#i just want season 2 to be only myself left to conquer with a good ending | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

seyaryminamoto · 3 years

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Do you think canon Zuko has any understanding of the idea of duty? That he, especially given that he aspires to political power, should act like his status as Prince gives him certain responsibilities? That doing what's best for the for Fire Nation or the world might require him to do things which make him unhappy or uncomfortable or require him to make grave personal sacrifices? Does he even understand duty as a concept?

Oof. Complicated questions, thus, this sat in my inbox for a veeeery long time.

I honestly, seriously, genuinely... don't think Zuko truly understood, at any point in canon, what it really meant to be a leader. I know many of us (and I think you, too?) don't particularly like the comics, but in my opinion, The Promise did a surprisingly decent job at highlighting several problems left in the wake of the end of the war, and perhaps unintentionally, this is one of the problems: upon becoming Fire Lord, Zuko is remarkably erratic, unsure of his choices, even seeking advice from his FATHER, of all people, because he has no idea what he's doing.

In the most favorable possible view of Iroh, he taught Zuko to be a better person. I don't entirely adscribe to this belief, but fine, let's concede that he did, or else this answer would never end: not just because you're a good person, however, are you guaranteed to be a good leader. Zuko, as we both know, is far from the best person in the world, and he is prone to making impulsive, emotional mistakes that can cause harm and trouble, and typically, Zuko doesn't face the consequences of most his actions, or the narrative just pins the blame on someone else. When we see this sort of behavior in a real-life politician, the immediate reaction we would have is "this guy is awful at his job", and sadly, I find myself thinking that quite often when it comes to Zuko's canon tenure as Fire Lord.

So... what is Zuko's concept of duty? Going by his pursuit of Aang in the first two seasons, duty is a task given to him by someone whose approval he seeks (in this case, Ozai) and he must pull it off, no matter what, to gain said approval. By Book 3, this logic still applies fairly easily to how Zuko acts over Iroh: I've highlighted in the past that the main motivation for Zuko's redemption is Iroh, doing right by Iroh, making amends to Iroh, regretting how he treated Iroh. He points that out explicitly in Ember Island Players, he does it as well indirectly by bringing up Iroh first of all, when confronting Ozai: this is his main priority. Ergo... I'd honestly say it's safe to judge that this is what Zuko regards as duty, as what he has to do. Iroh wants him to be Fire Lord? That's exactly what he becomes. The difficulties and complications in this particular line of work are taken for granted, and so, we have an outcome that was remarkably well depicted in The Promise, despite that comic's many glaring flaws: Zuko gets swept back and forth, twisted left and right by all the pressures and responsibilities, because he has no idea what he's doing as Fire Lord, and no idea/experience in how to be a real leader.

As far as I can tell, the core of the matter is that nobody really seems to have taken Zuko all that seriously as future Fire Lord. Ozai, evidently, wasn't training Zuko to be his personal heir. Ozai himself is a questionable source of information regarding learning what it means to be Fire Lord, considering he, as well, wasn't raised to take that role, just as he didn't raise Zuko for it. Yet Iroh didn't exactly teach Zuko how to lead anyone either, as far as I can tell: his lessons were meant to be of a more personal nature, and even then, Zuko had lots of trouble accepting most of them. Iroh's firebending lessons to Zuko were typically stunted in the basics because he was hot-headed and rash about getting to the intense and interesting stuff...

So: neither Ozai nor Iroh gave Zuko actual responsibilities. Ozai gave him a punishment Zuko was trying to endure however possible, a punishment he wanted to prove himself unworthy of by finding the Avatar and "regaining his honor". Then, Iroh punished Zuko as well by giving him the cold shoulder in Book 3, then he escaped and Zuko did everything he did, after betraying Ozai, to prove himself worthy of Iroh's kindness once again. It's not actual duty, the way it is in Azula's case: no doubt, Azula wants Ozai's approval too, but she has the madman's trust when it comes to finding her brother and uncle, to taking down the Avatar, and to conquering Ba Sing Se, as far as anyone can tell. I do doubt Ozai gave her all these missions at once, but he gave her the resources through which she pulled off ALL of them: she had the firebending procession, she had a ship, she had a train-tank, she had mounts... Zuko had a rundown ship that looked like a 1:10 scale version of every other ship in the harbor back in the very third episode: he was being punished. In contrast, Azula is entrusted with a mission, with LEADERSHIP, while Zuko has no visible, tangible, objective experience with the latter (consider how Azula steals the Dai Li's loyalty from under Long Feng: when did we see Zuko pulling off something like this? Even with Jet, Zuko was more of an associate to the Freedom Fighters, and Jet was still the leader).

I've always thought Zuko wasn't prepared to be Fire Lord, and the main reasons are the ones you indirectly point out through this ask: Zuko doesn't seem to treat the throne as a responsibility, but as his right. I won't get tired of pointing out that this was NOT Zuko's birthright, he was NOT born thinking he'd be Fire Lord: he was born to the second branch in the Fire Nation family. We literally SEE the day in which Lu Ten's death is revealed to him. According to somewhat official sources? He's ELEVEN in Zuko Alone's flashbacks. I, personally, think he looks a little younger than that, but I think that's the official wikia age, no idea where they got that info but that's what it says. Meaning...

Zuko, objectively, only had been crown prince for FIVE YEARS.

Zuko was NOT raised, not by his mother, not by his father, with the belief that the throne would one day be his (Ursa is gone before Ozai is crowned and Ozai clearly wanted Azula for the job rather than Zuko).

And yet, when you backtrack to the show? It seriously looks like that was the case. He clings to the throne in Books 1 and 2 as though he had no other purpose in life, as though this was everything that was promised to him (in contrast, Azula only ever indicates wanting the throne in Sozin's Comet: Part One). Even when he's an outlaw, discarded and cast out, he STILL talks about the throne, as though most his identity were built upon the notion that he must become Fire Lord: why? How come? Within five years, he's crafted his entire existence around being the heir to the throne? That's... a bit weird.

And a bit wishful, too. Which is why I commend that the comics show him struggling as Fire Lord, if anything they should've had him struggling MORE than that, because Zuko is simply NOT prepared for these responsibilities. He never gave any indication, any sign, of seeing it as such. He sees it as his right, his birthRIGHT. Why? Why more people don't ponder how utterly strange this behavior is, beats me. But it really does bother me that Zuko built his entire existence around being Fire Lord in a very similar way to how Korra built her own about being the Avatar. I have very little praise to give LOK in general, but the premise of Korra learning she was a person, a human, and not just the Avatar felt like the perfect parallel to Aang's story, where he was very much anchored in his humility and belief that he was just "one kid", and his rejection of his duties as the Avatar was meant to change gradually as he learned to accept himself as he was. Korra, however, never fully hit the mark with this subject, in my personal opinion... much as Zuko doesn't hit the mark either, since the show's only direct attempt to "deconstrue" Zuko's clinging to the throne happens in one dialogue, and his attachment to the idea is built up again, right afterwards:

Zuko: And then ... then you would come and take your rightful place on the throne? Iroh: No. Someone new must take the throne. An idealist with a pure heart and unquestionable honor. It has to be you, Prince Zuko. Zuko: Unquestionable honor? But I've made so many mistakes. Iroh: Yes, you have. You've struggled; you've suffered, but you have always followed your own path. You restored your own honor, and only you can restore the honor of the Fire Nation. Zuko: I'll try, Uncle.

And there we have it. The only point in the show (that I can remember) where Zuko seemed to not feel worthy of the throne and questioned he should be the one sitting on it (RIGHTFULLY!), buuuuuuuut he goes right back to wanting it, right afterwards, based on how this single exchange was enough for him to be 100% determined to take down his sister, merely a few lines later.

As for his willingness to make personal sacrifices... some might say he was outright willing to die for Katara in the finale -- though I'll point out he was trying to redirect the lightning anyway, didn't do it as well as he should have, but he wasn't exactly, consciously, trying to DIE for her... --, some might say that he left Mai behind in the FIre Nation, and that as well was a sacrifice... but was it? We don't see him missing her, or suffering about her fate, at any point in time after SHE sacrifices herself for him in the Boiling Rock (my biggest gripe over this particular canon couple is this, tbh). I feel like the show generally presents Zuko's situation as somewhat... self-sacrificial? Especially in Books 1 and 2, and yet that's really not the case: it isn't Zuko himself who makes the choice of traveling to find Aang, it's a punishment inflicted upon him.

This particular view upon his circumstances makes it so Zuko is never responsible for... well, any of his choices? It's always someone else's fault, therefore, whatever he suffers through, there's always someone he can (and usually does) resent for it. Therefore... I can't genuinely think of anything Zuko sacrificed in order to come as far as he did. He was forced to let go of things by his father, typically, by Zhao as well, maybe, but even then, it's not like we saw that he has a super healthy and happy relationship with, I don't know, Earth Kingdom people (his only meaningful positive EK bond was with Jin, which went nowhere and goes forgotten after a single mini episode)? The Palace staff? The commoners of the Fire Nation (they just treat him like a hero and he seems awkward and distant about it anyway, like he can really just do without their worship)? He doesn't have other friends beyond Azula's own friends... thus, he doesn't sacrifice anything that really matters. And in a sense, some people might say he doesn't have to sacrifice anything at all: he already went through so much strife and struggle that why would he need to sacrifice anything else? But the thing is... you DO have to learn to make such sacrifices if you're going to be a good king.

So often, people who devote themselves to their jobs have to consciously neglect their families, to name one thing: Zuko neglects Mai and she explodes at him for it in The Promise, then he just tries to get her back at all costs in Smoke & Shadow, with no thoughts given to the fact that maybe he isn't ready to juggle both a relationship and the throne, that maybe Mai could be happier with someone other than him, someone who can give her the attention and relationship she's looking for... THOSE are the sacrifices I'd be referring to, personally, sacrifices where his happiness and peace of mind have to be set aside for the sake of something much more important than himself, and I expect that's the kind of sacrifices you're referring to, too. I seriously don't think he's ready to make them, and with the comics as reference, there's seriously no evidence to suggest he's prepared to accept these burdens that come with the heavy mantle of leadership and ruling. I've never seen any signs of him being ready for it, myself. Maybe I need to reexamine the show and see if maybe I'm missing something... but I don't really think I am.

The worst part, for me, is that Zuko isn't even doing the bulk of the things he's doing in pursuit of genuine happiness: he's doing it over a sense of destiny. He never stops to reason with that destiny, to wonder if maybe he doesn't need to be Fire Lord, if maybe he could have a life beyond that role. Book 2 veeeery briefly suggests he MIGHT be on his way to questioning that destiny, but as I've said before, I don't see the sense in Zuko's big change of heart after the Appa incident considering we don't really understand what he's learned, other than how to be the perfect nephew for Iroh, apparently. Zuko never really is happy, as he says in the show: his happiest moments are with Mai and they're only like a 25% of his relationship with her, everything else is a mess (and his relationship with her isn't exactly the core of his character, either). So, the way I see it... Zuko is even worse off than it looks at first glance. He's out to fulfill a destiny he has never stopped to reason with, a destiny he's 100% sure is his, despite he has only been on that path, objectively, for five years? Despite he wasn't raised all along under the belief that this was what he was supposed to be? If given a chance to be genuinely happy, what on earth would he even do? A lot of the growth I gave him in Gladiator was based on that particular question: is the throne really what Zuko needs to be happy? It doesn't look like it, even in canon. If it's not... then it's not happiness he seeks, it's some sort of sense of assurance that he's doing the right thing, according to the figure of authority he follows at a set point in time: by Book 3, said authority is Iroh, and Iroh wants him on the throne. His motivation, as far as I can see it, is as simple as that.

Long story short... I don't think Zuko really has a strong grasp on many concepts that he absolutely should have reasoned with and worked out in order to become Fire Lord. In a sense, he's way too young for the role he's given, for the heavy burdens he has to deal with, and I'll NEVER see the sense in not having Iroh taking the throne (beyond how "poetic" the creators and writers found it to crown Zuko to finish his story, of course), at least for a short time, before Zuko can be ready. This is exactly why I wrote things that way in my oneshot where Azula takes Zuko's role, more or less: Iroh serves as regent while Azula prepares for taking the full role of Fire Lord when she's ready. I love her, she's awesome, I absolutely adore her character... but I don't think an Azula who was sidelined and sent on a long voyage with her uncle for YEARS could possibly be ready for the responsibilities of being Fire Lord right away.

Meanwhile? Iroh was given leadership of military missions enough times that he became a general in the Fire Nation forces. By all evidence, he was Fire Lord Azulon's pampered and spoiled son, whom he DID prepare for the duties of a Fire Lord for as long as Iroh was born: Iroh literally had fifty-ish years of preparation, as far as I can tell? How is he NOT the better suited person to take the throne, if just temporarily, while his nephew learns what it really means to rule by watching him, or by maybe learning leadership by managing smaller duties first, a specific town or city, and then putting his knowledge to good use by becoming Fire Lord properly?

Eh... because it wouldn't be an epic enough finale for the show, I suppose. That's the only answer I can find for this particular question.

So... yeah. That got long :'D but in short... I don't think Zuko has a strong grasp on responsibility and duty, let alone on the burdens inherent to these concepts. Yet more reasons why his character's arc can't hit all the marks it should, imo, to make it as great as the whole fandom is already convinced it is.

#zuko-always-lies #more zuko meta #and it got long #:'D #if anyone needs a read more #let me know and I'll add it #but for now #it is what it is #you know it really is sad to write all this when I'm more or less making peace with Zuko via Gladiator #and actually making him reason with soooo much stuff #that he never really had to in the show #*siiiiigh*#he'll never be my fav #that much is obvious #but he could be MORE #and it's sad that he's not #very sad

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wefoundloveunderthelight · 3 years

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Truth or Dare by GleefullyCaptainSwan

Chapter 1 of 1

Read on AO3 or on FF

Stacy's Tortured Crew: @teamhook @kmomof4 @stahlop @lfh1226-linda @ilovemesomekillianjones @itsfabianadocarmo @mariakov81 @qualitycoffeethings @zaharadessert @jrob64 @jonesfandomfanatic @natascha-ronin @tiganasummertree @xarandomdreamx @therooksshiningknight @batana54 @superchocovian @onceratheart18 @ultraluckycatnd @snowbellewells @karlyfr13s @the-darkdragonfly @xsajx @deckerstarblanche @jonesfandomfanatic @winterbaby89

Summary: When David Nolan sends Emma Swan and Killian Jones on a simple overnight business trip to Denver, the two just want to take care of negotiations and return home. But the storm of the century has other plans as they embark on a night of discovery, learning more about their co-worker than either anticipated.

Notes: This fic really has no point, I've been in a weird place, my WIPs are going nowhere so I wrote this one for fun to shake the cobwebs, so I hope you enjoy this little smutty trip to Denver.

Truth or Dare

“So, I’m going to need to send someone to Denver tomorrow.” Everyone in the room groaned and Emma tried to sink down in her chair. She hoped by making herself smaller, David wouldn’t see her, wouldn’t select her to travel this weekend. It’s not like she had plans, except to maybe binge watch the next few episodes of Bridgerton before Season 2 started up.

“Emma, I really need you there.” She internally groaned but smiled at her boss.

“Of course, I’m all over it, you can count on me, Boss.” He nodded and then turned his head to the other side of the large table.

“Killian, your input might be of use here.”

Emma wanted to slide under the table. Why on earth would David send Killian with her?

“Sir?”

“I think it’s important for you to provide your marketing experience to the executives.”

“Of course.” He remarked and Emma rolled her eyes, she didn’t need Killian’s experience in anything, she could handle a simple business negotiation without him but who was she to argue with David Nolan?

Emma stood from the table and hurried back to her office to book her travel. The moment she closed her door it opened behind her.

“Do you fly United, love?”

Her eyes literally rolled back in her head before she turned around. She looked up to see Killian Jones standing in her doorway. “You already know that’s the preferred partner of Nolan Industries.”

“I can book the hotel if you book the flight, might be easier if we divide and conquer on such short notice.”

“Yeah whatever.” She said, barely looking in his direction as she sat down at her desk.

“Alright, well, just email me the flight information. Did you need a ride to the airport tomorrow?”

“I can get there myself.” She said shortly, hoping he would just leave but realizing he was still standing in her doorframe. She sighed and then looked up to meet his gaze. “I’ll just meet you there.”

He smiled hesitantly as he finally started to leave. “Sure, sounds good. See you tomorrow.”

Emma kept her eyes on the screen in front of her, the last thing she needed to think about was a whole weekend alone with Killian Jones.

It wasn’t that she hated him, he seemed nice enough, she just didn’t spend a lot of time getting to know the people in her office, choosing instead to spend her time alone in her apartment after work, curled up with a glass of wine and a good book.

Killian had started working for the company about two years ago and while every woman at the company tripped over themselves to get to know him, she had better things to do.

Now she was going to have to spend an entire weekend alone with him in Denver. Her only hope was that the negotiations would be simple, and she would be back in her hotel room before he got on her nerves or even worse, tried to get to know her better.

~*~

Killian stared out the window as the plane made it’s decent. He hadn’t expected David to pick him for this trip, yet here he was, landing in Denver to negotiate an important deal for the company. Things were finally looking up for him professionally.

He could see the blonde hair of his travel partner from the top of her seat. He wasn’t surprised to find that Emma had booked his seat three rows behind her instead of beside her. They weren’t exactly acquaintances, in fact, Killian had yet to really make an impact on the woman since joining the company two years ago.

Not for lack of trying on his part, yet she seemed disinterested in talking to him beyond the occasional “how was your weekend” question as they passed each other in the hallway. Normally it didn’t take much for a woman to show interest in talking to him, generally he spent more time running from the women in his office than he did chasing one. This made Emma Swan intriguing, infuriating, and somewhat of an enigma to him.

They sat in silence on the cab ride to the hotel, large flakes of snow falling all around them outside the car.

“It’s the storm of the century.” The cab driver lamented. “Can’t say I’ve seen worse weather in all my time living here.”

“Wonderful.” Emma complained beside him.

“They’re saying the power is out all over town. I’ll be surprised if your hotel even has heat.”

“I’m sorry what?” Emma raised her voice and Killian reached out to still the woman beside him.

“I’m sure it’s fine, Swan.”

“How do you know; you are arriving at the same time as me?”

“Storm of the century.” He smirked, staring at her in annoyance, there was nothing he was going to say to put her at ease. And to his utter chagrin, when they arrived at the hotel he was quick to notice that the entrance was filled with candles, lighting the way to the front desk.

“So, it’s not fine then.” She remarked sarcastically as he held the door open for her.

It was going to be a bloody long weekend.

~*~

Emma looked around the lobby of the mostly dark hotel. Of course she would be traveling to Denver in the middle of a snowstorm. They had received a phone call letting them know that due to the weather, the meeting had been delayed until the morning, so now all she wanted to do was to get to her room, climb under the covers, forget about the entire trip, and go to bed early.

Killian approached her after talking to the desk clerk and she could already see from the look on his face, she wasn’t going to like what he had to say. “Alright Swan, do you want the good news or the bad news?”

She stared at her traveling partner in disgust. “Why is there bad news?”

“Storm of the century.” He said matter-of-factly, a smirk on his face.

“Fine, good news first.”

“Due to the storm, the restaurant isn’t open tonight, however they are providing dinner to our rooms for free, and the bar is included in the room service.”

“Lovely, then what is the bad news?” She scowled.

“Well love, apparently there was some sort of mix up in the reservation and well…”

She stared at his face, the frown growing on her lips as he hesitated to share whatever horrid news he had. “Spit it out, Jones.”

“They only had one room and well due to the storm, they are booked solid.” He held up the key in front of her. “So…roommate?”

Emma groaned loudly. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“I assure you love; I would not joke about such a thing.” He tried to smile but Emma could see he was just as anxious as she was about the situation they were in.

“Fine, we’ll share the room.” She stated begrudgingly, following him up the stairs toward their floor. She was happy that they only had to climb three flights instead of higher into the darkness.

By the time he pushed the door open on room 322, she wanted to just hop in the shower and forget the entire debacle, however the moment she saw the room her heart dropped.

“It’s only got one bed, Jones.” She growled.

“About that, Swan…did I forget to mention the bed situation?”

“Bed Situation? This is more than a bed situation; this is a nightmare.” She complained, dropping her bag on the floor.

“I’ll take the floor, no need to worry. Everything will work itself out.” He shrugged, setting his bag in the corner, and lighting a few of the candles the hotel had offered them.

Emma sighed. “Fine. But I have dibs on the shower first.”

“As you wish, I hope a grilled cheese is satisfactory for dinner? They didn’t have a lot of options.”

Emma exhaled harshly, at least dinner would be to her liking, but she didn’t want to tell Killian that. He was the one who screwed up the reservation after all. She knew she should have planned her own trip. “It will do.” She said shortly as she stepped into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

~*~

Killian set the food out on the table, listening to the shower still running in the bathroom. The last thing he expected on this trip was to be sharing a room with Emma Swan, The Ice Princess of the Boardroom.

The bathroom door opened, and Emma stepped out in a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, her wet hair was pulled up into a towel on top of her head. He had never seen her look so relaxed outside of the office.

“Dinner is served, though it seems a bit cold.” He shrugged. “I supposed I’ll shower now since it won’t affect the temperature of the food if I wait or not.”

He retreated to the bathroom, quickly closing the door behind him to step into the hot shower and wash away the stress of the trip. He knew it wouldn’t be long until all the hot water was gone.

To be honest, the trip wasn’t a total nightmare. It wasn’t that he minded traveling for Nolan Industries, he had been grateful to David Nolan for taking him on, glad that there were still people willing to put their trust in him after what had happened at Gold Enterprises.

But being stuck in this hotel room with Emma Swan in the middle of the storm of the century was going to take more than just grilled cheese and some blankets on the floor for the trip not to end in a nightmare. He heard a knock on the door and quickly dried off to dress for the night.

When he left the bathroom, he saw the bottle of rum sitting on the table as Emma sat chewing on her sandwich. “You ordered rum? Really?”

“Figured it would keep us warm without the heat.”

“You want to drink a bottle of rum? With no mixers?”

“Sorry Princess, they didn’t have anything else. No need to partake if you can’t handle it.” He groused.

“I didn’t say I couldn’t handle it.” She scoffed defiantly.

They sat through dinner in an uncomfortable silence, chewing their food while ignoring the tight quarters they were being forced to share. He reached for the bottle and poured two glasses. “What do you say? Wanna play a game, love?”

“Excuse me?”

“Fancy a drinking game…unless you have a better idea? Never have I ever?”

“What are you twelve years old?” She laughed, reaching out to take her glass from the table and looking around the room as if she were considering her options.

“Come now, lass, I’ll start…” He paused. “Never have I ever played a drinking game while sitting in the dark with a co-worker.” He quickly took a drink. He watched as she looked at him in confusion. When she didn’t drink he exhaled. “If you’ve done it, you have to drink, Swan.”

“I know how to play the game.” She said dryly, putting the glass to her lips as she swallowed the liquid, her face immediately puckering. “God that’s not even good rum.”

“Beggars can’t be choosers; it warms the blood.” Emma wrapped the blanket around her shoulders.

“Fine, never have I ever gotten a tattoo.” She sat her glass on the table watching him suspiciously. He lifted the glass to his lips and took a sip. “Seriously? Where?”

He lifted his sleeve, showing the ship’s anchor on his shoulder. “Got it when I turned 18.”

“An anchor?”

“Aye, my brother Liam, he was in the Navy when he passed.” Her face dropped.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I had no idea.”

“No harm, lass.” He lowered his sleeve and thought about his next question, wanting to change the topic. “Never have I ever been in love.” After he took a drink, he was surprised when she didn’t. “Bullshit.” He scoffed.

“What? I haven’t.”

“It’s hardly a fair game if you aren’t going to be honest.”

“I am being honest; I’ve never been in love.” She stood up from the table and walked over to the bed. “This is a stupid game, let’s play something else.” She took another drink from her glass.

“Fine, truth or dare, love?”

She giggled loudly, “You’re kidding right? Do you play anything that’s not meant for high school students?” She sighed. “Fine, truth it is, but this is ridiculous.”

~*~

After the third question, Emma was starting to feel the alcohol spinning in her head. “Ok Jones, truth or dare?”

“Let’s shake things up, I’ll take a dare.”

“Oooh, brave.” She giggled and then thought about her options before coming up with something delicious. “Ok then, I dare you to go into the hall, knock on a door of your choosing, and flirt with whoever answers. Gender doesn’t matter.”

“That’s all you’ve got? Dare accepted.” He jumped up from his chair and peeked into the hallway, knocking on the door directly across the hall. The door slammed shut and she jumped up from the bed, peering through the peephole. She could hear his voice on the other side as an elderly woman opened the door.

“Good evening, gorgeous.”

“Can I help you, son?”

“With the storms brewing I thought I would check in on you, make sure that you are doing alright, love.”

“What are you playing at?” The woman asked with a cranky tone.

“I would hate a lovely lass such as yourself to find herself alone and without warmth on a night like tonight. Perhaps you are in need of some company, if you know what I mean?”

Emma put a hand over her mouth to stifle the laugh that escaped, pushing away from the door when Killian returned to the room, his hair and shirt soaking wet. “What happened?”

“Can you believe it; she threw a glass of water on me. Apparently she was not in the need of any company.” He said exasperatedly. Emma couldn’t contain her laughter until he tore the shirt over his head and tossed it to the ground. She swallowed hard as she stared at his naked torso, dark tendrils of hair covering his chest. She climbed back on the bed, dragging the pillow over her lap as she tried to hunker down into the mattress.

Killian plunked down into his chair and stared at her. “Your turn love.” He sighed, finishing his glass of rum, and pouring another round. He held the bottle up to her and she leaned forward, holding her glass up for him to fill. She knew she shouldn’t continue drinking but there was nothing else for the two of them to do anyway.

“I’m not ready for payback, so I’ll choose truth.” She shrugged.

“Have you ever cheated on a partner?”

“That was a waste of a question, never. I wouldn’t do that to someone I was with.” She took a sip of her drink and gestured for him to take his turn.

“Alright love, give me your best truth question.”

Emma bit her lip. “What happened to your brother?”

He seemed surprised by her question, taking a long sip of his drink. “Um…” He paused, almost hesitant to continue. “It was a training incident, his unit got cut off from the rest of the group and he made the call to save his team instead of returning to his family.”

Emma watched as he spoke with sincerity and sadness. Maybe it was the alcohol, but she had never seen Killian seem so genuine before. She almost felt guilty for the way she had been behaving toward him all day, none of this had been his fault, unless he was somehow responsible for the weather.

“He will always be a hero to me.” He lifted his glass and toasted toward the sky. Emma sat in silence, taking a sip of her drink in support. “Alright Swan, your turn.”

“I’ll stay with truth.” She smiled.

He narrowed his eyes. “What’s the most recent lie you’ve told?”

Emma stared at her feet, rocking back in the bed, she bit her lip as she contemplated her answer. “Fine, maybe I have been in love. Once.” She took another drink of her alcohol.

“Why lie about that, lass?”

