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honeyhotteoks · 11 months

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this night together - chapter seven (j.yh + s.mg)

chapter seven: any time now

chapter summary: things are finally back to normal, but how long can that really last?

warnings: references to a/b/o dynamics such as heat and knotting and designations, general reader horny thoughts, masturbation

notes: major love for everyone who's been so patient while i worked on this chapter and this fic in general. i've been going through it recently, but hopefully this is a little fun one before we get back to the smut and angst ♡

pairings: alpha!yunho x alpha!mingi x omega!reader.......... but we're also featuring some alpha!seonghwa x reader, omega!wooyoung x reader (platonic)

genre: smut, a/b/o/omegaverse, angst, fluff, romance, polyamory

word count: 9.7K

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“No, no I’m telling you,” Hongjoong asserts, his eyes full of passion as he leans across the table, “Bowie was the greatest artist of our time. Period.”

It's at this exact moment that you can see Seonghwa’s eyes go fuzzy as he realizes he’s introduced two of the more argumentative and passionate people he’s ever met to each other, and now he has to live with the consequences. And it’s not even like you and Hongjoong disagree, in reality you’re mostly just agreeing with each other - just loudly and with excitable hand gestures.

You start going down the deep rabbit hole of Hongjoong’s musical preferences again and Seonghwa starts to look for a natural place to cut in, you can see it on his face, but you’re too focused on debating which of Bowie’s albums is actually the greatest of all time to even care. It’s only the second time you’ve met him, but it clicked with him quickly, and despite barely knowing him, here you are.

“Favorite era?” Hongjoong recaptures your attention and you lean back in your seat.

“This is hard,” You admit.

“Mhm,” Hongjoong takes a sip of his drink and leans forward on the table, “there’s a right answer.”

“Are we talking style or music?” You counter back.

“You two,” Seonghwa groans, “I’m getting a headache,”

“Shush,” Hongjoong slaps his friend’s arm softly, “you wanted us to be friends, right?”

“At what cost,” Seonghwa smirks as he knocks back his drink.

“Style or music,” You repeat, nudging Hongjoong.

“Style,” He narrows his eyes.

“Thin white duke,” You answer with zero hesitation.

“Oh,” Seonghwa laughs, “you would,”

“What?” You laugh, “What could that possibly say about me?”

Seonghwa shrugs but Hongjoong nods, “He’s right,”

“Sure,” You roll your eyes.

“You like a man in a suit, that’s what it says,” Hongjoong laughs, “but I would have picked Berlin era.”

“So we both like a man in a suit,” You nod at him.

“You got me there,” He laughs, running a hand through his shock of blue hair.

“I never hear music like that anymore,” You comment and Hongjoong smiles.

“I’d love to produce something like that,” He admits, “but you need someone with a much stronger vocal range for that.”

Seonghwa nods along, and it’s clear it’s not the first time he’s heard this sentiment from Hongjoong.

“Stronger than the idols KQ has now?” You ask, your eyebrow raised.

He nods, “It’s not that they’re not good, everyone’s very talented and I enjoy working with them… but the chance to work with someone one in a million is different,”

“I could see that,” You concede. You don’t know much about music production or vocal performance, but you know a one in a million voice when you hear it.

“You won’t have to wait long from the buzz I’m hearing,” Seonghwa drops his voice to a bit of a hushed tone even though there’s considerable space between your table and anyone else.

“I’m not holding my breath,” Hongjoong says, “I don’t want to get my hopes up,”

“I know it’s a longshot,” Seonghwa offers, “but I’m hearing good things,”

“Me too,” Hongjoong says, “but nothing’s on paper yet, so you know how these things go.”

“So…” You give them a pointed expression.

“Right,” Seonghwa leans in, “KQ is currently courting a big name from a group that just disbanded,”

“To take on a senior group?”

“No,” Hongjoong shakes his head, “just one of the members, as a solo artist.”

“Oh,” You drop your voice, “who?”

“You can’t say anything,” Seonghwa makes a hand gesture as if to say you’re dead if you do, “but Choi Jongho,”

The pause between the three of you seems weighty, but you don’t know him and you have to admit it with a little shrug, “I’ve never heard of him,”

“What?” Hongjoong shakes his head in disbelief, “I mean that’s crazy,”

“I don’t keep up with it as much as you’d think,”

“I mean,” Hongjoong blinks, “he’s the one in a million, he’s the voice.”

