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#i know he’s dead and buried now
oaxleaf · 6 months
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love myself a cockroach of a character. i look at them and go ”how is that fucker not dead? they should be dead. they should be dead ten times over. how are they not?” and 90% of the time the answer is a combo of sheer stubborness and homosexuality
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rhymaes · 4 months
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The Untamed, Eps. 19, 20 // Red, Chase Berggrun
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camelspit · 8 months
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stina on the book 10 cover (pleading)
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kidfoundonstreets · 6 months
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I DONT HAVE THE IMAGES IRGHT NOW BUT YOU UNDETRNSAD?? YOU GET ?? YOLU GET? IM MADLY I NLOV WITH YOU TIWLIGHTRCADE MY GOOD FRIEND MY COMRADEMY RIDE ROD IE
#freak to freak communication you know ?#thank u . u r the best ever <3#i really enjoy ur rants and talkings always always.. i hope we r buried skeleton together all for meotauls#anyway matty and ahshe silluy in the way that thjey absooltuely fucking hate eahcother nad ahse has dienfitley b#locked many things out as his life froze after his family died therefore he hasnt had time to process the anger towards matty#maybe he has had anger nad bitterness towards other things but i dont feel like matty is high on his priority right now esp#since he doesnt know wher eh eis but hes still a deep rooted issue - and its not thast he hasnt accepted his familys#death exactly (thouhg i guess that is it but in other wording) its that he hasnt accepted it ending like this#he has to think about his family dead to think about summoning them back yet still i do think he does have#many delusions where they are alive and the thought of going back to them is the only thing keeping him going really#sometimes i think about how even wehn hes crossed the line and killed so#mebody hes still going on it feels like a dead corpse being raked across the floor to lose another piece of who he is once again#kid's heart#BUT THAT ISNT WHAT I WNATED TO TALK ABOUT AURGHH!!#i think that in the past maybe possuibnly you have to be another level of ill to get this far#but ashe geeneeuinly thought of matty as a good friend who was close to him etc etc but on mattys side its harder#because theres no clear intetion ill make up my own i say he did value ashe in a way but#in the end what did indeed win out was his hatred and infeoririuty towards ashe - i dont think he even wouldve goen that far#if he didnt know ashe o rmaybe he wouldve done it sooner - he would spend time with ashe normally with the thought#of how hes using him bnack in his head then go home nad the feelings would pile up pile up pile up esp since his parents#would lay the pressure on thick meanwhile whenever he went to ashes house it wa s ashining exmaple#of what he didnt hvae#and because matty is selfish. it drives him insane#i find it kinda funny how ashe got his trust broken by him leaving such a scar yet now hes#lying to people as matty was as well#i can say more but im scared.
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piplupod · 1 month
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my brain is so nonsensical, i will see omens in the most mundane shit but then when a dead blackbird appears a little ways away from outside the house i don't even blink
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laurelwinchester · 1 year
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i don’t understand the obsession some parts of the spn fandom have with the bunker.
‘‘it’s their home! they’ve never had a home and now they have the coolest home ever! i love it so much! the show got so much better when they gave them a homebase!’’
motherfucker it DOESN’T HAVE ANY WINDOWS
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meatriarch · 4 months
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im still on my fuckshit but when i think of cc maria ( by extension also nosy maria but specifically noting the isolation aspect of cc );
can you imagine one day skimming the paper. its been a few weeks since all the commotion knowing your friends' had attempted to come find you but then were chased off. never actually heard or saw any of them, but you know they were around.
but you've been moved from the cells to a mattress upstairs. you're given more freedom, more wiggle room, you're allowed to do things - little hobby-type activities - you're given better foods, you're looked after by the older woman at the other house. the man who took you, who terrifies you still to some degree, slowly doesn't feel like such a stranger anymore, you're right to still be cautious around him but as the days, the weeks, pass by, there's simply a different air about him, and in the shack. lighter, in a sense.
you find yourself growing used to the new daily - the new routine. of waking to the sound of him getting ready for the day, of being left alone in there for hours sometimes, others trailing after him like a duckling, around the older womans' property, helping with an array of tasks. and you worry about upsetting her at first, unsure if doing so will earn a knife to the throat. you listen, you do as you're told, you find some kind of way to co-exist - all the while still, in the back of your mind, there's still a ray of hope,
that maybe, maybe, since the rest of them got away - that they're merely licking their wounds, that they'll get word out and even with all the silence since they had been on the property, there's that shred of hope that maybe? someone will waltz in, guns blazing so to speak, and you'll get out of this hell finally.
