#i dont like myself because im shallow and have nothing in me but im not .?

[arc-archernar]

.

[kkoct-ik]

why am i so many people

[millersix]

constantly collapsing of loneliness + feeling like i cant integrate myself into society / among my peers......anyone else feel like a complete fucking alien on this earth.

[luna0713hunter]

Hey love.. your writing about zoro „one more kiss?“ is amazing… could you do some usopp with f!reader love and fluff, where reader is strong and he is insecure about their relationship, because he thinks he is too weak for reader, but reader reassures him and gives him love..?

Thanks and love

Author's note : hello darling!oh my goodness your compliment absolutely made my day!! ಥ‿ಥ Omgs i love this request???and its the first time im writing for usopp!!! he's such a lovely character and his actor is absolutely gorgeous!!!thank you for this request!!!hope you like it ;)

"one more kiss?please?"

"nose kisses"

"forehead kisses"

"whispering in between kisses"

"i think i deserve a kiss."

Based on this prompt

Usopp x reader

Warnings : none,talk about insecurities,hurt/comfort,lots of fluff,pet names

*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘

The moment Usopp falls in love with you,is the moment you punch a man straight in the face and knock him out for good.

Perhaps it was love at first sight,but as Usopp watches you beat down yet another pirate side by side with Zoro from over his shoulder while he fights his battle alongside Sanji,he thinks he might have fallen in love all over again.

The battle ends far too quickly thanks to his skilled crewmates,but when Usopp sees how you high five Sanji and Nami bumps your shoulder with hers,he feels a slight pang in his heart.

It was no secret that you were one of the strongest on the ship,and the few past months have proven it. Usopp liked to believe he was getting better too;long gone the shallow man that hid behind the walls and under the tables if a riot rose,and instead stepping in to fight alongside you.

Because Usopp was nothing if not royal to fault.

So when everyone retreat to their rooms that night after a huge feast that Sanji prepared in order to celebrate their victory,you find Usopp leaning against the railing alone,lost in thoughts as he stares up at the dark night sky. You step beside him as gentle as possible;so you dont spook him. When you are settled,you give him a warm smile and bump your shoulder to his.

"Berry for your thoughts?"

Usopp turns his head toward you and blinks owlishly that has you stifling a laugh.

"what was that,angel?"

You rest your cheek on his shoulder and take his hand in yours.

"you haven't been yourself since dinner."

"havent myself how?"

"like," you move your free hand around, "you didnt fight Luffy on the last piece of the pie. And you two didnt end up in a food war either."

Usopp lets out a chuckle,but the sound is far too bitter and sad from his usually bright laughters.

"to be totally fair, Sanji gets mad when we do that."

You give him a side glance, "true," and start rubbing the back of his hand with your thumb, "so...whats up?"

Usopp sighs;like he'd anticipated this conversation.

"its something really stupid."

You frown and pull back so you could cup his cheeks in your hands. And true to Usopp fashion,he rubs his cheek in your palms.

"babe,if its something that's bothering you so much,then its definitely not stupid." You lean and kiss his nose with a small giggle, "so,tell me?"

And all it takes is for you to press your lips to his forehead for Usopp to melt.

"its just...." He sighs,eyes casting downward, "i always watch how absolutely strong and amazing you are...i guess im just wonder why you're settling for someone like..." When he sees you raise a brow,he smiles sadly at you, "well,me."

Your brows shoot upwards and you're sure if you could see yourself,you would've laughed at how shocked you looked.

But the mere sight of Usopp's defeated face is enough to send all thoughts flying out of your head.

"Usopp," you pull his face close to yours so you could rest your forehead against his, "babe, darling,you are absolutely everything i could ask for!" Your lips brush against his as you say the next words with so much adoration that has Usopp weak in the knees "you're brave," kiss "you're so handsome" kiss "i mean gods above,have you see those muscles?" Finally that has Usopp let out a happy laugh and when you pull back with a grin,you sigh dreamily, "you're absolutely perfect Usopp. i love you."

Usopp gives you that lovesick grin and pulls you close with his hands on your hips "then i think i deserve a kiss. So,one more?please?'

And when your laughters fill the silent night and your lips meet,you know that Usopp believes you.

"i love you too,y/n."

And its only for you and the stars to hear those words.

