#i love rom getting EXCITED over BIOLOGY

[bornetoblood]

Amature Hysterectomy

[hellishjoel]

delicate - chapter one: someone new

3.4k / pairing: joel miller x f!reader

Series Masterlist | Next Chapter

summary: Sarah decides it’s time for her dad to start dating again. Joel isn’t sure he needs to, but decides if it’s for Sarah, he’s willing to give it a go. After a few failed attempts, he finally stumbles across someone new. 

A/N: This is the first chapter of a new fic co-written with @thetriumphantpanda - we’re both so excited for you all to finally read what we’ve been working on. You’ll be able to find the masterlist on both of our Tumblrs, and we’ll be taking turns in posting chapters, so if you want to keep up to date with posting, please make sure you’re following us both! 

warnings: Joel being terrible at dating apps, mentions of being a single parent, flirting, rom-com vibes, allusions to more mature themes but nothing explicit as of now, foul language, mentions of food & alcohol, Sarah & Tommy being menaces. 

“Dad, have you thought about settling down soon?”

Joel had nearly just sat down at the dining table, a warm bowl of chili stinging his hands as he set down a glass of water with a quiet huff. 

“Am settled down.” He grumbled, diving straight into the warm bowl with ferocity. 

Sarah sighed quietly and circled her fingertip over the rim of her water glass. 

“I mean,” she tries again, “settled down with someone.”

Sarah knows this is a weird topic to bring up over dinner. She can see it in the way her father stops chewing on his food, his water glass halfway to his lips now frozen midair.

Since she was a small girl, her father’s world revolved around her. She put the sun in the sky and the smiles on his face. He put her through years of soccer practice and clarinet lessons, drove her across the state for tournaments, and made her favorite dinner when it was her birthday. She was his little girl. 

Sarah knew she had a very loving father, always lucky in that regard, but that love felt a little lost when she started attending university. All she could think about was leaving her dad in an empty house with no one to cook for, no one to bug about cleaning their room. He didn’t have anyone besides Uncle Tommy. And Sarah was sure that was the last person he wanted to spend his free time with.  

Fresh from graduating with a bachelor’s degree in biology from Texas State University, Sarah opted to live at home for a year in the hopes of saving up money for med school. And perhaps she could complete the side quest of finding a potential date for her dad. 

Joel clears his throat and wipes his hand on a paper towel, smearing it a reddish-orange from the chili.

“Don’t need anyone else when I’ve got you, peanut.” He gave a lopsided smile and continued eating. 

Why would she ask something like that? Why was she thinking about finding someone for him? 

Joel thought of himself as an independent man. Never went looking for love, going on about his business, so why start now? 

Sarah looked unsure of what to say next, wanting to push the conversation and letting that uncertainty fill the air between them. 

Joel sighs, his spoon sputtering in the bowl and listening to it clang around the rim. 

“You don’t gotta worry about me, kid. I’m fine on my own.” He insisted, shrugging casually.

“Uncle Tommy and I were talking about you, more specifically about you dating-”

Joel buried his face in his hands, letting out a loud, exasperated sigh as he ran his hands down his face, calloused palms scraping against beard stubble. 

“Sarah, what did I tell you about talkin’ to Uncle Tommy? Take nothin’a substance from those conversations.” 

“Dad, please.” His little girl was frowning now, desperate puppy dog eyes searching his own. “How bad would it be if Uncle Tommy and I put you on a few dating apps, y’know? You could meet a nice woman, take her out for dinner, do whatever you want, but you can’t not try anymore.” 

Joel snuffed out a scoff, quickly dialing it down once he was receiving daggers. 

“Peanut, ya just… you get to a certain age where you give up on that type of stuff. Love n’all. M’an old dog, been outta the game for too long.” Joel returned to his dinner, thinking the conversation was done and over with. 

Sarah let out a heavy breath through her nostrils and crossed her arms. “Dad, we’re finding you someone,  or at least we’re going to try. You can’t just-just shrug off your feelings!” 

Sarah’s chair scraped backward, standing up suddenly and commandeering the room. 

“It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. What happened with Mom was a long time ago. You can’t shut off trying to find love. I saw you go on two dates when I was growing up. Two! You can’t say you’ve tried, you can’t say you don’t want it, everyone wants to find their special someone. And you,” she said with wide, frantic eyes. “You are not done trying. Not if I have anything to say about it.” 

Joel sat in silence as Sarah retrieved her bowl of chili and glass of water, fleeing up the stairs to her room. He sat back in his chair, shifting his jaw from side to side in thought. 

Guilt festered in his chest. Seeing Sarah so adamant about something like his love life was telling it was something she thought a fair amount about. She worried about his happiness, his life alone. 

Though he thought a life of solitude worked well for him, he couldn’t deny that small part of him that wished he had someone to share the little moments with. Sarah wouldn’t be living at home forever, and she would never be replaced in Joel’s heart, but maybe she was right that it was time for him to start trying again. 

“Okay, so I downloaded Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, eHarmony, and Farmer’s Only.” 

Sarah paraded around Joel’s smartphone, downloading different online dating apps left and right while he watched helplessly beside her on the couch. He could feel a headache spark in his temple already. 

“M’not a farmer.” 

Sarah simply shrugged and opened up the first app, Tinder. “True, but we’re trying to keep our options open.” 

Joel sighed and leaned back into the couch cushions, hearing the front door open without a knock. His brother, Tommy, paraded inside, a six-pack of beer in his hand and a jean jacket in the other. 

“The hell are you doin’ here?” Joel asked as he saddled his hands on his knees and pushed himself off the couch, eyes narrowed on his younger brother. 

“What? You think I would miss Sarah putting you up for auction?” 

“Hey,” Sarah said defensively, disliking that her Uncle Tommy was making fun of her genuine attempt to find Joel a woman. “Don’t make him feel bad. It took several hours of convincing just to get him to hand me his phone.” 

Tommy sneered and plopped down into Joel’s recliner, cracking open a beer despite it only being late afternoon. Hell, he might need one too. 

“Okay, Dad, focus. We need to fill out some of the Tinder prompts.” Sarah patted the section of the couch beside hers, Joel joining her after a few grumbles of resistance. 

“Prompts? What sorta prompts?” He asked, craning his neck to look at the phone screen she held up in her hands. 

“Prompts to get to know you better. You know, like, what are your likes and dislikes, what are you looking for in a relationship, where would you want to take someone for a first date,” Sarah continued the list until Tommy’s chuckle broke her concentration. 

“Ain’t Tinder for hookin’ up with chicks?” Tommy asked, making Joel’s head snap to Sarah. 

“Sarah, the hell are you doin’ to me?” 

“It’s not just for hookups, dad-”

“Yes, it is.” Tommy snicked, making Sarah glare at him. 

“C’mon, we’re trying everything to see what sticks.”

Joel felt rather hopeless about the whole ordeal. They added pictures, and Sarah crafted answers for his prompts. He didn’t really know what the hell he was doing with the whole left, right, swiping action. At one point, he expanded the age search by accident and didn’t realize it the next morning until he got a very forward message from a young woman. 

Hey, good looking ;) you look like a big man in more ways than one, if you catch what I mean… how about you come over to mine and show me a good time, I bet we can make it fit if we try hard enough. 

Joel storms into the kitchen, shoving his phone at Sarah’s face, “Take that damn app off,” He demands, “It ain’t for me.” 

“What did she say to you?” Sarah snorts, taking the phone from him, Joel watching as she holds her finger on the icon until it wobbles. 

“That ain’t for you to know,” Joel shakes his head, “Just delete the damn thing off my phone.” 

He watches as Sarah presses the cross in the corner of the icon, making a mental note of how he can delete the rest of them later when she’s not watching, she hands his phone back to him, taking a sip of orange juice, whilst he pockets the phone. 

Despite his first attempt at dating apps failing horribly, he was intrigued. A lot of the women out there were beautiful, some with children of their own from past relationships just like him. 

Joel was trying to watch the first Dallas Cowboys pre-season game with Sarah when his phone buzzed with a notification. It was just one of those that stated he had potential matches out there on Bumble. 

He chewed at the inside of his cheek, flicked his eyes up to the television screen, and clocked he wasn’t missing anything before he opened his phone. 

A few profiles later, he landed on a woman he found with a nice smile. He read through her profile, even letting out a quiet chuckle. 

Sarah’s eyebrows were drawn together with curiosity, watching her father smile goofily at his phone. 

“What’s goin’ on with you? You’re scaring me.” She teased as she pushed herself off the couch and leaned over his shoulder to see he was actually on one of the dating apps. A small sense of pride filled her. 

“I like ‘er. Got a nice smile, funny too.” Joel affirmed with a nod. He swiped like he was directed to, but then there was nothing. 

His face fell, smile and happiness swirling down the drain as he grew frustrated. 

“How the hell do I message ‘er?” He asked, neck craning as he held up his phone to Sarah, his silent way of asking for support. 

“You can’t message women first on Bumble. They have to like you back and message you first.” Sarah said with a shrug, snagging her dad’s beer from his hand and taking a quick swig. 

Joel was only scowling in disappointment and frustration. “Y’mean, I can’t even talk to ‘er? I can’t be a proper gentleman and make the first goddamn move?” 

He grunted in annoyance, swiped back his beer, and threw up the glass bottle to drain the last of its contents as he deleted the app. “Sick of these damn datin’ apps already. None of them are worth a damn.” 

Sarah sighed quietly and found her way back to the couch, nervousness settling inside of her. He wasn’t a very disagreeable person, in fact, her dad was neutral about a lot of things. What did he want to have for dinner tonight? Anything was fine. Which movie did he want to watch? He didn’t care, said she could pick. So why was he finding so many excuses with the apps? Not even the women, but the apps. 

Part of her thought about him trying to find a woman the old-school way, but he was maybe too out of the game to brush up a conversation with a random stranger. He might fail miserably, but maybe it would help with his confidence. He only had a few apps left, ticking off one by one. 

Joel stared at the ceiling, encapsulated by the slow-circling fan overhead. Darkness laid a dark veil over his bedroom, a sliver of moonlight being cast through the window. His head laid back into the pillows, jaw ticking from side to side as he lay wide awake. He lightly scratched his chest, feeling the dark hair that clustered at his sternum as his head rolled to the side and read the digital numbers on his clock. 

Another sigh left his parted lips. It was late, far too late for someone who worked the early mornings to be awake. At least tomorrow as Friday. 

His phone vibrated gently on his nightstand, a little chime he wasn’t accustomed to. He plucked his phone from the charger and squinted at its brightness, sitting up on his forearm to read the text. It was a message from a woman on Hinge. They had matched. 

Joel grunted and stared blankly at his lock screen until it went black with inactivity. No. Just go to sleep, Joel. Forget about it. He set his phone on the bed and laid on his side, digging his cheek into a pillow and forcing his eyes closed. Well, what was she doing awake at this hour? 

He opens his phone, clicking on the ‘H’ icon with its tiny red notification dot. He pays no mind to reading the message yet, instead clicking onto the mystery womans profile. The first picture is one of her wrapped up in a big coat, plaid scarf wrapped around her neck with a bobble hat and something warm clasped in her hands - it looks like she’s in a big city from what he can tell from the blurry background behind her, but he notices how happy she looks - big grin plastered on her face that reaches all the way to her eyes. 

Scrolling further down her profile, he finds the first prompt ‘Best Travel Story’ - her answer reading about a time she’d been hiking with her family. She likes the outdoors Joel thinks - something he and Sarah also enjoy, but he shakes his head before he thinks too much about a third person he can take hiking. There’s another photo then, clearly taken in the summer - she’s in a lovely dress, sitting at a table with a young boy on her lap, perhaps a nephew? He tries not to imagine that he’s stumbled across another single parent, what good luck that would be. 

Joel doesn’t make it much further down her profile - just to the section with all of her basic information. She’s around his age, shorter than him but not by much, she’s got a yes next to drinking, but a no to smoking and drugs, and she works in marketing. A steady job, he thinks. He’s praying, silently, that when he clicks back to her message, she’s sane. 

Good evening Joel! Sorry for such a late message, I’m a slight insomniac. I love your profile, you seem lovely! How are you doing this evening? (Or this morning depending on when you read this!) 

The corner of his mouth twitches into a small smile. A slight insomniac who thought he was quite lovely. Her words, not his. Maybe asking Sarah for help on his profile wasn’t such a bad idea. His fingers twitched above the keyboard, but he was unsure of what to say next. 

Joel sat up in bed, about to shove the covers off his lap and ask Sarah for help, when he took another look at his digital clock. It’s too late to wake her, he thinks. He’ll have to craft a response on his own. He dreads it, words never really being his strong suit. Would he look creepy if he replied this late back? 

Looks like we’re both slight insomniacs. Besides being unable to fall asleep, my evening was fine. How are you doing tonight, ma’am? 

Joel sighed and stared at his response, picking it apart and cursing under his breath. Now, he was wide awake. 

Ma’am? Way to make me feel 101… charming though, I like it ;) I’m doing okay, thank you. Just enjoying the only peace and quiet I get before I go to sleep. What’s keeping you up then, Joel? 

Joel’s face crumpled, pushing a hand through his hair after reading his response over and over again. He meant it in a gentlemanly way, not to make her feel old. He really screwed the pooch on that one. Nipping at his lower lip, he tried again. 

No offense intended ma’am, I’m just a Southern man is all.  Don’t mind about what’s keeping me up, I want to know about you. You don’t get much peace and quiet until midnight? How’s that?

None taken, just not used to someone being a gentleman on these things - normally at this point someone would be asking for a picture of my tits so you’re doing well so far. It’s usually my son that keeps me up, he’s been asleep a while but I only get so much time to clear up after him, so midnight is me time once that’s all done. You sure you don’t wanna tell me what’s keeping you awake? 

Joel’s smile only grew larger as she responded, and rather quickly, too. He imagined they looked quite similar right now. Different towns, different houses, both curled up in bed and staring at their phones, waiting for the other to reply. He wondered if she was smiling like he was, trying to push away an undeniable flutter in his stomach. Making him feel like a damn teenager. 

His face softened at her response. My son, she said. That boy on her profile, with chubby cheeks and a toothy smile, a head full of hair, and glee all over his face, was her son. She was a mother, just like he was a father. He wondered if she saw the young woman in his pictures and knew that was his daughter, Sarah. How could he subtly drop the hint? 

Those aren’t gentlemen, just boys. Sorry to hear they were wasting your time. I understand your limited personal time. When my daughter Sarah was young, my alone time consisted of sitting in the truck during her soccer practices and after she went to bed. It’s not easy. What’s keeping me up is partially Sarah’s fault. She’s the one who urged me onto Hinge. I don’t really know what I’m doing, to be honest. Just know a pretty flower when I see one. 

Is Sarah the young girl on your profile? She’s beautiful if so, you must be so proud of how she’s grown up. Well Joel, you don’t seem clueless, you’re keeping my attention pretty well, especially calling me pretty, I might be blushing. What made her decide now was the time for you to start dating? 

He’d never admit it if anyone asked. But it looked like he still had that Southern charm, you never really grow out of it. He reached over and plucked the string to his lamp, sitting up against his bedframe and sipping on a glass of water as he read over her reply again and again. He had a fondness for the way she complimented his baby girl. She got extra points for that. 

Yep, that’s my Sarah. She’s going to med school next year, couldn’t be prouder. I suppose she graduated from college and thinks she knows everything now. Thinks I need a love life. I think she’s felt this way for a while, but she knows I’m stubborn. What’s your son’s name? Looks like a good kid. 

Smart and beautiful, you must have very good genes Joel. That’s incredible though, I can imagine how proud you are of her. Well, I for one am pleased she’s pushed you here, you seem a really nice guy Joel. My son is Noah, he’s seven so full of beans, I’ve never known anyone have so much damn energy! 

And you seem like a real nice woman, ma’am. Sarah had so much energy at seven, that’s when I put her in soccer to run all that damn energy out of her. 

His fingers hesitated, typing out the message but not quite pressing send. He liked her. He liked how sweet and funny she was. Plus, she understood what it was like to have a kid, someone who would always be put first. 

Since it’s technically 12:57, are you doing anything tonight? Is having a drink okay for a slight insomniac? 

