has to work when he asks about him, therefore simply nods* Exactly… *then nods when he agrees with him when it comes to Jonas and Alex, cuddles a little closer to him and closes his eyes for a moment* *murmurs* Let’s wait and see… maybe the pain won’t be that bad… *pushes one of his legs between Matteo’s to be even closer to him and says after some time* Let’s try to not suppress or postpone stuff like that anymore… that was good, wasn’t it?

Matteo: *laughs slightly when he hears his examples* Definitely… I want to know everything. *buries his hand in David’s hair when he cuddles even closer* *then nods slightly* Yes, maybe… but please still take it easy and rest. *wraps his other arm around David, as well* *then nods slightly at his words* Yes… that was good… better than suppressing it… *kisses his head and closes his eyes* But now let’s just lie like this for a while… and then I want another helping of pasta casserole and for you to show me the song you found…

David: *smiles when he feels Matteo’s hand in his hair* *nods against his neck when he demands again that he rests* *murmurs into his shoulder* I’ll rest. I promise! *smiles when Matteo also cuddles closer and repeats quietly* Yes, better than suppressing it… *kisses his neck and then rubs his nose over the spot* *then relaxes and nods slightly at Matteo’s words* *murmurs quietly and with a smile* Yes, sir…

(next play)

[jefferythejelly]

FUNZ FICS??? GIMME

since like 7 of the ones in that list are funz (or include it) heres a basic rundown of all of them i guess lmao

funz pregnancy slash kidfic brainrot: like i said in the og post this one is less of a fic and more of a bullet point list of brainrot but basically: started as an idea for a breeding kink heavy omegaverse oneshot where foolish gets "baby fever" and cant stop thinking about having kids (with punz specifically). but then i never ended up writing it bc i got distracted thinking about them being cute and domestic while foolish is pregnant and them raising their kids together (they have twin girls). maybe i'll write it eventually idk, i do have a couple of cute little sketches related to it as well if anyone would wanna see those

funz body worship nonsense: what it says on the tin basically, punz kissing foolish all over and listing off things he thinks are attractive about him. they probably fuck idk i havent written that far yet. was started as a way for me to wax poetic about things i find attractive about foolish if i'm being honest

ahaha yeahhhhh: ok this one is actually kunzish (the ship name i invented for karl/punz/foolish bc i have seen barely anyone else talk about it) but funz is included ok. karl punz and foolish are watching a movie together, they think foolish fell asleep (but he didnt), and start talking about all the ways they want to fuck him. foolish finds that he enjoys hearing them talk about him like he isn't there, ends up giving away that hes not actually asleep, they fuck about it

funz empty: really basic horny oneshot, omegaverse (foolish omega punz alpha). foolish takes a day off streaming bc hes on the edge of his heat and dealing with the craving to have something inside of him. ends up on a call with punz, who asks him why he didnt stream that day (thinking he just got sick or something), eventually gets foolish to admit why and offers to help out, cue discord e-sex

yep its funz time: set vaguely in the nc frat house era where punz was living there for a while. after a random tension filled night where punz ends up giving foolish a blowjob, they end up in a weird undefined friends with benefits situationship. foolish is treating it with a sort of go with the flow attitude and not really defining it to punz, which eventually ends up scaring him off bc hes fighting against a bunch of repressed feelings and maybe a little bit of internalized homophobia. they start avoiding each other entirely, but because its making them miserable (plus a little bit of goading from karl) they end up talking about it and foolish realizes he had a crush on punz the whole time and was being an idiot about it not thinking deeply about his feelings and they make up and are boyfriends officially yippeee

omega punz: punz is an omega but grew up thinking he'd be an alpha, so he's really ashamed of it and pretends to be an alpha. things go well until he meets foolish, one of the only alphas he actually feels comfortable around. he keeps his crush under wraps until he goes on an impromptu trip to north carolina with sapnap, and through a series of unfortunate events forgets his heat suppressants and can't get new ones through the pharmacy there, leaving him to deal with omega instincts he's been suppressing for years all while living with foolish :3c predictably ends with punz going into heat and them fucking

funz new years kiss: short lil thing i wrote around new years where the two drunkenly make out at the dream team house new years countdown party, and eventually stumble into a random bedroom at the end of the night to make out and almost fuck before foolish has the foresight to go "hey lets not fuck while we're blackout drunk." they wake up to sapnap yelling at them for sleeping in his bed (which is actually my favorite scene out of the whole thing it turned out really funny imo) and after getting kicked out have a lil heart to heart about their feelings for each other awwww

i will also now apologize to the funz girlies bc i know it is rough out here and i feel like i'm teasing y'all with good ideas that are not actual full fics, but in all fairness the reason all these exist is bc i couldn't find funz fics that scratched the exact itch i wanted in my brain 90% of the time so i made them myself. i stg i will finish at least one of these one day tho I SWEAR

[dsumps]

WOW! It has been how long?

For a second there, I thought I left the internet for real. Nah, turns out when the whole world panics about the death of a platform, somehow everyone returns the next week like nothing’s happened. Despite migrating my followed content on my other platforms, I STILL ended up using Twitter the most in viewing online content.How could I stop? Everyone still uses that platform to some degree. Despite this, I did promise that Tumblr would be my new place for posts (clearly followed up on that order :P), and I still haven’t (and won’t) post another thing on that platform for god knows how long.

Sooo, how have I been (if that even matters to you)? 

