#i laughed so hard thank you anon

[lottiecrabie]

okay so I'll try to keep this short: yes, I did date a satanist back in 2021 right after I was released back into the wild after a suicide attempt in November of 2020 (it's okay, I'm fine, I regretted it the moment I did it which is good lmao). at the time I decided to embrace my hoe tendencies that I've always suppressed because I have this good girl vibe going on and to be fair, at first I thought he was just a bit edgy and punk-ish. I didn't know he was a satanist. the thought didn't even cross my mind. but yeah, I became a bit obsessed with the idea of actually getting him to like me and I shouldn't have done this but I spent like a month researching him and studying his online presence and I sort of tried to manipulate him into thinking that I was someone he wanted to date. it became a challenge to me. again I didn't know he was a satanist but I now know that he thought I was one as well because I said that one of my biggest dreams is to adopt a goat (it's true, baby goats are the cutest) and one time he said he wanted to live in an abandoned church and I was like "omg me too, crazy right" (not true) plus some jokes about rituals (again: I thought we were just being edgy and I really wanted him) but I didn't think much of it, I just wanted him to like me. then, one night, he told me he was a member of the satanic temple (and autistic) and I thought about breaking up with him (not because of the autism of course) but he had a really cute nose and mothers should make sacrifices for their (future) daughters so I stayed with him. but I had to break up w him because he was extremely into astrology and he wanted me to quit my job as biophysicist because "science is not real". (this is really long sorry)

ANYWAY

so first of all I had to show him who matty is 😭 because my psychiatrist thought he was like a character (he's in his 60s, something like that). then I showed him your masterlist while I was explaining the concept of fanfictions and then I was like "for instance, this is a series, it's not just a one shot" and I clicked on part 1 and let him scroll freely. he didn't read the whole thing for sure because he stared at it for like 2-3 minutes tops until I interrupted him to say that if he wanted the really juicy part he should check part 2. so he gave me my phone and told me to go to part 2. I summarised the dream and took him straight to the confessional but before that I showed him one of my favourite videos of Matty touching himself on the couch just to give him a mental image and then I gave him my phone again. I can't tell you how much he read but he was reading it. he asked if notes & likes were the same thing and for the sake of keeping it simple I said yes and his response was "so this is a community" due to the amount of "likes" it got 😭😭 and I said that it was in fact a community and we all come together to fantasize about this man doing unspeakable things.

this is ridiculously long, I'm so so so sorry. he didn't make any comments regarding the quality of the work. he just asked me questions about how I interpreted certain things and how I felt and blah blah blah (it's not very interesting) and then he proceeded to analyse everything 💀 needless to say that I regretted introducing him to pfms the moment he started the analysis lmao

I'll see him again next friday, if you want I can ask him if he liked it 😇 (he's kind of used to it because whenever my friends have a dilemma or something, they ask me to get his opinion even if it has nothing to do with me 💅 & I appreciate it bc I have to see him every week and I don't always have things to say. basically he's one of the girls now, he just doesn't know it lol)

omg. omg. OMG. anon what the absolute fuck this is so funny😭😭😭 this guy fully thinking you're also a satanist because you want a goat is prime comedic material!! i can't believe this. lying to get him to like you but you're just cosplaying satanism💀 THE RITUAL PART! THE FACT THAT HE TOLD YOU BUT YOU STILL STAYED FOR THE NOSE THIS IS HILARIOUS !!! science is not real part though🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️ good for you for breaking up with him

I AM GIGGLING. I CAN'T STOP PICTURING THIS 60 YEARS OLD MAN READING PRAY FOR MY SOUL. THE FACT THAT YOU SHOWED HIM VIDEOS OF MATTY SO HE COULD BEST IMAGINE WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE FHDHDSKHJSKHFS

ur psychiatrist giving you back your phone like well first analysis ur a freak🤨

omg one of the girls🫶🫶🫶 ask him what he thought 🥰

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

Y'all call him Willy Wonka?? That's wild! Over here in America where I'm definitely from we only know Wildo.