Well, thank you very much Joel. I have a feeling Noah and Sarah would have gotten along well if they were the same age, he’s just started soccer practice for that very reason. And, lucky for you, Noah has an evening with his grandparents tonight, so a drink sounds lovely. Just let me know a time and a place.

His heart was thumping in his chest, a tired little grin on his face as he offered to take her to The Aristocrat Lounge on the North side of Austin. They settled on seven, enough time for Joel to get home, shower, and convince Sarah to help clean him up a bit. A daunting feeling pressed into his chest, making his breath snag tight in his lungs. He was nervous, those strange butterflies still fussing around. He shoved them down, persistent on ignoring the feeling. 

It’s a date. Try to get some sleep, I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight, ma’am. 

[winterchimez]

Teach Me How To Love | Kim Sunwoo

summary: the campus heartthrob whom you've had a crush on for the longest time finally asks you out on a date. since you have never been on a date before, you decided to elicit the help of your best friend, Kim Sunwoo, for some romantic advice.

pairing: f!ckboy Sunwoo x g.n!reader

genre: suggestive

warnings: kissing, making out with the one and only Kim Sunwoo

word count: 2,251

a/n: this is... umm yeah. (i'm still learning and new to writing suggestive so pls bear with me lmao 😭)

update (04/09/2024): part 2 is out now!!

"He asked me out."

"Asked who now?"

"He asked me out, Yuna!!" You grabbed the shoulders of your best friend, shaking them vigorously.

That was when the sudden realisation hit your friend, and she formed an 'o' from her mouth, knowing whom exactly you were referring to. 

You have had the biggest crush on Lee Hyunjae since your freshman year. Of course, who wouldn't be? He is literally the heartthrob of your campus. Everyone, including yourself, would do anything to get the man's attention. Even a smile or the slightest moment he turns straight in your direction works either way. 

It wasn't in your third senior year that you got to pair up with the infamous man in one of your science classes. Biology. How fun. 

Your lecturer chose you both to be lab partners throughout the semester, and that was when you had a legitimate conversation with the man himself. Oh, how you were so nervous back then, rubbing your palms together almost every minute, ducking your head down because you were too shy to look straight into the man's eyes. 

However, his calming and friendly persona broke off that wall between you two almost immediately and little did you know, the both of you hit off as good friends. You both started hanging out casually, even after classes, seemingly bumping into one another in the hallway lockers. 

In other words, you were whipped for the man, and when he finally asked you out, you immediately accepted the offer. 

If you were like the rest, you would've felt happy, even excited, to be going on a date with your long-time crush. You, on the other hand, felt the opposite. You were panicking, nervous, and terrified of what was to come. 

Your friend, Yuna, clearly notices your demeanour and proceeds to interrogate you on what's the matter, and that is when you let out the most inner thoughts of yours that have been bugging you for the longest time. 

Clearly, you had zero to no skills on what to do when you're out on your first date. You've seen in hundreds of films and read many rom-com books how holding hands is the least you could do on the first date, to having a passionate kiss if both sides were up for it. 

You were stressed out and had to do something to calm your nervousness. That was when a lightbulb dings right in your friend's mind, and she knew precisely the solution to your problem. 

"I dare you to elicit some help from Sunwoo." 

You paused. Sunwoo? Kim Sunwoo? Your childhood best friend? 

You were confused at the beginning as to why she would even bring him up in the first place. But as you connect the dots, the sudden realisation hits you. 

Kim Sunwoo. You both have practically grown up together since kindergarten, and you are still neighbours to this day. He was the one friend who has always stood by your side from the start, no matter how messed up or crazy your situation might be. He was also the person you'd always rant to, and he'd be more than happy to comfort you if that meant for you to feel better. 

How close were the both of you? Well, close enough that you both have determined that every Friday of the week is a movie night in his apartment that he just recently signed the lease to at the start of the year. You'd both always get the cosiest blankets and drape them over you both while seemingly cuddling with one another to enjoy the films with Sunwoo's handy-dandy mini projector that he bought for a pretty reasonable price on Amazon.

Although there was one problem, your best friend is actually the f!ckboy of the campus.

It did not start out this way, though. Neither of you knew what snapped in Sunwoo's mind. Your only guess was that he was enjoying adulthood to the fullest and getting used to university life. After attending several frat parties, having a little too much to drink and eventually hooking up with so many different women, it was too late for the male to turn back. 

You never judged him for that. It was fine by you since he still considers you to be his best friend, and you both technically still hang out with one another once every week. 

So being the f!ckboy, he knew all of the necessary basics and tricks on how one should act around their partner, especially on the first date.

Right? 

So here you were, standing right outside Sunwoo's apartment door. 

You contemplated on even knocking on the door, for you knew it wasn't even a Friday; it was a Tuesday, to be exact. And god knows whoever he is making out with on the other side. 

Because as far as you know, he was pretty “active” throughout the week except for the day you get to hang out with him. 

You paused. You kept bringing your hand up to the door and then down. Your mind was literally at a tug-of-war at this point. 

To do it? Or not to do it. 

Eventually, you huffed and returned your hands to the door until it swung open and bumped you on your forehead. 

A woman dressed in a periwinkle lace spaghetti strap sleepwear with a grey jacket draped across her shoulders noticed your presence. She immediately got you up on your knees, constantly apologising and asking if you were alright. 

You knew that grey jacket. It belonged to Sunwoo. And it was the same exact one that you always got to wear whenever you came over because you liked how it always made you feel warm and comfortable. 

But you have to brush the thoughts off immediately. Sunwoo is a f!ckboy for goodness sake, and these things are practically an everyday thing to do for the guy. 

Just as you were about to reassure the woman that you were okay, a head popped out of the door, and it was the guy you just had in mind.

"Care to explain the sudden purpose of the visit, my friend?" Sunwoo asks while he makes a warm mug of hot cocoa in the kitchen. 

While you sat at the kitchen counter, you contemplated for a while before finally telling him how the campus heartthrob had finally asked you out on the first date.

And how you actually came to elicit his help and advice. 

It took a while for Sunwoo to process the message, and he burst out in laughter once he got it. In return, you started throwing daggers through your eyes right at him as you scowled at the man. 

"I'm sorry, but this is just too funny for me." He continued laughing while placing the ready-made hot cocoa onto the countertop. 

You pout. "And I thought you'd actually help a best friend out." 

"Okay, okay, I would do anything for my bestie. So tell me-". He slips right into the chair beside you while plopping one of his arms onto the countertop, resting his face on his palm as he stares deep into your eyes. “What do you exactly need my help with?” 

"I don't know. Teach me how to kiss, flirt, and all that jazz, I guess." You shrugged, hoping that he clearly gets the message that you're in dire need of some basic love lessons to please your date. 

The man moves a few inches closer to you now, close enough that you feel his breath. He was studying your face intensely as if some sort of dirt or dust was sitting somewhere at the top of your face. He then suddenly backs away immediately, giving you a hesitant look. 

"Are you sure, Y/N? That you want to do this?" Sunwoo asked with a serious tone, which was unusual for you since you were used to seeing the goofy side of him. But if he were to ask in such a manner, you knew that he wasn't joking around. 

"You do know that if you want me to teach you how to kiss, we literally have to kiss one another, right?"

Oh. 

You were new to all of this. Hell, you have never kissed anyone in your entire lifetime. And now, you were about to give your first not to your lover but to your best friend. It all comes down to whether you are willing to do it. 

Kissing Sunwoo also meant he would give you an actual physical demonstration of the different ways to kiss or even make out with one another, which may include some physical touches on certain parts of one another's body. 

"Yes, Sunwoo. You have my consent." You replied nonchalantly, anticipating whatever move he would put up with you. 

But the man was still frozen in his seat, not moving an inch. "I don't know, Y/N. Are you sure this won't, you know, get weird between us? I care a lot about you, and I do not want something like this to ruin the relationship we've built over the years." 

You could see where the man was coming from because this was the main reason you were contemplating even stepping into his apartment for this crazy love lesson situation. 

However, it was now or never. And if this was all for your first date with your long-term crush, you're down for it. 

"Yes. One hundred percent." 

Like that, Sunwoo's facial expressions shifted as he licked his plumped lips. He then snakes one of his free arms around your waist as he inches closer. 

"Tell me when you want to stop." 

Before you knew it, he closed the space between you, and both lips were now against one another.

Holy shit. You are literally kissing your best friend now. 

Your eyes fluttered shut as you moved one arm around his neck while the other moved up into his hair. 

God, his hair felt so soft. 

Sunwoo chuckled between the kisses. "Look at you go, Y/N." 

He pulled away briefly, only to whisper in your ear. "I had no idea you tasted this good, baby." 

Leaning back in, he began kissing you passionately, and eventually, it became a hot mess. His lips began searching other areas to nibble on, starting from your earlobe and then down to your neck, where he began to suck. In return, you elicit a soft moan which sounded way too sweet to his ears. 

You were floating, and damn, did it feel so good. 

Sunwoo seemingly slipped one of his hands under your shirt, earning a gasp from you.

"Sunwoo-" You gasped, trying to catch your breath. "Aren't you—supposed to go step-by-step?" 

Sunwoo smirked against your jaw as he gently brushed his lips against your soft milky skin. "Baby, sometimes things just go with the flow." 

While he rests his face on the crook of your neck, his hands are now down to your thighs, rubbing them gently. "Wrap your legs around my waist, and jump." 

You were stunned. "J-jump? What are you even-"

"Trust me, Y/N. I'll catch you if that's what you're worried about." 

"You won't drop me, right?"

He chuckled. "Only a fool would drop a person like you." 

With your legs wrapped around him, he carries you towards his bedroom, slowly laying you on his bed. 

This is dangerous. And this is all so wrong. 

You only came to ask for advice on how to kiss your crush, not to have a steamy make-out with your teacher in question, Kim Sunwoo. 

But why did all of these feel so good? Why couldn't you say stop? In fact, you wanted more. You wished that all of these would not stop and that you'd be down to continue with the man himself. 

So many thoughts were going through your mind as you reminded yourself of the true purpose of your visit, your campus heartthrob. But you knew you are so screwed at this point, and there’s no turning back anymore. 

Both of you deepen the kiss, and Sunwoo’s tongue slips right into yours, exploring your mouth. In return, your soft whimpers eventually turned into pleasurable moans to the man himself. 

God, Sunwoo. Give me more. Give me-

And then it all came to a halt. Sunwoo backed away, leaving you both to catch your breath as he stood up from his bed. 

“I think. We are done for the day.” 

Just as you were about to ask him why he even stopped in the first place, you were cut off by the man's quick response, also seemingly turning his flushed face towards the side. 

“I’ve taught you more than enough to please your date.” Clearing his throat, he helps you to get back up on your feet. 

“Oh- um… yeah. You know, thanks Sunwoo. For everything.” 

As he escorts you towards the front door, that familiar soft bubbly smile that you were accustomed to is plastered on his face. “All the best with Hyunjae. I look forward to our next movie night, Y/N.” 

“Ye-yeah!! I’ll keep you updated. Good night, Sunwoo.” 

As you turned your heel and headed toward your apartment, Sunwoo immediately slammed the door shut once you were out of sight.

His back now rests against the door, and he tries to calm his fast-beating heart down.

It was then he realised that kissing you felt entirely different from all the other women he had ever made out with.

masterlist

taglist: @deoboyznet @kflixnet @flwoie @hokupi @zzoguri @kyusqult @tinkerbell460 @cheonsafics (join my permanent taglist here!)

[1d1195]

My Friend's Toyota II

Read Part I here: My Friend's Toyota

~7.9k words

Warnings: a bit more angsty this time around.

She nodded feeling a little worried about the conversation she was waffling on thinking about it more. The kind of girls that flirted with Harry didn’t look like her. They were loud and boisterous. Fun and exciting. They probably didn’t get enjoyment out of perfectly stacking the dishwasher or the smell of laundry on Sundays while watching TV.

Told me that she’s never been in love before / Darling, I can treat you right, take you to the shore / Every time you cross my mind, I just want you more / Sitting in the grass looking at the tower / Thinking ‘bout her eyes every single hour / She’s my wildflower

She brought water and pain pills into Allie’s room and plopped on the bed beside her. “Good morning, sunshine!” She chirped.

“I hate you,” she hissed from beneath the blanket.

Giggling, she laid beside her hungover form and smiled at the ceiling. It felt like her organs were made of liquid. They were all warm. Like her heart had sent too much blood to each of them. Her face felt warm. He wasn’t even around and just the mere thought of Harry had her feeling downright giggly. It had never felt like this before about a guy. Not when she pined over the guy in her high school biology class. In her sixteen-year-old rom-com ridden mind, that guy was the love of her life. They were going to live happily ever after. One day he was going to notice her, not just as his lab partner but as someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. It was foolish to think. Not the guy she dated briefly when she was seventeen. But she tried not to think about him too much.

Sixteen and seventeen was so young. Twenty-one was still young but she felt more confident about Harry making the giddy feeling flood over her as she laid beside a headache-ridden Allie.

“Did you sleep in Niall’s bed?” Allie asked.

Her cheeks flushed hotly. She shook her head, glad that Allie was hiding beneath the covers. “No, of course not.”

“I don’t think anyone would blame you. That wouldn’t even be the worst place Harry’s taken a girl to bed,” Allie murmured. Allie’s hungover, she reminded herself. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Speaking before she had time to process what she was saying. Worrying about something she had no control over.

She didn’t want to think too much about the rumors that swirled around Harry. After last night, if anyone saw her go into a bedroom with Harry, she was certain the rumors wouldn’t just be about him anymore. “I think I have to ask him about the rumors,” she whispered.

“Yeah? That’s good, honestly. It’ll probably make you feel better. You’re already on his side,” Allie was gentle. Even though her head was screaming, and she probably still didn’t trust Harry the way she did implicitly. But his previous relationships, they were none of her business. As long as he was kind to her, she had no reason to believe he would break her heart.

She nodded feeling a little worried about the conversation she was waffling on thinking about it more. The kind of girls that flirted with Harry didn’t look like her. They were loud and boisterous. Fun and exciting. They probably didn’t get enjoyment out of perfectly stacking the dishwasher or the smell of laundry on Sundays while watching TV.

“What’s on the docket for today?” Allie asked sitting up and taking the medicine and water from her.

“Nothing,” she shrugged. “I was going to work on my online class, do some chores.”

“Well, I need hangover food, so put it off. We’re going to breakfast,” she said getting out of bed and pulling her hair into a twist and out of her face. She giggled in response.

“You don’t have to tell me twice.”

*

She was right about the rumors. As Allie devoured her bacon-y potato cure, she could hear the next booth over talking in low whispers about how Harry brought another girl into Niall’s bedroom. “They were in there for two hours.”

“Lucky girl.”

“Lucky Harry,” a guy muttered to them. “Did you see her? She’s hot.” She was glad the booth wall that separated them was high enough to keep her hidden. Allie seemed to be too focused on her breakfast to notice the others chatting about her one table over.

“That’s a new record for him. He hooked up with like five girls over the summer.”

That was the kind of rumor that made her stomach churn. “She’s nerdy and so not Harry’s type. I have a class with her, and she sits in the front. I give it two weeks now.”

“So why does he keep hanging out with her?”

She pushed her plate of French toast aside and tried to tune them out. She looked at Allie, head resting on the table beside her plate of food. “It’s so good,” she moaned.

Laughing, she shook her head. “No one forced you to drink that much,” she reminded her.

Allie smiled. “No one needs to.”

*

She knew she was being quiet. “Y’okay, love?” Harry asked as they walked to math class. She nodded, still silent. Harry didn’t press her, which she was grateful for; it seemed hard to believe he was planning this long extravagant plan to impress her long enough to sleep with her or something. The rumors continued to swarm from the weekend. She wondered if Harry heard them or if people were smart enough to not to talk about him in front of him.

But all the rumors were about how she wasn’t good enough. How Harry was wasting his time. It felt true. She probably wasn’t like the other girls Harry dated. The October breeze chilled her cheeks and she nuzzled into the collar of her jacket briefly to avoid the breeze. “Do you have plans tonight?” Harry asked.

Nothing besides studying and homework. But she didn’t want to sound unbelievably lame. “No,” she cleared her throat.

“Would y’want t’hang out?” He asked.