I’ve been fine, I got through my first year of college at ASU, and overall I’m just been chilling with the inactivity. The most I ever post online is through my personal Instagram, which for obv reasons, I won’t be sharing. Besides that its been scroll, like, next platforn, scroll, like,... the usual.

It’s been sort of nice to be afk from the constant active schedule, especially when there are important things to worry about than being on social media. I honestly don’t know how some of y’all do it better, haha. 

How about the art? Where’s the art?

I really did leave the blog hanging with the doodle sharing. There’s still several pages of sketches there, but I haven’t really drawn in like... a year. Again, college had me on a chokehold, and will again once next semester begins, so I haven’t really done much creatively for awhile. I MIGHT, but I don’t promise. Social media for me, isn’t much of a priority than living for real life, which pretty much defines my reason for inactivity. Not that I don’t care about it, otherwise this account would’ve been deleted long ago.

Any new interests / miscellaneous section?

This is just to update y’all about my current interests and such. Pretty much realized through the past year that I don’t like Pokémon as much as I thought. During Gen 8, I made it an effort to become engulfed into the currents of the games, anime, media, etc... and honestly it was a hassle, and I hated it, especially on Twitter. I pretty much learned that the only thing I actually cared about were the various Pokémon themselves. Especially apparent from my ever-growing collection of plushes that I dedicate to once in a while. It’s a massive money waster, but god do I love it. My recent favorite is the Cult of the Lamb plush I had to order in under a minute before being sold out. That was a fun experience, and I know I’ve sneaked him into several ASU promotional material. Funny I mention that, because I haven’t really played video games either since college. 

If there is ONE thing I do have current interest in, that would be this one small show you may have heard of this show I’m not sure if you know this show so ill show you the show so you know its a little show called Bluey. I’ve been obsessed with this show since the end of my winter break, funny enough initial interest came from watching TikTok's of people (jokingly, I hope) to compete with 6 y/olds for Bluey plushes at Target. I guess i’ve liked too many of these posts for TikTok to start sharing full episodes on my page, and I've never been the same since. I’ve caught up with the series, and I gotta say it’s one of my favorite current pieces of animated media to come out as of late. Without saying too much, this show made me question many aspects of my life several times to where I could say I’ve actually learned how to better myself a bit. It’s crazy to me that a goddamn toddler program from Australia is actively teaching me morals at age 19, but here we are, I guess. 

Will there be Bluey in this blog? maybe, but I plan on posting Bluey related content on another blog @dsumpsbluey For now, my primary blog will share primarily Pokémon, art, and Pokémon art; not that I’m gatekeeping Bluey, but I got something planned for that other blog (plans, I’m totally great with those). Other than that, that’s pretty much it with what’s up with me. Sorry for being inactive for as long as I did, real life just caught up to me that’s all. Hopefully if you’re still reading this, you realize my current position of my blog. Just know that unless specified by me, this blog isn’t dead. Good day, or night, and until the next post.

[bkdkology]

Food for thought

Howdy, I’m currently fighting 20mg of melatonin in my system to pose a question, and a half assed answer. Spoiler: it’s bkdk and mostly fanon. (Yes, this is an expansion of my previous post that’s right under this one.)

Katsuki Bakugou is an enigma to both the side of the fandom that adores him, and the side that despises him.

But why is he such a polarized character?

He certainly wins the hearts of most of the fandom, as he’s been consistently taking first place in the popularity polls. But there’s the presence of a very strong backlash against him because of his past as a bully, and what separates Katsuki from the rest as a character is: those who are against him, have refused to let go of the past. While nobody really excuses or romanticizes his behavior, most are able to understand that it’s a part of him that is absolutely essential to his character.

Personally, he’s my favorite character. There’s something about the way Horikoshi tells his story that makes me want to cheer for him.

So, what the fuck does that have to do with bkdk?

I realized that this stupid comment I made:

Is true. And not just true, it took me deeper than I intended.

I strongly believe that Katsuki isn’t particularly physically attractive. He’s strong, has amazing arms because of his quirk, and is well built as an obvious consequence of being an active student in the hero course.

Go to this post for screenshots and whatnot.

As I was reading the second light novel, I came across a few excerpts when the girls of 1-A and 1-B were talking about boys at a slumber party. And a few things stood out: (Keep in mind light novels are considered canon, written by Anri Yoshi who works with Horikoshi to sketch some scenes out.)

1. The girls think that while Kaminari is a womanizer, he’d make a loyal boyfriend

2. The girls also seem to unanimously believe that Monoma and Todoroki are the hot guys of the hero course.

3. They think Izuku is maybe too much of a fanboy

4. They whole heartedly believe Iida wouldn’t hold hands before marriage

5. Bakugou’s outstanding characteristic is his intelligence, not his looks.

Why am I making this a point? If you haven’t noticed, Katsuki has one of the biggest ‘simpnations’ in the fandom, in which a shit ton of people find him attractive. While it is just the way Horikoshi draws him that garners so much attention, it’s pretty much canon that most in story characters don’t find his looks as jaw dropping as some people have made them seem (me, I’m calling myself out here, since I feel like the only one who thinks this boy could walk on water).

What is extremely ironic about this is that a lot of fans completely overlook the fact that Katsuki is ridiculously smart, especially the fans that hate him. It’s a characteristic about him that is constantly reiterated time and time again but forgotten at the same rate. (i.e Katsuki placing 1st in the entrance exam, ranking 3rd in the class, sports festival analysis in which even Kiri has overlooked his smarts.)

