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vfenrirsv · 4 years

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When I die, let the wolves enjoy my bones; When I die, let me go…

I couldn’t even begin to tell you when I last felt like I was myself; when I last felt proud of who I am, or where I came from, or of all the obstacles that I’ve had to overcome in order to get to where I am today.

I was born “Vanessa.” A Gemini, an Air sign, a Horse under Chinese astrology. Coyote is my Totem. Wolf is my Sacred Guide. In Greek the meaning of my name is “Butterfly,” also from Phanessa, the mystic goddess of an ancient Greek brotherhood bent on finding Truth. Various accounts offer the ideas that someone named “Vanessa” bears the qualities of beautiful and strong, and most importantly ‘always tough on the inside.’ To the latter, at least, I can attest.

My Mother, in my infancy, called me “‘Nessa” in affection and “Vanessa-Anne” in ire. If my Father ever called me by any name other than “Baby-girl;” I can’t remember. I don’t remember much about my Father before my early tweens, when I was forced by the courts to spend time with him in an attempt to foster some type of relationship with the man that my Mother had divorced.

In elementary school I was simply “Vanessa.” Straight-A student in all but mathematics, budding lover of arts and crafts, and defender of both my own and my Mother’s honor on the playground when kids teased me about acting like a tomboy, or not having a father.

Throughout secondary school I was largely invisible – called a number of racial slurs, though I never considered any of them my name, even when someone took the time to recognize me; to bully me. Being white in a community predominated by African American and Hispanic families didn’t grant me the illusionary honor of being called anything other than “Cracker” or, “Piglet” since my parents worked in law enforcement.

By then, I didn’t want to be “Vanessa.” I didn’t want to have a name at all. Silence and being invisible was better than being called out for all of the things that I had no control of. It wasn’t my fault that I was born white, or born into a broken home, or the product of two law enforcement officers who sought happiness outside of their careers. In a quickly emerging socio-economic climate where all three of those variables were prescribed as being abhorrent or fundamentally wrong, I was cast adrift to navigate those faults as if I had brought them upon myself by my own hand. “Dealt a bad hand,” as they say; but it didn’t matter. “She’s a tough little thing.”

When I die, you can push me out to sea; When I die, set me free…

I was in fifth grade when I thought about suicide for the first time. Those dark thoughts were the result of climbing onto an overly-full bus to go to school; only to find that the only available seat was being used to hold the book-bags for a trio of African American girls who took one look at me and sneered. I sat on the edge of the seat, careful not to disturb their property; but when the bus turned a corner, and one of their bags fell the floor; they immediately grabbed my hair, punched me in the stomach, and began to degrade me with every slur they could think of. I hated myself and my name for no other reason that it wasn’t socially acceptable to be who I was.

When my mother later confronted the counselor of the school, a robust African American woman herself; she was told something to the effect of “to take her whining child and leave.” The "counselor" never said my name, because to them, I was a nobody. I was invisible.

In high-school I was both “Van” and “’Ness,” depending on how close I was with the person calling my name. I fell into Art and Science, and always kept my nose in a book. I avoided most people like the plague. When I joined the marching band I wore long jackets even in the summer and did my best to ignore the jokes about me being shy, but for the first time in a long time I wasn’t invisible and I wasn’t nameless.

I wasn’t “Vanessa” anymore, I wasn’t the bullied and disgusting child of a single-parent officer. I clung to being “Van.” “Van” was the introverted Artist who hand-made t-shirts for several of her fellow marching band members, and who thrived in studying Marine Biology and Criminal Sciences. I cut my hair and dyed it bright colors. I played soccer in short shorts. I free dived the local haunts in brightly colored bathing suits, and learned to connect to my peers. I got piercings up both of my ears and a tattoo on my back. I stopped wearing clothing to hide within. I grew to trust and love a very small group of people that, to this day – even though I’ve hardly spoken to any of them in years – I still consider my family. “Van” was the antithesis to “Vanessa.” Where “Vanessa” was reclusive, anti-social, and forced to grow up fast, “Van” was vivacious, carefree, and youthful.

Just before my 19th Birthday I met M. Tall, dark, handsome, though 10 years my senior; everything a budding idiot of a young woman would look for in a man – minus the obvious red-flags of him being not-so-separated from his soon-to-be-ex-significant-other and going thru a messy divorce. I saw a man, deliciously off limits, and he saw a young woman unclaimed by any other. When we eventually came together he panted into the naked dip between my shoulders, and between his ragged breaths on the precipice of a climax, the name “Vanessa” – for the first time in years – didn’t make me flinch or shy away.

When I joined the military midway through my first year in college, I was only identified by my last name, as it was barked at me for eight weeks in Boot, and then used as the only true thing that I owned without cost, once I was sent to my duty stations. It was tacked onto my MOS and Rank each time I was reassigned or given a new task. It was efficient, neutral, and impersonal. I grew to be the same. My shipmates called me by rank in the office, and “Van” on shore leave.

Years after; after M’s successful divorce, a couple more of my birthdays, and a few new duty stations, I began to better understand who I was as “Van.” I cultivated myself and thought for sure that this is who I was meant to be, and that I was with the person that I was supposed to be with. I soon learned otherwise. M was man with the world at his feet, divorced, with a young virile military girlfriend, he could do anything his heart desired. He ended up desiring all options that were the opposite of my own. So, true to my name, I tempered the steel within me; handed him back the $10,000 engagement ring he had placed on my finger; and told him “I love you, but now I know that love – sometimes – isn’t enough;” and we separated.

When I die, let the sharks come 'round to feed; When I die, set me free…

When I was honorably discharged from the military I was left adrift to deal with my PTSD and clinical depression. No one called me by my last name anymore. I was a civilian now. I did my best to stay “Van” in all the ways that mattered. I clung to my confidence, my intelligence, my MOS skillset; but I was also now blunt, with a dark sense of humor, and didn’t associate well with people my own age. I was standoffish and curt, expecting the same manner of respect and accountability from my new civilian peers as I had grown accustomed to while in the service. I started asking people to simply call me “V.”

“It’s just easier,” I’d tell people with a smile, but the truth was that I didn’t know who I was anymore.

When I met S, I was still “V.” I was mysterious and adventurous. I was a vixen, a one night stand, a pirate queen who left a trail of broken hearts behind her, a woman out to see the world and maybe watch it burn. I was fun and brutal in equal measures. The military made me sharp, and S was more than rough around the edges. We fell for each other faster that might have been wise, took to one another like melodramatic lovers always do. There was carnal passion and dangerous motorcycle rides down highways at 3AM. There were nights when we wouldn’t speak at all, and it didn’t matter that I didn’t want to have a name, or that his name was all that I would whisper or scream for hours. There were risks of getting caught, of getting pregnant, of getting too attached. There were days when all we would do was talk, and yet for all of our words we would talk about nothing at all. There were days when I knew that I had fallen in love, and nights when I had convinced myself that I didn’t deserve a single bit of it.

When you don’t have a name and don’t care who you’re becoming; it doesn’t matter what happens next. So one day, I left. I made the excuse that I had been offered a job somewhere across the country, that I was going on a vacation, that I was interning with a university out in the desert. It didn’t matter what I said. I was already gone. Lying to myself about why I was cutting the strings became easier the further away I got. Years later, S and I ran into one another; and he fervently admitted that he had been in love with me and had been too stupid to say it. I admitted that I had felt much the same, but had been too broken to allow myself to believe it.

When I die, let the flames devour me; When I die, set me free…

I rounded out many of the sharp edges that the military had left me with by moving back home. I had found employment in the civilian sector that matched closely with my MOS in the military, and I had begun to try and make friends on my off days. Mostly, I spent my free-time outside. I’d kayak or free dive the freshwater rivers in my home region, hike the beach trails or brush-land. I’d camp on the beach some nights or lay in a hammock in the dark of the pinewood on others. My time in the isolation of wilderness taught me how to sit still with my own darkness, and I believed that I would be mentally equipped to handle it.

Then, I stopped looking for myself in nature and started dating. I felt that I was ready. Tough girls move forward, right? That’s how I met J: completely by accident. A friend of my brother’s from the same high school – we had crossed paths more than a few times; with him a football star and me Second Chair in marching band. He called me “Van” and it didn’t strike me as odd, knowing that he knew me from before; when being “Van” meant more than being “V.” We connected, and did well for a time. He got a job as a Deputy and I as a Dispatcher. Things seemed like they were beginning to align. I thought my future was in sight. He said my name with pride and affection when he introduced me to his parents. He breathed life back into the part of me that was both “Van” and “’Ness” and “Vanessa” in equal measures, fixing me with slivers of adoration, challenge, pride, hope, adventure, and affection. We had many of the same interests, he never once stopped showering me in affection, and J could make me feel like the most treasured woman in the room with nothing more than a wink.

Moving in together with his brother and brother’s girlfriend is what killed all of the fragile progress that had been made. I came home from a twelve hour shift one afternoon to his brother’s girlfriend screaming obscenities. I didn’t clean enough. I didn’t follow her rules enough. I wasn’t present enough, or friendly enough. I was too young at the time to understand that she was unhappy with more than just herself, that there were things going on in her life that had nothing to do with me; but all I heard was: “Vanessa” wasn’t good enough to be part of “this family” anymore. They didn’t want anything to do with “Van.” I fell apart, and I was too broken to accurately convey to J what her statements had done to me mentally, what his brother’s silence in the face of those blatantly vindictive statement had done to me. I wasn’t able to convey all of the damage that I believed was irrevocably done.

I closed in on myself and became “V” again. If they didn’t want “Van,” or “’Ness,” or “Vanessa” in their picture-perfect ideations of the familial future, then I’d do them all a favor and leave. So I ended it. Moved into my own place. Started over. “V” didn’t care if she left another broken heart to the surf; didn’t care if starting over caused more harm than good. “Van” began to have the same connotations as “Vanessa.” I was running out of nicknames and letters to remove from my name; as if parceling out portions of my appellation would allow me the illusion that I was – somehow – keeping it all together. I gathered what I had left of myself and pushed forward. If nothing else, I was ‘always tough on the inside,’ right?

When I die, throw my ashes to the breeze; When I die, scatter me…

Later, I met my ex-husband D, an Air Force veteran, and each step in our post-military journey together unknowingly brought us closer to our unavoidable divorce. We both had scars that weren’t truly healing over, and we both had been losing ourselves to our own different demons for years before we met. We both wanted a distraction, someone to fall into on the weekends. He didn’t mind that I wasn’t looking for more than a dalliance, and I was secure in the knowledge that I could use him to chase away the solitude while maintaining my independence. By the time we realized that we were mired in one another it was almost a surprise for both of us to find that our demons played well together. Everything seemed fine, until it wasn’t.

We were always on the move. Influenced by work or family or our own personal goals; we would set out to each new place with hope in our hearts and dreams of bright futures in our minds. We’d drag each other along with us; happy to be in the orbit of the other even if it meant more change. Florida, Georgia, Tennessee. Kentucky, Michigan, Colorado…Each move was a fresh start, right? Each move was a learning opportunity, an adventure, a chance to explore instead of putting down deep roots…

I cannot speak on his behalf, but in my reality, each move brought a new job that I needed to train for, understand, and master; with new titles that I needed to be worthy of, and new responsibilities that I needed to fulfill. Each new apartment complex would be a new contract and a new name that someone would call me by; “206B,” “Mrs. Vanessa,” “Miss Van,” or some hybrid combination of both my and his last name.

By Colorado we no longer wanted the same thing. I hated being “Mrs. Vanessa,” or some last name sphinx-crossbreed. “Mrs. Vanessa” had suddenly become a weekend step-mother to two young boys who neither wanted me or needed me in their lives; and was now the wife of a man who didn’t know what he wanted out of a career or a marriage. “Mrs. Vanessa” found herself far from any semblance of a home, in a relationship that was coming undone at the very seams.

D moved back to his childhood home in Michigan, and I stayed in Colorado. Alone. We were separated for several weeks; trying to figure out how to salvage what we had attempted to build together. Demons play well together until, unsurprisingly, they don’t. The time that we spent separated outnumbered the time that we had been factually married. The distance allowed us to say all of the things that we otherwise wouldn’t have said to each other’s faces. Full disclosure and transparency came at the cost of long distance calls and aggravated re-dials. We yelled. We cried. We drew the venom out of the wounds we’d inflicted upon each other and finally relented. We didn’t attempt marriage counseling.

When the years have torn me apart; Just Let me be…

In an attempt to patch the internal damage, I made friends outside of my job. We started game nights, hosted pot-lucks, explored Colorado, and I was able to truly find kinship in one of my new friends. A fellow Gemini, Air sign, military veteran, person who had lost their path but had managed to find their way. I connected with them, trusted them, and turned to them when I knew that the floundering of my marriage was inevitability going to result in failure. I was branching out, I told myself. It was healthy to make friends and not let myself wallow in the fact that I had failed at being a wife. I buckled down and filed for divorce. “Tough on the inside,” I reminded myself. Always. Tough. On. The. Inside.

Failure makes us vulnerable, and vulnerability leads to poor decisions. On New Year’s Eve in Colorado, leaning on the trust of friendship and the influence of alcohol, I was sexually assaulted by the very friend that I had turned to for support during my divorce. He called me “Vanessa.”

God, I hate that name.

I adopted a cat to quell the gathering dejection, violation, betrayal; the over-abundance of feeling everything and nothing at all, and requested an inter-agency job transfer out of state. I landed in Kansas. The divorce was finalized less than four months from the day I married my ex-husband. I was a newly-wed in August and a Divorcee in December. I forced myself forward and turned over a new page in January of that following year. ToughOnTheInsideGodDammit.

All the world is dark, and I've looked as far as I can see…

This time, I did not seek out friends outside of my job. I kept my relationships professional. I was more willing to hang out with someone from the office in a neutral setting, but would stay home elsewise. I stopped responding to the name “Vanessa” entirely.

Loneliness also makes us vulnerable, but in a different way; and that same vulnerability leads us to do one of two things: Cloister ourselves away and never interact with people again, or Muster up enough courage to try new things. I chose Option #2: I joined some dating websites. I met men and women alike, and I began to grow more confident in my skin. I was “Van” again and I liked who I was becoming. I was independent and I wasn’t allowing myself to crumble beneath the weight of everything that I had been through. As my namesake, I was determined to be tough on the inside.

Being strong and independent and courageous led me to J. He didn’t mind that I was imperfect, didn’t balk at my scars or my demons, and didn’t shy away from my past. J had a past of his own, had made mistakes of his own, had a life of lessons learned and adventures had of his own; so it didn’t seem so scary to open myself up again. To be someone more than “V.” He promised the world; a future with deep seated roots, the dream of a home, a family. I believed him. Like an idiot, I believed him. We married. We vowed to cleave to one another alone, to put each other before ourselves, to love each other unconditionally; to battle the world together. We swore to cherish and adore one another, to build a life together and never take each other for granted.

I try. I try so fucking hard. When I feel ignored, I buckle down and swallow it. When I feel stressed I keep it in to prevent stressing him out more than he claims he already is.

He calls me “Beautiful” and “The Best Thing to Ever Happen to Him,” but follows these hollow words with casual indifference and gentle disregard. He doesn’t abuse me, but he doesn’t cherish me either. He speaks of me with pride when he talks to his family; but does not stand up for or defend me when his Step-Mother disparages me and belittles my actions. “Babe,” he calls me “This is just how she is with everyone. You’re Amazing.” I am supposed to be content with that. I am supposed to be content with sitting in silence, hailed as “amazing,” or “beautiful,” or “the best.” Hollow words echo in silence. Distort. Sound false. Do not bear weight in their worthlessness.

I realize that I don’t even know the last time he has called me by name and meant it…Maybe it was the day we got married. Maybe it was the day he proposed. Maybe it was our second date...

I try harder. When I feel neglected I go out of my way to do things for him that would please him; I cook his favorite meals, I wear alluring lingerie, I clean the entire house and make sure that he doesn’t have to lift a finger after work. When all else fails I reach out to his best friend to ask for advice on what I can do to make things easier, better, for my husband. I set aside my own embarrassment at having to ask for insight from someone else, instead of getting the answers from my own husband’s mouth, as to why he doesn’t seem to want me anymore. “It’s not you, Babe,” he says. It’s difficult to stay tough on the inside when “It’s not you,” echoes hollow and sounds more like “I don’t have a reason.”

When we disagree, he calls me by my full name, tacking on his last name at the end, as if in joking-jest; as if calling me anything other than some form of dead endearment will lend seriousness to his statements. “I promise,” he says. “I love you,” he says. I am not angry that his words hold no meaning or value anymore. I am just angry that I can no longer trust anything he says. I am angry that more often than not there are no words at all, just furious silence.

When I die, just let me be…

I am angry that I have allowed myself to become this nameless, hopeless, loveless thing. I am not even “V,” at this point. I don’t even know who I am anymore.

The wife I have become is a meaningless thing. What communication can be had between a wife who tries best to express her feelings and desires to a husband who reacts with anger and frustration when faced with the truth? What future can be had when a husband will not be intimate with his wife? What value do a husband’s words have when each promise is broken, when there is no follow-through on simple tasks of keeping a home, fostering a relationship, or growing a friendship?

“Nessa” and “Vanessa-Anne” in equal measures, had been emotionally bruised by the divorce of her parents; learning early in life that sometimes letting go is the best option. “Vanessa” was poisoned by the realization that your name means nothing to those who take one look at you and refuse to learn who you truly are on the inside. Both “Van” and “’Ness” learned the fragile existence of friendship, and the aching stab of loneliness that comes after you open your heart to a select few only to grow apart from them for no other reason than life gets in the way. “Van” was sullied by the painful growth out of adolescence and the realization that love just isn’t enough. “V” was grown in cynicism, the desperate child of PTSD and depression, and knew the devastation and loss that comes with refusing to make bonds with other human beings.

When I die, let the wolves enjoy my bones; When I die, just let me go…

So who am I now? I’m not even sure the wolves would know.

Daylight is waiting for you…

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“Who Am I?” by Vann Fenrirs Volchitsa, Author

“Wolves” by Down Like Silver, Lyrics

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escaperiesworld · 5 years

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Everyone who’s reading my blog posts from time to time may have noticed that I focus on the nature of Latvia very much. Why? Well, first, I love nature and it is easy to focus on something you love. Nature has been the love of my life since I remember myself. And not only the nature of Latvia.

It’s not very surprising that I decided to become a biologist. Funny that during my studies I rarely met any study mate, who was as green as I was.

I have even a hypothesis that being a Riga City boy I probably value wild nature much more than those my friends coming from the countryside. They’ve had probably enough greenery during their childhood. Just my guess.

Whatever is the reason for me being so green I am more than 100% sure nature of Latvia won’t disappoint anyone who is of a similar mindset as I am and probably even some of those who aren’t. After all, if my passion for nature can convince someone to appreciate more greenery around us, we all will be the winners.

