#i love you emptyhalf

[scenetocause]

EMPTYHALF WAKE UP WE NEED UR SCATHING COMMENTARY https://www.tumblr.com/eightyonefour/750440538590920704/oscarpiastri-does-this-count-as-training

i need him in horrendous ways. i am becoming a criminal about oscar jack piastri. he's so utterly mid like objectively it shouldn't be so charismatic to be kind of awkward and look like he doesn't quite know what to do with his face but every time i'm consumed with lust.

making surfing look uncool is a very oscartivity. you ruin it for those beach bitches. do you think he took lando? lando loves going on boats. look oscuh monaco is cool actually, there's stuff you like here. ooh oscar you're a bigger size of wetsuit than me. noo don't pick me up in the water oscar just because i'm small and delicate. ooh oscar you look so manly when you're surfing oscar show me your arms oscar wrap your towel around me too.

[freeuselandonorris]

Just read Siren again because, obviously, and every time I find a new detail which makes me cackle!

The fingernails, the deux moi line…! And as I’ve said before pubes representation is very dear to me.

Are you planning any more girl!Lando stuff? Any particular kinks you want them to explore?

reeeee thank you!

omg the FINGERNAILS. every time i see oscar’s i fuckin wince. and the deuxmoi thing lmaooo i believe that was shortly after the “carlos has a secret love child” rumour broke containment and ended up on there and i found it all so hilarious that i just added that line in purely to amuse myself. i’m glad someone else found it funny too 😭

YES i would love to write more girl!lando! it’ll probably be a while before i get round to it because i’ve completely overloaded myself with WIPs and kinkmeme prompt fills lately, but i definitely plan to revisit this ‘verse.

as for kinks: YES! FISTING! now, emptyhalf dot ao3 is already building up to a DELICIOUS girl!oscar fisting boy!lando in climb up to your lips which i cannot recommend enough, but obviously my rule 63 goes in the other direction and i want to do boy!oscar vaginally fisting girl!lando, and just general sensory overwhelm stuff to do with lando being a total size queen and finding her limits.

ALSO because i have thought so extensively about girl!lando’s body hair, i quite fancy doing some armpit/hair/scent kink with lando growing her pit hair out because she’s sick of getting a deodorant rash and oscar absolutely losing his mind over it. loads of lovely sensory stuff and body worship yum yum yum

ALSO ALSO pegging!!! there are already a few really fucking hot fics along these lines in the landoscar tag, and a throwaway line in @strawberry-daiquiris incredible girl!lando WIP jump right in recently bodied me and made me think about it more. probably lando POV, digging into her accessing her inner toppy side, the feeling of having a dick and how it feels to see oscar suck the strap, yeaaaah i’m gonna write this at some point aren’t i

weeew here ends another chapter of sophie being horny on main, thank you very much for facilitating 🫰

[vroombeams]

For the asks!!!!!!!

🥤 🍬 🔪

Thank u love u!!!!

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love ain't no time here to overthink by anonymous (jondo) the piece i try to find by emptyhalf (mando) side by side in orbit by glasscushion (landoscar/mando) liminal space by miamis (loscar) ode to a conversation stuck in your throat by prettyrotten (galex) pressing buttons by peachbellini (landoscar)

i could go on and on but these are some specific bangers that i go back to repeatedly & regularly sooo we will leave it at that for now

🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character what and get CANCELLED?? what are you trying to do!!! realistically though most of opinions are pretty tepid. somewhat unpopularly i'm not a danny ric enjoyer irl at all even though i like the fandom usage of him in fic etc?? idk is that enough i'm too canadian for this

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project? aside from the one time i went down an ovi rabbithole for a thing that never really came to fruition i guess errrr i've done a lot of injury research??? i now know a lot about the specifics of like. throat slitting and lethal vs non-lethal wounds. i guess. i'm sure there are other stranger things that i've blocked from my mind atp

writer's truth or dare ask game

[hollywoodsargeant]

Uhh yessss please fic recs! I know you’ve got the real good stuff. I don’t even care who it’s about or what happens during I just always need more to read

I'M BACK. WITH MORE. and i'm glad you trust my taste eyeee like to think i have good taste. also i am with you idc who it's about if you can compel me with your summary i will click on it! So. here is some more nonsense

uhh not to be that guy and rec another el oversteerey fic but panties in miami is still one of my favorite fics of ever. liam/oscar/logan is always a win in my book and i recommend every single lol fic el has ever written but This One In Particular... oscar and logan taking turns on liam in a yacht bathroom is so Yeah. for the record if there was no ao3 user dropdeaddeadass there would be no ao3 user miamis. So. do with that information what you will

simply stare but continue to eat by emptyhalf is so. good. loscar with bonus max fewtrell. it's very pwp but if there's one thing about me it's that i am always here for bottom logan...