“I don’t know, I guess being in love with Neal is a piece of my history that is more embarrassing to admit. I mean, he played me, he made me feel like a total idiot.”

“Honestly, I always thought Neal was kind of a douche.”

She cackled loudly. “He was a terrible person but an even worse lover.” She snorted as if she had just told her girlfriend a close secret.

“You alright there, love?” He asked as she buried her face in her pillow. She pulled the pillow away and stared at him.

“Who were you in love with?”

“Sorry?”

“You drank on that question, so who were you in love with?”

“I’m not the one who chose truth, love. That was your question, not mine.” He took another drink before getting up from the table and sitting on the floor. “Alright, bring it on, Swan. Dare.”

~*~

“Truth.”

“Hmm…” He pursed his lips and took another drink. “Best orgasm you’ve ever had?” His eyes never left her face as he watched her cheeks blush.

“Oh God no, no, no, can I change to dare instead?” She laughed, her face looking on in horror.

“I think that’s against the rules, but I’ll allow it.” He brushed his fingers against the stubble at his jaw. “Ok, Swan, I dare you to serenade me with your favorite song.”

“Oh God, I can’t sing…”

“Either you answer the question or give me your best Beyonce. Come on Swan, I believe in you.” He teased with a wink.

Emma took a long swig of her drink and stood up on the bed. “Oh God I can’t believe I’m doing this.” She covered her face with her hands and Killian couldn’t help but recognize how beautiful the woman truly was.

And then she sang, in the loudest voice she could muster, so loud that he half expected the grumpy old woman across the hall to come banging on their door.

“Kiss me beneath the milky twilight

Lead me out on the moonlit floor

Lift your open hand, strike up the band

And make the fireflies dance, silver moon's sparkling

So kiss me”

She held her arms out as she finished her last note and then collapsed on the bed, burying her face in the sheets. “Oh my God I can’t believe I just did that.”

He clapped loudly, holding his drink up toward her. “Well done, Swan. Truly remarkable, loud, but remarkable.”

~*~

After a couple of hours, Emma was starting to feel like she was getting a better understanding of Killian Jones. With each question he shared more of his personality, something that was starting to intrigue her. But…she felt like he was holding something back. She thought about her next question, asking before he finished his glass.

“Why did you leave Gold Enterprises?” She immediately saw the way he flinched at the question. She expected it honestly, the details surrounding Killian’s previous employer was shrouded in mystery. David had only shared that Gold Enterprises loss was Nolan Industries gain.

“Bloody hell, a little bit of alcohol and you go right for the jugular.”

“Are you choosing dare instead?” She asked with a tight smile.

“Fair is fair…” He sucked in a deep breath. “I guess the truth is I wasn’t really given a choice to stay.”

“So, you were fired?” She asked, confirming her earlier suspicion.

“Aye, but to be fair, it was a fate I deserved.”

“Stealing from the company?” She joked.

“You’re not far off.” He said seriously and Emma’s mouth dropped open. She was not expecting that.

“Wait, seriously? You stole from the company and David still hired you?”

“Not from the company, love.” He poured another glass of rum. “I suppose you could say I stole from Mr. Gold.”

“You stole money from Robert Gold?” She asked, a complete feeling of shock overwhelming her.

“Not money, but something he treated with just as much disregard.” He responded sadly. “Robert’s wife, Milah Gold.”

“Oh my God, you had an affair with the boss’s wife?” She dropped the pillow into her lap.

“It’s not as nefarious as you might think. I didn’t seek out an affair, I never intended something so distasteful. You remember when you asked me who the woman was that I loved from our earlier question? Milah was that woman.” He said solemnly.

“I’m guessing you got caught, hence Gold firing you.”

“I wasn’t aware she was Robert’s wife. We met at an office party; it was love at first breath to be honest. We began seeing each other, I should have questioned her insistence on keeping things private, but I only saw what I wanted to see. I was just as surprised as Robert when he caught us in my office, suddenly I saw a completely different side of her. And of course, her husband would believe her word against mine.”

“That’s terrible. I can’t believe she lied to you both.”

“You live and learn. She is and always will be my biggest regret and my greatest weakness.” He took another long drink from his glass, setting the cup back on the table and locking eyes with her. “But damn the sex was good. Best sex of my life…” He winked. “So far.”

Emma buried her face in her hands and laughed. “Oh God. I’ll never have a story like that. I’ve never even had an orgasm during sex much less had the best sex of my life.”

“That my dear is a bloody shame.” He shook his head. “There is no excuse for any man who doesn’t desire being able to make his woman fall apart either by his hand…” He sat up in his seat, “On his tongue, or buried inside of her as she screams your name.” Emma’s cheeks warmed and unconsciously she felt the nervous snort build inside of her before it escaped her mouth, Killian’s brow rose in amusement.

“Those men only exist in porn, fanfiction, or wet dreams. Men are only interested in getting their cocks off.”

He grabbed his chest and exhaled loudly. “You wound a man, Swan.”

“Just being honest.” She shrugged. “At least in my experience.”

He passed her the bottle of rum. “Just who are you, Swan?”

She took the bottle and poured it into her empty glass, trying to ignore the stare of his piercing blue eyes. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

He looked down at his hands for a moment before meeting her eyes again, something dark, yet honest swirling behind his pupils. “Perhaps, I would.”

She swallowed thickly, bringing the glass to her lips to have another sip of her liquid courage before passing the bottle back to him. She sat back on the bed again, trying not to settle her eyes in his lap. Wondering exactly what was behind those delicious sweatpants.

The silence sat thicky between them and Emma bit her lip. “Um it’s my turn…” She closed her eyes and breathed out. “Dare.”

She heard him chuckle before her lids opened, drawing up his body until she met his eyes. His tongue darted out to wet his lips and Emma admonished herself for wondering what he tasted like. “Alright Swan…” He paused, swirling his glass in front of him. “I dare you to let me show you what a real orgasm is like.”

She laughed loudly before realizing that he was serious. “No way.”

“I can’t sit by knowing that my gender has failed you, I think it only fair to right that wrong.”

Emma thought maybe she had drunk too much rum and had obviously passed out. There was no way he was suggesting what she thought he had said. “That’s not happening…we’re not…no.” She laughed, more certain now that if she herself hadn’t had too much to drink, he certainly had.

“Are you refusing the dare?”

She narrowed her eyes. “Seriously? It’s not happening, you and I…never going to happen.”

“I’ve not proposed marriage, love. Are you that terrified of an orgasm?”

“I’m not afraid of…you’re crazy.” She couldn’t think straight, suddenly images of Killian Jones touching her were invading her thoughts, causing reactions she wasn’t prepared for. Was it suddenly hot in here? She fanned herself without thought, seeing the immediate amusement on his face.

“Are you quite sure it’s that crazy? Come now, we’ll make rules, Swan.”

“Rules? No…” She squeezed her legs together, covering herself with her pillows. “No, we’re not making…what kind of rules would we even…?” Oh God, was she considering this?

“You can stay fully dressed, not a stitch of clothing would need to be removed.”

“Yeah right, because that’s possible.” She snorted.

“I can assure you lass, it’s very attainable.” He said seriously, his eyes dark and dangerous. Was he real?

“How are you going to…you know, without even touching me?” Oh God she was talking about this like it was a normal thing. This was not normal, it was crazy.

“I’m quite talented, Swan.” He winked and Emma flushed.

Fuck, she really was considering this.

“So fully clothed…and no kissing.” She heard herself say, barely recognizing her own voice.

“On the mouth.” He smirked. “I think I can accept those terms.”

“You think you can…” She scoffed. “This is crazy.” She shook her head, pulling the pillow up to her face.

“Fully clothed, no kissing on the mouth, anything else?” His voice was deep, did he always sound like that? She thought about what he said, none of this was possible, he was going to touch her through her clothes, he couldn’t kiss her, there was no way she was going to get off that way. Even when she tried to do it herself, it took her a frustratingly long time to get where she needed to be.

“Besides not doing it all, no, there isn’t anything else. I think those rules have already set you up for failure.” She chuckled nervously.

“Then we have an accord.” He sat up in his chair. “Come here, love.”

She swallowed hard. “Over there?”

“Aye.” His eyes locked with hers as she stood from the bed and walked toward him, her legs shaking with each step. She stared down at him as he sat back in the chair. He took her hand and pulled it to his mouth, brushing his lips against her palm. Good Lord, just watching him touch her was enough to leave her shivering. “Sit.” He demanded as he put his hands on her hips and turned her away from him, pulling her down into his lap. “Relax love.” His hands wrapped around her waist, and she felt his breath against her neck, sending electric shockwaves down her back. Her jaw tensed the moment she felt his mouth skim her earlobe.

“Most men fail in this complex task because they don’t pay attention to the cues.” His tongue glided against her neck. “It’s not about what you say, it’s about how she reacts to your words.” Emma shivered as the tenor of his voice vibrated in her ear. “Do you want me to touch you, Emma?”

Her entire body reacted the moment he said her name, she was either lost in a sea of alcohol, or drowning in his voice, currently she didn’t know which but the wetness forming between her legs made it clear that either one was working for her. She bit her lip. “Come, love, use your words.” He teased as his hands slid between her legs. She sat back in his lap, immediately intrigued by the bulge protruding against her backside.

He paused his hands at her thigh, his mouth hot against her ear. “Emma…”

“Yes.” She moaned, feeling his smirk grow against her skin.

“Good girl.” He mewed and the moment the words brushed against her, she melted into his touch. She was putty in his hands, and he was only touching her through her clothes. She could suddenly imagine him doing so much more, thoughts that had her entire body on fire. One hand palmed her mound through her sweatpants while the other traveled up her body, resting under her breast.

She wanted his hands on her, anywhere, as he continued to breathe heavily against her ear. When she moved her hips she heard him groan, a sound so simple yet so full of wanton desire that she thought she might fall apart in that very moment.

His hand slid against her breast, her nipple pebbling against the thin material of her pajama top. His thumb slid against the erected nipple, his tongue languidly pressed against her neck, it was so much and yet not enough all at once.

The noise she made was soft, yet the squeak that came after was not. He chuckled against her. “That’s the sound I want to hear.” He growled. His hand pressed against her center, pulling her against the bulge in his pants, grinding her down against him as they both moaned with an irrational need she never knew existed.

It felt like his hands were everywhere, his fingers were hard at her puckered nipple, the friction from his hands against her crotch had her soaking with desire. She couldn’t believe she was so close to the edge, so ready to fall into oblivion. “Let go, Emma.” His whisper was dripping with sex, the very definition of dangerous. She leaned back against his chest, feeling him grind his hips into her backside as his mouth brushed against her jaw, his lips dangerously close to hers.

It was overwhelming, but everything she needed before his name fell from her lips and her body released against him, her breaths coming out hot and heavy, her head swirling in thoughts she couldn’t even admit to herself. She could feel him breathing against her neck, a feeling that reminded her of the fact that she was still sitting on his lap as she came down from her high.

She stood quickly, removing herself from his embrace, she retreated to the safety of her bed, terrified of meeting his gaze. When she looked up he was watching her, his eyes still lost in a haze, not completely focused. “That was um…quite surprising and yet satisfying.”

“Aye it was…” He let his words hang in the air, not finishing his thought, simply drifting off as he stared at her.

“We should order dessert.” She announced, suddenly feeling like it was vital to eat something before the alcohol threatened to remove all her inhibitions.

He remained serious for a moment, almost lost in thought before the corner of his mouth upturned. “Dessert sounds delightful.”

~*~

Killian’s tongue darted across his lips, wetting them as they threatened to dry completely. He watched Emma sitting on the bed, enjoying each scrumptious bite of her cheesecake. Each moan of satisfaction she exclaimed from the delicate treat threatened to send him into oblivion.

He wasn’t sure how he had survived her dare, how he managed not to slip his hands into her pants and slide between the heat of her wet folds. He knew it was bad form to break an accord but the moment he had her writhing and moaning in his lap he had almost forgotten his manners.

The alcohol wasn’t helping either. With dessert came another bottle of rum and Emma seemed eager to continue their previous game of Never Have I Ever. He couldn’t tell if she truly enjoyed the information she gleaned from the game or if it were an excuse not to have to go to bed with him in the room.

“Never have I ever ridden a motorcycle.” She said excitedly as she watched him tip his glass to his mouth and drink.

“I’m fairly certain you’ve set these questions up in order to ensure I end up drunk.” He mused. “You know damn well I ride that bike to work every day, I park next to that awful yellow vessel you captain.”

She grinned, her tongue slipping out of her mouth for a moment and suddenly he felt his pants growing tighter, the woman was driving him mad with that mouth of hers. “Never have I ever died my hair pink.” He smirked.

“That’s cheating, David mentioned that in last week’s meeting.”

“If your motorcycle question wasn’t cheating, neither is this. Now drink, love.”

She tilted the glass back, downing the rest of the liquid in her drink. “Time for truth, answer me this…”

“Are we just making up the rules now?” He laughed.

She sat up on her knees, her pillow in her lap. “Have you ever thought of doing that before?”

“Doing what?” He questioned.

“That, what we did earlier.” She said as her cheeks blushed red.

“Have I ever thought of bringing you to orgasm through your clothes, love?” He responded with a look of pleasure, enjoying the squirm of discomfort it brought her. She nodded uncomfortably. “Just helping a lass out, couldn’t stand to hear you’d never experienced that before.”

“So, you got no enjoyment out of it?”

“Ah, so you want to know if I…”

“Did you, you know…” She pressed on, not making eye contact with him.

“Got off, ejaculate, jizz in my collective pants…”

“Oh my God, stop.” She wheezed anxiously. “I’m just curious, you know if you…”

“Came to completion?” He smirked. “A gentleman never tells.”

“Oh, now you’re a gentleman.” She teased.

“I’m always a gentleman, love.” He stated emphatically, his eyes not leaving hers.

“So, you didn’t?” She asked with an almost pouting frown. “I just thought you might have with the sounds you were…”

“Trust me, if I had you would have known.” He looked down at his lap with a smile.

She bit her lip, sitting up on her knees and he thought that although he managed to hold off before he might just jizz in his pants now. “I dare you to show me…”

“I’m sorry, what? I just did truth, now we’re suddenly doing dare?” It was at this moment that he realized that Emma Swan was bloody perfect and was going to be the death of him before the end of the evening.

“That’s because you wouldn’t do it anyway.” She said with a shrug of her shoulders.

“You intend me to show you what exactly?”

“You know…” She asked shyly, covering her face with her hands.

“Are you asking to see my dick, love? You seem to have trouble tonight using your words, Swan?” This evening was shaping up to be quite the surprise, but he was going to make her work for it.

“I want to see how you…you know, get off.”

“Bloody hell.” He swore, shifting immediately in his seat. “Who are you and what have you done with Emma Swan?”

She sat back on the bed and bit her lip. “You watched me get off, I’m just curious, because I kinda thought you did too but if you didn’t, then that’s really not fair is it?”

“Fair?” He scoffed. “Suddenly there’s fair in truth or dare?”

“You got to see me in that state, in order to lower the playing field, I think it’s only right.”

“Lower the playing field?”

“I mean we work together and now anytime I see you I’m going to know that you watched me…you know, and I think it might be better if at least I could say the same.”

“You kept your bloody clothes on, I’m hardly seeing how watching me…”

“I didn’t say I thought you’d actually do it.” She said sharply.

“Is that so?”

She nodded slowly and he stood defiantly, pulling his sweats down his hips, and pushing them to the floor in one sweep. His cock stood at attention against his stomach, begging to be touched.

Well, he had bloody done it now, he was either going to end up fired or lose his mind.

“Holy shit…” She whispered from the bed, leaning back against the headboard. He waited for her to scream or yell or say something even remotely angry, like threaten to take him to HR, but instead she simply wet her lips with her tongue and stared at his crotch.

Before he could stop himself, he settled back into his chair, grasping himself in hand as he gave himself a pump. His eyes closed for a moment and his head fell backwards. What the hell was he doing? He opened his eyes again, glancing toward the woman on the bed who seemed entranced with the way his hand moved. His arousal grew as he watched her squeeze her legs together, her fingers white as she gripped the sheets beside her. He could only imagine what her fingers could do to him.

He stroked himself in a fluid motion, keeping his eyes on the woman in the bed, wishing like hell he could touch her again, to have her touch him. He heard a noise from across the room, a moan he was sure she tried to stifle, and it only seemed to propel him further, increasing the speed of his hand.

“Fuck.” She whispered as he trailed the full length of his erect cock with his fist, pumping quickly as his eyes traveled her body, the thin material of her shirt barely concealing her erect nipples.

“See something you like?” He whispered breathlessly. Her eyes locked with his and the moment they did he felt his entire body tense as ropes of white streamed out across his stomach and chest, eliciting a loud groan. “Fuck, Emma…” His eyes squeezed shut as he fisted himself until his movements slowed, his hand dripping with the sticky substance as he tugged along his shaft waiting for his breathing to return to normal.

When he opened his eyes she was staring at him, blinking silently. “I’m uh, just gonna clean this up.” He stood quickly and entered the bathroom, closing the door shut behind him as he slid down the door toward the floor.

~*~

Emma stared at the closed door, hardly able to breath after what she just witnessed. Killian Jones had just jerked off in front of her. It was the most sobering and intense thing she had ever witnessed. She had been frozen to her spot in the bed, her body aching, the tension inside of her winding up again after her earlier release. She didn’t know how to describe what she had just watched. She couldn’t even believe he had gone through with her request, much less that she actually had the nerve to watch him do it.

It was the hottest thing she had ever seen. But now what?

They just go back to work and pretend they took a trip to Denver, completed their work, and returned home? How was she ever going to sit across from him at the meeting table again without seeing him sitting in that chair, his eyes glued to her body as he pumped himself to completion?

She was screwed.

The door opened and Emma jumped slightly. He walked over to the closet and pulled the extra pillow and blankets down from the shelf, arranging them on the floor across from the bed as if nothing had happened.

“What are you doing?”

“Going to bed.” He shrugged.

“On the floor? I mean, after all that tonight, I think we can manage to share a bed. We’re adults, right?”

“Emma, I wouldn’t want to impose.”

She snorted. “You just gave me the best orgasm of my life, but you don’t want to impose by sleeping next to me in this shitty ass hotel we got forced to share.”

He smirked, “Best orgasm of your life, eh?”

“Just get in the bed, Jones.” She demanded, pulling the covers down on the other side of the bed.

“As you wish.” He bowed before blowing out the candle and climbing onto the mattress. Emma laid on her back, staring up at the dark ceiling. She couldn’t turn off her brain, she had so many thoughts swirling around in there.

“Truth…” She said softly. “What were you thinking about?”

She heard his quiet chuckle before he spoke. “I was thinking about what would have happened if you had still been on my lap.”

She slapped his chest. “I’m serious.”

“So was I.” She felt him roll over onto his side, facing her. “Just imaging what it would have been like without those ridiculously intrusive sweatpants in the way.” Emma swallowed, almost choking on her own spit. “Emma.” He said in a whisper, the heat of his breath only inches from her face. “Truth or dare…”

She felt like she was holding her breath. “Dare…” She replied softly.

She felt his mouth against her neck. “I dare you to kiss me.”

She turned quickly, her lips seeking his in the dark, he met her with a fury as he buried his hand in her hair, a groan escaping his throat.

His tongue pressed against her lips, and she opened her mouth to give him access. His hand lay still on his hip, the other still tangled in her hair, she needed more.

“I Dare you…” She moaned. She felt him chuckle against her lips. “Please touch me…” It was almost a whine, full of desperation and want but it had the impact she was hoping for. He rolled her over onto her back, his mouth still attacking hers until she felt the skim of his teeth against her jaw as he worked his way to her neck.

Emma was positively humming in anticipation when his fingers skimmed her waist, slipping under her t-shirt until she felt flesh against her abdomen, sucking in a breath, she let out a moan she couldn’t suppress. She had never done anything like this before. The entire evening with Killian was out of the realm of “normal Emma Swan behavior”, and yet with Killian, she wanted this, she wanted him, she wanted to feel this insanely powerful freeing feeling that being with him gave her.

His fingers continued to travel upward until she felt them brush the underside of her breast, and she arched toward his hand, pressing herself against his palm. “So needy.” He groaned against her neck.

Needy didn’t describe her desire strongly enough, she wrapped a leg around the back of his thigh, pulling his body against hers as she grinded her hips into his. “Want more.” She said breathily.

“Patience, Swan. I’ll give you what you need.” He promised, his eyes suddenly meeting hers when his fingers finally found her nipple, kneading it against his thumb. The wanton moan escaping her throat loudly.

“Yes…” She sighed. “More.”

He smirked, tugging her shirt up her body and dipping his head to press his lips against her flesh, sucking her pert nipple into his mouth. She mewed softly, her fingertips lightly scraping his scalp as she tugged the dark strands of hair in her hand, pulling him against her body.

His other hand trailed down her body, her flesh on fire everywhere he touched, and the only thing that could stop the burn was more Killian. She felt his fingers playfully dipping under her waistband, the anticipation of his touch growing more desperate.

His fingers dipped between her folds, almost teasing as he slipped inside of her only to immediately withdraw. She groaned in frustration and felt his smirk, the hairs on his jaw scratching against her breast, his fingers plunging inside of her again. Her head was spinning as she arched off the bed. “God yes.”

“I want to hear you sing, my beautiful Swan.” She had no chance to react the moment she felt his breath against her core. Her fingers tightened in his hair, needing to feel him closer. She could feel the spring winding inside of her again, similar to earlier in the evening when he touched her through her sweats, only now it was divine, now he was driving inside of her, his wet tongue licking a stripe against her, her legs tensing as he continued to drive into her.

She could feel herself getting closer, his fingers weren’t enough, she needed more.

“I need to feel you inside me.” She moaned.

He paused his movement, glancing up to meet her eyes before he slid up her body. “Never have I ever wanted a woman so badly in my life.” The kiss was desperate and full of intention and Emma matched the intensity as his tongue invaded her mouth. She dug her feet against the back of his knees, grinding her body against his erection, her hands desperately tugging at the waistbands of his sweatpants.

“Then take these damn things off…” She whined, anxiously tugging at her own to pull them from her body. She hadn’t felt this desperate in years, an urgent need welling as the fire burned inside of her. The clothes flew around the room before they came together again, she could feel his erection at her side, hard and waiting. His mouth was hot on hers as he slid between her legs, and she felt the welcome intrusion press against her center.

“Wait, wait, wait…” She scrambled, pulling away from him. “When were you last with someone?”

He pressed his mouth to her cheek, “It’s been a while love, if you’re nervous about…”

“I haven’t been with someone for months, I mean I’m protected, I take the pill, I just…”

“I’m not usually impulsive, though the situation we are currently in may seem to say otherwise.” She pulled him against her, pressing her mouth to his. “Emma…”

“Dare…”

She felt his smirk against her mouth. “No more need for dare’s, love. Your heart’s desire, Swan. I promise, that’s all I want you to have.” His lips ghosted against hers.

“I need…” She whined, her voice sounding foreign to her, begging for something she couldn’t put into words.

“I’ve got you.” He pressed against her entrance, and she felt him slide between her folds, the tip of his cock sliding inside of her before pulling away. She moaned in frustration before he slid in again, filling her, stretching her, and then leaving her empty once more. He was driving her to oblivion with each tentative thrust.

She nipped at his lip with her teeth, sucking his bottom lip into her mouth, eliciting a groan from his mouth. His thrusts increased, his kiss becoming almost animalistic as his thrusts became harder, driving into her with each plunge. She could feel her walls tighten around him as she met him thrust for thrust as she arched against him, needing the friction the closeness gave to her.

She could feel it building inside of her again, teetering closer as Killian took her to the place she needed to be. “Let go…” His breath was hot against her ear as he drove into her, sending her over the edge as the string inside of her snapped.

“Killian…oh God…yes…” She screamed into the darkness as she heard her name against her ear over and over again in a beautiful whisper.

He rested his forehead against hers, as his breathing came out in shallow breathes. “That was….”

“An interesting development.” She laughed.

“Is interesting good or bad?” He asked as he rolled over onto his side.

“Honestly…”

“We’ve been playing truth’s all night, why would I want you to lie now?”

“I always found you to be kind of annoying.” She said shortly.

“Bloody hell, that’s not exactly…”

“But…” She teased, cutting him off. “Maybe I was just unable to see past your rugged good looks and boyish charm.”

“Swan, it’s bad form to attack a man simply because he’s devastatingly handsome, one might even say dashing, but I would hope that I have proven tonight that I’m no boy.” His lips grazed the corner of her mouth. She couldn’t stop the smile from growing on her face.

“I don’t know, I might need to see some more evidence.” As he pulled her onto his chest, she was sure that neither of them would be getting any sleep tonight.

~*~

Killian showered quickly when he heard the knock on the door. Breakfast was being served to all hotel guests, the power had returned shortly before they woke that morning. He wrapped the towel around his waist and entered the room. Emma smiled from the table, dressed only in one of his t-shirts. “Morning.” She grinned as he sat down across from her.

She pushed his plate toward him and then took a bite of her toast. “Someone’s chipper this morning.” He teased.

“It was all the orgasms.” She whispered seductively with a wink. Grabbing the bottle of rum, he watched as she poured a shot into his glass and slid it toward him. “Never have I ever had sex with the boss’s daughter.” He had no idea what she was talking about but stared at the glass. “Better drink up, you might need the courage to explain yourself when we get home.” She chuckled.

“I’ve never done that, love, I already told you, she was the boss’s wife.”

The phone rang and Killian caught a glimpse of David’s name on the screen before she answered. “Hello, Daddy…”

Shit.

#truth or dare #stacy's fics #emma swan #killian jones #captain swan fics #captain swan au #captain swan modern au #captain swan

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finaledenialist · 4 years

Note

so in one of your asks you said you dont think cas was in love with dean since the beginning and idk its interesting to me because everyone seem to think he was from the start so what is your take on that? idk im just curious haha

ohhh I wanted to make a post about this so thanks for asking!

disclaimer: I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade I just have a different take on this whole thing!!!

So. I see people are like: OMG he was in love ALL THIS TIME SINCE 4x01 and I am like: no.

Was he lost since he laid his hand on Dean in hell? Yes. Was he instantly in love? Nah.

See, Cas in season 4 and 5 is starting to feel. He is conflicted, he is questioning, he doesn’t have ‘people skills’, he is confused by what he feels, he knows there is a ‘profound bond’ between him and Dean and he is rebelling for Dean, because Dean has a point and Cas feels Dean is right and apocalypse and destruction are wrong, and this human is so human and he never had that connection before. Add the sexual innuendos, the eye fucking and the tension between those two and this is what i call ‘classic destiel’. I do have a strong feeling this is partly Jensen’s and Misha’s fault though haha but I am also convinced that the jokes like ‘Cas, get out of my ass!’/’Blow me Cas’ are purely for ‘comedic purposes’ because haha gay so funny (keep in mind it’s still 2008/2009 and things were so different then BUT we still got Endverse which had not only sexual stuff implied but romantic as well - ‘all we have left, Dean and I, is each other, if Dean says it’s time to go in a blaze of glory, so be it’ (I am writing this from memory so these might not have been exact lines but you know what I am talking about).