Here are the reasons I love nature of Latvia so much and I’m pretty sure you’ll love it too.

Why Nature of Latvia Is Actually the First and Main Reason To Come Here?

Latvia might not be a standard ecotourism destination that first comes to your mind. You might know something about our famous capital city Riga but probably not much more. Well, many of my guests refer to their friends, who were first surprised about their decision to visit Latvia.

It is true that Latvia is still somewhat off-the-beaten-path and under the radar destination for most of the travelers. Yet, once you come here you may guess, why you did not know about Latvia earlier.

Being by one third bigger than the Netherlands and Switzerland and twice bigger than Belgium Latvia has only 1.9 million people. This naturally makes plenty of room for nature. Nature of Latvia is still pristine and relatively untouched, making Latvia a perfect ecotourism destination in Northern Europe.

Visit Latvia and you’ll have a chance to see many nature values that had been lost in other parts of modern Europe decades ago. Today Latvia is one of the greenest countries in Europe.

Natural Habitats

Latvia is the home for many protected habitats of European Union (EU) and also international importance. For those looking for the full list, you can find it here.

#1: Baltic Sea & Stunning Sandy Beaches – Probably The Main Reason To Come

Latvia has for sure among the most stunning Nordic coastlines in the world. The beaches in Latvia are some of the best beaches in Europe. The Latvian Baltic Sea coast is more than 500 km (300 miles) long. It is largely secluded but at the same time mostly public and easily available for everyone.

A beach in western Latvia

Get to know more about the new long-distance coastal hiking trail in Latvia and Estonia called “Jūrtaka” or choose from any of the great shorter coastal hiking routes to enjoy Latvian beaches and pristine coastal nature at its utmost.

Boreal Baltic sandy beaches and different types of coastal dunes are the habitats of EU importance, many of them being well-preserved in Latvia.

Pāvilosta Grey Dune

#2: Dense Forests – Not Just The Source Of Timber

Latvia is the land of forests. Forests cover more than 50% of its territory, which is well above Europe’s average of 33%. Not surprisingly many goods, houses, etc. are made of wood here.

Dominating trees are pine, spruce, birch, and alder. There are coniferous, deciduous and lots of mixed forests. You’ll also see threes like oak, ash, elm, hazel, linden, maple, willow and other species typical and not that typical for Northern and Central Europe.

Pokaini Forest – The most mystic forest in Latvia

Latvian broad-leaved forests become especially beautiful during the fall. Gorgeous Gauja National Park is a popular destination during this season. Locals, especially from Riga, are heading to Sigulda town during the autumn’s weekends to admire the colors of changing seasons there. So you better choose working days to visit this place unless you enjoy crowds and lots of traffic.

Coniferous western taiga forests and different types of the rare natural old broad-leaved boreal and mixed forests are all big values that represent the greenery and nature of Latvia.

Boreal forest in Northern Europe

#3: Bogs, Fens & Mires – Places Of Pristine Nature

Natural bog-lands of Latvia are something not to miss when discovering the nature of Latvia. Many of these bogs and mires are truly wild and pristine. We still have unique bog habitats that had mostly disappeared in Western Europe. Such are active raised bogs, calcareous and alkaline fens, transition mires and more.

Some of the most amazing well-preserved raised bogs are very close to Riga. The most popular is the Great Kemeri Bog in Kemeri National Park and Cena Mire. You don’t need any special footwear to walk in these places, as there are wooden boardwalks set-up for visitors.

Good choices for visiting are also more distant Suda Mire in Gauja National Park, Teirumnīku Mire in eastern Latvia (Latgale), Vasenieku Mire in western Latvia (Kurzeme) or even the wild bog-lands of Slitere National Park and Ziemeļu Mire on Latvian/Estonian border.

Ziemelu Mire

#4: Lakes & Rivers – Your Endless Options For Kayaking/Canoeing Trips

The nature of Latvia is rich with freshwater. We are among the leaders of freshwater resources in Europe. Around 12,000 rivers and 3,000 lakes of different sizes are what makes Latvia so watery. Eastern region of Latvia – Latgale is even called the “Land of Blue Lakes”, and this is not without a reason. It’s rich with beautiful lakes.

There are seven protected freshwater habitats of EU importance in Latvia. The best way to enjoy Latvian rivers and lakes is to go for a kayaking or canoeing trip.

The most popular rivers for boating in Latvia are Gauja, Salaca, Abava, and Irbe. Check out for more details about the best kayaking trips in Latvia here.

#5: Grasslands – Important Part Of Latvian Traditions

For those looking for some open space, Latvian grasslands might be an attraction. There are ten protected grassland habitats of EU importance in Latvia. Although not always that well-preserved natural meadows are an important part of Latvian rural landscape.

Baltic tribes arrived in this region some 2000 years B.C. They brought many changes here, including agricultural traditions and open lands in the otherwise naturally forested places. Since then, pastures and meadows had gradually become an integral part Latvian rural landscape. Lots of them ceased to exist though during Soviet occupation when traditional agriculture practices were largely abandoned.

Natural meadows are an important part of Latvian traditions. Even in this modern world Latvians collect plants that grow in meadows for health and beauty treatment purposes (as well as wild berries and mushrooms in the forests and bog-lands for homemade food). Visit Latvia during the Summer solstice time (from 20 to 24 June) and you’ll see the importance of nature and greenery in our culture at its utmost.

Midsummer festival in Riga – Dzegužkalns park

For grassland habitats to be well maintained they must be managed. Today many EU and local initiatives support mowing and grazing of natural meadow habitats to increase and keep their biodiversity. Natural meadows are home for many insect species, rare plants, and birds’ species.

Wooded meadows hiking trail in Gauja National Park

If you want to see grassland management in action you may wish to visit the sites like nature parks “Pape Lake” and “Lake Engure” or Lielupe River Floodplain in Jelgava City. You’ll see amazing natural wetlands and semi-wild “grazing machines” – hairy highlander cows and konik horses – doing their grazing job there.

#6: Rocky Habitats & Caves

There are no mountains in Latvia. Yet, we have rocky habitats and caves here. These are very rare but “must” places to see in Latvia found mostly on the slopes of river valleys and on the vegetated sea cliffs of the Baltic Sea coast.

Steep Baltic Sea Coast

These are all generally “soft” limestone and sandstone formations, hence being very fragile ecosystems.

In some places, these are truly impressive monuments of Latvian nature. Gauja River Valley is the most famous place to go in Latvia with rocky riverbank slopes that are around 350 million years old. The best way to enjoy them is by kayaking or canoeing on this river.

Canoeing in Gauja National Park

In many places, it is also a great idea to go for a hiking trip in Gauja National Park.

Salaca river is another great boating destination to see this rare wonder of Latvia.

Salaca river valley

Not least impressive are the sandy cliffs on the western coast of the open Baltic Sea close to Jurkalne village. This is also a great place for coastal hiking and enjoying secluded beaches in Latvia.

Birds & other animals

Birds to see

During the spring and autumn migration periods (April-May and September-October) Latvia is a paradise for birdwatchers. The spring and autumn bird migration routes go across the country. In the autumn, birds travel from Scandinavia and northern Russia across Latvia to Southern Europe and Africa. Then they come back in the spring.

There are lots of shallow lagoon lakes along the Baltic Sea coast. The biggest ones are Engure, Kanieris, Pape, Babite and Liepaja lakes. We also have plenty of forests and flood-lands. This all makes Latvia a great dwelling place for many migratory bird species.

In case you are a keen bird-watcher you should not miss Kolka Cape, where the open Baltic Sea and the Gulf of Riga meet. Also, you might wish to check out Lubana Lake Wetland complex in the Eastern Latvia (Latgale). Lake Lubans is also the biggest lake in Latvia.

There are altogether 365 recorded bird species in Latvia. One species for each day of a short year, if I may say so. Woodpeckers and owls in the forests, ducks, seagulls and swans in the coastal area, Bittern in the reedbeds, Lesser Spotted Eagle in open places, Osprey and cranes in bog-lands, Corncrake in grasslands. These are just some samples of our feathered heroes.

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Eagle Owl (Bubo bubo)

Corncrake (Crex crex)

Roller (Coracias garrulus)

There are also lots of bird watching towers set up at the best bird watching spots. Thus bird-watching is for sure one of the best things to do in Latvia. Ask locals to arrange a great bird-watching trip for you.

Some bigger animals

The nature of Latvia has also some bigger animals to offer. Some of the species are not that common in other parts of Europe. You can spot wolves, lynx, elks, deer, wild boars, lot of beavers, badgers, otters and even some bears here. You must be very lucky to see most of these wild animals in nature though because they are all very cautious. There is still an option to see them on a special nature trail in Ligatne, if you wish.

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Protected Areas – Best Places To Visit

There are 4 national parks, 42 nature parks, and 261 nature reserves in Latvia. We also have 4 strict nature reserves (not accessible to visitors), around 355 nature monuments, 7 protected marine areas, and the North Vidzeme Biosphere Reserve. There are lots of small protected areas called micro-reserves too. All these areas are set-up for the protection of species, natural habitats, and traditional landscapes. Many of them are great eco-tourism spots.

Here is a great movie about protected areas of Latvia. Enjoy!

youtube

Most of the protected areas in Latvia are also the areas of European Union importance, which means that most of them are so-called Natura2000 network sites. The best and most diverse places to visit for those who want to explore nature in Latvia are the four national parks and North Vidzeme Biosphere Reserve. Yet, there are also many other great smaller protected nature areas that a nature lover might want to check out.

You can find the full list of all protected territories in Latvia here.

#1: Gauja National Park – The “Must See” In Latvia

Gauja National Park is the oldest national park in Latvia. It is the most beautiful destination that attracts many visitors. You can soak up the beauty of pristine nature here, which is so different in each of the four seasons.

In spring and summer, it is a popular place for kayaking/canoeing in the gorgeous Gauja River Valley. In the autumn the beautiful broad-leaved forests in Gauja Valley turn into breath-taking yellow and red colors. While in snowy winter it is a great place for skiing. Gauja National Park is a “must see” place if you are interested to see the best of the nature in Latvia.

Gauja National Park

#2: Slitere National Park – The Wildest Place To Go

Slitere National Park is the wildest national park in Latvia. It is in the northwest part of the country and includes Kolka Cape – the place where the “two seas” meet: the open Baltic Sea to the West and the Gulf of Riga to the East. Earlier it used to be a strict nature reserve with a very limited public access. Today it is a national park open for visitors. In some parts, public access is restricted though to protect its natural values.

Slitere National Park is rich with pristine forests, untouched bog lands, and amazing sandy beaches.

View to the forests of Slitere National Park

#3: Kemeri National Park – The Place Of Magic Bog-lands

Kemeri National Park is the closest national park to Riga. This makes it also the most visited one. The most attractive parts for visitors are Great Kemeri Bog with its boardwalk. Lake Kaņieris is a perfect spot for bird watching and angling. The park is also famous for its sulfur springs.

Great Kemeri Bog

#4: Razna National Park – The Gem Of Eastern Latvia

Razna National Park is the youngest of all national parks in Latvia. It is in the eastern part of the country called Latgale. The park itself is named after a big Lake Rāzna, which is sometimes called the “Sea of Latgale”. Razna National Park has lakes and forests and the unique diversity of nature.

Razna National Park in Eastern Latvia (Latgale)

#5: North Vidzeme Biosphere Reserve

North Vidzeme Biosphere Reserve is the biggest protected area in Latvia. As the name itself suggests the reserve is in the northern part of Vidzeme (central) region of Latvia.

The reserve is a protected area of international importance recognized by UNESCO. The area includes lots of natural and cultural values and many smaller protected areas. You can enjoy the gorgeous Rocky Seashore of Vidzeme. Or you can also head to any of the remote and pristine bog-land areas near the Estonian border.

Vidzeme Rocky Seashore

The beautiful rivers of Salaca and Ruja, as well as Burtnieku Lake, are perfect places for kayaking/canoeing.

Ruja River

North Vidzeme Biosphere Reserve is a huge area to explore. Hence the motivation to visit Latvia again.

#6: Nature Parks

The most prominent protected areas mentioned above are not the only ones worth looking at when you visit Latvia. There are also smaller nature areas that you might be interested in. Such are:

“Lake Pape” Nature Park

The nature park of Lake Pape is the area in the very southwest part of Latvia. Lake Pape is a shallow lagoon lake. It is a perfect place for bird watching during the migration periods in the spring and summer. Pape is a remote place. Plan a visit there if you go to Liepaja City.

“Lake Pape” Nature Park: the only place in Latvia where the raised bog stretches into the beach

Nature Park “Bernati”

Nature Park “Bernati” is another great place near the Baltic Sea. It is only halfway between Liepaja city and Lake Pape. The beach is gorgeous here. Yet be careful while swimming in the sea! There are cunning rip currents in this area.

Nature Park “Piejura”

“Piejūra” means “at the sea” in Latvian. The name itself suggests that the park lays at the seacoast. If you come to Riga City or Carnikava and Saulkrasti towns, this is by far the closest natural area you can visit. Yet don’t let its location to fool you. You’ll find gorgeous beaches, sandy and grey dunes as well as amazing coastal pine forests here.

Nature Park “Piejura”

The nature in Latvia is abundantly present even in the big cities and towns.

“Lake Engure” Nature Park

Lake Engure is about 70 km/44 miles to the northwest from Riga. It is a shallow lagoon lake, hence being a paradise for migrating birds and a good place for bird watchers. It is much closer to Riga than the similar Lake Pape. The lake is close to the Gulf of Riga. Thus you can combine bird watching on the lake with a relaxed afternoon on a beach.

Abava Valley Nature Park

Abava Valley Nature Park is an amazing destination for a kayaking or canoeing trip. It has impressive landscapes, cozy old towns on their banks and natural diversity. Depending on which section of this river you plan to conquer you will get one or all these values combined.

Abava River Valley nature park

Nature Park “Daugavas loki” (Meanders of Daugava)

Nature Park “Daugavas loki” (Meanders of Daugava) is a scenic area in the very south-east part of Latvia. It is famous for its pronounced natural meanders of the biggest river of Latvia – Daugava. This is also the UNESCO heritage site. You will see totally different Daugava compared to the same river in Riga.

“Daugavas loki” is a beautiful place for kayaking and canoeing. You will witness amazing off-the-beaten-path nature spots here. The water tourism is not that well-developed on Daugava as it is on other popular rivers in Latvia. Hence you can ask a professional local adventure travel company to arrange your trip when visiting Latvia.

Nature park “Daugavas loki”

Lubana Wetland Complex – Birds’ Paradise

Lubans is the biggest lake in Latvia. The unique lake and the area around it are a wetland of international importance (a RAMSAR site). Lake Lubans is another great place for bird watching in Latvia. There are six bird watching towers available for this activity.

The area is the home for many protected species and habitats. You can also buy local fish and rent a boat here.

Summing-Up

It is common and natural that people first travel to the capital city of any less known destination. Therefore, Riga is probably more popular than Latvia itself. This is so far. Yet, once you get the first insights you want to know more, right? It is time to dig deeper. At this point let me introduce the real Latvia that starts outside Riga and consists mostly of nature.

Nature is one of the main reasons to visit Latvia. Amazing sandy and secluded beaches, vast forests, pristine bog-lands, the abundance of rivers and lakes and natural meadows are the main treasures worth coming for to Latvia. If ecotourism is what speaks to you, the diverse nature of Latvia and plenty of national and nature parks won’t let you be disappointed.

Now you know why I am so in love with the nature of Latvia, and it is likely that you will be too.

Why I Love Nature Of Latvia So Much – And Why You’ll Love It Too Everyone who’s reading my blog posts from time to time may have noticed that I focus on the nature of Latvia very much.

#latvia #visitlatvia #natureinlatvia #natureoflatvia

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btsimaginefactory · 7 years

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At the Beach with BTS - Moodboards and Scenarios

{{i’m sorry that these are messy but it was so hard trying to paint the picture without the board looking too busy and iM SORRY. It’s less “oo aesthetics” and more that these are to give you pics for your mind. But I hope you’re still into this💖}}

Seokjin

“Are you happy?”

You smile gently at Seokjin words, twining your fingers with his as you both sit on the riverbank. More than a dozen stripped box turtles, all in various sizes and ages, paddle cutely at the edge, waiting for more pieces of carrots to be throw from their generous new friends. “I am so happy Seokjin.”

Seokjin’s smile gleams in the light of the sunset, and he leans to kiss you on your temple. He’d wanted to go to the beach with you for a long time, and now you finally had the time. Seokjin rented a house situated strategically between the secluded shoreline and the marsh. What had drawn him to this beach was the privacy, yes, but it was also the beautiful variation of landscapes and an abundant amount of wildlife. In the morning you watched wild horses play on the beach from your balcony, naming each one and giving them elaborate back stories, narrating their interactions. Seokjin was startled by how close they came to the house and how at peace they seemed living side by side with humans.

Almost every afternoon was spent under the umbrella on the sand with packed lunches; idly fishing for minnows before letting them free again as you watch the vibrant sunset over the horizon, and nights spent counting endless stars.

“Listen I’m telling you, THAT one is the big dipper,” you stress.

“No, it’s not because that star should be over there if it’s the big dipper!”

“...Jin you can’t just move stars around to prove yourself right.”

Several days the two of you went to local shops, exploring all the beautiful and wacky things you could find. He was especially drawn to a hobby shop that had all kinds of intricately made sculptures from shells and driftwood. Seokjin commented that he liked he couldn’t find any two alike, and in that same way he could never find someone exactly like you who he loved so much. A slap is quickly delivered to his arm at his gushy words, making him laugh, but getting a kiss from you in the end.

Yoongi

“Yoongi you do realize coming to the beach in the winter kind of defeats the purpose of coming to the beach,” you sigh, looking out the sliding glass doors of your hotel room overlooking the ocean shore. He’s already outstretched on the giant king-sized bed, humming in satisfaction when you come and kick his leg.

“Ow sheesh,” he exclaims, eyes meeting your crestfallen face. “Okay well, I did in fact plan this very carefully and invested many hours to make things perfect.”

He rolls over and leans down to his bag, pulling out some pieces of paper and holding them in front of his gummy grin. You have to squint, but the bright letters of a pamphlet for a well know indoor water park is undeniable.

“NO WAY,” you gasp, snatching them out of his hands and rifling through the packet. “Are you serious?”

He nods.

“Really really? As in you’re actually gonna play with me and not be a lazy potato chip?”

“I am! I promise,” he laughs. “Why do you think I spent so much time picking stuff out for us to do? Don’t you see the view,” he gestures dramatically at the balcony. You can’t help but laugh and pull his cheeks in for a kiss, making him look very pleased.