OH MY GOD hopelessly devoted which is by an anonymous writer but Please. if anyone has not read this fic ever. Read It. for once in my life i will recommend a fic that is not rated explicit it's loscar (immediate win) and it's a prince/knight au which is crazy bc usually i am not into the royalty-type aus but this fic is so good (+ pretty sure this anon wrote this fic as well)

oh no! by indyd guys i love indycar i love indycar fic I LOVE DAVID MALUKAS this is just a cute little marcus/david fic where marcus is a massive fucking idiot. always a win. another writer that i will read anything by

actually i can't believe i've made it that far without saying read daytrippers. does not even matter which fic you read they're all good there is just something about their writing i love. so much? i'll read pretty much Anything they write and there is a 100% chance that something from it will make my gdoc of fic lines that make me lose my mind. but i will recommend the pierre line and sweet nothing specifically

[acrosstobear]

AO3 YEAR IN REVIEW – 2021

the ever lovely Fir @juncosracing was kind enough to tag me in this AO3 year in review, thank you for thinking of me friend 🤍 

Stories Posted: 7, apparently? (+7 mini fics posted on Tumblr that I’m choosing to count here but not anywhere else, if only because some of them are AO3 worthy)

Word Count: 63,968 -- obviously, some of these words are Lauren’s but like. Wow????? there was so much more that i wanted to write in 2021 (and soooo many Google Docs sitting open with half finished thoughts) but for someone who has never published fic before, i’m insanely proud of this, because falling back into writing was incredibly therapeutic and stimulated the creative side of me that i wasn’t all too sure i knew how to use anymore.

Most Kudos: somehow i’m just finding out that serendipity has the most kudos? this is shocking to me? this one started as a long and rambly discord message that i just couldn’t get out of my head. it’s most definitely the fluffiest thing i’ve ever written, and surprisingly enough, there is no explicit relationship (the getting together but only if you squint tag was very appropriate). just soft boys being soft in each other’s sweaters (and realizing that maybe they can have it all :weep:). i’m touched to know it resonated with people, cause in terms of writing, this is the one where i feel like i could still find improvements to make if i were to keep editing.

Longest Story: by far and above, the labour of love that was collegiate affairs at 42,932 words. at least half of those are by @formulaur but we lived this for months together, and it was honestly one of the most challenging things i’ve undertaken. it pushed me to become a better writer, it pushed me to think about world building, it gave me an incredible experience that i got to share with an even more incredible person and co-writer in Lauren. i reread the last couple of chapters (which literally kept me up at night when i was trying to write them, Lauren reassuring me constantly that no, i wasn’t a failure) and i was floored by how much i enjoyed the writing? i couldn’t believe that little old me had written that? beyond insanely happy with how it turned out and the world that we built and the reception it got.

Shortest Story: i tend to ramble in real life so it’s no surprise that my shortest is not that short; isolation comes in at 1,661 words and it also happens to be the fic i wrote in the least amount of time (at 3 am after absolutely losing all coherent thought because of this picture). it definitely captures the unhinged i was feeling when i wrote it, and i mean, who doesn’t love the disaster roommates.

Personal Favorite(s): foundations was my baby, my brain child, my undoing and also my rebirth. i’ve gone back to reread it and while i can definitely see how much i’ve grown since, i can’t help but have such a soft spot for where i began. what i love about this is how this was an idea that just. wouldn’t leave me alone until it was written. it totally took over my life, but in the absolute best way -- i was excited and happy and inspired!!!! the feeling i had when writing this was unmatched, and i like to think that what makes it compelling is that what i was feeling seeped in between the words and flavoured it just a little. anyways. i am a proud mom of this fic.

i have no idea who has not done this, but i’ll tag some of my favourite writers here as well -- @stuckonspidey @schulott @allthefadinglights @formulaur @saintlysebchal feel free to do this (or not) but just know that i absolutely loved reading your work in 2021 ❤️

[suckmyballshoney]

Flo! What would your fics recs for 2020 be? What were the best fics you’ve read? What are must-read fics, fics everyone should read in your opinion and why? You have such an excellent taste when it comes to fics (so does Monti but I don’t wanna send you both the same ask) so I thought I’d ask! 💝 Happy New Year and stay safe!

