#i got so livid and then so emotional and it made me so tired!!

[whentherewerebicycles]

ok reworked a big chunk of my cover letter and then ran out of steam (I have slept… so badly all week) but I’m feeling positive about it. I really don’t want to spend a ton of time obsessing over it so I’m going to try to finish it tomorrow after my morning meetings. I have an annoying work meeting first thing (about the situation I rage-cried about earlier today) but then I get to follow it up with a meeting with my all-time fave student. those calls always leave me feeling sooo happy and energized so I should be in a great headspace for finishing the letter. I ideally want to submit tomorrow but if I feel the materials aren’t quite there for whatever reason I’ll allow myself the weekend to tinker. I am qualified for this job! and pretty sure I would greatly enjoy literally every aspect of it!! cross your fingers for me!!!

[toji-girl]

Can you please write something like pregnant reader cries to Toji about something insignificant to him but gets mad at him for not taking her seriously at first? Like hurt/comfort and fluff 💖💖thank you

I haven't been pregnant for a hot minute so I'm trying to remember what I got super upset over which I think was mostly over food lmaoo and ofc! I love writing for Toji and his pregnant wife 🩷 also, this may be more than an insignificant thing but I hope you still enjoy! thank you for asking for this! I love Toji dkgje

tags: pregnant! fem reader + angst with a happy ending

No one warned you about the emotions that would wrack your entire being when you got pregnant, at first you'd thought you glow and be bouncy and airy but right now you are anything but.

There was also no warning about how bad your cravings would get.

Which meant your husband was having to wake up at all times of the night to go get you something. "You wanted to knock me up and think of this as training for when the baby gets here." You tease.

But what you really didn't think about was how far you'd go for said cravings.

All night, you spent awake listening to Toji snore away while you tried your best to get comfortable with your pillows until your stomach started to growl, which wouldn't be a bad thing but seeing that it was a little after three in the morning you still needed something sweet.

You gently pushed his shoulder trying to rouse him from his sleep, it was something he told you to always do when you need something. "Babe? I want some chocolate cake. Please?" You begged softly.

With the whine in your voice, it irritated him. Over the last few weeks, his sleep schedule was already in hell and here he is getting woken up. "What?" He asked clearly upset that you woke him up this early.

You frowned at his tone feeling your bottom lip quiver and then a flash of anger made your blood boil and it hurt your feelings.

"Nothing, I'll go get it." You huffed and got off the bed with a heavy sigh when your swollen feet touched the cool hardwood floor, your belly round and swollen made it hard to see anything really.

But that still didn't stop you from getting dressed with Toji still sleeping while you attempted your best to shove your feet into shoes before leaving out the front door, alone and in search of the chocolate cake that was calling your name loud and needy.

The night was crisp causing you to wrap your jacket more around your achy body, with each step more tears streamed down your face, and a mixture of feelings washed over you like a high tide.

Part of you was more than livid that Toji didn't wake up, but the bigger side knew he was exhausted, the man worked his ass off for you and the upcoming baby boy you'd welcome in a few weeks.

You heaved a heavy sigh shielding your vision from the neon signs that shone down on you, the sidewalk was still damp from the earlier rai, thankfully your favorite place was just a few blocks away.

With it being a few minutes away from four in the morning a lot of people weren't out but you still kept an eye out wondering if Toji ever woke up, but that idea soon left when you pushed the doors open and walked inside the Konbini that greeted you with a sweet smell.

Immediately you greeted the worker with a smile and nob before waddling to the aisle with one thing on your mind as you grabbed a few containers of cake and other items before paying for it all.

The walk home was a lot longer seeing that you popped open a slice of cake to enjoy, usually, you'd have a fork but pregnancy brain is true and a real thing so it was forgotten but right now you didn't care.

Ten minutes later you pushed open the front door tired and full when Toji all but jumped you, his arms snaked around your waist pulling you into his chest. "Where the hell did you go woman? I called you only to see your phone still here. What were you thinking leaving the house without me? For some cake?" He asked exasperated.

You pulled away from him and opened another thing of cake feeling your eyes water. "You didn't want to do it, and I understand why, but I couldn't sleep, and I need this cake whether or not you believe me."

He watched you settle on the couch getting comfortable while he rubbed at his face sinking down by your feet which he pulled into his lap. "I do believe you," Toji replied with a sigh looking at you.

"You don't take my cravings seriously, you like to tease me about and I-" You stopped to wipe at your eyes as you shifted in your spot.

Toji frowned and began to massage your feet feeling the guilt eat at him, the idea of you walking around alone at night while heavily pregnant made his stomach sink with worry. "I ain't tryin' to upset you doll, 'm sorry." He murmured softly kissing your ankle.

Once he was done giving you a massage he washed his hands per your request and then sat back down to feed you, he was better at apologizing this way rather than words. "I forgive you, I love you."

He smiled and leaned in to kiss you gently. "I love you too darlin'."

[f3r4lfr0gg3r]

i’ve never requested hcs before so please bare with me 😭 if you could do some hurt and comfort hcs for mizu i would cry..like maybe you end up getting caught in the middle of a fight and get hurt so she ends up having to save you, i always see it where you take care of mizu after a fight but not the other way around. hopefully this makes sense!

Let Me Care for You

Mizu/Reader | Soft Angst/Fluff | GN! Reader | Romantic

Summary: Headcannons for what it'd be like for Mizu to tend your injuries for once as you've done for her time and time again..

AN: Trying out new formatting, hope you guys like the change! Btw I didn't know if you wanted to reference the many fics of reader caring for Mizu in the anon request so I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted, but I hope you still enjoy it!

- You've always been the one to tend to Mizu, worrying over her and her health despite so little she seemed to care for herself at times

- For that, she never understood...why did you care so much? Why put all of that energy into her well being? At first, Mizu was off put by such actions, finding it peculiar with how little she was treated well in her life, especially when you stayed the same after you got a good look at her eyes..

- Your kindness intrigued her, as you even extended your hand to her, you extended your hand to her and her oni ways and showed immeasurable amounts of concern in her times of need.

- Despite how she tried to push you away from first, what first seemed to her as annoying smothering came to be great comfort...

- So to see the person who brought on such..in pain and injured gave her so much fear. To think there could even be the possibility of losing you, to lose the one bit of comfort and vulnerablity she allowed in her life, made Mizu livid.

- Despite her stone cold look, she was genuinely a bit frantic, scared, and down right pissed off once she saw you were wounded, ending the fight as soon as she could with the new fury lit inside her from such emotions.

- Once all who threatened your safety were dead, Mizu hurried to inspect your injuries while lecturing you on how you should've been more careful and ran away when she told you to...showing you how she worried in her own way.

- While stitching you up she'd tell you to sit still so it wouldn't hurt so much and probably be a bit harsh but only to hide her concern. You could tell though from how her eyes gazed upon you and her soft touches that she was truly trying to make it as bearable as possible.

- After it was sure that all your wounds were bandaged up, Mizu would be a little softer and even a bit more protective than usual for the next few days. She'd instinctively hold you close in crowded areas and always ask if you're alright.

- Her skepticism of people who come near you two would probably heighten (if that is even possible)

- Even though you could recall how many times she'd complain about how you'd tend to her and force her to rest unnecessarily, Mizu would do the same. She'd even try to feed you before reassure her enough that you're fine, anything to help you heal faster.

- Overall, a Mizu that cares enough about you to care for you is one that'll tire herself worrying despite how much she tries to hide it!

Woo-hoo! One request done, hope it was good because I'm still getting the hang of this. Sorry if it's a bit short because I feel like it could've been longer but I think it's all good :)

《♡》 Written by @f3r4lfr0gg3r

[rosexxi]

Angry Confession 🐻🤎

a stupid secret admirer causes Theodore to finally confess, as messy as it may be

fluff // t.n // x slytherin! reader

Theodore Nott was angry, scratch that, he was livid. If looks could kill, everyone within a 10m radius of him would be goners. He huffed in anger as he practically stormed down the corridor, finally able to leave the stuffy classroom.

It was just his luck that today of all days, his girl y/n had recieved a love letter from a stupid secret admirer. Well he says his girl, but they both knew they were anything but exclusive. Sure you both flirted (a lot) and might have stared into each others eyes for a bit too long, but that didn't change the fact that you were only friends. Yeah just friends.

He knew deep down he had no right to be angry. It was only yesterday when you had seen him making out with some girl in the year below, but that didn't change the fact that some guy thought it was ok to send you some pathetic confession. He could do a lot better.

"What's crawled up your arse?" asked Draco at dinner. Theo didn't respond, instead he just scowled at his friend. A scowl that Draco had seen one too many times.

"He's just upset someones finally made a move on y/n."

"I don't know why you're so shocked Nott. Y/n's popular, loads of guys like her." Chimed in Blaise.

"Blaise is right. Besides it's not like you want her, you look fine with all the girls you make out with. Just let y/n be happy and stop leading her on." Said Pansy, sticking up for you. She was tired of seeing her best friend cry over Theo constantly play with her emotions.

"How can she be happy with some letter written by god knows who." Theo said. "She knows who wrote it, look there they are." pointed out Pansy.

And when Theo thought his day couldn't get any worse, he just had to turn to the Grand Hall entrance to see y/n being towered by Cormac Mclaggen. Not that big idiot, he thought. The anger rushing to his head once more causing him to abruptly stand up. Anyone but him. Theo hated everything about Mclaggen; he was clumsy, took too much space, was the dumbest kid he had ever met and knew how to run his mouth.

He didn't even pay attention to his friends behind him pleading him to sit down and before he knew it, he was marching over to the two.

"What do you think you're doing?" he yelled accusingly at Mclaggen, grabbing him by the collar and pinning him to the wall. Theodore wasn't scared of anyone, especially not this lanky git.

"Nott what the fuck are you doing?" you asked, trying to desperately pull him off the poor gryffindor. But it was pointless. Before you knew it, the two were having some pathetic fight. Throwing punches and harmful words for what reason you don't know.

Scoffing at the pathetic sight before you, you walked off to your dorm. You hated Theo. You hated how he would flirt with you then kiss some other girl. You hated how angry he got anytime some guy would be nice to you. And most of all you hated how much you didn't actually hate him. It seemed as though he just loved to see you miserable and unable to move on from him.

Some time had passed since the incident at dinner. Your roomate and best friend Pansy had come and gone and you were now alone in your room reading the letter Cormac had previously gave to you. It was sweet, you thought. No guy had ever said nice stuff like that to you before. Thanks for ruining this one Theo, you shook your head.

Just then, there came a knock at the door. But when you opened it to reveal a wounded Theodore, you instantly tried to close it.

"No hear me out y/n." he said, his voice slightly rising as he pushed the door open and let himself in.

"No Theo. You hear me out, what is wrong with you?" you sounded angry. You never got angry at anyone, not even at him no matter how many times he had pushed your buttons. He stopped in his tracks upon hearing you. "Why must you always do this to me? You flirt with me, make me feel wanted and then turn around and make out with the whole school in front of me. Like its some game to play with me. The one time some guy makes me feel pretty and wanted, you have to get angry and hurt him, and ruin my chances." all of a sudden, all the hurt he made you feel surfaced, and you couldn't help the tears that were falling.

