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girltrick · 10 days

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can you talk more/explain the p2 grooming dynamics i feel like i get it but dont at the same time

omg yes cuz i legit love discussing those kind of dynamics im just rlly bad at like putting all my thoughts together into words so it might b messy and missing a lot

but like STRICTLY in a non RPF view, pete is a 20/21 year old who meets this 16 year old who autism his way into a friendship with joe. He is auditioning to be in a band with the two of them and Pete, for some reason, has vivid recollection of the outfit he wore that day. Sees this kid play the drums and somehow bullies the kid into singing for him. Patrick is very firm that he does not sing, doesn’t feel comfortable with being the singer and wants to be the drummer. But somehow pete is able to convince this poor insecure kid into being the frontman (kinda) and even gifts him a hat to help with his uneasiness of being front and centre.

Their friendship is filled with stories and little details about how Pete would behave quite inappropriately with Patrick, (who he met as a teenager and was just a young adult) like making several lj posts where he jokes about loving patrick, wanting to have sex and all the stuff teenage boys like to joke with each other. In other posts, he likes to baby patrick, treating him like this little child who was dropped upon their hands for pete to care for. (very weird switch between dynamics) They have lots of fights that are physical and even live together for a bit where there is also a lot of insane stories abt (pete just being generally gross and the infamous peep hole door thing)

I think something extremely telling is the song Saturday, a song Patrick wrote for himself and kinda didn’t want on the album but the group needed another song. The song is about feeling like a failure, graduating high school and how scared he was. The song has two verses where he mentions him and pete. (as pete was a dropout college student) I can’t even put into words how crazy it is for a high school kid to be writing about being scared about the future with his grown adult friend but anyways.

Patrick becomes a very important person in Pete’s life and very quickly. From being Pete’s golden boy to his best friend. He shares entries about how he suffers from insomnia and when he does, he calls patrick to hear him sing. He convinces patrick’s mom to allow him to go on these tours that require him to spend months in a crappy van, where they would also attend parties and sleep with girls for a place to stay. Patrick even shares a story where he felt himself connecting with a girl when pete came over and interrupted their conversation, making the girl guess both of their ages. He proceeded to then dogpile on patrick and literally just embarrass him, ending with the girl hugging patrick and telling him that his bassist is cute, again typical behaviour of teenagers. But it’s even more like eyebrow raising when you remember Pete isn’t a teenager. He would be close to mid twenties during this.

Even to this day, the way pete talks about patrick is like so intense and deep, saying he would think about his life before patrick and cry. That his lyrics don’t make sense until he hears it come out of patrick’s mouth. Patrick has even gone to say that he felt like his life purpose was to be a messenger for pete, that he couldn’t write his own lyrics because he needed pete’s lyrical style. These are both men who literally have wives and kids!!!

There’s even a story that Patrick skipped his own prom to play a show, which for Patrick prob felt like the coolest thing in the world. But essentially the band stuff was basically becoming Patrick’s whole life, the time he wasn’t at school was spent working on their music, practicing, playing shows. Who wouldn’t feel burnt out, depressed and like their life was hurling towards failure.

I think people put too much emphasis that it’s typically rpf people making these comments to realize that grooming isn’t entirely sexual/romantic. The pure definition of grooming is just gaining a minor’s trust and friendship to exploit, abuse, manipulate or use them. People like to ignore that pete wentz is a literal groomer, having dated literal teenagers in his twenties, have been called extremely manipulative and had some of the most toxic relationships ever. Even if patrick speaks extremely fondly of their friendship, the behaviour and actions shown by pete are pretty concerning and also like eyebrow raising as someone who has dealt with A LOT of groomers. (Haters will say i’m projecting)

Sorry if this is super rambling and kinda nonsensical at parts, i’m like barely awake and currently on a bus LOL but like tbh i could be entirely projecting so like maybe take this very lightly

#p2 #ps #pw #my first ask!

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mieux-de-se-taire · 8 months

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To the End - MCR Interviews

89.5 WSOU Radio Interview - 6/7/04

6:12-6:41

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Gerard: Let's do track 3 "To the End." Interviewer: Track 3 "To the End" Gerard: Yeah, I'm psyched, this one's like very cinematic, kinda tells a story 'bout marriage and a lot of weird stuff that I had never lyrically written about before, so I'm kinda psyched on that one. Interviewer: So where was the inspiration for this from? Gerard: (Either forgetting or unwilling to admit that it's based on the short story "A Rose for Emily" by William Faulkner) Um, no idea. It just-- yeah, LA. It just kinda came out. When we wrote the music, it was just like-- it had this really great like dance feel, which we had never tried ever, and I was just like, "This is so funny, let's put some really messed up lyrics to it."

Trouble Bunch Music Interview - Aug 2004

Paragraph 12

Interviewer: In 'To The End', why does the elevator only go up to ten and would you feel okay getting off on the thirteen floor? Gerard: Well, I felt that picking a lower number would be like 'I can't get high enough' so I had to pick somewhere around ten. I felt like I just needed to get higher; like the top just isn't good enough. I think that's kind of a metaphor in how we feel and how we operate as a band, that the top isn't good enough since that's not what we're after. It's not good enough for us because we want to make a difference and actually change things. We don't just want things thrown at us. But I've gotten off on thirteenth floors. They make them right?

Kerrang Interview - Aug 2005

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Gerard: Without Blur we never would have had songs like 'You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison'. I saw 300 people start crying when they played 'To The End', which is a song title I ripped off of them.

MCR Forum Interview - 10/30/10

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Ray: Planetary (GO), which has a different energy, but it's something that we've always tried to write, but we never did one hundred percent. If you look at a song like "Vampires Will Never Hurt You," it has a little bit of that. It doesn't have the electronics in it, but it easily could. And "To The End" on Revenge has that kind of like disco *drums on leg* 16th note hi-hat thing in the verses.

Grammy Museum Interview - 1/26/11

7:19-7:34

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Mikey: On each of our albums we'd always come like a centimeter closer to writing a full on dance song. And even back to like "Vampires Will Never Hurt You," it's kind of-- Ray: Yeah, it has that vibe for sure. Mikey: --good dance to it. And then, um, "Sharpest Lives," uh, (quietly, not into the mic, holding up 3 fingers) what was the other one? Ray: "To the End" Mikey: "To the End," yeah.

Two Minutes to Late Night Interview - 8/15/22

8:05-8:54, 46:42-46:54

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Gwarsenio Hall (Interviewer): Like "To the End" Frank: Oh yeah Gwarsenio: "To the End" are, like-- "To the End" and-- Frank: I'm pulling up the track listing by the way Gwarsenio: "To the End" and, uh-- I'm so sorry-- song number 2 on the record, start-- they both have these like-- Frank: Oh, "Give 'Em Hell Kid" ... Gwarsenio: Like, I listened to it, and I was like-- there's like The Stooges and Queens of the Stone Age shit on this. Even in "To the End," the little (vocalizing) "do do do do." I'm like, "This is a Josh Homme riff right here." Frank: (laughs) Which is funny because I don't feel like anybody was listening to Queens at that point. I don't know, was-- when did Songs for the Deaf come out? Gwarsenio: '03, probably, so you guys might have been-- Frank: Oh really? Alright, so maybe right around there then.

Gwarsenio: What song do you think would make like a fun, like, drag queen lipsync? Frank: I'm thinking-- I think the danciest song is "To the End," right? It has the most vibe to it, so maybe "To the End."

#mcr #my chemical romance #three cheers for sweet revenge #revenge #to the end #interviews #song interviews

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ofmermaidstories · 2 years

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hi merms! i hope this doesn't come across as weird or anything. i'm a student stuck at home in a less than ideal living situation and am kind of going through a hard time. your blog just brings me so much joy and i scroll through it at the end of every day because your little updates and doodles have such a warm presence. it's just very lovely and comforting and i wanted to thank you for being a sort of safe harbor.

Oh Anon. I’m sorry; it’s hard when you don’t have immediate options. ☹️ They will come, eventually, but in the meantime you are doing so well. It’s not easy to stay afloat!!! And sometimes we have to because if we don’t it makes things worse but I think you are doing wonderfully, even if it doesn’t feel like it. You’re so clever for doing school!!!! It might be a hard slog but those options it will give you—they will be golden. 🥺 And I hope they mean nothing but freedom. 🌷

In the meantime, my little love, would you like some inane prattling? It’ll be like we’re facetiming, kinda!!! I guess it’s super one-sided though but uh… let’s pretend anyways. I actually fell asleep last night watching a tiktok live (lmfao) of someone just walking around their city—it was so relaxing, but the next thing I knew I was waking up at like, 2am and the live had ended and tiktok had scrolled me onto a foreign news… channel streaming?

Speaking of tiktok: I saw a really interesting video about someone talking about Mariah Carey re-releasing this secret soft-grunge album she made in the 90s? She’d spend her days like, recording her pop album—the money maker—and then spend her nights with a handful of people writing and recording the grunge album and I dunno—I really admire that! Like, beyond admiring Mariah in general for just being an artist, it’s fascinating hearing about people like—burning the candle at both ends in the pursuit of something creative, you know? I kinda touched on this in my last ask, I guess, but it’s such a luxury to be able to do that (in a way—Mariah was eventually found out by her record company and her controlling husband, neither of which wanted her to make or release that album, so then she got a friend to do the vocals for it and released everything super secretly, like that). But beyond Mariah’s specific case, it’s just—I dunno. I admire the drive to do whatever you need to make that one thing that’s eating away at you. Writing before work, during it if you can—after, when you should be making dinner or sleeping. Humans are so funny. I love it so much (sometimes).

I got the two books I had on hold at the library out, today! I wore my romance novels t-shirt, which was unintentional, but hey at least it was thematic. The problem is is that I think I have been too optimistic about my willingness to devote time to reading, LOL. Where did this hunger come from??? Oh my gosh, no, Anon, listen—if you could do one thing without failing, one thing that would work out perfectly, what would you do? Because I was thinking about this today, right, when I was in the library and looking at books and mulling over how I would answer your ask and I think I would run a little bookshop. Booktok is a plague but it’s also shown that if you give people a genuine community where they can like—talk about things they like (or don’t) and recommend stuff to each other, it like, just seems to remind people, and introduce people, of/to the wonders of reading??? And if I knew I could run a little business without it like tanking and taking me with it, then—I’d have a little bookshop!!! Just a tiny one!!!! Order enough of the popular titles to bring in people, and then throw in some newer authors that sound fun, and then some obscure things. And have romances novels—so many!!!

We have a little bookstore in town and sometimes I like to pop in and browse it—the woman that works there is very sweet. She wrote and self-published a book about how much she loves her horses! But we always chat (she always asks me about the book that I was writing, when I first met her—although I’ve updated her to the fact that we’re writing anime-boyfriend fanfic now LMAO), and about a month or so ago I was in there and she was like, “Don’t panic, but I have to close the shop because I’ve promised next door that I would work their til for them, so I’m going to close the door and if you need me, or you wanna leave, just come through the closet!”

The closet, it turns out, is this actual, teeny tiny skinny silver of space—behind a bookcase. You just pull the bookcase forward and viola! There’s a little corner corridor that leads into the toy shop next door. It’s absolutely magical. I was completely euphoric—I had an entire bookstore to myself, for as long as I wanted: just me and all those books, and then when I left I opened a secret passage that let me into the toy store next door. Like!!!! It was delightful. It makes me laugh. I love knowing that it’s there. I love that little shop. It has a little table in the middle of the store with a vase of flowers, where they arrange books for display and the whole place is brightly lit and behind the counter they have a rack of wrapping paper. 🥺

I dunno, Anon. 🥺 If I could make things easier for you, I would. The very least that any of us is owed is safety and security and a place to thrive. You’re doing well, Anon. And this won’t be forever, no matter what the hardest days try to tell you otherwise. 🥺 You are doing well and you are okay and if you want something silly to distract you then I will do the same thing for you that I’m doing for our other Anon, beforehand—I’ll save up whatever fun or thought-provoking thing I can find and bring them to the table for our pseudo video-chats. 🌷📱💕

#ofmermaidstories-asks #you’re a good egg anon and i am *willing* the week ahead to be good to you 🥺💕

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riainceol · 2 years

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Kemrit - Track by Track

Deeply concerned that the amount my Id runs my music is going to be unavoidable if i write in depth about it but let’s talk about my debut EP.