And then in season 6 and 7 is where things start to get romantic. ‘I watched you rake leaves’, Dean’s blind faith that no, Cas can’t be working with Crowley behind their backs because come on it’s Cas and the whole 6x20 episode is *chief’s kiss* and then season 7 and Cas dies to make things right and Dean keeps his trenchcoat and moves it from every car they have been using that season to always have it with him because part of me always believed you’d come back. OK, but I was meant to be talking mostly about Cas’ point of view. Which takes me back to 7x23 and I’d rather have you, cursed or not. I think these words had a major impact on Cas. Something just clicked. Because he realized that he could say these exact same words to Dean and they still would be true.

And then we got season 8 which was a major shift and it really moved stuff from ‘sexual tension’ to ‘romantic tension’ and it’s still called ‘season fanfiction’ because I wanted to keep them away from you in purgatory and Cas generally not feeling worthy of anything but I think this is when he started to realize that what he feels is not like ‘brotherly friendship’ but something much deeper but he had his issues (I don’t deserve to be saved from purgatory thing) so he kind of kept it buried. But this was when the Real Love really started. But did he admit it to himself? Well I am not in Cas’ head but something must have been on his mind - Naomi had access too his mind and she immediately recognized that there is a certain Feeling that is dangerous and Cas needs to be fucking lobotomized (I still have shivers thinking about it). Did Naomi knew it was love? Idk, but she felt something was going on - that is why she tried to mess things up between Dean and Cas (I only wish he felt the same way ouch my heart....) and Metatron also recognized it, quicker and better (maybe because he spent much more time on earth and was generally a little more powerful and knowing as the scribe of God) and he immediately used Cas’ grace to banish angels from heaven because Cas was feeling love for a human. But did he, himself recognized it as love? Did he admit it to himself? I still have a feeling that no. I still think that his ‘I don’t know’ after Dean’s ‘What broke the connection?’ was honest.

Now let me fast forward to season 12, because this post is getting too long already and while seasons 9-11 had some good episodes and even good destiel scenes I feel this was the time many people - rightly so - were starting to lose faith in canon destiel, starting with Dean not letting Cas stay in the bunker in season 9 and bros acting like they only call Cas when they need him. I repeat - there were still some good episodes, even great ones. And we were shown Cas worried about Dean and being there for him anytime Dean called, there was so much pining but once again let me raise The Question: did Cas know what he was feeling was love? Or was he still confused, not letting himself believe, not being able to name his own feelings and emotions? And this is merely my opinion but this is also time where many people started to be bitter and negative by how writers treated Cas (and other characters in general but I am not gonna dive into that dumpster now, especially the Cas-having-sex-with-a-reaper thing which was awful, but in retrospect is even more awful because if it was Chuck’s writing this seems like some kind of sick attempt to do a conversion therapy and I want to throw up; plus he thought? he was into his boss at gas’n’sip and he thought she was into him and what even was it if not a. bad writing; b. Cas being confused; c. Cas being confused about this bad writing).

So season 12. First of all 12x12, when Cas thought he is gonna die and the infamous line ‘I love you. I love all of you’ happened. I am 100% sure this is when Cas realized. This must have prompted questions for him. Why did I say what I said? He blurted those words out but why like that? Aaaand after some thinking I think he realized why. He must’ve been like ‘oooops’. But then Jack was about to be born and he had to protect Kelly and then he died.

And then he is in the Empty who says - I know who you love, I know what you fear, there is nothing for you out there. She doesn’t know shit, she just has access to Cas’ mind and apparently those were his thoughts, already at that time, he thought there was nothing for him out there (again, his depression issues) BUT THEN CAS, MY SWEET CAS, THIS BAD ASS MOTHERFUCKER says fuck you Empty in one of his best monologues (before 15x18 I’d say it was his best but here we are) and she yeets him out, because HE decided HE is already saved and he doesn’t need a permission and you can preen and you can scream and yell and remind me of my failings but somehow, I'm awake. And I will stay awake and I will keep you awake until we both go insane. I will fight you. Fight you and fight you for... ever. For eternity.

And then Jack dies and he takes the humiliating deal. And now we’re at 15x18 and he says: ‘I have always wondered.... ever since I took that burden.... What my true happiness can even look like... Because the one thing I want is the one thing I can’t have’. SEE THESE WORDS HERE ARE WHY I CAN’T SLEEP AT NIGHT. BECAUSE THEY IMPLY at least to me THAT:

1. He was aware of his feelings, he knew what he felt was love at the time he took the deal. and after that he was like ‘I guess I am immortal now’ because the one thing I want is the one thing I can’t have so nothing else is going to make him truly happy; this also implies that there is only one thing he truly wants and the rest is just not that important, whatever else happens won’t make him happy which is heartbreaking;

2. He knew what he wanted, so this means that at some point he wondered, he imagined, he took his time to picture the ‘thing’ he wanted. Which is life with Dean. Because he is in love. LIKE HE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS, HE REALLY DID AND HE CONCLUDED THAT THIS IS OUT OF HIS REACH (now people argue if that is because he thinks it’s unrequited or because he thinks that something something hunter life-fighting all the time-no attachments lifestyle won’t allow them to have this sort of life - and frankly, knowing that he learned everything, or almost everything about emotions from Dean, who isn’t really good at them, I am not surprised if he is sure that this feeling is one-sided, because maybe he conquered his fears in the Empty the first time around but taking the deal must have made him anxious and Chuck still calls him self-hating so he probably thinks this is one-sided and he is unworthy of love anyway);

3. He tried to imagine different scenarios that would make him happy but eventually it all came down to That One True Scenario, out of his reach, that couldn’t compare with anything else, and he tells Jack - you know about that deal, it’s ok, I don’t see myself becoming happy anytime soon AND IT HURTSSS

so to conclude and tl;dr - I think Cas realized that what he was feeling was love after 12x12 although he felt it before but might have been confused by it. I do not think he was ~in love~ since 4x01. There was tension and there was pining but no. This feeling evolved, it didn’t *just* happen in the barn.

also i am so sorry this took so long but i have thoughts and feelings and can’t form a coherent sentence since november 5th anyway thanks for asking nonny, ily!!!!

#ask #asks #anon #long post #destiel is endgame #cas is in love #everything is beautiful but it hurts #spn 15x18 #spn spec #spn speculation #Anonymous

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aros001 · 3 years

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Going in blind: Watching season 3 for the first time. Random thoughts.

Episode 1: I know in the original series She-Ra was the sister of He-Man so I'm curious how much of that will be carried over to this series. Not saying He-Man has to make an appearance, same as how Batman didn't need to show up in Teen Titans. That was Robin's story, not his, and similarly this is Adora's story, not Adam's. Regardless, it makes sense why Hordak was so annoyed with the baby Adora in Shadow Weaver's flashbacks. To SW, there was something different and special about the baby, but to Hordak, whom seems familiar with the world before Mara separated Etheria from the rest of the universe, including Eternia potentially, Adora is just another "First One" child like he's seen many times before. Special in comparison to those who only know Etheria.

Great clap-back from Catra to Hordak, and not entirely unfounded. It's debatable how much he actually cares about conquering Etheria. He has others leading his forces in his war yet all his focus is on his portal creation.

According to Entrapta, productivity of the Horde is up 400% ever since Catra became Hordak's 2nd in command. I wondering how much of that is Catra's direct doing? Is she genuinely just that good of a commander? Is it because she's properly delegating and Scorpia has been handling most of the load? Or is this just because it's in comparison to Shadow Weaver? Entrapta said Catra's focus on First Ones' tech has been greatly aiding them and SW definitely focused more on magic, which was an aid mostly to herself since everyone else in the Horde seems to fight only with weapons and technology. And most of what she saw of SW while she was Hordak's 2nd was her being obsessed with bringing back Adora rather than fighting the war.

Episode 2: Let's see... Hordak's easily an adult and Entrapta is...[checks google] late twenties, early thirties. Oh good, then let's sail this ship!

But yeah, that was a heck of a backstory for Hordak. This reminds me of a video by a Youtuber named Savage Books comparing the villain Steppenwolf in the theatrical and Snyder Cut versions of Justice League and how, while he still wasn't a great villain, just a small addition made him a much better villain, that being a failure in his past and the desire just to go home. And in this case, Hordak is the much better, or at least way more developed, version of that. One of many clones of Hordak Prime but having a defect that labelled him a failure and had him cast out to Etheria, a "backwards world" as he's called it before. If he can conquer Etheria, perhaps by building a portal that'll bring forward Prime's army, he believes that'll prove to Prime that he is not a failure and that he can return home to rejoin his forces. Just this bit of backstory adds SO MUCH to Hordak, including new insights on his past interactions, and keeps him from being a flat character like theatrical version Steppenwolf. His lack of tolerance for failure makes sense when he himself is trying to prove that he's not. It gives him compelling motivation to want to conquer Etheria beyond just power and greed. Not motivation you're meant to agree with but one you can still understand.

I like the story with Huntara too. It's a nice little tie-in to something Adora was talking about with Glimmer and Bow last episode. Adora defected from the horde, not because she was different but rather very much in spite being very much like every other soldier there. She wanted to believe Shadow Weaver may have at least some goodness in her too and now we have Huntara as a fellow defector who realized the evils of the Horde, even if she chose to stay out of the war entirely after.

Episode 3: I legit thought Catra stabbed the goat lady for a second.

After Scorpia asking her why don't they just stay in the wastes I'm seeing a bit of a parallel between Catra and Hordak. They've both found a place where they can be the top dog, where they can do and have basically anything they want; her with the wastes and him with the Horde. They can be happy. ...But there's still this pull they're feeling to somewhere else. Catra back to the Horde and Hordak back to Prime. Because they feel they have to prove something; prove that they're not failures. They could be happy but they can't let go.

And that scene between Adora and Catra at the end. That was such a great line read from Catra's actor. "She left me for you. Everything that's happened is because of you." I got chills.

Minor note: While I'm only judging off the Mara hologram, which didn't have color, I do think the She-Ra outfit looks better with pants than shorts like Adora's She-Ra form. I think it makes it look sleeker, if that makes any sense.

Episode 4: Catra's spiral has turned into a drill and its taking her down as far as she can go. Though something I had to a laugh a little at myself over was that my biggest "Catra, no!" reaction wasn't to her wanting to open the portal but rather when she lied to Hordak and said Entrapta let the princesses in. She was actually a positive influence on Hordak's life and Catra with one move just destroyed that relationship and all progress Hordak had been making.

I'm guessing there's going to be some kind of long-term effect from Shadow Weaver continuously siphoning off Glimmer's magic. The woman is basically a parasite and the magic she uses is very different from the kind Glimmer does. I can't believe it never occurred to me that since Shadow Weaver trained Glimmer's father there might be a connection there between the two of them later in the story. While we don't know about anything that might've happened after she left, SW clearly had enough affection for Micah still to not kill him. I could see her trying to take Glimmer on as a student later like she did him.

Episode 5: There is something kind of hilarious about it being Scorpia's jealousy of Catra and Adora's closeness that causes her to be the first one after Adora to pick up that something is off.

11 is my favorite of the Doctor Who Doctors so naturally I'm comparing all this to the crack in Amy Pond's bedroom wall. Whatever goes in gets forgotten about and basically never existed. Though does that mean Bright Moon isn't going to remember the Horde? Basically that entire place got sucked up in the collapsing reality. There shouldn't be at war anymore because their enemy literally no longer exists.

Adora and Catra had their own little Star Trek 3 moment there.

Adora: "If we don't help each other, we'll die here!"

Catra: "Perfect! Then that's the way it shall be!"

Catra's just so far down her spiral she doesn't even care about getting her own win, just so long as Adora doesn't get one, despite just minutes ago clearly loving having Adora back in her life and on her side, to the point was trying to resist remembering the old reality. Her "perfect" world was them together again but when given the chance (another of many. I love those cuts to their past woven in there) she slapped the hand away.

I'm sure I'm wrong but I'm starting to theorize Madam Razz is actually Mara and just at some point went kind of crazy and started thinking as and Mara were two different people.

Episode 6:

"You are everything I ever wanted in a son. This... This is everything I ever wanted in a life. ...But I've got responsibilities, Van. And...I have to...go now."

-Superman, Justice League Unlimited: For the Man Who Has Everything

That was my favorite episode of JLU, where Superman is trapped in this world that isn't real but still perfect in every way, and the only way out was to give up everything he'd ever wanted, including a son he remembers watching grow up, even if it never really happened. With a similar premise, this definitely helped elevate Angela up a bit for me, whom I was kind just meh with before. I didn't dislike her but I didn't really care much for her either. This episode gave her a lot to work with though, with the heavy sacrifice she made. Not just saying behind to pull out the sword but just simply forcing herself to accept her husband is gone and not coming back. I was right that they wouldn't remember the Horde, but I definitely didn't think of the full effects of them never existing. They never exist, Bow never becomes a rebel instead of a scholar like his dads wanted. They don't exist, Micah never dies in battle against them. Glimmer gets to grow up with her father in her life. Everyone, most especially Angela, has to reject everything they would love to be real in favor of what actually is.

I'm guessing we're going to have Shadow Weaver taking advantage of this situation, trying to act like a teacher and mother-figure to Glimmer now that she's basically a orphan.

I talked before about how Catra and Hordak seem to have a parallel between them, especially regarding failure. Catra seems like she has a very hard time accepting her own failures and mistakes and thus why she more or less uses Adora as a mental scapegoat for all of it. Nothing is ever really her fault, it's Adora's, or Shadow Weaver's, or Hordak's. It makes for a great moment when Adora finally punches back, both literally and figuratively. She's not going to accept responsibility for Catra's actions anymore. She gave Catra every chance to make the right choice and she didn't, so now she has to finally live with the consequences. Heck of a glare She-Ra gave Catra at the end. Very much a "If I ever see you again..." and it certainly scared Catra, at least for a moment.

Now, someone go save Entrapta from Beast Island!

Season 3 verdict: Easily the best season thus far. I know this was technically the second half of season 2 but even in comparison to the full season 1 there was just so much that happened in this, so much that got revealed, and so, so many moments of emotion or tension. Weirdly I feel kind of disappointed that Hordak Prime is probably going to come in now and be the new big villain. I really like our Hordak's motivation and Prime seems like he might just be the generic conqueror for power that Hordak seemed like he was going to be at first. Not saying those types can't work. I love All For One from My Hero Academia and Frieza from Dragon Ball. Those guys are pure evil and selfishness, but they also have a captivating presence/charisma to them.

Naturally, since I bring her up the most out of all the characters, I'm very curious to see what happens with Catra now. She's basically nuked every positive relationship she had with anyone. Entrapta's gone, she threatened Scorpia, Hordak's not going to trust anyone including her anymore now that he thinks Entrapta's betrayed him, and Adora firmly sees her as an enemy. She has no one (those under her direct command don't count) and it's entirely her own fault.

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/PrincessesOfPower/comments/o0trfz/going_in_blind_watching_season_3_for_the_first/

#she ra #she ra spop #random thoughts #reddit repost

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galaxy98 · 4 years

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Trial of the Mariner

AKA SkekSa’s redemption AU

Well, here it is guys. This is something that’s been on the back of my mind for some time now. As you may have guess, I like SkekSa as a character. When you look at each Skeksis in the franchise, she tends to stand out from the rest of them. Now I haven’t read the JM Lee novels, but thanks to the help of others in the fandom, I was able to get good idea of what happened to her in the book. In Flames, she ended up getting stuck in the tree due to the actions she committed in Sog. When I heard about this, I thought to myself, “Wait, that’s it?”, because it apparently happened within of the middle of the story. Given the time frame of the book being released around the premiere of the Netflix show, Age Of Resistance, I imagined that they have to wrap it up quickly. Now why am I telling you all this? Well it turns out that the first season almost used up the key elements that were from the books: death of the Archer/Hunter, Battle of Stonewood, uniting of the 7 clans, etc. As of now, the Mariner recently appeared in AOR #9 as a part Mayrin’s comic arc and since we don’t have any news regarding season 2, I wonder if they’re gonna do something different for SkekSa’s arc in the show. Case in point, extending her arc post-tree. A character like her has the potential for a great anti-villain to hero story. So I decided to take this opportunity to let creative juices flow and create a redemption AU for her.

Just a quick note, artists and fanfic writers are welcome to make fan content off this idea. In fact, it’s encouraged. You’re even free to add to this post. Personally, I would love to see @darkskek ‘s interpretation of this. With all of that out of the way, here are the key points for Trial of the Mariner.

SkekGra and UrGoh woke up one night from a vision that was bothering them. They couldn’t make out what it was, but it prompted them to go to the tree in Sog. However, they had to go now when it was still dark since they don’t want to be seen, at least not yet. When they arrive to the tree, SkekGra realised what the vision was trying to tell him. Someone is stuck in there and they need to get her out before it’s too late. With the help of Lore, they managed to cut open the tree only to find a Skeksis. A Skeksis that the Heretic had never seen in a long time. This leaves him in such a shock, his screaming almost woke up the Drenchen. Because of this, they needed to leave fast and take her back to the Circle of the Suns. The Heretic has so many questions to ask her when she recovers.

Many trine ago, SkekGra used to be friends with the Mariner. This happened around the time of his conquering days. Even though she never actively participated in his conquests, SkekGra always told stories to her when he came back to the castle. These stories intrigued her not because of the bloodshed, but because of the lands that were discovered. SkekSa always wanted check them out but couldn’t due to the obligations she has to the court. Oddly enough, SkekSa left around the time when the visions were starting to bother the Heretic. At that point, SkekGra would never see her again. Even when the Mariner goes back for some occasions, she seems to be the only one to notice that he was gone. Nobody in the court would give her an answer. In fact, they wouldn’t even acknowledge his absence. For so long, she had to live ignorance about his disappearance and only came to the conclusion that his conquering antics are what got him killed. Until now.

When the Mariner woke up, she’s shocked to find herself in a different place. She thought she was about to die. She wanted to die. And having to live after everything she’s done to herself and the Gelfling, there was no reason to keep going. The Heretic on the other hand, was excited to see that she was okay. So excited, he was hurting SkekSa by his hugging. SkekSa could never figure out who he was until she took a closer look at his face. She too had many questions. Feeling weak and depressed, she explained to him about the things she was doing when she left the castle. Even the events that led to the Sog incident. SkekGra felt conflicted. All of this could’ve been prevented if they both communicated with each other. It even made him doubt his chances of revealing himself to the Gelfling. To SkekSa, whatever happened to SkekGra couldn’t be worse than what she went through. However, when he told SkekSa his story, her heart sank. How many lies were kept from her for all this trine and how many can she take before it overwhelms her? She wanted leave after that, but she couldn’t because of her injuries. This causes her to have an emotional breakdown. By this point, she had to make the best of her situation.

At this point, SkekSa’s emotional well being is already at an all time low.

While politics play a part on why she left the castle, there were other reasons why never wanted to go back to Thra. SkekSa saw the castle as her “prison.” She always felt unease when she had to be there for political purposes. Another reason is more to do with SkekSo himself. She’s one of the very few to ever get close him and she knows what kind of Skeksis he is. SkekSo will stop at nothing to get what he wants. Next reason is more of a personal one and it’s more to due with the fact that she felt like she’ll never have a future in Thra. The last reason why she left is, coincidentally, she too had a vision. But it wasn’t the same vision that the Heretic had. In SkekSa’s vision, she sees nothing but the ocean and the waves that go back and forth across the sand. Whatever the vision was trying to tell her, she knew that it was time to leave. What’s odd is that the vision return to her when she was in the tree, except the difference is that the ocean was still and there were no waves to be seen. It felt very ominous as if the vision she previously saw was a nothing more than a facade. When she told SkekGra about this, it left him and UrGoh with only one option. They, along with Rek’yr, have to go to the Wellspring to consult with an elder Shaman.

Right now, this is only part 1 of the AU. As I said back at the top, feel free to add to this by reblogging the post. I would love to see what you guys bring to the table as I work on part 2.

Stay tune everyone.

#the dark crystal #the dark crytsal: age of resistance #tdc:aor #skeksa

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a-mandala-rose · 4 years

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You Spin Me Right Round...

I’ve never written a meta post about an episode before, so with only three episodes left, I figured this is the perfect time to start. It typically takes me a few days to process and gather my thoughts, because much like Dean this season, I’m rather slow on the uptake. By the time I have something to say, it usually feels like the moment has passed. But what the hell. We’re three episodes from the end and I have FEELINGS.

To start, I’m going to back up a moment and talk about 15X16 (see “slow on the uptake,” above). Lots of fans, myself included, found themselves frustrated with watching what at first glance seems to be your run of the mill MOTW episode. A *good* MOTW, for sure, but still, with only four episodes left to go, it felt like we should be past this by now. In fact, “aren’t we past this?” seemed to be the theme of the entire episode and that alone should have clued us in that despite appearances, this episode was anything but just another MOTW. If that was too subtle, Billie’s pointed “you’re working a case? Now?” should have been a dead give away that we needed to look deeper. And many tried, but the most a lot of us could come up with was the brothers’ big emotional argument at the end and even that was a giant moment of “been there, done that.” Why at what should be a pivotal point in the series are we rehashing the same arguments we’ve been watching for the past 15 years?

Jumping ahead to 15X17 for a moment, we see Dean absolutely breaking down. He’s losing it. Imploding. Leaving aside all of the problematic comments about and to Jack (we’ll come back to that), Dean lays out the crux of the problem when he and Jack are talking in the Impala: he doesn’t know what’s real. Like he’s been saying all season, he’s lost the perspective to be able to tell what about his life has been his choice and what has been Chuck’s machinations. He’s stuck in Chuck’s hamster wheel. Going ‘round and ‘round. Repeating the same scenes, lines, hunts, and arguments on a loop. Wait…why does that ring a bell?

Back to 15X16 and NOW it makes sense. Why are we stuck in yet another MOTW episode? Why is Dean lying to Sam again? Why is he once again sacrificing someone he loves, leading them “into the meat grinder?” Why is he backsliding on all that great emotional growth we saw last season? Why is he repeating the same destructive patterns that thanks to Kaitlyn, we know he’s been stuck in since childhood? IT’S THE HAMSTER WHEEL. Round and round we go…but whose hamster wheel is it?

Back to 15X17, LOTS going on in this episode and I’m not going to touch on all of it. But some highlights [and these are in no particular order because 1) I’m scatterbrained as hell and 2) the fuck does it matter anyways, because as we’ve established, we’re just going around in a big ass circle here]:

We see some absolutely masterful manipulation by Chuck. Manipulating Dean in order to manipulate Amara because he knows thanks to their “bond,” she’ll never turn on Dean…unless he betrays her first…which brings us to two of the biggest points in this episode. First off, we learn that Chuck didn’t write the Dean/Amara bond, which, as many more brilliant meta minds have pointed out before me, mirrors Dean and Cas’ profound bond, which we learn at the end of the episode was also NOT written by Chuck (and in fact pisses him off quite a bit, to put it mildly.) This reminds us that though he claims to be omniscient, Chuck is definitely NOT omnipotent and while he may be able to control space and time, one thing he can’t control is human emotional bonds and relationships. And this friends, this is important. In fact, it’s everything.

Right before Chuck confesses that Castiel is, as Cas fans have long insisted, the very embodiment of free will (more on that later), Sam references Eileen, which, yes, is very sweet, but also...also, is a call back to their relationship, specifically, to Eileen’s fears that her feelings for Sam weren’t genuine. She wonders what about her and Sam’s relationship was real and what was Chuck, which we knew at the time was a mirror to Dean’s “What about all this is real?” The answer, of course? “We are.” And now we have confirmation: emotional bonds/relationships are REAL. They might be manipulated by Chuck, but they aren’t created by him and clearly, he can’t understand them. That’s illustrated several times in this episode. His reaction to Dean’s “icky” bond with Amara. His inability to "feel the love" of the angels she took him to see. His cold manipulation of his sister. The throwback to the way he threw Adam and Eve, his first human children, out of the Garden and then used their sons to further his own plans. His consternation with Castiel for not doing as he was told after he raised Dean from perdition.

Chuck doesn’t understand and didn’t create emotions. Which seems obvious wen you think about the fact that his first sentient children didn’t have them. Emotions are a specifically HUMAN creation and that is what makes humans so frustrating and incomprehensible to Chuck. It’s why he hates them. Not only are a few of them very disobedient pets, as a whole they've created something he cannot. What a blow to the ego that must be.

The second thing referenced by Amara and Chuck’s conversations about Dean is his betrayal of her. Chuck’s telling Amara that Dean is sending her to the “meat grinder” is not a coincidence. That language is a deliberate mirror to Dean accusing his alternate future self of sending Cas to the meat grinder in The End (That’s only one of several parallels Unity makes with The End. For a much more thorough accounting, check out castielslostwings’ Twitter thread.), which, as I referenced above, also parallels Dean’s willingness to send Jack on a suicide mission. What do these things all have in common? Each time, Dean is ignoring his own instincts, his own “moral compass,” in favor of a plan. In The End, he regrets his choice to say no to Michael…to veer from Michael’s, aka God’s, aka Chuck’s plan and is trying to recreate it by killing Lucifer/Sam. Now he’s following Billie’s plan, even though it clearly feels wrong to him. We can see that in the way he tries to distance himself from Jack. The way he tries to convince himself that Jack isn’t family. That he’s different from Sam and from Cas, even though he’s told Jack before that he IS family. Even though when he was angriest with Jack and distraught with grief over Mary, he still told Belphegor that Jack was “our kid.” We can see it too in the way he reacts equally defensively when Sam brings up how they’re about to betray Amara in 15X15 and again in 15X17 when we can see Dean flinch when she tells him they’ll always help one another. This feels wrong to him, but he’s doing it anyways because he thinks he has no choice.

Looking back over seasons’ past, the two ever-present themes in Supernatural have been free will (obviously) and found family. They’ve always been intertwined. We’ve watched time and time again as Sam, Dean, and Cas choose one another. But now we have those two themes coalescing more than ever before. Every time any of them chooses “the plan” over their family, shit goes sideways. And now we know it’s because, as Chuck has made pretty damn clear in his manipulation of Billie’s plan, he’s omniscient and he controls all time and space. All plans are HIS plan.

But what doesn’t he control? Emotions. And the bonds they create between people. It’s in choosing one another that Team Free Will has always thwarted Chuck’s plan. Dean refusing to go down the path laid out for him in The End. Cas refusing to "hurt Dean Winchester." Sam refusing to reap MoC Dean. Dean refusing to shoot Jack in that cemetery. The boys refusing to hurt one another, again and again and again. The boys choosing one another again and again and again. And I think that's what Chuck really wants to break. Why he's so obsessed with getting his ending. This is what Becky was getting at in her critique of his story. Chuck doesn't understand his characters, because he doesn’t understand feelings. He hates this creation of humanity that has become more important to them and more defining of them than anything else, including him. So, he wants to conquer it. He wants to manipulate the situation to make his characters choose something of his divining over their emotional bonds to one another. Those bonds he didn't create and that he, in all of his omniscience and power, cannot sever.