[astroyongie]

i honestly feel like i was born in the wrong era. either im too old for something or someone or im past the point of being able to achieve something. then when looking at how all these kpop groups are so young yet successful and talented just makes me question why i didnt do something like that.

we didnt have kpop in my school time but why couldnt i have just picked something and stuck with it? on top of it i believe im never going to fit anyones ideal type so whats the point in existing cause no one gonna truly get to know me.

unless i can somehow pass away before im 50 then i dont have to continue to think about all this shit and how i shouldve done better or i shouldve picked such and such a career and i shouldve tried to put myself out there more but in my age theres really nothing out there to seek when its all handed to younger generations.

and i would want to have my own success based on my own effort but have fallen short in so many ways its impossible to not find something i could do about it bc im too far behind and it does get to a point where you think that it is too late bc in order to gain any talent you have to have done it from a young age.

i dont want to rely on someone else to do it for me but i couldnt do it myself due to personal situations. yet i feel like thats an excuse cause once again all these young idols seem to be ro have something about them that makes their life a success. like yes the end inudstry is far from perfect but thats what people have been seeking themselves so it cant all be that bad all the time for them if these groups including older age groups have went out got success and even they get all the benefits of the super rich lifestyle but at the same time money doesnt bring true happiness and it seems a very shallow way they live sometimes, they have a supply and demand contract with their audiences and rely so much on social media which although i use it im not attached to it and i cant relate to obsessing over latest dance trend. i also want to stop the woe is me narrative but its really fucking hard to not feel so ashamed, behind or negative about things.

the most advice people gove is bog standard like if ur bored, go out more but its hard not to feel left out, if ur loney go find someone, if u dont have an income go get a job its literally never that simple. even in education you still have to pay for it as an adult meaning you have to already have a job but even then theres still means of you getting misjudged for your age and classmates have already done that to me before it wasnt that fun. its like saying to someone depressed to go take medicine to take away the feeling.

idk what im doing anymore besides waiting to randomly pass away so i can be done with this shite. sorry for ranting so much but idk who else to speak too bc no one else never seems to understand my frustrations with the way things have panned out.

Comparing yourself to others people archievement is the worst thing you can do. because we are all different, we all go through different shits (just like you rightfully said) and not all of us have the same opportunities presented. beating yourself up for that is a cruel thing to do wishing yourself.

It does also seem like you struggle a lot with self worth, self love and that is probably because never once someone complimented you for the things that you have achieve (to this point were you believe you havent achieved anything).

Love, hatred that you carry is a motivator, and you need to accept one thing. as long as you are breathing nothing is to late to archive, as long as you are here you should be kinder to yourself. because why are you comparing yourself to idols? I often say this here but when was it the last time you appreciated life? when was the last time you went out, stared at the ocean, at the night sky, breathed into a forest, when was the last time you felt a sense of peace? seek that out. dwelling on what we could have been is cruel hun, and not helping you in any kind <3

its okay to rant, dont worry, I hope I dont sound to harsh either, its just that I pains me seeing you guys going through so much suffering when I promise you all, darkness cannot live without light. just find your way back to it, often you dont need a big reason. sometimes the most tiny thing can be a source of happiness, seek yours !

[bunnihearted]

i rlly do wanna die tho. i am broken, i will always be broken. if i'd even have any kind of chance to live somewhat normally w this disorder, i'd need years of extensive therapy. rn even tho im begging for help, they all dismiss me nd say they cant do anything for me. im irrepairably nd fundamentally broken. no aspect in my life is smooth or good. i cant do anything, im completely useless nd worthless. my entire existence is pointless. i dont make an impact on anything or anyone nd if i disappeared rn it wouldnt make a difference. it wouldnt even be noticed. it's just so frustrating bc im so fkn broken. no matter how hard i try to explain myself or try to connect w ppl it never works. im way too broken to be understood. im too much too handle in the way that im not worth it, im not worth any amount of patience or effort. im not worthy enough of salvaging things with. if i do one thing, bam im completely written off. whatever i do, whatever i say i remain unheard. it's been like that my entire life. nobody ever truly sees what i do or why i do it. nd that is more alienating nd isolating than anything. sure i can have shallow conversations but my soul craves deeper things than that. but thats not possible bc i am broken. whenever i think of myself nd my life nd how little i have i feel such intense dread for the profound loneliness that hangs over me everyday that i just wanna die to escape it. even if i did get therapy, how tf could they make me not lonely? how tf could they reverse all the damage thats been done to me to ruin me this way? i am a lost cause. the fight i'd have to keep up for the rest of my life..... is not worth it. i dont want to. bc the one thing i want is the one thing i'll never have bc im too broken for it. and truth be told if i cant have that i dont want anything. nothing even comes close to it and nothing can make up for the lack of it. i dont find anything worth living for. nothing. the only thing that keeps me tethered to this existence i was never meant to come into is the overwhelming guilt of the grief i'll cause my mother. i just cannot bring myself to do that to her. but i want to. i want to...... it doesnt matter what anyone says. no empty positivity platitudes matter to me. i just want someone next to me, holding my hand, listening to me, not judging me, not hating me or getting mad or disappointed with me for being what i am. i'll never have that. because i am too broken!!!!!!! i am broken, that's rlly all i can say. there isnt even rlly any treatment for this disorder lol, it's just all empty promises. i'll never heal this. it's impossible to heal or treat. and it took away the thing i want the most... companionship. no one can ever know me and not want to turn away from me. im doomed to a life being suffocated by the darkness crying hugging my knees rocking back nd forth and dying a slow death all on my own with no one to hold me and thats that on that

