#i like writing meta with a jumping-off point

[suffersinfandom]

A Summary of The OFMD Meta (Part II)

This is part two of an incomplete summary of A Meta-Discussion Of The Subtext by meratrishoslee (Mera) on AO3 (linked to, as the author requests). I’m trying to stay impartial and keep all of the important bits in.

This chunk includes chapters nine through fourteen, which is mostly an analysis of the entire show (stopping at the end of S2E7 because the chapters on the finale are massive, lol). The overarching thesis of this bit is this: “Ed’s the face, head/mind and body of Blackbeard, Izzy is Blackbeard’s heart/soul -- as well as the heart of the show itself.”

Other posts Part I

Chapter 9: Either Madness or Brilliance

This chapter is a screenshot-heavy analysis of OFMD season one “as seen through the lens of ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl,’ with specific emphasis on what this means for Izzy Hands and his character arc.”

Izzy is compared most directly to Captain Jack Sparrow. “He often tells the truth but no one listens or believes him, because at first he seems more than a bit ridiculous. [...] But he still saves people anyway, even people he doesn’t know; that’s part of how we know he’s a good guy deep down even when he seems like a bad guy at times.” He is “the Betrayed Pirate, because, as we find out later, his crew betrayed him because they wanted something gold and shiny more than they wanted him.”

Ed is primarily compared to both Will Turner “the Tragic Young Man”)  and Captain Barbossa (“the Bearded Pirate”). Stede is, of course, Elizabeth Swan (“the fancy protagonist”). 

“...While our Tragic Young Man does have some (considers, then shrugs) chemistry with our fancy protagonist… the drift compatibility he has with the Betrayed Pirate is just off the charts. Sometimes they act like two parts of the same body... and the Tragic Young Man does have a habit on several occasions of throwing himself between a physical threat and a person he cares about.” 

Chapter 10: The Hidden Heart

“Ed’s the face, head/mind and body of Blackbeard, Izzy is Blackbeard’s heart/soul. How do we know? Because when Izzy moves, the plot moves. When Izzy leaves, the plot stagnates or outright stalls dead. And Edward makes a fair amount of effort to keep track of Izzy, both to keep him safe and under Edward’s control.”

The chapter is an episode-by-episode walkthrough of season one with proof of Izzy-as-the-heart. Basically: everything is horny, Izzy is emotion-driven (although he hides it well, as one must when living a life filled with so much violence and abuse), and OFMD is Izzy (the heart) becoming more emotionally intelligent. 

At the end of S1E4: “Ed’s just proven he doesn’t need Izzy – either to participate in his plans, or to love him. He could have let him go, right? He had Stede now. The mind has lied to its heart, convinced it to stay and keep loving and giving all this while – because it’s required to pump the blood of the myth called Blackbeard, and move the plot of the show called Our Flag Means Death.”

Ed opens his jacket for Stede (in a way he never does around Izzy) and tells him to stab him. Izzy thinks that Ed is betraying him by having sex with Stede (or by having subtextual sex with Stede). He’s wounded and angry, and that kickstarts the rest of the season. 

“Why can’t/don’t Izzy and Edward fuck, textually or subtextually? Why is all the tension and longing so one sided – and if Edward’s so bothered/disgusted by Izzy’s longing for him (as some other meta writers out there on the internet have attempted to suggest with varying degrees of success), why does he permit the relationship to continue at all -- and even work to keep Izzy near him despite his attempts to leave? Well, that’s coming up in a later meta. (Hint: it's HIV/AIDS related bed death.) But it’s certainly part of the unnatural, forceful separation between the head and the heart.”

In S1E6: As Blackbeard’s heart, Izzy can’t actually kill Stede in the duel. “But he’s not admitting that defeat to himself yet so he has to go through the entire pantomime of the fight.”

“On one level, the textual level, Izzy’s trying to drive Stede from the ship and out of Edward’s life. On another subtextual level, however: the heart’s moving through the return advances of the mutual seduction way faster than the head is ready to do.”

Izzy is banished from the boat. “...If Edward had just had the capability to be honest with Izzy from the very start, they might have avoided most of the tragedy. Because really? An overwhelming amount of the things Izzy says aloud to Edward can be subtextually read as: I am trying to get you dicked down how you need to be, even if I’m not the one who can do it for or to you.” 

We don’t move the plot along much in S1E7. Izzy’s gone, and the story can’t progress without him.

In S1E8, Calico Jack “is the thrown dagger that strikes the most true, and goes the farthest toward separating Ed and Stede. Forward momentum, healing, and growth all come to a dead stop here as Calico Jack does emotional manipulation on a level that Izzy could only aspire to at this stage in his evolution.” Izzy sends Jack as “a poisoned love letter” doing what it can to keep Ed safe.

On Ed and Stede’s kiss: “It’s an adolescent kiss, chaste and closed-mouthed and awkward – it’s not an erotic kiss in the slightest. Whereas everything (yearning glances, poses, swordplay, etc) with Izzy is frankly erotic as fuck and I don’t think we can blame that just on Con being Con…”

After his return to the ship, Ed doesn’t want to be Blackbeard anymore. Izzy is terrified, and he “[channels] all the fear into anger to use as a weapon to bring the mind back into compliance for the sake of their shared survival.” Getting Ed back to Blackbeard is a matter of keeping both of them AND the crew alive.

Ed doesn’t have his bare hands on Izzy when he’s choking him, but “Izzy does place his bare left hand onto Edward’s bare right as he’s being choked which, if I’m correct about the HIV/AIDS coding for him (and I’m confident in the evidence I’ll bring in the eventual extended meta conversation about it) is its own understated threat in return: what’s in me could kill you, too.”

“I’ll conclude for the moment with this: after so many rewatchings of the show, Edward flinging himself backward like a scalded cat feels excessive. It’s disgust at the mingled lust and joy and affection on Izzy’s face in the moment – and it’s so much more than that.”

More meta on Ed’s attitude towards Izzy in this scene:

Ed shifts back and forth on his feet, stepping in the tiniest little amount again. [...] why would Edward do that if he's actually afraid of Izzy?  Taika's a good enough actor to have chosen to flinch away instead, to reinforce the dialogue and textual energy of the scene. When the body language doesn't match the dialogue, it's a sign that the subtext is increasingly relevant. But Taika doesn't flinch away at all during the rest of this scene.  None of his body language serves up ‘terror’ to me -- all of it, when viewed with the knowledge of S2 and the lens of Izzy as HIV/AIDS-coded, serves up grief and loss.

Look at Edward's face. Look at the tears rising up in his own eyes. It’s not because precious little meow meow princess sweet as a peach Ed Teach is actually scared of Izzy, his own first mate for who knows how many years. We've seen Izzy angry at Ed in scenes before and if anything, Ed's been perplexed or even amused by it. 

(Total sidenote: there’s a difference between letting Edward get to be soft and gentle and vulnerable and display a range of emotions and enjoy fine things and feel tenderness and love… and completely woobifying/infantilizing a fully adult character capable of making his own choices, who happens to also be a man of color. Because frankly that second option comes across as more than a little gross to me. I hope that my writing always knows the difference and stays on the correct side, because I work to try to make sure that doesn’t happen.)

Continuing on: “We see Izzy as his “gaze travels all over Edward's face in a last caress of longing, back and forth between his lips and eyes at that close distance. Then Izzy leaves the scene immediately, before anything else can happen. Even the things he might want – especially the things he wants. Because he can’t ever let them happen, in order to keep Edward safe.”

The crew begins to chant (“it sounds almost like a heartbeat”). Ed reverting to the Kraken persona “is due to not one but two open romantic griefs and losses in close proximity,” and “the mind of Blackbeard moves on to protect itself, as it always has. Not from some fear of the crew now as I’ve seen in various lukewarm takes online… but from the possibility of ever being vulnerable again.”

Ed throws Lucius overboard. “Next he goes to hobble the dark heart, to maim and lame it, to keep it obedient and subservient again through terror and pain. He can’t kill or discard it entirely, because its emotions and bloodflow powers both Blackbeard himself and the plot of OFMD… but he can make it pay for its transgressions against him. And he certainly does… gloved in leather to protect himself from Izzy’s blood and flesh, in a scene that is overflowing with brutality couched in sexual framing.”

Jim (the killer) and Frenchie (the mender) are both mirrors of Izzy in some way.

Chapter 11: The Sacred Heart (Part 1)

“...In OFMD Season 2, Blackbeard’s heart is undergoing incredible growth and maturity through the application of terror and agonizing adversity – and by the end of it is bared and shining as the Sacred Heart of the show.”

When Izzy is the “hidden heart” in season one, he hides his pain (and a lot of people miss that said pain exists at all). “Only Izzy’s rage and jealousy is in the text; some emotional intelligence and/or sufficient media literacy to permit one to parse the show’s subtext on some level is required to understand the rest of his motivations. The lion’s share of this heart’s love that we can understand is on laser-beam narrow focus: Edward Teach, and the two-part entity of Blackbeard that this pair creates between them.”

In season two, “the Sacred Heart’s pain and fear are centered from nearly the first moment we see him in private; they overflow his previously immaculate control and are expressed almost entirely against his will. But because he’s expressing his emotions and more and more overtly protecting/shielding the crew from Blackbeard’s increasingly unhinged mind as well as all other lesser threats, his love for the crew is more obvious moment by moment also.”

Additionally, “Izzy’s rampant lust from the first season is dampened as well due to his wounds (loss of a foot/leg is often intended as symbolic loss of the genitals) so his expressions of affection to the crew are almost entirely platonic/agape love [...]. The final result is an opening of Blackbeard’s heart to the entire crew, where it accepts them all and is accepted by them in return.”

In Stede’s dream, Stede gives Izzy “a non-consensual stabbing.” He and Ed are reunited, but nothing too amorous can happen because “if the heart of the story is dead, there can be no blood pumping, no erections, and the head/mind itself will eventually die also. The bottom line is there’ll be no sexy stuff happening without it.”

In the wedding party fight, Izzy is shown placing himself between Jim and Frenchie and Ed -- protecting them from Ed. Izzy’s entire purpose without Blackbeard is protecting the crew.

Izzy is upset when Ed threatens to fire Izzy: “Izzy knows that his current position to Edward is one of scapegoat and punching bag. He’s blamed for anything that goes wrong, whether or not it’s truly in his power to prevent or fix it – and the price for every failure is another body part removed and most likely force-fed to him. If he’s not there to take that abuse… someone else will just have to take it instead.” Again, he’s protecting the crew.

Jim tells Izzy that his relationship with Ed is toxic, “and they’re right on a textual level (he’s abusing you) as well as a subtextual level: it’s often not healthy for two people to remain bound so closely into one entity (a two-part creature known as Blackbeard) but especially when one side of it has become entirely toxic and is regularly maiming the other.”

When the crew comfort Izzy, no one touches his bare skin.

Izzy returns to Ed, delivers the crew’s response, and asks Ed what Izzy is to him. “Almost every single line Izzy has in Season 2 is overflowing with subtext and this one is no different.The surface meaning is: what are we? What is our relationship? What do you truly want from me? The subtextual meaning is: have you forgotten I'm Blackbeard's heart? Have you forgotten that to kill me is to kill yourself? Don’t you understand that you do to me what you don’t have the courage to do to yourself: you kill me one inch at a time? You’re trying to make me stop loving you [...] and I can’t, because it’s a heart’s purpose to love.”

Izzy is afflicted with love. He is “quiet and sincere and utterly chaste,” until accidentally invoking Stede. Ed storms above deck and Izzy tries to rein him in.

Before he mentions Stede, Izzy is certain he’s going to die for speaking the truth, “because Blackbeard’s heart has always been the first to admit out loud what Blackbeard is feeling, long before his head will actually be brave enough to speak it.”

With Izzy out of commission, Frenchie is Ed’s next “victim.”

Jim gives Izzy one of his few skin-to-skin touches, and it’s to silence him when he’s screaming at them to kill him. Very tragic. It’s also Jim who tells Archie that Izzy is “their dick” (or their heart, since a functional heart is required for a functional dick). 

Importantly, “Jim’s also an Izzy mirror, may I remind you: Jim initially didn’t want to truly join the crew either, and had something of a minor battle to be accepted for who they were.”

Ed discovers Izzy: “He strolls in slowly, standing over an unconscious and completely vulnerable Izzy Hands – and gazes down at him for a moment before the scene ends. OOooh that had my heart pounding in terror and fury on first watch!” 

When Ed talks to Izzy, he’s looking directly at him (as he so rarely does). He tells Izzy that he dreamed he killed him “(When we talk about death, it’s sex. When we talk about sex, it’s death)”. Ed gives Izzy the gun.

“Parse Izzy’s expression here: that’s longing. That’s a man on his death bed looking at the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen in his life, that he thought he’d never get see again. So much so that, just before the shot cuts away, his eyes light up and he begins to smile sweetly. What is Izzy seeing? [...] Full on direct eye-contact with a fuck-me stare and the muzzle of the pistol hovering at lip level.”

In short, it’s a very horny scene.

“If Izzy’s not willing to let him die by giving a subtextual blowjob… Ed’s going to offer something else. He’s gonna let Izzy take him from behind.” But Izzy ultimately refuses after struggling with the power he has been granted over Ed.

Izzy tells Ed that he’s tired of cleaning up after him. “Side-note: I’ve seen some lukewarm takes in various spots on the internet that mean old Izzy was overstating his labor on Ed’s behalf, and I just want to remind everyone that at this point we have seen precious doe-eyed meow meow princess Edward only make even the most token of efforts to clean up his own mess exactly twice…”

Ed leaves Izzy with the pistol and the understanding that Izzy (the heart) will kill himself. Ed hears the gun fire and, thinking his heart is dead, he can admit the truth: that he loved Izzy the best he could. “Body language on the second half of that statement [best I could] suggests to me he knows he’s lying or minimizing, although I can’t pinpoint enough of the ‘why’ consciously to screencap it. He tosses it off as if it doesn’t matter, and that I can understand – in this moment, he’s only lying to himself.”

On to Ed’s final suicide attempt. Why does he tell Jim and Archie to fight to the death if he plans on killing them all anyway? “I think he is impelled to, by his current personal fixation. I think right now the mind of Blackbeard can’t see love without obsessing about destroying it. He carved off bits of his own loving heart one chunk at a time, because of it. Now that he’s been shown Jim and Archie have developing feelings for each other on his ship of death, he has to take the moment to destroy them first… Even when it gives his heart the chance to drag itself out of the pit of the grave and finish its sacrifice to stop him.”

Izzy returns during the reprise of Run From Me, “specifically the soaring siren vocals and bolero heartbeat pulse of its bridge and outro: the loyal heart is still pounding, still pumping blood to the rest of Blackbeard and the plot.”

The crew take Ed down “and Izzy, knowing what must be done to save the crew, making this final personal sacrifice on their behalf, stands by and lets them kill Blackbeard’s brain.”

Stede finds and boards the Revenge to find the crew eating a dead bird and “better than they had been under Ed’s reign of terror, but not anything close to their best.”

And then soup. “Now on the deck of the Red Flag, Izzy’s crew gets to have their soup. Notably, neither Izzy nor Lucius have any soup – yet everyone else did, even eventually Ed while down in the gravy basket, served up to him by his own former captain. So, subtextually, the bright heart and the dark heart of the show have not allowed themselves to be fed and warmed and comforted.”

When Stede starts to ask questions, Izzy responds with hostility in a bid to get Stede to focus his ire on him, once again protecting the crew. 

Stede asks who stabbed up his portrait and Izzy lies. Why? Because “the tender heart protects the head too, even though it’s currently beyond being hurt. Izzy’s protecting Edward’s legacy and the memories he leaves behind in Stede: this is Izzy as Ed’s scapegoat/Sin Eater, taking Edward’s sins on his own back to leave Ed utterly blameless in Stede’s mind as much as possible.”

Izzy continues to antagonize Stede to keep Stede focused on him. He’s eventually reduced to honesty and tells Stede that Ed tortured the crew (“the pain and suffering of the crew is the highest crime in Izzy’s mind”).

With the “doggy heaven” line, Stede reveals how close he was to Ed, and “that Stede heard every bit of this betrayal and forgave it, and continued on with love for Edward – to the point of dueling Izzy, to the point of fighting to stay with him despite Calico Jack’s manipulations, and everything that arrived afterward.” He realizes Stede might love Ed as much as Izzy does.

Izzy said he could never do that. “Con chooses to shut his eyes during this terribly tender, utterly vulnerable admission. Izzy can’t bring himself look at Stede, even merely the side of Stede’s face that is currently presented most toward him, while he bares so much of his soul.”

Why does he lie? Izzy won’t betray the crew by confessing, and he wants to buy them time to get away from Zheng Yi Sao. “There’s a third possible purpose: that it’s soothing to Stede. It’s a sweet little lie, and it lets him have a little hope for a while. In fact, if Izzy can be clever and discreet while dealing with Edward’s burial, Stede might get to spend the rest of his life chasing the fantasy that Ed’s still out there somewhere… and it’s possible to live your whole life loving a dream you will never touch again.”

