#i keep saying that lol and then it takes soooo much longer than I expect but

[whentherewerebicycles]

ok reworked a big chunk of my cover letter and then ran out of steam (I have slept… so badly all week) but I’m feeling positive about it. I really don’t want to spend a ton of time obsessing over it so I’m going to try to finish it tomorrow after my morning meetings. I have an annoying work meeting first thing (about the situation I rage-cried about earlier today) but then I get to follow it up with a meeting with my all-time fave student. those calls always leave me feeling sooo happy and energized so I should be in a great headspace for finishing the letter. I ideally want to submit tomorrow but if I feel the materials aren’t quite there for whatever reason I’ll allow myself the weekend to tinker. I am qualified for this job! and pretty sure I would greatly enjoy literally every aspect of it!! cross your fingers for me!!!

[lol-jackles]

Whenever Anons tell me that Jared fans are just as bad as AAs and hellers, I always ask for receipts.

The reason they won't ever be able to provide this (besides the ones Jai & co have been exposed as having faked to frame Jared fans...) is they don't exist (I know you know this lol, just making a general statement). The thing is, AA's are soooo beyond sensitive that they literally think saying we don't like Jensen's outfit at a con, or that he looks tired, or that he's had botox is "hate". You say anything even remotely critical about Jensen? You must hate him. They take such personal offense to things that are barely a slight to Jensen as hate.

Jared fans on the other hand, have had over 16 years of dealing with the hate and insults and biting their tongues. They have a much thicker skin. They are getting more assertive and pushing back more nowadays, but they still had to stay quiet for 15 years to keep the peace because, for some reason, it fell on them (much like it falls on Jared).

Btw this is exactly how and why I left the Jensen fandom completely. I was a Jensen leaning J2 fan when I joined the fandom. Problem was that I didn't immediately turn on blinders to Jensen's behavior when I joined (like a good little Jensen fan is expected to). So I made a mildly critical comment about him and was dogpiled. I was told I wasn't a real fan and that I actually hated him and was just pretending to like him. I was called some pretty gross stuff and told I wasn't wanted there. And from people I really didn't expect (at the time I didn't expect it at least). That's when I realized there weren't a lot of "safe spaces" in the Jensen fandom and it was exhausting trying to get news about him from sites where I also had to see (tagged) Jared hate and them attacking other fans like me. It was just easier to not bother anymore.

I actually saw a few posts recently from TB/GenV fans who were really annoyed that Jensen had a cameo in GenV because it's annoying how he takes over and all the gifsets and everything are all him. They didn't want him on the spinoff because that was a show mostly safe from his fans. It took them less than one season to piss off TB and GenV fans. Jared fans put up with it for 15 years.

Thank you for sharing your history. This completely jives with the many private convo I had with Dean/Jensen fans laminating the lack of safe space within their fandom that doesn't include Destiel and/or hating on Sam/Jared (X) but also expected to never discuss Dean or Jensen other than a perfect victim because AAs viewed themselves as perfect victims that the world must change and cater to them. The only advice I could provide them was to go to original posts by Sam girls (because at least they respect the show's canon) and look at who are reblogging or liking with Dean's avatar or his name.

Yeah I never understood why it fell on Sam girls to keep the fandom peace by appeasing the demented Sam haters. Just like it fell on Jared to protect Jensen from Destiel hellers' campaign to slander Jensen as a homophobe (*wave hello to MallorytoyourMickey aka Heidi aka High-D aka my buddy!*) but they won't protect Jared from slanderous lies spread by their own fandom on social media.

Which is why AAs, hellers, and even Kripke get the shock of their lives when Sam/Jared girls do strike back because they're like cats - chill and indifferent but have murder mittens and Freddy Kruger hands when rudely poked.

I’ve joked that Jared’s stans’ response to the Prequel debacle was “I’VE BEEN FREED!"  They no longer have to support and defend Jensen especially now that SPN is over, then the Prequel debacle was the cherry on top because it gave them the ultimate permission to no longer do the geek social fallacy thing. And I like to think that Dean fans are also free from Ackles Army's death grip of the character now that they're moving on to The Boys fandom.

Speaking of which, I'm not surprised to hear TB/GenV fans are annoyed by the AAs. The soap opera and SPN fandom couldn't stand them, why would TB fandom be any different? As long as AAs view themselves as perfect victims, they don't believe they need to change their attitude.

[citrusreadstoa]

Reading the Dark Prophecy: Prophecy Analysis (SPOILERS)

The prophecy was too darn long it needed its own post. I was warned there would be a fourteen-line prophecy at some point in the series, but wow. I expected the lines to be short if there were so many of them, but the lines were longer than usual??? On the bright side, I'm suddenly a lot more familiar with iambic pentameter than I was before.

Okay, so, first line. Some important parchment is gonna be burned. Or somebody is just going to be burned, full stop. Maybe Apollo is made to forget something important. I dunno.

Second line. Moon. Artemis finally makes her appearance. Dunno where Devil's Mount is, but later lines mention the Tiber, so things will probably center around Camp Jupiter, so probably in California or surrounding states (Who's to say they won't travel a bit?).

The changeling lord doesn't sound like he belongs in Greek or Roman mythology, imma be honest. Then again, Apollo has encountered beings from other mythologies. The first Google search result for Greek shapeshifters gives me Proteus, that old man of the sea that Percy wrestled in the first series (Was it The Titan's Curse?). He doesn't seem very lordly, but then again, Phineas didn't seem very kingly when the SoN trio met him. I could search for more shapeshifters that better fit the bill, but I'm not about to waste half an hour on an answer that I'll get wrong anyway lol. Also, the prophecy makes it sound like the Lord Changeling is on our side, so maybe it is Proteus after all. He keeps to himself, sure, but he's not actively evil and that's about as much as we can hope for.

Line four. There's going to be a battle at Camp Jupiter, no doubt about it. It doesn't necessarily say the bodies will be those of the demigods, but monsters disintegrate, soooo... it's not looking good.

Fifth line, going into the second stanza. The sun is obviously Apollo. The enemy's base (where the third Triumvirate member lies) is south of Camp Jupiter. Easy peasy.

Sixth line, and the next book is The Burning Maze, right? Hope so, otherwise that's kind of weird that the maze is appearing a book early. It's probably a particularly deadly section of the Labyrinth. The Hidden Oracle established that the Labyrinth, now free of any singular master, can be controlled in small sections. Camp Half-Blood has a relatively secure section that they use for -- of all things -- three-legged races. Who's to say the Triumvirate hasn't secured their own section of hallways and rooms and made it especially deadly? Actually, the camp's and the Triumvirate's sections of the maze are probably just as deadly considering what Harley's been up to. As for the lands of scorching death: the last desert we went to we ended up losing Bianca in. Let's not repeat that.

Seventh line! I don't know who the swift white horse is (Arion is swift but caramel-ish) and I don't know who owns or rides it. Wow, I deserve a pat on the back. Great work there.

Eighth line. The crossword-speaker sounds like a really fucked-up sphinx. Don't know why you'd need a sphinx's breath, though. That's my best guess, but I don't have much faith in it. I'm really earning that pat, huh.

Ninth line, starting the third stanza. We've met the north wind, Boreas. We've met the south wind, Notus. We haven't met the east wind, but we have met the west wind, Zephyros/Favonius. He works for Cupid, sure, but he probably has a home of his own. I'm betting that's where we're going, especially since he and Apollo have history.

Tenth line. Apollo said in the first book that Demeter doesn't just sleep around. It takes a remarkable mortal to get her attention. Here we may learn more about Meg's backstory and her father. Maybe her family lineage is entangled with Greek mythology going way back, kinda like Reyna's and Frank's families.

Line number eleven. The cloven guide can be none other than a satyr. Or maybe a faun since we're with the Romans. Wasn't it mentioned in The Hidden Oracle that Grover was in Cali doing some environmental thing? I hope it's not Grover 'cause he already did his time in the Labyrinth, but it'd be nice to see him again before The Chalice of the Gods comes out. What I'm really hoping to see, though, is one of the New Roman fauns (Maybe Don!) stepping up and learning what they're capable of rather than just being relegated to a perpetually homeless and destitute caste on the streets. It hurts my heart to see them like that and maybe this is the first (albeit risky and possibly deadly) step forward.

Twelfth frickin' line and I'm wondering what the point of such a long prophecy was. It better be a good book with a poem this long. The third and fourth books in the Riordanverse are usually the best, so it should be, right? Anyway, I bet this line is very, very literal. It's going to sound metaphorical on purpose, but in reality he's just gotta wear some funky shoes.

*gasps for breath* Thirteenth line! Almost there! We may vary with the number of questers, but there will be three at the finale, this tells us. Why do they have to reach the Tiber alive? Isn't the first thing you cross upon getting to camp? This one stumps me unless... no... well, it's the Labyrinth. It's not out of the question that they'll have to go to the actual Tiber. Maybe. I'm stuck 50/50 on this one.

Last line! Number fourteen! Apollo does a jolly little dance! Bet it's to somehow find a way out of a dire situation he's dug himself into.

That was... far too long to be a respectable prophecy. I spit on your grave, Trophonius. Really fun prophecy, though. Even more so than the limerick one. We should get Shakespearean sonnet prophecies more often.

[slow-button-off]

Charles's strategy today compared to the sprint = ♥️

Instead of trying to overtake Verstappen at the start and being pushed again, he got right behind him, stuck with him and bided his time, putting pressure on him all the while ♥️♥️♥️

A lot of drivers would have tried to get p1 immediately. But Charles knew p2 was the best position to be at the beginning. No unnecessary risks taken and controlling the situation from the start 😭

(And getting away from Sainz as fast as possible)

He sees the bigger picture.

Binotto said he was incredibly surprised by today's performance from Ferrari and the fact that they forced Verstappen into a third pit stop

Really insane!

That first overtake really took Max by surprise it seems, and he even had to correct his path (English isn't my native language I hope you get what I mean lol)

The last laps took away about 10 years of my life tho because of the throttle and downshift problems 😅

Ferrari needs to get on top of their mechanical and reliability issues because we need more exciting races like this one!!

Hiya!

Firstly, thanks for the long asks! I love all of these! I might just take a bit longer to reply because there is so much to talk about.

Secondly, not a native English speaker either so sometimes what I say also doesn't make perfect sense in English but anyway, everything you said made sense.

Yeah they got it right which was great to see! And that they weren't pressured into things by Max pitting so early. Iirc mattia said that they used the sprint as an experiment type thing to check out the tyre deg and they knew that theirs was better than RBs.

With Charles start he did take a different line than in the sprint so Max couldn't squeeze him into the wall which would mean that Carlos could've gotten him. But it also helped that George had such a good start and Carlos was preoccupied with keeping them behind and so the first two just sped off.

Charles also said that the first few laps he still wanted to take it a bit slow and then attack which he did. I've heard it quite a lot about these new tyres that you really need to take the time to get them up to temp or you'll ruin them.

Charles definitely sees the bigger picture! It's also why he was so ready to have to keep re-overtaking Max.

I think everyone was a bit surprised by the tyre Deg differential between RB and Ferrari. Max for sure was. I think it's a thing on both sides where Ferrari were better than expected and RB was worse than expected.

Honestly, I've watched that overtake with every commentary I have access too and they were all surprised including me. He seemed wayyy too far away but he did it! He's been so incredible on the brakes this season! I mean the car definitely helps that, but he brakes soooo late and keeps getting it right without major lock ups.

And yes max did definitely had to back out a bit or he'd have risked them both. Which is smart. But I love it when these two battle especially in these new cars because they are both super aggressive but don't force it too much because they know they'll have another chance.

Same the last few laps killed me! I already was ready to faint! It was horrible! And then the gap also kept getting smaller because of Charles turn 3 because of the stupid throttle. I don't think I would've lasted another lap tbh. He couldn't downshift because the software doesn't allow that if the revs are too high and they were too high because of the stuck throttle. So that stupid pedal really tried to cause all the issues it could've on those last laps.

I think Mattia said that they know what the issue with Charles engine was and they think it's the same for Carlos and that they are fully focused ok fixing it. So that would be lovely if they could maybe do that like now. But at least they know what the issue is. That's a good start and often harder to figure out than one thinks.

I just love seeing Charles win lol but also the battle with him and Max have been so nice because they've been really clean. And they are for the lead so thats extra lovely.

[your-stoat-stands-unopposed]

Honestly, anything would be fine buuuut- if you're cool with it- I have a bit of a smut prompt. Reader keeps coming back to play with Leshy (has both won and lost a few games) because the like him but also they enjoy the way he compliments them for their smart maneuvers and praises them. When Leshy finally realizes how he affects them, all hell breaks loose. SOOOO basically just Leshy smut with dominant Leshy and submissive Reader who has a massive praise kink lol. If that's not up your alley, totally get it!!

Most Beloved.

Pairing: Leshy x gender-neutral!Reader.

Warnings: 18+ only for explicit content. Tiny mention of scratching.

Summary: And now, there's no way you would ever try to deny it: you aren't coming back here out of love for the game.

"You return once more."

There is a smile in the game master's voice, and it's mirrored by the one on your lips as you take a seat before him. By now, all of this is so familiar to you; the scents of paper and wood, the map dimly lit by flickering candles, the feel of the figurine in your hand...

And most of all, the bright eyes that peer fondly at you from the darkness, the long nails that tap against the table, the deep voice that sends shivers down your spine.

You'd played this game with him many times now. You'd played so many times that he'd felt comfortable regaling you with his tales, comfortable to open his heart to you just that little bit more each time. Leshy, Great Scrybe of Beasts, had caught your attention in more ways than one during your time together... and perhaps, yes, you have to admit that you aren't coming back to play him again and again purely out of love for the game.

No, you come back because his kindness warms your heart in a way you hadn't anticipated; because his stories put you at ease and have you longing to learn more, because he looks so very beautiful silhouetted by the moonlight...

"Well then," his voice comes again, drawing your attentions away from your thoughts and right back to those piercing eyes.

"Shall we get started?"

------

You set down your cards with a smirk on your lips, ringing the bell with anticipation in your heart. It was a good play, and you know it; you'd spent so long now working on this deck, learning the rules over the course of so many games, that it comes naturally to you by now.

The scales tip in your favour, and Leshy holds out a bowl to catch the generous overflow of teeth.

"Ha! What a strategy," his voice praises you warmly, sending a rush of warmth straight to your cheeks. "Truly, I would expect nothing less from you by now."

"Yeah?" You don't want to seem as though you're pushing it, of course, but... you can't help but ask: "Why's that? Do you... think I'm good at this?"

He breathes a smooth, deep chuckle that sets your soul on fire, setting the bowl aside. "You surely know the answer to that by now," he says. "Of all the challengers who have come and gone over the years... none have impressed me as you have."

Your heart pounds in your chest; you're sure the hitching of your breath is audible to the man before you. "You mean it...?"

"I mean it."

In the dark, his eyes smile at you with a warmth you've truly missed.

"Now, as ever... you remain my most beloved challenger."

A soft gasp escapes you, and your hand rests over your heart. Oh, you've needed this; needed his kindness, needed his praises... They affect you in a way that you're almost embarrassed to admit, but it's undeniable: they soothe you as much as they please you, fill you with excitement and want as much as they fill you with comfort and warmth.

"Challenger..."

Shyly, your eyes meet his own. In the dark, his glowing gaze is curious.

"That expression on your face... Are you...?"

Biting at your lower lip, you nod slowly. You and Leshy have been through enough together that you don't want to lie to him; you don't want to hide your true feelings.

You don't want to deny your love any longer.

Another soft chuckle from his side of the board; though there's something else in his voice, something you're not used to... something sultry, something sensual, something full of promises.

He stands, and he offers a hand.

"Come, challenger."

You blink.

You blush.

You grasp his hand, and you do.

------

You're bare before him, hands against the wall, legs parted and rear sticking out as you bend forward. Every bit of you is on display, nothing left to the imagination; and you wouldn't have it any other way.

"Beautiful." His voice is a purring rumble at your back, and he presses close to you, the cool skin of his chest and the crispness of his leaves a blessing against your over-flushed body. "You are beautiful, my challenger. Every part of you."

You breathe out his name, your body trembling as those lovely hands of his rest on your hips, the sharpness of his nails digging into your skin.

"To think, you had longed for this all this time..."

The tip of his length, thick and dripping, presses to your eager hole.

"...my most beloved one, my love..."

His grip is firm but not painful; warm and secure as he pushes into you, as his shaft sinks into your inner walls, as he stretches you and fills you and makes you his completely.

"...all you ever had to do was tell me..."

You moan as he bottoms out, the hefty warmth of his sac resting against you. Your arms tremble, and you're grateful for his strong hands holding onto you; you're not convinced that your knees wouldn't give out otherwise.

Once he's sure that you're comfortable, he begins to move, the warm slide of his shaft alone enough to have you gasping with delight. He's careful with you, but not gentle; he thrusts into you hard and deep from the outset, hitting all your sweetest spots again and again.

"Ngh... m-mmn..."

Hearing him moan is even more exciting to you than hearing his praises, and that is saying something.

"So tight... so warm... you are perfect inside and out, my dear..."

Your eyes roll up, and you're panting. He's taking you... Leshy, Scrybe of Beasts, is taking you... he's moaning in your ear, he's telling you how good you are, he's holding you and pleasing you and showing you how he loves you...

Your hips move and roll tandem, pushing and pulling and setting a rhythm that has the both of you groaning and gasping, driving both of you steadily closer and closer to that edge.

"L-Leshy," you breathe out, "Leshy, I-- I'm gonna..."

"Yes," his long nails dig into your skin and scratch, sending you squealing with the new and wonderful sensation, "yes... come, challenger...!"

And you do. You fall over that edge, your eyes rolling up, your inner walls clenching and grasping your Scrybe's length as your orgasm hits you hard. It's only moments before he's following you, driving himself deep, a shuddering groan leaving him as hot spurts of his release fill you until you're dripping.

You could have never expected this when you'd returned; that your game that day would end with you both naked and satisfied...

And now, there's no way you would ever try to deny it: you aren't coming back here out of love for the game.

No... you're coming back here out of love for the game's master; for the man who excites you and comforts you, for the Scrybe who soothes you and pleases you.

[writingonsaturn]

Better Unsaid

a/n okay this has been all over the place!! it was originally going to be a blurb and darker and closer to smutty (so keep your eyes out for that??? lol), but then I made it softer and the concept got away from me and it got soooo much longer than expected lmao and i still dont love where it ended so maybe part 2?? i have the idea i just dont know lol 

summary: Reader is a princess and Anakin has been her guard during the most public season for the past two years (not the most logical thing but just go with it lol, it gets explained better in the fic) and after a near death experience the two are conveniently forced into a....

ONE BED TROPE ONE BED TROPE *cough cough* ONE BED TROPE WITH ONE PERSON HAVING TO WAKE UP THE OTHER BC THEYRE HAVING A NIGHTMARE,, :)))))))

  --

His smugness is the only thing about him I can consider ‘ugly’. And because I am so desperate to not have feeling for Anakin, the Jedi who has been assigned to protect me through coronation season (which lasts for most of winter), for the last two coronation seasons, I hold onto my distaste for that side of him. Which is why I suppress my laugh as he waits for my reaction with that confident smile. 

“Come on, that was funny.” 

Rolling my eyes, I let myself sit on my bed. I can’t tell if he’s actually funny or if my evening has been so boring that his sense of humor has started to become appealing to me due to comparison. In short, the suitor I was forced to spend an entire evening with lacked personality so much I’m starting to find Anakin funny.

“You’re much more entertaining than this evening’s suitor.” 

Anakin’s expression shifts slightly, his assured grin dropping slightly. “Another miss?” 

“You have no idea.” I relax slightly, taking a moment to be glad that I completed my father’s request and now I can just enjoy the time I have with Anakin. “I know my father’s desperate to make sure my marriage is useful for our people and that he worries about this selection process because he always thought my mother would be here to help, but sometimes I wish he wouldn’t rush it so much. It feels like all he wants me for is to marry me off in exchange of finance or weaponry or something diplomatic.” 

“You’re more than that.” His response is so soft I think I might have missed it if I needed it less. I curse myself for feeling so validated by him. His words shouldn’t mean anything to me. After all, he could easily just be saying that because agreeing with my father will just make me more unpleasant to be around. 

I smile politely while avoiding his eyes. I keep my hands on either side of me, fighting the urge to fidget. “Thank you, Anakin.” My words sound weak in my own ears, so I’m sure he notices my shift in mood. “I’m tired today, I think I’m going to go to bed early.” Normally, I’d be able to shrug off these kinds of things, but the beginning of Coronation Season makes me irritable. The anniversary of my mother’s death hits me harder each year. 

“Y/n.” My name comes out so velvety I can’t find it in myself to interrupt him. “You are more than someone meant to be used as some kind of royal currency, and I mean that as more than just a...friend.” 

I let his last word linger. We’ve tried so many titles that never seem to fit right. He’s the chosen one, one of the most powerful Jedi to exist, and the Jedi assigned to protect me each Coronation Season because that’s when my mother was assassinated. He’s my guard, but we’ve spent too many nights laughing together and talking about everything and anything. And I guess now he’s my friend, even though sometimes when he looks at me in a certain way or sits too close to me or reaches for my hand to guide me somewhere I can’t breathe right. 

“Anakin, you know I love when you’re here, even though sometimes you drive me insane. And I appreciate your kindness, but your words can’t change the truth. That’s how my father sees me and he’s not exactly wrong. I’m not a son, I haven’t been raised to lead an army or lead much, and--” 

“I’ve seen you in meeting after meeting, convention after convention. I’ve witnessed the way you handle real problems and I know how you care about your people. You’d make a great leader, you don’t need a husband to be valuable.” 

My chest swells, feelings I never let myself think about mixing with thoughts of Anakin that I’ve spent so long trying to avoid. “That settles it, you’re my favorite person.” 

He grins, the look warm enough to melt the odd lump in my throat. I fight down a smile as he steps forward. “And I wasn’t before?” 

“I take it back--your head’s big enough without the additional praise.” 

Rolling my eyes, I lean back slightly in order to recreate the distance he so easily destroyed. “And I thought you had finally warmed up to me, princess.” 

The use of my title makes me skeptical. The last time Anakin used it was when he was trying to ease me so that I’d walk around the palace garden so he had an excuse to do the same. It was beyond late and I was half asleep, but he had os much energy he was desperate and just needed to do one more thing. I felt bad that his schedule revolved so heavily around mine (and when he softens his eyes and says please, I’m left incapable of saying the word ‘no’) so I agreed. 

“What do you want?” 

Anakin dramatically clutches a hand over his heart. He throws his head back slightly as if he’s just taken a fatal blow. “When did you turn so cynical? I’ve been back for three days and I’m starting to believe you’re a different person now.” 

Yeah...he’s definitely getting ready to ask for something that’s more trouble than it’s worth. Then again, everything with him seems to be worth it in some capacity. Even if it’s just that one smile he gets when he’s truly content and doesn’t think anyone’s looking. 

“Mhm,” I mumble, still fighting a grin, “so you’re not going to ask me anything?” 

His lips part slightly as he exhales. I watch the way his eyes narrow at my victorious expression. “I don’t have anything to ask of you, but I do have a small request. A request so small you won’t have to do anything but say yes.”

Suspicious. Too easy. “You’re unbelievable.” 

“You just said I was your favorite person. Remember that.” 

I’m too tired for his coyness. I’d rather him make his ridiculous request now so that I can be in bed within the hour. Though I can’t pretend I don’t normally feel better after letting him drag me along on whatever ‘adventure’ he just needed to complete while also not letting me out of his sight. I used to tell him that I wouldn’t tell anyone if I wasn’t under supervision for an hour or two a day, but he dismissed the idea immediately. That’s been the cornerstone of everything. 

“What is it?” 

He sighs once, tilting his head slightly. The way his eyes soften tells me he’s already won at least half the battle. “They still haven’t caught the attempted--” Anakin pauses, something behind his eyes darkening. I know what he’s remembering. Last night, an assassin had gotten closer than they ever had. I had almost been shot in the garden, Anakin had barely pushed me to the ground in time. A fact he’s been beating himself up for since, especially considering that no one has been able to find my attempted killer yet. “They were so close to you. They were within palace limits and they disappeared like they never existed. Who’s to say they don’t work here and are waiting for the next moment you’re exposed? Who’s to say they aren’t here tonight, waiting for me to retire for the night?” 

