#i love using this like my diary i really just do | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

corneater3000 · 1 year

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there has been a ton of grief around this part of my life and the current things that are in transition but i have learned so much these past couple of months and leaned into myself/spirit to such a deeper level than i’ve even felt capable of accessing these past few years and i think when the dust settles i will look back on these days as the beginning of something huge and wonderful

#this new phase of my life where i have some s p a c e to cook up something delectable to share with this world >:)#i’m doing things i couldn’t have done even a month ago #i’m entering uncharted territory… with hope ! with curiosity! with the knowledge that whatever comes next will bring me closer to myself #and isn’t that the goal #okay i’m done ranting on tumblr dot com for tonight #i love using this like my diary i really just do

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puppyeared · 10 months

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Jitterbug

#whenever my meds kick in it feels like im gonna piss myself. not literally but its really really feels like it #and now whenever that happens my mind goes back to pancho (grandmas dog) at a xmas party years ago #bc he peed when we arrived bc he was so excited to see ppl and my cousin had to clean it up :o)#well for better or for worse i know that feeling now when im pumped on 20mg of adderall #im still getting used to this whole diagnosis thing cause ive gone untreated and undiagnosed for the longest time. so theres probably a lot #i still dont know and have to learn to get myself to be.. functional on my own? self managing????#i even set up reminders on my phone for work periods meals and stuff. but the problem is actually getting myself to stick to that to a T #because the minute i slack off or something gets in the way it throws it all off until i can be bothered to get back on track. it sucks #at least ive built up other habits like writing notes and setting alarms ahead of time.. but i feel like i could do better #its always hard to change something if youve been doing it wrong for the longest time. especially behaviour and thinking patterns. sigh #in other news my glasses bailed on me so i have to get a new pair sometime. i just realized i never draw my sona with glasses but thats #mostly bc i forget. id love to get some browline glasses like my old pair but im picky and its hard to find one id like for the next 5 year #i also finally managed to collect all the fish in my animal crossing file!!! pulled out a char last week and boom now i have a poster :o)#THAT was a moment where i almost peed myself for real. id love to get all the bugs but i cant stay up late on the switch :o(#yapping #my art #myart #doodles #personal #diary

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 1 year

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ah yes! the joys of executive dysfunction and something being Fundamentally Broken In Your Braincase!

#quick vent Look Away Nothing To See Here #i just needed to place my emotions somewhere before i really started to spiral #texts from cherished friends should not cause nausea-level anxiety! and yet!#here i am! running away from the ever-present miasma of guilt and stress!#you know a few months ago i was like 'im going to be better about responding im going to do better'#i Immediately started doing Worse!#i think i stressed myself out too much #pretty much every relationship i have ends up completely deteriorating due to my own insecurities and guilt and fucked up brain <3 #ah yes and how could i forget the Commitment Issues and Emotional Block #mentally i am banging my head into a wall #but its fine Its Fine #i mean its not. its really not. but sometimes it seems like the harder i try the harder i fail #which is something i should be used to by now!#okay so it looks like i Am Indeed spiraling so #i am going to go... list some good things in this world and uhhh #well i dont have the car this weekend so cant go for a drive and some boba. um.#i need to organize my room table Yes that sounds distracting and falsely productive #not gonna tag this with anything actually.#love treating tumblr like my personal diary #ah yes its just me. my personal feelings. and the couple thousand people that follow me.#perhaps i will also buy something online with one of the gift cards i found the other day #buttons from michaels!!! i need buttons! i will go do that!#with the knowledge that i have unopened messages to respond to looming in the back of my mind like a noose! yippee yahoo!!!#gonna... turn of replies/rbs just this once since its just a Vent #i just needed to get it Out yk? not looking for anything other than relieving pressure on my brain #ok it looks like i cant turn of replies for individual posts #just... pretend you didnt see this for both our sakes <3 #look away look away

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icewindandboringhorror · 6 months

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More misc. daily life pictures and such