15X17 confirms that free will is real. Cas chose to disobey. That wasn’t written by Chuck. And speaking of Cas, let’s look at our biggest two parallels of the season: Dean and Cas. (Sorry Sam. Sit this one out.) Cas, who Chuck has just identified as the epitome of free will. Cas who, once a mindless soldier, abandoned heaven’s plan. Who found his new purpose when he chose to become a father. Who follows his instincts over the plan because “something went wrong” and “the plan changed.” Versus Dean. Dean who has spent this entire season feeling trapped. Who keeps choosing “the plan” over his family and finds his cage getting smaller by the minute.

Back to 15X16. I asked before whose hamster wheel is Dean on? Dean says it’s Chuck’s, but that assumed that free will was a lie. Now we know it’s not. Free will is real and Chuck never even had to take it away from Dean. Dean gave it up as soon as he started following someone else’s plan instead of his own. Dean’s hamster wheel is of his own making.

There are so many more things I could say about 15X17. For starters, those chapter titles…are they referencing Chuck’s story? Or are they chapters in his death book, the one we saw in this episode and Chuck himself referenced? After all, Billie’s read that book, so she must have known “her” plan would fail. But she went down that path anyways…And speaking of Billie, I haven’t even touched on her or the Empty. The Empty says Billie wants “everything back where it belongs” with angels in heaven and demons in hell. Wait. That sounds familiar. Oh yes! My new favorite demon, Zack, said that in our other most recent “just a MOTW” episode. It seems Rowena wants something similar. Isn’t that interesting? And speaking of Rowena, if there’s one thing this show loves, it’s duality. Parallels. They’re everywhere…except, it seems, when it comes to the queen of Hell. Who will mirror Rowena? How interesting that we visited that empty throne room in Heaven last week…

BUT…the main thing here is this: Unity. This episode was about unity and now we have a unified Chuck and Amara. We’re going to need a unified TFW in order to defeat them. Because that is the key to defeating Chuck. Choosing one another…choosing our found family, the ones we’ve created those bonds with…again and again and again.

#supernatural #meta #Mandaladoesmeta #Season 15 #spn 15X16 #spn 15X17

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sunshine-in-a-bottle · 4 years

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I'm watching Beast Wars again for no reason and so you all have to hear me talk about it.

If I was personally given Rights I would first use them to erase Cheetors weird crush on Blackarachnia because it literally adds nothing to the plot or the characters. Instead I'd take full advantage of my personal headcanon and make Cheetor desperately want a big sister because I am always a slut for Found Family. Like, that scene with Una ?"Aw, she wants to be you!" Like c'mon viewing him reaching out to Blackarachnia because he desperately wants some semblance of a relationship is a lot more wholesome when it isn't romantically coded. Cheetor is Lonely, so horribly lonely, and so young seeming in comparison to the rest of the cast. He hasn't lost that love for the stars or spiraled into cynicism just yet, and I would much rather explore the ways he tries to reach out to his bitter, jaded teammates. And maybe he's left wanting, maybe he gets tired of being lonely, and maybe he fucks up trying to be like them because "he tried to prove himself." And maybe that scene where Optimus, Silverbolt, and Rattrap reach out to him has a little more weight because it isn’t just Cheetor trying to be an adult, but a Cheetor that tried to be them and post Feral Cheetor has real fucking consequences and isn't just a cool upgrade.

I want that episode where Rattrap finds out they spat on Dinobot’s memory by making him into a "dishonorable" clone and goes ballistic. I want him to find the memories Dinobot stowed away and be conflicted. Is it Dinobot without the spark? Could he live with only a shade? Would Dinobot even want that? I want him to try and fail and be utterly distraught over the whole damn thing. I want him to be angry every time he sees Dinobot 2. I want Rhinox to try and fail to comfort him. I want Cheetor to sit with him, neither speaking but both knowing they're in this fucked up mess together now. CONSEQUENCES. WHERE ARE THEY. GIVE THEM TO ME.

I also just really want Blackarachnia to have closer bonds with the team??? Idk, I'm vibin well enough with her and Silverbolt but tbh I'd really just like her to have an episode where she's hanging out with someone else and Isn’t A Complete Rude Person. I think that's something I actually really vibed with in Beast Machines (although my memory there is still pretty fuzzy, I'll probably have to rewatch that to say for sure) Blackarachnia could actually work with the team in a friendly and occasionally sweet way. She was capable of a blunt and angry sort of kindness. Should that happen right away? Nah of course not, she needs to get comfy with her shiny new Dumbfuck Teammates. But there’s no real Solid Connections there other than Silverbolt, which is purely romantic. (Once again I emphasize Cheetor and Found Family)

Rhinox just needs more in general. If I had to guess the reason he was made a villain in beast machines was because he is only Meh as a Developed character after Blackarachnia shows up and takes over tech wise, not to mention rattrap is also pretty damn techy when he wants to be.(it was also probably to increase tension since his whole deal is being diplomatic but that's a separate thing) Sort of an issue when you make them scientists but don't have them specialize in anything and, more importantly, have a weakness in anything. If your character is simply the backup scientist when the other one is out of commission u gotta problem. Rhinox is stagnant personality wise, I can’t honestly say anything about him changes in the whole series. He has functionally gained nothing from this perilous journey, no real trauma, no bonds he didn't already have with the team, not even an upgrade in form. Isn’t rattrap supposed to be his best friend???? SHOW ME MORE THEN. Seriously if this show had let me have Rights I’m not saying I wouldn’t have loved if we had actually Really Dug In to a character arc or something about Rattrap and the concept of Honor vs Loyalty but that’s exactly what I’m saying lets talk about that. Season One Rattrap they played with this a little (After the whole early on “I would not send someone to do something I would not do myself” and “double agent rattrap” WHICH NO ONE WOULD EVER BELIEVE IF THAT HAPPENED ANY LATER THAN IT DID SINCE RATTRAP IS SO ANTIPRED) and the whole Dinobot thing really wedged it in (”But at least you know where he stands”) AND THEN FROM MY SHODDY MEMORIES OF BEAST MACHINES ITS PLAYED WITH EVEN MORE WHEN HE FUCKING GOES TO MEGATRON BECAUSE EVERYONE WAS BEING A LITTLE BITCH TO HIM

Where was I going with this? uhhhhhhhhhhhhh oh yeah LISTEN Rattrap and his morals are Very Fascinating and I really wished there was more about that. Like, he gives no shits about Doing What’s Right or Being A Good Person, but he rewards friendship and loyalty and not getting him killed by miles. And despite his Hatefest Dinobot he was actually really... shocked? Offended??? about Dinobot handing over the disc because you’re an asshole but you’re also our asshole what fuckery is this did all our arguments mean nothing to you. And then attempting to join Megatron in BM because he might be Evil and it might be Bad Moral Conduct but fuck morals his teammates were being shitty friends. Is that petty of him? Maybe, but if the maximals had been evil but still genuinely kind and caring towards Rattrap I don’t believe he would ever leave for a second, not for all the Morals or Its The Right Thing To Do in the world. And that’s why darkfics that still use Found Family are the best! The End.

All the characters would actually be the size of their animals because goddamit I want a tiny Rattrap that has to be carried around by the others while he screeches indignantly. Or at the very least make him just a little smaller. Just a bit. And maybe they all have a big Sleep Pile. I like physical affection and cuddling and things no I don't care if they're robots no I don’t take criticism. Dinobot would have feathers fight me.

Optimus has died, been tortured, and painfully grew to like 3 times his size why doesn’t he have ptsd someone give him a hug.

Could we have waited for Airrazor and Tigatron to get kidnapped???? We should have gotten more for them. Let me see them more often. LISTEN THEY’RE VERY CUTE I LOVE THEM SHUT UP.

WHICH LMAO BRINGS ME RIGHT BACK TO CHEETOR BECAUSE HE CONSIDERED AIRRAZOR AND TIGATRON HIS BROTHER AND SISTER AND HE THINKS THEYRE GONE FOREVER AND THEN ITS NEVER REALLY BROUGHT UP AGAIN LIKE CHEETOR AND FOUND FAMILY REALLY SHOULD BE EXPLORED HERE

Silverbolt is fun, but suffers from the same problem as Blackarachnia where all you really remember about them Relationship wise is the one they have with each other. Who does Silverbolt like best among the maximals, who does he like the least? And if I'm erasing that weird Cheetor crush thing then their interactions probably have a lot less tension so... what else do they have.

Depth Charge is an unrepentant asshole and I love him. He is so hostile but it doesn’t stop him from begrudgingly helping out on occasion. He also gave Optimus some backstory??? Like not as much as my greedy Character Loving hands would have wanted but GIVE ME.

Other Stuff:

Nothing will ever be as funny as Optimus being like “Evacuate the base you’re all gonna die” and Rhinox grabbing his fucking plant

Blackarachnia Craves Power

Cheetor suffer from Bad Bondage multiple times throughout the series, but specifically during the web I remember Tarantulas leaning over him and thinking “wow this is kind of... date gone wrong vibes??? What the fuck”

Rattrap and Dinobot: *Spot each other from any distance* Miracle Hatemance has entered the chat

Why is Megatron wearing roller skates. Who did this. Why.

“Spider/Bird dog is hetero nonsense” - everyone who has to bear witness to them ever, including me the viewer

Tarantulas is completely done with any attempts to seduce him. Ever.

Airrazor tries so hard to be cool and hip oh my god she is a complete dork i love her

“FOR THE ROYALTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY”

please be nice to Waspinator he’s trying his best

Rhinox: exists

Me: hello yes sir I love u wise mentor sir

Holy shit Dinobot’s death scene is a gut punch. Rattrap honestly is what makes this scene perfect. I have never seen him so respectful or emotional is a way that wasn’t meant for comedic relief.

That scene, man

Tigatron’s speech about bringing beast mode and robot mode together is like foreshadowing to beast machines. Or it isn’t. Idk. Would have been really nice if they, yknow,

bothered to bring up literally anything from the previous series to beast machines

(yes its been awhile since I’ve seen Beast Machines, but I do remember that being my primary complaint.)

This series is so cheesy but Thundercats is still cheesier so its fine

Rattrap was canonically a miner at some point apparently.

He’s also super prejudiced and honestly that’s interesting. HONESTLY SOMETHING I WOULD HAVE LOVED TO SEE DISCUSSED IN BEAST MACHINES IS THE SUPER MEGA DIVIDE IN PREDS AND MAXIMALS BUT I GUESS WE WEREN’T GETTING THAT OH WELL

The ‘Everyone is blind’ episode was always one of my favorites and it never gets old

Upon rewatching the series I have concluded Cheetor is Babey. Which is weird because I didn’t think much of him from what I remember. Shift in perspective I suppose. They really made Rhinox farting the thing that saves the day, huh. What even was season one.

BITCH THAT IS A TERRIBLE WAY TO TRANSPORT MEGATRON NO WONDER HE FUCKING CONQUERED CYBERTRON Y’ALL DESERVED THIS HONESTLY

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh in conclusion:

Rattrap is my new religion apparently

#Beast Wars #listen listen listen #i have a lot of feelings #honestly I doubt this will be my actual conclusion im sure ill post this and instantly remembered something else to talk about #Look I have seen very little of the transformers honestly #I watched gen1 as a kid and beast wars and beast machine #and thats it #if you dont count a couple comics I have stashed in a drawer somewhere #i do not count them #I tried to read this over again #realized i dont know how formatting works #and have decided to just post it anyway so have fun with that

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myjunkisyuzuruhanyu · 4 years

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[ICE JEWELS VOL. 12 SPECIAL INTERVIEW - YUZURU HANYU

Translation by Juro (juroscorner.blogspot.com)

Please click on the link in the reblog to read the full interview (I put left out parts in brackets [...]) and the Yuzuru related part from Satomi Ito’s interview about her costumes! (Tumblr is acting up with a direct link in the post)

Towards a “me” who surpasses myself

The World Championship (“WC”) was cancelled, drawing the 2019-20 season to a sudden conclusion. This season, he won a title that he hasn't conquered before. The victory at 4 Continents Championship (“4CC”) established Hanyu Yuzuru’s Super Slam as he entered glorious records and memories. His reflection on this season and resolution towards the upcoming season is told as follows.

On the victory at the 4CC

Do you think of the victory at 4CC as a special memory? - I really did win that competition, so I was happy. The last titles to obtain would probably be World Champion or Olympic Champion, but in this season, so far I’ve fulfilled tasks like winning competitions (which I haven’t won until then) like Skate Canada. Rather than any competition, this very one (4CC), is where I competed and won a silver medal at 16, but from then on, I couldn’t win it for a while. It’s good that I can finally win it. We heard that after Japan National, there was a period when you couldn’t get back on your feet. How did you spend that period? Was there any specific feeling? Then, how did you recover? Please let us know some details. - I went through 3 consecutive competitions. (After JN), for I while I thought that Ahh, I’m quite tired out. I’ve been living placing pressure on myself and there was no time to recharge both my physical strength and emotion, so I let myself do whatever I felt like doing. I didn’t really pay attention to anything, so I don’t remember (what I did) clearly…

Just for now, “SEIMEI” and “Ballade no. 1”

[....about change of programs...]

You gave us a brilliant performance of “Ballade no. 1” at 4CC. It’s been previously said that you skated in absolute harmony with the pianist or as if you became the sound of the keyboard. What was your feeling this time? - This time, it seemed like my body’s movement synchronized with the music playing in my head. Every single sound and melody thoroughly soaked into my body, and I let my body be in charge of the performance. Although I was nervous when doing jumps or difficult parts and there were plenty of matters to focus on, I left more than 80% of myself in the program to the music’s guidance rather than my consciousness. About the FP, what did you have to be cautious about when editing the music, to avoid destroying the world of “SEIMEI” now that the music needs to be 30s shorter? - I found it compelling not to spoil the flow of the music or the program, so I avoided omitting any iconic part. There were parts where the tempo was quickened in the interest of time. However, even when the tempo was faster, for me, there was a certain meaning in skating [“SEIMEI”], and I had to be careful not to let the unique rhythm of my own fall apart. If the rhythm was changed too much, the true meaning of skating this program would be substantially different. Do you have any intention with SEIMEI’s new layout? To be specific, in the first 1 minute, you include 4 jumps. There was no run-up in between, only a mere turn from 3A to 3F. Please let us know how you came to engendering such a layout, something that can’t be done by anyone but Hanyu Yuzuru. - Firstly, I wanted to cherish the music cuts which make up the program as much as possible. Then, there was editing to do. I didn’t want to change the flow of the first half, so the solution was to have 3 jumps with [1.1x] bonus in the 2nd half, I must find some way to insert one more jump in the 1st half, and I came up with placing 3F there. It could be either 3Lo or 3F, but I chose 3F since it did not to disrupt the music and rhythm. I showed Shae [my idea] right after she finished shaping the whole program, but she was also pleased by it, so we went with that layout.

Is there any experience from skating “Otonal” and “Origin” that you can utilize? - “Otonal” is a piano piece but there’s also an orchestra. With the piano’s sound as the core, I was trying to express the completion of the music, and [skate] while gathering picking up various shades of music. When skating “Ballade no. 1”, because I have [experienced] expressing an orchestra, I’ve come to feel the purity and transparent quality of the piano’s echo, and the expansion of sound even more deeply. I skated “Origin” while channeling the power surging up from deep inside and I always performed it taking my own self as a (candle’s) wick. Throughout the performance, that energy became the nuclear*. In “SEIMEI”, even when receiving those energy and power, it’s important to adjust so everything is kept under control. Rather than letting the overflowing energy run loose, I want to embody floaty, airy image and philosophical insights, even with my feet on the ground.

On this season’s achievements and next season’s goals You adopted the strategy of changing jump layouts according to the competition. You also competed in the GPS, GPF, and JN. What did you achieve? - I think not getting injured is my biggest achievement.When I forcefully try to push myself from poor to peak condition, my body can’t catch up. I went through a long time with no serenity even in my heart, but this season, I think I was able to adjust well. Would you let us know how your training, for injury prevention and such, is coming along? - I think I know the where within myself the “line” (limit) at which I should stop pushing ahead is. However, I’m aware that if I can’t overcome that boundary, I can’t improve, so I think cautiously about the days when I can push beyond the limit and days when I shouldn’t.

The WC was cancelled, but how was the result of your training after 4CC, and how that will connect to next season? - I feel like I was even more attentive to practicing skating basics and jumps. I wouldn’t say everything is completed, but if I train earnestly now, I can detect what goes wrong, and that’s how the result will connect to next season in my opinion. Did the novel coronavirus affect your training and daily life in Canada? Also, what are the precautions you’re practicing? - I’ve been washing my hands and gaggling my throat. Besides, whenever I come home from practice, I disinfect various things. I think there isn’t much impact on my training. From now on, it’s off-season. Do you have any training you want to do in mind? - I want to spend time on practicing 4A, for it’s extremely difficult to train for a new jump mid-season. My home rink was already closed, so it’ll be tough from now on (Interviewer: By 3/16, Ontario had been locked down to reduce the spread of coronavirus). However, I can still make use of other methods like on-land training, etc. I think it’s helpful to build a good foundation. Please let us know your vision of next season’s program, image of music and such, to an extent that you find acceptable. - I want to do new programs. I don’t know for sure how long it would take to incorporate 4A, but that’s also my goal to work hard for next season. I haven’t had any tangible image of the programs or music for now. However, I hope to do something that is meaningful to myself.

We’ll ask you about the 4A. At GPF, you’ve given us a glimpse it for the first time. What do you think about the atmosphere in the arena at that time after you showcased the jump? - I was nervous, but because I was jumping in front of everybody, I kind of hoped I would succeed. I really enjoy the taste of climbing over the hindering wall.

[...about state of 4A...]

Finally, please let us know your resolutions for next season and send a message to fans. - I’m really thankful that you keep supporting me to the end in this season as well. I think everyone is all going through a hard time because of the novel coronavirus right now. Please be careful. For me, from now on I will keep on accumulating the training towards next season, including the 4A.

[...Bonus: Yuzu-related parts in Satomi Ito’s special interview ...] [Juro’s explanation on use of words and message by Juro]

#yuzuru hanyu #fstranslation #figure skating #yuzu

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hispydamy618 · 4 years

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She-Ra and the Princesses of Power x Spaceling: Glitch in Space

Summary: After opening the portal, it tears a hole across the dimensions giving an entrance for the New York heroes: Utopix Jones, Georgine Wilson, Gabriel Rodriguez, Oliver Schmidt and Makena Jones, to fall right through. Together, they'll need to recreate the disaster that brought them to Etheria alongside the Princess' Rebellion in order to go back home and fix what was broken... but not before defeating the obstacles on the way.

Disclaimer: Contains spoilers for She-Ra’s season 3 finale and Spaceling’s issue 10-12 events.

(Thank you so much to @catlliecal for co-writing this with me!)

Masterlist: Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4 (you're here!) // Chapter 5 // Chapter 6 // Chapter 7

Warnings: angst, some fluff; mention of blood

Word Count: 3.5k

Check Spaceling out!

Chapter 4: Fear in the Fright Zone

Utopix had gotten used to the fact of being kidnapped by people with strange intentions. But this time he was completely out of it. He woke up to a strange dark green cell. The floor was cold, instantly giving him shivers down his spine. He planned to move around the cell but the glowing green cuffs on his wrists stopped him from doing so. His ears picked on the sound of someone’s footsteps. Two persons. His heart hopefully waited that it was someone familiar.

“Good morning, little guy.” Catra greeted the one in her sarcastic manner, accompanied by Otu. “Did you have a good night sleep?”

“W-Where am I? Where’s Georgine? W-What did you do to her!?” Utopix tried to get up but the cuffs pushed him back down.

Catra laughed at his failed attempt. “Oh, wow! You’re so fiery like the glitter princess! No wonder she let you stay at her castle.”

Utopix glanced at Otu with a saddened look, but he instantly faced away, avoiding his eye contact. “What do you want from me?”

“I heard from a certain source that you hold an incredible power.” Catra scratched the shield of the cell containing Utopix as she talked. “And that power could be very useful to Lord Hordak. And I don't think you’d want to see him mad.”

His hand reached to his chest, gulping dryly at the meaning of her words. “M-My main core... but-” Utopix glanced at Otu once more. “I-If I do it, then I-I’ll... I’ll di-”

“Oh, no, no! It’s not my call to make, sweetheart.” Catra interjected, clearly lying in her statement. Her hand then turned off the shield to enter the cell with him as Otu turned the shield back on. “But if you refuse... I promise you... that not even Adora will be here to save you.” Her words entered Utopix’s ears menacingly, tears beginning to form on his eyes.

“D-Don’t...” Utopix stared into nothingness, despite having Otu in front of him. “Y-You’d never-”

Catra held the side of his face aggressively, her eyes staring into his as a threat. “Who do you think opened the portal that nearly destroyed everything?”

Her smirk made Utopix tremble. The fear in his body didn’t allow him to stand up anymore, falling onto his knees as he released the rest of his tears. Sobbing as the cat let him to his own pity.

“I suggest you move quickly, Utopix. Would hate if something happened to you.” Catra left with Otu, letting out an evil laugh as she disappeared from his sights.

=================

“She left us! I can't believe she left us after telling me to stay behind!” Adora shouted in anger as she walked around the room, waving her finger around like a disapproving mother.

“Adora...” Makena tried to interfere in her ranting.

“She might still think that I’m not good enough to fight near her! Everyone likes me! I like She-Ra! Everyone likes She-Ra!” Adora kept on rampaging and babbling around, feeling near the brink of madness.

“Adora!” Oliver shouted, placing his hands on her shoulders to stop her from walking any further. “Let’s just calm down and figure out how we’re gonna get them both.”

Adora was no stranger to the fact she had a bad habit of blaming herself for everything. Carrying the weight of the world in a sword wasn’t exactly the most stressless task out there. Despite the fact she knew there were things out of her control, she couldn’t help but pester herself over not doing everything she could to make sure things were perfect.

Utopix’s capture was just the newest addition to that list.

Upon getting back to Bright Moon, she had retreated behind the castle, keeping close to the cliffs that guarded Bright Moon. She wasn’t quite in the mood for dealing with more people, after telling them that she watched Catra take away their new friend that they swore to protect. It was a bit cruel that Georgine left with all that responsibility, but she could handle it. Maybe she’d come back and then inform the other princesses of what happened, and Adora wouldn’t have to break the news nor deal with any more guilt.

Some Princess of Power she was.

“Adora?” A familiar voice called out.

“Bow?” She replied on instinct before quickly covering her mouth.

“Adora!” Bow walked into her sight, pushing away a stray bush. “What are you doing back here?”

“How’d you even know I was back here?”

“I caught a glimpse of you coming over here,” Bow explained. “You looked really upset, the kind where you don’t wanna deal with anyone or anything. So I put myself in your shoes and then asked myself where I’d go if I wanted to avoid people.” He rested his fingers on his chin, as if deep in thought. “Certainly not in the castle, where anyone could walk in. The woods are off the table too, since someone would probably see me go into them. All that’s really left is somewhere tucked away outside, and it’s pretty tucked away behind the castle.”

“One point for team Bow,” she weakly raised a fist up in celebration. She lowered her fist back down. “But if you knew I wanted to be alone, then why did you come?”

“Simple,” Bow sat down next to her. “You needed to talk with someone about what happened, get it out of your system.”

“Didn’t Georgine already fill you in?”

“No, she hasn’t come back yet, or maybe she has and she’s hiding like you are.”

Adora lowered her head, remembering her absence. “I was kinda hoping that she’d explain everything for me,” Adora admitted.

“You don’t need to rush your answer, but what happened?”

Adora let out a long sigh. “...Utopix got captured by Catra.”

Bow bit down on his lip.

“I wanted to go after him,” she continued. “But Georgine said we couldn’t risk his safety by chasing after him with no real plan. So I had to let him go.”

“And you feel guilty for that.”

“Another point for team Bow,” she tried to smile, but it just felt awkward.

“You didn’t want to break the news to the others, so you ducked away to think over what you could have done differently.”

“You sure you aren’t a mind reader?” Adora asked.

“Nope. Only things I’m good at are archery and reading other people’s emotions.”

“You’re damn good at that last one.”

The two sat in silence for a while. Adora didn't really want to say anything else, and Bow was probably busy thinking of some sort of reply.

“You know,” Bow began, “just because you were there doesn’t mean every wrong thing is your fault.”

“Still, I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if I just moved. Maybe if I hadn’t let Catra getaway, maybe if I fought a little more, Utopix would still be with us.”

“Or maybe things wouldn’t be so good,” Bow countered. “You’d drive yourself mad if you keep going over all these alternate possibilities.”

“I guess so,” Adora sighed. Still, she was a leader, and a leader should be able to protect everyone. A leader should be able to make sure everyone was safe and all together. A leader should make sure nothing ever went wrong.

“Adora,” Bow said, “if you’re too focused on what you could have done, then you won’t be able to do anything to help get him back.”

“Huh?”

“I trust you enough to know you did everything you could back there,” Bow explained. “It might not have been the outcome you wanted, but you did everything you could. Now we can take the next step forward and create a plan so foolproof, Catra won’t even know what hit her!”

“You sure about that?”

“Positive,” Bow gave a confident smile. “This time you’ll have the whole team behind you. We won’t stop ‘till Utopix is back!”

Adora felt a genuine smile grace her face. “Thanks, Bow,” she leaned in for a hug. “I really needed to hear that.”

“Of course,” Bow returned the hug. “Now, let’s go find the others so we can start making that plan.”

=================

The Fright Zone’s usual eerie aura seemed to grow stronger with what was happening indoors. Catra had offered Utopix to Lord Hordak as if he was a peace offering after the disatrous failure that the portal caused. Which he gladly accepted.

“Fascinating,” Hordak’s fingers ran through Utopix’s dark locks, making the poor robot whimper. “It’s a fine specimen for your level of expertise.”

“He will help us recover from my.... our casualty with the rebellion.” Catra firmly reassured. “If we wait for the princesses to do any moves, it could mess up the plan.”

“How do you intend to use the core you speak of?” Hordak’s eyes narrowed at the rebellious cat.

Just in cue, Otu jumped from the shadows surrounding the lab and next to Catra. “Lord Hordak. Meet number 36. The new addition to the Horde. He came from the same place that the robot did and knows how to handle everything.”

“O-Otu...” Utopix quietly whispered, frowning as he looked up at him.

“The core will create a great weapon! If we use it against the Princesses’ Rebellion, we’ll be able to conquer most of Etheria!” Catra’s tail wagged around as she proposed her next plan.

Hordak walked around the lab, staying quiet for most of her speech until he finally had something to say. “If your insolence costs us like the last time, I’ll personally see to it.”

Catra nearly gulped. Perfectly knowing that it was a promise.

“Remove the robot’s core as soon as you can and bring it to me when you're finished. Dismissed.”