I didn’t realize how my near death experience had been so personal to him. He, like everyone else, was beyond frantic after it happened. But my father put an end to verbal worry before it could truly begin. He said the best thing we could do was act like everything was fine as the assailant was searched for. Anakin hadn’t been particularly cheery after my father instructed the guards to focus their search on known enemies instead of prioritizing venting the staff closest to me. I comforted him as best as I could, but he didn’t feel like speaking about it and I had to worry about the suitor meeting my father wouldn’t let me cancel. 

“Anakin, you’re right next door to me.” I have to fight the urge to reach for him. “I was fine because of you, and I will be fine because of you.” 

He sighs once, his expression not easing. “And if the person is silent? The attacker could easily work in the palace, but no one wanted to direct the search inwards.” His words are more strained than I’ve ever heard them be. “I think it’d be smart for me to stay in here. I know you’ve refused having a guard stay in your room or outside your door, but...” Anakin sighs. “Your safety would be more assured.” 

Him staying in my room? The only line I’ve ever been allowed to draw, and I’m actually considering letting that go. If he seemed even slightly less sad, I wouldn’t even consider it. It’s not a good idea. I’m already too attached to him. “Anakin--” 

“I’d feel more assured.” 

Damn him. Stupid, extremely sweet Anakin who makes saying no to him impossible. I stretch my arm forward, letting my hand squeezes his forearm gently. “There’s no reason to not feel assured.” He doesn’t ease, the cloudiness behind his eyes remains stubborn. “You’re still worried.” No reaction, the haze that’s taken him isn’t letting go. “Fine--but tell no one or my father is going to take to posting guards at my door every night.” 

...I guess there are worse ways to spend a night. Which is kind of a problem since I’m trying to...enjoy Anakin less. Ugh, I even sound dumb in my head. “I promise, princess.” 

Ugh, he’s adorable. “You’re intolerable.” I stand from he foot of my bed and pull back the covers on my bed. He doesn’t reply, something dark still playing for him. I watch him move to face the door. Wait--is he doing what I think he’s doing? “No, you’re not going to stand there all night. You need sleep.” He has the audacity to give me an annoyed look. “I already didn’t want to do this so now you have to listen to my conditions.” 

He raises an eyebrow, his lips pressing together oddly. He’s trying to gauge something from my expression, perhaps he’s looking for buttons to press to get his way. I guess I look as stubborn as I feel because instead of arguing he just sits on the floor. What? I watch him cautiously, trying to figure out if this is some weird argument trick. 

“What are you doing?” 

“What you asked.”

And just like that I’ve put myself in a position that I will no doubt regret terribly the second common sense returns to me. There’s no way to deny that Anakin and I are closer than we probably should be. We’ve felt like friends first since the day we first met. I can’t think of any reason to not offer to let him sleep in my bed except those stupid budding feelings I refuse to label. 

It’s not like I actually like him. I can’t--I’m going to be married to some nobleman and he’s prohibited from ever forming attachments. I’m not even sure if we’re allowed to be friends. Having actual feelings for him would be so, so pointless. It would just lead to heartache and the ruining of the one genuine relationship I have. I’m just a tiny bit confused right now because he’s objectively really attractive and he’s always there for me. Always there to make a joke after a particularly rough meeting. Always there to offer me a supportive smile. Always there to humble me when I teeter on acting like my father. 

Anyone’s heart would flutter at that, so it doesn’t mean anything. And if it does, I need to squash any budding feelings now before I mess things up. Which is why I should keep him at arm’s length until I get it together. But is that fair to him? And what if doing that is making things worse? What if it’s just reinforcing the idea of having feelings? 

This is ridiculous. I’m going to get over this if it kills me. It’s just a bed and it’s only sleeping. I’m meant to be able to lead an entire union and I can’t sleep next to someone and act normal?” “You don’t have to sleep on the floor.” 

The second the words leave my mouth I regret it all. What’s wrong with me? Did I seriously think I’d be okay?

I hear his soft exhale, “I’ll be fine. I’ve slept in worse places than on your marble floor.” 

His voice sounds so weighted I can’t help but feel bad for not noticing that he’s still bothered. Whether he’s upset about his near miss or the fact that my father didn’t take his advice, I don’t know. But something’s wrong. The easy thing to do would be to just let him sleep it off. The smart thing to do would be to leave him alone until tomorrow. 

I think of all the times that I’ve been upset and Anakin had refused to let me go to sleep angry or sad or overwhelmed. “I know, but it’s really not a big deal. It’s not like we don’t know each other. I mean, last Coronation Season you buttoned me into more gowns than my handmaid. And I owe you for saving me from one of the worst suitors I’ve ever had.” 

“I’m starting to think we need to develop some kind of signal.” 

The tiny bit of lightness that’s returned to his voice makes all of my internal struggle feel worth it. “You always seem to know.” 

“That’s because when you’re reaching your limit, that one line appears between your eyebrows.”

I didn’t realize I had such a tell. I try to remember the way that the suitor drawled on and on about how amazing he was and how he couldn’t wait for the day he had a bride to bear his children and plan (tedious) social events. My hand moves to my forehead, trying to feel the crease Anakin mentioned. Can everyone tell when I’m growing tired? Am I that transparent? 

Anakin’s slight laugh steals my attention. He’s facing me again, his elbow holding his head up on the foot of my bed. “What are you doing?” 

“I don’t--I don’t think i get a crease between my eyebrows when I’m irritated.” 

I hear him stand. I don’t realize he’s approaching me until he’s so close I could touch him without even needing. to stretch. “No, when you’re irritated you raise your eyebrows slightly, because that’s when you’re at your most sarcastic.” 

“Really?” 

The corner of his mouth tugs upwards. “Just like that.” I force myself to keep my expression blank. “When you’re reaching your limit, your eyebrows crease here.” His finger taps the space between my brows so gently I almost don’t realize what he’s doing. “And when you’re trying not to laugh--which is often, because you refuse to admit that I’m funny--you press your lips together in a way that forms a dimple here.” The knuckle of his pointer finger brushes against the bottom of my cheek. 

I bite my tongue to fight the warmth spreading across my face. “I didn’t realize i was so transparent.”

“I can’t always tell what you’re thinking.” 

“I’ll take it.” Maybe if I was less tired, I’d argue a little more. “You know you’re not that difficult to read either.” 

“Really?” 

“Yes, I can tell when you’re just being stubborn for the sake of it. I can see it in your eyes and you’re doing it right now.” 

His expression harshens slightly before softening. “Y/n--” 

“I’m not wrong.” 

He sighs once, stepping back. I watch him pace around my bed before taking a seat on the edge of my other side of the bed. “Are you happy now?” 

“Happy that I won? Absolutely.” 

Anakin halfheartedly glares at me. “Careful, add a crown and a robe that trails down a throne and I’d feel like I was speaking to your father.” 

“Careful, another side comment like that and I’ll ‘accidentally’ kick you off the bed in the middle of the night.” 

“Not if I kick you off the bed first.” 

I trace a thoughtless pattern on the fabric of my bedsheets. “What are you? Twelve?” 

“I’m older than you.” 

“Barely.” I continue the thoughtless pattern tracing as I fight the sleep from my eyes. “Your comebacks are usually more creative than that.” 

He exhales, relaxing slightly as he rests his back against a pillow. “I’m tired, like you claimed to be.” His eyes flutter slightly, a bit of his exhaustion showing. “Go to sleep.” 

I should. I’m too old to think I can put off a tomorrow I don’t want by just staying up. This is stupid. I’m too old to think I can put off the anniversary of my mother’s death by going to bed. She had been taken from us on castle grounds, killed by a revolutionist who viewed my mother as a class traitor. I still remember the way she slumped to the ground, her blood staining the snow beneath her. I remember the way the guards were so busy chasing her killer no one thought to keep me away from the body. 

“Y/n?” 

I scratch the back of my arm in hopes of banishing my thoughts. “Yes?” 

“You’re being quiet.” 

“You said to go to sleep, that tends to be a quiet thing.” 

I can feel his eyes on me. “Since when do you listen to me?” Not trusting myself to actually reply, I only offer him a hum of acknowledgement. “I know you’re not half asleep.” 

Folding my hands on my lap, I avoid his gaze. “It’s tomorrow.” 

I don’t know why I trust him to understand my vague response, but I do. His silence stretches over us like a thin blanket on a cold night. Maybe he doesn’t understand what I’m implying. I can always correct him tomorrow, when my eyelids are no longer as heavy as my heart. The more seconds that pass in total silence, the more I think that maybe he’s fallen asleep. 

I wouldn’t be surprised, Anakin has seemed tired recently, like some additional weight he won’t share with anyone has been thrust onto his shoulders. A small part of me rolls in guilt. I need to be a better friend, just because I’m suddenly a little too aware of him doesn’t mean I can shrug him off and ignore him. 

My hand almost flinches away from the feeling of something surprisingly warm touching my pinky. When I realize that it’s just Anakin and that the contact was probably accidental, I force myself to ease. It’s not like we’ve never touched before, I don’t understand why I’m making it weird. Sitting in my bed in the dark doesn’t change anything. His hand turns slightly, pressing into mine a little more assuredly. Biting my tongue, I turn my hand slightly, exposing my palm. And just like that, our fingers intertwine. 

“She would have been proud of you.” His voice comes out so low I barely register the words. 

The words shouldn’t mean much to me--he never knew my mother and has no way to know what she wanted me to be.--and yet I find comfort in them. I smile, turning my head towards him. “You didn’t even know her.” 

He rolls his eyes slightly, relaxing further before squeezing my hand once. “Who wouldn’t be proud of you? You’re kind and smart and decent to be around when you’re not telling me what to do.” 

My heart swells in my chest so much I’m surprised it doesn’t burst. Could he be cuter? “Yeah...now I’m sure you’re my favorite person.” 

“Now you’re sure?” 

The smugness in his voice has me rolling my eyes. “Don’t make me regret saying that.” 

“Maybe in the morning,” he says easily, “now go to sleep. There’s nothing worse than escorting you from meeting to meeting while you’re tired.” 

“I’m not that bad.” Even in this darkness, I can make out the way he raises an eyebrow. “Shut up--I’m going to sleep, but not because of you.” 

He lets out a slight huff. “You’re impossible.” 

The desire to respond to his comment is not enough for me to win the fight against the weight of my eyelids. The moment my eyes shut, I feel powerless to anything that isn’t sleep. I let myself fall into a weightless sleep, my only tether being the Anakin’s fingers around mine. 

--

A distant noise yanks me from my sleep. I’m too drowsy to do anything but register the sound. I hear another similar...whine? cry? I can’t tell and I’m too asleep to figure it out. I almost fall asleep again, but a third distressed sound keeps me from it. I wipe my eyes lazily with the back of my hand as I try to sit up. 

Squinting, I make out a figure on my bed. It takes me a moment to remember Anakin and how I fell asleep. Our hands are still together and no light is peering through my window so it can’t be that long since I fell asleep. Another disgruntled sound carries itself throughout the room. I shift slightly, leaning over Anakin cautiously. 

Golden brown curls are beginning to stick to his forehead and his eyebrows are drawn together sharply. He’s having a nightmare.  I shift even further forward before cautiously placing a hand on his shoulder before squeezing him gently. 

“Anakin,” I whisper, “it’s not--it’s not real.” His eyebrows draw together even more harshly. I shake him a little more stubbornly. “Anakin, wake up--you’re having a ni--”

 My forearm is grabbed so suddenly I barely register it before I feel my back shoved into my mattress. I blink twice. His dark eyes are frantic and the look on his face is far from the gentle, easygoing expression I’m used to. He’s breathing deeply, his chest rising and falling from above me. I swallow a slight panic and something I don’t understand as I try to keep my eyes on his face and my thoughts away from how close he is. Anakin pries his fingers from my forearm one by one until only his palm is touching me. 

“Y/n, I--” 

“It’s okay.” Honestly, I’m more worried about his uneven breathing than the way he grabbed me. I can’t imagine everything he’s been through or how justified his nightmares are. Anakin moves his hand away from me. I don’t sit up until he’s off of me and sitting with his back against my headboard. “It’s okay--I just--you were having a nightmare and I thought I should wake you.” He doesn’t react. I turn my body further, keeping my back straight. Anakin doesn’t move, and the longer he stays still, the more I feel like I should say something else. “Do you want talk about it? Or do--do you want to talk about something else? Or go to sleep? Or get some water? Or--” The far off look behind his eyes silences me. I scoot forward slightly. “You’re okay, Anakin, I promise.” 

His head turns at that, his eyes searching mine for something I don’t understand. “I thought...” He cuts himself off by swallowing once. 

I shift a little more, trying to find anything normal in his expression. “Thought what?” 

Anakin’s hand is on my arm so quickly I don’t even register his movement. I let his fingers press into my skin. He’s holding onto me like I’m a figment of a dream and he’s beginning to wake up. “I thought I’d failed.” He exhales, the sound heavy. “Failed you and that you’d--I  thought I had lost you.” 

A lump rises in my throat, thick and unmoving. Cautiously, I place my hand over the one still gripping my shoulder like a lifeline. “You didn’t. Nothing happened, it was just a dream.” 

His gaze falls to the ground before he repeats the last of my words. “Just a dream.” There’s a hollowness to his voice I don’t understand. 

I exhale, carefully running my thumb over his knuckles. “Yes.” He doesn’t say anything but his expression hardens again. I let us sit there like that for a long minute. “I promise.” 

“You can’t promise things like that.”

I sigh, unsure of where to go from here. “Bad dreams are only bad dreams.” He doesn’t reply. “I think you should try to get some more sleep.” 

Anakin is unresponsive. I shift back, but before I can transition from almost being on top of him to just sitting next to him, he pulls on my arm to keep in place. “I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.” 

“Nothing’s going to happen to me.” 

“You almost died today, y/n. I was right there and if I had been a second later--” 

“But you weren’t.” He doesn’t ease. “You were there and I was fine. Don’t torment yourself over what could have been. You’ll drive yourself crazy.” 

“If anything ever happened to y--” 

“It’s not going to,” I whisper, ignoring the way his hold on my arm tightens even further, “Especially this time a year when I have a pretty good gau--” 

He tilts his head slightly, eyebrows drawing together and a ghost of a smile on his lips. “Pretty good? Really?” 

“Someone needs to watch your ego, chosen one.” This time when he tries for a smile, the look has some strength behind it. Relief pools in my stomach. “Now get some sleep, tomorrow’s a busy day and when you’re sleepy you’re beyond irritable.”  

Anakin lets me pull away enough to lay down, but he doesn’t follow. Not for a long second. When he does, his movements are impossibly rigid. I watch him out of the corner of my eye as carefully as I can manage. 

“Y/n?” 

I regret turning my head immediately. I didn’t realize how close he was. It would take no effort from me to make our lips meet. Wait--why am I thinking of that? I’m not allowed to think of stuff like that...especially not about him. 

“Yes?”

He lets out a breath before moving his hand. I don’t understand his hesitation until I feel his hand cupping my cheek gently. “What if next time I’m not enough? What if next time I lose you because I’m not strong enough?” 

I never thought my death would be such a personal thing to him. Sure, I knew that we had some kind of bond, some kind of friendship, and that my death would bring sadness. But I never imagined I’d matter enough to him that thoughts of my death would be frightening enough to slip into his subconscious and become a thing of nightmares. 

“You are enough. Nothing is going to happen to me and if it does it’s not going to be because of you.” Anakin’s lips press together in a way that implies serious uncertainty. His thumb brushes across my cheek so unexpectedly I almost ask him what he’s doing. The intensity behind his eyes is enough to burn me. “Was your dream really that bad?” 

He lets out an uncertain breath as his eyebrows draw together. I don’t miss the way his jaw clenches. “It’s more than the dream. I...y/n, princess,” he tacts on, a hint of humor returning to him, “you’re more than a mission to me.” 

The admission is so soft I can’t help but smile. “I know, Anakin, we’re--” 

“You’re more than a friend to me.” I don’t know if my blood freezes in my veins or if my lungs don’t contract when they should or if my heart literally skips a beat, but I know something in me completely stops at his words. “I--” 

“Don’t say it.” I don’t know how I managed to cut him off so sharply and I’m a little disappointed when I do, but it’s the right thing to do. Thought of the code that’s so important to him have clouded half the immense shock and joy swelling in my chest. “What you’re trying to say...I um, I want to say the same.” I try to drop my gaze but he tilts my head up slightly with his hand. “But we shouldn’t, you know that.” 

"You want to us to pretend that nothing’s different? You want me to escort you from meetings with one suitor to the next every Coronation Season until you’re married off?” 

“No, I’m not saying that. The point is that I’m not saying anything.” His eyebrows draw together in uncertainty. “Isn’t it enough for now, for both of us to just know? If we say it...that could mean bad things for you. And I don’t want to be a bad thing for you.” 

“You could never be.”

It’d be so easy to believe him. To believe him and to let him say what I never imagined I’d be able to hear and damn the consequences of tomorrow. “Can we just refrain from verbally saying anything until you’re sure?” 

“I’m sure right now. I’ve been sure since the first time we ever walked in the garden together. The night after the first Coronation Ball I escorted you to.” 

I remember that night well. The way he hadn’t scolded me for needing air or taking off my uncomfortably high heels to walk in the grass. “If you mean it, you won’t say it yet. I refuse to get in the way of what you’re meant for.”

His thumb runs my cheek entirely, stopping at the corner of my mouth. “Are you capable of not disagreeing with me?” 

Rolling my eyes slightly, I place my hand over his. “Probably not.” 

Anakin exhales, his playful irritation clear in the sound. “You’re impossible when you’re tired.” 

“I am not tired.” 

“I can see the sleep in your eyes.” 

“I can see it in yours too.” 

He pauses, eyebrows drawn together cautiously. “I’ll go to sleep if you do.”

He must be more tired than I thought if he’s compromising with me so quickly. “Deal.” 

Neither of us close our eyes for a long second, we just watch each other with wide eyes. It still doesn’t feel like he’s eased, but he’s come back to me so much more than he was earlier. I’ll make sure to check how he’s feeling in the morning. The first morning after we’ve...I don’t know. 

I’m trying really hard not to get excited because anything that’s been not said could be taken back so easily. That’s the point--but it’s hard not to let my heart get ahead of my rationality. I’ll just take the good for what it is for now and tomorrow we can figure out the rest. Even though he’s not allowed to form attachments and my father really wants to marry me off to foreign royalty.

Tomorrow. This can begin to be solved tomorrow. My eyes shut and I let myself roll fully onto my back. The second I’m comfortably settled, I feel Anakin shift against the bed. I’m too tired to open my eyes until I feel a weight placed against my chest. 

I open my eyes on instinct, less surprised than I should be when I see Anakin’s head resting against my chest. Before I can speak, I feel his arm rest against my side. “Anakin,” I breathe, my hand moving to smooth his hair out of his face the way I’ve wanted to for so long. “What did we just talk about?” 

“You said not to say anything,” he mumbles comfortably, “I’m not saying anything.” ...It is kind of the ideal compromise. Especially since I’m too tired to find reason and he feels so warm. “I can feel you overthinking. Go back to smoothing my hair before I have to rise and stand at your door so that your handmaid comes to wake you. Something tells me she’d be glad for the excuse to get rid of me.” 

That might be the most dramatic thing I’ve ever heard him say. Selma is the most patient woman in the palace. “Selma would never report anything involving me, I can’t believe you don’t like her. She’s the sweetest woman I’ve ever met.”  

“She’s the one that doesn’t like me,” he says, “she always watches me like she’s trying to figure out if I’m planning on stealing you away.” 

Too tired to fight my smile, I go back to smoothing his hair out with my fingers. After a moment, he lets out an exhale that relaxes his entire body. “Goodnight, princess.” 

“Goodnight.” The word is barely a mumble as I feel sleep tug against me for the second time tonight. 

It’s strange, but my excitement doesn’t diminish my tiredness, it just makes the prospect of rest feel so much fuller. Safer. Because there’s so much to sort out and grieve but it’s okay, because we have the time and everything feels okay because Anakin is here, right beneath my fingertips. 

[pazumane-archive]

Closing Time - Asahi x Reader

Characters: Asahi Azumane, female reader, original female character, small Taichi cameo

Relationships: Asahi Azumane x Reader

Genre: Fluff, hurt/comfort if you squint, SFW but 16+ please

Warnings: Alcohol, general drunken shenanigans, emetophobia (mentions of vomit), bad language

WC: 6.4k

Author’s Note: Hi everyone! This is a totally self-indulgent bedtime-scenario-type story because there is simply not enough Asahi/Reader content out there and I adore him. It’s also my first time writing in 2nd person, so PLEASE feel free to send me any feedback, please just be kind :) I really don’t like to use y/n, so I only used it a couple times towards the end when I wasn’t sure what else to do lol

The preview begins with the bolded text below and fic continues after the cut :)

Reblogs appreciated! <3

You weren’t planning on getting this drunk. But by the time it got to be about 11:30, you didn’t know what else to do. You had put so much effort and energy into making yourself look nice just for your date not to show up. Your roommate was out of town, so instead of going home and pouting, you figured you might as well have some fun while you were out. But you’ve never been good at exercising restraint, and the fact that you were alone wasn’t doing you any favors. But by closing time had rolled around, you could hardly see straight. You needed help, so you call upon an old friend.

“Do you have anybody you can call for a ride?” Kawanishi asks.

Kawanishi’s the bartender at this izakaya, and over the course of the night, you spent most of the time talking his ear off. He’s nice enough, and held pleasant conversation for the last few hours. He says he used to be a volleyball player, and had even played on the same team as a one of the guys on the Japan National Team. You forget to ask him which school he attended, but he probably was tired of talking to your drunk ass anyway, so you don’t bother asking. “Yeah,” you say, digging in your purse for your phone. “Are you sure? I can call a cab for you if you need it,” he offers. “Nah,” you say, hiccupping between words. “I’ll call somebody. Thank you though.” “No problem,” he says. “Just try to make it quick.” You scroll through your phone, trying to figure out who to call. Your roommate’s out of town visiting her parents, so she’s a no-go. You could call Kokomi. Honestly, she would deserve the 2AM phone call for setting you up on this failed blind date in the first place. Ever since you moved to Tokyo last month, she was constantly trying to set you up with somebody, whether it was a friend, a coworker, or some rando that she had met on the train. Unfortunately, all of them were jerks. And this one was the biggest jerk of all. You silently curse yourself for going along with her antics again.

“He’s great, you’ll love him!” “You said that about the last three guys you tried to set me up with, Kokomi.” “Please!! You’ll never know if you don’t even give him a chance.”

Well, you gave him a chance. And it ended up with you all alone, drunk as hell in an unfamiliar part of the city. You dial Kokomi’s number, but it goes straight to voicemail. “Bitch,” you mutter. You unlock your phone again and look through to find somebody that might be able to take you home. You scroll back to the top of your contact list, and your eyes settle on another name. He lives just a few blocks away, and knowing him, he’s probably awake working on something anyway. You click on his contact and wait for him to answer.

*

The exhaustion’s starting to get to him. It’s the weekend and he can afford to stay up an extra couple of hours to finish this design, but the combination of fatigue and frustration are taking over. He sets down his pencil and moves towards his bed, until his cell starts to buzz. He glances over at the clock on the wall. 1:49 AM.

Who could possibly be calling at this hour?

Asahi picks up his phone, surprised to see your name on the screen. His heart skips a beat in his chest, both from excitement and nervousness. Aside from his teammates, you’re one of the only people he bothered to keep in contact with after high school. The two of you had even met up a few times since you moved to the city, but he never would have expected you to call at this hour unless… unless something is wrong. “Hey you, what’s up?” He says, choking back a yawn. “Hiiiii Asahiiii!  I tried to call Kokomi but she didn’t answer her phone… could you come pick me up?” Your voice is thick and your words are almost unintelligible as you speak. It’s obvious that you’re far from sober. “Where are you?” Asahi asks, failing to mask the anxiety in his voice. “Are you okay? Are you safe?” “M’fine,” you slur. “But I…” Suddenly the call drops. Asahi calls you back in a panic, his heart racing as he waited for you to answer. You could be in danger and he’d be powerless to help you. He doesn’t even know where you are. “Hello?” A man’s voice comes through the speaker. “Who are you? Where is she?” Asahi asks frantically. “Relax, man. I’m just the bartender,” he says. “Look, your friend’s next to me, but she’s on the verge of passing out. Can you come get her before she pukes all over my bar? She’s at Zoetrope. You know where that is?” “Of course, I’m on my way now! I’ll be there in ten minutes,” Asahi says, grabbing his apartment keys and putting on a pair of shoes. He’s out the door almost immediately.