“I believe you,” You nod quickly, “I just don’t know him.”

“Well,” He sighs, “hopefully you will. If our CEO can close the deal,”

“You really want to produce for him that badly? He’s that good?” You ask.

“Without question,” He sighs, “I would kill to write him some R&B,”

“Oh, now there’s a thought,” You lean in.

“You just need so much more vocal texture,” Hongjoong explains, “but if you heard him, you’d get it.”

You nod along.

Hongjoong sighs and leans back in his chair, running a hand through his hair again, the silver of his many rings catching in the overhead light, “If he signs we could get an album together for early next year,”

“You really want to work with him that badly?” You nod, “He must be amazing.”

“He is,” Hongjoong hums, “so cross your fingers.”

You do and show him your hand, “Done,”

The server passes by your table and smoothly passes the check towards Seonghwa, but Hongjoong intercepts it with practiced ease and slips his heavier credit card into the billfold before returning it to the server’s waiting hands.

“Thank you,” The server nods, “I’ll be right back with this.”

“Thank you, Joong,” Seonghwa smiles, “next time on me,”

Hongjoong waves his hand and you realize it’s much the same as the last dinner. You wonder just how well producers are paid if this is his casual attitude towards a bill for three people eating rich cuts of meat and having crafted cocktails, but judging from Hongjoong’s lack of concern at the check’s total, he’s paid pretty well.

“Thank you, Hongjoong,” You echo.

“Of course,” Hongjoong smiles, and then the bill is back in his hands to sign off before you’re all up and away out the door.

You walk a little ways with them, in the direction of a much busier block so you can catch a taxi home, all the while Hongjoong and Seonghwa chat about people you’ve yet to meet at the company and old times. They’ve been friends for years, you could gather that even without the download of information Seonghwa gave you after your first dinner out with them. They have an easy way about them that makes you smile, and even though you’re not in on any of these stories or jokes, it still feels comfortable. They both exude cool, in their style and the way they walk and talk, their handsome smiles and the cut of their clothes, but they never stray too far into pretension and it makes you like them both all the more.

When Hongjoong checks his phone briefly as he walks and hums quietly, Seonghwa makes a disappointed noise with his tongue against his teeth.

“What?” Hongjoong glances up.

“Stop thinking about work,” Seonghwa interrupts his brain, “it’s ten o’clock,”

“Normally I’m still working, you know,” Hongjoong tucks his phone away and makes a face.

“You do that to yourself, Joong,” Seonghwa comments.

“I know, I know,” He shrugs, “there’s nothing wrong with working hard.” He swivels his head to you at the same time Seonghwa does.

“Don’t look at me,” You throw up your hands in surrender, “I can’t help you, Hwa, I’m at the studio late every day.”

“I have to stop attracting friends who do nothing but work,” Seonghwa says, but he smiles despite his words.

“Speaking of work,” Hongjoong grins conspiratorially at you, “he said you’re on the choreography team for the new tracks,”

“Yes,” You catch Seonghwa’s pleased eye, “I’m assisting with it,”

“How do you like the title song?” He asks.

“I think it’s an earworm,” You admit, “I’ve been hearing it in my head for days,”

“Not too commercial?” He asks.

“I said it was going to be popular,” Seonghwa groans, “not that it’s commercial,”

“I’m just asking,” Hongjoong throws a hand out to his side to smack Seonghwa’s arm.

“It’s not,” You shake your head vehemently, “it’s just good, and catchy as hell,”

“I can’t wait to see what your team does with it,” Hongjoong admits with a sigh, “I’m proud of this album,”

“I’m looking forward to hearing the whole thing,”

“When it’s finished you should come to the listening party,” He offers, his steps slowing as you make it to the curb of the busier street.

“I would love to,” You smile, and Seonghwa nods.

“You’ll be alright to get home?” Hongjoong asks, turning towards you.

“Absolutely,”

“Let me,” Seonghwa steps past you to the edge of the sidewalk and raises an arm out to beckon a taxi over, and a yellow cab flicks its occupied light on and smoothly cuts over to the side lane.

“Thanks, Hwa,”

“Come out again soon?” Hongjoong asks, “I didn’t even get to my thoughts on 90s music,”

“Anytime,” You smile as Seonghwa opens up the taxi door for you.