“Hang out?” She repeated.

He smiled. “Yeah... we can order pizza and study. Or watch a movie. Jus’ hang out,” he repeated. Her heart fluttered at how sweet it sounded. How innocent. She really needed to tell him about her worries.

Be careful with your heart. Allie’s voice was loud in her head. She loved her best friend, but kind of wanted to shove her for getting into her head like that. She was blissfully unaware of Harry’s reputation until Allie brought it up. Now it was tainting her walk. Ruining the nice late-night chat she had with him in Niall’s bedroom. If she ever ran into Niall, she would have to remember to thank him. 

“Mitch works on Tuesdays and then stays at his girlfriend’s place so...I know y’don’t have class tomorrow. Y’could stay if y’want t’stay the night.”

Her heart felt uneasy, and she didn’t know how to answer without sounding like an idiot. “Um...”

“You don’t have to,” he said quickly. “Jus’ thought I’d offer. I’ll take y’home any time y’want,” he promised.

Biting her lip, they entered the Sawyer building, and she paused right by the door ignoring the passing groups of students hurrying to and from their next class.

They stood near the ancient radiator for a building that was built in the late 1800s. It was painted over in white, about two inches thick of the chipping color. She wondered how it hadn’t melted off when the air was so chilly. While she warmed herself, Harry said hello to a friend of his and she got the gist that he was asking about the soccer game later in the week.

For whatever reason, in her mind, now was the perfect time to ogle Harry. His black jeans (they were her favorite of his) hugged the muscles of his legs like they were nearly painted on. She never cared about a guy’s legs before until she met Harry. His hair was coiffed to perfection in those lovely chocolate curls that made her want to run her hand through them herself. His jacket was lighter than hers; of course it was. It was probably a normal temperature to him and not frigid the way she thought it was. He looked so cozy she wanted to hug him. Other than gentle touches to the arm or hand, they hadn’t touched one another all that much. The ache she felt in her muscles to reach out and hug him was so strong she had to silently berate herself that she would look like a lunatic hugging in the middle of the building between college classes.

Eventually, she pulled herself from her thoughts. She found Harry smiling at her so sweetly while she thought about everything rapid fire while waiting for an answer. His friend was gone and she wondered how long she had been caught staring and nearly drooling over him while she warmed by the antiquated heating system.

“I would love to hang out, I’m not sure about staying over,” she admitted. “I have work in the morning.”

“S’fine,” he answered eagerly. “I’ll take any time I can have with you, love,” he looked at his feet and then up again, shyly through his eyelashes. Standing by the radiator was suddenly too hot. All he had to do was look at her. She would never need a heating system again.

*

“Do I look okay?” She asked Allie. She wasn’t trying to overdo it. She wanted to be prepared without looking insane. If she stayed over, she would have the T-shirt she needed for working at the local Starbucks. She could wear the jeans she had on currently, and no one would be the wiser. Her little bag of toiletries was shoved into the middle pocket of her backpack. The last step was to have Allie double check her outfit, hair, and makeup. That she wasn’t overdoing it for a Tuesday evening.

Allie paused from her painting wiping the back of her hand across her forehead to get the hair out of her vision. In doing so, she swiped teal paint across her skin. But it only made her look like the project herself. Her major was art, of course—she wanted to teach because it was one of the most passionate classes she took growing up.

Her teachers inspired her, and she wanted to do the same. Honestly, she already looked the part. Her outfits always consisted of bohemian skirts and the like. Her hair was a little frazzled but in an organized messy way. Allie added décor around the apartment that sparked a little flare to the selection of items she had purchased when they moved in. Her eye for color was impeccable and while she would probably have the same six prints hung on the wall, Allie was able to add something that didn’t quite fit their modern-twenty-something-year-old theme but nonetheless went perfectly. She was like a ballerina, utterly graceful. Like she floated from room to room and exuded beauty like it was her job.

Now, Allie looked her up and down. A black, long-sleeved T-shirt with the college name along the sleeve that she would wear to bed if she had to. She crammed a pair of leggings and socks alongside her bag of toiletries just in case as well. She wore a pair of Converse just in case she stayed the night and had to go to work right from Harry’s. “You look really pretty,” Allie promised with a smile. “Effortless beauty.”

She sighed with relief. “You’re sure. My hair isn’t too much?” She straightened it after a late afternoon shower. It would be easier to deal with if she did end up staying the night and didn’t shower.

“It’s very practical of you,” she assured her. “You’re not trying too hard, sweetie. I swear.”

“Okay,” she sighed again. “Is it weird I’m nervous?” She asked.

“Not at all. You really like him,” Allie reminded her. As if she could forget. “It’ll be fine though. You have nothing to worry about.”

Even though Allie was definitely her best friend, they hadn’t known each other long; there was still a long list of things she hadn’t told her yet. “I’ve...never spent the night with a guy,” she admitted.

Allie blinked. “Oh,” tilting her head curiously at her lovely friend. It seemed a little...not weird, but genuinely surprising. The girl was sweet as could be. They hadn’t delved too deeply into romantic histories, but it sounded like she had gone on enough dates back South to have stayed at a guy’s place before. “Well...it’s okay,” her tone was comforting.

Her face turned pink, and she looked at Allie as if she had all the answers. “What if I do it wrong?”

Allie smirked sadly. “Sweetie, you can’t do it wrong. Not if Harry likes you as much as he says he does. The way I saw how much he liked you. You were right,” she nodded her head firmly. “It’s different with you, trust me,” she wrapped her arm around her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. She smiled brightly as she ushered her out the door before she could talk herself out of doing something she knew she wanted to do. “And if he does try something shady, you just text me and I will come cut his dick off.”

*

Harry said five and she knew it was a fifteen-minute walk to his dorm from her apartment. It seemed like everything was a fifteen-minute walk. She passed dozens of people hurrying to their late-night classes or to the nearest dining hall (it was breakfast for dinner night which was always a school favorite). The air was so brisk for her southern skin. She wished she wore a scarf. But she wasn’t too far away, and she was sure she could convince Harry to turn up the heat for a bit if needed.

The sun was lower in the sky. The blue wasn’t quite visible anymore. The clouds turned the light around the sun varying degrees of white, pink, purple, and orange. It was stunning and she took a picture on her phone for Allie in case she needed something to paint. She had already painted another photo she had taken earlier in the summer when they first met and told her anytime that she took a nice picture she would gladly paint it.

Harry told her to text her when she arrived, and he would run down to let her in. But due to students not caring about the safety protocols of the building, she made her way in easily when someone held the door behind them while exiting. Once inside she was grateful for the warmth and took a few moments to enjoy the heat and calm the nerves bubbling in her veins. Once she gained feeling back in her fingertips, she called Harry. “Hey love, are y’here? I’ll head down,” he said and she could hear the shuffle of items.

“M'actually in the lobby. If you want to tell me which floor, you’re on, I can make my way myself.”

“Oh, love. M’sorry. I hope y’didn’t wait long,” she could hear the frown in his voice. “Fourth floor. M’standing outside the elevator waiting.” she headed up to the fourth floor of the building via the elevator. She pressed the button and waited for it to descend.

“Not at all. Got right in behind someone exiting,” she promised.

“Oh good. Okay, see you in a minute.”

Taking a deep breath, she was grateful she was alone on the elevator. It was just hanging out. It wasn’t a date. There was no reason to be nervous. Harry was extremely nice to her. When the elevator door opened, her heart stopped seeing him waiting for her. “Wow, y’look beautiful,” he said in greeting looking her up and down but in a way that didn’t feel excessive. Her cheeks felt red at his assessment.

“Thank you,” she smiled. “Thanks for having me.”

“M’pleasure, love,” he tilted his head for her to follow him down the hall to his room. She could hear music coming from the other rooms and even below her. “S’not as loud inside,” he promised.

She smiled. “It’s fine.”

He tapped the number on the keypad and opened the door for her to enter before him. “S’a pretty standard suite,” he shrugged. “Mitch’s room is over there,” he pointed to the door on the right side of the room. “Help yourself to anything in the fridge or cabinets.”

“You have a balcony?” She asked, dropping her bag on the sofa in the sitting area and rushing to the slider to look at it. He smiled at her excitement. She could feel it on her back as she looked through the glass. Harry didn’t go out there much because it was pretty closed off. Each balcony was enclosed with concrete walls on each side and a sloping wooden awning over top that extended past the rail. It almost looked like a prison cell with bars extending from awning to railing from end to end. Worry that drunk college students would fall being the reason. ���Can I go out there?” She asked.

He chuckled. “Course,” he reached in front of her, unlocking the handle and pulling it open.

She stepped on the little area and peered between the bars to look at the cotton candy sky. “You get to see the sunset like this every day?” She asked.

He smirked. “Yeah,” he shrugged. “When m’home, I suppose. M’usually working or out and about around sunset.”

“I would live out here,” she told him.

“S’a little cold for you, I think.”

She wrinkled her nose at him so cutely in mock distaste, the expression on Harry’s face changed minutely and he smiled a little more. “That’s what blankets are for. It’s so nice,” but an involuntary shiver ran down her body completely shaking her theory.

Harry tilted his head back toward the inside. “Let’s get y’back inside before y’freeze t’death.”

“If I was going to freeze to death, it would have been on the way here,” she told him. “I should have gloves,” she rubbed her hands together quickly in response. He was right, unfortunately. The chill on the balcony ruined the warmth she got back when she entered the lobby of his building.

“Let me get y’some tea. The pizza should be here soon, too,” he promised. “I thought y’might want t’study a bit before we watch a movie,” he admitted. “If y’don’t, we can start right on the movie.”

She shook her head. “No,” she was quite relieved. There were a few homework problems she needed to finish and dreaded the idea of staying up late tomorrow night after a long day at work but of course would gladly suffer such a thing if it meant an evening with Harry. “That would be great actually.”

“Great,” he smiled. “Make yourself at home. I’ll get the tea,” he turned to the little kitchen area.

*

After homework, pizza, and a movie, it was nearing ten. They sifted through their regular course of conversation throughout homework and pizza time but remained pretty silent during the movie. The tension she felt between them was thick. She wanted to snuggle up to him but instead wrapped herself snug under the blanket he gave her. The idea of walking back in the cold fifteen minutes away seemed like a terrible idea. Even if Harry went with her.

Her thoughts rolled over about a hundred times weighing her options. She wondered if she should excuse herself to the bathroom to get a pep talk from Allie but stopped herself when Harry’s laugh quietly jolted her from her thoughts. Harry had one socked foot on the coffee table, the other on the floor, one arm draped along the back of the sofa behind her, but not in a romantic sort of way. His other hand propped his head up. His foot on the table bounced back and forth lightly in an easy rhythm. He looked so at ease. Not worried about embarrassing himself in anyway.

Must have been nice. When the movie ended about twenty minutes later, she glanced at her watch as discreetly as she could. “D’you want me to walk you back?” he asked.

She shook her head. “Um... it’s pretty late... and cold. I wouldn’t want to put you out—”

“S’no trouble at all,” he promised.

Her face warmed feeling like now he wanted her to leave. “Well, if you’re sure you don’t mind. I hate to think you’d have to walk back in the cold. I did bring a change of clothes but if you need me to—”

“Oh, oh,” Harry shook his head. Dropping his foot from the coffee table to the floor and turning to her completely. His eyes looked a little wild and she was surprised he looked so at ease moments ago. “Of course. I want you t’stay, love,” he promised. “You must pack light,” he shook his head. “M’so sorry it sounded like I wanted you t’leave. I do not want that. I jus’ assumed y’didn’t bring anything t’make y’comfortable staying over,” his cheeks turned the lightest shade of pink. She could see it in the low light of the lamp he and Mitch brought instead of the fluorescent overhead light. She sighed a bit with relief. “I don’t want you t’leave at all,” he promised.

The air in her lungs felt lighter then. “Oh. Okay.”

“Really,” he inched just a hair closer to her. If she wasn’t so focused on him, she might not have noticed the minute shift in his body language moving toward her. “M’really happy you’re here,” he whispered, and she knew the moment he looked in her eyes he was going to kiss her.

He was moving closer, she wasn’t helping. Her heart was beating so hard, she was surprised he couldn’t hear it. Surprised it wasn’t louder than the thrum of the music playing from the suite below him. He kept looking at her lips. The way they parted slightly. She breathed through her nose as she waited for him to get closer.

“I’ve never slept in a guy’s bed,” she blurted. Blinking, Harry stopped his motion half an inch from her lips. She could feel his warm breath across her face. He pulled back, creating a bit of space between them. He waited patiently for follow up. Gazing at her a little bit nervously. She closed her eyes and bit her lip. She turned her face away from him. “I’m sorry. That totally ruined the moment.”

“No,” he put a hand carefully on her blanket covered knee. “Not at all, love. M’jus’ trying t’give y’some time,” he promised. “M’jus’ waiting.”

She scrunched her eyes shut tighter seeing her blood rush in imaginary shapes behind her closed lids. She still faced away from him. She wanted to blurt it out. But was so scared he would reject her. Then she would have to walk home alone in the cold and dark. “I’m sorry.”

“For what, love?” She imagined the cute little pinch of skin between his eyebrows. Like he got when he concentrated while studying.

She took a deep breath and released an exasperated sigh. Her face felt hot still and maybe a walk in the cold would help her forget this. When she started to speak, her voice shook ever so slightly, and she prayed Harry didn’t notice. “For ruining—”

He did, and it broke his heart before she could finish the sentence. “Love, will you please look at me?” He interrupted. Harry didn’t rush her. It was so slow. A whole hour could have passed in that minute it took her to turn back to him, her hair falling in front of her face still hiding her expression from him. “You didn’t ruin anything,” he promised. “M’honestly... glad y’told me; means you’re comfortable.”

She didn’t have the heart to tell him this was the least comfortable she had ever felt in his presence, but she knew what he meant. “I really want to kiss you,” she whispered.

He smiled sadly. That must be a good sign for him, she thought. Despite the pause. But Harry must have also sensed there was more. “...but?”

She was quiet, bit her lip, and covered her eyes with her hand. “I’ve never been in love before,” she told him, the shake of her voice unmistakable. That must have really surprised him because he was silent. She didn’t dare look. There was still more. “And I’ve never—”

“Love, stop,” he said quickly. She was wrong. He wanted her to leave. This was so embarrassing. There were tears stinging the back of her eyes, but she still didn’t look—couldn’t look. Gently, he pulled her hand from her face holding it in his lap. He cupped his face with his freehand. “I jus’ want t’kiss you,” he whispered rubbing his thumb so softly against her cheek. It felt like the equivalent of his whispered voice. “Nothing more,” he promised. “Can jus’ be one kiss, even,” he suggested. “Nothing else,” he repeated.

She looked at those brilliant green eyes for so long she swore another hour passed in that minute. The shake of her voice disappeared. The stinging behind her eyes stopped. Her heart felt achy, and she leaned the final empty inches between them and granted his wish.

*

It was not one kiss. One kiss turned into another and then another and then she wasn’t sure she could keep count even if she wanted to. Harry’s hand cupped the side of her face the entire time. His fingers sliding between her hair right behind her ear and tugging her close. It had to have been hours by the time Harry pulled away, resting his forehead against hers. His breathing heavy across her cheeks as he pressed a kiss on her cheek, then pulled away to kiss her forehead. He tucked her head beneath his chin and pulled her toward him. It was quiet, aside from the music below them and their slightly ragged breathing. “Thank you,” he whispered.

She giggled slightly shaking her head against his chest. She was clinging to his short shirt sleeves with both hands, like he was a life raft. Granted, he did make her feel like she was drowning with kisses only moments before. They were quiet for a while, just basking in the warmth of each other. Every so often, Harry kissed the top of her head. His hand moved up and down her spine soothingly.

“Are you tired?” He asked. She shook her head. “Are you alright, kitten?” He asked nervously.

She nodded. “I’m good,” she sighed. “Promise.”

He sighed with relief. “Good,” he murmured in her hair. “’Ve wanted t’do that since I met you,” he admitted.

She smiled against his throat. “Yeah?”

“Very much so,” he mumbled.

“Can I ask you something?” She asked pulling back from him. It seemed colder than the air outside being so far away from him. It was almost harmful to her health.