[rorykeanersactualgf]

request where Benny Weir takes care of and looks after the reader from fainting due to heat exhaustion/dehydration

A/N: im sorry that this is so short and took a while to do but ive been a bit busy and feeling a bit over faced from having over 30 requests but im getting through them, hope you like it and if theres anything wrong with it, please tell me so I can fix it, other than that i hope you enjoy xxx :))

CW: Benny being a cutie as always, talk of nausea and wanting to throw up but doesn't happen, changing in the same room as Benny but nothing sexual happens, depictions of lack of water and eating (REMEMBER TO EAT MY LOVES, I DONT WANT YOU TO END UP ILL XXX), reader has siblings but make some up if you dont xxxx

Sunny Days

It was the peak of summer in Canada and my family decided to take advantage of this and go to the beach. We woke up early in the morning and started to get everything ready to go to the beach. I was tasked with the responsibility of making sure the bags were packed with everything that we would be needing when were there, while the rest of my family was doing their tasks. In the haze of doing everything, I had neglected to remember to put on sun cream.

When we had finished the long road trip to the beach, we went for a long walk along the pier and went on a few rides before we sat down on the beach to do various things. I felt a bit hungry and thirsty so I got up and went to a nearby food stand and got a bottle of cold water and a few snacks. On the walk back, my skin felt warmer than it should and I noticed it was because of me forgetting to put on sun cream again.

When I did sit down again, I placed my various things down and sat in the shade to eat my food and have some of my water when my parents wanted us to stand up and have a family picture. I left my things there, still forgetting to put sun cream on.

After the picture, I saw the waves come up to my feet and that's when my sibling decided it would be funny if they pushed me in. As soon as the cool water met my hot skin, I sighed in relief but also got up to chase them into the water and get my well deserved payback.

When I finally caught up to them, I shoved them over into the water and laughed. We decided to play a few games in the water and swim for a while before we both got tired and a little bit cold and we came out, splashing cold water at one another to annoy each other.

When I went back to where I was sat originally, I felt too tired to eat or drink any of the things I had bought earlier so I laid down on my sun bed and started to tan. This is when I remembered to put on some sun cream and when I did, I felt the instant cooling relief. Feeling satisfied, I laid there and accidently fell asleep.

While I was asleep, my family was enjoying themselves and building sand castles while I had been unknowingly baking myself and my brain in the sun. I had basically been running my body off of hopes and dreams since I had been so busy this morning with making sure I had everything in the bags that I forgot to eat or drink anything.

After about an hour or two of being asleep in the sun, I woke up with the most head-splitting headache, nausea over my whole body, and hot to the touch skin that felt almost red and raw. I went to stand up but couldn't as as soon as I did, my vision went dark and I almost passed out.

Seeing this, my parents kept me in the shade, trying to cool me down and giving me water and ice cream, dreading the drive back home. When I was starting to feel fine again, I went back into the water with my sibling/s and started to swim a bit, staying in the shallow end so if something was to happen, I was able to be saved quicker or get up and out quicker.

When we all agreed that we had had enough and wanted to go back home to our rooms and/or our friends houses, we all clambered into the car, feeling sand stick to our bodies the entire ride back, giving ourselves free exfoliating treatments on accident. The ride back had a few stops because of me feeling a bit travel sick but nothing came up thankfully.

When we were back at the house, I instantly ran for the shower and dived in to feel the cool water drip down me and to check if I was sun burnt, somehow I wasn't. When I got back to my room, I didn't feel well enough to get fully dressed for bed, but I did pull a hoodie over me when I felt my phone buzzing next to me.

I had completely forgotten about telling Benny I was at the beach with my family today. I answered the facetime to a very worried Benny, but the worry was quelled quickly when I explained that I was at the beach with my family, proving it by showing him the tan I was able to accrue from the time being there.

Benny quickly understood and apologised, but I shut it down quickly saying that it was my fault because I didn't tell him, he couldn't have known. After talking for a while, I got tired and started felling my eyes get heavy, to which Benny let me fall asleep on call and looked at me with complete adoration while I slept for a bit and then hung up, saying goodnight and not expecting an answer.

The next morning, I woke up and went downstairs to get something to drink, when I started feeling very dizzy and as I got back upstairs to my room to grab my phone, my legs almost gave out on me. I sat down on my bed with shaky legs and a tremble running throughout my entire body. I laid down and called Benny to ask if he could come over and within a second of me asking, he agreed.

About 10-15 minutes later, a red faced and out of breath Benny was outside my bedroom door, knocking to ask if he can come in. I said that he could come in. When he came in, I sat up properly and tried to pull myself together so I looked at least a bit more normal and presentable than I felt.

The more we hung out, I started to feel a bit better, that was until I had gotten up to go to the bathroom and I passed out. Benny saw me sway a bit and knew something was up and when I had fallen, he had just caught me so I didn't hit my head on the floor or my bedframe. He panicked.

