#i think im too used to disconnecting from myself

[kkoct-ik]

why am i so many people

[brainjuicey]

sometimes I say something about the intricacies of the world for paragraphs and paragraphs, sometimes out loud for an hour straight, and at the end I realise I might just be searching for myself in it all. maybe we don't need the death of hyper-post-modern conservatism in favour of the death of patriarchy under gender bending extremes supported by mainstream erotica and whimsy, radical social reform with prison abolition and idyllic anarchism. like maybe I just need to get fucked by a really attractive man or woman who makes me feel like sexy big bad wolf with a heart of gold.

[mothercain]

why do you not have much of a country accent? everyone i know from your region sounds like they're chewing on a rubber band (me too tho) im just curious

when i was growing up i sounded like everyone else but because we were homeschooled our whole life, my mom was a bit neurotic about us coming off as uneducated because of the way we spoke so she kind of drilled it out of us as we got older. i still have an accent when i go home but i'm very self conscious about my accent and am kind of stuck in permanent "customer service" voice with everyone who doesn't speak like me. i love my regional accent and i feel disconnected from my culture when i don't speak with it but then i'm also very embarrassed in a way to let it slip around people not from the south. it's kind of a strange push and pull to be caught in the middle of. it's definitely one of those deeply engrained things though, i always find myself speaking as "eloquently" as possible because i don't want people to think i'm unintelligent, which is something i don't love about myself. long live the north florida cracker accent.

[bloodbankzz]

ive been in a very questionable mental state recently

[drchucktingle]

favorite author i have never read

hey there buckaroos thank you for all the DEEP DISCUSSIONS we are having a great time here on tumblr. thought today i could make a post that is slightly more difficult its not all sunshine days ahead and requires a little introspection. LOOK AT US we have all arrived here together through trust and love and i think we can keep this going. chuck made this post on other platforms years ago and i think it was said very well then and led to some good discussion, so i am going to repost here. okay lets go deep bud here we go:

i would like to spend moment today talking about common joke i hear online (and even too my face at conventions). this is jokerman way i hear ALL the dang time: 'chuck tingle is my favorite author i have never read' or less jokerman way but of ‘i have never read his books but i love chuck tingle'.

first of all, THANK YOU buds. this is not way of call out post to make you feel bad, i appreciate your way and understand you are trying to support. this is not attack on your message and from bottom of chucks heart THANK YOU.

BUT i have to say something about this. please consider what you are saying when you post this. would you send this as message to STEPHEN KING or NEIL GAIMAN or NK JEMISIN? i doubt this. it would seem VERY RUDE to message other authors. just imagine trotting up to a writer and saying ‘i would NEVER read your books haha’ but it is sent to chuck all the dang time.

obvious reason buds say it to chuck is that i am queer author with a unique way. yes i write in realm of wild fantasy and erotic pairings, but by saying ‘i have never read chuck BUT' you are really saying 'i am posting my support of this but PLEASE DONT THINK I AM REALLY INTERESTED IN THIS PERSONALLY.' there are similar distasteful jokes that i will not repeat involving saying 'no bud on bud pounds' after a sentence that works in similar way.

is sexual art really that bad? is queer art really that embarrassing? is unusual outsider art really that funny?

it is one thing if your preferred pound is not one of chucks tinglers, that is TOTALLY FINE BUD, but if you are an adult i would say 'is it REALLY that scary to read a book about a way of sex that is not yours? is it that difficult to think that something that seems silly to you could actually MOVE YOU in an important way? do you HAVE to disconnect yourself from lgtbqia art with a 'but i don't read this myself?'

keep in mind, there are gay tinglers, there are asexual tinglers, there are trans tinglers, there are select your own timeline tinglers, there are horror tinglers. TINGLERS FOR EVERY TASTE. the thing that buds are often REALLY saying with ‘favorite author i have never read’ is ‘this is WEIRD and dont be confused because im NOT WEIRD IM COOL DONT THINK I ACTUALLY LIKE THIS’. funny enough even the proudly fun and wild and unique buckaroos will STILL say this line, maybe without taking time to think of what it means or how rude it is?

WHY would you never read a chuck book? because my way is queer? because it is neurodivergent? even if that is not there reason or even if YOUR ARE ALSO PERSONALLY QUEER AND NEURODIVERGENT TOO, think about what the joke is IMPLYING.

is sincerely enjoying something thats kind of unusual that difficult? do we really have to slather it in irony and ‘so bad its good?’ before reposting?

in closing as man name of chuck i will say you can still make this joke if you want buckaroos i know you are just having a good time proving love in your own way. i am not upset with you bud and i appreciate your support in any way you give it. there are some buckaroos who just CANT AFFORD tinglers and that is an important way i understand as well. obviously this conversation does not apply to those buds. but for the rest of us trotting along, MAYBE think about what you are really saying with this jokerman way first, and MAYBE try cracking open a tingler because you might be surprised. its not that scary bud. thank you for listening

being sincere is VERY COOL and VERY PUNK ROCK. i encourage all buckaroos out there to give it a try.

LOVE IS REAL

[prettyinpurplelights]

hii ur writing is SOO SOO good im practically going insane over ur mbappe writings. could u pls write smth about mbappe being sick and reader having to take care of him but he's just enjoying being a brat and clinging to reader ? like imagine taking care of this manchild. imagine the HAVOC he would wreck if he didn't get a kiss from his gf

HOUR OF NEED

Heyy, thank you for your lovely words, means so much 🫶🏿 hope this is okay!

“You’re leaving me here all by myself? This is your fault.” Your boyfriend sniffles, pouting as you put on your jacket, ready to leave the house.

“I warned you about kissing me last week when I was sick.”

“But your mouth was so nice and warm.”

“And now here we are.”

“So you’re going to abandon me in my hour of need?”

“Kylian, it’s just a cold. You’ll survive.” You roll your eyes.

“I hope you know those may be your last words to me. Ever! Who knows if I’ll still be alive and breathing when you get back.” He shivers dramatically and you grab your bag, placing your phone in your coat pocket.

“I spent all day yesterday playing nurse Ky, I have to go to the office.”