“I’ll send you some albums,” He adds.

“I love it,” You nod and move to the open door, catching Seonghwa’s eye as you do.

“See you tomorrow,” He says as you slide into your seat.

“Tomorrow,”

He waits for you to swing your legs inside the car and then shuts the door tight, tapping on the hood and backing away to stand next to Hongjoong. He waves, and as the taxi pulls away they turn to walk back the way you came.

Things stay perfectly in this new status quo for weeks, your life so much fuller and richer than the first few months you worked at KQ and tried to find inroads of friendship. Now you have dinner from time to time with Seonghwa and Hongjoong, drinks with your new dance troupe trio, workouts with San, coffee breaks with Wooyoung, and a growing sense of normalcy with Yunho and Mingi as you get back to work with them.

You’re just starting to get comfortable when your phone reminds you that normal never lasts.

As ever, things change.

The shift starts with the first real peace offering you get from Yunho, weeks after the first night back in the studio with them. You’re buried in your phone trying to map out the dates of your next heat, paying exactly zero attention to your surroundings as you go through the app on your phone that tracks out your cycle symptoms. One that sends you painfully patronizing push notifications like - Hey girlie! Your heat is scheduled to start anytime in the next two weeks! Be sure to drink lots of water!! - complete with a panting red faced emoji. The last person you really want to see at this second is Yunho, or Mingi for that matter, and to be reminded of everything that happened a few months ago, but you’re never quite so lucky.

Yunho’s hand enters your eyeline, dropping a coffee on the table in front of you and you jump at the sudden break in your concentration as you snap your phone lock on and let it slip through your fingers.

“Sorry,” He smiles, “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s okay,” You take a steadying breath as you watch him reach for your phone that skid across the floor, “I was just lost in thought,”

“Mm,” He passes the phone back to you and you’re infinitely grateful for your panic response that locked the phone and darkened the screen to save you any more embarrassment, “is everything okay? You seem a little stressed,”

“I’m good,” You assure him.

Adjusting the cap on his head he gestures to the coffee, “Well, either way you looked like you could use one of these,”

“Thank you,” You smile, trying to let the moment be normal. You had missed him bringing you little things. Before your heat he was always checking up on you, delivering water bottles and protein bars and iced americanos. You can’t help but comment on it as you lift the coffee and give it a shake, “it’s been a while,”

“I know,” He grimaces, “I’m sorry,”

“Don’t be,” You brush him off, “I just meant it’s nice, I’m really glad we’re friends again.”

He swallows a little tightly, glancing to his side, and you know being vulnerable like this isn’t really his favorite thing but he’s trying, “I am sorry though,” he says finally, “Mingi and I shouldn’t have let things get so weird. That was… I mean, this is work. We shouldn’t have let it interfere like that, we should have just talked to you.”

“Me too,” You murmur, letting him off the hook, “it goes both ways.”

“Yeah,” He breathes, and then his eyes come up, “but friends? That’s what you want?”

“Of course,” You nod quickly, the sharp idea of going back to barely talking or looking at each other making you queasy, and the past few weeks of working together with them has felt like a weight off your shoulders.

There’s a beat between you, and a noise to your right as the door to the break room opens and bodies spill in. Someone shouts your name, but your eyes are holding so tightly to Yunho that you don’t even know who it was, you don’t really care. You need to know that he’s on the same page.

Yunho nods finally and smiles, “Good, okay, friends,”

Mingi crashes into him from the side with an arm slung over his shoulders and his face lit up in a bright smile, “Hey,”

“Hi,” You smile, watching as Yunho crosses his arms loosely and lets Mingi stay clinging onto him. You catch Mingi’s eyes, “You’re in a good mood today,”

“I guess so,” He shrugs, “it’s a good day,”

The chair to your side moves and your head snaps over to see San flopping down, a freshly mixed protein smoothie in hand, “You’re late,” he comments and you snap a look to your watch.

Fifteen minutes late to your training with him, and you grimace, “Shit, I’m sorry,”

“It’s cool, I’ll just have to remember this when you’re begging to get out of the last set,” His eyebrows quirk up at you playfully.

Mingi makes a quiet noise and when you look back up at him he’s pouting, “You never let me give you training tips,”

“That’s because you hate the gym,” You laugh.

His nose crinkles, “True,”

Yunho laughs at the exchange and shrugs Mingi off and he looks like he’s about to add something to the conversation, but the door opens again and Dahan and Yujin cut their way through the dining area.