The point I’m trying to make here is: since the story is told in Izuku’s perspective, what if it’s not just Katsuki’s looks that Izuku tells us about in a biased way, but Katsuki himself?

If you’re caught up, you have most likely seen the beautiful way that Katsuki’s character has developed. And if you’re like me, you probably guessed that Katsuki’s story was heading this way long before this chapter. But how? If to some, he’s just a kid who told a vulnerable Izuku to take a swan dive off the roof.

In 284-285, in the middle of war Katsuki is having heavy flashbacks from his past with Izuku as far back as middle school, even before the sludge incident that took place in chapter 1. He’s harboring overwhelming feelings of guilt.

Katsuki has never really dealt well with feelings, especially expressing those feelings. So what does he do? He uses his power to help Izuku control his, despite them being rivals.

Here’s the kicker, this chapter confirms that Izuku has never held anything against Katsuki. He doesn’t see the training as atonement the way Katsuki intended, because Izuku feels like there’s absolutely nothing to apologize for. But even before this chapter, Izuku simply gave off these same exact vibes by painting Katsuki in a good light.

I was in love with Katsuki from the moment I met him, how could a character so vile in his mannerisms and reckless in his treatment of others make me so happy and so sad when I looked at him?

For me, the answer lies within the protagonist, who’s wanted us to see him that way from the beginning. The people who hate Katsuki and refuse to acknowledge his growth have also failed to let go of the past the way Izuku did . That despite his ugly traits and his funny looking face, he is somebody complex and amazing inside.

He is beautiful.

[rostovs-lover]

dalí on tuesday

charlie dalton x reader | cursing, smoking, brief mentions of sexual things, charlie (probably) has daddy issues, cameron | she/her pronouns | fluff | wc.2562

i am in love with charlie, this is now a charlie dalton centric blog, also ignore how terrible the title is please

anon : Hi!! I love your blog! can I request a charlie Dalton x reader fluff where reader is an artist and he visits them while they're painting? (maybe they end up wiping paint on his face?) I don't know, something really sweet at cute <33333

Charlie Dalton had been resigned to relish in small pleasures to keep himself sane at school, never did he think the library would be one of those. More specifically, the painter tucked into the basement of the library. 

                            ───☮︎───

     Charlie Dalton was a connoisseur of many things. Pretty girls, expensive wine, shitty poetry, and hand rolled cigarettes - to name a few. His imprisonment at Wellington made only one of those things readily available. So he settled - boxes of cheap smokes bought through upperclassmen, bottles of grocery store wine someone would sneak in from a party, and the two girls that occasionally came with Knox. The shitty poetry was always on deck, he had that at least. It was a tragedy to be resigned to such a bland life, there was absolutely no carpe diem-ing happening in a school that held adolescent boys to uniforms.

      It was miserable, truly, but Charlie scrapped by on the thought that soon enough there would be no more stuffy Catholic school and he could finally have a taste of freedom. In the meantime, he would have what little fun he could. The meets in the cave were always the highlight of the week. A place where he could talk and people would listen, and not because they had to but because they enjoyed it. They enjoyed his words and thoughts and presence. No one else had ever really seemed to enjoy Charlie’s presence. They could tolerate it, handle it, but they always had more pressing matters. A business meeting to attend, a bill to pay, a dinner to go to. Always something just a little bit more important and never quite enough time for Charlie. But the other Dead Poets, they valued him. He wasn’t just a kid, a college tuition to pay and a life to layout. He was a person, with interests and hobbies.

      It had been there, in the safe haven of the cave, that the idea for the library first came up. Meeks had already talked Pitts into coming, Neil didn’t take much convincing at all, Todd was also easy to lure, Cameron groaned about leaving school grounds but refused to be left out, and Knox agreed to go but only if Nuwanda came too. Charlie had already started to cover what there was to do at a library, read?

      Meeks dove into the technical manuals and Pitts followed tentatively, cradling their science project in his arms. Todd had followed Neil to the S authors, Cameron was trying to chat up the woman at the register, and God only knew what Knox was doing. He had been stranded with few options. He could find the geniuses and be talked over for the next hour or third wheel Neil but that guaranteed intruding on something he probably shouldn’t. The polite thing to do would be to rescue Cameron from making a complete fool of himself, throwing bad pick up lines at a clearly uninterested college student, but it was amusing to watch.

      Charlie settled on trying to find Knox, at least then he could have some company. Said company was absolutely nowhere to be found. The rows of shelves wound in a confusing maze and Charlie was lost before he could even begin to look. Weaving around he did come face-to-face with a rather large picture of Charles Dickens that made him recoil. It was perched just at eye level above a short staircase and it seemed to judge his every movement. Charlie followed the carpeted stairs down to escape Mister Dickens’ strange little beard and beady black eyes.

      The further down the steps Charlie descended the brighter it appeared. The lower level was the children’s section. Considerably more fun than science books or Shakespeare. The big oak counter was abandoned but the lights were still on. He was alone, still.

      Charlie sighed, sitting down in one of the bright red wooden chairs. He was much too big for it but it held well under his weight. A sad stuffed bear stared dully into him from the green glossy table.

      “Well hello,” He mumbled, picking it up under the arms, “And you must be?” He cleared his throat to take on a gruff baritone, “Mister... Bearington,” Charlie sighed, that was bad. He dropped the bear into his lap, “This is so stupid,”

      “Bearington?”