“And you think if nurses just left their patients before they got better, anyone would recover?”

“You are a ridiculous man Kylian Mbappe. You have a runny nose and a high temperature, just keep hydrated and take your pills. I’ll see you at 6.” You reach over to kiss his forehead and he rolls over and pulls the covers high over his head.

“You don’t deserve to kiss me.” His voice his muffled under the blankets and you laugh.

“Whatever you big baby.” You call as you shut the bedroom door behind you.

————

“So if we push the campaign from this angle, I think the overall engagement would-“

PING!

Your phone buzzes for the hundredth time in the last 10 minutes since you started giving your pitch to the newest clients at your firm. You reach for your phone to turn it off, apologising profusely, when it starts ringing and you see your boyfriend’s face lighting up the screen.

“I’m so sorry, I just have to take this very quickly, I really apologise.” You hold your hands in a prayer sign before scrambling out of the office with the phone to your ear.

“Kylian, what the hell do you want.”

“Y/N…” his voices sounds strained and breathless, and you immediately begin to worry.

“Kyky? Baby what’s wrong?”

“I just…can you…” He coughs violently and you wince. He really doesn’t sound good, and you feel start to feel a little guilty for leaving him alone. “Can you…come home please? E…Emergency.” He croaks out that last part, as though he doesn’t have the energy to do anything else.

“Oh baby. I’ll be there as soon as I can okay? I’m sorry for not taking you seriously. I’m leaving the office as soon as I can.”

“Thank you,” he breathes before hanging up abruptly and you think the absolute worst. Maybe it wasn’t just a cold, maybe it was something worse, and now he’s alone and confused and deteriorating. You head back into the conference room, chewing on the inside of your cheek anxiously.

“Everything okay Y/N?” Your boss asks.

“Yes, ummm, it’s just my boyfriend is really ill right now, and he’s just called me and he doesn’t sound too good so I’m a bit worried that’s all. But we can get this pitch finished up and I’ll go and quickly see him on my lunch break-“

“Kylian is ill?” He says, shocked as if you’d just told him his own mother on was on her death bed. “Oh no, you must go to him right away. We have the PowerPoint and your notes, Lisa can finish your pitch.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes of course, I hope he makes a speedy recovery.”

“Thank you so much, and I really am sorry.” You disconnect your laptop from the hdmi cable connected to the project and slide it into your handbag.

“Don’t worry about it Y/N, please let us know how he’s doing tomorrow, you don’t have to come in if he’s still not feeling well.” He smiles. You thank him one last time before rushing out of the office and down to the elevator to the underground car park. You barely lock your seatbelt in place before hightailing it out of the building.

“Kylian!” You yell as soon as you make it back into the apartment. You drop your bag at the door and hurry up the steps, taking them two at time. It’s not long before you’re bursting into the bedroom. “Ky, baby what’s wrong? Have your symptoms gotten worse?” You sit on the bed, taking his sweaty face into your hands. “I’m sorry for leaving you baby.”

“You’re back.” He croaks.

“Of course,” you sigh leaning in to kiss him and he lets you this time. “What was so urgent?”

“I…the bistro is out of chicken soup and I really want some chicken soup, I was wondering if you could make some for me please?” You drop his head, and he falls back onto the pillow violently.

“Ouch!” He moans, rubbing his head.

“Kylian…” you close your eyes, your right hand pressing on the bridge of your nose. “Kylian, do not tell me you pulled me out of work because you want FUCKING SOUP!”

“I missed you too?” He pouts.

“Kylian! I was in an important meeting with my boss!”

“The one that’s the PSG fan? I’ll have someone send him some tickets to our next game, he’ll be fine.” You roll your eyes.

“Of course that’s why he let me leave the office without hesistation….but that’s not the point Ky!”

“Look babe, I’m sorry for making you leave work.” He doesn’t look sorry in the slightest and it pisses you off even more. “But I mean…you’re here now? So…”

“So???”

He opens his arms, his eyes wide as he smiles. “Come spend the day in bed with me.” You throw a pillow at him, landing in the space his open arms created, before storming out of the room.

“Where are you going?” He calls out.

“To make YOUR FUCKING SOUP!“ you shout back. “Tu es un putain d’idiot!”

———

You feel someone’s arms wrap around you as you’re stirring the soup and you shrug your shoulders.

“Get off me Kylian.” You mumble.

“Are you mad at me?” He asks, holding you tighter as he presses a kiss into your neck.

“Kylian Mbappe Lottin, I’m within an arms reach of very sharp objects. Get the fuck off me.”

“No.” He insists, burying his head further into your neck. “I want to hug you. I read somewhere hugs and kisses when you’re sick are very healing.” He moves from behind you to stand by your side, his arms around your shoulders instead, leaning forward with his eyes closed and lips pursed. You shove the teaspoon you were using to taste the soup into his mouth instead and push him off you as you untie your apron and place it on the work surface.

“You can keep your kisses. I’m not trying to get sick again.”

“You kissed me earlier when you came back?”

“Yeah when I thought you were on your death bed you manipulative man child.”

“Oh Y/N, come on!” He whines, stomping his feet. “I’m not a baby.” You look at his stomping foot and raise an eyebrow. He stops and his lips turn up in a little smile. “Okay fine, maybe I am a baby. But I’m your baby. And your baby is sick and needs you. He needs your kisses. Desperately or he might drop to the floor right now.”

“Drop. I don’t care, I’m not kissing you.”

“But I said I’m sorry!” He groans.

“And you’re forgiven. But I’m not kissing you. I don’t want to get sick again.”

“Actually,” he says, coming up to you as you reach into a cabinet above the sink to grab two bowls. “Since I caught this cold from you, it’s the same strain, and you can’t catch a cold twice with the same strain of virus. So you can kiss me as much as you want.”

“And since when did you become Dr. Mbappe.”

“I did some reading in the 3 hours you abandoned me.” You slide past him and start serving up the soup in the bowls.

“Good for you.”

He takes the bowls from you and sets them on the island before backing you up against the counter. The blanket around his shoulders falls to the floor as he rests his arms either side of you on the granite worktop, trapping your body between his.

“Just one kiss.” He whispers against your lips, his face barely an inch from yours. “Please. Just one.”