First off we’re gonna define an EP, what makes an EP different to an album? For me there’s generally two things. Length and cohesion. Kemrit is not a cohesive record, so it’s not really a representative of what I’m writing. It’s a collection of moods and vibes, basically. It’s also less than 7 tracks. 7 tracks is iffy but if it’s 8 or more, by my standards we’re veering into album territory. I know that traditionally an EP was made for a 6” or somewhere between rather than a 12” but honestly… it’s 2022.

The artwork is a photo of the inside of my jeans pocket that my phone took by accident, but I thought it would be funny to use it as artwork, I also thought it would be funny to name it Kemrit. “Hello, Kemrit thee forg here!”.

I’m giving away all my secrets.

The idea was basically, I’ve written this stuff and I need to get it out. So it was a very soft release. But I’m still happy with it.

In the Bleak Midwinter.

I wanted to write a song that was about the White Wall of Whale. I love Moby Dick, the idea that Melville tries to push in the book, that not only is Ahab’s revenge ultimately destructive, of himself and his crew, but is also pointless, as all creatures are equal and nature doesn’t care one way or the other because we’re part of it, had a big impact on me. The motive behind this track was, let’s write a song about dying in the snow. It interpolates Carol of The Bells and it’s just good riffage, but very simple.

I tend to want to do more. You don’t have to, it’s kinda better to be more quick, centred and simple with music but I have these stupid fucking standards for my own stuff. This song kills live though so my standards are clearly wrong.

Uisce (Water)

A lot of my inspiration is from nature. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but Ireland is a fucking beautiful place. I’ve grown up not far from the coast, and have always loved the sea. Uisce was inspired by the push and pull of the waves on the shore. I deliberately kept this simple, along with the other more atmospheric track on this EP. I was having an issue about trying to force it, lyrically. Thankfully that’s not as much of a problem, especially when I write heavier stuff. But I wanted to make a mood more than write songs.

The Hound

This is the weakest song on the record, I’ll hold my hands up and admit it. I got too in the weeds, I didn’t do a good enough job with the vocals and the production and I got too enamoured with the lead lines but this is a LEARNING exercise. We’re gonna fuck it, it’s okay to fuck it.

I wanted to write a one note riff like Lamb of God and ended up writing a fucking weird abnormal time sig Tool style riff instead. That should have been my first clue. I like wolves, I like the idea of wolves as both an animal and as a metaphor for dissidence. We used to have wolves in Ireland, we kept them as pets the same as dogs. In part of Cromwell’s efforts to “tame” Ireland he killed them all.

I don’t think I would play this one without some major rewriting.

Oíche Maith (Good Night)

This was the first full piece of original music I’d written in 8 years. I wrote this piece of music looking out the window at nature and the sunset, and decided I was going to just do my own music again.

So here’s the thing, I WAS recording covers. Here’s one of them.

https://on.soundcloud.com/LVLA6S9rZ9cgawsD7

I had been playing covers in 2019 acoustically and I wanted to have some recordings I could point to and say “hey this is how I am, these are the kinds of versions I do” but then the pandemic happened. And it was like, “you can make music, it doesn’t have to be songs, it could be a mood, something as simple as this.”

And so I did.

I’ve never played this out but it’s only because I haven’t got the right setup for it. I love this piece.

Ashes.

I never got to learn Irish in school. Due to circumstance and stuff like that. I grew up in the north, then the nature of my schooling kept me from having lessons (there are plenty of people in the North who learned Irish in school). I have always been bitter about that. You might have noticed that I’ve been working on that somewhat. But this song is about my anger and my impotence about my native language.

My native language is an unfamiliar tongue. As it is for anyone who doesn’t come from a native family or was raised and schooled in Irish. That shit fucks you up so bad.

I could never write verses so I ended up butchering the Our Father as Gailege, and drowning it in effects to represent the distance to the language I felt. That might change in the future, both the way the song is written and my relationship to my language. But this was a big cathartic song for me and it’s the one I’m most proud of on the EP. Even if it’s not where I’d want it to be now.

That’s a track by track on my first EP. It’s been fun looking back at these with a bit of distance, thanks for coming along with me for the ride.

#long post #I posted this via mobile I don’t know how to do a read more

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hospitalterrorizer · 3 months

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diary280

6/23-24/24

sunday - monday

we have to go out to a friend's birthday tomorrow so i am doing an all nighter.

it's going. well or bad, idk, i'll see how i feel tomorrow i guess, i feel crazy and loopy right now though.

i did some more work on the cover art, got the text sorted i think, which is really fun, and i got a new gimp plugin to make text along path go way smoother and that makes me very happy, it makes it a lot more fun to work w/ so i'll probably fool with that more. i also got a new font, the one used in this:

#swawg

i also wrote another song today, it's just fun to write stuff. i need to write words! i actually need to get some stuff together for publication soon, almost forgot about that, can't forget about that. the only thing holding that back is i need to get a bio written and i feel like it needs to be like, kind of professional or like, not professional, just not so casual i guess. idk. i guess what do i actually think people need to know about me? like, nothing, i want to be nothing, just words on the page. maybe i should just take the one i used in ergot again? i might as well try honestly. 'nothing in particular,' is accurate. there's no detail worth transmitting really. i guess it's bizarre to do that while writing a diary. it's really just that there's a gulf, or not a gulf, but it feels like a gulf, it's a strange geology in my life, there's nothing here other than everything here, it feels like a lie to not talk about the everything, so if i can't, i must admit that there's nothing else other than the activity of living, that's all i care about anyway, or it's what i feel tethered to, all warmth is from the friction of that.

it's just weird. nothing in particular is all that feels applicable.

ok, i need to just sleep, it's 8 pm now and i can hardly keep my eyes open or think straight, i'm like, getting weird visions. i guess i hope i have interesting dreams come out of this or something.

i just watched this video by frog power where he ranks all his albums and talks about them a bit, but he privated the vid. i really liked it though, i was gonna post it here. it's funny how he talks about his music sucking, or thinking it sucks, what i've heard doesn't, and one album he says is average i think is really special. he is a truly strange man.

one thing, is not sleeping makes me feel super super super ugly. hopefully sleeping now won't make me wake up too early or i can just go back to sleep. wwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. i did want to do more on the cover rn kinda but i don't think it'd really be wise to start trying to do a figure drawing rn tbh. that might drive me insane.

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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drunkjaked · 2 years

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Happy birthday!!!! We're the same age now omg!! I hope you've an awesome day!!!! I'm actually on a trip right now with my brother so I'll make sure to order some cake to celebrate! I'm sorry about your presentation, it really sucks when you don't do as well as you want 😔 but I'm happy to hear about the guy that's so exciting and he sounds nice!! my classes went well but I'm kind of upset because on one of my final papers I got a way better grade than I deserve and I feel bad for people who tried. I wrote it like half an hour before it was due and actually missed the deadline by a couple minutes so I had to email it to my professor but it was less than half as long as it was supposed to be and didn't have a conclusion and I didn't use actual evidence it was just really bad but I got an a??? And like I shouldn't complain but I will I did not deserve that grade >:( I'm really happy with my necklace, though!!! It's so so pretty and I would share it with you if I could :( I'm not really doing anything for the holidays, I get back from my trip right before Christmas but my older brothers won't be able to come to celebrate with us like they usually do 😔 but we'll call them so it'll be okay. I hope you have fun with your family!!! I'm so dependent on my family idk what I'll do when I move out >.< I actually graduated this semester so I'm done with school?? And I'm starting my career?? Wild. But I'm planning on traveling so I'll have to get used to doing stuff by myself -_- I totally understand about the spotify wrapped I wish you didn't have to go through all that to get the stats and could just see it cause it's a little much. My top artist was Beyoncé because her new album is so good and I can't stop listening it's on loop and my top song... was misery business... I honestly didn't think I listened to it that much but I guess I did. The Disney specials weren't that great now, I really just watched them for the nostalgia but phineas and ferb holds up well I actually watch it a lot... I can match every song to its episode it's kinda sad... but it's fun! Marianne was a really weird show it's about this author whose haunted by some witch demon ghost thing it's really good but it's also super freaky so you probably don't want to watch it... my favourite genres are horror and rom coms which I know is kind of an odd match but idk I've always liked them and they have their own separate appeal 🤷‍♀️ and omg you're going to Paris??? That's so cool!!! I'm actually going next year! Have an amazing time and tell us all about it!!! I think that's everything so have an awesome day!!! -💕

thank you 💕 for the birthday wishes, i truly appreciate it and im glad to be age mates now !!! my day was awesome indeed thank you so much :DDD i hope you guys are having the best time and if you do end up ordering cake i hope it’s the loveliest yummiest cake in the world ⭐️⭐️⭐️

i have this one friend who’s been studying abroad and i haven’t seen him since september when he left but he came home to surprise me for my birthday and i literally cried so hard it was so so so sweet and i really appreciate him :’))) it sucks he had to go back yesterday though it was great seeing him anyways <3

it was a design project where we had to design and present our idea for a housing estate and i did well in terms of my part of the design and other things i contributed which i’m happy about !!! just sucks i didn’t express it well enough on the day but it’s alright :))) he is really sweet, he ended up calling me to say happy birthday and then we spoke for like 20 minutes about random stuff and caught up a little which was really so so lovely .. sigh

you got an A??? that’s SUPER impressive on it’s own but especially considering the time frame you had !!! i definitely understand that aspect of feeling bad but it’s over and done with now so don’t beat yourself up too hard ! congrats anyways :DDD

the necklace is gorgeous honestly, please wear it enough for the both of us hahahahh - you are so sweeeeet !!!

sorry to hear that your older brothers won’t be able to join you though :( it’s good that you guys will be able to call and chat though and i hope you have a good time nonetheless ! and at least you’re on this trip with your one brother :)

i actually moved out for my first year but i had to go back home because of covid and everything and i remember being so worried about being away from my family but it’ll be easier than you think when you do end up moving ! don’t worry too much about it

AND WOWWWWW YOU GRADUATED??? wow wow wow CONGRATULATIONS THAT IS SO SO MAJOR IM VERY PROUD OF YOU 🥳🥳🥳 and i definitely feel that about finishing everything up.. if everything goes well i’ll be graduating in the summer which is just.. insane to think about – though im looking at applying for a postgrad so i’ll have a little more time :p

wishing you the best of luck in the world of work when the time comes ! i believe in you 110% :DDD travelling will be so so so much fun ugh my older brotherwent travelling a couple years back and had the best time so i’m hoping the same for you if you’re able to <333

i actually haven’t listened to her new album yet.. any stand out tracks i should look forward to? OHHHH MISERY BUSINESS oh my gosh i used to listen to paramore all the time that’s so awesome of you wow

phineas and ferb oh wow i remember loving it so much, such a good theme song as well, AND THAT IS NOT SAD i think it’s really cool actually, i hope to rewatch and be as well versed as you someday :) and wow marianne sounds .. terrifying. but i’m glad you enjoyed it !

do you think there’s a market for horror romcom hybrids because rhat would probably be super interesting.. do you have a favourite romcom?

and oh my god yes i am .. i genuinely can’t believe it :ooo i’m going with my best friend and i’m so so so excited for everything we’ll experience ! extra special because it’ll be our first overnight trip together so im hoping to make the best memories in the world and i’ll for sure talk about it forever and in detail i think 😭😭😭

so fun you’re going there too, i hope you have the best time and i can’t wait to hear about it !!!

i hope you have an awesome day too thank u so much and again 🫂🫂🫂

#💕 anon #saxophonist 💌🫀

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asterlark · 3 years

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ok. samwell college of music au. i wrote all four years let's go babey

eric bittle is this lovely southern tenor (sounds kinda like mitch grassi or ben j pierce) who posts covers (& sometimes originals, but always with neutral or no pronouns because he can't post anything that says he or him ☹) on his youtube channel and has major stage fright but is very talented; he also plays ukulele

he got into samwell college of music on a voice scholarship and his dad doesn’t exactly approve but eric was never the 6′2″ masculine football player he wanted anyway so why not go for his dreams

he auditions for the very competitive samwell men’s contemporary chorus (there’s like 20 choirs; chamber choir, jazz choir, a cappella groups (lax bros do a cappella), combined choirs, etc- smcc does contemporary pop/rock music) and while he’s very very nervous and shaky as he auditions, directors hall & murray see a lot of potential in him (with major grumbling from student director jack)