Yujin catches your eye and smiles, “Ready for today?”

You nod and try not to seem too terrified, “Definitely,”

“See you at four,” She says, brushing past your table and heading for the coffee stations at the far side of the room.

You let out a shaky breath, one you didn’t know you were holding quite so tightly in your chest and Yunho’s brow knits together, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” You assure him, “it’s just a big day for me,”

“The meeting?” He asks, referring to the session later today where you and the rest of the crew will meet with the girl group members for the first time. You’ve been elected to run them through some of the point choreography, and while everyone will be working together, you’re first and that level of spotlight makes you buzz with anxiety.

“Yeah,” You shrug, trying to stay casual about it, “it’s not that big of a deal, I know, but I’m still nervous,”

“You’ve been working like crazy,” San cuts in, smoothing a hand over your fidgeting fingers to calm you down, “you’re going to be fine, when have you ever choked?”

“You’re right,” You breathe, pulling your hand back and pushing your hair away from your face, “Yujin and Dahan are just very good.” You don’t elaborate, but the idea of teaching choreography in front of them makes your heart thump loudly in your chest.

“You’re very good,” Mingi dismisses instantly with a noise in his throat.

“Thanks, Mingi,”

“It’s first time jitters,” Yunho smiles, “I get them every time we do something new,”

“You do?” Your eyebrows shoot high.

“Mhm,” He nods, “actually, I have an idea,”

“Yeah?”

“Let’s go for a run,” Yunho checks his watch and then nods.

“Yunho,” You glance to San, “I don’t know,”

“It clears my head every time, trust me,” He presses, “something about running outside… it’s definitely going to get you out of your head.”

“Go,” San nods, brushing off your unspoken concern about ditching him.

“You don’t mind?” You check with him.

“Nah,” He grins, pushing himself up to stand and offering you a hand to help you to your feet too, “I’ll just go bother Wooyoung,”

“I’m sure he’ll thank me for that,” You laugh.

“He should be so grateful,” San brushes your arm lightly with his fingers and then gives you a warm smile, “but you go, relax, and text me later.”

“I will,” You nod, and he jogs off.

You twist back to Yunho and Mingi at the sound of a throat clearing and Mingi shifts from foot to foot, “I’d join you on the run, but,”

“You hate running,” Yunho finishes for him, “you’re good,”

“Yeah,”

There’s a beat of silence between the three of you, and then Yunho clears his throat again, “Meet me out front in ten? I just need to change,”

“Sure,” You have to do the same, and idly in the back of your mind you wonder if he’s a good runner, the kind of person who makes it look easy.

“Great,” He smiles and then he’s off.

Mingi watches him go and then shifts his attention back to you, “You’ll be great today,”

“You think?” Your nervousness slips out.

“I know.” He nods, pointed with no room for discussion.

You swallow tightly, but agree anyway.

Mingi guides you back out of the pull of your own thoughts when he claps a hand down on your shoulder as he moves past you and around the table, “Just chill,”

“Chill,” You repeat dumbly.

“Mhm,” He shrugs, quirking up an eyebrow at you as he pushes through the door and away.

You’re used to his naturally flirtatious energy, but even a look that intense from him can send your stomach into little flip flops. Your phone dings again in your pocket, the familiar sound of your cycle app sending you another reminder and you don’t even bother to look and see what it says, your lingering gaze on Mingi is enough to tell you.

Alone in the break room you sigh and run your hands through your hair before shaking the little interaction off and heading out to meet Yunho. By the time you’re out front he’s already there, and you think it’s quite possible that this is the biggest mistake you’ve ever made when you lay eyes on him. He’s dressed comfortably, in shorts and running shoes, but it’s the sleeveless black top that makes your pulse quicken.

“Alright,” He says as he sees you approaching, “let’s do it.”

“Okay,” You stretch out your arms in front of you and do your best to focus on your own body and not his and all the ways you’ve seen it move before.

He waves you along and then starts to run.

You set a pace together with ease, and you’re not sure if it’s Yunho accommodating you or you accommodating him, but either way you fall into step smoothly as you start jogging through the streets of Seoul. He adjusts the black cap on his head and settles his arms into a comfortable running position and he slowly starts to increase the pace, but you match him smoothly right back.