Theo could only look at you in shock. And for the first time in his life, he actually felt disgusted by his own actions. How could he not think you were pretty. How could he allow you to think you were unwanted. He took a step forward to you, with his arms open. You slapped his hands away, and hit his chest softly, "do you want me to be alone?" you whispered, as you sobbed into your hands.

In that moment Theo felt his heart break. He stood frozen, as he stared at your weak, vulnerable body. He wanted to hold you, but how could he when he was the reason that you felt this way. He always loved your eyes, and now he was responsible for the tears that fell from them.

"Y/n?" he whispered, "I'm, I'm so sorry." he manged to get out, "I'm such an awful person, how could I make you cry, how could I make you feel this way. You deserve to be happy and loved by whoever you want. I'm so sorry angel, I don't even know why I did it. I just was so jealous of all these boys talking so highly of you and they were all good boys from good families. I didn't think you could ever want to be with someone like me. How could someone as perfect as you, love someone like me. I thought I only deserved meaningless physical flings. I'll go talk to Mclaggen for you. You don't have to forgive me but I'm sorry."

Now it was your turn to be in shock, Theodore never spoke of his feelings or emotions. The best you ever got out of him was "I'm fine". So to hear his sudden confession caught you off guard. His confession that he believes he's incapable of love, his confession that he loves you.

He turned to leave your dorm, his head hanging low. "Theo." you called as you grabbed his hand, forcing him to turn back and look into your glassy eyes. "You love me?"

It took him time to nod in response, he was busy studying your face. He finally nodded and you couldn't help but throw yourself into his arms. But he stopped you, he held your face in his hands, "You can't be with me y/n, you're too good for me. You'll have to be seen around the castle with my grumpy face." he joked, trying to make you laugh as he wiped a tear from your eye.

"I don't care Theo. I don't care, I just want you to stop hurting me."

"I won't ever again, I'll never do anything to hurt you." he muttered as he shook his head at you. He hesitated a moment, before he pulled your face into his, and he finally did what he had wanted to do for as long as he could remember. He kissed you and Merlin was it worth it. You tasted like strawberry lipgloss and it was like he was kissing an angel. You were his angel.

You suddenly pulled back and held up a finger to him, "You can't mess about anymore, you have to be my boyfriend now."

"Is that a threat," he laughed, "If so, threaten me all you want. If only you become my girlfriend. I'll be the best boyfriend for you y/n, I promise. I promise I won't let a day go by where you don't feel loved or pretty. How could I mess about when I have an angel with me."

"Pinky promise?"

He shook his head at your childish actions, but obeyed your command, making sure to bring up your pinky to his lips, so he could place a soft kiss.

"Can we go clean you up now please, you really taste like blood."

"Of course we can, I'm sorry for ruining our first kiss." he said suddenly feeling very insecure.

"Don't be, it was exactly how I pictured our first kiss to be." you joked as you both made your way to the bathroom.

"Ah so you've imagined this moment?" he asked teasingly, the old sarcastic Theodore was back.

"Don't act like you haven't."

"Ah you got me there. Want to know something funny?" he asked as you began cleaning up his face with a wet cloth and a soft hand.

You nodded in response.

"When I saw you with that stupid love confession, I made it my mission to do a better confession to you."

"Well it was certainly a memorable one." You laughed. He was happy to see you laugh again, after he caused you to cry. Your laugh was the sweetest sound he had ever heard and he could never get tired of it. He stared lovingly at you, as he had done in the past so many times without you knowing. But now he could stare for as long as he wanted to, he wanted you to see. And to know that you were so very loved.

"I'll take that."

[bea-does-stuff]

hi ml, could u do dabi, bakugo and Todoroki if you were $ucid@l, it sounds a lot but I rlly need it rn. No shame if you don’t too, just:/

I’m not sure if your going through something or not, but we all deserve some comforting love every now and then, stay strong my lovelies!

Warning: suicide mentions and attempts, self harm mentions, angst, a lot of crying

Word count: 648

Characters: Dabi, Bakugou and todoroki

𝐃𝐀𝐁𝐈

He found about you being suicidal when he got back home really late, the moment he opened the door he could hear violent crying coming from the bathroom

It took a while of convincing, but you eventually admitted that you weren’t ok, and it utterly broke his heart. The only words that came into his mind were “Why didn’t you… tell me sooner..?”

Once he discovers your suicidal, he will never leave you alone, even if the lov gets mad at his lack of attendance, he doesn’t give a shit, your more important, your always more important

He will also do everything to make you happy, he will do the chores he always rebelled on doing, he will always make sure you drink enough water, and he’ll hold every hour of the day until those rain clouds disappear.

He also wanted to give you a gift, something to cheer you up, it was a big plushie of your favourite animal, but the special thing about it was that Dabi didn’t steal it like all the other gifts he gave you, he saved up enough money to get it himself, to walk into a public place and buy something to make you smile, even if it’s just for one day

His small gesture of kindness really caught you off guard and overwhelmed you, you hugged him as tight as you could while softly crying

“I-I’m sorry…i don’t know why i’m c-crying i-” No.” Dabi stopped you “Never apologise for crying, not to me or anyone.” 

𝐁𝐀𝐊𝐔𝐆𝐎𝐔

He found out in the worst way possible, you were on a balcony, staring at the ground, your eyes were empty, not sadness, joy, anger, they just looked tired and emotionless

He was lucky enough to grab you by the hand before you jumped, which really caught you off guard “What…the hell were you thinking?” He was angry, but not that usual anger he had, he was quiet, but deep down you knew he was scared.

After that, he would do anything to make you smile, cook for you, cuddle you, take you out if you were comfortable with it

It all made you feel guilty, because no matter how much bakugou tried, you weren’t happy and he knew it

One day you eventually broke down, you began to sob uncontrollably “I-I’m so sorry! Your d-doing so much for me to make me happy but i…I” bakugou looked livid “Listen to me right now.” He narrowed his eyes i love you and i want you to be happy, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be sad” his words only made you cry more, even if this time the cries weren’t because of sadness

He cupped your face, his eyes staring into your puffy ones

“It’s ok, to not be ok”

𝐓𝐎𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐎𝐊𝐈

He finds out when it’s late at night and your both in bed, he cuddling up to you when he noticed the tears beginning to form in the rims of your eyes, you looked at him, trying desperately not to sob or shriek, silently uttering the word “I…I don’t think i’m ok…”

He knows what it feels like to be in a dark place, he knows it oh so well, and even if emotions aren’t his strong suit he will try, he will try for you

There's so much he wants to say to you but the words can’t leave his tongue, so instead he tells you with actions

If you stay up all night crying, he’ll be there patting your back and crying with you

If you stay in your room and lock your door, he’ll make sure there's nothing in there that can hurt you

If your having a bit of a happier day, he’ll enjoy every moment of it, and even if the rain clouds come back, that's fine, because he’ll be here every step of the way

[swayziiwriter]

Petty | Jude Bellingham

summary: when your best friend Jude decides to avert his attention to a desperate blonde you decide to turn the tables on him with none other then Jadon Sancho.

WARNING: 18+, sexual content

Amongst the blaring music in the club you can still hear his voice. I'm Jude, you're not bad yourself, I could use another drink. The obnoxious blonde who had found her way to Jude now had her hands on him, tracing the collar of his black dress shirt. The worst part about it was that he was letting her.

He didn't even taken a second glance at you, pathetic you thought to yourself. Tonight was supposed to be a night of celebrations, Englands EURO qualifications games were spectacular. Though, you wanted nothing more than to go home. Jude was your best friend, your best friend who you we're undeniably in love with. So coming here tonight was supposed to be your chance of telling him how you felt, but instead you were watching from afar as Jude got felt up by some bimbo.

 You were infuriated beyond extent, your emotions mixed with the alcohol that was coursing through your body was dangerous. All your feelings were heightened, including your sexual drive. You wanted to forget about this constant pain in your heart every time Jude turned up to end up spending the night with some girl. Tired of all the countless nights fixated on how to finally express your emotions you decided that it was time to give him a taste of his own medicine. Jude wasn't clueless about your feelings, a few drunken kisses made sure he knew. But still he never brought it up, instead he avoided it like the plague and you were tired of it.

"Stare any harder and you'll burn a hole in the back of his head" a voice quipped. "That's sort of the point" you seethed, not feeling in much of a positive mood anymore. You recognized the voice immediately, it belonged to Jadon Sancho teammate and friend of Jude. You were across from the bar the huge dance floor in front view. Hundreds of sweaty, drunk and horny people rubbing up against each other hoping to get laid. "Why'd you let him ruin your mood?" He questioned with a smirk. "You can be an asshole sometimes you know that" you replied taking down another shot, the burning sensation in your throat causing you to forget about Jude for just a second.

"Dance with me y/n" Jadon proposed, "oh Jadon I don't thi-" he cut you off with a small chuckle."This isn't for me y/n, this is too show Jude just what he's missing" he continued. Your brain was telling you to say no, yelling at you to take the high road and just ignore Jude for the night. But you couldn't.

Smiling at his genius antics hand in hand you two made your way down to the dance floor. "The hills" starting to echo through the large building as your warm bodies were flushed up against each other, your back to his front. Jude was watching, he had been watching from the second Jadon left his teammate's side to be with you.

Watching as you lightly grinded your body into Jadon's, Jude was livid. Watching as his hands rose up your body had him squirming, a deep feeling in his gut enough for him to want to throw up all the alcohol he had consumed earlier in the night. Dancing with Jadon was funner than expected, he would occasionally whisper subtle "he's looking, ah there he goes squirming again" leaving you to let out genuine laughs, laughs that Jude could hear all to well over the blaring music.

The blonde who had been around Jude for longer than his own liking was soon kicked to the curb as he soon realized you had been doing the same mechanism as him. Making the other one Jealous. Jude let Jadon bring his hands from behind as far as your stomach before he marched towards the dance floor, drink in one hand and nothing in the other. He had left this go on for to long, he couldn't stand the feeling of another man touching you, feeling your soft skin, your perfect lips.

"Oh shit, he's coming over here" Jadon yelled over the music, leaning into your body. "Y/n" Jude yelled over the music, "what Jude" you spat back, still pissed that he had let that blonde touch him. Jadon returned glances between both of you before making the decision to get out of there, sending you an apologetic look as he left you to fend alone against Jude. Jude continued to look at you with wide eyes, expecting an answer. "Can't you take a hint Bellingham I was in the middle of danc-" "dancing?" He interrupted. "You were all over him y/n, fucking hell are you trying to kill me?" He yelled. "Me!?" You replied, "you're the one who's had a bimbo on your ass all night. Sue me for wanting to have some actual fun" you spat.

The air was becoming thick, the tension and smell of sex in the air was becoming suffocating. Your mind felt as if it was running a thousand miles an hour. "If you're not man enough to tell me that you want me, then there's no reason why I shouldn't go fuck around with someone like Jadon" you continued to hurl insults at him before he finally snapped. Crashing his lips against yours in a heated passion.

Your hands were roaming over his chest as his lips worked in sync with yours. Jude gives you a firm but still tender kiss the tension between you and him was killing you both. He's hard about it and tells you he's wanted you for so long, but his touch is still gentle. He is letting you know that he has also always liked you.