*

Kawanishi presses your phone back into your hands. Your head is spinning so fast that you struggle to keep your eyes open. “Is he coming?” you ask. “Yeah, he’s on the way,” Kawanishi says. “He’ll be here soon. Now do me a favor, don’t get this drunk the next time you come into my izakaya or I’ll have to kick you out.” “You’re kicking me out???” “Only if you start throwing up,” he says under his breath. “I’m not going to throw up!” you exclaim, suddenly becoming very aware of the churning in your stomach. You grumble, slumping over the bar. You squeeze your eyes shut, the spinning in your head only getting worse with every breath you take. You feel like you’re going to die, and honestly, between the embarrassment of being stood up and the wave of nausea coming over you, you’re ready to welcome that death with open arms. “Hey!” Kawanishi says, smacking the bar next to your head. “Your friend’s going to be here soon, don’t fall asleep or I’ll throw you out on the street myself.” “I’m sorry, Kawanishi-san.” You sit up slowly and cradle your head in your hands once more, trying to make the world stop spinning.

Please get here soon, Asahi.

*

Asahi sprints down the street as fast as he can towards the izakaya. He’s sure that he looks suspicious running down the street alone at night, but he doesn’t care. You’re in trouble, and he’s the only person that can help you. He finally makes it to the bar and hastily pulls the door open. You’re dressed beautifully, and your makeup and hair are exquisitely done. Unfortunately, the way you’re slumped over the bar makes it obvious that something’s wrong. He’s not sure what happened, but whatever it was, it must have been rough. The bartender gently helps you out of your seat, and Asahi can’t help but think that he looks very familiar. You straighten up and as soon as you make eye contact with Asahi, you perk up. “Asahi-san!” you exclaim, rushing towards him and almost falling over. You crush him in an unexpectedly tight hug. “Long time no see, big guy!” “I saw you three days ago,” he says under his breath. You continue babbling unintelligibly, and Asahi looks up at the bartender. “Did she close out her tab?” Asahi asks. “I took care of it already,” the bartender replies. “Please just make sure she gets home okay. She’s had a rough night.” “Yeah, of course,” Asahi says. “Thanks for helping her out.” “No problem.” Asahi peels your arms off him and starts to nudge you towards the door. Just before the two of you leave, Asahi stops and turns back to the bartender. “Have we met before?” he asks. “I played for Shiratorizawa. Didn’t think I’d see you again, Karasuno Samurai.” Asahi frowns slightly. He hasn’t heard that nickname high school, and it’s weird hearing it again now. “Right,” he says. “Well, thanks again. Have a good night.” Asahi leads you out of the bar and down the sidewalk. You hold tightly to his arm, stumbling over yourself. He braces you against his side, and you take this opportunity to tease him a little bit. “Do you like my outfit, Asahi-san?” you ask, pressing into his side. “Yeah, it’s really nice!” he answers nervously, turning his head to hide the blush creeping up his cheeks. He’s not lying – you look beautiful, both your top and your skirt accentuating your curves in all the right places. But it would be wrong to say anything more than that while you’re in this state. That wouldn’t be fair to either of you. He brusquely clears his throat and keeps walking as soon as the light signals that you can cross. “I dressed up extra nice tonight, but it didn’t even fucking matter,” you grumble, your voice breaking slightly. Asahi either doesn’t hear you, or does hear you and decides not to say anything. “I’m soooo glad you’re here,” you say, drawing out your words even longer than you were a minute ago. “I’m sorry, this is super embarrassing! I should’ve figured this out on my own.” “It’s okay,” Asahi says. “How long have you been in Tokyo again?” “A month? I think?” “Exactly,” he says. “You probably don’t know your way around that much. I’d feel terrible if I wasn’t able to help you find your way home.” “Meh,” you say. “I’ve had the worst night of my fucking life, so maybe it would be better if I passed out in a ditch somewhere.” “Do you want to talk about it?” Asahi asks. “No,” you answer quickly. “Okay.” You start blathering again and Asahi has to practically drag you down the street behind him. The station just past his apartment has a train that can drop you right by your building. He can just take a cab back after he gets you home. He considers inviting you stay the night at his place since it’s right there, but he’s afraid of being weird, so he doesn’t say anything. The two of you come to a stop at the train station… which is closed. “I’m sorry,” Asahi says remorsefully. “I guess the train stopped running at midnight. I’ll call you a cab.” He goes to pull his phone out of his pocket, but you grab his hand before he can. “Can I stay at your place tonight?” you ask sheepishly. “I… my roommate is out of town. And I’m really not doing good right now. I just really don’t want to be alone.” Despite how out of it you’ve been since he picked you up, Asahi sees nothing but complete sincerity in your eyes. Tonight must have been really rough. “Are you sure?” he asks. “I’ll just sleep on the couch- or a futon if you have one!” you say, nodding. “Okay.” Asahi turns back towards his apartment and you follow closely behind him, not letting go of his hand the entire time.

*

Asahi helps you across the threshold of his apartment and sits you down on a chair by the door. “Asahi-san, you’re so handsome with your hair down like that,” you say, reaching up to twirl a finger in his long chestnut tresses. “And you’re loopy,” Asahi mutters, disentangling your fingers from his hair. Once again, he finds himself hiding a blush. He’s not used to being showered with compliments, and he knows you wouldn’t be saying this stuff if you were sober. He kicks off his shoes and kneels down in front of you, helping you take yours off. “How are you feeling?” he asks you. “Can I get you some water or a some–” “Why didn’t you ask me out when we were in high school?” you ask suddenly. “I think I made it pretty obvious that I had a crush on you. It’s all I could think about when you were holding my hand back there.” “I – I, uh,” Asahi stammers. You burst out laughing, startling Asahi. It’s that same boisterous laugh you’ve had for as long as he could remember knowing you. You were always self-conscious about it in high school, but your laugh has always been one of Asahi’s favorite things about you. Despite the fact that it’s at his expense, he’s glad to see your mood improve. Asahi considers your question for a moment. He really liked you too back then, and everyone knew it. Suga and Daichi constantly teased him for it.

So why hadn’t he asked you out back then?

Well, for a number of reasons. He spent so much of his third year focused on volleyball that he didn’t have the mental or emotional capacity for much else. He hadn’t even planned on going back to school after graduation until Nishinoya helped convince him to pursue his passions. He felt directionless, and he didn’t want to burden anybody else with his indecision. But most importantly, he was scared you’d reject him. Suga was right. He really was a coward. He’d dated a few people since high school graduation, but none of them made him feel the way you did, and they didn’t treat him as well as you would have. Which begs the question – why hasn’t he asked you out since you moved to Tokyo? He pushes the thought to the back of his mind. This isn’t the kind of conversation to be having when you aren’t even able to form a coherent sentence. Asahi’s thoughts are interrupted by your hand on his shoulder and a loud hiccup. “I should wash my face. Can I wash my face?” “Sure,” Asahi says, helping you stand up. You stumble forward, but he catches you easily and pulls you back to your feet. He quietly leads you to the bathroom and sits you down on the edge of the bathtub. “I’m sorry,” you say. “I’m a mess.” “No, you’re not. Hold on a second,” he says, opening the drawer under the sink. He pulls out a small package of makeup wipes and takes one out. He kneels in front of you and begins wiping the makeup off your face. “I know they’re not great for your skin,” he says. “But it’s better than nothing, right?” “Why do you even have those?” you ask between hiccups. “Do you wear makeup? I mean, it’s obviously fine if you do, but it doesn’t really seem like your thing.” “I don’t, but you never know when they’ll come in handy! I do work with a lot of makeup artists,” he says, somewhat defensively. You get the sense that he’s lying about something, but Asahi changes the subject before you can probe him any further. “So what were you doing there by yourself?” he asks. “It’s not safe to be alone so late at night.” Clearly this was the wrong thing to ask. All the negative emotions and thoughts you were having all even spring to the forefront of your mind, and you start to cry. Asahi starts apologizing profusely, but you wave him off. “It’s fine,” you sniffle, wiping a tear away from your cheek. “Kokomi was trying to set me up with one of her friends, but he never showed up.” Asahi sits back on his heels. Kokomi is another girl from Karasuno that ended up in Tokyo. She wasn’t in the same class as him, but he remembers how loud she always was in the hallways. Honestly, both of you were always loud, but you’ve always been much more considerate of others than Kokomi ever was. “Shit,” he mumbles. “That really sucks. I’m sorry.” “Yeah. It does suck.” Asahi grabs another wipe and asks you to close your eyes. You do as he says, and he lightly wipes off your eye makeup. He’s worked with enough models to recognize that you’re wearing false eyelashes, so he gently pulls those off too. You feel yourself start to wobble on the edge of the tub, so you grip his arm to steady yourself. “I’m sorry,” you whisper. “It’s okay,” he says. “You don’t need to keep apologizing to me.” “Do you think there’s something wrong with me?” you ask suddenly. “Wait, what?” “I just… this keeps happening to me. Everyone always says that it’s because they’re not the right person for me, but it’s starting to feel like there’s just something wrong with me instead,” you say, choking back a sob. “I know I just moved here, but I’m just so lonely. I hate feeling like I’m not good enough.” Asahi tenderly wipes a tear from your cheek and cups your face in both hands. “Hey, look at me. There is nothing wrong with you,” he says sincerely. “That guy is an idiot and a jerk. If he had any idea how extraordinary you are, he never would’ve done that to you.” You can’t bring yourself to look him in the eyes. You don’t feel like you deserve to be spoken to like this – with such genuine kindness and sincerity. Asahi makes you feel so good. So special. He always has. And he’s just so… tender, especially for somebody who looks as intimidating as he does. You wonder if those feelings from high school ever truly went away. You sit up straighter and try to smile at him, but your stomach flips unexpectedly and violently. “Asahi-san?” you ask, gripping his shoulder tightly. “Yeah?” he replies. “Toilet.” Asahi moves out of the way as fast as possible. You hunch over the rim and retch into the toilet bowl. Asahi quickly scoops up your hair and holds it behind your head as you throw up. “Please, just leave me,” you mutter. “I’m gonna fucking die here.” “I’m not going to leave you here and you’re not going to die,” Asahi says, gingerly picking up the last loose strands laying on your neck and holding them back with the rest of your hair. Your back tenses up again before you begin heaving once more. Asahi tucks his nose into the collar of his shirt, careful to make sure that he’s out of your field of vision. He wants to be there for you but he had a weak stomach himself and the sight and smell of somebody else’s vomit is something he knows he won’t be able to handle. You mumble weak apologies between hacks, but Asahi just ignores them and rubs your back gently. After what feels like an eternity, the churning in your stomach finally stops and you reach up towards the flush handle. The exhaustion in your body and heart finally begin to catch up with you, and your hand falls back to your side. “I got it. Do you think you���re done?” Asahi asks, coaxing you back up into a seated position. You nod, too tired to try to speak. Asahi quickly tugs his shirt back down from his face before you can see and closes the toilet lid. “I’m sorry,” you mumble. “Don’t be,” Asahi says, flushing the toilet. “I’m your friend. I want to help you. And I’ve already told you that you don’t need to apologize to me.” Asahi helps you sit on the top of the toilet and rises to his feet. “Don’t go anywhere,” he says, scurrying out of the room. Although your eyes are closed, you still feel your body swaying. More than anything, you just want to go to sleep. Asahi pads back into the room and presses a wooden cup into your hands. “Drink this,” he says, turning on the faucet. Even though drinking something is the last thing you want to be doing right now, you go ahead and lift the cup to your open mouth. Cold water passes your lips and washes away some of the disgusting taste in your mouth. It feels gross, but you force yourself to drink all of it. Asahi takes the cup from your hand and turns the faucet back off. You flinch at the feeling of a damp washcloth on your face. “It’s okay,” Asahi says gently, cradling your chin with his free hand and angling your face up. “Just cleaning you up a little.” You murmur in acknowledgement and Asahi continues to wipe your face down. You almost fall asleep sitting on his toilet, but he gently shakes you to keep you awake. “Stay with me for another minute,” he says softly. “You can go to sleep soon. You’re gonna be just fine. I promise.” His words and his voice are so sweet that you want to cry. A couple rogue tears drip from your eyes and onto his hands. “I’m sorry,” you say once more. Asahi sets the washcloth on the counter and starts to pull you to your feet. You struggle to stay on your feet, so instead, he carefully scoops you into his arms and carries you out the bathroom. You don’t care where you go, you just need to sleep. Asahi’s pretty certain you’re asleep by the time he deposits you on his mattress. Your chest rises and falls slowly as he pulls his duvet over you. He begins to make his way to the couch, but stops when he feels you grab his hand. “Please don’t go, Asahi-san,” you whisper. “Please.” You tug harder at his fingers and he knows he can’t refuse you. He ends up sitting on the edge of the bed holding your hand until you fall asleep.

*

As soon as your quiet snores permeate the silence, Asahi untangles his fingers from yours. He brushes a loose strand of hair out of your face and he can’t help but let his eyes linger on your sleeping face for just a moment. The moonlight trickling through the window illuminates your hair and casts a silvery glow on your skin. Despite the awful night you’ve had, you look absolutely radiant. He feels himself blushing again, but he takes some comfort in the fact that he doesn’t have to try and hide it this time. Not while you’re fast asleep in his bed. He’s far too scared to admit it, even to himself, but he’s fantasized about falling asleep next to you many times before. But in those fantasies you weren’t drunk and crying over another man. Asahi sighs, stands up, and moves over to the dresser as quietly as he can. After setting a few things out for you, he goes into the bathroom, gets ready for bed and heads to the couch for the night.

*

By the time you wake up in the morning, you feel like you’re going to die. You can’t remember what exactly happened the previous night. The last thing you remember clearly was talking to the bartender about high school volleyball, of all things. Your head’s pounding, and your stomach aches painfully, screaming at you to please eat something. You don’t open your eyes, fearing that it would somehow trigger another round of vomiting. Eventually, you force yourself into a seated position and open your eyes. The bedroom you’re in is small, but pretty well-decorated. It’s decently tidy. The only mess is a few crumpled up clothing designs discarded on the floor next to the trash bin.

Designs? Did that mean?

You’re at Asahi’s apartment. In his bed. Your eyes widen in panic.

  What happened last night?

You’re still wearing the clothes that you wore to the bar last night. And there’s no evidence of him ever being in bed with you. You reach over towards your phone, which has been graciously plugged in for you and set on the bedside table. That’s when you notice the note along with a sleeve of crackers and a glass of ginger ale.

Good morning!

There’s a set of clothes you can wear at the foot of the bed and a spare toothbrush in the bathroom. Feel free to take a shower if you want. Extra towels are underneath the sink. Please have something to eat and drink too. You’ll feel better if you do.

-Asahi

P.S. Please don’t feel bad. It’s okay.

You grab a few of the crackers from the bedside table and eat them, washing them down with the ginger ale.

Why does Asahi have to be so damn considerate? The whole situation is so embarrassing.

You contemplate just grabbing your phone and getting the hell out of his apartment, but you’re not going to pass up the opportunity to shower. You finish the last of the crackers, chug down the ginger ale, and grab the spare clothes at the end of the bed. You turn the doorknob as silently as you can and awkwardly creep down the hall towards the bathroom, stopping briefly to peek in the living room. Asahi’s fast asleep on the couch, clad only in pajama pants and a pair of fuzzy socks. His hair is down and messily splayed across the throw pillow he’s resting his head on. Quiet snores pass his lips. He looks cute. Your eyes trail from his face and down to his stomach. Despite quitting volleyball after high school, he seems to have mostly maintained his athletic form, except for a tiny little layer of pudge on his lower stomach. The corners of your lips twitch up into a smile, until that little voice in the back of your mind reminds you of your place.

Quit staring, you perv! You need to get out of here!

You hurriedly continue down the hallway and jump into the shower as soon as you get into the bathroom. You think that maybe if you clean up fast enough, you can get out of Asahi’s apartment before he wakes up. However, as soon as you step into the shower, all worries about rushing out disappear into the back of your mind. You bask in the hot water, the steam clearing your sinuses and relieving some of the pain in your head. You silently thank the gods that Asahi actually uses conditioner, and not just 3-in-1 like most of the other men you were previously…. acquainted with. Although, it makes sense to you that somebody with hair like Asahi’s would have a strict haircare routine. As you shower, fragmented memories of last night start to come back to you.

Being stood up at the bar. Calling Asahi for help. Puking your guts out in his bathroom. Him carrying you into his room and laying you down on his bed. Him staying by your side until you fell asleep. You wishing he would’ve crawled into bed with you and held you through the night… Wait, what was that last part?

As soon as you’re done rinsing the conditioner from your hair, you step out of the shower and swiftly towel off. You find the spare toothbrush Asahi mentioned, take it out of the packaging, and brush your teeth with his toothpaste. The dry, gross feeling in your mouth is quickly replaced with a minty fresh taste. You slip on the sweatpants and t-shirt that Asahi left for you and dry your hair. Thankfully, Asahi isn’t as huge as most people make him out to be, so while the clothes he left out are a bit big on you, you’re not drowning in them. You’ll just bring them back some other day. You start combing through your hair, and that’s when you hear it – the sound of somebody padding around in the apartment. Shit. Once the footsteps quiet down, you rush out of the bathroom and towards the front door. Asahi eyes you as you scoop up your shoes, pushing his glasses up his nose. “Good morning!” he says kindly. “How are you feeling?” “I’m so sorry Azumane-san, it won’t happen again!” you say as you throw open the door and rush into the hallway. “Hold on, wait up!” he says as you pull the door closed behind you. You run all the way to the stairs at the end of the hallway and go to call Kokomi for a ride home. That’s when you realize that your phone is still plugged into the wall in Asahi’s room. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. You turn around and trudge back towards his apartment. Before you can even knock, the door opens slowly. Asahi stands there in just his pajama pants, holding your phone out to you. “You shouldn’t leave without your phone,” he says. You thank him and take your phone, a blush creeping up your cheeks. You try not to stare at his bare chest, already feeling like a creep for ogling him while he was sleeping. “Your clothes are still in the bathroom, too,” he says. “I can go get them for you. Or I can just wash them and give them back to you another time if you want to leave.” “No, that’s okay,” you say, covering your flushing cheeks with the collar of his shirt. “I’ll get them. Can I come in?” “Of course.” Asahi steps out of your way and you head straight for the bathroom, avoiding looking in his eyes. Asahi never gets angry, and you know he wouldn’t be mad at you over something like this, but a lingering sense of shame still washes over you. You scoop up your clothes and leave the bathroom. As soon as you cross the threshold into the living room, the smell of coffee and frying fish washes over you. Asahi stands in the kitchen, cooking breakfast. In the time that you were in the bathroom, he put on a Black Jackals sweatshirt and threw his hair into a loose bun. “Do you want a cup of coffee?” he asks, smiling at you and pouring his own cup. “It’ll help with the hangover.” You stand there and ponder his offer for a moment. Sensing your hesitancy, Asahi suddenly turns back to the stove and mumbles something that you can’t quite make out. “What did you say?” you ask. Asahi rubs the back of his neck, a nervous habit he’s had since you were kids. “I don’t mean to pressure you to stay or anything! I just thought it might help for you to have something more than crackers and ginger ale.” “You’ve done plenty to help me since last night,” you say. “But I’ll take that coffee if the offer is still on the table.” “It is!” Asahi says a little too enthusiastically for his own good. You can’t help but smirk as you take your seat at the kitchen table. Asahi pours you a cup of coffee and slides you a bowl of the rice and fish he made. You thank him quietly and start to eat. He slides into the chair across from you and eats his own breakfast, eyeing you carefully. “What?” you ask after catching him staring. “Since when have you ever called me Azumane-san?” he asks. “I don’t know,” you mumble into your coffee mug. “I didn’t think we reverted back from first name basis,” he says. “I thought we knew each other better than that.” “I don’t know,” you say, a devilish smile crossing your face. “Care to explain why you actually had those makeup wipes in your bathroom drawer? I doubt your makeup artists are coming over to your apartment.” Now it’s Asahi’s turn to blush again. “My ex-girlfriend left them here,” he says. “Felt like a waste to just throw them out.” “Ex-girlfriend?!” you exclaim suddenly, startling Asahi and causing him to drop the wipe on the floor. “I didn’t know you were seeing somebody!” “Yeah,” he says, throwing the wipe in the trash and grabbing a fresh one. “We broke up a while before you moved to the city. She left a bunch of her stuff here and refused to come pick it up. I think she was just too embarrassed to see me again. I got rid of most of it a while ago, but I kept some of the more… uh, utilitarian things.” “I’m sorry,” you say sincerely. “Why did you break up?” Asahi feels a slight pang in his chest. He met his last girlfriend through his job. She was nice enough, and things seemed like they were going okay until he showed up at her apartment to surprise her for their 6 month anniversary, only to find another man in her bed. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” you say. “It’s fine. She cheated on me with some other guy,” he says, his expression darkening. “I think they’re engaged now.” “Shit,” you say. “What a bitch.” “Woah, settle down, it’s okay –” “No, it’s not,” you say firmly. “You deserve someone way better than that. Somebody that treats you with the love and respect that you deserve.” Asahi knows you’re right, but he doesn’t really want to press it. That whole mess had done a number on his mental health, and he really doesn’t want to burden you with his emotional baggage. He adjusts his glasses again and forces a smile. “You know, you should really take your own advice,” he says. You try to think back on what you had said to him last night. The details are fuzzy, but you remember crying. A lot. Instead of answering him, you shovel down the last of the rice and fish. “Thank you for the meal,” you say. Asahi smiles and nods at you before beginning to clear the dishes away. You stand up and stop him, insisting that you clean up yourself. As you finish drying the bowls, your phone buzzes. You check it, only to see a handful of missed texts from Kokomi.

Ono Kokomi [8:32} Hey!! Sorry I missed your call. How was he?  (°◡°♡) [9:14] That good?  (^.~)☆ [9:18] Or that bad?! (;;;*_*) [9:57] HELLO?? (ﾉಥ益ಥ)ﾉ [10:32] ARE YOU ALIVE?!?!?!  〣( ºΔº )〣

You roll your eyes and quickly type out your response.

Y/N [10:33] Yeah, no thanks to you. (￢_￢;)

Ono Kokomi [10:34] Was it really that bad?

Y/N [10:34] He didn’t even show up. (╥_╥) [10:34] Azumane picked me up at 2 AM because I was too drunk to go home alone. I stayed the night at his place. [10:34] Speaking of which, can you come pick me up? Not really in a state to take the train and I think you owe me one.

Ono Kokomi [10:35] (⊙_⊙) [10:35] Spill. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Y/N [10:36] There’s nothing to spill. I threw up in his bathroom and he slept on the couch. Can you just answer my question please? (҂` ﾛ ´)凸

Ono Kokomi [10:36] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m on my way, lovebird. (￣ε￣＠)

“Everything okay?” Asahi asks. “Yeah,” you say, slipping your phone back into your pocket. “Kokomi’s going to come pick me up.” “Are you sure? I can take you if you want,” he offers. “Yeah, she’s already on her way,” you say, setting the bowl down and turning to face him. “Besides, you’ve done more than enough for me already over the last twelve hours.” You silently pick up your things and walk towards the door. Asahi rises from his chair and awkwardly clears his throat. “Do you have all your stuff?” You nod and smile. Before you open the door, you approach him and wrap your arms around his waist. He shyly hugs you back, hoping you can’t hear the rapid pounding in his chest. “Thank you, Asahi,” you whisper. “You’re amazing.” You let go first and leave his apartment quietly. As soon as the door closes, Asahi walks back into the living room and flops down on the couch. He covers his face with his hands and groans. This morning was almost too much for him – seeing you in his clothes, eating breakfast together, you hugging him before you left. It was all so painfully domestic, and he wishes it didn’t have to end. If only he wasn’t such a coward, he would’ve asked you to stay longer. He doesn’t know how long he lays there until he finally decides to get moving for the day and finish that piece he was working on when you called last night. He checks his phone and sees your name pop up on the screen.

