#i know i'm in a worse mood than usual rn but like come on

[bitegore]

ok im ngl delulu is a really fucking annoying word even with the ableism in it put to the side

[live-laugh-lenney]

Hey, sorry if you aren't comfy with writing this/me requesting it but I just want to know if you could do a period comfort type thing with Arthur or Will? On my period rn and my lord it is killing me :/

the girlies are hungry for some willne content so here we go!

she had a feeling.

a horrid feeling that sat low in her stomach, along with the cramps that were contracting her muscles and the damp sensation that she could feel between her thighs, and she couldn't bring herself to leave the warmth and the comfort of the bed to see a bloodied stain left in her place on will's bed because she hadn't been paying attention to what time of the month it was. and she so badly wanted to get up, to check, to make sure she hadn't leaked too much, if at all, on his bed sheets... yet she found herself panicking.

this was the first time she'd started her period in the presence of him.

usually, she would busy her life to the point where they'd go almost a week without seeing each other because her hormones made her feel gross and grumpy and hormonal. and will wasn't stupid and yn, deep down, knew that... but he never went digging and he never forced plans to happen during that one particular week each month. if she knew she was due to start then there was no way she'd have agreed to stay at his place for the weekend.

"if you stare up at the ceiling any longer, the upstairs owner will be in bed with us."

"what?"

her features scrunch up with her eyebrows pinching together on her browline and she turns her head to look in his direction, being met with a cheeky smirk on his lips and a pair of tired eyes watching her, and she could feel her cheeks heating up with embarrassment.

"you'll burn a hole in the ceiling if you stare at it any longer," he says in amusement and she rolls her eyes, "what did it ever do to you?"

"nothing," she grumbles, grasping at his duvet and pulling it up to cover her face, "i'm going back to sleep."

there's a moment where neither of them move... until she feels him tug on the comforter to remove it from her face, only to be met with a tight grip and a straight-up refusal on her part. and he wasn't in the mood to back down, ducking beneath the covers and coming face-to-face with her.

"something's bothering you," he says softly, almost like a whisper, and he can see the emotions written across her face, "what's the matter?"

"nothing," she whines and turns her face away from him, squeezing her eyes tightly and he sighs heavily, dropping his face into the swell of her breasts that were dressed with one of his old t-shirts, "i'm just sleepy. guess i struggled to sleep last night."

"come on," he scoffs and buries his face a little more into her breast, "i know you, yn. i'm not an idiot."

there's a wave of silence and she really contemplates whether she wanted to tell him or not... it was silly for her to be embarrassed over something as natural as a period but she felt silly for getting so upset and panicky over it. it wasn't something she could control.

"you're gonna be grossed out."

"nonsense," he lifts his head and looks at her, "i'm up in your morning breath right now, nothing can be worse than that."

she scoffs and lifts an arm to whack into his shoulder, making strong contact, enough to elicit a groan from him.

"i hate you," she grumbles and he cackles softly, cosying down beside her and laying an arm across her stomach - unknowing to him that she found instant comfort in feeling his warmth and the weight of his arm resting just where her cramps were aching, "seriously, it's gross."

"what is it? i can't help if you don't tell me."

she pouts her lips out and she wants the ground to swallow her whole because this wasn't a conversation she was prepared for.

"i think i've started my period," she murmurs quietly and she's timid when she looks him in the eye, "but i have none of my stuff. no pads, no tampons, i have no paracetamol or clean pants or anything. and i think i've leaked on your sheets and-"

"is this all you were worried about?"

she gulps thickly and he smiles softly.

"oh, you're a silly goose," he shakes his head, "you think i'm not at all prepared for this?"

"prepared?"

"the only thing i don't have for you is clean pants," he admits and he removes the covers from where they were almost suffocating the two of them, "i have everything you need in the cupboard under the sink in the bathroom. tampons, pads, everything you need. as for the bed sheets, we can wash them, no worries about that."

"you-"

"you think i don't know?" he lifts an arm up and brings a hand to cup her cheek, brushing his thumb across her cheek in a soothing way, "i know when you pretend to be busy for a week so you don't have to see me. i know you keep yourself occupied so you can't come over," her cheeks pink up and, yeah, she feels a lot sillier now, "sunshine, i've been with you for over six months now. i'm not an idiot."

"i can't believe you," she giggles sweetly and she stretches her neck to press a kiss to his cheek, "i love you."

"i love you too," he grins, "now, go and freshen up. have a shower, do what you need to do, and i'll pop out and grab us some breakfast."

"can you get some croissants and pancakes?" she wonders and he nods, "maybe some fruit? and some bacon."

"i'll see what i can do," he presses a kiss to her forehead before he swings his legs over the edge of the bed and stands to his feet, "take as long as you want, yeah? i'll some clean clothes for you on the bed for when you get out."

"thank you," she smiles, watching as he dug through his wardrobe for a fresh outfit to wear for the morning, "now hurry up, otherwise i'm going to turn into some hormonal monster. and you won't like that."

"yes, ma'am." xx

[a-small-writer-in-a-big-world]

Screaming and crying rn also, because right after I sent in that ask, I went to go and read protector 2 and, dear writer of mine, how are you so amazing at writing Simon Shhsbsjsbsjbs actually combusting rn, love your work sm.

but! To my actual ask! so, this is another self indulgent one.

Ok, a lot of times, when I really laugh, like, actually mean it, I snort. And I’m really insecure about it, cause alot of people make jokes about it, or make fun of it. Like “you sound like a pig” kinda stuff.

So, I was wondering if I could get price, Simon, König, and Alejandro with an S/O who snorts when they laugh, and they get so embarrassed, cause they think they’ll make fun of em

Bonus++ how would they react to someone making fun of their S/O for snorting when they laugh? ⬆️ This is just a little extra if you’d like to write it

feel free to dilute/leave some parts of this ask out because I understand this is very specific 😅

have a nice day/night! <3

✨—

Thank you sm I'm so glad you love it. I tried really hard to get him right.

This one is easy for me bc I snort when I laugh too.

Have a good day ✨!

Price, Simon, König, and Alejandro with an S/O who snorts when they laugh

Price

It's not rare that he makes you laugh. He usually gets a chuckle or a good laugh out of you when he says something with that dry humor of his

It kind of makes him feel good when he does make you laugh because it makes him feel not so much of an "boring old man" as he puts it

He also just likes to make you happy

So one night while he's on leave, the two of you decide to have some fun playing a game together while sharing some drinks

You both are a little tipsy and in high spirits, so the jokes were coming out easily

Price ended up saying something so funny you couldn't breathe with how hard you both were laughing

Then you snorted and you immediately went quiet.

Your entire body heated up and you placed your hands over your mouth as you avoided looking at Price, the silence from him making things a lot worse for you

You were mortified, just waiting for you him to say something

Price heard it, but he was honestly worried that something bad had happened to make your mood turn sour that quick

"You alright, love?" He wondered and you nodded, though you didn't look okay. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Let's keep playing." You tried to change the subject but he was set on making you laugh again.

Because Price isn't stupid, he put it together and honestly, he was mad that anyone would ever make fun of you for snorting when you're at your happiest

He didn't say anything as he began to tickle you, locking you into his arms so you couldn't get away from him. No matter how hard you tried to get away, he just held onto you and tickled you

"S-Stop! John!" You begged as you laughed so hard you snorted multiple times.

"There we go." He chuckled and kissed you on the cheek.

He likes that you snort when you laugh because he likes when you laugh. It let's him know you're truly having fun

God forbid anyone makes fun of you when you snort when he's around. He's about to become the meanest version of himself because he'll find something to say back

Simon

You laugh around him a lot and at his horrible dad jokes, which makes him feel a little too proud of himself

It enables him to make more jokes and if Soap is around it's like torture

He uses them as a good way to make you happy and when you're happy, he's happy. It's cliché, but truthfully, your happiness is something that is his top priority over everything

Usually those jokes don't make you laugh that hard though, and he's okay with that because he knows you still find joy out of them

One morning you both are laying in bed, you somehow convinced him to lay in bed later than he usually does, dozing in and out of sleep since it was the weekend

Simon was cuddling you and he was content with the silence, but a good joke popped into his head and he just had to share it with you

"Did you know diarrhea is genetic?" He asked and you looked at him with confusion.

"What?" You asked half asleep.

"It runs in your jeans."

It started out soft, your laughter, but soon you were laughing pretty hard at his joke, a lot harder than normal. It had taken you off guard and it was a bad joke, but somehow it made you laugh so hard you snorted

You gasped and placed a hand over your mouth, before you hid under the covers

Simon was confused but oh so surprised at your reaction

He made you laugh so hard, you snorted

It was an ego boost that's for sure and he wanted to make you laugh like that again, your happiness making him actually smile

He began an onslaught of horrible dad jokes, making you laugh harder with each other until you snorted again

He loves it. He already loved hearing you laugh but knowing you can laugh that hard and he's the one making you that happy makes he feel like he can do anything

Death glares towards anyone who makes fun of you and he'll probably say something mean in return

(yes i took the joke from the tlou tv show it made me laugh)

König

Any good moment he has with you, he cherishes because sometimes he gets a little insecure about if you actually like him

It’s definitely just the social anxiety talking but it makes him feel funky so he tries his best to combat those thoughts by making the most of the time you have together

When he makes you laugh, it's almost like all of the bad thoughts get pushed away by and it just makes him feel a lot better than he was

He always sends or shows you things that he knows will make you happy or laugh. It makes him feel like he's doing a good job at being your S/O

(You make sure to let him know that he doesn't always have to make you feel happy for him to be the best S/O you've had. You're always there to support him when he struggles)

One time you both were just sitting in silence, enjoying each others company while he decompresses after getting back from deployment

König was scrolling his phone aimlessly to just occupy his mind before he saw a funny video that he knew you were going to enjoy

He showed it to you, pride swelling in his chest when you began to laugh at the video and he even laughed a little himself before you snorted

When you suddenly stopped laughing and turned away from him, he immediately began to panic on the inside

Did you think he was laughing at you? That he was making fun of you?

Never in his life would he ever want to make you feel that way because he knows how bad that feeling is.

"I'm sorry." He apologized even though it wasn't his fault. "I wasn't laughing at you."

"I know, it's just embarrassing." You sighed and kept your back towards him.

"I don't think so."

He gave you a kiss on the top of your head and slowly after that you felt a lot less insecure about snorting when laughing, especially when he was around

His social anxiety disappears immediately when someone makes a comment about it and he may or may not call them out on it

Alejandro

This man is in love with everything about you and there is no one who would deny that

You and him laugh together often, there's a lot about life that you both try to make the most of and enjoy, especially when he works in such a violent field

He makes sure you're always comfortable around him and sometimes lets himself do embarrassing things to make you feel better about embarrassing yourself

He's 100% your ride or die and he will go out of his way to make you happy or to at least lessen the bad moods so you're not entirely upset

He doesn't joke very often with you but he never fails to make you laugh when he's showing you a movie or something he thought was funny. He also tends to tickle you when he wants to hear you laugh

You both were watching a comedy movie, a way for him to wind down after a long day of work

Something particularly funny happened that had you both belly laughing on the couch and when you snorted, you were embarrassed but you hoped that he didn't hear it over his own laughter, but he had

He didn't think anything of it, he honestly thought it was funny but he adored it so he waited for it to happen again when another funny part came on the tv, but it never did

"You don't like your laugh?" He wondered and you tried to hide your embarrassment.

"I don't like that I snort when I laugh." You explained and he hummed before he paused the movie.

"I love it, so you can do it when you're around me, mi vida."

Over time you stopped feeling embarrassed when you laughed that hard around him

If someone were to ever make fun of you when he's around, he's going to go into a million different insults, but in English and Spanish depending who he's talking to and how mad he is

A/N: I'm so sorry this took so long and also that König's part was short. He's hard for me to write for some reason but I hope to get better at it

[eyrieofsynapses]

Chaos prompts: 46 for the Leverage OT3!

Aaah, sure thing!

I know the worm-on-a-string meme thing was more of a 2016 thing, buuuuut I'm gonna pretend like it happened in 2013-2014 because I like my get-together fics within a year or two post-Long Goodbye. Less edited than my usual fics because I'm a bit short on time rn and can't be bothered.

Edit because I'm silly and forgot: prompt was "Why do you need 500 worms-on-a-string?"

---

Eliot’s gotten pretty used to finding weird stuff on the counter when he comes up to Parker and Hardison’s apartment over the brewpub. Robotic parts, building plans, enough scented sparkly pens for an entire office building (if said office building was made up of children under the age of ten), tiny figurines of people with grimacing faces that could give a lesser man nightmares—he’d say at this point there’s little that could surprise him. So he’s not shocked, exactly, when he comes in with two bags of groceries and has to clear five large bags of brightly-colored fuzzy things out of the way.

Once he’s done putting the perishables into the fridge, he picks up one of the packages and gives it a look-over. Its label informs him there’s a hundred items inside.

“Hardison,” he calls. “Why the hell do you need five hundred worms-on-a-string?”

He’s well aware of the things; Hardison spent a solid three hours teaching Parker how to make them move around a couple years back. Nate had yelled at the two of them five separate times to quit leaving them around the apartment. That was probably because he’d gotten tired of finding them stuck in the silverware drawer, hanging over his bed, and nestled onto the decks of his model ships.

In Eliot’s opinion, absolutely nothing belongs in the produce drawer or any part of the kitchen except for utensils and food. But he hadn’t come down so hard on Hardison that time. The expression on Nate’s face whenever he found a new one was worth it.

As a general rule, questions like this require at least two minutes for Hardison to yank himself away from his orcs and elves and what-have-you before coming into the kitchen. This time the door swings back within about twenty seconds.

“You ain’t supposed to come in today,” Hardison says, frowning hard at him. “Thought you said you were gonna go out with that chick you met last week.”

“She had a work thing,” Eliot says shortly.

(Technically it had been a conference at the same time as their initial date. She’d suggested they do dinner instead.

There’d been a sale on raspberries at the farmer’s market this morning, though, and they tended to start losing their flavor and bruise within about forty-eight hours, and he already had a recipe picked out he’d been meaning to share with the other two for the last month, and, well—

He just hadn’t been in the mood for a date, that was all.)

Hardison raises an eyebrow. “Right.”

“Seriously,” Eliot says, waving the bag at him. “You better not be thinking about putting these all over the pub.”

“Who said I got them?” He’s avoiding making eye contact, shifting his weight in a way that Hardison himself would probably call shifty if he could see himself. Possibly Eliot’s suggestion is exactly what he plans to do; he might have something else in mind that’s worse. Either way, Eliot’s pretty sure Hardison’s at least partly responsible for the packages.

“Uh-huh,” he answers, instead of listing all of that out. Sometimes it’s easier to let Hardison dig his holes on his own.

“Parker loves ‘em, man, there was a sale and I figured I’d get her some. What’s so wrong with that?”

“It’s Parker,” Eliot says flatly.

“She’ll enjoy them!”

She will, he knows that. As in, she’ll enjoy sticking them all over the entire building. He’s going to be finding the things in the walk-in freezer for days.

And she’ll be grinning every second of it, all sunshine and bright glee, laughing like a little kid and looking for all the world like their life was pure paradise.

…fuck.

“I’m holding you responsible if she puts them in the brewery,” he says, tossing the bag down.

“You think I can control her any more than you can?” Hardison grumbles. He moves the bags, though. When Eliot hands him a pile of carrots and a chopping board, he gets to work without complaint.

---

Eliot’s fears turn out to be well-founded. In fact, they’re an underestimation.

He encounters the first worm two days after Hardison left them out on the counter. It’s bright red and twisted around into the shape of a heart, with a tiny message tagged to it that says, in glittery pink pen, HELLO FREND!

It’s tucked into the pocket of his jeans. At his apartment. In his drawer.

“Dammit, Parker,” he growls under his breath. It’s not like he expects her to stay out of his apartment anymore—not after he walked into the living room one morning to find her sprawled on his couch with the TV on and a bowl of pasta in her lap—but there’s leaving a tiny creepy imitation of a rag doll on top of his recipe card box, and then there’s going through his clothes.

…at his place, anyway. At least four flannel shirts have been involuntarily sacrificed for her out of his duffle bags and suitcases. But that’s when his rooms have been beside hers. It never entailed her going out of her way to come all the way out to his apartment, bypass his security measures (which is easy for her but hell for anyone else) and find the pair of jeans he’s most likely to use next, all to stick a note and a fuzzy piece of plastic in the pocket.

He intends to chuck it in the wastebasket and move on. It’s not like she’s going to be short of them anytime soon.

But he’s got to shower first, and then he can’t really be bothered to pull it out, and after that he’s busy cooking and driving to the brewpub and revising the menu and planning the next job with the other two and really, he doesn’t mean to keep it. It’s just that after carrying it around all day it seems a shame to throw it away when he gets home.

He tosses it onto the nightstand, rolls into bed, and turns out the light.

---

There’s a blue worm in the pocket of his flannel shirt the next morning. This one is in the same heart shape, but this time, the note says WORM TIME BABY in matching glitter pen.

He sighs, puts it on his dresser, and goes to water his plants.

That day he finds five more worms in the brewpub, two of which are in the staff area with tags with his name. Amy and the rest of the cooks and waitstaff know better than to say anything directly, but he catches them whispering and grinning behind his back.

The customers have been worse over the last few days than usual. Eliot lets it go, just this once.

They keep turning up, of course; Parker drags out jokes like nobody else, and he resigns himself to keeping them all in a drawer. She’ll be offended if she finds them in the trash all the time, and then he’ll just have to deal with even more. The traffic-cone-orange worm that has the tag PEACE WAS NEVER AN OPTION doesn’t have anything at all to do with any of this.

Days turn into weeks. Jobs come and go. They travel to Canada, where he finds thirty different worms over the course of two days, hidden anywhere from the files to his suitcase to the shower. This time, they’ve got a suite of rooms, one for him and one for the other two, and this, if anything, makes it worse. One time he finds neon yellow worms wrapped around both arms of his glasses.

(If he tries not to wonder if he’d find any fuzzy worms in their room, if he finds himself awake on the couch at three AM the second day—well, it can’t mean anything. It just… can’t.

He never does meet back up with that girl.)

The notes range from short and (though he’d never admit it to anyone) cute to creepy to indecipherable: ARSONIST!, I WILL HARVEST YOUR SOUL, SQUIRM? SQUIRM. SQUIRM!!!, TIME TO SIN, WILL STEAL YOUR KNEECAPS, PERISH, and, perhaps most disturbingly of all, LOVE <3. Unless it’s intentionally wrapped around something, every single worm is carefully twisted in the shape of a heart.

The creepy ones are definitely the most common. It’s Parker, so he can’t expect anything less.

(The LOVE <3 ones show up a lot more often than the others, though. He’s not sure what to make of that.)

He tells her off. Repeatedly. With emphasis. Once he threatens not to bake anything with chocolate for the next month. Every time, she just shrugs at him, pulls a worm out from nowhere (she’s been tying them up around her hairbands sometimes), and informs him with varying degrees of cheekiness that they’re just her friends and really, why would he mind her sharing friends?

“Because your friends are creepy, Parker,” he says once, and she gasps in dismay and pets the top of her worm’s head.

“Don’t say that, Eliot.”

Hardison’s laughing behind him, quiet enough not to be mocking to Parker but loud enough to be mocking to Eliot. He resigns himself to growling at the both of them and lobbing the next worm he finds out the window.

(He picks it up later, because he’s not one of those assholes that litters.)

At the end of the Canada trip, they find a deserted local ice rink and spend half the day messing around on the ice. Hardison’s better than Eliot had expected, good enough to skate hand-in-hand with Parker at a decently high speed.

Eliot tries to stick near the edges and let the two of them have their fun. They won’t let him. He keeps finding one of their hands warm in his, pulling him after them in a chain, and after a while he gives up and allows it. It’s easier than it maybe should be.

At one point Parker tugs them both out to the middle of the rink to make them twirl with her. Somehow, though, she manages to throw her weight at just the wrong angle, and suddenly they’re all toppling to the frigid floor. Eliot manages to catch them so that the blades of their skates don’t come anywhere near close enough to slice anybody’s skin open. This has the unfortunate side effect of landing both of them directly on top of him.

He means to grumble at them to get off, because they’re heavy and the ice is freezing against his neck. But then Parker immediately wriggles in closer, tucking herself up against his shoulder as she giggles. Hardison’s on his other side, squawking indignantly about fragile bones and whatever, but he’s got some kind of pleased note in his voice that Eliot can’t quite parse.

It’s stupid and sweet and comforting and, staring up at the blue, blue skies, he can’t help but want to stay down here for just a little while longer. Just long enough to memorize the sound of Parker’s laughter. Long enough to ingrain the way Hardison fits up against his other side into his memory.

Long enough to believe that maybe, maybe, he’s reading this right after all.

But that’s all kinds of dangerous, so he pushes them off him with excuses about frostbite, hauls himself up off his ass, and skates around the rim of the rink while they stumble to their feet.

They get back to the brewpub at an unholy hour of the morning. He collapses into the guest bed, staring up at the constellations in the glow-starred ceiling until sleep steals him away. Midafternoon, he gets up to find one single worm, smaller than the rest of them, laid neatly on top of his folded clothing. It’s curled in the same heart shape as the rest of them and bright green. (He gets fewer of those than the others. They’re Parker’s favorites, so most of them stay with her.)

Written on its tiny tag in blue glitter pen are the words:

WORM YOU BE MY DATE?

Eliot blinks, rubs his eyes, and checks again. When he finds the same phrase, he heads for the shower, turns the water to winter-lake-ice-cold, and spends a good ten minutes under it.

The tag is still the same when he comes back.

“What the fuck,” he mumbles under his breath. He’s half-tempted to say she’d meant to leave it for Hardison, except…

Except Parker doesn’t make mistakes like that, and she’d have had to go to a lot of effort to get into his room without waking him, and…

He dresses, tucks the worm into the pocket of his shirt, and steps out into the apartment. The other two are seated at the counter. Parker idly stirs her cereal while Hardison mutters at his laptop with a bowl of leftover eggs and rice at his side. They look up when they hear the door creak, watching him.

Eliot holds up the worm. It trembles slightly in his grip.

“What’s this about?” he asks, going for warily amused. It comes out closer to wobbly and very obviously desperate.

They glance at each other, shifting on their seats. Hardison closes his laptop. Parker puts down her spoon.

“We know it’s kinda unusual,” Hardison starts carefully. “And you don’t have to say yes, okay, and if not we’ll shut up and never speak of it again and all that, but—”

“But there’s a special at that place you like tomorrow and we thought you’d like to go and maybe we could go as more than just friends?” Parker asks in a rush.

The world shifts under his feet. Everything blurs, just a moment.

LOVE <3, he remembers. The last few weeks click into place.

“Yeah,” he says, tucking the worm back into his pocket. It takes him an extra try; his hands, always steady, are betraying him in this moment. He’s not sure he cares. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

They both beam, brighter than sunshine, warmer than fresh-baked bread, and he decides that can Parker can put as many worms in his stuff as she likes. This is worth it.

[ghostcrows]

That being said I do wanna talk about something here because I feel like people here might get it more than other places

I'm really sort of grappling with I guess actually accepting that I heavily exhibit BPD symptoms and have for years, like to the point that regardless of my feelings toward that diagnosis and who gives it out and their reasons for it - and despite my reservations toward any type of official diagnosis -AND despite feeling like I prematurely diagnosed myself as a teen and then avoiding the label altogether - I just want to treat the symptoms so that things can get better.

It's very isolating. I feel things incredibly intensely. It doesn't just go away it rattles my whole body physically for days or weeks. When I get attached to people it becomes unbearable for me and eventually, almost inevitably, for that person too

I struggle with what I think must be splitting, where...I think it's not quite as black and white as splitting is presented as where I absolutely hate someone or I absolutely love someone, but it's very close. Usually it's this conflicting mess of both at the same time, this very ugly place where resentment (founded or unfounded) meets complete idolization. It's not a position anybody deserves to be put in and I try to keep it to myself but, it's hard to hide intense feelings. People can usually tell when you're acting moody and weird even if you think you've got a good handle on it. And its incredibly overwhelming

And of course I've got abandonment issues lol...kind of the root of the whole thing right...and of course it becomes self fulfilling prophecy you know how that is...very annoying. Very unfair

And...I can be meaner than I like to think I'm capable of...it's usually a subtle thing but that's probably honestly worse. It's the kind of mean where I can even convince myself I'm not really being mean..but I am. Like. I'm certainly not being nice...and it comes from honestly usually just not knowing how to communicate that I'm in some weird fucking mood. When you tell people you're in a mood a lot of the time they're like oh whats up what's wrong and sometimes yeah you can talk about it to feel better but sometimes there's just nothing. You're just in some damn ass mood. It has not much to do with anything. And when you're in those moods it's hard to be around people and not be irritable and nasty. But it's also hard to be alone with it. And if you isolate you start to feel like a monster who needs to be locked up so that you don't hurt anybody. It's difficult to constantly be in some weird headspace that alienates you from other people.

And im impulsive in like...not quite as extreme ways as severe BPD but I have been there before where I was doing some of those things. It's more things like sending people 20000 texts a second or just like Reacting without stepping away and then having things immediately escalate. Getting to where I'm angry enough that I break things and i hurt myself. Not being able to sit with an unpleasant feeling. Not being able to handle criticism or rejection well

All of that to say... that it is a struggle and it's something I'm looking for good resources on. I'm trying out some self help DBT workbooks to see if that does anything for me. I don't know if I want to try CBT again I don't know how much it helped before but I know most therapists do CBT now ... I keep hearing about EMDR as some magical fuckin miracle treatment but I still barely know what it is. I'm not currently interested in being on medications but I'm not 100 percent against it either. Im at a crossroads with the very idea of therapy where I do think I need it but I also don't know how much it can realistically do for me or if I can find somethijg or someone that works for me. And also I can't afford it rn lol.

So um, if you struggle with this sort of stuff too just like feel free to DM me because I'd really like to talk about it with people who get it. And if you have anything that has helped you with these types of symptoms please feel free to share it. I will look into it

[pondscummy]

the "also sick" comment isn't like "btw I'm SICK, how dare you not know" it's me saying I'm sick like how 2/3 of my roommates are

but like I'm so;;;; it feels so rich that L is like wtf do you want from me about me not replying for 45 minutes when I had to beg his gf over hours and hours of texts every so often to not force me to sit in unwiped shit after my surgery bc she had openly told me she just didn't rly feel like setting up the attachable bidet after telling me for weeks she would, and I never ever got a reply from her or L ever acknowledging that they were wide awake hanging out and laughing while I was like stuck in bed barely able to move begging for follow through on a commitment they made in advance and i eventually had to spend over $100 to hire someone to come out the next day and do it for me and I had to hold my shit for hours lmfao

like L is sooooo great at couching things in flawless tumblr wellness speak but only to talk about how valid they are for not showing up for you and how fucked up it is that you MIGHT ever have a moment where you can't be 100% there w them. like idk what to tell you I've been laying in bed with a sore throat and cough and fever passing out and waking up to roll over in buckets of sweat like the rest of the house. I do genuinely get being annoyed by a lack of response but it's also right back to this whole thing about Always assuming I'm mad at them which is legit one of the only things that actually makes me mad fjdkddhk like bro I do not THINK about you when you're not acting like I'm a bomb about to blow (also, as an aside -- we all take turns buying TP and it's usually me who does it like it's not out of pocket for me to say hey you are the One person who is out of the house already rn, can you get this on your way bc None of the bathrooms have back up rolls and one is totally out and I had to text our sickest roommate telling her to use the bidet and drip dry like.... "am I the first person you asked" yes bc you are the person who makes the most sense dumbfuck. I'm not being "overly needy" toward you or whatever jfc)

they literally told me at one point that the reason they're so scared of me is that my face is "triggering" for them when I'm angry or not feeling good and puts them "back in a really bad place" they have seen my face angry literally 3 times and each time it was on my way back to my room to decompress and each time I said nothing to them other than that I was in a bad mood and I was going to go to my room. I didn't yell either I just said it normal. like I genuinely feel gaslit here like I'm this horrifying monster of a man when it's like dude sometimes people are mad I don't know what YOU want from ME!! I do all my venting here where they can't ever see it even tho we've blocked each other, I censor their name like anyone even knows who they are, I isolate to chill out and it's literally been less than a handful of times like should I fling myself from the roof??????? would that fix it???