(the rest of this ridiculously long au under the cut)

the group is small, for a chorus, because the point of the group is not a wall of sound but a focus on all of the very talented guys’ voices coming together in these gorgeous harmonies and basically they’re like one of the best choruses on campus and all the male singers want in

so there’s jack zimmermann, who of course eric knows because everyone knows who he is, he’s the son of bob and alicia zimmermann, both incredibly talented and famous musicians, and basically those genes were in his favor because he’s mega fucking talented

(jack was supposed to sign a recording contract to be in a band with his best friend kent parson when he was 17 but something happened between them and the pressure was too much and jack overdosed on something- there’s so many rumors no one knows what’s real- and kent signed solo in LA & went on to win grammys for his albums about a mysterious ex and jack disappeared for a few years to be a counselor at a music camp and reappears at samwell, knocking everyone’s socks off again like he’d never left, except with a renewed vigor and intenseness that freaks everyone out)

jack is a contemporary writing & production major, freaky talented and sings like a modern day frank sinatra, and he plays like 20 instruments and can read music like breathing air and writes songs like if he stopped he’d die; his music is folksy and mournful and he plays all the instruments on his tracks himself- guitar, piano, strings, drums- it sounds like a full band but nope. just jack. he’s intense

“we all get nicknames in this choir,” justin informs eric on his first day, “we’re those kinda guys.” so he’s bitty, which he finds vaguely offensive (bc he’s not that short!) but still cute, & the rest of the group is introduced to him:

“shitty” knight (voice like colyer) is a musical education major and an enigma of a singer with this awesome, earthy, raspy voice that’s really interesting to listen to and a very.... unique style & look; he writes cheesy but shockingly good raps about social justice topics and he will sing-lecture you if you’ve said something offensive (he also plays banjo)

justin “ransom” oluransi is a music business & management major with an angelic voice you can’t help but listen to; he’s sultry and has an incredible range and does runs like nobody’s business (with a voice like daniel caesar or leslie odom jr UGH)

adam “holster” birkholtz is a voice performance major, wants to be on broadway and it’s all he ever goddamn talks about basically, he’s a belter and has a lot of charisma and starpower and he’ll charm the pants off of you within one note; can also play piano and irritates everyone constantly because his regular volume is like a level 11 (voice like the frontman of my brothers and i combined w/ x ambassadors lead singer)

larissa “lardo” duan is at the local art institute because performing arts is not her jam and she’d much rather paint; she’s a barista at annie’s and supervises open mic nights and keeps the annoying choir dudes from driving away all her patrons

“i’m not even in your dumbass choir,” she says when the group gave her her nickname. holster just told her that she was an honorary member and then started sing-shouting a song at her about how good she is

bitty’s first year is hard because he’s talented and he works hard but he shies away when anyone asks him to sing outside the group and like, he can sing to a camera by himself but being on a stage with everyone looking at you and the sole responsibility of the song on your shoulders is terrifying and no thanks

jack does not. understand this. he’s been performing practically since he came out of the womb and he doesn’t really get performance nerves (what he gets is anxiety about how he did after he gets off stage that follows him home and makes it so he can’t sleep) - so he bothers bitty about it constantly like “you just need practice, you just have to sing by yourself a lot and then you’ll get over it” which like.... that’s true but it’s also hella scary and bitty’s like “no thanks!!!!”

but jack’s annoying and intense so he makes bitty do open mic with him every saturday night and it’s going okay and bitty loves his choir and loves his school and these new friends he’s making and he finally feels comfortable enough to come out to them during his second term

then during their spring choral showcase at the end of his freshman year bitty has a solo and he’s worked really hard on it and he’s feeling good- okay he’s completely freaked out but he’s trying to feel good- but when he gets up on stage there’s so many people and the stage lights are so hot on his face and he flips out a little and maybe he passes out from anxiety and stress right on stage and it’s terrible and he’s so embarrassed and ashamed that he ruined their set at the showcase

of course jack blames himself because “we shouldn’t have given you a solo before you were ready, i misjudged it, i’m sorry” - and they all feel kinda bad bc holy fuck they didn’t know his stage fright was that bad like they didn’t know someone could pass out just by being anxious to sing

he practices all the time over the summer and goes to his local open mic at jack’s insistence and it actually helps a lot because instead of a sea of strangers judging him it’s a bunch of people he knows and they’re all smiling at him and when he finishes his song they cheer for him and it boosts his self-confidence a lot

his sophomore year they have three new members- chris ”chowder” chow (voice like ieuan), an excitable music education major with impressive rapping skills, derek "nursey" nurse (frank ocean or leon bridges type), a songwriting major who can also play violin and guitar, and will ”dex” poindexter (like tom west), a production & engineering major who tried out with chowder bc he needed moral support and didn't expect to get in but impressed the directors with his voice

the year’s going pretty good, bitty’s still pretty scared of singing alone but more confident now and the open mic nights with jack haven’t stopped, so he’s getting better. and one night they’re hanging out at annie’s after closing waiting for lardo to be done so they can walk her home, and bitty suggests that jack sing with him one of these nights, and jack says he doesn’t know any of bitty’s songs and bitty says they can write one together half jokingly but then jack is like “yes.” with that Intense Look

SO they get together a couple days later in jack’s room at the house they all live in together (bitty moved in at the beginning of the year after previous smcc member john johnson called him- how’d he get his number?- and told him he could take his room if he wanted), jack with his guitar and bitty with his ukulele, and it’s a little awkward until bitty says jack should play him one of his songs

and, okay, he doesn’t really know what to expect because the only music jack ever released to the public was that one single he did with kent parson when they were 17 so bitty doesn’t even know if he has anything to play him, but he does- he starts playing these soft, sad notes on the guitar and opens his mouth and sings about being lonely and scared and unsure, about false starts and shaky ground and not knowing where you stand with someone, about expectations and lying awake at night and wishing so hard you were someone else, and bitty watches him sing and just kind of... realizes he’s head over heels for this boy and internally Freaks Out a little

he tries to put that aside and they start to write this song, at first it’s weird because jack’s like “all your songs are love songs i can’t really relate to happy love songs” and bitty’s like “listen... i’ve never even had a boyfriend i just write a bunch of sappy love stuff because it’s not about me it’s about whoever’s listening to it, they’re gonna project their own experiences on my music anyway so it doesn’t matter if it’s my real life or not” and jack’s like “alright while fake af that’s smart and i respect you” (what bitty doesn't say is that he writes about what he really wants which is to fall in love & be in a happy relationship)

they say they’re just gonna write this kinda vague sad song but they both secretly write lines about their actual lives so it ends up being really personal and real and raw for the both of them

they sing the song at open mic that saturday and the crowd at annie’s is never that big but they’ve never got a standing ovation here before, and some girl shouts “MAKE AN ALBUM” (it may or may not be lardo) and they both blush furiously and bitty’s like “... that was really nice, jack” and jack’s like “... yeah it was good good job you’re really getting some confidence out there nice work” (bitty: “THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT AAAAH”)

around this time jack’s really thinking about what he’s gonna do when he’s done at samwell, talking with his parents and his agent and looking into different record companies and deciding if he wants to sign with anyone or possibly start his own company- the head of a small company called falcon records in rhode island has been talking to him a lot, and jack talks to bitty about how he thinks it’d be nice to start small, and the record exec georgia and the producer marty had both been really nice and welcoming, and bitty’s so happy for him but also just... sad that he won’t be around jack every day after he graduates

THEN at a haus party celebrating their win of a local choral competition, who shows up but none other than pop star kent parson to Ruin The Fun

bitty sees the way jack pales when kent walks in, notices them disappear upstairs together and feels a little sick worrying about jack but chalks it up to the highly alcoholic concoction shitty and lardo had cooked up but nonetheless decides he’s sick of the party and goes up to his room and hears.... a little too much

and YIKES he’s standing right there and kent parson, pop star, two-time grammy winner, is looking a little rumpled and staring right at him and he puts his hat on and clears his throat and snaps at jack- “hey. well. call me if you reconsider. but good luck with rhode island. ...i’m sure that’ll make your parents proud.” and jack’s shaking, and bitty doesn’t know what to do but jack goes back into his room and bitty’s just kind of standing there like What The Fuck

so.... he kind of stews over winter break but tries not to think about it too much and he and jack text a bit and jack tells him to practice and bitty’s like “oh, you” and jack’s like “im serious” and bitty’s like “>:( it’s christmas”

spring semester starts and they're doing well in competitions and they go to semifinals and then finals for a prestigious collegiate choir competition and the pressure is mounting but they all are so optimistic and really feel like they're on the same page and bitty’s confidence is better than ever and then.... they don't win

jack especially takes it very hard, but then he also has signing to worry about, which everyone helps him with and he decides to sign with falcon records and start work on an album after graduation

speaking of graduation, shitty and jack graduate and it's hard for them but harder for bitty who feels like he's losing jack in a way, he knows how intense jack gets when he's making music and it doesn't feel like he'll have any time for bitty anymore so when they say goodbye bitty goes back to the haus and listens to his and jack's song and just cries

but, like in canon, dadbob has words of wisdom to impart and jack has an "oh" moment and races across campus to kiss bitty

they get together and the next few months are spent with jack working nonstop on his album (which tbh, he'd had many of the songs written already so it's mostly recording and producing) and texting bitty constantly and coming to visit him and playing him demos of all the songs

jack also asks bitty if they can record the song they wrote together & have it as a bonus track on his album & bitty says of course, so when jack visits they set up an impromptu studio and record vocals in the guest bedroom and this deeply personal song they wrote before they were ever together means so much more to them now

and bitty is so happy but so scared and sad too because jack is playing him these songs telling him "they're all for you bits, & a lot of them are about you" and he just doesn't know how he's going to keep all this love inside even though it feels like jack's career is at stake

he tries to shove it down and stay strong though, especially since he's now an upperclassman and they're taking on new members- connor "whiskey" whisk (voice like finneas or the male singer in valley), a music business/ management major who seems to hate bitty's guts and tony "tango" tangredi (like chaz cardigan), a jazz composition major who astounds everybody with his endless questions but also his ridiculously impressive composition skills & naturally perfect pitch (he can also play saxophone??)

i want ford in this au so fuck it she is a composition major with dreams to write scores for musicals and she stars training as a barista at annie's (aka training to corral the smcc)

the pressure of it all proves to be a lot and bitty and jack have their hi, honey moment where bitty's like i can't be this deep in the closet!!! and so they tell the smcc and also jack's label that they're together and that eases things a bit

jack's album comes out to much critical acclaim and shouting in the groupchat ("#1 ON ITUNES BRAHHHHH!!!!!!!!") and several months later, when smcc has already been eliminated from choral competition in an earlier round, jack is nominated for SEVERAL grammys including best album, song of the year, and best new artist

when the time comes he takes his parents and bitty on the red carpet which, everyone keeps being like "who are you here with jack?" and he's like "my family and my good friend :)" and yes it is awkward

jack wins... all three awards. it's the comeback everyone is stoked to see and when his third win is announced, he and bitty are so elated that they kiss before he goes to accept the award

his speech is basically just "um... wow. thank you. i just kissed my boyfriend on live tv. this is amazing and i'm so humbled. i'd like to thank my boyfriend and georgia and marty and my parents and my friends and my boyfriend"

obviously the press has a FIELD DAY with this but bitty & jack are honestly vibing and so happy that it doesn't matter untiiiillll bitty's mom calls and he has to tell her "mama i'm gay and i'm going on tour with jack this summer okloveyoubye"

the last few months of bitty's junior year pass quickly and he's voted student director which is a huge honor considering how much he struggled with stage fright and confidence & how he'll now be stepping into ransom & holster's shoes

r&h and lardo all graduate (the smcc basically crashes the art school graduation and all scream when lardo gets her diploma lmao), which is a bittersweet occasion and they all do a bit of tearing up

that summer bitty goes on tour across the u.s. & canada with jack and his touring band (snowy is a bassist, tater is a drummer and poots does backing guitar, he also brings nursey to play violin on a few songs) as well as georgia who's there to manage logistics

and tour is so fun & chaotic with many bi and rainbow flags in the audience that end up thrown on stage and draped around jack's neck and they spend so many nights in the bus drinking and laughing and fooling around on the guitars and bitty's uke and exploring new cities bitty has never been to before and it's the freest bitty has felt in a long time