that is, until that day - that you're skimming through the paper, and you recognize yourself in a little column - and you realize you're staring at your own fucking obituary.
and in that moment everything seems solidified.
you're never getting away.
there's no point in it.
there's no one out there who are still trying to find you, get you back, bring you home, back to your mothers' arms, back to being an older sister, back to the circle of friends you loved so dearly.
you're dead.
not just to the world, but to those you loved - those who claimed to have loved you, too.
what else do you have at that point? where else do you go, even if you still tried to leave? who wouldn't look at you sideways for the blood that's already stained your hands? for the flesh caught between teeth?
who else is there, except the one murmuring encouragement and praise in your ear?
the only constant you've had in all these weeks? whose words rang true - clearly - that no one cared? that they abandoned you? left you there, didn't even care to make sure you were alive or not? only thought of themselves and got the fuck outta there without confirming if you were even still alive.
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#[ ♡ ] ── * maria f. / 𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘦.#[ 𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘦. ] ── * queue.#[ 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦. ] ── * cold case.#[ 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦. ] ── * no one saved you.#for cc maria its just. theres literally no one else. the only constant has been johnny. hes the one who was there with her when the#broadcasts sounded off her searches being called off. the only one who ensured she ate - was clothed - was looked after when she fell ill.#who she could talk to. who in spite of all her escape attempts & all her attempts at trying to kill him kept her around - taught her how to#do things properly - protected her from others that'd be brought down below shack. honestly. her isolation in cc - only having any sort of#connection being with johnny for *months* before he trusted her enough to let her join him for longer periods - like its. complicated.#SO fucking complicated. youre seen as dead to literally everyone else in existence - *except for him*. he who sees you. who hears you.#who talks to you. looks after you. its hard not to find yourself becoming attached/devoted. to the only person who knows you still exist#like i mentioned for nosy its. theres lee there too now so its. a little different. it doesnt hit right away - the almost blind devotion.#but it still happens - over time - with the both of them. the last two people who for a time at least know you were even still living.#and its by the time ch2 rolls in for either cc/nosy its just. its so confusing to her. why they all bother returning then?#for cc its just. you all buried me in an empty box twenty years ago...you all moved on then. you accepted that. so why are you here now.#why are you re-opening wounds that shouldve been long buried - with that empty casket. why suddenly care now?#in nosy she suppresses it w. her bitterness but cc i feel it comes out more like... grief & hurt. all over again. because if you came back#20 yrs after the fact? then why DIDNT you return back then? why *now* and not then? at any point in the last two decades?
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meatriarchived · 5 months
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i did not sleep yay for me im still on my fuckshit but when i think of cc maria ( by extension also nosy maria but specifically noting the isolation aspect of cc );
can you imagine one day skimming the paper. its been a few weeks since all the commotion knowing your friends' had attempted to come find you but then were chased off. never actually heard or saw any of them, but you know they were around.
but you've been moved from the cells to a mattress upstairs. you're given more freedom, more wiggle room, you're allowed to do things - little hobby-type activities - you're given better foods, you're looked after by the older woman at the other house. the man who took you, who terrifies you still to some degree, slowly doesn't feel like such a stranger anymore, you're right to still be cautious around him but as the days, the weeks, pass by, there's simply a different air about him, and in the shack. lighter, in a sense.
you find yourself growing used to the new daily - the new routine. of waking to the sound of him getting ready for the day, of being left alone in there for hours sometimes, others trailing after him like a duckling, around the older womans' property, helping with an array of tasks. and you worry about upsetting her at first, unsure if doing so will earn a knife to the throat. you listen, you do as you're told, you find some kind of way to co-exist - all the while still, in the back of your mind, there's still a ray of hope,
that maybe, maybe, since the rest of them got away - that they're merely licking their wounds, that they'll get word out and even with all the silence since they had been on the property, there's that shred of hope that maybe? someone will waltz in, guns blazing so to speak, and you'll get out of this hell finally.