I literally know it's bc I'm a man too. none of this was like this until my facial hair came in more and it got crazy worse after I got top surgery and they're so so vocal about how much they despise men and think men should all fuck off and die and there's only a handful of acceptable men that they've personally vetted. despite them pretty clearly having a trans woman fetish bc they only date or look at porn of trans women and they do the whole step on me mommy thing about it even tho their gf has complained like. lmfao you're just a baby te//rf even tho you ID as trans masc yourself. like that's all this even is. I'm a big (5'3") scary (spent the whole weekend w my coworkers asking if I was 12) man who's obviously going to snap and kill you all bc sometimes I *checks writing on hand* get frustrated and go lay down about it

[birchblood]

had the shocking realization that i am more depressed again (it's hard for me to recognize dips and crests in it as i've been struggling with deep depression my whole life). ugh. i'm just so worn out. at the risk of giving too much personal info on here i've been struggling more than usual, in particular since the fall where i was impacted by a mass shooting, and then in january my grandfather passed away and my grandmother (other side of family) decided to go on the warpath against me less than like 4 days after he died and it would have been quicker had i returned her call the day after. since then i've been really struggling w a resurgence in my eating disorder and i've just been overwhelmed the past 2 months. i'm just so tired all the time and really don't have much emotional support from others aside from my therapist, and it's hard. a friend came to visit 3 weeks ago and it was really fun but it's hard for me to talk around all the messed up stuff in my life because a) no one can deal w it tbh and as a result, b) i can't take any more emotional rejection from opening up. like it's just too much for other people. i was doing a little better w food and then it got worse again and i'm just done. i don't feel well, and haven't read for like 2 weeks or watched a movie which is how i know i'm depressed, and haven't wanted to make any art either which is also how i know, and letting my apartment get messy which is another indicator. sometimes it's hard for me to catch because i don't necessarily have the super obvious indicators like slipping in personal hygiene etc and still run daily and have a normal sleep schedule and maintain a "normal" mood/presentation. i also think i have low level depression most of the time so it's not like 0 to 60. and the low level depression is very manageable, so then i don't even consider myself depressed even though clinically i very much am, so then i don't really wonder if i am getting more depressed ever and wonder what is going on when literally i have been struggling w bad depression for ages.

i'm also really struggling w my feelings for someone and how they interact w trauma that's soooo deeply rooted. i don't like being personally transparent about it on here but if you see what i post about the most i'm sure you'll get the idea. the idea of being in a relationship with them is incredibly appealing to me, like i wouldn't want one rn with anyone else, but also really scary as i spend a lot of time keeping people at arms length because that's the only way i can easily maintain relationships without bolting. but i really really like them. and then that whole situation is messed up too and i'm worried i like them for trauma related reasons. but if i don't like aspects of the situation (age difference mainly), and wish it were different maybe it's not coming from a dysfunctional place. i really like them because aside from being attracted to them they've displayed an ability to be alongside what's happened to me in a way that made me feel like a whole person, while also being extremely cognizant of the violence i've been the victim of, and not making it about them at all. they're literally the first and only person who has treated me like that.

i don't know.

[lexpressobean]

I have been enabled so Im gonna go on some more about my 30+ Messy ShinoHina lol (i'm shy but im also easy to squeeze more out of if you're polite enough lol)

More specifics under the cut because this became very... long after all I typed so, I will leave the fluff lovers some songs that really set the mood for me at certain parts of the story here <3 I don't hate fluff, I just need to balance it out with some feral behavior lol!

"Comfortable with the Silence" by Andy Shauf

"Wide Awake" by Katy Perry

"Feelings" by Lauv

"Near to You" by A Fine Frenzy

---

Now, the biggest thing I need people to understand about the whole situation is that everyone, everyone acts less than ideal at some point, to put it lightly. Because ideals are still just ideals, and even if you don't go looking for mess, you will experience it in your relationships as it is inevitable. People make mistakes, bro. And sometimes you just gotta live with what happens. You can't always heal or take it back, and you will experience both things simultaneously sometimes too. And it's shitty and will always feel bad. Stains, and scars, they are just proof that you have lived and have experienced things in life. No one is flawless. No one stays clean. All you can do is learn to cope and move forward with time, while trying not to make it someone else's problem. But that third thing can also still happen unintentionally too, and then new mess happens! Mess is natural. Sometimes, it only seems worse than it really is when all you do is focus on it. Other times, is continuously gets worse because of denial. It's honestly a truly wonderful thing when all parties can sit and really work through things together when Mess occurs, but that's assuming they can do so without getting toxic or distrustful and all that other bullshit that is ultimately counterproductive and makes walking away the healthiest choice at the end of the day.

And that's kind of the point, and my main reason for going this route with Shino and Hinata in a romantic sense. I feel Shino and Hinata are both the most likely, out of all the Konoha 13, to avoid and deny mess at all costs, in any situation, even at the expense of themselves in some way or form. Not just in personality, but also because of their socioeconomic standings too, but I won't get into that part of it too much rn.

Shino's behavior becomes warped more early on at the start of the story. Yeah, Shino has always been more petty and has even said or done things in canon that come off less than stellar, but they are also the kind of things that are usually harmless and finished as soon as the moment passes. But in this case, Shino refuses to act on his long standing desires, which are so strong, he's been unable to truly stamp out his feelings since he was 17, even after his heart really broke for the first time. He feels, knows deep in his bones as Hinata's and Naruto's friend as well, that Naruto isn't the person Hinata should be with. But because he wants Hinata to be happy, and respects her desicions, and because he is her friend, teammate, and fellow noble clan kid at that, he will support her first before he attempts anything selfish. And because he also still sees Naruto as his friend, and someone who at his core is a good person despite his treatment of Shino himself and obvious dumbassery, Shino swallows his jealousy and his judgment and his want. And so, he loses his chance through his self-inflicted restraint. He chooses to do this simply because it seemed like the right thing to do, for his friends. Getting involved the way he wanted to would only make things messy, regardless of how confident he is that things will work in his favor, which probably wasn't much anyway. Because how dare Shino try to impose himself on his... friend, and challenge... his other friend... Shino would never want to hurt his friends... but the thing is, you can't always keep everyone happy. You still count and will always count when everyone is involved. It was his choice to stay unhappy.

Hinata, in comparison, doesn't feel it until later, when it also feels like it's too late. And as it creeps up, she refuses to acknowledge her growing sense of disillusionment after she quite literally gets her wish from childhood, her Infinite Tsukuyomi even! She got what she wanted!! How dare she even think any ungrateful thoughts about her own situation!!! And yeah, maybe her dream didn't become an absolute nightmare... but anything less than a dream come true is still really disappointing, especially when the rose colored glasses come off so late in the game. But being unwilling to admit that will also cause her to grow closer and closer to a breaking point anyway. And deterrents are hell sometimes. The legal binding of marriage, their two kids, the fact Naruto is the Hokage, her already well known standing with her own Clan that, politically, will never paint her in a good light... All of that pressure to keep on keeping on even though she's so unhappy... She'd undeniably be the sole reason for her family 'falling apart', externally, from an outsider's point of view. And no one wants to hurt the people they love, even if they're hurting themselves in some way. Her behavior becomes warped some time later after more developments though.

But, well, it really all begins when they both fucking explode, but they ONLY explode after they're both pushed too far by someone else. But after the dust settles they both realize in their own ways that, point blank it sucks a lot that it happened like that, but they can either succumb to their situation for good, or frame it as something new, like they were both given an opportunity. Only by working past their fears, deterrents, and even false senses of morality will they get to really change their situations. It's about how they do so.

Hinata will explode first, because she will find out that Naruto has undeniably cheated on her with Sasuke. And my mind can't decide how exactly, but in the end, it doesn't matter how he did it, but he did, she finds out and she just breaks down about it all. Shino will follow suit when he realizes Hinata is broken up, and when he finds out exactly why... boy, his coniption will be fucking legendary. But the only person to actually see it would be Hinata, and it's alarming and distressing but especially terrifying because for a moment much too long, she could feel in Shino an intent to kill... and suddenly everything else is so miniscule for that moment because Hinata's best friend would actually fucking try to murder her husband...

W h a t

He doesn't mean to take his anger out on her, and he doesn't actually anyway, but his words and actions in the moment are horrifying and all she wants to do is calm him down, and she does it by pulling from some hidden reserve of strength she has as Naruto's Wife and Mother of his Children. Because it's all so confusing and so bad but goddamn it you will NOT fuck with her family!

Feelings don't disappear in an instant. Shino would know that better than anyone. It's a punch in the gut and really wounds him despite all logic but it's exactly what he needs to just... stop being so crazy. And because of this, after he calms down, and he takes several steps back and probably a seat, he realizes no matter how hard he tries he just can't won't (be honest Shino!) move on either. He will not because deeper still in his heart of hearts, he always knew he wanted to at least try. His main regret is that he hid behind the farce of 'true friendship' to stay close to her, but one can't blame themself for lack of confidence too. Sometimes the cookie will crumble as it may, but now... now as messed up the situation has become, his pent up frustration and regrets and his fucking desire override his logic and his inner goblin man comes out much more often and as fucked as it is, will probably try to gain Hinata's favor while she is still down and sorting through things. He's not doing it on purpose but mans just does not want to wait any longer. Because he was waiting since forever whether he admits it or not and he decides that Naruto DEFINITELY does not deserve this woman. He never did and never fucking will.

BUT... but but but, Hinata... has to just... process everything. Shino promises he was just so upset for her. What? He wouldn't kill Naruto. How could he ever? He is Fine, he is Good, he is going to go home and lay down. And he wholeheartedly apologizes for such an unbecoming reaction... Hinata chose to confide in Shino and flying off the handle like that was entirely inappropriate. Embarrassing and shameful even. Not the support Hinata obviously needs. Of course he will keep this all confidential, of course, no need to worry... She didn't need any of that, and Shino will never be able to apologize enough but all things considered, he will support her as best as he can. He is so so sorry but wants to be there for her, that is the truth.

And it really is the truth, but it still shakes Hinata to her core. That will never be a normal reaction from Shino. There is no explanation for that reaction, but Hinata still trusts him... she knows she can trust him to follow through with what he says... but it itches. It's an itchy and confusing sensation as she tries to dig further into why Shino was so crazy there for a moment? Does it mean something that Shino was so upset, almost more than Hinata even? Was Hinata not upset enough??? Meanwhile she's trying to work things out with Naruto who got caught and even though the threat of death can really put things into perspective fast, Hinata will have to realize there's a difference between loving someone, caring for someone, and being in love with someone. What exactly was she feeling in that moment? And what will she do now that Naruto is coming clean and explaining himself??

.

And on and on like that. As for Naruto and Sasuke, and Sakura, it's like this whole... thing that I'm still exploring. Because as a queer person myself, who's had a complicated journey and relationship with my own queerness, it's something I wanna address too. Because SNS is a crazy ride in itself, and Sakura, she deserves so much more as well...!!!

--

Bonus songs for reading all of this!!

"A 1000 Times" by Hamilton Leithauser + Rostam

"Dance Inside" by The All-American Rejects

"Wave" by Meghan Trainor ft. Mike Sabath

"I'm OK" by Manila Killa & AObeats ft. Shaylen

"Personal" by The Vamps ft. Maggie Lindemann

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

#21

I took like 750 earlier and my days on days of constantly popping pills has brought some kinda shitty side effects. This is a a bit tmi but i figure it would be something that I'd wanna keep track of now. But uh I can now go a whole day without taking a piss. I really gotta work keeping hydrated. I was already chronically dehydrated when I wasn't taking dph but my already not enough water intake with pills that slurp up any and all moisture is definitely not helping. It got so bad that I physically couldn't cry. I'd be in the motion of it but no tears would come. Tho if I'm being real I'm prolly gon do another 500 once it gets a little later. I'm stressing stressing and I just want to pretend nothings wrong for a while. I'm gonna chug hella water in the meantime tho

Warning in advance this post is really long. Both the aftermath and notes are extremely extensive due to me fr fr going through it rn. I figured I'd rather have an overly detailed note that most'll skip but might help one person feel normal than a vague/quick explanation that doesn't give enough info to be of use to anyone genuinely struggling

This is gonna be a long aftermath section cause there's actually a lot I need to explain but if you don't need/want specifics the tldr would be

AFTERMATH

-I think I'm jaundiced rn. I'm not entirely sure as if I am or I'm just looking too hard but I've had previous issues with excess bile so it's a real possibility

-Hella dehydrated. Excessive crying and a high dose has made it a lot worse in a shorter amount of time. I can't cry again due to how little water I have in me

-Appetite has been hugely varies day by day but lately I haven't really been wanting/remembering to eat. It has been damn near 24 hours since I've ate last and even then I didn't eat much. I feel sick cause of it

-I don't feel overly sickly tho. I feel pretty much normalish considering everything that went down last night

The rest of this is a lot of rambling but those points are the general jist of it. Definitely read if you're curious about how all that happened.

....or if you wanna see me whining about R's partner for the probably 50th time now.... T^T

Soo I ended up taking 600/650 (dont remember which) after I was crying for so.. sooo long. I was crying so hard that I gave myself a headache and my stomach/chest kinda hurt from me trying to hold back from sobbing too loudly. I eventually stopped once I had to go upstairs for some toilet paper cause my nose... yuck.. I literally never cry for long enough where that's an issue but I was sulking one second and that SPRINTING up the stairs the next. The shit was threatening to fall out my nose and like... it was either gonna fall on me or my bed or my floor... basically my snot was tryna play flee the facility and while I was in a shitty mood, I was not in a bad enough mood to chill with snot all over me

Though I don't know what possessed me in that moment but I took a video of myself while I was up there. You could clearly see my red ass eyes and my puffy eyelids. I will confess I do kinda like how I look after I cry cause of the puffy thing but I mean. Usually I would have the common sense to know no one else is gonna see it that way so there is literally 0 point to try and take pictures like that.

Sorry slight tangent. I bring all that up cause when I rewatched the video, I noticed that my skin looked a little off. I've been breaking out for a few reasons lately and I was picking at my skin for a bit out of stress. So when I watched the video and it was like.. smooth looking I was kinda like ?? my camera must suck ass. Thats weird

But today I looked at it and I feel like I looked glowyish which was strange. I was just sitting there like, it aint even like shiny glowy I'm just lighter looking.. then I noticed I was weirdly yellow. I was just sitting there looking like.. am i tripping? so I go to the bathroom and I ofc, looked sickly. I mean. That's a given. I took 1.5k in a single day, I haven't taken any since I woke up, barely slept, barely ate, dehydrated, sobbed for hours... I am a hot mess. God. Anyway. I looked way different than I ever had before. I know how I look when I'm withdrawing and this was worse. Usually if I feel like shit, I look like shit but I really wasn't expecting what I saw. I looked yellowish and with my lips being dry it made them look paler/ashy so the combo wass just kinda shocking

Content warning: specifics on stool junk. Skip the green section if you don't wanna hear it

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I've had this one symptom for quite a while now but I felt like it was a bit tmi but at this point, I want to be entirely transparent. When I stopped for that week and relapsed tryna do dxm, I basically felt the sameish as I did before the break and I thought nothing of it. But as I started ramping up my habit again, I noticed that I would need to poo like RIGHT after I took my pills. It was so weird. 10-20 mins after without fail, I'd need to go. Then once I started taking it multiple times a day, I'd also need to need to go multiple times a day. It was so fucking annoying as I'm a person that needs to go a few times a week. Depending on what I'm eating, i'd prolly go 3-5 times a week. So going from that to every single day/multiple times a day drove me nuts.

That in itself was already so annoying but I would've accepted it if that's all it was. But during that time, anytime I had those pill induced shits it would burn so bad. It was the weirdest sensation. I'm sure everyone has experienced eating a spicy food and then immediately regretting it once it's time to pass it. And I mean with that, yeah it hurts but it mostly dissipates once its out. But this shit... oh my god. The burn of it was different from anything I've ever had before. It'd literally hurt for so long after. Not to where it's excruciating but it was just odd to feel my junk burning off some junk I passed 10 mins ago. When I did it multiple times a day however.. that's when I couldn't take it. It'd burn damn near everytime as is but not getting a long enough time inbetween this junk made it sting worse and worse.

Around this time I started to google junk cause it was getting out of hand. My stool was always green during that time so I looked into that first. I saw mostly people talking about it's harmless most of the time and probably diet based but I knew I had to be a special case. So I kept looking when I found out about the possibility of having bile in my junk and it all made sense. My acid reflux has been worse, the burning would make perfect sense, and plus I saw that if your body digests the junk too quick there's sometimes an excessive amount of unabsorbed bile. I irritated tf out of my stomach with all the pills so I would not be shocked my stomach would just want whatevers inflaming out as SOON as possible.

After a while, I just was tired of being in pain and I'd just ignore my stomach whining to get that mess out of me. It was getting to be entirely too much and I knew it'd probably reopen my ulcer but I couldn't be bothered to care

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Anyway I explain all that because when I was looking into jaundice causes all I was seeing was mentions about liver shit and excessive bile can leave you looking yellow/green. With my excessive bile thing happening before, I knew that was probably what it was. I'm gonna hope that the combo of me taking hella pills without drinking much water is what made my liver play me this time. I don't want that to be an actual thing I have to be conscious of.. I don't want my parents to drag me to the doctor's office and if they saw me like that it's basically guaranteed. Honestly, they probably wouldn't even bother they'd prolly go straight to urgent care. I can't even imagine all the explaining I'd have to do.. All the issues the doctor could point out. God. What if they see all the benadryl floating around my system and know I'm abusing them without me even saying anything?? What if they tell my parents behind my back?? I know they can't afford to put me in some fancy ass rehab shit. Where th would you even find that..

So in order to not have my minion-esque skin be what gets me found out, I'm gonna start going out my way to chug water where I can and start tapering off again. I've noticed I haven't really had that sickly out of it feel when I get into the 500+ range so I'm guessing if I lower it from that I should probably be good? I dunno. For now I'm not saying I'm quitting as I have no clue how long it'll take to get used to lower and lower amounts but at the very least I won't be going back to my peak doses. That 750 I took was the most I've had since pre relapse and it'd be so easy to slide back into my everyday 750-1.25k range atp but it really isn't worth it. I'd have to drink so much water to accommodate that and if I do now gotta worry about jaundice I'm sure giving my liver even more meds to process would be a extremely poor decision.

I am exhausted though.. Now that I'm done writing this I'm honestly bouta take a nap

R and her girlfriend are going through a really rough patch right now. To the point where she thinks her partner is going to leave her. She's been real focused on working and stuff and i guess with that she didn't notice that she was going through something..?

NOTES/EMOTIONS

The funny part is she was working that hard so that they could move in together next year. Something they both were really set on. It's kinda sad. R must be so confused.

The thing is like.. this has been a CONSTANTT on and off issue for them. I fully get wanting to hang with her but this is what... 5th? 6th? time that they've had strain because of how much they hang. And that's only the times that my bsf has told me about. It just like.. what else can she do? They still talk everyday and she still doesn't really play/talk to many other people to give her her for the most part completely undivided attention. But at the same point, this is R's first time having a job where she has hours hours. I'm sure that shit can be tiring as is but she literally aint used to it yet. She only started working long long shifts 2-3 weeks ago. She be exhausted. I feel like her partner wants her to just sit there and talk to morning to evening like she did when she didn't have all too many time commitments and it just aint realistic. I don't get why they're still fighting on that

They fight a lot in general. It feels like every few days she'll seem off and I'll be like oh I'm sorry and try and comfort her and junk. But then theyre just "back good" by the next day. I don't think either of em are addressing the real problem if they need to argue so damn much

Plus, I don't see how R doesn't see it but she said it herself she brought up them feeling distant, her girlfriend didn't change literally anything. She said it for herself and still ended up blaming herself by the end of it. She thinks that she was neglecting her and it was her fault for not knowing about her struggles even though she has literally brought it up multiple times... plus she focuses focuses on her once she gets back. SO it's just like.. I dunno. I just feel like her partner just.. aint it

That sounds so harsh but I mean. God. She made R feel like she had to drop all her damn hobbies and "grow up", she makes her feel like shit for STRUGGLING with multiple addictions because R said she'd quit and apparently her relapsing means she was lying the whole time, gives her the cold shoulder whenever she feels like knowing damn well R is terrified of abandonment and'll go nuts and do whatever to get her back whether its right or wrong to, plus like my bsf LOVES weed and her partner wants her to quit by the time they move in together.

To me, I think that the two need to breakup. My bsf's partner clearly wants a whole different person and I don't think R should feel bad for not just forcing herself in the perfect partner mold.

The thing that's been irking me the most is her giving R the cold shoulder when she gets high with no fucking thought on context. She has literally been escaping through that shit for damn near 5 years at this point. I fully get not understanding that shit cause you don't do that sort of thing. I'm glad she doesn't honestly. It'd be one more thing for R to stress on plus she can be her voice of reason.. Well okay if she actually gave enough of a fuck to be a voice of reason she could be. But that's the thing. She just parrots out the "right thing" and get mad that my bsf can't just poof into sobriety. I'm so tired of R coming to me in distress cause her girlfriend is icing her out cause she smoked a single cig. or weed to help her sleep.. Just like. Stupid shit. She gives 0 positive reinforcement whatsoever. How does she not see how damn far R has come??

When I first met her, she'd causally take dxm day after day and get so messed up on that shit she'd actually blackout. She used to stay high or drunk. Didn't matter that it was hurting her. She just wanted an escape. But now?? She is so much more responsible. She actually googles and researches instead of just doing whatever with no concern with her health. She doesn't take dxm anymore cause she saw that it could possible heighten her blood pressure. She doesn't really take dph anymore... tho there has been a few occasions these last few months. She smokes like.. 2-3 cigs a dayish when before she could go through an entire pack within a single day. She only smokes weed every once in a while vs when before she'd CONSTANTLY going through pen after pen

LIKE?? I just. I hate that she makes R feel so shitty for not being 100% with that stuff. I feel like she doesn't believe me when I tell her I'm proud of her for all the changes she's made within the last few months but hearing it from her partner would mean the world to her. How hard is it to just support her?? So fucking selfish.

Plus some of the time she does that shit, she ain't even doing it cause she wants to and her partner NEVER CONSIDERS THAT.R's heart has been being weird for months now. Doctors ain't really been helping too much as far as solutions go and with her liver being fucked beforehand she has to just take it at times. The medicine she has available to her has they own pros and cons. Which leads her to sometimes smoke to not feel that shit so much.

I remember this one day me and her didn't talk much the whole day so I freaked out and tried to get through to her through damn near every form of contact I had. I damn near texted her mom but I thought that would be too much for day 1 so I had a draft written up for if she was gone. I was terrified. She never just dips like that.

...Only for her to text me back about an hour later. I was slightly annoyed at first but once she explained I bout cried. She was in so much pain that she oded on dph so she could sleep it off. She started opening up about how much pain she be in and how the bp pills have so many side effects and she can't really take tylenol anymore cause of her liver. A lot the time when she smokes weed/take dph its to dull the pain of that. It's why I try to be as vocal as I can about supporting her on that shit. I don't want her to be dependent on ANYTHING ofc but I can't imagine having to sit there in excruciating pain with little to help you.

To have your own partner just... disregard that cause she doesn't like her being on anything just grosses me out.

But despite all that, I am still.. so fucking sad for my bsf. She really loves that girl and even with their severely unbalanced relationship I know her partner has her good qualities. I couldn't imagine being in her shoes rn. Feeling like all your accomplishments and growth was for nothing cause at the end of the day you lost the reason you were pushing yourself so hard.

This is honestly the worst case scenario. I've been dreading this day so much. On one hand, if they do end up breaking things off, at least she won't have to deal with all the stressors of being stranded in a completely diff state. I knew being around each other 24/7 would eventually force a lot of their issues to the forefront and seeing how they respond to disagreements as is I couldn't imagine that arrangement lasting for too long. But at the same time.. R is not gonna see their dynamic for what it is until she is long long over it. There are no positives for her in this you know? She's not gonna see it as a lesson to only put your all into relationships once you see the same from them. All she's seeing it as is a another person abandoning her. Another person she isnt good enough for.

I wish I could pull her out that pit myself. I hate that I have to just sit there and watch for now. I remember how hurt I was over a 2mo relationship with a fucking groomer. I didn't accept that shit for yearssss. I can't imagine having someone you have so many memories with possibly leaving from your life

I hope to god she doesn't do anything too rash. I know she's going to spiral.. She's probably passed out drunk rn tbr. And she's prolly gon be hurting herself for a looong long time. It makes me so upset. I hate that she's gonna treat herself like dirt because she wasn't able to transform into the picture perfect partner her girlfriend expected her to be. I wish I could just say a magic word and she'd just be over it.

I don't know how I want to approach comforting her if things do end up ending. On one hand, we used to talk alot more and she was a lot more open about her feelings pre treating-her-girlfriend-like-she-treated-me mode so would it be good for me to try and get her back to that? Does that come off as me trying to replace her gf? Will she think I'm just tryna make her like me back and I'm just rushing to steal her partners spot? And plus like.. I know how this shit goes. No matter what I say or do she's still going to hurt. Will me trying to distract her just annoy her? Is that actually helpful?

God.. I feel like I've been writing forever. I'm sorry. First time in a while and I just started going on and on. But that ll is a pretty thorough breakdown of everything on my mind right now. I am so scared on what R is going to be doing to try and cope. And I'm scared that her possible ex is gonna be a sore spot for her for a while. I'm not really hoping they get back together but I kinda am at the same time. I wish that they'd break up on R's terms. I know the after stuff would be a lot easier on her that way. She would've already come to the terms that their relationship aint feasible for one reason or another which is a huge step as is.

Buuut. nope. Well. Ig it aint guaranteed. They might not breakup at all. I'm gonna hope they do tho. She doesn't need someone that'll sit there and purposely punish and hurt her cause they don't get their way. Sorry again for the long ass notes section. I'm just really scared

[starseers]

hi! so basically I was wondering do u have any tips on can someone know for sure if they have alters or if it is singlet fluid identity or personas/ocs/etc? what does singlet fluid identity look like compared to a system switching through alters? when u only know two possible alters how can one know more when no communication method has worked? and is it normal for one alter to stay at the front for a long time and just not think about whose fronting and such and still be a system? how did u figure it out if u are okay with sharing..