Yes it was true you’d agreed to go to the beach with Yoongi during the dead of winter, but the surprise and lively atmosphere you found was exactly what the two of you needed. The hotel was connected to the water park by an indoor bridge, and surprisingly, Yoongi cared the giant inflatable unicorn proudly each day, bopping you in the head with it constantly. After swimming and playing, and him throwing you down one to many insane waterslides, you crash in the hotel room with warm comfort, room service, and movies.

Yoongi kisses your forehead and smiled as you lay in his arms. “So should we do the same thing tomorrow or should we go see some of the other things around here?”

Hoseok

When you were looking for a place to rent at a nearby beach online, Hoseok was immediately drawn to the strip of brightly colored buildings on the boardwalk. “Let’s go there! That’s so pretty! And there’ll be lots of places to go.” And so you did, spending loads of time in different shops, buying way too many souvenirs, and an equal time relaxing on the beach.

It was probably a bad idea to suggest a sandcastle building competition because 3 hours later you realized you’d both spent the whole day building a mini-utopia; giving up the competition after signing a treaty to no more sand thrown and opting instead to build your own joined kingdoms. Hoseok desperately tried to save one crumbling wall as the tide came in, but sank to his knees in defeat, promptly having a wave crash over his head from behind as if to add insult to injury. He comes crying to you as you laugh at his dripping wet, salty face, but is sure to trap you in a hug to get you wet as well.

“Baby how about we just shower and order takeout,” he suggests when you arrive at the condo, panting after climbing the 3 flights of stairs.

“How can you be tired from that, you literally can dance nonstop for way longer,” you huff, throwing a towel in his face.

After taking a soothing shower together, the two of you crash on the bed with your take out and TV, while finding all the little red areas you missed with sunscreen where each of you were now burned. “See I told you-you should have put some behind your ears,” he scolds and you simply cover his face with your hands.

“Shh, shh, shh, don’ worry ‘bout it.”

Namjoon

It was the best surprise you’ve ever gotten in your life. When you told Namjoon you were staying at the beach with your family, expressing that you wished he could be there to experience it with you, he decided to do just that. After secret communications with your family, seemingly out of the blue he shows up at your door and you almost knock him over completely in your enthusiastic hug. You introduce him formally to your family, and they immediately like him, if only by the way you glowed around him. They realize quickly he must be an incredible person and one who was absolutely good for you.

Being able to share this important time with him was everything; watching him grow comfortable with everyone, and hiding in embarrassment at all the stories they spilled from your childhood; everything felt so at home about him. The next day you were dragging him out of bed much too early to spend it all with him on the beach. Needless to say he was terrified when you warned him about not swimming in the ocean because of sharks, but he excitedly dug for sand-fiddlers and mole crabs, putting them in a bucket and examining them before letting them free again. That very evening, you two were lucky enough to watch sea turtles hatch, lining up with the other people watching, and giving them a protected path to the ocean as Namjoon squeals in delight.

Every night was filled with good meals and laughter, playing in the heated pool under the stars, and cuddling up in bed sharing stories, relishing that you had him there in the flesh. He pushes your hair behind your ear as he cradles you in his arms. “I wish I could stay here with you forever.”

“Me too Namjoon,” you say with a sad smile, trying not to even think of this time together ending.

“But we will soon.”

Jimin

It wasn’t Jimin’s most favorite idea when you told him you had booked a shared home at the beach; he didn’t know if he felt comfortable staying with strangers. It was an older couple who, after their children grew up and left, opened up a section of their house for travelers so they could share this place with people from all around the world. Jimin agrees though, and in only a few hours of being there, he was so glad that he did.

When you arrive at the bungalow nestled in the seaside forest, the couple takes you on a tour around the house, and more importantly, outside on one of the many trails. After getting over that initial little bit of awkwardness, you and Jimin didn’t turn down a single activity they suggested, for all of them were so perfectly new and exciting. You slowly watched Jimin come out of his shell, bouncing around like the happy, adventurous boy you loved. His favorite part was kayaking through the marsh and inlet, canopied by tall, vibrant trees, and hundreds of different species of birds chattering amongst the reeds.

“Woah look at that one,” Jimin yells in a hushed voice, pointing at a bright white, gangly crane fishing at the bank. “Did you see how it just snapped it’s beak in there and grabbed the fish? It was so fast, like whoosh! I could probably do that.”

“... Jimin what are you even saying?”

“It’s because you don’t believe in me, that's why I can’t grab a fish out of the water with my bare hand.”

You have to stop your eyes from rolling all the way back into your head as he giggles. When you return to the house, you’re all gathered around a fire pit in the backyard to eat dinner, eagerly telling the couple all about where you were from. You fall asleep on his shoulder as you lay beneath the stars, peacefully breathing in the salty air and wondering what tomorrow will bring.

Taehyung

“Greece?!”

“Greece!”

You can only pause. “Greece?”

Taehyung nods in confirmation. “Greeeeeece!” He’d seen a picture float across the internet somewhere of this beautiful resort, and he immediately knew he had to take you. Taehyung is one who is always ready for an adventure and travel, so he expects you to be the same. The resort is at the foot of a mountain, the bright blue sea as a backdrop, making the large sanded smooth white buildings look majestic and nothing short of magical. You have a cabin to yourselves, one in front of a small private pool that glowed purple in the evening; one that you convinced him to go skinny dipping in. It’s easy to have fun with Taehyung, even in a foreign place, but he takes special care to make the trip especially romantic and appreciative. He pampers you like royalty and announces that you are going to be his official model for all his pictures he had yet to take.

“Wow you are a natural,” Taehyung chuckles as he snaps a picture of you posed beneath a twisted tree. “I didn’t even have to tell you what to do.”

“Practice makes perfect I suppose, and so does such a handsome teacher,” you say, pecking his lips. The day is spent on the sand under a large tent, and yes you did have to wait before starting to drink your fancy drink because he wanted to photograph it all, but with his cute grin how could you say no?

Jungkook

“Jungkook don’t you think this is a bit much,” you ask, setting your bag down in the foyer just as Jungkook runs past you around the expansive dining room.

“No no of course not! We’re only young once; when else would we have this opportunity? Come on,” he grabs your hand and pulls you along, peeking in every room as if looking for something. After ‘oo-ing’ and ‘aw-ing’ at the bright coral walls and happy paintings, you head downstairs to find perhaps the biggest reason your boyfriend rented this particular beach house.

“Oh my gosh now I get it,” you say, holding the bridge of your nose but getting equally excited as you’re greeted with a giant arcade room. A flat screen tv, new video games as well as classic arcade games, a ping pong table, and even a pool table were all sitting shiny and tempting and Jungkook is giggling like a kid in a candy store.

You barely have time to reach him before his eyes meet something outside the window in the backyard. “Oh. My. Gosh. There’s a jet ski,” he whispers, instantly bolting towards the door with you yelling behind him.

“Jungkook for God’s sake please don’t kill yourself!!”

You’d thought it was a little wasteful to rent a three-story house with 8 bedrooms for only the two of you, but he quickly washes away your worries with the private pool and access to the dock with a jet ski and kayaks, as well as running around the large house and screaming your lungs out just because there was no one there to stop you. The house was at the end of a small, private cul de sac, and a mere golf cart ride to the shore. It was quieter than you would’ve imagined you’d enjoy, but as you sit on the crows nest overlooking the inlet, watching Jungkook photograph the sunset, you couldn’t imagine anywhere else on earth you’d rather be.

{{I’ve actually experienced three of these imagines AND IF YOU CAN CORRECTLY GUESS WHICH THREE, YOU GET *spins roulette wheel anxiously* ... ah... ha ha... apparently to punch me in the d💫}}

-Admin Chaejeong

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meditationandacoonhound · 6 years

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30 Things That Make Me Happy

1. The smell of hay, horses, and even manure. Breathing in farm fresh air and the feeling it brings of peace and of belongingness. The images it conjures of bonding with these large animals that are so special to me.

2. Organized medical supplies, everything in its place and easy to find. Ready to help the next person who needs it, and ready to be found by those who wish to help. Taking it a step further, the people who carry these supplies to us, and the feeling you have being the person carrying that bag in. To help others is to bring worth to oneself. As the quote goes “the next best thing to creating a life, is to save one.”

3. Sunrises, Sunsets. The different colors in the sky. The sky, the moon, the stars. Looking up and just knowing that you are but one thing in the universe, and the way that makes me feel – not insignificant, but secure in knowing this too shall pass, because in a universe as vast as this one moments are fleeting. Which means they are to be enjoyed in their entirety when they are pleasurable, but also that they will pass when they bring about difficulties and discomfort.

4. The people who strive to make a difference. Whether they are Republican or Democrat. Whether they view the world as I do or differently. Passionate people who feel as though they need to make a difference are the ones who will make changes to the world, and knowing they do so because they feel it is right makes me happy, even if I cannot see their vision.

5. A good plate of food, made by someone else on occasion. All of the seasonings carefully selected, the meal made with you in mind. The fact that someone else took the time and made the effort to provide sustenance. Because they care. Sharing a meal is an intimate pleasure whether among lovers or friends, and is an amazing example of love and care.

6. The feel of fresh air on your face in the middle of summer – that sudden burst of cool air when you are hiking through the woods. It pushes the bugs that accompany you away for a moment, and you can close your eyes and breathe in that fresh air. It’s invigorating, almost like a reset button for your mind.

7. Rainy days, and the way they give you permission to be with yourself. There is something comforting about being able to be inside and dry, while looking out at the rain. The smell brings peace and the dampness in the air encourages you to curl up with a soft blanket and a good book.

8. Books. Because they can be found in any public library and be shared with those you love. Because they provide a window with a view you might otherwise never see, and because they provide an escape from reality.

9. Candles. Candles of all sorts and all smells, and candles with no smells. Tea lights, pillars, candle sticks. Watching the flames dance and flicker. Feeling the warmth from them as you stare at them, thinking about the way the flame goes this way and that, influenced by the air and the environment. Stare long enough, and it feels as though you are one with that flame, and for a moment you are just dancing and flickering to and fro along with it.

10. The ocean. The smell of the salt water, and the taste. The warm sand between your toes. The surrounding children laughing as they splash in the waves. Life on the beach always seems happy.

11. A night in with good friends, laughing and sharing stories. Remembering the past, supporting each other. Joking, pouring drinks and playing games.

12. Kayaking, or canoeing, or just floating along the water in a tube. Watching the waves and the break in the water as you go. Taking a moment to look up into the sky as the water slaps against whatever it is you choose to float along in.

13. Music, and the way that there is a song for every moment in your life. Someone took an experience, remarkably similar to your own, and put it to words and music to let you know you aren’t alone when you are sad, and to help you celebrate the happy moments in life. There are happy songs, sad songs, funny songs. There is literally a song for every moment. I’m thankful for those who share these pieces of themselves.

14. Television shows – the ones that are ridiculously dramatic, or completely hysterical. The ones good enough to make you love the characters and feel as though you are right there with them. You know on some level these characters are not real, but to you they are. You love them like your own friends and have hopes for them and theories about how their lives should go. Then after the season finale you worry for them and wait not so patiently for the next season to begin.

15. The family we choose for ourselves. Because family is important, but family is so much more than who you are stuck with the day you are born. There are people who meet each other and just decide – “I’m here for you, and I’m not going anywhere ever.” Those people, who say that and mean that even though they weren’t assigned to you – they are special. And that they exist makes me happy.

16. Dogs, because there is just something about the way they look at you and love you unconditionally. Because if you are a dog person, I probably get you. Because I honestly feel no one loves me the same way my dog does.

17. Staring up at the trees. Laying on a blanket, in the fresh cut grass and just staring at the tree tops. Watching the squirrels hop to and from branches to other trees. Knowing that this is a living thing I am sitting under, and that its roots are strong and run deep into the earth underneath me. The truth is I don’t think any human being is ever as grounded as the trees are, and there is something to be said for that.

18. Flowers. Whether they are growing in the wild, whether they are planted in the earth intentionally or brought to me in a bouquet. They smell so pretty, they are absolutely beautiful. So many colors and varieties, each one special and different in it’s own unique way.

19. Yoga. In a studio. A good yoga instructor will transform the room into a peaceful oasis. Suddenly it’s as though you are in the room all by yourself, being guided and feeling all of the different feelings in your own body. I am never so aware of myself as when I near the end of a yoga class. When everyone comes together at the end you feel part of a bigger unit, and there’s peace and satisfaction in that as well.

20. Compliments from strangers who continue to move along. They don’t feel a need to stay and make you uncomfortable, but they make you smile for a moment and then move along with their lives.

21. Making someone else smile, because you can, for no other reason. Be the bright spot in someone’s day – the feeling is contagious and comes back to you as well.

22. The feeling after an intense work out – cardio workouts are so hard initially, but when you’ve finished and you are stretching out, when you feel your pulse thudding against your skin and your muscles are moving on memory, you know for sure you are alive, and you feel refreshed and re-energized.

23. Butterflies. They were once caterpillars, little worms basically. They weren’t all pretty, but with work and an idea of their greater purpose they were reborn into these amazing creatures – they aren’t all flashy, but they all have the ability to fly and float in the air – I wonder what it is like to feel that light and free.

24. Driving down the road with your hand out the window, moving it around like some sort of airplane and feeling the air above and below it. Simple pleasures, reminding you of a simpler time when all you worried about was just who you would play with tomorrow after school.

25. Dancing – feeling the music and the company and just gliding along enjoying the moment. Even if you aren’t the greatest and you only manage a two-step shuffle, it brings you moments shared only with your partner.

26. Birds – they sing us a song every morning. They come in all shapes and sizes and colors. They give us something to watch and to listen to.

27. A good cup of coffee. The smell, and way the mug warms your hands. Watching as you pour the cream in and it changes color. The way you start to feel more alive as you sip.

28. Pen pals. In this day and age we correspond via email, messenger apps and all sorts of technical ways. There is something to be said for pen and paper – but the lack of it does not diminish these relationships. These are people who you share pieces of yourself with, and though you have never met they are just as true friends as the ones you see daily, sometimes maybe more.

29. Climbing mountains – even just hiking them. The way up is hard and makes your legs burn but in the end you are left with a remarkable view, sometimes one that takes your breath away.

30. Moments with those you love, the moments that you know you’ll remember even if that person disappears from your life tomorrow. The happy moments are gifts to be held and cherished and not forgotten.

#writing prompts #things that make me happy #lists #self exploration #this is me

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morethannotenough · 4 years

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...there we were.

Well, I ruined it! Within about 7 months of meeting my goal I have gained every. single. ounce. back.

Frustrated, disgusted, disappointed, angry... these don’t even begin to explain what I’m feeling. The back pain, the shortness of breath, the fatigue, it’s all back too. What’s killing me is my mind is still obsessed with that goal, but I can’t motivate my body to do anything about it. That’s not to say I’m not trying. Things are just going to be a little more complicated this time, because clearly the whole “well I’ll just not eat for 6 months” approach to weight loss ISN’T WORKING, and I understand why now, which helps, but also means I have to address some gigantic, well-established thought processes. That ish is hard.

That being said, I do think I’m making a little bit of progress, and I’d like to kind of track it here if I have the willpower to keep writing. I use to write in a journal every day, but I felt like it kept me stewing in my negative emotions too much (because what else would a 16-year-old girl write about except her emotional turmoil?!), so I stopped and have been hesitant to pick up the habit again. Also... I’m an adult with responsibilities now, so spending hours a day pouring my soul out to the internet isn’t really an option anymore. I’ve thought about doing some sort of daily or weekly blog/journal/whatever during this whole process, but like everything else in my life, I put it off. What a great self-deprecating segue!

So the first thing I think I’ve figured out is that I have **undiagnosed** (that’s important, I’m not trying to claim anything here, it just all makes too much sense to not be at least a possibility) ADHD. I remember wondering this in high school. I even remember telling my mom once that I thought I had it. She immediately offered to get me tested, and I refused, thinking there wasn’t really anything they could do to help me. I kinda want to go back and shake that girl now. What I didn’t realize then, and wouldn’t realize until just a few months ago, is that ADHD is SO MUCH MORE than just an inability to pay attention to things and being easily distracted. It messes with your entire life. Your productivity, your executive function (the part of your brain that tells you to start the thing you want to do), your relationships, your time-management skills, your hyperfixations that take over your entire life but only last for a finite period of time, your dopamine reception, all of it. That last one is especially important. If I’m correct, and I do have ADHD, it means that my brain doesn’t produce enough dopamine, so I am constantly looking for more. You know what gives an awesome, instant dopamine boost? Eating carbs and sugar.

I think I’ve had this for a long time and I subconsciously learned from a young age, both from the midwestern food culture (celebrating? food! grieving? food! stressed? let’s get some food! bored? food!) telling me that any kind of emotion can be improved with food, and my sneaky little ADHD friend compounding the comfort/reward aspects of those food solutions, that food will make me feel good, no matter what else is going on. Throw in the fact that I’ve been slightly overweight my whole life, and while I was not actively bullied persay, I was passively bullied (by myself and others) enough that I was already insecure (it was called “shy” at that time) by the age of about 7. We’ll go into all of that later because it played more of a part than I originally gave it credit for. Anyway, ADHD has a lot of what are called co-morbid disorders, which are basically conditions that are likely to occur with an ADHD diagnosis. These can include depression, anxiety, OCD, oppositional defiant disorder, learning disabilities, executive function disabilities, aaaaand eating disorders, especially binge eating disorder. Binge eating disorder (BED) with anorexic and bulimic tendencies is what my current diagnosis is, I think. At least the BED part. What a coincidence.

Now, I’m not trying to say that my current weight is all due to my potentially existing ADHD. I clearly made some choices along the way to get here, but I have spent so many hours and sleepless nights wondering WHY I can’t just ‘eat healthier’ or stick to a diet and lose the weight. Why do I struggle so much with these things that other people are totally capable of? Having an explanation is such a comfort. Knowing that there’s a reason why this process is so hard for me, when it seems so easy for others keeps me from falling into depression and helplessness. Prior to talking with my therapist and my dietitian, I would sit and think about what it would take for me to be a healthier, fitter version of myself. I would picture myself years from now eating salads and veggies while my family ate pizza, like my mom use to do while she was on weight watchers. I would picture just wanting to take a lazy day but I needed to get my 4 mile run in first, and that future looked miserable. But the only way I had ever been successful at losing weight was by literally starving myself and pushing my body to the extreme with exercise, so clearly that was the only way to do it. I’m learning that this all or nothing thinking is deeply flawed, and honestly a big part of the reason I’ve been so unsuccessful in the past. Restriction (especially extreme restriction) is not sustainable, and studies have shown that it actually causes people to gain more weight back than they originally lost. Because diet culture is a huge money maker and they need a way to have repeat customers. Once you fall into the binge/restrict cycle, it is very difficult to get back out. That’s where I am now.