that is, until that day - that you're skimming through the paper, and you recognize yourself in a little column - and you realize you're staring at your own fucking obituary.
and in that moment everything seems solidified.
you're never getting away.
there's no point in it.
there's no one out there who are still trying to find you, get you back, bring you home, back to your mothers' arms, back to being an older sister, back to the circle of friends you loved so dearly.
you're dead.
not just to the world, but to those you loved - those who claimed to have loved you, too.
what else do you have at that point? where else do you go, even if you still tried to leave? who wouldn't look at you sideways for the blood that's already stained your hands? for the flesh caught between teeth?
who else is there, except the one murmuring encouragement and praise in your ear?
the only constant you've had in all these weeks? whose words rang true - clearly - that no one cared? that they abandoned you? left you there, didn't even care to make sure you were alive or not? only thought of themselves and got the fuck outta there without confirming if you were even still alive.
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#for cc maria its just. theres literally no one else. the only constant has been johnny. hes the one who was there with her when the#broadcasts sounded off her searches being called off. the only one who ensured she ate - was clothed - was looked after when she fell ill.#who she could talk to. who in spite of all her escape attempts & all her attempts at trying to kill him kept her around - taught her how to#do things properly - protected her from others that'd be brought down below shack. honestly. her isolation in cc - only having any sort of#connection being with johnny for *months* before he trusted her enough to let her join him for longer periods - like its. complicated.#*so* fucking complicated. youre seen as dead to literally everyone else in existence - *except for him*. he who sees you. who hears you.#you speaks with you. looks after you. its hard not to find yourself becoming attached/devoted. to the only person who knows you still exist#like i mentioned for nosy its. theres lee there too now so its. a little different. it doesnt hit right away - the almost blind devotion.#but it still happens - over time - with the both of them. the last two people who for a time at least know you were even still living.#and its by the time ch2 rolls in for either cc/nosy its just. its so confusing to her. why they all bother returning then?#for cc its just. you all buried me in an empty box twenty years ago...you all moved on then. you accepted that. so why are you here now.#why are you re-opening wounds that shouldve been long buried - with that empty casket. why suddenly care now?#in nosy she suppresses it with her bitterness but cc i feel it comes out more like... grief & hurt. all over again. because if you came bac#20 yrs after the fact? then why DIDNT you return back then? why *now* and not then?#[ mf ] ── * 𝐇𝐂 / 𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐄. { maria. }#[ mf ] ── * 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄. { cold case. }#[ mf ] ── * 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄. { no one saved you. }#[ mf ] ── * 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄. { we saved us. }
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wintaerbaer · 1 year
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WHEN I SAY I TURNED ON THE LIVE AND LITERALLY LAUNCHED MY PHONE ACROSS THE ROOM
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s4pphoiduser · 2 years
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blind (2022) is driving me insane. im begging my friends to watch it but theyre either busy with exams or almost exclusively fluff/romance-watchers . i need to talk ab this w someone just hit me up or something GOD
#kdrama blind (2022)#blind 2022 spoilers#tvn ocn blind (2022)#so my theory is the same as other peoples' its confirmed that 13 yoonjae is sungjoon so im thinking sunghoon was there too (somehow idk) an#that hes 11 and jung inseong the juror is 12. 11 and 12 seem to be real brothers? bc in ep1 11 said 'go meet mom' and not 'go meet your mom#and maybe 11 and 13 escaped together after hiding under the floorboards? since sj Was adopted maybe he was taken in when the parents found#sh after they escaped together? and the thing is everyone is involved somehow so if the mother was like in a high position at the center (i#i didnt the lady at the start of ep7 for someone else) then how was sunghoon there? idk i havent gotten that far on my theory except that#hes 11. maybe they were Both adopted? so the next to die is either the lady  idr her name or the producer guy. 24 + 7 r confirmed dead now#13 is sungjoon. and inseong is def connected to this somehow like the rest of the jury. ergo my theory that hes 12. also i think the body#they found w ahn taeho's phone in ep8 is jung yoonjung's (yoonjae's older sister) bc of the necklace and the size of the skeleton. so now#they've found one body from the events of 20 years ago that happened at the center. all the jurors' kids will be killed as revenge for the#parents turning a blind eye on them as kids so theyre being punished by having their beloved children taken away from them. i think its#amazing how theyre all connected they dont know it at all. choi soongil was the only one who recognized ahn taeho (bc of the scar) and#yeom hyejin didnt know her father was sending kids to be abused and enslaved. kang youngki saw kids in numbered uniforms doing hard labor#never said a word bc keeping it a secret earned him money that he spent on his own kid who wouldve been around the same age as them.