I TOOK SO LONG TO ANSWER THIS BUT NOW I DO

So, I selected some of my absolute faves of the year, of course I’ve read and loved more but at some point there is no place anymore xD

So this is my list of must-read fics that were written in or during 2020 (in order of me bookmarking them) :

The crowns serie by @verstappened (multiple ships, nsfw)

darling we’re a paradox by @altisssimozucca (Pierre/Daniil)

falling and finding by Directionless_Foray (Charles/Seb, nsfw)

The youtube AU by @verstappened (multiple ships, nsfw)

America by sirius (Alex/George/Lando, nsfw)

toffee by @verstappened (yeah, you again, and I’m not finished)(Dan/Max, nsfw)

The bad baby serie by Directionless_Foray (Seb/Charles, nsfw)

amor (la leche style) by @allthewayabt (Lando/Carlos)

Baby I’ll Rule by @komkommertijd (multiple ships)

Solar Flare by Tianvette (Seb/Jenson, nsfw)

like i did yesterday by neonbreadsticks (Esteban/Checo)

in the end, it’s him and i by @3303andmore (Charles/Max, nsfw)

running blind in the dark, my future’s there by @landonenorris (Lando/Max)

gaining an angel by WafflesAndPancakes (multiple ships, nsfw)

hunger like a storm by @redpaint (multiple Lando ships, nsfw)

somewhere between a minute and a lifetime by @scharletred (Alex/George)

KID by @laeana (Dan/Max)

One Minute by @komkommertijd (Dan/Max)

i love the way your green eyes... by @altisssimozucca (Charles/Max)

The Chaotic Trio AU serie by @3303andmore (multiple ships, nsfw)

coffee, burglars and airplanes (in no particular order) by eliothawke (no ship, Marcus&Callum)

I don’t get drunk, I get less classy and more fun by @bwoahtastic (multiple ships)

Thy neighbors husband by @formula-whine (Charles/Seb, nsfw)

Treacherous by Wellthisdidntgotoplan (Alex/Charles)

crack the shutters open wide by @altisssimozucca (Charles/Max)

The day that you eat thereof by sashajay (Lance/Checo)

tear me to pieces by @komkommertijd (no ship)

paint it, black by @verstappened (Dan/Max, nsfw)

postcards from places that miss you by streetlightsky (Seb/Charles)

The We’ll take it slow serie by @fireessie (Esteban/Lance, sfw and nsfw)

when the rain stops, let’s meet again by @palalabu (Lando/Carlos)

They said we do what? by ZenoTheParadox (no ship)

The Mountains We Climbed by @whitewolfcraft (Alex/Lily/George, nsfw)

far from what we were by @laeana (multiple ships)

There is of course so many other amazing fics out there, but those are the ones that ready made me feel a lot of things, I cried I laughed I screamed and that’s what I love in fics

My friends also recommend those two fics :

every colour illuminates by emptyhalf (Lando/George, nsfw)

three rounds and a sound by ladyeggplant (Dan/Max, nsfw)

And finally imma just add one of mine that I loved writing : Love in London (multiple ships)

Anyway, here you go darling and everyone else reading this, have fun discovering or re-discovering all those amazing fics ! 💙

[f1-disaster-bi]

if you couldn’t finish one/ any your wip(s) for some reason, what writer would you trust with finishing it, if any? and another question: do you read fanfic from others too? What inspired you to write

If I couldn't finish a fic, and I wanted someone to try finish it or even take over and make it their own it'd be my dear friend @esteboo-ocon (BearWithAHat on Ao3). Her works are amazing and I trust her with my ideas and fics. If I never get around to finishing my Antonio/Marcus fic (you know the one friend), I know they'd do it justice <3

I do read fic from others. I adore the works of my bestie ITryToWakeUpHappy, my dear esteboo-ocon (BearWithAHat) , @bwoahtastic, @3303andmore, and emptyhalf! I also love reading new fics and discovering new authors!

I always loved writing! My friend @f1simp encouraged me to take my jokes and ideas about fic writing for this fandom and turning them into a proper work and I am forever grateful she did <3

[scenetocause]

Would love a director's cut of tired of looking for answers. It's my favorite ever

like a lot of emptyhalf productions this started with nothing but the thought "max should have a pussy for reasons" and then just went from there. i don't really understand my own writing process because i don't think there's much higher function happening during it, like my brain just knows what it's supposed to be doing somewhere and i sort of have to not distract it. eyes forward or whatever.

the original fic was just like. if max had a pussy lando would be obsessed with it. that's it that's the plot. then for whatever reason maximilian bradley fewtrell was posting stuff that implied he was pregnant and it was lando's or something, the usual sort of tuesday afternoon business with them lot and i was just about to invent an a/b/o mando when i was like wait hang on i have has-a-pussy max already.

which was why max got pregnant. well nah, that's because lando loves coming in him like four times a fucking day, absolute nightmare with the laundry. like bob doesn't make enough of it anyway, with all his rank socks and that. annoying thing is max kind of loves it, lando wanting to shag him all the time, running the stupid washing machine, knowing lando's knocked him up.