After about a minute or two, I woke up to my legs up on the bed while being laid on the floor, a cool rag on my head, a panicked Benny almost on the verge of tears it seemed, and my mom stood above me, looking a lot less concerned than Benny was.

"Oh my god, are you okay? Are you hurt? Do you need anything? Are you still awake?" Benny asked, questions rolling off of his tongue faster than I could process or comprehend to answer.

"I'm alright, what happened? Why am I on the floor?" I asked with a calm tone in my voice, more confused than anything.

After I had thought about it for a bit longer, I concluded that the reason I had passed out was because I had forgotten to eat or drink anything yesterday, which didn't help the fact that I had fallen asleep in the sun as well. Hearing this, Benny looked at me with a concerned but also a relieved face because at least it wasn't a serious medical condition but I should have had more than a sip or two of water.

He sprinted downstairs and got a bottle of water, some Tylenol, and something to eat and he ran back up to my room, probably using some of his powers to get upstairs quicker. He basically babied me for the rest of the day and fed me until I felt okay, until it was time for me to get ready for be, which he helped me stand up and 'get changed', looking away but still in the room in case I passed out again.

He then picked me up and carried me over to my bed so I was off my legs and helped me get tucked into bed, and just as he was about to leave, I tugged on the back of his shirt and asked him to stay the night, I knew my parents would say yes because they love him, especially from earlier when he had take care of me so quickly and without a second thought. We both made sure it was okay with my parents and his grandma and when we both got the go ahead for him to sleep over, we climbed into my bed, picked up my laptop and I picked a movie I knew he would enjoy because after the stress I have given him today, he needed a break. We fell asleep in each others arms, content and ready for a new day.

[g0thsoojin]

.

im feeling so fkn bad and lonely and hypersexual. i havent had an account to talk to older men on here since dec 2022. that was when i met him and fell in love and now hasnt done that since then... but um yeah im never gonna get to be his gf and i've started trying to let go of that now. but im hypersexual and i feel bad and i hate myself and i want validation. since it was so long ago now its alnost like i dont even know how i'd even do that :/ i cant remember how i even did it.. but i made a new account with a blog solely for the purpose of talking stupid sexual stuff with men and then got it terminated bc having nsfw blogs where u post yourself can get u termed lol, then i was ok for a while and then felt bad and made a new one. i feel the need to do it again now bc yeah i havent made a new one in over a year bc i was busy being in love with him. but he doesnt want me and never will bc he has a gf. and i need validation and attention. i need to show men who only sexualize me my cuts or body or whatever they want and say whatever they want just to hear them call me good girl and i need them to tell me that even if im uglier than most girls im so gross and fucked up and willing to do whatever for them that that makes me pretty. i need to feel useful and like i can be worth something anything. if i can be used in some way at least im not completely fucking worthless. but idek how to do that anymore like i cant remember how i used to do that idk. and on my main blog i dont have any creepy men following or finding my blog bc i tried to keep it as much of a safe space as possible but i dont care abt anything anymore i wanna die and im lonely and i'd do anything for just a sliver of attention even if it makes me feel bad but yeah when i try to sexualize myself there's just crickets bc i managed to well to keep that kind of energy off my main 💀 and idk how to attract it. i miss my other nsfw blogs where i got like lots of attention when i posted those kinds of pics, replies and likes and asks and messages and all, even if .. none of it has ever come close to make me feel the way i did when he gave me sexual attention.... bc im in love with him. and everything else is shallow.... but im starving without him and he doesnt fucking care about me that way obviouslyyy since he has a gf and i need anything !!!!!! but i deleted all of those blogs because of him and how he got upset about some of the posts i reblogged and pics i posted and it made me so confused bc i was only trying to make him like me more but instead all i did was wrong and idk i deleted them. but now that was all for nothing bc he threw me away anyway and i wish i hadnt deleted those blogs bc i need that attention fuck

[tojisun]

Sorry it turned into a depressing rant

Anon who asked about your fav studio ghibli movie here!

I love howls moving castle so much, I love the part when Sophie starts cleaning the house, I love how comforting it is

I love the sass from everyone, I love how kind Sophie is

I love howls line “I see no point in living if I can’t be beautiful” as much as it sucks I agree with him. I’m not smart so the only thing I can offer is my looks and personality to people I meet. If I’m not beautiful, then what’s the point? Sorry if it sounds shallow but when you have nothing to offer in this world, the only thing I can work on is how good I look and present myself. I know I shouldn’t think like that, it’s damaging

Beauty IS in the eye of the beholder, there will be people who find you attractive and there will be people who won’t. People you find attractive, others won’t, so sometimes I try not to think too much about it since we never know.