“Fine.” You press your lips against his lightly, ready to pull away but his hands cage your face, and he presses his lips harder against yours, deepening the kiss. You both pull away eventually breathless, your hand around his neck.

“Better?” You ask in a low voice.

“I’m cured.” He murmurs, before he suddenly recoils and sneezes all over your face.

“DUDE!” You shout, pushing him away as you reach for a tissue.

“Well, almost cured.” He laughs, stopping when he sees your stone cold expression, your eyes shooting daggers at him. You shove his bowl of soup into his chest and go to sit on the sofa with yours. You soon feel Kylian snuggle up next to you, lying down dramatically with his hand over his forehead.

“I suddenly feel weak and dizzy, I don’t think I can hold myself up Y/N.”

“What? You want me to feed you the soup now?”

“If you insist.” He smirks.

“You are unbelievable,” You roll your eyes, but you’re smiling too as you pick up the bowl and hold a spoonful to his lips.

“I also think a kiss in between each spoonful will really help speed up my recovery process.” He nods as he slurps the soup from the spoon.

“You know what, you should legally change your name to Mbaby.”

“Haha funny.” He retorts. He points to the soup, then his lips before opening his mouth wide. You intentionally put the bowl down and pull out your phone, flipping the camera to selfie mode and holding it up so both you and Kylian are in the frame simultaneously.

“Look at this big baby here,” You start, as you press the live option on your instagram. “Big boy Kylian Mbappe lying here while I feed him soup because he’s got a little cold he can’t handle.” Kylian reaches up to grab your phone but you leap from the sofa to the other side of the coffee table.

“Y/N, turn it off.”

“Oh look,” you say into the camera. “Suddenly he has the energy to get up. You should’ve seen him merely a few seconds ago guys, acting as though he had the plague.”

“Y/N, I’m warning you.”

You laugh as you read some of the comments from the fans on your live, getting louder as you see one from his teammate.

“Ky, Achraf said stop being such a pussy!”

“That’s it!” Kylian says before leaping over the table, but you’re a tad quicker than he is, dodging his lunge and making a break for it into the kitchen. “Cut the live Y/N, or I swear-“

“Or what?” You taunt, flipping the camera so it’s facing him as he stares you down from the other end of the island in the middle of the kitchen. You quickly slip through the door and up the steps before he can reach you, but Kylian proves himself to be one of the fastest men in the world once again because he’s grabbing onto your shirt just as you reach the top of the steps pulling you to the floor, his full weight on top of you as you raise your arm as high as you can out of his reach.

“Okay guys, I have to go, it’s time to feed baby Kyky his cough syrup.” You say just as Kylian grabs the phone out of your hand and turns it off.

“Looks like you’re suddenly feeling better hmm?” You tease, laughing.

“You…” He starts but his sentence trails and he pulls the blanket over his mouth before sneezing into it loudly. He sniffs, rolling over so he’s lying next to you, wheezing and breathless. “You’re so lucky I’m ill. Once this cold is gone, you’re dead.”

———

Tried to make it a bit fluffy, I feel like it probably wasn’t that fluffy aksjsksk enjoy ! <3

[thecynthh]

how about we try that one more time? M.S

synopsis - matt wouldn't stop biting his nails and y/n gotta do something about it

notes - fully matts pov, childhood best friends, just kissiing nothing too mild,

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Matt's pov

i recently became more active on tiktok like nick requested me to be, despite not really knowing how to use the app i started to post next to daily as well as chris and nick. tiktoks of us just jamming out to songs always goes well so i started a little series showing the fans a new song from my playlist every two days while in between those i post whatever im feeling. 

today was the song locked out of heaven by bruno mars

“can i just stay here?”

“spend the rest of my days here”

“cus’ you make me feel like i’ve been locked out of heaven”

i look into my bathroom mirror singing along with the song, doing a little dance when the drums kick in again hearing the crash of the symbols. i’d admit, i thought i looked pretty good, my fit was on point that day and i was really feeling myself. 

sturnl00v3 : matty poo lookin a little too good today 

heartzplusstarz : struggling as a chris girl over here 😔

bernardluvver : living for the slutty waist !!

the whole tiktok replays again for the third time, after hearing it again y/n props herself up on her elbows and says, “god how many times are you gonna watch yourself in that tiktok??” y/n was usually this mean to me but growing up together as neighbors and knowing her all these years made me forgive her for all of it, she was there with me and my brothers throughout everything and we were all used to her “can do” attitude.

her legs were draped over my thighs and her eyes watched my phone intensively. “do you still wanna get kane’s later or do you wanna complain?” I retorted, making her drop back down onto the couch and hold her hands up. “i surrender.” 

i go back to scrolling through the comments seeing a few more. 

sturnz : damnnnn mans looking fine asf 

bluesturniolo : ANYTHING FOR U MATT !!!!

sturnontop : yalls see the outline…..

      ╰┈➤ bluesturniolo : i just know what’s behind his cargos 🤤

lessasturniolo : F ME LIKE U MAD AT ME BABYYYYY 

oh. oh. 

is that really all that they think about me? a shiver rolls through my body and my hand comes up to my mouth as i chew on my nails. a foot hits my hand out of my mouth, i give y/n the nastiest side eye while she looks at me like she didn’t do anything. 

“what the fuck was that for?” i raise my voice slightly. 

“don’t bite your nails you stupid fuck,” she says as a come back, i was unphased when she matched my tone. i ultimately just let it go and continued looking through comments. 

sturnnw0rld : girlies on tumblr gna go insane for this one matt

user92380 : id hit that. 

likelystrniolo : fuck me! please! 

despite what y/n said to me i continue to bite my nails, i didnt enjoy biting them but i couldnt help it. especially with these comments, they make me nervous and uncomfortable. with seconds of actually contemplating, my finger hovers over the delete button. 

suddenly i feel y/n’s body move and she begins to straddle me, uh oh. i stare up at her not knowing what her next move is, she rips my nails out of my mouth and connects our lips. 

i go along with her antics and reciprocate the kiss, she bites down on my bottom lip requesting access to the inside of my mouth. her hands find my arms and wraps them around her body with her arms snaking around my neck, pulling us impossibly close together. 

i put my hands on her cheeks slightly pushing her off of my mouth, our needy mouths disconnected. she gives an exasperated sigh and starts to open her mouth, “nick told me to make sure you weren’t biting your nails cus u guys had a nail appointment, that was the only way i could think about stopping you.” an innocent smile paints her face. 