Okay well that's a lot to go through, gonna tap the "I'm not a professional, just a dude" sign again though, were also dyslexic and just generally bad at processing things so sorry if we read something wrong

First of all, I've never heard the term "singlet fluid", so I can't give input on that. I'm gonna guess you're questioning if your a system though. It's a... Weird experience.

I did ask our partner system (@sleepysystem-vibes ) for some input though, and here's their response;

For how we found out- This is a bit of a hand me down story cause I'm a new(er) alter, so excuse lack of details, but an old host had been looking into intrusive thoughts a lot and found an article comparing intrusive thoughts and DID. It was a shit article looking back on it but it got us on the right track.

We looked into it a bit more and basically, it filled all the holes any other things we've researched couldn't fill. Not hallucinations, not intrusive thoughts, and not mood swings.

The best advice I can really give you is just go with your gut. Most systems I've talked to all say it just felt right, either that or they were suddenly diagnosed.

You can ask yourself simple questions though:

Do I have gaps in my childhood?

Do I deal with often dissociation/derealization/depersonalization?

Do I ever feel like I'm watching my life from a TV screen/ not in control of my body?

Those are just some I can come up with off the top of my head, but they can be helpful.

For OCs vs. alters- oh boy don't worry, we went through that too. It's even worse when your ocs are also alters. Introjection can make things confusing lol

We actually started our whole discovery process because of OCs. There's a barrier between daydream and sentience (that's likely the wrong word but I can't think of anything better rn). We realized these "OCs" we're still being "daydreamed" even when we stopped and we gain traits and characteristics of them, which is partially natural, we all pick up traits of characters we like. However, there were periods when these traits would come and go, later learning that's certain alters moving close and away from front.

I honestly can't be much help in that department though, it just took a lot of time and communication for us. If they want to be know, they'll tell you. The best thing that helped us was the phrase we still use during low days; "You wouldn't have to question this if there wasn't a reason to question it."

Something is there that makes you turn your head, and that's what you should focus on.

For switching- switching is... Complicated. There's different types of switch, different experiences, different experiences depending on the alter- etc. I'd recommend looking up "possessive switching" and "non-possessive switching" to help you figure out if you are switching though.

For how one alter can know more than another- dissociative barriers. Simple as that. The disorder is made to protect you from intense childhood trauma, it's just part of the shebang. Don't know what that means? Google is a luxury we don't realize! Look it up.

For alters staying in front- that is extremely common. It's usually called being front-stuck. It's a miracle I'm even fronting right now considering our host is painfully front stuck a lot. It's natural, and it'll pass. Same for not knowing who's fronting. If you mean as in not caring to ask who's fronting, that's normal too. We've flat out forgot we're a system multiple times before! Life just gets busy and frankly? It's not healthy to fixate on your system 24/7 like most would suggest.

Now, best tip of all? Don't depend on social media. Google research papers, they're there for a reason and easy to access. Hell, I don't know your situation but if you're at all able, go to a therapist- specifically a trauma specialist because anything else will likely waste your time. There's a lot of misinformation online, especially about dissociative identity disorder, be careful who you listen to and check the credibility of what you read. Don't even take my word for it, you have no idea who I am, I'm not even an adult! We got lost in a shit ton of misinfo at the beginning and I'd hate to see you fall in it too, with that being said though, I wish they best of luck to you!

[alongtidesoflight]

👀🏳️‍🌈💘👌👅💦🍆😘 for Wyatt and Remus :3c pls

Hope you're doing okay as you can be rn; saw your health posts so I am sending you Vibes

coming right up! well, a couple days later, but you know how it is. questions taken from here if anyone's wondering. nsft so under the cut. minors dni, i will block you. heavy kink mentions so i advise y’all who are of age to stay away if that isn’t your kind of tea. (also thank you! i got released a couple of days ago and i'm feeling pretty okay-ish now. still get occasional exhaustion spells and pains, but it's nothing a bit of sleep and painkillers couldn't fix. just taking it slow now.)

👀 - What do they look for in a sexual partner?

For Remus, I answered this question here already.

Wyatt likes to look for people with low self esteem, someone he can get some GOOD pleasure out of before sending them away for good, and probably a little worse for wear. 

🌈 - Sexual fantasies?

Remus isn’t really taking a lot of time out of his day to dwell on sexual fantasies, but on the rare occasion that he does, it’s usually him lingering on memories of previous things he did with his partners. He hasn’t delved into the whole deal too much, so he lacks a lot of perspective. There’s definitely horizons to be discovered.

Wyatt has rough sexual fantasies in general and refuses to entertain the thought of anything but. Slapping, spitting, insulting etc., there’s no room for softness with him. It’s his way or no way at all. And at his worst, there’s sometimes a dose of misogyny sprinkled in. Imagine trying to uphold a patriarchy after society collapsed.

💘 - Kinks?

Remus is into some worship, edging, orgasm control, and has a healthy appreciation for legs and feet.

Wyatt is big on sadism, dominance, power play, degradation, humiliation, watersports, and all kinds of things that probably make other people’s skin crawl.

👌 - Favourite position?

For Remus, I answered this question here already.

Wyatt prefers when people are bent over in front of him, on all fours. Bonus points if they’re on a dirty surface that his partner can’t avoid being pressed up against, but he’s barely touching at all.

👅 - Oral sex. Do they prefer giving or receiving?

Remus is into giving and receiving equally. To him, being pleased is just as satisfying as pleasing someone else.

Wyatt prefers receiving and he’s really sparse on giving, if he can be convinced at all.

💦 - Any traits or physical attributes that really turn them on?

Remus is mostly looking for signs of strength paired with a certain softness to people’s features. Looking strong enough to hold their own, but with an edge of visible tenderness, that’s what he’s into the most.

Wyatt is the type of man to demand physical perfection of his partners. High standards, but refuses to budge or listen when someone criticizes something about him. If anything, that just makes him defensive and lash out.

🍆 - Do they prefer rough or gentle sex?

It’s a mix of both for Remus, depending on what the mood’s like. As a baseline he leans towards gentle sex, though. His life’s a good outlet for any built up frustrations and he prefers leaving them at the bedroom door.

Wyatt prefers rough sex, through and through. He’s not much into holding hands or being gentle, he’s not into any emotional connection throughout it at all, honestly. Someone would have to really get under his skin for him to let them in.

😘 - Are they affectionate during sex?

Remus is always affectionate during sex, twice as much if it’s a rougher fuck. He needs it more than anything else, even if he’d never admit that out loud.

Wyatt would rather stop the entire deal than be truly affectionate during it. Kisses? Not gonna happen. Vulnerability on his end? Yeah, no. Hugs? He has to laugh. Compliments, sweet pillow talk? Nah. Nope.

[dervampireprince]

Ouch, that must have hurt, gonna have to kiss your finger once more, see if it heals a bit better 💕

Oh, hey, there's no shame in that, I might have thought about how a smug little prince sucked and bit at my neck while relentlessly teasing my nipples when I was not getting up this morning, so you know, add a leash to the mix and the knight could have been made to fuck him while all of that was going on. It does sound rather, hum, enticing 😳

Sleep is taking a bit to come, even if I'm all curled up with my shark and a warm blanket, so those cuddles do sound fantastic, dear heart 💙

it has started healing back up thankfully, just looks a bit worse for wear.

oh? i know you bring up chest touching and idk if you've noticed i never really mention it back even though it's your chest not mine part of my brain is like hhhhh like it gets worried that if we have same chest therefore you'll think equals same gender and i know that's not the case so i need to get better at like,, being attracted to people with chests 😅 sorry not to rant on a horny thing, and it doesn't make me uncomfy for you to talk about your chest, and i'll probably like get better with the idea of touching someone else's chest once i don't have my own anymore. idk it sounds stupid to be like 'touching someone's breasts even if they aren't my own can make me feel dysphoric' cos i'm not sure that it even is dysphoria or just worry. but i used to feel like that with vulva's too and now i don't care so uh.... wow i uh sorry that was basically a way of saying if you noticed that i don't like include bits about touching your chest when i write sorry! that doesn't mean you can't bring up me touching your chest though! i'm okay reading about it or having it suggested i'm just not good at writing responses to it probably mainly because like i've never touched my own chest, even way back when i didn't know i was a dude and didn't recognise dysphoria yet, i've just never wanted to so i also don't know if i know like.. how too? or what would feel good? like how to make someone feel good by touching their chest??

sorry i think i'm in a :/ mood for a bit, not cos of you, family drama stuff by which i mean just normal stuff happening but my mum makes a big deal out of it and yells about it to everyone until we're all mentally exhausted and drained. so i'm probs just a little more sensitive than usual rn.

i think cuddles are in order

[joon-ipersgirl]

"dance with me" - jhs twoshot

genre: strangers to lovers!au, fluff, tiny bit of angst

pairing: hobi x reader (f)

summary: this is the first part of hobi’s birthday twoshot where he meets a girl on a night out on the town but loses her (a better summary will come later)

word count: 1.8k

warnings: some cursing, mentions of alcohol, not a happy ending rn

a/n: whew it's been a minute. as per, school and work are kicking my ass but i wanted to write something for hobi's birthday. i actually finished this first half on time but was stuck on the second half before i decided i should make this into a twoshot. i'm going to finish it though, hopefully soon. i’ll edit everything later. either way, enjoy :)

full masterlist // part two

“Guys, I really shouldn’t,” Hoseok laments.

“Why not?” Jimin whines from his sprawled out position on Hoseok’s aging leather sofa. “It’s been weeks since you’ve come out with us.”

Hoseok shrugs. “I’ve just been… busy,” he finishes lamely.

“Doing what?” Jungkook challenges from the kitchen, his voice barely carrying over the low hum of the open refrigerator.

“Okay, I guess I haven’t been doing too much. I just haven’t been in the mood? Life is just a lot right now,” Hoseok says as he picks at the fraying carpet on the floor. He really should get a new one.

“So, let us help you feel better!” Jimin rolls off the sofa, narrowly missing Hoseok’s head with his legs and keeping his leather pants intact. “A night out dancing with your best friends. Maybe a few drinks. You don’t even have to bring anyone home if you don’t want to.”

Hoseok is still iffy on Jimin’s proposal. Usually, he’d be the one encouraging his friends to enjoy a night out on the town but starting his new job at the architectural firm downtown a few weeks ago had really taken its toll. He knew that he’d have a lot to learn when he started but he didn’t think it’d be this much, the new programming and drawing systems much more sophisticated than what he’d remembered during his undergraduate matriculation. Hoseok spent much of his free time practicing his skills, exhausting himself late into the night. All he wanted to do was rest but it was proving to be challenging after his friends showed up on his doorstep tonight, demanding he join them.

“I don’t know, Jimin.”

“You don’t have to know anything. Look, if you aren’t having a good time by midnight, I’ll call you a cab home myself,” Jimin offers. “And Jungkook will buy you your first three drinks,” he tacks on after seeing Hoseok’s unwavering expression.

“Hey!” Jungkook exclaims from the entryway.

“It’s the least you could do, Jungkook. You’re literally eating him out of house and home right now,” Jimin says, pointing to the roll of kimbap Jungkook has in his hands.

“You can’t drink on an empty stomach,” the younger one counters.

“You ate an hour ago.”

“Fair enough,” Jungkook concedes. “Get dressed, Hobi. Drinks are on me,” he finishes around a mouthful of food. Jimin beams, turning to Hoseok.

Sighing, Hoseok reluctantly drags himself to his feet. “Fine. But you’re buying me drinks and dinner. Nope. I don’t want to hear it,” he says, holding up a finger. “Give me ten minutes.”

“Yes!” Jimin cheers as Hoseok heads to his room.

Twenty five minutes later, the three young men arrive at Antarri’s. Known for its strong drinks and booming bass, Antarri’s had become their regular stomping ground. It was safe to say a few other patrons recognized them in the dark; the trio’s dance reputation preceded them. On any given weekend the establishment would be flooded with young people ready to let loose their frustrations. The proximity of the city’s two major universities being just over a stone’s throw away may also help.

“Okay! Shots first!” Jimin yells over the incessant chatter. Hoseok shakes his head but follows his friend deeper into the club.

“What should we get?”

“Nothing too crazy -” Hoseok starts.

“Tequila!” Jungkook interrupts, waving his arm frantically for the bartender’s attention. Both Jimin and Hoseok blanch at the suggestion. “What? I’m buying. I should get to choose.”

Jimin shrugs. “He is buying.”

Hoseok rubs his forehead, already feeling the splitting migraine he’d have tomorrow morning. Alcohol never seemed to agree with him and he’d learned many times what pushing his limit did to him. Still, he doesn’t protest when Jungkook orders, “Your finest shots of tequila, my good sir.”

Maybe the night would pass by faster this way.

“Okay guys. What’s the game plan?” Jungkook asks around a mouthful of lime.

“Just have fun. If you’re leaving, send a text will you? I don’t want another repeat of last time,” Jimin huffs and sets his shot glass down on the counter.

“I wasn’t even gone for that long!”

“You came back the following evening missing your shirt and a shoe, Jungkook,” Jimin frowns.

“Okay but -“

“Guys,” Hoseok interjects. “Not the time.”

“Right. This is about you, Hobi. We’re going to have a great time. And you -“ Jimin points his finger at Jungkook.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ll text the chat that I’m alive. Let’s go!” Jungkook says, pushing off the stool and heading into the crowd.

Hoseok shakes his head at his younger friend. He worried about his safety sometimes.

“You sure you’re up for this?” Jimin checks in.

“Yeah, yeah. Go have fun. I’ll see you in there,” Hoseok responds. Nodding, Jimin pats him on the arm before setting off.

“Remember, I’ll call you a cab if you aren’t having fun,” he calls over his shoulder and then disappears.

Moving over to a less crowded part of the bar, Hoseok leans against the wall. Already his shirt is starting to stick to his skin. The music blares at an obscene level he feels in his bones and he welcomes the feeling.

Though an architect by trade, Hoseok knew his way around a dance floor. He wasn’t captain of the university’s dance team for no reason. Music was a language Hoseok translated with his body, each syllable corresponding to a particular movement as he listened to each rhythm and rhyme. Closing his eyes, he lets it speak it to him.

It doesn’t take long for him to get lost in the feeling. Limbs moving freely, Hoseok glides across the floor easily. He’s not concerned with the curious onlookers as he grooves to one of Billboard’s latest bangers. A small crowd has started to form around him but Hoseok ignores them as he spins through a move. Then, he sees you.

His body sputters through the movement until he slows to a gentle rock, eyes trying to focus on you through the pockets between people’s heads. You aren’t looking at him. Too engrossed in your own movement as you vibe with the music. Hoseok almost feels as though he’s watching himself dance. Intrigued, he moves closer.

He’s pretty sure he’s never seen you here before. Granted he doesn’t remember every face he sees but Hoseok is positive he would remember you because of the way you move. Blinking, he feels like he’s in a trance as he watches you turn, your hips swaying in time with the beat. Hoseok realizes he’s not the only one watching you. A few other guys have gathered but you ignore their presence, favoring to dance alone. Hoseok chews his lip. Did he even have a chance?

The music changes and Hoseok watches you change your movement to match the tempo seamlessly. He smiles. He would do exactly the same. Smooth RnB filters out over the sound system and Hoseok calms his beating heart, finding his own rhythm again as he slips back into his translation. When he turns, he makes eye contact with you, a small smile on your lips as you regard him. He’s pretty sure it’s the alcohol that makes him bold enough to take a step towards you.

Though you don’t move closer, your eyes don’t leave Hoseok’s. A silent exchange happens between you as you continue dancing and Hoseok matches your movements while maintaining his distance. Hoseok nearly holds his breath as you tentatively step closer. If he were to reach out, he’d surely be able to touch you. He doesn’t though. The two of you continue to dance in front of one another, though not with each other as the song changes.

When you turn - back towards him and continue dancing - Hoseok isn’t too sure of what to do. He doesn’t want to impose and ruin your night but he sure as hell would love to dance with you. He takes another tentative step forward, the space between you what chaperones at prom would call encroaching on dangerous territory. Still, he doesn’t touch you though he’s sure you can feel his breath dance across your skin.

It’s you who makes the final move.

He feels your fingertips brush against the outside of his thigh until your fingers wrap around his and place them on your hip. Jeans slung low on your waist, Hoseok’s thumb rests against your bare skin. He lets his other hand settle on the outside of your thigh, his touch light so not to scare you.

Chest against your back, Hoseok matches his hips with yours, the swell of your ass pressed tightly to his crotch. When you curl your arm around the back of his neck, fingers splayed in the hairs at his nape, Hoseok squeezes you in reflex. The heat of Antarri’s only grows worse as you continue to dance and another small crowd gathers to watch you.

Hoseok has never felt so at ease dancing with another human being. He feels like you’ve been partners since you were three and took classical ballroom together for eighteen years. You read his movements and he reads yours as you trade the role of leader and follower back and forth. In all honesty, Hoseok doesn’t want the night to end, especially when you hit a particularly dangerous move - bending at the waist with your hands on your knees, the push back firm as his hand ghosts your back. He has to stifle a groan at the sight, more than a few ungentlemanly thoughts surfacing in response.

Spinning you around, Hoseok gazes down at you as he slots one of his legs between yours. A gentle smile crosses your face and you rest your hands loosely around his neck. Hoseok gently brushes your damp hair from your forehead. You don’t look away as his hand comes to rest under your jaw. He watches your tongue swipe against your bottom lip as he wraps his arm around -

“Y/N!”

The moment is broken at the scream of what Hoseok assumes is your name.

“Y/N, come on! We have to go! Code Blue!” Hoseok loosens his hold on you as you step away. Before either of you can utter a word, your friend is pulling you through the crowd and away from him. Over the din of the music, he faintly hears you call a “Sorry!” as you disappear.

Stunned, Hoseok stands in the middle of the crowd as your figure slowly becomes lost in the sea of swaying bodies. He feels like he’s just stepped out of a sauna, the trance you placed him in lifting as people start to fill in the space around him now that the show is over. Hoseok rubs his face in frustration. How could he have let you leave like that? How was he supposed to find you?

“Hobi! Hey Hobi!” Hoseok turns at the sound of his name to see Jimin elbowing his way through the crowd. “Hey, are you okay?”

Sighing, Hoseok nods.

“Okay,” Jimin says wearily. “Do you want to leave?”

“No, it’s okay. Jungkook still owes me two more shots. I gotta collect.”

Jimin grins. “That’s the spirit! Come on, let’s go.”

Tossing one last longing look to what was supposed to be a promising night, Hoseok follows his friend to the bar to forget what could have happened.

full masterlist // part two

joon-ipersgirl, 2021

[avenger-hawk]

You're probably the only person on Tumblr who can give her followers hard replies instead of rotton cotton candy to personal stuff without making the other peson feel like they got reduced to dust. I'm the oldest in my family, I thought I'd get stronger overtime when it comes to criticism and lectures from the older people, but I don't. Somehow, even after I was diagnosed with a mood disorder, it got worse? All my mistakes get magnified, and I get questioned more and more? Whether it'd be about my weight, my face, success in uni, and even my hobbies (which is what hurt the most about this). I can't win. If I read, they would question the genres I choose. If I watch a film other than stupid blockbuster movies, they go 'why so serious/sad?' If I listen to music or buy a record, they would question whether I know the importance of saving and do it. If I watch anime, they would ask why do I still watch this kiddy thing? That I'm not a child anymore and must know the hardships of life. My younger but identical sister gets excused, because she's cute and says 'i love you' with hearts often to them. When she makes mistakes they go 'aww its ok you learn' whereas I get those eyes and deep disappointment, sometimes I wish they went back to caning me. They never say to her'why did u choose this performing arts degree it is useless n how are u going to survive?' or 'why are you spending money on things like slime?' And even when my younger brother plays games every single day without studying, they dismiss it with 'boys will be boys.' and let it go. I should be stronger about this, but instead I topple on the inside and get really hurt. All the years of trying to do the best in my role as the eldest, getting good grades, looking after my siblings, aiding in every family crisis as possible, just recently I realize I became the child to be trusted and relied upon to get things done and uphold family image, but I am also not the child my parents or other family members would choose to smile, laugh, joke or enjoy going to vacation with or shower affection on. That role got taken by my siblings and I didnt even notice it. I'm not asking for extra attention, love or excuses, I would go back to the days where I get forgotten as they try to appease my younger siblings if it means getting a peace of mind. I feel like I'm losing it, getting gunned down like this and the tears sting like fucking acid.

Yeah I give ppl hard replies and tbh I have no patience anymore cause my life is hell rn so I’m not exactly in the mood for caring. I’m sorry about your situation, I hope you’ll be able to move out of your house, since you sound like someone from one of those countries who can do it. Families have their own dynamics and older siblings are usually those who try to fit parents’ expectations more while younger ones are more free and/or they feel less pressure or they don’t care, my sister was the same while I felt and feel everything like a failure, but since I get along with her I don’t mind. Maybe you can talk to your parents and tell them how this dynamic hurts, or maybe it won’t work cause they won’t notice. I don’t know, sorry