The music at the club doesn't bother you. You basically let his tongue investigate your own, and let your bodies press together among all the intensity, strain, and horniness.

Finally, when you both leave the room to get some fresh air, the following events that come after are neglected. In the midst of the sexual tension, horniness, and outright neediness, it is forgotten. The backseat of the taxi you are both in is a blur of hasty movements, hasty kisses, and long groaning awaiting to arrive. When you get to Jude's condo his movements are fast, your back hits his bed the midst of a heavy make out. Clothes, his tie, shoes, and your heels were all left on the floor in the trail of your exasperated needs.

He was hovering over you, taking in every inch of your body as it curved into his, his hard cock hitting your thighs as your body shuddered with pleasure. Jude brought his hand down to your core, teasing your folds as he spoke dirty words into your ear. He slipped two fingers into your dripping pussy, collecting your wetness in between his fingers. 

Your hands gripped at the sheets as he worked on your pussy, fingering you fast to your release. His voice was thick with lust as he felt you clench around him and wrap your legs around his waist as he continued to press his fingers inside of you. "you look so pretty for me baby."

Your back arched from the bed as you watched his beautiful face, and it took all of your inner strength not to cum. "Gonna cum all over my fingers?" He questioned, "be a good girl and cum all over my fingers" you body shook with pleasure white noise talking over as the euphoric feeling took over your body.

You were moaning his name in an attempt to stop the overstimulation on your core. "Wanna feel you" you managed to gasp out between breathes. He pushed your body up the bed, spreading your legs just enough to settle himself in between them, "about to be so ruined for me" he tapped his cock against your wet folds, the action alone making you cry out in frustration. "I'm not going to stop until your dripping with my cum" he said pushing into your tight pussy. Because you didn't anticipate that movement, you let out a small cry of surprise mixed with a moan of pleasure.

To fully appreciate how his cock got inside of you and how your walls tightened around it, you had to close your eyes for a while. He moved inside of you briefly, using only one hand; He placed your leg and the other on his shoulder by lifting your leg; He gave your clit a rub. You had the impression that his thrusts were reaching deeper within you because of the angle your leg was at.

Jude stopped stroking your clit to wrap one of his hands around your neck. You were certain that your moans had already turned into tiny screams while he was deep within you. You arched your back with pleasure. Before you took that forearm and squeezed it, Jude gently stroked the skin on your neck. He probably accepted that as a sign since he applied a touch of tension.

You tried to complain, but all you got was a sound that sounded like you were gasping as his pace picked up. You tried to yell, or at least try to, because your lips were being caressed by his thumb as he continued to press on them. When you were already almost there, your pussy voluntarily tightened around his cock. You were in an orgasmic state when Jude let out a deep growl.

Your pussy continued to pulse around his cock as he followed you a few seconds later. Before rolling next to you, he took your hand out of the ring around his neck. Your lungs were asking for air, your mind was a finished wreck, and your vision obscured until you could slow down and rest. You could feel beads of Judes cum rolling down your sweaty thighs.

You and Jude had given into your needs and it never felt better. You wanted to feel him every where, all the time. He wanted it too, the way his eyes never left yours was evidence of it, the way his body connected with yours was beautiful. You and Jude were in sync, complete with each other.

[smallestapplin]

Ok tho! For my request, could I request Raihan and Leon protecting and comforting their trans masc s/o from homophobic/transphobic family? Kinda like you did with the obsessive ex ones?

Tired of people thinking that constant emotional and physical abuse is some kind of love language lol. Sorry if this is like, heavy (feel free to ignore it btw I'm gunna be fine in the end, just annoyed to hell at how much contact people can still manage to have with you despite trying to be completely no contact)

-🦄

I understand! I hope you’re doing well. (I meant to get this out yesterday.)

Reader uses he/him pronouns and masc descriptors.

CW : for homophobia, transphobia. (But not explicit explicit, as that makes me uncomfy)

-

-

🐉Raihan🐉

- he was already aware of your family, and their dislike (to put it lightly) of you essentially. It was one of those things you two had a heart to heart on, late at night.

- It broke his heart to see you cry, just how upset you were that you had to go no contact with your old family. But you had to, for the sake of your own mental health and safety.

- Raihan vowed right then and there that he won’t let another soul hurt you.

- Everyone in Galar knows who you are, Raihan is never quiet about you and his love for you.

- Most of Raihan’s posts are ‘out with my man!’ And it’s a picture of you two, getting lunch after a battle, ‘I got the handsomest dork around.’ It’s a picture of your excited face over some merch, ‘he fell for my trap! >:3’ and the most common being Raihan trapping you, in his arms so you can’t move, or leave.

- It’s always so cute, the fans love seeing all the stupidly domesticate photos.

- Your family however, also saw them.

- Any of their comments were shortly deleted and they were blocked. Every profile they made was just blocked and reported.

- Raihan refused to let you see that, especially from them.

- He wants to keep you happy and safe, safer and happier.

- He made a post earlier that day, saying ‘get you a man who comes to your work place with your favorite for lunch😩’

- You couldn’t stick around, however, work needed you, so you gave him a hug and a kiss before leaving. Making a pit stop to the bathroom first, but still telling him you’d have to instantly leave once you’re done.

- His own students laugh at his pouting face.

- He hasn’t been expecting your parents of all people, to show up.

- The tension in the gym was thick, the air suffocating the second he saw them.

- His students tried to keep Raihan from lunging at them, when they asked for someone who doesn’t exist.

- His grin was filled with malice “oh that’s too bad! Sorry to hear your delusional, ain’t nobody I know named that.”

- Oh but they argued.

- They didn’t get far though before Raihan called a life long ban for them, and anyone associated with them.

- Tossing out his flygon, he had the large dragon drag them out of his gym. Raihan follows close behind, just so he could slam the door in their faces.

- “Raihan?”

- He snaps his head towards you, he nearly forgot you were simply in the bathroom.

- “Hey handsome!” He didn’t want to admit he was nervous.

- He knows you likely heard, if not, saw all of that.

- You just walk over and hug him, he can feel the tension in your body.

- How you shake, sighing against his chest.

- His arms are around you in a firm grip.

- The dragon type gym leader is livid, you shouldn’t have to deal with this!

- “Call out of work, we are goin home.”

- “Huh? Rai I-“

- “Ah ah ah! You need a spa day! A self care day! And I’m going to make sure you get.”

-

👑Leon👑

- he’s just as upset as you are, that you had to cut contact with your family.

- Leon has always been a big family man, they mean the world to him! He couldn’t imagine not having their support, and love.

- Which is why he was ecstatic when his family welcomed you with open arms.

- He was more worried about Hop liking you. But you and Hop get along like best friends, so he was thrilled.

- Leon always gushes about you, everyone who has met Leon knows about you. He just can’t help himself! He loves you so much.

- He’s aware of your situation with your ex family, and he promises he will do everything he can.

- It’s no secret you’re dating the champion of Galar.

- Any remarks about you, his and your sexuality, or your gender are completely shut down. He refuses to tolerate any of it.

- Your birth givers were no exception.

- In fact not only was he at your defense, ready to battle, but so was Hop, grandma, grandpa, and mom.

- “That’s my boyfriend you’re talking about!”

- You’re in shock and awe at how Leon, your sweet dorky Leon, lays into them, scolding them harshly.

- Humiliating them and berating them for every hurting you and trying to hurt you now.

- He will not just stand there and let them do such things!

- The second they are gone he’s at your side, gently shushing you, and holding you, rocking you both softly.

- “Are you alright, love?”

- “I’m fine…thank you.” You just lay your head on his shoulder, trying to calm your own nerves.

- He will stay here for as long as it takes.

- He loves you.

[kissesforsatoru]

Hi! I heard that you’re taking in requests! May I ask for a reader who was kidnapped by scaramouche? She was socially isolated to the point stolkholm syndrome kicks in for reader? 🚶🏼‍♀️

𓏲 ˖. pairings. . . scaramouche x reader

𓏲 ˖. summary. . . scara with a socially isolated darling that develops stolckholm syndrome

𓏲 ˖. warnings. . . general yandere themes, stockholm syndrome, social isolation, breif descriptions of injury, emotional manipulattion/abuse, slut shaming.

you had been so stupid. so naive to think that scaramouche wouldn't find out about your little fling with one of the fatui lackeys that worked for him. it was risky to even allow feelings to fester for another person, but someone who worked for scaramouche? that was just dangerous. you should've known better.

but, honestly, it couldn't have been helped. he was the one sent to your room after punishments that left you needing medical attention. he was so soft and caring when wrapping bandages around you or applying ointment to heal electrical burns. he talked to you gently and made sure you were okay. he was there for you in a time of need, and you were able to find comfort and safety in him. it was inevitable that feelings would form between the two of you.

it was an accident that scaramouche found out. you don't really know exactly what happened, but you do know that he found out by overhearing his lackeys teasing you're secret lover about his crush on you.

scaramouche was livid. he came into your room, grabbing you roughly and dragging you out. you were scared as you fumbled to keep up with his fast paced steps, but you didn't struggle against him or say anything. you didn't know where you were going until he tossed you onto the hard, cold ground of a cell.

"if you want to be a slut so baddly, then i'll just have to fucking keep you locked up where you'll never see anyone but me ever again." he told you before slamming the door and leaving you there all alone.

you thought he would let you out eventually, but it's been two months since then. it was okay at first, you actually even enjoyed the silence and alone time. but after a while it scared you. you didn't like being alone anymore, and it didn't help that the cell he kept you in was dark and cold, which only made you feel more scared and alone.

right now you were laying in bed, clutching tightly onto the sheets that you held over your head. it had been at least an hour since you've been trying to fall asleep, but no matter how hard you tried, you just couldn't. you felt like you were going to throw up because of how tired you felt. you were so miserable.

you breath hitched when you suddenly heard the door to your cell creak open, an uncomfortable feeling settling in your stomach when the eerie noise filled your ears. you didn't move, or say anything, just simply layed there, waiting for what would happen.

sometimes he'd come down here to drop off food and the he'd leave, other times he would linger to berate you in some way. you didn't like how cold he was towards you during your time down here, it made you feel so small and helpless, and it just reminded you how badly of a situation you got yourself into — how badly you fucked up.

"y/n." he called, voice cold and emotionless. you didn't answer, merely pulling the sheet tighter around your form. he took that as an opportunity to continue, though.

"you want out, don't you?" you shifted, lifting the sheet only enough to see him standing a little ways from the bed, but you remained quiet. you watched as he walked to where a chair was in the cell and he sat down, leaning back and crossing his arms against his chest. he then looked at you, making you pull the sheet back down to cover yourself.

"just admit that i'm all you need, all that you want, and you can come out." he said, amused.

you held your breath as you contemplate his words, unsure of what to do. you're afraid of admitting he's right — because he is, you do need him, you depend on him, really, but you don't know how to feel about that yet and it scares you to think about it. but then again, you hate it down here, you hate it so much it makes you want to cry just thinking about staying here any longer.

scaramouche takes your long silence as refusal, because before you can muster up something to say, he begins to leave. clicking his tongue, he mutters a 'fine' as he stands from the chair and starts walks towards your cell door.