      Charlie shot around in the chair, tipping himself off center and stumbling to his feet, bear still clutched in his arms, “Where the hell did you come from?”

      “A few blocks over, walked here actually.” You turned back to your work. A painting. Not just a painting, Charlie realized, a mural. It stretched the length of the wall, roughly sketched in pencil and waiting to be finished.

      He blinked, “That’s good. The wall I mean,”

      “Thank you,” Your face flustered and Charlie took notice, “It’s not much of anything yet, just an outline. It’ll look better painted.”

      He took a few steps closer, sidling up to you, “What’s it supposed to be?”

      “A forest,” You pointed to a rotund blob perched on a long line, “That’s an owl, and there’s going to be a fox somewhere down in the grass,”

      Charlie grinned, “That’s an owl?”

      “That-” you tapped the blob, “Is a shape, objectively. Subjectively, it’s an owl.”

      His brow creased, “Subjectively it’s an owl? That's like saying Mister Bearington is a rabbit, subjectively,”

      You stared at him, baffled. It was almost irritating that he could so casually come down to your domain and invade your creative bubble. And it was even worse that he talked to himself as a stuffed bear but now he was challenging your judgment on what was and was not subjectively an owl. But he had a wonderful smile and it lessened the intrusion. Plus, you had never seen a teenage boy develop an attachment to a stuffed bear as quickly as he had, “What’s your name?”

      “Nuwanda,” He grinned, setting his chin atop his bear’s plush head.

      “Nuwanda?” You blinked at him, “That’s… neat. I’ve never heard that before.”

      “What can I say? The only Nuwanda this side of Vermont. What’s your name?”

      As you opened your mouth to answer several sets of footsteps thundered down the stairs. Knox spun around the corner first, closely followed by Pitts and Meeks.

      “Charlie!” Knox called, “We gotta go before Cameron proposes to the clerk.”

      You looked at the boy in front of you, “Is Charlie short for Nuwanda, or just a nickname?”

      He shrugged, “I’m Nuwanda, subjectively. It was truly a pleasure meeting you. Can’t wait to see your thing DaVinci!” He set the stuffed bear back on the table as he made his way out of the room. With Charlie’s energy gone it became much quieter and you were plunged back into the impressionistic outline of your artwork.

      The next time a library trip was suggested Charlie didn’t completely dread it. Yes, it was still numbingly boring because it was a library and he didn’t have clerks to fall in love with, people to write love letters to, anyone to kiss in the aisles, or a spaceship to build, but he did have his own personal Van Gough to torment.

      The lower level was the first place he went, not even hanging his coat on the rack inside the big double doors. He made his way past Cameron’s preoccupied receptionist and under Dickens’ hard glower. Halfway down the steps, the smell hit Charlie. Wet paint.

      You had just picked out a brush when he pulled one of the wooden chairs next to your station. He sat in it backwards, holding Mister Bearington out in front of him, “Never got your name Monet,”

      “Well, it's not that. Or Da Vinci.” You stroked the brush up the grassy outline.

      “Do you want me to guess?”

      You had yet to look at him, “Nope,”

      “Are you gonna tell me?”

      “Should I?”

      “Obviously, I told you my name.”

      You set the brush down and turned to face him, “(Name).”

      “Pretty,”

      Charlie Dalton liked many things and the musty old library uptown had never been one of them. It had ancient red carpets and gaudy gold ceilings and it was trying too hard to look regal. So it was a sheer shock when he began to leap at the suggestion of going and even more so when he chose to go by himself one afternoon. Naturally, the other poets followed him, they had to.

      Charlie didn’t dally upstairs, waving hi to the clerk and rushing down to the children’s section. A sign was posted outside the entrance warning of wet paint but he stepped around it.

      “You’re making progress Picasso!” He set his hands on his hips and took in the wall.

      You turned back to look at him, “Did you not see the caution: wet paint, do not enter sign?”

      “Oh no I saw it,” He pushed his sunglasses up on top of his head, “It's bright orange, hard to miss, really,”

      “So you just chose to ignore it?”

      He nodded, making his way over to sit by you on the ground, “I choose to ignore lots of things, it really makes life easier,”

      You shook your head, “Are you just going to sit here and bother me?”

      “Yes, that's actually the whole reason I came today, believe it or not.”

      You blubbered in vague disbelief, “Please tell me you’re not serious,”

      “Dead serious,” Charlie grinned, leaning closer, “I had to see how your weird owl was going. And also make sure you hadn’t gone mad and cut your own ear off yet,”

      “You’ve already used the Van Gogh joke, Charles,”

      “Maybe I want your ear,”

      You paused, “You… what?”

      Charlie’s confidence cracked, “That was bad. Shit, that wasn’t supposed to sound that way. It was like, a bad pickup line? Because Van Gogh cut his ear off to send to his girlfriend,” He sighed, shaking his head, “Sorry,”

      “I mean if I had to pick someone to give my ear too I guess you would be my first choice?”

      Charlie looked at you, eyebrows pinched together, “Why?”

      You shrugged, “No one else has asked, first come first serve.” You dipped your brush back into the blue paint and went to work on a patch of flowers.

      “Huh, well I do appreciate it,” Charlie scooted closer, leaning over your shoulder. He was close, very close. When you took a breath you could smell his cologne and whatever it was he used in his hair and you could feel the edge of his sunglasses brush your ear. He brought an arm around to dip his finger into the soft sky colour on your palette. And then he wiped it on your nose.