When the crew is imprisoned after Ed’s body is discovered, Frenchie sits on Izzy’s left (the side of the hand with no glove). “In a more general way, Izzy’s positioned himself to block the cell door. Anything that tries to come through it will have to come through him first. Additionally, he’s switched the side his crutch is on; it’s not at his left hand to be used to support himself but at his right hand to be a bludgeoning weapon.”

Stede comes down and Izzy immediately speaks, “establishing himself as the target of blame.” Izzy insists that he is the one who’s responsible for Ed’s death, and he’s willing to be Stede’s scapegoat as well.

“And last… on some intrinsic level, Izzy Hands feels like all of this horror and pain is exactly what he deserves, from start to finish – the lack of love and affectionate touch, the physical and pseudosexual abuse, the agony on all levels of existence, even a final ignominious death itself as a traitor: give me your worst.”

Stede leaves. “We get a shot of Izzy shaking his head just the tiniest amount, and tears standing unshed in his eyes. He still doesn’t have Bonnet engaging how Izzy thinks he’s should – or rather, has been primed by months of enduring abuse to expect. Without a focus to Stede’s grief and anger firmly on himself, how can Izzy ensure he can adequately protect the rest of his family?”

“To stare deeply into Izzy’s gloriously beautiful pyrrhic self-sacrifice is to be able to look fully and directly at my own, reflected.”

After the escape attempt, Stede denies Izzy any gratitude for his apology. 

Chapter 12: The Sacred Heart (Part 2)

Izzy as heart continues and the analysis moves on S2E4. He is isolated and drinking, undoubtedly trying to numb the agonizing pain from his recently-amputated leg, ill-fitting prosthetic, and all of the additional bodily pain that would create. Mera suggests that, “if [they’re] right about Izzy being HIV/AIDS coded, [...] there’s every possibility that the extensive stress on his body from everything he’s endured lately (culminating in an amputated limb and a suicide attempt that at least rattled his cranium) has him experiencing an overall nerve pain called neuropathy.”

We can also infer that Izzy has “a lot of complex emotions about Edward’s return, no matter how necessary it is to the shared being of Blackbeard. If love could bring him back from the dead… why didn’t Izzy’s love manage it? Now that he’s returned from the dead… will the horrors resume? Stede and Edward have each other again… and Izzy’s on the outside once more, but now permanently damaged. Who would want him now?”

Stede comes by and does his best to be kind to Izzy, and “Izzy – suffering, isolated, terrified for a number of reasons once more, and drunk as a skunk… is asked to provide the deadlock-breaking vote on whether or not Ed should be banished.”

Izzy remains physically closed off to Stede. He’s vulnerable, and he associates captains with pain. When Stede says, “You’ve already murdered him once, seems like a pretty good payback,” Izzy visibly flinches. He’s glad that the blame is still entirely on him, but he’s still hurt. Izzy says that the rotten leg must come off, because:

Everything for Izzy right now is related to his maiming… and Edward’s toxicity was the rot that was eating the crew before Stede returned. 

If Ed can be removed from the ship, a few of the worst fears in Izzy’s life will be remedied: Stede most likely won’t hurt the crew the way Edward did; Stede most likely won’t hurt Izzy the way Edward did; Edward won’t be there to hurt the crew or Izzy; and, last but not least, Izzy won’t have to watch Stede and Edward fall in love all over again – this time as a changed, maimed, damaged, and (in his own mind, at least) defective man who is now unable to leave under his own power…

Izzy is offscreen for a bit, but it’s important to note that Lucius gets hit in the head with a sandwich, much like Izzy did in season one.

“The very first time we see Izzy after Edward’s banishment… and now it’s HIS vest that’s fully undone, his collar that’s unbuttoned, and his cravat and ring loosened from its usual high, tight position on his throat. Both of these men have been armoring against each other.”

Izzy saws the legs off of the headless unicorn. “Hurting people often hurt other people… and yet, our Sacred Heart has only taken out his pain on the unfeeling, inanimate object of the figurehead.” Truly a selfless hero. “Again, everything right now is reflecting back in Izzy’s mind to his own maiming: a figurehead is supposed to protect the crew. It failed to protect the crew, therefore it didn’t do its job. The price of not doing one’s job is the loss of limbs.”

Izzy’s prosthetic fails and the rest of the crew watch him with “horror and concern,” and “they move as one unit at last, immediately to try to surround Izzy and help him back up,” but he resists and crawls away. “This is disturbing, and it’s meant to be. This is heart-wrenching, and it’s meant to be. It’s the lowest point of the Sacred Heart – to be alone in all it suffers – and the blatant evidence of that pain and sacrifice is what draws the crew together in union again.”

In the next Izzy scene, he’s drinking alone in his bed. “Now that the unicorn figurehead shares his maiming and has been ‘punished’ for not doing its job, there’s only one entity left on board that he can still permit himself to harm, to vent the poison and rot festering inside his soul.” That person? Izzy’s reflection. 

“While Edward took his own pain out on anything that’d hold still long enough (mostly Izzy)… the karmic buck stops with Izzy Hands. He knows he’s wounded and toxic; he’s isolating to keep that toxicity from harming his family. [...] Izzy has seen the process of other people distributing their own damage to innocent new victims, just passing it on down the line; he has experienced it directly. He has decided he will have none of it himself. Izzy is resolved that it ends with him.”

The crew leave their gift at Izzy’s door and the attached note makes him weep. “His sobs are powerful enough that they continue to shake his whole body even as he draws himself upright again.” He calls them “cocksuckers, but “this response is intended to be subtextually read as a positive thing, indicating how touched Izzy truly is by the gesture.”

In Izzy’s next scene, he’s at the foredeck alone with his new leg. He pulls out the note and “the soundtrack sings: this world isn’t big enough to keep me away from you… from you… The song is right on two levels; even now, Blackbeard’s mind is returning to Blackbeard’s heart, courtesy of Stede… and Izzy will not ever be parted from the love of the crew.” Izzy allows himself a smile and a seagull (Buttons) goes by.

Buttons is a mirror to both Ed and Izzy. He’s weird, he has long hair, Ed wears his birdshit-covered jacket, the full moon is important to him, he’s a skilled first mate, “his mouth can be pretty poisonous, and his bites will leave permanent wounds,” and he changes a lot during the show. “Bottom line: if Ed and Izzy are two bodies that comprise one entity (Blackbeard)… Then Buttons is two entities (the Moon and the Sea)... that are united to some extent in one body.”

The Moon and the Sea change in regular and predictable ways; the Moon affects the Sea (tides), but the Sea doesn’t have the same power over the Moon. “The Sea is also the original source of all life here on Earth. The Moon is bright and remote and beautiful and sterile. It has a light side that’s always turned toward Earth due to its rotation and revolution matching up, and a dark side that we don’t often get to see (without some serious effort).” The Sea is barely explored (subtext) and the Moon is known (text). 

Before Buttons turns into a bird, he tells Ed, To love the sea as she must be loved… requires change. “To love Izzy in the way that Izzy must be loved… Edward will also have to change. He’s been given his directive. We don’t see it completed during Season 2, nor will I speculate how this will manifest in Season 3. What I will say is that this show has been and remains fantastic about showing the many different and equally valid forms that love can take, and I am excited for anything that results in Izzy Hands being truly loved.”

The next episode opens on Ed’s apology. His victims are there, and Izzy? “He is off to the side and not having to deal with Edward face-on. His bare and deadly left hand is toward the captains, with its threat that continues subtextually but has never yet textually been explained.” He’s ready to defend the crew from Ed if needed. 

Ed delivers his “weasel-word non-apology.” It’s no good, but “the queer writers room as well as Taika himself with his specific cultural heritage are absolutely aware of how this comes off – superficial, insincere, and absolutely infuriating – and it’s intended to come off that way. It’s fucky on purpose, and not ‘bAd wRiTiNg.’”

Izzy seems calm, but he’s clearly not buying Ed’s apology. The blocking puts Olu in a protective position in front of Izzy, and “Frenchie and Lucius [are] getting to carry a lot of Izzy’s emotions here: Frenchie [by] being entirely unconvinced/checked out and Lucius [by] being overtly acrimonious by giving the finger.”

Lucius asks Izzy if he’s fine with it (the apology); this is the first time anyone has ever asked Izzy how he feels about something. There’s some ridiculous sexual tension and Izzy, “relaxed, open and almost entirely at ease,” graces Lucius with a nickname. “In the universe of OFMD this [the cigarette thing] is definitely an oral exchange. It’s at the very least a kiss by proxy but an argument could even be made that it's even something subtextually as significant as a blowjob…”

In the next Izzy scene, he’s shirtless and training with Stede’s good candles. His breathing is labored. Why? “Previous exertion, dealing with residual pain from his new and improved prosthetic, psyching himself up and/or oxygenating his blood for the strike he’s about to make, possibly a level of arousal from the pseudosexual nature of ‘swordplay’ in this universe – subtextually, he’s half-undressed and dancing with his own ‘saber’ in the dark with some candles around for some nice ambiance…”

A behind-the-scenes still shows Izzy’s back covered in scars. (“A few people elsewhere on the internets have mentioned how Izzy’s back looks like that… and yet Edward’s back is clean enough for a full back-tat and… I’ve got feelings about that also. Gotta wonder how that happened. Gotta wonder why.”) Mera says it’s a subtextual allusion to Jesus -- Jesus who was flogged, as opposed to Judas, who was hanged.

Stede enters and cleverly addresses Ed as “Blackbeard,” in keeping with Izzy’s preferences. Stede tells Izzy that Ed claims Izzy taught him everything he knows, which Mera is “about 75-80% sure” is a lie. Stede is trying to be encouraging and provide positive feedback. 

We move on to the training montage. “Izzy’s sardonic and still a bit brutal while attempting to teach fighting, rope-swinging, and target shooting… but never is he directly insulting or says anything like ‘you’ll never get it.’ He’s letting pain be a teacher to Stede also: don’t stop and ask questions, just hit. When you try to swing on a rope the wrong way, it’ll burn your hands. And when Stede’s missed shot brings a sail down, there’s no screaming insults, no degradation. Izzy’s being remarkably patient here.”

The training turns into discussion, with “Blackbeard’s Sacred Heart really starting to open up to Stede, both textually and subtextually: it’s quite a romantic heart, underneath all the leather and scars. The will to be contrary about this whole weird tangled emotional mess is starting to subside.” 

The crew lines up at the rail to inspect the ship they’ve sighted. The blocking is, as ever, important; Izzy stays “as close as possible to the least experienced member of the raid: Stede Bonnet.” He “also put himself between Frenchie and whatever might be aboard waiting to meet them.”

Lucius approaches Izzy while he’s whittling on the deck. Throughout the conversation, “Izzy’s so gentle in tone and expression, as calm as a bodhisattva; he never looks away from Lucius during any difficult moment. There's no flinch to tell us that he's still in any emotional pain.” 

Izzy claims that a shark took his leg; Ed has a shark tattoo on one arm. He smiles and says, “Served me right, too.” “This is Izzy again as Edward’s Sin Eater: he can put that pain and blame somewhere else, somewhere that it won’t weigh on Ed’s soul, and he does. It’s in the carving. (Its also a silent expression of his pain to match the prophecy referenced during the same relative timing beat/scene in The Last Temptation: ‘He has borne our faults; he was wounded for our transgressions -- yet he opened not his mouth.’)”

Izzy gives Lucius the shark he has been carving. “Izzy put his pain and trauma into the chunk of wood and worked at it for the entire duration of the episode when, for comparison, we don’t see Black Pete in S1 spend any time carving Lucius’s new finger. We’re given the visual textual signs that Izzy’s putting a lot of care and effort into this creation.”

During the red suit fiasco, Izzy is seen hanging out in Stede’s quarters. He’s relaxed and casual; he’s at ease with Stede. 

Stede gathers the crew to put an end to the red suit situation. Izzy is behind, watching; “he feels absolutely no need whatsoever to be close to the front to interpose his body between the captain and the crew protectively. He knows that Stede won’t be violent with them at all.” Izzy is also in Stede’s eyeline so he can offer guidance.

Chapter 13: The Sacred Heart (Part 3)

The next episode is Calypso’s Birthday. “This episode has been called Izzy's swan song, and respectfully I'd like to disagree.  This is when we see the Sacred Heart of OFMD most triumphant, most open, most freed, and most overtly/directly loving and loved in return.”

Ed is seen scanning the horizon and thinking about all of the awful things he’s done, beginning with his father’s death. (“Wow. Izzy shows up in there a lot. Like, disproportionately much.”) Izzy approaches, bottle in hand, immaculately dressed and styled but clearly a little drunk. Ed keeps his back to Izzy. “I think he’s staying turned away partially out of shame but also in an attempt to help Izzy feel safer during this interaction.”

Izzy absolutely didn’t mistake Ed for Roach; he’s not that drunk. He’s holding the bottle in his gloved right hand with his left closer to Ed. This is important because “as much as possible Izzy will keep his right side toward whoever he’s speaking with: it’s safer for them and also lets him access his sword easiest. So [...] right now Izzy’s walked up and chosen where to stand for this interaction: with his death-marked left hand toward Edward, empty of the bottle he’s carrying and still dangerous.” Ed trusts Izzy not to kill him; Izzy is still uneasy.

A new angle. Ed and Izzy, “the estranged partners,” are closer than they’ve been in five episodes. When Izzy calls Ed a “mopey twat,” his tone holds “mild animosity.” This is the closest he’s gotten to provoking Ed since season one.

Ed takes the bottle from Izzy (with his ungloved right hand) and drinks. Izzy is out of frame. “...For me, subtextually, it feels as if that removal of the conversational partner is intended to entirely visually replace Izzy Hands with his proxy. He’s no longer a person, for the duration of these frames: he’s the bottle itself, held in Edward’s bare grip.” It’s significant that Ed’s lips touch a place Izzy’s just were without disgust or hesitation. It’s sensual: “Ed’s taken a kiss for himself from Izzy’s bottle – and Izzy, his eyes shining with tears, fully knows it.”

Ed is yearning. Izzy is yearning, but “then does what he does with all big emotions: covers them up and vents them safely with an expletive. [...] But he carries Edward’s return kiss to his own mouth nonetheless: love you, too.” “Why is Edward willing to do something (trade saliva, even by proxy) with Izzy that Lucius reacted so strongly and negatively about, less than a full episode ago?” There was a point where we didn’t really know how HIV/AIDS spread. “Edward knows the rules about Izzy’s disease/curse. Edward knows how to stay safe; they’ve gone however long this separation has lasted without Ed ever catching it or dying from it.”

We next see Izzy when he approaches Wee John, applying makeup for his Calypso look. Izzy gives the makeup setup a “hungry,” longing look. 

Izzy sings at the party. When it starts he’s not entirely at ease, as evidenced by “the stiff body language and uncomfortable rigor of Izzy’s arms out from his sides, the shy and downcast gaze trying not to look at anyone just in case someone’s laughing at him.” His look included red, gold, and wavy lines, all evoking Sacred Heart imagery. 

“When he finally looks up, Izzy glances over at Edward, who does not look at all surprised to hear Izzy’s marvelous voice – and, if you want to hurt yourself today as some of us sometimes do, you can wonder how many years it's been since Edward heard it last.”

Izzy snuggles up to Wee John at the party. “Izzy’s got his right gloved hand under his left palm; he’s pressing both hands into John’s wrist but the glove’s between the naked left hand and John’s skin, keeping them separate. I think the depth of shadow under his fingers indicates they’re not making contact either.”

At the song’s climax, Izzy is off-centered in frame. Why, Mera asks, “would you put one of your three main characters so fucking off-center?” Look for the subtext. “We see Izzy’s deadly, death-marked ungloved left hand leave the shot early on… and stays out as he holds the rest of the note, as if it doesn’t belong in the same visual realm as the rest of Izzy's entire body and the concept of ‘love’. As of these last few paragraphs, I’m no longer questioning myself on the concept that Izzy's HIV-coding was completely intentional. I know for sure I’m crazy… but now I'm also 100% certain I’m not wrong.”

A cannon goes off. There’s been meta written about how “Ed always jumps in front of Stede during physical threats and Stede always destroys people who hurt Edward emotionally, which reminded me that Izzy has always been the third and quieter option: ‘figure out where the threat's going to be, put my body between it and the people I love, and always be ready to kill it -- no matter who or what the threat is.’”

After Lowe is dealt with, we see the whole crew, with “the Sacred Heart front and center, right hand toward his captains, death-marked left hand toward the threat [Ed], Frenchie and (further back) Lucius tucked safely behind him.” This pose is also very Last Supper. 

Izzy sings a reprise in French. “He’s singing to the people he loves in French, which for cinema’s purposes is the language of love. I know that we have the Doylist reason for two versions of this song because Con was originally concerned he wouldn’t be able to learn the French version well enough to do it justice… but I also think it added something from the Watsonian side: this is a deeper expression of the love he displayed before.”

Elsewhere, “with his heart returned, emotionally reunited with him, and vigorously expressing the love inside it at last… Blackbeard’s head finally finds the rest of its two-part body willing and able to accommodate his new lover.” Stede and Ed kiss directly -- a mirror of Ed’s indirect kiss with Izzy earlier in the episode.