“if i knew biting my nails could make you wanna kiss me i would be doing it more.” i saw when the same stupid smile bloomed on my lips as well. “so, how about we try that one more time before i start biting my nails again yeah?” 

a/n - christmas/new years present for yalls 😘

[communistkenobi]

in that post abt the gender unicorn graphic, in the comments the idea of the “split attraction model” is brought up and you say you dont want to litigate that. however, im really curious what your opinion is bc i have some ideas abt it too. i feel like its sort of an incomplete analysis? like, people feel different ways about others and that cant really be flattened into like two modes of attraction. but i personally would call myself aromantic and bisexual so obviously i have some level of investment of the idea. anyways i just ask because in general i find your analysis and opinions compelling

thank you! re: this graphic

My issue with splitting “physical attraction” and “emotional attraction” is that it does the same naturalising trick that the chromosomes-as-the-symbol-of-sex does - by splitting the emotional from the physical, this implies that physical attraction is natural, without emotion, and by the same token that emotion can exist completely detached from the physical body of the person you emotionally desire. Like I just don’t think this is true! For example, the idea of “casual sex,” ie sex that is devoid of emotion/emotional investment, is a social construction, it is a sexual act that is being contrasted against societal norms of “serious sex” or “invested sex” or whatever you want to call it - sex that is being done in the context of a monogamous, married relationship, or an otherwise exclusive long-term one. the base social unit of much of western society is the nuclear family, and the nuclear family is “ideally” produced by monogamous, cis-heterosexual, racially homogeneous reproductive sex. That is the norm by which all other sexual behaviour and activity is judged by.

and to be clear I’m not using “emotional” in an idealistic or moral sense, I am not using it as a shorthand for romantic feelings, I am purposefully using the language the graphic is using - I mean any emotion. Like just to be super clear, I’m not suggesting that people who have casual sex all secretly love the people they fuck, or that sex has to always be a serious emotional endeavour, or that people who do not feel sexual attraction to the people they have romantic feelings for are secretly lying, but that I don’t think sex is something that can be devoid of emotionality entirely. Like I think we are engaging in this Cartesian body/mind dualism where the physical acts we perform are somehow wholly separate from our emotional states. Pleasure has an emotional component to it, I don’t know how to articulate my experiences with pleasure that do not involve some level of emotionality, and emotionality has a physical character to it. Like in fact I think this graphic is treating emotions as ideal states - it reminds me of like old misogynistic psychological theory that described rationality as an absence of emotion, that to engage in rationality is to move away from emotion. It treats rationality as “out there,” objective, natural, detached from social influence, and emotion as “in here,” in our hearts, ruled by the social. And this distinction is made on the idea that the social world is detached from the physical world, which is pure idealism.

this is not a dismissal or denial of anyone who feels a disconnect between their sexual and romantic desires, such as asexual or aromantic people - while I am neither of those things, I have experienced intense physical desire for the person I’m fucking while actively dissociating during sex as a result of dysphoria/heteronormativity/etc etc. by the same token I have also felt emotionally compelled to be physically attracted to someone without actually feeling physical desire. These are both emotional states that were in conflict with my physical desires, or rather my physical desires as I understood them at the time. our ability to interpret and understand our desires is itself social! otherwise heteronormativity wouldn’t be a thing. We don’t have unmediated, unemotional access to physical desire, which I think this graphic is arguing, intentionally or not.

so having complicated, contradictory, disconnected, or otherwise ‘non-normative’ relationships to our emotional states vis a vis physical desire is obviously very real, and the reason they are real is because physical desire is also socially mediated and constructed. What and who we find attractive, why types of bodies, physical and character traits, etc are attractive to us are all part of (joker voice) society.

now, idk how you easily communicate this in graphic format. perhaps these things are unsuited to the medium of easily digestible graphics, or perhaps I’m limited in my imagination. either way I don’t think bifurcating emotional-desire-as-social and physical-desire-as-natural is particularly helpful

[windvexer]

Hello! I hope you're having a good day! Feel free to ignore this ask, I just haven't been able to figure out anything myself looking into this.

I have alexithymia, which basically means I can't register my feelings, or vibes in or around me, or do the empathy thing, etc. I can't even register the feeling of tired. Total head blindness. Whiiiiiiich hasn't worked out too great for me trying to get into witchcraft because so much of it is about feeling what you're doing (Energy work is a great example of something I can't imagine working for me in any traditional way) (Visualization is a weird gray area). I haven't really been able to find anything within the realm of witchcraft that comfortably excludes any need to feel. Do you have any suggestions for things that might suit this kind of thing well? (if it matters what I'm interested in, really I just want to explore everything I can to find what suits me) Thank you and I hope you're having a lovely day/night!

Good evening, Anon. I'm not understanding your question, so I think there must necessarily be a disconnect between what terms we're using.

Google is telling me that alexithymia is a disconnection from feeling or recognizing emotions. But the practice of witchcraft, including sensing and perceiving spirits and energies, isn't necessarily emotional.

For example, you describe not being able to imagine doing energy work. But I have been doing energy work for years, and I don't recognize it as being an experience contingent on emotional sensitivity.

If I wanted to raise (let's say) fire energy, I might use a variety of techniques - like growing energy tendrils, accessing/imagining/believing that I am connecting to a source of elemental fire, and using breathing techniques to draw fire energy within myself.

None of these things are related to emotional experience. While I do sometimes experience vibrating/buzzing sensations on my body where the energy moves, I don't always - and experiencing those things isn't necessary for the exercise to have worked.

If you're saying that you've already been trying lots of energy work and you just aren't experiencing physical sensations of energy work, that is IME unrelated to experiencing emotions, and that is something that can take time and experience to unlock (or, there could be many reasons why a person actually working with energy doesn't feel specific physical sensations).