      You gasped sharply at the foreign feeling, snapping your head to the side to glare at him, “Why?!”

      Charlie snickered, leaning back, “The opportunity presented itself, how could I just let that pass?”

      You reached back, squirting a touch of purple paint over the palm of your hand, “That was truly a horrible idea,”

      Charlie shot up just as you did, stumbling backwards, “I’m sorry-” He stuck his hands up in surrender, “I regret my actions and if I could take them back I would,”

      “Hmm, but you can’t” You took a step closer, “Surrender now and it doesn’t have to get any messier than this,”

      He pointed towards your paint coated hand, “Do not,”

      You grinned, “I might,”

      “I’m begging,”

      “Fine-” You offered him your other hand, “Truce?”

      Charlie mulled it over for a moment, “Fine, truce,” He grabbed your clean hand and you used it to pull him towards you.

          “Why on earth would you trust me?” You tugged him even closer as he shrieked and smeared your hand down his cheek, “There, now we’re even,”

      Getting distracted by your triumph gave Charlie the upper hand. He pulled you to him the same you had done to him and pressed his cheek flush to yours. The paint was cold against your skin and you jolted back, away from him.

      “Vile,” You hissed, “You are vile and evil. That's so cold. You will pay, I hope you know that.”

      Charlie snorted, “Oh please, what’re you gonna do?”

      “You underestimate me, you ass, I’ll figure something out,”

      “Will you?” Charlie grinned, “I will be waiting in anticipation,”

      “You better be,”

      Meeks elbowed back into Cameron’s ribs, “You’re going to knock me over,”

      Cameron craned his neck further to peek around the corner into the children’s section, “I just want to see, let me look,”

      “Nothing is happening-” Meeks snipped, “They’re just talking now and I might be able to hear if you could can it!”

      Cameron rolled his eyes, “Of course, whatever you say,”

      “Will you shut up?” Knox batted at Cameron’s shoulder, “They’ll see us, we’re not super well hidden,”

      “If you don’t stop talking they’ll realize we’re here,” Pitts mumbled, rolling his eyes. Cameron started to rebuttal, turning to look at Gerard but the motion knocked Meeks out of place and he gasped, stumbling forwards. This did indeed draw Charlie’s attention.

      “Meeks, what the hell?” Charlie snapped. He was in a state, sunglasses askew in his hair, paint smeared from his cheekbone down to the corner of his mouth, and his shirt was wrinkled away from his collarbone.

      Meeks stared, “Hi Charlie. Are there any textbooks down here, uh… the science ones?”

      Knox groaned, stepping out from behind the wall as well, “We wanted to see why you came here on a Tuesday afternoon by yourself,”

      Charlie blubbered, “Did you all come? Is Keating there too?”

      “He could be,” Meeks shrugged.

      Charlie rolled his eyes, “Will you leave, I’ll be upstairs in a second,” The other poets nodded, scampering up the steps to the first level.

      “Assholes, should have known they’d come,” Charlie sighed, adjusting the sunglasses atop his head, “I need to go before they decide to intrude again. I’ll see you soon though, anxiously anticipating payback,”

      He was almost out the door when you bucked up the courage to call out to him, “Charlie, wait.” You let him turn back to you before continuing, “Could I have your phone number?”

      He clicked his teeth, “Don’t have one, private school. But I’ll find the library number in the books and try to shoot you a call sometime,” He winked and started back up to his friends.

      Knox was waiting at the landing with a handful of tissues, which he shoved into Charlie’s hands, “So you’re gonna read your stupid poem about tits at a Dead Poets meet and then not tell us you’ve got a girlfriend?”

      Charlie grabbed the tissues, “Not my girlfriend, I meet her like two weeks ago,”

      “Didn’t stop Knox,” Neil elbowed him.

      Charlie wiped at his face, “Well I’m not Knox. I like her painting, she's good.”

      “It looks like she was painting you,” Cameron slapped at Charlie’s chest and he threw the tissues at him in retaliation.

      “Shut up, at least my library worker actually talks to me,”

      Cameron fumbled with the dirty material, batting it away from his chest, “You dick!”

      Charlie grinned, pulling his glasses down and starting towards the door. Something about it was thrilling, having this to himself. A little secret that he and you shared. His personal Salvador Dalí, something to look forwards to besides bad tobacco and Keating’s eccentric lectures. It was bright and exciting and he felt seen. He felt important. The blue paint he had stolen from your tray was still on the tip of his pointer finger and he wondered how long it would be until he could see you again.

 ( @interwebseriesfan24 )

[earliebirb]

nosedive

steve/tony, fluff, (newly) established relationship, 3250 words

Tony stares absentmindedly out the airplane window as he puts his phone up to his ear, watching people run back and forth, performing last-minute engine checks. Some of the guys look sweaty and out of breath.

From the comfort of the air-conditioned Stark Industries private jet, he feels a slight twinge of sympathy for the people having to suffer in the humid summer heat.

He loosens his tie and sinks deeply into his seat, closing his eyes with a massive yawn as he listens to the ringing tone. He hadn’t been able to sleep very well throughout his five-day stay in Tokyo, too anxious about the contract to rest properly. 

The ringing tone goes on for a few more seconds before ending with a click, replaced by an achingly familiar voice greeting him in his ear. 

“Hello?” 

Tony’s eyes spring open. Outside, an aircraft marshaller walks by, speaking rapidly into his walkie-talkie.

“I had a blueberry muffin for lunch today. One single blueberry muffin.”