Y/N [11:00] I’m home. Thanks again for babysitting me last night. Whatever did I do to deserve you as my guardian angel? ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ✩‧₊˚ [11:00] Or was that Noya-san? I forget. (^ω~)

Azumane Asahi [11:01] Lol. You’re welcome. And that was what we called Noya in our club days, but I don’t mind you calling me that too (* ^ ω ^)

Y/N [11:03] Let me make it up to you. [11:04] Come over for dinner tomorrow night?

Asahi almost drops his phone on his face. His fingers fumble as he types his response. He waits a moment before sending it, rereading it ten times to make sure he doesn’t come across as desperate.

Azumane Asahi [11:07] I’d love to. Do you want me to bring anything?

Y/N [11:08] That’s not necessary. I owe you a nice dinner. [11:09] You still like tonkotsu ramen?

Azumane Asahi [11:10] I do!

Y/N [11:11] It’s a date! See you tomorrow! (☞°ヮ°)☞ ☜(°ヮ°☜)

*

“You said nothing happened last night,” Kokomi says, staring over your shoulder at your phone. “Nothing happened, Kokomi. Now leave me alone,” you snap, tossing one of your throw pillows at her. She deftly catches it and plops down on the couch next to you. “Please,” she says, swatting you with the pillow. “The only reason you two haven’t gotten together is because you’re the densest people on the planet. I bet he’s flopped down on his couch right now thinking about how he doesn’t even want to wait that long to see you.” “Shut up,” you grumble. Kokomi’s phone rings and she quickly checks it. “Anyway, I have to go meet Kaito,” she says. “Got to go. Let me know how your date goes!” She waves and practically skips out the front door. You lay down and start making a shopping list for ingredients for tonkatsu ramen. As soon as you’re done, you set your phone down and cross your arms over your face.

“I bet he’s flopped down on his couch right now thinking about how he doesn’t even want to wait that long to see you.” No, Kokomi. That’s me.

[rotshop]

(leans in very close to the mic)

Hi

so. gonna be honest i dont like how this is written. lol. but!! idk its a fun idea i think soooo <3

mostly 2b x reader but there's some Deimos hints maybe a little

tw ; death, brief talk / mentions of corpses, disassociation and heavily implied betrayal / murder of one's friend

2b had become accustomed to seeing bodies in his line of work. Even in his lifestyle he'd become used to seeing them. His younger self would've been shocked and sickened at the sight of them, now they just blended into the background for him. That's part of why he insisted you were fine for so long.

You'd gone missing after going on a mission with Sanford, Deimos, and Hank. It wasn't anything super special, another base to clear out and look for any data that you didn't already have. 2b had stayed behind, full expecting someone to get injured and him having to deal with it. Despite him seemingly knowing someone would get injured, he never expected anything more than that.

That's why he'd begun to grow uncomfortable when they'd stayed out much later than he originally expected. He'd tried to call in to any of them to no avail. He was left completely in the dark in terms of what was going on. So, he simply sat in his quarters and waited in silence. It didn't take too long for him to slip into unconsciousness.

He'd been woken up by the sound of tires crunching down dry sand and dirt. He'd had to wait a moment for his eyes to adjust to the darkness of his room, glancing around a bit to make sure everything was in order still. Distantly, deimos' voice could be heard, tone off in a way 2b noticed but..couldn't place. A few moments passed as he waited, typically after a mission you'd talk with the others for a bit before going and checking on him. It seems like you were taking your time tonight, it was fine of course, he liked knowing you were on good terms with the others. Though, he was a little desperate to see you at the moment, he'd never get to tell you that though.

He'd stumbled a bit, sleep still clouding his mind as he did his best to put one foot in front of the other. The conversation became both clearer and more muddled as he drew closer and closer. Finally, the other three came into view- three. You were absent. That'd managed to wake him up, confusion replacing his previous grogginess as he watched quietly for a moment.

"Hank- We have to go back, what if they're passed out somewhere in that fucking building and they wake up and don't know where they are and-" Deimos stumbled over his words, hands gesturing animatedly in some sort of desperation.

'It's too dark out, it's not safe for us to be there this late,' came Hank's reply, signed finely. 2b noted how calm he seemed about this.

Deimos went to go say something further before 2b had cut him off, "What's all this about?"

Deimos turned quickly to look at the other man, shaking his head, "I- Fucking. [Name] is missing. We all got split up and when we found each other again they were gone so we tried to look for them and we just- we didn't find anything. Not a single fucking trace."

The clear desperation made 2b's heart drop. You were missing in the dead of night at a base. He knew full well you could handle yourself well, you were strong enough on your own and you'd proved that time and time again. Even then, he couldn't shake off the concern and the cold laying in the back of his mind. As Sanford apologized and patted him on the back he recognized it.

It was fear. He was afraid.

He didn't sleep after that. He'd spent the night up staring at the ceiling as he thought it over again and again. He'd argued with himself over it, one side insisting you would show up eventually and another insisting you were simply gone. He felt sick.

The next morning he'd gone out with the other three to look for you again. Then the day after that and then the one after that, then the one after that one, until eventually it was just himself looking for you. Deimos had joined him one more time, despite him already giving up hope he still tried. He still wanted to be there for 2b, it was obvious that he was taking this even worse than he was.

"I don't know I just..I mean, I thought I saw Hank follow after 'em but he said he hadn't seen where they went," Deimos spoke up, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably.

2b paused and looked back at him, "Hank went after them and didn't just keep following them? We've always kept in pairs on missions like these."

Deimos returned the look, "I guess? He..didn't say much about it, he just said he'd lost sight of them because of some soldats."

He tensed and went quiet for a few long moments. It clicked and his paranoid suspicions had been confirmed. Deimos tilted his head at thee other's actions, mind already swarming with questions and concerns. "Are..are you ok?"

2b didn't respond.

They went home.

By some miracle (arguing.), 2b had managed to bring Hank back to that base. The way there had been silent, deafeningly so. Hank had turned to ask something when he'd heard a click.

"I want you to take me to where you did it."

2b had a pistol held up at him. He knew it wouldn't affect him very much, maybe stun him for a few moments but nothing too harmful. He couldn't tell if it was better or worse that way.

'I don't know what you're talking about.'

"No, Hank, you do. I'm tired. I don't want to argue with you over this," he steeled himself, "Just take me there already."

There was a long pause. 2b couldn't see Hank's eyes behind the goggles but he knew he was staring down at him. For all he knew, he could've been glaring daggers at him, he didn't care. He was too far gone to worry about that right now. Wordlessly, Hank began to walk off.

Eventually, he'd stopped outside of a room, jerking his head a bit to motion for 2b to look for himself. He didn't want to, he didn't want to see it but he knew he'd never have closure if he didn't. Reluctantly, he'd peered in, pistol still trained on Hank.

There was nothing. A few scattered burn marks across the room but aside from that, it was nothing out of the ordinary. 2b was quick to turn back to Hank, confusion and dry irritation evident as his grip on his weapon tightened.

"I'm not fucking joking. This isn't it-"

'It is,' Hank cut in, going to continue before he'd stopped.

"Then where are they."

He peered down at him for another moment or two, deathly silent before he spoke up, "They didn't leave a body behind."

2b felt sick.

"They didn't bleed. They just fell and dissipated."

He wanted to scream.

"They put up a fight."

He didn't come back home after that. Deimos had shown up somewhere in the night. The hours were lost on 2b, too numb to even try and keep track of them. He just vaguely registered the other man sitting down next to him in silence, tears still running down his face as he'd shook.

It'd taken 2b a while to notice it. It had been laying under a desk behind a tipped over box, hidden in the dark. It was a halo. Specifically, your halo. He'd been hesitant to touch it, you'd let him in the past, insisting you trusted him and that it would be ok. Now though, he just felt some guilt over it.

It'd taken him a while to sort any real thought over what he would do. He was alone now, for the most part. Deimos had yet to really decide what he was going to do, too upset to have a clear mind about it. He didn't blame him for it, he wouldn't be upset even if he went back to the others.

He stared up at the ceiling for a moment longer or two before something dragged him up. Distantly, he felt himself walk forward, looking for something. It didn't take him too long, the barbs digging into his hands as he picked it up off the ground. He had some things to clear up, he would need your help with that.

With that final thought, he placed the halo atop his head and allowed it to take the reigns.

[clotpolesonly]

2021 Fic Year In Review

i was tagged by @rhyslahey, @inell, AND @luulapants so i guess i gotta do the thing now alkjdfg 😂

Total number of completed works: 32, which is more than i thought tbh, but it’s mostly been because of the stiles shipping central discord server’s monthly ficlet exchange, soooo thanks for keeping me going when i otherwise had no motivation whatsoever.

Total word count: once i get the ficlet i’m working on now posted, it’ll be about 53k for the year. which.....is decent, i suppose. but i fall into the trap of comparing myself to my previous self, aaaaand it’s by FAR the least i’ve written annually since i started writing fic again after high school. like, almost 1/5 of my most prolific years. trying to remind myself consistently that it’s okay and even good to have periods of rest and lowered productivity, especially under the circumstances. my brain juice will return from the war eventually probably.

Fandoms written in: Teen Wolf and Merlin, which yeah it was kind of nice to foray briefly back into the latter!! hadn’t written for Merlin in a long time.

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected? my expectations for the year were pretty low, i think, after last year was also an extremely unproductive year and i wasn’t feeling much better about things. so, like, i wish i’d written more, but i’m also glad that i wrote anything cuz that was not guaranteed 😬😭😅

What’s your own favorite story of the year? honestly, none of the ones i’ve written this year stand out to me very much..... scanning through the list and it’s taking me EFFORT to even remember what some of them ARE, adlfkh. i guess if i had to pick one, i might say If We Exiled Our Sins?? i originated a pairing tag, first one to write it, and that’s pretty exciting lol. i think i like that fic a lot.

Did you take any writing risks this year? besides writing that pairing ^? not really, i don’t think. everything was pretty chill, low effort and low engagement, short and easy.

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year? write more, get my mojo back. try and write something longer than 7k. maybe even a multichap. i miss being able to write long stories 😭

Most popular story of the year? by hits, A Kiss To Remember (Merthur). by kudos, Reach Out, In Reach (Sterek). by bookmarks and comments, Love Is Blind And So Is Stiles (Sterek). by subscriptions, Kids, They Say (Stiles & puppy pack), which surprises and amuses me.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Things I Learned In The Storm maybe??? an Erica character study thing, which i quite liked but which got very little response.

Most fun story to write:  Love In The Age Of Sustainable Gardening Practices (Steter) was quite fun 😂

Most unintentionally telling story: uuuhhhh, i don’t think i projected much on any of my stories this year?? there wasn’t much substance to most of them, and 95% of them were based on prompts/requests from others, so they weren’t just things i felt compelled to put out there.

Biggest disappointment: i posted a couple of fics that were gifts for people who didn’t respond to them literally at all......so. that was fun. wonder if they read them......

Biggest surprise: talking myself into accidentally genuinely shipping Laura/Noshiko 🤣 

tagging: ......i can’t think of any writers whom i haven’t seen already get tagged aldkfjghadfg rip

[pfreadsandwrites]

Kakashi NSFW Alphabet

18+ CONTENT AHEAD - NO MINORS - ANY MINORS CAUGHT INTERACTING WITH THIS POST WILL BE BLOCKED

Okay, attempt 2 - That’ll teach me to try ever posting from the mobile app. This is a rewrite from scratch and I’m way too tired to reread and see if it makes sense or if there are typos, it’s probably not a good thing this is longer than the original though.

No one asked for this, no one at all, and I know everyone’s done these but hey, it’s Kinktober, and you can never have too many Kakashi headcanons, right? Right? Right. I hope you enjoy these!! Goes without saying that these’ll be smutty. It’s also about 6.4k words. There is some real filth ahead, very nsfw, seriously, the thirst is so real. (I hate myself), so, this is 18+ only!

Also, I'm tagging @allthingskakashi​ because she asked me to (i really hope these aren’t disappointing)

Side note: This is all written from the view of an established relationship. I can kinda remember most of what I said, so these will be still be very long despite being a rewrite from scratch. Apologies for any rambles and tangents I might go on, since I was rewriting this, my brain got weird and tired, but I wanna take you through my thoughts. I’m also very concerned about keeping things in character and not self-indulgent/self-projecting of what the writer’s personally into so I won’t be doing that here... You’ll see what I mean as I go on. But I still wanna make it hot so i’ll try lol. I’m new to writing but I’m even newer to writing dirty stuff so i’ll try my best. And with this post goes my dignity

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Straight after sex is one of the rare times where Kakashi feels completely at ease and relaxed. He’s pensive, often quietly mulling over what you two have just been doing and trying to come to grips with it, his hands gently running through your hair or along your back. He’s probably at his most affectionate here too. Expect gentle, lazy caresses, little kisses here and there, soft, easy conversation. He might not always be the most talkative, but post-coitus is where you’ll most likely hear him say something earnest and romantic compared to other times. You’ve gotta understand, you’re a miracle, and you being in his arms is like heaven, but he can’t really believe it? But he’s also overwhelmed and tired to let it bother him too much, so he’s able to let his doubt and restraints go a little easier and just breathe. He feels safe, he feels at home and that’s a rare thing, so he’s really just happy to bask in the afterglow and the quietude of it all. It’s the safest, easiest thing in the world for the both of you.

If he’s been on the rougher side, he’ll definitely make sure you’re alright and be more gentle in comparison. and he’s generally more attentive than usual. He’s usually nice about cleaning you up, too, a gentleman lmao.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Kakashi quite likes his upper body, or his torso more generally. He’s lean and broad, but not in an overbearing or obvious way, and he really likes the reaction he gets when you actually do get to see him shirtless. He’s also a little sensitive on his back (and he doesn’t mind if you end up scratching it). But if you rub his shoulders or massage his back or chest, he’s putty in your hands.

When it comes to a partner? So the fandom seems to be consistent in thinking of Kakashi as an ass man, and I’m inclined to agree. He just loves to grab it, slap it, just look at it tbh or whatever, but even if you don’t think your ass is that great, there’s very high probability that he does anyway. But honestly I think he’d have a hard time picking a favourite part of your body.

Some other body parts he definitely loves that don’t get mentioned though: he just loves your waist and how it curves in and out into your hips. He’s mesmerised by it.

plz imagine Kakashi’s nice big hands running gently running along your waist while he thrusts into you deep and slow, your back arching and then they settle on your hips?

Also, he loooooves legs, how they feel wrapped around him, the soft thighs omg. When you wear stockings or heels or other things that accentuate them, ahajhfkaj have mercy on him. Also, wrists and ankles? They’re so pretty and delicate he’ll just grab them where he can. If you both are in some kinda position where he can, he’ll definitely give you lil ankle kisses. also wear an anklet to see him blush

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

So uh, I’m really doing this, huh?

Soooo hear me out. Kakashi’s diet is impeccable. I don’t take criticism here lmao, it’s been mentioned multiple times how much he hates deep fried stuff and sweets (yeah yeah he’s one of those weirdoes that enjoys healthy food most, Kakashi we get it) and he’s always feeding Naruto veggies (or trying to). My point? His cum would taste good, okay? Or at least, not strong or bad at all, very neutral if not good. (You have zero problems swallowing)

Also, he cums a pretty good amount. He tends to try and hold back his orgasm so when he does come it does build up. Coming inside you is his favourite, just the intimacy of it, of filling you like that.

But…. he’s pretty ashamed of it at first, but he does love coming on his partner. Whether it’s on your face (ughhhh when you lick up some of his cum around your mouth after a blowjob), or your breasts, or your back, or wherever tbh. He doesn’t know whether it’s the visuals, the eroticism of it or even a territorial aspect? He doesn’t wanna ponder it too much it’s just hot okay.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

So this one was hard… because, unpopular opinion, I don't see him as into anything too crazy or depraved?

But here’s what I came up with: he’s totally fucked in the Hokage’s office. It’s only a dirty secret because of how improper that is, how inappropriate it is that the man in charge of the whole village is having sex in the very epicentre of where he’s supposed to be doing that, when other Hokage have been in that room before him… but it’s also why he’s into it.

Also, he’ll die before he ever admits to you exactly how many times he’s jerked off to the thought of you. And after you got together into a pair of your panties when you were away and he missed you too much

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Short version: Kakashi’s not as experienced as you might think, but this doesn’t translate into lack of skill in any way.

The long version: Ahhh so I go back on forth on this but I’ma attempt to think this through here. Okay, so, fandom has generally two sides when it comes to Kakashi and this topic. He’s either the completely suave, smooth ladies’ man who has all the one night stands or on account of his issues he’s a passive, stuttering virgin who’s constantly flustered.

Neither of these are that accurate. So I do get ladies man Kakashi to a point. It comes from the fact that he is quite smooth? And women do seem to like him quite easily in the series. And Kakashi definitely has the capacity to be a charmer, and is quite good at flirting when his job requires it or it’s a stranger etc. He’s good at reading people and winning them over. This is more complicated when he’s faced with someone he’s attracted to, or that has the potential to mean something to him. He still might be charming, but he’s very good at using this to keep you further from him, so you can’t really get to know him or get close to him so it’s not quite the same. It’s his way of controlling the distance between you.

Now, when it comes to experience, I don’t think Kakashi’s incapable of using casual sex as some kind of a coping mechanism (it’s not the healthiest), but if he was going to do this, it’d be during the latter part of his ANBU years. I can see him having sex as just a means to forget and remember he’s alive, and quell an urge, with basically faceless partners, or maybe complete strangers on missions. This does make him feel even lonelier after a while though, and it’s not really what he wants. Eventually having sex with women he’ll never see again serves to make him more miserable, and I think by the time we see him at the beginning of the series he doesn’t really do this anymore. So I wouldn’t say he’s completely inexperienced sexually at least, though he definitely is romantically.

Generally after that, Kakashi’s gonna reserve sex for someone who he has a deep emotional and physical connection with, but God forbid he ever calls it what it is - a relationship. Basically, if he’s sleeping with you, he pretty much loves you whether he knows it or not. And if he’s comparing that to his past experiences, he really feels the difference and cherishes it all the more (but it still scares him and he won’t admit it to himself.

So here’s how I see it. There’s always been a sexual chemistry between him and you, and a physical and romantic attraction. But of course Kakashi is Kakashi so he does absolutely nothing about it and doesn’t want to let you do anything about it. Still, you’re surprisingly persistent, and you do become close to each other in a friendly capacity, in whatever way Kakashi’s able to participate in that. Eventually, ( I haven’t thought this through quite yet) you do end up fucking and Kakashi tries to convince himself that he can just do that, that he can keep up having great sex with a great friend and that you don’t mean the world to him. You try to do the same, for his benefit, but you’re in deep and neither of you can’t deny there’s a bond and your connection is so strong that you’re basically in a relationship - and you kinda are by the time you start having sex - but he doesn’t really have the balls to actually call it that till after the 4th shinobi war. (I have some thoughts about how the war impacted Kakashi’s psychology but it’s generally then when he’ll genuinely feel comfortable enough to fully commit himself to you and see a future for himself, which he’s never really had before, and a future with you to boot).

To bring it back to this (I’m sorry what a fucking tangent), Kakashi’s maybe not had sex with a large amount of women, but he’s a quick learner and has natural skill. He also learns your body and what you like quickly. So whilst he’s not as experienced as he seems, he’s definitely more skilled than he has any right to be.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

When it comes to positions there’s very little he wouldn’t enjoy tbh. He does have an affinity for positions like doggy style, just the visuals and the power it gives him. It’s easy for him to get a bit carried away though, but that’s his go to when he’s feeling rougher.

When it’s more romantic and slow and sensual, he also loves variations of missionary, because he loves the intimacy of the eye contact, and how your body is so close he can hear your heartbeat but his absolute favourite positions are missionary variations where your legs are on his shoulders, or where he’s spreading your thighs as perpendicular as possible and really testing your flexibility are probably his favourite cuz legs, and he can go even deeper and get an amazing angle.

But he definitely likes it when you ride him too, whether you’re facing him or away, it just feels too good when you’re bouncing on him like that. Also it’s nice to relax a bit and not have to do more of the work… plz take care of him from time to time…

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He definitely has the capacity to be a fucking dork, as we know, and this has the potential to translate to his sex life. It��s a sign of complete ease if he can laugh and joke with you during, and he loves to have fun and play around with you, but at the same time, he does prefer to be serious most of the time. This means a lot to him and he’ll make sure you know that. He’s also gonna get a bit exasperated if you don’t seem to be taking it as seriously as him, or if you’re too into jokes and giggles for his liking that day. Probably will try and shut you up one way or another.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

(Ughh okay so the idea of Kakashi with a silver happy trail leading to a messy shockwave of hair down there really does things to me okay, I’m sorry, I’ll see myself out)

Okay so… Have you seen how Kakashi manages his hair? Spoiler alert: he doesn’t. I don’t even know if this man owns a hairbrush. So I can definitely see him not being assed about shaving his bush. It’s probably kind of wild, or at the very least more on the unkempt side.

But then again he’s assed enough to keep his face clean shaven so he can wear his mask, so maybe he does, like I do head canon that he’s a very clean person and he probably feels like it is a *bit* cleaner that way but I’m leaning towards nah he just leaves it alone, but will trim it from time to time when it gets too wild or if it bothers you. I do think he probably has slightly more body hair than you’d expect tbh, but his hair is so light especially against his complexion so it’s not really noticeable. Oh and obviously, the carpet matches the drapes. (Idk why this made me imagine Kakashi with a ginger bush..  LMAO there’s a thought)

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

It does depend on the mood between you, what kinda day he’s had, what position you’re in etc but he places a lot of value on sex in your relationship, for the intimacy and emotional bonding, not just the physical pleasure. So there are a lot of times where he’d be super intimate. Kakashi’s a man who chooses his words and actions very carefully in normal life and during sex he allows himself to let all that go. His actions really convey the depth of what you mean to him, what being with you like this means to him. He’ll hold you close to him, running his hands all over your body just to feel you everywhere, kiss you everywhere you can whilst he moves, bury his face into your neck, breathe you in - he just is very overwhelmed by this and there are times during your most intimate moments where he’s so in awe and so happy that he could die right there.

That being said, if he’s fucking you over his desk in the hokage’s office and it’s rough and fast, it’s a little harder to feel the intimacy and the romantic connection. Still, it is underlying every moment between you too. You’re the only ones that see these sides of each other, and make each other feel that way, and he really values that. He’ll still make it feel tender somehow and not just mindless fucking (no matter how blank he makes your head feel)

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

I don’t see him as being a particularly frequent masturbator tbh. He strikes me as disciplined and he can probably go a while without it, especially if he’s busy, but more than just that, he kinda sees it as an inconvenience he just has to do sometimes? To blow off some steam, or when he’s not had sex in a while or something got his mind racing and it’s a distraction because he literally can’t think about anything else. He’ll probably use his books, but he prefers to use his imagination tbh, though the books can start as a seed for that.

He also doesn’t like having to put too much effort into jerking himself off? He doesn’t like to overcomplicate things when it comes to his sex life, and especially when it’s just jacking off.

He just kinda wants to get it done so he can move on to something more productive or fall asleep or something. So he’s just happy to pump himself off until he gets there.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Okay here’s where I’m gonna lose some of you.

Kakashi’s just not that kinky. Or maybe not kinky by tumblr/fic standards. Like I said in the previous head canon, he just does not see the appeal of making his sex life more complicated than it needs to be and his kinks aren’t gonna be too crazy. He just wants to feel good with you and he’s not that difficult to get going. With that in mind, here are some things he likes:

Spanking ;)

Teasing

Face-fucking

Dirty Talk (to a point, anything too stupid sounding or too dirty might make him laugh or take him out of it…)

clothed sex (where you are so horny for each other you can’t even wait to get undressed properly)

semi-public sex (he would hate the idea of actually being seen but the idea of *almost* being caught is kinda hot to him, not that he’ll ever let that happen if he can help it),

body worship (is that a kink)

LIGHT dom (I’ll mention it more later but he’s not too extreme into this stuff, but if you call him Hokage-sama or captain he might get a little too into it… not that that’s bad) I heard someone call him general during the war arc and that shit SENT me

he maaaay do a a threesome with shadow clones (either two of his if you want that, but two of you seem kinda hot… that being said, this might delve into that ‘making things too complicated’ so Idk, this might just be hot to me cuz I would like two Kakashis to rail me and I do think he’d enjoy it if two of you focused on him),

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

The bed is fine but that’s really what he associates with either morning sex, or romantic, intimate lovemaking type stuff. When it’s more raunchy and playful, he really likes bending you over stuff tbh, his desk, kitchen counter etc most surfaces work well. He likes the shower too. Also, one time you both were just so hot for each other and didn’t make it to the bed and went at it on the hard floor and it was so wild and rough.