Catra lowly growled and dragged Utopix out of the room, yanking the cable connected to his cuffs. Utopix’s heart clenched as they walked back to one of the compartments, awaiting his terrible fate; trusting that something or someone would act up on time. After Catra pushed Utopix against some locks placed on the walls, she went ahead and grabbed a taser in case he wanted to escape.

“...C-Catra, right?” Utopix softly spoke.

“Hmm,” she kept her sight locked on the taser, making sure that it worked properly by pressing the button a couple of times.

“Please... You don't have to do this. If Adora and the others--”

Catra then immediately threw the taser on the floor, scaring him unintentionally as she placed her hands on both of her sides. “Don't you DARE say that name again! I WILL dismantle you and I WILL create that weapon to finish those idiots once and for all!”

“No! Y-You don't know Adora like I do! S-She’s kind and cares about her friends... M-Maybe if you talked to her--”

Catra yelled furiously as she scratched the wall nearby in pure anger. “Shut up! Just shut up! Adora is NOT my friend! She never was! And I am NOT going to save her for a stupid and weak robot like YOU!” Her hand planted very near his face.

Utopix’s face was in genuine shock. The only person that had dared to speak that harsh to him ever was Gene. Oh, Gene... But his typical emotion poured out of his eyes once again. Long-lasting tears and uncontrollable sobs. Catra eventually snapped out of her sudden anger, catching her breath in long inhales and backing away from the crying robot. She then lowered her head, contemplating the long claws on her hands as if it actually meant something.

“...I-I’m sorry.” Utopix finally spoke.

Catra’s ears perked. “Why are you apologizing?”

“I-I didn't know that... you got hurt.”

Catra clenched her fists, feeling the sharpness of her claws nearly rupture her skin. “So what? It's not like you actually care.”

“A-And what if I do? You’d still kill me?”

“Maybe I will,” she then reached for a sharp tool, making Utopix tremble. “Unless you still hold some secrets... and I'm going to get them all.”

“C-Catra... P-Please, listen to me...” his hands tried to shift around the tight locks. “D-Don’t do it!”

Otu turned around, clenching onto his arm, wishing to be anywhere else but there. Catra ran the tool down Utopix’s sweater, giving her access to his chest cavity and to his core. “36...”

His whole body trembled, turning around to face her. Catra handed him the tool so he could make the first incision. “Go ahead.”

Otu took a deep breath and leaned closer to him, but his hands betrayed him. They’d shake as the tool inched closer to his heart. Oh, how he wished that something in his head would play. A good memory. Anything that’d keep him from doing what he was about to do. But then his eyes averted to the scared one, seeing those distilling brown eyes made... something... palpitate. He never thought that he could see the stars in someone’s eyes. Yet, there they were. A single tear rolled down the counterpart’s cheek and then drove the tool deep inside...

...Catra’s leg.

While the cat yelled in pain, the half-glitched entity liberated the robot and ran out of the compartment, carrying him in his arms. Where? He didn't even know, but he needed to keep him away from the crazy cat as far as he could. Catra pressed the badge to alert Scorpia. “Scorpia!” She yelled in fury.

“Woah! Are you okay? You sound hu-!”

“36 defected! Send everyone after him! He escaped with the robot!”

Scorpia then alerted everyone else whom begun to look for the two. When the alarm went off, Otu ran as fast as he could to hide in one of the dark alleys. Once he set Utopix aside, he recovered his breath and crouched down to avoid anyone from seeing the two.

“...W-Why?”

Otu turned around and looked at his counterpart. “W-Wha...”

“W-Why did you do it?” Utopix asked again.

“I... I-I don’t... I-I’m in--”

Utopix instantly hugged him, not meaning to let go. The other’s dark eyes seemed to illuminate at the strange yet comforting touch. Quite a difference from being electrocuted and punched all the time. His arms returned the unknown gesture as his hands ran down his bare back exposed by the ruined sweater.

“O-Ow...” the poor robot softly whined as the gentle waves of energy ran down his spine.

“So sorry...” Otu immediately apologized, pulling his hands back from said place.

“I-It’s okay. I’m okay.” Utopix faintly smiled, holding onto his hands gently.

“Okay.” Otu nodded, scooping him up back again. “Let’s go.”

Utopix quietly giggled, planting a sweet kiss on his cheek, catching his counterpart off guard. “H-How come you never talked to me?”

“Don’t get cocky, Jones.”

Utopix giggled once again as the other ran out of their hiding spot and towards the exit. A pair of soldiers cornered the two. Otu lowly growled, keeping the other close to him at all times until a beam of light knocked the soldiers out.

“Georgie!” Utopix exclaimed at the sight of the angelic form of his lover.

Georgine smirked until she noticed Otu being the one carrying him and aimed her golden staff at him. “You again.”

“N-No, Georgie! H-He saved me!” Utopix waved his arms around to stop her from firing.

Georgine maintaned her aim, exhaled, and flicked her wrist to make the staff disappear. “Fine.” She then reached for him and pulled him gently from Otu to carry him instead.

“W-What are you doing here? Where’s the others?” Utopix held onto the back of her neck for support.

“I came alone. I couldn't risk the others to come get you.” Georgine’s light seemed to glorify under her statement.

Utopix was dumbfounded for a moment until he came to a realization. “...you didn't tell them.”

“I couldn't.”

Otu walked near the two and stood loosely. “I’m afraid that we cannot stay around here any longer.”

Georgine furrowed her eyebrows upon his short speech. “Huh. You do talk.”

A massive ray of energy nearly blasted the trio. Otu then got in position to attack the soldiers that manage found them. Scorpia positioned herself near them and gasped at the sight of the angelic being. “Oh my gosh! Another She-Ra!? I can barely handle one, man!”

Georgine groaned in the similar fashion that Mermista does and summoned her staff. “Think you can drive them far?” The angel glanced at Otu who was ready to attack.

“With pleasure,” Otu smirked before rapidly moved against the soldiers like a cheetah, avoiding their shots and stomping on them to temporarily knock them out. His sight then placed on Scorpia.

“Woah, woah! C’mon, 36! I don't wanna fight you!” The big one begun to step back.

Otu then grabbed one of the weapons from the Horde soldiers and aimed it at her. “Tell Catra that I’m done.” His statement made Scorpia frowned, filled by sadness of yet another comrade abandoning her. And it’d not be a great new for Catra. Otu narrowed his eyes, dropping the weapon and smashing it into a million pieces before ruining away with the two lovebirds.

Georgine made sure to stay low so she untransformed from her Zoulex form and changed to the AMR armor that Oliver gave her days ago.

“What are you doing? We need to get out of here,” Otu lowly spoke.

“I am not planning to attract much attention to that form. Plus, we need to pass as unnoticed as we can.” Georgine peeked around the wall, noticing some soldiers walking by. “Now, follow my lead.”

Georgine ran against the two as she held Utopix tightly with one arm and beat one of the soldiers with the other. Otu quickly took care of the other soldiers with much ease as they got near an entrance that leaded to the Fright Zone’s junkyard. “Alright, we’re getting near the--”

A ray blasted near her and immediately stopped to observe who had done it. Catra. She gripped the taser’s handle as she approached the trio slowly, accompanied by some stronger soldiers that begun to sprint towards them, ready to annihilate them. Georgine placed Utopix aside as she tried to open the circular entrance that was encaged by some bars. Without her Zoulex magic, it’d be too late once she opened it. Otu observed the situation placed upon him... and he knew what he had to do. He crouched down once again to look at Utopix.

“Utopix...”

The robot looked up at the other, terribly afraid out of his mind.

“Ever since I was created, I had only one purpose and it was to destroy you but...” his hand reached for his, placing it on his armed chest. “...nothing says that I can’t change that.”

“O-Otu...?” Utopix’s voice trembled at his words, getting embraced by the counterpart who whispered some words... some unique words... in his ear, making him widen his eyes and sob out of control. “N-Nghh...”

The other then stood up, lasering the entrance to then pushed it down the entrance for the two to go in. “You two go! Now! I’ll hold them back!”

“What about you?” Georgine, whom had scooped Utopix once again, asked as if there was any concern within her.

“...I’ll be fine.” Otu faintly grinned, winking at Utopix as tears formed on the dark one’s eyes. “N-No... O-Otu, don’t! Georgine, wait! We can't--!”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” Georgine slid down the vent with him as they saw Otu fight against the soldiers, miserably failing... nearly on purpose.

“OTU!” Utopix cried out upon his last sight. Memories tragically playing back.

Catra looked at Otu who was held back by two of the soldiers. Her expression lacked emotion, but her heart was enraged.

“You...” he weakly spoke. “...won’t... g-get anywhere near him now.”

Catra stood quiet for a second, slowly blinked, until she committed her action. Her claws rapidly ran across Otu’s face, making him bleed badly as he got dragged back to Lord Hordak’s lab... awaiting the same fate that Utopix meant to have.

Eventually, the power couple was launched onto the pile of junk behind the Fright Zone. Once Georgine recovered her balance, she helped Utopix stand up who shivered under the harsh place’s cold. She drew her armor back to take her hoodie off and wrapped it around the innocent one who begun to cry without saying anything else.

“Oh, love...” she hugged him, meaning to keep him warm as well. “Come on. We have to go.”

Just as the two were faintly walking around the Whispering Woods, they met with the princesses accompanied by She-Ra, Swift Wind and the others who were about to go and save them.

“Georgine! Utopix!” Adora untransformed and ran towards the two, hugging them as if she hadn't seen them in years. “A-Are you okay?”

Utopix kept himself quiet at the question, lowering his head in sadness. Adora could just only frown at his lack of response, but not knowing what it meant.

Georgine placed a hand on her shoulder to draw her attention. “Otu... Utopix’s counterpart... saved him from Catra.”

The others far behind still managed to hear, frowning and covering their mouths in dread. Adora could just only press her forehead against Utopix’s to attempt to comfort him of his pain.

“I’m sorry...”

#she ra and the princesses of power #spaceling #a glitch in space #she ra au #she ra season 3 #she ra fanfic #original fic #writing #writers in tumblr #hispydamy618 #catlliecal

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survivormetaverse · 3 years

Text

Episode 1 - "I know the game will pick up eventually" ~Shaad

chile lemme not get thrown out for making all these stan twitter bitch references I'M LICHERALLY HARMLESS I DON'T MEAN MOST OF WHAT I SAY DKJFHASJKLDG

ngl tho i'm kinda shitting myself over these challenges bc i don't wanna get tossed on the first round JKAHFSJKDGHJ my ant eye et tea is through the ROOF

oh girl, first impressions? ngl, the gays and girls here seem quite lovely, hopefully they won't have to carry me the entire time LMAO

Okay like the only person I like/talked to is Jodi but she seems like a smart cookie so ima sleep with one eye open. But idk I'm ready to put on my fake ass smile and my fake ass kind words and get through this part. It's interesting with 6 people per tribe like if we lose I don't have that solid "core" yet but theres a chance that it would be me, jodi, amy because we were the first three on and active so idk. the immunity challenge is cool, the hunt challenge is cool too. im not good at timed puzzles, so I don't think I'm gonna go for it but a part of me feels like everyone across the tribes isnt gonna do it becsuse theyre scared so thats a good opportunity to sneak in and play with less people against me? idk idk idk ahhh

🎶Oh my god we're back again🎶 Hey peeps!! :DDD Here I am againnnn, how fun! Tbh I forgot this was today lowkey and Dylan reminded me and I was like oop 😳 also I am so sorry to everyone that I cannot help but sprinkle the fact that we are now dating in all of my first convos bc IM VERY GAY apologies✨ for how often I'm mentioning it I mean 😂 My tribemates seems so cool, Jennifer and Babs are newbies but seem up to the challenge, Jay A and Colin already giving off immaculate vibes✨ Me and Dyl are hosting Ingary in a month and I do have like work and everything so I don't know exaclty how active I'll be in this game/ how far I'll make it but we'll see won't we!!

not me being a leader of whateva

it's the lack of reading comprehension for me (that was shade directed towards myself)

In the fools tribe !!! Moth is in my tribe which is good because we have played together before. The immunity challenge is divide and conquer! So I believe I will be doing the endurance one. I think I’ll be okay... and the hunt announcement is a good twist !!! I’m not sure if I’ll participate in the first one.. but I’ll probably change my mind. ANYWAYS, I’m ready to kick some ass

Hey guys it's me Brayden and I am so here. I'm so excited to be playing again and stuff and I have already predicted the future that I'll be the winner. Anyways I was at an award ceremony for like the first 3 hours of the game which is kind of scary bc I feel like I missed alot but I'm trying to talk to people and stuff and see what's going on. I've briefly talked to Jodi, Amy, and Ginnifer (who is so hard to talk to btw I like send her messages trying to start a real conversation and she will just respond being like same or something). Anyways the other 2 people on my tribe are offline rn so ig I missed my chance to talk to them tonight so I'll do that tomorrow. Anyways I signed up to do counting and I'm so excited bc I literally KILLED the counting challenge on Kyoshi Islands so I'm so excited to hopefully kill it again. I also decided to play the hunt challenge even though I only have 3 chances bc I'm hoping alot of people will be scared to use one of their three chances to play in the first round and I can have a better chance of winning it. But I think I'm bad at puzzles. I didn't think it through that hard I think I got excited to play a challenge but whatever I'll probably win the advantage then in a few weeks win the whole game anyways see u later.

SO its the morning after the premiere!! Everyone's settled in!! and I kinda don't know how to feel?? Overall the premiere was kinda quiet, nothing happened worth noting tbh. Everyone on the tribe showed up, so thats good, but i think we're all just feeling each other out at the moment as for the people on my tribe! everyone seems chill but also i can't put my finger on it but SOMEHOW this tribe radiates chaotic energy. I don't know HOW or WHY but I just know it DOES. The way we're interacting in the tribe chat it seems like there's a very wide range of personalities and vibes. They're either gonna complement each other or clash, and I guess we're just gonna have to wait to find out which one!!! here are my quick night 1 first impressions that no one asked for :) Anastasia - she showed up kinda late bc she had life happening, understandable. BUT she kinda just jumped right in and started vibing with everyone!! so I think she's gonna be a strong social player. I talked to her and she seems really funny, I think I might really get close with her if I'm able to talk to her more Babs - IF our tribe does end up being chaotic, it's going to be because of Babs. They're definitely the most talkative and prominent person on the tribe, but I think they might come off as messy to others. they're really funny though!! so again I can see myself wanting to work with them if I can get to know them more. They are the biggest question mark on the tribe for me currently Elle - AH. I LOVE THEM ALREADY. Within minutes of us talking they mentioned Dylan and then I found out that they're DATING and I was SCREECHING. cutest shit i've ever heard. I'm so excited to meet and play with them. Dylan is one of my fave people in the org community so ofc I wanna get to know Elle and connect with them as well!! Jay - I think Jay seems like just a very genuine open person?? Like we talked for quite a while yesterday just about games and he was asking me questions about my experience with them and all that. idk if it's because he sees me as a threat or if its because he just actually wanted to get to know me. He lowkey gives me heterosexual vibes and idk if thats true or not but idk how to bring it up. but I def wanna keep talking to him and getting to know him!! I think he might be someone I can form a genuine friendship with Jennifer - kinda have no opinion so far. I think shes the quietest on the tribe. at least for me I didn't get the chance to hear from her much. kinda gives catfish vibes. kinda gives early boot vibes. idk. we'll see what happens!

Not too much yet tbh. Just finding my footing. People are loving my energy so hopefully they’ll keep me around

So i realized Amy is runner up from the season before mine in another org and so we connected over that... of course we are not going to tell anyone else but we did have that going for us to get started. brayden is only 16 but he told me he loves magic and wanted to learn more about it so i told him id teach him some stuff! dennis and i called and connected well BUT hes kinda playing SUPER hard and wanting to throw challenges already to vote people out.. this has never worked out for anybody!! josh is cool, he works at a grocery store so he's gonna kill the "b" challenge. ginnifer has been the most MIA but i have faith that we'll work together well for the popularity contest. yall know i cant play the reverse flirt game i so badly want to coin, but i do have romance tea for yall tomorrow. stay tuned........

Jay and I talked last night so i guess we're best friends. We decided to make an alliance and try to get Elle in it. But everyone has been pretty inactive besides Jay and Collin. I've only slightly talked to Jessica this whole game and Babs hasn't even said one thing to me and I texted them hi. And apperently Babs has left Jay on opened too so they might just suck at talking right now. Hopefully Babs will talk to me they seem so funny and cool D:

I won endurance 👑!!!! Hopefully the fools tribe wins this!!!! I played against Jennifer and Dennis. I could see myself playing with Dennis down the line if we merge. I haven’t talked to anyone but Moth. So I messaged my whole tribe Introducing myself. Hopefully things work out for me!

Thoughts after the first 24hrs: https://youtu.be/I62bDSzgf68

You hear something ??? Same. Why is my tribe so quiet 😂😂😂😂 I’m trying to read off the vibes but I see nothing.

I really love my tribe and the fact that they don’t know I played last season is a good strategy to play on my end

tbh i wish we lost i wanted to go to tribal and vote one of these people out :(

Welp we got second place in the first challenge :| which isn't bad!! But it's not first place 😂😂. But I had a fun day taking pictures so whateverssss. I said I would be chaotic in this game but the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet... Guess we'll have to wait and see✨

I think at this point, my team is shady and won't say anything to me so I am nervous.

The challenges were way harder than I thought. I didn't do well at all and let my tribe down. I feel like I will be the first to get voted out if we have a tribal hearing.

We lost yay. I had a feeling. Hopefully the tribe will keep me around for now since I won endurance.... lhsisowjshwowpwpwheowowhfiwpqpqpjw. Jared thinks we can vote Bri out. Which I’m fine with, I haven’t really talked to her at all. Jared and I are going to message the others and see where everyone’s head is at. Honestly I don’t care who goes home as long as I’m safe. Everyone is quiet which is so annoying. Blahhhhhhhhhh

Well it’s my 3rd time playing and it’s not off to the best start, no one seems to be talking to anyone. And we lost meaning we are going to tribal council. So fuck- I have no idea what about to happen. I’m just hoping it’s not me or Jess

if i must confess, my strategy is to have a 4-3-2 alliance. i need a 4 to have a majority, but i dont have a 4 yet. within the 4, theres a three person alliance w me jodi and amy, but within that three i believe that the core 2 is myself and jodi. i really dont care who the 4th is. i like having jodi and amy as an alliance because theyre both doing wayy too much which is great for me :) i dont think any of these people have idols but who knows. i would love to throw the next immunity i wanna go to tribal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Looks like we’ve got something good. We’ve got an alliance that’s set to (hopefully) vote out bri due to inactivity. Let’s just pray it works

Trying to talk in this tribe is so difficult In both my other seasons I was pretty quiet all the time It is like that x10000 I was hoping to stay under the radar but that doesn’t work if no one talks at all I suppose it depends on if I’m being played or if everyone just doesn’t talk. I think there’s a plan. Let’s hope it goes well

OKAY SO. Moth, Jared and I have a little alliance going on. We are set on voting out Bri. I just talked to Danny and Shaad and they are down with voting Bri out. I have high hopes that I’ll be safe at tribal.

Better communication.. in sticking with that fact, our communication in my team could be better and we need to put more effort into what we do, I believe in us!

https://youtu.be/595h7hmL6VY

The start to this game has been a freaking snails pace...it’s unbelievable to me that these people do not want to talk that much, especially when it’s a tribe of 6. Colin and I talk the most, I’ve gotten a decent amount out of Anastasia, and to me it feels like those 2 wants to work with me and I am fine with working with them. Usually in a larger group you want to figure out who you can work with long term and use the first few tribals to establish trust, I may throw that out the window since there’s only 5 other people on this tribe. My strategy needs to be who the hell can get me past these first few votes before a swap happens, and I feel like I can rely on Colin and Anastasia for that. I’d like to pull in Elle, because she’s the one who’s talked to me the most out of her, Babs, and Jennifer. Everyone seems nice, but it would be lovely if people would be more active.

I’m enjoying the fact our tribe won the first challenge everyone is very nice I love it :)

This round has been pretty smooth sailing. I know the game will pick up eventually but for now, we are just going with the flow as a tribe