Even though I want this thing so bad, and I have a path that’s going to be easier this time, I’m having trouble actually making the small changes I need to start with, because my body literally does not trust me anymore. Every time I eat a food I like, I have to eat as much as I possibly can, just in case this is the last time I’ll let myself have it for months. If I make a small change, eat a healthy snack, do a quick workout before work in the morning--the little voice in my head says, good, we’ve started, now don’t eat anything else the rest of the day so we can keep up our progress, and more often than not I listen. Moderation is not always easy when you’ve lived in these extremes your entire life.

I don’t think I’m alone in this. I think there are a lot of people who can identify with these same struggles, even if they haven’t recognized these issues in themselves yet. So I’ve decided to try to chronical this journey to healthier thought patterns, and see where that takes me physically. You always hear the stories of the successful people after they’ve been successful. Let’s get through the gritty part together. I’ve been in therapy about weight loss for almost 2 years now, and I’ve made some major shifts in my thought processes already, I still have a lot to do. If I can help even one other person escape this cycle, it will be worth it.

I’m going to end today with an assignment my dietitian gave me, which is finding other reasons to fix my relationship with food other than weight loss. Some of these still have to do with losing weight, but don’t focus on a number on the scale. Hopefully I can check these off and more over the coming years!

1. I miss riding horses, but I don’t feel like I can fairly do it right now at the weight I am.

2. On that same thread, there are a lot of activities I’d like to try that look like a lot of fun, but my weight holds me back both physically (weight limits) and mentally (fear of judging, looking stupid, failing and deciding it’s because of my size, associating a severely negative emotion with the activity and giving up interest in it before giving it a fair shot, etc.) Some of those things include, aerial silks, pole dancing (not stripping, but like, the exercise classes), kayaking, rock wall climbing, dancing, and a bunch more that I’ll think of later. I love doing outdoor activities, but I don’t because my weight makes me so uncomfortable.

3. Losing the stress of going to an unfamiliar restaurant, and the judgement around ordering the same, bland thing every time. I have been chastised for being a picky eater my entire life, so I have a lot of stress around choosing foods in front of other people. This is also something that formed, unknowingly to me, at a young age. It results in an almost panic-like state of mind if the trip is sprung on me and I don’t have time to prepare (like the time I started my new job and another employee was assigned to take me to lunch, and almost chose a sushi restaurant before we realized we wouldn’t have time to get there and back. I don’t do sushi, I had no idea what to order, and I barely paid attention to the rest of my orientation that morning because I was panicking about lunch.), or, if I know it’s coming, I will binge on something I do like and that I know will keep me full before I go. Then I can order a small side salad or something, tell the person I’m with that I’m “just not that hungry today” and not have to worry about my stomach growls giving me away. This also spills over into places that I really like to go to. If I know we’re going to Old Chicago, for example, and I can easily put away one of their individual pizzas in one sitting, but I’m scared the people I’m with will judge me for that, I’ll binge before I go there too, so I can eat half of it, ask for a box, and finish the rest on the way home or later that night. It’s not healthy, and I didn’t even consciously realize I was doing it until a few months ago.

4. Having a truly open mind about trying new things. I hate being so picky. Hate it. But textures and certain flavors activate my gag reflex and I cannot eat them. There are some foods that are ‘okay’, or “I’ll eat it, but I probably wouldn’t make it for myself.” but for the most part it’s I LOVE THIS SO MUCH (read: anything made of bread and cheese), or I HATE THIS SO MUCH I CANT EVEN SWALLOW IT. Because of those extremes, I don’t try a lot of new foods, because history shows I don’t like most things. When I do, I try to have an open mind, or try to look and sound like I have an open mind, but I’m already prepared to spit it out before I even take the fist bite. I want to more more foods into my “its okay” range, and maybe eventually form a “hey, this is pretty good” range. I want to be able to go to my boyfriend’s parents’ house and eat what his dad cooks (he’s always trying new recipes with a lot of different foods and spices. He takes great pride in his cooking, which he should, and I feel like I constantly offend him with my 6-year-old tastebuds. I avoid going over there if I know there’s going to be food because I’m so stressed about not hurting his feelings.

5. I want to be able to have options about where to buy my clothes. Right now I’m limited to a few things at Walmart (which are sometimes super cute, but are usually very not cute), and Torrid which is always cute but sooooo expensive. I’d love to see a cute shirt in a store window or even online and think, hey, I should try that on! Instead of, “well that will never fit me.”

6. I want to want vegetables. I want to be able to choose foods based on how they make my body feel instead of the taste. I want to crave a lunch that gives me energy to get through the rest of my day, instead of something that tastes delicious (hello giant bowl of ravioli), but leaves me in a carb crash and not wanting to do anything the rest of the day. I want to see my food as fuel.

7. I want to not feel so guilty about eating the things I do like! It isn’t so bad when I’m by myself (hence my continued secret eating), but even if I’ve been good (or put up a facade of being good) all week, if I’m the one who asks to order pizza or make pasta for dinner, I feel heavily judged. I do it to myself a bit as well, but especially if there are others, and especially if they know I’m trying to lose weight.

8. I want to have kids one day (part 1). My doctor told me at my last appointment that she wants to see me get to around 200 lbs to give me the best shot at a healthy pregnancy. That’s not unreasonable, and I think she’s right. I’m in my 30s and my window to have kids will close sooner rather than later, so I want to get my body to a place where I can confidently make that choice when I’m ready.

9. I Want to have kids one day (part 2). I want to teach my kids to enjoy healthy foods so they don’t have to go through this same struggle. How am I suppose to expect them to try vegetables and healthier foods if I wont?

10. I want my life to stop being about food and weight all the time. It literally never leaves my mind. I want to be able to stop obsessing about it and just live and know that I can trust my body to make the right choices and maintain my optimum lifestyle without stressing and obsessing over food every single day.

I think that’s a start. I want to start diving into this more and doing more frequent entries so these aren’t all 10 pages long. I don’t have a great track record with that, but I want to try. I want to be able to look back on the work I put in while I celebrate reaching those 10 goals I just listed. I want to help other people reach their goals too without having to go through the mental anguish I’ve been experiencing for the last 20-something years.

One day at a time, one meal at a time. I’ve got help, I’ve got goals, I’ve got time and ability. I’ve just got to do it.

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type-a-nomad · 7 years

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March 21

This weekend I went on a Safari. The trip was with a travel group called Hotspots and it was marketed as a Safari but that was very misleading. It was so much better than a single safari. A week before, my friends Dani, Lucy, Sydney, and Jenine all signed up to go on this trip with me. That Friday, we were picked up at 6am by the hotspots van. We drove for 4 hours, only stopping once at a really cute little roadside cafe with an amazing gift store that I spent way too much money at. Only stopping once was really problematic for me because it appears I have the smallest bladder on the planet and my body loves to remind me of this fact during 4 hour car rides. We finally arrived at a place called the Cango Caves, which is a UNESCO Heritage Site and almost exactly what you would expect. The caves were massive with gorgeous limestone stalactites and stalagmites. The coolest thing that happened on the tour was that they had this tiny little light installed next to all the huge lights they have lighting up the different chambers. The guide then turns off all of the illuminating lights and only leaves the tiny tiny light on to simulate what it was like when the first person came into the caves with only an oil lamp. It was terrifying but in a fantastic way. I love being put in historically empathetic situations because it’s hard to imagine an experience so different from your own reality without any real example. After the caves we all piled back into the van and drove to our first hostel. We were only staying one night so unpacking was completely unnecessary and we quickly used the time we would have spent doing that finding the hostel’s bar. There are very few things more satisfying than sitting around a fire with your friends in Africa, drinking an African cider literally called Savannah, and talking about life and why socks with cool patterns on them are the best. About an hour passed and we decide we cant put dinner off any longer because we are simply too hungry to function. We ask the hostel’s front desk where we should go and they give us vouchers for free wine at this local restaurant called the Black Swan. I am still in my hiking clothes from the cave and assume that, because it’s recommended by an African hostel who's bar is bigger than the kitchen, it will be casual. Half of our group didn't even wear shoes because we only had to walk down the street and we’ve collectively realized that bare feet are just better.

We show up to the Black Swan and all I see are white table clothes and well dressed people. The carpet was classier than us. These people still seated us even though we weren't wearing shoes and were clutching our wine vouchers like it was a golden ticket to Willy Wonka. The food was excellent and the service was even better. We asked the manager of the restaurant where the closest ATM was so we could walk there after dinner and he took out his car keys and DROVE us there. The waitress was so cool and funny. By the end of the night the restaurant workers gathered around our table and took a picture with us because we all got along so well. When we got back to the hostel everyone went to the bar and I went to bed. This is somewhat of a pattern here. We had to leave at 7:30am and, per usual, I wanted my full 8 hours. I don’t know what happened at the bar or what time they got back, but when I woke up it was pretty clear that it was a good time. The 7am alarm was incredibly brutal, though, and hauling everyone out of bed and into clothes was possibly the most challenging part of the trip. Breakfast was great because they had cinnamon buns for $1. Our next stop was the elephant sanctuary. It was even more amazing than I ever could have expected. Elephants are huge. Not a surprising fact, but it’s really rare to actually experience a living creature of that size. You can try to imagine it, but the shear energy of these beings was amazing. They were so powerful and so calm. The thing that struck me the most was the way they walked. For some reason, I always expected elephants to have hard feet, kind of like horses. When I imagine an elephant, I picture the large toenail sort of things they are often depicted as having. This is simply not the case. Their feet are like slippers. When they walk, it’s almost silent. They’re so impressively graceful. We went on a bush walk with them and I was inches away from the massive creatures. They were rescues and lived in the sanctuary because they were found as babies because their mothers had been poached. They live in a way very different from the wild, but it’s humane. I’ve heard of places where elephants are sedated to be around people and it was very relieving to see that this was not the case. The elephants were so obviously happy. They loved giving hugs. Whenever I was close to one, they would wrap their trunk around me and give me a cuddle, which is sweet but so forceful sometimes I almost fell over. My favorite was the female of the group, Malaika, which means angel. When elephants walk, they walk single file, and the female of the group always leads. The male elephants would wait for Malaika to walk and then they would follow. One thing that particularly stunned me when I was with the elephants was the honesty of their existence. You can tell when you're with them how intelligent and emotional they are. And yet, they clearly have no concept of lying. They are so raw and straightforward in their existence, not because they are simple creatures, but because their honest ones. Humans spend so much time trying to be something else than exactly who they are where they are. We could learn from the animals around us if we opened ourselves to it. Elephants are not only matriarchal but also very family-oriented. They usually live in family units and that’s why it’s so horrible to poach them, because elephants mate for life and experience sever grief when they lose a member of their family. It amazes me that somebody could look at these creatures and it would occur to them to kill them for their tusks. That’s such a bizarre idea— that somebody’s reaction to seeing these beautiful animals would be to take what they see as most pleasurable for them materially, instead of experiencing how incredible life is. My friend Tim told me this a few days ago and I think it applies to everything, but is especially fitting in this situation. There are two kinds of humans in the world and they break down in this story. Once upon a time a man was walking in the forest and he sees the most beautiful flower he's ever laid eyes on. He spends hours staring at it and decides to pick it and take it back home with him. He puts it in his favorite vase next to his bed and it dies in a week. Another man is walking in the forest and sees the most beautiful flower he’s ever laid eyes on and he stops and stares for hours. After the sun sets, he walks back home. The next day he returns and waters the flower and feeds it with rich soil so it grows even larger and more beautiful and more alive than ever before. This not only applies to poaching elephants or settling for short term gratification, but also to relationships. There are people who see certain things they like in you and want to take them for their own, and after they capture that part of your beauty, they can discard you. There are other people who see things they like in you and see your potential and will do anything to build that and help you reach your most developed, beautiful self, even if it comes at some emotional cost for them. Emotional investment and selflessness in relationships is so important. Now more than ever this story resonates with me. I am in South Africa, far away from all of my loved ones at home. I only know the people around me for the two months I am here. I could make relationships with people I find fun and easy to be around, and then leave South Africa and that relationship in my past as I return home. The other option is to seek deep relationships. To invest myself emotionally in other people who live halfway across the world and, even though it is not easy or emotionally convenient, realize the preciousness of really fitting with somebody. I choose to do the latter. I have lived in two separate continents in the past 8 months and I have met a lot of people. The more people I meet, the more I realize how rare it is to find that beautiful flower of a person and how important it is to invest in that relationship, even if it’s in a forest very very far away. The rest of Saturday was a whirlwind. We drove from the elephant sanctuary to the wetlands and went kayaking in a river for about an hour. Then we went to a food market in the middle of nowhere onto our next adventure: bungee jumping (sort of). Saying it was “our” next adventure is putting it strongly. It was a couple of our group’s next adventure. There were two options, either go bungee jumping off of the highest bridge in the world into a steep canyon between two mountains, or go see a 1000 year old tree on a nature reserve. You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to guess which option I opted for. The tree itself was underwhelming, but the nature reserve was brilliant. It was so untouched and I was able to really experience an African forest/jungle for the first time. It wasn't a tropical jungle so it didn't look like the image that popped into your head when I said that, but it was humid and dense. There was very little sunlight that could penetrate through the trees. There were animal tracks everywhere and, even though it was the early afternoon still, the cicadas were incredibly loud. To my great relief, I didn't interact with many bugs. South Africa has some crazy spiders. First of all, they're huge. Second of all, they JUMP. This is not an exaggeration, these motherfuckers can leap like their the track star on the high school varsity team. That scares the shît out of me and I have absolutely no tolerance for it. I can cope with moving to a different hemisphere, alone, with little to no information about where I’m staying or what I’m doing, but when it comes to jumping spiders, I hit my limit. A good catch phrase for my attitude is: I’m not a physical risk-taker, I’m an intellectual risk-taker. We all piled back into the car and I tried to sleep and failed miserably. I decided to just blast my music through my headphones and dance in my seat while taking time to myself. We pulled into the hostel about 2 hours after we started driving and it was 6:30pm. The sun was setting and the sky was magnificent. Our hostel was right on the beach and we all ran out of the car to catch the last of the sunset on the water. Nothing could have prepared me for this. I ran up the sand dune and when I saw the beach my jaw dropped to the floor. In front of my was the most spectacularly turquoise ocean, entirely consuming the horizon, the clouds looked as if they had been painted into the sky by JMW Turner, the water was reflecting the pink of the clouds and the sand was fluffy and white. Everything stood still. Everyone else went to take photos and play around and I just walked off by myself. I had to take it all in. It was my first experience with the Indian Ocean and I am positive it will not be my last. The entire beach was so beautiful, peaceful, and energetic all at the same time. I was so overwhelmed I started to cry. I felt so at home and in love with my surroundings. I was in the same clothes I wore hiking in the nature reserve, but I really just didn't care. I ran into the water and swam. It was so warm and welcoming. The waves were beautiful and I watched the sun turn red on the horizon, surrounded by salty water and rhythmic currents. I wanted the world to stop turning. It’s called Myoli Beach and it is heaven on earth. A couple days later a friend asked me what I would do if i was told I only had 4 weeks to live. Without pause, I responded that I would live on Myoli. I’ve never connected with a place so incredibly. Leaving that beach felt like meeting your soulmate and having no choice but to go separate ways because of circumstances. This beach was in the middle of nowhere. It’s 5 hours from Cape Town by car. Even so, I promised myself I would go back at least once before I leave South Africa. Saturday night dinner was gross so I didn't eat much, so I compensated with a milkshake. We went to bed fairly early and got up at 7am again for a 7:30 breakfast. By 8:15 we were on the road to the Safari. The Safari was what you would expect. A huge savannah and rolling hills, lots of animals, driving around in a 4x4, the whole shebang. My favorite animals to see were the elephants because they were massive. Elephants can live around 90 years and don't stop growing until they're 40. It’s amazing. There was a family of elephants lead by a single dad because the mother had passed away after getting very sick when she gave birth to her second son. Usually, the males don't stay with the kids and the family unit is just the mother and the children, but the father has been with the children for 10 years now and I thought that was amazing.

We saw rhinos in person and they were very chubby. They kept taking mud baths and rolling around, as rhinos do. If rhinos were humans, they wouldn't be able to see their toes. It’s amazing to see an animal that large and that different. I also think it’s really interesting how the first people came from Africa and the more dinosaur-like animals are all in Africa. It seems like the place that has stayed closest to the history of life on earth. Rhinos, elephants, wildebeests, and water buffalo all remind me of dinosaurs— or whatever we have decided dinosaurs would have looked like. Here’s a fun fact: water buffalo are called that because they are always close to water because they sweat so much and, thus, need to drink hundreds of liters of water a day. So, you know that you're in the vicinity of freshwater if you see them. The most beautiful animal we saw were the lions. They were so small compared to all of the other animals and so cuddly. I know they’re wild animals so that sounds ridiculous, but they were so feminine and strong at the same time, I really wanted a big lion hug. The lionesses were so beautiful and fluffy, I completely understand why somebody would want a pet lion. One of my favorite colors in the world is that glowing gold color of a lion’s eyes. The rest of the day was pretty much non-eventful. We went to another market and I got my close friend Tim a perfect birthday present which was exciting because I love finding perfect birthday presents. Sunday night was interesting because I was exhausted and I would have just gone to bed if I had not promised my friends I would go out for a drink that night. So instead of sleeping I popped into a freezing cold shower to wake myself up and put on pjs that could pass as clothes so I could go straight to bed when I got home. I had a fantastic time and I’m glad I rallied. I find the nights where I’m in between going out and staying in are the nights I end most happy that I went out and had conversations with people I would have missed out on otherwise. Monday morning was fine. Mainly uneventful. On Mondays we use the day to plan the week’s lessons and clean and organize our resources for the week. Monday afternoon and evening were fantastic. In the afternoon I went to an amazing beach called Camps Bay. It’s my favorite beach in Cape Town. Behind the beach, there is a part of Table Mountain called the “12 disciples”, which are 12 hills that stick out. It’s dramatic and magnificent. One of my friends said the most amazing thing when we got to the beach: “This place is special because you have a view both ways”, meaning in front of you, there is the expansive Atlantic Ocean and a white sand beach, behind you there is an amazing mountain range, and you're sandwiched tightly in between the two shockingly beautiful displays of the natural earth. From there, the night only got better. After the beach, I changed in the bathroom of a bar across the street into nice clothes because I was going out to dinner. Tim’s parents are in town and his birthday is Wednesday so they had an early birthday dinner and I went with our other friend Lucas to a great Italian restaurant called La Perla. His parents (from Belgium) found it very ironic that they were sitting and eating at an Italian restaurant in the middle of South Africa. The food made me miss Italy because, really, nobody will ever come close to Tuscan cooking. His mom and dad were fantastic. It never fails to shock me how meaningful it is to see somebody’s roots when you have met them in a context outside of where they call home. You learn so much just by meeting somebody’s parents. His mother in particular was impressive. Every time she spoke, you could pick out an epigraph out of her point. Something small, catchy, and spot on. One of the ones that particularly stuck with me was when she said “Everyone wants to live long, but nobody wants to age”. That seems very applicable to a lot of people in my life right now. She talked about wrinkles and other parts about getting older and how she welcomes it and just tries to take care of herself as best she can and I think that’s really the best way to go about it. After dinner, Tim, Lucas, and I were exhausted and we all went straight to bed. Tuesday was very interesting. The morning was more or less normal. We went to Vissershook for tutoring. This time, we had the same kids over two separate 30-min blocks. My girl was named Felicity and she was so sweet. She had a short attention span and didn’t think that she was as bright as she was, which is always a challenge but also why I’m there: to empower through encouragement and learning. During break, I hung out with Brooklyn (the 5th grader) and her squad. Last week, she wasn't at school at all and this was really concerning to me. There were fires in Dunoon last week, 500 people are displaced. Many of the teachers and kids we work with were among those 500. When Brooklyn didn't come to school for a whole week, my mind immediately thought that she was in that group. I pulled her aside the second I saw her in the morning and asked why she wasn't at school last week. She said she had missed the bus. This didn't sit right at all. Missed the bus?? 5 Days in a row?? I find that extremely hard to believe. I knew I shouldn't press her because it’s a sensitive subject and she clearly doesn’t want to get into whatever made her miss school, but I decided that it was actually worth asking because I can maybe help whatever is going on, even if she is afraid to seek that help. She still wouldn't give me a straight answer, so I dropped the subject, but it was very worrying and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. Brooklyn is so smart, kind, sweet, funny, and mature. I talk to her like a peer. Her and all of her friends are very curious about what it’s like in the US. They have very little access to information about other countries and the combination of little information with large, young imaginations, means they draw a lot of false conclusions. For example, they thought because Danni is from the UK, that she lives in a castle.