“...What?”

“It didn’t even taste that good. I couldn’t finish it. Too dry.”

“Tony, that’s not good. Is that all you had for lunch? You should really eat—”

“The meeting went well, by the way. Mr. Watanabe finally signed the contract, everything went as planned. My ride to the airport, however…”

“I told you things would go smoothly, you had nothing to worry about. You’re a brilliant negotiator—”

“The traffic? Fuck. I had to keep shifting in my seat to avoid pins and needles.”

“That sounds awful, are your legs okay—”

“Did you know that Tokyo is number nineteen on the list of cities with the worst traffic congestion in the world? I know that, because I looked it up on the way to the airport. But boy, did it feel like it deserved the number one spot. I think I lost feeling in my ass.”

“I did not know that. And, uh, is your ass okay—”

“Thank God for my private jet. These plush seats are the best things I’ve ever spent my money on.”

“That’s objectively not true, and you know it—”

“Then again, I think these seats in particular were Pepper’s choice? We remodeled the airplane’s interior like… two years ago. I couldn’t be bothered to meet with the airplane seat people and I just told her to pick whichever looked best. I had much more important things to tend to, like sewing up the holes in JARVIS’s Christmas stocking.”

“I am concerned about how you sort your list of priorities—”

“Hm, that’s right. I think it was around two, three weeks before Christmas and I didn’t want JARVIS to be upset about the whole stocking thing, you know?”

“I’m sure he wouldn’t have—”

“Also, you’re right, the single blueberry muffin was a bad idea because now my stomach won’t shut up. So I’ve ordered some pasta for my in-flight meal. Robbie’s making it, you’ve met Robbie—”

“I’ve met Robbie, yes, he’s—”

“Larry’s replacement after he resigned. Gotta say, I was sad to see Larry go. Guy worked for me for seven years. But then there was that thing with his grandma, and he had to leave, so… But! Robbie makes a mean carbonara, maybe even better than Larry, don’t tell Larry I said that—”

“I don’t even know Larry like that, how would I—”

“Mr. Stark, we’re ready to go.” The pilot—Paul—emerges from the cockpit, staring at him in anticipation.

Tony nods and makes a few rapid gestures with his free hand that he supposes Paul is only able to interpret perfectly after years and years of working for Tony. The gestures roughly translate to something like “Copy, I hear you, just let me wrap this up and then I’ll let you know when I’m done. Capiche?”

Paul—bless him—just gives him a curt nod and retreats back into the cockpit. 

“Anyway,” Tony takes a deep breath and puffs his cheeks out with the exertion of his exhale, “I called because… I got a feeling, Steve.”

“A… feeling?”

“Just— A gut feeling. A feeling in your gut. Inside of me. Like a hunch?”

“Okay,” Steve says patiently, his voice low and warm, “what are you feeling?”

“I… got a bad feeling. Today. A few hours ago. The feeling came to me when I was sitting in traffic, and I just— I feel like something bad’s gonna happen today, Steve. I can feel it in the air. In my heart. In my gut. In my joints.”

“Your joints? Like… the feeling old people get when it’s about to rain?”

“Okay, maybe not in my joints. Also, are you calling me old, grandpa?”

“I did not, you told me you felt something in your—”

“Anyway, so yeah. Where was I? Oh, right. Feeling. Bad feeling. Like, like, I don’t know, something bad’s gonna happen. Like an accident. Like a plane crash.”

“God, please don’t say that. You’re scaring me, Tony.”

“And I guess, I just called because I… I feel like I need to do this before the plane crashes and I die a violent and fiery death.”

“Nothing bad’s going to happen, Tony—”

“Like, if I didn’t do this today, maybe I’d never get to do it, you know? And, uh, okay, I’ve honestly been ranting to stall for time, but the longer I keep it in the more nauseous I feel, so maybe I’m just gonna do it now so I can die in peace—”

“Do what? And stop saying that—”

“Look, I’m trying to be brave and honest here and— Wait, actually? Maybe I’m being a coward because if the plane actually does go down, I won’t have to face the consequences of my actions, so I guess I’m just going to say fuck it, and say that I love you.”

“The plane is not going to— Wait, what?”

“I, uh. Love you. I’ve known it for a while now. And, uh, I know we’ve only been dating for like, a week, but—” Tony blinks. They’ve only been dating for a week. 

“...Fuck.” Tony can feel his own pulse starting to race. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“Tony?”

They’ve only been dating for a week. What is he doing? What the hell is wrong with him? Normal people don’t do this. 

“Fuck. Shit, I mean— Uh, I’m sorry. That was super weird, huh?” Tony laughs nervously. He closes his eyes, gritting his teeth and cursing his stupid brain. Of course it’s weird. He always gets too attached to people way too quickly. No wonder Pepper was his only long term relationship. She was the only person who could put up with him—everyone else just got weirded out. “Uh, see you tomorrow? Or not. Fuck, sorry, I’m just gonna hang up before this gets—”

“Tony, wait.”

“...Yeah?” Tony says, hyper-aware of how breathless he sounds. His heartbeat is ringing in his ears. Everything is going to be fine. Right? Right. The worst thing Steve could do is… break up with him.

Oh, God, that is the worst case scenario. He really should’ve just kept his stupid mouth shut. 

“Tony, are you freaking out? I feel like I can hear you freaking out from all the way over here.”