#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1 & 2 - Very bright pretty looking sky !#2. HUGE icicle that looked like you could kill someone with it or something.. Pulled from near a gutter on the side of a building #3. & 4 & 5 - various images from a silly party I had where I pretended to be some elf king turning like 204 years old lol (also not like #a REAL party. Only my roommates were there really and we're all in the same household bubble.#just to clarify. I would never dare have a large party anyway given #my hermitous nature but on top of that.. didn't want there to be some implication that I'm having a Party while covid is still ongoing lol.#NEVER.. But I do love dressing up as some fantasy character so much.. The only thing that could ever bring a true hermit wizard #to engage with others socially is the prospect of connecting it somehow to fantasy worlds and costumes lol. One must simply dress up #as a silly 200 year old man from time to time and pretend you've never seen a balloon before in your life. etc.#6. bapy boye... feets #7. The main food that I made for the elderly elf man 'party'. which was a Deconstructed Beef Wellington (kind of as ajoke since I watch s #o many silly cooking competition shows and they always make stuff 'deconstructed' at the last minute when under time limits or whatever.)#I've wanted to make beef wellington a few times but Ithink to do it well I'd need like..an actual kitchen and a lot of time and #an oven that fully works to bake things and etc. etc. So I thought this would be an easier method. A thick steak cut round to kind of mimi #c the round tenderloin or whatever it is in a wellington. instead of the puff pastry being wrapped around - I just did star shaped cut outs #of pastry and baked them and put them on top (to go with the star theme). instead of mushroom duxelles being wrapped around in pastry #its in a little circle under the steak. and instead of mustard being brushed onto the meat I made a mustard gravy sauce type of thing #Then of course asparagus on the side.. my favorite... Though I know some wellington #also has a layer of prosciutto I think. or I saw one person use crepes. I didn't feel it was necessary to incorporate that too lol #8. bapy son helping me do a giant puzzle that took me hours and I had no idea it was actually that large of a puzzle #until I started putting it together and for some reason it made me stressed by the end instead of relaxed lol.. puzzle fatigue #photo diary

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spiriiitt · 2 months

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Listening to Let Go by BTS while being sad about minecraft diaries is crazy bc actually fuck off

#aphblr #aphverse #aphmau #mcd #aphmau minecraft diaries #minecraft diaries #this is so fucked #i love minecraft diaries so close to my heart #I need to make a post word vomitting about my headcanons sometime #i will do that soon #i don't like diverging from canon too much #so most my headcanons are more about small things I notice line up #but that are never really confirmed in canon #like levin definitely being garroths biological son #obvious lowk by how levins mother asks abotu garroth #and jsut can't remember that bc early season they're jst gaining conciousness again in the area around pd #yk #anyways #i used mcd lowk #and pdh #to cope with my dads death during late 2017 #and also bts since i got into bts just before my dad died #so it's a weird mesh of coping methods coming together years later #esp since i've been getting into both again lately #and working on my yr12 major work on grief and how i deal with it in my everday life #that's crazy #i need to finish all 6 of my artworks this weekend and week pray for me #it's 2 hours until sunday so really i have a day #fuck #i spent too much time drawing fanart and playing dauntless

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cowardlycowboys · 2 months

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“Slut your wrists! Kill yourself! then you post a selfie saying “Don’t want to smile feel weird about it” as a desperate attempt to get compliments. You’re in your mid twenties doing all this😭 Grow up you’re not a teenager anymore. 30 is closer than ever and you’re breaking down because someone asked if you cry a lot? Someone mentions your jowls and you freak out. You tell them to kill themselves. People your age are Mothers. You might not have any but act your age. Geez.