“...It’s Izzy and his singing that takes us through the credits and claims the episode almost entirely for the Sacred Heart – and at the end his family joins in with him, raucous but affectionate and wholly good-natured. Then after they’ve cheered and applauded, midway through the credits [...] the crew chants “One more song! One more song!” Izzy cheerfully answers “I’ve got one more song!” to general acclaim. … But we haven’t yet heard it during Season 2. Food for thought.”

Chapter 14: The Sacred Heart (Part 4)

“In this episode [S2E7], we will get to see Izzy as the show's Sacred Heart evince a personal yet non-sexual love to both of the show's other main characters, answering each of their needs.  We also do get to see one of Izzy's flaws repeatedly reinforced: that he tends to project his emotions, self-expectations, and personal traits on other people, for better or for ill. This serves to try to prepare us for his deepest example of projection in the final episode... that is also his last act of love to Edward.”

Ed sends his Blackbeard getup to the bottom of the sea, weighed down by a cannonball (the second time a cannonball has been used to kill Blackbeard). 

Back in the captain’s cabin, Izzy throws back the curtain to expose Stede and Ed. (Once again, someone says “Jesus” in response to Izzy doing something.) Izzy isn’t bitter, he’s merely reporting to his captain. He acknowledges Ed for the first time with his “well and truly docked” line. Izzy leaves.

“Couple of notes here. While yes, Izzy’s just needled both these men with his observation of their intimacy – it’s also some of the most good-natured jealousy I’ve seen him display [...]. There was no rage in his presentation as we’ve watched him evince before, not even repressed down so tightly that he would otherwise vibrate with it. But also… I think this is another of Edward’s fuckboi moments, being a bit shitty about his ex/estranged partner in an attempt to ingratiate himself more with his new one. (And it puts my hackles up that Ed treats Izzy's inability to have safe intimacy so cavalierly, but what else is new?)”

In his next scene, Izzy approaches Ed as he’s observing the fishermen. “Izzy’s returned to standing with his gloved right hand toward Edward; his bare left hand is angled to be on his sword hilt just below frame. The blocking and his posture says he’s feeling safe once more, and has forgiven Edward as much as he could be expected to.”

Izzy’s expression is somber when Ed says he feels “fucking great” about putting Blackbeard to rest. Ed fully meets Izzy’s eyes, and Izzy smiles. “This is the Sacred Heart giving such an intimate, incredible gift: loving in a way that can also let go. [...] Izzy at this time, his emotional development completed at last, can truly love Edward no matter what they are or become to each other – without requirements or demands.”

Ed pulls away and Izzy’s expression settles into grief. “The union of ‘Blackbeard’ will, Izzy thinks, dissolve and fade away. And they’ll have to find a new, healthier way to relate to each other – or maybe even leave each other completely behind, once and for all.”

Ed and Stede reunite and it quickly turn to fighting. “Astoundingly quickly, for someone who got such good dicking down just last night and was feeling strongly enough about it this morning to throw away his old life in favor of it. Or at least… he appeared to throw it away. Textually, he threw it away. And Blackbeard’s Sacred Heart, in an act of loving sacrifice, told him to listen to his feelings – no matter where they might lead.” But with Ed “disconnected from Blackbeard’s (now) more emotionally intelligent heart [...], he has only his own internal immature heart and its adolescent feelings to guide him – and he’s terrified about it.”

Stede doesn’t listen. “I’ll be 100% that bitch right here: Izzy would be fully listening, fully focused and engaged. Both of these men spin up too far in their own heads; they’ve never had to ignore their first adrenaline-soaked knee-jerk reflexive thoughts in order to coherently receive and respond to what someone else is saying/doing in an emotionally challenging moment.” Ed and Stede unconsciously use all kinds of “underhanded psychological tricks” on each other during the argument. 

Izzy and Stede talk (mirroring Izzy’s talk with Ed earlier), but only after Izzy uses his own formidable (not related to Blackbeard at all) power to order Stede’s companions away. Izzy is compassionate. He tells Stede that he balances Ed out, which may be some projection on Izzy’s part. 

“The sincerity here is killing me in the best possible way. Where Izzy’s previous conversation with Ed was almost sparse – they know each other so well and they’ve thrown so many words at each other across the years, they’re now down to the only ones that still matter – this one is verbose and more actively encouraging. And even here in this noisy bar that he doesn’t particularly like, he’s leaning forward to be sure he’s heard. His expression is open and caring, without a trace of sarcasm or insincerity. He remains kind on every single textual and subtextual level.” A feat, considering how tired and in pain Izzy must be by now.

Izzy tells Stede he was shot for saying he loves Ed, which is, of course, not true. “On one level it reads to me as a conflation of the idea of Stede Bonnet and love, in the mind of Blackbeard's heart. On another level it was a statement of love for Edward in the moment that was even weightier (and therefore unfortunately had more consequences) than his own love confession: you love him and I know it, so let's talk about it; let's find a healthy way to deal with it together and move forward. That's what got him shot -- the fact that Blackbeard's heart was willing (as it always has been) to admit to love far, far sooner than Blackbeard's mind was.”

Izzy puts his bare hand on Stede’s thigh (it’s fine, Stede is protected by leather pants). Izzy is seated between Stede at the direction from which any possible threat might come, right hand free to draw his sword. It’s not a perfectly defensible position.

Izzy tells Stede to get back to the ship. This is one of “many times Izzy’s been right and just… no one fucking bothered to listen to him or take him seriously.”

Stede confronts Zheng Yi Sao before Izzy can position himself to stop him. Izzy must decide to trust Stede in this; he’s smiling by the time he takes his spot at Stede’s back. Izzy realizes that Zheng Yi Sao is winding Stede up, and he’s not convinced that Stede, even with his remarkable luck, can win against her in a fight.

When Yi Sao drops Steak Knife, Izzy knows it’s best to make a run for it, “and if he wasn’t exhausted and in a fair amount of pain, he perhaps could have interceded in time and tried to broker peace. But Stede’s healthy, non-disabled, and full of vigorous venom; on this occasion he beats Izzy to the punch.” 

They’re all kicked outside to brawl. Izzy is positioned between Jim and Lucius, with Frenchie on Lucius’ other side. He’s clearly exhausted and in pain. This is interesting because, “after the end of S1, Con says [Izzy[ is ‘a little bit frightened’ of Jim, and ‘confused as fuck’ about Lucius – and here, in the penultimate episode of S2, he’s being supported and upheld by both of them in an affectionate fashion.”

Zheng Yi Sao’s ships explode. “Then a cannon ball comes arching out of the night, filling the frame headed toward the left -- therefore toward Stede, Zheng, or (less likely) Roach.”

On to the next!

[canichangemyblogname]

I appreciate your post about Hen and Athena. I’ve only been around a few months and while there’s been nothing surprising about the continued racism in this fandom (I’m just a tired black woman trying to have a good time), it’s been ridiculous to watch folks double down when called out or think things were cute that were absolutely ridiculous in their execution. Despite having writers of color, this show misses a lot but also the complacency in fandom of not only racism and misogyny but specific misogynoir is just ridiculous. I mourn for fans im sure have just NOPED out bc of how pervasive it is and would have had incredible things to contribute.

Thank you for reaching out! I’m glad you’re here and appreciate sharing a fan space with you. 🫶

I have seen the way racial harassment, racist ideas, and biases have pushed out friends and fan creators. And I have seen how black and brown fans are treated differently for calling attention to issues of racism in fandom. Fan spaces are chronically white, and that is reflected in fan interpretations, the way a fandom engages with a piece of media, and the way white fans interact with black and brown fans.

There is a lot of unchecked racism, ableism, misogyny, and homophobia in 911 fan spaces, and I *know* fans have “noped out” because of its pervasiveness. I believe that these spaces should be welcoming and safe and fun for any fan. People shouldn’t have to worry about whether they’re following “safe” blogs or feel anxiety scrolling through tags and art as they wait to be confronted with racist takes or whitewashed caricatures. And the fact that fan content is created for free is no excuse.

I want fan spaces to be more welcoming, and I think calling attention to commonly held regressive ideas is *one* thing I can do. It’s not the *only* thing I should do, tho. I think it’s important to love black and brown fans and the amazing perspectives they bring more than I hate racist takes. It’s also important to show genuine interest in black and brown creators and reach out to make genuine connections. This is, after all, a community. Making a space welcoming includes showing support for the amazing creators who are here. It’s not just the racist takes and racist interactions that push black and brown fans out, but the disparate treatment their art and contributions receive. Because amazing people *have* been alienated from fan communities, and these spaces feel empty without their voices.

[lee-hakhyun]

the horrors of having a bright cloud of thoughts (my lovely ideas) and no way to condense it to pass on to the masses (cannot fucking write)

[florencemtrash]

Take it Off - Azriel x Reader

Summary: You and Azriel have been friends for centuries... but what happens when he wakes up one day to find that things have changed? And how will he react when you start wearing Cassian's clothes?

Warnings: Angst. Jealous Azriel. Suggestiveness and then some (I don't know what warning to put, but it's spicier than my usual stuff is all I'll say). Cassian is an absolute menace... good for him

Author's note: Did I write this to procrastinate editing SSIB Ch 22 after watching Bridgerton S3?... yes

Is this a fucking game to you?

Cassian grinned over the lip of his cup, raising his brow in a poorly disguised expression of confusion. He’d been playing the innocent fool all throughout breakfast, seemingly oblivious to the daggers Azriel was throwing his direction every time he made you laugh.

Internally, he and Nesta were both cackling. He threw his arm over the back of his meta’s chair, plucking the cream puff she held out for him, and tossing it into his mouth with a shit-eating grin. 

I’ve not the faintest idea what you’re talking about, Azriel. Although it hurts me deeply to see you so upset.

Upset was an understatement. Azriel was holding onto his glass of orange juice so tightly cracks were beginning to form beneath his fingertips. 

You elbowed Azriel in the ribs, brows furrowed as you pointed your slice of toast towards his hand. “Are you ok?” You whispered low and just for his ears. 

The molten anger in his eyes melted away, hazel eyes softening as he took in your concerned expression. You were the first and only one of his family members to watch him so intensely. You could unravel the meaning in every twitch of his jaw, every rhythmic tap of his fingers against his thigh, every flicker of his shadows. You knew when he was upset, when he was happy, and when he wanted to laugh but had trouble expressing it. The only thing you weren’t aware of when it came to Azriel was how unbelievably in love with you he was. 

But that was his own fault. 

You’d watched him fawn over Mor for centuries, watched as he practically crawled on hand and knees for any kernel of affection she was willing to throw his way. Then, when you thought he’d finally gotten over his feelings for her, he’d chased after Elain’s heels like a dog in heat. You didn’t even want to begin thinking about Gwyn and the way she’d trampled over his hopes with the simple phrase, “I love you as a friend, Azriel. Nothing more.” 

No. It was entirely his fault that you’d learned to bury your own feelings for him so deep they’d become background noise — as inconsequential and ever present as the sound of your own breathing. 

Still… you couldn’t help but notice the secrets swimming in his eyes, the hurt and longing there that you could only guess the origin of. Who’d hurt him this time? You wondered. 

“I’m fine.” Azriel whispered, his hands ghosting over your thighs before deciding against touching you there. 

You hummed, clearly unconvinced. You held your toast in between your teeth, tasting the raspberry jam explode on your tongue as you reached over and carefully peeled Azriel’s fingers off his injured glass. 

His heart stuttered at the sight of your lips as they closed around your thumb, licking away crumbs and jam from your fingertips. But then his gaze dropped to your chest and his stomach soured. 

As Madja’s apprentice, you’d acquired a special interest in botany — an interest that had all but shoved you into Feyre’s studio so you could learn the skills necessary to depict all manner of flora and fauna in your field journal. When you’d complained about finding paint and charcoal stains over your clothes, Cassian had jumped on the opportunity to give you his old shirts to use as painting smocks. He had to congratulate himself for the stroke of genius. After all, he and Nesta had been discussing plans on how to get Azriel to admit his feelings for months now. 

Azriel did not respond well to outright suggestions or bullying. If he told Azriel to pull his head out of his ass and ask you on a proper date, the Shadowsinger would only hunker down on his preconceptions that he was unloveable, and that you were far too good for him. If he revealed to Azriel that you’d secretly loved him for decades that would only make him feel even more embarrassment and shame. 

No.

  Jealousy worked far better when it came to Azriel.

You looked comfortable and happy in Cassian’s clothes — a fact that escaped no one’s notice. You had the sleeves rolled up past your elbows, the rows of buttons at your back haphazardly done without wings to accommodate. You’d worn that particular shirt a half dozen times now and replaced any scent of Cassian with your own. 

Still, you were wearing another male’s shirt… and it was starting to drive Azriel insane.

“I was going to get rid of these and thought you might like them for… painting.” Azriel shifted on his feet, holding out the neatly stacked pile of clothes for you. 

You were laying on your stomach in bed, colored pencils and textbooks splayed out around you, but quickly righted yourself and sifted through the piles he handed you.

You held one up for a better look. 

“Azriel, you were just wearing this last week.” It still smelled like him — the scent of the Illyrian mountains at night woven through the soft, cotton material. “I can’t take this. Or this. Or this!” 

“I have more just like them.” 

You huffed, fists balanced on your hips. 

Azriel was a simple male with ample space in his wardrobe. When he wasn’t in his Illyrian leathers he wore the same three outfits on rotation, all of them nearly identical. If there was anyone who shouldn’t be giving away clothes, it was Azriel. 

“I really appreciate it, Az, but I’m ok. I don’t need these. Cassian already gave me enough hand-me-downs to last two decades at least.” 

A muscle in Azriel’s jaw jumped out. “Well I’m glad for that.” He was practically seething. You noticed, as you always did, but you couldn’t imagine that you were the cause of his frustrations. 

“Are you sure you’re alright, Az? You’ve been acting strangely the past few days.” 

“It’s nothing.”

“I doubt that.” 

There were various things on his mind, chief among them you. So he took hold of the olive branch you’d extended him and laid down beside you, talking about everything and nothing at all. But one thing he avoided talking about at all costs was how the gentle scraping of your nails through his hair as he rested his head in your lap made him want to lock the door and never come out. 

He wanted to bury his face beneath your sundress and then tear it to pieces. He wanted to dive under the covers and leave an assortment of marks on your skin. To hold you so close that you began to smell like one another. 

You lay down beside him, leaning your head against his shoulder so he caught whiffs of your elderberry and lemon shampoo. 

“You know you can tell me anything, right? That’s what friends are for.” 

Right… friends. He was starting to hate that word. 

“Yes… I know.” 

How long do you think he’ll last?

Nesta felt Cassian’s soft laugh blow over the back of her neck as they crouched just behind the door of Feyre's painting studio.

Azriel had been undeniably irritable the last two weeks, his patience fraying like a linen skirt with the hem torn off. Cassian was still sporting a bruise on his cheek from this morning’s sparring session after one of his teasing remarks had hit a little too close to home. 

Not much longer. Look at him, Nes. He’s practically vibrating.

Nesta slapped her hand over her mouth, stifling her laughter. 

Azriel was restless, his wings kept opening and closing with agitation and the curve of his ears had long since turned a bright shade of pink. He’d had his shadows knock over a cup of ink earlier, sending its contents splattering over your shirt and staining the fabric beyond repair. But you’d only shrugged and said, “It’s my painting shirt. It’s meant to get dirty,” before going back to your canvas with a soft smile. The moment you’d turned your back to him, he’d silently cursed the ceiling. 

Stupid, stupid, stupid. He kicked himself, too focused on your continuing conversation to think that his meddling brother and sister-in-law might be watching. 

He hadn’t expected his emotions to take over so quickly, least of all with you. You’d been his best friend for over two hundred years. You were a staple in his life, more familiar to him than the childhood blanket he still had tucked away in his drawer. There was no reason why he should suddenly wake up one day and realize with a shock of surprise that he loved you and couldn’t imagine living in a world that didn’t have you in it. 

It had been such a silly moment as well. You’d been getting ready for Starfall, your hair done up and a flush of color spread over your cheeks and lips. He’d come to check in on you and lost his breath when he saw you sitting at the vanity, holding up earrings to your neck to see if they matched the satin of your deep blue gown. And then you’d politely asked him to lace up your dress and he’d nearly swallowed his tongue in surprise, forcing his hands to stop shaking as they brushed against your spine. Gods he’d wanted to throw himself off a balcony that night, if only because you’d be the one tasked with healing him. 

He wanted to throw himself off the balcony now. Let the ground swallow him whole so he wouldn’t have to make a fool of himself in front of you… again. 

I give it another week. Nesta declared.

Cassian smirked. I know my brother. He won’t last another three days.

In the end they were both wrong. 

It only took two days for Azriel to finally snap.

“Take it off.” 

You swiveled around in your chair, tongue pressing against your cheek as you wondered what gave Azriel the audacity to march into your private lesson with Feyre and make such an out-of-character demand. 

“What?” You asked, furrowing your brows. 

Azriel stood as still as an obsidian statue in the doorway. His wings loomed over his shoulders, talons reaching towards the ceiling tense and twitching. 

