#i keep thinking im some flat 2d boring default personality
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why am i so many people
#kostik speaks#1am thoughts ignore and shoot me#i keep thinking im some flat 2d boring default personality#i kinda dont like myself for that. i feel like i just take things and dont respond and keep a dead face and nothing to love#but alongside processing one thing i realised that i am so many people. even on my own i am so many people#i keep forgetting that. i overlook it because i dont like myself and i prefer to see myself as having the depth of a piece of paper#but im so many people. im the product of so many lives and dreams and joys#lots of love went into me#the love of all my weird stupid components who loved and healed#i keep forgetting that. why do i hate myself so much actually#i feel like im blocking myself off from everything im made of#theres so much to love in me. so many people who love each other in me. im being built and have been built#there are so many people in me#im just digesting that. i think ive been ignoring that fact for a while now#i dont like myself because im shallow and have nothing in me but im not .?#i think im too used to disconnecting from myself#even this far into healing i ignore what im made of because im more comfortable being nothing#i dont want to be anything and i dont want to be my everything because there is so much in me#and yet i love me. i love every single me. i try to#why do i hate myself so much when all of me is so loved. i want happiness for all of me#and yet it feels impossible to love me. its confusing. i forgot how many people i actually am. i forgot how many of them i loved#no wonder i feel such a loss for the mes i loved. i know theyre deeper and more loved than i thought i ever could be#but i am#theyre me?#its just. if theyre me. then i am deep and lovable and everything else#and that betrays everything i knew about myself#why are they me. i loved them so much. how do i reconcile the fact that im not lovable and yet i loved me#head on the table. groan to scream#hi i promise im not losing it. keep scrolling
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