As I work spells and rituals, I sometimes feel frustrated, tired, bored, or whatever - but these disconnected emotions are unrelated to the experience of heavy air, spontaneous visualizations, clairaudience, and so on.

It seems to me that some wires have been crossed about the experiential nature of witchcraft being focused around feeling emotions. The emotional experience can be an important aspect of witchcraft, but it's not as if being in tune with your emotions is prerequisite for charging a candle or talking to spirits.

One way to think about this from a technique standpoint is that emotions are a vehicle which can carry information back and forth between you and the otherworlds.

So, you can receive emotions as a way to pick up on extrasensory information; you can also package information inside of emotions and send them outwards.

But emotions aren't the only vehicle available. You can focus on other methods of sending and receiving information, and it's probably best to start with whatever ways you already prefer to process information.

I'm a very wordy person, so it's easy for me to send and receive information through words. Instead of ~feeling fire energy~ I can breathe focus into a statement, like "I collect Fire from the air around me."

I'm also a visual thinker, so instead of feeling that a spirit is nearby, I may see a flash of them in my mind's eye.

And more often than not, I don't really feel anything during a spell at all, except for a random headache and sudden carb lust that onsets a couple of minutes after the spell ends.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding you, but I'm not exactly seeing the connection between being aware of of your own emotions and practicing witchcraft.

[superspecial-awesome]

s0 queerosexual hcs. for pride month

basically my interpretation of the cast in this regard is that theyre a bunch of annoying queer teenagers who will never discover this about themselves because they live in 1990s japan and all think there's only gay and straight and that being the former is grounds to be beaten in the streets

Yugi: the only one who has his shit figured out. transmasc and bi and he plans on taking that to his grave. he has a strong preference for women though so that part never really comes up. "attracted to every woman ever and one guy i met at a gas station six years ago" disease. also bonus points anzu knows he's transmasc and helped him figure out binding and shit

Miho: huge lesbian but "oh no it's just that girls are objectively more attractive than guys everyone knows that, i just haven't met the right man yet, besides every girl wishes they could date women instead that's why bakura is so popular it's because he looks like a woman." I also like to imagine that in an ideal world, she'd fuck with genderfluidity

Bakura: aroace and agender transfem. he gives me he/it/any vibes. I think partly due to The Mega Autism he never really understood the deal with traditional masculinity so he feels disconnected from manhood as a whole and would be a lot more comfortable being able to exist as something entirely detached from gender. I also think the swarms of girls at all times made him view women as some sort of other species entirely and he's got a lot of deep-rooted misogyny going on about it, but tbh anzu and miho could fix him. and make him into the vague girlthing he always was

Anzu: Idk what label to slap onto her but I don't think physical appearance or gender plays any role in her being attracted to people at all. maybe like demiromantic asexual. but i dont think demi is the term im looking for. definitely ace though.

Honda: "WOW I LOVE BEING A MAN I LOVE WOMEN AND RULES AND ORDER I DON'T AT ALL FEEL LIKE I'M CURSED TO FIT MYSELF INTO A BOX THAT'S TOO SMALL FOR ME" and he believes that wholeheartedly and then wonders why he needs to constantly prove himself over things that don't matter to avoid his mental health crumbling to dust. I don't think he's trans though I just think he needs to chill out. also he's bi and poly and the single most useless hopeless romantic ever.

Jonouchi: bi but i think his refusal to accept that as a possibility has made him very aware of a lot of other things he has going on psychologically. like his homophobia has somehow made him a more self-aware and chill person. "honda put his hand on my shoulder for more than 0.5 seconds and my entire nervous system took a screenshot does this mean im g--wait no im just touched starved huh i wonder if that has ever impacted my poor decision making in the past." also him being used for the cartoon standard "guy wears girl clothes and likes it" joke is grounds for me to hc him as genderqueer. I could absolutely see him getting really into fem presentation.

Yami Yugi: gay gay homosexual gay

Kaiba: transfem in the super dysphoric way but will absolutely never find this out because any time she becomes remotely aware of something bothering her about herself she just looks in the mirror and says "no." i also wanna say arospec and aspec but idk she's fully either. i think if i wanted to give you an accurate idea of how attraction works for her i'd have to pull up the homestuck quadrants and i'm not joking.

Yami Bakura: agender is a way that's like "dude I'm a ghost in a ring who cares." If you called him a she he'd be like "what" and then after you got two words into explaining he'd go "nvm I underestimated the amount of shit I don't give about this." His sexuality is no time for dat goku

[stateswscarlet]

Good morning Scarlet, I hope that you're doing amazing!

First of all, I wanted to thank you for all the amount of time you put in explaining the law to all of us and seeing all those success stories, we all know how good of a blessing you are in our life.

So, I've been working on manifesting my ex back for a few months now, more than a year actually, and it's kinda embarrassing to me. I'm naturally a visualizer and have inner convos, but when envisioning scenarios like us hugging, holding hands, and being together again (what I've always done before knowing the law and being in love with him) it feels too good to be true, even if I have a deep understanding of the law conceptually. I know part of this process involves letting go of attachment to the 3D and recognizing that my outer feelings (anxiety, fear) and thoughts (how will he change his mind, he doesn't love u anymore) don't define my true self (the inner man that is being happy and in a rs with him). However, despite this understanding, I still encounter challenges when I attempt to engage my imagination regarding these scenarios. I often feel unfulfilled or disconnected from the vision of us being together.

Furthermore, I've been feeling doubtful about all that lately. Different sources offer conflicting advice - some suggest focusing on feelings, while others emphasize decision-making. I've even studied materials from authors like Edward and watched Tom Kearin (BSW), and while I understand the concepts intellectually and have applied them before with success, I haven't seen significant movement. The only time I experienced progress was when I wholeheartedly believed in my ex's return, even if I wasn't necessarily thinking from the end (focusing on the 3D aka he is going to come back). However, now, as I try to embody the version of myself with him already, I'm starting to lose faith in the possibility of him changing his mind and coming back. Have you ever experienced a similar struggle or doubt in your manifestation journey?

