#i know the traveler creates life but its never conscious life i dont think? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cruddyborderlandstheories · 4 years

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let me explain to you the plot of borderlands 4 (kidding. mostly)

tl;dr: the eridians are evil, or, worse, completely uncaring about the things going on in their little sandcastle. the guardians are salty bitches about it and need our help and/or are going to start slaughtering people and im gonna fuckING TAlk ABOUT IT mostly because i need to write this down bc its been bouncing around my head since the game (bl3, not 4. that’d be wild) came out. minor spoilers for Guns Love and Tentacles. mostly that side quest.

tl;dr: tl;dr: eridians bad, guardians mad, and we are caught in the middle of a war that’s about to go down between them. spoilers for GLaT

tl;dr: tl;dr: tl;dr: Fl4k was a warning. Spoilers.

i dont even know where to begin because FUCK THERE’S SO GODDAMN MUCH TO THIS STORY

so im just going to start listing facts or points (+) of this theory that i remember at this very moment and probably forget a lot of them alright i’ll elaborate on all of this i promise. okay? lets go

+the eridians made a bunch of vaults that hold monsters in them

+some of these monsters are clearly constructs. some of them are not

+those that are clearly constructs:

the warrior

the traveler

the sentinel

+those that are not clearly constructs:

the destroyer

the rampager

the serpent

(possibly) gythian

(possibly) graveward (more on this in a bit)

+those that are not accounted for:

the timekeeper (but do keep this bad boy in mind)

+the eridians made the guardians: biomechanical constructs that are somewhat sentient, gaining sentience, and are supposed to guard the Vaults

+we also know now that there are these things called proving grounds with a salty, sentient guardian named the Overseer:

“vault hunter, I thought you might show up sooner or later. so naughty your species, so curious. the vault of vaults has been opened and IT has been released. prove your worth and I will reveal why the masters made me wait for you”

“naughty humans have opened the vault of vaults but the masters will determine who is a fault. until next time, warrior”

“long ago there was a brief spark, the first vault was opened, a light in the dark. a riddle, yes? perhaps it will unravel next time, hunter”

“so, you’ve returned. persistent, yes. or stubborn? or both. are you so desperate to prove yourself?”

“we were created for one purpose by our masters- and we couldn’t even do that right (laughs). but don’t blame us! when a cog breaks, point your finger at the artificer, not the cog! are you a cog, Vault hunter, or an artificer? Or both? prove yourself worthy.”

“pity us not, though the world has been broken. those who sleep will soon be awoken. not long now, seeker.”

“the eridians were our masters, but we failed them. they gave the order then silence. they VANISHED. such is our fate, Vault Hunter. server to a master who has left the house so long ago. prove to me that you deserve an introduction.”

“we were supposed to guard the Great Jail. but no quarter for servants who fail. but servant, that is not quite right. ‘Prisoner’. that is what i am. Until next time, adventurer.”

“a final chance to prove yourself. but will your reward be what you desire? a prisoner in a cell staring out at the fathoms of a sleeping universe. after a time, how would you know if you were prisoner or master? consider this while you prove yourself one last time.”

“it has come to this. one last trial. but will your efforts be worthwhile? that is what we will determine next time, hero”

“I am a prisoner, but you, vault hunter? what are you? hunter, warrior, hero? no matter what name i use, you return to prove yourself time and time again. but prove it to whom, i wonder? perhaps you seek a greater audition”

“it is done and my masters have taken note. would you like to know what they told me right before they vanished? ‘beware the vault hunters, they will take your kind’s place’. now i am free, and you are chained. until next time, guardian”

“well done, but have they taken note? that is what I wonder.”

+ the entire thing about there being a Fallen Guardian we have to kill

+ how the entire thing of the trails are copies of the worlds we visited to open the Great Vault. either the eridians can see through time (TPS) or they built these recently

+how dark Maliwan is probably working together with the Guardians on Nekrotefeyo given the fact they’re working together in one of the trials

+oh and remember how i suggested Maruice’s ghostie goo (ectoplasm) is actually related to eridians and such? YEAH. turns out that was right.

+Nyriad, the unreliable narrator

+the fucking Forgetting

+how the eridians are NOT ACTUALLY GONE FOR GOOD

+the seraphs!!!

+how the guardians are all named after angels, sirens are tied to humanity’s religious imagery

+how tyreen literally only loosened the chains on the Destroyer and the destroyer is going to break free from pandora

+how animals and people like bloodwing, slag psychos, etc mutate due to the eridium on pandora

+the destroyer’s reaction to slag being injected into its eye is straight panic

+the vault monsters that are fleshy were probably science experiments by the Eridians to test eridium and/or the results of being locked in the vaults for ages

+humanity was probably created by the eridians as well (more on that later)

+the Watcher actually WANTS us to have more Vault Hunters, she warns us that war is coming. all we can assume right now is either the Watcher fucked up big time, or she WANTED all this to happen. More on that later.

+the guardians are preparing for war. the overseer seems especially salty about the cause of it.

+ graveward was killed at some point, so the guardians brought it back using the ships, so that they could use their souls to posses it (further proved by the loot: Grave, relic, and Ward, shield)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

alright holy fuck

that’s a lotta stuff to go over!!! Let’s do this thing.

Let’s start with the Eridians themselves

so. these bad boys. We never really knew much about them, but it was always kinda assumed they’ve been long gone bc of the destroyer, or just out of reach.

now that bl3 dropped we’re supposed to assume that they’re all officially dead bc of Nyriad/the Destroyer

and i am here to say that Nyriad is an unreliable fuckin narrator because she doesn’t know the whole story. in fact, she admits to not knowing everything!!

here’s what I actually think is going on, and yes, I believe 100% the eridians are shady motherfuckers who decided to play god:

the eridians are from a dimension that isn’t ours. we can assume this is a higher dimension, bc of all their weird space/time fuckery, especially the Vaults.

the eridians decided to do some science experiments. they make the vaults and use our dimension to store them and put all their experiments inside. they make guardians to guard their vaults, and they realize they can do better in the ‘making a fully conscious being’ department. they make humanity. they make sirens after experimenting with eridium. they decided to go big or go home, and they make giant monsters. after all that, they realize they fucked up, because there is one monster they cannot contain anymore, after all the shit they put it through

so the eridians realize they done fucked up and escape fully to our dimension, where they placed us and the guardians and all the science experiments they didn’t want to deal with at the moment. The Destroyer follows them

they land on nekrotefeyo, their ‘first landing’ in our dimension (hence the quote above). This, or the eridians had been in our dimension for a while now. Nyriad never says where the Eridians came from, just that they and humanity lived side-by-side, so it’s likely they’d been here for a bit, sending scientists back and forth, just doing their experiments all willy-nilly. And I would bet they created the Destroyer in that time frame.

“for their curiosity, they were rewarded with doom” i believe is a correct statement, but not in the way Nyriad thinks. I think the eridians created the destroyer to see if they could, to test the bounds of what was possible. and it backfired on them in the worst way.

Nyriad also says this, but I have a hard time believing her here

the most this is is speculation, because if none of the civilizations who met the Destroyer had nothing else to pass on, then humanity would not know of their existence. (I mean, she even says ‘SURELY it had different names’) Humanity has no record of other (intelligent) alien life in the universe, or their own civilizations being destroyed by the Destroyer*. It’s just the Eridians.

*There is a reason for this, but let’s hold on for now.

So why tf do I think humanity was created by the Eridians? well, for one, I like the parallel to them having a god-complex. If they haven’t created humanity, then they definitely fucked with us to create Sirens. Sirens have a strong connection to Eridium and the Vaults (and other Sirens).

second, the murals in (most of) the vaults in bl3

show human-like figures hanging out with kids, and one touching something that seems oddly similar to a relic

like so

(on the left there)

there are also these really tall cloaked figures standing (t-posing) near the end of the mural

and most statues are depicted with robes on

a lot of the human figures in the mural are shown helping each other stand up, coming up from the ground like they’re being created, looking around (up at the sky at rays of light), and standing with a lot of eridian junk (there’s a vault symbol next to one). they’re also not shown to be wearing any sort of clothing, even tho extra steps were gone in to show the robed figures

it reminds me a lot of how a lot of religious texts describe humans as being molded from the earth or dirt or whathaveyou

long story short, it very much reminds of something like a creation myth, so i imagine humanity was, in fact, created by the eridians.

ESPECIALLY this smaller one reaching up to touch the relic

there’s no concrete proof for this, but its a hunch i have after studying this mural for a while. especially after Nyriad constantly questions why the Guardians were made to be on the brink of consciousness. humanity is Guardians 2, electric boogaloo. guardians were a mix of machine and bio goop, we are full bio goop. and that means we are curious, and have emotions, and are very naughty.

that or vice versa, eridians made humanity, realized we weren’t as subservient as they wanted and made the Guardians to fill that niche. Also, most importantly, the Guardians were literally made to be disposable. That’s their entire purpose. Their bodies will degrade, but then their souls will just eventually find another vessel. They’re trapped forever.

EITHER WAY

the Eridians created humanity and the guardians around the same time. enough that the guardians are likely vvvv salty about it.

humanity was made. Sirens came after that, through eridium experiments by the Eridians, explaining their connections to Eridium, as well as the other dimension (the one we are assuming Eridians are from) (think about the Lab Rats and Sirens and such)

so were the eridians preparing for something? war, maybe? possibly. they need firepower and obviously they wouldn’t sacrifice their own people when they have perfectly good constructs, so they’ll use their naughty meat slaves.

but the eridians need more than the sirens. they keep dying, and given the failsafe measures, its hard to keep track of them if one decides to let their powers go, despite the fact they added in, like, a siren gps for sirens to find other sirens and be drawn to them and shit

their big boy guardians, their constructs, aren’t doing enough to defeat their enemy

they start experimenting more with eridium. They learn it has the power to mutate things (mostly elementally, but also causes an increase in size, especially the longer/more they’re exposed to).

they create seraph crystals, condensed eridium, which mutate things at an increased rate. These become discarded eventually for reasons below

they begin finding other kinds of life and mutating the hell out of it using eridium/seraph crystals, in order to create their giant buttfuck squish monsters. These monsters are probably pissed the hell off bc they’re mutated and also probably being attacked by people. so they rampage, killing everything in their path.

the eridians need a way to store the big boys and also take them to the battlefields where they’ll annihilate the enemy, so they create the Traveler and the traveling Vault (which is why there was really nothing of substance in that Vault OKAY TAKE IT). Perhapeth the big flesh monsters mutate more due to being locked inside the Vaults and constantly exposed to eridium/whatever energy is in the other dimension.

Things are going well, and the big flesh monsters help turn the tide of war in favor of the Eridians, until the other party is completely wiped out by what they dubbed the Destroyer. So the eridians decide ‘well, we had our fun, time to put the monsters in their cages and forget about the seraph crystals’.

and most of the big boys, creation and mutation alike, are shoved in their Vaults, guarded by the Guardians so they can’t be released bc of naughty humans. except for one, notably the uncontrollable Destroyer. because it wiped out their enemies, now it wants more, with its insatiable hunger, so it turns its eyes on the Eridians and Nekrotafeyo

sort of explaining why the planet looks like it fucking exploded

the destroyer began to give it the SUCC

but there’s more about that planet

cuz the inside is all glowy and green and you totally know where this is going because i told you im pretty sure the eridians created humanity along with the guardians

i think this is the giant storage unit for all the souls, including the Guardian souls. humanity is depicted being pulled up from the ground in the Vault murals.

lemme explain here

I think nekrotafeyo is where the Guardian souls are stored, like one bigass computer. That’s also, we can assume, where the Eridians got the spark for humanity as well.

around the game, when u ‘kill’ guardians, you can watch their sparks leave (they’re the red glowy things), they fly upwards and disappear. You can also see blue/green versions of these floating around and not doing anything, notably outside the Rampager’s Vault.

I am curious if these color differences indicate a difference in wisp type (guardian v human) or if the red means they found another vessel and blue means they chillin. It is interesting to note that the Rampager has the ability to succ the wisps, so its possible its also related to the Destroyer. I mean, its way smaller, but it does IMMEDIATELY start wrecking shit as soon as it leaves the Vault.

anyway there’s more to this, because now we get to talk about ~ghosts~

if u didn’t heed my warning earlier, there are spoilers for guns love and tentacles past this point!!

DOES THIS LOOK FAMILIAR TO YOU?????

THIS IS JUST HANGIN GOUT IN THE CORNER OF THE ROOM BTW

LITERALLY NEKROTAFEYO

and let’s not forget the Halloween event that showed ghosts are a v real thing in the borderlands and not just on carpenter planet

like super real. and the ‘hecktoplasm’ we get fuels a portal to heck. literally another dimension. that BY THE WAY is powered by a Maliwan device. that BY THE WAY is filled with Maliwan troops.

cuz remember on Nekrotafeyo where there are a bunch of Maliwan soldiers, but they’ve all got the DARK prefix to their name? you know how in the proving ground the dark maliwan troops are fighting side by side with a bunch of Guardians?

something fucky is afoot.

reminds me a lot of the terror effect

ANYWAY

i believe nekrotafeyo is where the eridian stored the sparks for both humans and guardians, that’s where they are coming from, and when nyriad questions how tf the guardians got that spark (stolen like fire of the gods), its because they’re slowly gaining sentience over time, probably relating to how many times they’ve been killed (returned to the core and then back again). because i 100% believe the eridians created the guardians just as an endless, permanent workforce, and the guardians that have been disposed of time and time again are starting to realize that and get SALTY. the reason i do not say that the guardians are gaining sentience with regards to how long they’ve been around is bc there’s such a huge difference between the intelligence of The Watcher and just a normal-ass Guardian that I have to assume their developing sentience has a different trigger.

anyway back to the eridians getting the succ from the destroyer. the eridians realize they can’t just run away from it back to their home dimension, maybe bc its tied to that dimension due to the vault mutations (i vaguely remember typhon mentioning that the destroyer is a dimensional horror) so they have to imprison it somehow. How do they do that? well it is fucking terrified of eridium (when you inject the eye of the Destroyer in TPS, it panics and freaks out), probably due to all the fucked up experiments they did on it, so let’s imprison it using that.