"wait." you whispered meekly, just barely loud enough for him to hear. "pl—lease... don't leave me here al—lone again."

you couldn't look at him, too ashamed that you finally succumbed to him. but you were so scared, you didn't like being alone and he was here, with you, willing to comfort you and finally let you out of this suffocating cell. you didn't really have a choice but to accept that he really is all that you have or you'd be left down here alone again.

when you think about it, he's really not all that bad. it's just when you upset him that things get scary for you. otherwise he cares about you, makes sure you're okay and well, and he can also be sweet. he'll gently kiss you, call you sweet little nicknames and simply hold you tightly in his arms. he's attractive too, you cannot deny that.

you don't have to keep resisting him, you think. it's pointless and only ends in painful punishments that make you end up regretting you ever defied him. it's okay to give in to him and accept that you're his, you tell yourself reassuringly.

"oh?" he sounded mockingly, turning around to look at your pathetic form that was shivering under the thin sheet. "finally come to our senses, have we?" you flick your eye up to look at him momentarily, and he's smirking down at you like he'd finally won — which technically, he has.

you quickly look away, nodding your head ever so slightly. "please." you hesitate for a moment, tears welling in your eyes as you swallow thickly. "I–I need yo–you."

you don't hear him say anything after that, only the creaking of your cell door closing. you don't look up to see if he left, you just assume that he did.

a whimper escapes your quivering lips and you grip tightly onto the sheets of the matress where you lay. too busy wrapped in the fear of being alone, you don't notice light footsteps walking towards you.

you flinch when a calloused hand touches your cheek, the gentle stroke of a thumb lulling you back into comfort. you look up and see scaramouche sitting crouched in front of you, a soft, barely there smile displayed on his lips.

"shh, sweetheart. there's no need to cry, i'm right here."

[therealnuclearplatypus]

i just want everyone to know that this one is @shittygaypornmagazinedotcom 's fault, i just don't know how to say no to my spouse

He stared at the glinting bronze scales of the dragon. Objectively, he knew he wasn't going crazy. But he felt like he was.

A slight figure stood next to the dragon, patting its leg and yelling something up at it. Hazel had her hands over her mouth. She looked close to crying. Reyna looked livid, muttering curses under her breath. The crowd of Roman legionnaires had more or less dispersed, and Lavinia, as curious as ever, stayed behind. She turned to look at Frank, who was still staring at the small person near the dragon, and asked, "So that's the Leo guy who didn't really die?"

He nodded, numb. He was still very much confused. He'd seen his legion smack the living daylights out of Valdez, and his fingers were itching to do the same.

Finally, Leo turned and ran towards them, a grin on his face. A lump of emotions tossed and turned in Frank's chest, somersaulting and spinning. He couldn't name the feelings, but he knew they were there. He didn't know what to do with them.

As soon as Leo neared, Hazel threw herself at him, sobbing. She beat his chest weakly and cursed him. He smiled slightly and hugged her, whispering in her ear. She relented her grip on him, and Leo edged towards Reyna. Frank's fellow praetor didn't hesitate: she aimed a kick right at his crotch. While he yowled in pain, she grabbed him by the ear and started berating him in rapid Spanish.

"You have some nerve to just show up!" she shouted. "We've all been worried sick!"

"Okay, okay, okay!" he squeaked, squirming. She finally let go of him, and he stepped as far away from her as he could. "What is up with you people? I had just as rude a greeting as this back at Camp Half-Blood. I came to say hi, but I've also been sent to tell you something!"

Frank saw the urgent gleam in Leo's eyes as he said this. Whatever it was, it couldn't be good. Perhaps something to do with all the panic and frenzy surrounding the sun god of late? The lump in his chest grew.

Leo made eye contact with him and grinned. Frank felt funny.

"If I come next to you, Zhang, will you beat me up?" Leo posed the question jokingly, but saw the fear in his eyes. Was it because he thought Frank would seriously hurt him? Or maybe ...

Frank remembered Leo mentioning foster homes, many of them, jumping from one to the other in hopes of a home. Many were abusive. Leo hadn't really said this, but it had been implied. Frank could only imagine that this brought back memories of past beatings. As much as he wanted to slap him for the worry of the past months, was he really gonna stoop so low as to hit a boy who's only ever known abuse?

"Nah," Frank replied. "At least, not yet."

The look in the other boy's eyes eased and he skipped over next to Frank. He looked at him seriously and said, "I really do have a lot to tell you. It's been a crazy few months."

Fear gripped Frank suddenly. "Are — are you gonna go away again? We just got you back. We can't lose you again." I can't lose you again, he almost said.

Leo eyed him strangely. "Well, I'm not gonna stay here forever. I'll stay a while, though. I'm tired." He shot a look at Reyna. "Is that okay?"

All of Reyna's anger had evaporated, and she started to look incredibly guilty. "Of course you can," she reassured him hastily. She looked him up and down. "I didn't hurt you too badly, did I?"

Leo recognised the tone in her voice and grinned. "Oh, you've wounded me fatally! How shall I ever recover?" he claimed dramatically. Hazel laughed a little. Lavinia was still noting all the goings-on with a keen eye.

Reyna sighed at his dramatics. "I'm sorry, okay? We — we missed you, and we were really worried. You broke our hearts with that explosion, Valdez. We thought you really were a goner."

Leo rolled his eyes affectionately. "Apology accepted, especially since that's probably the only apology I'll ever get out of you in this lifetime. Who's this one?" he asked, looking at Lavinia.

"That's Lavinia," Hazel said.

"Want some gum?" Lavinia offered. Reyna looked ready to smack her own head repeatedly against a wall.

"Oh, sure," Leo said, taking some. He chewed it, smirking. "I like you."

"I like me, too," Lavinia replied. Leo laughed.

Frank didn't know what was happening to him. This intense ball of emotions was still rolling around inside him. He felt sick, he felt elated, he felt furious, he felt relieved. And he still wanted to punch Valdez.

"You said you have news to share?" Reyna said briskly. "Let's go to the Via Praetoria. We'll discuss everything there."

"Yes ma'am!" Leo said solemnly with a mock-salute. They started walking.

Leo fell back to walk beside Frank, who was still mulling things over. He shot him a grin. "You do want to smack me, don'tcha?"

"I both do and don't," Frank answered honestly. "I don't want to be just some other guy who hit you when you've just come back, but then again, I've lost my head worrying about you, so I feel like you deserve at least an itty-bitty slap."

Leo acknowledged this with a nod. "Then do it."

Frank shook his head. "No, no. I won't."

Leo held out his arm, waiting.

Finally, Frank couldn't help it. He pinched his forearm, just a little bit. Leo winced slightly and then burst out laughing. "Trust you to be the nicest one about it."

Frank didn't know what to say to that. He just smiled, reveling in the knowledge that Leo was back, Leo was alive and here, and walked on. The muddle of feelings only grew, but with Leo by his side, the confusion didn't feel so bad.

[blazenfire223]

[ID in undercut]

Happy 2024 everyone! I'm just gonna talk about the past of 2023 and how I'm feeling about this new year so apologies if this gets long.

Okay so first off, personally, my 2023 wasn't that bad. It was actually rather enjoyable. I started out 2023 doing art while talking with my friend Kate while drinking apple cider and I think also playing Hamtaro. It was fun. Also during that time, I had been in a school program called RISE which was basically hands-on learning and I got to create some very memorable projects that I am so fucking proud of and submitted a whole 3-page original comic for my school's zine and then later got to see the comic IN the zine. I messed around with traditional art so much more and had so much fun with it. Like, I swear that school year I was a monster of creativity and I was just having nothing but fun during those days. I was a neurodivergent POWERHOUSE. I also got to see a high school adaptation of the Percy Jackson Musical that my partner got to play a minor role in and that was very fun. I got to make a friend and hang out with said friend over the summer, I went out on an official date with my partner (outside of school dances) to see Spiderman: Across the Spiderverse, and also saw my partner during a homecoming dance where we left and went to Walmart instead. I got to watch Good Omens season 2, WWDITS season 5/6 (I forget what the newest season was), OFMD season 2, and go to see the FNAF movie!! And although all of them broke my heart (except FNAF) in different ways I was still so happy I got to see them! My cat also went to the vet to get neutered which helped with his spraying problem.

It wasn't all good though. I always had the usual problems but there was also me having to go to the doctor's a few times this year which sucked, but I also got a family doctor for the first time in YEARS and now I get to get treated for whatever it is my body is doing. There was also a big personal mess regarding my partner's family shortly after I got to see him a few times and some family issues of my own.

But overall? It's been a pretty good fucking year but, if I'm honest, I'm not very hopeful for the new year. These past few weeks have made me feel so much in so little time. Mainly, anger, sadness, and guilt. All not very "good" emotions but they've all been there. I'm also kinda tired. I've felt all these things not because of anything personal. As I've pointed out my 2023 has been fucking amazing for the most part. My anger is righteous. Livid fucking righteous anger. Anger over the fact that there are so many injustices and genocides happening in this world and the fact that the United States has a hand in pretty much all of them in some way or another. I have seen so many dead humans and my brain can barely comprehend them. I feel so much for these people literally dying at the hands of awful people with weapons and money funded by this disgusting country I live in and I can't help feeling guilt because I'm in my house, comfortable and relatively safe watching Good Omens Season 2 on repeat and I just wish I could do more or give them comfort in a meaningful way. But I know I can only do so much. I still am just a kid and only one person.

And what pisses me off more is that these politicians that are supposed to represent the people don't. listen. There have been thousands of citizens shouting for the liberation of these countries and for the end of these genocides and yet politicians do the exact opposite of what the majority of people are in obvious support for. All for what? Money? A sense of superiority? It has made me feel so much that I end up shaking from anger at the thought. But I shouldn't be surprised. This is the same country that was founded on the genocide of natives and black people. Founded on slavery, racism, and white supremacy. The same country that wishes to control the rights of AFAB bodies and wants to ban any and all books that they don't agree with and that, deep down, wants to eradicate trans people and other LGBTQ+ people from social life and existence. I shouldn't be surprised that they are helping with genocide and continue to help in the killing of human beings again and again. I shouldn't be surprised. Land of the Free, my ass.

This, with the fact that the whole world is basically on fire and literally was at MULTIPLE times this year, I can't say I'm feeling very good about this new year. But I know what I WANT this new year to be. I want it to be a year that is filled with good memories, good art, and good experiences, but also a year where I can say that there is a Free Palestine, Congo, Sudan, and any other country experiencing oppression and harm and there are choices made to help to stabilize these countries and people. Where they have autonomy over their own land. I want a year where the oppressed get just one step closer to the equality they deserve. A year where this country isn't trying to make leaps back in time where no one but cis-het neurotypical abled-bodied white men could exist happily. I want a year where the individualistic Western mindset is burned to ash and we all actually treat each other as human fucking beings that deserve respect and not just as stepping stones for "success" (THE BARE FUCKING MINIMUM BTW.) I just wish for a year where I can say that, in every aspect, it was a good year. But we'll just have to see what the future holds now, don't we?