This Wednesday, March 21, is a national holiday (beside’s Tim’s 21st birthday). This national holiday is Human Rights Day. When we left Vissershook, everything was fine and normal. One thing I did notice was that, as we passed Dunoon, on the farm land opposite the township, people were putting stakes in the group and marking off areas where they could put a new house. This was not particularly unsettling because of the amount of homes that had been lost in the past week, it makes sense people would be claiming new land to build new homes. However, when we got home, it was clear that not everything was fine or normal. Many people were home from their projects, which means they got back two hours early. Apparently, people were starting to protest and demonstrate for national human rights day. The people planting stakes in the ground were actually protesting by marking the amount of land they needed the government to give them to actually live in a house instead of on the streets. I’m not sure exactly to what degree the riots got to, because the volunteers were bussed out ASAP when things started to develop. From what I gathered, it was actually the teachers at the schools that could tell something was wrong and that it wasn't good for the volunteers to be in the townships anymore. We couldn't do afternoon projects because we couldn't get the kids in or out of the townships without risking their safety, or our safety. This was a huge bummer, because project the next day was already cancelled for the national holiday. With my free afternoon, I went to the beach for a bit. It was beautiful, as usual. But past the visual beauty, something really cool happened. There were seals in the water maybe 10 feet from the shoreline and they were surfing the waves. It was amazing to see because the water here is very clear so you can find the seals in the waves very easily. Further, there were also surfers in the water, so there were people and seals surfing the same waves maybe 10 fee from each other. The seals clearly had their technique down. They would swim into them and kind of ride it into the crash zone, almost until I was a little concerned they would be stuck on shore, and then they would somehow materialize back to where the waves were building seconds later. Other animals amaze me, and humans don’t appreciate the genius of our fellow animals as much as we should. That evening, I went up with some friends to a hill in front of Table Mountain called Signal Hill. You look down over Camps Bay and the ocean just extends into a vast, infinite horizon. The sky was lit up with color. I couldn't help but think during the sunset how precious every millisecond was. I love sunsets because of their impermanence and how they remind me to appreciate the present instead of trying to cling and preserve something I find beautiful. Instead, I try to feel the depth of each moment, even as it slips away. Moreover, I never see the exact point of change as the sun sets, but I can feel the colors and energy changing even though I can’t put my finger on the specific moments of shifting. The only downside of the evening was that I am entirely out of clothes because the laundry hasn't come back, and it’s two days late. I was forced to wear my PJs out to hike up through thorny bushes to the viewspot we went to, and it shredded my cute sweatpants. But hey, I’ll take shredded sweatpants for a beautiful African sunset on a hill overlooking Cape Town, while sitting and talking with friends, any day. That seems like a pretty great trade off to me. All my friends got tattoos today and I did not (you’re welcome Mom and Dad). Danni’s is a contour-line drawing of a penguin on her ankle. I think tattoos are great if you have something you need to be reminded of every day to train your mind to get somewhere. However, you don’t actually need a tattoo for that. This weekend, I bought a lot of jewelry and I’m wearing it every day. The most important piece was a hand made ceramic piece on a black chord that I wear as a necklace. The symbol means “purity”. This reminds me of my new years resolution that I decided to simplify into one word so I would actually remember and follow it: CLEAN. I need to clean my brain. I need to find the clutter and the swirling thoughts and give myself more brainspace so I can actually see what’s up there, instead of just feel the weight of all of the thoughts without being able to untangle any of them. The other jewelry I got was all handmade in South Africa as well, because I really believe in supporting local economies and, if I’m going to be materialistic and collect more objects for myself, I would like the history of that object to be honorable. I bought a jade necklace, that symbolizes the release of negative thoughts and energies, and the attraction of love and wealth. When I think of wealth, I’m not thinking about money, but instead richness of relationships. I also got a turquoise bracelet, which is a grounding stone that is very strong and protective, as well as something that balances male and female energy, which I think captures the duality of the universe. My last acquisition was a bracelet made out of amazonite, which is a light blue-grey stone that reminds me a bit of my own eyes. This stone is for creative people who have a lot of thoughts and passions, and sometimes need a little boost to have the same strength of mind as they do for new ideas as they have for their self-worth. I love having little reminders to be strong, grounded, creative, supportive of myself and others, to act with integrity, and also release bad energies and the extra things that crowd my brain and cloud my thinking. When I make a goal, I try to have an element that’s negative and an element that’s positive. That is to say, a non-action and an action. You can tell somebody to stop being so quiet, but the better way to say it is to tell them to talk more. To the same end, I try to make sure I have positive, action-based, goals, instead of just things I need to NOT do anymore. Because, it is very easy to see what I’m doing that’s bad and try and get rid of it, but it’s harder to look for something that isn't there and grow and build in an undeveloped direction. It’s all about balance, one day at a time.

That’s all for now. I have way more thoughts, but am lacking energy and I know I will be able to give more tomorrow. Still trying to work on posting more than once a week. I’ve been getting a bit swept up by life here and find it more and more difficult to find time to check my phone or write down my thoughts. The time is slipping through my hands and it absolutely blows my mind that it is March 21st already. - Q

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allbeendonebefore · 7 years

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What are your favourite head/canon things about Alberta

[cracks knuckles] [stretches fingers]

so i’ll just start with a disclaimer - i use sherry’s/iamp/whatever alberta and i realize ive been getting a lot of followers who are part of rp groups and whatever or people who might be interested in adding some depth to their own ocs so feel free to like… think about these things if you want if you’re thinking of doing an alberta oc?? I guess

so since that mysterious slash implies what are my fave canonical things about AB too I’ll say that there isn’t much- I go with what sherry says on canon rather than IAMP and PC because while there are a lot of things I had influence over in both projos there are a lot of things I would have done differently so we’ll start with the bio

Canon Stuff

literally all the things are accurate sooo its hard lol. Obviously the political situation has changed and the economic situation is its usual rollercoaster (WELL… but thats another time). I gotta say that the ‘alberta beef is the best thing that’s ever happened to me’ is really hitting home right now because i didnt realize how SPOILED i was by AAA beef until I got to Ontario ToT (ngl the pork here is super good and saves me money but the BEEF aAAA)

also my edmonton bias shines through at ‘he hates a part of himself called calgary’ thats by far my second fave B)))

Headcanon Stuff

ok where to start I will try to not make this an essay and i can elaborate more if you’re curious

- a lot of people will wonder about whether a province lives in the capital or the biggest city etc. and I have to say in Bertie’s case it is NEITHER. He’d never willingly live in (d)E(a)dmonton (sorry ed ilu) because Ed represents Government which he Hates and while he would spend a fair bit of time in Calgary he gets claustrophobic/exhausted - he still in my mind represents more of the rural bits of the province than the cities. I think he might move around a little, but he probably lives on a ranch between both cities but within sight of the mountains. I’m sure he has a place to stay in each city, but he’s a country boy at heart and appreciates his space, peace and quiet.

- Particularly space because Where else is he going to keep his 3 trucks + 2 ATVs + horses + 100000 cows + boat + canoe + kayak + all his camping junk + motorbikes + dirtbikes + tractor + other junk that people leave at his place

- that said his ‘birthplace’ is the southern ‘half’ of the province so he tends to kind of hover around there more- as i said he owns a ranch rather than a farm because the Quality Ranch Land is in the south and the Good Farm Land is in the north (and being eaten up by ugly houses ugh)

- still I think he spends a fair amount of time working up north in the Fort Mac area because Why Not make All the money. Even if you’re a rancher boy in the middle of nowhere, everyone in this province has ties to the oil industry one way or another. It wouldn’t make sense for him NOT to work in Oil and Gas because it’s literally the only job in the province lmao.

- His driving playlist consists of: Dean Brody, Corb Lund, Keith Urban, Ian Tyson, and the obligatory Nickelback which he listens to Un-ironically but also to piss off/drown out passengers when they’re annoying him

- He’s easily annoyed. By Everything. And Everyone. He’s the current national scapegoat and he takes it Extremely Personally depending on the context but also he has a relatively affectionate relationship with everyone and usually expresses his affection by pointed jabs.

- like he literally gets along with everyone on a personal level and not just because he buys them drinks- his worst relationships are probably with BC and Ontario and that’s just because he lives to irritate them and they respond with an appropriate amount of salt. He still doesnt mind hanging out with them and bc/ab/on/qc is an unstoppable team. He just gets extremely sensitive when anyone asks to borrow money from him and will give you an earful of ‘i work SO HARD for this money to put FOOD on YOUR TaBLe’

- generally really tight fisted with money………. only when other people are looking. he makes a big deal about how little he spends on essential services and you just look at him like ‘so you’re saying you have the money to get all this crap for this rodeo coming up but you dont have the money to take yourself to the hospital after’ and hes like [coughs up blood anime style] ‘im ok i have whiskey and benadryl at home’ [adjusts his diamond studded hat]

- really big on loyalty and straightforward conversations and has NO patience for any hypocrisy or doublespeak no matter how small. The slightest of things can send him reeling with Betrayal. Also this makes him either tight lipped or TMI, there is no in between.

- like literally reeling he’s very top heavy and you could blow him over with a sneeze, he’s all bark and only some bite. When he’s good he’s Real Good but when he’s bad he’s like a foot in the grave bad

- he’s the baby of the prairie bros but also the one with the brains- and i don’t mean in an academic sense i mean in the ‘so crazy it just might work’ sense.

- literally he’s an idiot he doesnt understand how equalization payments work no matter how many times you explain it to him. He doesn’t understand a lot of things re: the economy but he never shuts up about them.

- the easiest way to piss him off is to threaten his autonomy in any way, he will stop whatever he’s doing to put a boot up yer ass if you Dare suggest something like ‘why don’t you let ontario/canada take care of that for you’ even if he knows the way he’s doing something is garbage he will go out of his way to keep doing it because its ‘my way or the highway’.

- ‘why do you have all those guns’ ‘oh you know hunting deer and stuff’ [really its because he’s terrified a rat is going to sneak into his barn or something] [but he does actually hunt] [and he’s the type of guy to have the ‘trespassers will be shot’ signs]

- I haven’t figured out WHAT truck he drives yet but i am PROUD OF HIM for no longer putting truck nuts on it, THANK GOD that went out of fashion. (That said he does not have the stacks- his truck is lifted and Shiny and also has a handful of Alberta Strong decals/stickers.) Newf probably gave him a sticker of “The Rock” or a nfld flag and he Loves it. On a scale of most to least obnoxious trucks its Mac - Bert - Cal - Ed. It’s probably a white truck.

- i should think about things he loves more, this headcanon list is mostly things that make him angry oops xDD he loves animals a lot, and not just to eat i swear. The bigger and the more horns the better.

- he really loves driving a lot, it’s like a big part of his independence factor. I think sometimes he will just drive aimlessly late at night/early morning when it’s not busy and just go and find somewhere to look at the sky.

- he looooves digging up fossils in his spare time, or just interesting rocks in general. If you say the words animatronic dinosaur he is ALREADY THERE

- he watches a lot of sci fi and really loves star trek. So Much. he’s totally attempted mowing crop circles in his lawn/fields probably multiple times. he’s still waiting for the ufos to come land. Also has a thing for spooky places and cryptids and those weird inexplicable twilight-zone like events that only happen on road trips. did i mention the Giant Roadside Attractions.

- he has this persona of being a traditional/small-and-big-c conservative but he’s actually really into innovation and trying new things, meeting new people, etc. He interacts with so many different people lately that he’s trying to take the time to really re-evaluate himself and move away from the Klein-era “Severely Normal People” image because it doesn’t reflect him. The issue is he’s more likely to vote on economy rather than social issues so his actual progressiveness gets hidden by lack of political representation (and lets be honest he has Always hated politics). He’s got a lot of crap to sort through but he catches people who underestimate him off guard.

- was probably raised methodist/protestant/whatever but is mostly pretty secular, but he has some definite strong holdovers that make him uncomfortable about certain subjects and his first reaction to being uncomfortable is always anger.

- completely oblivious to being hit on or something or really gay situations around him but is that type of person who is like [cant walk too close to another dude because what if it looks gay bro].

- his fave cow is named buttercup

- he has definitely woken up after a night out with friends naked and alone duct taped to an air mattress and floating in the middle of a lake. true story.

- he will macgyver his way out of any situation. doesn’t mind getting down and dirty in the mud when it’s necessary. exactly the type of person to shove his hands in bitumen and squish it around or to pick up a rock and lick it or to shove a thermometer up a cow. When he gets squeamish he does his best to be bullheaded and pretend like Nothing is Wrong until he faints.

- his french is crap but he Tries- the french he knows is backwater northern AB french which he’s too shy to bring up so he feigns ignorance. His german is good and his ukrainian is passable, his spanish is fine, he’s trying to get the hang of some other languages but doesn’t tell anyone he’s practicing because he hates getting made fun of xD

- the hat and boots are Absolutely to make him look taller than he actually is. He doesn’t wear inserts but he does make sure the sole/heel on any boot he buys is Thick. Smol insecure man with a Big hat. Will spend 300 bucks on shoes, but he actually does ride/work so its an investment for him.

- heads to Arizona/Mexico in the winter when he’s not working, otherwise Banff/Jasper are his ‘budget’ vacations lol.

i love this stupid province pls ask if you have any more questions because i love to talk and i feel like i’ve said too much already lol

#pc: alberta #hapo rambles #projectcanada #iamp: alberta #iamp #iammatthewian #Anonymous #pc headcanon

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mylittlewanders · 7 years

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Reflections

2017 – Like Oz, a year both great and terrible.

There was greed and stupidity and violence of epic proportions. The lowest bars were lowered further still, and I gave myself many pep talks of the “don’t crawl into a dark cave with that bottle of whiskey just yet” variety. I know I was not alone in these experiences, and I take great comfort in that. I also believe a reckoning is close. And in the immortal words of Forrest Gump, that is all I have to say about that.

Highlights are way more fun!

My biggest highlight of 2017 was an odd one. I got laid off from work. This has happened to me a couple times before and it has always been a lowlight, followed by stress and a mad sprint for the next available gig before bills came due.

I have been working since I was 14 years old, when I got my first job detasseling corn under the blazing August sun in Iowa. (If, like most people, you have never heard of detasseling, this article is a good primer.) I got my first steady job at 15, and since then, aside from that one relaxing “break” I took to have a baby 5 years ago, I haven’t had the opportunity to consider taking a chunk of meaningful time away from a job.

This time things were a little bit different. My unexpected June layoff came with something I have heard of but never hoped to actually experience - a real, honest-to-god severance package. If I was surprised by being laid off, the severance had me gob smacked. I approached it tentatively, like it was a wild animal that would startle and bound away from me at the slightest provocation.

My immediate inclination was to find another job immediately and bank the severance money. Thankfully, my husband and a couple of wise friends encouraged me not to look this gift horse in the mouth, and take some time off before jumping into the next thing. I had to wrestle my Midwestern work ethic into submission but in the end I acquiesced to the idea.

Fast forward to now, where I can look back at half a year of glorious, unadulterated time doing everything and nothing and lots of things in between. Much of what made this year special had to do with sitting at the table with the insecurity and vulnerability of not knowing what happens next and enjoying the feast anyway. I believe this is what they call a “life lesson” and I will definitely be carrying it with me.

There are, of course, some more specific events that stand out as highlights in 2017.

In January, I marched with millions of women (and men) around the world in a peaceful and powerful show of resistance and strength. In San Francisco our march started late due to a daytime permitting conflict, so we walked in the dark. By dusk, there was freezing rain pouring down from the heavens, so we slogged our way through water and wind. By the end of the march, as I wrung out my socks under a hand drier in a public restroom, I had never felt so cold in body and glowingly warm in soul at the same time.

In April, I saw the Broadway musical Hamilton. As you might guess, it was good.

In July, family and friends from near and far traveled to Colorado to celebrate my Dad’s 70th birthday. We had a hell of a party, followed by a trek to the top of the world to eat birthday cake on the Continental Divide.

The summer in general was filled with little adventures. I biked in the hills outside of Petaluma, kayaked on Tomales Bay, chased down the solar eclipse on a mountainside in Napa, splashed in the bouldery fairyland of the Yuba River, and spent a long weekend immersed in the beauty of Lake Tahoe.

In September, there was a quick trip to New York City, with all the walking, people-watching, eating, drinking, art and culture a girl could want, in the company of some of my favorite humans.

Declan and I traveled to Iowa for five fun-filled days with Babi and Papa in October. At the time, Napa and Sonoma counties were raging with wildfire, and it was bliss to just breathe the clean fall air in Cedar Rapids. We carved pumpkins on the porch and took a memorable ride on Bessie the tractor at Wilson’s apple orchard. The air was much better when we returned to the West Coast.

Later that same month Aaron and I spent two nights, grown-ups only, at the charming Druid’s Hall in Olema. We hiked at Point Reyes, drank mead, ate local delicacies and did crazy things like sleep late and have long, uninterrupted conversations. It’s always nice to remember that your husband and co-parent is also your dear friend.