“Take. It. Off,” he repeated through gritted teeth. He clutched a neatly folded shirt in his hands, knuckles pale and bloodless from the tight grip. You’d been wearing Cassian’s clothes almost every day this past week and he couldn’t stand it anymore. He couldn’t stand sitting beside you at the dinner table or in the library, the laughter in his throat dying when he caught Cassian’s scent drifting off your skin. 

It was maddening the way you didn’t think anything of it. 

Yes, Cassian was practically a brother to you, and yes, he was a mated male but… fuck it bothered Azriel so much to think of anyone else laying claim to you. To think that one day you might actually walk around wearing another male’s clothes because you loved them. To think that that male wouldn’t be him. 

He’d tried to bring up the topic with you in his own round-about way, but you’d shrugged off all his suggestions of wearing something — anything — else. 

“If you want painting clothes, why don’t we go shopping this afternoon? I’m sure Feyre has recommendations. Or we could just walk around the Rainbow until something catches your eye.” 

“I’m not a full time artist, and it seems silly to spend money on clothes you intend to ruin.” 

“Why don’t you ask Feyre or Mor for hand-me-downs then? They’ll fit you better and the sleeves won’t drag so much.” 

“I like it when my clothes are loose.” 

Feyre glanced between the two of you, namely the flare of Azriel’s nostrils and the way he ground his teeth so intently you worried he’d crack a tooth. 

“I’m… going to leave now.”

“Wait—Feyre!” 

The High Lady kissed your cheek, a knowing look in her eyes, before scurrying out the door. 

Don’t scowl so much, Az, you’re making her nervous. She chirped to the Shadowsinger before slipping down the hallway and disappearing. 

She made it all of ten feet down the hall before crowing, “It’s happening!” to the others. 

It’s happening?! Mor leapt out from her bedroom, a robe hastily tied around her waist and soap suds clinging to her hair. “Fey—” she hissed.

Feyre pressed a finger up to her lips, cutting her off. They’re in the art studio now. 

I fucking KNEW IT! Mor squealed in delight, stomping her feet soundlessly into the floorboards as she allowed Feyre to grab her wrist and drag her forward. 

I won the bet, Nes.

You didn’t win, we both lost!

Semantics. 

Why you bas—

Feyre, Rhys, Mor, Cassian, and Nesta streamed into the foyer. There was an air vent here that led directly to the art studio two floors above them and painted over so expertly it may as well have been part of the molding. The sounds traveling through it were muffled by echos and distance, but nothing that fae hearing and magic couldn’t overcome. 

“That’s it!” The chair you’d been sitting in skittered back with a squeak. “What is your problem, Azriel? You’ve been agitated for weeks now. You won’t tell me, or any of the others, what’s wrong and every time Cassian so much as glances in your direction you look like you want to tear his throat out!” 

Azriel said nothing as you stomped forward and dragged him into the room, slamming the door shut behind him. Whiskey eyes flickered down to your hand — the hand you currently had closed around his wrist — and he shuddered. 

You didn’t even want to begin to unpack the hidden meaning of that response as you brought him to the center of the room and let go. 

He dropped the shirt on the nearby desk, hands lowering to the hem of your painting smock with a grimace. 

“I need you to take this off.” He repeated with a frown.

“What kind of person marches into a room and demands that their friend take off their shirt?” 

He flinched at that word — friend.

“Az!” Your voice snapped him out of his thoughts, and his anger. “What is going on with you?!” 

“It’s nothing.” He growled out, but he tugged at the hem like its very existence was a personal offense.

“Clearly it’s not nothing.”

“Can you just take off your shirt and put this one on?”

You shoved him away. It wasn’t even like he was asking you to get naked, you both knew you were wearing something beneath this, but it was the way he was asking that grated on your nerves — like what he was requesting was perfectly normal and you were the ridiculous one for not listening.

“No.” You folded your arms over your chest with a huff. You were just being stubborn now, but you didn’t care. 

His eyes turned tortured and he clasped his hands together in front of you. “Please?” He begged.

“No! Not until you tell me what’s going on and why you’re acting this way!” 

“I don’t want to have this discussion while you’re standing there smelling like another male!”

That was… not what you were expecting.

You gaped at him, unsure whether to howl with laughter, or slap him across the face. 

“That’s what this is about? You’re upset because I’m wearing Cassian’s clothes?” You gagged at the mere thought of what Azriel was insinuating. 

“Well that was a little hurtful.” Cassian mumbled. 

Mor slapped the back of his head. “Shhhhh. I’m trying to listen.”

Azriel shifted on his feet, color beginning to spread high on his cheekbones. “It’s not about Cassian… not really…”

You tapped your foot on the ground, waiting for him to continue. Azriel felt naked. Stripped back like one of your insect specimens lit up beneath a microscope. Your eyes raked over his every movement. Even his shadows, usually so attention-seeking, cowered behind their master’s back whispering to one another about how Azriel might dig himself out of his own grave. 

“Well?” You snapped. 

Azriel shrank back, “I… I like you, Y/n.” 

You rolled your eyes, “I know, that’s why we’re friends. I like you too.”

“No. Not… not like that.” Azriel groaned, burying his face in his hands. “Oh I’m fucking this up so badly it’s not even funny anymore.” 

“I don’t even know what it is you’re fucking up. I—”

“I love you, ok?” He said in a burst of energy.  “I love you and not in the way that friends are meant to love one another and Cassian’s an idiot and I’m a jealous bastard and I… I…” 

You stared back dumbly. “You can’t mean that.” 

Azriel’s face fell. “And why not?”

“Because I have been here for decades, centuries,” you jabbed his chest with a finger, “And you never once looked at me that way. Never once considered me as anything more than a friend. You’re upset because I’ve been wearing Cassian’s clothes the last few weeks? Well guess what, Az, I’ve watched you walk in and out of those doors for years with your poorly concealed hickies and that lovesick look on your face, and I never made it your problem or anyone else’s.” 

“Well I want you to!” He shouted. It was the first and only time you could remember him raising his voice. “I want you to make it my problem, Y/n. I want you to tell me that you love me and I want you to shout at me for all the stupid decisions I’ve made because I’m yours. I’m yours to shout at. I’m yours to get angry with. I’m yours to love if you’ll still have me and…” Azriel gasped for breath, chest heaving as he came face to face with the fact that he’d just said those words out loud. Those words that he’d kept close to his chest with the rest of his secrets. Those words that proved just how completely at your mercy he was. 

Please say you’ll still have me. His eyes begged. 

When you didn’t move or say anything, he felt a piece of his heart wither away. He lowered his eyes, suddenly interested in a speckle of red paint that had smeared under his boot, “Forgive me. I’m… I’m sorry I didn’t… I shouldn’t have—” 

“You’re a fucking idiot, Azriel.” You muttered breathlessly. 

Then you flung yourself into his arms and crashed your lips into his. 

Kissing Azriel was better than you could have ever imagined. The fantasies you’d constructed late in the night when you were lonely blew apart like paper houses, crumbling in the face of reality. His mouth fumbled for purchase against your lips before slotting into place with a strangled moan. He lifted you in the air and you instinctively wrapped your legs around his waist, tightening them until you could feel him harden between your legs. 

His tongue flitted over your lips tasting like oranges and magic. 

But his hands. 

His hands. 

You couldn’t get enough of them as they slid up and down your back, squeezing and pressing into your skin until he’d memorized the curve of your spine. You wove your fingers in his hair, tilting his head so you could stare into his hazel eyes before diving in for another taste. 

He walked you back to the desk, shadows flinging the tins of charcoal and pastel pencils off the furniture so you could perch there instead. Then he surged forward, pressing his hips into the space between your legs so he could feel the heat that gathered there. It sent shivers down his spine.

This… this was everything he’d ever wanted. You were everything he’d ever wanted. Not some unapproachable female he admired from afar but hardly knew, but someone who’d seen every inch of his soul and never flinched. Someone who’d nestled into the hidden corners of his heart and grown there like a willow tree. 

You moved your hands over the wide expanse of his back, digging your nails in to feel every twitch of muscle, every shudder, as he latched onto the side of your neck and slid his tongue over the sensitive skin there. 

He smelled like mountain rain. Like fresh wind and petrichor and sea salt. 

You smelled like lemons and safety. Like maple leaves and lavender and… Cassian.

Because you were still wearing his gods-damned shirt. 

Azriel felt his blood boil, and an instinctual rage took over as he growled low in his throat, bunched the fabric of Cassian’s shirt in his hands, and tore it in two.

You pulled away from him at the sound of ripping fabric, but kept your grip on his solid shoulders as air blew across your skin.

Azriel’s pupils were blown wide, his lips pink and raw as he leaned his forehead against yours in a daze. You continued to breathe each other’s air like you were drowning. He seemed just as in disbelief as you, if not more. 

“Azriel…” You whispered, chest heaving. 

He looked at you with half-lidded eyes full of heat. “... yes, Y/n?” He asked breathlessly.

“I think you ripped through my dress… and my bra as well…” 

“Oh…” He fingered the ruined fabric that fell loose around your shoulders and realized that your back was indeed on full display. The straps of your bra slipped down and the mangled buttons of your sundress clung to their loops by weak threads. “Oh…oh gods.” 

One hand flew up to your chest to keep the fabric in place while the other slapped over your mouth, suffocating the laughter that threatened to burst forth. 

Azriel’s ears and cheeks turned brighter than the sun as he slowly lowered you down to your feet, fumbling over apologies like he hadn’t been shoving his tongue down your throat mere seconds ago. 

“I’m so sorry—” 

“Azriel, it’s ok.” 

“No, I was being an ass and now I’ve ruined your dress and—” 

“You can buy me more.”

Azriel’s shoulder dropped. “I can?” “You can.” 

He shook his head very seriously. “Yes, yes you’re right, I—” Azriel had always been the beautiful one — the one that drew eyes when he walked into a room. The one that had females and males falling out of their seats for a proper look at his elegant features. But right now he looked so helpless, so flustered and unsure of himself that you finally lost it. 

Champagne bubble laughs slipped out of your mouth, light and airy, and sent a shock of warmth through Azriel’s chest. It was infectious the way the skin stretched over your cheeks. The light in your eyes couldn’t be contained no matter how hard you tried. 

He couldn’t help himself. 

He started laughing too. 

What began as one of his reserved chuckles grew into uncontrollable peals of laughter that echoed throughout the studio and had you clutching onto the desk for support. 

Azriel doubled over, one hand holding the stitch in his side together as you howled. 

“Oh gods. I can’t—” You hiccuped. “I-I-I can’t breathe.” 

Soon you were both kneeling on the ground, clutching each other’s arms for some semblance of stability. You gasped for breath, wiping away tears from the corners of your eyes. 

Azriel captured one of your hands, weaving his fingers through yours before bringing your wrist to his lips for a soft, reverent kiss. You thought you’d experienced enough emotions for today ranging from frustration to anger to a joy you couldn’t begin to put into words. But you were certain your heart could handle one more shift in the atmosphere. 

Wordlessly you tugged off Cassian’s shirt, dropping it to the side where shadows caught hold of the cursed fabric and quickly tossed it into the fireplace. The flames crackled with triumph, eating away at the shirt with a vengeance. 

“A little dramatic, don’t you think?” 

“We can agree to disagree.” Azriel murmured, his eyes growing dark and heavy. His gaze drifted down to the soft skin now exposed from your tattered dress, the thin straps clinging to your arms, the gentle swell of your breasts as you breathed heavily. 

His fingers danced over the straps in silent permission, eyes searching yours for any hint of hesitation. But you were open and wanting and desperate for his touch. You crawled into his lap and a faint nod was all he needed before the pale blue fabric of your dress fell down and bunched about your waist. The bra followed, and then you were sitting there naked from the waist up, feeling the heat grow between your bodies as Azriel looked at you with pure adoration in his eyes. 

“Am I dreaming, Y/n?” He whispered, rubbing circles into your hip bones. 

You smiled softly, “Have you dreamed of me before?”

“Yes. Many times.” He kissed your chest, slowly dragging his hands down your ribs as you shivered and fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, and then his belt buckle. “But we never got this far.” 

“Hmmmm, I think we could go a little further.” 

“NOT IN MY STUDIO!” Feyre’s voice echoed oddly through the room, sounding muffled and far away. 

Azriel’s wings flared out, hiding you from view as you yelped and pressed your chest against his. Your cheeks burned with embarrassment about being found in such a compromising position. But the door was closed! And so were the windows!

His shadows finally found the culprit in the air vent.

“Godsdamnit—HAVE YOU BEEN LISTENING THE ENTIRE TIME?!” Azriel shouted. 

A moment passed before Feyre answered, “... No,” in a much softer tone. 

“We missed part of the beginning,” Cassian chimed in. 

Azriel groaned, dropping his forehead against your shoulder as you were stunned into silence. He muttered something beneath his breath that sounded oddly similar to, “I swear I’m going to kill him one day.”

Azriel helped you to your feet and finally, you put on his shirt. 

“Are you happy now?” You teased, arms dropping to your sides. 

The corner of his lip twitched upwards. You looked… very good in his clothes with the sleeves rolled up and a sliver of your dress (now skirt) peeking out from beneath. 

He looked towards the vent, then wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you close so he could whisper, “I would be happier if I saw my shirt and that dress of yours on the floor of my bedroom.” 

His hand slid up your skirt, squeezing the back of your thighs in a way that had you stiffening. 

All at once he was second-guessing himself. Maybe he’d taken things too far. Maybe the lust-filled haze had cleared and you didn’t want him anymore. 

You swallowed and wrapped your hand around his wrist, gently guiding his fingers to your core. You let him know just how much you wanted this. 

A roar of blood sounded in the Shadowsinger’s ears. 

“I think that sounds like a very good plan.” You murmured in agreement and his eyes turned black as night.

He stole another long kiss before scooping you into his arms. 

“Az, where are we going?” You giggled into the curve of his throat as he flew down the hallway and stairs. “We just passed your bedroom.” 

“We’re not going to my bedroom.”

“Well we missed my bedroom too.” 

He didn’t respond.

Azriel skidded to a stop at the top of the staircase, already well aware that his family had gathered at the bottom and were waiting to bombard him with questions. 

Azriel smirked at you, leaned down, and kissed your cheek. “When I take you to bed properly, it won’t be with our nosey family members in the house.” He ran his tongue across the line of your jaw all the way to your earlobe and whispered, “I want any noises you make to be for me, and me alone.” 

“You are certainly a man of poetry, Az.”

He smiled. “Only for you.” 

“Well, well, well if it isn’t the two love—” Shadows flew into his mouth, muffling his words. “HEH! Azz! Whazthf—”

“I’ll see you in a week.” He said to no one in particular, his shadows opening the door of the River House. 

“Where are you going?” Mor asked, her eyes zeroing in on the bright red mark blossoming on your neck. What the fuck? She mouthed at you, giving you two thumbs up as Azriel crossed the doorway with you in his arms.

“None of your business. I’ll see you in a week.” Then he looked down at you, eyes growing soft. “We’ll see you in a week,” he corrected himself. 

Your stomach bottomed out, heat flowing through your body as you heard him make such a declaration in front of... well everyone. You couldn't wait to see where he would take you and where he would take you.

"Ready?" Azriel asked, a sultry smile growing on his face.

"Ready."

You wrapped your arms around his neck, burying your face in the hollow of his throat as he took off into the air. 

[just-some-random-blogger]

Hey can I ask for a smutish fluffish matt smith fic where where they are filming their sex scene but she accidentally says Matt instead of Daemon and the directors like “not again 😒 start from the top”

I'm Into It

Matt Smith x Actress!Reader (lowkey Daemon x Reader lol)

Summary: You were finally getting to live out your fantasies of having Matt around you in that pretty blonde wig, but at what cost?

Word Count: >600

Warnings: fem!reader, established relationship, they be filming a sex scene for hotd, crackfic, fluff, typos, etc.

A/N: Lol this was so much fun to write it's so meta i love it. I hope you like it nonnie <3 and since technically this is daemon related imma tag yallz @pinksirensong @deniixlovezelda @targaryenmoony also im tagging @pearlstiare since this lovely dear seemed to enjoy my matt smith fic lol hehe i made another matt fic lol "Dark Kiss"

I was pressed against the wall, a blade to my neck, an arm pressed by my ribcage, pushing me flush against the wall.

I heaved, "do it," I spoke as the blade was pressed closer to my chin, "slit my throat," I chortled, "and then you'll realize just how foolish that decision was after you've spilt my blood."

"Demented hag," Daemon quips, pressing his arm deeper into me.

I lean into him, the blade on my neck presses deeper. I brush my nose against his, "hush, prince," I lick his lips, "we both know you don't think that."

Daemon throws his blade to the side and flips me over, pressing my chest and face roughly against the wall, one arm pushed behind my back. He breathes jaggedly against my neck, "tell me where you hid it."

"Make me," I huff, "you know how," I chuckle, "you know what I want from you."

I wince when he shoves me. I break into another chuckle, "I'll take it however you want to give it, pretty boy."

"Last chance," he warns, "while I'm being nice."

I hum, "I don't want you to be nice. I want you to ruin me."