And once we do that, we should probably get the FUCK outta dodge, bc these science experiments are getting c r a z y, let’s remove ourselves from the experiment and observe from beyond

so what do they do?

they get one of their sirens to operate a Machine they built that will send them back home. all of them, at once. we’re going home, fuckers. seeya. and obviously they will not tell humanity, because humanity will want to come with, like a lost puppy. and they will constantly question the other dimension and pester the eridians about it. humanity is annoying and the eridians have 1 big regret, im sure.

they’re also leaving the Guardians to do their dirty work for them, keep the vaults closed so that humanity won’t open them and send the Eridian’s pissed off creations after them. Also explains why there are no Guardians for the Vault of the Warrior (is an Eridian construct) and why the Traveler had Guardians inside it but not on the outside (to keep it running). The only Vault that made me do a big think is the Vault of Elpis. But more on that later.

so they tell this siren that the machine is going to kill them all, and use their energy to power to machine (lol) to close the Destroyer in Pandora, giving a perfectly good super powered monkey severe anxiety.

they also (apparently) do this ‘Forgetting’ thing, which Nyriad mentions, which makes humanity forget that we lived side-by-side with the Eridians and also everything about the Destroyer. which is so DUMB of the Eridians.

because SERIOUSLY people, if you don’t want your idiot children opening something, the one thing you don’t do is make them FORGET WHAT IS INSIDE OF IT SO THEIR CURIOSITY GETS THE BETTER OF THEM WHEN WHAT’S INSIDE OF IT IS LITERALLY ‘HEY, YOU’RE ALL GONNA DIE’. literally pandora’s box. LITERALLY- that’s half the reason I think this is all just one big experiment to them. They don’t give a FUCK about us, actually. they just want to see what will happen. they named the fucking planet Pandora ffs.

like YEAH some people would probably try to open it, to try to kill the Destroyer. but guess WHAT FUCKLENUTS we could have had humans working to keep pandora sealed instead just your cryptic ass guardians. CURIOSITY IS A DANGEROUS THING

and listen. there’s a lot of reasons i believe the machine actually sent the eridians home. even if they actually are just morons and thought the Forgetting was the best thing to do for humanity (scoff)

fdgdsffssfgfsg

all-home

there’s more to this

what are we up to? i stopped writing this like 3 days ago and just came back to it

you guys know the whole story now. im not saying my whole entire backstory is fully correct (like, a lot of it is major speculation) but i do firmly believe these few points:

the eridians are from a higher dimension than our own, and came here for science, or to escape the destroyer

nekrotafeyo is named “first landing”

they have an obvious connection to another dimension thru vaults, eridium, and sirens

the eridians either created or experimented with humanity, eventually leading to Sirens

sirens have this connection to both eridium, vaults, and the other dimension

they have similar powers to some Guardians

on Elpis there are ‘pseudo-Sirens’ created upon exposure to chemical sludge near the Vault

Sirens probably are the result of very exact experimentation, meanwhile these fake Sirens are not

The Leech is able to create ‘Anointed’ who have Siren-like powers and turn to eridium when killed

In bl2, the Lab Rats can see the other dimension when phaselocked by Maya after they were experimented on with eridium by Hyperion

unlike other enemies who only see ‘blue’

every vault monster is the way it is because of the eridians doing shit, including the destroyer

the reason the rampager is so angry and begins destroying everything right away? it was mutated by the eridians/being locked in the Vault. It was stuck in there with a bunch of Guardians, probably either conducting more experiments or there as ‘prison guards’

the destroyer appears frightened of slag in TPS when you inject it, but it also gains power from it- pretty similar to Sirens, and if eridium caused these mutations it could explain the fear

eridium causes LOTS of mutations as we can see throughout the history of the borderlands games. i’ve written 2-3 long-ass posts about this now, i think y’all get the idea lol

terry, badass wildlife, slag/burning psychos, etc

we don’t know how long the destroyer/rampager/etc was exposed to eridium. We’ve only seen (relatively) small doses/exposure times

the eridians lied to Nyriad and are in their home dimension right now, probably laughing at us. or at least like ‘holy shit quick write this down’. this is probably all an experiment to them

I just have this FEELING

so sudden, and new

but really tho

The Overseer basically TELLS us that the Eridians are still out there somewhere

she calls them her masters, talks about how they left the ‘house’, then talks as though they can still see us in the present

Actually you know what, let’s talk all about the Overseer’s lines now because they’re dummy important

copy and pasting this because i forgot...

so IT is most likely the Destroyer. i have the firm belief that Tyreen just ‘slipped its chains’, as Nyriad puts it in her log right before the fight

like r u seriously telling me the eater of worlds is the size of a single story house lmao

bigg

‘why the masters made me wait for you’ “MADE ME” I get the feeling she is here against her will, until her mission is completed

and that mission is to see which humans can pass the trials/the execute the trials

why? we’ll get to that. but she even hints that the reward may not be what we want.

“naughty humans have opened the vault of vaults but the masters will determine who is at fault. until next time, warrior”

so the second time she references her ‘masters’

Vault of Vaults is the vault of the destroyer. which is interesting to me. I guess it makes sense, is a big vault with other, tinier vaults on the surface.

I really wish we got an explanation as to what the Vault of the Architects was. might even explain the pyramid key ;-; fuckin pyramid key

so when i first heard this i thought there was some sorta ‘the masters will determine who is at fault’ rift between humans (the calypso twins or the vault hunters)

but now after learning more i realize this is probably between humans and guardians

are humans at fault for being naughty, or are the guardians for failing their only purpose?

i get the feeling the eridians will blame the guardians. the less favorite child :(

“long ago there was a brief spark, the first vault was opened, a light in the dark. a riddle, yes? perhaps it will unravel next time, hunter”

sooo im pretty bad with riddles

either this takes place long before our recollection of events, or this takes place around when typhon opened the first vault on promethea

what i think this means is possibly the beginning of Guardians gaining sentience

nyriad describes the smarter guardians as ones having a ‘spark’. i believe this is what the Overseer is referencing here- their gaining consciousness

THAT, orrrrr the guardians saw themselves fail at their only task and began to realize they could do more with their lives

failure breeds success, after all

“so, you’ve returned. persistent, yes. or stubborn? or both? are you so desperate to prove yourself?”

the differences between humanity and the guardians. humanity has strong desires/emotions, the guardians don’t

or, at least, they didn’t.

lots to digest here

one purpose - to keep the Vaults closed

the guardians recognize they are only cogs in a machine, that they’re only tools, and it seems that they’re becoming bitter

‘point your finger at the artificer’ obviously blame the Eridians, not the guardians

‘are you a cog... or an artificer. or both?” i think is very important. i think this is another hint that humanity was created by the eridians

‘or an artificer, or both’ showing that humanity can step out from the shadow of whatever the eridians planned for them and make their own choices/destinies. the guardians can’t. ... yet.

“pity us not, though the world has been broken. those who sleep will soon be awoken. not long now, seeker.”

‘though the world has been broken’ - either bc the Eridians left them/the Vaults have been opened

more importantly “those who sleep will soon be awoken”

what i think this means, personally:

Graveward is a vault monster that appeared deceased (already killed or just died of natural causes) when we got there

but it was combined with a bunch of ship parts

this is confirmed both by the art book and by just LOOKING AT HIM lmao

these ship parts are likely a way to resurrect him by allowing the guardians to posses him

guardians are biomechanical constructs, so it makes sense that they would begin scavenging ship parts from eden-6 to fit to graveward

so they can have a stronger body to pilot

something had to be pulling those ships in to crash

also, this means BALEX didn’t do anything wrong lol

when you get to the vault, tannis is confused, because there should be a vault monster, but there’s only guardians

that is, until you kill Grave and Ward

they (and a bunch of other Guardian souls) then possess Graveward, bringing him to life- or, awakening him

what i think this means: the guardians are going to start possessing more and more stuff

why this means ‘those who sleep will soon be awoken’ possibly vault monsters who are killed aren’t actually killed, they’re just put in a sleeping state and the guardians will be using their tech to control them with guardian souls

the guardians stuck in that big ol computy machine somewhere (god pls let it be nekrotefeyo) are ‘sleeping’ and by taking control of those vault monsties, they will be able to wake up and pilot their own bodies

that is, there are too many souls, too little bodies, so they need more vessels

tl;dr: MORE GUARDIANS

also can we talk about how Sirens can absorb guardian souls pls?? bc what the FUCK tannis

ugh how fuckin’ creepy would it be if the eridians made the fleshy Vault Monsters and used the guardian souls to puppeteer them

seriously though, Tannis absorbed a bunch of Guardian souls why are we not talking about this

how was that not an important plot point

is tannis going to be okay?? i love tannis. please don’t hurt her. are guardian souls just pure energy?? what does it mean??? GEARBOX-

“the eridians were our masters, but we failed them. they gave the order then silence. they VANISHED. such is our fate, Vault Hunter, server to a master who has left the house so long ago. prove to me that you deserve an introduction.”

i think its really important that the Overseer doesn’t say the Eridians are DEAD. instead, she says they just ‘vanished’ or ‘left the house’

i think this further proves they’re still out there somewhere. probably watching over us like creeps

literally from the new DLC... come on. COME ONNNN

also confirmation the eridians are the ‘masters’ the Overseer is referring to all the time

side note i have the game sitting open on my other screen and wainwright just asked someone to drink him under the table what the f-

it does sound like they’ve been forgotten as even servants to the Eridians because she specifically says “were” and “but we failed them” probably meaning the Eridians were their masters UNTIL the guardians failed to keep the Great Vault from being opened

though i do think “prove to me that you deserve an introduction” is interesting

like do we not deserve one yet? well, not until we complete the trials she’s supposed to test us with

“we were supposed to guard the Great Jail. but no quarter for servants who fail. but servant, that is not quite right. ‘Prisoner’. that is what i am. Until next time, adventurer.”

kinda repeating what we learned from the above quote

‘Great Jail’ they put the Destroyer in evil baby jail for his crimes

no quarter for servants who fail - yeah the eridians are like ‘wow you guys suck, fuck you guys’

‘prisoner, that is what i am’. the guardians are all stuck in their roles. they’re trapped here

‘will your reward be what you desire’? we learn that the reward is actually being a guardian, so... it’s not great, if our deductions hold any water

‘a prisoner in a cell staring out at the fathoms of a sleeping universe’ - what the Overseer probably sees her position as guardian of the trials as a prisoner- same with all the other guardians stuck watching over the Vaults

i do also think this may be in reference to the fact she’s stuck in this dimension with us while the eridians ran away

‘hunter, warrior, hero’ note she calls us by a bunch of titles throughout her greetings/goodbyes. but we are not satisfied by any of them

clearly we’re not proving ourselves to HER, since she questions who we are trying to prove it to

‘greater audition’ is likely in front of the ‘masters’ who are the eridians. remember, we have to prove to her first that we are worthy of an audience

the eridians know what we’ve done- now humanity takes the place of the guardians

“beware the Vault Hunters, they will take your kind’s place” seems like a pretty fucked up thing to say

but also, more proof the Eridians knew what the FUCK was up, kyle

humanity is just guardians 2: electric boogaloo

the trails were ultimately a test to see if we were up to the task

and now that humanity (or, at least, the Vault Hunters) has taken the place of the normal Guardians, the others are free to do... something

what... i wonder.

i do think it is interesting that the Overseer is pretty morally gray here. like, she’s trapped here to oversee the trials for however long the Eridians have been gone, to see if humans are truly the successors to the Guardians

she obviously doesn’t want to be here, calling herself a prisoner

she even warns us that the reward won’t be something we want- i imagine she might not exactly be able to tell us WHY we will not like it, she is being watched by her masters (the Eridians)

like, i get WHY she doesn’t tell us what’s going to happen. if i were trapped there, I’d do the same thing

but here’s the thing

since we are (we assume) fully squishy and not mechanical in any way, we still have our free will (unlike, we can assume, the guardians)

so we’re not literally trapped in one job forever- we can choose whatever we want to do

so WHAT exactly do i think the guardians are going to do? well, they’ve got an entire army’s worth of souls, they’re resurrecting dead Vault Monsters, and they can modify their bodies now to become more weapon-like

what do I think is happening? The Guardians are preparing for war with the Eridians- they want to destroy their creators, and with us becoming the new guardians, there’s this loophole that allows the old Guardians to finally, FINALLY do whatever they want

(Is Fl4k supposed to be foreshadowing for this? Yeah, I believe they are!!)

+ also before i forget: the entire thing about there being a literal Fallen Guardian we have to kill

i believe this has to do with the fact when you kill it, it drops money. since we can assume the trials are crafted/designed by the Eridians, we can assume the Fallen Guardians are apart of that design as well. It drops money, which probably shows how it’s become corrupted compared to the other guardians. it has desires (collecting wealth). Since the Guardians are inspired by angels (especially in TPS), it’s probably supposed to be a direct callback to that

alright so I think you all are probably like CRUDDY THE PRE-SEQUEL

and like, yeah, that’s what i’ve been building up to the whole time

The Watcher!!!

“War is coming, and you’re going to need all the Vault Hunters you can get”

Let’s just look at the Watcher’s actions throughout TPS and Tales (well, her inactions in Tales, as well as 3)

In tps, the Watcher brings Zarpedon to the Vault, allows her to see the future, and creates the Lost Legion

so we all assume that yes, she’s trying to stop the Elpis Vault (and, by extension, Pandora) from being opened

but here is the thing. the lil thing. the BIG thing actually.

she stops us from killing zarps in the BEGINNING of the game

in the middle-ish when we kill zarp for realsies, she is NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. Zarp lets Jack know where the Vault actually is and little miss alien face IS NOWHERE AROUND

when you are inside eleseer, lilith mentions that the Guardians there actually let her through, like they WANTED her to be there

now let’s remember Lilith’s actions in tps (and remember that she is IN NO WAY at fault here. jack is a dickbag. you try to tell me this is lily’s fault and i’ll kick your shins into your asshole)

while jack is seeing the future about the Vault of the Warrior, she punches the treasure of Eleseer into his face. this cuts off the vision, so unlike Zarps all Jack sees is that he opens the Vault of the Warrior. Nothing about the Destroyer destroying everything.

and still, the Watcher is nowhere to be found.

So Jack opens the Vault of the Warrior, Lilith learns she can activate the Vault Map, the events of Tales happens, and Lilith has Athena tied up and is about to shoot her

WHEN FINALLY

FUCKING. FINALLY.

THE WATCHER SHOWS UP

and tells us that ‘we’re going to need all the vault hunters we can get’

now let’s TAKE A STEP BACK HERE

obviously. OBVIOUSLY.

this is pretty backwards from what the Guardians are actually meant to do: keep the Vaults closed. If she wanted us to NOT open the Vault of the Destroyer, she probably should’ve just come right out and told us what’s up.

no, I think she 100% wanted the events to happen in the way they did.

Because remember, after this, SHE NEVER SHOWS UP AGAIN!!!

not in tales, where she could have stopped the Vault of the Traveler from opening (in fact she could have let Athena die and lowered the team’s chances of defeating the Vault Monster with whatever canon choices there are), not in 3 when she could have prevented the twins from doing any number of things they did, not to give advice to lily on sanc-iii, not during Commander Lily (even though she’s mentioned briefly) she did FUCK ALL

she did J A C K S H I T

it’s because she wanted this to happen. she WANTS the vaults open.

why? well, see above. The Guardians want the Vault Monsters all killed so they can resurrect them as big boy guardians

and that war she’s talking about? it wasn’t the war in bl3. That’s why she never shows her face. she’s talking about war with the Eridians.

Which is probably bl4.

alright im tired. eridians bad. guardians okay-ish. they might try to kill us all and use our bodies as vessels, who knows.

anywaY this was all an elaborate plan for me to explain the backstory of h2o au and why magic is real in the borderlands universe and why they decide to FIGHT- [gets dragged off computer by a cane]

wow this is a 36 page document, why can’t i be this enthusiastic about school??