[ID: A digital illustration of Storm (irl) and Storm (OC) sitting together on the ground. Storm has their knees up to their chest and is holding a bottle of sparkling cider while OC Storm holds them close, cradling their head with both hands. Above them both are floating heads of all of irl Storm's hyperfixations of the year. Going from right to left there is Aziraphale and Crowley (Good Omens), Dante (Ineffable Family AU by chibiq122), Azra and David (Bun and Dove AU by chibiq122), Raphael and Zi (Star Weaver AU |Gone Wrong| by chibiq122 and Storm), Ana and Raph (Star Weaver AU by chibiq122), Nandor and Guillermo (What We Do in the Shadows), Anna and Crawley (Happy Demon AU by chibiq122 and Storm), Raziel and Westley (Lawyer Bois AU by chibiq122), Ario and Unas and Zaraphim (Reverse AU by Storm), Sariel and Damien + their kids Eden, Calysta, and Dakota (Blind Bear AU by Storm), and finally Izzy, Stede and Ed (Our Flag Means Death). Above all the little heads are the words 'Happy New Year 2024' and they are glowing. /End ID]

[theravennest]

I know Sam is about to be on some "you made your 500k goal so now I'm not gonna fire you" bs. But I'd still be livid. She must got me fucked up cuz she not about to float firing me out there with no consequence. The mind games and the wishy-washy shit is so tiring.

Like, I have sympathy for Lady Sam's situation with her oppressive family but whyyyyyy is my good sis crying every damn episode because of it? It's not okay that Mon keeps bearing the brunt of the emotional labor.

[summersnow82]

Somethin' Bad - Part 16

Summary: In which Constance Hackett is a wretched hag, Travis doesn't know how to handle his own trauma, and Frank makes another appearance. (Because I love him.)

Author note: Thanks for sticking with me, folks. This will probably be my last update until the new year. My beautiful boy brought some nasty bug home from school, and I'm completely exhausted. Your kudos, comments, reblogs, etc. are all so deeply appreciated; you have no idea how much I appreciate it.

I feel like I've read the line "A prisoner can't be a girlfriend" in another fanfic, so I'm going to go a-huntin' and see if I can track it down. I can't get it out of my head, and I need to give proper credit.

UPDATE: A big thank you to @prurientpuddlejumper for your help. It was your fic, “Through the Bars” where I read that line! (Chapter 5, cause I reread it all last night.) 😊

Trigger Warning: Constance is her own trigger warning, but she's especially wretched here. Foreshadowing to additional Travis trauma. Don't worry, my lovelies. I promise our boy will have a happy ending.

---------------

Annabelle was livid as she stood behind Travis; she was seething she was so incensed. She had been raised in a loving home with parents who did their best, and while they weren’t perfect, home was a safe haven. She had been grounded more times than she cared to count, but her folks apologized when they were wrong, and worked hard to have an open line of communication with her and her sister. Now, watching this bizarre Hackett family interaction, particularly with Constance, Annabelle began to understand some of the reasons her stoic sheriff behaved the way he did.

Like hiding the romance novels. Bet mama wasn’t a fan of that, she thought.

A pang of guilt overwhelmed her at the thought; she should’ve gone to the station with him. Maybe then they wouldn’t be in this mess. Then again, Annabelle hadn’t planned to open the front door. She assumed the commotion outside was bound to catch someone’s attention, Travis would get a call, and rush home. But for someone her age, Constance Hackett didn’t tire easily; in fact, she seemed to grow more enraged as more time passed until Annabelle finally believed she would make good on her threat and burn the house down.

She couldn’t let that happen to Travis.

Now, he stood in front of her taking an attack intended for her, an attack Annabelle knew she could’ve easily deflected, even with her damaged arm. Travis probably could’ve deflected it, too, but he didn’t; he took the slap, and now Constance was raising her hand again.

“No! Travis, no!” Annabelle heard the desperation in her voice and hated it, but she wasn’t going to stand there and watch him get beat. Intuition told her he would take the beating without a sound, and if Constance had taught Annabelle anything in their brief time together it was once she got started it would only get worse.

“Ma!” Bobby cried out from the side, obviously confused and upset by what was happening. His father hushed him, but the large man still looked concerned; like he knew something was wrong, but he couldn’t put a finger on it.

The horror of their situation made it hard to breathe; she could handle monsters any day of the week, but she struggled with abuse. She knew – she knew – Travis had grown up like this; taking verbal and physical abuse, and probably a good deal of emotional neglect, at that. She would not – could not – stand by and watch this happen. Her body moved of it’s own accord, and she was ducking under Travis’ arm before she could think. Constance was swinging her arm up to clock Travis in the face, her hand contorted like a claw, when Annabelle grabbed it with her good arm, twisting to pivot Constance’s body in the opposite direction.

The move required correct technique, but little strength, and Constance was quickly tumbling to the ground with the force of her own velocity. She heard Jedediah cry out and rush to his wife’s side, both looking up at Annabelle with a mixture of shock and fury. “How dare - ,” Constance began, but Annabelle cut her off.

“You will not touch him again, do you hear me? I know your kind, and you will not touch him EVER again.” She was trembling with rage as she looked down at Travis’ parents, but her voice was miraculously low and steady. “Travis Hackett is a good man, and a good son, and a good sheriff, and you will not touch him ever again. Do you hear me?” She repeated herself, partially because she was too angry to think of anything else to say, but also because she wanted them to know she meant it. She’d imagined this scene with Sean and his father hundreds of times, inventing ways she’d save her best friend from his deep-rooted trauma, but Sean’s father wasn’t here: Constance and Jedediah Hackett were.

In her peripheral she noticed Bobby wasn’t moving; he seemed stunned by what was unraveling. Jedediah was helping Constance up, both looking at Annabelle with intense hatred, and perhaps something bordering on respect. Annabelle assumed very few people stood up to the Hackett family, but their respect wasn’t something she was interested in.

She’d take their fear, though.

Constance stood, clenching her fists, eyes bulging. “I’ll kill you for that, girlie.”

“Try.” Annabelle breathed the word, but she knew they heard her, and they knew she was not afraid. She felt like a mongoose facing down two cobras; they had no idea what she could do, but she would be happy to show them. Constance raised her hand again, and Annabelle couldn’t help it: she smiled.

“Constance Hackett, what the sam hill do you think you are doing?” A new voice rang out across Travis’ front yard breaking the tension. All eyes turned to see Frank Wellington standing on the sidewalk. He was accompanied by a lovely, well-dressed woman around his age, one of her arms looped through his while the other carried a pie plate.

“Hey, Father Wellington! Hey, Mrs. Wellington!” Bobby smiled, waving at the couple.

Annabelle blinked. Father Wellington?

“Hey there, Bobby,” the woman said, flashing him a sincere smile before looking back up at Frank. “Honey?”

Frank had appeared so sweet and passive in the whole five minutes Annabelle had spent with him, but the look on his face now was stern and full of reproach. Travis’ hands were on Annabelle’s shoulders in a flash, wheeling her back towards the house. “Travis,” she protested, but he shushed her, and continued to shove her firmly.

“Get in the damn house,” he muttered, clearly taking advantage of the distraction. “Before someone dies.” He gave her a firm thrust that almost got her over the threshold, and she whirled, glaring at him defiantly.

“I will not - ,” she began.

“You get back here, you little witch!” Jedediah’s voice made both of them freeze, and they turned to see him pointing a finger at Annabelle. “We ain’t done here yet.”

“Jedediah, get your house in order, and leave the poor girl alone,” Frank called, moving swiftly in his direction. “And learn to park,” he added, motioning towards Jedediah’s truck. “This how you show your son respect?”

“You ain’t a priest no more,” Constance hollered at him, her venom just as potent. “We don’t have to listen to you.”

“Constance, let’s not kid ourselves: you never listen to anyone but yourself.” Frank seemed unimpressed. “And if we’re being honest, the whole town knows Travis is a saint for putting up with your nonsense.” Annabelle felt Travis’ grip on her tighten, and Frank glanced their way. “You two kids all right?”

“Yes, sir,” Travis said with a brief nod.

“Yes, Mr. Wellington.”

Frank gave a small nod their way before turning back to the senior Hacketts. “Why can’t you let the boy be happy, Constance? You have to take everything from him?” His words seemed weighted, and Constance’s body language indicated more was being said than Annabelle understood.

“You can’t prove nothing,” she retorted.

“No witnesses,” Jedediah added, and Annabelle frowned. What the actual what now?

Frank gave them a hard stare. “Except God.” The senior Hacketts seemed to waver just slightly in their resolve, but Frank was already moving on. “Unlike this little display,” he said, gesturing with a hand. “Lots of witnesses. Lots of folks saying you started it, and she,” he pointed in Annabelle’s direction, “was just defending herself.” Constance’s eyes flickered to her husband. “Think maybe it’s time you got going.” Constance’s eyes narrowed, and she thrust forward, saying something so low Annabelle couldn’t make it out, but Frank seemed unfazed.

To the side of them, Frank’s female companion was holding the pie plate out to Bobby. “Now, you enjoy this, sweetheart. I can make another just like that!” She snapped her fingers, and Bobby grinned, taking the plate with glee. “And don’t you be a stranger, now. You pop on by whenever you like, m’kay?”

“Yes ma’am,” the younger man replied, grinning with delight.

“Give it back, Bobby,” Constance cried as she turned, stalking back to the truck. “You ain’t eating one of Darlene Wellington’s pies in my house.”

“Aww, Ma.” He paused, before an idea obviously struck him. “Can I eat it outside the house?” Darlene chuckled, and gave Bobby a quick pat on the shoulder.

“You take care, darlin. Bye, Connie!” Darlene called sweetly, waving at Constance and Jedediah as they got into the pickup, both fuming. Bobby clambered in the backseat, holding the pie plate like newly unearthed treasure. The car doors slammed, and the truck revved out of Travis’ front yard leaving skid marks as a parting gift. “I won’t be seeing that pie plate again,” Darlene sighed, looking relieved despite her revelation. “Travis, honey, I’ll make you another pie tonight.”

“That’s all right, Mrs. Wellington,” he said, both his voice and face devoid of emotion.

“Nonsense,” Darlene continued on. “You’re an angel for taking care of those bats for us.” She frowned, stepping closer to him, and raising her hand to his cheek, her hand hovering over a forming bruise. “Let’s get some frozen peas on that, sweetheart.” She took his hand, leading him into his house with so much confidence Annabelle could only blink and follow along.

“My wife is a very take-charge kind of woman,” Frank said, coming up behind Annabelle, chuckling softly. “But it’s only because she means well.” He craned his head, surveying her closely. “Are you all right, Alice?”

Annabelle opened her mouth, and then closed it, remembering her alias. She honestly hadn’t expected to use it much, but here they were. “I suppose so,” she answered honestly, still in shock. “That was… bizarre.”

“That’s one word for it,” Frank admitted, shutting the door behind them. “But you looked like you were handling yourself well.”

Annabelle cast her eyes back to Travis who was currently being fussed over by Darlene. “Are they always so… awful?”

Frank sighed. “The Hacketts are one of the oldest families here in North Kill. I’m afraid with that comes a feeling of entitlement to do or say as they please. Constance minded her manners better when Hank was still sheriff, at least.”

She turned to Frank, her brow furrowed. “What did you mean about taking everything from Travis?” She kept her voice low, and Frank frowned as if he were debating on what to say next.