He nodded. “’Course.”

“Have you heard the rumors about me?” She wondered.

He blinked. “No,” he frowned. “M’sorry. What rumor—”

She blushed. “Um... just that I’m not your type. I’m nerdy. Not...gonna be around long,” she turned away briefly. “I don’t expect you to propose or anything just for kissing me, Harry. I’m not insane. But I’m looking for a relationship,” she sounded way stronger than she felt. Looked him square in the eye as she said the next part. “But I don’t want to date lots of guys for weeks and not have it go anywhere or do anything. I want to have someone to depend on when I feel stressed, someone to sit with me while I do homework, go out to eat with or watch movies and—”

He smiled and chuckled softly as she spoke. Her heart felt so fragile and exposed and his laughter momentarily made her feel ridiculous. But after just a few seconds of his low chuckle, eventually, he sighed with relief. “Kitten, I’ve been waiting a very long time for you,” he whispered, cupping her perfect, gorgeous face, and kissed her again.

*

“Is it everything you expected?” He whispered. She snorted in the dark and Harry chuckled. Her body was warm and pressed close to his, spooned against his chest. She smelled like the raspberry chapstick she put on right before they climbed into his bed. He squeezed her, kissed her temple. His heart nearly broke listening to her worry about sleeping in the same bed as him. He knew there was more. More she was embarrassed about she couldn’t get it out in one full sentence. None of that mattered to him. Not even a little. “Can we talk?” He asked. She nodded silently against him. “You’ve never been in love?” He wondered.

She shook her head. “I think I’ve made it... too big of a thing in my head,” she admitted. “Too many rom-coms, fairy tales, and books I read as a teenager,” she explained. “It’s silly,” she whispered.

“I don’t think it’s silly,” he kissed the back of her head. “S’really nice.”

“My parents met on this campus,” she explained. “They love each other like...” she shook her head, his lips basically rubbing against her forehead with her motion. “I’m a lucky girl to witness that kind of love. To have grown up around that love while I lived at home.”

“S’that why y’transferred here?”

She shrugged. “It worked for them.”

“Love, m’not trying t’pry or say s’weird. Or make y’uncomfortable in anyway. But... m’shocked y’haven’t been in love. You’re stunning,” he punctuated the thought with another kiss to the back of her head. “Sweet, intelligent, jus’ so lovely. S’a miracle for me y’don’t have a line of admirers.”

She turned around in his arms to face him. She was eye level with him. Their heads sharing a pillow on the extremely small twin mattress. Her nose bumped his and he smelled her raspberry chapstick even stronger. “When I was in high school,” she whispered. “I thought I was in love. I thought we were in love. He carried my backpack with my insanely heavy AP History textbook, he brought me coffee to school, and drove me home from soccer practice,” her voice was even. Not a hint of sadness yet Harry felt this rush of sadness all through him.

“Y’don’t have t’tell me, kitten.”

She glanced up at him, even though it was dark, the light thrown from the moon, made it bright enough that he could make out the whites of her eyes. “I want to,” she admitted. Her regular confidence seemed to be shaken during their almost kiss. The thought of making her uncomfortable, especially after feeling like she ruined their first kiss was his worst nightmare. But conviction seemed to resurface as she began her story. Harry wasn’t sure he’d be able to stand where he thought it was going, but if she wanted to share, he would listen to every word.

He nodded. “M’listening,” he promised.

“We were having our first study date at his place,” she continued. “It was for our English literature class. We had to create a PowerPoint about a book we read. Highlighting all the symbolism and allegory. The history and whatnot,” it wasn’t relevant as to what they were studying. It wasn’t the point. She was stalling. Harry knew it. But he let her continue. “He invited me over because his parents weren’t home. His siblings were out. It was just us.” Harry was terrified he knew where it was going and even though she was perfectly whole in front of him, he felt so much anger coursing through him he worried he might hold her too tight. He held his breath waiting for the shoe to drop. “I thought he would just want to make out or something,” she whispered. “I’m pretty certain I was in love with a guy in my biology class the year before, so I knew I didn’t love him so maybe it’s my own fault for going to his house. Knowing what a guy like him—”

“It’s not your fault,” Harry interrupted. His voice was flat. He didn’t want her to continue. But he had to know. Needed to know. Because very honestly, Harry was going to kill him for hurting her.

She swallowed loud enough for Harry to hear, and she took a deep breath. “I told him I didn’t want to have sex,” she whispered very softly. “He said I was a waste of his time. All this time he could have been with,” she shook her head. “Three, four other girls. Not wasting months on someone that didn’t want to sleep with him,” she pressed her forehead against the top of his chest. “I felt so stupid,” her voice was so thin it was hard for Harry to hear her. He cupped the back of her neck and kissed her forehead. He hoped it was encouraging. So she would keep talking if she wanted. “I thought he liked me. I thought that maybe I wouldn’t get that earth stopping love my parents had, but maybe I would find a guy and we would grow to love each other like that. I know in hindsight that’s stupid to think at seventeen, but it was the only thing that made sense at the time.” Harry remained silent. “I walked home,” she whispered. “My mom just knew. She asked me a thousand questions if he hurt me. I told her he didn’t, but I think part of her still believes that I lied to her—”

“Y’did, kitten. He did hurt you.”

“He didn’t—”

“Love he broke your heart and your trust. He hurt you,” he said simply. “He’s an ass. An idiot. He should be in jail just for breaking your heart,” he promised. It felt so unbelievable that she had never been in love. He wanted to know more about the guy from her biology class, but he couldn't believe that someone so perfect to him hadn't been in love. “S’no wonder y’mum kept asking. Y’mum knows he hurt you. Y’jus’ pretended he didn’t so y’could protect your heart, love,” he explained. She was silent for a minute. Harry could feel her foot impatiently shifting between the covers, near the bottom of his legs and he continued waiting while she processed this information. “Have y’ever told anyone ‘bout this?” He asked quietly.

She shook her head. “It wasn’t...a huge deal,” she shrugged.

He was silent for another long moment, trying to control his anger. If he had his address, Harry was certain he would do something drastic “M’sorry y’feel like y’have t’minimize your feelings. You shouldn’t do that. Please don’t do that around me,” he murmured.

“Harry,” she sighed and pressed her forehead against his. “Where did you come from?” She asked. “Guys in college don’t... You can’t possibly be real.”

He smirked sadly. “I told you, I’ve been waiting a really long time for you,” he kissed her forehead, her eyelids, the bridge of her nose, and her cheeks.

“Harry,” she said softly.

“Yes, kitten?” he was so happy to have her so close to him. None of his daydreams during their walks or math lectures compared at all.

“It’s not going to bother you if—”

“M’sorry t’interrupt, love. But, don’t bother finishing that question. M’gonna take care of your heart. That’s it,” he promised and gave her another gentle squeeze. “Go t’sleep,” he murmured.

For a while it was so quiet, it barely sounded like she was breathing. “Thank you,” her voice was so soft he hardly heard her. As he drifted off with surely the love his life in his arms, part of him thought she wasn’t speaking to him at all.

*

In the morning, her alarm went off pulling Harry from his dream state. Surely having her in his arms was still a dream, though. He yawned, stretching, and turning to her as she looked nervously. “Sorry, I didn’t know it would be that loud.”

He smiled. “S’okay. Can I make y’breakfast before you go?”

“Oh, no thank you. I’m good.”

“Jus’ lemme get dressed and I’ll drive you.”

“That’s unnecessary,” she promised.

He smiled and kissed her forehead. “S’too bad,” he shrugged, rolled out of bed and headed to the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he returned, she passed him to get dressed in the bathroom and Harry quickly stripped himself of his pants so if she was finished in the bathroom shortly, he wouldn’t embarrass her by being naked from the waist down.

She did catch him with his shirt off, making her cheeks turn the lightest shade of red. Harry smirked tugging his shirt over his head. “Sorry,” she murmured and grabbed her bag to shove her clothes inside it. “Er...I was thinking, by the time I get out, it will be colder...and I don’t have the right coat to walk home. Could you drop me off at my car?” She asked.

Harry tilted his head at her. “I’ll jus’ pick y’up, kitten,” he could see her mulling this over in her head. There was a bit of worry in her eye. Fear of putting Harry out, he was sure. “Love,” he smiled sweetly. “M’picking y’up,” he promised. “More time t’spend with you.”

“You are...” she smiled shaking her head. “Something else, Harry Styles.”

*

Hey, kitten. Missing you. Hope you’re having a good day xx

Hi! I’m good. Busy with work and studying. Hope your day is good too!

It’s pretty good. Heading to the mechanic. Cars are the worst 😔 Work later. Wish I could see you 😭

At least there’s no class tomorrow

I’d rather have class just to see you xx

That’s really sweet 🥰 Maybe we should meet up during class time anyway?

You’re a genius, love 😘 absolutely. I’ll meet you after your class.

Sounds perfect!

*

Harry felt shameful. It was a bad week and Thursday was supposed to be a good day after all since they agreed to meet up despite not having class. Well... it was bad aside from math class and studying. Two things he never thought he would say out loud or even think in the privacy of his own thoughts. It was also good because she said yes to a date—a real date.

After their night together over a week ago and a busy schedule on both parts, this was supposed to be their first official date the coming Saturday. He had it all planned out. A fancy restaurant that he made a reservation for in the city. They would take the train in to save them the nightmare of parking. He asked her on Tuesday after class and he didn’t think he would ever forget her beautiful smile when she said yes. It felt like he won the lottery.

But Harry’s car had other plans. He took it in for a routine oil change the night before. During breakfast, he got the call. He needed new tires and new brakes. He knew about the brakes, but he thought he could wait until spring to get new tires—just get through the winter. The mechanic was insistent.

He felt awful as he walked with her on Thursday to study in the library. She was bubbly with excitement for the last week. About him. It was too good to be true. Of course, something had to go wrong. He felt terrible that he was going to have to cancel. “Hey, love?” He asked.

She was rambling about something. Harry wished he had tuned in more to know what and felt bad seeing her excitement waver. “Yeah?”

“Uh...” he sighed and gestured to the bench along the sidewalk. “I have t’ask y’to reschedule our date,” he looked so miserable. Her heart felt so sad seeing how upset he was.

“Oh,” she frowned. The excitement in her eyes was officially dead. Harry felt horrible. “Yeah... of course! Of course, we can. Is... are you okay?”

“I jus’ feel so awful,” he mumbled. “Asking t’reschedule.”

“Oh,” she felt her face wrinkle in confusion. She placed a hand on his bouncing knee trying to help the anxiety he felt. “That’s... that’s okay. Is everything alright? Like, is your family okay or is it a doctor’s appointment?”

Harry thought he was going to cry. “Uh... s’a little embarrassing,” he admitted rubbing his hand on the back of his head. He couldn’t look at her.

“More or less than me getting lost on my first day of class as a twenty-one-year-old?”

He smirked. “S’nothing,” he promised.

“I... I hate to ask this because it makes me sound so insecure... but is it something I did? Or did someone say something about me and now you don’t like me—”

“Jesus,” he shook his head and pulled her toward him quick. He kissed the top of her head, his arm draping around her shoulders. If there was any question of them being an item, Harry certainly squashed them all in front of everyone walking by. Being broke wasn’t as awful as listening to her feelings of inadequacy. “No, no,” he sighed heavily. “God, no, kitten. S’nothing you did. You’re... you’re perfect,” he gazed down to meet her gaze. “M’so embarrassed... I had a pretty expensive car repair t’take care of... so m’over m’budget for the month. I didn’t know at the time—”

“Oh,” she blinked and shook her head. “Oh... that’s okay. We don’t have to go to that restaurant,” she shrugged. “I mean... if you don’t want to go out, of course. But... I don’t need a fancy restaurant.”

His heart jumped to his throat. “Really?” He sighed with relief. “Kitten, I don’t want t’wait any longer t’take you on a proper date... would you want to have a picnic or something? I know that’s lame. S’not a proper date because y’deserve so much more but...m’not making sense, I know—m’jus’ really overwhelmed and—”

She put a gloved hand on the side of his face and smiled. Harry thought that he would see her eyes in every one of his dreams. In his head. Every time he closed his eyes. “I would love a proper picnic date,” Harry swore her smile was made of stardust. Or maybe snowflakes. “Will it be too cold though? We could have an indoor picnic.”

“I’ll make sure you’re warm,” he promised.

*

She picked Harry up and drove them to where he said. He filled her car with a whole bunch of supplies, food, and drinks. He told her to dress warm and she looked like she was ready to hike. Boots, warm thick socks, a big sweatshirt. She looked so cozy and warm. Once they got to the little place Harry had found when he first made it to college, he requested she wait in the car while he set everything up. “Don’t look, yeah?” He smiled.

She nodded and made herself busy looking at her phone. But after the third trip to the car, Harry could tell she felt bad. “Are you sure you don’t need help?”

“Stay put,” he insisted. After a few more minutes, Harry was at her car door. He was grinning like an idiot as he opened her door. “After you, kitten.”

There was a massive blanket laid on the grass. Along the edges there were little twinkling lights that he hoped made it feel like something out of a movie. Harry’s heart was thudding in his chest. A cooler with drinks and another with food was on one corner of the blanket. Finally, a tiny, portable space heater from camping with Mitch was directed at the blanket. She giggled. “Harry,” she sighed. “This is better than a fancy restaurant," he shook his head with a smirk.

“You’re still getting a fancy dinner, but I couldn’t wait any longer.”

She bit her lip and laid across the blanket gazing up. “This place is so pretty,” she whispered. “Look how nice the sky looks.”

It was getting chillier by the minute with the sun getting lower in the sky. Harry hoped to stay an hour or two but with the slight breeze he worried she would freeze. But the way she laid across the blanket made her look like a goddess. She belonged to nature. He knelt on the blanket beside her and grabbed the food he had planned. She rolled onto her stomach and then to a half-kneeling, half-sitting position. Harry brought sandwiches delighted by her request that her favorite sandwich was peanut butter and strawberry jam. They ate quietly for a bit and Harry poured cans of the sparkling wines he had in his fridge (he thought they might be Sarah’s, but he wanted something classier than beer or seltzers for their first real date).

The sky was pink and purple again after they finished their sandwiches and two glasses of sparkling wine. Harry baked cookies before she came to get him. They nibbled on those while chatting but mostly he just enjoyed her company and how happy she was to just be there with him. It seemed like she really didn’t need a fancy restaurant—even if he thought she deserved it more than all the rest.

When they finished snacking, Harry put the coolers back in the car and laid beside her gazing up at the sky. He pulled the corner of the huge blanket up over her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. “I could lay here forever,” he murmured.

“Me too,” she nuzzled herself closer to his warm jacket. He kissed the top of her head.

“M’sorry this is the lamest first date,” he grumbled still feeling the bits of inadequacy of what he wanted to give her because she deserved the best and not a single thing less.

“No way,” she shook her head. “This is so nice, Harry. I’m warm and cozy. I’m not worried about my dress looking right or spilling something on it. I don’t have to worry about which fork to use. There’s no one around to interrupt or stare at us...” she sighed. “It’s literally the best first date,” she promised.

“Stare at us?” He repeated.

“Surely you see everyone eyeing us every time we walk to class.”

He frowned. “I didn’t know,” he mumbled.

She tilted her head to meet his gaze. She looked genuinely surprised. “Hmm,” she hummed. “I’m not used to people staring at me,” she smiled teasingly. “You probably just tune it all out.”

He chuckled, rolling his eyes at her as he flicked her gently on the side of the head. “I only care when you’re staring,” he brushed his finger across her cheek. “S’like the only thing that matters now.”

“This is crazy, isn’t it?” She whispered.

“What?”

“Falling so hard?”

“Didn’t know y’were falling so hard,” he chuckled. She smacked his chest.

“Shut up,” she tucked her face into his side. He cupped the side of her face.

“I fell so hard, love,” he promised. “Fell so. Very. Hard.”

Harry thought about getting her back soon. It was getting colder by the second. But the sky was this multitude of sunset colors that made him never want to leave. He only wanted to exist right beside her in this little meadow of peacefulness and never let go of her.

--

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[kerostarz]

love you twice. kim gyuvin

🍵 _

“and yeah he was really nice overall”

my roommate finally came back and i told her all about my official first encounter with kim gyuvin.