I smile when he does not reply. I strain my neck trying to look back at him, "dragon lost his fire?"

All at once, I am released and turn back to deviously eye the prince. I bite my lip when he begins to undo his breeches, "you will regret it if you do not obey me."

My heart jumps to my throat at his words. I fall against the wall as he steps forward. I reach out to him as he bunches my skirt up.

I lean against his forehead and sigh when he places his hands on my hips. I raise my leg up to his side and pull him with me as I shift back. I steal a kiss from him and nip at his lower lip when he evades me. When he takes his hand underneath my thigh, I instinctively call out his name.

That was my mistake.

Instead of calling Daemon, I say Matt.

Matt pulls his head back upon hearing his name. He breaks into an airy chuckle, "baby," he coos, leaning into me, hiding his face in the crook of my neck, pecking the area quickly.

My eyes go wide and I slap my hand on my mouth, looking out to the director and the rest of the crew when I realize my mistake.

Matt pulls away from me, laughing, releasing his hold on my leg to look past the camera. He turns back to me, as I profusely begin to apologize under my breath. He is in a fit of giggles when he seals me into a tight embrace, kissing my shoulder affectionately.

"I am so sorry," I mutter in a guilty tone as I am lifted off my feet by the laughing Matt.

"I'm not," he says, looking out to the camera. He points, "you caught that, right?" He giggles, "I'm going to need a copy of all of these outtakes."

I feel blood rise up my neck, "Matthew, please."

"What?" he turns to me, "my male ego is thriving, lovie. What is this, the tenth time?"

"No!" I call, "... I think only five."

There is a chorus of laughs; someone corrects me by saying it's the seventh.

Matt kisses me cheek, "I'm proud of you, babe."

"Matt, please," the director calls, "stop being distracting."

The entire set breaks into a fit of laughs. I burn with embarrassment, wanting nothing but to be swallowed by the ground, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry," I turn to Matt and grab his face, "Daemon. Daemon. Daemon."

Matt grins, "Matt. Matt. Matt."

"Stop!" I warn, pulling away from him as I repeat my mantra, "Daemon, Daemon, Daemon."

"Rouge Prince. Dashingly handsome," Matt rubs his nose. He looks at the director, "from the top then?" He chuckles under his breath, "that's what she said."

"Stop!" I whine.

"Oh, alright," he smirks, turning to me, "do me a favor and mess up again. For me?"

"Stop!" I call out the same time as the director.

lol you wanna read another matt smith fic?

[ineffable-suffering]

Why Aziraphale is an unreliable narrator

Part 2: The Story of wee Morag

This is Part 2 of 3 total metas. Here are:

Part 1, in case you want to read about my analysis of the Story of Job first

and Part 3, in case you're impatient and want to jump ahead.

Fair warning though, for the sake of understanding some of the references, you're probably better off reading this chaptered meta chronologically. However, every part should work just as well as a standalone! I'll do my very best to make it so.

Alright, off or on you go beyond the cutty cut!

I'll start this second part off with a very brief summary of the main take aways and points from Part 1, which go as such:

Memory, as opposed to a third party's narration, is not a factual, objective retelling of a story or event. It's mingled and mangled with emotions, imaginations and exaggerations, projecting both the feelings and impressions you had back then as well as those you might have now in the present time back on whatever it is you are remembering. (Which is why we need to put everything that Aziraphale is remembering into the context of what he might have felt in the past, as well as what he's feeling right now.)

While this doesn't mean his (or anyone's) memories are lies, it does mean they're a very subjective and sometimes factually distorted representation of what actually happened, which, in our case, gives us a lot of subtext and a lot of not-there furniture to figure out and look at.

So, let's continue with S2E3 and the Story of wee Morag. We start our flashback with a scene of Aziraphale writing his diary entry on the 10th of November, 1827. Immediately, it's firmly established that this is once again not an outside-point-of-view narration, but rather what Aziraphale remembers and wrote down.

One thing that immediately stuck out to me here, is how helpful and kind Crowley is to Elspeth, pretty much from the very beginning when they meet her in the graveyard. Not only does he take on a Scottish accent so she won't perceive him as English (as she does with Aziraphale), but he also helps her drag the barrel that has the fresh body in it and, in the end, even pulls it all by himself while Elspeth simply follows behind them. Here's a rather poor-quality picture, for reference:

Now, we know that despite not showing it very often, Crowley has always been very fond of the humans and never really put himself on a pedestal simply because he's an immortal being himself. He likes humans, just like Aziraphale does. But, just like this story will tell us, Crowley knows that on top of liking humans, you can't just put them into boxes of good and evil and expect them to always do what is supposedly the "right" or "divinely good" thing to do. (Which is what differentiates him from Aziraphale in the way he understands and treats them, as we're shown in this minisode).

Him immediately and unspokenly helping Elspeth with dragging the barrel therefore might also be a first sign of a tiny projection from present day Aziraphale, as opposed to what Crowley might have actually done (probably just walked beside her, like Aziraphale) because he has the knowledge that Crowley really was so very kind to her in the end, wasn't he? And that he's kind to humans in general. ("Not kind! Off my head on Laudanum!" Sure, babe.)

Most of this minisode, in my opinion, is actually there to establish how Aziraphale's view of morality and good vs. evil used to be quite flawed and elitist –– and how Crowley has always been there to gently nudge him towards questioning his black and white view of heavenly right and hellishly wrong. That's why I think there's not as many hints in this minisode about Aziraphale's memories not being an accurate portrayal of what happened, as there are in the Story of Job or the magic show in 1941. (And, fear not, the latter will definitely be the most hint-heavy one). Alas, there's still a few bits and bobs in the Story of wee Morag that stuck out to me, that make a brief yet good case of the whole unreliable narration thing.

First of all: The way Aziraphale describes all of it in his diary is so different from the way we see him actually remembering it. It's almost like he tried to write this entry (and possibly all of his diary) as a bit of a thrilling short story, with himself as the main character. Which makes sense, given the fact that he adores books and would certainly be keen on dabbling in the art of capital-w Writing himself. It's yet again hinting at the fact that sometimes people (and angels) try to polish and bedazzle stories (and memories) to make them seem more exciting and adventurous, often to distract from the not-so-fun parts of it.

Like when Aziraphale's diary narrates:

"It was with heavy heart we arrived at Elspeth's destination. I was determined to thwart her monstrous plan!"

... and yet we see Crowley and Elspeth casually walking down the alleyway, very obviously not heavy-hearted in the slightest, while Aziraphale nervously scurries on behind them, very obviously not determined to thwart. (Timestamp-wise, it's around 17:38 in S2E3, in case you want to see for yourself.)

We get another cinematographic/auditory hint at the fact that Aziraphale's memory is heavily influenced by what he's feeling that very moment, when Dr. Mister Dalrymple –– FRCSE, thank you very much –– shows him the tumor he removed from the seven year old boy. You can see the shock and horror on Aziraphale's face once he learns of this child's cruel fate. We then proceed to hear Mr. Dalrymple's voice grow sort of echo-y and far away as the sad music swells up and drowns out his voice almost completely. It's awfully similar to what it feels like when really horrible news are broken to you and you dissociate and drift into a state of shock. Here's the clip of it, so you may listen for yourself:

It's clear that this is a very subjective portrayal of what Aziraphale is going through during this part of the memory. He's deeply horrified and saddened about the little boy having passed away so early in life – and we hear and feel this shock with him. Through him, because this is his memory. Whatever it is he's feeling and thinking, we're feeling and thinking it too because we're seeing it through his lense.

Another (less sad) hint at a possible exaggeration is the abnormally deep hole Crowley makes the two graveyard watch keepers fall into. I'm pretty sure he's very much in charge of his miracles, making this random slip-up seem a little silly – which is why I'm also pretty sure the "Might have slightly overdone it on that hole" is a wee bit of a meta hint at this just being another one of Aziraphale's dramatic bedazzlements of this story. For the *flings feather boa around neck* drama!

You know what else might be exaggerated? Hm, I dunno, maybe Crowley growing into the size of a tree for no apparent reason. Sure, yes, he's pretty high on Laudanum which is making him a bit loopy. But apart from that, it does seem an awfully big cinematographic euphemism for him being the metaphorical (and, once again, for the drama of it) literal bigger person in this scenario. He's the one who ends up saving Elspeth and who manages to secure a safe life without poverty and grave robbing for her. While Aziraphale was so tangled up in his own moral journey and main character-ism, missing that wee Morag was seconds away from death already, Crowley is the one who actually ends up growing stepping up for the human in need and saving them for good (pun intended).

In a way, it might just be Aziraphale's view of/feelings for Crowley in this very moment. Watching the demon outgrow what, according to Aziraphale's heavenly logic, is supposed to be a foul fiend, bestowing evil upon humanity – and growing into someone who does the exact opposite and saves Elspeth instead. Another larger-than-life character development, in Aziraphale's eyes. Literally.

Let's switch back to the topic of the diary entry one last time, so I can make my final point of the this minisode's unreliable and a smidge over-dramatic narration of Dr. McFell. If you pay close attention, Aziraphale starts the entry we're all getting to experience with: "Last month, Crowley and I both happened to be in Edinburgh." Which means it didn't actually happen on the 10th of November, but rather at some point in October, 1827. Once we see Crowley get hydro-pumped back to Hell after rescuing Elspeth, the minisode ends with, presumably, the last sentence of Aziraphale's diary entry: "And that was the last I would see of Crowley for quite some time."

Take my hand and let's look at where the furniture isn't: This very clearly means that Crowley couldn't have been gone for more than a month, at best. Read again: "It happened last month and that was the last I would see of him for quite some time." This, albeit indirectly, clearly implies that when Aziraphale had sat down to write the diary entry, he had already run into Crowley again. Otherwise his phrasing would have probably been more along the lines of "... and I haven't seen Crowley since" or "... and Crowley has yet to return from wherever it is Hell's currently keeping him".

What's the point I'm trying to make? Good question. I guess my main point of storyteller Aziraphale being a bit over-dramatic in his narration is simply backed up by this, since A Single Month would barely pass as "quite some time" for an immortal being like him. And yet that's how he puts it, in his little Confidential Journals of A.Z. Fell, Vol. 603.

And another point that has absolutely nothing to do with the topic of this meta (but I'm still gonna make it 'cause this is my memory post): The meeting at St. Jame's Park in 1862 that so many, post-S2, took to be their first run-in after the Story of wee Morag, actually wasn't that at all. They saw each other at least once only a month later, as Aziraphale's diary lets us know. Which explains why he wasn't very surprised or concerned when he met Crowley in London, 1862. If there really had been 35 years in between those two events, the first one ending with Crowley being sucked back Downstairs to receive more than three decades worth of hellish punishment, wouldn't Aziraphale have been at least a tiny bit worried or more interested than:

Just saying.

Alright, let's string this inflated hot air balloon of a post back together so we can outline some invisible furniture. This time with only two humble points:

Crowley through Aziraphale's lense Backed up by how we are introduced to Bildad the Shuhite in the Job minisode (suave, cheeky, smart, passionate in shoemaking and obstetrics), it's growing quite clear that Aziraphale's memories and impressions of Crowley are very fond and impressed ones. He sees him as someone who's not only witty, funny and cool, but also as someone who has figured out way sooner and faster than him that nothing's ever black and white. Not God's plans and not the human's choices either.

Aziraphale as a bit of an exaggerating adventure author With the direct parallel we get of inkslinger journalist!Aziraphale in the present day, it's quite apparent after this minisode that Aziraphale's memory is not only deeply influenced by his emotions, but that he also tends to have a bit of a dramatic touch to him. Although, you gotta give it to the guy: A month without seeing the love of your life, even if said life is eternal, can indeed seem like "quite some time".

Well, would you lookie here, we've reached the end of Part 2! What a journey it was. I hope you forgive me for the fact that I drifted off-course a few times. I just can't seem to reel in my silly little observations, even if they've got nothing to do with the point I'm trying to make. But hey, doesn't that just make me a little bit like Aziraphale's storytelling, in a way?

I'll let you be the judge of that.

See you in Part 3! And in case you haven't snuck a peak yet: here's Part 1 again.

Ta!

[harlotofupdog]

This was meant to be a groveling apology post but it turned into a rage meta post.

I have so many fics that I want to read or finish reading from writers whose work I truly adore, and so much art that I want to stare at and squeal about, and I just haven't got to it. There are fics that I am so in love with and I just… I can't open AO3 until I can just sit, y'know?

I know that literally no-one is counting on me for this stuff because I am a tiny wonker, but I feel perpetually awful about it nonetheless. I also have a bunch of fic stuff (writing and beta) that I never get to, and I'm now at the point where I'm so overwhelmed by all the things I need to do that I'm paralysed by procrastination. There's probably a few topsy-turvy chonkadonks of recent news that haven't helped, but the main thing is…

FUCKING HOTEL ROOMS.

I spend so much time in hotel rooms. I used to love hotel rooms. It felt like a little treat every time I stayed in a nice one. Bright white sheets, little sachets of tea and shitty instant coffee, minibars, dressing gowns, inconvenient power outlets, unflattering mirrors - I loved it all. But now I fucking dread them. They are my ultimate (bad) liminal spaces - just fancy transit points between the airport or the train station or the closest fucking McDonald's where I can eat a zillion nuggets until I feel better.

I've tried to be productive in hotel rooms, I really have. I bring my laptop, I bring my sketchpad. Sometimes I have a couple of free hours in the evening, and god, why don't I use them? Instead, I sit and think and scroll while I drink all the shitty tea and shitty coffee and sometimes an entire bottle of red or whatever tiny booze they have in the minibar.

It occurs to me, after 6000 years of fucking hotel rooms, that they are… Heaven. They are, right? Crisp, light, bright, stifling. There's the concierge in their nice suit, the fancy faux marble foyer, elevators that sneak up from behind and then DING as if you're the arsehole for facing the other way, mirrors fucking EVERYWHERE jump-scaring you with your own face, the end of the toilet paper folded into a little triangle... (whose bum needs that? A tiny triangle before the rest of the paper? No-one's bum needs that!)

And Heaven is always watching, isn't it?

The binful of teabags, the crumpled up packets of crisps-for-dinner, the empty bottle of wine - they will all be SEEN, along with the sanitary bag and the snotty tissues and the laddered stockings that I've wrenched off in a rage because now I have to go buy more. (WHY DID HOTELS GET RID OF BIN BAGS?)

We haven't even made it to the mortifying ordeal of ordering room service as a solo business traveler. I order the club sandwich, because that is the first thing you should order in a hotel, always - this is a rule. I eat it, it's fine. Club sandwiches have probably hauled me back from the edge of madness/chicken nuggets at least four times now. The next night, though, I don't want a club sandwich. I want something else.

A pizza.

There is no option to order a half pizza, and if I order a whole pizza, I will eat the whole pizza. So I order a whole pizza, obviously. I eat the pizza, because of course I do - it's not great, but it's kinda okay and it's something to do because I can't do any of the other things like live or breathe or exist in regular human form.

But when the pizza is gone, I look at the empty tray sitting on the slimy glass-topped desk and the realisation hits: they will know I know they know that I sat on my pristine bed, shoving melted cheese and prosciutto into my mouth, probably in full view of some late night meeting in the next building over, while staring at a wall and fervently wishing I were elsewhere.

There is probably sauce on the sheets and a bit of rocket on the floor that I can't find, and the TV remote is greasy af. It's basically a murder scene and I will feel guilty for the next millennia and a bit.

In conclusion...

Heaven is a panopticon and so is the Hilton. But Azi showed up for it, and so will I. Hopefully we can all make it back to the comfy, dusty book-filled spaces for good one day.

[ari-the-arotistic]

So I was thinking about pirates of the Caribbean, and each characters unique moral code and way of approaching life, as one does, when I remembered a particular scene about our beloved James Norrington... the very first scene in which Jack and James meet. Now, as a long time Sparrington shipper, I adore the Sparrington fandoms adopted head canon of Jack's compass pointing directly at Jack when James is holding it as having a romantic connotation too it, but this is Disney we're talking about, and a Disney from 20 years ago at that, so it is of course just a head canon. And while it is a beloved head canon, I will always be a writer before a shipper, and what that scene says about Norrington from a writer's perspective is far too juicy not to share... So buckle up for a very long meta post about who James Norrington is as a person, and how it was set up in this scene(and later reinforced in the second and third movie). This is my first real meta post, and I'm very excited for it, so let's jump right in.

First of all, the compass scene.