Finally, as the year wound down in December, I got to experience the amazing decadence of The French Laundry in Yountville. It was culinary theater at its finest. And that wine list…I swoon.

So now, 2018 awaits. I am not a big New Year’s resolution kind of person – I tend to share Mark Twain’s point of view – “Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.”

I do, however, think it’s nice to set an intention to come back to as the months ahead unwind. This year, inspired by these lovely thoughts shared by President Obama, I intend to focus on optimism. I spent a lot of time in the darkness in 2017 and I feel a primal need for more light, like a plant in a dim room or a seed buried in the earth. Optimism in general is a broad idea, but I sense there are many specific applications that lie waiting in the 365 days to come.

Here’s to a happy, healthy and world-changing 2018!

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ride-run-sleep-repeat · 7 years

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There are many types of fun and for some reason, I keep having to push the limits of this “fun”.

I was asked to be part of the Mont Adventure Racing team for Wildside Adventure race as unfortunately, Dane had to pull out due to injury so we got bumped into the mixed category. Now I’d done Wildside back in 2014 at short notice and after vowing to never do one of these types of races again (for at least 5 years), I was now saying yes to my third.

So the fun I was looking for came in a 400km race on bikes, foot, abseiling, kayaks and packrafts to get to the often elusive finish line in as little time as possible. Easy right?

Here’s the course break down:

Leg 1 – 55km Trek Leg 2 – 107km MTB Leg 3 – 50km Trek & Abseil Leg 4 – 45km MTB Leg 5 – 33km Packraft Leg 6 – 10km Trek Leg 7 – 45km MTB Leg 8 – 14 km Paddle Leg 9 – 10km Trek Leg 10 – 26k MTB

Leg 1 was basically the ultra-marathon I hadn’t planned to run in many years. The boys set a cracking pace and I could only put my head down and keep my feet moving. Starting at Lake Eucumbene we made our way along the shoreline for 3/4’s of the trek till we went up over the hills and hit the first TA at the big, beautiful Trout. We were also rewarded with a cold lemonade and iced coffee from the servo.

After building our bikes up and making a quick transition we started on the 107k MTB which took us towards Orroral Valley. This leg was great. Mostly for the fact that I could keep up with the boys and that it was all very rideable. There were some big bloody hills, but nothing too outrageous. Morale was high, we got to the TA in Orroral to pack up bikes and start the 3rd leg which was a 50km trek & abseil.

It’s a weird thing racing on your home turf, good – because you know parts of the course, bad – because you know parts of the course. For example, the first part of the trek went through the AMRA Deep Space Mountain Marathon course (from which the mug I won in the race a few years ago I am currently drinking coffee from) and up to Booroomba Rocks. There are some big ass hills to get up and down. Once we got to the trailhead for Booroomba though, we knew there was only a short walk up to meet up with the Abseiling crew to get harnessed and ready to go. Not that I was nervous to do the abseil but I was kind of glad we were doing it at night. After a short and sweet abseil, we reached what i’m going to rank as an equal first worst experience of my life, the other being hike a bike up a mountain in China with 1 billion mosquitos trying to bite me.

We’d estimated it would take us 16 hours (which was the long estimate given to us at the start) and it took almost 24. Paul and Tom had planned for us to go a different way to the river but once we got to the bottom of the rocks, decided it was “easier” via the river. We took bush bashing to a whole new level on this leg. I tried to keep up with the boys but would literally get stuck and have to play Marco polo to find them a whole 5 metres away. Expending a lot of energy to go a whopping 1 km/ph is well… there were words said about Richard (the race director) that would make you blush.

Rare image of bush before I put my Gopro away for about 24 hours.

The rock hopping up the river was fun-ish, and there were some really beautiful waterfalls along the way, often accompanied by some really extreme farts thanks to Paul.

After getting out to near Corin road my feet were pretty wet and sore so I asked if we could take 15 min in the sun to dry them out. I think it took about 20 minutes to discuss this possibility, along with our sleep strategy. In the end, much to our time guardian Lee’s displeasure, we took the 15 which would probably prevent problems in the long run. (Or so we convinced ourselves).

Scott met us for a photo op near Woods reserve which was lucky because not long after I got an epic nosebleed which dripped on Lee’s walking poles (sorry Lee!).

Leg 4 was a ride started at Pierces creek and travelled through all the 4wd tracks in the pine forest. After collecting a CP at the cave, in what turned out to be an excellent navigation move, we decided to ride around to the Deep Space Observatory removing a disgusting part of Bullen Range. After doing a lot of down, up, walk, repeat we got to the descent of the range just as the sun was rising which was pretty speccy.

We arrived at the TA at around 6:30am and after packing the pack horse aka Paul with all the paddles and packrafts, we walked the 12kms from Point Hut crossing to Kambah pools to start on the water. Mel met us a little along the way on her commute to work which was really nice too!d

I always knew there was a nudist beach just down from Kambah pools but only go to experience this first hand literally 20 metres into our raft. It was a sore sight for eyes, I tell you what. After some full frontal nudity, and not because we were changing at a TA, the packraft was really enjoyable. We’d been worried at the start of the race that we might have to do this leg during the night, which meant we were either going to have to sleep before it or risk hypothermia. Somehow the stars aligned and although the river was pretty low, we got through it without a problem during the day. (Except for flooding our dry bags and giving the people watching at home small heart attacks because our tracker stopped working, sorry!). Also, huge shout out to Kim for the Riverview cafe, those brownies were epic!

Leg 6 was a 10km loop around the Cotter to some really cool lookout spots. We passed Stromlonauts as they were starting and they looked in pretty good spirits (although Tom says Clare’s eyes told another story). Then, because it was too easy, the last CP on the leg was 500 metres up a gully. You know, to keep it real again. We saw a few teams at the TA but don’t ask me what they were doing or where they were going.

With morale high, Leg 7 took us back on the bikes up the road to Stromlo to climb the steep fire road to the top. Having not slept for 48 hours + at this point, I decided to take a nodoz just before the climb. Holy. Moly. My eyeballs returned to their sockets, knees stopped aching and, clicking down into my granniest granny gear, I charged all the way up to the top without getting off. I even managed some primal whoop. I think everyone should get to experience a caffeine high after two days of sleep deprivation. Like, I’m pretty sure you haven’t lived until that moment.

Being locals to the area, the boys put away the maps and from Stromlo we sped on fire trails around the Arboretum and Black Mountain to the peninsula where we started the paddle leg.

Paul says this was the highlight for him because it was so trippy. We started this leg at 1am and there was no wind so the lake looked like glass. Everything on the bank had a reflection and everything was morphing into weird shapes. We were all feeling pretty tired by now and I couldn’t get my bearings for the life of me. Sleep monsters were everywhere we looked and while we made some good time collecting the first two CP’s after the third around Kingston Foreshore we slowed down considerably. I was having what felt like 5-minute dreams to jolt awake and find I was still paddling. Lee was also having trouble keeping himself awake because when I managed to keep my eyes open for more than a few minutes, I’d have to make sure he steered us clear of the trees and other debris around the edges. We finally made it to the TA and got ourselves a bit warmer around the gas heater.

Leg 8 was basically a huge hike around the Parliamentary Triangle to answer questions about buildings in Canberra. I would have prefered this be done on bike but as Tom pointed out, it was probably safer on foot. After passing the War Memorial, we decided to pop into Campbell shops around 5:30am to see if something was open. Lee knocked on the bakery door because there were lights on. Miraculously, someone came out and opened the door for us, we asked if we could buy something to eat and get coffee, she said she was just a baker and couldn’t make coffee for us but would let us buy food. I asked if I could make the coffees, as I knew how to use the machine and SHE AGREED. (Although I’m sure if she knew we hadn’t showered in a while it might have been a different story). So I made everyone a coffee, we scoffed some pies outside and marched onto the TA and our FINAL LEG.

Two climbs is what stood between us and the finish. We took the run-up fire trail to the top of Ainslie, which was mostly a hike a bike, then through the saddle to hike a bike up Majura. Close to the top, we came across a supporter’s sign for us, which had been vandalised and defaced by the BMX bandits and their grubby zinc. Soon after we met Ollie about halfway down the descent where he followed us along the wind tunnel of Majura parkway before wishing us well.

We crossed over the finish line after 3.25 days (78 hours) of racing with only 1 and a half hours sleep. To say our sleep strategy was aggressive is probably an understatement but got us through in the end.

On reflection we had a pretty good race partially due to the navigation of the boys being spot on, thanks to Richard Old and his crew for putting on a well organised expedition race in Canberra. We loved the course (even the hard parts) and really enjoyed racing around home.

Wildside Adventure Race 2017 There are many types of fun and for some reason, I keep having to push the limits of this "fun".

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mailspoon4-blog · 5 years

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On Baby Changing Areas in a Men’s Bathroom — Curtis McHale

When my oldest daughter started to read on her own it took so much concentration. Every single word involved 120% of her attention. She’d start to sound out a word, get close and guess and then ask me because it wasn’t quite right. I’d tell her what word she was searching for and she’d go off on the next bit. About half way through her first page she was fed up, not because of the effort of reading though.

Whoa, this is a long post. Did you know that Members get it in PDF, and other eBook formats? They also get to join me for discussion on how to improve their business monthly and finally a monthly book group. You should become a member. You can also purchase Getting Unstuck on Amazon.

Sure the work was hard, but the frustrating part for her was that the story didn’t make any sense. The writing wasn’t bad and the story wasn’t over her head. It was a decent kid’s book for a 6-year-old. The problem was that with all of her attention focused on figuring out which word she was looking at, she had no attention to spare to piece the whole sentence together at once.

She couldn’t grasp the flow of the story because she was just barely getting the individual words.

This is where you start with any endeavor. The simple fact of getting the basics done is overwhelming. When I started teaching myself web development while getting my Counselling Degree I could barely get a site up and launched. It was all held together with duct tape and promises.

I couldn’t spare any time to dig into what it took to run an awesome business. I was hanging on praying it didn’t all fall apart around me. I didn’t have a client vetting process, or know how to do great client communication. This is normal. In fact, one of the reasons I suggest you work for an agency or web firm before you head out on your own is so that you can learn a bunch of the lessons while getting paid by someone else.

Then you have less skin in the game. The risk is lower. Once you’re out and running your own business, the risk is all yours. If you make a mistake, you pay the price.

I remember sitting at my screen in my early development days with no one to ask for help. I sat debugging for 8 hours and at the end of the day I still didn’t even know the right questions to ask.

I cried.

You don’t have to do that if you work for someone else to start.

Many people get stuck focusing on the craft of code, or design. They want to sit walled off all day and do that work, but running a business is much more than the specific item you’re selling. Thinking that your business is only about the code is like my 6-year-old spending all her concentration on the words in front of her, with nothing to spare for the bigger picture.

If you’re running a web development shop, or a web design shop, or a freelance writing agency, you are not actually in the business of design, code, or writing.

You’re in the business of sales. You need to know how to figure out the value that the client wants if you want to earn well.

You can’t sit and focus all the time on code like a Maker. You have Manager tasks to do that no one can do but you. I manage these two different types of tasks with The Mullet Method for Deep Work.

With The Mullet Method, I work 6 am – 9 am on Maker tasks. I focus without distraction. Then I take an hour or two off work and get back to it for another three hours where I allow some distractions to be around.

If marketing and sales and managing client relationships all sound like a terrible idea, then keep your job. Stay where you are and do your Maker work, with little worry about sales and management and hiring and billing. Not everyone is cut out to run their own business.

Don’t idealize running a business. It’s a lot of pain and hard work.

photo credit: kwl cc

What You Need To Learn to Run a Successful Freelance Business

You don’t have to stay stuck though. In fact, I assume you’re tired of being stuck and you’re looking to learn to do more than write code. You’re ready to stop focusing on just the design or the writing, and dig into how to run a business that earns well and leaves time for a life outside of working.

You want to start being not only a financial force at home, you want to be a great dad as well. Someone who has the time to build Lego with the kids while not being stressed the whole time about ‘work’ and how it’s going to happen.

You’re in luck then, because we’re going to cover the big areas you need to have a handle on if you want to build an amazing business.

First, we’ll dig into marketing and sales to help make sure that you have a handle on what it’s going to take to handle those well.

Second, we’ll look at what it means to run client relationships well. This is the part where you follow up with prospects and former clients to keep your pipeline full.

Third, we’ll discuss what it means to run a great client project. The tools don’t matter as much as the methods you use to approach the client and keep them in the loop.

Finally, we’ll dig into what it means to be personally productive. When you are on your own it all comes down to you. There is no other team member to jump in and pull you out of the fire. You are either productive and get the work done, or you aren’t. The only person you can blame is yourself.

Now, let’s get started with marketing and sales for the freelancer.

photo credit: clement127 cc

Marketing and Sales for Your Freelance Business

The first place you’ll need to start is to figure out which niche you’re going to serve. I’ve already written a whole book called Finding Your Niche and Marketing which addresses the specifics, so this will be an overview of the high points you better have covered to even be playing the right game.

Why You Need to Niche

Deciding to go for a niche is scary. When you’re starting it feels like you’re going to be saying no to so many prospects that your revenue will dry up.

Your butthole tightens up so hard that it could be played as a snare drum.

I get it. When you’re starting it’s hard to say no to anyone with money because you’re trying to make it all work with duct tape and string. It’s okay to start here. I started there and I haven’t talked to anyone that didn’t. If you want to raise your rates and move out of the barely holding it together financially mindset, you need to start working into a niche.

The thing about a niche, any niche, is that it lets you start to target your marketing. If you decide that you’re going to work with rural farmers, you don’t bother with all the possibilities that market to New York business people. When you’re “for everyone” it’s much harder to make that decision about where to target your marketing.

You’re much more likely to make an inch of progress in 1000 directions and thus gain little traction.

My friend Philip specializes in helping businesses…specialize. He has often said that he’d rather have you pick a niche at random then market to everyone. He’s had clients do this and start earning way more money. They also find out that the random industry has interesting problems to solve. Far from being bored, Philip’s clients dive deeper and enjoy the work with that random niche.

While I agree with Philip that any niche is better than no niche, with a bit of work we can do next, you don’t have to have a random niche. You can be more intentional so your niche builds a freelance business you enjoy.

How to Find a Niche

Let’s start by thinking about what you like to do. What problems do you enjoy solving for clients? Do you love to dive deep into bad code and figure out why it’s terrible and what it should do being so that you can extract a stable system out of it for your client?

Do you love building a basic beautiful and functional site for small businesses?

Are you in love with eCommerce and making more sales?

Each of these is a valid option for a niche, but they’re not an ending point. While you can gain more traction by focusing on eCommerce, you still have to compete against everyone that does eCommerce for any business. It’s even better if you can look to a specific industry.

Do you have a background in farming, or compete in horse jumping? I spent a decade guiding outdoor trips, then 5 years selling canoes and kayaks. This experience puts me in a perfect position to market my eCommerce skills to the outdoor industry and become the leading choice for anyone with an outdoor shop wanting to move into online sales.

Now, it’s time to ask yourself, what provides the most value to prospects out of the things you like. It’s likely that building a basic site for someone is of less value than building them an online store, or increasing their conversions. You need to choose something to work on that has decent interest for you and high value for potential clients.

The final money question to ask yourself as you pick a niche for your beginning freelance business is, who has money to pay for your services.

It’s easy to default to “Fortune 100” companies, but the truth is that along with the high fees you can charge these companies is huge headaches. You get to charge lots because of those headaches.

Instead, think about what scale the business needs to have to pay for your services. You don’t need hundreds of clients a year to build a six-figure business. Five clients with an average project of $20k is a six-figure business. The Fortune 1-million has plenty of money for you and a much larger pool with less headaches. Deal with a niche inside that Fortune 1-million.

Building Persona’s

With your nice defined, it’s time to dig into exactly who you’ll talk to in that niche. Again, you can’t assume you’re going to talk to everyone if you want solid traction. You must pick specific people to talk to and then tailor your marketing to them.

A persona is a named ‘person’ with some basic characteristics defined that you can speak to. As I write this I’m thinking of my “Bob” persona.

Bob has been running a freelance business for a few years. He has had some success, but is ready to start taking the whole thing seriously. He needs to get better processes together around marketing and his own focus time. He’s tired of working 12 hour days. That worked when he didn’t have kids, but he does have kids now and he wants to be a great dad. Phoning it in at dinner while being stressed about the next payment is not what he ever dreamed of.

He dreamed of being around to build cool stuff with his kids. He wanted to roll around on the floor with them and take them sledding in the winter on a random Monday.

That means that as I write this and I’m stuck I can ask myself “what would Bob need to know about this so that he can be more successful.” That question clears up any content blocks right away.

photo credit: clement127 cc

How Do You Build a Persona

If you have any experience in your niche at all, then you have some idea of the people that are around. Start there. My first personas were nothing more than a customer I’d met. I even used their name on the persona and then some bullet points about where they were in business and what the big problems they struggled with were.

Just like any niche is better than no niche, any persona is better than none.

If you’re trying to enter an entirely new market, then you need to start digging into it. Find the blogs, podcasts, forums, and Facebook Groups that serve the industry. As you do this, you’ll see a bunch of the same names pop up. Dig into them and start building your personas off these people.

Look at who they serve as customers and build your persona off your best guess for the customer they serve.

As you’re building persona’s aim for three. I have Brian, the person with a job that wants more freedom to be an awesome parent and is trying to start a freelance business. Bob, has started one and is needing to move it to a business instead of a shoestring and love endeavour. Finally Dave, has been doing 6-Figures consistently, but wants to do more either by building better systems or a team. Dave wants to be able to walk away for a few weeks and still have money coming in.

Each piece of content, each book, each podcast, each guest blog, is aimed at one of these three personas. Some content may be aimed at all three, say something on how to negotiate work and home time with their spouse.

Use Persona’s to Guide Your Content

Now, you’ve got some persona’s which means it’s time to use them in your business. While I don’t claim to be a daily blogger, it pretty much turns out that way. My aim is to have something for each persona in a week.

When I pick the content I’m writing I look at the three persona’s and shape the content to suit them. If I look at a week and only have stuff for that person that wants to run their own business, but isn’t doing it yet, then I look around for other content so that I can hit my other two persona’s. I don’t look at my site content every day. A monthly check in to make sure I’m hitting content relevant to each persona is enough.

Every single piece of content you put out should have these persona’s in mind. Every conference you speak at, should be shaped by these persona’s.

If you’re doing it all in a haphazard way, then you might hit the mark sometimes, maybe. More likely, you’ll scatter your marketing so far and wide that you never reach anyone effectively.

How to Get Your Name Out There

With your persona’s in place, it’s time to get your name out there because it’s possible that your niche has no idea you exist. In fact, it’s almost 100% guaranteed that most of your niche has no idea you exist.