summer ends though, and jack leaves for the uk/europe leg of the tour, and with the new school year brings a few new members- river "bully" bullard (voice like gregory alan isakov), a music therapy major who draws his own cover art for his songs, lukas "louis" landmann (like jr jr), an electronic production and design major with a penchant for EDM, and johnathan "hops" hopper (like keiynan lonsdale), a film scoring major who wants to write music for movies and video games

bitty meets and befriends some of the other student directors- shruti, sd of the women’s contemporary chorus; sharon, sd of the chamber choir; and edgar, sd of jazz ensemble (even chad l., sd of the all-male a cappella group)

senior year passes similarly to the comic; coach visits and sees one of bitty’s competitions, jack comes to madison for christmas, smcc does well in competition and goes to regionals etc

however… bitty keeps putting off and putting off gathering the songs for his senior recital

he has a hard time doing that because he’s so focused on the group and making sure they’re performing well and as they advance in competition, everything else starts to fall away

eventually the rest of the smcc has to lock away his uke and change his youtube password and FORCE him to choose songs for it and start preparing because he cannot graduate without doing this recital and doing well on it

he chooses (of course) a beyonce song, a few of his own songs, an ellie goulding song, and an adele song

with all that his breath hitches and his hands shake before he goes on stage, he does really well and his voice instructor prof atley tears up a little in the audience as does his mom

meanwhile smcc goes to semifinals, then finals, of the national collegiate choral competition they participate in

and i imagine bitty faces somewhat less homophobia in this au because i mean, he’s in the performing arts, but i think it’s still there and he also faces a good amount of classism from richer students and performers who think they’re better because they had the resources and money to be performing professionally from a very young age, and he has been practicing via filming himself on a shitty camcorder and posting it to youtube

but they still get there! and the national finals are fucking HUGE and a big deal and a little overwhelming

bitty’s stage fright is Present because this is the biggest stage and the biggest stakes he's ever had and he has a big solo in one of their songs so if he fucks up, he fucks up a national championship for his whole group and school

luckily though, when he steps on the stage with his best friends and sees his boyfriend and family and smcc alums in the audience and they perform their first song, a high-energy pop medley that always gets the crowd going, everything seems to melt away and it's just him living in this moment and singing his heart out

when it gets to the next song and his solo, he forgets to be nervous and belts it out, getting screams of approval from the audience when he finishes

(dex and nursey do have a duet together that they had to practice for many long nights in the practice rooms alone but that's neither here nor there)

their time on stage seems to last both hours and no time at all and then they're done, the crowd gives them a standing ovation and it's at least 30% r&h & shitty's hooting and hollering and jack's enthusiastic clapping that makes bitty & the others beam with pride

then it's just waiting, giddy and nervous beyond belief in their green room, for the judging to be over

after what feels like forever they're back on stage, arms linked together waiting and hoping for their name to be called and it is, they win and it feels like years have built up to this moment, and bitty tears up because years ago when he was fainting from anxiety at having to perform in front of people he never could've imagined that he'd do this, that he'd be the student director that led them to a championship

they get the trophy and a ridiculous amount of flowers from their loved ones and they all are just in giddy disbelief that this is happening, they're national champs!!! they are the best choir boys in the nation!!

they come home and the rest of the school year passes by so quickly that it's very suddenly graduation and bitty can't believe his college career at samwell is over 😢

(he and ollie and wicky take pictures together, o&w talk about how excited they are to devote full time attention to their band & wedding planning and bitty's just like wait you're gay??)

bitty got plenty of offers from record companies but he likes his freedom of creativity and he has a built in fanbase from doing youtube all these years so he decides to make an album independently (jack helps him produce & master it 🥰)

when bitty's album comes out about a year later, full of bops about being gay and in love and having struggled but come out the other side more confident than ever, it doesn't get any grammy nominations- and he didn't expect or need that.

what it does do is it resonates. it makes the rounds in youtube and queer internet circles; people his age reach out to him saying this is the music they wish they had as a kid and kids reach out to him saying he's a role model and they're so glad to have his music to listen to. his album is written about as an underrated gem that shines with queer brilliance and is sure to start a party when it comes on.

his parents may not fully understand the road he's chosen for himself but they're still so proud and promote the album as hard as any of his loyal fans (especially the one country-inspired song on the album that he wrote and dedicated to them).

and jack, jack who saw this album from its infancy to its release date, who took the film photo that ended up being the album cover, who worked with bitty to make sure his vision was realized exactly how he wanted it to be, is proud beyond words.

jack starts using his semi-abandoned twitter again to tweet "stream [album name]" every day and bitty retweets them sometimes, with just a "this boy. ❤"

and they're happy. they're good. they have come so far and they are reaping the rewards of all the hard work they put in to make the music that they truly love.

the end :)

#check please #omgcp #samwell college of music au #mine #my writing #eric bittle #jack zimmermann #omgcp fic #check please fic #zimbits #uhh idk what else to tag #this fucking thing is like 4.1k words i'm-#i hope you enjoy it (and reblog it!) bc i've been working on this for literal years #i know i'll never actually write it as a longform fic so here's a bullet pt fic instead #pls let me know your thoughts i have so many things to say about this au

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omegalomania · 3 years

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I think tumblr ate my ask or it just didn't sent but what are your favorite Bastille songs / what are some songs you recommend?

i did NOT get this ask im very sorry anon.

it's genuinely hard for me to narrow down cause bastille is pretty up there in terms of favorite artists. i love all their shit, but a special mention goes out to their second studio album wild world since it's the one that made me a Fan

uh so here's a primer i guess i spent too much time on this lmao.

if you wanna listen to their big hits:

flaws - their first single in the uk. if you ever listened to ship playlists on 8tracks in like 2013-2015 then you've probably heard this song or a variant on it at some point.

pompeii - this is the song that really put them on the map and you definitely know it. it dominated the charts all over the place.

happier - the marshmello song that you've definitely heard before too. i think bastille wrote this for justin bieber or some shit but then decided they liked it too much to give it to him? lmao. anyway if you're not digging the version you hear on the radio all the time i recommend trying the stripped down version

good grief - their big hit off their second album. big in the uk, didn't really make as many waves elsewhere, but it's a really solid song anyway. one of those "upbeat tunes that's actually really fucking sad" ones

things we lost in the fire - another one off their first album. if you live in a wildfire area this might not be one to turn to. or maybe you'll find it cathartic idk i certainly do!!

quarter past midnight - a song about escapism, as was fitting when it was released in 2018 and equally fitting now. running away for a night of fucking around with friends, craving any kind of brief departure from the chaos of the modern world

skulls - this one was not a hit or a single and is technically a bonus track but i'm including it because once again if you ever clicked on a ship playlist on 8tracks in like 2013-2015 you've heard this one. and you know what that was justified this one is also good

if you wanna feel existentially depressed:

their whole discography. i mean i kid but i also don't. that's just kind of how bastille does it. BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS ones that hit me in particular would beeee

two evils - kind of a grim, haunting one introspecting about morality of the self.

oblivion - musing about the afterlife, love, and how time changes all of us.

those nights - contemplating what it is we seek when we plunge into reckless escapism, and the inherent loneliness of it; how even when surrounded by people there's still the pressure of the world outside, continuously coming to pieces

the draw - this one was written about the pull of pursuing a career in music vs. staying home with family and friends. in a broader sense, it can apply to a lot of things. i always felt it resonated with feelings of paranoia and displacement

winter of our youth - discusses childhood, nostalgia, and regret. if it feels like everything's slipping away, is it easier to relive the past, especially if the past is tinted rose?

sleepsong - loneliness, desperation, and the cyclical, abyss-like nature of all it encapsulates

if you want discussion of serious topics:

final hour - a bonus track off their second album that also became a bonus track off their third album? anyway this song talks about climate change and gun control. happy stuff

doom days - this one talks about, uh, everything! doomscrolling, political divides, escalating national tensions, climate change again, etc.

the currents - a song centered on political rhetoric and the power that figureheads have over the masses, the way they can orchestrate hate. basically it's not so subtly aimed at donald trump lmao, dan's literally sung it as much in a few live settings

WHAT YOU GONNA DO??? - social media addiction and the way capitalism and corporate interests have annexed our online experiences, fighting desperately for our attention as they seek to monetize every available aspect of our lives

four walls (the ballad of perry smith) - well this one is about uh. perry smith. who was charged with the death penalty for killing 4 people in the late 50's. but it's less directly about him and more a discussion of the morality of the death penalty and capital punishment

snakes - burgeoning anxieties and the impulse to turn to easy outs, like ignorance or alcoholism, to escape the world's global problems

if you want some pop culture sprinkled on top:

icarus - greek mythology. i like this one because it addresses something that i feel isn't addressed enough in discussions of this myth, which is that icarus is a very young lad. less about the pride of the fall, and more about the inherent tragedy of that.

laura palmer - the whole song is a david lynch shoutout. i've never seen twin peaks myself but the song still slaps.

daniel in the den - christian mythology. discusses the biblical tale of daniel in the lion's den and links that up to themes of betrayal and family.

poet - this one's a double feature, referencing both william shakespeare's sonnet 18 and edmund spencer's sonnet 75. also one of my favorites.

send them off! - this is another one of my favorites of theirs. it's also been described by dan as "othello meets the exorcist" and it very much delivers there

if you want something uplifting:

joy - while bastille (understandably) has a bit of reputation as a band that makes sad music about sad things, they've definitely got some happier songs in their catalogue. pun intended cha ching. this one's one of their more straightforwardly happy tunes

survivin' - this was a song they wrote while they were touring and then felt weird about releasing once the panini hit because it felt a bit on the nose. they ended up releasing it anyway and i am so glad they did cause it's a mood

act of kindness - the "happy" part here is debatable but i'm gonna include it anyway. it’s when someone does something nice for you and that impulse Changes you way down deep you know???

warmth - one of those "the world's going to shit but at least we have each other" kinds of tunes

the anchor - one of those "the world's going to shit but you're the one fucking thing that's still keeping me here" kinds of tunes

give me the future - their latest single as of this writing and one of the more optimistic tracks in their catalogue imo! it's yearning, but it's also with a genuine hope for the future.

and LASTLY. because im going to take every chance i can to plug this band. im going to throw some collabs and covers at you because there's one thing this band does SUPER well and it's collabs and covers.

of the night - this is the big one. it mashes up rhythm of the night by corona and rhythm is a dancer by SNAP! and it's so good they still do this one live and it goes off every time.

no angels - a mashup of "no scrubs" by TLC and "angels" by the xx, poured into a strangely mournful tune with clips from the hitchcock movie psycho. doesn't sound like it should work but it does. kinda really does.

torn apart - with GRADES and lizzo no less!!! it's got two parts but they're both excellent listen to them both

weapon - collab with angel haze, dan priddy, and F*U*G*Z and one of my absolute favorites

remains - remix of their song "skulls" but featuring rag'n'bone man and skunk anansie that adds an entire new dimension to the song, really fucking excellent

old town road mashup - lil nas x's old town road meets lizzo's good as hell meets radiohead's talk show host meets talking heads' road to nowhere meets the osmond's crazy horse. "what the fuck that shouldn't work" i KNOW and yet here it is!! BLATANTLY BANGING!!!

we can't stop - one of the few times dan smith subtly changes the lyrics of the song he's covering (most of the time he opts to keep the original pronouns and the like, which is very nice to see). anyway this one mixes miley cyrus's we can't stop with eminem's lose yourself and billy ray cyrus's achy breaky heart. and also the lion king's i just can't wait to be king is there. yes i know it sounds batshit especially because the whole thing is surprisingly melodic and heartfelt and you know what it works.

anyone but me x nightmares - mashing up joy crookes' anyone but me with easy life's nightmares and absolutely one of my favorites.

bad guy mashup - how many songs can they include with the word "bad" in the title? we've got bad guy (billie eilish), bad decisions (bastille), bad romance (lady gaga), and bad blood (taylor swift). bastille even has a song called bad blood and they didnt use it. they used taylor swift's version. also the distinctive guitar riff from dick dale's misirlou is there.

somebody mashup - how many songs can they include with the word "some" in the title? someone like you (adele), somebody told me (the killers), somebody to love (queen), use somebody (kings of leon), and someone you loved (lewis capaldi). seriously these guys take mashups to a new level.

final song - this is a cover of MØ's final song. it also adds in craig david's 7 days and, impossibly enough, europe's final countdown. how does it work. how.