“Alice, sweetheart, will you come hold this pack of peas to Travis’ face while I hunt for some castor oil? We’ll keep that handsome face from bruising in no time,” Darlene said.

Annabelle moved to Travis who currently had his eyes closed like he was counting to ten over and over. She raised her hand to his face, and he gruffly but quietly said, “I can hold the damn peas to my own face.” He opened his dark eyes, glaring down at her. “What the hell were you thinking?”

“Me?” Annabelle asked in shock. “Are you serious?”

“I could’ve handled it,” he replied, placing the peas down on the kitchen counter.

“By what? Taking a frontal assault? I can deflect those all day long,” she shot back, her tone growing defensive.

“If you had just stayed in the house…,” he started.

“She would’ve burned it down!” Annabelle cried. “Travis, she was out there for a good twenty minutes or more wailing on the front door like a lunatic!” Annabelle thrust her arm out in the direction of his front door. “I kept waiting for windows to shatter.”

“I could’ve handled it,” he repeated through clenched teeth.

“Like I imagine you’ve done your whole life,” she shot back. She regretted the words the minute they were out of her mouth; she saw the flicker of pain in his eyes and the wince as he set his jaw. He was already in enough pain, and she’d just piled on. “Travis, wait, I didn’t mean that. I didn’t - .”

“You can’t stay here.” He drew his mouth in a tight line, staring down at the kitchen counter. “Not tonight. Maybe not anymore.” His eyes flicked up at her, and she saw the softness edging away. He was going back to the no-nonsense officer, leaving any sweetness or gentility behind.

“Here we are!” Darlene called, whisking back into the room with a small brown bottle in hand. She read the room instantly, glancing at her husband who’d been watching the lover’s quarrel unravel before him. “Oh, dear.”

“You know, honey,” Frank said softly, breaking the tension, “You just got that guest bedroom looking so nice. Why don’t we have Alice over for a night or two? Let some of this… tension… die down a bit. What do you think, Travis?”

Travis was still staring at Annabelle like he had in the interrogation room, completely devoid of warmth. “Sounds fine, Frank.”

Annabelle narrowed her eyes, glaring at him. “We would love the company, darling,” Darlene said, coming over to give Annabelle’s shoulders a squeeze. “Give him time to miss you, dear,” she said softly.

“Doubtful,” Annabelle replied, pulling away. “Besides, all my things are in the wash.”

“I’ll drop it by when they’re dry,” Travis drawled, uninterested.

“There’s a roast in the oven!”

He shrugged, staring back at her like it didn’t matter. Like she didn’t matter. Like nothing they’d shared together had mattered at all. She wanted to slap him, hit him, scream at him, anything to get some response - anything but his stupid, blank, cruel cop face. She’d earned more than that by now. Instead, Annabelle stepped back, arching a brow in his direction. Ice cold words danced on her tongue begging to be let loose. Sharp, cruel thoughts she’d be ashamed of later lashed at her mind. So much to say, and none of it kind.

Just like his mother.

The revelation was like an ice bucket being dumped over her head, and for a moment she couldn’t breathe. He must have noticed the shift in her demeanor, because for a moment – a brief moment – his face relaxed, and she saw her Travis looking at her with something akin to concern.

“I need… I need a minute,” Annabelle said, stepping back and accidentally bumping into Darlene. “Excuse me.” She turned, rushing to the bathroom, the bile rising in her throat.

----------

Travis felt like a grade-A, double-prime jerk as he watched Annabelle hurry off to the bathroom. She’d gone from looking furious to so pale so quickly he thought she might pass out. He closed his eyes, rubbing a hand over his face. He had screwed up again, and he didn’t know if he could fix it this time.

“Why haven’t you told her yet?”

Travis sighed. He still had an audience, and despite how much he loved Frank and Darlene it still mortified him to know they’d witnessed his family hysterics again. “Frank, not now.”

“Then when, exactly? If you’re going to have a successful relationship with this girl you need to be honest about your past.”

Travis wanted to laugh. Under normal circumstances, Frank would be right, and Travis would be compelled to share. But he wasn’t really dating Annabelle, and a possibility of a relationship wasn’t going to arise. A prisoner can’t be a girlfriend, and even if she didn’t view herself that way he still had Sean locked up. There was no way – no healthy, legitimate way – Travis and Annabelle could ever be together.

“We’re… she and I… we’re not what you think, Frank,” Travis said softly, still unable to meet the older man’s eyes.

“It’ll be all right, darling,” Darlene said softly, patting Travis on the shoulder. “I’ll go put her things in the dryer. Give y’all a chance to talk.”

Frank waited until Darlene was out of the room before he moved closer to Travis. “You need to tell her or you’re going to lose her, son.”

Travis blew air hard out of his nose, whirling to face the older man. “I’m not your son, dammit.”

“Language,” Frank said firmly, pointing a finger at Travis. “Now I know you’re angry, but don’t take it out on me.” He paused. “Or her.”

Travis huffed, crossing his arms across his chest as he leaned back against the kitchen counter. He looked like a defiant teenager. “She can hold her own,” Travis muttered, not daring to meet Frank’s eyes.

“You mean that stunt with your mother out there?” Frank thrust his thumb in the direction of the door. “That was impressive, but I’m talking emotions, Travis. She cares about you, son,” Frank said, moving closer. “And I think you care about her, too. Am I wrong?” Travis sucked his teeth and averted his eyes; it was all the answer Frank needed. “Y’know, I talked to Evie last month.”

Travis’ head jerked up at the mention of his ex-girlfriend’s name. “You did?”

Frank nodded. “Always calls me on the anniversary every year to say thank you. To remember.”

Travis stared down at his toes as he focused on his breathing. “She wants to remember?” He heard Frank step closer, and when the older man put a reassuring hand on shoulder he didn’t flinch. He squeezed his eyes as tight as he could, and dug his short nails into his arms so redirect the pain.

“I know you’re sending her away to protect her, son,” Frank said, his voice soft and gentle. “Just make sure she knows it, too, okay?”

Travis sucked on his teeth, thinking about Frank’s advice. He’d known Frank most of his life, and he’d always offered Travis love, respect, and advice with the best intentions. Still… there were some things Frank didn’t know about – things like werewolves and time travelers.

“I’ve got to get back to work,” he said, straightening to his full height, and still avoiding Frank’s eyes. “I’ll call later to check in.” He heard Frank call after him, but he kept walking, clenching his fists tightly by his side.

The ride back to the station was a blur; Travis was still trying to process everything that just unfolded, and all the damage he would have to fix. But first things first – he’d left Sean in the showers in his rush to get home, and he needed to make sure he was safe and secure for the night.

The station was quiet when he arrived which wasn’t a real reason to worry. The apple pie sitting on one of the abandoned desks was, though – it was the same pie Darlene had given Bobby. A chill ran through Travis; the last time his brother came to the station… well, there was a reason Travis didn’t like to use the middle jail cell.

He felt the barrel of the shotgun in the small of his back before he heard anything, and Travis silently chastised himself. Annabelle and Sean had been open and honest with him about their abilities, and he’d taken their words as bravado and pride. He realized now how wrong he had been. “Hello, Sheriff,” Sean said, his voice lacking the friendly tone he normally used with Travis. “Where’s Annabelle?”

[dzpenumbra]

5/21/23

Alright, we're in for a doozy today. That's one of those words I've heard my entire life but never actually seen written before. Doozy. Weird.

I got to bed a bit late. Like... 7ish. My sleep schedule is just full-tilt nocturnal now. I see every moment of darkness, from dusk until dawn. Tooootally not a subconscious night-watch I-don't-feel-safe-because-I'm-alone-in-this-world PTSD thing. Tooootally.

Here's the crazy part. I had the thought... "what if I just moved to another time zone that my sleep schedule is synced to, then I'd be set." But nope, from experience... my sleep just adjusts to that time zone's day cycle.

I was woken up at 10 AM. I was woken up to loud bangs and stomps above me. Around 11, the sounds started escalating dramatically. Like it legit sounded like people were throwing things onto the floor (my ceiling), zero concern for disturbing neighbors at all. On a Saturday morning. Then... the hammers and power tools started. And it went for at least an hour. I was livid. For the first time, I actually banged on the ceiling. And... I've been doing that whole "I should be better" abuse victim thing where I've just been feeling nothing but pure shame and guilt about it since. I'm so tired of it. None of these motherfuckers have an ounce of remorse for any single time they've been obnoxiously loud. Not a one. They're probably not even aware. If they were made aware, they most likely would either get angry, call me a bitchy asshole or lie by saying they're "sorry" and dismiss it outright.

I'm still a bit cranky, in case you didn't notice...

I'm upset that I feel so much guilt and shame and like... "I should be better" when I even sneeze or creak a floorboard at 4AM. Because I don't mind making some accommodations for others, so we can all peacefully coexist, it's part of being in a community.

I went downstairs, started up my computer and started typing up an email to the manager of my building. And I struggled to even phrase what I was saying. Because I had a feeling what was happening upstairs was actually building maintenance. Like... the maintenance guys from the building itself. And I was just putting it on my upstairs neighbors, because they're regularly loud. But honestly, I have no idea. I just... I didn't take the risk of bitching at the landlord for like... normal maintenance on the building during what people consider normal hours for loud noise. Which happened to be 3 hours into my sleep cycle, which had me wake up shaking and sweating and freaking out.

I was going to ask my landlord to give me a little notice before there was going to be really loud noise like that, so I can plan accordingly. I have no fucking clue why they would do that without informing the adjacent units. That just makes zero fucking sense to me. Just a simple email on the building email system "Hello Unit ___, we need to do maintenance on an adjacent unit at this time on this day. We're sorry for the inconvenience. Just giving you a heads up." Like, legit, I can survive with the noise. It was the fact that it caught me completely off-guard. And I have fucking trauma issues. And I think one of the reasons why I didn't send the email was... I've been forced to explain and justify myself on stuff like that before.

Now... I think asking my building to give me at least a day's notice when they're going to be doing maintenance using power tools... so I can plan accordingly is... not too much to ask. My logical brain believes that, it came up with the damn plan. But my emotional, protective reflexes say... "hey, when the fuck has that ever worked? And... hasn't that gone horribly wrong for you in the past?" And... the trick with having an anxiety disorder... that overlaps with trauma... Especially patterns of trauma... is that it actually validates the anxiety.

Let me explain - So... say you're afraid of spiders. And your friend wants you to go into a basement with them, where spiders might be. And you are mortified because of spiders. No real first-hand experience, but just... in general, the concept of spiders makes you really fearful. And your friend encourages you to go and prove that fear wrong, and they offer to be supportive (in my unfortunate life experience, this is exceptionally rare, but go with it...) and they offer help you learn that spiders aren't that bad. They're just weird, and most are completely harmless. And you suck it up and muster all your courage and you go. And a black widow lands on you and bites you. And you go to the hospital and everything is fine but like... it's one of the scariest nightmare kinda things of your life. Now, take this scenario... and imagine it happening 3 or 4 separate times... with different friends, but every time going wrong. Imagine how hard it would be to get yourself to go back into a basement. With anyone. After that. When anxieties start to mesh with a trauma narrative like that... which often is really just a series of synchronous unfortunate flukes... in d20 games we'd call them rolling a Nat 1 or Crit Fails.