“Do you have a route?” You ask between controlled breaths.

“Yeah,” He nods, gesturing up ahead, “just follow me,”

You murmur your agreement, and then refocus your eyes ahead and not on the man to your side. He’s right, you do need this. Your shoulders have been tense with stress for days, your body tired and feeling jittery, but the steady steps over the pavement and the cool air have your muscles relaxing already. You stay focused on your breath and the rest starts to melt away.

“This way,” He directs after a little while heading straight, and he takes a smooth left turn across a busy intersection where the walk signs are lit up for you.

In the distance is a block of trees marking the start of one of the riverside parks, and you’re sure that’s where he’s running to. You can feel him glancing down at you every so often, making sure you’re still at his side, and it’s oddly comforting to run with him and not alone for once. It’s been a while since you’ve been out like this, you’ve taken to sticking with San in the comfort of the KQ gyms, but with Yunho at your side it feels comfortable and right.

“Good?” He asks as you push over the next street and into the entrance of the trail, hooking through two lines of trees.

“Good,” You confirm, “you?”

He smiles and laughs a little, but keeps running, “Definitely,”

You push on and keep pace, moving down the pathway through the trees, nothing but the sound of each other’s breath for company. Being cocooned in trees, this close to the water, makes you feel insulated from the city and with every step your worries about the meeting later have started to fall away.

You glance to Yunho and see that his eyes are still focused ahead, but you swallow hard at the pink blush across his cheeks and collarbones, the sweat now visible on his tanned skin. You have such a clear image of him above you, broad hand on your cheek and cock buried inside your body, looking flushed and sweaty just as he does now.

“Feeling better?” He asks, not slowing his run at all.

His voice jolts you out of your meandering thoughts, “Hmm?”

“Are you feeling any better?” He tries again, “less stressed?”

“A little,” You concede.

He nods, but keeps moving. The lack of conversation between you both normally feels tight and unnatural, but lately it’s started to feel safe again. He’s always been a person you can just be around, nothing extra, just existing. It finally, finally feels right again.

You make your way a little further into the park until it starts to curve around with the bend of the river. Yunho gestures up ahead to a block of benches that overlook the water and he glances down at you, “Let’s take a breath there and then double back,”

“Yeah,”

As you approach the benches and start to slow, Yunho grins, “It’s gorgeous today,”

“It really is,” You agree, chest heaving a little at the effort from the run and you focus on deep steady inhales and exhales.

He walks past the benches and up to the railing at the water, leaning down and resting his elbows on the dark blue painted steel, “That looks fun,” he comments, gesturing towards a group of boats on the water.

“Mm,” You sigh, leaning next to him, your arms nearly brushing, “especially on a day like today.”

He nods quietly, his eyes closing for a moment as he soaks up the warm sun, and then he turns towards you and leans against the railing with his hip, “So,” he says, “is it first time jitters, or is something else going on?”

“W-what do you mean?” His words break you out of your thoughts again, and you didn’t even realize your mind was slipping away somewhere else, but every time he interrupts you it’s painfully obvious to you that you can’t stop worrying.

“I’ve seen you nervous,” He comments, “this feels like more,”

You shift towards him and look up, “A little, maybe,”

“Tell me,” He prompts you, extending his hand for a fraction of a second before he lets it drop back to his thigh.

Your first thought is that you want to touch him too, but you resist it.

“Teaching these girls,” You trail off, dropping your eyes again to the ripple of the water as it kisses the rocky shore, “something about doing it in front of Yujin and Dahan… and even you,”

“Me?” His voice runs high.

“It’s just scary,” You admit, “I’m sure I’ll get over it.”

“I don’t want to make you scared,” He murmurs.

“It’s not that,” You glance up at him, but it’s safer to keep your focus on the water, “I just…. I don’t know if I belong in that room yet, and today all the attention will be on me. I’ve never taught anyone like this before,”

“Yes, you have,” Yunho finally does touch you, nudging your arm and getting your eyes back on him, “you came up with good stuff for this routine. You taught all of us, and I saw you practicing everything together to show them. You’re ready,”

“You really believe that?” The words slip out.

“y/n,” His brow furrows, “of course I do, I wouldn’t have suggested you in the first place if I thought you couldn’t do this.”