Sure, some of the people in a market have considered you (and even rejected you). But most of the people in the market have never even heard of you. The market doesn’t have just one mind. Different people in the market are seeking different things. – The Dip

The first thing you’re going to have to get over is your fear of selling yourself. If you’re not selling yourself then no one is. There is no freelance god that blesses a beginning freelance business with goodness from the benevolent “awesomeness” of the universe so that it succeeds.

If your plan uses the word “hope” then you’re relying on this god, that doesn’t exist. Hope is not a strategy that’s going to get your beginning freelance business to the next level. It’s going to keep you going at the same barely hanging on level you’re currently at.

Now, let’s look at some of the specific methods you can use to get yourself out there. I’ve written about them in more detail in Finding and Marketing Your Niche, if you need to go deeper.

Blogging

The first place to start is your own site, and blogging on it. This is the place that you control in the easiest manner. If you build a Facebook Group and then Facebook decides that they hate groups and are killing them, your whole following is dead.

While search engines are getting better at reading content that’s not plain words, words are what they’re best at dealing with. Blogging, and being focused in your blogging, will help you get found by your ideal clients.

Start by writing one item a week. If that sounds crazy because writing is hard, you’ll get better. Maybe you need to set aside an hour a week to write and then publish something every other week. The more high quality content you put out there, the faster you’ll see traction from it.

The more you write the faster you get. I can write upwards of 5000 words in two hours, but I have written 5 books and at least 1500 blog posts. Probably more because I have at least 3 old sites that had lots on them which no longer exist. You can get here, it’s going to take a while, but you can get here. All you have to do is start, and then publish.

Once you’ve got a handle on getting content on your site, it’s time to think about guest posting. Strategic guest posting can yield awesome returns. I had one guest post earn me over $50k in a year because people kept reading it and feeling I was the expert they needed. The next year it earned around the same. While I didn’t get paid for the guest post, it was obviously worth the investment of time.

Another great avenue for your content is Medium. I’ve found that republishing my content on Medium, and getting it in a publication, has been a huge driver of traffic to my site. If you’re scared of guest posting and the extra time commitment it may take then start by republishing your content on Medium and trying to get it into a publication.

Podcasting

Podcasting is another great way to get your voice out there. It can be better than blogging because podcasting is a higher trust method of communication. Podcasting is higher trust because people can hear your voice and your mannerisms and they are more likely to trust you. The closer you can get to shaking someone’s hand the better.

In fact, podcasting is so good that I’ve see amazing returns from my podcasting endeavours. Especially when I get one someone else’s podcast. It’s so good that no other method of ‘guesting’ is even in the same league.

I have noticed over the last year that it is getting harder to get on podcasts as a guest. As a podcaster and blogger, I think this is because so many of the requests to get on my site or show are terrible. They’re some generic email I’ve seen a many times. They tell me why whatever the person wants to talk about is perfect for my audience.

It almost always shows that they haven’t even listened to my show or looked at my audience or what I like to talk about with my guests. It’s marketing people trying to get their clients on podcasts.

If you want to start getting on podcasts, then start by finding the most obscure and niche shows possible.

For creators, it is typically easier to reach the smaller, better-defined group. If you reach the smaller group and wow them, there will be many opportunities to spread outward and upward. – Perennial Seller

If you’ve got your niche defined, and some solid persona’s then you can find these podcasts. Listen to them and figure out who they love to talk to and what they love to talk about. Then armed with this information, send a personal pitch telling them why you think you might fit with their guests.

This is a much slower method than the pump and dump method where you fire off the same email to everyone, but you’re much more likely to hear yes.

Networking

As I said already, the closer you can get to shaking someone’s hand, the more trust you’re going to build. It’s far too easy to sit behind your computer screen, sending off emails, and think that you’re doing an awesome job marketing your business. The fastest way to getting clients will always be getting out and shaking hands.

Now, I’m not saying that you need to go out to every crap marketing event that’s out there. You should be picking any networking event in light of your niche and your persona’s. Only go to the ones that fit in with those two filters.

When you head out to a networking event, go in with a clear plan. If you can get your hands on the guest list, identify a few people that you want to talk to and do a bit of research on their business. Then, walk up to them and talk to them.

Introduce yourself and ask more questions about their business. They’ve been to a bunch of these events and they’re used to the terrible superficial questions, so go deeper and stand out.

These are not the only methods you can use to get your name out in your industry. They’re the ones I’ve seen my coaching clients do and have the most success with. In some cases, that’s been because the other even more effective methods like public speaking are so terrifying that you need a foundation of networking to even consider speaking in front of people.

How to Evaluate Your Marketing Channels

Now that you have some marketing channels going, it’s time to evaluate them. It’s no good to continue to spend time doing outreach when it’s not working. The only place you always keep going is with your own blog or podcast. This is your hub, and no matter how small the audience, it’s the place that you send everyone who interacts with you from your other marketing channels.

Establish Your Goal

The first thing you need to do is establish which channels are hitting your goals. Years ago when Stumbleupon was a thing I had clients asking how to get on it so they could get a bunch of traffic. At no point did I ever recommend wasting their time on Stumbleupon.

The thing with Stumbleupon was that it sent a bunch of traffic, that went away immediately. Sure the traffic numbers looked great, but no one made a purchase and few people converted to email subscribers. It was only a cost since it would use your server cycles and provide no benefit.

You need to think about which metric is the important one for you to measure. Do you want more traffic, or do you want more email subscribers? Are you targeting people to your video course? If you don’t know what metric is most important for your site, then you have no way to measure the success of the marketing channels you are using.

You’ll also need a way to identify users from the different channels. Say you’re on 4 podcasts. Two do little, one sends a bunch of users, but that fourth one sends you 10 solid leads who made a purchase. Which one is the most valuable one? Which one should you be looking at harder to see why it worked best and how to find that audience, or an audience like it again?

You can do this by providing a custom landing page for each audience or a coupon code to use with the purchase.

Which Channels are Hitting the Goals

Now that you have a way to figure out which channels are providing the best conversions on your important metrics, you need to look at the information. Not every day. Not every week. Don’t worry about it for at least six months.

You wait six months because it’s going to take you a while to get the ball rolling. If you’re on a podcast, it may not come out for 4 weeks so checking to see if it’s converting before it’s even out is a waste of your time.

When you look at your metrics you should be trying to figure out a few things. First, which mediums are converting the best? Is it podcasting, or blogging, or speaking, or…? Stick with the ones that convert the best and drop the others.

Second, which blogs or podcast convert best inside their medium. Try to identify their audiences so that you can find more people that might match up, but would listen to or read a different site. Then you can target that site and have some relevant “experience” inside the field to point to when you make a pitch to them.

There is more to marketing your business. This is a primer for those of you what are already freelancing, but need to turn it that beginning freelance business into something that supports you and the life you want to live.

There is a bunch more reading if you’re ready to dig in deep to the topic of marketing your business. If you’re ready for that, check out my reading list on Marketing Your Business.

photo credit: activars cc

Managing Client Relationships in Your Freelance Business

Once you get more than a few prospects on the go, you need a way to keep following up with them. While you may think you had a great discussion and that the prospect will remember you forever, they won’t. Most prospects end up going with the freelancer they most recently came across.

Sure, you’re sort of on the list, but for every month you let go by without reaching out to them you’re further down the list.

This section is going to walk you through what it takes to get on a client’s list and stay on it.

One of the big pitfalls with businesses looking at a CRM is that they start with the tool in mind. Almost every time, the tool doesn’t matter. I use a paper notebook now, but have used a number of digital CRM tools.

The issue you run into by starting with a tool is that you don’t have a process worked out yet. Instead of developing a process for yourself that works, you outsource that hard thinking to the tool and just do what it says assuming that it will work for you.

This may bring a little bit of benefit, but you’ll gain so much more benefit by testing a process first, then looking at the tools that will fit into your process.

How To Do Amazing Prospect Follow Up with Your Freelance Business?

Let’s start with the basic rule that you should be following up more than you think. If you don’t feel a bit uncomfortable with the frequency of the follow up, then you’re not following up enough. I’m not saying that instead of every 3 months you should follow up daily, but for most cases 3 months is way too long to wait. It’s so long that you won’t even be on the prospect’s list anymore.

When a prospect first reaches out to you, you’ll need to follow up with them more often. If a prospect emails me on a Wednesday and I reply I assume I’m emailing them again on Tuesday. In fact, if I’ve emailed a prospect in a week and they’re not on my long term follow up plan yet (we’ll talk about that in a minute) then I email them on Tuesday.

Yes, I might email you on Friday and then on Tuesday to check in. If I don’t hear back from a prospect, then I’ll follow up weekly for four or five weeks. I always send them one final email that goes something like this.

Hey $prospect, hope the day is going awesome. I wanted to touch base because I haven’t heard back from you recently. I’m going to assume that you’re no longer doing the project so I won’t bug you weekly anymore. If that changes, let me know. Have an awesome day! Curtis

Almost every time I send that email I get some response back. Sometimes the prospect opens the conversation back up, and I reset to the four or five week follow up scheme. Sometimes they agree that the project isn’t on the radar right now for some reason, and they give me a timeframe for when it will be on the radar again.

I write their name down for follow up in that window again.

Occasionally I hear nothing from them so I put them on my long term follow up plan.

There are a number of prospects or clients that will fall into the long term follow up schedule. The first one we’ll address is the prospect above. Assuming that nothing in the project seemed crazy, I’ll follow up with them every two months for a year. Even if I never hear back from them in the year, I still send them a check in email every two months for a year.

If I don’t hear back from them in any fashion, I drop them off my list of follow up. More often than not I do hear back in some fashion at some point. When I hear back from them I simply reset the two week counter. If they’ve indicated that they want to move forward with the project now, they go back on the weekly follow up for the four or five emails. Then they’d drop back into the long term follow up plan.

The second group of people that fall into the long term follow up strategy are awesome clients I’d love to work with again. They get an email every two months pretty much forever. Oh I’m sure that some awesome clients have dropped off my list for one reason or another, but I don’t intend for it to happen.

Over my 10-years in business, I’ve had a number of clients end up coming back for a big project because I emailed them. It’s been 5-years since we’ve had any interaction outside of my emails, and maybe the odd reply, but because I’ve been consistent they come right to me with work.

There is no one else even in the running for the work.

If you want a business that will run well and generate leads for you regularly, you need to stay on top of this follow up. I’ll say it again later, but the biggest issue I see when I talk to small business owners about their prospect and client follow up strategy, is that they don’t put aside time in their week to do it.

Make sure you put time aside.

What Should My Client Follow Up Look Like?

Now, what should your client follow up look like? First, you need to write your follow up in a way that suits you. I’m a bit looser than some, but it works for me. I use their possible issues with my terrible jokes in email as a way to filter out the prospects I don’t want to become clients.

A general email to a prospect I’m following up with on either the long term or weekly schedule would follow the format below.

Hey $prospect, hope the day is going awesome. (Maybe insert some banter here) I wanted to touch base to see what the status of the project is on your end. Are you ready to move forward with it? Is there something else that you’re planning on doing instead? Do you have any questions or issues around your site that I can help on? Have an awesome day! Curtis

That’s it, in fact the long term follow up email for great clients only has one addition to the format above, and you can see it. Since I’ve got to know them as clients over a while already I may insert some question about them and their family.

One client I have worked with off and on for 5 years is a triathlete. I always insert a question about his training. He’s also been interested in my outdoor adventures so I’ll tell him about what we’re doing and what I’m training for next. I did this for two years after our first project before he started the next one and then for three years before the last one I worked on with him.

The first project we worked on was $5k. The other two were in excess of $20k.

Yes the continual emails for five years has been worth it. I’m still emailing him every two months asking him how things are going.

Now take 30 minutes and work out your follow up process. Write down the email templates you’re going to use. If you need help with writing better emails to clients, I wrote a guide on how to do that called Effective Client Email. It covers more than just your client follow up emails though. It will give you the emails I’ve honed over 10-years to make sure that I’m weeding out the prospects I don’t want as clients.

What Should my CRM System Look Like?

You should have a prospect and client follow up process written down now, but how do you keep track of it? This section will introduce what I do for my analogue CRM system, and what you should be looking for in a digital tool.

What Does My Analogue CRM Look Like for a Freelance Business?

I’ve tried a bunch of digital tools and I keep coming back to an analogue system. If you keep track of my site, I’ll be writing a long piece about how I use an analogue productivity system for everything but client projects that require collaboration.

My analogue CRM is fairly close to a standard Bullet Journal system. When I have a prospect that needs to get a follow up, I stick their name on the monthly planning page that goes with the month.

If that means they fall out of the current month, I add their name to the future log with a date next to their name.

Beside the name I’ll put a number like 4/5 which means that this email I’m sending is the 4th email out of the five emails I send. That way I know which standard email to use when I send the communication.

For a prospect on long term follow up we drop the number of emails and a date goes there showing me when I stop emailing them. If they respond, then the date gets adjusted.

One thing to remember is that you need enough information beside that name so that you have the context required to find their email in your email application. When I used to outsource finding a prospect to a CRM, more often than not I’d have no idea who I was going to be emailing because I had barely glanced at them instead of needing to spend some brain power figuring out who this was and what we had talked about.

If it’s an awesome client on long term follow up, I just write the name down with the date so that I can find their information. Sometimes I’ve seen some extra information about them on social media which I’ll add beside their name so I can bring it up.

That’s it. It’s not fancy and it requires writing things over and over again, but I find that to be a benefit. It means that I become more familiar with the prospect as I have to expend a bit of mental energy. It also means that I only put the top prospects on the list to follow up with. I don’t bother with all the random low value people that send inquires my way until they jump the first bars in my client vetting process.

What Do I Look For in a Digital CRM for my Beginning Freelance Business?

If you’re not going with an analogue system then the place to start is your process. I’ve already said this, but you need to have a system down. You at least need to have an ‘ideal’ you’re aiming for with follow up. Then you need to look at the available tools and choose one that fits with your process.

If you don’t have a basic system ready, then stop looking and do the personal work first. Write down the problems you’re having and what you think the solutions may be.

Some good options for a digital CRM, all of which I’ve used at different times are:

• Contactually • Streak • Pipedrive

I know there are many others out there, but those are the three I’ve spend at least a few months with that I found valuable. I spent the most time with Contactually at first, but found the extra inbox to track too much overhead so I stopped checking it. Then I worked with Streak which was built directly into my email. For some reason I just never fully “got” their system and while it was checked and followed up lots I still felt like it was a bunch of extra work to stay inside Streak.

Hence my analogue system.

The Biggest Pitfalls in Using a CRM in Your Freelance Business

The biggest issue when using a CRM in your freelance business is using it. Most freelancers hear about the benefits of using a CRM and then get a software recommendation for one and go with it. They use it for a few weeks and then it drops of the radar.

They’re still paying a monthly fee, but not using the CRM they picked. It’s an expense, bringing no benefit.

You won’t use your CRM well, if you don’t have time set aside for it in your week. In a standard 40 hour week, have two hours set aside for following up with prospects. Stick to those two hours. Guard them with your life, because a good follow up system is one of the keys to building a freelance business that succeeds.

A second pitfall with CRM’s and not using them is that they’re often outside of your personal productivity system and your project management system. They fall into the category of “out of site out of mind”. You forget about them.

When you’re choosing a system you must choose something that will integrate into your current productivity workflow in a manner that ensures you will use it.

I’ve chosen to use my paper planner for this. As I described, I follow a mostly Bullet Journal system and move prospect names forward in the future log or on a monthly collection depending on when I want to follow up with them. This means that I always need enough information written down to identify a prospect so I have to understand them and know them.

When I used OmniFocus I would end up with links to emails as tasks and I would use that ease of finding the conversation as a crutch. It meant I rarely understood the client and was rarely invested in moving forward with them. They were simply a name that came up that needed a reply. I’d end up reading through a bunch of email again every time so that I had some context.

By moving to an entirely paper system I must understand the client better. I must decided if they’re worth following up with because it’s a pain to continue to move them forward in the system. I can’t simply bump a date forward, making a promise on my future time, I must evaluate their chances of becoming a paying client as I write down their information again.

This system has resulted in a much smaller list of people that I consider prospects and put time into following up with. My win rate on those prospects is much higher though so it’s a net positive.

You can go deeper on Managing Client Relationships with my resource page.

photo credit: clement127 cc

Project Management For A Beginning Freelance Business

The worst way to manage a project is via email. If there is more than a single task to get done, never manage a project in email. Email is almost always only a list of what others think is important for you to do in a week. It rarely matches up with what is actually important for your week.

The answer to “What is the ONE Thing I can do today that will make the rest of my business easier or irrelevant” is almost never contained in your inbox.

By moving your current projects out into a trusted system that’s not email, and that’s not your personal productivity system, you get to filter your incoming requests. You not longer see a client, who has a current agreement with you, and a prospect, who you have no obligation to, in the same interface.

Prospects have no sway on your time. They’re someone that might maybe have something you’re interested in doing if it’s perfect.

What Process Should You Use for Project Management?

You’ve taken the first step and your projects are no longer being managed in your inbox, but what system do you use?

Do you go old-school and stick with a waterfall method?

Do you get right “up with the times” and go for Scrum or Agile?

Does it matter which method you use?

I’m going to fall on the side of saying that it doesn’t matter so much what method you use. They all have benefits, and drawbacks. I use something close to Agile. I work in short sprints with clients on a fairly well defined set of tasks and we ship them.

Regardless of which methodology you adopt, there are a few thing that you need to get right if you want to ship winning projects.

Project Success Page

The first task that should go in your project management system with a client is for them. You should be giving them a link to your project success page with the instructions that they read it and then resolve the task. What…you don’t have a project success page? Well let’s talk about what that is.

First, the whole goal of the page is to communicate information to your client so that they can help you have a successful project. It’s not about berating them, it’s about giving them the information they need.

Many clients will have never seen a page like this. They’ll realize that they make projects harder, and the never knew it. It’s likely that whoever they worked with just made comments about it behind their back instead of addressing the issues like an adult.

In your project success page include any information the client will need to have a winning project. Inform them what a good task looks like. That a task which includes three different action items is one that will probably have something missed.

Tell them not to email you, and make sure you provide another link to whichever project management software you use.

Have them decide on the single point of contact, and any other people that need to be in the project management system. The fewer the better, and there always needs to be one person on their end that is responsible for making sure their team gets stuff done.

You can look at my Project Success Page if you need to see one in action. One I added this, and asked clients to read it, my problems in project management went way down.

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Get Something Up As Fast As Possible

Next, get something up for your client to see as fast as possible. When I’m building a WordPress theme, I’ll have as much of the homepage as possible done as fast as possible. Usually within a day or two.

One of the biggest fears that clients have is that you’re going to take their deposits and then flake out. It’s happened to them before. You’ve probably taken way longer than you thought on a project before, so that means you did it as well.