my dick must taste fantastic for how far you're throating it

#I'm not doing it for attention <3 i literally am just talking and expressing myself <3 my therapist said i can say kill yourself <3 #and if you could read which clearly you can't you would know that they didn't say it to be nice or anything they wanted to hurt my feelings #sorry I'm human and get hurt because i don't like how i look sometimes that's 100% okay dumbass #and you must think I'm stupid to live in utah and not know people are mothers do you think Im oblivious and don't already feel awful #what have you gained from this cause i don't really care what you think i don't care what anyone really thinks I'm not doing anything for #attention i am just using this as my diary and i post a silly lil selfie when i go to therapy but clearly you don't know that #i literally am around children all day i know what is like to be a mom what do you know tho?#i actually REALLY hate when people compliment me when I'm just saying i don't like something is really annoying I'm just being polite #but you think you know everything and love to ride my dick so #anyway have a great day even tho you're really pathetic and i should know cause I'm also really pathetic #also can't spell 🫵 think you said something important 🫵

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toastsnaffler · 2 months

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genuinely so devastating to finish my flcl rewatch and pull up the tumblr tag confident that everyone else is also down cataclysmic for haruko and posting abt it but *crickets*

#I THOUGHT IT WAS REALLY POPULAR ON HERE.... WHAT THE HELL GUYS #appreciate all the artbook stuff and the handful of fanartists but other than that its so dead its so over 😭😭😭😭#and most of the posts abt her are like 'shes such a terrible person but fun character other than that!' STFU. POSER #her selfishness and apathy and singleminded drive is literallt what makes her so fucking hot whats so hard to understand #a woman is headstrong n decisive n doesnt care abt ending the world for her ambitions n suddenly ur like ohhh devotion is baaaad #move aside gayboy im gonna get it id let use me in whatever scheme she needs thr fact shed only pretend to care abt me is even better 🥴#i love physically violent women i love being smacked with bass guitars hi hello im right here 😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚#wheres that post thats like i dont even have mommy issues i just think its hot to be a womans pet LITERALLLYYYY #god i need to draw her 5 million times but i wont have any free time until at least tues.....so sad #wait for me babygirl...... i wont forget abt u #we would have the most toxic relationship ever it would be awful for everyone in a 50 mile radius people would die #fake manic pixie dream girl fans when a girl with real mania comes at them:#ANYWAY RANT OVER i need to get my shit together for work tmr #also my chocolate orange cake turned out sooooo good i need to use this recipe again sometime #feeling way better plus i didnt even fully crash i just had like an hour or two of turbulence. but i do need to start winding down for bed #soooo goodnight everyone... and haruko especially.......#.diaries #flcl

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no27-autonation-honda · 1 month

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another weekend, another job rejection!

#and now no more positions are open to apply to! for now at least. some more will probably drop soon. fuck i hope so.#love just. being fucking unable to even make it into the interview phase for my extraordinarily lofty career goal #Of Working In A Fucking Library #just. so thrilled.#kazoo noises #anyway tomorrow morning i have to find a time to talk to my rabbis bc if i dont figure shit out i have to pick between becoming jewish or #graduating on time and i have fucking NO ONE i can talk to this about and ive used up like all of my good will in all of my personal #relationships already and i am So Fucking Sick of feeling mean and petty and evil all the time but my options are either fucking smile and #be noticeably fake optimistic when i get called on my bullshit or burn like all three of my last remaining bridges #i just dont see why i cant even make it to interviews. like i can accept not being the right fit or whatever. but like. it really kinda is #everyone but me whos employed by now.#man. like listen. its not my professors fault. i get that i've got her in a bad position.#but she said ''sometimes we have to pick between sources of joy'' like MAN--#do NOT speak to me about that. absolutely the FUCK not.#you! are employed and have been in this field for over a decade and i work in a grocery store with no sign of luck changing.#i need to be in this section bc 1) im not fucking doing academia with a gun pulled on me #2) i need to actually get some kind of professional experience since its clear i can't actually get a job on merit so i guess i will pay to #go further into debt #anyway no one is around to talk to me about this and i hate bitching to my friends about how fucking hopeless i feel all the fucking time s #everyone please look away from my diary posting and think of me as sexy and fun and bubbly <3333 #like. its literally no ones fault so i should not be this fucking resentful.#and yet.#yeah im probably not getting classed as a good person for another several years. shame. ive always wanted to be good.#library travails