ALL RIGHT. THATS ALL IVE GOT IN ME. HOPE THIS HELPED ANON AND IM SORRY IF THIS IS TOO MUCH

#askin hours #anon #bastille #ill put this in the bastille tag why not #this is predominantly a fall out boy blog but if any bastille bloggers are out there....all like 20 of you....#i see the work u do in this fandom and i love u for it

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kornito · 3 years

Text

SOURCE: https://korngiant.tripod.com/kornisgoodforu/id10.html

Dead

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

All I want in life is to be happy", it's that simple. People say that it's become their own anthem. It's like whenever I start to feel good, something comes and takes it away and I feel like I'm nothing again, like I'm dead.

Falling Away From Me

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

The song is about domestic abuse and that there ways to get help whether it's telling someone or calling a help line, there are ways to get out of those situations. Noone has to be treated like that.

Trash

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

"Trash" is about how I threw my world and everything out. I threw her away. I threw my old self away. It basically comes back down to the sex thing. The battles I did on the road, this whole album is what I went through because I was on the road and I went crazy.

Beg for Me

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

"Beg For Me" is more of an angry thing because the whole thing for "Beg For Me" is the crowd. The only time I was good on tour was when I walked up onstage and that's what the song is about. Feeling wanted is something one thing I've always needed. I was shuffled around so much when I was a kid...Being up onstage was the only point was the only time when my anxiety would go away for an hour.

Make Me Bad

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

I need to feel the sickness in you" ... It's spawned from f**kin', basically, from having sex. That's where that line comes from, but it means a whole bunch of things to me. "Make Me Bad" was about the battles I had being on the road, being married and being with other women. I'm not married anymore... beause of my lifestlyle, and I just couldnt do that to my wife anymore. So that ended. But does it make me bad that I have a dick and I have f**ken other feelings to be with other people? Why should I be with just one? It seems like human beings are genetically engineered to procreate. Thats what we do, f**k everything, and that's what our natural insides want to do. It is hard to find someone like that. But she was a good woman and I didnt want to keep on... I did the right thing, I was a man about it. It was better for me to tell her and let her go on with her life and find someone who could help her and be like that. So that song was spawned by that, does it make me bad to want to be with other women? In a sence it was my only drug, why... because I dont drink anymore, I cant drink. I've been sober for a year. I dont have any other vices. So at least doing that could be something.

Hey Daddy

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

"Hey Daddy" where I was schizophrenic and there were these voices telling me to do sh*t... To kill myself, basically. Daddy is one of my nicknames, so its like I'm talking to myself the whole time. It's hard to explain.

Dirty

Song Meaning: Jonathan

"I feel like a fucking whore to record companies." "You know how it is...the way we are used and marketed." "How they make all the money off us and we don't make shit!" "The only way we make money is to go out on tour and sell merchandise" "Basiclly we write all the music and turn in and they make all the money." "So I feel like that and also I feel like a slut cuz I'd go out at night and fucking girls and so I said fuck it, I'm going to do it. The only way to escape is to have sex." "Its all kind of different issues."

Its On!

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's On is my sh*t peer pressure song. Me being so stressed out going out and partying. Everybody's just going 'Come on dude, it's on.' That's partying, it's alcohol, cocaine, women. All that wrapped into one. I wrote a song about it. And the chorus I talked about Why am I really doing this? It's all my fault that I'm doing this because all the alcohol, the booze an the chicks do is just make it worse. They just rearrange all the problems in a different order that I can deal with at that moment.

Freak on a Leash

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

One of the best titles I've heard ever for a song. That's my song against the music industry. Like me feeling like I'm f**kin' a pimp, a prostitute. Like I'm paraded around. I'm this freak paraded around but I got corporate America f**kin' making all the money while it's taking a part of me. It's like they stole something from me, they stole my innocence and I'm not calm anymore. I worry constantly.

Got the Life

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That's a song baggin' on myself. How everything's always handed to me. How I look up to God and don't want this anymore. Like I want something more out of life than all this. And I've got everything I really need but I sometimes don't like. I don't know how to explain it. I have to let it sit through the songs more to actually get into what I write. I truly know, really, the meanings of the songs almost. That's what I'm getting out of it right now.

Dead Bodies Everywhere

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That was the song about my parents trying to keep me out of the music business. My father was in it and he knew how it was and I totally understand now that I have a son. I want Nathan to be a musician but I him don't want him to go through the hell I went through. That's the same thing my Dad was doing. A lot of people can relate to it, because it's like the Dad's wanting their sons to be football players and their sons want to be doctors or something. That peer pressure its like trying to make them something they're really not. And the Dead Bodies thing is like so I did it and all I got out of it was dead bodies everywhere and got all traumatized. Thanks a lot Dad, Mom.

Children of the Korn

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That's the song that Ice Cube is on Cube came up with the title. I fed off of what he wrote, he was talking about growing up and puberty. Dictating what he can do, like how you gonna tell me how to live and who to f**k? And all this stuff. And I took that and in my stuff I was talking about being a kid always known as the f**kin' town faggot. It's funny how things change. That some of these people picked on me and all of a sudden look who's laughing now. Also in another of the verse I talked about all these parents f**kin hating me for what I do, saying I'm corrupting their children, but in turn these parents need to step outside of themselves and really listen to what I'm talking about. Then I think they can understand that they were kids before. They're just really quick to judge me. All the Children of The Korn are all our Korn fans. All those kids going through that sh*t and feeling what I feel.

B.B.K.

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Big black cock! That's what I call a jack and coke. Those little glasses they serve in Europe and everything. That's what I named it, big black cock. And that's another song about me dealing with the pressures of this album and how I, you know, I'm trying to kill myself, but you know? Do I really want to kill myself? Things I'm just questioning myself. Most of this is self-structured.

Pretty

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's a story about this little girl that came into the coroner's office when I was working there and she was f**ked by her dad. She was an 11 month old little baby girl. Her legs were broken back behind her and he just f**ked her like a toy doll and chucked her in the bathroom. It was the most heinous thing I've ever seen in my life and I still have nightmares about it.

All in the Family

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Fred was there after Korn TV and we said, 'Let's do a song together, Hey, man, let's go back and forth and rip on each other like an old school battle.' I don't know who's idea it was, I can't remember if it was mine or Fieldy's or Fred's but we came up with the idea and we started writing and we worked on it together. I came up with some bags on myself for Fred to say. It was all in good natured fun.

Reclaim My Place

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

This one is about the whole band and about all my life being called a homosexual. And then I became this big rock star in a band and I'm still called a fag even by my own band. So it's like I was f**kin' pissed off at them. It's like erase them all because I'm gonna reclaim my place and say hey, they owe a lot to me for what I did, and I owe a lot to them back. But, it still kinda sucks. I've never ever gotten away from that fag f**kin' title. Just because I'm a sensitive kinda guy. Kinda feminine it really sucks.

Justin

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Justin, that was the kid dying terminally with intestinal cancer. His last dying wish was to meet us and it really freaked me out. That threw a whole bunch of new kind of pressures on my head. That's really intense. Someone's gonna die and his last thing he wants to do is come hang out with us. So I truly just freaked out. It's like why would you want to meet me? What makes me so special? And in turn I talk about how I admire his strength and his life. I couldn't stare at him because he was so content he was gonna die. No one could look him in the eyes. And I totally admire his strength. I wish I had it.

Seed

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Seed. That's all about the same thing again. I laying in bed in my hotel room, thinking about do I really need all this stuff? All this pressure on me? Because I'm a stressed out freak. It's about Nathan, it's about every time that I look into his eyes, I see myself how I used to be, innocent and stress free. I'm kind of jealous of it. It really sucks, I used to be that way. It's like I have to work so hard at this thing in my life. I have to become a stressed out freak. I put food on the table for my child. Every time I look in his eyes, I just see myself staring right back at my @ss laughing. I was like care free, innocent as a child. It's really weird and I'm really jealous of it.

Cameltosis

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That's a love song. It's about women in general, women who hurt me. It's Tre's lyrics. He's going on about chicks and my chorus is like I'm so scared to love anyone and really let them in after I got hurt really really bad by a girl. I've let Renee in a little bit, to be honest, but I'll never be that in love ever again. That's what I'm saying, if you've loved twice, you're gonna get f**ked, 'cause you usually do.

My Gift to You

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Renee always wanted me to write her a love song and that's why I called it My Gift To You. It's my gift to her, you know how I get sick. I always had a fantasy of f**king her and choking her to death. I fantasize about what it would look like me in her body and watching me do it. So it's like a really sick f**ked up song. I did it totally like, I love her so much, I want to take her out of this world. It's really strange. She used to leave notes on my pillow like 25 ways she'd like to kill me. She's got this weird death fetish. We're kinda f**kin' freaky. She got it. She's all 'Thank you that's kinda f**ked up. I was expecting a f**kin' I love you, baby kinda song.' I'm all, 'No, you know me.' I mean I can't do that.

Chi

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Chi is about a lot of alcohol and drug abuse. People turn to that when they have problems so that they won't have to feel their pain. The song was named after Chi Cheng from the Deftones. We named it after him because he used to call it reggae, and he loves reggae music.

Lost

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's the sterotypical thing about your best friend meeting a chick, and then you're nothing

Swallow

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That's about being paranoid. Drug-induced paranoia.

Good God

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's about a guy I knew in school who I thought was a my friend, but who f**ked me. He came into my life with nothing, hung out at my house, lived off me, and made me do sh*t I didn't really wanna do." "I was into new romantic music and he was a mod, and he'd tell me if I didn't dress like a mod he wouldn't be my friend anymore."

"Whenever I had plans to go on a date with a chick he'd sabotage it, because he didn't have a date or nothing. He was a gutless f**king nothing. I haven't talked to him for years.

Mr. Rogers

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Back in the day when I was a speed freak, um... even further back when I was a little kid watchin' Mr. Rogers, that sh*t was scary. He was a freaky old man... Land of Makebelieve and Mr. f**kinMcFeely and sh*t... made me sick. So back when I was doing speed, like for 5 or 6 days I'd be trippin out and my brain would start to get freaky and get schizophrenic and stuff, and I'd tape it and watch it everyday over and over... I don't know, I was sick in the head. As a kid he told me to be polite and all it did was get me picked on. I f**king hate that man. Thanks for making me polite and trusting everyone, and easy to take advantage of. So I spent 3 months on that one song, just tweakin' on it, and it was totally just my Mr. Rogers obsession, about how evil I thought he was. Pretty much drug induced.

K @ # Ø % (Kunt)

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

People think it's sexist but it isn't. It's more subconcious b*tching at all the women who've been with me in my life. It's not about women in feneral, just those women who hurt me." "Initially, we wrote it to send to American radio for a joke, because they always chop up all the other songs. So we were going to send a 'real' single seven days later."

A.D.I.D.A.S.

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It stands for all day I dream about sex. It's about how much of a pervert my ass is, and how I daydream about what a stud I am. But when it comes down to it, I'm a f**king pussy and I'm in there jacking off.

a** Itch

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That was the last song I wrote, and I was so burned at writing out lyrics because everytime I write I get depressed because I start thinking about things, you know? So the whole song is about that. In the chorus it says, 'Before day, my sun will be dying'. It's because I put myself on the line all the time and for what? Because people aren't going to be listening to it anyway.

Kill You

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's about a relative I first met when I was 12. I f**king hate that b*tch. She's the most evil, f**ked up person I've met in my whole life. She hated my guts. She did everything she could to make my life hell. Like, when I was sick she'd feed me tea with Tabasco, which is really hot pepper oil. She'd make me drink it and say, 'You have to burn that cold out, boy'. f**ked up sh*t like that. So every night when I'd go to sleep, I'd dream of killing that b*tch. In some sick way I had a sexual fantasy about her, and I don't know what that stems from or why, but I always dreamt about f**king her and killing her

Ball Tongue

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

The meaning of ball tongue is simple. Some thought it had to do with oral sex, but in fact its about a guy we had to work with on a t-shirt (Jeff Creath). He either had a pierced tongue or a wart or something on his tongue and he was a dick to us.

Different live: Jonathan goes into a Rap (by Coolio) Called "Loddi Doddi" in the middle of the song.