“this is the beginning of your rom-com.. are you kidding me ??” my roommate squeals, i laugh and shrug, “oookay calm down i don’t even have the time to complete half of these essays and research studies in time, you think i’ll have time for romance ?” my friend smiles and winks and i roll my eyes giving up.

⏰ *ringggg* *ringggg* (the next day)

i woke up and quickly got ready. today i had two midterms in biology. how exciting. truthfully with me being sick i wasn’t able to study much as i just felt dead for a whole week, so i decided to wake up early and go revise in the library.

it wasn’t too cold this morning as spring was approaching so i finally chose to wear a t shirt and some baggy blue jeans. i silently scurried out of my dorm as to not disturb my roommate who was still in dreamland.

📓📚.

after 2 hours in the library, it was finally time to take my test and i did not feel prepared at all. 1.5 hours passed by and the bell rang signaling that the test was finally over. it was well past 13:00 pm and i was so hungry. i quickly paced down the hallway but when i got down to the entrance, it was pouring rain outside. great.

for one: i had no umbrella in hand, and for two: it started getting cold and i had no jacket either. at this point my only choice was to run back to my dorm but before i could take a step outside, a hand pulled me inside again. huh ?

“it’s too cold, you’ll catch a cold again” i turned around, my face meeting with none other than kim gyuvin’s face. “oh it’s you!” i exclaimed in surprise.

“here” gyuvin dropped his backpack on the floor and began to take his hoodie off, “you can have my hoodie” and before another word could leave my mouth, he motioned his head left and right and pointed his palm at me, “do not worry! i am wearing a thermal shirt underneath so i have come prepared for the weather AND i brought an umbrella too!” i smiled softly, gently taking his hoodie and thanking him as i put it on. it was warm and had a baggy fit on me.

gyuvin opened the umbrella and we took off under the rain, our bodies compressed under the umbrella as to not get a single drop on us. “what brings you in the biology building by the way?” i asked him, wondering since his major’s building was on the other side of campus. “oh! uuhh.. my friend left his pencil case so i went to drop it off.. yeah!” he smiled. “i see, well we just had an exam and i’m exhausted ugh, i have another one in the afternoon but at least it’s online” i sighed, a sigh of exhaustion. silence and rain fills the conversation for a minute.. “are you hungry? let’s go and grab hot pot” gyuvin suggests and i immediately agree.

🥢~

“thank you for the meal~” i drop my body against the restaurant’s sofa, my stomach satisfied with the food, “you really didn’t have to pay gyuvin”. he refused to half the bill earlier and ran to the counter to pay. at that point i couldn’t say no so i remained in my seat laughing it off as he turned around smiling and sticking his tongue out.

“sooo.. when are you taking the test” gyuvin asks, we headed out the restaurant and began to mindlessly walk around the streets near campus. “ah, you’re right” i chuckled, “i totally forgot about it haha” i was having so much fun just hanging around with him that it only hit me now that i have yet another test to take. “i should head back to my dorm” i replied looking down at my feet. i felt gyuvin’s gaze laying on mine and i suddenly started getting nervous. but why ?

“it’s 5pm and the cafe should not be busy since it’s a week day.. we could pass by and you can take your exam there, yeah?” i looked up at him, his eyes shining like boba balls, almost as if he was begging me to not leave. “plus it’s nearer here than campus so we’ll save time and-” “let’s go,” i cut him off and smiled, gyuvin smiling back, his eyes forming a crescent moon shape.

“let’s get going then.”

[in-my-feels-probably]

Hi!! I was wondering if I could please have a romantic ship with a boy from the golden trio era?

I’m 5’4 and I have long curly hair and bright green eyes. I’m and ENTJ 7w8, and a Gryffindor. I adore all sciences but especially biology and chemistry, which makes sense because I’m going to be a surgeon. I can be stubborn and a tad loud, I have a large friendgroup and am very extroverted. I like using my knowledge to make people laugh because I like joking around, even if it gets me in trouble- laughter is the best medicine. I’m not the best with comforting emotions, but I really try my hardest to give good advice. People trust me and I take that as a large responsibility.

I can be impulsive and sometimes irritable but I’m very slow to true anger because I’ve learned I’m scary when angry and need to controll my temper. I love animals (especially dolphins and cats), whimsigothic and obnoxious patterns, coffee with cinnamon, fireworks, and roller/ice rinks even though I have zero balance. I can often be found watching a rom-com or horror movie and eating a snack while multitasking and doing homework. I can be disorganized and a procrastinator, but I always get it done. I’ve been told I have a RBF but I swear I’m really nice unless you say something cruel against my friends, me, or my family. I really dislike judgy people, people who hurt innocents, racists, homophobes (looking at u JK), and those who think violence is always the answer. I also dislike those who have no appreciation for the world around them

I enjoy knowledge for the sake of knowing, and I read a lot of true crime and mysteries because not knowing the end is always the most fun part. I also love art, painting, singing, playing an instrument, acting, the whole lot. I’m the first person on the dance floor and the last to leave. My favorite color is red, but purple and green are close behind. The best person to be is yourself, and it’s the motto I live by. I pride myself on being the only me ever. Thanks for listening to my rambling and I’m excited to see who think I’d end up with at Hoggity-Woggity-Hogwarts!

hi! thank you for participating :)

i’m so sorry, but i’ve stared at this post for like ten minutes and im so tired, but i don’t want to make you wait anymore, so if you don’t mind im gonna do a kinda fast version of this. it’s the last one i have in my inbox. so im sorry if it’s not as cohesive as some of the other ones i’ve done of this, it might seem a little jumbled. but im close to falling asleep and i don’t want to forget about this request or any of my ideas.

anyways, i ship you with neville!

i think you being extroverted would make it easier for him to talk to you. he’s a little introverted himself, but he’d open up around you when you made him comfortable enough to be himself. plus, he’d get really excited when he realized you were into science. idk how into botany you are, but he’d love telling you about it, and he’d love it even more that you were willing to actually listen to him and not brush him off. and you’d mutually bond over your love for animals and magic creatures.

i think he’d really appreciate that you’re the type of friend to stand up for him if people were rude. if they said something about blood purity, or his parents and what bellatrix did, or just anything shitty to him, he’d know that you’d be there to back him up. i think he does have what it takes to stand up for himself, he just sometimes need the nudge. and you’d be more than happy to help out.

overall, i think neville would know that he can be himself around you. there’s nothing you would judge him for, and he’d never judge you. when he found out you liked to dance, he’d be thrilled. he’d ask you to whatever annual dance there was, and practice all night when you said yes. people like ron or seamus would tease the two of you for dancing all night, but it wouldn’t bother you at all. luna would applaud you, dancing along with you.

“thanks for coming with me,” he’d say.

you’d smile, settling your arms around his shoulders. “i wouldn’t miss it.”

you’d be in a red dress (or suit, or whatever it is you’d prefer) and neville would tell you how beautiful you looked, gently swaying with you back and forth.

you’d grin, swaying along with him. “you look beautiful, too.”

[ukai-simp-services]

because i love you

prompt: tainted hues: “if you loved them, why did you break their heart?”

@tooruluv | #tooruluv2kparty

oikawa x fem!reader

warnings: heavy angst, poor mental health, depression, heartbreak, small panic attack, alcoholism.

a/n: why am i so sad after writing this,, i think this is my first time writing angst with no fluff T^T

  somewhere in argentina, there is a large penthouse with tall windows and cornered with perfectly trimmed green hedges. the interior of the penthouse is simple, there are no memories cluttering the walls, there are no fairy lights adorning the windows, there are no bento boxes in the fridge, and there are no sweet scented candles in every room of the house.

  there is only dull colored furniture, only overflowing laundry baskets, only a kitchen sink filled to the brim with dirty dishes, and only empty liquor bottles littering the dining table. 

  a home without you, is hardly a home.

  in this penthouse, a young man, barely 25 years old, sits at the kitchen table with a glass of fernet in his hand. one large window is opened, letting the warm evening breeze rustle the thin kitchen curtains and brush over his exposed skin. 

  oikawa still couldn’t stop thinking about what iwaizumi had asked him two years ago. 

  no amount of mind numbing liquor could ever make him forget that interaction -inevitably, the last face-to-face interaction he ever had with his best friend. 

  “oikawa, if you loved her, then why would you break her heart?”

   oikawa gasps to himself, suddenly feeling chills run up his back, as if the memory happened just yesterday.

  he remembers vividly how furious iwaizumi’s voice was and the tired look in his best friend’s eyes - a look that all but told oikawa that he was exhausted picking up the shattered pieces that he always left behind.

  he downs the glass of fernet.

  he pours himself another.

  he remembers that, that was the first time he had nothing to say - the first time that tōru oikawa was at a loss for words. because men like oikawa, men with quick rebuttals and prepared excuses, always knew exactly what to say in every situation. 

  that day, iwaizumi had walked away from oikawa with sadness in his eyes, no trace of hostility to be found anymore. there was no slap to the back of oikawa’s head, no ear piercing screaming of a lecture, and no insults thrown at him. there was nothing.

  but oikawa would’ve preferred a slap to the head or some sort of beating.

  a gentle ache presents itself in oikawa’s throat, threatening a small cry to stumble out.

  oikawa washes it away with a swig to his drink.

  iwaizumi is a faint presence in oikawa’s life now, he calls and texts - the occasional check up - but he had stopped being his best friend a long time ago. 

  losing a brother pains him; it burns from the depths of his core, but losing you practically kills him; it steals every bit of oxygen from his lungs. 

  because, ultimately, you were his reason for living - for breathing; your warmth, your comfort, your presence is what kept oikawa going every day. without you, his days are meaningless, he inevitably lives his life without purpose. 

  but, now he finds it ironic; he chose volleyball over you, his life.

  everyday, from 9am to 7pm, he mindlessly serves, sets, and passes a volleyball. for hours on end, he feels his muscles contract and relax as he tosses the ball up high, just for him to smack it down against a cold and shiny gym floor, he watches at it ricochets back into the air just to fall back down onto the ground again. bounce bounce bounce, till the sound ceases and the ball rests in its place.  

  oikawa now wonders when a blinding passion - a heart pounding desire to play this sport, turned into just a distraction. he finds that now when the very familiar surface of the volleyball brushes up against his palm, he no longer feels his adrenaline pumping with excitement; he feels resent.

  because trying to dissipate his memories of you by overworking his body everyday no longer worked anymore, if anything it only made things worse. 

  every game, every screech of his name from the crowd, every praising cheer after he makes an award winning serve, it all reminds him that you aren’t in the stands cheering him on. faces upon faces, all different colors and all different shapes, none of them are yours. 

  oikawa hisses as he feels a dull ache in his knee, the same knee you would spend hours massaging after practice every day.

  the lump in his throat has become more apparent now, he drowns it out with the bitter liquid in his cup - trying to suppress the feelings that will always be there. 

  he is only 25, yet he can feel his body beginning to give up on him. his muscles are weaker than they were two years ago, his bones throb under his weight with every step he takes, and his mind is continuously drifting off into oblivion. 

  he wonders who he is living for at this point. he can’t lie to himself and say that volleyball is his reason, because then who is he playing it for?

  this country; even with its busy streets and loud music - he still can’t help but feel alone. 

  his favorite memory of you plays in his mind like a film, it’s grainy and colored with a brown, faded hue. your hair whipping in the wind, your dress flowing over your hips, your feet sinking into the sand, your hand intertwined with his, and your mouth open with that melody of a laugh spilling out of it. 

  he remembers your skin felt soft, flawless against his calloused palm. shimmering silver earrings decorated your ears, a gift he had gotten you for your birthday. the air around you was warm, despite the unforgiving ocean winds that was tussling through your hair and clothes. 

  as the memory plays, your laugh begins to fade away in the wind, the already loud noise getting increasingly louder and louder. his ears are ringing now, he can’t hear your laugh anymore. the sky is no longer a heavenly blue, it is now an unsettling gray. your body, your hand holding his, the scenery of the beach, is being ripped from his mind and transforming into a different memory, one he would kill to forget. 

  there you were, eyes big and brimming with tears, standing in front of him. the beach background has now turned into your shared apartment in japan, both of you in the living room. you open your mouth, but oikawa can’t hear your voice - he remembers your words vividly, but his mind refuses to play them. 

  tears spilling down your cheeks, your hands balled into fists; oikawa watches as he breaks down the one person who he deemed to be unbreakable. everything he had built - everything you had built, he watches fall apart for the hundredth time. 

  a sharp pain shoots through his chest, snapping him back to reality.

  he clutches at the fabric of his t-shirt, heaving breaths fall from his lips as he tries to compose himself. 

  the cup full of fernet falls to the floor, pieces of his heart are scattered on the floor alongside the broken glass. 

  oikawa lost meaning in his life the second he walked out the door that shameful day; he lost his motivation, his strive.

  everyday, his body aches with loss. the sounds of cars racing down the busy streets, the loud music playing from his favorite coffee shop, the smacking of countless volleyballs being slammed down onto gym floors, and the lively chattering coming from some rom-com that he left playing on his flat screen tv, all sound like background noise to him - numbly playing in his ears as background music to the memories he constantly has playing in his mind. 

  oikawa never knew about loss or pain until you, never imagined that this is what it would feel like. 

  but, loss has made him wiser; he knows now what will lie ahead for the both of you. he knows that as years come and go, the pain will begin to diminish a little, bit by bit - but he also knows that there’s no way that it’ll ever fully leave his heart. 

  because, as he gets older, he’ll only get more tired. his skin will begin to wrinkle, hair will start to gray, his bones will ache from weight of the world, his lungs will begin collapsing from the pressure constantly on his chest, and his heart will eventually cease to beat, from the death grip you still have on it. 

  he will age unforgivingly, eyes devoid of any color - they have already lost the once charming glint they used to hold. 

  unlike him, he knows you’ll only burn brighter as the upcoming years pass you by. 

  you’ll get back on your feet, your skin will glow again, your muscles will strengthen and your heart will beat with a newfound passion to love yourself - that’s something he’s always admired about you, the passion you held for all things involving love.

  you’ll age with an unstoppable beauty; you’ll laugh and smile so much that permanent crinkles will form next to your eyes, you’ll dance so much that your muscles grow tired, you’ll fall in love again and have all those kids you wanted - kids that will fill every single gap in your heart that oikawa left behind. 

  despite pure science and human biology, your youth will never leave you. you’re one of the few people oikawa has met that have the ability to live young forever. your soul is unbreakable. sure, oikawa may have put a mere scratch on it, but he never came close to cracking it. 

  and that’s the difference between you and him; he will die miserable and alone, heart poorly stitched together and the inside of his body bruised and weak. you will pass away surrounded by people who also - like him - became allured by your kind spirit and your lively energy. his body will fall weak from exhaustion, but yours will fall weak from years of dancing and laughing and singing. his heart will die battered with pain, your heart will die full of love and forgiveness. 

  it’s painful to think about, but oikawa knows this is the truth, and simply just how life works. he won’t sugarcoat it for himself, he knows his ending is exactly what he deserves. 

  so he begins writing a note. the bottle of fernet he was previously so dependent on, is now long forgotten. he holds a shiny black pen in his hand and a white slip of paper in his other. he clicks the pen and holds the tip above the blank page for a few beats; hesitating, before he’s letting the words flow out. 

  it starts, with an answer to a question.

  “i broke her heart, because i love her.”

[ladym1983]

My reflections about Star Trek

When Star Trek TNG and DS9 aired in the 90’s I was in my teens. I struggled with growing up and couldn’t quite understand the appeal the series had to such a number of people. Why were people so interested in a fictional account on exploring the universe while I had problems to understand the world around me. While I had problems finding friends after I changed school and all the changes puberty brought with it. I never imagined something like science fiction as a way to relax and escape reality. As something to invest a lot of time in.

In addition, the word science kind of scared me. I didn’t know what to expect. Something like the movies I saw adverts for? Movies in which they experiment on aliens? Or movies about science in general? Except biology science had never been my strong suit. No matter what I didn’t get all this fascination for this kind of series.