You see it is only ever real Americans like this one who send me these T_T No Lithuanians ever complain that he should be Jonas smdh

[anxious-witch]

plot twist bojan is in america to film the rapunzel live action film because he’s been casted as flynn rider

BCJXNXJXJXJC ANON I'M WHEEZING

Bojan looking at Flynn's expressions in the cartoon

[theloveinc]

househusband deku who gets a little too excited when you playfully run away from him

HOUSEHUSBAND DEKU I'M GONNA DROOOL—

But awww, unlocking old memories from his days of being a hero🥺🥺🥺 like a kitty who sees a feather on a string and immediately wants to play. You don’t even have to be all that serious about it, swiping your hips away from him, but he’s ready to bat...

which usually means a chase around the house that ends up with you sweaty, bent over and panties down on whichever surface he gets you on first👀 like a big puppy in his attraction to you ... tho be careful what u wish for

[skyloftian-nutcase]

Zelda: According to the ancient texts, the legendary hero has always appeared initially in as one of these roles; a knight, a farm hand or a blacksmith. He also usually resides in some kind of forest area, so that's where we're going to look next.

Gerudo Link: *Rolling his eyes* Going by that logic should we also check the skies as well if we're going for any hero sightings in the last... Oh I don't know, 100,000 years or so?!

.......Cut to a small village in the edge of a forgotten forest........

G!Link: You seriously think that one of your 'legendary heroes' is going to be here?

Zelda: Just shush and help me look...

Villager: *Approaches them on a chestnut mare with a white mane and tail* Are you two lost?

.....The villager is a young man around the age of the fabled hero with a sword strapped securely to his back....

G!Link: Got any heroes around here?

Villager: None who would be taken with any measure of seriousness, why?

Zelda: Aha! But there's one!

Villager: you're free to look around. Just don't cause trouble.

......The villager leaves leaving the two to look around....

G!Link: So I asked around and the villagers had some pretty interesting things to say about our friend with the horse.

Zelda: Go on...

G!Link: Well for starters he protects this village from the surrounding monsters.

Zelda: mhm...

G!Link: He works on the local ranch using his horse to help with the herding.

Zelda: mhm! Mhm!

G!Link: The sword he carries he forged himself.

Zelda: That's it! He has to be the legendary hero we're searching for!

G!Link:...the legendary hero YOU'RE searching for...

.......They approach the villager in question.....

Villager: can I he-

Zelda: *cutting him off* I do believe I have finally found one worthy of wielding the blade of evil's bane!

Villager: What are you-

Zelda: No no. There's no need to be modest about it. I've been searching for one with the hero's spirit for some time now! And out of everyone who I've encountered you fit the bill entirely!

Villager: Umm... *Looks to G!Link who offers no help*

Zelda: What's your name? Oh who am I kidding you're obviously named Link!

Villager: I'm not-

Zelda: Come, there's been enough time wasted already we must move to collect the Master Sword and awaken you to the powers that lie within the hero.

G!Link: Zelda... Maybe let the guy speak?

Zelda: Oh, right... Say your piece hero.

Villager: I don't think I'm who you're looking for...

Zelda: But you're the perfect match! A young warrior who protects the people with the spirit of courage!

Villager: What?

Zelda: Your name's Link... Is it not...?

Villager: No... My name's Daniel... If you want Link he's at the ranch.

....Zelda goes to the ranch....

Zelda: I'm here to see Link.

Ranch owner: Uhh.... Sure, he's over here.

....The ranch owner walks over to a blonde hylian boy who's brushing a goat...

Ranch hand: Well Link, you've got a visitor.

Zelda: *Rushing to the blonde* Link!? Oh this is great I knew visiting this village wasn't a complete loss.

Ranch owner: *Laughing* Your highness. The boy isn't Link.

Zelda: He... Isn't?

Ranch owner: No! Link's the goat.

Zelda: WHATT!?

....Cut to the inn....

Zelda: *wrapped up in a blanket sniffling* So far... So very far... A five day journey... FOR A GOAT!!

G!Link: you know... Link, The Goat of Legend has a nice ring to it.

Zelda: *Throws a pillow at him* Oh shut up you!

G!Link: You could always try convincing the other forest guy with the dog again.

Zelda: 🥲

-🦆

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AJFKSLJEIWOAJGKDLSAIHEOWTJFDKSAJFDLSAGKHDAS LINK'S THE GOAT I AM WHEEZING

"Link, The Goat of Legend has a nice ring to it" JFIWOAJTEKWAJFDSIOAJF I LOVE GERUDO LINK'S SASS

This is amazing XD XD XD Exactly the kind of chaos I'm looking for with these gremlins

[skeletalheartattack]

Hey do you smell something burning

[pyjamacryptid]

sorry if this is annoying and you can delete if you want could i just ask how is the bbc meerlin _ live commentary series comingg along?