As we can clearly see in the image above, since the red line that points to the object of the holder's desires is no where to be seen, its relatively easy to conclude that it's hidden from our view by the sun dial in the middle, and thusly is pointing directly at Jack. Elizabeth is off to James's right, and no one is standing behind Jack, so unless the compass was pointing at something in the far off distance that just so happened to be in Jack's general direction(unlikely) its pretty clear what(or who) the compass is pointing at. For most potc fans, this is fairly standard knowledge. But it's what this fact says about Norrington's character that I'd like to focus on. After all, what does it say about a man that a compass that shows you what you desire most is pointing at a pirate, and the very face of piracy at that, instead of your canonical love interest, when you're a Commodore of the Navy? As stated above, Sparrington shippers often point at this scene as proof that James has a bit of a pash on the ruggedly handsome pirate, or at the very least, a thing for men. But from a writer's perspective, this just simply isn't the case, and not because the writer's in this instance are the notoriously homophobic corporation we call Disney. The reason why this is so unlikely from a writing perspective is because given the context clues, we as an audience are meant to draw the conclusion that this is the first time that they meet(I have heard rumors of them meeting as children in the books, but having never read them, and focusing only on the movies, I'm not including that in this post). And since this is the first time they've met, it's highly unlikely that the compass is pointing at Jack because James has a bit of a thing for him. Even if James has heard of Jack's many exploits, he does not truly know the man behind the legend, so having romantic feelings for the pirate at this point in time just isn't believable. And even if James was a closeted gay/bi man, it's still unlikely that the compass would be pointing at Jack of all the men around the Commodore(of which there is a lot, some of whom he is incredibly close with) seeing as Jack is the poster boy of piracy, and at this point in the movie it's made abundantly clear that James vehemently detests the notion and all who practice it. If James were to be holding the compass in Jack's vicinity in later movies and it still pointed at the pirate, an argument could definitely be made that it was because he had developed feelings for Jack, but for their first meeting, it's just not realistic. So it's much more likely that the reason the compass is pointing at Jack is because of James's desire to send every pirate he meets to "a quick drop and a sudden stop" as he so eloquently put it to a young Elizabeth. This is further reinforced in the third movie when it is revealed that Beckett's desire to have Jack dead at his feet would prevent him from using the compass to find Shipwreck Cove if the pirate was not already at the aforementioned location, or, well, dead. This is again, relatively common knowledge. But like I said before, it's what this fact says about James that is the whole point of this post... and that is that James cares more about his career than anything else, even the woman he claims to love. Now for some, that statement alone might seem like a pretty obvious conclusion, but it's how this scene subtlety sets up this core aspect of Norrington's character before we even truly get to know who he is, and how it's brought to it's full height in the second movie, and the core aspect of his redemption and subsequent death in the third that I'd really like to talk about. Which brings us to the next segment of this post...

How James lost his commission to the navy...

And how he got it back

So let's start off with how James lost his commission... it's a story we all know pretty well, and one he tells to Gibbs in the scene shown above, when he plans to either join Jack's crew or get revenge on the man that(he believes) ruined his life. After Jack's escape in the first movie, James grew obsessed with capturing the pirate, so much so that he foolishly followed the Black Pearl into a hurricane, resulting in the sinking of the Dauntless, and the loss of countless lives that had been aboard the vessel. It's unclear aside from James himself who had been on the ship at the time, and who did or did not survive, but the death toll was heavy, with most, if not everyone who wasn't James, having perished in the storm. While it is not the most extreme example(which we'll get too in just a bit), this is a pretty clear example of James prioritizing his career above everything else, even reason and logic. And all just to capture a singular pirate, even at the cost of his own ship and crew, and rather ironically, the very career that he had been so desperately trying to hold onto in the first place. Which brings us to the next scene I'd like to discuss... James stealing the heart of Davy Jones. This moment is the absolute peak of this part of James's character. This is the moment where James takes his obsessive need for his career to the max. This is the moment where James truly prioritizes his career above everything else, even the woman he claims to love(and for Sparrington shippers, above the man he's reluctantly come to care about). At this point in time, when James decides to take the heart for himself to regain his old station, he's been on the Black Pearl long enough to know the full situation. That Jack is in some kind of trouble with Davy Jones, and that if Jack doesn't use the heart to bargain for his freedom, then the Kraken will hunt Jack, and subsequently the Black Pearl, down until he and everyone aboard are dead. And that includes Elizabeth. And yet, despite knowing that stealing the heart would basically mean sealing Elizabeth's death, he still decided to do so. Sure, the argument could be made that he thought Elizabeth would be able to escape somehow, but the chances of her dying at sea, or some other terrible fate befalling her before she could safely make it back to civilization would have been highly likely. Of course we as an audience know that this isn't the case, but James does not. So essentially, James was so obsessed with his career, and maintaining the image of the honorable Commodore that he didn't even truly register that he was putting Elizabeth, the woman he loves and has been trying so desperately to woo for the past two movies, in danger. And he won't fully realize the consequences of his actions until the third movie, in a deleted scene no less(I swear when I find whoever decided to delete some of the most important scenes to James's character...), when Davy Jones informs Governor Swann of his daughters untimely demise on the Black Pearl. Of course, almost immediately afterwards, Beckett retcons that statement by informing the Governor that Elizabeth was recently seen in Singapore, but for a few minutes, James has to sit with the fact that Elizabeth was dead, and it was his fault. And even after learning that she was in fact still alive, James has now finally come to the realization that if she had still been on the Black Pearl when it sank with its Captain, he would've been the one to send her to her death. And for Sparrington shippers, James has to sit with the unavoidable fact that he was the reason Jack had died(even if the pirate does come back), despite the fact that it was Elizabeth's betrayal that was the final nail in Jack's coffin, since she wouldn't have had to do that if the Kraken wasn't after them in the first place. Which brings us to the final scene I'd like to discuss...

James choosing a side, and paying the price

Now, before we fully delve into this scene, I'd like to take a moment to talk about James's own perception of himself, and his relationship with honor and integrity. From the very first scene in which we meet James Norrington, we are made aware that he has a strong moral compass. He firmly believes piracy is evil, and that all who partake in piracy deserve a swift end. He perceives his Commodore persona as being the paragon of honor and integrity, and the sole arbiter of justice. We can infer from the line "By remembering that I serve others, Sparrow, not just myself" that James does have honorable intentions when ridding the world of pirates, that being protecting the innocent citizens under his care, but as seen once again in the first time James and Jack meet, wherein James adamantly tries to arrest Jack despite the fact the fact that pirate had just saved Elizabeth's life, his actions to achieve that goal are not always quite as honorable as his intentions are. This is especially highlighted once again when James gave Beckett the heart of Davy Jones. James's intentions here were once again rooted in honor and integrity - he believes that the only way to keep people safe from pirates is too return to his old station, to the image of honor and integrity he had built around the title of Commodore, and the only way to return to his old station is to give Beckett the heart. But the action itself was far from honorable, seeing as James had to betray the woman he loved just to obtain the heart, and that he was now putting it into the hands of a dangerously unstable individual who planned on using it to commit mass genocide.

And now, we finally get to the scene above... Of course, it's made clear throughout his scenes in the third movie leading up to this one that James is already starting to regret giving Beckett the heart after seeing the damage being caused, but since Beckett is targeting pirates specifically(although we as an audience know that Beckett's definition of pirate is very loose) James figures that the ends justify the means, as he often does in situations regarding piracy. It is not until his reunion with Elizabeth, where he learns that Governor Swann is dead, and that Beckett lied to him about the Governor's whereabouts, that James truly realizes the enormity of his mistake. It is in this moment that James has a sudden realization that fundamentally shakes him to his core, and is the reason behind his change of heart later on. He realizes that the honorable Commodore persona that he had tried to cultivate and keep a hold of for so long had never been truly honorable at all, and that by giving Beckett the heart of Davy Jones, he had effectively tied the noose around the neck of his own honor and integrity, as well as the necks of hundreds, if not thousands of innocent people, with his own hands. And as that one vine goes, this was the moment James knew, he fucked up. Which leads to his decision to change sides in an attempt to redeem himself, and his subsequent death in the process. Of course, part of James's reason for helping Elizabeth escape was that he does care for her, but given everything I've detailed about him so far, I think it's safe to say the main reason that James decided to help Elizabeth and her crew was because he wanted to undo the damage he had done, and he had faith that Elizabeth, Will, and Jack would have some sort of plan to defeat Beckett, and stop any further damage to come from his mistake. And now, for his death scene itself... As much as I love the idea of James surviving and joining the pirates(whether at Elizabeth's side or Jack's is unimportant), I firmly believe that his death was a necessary end of this part of his character arc, and that if he were to survive he would still have to go through a major ego death for this part of his character arc to end properly. Because as Bill turner drives that wooden pike into James's gut, it's not just the physical death of his body, but also the metaphorical death of Admiral James Norrington, and the ideals that James had used to build the persona out of. So even if James survived, the Admiral would still have to meet his metaphorical end, thusly causing James to lose a core part of himself that had been guiding most his decisions so far, in the process, which would start the next part of his character arc, where he would have to deal with the loss of a key part of his personality, and rebuild himself from the ground up to finally, truly become the image of honor and integrity he had envisioned from the beginning.

And that concludes this very long post. I could probably wax enough poetics about this aspect of James's character to write a short novel, but I've said everything important to this post, and if I go on any longer, I'm likely to start repeating myself lol. Thank you for reading, and feel free to share your thoughts in the comments or a reblog! I will always love hearing more about our polished peacock <3

[beautifulhigh]

Hi hi!! It's unfair of me to ask you to actually write the full essay on the rwrb red room kiss scene, but I saw your tags and am very interested in at least what the main thesis would be, if you feel like sharing!! No worries if not 😊 Have a good night/day/whatever time it is where you are!

The last few weeks have been, well. They've Been™ and I'm going to use this wonderful ask to dust off my overthinking tag and write a meta post on this movie, these boys, and then hope more than three people care what I have to say.

The Red Room kiss scene is Iconic™ and Important™ and in this essay I (really) will discuss agency, framing, and why it always had to be Alex to be the one to make the move.

While book!Alex takes book!Henry to the Red Room, here he's waiting. Bundle of nervous energy. He doesn't know what to do with himself, how to hold himself, how to present himself when Henry turns up. He's backlit in this (which is a theatre technique, I see you Matthew) but it also adds to the drama and tension of the scene.

The (in)famous painting of Hamilton, about to bear witness to things.

We jump cut between Alex trying to find... something. Here he is realising his shirt has come slightly undone and he wants to try and be somewhat presentable. At least for the moment. But it speaks to Alex's physicality in this scene because he is shifting and moving so much that his clothing is shifting. There's also an interpretation that this suit represents the formality of the situation - the Prime Minister's dinner, at which he (the First Son) and the boy he wants to kiss (the actual Prinec) are supposed to be front and centre and the picture of formality.

He's coming undone in this moment because he's the First Son and he's waiting for the Prince, but he's also Alex and he's waiting for Henry.

Ah, yes. The casual lean against the wall. Fancy seeing you here, your Royal Highness, what do you think of the menu? But there's grounding here too. When you're spiralling focusing on a physical point of contact between you and and something can help ground you.

It's also a defensive stance in a way. You shall not pass, I'm not moving. Alex is claiming space and territory and he's controlling it.

"How dare you fucking kiss me, run away, ghost me, then walk into the White House like nothing changed." This is closed off, defensive, protective - probably why it's the quickest of the poses to be dismissed. He's got his back against the wall like he's scared or ready to come out fighting. And, in a way, both of those are true.

Book!Alex is mid-crisis on his bisexuality and while he logically knows he is very much into Henry, he's not gotten to the point of turning theory into reality.

Movie!Alex is more chill about being into guys, but this attraction to Henry is confusing him. He hates the guy. He wants to punch him in the mouth. With his mouth.

(What? That's literally book canon: and if he weren’t already hell-bent on destroying Henry’s infuriating idiot face with his mouth right now, he would consider doing it with his fist.)

Casual lean against the table, less staged and jarring than the extended arm against the wall.

But then Henry walks in and Alex stands to attention and he is... rapt. He is calm and composed and he is focused. We're back to the back-lit position which helps frame him with a near-halo effect.

And you can see that he is relaxed. There's a slight drop in the jaw, his shoulders are sloped and rounded. Because none on what he was trying to convey before matters. Henry is here.

"Look" he starts with - he's expecting a fight. He's expecting Alex to go off on one for the kiss, for the liberty taken. Even if Alex is willing to forget that it ever happened, take Henry's secret to the grave, Henry gets one thing right in this.

"my behaviour was appalling"

Because it was. Look, Hen, I love you and I'm with Alex in the feeling that I will go to war for you to see you happy and safe. But you did kinda kiss him without consent (harsh reading) and you did ghost him without apology (soft reading) and for a boy raised in the Royal Household that... well... it's pretty much top items on the Very Bad Behaviour list. He did not act with decorum or dignity, he did not act in the way that his status and position demands.

(That's OK, Hen. Because the boy under the linden tree wasn't the Prince. It's OK to not be him, and Alex is going to spend the rest of his life loudly loving the man, not the prince.)

"Shut up, stop talking." // “Shut up, shut all the way up, oh my God,” Alex hisses

Because even though both versions of Alex said he wanted to talk to Henry, in the moment that's the last thing he wants to do. And actions speak louder than words, right?

Why it had to be Alex

Henry needed to make the first move, that New Year's kiss, because there needed to be something to make Alex realise that this thing he's feeling is very much reciprocated, and that Henry wants it too. If Alex had kissed Henry for the first time on New Year's Eve/Day then it would have been too much of a leap. Alex, at whatever stage of his bisexual journey, has no clear idea of Henry's orientation at that party. It's only with retrospective viewing that he realises that Henry was low-key flirting, and that the sharing of these deeply personal moments wasn't just a "two bros in a hot tub" thing.

So Henry had to kiss Alex first but then he had to run because there was no way that the mostly-closeted, private Prince could accept that a) he fucking kissed a boy, b) said boy is the one he's been dreaming of since Rio/Melbourne, and c) the boy kinda?? kissed him back?? Henry will have been having a low-grade anxiety attack all through January (and trying to reclaim some control with the date he went on in the book).

In this moment, Alex knows all the pieces. He's played this logic game to its conclusion and he knows all the facts. 1) Henry is gay. 2) Henry is into him. 3) He's into Henry. That last fact is something Henry isn't fully aware of (or at least can't bring himself to believe it to be true) and so it has to be Alex.

He doesn't want Henry to say something that would get in the way of this, doesn't want to hear any kind of pre-prepared speech of "yeah, we're better off as friends" that always happens when the couple get too close to getting together too early in the run time. Alex is full on shutting that down, shutting Henry up, and he gives as good as he got.

"Wait a minute" // Henry’s too shocked to respond, mouth falling open slackly in a way that’s more surprise than invitation, and for a horrified moment Alex thinks he calculated all wrong, but then Henry’s kissing him back, and it’s everything.

And this time it's both of them. Framed between Hamilton and the books. The American political trailblazer and the literary. In the space between? There's our boys.

Alex's hand is on the wall again and he's controlling the space but Henry is very much in it. He's protective but in a different way.

In one frantic motion, Alex knocks the candelabra off the table next to them and pushes Henry onto it so he’s sitting with his back against—Alex looks up and almost breaks into deranged laughter—a portrait of Alexander Hamilton. Henry’s legs fall open readily and Alex crowds up between them, wrenching Henry’s head back into another searing kiss. They’re really moving now, wrecking each other’s suits, Henry’s lip caught between Alex’s teeth, the portrait’s frame rattling against the wall when Henry’s head drops back and bangs into it. Alex is at his throat, and he’s somewhere between angry and giddy, caught up in the space between years of sworn hate and something else he’s begun to suspect has always been there. It’s white-hot, and he feels crazy with it, lit up from the inside. Henry gives as good as he gets, hooking one knee around the back of Alex’s thigh for leverage, delicate royal sensibilities nowhere in the cut of his teeth. Alex has been learning for a while Henry isn’t what he thought, but it’s something else to feel it this close up, the quiet burn in him, the pent-up person under the perfect veneer who tries and pushes and wants. He drops a hand onto Henry’s thigh, feeling the electrical pulse there, the smooth fabric over hard muscle. He pushes up, up, and Henry’s hand slams down over his, digging his nails in.

The sensibility of the suits is on its way out, they're not the First Son and the Prince. And Alex is taking the lead.

Agency

Henry is somewhat passive in this - although he is fully engaged - but it's Alex who set this in motion. Pun intended. Alex who pushed him against the wall. Alex who pushed him up onto the table and hiked his leg up around his hip, Alex who is driving in. Because Alex needs Henry to know that third fact. The one he's worked out, the one that Henry is just catching up with. This isn't payback, it's not some prank. Alex Wants™.

There's a scene I'm writing in my current FirstPrince WiP in which Alex and Henry have a charged moment. And Henry wants to act on it but those princely sensibilities get in the way and he can't let himself be led into doing something that could be used against him. If Henry made all the moves then the accusation of him taking advantage, of the inherant imbalance that comes with status and titles and positions of power. So in the scene, and here, Alex takes the lead. There's no way anyone could accuse Henry of forcing Alex into doing this.

(Good luck getting Alex to do ANYTHING he doesn't want to.)

So Alex gives and Henry takes and he gets the memo very quickly.

Fact number three. Alex wants this too.

Then Movie!Amy walks in on them (which IMO is way funnier than Book!Amy hissing through a crack in the door) and these idiots try to act like they weren't redefining International Relations a second ago. Alex is by the painting, Henry is by the books. They've gone back to their sides and they're playing at being interested in what they find there. But they're not, it's all for show, someone who gives a passing glance at this point sees this part of them, this side of them The First Son and the Prince: the politician and the literary.