#borderlands #bl3 #lmao

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solaneceae · 5 years

Text

MY HUMAN!EGOS AU

i got a surge of inspiration and started creating my own versions of the egos! its still a work in progress but i love them to bits and im really excited to share them

JACKIE

grew up in an abusive household, emotional and sometimes physical abuse

parents screamed at each other all the fucking time, father was an alcoholic

Left home as soon as he was able to live by himself (16)

he’s 22 now

poor

trans boi, on T, wears a binder cuz he can’t afford top surgery

lives in an apartment with two roommates: Max, a philipino sound designer and independent musician (they/them) and their girlfriend Nilanjana (Nana), a buff training coach from indian descent

Jackie is in a queerplatonic relationship with them: they cuddle and kiss on the forehead during movie nights and all that cute shit

he has a part-time day job to pay the rent and bills: he gives self-defense lessons

he drinks his respect women juice

vigilante at night. gets hurt a lot. his roommates think he fights in an illegal fight club for extra cash and are worried about him

wants to save people and spread positivity wherever he goes

but he has the wrong way to go about it

basically he does the PMA thing wrong and thinks any kind of negativity is bad and tries to force himself to be happy all the time.

not healthy, someone help this poor boi

anger issues, undiagnosed ptsd and ADHD

antsy boi! stimmy boi! He’s always bouncing on his feet or humming a tune or fiddling with his hair

aromantic asexual

pure of heart, dumb of ass. seriously, he’s such a dumb, but he does have street smarts

vitiligo!!

light blue eyes, dyes his brown hair lime green

extrovert, loves people

the kind of guy to record himself doing parkour and post it on tiktok

team hot cocoa

for the love of god please don’t give him coffee, he’s enough of a jitterbug already

wants a dog. prolly needs an emotional support one.

plays the drums. Fished a beat-up set somewhere, would like a proper one

fights with his fists and a wooden staff

no special powers, just self-taught fighting skills, natural flexibility and talent at acrobatics and rigorous training

MARVIN

he was born with green cat eyes, the physical representation of his extremely potent magic. parents were freaked out, and basically hid him away

had no control over his powers as a baby, would wreak havoc around him. think Mob from Mob Psycho 100

the upper side of his face was badly burned when he lost control of his powers as a toddler, so he wears masks to hide the scars. the cat one is just the one he wears most often

“hey, nice mask!” “it’s a prosthetic.” “...oh.” (it’s not that bad really, he’s just really self-conscious about it)

he was homeschooled his whole life and generally wasn’t allowed to go out much, so his social life/skills are nonexistent

his parents are famous fashion designers

they’re super rich and travel the world and send him a ridiculous amount of money every month

they say it’s for work but the real reason is that they couldn’t deal with having a “freak” as a son but couldn’t abandon him without getting bad PR

so instead they just took their distance and left him to live in a big-ass mansion by himself as soon as he was old enough (10 years old)

they dont really care what he does. last time they called him was when he was 13

last time they sent him a birthday card was when he was 18

now he’s 24

(and at this point he makes me think of bruce wayne lmao. he needs an alfred)

since he has money and home, he doesn’t need a job, so he just stays cooped up in the property and almost never leaves, he orders his food and groceries to be delivered to him

he’s basically a hermit at this point. and a huge nerd

he tries to use his natural magic as little as possible, (hello trauma my old friend) so he still has flimsy control over it

instead he dabbles into wicca and the occult to do stuff

A bookworm, quite serious, dresses like a hipster art school student. he wears SAROUEL PANTS.

glasses!! Big round rimless glasses!! soft!!!!

long brown hair, messy bun, dyes the tips dark green and purple

disaster gay

“sleep? what’s that? i only know coffee”

has three cats he rescued himself: Spades, Jasper and Poppy

has a huge greenhouse linked to the main building. he likes gardening a lot, whether it’s for his craft, for cooking or just because he likes seeing plants flourish

HOW THEY BOTH MET / IDEAS AND SHIT

Jackie tried to take on a whole ass drug ring and bit more than he could chew at the time so he got beat up pretty bad. He managed to escape with his trusty grappling hook and swung around a bit before crashing through the glass ceiling of the greenhouse while Marv was tending to his plants, in the early morning.

Long story short Marv is in a panic because a complete stranger (also the only human being he’s interacted with in months) just flopped in front of him and is probably dying and he wants to call an ambulance.

jackie: *beaten black and blue and coughing up blood* jackie: oh hey how’s it goin’ marv: *distressed nerd noises* marv: oh my god who the fuck are you but also are you dying in my house im calling an ambulance- jackie: uh yeah no please dont im kinda doing illegal stuff also i cant afford it marv: marv: wh-

also what if marv calls the family’s doctor since jackie won’t go to a hospital, and it’s fucking Schneep henrik: what the fuck did you do this time marv: it wasn’t me! jackie: your family doctor scares me marv: that’s why they hired him

maybe after that jackie keeps coming to see marv and marv is like “ugh you again-” and he always come to marv whenever he gets hurt, to get patched up by schneep. he broke the ceiling two more times basically they become “hey ron hey billy” vine, its just a habit at this point.

Marv is a rich boi that doesn’t know anything about life. at this point i realize he’s like a mix of Elsa and Rapunzel, and Jackie is kinda Flynn xD Jackie just… aggressively becomes Marv’s friend despite the magic man’s reluctance, and shows him the world. love me some smart grumpy nerd/dumb happy jock friendship

jackie: im your friend now marv: wh- jackie: *drags him outside* LETS GO CLIMB A BUILDING TOGETHER-

Marvin but he’s never been in a grocery store in his entire life because he just orders super expensive pre-made meals to his house or cooks his own veggies, and he’s just amazed at the first one they go to

like “wHAT, IT’S A ROW OF FREEZERS! Remind me to install one of these at my place!”

and Jackie, who just came here for bread and milk, looks at him fondly but also is very concerned. Also he doesnt question marv’s masks, he just thinks they look cool

@tabbynerdicat it’s my bois! @lilakennedy because i know you like those two, and your love for them motivated me to develop them first

#caori's stuff #jacksepticeye #jse #jse egos #jacksepticeye egos #jackieboy man #jbm #marvin the magnificent #jse au #human!egos AU

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weirdlizard26 · 5 years

Note

For the ask meme? All of them.

jay,,,

give me a sec to edit this post ok

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

wine glasses are like reading glasses except you wear them while drinking wine

i’d say water bottles but only the ones that can handle heat and stuff and not poison your drink with plastic or whatever

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

i havent had a lollipop in a good while so thats my choice

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

havent tried either but boy i’d love to try just a little bit of cotton candy at leastonce

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

bro,,,,,, that was like 10 years ago, how am i supposed to remember that,,,,,,,

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

i usually drink soda from plastic cups but honestly? nothing beats the experience of sipping that sweet sweet ambrosia from the bottle,,, but also i’d love to try soda in a can some day!

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

idk what half of these would look like but sportswear always wins in my book

7. earbuds or headphones?

ok i actually googled whats the difference and im more of an earbuds person! theyrejust safer i think and it makes me kinda anxious when im home listening tomusic and cant hear anything going on around me

8. movies or tv shows?

tv shows! well, unless the episodes are like 40 minutes or a full hour because its hard to focus for that long kfjsndkfs

9. favorite smell in the summer?

pavement after rain and also. grass.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

haha thats a funny joke you made there *starts crying*

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

just a couple of meat+cheese+mayo sandwiches! if its summer mom cuts tomatoes or cucumbers for us and as they start getting more and more expensive we replace them with pickles!

12. name of your favorite playlist?

sorry i couldnt choose!

13. lanyard or key ring?

key ring!

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

aaaa i love fruit flavored ones!

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

aaaaaaaa i dont remember if it was elementary or middle school but we were assigned this really cool ukrainian book that ive actually read before they assigned it. well, nobody here will recognize it but it was Тореадори з Васюківки by Всеволод Нестайко and it was about 2 boys who were best friends growing up in the countryside and they went on adventures and had fun and their friendship made me so happy,,, i guess i was all for cool friendship portrayal even back then! it was mostly laughs and jokes but some moments were actually serious and hit me really hard and i remember them to this day actually

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

its a myth, sitting was created as a personal attack on me

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

my trusty old sneakers!! theyre all black and the sole is very soft and nice

18. ideal weather?

when the sun is out and its just warm enough to show off your new graphic tee and also very soft and nice

19. sleeping position?

i just lie on my left side like a fool

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

notebook!

21. obsession from childhood?

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!!! AND DANNY PHANTOM!!!! i even made a ghost fighting costume once,,,, tho it wasnt much of a costume, it was just fingerless gloves i cut out of paper. they were extremely uncomfortable. but very effective in fighting ghosts!

22. role model?

kfjsdnfk i have a bunch! might sound weird but one of them is bdg i think??? and the other 2 are some online acquaintances whom im too afraid to interact with more often than i do

23. strange habits?

repeating silly lines i hear on tv / in anime/cartoons? and also i never touch food with my right hand unless its plums?? and there are more but. you know. bad memory.

24. favorite crystal?

all of them!!!!!

25. first song you remember hearing?

my grandma used to sing this to me over the phone

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUPnqqPXQsw

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

go for a walk!

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

slep

28. five songs to describe you?

we are the people by empire of the sun

home by cavetown

strawberry blonde by mitski

smile like you mean it by the killers

afterlife by arcade fire

29. best way to bond with you?

wash your hands very thoroughly and make jokes

30. places that you find sacred?

i see nature i go crazy from how much respect i have for it

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass andtake names?

*wearing hinata cosplay* im here to play volleyball and kick your ass and as you can see ive already played today’s match

32. top five favorite vines?

road work ahead

a avocado!! thanks!!!!!

REBECCA THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK

i fell can you help me :(

that vine where ukulele sounds like human voices and people sounds like ukuleles

33. most used phrase in your phone?

idk how to check that??? sowwy

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

the stomach meds ad they keep showing on tv

35. average time you fall asleep?

3am? 4am? idk for sure

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

t-trollface…

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

havent used either (cause ive never traveled anywhere too far away) but the latter looks pretty and i feel like it would fit more stuff

38. lemonade or tea?

depends on my mood!

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

dont kick me but im not sure if ive ever tried either ;w;

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

the school’s cat who hates most people actually kinda warmed up to me even tho im terrible with animals

41. last person you texted?

jay uwu

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

afabs cant have both huh

but i want both. please give me both.

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

all of these sound nice but my lazy ass will always go for hoodies

44. favorite scent for soap?

aaaaaaaa im allergic to a lot of soaps but i like flower scented ones

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

i love all of them dearly but lately ive been more into superheroes i think. im not sure really sure what exactly i feel

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

something really really long

47. favorite type of cheese?

there are different types????

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

i hope im a pear

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

become a good person. thats all.

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

i dont remember what it was but i remember i was with my friends and we couldnt stop laughing for several minutes and ive never felt happier

51. current stresses?

UNIVERSITY FUCK OFF!!!

52. favorite font?

i like comic sans

53. what is the current state of your hands?

they arent doing so hot tbh, my dermatitis is back again

54. what did you learn from your first job?

i dont have one!

55. favorite fairy tale?

gonna be honest chief, i dont remember too many of them ;w;

56. favorite tradition?

on new year’s we turn the lights off, light up a candle in the kitchen, laugh at president’s speech and only then starts eating

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

getting over a lost friendship, passing high school finals and uni entrance exams and coming out to my best friend

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

singing!! being able to learn how to do most things pretty quickly!!! and i cant think of anything else but honestly these two are quite enough for me

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

uh oh! guess what! i dont have a catchphrase and im very self-conscious about it!

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

im torn between sports anime and slice of life

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

because humans dont have wings we look for other ways to fly

from haikyuu

obviously

62. seven characters you relate to?

tsukishima kei from haikyuu

mae borowski from nitw

apollo justice from ace attorney

flame princess from adventure time

donatello from tmnt

sokka from atla

kageyama shigeo from mob psycho 100

63. five songs that would play in your club?

mr brightside, bohemian rhapsody, smile like you mean it by the killers and allof haikyuu ops and eds

64. favorite website from your childhood?

if social media counts, vkontakte i guess?? i didnt really go anywhere else and it still exists and i thriving so im not sure if it should count fkjsndkjf

65. any permanent scars?

yeah, the one from my very first vaccination from when i was a few months old i think and also some traces of when i had chickenpox

66. favorite flower(s)?

idk a lot of flower names but i really like tulips

67. good luck charms?

dont have any at the moment but i’d love to get one!

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

whatever fish mom used to buy when we were kids >:(

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

bro my memory isnt good enough to remember those,,

70. left or right handed?

im a righty but i had to become a lefty for like a month when i broke my pinkie

71. least favorite pattern?

i like traditional ukrainian ornaments

72. worst subject?

history :P

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

ice cream + fries

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

idk how pain levels work but i try not to take meds unless the pain is interfering with studying

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

idk but i had a box full of my teeth for so long they turned to dust and i had to throw it away

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

RHNGRHGNRHGRNH EVERYTHING except for freshly made mashed potatoes

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

if its green it can stay

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

have never had either of those and i hope i never will cause they sound gross!

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

i dont have a license, so.

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

kfjsndfks depends on the mood tbh!

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

fireflies!

82. pc or console?

i WISH i had a console but this is too broke for that,, i played a couple of times tho and it feels more fun than pc!

83. writing or drawing?

please dont make me choose, ive abandoned both and its making me feel bad

84. podcasts or talk radio?

podcasts :O

84. barbie or polly pocket?

idk what polly pocket is but barbie rules!!!

85. fairy tales or mythology?

i feel like sometimes fairy tales are kinda like watered down myths so i have a right to say i like both

86. cookies or cupcakes?

my heart goes to cookies

87. your greatest fear?

finding out im faking any part of my identity

88. your greatest wish?

get through whatever’s going on right now

89. who would you put before everyone else?

mom

90. luckiest mistake?

when i recorded an undertale medley and got a few notes wrong but it actually ended up sounding better than originally

91. boxes or bags?

boxes!

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

fairy lights……

93. nicknames?

never really had many? my bff calls me mr smith sometimes but thats all i can think of fkjsdnfs but also! steve used to be my nickname before i decided my life my own and i get to choose my name

94. favorite season?

spring ;w;

95. favorite app on your phone?

sudoku

96. desktop background?

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

my own and my mom’s

98. favorite historical era?

eh im not very fond of the past because not every time period had soap

#wl26 #wl26 answers #flamingerrs #jay just so you know i love you a whole lot #i really did that huh #long post

3 notes · View notes

triumphorce · 6 years

Text

under umbras of bundles of stars,

canopies of leaves & branches that shatter-scatter sky image held indirect

as a gleam in eyes

as conscious lay in fabricated gardens watching memories, & desires in dream form

from across highway covered by

blue-white,

yellow,

& orange lights

sound of tires, mufflers, sirens,

amidst a higher sense

attuned to

muffled far cries muffled while crossing empty lands

filled with chilling wind howls, stealing hope,

which

kickstarts the power on survival mode..

ups& downs

drown the cries further,

that

war, warn, or cheer..

or just sing..

maybe

a hymn made by souls for souls under same umbra to set free to lead to wonder & beauty beyond the surface of senses directly to free to seek love loss between me and me

buried beneath road of longest journey to reach

turn feet all around

all about a world I have no idea about

just mad ideas about Kept in journals i turn over

to all but from in front of views not yet exploited by value of which is, views are power, & are the will in word- to-page transaction

self diminished to substantiate

entries from entrails, not shown to be conquered

win or lose is how I never saw things.

win or win, only optionss, only progress..

yet..,always over complicating;

marathon sprints from start to finish

as I choose, If i choose, to continue to choose to overlook slopes in existence, where hides I, in ruins, digging for recognition

contribute to a mind overloading with what I know I owe society, &me,

burden of see-through beast, I see illusions of future thru,mistaken as truth, play victim, get stressed or believe I'm down on luck ,in dumps of depression and slum of beliefs,

in a slump with headphones on temple and music up, reminisce about the golden olden, me and broseph, SSB, PSO, kanto, johto, cartoon cartoons, many one saturday morning’s, plenty cinnamon toast, fruity pebbles, so many card games at Books-a-million

but when I open eyes from trance

I'm forever face to face with today is today

not then not later...