Oh my gosh no I would never delete this, it made my day! <3 I love hearing that people love it and are still interested in it!!! In fact, I'm going to @ Mac and Kit because they love it too. Hey losers (affectionate) @1kitwonder @macaritaville Yeah, I haven't updated it in a loooong while, that's on me lol. We finished ages ago! It's just that yours truly got distracted/lost motivation with finishing the commentary series. But, good news, your ask prompted me to start finishing the next episode!

To tide you over until I post that, have an outtake:

[masterpost for BBC Merlin Live Commentary by Ren & Friends]

[livingproofoftbd]

i just kno quackity was the type of kid who wouldn't let you on the slide unless you said the password

and if you somehow got it right he'd say no and change it just so no one could go down

[zainmalik]

(louis and his four bald boyfriends)

all of louis' bald men fantasies come to life...

[crisistwink]

every time i see the mini version of your profile picture i think its a girl with some heavy lesbian vibes and then i remember that it's phil

phil lester: the actual king of the lesbians

[chaikachi]

Team Rwby will be back to the real world thanks to Oscar's frown opening a portal in remnant connected to the ever after's tree, crwby told me, it's canon :C

ksjlkjfl;daj;sldkjalkfhkashdfadlfj is... is this because of the frown post?

either way, you are correct and i am incorporating this into my understanding of RWBY canon. Oscar's semblance opens portals to different dimensions based solely on how hard he frowns. When he is sad enough, his frown turns into a circle and bam. Portal door. Clearly, this will happen because he is just so sad that Ruby is gone. 😔

[petrichormeraki]

I would like to thank Kristin and Lizzie for answering the question of what a British Minecrafter's wife thinks about his video game husbands.

Thank you wives of straight white men that act very a little homoromantic (as a treat) in block game for encouraging this behavior, they are the backbones of this fandom

[ghost-of-you]

For everyone saying they’ve “seen this film before” about the 5sos break, like, why not make a Heartache on the Big Screen reference? Commit to the bit at least

PREACH KSPAMAPSKAPAKPAKAPA

People if y'all gonna be dramatic, y'all need to be here going all: THIS AINT A MOVIE THAT I WANNA SEE or THIS ONE IS A REPEAT SEE IT BEFORE

I am making the rules, this is the only acceptable way to go about this.

[ssreeder]

Seeing you interact with Hella1975 or seeing her interact with you is very silly to me because in my head you both are like really popular humble niche internet celebrities for the same reason but also completely separated from each other so the idea of y’all knowing about each others existence is like the most insane crossover ever.

@hella1975 is an internet celebrity

I’m some random person with an iPad.

We are not the same… but i am honored to know her!! She is awesome & one of the nicest people I’ve interacted with so it’s really cool to have any kind of insane crossover with her!

*waves*

HI HELLA

YOU’RE AMAZING & I SWEAR IM GOING TO READ TAMS SOON AND ITS GOING TO CHANGE MY LIFE AHHHHH IM SCARED AND EXCITED!!!!! I’ll yell at you kindly the moment I do

[skeletalheartattack]

REALLY LOUD POUNDING ON THE DOOR* AAAAAH AHHH HOLY SHIT HELP!!!!! HELP MEEEEEE!!!!!! NOT A TRICK OR TREAT, I NEED ALL OF YOUR CURRENT ANCIENT RELICS AND / OR ITEMS OF MASS POWER!!! PLEASE ANY OF THEM WILL DO, A CHAOS EMERALD, A DRAGON BALL, A REALLY FUCKED UP WIZARD DOO-HICKEY. PLEASE HOLY SHIT IM RUNNING OUT OF TIME!!!!!!!!!!! *distant gunshot* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

you people are absolutely fucked. fine. whatever. take the one star dragon ball. i didn't even want it anyway. not like i wouldve wanted to wish for anything. shit. man. i'm buying candy next year.

[j0kers-light]

Y/n: I like Joker, any thoughts?

Frost: And prayers, you'll need them.

Ahahaha!!! Yes anon!!! 🖤✨

I know Frost be praying for Y/n heavy 🤣 he see her skipping over to Joker and instinctively.

Mac catches Frost and asks. “I didn’t know you were religious Frost.”

“It ain’t for me. Y/n needs all the help she can get.” He sighs.