#from ep8 we see that the producer made a docu on the center and just buried it. and ofc mr baek who was the ringleader of all this.#his daughter killed on her birthday and kang youngki's daughter killed on her wedding day as retribution. im sad that ahn taeho died living#a life of guilt and fear moving around all the time but at least hes free from that now. im glad he got to apologize to 'yoonjae' for it#honestly i cant be mad at ahn taeho bc he was a survivor and a child and terrified. also is it just me or did sunghoon look disappointed#when ahn taeho confessed? like thats all the evidence i have supporting my theory that hes 11 i think. ofc theres the vibes? that he and#sungjoon have more history than the shows let on so far but if he was 11 he would be so disappointed bc he planned their escape#anyway come talk to me about this its driving me crazy
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idonthaveabmxbike · 2 years
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some people out there aren’t brave enough to ship nachojesse. but i am
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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...
#god. do u ever just look out at a landscape and think: there are layers and layers of history buried under that strip of sidewalk#creatures lived and died and lived and died and changed morphologically like a meandering river. into the sea back onto land#diverging and convering evolution. building changes through ever branching phylogeny. its crazy. literally unfathomable#it's so painfully clear rn that my astrobiolological interests are entangled in understanding how life works. i want to know the tiny#details. i want to look at traits across different branches within a phylum and understand where differences creep in and what we can learn#about the past from the present. i want. i want. i want a project where it doesnt feel like im bleeding myself dry. i want to produce data#that doesnt feel like its a symptom of a disease. i want to cultivate knowledge out of love. not in an effort to drown myself. not out of#some frantic Compulsion. i want to look up at the stars and not feel the weight of all the time i have to keep moving when im never going#fast enough. exhausting. but here i am again. spiralling. bc i spent all day drawing not reading even tho i was learning thru audio all day#slacker. an excuse. irrational. im self aware! and yet that doesn't seem to make things easier. never relaxed. always guilty.#sigh... my dad txted me that he missed me today. theyre up on that lake brimming with fossils and dead fish and broken glass. i wish i was#there too. watching fireflies and crawling around for algae and lichens. anyway i digress... i should find a phd project i say for the#thousandth time. maybe ill have the motivation now. maybe ive recovered enough i say like i didnt spontaneous burst into hysterical tears#Friday morning for no descenable reason. maybe. maybe. youll never kno if u dont try#unrelated
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afieldinengland · 1 year
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letmesleepy · 1 year
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Hey Sleepy I know about Otto but what about Caroline? I've seen u tag oc tag stuff as Caroline. Who are they?
Thats Carolina ^_^ let me talk about her miserable life under the cut. Its under a cut cuz uhhhhh sensitive topics below. Also long as hell
Carolina is my fallout oc/sona/its complicated. We'll say shes an oc cuz shes only really a sona when im playin the games and when thats happening the pronouns are they/them but since its just me playing the they/themming is only in the head.
Shes in 3/nv/4 and dear god she goes through so much trauma. Shes a mute chick w huge anger issues who tries not to show it by constantly being @_@ about life. She had a tumor in her throat when she was 1 yr old, which if it wasnt removed would have traveled to her brain, if it didnt close off her ability to breathe first. She had to have surgery to have it removed, taking her vocal cords in the process.
She has a huge love for repairing tech such as computers and bots, and when she was in the vault she dreamed of being the person to maintain the water chip. But as you know f3 story she never got the chance, only ever being a pipboy repairmen (which she did enjoy but due to how isolated she was she wanted water chip job more so she could be more important and liked). She has an incredible memory too ✌.