All my life I’ve been slow academically. My siblings are all smarter than me so I’m always the dumb one. I’m not skinny but I’m working on it, even tho it’s so hard, but I have to be skinny, my life will definitely turn around when I’m not too self conscious about my body. I know I’ll still have those negative thoughts and even after I’m skinny I won’t be happy but, as of now, I never leave the house, my anxiety about how I look keeps me from taking in person classes. I never want to leave the house unless I look good, because I don’t want anyone seeing me at my worst, I want everyone to see me as the best version of myself. So I never leave, my social skills have tanked since 2020 since that was the last time I took a in person class, and that was in high school 😭😭

I feel so immature and stupid, and people my age (19) are doing better than me. I just give up before I even try, and I’m so behind since I’m in my third year of college and I still don’t have an official major, I’m so behind, and last semester I didn’t take any classes cuz I was so depressed and embarrassed, since I failed two classes. It’s an horrible cycle of pity and dread and I’m scared I’ll never get rid of it. And I’m scared of talking to men, but I’m supposed to get married and have a kid before I’m 30 since you’re more fertile and it’s better to have kids young, and I’d love that but I’m scared my kids will turn out like me, disappointments. And I won’t know how to fix them.

So yeah… we veered off of howls moving castle.. my bad💀

re:

!! this got long im so sorry

first of: pls dont apologize! u are welcome to vent here in my blog, im happy to just be a bouncing wall to u guys (if my usually long responses arent what u guys wanted to see). thank u for trusting me (us) with this and im truly sorry for how late im responding

i do love those parts of howls moving castle! i never understood why howl was lamenting about his looks when i thought he looked beautiful w orange hair. orange used to be my favourite colour ^v^ it isnt one rn but i am still fond of it.

i loved orange even when howl didnt – u are correct that beauty in the eye of the beholder. beauty also goes a long way. it’s a horrible reality but when u grew up fat, u get told so many times about how much better life would be if u could just lose weight. i truly cant tell u when i stopped thinking so little of myself.

honestly love, its just so recent when i felt good enough in my own skin – blemishes n all. i never thought itd get better tbh; i thought itd stay this way but it got better. and im scared to promise to you a range of when it will get better, but i do know that it will.

u feel immature bc u are still young! 19 is so young so pls dont punish urself for feeling young, for thinking young, for not knowing anything past being young yet. as a younger sibling, ik for a fact im still so immature. it took me getting a job (during the weekdays) n going to uni for me to mature up, n i was 20 when that happened. so recent!

i also completed my associates slowly bc i was struggling in college! i once took a sem where i only had one class bc i was so overwhelmed that i had to slowly pace myself so i can keep going. high school babies u n then boom, u get hit w juggling responsibilities in college that kinda makes u wanna quit – but u didnt. u took a break and then bounced back!! my love, if that isnt resilience, then what is?

ive never wanted to settle down. i think its bc i thought id be gone by now that i just dont see myself having a family of my own so i apologize for not knowing how to empathize about the ‘deadline’ but u are just 19. before age 30 is so far away! u have sm to live for in between those years. sm to experience and to meet and to love!

also, not having a major yet is also fine! i declared a minor just this year – and im a fourth year already. pls dont worry. u have time – that is something i wanna keep emphasizing. u have time. it feels like the world is collapsing rn bc of fear and anxiety which, my old therapist told me, is a sign that u (and i) wanna keep going. that u wanna keep living.

and from what i could see, especially coming from me who wanted to just give it all up, that is enough. i know that the reasons behind u working on urself isnt a sustainable mentality, but hopefully one day u will wake up and own ur hard work for urself. not for others.

aaaa this got too long im so sorry, im being emotional on my end but i just want u to know: u are not a disappointment. u arent.

ur alive and ur making connections and ur trying ur best (even though it doesnt feel like that on ur end but u are!!) so how could u be a disappointment? and even if u dont wanna do anything, ur also not a disappointment. not even then.

ur future kids will be so lucky and happy to have u as their mom. and they too will be beautiful; they wont need any fixing bc there isnt anything broken to fix.

i love you. i dont know who u are but i love you. i love all of you.

[gayspock]