bob's less weird about it than max worried he might be. until max starts showing a bit and then he turns so overprotective, can't keep his hands off max's stomach like he thinks his big, stupid mitts will shield the baby or something stupid. like max doesn't love it, the way lando wants to take care of them both.

max does not enjoy the birth. it's pretty quick, in the end, if you don't count a day and a half of contractions that aren't quite strong enough to get sent to the princess grace. bob's there, holding his hand and his shoulders and putting a big hand, protective, over max's pussy when he's getting aggy about the number of people who keep prodding him there and saying things he doesn't want to think about like dilation.

thing is, he forgets the whole thing once they put kit on his chest. once he's got a newborn baby smelling all soft and wet and alive and lando's crying because of course he is but max is just grinning because this is the best thing he's ever done. fucking hell, how did he do this? absolutely mental. just made a brand new human, innit and now they're parents.

he's a bit reluctant to let kit go, when it's time for the other dad to get some skin to skin. but then seeing lando holding their baby, sitting next to max on the hospital bed, makes max want him to fuck another one in right there and then.

they bring the baby to races and there's kind of polite confusion about the whole thing. max doesn't care to explain it, people shouldn't need it spelled out to them that when two geezers love each other very much they can end up with a baby, should they? use their fucking brains.

lando slowly starts referring to max as his partner. posts billions of photos of their kids, even though it gives max a bit of the heebs about whether they're exposing them to the media and that sort of rubbish. but he's not going to tell lando to stop, not when he misses them so much when he's away. he takes the youngest up on the podium, once and max is terrified the donkey's going to fucking drop a baby like he does trophies or something but the pictures are properly adorable.

kit's taller than max by the time lando retires, it's her turn for a world championship that year anyway, in OKJ. lando wants to be able to watch her race, do what his dad did for him, not be away on his own stuff all the time. it's good, max reckons, that he's like this. wants to look after max and the kids, still fuck three times a day even if max made lando get the snip because they don't need a fourth baby.

that last night in abu dhabi they get all the kids in the bed, even though kit's complaining she's too old for this and anthoine's been a bit snuffly, rowan's going through the terrible fours, on top of the twos and threes. hold all their babies together, even if they're not much babies anymore. it's amazing, when you think about it, that they've done all this. never would've expected it back when him and bob were just doing bits at parties and that sort of thing.

[scenetocause]

I have spent the last day absolutely devouring all of your max lando fics. They're all so amazing I love them all.

aah thank you anon i am glad people still like them. for various reasons (bit angsty now innit and that's not an emptyhalf vibe) idk when/if i will next write some mando but they are very important and close to me and i remain 100% convinced that some gross and inept sex went down on beanbags and in the paddling pool and sometimes lando's bed and sometimes max's and once the kitchen but that was a bit gross, really, bob and then they never said they missed each other but whenever he got his papaya man back they'd make sure they put their phones away to eat dinner together and so much of this is canon i'm going to disintegrate thanos style

[scenetocause]

Hello beloved emptyhalf if you have any Lewis and Lando cute thoughts I would love to hear them. I think about Lando being depressed on Lewis' couch in Monaco fic all the time it cracks me up

oh god lando and lewis is just a whole thing. lewis likes lando soooooooooooo much. lando is lewis' special little guy and also he wants to like, pass on some sort of mantle to him. but because he likes him in super cringe ways lewis wants to steal lando's hat and mess him up a bit and make him blush and feel how much lando's in awe of lewis at the same time as lewis is just like, embarrassingly obsessed with lando. terrible. when they clobbered each other in spain i was like oh no lewis is gonna be thinking about that all race because like, neither of them makes mistakes but someone clearly did there and that is just unpossible. such a great driver lando is legendary but [very quiet] i love you lewis is the heart of the situation. lewis knows he has all the power and platform to be nice about lando and lando obviously is massively in awe of lewis, that time he was talking to max on stream about playing golf with him and they were being soooooo shifty about it because omg actual lewis hamilton and lando doesn't hold the right cards in this situation to cringily fangirl back but he's doing that squeaky laugh thing you fucking know he does when he's flirting.

the fact lewis barely knows who george is, by comparison, is fucking hilarious. george studies lewis with incredible intensity and lewis is just like oh yeah, that guy. he'll fret all race from lightly tapping lando but he'd prob crash george out in turn one and never think about it again. who is george? lewis for one doesn't care and although i am a george enjoyer i think that's extremely funny of him.

monaco-fic-verse drabble under the cut

"Moved over with the big boys, huh?" Lewis isn't really expecting Lando to jump out of his skin in the cereal section of Casino but ok, maybe he could've announced himself better.

"Yeah, erm. Yeah?" Lando is looking extremely furtive about the contents of his basket, which mostly looks like Cheestrings and loo roll.