https://youtu.be/UZVzZ6d6GRU

ok so apparently ginnifer isn't famous. she's just a bit quiet and mysterious. ok with me, just gonna take a while because I'm a loud and outspoken person (and player). amy, dennis and I have an alliance called "fang gang" (it's really just 3 emojis of vampires) and we're going to run the premerge hopefully. I do like brayden a lot, and maybe I'll propose a 3 with him, amy and myself to have a solid 4 control the votes until a swap. round 1 not bad so far!

~~~

Edgics:

Power Rankings:

Phantom

Jodi: I believe Jodi is thriving on this tribe. She is very obviously a social player who picks up on the littlest details. I’m sure she can sniff out a plot if it comes down to it. However, Jodi is the plot. She is the leader of her tribe and is easily the most active person in the game at the moment. So long as she keeps a smile on her face and doesn’t overextend to do something messy, she will find that she will make it safely to merge. Allying with Amy could be dangerous however since Amy has stated she needs to be voted out before a certain date. This means that Jodi needs to socialize with other members of her tribe and get new allies before hers will inevitably be voted out of the game.

Amy: Even though she wants to get voted out, Amy has set herself up perfectly at Jodi’s side. She can take the heat off of herself using Jodi and is able to hide better than others. As always, her UTR game has come out to shine. She hasn’t had anyone call her out and even though Jodi has seen her play she is still able to gain her trust.

Josh: Doing so well in the challenge has earned Josh’s place here. He makes his worth known early and has a great personality as well. This makes him very safe for any early tribal councils as no one is going to want to take him out; they want him on their side. Similar to Amy, he just seems to be using an under the radar social game which he is executing well at the present moment. And, as the star of the challenge, he makes himself safe for future tribals before the swap. However, I do fear that this early impression of competition prowess will come back to haunt him if he makes it to the merge.

Dennis: I would put Dennis higher, but Jodi, his ally, already is suspicious of him. She seems to think of him as a bit of a sneak and, as the tribe leader, her opinions matter the most. It is good that he is able to be Jodi’s ally so she might stray away from voting him out. However, his desire to go to tribal and play the game so early may bite him in the butt later down the line. I can definitely see him being called out for trying to play too hard too fast. At the moment, he remains high because he seems to be decently social and no one except Jodi has sniffed him out.

Brayden: There’s not much to say on Brayden’s game. He doesn’t seem to have any allies, his challenge performance wasn’t as good as others on his tribe, and he is not in any alliances yet. This spells disaster for Brayden if his tribe goes to consecutive tribal councils. Additionally, even though he was one of the few to play in the Hunt, he didn’t win and wasn’t even close to doing so. He even gave up part way through to do the immunity challenge. I would be saving them if I were Brayden, but hindsight is 20/20. If Brayden can squeeze into being the fourth of the Jodi, Amy, Dennis alliance instead of Josh then maybe his game forecast will be better.

Ginnifer: The thing that lands Ginnifer on the bottom is that she said that her tribe could vote her out if they lost the challenge. This primes people to already be willing to get rid of her in this game. Additionally, some people have expressed difficulty with talking to Ginny such as Jodi and Amy. The former still wants to give Ginny a try at being an ally while the latter was ready to vote her out if necessary. Ginny just needs to pick up social steam and outperform in the next comp if she’s going to have longevity in this game.

Fools

Jessica: In lieu of a clear leader, Jessica has stepped up as she started the first alliance on her tribe with Moth and Jared. No doubt, Jessica’s prior relationship with Moth helped facilitate. Additionally, this seems to paint them as the “active” members of this not active tribe. Therefore, it will be very easy for Jessica to dictate votes without getting labelled as a threat since her tribe is not active enough to do so. I can definitely see her leaning on Moth as a crutch, but for now she is the topdog of her tribe. Especially so since she was the only member of her tribe to win a challenge in Divide and Conquer.

Moth: As Jessica’s right-hand person, Moth is a secure spot. It also helped that they have played this game before and is on a not active tribe. This vibes well with Moth’s gameplay style since they aren’t a social powerhouse like Jodi or Colin. Instead, she keeps it more lowkey which makes this tribe in particular a great tribe for her to thrive in.

Jared: While he hasn’t provided a confessional yet, it’s clear he’s positioned himself well with Moth and Jessica. As the topdogs of the tribe, they are key people to get in with. Besides that, he seems to be a little more active than some others, but there’s not much else to say as of right now.

Danny/Shaad: Him and Shaad can trade spots on this ranking because they are playing similar games at the moment. They are both quiet and inactive, yet are not part of the core alliance of this tribe. This could spell danger for them in upcoming tribal councils if they don’t start working on people now. They seem to be safe for now based solely on Bri’s inactivity, but, otherwise, they need to pick up their socio-strategic game before it is too late.

Bri: She seems to be the most likely person to get voted out. She was not online at all for the first two days of the game and has since remained inactive. She is easy pickings for the top 3 of this tribe which really hurts my heart. I know her in real life and she is very sociable and easy to get along with. I have no doubt that in a real life game of Survivor or Big Brother, she would kill the social game.

S.E.E.S.

Colin: Similar to Jodi, Colin is the most social person on his tribe at the moment. However, unlike Jodi, he has not taken a leader position which works to his benefit. Despite being social, Colin has been able to slip under the radar of most people with a lot of them wanting to work with him. Colin is easily going to survive until the swap, but I will caution him from getting too many allies too quickly. This tribe in particular has a wildcard willing to blow things like that up so he needs to be careful.

Elle: Similar to her previous games, Elle plays an extraordinary social game and becomes very well-liked very easily. They have no problem fitting into any situation and I foresee them making it far if they gain the right allies. What puts her at number 2 as opposed to number 1 is that she hasn’t made any strategic comments yet. Instead, she is focusing on a social game which is not a bad thing. Colin has just shown more of his gameplay in these rounds.

Anastasia: Anastasia, despite being late to the premiere, has been able to socialize with key people such as Colin and Jay. Her prior connection with Elle has also sparked an interest in Colin in working with the two of them as an alliance. Overall, her and Elle sort of share the 2 and 3 spot since they are both well-liked, did well in the challenge, and are prime allies for Colin whose word will feel like law if this tribe ever goes to tribal.

Jay: Jay is neither here nor there. He isn’t in the bottom, but he is not calling the shots either. It is good that Colin wants him as his number 1 and that Anastasia likes him. Out of the three outside of this potential Elle, Colin, Anastasia alliance, he seems like he will be most likely to be saved until a swap occurs. His calls with people have certainly been helping with that as people are able to bond more with him through there. His activity could use work, but he doesn’t need to be active if he’s liked.

Babs: With another Jodi comparison, Babs has taken the leadership position of their tribe. However, they are not as social and, in fact, considered a big threat since they are so willing to talk freely and openly in the tribe chat. Their gameplay is going to be Messy, and people have already pointed that out, making them a clear target if this tribe goes to tribal council. Despite that, they aren’t at the bottom since some people, like Colin, have expressed interest in working with that kind of player as a sort of shield. If Babs were to tone it down and be more social with people (another problem with their game), they may be able to crawl up these rankings.

Jennifer: Sadly I have to put another phonetic Jennifer at the bottom. She did the worst in the challenge across her tribe and isn’t active either. For this round, it seems she would be the easy vote if this tribe had gone to tribal. She needs to start being more social and be more of a presence in people’s minds.

#episode #episodes

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luobingmeis · 4 years

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Pls give us the AtLA rant, I have a mighty need!

askjskjsdkjdskj i copy and pasted my rant from last night bc imo the raw energy of “i am genuinely shocked and angry (in a good way)” is something i cannot recreate right now

so here is the rant i went on in my groupchat + the secret side conversation i had in DMs bc, in my 3 person gc, 2 of us are watching it for the first time and i already knew some stuff going in so i didn’t want to spoil

it’s all under the cut bc it’s long as fuck (like almost 2k words if not more)

but basically i go into my own type of avatar-state while talking abt zuko!!!!

(I HAVEN’T STARTED BOOK 3 YET, PLEASE NO SPOILERS)

groupchat:

but i just finished book 2 and it took a completely different turn from what i thought it was going to like i am actually in shock and have officially reached my point of "zuko what the actual fuck" because the choice to do good was right there after everything he and iroh went through and after all that he saw and letting aang go multiple times and he was starting to be happy in this new life and saw that he and iroh could be free and he still went back to azula for his pride and honor, turning against aang and katara after he and katara could have finally reached a moment of understanding

but like what the fuck i am more mad at s2 zuko than i was at s1 zuko bc, in season 1, the avatar and his honor was the only thing he thought about, but in s2, he met people who had their lives ruined by the fire nation!! and he worked with them!!!! iroh was showing him what it was like to live completely free, doing what he wants!!!! and he was starting to understand!!!!! but im so pissed and so fucking shocked bc, this entire fucking time, i was like "oh yeah the end of s2 is going to be when zuko joins, right? bc i mean book 3 is fire, so zuko has to teach him fire bending" but no, he willingly chose to keep pursuing the avatar after fucking everything he has seen, after knowing how people were affected by the fire nation, after everything iroh did for him

and he knows what he did!! he knows!!!!! he told azula that he betrayed iroh!!!!!!! he fucking knows

when iroh showed up to fight both him and azula, i was fucking losing it bc iroh's love has been so unconditional for zuko, he supported zuko through everything and even helped him try to capture the avatar at times, but that was the final straw

zuko willingly walked into world domination. he doesn't even fucking trust azula! he never has! but she brought up his pride and honor, and she's powerful as all hell, and he sided with her! after everything!

i really thought he was learning that his quest for the avatar was fruitless! it's not going to bring him happiness! his life in the fire nation will never return to normal

aang has saved his life so many god damn times, him and katara were reaching a point of understanding! they fucking talked about how the fire nation took both of their mothers

and i'm so floored bc this was all willing

when zuko was exiled, he had no choice! it was either find the avatar or have no home. but he was finding a home! he finally seemed so happy with iroh! it really seemed like iroh's teachings were getting through to him! that he was learning what he really wanted (freedom)! but he still went back to the fire nation except this time he chose to. he looked at the people he was starting to understand, at the man who has been a better father than ozai ever could, and willingly chose to turn away for the sake of pillaging and conquering and "honor" in a family that doesn't care about him

at first, i was like "this has to be a trick, right? he's fighting them now so that he can backstab azula later, right?"

but when katara said to him "i thought you changed!" and he said "i have" i was fucking besides myself

im so angry but im also fucking exhilirated bc this i did not expect

i would've put so much money on there being a meaningful moment of zuko stepping up alongside aang

like, i was so sure this would happen

i was convinced

but holy shit

and fucking!!! zuko knows what iroh went through at ba sing se with the loss of his son (and probably the realization that what the fire nation was doing was fucked up) and zuko still turned against iroh

after everything iroh did for him! iroh was the only person who stood by zuko's side during everything. he pleaded zuko's case over and over, he seeked out the gaang bc he needed their help and he was so sure that zuko would make the right decision!!! he saw zuko let the avatar go before, but when zuko was faced w/ azula's assistance and the avatar right there, he just went back to his old ways except worse bc this is willing

and like

am i discounting the manipulations of azula and ozai? no!!!

that definitely had a hand in it, bc azula has been dangling honor and ozai's love in front of zuko the entire time

but i really thought that the end of s2 would be when zuko sees past all of that

except he turned back to the family that doesn't even love him, betraying the only person who truly cared for him and loved him unconditionally and wanted the best for him, and now he has a direct hand in the collapse of ba sing se and world domination

like okay let it be known that this is some of the best writing ive seen and im fucking obsessed and im living for this and it's so fucking good so my anger is fueled by excitement and shock

and also i fucking love negative character development

like. i love zuko. and literally i think that's part of this too bc i was so sure that he was going to make the right decision

and instead i had to face the dawning realization that he wasn't

and now he and azula are teaming up to end the earth kingdom

like i thought i knew where this was gonna go and now i'm genuinely lost (in a good way)

and like i haven't even touched upon aang's chakra being locked bc he went back to katara

(also don't even get me started on the painful irony of iroh telling aang that sometimes it's better to choose love and friendship over power)

(like really don't get me started because i'm about to combust)

after everything iroh did for zuko!!!

after the gaang has saved his life!!!!!!!

and the best thing is, it was shocking but still not out of character

that's the beautiful thing

this was always an option for zuko

it's the point of the crossroads!!! you can go either way!!!!!!!

i just thought he was gonna go...................... the other way

and like literally the fact that he sided with azula after obviously not liking her basically his entire life (or at least his adolescence) is so fucking telling for how he made this decision bc. unless there's some behind the scenes stuff, he saw the avatar and his pride and his honor so clearly, and he saw how powerful azula was becoming, and decided that he would still take it even in the face of azula's manipulations and violence

if that makes sense

if you can't tell, i'm kinda reeling right now

like, apparently zuko wants his honor/power so badly that he'll side with azula!!!

after they spent an entire season fighting her

but also....... azula finally gave him that option of working together. before, it was always azula vs. zuko

now, though, azula was offering a world dominating olive branch

so now like im thinking....... what if that happened earlier? would zuko always have turned? or is it just because everything he ever wanted was so close to him?

and it's wonderful bc it's still so in-character. like, even siding with azula, it's not bc he suddenly cares for his sister or whatever, but it's because he chose honor/pride/the fire nation over freedom/giving up what he always wanted. i don't think he was choosing azula, he was choosing his pre-written destiny over making his own

god is any of this making sense i am literally so fucking shocked

i literally need like 3 episodes solely on iroh at this point bc you know what probably fucking sucks??? losing his first son to the war in ba sing se, and then losing his nephew (who he saw as another son) to starting war in ba sing se

like? that has to feel like a fucking slap in the face ten times over

especially bc iroh left the fire nation with zuko (and probably for zuko), most likely giving up his full title there

and like? the fighting sequences are so cool but it was so fucking heartbreaking to hear iroh tell aang "you go on ahead! i will hold off both of them!" because like. iroh can't wait any longer! he thinks (and knows) that zuko is making the wrong choice, but he can't wait any longer! he can't stand by while zuko dominates an entire city and say "oh, he's really complicated, he's going through something"! because zuko did go through it and he came out of it and he still made that choice! iroh probably feels like all his patience, all his efforts, all his teachings and love, went to fucking waste! because it didn't get him anywhere!

like, iroh probably still loves zuko but he probably feels so fucking betrayed and hurt and disappointed because, after seeing zuko let the avatar go before and seeming so happy, he probably thought that zuko was changing for the better! and now, he has to fight his niece AND his nephew! this no longer is zuko insulting some other general or his crew that iroh can fix by explaining what happened w/ ozai and how zuko is very conflicted! this is a situation that zuko willingly walked in, even after hearing and knowing all of iroh's teachings!

anyways! poetic cinema

like also pls dont think im ignoring everything else in the episode, like aang's chakra being locked was fucking wild and that entire episode was so good, with the fight sequences and everything abt azula, and toph’s metal bending, just forgive me bc im a little uhhhhh distracted by a twist that i genuinely did not expect

i feel bad for how focused i am right now on zuko but also how can i not be bc that feels so connected to literally everything else

also tho on a brighter note, true serotonin was when appa finally returned :')

it's so wonderful that appa broke out by himself. he did it all on his own! no one else was there. at all :)

(im kidding that was actually a very important moment in zuko's character)

(or at least i thought it was going to be)

(well actually it still is, but it's come to the question of "you can always say what you're going to do in a situation, but what happens when you're actually faced with it?”)

DMs:

i know that zuko gets redeemed, right? like i know, in the end, they will all team up

but the fact that it didn't happen now

holy shit

like.......... a whiiiiiiile ago on tumblr, i saw a post that was like "zuko has a great redemption but he needed to work for it bc he did awful things" and like? tbh yeah i got that s1 zuko was the antag and he did shitty things but like...................... this feels so much more poignant

like zuko literally has a direct hand now in the collapse of the earth kingdom

literally not to be dramatic but this is like. taz-reveal levels of shocked right now.

i thought i knew the zuko arc

bc i know he gets redeemed!!

so, after watching this season, i was thinking "oh okay it's gonna be this season! makes sense!"

but.... deep down

deep down..............

a part of me was kinda like "so is season 1 zuko....... it? is that the end of his antagonisms? is season 2 meant to be his redemption? i dig it, but i thought it would be more...................... dramatic"

well!

got what i wished for!

and i am in the best kinds of hell

like i almost feel bad bc so much other stuff happened in the finale (like, for example, aang's chakra being locked, which i screamed at, it was so good) but like. i genuinely did not expect this.

like. holy fuck.

like, now i really understand why people say that zuko needed to really work for his redemption bc he and azula are tag teaming the end of the earth kingdom

#answered #jordie watches atla #Anonymous

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notapaladin · 4 years

Text

burn your kingdom down, pt 2

“And I said, ‘this is oneshot,’ you know, like a liar.”

ANYWAY, here is part 2! Following Acatl & Teomitl’s previous fight against Tezcatlipoca’s creatures, they discuss their relationship, plan against future threats to their happiness, deal decisively with at least one of those threats...and get laid. Yeah, there’s smut in this!

Part one

It’s also on AO3!

They had to stop kissing, eventually. Not that Acatl wanted to—gods, he couldn’t believe he’d gone so long without it, every minute he wasn’t kissing Teomitl now felt like a tragic waste of time—but it turned out that not only was it possible to literally kiss someone breathless, doing so had a disagreeable tendency to suck all the moisture out of your mouth. And then, too, Teomitl was still weak from his injuries; when he arched his back with a groan that mingled pleasure with pain, Acatl pulled away with a murmured apology.

“Hmph,” Teomitl said into his shoulder. “I’m fine.”

Acatl ran a hand up his back, feeling the warmth of his skin through several layers of bandages. Teomitl was trembling a little, and he didn’t think it was from the lingering heat of their kisses. Gods, he could still feel that mouth on his. “You should eat. Regain your strength.”

“Mmm.” He was frowning as he drew away, but he dutifully returned to picking at his food.

Acatl spent a long moment just watching him, his heart so full that he thought it would burst. He looked like he’d been kissed, hair ruffled and mouth red, and didn’t seem inclined to fix either one of those things. The warm hands currently wrapping up another bite-sized mouthful of fish and peppers in a piece of flatbread had just been on Acatl’s own skin, tracing old scars as though they were something precious. I love you. The words pulsed through him in time with his heartbeat, but even as he started to smile a second, more vicious thought crept in to steal his joy. I love you, and I almost lost you.

Abruptly, not touching Teomitl was absolutely impossible. He shifted closer, put an arm around Teomitl’s waist, and was immediately rewarded with solid warmth against his side and a beloved head coming to rest on his shoulder. This close, he could see the way his lover’s jaw clenched to fight back a yawn.

“You could sleep.” I’m not going anywhere.

Teomitl made a disgruntled noise. “I don’t need to be coddled.”

Since Teomitl wasn’t looking at him—he was instead determinedly applying himself to his meal as though each bite was a foe to be conquered—he gave into the urge to roll his eyes. “I’m well aware. But I seem to recall you fussing over me when my injuries weren’t nearly so severe, so you can hardly complain if I return the favor. I did tell you I love you, didn’t I?” It came out huffier than he’d intended it to, and for a moment he thought he’d misstepped.

Then Teomitl, turning red, set his plate down and buried his face into the side of Acatl’s neck. His voice came out muffled by his skin. “You did. Your timing is still terrible.”

He couldn’t help but smile into Teomitl’s hair. It was tempting to pet down his side, and so he did—because he could, because now he was allowed. He kept his touch gentle, feeling the way it made him shiver. “I’ll have to keep repeating myself until it isn’t, then.”

“Acatl.”

Even just the sound of his name on Teomitl’s lips made his heart melt. Words failed him; all he could do was shift his weight so they both sat a bit more comfortably, Teomitl warm and heavy against him. The frescoes on the walls seemed to gleam a little more brightly. Chicomecoatl’s own luck must be with me, because I surely don’t deserve this.

Teomitl’s breathing turned slow and measured. He was quiet for so long that Acatl thought he’d fallen asleep, and then he murmured, “...Since when have you loved me, anyway?”

Gods. “I don’t know,” he began, but almost immediately he realized it was partially a lie. He might not know when it started, but he knew the first time he’d been sure of it—the first time he’d looked at Teomitl and the realization that this was what love felt like had dropped into his mind like the first rain after the dry season. “I think...certainly when you came to see me after the plague.”

Teomitl drew in a breath. “You remember that?” It didn’t sound as though it pleased him, and Acatl wondered why. Had he really regretted his actions that much?

He flattened his palm against the corded muscle overlaying Teomitl’s ribs, feeling the way it made his breath catch. “I’ll never forget. You were...you looked…” He shook his head. “Imperial.” Gods, there was no way to describe the emotions that had swamped him on that day. Teomitl had lifted his head and was staring at him, but he kept his eyes on his lover’s discarded plate. “I knew I’d serve you—love you—with my whole heart.”

Teomitl made a soft noise, and when Acatl turned his head their mouths met again. It was soft and sweet, and when Teomitl breathed, “Mm, Acatl…” into the space between them he knew he was lost again.

Gentle, whispered the rational part of his mind. He’s still injured. But he couldn’t seem to stop himself from sliding his hand down over the curve of Teomitl’s hip, and when he did that Teomitl made a sound that had him deepening their kiss, burying a hand in Teomitl’s thick hair to pull him closer. He wanted—he needed—more. It quickly turned almost biting, their lips parting for each other’s tongues just briefly enough to be intoxicating, and when Teomitl ran a hand over his chest and caught the edge of a nipple with one nail he gasped at the spark of pleasure.

When they pulled apart, Teomitl didn’t go far. His voice was rough and his eyes were shining and he was beautiful. “All this time I thought I had no chance, that you were indifferent at best…”

The hand on his chest slid down over his stomach, and for a moment he couldn’t think past the entirely inappropriate surge of lust. Then his words hit him, and he felt his face go hot. “All this—I mean, how long have you…?”

At least he wasn’t the only one; Teomitl actually had to avert his gaze, voice lowering as though he was embarrassed by the answer he gave. “Months.” There was a short huff of laughter. “Sometimes I think it was even from the moment you threw a knife at me—“

He bristled. “I did not throw it at you—“

“—but when Tizoc tried to kill you...that’s when I knew. The idea of losing you...it nearly killed me.” His voice grew softer and softer; when Acatl smoothed a hand over the back of his neck, he trembled. “I think it might have, if he’d succeeded.”

For a long moment, he found himself speechless. Memories flashed crystal-clear through his mind—the ahuizotls charging to his rescue, Teomitl’s hands on his knives for an instant before he handed them over, a cut-off comment that he didn’t look well. The way he’d smiled, as proud as anything, when he’d told him he’d broken out of his rooms to save him. Duality. How must he have been feeling, knowing I might die? But that was a question he already knew the answer to. The same way I felt when he was bleeding in my arms. “...I’m here,” he whispered. “And I won’t leave you.”

Teomitl’s sweet smile made him blush all over again. “I know.”

What else could he do except kiss him? The first brush of soft lips against his made him hope, just for a moment, that he’d succeed in keeping it gentle. The last thing he wanted to do was jostle Teomitl’s still-healing wounds.

Teomitl, it seemed, had other plans. He let Acatl control the pace for the span of a heartbeat before surging up, twisting in Acatl’s arms like a snake to bury both hands in his hair and press him down onto the mat. Stunned, off-balance, he went willingly. The reeds were a little rough even through his cloak, but that came a distant second to the way Teomitl seemed determined to devour him. It was a kiss with teeth, and he let out a breathless moan when a knee nudged his thighs apart.

“We should—“ He cut himself off with a gasp, because Teomitl’s mouth had lowered to his throat and the heat of those lips on his skin sent desire simmering through his veins. “Ah—nnh, Teomitl, we need to figure out what to do about Tizoc-tzin.”

That got Teomitl’s attention, at least. When he lifted his head, his voice was a soft, dark thing, like a jaguar with its claws out. “I said I’d give it a few years, Acatl. But if you want…”

His heart was pounding. It took him a moment to breathe, and then he rasped out, “No.”

“Hm. Alright, then.” Teomitl shifted, bracing himself on the mat, and Acatl realized he was shaking with the effort. It seemed that not even nearly dying had taught him the value of knowing his own limits, and it made something soft unfurl in his chest.

When he pushed himself upright, gently folding them both back into a more-or-less seated position, Teomitl went without trouble. It left him essentially in Acatl’s lap, which wasn’t something he would ever complain about. Teomitl was just so warm. He indulged in holding him for a while before he spoke. “Mihmatini said...that you wanted to kill him for my sake.”

Teomitl inhaled slowly, letting it out in a sigh against his collarbone. His brief burst of energy seemed to have faded. “I did. I do.”

Another tide of emotion nearly swamped him, and he had to stroke Teomitl’s spine in a vain attempt to let it out. Mihmatini told me, but gods, to hear it from his lips… “Thank you,” he murmured. “For staying your hand.”

Teomitl’s lips curved in a soft smile against his skin. “I love you,” he said simply.

His heart skipped a beat. He’d seen what Teomitl was like in defense of those he loved. “Knowing that makes me even more grateful, you know. That you haven’t done it yet.” When you could, and I know you could, but you say that you love me...and because of that, Tizoc-tzin keeps his throne another day.

“You asked me not to. As one man to another.” Teomitl blew out a meditative breath and added, “That...that was why I didn’t tell you.”

Acatl blinked down at him. From this angle, he mostly had a good look at the side of Teomitl’s face, but he thought he saw him turning red. “Hm?”

Oh, he was definitely blushing. It was far more endearing than it had any right to be, especially when he muttered, “I wasn’t going to waste my breath if you saw me as a child.”

He couldn’t stop a grin. “I think the time for that has decidedly passed.” To prove it, he slid his fingers up the side of Teomitl’s neck and back down, digging in his nails just enough to wring a full-body shudder out of him.

Teomitl lifted his head. For a moment they locked eyes, his gaze hungry—and then he kissed him. Hard. He seemed to be determined to prove that his injuries were no barrier to this; though he was still leaning against him, a boneless weight in Acatl’s arms, the heat of his mouth and the little sounds he made when Acatl’s nails dug into his back were designed to tempt him to forget that. To lift him up, pull him all the way onto his lap, disregard all thoughts of weakness and recovery in a bid to tear his plain loincloth aside and—

He broke away with a groan, breathing hard, and ruthlessly pushed away the pounding heat of arousal. Now was not the time. Thoughts were slow to trickle back into his mind, but then he remembered what he’d meant by bringing up Tizoc-tzin. “What I was—going to say is that we have to be careful. He already hates me, and with how paranoid he is—if he turns his attention towards you…”

“I’ll handle him.” Teomitl’s smile was brief and sharp. If he hadn’t chosen that moment to lay a hand on Acatl’s chest in a reassuring little pet, it might have made him nervous.

Well. More nervous. The part of his mind that always considered the consequences of his acts felt like a pot of water just about to boil, an unpleasant roiling mass of vows and politics and laws. There was no space for regrets—there would never be space for regrets, not with Teomitl in his arms and in his heart—but he was suddenly far too aware of what they risked. “And we have to be discreet.”

Teomitl hummed, voice taking on a teasing lilt. “So I shouldn’t cover you in gold and jade…?”

He felt himself flush. “Teomitl.”

His lover sighed, stroking his chest in a gentle, meaningless pattern. “I know you’re not one for luxuries. Don’t worry.”

He took a moment to imagine it—jade on his fingers, gold in his hair, beautiful slaves to attend his every whim. It made something squirm hot in his gut. Embarrassment, mostly. But hot on its heels came a surge of desire; yes, it was mortifying to picture himself being treated like a prince, but if Teomitl really wanted to spoil him...well. He wasn’t entirely sure he’d say no. “Nngh. If you—if you must give me gifts, do try and keep them practical.”

“I will.” Teomitl huffed. “We have enough to worry about without Tizoc wondering where half our treasury’s wandered off to—and yes, that was a joke, shush.”

My sister’s been a terrible influence on you, he thought fondly. Then he remembered their newest, greatest worry, and the warmth that had started to bubble up in his chest faded. Even though he still held Teomitl—a small furnace wrapped in sinewy muscle—he felt cold. “...The Smoking Mirror.”

Teomitl frowned thoughtfully. “Mm.”

The room around them was bright with sunlight and frescoes, but he saw none of it. His thoughts drifted back to that warehouse full of blood and carnage, and he swallowed through a throat that felt like ice. Because of me. He set that trap—tried to kill Teomitl—because of me. “I don’t think he’s done with us.”

“...No. We wouldn’t be that lucky.” He made a face. “So what do we do about it?”