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: That hoodie was yours anyway so welcome for finally getting it back Jimmy: Knew the 🚬 hole weren't you 🤓 Janis: cheek Janis: I've took well good care of it Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: it's too early for your condescension Janis: 🤐 unless you're saying tah for not having to walk home in a mini skirt Jimmy: but not too early for your 🤓 words, eh? Jimmy: I get it, only one of us is allowed to show off Janis: showing off your pins in the PM is a different vibe completely to the AM, trust Janis: be well 💔 if you got molested/hate crimed Jimmy: Oi, it's well 💔 that you've forgotten how 💪🏆 I am, pisshead Jimmy: 👻🥊 Janis: 1. you were AS wasted, you didn't even get home so, worse, some would say 2. you pretty much pissed yourself when the kid came charging in so I might need reminding before I believe that again Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: is it though Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: but if you need it SHOUTED, alright Janis: gonna need 📣 and then some Janis: back in the middle of nowhere now Jimmy: should've said, you could've had the 🐑 costume Jimmy: Gracie'd never 👀 you Janis: had to happen eventually Janis: the last thing I wanna do is #twin Janis: hopefully she ain't here Jimmy: easy, just steer clear of the ✨ Janis: not so easy at this time of year Janis: shit gets everywhere Jimmy: if you ain't up to the challenge, Jill Janis: seeing as I avoid them a lot better than you do Janis: pretty confident on that Jimmy: #whenshesnotthelassyouthoughtshewere 😭🎻💔 Jimmy: but it's alright I'll ❌ out the bollocks and leave the compliment about how you look Janis: 🙄 cry me a river, dickhead Jimmy: nowt challenging about that Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: glad I ain't gotta fake my 😍 right now Jimmy: too 🥺 about leaving me an' all, obvs Jimmy: ALWAYS on the same page, us Janis: Obvs Janis: don't worry, christmas with my family is shit enough that's what they'll all reckon from the 😒 Jimmy: weren't Jimmy: only 1 of 'em is in our target audience Jimmy: and if she were a 🖍 it'd be no dickhead's fave colour Janis: just 💪 that I don't need the day off Jimmy: DUH Jimmy: so impressive, you Janis: tah for the validation Janis: christmas came early Jimmy: long as it's just 🎄 Jimmy: don't need that rumour spread about, tah Janis: 😂 Janis: save it for the bitter breakup Jimmy: for all the dickheads in my DMs it'd put off, there'd be lasses taking it as a challenge or compliment Janis: true Janis: just go with my original plan and pretend you never existed Janis: what's more damning Janis: 👻❓ Jimmy: sir weren't having that Janis: number 1 fan? Jimmy: of me having a beard so he can have me behind shut classroom doors Janis: an idea Janis: I'll just out you Jimmy: new lad with no mates ✔ Jimmy: shit home life ✔ Jimmy: worked it all out, him Jimmy: gutted he can't do the same with you and your 😈💡 Janis: how many teachers they need for an official ring? Jimmy: dunno, tried to google it, well distracted now Janis: 🚨🚨 Jimmy: undercover 👮🚔 perks Jimmy: it were all for a case, mate Janis: too real Jimmy: 💰 on Mia's dad trying that one on an' all Janis: oldest trick in the book Jimmy: #defensesquad Janis: in good company Jimmy: first time he'll have heard that Janis: except from his delightful daughter, obvs Janis: no news on how in the shit she is Janis: I'll 🔍 Jimmy: I'll ask Asia, nowt that lass won't tell me Janis: aren't you #blessed Jimmy: 🎁 that keeps on giving Jimmy: and you reckoned 🎄 came early for you Janis: 🤢 Janis: too early for that as well Jimmy: if I open my DMs to find she's wrapped a bow round herself you don't wanna know, I get it Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: I really  don't Janis: 'til you're gonna go there and then give me 48hrs notice tah Jimmy: never gonna be that pissed, you're alright Janis: 😏 never again, is it? Janis: my grandparents were in a mood so maybe you did spray their bathroom with puke Jimmy: never her Jimmy: and you could be proud of me for finding their 🚽 dickhead Janis: never said I weren't Janis: they don't know how challenged and northern you are Jimmy: what I'm hearing is you're dead proud they never heard me 🗨 Jimmy: 🔇🏆 Janis: you must've been signing Janis: I dunno Jimmy: if that's what I were doing with my hands I'm chuffed you can't remember owt Jimmy: be a piss poor review Janis: I weren't THAT drunk Janis: but I'll keep that 🤐 in my general daily praise of you for the socials 🙄 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I weren't Janis: twat Jimmy: 👌 Janis: U G H Janis: what are you doing on your day off then Janis: 'cos yeah, I caught that bit of their 📞 Jimmy: whatever he wants Janis: cute Jimmy: leave it out, I know you caught how 😁 he were an' all Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt ain't just for you, Joan Janis: I was being sincere, actually Jimmy: were you? Janis: yeah Janis: it's cute he likes you so much Jimmy: he don't know any better Jimmy: give him a bit Janis: you've got a few years 'til hormones are an issue Jimmy: tah for the reminder Janis: 🤷 Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: better off 🤞 there ain't any more Janis: could always book him a vasectomy for his 🎁 Jimmy: least my mum dunno which doorstep is ours to leave any 👶 on Janis: silver lining Janis: my sister'll be here with her brats now Jimmy: I should've got you a 🎻🎁 Jimmy: Have you got Libi an' all? Janis: you should've booked me a medical coma Janis: yeah, we usually all get together, at least for the meal Janis: it's ridiculous Jimmy: tah for my invite Janis: 🎟 to the 🎪 Janis: nah, you're alright Jimmy: so what, been working on my 🤹 for nowt? Jimmy: 💔 Janis: you could come to midnight mass Janis: that's a fun thing my sister forces me to do Jimmy: I get it, you didn't get your 🎄🔥 Jimmy: as a stand in goes, any heathen'll do Janis: it's Catholicism Janis: all 😈 happily welcomed Jimmy: alright then Janis: 😂 yeah right Jimmy: if our kid ain't asleep, he can do my sister's head in for a bit Janis: you want a chance to piss off my other nan? Janis: she'll probably love you 'cos shit home life ✔ Jimmy: I were in it for the 🎨 but you've sold that an' all now Janis: 'course you were Janis: why not Janis: if I HAVE to go Jimmy: can I borrow your 👼🏽 ootd or is it too fucked from last night? Janis: Sadly that literal piece of fabric I'd wrapped around myself did not last the evening Janis: you'll think of something, I know Jimmy: it'll be round a 🎄 by now Jimmy: whoever's got the 🥇 shrine going Janis: graced by my 🍑 Janis: what could be more 🙌🙏 worthy Jimmy: nowt OBVS Janis: tah babes Jimmy: [a picture of all the carnage Twix has caused with these decs cos she's a naughty bab] Janis: 😬 uh-oh Janis: no more nice list Jimmy: can kinky Jesus top that for 🎨? Janis: top of the list always Janis: favourite son Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: I get why you 💕🙌🙏 me now Janis: ha Janis: fairplay I'll lead with that comparison when introducing you Jimmy: it's a good shout Janis: it's not but it's blasphemous Janis: might get an exorcism out of it 🤞 Jimmy: I can't help being white, soz Janis: this is my 🤶🏾 so she'll be vexed x2 Janis: well done Jimmy: not calling you a slag again but if you wanna give me my 🏆 in a way that'd have Jesus chuffed to bits and her fuming, I'll live Jimmy: 💭 on it for a bit Janis: 🤔 Janis: washing your feet with my hair or??? Janis: ask Gracie, hers is detachable Jimmy: I know you don't wanna twin but about the only place I ain't found strands of yours is between my toes Jimmy: tah for not making me hold it back last night Jimmy: two handed job, that Janis: if that's what you were doing with your hands, loads to brag about in the review Janis: I dunno then, fish supper? Jimmy: stick it in the group chat ❌🤮 bit and we'll see if 💀👑 still has her phone Janis: about my lack of a gag reflex? Janis: #hardrelate and they're 😭😭 they lost it Janis: more valuable 🍒 Jimmy: her dad wouldn't agree and he'll not have stopped 😭😭 about that lad Janis: can get surgery to pop that back Janis: her ma will know Jimmy: 🎄🎁 sorted Janis: he'll still KNOW Janis: no going back to being 👸 Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: who's not got a dad now, like Janis: #disowned Jimmy: if she kills herself and I get stuck with her 👻 Jimmy: that there's a REAL rom com, soz babe Janis: happily let her take you off my hands Jimmy: 👍 Janis: forever ever is an awfully long time Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: gutted I don't have a 💍 to do you a fake proposal at midnight mass Jimmy: need a Sharon leaving her tat about, sort it out Ian Janis: leaning into the hallmark romcoms there Jimmy: your nan not a fan? Janis: god knows Janis: literal, probably chats about her daily with him constant Jimmy: 😂 Janis: poor bloke Janis: not even a nun, stop bending his ear like you 💍 him Jimmy: #godssidechick Janis: she's used to it Janis: 😱 Janis: LOVES the priest and all Jimmy: OMG how fit and mysterious is he? Janis: Well there's a NEW one, can you believe it Janis: haven't been in years, like Jimmy: !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy: @graciegurl I NEED a makeover RN Janis: she'll be too busy trying to match with a baby Jimmy: 📷 tah Janis: what? Jimmy: come on, I wanna 👀 see who's 😭 more, her or the 👶 Janis: oh Janis: [probably already harassing ruster and the kids so have at those socials] Jimmy: what did you think I meant? Janis: that would wanted her to 📷 her motd for you to copy or something Jimmy: 🥇💡 out serve her 👗 in the eyes of god Janis: is that really a challenge though Jimmy: nah, which is why I won't actually bother Janis: sure she won't either Janis: not in a 😍 way, just the wholesome 😇 thing Jimmy: as excuses go, it's a 🏅 for participation again Janis: well you'll see why when you get there Jimmy: LOVE it when you bust out a threat Jimmy: 🤤🤤🤤 Janis: it's not a threat really but again, sure you will be Jimmy: SO 😁 me Jimmy: sod off 🎅 I'm waiting for god to hand out the 🎁🎁 Janis: ugh don't Janis: she does think she's a fucking gift from god Jimmy: I wanna hate her but obvs that's where you get your big head from, girl and I 💕 that about you Janis: shut up Janis: I ain't nothing like her Jimmy: 🤐 Jimmy: one of a kind 🏆 Janis: just not a cunt Jimmy: thank GOD we're faking this 'cause that's totally my type Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: go on Janis: go have a good day Janis: see you later Jimmy: say piss off like you mean it Janis: come on Jimmy: what? Janis: I just don't want to talk about my family Jimmy: alright Jimmy: crack on slagging off mine for a bit if you want Jimmy: piss easy 🎯 Janis: I'm alright for it Janis: I'll go put myself in that coma Jimmy: nice of you to give Lucas a 🎁 Jimmy: I'll fake not feeling left out Janis: oi Janis: I gave you presents Jimmy: not an induced coma though, were it? Janis: crack on if you've got a spare 5 minutes Jimmy: for you, always have 💕 Janis: so goals Janis: isn't that another Sandy film? Jimmy: not her in the coma Jimmy: but there is sibling bollocks that Gracie'd lose her shit over Janis: yeah but she does fuck a dude in a coma, more or less Janis: is what I'm getting at Jimmy: she's desperate for it, til she ain't Jimmy: not fake dating the way we do it Janis: so she pussies out at the end Janis: 🙄 Janis: expected better of you, Sandra Jimmy: it's ages before then, trying to crack on to his brother as soon as he shows up, her Jimmy: ain't a kink unlocked, Lucas'll have to elsewhere to feel seen Janis: you know the best sites, share the wealth 👮🚨 Jimmy: might if he's got a 🎁 for me Janis: it's the detentions when we get back Janis: no patience, you Jimmy: be long gone by then Janis: sucks for you then Jimmy: you'll have to tell me about it Janis: what, in my 💌s Jimmy: slide into my DMs, baby Jimmy: won't be that many J's in there Jimmy: if we're going back up north no dickhead knows their alphabet that far Jimmy: 👶 names stop at G for Gaz Janis: yet your ability to think up obscure J names knows no bounds Janis: weird flex but alright Jimmy: 🖋🎨 Janis: oh I get it Janis: Bill talking right now Janis: 👋 lad Jimmy: valorous m'rning, wench 👋 Jimmy: at which hour art thee going to leaveth this daw and runneth off with me? Jimmy: that gent cannot coequal readeth 'r writeth Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Jimmy: how shall thee knoweth thou art did love?!! Janis: I feel like Asia any time any lad opens his mouth Janis: don't fully know what you're saying but I know I like it Janis: 🤤🤤🤤 Jimmy: he's taking the piss out of me, 'course you do Janis: of course Janis: SUCH a bully, me Jimmy: the angelics were last night Jimmy: you've got today off Janis: s'what 💀👑 crying on in my inbox right now Janis: not like she actually makes it her life's mission to be a massive bitch to everyone or nothing 👌 Jimmy: show us Janis: [Mia acting the victim like THAT WAS TOO FAR I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'VE DONE THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE etc] Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: bit rude of her to give me fuck all credit Janis: the obsession is real Janis: plus why blame a lad when you can a girl Janis: more drama more fun 🙌 Jimmy: do you wanna do something? Jimmy: no challenge to go further Janis: Don't know Janis: if she's bullshitting how serious it actually is, there's always NYE to fuck up as well Jimmy: alright, do you want a night off instead? Janis: it's christmas eve Jimmy: and? Janis: only the really unlucky work it Janis: and 🎅 Jimmy: there you go then, be piss easy to do 📵 Janis: but you've got your brother Jimmy: weren't gonna put him on a selfie ban an' all Janis: he would be gutted Jimmy: he's already watched Rudolf get bullied by the 😎 lad who looks like he were in a reindeer boyband, bit of the glowing red nose for him it were, but we know how it ends Jimmy: he'll dry his eyes and be alright Janis: that film is brutal Janis: should come with a warning, tbh Jimmy: that'll be why Ian put it on for him Janis: seems like his cup of tea Janis: if your difference makes you useful, then we'll start being alright to you Janis: dunno how being deaf is gonna get all the prezzies out on time but you know Jimmy: toughen up and get a job, lad Jimmy: dunno what you're pissing about at Janis: being 6? psh Jimmy: when he were 6 he were down a mine, DUH Janis: and that's why you're short Janis: got it Jimmy: and that's why I've gotta wear 👠 Janis: Alright, you can borrow a pair Janis: don't beg Jimmy: soz that I wanna be a slag for Jesus Jimmy: his foot fetish is well known, gotta go above and beyond 🏆 Janis: 😂 Janis: slags4jesus is the name of the women's group she runs so Janis: fit right in Jimmy: sign me up Janis: 'course Janis: really, you just try to one up each other with the best 🍰s and who the father LOVES more Janis: well like the gals, so easy Jimmy: well in, I'll do a 🥧 Jimmy: cut my 👶🦷 on crusts 🍺s and 🥔s Janis: down the mines, I remember Janis: she LOVES a sob story Janis: obvs, the bible is one big 😭😱🤯 read Jimmy: that's him, my only job were being a MASSIVE letdown, obvs Jimmy: employee of the month every time Janis: even barista boy is preferrable Janis: at least you can't be a mistake, being the first, like Jimmy: still managed it 🏆🥇💪 Jimmy: middle kid's the only one they wanted, bit awkward she's a girl, like Janis: 👎 unlucky, Ian Jimmy: unlucky for me I am his Jimmy: 😒 an' all Janis: you don't need to tell me Janis: nothing more disappointing Jimmy: 🤞 for my sister she ain't Jimmy: be nowt better as a 🎄🎁 Janis: What do you mean? Jimmy: having a different dad would be #ultimategoals Janis: or something to have a complex about Janis: go find the other cunt and he's just as shit Jimmy: he'd have to go some Jimmy: or be 💀💀💀 Janis: give a bloke a chance and he'll just disappoint you Janis: 2 of my sisters have a different dad, and he's just as shit, just not dead Janis: not like your mum was hiding a 🤴 right Janis: fairytale shit Jimmy: Oi, that don't sound like you've been taking notes from Rudolf's #rideordie missus Janis: obviously you're the exception to every rule Jimmy: late but decent save, mate Janis: no point diving 'til you need to Janis: always premature, you Jimmy: not with ankles like yours Jimmy: and I were born late, ALMOST like I knew how grim it were up north Janis: shut up Janis: like I'd play goalie anyway, though they always try it 'cos I'm the tallest Janis: typical you too, awkward Jimmy: not enough 👏👏🌹 for you, I get it Janis: just boring Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you know, you're a lad Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Jimmy: SUCH a lad, me Janis: just an observation but take it as 👏👏🌹 if you're hard up for it Jimmy: tah Jimmy: not having 💀👑 in my inbox is a real blow to my big head Janis: if her dad ever lets her out again Janis: hit you up to 💔 me hard, I'm sure Jimmy: I'll have the 🥀 ready Janis: if that's a metaphor for your inability to get it up for her, get Jimmy back, Bill, trying to talk here Jimmy: 😏 Janis: can you even imagine Janis: have more fun with a cheese grater, seriously Jimmy: 💰 on Asia's dad being a right good time Janis: yeah, well you 💘 her Janis: got to have got that sparkling wit from somewhere Jimmy: hang on, these reindeer are proper starcrossed Jimmy: behind bars and all sorts Jimmy: 📝 Janis: despite what Mia reckons, don't think her daddy can jail us for this Janis: have to go a bit harder Jimmy: count me in Jimmy: reckon I'm gonna have to go a bit harder to get Ian's feet out from under the table here an' all Janis: 👍 Janis: sooner the better Janis: festivities are doing my head in Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: if Sharon gets namedropped any more than he has done, I'll be 🍽 for her tomorrow Janis: ew Janis: Sharon, you not got a family of your own? Janis: someone we can call, like Jimmy: sounds like she's got kids she'd be bringing Janis: 😬 Janis: that's hell Jimmy: 🤞 he's all 🗨 and ain't gonna risk showing her what his happy family's like Janis: nothing better than a 'best behaviour' christmas Jimmy: I dunno, today's gonna win some 🏆🏆🏆 Janis: you're loving rudolph and your #ladsladslads time, don't lie Jimmy: finished that, about to go on a massive 🐕🏃 before I smack Ian Jimmy: so festive Janis: I'm pretending I'm 😴 Jimmy: top fake snores, yeah? Janis: that and hiding under the covers 'til they fuck off Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: I can piss off if it'll give you away Janis: don't worry Janis: they know I ain't, as my oldest sister rudely came in and tore my blankets off me Janis: still ignore them just the same Janis: sign language you taught me is well helpful Jimmy: you're welcome Jimmy: still loads of time to get more lessons in before the hol is over Janis: 🙌 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: least the kid will enjoy your walk Janis: and the 🐕 Janis: obvs Jimmy: 😒🚬 and 😎🖍 Jimmy: 🐕💔 'cause you ain't here Janis: 😏 Janis: tell her it's mutual Jimmy: tell her yourself, you ain't mute Jimmy: 🗨💌 Janis: am too Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: should've said you lost your voice last night Jimmy: what could be more #goals or a better alibi for not grassing up 💀👑 Janis: should've had this 🥇💡 last night Janis: idc, she knew it was us, it was obvious, half the point Jimmy: talk to me then Janis: I am Jimmy: 👂? Janis: oh, I get it Janis: you wanna chat so you look 😎 too Janis: yeah, alright Jimmy: the health of your vocal cords is well important to me and my nursing kink Jimmy: nowt else Janis: practice makes perfect Janis: go ahead, least then I can pretend this is a private conversation Jimmy: [sings her a song from the Rudolf film like hey] Janis: [dramatic late 90s slow jam that it is lmao, how could you not lol] Jimmy: [Bobby may be deaf but the other peeps out and about aren't so I'm loling, oh jimothy] Janis: [just like, have you considered going on whatever x factor equivalent is a thing now] Jimmy: [talking about how much their fans would love that and they'd be starcrossed af while he's doing it] Janis: ['dedicate every performance to me, pretend I'm dying in some hospital somewhere, miraculous recovery for the finale'] Jimmy: ['be a top plot twist when you kill me'] Janis: ['press'll have a field day'] Jimmy: ['Ian'll be chuffed to bits' because we know his mum's disappearance got some attention locally hens] Janis: ['lives for attention too, yeah?'] Jimmy: ['you'd be a great match, you're right'] Janis: ['you'll have to introduce me'] Jimmy: ['come round tomorrow, more the merrier, clearly' thank god I'm not actually gonna make you spend it with Ian's gf though] Janis: ['just tell the kid he's got to be a dick, not all cute and friendly, she won't wanna come back'] Jimmy: ['hang on, I'll get him practicing, have him kick this dog or something'] Janis: [noise equivalent of an eyeroll] Jimmy: ['what were that?' as if we don't know] Janis: ['you're a dickhead' but a light tone we're not fuming lol] Jimmy: [say it back but likewise not in a fuming way] Janis: ['any fans out?'] Jimmy: [sending pisstakey pics of people who definitely aren't fans that she won't see til this phone call ends to make her lol 'nowt we could go where there wouldn't be' like we're SO popular which is another pisstake but honestly where's the lie] Janis: ['true, even the sheep rate us'] Jimmy: ['first class representation'll do that' because that sheep costume was great and we all know it] Janis: ['good times' not even lying] Jimmy: ['the lad'll be heartbroken you ain't here an' all if he wants to craft in a bit' because also true] Janis: ['he don't need my help, or yours' lil art hoe but we sad 'cos bored and fuming about xmas lol] Jimmy: [noise equivalent of like mhmm without being that cos he's not one of the gals, when you open your mouth to say I need you though after that but obvs can't and don't] Janis: ['you twirling the cord 'round your finger?' like he is one of those gals] Jimmy: ['might be'] Janis: ['alright, tease' 😏] Jimmy: [a noise like he's so OTT offended like call me a slag or anything else but not that] Janis: ['soz, but if the secretarial role and blank expression fits, babe'] Jimmy: ['I ain't trying to be my dad's type, you want Mia on your other line, babes'] Janis: [a noise like ew, okay, this is weird 'I'll stop'] Jimmy: ['stop what?' like we're playing but really we're like don't stop talking to me ILY] Janis: ['you shouldn't have provided such a compelling narrative, but her in my inbox is enough, if I have to HEAR her attempt at a Southside accent, like you're not from here as well Mia'] Jimmy: [a noise because we sincerely and genuinely hate her so much] Janis: ['caveman works better, who's type is that but mine, obvs'] Jimmy: ['hang on, I'll do a twitter poll'] Janis: ['you're meant to be having a day off' the affection in our voice] Jimmy: ['I don't want one' true but we'll pretend it's fake if we have to] Janis: ['junkie' and a jokey tut] Jimmy: ['that's every dickhead I ain't made a latte for all day'] Janis: ['the shakes are real, Gracie's fucked her steady hand, like'] Jimmy: ['explains the shit make up' harsh sir] Janis: [lols but gasps like we're so SHOOK hunz 'you that wanted the makeover earlier, like'] Jimmy: ['never said I could do any better'] Janis: ['you don't need any, bastard'] Jimmy: ['neither do you, no need to mard at me' again where's the lie] Janis: ['I ain't, but I can see why they obsess over you, don't know whether to punch you or fuck you'] Jimmy: [a lol] Janis: ['choice is made easy with me by how straight they are, especially Mia and Ella' like lofuckingl hen] Jimmy: [a bigger lol] Janis: [silently 😍] Jimmy: ['if you wanna do the full face of silver again, won't mard at you' cos what a look tbh] Janis: [hmms like we're pondering 'how many hickeys do you still have?' adds 'that'll be on show' quieter, because we know and we remembering 'if it's not a lot, a red lip might be a fair shout to show how much we're sinning'] Jimmy: [lost in our thoughts being distracted af for a while there because we already missed the bae but now we MISS her as well 'not as many as you' isn't even true but 1. we're competitive  and 2. we're shamelessly asking for more here like it isn't christmas eve and we aren't starcrossed rn] Janis: ['can't have that...' also distracted, obvs 'he'll be going to sleep well early, yeah? so santa comes sooner' 'cos I do remember going to bed earlier like the sooner you're asleep the sooner he'll be here 'could do something more fun than singing hymns before, maybe'] Jimmy: ['he's got the tracker but if nowt else I'll cause a sugar crash' because kids all do be tracking Santa now on an app like gotta get to bed before he flies over your area lol but jimothy is like you WILL go to bed early Bobert because he already wants to get away 'reckon I could pick you up without causing an actual one though' because not above stealing Ian's car and abandoning it somewhere on christmas eve, it's very deserved] Janis: [makes an ugh noise, like don't even with that bloody tracker lmao 'but I can walk now' 'cos just assuming that's what he means, as per] Jimmy: ['but Ian deserves to more than you' because he does and how funny is that as a visual him trying to find his car, sucks to suck sir 'he might like the middle of nowt, move us there an' all'] imagine the next door neighbour cliche haha] Janis: [catching on like lol, alright 'never mind wifeswap, houseswap it is'] Jimmy: ['pick him a sheep, give it a blonde dye job, name it Sharon, paradise for him, that'] Janis: [just like ewwww] Jimmy: ['alright, I hear you, no farmyard threesomes at my housewarming' don't worry bae, won't fuck a sheep lol] Janis: ['I'm just thinking about how I look like a sheep with a blonde dye job' pouty voice] Jimmy: ['shut up' like NO YOU DON'T 'you look-' remembering that we can't just out ourselves 'fit, mysterious and obvs, most importantly, goals'] Janis: ['you would say that' like sheep shagger lol] Jimmy: ['never even seen a sheep before that nativity bollocks, me' oh manchester never been there but I have heard you are shit] Janis: ['I forgot you ain't moors and dales Northern'] Jimmy: [an OTT how dare you kinda noise like you should remember everything about me] Janis: ['I know, I know, gotta study for the next Q&A'] Jimmy: ['gotta go cry my eyes out'] Janis: ['shh, baby' 😏 'twix will comfort you'] Jimmy: ['does look a bit like a sheep, her'] Janis: ['you are an animal'] Jimmy: [a pisstakey grr or whatever which everyone out and about will enjoy I'm sure] Janis: ['do that again' like you're SO into it but we're obvs loling] Jimmy: [does though because no shame] Janis: ['perks of a deaf brother is he has no idea how embarrassing you are, I get it now'] Jimmy: ['not saying I deafened him cos my sister hates me or owt but'] Janis: [gasps like OMG and does the eastenders duff duffs] Jimmy: [loling again because we're just having a lovely time with the bae] Janis: ['so on brand for you' like you did cripple me 'what are you gonna try tonight, like' like how you gonna injure me again but it just sounds saucy] Jimmy: ['I'll think of something' cos we're thinking all the saucy things now] Janis: ['I believe in you'] Jimmy: ['more than that other dickhead' yeah we do mean santa lol] Janis: ['no need to be jealous, he was a right let down for us all'] Jimmy: ['I ain't, my lap's never been a letdown for you'] Janis: [just a noise so then we're like 'shut up' but soft 'cos we're embarrassed] Jimmy: [telling her to do it again like she did but not in a pisstakey manner at all this time] Janis: ['you should be here, then you could make me make whatever sounds you wanted'] Jimmy: ['in a bit' but with way more feeling than it suggests, like that's a promise honey] Janis: ['good' likewise, practically a sigh of relief at the prospect] Jimmy: [a sigh from him in return but because he wishes it was now] Janis: ['I-' and whatever we were gonna say is not gonna be said '-I've gotta go, I think' tbf the fam are probably being annoying so go moodily sit on your phone] Jimmy: ['you-' likewise we're not finishing that sentence 'should piss off then' but soft because we're not annoyed we're just forlorn] Janis: good chat 💪🏆 Jimmy: [sending her even more hilarious 'fan' pics because we gotta do something to cheer us] Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: when ain't that flasher looking bloke in my DMs, honestly 😂 Jimmy: #same Jimmy: if you were after a threesome, he's the one Janis: we don't need to spice it up Janis: we proved that Jimmy: won't bother asking him if he needs a lift in a bit then Janis: just saying, 💀👑 literally threatened to tell my ma on me Janis: like go ahead, I don't wanna fuck her so Jimmy: your mum might be after a bit of gossip about what a cheating slag 💀👑 is Jimmy: SUCH a bad influence for Gracie, that Janis: sadly not that kind of Sharon Janis: though she already hates her 'cos who don't Jimmy: chuffed for her that she ain't in the running to 💍 Ian Janis: we only PRETEND you're my hot step-brother sometimes Janis: don't ruin the fantasy, guys Jimmy: they've got form for not being seen again, and the orphan at 🎄 bollocks is a bit too cliche even for you, my dear Janis: fine Janis: at least take my sister then Janis: ffs Ian Jimmy: which one? Janis: oldest one Janis: I don't want you to meet her Jimmy: knowing him he could go through 'em all before new year's Janis: ones already dead so it's only 3 Janis: easy Jimmy: there you go then Janis: IOU Jimmy: 💀💀💀 me before new year's and we're even Janis: Promise Jimmy: and have a 💭 where we should leave his car Janis: I know a place Jimmy: I knew you would Janis: I am half criminal Janis: his stereotype is correct Jimmy: me an' all, he just ain't been caught for owt Jimmy: that #whiteprivilege Janis: 'cept the arse slapping Janis: but I ask you, is it SUCH a crime to tell a woman to smile more? Jimmy: slap on the wrist then though, bit poetic Janis: bit kinky Janis: frankly, he was into it Jimmy: 'course Janis: does depend though Janis: do you want his car left alone or do you want it burnt out Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: one you should answer Jimmy: depends if chauffeuring you about is gonna become a regular thing, more like Janis: if I was bothered about that, I'd just date a 17 year old Janis: there's 2 real options, or 3 Jimmy: it's 45 + or nowt for you, Janet, every dickhead knows that Janis: exactly, got those lifts on tap Jimmy: probably shouldn't make my sister that easy prey for Lucas and his mates, the rivalry would be knackering Jimmy: my fake age's already getting a bit old for him 💔 Janis: then there's 2 options Janis: we can put it in a ditch Janis: that might result in a bit more damage, but it might also make him think someone else nicked it? idk Janis: or we can just put it in a field by mine, less damage but it'll be more obvious it were you, if that's what you want Jimmy: I don't reckon he'll pack up and move just 'cause there's dickhead car thieves about Janis: more obvious the better Janis: alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: just don't crash on your way over Jimmy: I won't have had chance to get pissed, it's alright Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 🥛 out for 🎅 not Ian's precious 🥃 OBVS Janis: very wholesome Janis: nothing to do with how depleted his stock is Jimmy: 😏 Janis: imagine how wrecked 🎅 would be by the end of the night Jimmy: bit like you last night is what I 💭 Janis: You had the outfit Janis: uncanny, some would say Jimmy: alright, enjoy your 💭💕 Janis: shut up Janis: if I was that pissed, wouldn't even remember it so there Jimmy: it were an unforgettable outfit Jimmy: and you've got loads of 📷 Janis: 😏 Janis: I'll go 👀 then Jimmy: go on Janis: don't distract me Jimmy: why not? Janis: because Jimmy: ? Janis: I already want to see you Janis: don't make it worse Jimmy: you won't if you forget about me 👻💔 Janis: that's only the plan for when you've fucked off Janis: or if we end this before then Jimmy: getting Lucas to comfort you in detention, yeah I've heard Janis: just inevitable, that Jimmy: just that #fated Janis: like you said, he strikes when 💔 Janis: #grooming101 Jimmy: it's a 😭 shame the Sharons all are too old for him Janis: biggest difference between him and his bezzie mate Ian, obvs Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: they work around it Janis: so solid Jimmy: OBVS where I get my work ethic from Janis: must be Janis: we'll be nice and not call it an addiction Jimmy: keep you on that list until after 🎅's pissed off Janis: BABE 😤 Janis: I'm ALWAYS nice to you Jimmy: never said you weren't Jimmy: and wouldn't in case you kick off, proper nightmare, you Janis: 😭😭😭 OMG Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: the real #goals Jimmy: 🔪or ✂👅 Janis: ✂ would be satisfying Jimmy: bit rude that we're PRETENDING my 👅 isn't Jimmy: but alright, from 💀👑's SUPER straight POV, I get it Jimmy: closed mouth 💋🐸 Janis: if she's not gonna blow you, you aren't allowed to go down on her Janis: s'like, the rules Jimmy: #daddyperks Janis: only man big enough to trigger her gag reflex Janis: how romantic Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 😬 feel sick myself Jimmy: you said you wanted turning off Jimmy: job done Janis: not exactly what I said, bighead Jimmy: shh Janis: or what Jimmy: you know what Jimmy: we'll be back at square 1 Janis: fine Jimmy: is it? Janis: 😇 Jimmy: wings did suit you Janis: got some weird looks bringing them back on the bus Jimmy: surprised you didn't 🔥 knowing what you're like Janis: should've Janis: they aren't actually mine but dunno why I let that stop me Jimmy: whose are they? Jimmy: 🤞 for your gay brother tbh Janis: he isn't the camp cliche Janis: thankfully Janis: but my mum is weird so swings and roundabouts Jimmy: UGH fine, I'll be the camp cliche your family is missing Janis: thanks Janis: just what I needed a fake boyfriend for tbh Jimmy: duh Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Oi, don't 🙄 @ me Janis: 🙄🙄🙄🙄 Janis: it's @ the 🌍 Jimmy: nice try on the 😇 for that sec Janis: it's not in my nature Janis: believe it or not Jimmy: that'll why it were such a good costume Janis: Rude Jimmy: it's a compliment, dickhead Jimmy: take it Janis: that I'm a right bitch, yeah, tah Jimmy: that weren't what I said Jimmy: nowt but 😈's getting me out of here Janis: works for you Jimmy: and what, me needing a hand off you does nowt for you all of a sudden? Janis: didn't say that Jimmy: what then? Janis: just reminds me I'm here for the foreseeable Jimmy: I'll shove you in my bag, SO flexible, you, I've heard Janis: and you're so funny Jimmy: you ain't heard that anywhere about Janis: you gutted they're not gossiping about your fit personality Janis: poor baby Jimmy: sounds about right Jimmy: 💔 these dickheads don't know everything about me Jimmy: all I want for 🎄 that Janis: it's great fun Janis: really recommend Jimmy: 👍 10/10 5⭐s Jimmy: you're alright, I've been there, done it Jimmy: bought the 😎 Janis: dunno why you want to go back Jimmy: never said I did Janis: yeah but Janis: don't you Jimmy: for what? Janis: same reason you wanna leave Jimmy: never said that either Janis: everywhere's the same Janis: why does it matter that you piss off Jimmy: it don't matter to me Janis: alright Janis: I get it Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: don't be a douche Jimmy: how am I? Janis: just no need to be condescending Jimmy: I weren't Janis: 👍 Jimmy: you get it, that's not nowt when I'm shit with words Jimmy: take your 🏆 Janis: should've been more obvious Janis: all you care about is your brother and sister Jimmy: don't @ my manager, tah Janis: 🤐 Janis: coffee IS your passion Jimmy: ☕💕 Janis: top 🥉barista boy Jimmy: *🥇 Janis: I put you on the podium, don't push it Jimmy: I'll push you off yours if you're gonna be a dickhead Janis: *pedestal Janis: we can confirm 🥈 alright Jimmy: steady on 🤓 Jimmy: and yeah, you can give yourself 🥈 often as you like Janis: you won't be invited to 👀 Jimmy: don't need an invite when I've got a long lens, babe Janis: 😡 just FYI Jimmy: 👀📷 Jimmy: FYI my 🐕 might look a bit like you but she's a shit muse Janis: 1. so complimentary today, definitely posting all these animal comparisons to the 'gram 2. never work with 🐕, 👶 or 👶🐕 Jimmy: I could do better but you told me you couldn't hack it Janis: no I never Jimmy: don't make it worse, you said Janis: fine, do Jimmy: [a 🔥🔥 sext that's full of compliments because she asked for it] Janis: okay Janis: you're Jimmy: I wanna see you an' all Janis: I can't stop thinking about you today Jimmy: it'll chuck the outfit back on if that were it Janis: not just that Janis: but it was a bonus Jimmy: what else? Janis: just Janis: you were fun Janis: and hot Janis: I don't know Jimmy: Oi, am I not ALWAYS? Janis: shh, you know what I mean Janis: I want to see you especially hard today Jimmy: I'm just taking the piss, you're alright Jimmy: I get it Janis: you better Janis: or I will have to make sure you feel it Jimmy: I already do feel it but that ain't a no Jimmy: on owt you wanna make me do Janis: that's a 💡💭 Jimmy: go on Janis: I keep thinking Janis: we could make use of the car Janis: 📸 some more evidence for you Jimmy: you're impressive Janis: I selfishly just want to, but if we can make it useful we do, that's the rules, yeah? Jimmy: yeah Janis: but you can call me impressive all you like Jimmy: you can earn it however you like Janis: fuck Janis: why are you the only lad that's interesting Jimmy: why do you want other lads to be interesting? Janis: I don't Janis: I didn't think you would be Jimmy: rude Janis: 'cos you thought I would be Jimmy: I wouldn't have picked you if I didn't Janis: I've got eyes, not saying that Janis: it's Janis: I didn't expect this, obviously Jimmy: fit AND mysterious, that means I were interested Janis: reasons there's gay rumours, I guess Jimmy: I don't care what the dickheads at school think, I'm telling you what I reckoned Janis: I'm glad you picked me Janis: for loads of reasons Jimmy: me an' all Janis: I didn't disappoint then? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: you make it very hard to beg for validation, you know 😏 Jimmy: you make it well easy to beg for all sorts Janis: I wanna hear Janis: I really want that Jimmy: alright but I'm not saying it in front of all your sisters and nans Janis: well that ain't what I want either, oddly enough Jimmy: go to whatever hiding place your mum ain't stashed 🎁🎁 Janis: we always find places to be alone Jimmy: impressive, I said it Janis: I don't disagree Jimmy: good, 'cause it'd only be for the sake of Janis: I'm being nice Janis: I want to be, to you, anyway Jimmy: I don't disagree with that either Jimmy: you're being so Janis: you've earnt it Janis: today would be more shit if you weren't about to talk to so Jimmy: I don't need to go on about how #relatable that is when there's loads more you wanna hear me say but Janis: rude of me when you're not much of a talker Janis: like it when you do though Jimmy: [call her up again this time to talk her ear off in a saucy manner boy] Janis: [into it honey] Jimmy: [we know what #mood you are both very much in rn and where that's heading lol] Janis: [I hope you hear Ian, not in a weird way but fuck you lol] Jimmy: [agreed also not in a weird way] Janis: [start as we mean to go on, and we're fucking you over sir] Jimmy: [not soz because you're literally one of the worst parents we have and that's saying something] Janis: [you do deserve it, even if this doesn't produce the effect you want Jimothy, not soz about that either though] Jimmy: [am very soz you're gonna get hurt but not soz you're staying here with your bae forever] Janis: [yeah that's not nice, we are running awayawayay] Jimmy: [and taking all our faves with us, unlucky Mia] Janis: [we can skip now we've made you pine though?] Jimmy: [yeah we know the vibe is that you're hating life until you can be together and your fams would be keeping you at least a bit busy] Janis: what you wearing if not the costume? Janis: I'm 🤔 Jimmy: what do you want me to? Janis: I'm thinking not church respectable but without being the costumes, you know Janis: festive hoe hoe hoe lite Janis: that's the VIBE babe Jimmy: [sends her options with him doing pisstakey impressions of how the gals pose] Jimmy: ? Janis: YOU LOOK STUNNING, YOU HAVE TO UPLOAD THESE ALL! Janis: but [an option, I'll show you what I'm going with for her and then you can pick whatever you want lol] is good Jimmy: [does upload them all cos no shame] Janis: [so many pisstakey hype comments like 😍😍😍 like we're not lying but we being like the #gals] Jimmy: [just having a lovely time via socials, sucks to suck Mia cos we know you're in the shit hun] Janis: [i'd feel bad if you weren't awful, you need calming down frankly madam] Jimmy: Where we going? Janis: pub, of course Janis: xmas eve pub crawl is tradition Jimmy: 🍻 Janis: that alright? Jimmy: it's what that pisshead 🎅 would want us to do Janis: RIP 'til next year Janis: if you make it Jimmy: you promised to 💀💀💀 me before new year's so if I'm still about that'll be your fault Janis: I'm talking about pisshead 🎅 Janis: he's already 🥴 Jimmy: [sends her a screenshot of this tracker showing wherever he is] Janis: love it Janis: need one for you Janis: #amiriteladiez Jimmy: if it means I don't get lost on the way to yours, crack on Janis: strap a satnav to you Jimmy: need a big strap to go round my head Janis: massive Janis: one of those resistance bands Jimmy: if them athlete rumours weren't bollocks you'll be able to sort that piss easy Janis: can't wait to twang you 'round the face with it Jimmy: 😍🤤🤤 Jimmy: on the same page, us, as per Janis: speaking of Janis: want a preview of what I've decided on for 🙌🙏 or you want a surprise? Jimmy: depends Janis: on? Janis: fair warning, it's no angel look, I don't need to be 🌩 down before you can 🔪 Jimmy: I were gonna ask if my 👴💘 were gonna give out but that answers that Janis: soz, not yet Janis: disappointing now Jimmy: nah, hot priest's jaw'll still be on the floor and your shit nan'll still be 💔 Janis: [this glittery 70s moment] Janis: it's festive but it DOES not honour God so yeah Janis: 😳 and 😡 respectively Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: might have to ✎ you for today's 🎨 'cause that's Jimmy: #art Janis: I've even got a discoball to shine in his 👀 when he's trying to read Jimmy: thought of everything, you Janis: well Janis: had to do something to occupy my 🕠 Janis: couldn't keep bothering you ALL day, not very 😇 Jimmy: gonna have to do something to pull my weight Jimmy: not very goals of me to leave this all to you Janis: trust me, just showing up is enough Jimmy: for them, not you Janis: you know what I want Janis: so it is enough for me too Jimmy: alright Janis: you're gonna steal and not crash your dad's car Janis: that's impressive Jimmy: 🍒 for you Jimmy: had no chance to test out my gag reflex so Janis: you know how to drive though Jimmy: yeah Janis: good Janis: not being held responsible for vehicular manslaughter Jimmy: you can leave out the 🤓 words, I ain't letting nowt happen to you Janis: more concerned about you Janis: just don't use me as an alibi, I know nothing about this plan 😶 Jimmy: ah the Sharon defense Jimmy: 👍 Janis: your white privilege, you'll be fine Jimmy: Lucas is gonna be SO into you Janis: yeah, need that throwback Jimmy: he does, to when you were years younger Janis: 🤞 for his christmas wish Jimmy: tell me if it worked and I'm fake dating a 12 year old Jimmy: 🤞 you'd be as obvs as Tom Hanks in that film and I'd know but Janis: 🤞 you wouldn't be as down as the woman in that Jimmy: chuffed to bits, her Jimmy: if I ever seem that excited to see you it's 🔪🪓🔧🔨 Janis: obviously Janis: nothing but a deathwish here Jimmy: 🐑🚗 Janis: stop calling me a sheep dickhead Jimmy: it were you who said it Janis: you're repeating it Jimmy: I were just saying you might wanna brace yourself to scrape your mates off my windscreen if them dickheads are owt like you Janis: they're stupid so yeah Janis: farmer's got guns though and that's not how I wanted to go Jimmy: BABE don't call yourself thick OMG Janis: 🙄 Janis: that's the rest of my family Janis: I'm Shaun Jimmy: jumper did suit you Janis: tah Jimmy: can't rate it as high as the wings or silver face but Janis: can accept the 🥉 Jimmy: might have to be chucked off the podium for today's outfit 💔🎻 Janis: but...we matched, babe 😭 Jimmy: 😭😭😭 Jimmy: IDK WHAT TO DO Janis: perils of turning too many lewks Jimmy: so rude of you Janis: maybe I'll make it up to you Jimmy: taking it off won't effect the rankings, Jules Janis: are you sure about that 🤔 Jimmy: you've got your own scale, girl Janis: do I Jimmy: yeah Janis: go on then Janis: don't leave me hanging Jimmy: I never said you were having it Janis: rude Jimmy: you're rude, stop trying to make me 😳 dickhead Janis: 😏 Janis: but it's cute Jimmy: it'll clash with my outfit, duh Janis: red cheeks go well with a red nose Jimmy: piss off, ain't even had a drink yet Janis: plenty of time to remedy that Jimmy: how long's it gonna take me to get to the middle of nowt for you? Janis: not that long in a car Janis: it's only that long on the bus 'cos of all the stops Jimmy: crack on doing your face red for church then 😈 Jimmy: take you ages that will Janis: oi Janis: so rude and so hypocritical Jimmy: you can do mine an' all Jimmy: know how you feel about 🍓👃s like Janis: can do Janis: since you're so against 😳 Jimmy: let a lad be mysterious Janis: you're gonna be Janis: only gracie has heard about you so Jimmy: know she rates me and my ☕🎨 Janis: hardly a 🏆 that Jimmy: I don't want any 🏆 from her, tah Jimmy: weren't like I accidentally picked the wrong twin out 'cause you look SO alike Janis: yeah I'll remember you 💬 that when you try and 💬 otherwise later Jimmy: you gonna smack me in the head til I'm 🧠💀💀💀 in a bit ? FINALLY Janis: you haven't got a brother I'm interested in so nah Janis: soz Jimmy: might do somewhere, don't be too 💔😭🎻 yet Janis: keep you having the odd 💡💭 'til that's #confirmed Jimmy: 👍 Janis: start the family tree, like Jimmy: weren't what I were gonna draw for you but alright Janis: if I have any more pictures of myself, people other than you might catch on to the big head thing Jimmy: I get it, you want a picture of me Jimmy: very subtle Janis: 😏 Jimmy: dunno if I've got a big enough piece of paper tbh Janis: s'what I tell EVERYONE Jimmy: love a Q&A you do Janis: *the fans Jimmy: *you Janis: lies and slander Jimmy: I keep telling you #notallsantas Jimmy: he's a lying pisstaking bastard but ME, nah Janis: 👌👌 Janis: believe in you when I 👀 you Jimmy: I've got the 🔑s, you'll be seeing me in a bit Janis: 🏆 Janis: be waiting Jimmy: Where? Jimmy: I can't pull up and let them all 👀 me Janis: pull up in my neighbours drive instead Janis: I'll be there Janis: [location] Jimmy: be able to spot your ✨ even with my 👴👀 Janis: 'course Janis: try not to blind you with my #shine Jimmy: 🌟 x as high as a northerner can count, you Janis: oh you Janis: 💖 Jimmy: don't be too chuffed that's only about 🌟🌟🌟 Janis: 💔 just as fast Janis: whatever will I do Jimmy: forgive me, obvs Janis: not your fault you're thick Jimmy: and I don't reckon Lucas' priority is improving my literacy, call me dead cynical Janis: wouldn't bet on it, personally Janis: but don't need to bet on this lot dobbing me in so we're 👍 Janis: might even get a cuppa, if I'm lucky Jimmy: if I were gonna call you a slag, it'd be now, with my jealousy 🗨 Janis: 😂 Janis: unlucky, boy Jimmy: 😒😒😒😒😒😒 Janis: shoulda got yourself a travel cup Jimmy: if I'd let the group chat know what we were up to they'd have reminded us Janis: SO helpful Janis: beside, not actually gonna go in Janis: be a bit awkward Jimmy: they've probably got pjs on, I get it Jimmy: too fit and mysterious, you Janis: just don't reckon showing up to your former childhood mates house unannounced is the one Janis: especially dressed like this much of a twat Jimmy: NOW I get it, you're 😍 Jimmy: would be awkward, that Janis: exactly Janis: not like I ain't spoke to 'em in years Jimmy: 😍 and 😳 Jimmy: this were the rom com all along Janis: obviously Janis: my sister did it first so ❌ unoriginal Jimmy: you're welcome for the nudge, mate Janis: SO funny Janis: hurry up and drive, dickhead Jimmy: don't 🥶 my dear Jimmy: there's loads more fun ways for your stubbornness to get you killed Janis: come show me Jimmy: [a picture of whatever shows the speed you're driving for cars of this era like okay we are going as fast as we can] Jimmy: no luck on the 👮🚔 escort, must've pissed off the lads by spending all my time with you Janis: I get it Janis: I miss you too Jimmy: it feels like ages Janis: yeah Janis: just a hectic day init Jimmy: *shit day Janis: that too Jimmy: Oi, you're my ☀ Jimmy: you're supposed to say some bollocks like when this is over we can just Janis: we can do whatever we want Jimmy: what about the 🐕s and ☕s? Janis: apart from that Janis: and school Janis: and the shit we have to do for the fans Janis: called a silverlining, alright, not the whole fucking cloud Jimmy: gonna run out of paper there yourself, all them bulletpoints Janis: not an actual 👼 or other type of miracle worker Jimmy: 😱😱 YOU WHAT? 💔 Janis: never said I was Janis: just a good costume 😈 Jimmy: never acted like you were either, I remember that much Janis: you weren't complaining Jimmy: you do make it hard to 🗨 Janis: you promised you would though Jimmy: I will Jimmy: 🏆💪🥇 me Janis: I'll allow it Jimmy: whatever we want, you said Janis: yeah Janis: I did Jimmy: I wanna keep my promises Janis: okay Janis: I want it too Jimmy: alright then Janis: 🕠 Jimmy: if it weren't your night off you could tell it to the fans Jimmy: shot yourself in the good ankle there, Jean Janis: I'll have to patiently wait instead Jimmy: don't sound like you, that Janis: 😲 Janis: watch me Jimmy: on you go Janis: no, on YOU go Janis: I'm staying put Jimmy: press record so I can 👀🍿 you try to wait Jimmy: be a right 😂 Janis: 😣 Janis: not laughing when I was having tea and you weren't Jimmy: poor baby Jimmy: it ain't my fault you're struggling already though Janis: Shh, I am not Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: I'm not that easy to break, thank you Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: like you're a 🐴 and I'm some rich lass Janis: another animal comparison Janis: making me miss you less by the second tbh Jimmy: one I'd be fine with 🍆📏✔ so alright, you can be the 💰💰 Janis: 😂 Janis: you might be fine, I'd have serious internal injuries Jimmy: UGH okay, just the tip Jimmy: if that's really not how you wanna go Janis: how Bill really wanted to end Romeo and Juliet but you know Janis: he was already 💀 Jimmy: bloody censorship Janis: what's worse, bestiality or necrophilia? Jimmy: if you wanna keep your job, probably get down the cemetery Janis: you brought it up, horsecock Janis: not taking the blame Jimmy: you asked, there's your answer Janis: FINE Janis: get Bill back on the line Jimmy: he's biased, he wants you to fuck his corpse Janis: does explicitly state otherwise on his tombstone Jimmy: I know what I've heard from his 👻 Janis: awh, he talks about me Jimmy: never shuts up Jimmy: oh hang on, he wants you to fuck MY corpse Jimmy: 👻📞 problems Janis: interesting Janis: how either way, he wants me to fuck you Jimmy: his mind Janis: 🌌🧠 Jimmy: all the 🏆👏🌹 Janis: yeah, had to read some of his shit every year since we were like 10 Janis: we 👏 get 👏 it 👏 bill 👏 Jimmy: brb gotta ™ a 👶📖 called That's Not My Bard before some other dickhead does Janis: 🤑💰💰💰💰🤑 Jimmy: now you're impatiently waiting Jimmy: job done Janis: LOVE when you call me a gold digger Jimmy: you'd be a shit one Jimmy: don't make THAT much in tips Janis: not my goal Jimmy: no shit, you'd be on Mia's daddy if it were Janis: yeah Janis: or our neighbours dad Jimmy: or Ella's judging by her house Janis: exactly Jimmy: I'll @ 'em all when I ain't driving and can write a longer brag Janis: or application to be their sidepiece Janis: 👀 you Jimmy: #bitofrough 😘 Janis: 😒 Jimmy: come on, you know you're my fave job Janis: piss off Jimmy: baby Janis: shh Janis: focus on your driving, asshole Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 👋 Jimmy: [show up when it's been long enough sir] Janis: [get out of these people's drive tah girl, probably think you hoeing or something] Jimmy: [that isn't a rumour we need, turn the heating up boy she'll be cold after standing about] Janis: [been as stealth as poss. I hope] Jimmy: [also please don't crash the car cos you're 👀ing at her we don't need that either] Janis: ['you wanna abandon it now or later?' like are you gonna drunk drive or what 'cos obviously we're going out] Jimmy: ['where are we starting the pub crawl?' cos obvs don't wanna have to walk for miles and miles] Janis: ['there's enough 'round here to do one' shrug like up to you] Jimmy: [a nod like alright then we'll stick around here] Janis: [put feet on the dash like I'm warming up first though] Jimmy: [puts christmas songs on like I know you wanna hear these cos it's been a whole second since either of us have been forced to] Janis: [Ughs IRL Jimmy: [finds something less festive and annoying] Janis: ['kid go to sleep?'] Jimmy: [another nod but a face that expresses what fun and games it was to get him to] Janis: ['Libi ain't' 'cos she and mcvickers are probably sleeping over] Jimmy: ['he'll be gutted when he finds that out'] Janis: [mimes 💔 'too much sugar and I told her she can catch santa in the act so they're gonna have to try hard to fool her tonight'] Jimmy: [😏 cos we approve] Janis: [shrugs 'if I've gotta go to midnight mass, fuck their night too, yeah'] Jimmy: [a nudge like excuse you I'm going too so you'll have loads of fun because we do remember earlier when she called him fun and hot] Janis: [nudging him back like what? 'I get to ruin your night too 'cos I'm helping with the car' gestures like duh] Jimmy: ['ruin it then' how suggestive sir] Janis: [a kinda half LOOK 'cos obvs wanna but we're mad at you so can't yet] Jimmy: [a look like ? because we know that's not a full LOOK] Janis: [turns back to the xmas tunes like there you go] Jimmy: [turns them off fully because what's wrong please tell us] Janis: ['rude to Mariah' 'cos when is it not that song lol] Jimmy: ['she'll live' cos everyone else is listening to her lol] Janis: ['if she don't get that high note out, she might explode'] Jimmy: [turns it back on so she can have her moment] Janis: [just like there you go] Jimmy: [just looking at her] Janis: [own ? look] Jimmy: ['what?'] Janis: ['what do you mean 'what'?] Jimmy: [a nudge like you know what I mean] Janis: ['what?' again like, soz, not making this easy rn] Jimmy: ['I asked you first' and drawing a ? on her for emphasis] Janis: ['you didn't need to come early if you didn't want to'] Jimmy: ['I know' like obvs I did want to what are you talking about] Janis: ['a job is gonna be easier if you stick to what actually needs to be done'] Jimmy: [a noise like really this is why you're upset but we're saying 'come here'] Janis: [scowling like don't take the piss and shaking our head 'let's just go if we're going'] Jimmy: [repeating it like no seriously come here and be closer to me and look at me] Janis: ['this is stupid' 'cos we can't handle things normally and going to get out like what are you doing] Jimmy: [does get out like fine if you won't come to me I'll come to you and does so we're in her grill with eye contact 'yeah it is'] Janis: ['get out of my face' but not in an aggressive way] Jimmy: ['don't be a dickhead' likewise not in an aggressive way] Janis: ['stop saying I am' like stop acting like it's all me being stupid] Jimmy: [an exasperated noise that we can't help as is as much like I wish I was better at this than it is like an ugh against you gal 'I wanna be here'] Janis: ['clearly not now' which again is far more of, because I've fucked it up than it is a drag but there we go, again trying to walk away] Jimmy: ['don't be telling me what I want' we're not letting you go hen] Janis: ['it wasn't supposed to be another chore, and I don't want it if it is'] Jimmy: ['I've wanted to be here all day' because true, like that's the chore babe, not this] Janis: [just closing our eyes as we can't move away without pushing him rn and we aren't there yet 'you keep making me look stupid' pause 'not you, like you on purpose but this fucking...situation, I keep fucking it up'] Jimmy: ['me an' all' like I clearly upset you by being a dickhead so I'm fucking up too, it's not just you 'it's a headfuck, we've both said' cos it is and you have] Janis: ['you never come off looking as bad as I do' remembering every stupid thing we've ever said or done 'cos that bitch like wow, I look so lame, great but nods 'yeah' 'cos not disagreeing with that bit] Jimmy: ['I'll make a twat of myself now if that'll help' goes to get on the roof on this car like not even taking the piss we genuinely don't want her to feel bad] Janis: [just putting your arms out like don't slip 'cos lord knows it be icy 'I'd rather I just stopped but sure' like what is your plan tbh boy] Jimmy: [stands on this car roof and loudly recounts some scenario before they were paired up for this computer science project and he wanted to talk to her or whatever but made a twat of himself instead idk but you know the vibe and the trope haha like and this was before we were even in this situation so there you go] Janis: [just looking at him for the longest time then gesturing for him to get down like come here] Jimmy: [does obviously without falling to his death] Janis: ['truce?' and putting out you hand again because we can't and aren't outright apologizing] Jimmy: [shaking her hand because yes] Janis: [pulling him in the direction they need to go like let's get inside then] Jimmy: [get to that pub lads it's been a day for you] Janis: [first pint first pub baby] Jimmy: [you'll be downing that cos it's very much needed] Janis: [adjusting his ears when you sit down] Jimmy: [lowkey has probably forgot he has those antlers on by now so it's like oh yeah] Janis: [lil lol 'knew you loved Rudolph' like okay stan] Jimmy: [a lil lol back and we're humming the song like that's a banger] Janis: [rolls her eyes but affectionately] Jimmy: [draws whatever today's doodle is on a beer mat and then chucks it at her because #mood I like to think it's reindeer and 😳 related because duh] Janis: [just looking at it and smiling 'cos love it, do your socials gal] Jimmy: ['meant to be your night off' affectionately too like oh what are you like and pretending we're gonna chuck our phone in our pint glass but we obvs don't] Janis: [shrugs but not in a dismissive way as of earlier just like, may as well 'more #goals than a shit party'] Jimmy: [a noise like yeah that's not hard and draws the JJ love heart on the table like see, so's that] Janis: [handing him your keys like carve it so it's real, dickhead] Jimmy: [does] Janis: [snaps galore hun] Jimmy: [a look like are you gonna come here now] Janis: [likewise, does] Jimmy: [a really good kiss because what a day we've had] Janis: [get into it kids it's deserved] Jimmy: [honestly] Janis: [obviously we're getting on his lap, 'scuse us pub patrons leave it out of it, I did realise that you're in a jumpsuit so I've really limited how saucy you can be, hohaha what a cockblock, also heaven help you when you're pissed and need all the wees gal] Jimmy: [you gotta gal and he's likewise gotta make a sound because always, it's not for you pub peeps you shh, I had that same thought about the outfit being like oh no she'll be cold having to strip every time she wants to pee, they are so annoying] Janis: [we know it's v mutual, you do need to get a room tbh but at least wait a couple of pubs tah, and they truly are lmao, soz to do you like that but we're making a point with our 'fit here] Jimmy: [we'll let the tension build to an unbearable point and get a few more pints in you as we always do LOL] Janis: ['you're so-' between kisses 'cos always] Jimmy: [writes 'you' on her so he doesn't have to stop kissing to say it and going over and over the word like when he was carving the table because the most emphasis needed] Janis: [the reaction, you're welcome boy] Jimmy: [we know any reaction from her gets as good of a one back from him so you're both welcome] Janis: [these random old men and the show they're getting, soz not soz, just saying 'you' back and forth now] Jimmy: [thank god you're both 1. shameless 2. it's a pub crawl so we don't have to stay here all night 3. you don't have to go back if you don't want to because we're far too #into this] Janis: [we don't care lbr, unless any of y'all are gonna get creepy but don't need to right now] Jimmy: [cockblocked by her outfit and literally nothing else rn] Janis: [not at all frustrating, go get a second drink after a fashion] Jimmy: [doing the MOST so it's not frustrating but that's only more frustrating, oh the struggle] Janis: [clearly getting a stronger drink, like shots, to accompany the pint, that should be the minimum aim of each pub] Jimmy: [love that for you both, get wrecked before church kids] Janis: [oh lawdy shit nan is gonna be fuming, drag you in front of the congregation lolllllllll] Jimmy: [amazing] Janis: [lucky that's what we're going for and she won't for the SHAME of it all but she will be PISSED hence the new years eve dramaaaa] Jimmy: [it's a time for fucking over shitty family members and it all connects honey] Janis: [like these children need more of me and Jesus in their life hello, oh god, anyway, do these shot shot shots] Jimmy: [body shots also cockblocked by the outfit sadly but that's okay these old dudes don't need any more of a show] Janis: [yeah god damn you for wearing clothes for once guys] Jimmy: [when you live together you'll never have to and life will be glorious, hold on lads] Janis: [my boos favourite thing lol] Jimmy: [but for now drink your juice shelby] Janis: ['what did you ask santa for?' 'cos Bobby and Libi had the whole convo] Jimmy: ['to take the dog away in that sack' soz Twix 'you?'] Janis: [shakes her head like oh you 'a date, obviously' and a big sigh like we know how that went] Jimmy: [💔 mime] Janis: ['exactly' like you understand my pain, there's probably so many santa hats in here rn, dramatic shudder like the mems] Jimmy: [does some there there pats even if we have to reach idk how you're sitting now] Janis: ['there's always his elf mates' in a #gals impression 'cos very them idea] Jimmy: [never not gonna do a dramatic shudder of his own at the accuracy of that impression and then checking his phone like have they been summoned] Janis: [assumedly were all at the same party but mia and ella] Jimmy: [while he's on his phone checking in with Cass about the Bobby situation like is he still asleep and how much of a dick is Ian being] Janis: [just chill and check out what everyone else is up to 'cos you can be smug about how lame everything would be in comparison] Jimmy: [I do get why everyone is obsessed with y'all aside from the obvious of how you look cos you do make everything look fun and you always are having it] Janis: [being a teenager is just being really bored a lot of the time 'cos you can't do anything and you don't wanna be with your fam, that's the tea of it, so when you actually find someone you vibe with and have fun with, yeah, a mood] Jimmy: [mhmm, anyway get to pub 2 hens, you can 🚬 on the way cos I doubt they're next door to each other] Janis: [like I imagine there's lots of pubs but not like a street vibe where it's one after the other so do some walking deffo] Jimmy: [I vibe that because there always seems to be out in the country and it's lowkey like how do you all survive but okay] Janis: [drink driving is what people do but shh] Jimmy: [we know y'all will at some point even though you shouldn't] Janis: [remember when and everyone was mad, esp. Tess and she wasn't allowed to stay there lowkey] Jimmy: [we definitely need to bring that back because yes] Janis: [it seems more dramatic now for some reason, probably the Libi of it all?] Jimmy: [I was just about to say, because yeah it's 1100000000% that Libi exists and she's the one member of this fam that Janis fucks with rn] Janis: [bit rude to lowkey keep them apart even though we know it wouldn't be intentional but if you gonna be reckless gal] Jimmy: [we know where Tess be coming from but also where you're coming from JJ] Janis: [will be bringing that back, for sure, but let's not tonight, there's enough drama] Jimmy: [yeah there's loads of cool stuff we've done that we should bring back because I also remember another time she ran away and Jimmy and Cass went on a lil roadtrip to pick her up that was really good too] Janis: [oh I'd forgotten about that but yes, 100%, lots of stuff to consider] Jimmy: [anyways carve the JJ heart on a table in pub 2 boy because we're doing it in every one] Janis: [you simply must, #proof of this night, ty ty, saying this place is trying to do something and getting a Christmassy cocktail, why not mix your drinks lol] Jimmy: [they would and this pub would, I love that, they don't have to be good we know you'll accept the challenge and drink them regardless] Janis: [something spiced and gross down it tbh] Jimmy: [honestly it's probably milky or eggnoggy and NO THANK YOU] Janis: [eww, just like DON'T COME NEAR ME 'cos it was that gross] Jimmy: [but that ensures that he will come after you in a playful manner, probably tickling you or something, don't be sick either of you] Janis: [as if we didn't know, casual playfight of course but don't break anything ty] Jimmy: [this pub should have big jengas because they think they're doing something so you can knock someone's tower over] Janis: [dramaaaa the huns and hispters gonna be fuming at you 2] Jimmy: [but you can play if you want cos we know you're competitive] Janis: [you should, he could get 'injured' boy but not really really just in a funny way 'cos big jenga is lowkey lethal lol] Jimmy: [yeah because then she can have a turn dramatically nursing him for the lols, little do you both know he's gonna get hurt for real #foreshadowing and also they should write inspirational boss bitch huns quotes on the jenga pieces because we know he has a pen] Janis: [role reversal mood, even though that's rude, poor Jimothy, yes, make him sit with his feet up for the moment and get busy with the bants] Jimmy: [get a less disgusting drink and live your best lives for a bit] Janis: [I think you should get kicked out of the next one so yes] Jimmy: [oooooh what a mood] Janis: [as you are literally just 15 so it's not unreasonable to say some pubs and peeps clock it lol] Jimmy: [plus you're never on your best behaviour or subtle in any way lol] Janis: [exactly so you only have to piss off one person who's had it] Jimmy: [so easily done haha] Janis: [and you can exact some revenge fun so yah] Jimmy: [love that for you so much] Janis: [if we're doing 12 pubs like in Hazel's book, plenty of moods to go still] Jimmy: [definitely should and yeah we're talking about the 3rd being the one you get kicked out of so loads left] Jimmy: [you gotta hook up in the toilets of one obviously] Janis: [naturally, you're gonna need to at least mid point lol, maybe Pete could be in one with his mates n gf and you can have a little bro bonding moment that'd be cute] Janis: [karaoke obviously happens in one, probably the last though when we're drunk enough] Jimmy: [OMG yay I love Pete and you we have to start this lifelong bromance somewhere so yes that makes so much sense and I agree that karaoke is a nice way to end it because church will be a v different vibe]] Janis: [some carols are bangers but yes, on the whole haha] Jimmy: [gotta steal something either during this pub crawl or from church or both because that's your thing that you two do] Janis: [#mems so sneaky feelsy love that for you two, hmm is there anything else we can think of that we'd like to make a thing or] Jimmy: [there should be a dog at one of these pubs just chilling because that's also a you two thing] Janis: [so many pics of her with dogs in pubs, seriously lmao, so yeah] Jimmy: [sadly not in that outfit I'm sure] Janis: [we'll see if I can work something] Janis: [one should be truly bumping, like more than the others, so they can lose each other for a hot sec, you should probably both realistically get hit on some] Jimmy: [it is christmas eve it's plausible that at least some of these pubs would be packed] Janis: [it is a ting, and esp. in Ireland not to be stereotypical but it's true] Jimmy: [I hope you're not getting flirted with by any old creepy dudes gal] Janis: [simply the worst, why must they, drunk dudes of any age, god, like you can handle yourself but we're still not thrilled about it obvs, also drunk ladies tbf Jimothy, like gobby shrieky mums put him down] Jimmy: [sends her a picture of him with an ugly coloured lipstick mark on his cheek like sos] Janis: where are you Jimmy: where are you? Janis: I was near the bar, now I'm stuck behind this group of #ladsladslads from the ⚽🏀🏑🎾 shop over the road Janis: who the fuck did that to you? Jimmy: some Sharon, still waiting for my ⚽🏀🏑🎾🤴 Janis: what the fuck Janis: hang on Jimmy: look for a circle of middle aged lasses, that'll be me in the middle Janis: what are they using you like a handbag/pole for Jimmy: I dunno Jimmy: hormones? Janis: didn't think the #mommyissues went both way, dirty bitches 🤢 Jimmy: dead giveaway that you've never worked in retail Jimmy: shameless all these Sharons and Karens Janis: dead giveaway they're not having lesbian midlife crises thank fuck Jimmy: ain't 👀 you yet, Judith Janis: I'm working on it, promise Jimmy: give 'em the smack I ain't allowed to Janis: I'm gonna Janis: 🥊 for a 💋 Jimmy: alright, a 💋 off me for every 🥊 sounds fair an' all Janis: yeah? Jimmy: you'll have to keep count for us Janis: [come find your man and rescue him from these thirsty laydeez, we will fight you hens, but deffo giving the ugly lipstick one a slap] Jimmy: [😍 that aren't a pisstake and obvs kissing her like he said he would] Janis: [we're actually so mad at these gals no lie, walk awayayay before it becomes too much of a thing, at least you can because that kiss would bring you back down slightly] Jimmy: [just asking her if there's any lads he needs to fight before they properly leave which you know is more cos he doesn't want anything bad to happen to her than anything else, we know the bae can handle herself] Janis: [shakes her head but this is 'cos she don't want to lose him again and we're just holding him like nope, stay with me] Jimmy: [a snuggle moment like I'm not going anywhere without you because it's not just because of being flirted with that we didn't like being away from her and we all know it] Janis: [just being couple goals showing these flirters right up, gently rubbing this lippy off him like no no] Jimmy: [putting the antlers on her like this is my bae thank you, everyone else back off, and for the shameless excuse to play with her hair always] Janis: [just pulling the nerdiest face 'not quite jail cell peril but-' like who's ride or die now, zoey doey] Jimmy: [a lol because that deer was honestly the most ride or die ever 'not yet' as if he's correcting her with a * and they're gonna be going full bonnie and clyde as the night goes on] Janis: [just pretending we're well offended like oi, how dare you but we're 😏 like oh really #intrigued too] Jimmy: [just writing a list of potential illegal acts on her with our fingertip as if it's a real list like remember these for later please] Janis: [trying to keep up but obviously not getting all that just like ???] Jimmy: [whisper them instead boy because we're still being couple goals here] Janis: [just add your own have a nice saucy back and forth here] Jimmy: [love that] Janis: [I'm trying to think of a lowkey way to fuck with these women, like pouring a drink in their unattended handbags? gotta be sneaky guys] Jimmy: [ooh good idea, can't go too hard with it, it'd have to be something like that or like emptying it out and leaving their shit everywhere] Janis: [clearly gonna be too hype when you get to this one and you're not getting in] Jimmy: [not in the mood to be turned away, we're on a mission here] Janis: [raging in this car park like how dare] Jimmy: [🚬 because likewise and also 😳 like how dare you know I am but a child] Janis: [oh boy, just like 'you cold?' 