When anxiety starts to get a consistent narrative with empirical facts to back it? The two parts of the human mind - the subconscious and the conscious - actually come into alignment. They start to agree. So... with anxiety, a big problem with it that I've experienced is the cognitive dissonance of your subconscious instincts (anxieties) being in direct opposition to your conscious narrative (logic). And that can create a lot of inner conflict, frustration, depression. But that opposition, when you learn to have healthy inner-conversations with yourself, is actually the key to moving through anxieties. In my experience, of course, as though that even needs to be said... I mean, how could I write from another person's perspective... XD So, with that said... the subconscious and conscious minds coming into alignment and agreement is obviously the end goal... but if the logical mind... is given a bad picture? Like... skewed data? And the logical mind aligns with the anxiety? Shit gets fuckin messy. And I've got a lot of issues with that, with all the weird, surreal unhealthy social situations I've been in.

So... I didn't send the message. Because I was afraid I would offend or upset my building manager by talking shit about the maintenance dude. Or I would get him yelled at. Or, worst case, make my building manager think less of me, or even get angry at me, which could lead to her not wanting me to live in the building anymore. Then my housing is in jeopardy, which means my life is in jeopardy. I'm not even kidding you, this is what my brain strings as a narrative. And in my experience of it, it's really like that cartoon of the devil on the shoulder just whispering into your ear, but in my mind's eye he's more like... somewhere around the inside back right of my skull. And he's telling me this, and I'm sitting there with a thousand yard stare just slowly nodding and like... "yeah, that makes sense, that checks out... we wouldn't want that... I don't mind just sucking it up. I don't want to make a scene." Because... in my experience... when I speak up and air grievances with people who either have power over me, or think or act like they have power over me... Really hurtful shit happens to me. And it has been frequent and consistent. So... if you've ever accidentally burned your hand on a stove before? And then years later you reach over towards the counter because you're off-balance and you see your hand go towards the coil and you immediately, reflexively, without questioning, go "NOPE, NOT THERE." That's the kinda reflex I'm working with, I think. And that shit like... it's deep. It's like... a few steps above hit-your-knee-with-a-rubber-mallet reflexes in the neurological evolutionary chain.

Not long after, I was in the comfy chair again. Window open, AirPods in, noise cancelling on. I had a stream on with... unfortunately... that guy who was playing the real police videos the other night. No one else was on. The GTA5 RP scene I fell asleep after... he deliberately took out an M16 for the Commander's funeral, the commander was a comedy character, so he wanted to do a whole 21 gun salute and viking funeral by lobbing him in a hearse into the ocean. And it was a funny premise and it was chill. Then he shoots a dog in the evidence room for no reason but shock value. Then he goes to respond to a shots fired call... with the M16 drawn... at a gun store shooting range. And the lady turns in a panic towards him with her gun drawn on him, so he... point blank, puts 2 rounds in her head. The timing was fucking surreal that it just happened to sync up. And that scene itself wasn't the most disturbing thing in the world. I mean, it's upsetting and all. But what really got me was him going on and on for like 10-15 minutes after with all the cops and with the hospital staff after arriving to just make it super public and loud that this was a "clean kill" and shit. And... that's his character. That's the character he plays. So... I mean, I can't really get upset by that, I literally chose to put his stream on! XD I can just change the channel if I don't like it! But that whole like... playing on current political and social issues as a way of drumming up controversy and outrage really rubs me the wrong way. I find it really tacky and low-hanging fruit. I find it the RP equivalent of like... calling an autistic person the "r-word". So yeah, I'm not a big fan of that. You can do shock value in more creative ways, in my opinion, it just kinda feels lazy.

But what ended up happening was.. I fell asleep and I had insanely vivid dreams. Likely because the volume was really loud (to drown out the power tool noises) and right in my ears. And I was fucking there, man. And I... had that thing where I couldn't talk. Where I'd go to speak and it was like my lungs were empty and nothing came out. Like, here, let me demonstrate. Exhale fully right now and don't inhale for a bit, and pay attention to the feeling in your chest and throat, then try to push a little more air out. That feeling of not being able to, and the physical feelings too, kinda. Like that. And I was like... I was really trying to speak, I was really pushing. Because the dude was waving a fucking machinegun around! And... late tonight... I realized that since I had the noise cancelling on, and my window open... and was so insanely distressed... I was most likely talking very loudly in my sleep. I probably just couldn't hear myself because of the noise cancelling. XD And man, that's gotta freak the neighbors out, right? Hear me yelling in my sleep out my window about like "Captain, you don't need to bring the gun with you." "Please put down the gun, we don't need more problems." Shit like that.

Waking up from the hammering and power tools was upsetting and off-putting... but waking up from that night terror? I woke up clammy and tingling all over and like... sick feeling. And scared. And really upset, really disturbed. The whole day has been completely put off because of it.

Oh, here's a fun update - it's 5 AM and my upstairs neighbor is fucking vacuuming right now.

So yeah, today has been a bit of a shit show. I've barely eaten anything all day. I did do yoga though, which was a complete surprise to me. I groaned through it and I did not want to do it, but I got it done and it helped.

I also started a bead necklace, a really simple one. I dyed a bunch of beads yellow and strung them to dry, then flicked orange ink onto them in spots, then a reddish orange. So they're kinda speckled, like candy kinda. I dunno, I didn't know what to do for a simple design that wasn't painted. They should look pretty cool when they're coated, I think. I'm just so used to doing much more ornate things, looking over at it, it just looks really plain. But yeah, I'll figure it out.

I'm surprised but glad that even on a day as shit as today, I managed to get something productive done. I'm gonna go water my plants and head to bed now, and likely be woken up in a few hours by whatever visitors my upstairs neighbor is panic-vacuuming to prepare for.

Good vibes? I played a bunch of Risk of Rain 2 today, and I've been getting much better at it. It's getting a little repetitive, but it's fun for now and I've been enjoying challenge-hunting in it.

[syeunko]

Corona on Hope St

Official move-in 9/17, first night alone 9/18

At 26, I have now started using my age as the explanation for many things. Sensitive to jetlag? I'm getting old. More tired than usual? I'm 26. 

And I was so, so tired. Exhaustion felt like a better word for it, exacerbated by my international jetlag and accumulated tiredness. I distinctly remember crouching against the wall of Nami Nori, wondering if aging was supposed to be like this, if I needed to now block out a full week after any international trip to properly recover. I was so confused; Hanna drove the entirety of what was a very efficient and smooth drive, and Soo carried (literally and figuratively) most of the heavy weight into the apartment, also done quite quickly and seamlessly, so this level of tiredness was uncalled for. My conclusion: aging sucks. 

I physically couldn't finish my food (which should've been my first red flag), felt briefly like throwing up, and went home to nap. My second red flag should've been the fiery, livid anger I felt toward Soo’s friend after being awoken from my nap to go out, even though we had all (kinda) agreed upon it before said nap. I said to Hanna pretty vindictively, "I'm going to be a b*tch and I'm going to make him regret it." Oops. I still feel bad about it. 

Hanna and I slept on a naked mattress on the floor with no blankets, no pillow, no sheets, nothing unpacked. I woke up the next morning with a sweat, fever, raging headache, and a serious sore throat. My first thought: “I don’t want to shower and go to church.” Oops again. I thought it was my tiredness finally manifesting itself into a cold, but took a COVID test per standard protocol. When I saw the two dark lines appear, I was SHOCKED. I imagine this is how women feel (on a lesser scale, obviously) when they first find out they are pregnant. 

After being greatly humbled and proven wrong about my invincibility to COVID (I blame my weakened immune system), I proceeded to cancel in-person church, as well as my shower, and ran errands the whole day. 15k steps!!! We are troopers.

This weekend was a surrealistic blur. There are moments I remember with pinpoint clarity, like pulling up onto Hope St for the first time, watching my new roommate Grace walk towards me with her dog, Riley, the fizz of the yuzu seltzer at Nami Nori, walking the next morning with Hanna to get breakfast, bullying my way into buying pants for Soo, the moment my rapid test concluded I had COVID, consequently getting babied by Soo and Hanna thereafter, the list goes on...

Hanna moved around my furniture/things in my room and forced me to drink water and eat. Soo was oddly concerned about the fact that I had no shower curtains  from the very beginning and made sure I got the liner/hooks and set it up for me. Both of them wouldn’t let me hold anything and lugged all my newfound room organizers and random items back to my third-floor, elevator-less apartment. Right after he left, I plopped down on the floor (I couldn’t sit on the mattress because I was disgusting from sweating relentlessly the whole day) and started uncontrollably bawling for a good twenty minutes. LOL

My theory is because that was the first time I was finally by myself in a ridiculously long time, all my pent up, inexpressible emotions detonated immediately. My grief at leaving Logan/엄마, distress for not being able to do more for Soo and Hanna, finality of leaving Boston, stress of an unfamiliar environment, coupled with COVID/moving fatigue = BOOM! 

I don’t know if this is very presumptuous of me or if it’s God-given confidence, but I have never had trouble believing I was someone worthy of being loved and receiving that love. In some of my goodbye cards, friends have mentioned how they think I care very deeply about my friends and family, which led me to believe maybe I wasn’t as selfish and uncaring as I thought. But after this weekend of only receiving from Hanna and Soo, I am nothing compared to my friends, and I am so…so…undeserving. 

Besides my family, Soo is the person I have loved the most. He was my closest person for the past half-decade, and I’m almost anguished I wasn’t able to do more. And if Soo is my oldest friend in Boston, then Hanna is the newest. Equally astonished and sorry for seemingly only receiving…I love you guys more than my snotty, emotional drivel could express!

In any case, I am now moved into 29 Hope St, Brooklyn NY 11211. What a doozy.

PS: Fatigue is different from tiredness. Youth and inexperience made me ever so bold as to assume fatigue was a dramatic way to express tiredness, but I realize that is not the case. I stand corrected. 

[its-not-a-phase-mom-i-d8-demons]

"Are you just using me for my body?" feat. Asmodeus

pairing: Asmodeus x Female!Reader

warnings: mentions of smut, distrust, mentions of cheating

A/N: this got REALLy emotional...

Being the Avatar of Lust and all, Asmodeus couldn't help but have desires outside his absolute adoration of you and you alone; other than himself that is.

He was so sweet all the time, never once forced you to do anything with him, and waited patiently until you knew you were ready.

You loved Asmodeus with your whole heart and had confidence that he wouldn't cheat on you.

Asmodeus was many things, but a liar was not one of them.

Until now, it had been especially hard to keep a steady relationship with his desires rampant and constantly filling up his mind. Ever since he started to get to know you and realize his feelings for you, he stopped sleeping around as much until it came to a complete halt.

He really wanted to be with you, he realized, and he'd give up anything if only it meant he could spend every minute you were here with him.

Here you were, completely in tune and comfortable with each other, but come comments from demons at school today had flooded you with doubt.

You hated yourself for mistrusting your best friend and boyfriend, especially after working so hard to get where you are.

That thought alone makes you burst into tears.

Asmo, who was snuggling happily against your chest, had noticed something off about you and decided against asking if you wanted to fuck. He simply pulled you into bed with him, shared a kiss with you, and planted his face on your pillowy chest, hands caressing your sides oh so gently.