Fear wanted to choke him, but he forced it back. His death was not upon him yet, and Teomitl was warm and alive in his arms. All else could be dealt with as it came. But he still struggled to find an answer, and it took a while before he responded. “I think...for now, the best thing to do is wait. The ritual I used—it severs the connection between a soul and any vessel in the Fifth World. Even for a god, it would take some time to come back from that. We’ve got a little space to prepare.”

Teomitl sighed. “If we’re fortunate, it will be another seven years until then.”

It was his turn to make an unhappy noise. “If. In the meantime, I think I’d best make an appointment to speak to Tezcatlipoca’s High Priest. He will know his god best.”

“Ah,” Teomitl said.

Acatl gradually became aware that Teomitl had probably heard that as a dismissal. And, on one hand, it would be prudent of him to make his farewells and leave now, in hopes of catching the man he meant to find as soon as possible. On the other hand, Teomitl was curled against him like he belonged there, and he’d always been weak to the way that he smiled. It was radiant as the dawn, warming him from the inside out, and he wanted to see it again.

One more kiss wouldn’t hurt. He’d stop by the temple of Tezcatlipoca later and see what Cozcatototl had to say.

He’d expected to make himself known to Tezcatlipoca’s Fire Priest, be politely turned away, and given a time to speak with the man that was more convenient for him. High Priest for the Dead he might be, but he was the son of peasants; Cozcatototl—the name meant “jewelled bird,” and he carried himself as arrogantly as one—was as nobly born as Quenami. No matter what his god had done, there was no reason to bestir himself on Acatl’s behalf.

And indeed, he had apparently picked a busy day; when he arrived at Tezcatlipoca’s temple, they were doing a fine impression of an overturned anthill. He waited by the gate, watching the chaos, and tried to regulate his breathing.

It was harder than he thought. The Smoking Mirror’s magic wasn’t especially inimical to his—no more than Huitzilpochtli’s or Tlaloc’s was, at any rate—but this was a god who’d decided to hate him personally, and some of that seething animosity was reflected in the gray-black magic that clung to His priests and temple. His chest was too tight; when he moved his head too quickly, black spots danced at the edges of his vision. He was sure he’d had a speech prepared—he’d thought it up during the walk from the Duality House, after taking his leave of Teomitl and Mihmatini—but he couldn’t quite remember what he was going to say.

He half wondered if retracing his steps might help, but that would require straying near the Duality House again. He wasn’t sure he quite trusted himself not to go right back inside. He and Teomitl had kissed until Teomitl’s eyelids had fluttered shut, until he’d breathed Go on, Acatl, you have work to do, and even though his lover was sleeping now it was a terrible temptation just to watch him. And Mihmatini…

His dear, beloved, favorite sister had clasped his hands in hers, beaming, and wished him luck. Right before telling him, so casually, that if he could deal with Teomitl’s sleeping habits he was a far stronger and more patient person than she was. He hadn’t stopped blushing until the entire Duality House compound was out of sight.

“Acatl-tzin?!”

Tezcatlipoca’s Fire Priest bustled up to him. Underneath the black stripes of his paint, the older man looked exhausted. Acatl couldn’t remember his name offhand, but he bowed and hoped that politeness would make up for his lapse of memory. “Good afternoon. I have somewhat pressing questions for your high priest.”

The man didn’t exactly wince, but he nevertheless managed to give the impression that Acatl had asked for something much more difficult than a meeting. “Ah. Wait—wait right here and I’ll fetch him, shall I?”

As he bustled off, Acatl leaned against the gatepost to wait. The stone that should have been warmed by the sun bit into his skin; the logical course would have been to remain upright, but in truth he was glad of the excuse to lean against something. Being with Teomitl, even when the man was recovering from such severe injuries, took an unexpected amount of energy. He wondered, briefly, what he would be like on the mat—and then he flushed, shaking his head as though that would clear out such thoughts, because this was absolutely not the right time or place for him to be imagining that. Focus. Southern Hummingbird blind me, am I so desperate for him that I can’t even focus on the safety of the Fifth World now that I have him?

He didn’t have much time to castigate himself. He’d barely had enough time to scuff some of the dust of the Sacred Precinct off his sandals before he made out Tezcatlipoca’s High Priest nearly running down the steps of the temple. The black and yellow stripes on his face didn’t quite hide the stress in his eyes; even when he slowed down to a stately pace and bowed to the precise degree necessary, his hands twitched as though he’d quite like to clench them into fists.

“Acatl-tzin.”

Acatl bowed back, keeping his eyes on him. “Cozcatototl-tzin. Might we speak privately?”

Was it his imagination, or did Cozacatototl flinch at that? “Of course.”

Then he was turning on his heel and striding off, and Acatl found himself hard-pressed to match his pace as he wove around his scurrying priests and led the way to a richly appointed meeting room. The murals depicted Tezcatlipoca in all His glory; He covered the walls as both the jaguar and the chilling night wind, tearing at the flesh of His sacrifices. The wall opposite the door was almost entirely taken up by a fresco of Him seated between His consorts, all four of His wives greeting Him as supplicants no matter that they were powerful goddesses in Their own rights. Acatl felt vaguely uncomfortable looking at it.

Not that he had much time to study it, because Cozcatototl was calling for refreshments and gesturing for him to be seated on a thick reed mat laid over a black ocelot pelt, so courtesy demanded he at least nod to his host. “Thank you.”

Cozcatototl definitely flinched at that. “It is the least I could do.”

As they sat, Acatl took a moment to study the man across from him. He was younger than him, with the sleek and well-fed look of a man who’d never gone hungry a day in his life. His hair had been matted with blood; amidst the tangles, he spotted the glint of gold and obsidian. Some priests of Tezcatlipoca slashed the backs of their own calves to imitate their patron’s limp; though he’d piously followed suit, he walked straight.

And he kept fidgeting, even when cold cups of maguey sap and a plate of roasted agave worms were set in front of them. It was a far cry from the snappish, offended young man that had insisted his priests had had nothing at all to do with the sorcerer’s knife.

At least the food was good. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was. It took a moment—and the accidental demolishing of half the plate—before he realized they’d been sitting in silence, and he still had no idea how to bring up what he’d came for. “Mm.”

Cozcatototl took a breath and braced his hands on his thighs. “Acatl-tzin. I…”

That didn’t sound like the prelude to what in the Fifth World do you want. He set down his cup and frowned. “Yes?”

“I wish to apologize.” It looked like the words actually pained him; if he hadn’t been so clearly striving for dignity, Acatl was sure he’d be wincing.

Well. That was unexpected. “For what?”

“For—“ He made a frustrated stabbing motion with his hand. “I’ve heard you once stopped my patron from taking His place as the Sixth Sun ahead of His proper time. He can be vindictive and easily angered, but I had no idea He would take your previous encounter with Him so personally!”

Acatl blinked at him. Of all the possible reactions Cozcatototl could have to the news of his patron god’s defeat, he hadn’t expected guilt. The world would be a better place if Acamapichtli reacted the same when I faced Tlaloc, he thought sourly. “You…”

He sucked in a hard breath. “If I’d thought of it, I could have warned you. I didn’t—it didn’t even occur to me until after I heard how your little expedition went.”

Blood and carnage painted itself across the inside of his mind, and he suppressed a shudder. No. I left Teomitl safe and sleeping. He is recovering perfectly well, and soon it will be as though he was never wounded at all. “So you know why I’m here.”

Cozcatototl sat back and—for once—met his eyes. “My inaction could have gotten you and the Master of the House of Darts killed. I’m prepared to make whatever restitution you desire.”

From the set of his jaw, Acatl knew he was serious. I’ve misjudged him. The thought sat uneasily in his gut, and so to cover it he shook his head. “The Smoking Mirror has decided to hold a grudge. I came to inquire as to the likelihood of immediate retaliation.”

His face twisted. “We’re trying to appease Him as quickly as possible. But after what you did—I will not ask for details, I don’t want to know—He is...angry.”

“I gathered that,” he said dryly.

“Did you?” Cozcatototl eyed him skeptically, for a moment back to the arrogant noble-born priest Acatl had first met. “Because I feel you may have underestimated His anger somewhat. When Lord Death rages, does He scream in your head?”

He blinked. “...Lord Death does not rage.”

“How fortunate for you.” Cozcatototl sighed. “The Smoking Mirror is wroth, Acatl-tzin. We are doing what we can, but I suggest you ward yourself and your loved ones as well as possible—especially those who have been touched by His rage before.”

There was something in the man’s tone that struck a chord of dread within him. No. There were no witnesses—Mihmatini wouldn’t let anything slip. But Cozcatototl was looking at him as though he knew, and something cold and hard slithered through his stomach. He kept his voice even and willed his hands to remain steady. “I—suppose the Breath of the Precious Twin is what you recommend, at the very least.” His own god would be of no help; Mictlantecuhtli was no protection against anything, unless you really didn’t want to have a pulse anymore.

He wasn’t surprised when the man nodded. “It wouldn’t hurt. Do that, and surround yourselves with light. This is not yet over.”

Great. By force of will, he managed not to grimace. “Thank you for your warning.”

And then he rose and went to follow Cozcatototl’s advice.

The Breath of the Precious Twin turned out to be the easiest part. Expensive—even the knowledge that his temple could afford it made him wince to hand over so many quetzal feathers and cotton cloaks—but still the easiest. Setting up additional wards, on the other hand, turned out to be a trial. The Duality House was probably the best-warded complex in Tenochtitlan, but he refused to cower in his sister’s home while he waited for the all-clear from Cozcatototl. The palace, only slightly less protected, was right out. Nothing so commonplace as a threat to his life would induce him to share a roof with the likes of Tizoc and Quenami. To his relief, nobody even suggested it.

That left his temple and his own house, both of which were...well. Nothing impregnated by so much of Mictlantecuhtli’s magic was much inclined to hold onto wards of any sort. They had to work in layers, and it was a long and arduous process. Mixcoatl was first, the blood of two wolves and a jaguar holding down copper-tinged shimmers of magic. It went well enough until one of them bit Ichtaca, laying his hand open to the bone. While he cursed viciously and bound it up, Acatl stepped forward to finish the ritual.

The ward tried to slip off.

I don’t think so.

He felt a bit like cursing himself, but applied himself to the words of the spell with renewed fervor. It took two repetitions, but eventually the magic stuck, and they had a scaffolding upon which to lay more. Xolotl was next; His spell, brief though it was, acted as a bridge for Quetzalcoatl’s clergy to do their work. They approached their rituals with a certain tinge of irritation he found oddly reassuring. At least he wasn’t the only one who objected to the Smoking Mirror’s ill-temper.

The priests of the Duality were the last to lend their strength, and Mihmatini led them. She was resplendent in her full regalia, the blue light of her magic rippling like water, and when it was finished she didn’t even stagger. Her priests looked mildly impressed; Acatl had to beat back a swell of absurd pride.

It took two days to finish all the rituals and clean up afterwards. When all the wards were in place—any more and they’d probably implode under their own weight—he found himself sharing a meal with Mihmatini and Teomitl in his courtyard. He knew not to look at the sky or the walls with his priest-senses; all the layered rituals overlapping would give him, at best, a terrible headache. He focused on his meal instead, acutely conscious of Teomitl by his side. He’d been cautious of taking the spot on the mat next to him, but then Teomitl had looked at him and his legs had folded almost automatically.

Mihmatini had the slightly unfocused look that said she was studying the wards with her own magical senses. She seemed to see something she approved of, because she nodded. “Alright, then.”

He recognized the signs of her gearing up for a fine rage—the furrowed brow, the narrowed eyes. He fought the well-honed urge to make himself as unobtrusive as possible in favor of taking another bite of his grilled frog. Teomitl’s fingers strayed lightly against his calf, and he felt his face go hot.

Finally, she set her own skewer down and took a breath. “Of course, the Smoking Mirror will one day take his place as the Sun. That’s how it should be. That’s what’s right.”

Teomitl lifted his head to study her. After a moment he commented, with the dry fondness of a man who lived with her every day, “I hear a ‘but’ in there.”

Another slow, deep breath. Acatl saw her fists clench until her knuckles turned pale. “But I swear to you, if it were possible to wring the neck of a god…”

Teomitl’s smile didn’t reach his eyes. “I think you’d have to get in line.”

Against all laws of common sense and basic self-preservation, and while Acatl for his own part was trying very, very hard not to list any of the hundreds of reasons why they shouldn’t be talking like this, Teomitl’s words made her smile. She reached across the mat to pat his hand. “You’d leave me something, wouldn’t you?”

He huffed. “Of course I would.”

Acatl opened his mouth to protest—one did not talk so casually of taking down the vessels of gods, even if it had been done before and especially not if doing it had nearly killed you—but then Teomitl gave his hand a squeeze and what actually came out was a strangled “Gnrkh.”

This smile was softly radiant, and Teomitl’s voice held no hesitation whatsoever. “I don’t take kindly to anyone wishing harm on the people I love. You know that.”

He found his voice somewhere. “Teomitl.” Even if Mihmatini knew, to have it spoken aloud—in front of her—was enough to make him turn crimson. She can’t really—I know she said she was alright with it, that we had her blessing, but—

But then Mihmatini looked between them with fierce eyes and said “Good,” and he felt some of the tension drain away.

The rest of the meal was quiet. He and Mihmatini were drained from the spells they’d been casting, and he wasn’t really up to much conversation; Teomitl had indeed made a full recovery from his wounds with only some impressive new scars to show for it, but he ate with singleminded focus. Once or twice Acatl lifted his head to catch a sideways glance, only for him to quickly look away.

It wasn’t until Mihmatini left, claiming exhaustion, that Teomitl spoke up again. “Acatl?”

He was suddenly very aware that they were alone in his courtyard, that Teomitl was still just barely touching him. The night breeze stirring his hair reminded him viscerally of what it had felt like to have Teomitl’s hands in it. He swallowed, mouth dry; when he licked his lips, he saw Teomitl’s gaze dart towards the movement. “Yes?”

Teomitl drew in a long breath and very carefully did not look at him. It was hard to see in the flickering torchlight, but he thought he was blushing. “Do you want...should I…?”

His face burned, but he took Teomitl’s hand. “Stay with me.” I don’t want to be alone tonight. Not when I could spend it in your arms.

Teomitl nodded a little jerkily—he’s shy, Acatl realized, and bit back a smile at the thought that at least it made two of them—but when they made to rise he sprang to his feet. They stood together for a moment, and Acatl had just enough time to hope he wasn’t somehow going about this the wrong way—

And then he was being kissed, hot and hungry. It was like they’d been separated for months instead of mere days; Teomitl grabbed his hips, pulling him in, and when he caught his lower lip gently between his teeth Acatl let out an entirely involuntary moan.

“Gods, I missed you—“ Their lips were still barely touching, and Teomitl cut himself off with another kiss. The part of Acatl’s brain still capable of rational thought wondered if he, too, wanted to make up for lost time—but then that mouth left his and started to explore his throat, mapping out a sensitive spot just under his jaw, and the sizzling shock of pleasure that sent through him was a reminder that he wanted more.

He dug his fingers into Teomitl’s hair, pulling his head up. His lover’s eyes were wide and dark. “Inside,” he managed, and got another of those jerky nods in response.

They all but stumbled through the entrance curtain to the room where Acatl slept—there was a discordant jangle of bells, but he ignored it. Touching Teomitl was more important. Even their thin cloaks were entirely too much fabric separating him from bare skin; when he went for the knot holding Teomitl’s closed, he was rewarded with a breathless “Thank the gods, I wasn’t sure if you…”

“You didn’t think I’d want to do this?” This was smoothing a hand down the ridges of Teomitl’s spine; this was lowering his mouth to Teomitl’s throat to see whether the spot that had made his nerves sing would have the same effect on his lover. It pulled an intoxicating moan from him, vibrating against Acatl’s lips, and he trembled in return at the surge of desire through his own veins. Experimentally, he scraped his teeth over that same spot and was rewarded with a full-body jolt that pressed their hips together.

Oh. Teomitl was hard already, and the realization made him have to pull back just far enough to breathe. His own blood was racing through his veins straight to his cock, and for a moment he couldn’t think past how much he wanted him.

“I didn’t want to get my hopes up.” Teomitl’s voice was ragged as he tore at the knot of Acatl’s cloak, sending it cascading to the floor. Then his hands were on Acatl’s shoulders, pressing him back and down, and they fell to the mat together.

And this was new, this was important, and he was suddenly intensely glad he’d followed Cozcatototl’s advice and lit every torch in his possession, because now he could see. Teomitl was all lean muscle and movement, roaming hands sliding over his skin as though he was determined to map every inch by feel. Scars caught the light, and he had a second to think wistfully I want to touch them before he remembered that he could.

So he did. The newest ones first, rough raised lines where the Smoking Mirror’s claws had laid his chest open, and the first brush of his fingers on skin made Teomitl shiver. These could have killed you.

Something in his face must have showed his thoughts, because Teomitl caught his wrist lightly. Slowly, not breaking eye contact, he brought Acatl’s hand up and pressed a kiss to his palm.

Acatl drew in a long breath. When Teomitl let his hand go, he curled his fingers lightly against soft skin for a moment before tracing down his jaw, over the side of his neck—and then, remembering what had gotten a reaction last time, he drew his nails down slowly over the skin. Teomitl swallowed, eyes sliding shut, and breathed his name.

Then he lunged forward to capture his mouth again. Acatl’s back hit the mat with a thump, but he barely noticed; the much more important thing was that Teomitl’s fingers were scrabbling through his hair until they untied the cord holding it back, that his free hand was sliding up the flat plane of his stomach, that when Acatl dug his fingers into the meat of his back it got an appreciative groan and a roll of his hips that left no question how much he was enjoying it.

He was viscerally aware of the heat bracketed between his thighs. All instinct said to wrap his legs around Teomitl’s waist and pull him closer, closer, but he made himself speak instead. “Nn—Teomitl.” Teomitl was mouthing wickedly down the side of his neck, and he bucked helplessly before remembering himself. “What do you want? Tonight?”

Teomitl drew back, eyes heated. He’d wrapped a lock of Acatl’s hair around his fist as though that would hold him in place, and the thought thrilled him. “You.”

He took one breath. Another. He thought fleetingly of all the times he’d dreamed of this—of Teomitl above him, looking down at him so hungrily, of the insistent press of their bodies together. Of how it would feel to have Teomitl inside him. “You can have me.”

“Oh gods.” It came out in a groan.

He must want this as badly as I do. It was a thought that was borne out as truth a moment later, when Teomitl’s hand slid down over his stomach and lower, to palm the bulge in his loincloth. The shock of it made him writhe, but Teomitl didn’t tease for long. He gave him a firm squeeze, and Acatl arched with a gasp. “Ah—“

“You sound so sweet.” His fingers rippled; when Acatl bucked, seeking more friction, he released his hold on his hair to grab for his hip instead, holding him in place. The look in his eyes was pure hunger. “Even better than I imagined.”

Acatl’s mouth went dry. “And how much have you imagined?”

“Everything.”

With that, nothing could have kept his hands from Teomitl’s skin. He flattened both palms against his back, feeling hard muscle ripple as Teomitl shivered, and ran a long and deliberate stroke all the way down his spine to settle at his hips. Teomitl went eagerly, rocking himself forward in a way that sent him rubbing up against Acatl’s cock and his own fingers; the coiling heat in his gut made him groan, and for a moment he thought Gods, I could get off from this alone, but then he remembered the heat in Teomitl’s voice and made himself still, trembling with anticipation, as Teomitl’s fingers went for the knot of his loincloth.

When he hesitated, Acatl wanted to strangle him. “Have you ever…?”

His blood was roaring so loudly in his veins that it was a miracle he could even hear himself speak. “You know I haven’t. And if you ask me if I’m sure, I swear—“

“I wasn’t going to.” There was a brief flicker of a smile, something with too many teeth to be called careless. “But if you want me to fuck you, we need oil or something and I didn’t bring any. I wasn’t expecting to be hauled onto your mat tonight.”

Biting back a spike of irritation, he propped himself up on one elbow only to realize he couldn’t possibly reach the wicker chest with its gourd of oil from this angle. I might have planned this better. “Over there.”

Teomitl’s smirk was wicked, but he was mercifully silent as he retrieved the oil and settled back between Acatl’s thighs. But then he was undoing his loincloth, and the silence took on a different flavor as his gaze slid over his hard cock. Acatl watched, face burning, as he licked his lips. “Oh.” His voice was rough, and Acatl realized with a hard jolt that he liked what he saw.

I’m not that impressive, he wanted to say. But Teomitl was shedding his own loincloth, and all words were failing him. Of course he’d imagined Teomitl naked—had spent a considerable amount of time imagining it, in fact—but the reality exceeded his most fevered dreams. Teomitl’s cock was a glory, flushed and dark and a little bit curved, maybe a little bit larger than his, and suddenly he was desperate to know how it would feel inside him.

He must have made a noise, because Teomitl locked eyes with him even as a hand slid up his thigh. “If there’s truth to the idea that your virginity grants you any magical protection—“

“There is not.” He drew a breath and mentally consigned whoever had come up with that rumor to the lowest, most agonizing depths of Mictlan. “And if there was, I can’t say that I’d care.” If either of us could die tomorrow—well. I’ll die having known this, and be happy.

For a moment, Teomitl looked surprised—but then he grinned, hot and bright, and uncorked the gourd to pour a generous helping of oil over his fingers. It dripped onto the floor and over Acatl’s sensitive flesh; when he trembled, Teomitl soothed him with a slow pet to his inner thigh. “Relax for me. I don’t want to hurt you.”

I don’t mind if it hurts, he thought, but then Teomitl was sliding a finger in and he found himself unable to voice it. It was entirely different from this angle, had been so long since he’d even done it for himself that at first his body wasn’t sure if it approved—and then Teomitl’s finger curled against that spot that made him see stars, and he groaned. “I—nnh.”

“Was that good?” Teomitl paused infuriatingly, head tilted, but the question was clearly rhetorical because when Acatl rocked his hips he did it again, sending another spark up his spine.

He sucked in a hard breath. “Yes, gods, keep going—“ Teomitl didn’t need the encouragement; he grabbed Acatl’s knee to keep his legs spread, leaning over him, and worked his way in deeper. He wasn’t close enough to kiss, and that was a travesty, but when Acatl set a hand on the back of his neck and squeezed, the hitched moan that escaped was sweeter.

Gods, and like this he could feel the way Teomitl’s breathing shifted. “More?”

“Ah, please…” Teomitl didn’t make him wait, and he was grateful for that; a second finger slid in along the first, and now it was starting to be a proper stretch and he arched helplessly into it, all of his prior embarrassment gone in favor of chasing the building heat licking up his spine. He knew he was making desperate little noises with each thrust, but he didn’t care.

Teomitl rocked against him, grinding their cocks together. “Duality, I wish you could see yourself right now. You’re beautiful.”

“Baseless—hah—flattery—gods, don’t tease…” Because it was teasing; he knew he could come from this, and Teomitl had to know that too, and yet the slick slide of his fingers stayed just on one side of not enough. He bucked his hips and the pace didn’t alter at all.

Teomitl’s eyes narrowed appraisingly. “You think you’re ready for me?”

At any other time he might have been offended. Now, any such feeling was effectively drowned out by the need coursing through him. He spread his legs wider, arching to put himself on display. “Past ready.”

Teomitl shifted onto his knees to guide himself in, tension in every line of his body when he breached that ring of muscle. The first thrust had him halfway in; the second had him hilted, flush against Acatl’s hips, and for a moment he braced himself on the mat with his eyes squeezed shut. “Ah…”

Acatl trembled around him. “Don’t.” He’d never felt so full in his life; Teomitl was hot and hard in him, and he needed more like he needed to breathe. He was exquisitely conscious of each small shift of his cock. “Don’t be careful with me.”

Teomitl nodded. Drew his hips back.

And slammed back in hard.

“Oh, fuck.” The words were all but torn out of him; Teomitl was setting a ruthless pace, and there was no time for him to adjust. He didn’t want to adjust; all he wanted, all he needed, was to meet each thrust with a buck of his own hips. For all that, it took a moment until they established a rhythm that did more than frustrate him; it was only when Teomitl ground his hips forward in a rough circle that the stray sparks flashing through him coalesced into a blaze.

It was almost too much; he needed to do something to relieve the building pressure. When he clawed roughly down Teomitl’s back, his lover shuddered and fucked into him harder. “Gods—gods, you feel—ah!” His voice cracked as Acatl squeezed around him, and when Acatl buried a hand in his hair and yanked him down to take a bruising kiss he made an incoherent noise into it. “Mm...”

And he kept moving. Acatl had a fleeting half-thought that Teomitl fucked like the warrior he was, all steady discipline—but he was holding back. He was holding back, and Acatl could feel it in the tension of his back muscles, in the way he clawed at the mat below them instead of Acatl’s hair. Acatl was done with restraint. “Harder,” he panted between each savage thrust. “I want—nngh, I want to feel you tomorrow.”

Teomitl sucked in a noisy breath. “Make sure you feel it for a week—“ He moved to hike Acatl’s leg up over his shoulder, changing the angle, and Acatl’s whole body jolted on his next thrust.

“Ah!” His mind was blank; as Teomitl pounded into him, each push inward striking that spot that made him writhe and buck his hips for more, he became a thing of pure sensation. There was the mat under him, sticking to his sweat-damp skin; there was Teomitl’s hand finally grabbing a fistful of his hair and keening when Acatl did the same to him; there was the stretch of his thigh muscles and the impossible way he molded to fit Teomitl’s cock. He was so close he could almost cry. More—just a little more—

And then Teomitl was wrapping a hand around his cock and pumping him firmly, and he came so hard his legs shook. All else ceased to matter; there was only this bright, blinding ecstasy, only Teomitl snarling in triumph as he flung his head back with an incoherent sob and spilled himself all over their stomachs.

When the aftershocks faded, he realized Teomitl was still hard and making as if to pull out; before he could, Acatl grabbed for his hips to pull him closer. “Don’t stop, don’t you dare stop.” In the face of his earthshattering orgasm, he knew it would overwhelm him. The thought only brought a bone-deep satisfaction. For once in my life—I want to be overwhelmed. “You said you’d make me feel it, didn’t you?!”

Teomitl bore down on him, teeth bared. He looked almost feral, which probably shouldn’t have thrilled him so much. “I’ll give you—what you want—“ Each thrust jolted already-overstimulated nerves, made him shudder and whine in a way that might have been deeply humiliating if he’d been able to think that far. But then Teomitl was coming with an inarticulate cry that might have been his name, and—

Duality, he could feel Teomitl’s cock pulse as he spent inside him. He let his legs fall open with a shaky moan, heart hammering away as he caught his breath. It seemed as though he should say something, but the only words that came to mind were varyingly obscene. Even when Teomitl finally pulled out with a sigh, all he could manage was a hitched breath.

It wasn’t until Teomitl was cleaning them up with the aid of a spare rag that he managed to make a sound. “Mm...”

His lover curled up against him, letting Acatl lay his head on his arm. He was still gloriously naked, but Acatl was too tired to appreciate the sight. When he finally broke the easy silence, the teasing edge of his voice was reflected in his eyes. “I hope nothing comes for us in the night. I think you wore me out.”

He tucked his burning face into Teomitl’s shoulder, which was no help whatsoever. As promised, he could still feel how hard he’d been fucked—and it was absurd to think he’d exhaust a trained warrior. “Teomitl.”

“You did!” Teomitl did a very good job of acting innocently outraged that Acatl would disbelieve him, but the note of suppressed amusement in his voice rang through clearly anyway.

It filled his chest with a ridiculous bubble of joy. This is the man I love. “And here I thought you would have a warrior’s stamina,” he huffed, and poked Teomitl’s side to show he didn’t mean it.

It must have worked, because his lover chuckled and nuzzled at his hair. “...I could be persuaded to another round.”

He felt himself flush. “I might need a moment.”

“Mm.” Teomitl’s smile was all sweetness. “Rest. I’ll be here.”

He closed his eyes. A moment’s rest sounded like a wonderful idea.

He woke to the distinct, horrible feeling of the wards snapping. No, not snapping—parting, like a hole in gauzy cotton, to let in what they had been made to stop. It made him nauseous, and when he sat up too quickly his head spun. He barely even noticed the lingering ache in his muscles.

“Something’s coming.” Teomitl was dressed already, tying his sandals one-handed and looking around for anything that would serve as a weapon. By the expression on his face, he was regretting not bringing his sword.

“I know.” He let his fingers rest on the floor for a moment, feeling the faint tinge of underworld magic that had long since permeated his home. It helped a little. Not much—he could still sense the twisting wrongness, the dancing vertigo at the edges of his sight—but a little. It was much darker outside than it had been.

Moving quickly and quietly, he dressed himself and crossed the room to where he kept his favorite knives. He wished he had a sword—or better yet a spear, for the reach it would afford—but knives would do. Three for him and the last two for Teomitl, who accepted them with a nod and a faint wince as he gripped their handles. They threw up faint sparks where they met Huitzilpochtli’s protective magic, but his lover didn’t so much as flinch.

Darker than the shadows cast by the flickering torches, something was moving. Teomitl murmured, “Is that—“ but Acatl held up a hand for silence; any second’s worth of preparation they had was valuable.

He slashed his earlobes and mouthed the words of a spell—not for protection, but to wrap the chill of the grave around his limbs. It was a sickening sensation, turning his skin loose and his bones heavy, leaching all the warmth from the air, but anything that touched him would at least be given pause.

It was all he had time for before the creature slipped into the room.

He supposed it had once been an ashen jaguar. Now it was blurred, almost insubstantial, and he could see the courtyard through its body—but its claws and fangs were razor-sharp obsidian, and those were entirely solid. And it was growling, a low rumble he could feel through the soles of his feet.

Teomitl lunged to meet it. For a moment Acatl thought he’d struck home, but then the jaguar flowed around his blades like smoke and reformed—no. It wasn’t reforming. It had split in half, and now there were two slightly smaller ones.