I feel maybe my issue is linked to the "feeling" that I do not understand, do you have maybe some recommandations in terms of source, or YouTube channel or else ? I feel like I'll never succeed in this specific manifestation while I succeeded in others for instance my job and travels... it was so hard for me too bc for more than a year I was jobless and so focused on that, that one day I decided I am going to get a job no matter what and not thinking from the end and it happened while I didn't focused on how I felt, I wasn't like "I need to feel I'm already employed", so I am lost in all of that ..

thank you so much for the kind words!

“working on manifesting my ex back” im really hoping you only worded it like this for simplicity sake to tell me, but please stop identifying with manifesting (at all) or seeing anything as a process bc there is NO PROCESS. there is no work to be, no point A or point B, and no one is coming “back”.

the reason you feel disconnected is because you’re still dominantly believing the 3D as a fact/seeing it as unchanging/dont understand youre SHIFTING TO A DIFFERENT REALITY/STATE and not changing the current one. figure out which one. in other words, youre being accidentally 3D oriented.

“i havent seen much movement” excuse me? wym movement? eradicate that word from your loa vocabulary please theres no such thing as movement. do you HAVE IT OR NOT?

stop looking for more material. no coach or video or book can change how you feel internally if youre just looking for results and refuse to completely drop the outer man and their reasoning.

your sp isnt changing his mind, you SHIFT TO A STATE where you and them are together. the one in the current 3D is NOT the one youre in a relationship with nor will ever be, you have to fully drop that version of him.

if just deciding you have something fulfills you, then so be it. do whatever you enjoy.

[qpenpals]

First of all, support Shubble and support all victims (which is a statement that while said a lot, seems not be followed as frequently, however i hope those who read this abide by it)

Second, I don’t support wilbur soot/william gold, and I don’t think that anyone should after this.

Third, while this situation is not about me, i have feelings and opinions about it that i would like to share, but even if you don’t read anymore,

Please watch shelby’s vod, and maybe try checking her content out, because while i don’t frequently watch her, i enjoy her streams and maybe you will too! her new hardcore series sounds great :)

This is quite long, but honestly this is kind of just for me to collect my thoughts, however if you read to the end thank you<3 im touched :)

ALSO ABUSE TRIGGER WARNING

Alright, so I have loved wilbur soot’s content for a very long time, 4 years or so. I watched the streams and listened to his music from the start. His content is entwined with many of my fond memories.

Earlier today, I had a breakdown over this whole situation, because, as I’ve been quite busy with school, my job, and other assorted things in my life, I found out about this morning. I had woken from a nightmare about my previous abuser. Who i will be talking about a lot more of as they really impacted my views on this situation.

However this nightmare had left me in a fragile mood, my girlfriend was still sleeping and i didn’t want to wake her, so to comfort myself i went to read one of my bookmarked fanfictions, this fanfiction, while i dont remember the title is one that i’ve found comforting for a very long time, so much so that when im stressed my partner has it saved to send to me so i can calm down.

It was a fanfiction about quackity and tubbo, wilbur soot was mentioned maybe 5 times, and the author had deleted it.

This caused me to try and find out why, so i went to their page and they had posted a temporary fic explaining what had been going on.

My first reaction had been disbelief, I then went to research everything. It was a lot to process.

I watched shelby’s vod. Before this i had mainly been disconnected from what i had seen, taking it it but not with any of my own feelings or thoughts really, just processing.

Shelby’s situation hits really hard for me because a lot of it mirrors my own abusive relationship of a few years ago. The wording Wilbur used against her, sounds like what my old partner would use against me. His actions, such as her having to clean and taking care of food, and amenities, were things i had to experience.

Abuse TW:

My old partner would physically abuse me through biting as well, he would claim that he just liked knowing i was his, and yet, like shubble, if i ever used our safe word, which happened so fucking often, he either wouldn’t listen, bite down harder on my neck, or fucking smile at me before letting go.

This got to the point that multiple times he had drawn blood from my neck, that i still have scars from today. And as i watch Shubble talk about her story which is ever so close to mine, I wonder that if I had watched this before, maybe i wouldn’t have stayed in that relationship.

I proceeded to stay in this relationship for 2 years before i realized how much harm he was doing to me, because i truly believed he loved me, because of all the lovebombing he would do.

End of Abuse TW:

And yet i felt pain aside from sympathy or memories, when learning of this, as the content Wilbur had put out had actually helped me out of this relationship, his music was pretty much all i listened to the months of healing after i got out and it helped, the art is good, and yet the author is one i cannot respect nor support in anyway now that i am aware.

i’d suggest watching this tiktok by @lasmanburg that really explains my thoughts and feelings on this

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTL1tb5Wg/

Right back to the content. I don’t believe that we should throw it all away, i don’t think that people should be deleting their art, fanfiction, or anything based on Wilbur. Because in the end it’s all art that we have created and interpreted and though the man who inspired it is horrible, all that has been made does not reflect his actions, but instead love and creativity from vast multifaceted community.

One can continue their writing and work because they are the ones creating it, not him, and besides most interpretations of him stray quite far from the source anyways

I think that one can continue to engage in his content as long as one does not directly support him, such as pirating his music, but personally at least right now listening to his music which brought me so much comfort-makes me feel sick. So think i’ll be taking a step back.

I don’t really know how to end this, i just needed to get my thoughts out honestly. I have therapy in an hour. I hope all of you who’ve made it to the end have a wonderful day and drink some water. I wish shelby well, and i’m glad she has been able to share this situation. And with that, I must now leave :)

[7nsomnia]

can i ask, what’s wrong with dcc? i always hear that they kinda suck as a company, but from the vlogs i’ve seen, they’re one of the better companies. i’m not really as into dreamcatcher as some of the blogs on here even though i consider myself a stan, so i might not have the right information

okay. I feel like this is like opening my personal pandora box so this might be long. I'm pretty tired today so apologies in advance if this isn't very coherent asdkjh

dcc are a pretty decent company on a surface level, they treat the members well (which should be like the bare minimum for any company but I know that in this industry that's something to genuinely praise) and they actually change according/respond to negative feedback from the fandom etc when they or the members mess up (or they used to anyway).