By getting something up quickly for them to see, you build trust. Then you can keep plugging away on the work at a slower pace, so long as you have progress to show regularly and you meet the dates that you’ve agreed upon.

How Often Do We Communicate?

Something that developers are especially good at is going into “mole mode”. They get involved in a project and just keep focused on it for weeks and end. They barely come up for air, and are getting lots of work done.

I get it, code is a Maker task and Maker’s need lots of time to do their work without interruption. But your client isn’t a Maker. They can’t look over your shoulder every few days to see what’s up.

They figure you’ve flaked out on them unless you keep them up to date. Keeping them up to date starts with a weekly phone call. Yes, you’re going to pick one day a week and use part of it to talk to your current clients and give them an update. I use Tuesday as my day.

But that’s not all you’re going to do. You’re going to update them as a comment in whichever PM system you use on Friday and Monday. On Friday, you’re going to give them a recap of how the week went and remind them what’s on the list for next week.

On Monday, you’re going to remind them again what’s on the list for the week and when they’ve booked their weekly check in. If you need to see a format for this communication then check out Effective Client Email. I provide the templates I use there.

This communication is on top of anything you do to update the project management system as you complete tasks. The Monday/Friday email and the call are the bare minimum you should be doing to communicate with your clients. It’s the least they expect, and it will be about 10000% more than they got from their last freelancer.

Avoiding Scope Creep In your Beginning Freelance Business

The final thing that kills a project is scope creep. That list of things that sound like they’re awesome and just get added to the list. Yes, some of them are good ideas, but the longer that list gets the less likely it is that you’ll launch the project.

When I setup a project I have four lists in Trello. They’re labelled:

This Week

Tasks

Future

Questions/Other

‘This Week’ is updated every Friday and has all the tasks that are going to be done in the next week long cycle. That means on Friday you need to look at your ‘Tasks’ list and decide what can reasonably get done in a week. Only those items go on the list.

This is not a list of the hopes and dreams you have for a week. It’s a list of wha you know you can get done. I’d rather see a smaller list that gets done than a big list that you finish 50% of. When your client see that 50% done list, they’re going to loose faith in you and the project.

The second list is all of the tasks that are in the project. I usually have them organized in the order I think they’ll need to be done in. On Friday, I survey the list and move ever any items that I plan on doing the next week.

Those two lists comprise the whole project that was estimated on. The other two lists should contain nothing that was originally agreed upon.

Next, the “Questions/Other” list. This is where your client puts any questions they have on the project or any other stuff that they enter. In general, clients shouldn’t be updating any of the other lists at all unless they’re responding to something I’ve asked them about or approving and resolving a task.

From the “Questions/Other” list I may move something into the “Tasks” if it is something that is included in the project, but needs to be spelled out better for the client. Most of the stuff that comes up here though ends up in the “Future” list.

The “Future” list is for everything that’s a great idea, but isn’t part of the current project. It’s where all the crazy ideas and nice-to-have things end up. They stay there until you’ve shipped the original project and then produced and estimated and been paid for the new items you’re going to work on.

Even if there is something that sounds like an amazing idea, it doesn’t go in to the current project if it can be helped at all. The more items you move from “Future” into the current project the less likely it is that your project will ever see the light of day.

Your job is to ship a successful project for your client which means you need to help reign them in so that the project is indeed successful. It’s your fault if they run wild with extra items and the project never launches.

photo credit: clement127 cc

What Good Project Management Tools Look Like

Now that we know what the highlights of running a good project are, we need to look at what you should be looking for in a project management tool. As much as I love and use analogue productivity, I don’t use an analogue system when it comes to managing my projects.

The biggest weakness of analogue systems is that they offer no way to collaborate with your clients. You need to share screenshots, videos, links, and comments all around the tasks that need to get done for the project. We know email is a terrible way to do this, and that an analogue system like a notebook doesn’t allow for any sharing.

So we turn to software.

Easy to Use

The first stopping point is that you and your clients need to find the system easy to use. For some, that may mean that basic Github tickets can work, for others Github is going to be way to complex.

Since you’re going to be in the PM system regularly, it’s important to find one with a nice spread of keyboard shortcuts. Sticking with the keyboard navigation will save you little bits of time all over. That adds up over the year and turns into a large time savings.

Make sure that there are some training videos for your system as well. You’ll need to provide links to them for your clients to use so that they can wrap their head around the system. If your client finds it hard to use the PM system, they won’t use it and you’ll be getting a whole bunch of emails you don’t want to see.

Has Some Templates

Another key in a good project management system is it’s ability to provide you with project templates. You’re likely going to do similar projects and a bunch of the tasks are going to be the same.

You want a system that doesn’t force you to type every little piece in every time. If you have to type in every task for every project, you’re going to forget stuff. Even if you have your own list in a separate application, you’ll forget to move something at some point and then since it’s not written down, it might as well never have happened.

Link to Tickets

One of the crucial parts of your personal productivity (which we’ll cover in a bit) is pulling the tasks out of the tickets and into your own system. You do this so that client updates don’t derail you.

Remember, we pulled out of email into a PM system to make sure that we didn’t get distracted a whole bunch by the emails that come in and don’t relate to the project. The notification inbox of your PM system can turn into the same thing, especially if you have multiple projects running.

You may have your time set aside for Project A, but Project B keeps pinging you and that draws you into answering things for Project B while Project A languishes.

This is why I think that links to tickets is crucial. Then you can take the link and put it in OmniFocus or 2Do or … whatever and work on the single ticket out of your personal system. Then, when you’re done you can click the ticket link and update the single item. Now, close the browser and get to the next task.

Organizing this way will let you get work done as you had planned. It will allow you to focus on the tasks at hand instead of getting derailed constantly.

Wait, I just referenced OmniFocus which is a digital tool and I said I don’t use them. I realize that I’m an outlier here and you’re most likely using Todoist or 2Do or…something. I’ll talk about the specifics of what I do shortly.

Doesn’t Always Interrupt You

One of the best features that BaseCamp introduced was the idea that you can ‘snooze’ your notifications. They allow you to set hours where you won’t get any notifications of any kind. Your boss can’t even change that setting for the company. This means that you can set the no distraction hours up for the whole day even, and never get interrupted.

Which ever system you use, you need to make sure that it can be silenced. Some of that will come from how you work with it. If you use the system I described above, then it’s going to be hard for anything to distract you because you’ve pulled the tasks out for the day and are focusing on them instead of whatever happens to come up.

That also assumes that you silence your phone and tablet and Amazon Echo notifications. All the space you’re building is a waste if you allow other notifications to jump into your life.

How to Integrate Your Project Management System and Personal Productivity

I’ve already provided you a workflow for updating your tasks if you’re using a digital task management system like 2Do or Todoist, but I don’t use either. My personal system is a notebook and mostly follows Bullet Journal.

So, how do I use that system to stay focused on the tasks at hand and then update Trello, which is my PM system of choice.

It Starts with Planning

For about a year before I went with an analogue system I did use the methods above with OmniFocus. I would pull out the ticket link and put in the detail required in OmniFocus so that I could work on a task.

The problem was, I didn’t always get the right information. Somewhere in the back of my head I relied on the link to the ticket for the information I needed. I kept finding that I hadn’t thought through what the task would take before I committed to doing it. That left me with bigger tasks than expected and a day that felt like it was always off the rails.

I still take a task out of Trello and put it in my notebook, but I have to write down a quick sketch of the task, and any conversation that happened around it so that I’m sure I know where it’s at. If there are screenshots that may go with it, I pull them out of Trello and drop them in a folder in my Downloads folder. I label that folder the same as the task I’m working on so that I know they go together. That title matches the Trello card.

Then, I get down to work and when I’m done and need to update the task I open the Trello macOS application and search for the card to update it.

This does take a bit of discipline because I have to ignore the little red bell that Trello shows me when there are updates, but I don’t find that to be a problem. The advantages that have come from pulling out the task, and making sure I understand it the night before I’m going to work on it far outweigh the small friction that results from not being able to click a link directly to the ticket.

For the most up to date reading on Managing Projects for a Freelance Business, see my reading list.

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Personal Productivity in Your Freelance Business

Another component to having an awesome freelance business is getting down to the nitty gritty of getting work done. You can have the best PM system, the best CRM workflow and the best marketing, but if you’re not shipping projects to clients your business will suck.

You won’t be getting any referrals because you’re late all the time.

This is where personal productivity comes in. You need to have a good system, and the discipline to use it so that you can get work done for clients on time and on budget.

The first question that most people ask is some variation of “Should I use Getting Thinks Done or…”. They’re worried about the specific system and tools that they should be using.

Tools almost don’t matter, what matters is you and the process. Does the process fit how you work? Are you going to do it? Most of the systems around provide you with everything you need, if you do the work.

Let’s start by looking at some key concepts in personal productivity so that you can start this journey from the right frame of mind.

I’ll be writing much more about personal productivity coming in February, like 50k words more.

Key Concepts in Personal Productivity for Freelancers

Before you can dive into your personal productivity system there are a few things you need to get straight first. I’ll be covering these key items in short here, as I’ll be covering them in great depth in February.

If you don’t have a handle on these things, then it doesn’t matter what system you use. It will always suck and you’ll never get good work done.

First, you need to embrace constraints. I’ve already talked about how using a paper based system has forced me to better understand the tasks I need to do. The constraint of paper has also stopped me from making a bunch of commitments for ‘future Curtis’ that I can’t meet right now.

Second, you need to be solving a problem if you’re going to change. Most times the issue with a productivity system is you. You change from Todoist to 2Do and feel relief because you have made a bunch of commitments in the form of lists in Todoist. When you change you feel free to abandon those commitments which you never should have made in the first place. The problem is you and the next task manager you use will feel the same way in a bit.

Third, nothing is going to solve every problem. There are things that I don’t love about my paper solution but it has so many benefits that I just deal with the things that it doesn’t do well. The freedom it gives me far outweighs any drawbacks. Give up on finding the perfect system.

Fourth, you have to be willing to make decisions. All those crappy lists you hate, just delete them. Stop pushing it off on the future. Admit you’re not going to do it and leave it there.

Fifth, you need to work based on priority. Ask yourself every day “What is the single thing I can do today that will make the rest of my job easier or irrelevant?”. Then do that thing and be okay with sucking at other things.

Sixth, plan to the now. Just because you started an internal project 6-months ago doesn’t mean it’s the thing to do now. Don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy. When you look at your goals every quarter, just do the ones that provide the most value now.

Seventh, write it down or it didn’t happen. If you’re not tracking your tasks then it didn’t happen. You won’t remember it and that can be a good thing because so often we write down crap that sits on our back and stops us from getting something awesome done.

Eight, manage based on energy. Not all of your day is equal. Sometimes you have the energy for hard tasks and sometimes you don’t. Make sure you schedule your ‘hard’ work in to the times that you have lots of energy. Brent Hammond and I had a great discussion about tasks and energy. I’ve also written more about managing your tasks based on energy in a bigger series on deep work.

Ninth, make sure that your environment is set up for focus. If you have a bunch of crap distracting you all the time then you won’t be doing awesome work. Set your phone and tablet up for the tasks they’re meant for. Set your laptop up for no distractions. Make sure your work environment is clean and clear.

Now, if you’ve got a handle on these things, you’re ready to start digging into personal productivity. If you don’t have those things dealt with, then no system is going to work for you.

You have too much crap in the way of getting good creative work done.

Which Personal Productivity System is Right for You?

While you may be looking for a specific tool recommendation, you won’t find that here. In February, I’ll walk you through what I do, but even that may not work for you. Most of the time, looking for a new tool is a waste of your time.

For most people, the problem with your current system isn’t the tools it’s you. You don’t do your weekly planning or your daily planning or review all your projects. You maybe make a task list for the day, but maybe not. You might default to email and what it thinks is important for you.

Then you wonder why you feel overwhelmed all the time, but you shouldn’t. You do it to yourself and the next tool you choose will have the same issues.

As you think about your personal productivity here are a few more rules to think about.

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As Few Pieces as Possible

A great system has as few pieces as possible to be productive. My system has a pocket notebook for on the go notes. A Bullet Journal from Leuchtturm1917 for my planning and task management day to day and finally Trello for my project collaboration.

There is nothing else that deals with any of the tasks I have day today.

I don’t have a CRM tool that’s stand alone anymore because it was an inbox I never checked and thus wasn’t getting any value out of. I moved my CRM into my notebook along side all the other tasks that I need to get done in a day.

One item I didn’t mention here is my other notebook, the one that only handles my notes on books. This is outside of my Bullet Journal because it’s got it’s own function. The only thing that goes there are notes on books and ideas for writing that are sparked by the reading I’m doing.

I like analogue systems because it entirely breaks me out of the possibility of anyone dictating what’s important in my day. Yes it makes more work because I have to take detailed notes on what needs to get done so that I don’t have to dive back into Trello or email, but planning is key to having a day that accomplishes something worthwhile.

Adapt it

Your system must also suit how you work. You can’t import my system and figure it’s going to rock your world. Maybe it will but not in a good way. Look at the ideas that come from other people and use what works for you. Throw out the rest.

I don’t use the Bullet Journal system by the letter. I don’t use GTD either, or Kanban or stuff from the 12 Week Year. I use a mash up of all those systems that works for me.

As you journey through building out your own personal productivity system, make sure you refer to the key principles in the last section. Make sure that you write down the problems you have and as you go looking at what others are doing, you import what looks like it might fix your problems and toss the rest.

Keep piloting change in your system. Your personal productivity system is not stagnant. Your work will change. You will change. Your system should change with you.

Review and Planning is Key

Out of all the systems out there, I think that the one common required piece is a review process. A good weekly review of everything you have on your plate is crucial to success. A plan for the week ahead and a daily review and replan in a key element in getting things done.

You can’t wing it and hope to have a bunch of great output. Winging it will mean that you continue to be stuck in the weeds trying to find your way out as you drown in your work.

You Must Create Space In Your Day to be Productive

If you want to get things done, you need space in your day. With a day that’s planned down to the minute with must do tasks, you’re never going to feel like you’re getting enough done.

One of those tasks will go longer and then all the other commitments you just made to yourself will stack up until you’re working late again and still not getting everything done.

The maximum percentage of your day that should have must do items is 60%. Anymore than that and you’re planning yourself into problems.

One of the key reasons that this happens to people is because they allow distractions to creep into their day. All your planning should surround the need to get focused amazing work done. With four hours of focus, you can get more done than most people can in eight hours.

You have to cut all the distractions to get that focus though and to do that you need to be familiar with the two modes of work.

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You’re a Maker and a Manager

You’re both a Maker and a Manager. Makers need large blocks of time to do focused work. That’s writing, design, thinking, coding, or anything creative.

If you’re running a business, you’re a Maker and you need to make sure you have time aside to focus on the tasks that are important.

But, you’re also a Manager. You probably have to have sales calls and meetings with clients. You need to answer and respond to email and maybe even jump on social media to update some profiles and such.

The problem comes because most people go Manager first and Maker second. This is a problem because Manager tasks easily overflow into Maker tasks. Email always takes longer than you think, and it always brings up random crap that others think is important.

Instead, go for Mullet Productivity, Maker in the morning and Manager in the afternoon. When you plan your day, make sure you have the details needed so you don’t have to dip into the manager spaces in your work. Give yourself at least three hours of focused time to do your Maker work.

Then be open to Manager work in the afternoons when your brain is tired and has less energy to dive deep into big thinking tasks. I do this and I plan in a 2 – 3 hour break in between my two modes of work so that I can recharge my brain and have the energy required to dive into more work later.

You can’t be on for eight hours thinking hard about your work. You progressively make worse decisions and you can’t afford that. Give yourself a planned break in the day and when you’re working only work. Ignore distractions and focus on the most important tasks at hand.

Plan Space

Outside of planning your tasks out for the day, there are other items that need to get in your week. First, you need unplanned time every day to deal with the extra stuff that gets tossed your way. Second, you need rest so that you can focus. Finally, you need at least three hours a week dedicated to self-improvement.

No day is ideal. In fact while you may have an idea day plan, it will almost never happen. Kids will get sick. A client will have a legitimate emergency that you need to deal with. Your computer will crash and you’ll have to figure out why. If you pack your day hour by hour with tasks, you have no flex to deal with these things. Make sure you have a working hour every day that has nothing officially planned for it. Leave it for overflow so you can deal with what life throws at you.

Second, you need rest every day so that you can focus. Your schedule may not suit three hour chunks of rest between working blocks like mine does, but it certainly can support a 20 minute walk. If it doesn’t, your business is broken. Admit it and start the hard work to restructure it so you can have that walk every day.

Finally, a solid business means you have three hours every week to improve yourself. If you’re a developer, that’s not just looking at new code, that’s learning to run an amazing business. Same goes for designers or writers. You must be reading and learning about marketing your business, planning better, how to write better proposals. If you don’t have time every week to do that, then you’re on a long slow death spiral. You won’t be getting ahead like dream without the hard work required to be better in the fields that aren’t directly your work.

If you can build in this space, and stick to the processes required to have awesome personal productivity, you can get the work done you need to without needing 12 hours a day.

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Are You Going to Build a Viable Freelance Business?

Now ask yourself, who are you?

Are you someone that just wants to focus on the craft of code?

Do you want to write, and hate marketing?

Who are you going to partner with to do the stuff you don’t like? Who is perfectly suited to filling in your gaps?

Back at the beginning of this, I said that you needed to figure out who you are. Are you willing to do the work needed to build a business? Are you going to admit you’re in sales and must address marketing in your week?

Are you only interested in writing code day in day out and want to deal with clients as little as possible?

One other option we didn’t go into if you just want to do your craft, is that you can find a partner. Someone that loves the sales and that you trust to take care of the things you don’t like.

If you’re not sure who you can tap on the shoulder, then start looking for them. Look with intention. Find someone that loves the parts you hate.

If even that step sounds like work you don’t want to do, get ready to fail. If you hate the marketing and selling of your business, then no one will be doing it for you.

If you struggle with client relationships and getting projects done on time, then you’ll have a dry well of referrals. Why would anyone refer work to you if you’re over budget and late all the time?

If you want to run a successful business, you’re in sales. You must get into the marketing tasks. You must plan time every week to get better at the tasks that aren’t directly a part of the work you sell.

You must have a plan each week to be focused on doing awesome work and you must stick to it. You must say no to the distractions that are around so that you can get awesome work done.

If you’re not going to do these things, go find a job and stick to what you love. There is no shame in that. It’s the right choice for some people. It might be the right choice for you, if you’re not willing to do the hard work it takes to run that business you dream of.

Have an awesome day!

Curtis

PS: If you’re looking to start filling in some of your holes, you should join my 8 Week Business BootCamp. It will help you set goals and build the processes you need to have a kick ass freelance business.

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