just

changes who changed how I changed regret and anger to compensate for blaming everybody but me

now I stare afraid at dilemmas mass effect decisions

daily in-and-out-terventions

to keep from falling back into resentment.. spite blinding shelves of subconscious-self- disappointed perpetuating judgment of others binding progression, tying tongue, boiling blood because old habits die hard and I continue fucking up, up raging rapids w/o a paddle, almost 3 decades of failing infinite (according to projections) feel I missed and am missing out on so much, so much world, so many words coiled inside, waiting to explode,

all the time, just like everybody.. everything mind sets sights on turns to target issue how unfortunate for aforementioned coordinates, for anyone close enough for me to put in poems' , important enough to torment conscious over, used to be everybody, used to be nobody, used to be just some people, now its just me and i dont know him

attempts to speak, to learn again, to teach me about me to learn to teach myself, to set example for ambition directed toward a better version, better verses, better reimbursement of time given tryna be an extrovert, free from bitter, free from bitch asses, set internal standards to never get fucked with again, fuck you, fuck him, fuck her, i only fucks with a journal & question everyone, everything, every word, every whisper, shit ima tell my children every day, breakfast lunch dinner, do your best and fuck the rest, get it, get lit off enlightenment, fuck rest, save roosting for death, dont look at me, looknat the sky, seize the day in everyway brain permits, dont reach for others' and if anyone tries to take yours, that means they dont fundamentally respect life, so always permeate passion, ignore distractions keeping you from creating, test limits, test intentions, challenge imperfections with wisdom, know that perfect is just cosmetics, but i remain quiet.. remain tied up being alone, wondering.. whether I'm right to do any god damn thing 'cause if I don't do it right.. was I right to think I could, wrong to think I understood

am i wrong not to try?

what of what's sacrificed ?

how do i keep count

how did I end up here in standby...

standing squeamish & deer eyed in light of opportunities rising in horizon of night skies, to step in to obtain warmth, maintain from days before, to do something, do the one thing, but when will I be ready will eyes be ready to comprehend right or wrong

only me, here. only us, on planet.

only who's responsible? how is who is affected by, afflicted by? when is too late? when is just right, always too soon to tell and.. if I don't do it now, then why expect change..

why, why, why

'cause I expect anything at all

anger toward unmanned vehicles imminent to collide with mine

driven mad up eighty-five degree angled walls during rush hour, sun beaming heat into ride, where i travel on path, thru battlefield of past where fallen intentions decompose to ignorance and wisdom sprouts in the mean time.. I'm in between times, feelin down, down down down down by the way

a trail thru fears past dead ends, rotting trees, looks like fallout hit

a past I try an' forget..

but remember out of reluctance

to accidentally revisit regret,

stand next to biggest fears, see if facing them uproots soul

rolls ideas in head, non-stop

like trolls troll under bridges

to which billy goat gruff temper charges like crono's katana on zenan crossing,

lodes of odes to oaths, lightning loaded, aimed at negative minded sapiens bioshocks via rhythm and syntax, cryo cascades of ideas, locked away in moleskine or computer files to put to rest the rest of an inside in arrest to judgment, in side quest of public playthrough, i feel im on public display, static complaining in front of pretty much strangers modes of awareness to mental problems i exploit to people who might not think im crazy, who might like what i write, might like to write about the same thing, might see giants in those same nodes i stand near, i hear crisp crackles filling an awkward air as i stare at words on sheets that i might tear, might let collect dust, or share prolly might be quiet, only sound is poetic drafts that fill in under open windows, I open slowly, cool rush, goosebumps, awake aware always, even when mind is a crinkled, crumbled candy wrapper still just construct wrinkles in time via hairs stand, ovation, and encores to

helping to cross over doubts, screams of slander, stop it all, right now, shed truth in another light, fed through veins like pen's ink to go over and correct vision of pinheads vane turnin art, free thought to cash and competition, trade purpose blow for blow with obstacles in the name of the next step, over opponents, trade nervous for nerves robust to withstand standing up to stretch and spread chest to stand up for work where time invested is braided circulation goin in circles, time wasted pet peeve number 1

a nowhere never felt before but something seems familiar.. overlooked, under yards, under pressure of bone leverage, give life a lift thru cracks of a collapsing effort stretched behind chest and ribs

a heart glows in

hot coal hues hearth warmth under carbon sheets

till blood boils till steam coils from pores to kill the cold along roads

sun or none

no light above, isn't lack of..

(look inside)

----

harsh heat of reality hot enough to feel cold

make me go ghost in dark times..

friction strong enough to spark moist..

continue until i sear nerves disembody fromm pain till im felt by meta-form of others

heartfelt arcs between soul and soul-mind 2 mind

light releases thru iris folds spectacle in spectacles----

spectrum wheel of emotions spins &spins to understand self an urge that intensifies the more i live life as well as I can Improve every day, no excuse, don't ignore the corners, get behind my ears,every nook and cranny in creative muse-um, uhm, duh, raised on books, nintendo, animation,& wishbone, outside, only myself as playdate, use every square inch as play-scape under every hair in head, a mind uses face and body as way to create 4 fourever& vice versa to escape who ever & know I can do whenever, wherever

wherever i go, a voice in mind goes

that keeps on talkin , keeps me talkin tellin me I've talk--, wrote enough hoped enough to last a lifetime, but that's not enough

and I still got a lifetime

to either solidify or fuck it up

gradually let go of

to concentrate on life's finest moments i build to build form in appreciation, saying get up, enjoy the sun rays breaching clouds just before dawn; gett off yo butt and do what you know what you taught you to do when you were at multiple low points and you promised you, you'd never fall to end, even if you fall again, again, and again, never stall in the middle of takeoff stop in middle of road, cant press play if you lost remote, might as well get up and do it, crawl, run or walk away when the times calls to brawl dark-inner energy only honorable mentions defend health during dishonorable discharge of nega, into rivers, into blue sky.. bordered by white clouds and linear silver

a safe place, work space, desk clerk sifting day to day thru file cabinets memories in memos in notebook; written relativity explaining how I see, what I think say what i want like im eight, glad i spent so much time with words and space-bars, to escape judgment, hatred,

anxious surrounded by bad vibes

above an Earth, below expectations; over a self under surveillance by approval from inside, crazy dimensions, On the fence between people and myself I close eyes, ride waves of nostalgia once more..

see plenty light to traverse pathways, walk fer hours, walk like back in younger days, playin, runnin, completely captivated immersed in games played, tv, roller blades, monopoly, scary stories, trampolines

&10thousand songs later, 10million thoughts later, here I am doing what I made me to.

can't wait for the next chance

supplied energy through lines to hidden gracelands.

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battleofmind · 7 years

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New Post has been published on http://blog.battleofmind.com/how-to-achieve-great-wealth/

How to achieve great wealth

It is human nature to always want to progress and to pursue comfort, happiness and freedom and most people think that there is only one way to achieve these 3 things… money. Money and the pursuit of ever growing wealth is the pursuit of most of us, we go to work to pay our mortgage/rent , to raise our children and to buy our food and the constant weekly working torment to achieve these important commodities of life never ceases to end. In this blog post the founder of BoM John discusses the importance of not focusing on what we don’t have but on appreciating the things we do…even the poorest person can be extremely wealthy!

Our perception of the rich man, is it right?

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They’ve got it all, they can do whatever they want when they want, they are admired and highly successful, they must be really happy having no worries right? Wrong! In my time working as a brand and web designer it gave me the opportunity to work closely with several wealthy CEO’s. The observations I made was yes, they had some beautiful material objects, a nice home, nice cars, the ability to buy the latest gadgets and the most expensive vacations. It may appear to many that they are fortunate, comfortable and happy but being successful or rich, it doesn’t give them special rights to being some kind of super human, they still have problems but of a slightly different ilk to us.

With all ‘wealthy’ people I have met over the years and got to know on the personal level it appears sometimes they dont know what to do with their money once they reach the comfortable level. One of them bought lots of cars but why do you need lots of cars when there is only one of us? Another had to buy the latest gadget before anyone else so he felt some sense of importance in his life but within 6 months to a year it was no longer the latest thing and so had to buy something new and show it off to everyone…this may sound like I am being envious but it isn’t. These people bought things that they didn’t need because they almost have no need for money. What do you do if you no longer have a need to pay your bills??

Another person I know was born into wealth, a middle eastern woman who although from a very comfortable background in terms of wealth she has no freedom to do what she wants. It is a sad state of affairs that even though materially comfortable she is unable to experience the real wealth of true freedom to be who you truly are and have the option to travel the world when we want.

These two examples of the successful person and the person born into wealth shows that being rich is relative and doesn’t mean that they are completely content.

Our perception of the poor man

On contrast, our perception of the poor man/woman is a person who has failed at life, has got nothing, is the lowest form of person within society, is a person who has no friends, no recognition, no intelligence and no money, a person who no one wants to be. But is a poor person really not ‘wealthy?’

A poor man is only poor if ‘he’ or ‘she’ believes themselves to be. Just because a person doesn’t have the latest gadget, or a big house does not mean they are not wealthy. How is that possible? Well real wealth is more than just material goods…

What is real wealth?

Real wealth can only be valued by how happy or contented a person is. As previously mentioned, the rich men I spoke about were definitely NOT contented.

Just because someone is wealthy materially does not equate to a happy person. The way to measure how wealthy a person is is how they see the world and how they treat others they come into contact with.

How to become wealthy

But how do we become wealthy? Being happy, living with peace of mind, or achieving our perceived abundance needs to be studied, mastered and worked for.

Firstly, learning how to set and a hold a thought that is positive in its intention so at to develop your conscious desires, rather than unconscious fears is where your wealth begins. How do you do this if suffering with depression? It is extremely difficult, I know, because I had to do it.

I recommend starting with goal setting ( read this goal setting blog ) and writing a short list of what you’d like to change ( or achieve ). Do this, no matter how unrealistic you think it might be, having that goal at least written down will give you a focus to look at as you attempt to change your thoughts.

Next, is to keep a book about gratitude ( read this blog about gratitude). This is a book, similar to a diary where you write 10 things that you are grateful for every single day. It can be tricky at first but they don’t have to be big things, just small things like enjoying a tv program, having a comfortable bed, having more motivation this day. Continued repetition of this process can begin to give you a more positive outlook towards life.

Lastly, but it could be most important is…

How can we achieve this thing we believe could change our lives for the better?

Where you are right now, if reading this, is probably near the bottom of your personal mountain…it looks a long way up to the top from where you are standing but it is completely possible to achieve your goals to make you a more ‘wealthy’ person but you must make a list of how you can achieve your goals.

I can give an example of my own life…

For those of you who do not know about me…after I reached rock bottom at 27, having no money, actually I was in debt by £30k, completed 2 degrees with little opportunity, a fiancee left me, my immediate family where not happy, I had n car, no house and my only blessing was I had a family. I was actually assessed at high risk of suicide. I was very depressed, I hardly went out, only when it was very dark. I slept a lot, I mean, a lot and motivating myself was hard at first but i knew something had to change so I started by setting goals, writing them down.

I knew Id put on weight with my depression so one goal was to loose weight, secondly, I felt the UK wasn’t giving me opportunity so I thought id learn Spanish to expand my opportunity in the world for job opportunities and also, I had always liked latino women so would have that benefit too, thirdly I dreamed of making millions and decided to learn web design in order to be able to reach out to the world.

So setting these goals, things I really wanted to achieve deep down helped me to get more ‘wealthy’. I used wii fit and walking a dog to get fit and managed to loose 2 stone in 6 months, secondly I met a Colombian woman who I did date for a while until I met my wife, thirdly and finally, I had made web sites for several people, created a portfolio and secured my first job…in London.

I did all this within a year of first falling severally ill with depression and it wasn’t all a smooth ride, even after I’d achieved these goals I was still feeling depressed and anxious to fairy high levels for years afterwards, but I guess the most important message is is to start.

Start today, write down up to 4 goals, one of them can be extreme but please do it! Set goals and then think….how can I acheive these goals, what thing or skill do I need to get it?

Your life can change, your life can be happy! Good luck and please let me know about your journey by commenting below!

#happiness #smile #wealth #Depression #therapy

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micent · 4 years

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paperbackwritersblog · 4 years

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A contemplative mind

Imagine being told you think to much! Now imagine being told by someone you look to for guidence!

What would your reaction be? I can only talk from my own personal experience and my reaction was to work hard to eradicate my overthinking! Why wouldnt I, after all it was being highlighted constantly as a negative, something I should work to silence!

And this started a war within my mind. Unbeknown to me at the time I was working hard to eradicate who I am and this obviously created conflict. An over thinker would carry a different label in a different culture or even within a different class! Amongst the rich I would have been a philosopher with the corresponding certificate in qualification to support it, and in a tribe I would have been called a shamen or wise one. Yet in the lower working classes I was labelled an over thinker, told I think to much, or told im deep, like, hes a really deep guy!

As I have age and matured over time my friends circle has changed, none more so than the people I share my thoughts with. I never invisiged this happening, I thought when I was young I would have these friends forever, we got along and there was nothing more to it than that! But at a time when I was working very hard to eradicate my thoughts I wonder if my circles would have changed a lot sooner if I had thought deeply about things. After all, thinking deeply about things makes it impossible to ignore the relationships around you, your effects on them and their effects on you.

I am now a self proclaimed philosopher, because I only see thinking a problem when the things we think about are unhealthy and the conversations leading on from thoughts are only discussed within the echo of our own words! What I mean by this is , to think profoundly about something I have to formulate my thoughts and then find constructive arguments against my view, at least look into alternative views and arguments. So long as I am willing to discuss, debate and adjust my view, then no thinking nor discussion can be deemed unhealthy.

So.......... thinking! How can an act of self discovery be a bad thing and why would it be labelled so?!

My thoughts from experience about thinking would point me to fear! I say this because diverting from core beliefs or world views is scary for the vast majority of people. After all who would want to openly admit that most of what they think to be true is just the opinions of others and that no thought they have is theirs!! Most that stumble across this type of thought process/internal dialogue or however else you want to describe it, have done so not intentionally! At least not conciously intentionally! I say not concious intention because a lot of what brings us to the fringes of life are unconcious intention. I never at any point said to myself , you need to think deeply, take time to be alone and come to an acceptence of who I am, warts and all. There was no conscious thought that this needs to happen, but I engineered it and followed through with this act all the same. Which means deep down somethere in my subconcious there was a need for growth and somewhere my brain was aware of what was needed for this growth to take place.

If I was aware all those years ago that in following the path I was on, it would lead me to here? With more questions than ever about myself and the environment around me, would I have changed direction?! An impossible to answer without 2020 hindsight! Yet still one worth pondering when compared with how I travelled to where I am and would I go backwards if there was a path to do so!

I dont think I can un-see the things I have seen, nor unravel what I have read and how that has changed my internal dialogue.

What Is most evident to me is that these are all my decisions, wether conscious or unconscious they are still my decisions. Which is far more difficult to take responsibility for and accept as part of our own decision making! My personal experience led to me believing that the unconscious decisions I made were controlled by something outside of myself, the energy of my father, the influence of the unhealthy adults in my life at a young age! They all pointed outside! I can see now how when unaware of the many facets to our brains/minds we can easily attribute 1 or 2 of the conversations in our heads to someone or something else, after all we spent most of our lives being told that talking to ourselves is the first sign of madness, schizophrenics are heavily medicated and our culture works hard to protect us from “them”. It seems that the very culture we have created works us away from this understanding , and by doing so loosing the most important conversations we will ever have in our entire lives, the ones we have with ourselves!

My conversations are still in need of scrutiny, that doesnt change through self exploration. In fact I would say the conversations have deepened and I am more open to adjustment. I have programmed narratives I am working hard to unravel, some easier than others.

When open and honest about ourselves we can use a lot of our life and the situations we have found ourselves in and how we chose to get out of them as a reflective point and this will help us unravel a lot of the programming we have struggled to overcome.

An example of this was the homophobia I was raised within! This was not just by family members but largely by society as a whole as well as religion . For a long period of time I considered the whole act to be disgusting and un-natural! The very word gay was used as a derogative slur, even in banter I used it all the time.

Yet my experience with gay men had proven to be anything but , in fact the people who had come into my life that were of a different sexual preference were more open, kind and honest than I had ever been led to be believed as possible!