for me it started in 2020 and how they handled handong's return. like the way they handled her absence was fine (good even, I would say), but the lack of hype for her actual return made things feel so underwhelming even though it was supposed to feel like a relief that she was finally back. I can't remember all the details anymore, but I do remember that the first time I felt like things were actually alright with dc was when they did the online concert crossroads in march of 2021. on that note I think most ppl were expecting ttol and dlm to be repackaged with ot7 versions and yet it's 2024 and they still haven't released them.

the handong stuff atp is water under the bridge tho, the group is fine, the members are fine, etc, I'm only mentioning it because that's when things started to feel really off for me.

so now we get into the actual things that happened that have left the fandom feeling burned out/frustrated/disconnected etc etc, whereas this happened to me at the end of 2022, I'm seeing more people now going through what I did back then:

I think the most pressing thing was that dcc didn't capitalize at all on dc's first win. they got their first win in april 2022 and didn't even do anything special in korea to commemorate it. it was a HUGE moment and they did nothing with it. usually after a group gets a first win you'll see them getting more promotions in korea, magazine photoshoots, mc deals, etc but dc just went on ahead to do festivals in europe and have a usa tour, these things are not bad but it was the lack of promotion in korea that in turn just made it all feel useless. that year dc also weren't invited to any end of year awards if I'm not mistaken so it all felt really disappointing and like all of the work we had as a fandom had been for nothing. I have to reiterate, dc/insomnias had been getting screwed over on music shows since 2019 with deja vu to get that first win, like I don't want to talk about the injustices the group and this fandom suffered through the years but it was a true story of resilience, so getting that first win in 2022 was a huge relief. to see it all going to waste was just... heartbreaking honestly.

when it comes to tours...... god I don't wanna get too much into it, but 4 tours in the usa in the span of 2 years is not normal. specially when they're prioritizing that over having a proper asia tour and the likes (AND promoting in korea??). latam tour is practically sold out rn and they're getting no merch or m&g benefits like the usa tour. I don't think doing exclusive things for a specific tour is bad per say, but you have to treat all your fans semi equally at least, specially for a group whose fanbase is majorly international (this will be important later), or it will happen what is happening rn which is ppl will leave the fandom. This is the first latam tour since 2019 (2017 for brazil!)... they've waited a really long time so personally (even tho this doesn't affect me bc I'm european) I feel like it's really disrespectful but wtv, onto other things.

now, speaking of the fanbase being majorly international, if this is the case, you'd think the company would make an effort to stream important events to their fans, like hmm the 7th anniversary concert perhaps? but nop, that didn't get streamed. a repetition of the dumbassery they did in 2022 where they split the concert and the members' solos in 2 days and only streamed one and so intl fans couldn't watch half the solo stages? and don't get me wrong, I think it's important that they have events that are korea only like they have the fansigns etc, but something as major as their 7th anniversary? when they've gotten here thanks to their international fans? that stings a little.

and lastly (maybe), we have dcc's usual lack of promotion during comebacks. fans always paying for ads, intl fans always doing the most for digitals even when it's Not their place (because this is smth that the korean fandom and dcc should be responsible for), fans having to reach out for vendors etc... Justice cb truly has been the culmination of the very worst promotions dcc has done tho and there have been some really bad promotions before... no radio shows, minimum interviews, barely any variety... were there even any ads? usually it's always fans paying out of pocket for ads. it just feels like throwing the members' and the company's work out the window for no good reason? Virtuous is one of their best albums and yet it feels like they just dumped it to go on tour again. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing btw, having short promotions in korea is fine but like... promote for real? give your fandom content that they can watch and rewatch for however long it takes your group to have another cb? specially now that it seems that they're shifting to one album per year (not sure this is their wisest decision tho all things considered), you have to make sure that you promote that album properly? which kinda also goes with like, giving your fandom enough time to save for what you release and put out, specially if you're not trying to grow the fandom anymore. if they're dropping an album then don't announce a tour on top of that, and if they're announcing a tour then don't announce a photobook on top of that, and if they've just released an album then wait longer than a month to announce a photobook, and if they've just dropped a photobook then wait a bit longer until announcing the re print of albums the fans have been begging you for 6 years to re print LOL bc all this does is frustrate fans who can't make that much money in such a short time and it's stupid. like. in 2018 I dropped like 200 euros for like their very first photobook BECAUSE I had time to save that amount from their you and I cb (may) to whenever it was announced (I think it was august), and that was the highest tier (so you could get it for much cheaper) and bc back then it was like. well they barely release anything other than albums, so it's fine (also shipping was sooooooo much cheaper I miss it everyday, ofc this is not their fault tho but anyways).

lastly actually, oh my god. that stupid ass app where fans pay a subscription to message the members privately? has been the fucking worst thing to happen to this fandom and the members imo. if fans weren't respecting their boundaries before, it's even worse now. but it's also like. yeah the members should be reinforcing those boundaries, and I get wanting to at least make a buck of those problematic type of fans but I just don't think it has been good for the members at all. I won't elaborate too much on this because it will genuinely piss me the hell off but bottom line: that app has been hell for everyone genuinely there is no bright side to it other than dcc makes money out of it. and there's better ways to make money :))))))))

anyway this is over 1k words atp and somehow I feel like this all just the tip of the iceberg and I probably have forgotten many things bc tbh in the past year I've just. been trying to make peace with it all and just accept things for what they are because dc have been really special to me for such a long time and I just don't want dcc's decisions to make me throw all of that away (like I almost did). I love their music, I love the members, and so I will continue to celebrate wtv right decisions dcc makes but I'm not going to pretend that they're a good company when it comes to business decisions bc they're really not

[naumin]

on creative daydreaming

are u daydreaming lately? about what?

daydreaming about my stories and characters used to be a big part of my creative process, but for a while ive felt pretty disconnected from them. i wonder if its because i dont have school deadlines or a job where i stare out of the window commuting or idling rn. when i do have time when my mind wanders, i find myself thinking a lot about my life, what i want it to look like, disappointments ive had, achievements ive made. it does feel like my imaginary friends arent picking up the phone. maybe im a normie now?