ehrm

ithink thats the crazy thing too idontknow how to fucking bring myself to tell people i want to explode your fucking head . whatever my endless list goes neverending fucking cosmic cycles forcingyourself to try and like something try to find it in you to care everyone keep saying youre this fucking shallow you have no meaning in your life i cant find anything i keep fucking spinning my own wheels try to find people i keep trying i havent seen anyone in weeks again i just feel alienated every time i try to be with people ive tried so many times it feels like an endless exhausting fucking cycle until im consumed by it its in your head its fucking not in my head i keep thinkignabout how easily im left out how easily im forgotten i just feel so , so much fucking worse when i remember how fucking much i really cant just fucking exist and i cant fuckinmg keep up with it any more i slip out of existence so cleanly people dont notice and its fine to everyone because for all the "we wouldnt notice if you were gone"s the world can offer i dont think its evermeant anything but me i think i should try at something again lets do tjhat i do it for months i keep at it it makes no difference i fuckinjg hate it i resent it im not meant to fucking be so fucking overwhelmed by inadequacy i need ot fucking handle it but tis the only thing i feel like i can do endless fucking fail after fucking fail but fucking god christ just fill your fuckingdays with something but theres no one there and i hate doing it and i cant fucking handle it on my own i fucking sit there alone in my room i'm menat to fucking try one of these again its so fucking pointless everyoneelse can fucking cope (im not allowed to say that haha! xD) (everyone else is lonely they say ive not made human contacxt in weeks ive not spent time with someone irl for years i dont think ive ever had a friend thats existed outside of proximity and eventhen i can barely manage ) i fucking think about the stupid fucking headspins i can get myself in and how at the end of the day its just embarrassing it never mattersoutside of these 4 walls and im the only guy in here and i dont think i matter at all i think whatever the fuck i think about allthe multitudes of reasons people have dont kill yourself because of x, y, z hwo it never means anything theres never been a tangible reason other than the single fact youre so fucking scared youregoing to fuck that up to and you odntknow whats going to happen when you do but youre not meant to say that one youre meant to be yoruself youre meant to behonest but none of this is allowed i think i think x, y, z is meant to bewhat keeps you alive oh but thinkabout how much life you have left to live! i think about it stretching befgore me and im so so fuckingafraid and distraught i think i go catatonic for hours thinking about how its endless how im alone for these many years how its more years of foricng this shit along lets think about how many people would care i think i might endit i think im about to go feral and kill you right now think about whatyouve done with your life i fucking feel like im going to lose ittheres is. nothing. that. helps because there is not theres like the simple fact and thatsthat and theres no out of it im stuckkk heeheee

[sieglinde-freud]

For the ask game 3, 6, 7, 15 :)

omg hi stedy!! 💙 putting under read more again cuz it got long whos surprised

3. What’s a female character you look up to?

kind of embarrassing but elle woods lmfao. i dont talk too much about myself outside of liking video games but generally speaking i really likes presenting pretty girlish and feminine, and where i live it gets me a lot of grief and people looking down on me. so seeing someone like her who is sooo unabashedly pink and pretty and going to fucking harvard law changed something in me. because i absolutely did have a ‘not like other girls’ phase as a kid but characters like her helped me out of that. realistically as an adult i can see its different for me than her, given shes a rich white woman whos also not real, but still! shes very dear to me. when i was thinking of other characters to put here my other thought was maribelle fire emblem so can you guess i have a type?

6. A female character who got done dirty by the narrative?

celica fire emblem in echoes specifically. i didnt play gaiden because i dont hate myself but i dont know the differences in plot. but in echoes its just like. i love conrad but why is he here? so he can take the spotlight away from celica and solve her problems when she was just fine without him in then original! and then alm has to come save her, and then guess who gets the cool final hit animation at the end of their dual narrative? not her! its like. man. what the hell. i like celica and everything, shes a great character, but intsys does not respect her enough. i will tho. give her to ME.

7. A female character the narrative wound up being much better to than you’d thought it would be?

ivy fire emblem. honestly, like a lot of people, i had a really sour first impression of engage just based on the trailers, and also like a lot of people, i thought ivy was just gonna be camilla 2.0 seductress on a wyvern they’d use strictly for fanservice and cast any interesting traits away. happy to say i was wrong! i loved her character arc with her turning against her father, watching him die, and then fleeing the country everything riding entirely on the hope that the divine dragon can still accept her offerings. and then having to face hortensia and face the fact that ivy left her behind and still get hortensia to come with you its just… ugh. ivy fire emblem. its been a while since i read engages story but her individual character story specifically was just. so fun. i love her very much.

15. Female character you would defend with your life?

lucina fire emblem. same issues as with severa tbh in the sense that in my happy little tumblr bubble i see nothing but complete love an adoration for her, but if i step out and see a twitter/reddit nerd’s opinion on her i lose my mind. “shes boring shes just a forced love interest for male robin her story is poorly written shes shallow” im gonna kill you. god forbid a young woman go through struggles the likes of which none of us will ever know and finds it hard to tell a joke. fucking christ.

[noxiatoxia]

even as a small kid i felt like i didnt belong in this world. not in qn edgy way either but genuinely in a "i was born in the wrong lifetime" sort of thing. and then as i got older i got obsessed with the idea of stories and characters and people that were fixated on suicide from the moment they were born or people who never felt like they should have been brought into society or be human. i got obsessed with stories about unconventional means of happiness and love and living. ways of living life or being happy that most people would be perplexed at, i found comfort in those sort of stories, because i felt it was the closest id ever get to feeling like i belonged.

noww not to say i DONT like living. in fact i do. i have fun & despite all the bullshit in my life i do not want to end it all or w/e. i can have fun and be happy but that does not change the fact it all feels like a lie to others. hanging out with friends and talking to family feels like an eternal game im playing, never actually connecting with anyone or anything. and thats fine, bc its still fun and i still have fun, but living life day to day feels as real and sincere as a video game. i could play games for hours, get immersed and invested in them, fall in love with those pixels on the screen and cry at the story, but theyre still made up lives inside a digital world at the end of the day. thats what my life feels like. a very very fun video game! but its all shallow anyways. idk if that really bothers me exactly. i do often times find myself yerning for that place i belong that ive dreamt of before i could even read. as an abstract concept, one with the earth, or somewhere in the atmosphere, in space, dunno. i know ill never find it in this lifetime, and thats fine, as long as i can have fun and adventurw right now. and then when i die, i hope i can find where i truly fit in, and what my soul truly was meant to be.