Cuz of her mutism she had like almost no friends aside from amata + a few adults, only furthering her @_@ ing and not showing her emotions. This leads to FURTHER isolating cuz everyone just thinks shes weird. She struggles a lot w her self image due to this isolation and kids pickin on her for being mute + tall, leading to struggles w anorexia. Throughout the 10 yrs old f3 to f4 she tries to recover from this, but cuz the apocalyptic world is harsh she doesnt get well off at first, becoming an alcoholic alongside it, due to in f4 shes brainwashed/reprogrammed (cyborg from nv dlc) into believing shes a 200 yr old mom searching for her son. Not only brainwashed but had surgery to look like the original nora. This only worsens her self image problems when she realizes the truth. The reason shes brainwashed is cuz Father believes shes incredible, and due to her work in washington/vegas, believing she should take his place. Originally he thought she was a true vault dweller, having no radiation. By the time he found out she wasnt, it was too late. But he persisted anyway, still considering her determination and the charisma she would gain from nora to make her an excellent leader.
When she realizes shes actually NOT nora, and that they gave her a dead womans voice, thoughts, face, this leads to her almost going over the deep end, for a moment considering horrible things from making her anorexia worse for a sense of control to simply finding a hole to die in. But in the end she decides instead to combine her personality w noras, since nora is now stuck inside her. Nora is a "program" of sorts, existing in the cybernetic part of carolinas brain. She was scanned from the original noras head, who died during the capturing of shawn. Due to her being a corpse there were a lot of memories gone, so a lot was filled in or simply left blank. Shes a ghost of herself but she doesnt wanna die again, so she stays alive through carolina, the two becoming a new one. Carolina is now more vulnerable, with new thoughts, but in a way she finds a peace in it, feeling less lonely even if the company isnt entirely true. They ofc arent totally harmonious, at times being completely separate mentally, but they over time find this to be a good thing, always seeing things in a new way, coming up with better ways to solve things. Her only other constant company is f3 dogmeat, who stays by her side ever since they met. But that changes when she has to take care of shawn, who believes shes his bio mother. Now she has more company with him involved.
Originally carolina doesnt wanna take care of him, being very traumatized by what happened w Father, but in the end he wins her over, so they travel together. Ofc carolina tells shawn the truth, that shes not his mom. But he in the end decides it doesnt matter, that shes really cool and he wants her to be his mom. With this relief, she changes her face back as much as she can, and removes noras voice from her. Because of their new relationship, carolina opens up more, having a healthier lifestyle to set a good example, and making promises to not be as reckless in battle, cuz he worries about her :(. Over time she starts expressing herself more, still ofc sometimes @_@ but thats cuz she has apocalyptic autism and Is Just Like That. But overall she learns to laugh and actually be happy cuz she has someone to love again, and this time she doesnt let ppl step over her. As she recovers and loves, she gains more weight and becomes fat and strong ^-^ leading to her passion of engineering being more easy due to having more energy.... Not to mention the flustering attention she gets cuz shes a beefy woman in the apocalypse.
Tldr: i take yer gruff depressed middle aged man w daughter and raise you: gruff depressed middle aged woman w son. + cute doggy :)
#theres a lot more like her losing a foot to a bear trap and being cut open so many times without her permission#this girl is covered in scars. both surgical and battle wise#and the first time she cried being in lonesome road cuz she sees so much of herself in ulysses she knew she would die#and how she used to bury everyone she killed in f3 cuz she was raised Old Fashioned on how to treat the dead#but she stopped when her dad died cuz she started killing so many enclave she couldnt bury em all. and kinda didnt wanna.#and dont get me started on dr li and her being in both f3 and f4#and how her meeting 'nora' parallels her meeting carolina and how she Senses who she is but doesnt have proof#and thus sends nora to search for carolina‚ believing carolina to be dead but is so scared she might be alive#and how dr li didnt have a great opinion of carolina but knows if what her gut is telling her is true. is something no one deserves.#and how shes the cause for nora realizing shes carolina and how this further complicates their relationship#amd how she tries to ease this fuckin Mess by giving her resources to learn sign language so she can talk to her w/o pen and paper#and how it leads to them finally being somewhat friends and dr li being the only person carolina trusts in the institute#and how that leads to her making dr li the director so carolina can leave cuz she now fucking hates boston#and also her taking care of dogmeat when he was caged in the institute to hide him from nora. he was so so scared and she was like#holy fuck dogmeats here. that could mean shes alive. guess i gotta make sure you dont die buddy or else thatll ruin her.#and her using him to be sure that nora is carolina. and when hes so so happy to see nora when he was so shy w dr li. thats how she knew.#but she needed proof. so off nora goes#*froths a bit at the mouth thinking about dr li and nora and carolina*#the reason i chose otto instead of her for the oc poll was cuz uh. dear god theres too much to tell for her.#also dont get me started on her relationship w ulysses. the parallels... and Opposites....#ulysses being a man who always speaks. always has words. carolina being a woman who has so lil words. who refuses to speak.#the two being so full of burning rage only the other can understand. being so strong and not knowing how to be strong.#isolating themselves and committing themselves to the service of their own personal duties until they just fall over and die#both dreaming of a home that had died long ago#*pounds fists on floor*#ive been considering making a comic about her but i have Not had the time or skill yet to do it. maybe one day 💭#anyway ive been writing this answer for hours. if theres something else to be said ill just hashtag reblog and say more#also i think shes technically my oldest oc. at least the oldest thats still around. shes def older than otto thats for sure#been working on her for.... jeez. 10 yrs.