'cos dem cheeks] Jimmy: [takes the antlers back like it's my reindeer vibe] Janis: [fixes her hair like UGH so rude 'probably why they turned us away'] Jimmy: [😒 af like don't blame me thank you] Janis: [nudging him with your foot like come on 'there's other pubs'] Jimmy: ['Direct me then' like let's go gal] Janis: [putting your hand out like stop for a sec though 'don't you wanna do something about it?' and not at all shamelessly going into his pocket whilst maintaining eye contact and getting out the marker and going over to a car and drawing a reindeer face on the windscreen 1. it'll come off easy so no harm truly done but 2. the pub peeps could clock it was them and know they've been got back, gesturing like come do some boy] Jimmy: [he's gonna draw a ghost with a santa hat because don't need any encouragement] Janis: [just do all the cars in this car park without getting caught, obvs gonna finish with a JJ heart 'cos duh] Jimmy: [just doing a little hand squeeze like thanks for that when you take the pen back to put it away because you feel better now] Janis: [shrugs like nbd but doing a little smile 'you wanna appease the fans whilst we're here too?'] Jimmy: [a nod like it's likewise nbd but the eye contact is not at all casual] Janis: [likewise getting on the bonnet of the JJ heart car like that's nothing and just looking at him like, you know what to do, #goals photo moment] Jimmy: [taking loads of pictures of her looking hot af before joining her to go in on any lovebites he thinks needs to look more extra for midnight mass #flimsyexcusesforever] Janis: [don't go in too hard and set the alarm off by which I mean do 'cos it's funny and also a cockblock to run] Jimmy: [interrupt this dry humping sesh before you get even more frustrated than you already are by this outfit] Janis: [mistakes were made lmao] Jimmy: [you'll both live] Janis: [you can hook up in #4 if I've kept count right lol] Jimmy: [soz not soz to that pub for how loud he's gonna be] Janis: [I hope you're not a tiny establishment 'cos lol even on a busy night that'd be heard, oh guys] Jimmy: [if you weren't shameless Jimothy we'd have some real problems] Janis: [we all know you are but you gotta have your drinks as well can't keep getting kicked] Jimmy: [yeah maybe don't hook up til you're about to leave here guys LOL] Janis: [got to order before you use the facilities xoxo] Jimmy: [and you pair are exactly why] Janis: [mhmm honey, maybe there will be a Christmas quiz or tombola or something at one of these pubs you can crash] Jimmy: [so festive but also believably shit, love that] Janis: [win some kind of prize ty ty] Jimmy: [you gotta and you're not having it shit nan cos we're not pleased to meet you hun] Janis: [even though it's probably something a nan would want 'cos isn't it always god bless] Jimmy: [give it to Tess cos she's not that kind of nan so that'll be funny] Janis: [not that you have to endure mass thank god] Jimmy: [challenge of keeping hold of whatever this is for the rest of the night and not losing it] Janis: [truly, probably some kind of bath set or shit biscuit tin] Jimmy: [don't eat the biscuits Jimmy you fat bastard] Janis: [gives you a half-eaten tin of biscuits, Tess fuming] Jimmy: [it's the thought that counts, nan] Janis: [such a 😎 boy lollllllll] Janis: [do you want to skip to having to go to mass?] Jimmy: [we totally can because we've thought of a lot of shit for this pub crawl honestly] Janis: [we have, very much a vibe was had, now you've got to show up to this church and we're just dreading this entire thing, it'll probably be a fair walk and we're just silent] Jimmy: [handholding cos we know she's dreading it and we're a team here] Janis: [god knows Junie isn't gonna be there 'cos the Venus sitch was this year so it's just ruster fam and you and grace so fun] Jimmy: [ugh what an anti-mood this will be, so glad you've had loads of drinks to help you through it guys] Janis: [billie simply not invited even though drew and meena would have to be there #rude oh what a mess, good thing we're dedicated to making a scene] Jimmy: [not that she would go but that's very rude, though it is a relief for us that paralysed sister secret isn't being outed as well since Libi already spilt the Edie tea] Janis: [drew might actually be in prison, but astrid and ro can come through, a joy, I'm sure lmao, we don't wanna get into ANY of this, god shit nan is gonna be so embarrassing over Jimmy 'cos she's a hoe for a boy, any boy lmao] Jimmy: [another reason for shit nan to shade Grace because she's never brought a boy to mass as if Janis isn't there deliberately doing everything wrong, okay bitch] Janis: [literally like where's ya boyfriend, shh shit nan so rude, it's okay she'd shade Meena for not forcing the kids and Tommy to come, as if these kids were raised remotely Christian] Jimmy: [they are hindus babe get on board, shading everyone's outfits as well obvs regardless of how inoffensive they are] Janis: [wearing the biggest most extra hat in the world like pop off, she's like a cartoon she's so ridiculous, probably gonna cry dramatically over her sons not being here for Christmas what a performance] Jimmy: [seriously it's as funny as it is awful] Janis: [we wouldn't blame you for being amused Jimothy, like we would be but not like we're on your side shit nan just like wtf woman] Jimmy: [he'll be too busy trying not to die because of the incense getting him but I'm sure we'll find parts of it amusing to look back on] Janis: [it's apparently gross I've never been to a Catholic ting so can't fully say but I know they waft it about in that swingy thing, you also bless yourself with holy water when you come in the door so there's that] Jimmy: [he will flick holy water at you bae] Janis: [pretending we're melting because we don't care #churchbants] Jimmy: [now is the perfect time for one of your dramatic death scenes, boy, everyone's just horrified] Janis: [just so 😍 as we pick him up off the floor lmao, tryna make sure he's sat nowhere near Rio, even though she's probably trying to be polite and introduce herself and the gang we're like good day] Jimmy: [sit next to Grace jimothy, she won't talk to you excessively and you already know she's embarrassing] Janis: [shit nan gon' be too busy being a busybody so that's something] Jimmy: [will put his head on the bae's shoulder like we do whenever we're bored by a flatwhite function before church has even started as much for the shade as a variation on the feelsy lean like I'm here for you gal] Janis: [at least you can text under your pamphlets 'cos rude and is the goal, as well as the rest, but leaning into this lean too and writing 'soz' on his arm] Jimmy: [and you have signing for shading people now and later because none of y'all would know any, putting a line through where she wrote her sorry like no you don't need to be] Janis: [a look like, it ain't over yet] Jimmy: [a look like I can handle it] Janis: [😏 like challenge accepted] Jimmy: [is sneezing already though probably how adorable] Jimmy: 😈 coming out Jimmy: bit awkward Janis: [loling] Janis: it's grim, ain't it Janis: jesus was a stoner, who knew Jimmy: worse even than ☕ Jimmy: 🤞 jesus won't @ my manager Jimmy: [pretends like he's gonna wipe his nose on her jacket cos I vaguely remember a furry one with her lewk] Janis: you don't need MORE competition, like Janis: [yeah, it's probably graces so you can be offended gal like 'scuse me] Jimmy: imagine the tips that dickhead would get Jimmy: SO on brand for them, him Janis: gonna put a help wanted ad in the collection plate for him Jimmy: don't how famous your dad is mate, fill in an application like every fucker else, tah Janis: that's his whole thing, sickening, tbh Jimmy: and OBVS every time he name drops it'll make the lasses frothier than their ☕ but still Jimmy: what's your CV without the miracles? Janis: you should be happy, not jealous Jimmy: can't be a slag for tips if nobody's bothered Jimmy: is he gonna feed me 🥖 and 🐟 or what? Janis: have to come back to find that out Janis: (spoiler alert, yeah, some 🍷 too) Janis: just covering his miraculous birth tonight, like Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [is gonna carve the JJ love heart into this pew, look away shit nan your heart won't take it] Janis: [we're about it though obvs] Jimmy: You going home after this? Janis: where else? Jimmy: where else do you want to? Jimmy: already nicked one car, can make it 2, easy Janis: oh right Janis: we have to get you home Janis: [mad on the low like this part of the plan escaped us how] Jimmy: can't 📞 Ian for a lift, might do though so he realises his car's gone Jimmy: but you're alright, I'll chuck doll jesus out of his straw bed Janis: we'll work it out Janis: not that an actual lift from any of this lot sounds like a right laugh but Janis: [shrugs like they obvs would] Jimmy: I'll just shout about that I need somewhere to😴 some dickhead'll put me up in a barn Jimmy: nowt more festive than that Janis: if only you were a knocked up teen Jimmy: 💔 fucked over by being a straight white lad YET AGAIN Janis: tell my nan about it and she'd adopt you Janis: it's not that far to yours Janis: got vehicles you wouldn't have to steal, technically Jimmy: not having her round the other 2 unless healing hands actually work Jimmy: happily have her car though Janis: [looks around at the fam like does it look like it works] Janis: 👍 Jimmy: [we loling not soz to the hot priest] Janis: [shushing him in an even more obvious way as is the point like omg babe] Jimmy: [being like soz and making it even more of a thing as is also the point] Janis: [shit nan already in a mood 'cos there's 2 small children here and we know what that's like whenever you're meant to be quiet, at least she can pretend that's cute] Janis: tomorrow is gonna be so shit Jimmy: yeah Janis: least you can actually join in with the shit Bobby wanted Janis: that'll be alright Jimmy: he'll wanna compare 🎁 with his new best mate, get her 📞 Janis: baby 💔 Janis: you can let him Janis: she'll be gutted about the lack of attention she's getting as it's princesses' first xmas Janis: [side eyes baby venus] Jimmy: what are you and her doing the day after? Jimmy: might be a good shout to get them together Janis: I'll ask but it's usually more of the same, so fuck all Janis: with leftovers Jimmy: sounds about right Janis: they'd love it Jimmy: 💔 there weren't any reindeer in your fields I could nick an' all Jimmy: he's obsessed now Janis: soz about that Janis: we've got some donkeys but that's not very 💖 Janis: if they'd have spiced up the nativity he might be bothered but as it stands Jimmy: I'll do one out of snow when I get back Janis: alright, michaelangelo Jimmy: [nods at the heart he's carved into this pew like you weren't taking the piss then] Janis: you're my favourite artist Janis: SUCH a compliment Jimmy: [giving her OTT 😍 to hide that we're embarrassed by said compliment] Jimmy: all down to the muse, that Janis: I probably will be taking the blame for that so why not the glory too Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: you can come back with me for a bit Janis: for drinks and shit Janis: sadly, shit nan does not attend 💔 Janis: but there'll be loads of other fuckers, if you wanna Jimmy: alright Janis: you don't have to Janis: she'll make sure EVERYONE knows Jimmy: I said alright Janis: ALRIGHT Jimmy: [IRL 🤫 without making the shh sound] Janis: [mouthing 'make me' in a way definitely a few people are gonna clock] Jimmy: [A LOOK like I'd rather make you do the opposite] Janis: [you know what hit me like kinda obvious but also hasn't been stated so] Janis: [shit nan is probably HERE for this, aside from when they're pissing about rn, she'd be like oh you dressed like a girl for once and brought a boy you aren't related to, like accidental fail 'cos shit nan has weird priorities l o l] Jimmy: [OG supporter and spreader of those gay rumours like not another one on my watch honey] Janis: [just banging on about how they never bring boys around like yeah this is why but also mind yo business, she's so extra, and she'd just think jimothy was shy and be like aww] Jimmy: [when you antisocial but people think you shy, their future daughter can relate] Janis: [mhmm] Janis: is the incense making you feel 😵? Jimmy: If I say it is can we piss off? Jimmy: [because yes but we don't wanna admit it because we're so tough okay] Janis: is what I was getting at Janis: ['cos we're done with this and leaving early is the only sure-fire way to annoy shit nan at this point plus what a LOOK, so grabbing his hand like he's about to vom like 'SCUSE US WE GOTTA GO RN] Jimmy: hang on then, I'll have another crack at it Jimmy: *SO 😵😵😵 me Jimmy: have a word Jimmy: [and we're out of here, bye but we're not actually saying bye fam] Janis: [actually making him get some fresh air before we start smoking or anything of the sort] Jimmy: [allowing it because it did actually get him] Janis: [cold air sobering in all the ways it's needed right now] Jimmy: [mhmm] Jimmy: [asking her if she's okay by writing it on her with a ? when we could just ask because we're outside now] Janis: [shrugs 'used to it' we talking 'bout the smoke or everything else hen] Jimmy: [offering her a 🚬 or the pen or keys like choose your weapon for killing yourself with] Janis: ['too obvious if her car gets keyed' and takes a 🚬 but makes a big deal out of getting far away from him like you're so sensitive] Jimmy: [throws some snow at her like if you're gonna be rude so will I] Janis: [tipsy snowball fight realness] Jimmy: [gonna do snow angels because where better than outside church RIP to Grace's jacket if she joins in lol] Janis: [obviously we are, excuse us] Jimmy: [get art hoey and make them look like JJ boy] Janis: [that's a mood] Jimmy: [lots of hair for her and sunglasses and grumpy face for you, we know the vibe] Janis: ['thanks, by the way'] Jimmy: [a shrug like don't worry about it] Janis: [having to look at him to look like, seriously, I know they're all extra and that was a lot] Jimmy: [when you were gonna touch her face/move her hair out of it in a romantic way like seriously it's okay but your hands are freezing from doing the snow angel details so it's like ! oh no soz] Janis: [move them down so they're around your waist under this furry coat like warm them up boy but usually that'd be skin to skin contact so you're gutted 'stupid, fucking jumpsuit'] Jimmy: [holding on tight anyway and pulling her closer to you because always but eventually letting go for long enough to put your lighter in her hand  'for in a bit' like you can set this on fire later babe that'll cheer you] Janis: [just looking at it like it's a ring in a box 'this is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me' love joking but double meaning means lowkey not really] Jimmy: [looking at it and getting the key out like can I engrave something onto this would it work because we can always be more romantic] Janis: [I'm dying 'cos the actual gift she got you for xmas is literally very related to this so that's swagger] Jimmy: [cackling that we both had the Shakespearian rose idea and also because my idea for what he gives her that I obvs can't do because I'd never find anything like it is a swag copy of romeo and juliet you know when they have nice covers and he's like doodled inside and crossed lines out to rewrite them and like written a sonnet etc and then like at some bit of the play they don't fuck with probably the beginning when Romeo is a hoe like carving a space out which she could fit said lighter in but obvs he didn't have that specifically in mind he was just like lol a secret hiding place cos remember how easy they found Ella's diary] Janis: [I'm dying that's such a mood, like okay, pretending we aren't even friends or something LOL] Jimmy: [gonna say that there is also some Bobby doodles in there too because yolo we a squad now and if he'd had chance to get Libi to add to it he would've but sadly there was no way] Janis: [simply dying, if only you could spend tomorrow with each other alas gotta entertain the fam literally this one day a year] Jimmy: [I'm so happy you're gonna see each other though even though you don't know yet] Janis: [like the lowkey shock you're gonna have to hide rn so you don't spoil the surprise for him tomorrow, ugh, your minds, our minds] Jimmy: [at least he'd be concentrating on carving this rose with a literal key trying to make sure it doesn't look like a blob so that'll help you gal] Janis: [oscar-worthy performance lol] Jimmy: [and you can just kiss him if all else fails] Janis: [also I think this midnight mass should've been 11-12 so when they hear the finale going on inside they know it's xmas, v cinematic] Jimmy: [yasss I support that, obvs say merry christmas to her boy even though you're forlorn at the prospect of and dreading it] Janis: [practically loling at the prospect 'cos likewise but kissing him back] Jimmy: [have your moment kids before everyone comes out of this church] Janis: [clearly wanna fuck off before any of the fam can see you like byeee] Jimmy: [escape lads] Janis: [or lifts will be offered and lord knows you don't want that, you wanna be alone and cute] Jimmy: [we all know you should go home now and get some sleep before Bobby wakes up ridiculously early but we all know you won't and the reasons why] Janis: [at least it's a very ali/fam in general vibe that there's drinks and party food going on so you can and it doesn't look like what it clearly is] Jimmy: [enjoy your walk back there alone before you have to deal with peeps again] Janis: [at least it doesn't need to be literally everyone, and a fair amount of you have kids you'd need to be home for, too bad Libi is probably asleep even if she tried really hard lol] Jimmy: [she could wake up when she hears everyone if we want that lil mvp in our lives] Janis: [just peeping down the stairs tryna be sneaky then she sees Jimmy and is like MY BFFS ARE HERE 'cos thinks they come as a duo at all times obvs] Jimmy: [she's not wrong about it and he will pick you up and spin you round lil queen cos we stan] Janis: [we love that, directing him to the tree like BUT 👏 HAS 👏 HE 👏 BEEN 👏 and deffo not babe the adults are still getting pissed but god bless you] Jimmy: [but jj should give her something they've picked up over the course of this wild night like there you go bab] Janis: [we're thrilled, also like is your dog asleep, my dog's asleep 'cos Killer cannot come to this cat castle sadly but she's got Star under her arm like hey] Jimmy: [telling her that Twix, Bobby and Snow are all asleep but also telling her she can record a voice memo for them if she wants so they'll get in when they wake up] Janis: [probably screaming MERRY CHRISTMAS such is our excitement then being like I hope you got xyz from his list that she's managed to remember well done bab then being like I'm up SOOOO late little brag like imma catch Santa and see if this one knows signing and has a real beard] Jimmy: [Jimothy is gonna teach you some more signing bab cos lbr the only other person he wants to talk to here is Janis so we're chuffed you're here] Janis: [at least mcvickers are not so strict they're gonna march you back to bed right away, you may as well stay up a bit now you are so you don't wake everyone at the crack of dawn like I did lol] Jimmy: [and like Bobby will do, there's gonna be no point Jimothy going to bed lol] Janis: [honestly, all nighter it is, at least once the meal is over and the drama you can be back together huns don't worry, also lol @ mcvickers being like oh you again 'cos when Libi ran in lmao] Jimmy: [Tess has her eye on you boy but she'd be secretly thrilled to see how good you are with Libi, not in a cringey shit nan way but just] Janis: [you're clearly not a total fuckboy of a teenage lad, we can be lowkey happy about that always lol, meanwhile just securing the good scran for us right now whilst Libi probably talks Jimmy through every dec and they're probably mostly homemade by the kids so like enjoy that] Jimmy: [Poor Grace is probably crying and angsting in her room about whatever shit nan said and did to her so there'll be enough food for you boy] Janis: [honestly poor Grace like we just made it worse for you accidentally, shit nan stirring the pot always] Jimmy: [I like to think Ali is coming through for you because she knows exactly what shit nan is like] Janis: [we aren't the type to be too busy hosting or whatever to not notice when our kids are upset, thankfully] Jimmy: [she's a good mum and like Tess and Janis she always notices things so] Jimmy: [the question we need to ask ourselves is about Billie's whereabouts because if she's there then obvs Jimothy isn't gonna be like gimme the tea but like he will know now] Janis: [she's gonna be about 18 so yes, she's almost definitely there, even if she was out earlier it's like late enough that she'd be back] Jimmy: [literally rolling up with whatever mates she was out with like LOL how was church everyone because we all hate shit nan in this house] Janis: [Janis really going in on how shit she was to everyone and doing an impression which we're clearly just great at tbh, also overplay how scared poor hot priest is] Jimmy: [she'd love it and you know she'd be commenting on Janis' outfit being like bet she was so down for you being dressed like that because she's been shaded herself for being dressed like a boy clearly] Janis: ['surprised she didn't have it off me to borrow' like who does shit nan think she is honestly, kind of iconic but not, also shading Ro 'cos we all love to do that in this household too, especially after the Rio ting even Ali ain't gonna stop you] Jimmy: [Billie do HATE Ro because she loves Astrid and we know she's not doing the best for that bub so obvs asking how she was because bringing her to church when she's autistic af and you can't deal with her anywhere is never gonna be the one tbh] Janis: ['lucky she had her wrapped up tight enough she could hide in her scarf' 'cos the smells, the sounds, the sights, TOO MUCH 'she liked the nativity scene though' hot priest being cool and letting her play in it 'cos lord knows Ro doesn't have the strength to control her literal it's so dangerous] Jimmy: [Billie do be fuming because you know full well that Ro wouldn't let her look after her as if she's incapable when POT KETTLE] Janis: [mhmm, rosaline, get in your own wheelchair you're at death's door you cow, just shrugging like I know and telling her about Meena 'cos always coming for her life as well shit nan like 'you could've at least brought Thomas and his REAL children' like you'll leave the adopted ones at home OKAY HUN] Jimmy: [Billie LIVID because she's not Ali's REAL child but she is though, fuck you shit nan, thank god Jimmy is busy with Libi cos he don't need all this tea in his life yet] Janis: [also the hypocrisy 'cos Drew and Meena aren't your real children either but are when it suits you silly woman, honestly, lowkey then just hoping Billie will get distracted and not wanna be introduced to him lmao, like who's dis, idk, bring him his food and Libi the bits you've sneakily brought her 'cos you're meant to be ready for bed not nomming again] Jimmy: [luckily she'd be drunk-ish and have brought friends so easy to distract because we don't need to do that rn gal, so much has already happened this holiday season] Janis: [seems lowkey shady on both your behalfs like am I not good enough to be intro'd but we're not trying to be like and here's this person and that person and make it too #real] Jimmy: [this party has a chill vibe and she's a chill person she's not gonna pull a Rio and be like MUST INTRODUCE SELF we all know Janis has never brought a lad back before and we're not trying to embarrass her] Janis: [exactly, it's already happened once, almost as a point like YOU CANNOT IGNORE ME JANIS lmao, just telling Libi to go get the kennel they made Snow out of a cereal box or something to show Jimmy so she'll actually leave him be for a hot sec, squeezing his hand like alright?] Jimmy: [just smiling at her because actually has had a nice time with Libi even though it would have made him feel bad for not being at home with Bobby rn and leaving him earlier, like boy it's okay he's a sleep but he always feels guilty regardless] Janis: [#mumguilt because we're raising our brother, so rude, just smiling back like thank god this isn't going as bad 'wanna show off how crafty I am too, obvs' in reference to this kennel like such an #arthoe] Jimmy: [waves a picture of that sheep costume on his phone at her like girl I know] Janis: [😏 and stroking the lighter than is in our hand 'cos obvs taken the jacket off and there's no way there's pockets on that thing lol] Jimmy: [pulling her chair as close to his chair as he can because we just always wanna be closer to her all the time and something falling off her plate when he do so we're keeping that for Star to eat when Libi gets back as if she's a real dog] Janis: [😳 that we can pretend is just from coming inside to the warm] Jimmy: [also taking whatever fell off her plate and she lost off his so she can have it but why give it to her normally when you can feed it to her/put it in her mouth because you're that bitch] Janis: [just LOOKING at him like, there has not been enough alone time today remotely] Jimmy: [obvs LOOKING back but before he can suggest they go get her out of that outfit Libi is back so we gonna look at this kennel and feed Star and that whole thing] Janis: [gotta do some parenting, cockblocked, at least you'll be getting sleepy and made to go back to bed soon enough hun you ain't partying the whole night away] Jimmy: [they can be the ones to take her though cos then they'll be upstairs already and won't have far to go to her room to finally be alone for a bit] Janis: [and you are that bitch, like no no, I want THEM to do it #princesslife sure you have some story that you can be read either about Christmas or dogs] Jimmy: [if not they'll make one up for you, Jimothy is 10000% that bitch] Janis: [Star and Snow going on an epic adventure, love that for them] Jimmy: [I hope you remember it so you can tell it to Bobby tomorrow night or whenever] Janis: [do your best, drunk babes] Jimmy: [you're not totally wasted like you were when partying, you should remember most of this stuff] Jimmy: [especially the joy when that jumpsuit finally comes off for good] Janis: [yeah, no excuse of being blasted this time] Janis: [it's also glittery, so that's scratchy, simply not a vibe apart from the lewk of, you can break it if you want guys] Jimmy: [that's a saucy mood] Janis: [you have form and you're both frustrated af by now] Jimmy: [fun as hooking up in that pub toilet would have been, that would feel like forever ago and it's not the same vibe as when you can take your time and be as extra as you want] Janis: [should also note hi to her house and bedroom this convo, not that we're taking it in but just for reference later] Jimmy: [yeah he's very preoccupied rn and there has been a lot of peeps and stuff going on but you can't not notice Ali's vibe and all the cats and the contrast between that and her bare as hell room will be jarring when you realise] Janis: [pretend we do not see, more important things to do rn lads] Jimmy: [we're very in love tonight and it cannot be overstated how much of a cockblock that outfit was when the bae always be giving you so much skin to work with usually] Janis: [not your usual at all, we're all mad about it and making up for it now, excuse us] Jimmy: [enjoy that lads, we know you will] Janis: [soz to the people upstairs, aka Grace, put your headphones in gal] Jimmy: [hopefully Ali has gone so we can say she has] Janis: [or she will if you two start, don't need that in any of our lives lol] Jimmy: [Grace is having a shit enough night without hearing you two] Janis: [when you know he lowkey has to leave now and you don't want him to] Jimmy: [and he knows and doesn't wanna leave either so it's like let's just keep kissing forever and prolong this and pretend I don't] Janis: ['how hard do you think your dad is gonna flip shit?' when we're lowkey worried but doing the most to sound like we ain't and we're just curious here] Jimmy: [just shrugging because we know exactly but we're not gonna answer honestly and the point is it's supposed to be nbd and we don't care but also then doing a 🤞 and an impression of Bobby's impression of angry Ian because Ian flipping out is what we wanted and we obvs hope it's enough for us to go back up north] Janis: ['his was better' and patting his shoulders like there there 'christmas miracle, I guess' and crosses her fingers back, getting up to find clothes to throw on] Jimmy: ['should've done the sound effects' cos obvs Bobby doesn't on his cos can't hear Ian shouting and is mute, chucking a pillow at her like oi cos we don't want her to get up because that means he has to leave soon and no] Janis: ['have to settle for second for now' and shrugs like oh well, and just looking back like 'scuse me when he throws the pillow] Jimmy: [just picking her up because he hasn't all night and chucking her back on this bed like 1. I won't accept second thank you and 2. come back] Janis: [just like oi and 😒 at him like what you want] Jimmy: [tucking her in like stay put gal] Janis: ['you've got to go' like he was the one getting ready] Jimmy: [dramatically flopping down next to her like I can't possibly I'm so comfortable] Janis: [pushing him like you're gonna pushing him out the bed but obviously don't] Jimmy: [push her back but again not hard] Janis: ['how are you getting back?' and folding our arms] Jimmy: [a very helpful shrug] Janis: ['what's wrong?'] Jimmy: [when you're about to say nothing but that's such a lie that it feels pointless so you're just there like 👀 and then 'you said it' because she did when she said he had to go that's the entire issue here] Janis: [just silent for a while 'cos what can either of you do about that 'yeah'] Jimmy: [just getting ready to go because what else can you do boy] Janis: [getting up and stopping him like ! 'don't go' even though you know he's got to right now 'cos you're thinking about if the plan works and they go back to Manchester] Jimmy: [hugging her because you don't want to go and saying as much even though it's muffled and also obvious lol] Janis: ['it'll be more shit again when you do' from inside this hug] Jimmy: [hugging her tighter because true for you too] Janis: [breaking it apart like that's enough now] Jimmy: [dramatically kiss her before getting ready to go for a second time] Janis: [do you want him to walk/or does he want a lift? 