"It's nice being, y'know, normal." Lewis reaches for the Weetabix, then considers it. "Was this what you were after?"

"Uhm, yeah but you - you can have it. I've got." Lando gestures at the completely cereal-free contents of his basket and Lewis resists the urge to laugh at him.

"Nah man, you have it. You're still settling in, I've probably got a box somewhere." He tips the pack into Lando's basket, claps a hand on his elbow. "Honestly I was just kinda leaving the house for the sake of it, I dunno what I'm even here for."

"Oh, same." Lando nearly manages it without stuttering, then seems to panic like he's been over-familiar. "Like, I don't know, I've got to get used to it haven't I? Finding everything and being on my own and so on."

"It's not a big place, you'll get the jist pretty fast." Lewis gives up on pretending he's not going to buy a baguette, while he's in here and Ange can moan at him about the pointless carbs later. "And there's people around, y'know."

"Yeah." Lando sounds very small, suddenly. "I'd just got used to - I left him at home and it was probably right but it's. Lots to adjust to."

That feels like a confession Lewis has missed a few steps on, glancing round to see Lando looking semi-distressed, fiddling with his ring.

"You can... come round, if you want? Roscoe likes visitors." He has no idea why he's saying this, there hasn't been another F1 driver in his flat since the last thermonuclear fight with Nico but there's... something, to what Lando said that makes him think it might be not like that but somewhere that cuts near to it.

"Oh. Yeah!" Lando says it too fast, seems to pull himself back again. "I mean, if that's alright? I'm just. It's all kind of tricky."

Half an hour later, Lewis coaxes just enough vague detail out of Lando to know the thing is so certain there's no way the guy should still be back in the UK. And this is going to take a lot of cups of tea to untangle.

[scenetocause]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers 💫

i got tagged by @verycoolwearsleather and now i have to pretend i have a writing process haha

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

it says 52 but there's actually a lot more due to orphaning/anon-ing things.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

345,519 but again i'm not sure how much tha's counting

3. What fandoms do you write for?

gross f1 twinks

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

just telling it like it is (lando/maxv)

pretty sure this is just cus it's the oldest fic i have since the account reboot because it absolutely does not merit being anywhere near the top 10 lol it's just a 5+1 about other mando being obvious (it's anon'd cus i got bored of a load of my fics and didn't want them as part of the emptyhalf canon anymore)

every colour illuminates (george/lando)

for something i started writing offhand cus some of my friends were saying there should be more trans men in f1 fic, this one sure grew legs. i'm still insanely moved by the comments it gets and the way it seemed to resonate with people. i'm not sure i can really convey how dumb i actually am in a way that'd make people believe me but i really did just write this on vibes and it's one of the things i can say i'm genuinely glad i did. idk, it's just queer porn really but maybe we need more of that.

(i) just wanna get a little bit closer (mando)

you know i don't even think this is close to my best mando fic (personal choice is no plans of staying on) so there's no accounting for taste and you absolutely should practice death of the author or whatever. anyway, it's mando cohabitation era boundary breakdown stuff where they fuck and then go on a date about it.

shoreline i see when i'm off course (loscar, mando)

people rly are thirsty for a/b/o huh. how'd this little fic get into the top five so quickly?

the usual, upside down (alex/george/lando)

literally THEE most head empty omegaverse threesome fic in history y'all are horny as fuck. it literally only got written bc george did some dumb insta post where he called lando and alex his mates and also then was walking around looking horny af in the black fireproofs and mask when he stood in for lewis. there is NO nutritional content here even by the fast food standards of emptyhalf fic.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i uh. i should. i would like to but my brain is quite severely broken. i do read them all and i bookmark a lot in open tabs to come back to and reply to because they mean a lot but then i have 6000 tabs open and no executive function.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

we don't do that here. i guess maybe if you dig into the far distant past then it was probably i'm not just a fuck up, i'm the fuck up you love which is 18k words of jev not really getting over daniel that ends on a sort of optimistically blasted-open note.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

most of them are happy but probably actually pick me up, no headlights where george and max end up with their weird little family worked out and the kids are doing well, y'know

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no i don't think enough people read them to beef me lol

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

hahahaha oh yea. i like to think i write something along the lines of realistic queer sex, with the way that means it's mostly kind of funny and sometimes awakward and isn't elegant or arch or even particularly romantic except that you're getting to do it with the person you do it with. writing lando and oscar being straight with each other, even if it's in a cringe fail way, made me realise i really do not write straight people and i feel a bit like one of those painfully hetero actors who does a gay kissing scene and talks about how they had to get themselves in the mindset by watching the l word or whatever haha. what do straight people do? who are they?