“No, I’m not, of course I’m not. Who says I’m freaking out? You have no proof. I am calm, I’m calm as a clam, is that the saying? Did I get it right? Or was it happy— Anyway, I am absolutely calm, I’m the calmest I could possibly be. Any calmer and I’d be asleep. I’m—”

“Tony. Breathe.”

Tony forces himself to drag in a slow breath as he grips the arm of his seat with his free hand, focusing on the soothing hum of the airplane’s engine.

“Look, Tony, I—”

“No, listen. I’m sorry I jumped the gun, I hope I haven’t weirded you out or anything. You really, really don’t have to say it back to me. I mean it.”

“Tony—”

“No, in fact— Please don’t say anything. It’s fine. Let’s just pretend this never happened, okay?”

“But—”

“Drop it, Steve. Please?” Tony pleads. Clearly, his brain hadn’t been firing on all cylinders. That is the only reason that could explain his temporary lapse of judgment. “Look, I feel like talking about it more right now is going to send me spiraling into a panic attack.”

“...Okay. Fine.”

“Thank you. Uh, I’ll see you when I get home. If I get home. If the plane doesn’t crash. Haha.”

“Would you please stop saying that? It’s not funny.”

Tony latches onto the change in topic like a lifeline. “It is objectively true, you know. In order for me to be able to see you tomorrow, the plane has to land safely, and unfortunately, some things are just beyond my control. Like, who’s to say the plane won’t explode mid-air and—”

“The plane is going to land safely and you’re going to come back home to me in one piece. This is non-negotiable, Tony. You hear me?” Steve demands, his voice all hard authority and no-nonsense, like there will be Consequences should Tony fail to comply. 

As if he could ensure Tony’s safety with the force of his willpower alone. 

Come back home to me. 

That sounds good. Really good. Tony closes his eyes and pictures Steve’s baby blues in his mind’s eye. Warmth flowers in his chest.

“I hear you.”

“Great.”

“Awesome. I, uh, I gotta go now.”

“Okay. See you tomorrow.”

“See you.”

Tony hangs up and lets Paul know that he is done with his phone call. The jittery feeling left over from his call with Steve refuses to leave him, however, so he pulls up the drawing application on his phone and begins sketching something just to give his brain something else to fixate on.

He tends to lose track of time when he is hyperfocused on a project, so he isn’t exactly surprised that the next time he becomes aware of his surroundings, the plane is already well up in the air, his sketch of what looks like a flying coffee pot is almost finished, and Robbie is placing a plate of spaghetti carbonara on the table in front of him. 

“Spaghetti carbonara. With extra cheese.”

Tony’s mouth waters as he eyes the mountain of grated Pecorino Romano sitting atop the pasta. He sighs dreamily and smiles up at Robbie.

“You’re a lifesaver.”

“Enjoy, Boss.” Robbie grins and slips back into the kitchen.

He only realizes just how truly famished he is after taking his first bite, and proceeds to finish the rest of his meal with gusto. Afterward, he spends the majority of the remaining flight time sleeping, the result of post-carbonara food coma and his sleep-deprivation finally catching up to him. 

It’s well past two in the morning when Tony finally makes it to his floor in the Tower, which is why he is surprised to see Steve sitting on his couch, one of Tony’s fantasy novels open in hand. 

“Steve, what are you doing here?”

Steve’s head snaps up at the sound of his voice. Tony frowns. “Actually, why are you awake at all?” He is usually an early sleeper, unless—

“Nightmare?” Tony gives him a sympathetic smile. It wouldn’t be the first time. In the early days of their friendship, Tony and Steve would sit together in the living room whenever they had trouble sleeping, talking to each other until the sun came up.

Steve shakes his head, closing the book with his eyes still trained on Tony. “No, I was just… waiting for you.” Tony blinks. 

“It’s…” Tony glances at his watch. “Half past two. In the morning.”

“I know, I just…” Steve stands up, shoving his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants. He ambles over before coming to a stop right in front of Tony. “I wanted to see you.”

Tony stares at him uncomprehendingly. “You’ll see me later anyway.”

“I couldn’t wait any longer. I didn’t want to go to sleep without seeing you first,” Steve says, low and earnest. His gaze wanders around Tony’s face, as if he were cataloguing each and every facial feature and trying to locate any changes he might’ve missed during his absence.

“Oh.”

Steve steps closer, arms snaking around Tony’s waist and pulling him close. His next words are whispered against Tony’s shoulder.

“I knew you’d make it home safely.”

“Uh, yeah.”

“You were wrong.”

“I was… wrong.” Tony swallows. “Uh, turns out the bad feeling completely disappeared after I woke up from my nap on the plane, so I suspect that perhaps the bad feeling I got was due to my severe hunger and sleep deprivation. I mean, I’ve heard about hallucinations caused by hunger or exhaustion, but this was—” 

Steve presses a soft kiss to the column of Tony’s neck, effectively cutting off Tony’s ramblings.

“Tony,” Steve whispers against his skin.

“Yeah?” Tony squeaks.

“Please don’t call me before a flight and say that you think the plane is going to crash, ever again.”

“Right. Noted. I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted,” Steve says, pulling away slightly and loosening his hold around Tony.

Tony allows himself to relax, letting out a quiet sigh. This thing with Steve is so new and delicate that every single physical contact still sends his heart fluttering, butterflies going crazy in his stomach.

Which makes, in retrospect, his abrupt love confession—as truthful as it was—that much more insane. God, Stark. Never do that again.