'cos obvs she wouldn't make him go with whoever alone so that adds another bit if so] Jimmy: [he'll probably just walk even though it'll take ages because we're in no rush to get back] Jimmy: [unless she's like no get a lift you idiot and then he will because we're a pushover for the bae] Janis: [we'd know that's the vibe and thus wouldn't argue, like we might wanna go with but what is the point 'cos then he'll wanna walk you back and it'll be a farce lmao] Jimmy: [you can chat to him to make sure he's still alive if you want gal but you can't come with or you'll end up staying and the fam will be fuming] Janis: [*angrily comes to pick you up* got to be folorn and separate soz guys it won't be for long] Janis: don't turn into a ⛄ Jimmy: use your head, girl, it'd save me building our kid's reindeer Janis: could Jack Frost your dad Janis: he melts away at the end, yeah? Jimmy: I dunno that one Janis: I think it's depressing so won't recc it for your Christmas day watch Jimmy: sounds like a top pick for us, that Janis: play with your dead dad for the winter then take him up a mountain when he starts to melt, still melts though Jimmy: I googled it, he's what they invented my 😎 emoji for Jimmy: rock star dickhead Janis: and he was batman Janis: you're so outshined Jimmy: 😭💔🎻 Jimmy: piss off and fake marry him if you love him that bad, Jasmine Janis: question, if the harmonica was magic, could he see him every winter from then on Janis: and how many winters before the kid is like, let's just skip that whole charade this year Jimmy: depends how many bollocks sequels they were reckoning on doing when they wrote that bit Jimmy: how old were the kid? by the time he's 12 he'll be telling batdad to piss off Janis: I swear he was already that old Janis: one time deal and we accidentally break that harmonica Jimmy: gutted it ain't that easy to be rid of Ian Jimmy: but promise I'll melt when you're #overthis Jimmy: no need for a fake break up Janis: yeah right Janis: you're no Jack Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Janis: 😭💔🎻 is mutual Jimmy: will be when this is the last you see of me Janis: shut up Jimmy: if that's what you want your last words to me to be Janis: if you were freezing to death/getting murdered/a combo of the two, you wouldn't have the time to be pissing about in the 💬 Jimmy: always have the time for you, baby Jimmy: fine with them being my last words Janis: an empty promise? Jimmy: there's nowt empty about it Janis: it's empty if you're fucking off and dying Janis: the ⏲ running Jimmy: what 'cause 💀💀💀 is gonna separate us? Bill won't be having that Jimmy: 👻💕 Janis: he does write it Jimmy: and his writing were heavily ❌ which you know he's FUMING ABOUT Janis: heavily plagiarized, so I've heard Jimmy: 🤫 he'll haunt you Janis: that's what he wants Jimmy: he might do but you don't need to be nicking my mates Janis: you've got a new one Jimmy: ? Janis: your barista buddy Janis: with the 🎄 foliage Jimmy: piss off, he's not my mate Janis: alright Janis: boyfriend Jimmy: if I had him, I wouldn't need to fake date you Janis: 1. rude 2. we're all gutted he's taken don't take it out on me Jimmy: I don't fuck my co-workers, his missus or how 💔 any dickhead is don't come into it Janis: alright Janis: obviously a pisstake but well impressive how noble you are Jimmy: @iantaylor8 for being a 🏆 cautionary tale Jimmy: if nowt else he's useless for what not to bother doing Jimmy: *useful [watch me write the literal opposite word to what I meant because I'm tired and you usually are useless sir] Janis: I don't think he'd mind a cheeky bum squeeze Jimmy: depends who off of Janis: not your dad, obvs Jimmy: 🤢 obvs dickhead Jimmy: your 🧠 is only on the 1 track at the minute Janis: I'm trying to keep you company dickhead Janis: you wanna talk about how cold and dark it is? Jimmy: why are them your options? Janis: I'm just talking Janis: why do you wanna talk about something specific or? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: what do you mean, it's simple Janis: you've either got something in mind or you ain't Jimmy: what's simpler than saying something if there were owt on my 🧠 Janis: you're known for that Jimmy: and you're known for being funny Janis: if 'piss off' is on your mind, hurry up and get it off the tip of your tongue Jimmy: What so you can put some more words there? You're alright Janis: I haven't said you said shit Jimmy: not THAT thick and you ain't that subtle Janis: ? Jimmy: just call me a mardy prick or owt else you reckon Jimmy: that's where this is going Janis: you're being weird, that's where this is Jimmy: it weren't me who brought up the mates or boyfriends I should have Janis: it was a joke, not going to say that again Janis: and I'm surrounded by both, aren't I? Janis: gonna open myself up for that easy shot Jimmy: no need to beg me to repeat how funny it were Jimmy: 😂���😂😂😂😂😂 Janis: forget it Janis: just tell me when you've got home Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [literally a hot second later because Jimothy don't wanna leave it like this ever] Jimmy: fuck this, no Jimmy: I don't wanna just tell you when I'm back Janis: stop being a total arsehole then Janis: I know you don't wanna go home right now Jimmy: I'll leave it out Jimmy: it's just Jimmy: weird Janis: why? Jimmy: What do you mean why? You properly turned christmas eve round Jimmy: I'm used to it being shit but not this Jimmy: and it's doing my head in that I can't see you tomorrow Janis: we could Janis: still allowed 🚬 breaks, right? Janis: once the main events 🎁🦃 are out the way Jimmy: bit far to come to nick all my 🚬 Janis: someone has to walk Killer Jimmy: alright Janis: if you want Jimmy: I said Jimmy: it's if you want Janis: I suggested it Jimmy: there you go then Janis: you're so awkward Jimmy: how am I? Janis: you just are Jimmy: if you ain't got any #receipts hun, don't come for me Janis: 😂 Janis: eurgh Jimmy: 💅🤷 Janis: wonder how their xmas eve went Jimmy: 💀👑 probably started opening her 🎁s at midnight Jimmy: still cracking on Jimmy: 💎💰🐴💄👜👠💰👗💎 Janis: I'm SO jealous Jimmy: me an' all, obvs Jimmy: but she can keep the new 🐩 Janis: Christ Janis: I swear to GOD if my sister has got that baby a fucking puppy Jimmy: 💭 of the 🐕🏃💰 Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 trainer, you Janis: I wouldn't if they paid double Jimmy: we'll @ Mia's daddy to negotiate the rates Janis: hot Janis: can't wait Jimmy: the ONLY christmas gift worth having, I get it Janis: Obviously Janis: the 💔 would finally off her Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: you can hit him up Janis: not calling dibs Jimmy: He's SO fit and mysterious I dunno which of us is more his type 🤔❗❓ Janis: you're thicker Janis: could be his secretary Jimmy: hang on, are you calling me fat or Asia? Janis: Honey, you're both 😘 Jimmy: 😍 Jimmy: I'm tiktok Tammy Janis: You really are Janis: I know who I am, we don't need to say Jimmy: SO complimentary after midnight, you Janis: wow, Gremlin is a new low Janis: you're as rude as ever Jimmy: come on, you can be the cute ginger one Janis: you're the fattest one Jimmy: least you didn't say I were the dickhead lad Janis: not actually seen 'em, tbh Janis: if the shoe fits Jimmy: I'll suggest it for our sleepover with 💀👑 and her gremlins Janis: such a shame we never got that Jimmy: I'll make it happen for you, my dear Janis: gotta desecrate all her beds or what's the point Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Janis: 💪🏆 Janis: how long can I get away with lying in tomorrow do you reckon Jimmy: @ Libi with them Q&As Janis: 😩😩 Jimmy: baby Jimmy: [🥺 selfie] Janis: it's rude that you're so fit even in flash lighting Janis: dickhead Jimmy: you could let me have it Jimmy: how fit you are Janis: but Jimmy: ? Janis: I don't wanna miss you Jimmy: don't, I'm here 👋💕 Janis: 😏 Jimmy: I meant what I said Jimmy: tonight were good Jimmy: I don't want it to be done for ages Janis: alright Jimmy: [sends her a 👍 pic like a nerd] Janis: we'll do something 🥊 day Janis: even if my nan says no to Libi coming, yeah Jimmy: she'll be 💔 but yeah Janis: yeah, 🤞 Jimmy: if Libi knew she'd have a word with 🎅 probably 🥊 him Janis: see if I can convince Buster to put on the beard and let her go for it Jimmy: get your shit nan to grow hers out Janis: 😶 Janis: and you were SUCH a nice boy Jimmy: should've said you wanted me to 🥊 her Jimmy: did owe you after that Sharon 💋 Janis: there'll be other chances Janis: not the only one who attracts people having mid-life crises Jimmy: we have SO MUCH in common Jimmy: I'll 🥊 Lucas for you whenever Janis: 🥰🥰🥰 Jimmy: his is an end of life crisis but Janis: 🔪🔪🔪? Janis: 😳 Jimmy: I were on about him being 👴 Jimmy: but obvs I'll stab him if you want Janis: we can do it together Janis: bit more macbeth but Bill should still be alright with it Jimmy: #datenight Jimmy: that'll be SO romantic Janis: 💋🩸 Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: how cold are your fingers? Jimmy: as a come on goes Jimmy: well creative Janis: it would be if you weren't (hopefully) nearly home Jimmy: I ain't the athlete you are, Jenna Janis: Oh, babes Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: gonna have to train you too? Janis: what a #humblebrag Jimmy: depends what treats you've got Janis: what was it Janis: pies, pints and ...? Jimmy: 🥔 DUH Jimmy: but I'll have 🚬 off you an' all once I get another lighter Janis: well that explains it Janis: sensitive subject Jimmy: said you'd be calling me a mardy prick Janis: I was talking about the famine Janis: you've got a lot to learn, boy Jimmy: go on then 🤓 Janis: you want a history lesson, you're the 🤓 Jimmy: if you ain't up to teaching me something, I'll take it back Janis: psh Janis: didn't say that Jimmy: so go on Janis: [a rundown I ain't gonna give lmao] Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: um, give me more 👏🌹 dickhead Janis: that was EFFORT Jimmy: *🥇 Jimmy: alright? Janis: it'll do Jimmy: what more do you want? Janis: I said it'd do Janis: 😇 Jimmy: but Jimmy: effort for effort, like Janis: You need to get some sleep Janis: we can talk about effort tomorrow Jimmy: I've got a snow reindeer to build Janis: you're gonna be knackered Jimmy: used to that an' all 👴🎻 Janis: 🚬 break will make it better, promise Jimmy: I miss you Janis: you'll think of me when you make your Rudolph sculpture Jimmy: got any 💡🥇 for how to make his nose glow? Janis: 🤔 Janis: except for making him blush, not really Janis: can't use any 💡 or 🔥 Jimmy: reckon he's gonna be more of a challenge to get 😳 than you Janis: that's funny Janis: not how I 💭 it being Jimmy: bit weird that Jimmy: 'cause it's how it were Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Oi Janis: what Jimmy: 🙄 is what Janis: it's better than 😳 Jimmy: 😳 suits you Janis: maybe it suits you too Jimmy: does it? Janis: yeah Janis: a lot Jimmy: [a lil 😳 vid while he's doing this snow reindeer is he just cold, we all know the answer] Jimmy: 🎁 Janis: oh Jimmy: you gonna give me one back or what? Janis: a competition to see who can 😳 the most isn't one I wanted 🥇 for but Janis: [obvs does, obvs cute and dying] Jimmy: you can have it though Janis: rather you came back Janis: but I'll take it Jimmy: 🏃 Janis: should've let you stay longer Janis: SO hard being SUCH a good person Jimmy: all that dickhead 🎅's fault Jimmy: having a list Jimmy: SUCH a tory Janis: massive tory Janis: no prezzies for poor kids Janis: lump of coal to rub it in Jimmy: he's about as subtle as my dad, funny that Jimmy: ALMOST like they might be the same bloke Jimmy: with an identical fetish for the mines Janis: 😱🤢😵 Janis: keep that to yourself before you ruin anyone else's Christmas Janis: explains how he's always working Jimmy: !!!🤯 Jimmy: send tweet to everyone but our kid and Libi Janis: you're good with her Jimmy: ain't much of a job to piss about with her Jimmy: she's alright Janis: you should takeover Gracie's gig instead Janis: swapsies Jimmy: Ian should just pay me but won't hold my breath Jimmy: not with these lungs Janis: suppose he pays you with the roof over your head and that's the excuse for everything 🙄 Janis: know the sort Jimmy: can't forget hot water, food, clothes on my back, be a right pisstake Janis: of course Janis: where is his 🥇 Jimmy: he really did reckon he deserved one for the 🐕 Jimmy: 🎻💔😭 mate Janis: LOVE another mouth to begrudgingly feed Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: how old was your dad when he had you Jimmy: how old's he now? 105?? 🤔 Jimmy: hang on, nah, what's that saying? Only as old as the lass you smack on the arse Janis: 😏 past it then Janis: point remains anyway, people stay stupid Jimmy: northern and thick Jimmy: top combo that Janis: all people are the same Janis: collect a load of 👶👧👦🐶 you think you want 'cos it feels good at the time Jimmy: Dunno if it ever did for him, more in it for the 🎻💔😭 Janis: 💘 of the tragic backstory Jimmy: *life story Jimmy: that goes on and fucking on Janis: its called generational trauma Janis: you'd know if your ma was a wanna-be hippie Jimmy: @ him Jimmy: and my mum Janis: it's just a word to throw about Janis: if she knows how to heal it she's keeping that one to herself Jimmy: that'll work, they both love throwing words about Jimmy: don't matter if they know what they mean or not Janis: there you go Janis: @ each other Janis: spark that back up Jimmy: there's that 🎄 miracle my sister has her 🤞 for Jimmy: she'll be chuffed to bits Janis: 😬 Janis: shit Jimmy: been ages but if any dickhead can sort it 🎅 Janis: 🚗❓😡🛫🛬🏡🙏 Jimmy: sounds about right that Ian would 💭 my mum had popped back up just to nick his car Janis: I mean, fairplay if she did Janis: I just meant if your plan works though you'll be 🥇 brother x2 again Jimmy: dunno about that Janis: maybe for like, a day, anyway Jimmy: 🤞😁🤞 Jimmy: be me Janis: awh Janis: cute Jimmy: soz I meant Jimmy: *🌧😒 Janis: easy mistake to make Janis: still cute Jimmy: stop flirting with me Jimmy: if I  keep 😳 all the snow'll melt Janis: 👋 shit dad Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 full orchestra Janis: so emotional Jimmy: 💰 on that soundtrack being top quality Jimmy: have a look Janis: there's 3 hanson songs Janis: none of which being mmbop Jimmy: what the fuck Janis: 1998 was a time, apparently Jimmy: 💔 I ain't a time travelling 👻 or ⛄ Janis: "It's possible for the Jim Henson folks and Industrial Light and Magic to put their heads together and come up with the most repulsive single creature in the history of special effects, and I am not forgetting the Chucky doll or the desert intestine from Star Wars." Janis: when your dad gets dragged Jimmy: 😂 Janis: I guess it's better than when they redid the whole Jack Frost vibe later and they made him look like one of your coworkers Jimmy: if he pops a CV in I'll be out the door Janis: yeah you will Janis: 💔 for the fans Jimmy: OI Jimmy: you're meant to reassure me, dickhead Janis: Babe Janis: you're the best barista they've ever had Janis: better? Jimmy: late than never Janis: Baby boy Jimmy: you weren't taking the piss when you had shit that were actually edible offered to you Jimmy: all the 🏆 for me then Janis: I'm not taking the piss Jimmy: bollocks Janis: out of the fact girls lose their shit over you 'cos you can make a coffee, maybe Jimmy: 😎🚬 is more of a skill, we both get it Janis: I don't know if I'd say it's more impressive but more interesting, sure Jimmy: but if you want another go at ☕🎨 I'll ❌ this bit out Janis: if they paid me, happy to Jimmy: barely pay me, mate Jimmy: that'll be why I spend loads of my shifts 🗨 to you Janis: just so 🥱 Jimmy: *😍 Janis: 🥅 nice save Jimmy: ain't a 👏👏🌹 chaser like you, girl Jimmy: I could hack being a goalie for a bit Jimmy: just that good with my hands any road Janis: 😂 Janis: you 🤞 to prove it and I'll come see you some more Janis: teach me what you like Jimmy: be thicker than I look to refuse an offer like that Janis: right answer Jimmy: I can really see you tomorrow, yeah? Jimmy: that's not just Janis: yeah Janis: can't stop me going out for fresh air, like Jimmy: 🤞? Janis: Promise Janis: I don't give a fuck Janis: I wanna see you Jimmy: that feels like the right answer to me Janis: I've got to see and pretend to listen to loads of people I don't wanna see Janis: only fair Jimmy: drive over if you want, there'll be somewhere else we can leave the 🚗 that'll still do his head in Janis: might take you up on that Jimmy: bring the dog like you said if you want an' all, that'll piss him off Janis: ha Janis: he'll proper think I've got no home to go to then Janis: 🥺🎻 Jimmy: DUH the obvs answer is you drive back home after, why didn't I think that though? Jimmy: don't need anywhere else to leave it Janis: it's okay Janis: you were so buzzing Janis: no 🩸 in your 🧠 Jimmy: just don't want you to leave Jimmy: near the same thing Janis: 😎 Jimmy: [sending her pics of this finished reindeer moment] Janis: that's not the abomination I reckoned it'd be Janis: he'll be well 😁 again Jimmy: how hard do you wanna backhand that compliment? Janis: who's good at making snowmen, never mind snowreindeer Janis: only that blindly 🙌👏🌹 of you for the fans Jimmy: me, dickhead Janis: not gonna say soz for my caution Jimmy: that snow angel ended up so much like you 💀👑 'll be doing shit to it as we 🗨 Janis: anything to cool her down Janis: 🥵 to 🥶 Jimmy: clinging to life to finally dead, it's alright, you can say it Janis: 💁 what happens happens, babe Janis: how are we to know/pray Jimmy: what I'm willing to make happen for you, I don't need jesus about for 👀🍿 unless he wants to help clean up or hide a bit of evidence, as a mate Janis: 1. that's actually hot so fuck you 2. you are practically saved now, you're welcome Jimmy: mixed messages there Jimmy: I get it, you need a minute with the visuals Janis: I said what I said Jimmy: 😏 Janis: go inside now? Janis: get warm Jimmy: 🛏 or 🚿? Janis: what was it you said about visuals Jimmy: take a minute with them Jimmy: to decide Janis: you're not gonna get enough anyway Janis: may as well 🚿 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: nothing else impacted my decision, at all Jimmy: dunno what would Janis: it's a mystery Jimmy: [do get in the shower with your waterproof phone of the future] Janis: [what a time to be alive] Jimmy: [honestly, what more could you need when you're young, in love and extra] Janis: I don't wanna go sleep Jimmy: why? Janis: 🎅🎁🎄 Janis: excitement is too real Jimmy: now the answer that ain't bollocks Janis: it's stupid Jimmy: I doubt that Janis: I just don't wanna stop chatting to you Jimmy: so stay with me Janis: okay Jimmy: it is Jimmy: you don't have to feel stupid Janis: 🤏 Jimmy: ❌ Janis: 🙊 Jimmy: that weren't an animal comparison I made Jimmy: bit dangerous Janis: go ahead and be racist if the mood takes Janis: I don't care and I TOTALLY WON'T use the receipts later when you piss me off Jimmy: not my dad, you're alright Janis: thank GOD you reminded me Jimmy: easy mistake, that Janis: hardly Janis: gonna ask your brother to do an impression of you next, nothing like it, guaranteed Jimmy: 😒 twinning's all it takes Jimmy: look enough like him, nowt I can do about it Janis: yeah Janis: I get it Jimmy: you don't look like Gracie Jimmy: she wishes Janis: plenty of other unfavourable options of people I do Jimmy: I ain't got that list Janis: my nan, mostly Janis: non shit Jimmy: fit nan and shit nan Jimmy: easy to remember Janis: shut up Jimmy: what? Janis: that's gross Jimmy: I'm not gonna ask her on a fake date Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: take the compliment Janis: for my nan? Janis: yeah, not gonna pass it on over the turkey but tah Jimmy: she's fit 'cause she looks like you Jimmy: mysterious she can have Janis: 👌 quit whilst you're ahead Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: you're bad at cards, got it Jimmy: spread it about, we'll have some piss easy wins Janis: 😏 alright Janis: bit of an obvious trick but they are all exceptionally stupid so Jimmy: not the worst plan we've come up and had to pull off Janis: suppose not Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: 🔪🖐🩸 Jimmy: open a vein so I know it's real, babe Janis: go ahead and take your pick Jimmy: you're the 🧛 I don't play favourites Jimmy: they're all 🥇 Janis: arteries explode out and veins slowly bleed out, I think Janis: you've already made your intentions clear Jimmy: have I? Janis: slow and painful death Jimmy: for me, not you Janis: yeah? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: up to you, that Janis: considerate Jimmy: sound more shocked, dickhead Janis: maybe I told you what I wanted already Jimmy: and what, you're never gonna tell me again? Janis: depends Jimmy: on? Janis: if you wanna hear it Jimmy: why wouldn't I? Janis: you're saved Janis: don't wanna drag you down Jimmy: what if I want you to? Janis: careful what you wish for Jimmy: fuck that Jimmy: If I'm wishing for it that means I want it Jimmy: I don't have wishes to waste on bollocks Janis: three's standard Janis: but won't do the whole, fucking you over 'cos you weren't specific enough/need to learn a valuable lesson bullshit Jimmy: leaves me one Janis: go on then Jimmy: tell me then Janis: I want slow and painful too Janis: I want you to kill me and drag me down Jimmy: I promise Janis: Good Jimmy: starting tomorrow, Jules Janis: tomorrow Jimmy: but it's today Jimmy: well past midnight by now Janis: okay Cinderella Janis: you didn't turn back into a pumpkin Jimmy: or melt under the 🚿 Janis: thank goodness Janis: don't want to have to keep a constant 👀 on you Jimmy: UGH fine, I won't give you the log ins for the stalker account Janis: and definitely DON'T video call me next time you need a 🚿 Janis: would just hate that Jimmy: fuming does suit you Janis: you are very frustrating Jimmy: without trying an' all Jimmy: 💭 if I were Janis: I can't bear to think about that Janis: to be honest Janis: I'll just Jimmy: it's alright Jimmy: you can just Janis: can I Jimmy: yeah Janis: tomorrow Jimmy: *today Janis: right Janis: not gonna tell you I'm counting the minutes or anything but the fans would 💖 Jimmy: if I could count Janis: 🖕✌🤟 baby Jimmy: 😂 Janis: I'll show you how to do it backwards and everything Janis: but I'll let you be working with less alcohol more sleep Janis: I'm nothing if not fair Jimmy: and just 🤏 rude Janis: you like it Jimmy: never said I didn't Janis: just saying you do Jimmy: til I do, you can Jimmy: I'll need better working conditions to 🖋 the FULL list Janis: you'll have to at least tell me your conditions if you want them to be met Jimmy: you'll know when you've met them Janis: 😒 Jimmy: that won't be my face, for a start Janis: 🤞😁🤞 Janis: I remember Jimmy: bit far down the other end of the scale but alright Janis: 😊? Jimmy: have to get the red cheeks in, I 👀 you Janis: there's got to be something in it for me, like Janis: not a 😇 Jimmy: and you reckon that'll be all there is in it for you? Janis: they're your conditions Jimmy: but what kind of fake boyfriend would I be? Jimmy: not 🥇 Janis: assumed your ideal wouldn't have much fan pandering in it Jimmy: LOVE the fans, me Janis: my mistake Jimmy: another easy one, obvs Janis: it's the 😒 Jimmy: @iantaylor8 for his share of that blame Janis: didn't say I didn't like it Jimmy: you never said you did either Janis: yeah I have Janis: loads of times Jimmy: so say it again Janis: well fit and mysterious Janis: duh Jimmy: 😊 Janis: mm Janis: that's weird Jimmy: can't win with you Janis: I just Janis: what's that line Janis: like you, just as your are? Janis: go with that Jimmy: festive Jimmy: I bet his jumper were itchy Janis: just jealous of the rudolph one Jimmy: nowt else to be after from that posh lad Janis: his hair is nice Jimmy: I dunno I were looking further down Janis: 😂 Janis: his beautiful eyes, sure Jimmy: if you need to go have a bit of alone time with them visuals, crack on Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: if that's the technique you wanna use, nowt to do with me but Janis: shut up Janis: you wanna give me tips now Jimmy: I'd have to show you if I'm 🤐 Janis: you're always bragging about being good with your hands Jimmy: that'll be 'cause I am Janis: sure Jimmy: I'll show you Janis: if you're gonna slag me off in sign, way ahead of you Jimmy: depends on how shit of a review you give me for what I am gonna do Janis: seems unlikely Janis: track record, and how nice I am Jimmy: not doubting myself, Judith Jimmy: way ahead of you on how unlikely it is Janis: not sorry for wanting proof Jimmy: you won't be sorry when you get it Janis: come on Janis: stop teasing me Jimmy: I'll have a job to touch you from here Janis: 😣 Jimmy: I know Janis: 😠 on the scale, actually Jimmy: 😡 'cause it's festive and you reckon the colour suits me Janis: yes x2 Janis: on brand Jimmy: 💡🥇 hang on Jimmy: [a saucy lil video of how good he is with his hands on himself because the best we can do rn as far as proof goes] Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: 🎁 Janis: you're just going to do that Janis: and act like you haven't killed me Jimmy: I said I would Janis: you weren't messing about Jimmy: slow and painful as I could manage Janis: I can see that Janis: Jesus, boy Jimmy: can't have you calling me a tease Janis: challenge accepted, yeah? Jimmy: always Janis: 🥇 is right Jimmy: for you, yeah Janis: it is for me Jimmy: Where are you on the scale now? Janis: If I could tell you how 🤯 I am, it wouldn't convey it Janis: speechless or 🥴 Jimmy: not gonna be a prick and call it a 🎄 miracle Janis: if I show you back you can call it that Janis: nice list still possible Jimmy: dunno if you can keep saving me and say you wanna drag me down but alright Janis: I want dragging you down to be fun, on both accounts Janis: what fun's a shit Christmas with no presents? Jimmy: you've given me loads of 🎁s Janis: if you don't wanna see me Jimmy: I'd never say that Janis: so say you wanna Jimmy: [voice memo just because] Janis: [some risque photos but not doing a video because we don't trust and the issues there sorry] Jimmy: [that's so real] Jimmy: speechless is right Janis: I just wanna show you I miss you too Jimmy: you did Jimmy: we're on the same page, no pisstake for once Janis: you have no idea Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: okay, some idea Janis: it's not 🥇 though Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: I give the 🏆s out Janis: yours was better though Janis: but I'm not mad to take 🥈if it means I get to feel that Jimmy: you weren't expecting it, nowt else Janis: weren't expecting you is a good way to put it Jimmy: I get that Janis: I dunno Janis: I'm drunk and horny, that's all Jimmy: is it? Janis: I don't know Jimmy: alright Janis: 'tis the season Jimmy: 🥛🍪 Janis: he's been and gone, babe Janis: I checked Jimmy: he's in your 💘 forever, girl Janis: 2000 miles, yeah Jimmy: don't be get getting 🎄🎵 in my head Janis: I need to get you out of mine Jimmy: rude Janis: not like that Janis: it's your fault Jimmy: there's loads of room in your head for me Janis: ha ha Jimmy: let me stay Janis: how could I refuse Jimmy: Bill'd have suggestions Janis: he's not speaking to me right now Jimmy: it'd only be some bollocks with a fan Jimmy: like we don't have other ways to send secret 💌 Jimmy: what did you do to piss him off? Janis: like if I smack you 'round the head with it I might be a bit pissed off? 👍 Janis: his mind, honestly Janis: not being very 💘 right now Janis: letting you leave so easily, not very starcrossed of me Jimmy: I've got no complaints, he can leave his out Jimmy: before you start, I know that don't sound like me Jimmy: but if he's gonna be mardy, might as well break character and really do his head in Janis: he's got NOTES about the lack of ⛓⛓ Janis: but when I told him he was trying to compete with Dickens he went full 😒😒 instead of you 😱 Janis: meant to say FUCK OUR FAMILIES and be all about each other only, not, fair play, reckon you should go back before the kids wake up 🙄🤷 Jimmy: he can't say we didn't take that stage direction Jimmy: fuck Ian is written in every margin Janis: exactly Janis: he wants me to kick the 🐶 in the face or what? Jimmy: I think that were me Janis: doing the kicking or getting kicked Jimmy: obvs kicking the 🐕 Jimmy: but a 🥊 would be festive if you've got your 💘 set on it Janis: he's probably into some light ⚽🏀 torture Janis: I 👀 it in your future, Romeo Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 😏 Jimmy: how far in the future have you had a look? Janis: 🔮 NYE Jimmy: night of my 💀💀💀 Jimmy: I get it Janis: Obvs I cannot IMAGINE life after that Jimmy: duh Jimmy: what kind of life would it be Janis: NOT the one Bill wrote, that's for sure Jimmy: he ain't thinking about how fit you'd look in all that black Jimmy: I'll have a word Janis: I've not got an ugly cry face either Janis: just put that out there Jimmy: it's all coming up 🌹s Jimmy: he'll get his head round the rewrite and be chuffed to bits Janis: 👎 Jimmy: ? Janis: I wanted slow and painful Janis: not to fake 😭 forever Jimmy: set the date then, baby Janis: have to see where you are after your dad finds out Janis: doubt you'll be going anywhere before NYE Jimmy: he'll have his own murder to do Jimmy: can't have Sharon pining forever AND have all the 💔😭🎻 for himself Janis: ooh fun Janis: odds on he'll strangle her though, predictable Jimmy: Dunno if he's got the stamina for it Jimmy: might have to just smack her with something Jimmy: gutted he don't have any 🏆 Janis: 😬 #cantrelate 💘🙌💪 Jimmy: can't escape the comparisons, me Jimmy: ⛏ or 🔦 from his mining days'll do 🤞 Janis: get caught for keeping the murder weapon Janis: just can't let go Janis: I like it for him Jimmy: coal dust at the scene of the crime and her last meal were 🥧🥔🍺 Janis: 😂 Janis: was nice of him to make sure she was fed Janis: blame, where??? Janis: 🥇 bloke Jimmy: she'll have made it for him but if she don't crack on to them leftovers how'll she have enough stamina herself to do the washing up Jimmy: he's learnt from past mistakes there Janis: don't smack her 'til the chores are done? Janis: keep that in mind Janis: thought it was his motivational tactic Jimmy: and get the next one to clean up the 🩸🦷 so you can't hang about smacking that Sharon's arse an' all Janis: got a system Janis: almost have to respect it Jimmy: @ him Jimmy: best 🎄🎁 going Janis: I'll pop out a box tomorrow if he likes Jimmy: you got one massive enough? Janis: oi Janis: fat shame me on christmas Jimmy: 🗨 about nowt but your head Jimmy: but 💭 about it, doing your 🦒 neck in would be AGONY Janis: OFFER 👏 ME 👏 A 👏 MASSAGE 👏 OMG Janis: -100 #goals points Jimmy: give me chance, dickhead Jimmy: you ain't even out the box yet Janis: not in it Janis: let me eat my dinner and unwrap my presents first Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: don't be taking #goals points off me Janis: well you'll have to think of your own idea now Janis: can't copy me Jimmy: easy Janis: we'll see Jimmy: making it sound like I ain't had loads of 💡🥇 already is a bit of a pisstake but alright Janis: not that easy Janis: I've already been well too nice to you Jimmy: ❌ out the bit where you're chatting bollocks and we're left with the right amount of nice Janis: 🎅 is the ONLY man who makes those kind of calls Janis: how dare you Jimmy: ain't stopping him 📞 in Janis: alright if you reckon he'll side with you Jimmy: I'll talk him round if he's pissing about on yours Janis: Good luck he doesn't do sign Janis: and I don't think he could understand your accent either Jimmy: better at not talking, me Janis: hoe Jimmy: #seducesanta probably already trending Janis: unoriginal but popular Janis: basically this plan in a nutshell Jimmy: I'm nowt if not on brand Jimmy: and #suckingoffsantaclaus is a bit Jimmy: it's just not mysterious enough Janis: SO weird no 😎 Jimmy: what else is he 📞 at this time of the morning for? Jimmy: bloody tease Janis: he's just finished work and he wants to debrief Janis: it's like you don't even care Janis: one-track mind 🙄 Jimmy: UGH fine #spooningsanta Janis: 🥉 you tried Jimmy: he'll rate it Jimmy: you're too jealous to give me any credit is all Janis: oh please Jimmy: stop begging, I can't cuddle you from there Jimmy: you'll have to get a lift with 🎅 Janis: 😑 twat Jimmy: soz I'm not a 🦧 Janis: that's my type now? Jimmy: I dunno what other animals have long arms Jimmy: you tell me Jimmy: 🐍 spooning just sounds like I'm gonna suffocate you Janis: 🐙 Janis: and 😍😍🤤 Jimmy: SHIT that'd have been a top one Jimmy: fucking hell Janis: 🏆 Janis: what do I win? Jimmy: I'm too fuming to 💭 Janis: rude Jimmy: blame that 🐙 dickhead Jimmy: making me look even thicker than my face does Janis: soz you can't compete with me or tentacles Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: who's 🦑 an' all? Janis: 😬 Janis: at least it's not 🦐 boy Janis: remember him Jimmy: how could I forget? Jimmy: what a #lad Janis: yeah Janis: no arms at all there though Janis: ❌❌❌ Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: you can have him Janis: he'll be so 😁 Jimmy: and what, you're saying grateful is my type? Janis: as that would be a fake self-drag Janis: I would NEVER Jimmy: 🦐'll have to live without me Jimmy: or 💀💀💀 if we're starting that trend Janis: he might be that gutted when you're gone Janis: if I have the misfortune of having to stick around here and be a 👻 Janis: I'll let you know, somehow Jimmy: 🤞 him and all the other dickheads who do your head in Jimmy: 'cause you won't be a 👻 unless you have unfinished bollocks Jimmy: and I reckon that's gotta be a bit more than 🐕🏃 so you'll be alright Janis: tah for your expert opinion Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: rot in peace, my dear 💕 Janis: with so little going on, how could I not Jimmy: it's a done deal Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 🥀 Janis: think one of the kids has woken up Janis: brb Jimmy: 👌 Janis: [obviously we're dipping] Jimmy: [you wanna post this then gal it's probably long af] Janis: [we can start actually xmas day in a different convo if you wanna yeah]