Clown

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Korn was playing a show in San Diego for a clothing card. This skinhead guy came up and started flippin' me off. When we started, I bent down and the guy took a swing at me. Our tour manager, Jeff, got into it and knocked the guy out. I wrote this song about him: 'Scared to be honest with yourself/you're a cowardly man.

Faget

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Everyone thinks I'm bashing gay people in this song, and I'm not. It's really about me going through high school being called 'pussy,' 'queer' and all that stuff, about getting picked on by all these jocks.

Shoots and Ladders

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It was written because all these little kids sing these nursery rhymes and they don't know what they originally meant. Everyone is so happy when singing but 'London Bridge' is about the Black Plague. All of them have these evil stories behind them." "The lyrics are all from nursery rhymes, and a lot of nursery rhymes go back to the Middle Ages. They're actually pretty twisted if you know the stories behind them, like about Black Death and stuff.

Helmet in the Bush

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's about a speed problem that I had. You know, you do a lot of speed and -- if you're a male -- your penis retracts severly. The guy heard at the beginning of the song is La Caco, a friend of the band. His real name is Michael and likes taco bell. He's a really Nice Guy and he has been friends with the band for years

Daddy

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

People think daddy' was writen because my dad f**ked me up the ass,thats not what the song's about. It wasn't about my dad or my mum. When I was a kid I was being abused by someone else and I went to my parents and told them about it. and they thought I was lying and joking around, they never did sh*t about it. They didn't belive it was happening to their son. I don't like to talk about that song, this is the most I've ever talked about it...

#korn #jonathan davis #just thought it was interesting

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k-llama-llama · 4 years

Text

Blueming

Stray Kids AU: 9th member

Tori x Stray Kids

Tori’s debut is here!

A/N: A couple of notes: one, this is pretending that her debut was right after Back Door promotions ended. Second, there will be a post later with outfits, some videos, etc. Stay tuned. Please check out my PATREON (patreon.com/kllamallama) for exclusive posts you can’t get anywhere else, as well as lots of other cool benefits!

Requests are OPEN and your feedback is still greatly appreciated!

Masterlist and other Follow Me links in bio!

Tori was having the best day of her life.

She’d been so terrified for her solo debut, scared of what her boys would think and of what the fans would say, that she’d worried herself sick almost every night that week.

But now that she was standing on the stage, with the knowledge that her song was charting, she was able to relax and enjoy herself.

It wasn’t really a showcase – it was more of a livestream that fans had to preregister for. She’d already performed her song, and then she had a short Q&A before she performed her final song of the evening, which was an acoustic version of an unreleased Stray Kids song. Chan had gifted it to her in order to celebrate her debut, and she knew a lot of fans had been excited to see it.

It had been really weird performing in front of just cameras and a crew but getting to interact with the fans over live stream had made it seem a bit more normal.

Their manager signaled for her to give the ending statement.

“Thank you everyone so much for tuning in!” Tori waved at the camera. “I am so proud to have shown you all of my skills in my first single, Blueming. I hope I’ll be able to continue to show you all a Tori that you can love and support! I’ll see you all soon.” She waved and blew kisses until the cameras were off.

The staff all applauded as soon as they were given the all clear.

“Thank you so much everyone!” Tori exclaimed. “I think it went really well!”

“You did really well.” The stage director said. “I think our final number was almost four hundred-“

“AHHHH!” Someone tackled Tori, lifting her off of the ground and spinning her around.

She screamed, hitting back at the arms. “HYUNJIN! STOP IT!”

He set her down, laughing as she tried to catch her balance. “What?”

“I almost had a heart attack.” She gasped. “What are you doing here? What are all of you doing here?”

The rest of the group walked up on the stage, Felix holding a massive bouquet of blue roses.

“We had to come celebrate with you.” Chan said. “We’ve been watching from backstage the entire time.”

“You have?” Tori grinned, taking the bouquet from Felix. It was as big as her entire torso, but she kind of loved it. “What did you think?”

“Well, we heard the song this morning.” Jisung said. “So generally disappointing.”

“Ignore him.” Minho shook his head. “The choreography was really nice. It was cool to see all of it.”

“It was super cute.” Seungmin did a little imitation of her dance. “Really going to fit well in Stray Kids concerts.”

“Yah, you guys aren’t being very supportive.” Tori crossed her arms.

“Noona, you did so good.” Jeongin wrapped an arm around her waist, careful not to squish her flowers. “The song is beautiful and the dance is awesome and you look-“

“Would you stop sucking up to her.” Changbin complained. “We get it, she liked you the best.”

“I do like him the best.” Tori hugged the maknae. He just smiled and leaned into her side. He was way too tall now, but the difference was slightly made up by her heels.

“I just can’t believe you actually wore that outfit on stage.” Felix looked her up and down. “I kinda thought it was just a one-off for the music video.”

Tori looked down at her outfit. “You thought I was given a baby blue mini dress covered in fluffy pompoms and I wasn’t going to wear it on stage? Do you even know me?”

“Can you even dance in that thing?” Hyunjin poked it. “You only wore it for the acoustic stage.”

“I’m wearing it to Music Bank tomorrow.” Tori gave a little spin. “Why? Do you not like it?”

“You look really nice.” Changbin said.

“I mean…we can’t really see you behind that monstrosity of a dress.” Jisung noted.

Tori shook her head with a smile. “You guys are just upset that you couldn’t pull this off.”

“I don’t know how we lived without wearing pompom dresses.” Felix deadpanned.

Minho checked his imaginary watch. “As cool as the dress is, do you want to go get changed so we can take you out for dinner?”

“What, I can’t wear this to the restaurant?” She passed her flowers to Jeongin.

“It’s a fire hazard.” Seungmin told her.

“Urgh, fine.” Tori groaned. “I’ll go.”

“Great, we’ll go get our stuff.” Felix said. “Meet you at the car.”

They all started to walk off, Tori lagging behind to hand her mic pack to the stage director. When she reached the stairs to leave the stage, Chan was the only one standing there.

“Don’t you have to go get your stuff?” She asked.

He held up a hand. “I figured I’d make sure you made it down the stairs safely.”

Tori smiled, taking his hand and navigating the six steps on her heels.

“You did really good today.” Chan said as soon as she was down, starting to walk with her.

“Thank you.” She grinned. “And I’m so glad you guys came. I know you’re all tired too.”

“We weren’t going to miss it.” Chan promised.

“And…I know I already said thank you, but I can’t thank you enough for lending me the song. I think the fans really liked it. It’ll probably get a lot of attention on our next album.”

“Lending you the song?” Chan looked at her quizzically. “What are you talking about? It’s yours.”

“It’s a Stray Kids song.” Tori protested. “I was just using the preview. You can’t let the fans down and just waste it on me.”

“I’m not wasting it on you.” He shook his head. “It suits you. And since your first song is so darn good, I know that your full album will be even better.”

“My full album!” She exclaimed. “Are you kidding? It took me forever to produce one song.”

“So? However long it takes, I have a feeling this song is going to be better for you than it ever could have been for us.”

“Really?” Tori looked down at her dress, playing with one of the pompoms. “I appreciate that.”

“I really mean it.” Chan nodded. “Besides, I….uh…I wrote it for you anyways.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. A while ago.” He sighed. “So I figure you should have it. But now you have to work hard and make sure it has an amazing album to go on.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself.” Tori shook her head. “I still have to survive solo promotions.”

“You can do it.” Chan encouraged. “I know you can.”

“Thanks.” She said, for what felt like the hundredth time that day. “So…where are you guys taking me for dinner? Chicken? Barbeque?”

“I think a salad bar.” Chan winked. “We don’t want you to get sick for your show tomorrow.”

“Yah! I worked hard, I deserve chicken!”

#stray kids #stray kids au #stray kids imagines #stray kids 9th member #female kpop #female member kpop #female!kpop #female member kpop #requests open #au #kpop #imagines #imagine #kpop au #kpop imagines #kpop imagine

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bisluthq · 4 years

Text

Happiness is about folklore era/the music; a lyric analysis.

So I see the song happiness confusing a lot of fans and I feel like it’s actually more straightforward than most of the other evermore songs. In order to understand it, though, we have to keep two things in mind:

She wrote it last and only finished it about a week before the album’s release.

She said this in EW well prior to the album’s release: have this weird thing that I do when I create something where in order to create the next thing I kind of, in my head, attack the previous thing. I don't love that I do that but it is the thing that has kept me pivoting to another world every time I make an album. But with this one, I just still love it. I'm so proud of it. And so that feels very foreign to me. That doesn't feel like a normal experience that I've had with releasing albums.

Taylor has said this was the final thing she made for evermore, and she has also said that usually she wants to “destroy” the previous thing she made. In this case, that previous thing was folklore right? Now let’s look at the lyrics of the song.

Honey, when I'm above the trees

I see this for what it is

But now I'm right down in it, all the years I've given

Is just shit we're dividin' up

Showed you all of my hiding spots

“Above the trees” is a callback to seven (where she’s both in the trees and high in the sky) and therefore to folklore - and she’s twisting it because again it’s “becoming folklore”, right? Even the recent past songs are not exempt from the treatment.

“But now I’m right down in it, all the years I’ve given is just shit we’re dividin’ up” sounds like her current re-records situation. So essentially she seems to be saying that now that she is in the midst of the masters drama - re-recording her old stuff and all that, she’s being dredged into past mistakes and problems but she sees things more clearly when she is in the folklore era.

The “hiding spots” are both a reference to folklore (and again the song seven) and the way she has mixed fact and fiction in this era to create a new narrative, allowing her to share very real truths but in a way that’s obscured through fictional characters AND a continuation of the thought above, where she was more confessional. She’s kinda toying with what it means to hide and what it means to show her truth and kinda suggests folklore era is the better experience of that.

Then it gets even more explicit:

I was dancing when the music stopped

And in the disbelief, I can't face reinvention

I haven't met the new me yet

So the first line is mirrorball/her cancelled tour and the way she has continued working through “the disbelief”. And she “can’t face reinvention” - can’t do what she has always done as per the EW quote, and “hasn’t met the new her” yet. This seems confirms evermore and folklore are sister albums, right, and that this is one era. And that it’s the first time that has happened to her - that one era spilled into “another”.

Then she says:

There'll be happiness after you

But there was happiness because of you

Both of these things can be true

There is happiness

She is enjoying this right now (there is happiness, in the last line, so it’s not just a past tense thing), but it’s a little bittersweet because she knows there will eventually be an era after this. She will move on and find new sources of inspiration and new musical ideas and styles and thoughts. And she also knows this happiness was given to her folklore and now is in evermore. But she’ll move on from the whole era eventually as well.

After that, Taylor writes:

Past the blood and bruise

Past the curses and cries

Beyond the terror in the nightfall

Haunted by the look in my eyes

That would've loved you for a lifetime

Leave it all behind

And there is happiness

She is moving through all of her past hurts and mistakes and regrets - that’s what she’s doing on these albums, we’ve been saying she’s processing a lot of very old hurts and mistakes and experiences and finding happiness.

Next, we get this:

Tell me, when did your winning smile

Begin to look like a smirk?

When did all our lessons start to look like weapons

Pointed at my deepest hurt?

Firstly, she is working through a lot of stuff on these albums so these are reasonable things to ask even in a vague way. But more than that, she is hinting at bow the way she worked her “winning smile” was no longer sustainable. That’s what she speaks to in this interview. She couldn’t keep writing pure autobiography or primarily autobiography (I have said she mixes facts and fiction before folklore and I stand by that, but the point is she framed it as such). The “lessons” she had learned started pointing out her hurts. She needed a new modus operandi.

And so what happens in the next bit? She embraces that new storytelling device:

I hope she'll be your beautiful fool

Who takes my spot next to you

No, I didn't mean that

Sorry, I can't see facts through all of my fury

You haven't met the new me yet

We get a reference to Fitzgerald/Great Gatsby to distance herself from this (extremely) personal song. And then she immediately backtracks - “I didn’t mean that, sorry I can’t see facts” - she is on the fence about what the narrative device means. She isn’t completely comfortable adding in this fictional character into her songwriting. Her emotions - her “fury” - are obscuring that. And so she says we, her listeners, haven’t met the new her yet. We are still in folklore era.

We get another twist on this bittersweet chorus:

There'll be happiness after me

But there was happiness because of me

Both of these things, I believe

There is happiness

Once more, there is happiness right now. But there’ll be happiness after this era - and maybe even after she stops making music - but she made an impact in this era (and in the past before) and she created happiness for us, her listeners.