But he really loves fucking you up against walls, doors, mirrors, etc, Wall is his favourite, it’s just so intense and he gets animalistic and yeah it’s so good.

WAIT, how did I forget, sex in front of the mirror?! This is something he enjoys more with a more flustered or shy s/o who’s not used to looking at themselves. I have been thinking about writing something for this

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Kakashi’s more on the traditional side in terms of what he likes but it’s really not that hard to turn him on. He loooooveeees when you wear lingerie for him, anything pretty and lacy but also stockings and all that. But then there’s something about when it’s simplistic too, like when you’re just wearing his shirt and nothing else? That’ll get him going too. But yeah, plz surprise him with a sexy outfit when he comes home from a long day of work and he’ll love you 5ever.

I dunno why I’ve always thought this, but I also think he’s turned on by subtle, understated signs of femininity? It’s just such a contrast to what he’s used to and he really appreciates it and is just mesmerised by you tbh. It’s things that are natural, the way when you sit down your hips get that crease where they meet your thighs, you might sometimes look down when you smile softly, the way you walk, pretty hair. If you have a really classical, elegant/sophisticated kind of style he loves that. Kinda hard to explain what I mean with that but like, say a dress or skirt that shows off your curves but isn’t too revealing? It really gets his mind racing. That make sense? (No worries if that’s not your style either, like I say, it’s not that hard to turn him on) But I also think he kinda likes when you wear jewellery? Like nothing too ostentatious but if you’re naked beneath him and the only thing you’re wearing is a necklace or some fancy earrings he just thinks you look so beautiful.

He also likes the comfortable, gentle teasing and flirting in the conversations you have, the jovial aspect to them, the connotations they carry. You could say one comment and not mean a whole lot by it and it might get his mind racing. He’ll think about you all day.

I mentioned before but offering to massage his back/chest/shoulders is his favourite, and if you kiss his jawline or neck even innocently it might not be innocent for very long ;) just when you’re generally affectionate and gentle with him.

He’d definitely enjoy it if you were confident, but I also feel like he’d like a shyer s/o too? If you were a little easier to fluster than he is, he finds it much easier to be confident and make you feel that much better ;) he likes making you blush.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Okay, here’s where I’m definitely gonna lose some of you. But hang with me.

Short version: He doesn’t really like BDSM, be nice to him and let him be

Long version (I’m sorry guys):

By the time Kakashi’s in a loving relationship with you, he’s shown you his vulnerability and he trusts you, and he’s happy to try things within reason, but he has boundaries. And he expects you to respect them, just like he respects yours. You’re gonna frustrate him and make him close off if you’re wanting to push him to try new stuff or go out of his comfort zone. He can be set in his ways. If he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t want to. So if that’s not cool for you, that’s a turn-off.

He’s not into role-reversal. This is a tricky one to explain (and I’d explained it better in my first version of this that got lost to the void but alas this is where my memory is getting hazy), but though he’s a man with a lot of power and responsibility and control, these things aren’t necessarily things he’s insecure about or that come unnaturally to him. They’re not a persona or things he’s necessarily putting a lot of effort into being. He just is. He’s self-aware of his own abilities and strengths and he’s very a-matter-of-fact about them. I guess what I’m saying is, the more masculine attributes of his personality and demeanour that make some people say he’s DaddyAF and others say he’s probably not like that sexually, are just who he is naturally. He’s not putting effort into being these things and does not see the appeal of working to reverse this in the bedroom, or better yet, doesn’t really understand it. It’s way more effort for him to do that than it is for him to just be who he is. I could go way more into the psychology of this but this thing is long enough already but part of that accepting him for who he is is just letting him be. I’m saying he’s in no way a sub, basically.

But he’s not a huge dom, either. He’s actually really not into anything hardcore when it comes to dom/sub or bdsm stuff like at all. Like he’s not gonna be your daddy or your master or anything like that. He really values ease above all else and is happy to just enjoy the two of you and your body without adding extra layers of extreme power dynamics and kinks on top of it. He’s happy to be more on the authoritative side, which is why I say light dom, and it’s more natural for him to take the lead, but he’s not thinking about it too hard. I also don’t think he’d be averse to some mild power play - in that mean he likes it when you get a little cheeky, tease him, you can make fun of him, there’s a bit of cat and mouse between you, but if you’re too much into control or power that actually might bring out his rougher dominant side a bit more than normal. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not incapable of lying back and letting you do your thing.

…But he is still a bit of a control freak at heart and he doesn’t want to feel like something could go wrong, so if you make him feel like he can’t do anything about the situation or having no control at all is likely gonna be a bad experience for him.The other thing is that Kakashi doesn’t feel like he’s had control over his life where it counts, and he still feels pretty shitty about himself a lot. He’s not gonna wanna relinquish all control during his sex life, no matter how much he trusts you. He’d hate feeling completely passive, and if you humiliate him you’re just gonna make him feel shitty. He doesn’t wanna humiliate you either. So what I’m saying is, he’s just not into femdom or extreme male sub stuff or anything like that, sorry not sorry. He’s felt shitty enough in his life for you to turn it into a kink. He’s a pretty chill guy, but he still has his comfort zone, and he trusts you enough to be vulnerable, don’t take advantage of that. Be kind to Kakashi Hatake 2020.

With everything I’ve said so far, he’s never gonna let you peg him. It’s not something that really appeals to him visually or psychologically, plus any kind of receiving anal stimulation is just not really his thing. Leave Kakashi Hatake’s asshole alone 2020. Also, he doesn’t like the plastic/artificialness of toys in general, he’d much rather genuine skin on skin contact and feeling your body and you his, and just yeah you having to use toys on him will turn him off or seeing you in a way, that’s you know, not you, with an artificial appendage is just, a big no for him. Probably has the exact opposite effect you’d want. 

He’d also never wanna hurt you, or be into you hurting him. If it doesn’t trigger his PTSD or his tendency to self-loathe like all the other things I mentioned, he’s been getting hurt his whole life so he’s likely not gonna enjoy this in the bedroom, it’s either banal to him or a complete turn-off at the least. He’s self-aware enough to know it’s not gonna be the healthiest thing for him to sexualise it. He’s also hurt too many people to do something that could potentially hurt you, so no weapons, ninja techniques, things like that. I don’t think he’d even be into choking you. He just wants to relax, and enjoy himself and being with you in a way where he can feel safe, but not passive, and he loves having a partner that can allow him to do that.

So a partner being too dominant to the point of making him feel shitty and weak would be a turn-off, or just generally one that’s impatient or unkind. You’ll need to be empathetic and warm to get anywhere with him anyway, or at least you’ll struggle otherwise. Also, he wouldn’t ever want a threesome. It’s taken so much out of him to build up trust and intimacy between you, he’s sure that introducing another person, even if it’s only a one time thing, would ruin it. He also doesn’t want anyone other than you to see him in that way, or vice versa.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

So I don’t know why but I feel like Kakashi sees eating you out as such a special, intimate act? It’s a big deal, and this is something he probably wouldn’t do with someone he doesn’t have a strong connection to, or not as much. But when he does love you, your responses and the whole act are just mesmerising to him. Maybe it’s how vulnerable delicate you seem, how your moans are more gentle and delicate compared to when he’s fucking you, how he’s up and close against your most private parts, how he’s the only one that sees you like this… It really gets him going tbh, but it also takes a lot out of him? It just ends up meaning more to him than a blowjob might mean to you. So he might actually end up receiving more than he gives, despite the fact that he enjoys it and is very good at it. I don’t mind I’ll suck his dick 25/8

Like most men, he’ll be putty in your hands if you give him a good blowjob. It’s one of those things that never cease to amaze him or drive him crazy, no matter how many times you’ve done it, the sight of you on your knees, sucking him down. He’ll feel guilty but he face-fucks you sometimes, and it feels amazing, but he honestly might let himself get carried away. So he’ll sometimes grab your hair or clench his fist instead, otherwise he’ll just try to gently guide your ahead along sometimes. His moans during blowjobs are also damn hot as well. Like guttural groans and moans, he’s louder than normal.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Depends with Kakashi! Whether it’s a quickie, the position, where you’re doing it. He has a penchant for slow and sensual though. He wants to savour you, the sensation, the moment, the sights, everything. He really wants to bask in the intimacy of what’s going on and go as deep as he can and take his time. He likes taking it easy.

But there’s always gonna be moments where he can be pretty damn animalistic and rough and he’s pretty good with that too. Though, where he has the time to do so, he likes to build up to it? Occasionally he’ll be too pent up/frustrated or too short on time to really do it but like if time and space allows he doesn’t wanna start ramming into you like right away, he wants you to adjust, and will slowly fuck you until you’re really want it as crazily as he does.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He likes a good quickie, or rather, they’re his only option sometimes. He’s a busy guy who can’t always plan his schedule, and this goes tenfold when he becomes Hokage. So whilst his favourite will also be something longer where he can take his time and enjoy your body, you’re gonna have to accept that there will be periods where all you’ll get is quickies in his office, or in the morning before he has to leave.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

So despite all that stuff I listed about all the things he won’t do, he’s willing to try a lot of stuff with you. He does enjoy experimenting and he thinks it’s fun and brings you guys closer together, but within reason. He doesn’t wanna do anything too complicated or too strange by his standards, but he’ll be up for new locations, new positions, and he is risky in the sense that he won’t mind doing some stuff in public, or semi-public at least.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

So it’s definitely better when he doesn’t have his sharingan constantly sapping his energy anymore, but not to the point that you really noticed there being a problem before. He just puts a lot of effort and concentration into not cumming before you, and he’s pretty good at that. Depending on how pent up he is, he can last a decent amount of time. But if he has lasted quite a long time, when he finally does cum, he might not be in the mood to go again.

I see him going for like, one short round and one long one. Or if it’s shorter his recovery time’s pretty decent. But if you get ever happen to get three or more rounds of him in one go you should definitely praise him or take care of him cuz that’s pretty difficult and his dick might be broken for the next few days.

The only time his ability to hold back his orgasm goes to shit is when you’re having his way with him by riding him or sucking him off. You’re just too good have mercy on him But he’s better able to control that stuff and slow down and take breaks when he needs to when he’s the one leading things.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Nah, this harkens back to the whole thing about him not wanting to overcomplicate things and just have fun without thinking too much. He can’t be assed with toys and won’t use them on himself. I also mentioned earlier that he doesn’t like the fakeness/artificiality of toys, just the gimmicky-ness of it, the plastics... Nah. He wants to feel something real. Besides it’s canon how crazy this man’s physical skill is, his hands, his fingers… He’s completely satisfied with just his hands. And you are too

If it means a lot to you, he can use toys on you. But let’s be honest I really don’t think you’ll feel the need.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Kakashi is a little shit, we all know this. He loves to tease and edge, and he just loves seeing how frustrated you get, your scolding, knowing that you still can’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to do, your annoyed little whines and huffs… But he always more than makes up for it later.

He is so bad at receiving teasing though, he cannot withstand as much as you can, which is lame, considering how much he can put you through.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He’s not that loud, though there are times he can be. When he’s getting close to cumming, when he finally does are probably his loudest. But generally, his noises are so so nice. He makes soft little grunts and pants mostly, but he’ll growl and groan, whisper your name.. But sometimes you can get a semi-loud moan out of hiim and omg it’s so so hot.

He’s a little louder when he’s tired, or first thing in the morning? He’s more sensitive. When he’s not having to concentrate so much or think too much about what’s going on, he’ll get a little louder. He’s also louder when you’re riding him than in other positions.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

You know what I’ve gone in so deep with this head canons that I can’t think of a random one and I can’t remember what I wrote yesterday.

So Kakashi really appreciates just physical contact with you, wherever it might be. It doesn’t necessarily need to be sexual either but it makes him feel at ease. I said this already too, but Kakashi loves the comfort of just being vanilla. Nothing special, nothing elaborate, no gimmicks, just him on top of you, with your legs around his hips, as he drives into you. It’s literally just you and him in the world and that’s all there needs to be and nothing’s ever felt more right than that.  

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

It’s canon Kakashi is big need I say more. Okay I’ll say more. So it’s pretty long and thick. It’s not like monster huge but he’ll definitely take some adjusting. Probs uncut, and the same girth all the way down. Also kinda veiny, there’s some big ones on the underside. You’ll definitely feel him throb inside you.  But his body is nice too, but we been knowing that. He’s lean, and muscular, but in an understated way. He also has really nice legs? Like his thighs are good. The only time I saw his legs was in ep 101 of og Naruto but I was very pleased tbh. Like they’re well-trained but not crazy muscular like those men who work out a lot get… do you know what I mean? The round calves and stuff? He doesn’t have that. He also has a very nice ass. Gets flustered if you stare at it or slap it. Please do though his reaction is so cute.

Anyways, back to his dick, the colour is slightly darker than the rest of his body and the tip a tad darker than that. I remember seeing a picture on twitter and omg I couldn’t like it cuz I need some semblance of keeping my twitter professional but omg I saved the link, this is it though, the artist gets him perfectly.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

It’s high but nothing ridiculous. He’s controlled enough where he can go a while without it, but this is harder once he has a partner.

Once you guys have settled into each other and grown comfortable, he’s probably up for it 3-4 times a week, but depends on you and both of your schedules too. Sometimes it’s more, sometimes less.  But he’s a busy guy and has tons of things going on so as much as he’d like to, he can’t think about having sex extremely frequently. He’s also gonna have periods where he physically can’t see you that much, so the times you do see each other might be spent having sex so it might feel like it’s crazy high, but it’s more that he’s making up for lost time.

As he gets older his sex drive does decrease slightly, but not by much tbh. He’s very adaptable to your needs too. If you wanna fuck a lot that’s all great but if it’s like twice a day every day then calm down dang you might need to satisfy yourself. But if yours is a lot lower than is, he might struggle, but eh, he can manage.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Sex definitely depletes him and makes it easy to sleep, but he’ll normally wait for you to fall asleep. It’s a control thing and a protective thing, but he just feels a lot better about sleeping once you’re already there dozing off in his arms, and after sex is one of the rare times where he feels relaxed enough and his mind is empty enough where he can get a good night’s rest without any issues.  

[ohbeaby]

So the all of the boys we have met really are just rich. The only one who isn’t is probably Mammon but even he is only in debt due to some of his strange spending habits.

So this is just a silly little thought about how the boys might react to an MC who isn’t very rich at all and has habits to save money.

Clothes:

While they all take decent care of their clothes they also tend to just throw them out if a hole is made or a stain appears. Belphie might keep his longer out of sheer laziness but it’s not like he’s trying to fix any of the issues with his clothes he’s just too lazy to go get more.

MC probably has a small sewing kit and some tricks to get stains out of just about any fabric. The brothers try to throw clothes away and Mc swoops in your save the lightly used fabric from the garbage. They also have a small collection of patches and fabric strips that they give to Levi if he needs extra material for his cosplays. All the saved clothes get returned to the brothers who are very confused as to how the holes all got patched up and WHY MC would bother patching them.

This spills over into Purgatory Hall when MC learns Solomon keeps ruining his clothes in different disasters. The issue is the word disaster clearly has different meanings to everyone because MC just about loses it when they learn that the “disastrous” state of his clothes is just some tears and some small spots where a potion spilled.

All the boys confront MC at some point about why they keep fixing their clothes and MC just explains that they find it wasteful to throw the fabrics away when they could easily be repaired and maintained. They’re all mildly impressed but don’t say anything, though there is a distinct lack of clothes being thrown away after everything is done and some even come to MC for repairs.

Food/Soaps/Jewelry/Bedding:

So when MC first got there no one really paid attention to what they were buying for themselves. The brothers simply didn’t care because it’s just some human. As they get to know MC more though they start to pay attention and realize that MC isn’t exactly buying the highest quality in anything. I imagine Lucifer might be the first to actually say something.

MC: I think I want to get some hot coco.

Lucifer: Yes that doesn’t sound nice. Some milk and cream with coco powder- What are you doing?

MC: *holding up a box of instant hot coco* This is what I usually get. Just add some hot water and it’s okay.

Lucifer: *internally screaming at how terrible that sounds compared to what he was imagining* Do you...not know how to make hot coco?

MC: *laughing* Oh I know! It’s just more expensive than this.

Lucifer makes sure to accompany them on their grocery shopping trips and tries to get them to be a bit more open to buying more expensive cuts of meat or cheeses. He just wants them to enjoy some of the nicer things they feel comfortable indulging in.

Asmodeous probably has a heart attack when he realizes MC is just buying the most affordable shampoos and body washes. Poor boy isn’t able to comprehend that MC doesn’t want to drop 100’s of dollars on soaps.

Asmo: But look at how many harsh chemicals are in there MC! Your poor hair isn’t going to feel healthy at all!

MC: I mean...it gets my hair clean yeah? So it’s fine.

Asmo: At least get a body scrub! They help make your skin feel so soft!

MC: Is there one not quite as expensive? The one in your hand is a bit more than I expected.

Asmo: ...I don’t know what’s in the cheaper ones though. They probably don’t have as much moisturizer.

MC: Soooo I don’t need it?

Asmo: *screeching because he doesn’t know how to convey what the issue is*

Asmo takes time to find more affordable products that at least have a similar quality to his high end taste. He doesn’t like it but he does know he can’t force MC to buy the products he would normally use.

Mammon is VERY confused when MC is looking at jewelry of some kind but it’s like glass or shiny plastic instead of actual crystals or diamonds.

MC: Oh these charms are cool! Look there’s a crow!

Mammon: I mean...I guess? They aren’t real crystals or anything though. Looks like hard plastic.

MC: Eh? Why does that matter? *laughing* I’m just window shopping anyways.

Mammon: Window shopping?

MC: You know? When you’re just looking around but not actually going to buy?

Mammon: But if you want it why not just get it?

MC: These charms are each more expensive than my average meal! I can’t just drop that kind of money on little trinkets!

He’s probably the most understanding about all of it since he gets not having money. The realization that MC doesn’t actively seek out anything remotely expensive turns him to trying to save up more money to get them nice things.

Leviathan is probably the one to make MC the most uncomfortable with his spending habits. He is known to spend egregious amounts of money on things that don’t have an actual function aside from just being part of a collection. MC on the other hand will buy little knock off things like key chains or stickers because they don’t want to spend so much on the official merchandise but they still like whatever show or game it is. MC also knows how to make their own cosplays and repurpose things for props and accessories.

MC: *showing Leviathan some cute little charm from Pokemon or something* I love this one it’s so cute. I wanted to get the set but that was quite a bit more!

Leviathan: *sees it and knows immediately that it’s knock off and not even close to official merch* The colors aren’t even close! Look it doesn’t even look like the original character!

MC: I mean it’s pretty close. Maybe it’s just hard to make that color?

Levi: Why not just get the official merch?? It’s much better quality

MC: But the official is ten times more expensive. I think this looks close enough.

Levi: ...okay look I THINK I have an extra set with that character in it.

MC: ...extra set??

Levi: Well I buy more than one so I can sell them later.

MC: More than one??????

Leviathan makes it a goal of his to get MC whatever merch he can for their interests. He doesn’t like the idea that MC just settles for lower quality stuff just because they don’t think they should buy it. This is HIS Henry after all, only the best quality for them.

Satan also struggles hard trying to understand MCs spending habits. He prefers to get new books when he can as he doesn’t like the idea of buying a used book that someone ruined (ie. the corners have small bends or there’s a pencil mark in them, he has high standards for his books lol). The only exception he has is older books that are limited quantity. He gets frustrated when he sees MC carrying books around that look like they’ve been through hell and back in his eyes. He initially thinks MC is the one ruining their own books.

Satan: Really? The semester started a week ago and your books already look this bad?

MC: Bad? I thought I got a good deal on them.

Satan: Well when you bend the corners like that of course they look bad. Is that a coffee stain? Really?

MC: What? We haven’t even gotten to these sections yet. I’m not sure what you’re issue with my books is.

Satan: Well why are the pages all bent here of you haven’t gotten to these sections yet? Are you just incapable of taking care of your stuff?

MC: Maybe it was the previous owner? I take care of my stuff, don’t even try and pull that card.

Satan: ...previous owner? Like you’ve just gone and bought a used book? Why?

MC: Well actually it’s a rental, it was cheaper than-

Satan: RENTAL?!

Satan then insists that he buys MC all new books despite their protests. He isn’t going to sit around and let them use older books if it can be helped though he does start to understand why MC doesn’t mind used books when they show them places with discounted or even free textbooks and PDFs. It’s kind of handy to not have to pay a large sum for a physical copy when he can just have a free PDF of an older version on his laptop.

Beelzebub starts questioning what the humans habits are when he takes them shopping in place of Lucifer and sees them picking up instant noodles and coffee. He may be willing to eat almost anything but even he knows that stuff doesn’t taste the best and can’t be the healthiest for them.

Beelzebub: What about this brand? It’s got those little veggies in it.

MC: But it’s three times the price. I can just chop up some chives and put it in this for cheaper.

Beel: Why does the price matter?

MC: I don’t like spending too much if I can help it. Oh! They have frozen pizzas!

Beel: *increasingly concerned about the humans poor eating habits*

Beel probably starts taking them out to restaurants more or trying to rope them into cooking with him. He isn’t sure if they just don’t know what good food looks like or what their deal is so he’s just going to try and show them and hope they get the hint. He does avoid eating anything healthy they bought, like yogurts or frozen fruit.

Belphegor. King of sleep. Ruler of comfort. The one you know KNOWS how to take a good nap. He is absolutely pissed when he sees MCs room for the first time, most importantly their bed. The pillows look awful and the sheets are the cheapest ones you can get at the store. He confronts his brothers about the humans poor sleeping arrangements to which they all say “it’s what they chose when they first got here.”

Belphie: No. Unacceptable. Throw it away.

MC: You’re being ridiculous, I’m not throwing my pillows away.

Belphie: They don’t even have a shape they’re so flat! You have no comfort standards!

MC: My bed is comfy!

Belphie: The only comfortable part is the mattress which is also the only thing you didn’t choose.

MC: What’s wrong with the rest of it?!

Belphie: Those sheets are scratchy, the blanket is thinner than a piece of paper, those pillows look sadder than a kicked puppy, do I really need to go on?

MC: You’re being completely unreasonable.

Belphie drags Asmo and Mammon to the store to get MC a whole new bed set and even insists on getting them a new mattress. MC gets barred from their room for a few days until everything is set up. Belphie cares, he just wants MC to be comfortable, it’s important to him that MC sleeps well.

Overall I think the boys will learn to be a little more accepting of MCs habits. They also become increasingly more aware of how much richer they are than them and try to make MC as comfortable as they can.

[writtenwhalien]

hi !! i am a follower of your blog ! and i absolutely ADORE your works !!! like ksskjsjsjsjss i actually wanted some advice?? please feel free to not answer it !!! nowadays i feel like i should open a writing blog since i have soooo many ideas that i think could be really good plots?? but when i like think that YES !!!! i can do it ! i realise that i can't just throw some words together and get a good quality fic! i then look at all the other authors and their works and think that WOW !i could never do THAT !!! i just don't know how to start writing since i am not so good words like others are also i am kinda scared that if i start it and if i am not updating on regular intervals then people might not support my page?? like tbh i am kinda scared that my family might get to know abt my tumblr...like they don't know abt it and they are VERY strict when it comes to anything distracting me from my college studies....so i just am kinda confused

hey hey hey :) thank you for reading my works, that means a lot to me!!! 🥰🥰 as for your question, honestly, my simple answer is just start!!!!