You were so pretty...

What was he going to do with you?

He should see what was the matter.

Maybe it was a test coming up, or an unfinished homework assignment, possibly a teacher being rude to you again, but worrying causes wrinkles! With or without them you would continue to be divine, but still!

At that moment, he heard a choked sob slip past your lips.

Worried, he regrettably peeled himself off of you and saw that you were hiccupping into your hand, trying to stop yourself from crying and making a mess of yourself and Asmo's bed.

"Oh, sweetie..." Asmo murmured, pulling you into his lap, "You can go ahead and cry, don't hold it in like this!"

With his permission, you start crying like a baby into his shoulder.

He held your head, pressing kisses to your temple and rocking you gently from side to side.

"Oh, baby..." He whispers, patting your back, "You have to tell me when you're feeling bad... Don't bottle everything up."

You sob an 'I'm sorry', but Asmodeus wouldn't hear it.

"Don't you dare apologize for crying. I'm right here for you, always. Okay?"

That only made you cry harder.

'Worried' could describe Asmo when he first gathered you into his arms. 'Panicking' is how the demon was feeling when you refused to stop sobbing into his shoulder.

Something was seriously wrong and he needed to get to the bottom of it before it became difficult for you to breathe and you got even more panicked.

"Baby, hey, look at me sweetheart," He murmurs, lifting your head up to face him, "You've gotta stop crying, okay? Can you try and calm down for me? I know you can do it, just take deep breaths for me, kay?"

You wiped your eyes on your sleeves way too harshly for his liking, and he grasped your wrists and put them in your lap.

"Inhale with me, come on sweets, you can do it."

You try to inhale, but your lips trembles and you can't help but let out another sob or two, covering your face in your hand, muttering apologies and trembling.

Asmodeus tried again, pulling your hands down and holding his face in his hands, showing you how to take deep breaths and holding your gaze and refusing to let it go.

"Yes, good job!" He smiled rubbing your lower back when you began mimicking his example, "I knew you could do it, hey, don't stop yet honey, you're really wound up..."

You pull your eyes away from his with great effort as it was unbearable to stare into those earnest sunset eyes any longer.

You were repulsed at the thoughts clouding your mind.

How could you call yourself a good girlfriend? You were terrible really, doubting the man you called your boyfriend and lover the moment the shadow of jealousy turned into a rumor.

You apologized again, gripping his hand tightly.

"What did I say?" He says gently, patting your thigh, "No apologies for showing emotion. Got it?"

You nod mutely.

"Asmo?"

"Yes baby?"

"Are you... Are you just using me for my body?"

You felt him stiffen.

Tears flooded your eyes again, dripping into your lap before you could stop them.

Asmo opened his mouth, then shut it again.

Of... Of course, he wasn't... He didn't need anyone else, only you.

Why didn't you trust him?

All these months of bonding behind closed doors, Asmodeus fighting his sin so vehemently he forgot who 'Asmodeus' really was, and hours upon hours of just thinking about how beautiful you were and that you deserved better than him. He had just begun to believe that maybe, just maybe he was worthy of your limitless affection, but it was not so.

You... You never trusted him in the first place, did you?

"A-Asmo I know what you're thinking and I'm sorry-"

"No apologies." He whispered airily, eyes locked on a singular rose, one of many that had wound their way up the bedpost.

The response was empty of emotion, as was Asmodeus's face.

"Oh Asmo, you've always been so good to me. I know you'd never cheat on me after going through so much pain-"

"Who said it?"

"Wha-"

"WHO SAID IT?" Asmodeus had flashed into his demon form, angry tears spilling from his eyes as he stood in front of you, exuding rage, hatred, and most of all, despair.

Out of everything he was feeling at the moment, none of those potent emotions were aimed at you.

"YOU'RE TOO PERFECT TO COME UP WITH THAT IDEA ON YOUR OWN." He screeched, "YOU KNOW I'D NEVER BETRAY ANYONE I LOVE, WHAT DEMON IS SPREADING BULLSHIT ABOUT ME AND COSTING ME YOUR TRUST?"

You were terrified, staring up at the enraged demon, tears soaking your cheeks once again, "Asmo, please! Calm down! You're above them!"

Mascara tears lined his cheeks, and he was just about to shout something else at you, but the door to his room was suddenly blown off its hinges, giving way to six more demons with their horns out, Lucifer in the lead.

He looked absolutely livid, especially after seeing the state you were in.

Asmodeus had the nerve to shout at you? Under any circumstance?

Not in the least.

"Stop this at once, Asmodeus!" He growled, standing his ground in front of you, "Any reason you have to be angry at MC can be taken up to me! Control yourself!"

"Lucifer stop!" You plead, "Don't yell at him like that-"

"Quiet, MC." He hissed, "You need to get out of here. He's too high-strung at the moment. He needs to be alone."

The larger demon grabbed you by the arm and started pulling you out of the room, but you fought against him, punching and crying and yelling at him to let go.

Mammon tried to step in and explain that Lucifer was "jus' tryna keep ya safe!" but you weren't having it and slugged him in the nose.

He screeched as blood started pouring out of his face, Lucifer loosened his grip when he heard his brother in pain he hadn't caused and you managed to tug your limb away from him and rush to your boyfriend who had collapsed onto the floor, face in his hands and sobbing.

His wings and horns were gone, but you wouldn't have cared either way as you tackled him in a hug and refused to let go.

Asmodeus latched onto you as well, and the brothers knew there was nothing they could do about it.

Lucifer pulled Mammon away to fix his bloody and possibly broken nose, and the others stood at the ready outside the door in case something else went wrong.

For a long time, you and the Avatar of Lust simply lay in each other's arms and cried.

It felt good to comfort and be comforted.

After a few hours, both of you were dried up, holding hands and staring sadly at the ceiling.

Asmodeus spoke first.

"Do you... Do you really think I've been using you for your beautiful body all this time? I'm not accusing you of anything, I need to know."

His voice was hoarse and quiet; tentative almost.

"I never thought that, Asmodeus. I the human world, there were some bad guys I was with and I guess I was prepared to accept it if you were. You've changed vastly since I first met you and you're nothing like those swine up there." You whispered, squeezing his hand before turning to look at him, "It was a stressful week and then, on top of that, I heard some demons talking about you so I stopped to listen. They were saying such terrible things about you; how you cheat on me every chance you got, you're just using me as an exotic fleshlight, and shit like that. We... We haven't had sex in a while so I just wondered if you'd gotten tired of me. Then, when we were cuddling, I just couldn't push those thoughts out of my head and I couldn't stop myself from crying..."

Asmodeus nursed at his lower lip, scooting closer to you, suddenly cold.

"I could never grow tired of you, MC. You have and continue to inspire me to be better for you and myself. I actually..." He giggled sweetly, resting his forehead against your own, "I was gonna ask if you wanted to bang when you first came into my room. Sex really is the answer to everything, isn't it?"

You smile and shake your head, "Not now though, you need some dinner and some rest."

He pouts cutely, ticking your sides, but he knows you're right.

You snatch his hands away from you and kiss his knuckles, "I never meant to make you think of yourself any less, because you really are perfect, Asmo. No one has ever tried to make me happy like you do and willingly spent all of this time with me. You make me feel so loved... I don't know how to thank you. I just want you to know that I love you."

He's literally glowing at your words, wrapping you tightly in his arms and whispering, "I love you too MC. More than I could possibly say."

--

July 7th: TWO. MORE. DAYS!!! (for us VIP members)

could you imagine being loved that much?? holy FUCK. is my giant single pringle ass showing? is it too obvious I'm lonely?

the shit I write... it surprises ME sometimes

Countdown Masterlist

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[smallestapplin]

Heyheyhey I just need to get this idea out here before I forget. Ingo and Emmet (separately) having a crush on someone who doesn't smile or laugh around others because self esteem (they think their smile/laugh is goofy). The twins have known their person to be blank faced and unbreakable, but one day they get to hear them laugh out loud at something their pokemon did. Ingo is blushing so hard he's about to faint, and Emmet is mentally on his knees thanking whatever deity that he got to witness something so profound. I am soft for the train men. -chandelure anon

Chandelure anon coming in clutch after I broke everyone’s hearts.

(I know I woke up at 3pm and it’s 10pm rn, but I’m so tired after all them tears, I might take a fat nap.)

-

-

🔲Ingo🔲

- he understand the smiling part, it’s almost impossible for him to smile. But laughing? He wants to hear how beautiful your laughter is.

- Ingo has fallen for you, sure he hasn’t confessed yet but he wants you to be comfortable with him.

- He tries every subtle thing he can do to get to you laugh or crack a smile, but nothing seems to work. He’s tried puns, dad jokes, long thought out jokes, hell even making a fool of himself, hoping his pain would make you laugh.

- But you never broke from your stoic expression, and just worried over him.

- You were at his house with your Pokémon. Deciding a play date would be nice for the companions.

- You were out back with both parties while he went to get you two a drink. The windows are wide open since it’s such a nice day out.

- And on his way back just as he was about to open the sliding glass doors.

- Your deerling run around excited before it accidentally runs into the sliding glass door.

- Your own loud laughing quickly stops Ingo’s.

- He can see you, your head tossed back and eyes closed, your holding your stomach, snorts breaking through.

- Ingo always drops the drinks. He can feel his face burning, your smile makes his knees weak and your laugh makes him melt.

- He’s in love, he is so in love, he loves you and he can’t even hide it. He is thanking everyone and everything possible for allowing him to see and hear such gorgeous things.

- He wants to live in this moment forever. Your smile and laughter permanently ingrained in his brain.

-

🔳Emmet🔳

- At first Emmet accepted he’d never see you smile. That’s fine! He can smile for the both of you! But you won’t laugh? Even Ingo laughs!

- He isn’t even subtle about it, he’s doing everything in the books to get you to laugh. Ingo gets involved, not by choice.

- Nut shots are always funny! Why aren’t you laughing?

- The more he falls for you the me he wants to hear your laugh and see you smile. He is desperate for it.

- It got to the point that when you told him you don’t out of insecurities he was livid. He wanted to hunt down every last person who made you feel insecure about it and just turn rabid

- You two were at a park, this particular time of day no one was here so all the better. He stood up to walk around a bit and stretch his legs, he was only a few feet away from you.

- You both watched as your small scraggy trying to square up to Emmet’s Garbodor, it’s hits not doing anything to the large trash Pokémon, but Garbodor seems to but be having and it light pushes scraggy, who is knocked over in one light shove.

- For some reason that had you laughing. Your smile broke and your were laughing, leaning back before leaning forward at the simplistic yet hilarious scene that played out before you.

- Emmet stares at you, his mouth agape.

- His heart is pounding, tears are stinging his eyes.

- You’re smiling! You’re laughing! This! This is perfect! He couldn’t resist, he was so filled with emotions!

- Just as you laugh was dying down you squeak.

- Emmet throws himself at you, hugging your so tightly and leaving kisses all over your face.

- “Precious! Darling your laugh is perfect! Melodic! Your smile is brighter than the sun! I love it! I love it all so much!”

- You aren’t getting him off you for a while, he is just so happy.

- Though he accidentally confessed his feelings, tragic.