And the new one was bearing down on him. He met it with a slash of his knives, aiming for its throat, but its momentum carried it under his guard and the strike went wide of his target. Then there was an impact, and a burst of freezing wind threw him off his feet and into the wall. Something cracked, and through the blinding pain he prayed it wasn’t his skull.

I need to get up. I need to… But his body wouldn’t obey him, and all he could manage was a clumsy strike to where he desperately hoped its paw was. His blade passed through the smoke of its body, and the claws raked at his arm. He braced himself for pain—

It didn’t come.

Between one blink and the next, light flooded the room. Teomitl. He’d taken wounds, but as the first jaguar sprang at him he dropped to one knee and let slip his hold on Huitzilpochtli’s magic. By itself it might not have done much, but enough torches were still smoldering in their holders for the magic to feed on, and it eagerly amplified and looped back upon itself. For a moment Teomitl was flat on the ground and outlined in light with a jaguar trying to bite his face off, but then the baking heat of the sun flung it off him and sent it rolling head over tail. The one menacing Acatl froze, cowering, and Acatl heaved himself up for another try at its throat or the soft underside of its jaw.

The jaguar Teomitl had been facing made a noise. It took Acatl a horrified moment to realize that it was trying to speak. “...hhhyouuu…”

Teomitl pushed himself upright, blood streaming down his arm. Even wounded, he could not have looked more like an Emperor if he’d been wearing the Turquoise-and-Gold Crown; magic played over his skin like sunlight through water, and even his blood shimmered. “Silence.”

“You...my reign...”

His face was a mask of fury, eyes glazed over with gold. “How many times must we teach you to stay where you ought to be?”

And then he struck, and the light dripping down over his knives cleaved the head from its body. As both parts dissolved into mist, another step brought him to the one still frozen within range of Acatl. One more strike put an end to that one too.

Acatl made another try at gaining his feet. This time he made it to his knees, but Teomitl was suddenly by his side with a concerned hand at his shoulder, and he sank back down with a groan as the world spun. His head was a point of vicious agony, but it didn’t feel broken. I hope. Duality preserve me.

Huitzilpochtli’s magic had faded from Teomitl’s skin, but his hands were still wonderfully warm as they ran over his skull to check for injuries. “Acatl!”

“I’m.” He blinked. His vision blurred. “I’ll be alright. I think.”

“Don’t move.” Teomitl tilted his head up, frowning as their eyes met. “You might have a concussion. I’ll fetch—“ He cut himself off at the sound of footsteps, head swiveling towards the entrance curtain.

Oh, no. Acatl spared a moment to be thankful that they’d had enough warning to dress; true, neither of them were wearing cloaks, but surely it wasn’t too strange for Teomitl to spend the night at his brother-in-law’s house. They could come up with some explanation for this. No matter that he’d never been a very good liar; he could learn. He’d have to.

Then he saw who’d come to examine the damage to the wards, and he knew they were doomed.

“Ah,” Ichtaca said. “This explains a lot.”

...What? Teomitl’s expression was briefly a mirror of his own, but when Ichtaca asked him for an explanation of what had happened to the wards—no mention of why Teomitl was there, no mention of the marks on their throats or the scratches down Teomitl’s back—it settled into the severe calm of a warrior reporting to his commander. Yes, Tezcatlipoca’s creatures had attacked. Yes, they had dealt with them. No, neither of them seemed to be seriously injured but Acatl-tzin had a head wound that needed to be looked at.

It seemed to take no time at all to summon a priest of Patecatl, who arrived with a caged lizard and a bag of herbs to treat their wounds. Teomitl’s were easy, but then the priest was checking Acatl’s eyes and asking a few pointed questions before pronouncing a clear concussion, “And it was a good thing you summoned us, Teomitl-tzin.” He sighed down at Acatl. “Acatl-tzin, must we really keep meeting like this?”

It’s not as though I tried to get a concussion. But when he tried to speak the words, his tongue didn’t quite obey him.

The priest bowed to them both. “Wake him up every hour or so, Teomitl-tzin.”

“I will.” Teomitl didn’t smile, but when they were finally alone again, he took Acatl’s hand and twined their fingers together. In a voice so soft he almost didn’t hear it, his lover murmured, “I’ll protect you.”

I know you will. He drifted off.

Apparently, it had been the fault of the breeze. While he and Teomitl had been...occupied, the night wind had snuffed enough torches to allow passage to the weakest of Tezcatlipoca’s creatures. Such were the words of the priestess of Quetzalcoatl who ran up the steps of his temple the next morning, at any rate, bowing and apologizing profusely for not accounting for the weather.

“It’s hardly your fault, Tochton-tzin,” he said, and meant it.

She blushed, stammered something that he was sure was another apology, and retreated. He didn’t have long to savor his newfound return to the peace and quiet of the temple accounts, however; barely half an hour later, Ichtaca announced that the high priest of Tezcatlipoca wanted to see him, and he sighed as the man parted the curtain. The headache he thought he’d gotten rid of was trying very hard to come back.

“Acatl-tzin!”

There was dried blood under Cozcatototl’s fingernails; fresh wounds striped his shins and forearms. Acatl wondered what else he’d sacrificed. “What do you have for me?”

“Good news.” His smile was tired, but it reached his eyes. “The Smoking Mirror pronounces himself well satisfied with our obeisance. I don’t think he’ll be a problem for you anymore.”

He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “Good. That’s—good.”

Cozcatototl cast a glance over the spread-out accounts around him. There was a brief, sympathetic wince—one high priest to another. “I’ll leave you to your work.”

That left him with Ichtaca, and now that they were alone together the atmosphere was almost too awkward for words. He waited uneasily for Ichtaca to break the silence, but all he did was carefully adjust the loose sheets of their accounts so that they were stacked evenly.

Finally, it was too much for him. “About last night.”

“Is there something about last night that should concern me, Acatl-tzin? Something related to the future of this temple?” Ichtaca looked up, fixing him with a searching gaze. “Unless we are due for some...unwanted Imperial attention, I don’t think there is.”

His face burned. “Ah. No—no, there isn’t. The temple is safe.” The absurd image of the temple sheathed in gold popped into his head, and he bit back an inappropriate smile before Ichtaca could question it. Teomitl probably would, if I didn’t stop him.

When he was finally alone—properly alone—he took a deep breath and rolled his shoulders back. It was time to tell Teomitl the good news.

Of course, actually finding him wasn’t nearly so straightforward. He stopped by the Duality House first; after last night’s unexpected combat, Mihmatini had been apprised of the situation and needed to know they were reasonably safe again. As grateful as she was for the news—and as worried as she was about his health, making him sit and eat something before she let him go—she was less help in figuring out where her husband had gone off to. Acatl eventually tracked him down in his courtyard in the palace, eating lunch and glaring at a codex listing the tribute from one of their vassal cities.

He cleared his throat. “Teomitl?”

“Acatl!” His face lit up, all worries set aside with the carelessly discarded codex. “How are you feeling?”

He debated an edited version of the truth before deciding honesty would serve him better. “...A slight headache. Nothing serious.”

“Oh, good.” His fingers twitched as though he wanted to reach for him, but he visibly pulled himself back. In a softer voice, he added, “I missed you.”

Right. They didn’t dare touch here, not with eyes and ears everywhere. Even though he ached with the desire to wrap his arms around him, it would be suicide. And so he responded, in a voice just as soft, “I missed you too. I came to tell you that I had a visit from Cozcatototl-tzin.” At Teomitl’s blank look, he elaborated, “The high priest of Tezcatlipoca. He says he’s managed to propitiate his patron, and so we should be safe.”

“...So it’s over?”

“I think so,” he murmured. “For now.”

Teomitl bit his lip, casting his gaze to the floor. “And...Ichtaca.”

He blushed, and had to swallow before he could find the words—first to figure out what to say, and second to figure out how to say it in the event any spies overheard. “He is...only worried about the safety of our temple and our clergy. He has no other concerns.”

Teomitl visibly relaxed, swaying towards him. Again he looked for a moment as though he wanted to touch, but then he straightened up and smiled. “Have you eaten yet?”

“I did, but,”—but Teomitl looked mildly crestfallen, and that wouldn’t do—“but I could use a walk to remind myself that my legs still work, I was going over accounts all morning. Come with me?”

“Of course.”

Teomitl seemed thoughtful as they walked, but—by the grace of the Duality—he waited until they were well clear of the palace to lean over and growl, “If your legs still work, I must not have satisfied you properly last night.”

He froze midstride, hearing himself make a noise like a tortured parrot. “I—you—“ He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that his face was bright red, and could only pray that nobody had noticed his reaction. The Sacred Precinct was always crowded, but there was anonymity in a crowd where everyone was intent on their own lives. When he regained control of his limbs, he stormed ahead without looking back. To say such things in public—I cannot believe…

Teomitl kept pace easily. They didn’t quite touch, but when his fingers hooked into a fold of Acatl’s robe, it arrested his stride. His voice stayed low, a purr meant for his ears only. “If you’re truly offended, you could pay me back in kind.”

The thought of it—of pinning Teomitl down, giving as good as he’d got—sent a rush of heat through him, and he grabbed Teomitl’s arm to haul him close. “You.” His voice shook. “You are a menace, bringing that up here—“ Teomitl flushed, looking like he was about to apologize, but Acatl didn’t give him the chance. Before he could change his mind, he added, “Come home with me.”

Teomitl’s grin was radiant. Wicked—oh, he knew that edge to it now—but radiant. “I’d love to.”

They went.

#acatl #teomitl #teocatl #obsidian and blood #ichtaca #tezcatlipoca: obsblood #not work safe

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moneypedia · 4 years

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March 27, 2017 By Drew Shepherd

So this post is obviously about depression, but since this is the first one here, I guess I should start by asking, “What is Hunger for Excellence?”

I see it as a tool to build people up. It’s an outlet for me to use what I’ve learned over the years to help others.

I want them to develop a mindset that finds the good in any situation. And I want them to experience the joy I have now without wandering through what I did for years.

That’s why this site exists.

Everything here is for the benefit of others, but in my mind I’m only writing for one person.

I’m writing for “myself”.

Not me personally, but for that one person who’s still where I was in the past. I strive to be the person now that I needed then.

Depression is an experience that’s still fresh in my memory, but now I can say without a doubt that I did more than beat depression…

I conquered it. It’s finished. It’s over.

You may be in the same position I was in back then, and I believe it’s my duty to show you how I defeated this attack on the mind.

So I’ve split this post into two parts with Part 1 telling my personal story, and Part 2 showing a guide that helped me turn it all around.

Now I know you don’t want to listen to someone who has no idea what you’re going through, but I promise, I’ve been there, and I discovered peace that most people can’t begin to understand.

My Story

Today I’m happy to say that I enjoy life. I’m in control of my mental state and I understand how to find real peace and happiness. The only person who can destroy my outlook now is myself, and I refuse to let that happen.

It hasn’t always been this way, though. I used to be one weak kid.

I grew up as an only child in a loving family. And despite my goofy personality, everyone I knew liked me.

I was a promising student and a better than average basketball player. So nothing to complain about really. I was good at everything I did then because, well, I always had been.

But that all changed around high school.

Basketball was getting serious and people on all sides pretty much forced me to transfer schools. So being the naïve kid I was, I left and hoped for the best.

It wasn’t a decision I wanted to make, but it made sense. Opportunities were everywhere. Not just in athletics but as a student too.

I could have a fresh start with a new team, there were plenty of people to meet, and the new school was on the popular side of town.

The problem was, I didn’t have a mindset close to what I needed to make that change. I thought I was entitled to any form of success. And why not? Everything I touched turned to gold before then.

I was paralyzed when I saw things wouldn’t be so easy. All I could think about on the court was keeping up with the new guys. I remember practices where my hands were literally shaking because I felt so much pressure to perform.

This lack of confidence led to a quick loss of my teammates’ respect. And I was even denied my favorite jersey number, 22.

My fear sabotaged any attempt I made to improve. Couple that with the knee injuries I sustained during the year, and it’s easy to see why I was cut after one mediocre season.

It was the first time I had ever been dropped from a roster, and that drove everything else downhill.

But the worst part about it was, I wanted to be cut.

By then I just didn’t care. A game I loved became a chore to me and I hated every minute of it.

I wish I could say I tried my hardest and failed. I wish I could say I was sad when I didn’t see my name on that list.

But I can’t. And that still hurts the most.

Downhill

If you’ve ever been robbed, you know how vulnerable it makes you feel afterwards. The fact that someone entered your place and took what you worked for makes you feel helpless.

Well I let fear rob me of what I had loved since childhood, and I was stuck in a place where I didn’t belong afterwards.

It was all embarrassing.

It changed the way I viewed myself and I didn’t look others in the eyes anymore. People looked in my direction and it was like they saw right through me.

I became a very cynical person around that time—definitely not someone you wanted to be around. The few friends I had back then picked up on it and of course they turned away.

Watching friends turn their backs on me led to bitterness on my end, but with the way I was acting, I don’t know how anyone could have tolerated me.

I second-guessed my interactions with everyone. Why wouldn’t others see me as a failure if that was how I viewed myself?

My attitude led me to believe that no one could relate to me. And being one of the few, if not the only black kid in my classes confirmed that belief in my mind.

But even the high grades I always earned started to slip. I went from being an overachiever in the classroom to just being good enough to keep my parents off my back.

And with the teenage hormones on top of that, I lost all confidence. Classmates asked me how the chemo was going to treat the “tumors” I couldn’t control, and that nearly broke me.

I told my parents about all this so they would understand why I was falling apart. But they only gave the “just be yourself”, “be friendly to others”, “it’ll just work out” advice you get from well-meaning people. Besides, kids from Christian families weren’t supposed to deal with this kinda stuff.

All of that frustration took its toll on me, and I remember looking in the mirror to see my own scowl in the reflection.

But soon my eyes dulled and a blank gaze replaced the grimace that was there before. And I stopped caring about everything.

Escape

Since I didn’t know how to cope with any of this, I tried to escape. I was smart enough to avoid alcohol and drugs back then, but I had to find something.

Food was one source I used to fill my void. I ate any and everything, whenever I wanted, and soon I was unrecognizable after gaining 40 pounds.

Videogames were the other route I took. I enjoy playing them now in the rare chance I have free time, but back then it was go to school, eat, and play games.

Gaming was one activity I was still good at, and people appreciated me when it was time to play. It was one area where I didn’t feel useless—like I actually had something to offer.

But soon it got to the point where I was playing till early morning every day. My eyelids barely opened in class but it didn’t matter to me. The hint of joy I got from playing outweighed everything else.

But my mind wasn’t satisfied with those forms of escape.

Some of the lowest points I remember were on the drives home from school. I saw cars in the other lane driving towards me and the thought of “what if…” kept popping up.

I even imagined what my funeral would be like. And I smirked and teared up at the thought of my parents sitting alone in the empty pews.

But while I never seriously considered suicide, I still couldn’t stop the thoughts. I just knew I needed a way out.

That’s why I started counting the days till graduation. My environment had to be the cause of all this. It couldn’t have been me.

Enough

Graduation came and went, and guess what? Nothing changed.

If anything my first few years in college left me more isolated. My parents weren’t around anymore and plenty of new strangers saw how lonely I really was. I would hear chuckles in class and I always thought people were taunting me.

The transition to college coursework didn’t help either. I had never felt that…dumb before. I lost any trace of being a great student and I was in danger of losing my biggest scholarship.

My list of failures kept growing and growing. My high school experience was a disaster. I couldn’t make or keep any friends. And now there was a good chance that I would need thousands of more dollars to stay in school.

That was when I had enough.

I hated the mess I was in. I knew that if I lost that scholarship, my fall from wherever I was at before would have been complete.

Basketball, high school, former friends, I knew none of that mattered anymore but I was still hurting. I just wanted to enjoy my last years before the “real world”, and yet I couldn’t.

I knew I needed to change but I didn’t know how.

Comeback

So what did I do next?

I did the same thing I’d advise you to do if you’re ready to change.

I made a decision. A decision to commit to excellence. I wanted to do better in every part of my life.

So I chose to:

Embrace my faith

Craft an undeniable work ethic

Get in the best shape of my life

And love others but not be devastated if I was alone

I was sick of the life I was living. I didn’t know how to turn it around but I knew I had to stop accepting it.

And that decision was what led to change within the next few years:

My grades shot up to the top of the class

I lost those 40 pounds and got into better shape than my playing days

I formed satisfying relationships that I never thought I would see again

But most importantly, I found peace that others couldn’t begin to understand.

“Well that sounds great Drew, but how could you possibly help me?

Weren’t you just a loser in school? You didn’t get fired from your job. You didn’t lose one of your loved ones. Your family wasn’t torn apart by divorce…”

You’re right. None of that happened to me.

I was just a kid who let a few disappointments grow into a lingering depression. But I told my story to relate to how you may feel, not to have a woe-is-me pity party where we see who’s lived the worst life.

It’s okay to be disappointed. Things won’t always go your way. But you can’t let a temporary defeat turn into permanent failure like I did.

I wasted 4 years of my youth being an empty shell because of that mistake. And that’s no way to live life.

Make Your Choice

Again, this all comes down to what you choose.

If you don’t want to work to change your situation, and all you want to do is complain and hope it magically ends…

Then I can’t help you. No one can.

But…

If you’re done living like this, and you’ve committed to making a change…

Part 2 is for you.

You’re ready to turn things around, and I won’t get in your way.

-Drew

#suicide

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raijinhasverybigpecs · 4 years

Text

THE RE-UP: Tu’er Shen, the Leveret Spirit 🐇

“While other gods may proclaim endlessly over the power they have over their domains, causing no end of trouble for their fellow pantheon members and their followers as a result, Tu’er Shen patiently and quietly tends to those who request his services with unmatched loyalty and dedication.”

Name: Tu’er Shen, the Leveret Spirit

Pantheon: Chinese, Minor Diety

Class: Hunter/Healer Hybrid, Medium Difficulty

Positives: Healer, High Movement

Negatives: Hybrid Specialisations

please click on the read more for everything else lol

appearance details 🐇

old (above) vs new (below)

so perhaps i made him a bara rabbit after all lmao. blame the new outfit and how much better it’d look if tu’er shen has big ol bitties to work with :^) it’s still the same hair as the ears work really well with that colour but the basically the whole face has changed to be a lil more Dramatic(tm). the makeup skills have also improved with new tu’er shen rocking more subtle eyeliner alongside some very pretty and shiny pink liner. the eyes are also another major change, they’re a pretty grey as it goes nice with his hair. i still love the idea of his eyes changing colour according to his mood and grey is just a neutral mood :^) anyways, yes he looks beautiful, yes you can compliment him!

outfit details 🐇

tu’er shen now has an in-game outfit!! yay 🥳 it’s been a while coming mostly bc i have no art or visual character design skills but i’m pretty proud of how this turned out lol. it’s super cute and p goddamn chinese if i say so myself but it’s still very hoe and feels modern enough to fit smite’s standards i feel lol. big thanks to @izahunny (who is dead on that blog but a clown on twitter) for helping me with designing the outfit, the back layers and lil extra dress fabric for the front bottom left corner of the dress were his idea and they make everything much more balanced 🥰 i didn’t add a weapon but he’s just using a bow, i might update this later if i care enough to add that lmao

abilities 🐇

(please note that i am terrible with stats and don’t care about how viable in-game he actually is, these are just general ideas and the stats can be changed lol)

PASSIVE - Protector

Tu’er Shen passively grants a medium range aura of regenation around him to his allies, increasing their HPS, MPS and magical and physical protections by 5% of their totals for each statistic. Additionally, Tu’er Shen gains a 3% movement speed bonus every 4 levels.

40 unit aura radius, 5% increase of total HPS, MPS and protections

3% bonus movement speed every 4 levels, total bonus is 12% at level 20

ABILITY 1 - Passion Arrow

Tu’er Shen charges his arrows with passion, amplifying his next basic attacks with a small AOE on hit or at max basic attack range and causing them to go through minions. If Tu’er Shen hits an ally while Passion Arrow is active, he heals them for a flat amount. If an enemy is hit the charges deal increased damage on impact and if they are hit 3 times they are charmed and walk harmlessly towards Tu’er Shen for 1.5 seconds.

Cooldown: 10 seconds

3/3/4/5/5 charges, Heal: 50/75/95/125/150 + 30% scaling

Extra damage: 10/30/60/90/120, Mana cost: 55/60/70/75/85

ABILITY 2 - Matchmaker

Tu’er Shen calls upon his matchmaking skills to select and connect two allied gods or one ally and one enemy god with each other in a 55 unit targeter. If two allies are linked then their damage is increased by 10% and they receive a heal over time. If an ally and an enemy are connected then the enemy is revealed to Tu’er Shen’s team and the enemy deals 20% less damage to their partner. Additionally, the connected ally receives 50% of their enemy partner’s healing.

Cooldown: 20/19/18/17/16 secs

Duration: 6 seconds, Heal over time: 20/25/30/35/40 + 20% scaling

HOT ticks every 1 second, Mana cost: 50/55/60/65/70

ABILITY 3 - Bunny Hop

Tu’er Shen hops in the direction he is currently travelling. If Tu’er Shen hits a wall, player-made deployable or god he bounces off the surface, doubling his movement. Additionally, enemy gods are stunned for 1 second upon impact. Tu’er Shen can store 1 charge of this ability.

Cooldown: 14/13/12/11/10 secs

2 charges maximum, range of 55 with an amplified range of 110 units

Damage: 100/150/200/250/300 + 100% scaling, Mana cost: 70/80/90/100/110 mana

ULTIMATE - Romantic Rush

Tu’er Shen, after a short duration, channels the full extent of his love powers, amplifying all of his basic attacks with the effects of Passion Arrow for 10 seconds. If an ally is hit and they are at full health they receive a a health shield equal to half of Passion Arrow’s healing. On enemy hit, the charm duration is doubled but they cannot be charmed again while Romantic Rush is active. The effects of Matchmaker are doubled and Tu’er Shen receives a 20% damage buff if he is linked with another male god.

Cooldown: 80 seconds

Duration: 10 seconds

Mana cost: 80/90/100/110/120 mana

lore 🐇

While other gods may proclaim endlessly over the power they have over their domains, causing no end of trouble for their fellow pantheon members and their followers as a result, Tu’er Shen patiently and quietly tends to those who request his services with unmatched loyalty and dedication. For he is not a god who takes to the spotlight easily, but one who will see his responsibilities through to help and protect those who he serves, an opportunity he was once not afforded in his youth.

Such are the origins of Tu’er Shen, the Leveret God.

Once a young man known as Hu Tianbao, he fell deeply in love with a handsome imperial inspector of Fujian Province. Such was the intensity of his love that he looked upon the inspector while he bathed, peering at him through a bathroom wall. Tianbao was caught in the act, confessing his sincere affections for the other man in hopes of reaching an understanding. The inspector was quick to retaliate in violence, sentencing him to death by beating.

Underworld officials, seeing his crime as one of love, sought to justify his death by appointing him the god and safe guarder of homosexual affections. A month after his death, he appeared in the dreams of a man from his hometown – not as Hu Tianbao but reborn as Tu’er Shen. From this came the erection of a humble shrine for his worship and Tu’er Shen has dutifully served those who seek him ever since.

The battlefield of the gods is a strange place to find Tu’er Shen, usually one so far removed from the world of ugly violence and mindless bloodshed. Even so, perhaps love can soothe and heal the wounds caused by the warring of pantheons, or maybe it can even help end the war in some way. Knowing firsthand the true cost of thoughtless hate and violence, Tu’er Shen picks up his bow in the hope that he can protect even one person of those who cannot protect themselves in the war of the gods.

voicelines 🐇

god selection

“Tu’er Shen!” (duh)

introduction

“Is anyone in need of my services?”

“Let’s see what I can do.”

“Wonder if there are any cute gods around? Wait, no! Work first, then play later!”

“In their own ways, everyone here is fighting for love.”

(this isn’t an official one but as a joke it was highly entertaining) “Come on Season 6 let’s get sickening!”

abilities

ability 1 - passion arrow

“Fallen for me yet?”

“I’ve got you!”

“Coming for your heart!”

ability 2 - matchmaker

self/ally match - male gods only

“Our connection is strong.”

“Let your heart speak to me.”

self/ally match - general

“Together we’re stronger.”

“I’ve got your back.”

ally/ally match

“You’d make a good pair.”

“Another successful match.”

ally/enemy

“Swipe left next time!”

“This’ll end badly.”

ability 3 - bunny hop

“Excuse me!”

“Coming through!”

ability 4/ultimate - romantic rush

“Feel the love!”

low health

“I will not give in just yet.”

“I don’t mind playing rough, but this is a bit too much even for me…”

items

when placing wards

“Reveal their hearts to me little ward.”

“Any romantic confessions I should be aware of?”

when buying consumables

“Isn’t this interesting?”

“The colour is lovely.”

when buying offensive items

“I don’t want to harm others but if I must.”

“Love hurts indeed…”

when buying defensive items

“Will this protect my ears?”

“Hope this won’t slow me down.”

“Even the gods have to use a little protection.”

kills

when in a killstreak

“I can heal them later on, right?”

“Love never misses its mark.”

when killing a jungle boss

“That creature was awfully big…”

“Thank you for your sacrifice.”

when destroying a tower

“Love conquers all, man and structure alike.”

“Ack, that’s so loud!”

death

“You’ll never kill my spirit…”

“Love is eternal…”

directed voicelines

Aphrodite - “It’s a great honour to finally meet the goddess of love, I have much to learn from you.”

Cupid - “Speaking from... past experiences, it seems as though you should work on your aim.”

Jing Wei & Xing Tian - “I admire your perseverance in the face of insurmountable odds, we are not too dissimilar in that way.”

Loki - “If you haven’t already, I suggest you pay Chiron a visit at some point. He is single after all...”

Bellona - “Any luck asking Amaterasu out yet? She’s still waiting for you to make a move you know..”

Raijin - “I’m willing to bet you’re more satisfying in bed than you are an opponent on the battlefield.”

Bacchus - “I’m not the drinking type... but perhaps you’d like to come in for tea?’

Achilles - “How’s Patroclus doing? Maybe you should spar with him more often, you’ve gotten rusty.”

Apollo - “Playing the lyre isn’t the only thing you make look easy.”

Ravana - “When I see you, the term ‘rope bunny’ comes to mind...”

jokes

“I hope Cupid doesn’t get jealous of all the time I’m spending with Aphrodite…”

“Technically I’m not this closely associated with actual rabbits, but the aesthetic was too cute to pass up.”

“Considering what I’ve been through, I think I’ve earnt the right to proud of who I am.”

“It is technically homophobia if you hit me. Just saying.”

“The Jade Rabbit? He’s certainly cute... but I think there’s another rabbit who’s cuter.”

taunts

Animation: Tu’er Shen draws a neon heart in the air, shooting an arrow through it shortly after.

“[Yawns] I think I might have a nap, perhaps that’ll give you a chance to catch up.”

“You have an awfully big weapon there, are you compensating for something?”

“I’ll show you why they say love hurts.”

“Fighting for your overblown ego isn’t a good reason to wage war.”

“Take it from a matchmaker, I don’t think anyone’s standards are low enough for you.”

skin concepts 🐇

new tu’er shen body

floral fairy

squeaky clean, night corps, bunny server

country cowboy, casual, devilish

old tu’er shen body

kitsune, spring revelry, leather bunny

hello nurse, debonair devil

old notes 🐇

this concept is super inspired by Kaios’ concept for Tu’er Shen (which you’ll find linked in the description of this post), i loved his ideas for rabbit lad and wanted to add more to the concept. my final kit concept is a lil bit similar but i think i’ve changed enough for it to not be a copy lmao. anyways, i’ve wanted a hunter support since i played tyrande a while ago in heroes of the storm. she was super fun and the mix of dealing strong consistent damage and still being able to support allies is something i’d kill to have in smite

tu’er shen is also a really cool god, and recently I’ve been prokoved by my mutuals making lots of god concepts when i haven’t made any in a very long time lol (if you remember my other smite oc you’re a real stan). obvs i don’t think hi-rez would do him justice and gamerbros would totally complain about the Gays™ shoving their unsatiable need for Representation™ down their throats and what not but it’s still a fun concept regardless!

new notes 🐇

he’s back and 10x beefier and sluttier looking than ever lmao. the self-insert squad may be missing plenty of people (y’all better come back like...) but it’d be a waste of time and effort to not do more with tu’er shen. also i love him so! i’m still kinda sad over twink tu’er shen being replaced by bara tu’er shen but it’s for the best, he’s v handsome now and big ol bitties in that dress? iconic. he does fit better into the male cast, the added beef makes him more attractive to basically everyone (he’s serving taric teas now lol) and he was a soldier so there’s plenty of reasons to make him a hunk. anyways... i don’t have much to say about the outfit than it’s flawless lol. it was interesting and p fun to make although i always feel awkward about posting drawn stuff in a serious context. it’s weird but i’m happy about the final product 🥰 i’ll try to write more stuff about him soon but don’t expect too much lol

links/resources 🐇

personal

headcanons (they’re a lil outdated in reference to his body lol)

tu’er shen’s tag

original post

my smite oc tag

other

kaios’ super cool concept for tu’er shen you should check out as it’s cooler than mine lol. his art of tu’er shen goes full furry and it’s kinda cute ngl

other links you can read for more information about tu’er shen: 1, 2

a beautiful short film about tu’er shen helping a guy accept his sexuality, gore warning towards the end

thanks for reading if you got to the end! please send asks or whatever, i’m dying for any excuse to talk about him lmao 🐇

#smite #smite game #hi-rez smite #smite oc #gay rabbit stuff #MY OCs #pwease support my boy. i care him

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