[lejojotrash]

Wow I'm so happy I can send another! Thank you! May this please be an imagine if it isn't too much to ask for another la squadra members imagine set? I just worry because of how much writing is involved in a set it may be daunting in your ask box. The members of La squadra being visibly stressed or upset and their shy fem member approaches them with a gift like chocolates or something they like because she wants her teammates to feel happy too and she cares about them. Thanks if you do this!

Heyyyy. I’m sorry the request took so long… and I didn’t write all of the members, I’m like feeling lowky sick rn. If you want the other three written, you can request it again if you want. I’m so extremely sorry!

Ghiaccio

Anger and stress are the two emotions present on Ghiaccio’s face constantly (maybe add constipation in the mix as well). However were times where his mood can get from worse to even more worse. This was one of those times.

The only two members at the base were you and Ghiaccio, frankly because the other La Squadra members can hardly handle him at his worse, and now that Ghiaccio was in one of his moods, nobody was gonna put up with that shitty attitude of his (Risotto included).

You just got back to the base from a day of grocery shopping, even buying something that you hoped that it would cheer him up because you’d like to think you were a member that he tolerated. Ghiaccio rarely insults you, even converses with you on some occasions after a year of you being on the squad, so that’s how you came to the conclusion.

You held in your hand, a blueberry popsicle, right in front of Ghiaccio’s room. Hopefully he liked blueberry. You knew he liked popsicles because he ate the frozen snack most of the time, even in the winter, and he probably likes blueberry because… Well… It was blue.

The only thing preventing you from knocking on the door and giving it to him (as well as keeping the popsicle from melting) was the extremely cold temperature that was literally seeping through the door. You could feel the cold air from a mile away.

You took a deep breath in and out, trying to calm yourself down because you were only giving him a popsicle, nothing important. Just a popsicle. You raised a fist to knock on the door and… Everything was happening quickly. Too quickly for you to process. Ghiaccio opened the door, and then you knocked on his chest, and your faced morphed into extreme discomfort and heat began to rush to your face. You pulled your hand away as if you were burned, and began to gesticulate wildly, trying to bs your way out of this.

You began to pray to every divine deity you knew: God, the Buddha, anything and everything.

“Oh my god- I’m so sorry- I didn’t know that you were going to open the door and-”

“What do you want?” Ghiaccio interrupted you, getting straight to the point. It didn’t look like he was that irritated but more like the calm before the storm kind of way.

“I-You-Popsicle-It’s blueberry-” You stammered your famous last words as you pointed wildly to Ghiaccio and the popsicle in your hand. The temperature dropped a couple more degrees, Ghiaccio’s dark eyes began to narrow behind his obnoxiously bright, red frames. You made a little noise of frustration, and just handed him the popsicle, and began to walk hastily away from him, so you didn’t get to hear a word of complaint come out of his mouth about how he hated blueberry or something.

Ghiaccio stared at your retreating back for a few moments, and then observed the treat you gave to him. He tore off the wrapper, and took a bit out of the popsicle, relishing in coolness and sweet flavor. His facial expression softened for a millisecond, and then he went back into his room, a bit less pissed off than before.

Pesci & Prosciutto

Prosciutto gritted his teeth as he lit yet another cigarette. He lost count of how many he smoked, but his office now currently smelt like Las Vegas and he was out of cigars. He muttered a few curses under his breath as he ran a hand through his usually neat hair.

Prosciutto heard a couple of soft knocks at the door. He crushed the cigar in his hand, accidentally burning himself.

“Fuck!” Even more frustration. Whoever was at the door was about to face the wraith of him. “What?!”

“I-It’s me…” Prosciutto barely heard your soft voice through the door. He sighed. You were one of the more tolerable members in the squad, shy and recluse, but you still got stuff done.

“Come in,” He forced himself to calm down. Prosciutto didn’t want to lash out on you. You slowly open the door, peeking in through the crack that you made, double checking if it was really okay to enter Prosciutto’s room, and then soon fully opening the door. You lightly coughed as you inhaled the fumes created by Prosciutto’s chain smoking, and making a light frown. “Did you need something?” You looked downwards, as you held up a pack of cigars, and tossed it towards him. Prosciutto caught it with ease.

“…I heard what happened,” You muttered. He scoffed. Who hadn’t heard? Pesci’s second failed mission on his own. His protege. Pesci’s failure might as well be his own because it reflected on Prosciutto too. “You should talk to him…”

“And say what?” He snapped, making you flinch. “There’s nothing to say to him. He failed a mission, and that’s that! I can’t baby him like he’s some child! We’re grown men! We’re assassins!”

“But he’s different. Pesci is different…” Prosciutto knows that. “He’s much more insecure than all of us… I don’t think he’s taking this failure well. He needs encourage, confidence… From someone he looks up to.” He knows that.

“Pesci can’t keep relying on me… What happens if I’m gone… when I’m gone? He needs to learn how to become independent.”

“Just throwing him on the field alone, like trying to teach a child how to swim in the pool by throwing him in, is unwise,” Your voice was becoming a bit louder. Prosciutto sighed, lighting another cigar.

“Just leave,” he didn’t want to deal with this right now, even though you were right about it. You frowned deeply, looking downwards.

“Don’t smoke too much…” You muttered and exited the room, leaving Prosciutto alone with his thoughts.

You traversed over to Pesci’s room next, concerned for his well being, since he hasn’t come out of his room since the failed mission. You lightly knocked on the door, much like how you lightly knocked on Prosciutto’s door. No response. Pesci was probably too scared to face any of the members, it’s not a surprise, everyone was a dick in your squad.

“Pesci?” You called out. You could hear shifting on the other side of the door.

“W-What?” Pesci’s voice was small and muffled, and took that as a sign to enter the room. Pesci’s body was buried under his blankets and comforter, not even peeking to look at you. The room was dark, not a shred of light in it, besides the natural sunlight coming in through the door you opened.

“Hey…” You greeted, your grin weak and awkward. “I’m… I’m sorry about what happened…” Pesci’s body shifted more under the sheets.

“… It’s not like it was your fault…” He grumbled, voice cracking near the end of his sentence. “It’s mine…”

“It happens to the best of us, Pesci,” You walked slowly, cautiously into the room, careful you didn’t step on things that belonged to him. “We’ve all failed on missions, Pesci. Me, Ghiaccio, Prosciutto, even Capo.”

“…But you didn’t ever hesitate, did you? I did. I hesitated when I saw the target, but I just… I just stopped. I don’t know…” Pesci’s voice wavered. “Does big bro hate me?”

“No… Never. He’s just worried.” And disappointed and frustrated, but you didn’t add that. You cracked a smile. “There was a time where I failed a mission back when I was a new member, it was… Hilarious.” More like embarrassing. “Do you wanna hear it?”

“Um…” Pesci hesitated, but peeked out of the blankets for curiosity’s sake. “If you want…” You smiled fully at him, and squatted on his full, chatting softly to him about your embarrassing tale of failing a mission in the darkness of his room and the light barely peeking in.

Formaggio

Any public, crowded places make you… Uncomfortable. So why and how were you in a run down bar with Formaggio, drunk out of his mind, trying to flirt with anything in his sight (including a barstool).

It all started with the build up of emotions Formaggio felt with the members of La Squadra poking fun at his stand, constantly. Formaggio was stressed out and frustrated, but always hid it with a smirk and returned a quip back to whatever member was mocking Little Feet. You felt bad for the poor guy, so in order to cheer up him, you offered to take him for drinks… On you.

Needless to say, one shot turned into two, which turned into three, which turned into four, and so on and so forth. It was quite… Taxing on your poor wallet. You barely get paid enough as it was as an assassin, but as long as Formaggio had his fun.

But seeing as his current drunken state signified that he was having way too much fun hitting on that barstool, you decided that enough was enough.

“Um… Formaggio?” You approached him carefully on the side, tapping on his shoulder lightly. He was staring lustfully at the chair, and without looking he pressed his index finger to your lip, sloppily.

“Shhhhhh…” He slurred. You blushed heavily. “Trying to do something here…” Formaggio turned his head to look at you, his eyes widening as he did so. “Well… Hello there…”

“Um… Hi?” You greeted with a quirked brow, staring in suspicion at your drunk team mate.

“I’ve never… I’ve never seen…” Formaggio hiccuped. “Anyone as beautiful as you… What’s-” another hiccup. “-your name?”

“Formaggio… It’s me…”

“Formaggio?” The drunk man chuckled. “Ha. Your name means ‘cheese’. That’s so stupid.” You stared blankly at him. “Hey wait… That’s my name!” Another laugh coming from him. “That’s a nice name…”

“Sure…” You chuckled weakly. “But hey… It’s getting late… We should, uh, go home?” Formaggio smirked, slinging an arm around your shoulder (he almost hit your face as he did so).

“Your place or mine?”

“Um… The base… HQ… Headquarters,” You corrected as you slowly start to guide him to the door, Formaggio was quite heavy, leaning against you as he stumbled around.

“Ooohhhhhh,” He responded in understanding. His face scrunched up. “We have a base?”

“Yes… We live there…” You huffed as you tired to catch a breath. Formaggio was too heavy. Maybe going to the bar was a bad idea if he was going to be this drunk. Formaggio hummed as his head lolled around, looking everywhere and taking in the sights around him like it was his first time seeing it. Formaggio placed his head on your shoulder, nuzzling in the crook of your neck, making you slightly stiffen.

“Thanks…” He muttered, strangely serious, but not sober because you could still hear his slurred speech, as you felt his warm breath on your neck. You shivered in response and blushed harshly.

“…It’s no problem…” You squeaked out of embarrassment. “I like spending time with you…” Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up.

“Me too… You’re like… The only one who doesn’t make fun of Little Feet…”

“Yeah…”

“We should-” a hiccup “-do this again.”

“I’d rather not carry you home drunk again…”