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blagueofchaos · 6 months

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I made a new header and icon! There were lots of great ones in the tags but I had a Vision and decided to go for it, and I'm really pleased with how they turned out. Well, admittedly the edit on the header is a liiittle janky, but that was kind of intentional with the half-baked 2000s-y vibe I was going for, really. Feel free to use them on your blog as long as you credit me :)

#I mean I don't want to be weird about the credit thing but like a shoutout would be nice so I can know if anybody uses them yanno?#a reblog or whatever #Stelena #Delena #I have a stelena header and a delena icon to show that I contain multitudes. hehe #stelena header #delena icon #Stefan Salvatore #Elena Gilbert #Damon Salvatore #TVD 4x07 #for the icon and #TVD 2x20 #for the header. Mostly picked that scene for the mountains honestly #I like Stelena but I love the Blue Ridge Mountains #but yeah I loved the vibe of my old header+icon but it was time for a new fandom update. now that my obsession has pretty solidly shifted t #the Vampire Diaries #I think I do like Delena more of the two but I also think it would be nice if they could work out a thing with all three of them #again not in an incest way just in a taking turns & sharing way #anyways I think these are really pretty and they give me feels so. job done :)#I've just started season 6 and everything is so depressing. please get happy again murderdeathfilled vampire show

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g0thsoojin · 2 months

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🦴

#im like very much having a crisis right now... i mean to most ppl it isnt that serious lmaoooo #but tbh i am a loser and tumblr is 80% of my life and most of my social life #all social interactions i get are on tumblr ._.#so i dont want to keep alienating myself on it because then im just ruining it for myself and removing the only place #and source of social interaction and attention :/#i personally can not for my life comprehend this because i really dont take other peoplës venting personally #but ever since i started using twitter and tumblr i have ruined so many connections .. by venting on my own account.....#and now.. when i lost and fucked it up with the love of my life... just bc i vented and he interpreted it from his pov..#and got hurt when i wrote things abt being lonely and unwanted WHILE talking to him everyday and having him call me beautiful and care abt m #... i understand why he got hurt and i understand his pov bc it looked like i pulled away and distanced myself and only complained and that #he didnt matter to me when in fact he was EVERYTHING to me and i lived off his attention #i hate that i ruined the best thing i could ever have just bc i have this pathological need to share my every thought #like shut the fuck up... i wish i wouldve shut the fuck up and instead gushed abt how much i liked him which was what i wanted to do #my avpd just made me feel stupid bc when i did he didnt interact with those posts and then i felt embarrassed #which like i know how fucking stupid avpd and bpd makes me and i hate it but i cant stop it #god i regret it so much like my dumb ass blog isnt worth losing him over... it just isnt #only an online connection.. makes it so hard to see bc he only saw my diary where i complain he didnt see everything else :(((#so he thought that he wasnt important to me and then slowly started to detach himself from me (understandably) god i wanna die #so yeah ive started to HATE my main account. bc it has ruined so much for me. plus lately ppl have started being mean #and i get it its the internet ppl suck but i AM so fkn sensitive. and i get sad and hurt really easily #and i feel anxious abt venting bc im scared of getting a mean ask after #like... i feel so fucking alone and idk what to do. all i want to do now is vent vent vent but ive started to feel like venting is bad #and harmful and only ruins my friendships and connections and makes ppl be mean to me #i honestly wish i wouldve stopped venting every thought looooong ago #and that i had a more normal blog and had a secret vent blog and that he didnt read all my miserable posts #bc then maybe.... he wouldve actually understood how much i fkn love him and hadnt looked in other places and now i lost him #bc i really dont blame him bc i know what he is struggling with and seeing me who he cares for so much say those things...#i get it 100% and thats why im so pissed with myself for just not stopping!!!! why cant i stop????? whats wrong with me #i just feel so lonely and like no ones listening but he was listening to me i just had to be brave and go to him #plus all my venting made him think that im like in severe emotional distress every second and that i was too fragile to talk to

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deityofhearts · 8 months

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I collect a lot of stationary for someone who has no reason to use all this stationary