And then I met my husband in 2003. He absolutely loved science fiction and introduced me to a lot of movies and series like Star Wars, Doctor Who, Space 1999 and others. I slowly understood that science fiction was more complex than I ever expected. It was neither experimenting on aliens nor dry science as I initially thought. No in fact it was even quite entertaining. But while I really liked some of the shows I still wouldn’t consider myself an extreme fan of these.

Eventually my husband showed me Star Trek Voyager for the first time. I liked the different characters a lot. I also liked the fact that there were smaller plots beside a main story arc.

Later I watched Picard, which in my opinion had a much darker plot. It was also good, bit it didn’t have the same appeal to me as Voyager. So for a while Voyager was my favorite Star Trek show.

And then I stumbled upon Discovery. A show that portrayed so many different and individual characters. Which had darker plots but also some extremely hilarious moments. And which put a lot of focus on the emotions of the characters. Discovery was the show that finally hooked me. Eventually I started watching DS9 which also concentrates on the different characters to a certain extent. And I have to admit that in my opinion Discovery and DS9 are the best TV shows I ever watched.

But what is so special about Star Trek, especially Discovery and DS9? First of all the stories in general. In both cases we have a main plot which stretches over the entire series or at least a season. But instead of focusing solely on this main story arc there area lot of equally exciting subplots at the same time.

Another important aspect are the characters. Each of them has multiple layers of personality. No matter if it is a main character or a supporting character. This means there are a lot of different, unique individuals viewers can identify or relate with. Not to forget the personality development, which is also not reduced to main characters only.

Good examples are Nog and his father Rom in DS9. Both change a lot over the course of the show. Nog goes from being a teenage Ferengi, who’s main focus lies on girls or making profit to a mature young man who strives to join Starfleet because he doesn’t want to lead a life like his father. In this process he develops a strong sense of dignity and respect.

And Rom who had worked for his brother most of his life stands up against him by first founding a worker’s union and later quitting his job to become a maintenance engineer.

In addition to the strong characters Star Trek puts a great emphasis on the topic of mental health, especially in the newer seasons of Discovery. The topics vary from lost, self finding issues, up to a kind of survivor’s guilt. But the whole time the struggles of the individual characters are portrayed in a respectful manner. A kind of way to show that mental health issues and seeking help to cope with them are nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to devalue a person.

Last but not least Star Trek has a very appealing vision of a better future. Basic needs like food are covered by replicators. Therefore starvation is not an issue anymore. Also medical science is far more advanced and less invasive. Technical augments, which help the injured to lead a fairly normal life, are common.

Society itself has changed. With a multitude of species interacting with each other, it has become increasingly diverse. This includes both species and culture as well as gender and sexuality. This is definitely an inspiring vision, leading into a better future.

[bobowhooo]

Hard feelings

Genre : Rom-com/ Smut/ Highschool!AU

Starring : Exo, OC, and other OC highschool assholes

Pairing : Baekhyun X OC and OC X sehun shhhh

Summary : Prom, the biggest night of any shallow teens life. The day the boy becomes a man and the girl becomes a woman. And naturally, as a queen bee always should, I had a terrible fucking time.

One shot. (bang) 

“Hey, bestie!” Jayde yelled happily as she stepped out of her new 2019 honda accord, given to her for her eighteenth birthday. I let out a breath before locking my convertible. For some reason, i wanted to shoot her for how cheery she sounds. My eyes traveled to jayde’s legs, clad in form-fitting, light pink, Pepto like high waisted jeans, walking over to me with a wide smile on her dewy fresh face. Despite the fact that inside I want to barf all over the loud costume she thinks is an adequate outfit, she looks terribly happy right now, So I’ll put on a smile and let it slide.

“He finally did it! He finally asked me to go!” She hugged me up when her heels tapped close enough to me. I stumbled a bit into my car and threw my hands around her waist. About three months ago jayde got involved with the schools biggest douche bucket, QB of the football team, known for fucking three girls in the empty party planning club room. You know, that type. They made out one time at a party after they bonded over their favorite sex position and jayde claims it was love at first french kiss. They have been “on and off”, you could say, ever since then. But, to be blunt, “on and off” was really just him doing whatever the fuck he wanted to, and her crying in my neck about it. Anyways, now that the prom is coming up, she’s been on her best behavior to make sure she’s the one he asks. And to my surprise, she succeeded. 

“That’s so great jay!” I said with a sweet smile. “You know, you should thank me too.”

Her smile faltered slightly and she gave me a confused look as if she doesn’t understand. She should.

“Ehh come on jay. You and I both know how much everyone in school shipped us together, if I didn’t pass on him he would be begging on his knees to go to prom with me right now, and not you. No offense.”

“Y-yeah, true! Thank you!” She said with a giggle. “But you have baekhyun anyways, you don’t need him.”

“Say that things name again and I’ll bitch slap you so hard, your dead dog will feel it.”

Jayde gasped as she covered her mouth with her manicured hand, scrunching her eyebrows in shock and fear. I shot daggers at her face then her shitty pants and stormed away with a tinge of anger. How dare she mention him while im gracing her with my presence. Is she like, dim or some shit? I’m pretty sure this school is making a big mistake by letting her graduate. I climbed up the stairs to the entrance doors of bellewood high. Every time I enter this building I wonder why I haven’t transferred to some random prep school yet. But then I remember my dad’s “I want you to live a normal life like I did.” Speech. I don’t get how you can work hard to make sure that in the future your children get the opportunities you could never have, just to push them in a school less than that of a wonderful opportunity. Don’t get me wrong, this is certainly a school for upper middle class, and I guess that’s good enough for right now. but some people just didn’t get that memo. Which is unfortunate, to say the least.

I pushed open the doors and swayed my way into everyone’s eyes. As always, stealing everyone’s attention. A slight smirk made its way on my face. What an attention whore I am. Usually, I stare straight down the hall as I strut to my locker, but in the corner of my eyes, I saw people not looking at me, but pass me. What kind of freaky twisted nightmare is this? I stopped before turning around, only to bump my chest into someone. 

Oh, you have got to be kidding me. 

I eyed the person stealing people’s attention, which by the way is practically my birthright, and scoffed. 

“Gina.”

“Piece of shit, I mean, baekhyun.”

“Real original.” The boy said to me with less than no emotion. His fresh and fragrant scent blew passed me as he walked away as if he never even saw me in the first place. Another scoff accidentally made it’s way out of my mouth and I softly stomped my foot. I hate how powerless I feel against him, but at the same time, that’s what’s so attractive. 

Baekhyun, the school’s golden boy. He’s pretty much good at everything he does and still stays humble while he’s at it. Although he’s definitely not oblivious to how perfect he is. He’s the kind of guy that comes in your dreams to sweep you off your feet. Except he’s right in front of you, somewhere on the football field, or in the school’s latest musical. Yes, you heard me correctly, the school musical, I remember just how wet I got watching him play don lockwood in singing in the rain. Recently though, he’s become even more of a player than before, after a rumor that his magical fingers brought the most popular girl in school to a very obvious climax in biology. 

Good times. I would do it again in a second, If everything between us didn’t go to shit.

As I made my way to my locker I caught a glimpse of baekhyun in what looks like a forced interaction with my ex right hand. The beast-like bitch shoved her way in between me and baekhyun not too long ago so I dropped her like any person in their mind would.....and maybe almost ruined her life in the process. I guess some could say that’s the reason why baekhyun left me the way he did. I personally have no opinion on it because I refuse to acknowledge the huge L baekhyun and that skank bag maeline are trying to serve me. 

With all that being said, prom is coming and my ex-date is now stuffing his tongue down my ex-friend’s throat. I have no one to go with. Me! I have no prom date! Gina hwang! Genie of the bellewood high! Even the weird girl, angie tice, that’s deaf in one ear got a fucking date! I mean he’s a weirdo too but that’s beside the point!

Ehem.

Yes, as I was saying, it’s really out of the ordinary for me, the most popular girl in school, to be in a date emergency for one of the biggest nights of my life. But in my defense, my fondness for that hoe bag had me blinded into thinking that I wouldn’t need a back up plan. 

Note to self: boys will be boys, no matter how much you want them to be men. NEXT TIME, I WILL BE PREPARED!

I huffed and unlocked my locker, placing my bag in it neatly as I thought about who the fuck could save me from my crisis. I don’t need any real feelings to be involved. Just someone that looks cute with me hanging on their arm in my expensive prom dress. Someone that will make baekhyun eat his heart out.

There’s that adonis in the drama club, and that sexy ass soccer player. But to be honest there’s a rumor going around that they’re happy for each other, if you know what I mean. But I don’t believe that. Besides, who wouldn’t go straight for me?

“Ahah! Stop it loeyyy!” Jayde spoke playfully to chanyeol as he continued to kiss her all over like an excited puppy. I rolled my eyes and slammed my locker, grabbing their attention. 

“Oh, it’s dumb and fucker.” 

“Genieeee.” Chanyeol said dragging my name. “Found a date yet?”

“Don’t patronize me, asshole.” I turned my head in a pissed off nature. Who does he think he is? At least my date won’t have the IQ of negative 12.

“She’s in a bad mood honey bun.” She spoke in a sweet voice, talking as if I wasn’t standing right here. 

I scoffed and turned away. “For your info, I have a date, he just, doesn’t know it yet.”

“Thanks, coach!” I said while running off the field. Soccer practice has become particularly grueling lately, now that the next game will be against our biggest competition. Berkwood high, our rivals since before this school was even a thing. Everyone from that school is a complete asshole, in all honesty, they’re stuck up attitudes make you want to choke them to death, then do the same to yourself. Surprisingly the soccer players are worst than the football players in this case. Probably because most of their football players aren’t the sharpest tools in the shed. Our football team always wins against theirs, but their soccer team is better and much harder to beat. Too bad for them though, because lately we’ve been on a winning streak, and I don’t plan to stop that any time soon. But with all that being said, I have been so busy prom is the last thing on my mind. Which translates to - “I don’t have a date or a tux, so im not going.”

I sprinted into the locker room and went straight to taking off my soccer jersey. No matter how much I love soccer, I hate the dirty feeling I have afterward. Sweat, grass, and a dank odor, all things I hate when I'm not on the field. 

“Nice abs.” I jumped from the sudden voice filling my ears and interrupting my thoughts. I instinctively covered my stomach with my arm before looking up at the intruder.

“Gina.”

“Sehun.”

“Just what the hell do you want?”

“You.”

A fantasy. “What?”

She looked at me with a smirk and her pretty eyes were low. Im pretty sure I fantasized about this before, but I have a lot of those so I can’t say for certain. she gave a little pout before reaching out for my arm. revealing my abs again.

“I really need your help, sehun.”

“You and I both know when you need help it means I might end up either getting my ass beat or getting expelled.”

“That won’t happen this time. I just am in a prom crisis.”

“What do you mean?”

“Me and baekhyun broke up. Didn’t you hear?”

“I heard, but I thought it was all just a stupid rumor.”

“No, he dumped me after mae made up a stupid rumor that he slept with her. And I kind of.....tried to ruin her life after that. So now he thinks I'm some kind of monster, or whatever.”

“Ahhh I seeee, so im your last resort.”

“W-well, y-yeahh.”

My eyes traveled from her face to her body, the only reason I'm hesitant is because I don’t want her to see how excited I actually am. To be honest, I have had my eye on her since I first came to this school, but baekhyun swept her up before I gained the balls to say even a word to her. No girl has caught my attention since I met her, so this is the moment I’ve been waiting for. All I ever wanted was one night with her, one night, and she’ll fall in love. I just know it!

“Well, you’re in luck. I’ve been so busy lately, I haven’t had the time to find a date.”

“Oh my god! That’s perfect! Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

She hugged me in excitement and I felt self-conscious about how sweaty and smelly I must be. I don’t think she minded though. 

About an hour later, I was clean and walking down the busy halls. I can’t help but think I should tell baekhyun about the fact that I'm going to prom with his ex of what? like a week? Me and him are friends so I owe it to him don’t i? But then again everyone on the football team and soccer team are friends, so does it reallyyy matter? Fuck it, we’re friends but not so close that I owe him an explanation for this. What I really should be thinking about is what I'm going to wear. It’s late but I think i can still get my hands on a tuxedo.

“Sehun! Get your ass over here!”

I looked to the left side of the hall at baekhyun yelling at me with his arm over that mae girl. He looks like a complete asshole if you ask me, i still don’t know how gina ever fell for him of all people. I walked over to him with only one thing on my mind. 

Should i tell him?

“Long time no talk! Where you been?”

“Yeah, I’ve been busy on the field. We have a big game coming up.”

“Oh rigghht the game. Well, good luck with that.” He gave a bright smile to me as if that was going to put more umph to his words. The hell is he so happy for?

“Yeah, thanks.” I said as i side eyed mae.

“Oh! that reminds me. Do you have a date for prom yet? I'm asking because i could always help you out.”

“N-no need. I have a date.” I said startled by the sudden question. Is he always this nice? I never expected a sentence like that to come from him.

“Oh? Who’s that?” 

“Oooh! I know!” Mae randomly barged her way into our convo. “It’s that girl from the volleyball team that goes to all of your soccer games!”

I was surprised by her answer but ended up scowling in my head. Who could be friends with such a big mouth, good lord. I don’t even know what girl she’s talki- never mind, i do. But still, could she just shut up. “It’s not her. I’m sure she has a date by now though.”

“Just tell usss, we’re going to see you there anyway.” Baekhyun said before lightly hitting my arm.

He’s right, everyone is going to see us there. There’s no reason to hide it any longer. I looked down at my feet and murmured gina’s name. 

“Who?” Baekhyun asked with a confused pout.

“Yeah, who?” Mae asked like some kind of echo to baekhyun. This just might be the worst couple I’ve ever seen, and that says a lot since i go to high school. 

I rolled my eyes discreetly before clearing my throat. “Gina.”

It felt like after the mention of her name they both went on pause. Baekhyun looked completely shook as he looked at me, making no other movements. Mae looked the same way but with a tinge more anger probably due to baekhyun’s reaction. 

Is it really that big of a deal?

“Well, if you will excuse me.” I said quietly to the two statue-like people standing in front of me. “I have a tux to rent.”

My hand ran through my hair when i walked out of my last class. Today was unexpectedly a success, to be honest. Sehun of all people not having a date yet is a pure miracle. I mean, you can’t blame me for thinking that since he’s almost as popular as baekhyun. You would guess some girl would be up his ass about the prom by now. All that aside, I’m just glad i don’t have to go stag or attend the prom with one of those cringe “gal dates” on some, my prom date is my best friend shit. Plus i don’t hang out with losers so why would any of my friends not have a date. It would just never work. 

I reached for the door with my right hand. completely ready to get out of this trash ass school until i felt someone grip my left hand. I could tell it was baekhyun by how soft the palm of his hand is. He still has calluses on his fingertips from trying to learn how to play the guitar with chanyeol. He still owes me a love song. And i still want it. 

“What do you want, baekhyun?”

“So i guess i’m going to see you at prom with sehun tomorrow.” What he said wasn’t a question in the slightest. I looked at him as his head was a bit low. He looked genuinely hurt by the situation. But what did he expect from me? Did he want me to not go to prom, or go alone and sad, while i watch him dance with the bitch that made up a fucked up rumor to get between us? “I-i understand. I guess it just didn’t hit me that you’ll be there with someone else.” He added after locking eyes with me.

“Well, that’s unfortunate. It definitely hit me hard that you’re going with maeline of all people.” I pulled my hand out of his and folded my arms.

“There’s more to that story than what it looks like. I didn’t do it to hurt you.”

“Save it. Don’t come to me like this. Remember who broke up with who. Despite what i tell people.”

“Gina.” His eyes had so many emotions in them it pissed me off. Who is he to break up with me and still have me feel helpless with just one look. He’s like hurting me. I don’t get hurt though. I hurt people. This isn’t me.

“I don’t care what you have to say baekhyun. At this point, all i want to do is go to prom, get my crown, and fuck sehun for being such a good date.” 

Even i winced a bit after saying that. Although,  i hope he feels just as bad as i do. Yes, I know. I'm a bitch.

Baekhyun’s puppy-like eyes filled with something other than hurt before he looked away from me for the first time since he made eye contact with me. “You’re right. Why am i here with you?” He said with his cheeks heating up most likely in anger. “I should be with my date right now. I think i’ll take her to my parent's cabin after prom too.” 