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queenofalmosts · 2 years
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I haven't known a single moment of peace since I finished if we were villains until I read some like ~translations of pericles to understand what exactly the lines from james' letter really mean and then I didn't even think about the book for like a whole evening lmao like reading the actual lines in context made them make total sense to me and more than the lines he used there were some he kept out that especially convinced me of the true meaning behind the letter...
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imperiuswrecked · 3 months
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I'm never forgetting the Palestinian babies that were left to starve to death then rot in their beds by the IOF.
I'm never forgetting the Palestinian doctors surrounded by bodies of dead children begging the world to stop the slaughter.
I'm never forgetting the Palestinian children who held a press conference in English to beg the world to stop murdering them because they want to live.
I'm never forgetting the Palestinian Priest who said "We will not accept your apology after the genocide" to the world.
I'm never forgetting the Palestinian Imam who used the speakers of the Mosque, not to call people to prayer but to call out to God while the world around them was burning from American supplied Israeli bombs.
I'm never forgetting the grandfather who held his dead grandchild in his arms. Or the father carrying the remains of his two children in plastic shopping bags. Or the mother holding her dead child in a shroud. Or the father sitting among the rubble after he lost his whole family. Or the girl trapped under a broken building begging for people to save her family first. Or the boy who cried when he saw his brother alive. Or the girl who asked if she was still alive after being pulled from the rubble. Or the boy who carried the remains of his brother in his backpack. Or the old man the IOF used for a photoshoot before they shot him dead after getting pictures. Or the little boy wearing plastic gloves to pick up the remains of his family. Or the graves desecrated. Or the body of that small baby girl left alone in a tent because no one knew who she was or if her family was alive, small and alone and not one person who knew her name to bury her. Or the young boy who was shot in the street while his sister watched from the window. Or the men and boys who were stripped naked in winter. Or those tortured. Or those made to stand in open graves. Or the people who were raped by IOF soldiers. Or Palestinian workers kidnapped by the IOF and then labeled with wristbands, each one reduced to a number, then made to walk back to Gaza to be killed in the world's largest open air concentration camp. Or the people of Gaza starving because Israeli Zionists are blocking aid trucks. Or the Israelis dancing and celebrating the death of Palestinians. Or the lies spread by Zionists and their supporters. Or the people profiting off the oppression and deaths of Palestinians. Or the people of the West Bank being killed or kidnapped by the IOF. Or old woman who was older than the creation of the terror state of "Israel" who was shot by snipers for saying that. Or the Israelis dressed up as Palestinians to enter a hospital and kill three Palestinians in their beds. Or every single Palestinian currently kept in an Israeli prison. Or the journalists, doctors, poets, men, women, children, and the unborn all massacred. Or the fact that WCNSF exists now. Or the woman who refused to wash the blood from her hands. Or the dead, unburied and unmourned.
I'm never forgetting those who chose silence in the face of a genocide.
I may not know all their names but I will not forget the over 30,000 Palestinians dead. Or the over 60, 000 people hurt. Or the unknown number of people missing, still lost under the rubble. Or the 12,000 children slaughtered. An entire generation crippled or murdered.
I will never forget these things when Palestine is free.
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