She continues with that theme:

In our history, across our great divide

There is a glorious sunrise

Dappled with the flickers of light

From the dress I wore at midnight, leave it all behind

And there is happiness

This seems to reference 1989, Reputation and possibly even Lover - so her last three eras and… possibly more. That’s “our history”, right, the way she has recreated herself over her career. The “great divide” separates this new era from her past ones. And then we get Wildest Dreams but folklorized - sunrise instead of sunset. And possibly Daylight - but the light is flickering now, so maybe it’s also DBATC. The dress I wore at midnight could be Wildest Dream’s “nice dress”, the one she bought so “you could take it off”, or one of the princess gowns from early eras… like the Love Story one, even. Or even the one in Dear John. It’s both extremely specific and vague, and I think is purposefully what she’s about to “leave behind” right. She’s leaving “the girl in the dress” behind.

And when she does leave her behind, there is happiness. But it’s still bittersweet.

We then get:

I can't make it go away by making you a villain

I guess it's the price I paid for seven years in Heaven

Well the first line is very obviously the Reputation era, but it also fits all her other diss tracks and the drags of all kinds (like just the “write a song about you” vibes she gave off for a long time).

And then the line that broke y’all - “seven years”.... Well, there were seven “confessional” albums. Where she was making “you” a villain and letting people in and now she is stepping back from that. Everyone is still trying to “pin” songs on people and that’s the price she paid for that time. A time she really, genuinely enjoyed. But which she wants to move on from now.

Then:

And I pulled your body into mine

Every goddamn night, now I get fake niceties

No one teaches you what to do

When a good man hurts you

And you know you hurt him, too

I think this is in part that fictional narrative she started with in the Gatsby thing. Remember, this is deeply deeply personal but she has said that this album is always mixing fact and fiction. So as much as it’s that fictional aspect, she is also saying she used her romances as inspiration - and no one teaches you what to do when you get hurt by that. She used to write songs. But she knows that’s not the only way and you hurt people on the way too. So this is in part the protagonist singing, but it’s also referencing her songwriting style and inspiration and process.

Taylor then goes back to her early images in the song and twists them a bit:

Honey, when I'm above the trees

I see it for what it is

But now my eyes leak acid rain on the pillow where you used to lay your head

After giving you the best I had

Tell me what to give after that

All you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness

You haven't met the new me yet

And I think she'll give you that

When she is in the folklore era she can “see it for what it is”. The “acid rain” seems to hark back to early albums that had very many songs about meeting up in and reconciling in the rain. She gave us the best she had but what should she do after that? Then we get the Gatsby thing that recurs through this with the green light. I think she’s also toying with the idea that many of her fans kinda want that confessional thing. Many of us want to be let in and to get a window into her life but she can’t quite do it - she’s masking it in Gatsby and characters.

We - her listeners - haven’t me the new her yet.

But maybe we’ll like that new her even more, Tay says, in a bittersweet way.

This is the ode to folklore era again:

There'll be happiness after you

But there was happiness because of you, too

Both of these things can be true

There is happiness

And again there is happiness.

This bit is similar to the previous one, but again in the way she usually does in this song and era twisted somewhat:

In our history, across our great divide

There is a glorious sunrise

Dappled with the flickers of light

From the dress I wore at midnight, leave it all behind

Oh, leave it all behind

Leave it all behind

And there is happiness

What’s the twist? Leave it all behind is repeated. She is really insisting that in leaving the history behind she is finding happiness. Now. It is. It exists. But it is, again, somewhat bittersweet because she finds her relationship with this era so confusing - especially, I think, given she is currently re-recording.

In conclusion, this reading makes the most sense to me and I’m curious what y’all think.

#lyric analysis #evermore #happiness #taylor swift

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stillgeekingout · 3 years

Text

I always end up doing this like halfway through january but this time I got covid so I have an excuse lol. anyway reflections on 2021!

I recognize that 2021 was shitty for a lot of people but I was riding the high of how much better it was for me personally than 2020 so I actually had a decent year. for one thing ingrid was back (our first full year in the same country!), I got new plants to replace the ones that died while they were doing construction on my apt in 2020, I wasn’t alone in the house anymore, etc.

some stuff that happened in 2021:

-read a bunch of books at the beginning of the year bc I hadn’t been reading for a while and then kind of continuously read on and off throughout the year (special mention to one last stop!! and awtwb which I didn’t actually like as much as the first two but the end of the series was a significant thing)

-I did a few more months of yoga with adriene throughout the year, it wasn’t as much as I necessarily wanted to but I’m glad it’s something I keep periodically going back to

-played a lot of animal crossing cause we were late to that party

-baby’s first covid test (jan) and 2nd covid test (dec)

-spent the first few months of the year on a roommate hunt and then finally found our current roommate who is lovely

-s&s lived in *gasp* different apartments!

-made a weird little experimental short film for orlando fringe which was mostly just me reading books on the roof of my parking garage while waiting for time lapse footage

-watched a whole bunch of tv shows (finished steven universe, owl house s2, gravity falls, hsmtmts, we are lady parts, rutherford falls, wwdits, ted lasso, only murders in the building, kevin can fuck himself, girls5eva, infinity train)

-VACCINES! got 1st & 2nd shots in the spring then booster in the fall which was such a peace of mind thing despite everything and made it so I could actually feel ok seeing people again

-ingrid & I got engaged in may & started wedding planning ahhhh

-wrote a TON of this story that I had been kinda working on for ages (yeah it’s the one I just mentioned having finished)

-fully into aly & aj, if you haven’t listened to their recent stuff you should

-taylor and her rerecordings can be on here I guess lol (so can new bleachers album I guess. tried to see them in concert but it got cancelled for- shocker- covid reasons)

-since I mentioned tv & books, my favorite movies this year were prob raya, luca, encanto, and mitchells vs the machines lol I’m still a sucker for animation

-prob shouldn’t say this bc uh they follow me but I doubt they’ll see this so: my parasocial relationship w a certain person is always probably teetering on the edge of delusion that someday we’re gonna be friends (anyway read reputation lol) (if they do see this I’m sorry)

-speaking of parasocial relationships there are several babies and small children of people either I/ingrid/sarah know who I’m obsessed with and watched grow over the course of the year on social media

-related, there is a baby who lives close enough to me that I should’ve been able to see him a lot and have a relationship with him but covid/work/poor communication made everything complicated and it was a rough time for me about it for a minute there

-ingrid and I went to new orleans and stayed in a very cute airbnb and ate beignets and looked at art and went to parks

-my mom threw a MASSIVE party in july for my grandma’s 80th bday which was probably irresponsible but at the time the numbers were low and we were all vaxxed, anyway I got to see a ton of people I hadn’t in a while

-my dad had open heart surgery (he’s ok but it was a time)

-one of my sisters was our neighbor for the summer and now my other sister is our neighbor (also ingrid and sarah are finally friends which makes me happyyy)

-speaking of ingrid and sarah the three of us briefly revived my silly rp forum site from when I was like 14-15 lmao

-spent a long miserable time at my shitty horrible job and then FINALLY quit at the end of the summer

-got to be unemployed & just chill for the month of september, took a lot of walks downtown

-my high school 10 year reunion happened lol but I didn’t go because it looked like a hot mess

-tried in vain to get hired as an advisor at several universities/colleges near me… which was frustrating bc especially for international stuff I’m very qualified… stay tuned if that ever happens

-started working at a plant store in october! it’s been a fun time so far, my coworkers are mostly chill and my boss is a little annoying but not actively evil like my previous boss so I count it as a win. also I’m learning so much about plants & fueling my plant addiction

-related, I started a garden on our balcony in december and so far it’s doing ok!

-I mentioned getting engaged but oh my god so many of my friends got engaged

-so much of this year was just wedding planning lol

-I got ingrid to play age of mythology aka the game I was obsessed with in middle school and haven’t shut up about since muahaha

-played dnd with my sisters a couple times which was a fun and crazy time

-my mom finally got the christmas she’s been trying to have since my parents moved onto a boat, aka my parents got an airbnb and my mom got to have family around throughout the holidays

that’s pretty much it, I think! the covid depression is still real and hits from time to time, I don’t make enough money and I’m very uncertain about my ~career future~, but overall I can’t complain too much. I’m looking forward to ‘22 if for no other reason than I’m getting married this year! Also I have made the executive decision that we’re calling it 22 bc 2022 is too much of a mouthful when you say it out loud!

thank u for joining me on this recap of my year, if you did. peace & love lol

#insert usual disclaimer that I don't actually expect anyone to read this and it's for my record keeping etc #but feel free if you wanna #personal?

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cowb0ygenius · 4 years

Video

youtube

Interview with Julien Baker | From the Music Desk

Julien Baker is set to release a new album, "Little Oblivions" on Feb. 26. Baker is coming off the heels of her collaboration with Phoebe Bridgers and Lucy Dacus in their group Boygenius, and she played at Eaux Claires one year, playing background as Hanif Abdurraqib read poetry. Abdurraqib also wrote Baker's bio for the "Little Oblivions" release and once we started on our shared love for his work, there was no stopping our conversation. -88Nine Radio Milwaukee

[transcript under the cut]

Hi Julien!

Hello Justin!

Hey, how ya doing?

Uh, doing pretty well! Yeah, how are you?

I’m good. Uh, even before going into- even before reading your bio I was going to ask you about Hanif Abdurraqib, and then-

Yeah!

And then I was so fortunate to read the bio [laughs]

I, when he agreed to do that, I was like- [gestures] I was like, emotional? I was like, “I love Hanif!” I actually met- it’s so weird, I like, met/heard, became familiar with his writing, his poetry at, like, a christian writing conference in Grand Rapids?

When?

Um… Oh my gosh, was it 2017? Had to be 2017. Because 2018… yeah. I think it was like a couple of years ago. Um, and then like-

Why were you both there? … Speaking on Christian writing?

Okay so here- the, um, the person who ran it, um, was so sweet, and had like- so we had played there… “we.” This was before I toured with a band. But uh, played with violin. We had played there at this Christian college, um, in Grand Rapids, like just on tour, because whoever ran the events was like- I don’t wanna say “really cool” as if that’s an anomaly for people who- for people of faith, but like-

Sure!

I played there, they had asked Torres to play there, you know-

Hanif was there…

Hanif was there. Yeah, it seemed like the people programming wanted to have a dialogue that wasn’t so- like- the- I don’t- man. It’s funny, ‘cause now I don’t really like using words like “secular.” Um.. [laughs] There’s just this weird otherness, when you call something “secular.” You’re like, “oh…. Secular.”

[laughs]

But uh.. yeah! Just wanted to incorporate, like, non-faith based art as an exploration of like, more abstract ways of how, how we see God?

Mhm.

Umm… like, what that even is? Which I- I like, of course, I was like 20 years old and I was like “THIS IS MY LANEE” Um, I gave at- at that- I’m s- I’m a little embarrassed, but also…. God bless young Julien. I gave like a fucking powerpoint presentation at that conference-

Wow!

AT THAT CONFERENCE, about how [laughs] about how hardcore music, um, was an analog to the tenets of the Gospel.

How so?

Oh my gosh. I don’t know. I-

Hit me with the thesis!

Man, I don’t wanna- I just- It’s funny because I- back then I was trying to have a thesis. And I thought I ha- I had a lot of philosophies to deploy. And now I don’t. [long pause] Uh… Now I don’t. I’m not so- It’s not like I’m not so sure of them but I just have… you know, even back then where it was like this weird disclaimer I would put at the beginning of everything, like, “well I don’t know anything, but what I’ve found and how I understand faith,” and it’s just kind of like… I… I now feel responsible for, kind of, representing an ideology, or trying to pitch people an ideology that was not realistic. [chuckles] Or like-

What was your ideology?

I don’t know! I thought that, that…. [scoffs] It was a lot of stuff. Um, I thought, you know, I thought living out my faith, and- God, this is probably- I don’t wanna do this to another artist, uh, and be like, “Well I really liked what they said, so I did just like them!” Uh, but I- my favorite band was mewithoutYou? And,

Mhm.

It still is! mewithoutYou rocks. Um, but, I like…. Took everything about their ethos and how... Aaron like, characterized God and like the things that they did and tried to apply it to my own life in this way that when I look back on it now was really like- it was like, not that extreme but I wanted to be? You know? I wanted to have like, one shirt.