i could go on abt how its likely this is a big reason i project myself through media and rely on it heavily to express myself, since im not really myself in real life, dont really have a being in real life, so i can pour my base desires and wishes into a fictional world where it all makes senae to me. and i could also acknowledge that i might be a bit mentally unwell, but if i have felt this way my whole life, perhaps this is just who i am. as ive always felt, some people simply are not destined to be human or to be alive. what some people want or how thwy feel cannot be changed through reprogramming or drugs. they are "lost causes", those who want nothing more than to dedicate their lives to killing, to killing themselves, to drugs, to living in the woods, to living with wolves. their happiness and desires are unconventional and perhaps can never be changed. maybe theyre "broken", but theres a lot of them out there, and i feel a connection with them. we get one life, lets live it how we want, theres so much more outside of this constructed society. normal is weird and weird is normal. for me, ill just wait.

[spiderlegeyelashes]

complaining

i am so hungry for tenderness and intimacy actually qnd i dont even need it for myself rn im patient and im not delusional, id be content watching or reading something tender and intimate but no matter how hard i look i cannot find anything that actually appeals to me. ive never seen a romance that i genuinely felt good about over the age of 12, everything always seems so shallow and clean and normal to me, it feels like something made by people who are nothing like me for people who are nothing like me and seeing it just makes me feel worse. i dont know i often wonder what's wrong with me, why can't i be normal about things, why can't i just feel things the same as everyone else. and for a while i labeled myself as aromantic for peace of mind but deep down i know that's not true, but i also know that what love is to me is nothing like it is for literally anyone else. i'm tired, i feel alone and strange, like all these other people would see me as an oversensitive weird freak. i feel like if i am ever truly myself i will end up a laughing stock, something to point at and dissect for enjoyment because well it just makes no damn sense. and i'm glad i at least have my peace with myself, that i like myself and i'm honest with myself, but what makes me feel so bad is the understanding that to other people there is something wrong with me. every time i open up about how i feel about things a little more i only get told that i just need to "spend more time with people"/"meet more people" and then i'll be normal. i so badly want to be accepted for who i am, for what i'm like, without having to bend and twist and squeeze myself into things that make sense to other people but no sense to me. i'm so tired, where are the people like me? where are the people that understand me? i'm tired of feeling like the only person in the world who's like "this".

[esoteriamaya]

Mild Confession

From 2023 i looked at my experience with men and i've dealt with a few traumatizing situations but i still can agree that i have to discern and choose better.

I hate that i've had to accept that as apart of my reality but the truth is men or women aren't going to protect you if they dont think you're a good fit... and what i mean is based off the traumatizing situations i been in its like a fish being 'baited' by a shark..

so it caused me to go into celibacy and just staying away from men in general.

the last time i been with a guy, i had to cut it off short because i mentally couldnt take anything that was going on in my past and just wanted to move forward. nothing he did, just thought it would be best to let go.

so i've been sitting with myself and having to deal with my emotions. im practically really old school... and thought for 'love' i'd let it go. the past few years have been something. 20 yr old me was right. all this time. i thought i was 'shallow' and people were telling me i was doing too much but in retrospect i was doing ENOUGH because it PROTECTED me from bullshit. Once i decided my attitude was making me 'stuck up' i kinda let go a lil and it got me into more mess.

so.... im taking a step back and going back to the old me, being 'shallow' in other words having RULES and REGULATIONS to live by instead of letting any man just enter.. thats what they said was shallow. I was too picky.

So ladies, gents, gays, if you've been feeling worthless do to some of the characters you've let in your life i will finally just go and say its time to let go and be 'shallow' be 'picky' be everything they said would make you single AKA SAFE FROM BS. do not go out to that date with that guy unless he has shown he's worth it. don't 'hangout' with them just for fun dont let them tell yall nothing NOTHINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. cause you will have to look back at the mirror and take responsibility and blame for whatever a man does to you. thats all.

i gotta heal alot of wounds and bs because folks dont care about you the way you do them, or just like to use you because thats all they been doing. just look out for yourself is all im trying to say.

god bless. <3

[c0rpseductor]

im just doing all of these at once regardless of likes and i'm doing it here because i hate twitter's character limit. and i love the sound of my own voice. feel free to steal it from me if you like in fact please do

i listen to music when i write Sometimes. i try to keep it to stuff without lyrics or stuff with lyrics in a language i don't speak fluently enough for them to distract me. sometimes i do listen to music in english if i've heard the song so many times that i can kind of tune out the words but in general music with lyrics pulls the language bits in my brain in too many directions

i tell my close friends about plans for my fics and talk to them about it and sometimes let them beta sections of writing but in general i'm a no beta/loose beta kind of guy.