(this got longer than I expected so see below the cut for more!)

don’t over complicate it. you have ideas so jot them down, pick one that appeals to you the most and go with it. once you’ve started, you’ll learn so much about the writing process and what works for you bc every single writer is different.

e.g. some writers (like me), like to write in chronological order, while others write scenes and piece them together. or you can be someone who combines the two and starts to write but leaves some blank parts out to come back to.

another thing is that writing is a really unique process to everyone, and it realky does take time to improve. when I first started, I was actually so terrible and I look back at some of my first works like ????? 😂 but over time I improved a lot more!!! + even though I read a lot (mostly in the past now LOL), my writing was still shit until I was reading at the time I started writing, and then I paid much more attention to things like sentence structure/how to keep a scene flowing without dialogue/even expressing emotions through body language etc. (still always learning though!!!)

also, you might realise as you start that there’s gaps in the writing process, (this happened to me a lot when I started and still does sometimes):

you have an overall idea but don’t know exactly how the scenes should play out, or how to get from point A to point B — say it’s the characters being friends (A) to becoming friends with benefits (B), before the main bulk of the story which is their journey from fwb to lovers;; it can feel a little discouraging but just go with it and give yourself time if you need to. the ideas will come to you naturally but it takes time to work it all out/maybe you need to sit and force yourself to think hard (this has worked for me before), and you won’t know how to deal with it until you start.

about taking intervals: don’t worry about it :)) a lot of blogs I know don’t post regularly either and it really doesn’t matter. if people like what they read, they’ll stay!

that said, consistency is key with growing your blog so maybe even writing drabbles/taking requests at first can be a good starting point (which might help with you developing your writing skills). taglist’s can help with this if you want to notify readers of your return with a new update. + about the family, you can keep your tumblr personal to you, just make sure you prioritise your real life and education first, that’s more important!!! 💓

[sylvie-writes]

It’s Okay!

Request: hi! could you do the reader noticing chris is experiencing some anxiety when at a family/friends gathering and they leave early and she comforts him 🥺 - anon

Hi darling anon! I’m soooo sorry this took kinda long, i’ve been swamped and haven’t felt inspired to write. I love your request so much and I hope I did it some justice!

Disclaimer:  I’m writing this while doing some work so the words in this aren't really impressive lol.

As always, plz pardon any mistakes, the stories are always proofread but I tend to make many mistakes regardless.

Enjoy! <3

Today, your parents had invited you and Chris over for lunch. 

It was also the first time your parents would get to meet your boyfriend.

So, here you both were, sitting in your parents driveway.

From the start you could already tell Chris was nervous and you wanted nothing more than to comfort him.

Just as he was about to get out of the car, you placed your hand on his thigh and leaned to kiss the corner of his lips. 

Slowly, you sat back in your seat, a visibly relaxed Chris now smiling back at you.

“Don’t worry, love. My parents aren’t as intimidating as moi!”

A small chuckle left his lips, and you were glad you could give him a bit of comedic relief. 

Chris rounded the car to take the fresh bowl of salad from your lap.

Your parents didn’t expect you to bring any food, but you did anyway.

One hand held the salad, while Chris’s other hand held your waist.

Just a few short steps from the car to the front door, seemed to frighten the man standing beside you.

To the average person, Chris looked completely mellow at the moment, but knowing him, you knew his anxiety was getting the best of him. 

Andddd the way his hand was involuntarily digging into your side, right where your waist and hip met. 

“Chris, honey, I know you don’t realize but your hand is clawed into my hip. If you hold on any longer, I might go down a size in pants!” 

He immediately snapped out of whatever thought was in his head and quickly retracted his hand. 

“Oh! I’m so sorry (y/n), I’m just really-”

You grabbed the hand he pulled away and reassuringly kissed his knuckles.

“You’re nervous, I know darling.” 

Immediately after you knocked, your mother answered and ushered you both in. 

She hugged you and then Chris, giving you both a warm welcome easing the man’s nerves just the slightest. 

Your father came up and made small conversation with Chris, not grilling him per say, but asking him a few questions as any father would.

If only Chris knew that your dad wasn’t just a tough guy, and if he got to know your dad, the two would share many jokes having the same personality. 

Unfortunately for Chris, his anxiety stepped in and didn't allow him to truly enjoy the lunch. 

Sitting at the table, you could see Chris was somewhere else and not here, as he stared into the void that was his salad.

Yes, he was functioning and eating the salad, but his bouncing leg said otherwise.

Chris was normally a chatterbox, and his silence confirmed your suspicions.

You look a your parents and gave them an apologetic smile, to which they gave you and understand  nod, silently signaling that it was okay for you both the leave. 

Thank the heavens your parents were understanding. 

The two of them both knew Chris had anxiety, and knew he was trying his best to function for them. 

It was a lot of pressure, that no one person could handle alone.

Your dad gave the man leeway since he had been in Chris’ shoes once. 

After all, a dinner with your love’s parents is pretty nerve-wrecking since first impressions are always the ones that leave an everlasting mark. 

Your mother, also understood that Chris was trying his damndest. 

She knew that he was sincere in his actions, and wanted the best for you.

Apparently, at the lunch, your mother had even made a bet with your father that Chris was gonna be the one for you.

In the end, it was clearly proven that Chris loved you more than words can describe as he was willing working through his nerves just to try and impress your parents.

In all honesty, from what you had told your parents about Chris, they didn’t need to see much more to know that he was a sweet guy. 

Sure, the lunch didn’t go exactly planned, but that’s what life is about. Surprises. And if you really want something, you will work through those “surprises”.

That’s what you love about Chris. 

Having him by your side, even if something doesn't go as planned, the two of you get through it together and in the end, you find something a lot better. 

And this time, the light at the end of the tunnel was that you got to spend time with your boyfriend.

The minute Chris pulled out of the drive, he started talking a mile a minute, words spewing out of his mouth.

You always brought comfort to Chris, but at this moment you couldn’t help him if you couldn’t understand what he was saying.

“Sweetheart, I can’t understand a word you are saying!”

He took a deep breath before beginning to talk, keeping his eyes on the road ahead. Ashamed, he couldn't even look at you.

“I ruined it, (y/n). Your parents will think I’m a total douche who can’t get his shit together! Oh please don’t leave me, honey. God damnit, I wanna marry you one day! But now that-”

His rambling was ceased when you stopped his hand that was shaking on the steering wheel.

“Christopher Evans. You listen to me and listen well.”

“I would never ever leave you, especially over something like this! I hate to break it to you, but my parents do love you. They understand!”

The man turned to look at you, utterly confused. He was fully convince that he had effed things up with you and your parents.

A smile grew on his face, and you continued to talk, shyly asking if he was being serious about the information he had just disclosed. 

“Is it true that you want to marry me?”

Just the thought of being married made your heart swell and you were sure it had fluttered in the abyss already. 

“Of course I do, darling. You are just so sweet, and you have such patience for me. There’s nothing to love about you and I’d be a fool to ever let you walk away.”

You launched yourself across the console, immediately hugging the man and crying happy tears into his neck. 

Chris laid his lips on the top of your head, pressing a loving kiss to the locks of your hair.

“Enough of this depressing talk, lets go get some stuff to make dinner. How about spaghetti!”

You sat back in your chair as Chris turned out of the coffee shop parking lot, his free hand holding yours.

The sound of spaghetti for dinner was inviting and you happily agreed.

“How about we invite your parents? I wanna do it right this time.”

It broke your heart to see him so anxious earlier, but he was adamant about impressing your parents and swore that after your talk, he felt a lot better about the situation. 

So you allowed him his second chance.

And lets just say, a few hours had changed Chris and that night he was comfortable with your parents as if they were his own. Making jokes with your dad, exchanging life experiences with your mom, and loving on your precious dog.

The sight of your parents smiling with your boyfriend was all that you’ve ever wanted to see.

Chris caught your blissful stare, and sent a bright smile your way, a twinkle in his eyes, making your stomach feel butterflies with the love you had for that man. 

And just a few years later, Chris kept his promise, marrying you and bringing up this very story at the wedding dinner. 

[whencallstheheart]

We’ll find out tonight if our predictions are correct! 

Responses to the written questions are under the cut.

Where is Ned and what is he doing?

No idea

Business trip

Dealing with some financial issues.

Doing business in UC or Hamilton. Nothing major

He stayed behind next episode and will be back in the finale.

I think planning something for Florence, maybe expansion for the mercantile?

I don't know

I have no idea, wth!?!?

Yo i have no idea. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say he's trying to contact Florence's daughter who wasnt there for the wedding

Maybe he's visiting his daughter? Or expanding the Mercantile somehow

With Mike. Oil pipeline

Hiding

It sure

I have no clue honestly, maybe planning a surprise for Florence?

Perhaps...expanding his store? Or ordering something new to begin to be shipped to his.

something related to factory

Sussing out suppliers

Maybe something to do with the Wyman guy?

visiting his daughter

Buying a new house or a surprise for Florence

Visiting Abigail

Planning something special for Florence

He is doing something with his daughter

No clue

With his daughter

Planning to expand the mercantile to include deliveries (Hope Valley Amazon) lol

Not sure

I really dont know!

Made out a Will since he now is married to Florence

Business in Union City

Business, but he’ll be back

I don’t Know

I dont know. This one threw me!

Literally have no idea

maybe he will come back with his daughter who will come to live at HP

some sweet surprise/gift for Florence

He is involved im some growth in HV.

Taking care of business.

He's making a business deal somewhere

I have no idea. I think it was a weird to put in o.O

Making purchases for the store.

Business stuff somewhere

I don't know

i don't know

ned things

He just took the long way home...

Adopting Flo's son

Hiding

He is picking up a surprise order gift for Florence, and it’s taking longer than expected.

Fighting attempt to take over mercantile

Talking to a divorce lawyer. Or putting a pillow over Abigail's mom's face so she can bury her already and come back to Hope Valley for his buddy Henry's sake.

Honestly I’m not sure but interested to find out!

Idk honestly. Probably actually doing something sweet for Florence but she doesn't know it.

What's up with the Pinkertons?

Not sure

A storyline to bring a change of pace to the show.

I really Don’t know

Not sure, but I don’t think it will be resolved this season, maybe it’s the cliffhanger?

I don't know

They’re hired thugs like they were in S1, just there to show Walden is a bad guy despite appearances

Factory related

Up to no good! Don’t trust them.

Yo i dont even know. They look totally sketch but they are probably the good guys actually. I'm predicting they are after someone who's been wanted for a long time. I think it may be too easy to link them with the guy who took Jesse and Clara's money

Not sure yet

Working for Waldon

Railroad

Sneakily buying land

I couldn't care less about them

Perhaps something is in the cabin/someone they don't want found.

No idea

Something to do with the mine disaster (even though it's been ages).

we will see in season 9

Setting up a good storyline for season 9

Not sure maybe something to do with the new factory that might be built

Maybe it has to do with Henry

I have no idea, but I do not like them!

No good

Buying all the land

They have Jesse. Someone wants to reopen the mine and seek revenge on Elizabeth for his son going to jail (Spurlock).

Looking for some kind of hidden good

Shady dealings going on

Guarding the future factory site. But something extra at the cabin connected with Spurlock.

Trouble

?

An even bigger I dont know on this one. Like, what in the world???

Holding Jesse captive

I think they kidnapped Jesse because he found out what they were up to but I have no idea what that is

stumped on this one

That is difficult. He is apparently connected to S1 Spurlock. Is he there for revenge? Or, just a heavy hand like his relative?

Revenge? They want to take over Hope Valley.

Something sketchy, probably bigger than just whatever is going on with the cabin though.

Land grab

No clue but they'll be one of the big bads next season

They are probably the goons of the Industry dude

They are working for somebody bigger.

They want to take over the town

I don't know

i'm worried about Nathan

idk they are the bad daddys of the season

they can only be there to cover up a crime, or some valuable find

No clue

They’re wanting to uproot Hope Valley for better business by destroying the town.

Keeping identity of mastermind safe from townspeople.

Maybe looking for Ned, who alternatively is a serial killer and now on the run. Possibly for the murder of Abigail's mother?

I’m so confused lol

Creating a monopoly & doing some villain nonsense (as it would seem the show is hinting).

Any other thoughts going into the finale?

No

There will be at least one surprise- not sure what

There are too many loose ends to tie up in one episode and I just want Elizabeth and Nathan together (and perhaps quickly married in this episode!)

I’m honestly really nervous, I’m rooting for Nathan but I have a feeling she’ll go for Lucas, I really don’t mind Lucas as a character but like what storylines can they do with them as a couple? The manuscript is finished, they’ve gone on every sort of date at this stage and she’s been in his office. What else can they do? With Nathan they can do the being scared because of his job again but making it different, there’s children involved now, it’s not just Elizabeth. Jack won’t understand but Allie will 100% feel worried for him. Also Allie having a mother figure, especially at this stage in her life, how could you not want it! The blended family as the main family would be so nice for this show, I know it’s been done before but they will be fairly front and centre in the show. Sorry for the rant, I love your blog so much! I don’t have tumblr so I can’t leave comments or like your gifs but I thoroughly enjoy all your theories and opinions!!

Just ready for this stupid love triangle to be over!

I’d love to actually see Henry meet up with Abigail, but doubt it. I hope they have Clara do something heroic for Jesse, but also doubt it. Henry will definitely be putting Hickam in charge at least temporarily. I think Ned will return but we won’t get a full explanation yet. And the dramatic ending won’t be the triangle choice, it’ll be Elizabeth losing the school.

Allie’s adoption finalized and reaction to Elizabeth choosing Nathan is something we should see.

Glad the triangle will be DONE!!

I hope that Elizabeth follows her heart and not pick someone who is a safe option.

I wish Faith were leaving instead of Carson. Also, I think there will be lots of set up for problems with the school board and Elizabeth. Also, I want more little Jack scenes but i don't think we'll get much since child acting laws and covid combined make that difficult

Excited for Elizabeth to move on from her past and enter a new adventure with either of the two men and really just everything else (Rosie and Lee, Fiona, Henry.)

I hope Faith doesn’t end up with whoever doesn’t get chosen by Elizabeth.

hopefully the finale will clear up the drawn out love triangle

The triangle was waaaaay drawn out. Be done and choose.

Nathan and Faith......would be great......

No matter who Elizabeth chooses I'm SOOOO READY to get this over with!

Kindness matters - no matter who she chooses. Isn't that why most of us watch the show

I am so over the love triangle and just want to know who Elizabeth picks.

Worried about the fandom more than anything

Elizabeth please pick Nathan

It's just a TV show and no matter what , it's there for our entertainment. I do think they're setting things up for the return of Abigail in some way.

The must be a Season 9!!!

I hope Fiona does not get involved with Mike.

Hopefully things get back to normal for Elizabeth and Rosemary

Interested to see the other storylines. I want Elizabeth to choose Nathan but I think JT will throw us off. From the promo pic, it looks like they will try to put Faith with Nathan.

- I just want Elizabeth to chose so that this storyline can come to an end and we can finally get to see her marriage and functioning has a wife. - Wonder what will become of Lucas once her choice is made. - I would like Lucas to have a proper storyline that doesn't involve Elizabeth or the love triangle. - I would love to see Rosemary and Lee finally become parents however that may happen. I feel like the writer just left them in limbo about it and keep teasing but never delivering on anything.

Hopefully will end with Nathan but the very last minute. I would prefer more romance before the finale

Elizabeth will have to decide on what’s important with school.

Jack might make an appearance in a dream scene?

So excited! I hope I don't wake up my kids while watching.

I hope they don’t pick Lucas

CLARA DISCOVERS SHE IS PREGNANT

?

Just excited for this to be over. I know we needed it and I think overall it was handled decent enough, but I'm glad to finally move on.

Why is everyone so scared?

The whole season has been about getting over your fear. Elizabeth doesn’t have to deal with her emotions or real life with Lucas because school is out for the summer and she is working on her book. She needs to make up with Rosemary and get over the loss of Jack and fear to be with Nathan.

this season has been totally not what I expected...I thought the hug at end of season 7 was definitive and we'd get at least some Nathan courtship, not a complete U-turn to Lucas (with hopefully a turn to Nathan at the very end). I now think Season 9 will be what I expected season 8 to be, and I am very much looking forward to that.

Something sudden will allow Elizabeth to bring her feelings to light for everyone...Nathan. I think she will have decided by the time she takes of the rings, but will not have the opportunity to share with the man until later. Until she faces the prospect of him being in danger again? Full circle from the end of S7.

I need Elizabeth to really apologize to Rosemary. Rosemary has always been there for Elizabeth.

I’m so afraid :(

Hated the triangle

I am so ready to finally move on from this triangle!

They put waaaay too many storyline in the last 2 episodes, they will never manage to conclude them all and we'll have another weird random cliffhanger which will not tie in with the Christmas episode (If we're getting one ?)

I hope the guy who loses, has a good life in later seasons

The annoying love triangle will finally end. Elizabeth/Nathan are endgame, unless Jack suddenly comes back from the dead. But, I doubt it. I hope Lee/Rosemary are pregnant, or decide to adopt children. I just want Lee/Rosemary to have children. Can't wait to see how this season ends. Hopefully, it won't be a cliffhanger.

Nervous as hell

Elizabeth and Nathan get married

i kinda hope someone dies tbh it would make everything more interesting

Elizabeth was so tiresome this season, they could have told her story of overcoming grief in a much more relatable way. Why did they not just have her talking to Rosemary about how sad or exhausted or numb or angry she feels all the time? You know, something a widow would actually go through. At the very least she could have been stoic, instead she was just kinda bitchy.

Faith and Nathan will have some sparks; Elizabeth will choose Lucas and they will kiss twice one being at bridge one being at her home inside with baby jack present.Carson will leave; Jessie will be found; Ned will come back safely.

Lucas endgame, Nathan and faith have sparks, Rosemary paper, Jessie and Clara make up.

I think Henry will take his own advice and leave to find Abigail to see if there is still any hope for them. Though I like his character, I want him to finally be happy, and if that means staying with Abigail, then that’s what it means. I don’t think TPTB will bring back Lori soooo.... that means Henry would be the one possibly leaving. I also think some scare will happen with Nathan between him and the Pinkertons. Then it may come full circle at the end where Elizabeth runs to him like she did last season, but instead of hugging him, she’ll kiss him instead.

Hallmark execs dictated ending and will cut salaries to bring back Abigail, hence Paul leaving.

My condolences to whichever guy gets to look forward to being bored by Elizabeth for the rest of his life. Are we sure Jack's death wasn't a suicide?

Ready to see how it ends and already looking forward to next season!

I will be really disappointed if she chooses Lucas but I’m afraid that’s where it’s headed. Either way I don’t understand how they’ll end in “the healthy place” they’ve said it will be with so much left for one episode.

[sugachaes]

Blue Hour

A/N: Soooo this is like... the first fanfic I’ve ever written lol, I don’t usually write stuff like this, but it was fun! I should have more coming at some point in the future, but for now, here’s what I’ve got! My other socials are in my bio if you wanna see more of my work!

This fic has been cross posted to AO3 here.

Word count: 10k+

Content: Mutual pining, some light smut?, childhood friends to lovers, some angst, Jimin is either the best or worst life coach, no one is sure which, Hoseok is always drunk but I think he’s neat, Jungkook and Taehyung share one brain cell but it’s shaped like a heart, Shownu best boy 

Jungkook is running late.

He’s rushing to exit his dorm building, not even waiting for the elevator to make it to his floor, rushing down the stairs in hopes that it’ll take less time. In his haste, he still manages to have time to regret choosing the top floor of the four story building.

Upon exiting the building, Jungkook takes off in the direction of his lecture, thanking his lucky stars it isn’t too far away from where he lives. He weaves his way through other students, trying to cause as little damage while also moving as fast as he can.

At last, he’s made it to the right building, bursting through the first door he sees and hoping he’s in the right place.

When he enters, the class has gone quiet, all eyes turned in the direction of the disturbance. The professor, after giving him a quick once over, decides to let the interruption slide and continue her presentation.

Jungkook makes his way through the lecture hall, hoping his seat hasn’t been taken by someone who was actually on time for the class. He breathes a sigh of relief when he sees that no one has taken his beloved spot from him, and plants himself there before moving to pull out his materials.

“Dude, what happened to you? I don’t think you’ve ever been late for anything.”

Jungkook looks up and meets the eyes of his best friend, Taehyung. The two of them go way back, all the way back to middle school when Jungkook had moved from his small town to the big city. After watching the boy desperately try to find a place in a school that was much larger than what he was used to, his constant confusion attracting stares from already established students, Taehyung decided he would help this clueless stranger for as long as he could.

“I must’ve forgotten to set my alarm last night,” Jungkook says, finally pulling out the book he was looking for.

“That’s not like you. Maybe it was a glitch?”

“Maybe.”

Taehyung turns his head to face the front of the room, having gotten the answers to all his questions. Jungkook follows suit, deciding he should at least pay attention to what was left of the class and hope he could piece the rest of it together on his own. 

Though, his eyes can’t help but drift over occasionally, stealing glances at the boy next to him.

He’s not sure when it happened, but somewhere along the way, between the late nights watching movies together, Jungkook had fallen for Taehyung. Naturally, he pushed those feelings down, afraid that they may make him act selfishly, or worse, ruin their friendship. As much as he would like for things to turn out like they do in fanfiction, where it turns out the two of them have been pining after each other the whole time, he knows better. 

So instead, he hides his feelings away, hoping that one day he’ll be able to go back to seeing Taehyung as nothing more than a friend. Though, it’s becoming harder to keep his emotions at bay lately. He finds himself relishing in Taehyung’s touch, whether he means to or not. Hugs when something goes good or bad for one of them, touches that last just a bit longer than they would for others, Jungkook takes advantage of each of those little moments.

Even though it causes him to fall deeper each time.

~

Once the lecture ends, the students begin filing out, likely off to more stress-inducing classes. As Taehyung and Jungkook are leaving the building, Taehyung decides this is the perfect opportunity to ask his friend a very important question. 

“Hey, Kook?” Jungkook turns to offer his full attention to his friend. “So there’s this party-”

“Absolutely not.” Taehyung lets out a groan.

“You didn’t even let me finish!”

“Tae, you know how I feel about parties.”

“I do! But this one will be different.”

“Last time you said that I ended up carrying you home.” Taehyung scratches the back of his head, recalling the incident himself.

“Ah, I’m a different person now!” Jungkook rolls his eyes. “Besides that was like… a year ago?”

“Four months.”

“It’s in the past!”

“Barely.”

“Please just come this one time? You only have to stay for an hour.” Jungkook stares at him. “Do it for me?” 

A sigh leaves Jungkook’s lips.

“Only for an hour.” 

~

Jungkook doesn’t even bother putting too much effort into what he’s wearing, throwing on jeans and a T-shirt and deciding it’s presentable enough.

“Good enough to get me bye for an hour,” Jungkook says, looking at himself in the mirror briefly.

As if on cue, Jungkook hears a knock at the door. He exits his room and goes to open the door, revealing a similarly dressed Taehyung. The only real difference lies in the leather jacket Taehyung has thrown over his shoulders.

“You don’t think you’re a bit underdressed?” Taehyung asks, taking in Jungkook’s work, or lack thereof.

“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”

“Nothing! Nothing,” Taehyung reassures him. “You look fine. Let’s go.”

The two of them head out, deciding to walk to the party given that it’s relatively close to their campus. As they grow closer to their destination, they can already hear the faint sound of music in the distance. They follow the sound until they arrive at the source of the music. 

The house, no, the estate, that the party is taking place in is practically vibrating on its foundation as the bass flows through it and out into the air. There’s a few people loitering outside, the smell of cigarette smoke and alcohol wafting through the air. Someone is already passed out on the lawn. They likely won’t remember anything once they wake up. Taehyung takes a big inhale.

“I love the smell of regret in the evening.” He turns around to look at Jungkook, who already looks visibly sick as he takes in his surroundings. “Hey, are you good?” Jungkook appears to shake himself out of whatever stupor he’s in.

“Yeah, yeah I’m alright,” he says, moreso trying to convince himself than he is trying to convince Taehyung. “Just a little overwhelmed, that’s all.”

“Will you be alright?”

“I think so. I’ll just find a corner to hide away in.” Though he knows it’s just because he’s a good friend, Jungkook’s heart can’t help but flutter at Taehyuns’s concern for him. 

“Nah, you don’t have to do that! I’ll stay with you the whole time.” At this, Jungkook gives him an incredulous look. “I’m serious! I want you to have fun, too.” Jungkook considers his words for a moment.

“If you disappear on me you’re buying me lunch for a week.”

“Deal.”