Oh, yeah.

And to not have- and like, take all the rider food and walk around outside and give it to homeless people.

Yeah.

That’s not- like, okay.

I get that, I get that.

That’s not inherently bad! That is not inherently bad. But, like… I think that I like, hung all of those actions on this belief that like, there was a true- like if I could only just find out what being right is.

Mm.

What God wants. What, uh- how to best love other people. What the right thing to do is.

Mm.

Then I could- and I was like- but you know, it’s because I held all these crazy standards for myself, of being like… ultimately kind? Then when I was like human and I did something shitty, I would have a panic attack about it. You know?

Yeah. Yes.

Like… and, I was just like- but it’s basically so I’m standing up here in a frickin’ tweed blazer, at this Christian conference, trying to be like, “Here’s how I learned love.” Right? Like, “I learned love because people at a church that was a little bit more progressive than the churches I had been to in high school, um, invited me over for dinner, no strings attached, and I was happy that someone was taking interest in me and being kind to me and loving me with no caveat?”

Mhm.

And the other place I found that was.. punk shows. The other place I found that, was, you know, and it was all wrapped up to in like… me being attached to like, straight-edge ideology. Which ha- like, can be useful as like an offshoot of like an understanding of sobriety but also has a lot to do with purity culture? And like… [gestures]

Yeah.

You know? It’s- it’s just- difficult! And so now, I’m like- I just have less to say. You wouldn’t know it ‘cause I just talked, like-

[laughs]

I just had like a 10 minute run-on sentence, obviously. But like, I have- I have less.

You think that’s ‘cause you have a larger audience?

Woah!

You think it’s harder to say something if you have a larger audience?

…. Oh god. You know what? I was gonna say no, but actually that might be a part of it. Like, I’d never thought of it like that before, but- man. I used to, like, if I were gonna tweet something, something that I f- that I shouldn’t feel so anxious about like, like- tweeting.

Yeah.

Like, first of all, it’s Twi- it’s like an imaginary digital realm. Like, i- it’s powerful! It’s powerful to educate, to organize, to um- you know, especially like... whatever, I’m not even gonna get off on that, ‘cause that’ll be like the whole interview. But, I would st- I would have to- I would be like visibly sweating and have to turn my phone off if I was just like, “Hey! please like donate to this organization that’s trying to not put children in cages at the border.” But it’s like, why? I have- with my- with the whole fabric of my being believe that’s the right thing to do, and I have this like, “well what if, what if you’re wrong? What if you hurt someone’s feelings?” And I’m just like, dude- I- I- it’s just like, the more people- I didn’t even… When I was a kid, I just wanted to play music, and I pretty much thought that I was going to be a teacher, and then I was going to use summer break to tour with my band. And just kinda be… a thirty-year-old, like, rock chick.

Cool. Mhm.

Who was just… touring bars.

Cool teacher.

And like, I don’t- I don’t know! I didn’t want- but the same thing is, like, I had somebody say to me really early on, I was like- I said to them—it was my friend Ryan Rado, who made the painting for the Turn Out the Lights album cover—I was like, “Man, the most- I feel like the only thing I wanna do with a microphone when I get it is turn it away because I always learned about shows being about… gang vocals! And like-

[laughs]

And that’s kind of- that’s like- that’s literal, but also, it has implications on how you understand… your platform as a musician. It’s like yeah, I’m just, like… you know? All the people watching my band are just the other bands that just played. So we’re all kinda on the same…

[laughs]

…plane?

Uhuh? [laughs]

Um, and it’s like- now- and i- he said to me- he was like, “But you can’t change the fact that you have the microphone.”

Mhmm.

“So you’re going to have to say something into it anyway.”

Yeah.

And then I was like, “Well what do I say?” [chuckles] What do I say if I wanna- if I truly want the world to be a better place. What can I say, to make whoever follows the Julien Baker music account on Twitter-

[laughs]

-think about being a better person! And I’m not- like, it sounds like I’m be- I’m being so mean to myself, because like… that’s true. Like I want to put ideas and links to articles and history podcasts about like- I want to put that in front of the people that trust me enough to smash that follow button. You know? Like-

Yeah.

I- I wanna try. But I… I can’t, like, I think I- I really just wanted to be good. And-

Yeah.

But it’s so… I don’t wanna be like, “it’s hard to be good,” because that’s like a cop out of like, “Well, I should just be average.” [laughs] But like.. yeah man. It’s difficult, to all of the sudden have-

The-

Yeah-

There’s a low threshold for forgiveness on twitter, you know?

Good God, yeah. Yeah.

I mean it’s like that, you know, it’s hard!

Yeah!

I mean I- I- I read a tweet that Hanif liked today, you know it was like in my feed of, like, “Hanif liked this.” And it was like something about Ocean Vuong—who I love—um, but I guess like, Ocean like, said something today or something like that? And then it was like a… there was like a poet that was like, “This should also be a place for learning.” This- like, if someone said something, this should also be a place for forgiveness. And sometimes, we’re- sometimes we’re still figuring it out! And that’s okay-

Yeah!

-And that’s a really tough thing to do.

No, um, Ha- uh, I was just reading like, I think it was Hayley Williams was tweeting this whole long thing about like saying “womxn” with an x? And then like, like all- like, I didn’t even understand it. Like, what was the- I was just like, “okay!” I guess there was somebody that had a problem with this, and then she was just like, “Thanks. Thanks for letting me know that was problematic, I won’t do that anymore.” And I wish- I wish that I… ha- like- maybe I will get to a point where I’m like- It’s like, “I know I’m problematic! I’m- everybody’s problematic!”

[laughs]

But not least of all, me! You know?

[laughs]

Um, but I’m so afraid it’s like I will sit there and concoct what I want to say in an interview, or like- like when I have to do email interviews my manager will send me like four- like, “Hey, you- you really need to get this done”

[laughs]

Because I will sit here for seven hours, in this spot in my apartment, and be like, “That’s not the best way to say that! I could say it better!” You know, I’m just like- and then inevitably I’ll read it the next week and I’ll be like, “still sounds dumb.” Like, I just-

[laughs] You can’t win, Julien!

Can’t win! Yeah but it’s- it’s freeing. Its freeing to know that you can’t win.

For sure. Um- I’m going to have to wrap this up. We’re-

I’m so sorry!

Um- er- I think we have like two more minutes- I know, it’s been a quick 15. Yeah, um, you had said that mewithoutYou is, um, is your favorite band? And I would- I wanna come out of this with a song to play- could you tell me a mewithoutYou song that we can play? And why you like it?

Wowwww… okay. I’m sorry. I’m like a stan of them so I’m like mulling through their entire discography in my head right now.

Sure.

Um- oh my God. You know what? It’s a weird one, and I feel like.. mewithoutYou fans don’t hate me for not saying, like, 19- 1979 or whatever? But… um… play King Beetle and the Coconut Estate. That one’s really cool. It’s about beetles who think that God is like a light and then they all fight it- it’s like a really cool microcosmic little fable that is a really merciful way to look at humans trying to figure out what heaven or god or rightness is. But it’s just little bugs. [laughs]

[laughs]

Talking to each other! It’s really cute. King Beetle and the Coconut Estate.

Perfect

Yeah. Yeah!

Um, and thank you. I mean, that’s- that was the fastest 15 minutes I’ve uh ever spent!

Oh my gosh! We didn’t even- We just talked about a Christian music conference!

[laughs] We didn’t even really like get to Hanif, or-

I’m so- I’m so sorry!

Oh no, oh my God! The best is when you, uh, make a plan and then you throw the, you know, road map out the window.

Yeah!

This is my dream conversation!

Okay! [laughs] Well good! Thank you! It’s been- I’ve enjoyed this conversation quite thoroughly.

Me too! Thank you! Uh- and thank you for the, thank you for the music! Consistently throughout your career, and-

Oh! Yeah, I try!

And thanks for the, for the new record.

#julien baker #interview #little oblivions #2021 #88nine radio milwaukee #this interview is so good and cute!! she talks about the powerpoint she gave at that christian conference #transcript

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hospitalterrorizer · 11 months

Text

diary43

10/20-21/2023

friday - saturday

wrote a good chunk today, a whole section put into draft, chunks added to prior parts, and a whole earlier lost bit retrieved, good day for writing.

i also did my piece for the new collaborative poem, surprisingly, i did that last today, funny how things work out. it's good i just jumped right into writing my main thing i guess. i also didn't add at the start there about how i also got a good start on the section after, it's still difficult, i have where it begins roughly, and i have a huge mid-section of it written, but there's an interrupt where i need to change the narrator's focus, i don't know how to get there totally (i have a half idea, about focusing on the people they're with/ what it's like to watch people dispassionately, maybe that's it, i like that, brb) okay so i wrote more now, that's good, that's the big concern of today taken care of, but writing is a lot less anxiety inducing than music, i think because i know with words i trust myself more, and if i focus and think about it, focus and thought are the most important parts, i can make things happen. with music it's like, a lot more intuition, and i guess i want to sound like something in my head, or a conception, a confluence of sounds/words/images that i need to be exact. it's also newer to me i guess. i've been making music since sophomore year of hs, i've been writing / speaking english for 10 years before that, even more i guess, but writing for sure began at 5, most likely like, 4 though, i suppose.

that's not to say i'm like super great or whatever either it's just true that i'm more familiar with that terrain.

listening to die kreuzen's first album, trying to think about how to write weirder hardcore riffs and stuff, i wanna pick up my guitar soon but it's the weekend so my gf is home all the time. sad. i should probably not write more songs but idk, i made a new guitar sound, i like it, i think i can use it for some new things and some old things too. tomorrow i think i will listen to a bunch of my songs and see what needs work/what doesn't again. thinking on it now, i wanna do it now. but i should not, it's very late, i'll get really weird about it i bet.

so i'll just listen to dropdead.

also my stomach hurts cuz i did not eat a lot today, i should have eaten more, but i drank coffee which tanked my appetite, i did cook but it wasn't a ton, and i didn't eat after really. let's see, it was 4 granola bars, two-four fistfuls of pretzels, apple, banana, dinner, which was pan fried chicken in gochujang butter + steamed vegetables. no wonder i am starving now. seeing it listed here it's not as much as i felt like it was.

tomorrow i can also write some riffs too probably, see what i feel like i guess. this new sound is kind of good for really annoying high stuff but also the low end stuff too, it's weird, it's also the kind of sound where i think it's one of the ones i might tweak a lot depending on the song and what register i leave it in, i can crank one of the effects to help give it more annoying trebly chiming stuff.

and oh my lanta it is 6am now wtf.

i was looking at fashionpress.net today, at the newest jennyfax photoshoot, and i think i want to make a guitar sound that kind of gets at what monibelle does in some of the photography i've seen her do. i don't know what that means exactly, and my interpretation of that is obviously leaning into the harshness/ weirdness more than any more harmonious features.

but the trashy/sharp and jagged thing cut into something sort of colorful (not here necessarily but in the earlier photoshoots it's something more present).

some kind of noisefreak thing, justin pearson's bass sound comes to mind as kind of getting at this kinda frayed digital thing, but i dunno, i want something sharper/clinkier. i don't think i can get a guitar to get all that out emotionally, so it's i guess a reference point for where i'm writing songs from, but it's weird to think like that maybe, it is in the back of my head though, it has been since starting this whole ordeal.

youtube

maybe this kinda gets there, as a whole song, but i also love this guy's guitar sound, it's so good and so scritchy scratchy.

trying to balance all that with my <3<3<3 of pv and other fast grindy shit is hard, or not totally, other bands managed, but i think some particularities of wanting it all to be there/felt is what makes me feel kind of insane.

and there's a new song where i should work on synth sounds, like proper synthy sounds. i think what i'll do is use one of my chiptune synths that's never in tune and pair that with either another one that is in tune, or something like a free and more complicated synth that can do more modulation stuff, maybe surge i dunno. it'll just be simple squarewave stuff i think, but i wanna make it chirp and flutter kinda.

making some of the synths stick out more in the mix is hard but as long as they're evidently there that's all that matters to me, i think they kind of add a glue to the songs, them and the obv synth basses are cool to me.

anyways look at these perfume bottles (i am the one with the spiky circle lashes) and gosh the time, like uhhhhhhh,

byebye!!!!!

#Youtube

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