“B-but, that’s our place.”

“No, it isn’t, there is no ours. Because there is no us. Not anymore. I get it now. Your feelings were never as deep as mine.” 

He sniffled and took a deep breath before storming past me and bumping into my shoulder out of the doors behind my back. 

Tonight is the night. I just hope it lives up to my expectations, because if not i can guarantee I'm going to scream in someone's face. My mom always told me her prom was sooo amazing because that was the night my dad told her he loved her. Now, i definitely won’t be hearing that tonight, but in my defense getting the prom queen title will be better. I think. And i know my mom can’t relate to that. So ha!

I smoothed out my dress while staring myself down in the mirror. The dress i picked is a dark red satin, strapless, open back ball gown with high slits. It’s like what a really sexy princess would wear. Which is pretty much my aesthetic. I smiled at myself in complete satisfaction with how i look right now. Im so fucking hot. How can people even handle me?

“Honey! Your date is here!” 

Deep breath in and a soft slow one out. Why am i nervous? I asked myself as i walked out of my room and to the stairs. I always wanted this moment to be with baekhyun. Him, at the bottom of the stairs, and me ascending down like an angel in the disguise of a really fucking hot teenage girl. His face in complete shock because of how stunning i am, and me smiling as if i don’t know how good i look, even though i know for damn sure im drop dead gorgeous. I was daydreaming so hard when i reached the stairs i almost had a heart attack after missing a step. if my hand didn’t death grip the wooden rail i would have definitely face planted by now. I gave a shy smile to my parents and sehun who were staring at me. I probably looked like an idiot just now, but with the way sehun is looking at me, im going to guess i didn’t look thaaat bad. I continued my slow walk down the stairs so everyone could bask in my beautiful presence. I took sehun’s hand when i got to the bottom and kissed him on the cheek as thanks. A flash hit my side profile and i whipped my head towards my mom to scowl at her.

“I'm sorry honey you just looked so gorgeous.”

I dropped my scowl for a sweet smile and nodded. “Naturally. I guess i can understand that reaction.” I spoke smugly. 

Sehun’s hand traveled to my waist. “Yes, you look gorgeous. Like i just-” 

“Hands off the merchandise kid. Don’t make me cut those fingers off.” My dad said with all the intimidation he could muster up. 

my mom hit him lightly on the chest to stop him from staring at my date “Lenny.” She said, soft but stern.

“Right, well we wouldn’t want that now would we.” Sehun spoke sarcastically while trying to still seem polite. 

“Let’s just get out of here!” I grabbed sehuns and made my way to the door as i heard my parents say random things in the background. I wasn’t listening though. 

“A limo! Sehun you shouldn’t have!” I said with a surprised smile.

“You ordered it though?” 

“Ugh, it’s perfect!” I said as the chauffeur opened the door for me. I smiled as he helped me in. A princess never gets tired of being treated like one. Sehun plopped in after me with no help from the chauffeur even though his face made it seem like he wanted it. 

“So, chanyeol is coming?” The handsome boy asked.

“Yes, actually he is.”

“Oh.” Silence filled the vehicle and i already started scrolling through my phone. If this was baekhyun, he would have been talking my ear off, and i would have given the same thing back. I guess the rumor that he liked me was really just a rumor. If he did he would be more talkative right?

“I'm sorry. I'm awkward like this because i’ve always dreamed of going to prom with you. You’re probably already thinking not too good things about me.” The boy said while rubbing the back of his neck out of nervousness.

I looked at him with wide eyes. “Me? Not to sound insecure or oblivious, but why me?”

“Yeah, you. If I'm being honest i have liked you since i first saw you at homecoming.”

“That early huh? Well, how come you never made a move on me, sehun?” I said and nudged him playfully.

“Well, if you haven’t realized, im a strong believer in the whole love is timing type of thing. I watch for an opening more than i make openings. If that even makes sense.”

I was looking deep into his eyes without even noticing. His words are so genuine and his eyes are shaking and nervous. If i touched his hand right now i bet it would be moist from a small amount of sweat. He’s so sweet. I was smiling without trying and somehow our places on the seats of this limo came closer to each other. He’s so different from baekhyun, which for right now, seems like all i need.

“I just admired you from afar for a while. So im nervous because all the things i wanted are coming to me so suddenly.” A nervous chuckle came out of his mouth when i came even closer to him than before. He cleared his throat and nodded his head as if he was agreeing with himself to keep calm. “I don’t know why I'm nervous. I'm not usually like this.”

“Who would have thought the cunning star soccer player oh sehun was such a cute, nervous mess.”

“Im not.” He said looking at me with a goofy kind of smile.

“Prove it.” I looked him in the eyes intensely daring him to make the first move in the back of this limo. “I promise i don’t bite. I might scratch a little though.”

He looked mesmerized before we both got startled by the screaming heard from outside the limo. I didn’t notice that we had stopped moving until now. I sighed before the door of the limo was harshly pulled open and chanyeol jumped in without acknowledging me and sehun. We both moved out of the way instinctively as he pushed his way in. He had a bottle of champagne in hand while he pulled jayde in and onto his lap.

“Oh my god! You look so good gina!” She yelled before chanyeol moved her out of his way so he could get a good look at me. They obviously did some pre-partying before they got in here. Judging by their appearance they most likely made out on her doorstep and drunk more than half of that champagne bottle in chanyeol’s hand. Real classy.

Jayde climbed all over me with compliments and as i fought off her affection, i spotted in the corner of my eye chanyeol staring down my date in confusion. “Sehun?” Chanyeol asked with a completely surprised look.

“Hm?” Sehun asked reluctantly. He didn’t look at chanyeol in the eye when he answered which helped me understand what’s going on perfectly. He’s scared of chanyeol. And there is a high chance of chanyeol trying whip sehun’s ass for going with me to prom. So he has good reason to be. 

“What the fuck!?” Chanyeol said loudly. Sehun looked so uncomfortable trying not to provoke him any more than he’s provoking himself. “Why would you go with her? Aren’t you supposed to be baekhyun’s friend?” Chanyeol asked aggressively. 

“Look. They’re broken up now. get over it.” Sehun looked at him in the eyes finally with an almost cold stare. I sighed before lowering my hands from jayde’s face. This isn’t going to be good. Considering how close he is to baekhyun, this is probably really triggering for him.

“Chanyeol, let it go. Just let him be.” Jayde said in a soft calming voice i didn’t know she had. I nodded in agreement.

Oh, did i forget to say that? Chanyeol has slight anger issues. And when it comes to someone he cares about, there’s no way he isn’t going to get heated.

The huge boy jumped from his seat and grabbed the collar of sehun’s tuxedo and pulled his fist back before sehun pushed him off and a full on fight between the two broke out. I sat there and watched as jayde barged in trying to break them apart.

What a fucking disaster.

The only thing that could make this worst is-

All of a sudden the car came to a hard stop sliding us all to the other side of the limo. I was cushioned by the seats while everyone else had a rougher ride. I got up to knock on the partition. “Hey! what the fuck is wrong with you!?”

The door of the limo whipped open and the chauffeur popped his head with an angry expression. I looked at him in complete confusion. 

“Everyone out. now!”

“I refuse!” I said with a pout. How could he put us out like that. No, no, how could he put me out like that!? Im the one who paid for this stupid fucking limo, plus, i wasn’t even participating in that heathen like behavior.

“I said out!”

“Okay, okay!”  Jayde said as she got out first. Chanyeol pushed sehun out of the vehicle while he stepped out too.

I let my face stay in one of annoyance and confusion as i looked at the rude chauffeur. How dare he. “Ugh! At least let me stay i wasn’t even doing anything!” I pleaded.

“No! I would rather go broke then go through another wild prom night. Did your parents not teach you any manners. The hell is wrong with this generation!?”

I scrunched up my face as he pulled me out of the car with his glove covered hand. Sehun grabbed me away from the man with a scowl. “It’s alright we’ll just call an uber.”

“Tch! Good fucking luck!” The chauffeur yelled at us before hopping in his limo and hauling ass like a maniac.

Loving prom night already.

It’s been about an hour since i arrived and if I'm being honest with myself i haven’t taken my eyes off of the entrance since i walked in here. I can’t help but want to see her on the night she used to talk about with me all the time. The one night i always imagined with her. 

But despite that, she’s a snake in a sexy little sheep costume. She never really loved me and i have to remind myself of that when i see her. Which will hopefully be soon. Only so i can prove to myself that i can stay strong. She’s not good for me. And neither is mae but that’s another story for another day.

“Baekhyunniee!” Mae squeaked as she jumped up to throw her arms around my neck.

“Hey...”

“Are you having a good timee?”

“You could say that. Where have you been?” i asked cutely even though i didn’t really care.

“Oh, you knowww, here and there. Want something to drink?”

I hummed a response and looked away. I wish i cared more about how suspicious she was just now. If it was gina i would have pressed more.

Speak of the devil.

I caught her eyes as she waltzed in like some kind of angel. I bit my lip when  i looked from her head to the end of her dark red dress. I always loved that color on her. I sucked in breath and tried my best to look away but those slits that show her soft thighs are driving me crazy. What i would give to just fu-

“Oh, look what the cat dragged in.” Mae said as she roughly handed me my cup.

“Thanks.”

The girl snagged my hand dragged me in the direction gina and sehun were standing. I have to admit they look together. Saying that to myself will keep me from strangling him. I think.

“Oh! Genie you cameee!” Mae said with fake surprise. I rolled my eyes and gently pulled my hand out of hers only to have her swing my arm around her shoulders.

Gina smiled and touch sehun’s arm lightly. “Well of course, how could i not? I would never miss the biggest night of my life.”

“Well, i just thought since you lost one thing very important to you already. You might lose something else tonight. It might have been better to stay home.”

The beautiful girl in red cocked one eyebrow and tilted her head. “Poor poor maeline. If you want to be prom queen you could have just said so. I would have let you have it gladly. But only after you take out of my cold dead manicure.”

Gina bumped shoulders with mae before walking away with sehun’s hand in hers. “Hm, i bet she thinks she’s got it in the bag. But i know for sure she won’t win.” Mae smirked and lifted her drink to her mouth.

“Do you know....who will?” i asked only to see if she’ll say what im thinking.

“Me of course.” 

I knew it. “Mae, d-did you tamper with the votes?”

“Maybe. Don’t worry baekhyunnie, you’re still prom king.” She said with a wink.

Well shit.

“here.” Sehun spoke while handing me a red plastic cup.

“Thanks. I'm sorry you had to see that.” I took a sip of my drink thinking about how he must think im a monster like baekhyun now.

“No, no, it’s no big deal. That girl deserves to be told off a thousand times. If i were you i would have clocked her by now.”

“Well, with all that being said, it did hurt figuring out that someone i thought was  my friend really wasn’t. And because of the weird way i react to being hurt, baekhyun thinks im some fucked up psycho and not only that but im almost positive maeline’s parents are in the process of a divorce.”

“Goddamn. The hell did you do?”

I stared at him with emotionless eyes. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Alright, alright. I won’t press.”

We looked away from each other and stopped talking completely. Maybe i should have just told him what i did. My eyes locked on the dance floor as everyone there smiled brightly and danced about. They look so carefree. I want that.

“Sehun? Are you a dancer?” I asked before taking another sip of my drink.

“Not really.” He spoke with a shy smile.

I looked at him while returning the smile, then looked back to the dance floor. I could faintly hear sehun talk to me before i zoned out on baekhyun. He sported a black suit, no tie, and his dress shirt was opened just enough so you could see his perfect chest peeking out. I held my breath when he smiled. He looks so good tonight. How can i control myself with him looking like that?

“Gina?” Sehun called my name noticing i wasn’t paying attention. I hummed a response but kept my eyes on baekhyun the whole time. Finally, the dazzling boy locked eyes with me from afar. At this point, i tuned out everything else but him. He’s the only thing i can see, and i don’t hate it.

He smirked at me when i looked at his chest. He cocked one eyebrow to provoke me more and i chuckled a bit into my hand. I watched him leave the dance floor and walk closer to the table me and my date are seated at. I straightened up and put my hands in my lap trying to keep my composure. 

“Could i possibly steal your date?”

I looked at sehun’s face with a slight surprise in my eyes. I had no idea he was going to ask that. Sehun looked from baekhyun to me like he was thinking hard on the situation. Now that we’re here like this i feel like an asshole because im not going to hesitate to get up and leave with baekhyun even though i came here with sehun. I wish i could stop the strong hold he has on me. But then again, maybe i just don’t want to. 

Sehun looked upset by this but nodded again like before. He exhaled and closed his eyes before reluctantly saying, "No reason to ask my permission. She was always yours anyways."

He looks defeated and it's my fault. I shouldn't have come here with him. Baekhyun gently slid his hand in mine before pulling me up out of my chair and leading us out of the room the prom is being held in. I looked back at sehun until the crowd blocked my view of him. I messed up with him, but i have to follow my heart. We entered the empty hall silently, walking with a lot of words on our chests. Baekhyun stopped walking to turn towards me with his eyes glistening with emotion. I’m sure mine looked just the same.

"Okay. there are obvious feelings between us still. Even after everything." I said wanting to lead the conversation instead of him.

"Hard ones." He added softly.

"So, I'm just going to give up and say it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being such a bitch, I'm sorry for the way i treated you and everyone else. Im so sorry for reacting the way i did when i heard the rumor. If only i knew how to not react to being hurt with trying to hurt, things would have been different."

"Im sorry too. Im sorry for not noticing. And I'm so sorry for agreeing to go to prom with mae. I just thought if i did it would make up for the things she was going through after what you did."

"It was my fault. I should have fixed it myself. I feel terrible for putting you in that position. I'm trouble. I don't understand why you ev-"

"Hey, you're the best kind of trouble. We all have our problems, But you wouldn't be you without them, and i only want you."

I stared at him before my eyes got heavier and our lips were pulling each other closer like magnets. It feels so good to get everything off my chest. It feels so good to not hide anymore, or have to put up a strong front. With him, i can be myself and that makes me happy. And not just my head, but my heart too. isn't that all people ask for? His right hand slid into the slit of my skirt and i slid my hand in the opening of his dress shirt. I could feel his heart beating faster the farther he got up my thigh. I think it's adorable. If i couldn't feel it with my hands i would have never guessed that i make his heart race like this. 

"Baby, baby. I have something to tell you. You know, while we're getting things out in the air." He spoke between kisses.

"And what is that?" I asked while unbuttoning his shirt more for my satisfaction.

"Maeline tampered with the prom queen votes." He said reluctantly.

"Oh yeah, i know." I said, now sliding my hands down his torso. 

"Wait you-"

"Who do you think i am baekhyun? There's almost nothing i don't know when it comes to the goings on in my fucking school." He smiled with an impressed look on his face and bit my smiling bottom lip. "Now, let's go to the infamous abandoned party planning room and forget about prom for tonight."

"I fucking love you." He whispered while excitedly pushing his forehead into mine. 

"I love you too baekhyun."

I have a strong feeling that’s going to be the last time i see gina while she’s not with baekhyun. Actually that’s wrong, he’s always going to have her heart. I know because i can feel it in mine. Something else i know is that they aren’t coming back. Which suhcks. I exhaled deeply. Just calm down sehun, Tonight was good enough for now, Your timing was just a bit off. Next time it’ll work out. Yeah next time.

“Okay prom goers! It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for! Time to announce the prom king and queen!” The young history teacher yelled through the microphone.

I hope baekhyun doesn’t get it. 

Yeah, i said it.

“Drumroll please!” 

I looked around the room for any sign of the two only to find a smirking maeline. I wonder if she even noticed her date is gone. She finally started to look around the room and i quickly turned my head so she won’t come this way. But, to no avail, i could hear her heels clapping this way aggressively. 

“Where! the hell! is baekhyun!?” She yelled at my side profile.

“I wish i knew.” 

“Oh, you know. Now tell me! Before they call my name!”

Her name?

“Dude, if i knew, which i don’t, i would tell you.”

“And this year's prom queen and king arrreee!”

“Tell me, damn it!” She yelled louder as if that was going to change anything as she roughed up my tux. I'm not saying i would hurt a woman. But if i was a girl, maeline could catch these hands. 