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i was gonna say no but then i remembered i wrote logan and oscar going ghosthunting and being kinda pass-agg horny about it because. idk? logan gave me ryan bergara vibes.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i think someone reposted some of mine awhile ago and it got dealt with before i really knew anything about it idk

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i don't know tbh. someone made a podfic of one of my fics a way back.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yeah i used to do that quite a lot but now. i am a lone wolf. (too perverse for other people's minds)

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

jenson/lewis but society has never been ready for this

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i don't. i don't wanna let doubt enter into it but my daniel goes to fe fic is up against a number of the dark souls boss level demons in my own brain 😔

16. What are your writing strengths?

uh. i uh. i can write on my phone? i have a relaxed attitude to whether what i write is any good at all? i don't actually think i really have any.

people quite often say i have a lot of emotional intelligence in my fics which is very funny to me because i am a deeply unemotionally intelligent person so idk how that's happened really.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

look we could be here all day.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i guess it has never bothered me so long as the reader could be reasonably expected to work out the meaning from the context.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

cardcaptor sakura (i was 14)

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

hmmm. in terms of thinking it's like, good or whatever it's probably don't say no or you'll have to go, the fucked up valtteri/george mutual seat envy/horror of being compared to lewis hamilton thing. or really, it's an old spy au fic called ten seconds before sunrise that i deleted ages ago so: sorry about that.

but favourite is probably some dumb mando shit or i have extreme recency bias so maybe logan and oscar go ghosthunting or whatever. oh wait, no, it's genders maxy the how-to-find-your-identity-post-racing-in-your-pussy treatise that was born of crack but ended up. no, it's still crack. anyway, classic emptyhalf shit tbh.

[scenetocause]

user emptyhalf good day. what is an english dish that is surprisingly tolerable. pls state it for the record

you know there are a few things that the uk gets bang on. not a lot but some. one is sausages. sorry to france and spain and whatever but no one out there is making a common or garden sausage like the british. most british food is frankly sub-par and indicates an impoverished nation not the peak of western decadence but the british sausage? with the british gravy and the british mashed potato? they are literally cooking with this.

other places have dried or preserved sausages like chorizo and that down. nduja, that sort of business. but that's not a dirty great banger you can slap in a sandwich is it. not the sort of overprocessed homogenised meat tubes my homeland (and many others) attempt to pass off as sausage, not a fucking hot dog, not even a wurst, which is not the same at all, the british sausage is the perfection of the medium. even really bad british sausages (the type that are like 25% 'meat products' and come in a pack of 8 sad, beige sticks squished together from the value range) are actually fucking tasty. big juicy ones that burst open on a barbecue dripping fat into the charcoal. the rustic cumberland whirl and its metropolitan cousin, the wimpy big bender. chipolatas. pigs in blankets. don't actually eat all that much meat and the uk's market for vegan sausages is also top notch, fuckin love a meat free richmond. lord knows richmond have been making sausages with very little meat in them for time anyway. battered. sausage. from. the. chippy.

whack 'em in some mash. do onions if you're fancy. perhaps put them in between two big crusty slices of tiger loaf with some mustard. put them in pasta. you can even have them with rice it's the uk food crimes can't be reported.

other thing is uk can do scones. can't fault 'em there. dunno if my life would be any poorer without scones and can't say i eat them often but when i do i know it's going to fuck.

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Idk about you but I would sure like Norris / Fewtrell / Kodric to be given the emptyhalf words.

ok i guess

"You're unbelievable," Lando's laughing but he's like - it's the thing he does when he's actually kind of serious but he's playing it down, not his real laugh and it unnerves Max a lot.

"What do you mean?" He honestly doesn't know what he's done. Something, clearly; it's not bad enough that Lando isn't curled right up against him in Max's bed, Max's fingers threading through his hair and Lando's stupid palm tree necklace digging into Max's breastbone.

"You were flirting with Martin so much, oh my god."

Oh.

Well, guilty as charged.

"If my boyfriend didn't leave me at home all the time then maybe I wouldn't have to look at hot, uhm. Hunks." He's got past the word 'boyfriend' in his list of mental blocks but it's very hard for Max to sort of think of himself as gay beyond Lando. He's not really sure he is but then, Martin is pretty hot and so tall, too. Like Jake, who's also pretty hot and ok maybe he just... has some sort of very specific type. He should try checking out Marcus next time they're in the gym to see if it's all drivers or just specifically the idiot ones.

Lando pouts, curling more round Max. "If you'd actually ask instead of, like - you know I always want you there. Anyway, I guess Martin's kinda hot."

Oh. Oh, Lando isn't complaining, he's fantasising.

Except Max's self-esteem isn't as secure as Lando's, clearly and so what he says is. "Hotter than me?" And his voice sounds pathetically small.