Were these lies I was fed, were they intentional lies? I had to seperate the belief from the reality, which is a lot harder than ud think. After all it is our thoughts that shape our reality! So I was challenging my reality! And in this act or self sacrafice what else would unravel?!!!

Its at this point you can either double down on your ignorance or accept that you know absolutely nothing and let the flow of life as it is show you the reality you have self distorted for so long!

My response to this was the latter, with a new found knowledge of how little I know to be “fact” , what I can always be an expert on is my perspective and so working to master and accept that I know nothing has become everything.

E.Plaistow

#unraveling #unprogramming #contemplating #thoughts #philosopher

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pullupachairluton · 5 years

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Day One and Two

Hello. I’m Alex and I’m in Luton for the next 26 days. I’m a little late to starting to write this blog and I’m catching up on day one … on day two of the residency. I’ve been procrastinating. How do I start? (the classic line) How do I talk about what I am doing, have seen, and have felt?! I’ve been thinking a lot and writing is a lot slower than thinking… It’s hard to start.

I have never written a blog. I write emails, essays, applications, and text messages. I’m used to writing really quickly or really slowly with a long time to edit. I don’t know what my blog voice is.

I’m going to start with a list of statements.

I am in Luton for 28 days I have a schedule that I must follow I must write about my experiences every day I am partnered with an organisation called Revoluton Quiet Down There has commissioned me to do this project with Revoluton I am staying in an Air B and B in which all the rooms in house are Air B and B rooms There is an artwork hanging in my room that says ‘stay wild’ There is a noisy road outside my window I have a miniature kitchen in my room I think I will have a lot of ideas for art projects I have already been late for two things on the schedule (arriving in Luton and watching the film tonight) I want to be disciplined to write. I have got an interview on Tuesday via Skype with another residency I am thinking about 5 other projects I am thinking about applying for another project while I’m here I will miss my boyfriend and my life in London. I will turn 35 next Sunday 1st March I am really glad I have a phone and can ring my friends and family I have got a minor obsession with the Netflix show Sex Education and it was really hard for me to not watch it when I arrived back from the day today. It is also good that I am away and I can watch it all, as my boyfriend didn’t really like it so now I can watch as much as I want without compromising and watching something else. I am really happy I bought some food today on a break in my schedule so I can make packed lunches. How honest should I be in this writing? How can this writing be helpful? How do I want this writing to be received? What’s the point of this writing? Do I write and make notes whilst I am at events? Do I write the blog in my breaks in the schedule? I have a bike that I love, and I brought it from London where I live. I have some bungee cords to tie bags onto the rack of the bike and I used this for my food shopping earlier. I live on a boat on the river lea. The river lea also runs through Luton I am an artist who also is an educator I teach on a foundation course in art I see workshops as art practice Revoluton have asked me to research the theme of ‘joy’ I am interested in political potential of joy I brought several books with me. They are Dancing in the Streets A History of Collective Joy by Barbara Ehrenreich, Akenfield by Ronald Blythe, Being Ecological by Timothy Morton, and The Old Ways by Robert Macfarlane I am wondering how to write this I am a middle class artist who lives in London Why should I be a voice for experience of Luton? What do I have to contribute? Is it easier to write about somewhere if you don’t live there? Writing lists is easier than writing paragraphs I think structure will be good for me, and am happy that I have a schedule for the next month I think I’ll go to things that I may not normally go to I think writing this will be a challenge I am exploring what it might mean to be present in a place and how the internet affects my relationship to place I am looking forward to learning something new about myself I have a Skype conversation tonight about another project with a friend

I studied a BA in social anthropology and the question of who is writing about who and what is it for came up a lot. Social anthropology as a discipline is rooted in a history of colonialism (to write about is to dominate and was used as a tool to do so). After university I travelled and wanted to create projects exploring place yet I was conscious of the problematics of a singular voice writing or making work about place - particularly as a passing through traveller. I started a project called The Knowledge Shop, which was a mobile workshop space set up in public spaces in which I invited passers by to draw a picture about the place we were in. Drawings from other places I had travelled to were also shown in the space. I wanted to not use spoken or written language (particularly English language) and I wanted to explore how drawing might express things that words may not. I also wanted to show multi authority viewpoints on a place. http://alexandraparry.co.uk/index.php/project/the-knowledge-shop/

Here I am 12 years later in Luton with a blog aware of this platform given to me to talk about my experiences. I’ve been grappling with this. So I’m going to include writing about myself that I wouldn’t normally share. Perhaps this a fair exchange because I am publicly writing about a place, and therefore I should do the same to myself?

DAY ONE I arrived in Luton It’s really windy and my bag feels heavy. I’ve got one bag on my back and another strapped to the bike I don’t know the roads and they are busy Is it going to be easy to cycle here? There’s a beautiful church. It’s chequered and surprising opposite a huge mall. I’m tired as last night my boyfriend opened a café and I stayed too late. I already feel behind and I’ve just started. Are people friendly in Luton? Of course they are! But I don’t know anything and its dark and my battery is running low on my phone.

I arrive at my Air B and B, codes for the room and front door. It has very white walls, and there is an artwork in my room saying ‘stay wild’. Its warm and I immediately feel raggedy in my clothes, which probably smell of wood smoke, probably have a stain and a hole. I am very happy I have a house shower! Not a boat shower! I meet Marta, a Polish woman who is in the UK about to do an acting course in London and she lives in the property more permanently - she is not Air B and B’ing . She is incredibly friendly and she has her friend round in the kitchen. It feels good to have a conversation and hear about what she is doing.

I’m already late, so I leave to walk to the hotel near by. I call my boyfriend on the walk over there. I have been asked by the schedule to buy a coffee and cake but they don’t have cake so I buy a tea and my dinner. I write a letter to QDT as requested. It’s a slightly rambling letter about my hopes for the residency, but it feels good to write. In the background is Saturday night entertainment TV. It's brilliant. It’s a competition about dance and I recognise the host singer Alesha but I dont know the show. There is a sound clash of music as some other music is playing in the bar. But I’m loving the TV. I think this is joyful. I love this genre of TV. The genre of TV where people who aren’t famous show their talents. Masterchef, Bake Off, and Goggle Box (well I think so). They are all brilliant dancers in this show. I feel really good. I see people arriving, lots of groups of people. I think people are excited about coming to the hotel. Its quite glamorous and there’s a spa. I love seeing people dressed up, lipstick … perfume. I sit on my own suddenly conscious I am sitting on a table meant for 5. I’ll move if a group needs the table. I’m happy in the bar. I made it to Luton! I’m writing the letter. I’m doing the task. Drinking tea. Eating dinner.

Back in the Air B and B I watch 3 episodes of Sex Education on Netflix. It’s difficult to stop watching it. Its 11pm – I know I need to stop watching.

DAY TWO

I get dressed for the day. I know from the schedule that I’m going to a church and a classical music concert today. This is what I decide to wear.

The Church The church is a very beautiful building. A historic gem I saw it when I cycled here I wonder if I can take my coffee in. Someone greets me I know the church space - what it feels like to be in one. I don’t feel nervous about going in. I go inside and take a seat near the front Powerpoint is on. The vicar looks tired. There was a youth lock-in last night. I think they stayed up all night. He said his head feels a bit fuzzy My head feels fuzzy I reflect on how the message of love goes beyond religion. I think of my friend who was a Christian for so many years and has trauma from being told that non-believers like me were going to hell amongst other things. I think of how sad this is. It’s difficult to reconcile the two images/ideas/feelings I have in my head about Church. I think perhaps all versions of church exist at the same time. I think of how nice it is that there are so many ages of people here old and young There is a rock band playing hymns? A boy dances in the isles People open their palms out to the sky I don’t really understand what they are saying. I find it hard to concentrate. I make recordings and write, feeling self-conscious at my removal from being in the place. The writing becomes a means to separate My observation becomes a way of separation Thinking about separation makes me feel anxious I think of how wonderful it is to go weekly to something where your spiritual values are shared with others I think of how I would like to have a place to go to do this, which isn’t a religious space but is communal. Some people talk about how they have a place in which they can feel a connection with spirit/god/something beyond than the material world, but if you are not religious, perhaps this space is often an individual space, it isn’t shared. I think it is sad that it isn’t shared. I think about future projects. I think about a project Sam Jacob did about creating a space intended to explore death, loss, and grieving I think about Fleabag. Perhaps that has got some people coming to church that wouldn’t normally come? The hour and half is so well performed and curated. Many people take the stage. The rock band plays 3 songs. There are different voices and personalities all playing a part. The vicar gets annoyed that the person controlling the Powerpoint is not keeping up. It’s quite nice to see the vicar getting annoyed. There is no communion non-alcoholic wine because of coronavirus I see a guy who put his hand up when asked a question about a passage in the Bible is on his phone a lot. He looks like he’s on Twitter but perhaps there is religious pictures he is looking at. I can’t really tell but I’m intrigued by how much he is using the phone, and also how knowledgeable about Christianity he is. The church has tried to be accommodating spatially. There is a good baby area at the back with toys to play with.

The service ends. The man who greeted me asks why I’m there. He asks is it for historical reasons? I say yes. He kindly shows me on a small tour around the church, talking me through historically significant artefacts. It is historically significant but I can’t remember what he says. I’m sorry - I should have written it down. I leave the church.

It’s a windy Sunday in town. I go to the supermarket on my bike and stock up on a few meals. The Lidl is very good here. I then make my way to Wardown House, Museum and Gallery for the concert. I love bike lanes. And I can get there via a park. It’s very beautiful. There seems to be a lot of green spaces in Luton.

Wardown House is very beautiful. There are beautiful trees outside. There are historical figures talking out of portraits in the rooms on digital screens. There are some families visiting. Sunday activity. I go and have tea and sit down to reread my letter I wrote yesterday. Its so scrawly written I wonder whether QDT will be able to read it. I try to make it more clear by adding dots on I’s and crosses on T’s. I relax in the calm room. It’s very beautiful. I really enjoy my earl grey tea. There is a very nice floor here. Mostly people here are people probably over 70, perhaps with their children or friends. It’s a day out place. I look around the cabinets, snapping what’s there. I have never taken so many pictures of things. I feel like I’m using the camera instead of my eye. I wonder whether people who are really into Instagram do the same thing all the time. The concert. I think I’m bored as a starting point. Then I try to be present. Am I bored? No I’m not. It’s a space to relax and Harpsichordist Terence Charlston who is leading the concert is very good. He explains things in-between songs, he gives each song and the composer context. He is interesting and passionate and calm. He chooses compositions by several women. Jacquet de la Guerre. A song called The Mysterious Barricades. I love this. People seem to like this. Its hard to know exactly what people think but gentle smiles and a positive feeling suggest people really like it. A quiet joy? I write down my codes for the air b and b again on a different piece of paper Gentle afternoon. I close my eyes. Sitting in the drawing room. Light blue walls. Lots of complex cornicing work on the ceiling. I can go into my own head space. Half hour break! Lovely. I explore the museum. Different things catch my eye. Hat industry. Material Culture. If this museum was not to exist what would happen to all these objects? Do people really engage though? Do people feel this is important? Is this just another trip for people - a tick box thing to do? I think I have felt like that a lot in musuems. Right now I try to appreciate what I am seeing and experiencing. I love seeing the straw plait work from the hat industry - famously from Luton and some embroidery by different young people. There is one with these words,

‘In time of wealth protecting power

From pride and every ill defends

And in afflictions keenest hour

Be thou our comforter

and friend’

I dont really understand what they are saying, but it seems pertinent to contemporary life. Wealth and Power. I notice that it was a child that made it, and marvel at the changing of skills through generations. What young peopels creativity is today. I’m confident that there are many young people saying as profound today - but in another form.

There is a painting in the drawing room of the Town Hall on fire. I read about it upstairs. It happened on Peace Day in 1919 and happened because of rising tensions due to food shortages and the first world war, and as the information panels says some shopkeepers ‘gave preference to wealthy customers. Poorer women had to queue for hours. While soldiers were fighting and dying for their country, other people were making a profit from the War’. It is a shocking picture of the Town Hall in flames painted by an artist M WJ Roberts. Now its sitting in the drawing room near to portrait of a young ballerina and a painting by the Nigerian painter and sculptor Ben Enwonwu. It’s a conflicting mix of images.

On my way out I overhear that there is a suffragette dress here. I’m too shy to ask so I google whether there is one.

This has taken me so long to write. I don’t know what I thought but its 11.15pm now. I didn’t have time to watch the film set for me called ‘Blinded by the Light’. I hope there is time to watch another time. Sorry! I may need to change my approach to writing. I guess I should write in my breaks in the day. I’m going to try a different approach tomorrow.

LASTLY I said that I was going to stop using the internet whilst I was here on residency. I haven’t done that yet. But I have decided as a first act towards this, I will document my internet browsing history from today. This is what I have been thinking of when I haven’t been present.

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guidetoenjoy-blog · 5 years

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Elephants unchained: 'The day has gone by when this was entertainment'

New Post has been published on https://entertainmentguideto.com/must-see/elephants-unchained-the-day-has-gone-by-when-this-was-entertainment/

Elephants unchained: 'The day has gone by when this was entertainment'

As our understanding of the minds of our fellow species improves, will we increasingly look back at the way we have treated them in horror and repulsion?

Water streams off the edges of her giant ears, runs in rivulets down the wrinkles of her slate-grey skin. She presses her whole head into the hoses force, the spray welling into her mouth. As she drinks, she rubs her skin against the steel fence, her eyelids drooping luxuriously, her trunk relaxing. If ever Ive seen a captive elephant happy, its Flora this morning.

There are no people laughing or pointing here at the Elephant Sanctuary in Tennessee. There are no infants crying, no children arguing. The public are not allowed into the sanctuary, whose unofficial motto is, Allow elephants to be elephants: give them the freedom of choice, the freedom of large areas to explore, the freedom from human gawkers (apart from via the online elecams) while still providing the kind of care that comes with a zoo.

In fact, few things are required of the 10 pachyderms here. They can sleep in the barn or they can spend the night among the pine-covered hills. They can stay in the shade or lounge in the sun. They can wander together for company like elephants in the wild or take off on a solo sojourn. They can chase turkeys or trumpet at deer. They can take a dust bath, roll in a mud wallow, or be sprayed by a keeper, as Flora chose on this day when the temperature hits 34C (93.2F).

I dont think we will ever get away from elephants in captivity, Stephanie DeYoung, the director of elephant husbandry, tells me. But is it time to change how we keep them in captivity?

The Elephant Sanctuary spreads over 2,700 rolling acres.

Beaten, starved, shackled

Watching her now, its hard to imagine Flora a female African elephant, the largest and arguably most regal terrestrial animal on the planet dressed up in a silly costume performing in a one-elephant act for 18 years. But that was her life before.

We are, as a species, generally fascinated by elephants. We see the qualities and characteristics in elephants that we aspire to have ourselves, says Patricia Sims, the co-founder of World Elephant Day. Empathy, enduring family bonds, cooperation, intelligence, long memories, taking care of their environment to name just a few.

Some extraordinary scientific studies in the last few years have revealed just how intelligent they are. They can recognise themselves in a mirror, found scientists in 2006, one of only a few species that do this. They can have an aha moment to solve a puzzle, showed researchers in 2011, by witnessing a young elephant in the National zoo in Washington DC who would move a block wherever she needed it to reach food. We even know now that what makes captive elephants happy is not the size of their pen, but whether they live with other elephants, thanks to a landmark collection of papers in the scientific journal PLOS ONE last year

But our desire to be close to these incredible creatures has led us down some ugly paths. We have ridden them, dressed them up in ridiculous attire, beaten them, starved them, and slaughtered them en masse. Today tens of thousands live shackled in prisons of our making.