They're both backlit, they're in line even if it doesn't look like it, Alex is no longer on Henry's right, and they're both trying to act like the people that others could see them as.

But we - and they - know better. 1) Henry is gay. 2) Henry is into Alex. 3) Alex is into Henry.

4) Everyone is on the same page now.

(Also I know Casey talked about seeing the Red Room on a White House tour and so that's why they included a scene in that room in their book, but I cannot ignore the fact that red = love and passion and danger and fire [the counter to the water motif] and it's a warm colour designed to excite.)

[catpriciousmarjara]

Katekyo Hitman Reborn!: Namimori Location

(Documenting my research process so I won't forget and get confused why I did something in a fic during a later read through. Nothing serious really.)

Where exactly is Namimori in canon?

As I was writing a khr fic, I realized I needed the exact location of Namimori for one sentence. A sentence that wasn't even important in the long run. Rather than abandon that single sentence I decided to try and locate where the town of Namimori would be in Japan. Because apparently I like pain.

There is virtually no information on the actual location of Namimori anywhere. So I had went on a research binge. And I found something that gave me a starting point.

In 2009, there was a special KHR episode that was aired during the Jump Super Anime Tour titled, Vongola Style School Trip, Arrives!

Saying that I found it is not that accurate. Its more that I went looking for an episode like this specifically. This isn't the first time I tried to locate fictional locations on a map for the sake of the plot. And I've realized that episodes centered around trips provide amazing clues, especially where the trip starts, where it ends, the scenery outside etc.

Thats what I hoped for here as well. And the hunch paid off! Between timestamps 3:07-3:10, there's a map. Not very detailed mind you. Just enough to show the direction where they came from. But that's better than nothing.

So they're going to Nagoya city, which is in the Aichi Prefecture. Its in the Chūbu region. It also looks like they're coming from the Kanto region, possibly from the direction of Tokyo.

So that means we can leave out the Kansai, Chugoku, Shikoku, and Kyushu regions in the south. There's no way Namimori is in Hokkaido, or Okinawa, so those two prefectures are out as well. The most likely locations for the town to be in is in the Kanto, and Chubu regions.

Comparing the physical map of Japan with the short glimpse we get, I'm reasonably sure they passed by Mt. Fuji as well.

See that little protrusion under Fuji-san? I'm pretty sure thats what we see in the map shown in the episode. So yeah they passed Mount Fuji.

Another thing, see that arch like thing before the protrusion? Thats Kanagawa prefecture, and we can see in the very beginning of the video, around the 0.03-0.04 timestamps, that they don't start anywhere there.

See? They pass by it completely and started somewhere well before Kanagawa. So Kanagawa is out.

Lets go back to Fuji-san again.

The mountain lies between the Yamanashi and Shizuoka prefecture borders.

That gives us three possible routes:

Chiba-> Tokyo-> Yamanashi-> Shizuoka-> Aichi [Nagoya City}

Tokyo-> Yamanashi-> Shizuoka-> Aichi [Nagoya City}

Yamanashi -> Shizuoka -> Aichi [Nagoya City]

Why did I decide on Tokyo as the starting point in Kanto despite there being other prefectures in the region?

In KHR's seventh volume, Hot Summer Arrives!, we get chapter 57, Swimming at the Sea. Its a beach chapter.

The beach is described as being close by and the fact that Ryohei's boxing club senpai, Kuroda Eiji and his buddies Kisanuki Yukio and Ookura Takuya, apparently work there as lifeguards, supports this. (You know...cos they're in middle school and all and jobs at that age tend to be close by...for civilians at least.)

Which means that prefectures like Saitama, Tochigi, and Gunma, which are all landlocked as you can see on the map below, are automatically disqualified as locations for Namimori.

By that same logic, Yamanashi is also disqualified.

Ibaraki is not counted because despite the abrupt beginning and ending of the map scene in the episode, we can guess that the starting point of the trip wasn't quite that far back. By the curve of the arrow I mean. {Yeah I know this is a reach but I'm pretty sure I'm right.}

That just leaves Tokyo and Chiba.

The argument in favour of Chiba is a meta one. Tokyo is an iconic location when it comes to manga and anime. Most anime set in Tokyo shows several shenanigans centered around Tokyo's various landmarks. Even works not set in Tokyo sometimes have Tokyo episodes and Tokyo adventures. Like Haikyuu for example.

Considering how much shenaniganry and crackishness KHR has, it would be very strange if it was set in Tokyo and yet didn't have any Tokyo misadventures in it. Reborn would just go ahead and name Tokyo Tower Vongola Tower or something just like he named Nagoya Castle Vongola Castle. So Namimori might not be in Tokyo, but in Chiba instead...which is still part of the Greater Tokyo Area now that I think about it, so still Tokyo in a way?

I couldn't find a way to clearly articulate an argument in favour of Tokyo when a friend send me this link.

I was walking on a path well-tread! @ladydraculena had already slashed through the figurative jungles for me!

I went looking for the two locations marked in the map in their post but it seems like Namimori Steamed Buns has since closed down. Hibari Nursery School on the other hand is going strong.

With this information the argument in favour of Tokyo grew much stronger.

Thus canonically the town of Namimori is most likely located in Tokyo and if not in Tokyo proper, definitely in the Greater Tokyo Area.

(Please note that I left the Tohoku region out of this. The region is very distinct and neither anime nor the manga has shown a singular sign of being set in Tohoku. By that I mean that if a work is set in Tohoku, it would be impossible to hide its Tohoku, or mistake it as somewhere else.)

Edit: @rooigseix pointed out that since most of KHR's usual shenanigans strictly happens in Namimori, the usual Tokyo adventure trope meta might not be applicable in this case. Namimori might be far away from Tokyo centre like the Ota or Edogawa districts, which are close to the sea as well.

Edit: @lightning-will-bovino pointed out Kokuyo land and there is in fact a theme park called Noah Forest Amusement Park or Mori-no-Yeunchi near the Hibari Nursery School!

It seems very likely that Amano-sensei was inspired by the area. It might not be where Namimori is actually located but the existence of these establishments in close quarters lends further credence to the theory of Namimori being in the Tokyo area.

In conlusion, the most likely location of Namimori would be in Tokyo prefecture but close to the Chiba border. Not landlocked as well.

Thus, Edogawa ward is the most suitable location.

And after all of that, I decided that Tokyo wasn't a good fit for my fic's Namimori and by my magical writer powers shifted it to Mie Prefecture instead. ╥﹏╥

[bakuhatsufallinlove]

Hello, have you seen the latest ch of MHA 423? Is it true that bkdk really killed kurogiri? How do you feel about shigaraki dying in the end and deku reaction towards it? Sorry for asking too many questions but I really can't stand those bkdk killed kurogiri allegations and your metas of bkdk are really good.

Anon, I'm gonna be honest with you. My feelings can be summed up as follows:

Stuff like this is the reason you don't see me posting reactions every chapter. Jokes and conspiracy theories and "omg what if" posts are all in good fun, but every week, some people talk like this is The Absolute Last Word on every plot line even vaguely referenced in the chapter.

And I don't get it at all. When I'm reading the new chapters, the most I can tell you is that I have fun and I find it interesting. I'm engaged. I'm curious to see what comes next and how it's gonna pan out. I definitely have my own thoughts, feelings, and hopes! But I put them in a little stasis box of anticipation, ready for when I can find out more.

So when people lose their shit over something, it just feels so unnecessary to me. Especially something that happens right at the very end of the chapter, because more often than not that's the jumping off point for the next installment, as opposed to a cut-away to a different scene.

How many times have we gotten a cliff-hanger or shocking ending to a chapter, only for the very next chapter to reverse the event or reveal we were misled about its meaning? How many times has that happened in this very scene?

The reason I can write thousands of words analyzing Deku vs. Kacchan 2 is because it's over. The entire event is complete. Maybe there will be future chapters that reference it or inform our view of it, but it's done. This final arc isn't done--hell, this scene isn't even remotely done!

Furthermore, I am of the opinion that people saying bkdk killed Kurogiri probably don't like Izuku or Katsuki to begin with, so I really don't think anything out of my mouth is going to persuade them one way or the other. And I'm certainly not going to waste my breath trying to argue about something we'll have an answer for in like, two weeks.

Ongoing series thrive on making you want to know what happens next. Me personally, I'm having a good time wanting to know what happens next.

I guess the only thing I want to ask the people making these claims is: Why do you read mha like you're waiting for it to upset you? Why are you expecting this series to disappoint you?

The answer isn't for my benefit, just so you know.

[rvb-canon-grimmons]

RVB RESTORATION THOUGHTS!!!!

LONG POST IM SO SORRY I HAD A LOT OF FEELINGS

(Im so sorry this got so long, but i got emotional while writing it so please bear with me, read this like its the morning paper while u eat breakfast or something i have alot to say)

Before I go into the things I didn't like I do want to focus on some positives.

-Like I said in an earlier post, Geoff's acting…he absolutely killed it, and maybe this is because I'm a little bit Geoff/Grif biased but he was giving so much emotion and everyone else felt a little bit flat. Also only he could have delivered the "Come with me" line with so much Homoeroticism -I Had a pretty fun time watching the fight in the second half, The references to Monty we're sweet and getting to see Tex and Carolina fight together was pretty epic! -A good handful of jokes got me good. "23rd in my class" Shelia translating Caboose's Spanish to Lopez

Ok……. the next bit of this will get a little bit negative, but I do want to say this is coming from a place of deep love and care for this series. I have run this blog for like 6/7 years now and I've been a fan of this show for double that. My biggest fear is that fans get the same treatment we did when no one liked RVBZero. I have criticisms. This is a 21 year old series that so many people have had a part in and so many have loved. I was not looking for perfection, I wasn't even looking for something good. I was looking for an ending to the stories of characters people have held in their hearts for 21 years. Unfortunately, what I feel we were left with was a hastily thrown together hour of basically nothing.

-Why weren't they friends…..Why weren't they friends…No one cared for the others. I understand that we have semi warped perceptions of the characters from fanon works and things of that nature. But even in canon, the reds and blue care about each other. On their own team and the other team. Simmons, Grif, Tucker, and Caboose spent MONTHS together in chorus and same for Donut/Sarge/Wash. I've recently rewatched blood gulch and Caboose and Sarge have a great dynamic! Tucker and Grif canonically get along pretty well. Simmons was ON BLUE TEAM for like a hot minute there. THEY KNOW EACH OTHER AND CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER. This was zero percent present in this film. No one had any motivation to look for Tucker. No one cared that it was Tuckers body inside the suit. THE REDS LEFT CABOOSE FOR DEAD!!!!!! THEY JUST LEFT HIM!!!!

-Tucker, I'm so sorry baby girl, this was supposed to be your arc, your moment. You were hardly in it. No build up to how he became the Meta. The scene where he breaks out of it to not kill caboose was the best part of the arc. And he just wakes up and remembers it "like someone elses Nightmare??" ok sure

-Wash………………WHAT THE FUCK???? WHAT THE FUCK???????????????? WHAT THE FUCK??????? WHAT THE FUCK???? TO RUIN THIS MANS ENTIRE CHARACTER ARC BY MAKING HIM COMPLETELY OBSOLETE. PUTTING HIM IN SOME RANDOM HOSPITAL FOR AN UNKNOWN INJURY THAT HAPPENS OFF SCREEN AND ISN'T EXPLAINED. HAVE HIM HALUCINATING DOC FOR SOME FUCKING REASON. HAVE HIM SHOW UP TO THE FINAL BATTLE AND DO ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING BUT JUMP OFF A FUCKING CLIFF AND NOT SAY A WORD TO ANY OF THE RED AND BLUES I AM LIERALLY ABOUT TO FUCKING CRY TYPING THIS I AM LITERALLY SO FUCKING PISSED OFF. AGENT WASHINGTON, THE CHARACTER THAT WAS SO HAPPY IN THE SEASON RIGHT BEFORE CHORUS JUST TO BE ON BLUE TEAM AND HAVE A FUCKING FAMILY AGAIN. JUST SIDELINE HIM FOR NO FUCKING REASON AND THEN NOT LET HIM SPEAK TO ANY OF HIS FRIENDS EXCEPT CAROLINA AND DEAD DOC. AND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE FACT THAT TUCKER BEING THE META WAS LITERALLY A PLOT POINT CATERED TO HAVE WASH BE INVOLVED. THIS IS LIKE AGENT WASHINGTON ANGST BAIT 101. YES IM A TUCKINGTON SHIPPER BUT PUT ALL SHIPPING ASIDE, THEY WERE STILL FRIENDS, THEY WERE FRIENDS THEY WERE FRIENDS.

Grimmons. I am disappointed. But really not surprised. Honestly for everything I disliked I thought Grimmons was handled ok… at this point im like….. they couldn't even throw us a bone. company was dying, final season airing, and they couldn't even throw us a solid Grimmons queerbait joke. Its whatever….I don't wanna get too upset about shipping because at the end of the day, ships becoming canon isn't what shipping is all about (says Tumblr user "RVB-Canon-Grimmons) you get what im saying.

-Donut…..where was he…..Fucking Homophobic honestly

-DOC IS DEAD?????????????????????????????? FUCKING WHY???

-Sarge's death was fine, I'm not upset by it I just didn't feel like it was emotionally satisfying. Especially after the shock of them leaving Caboose and the much better scene of tucker fighting the meta's control over him to not hurt caboose.

-PEOPLE CALLED U SIR ALL THROUGHOUT CHORUS SIMMONS WHAT THE FUCK??????????? WHY IS SIMMONS PROMOTED AND INCHARGE OF NO ONE???? WHY DID GRIF LEAVE HIM???

Im sorry………..this is so long………just remeber this is only my opinions and if u don't agree thats totally ok!!!!! I am just a critical bitch….

[actual-changeling]

you know, i was getting all sorts of ick feelings from the apology dance, and I'm so glad you pointed that out as not actually very cute or romantic in one of your posts, because yeah. it wasn't.

anyways i also just really love all of your crowley meta it's so well thought out and everything about trauma and healthy relationships i- it's just all amazing, so thank you (and sorry for the rambling lol)

Thank you! And never feel bad for rambling, I love rambling with people about this show.

The apology dance is such a sore spot for me, the entire first episode is, really. At first it seems - cute, funny, you laugh, and then don't think about it too much.

But then you do think about it and suddenly it is everything but romantic.

I might write a whole meta post about it at some point but the summary is basically as follows.

Aziraphale calls Crowley to meet him in the café and we're literally starting off with "don't say anything" for no reasons, but alright. Then he talks around the point, lies to Crowley's face, and eventually brings him to the bookshop only because Nina sped the whole thing up with the naked man comment. Aziraphale does not warn Crowley, doesn't say anything, nothing. Just jumps it on him.

THEN he refuses to "ask him properly", expecting Crowley to play bad cop and do the dirty work.

When Crowley tries to be a fucking adult about it and actually talk to Aziraphale in private, Aziraphale is already not listening to him. We get the "exactly" question, Aziraphale ignores every single issue Crowley points out because he has already decided what he is going to do. What he wants from Crowley is not a solution - he wants him to say "yes and" and do what he has in mind.

He THEN behaves like a fucking five year old with his "You're at liberty to go". I am holding myself back here but in short, this is a manipulation tactic. He is LITERALLY guilt tripping Crowley.

Crowley is incredibly taken aback and rightfully hurt, and Aziraphale feels bad and goes back to begging him for help - and Crowley almost says yes. He is about to say yes because he loves him and wants to keep him save.

Aziraphale however, for fucking childish reasons, goes back to his temper tantrum and throws "if you won't, you won't" into Crowley's face, sits down, and watches him leave. After HE called HIM for help because again, he didn't want help. He wanted a "yes of course aziraphale do you want a massage too or maybe a cocktail?"

But nooooo, of course it's Crowley who needs to apologize, and the fact that he is forced into doing the dance by Aziraphale is such a funny haha romantic laugh moment and not at all the fucking climax of Aziraphale's entire manipulation tactic.

Yeah. Fuck that, is my final thought. Conclusion: not funny, someone get Crowley into a healthier environment asap.

this turned into a little meta post i hope you don't mind rip i'm in a mood today

[technicallyverycowboy]

playboyy: no fags, no femmes

okay, so. playboyy meta. thanks to @lugarn, @chaos0pikachu, and @cryptidafter for talking all this out with me <3

i originally started this post with "not to be that guy," but honestly, i do want to be that guy. because so much of the critique and analysis of playboyy i'm seeing is a) grounded in a lack of knowledge about queer history and aesthetics and b) veers unintentionally but wildly into unexamined homophobia.

so, given i'm going to reference susan sontag's notes on camp several times, i've decided i might as well go full queer studies major about it and copy the list style she uses. (i would highly recommend reading notes on camp. it is academic and somewhat dense, but it's a tame 13 pages)

1. so many people are confidently asserting that playboyy is not camp, regardless of what the creatives behind the show think. to which i have to ask: how are you defining camp? what things are campy to y'all?