third person limited babyyyyyyyyyy

depends. i used to write more often in past tense but i switched to present recently and i feel like the immediacy of present makes it a lot easier for me especially where more figurative prose is concerned. i've been meaning to try past tense again just to see if it's really more difficult or if my decision to switch tenses is unrelated

pretty even mix. i start and abandon longfics like nobody's business

see above.

i guess if you count oc/canon or oc/oc stuff as rarepairs but. not really? shrug

i try really hard to write principal characters as close to canon as possible, but background characters i take more liberties with. in general i don't like discarding canon characterization bc it feels like, ok, why not just write an oc? after a certain point. like the point is that i enjoy the character as depicted yknow

i don't really think about this. if you put some cliches or tropes in front of me in a story i'd be able to identify them and say whether or not i like them but a lot of times it's contextual and i like the execution more than the trope itself. or vice versa. i like reincarnation romance conceptually but do not often like the way it's written

i fucking hate omegaverse. gender is a prison

obviously im an emetwol freak. emetwol is my otp. sickos voice

i dont have any notps really. i dont spend time thinking about specific ships i hate i just ignore them

nice dichotomy, now what lies outside it? i guess i like both fluff and smut but i don't know that i really care for fluff vs smut as a binary. my personal definition of "fluff" encompasses any particularly tender feel-good warm fuzzy kind of fiction and that doesn't preclude sexual intimacy in the slightest. conversely i love a good bit of tender feel-good warm fuzzy smut but do not really like "fluff" in the way i tend to see it used in fandom as specifically like sexless "wholesome" feel-good slice of life stuff a la coffee shop au. nothing wrong with that but i get a little bored of it unless it's a breather in a longer work with dramatic weight personally

i love angst. i think my personal hangup is that angst has to have a point and be about something. angst for the sake of angst inevitably feels kind of cheap and shallow to me. whenever i write angst it's like to process something specific so i tend to have a lesson in mind at the end of the work

in the shower or lying awake in bed at night the same as everyone else i assume

plantser. i always have an outline in mind but it's flexible. vague. mutable. gossamer

i title my chapters and i kick myself for starting the habit every time bc i'm dogshit at titles

i think most of my pet peeves are smut-related which says a lot about me. stop saying core to mean vagina. stop saying sex as a noun for genitals. i never want to see sac again. also i fucking despise orbs as a noun for eyes and i thought we'd abolished that like via geneva convention sometime in 2015 but people still use it.

scene transitions and communicating the passage of time. im still working on that

bold of my amateur ass to give advice but i think READ REAL BOOKS. is high on the list. not just fiction, either. read nonfiction, both bc it can be surprisingly engaging and poetically written and because it's good to learn facts about things. read wikipedia. recipe blogs. i dont care. read everything you possibly can that is not fanfiction. and when you are watching tv and movies pick apart every narrative you encounter to see how it works. you will be a better writer for it i promise

[angeldiaries777]

the best revenge thats even better than karma is just leaving the person alone to deal with the awful person that they are by themselevs. bad people have to live with the burden of being awful those people are the real insecure ones. or they're sociopaths if they still continue to harm people but dont feel anything. i promise you what goes around will come around eventually. i dont believe in karma specifically actually but your actions will come back to you because everything you do has a consequence in this life and in this world. dont be surpised if acting like a narcissist with no charm or kindness gets no one to like you. i dont associate with bad people. something i learned the hard way this year isthat it does not matter how good your heart is or whateevr blah blah you have to actually be a good fckn person for me to allow you into my life. you are your actions as much as you want to pretend you're not you 100% are. i hate how shallow and egotistical society is nowadays everyone does everything for the approval of everyone else while also being way too self centered. sometimes thats okay but im tired of living that way. think what you want of me. my family and my friends and the people in this world that i care about and care about me know exactly who i am and love me for it. i dont care if none of this matters i know the reason i am still alive and on this earth is to be a good true person and i dont care how terrible and oblivious a lot of people are i will never stoop to their level. i dont want people to think of me and feel regret, fear, pain or a knot in their stomach i want people to think of me and think of a good person who does what she wants. yes peoples opinions of you dont matter more than your own and yes people are going to hate regardless sometimes but i wanna strive to be good to myself. i dont want to be another loser that doesnt try to be anything greater than mediocre. i am simply not wired like that. when i set my mind to something it always works out. everynight i go to bed with a clear conscience and pure heart and that is enough for me to continue work on myself and forgive myself. this post will sound contridictary to those who dont get it. but to those who get it it will click for you and make perfect sense. i realized who the fuck i am and the people i was putting on a pedestal didnt belong there at all. we all bleed. we all die. look around you and live life for what it is. stop being so in your own head. NOTHING IS REAL CREATE YOUR BEST LIFE WITH THE BEST PEOPLE AND LIVE. just live. sometimes things really are that simple