A video still from a report that was shown during the trial of circus trainer Mary Chipperfield, who was convicted in 1999 on 12 counts of animal cruelty.

Elephants are still gussied up to decorate weddings in India; in Sri Lanka they are locked in religious sites as living (but suffering) embodiments of a god; in Africa tourists ride trained elephants to see wild ones; in south-east Asia elephants are used to log the very forests they once called home; and worldwide elephants are still forced to perform silly tricks in circuses and zoos, tricks they are trained to do by brutalising methods, often using a bullhook, a large, sharp, medieval-looking instrument used to create pain in an elephants sensitive spots.

When I ask ecologist and author of Beyond Words: What Animals Think and Feel, Carl Safina, if he believes elephants are intelligent and conscious, he says that there is zero evidence that such animals are not conscious, while there is multiple lines of evidence both physically and behaviourally that they are.

So what are the implications of this? Besides their own particular form of consciousness, elephants have spectacularly good memories. Can they remember abuse and pain? Could some elephants even be described as traumatised? There have certainly been episodes that would seem to indicate this. In 1994, for example, a female African elephant named Tyke crushed her trainer to death in front of a circus audience in Honolulu. She escaped the tent and ran through the city streets for a half hour before police officers brought her down in a hail of 86 bullets. Like all circus elephants, shed spent her life chained up, transported in trucks and beaten to perform. The only freedom shed known was when shed escape and shed done so twice before. (The 2013 documentary Blackfish, about a killer whale, Tilikum, appears to tell a very similar story about another of the earths largest mammals.)

Sukari in her enclosure

Over and over again, staff at the Tennessee sanctuary tell me that elephants never kill anyone accidentally. Like humans, they can snap. Constant beatings, solitary confinement, being chained to the floor: all this can understandably push any elephant to the brink and some will retaliate.

In her book Elephants on the Edge, Gay A Bradshaw argues that elephants both wild and captive can suffer psychological traumas, leading them to become more unpredictable and violent. When elephants lose their homes and families, are subjected to mass killing, and are captured and incarcerated in zoos, they breakdown mentally and culturally and exhibit symptoms found in human prisoners and victims of genocide, Bradshaw said in an interview with Scientific American.

In her book, Bradshaw describes an experiment where the symptoms of an elephant were sent to five mental health officials who had no knowledge that they were diagnosing an elephant and not a human but all of whom diagnosed the individual with PTSD.

As our understanding of the minds of our fellow species improves, will we increasingly look back at the way we have treated them in horror and repulsion?

Shirleys right ear was scarred when she was on a ship that caught fire and sank.

Unloosening the chains

The impact of our changing understanding of elephant psychology has already been profound. Perhaps the most astounding change is at circuses. Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey, arguably the worlds most famous circuses, stopped using elephants last year and then closed for good this May after 146 years. Britains last circus elephant, Anne, was rescued in 2011 after the Daily Mail revealed she was being viciously abused. Twenty countries have banned the use of elephants in circuses. Even India has banned elephants in both circuses and zoos though the process of retiring the elephants is gradual.

The days gone by of putting an animal in a cage and calling it entertainment. I think more and more people realise that is ridiculous, says DeYoung.

Life in zoos is generally not as abusive for elephants as in circuses. Zoo elephants are not travelling overland on a weekly basis, are not usually chained up for days to weeks to years on end, and are not usually forced to perform tricks day in and day out.

But there have been enormous changes here too. Recognising the social needs of elephants, the USs Association for Zoos and Aquariums (AZA) now requires that any accredited zoo must have at least three female elephants, two males or three mixed genders in order to make sure elephants have peers although facilities can apply for an expectation. (There has been less progress on space: a creature known to roam hundreds to thousands of square kilometres in the wild gets as little as 500 square metres of outside space in a zoo.)

The best zoos are changing concrete cages to natural environments, adding more enrichment and taking their elephants for daily walks to increase exercise. Today, 43 zoos are members of the Elephant Welfare Initiative, which tracks real-time data on their pachyderms, all in an effort to improve conditions. And many elephant keepers now have behavioural backgrounds, an acknowledgement of the species deep psychological needs, explains Otto Fad, an animal behaviour and welfare specialist. All of us elephant geeks are paying attention, he says.

Adult elephants and a calf chained in an indoor enclosure at the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus, US in 1989. Photograph: Scott McKiernan/Zuma/Alamy

But progress is slow, and patchy. China is buying up wild elephants from Africa, and Chinese zoos are hardly known for humane conditions. Eyewitnesses say zoos there are forcing elephants to do unnatural tricks to entertain visitors, much like circuses. Even in Europe controversy remains: In April, Peta released footage of keepers at the Hanover zoo in Germany using a bullhook and whip to train juvenile elephants to perform tricks. The European Association of Zoos and Aquariums and the AZA both still allow the use of bullhooks.

And then there are the 15,000 to 20,000 elephants around the world that still spend their lives in chains. Harsh, is how Carol Buckley, the head of Elephant Aid International,describes conditions in Asia. With little exception, they live in chains when not being dominated by their mahout to perform. The mahouts suffer equally … [Both] live in squalor, deprived of the most basic needs. In Indonesia, activists have photographed an elephant in a zoo that lives alone with its feet tied together by a chain. It cant move a single step.

So, what to do? We cant just open the pen doors and unloosen all the chains.

If only they could all go and live in the sanctuary.

Ronnie (on the left) and Sissy in their enclosures. Out of shot are their companions. All are free to roam in 100s of acres.

They are allowed to express themselves

No institution is perfect. Founded in 1995, the 2,700-acre sanctuary North Americas only one dedicated solely to elephants has seen its own set of tragedies and challenges, none worse than when a keeper was killed in 2006 by an Asian elephant.

But it is a genuine sanctuary for once abused elephants, tended to by the most devoted of staff, who practise a form of elephant care known as protected contact or PC, a type of training invented in the 1990s by San Diego zoo. This is in opposition to whats called free contact, which generally depends on bullhooks and punishment. Keeper Kristy Sands Eaker says PC is about mutual respect, and about positive reinforcement rewards for good behaviour rather than punishment. They know we are not going to enter their space … They are allowed to express themselves if they do not want to participate in something they can react and theres no punishment for that.

At the same time, the animals are not romanticised: elephants and keepers are always separated by a steel barrier; there are always at least two keepers working with an elephant, and all are aware they are dealing with four-tonne animals capable of killing with a single strike of its trunk.

The sanctuary houses 10 female elephants it doesnt take males at this time. It has room for six more, but its surprisingly difficult to obtain new elephants. After all, elephants are money makers for circuses and zoos, which are often loathe to give them up. This is why the sanctuary is never sent young elephants: the younger the elephant, the bigger the jackpot. In an attempt to create bridges between the circus or zoo world and the sanctuary, the staff say their elephants are retired not rescued.

The sanctuary has no interest in breeding on the site. Were not breeding for animals to live in captivity, says CEO Janice Zeitlin. And this is captivity.

Some of these elephants have harrowing stories. Sissy, stolen from the wild in 1969, survived a flood in Texas in 1981, spending 36 hours submerged under water with just her trunk above the surface. For years she was terrified of water, but after coming to the sanctuary she started wading in pools again.

This is what the sanctuary is about, says Zeitlin. These celebrations. These milestones.

Some elephants arrived with self-mutilation behaviours, such as biting their ears or tusking their own legs. Its a coping mechanism, and a lot of that is based on stress, explains DeYoung.

I spend the day at the sanctuary with remarkable women. DeYoung moved across the country to work here. Zeitlin came 20 years ago and today runs the place. Sands Eaker worked up to the day she gave birth to twins. She told me she sometimes feels she knows the elephants better than her own children. This is not a job for them, its a calling, a devotion, a love.

I wonder if they are aware of the similarities between them and the elephants they care for. On the one hand, we have a highly intelligent, empathetic, deeply conscious species that has survived millions of years through a powerful matriarchal society. And, on the other, are the women of another species determined to give these pachyderm ladies the best years of their life, determined to do their utmost to heal the wounds caused by our sins.

Given that they are often taking in geriatric elephants the youngest on site is 33 workers at the facility have become accustomed to loss. In its 22 years, they have seen 17 elephants die. In 2013, they started a new policy of euthanising elephants when they felt they were suffering from irreversible health problems causing unrelenting suffering.

An elephant grave at the Elephant Sanctuary.

There was a philosophical change, DeYoung says, noting that founders preferred allowing nature to take its course. The final decision comes down to the vets, but includes input from all the staff. Since 2013 they have humanely euthanised five elephants.

We feel we are the stewards of this animal and it is our responsibility to take care of them in life and in death, adds DeYoung.

When death comes whether due to euthanasia or other causes the other elephants are allowed to spend as long as they need with the body. Elephants are buried on site and marker stones erected. Staff have observed elephants visiting the graves of their lost companions, especially those they were particularly bonded to. More then 10 years after Jennys death, Shirley still marches into the wood to mourn beside her grave.

Into the wild

But even if every zoo in the world was like the sanctuary, captivity can never replicate the wild.

Conservationists rarely consider the idea of releasing captive elephants back into the wild, but it has been done. Elephant Reintroduction, a NGO in Thailand, has reintroduced more than a hundred once-captive elephants into three protected areas since 2002. The work is challenging. Premjith Hemmawath, with the organisation, says mahouts had to teach one elephant how to drink water from the river instead of the tap. Still, many reintroduced elephants have thrived in this programme, with some even reproducing in the wild.

Fewer captive elephants have been released in Africa, but there are successes there too. Eight adult captive elephants housed in African countries (five males and three females) have been rereleased in Botswana. The most incredible example of reintroductions are Durga and Owalla, American circus elephants that were reintroduced into a park in South Africa in 1982. Both went on to have their own calves.

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us

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adambstingus · 6 years

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20 Weird But Genius Products On Amazon For People Who Have Everything

We know them, we love (most of) them: the impossible-to-buy-for people in your life. Whether its the husband who has everything, or the BFF who just doesnt want a lot of clutter around, they can make gift buying feel like a search for the holy grail.

That’s why we scoured Amazon to find fifteen of the most amazingproducts notebooks that erase themselves in the microwave, to magical pens that let you draw in three dimensions that are sure to surprise, and probably please, those hard-to-buy-for friends.

We hope you love at least one of these odd and awesome products. Just an FYI: 22Words may get a share of any sale through links on this page.

These Glasses That Aerate Wine On Contact So You Can Drink ASAP

via: Amazon

Wine lovers and design aficionados alike are singing the praises of these innovative wine glasses throughout their Amazon reviews. The built-in aerator lets you ditch the decanter and oxygenate your wine on contact so you can dig right into the delicious red nectar. Theyre not inexpensive, but for the type of people fancy enough to aerate their wine in the first place, its surely a paltry sum.

Snappy Amazon Review: Worth every penny. -Kimberly

This Beautiful Piece of Jewelry That’s A Fitness Tracker In Disguise

via: Amazon

FitBits are nice and all, but some days you dont want a big rubber band around your wrist screaming Im health conscious! to everyone you pass. Thats what makes the BellaBeat Leaf Nature Health Trackersuch a refreshing innovation. Beautiful and versatile, the BellaBeat can be worn as a necklace or bracelet, and tracks your daily steps, distance traveled and calories burned.

Snappy Amazon Review: The most low maintenance fitness tracker ever made and it’s gorgeous. -Elida Omerkic

This Tiny Gadget That Makes Your Car Smell Great

via: Amazon

Ditch the Febreze and get your FRiEQ on with the FRiEQ Car Air Purifier. The FRiEQ pumps three million negative ions per cubic centimeter into the air, which destroy odor causing particulates on contact, including mold, bacteria and viruses. Best of all, its powered by your cars 12V plug, so youll never run out of fresh air energy.

Snappy Amazon Review: My car certainly smells better. –Sammidee

These Tiny Bags of Charcoal That Drink In Odor

via: Amazon

Rescue your favorite footwear from inevitable shoe-smell with these all-natural, activated charcoal Footwear Deodorizers. And theyre not just for shoes the activated charcoal actively absorbs moisture in any situation, preventing pervasive odors and bacterial growth, so you can easily deodorize stinky refrigerators, closets and basements. They make no claims about stinky husbands, children, or coworkers however.

Snappy Amazon Review: Product works as Described, sucks all smell from shoes. -Kalpesh

…AND GETS ALL UP IN YOUR FACEBOOK

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This Miracle Broom That Cleans Floors, Walls, Windows and More

via: Amazon

Perfect for your neat-freak friends, the Evriholder FURemover Broom’swide head of 100% natural rubber bristles to grab and trap dirt, dust, lint and pet hair with ease its even got a telescoping handle for reaching the cobwebbiest of corners. Right now its one of the most popular brooms on Amazon, and with well over 2,000 positive reviews, its not hard to see why.

Snappy Amazon Review: This thing just plain works. -Nick V.

This Portable Charcoal Grill That Somehow Runs on Batteries

via: Amazon

If youre not into grilling, you may not be as impressed as I am by the truly innovative Gourmia Grill. It combines the inimitable flavor of a charcoal grill with the ease of non-stick surfaces and battery-powered portability. Perfect for grilling on the patio and small enough to pack for the next tailgate, the Gourmia Grills turbo fan provides precise air control to perfectly grill dogs, burgers, steaks and more, while conserving your charcoal consumption. And that just makes sense. Dollars, and cents.

Snappy Amazon Review: Gave as gift got a hamburger and hot dog in return. -Amazon Customer

This Indoor Garden That Grows Herbs Even I Can’t Kill

via: Amazon

I have a few talents in life. Horticulture is not one of them. Hence my immediate attraction to the Click & Grow Indoor Smart Herb Garden. The manufacturer boasts that growing herbs is as easy as inserting the plant capsules, filling the water tank (possible sticking point), and plugging the unit in. After that, let the automatic hydration system, low-energy LED grow light and the miracle of Mother Nature work their collective magic, and watch as the herbs of your choice spring to life. Delicious, fragrant life.

Snappy Amazon Review: I would have given 5 stars if it had come with something other than just basil. That’s the only thing I’d change. -Meghan

This Ring Of Power That Renders Your Smartphone Undroppable

via: Amazon

Since I got one, theiRinghas saved my iPhone from countless potentially devastating smartphone injuries. The iRing attaches via ultra-strong adhesive to the back of your smartphone, giving you a solid, swiveling ring through which to thread a finger of your choice, or with which to prop up your phone for some bedside Netflixin. Oh, and dont forget the included plastic hook, onto which the iRing settles nicely for use in the car.

Snappy Amazon Review: I’m a klutz so I drop stuff all the time, and this really helps. -Lunatique

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This Waffle Iron That’s Shaped Like a Keyboard

via: Amazon

I dont think an explanation is needed here. It’s a Keyboard Waffle Iron. Pass the syrup.

Snappy Amazon Review: Yesterday I did nothing because my keyboard was a waffle the whole time. -Leedlej

This Bottle Opener That Also Holds Your Child’s Fine Art

via: Amazon

There are few things more irritating than trying to track down a bottle opener when youre hankering for a cold one. Thats why no one will complain when you gift them this impossible-to-lose Master Magnetics Bottle Opener. Strong magnets keep it adhered to the beer cooler (aka, refrigerator), where it can amass an ever-growing collection of child artwork, or a collection of bottle caps so large it might force you to reevaluate your life choices.