2. the personal definition of camp that i arrived at after writing a bunch of papers about it is two-fold: camp is exaggeration, treating things that are serious casually and treating things that are casual seriously. camp is about an aesthetic of inhabiting a role, where something is a little bit off or being something that it's not meant to be.

and to be clear, this is a wildly incomplete and simplified definition, because one of the points of camp is that it's a vibe, not something concrete. It’s also something that shifts over time the relationship between queerness and society changes.

2a. camp often intersects and overlaps with surrealism, like in rocky horror picture show. very often media that is campy exits the mundane world and enters a heightened world of exaggeration and stylization. 

3. so, is playboyy campy? i sure as hell think it is. i think lugarn and chaos0pikachu both made really good points about the campiness of playboyy and it being specifically sexwork camp. (both replies are at that link.)

4. a brief list of things that specifically resonated as campy to me: first throwing american dollars in the pool for soong to catch, zouey's fantasy of feeling up teena in art class, every single element of nant's room (especially the projected images), captain's sports plot that involved zero doing the sport and 100% fucking and fantasy, the softly romantic framing of nuth and phob's sex scenes, jump's pleather tank top & coverall combination, prom wearing assless chaps to a rooftop party at 2:30 in the afternoon, the entire concept of investigating a disappearance via a themed party... i could go on and on, but i said this was brief.

5. i think the actual problem a lot of people have with playboyy is that it doesn't care about straight people.

6. what i mean by that is that playboyy is not a universal story. you could not plug different characters with different sexualities into the plot and preserve the essence of the story. the gayness of the characters is integral to the plot. the sex work is integral to the plot. this is not a world where homophobia doesn't exist and being gay is just like being straight.

7. additionally, these characters are all performing gender in a specifically queer way. they are femmes and fags, they are obvious, they are clockable, they're visible. when nice gays talk about the people who are giving gays a bad reputation and making it harder for everyone (to assimilate into heteropatriarchy) they're talking about playboyy gays.

8. comparing playboyy to only friends is low hanging fruit at this point, but i would argue that the reason boston stood out in that cast and was so viciously punished by the ending is because he was a fag stuck in a nice gays narrative.

9. and this is where the fandom homophobia comes in. so, so many people describe these characters and chaotic and messy, watchable as incoherent and vaguely amusing from a distance, but without real substance. the resulting narrative is often that no one could take their characters or their stories seriously or resonate with them.

10. again, why? why was ray and sand's high and low, blow up fights, calling each other whores relatable but soong and first's miscommunications about what they mean to each other unbelievable chaos? why is white taking black's place an acceptable plot point, but nont pretending to be nant is absurd?

11. most bls do not deal with flamboyance except in limited capacities by comedic side characters. flamboyance is a baseline trait for most of the playboyy characters. so if they feel too much, too loud, too out there, consider asking yourself why they do.

12. to a large extent, i think a lot of the criticism of playboyy is rooted in a bad faith refusal to engage with the show beyond a surface level pearl clutching about the sexual content. the unspoken belief here being that sex scenes are inherently vulgar distractions. they can't be integral to characters or their relationships. they can't be vital pieces of a narrative.

to which i say, there are nine thousand other BLs out there where the kissing is chaste and sex scenes are ~tastefully abstracted shots of shoulder blades and hands. watch those instead.

13. if you decide you want to watch it anyway, take a couple minutes to examine what parts of the show make you uncomfortable and why. and to be clear, i think there’s a lot of value in watching things that make you uncomfortable; media is often one of the best ways to dip into interrogating your emotional responses from a safe distance. 

but don’t use discomfort to dismiss the possibility that there’s meaningful artistic and stylistic choices made to serve a meaningful narrative. take a second to sit with your reactions and ask yourself where it’s coming from. 

[remotepixel]

Hi, can you write something about the readers of the meta-human, whose ability allows you to avoid the actions of any platonic yandere, be it the Avengers or Bucky. Maybe the reader blows up everything around when one of them approaches, or hurts himself with his ability, thinking that this will make them leave, but the opposite is true. I especially like the idea of having an extremely painful reader who is already injured quite often, but the ability causes pain too. You choose the character yourself, but I'd prefer Bucky and Steve.

Hi, thank you for requesting! I stucky with just Bucky and Steve for this <3

Tw: Yanderes themes + non-detailed mentions of SH (^^)

You being easily injured already sets off alarm bells in their head, and it’s probably the reason they became obsessive in the first place.

-Steve is very aware of how it feels to be injured most of the time, after all he spent his years being beaten up in alleyways, and he wouldn’t call it fun.

-He wouldn't like the idea of you being sent out missions.

-It’s bad enough with your sheer (and frankly shockingly) bad luck with collecting bruises just at the tower.

-Sending you out into an active fighting zone will only allow worse to happen.

He thinks you’re being exploited, used, by the others for your powers.

-The fact they’re willingly sending you out, knowing the pain it causes, because it helps them?

-He’s constantly bringing it up in meetings, arguing against your involvement.

-He may even threaten to leave the team himself if they don’t take it seriously enough.

Bucky would try to appeal to you more when trying to get you off the team.

-He doesn’t know the others well enough to fight with them like Steve, but he has very similar thoughts about the situation.

-When a mission is coming up, he’ll try his best to hide it from you by taking up most of your time, asking you to explain some new modern technology to him (even if he already knows).

-If you brush him off, he’ll become more overbearing about it, flat out telling you ‘no’ and that you’re not going.

-He doesn’t like you being mad at him, but he he can deal with it if it means you aren’t coming back hurt and exhausted.

Their persistence, even if some of it is valid, pushes you further away from them - to the point you try everything you can to convivence them to leave.

Destruction is something they can deal with.

-Sure, they obviously preferred if you didn’t (since it means they now have to replace it despite being broke) but it’s only materialistic objects at the end of the day (Steve is desperately trying to justify everything you do).

-They’d probably give you a not very stern warning but overall try to give you just a bit more space.

-They’d act more like tired parents with a misbehaving toddler than view it as an actual threat.

On the other hand, hurting yourself is not.

-If they think you’re doing this for reasons unrelated to them (because they couldn’t face the truth and blamed it on something else), they’d ignore any complaints from you and drag you to therapy.

-You’ll be kicked off the team, watched more closely, banned from using your powers (not that can really stop you completely), etc, etc.

-They’d have some sort of daily check-up where they try to force you into talking about your feelings and learn better copying mechanisms.

If they become aware of how you’re doing this because you want them to leave, they’d be conflicted.

-They obviously don’t like that you jumped to this idea and it really makes them re-think their actions for a while.

-But, you were being harmed before this as well - were they really supposed to do nothing?

They’d turn this into a reason to become even more suffocating.

-They’re set on helping you, whether you want it or not, and this just proves you to them you need someone to look out for you.

-If you’re willing to go to such extents now, how do they know you won’t again?

You obviously don’t understand the full extent of your powers - the painful consequences and ways people could manipulate them - but, don't worry, they'll make sure you never have to <3

I know SH is a sensitive topic regardless of context and I tried not to overstep any boundaries when writing this. However, if there is any issues here in how it was portrayed, please feel free to message me <3

[stagefoureddiediaz]

How is it I've ended up in a situation where i end up writing two costume metas a week now 🤔😂😳 We are sneak peek meta'ing as there is some juicy stuff in the sneak peaks we've had!! First up,

Madney!!

Lots of check - sooooo much check going on here!! the interesting thing about having both of them in check is how they contrast each other - I think we'll see that Maddie is more confused about things than Chimney is as the episode unfolds. Maddies jacket being a variety of check hints at confusion and danger on multiple fronts - I'd be prepared to put money down on Maddie not only reckoning with the Doug of the equation, but also there being further things for her in relation to her parents and some things around Jee-Yun as well. How exactly we'll see all that play out and how much detail they'll go into over it I have no idea, but I can see 2 possibly 3 different tweed chcks on her jacket, so there are likely to be 2 or 3 things that she has to face up to.

Chimneys Check has however been lurking there below the surface all season long and that very much plays into the longer arc we've seen for him this season. I would've loved to have actually seen the joint therapy session we were supposed to get at the start of the season because I'm sure it would've played into this underlying foreshadowing of danger we have for him, but I have a theory about why we didn't end up seeing it. Chimney's check has nearly always been close to his skin - by that I mean shirts rather than jumpers or jackets - and we've seen a lot of times where it is hidden under a plain jumper or jacket. I don't want to jump the gun too much by making crazy predictions, but as well as foreshadowing his season finale injury, I think we might be seeing some foreshadowing for Chimney keeping some stuff close to his chest that we will get to see play out in season 7 - its feeling very much like this season is setting up some sort of Chimney trauma healing arc that is bigger than the smallish stuff we've been given so far - it has always felt a little off that we never really got to dig into the stuff with Chimneys father more than we did and then with the Kevin stuff we got in the last episode, it feels like the show building towards something bigger for him and the costumes are aiding this subtext.

Eddie and Chris

there are all of the things going on here in this scene!! firstly as has already been mentioned - it is the same knit hoodie that Eddie was wearing in 5x14. We'll come back to Eddie though - I want to start with Chris!

This is the first time we've ever seen Chris in a denim jacket, in fact we've never actually seen him in a jacket at all, we've only seen him in hoodies up to this point. there is something about this being the first time we see him wear one - at Shannons grave side. Denim jackets are culturally tied to westerns, cowboys and to Texas. Christopher wearing one here would appear to be a visual way of tying him to the childhood he had with his mother - backing up the conversation about making s'mores with her when he was younger.

We can't not talk about the striped hoodie Stripes according to my theory are all about change incoming - the theory hasn't yet been disproven by the wardrobe department and I get the feeling that here is no different. The idea that a change is coming in Christophers life is one that has been hovering around for a little while and the narrowing of the stripes would suggest that change is getting closer. I can't not mention the fact that the hoodie is also white and grey striped - the horizontal version of Buck shirt from the shooting. this is suggesting two things to me - one it is connecting Chris directly to the fact he nearly lost both parents - sitting at the grave of one parent while wearing something that echoes an outfit from the moment he could've lost a second parent. I also think there is something in the connection to Buck specifically in this - its directly connected to the will and that Chris has a third parent - I can't wait to see if I'm just clowning hard, or if the change the stripes Chris is wearing are foreshadowing some connetion to the will!

I do want to touch on the fact that he has short trousers on here - I'm fascinated by them as a choice because again, they're not something we've seen Chris wearing before and my brain automatically went to Buck and the short trousers he has been wearing a lot of. The ones we see Chris in here are a bit shorter than the ones Buck wears but I do think it was an interesting choice - I hope we get to see Chris moving in them so I can see exactly how short they actually are, because if they are meant to mimic Bucks then that is very much a choice by the costume department - to connect Christophers past with his present and future!

Back to Eddies greenish black hoodie. while there is very much the connection to Buck misunderstanding the assignment and the heart metaphors at play, there is another aspect to this outfit being worn again and that is his therapy session with Frank

You get some weird screenshots from this scene from me because I want you to look at Eddies arm (this is literally the only vaguely decent shot of it I can get from the sneak peek!) and notice how Eddie is very much not wearing his watch - there is no watch to be seen work or home or fancy watch!!! this is very much saying that Eddie isn't racing against time here or any of the other time metaphors that are in play - other than Eddie has time, that Eddie has moved on and is at peace with Shannon now - something also supported by the choice of flowers at the grave.

I love flower meanings (if you hadn't already figured that out) and the bouquet of roses with some goldenrods is interesting! Goldenrods represent happiness and sincerity and are also associated with new beginnings. The roses are in dark red, coral orange, pale yellow and white. Roses are all generally associated with love, but each colour represents a different aspects or types of love. they do also have some other meanings attached to them. Yellow roses are symbols of friendship and they are connected with Dia de Muertos - the day of the dead, where they are a symbol of remembrance. The white roses are a symbol of innocence and purity, but also represent new beginnings (which is why they're often seen at weddings). the red roses are romantic love and the orange ones bridge the gap between romantic love and friendship - interesting that there is the most of these ones - suggesting that Eddies feelings towards Shannon sit more in the fond friendship and remembrance zone rather than the romantic zone - its saying that Eddie has and is moving on from her - that he will always think of her with love and affection, but that those feelings have subsided into something more like friendship. This is a clear symbol of Eddie being ready to move on fro her.

Natalia

Oh there is so much going on here that I can't even begin to tell you!!!

first up - her hand is bound in a handkerchief with what appear to be blue roses.

Roses in general terms mean love - red for romantic, yellow for friendship etc. Blue roses mean unattainable love (because they do not occur naturally - only through artificial means) - so that would suggest that both love is unattainable for both Natalia and Buck in this direction but also that any feelings etc are not real - they can only be achieved through synthetic or artificial means - suggesting that any attempt at a relationship is going to be forced. Blue roses can also mean (especially the lighter shades of blue) emotions - specifically the finding of hope peace and tranquility. So with all of this in mind we end up with the concept of Buck finding what he’s looking for and that Natalia will help him get there, but that it isn't love, its the peace, tranquility and happiness that he's been seeking.

Natalia wearing a black velvet blazer is also a telling choice - here we have a connection to Bucks date not date outfit from 6x13. Not only does this jacket therefore tie into the idea of dates not actually being dates, that one of them may think that a potential date is a date, when it is in fact not one, but it also plays into the mixed feelings title from that episode as well. overall the jacket is playing into the idea of misunderstandings on some level (Buck continuing to misunderstand the assignment!)

I know you're all staring at how pretty she is, but I want you to look at that necklace!! We have seen that necklace before!!

Sorry for the jump scare, but here it is;

Now why on earth would you put Natalia in the very same necklace as Taylor Kelly unless it means something?!!! I wrote this in my 5x16 costume meta about that necklace and its meaning;

The chain she was wearing however - very interesting - well to me at least!! (you might have already read this part if you read my answer to an ask!!) So chains that look like actual chains (as this one does) are usually representative of bondage or incarceration - such as the chains of slavery or the chains worn by prisoners or the idea of chattel - the concept of possession - belonging to someone or something -such as historically when women became the property of men upon the event of their marriage (the ball and chain). non of the associations with chains are positive ones! There is also the location around her neck - its not worn loose or lower down it is literally like a chain collar around her neck - a noose like position. 

Basically all of this adds up to Taylor signalling that she is essentially making her self a chattel - staking her claim on Buck through the concept of her being the woman in possession. The thing is though that idea is outdated - Taylor herself is outdated (as in to be history soon) and there are so many quotes about breaking free from chains that bind you and that love frees you from your chains. So if Taylor is putting herself into the idea of being a chain - a noose about Bucks neck - the symbolism becomes as much about Taylors attempts to chattel herself as it is about the concept of Buck freeing himself of the chains binding him and the idea that Love will free him from those chains. Now because this is film/tv - the director will use that chain symbolism to point out the love - the audience knows Taylor is in a relationship with Buck so they will subconsciously connect that chain to him. But where Buck is located - that is where the love is and the audiences eye will be draw to that location - in placing Buck with Eddie and not having him come over to the conversation and therefore standing next to Lucy in any way - it is all done to show where the love that will set Buck free is - and that is with Eddie!!

I stand by all I said in that meta - it is all still relevant. However, the fact they’ve chosen to have Natalia wear the necklace we saw Tay Kay in in 5x16 for that very key scene (when Buck was off flirting with Eddie in the background) is less about Natalia herself trying to stake a claim on Buck and much more about what she represents as a death doula. She is a representation of death and this necklace is playing into the idea of death having a claim over Buck - of Buck feeling like death has a claim over him. It continues to play into the theme of Orpheus and Eurydice's that we saw at play through Carla in 6x11. the concept of Buck still wanting to look back rather than forward and the act of looking back pulling you back to the underworld. 

This is telling me that Buck is still drawn by death, that he is attracted to and and chateled or attached to death because he hasn’t yet dealt with any of his route trauma. 

The fact that we see the necklace on Tay Kay at the moment she has to reckon with who she thinks is the wedge in her relationship with Buck, may also be telling because reusing it here potentially has a similar theme at play - there is a third person/thing in any relationship they attempt to create - death that Natalia may end up feeling the same way as Tay Kay - not saying she’s going to be petty and weird like TK was, it is more likely she will recognise the wedge is bucks relationship with death - and it will be a catalyst to Bucks healing making progressI standby.

there is another connection that @theladyyavilee 's eagle eyes spotted - the necklace is also the same as a bracelet that Ana is wearing when Eddie comes across her in Jinx

the meanings are similar to those I've already written about - with Ana the other more subtle connection is the reason Eddie bumps into her at all is because of Izzy Chainz - stuck up on his billboard.

The fact that we have Natalia connected to both Taylor and Ana in this way is in and of itself very telling - the connections to them is telling us that things with Natalia and Buck won't work out - as if we needed any further confirmation, the wardrobe department as always have our backs and just add their weight to all the other indicators. There is also the meaning behind Natalias name - birthday - specifically in connection with Christmas day and the birth of Christ - further tying into the theory that Natalia is going to help Buck move on from his death in some way and this will very likely also have some connection with the route of Bucks trauma - Daniel and the reaso he was born and allow him to get ever closer to finding happiness - it just won't be with her

Right that is quite enough going feral over the sneak peeks - hopefully it will tide you over until the episode airs and I can write my full normal meta!!!