#deity dialogue #I have recently acquired a pretyy lavender coloured highlighter #and it’s like. I don’t take notes I don’t write in my diary anymore because tbh I lost it and it was just. not a vibe maybe I’ll buy a new #one and try and start keeping entires again #I have no use for a planner because let’s be so for real I do not have a life #all I do is go grocery shopping and sometiems thrifting with lex and kait on a whim #I’ll be starting work soon but I set the hours for that job so it doesn’t really require a planner #I want so much to be a cute notes girlie (gender neutral) because I love cute neat things but like #the unmedicated adhd and lack of anything going on in my life prevents this #maybe I’ll buy a planner anyways and pretend #maybe buying a planner is the first step towards making plans #plus like I do have plans this year that me and kait and lex are gonnna start saving money since we all have jobs now so we can hopefully #move by at least the start of 2025 #so ya know what. I will buy a planner #a cute one.

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jeremiahthefroge · 2 months

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yeah ok so I caved. Lit up another bowl, opened a new folder on my Obsidian vault, and I'm gonna rewatch the minecraft diaries and I'm going to take detailed notes on everything plot related I can, separated episode by episode, make observations, and then create a little personal wikipedia of my interpretations of the characters as they appear on the show.

I just did episode one to do what is essentially a "am I capable of watching this" test (I feared since it was 2016 youtube that I was into in the year 2016, a historically terrible year for me, that I would have some HEAVILY BIASED ideas on the quality of this show, and that if I rewatched I would ruin it for myself) and I honestly didn't have too hard of a time with the youtube of it all. Cringe is and has been dead, and I'm looking at this like a fun little excercise in studying how this piece of media tells the story it tells.

Speaking of, I find it so interesting how the machinima of Zenix and Garroth kicks us off and we then have Aphmau speaking as like... a comentary youtuber. The machinima sets up a plot that isn't even hinted more at in the episode, too, but I can see the first 10 or whatever episodes having all been recorded in 1 batch all at once and then cut up. I don't recall how characterized Aphmau gets in this whole thing.

And also I find Aphmau doing the voices for Garroth and Zenix so unironically fun and endears me to the series. Idk why but it made me smile!

I'll probably liveblog more of this experience bc I'm incapable of keeping my mouth shut.

#mcd #minecraft diaries #jeremiahs mcd notes #yeah sure #thats a tag now #ill keep track of it #fuck it #lmfao cringe is dead and i need something to do this summer other than fucking work #and also im like kinda studying this in an academic way so im just gonna ride this one out boys #If this becomes a video essay I make someday I called it now ok #I have always deeply desired to be a video essayist in theory but never felt like there was anything i cared enough about #or felt like id be unique enough in studying to discuss #like i love the works of hbomberguy who makes video essays on pretty specific topics #making new original observations #and i felt like i wouldnt be able to do that for anything “worth” covering #but this was a huge social phenomenon that i was part of that i loved #and now we're all grown up #those kids that watched along #and now some of us really like to study the impacts and implications of art created in social/public spaces #like youtube series #listen dude I am obsessed with the dsmp as a social phenomenon #not particularly the content involved as much bc i just don't really like the style of creators #but the way it came about and evolved was so very interesting to me as somebody who likes to analyze the contexts #social historical political etc #of any given media i consume or that gets popular #here i am also interested in the content bc of my childhood love for it #and my inherent nostalgia #but i also am fascinated in the way the youtube space effected the growth of this series #its a whole thing guys #and i would love to document this set of factors that fascinate me in a really long fucking vieo

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ghosts-of-love · 11 months

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not to be mentally ill but today when i went for a walk in a nature reserve i was climbing a hill and it was cold but so so sunny and everything looked beautiful and i saw so many cool things and i stood there and was like damn what's this feeling in my chest and why am i smiling so much?? my guy,, it's called fucking happiness. i was just present and content in the moment and couldn't contain myself so kept doing the silly arm shake thing i do and grinning at everything and then was like woah what's this feeling. fuckin, happiness dude.