Snappy Amazon Review: The magnets are really strong. -Edward

These Magical Drops That Change The Way You Taste Food

via: Amazon

MBerry Drops contain extracts from the so-called miracle fruit a mysterious berry that causes some pretty serious shifts in your taste perception. Dissolve one of these ten tablets on your tongue, and everything changes. Lemons taste like lemonade. Vinegar tastes like apple juice. Cheese tastes like frosting. You suddenly achieve the body of your dreams. Okay, were lying about that last part, but we swear these drops are the real, and somewhat freaky, deal.

Snappy Amazon Review: Yes they work. -Heart Dad

This Notebook That Erases Itself In The Microwave

via: Amazon

While the surveillance utility of microwave ovens has been debunked, the ability of microwaves to completely clear the Rocketbook Wave Smart Notebook of your top-secret doodles or late-night confessions is fully bunked. Seriously, this notebook erases itself in the microwave. And it even comes with a Rocketbook app which scans your work in hi-def before obliteration.

Snappy Amazon Review: I love this notebook. -ecaminos

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This All Natural Deodorant That’s Worth Buying For The Name Alone

via: Amazon

Say it three times fast: Primal Pit Paste Deodorant. PPPD is an all-natural solution to body odor, featuring a 100% aluminum-free mixture of shea butter, arrowroot powder and baking soda for an odor fighting and soothing solution. But lets be honest, youre just buying this to give your friend something called Primal Pit Paste.

Snappy Amazon Review: 4 months later I am still using nothing but Primal Pit Paste! -Jen

This Pen That Lets You Sculpt Your Own New Reality Where You Made Better Choices

via: Amazon

For those of us that struggle to draw even the simplest of 3d figures, the 3Doodler Create 3D Pen is a mind-blowing game changer, allowing even the most challenged of artists to realize their visions in 3D plastic reality. Like normal 3D printers, the 3Doodler extrudes melted plastic, which dries almost instantly as you bring your vision to life whether that be a scale model of the Eiffel Tower, or a drooping mess of an attempt at a human head. Theres certainly a learning curve with the 3Doodler, but the potential for awesomeness cant be denied.

Snappy Amazon Review: My son loves this! -Dawn

These Platypi That Infuse Your Tea With Too Much Adorability

via: Amazon

To be fair, theres a veritable menagerie of adorable animal-shaped tea infusers on Amazon. Seriously. Manatees, sloths, baby dinosaurs. But when it comes to a combination of cute and unique, nothing rivals a platypus. Especially platypus tea infusers. Especially when theyre called Mr. & Mrs. PlaTEApus. Come on. Just take my money already. These silicone platypi prop themselves on the edge of your tea cup and slowly infuse your favorite loose-leaf tea through tiny holes in their adorable bellies. And they come in their own gift box. I cant take it.

Snappy Amazon Review: So cute! Easy to fill and clean. So adorable! -Amazon Customer

This Small Plastic Stone That Fills The Room With Aromatic Humidity

via: Amazon

This small but mighty Deneve Essential Oil Diffuser and Humidifier can fill a space of up to 250 square feet with delightfully scented mist, while also putting on an ever-changing light show. Its the easy way to throw the most soothing of at-home raves.

Snappy Amazon Review: It is great. It is important to wipe it out between uses. -Torsten

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This Showerhead and Speaker That Will Change The Way You Bathe

via: Amazon

Your bathroom karaoke game just got way more serious. Kohlers MoxieShowerhead and Wireless Speaker combines a sixty-nozzle shower head with a removable, rechargeable bluetooth speaker, allowing you to stream all of your top tunes while you steam your way to relaxation. And when the speakers lithium ion battery runs low, just pop it from its magnetic hold in the shower head and plug it into the included USB cable for a quick charge. You’ll be up and showering-singing again in no time.

Snappy Amazon Review: The only thing better than a shower beer is having a shower beer while safely gyrating to jams in the shower. -Jonathon

The Toilet Stool That’ll Change The Way You…Go

via: Amazon

Okay, so since it exploded on Shark Tank, the Squatty Potty hasnt exactly been an unknown quantity. But that doesnt make it any less bizarre (or useful!) of a gift. The manufacturer recommends that beginning squatters start with the 7-inch Squatty, though those limber of leg and/or well-practiced in the art of squatting can venture up to the 9-inch SP. With sales in the millions and celebrities like Howard Stern touting the effectiveness of the simple bathroom stool, its safe to say the Squatty Potty isnt a passing phase its a movement.

Snappy Amazon Review: Oh Squatty Potty, You fill me with endless joy, Yet leave me empty. -Wm.

The Clear Film That Turns Any Surface Into a Dry Erase Board

via: Amazon

Synergy. Leverage. Ideation. These corporate buzzwords arent just limited to conference rooms anymore. With the Think Premium Board Medium, you can have the power of the white board anywhere you please! But seriously, this 2-foot by 3-foot clear sheet adheres to almost any surface, so you can doodle, plan, outline and scheme to your hearts dry-erase delight.

Snappy Amazon Review: OMG, I absolutely love this. Just like you, i’ve been looking for a white board for productivity, goals, action steps, you name it! -Georgetowns Marketplace

These Magical Tooth Wipes That Hide The Fact That You’ve Been Day Drinking

via: Amazon

No longer must you choose between red wine and a white smile. These Wine Wipes pack just enough hydrogen peroxide to wipe stains away from your pearly whites, without interfering with the delicious flavor.

Snappy Amazon Review: This stuff works perfectly. -b-ran

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allofbeercom · 6 years

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20 Weird But Genius Products On Amazon For People Who Have Everything

We hope you love at least one of these odd and awesome products. Just an FYI: 22Words may get a share of any sale through links on this page.

These Glasses That Aerate Wine On Contact So You Can Drink ASAP

via: Amazon

Snappy Amazon Review: Worth every penny. -Kimberly

This Beautiful Piece of Jewelry That’s A Fitness Tracker In Disguise

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Snappy Amazon Review: The most low maintenance fitness tracker ever made and it’s gorgeous. -Elida Omerkic

This Tiny Gadget That Makes Your Car Smell Great

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Snappy Amazon Review: My car certainly smells better. –Sammidee

These Tiny Bags of Charcoal That Drink In Odor

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Snappy Amazon Review: Product works as Described, sucks all smell from shoes. -Kalpesh

…AND GETS ALL UP IN YOUR FACEBOOK

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This Miracle Broom That Cleans Floors, Walls, Windows and More

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Snappy Amazon Review: This thing just plain works. -Nick V.

This Portable Charcoal Grill That Somehow Runs on Batteries

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Snappy Amazon Review: Gave as gift got a hamburger and hot dog in return. -Amazon Customer

This Indoor Garden That Grows Herbs Even I Can’t Kill

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This Ring Of Power That Renders Your Smartphone Undroppable

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This Waffle Iron That’s Shaped Like a Keyboard

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I dont think an explanation is needed here. It’s a Keyboard Waffle Iron. Pass the syrup.

Snappy Amazon Review: Yesterday I did nothing because my keyboard was a waffle the whole time. -Leedlej

This Bottle Opener That Also Holds Your Child’s Fine Art

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These Magical Drops That Change The Way You Taste Food

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This Notebook That Erases Itself In The Microwave

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This All Natural Deodorant That’s Worth Buying For The Name Alone

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Snappy Amazon Review: 4 months later I am still using nothing but Primal Pit Paste! -Jen

This Pen That Lets You Sculpt Your Own New Reality Where You Made Better Choices

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Snappy Amazon Review: My son loves this! -Dawn

These Platypi That Infuse Your Tea With Too Much Adorability

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Snappy Amazon Review: So cute! Easy to fill and clean. So adorable! -Amazon Customer

This Small Plastic Stone That Fills The Room With Aromatic Humidity

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Snappy Amazon Review: It is great. It is important to wipe it out between uses. -Torsten

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This Showerhead and Speaker That Will Change The Way You Bathe

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Snappy Amazon Review: The only thing better than a shower beer is having a shower beer while safely gyrating to jams in the shower. -Jonathon

The Toilet Stool That’ll Change The Way You…Go

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Snappy Amazon Review: Oh Squatty Potty, You fill me with endless joy, Yet leave me empty. -Wm.

The Clear Film That Turns Any Surface Into a Dry Erase Board

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Snappy Amazon Review: OMG, I absolutely love this. Just like you, i’ve been looking for a white board for productivity, goals, action steps, you name it! -Georgetowns Marketplace

These Magical Tooth Wipes That Hide The Fact That You’ve Been Day Drinking

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Snappy Amazon Review: This stuff works perfectly. -b-ran

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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/20-weird-but-genius-products-on-amazon-for-people-who-have-everything/

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relatedrealtychicagoblog · 6 years

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Take a cue from the past when working with a private chef. It will nourish you and make your dinner parties the talk of the town.

Slim Aarons, “Dining at the Wilmonts”

“I have made a lot of mistakes falling in love, and regretted most of them, but never the potatoes that went with them.” -Nora Ephron

It may seem like a luxury, but really, it’s not.

It may happen in the middle of planning your next dinner party. You find yourself drifting off into an alternative universe, one where you are living like a modern-day version of Lady Mary Crawley from Downton Abbey. You’re barely aware of the lavish dinner preparations at hand, and not a bit worried. Your team of professionals are preparing a menu that you tasted and approved a month ago. Instead, you are the consummate hostess, greeting your guests as they assemble in the “drawing-room,” gentlemen arriving in dress suits, escorting ladies in beautiful dresses. And when it’s time, you announce that dinner is served and lead your guests to a perfectly-set table with complete confidence and grace.

Or, perhaps your fantasy is about waking up on a late summer morning, intent on making fresh eggplant salad for your brood. The sun shines brightly as you admire your lush kitchen garden. You pick gorgeous, fresh basil and a perfectly ripe eggplant, and some oh-so-green lettuce, from your perfectly composed dirt. Produce in hand, you feel a bit like the Hamptons’ goddess herself, Ina Garten, effortlessly preparing lunch for her husband Jeffrey.

But reality bites – whether it’s that empty space where your perfect kitchen garden should go, or its remembrances of your last dinner party, the one where you were still making the sauce and applying a last coat of nail polish when one of your guests inevitably arrived on time.

And it’s then that you decide. It’s time to hire a private chef. And you should. It is totally worth it.

Why be in it alone?

The food options at our fingertips in Chicago are endless, feeding our appetites both healthy and not. But you can only go out to eat so often, or order so much take out – really, with all the waste “to go” creates, its’ enough already. In 2018, like in the days’ of yore, in order to keep a proper kitchen, and consistently prepare, nourishing and exciting meals for yourself, your family and friends – you need help.

Today, eating is still very much about culinary indulgence, and the kind of happiness that comes from having a great meal and good conversation with family and friends. And yet, these days, it’s also about food values and wellness. Thank goodness.

So with higher expectations for ourselves, and less time to execute, it is not at all surprising that more people today are choosing to bring the best of the restaurant, and sometimes the chefs’ themselves home with them – by hiring a private chef.

Today’s private chefs are artists, experts in all types of cuisine, and in many cases, also skilled in floral and table design. They have studied at the best culinary institutions, understand nutrition and farming, and know where to purchase the most ethically sourced meats and local produce. These modern day godfreys, can make your dinner party the talk of the town and also strictly facilitate your food goals.

Here are few things to consider when finding and working with a private chef.

It’s not just about the food, it’s chemistry.

The key of course, is finding the right person. Just as the food should match your preferences, the chef should be a good match for your personality. He or she should also be private and discreet. Unlike a personal chef, who will have multiple clients, a private chef is going to be up close and personal with your family and friends—and in many cases living and traveling with you. They will be front and center to both your whims, as well as those little personality quirks that make family dinners so fun. So spend time together first. Try out a few meals, and like with anything, iron out your expectations. At best, these relationships should be a collaboration, and the process consultative.

Mindful eating, aka food values

You want a food partner, one that understands, not only your style, and what you’re looking to achieve, but someone who will help facilitate your expectations when you’re there and when you are not. A private chef is responsible, not only with preparing your meals, but for costing ingredients, sourcing product, and planning menus tailored to your wants and needs. For many in 2018, being conscious and aware of where food comes from, whether it has been sustainably and ethically sourced, is of utmost importance. Also, for many, the same goes for having a deep understanding of how what you eat affects your health and wellness. You want someone, who not only shares your values, but someone that you can trust to facilitate. You don’t want to worry about where your vegetables are coming from.

Consider a kitchen garden.

Creating a beautifully maintained kitchen garden, one where you can select herbs, vegetables, and fruit for each meal is the ultimate luxury. City life is no excuse for not maintaining one. In Chicago, we are known for our rooftop gardens and have led the way among many big cities in cultivating this new trend, and the positive impact they can have on our environment. Fresh food also makes us happy, boosts our energy, and gives us an edge. We know this. However, when life becomes busy we tend to neglect these basics. Think about growing all the staple items, like herbs, onions, shallots, tomatoes, eggplant, and other crops that see a lot of daily use, or even some harder to find items like lemongrass, alfalfa sprouts, root vegetables, and maybe some artichokes.

DID YOU KNOW? For every kilogram of vegetables grown in your own dense garden, you are reducing greenhouse gas emissions by 2 kilograms, compared with buying in the store.

So, now that you are nourished…entertain and travel

The happiness that comes from bringing friends together for a meal can not be overstated. Why not indulge them? One of the key benefits of hiring a private chef is that you will have a partner when entertaining, whether its for an elegant tasting menu, an intimate gathering, or a traditional dinner party. While served at home, the service and quality will reflect the best of the restaurant feel with the irreplaceable feeling of home. And then when you do leave home, whether it be for a weekend getaway to the mountains or for a month-long trip to the summer beach house, they can come with you.

Creativity…because everything should be as beautiful as the food

Finding a chef that is also your creative partner, is a winning combination. All those ideas you have, like buying spices in bulk at Whole Foods to create your own custom mixes or infused oils, canning your favorite soups and sauces, made using vegetables from your new kitchen garden, harvested in the summer, to enjoy during the endless winter- you can do it together. Create custom gift baskets reflecting your own seasonal esthetic for your friends and family at the holidays or for birthdays. Or consider creating a bespoke cookbook, one that chronicles family favorites, along with new recipes and menus, that can be passed along generation to generation. In addition to projects, your private chef can teach you untraditional cooking methods, like live-fire cooking, using a smoker or a wood-burning pizza oven, or maybe if you are feeling crazy, even sous-vide cooking.

The possibilities are endless.

AMB

#Related Chicago - Feed #Chicago Real Estate

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trendingnewsb · 7 years

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Why do we feel so guilty all the time?

The long read: Food, sex, money, work, family, friends, health, politics: theres nothing we cant feel guilty about, including our own feelings of guilt

I feel guilty about everything. Already today Ive felt guilty about having saidthe wrong thing to a friend. Then Ifeltguilty about avoiding that friend because of the wrong thing Id said. Plus, I havent called my mother yet today: guilty. And I really should have organised something special for my husbands birthday: guilty. I gave the wrong kind of food to my child: guilty. Ive been cutting corners at work lately: guilty. I skipped breakfast: guilty. I snacked instead: double guilty. Im taking up all this space in a world with not enough space in it: guilty, guilty, guilty.

Nor am I feeling good about feeling bad. Not whensophisticated friends never fail toremind me how selfinvolved, self-aggrandising, politically conservative and morally stunted the guilty are. Poor me. Guilty about guilty. Filial guilt, fraternal guilt, spousal guilt, maternal guilt, peer guilt, work guilt, middle-class guilt, whiteguilt, liberal guilt, historical guilt, Jewish guilt: Im guilty of them all.

Thankfully, there are those who say they can save us from guilt. According to the popular motivational speaker Denise Duffield-Thomas, author of Get Rich, Lucky Bitch!, guilt is one of the most common feelings women suffer. Guilty women, lured by guilt into obstructing their own paths to increased wealth, power, prestige and happiness, just cant seem to take advantage of their advantages.