"No." It's not possible to actually hear someone rolling their eyes but Max thinks he can. "You're - and mine. But y'know, for someone else he kind of is."

Lando presses an unusually tender kiss under Max's ear. "You're still my big boy."

"Jesus-" Max ineffectively swats at Lando, who's already successfully limpeted onto him and just holds Max tighter, peppering him with kisses. "Fuck off. God."

Max mumbles "I love you, Bob" into the bumps of Lando's spine when they've rearranged to big and little spoon, a few minutes later.

-

Nothing happens because why would anything happen. Martin's straight and if Max and Lando sometimes work it into their dirty talk, the idea of one of them getting fucked by Martin while the other one's watching then, well. Look. They've said that about, like - Lando has a weird crush on Niall from One Direction and sometimes it comes up, it's just a fantasy, it's fine.

Until Tom opens his stupid mouth and Max is gonna edit him for Insta again, he swears to god.

"Who'd you have in a threesome, if you could have anyone?"

"Martin," Lando says, without even looking up from his phone while he's posting some jpgs.

It's at the same time as Connor says "Dua Lipa" and Jenny hits him with a cushion but someone definitely heard because several people follow it up with what?

Lando glances round the table, unfazed. "It's be Martin, we've talked about it."

Max can feel himself turning blotchy crimson. "Mate, you can't just say things like-"

"Really?" It's only fair that Martin, himself, asks.

"Yeah," Lando is totally unbothered, tucking himself back against Max's shoulder and taking a sip of his drink, the only tell that he knows what he's doing the way he's suddenly glowing with that weird, malicious energy he gives off sometimes. "It'd be hot. Y'know, you could fuck Max or-"

Collective shouting around the table manages to preserve Max's honour and stop him having to find a way to murder the man he loves the most of anyone in the world. And that's kind of the end of it because they get into fuck, marry, kill with the characters from Friends but none of them can remember what half of them are called and shots dissolve the rest of the conversation.

Until Max is wobbling to the bathroom, a little while later and wondering where Lando's gone. He probably might have noticed Martin was gone, too, except that he's been studiously trying not to make any kind of eye contact with the bloke for several hours, so it's easier not to think.

Except that Martin is suddenly right up in his space and Max nearly trips over his own feet. "Uh - hello, what Lando said, like, just, ignore him it's-"

He's shocked by Martin shushing him. Realises Martin's shirt is unbuttoned all the way down, tries not to fixate on the trail of hair down from his belly button but looking up from that means he's staring into Martin's eyes.

"I didn't mind," Martin's accent makes it soft, voice deliberately gentle. "It's kind of cute."

Max doesn't have time to squirm, before Martin's hand is on his jaw and his sweaty palms are on Martin's chest to steady himself and the main thing he registers, when Martin kisses him, is Lando's shrieky laugh of glee much too close by.

"I knew it," there's the sound of a shutter closing, a photo that better not make it to the internet. "It is really hot."

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for drivers like max who make it to f3 or the lower reaches of f2, but can't progress any further, how do they pivot into not-racing-driving?

uhhhh this feels like a very odd thing to ask me, the AO3 user emptyhalf who is not max fewtrell (i'd be too busy telling people i'm totally taller than my gf to tumblr)

the answer is: lots of copium. some people stay in the industry, some people don't. you have to be pretty rich to get that far, so you're probably comfortable living off your parents' cash for a bit and presumably they loved you enough to fund your karting and early career so aren't totally awful. if you had to somehow go it alone and some drivers do, even from karting stage, then its harder.

you're likely to have little-to-no qualifications but then you can go to school and get that too. motorsport puts you in touch with a lot of people who can help you with careers, even if you're not from the cripplingly upper class, western european circles it loves. there's a reason oscar piastri did his a levels to maybe do engineering as a backup and lando norris doesn't have a single gcse innit, even though they're probably actually equally smart despite lando pretending to be a total ken he's actually very clever, if he wasn't he couldn't drive the cars that well.

the answer with max is: you're watching it play out. that's what he's doing. he's pivoted to being a full time omega wag and whatever the fuck else he does, he's p's babygirl and lando's also babygirl and then i guess he'll work out what he's doing with his life later. it's been too long since he's been racing to step into anything so if he does go back it's gonna be a whole thing so. idk! fwiw basically no one ends up bitter about it, everyone kinda just is glad to have got as far as they did cus you know from karting onwards how many people you beat so like. you can't disrespect that. trying to get into a sport of 20 is a big fuckin ask innit,.

but yeah idk. i'm not max. i'm close enough to it to know he's probably still deep in the nettles, as hurt weeds go but he'll be alright comparatively to a lot of people. motorsport is a very, very cruel world if you don't have family millions to fall back into like a coin cushion when it smacks you back.