~

The party is well underway when Taehyung and Jungkook walk in. Bass coming from the speakers pulsates throughout the house. There’s a crowd of people on the dance floor, some swaying to the beat, others moving wildly. It’s not hard to tell who only has a slight buzz and who’s clearly overdoing it. Jungkook expects to see more people scattered across the lawn by the end of the night. As his eyes continue to sweep over the crowd, taking note of the guy currently hunched over and about to let loose every toxic brew he’d ingested hours prior, he hears a call of his name.

Following the direction of the sound, he turns his head and is met with the sight of a (very drunk) Hoseok.

Hoseok was one of the first people Jungkook had befriended when he first started attending school. When Jungkook had joined the campus dance team, Hoseok had welcomed him with open arms and a warm, inviting smile.

“What are you doing here?” Hoseok slurs slightly. “I thought you didn’t like coming to these things.”

“I don’t,” Jungkook confirms. “I’m here against my will.”

“Oh, don’t be so dramatic!” Taehyung chimes in. He turns his attention to Hoseok. “I knew he’d just hole himself up in his room all night, so I dragged him out for some fresh air.”

“Calling this air fresh is a little misleading, don’t you think?”

“Ah, it’s really not that bad!” Hoseok says. “This is pretty tame compared to other parties here.” Hoseok stumbles a bit, and Jungkook reaches out to steady him.

“How much have you had to drink?”

“Dunno. Stopped counting after four, though.”

“Aren’t you a bit of a light weight?”

“I don’t appreciate being interrogated like this.” Hoseok begins to walk away. “I’m off to get another drink!”

Jungkook watches his friend drunkenly stumble away, presumably to get even more wasted than he already is. He briefly worries if he’ll get home safely, but Hoseok’s done this before, he’ll be fine.

“Whose house is this, anyway?” Jungkook asks, taking in the valuable looking artwork displayed on the walls.

“Kim Seokjin’s.” Jungkook gives him a confused look. “Richest guy on campus. Only met him a couple times, he’s cool.”

Jungkook looks around again.

“I’m only staying for an hour.” Jungkook reminds himself. “I can last that long.”

“You’ll be fine,” Taehyung reassures him. “Come on, I’ll introduce you to my friends.” he takes Jungkook’s hand and drags him further into the party. Jungkook’s lips can’t help but turn upwards in a small smile at the gesture. 

Much to his surprise, Jungkook finds himself getting along with Taehyung’s friends. They seem to be much more outgoing people compared to himself, specifically Taehyung’s friend Jimin. He’s seen Jimin around a couple times, but never talked to him, the two of them existing in different social circles. It seems that a lot of time has passed since the two of them began talking, when really it’s only been about twenty minutes. 

Jimin is in the middle of a story, dramatically waving his hands around to add to the narrative, when a song that some of the group, including Taehyung, recognize. They’re quick to rush to the dance floor, not wanting to be seated during what is apparantly the most well known song to most of the partygoers. Jungkook supposes he can let this one slide.

It’s when one song shifts into another, and then another, that Jungkook becomes nervous. He’s in a strange house surrounded by people he doesn’t know, all of which are a different level of inebreiated. He decides to look around for his friend, ready to remind him that he’ll now be feeding him for a week.

It doesn’t take long for him to locate Taehyung. He’s still on the dance floor, though he now has a drink in hand. He moves to get his attention when he notes that he isn’t dancing alone. 

He’s not sure who the guy is, he’s never seen him before right now. He just knows the way he runs his hands along Taehyung’s body, the way they sway sensually to the song currently playing, is making him sick to his stomach. 

He finds himself running to the door, hoping that Taehyung didn’t see him standing there, intruding on the moment he was sharing with this stranger. The longer he stays, the harder he finds it to breathe. He eventually makes it out onto the front porch, catching his breath as if he’s just completed a marathon. Once he calms down, he begins his walk back to the dorm, unable to get the images out of his mind. He checks the time. 10:47 pm.

He didn’t even make it the full hour.

~

Like Jungkook often does when he’s upset, he holes himself up in his room. He spends the entirety of the next day hunched over his computer, completing assignments before he turns to video games to ease his mind. While in the middle of a particularly tough fight, his phone dings. He groans before pausing, picking up the device to see who could possibly be disturbing him.

He visibly deflates when he sees that it’s Taehyung.

Not long after he left the party last night, he had seen a flurry of messages sent from the man in question. He elected to ignore them, deciding he had been through enough for one night. Now, though, he feels that he should at least let him know he’s okay and that he made it home safely. Sighing, he opens the text thread.

Tae Tae: Whered u go

Tae Tae: I thought i saw u

Great. So Jungkook’s staring didn’t go unnoticed. He drags a hand down his face before he continues reading. 

Tae Tae: Were u not having fun

Tae Tae: m sorry

Tae Tae: :(

Jungkook finds his resolve cracking, if only a little. That is, until he reads the next message.

Tae Tae: I wanted u to neet someone

Well, this confirms everything he needed to know. His feelings were completely one sided. All the moments he worried he was reading too far into were just that, his own hopes being projected on to his friends. With his heart now heavier than it’s ever been, he finally reads the most recent message, though it barely registers in his mind.

Tae Tae: Hey, I’m sorry I left you alone last night. Time kind of got away from me, but I wanna make it up to you. Please let me know that you’re safe.

Jungkook finally responds, a half hearted “I’m okay,” and shuts his phone off immediately, not wanting to hear Taehyung’s apologetic messages that likely came in after.

~

It’s been days since the party, and Taehyung is beginning to worry. 

He knows he messed up. He knows he promised Jungkook that he wouldn’t leave him alone for too long, but he ultimately wasn’t able to keep that promise. No, it’s not that he wasn’t able to, but rather he didn’t. 

He told himself he’d return to Jungkook’s side after one song. That one song turned into him grabbing a drink, and ending up back on the dance floor with his friends. One more song, one more drink, one more song, one more drink, he cycled through these until an hour had passed since he left. He thought at one point he’d seen Jungkook, watching him in real time as he failed in doing the one thing he promised to do. He thinks now that it was likely just his imagination, his mind’s way of making him feel guilty. 

He feels that he’s missed an opportunity. He wasn’t lying about wanting Jungkook to have a fun night out, that much is true. He’s always tried to push Jungkook out of his comfort zone from time to time. The other reason, the one he planned on surprising Jerry with, was introducing him to the guy he’d been seeing. He’d been friends with Shownu for about a year now, and they’d just recently decided if they wanted to explore being something more. 

He thought this would be as good an opportunity as any to introduce the two of them, but he’d gotten carried away, and now Jungkook wasn’t speaking to him.

He felt a bit better knowing that Jungkook had made it home safely, but the coldness in his answer told him that he wasn’t out of the woods just yet. He’d really messed up this time.

Jungkook wasn’t only not speaking to him, he was even avoiding him.

He knows that Jungkook has been going to his other classes, if Jimin’s word is to be trusted, but for some reason he’s been absent in their one shared class. He’s likely been asking to be sent any work that he’s missed, being one of the proffesor’s favorite students. It’s unlike him to stay upset for this long. Soemthing must’ve happened before he decided to leave. 

He decides that today, he’ll go and apologize in person. Somtehing he probably should’ve done in the first place.

He visits Jungkook’s dorm on a Wednesday afternoon, knowing that he’s in between classes right now and likely taking a nap. He makes his way through the small lobby and to the elevator, and suddenly he finds himself getting nervous. What happens if Jungkook doesn’t answer the door? Or worse, what if he does answer the door, but tells Taehyung he wants nothing to do with him? Or what if he knocks on his door and it creaks open slightly revealing Jungkook’s lifeless body and he gets framed for his murder only to suddenly be transported back in time-

Taehyung shakes his head. That’s the first episode of Erased. He’s spiralling.

The elevator dings, signalling that it’s almost time to either get his friend back or become the protagonist of an anime.

He should really finish Erased. 

He makes his way to the dorm, operating purely on muscle memory after having been here so many times. When he arrives, he doesn’t bother hesitating, knowing he’ll think too hard and talk himself out of doing this, as he often does. He hears shuffling on the other side of the door, and suddenly, it swings open. 

Taehyung doesn’t think he’s ever seen Jungkook in such a disheveled state.

His hair sticks out all over his head, he’s got on sweatpants and a hoodie, covered in wrinkles and mismatched. If Taehyung looks close enough, he can see a slight red tint to the skin around Jungkook’s eyes, signifying he’s been crying. 

Taehyung  feels something within him stir at the sight, but he ignores it.

Jungkook’s eyes are directed at the floor when the door first swings open, and when he looks up to meet Taehyung’s eyes, his own widen in disbelief. 

They stand there in awkward silence for a few brief moments, not sure how to approach each other after how their last encounter had gone. Jungkook sighs, a tired, sad sound.

“Why don’t you come in?”

~

Jungkook is at a loss for words.

He was fast asleep when he’d heard the knock at the door, the sound waking him from his restless slumber. He drags himself out of bed, tossing on the first hoodie he sees lying in a crumpled heap on the floor, and tosses it on.

Nothing could have prepared him for when he opened the door. 

Taehyung looks like he usually does, sweats and a hoodie with hair that was perfectly tossed. “People like the effortless look,” Taehyung had explained one day. He thinks he understands what he meant now. 

After the two of them stand there akwardly, not sure where to go from here, Jungkook decides to invite him in. He decides if they’re going to stare at each other and say nothing, he’d prefer to do so within the comfort of his dorm.

Taehyung seems to look around the room, likely taking note of the mess that Jungkook currently resides in. A wave of insecurity washes over Jungkook at this.

“I wasn’t really expecting company,” Jungkook explains weakly.

“I didn’t think so,” Taehyung says. “I’m sorry I showed up unannounced like this. You’ve kind of been…”

“Avoiding you?”

“Yeah.”

A beat of silence goes by before Taehyung speaks again.

“Look, I know I said I wouldn’t need to-”

“It’s okay.” Taehyung pauses, confused.

“You didn’t even let me finish.”

“I don’t need to. I’ve already forgiven you.”

“Then why-”

“I just needed space, that’s all.”

“So you’re not mad anymore?”

“Nope.”

“Promise?

“Yup.”

“Does this mean I don’t still have to buy you food?”

“Oh, no. You’re still buying me food.” The two of them share a laugh. The air feels much lighter than when Taehyung first arrived here. 

Truth be told, Jungkook had forgiven Taehyung as soon as he opened the door. He’d started to feel bad about ghosting his friend, knowing that he would worry. He felt even wrose knowing that it wasn’t really Taehyung leaving him that had made him so upset, but rather his own feelings that were getting in the way. 

If putting his own feelings aside would ultimately make Taehyung happy, then that’s just something he would have to do. 

Taehyung coaxes Jungkook out of his dorm with the promise of greasy food from the campus diner, and he happily accepts.

~

A week has gone by since the two of them made up.

It hasn’t been mentioned yet, but Jungkook has a feeling that Taehyung will ask to introduce him to that other guy again. He knows it’ll happen eventually, and despite his dread, he just wishes Taehyung would ask so he can get it over with.

The two of them are at Taehyung’s apartment, claiming to be “studying” when in reality this was just an excuse for them to lounge around and watch reruns of Hell’s Kitchen. It’s when Taehyung keeps glancing over at Jungkook thinking he’s being subtle that he knows something is up. He grabs the remote and pauses, just as Chef Ramsay has finished calling someone a panini head.

“Okay, you’ve been watching me like you’re waiting for me to explode.” Taehyung chuckles, having been caught.

“Alright, you got me. You are so observant, you know that?”

“You’re stalling.”

“I would never!” Taehyung puts his hand over his heart, feigning offense.

“Please just spit it out already, you're making me nervous.”

“Fine, fine.” Taehyung takes a deep breath. “I want you to come to a bar with me this weekend.” Jungkook opens his mouth to speak, but Taehyung cuts him off. “Before you argue! I’ve been to the place before, it’s really chill. It’s like a grill and bar place. Not a lot of people go there, so don’t worry about crowds. It’s totally fine-”

“Now you’re rambling.”

“Sorry, sorry. I just really wanted you to be comfortable.”

It’s a sweet gesture, and Jungkook’s heart flutters against his will. He does his best to ignore it. He pretends to think for a bit about Taehyung’s proposal.

“You promise we’re not gonna get there and immediately be met with a huge crowd like we’re in some old tv show?” Taehyung lights up.

“I’ll see what I can do!”

“Then I’ll be there.” At this, Taehyung lets out a sigh of relief.

“I was worried you’d say no for a second.” Jungkook picks up the remote and resumes the show. “I think you and Shownu will really get along.”

Jungkook freezes. He’d never heard the other guy’s name before. Now, reality is starting to set in. This is real. He’s meeting the guy that’s in the place he’s wanted to be in for such a long time.

He has a feeling he and Shownu will not, in fact, get along.

~

Jungkook doesn’t ever think he’s taken longer to get ready for something in his life.

He’s still going to go, of course. He wouldn’t just stand his friend up after he did everything he could to accomodate him and his mildly crippling anxiety. He just wouldn’t pretend to be enthusiastic about it. At least, not until he had to. 

He decides that this time he’ll follow Taehyung’s advice, throwing a leather jacket on to add to his otherwise plain outfit. He doesn’t know why he does it, maybe just to keep himself grounded, but he finds it comforting in a way. Like when he was a kid and he believed hiding under the blankets would protect him from whatever creatures may be lurking in the night.

Only this time the creatures are his stupid feelings. His stupid feelings which won’t go away no matter how many blankets he piles onto himself to burrow away from them. 

The universe decides to break him out of the rabbit hole of overthinking he finds himself peering over the edge of, as there’s a knock on the door. 

He opens the door and comes face to face with Taehyung once again. He manages to find humor in his current situation, the similarities to the diasastrous night that began all of his inner turmoil uncanny.

“I see you decided to take my advice,” Taehyung remarks, looking at his leather jacket. “It looks good.” Jungkook offers him a small smile.

“We should go before the crowd gets there,” Jungkook teases.

“There won’t be a crowd!” Taehyung says, exasperated. “You keep talking about them and you’re gonna jinx it.”

“If it means I get more free food, I think I’ll manage.” Taehyung playfully shoves him, and the two of them head off.

~

The bar doesn’t seem particularly busy tonight, much to Jungkook’s delight.

There’s a decent amount of cars, but given that it’s a Saturday night it could be much worse. 

Entering the bar, it’s clear to see that this place is much different compared to the other bars Jungkook has been dragged to over the years. There’s tables and booths scattered arund the building, along with an actual bar for the people who would prefer the more traditional experience. There’s music flowing through the speakers, much lower in volume compared to the likely heavily packed clubs spread around the city, but still loud enough that the lyrics can be heard. The smell of food floats through the air from the kitchen in the back, the enticing scent having Jungkook almost floating in the air like he’s in a cartoon. There’s a few groups of people sitting at the tables and bars, chatting away, others on the small dance floor.

“This is the nicest place you’ve ever taken me to,” Jungkook says as the two of them make their way to an empty booth. “Are you sure we’re allowed in here?” Taehyung chuckles.

“Oh don’t be like that, the other places weren’t even that bad!” Jungkook raises an eyebrow at him. “Okay, they were bad, but I can go to nice places too!”

“A broken clock is right two times a day, I suppose.” Taehyung ignores Jungkook’s thinly veiled insult.

“I invited Jimin to join us as well since you two seemed to get along.”

“For what?”

“I just…” Taehyung trails off for a second. “I didn’t want you to be a tird wheel.”

“Oh. Right.” 

Jungkook hadn’t even considered that before agreeing to come. He’s glad he’ll have at least someone else to focus on to keep him from curling in on himself entirely.

As if on cue, Taehyung spots the two in question and, in an extremely embarrassing fashion for anyone else, waves both his arms at them to catch their attention. Jungkook hides his face, hoping that no one other than the two people now coming over, if Taehyung’s satisfied smile is anything to go by, will recognize him.

“Sorry we’re so late! Lots of traffic tonight,” a voice that Jungkook recognizes as Jimin says. Jungkook looks up to greet him, when his eyes drift over to who he assumes is Shownu.

The first thing Jungkook notices about Shownu is that he’s significantly more built than what he was expecting. The second thing he ntoices is that Shownu could easily drop out of college and pursue a modeling career. This is possibly the most beautiful man Jungkook has ever seen, and he finds himself fixing his hair because of it.

Jungkook has already decided that Shownu is his mortal enemy.

~

The animosity doesn’t last as long as Jungkook would have liked.

Shownu is funny, well put together, and just an all around nice guy. He does his best to include them all in conversation, and even offered to pay for the first round of drinks. 

He’s almost distracted, not expecting to actually enjoy himself tonight, until Shownu plants a kiss on Taehyung’s cheek while Jimin tells a story. He feels his stomach start to turn at the sight, but he does his best to ignore it, not wanting to to ruin everyone’s mood with his jealousy.  

The night goes on, the increasing alcohol in his system making Taehyung more and more affectionate as time passes. He’s leaning on Shownu more now, the latter seeming to enjoy the attention while also signalling to the waitor to serve Taehyung water in place of alcohol. 

Jungkook sighs. He really can’t bring himself to dislike the guy. 

Taehyung decides that he wants to dance, so he drags Shownu away and begins leading him to the dance floor, a few other couples having moved that way as hell.

Once the two of them leave, Jungkook lets out a breath, now feeling like he can breathe while the two of them are off being all over each other in a place outside of his field of vision. 

“So how long have you had feelings for Tae?” Jimin asks casually, taking a sip of his wine as if he’d just made a remark about the weather. Jungkook is, understandably, caught off guard. He does his best to maintain his composure. 

“What are you talking about?” Jungkook says after what felt like way too long to be an honest answer.

“Dude, you can drop the act. I won’t tell anyone,” Jimin says. “Though I’m surprised you haven’t told on yourself just yet. You’ve been trying to stare daggers at Shownu since we got here.”

“Trying?”

“Yes. And failing. Because you don’t even hate Shownu, you barely know him. You’re just jealous he’s in the position you wish you were.” Jungkook sighs.

“Y’know, I didn’t come out tonight to be read like this,” He says with a chuckle.

“It’s part of my charm. Consider me your traumatizing life coach.”

“Did you steal that from a TikTok?”

“Hey, I’m the one doing the reading here.” The two of them share a laugh. “But between you and me,” Jimin starts, suddenly sounding serious, “I don’t think their relationship will really go anywhere.” Jungkook’s interest has peaked now, and he turns to face Jimin fully.

“What makes you say that?”

“Can’t say. I’m sworn to secrecy.” Jimin thinks for a moment. “Besides, it’s best you don’t hear it from me. It would probably cause chaos otherwise.”

“You’re beginning to worry me.”

“Also part of my charm.”

“Is Shownu like…. A murderer or something?” Jimin shakes his head, an amused smile gracing his features. “A bank robber? A secret agent?” Jungkook goes silent for a moment, and then gasps. “Is the government after him for committing tax faud?” Jimin begins to laugh.

“Nah, nothing as interesting as any of those.” Jimin says, and then leans in. “He’s an alien.” When Jungkook’s eyes widen, Jimin laughs again. “I’m kidding! Just kidding. He’s just a normal guy.”

“Should I just move on then?” Jungkook asks, his cheerful demeanor starting to fade away.

“That’s up to you to decide,” Jimin says. “But.. don’t lose hope just yet. That’s all I can tell you.” Jungkook sighs for the umpteenth time tonight. “Come on, I’ll take you home.”

“But what about-”

“They’ll be fine. They probably won’t even notice we’re gone.”

The two of them wave a passing waitress over to pay their tab, and head out the door.

The drive is quiet, save for the soft melody coming from the radio. They arrive at Jungkook’s dorm and, though the end of the night left him confused, he still had a good time. He thinks he and Jimin will be really good friends one day. When he opens the dorm of the car, he turns to face Jimin.

“Hey, um,” Jungkook starts, “thanks for talking to me.”

 “Ah, no problem,” Jimin insists. “I’ll see you around, yeah?” Jungkook nods before stepping out of the car and heading to the dorm, thoughts floating through his head as he tries to figure out what Jimin knows about Shownu and Taehyung’s relationship that he doesn’t.

Unbeknownst to Jimin and Jungkook, Taehyung did, in fact, notice that the two of them had left together, if the tears that flowed so freely were anything to go by.

~

The next week, classes are cancelled, most buildings on campus are closed, save for the necessities like the dorms and dining hall, and people all over campus have either gone home or decided to hibernate in their dorms.

There’s a winter storm coming.

The snowfall predicted is said to be a few feet at least, and the roads will be iced over. Campus slowly becomes a ghost town, with no one wanting to be trapped in their tiny dorms under these conditions. 

Jungkook opts to stay put where he is. He likes the idea of there being significantly less people around, snow falling and turning the once boring school into a winter wonderland. It reminds him of when he was a kid, and he would get to stay home and play in the snow, until his mom would call him inside, worried he would get sick. 

He’s in the middle of a game now, deciding today was a good day to do the most challenging levels of Super Mario Maker he could find, when he hears his phone ding on his bed. The noise distracts him, causing him to fall into an awaiting pit of lava, the sound signalling his character’s demise mocking him. 

He turns around to grab the device, lighting the screen up and revealing a text from Taehyung.

Tae Tae: Wanna go get lunch?

Jungkook is about to type out his response when another message comes through.

Tae Tae: You’re never gonna beat that level

Tae Tae: Too many trick moves

Jungkook is almost shocked that Taehyung knows what he’s up to, before remembering he’d been struggling with this particular level for weeks now and had made that fact very known. He begins typing out his response.

Kook: I’ll have you know I’m an expert gamer

Kook: Where we meeting up?

They end up going to the same diner they went to just last week, having already formed an addiction for the unhealthy food they have to offer.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen this much snow in my life,” Taehyung says after they’ve placed their orders.

“Me either. Normally I like the cold but I think even I have my limits.” Taehyung laughs.

“Man, we’re getting old huh? We’re sitting here talking about the weather. I thought we had at least another ten years before we got to this point.” It’s Jungkook’s turn to laugh now.

“Only ten?”

“Maybe not. I did just have to drag you away from a video game.”

“There’s no age limit on video games!” 

“Yeah, yeah. I’ve heard this rant before.” 

“You keep calling me out and you’ll hear it again.” The two share a laugh. 

“Do you ever miss being a kid?” Taehyung asks, suddenly sounds serious.

“Who wouldn’t? I didn’t even know student debt existed when I was a kid, now look at me drowning in it.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” Taehyung says, then pauses. “But what about like, I dunno, feelings and stuff?” This catches Jungkook’s attention.

“What like, hormones and stuff?” Taehyung chuckles.

“Kind of. Like, the only emotions we understood as kids were like anger and sadness and sadness. But not even like, fully either.”

“I think I get what you mean. When did things get so complicated?”

“Exactly. Everything used to be so simple.”

The two of them sit in silence for a moment. Neither of them usually discuss things like this with each other. Something has shifted between the two of them, thought what that shift might be, neither is sure. This is new territory for them, so neither is sure how to go about such a seemingly sudden change.

“Y’know,” Taehyung starts, “even with everything that’s changed, I’m glad you’ve stuck with me throughout all of it.”

“Of course I did,” Jungkook responds immediately. “How could I not after you were pretty much my guide throughout middle school?”

“You were wandering the halls looking for your next class for three days! I couldn’t just leave you hanging like that.”

“I totally could’ve managed.”

“And you’re also totally gonna beat that level you’ve been struggling with.”

“I was close!” Jungkook says, dramatically slamming his hands on the table. “I was so close, but then you dragged me away.”

“Oh sure, blame your lack of skills on me.”

The two of them continue to banter and bicker with each other, and things feel like they always did between the two of them. When their food arrives, they immediately begin trying to catch the food in their mouths, tossing it to each other and keeping score, and it feels like they’re back in middle school.

It feels like everything is simple again.

~

Once the two of them leave the diner, having filled themselves with unhealthy food that they’ll definitely regret later, they begin the trek back to Jungkook’s dorm. On the way, they pass by the school’s fountain at the center of campus. It’s frozen over now, coins that students tossed in for good luck rest at the bottom of the ice. 

“Think we could break this and make some money?” Taehyung asks.

“It’s probably mostly pennies. Would it even be worth all the trouble?” Jungkook responds, looking into the fountain and examining the copper toned coins frozen in place. 

“Where’s your sense of adventure?” Taehyung is turned away from Jungkook now, but goes unnoticed as Jungkook continues his search. He spots an old band aid among the coins, scrunching his nose in disgust.