Except, it turns out that Steve only pulled away to slide his hands down the back of Tony’s thighs, wrapping his hands around them, and then lifting him up without warning.

Tony yelps, and in his alarm, promptly locks his ankles around Steve’s waist. When Steve begins moving, Tony quickly wraps his arms around Steve, resting his chin on Steve’s shoulder.

“Uh, Steve?”

“Hm?” Steve says, calm and nonchalant, as he begins walking away from the elevator. 

“Um— Wait— My suitcase—”

“Leave it. It’ll still be there in the morning.”

Tony blinks, staring dumbfoundedly at his lonely suitcase, abandoned by the elevator. It becomes smaller and smaller with every step Steve takes. 

“Where are we going?”

“Your bedroom.”

“Why are you carrying me there?”

“Because I want to.”

“You know it’ll be faster if you just let me walk, right?”

“Maybe. But you won’t be in my arms.”

“Um.”

“Bear with me, will you? I missed you.”

“I, uh, missed you too.”

Steve hums, satisfied. Tony lets himself settle more comfortably in Steve’s arms.

When Steve has successfully carried him to his bedroom, Tony fully expects Steve to deposit him on the bed. 

That is not, in fact, what happens. 

Instead, Steve turns around and begins walking backwards towards the bed before sitting down on it. Tony, still seated on his lap, swallows and pulls back slightly to look at Steve. 

“Look, Steve, as much as I’ve missed you, I’m kind of tired right now. I mean, don’t get me wrong. This whole carrying thing? Great. Very romantic. Ten out of ten. But I’m just not in the mood for sex, you know? Like, I’m not even sure I would be able to get it up if—”

“We’re not going to have sex.”

Tony blinks.

“We’re not?”

“We’re not. I’m just here to tuck you in.”

“Oh.”

Steve reaches up and begins undoing his tie. After setting it aside on the bed, he begins to unbutton Tony’s shirt. He takes his time, one button at a time.

“So…” Steve begins with a deep breath as he unbuttons the final button. “Did you mean, uh, what you said to me? On the phone?”

Tony closes his eyes, feels his own cheeks heating up. “Steve—”

“I’m sorry, Tony, I know you told me to drop it. But— I feel like if you did mean what you said, I owe it to you to… set the records straight.” When Tony opens his eyes again, Steve is looking up at him, blue eyes solemn.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… We have only been together for a week. Well, eight days. In fact, we’ve only been on one date. And it was interrupted. By giant lizards.” Steve chuckles incredulously. 

Tony remembers that day very well. They were in the middle of dessert at Tony’s favorite Italian place when they received the call to assemble—something about giant lizards wreaking havoc in Central Park.

The lizards had green, gunky blood that got into the nooks and crannies of the suit. It had taken forever to clean.

“But Tony…” Steve gathers the material of Tony’s unbuttoned shirt in both of his fists, pulling him closer until their noses are only inches apart.

The second their eyes meet, Steve smiles the sweet, lopsided smile that never fails to make Tony’s stomach flip.

“I need you to know that… I didn’t have to date you to know that I loved you. I figured that a long time ago.”

Tony stills, breath frozen in his lungs.

“I guess, what I’m saying is… I love you too. I’ve loved you for a very long time, Tony. Even way before—” Steve breaks eye contact, looks down as he clears his throat. When he speaks again, his voice is tight. “Way before we got together. I’m talking… years before.”

Tony still finds it hard to breathe. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Steve says, the word more breath than sound. He meets Tony’s dazed gaze. “So you don’t have to worry about… jumping the gun. Not with me. I’m in it for the long haul.”

“...Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Good.” Tony feels a lightness growing inside of him, spreading outwards to his extremities.

“Good.” Steve smiles, warm and impossibly fond.

“...Glad we’re on the same page.” Tony’s gaze drops down to Steve’s lips.

“We are.” Steve inches closer, nose brushing Tony’s. He then tilts his head ever so slightly and takes Tony’s lower lip between his, kissing him so tenderly Tony’s heart feels like it’s about to burst with it.

Steve’s warm hands slide up Tony’s naked back under his open shirt, sending goosebumps breaking across his skin. Tony buries his hands in Steve’s hair and relishes the feeling of the soft strands caught between his fingers. They stay caught up in each other for a few moments, capturing and releasing each other’s lips until the need for breath becomes too unbearable.

They break apart eventually, accompanied by soft chuckles. Steve smiles up at him, lips slick and cherry red, courtesy of Tony. He reaches up to caress Tony’s right eyebrow with the pad of his thumb, fleeting and affectionate.

“Get some rest, okay? You must be really tired. I should probably go to bed, too.”

Tony looks down at his lap, clearing his throat. “Uh, I know that we haven’t done this before, but…”

Steve waits patiently for Tony to gather his thoughts, hands stroking up and down Tony’s sides.

“Do you want to stay with me tonight?” Tony finds the courage to meet Steve’s eyes, holding his breath.

Steve’s blue eyes are gazing at him intently, looking at him like he’s the only person in the world worth his sole, undivided attention.

Tony swallows. “No sex. Just to sleep. If you—”

“Yes.”

“Yeah?”

“I would like that very much.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Good.” Tony feels his own lips slowly curve up into a smile, wide and unbridled. 

“Good.” Steve nods, lips twitching, his eyes never leaving Tony’s. 

Tony grins, feeling near giddy with delight. “Glad we’re on the same page.”

“We are, sweetheart.” Steve looks up at him, blue eyes fond and smile radiant. “We definitely are.”