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Ao3 user emptyhalf…. I cannot express to you how perfect your girloscar and lando are.

Lando’s pathetic wet cat levels… off the charts and I’m eating that shit up

Also SUCH a shame girloscar isn’t a lesbian I need her biblically

she is fucking lando tbf, a deeply lesbian way to be straight.

i have some very self-indulgent meta-thoughts about this particular lando, of all my pathetic wet cat landos. learning to embrace your inner (and outer) wet cat is personal growth and don't let grind merchants tell you otherwise!!! this man is working on himself (being pathetic)

thank you so much anon, i really appreciate how much love girloscar has got and i promise i am trying to get them to the end! it might take me another 30,000 words but she is gonna put her hand in him.

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helloooooo emptyhalf i’m about to be SO predictable but Mando x things you said that i wasn’t meant to hear &/or things you said when you thought i was asleep 💙 MUCH LOVE

(back in the cohabitation period but the timeline is probably all wacky cus I can't be bothered to check)

Thing is, he knows Lando watches his streams sometimes but he doesn't, like watch them, he sticks his head in to yell stuff in chat in between messaging girls on Insta and getting Jon to screw his neck back on after a session or whatever. Lando's busy, when he's away, he's not sitting in a house on his own thinking about Max and Max wouldn't even want him to be because, well.

He's really grateful to Lando that they're living together, that they've had all this time of working each other out but when he's alone for weeks on end things get. Difficult.

Max can see why Lando went pretty weird in lockdown, really and he's allowed to see Tom and Jacob and whatever. Could go and bother his mum if he was that desperate for company. But part of him wants to be stoic, prove he can look after the house (sort of) and be a grown up (kinda) and have waited for Lando, have been there until he got back.

It gets harder at night and some nights are worse than others, the house feeling echo-ey and all the doorways turning into spaces he can see shadows through. Which, yeah, it's only the gym equipment or the clothes airer but Max knows he's got a tendency to let his imagination run away with him. He's more trapped in his own head than the house.

Streaming helps with that, pointless wittering and keeping himself company. Can't really be scared when there's 2000 people asking you where your housemate is, as though they don't know perfectly well he's in Texas.

He doesn't think to check whether Lando's in chat before he says it because Max kind of knows he isn't. There's some instinct he's got for it, like years of knowing Lando have meant he can guess where he is, in real life or online. And maybe he wasn't, maybe someone made a clip of it or something but either way, it's Max's problem now.

papaya man???? wtf does that mean if your lonely you can call me I'm kind of lonely to it's boring

Thing is, Lando wasn't supposed to know about that. He's supposed to think Max just... does stuff when he's away. Clearly not tidying but like, gets on with whatever Max's life is, which is a shame because he doesn't really have one right now and the illusion he might have one is really starting to break down, just at the same time as the little bubble of a household they've made is coming to an end.

He wants his papaya man back but like, properly. Playing housewife is one thing but Max could be it, if Lando gave him the chance.

yeah I miss you

He stares at it just after he's sent it because. That's not what Lando said. Lando said Max could call him if he was lonely. Not that Lando missed, specifically, him.

Answering the call is autopilot.

"Hello? What time is it there, it's like. I don't know, actually - here, I mean."

Max rolls over in bed, hugs the duvet further round himself. "It's 1am, so I don't know."

Lando makes a surprised sound. "Oh - I didn't. That's so far away. It's not even dinner time here."

"1am is your dinner time, you fucking menace."

"You really miss me?"

There's a pause on the line, a quiet noise like Lando's swallowed heavily and Max sort of wishes this was facetime, even if he'd've had to turn on the light.

"Yeah, y'know, it's." He stops himself, then starts again and maybe it's the loneliness making him go mental, like people in solitary confinement or something. "Yeah, I miss you Bob."

"I miss you too." Lando sounds a bit snuffly or like he's just pulled his hoodie up extra tight, hugging himself. "I'm gonna - I wanna - come back, before the rest. We can. Y'know."

Max sort of knows what y'know means in this context, which is that Lando and him have maybe started blurring a few lines between domestic fantasy and reality. That Max can sleep in Lando's bed when he's back and they can pretend they don't know it'll lead to frotting, tentative and shy and not something they can talk about yet.

"Yeah, I know."

They breathe down the phone at each other for a bit, which probably ought to be gross but is making Max sleepy, comforted for hearing Lando. "I'm gonna - I might go to bed, Bob. Well, sleep, I'm in bed."

Lando snickers and makes a soft noise, all at the same time in a clatter of sounds. "Alright. Text me when you wake up."

Max doesn't hang up, assumes Lando's going to, just tucks himself in. But when he rolls over onto his front, a couple of minutes later, the call's still on, next to his pillow.