You might feel guilty, Duffield-Thomas writes, for wanting more, or for spending money on yourself, or for taking time out of your busy family life to work on improving yourself. You might feel guilty that other people are poor, thatyour friend is jealous, that there are starving people in theworld. Sure enough, I do feel guilty for those things. So,itis something of a relief to hear that I can be helped thatI can be self-helped. But, for that to happen, what I must first understand is that a) Im worth it, and b) none of these structures of global inequality, predicated on historical injustices, are my fault.

My guilt, in other words, is a sign not of my guilt but of myinnocence even my victimhood. Its only by forgiving myself for the wrongs for which I bear no direct responsibility that I can learn to release my money blocks and live afirstclass life, according to Duffield-Thomas.

Imagine that: a first-class life. This sort of advice, which frames guilt as our most fundamentally inhibiting emotion, takes insights from psychoanalytic and feminist thinking and transforms them into the language of business motivation. The promise is that our guilt can be expiated by making money.

Its an idea that might resonate especially in the German language, where guilt and debt arethe same word, schuld. One thinks, for example, of Max Webers thesis about how the spirit of capitalism conflates our worldly and heavenly riches, on the basis that what you earn in this world also serves as a measure of your spiritual virtue, since it depends on your capacity for hard work, discipline and self-denial.

But what Weber calls salvation anxiety within the Protestant work ethic has the opposite effect to the self-help manuals promise to liberate entrepreneurs from their guilt. For Weber, in fact, the capitalist pursuit of profit does not reduce ones guilt, but actively exacerbates it for, in an economy that admonishes stagnation, there can be no rest forthe wicked.

So, the guilt that blocks and inhibits us also propels us to work, work, work, to become relentlessly productive in the hope that we might by our good works rid ourselves of guilt. Guilt thus renders us productive and unproductive, workaholic and workphobic a conflict that might explain theextreme and even violent lengths to which people sometimes will go, whether by scapegoating others or sacrificing themselves, to be rid of what many people considerthe mostunbearable emotion.

What is the potency of guilt? With its inflationary logic, guiltlooks, if anything, to have accumulated over time. Although we tend to blame religion for condemning man tolife as a sinner, the guilt that may once have attached tospecific vices vices for which religious communities couldprescribe appropriate penance now seems, in a more secular era, to surface in relation to just about anything: food, sex, money, work, unemployment, leisure, health, fitness, politics, family, friends, colleagues, strangers, entertainment, travel, the environment, you name it.

Equally, whoever has been tempted to suppose that rituals of public humiliation area macabre relic of the medieval past clearly hasnt been paying much attention to our life online. You cant expect to get away for long on social media without someone pointing an accusatory finger at you. Yet its hard to imagine that the presiding spirit of our age, the envious and resentful troll, would have such easy pickings if he could not already sense awhiff of guilt-susceptibility emanating from his prey.

It wasnt meant to be like this. The great crusaders of modernity were supposed to uproot our guilt. The subject ofcountless high-minded critiques, guilt was accused by modern thinkers of sapping the life out of us and causing ourpsychological deterioration. It was said to make us weak(Nietzsche), neurotic (Freud), inauthentic (Sartre).

In thelatter part of the 20th century, various critical theories gained academic credibility, particularly within the humanities. These were theories that sought to show whether with reference to class relations, race relations, gender relations how we are all cogs in a larger system ofpower. We may play our parts in regimes of oppression, but we are also at the mercy of forces larger than us.

But this raises questions about personal responsibility: if its true that our particular situation is underpinned by a complex network of social and economic relations, how can any individual really claim to bein control or entirely responsible for her own life? Viewed in such an impersonal light, guilt can seem an unhelpful hangover fromless selfaware times.

As a teacher of critical theory, I know how crucial and revelatory its insights can be. But Ive occasionally also suspected that our desire for systematic and structural formsof explanation may be fuelled by our anxiety at the prospect of discovering were on the wrong side of history.When wielded indelicately, explanatory theories can offer their adherents afoolproof system for knowing exactly what view to hold, with impunity, about pretty much everything as if one could take out an insurance policy to be sure of always being right. Often, too, thats as far as such criticism takes you into a right-thinking that doesnt necessarily organise itself into right-acting.

The notion that our intellectual frameworks might be as much a reaction to our guilt as a remedy for it might sound familiar to a religious person. In the biblical story, after all, man falls when hes tempted by fruit from the tree of knowledge. Its knowledge that leads him out of the Gardenof Eden into an exile that has yet to end. His guilt isaconstant, nagging reminder that he has taken this wrongturn.

Illustration: A Richard Allen

Yet even within that source we see how mans guilt can bedeceptive as slippery and seductive as the serpent who led him astray. For if man has sinned by tasting of knowledge, the guilt that punishes him repeats his crime: with all its finger-wagging and tenor of I told you so, guilt itself comes over as awfully knowing. It keeps us, as the psychoanalyst Adam Phillips has written, in thrall to that boring and repetitive voice inside our head that endlessly corrects, criticises, censors, judges and finds fault with us, but never brings usany news about ourselves. In our feelings of guilt, we seemalready to have the measure of who it is we are and whatit is were capable of.

Could that be the reason for our guilt? Not our lack of knowledge but rather our presumption of it? Our desperate need to be sure of ourselves, even when what we think of ourselves is that were worthless, useless, the pits? When we feel guilty we at least have the comfort of being certain ofsomething of knowing, finally, the right way to feel, whichis bad.

This may be why were addicted to crime dramas: they satisfy our wish for certainty, no matter how grim that certainty is. At the beginning of a detective story, were conscious of a crime, but we dont know who did it. By the end of the story, ithas been discovered which culprit is guilty: case closed. Thus guilt, inits popular rendering, is what converts our ignorance intoknowledge.

For a psychoanalyst, however, feelings of guilt dont necessarily have any connection tobeing guiltyin the eyes of the law.Our feelings of guilt may be a confession, but they usually precede the accusation of any crime the details ofwhich not even the guilty person can be sure.

So, while the stories we prefer may be the ones that uncover guilt, its equally possible that our own guilt is a cover story forsomething else.

Although the fall is originally a biblical story, forget religion for a moment. One can just as well recount a more recent and assuredly secular story of the fall of man. Its a story that has had countless narrators, perhaps none finer or more emphatic than the German Jewish postwar critic Theodor Adorno. Writing in the wake of the Holocaust, Adorno argued famously that whoever survives in a world that could produce Auschwitz is guilty, at least insofar as theyre still party to the same civilisation that created the conditions for Auschwitz.

Inother words, guilt is our unassailable historical condition. Its our contract as modern people. As such, says Adorno, we all have a shared responsibility after Auschwitz to be vigilant,lest we collapse once more into the ways of thinking, believing and behaving that brought down this guilty verdict upon us. To make sense after Auschwitz is to risk complicity with its barbarism.

For Adorno too, then, our knowledge renders us guilty, rather than keeping us safe. For a modern mind, this could well seem shocking. That said, perhaps the more surprising feature of Adornos representation of guilt is the idea expressed in his question whether after Auschwitz you cango on living especially whether one who escaped by accident, one who by rights should have been killed, may go on living. His mere survival calls for the coldness, the basic principle of bourgeois subjectivity, without which there couldhave been no Auschwitz; this is the drastic guilt of himwho was spared.

For Adorno, the guilt of Auschwitz belongs to all of western civilisation, but its a guilt he assumed would be felt most keenly by one who escaped by accident, one who by rights should have been killed the Jewish survivor of the second world war.

Adorno, who had left Europe for New York in early 1938, was probably attesting to his own sense of guilt. Yet his insight is one we alsoget from psychologists who worked with concentration camp survivors after the war; they found that feelings of guiltaccompanied by shame, self-condemnatory tendencies and self-accusations are experienced by the victims of the persecution and apparently much less (if at all) bythe perpetrators of it.

What can it mean if victims feel guilty and perpetrators areguilt-free? Are objective guilt (being guilty) and subjective guilt (feeling guilty) completely at odds with each other?

In the years after the war, the concept of survival guilt tended to be viewed as the byproduct of the victims identification with their aggressor. The survivor who may subsequently find it hard to forgive herself because others have diedin her place why am I still here when they are not? may also feel guilty because of what she was forced to collude withfor the sake of her survival. This need not imply any incriminating action on her part; her guilt may simply be anunconscious way of registering her past preference that others suffer instead of her.

On this basis, then, it may be possible to think of survivors guilt as a special case of the guilt we all bear when, aware or unaware, were glad when others, rather than ourselves, suffer. Obviously, thats not a pleasant feeling, but neither is ita hard one to understand. Still, there remains something deeply uncomfortable about accepting that survivors of the worst atrocities should feel any guilt for their own survival. Instead, shouldnt we be trying to save the survivor from her (in our view) mistaken feelings of guilt andthus establish, without smirch or quibble, her absolute innocence?

This understandable impulse, according to the intellectual historian Ruth Leys, saw the figure of the survivor emerge in the period after the second world war, alongside a shift in focus from the victims feelings of guilt toward an insistence on the victims innocence. This transformation, Leys argues, involved replacing the concept of guilt with its close cousin, shame.

The difference is crucial. The victim who feels guilt evidently has an inner life, with intentions and desires while the victim who feels shame seems to have had it bestowed from outside. The victims of trauma consequently appear to be the objects rather than the subjects ofhistory.

Shame, then, tells us something about what one is, not what one does or would like to do. And so the effect of this well-intentioned shift in emphasis may have been to rob the survivor of agency.

It may be tempting to assume that survival guilt is an extraordinary case, given the abject powerlessness of the victims of such traumas. But, as we will see, attempts to deny the validity of the guilt of others often have the similar effect of denying their intentions as well. Consider the case of liberal guilt, the guilt we all love to hate.

Liberal guilt has become a shorthand for describing those who feel keenly a lack of social, political and economic justice, but are not the ones who suffer thebrunt of it. According to the cultural critic Julie Ellison, it first took hold in the US in the 1990s, on the back of a post-cold-war fragmentation of theleft, and a loss of faith in the utopian politics of collective action that had characterised an earlier generation of radicals. The liberal who feels guilty has given up on the collective and recognises herself to be acting out of self-interest. Her guilt is thus a sign of the gap between what she feels for the others suffering and what she will do actively to alleviate it which isnot, it turns out, a great deal.

As such, her guilt incites much hostility in others, not least in the person who feels himself the object of the liberals guilt. This person, AKA the victim, understands only too well how seldom the pity he elicits in the guilty liberal is likely to lead toany significant structural or political changes for him.

Rather, the only power to be redirected his way is not political power, but the moral or affective power to make those more fortunate than he is feel even more guilty about the privileges they are nonetheless not inclined to give up.

But just how in control of her feelings is the guilty liberal? Not very, thinks Ellison. Since feelings arent easily confected, her guilt tends to assail her unbidden, rendering her highly performative, exhibitionist, even hysterical. In her guilt, she experiences a loss of control, although she remains conscious at all times of an audience, before whom she feels she must show how spectacularly sorry she is. Her guilt, then, is her way of acting out, marking a disturbance in the liberal who doesnt know herself quite as well as her guilt would haveher think.

The idea of guilt as aninhibiting emotion corroborates the common critique of liberal guilt: that, for all the suffering it produces, it fails completely to motivate the guilty subject tobring about meaningful political change.

But what if the liberals guilt actually has another purpose, to allow the liberal respite from the thing she may (unconsciously) feel even worse about: the lack of a fixed identity that tells her who she is, what her responsibilities are and where these come to an end.

If anything can be said to characterise the notoriously woolly liberal, guilt may be it. Liberal guilt suggests a certain class (middle), race (white) and geopolitical (developed world) situation. As such, despite the torment it brings to those who suffer it, it might, paradoxically (and, again, unconsciously), be reassuring for someone whose real neurosis is that she feels her identity is so mobile and shiftingthat she can never quite be surewhere she stands.

If this is what chiefly concerns her, then one might envisage her guilt as a feeling that tells her who she is, by virtue of telling her who she is failing to be for others. Who is the liberal? She who suffers on account of those who suffer morethan she. (I know whereof I speak.)

This may suggest why, in recent years, there has been mounting criticism of the liberals sensibilities. To her critics, the liberal really is guilty. Shes guilty of a) secretly resenting victims for how their sufferings make her feel, b) drawing attention away from them and back towards her, c) having theaudacity to make an exhibition out of her self-lacerations and d) doing practically nothing to challenge the status quo.

For critics of the guilty liberal, in other words, feeling guiltyis part of the problem, rather than the solution. And yetthis criticism is itself subject to the same accusation. Giventhat criticising someone for feeling guilty is only going to make them feel guiltier, guilt has, asweve seen, proved atricky opponent one that its various modern combatants have yetto defeat.

Once again, therefore, in the case of liberal guilt, we encounter a feeling so devilishly slippery that it repeats the problem in the course of confessing it. Because there is, of course, aform of guilt that does not inspire us to act, but prevents us from acting. This type of guilt takes the uncertainty of our relations with others (and our responsibility for others) and turns them into an object of certainty and knowledge.

But since the object in this case is our own self, we can see how liberal guilt, too, mutates guilt into a version of shame.Shame, infact, could well be a more accurate appellation for what motivates the guilty liberal in her public and private self-condemnations.

However, before we declare the liberal guilty as charged as in guilty of the wrong kind of guilt its worth reminding ourselves of the survival guilt that has likewise been viewed by many as guilt of the wrong kind. For as we observed in that case, in seeking to save the victim from her guilt, the victim becomes deprived of the very thing that might distinguish herfrom the objectifying aggression that has assailed her: asense of her own intentions and wishes, however aggressive, perverse or thwarted these might be.

For this reason, then, its vital to preserve the notion of survivors guilt (and, despite obvious differences, liberal guilt) as that which could yet return to the survivor (or the liberal) apower of agency such as must be absolutely necessary if sheis to have a future that isnt bound, by the resolving or absolving of her guilt, to repeat the past ad infinitum.

If religion often gets the blame for framing man as sinner, thesecular effort to release man from his guilt hasnt offered much relief. The Italian philosopher Giorgio Agamben suggests that subjective innocence belongs to a bygone age, the age of the tragic hero. Oedipus, for example, is someone whose objective guilt (parricide, incest) is matched by the subjective innocence of the man who acts before he knows. Today, however, says Agamben, we find the opposing situation: modern man is objectively innocent (for he has not, like Oedipus, murdered with his own hands), but subjectively guilty (he knows that his comforts and securities have been paid for by someone, somewhere, probably in blood).

By falsely promising a tabula rasa bound to his historical and intellectual emancipation, modernity may not only have failed to obliterate mans subjective guilt, but may even have exacerbated it. For what many a modern man is guilty of is less his actions than his addiction to a version of knowledge that seems to have inhibited his capacity for action. As such, the religious assignation of man as sinner a fallen, abject, endlessly compromised, but also active, effective andchangeable creature begins to look comforting bycomparison.

Such a view also shares much in common with a certain psychoanalytic conception of guilt as a blocked form of aggression or anger toward those we need and love (God, parents, guardians, whomever we depend on for our own survival). But if guilt is the feeling that typically blocks all other (buried, repressed, unconscious) feelings, that is not initself areason to block feelings of guilt. Feelings, after all, are what you must be prepared to feel if they are to move you,or if you are to feel something else.

Main illustration by A Richard Allen

Adapted from Feeling Jewish (A Book for Just About Anyone) by Devorah Baum, which will be published by Yale University Press on 19 October at 18.99. To buy it for 16.15, go to bookshop.theguardian.com or call 0330 333 6846. Free UK p&p over 10, online orders only. Phone orders min p&p of 1.99.

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