“The same place the coins are.” He looks up and sees Taehyung is facing away from him, but thinks nothing of it. “Your ideas of adventure usually end with us getting in trouble anyway. You’d be in jail by now if it weren’t for-”

Jungkook is cut off when a snowball is hurled at him, hitting the side of his face. He looks up immediately, meeting the mischievous eyes of his best friend. 

“What? Too mature for a snowball fight?”

“You don’t know what you’ve done.”

Jungkook scoops up snow and begins forming it in no time, and Taehyung’s eyes widen in fear. 

It’s not long before a war has broken out in the quad. They throw what feels like hundreds of snowballs between the two of them, laughing and screaming with delight as they do so. Eventually, the two of them tired themselves out, lying next to each other and laughing, the absurdity of their impromptu snowball fight finally setting in.

“We haven’t hung out like this in such a long time,” Jungkook says through giggles.

“Yea, it’s been so long. I’ve missed you over the past week,” Taehyung agrees.

“I’ve missed you, too.” Jungkook says. The next part, he lets slip out on accident, lowering his voice so that Taehyung can’t hear him. “I love you.’

He didn’t lower it enough.

“What’d you just say?”

Jungkook’s stomach drops. He couldn’t have heard him. He didn’t.

“I just said I missed you.”

“No, no. You said something after that.” 

“I think you’re just hearing things. Did you get snow in your ears?”

“Jungkook.”

“I have to go.”

Jungkook stands from his spot and adjusts his jacket. Before he can make his escape and regret every life choice that brought him to this moment, he feels a tug on his arm.

“Say it again.”

“No. Please let me go.” He refuses to turn around and face Taehyung, and something in his chest aches at the realization.

“Don’t leave.” Jungkook says nothing, but he doesn’t move to get away either. 

“I need to go.”

“You don’t.”

“Yes I do!” Jungkook yells, catching both of them off guard. “I can’t be around you. Not when I’ve felt like this for years.” Jungkook finally turns to face Taehyung, tears streaking down his face. “Not when I’m watching you fall for someone else. Someone who isn’t me.” 

Taehyung finds his hold on Jungkook’s arm is weakening, and he lets Jungkook walk away. 

Jungkook starts back on his way to his dorm, moving quickly, hoping that the faster he got to his drm the faster the embarrassment he felt would disappear. Taehyung’s touch, he found, burned against his skin, completely different from the gentle warmth he’d grown accustomed to. Taehyung would go to Shownu, and after some time, he’d forget about Jungkook. That’s what he believed.

He would never know that Taehyung stayed frozen in place as he watched Jungkook’s retreating form, tears of his own staining his face.

~

Taehyung has lost track of how long it’s been since that fateful day in the snow.

A few days? A week? Two weeks? He’s honestly not sure anymore. 

Jungkook’s confession had woken up so many things in him at once. Sadness upon realizing that his friend has been holding onto those feelings fornsuch a long time. Guilt knowing that he’d essentially been flaunting his new relationship in his face, blatantly letting his friend know that he wasn’t interested in the most callous way he could do so. The worst part, though?

It had brought back old feelings he’d thought he had moved on from.

There was a time where Taehyung was certain that he and Jungkook would end up together at some point. The two of them were inseperable from the time they first became friends to a few weeks ago. It always made sense to him that they would get together and stay that way for a long time. 

But things didn’t work out that way.

Taehyung had taken Jungkook’s shyness about the subject of them as a silent rejection. As a result, he’d told himself he had to move on from him, and for a while, he did. That is, until they’d started college together. 

Once their environment had changed, Taehyung had noticed a change in Jungkook..

He was still averse to parties, that was still the same. But he’d grown more confident in himself. He’d been exploring different hobbies, started getting tattoos like he always talked about doing, he’d even joined a few clubs. Even with his newfound confidence, he was still the same boy that Taehyung had helped create a place for when they were kids. 

Against his better judgement, Taehyung found himself falling for him again. 

He thought that now, since he’d grown as a person, surely now he would confess his feelings. But the confession never came, and Taehyung had to once again push his feelings away. This is when Shownu came in. 

Originally, they were just friends with benefits. No strings attached, they had agreed. They got along quite well, and that was all there was to it.

But Taehyung’s feelings for Jungkook still lingered, and he decided he needed to take it a step further.

He was thankful that Shownu had been okay with getting to know each other outside of the bedroom. Eventually, the guilt of using Shownu for his own reasons had started to eat away at him. He was leading someone else on but he couldn’t stop himself from doing it.

But when he’d noticed that Jungkook and Jimin left together that night at the bar, the dam broke. 

That night, he’d told Shownu everything. The years of pining that had resulted in nothing, the reason he’d started their arrangement, everything, and Shownu had been nothing but understanding. 

So here he was now. Cooped up in his room, sittting with the fact that he’d been casuing his friend so much strife, all because of his own selfishness. Even now knowing Jungkook’s feelings, he fears that he’s messed up too many times for them to ever have something more than they already do.

He’s in the midst of wallowing in self pity when he hears a knock at the door.

“It’s open,” he says, refusing to leave from the cocoon of blankets he’s buried himself in.

The door creaks open slowly, and Jimin walks in, rattling a bag of food like someone would do for their pet cat.

“I’ve got a piping hot bag of bad decisions with me,” Jimin says, approaching the vaguely human shaped pile he believes is his friend. Taehyung grumbles in response. “Still havent’ heard from Jungkook?”

“No.”

“You gonna reach out to him?’

“No.”

“You gonna stay in here and watch Bob Ross painting videos instead of facing your fears head on?” 

“Yup.” Jimin sighs.

“You two are very similar, you know that?” Taehyung says nothing. “You guys really need to talk about… whatever it is you’ve got going on. That’s the main problem here.”

“What good will that do?” Taehyung asks, irritation present in his voice. “He probably hates me. And I don’t even blame him.” 

“Well, at least we’ve crossed that bar.” Taehyung glares at him. “You’re not the only one at fault here, though. He bottles his feelings up as much as you do.” 

“So what am I supposed to do, Jimin?” a sniffle. “I don’t know what to do anymore.’

Jimin’s heart aches at the pain in Taehyung’s voice. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen the younger boy so distraught. He moves to comfort him, placing a hand on Taehyung’s back to try to calm him down, if even a little. 

“I’m not sure,” Jimin says. “I think right now you should be honest with him. I think at this point, all he needs is for you to tell him how you really feel.”

“Do you think it’s that easy?”

“I do.”

Taehyung considers this for a moment. If he’d been honest from the beginning, years ago even, they wouldn’t be here. He just hopes that later is better than never. 

“Okay. Then that’s what I’ll do.” Jimin smiles at him. 

“Good. Now move over, Bob Ross’ voice eases the troubles of my soul.”

“What troubles do you have?”

“Two idiots not knowing how to communicate.”

“You’re sitting on the floor.”

~

Jungkook has never felt embarrassment as intensely as he does now. 

It’s been long enough that any other person likely would’ve moved on, but this wasn’t something as simple as dropping your lunch plate in the middle of the cafeteria and having the entire room clap. Been there, done that.

He’d confessed to his best friend of several years that he’s in love with him. His best friend who he knew was seeing someone, at that. 

He’s locked himself in his dorm once again, not even bothering to distract himself. Instead, he opts to just lie in bed and think about where everything had gone wrong in his life over the past few weeks. 

Maybe he shouldn’t have let Taehyung talk him into going to that party. What if he hadn’t gone looking for Taehyung when he disappeared that night? Perhaps he shouldn’t have forgiven him so easily. He knew that last one wasn’t an option, though. He would’ve softened up eventually.

Now, things are different. He was okay with livivng with his feelings knowing that they would nver be reciprocated. He would still have Taehyung as a friend, and if he was happy, that would be enough for him, even if he wasn’t the one making him happy. 

He’s been getting a lot of texts from Hoseok recently, likely wondering why he hasn’t been showing up to practices. Jungkook takes advantage of the weather conditions, claiming to have gotten sick. Hoseok had believed him at first, but the longer time passed, the more suspicious he got. 

Jungkook has sent a couple messages in response, assuring him that everything would be okay, along with other vague promises. 

He’s not sure what to do at this point. Maybe he hopes Jimin really has been lying so he can move on properly. He wouldn’t be shocked if Shownu showed up to beat him up at some point. He supposes he deserves it. Shownu hasn’t done anything wrong, and now he’s in the middle of this mess.

While Jungkook begins to spiral from regret to guilt, there’s a knock at the door. This time, he’s a lot less willing to deal with whatever this could be.

“Go away, no one’s here,” Jungkook says halfl heartedly.

“Hmmm, alrighty then,” a voice he recognizes as Hoseok says. “I guess I’ll take my snacks and Marvel movie box set elsewhere!” Jungkook’s eyes widen.

“Fine, it’s open.” 

Hoseok walks in, a smug smile on his lips. 

“Knew that would work.” He places his bags down before taking a seat at Jungkook’s desk, turning to face him. “So what’s up with you?”

“I told you, I’m sick.”

“If you were sick you wouldn’t have let me in.”

“Maybe I’m in the mood to infect someone.”

“You also get sassier when you’re lying.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

The two of them stare at each other, waiting for the other to break. A few more seconds go by.

“If I talk can we watch Iron Man first?” Jungkook says, not enjoying the silence in the room.

“Yes.” Jungkook sighs.

“Alright.”

Jungkook tells Hoseok everything, starting from how they met in middle school all the way up to what happened that day in the quad. He tells him about all the time they spent together in high school, how they had gone to prom with a group and ended up alone together in a park from their childhoof at the end of the night. He went through the details of Taehyung getting his first apartment, and how Jungkook had spent the first night there with him. 

He talks for about an hour, and Hoseok lets him talk, not wanting to interrupt what appears to be the retelling of happy memories. Up until the current events that have him hiding out in his room, that is. 

It’s only when Jungkook finishes that Hoseok decides to speak.

“It sounds like you love him a lot,” he says.

“I do,” Jungkook says. “I really do.”

“But it also sounds like he loves you, too.”

“Okay now you’re just making up things to say.’

“No, I’m serious. If what you’ve told me really did happen then it sounds like he’s just as ass over tits in love with you as you are with him.”

“Don’t you mean head over heels?”

“I know what I said.”

“But that can’t be right. He literally invited me on a date with Shownu.”

“Are you sure that night was for Shownu? He went out of his way to find a place you would find the most comfortable. Did he even once mention Shownu liking the place when he was telling you about it?” 

Jungkook thinks about this for a moment. He remembers Taehyung ensuring that he would have fun, that this was the most comfortable place for him. He’d even invited Jimin out to ensure he wouldn’t feel left out at any point. 

“I mean, I guess. But I think he was just afraid I’d cut him off if he dragged me to some noisy club.” 

“Maybe it was both?”

“Maybe. But there’s definitely something there. I know there is.”

“And if there is? What do I do then? I’ve already confessed to him. On accident, like a moron.”

“Well, you already know how you feel. You just gotta wait for him to figure his feelings out.”

“And if he figures out he feels nothing for me?”

“Then you move on. You deserve to be happy too, you know. You shouldn’t have to hurt yourself just to keep him happy. If he was ever your friend he’ll understand that and respect whatever decision you make.”

Jungkook considers his friend's words. It’ll hurt, but if this is what causes the end of a precious friendship, then this is where it ends. He does a lot for other people, never thinking of how that could benefit him. But maybe it’s time for him to do that. At least once.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. I’ll just have to wait until I hear from him again. And when the time comes to make a decision, I’ll know which one I need to make.”

Hoseok stands from where he’s sitting and crosses the small distance between the two of them, wrapping his arms around Jungkook’s frame. Jungkook returns the gesture.

“Thanks for being here, Hobi.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’m always here if you need me.”

“Can we watch Iron Man now? That was emotionally exhausting.”

“You do know that Iron Man-”

“One emotional outburst at a time, please.”

~

Jungkook is feeling much better these days.

He still hasn’t heard from Taehyung, but that’s okay. He’ll reach out when he’s ready.

The school has reopened, the storm finally passing and the ice starting to melt. Life slowly but surely trickles back onto campus, musch like the way the fountain in the quad has begun to flow like it used to. 

It’s when Jungkook is heading back to the dorm to change for practice that he recieves a message he’s been both apprehensive about and excited to recieve.

Tae Tae: Can you come to my apartment tonight? I think it’s time we talked.

Jungkook doesn’t hesitate to answer this time.

Kook: No problem, I’ll see you then.

~

“You sure you’ll be okay?” Hoseok asks from the driver’s seat of his car.

“Yea, I’m sure. I’ll just catch a bus if things go bad.”

“Do not do that. Call me if you need to.”

“Okay dad, anything else?”

“Remember what we talked about.”

“I will.”

Jungkook gets out of the car and makes his way to the door. He turns around before knocking, seeing Hoseok shoot him a thumbs up to cheer him on. Jungkook turns around, takes a deep breath and knocks on the door. Almost immediately, the door swings open, scaring him.

“Were you like, right by the door?” Jungkook asks, obviously startled.

“Yeah. Sorry, I was just nervous.” He peaks over Jungkook’s shoulder and spots Hoseok in the driveway. Taehyung waves at him, which Hoseok mimics before he pulls away. “Do you wanna head in?”

“That’s probably for the best. It’s still pretty cold out here.”

Jungkook lets Taehyung lead him to the living room, despite having already been here more times than he can count. They sit on opposite ends of the couch, not sure how to start after how they left things the last time they saw each other.

“So, um,” Taehyung starts, “how’ve you been?”

“Oh, god, can we please skip the awkward small talk? My head might explode,” Jungkook says, chucling slightly.

“Sorry,” Taehyung says. “I’m just not sure where to start.”

“Do you want me to go first?”

“Please?” Jungkook nods. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m nervous too.” He takes a deep breath. “Well, I think it’s safe to say we both know how I feel about you.” Taehyung nods. “It’s okay that you don’t feel the way that I do. You aren’t obligated to do so just because we’ve known each other for so long.” He pauses. “But I won’t pretend this isn’t hurting me. I can’t keep doing that to myself. I’ll do my best to hold on to our friendship but it becomes too much for me… then I’ll just have to go.”

Taehyung can only stare at him in shock. He can’t believe the words that he’s hearing right now.

“You think… that I don’t feel the same about you?” 

“I mean… you didn’t say anything when I confessed to you.”

“You kinda caught me off guard.”

“That makes two of us.”

“But that’s actually what I invited you over to talk about.” A pause. “I’ve been in love with you since high school.” Jerry’s eyes widen. “Maybe even before that.”

“Wait, but what about-”

“Shownu? I just started hooking up with him to try to get over you. We just tried the dating thing to see where he would go.”

“So you guys are-”

“Broken up? Yeah, we split after that night at the bar.” Jungkook is about to ask another question, and this time Taehyung beats him to it. “I kinda thought you left with Jimin so you guys could… you know.”

“Why the hell would you think that?”

“In my defense I’d had a lot to drink that night.”

“You seem to do that a lot.”

“So I like a good cocktail, sue me!”

“You like several good cocktails”

The air feels significantly lighter than it had when they first sat down, now that their feelings are out in the open. The silence that settles over them after a bit more bantering is comfortable. They’ve moved closer to each other now as they catch each other up on everything they’ve been up to. 

Jungkook decides he can’t help himself.

“Can I kiss you?”

Taehyung pauses immediately. He thinks he’s misheard him at first, until he sees Jungkook’s eyes flicker down to his lips. He’s certain his voice will betray him as soon as he speaks, so he decides to nod instead. 

Slowly, agonizingly slowly, they inch closer to one another.

When their lips finally connect, there are no fireworks. It doesn’t feel like time has stopped around them, and it doesn’t feel like the rest of the world has faded away and they’re the only ones left.

It feels like coming inside and having hot chocolate after playing in the snow all day. It feels like your parents cooking your favorite meal after you’ve had a hard day. It feels like putting on an old, worn pair of shoes after spending the day trying to break in a new pair all day.

Kissing Taehyung feels like home.

One kiss turns into two, which melts into five, and eventually the two of them find themselves unable to separate from one another. Jungkook pushes Taehyung down until his back meets the cushion of the sofa, and Taehyung allows him to do so. Jungkook’s dragging his hands wherever he can reach, wanting to memorize every detail of Taehyung’s body. Taehyung slides his hands under Jungkook’s shirt, drawing small shapes in his skin. 

It’s when Jungkook grinds his hips into Taehyung’s by mistake, a whimper being ripped from Taehyung’s throat because of it, that they realize the compromising position they’re in. Jungkook pulls away, his eyes drifitng down to Taehyung’s kiss swollen lips.

“Do you want to-”

“Yes.” Jungkook blinks.

“You didn’t even let me-”

“Don’t need to. I’ve been waiting for this for years.”

“I just don’t wanna hurt you.”

“Ooooh, you think you could?” Jungkook squints at him.

“You think I can’t?”

“I’m just saying, I’ve been with a lot of guys-”

“Can we please not talk you hooking up with other guys when I’m on top of you-”

“-and only one has ever been able to make me cry.”

“Wait, who?” Taehyung freezes.

“Forget I said anything,” he tries to lean up to kiss him again, but Jungkook pushes him back down immediately.

“Tell me who it was.”

“But-”

Now.” Jungkook’s demeanor has changed completely, but Taehyung can’t help but continue to tease him.

“Hmm I can’t seem to remember his name now. How odd! Bizarre, even”

“Taehyung.”

“Fine, you’re no fun. It was Shownu.” Jungkook tenses up. “It’s fine, don’t worry if you can’t-”

“Are you challenging me?”

“Maybe a little.”

Jungkook captures Taehyung’s lips again, much more vigorously than he had before. He grinds into Taehyung again, his movements deliberate, rough. The action elicits another sound from Taehyung’s lips, and Jungkook wishes he could make it his ringtone.

“Be careful what you wish for, baby boy.”

It’s not long before clothes are shed, scattered about the apartment in a careless fashion. They continue their minstrations, touches evolving into grabbing, light whimpers turning into loud moans.

Sounds of skin slapping against skin bounce off every wall of the apartment. Breathy moans and whines blend together, creating a symphony of pleasure between the two of them. They continue on until the wee hours of the morning, their bodies having grown slick with sweat.

Jungkook is the second person to ever make Taehyung cry.

~

The following weekend, there’s another party held at Kim Seokjin’s house. 

Taehyung convinces Jungkook once again to go with him, promising they could leave whenever he was ready. 

Jungkook is much more confident now, his arm slung over Taehyung’s shoulder as the two of them walk in. Mirroring the last time, Hoseok spots the two of them immediately when they walk in. Much like last time, he’s drunk.

“Jungkook! You came! I haven’t seen you in so long.”

“You saw me two days ago.”

“Exactly. That’s practically years!” He leans in closer to try, and fail,to whisper to Jungkook. “So what’s up with him.” He very blatantly gestures to Taehyung, who’s watching the two of them interact, amusement written all over his features. 

“Things are good. We’re good.” Hoseok smiles before directing his attention to Taehyung.

“If you’d hurt him I swear I would’ve destroyed you.”

“You cried in the mall because a bunch of middle school kids tripped you and called your shoes stupid.”

“Middle schoolers are mean, man.” Hoseok hears someone call his name somewhere in the distance, and stumbles in that direction.

“Is he gonna be plastered every time we meet?” Taehyung asks, watching as Hoseok turns to wave goodbye to them.

“Honestly? Probably.”

They find their way to the same area they had been the last time they were last time, occupied by the very same people as well. This time, Shownu sits among them. For the first time tonight, Jungkook feels nervous. Shownu sees the two of them coming and waves them over. 

“Hey, Jungkook! Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Yea, Guess it has been a long time.” A beat of silence. “Listen, I-”

“No no, don’t you dare apologize. It’s completely fine. I didn’t expect things to get serious anyway.” 

“Are you sure? Because-”

“No, really. I’m completely fine. I’m glad you two are happy.” He smiles, and Jungkook returns it. 

He decides he thinks Shownu is actually a pretty cool guy.

Taehyung and Jungkook stay for a while, laughing and talking with the other people seated in the area. Taehyung eventually begins drinking to the point of heavy intoxication, as he often does, and Jungkook opts to take him home. They say their goodbyes, and Jungkook carries Taehyung out on his back and all the way back to campus. 

Though it’s only been about a month since they were last here, the walk home makes Jungkook feel nostalgic. The night that had ended so badly for him had resulted in a whirlwind of emotions and unfortunate events. Even so, he thinks he’d do it all over again if he had the chance. 

He glances over his shoulder and is met with the sleeping face of Taehyung, him having dozed off halfway through the walk home. As he gazes at the view before him he thinks yes, he absolutely would go through all of that again. 

As long as he ended up with Taehyung in the end, he would do anything. 

[michaelarowrites]

Hi hi!! Just finished reading Honor the Words yesterday - SOOOO GOOD! So much LORE! The plot is THICKENING!!! Im EXCITE!! :DDD thank you so much for this story and these characters theyre always so wonderful (genderqueer yumeko & asuka hello!! New godly powers whaaaaat?!! Literally everything with/about youji & that stuff with the characters taking on more power with their godly aspects?!!?!?!)

Im already looking forward to the next one XD how many books are you expecting there to be in the series? 6 for each divinity? (Also are you expecting to get the next book out next year?) Also also, do you have an approximate for how many words these books are? If not no worries ^_^ im just curious

Im rereading both of them now and oh my GOD i cant believe you mentioned the blood ash cult in book one! I COMPLETELY missed that! XD On that note, im looking forward to seeing Akane again! Maybe she'll become an ally oooo... And learning more about Shiori's childhood with the blue dragons.

YOU PLANT SO MANY SEEDS AND I LOVE THEM ALL! THE GARDEN THIS ALL TURNS OUT TO BE WILL BE AMAZING!!

(Akdgskf side note: i cant believe it took me this long to realize the sun moon and star nations are comparable to japan korea and china *facepalm* lol)

I have sooooooooo many thoughts about this world thats mostly just excited questioning about lore and future events XD but theres too many to say or even remember at one time so i hope i can convey it all when i say im LOVING! EVERYTHING youre doing here and i cant wait to watch the rest of it unfold <3333 thank you sooo much!!

Thank you so much, friend!! I'm so glad you enjoyed the book, and I'm very glad you asked all of these questions =D To be honest, one of the most difficult parts of the self-publishing process is that I don't get comments like I would when posting a story chapter by chapter online, so it sorta leaves me at a loss wondering if anyone is reading/enjoying the story. So thank you very much!

And I am always very happy to answer questions about these books! So here I go, in probably more detail than you ever wanted to have =D =D

- The original plan was to have at least 8 books, one for each divinity and then two that were going to be... something else. But I've been working on the third one and realized that it would just be easier if I don't try to confine the entire arc to one book, so now the series is just going to be however long it needs to be =D Although, knowing me, it's really going to depend on how much I enjoy writing these stories and how much people enjoy reading them =) I always write more when I know people want to read more.

- I am in the final stretch of finishing the first draft of the third novel! (it took me a loooong time to figure out how I wanted to end it, so writing this one took longer than it should have). After that it's the editing/beta reading process. My hope is that it would be out early next year, but definitely no later than the summer of 2022, since summers seem to be when I publish them =P

- And yes! I actually have a very deliberate word count that I shoot for-- I aim for each book to be about 60K words long, although I think Shine the Brightest was a little less than that and Honor the Words was a little longer. But my goal was to have these books be as cheap as possible, and the shorter the novels are, the cheaper they are to buy. (The longer the books are, the more the print costs are, so the higher the flat rate for minimum cost). But also, I figured I could finish writing them faster if they were only 60K words long.

- Hahaha, the Blood Ash cult was planted early in the first book because I knew they would be significant later, but it's definitely something you would miss except on a re-read. So thank you!

- Akane returns in the third book! And you find out a little bit more about Shiori's childhood =)

- And hahaha no a map/general layout doesn't exist yet, but I definitely need to make one, because I keep writing in terrain details and eventually I'm going to have to figure out where all the territories are in relation to one another. (In the third book, I mention that the Blue realms are near the ocean, and I had this mental note of "dang you better remember that and come up with a map later" but then I didn't.)

- Hahaha, no, Masaomi's safe sex practices only prevented the other grand dragons from privately assassinating him and making his kid the new Red Dragon. They probably would have killed him regardless. So there you have it, safe sex protects you from assassinations XD

Thank you so much for all your questions and for your enthusiasm, friend =D I'm very happy to answer more!! Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoy how it all turns out!