“Gina hwang and byun baekhyun!” The history teacher yelled again excitedly. 

I clapped along with everyone else while mae’s grip on me loosened. She looked pale with confusion and i snorted up a laugh before trying my best to hold it down. She thought she was going to win.

“Congradulations! Come on up heree!”

“Looks like tonight is just not your night maeline.” Her face changed expressions quickly and her eyes watered fast. She stomped her foot and i put my hand on her shoulder.

“Byun baekhyun!? Gina hwang!?” The teacher looked around n confusion.

“Come on. I’ll buy you some ice cream, you snakey bitch.” 

Maeline sniffled and nodded her head with a pout as she moved my hand off her shoulder. For some reason, she looks kind of...cute.

“No seriously, where is baekhyun and gina?!”

AUTHORS NOTE : Haiii! im sorry it took so long to give you this one shot! but it;s here finally and i hope you enjoyed it. I hope you think of my appreciation for all your love and support when you read this! Also any sehun x gina shippers send me something if you want an alternate ending. *wink wink* 

Kissesss <3333 lailaa ~

[aggresivelyfriendly]

~Meet Me In The Hallway~

 Huge shout out to @emulateharry And @nocontrolforlouis for their eagle eyes and cheerleading!! 

 Chapter 4- Detour

I thought about Harry everyday while I was home, a month in someone’s bed could do that. That was the sadness of geography.It was the worst the first week home, when I hadn’t heard from him and my sleepless nights were full of reverie. I, surprisingly, missed tour.

When my brother had first broached, well, insisted, that I go on tour with him, I had looked at the months-long break scheduled between April and June with relish. I was excited to get home and check in with my friends from secondary school. I had plans and I was ready to tell them all about my big gap year adventure.

But being home was not nearly as exciting as I had hoped it would be. I didn’t have as many friends to share with as I thought and many of the things I mot wanted to share, I could not. When we had first left for the road, I had been excited, but nervous and unsure. I'd sat on that first plane and wondered if I would not be better off in Australia, going straight to university. The first several days on tour, maybe the first weeks had been exhausting and overwhelming and exhilarating. And I had loved it. I missed the people and the crew and the band. And I missed Harry.

Truth was, that I had underestimated how much of my day revolved around the time I spent with Harry. I'd wake up, often in his bed and lately, wrapped in his increasingly inked arms. He'd groan in my ear about being exhausted until I brow beat him out of bed and he got in the shower. I'd order his breakfast then, our breakfast, his black coffee and my milky tea, that he'd grumble about, rashers and eggs if he was hungry, oatmeal and egg whites if he was listening to Mark. I gauged his mood and made his order based upon that.

I'd wait for him to get dressed and we would eat together on the couch in his suite before I scrounged up clothes which were usually my own mixed with his. Then he'd walk me to the door and kiss my forehead when he hugged me goodbye, as though there was more that a couple hours that separated us.

I'd wander across the hallway, ignoring the sock and the scantily-clad girl often in my brother's bed. I'd shower and go out to see wherever we were. Since our conversation about what Harry felt he was missing, I’d try to see whatever city we'd been in through his eyes. My phone would buzz often with his random thoughts and horrible jokes. And I'd send him pictures of the places I went, trying my best to experience the place for both of us.

In Glasgow, the second time around, I sent him snapshots of Buchanan Street and selfies from the Art Lover's house. His reactions were wonderful. He would send back pictures of his silly faces. When I showed him the pub I was sat in he made a pun

“Hey where did my Glas Go?” He wrote.

So I sent him a picture of my boisterous response with the caption, “People are staring at me!”

“Course they are” He returned. And it made heart flutter. It was flirty and I couldn’t reckon whether I should chalk it up to his personality, or the way we related to each other now, or, my hope, something more.

His respones were more than flirty. They carried an air of jealousy.

“Ah, I’ve always wanted to go there…” One read as I walked the cobbled royal mile. I knew that.

“Have a black russian for me!”

“Gross!” Was my caption as I dutifully sent a picture back to him of me swilling the vodka back.

“Really?” his disbelief was full.

“I don’t like alcohol, really.” I returned. He knew that, I thought.

“Well, you have to like it in Scotland. It’s a rule. I’m surprised you aren’t being forced to drink whiskey. I’ve wanted to try that too, have some for me.” He hadn’t mentioned whiskey before and I was going to count my dues paid.

I wanted to tell him these were not the places I would choose, but where I thought he'd want to go. I would have seen the cathedral's stained glass, not the drinks from some pub on Buchanan Street. In Dublin, I went to the Guinness factory, though I loathed the dark brew, because he and Niall had blathered on about it on the ride back to the hotel one time.

After my Harry inspired tours. I'd join the boys at the arena. I'd do the crazy hair the boys favored, with enough hairspray to hopefully withstand their water fights and try to even out their skin tones before they told me to fuck off. The water fights seemed to be a catching affliction. The 1D boys had started them too, and Lou was bemoaning her fate as she watched them destroy her work side stage. I heard the ‘fuck’s sake’ under her breath and chuckled. I’d given up that fight.

While my brother warmed up the crowd who made it early enough to catch them, I’d stay backstage. I told myself that I had watched them a lifetime's worth. I'd watch Harry ride around on a Segway, imagining his front to my back. I missed the length of him against me when the sun was out and more as it waned.  

What would it feel like to have his front pressed to my back in daylight while we squealed and chased Niall around?

Then during my favorite part of the day, I'd watch the big show. I knew my focus always drifted to Harry from side stage, but I figured no one was watching me, except him. He'd occasionally give me a smirk or wink, and I suppressed the thrill it would give me.

On the way back, I'd pretend to try to ride back with my brother and his band, but was easily convinced to ride with the British lads instead. Usually squished in, thigh and shoulder next to the boy who I spent most of my time preoccupied about. We'd go our separate ways then, until I was kicked out, or as was happening more often lately, I'd wander down or across or through the hallway to his door. He'd order room service and we'd talk, or watch a movie, cuddle or sleep.

Going to sleep in Harry's bed had become the best part of my day when his light snores began as soon as his head hit the pillow. I swore sometimes just the act of leaning towards the pillow put him out. His breath would rustle my hair. My days of sleeping on the other side of the bed had ended before they'd really begun. Now I smelled his shower gel and minty breath all night, and could kick off the unnecessary blanket. I didn't need any additional help staying warm. Harry's t-shirt and body heat did that plenty well.

I thought about all these things in my own bed and wished I was back there. Those were the some of the things I was missing during the break. After my serious jet lag wore off, I found it took ages to fall asleep at night. The first two days I woke up confused and alone, but I'd slept like the dead. A day of travel took three days to recover from, and I thought of the next tour legs with dread, and wonder. That first normal night home, as I was restless and cold and the bed beside me, the single bed that had no room to share, still felt big and empty. The next legs of the tour involved some horrid flights, but they also meant a shared bed. I hoped at least.

There was no telling what it would be like when we got back, what the European dates would mean,maybe Harry would have found a girlfriend, a real one, where there was no space between the two words, where there was no pause before going to bed. The kisses on the foreheads were replaced by lips and tongue and the cuddling was not mildly arousing, but a precursor to more.

I'd felt it once, well, more than once, really. But those were mostly in the morning. Those could be written off, I thought. I'd heard a lot of jokes about morning wood, being the only girl in a smelly van with grotty boys driving across vast distances, then sharing buses and hotel rooms would instruct anybody in their dirty ways. I think sometimes it was just biology. There had been a couple of times, once or twice, that I tried not to think of, when it hadn't been morning.

Once, it had been after a rom-com, my choice, on the couch, and a shared plate of fries. There had been a bit of a food fight and Harry had wound up pressing me down into the bed. His slim thighs notching between my own as he forced salty potatoes into my laughing mouth.

"Eat it!" he'd ordered. "I dare you to tell me they have better fries down under."

I'd shook my head, pushing against him, but he was so much stronger and inches taller, so I just kept my mouth shut. When he had reached up to tickle my sides, the battle had been lost, and the fries and his fingers had found my mouth.

"Eat em," his command was softer then, and I'd complied, a little out of breath myself. My lips had closed around his fingers, sucking the salt as he pulled them away. I'd chewed the mushed fries and become conscious of where he was pressed into me, along me.

He seemed aware too, or his anatomy was. I could feel him, thick and growing against my heat. It felt different to when I'd fumbled in the back of cars after dates. It felt better.

"Good?" He'd asked, retracting his hips and coloring pink.

I'd nodded, not trusting my voice and let him excuse himself to the bathroom. My mind had followed him in there, and I'd used my limited knowledge to fill in my imagination's wish. I closed my eyes and watched him stroke himself and bit my own lip as I hoped he bit his. My hand wandered over my breast and my right palm had slid down over the soft cotton of his t-shirt I was wearing.

But, the bathroom door had opened too soon and I'd spent the night frustrated. I'd curled my body into Harry's andhe fell asleep even faster  found myself wriggling like a fish on a hook. I nearly straddled his leg. But the thought of explaining myself, of why I was riding his thigh, kept me to myself. And the humid feel between my legs finally faded enough for me to sleep.

Another night, I'd woken to a firm friction along my backside and stretched back into it. I could tell Harry was still asleep, so I catalogued the feel of him. He murmured in his sleep and said my full name, one he never had used before. It slipped from his mouth. "Melody," he breathed into my hair. I was so charged up, surprised maybe, that I had to get up and go to the bathroom, I sat on my hands in the cold bathroom and forbid myself from touching between my legs in his presence.

He was dreaming, and I was the only girl he was around. I told myself this and more - that he hadn't been laid in months, because he was spending his time with me; that we had developed a friendship, but he was a 19 year old boy wrapped around a nearly 19 year old girl, and his physiology overruled his sense. He was sleeping, it meant nothing.

Except to me.

I missed all these things about him.

It was the end of our first week home when I heard from Harry.

My phone buzzed with a picture of his new bedroom in his new London house. “I think I hate sleeping alone here," he said.

"I can’t sleep either," I'd replied.

"Course not. It's morning for you."

"No, last night. Doofus."

"You just miss sleeping with me."

I tried to cover my blushing response with my usual armor of humor. "That's the thing, I figured I'd be able to catch up on all that sleep your snoring robbed me of."

"You love it."

I scoffed to hide my blush, because, oh god, I did.

[heroesandvillainsofmbti]

ESTP: Jadzia Dax, “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine”

ESTP – the Adventurer, the Dynamo, the Promoter

Jadzia Dax doesn’t suffer as much from the inner angst of her moody friends on DS9. She’s a generally upbeat, adventurous young woman who just happens to carry the wisdom of the ages inside her. Even being over 300 years old, she still has room to grow, in all the ways you’d expect a happy yet impulsive ESTP to grow. Our time with her was too short, but a hell of a lot of fun.

Dominant Function: (Se) Extraverted Sensing, “The Kitchens”

Jadzia starts her mornings with a wrestling match and an alcoholic drink called a black hole. She plays Tongo with Ferengi and fights bat’leth duels with Klingons. She drags her mopey friend Kira into costumed adventures and spa getaways in the holosuites.

She pilots the Defiant, briefly becomes its captain, and goes on any away mission that needs someone smart, alert, and brave. When she’s thrown back in time to 21st-century Earth, she sizes up her situation immediately upon waking and bluffs her way into a comfortable home and resources to find her friends.

She throws a legendary bachelorette party, and won’t let her stuffy fiance or in-laws kill the vibe.

One of Jadzia’s biggest responsibilities as a Trill host is to provide new experiences for the symbiont. Each host should add something unique to the collection of memories and lifetimes they’ll pass on. Looking back is not allowed, and the couple of times Jadzia does—going on a mission of vengeance with old Klingons she knew when she was Curzon, or rekindling a romance with a woman whose previous host was her wife when she was Torias—she gets into trouble.

Which is not to say that Jadzia never uses her past lives to her advantage. Tobias’ engineering skills, Emony’s gymnastic abilities, Curzon’s talent for cultural engagement, and more all make up parts of her arsenal. She shares stories and memories from her previous hosts, but she’s rarely sentimental or nostalgic, or looking back on those experiences to define herself in the present. By contrast, when she’s temporarily taken over by one of the telepathic spheres in “Dramatis Personae,” she turns into a parody of an old man who’s constantly taken out of the moment by rabbit trails of reminiscing.

Even her vengeance quest and rekindled romance are basically impulsive moves based on what she wants to do in the moment. Her friends try to talk sense and caution to her, but Jadzia won’t be stopped. She jumps into a relationship with a man whose planet is about to disappear for 80 years, and decides to resign her commission to go with him. It only doesn’t work because she isn’t correctly in phase with his planet. When Worf joins the crew, she’s immediately smitten, and once she gets his attention, they get to business with destructive enthusiasm.

She’s the one who suggests they get married, seizing the opportunity as they’re about to part ways during a Dominion attack. They’re in the middle of a war, after all. Who knows what will happen next?

Auxiliary Function: (Ti) Introverted Thinking, “The Laboratory”

Jadzia’s a swift problem-solver with a curious mind. She makes the crucial suggestion in the first episode that helps Chief O’Brien move the station from Bajor to the wormhole. Paired up, Dax and O’Brien can fix, solve, and create just about anything—they’re virtually unstoppable once Rom joins them.

Jadzia serves as DS9’s Chief Science Officer (a title not officially held by any other leading character in the franchise except Spock), and her skills are kind of a catch-all of all things science-y. She seems to do fine with astrophysics, biology, anthropology—you name the anomaly or artifact, and she can figure it out. Considering she has seven previous lifetimes behind her, that’s not too surprising, I suppose. Even as an unjoined initiate, Jadzia sounds like she was an intellectual overachiever (and an introvert; I suspect she was IXTP).

Jadzia also wields a biting and clever sarcasm that she uses to deflate many a tense situation or pompous personality. This can annoy her Feeler husband, who wishes she would act more appropriately. Sisko chews her out for it when she gets a little too snippy during their siege within the crashed Jem’Hadar ship.

When her mother-in-law-to-be torments her by making her memorize and recite their Klingon house’s noble history, Jadzia does her research and gleefully reveals the legends to be a pack of lies.

Tertiary Function: (Fe) Extraverted Feeling, “The Garden Fountain”

Jadzia doesn’t care much for ceremony. She resists Worf and his family’s insistence on formal traditions and grueling tests of honor. This almost ruins the wedding, until Sisko advises the “Old Man” that she kind of needs to grow up and be humble for Worf’s sake.

At the same time, Jadzia cares very much for her friends, often to the point of meddling. She loves gossiping with Kira about their love lives and trying to get her to date more exciting specimens. She’s always available to give sage counsel to her old friend Benjamin, whom she mentored in her previous life. She pranks Odo by moving the furniture in his quarters a centimeter this way or that, which is really just her way of getting him to loosen up.

When she gets to meet her previous hosts through her friends’ bodies, Jadzia reveals she’s still insecure about getting dropped from the initiate program the first time around, and needs reassurance from Curzon that she’s still worthy of being a Dax.

Jadzia shows a surprising amount of tolerance for other cultures like the Klingons and Ferengi. She joins Quark and his friends for games and drinks, and fits right in. She encourages the Fi-dom Kira to be less quick to judge, and accept the Ferengi for who they are (she does draw the line, and harshly, when Quark starts selling weapons). She takes the same approach with Klingons, joining their crews and their quests on more than one occassion. She’s pretty much accepted as a Klingon by everyone except Worf’s adoptive mother-in-law. At least, until she apologizes.

Inferior Function: (Ni) Introverted Intuition, “The Labyrinth”

Jadzia acts best on the spur of the moment, and despite her centuries of life experience, has difficulty thinking through the consequences of her impulses. She really shouldn’t be allowed to come back to work after slaughtering people on her Klingon revenge mission, but Sisko gives her a pass with one raised eyebrow. She initiates her marriage with Worf, but would rather leave the planning to him.

Once she’s married to Worf, however, she starts thinking about their future together. They decide to make a baby, and go through medical tests and procedures to make it happen. She even consults a Bajoran Orb for spiritual guidance.

Quark and Bashir sadly reflect that this means the marriage is going to last for a long time.

Unfortunately, they’re wrong, but that’s Dukat’s fault, not theirs. Jadzia’s last words to her love express her certainty that their children would have been beautiful.