ppl i talk to talk about being bored or being stressed to shit as conditions that spur creativity. theres a big emphasis on playing dolls as escapism. i have a lot of stress in my life, like anybody else, but somehow playing dolls doesnt rly seem to hold the magic it usually does. im very used to using stories to explore difficult or negative emotions ive experienced, but somethings not quite connecting now. i also know u cant rly draw or make art when ur sick or lacking some needs, its a delicate balance, so maybe im too sick and needy rn.

i still draw and i enjoy it, its the imaginary friends that i miss. i try not to chase down inspiration, i try to play coy and let it come to me when it wants. i read a lot of things and watch a lot of things, though its getting to the point in the calender that im starting to be like, hello, when will it come back?! i miss that fun and that natural unhindered exploration.

i should also mention that huran enki is turning 6 this year, and all projects hit a wall eventually. i find myself interested in new themes, characters, and settings, though making progress w them feels glacial. maybe im comparing a project in its infancy to a project thats walking and talking and its not fair.

anyway, i havent lost hope yet, and if u have or havent i wanna hear about it.

[e17omm]

So I finished act 1 of part 2...

The storytelling is really, really, really bad.

We dont explore the Dreamseekers hometown. We barely know the Dreamseeker at all. We are introduced to way too many character and we do not spend any time with them. What in the world does Vita and Lambda's scenes add? I am genuinely curious what purpose they have. What do they add to this story right now?

I still barely know Coralie or Helia. Sena I can pick apart more personality than those two, but at the same time I feel extremely disconnected from the Dreamseeker as a character.

Holy shit I can just imagine how theyre like for a new player. Those two are complete unknows at the end of act 1. What do we learn about them? That theyre A-rank Schicksal Valkyries? A new player has absolutely no idea what those mean. Outside of surface level stuff, I dont know them at all. I barely even know their personality or how they think about each other.

In terms of story, we just go in a circle, and I have no idea why any of this matters AT ALL. The fact that the story starts 3+ months AFTER Coralie and Helia land on Mars is THE WORST DECISION THEY COULD HAVE MADE.

WE JUST NEED THE CONTEXT FOR "what's normal" FOR THE REST TO INSTANTLY BE BETTER.

Litrerally if we started with just Coralie and Helia going to Mars and exploring it for a bit, I would have very few issues with the story so far.

Part 2 is like starting part 1.5 after Seele is already in the Sea of Quanta.

Part 2 is like starting part 1 after chapter 9.

Part 2 is like starting HSR after already going to Jarilo-VI.

Part 2 is like starting GI without the intro sequence.

Coralie and Helia going to Mars is that missing intro context.

Part 2 so far has been a fever dream.

It makes me really sad. Because if this was my first experience with HI3, I would have dropped it by now.

I want to hope this has potential. I'd hate to drop HI3, I'm too attached to it, but this has been a really bad start. It doesnt even have a hook! What should I care about when everything is strange and I don't know what to wonder about? I'm wondering about everything! I'm confused! I don't even have a baseline because nothing from part 1 carries over to part 2! They dont even have the benefit of having a part 1 to their story! And that's fine - if part 2 sets down a new baseline but they skip over that part because Ooh cool city andhokyn.,kbg nmcl sdklo THEY USED TO WRITE SUCH GOOD STORIES! IM CRYING PART 2 STARTE DIASO HDkjnkjhvgb

i really wanted this to be good. i really wanted to like this, i wanted a new story to invest myself in.

im actually breaking down. out of all the ways hi3 has made me cry, having a shitty start to part 2 is not the way i thought i was going to cry today

they didnt lay any groundwork at all. what the fuck?

part 1 lays down more groundwork in its intro cutscene than part 2 did in the whole of act 1. at least we had some idea as to whats going on back then. i can barely tell the personalities of all these new characters.

coralie and helia going to mars could have fixed so much. why didnt they just include that part?i dont get it. the rest isnt even that bad if we just had any groundwork at all. add coralie and helia going to mars and cut out the vita and lambda scenes because part 2 really does not need more new characters right away, and part 2 wouldve been a lot better already.

[milkbreadtoast]

random but-

i feel happy bc i finally have a korean name now... i recently found out-- Well actually that's not true. i found out about it 5 yrs ago, that my grandma came up with kr names for me and my older sibling (our legal names r english bc parents thought itd be easier ofc)... but at the time i had mixed feelings about it (and i couldnt even speak korean at all back then so ig i felt more disconnected from it... and i wasnt sure if it was feminine or masculine or neutral. In fact I was worried it was feminine...). So I like... kept it on the side but never used it... I tested other kr names too... (but tbh TT i know there's no reason to but i always felt imposter syndrome while testing those names out... plus i knew i had a more "legit" kr name so why am i recklessly choosing another name... i know i'm(and everyone is) allowed to do whatever i want but yea just couldnt shake that feeling/lowkey guilt)

ANYWAY long story short i talked to some korean friends (as in from korea, not kr am like me) and they told me that my korean name is not only gender neutral but it's shared by a popular well liked male celebrity so it kind of has a masculine image... OH??😳 anyway this is perfect for me... and the more i think about it and say the name to myself the more i like it hehe. So I decided I'm gonna start using it from now on..!! (this. isnt rly relevant for here bc im gonna keep using my nickname/alias "fluff" on the internet for anonymity anyway but. I just wanted to talk about it hehe) 앞으로 많이 쓸게!!!

And I like this korean name better than the other ones I was testing tbh... I think it has a nice ring to it... and I don't feel imposter syndrome with it bc like a relative(my grandma!!) DID pick it out for me... so it feels more "legitimate"... and it doesn't feel like im settling for it either bc I genuinely rly do like the sound of it now skfjskjd. And I'm grateful for that kr celeb for giving the name a masculine image... I FEEL LIKE I LUCKED OUT? ANYWAY KOREAN IS GREAT THANK YOU FOR HAVING SO MANY GENDER NEUTRAL NAMES <333

sidenote but the (new) kr friend who told me this info abt my kr name, i havent come out to them so they told me that it has a masculine image even w/o knowing im trans and desperately want that... so they just mentioned it as a fun fact... so i feel like i can trust their words bc ik theyre not just saying that to make me feel better dmcndm