He’s right, you can do this, and with flying colors too if you really set your mind to it, but the question still brews in the back of your brain and you have to ask. “Yunho,” You sigh, “why did you suggest me?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“We weren’t talking,” You explain, “we were barely looking at each other in the studio, but you still pulled me into this project. Why?”

He’s still for a moment, his eyes flicking over your face and then he sighs, “Because you’re good, and because I know how hard you were working even when we weren’t talking. And because,” he pauses, “because I wanted you there,”

“For me or for my skills?”

“For your skills,” He nods, “the fact that it’s you… well, that just made my choice easier.”

“You really mean that, don’t you?” You murmur.

“I do,” He nods, “so be regular nervous all you want, but never doubt your place in the room, okay? I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“Thank you, Yunho,”

He nods and looks back out to the water before checking his watch and taking a deep breath, “You ready to head back?”

“Let’s do it,” You agree with a sigh, shaking out your limbs.

“Did this help?” He asks as he pushes off the railing.

“Yeah,” You smile, “I mean, I’m still a little terrified, but I think that’s normal.”

“Mhm,” He smooths his hand across your shoulders and gives you a squeeze, “plus, I promise you can dance circles around these girls any day of the week,”

“Oh, shut up,” You roll your eyes, “now you’re laying it on too thick,”

“I don’t lie,” He grins, “you know that already,”

You open your mouth to retort but he takes the wind right out of your sails when he starts to jog backwards and he sticks his tongue out to tease you. As he twists around he calls back over his shoulder, “Race you back!”

You scramble forwards, “Hey! No fair, you got a head start,”

He keeps running, but you hear him laugh, “Catch up then!”

You pump your legs harder, moving as fast as possible as you try to reach him. You watch as he glances back over his shoulder, goading you into pushing yourself harder, something swells in your chest. He’s close, if you just pick it up a little more, focus a little more, you’ll reach him. Maybe pass him.

“You still with me?” He shouts back, voice light.

Your heart is pounding in your ears, blood rushing loud, and your chest is screaming with the effort of working your body this hard but you don’t care. You want to win, you need to win. You pump your legs harder, clear your mind, and race. You gain on him inch by inch and you grin when you hear him laugh again, catching you in his peripheral vision as you scream up next to him. He says something but you miss it, your head too focused on every step in front of you.

When you finally make it back to KQ you all but skid into the back entrance with him, colliding shoulder to shoulder and having to brace yourself on the entryway wall so you don’t pitch right over onto the hardwood floor.

Yunho’s hands close over your hips to steady you, and you hear his heavy breath above you before he laughs, “Jesus, you’re fast,”

“You annoyed me,” You wheeze, pressing on your side where a painful, sharp stitch has taken up residence.

Your fingers brush along his for the barest of seconds and he pulls his hands back instantly before giving you an apologetic smile and pulling off his ball cap to wipe the sweat off his brow with the bottom of his shirt. The quick flash of his abs makes you dizzy.

“I still won,” Yunho sighs, leaning against the wall.

You shoot him a look, but you’re still catching your breath and at this point it’s not even worth the fight. As you raise your head to look at him, you suddenly notice the crowded hallway towards the side of the door. Wooyoung and San stand close together, angled towards you but clearly just in halted conversation with Minseok, Yujin, and two of the other dancers.

Wooyoung gives you a single pointed eyebrow raise.

“Were you racing?” Minseok asks, glancing between the two of you.

You make an affirmative noise, all you can do while you recover.

“Fun,” Wooyoung laughs a little to himself and if you had the energy you’d smack him, but you can’t even bother.

“Why?” Minseok asks.

“Why not?” Yunho shrugs and then turns his attention back to you, “Good?”

“Good,” You nod.

For a second he looks like he wants to say something else, maybe give you one last encouraging speech, but he just settles on a smile, “See you in there,”

You nod, smiling back up at him, and then he pushes through the little pocket of your coworkers to get back to the locker rooms. You take another second to catch your breath against the wall, Wooyoung making an expression you need to roll your eyes at, but then you realize. You feel great.

The nerves from the whole day have dissipated, the surging rush of endorphins from pushing yourself so hard, drowning out anything in your body except adrenaline, joy, and a little exhaustion. You could kiss him.

At four o’clock, when you walk into the room, you do it with a clear head. In the back of the studio, Yunho smiles.

***

A week later, your app dings again and this time it’s right on the money.

You submit the paperwork on Thursday after practice, another lozenge tucked into your cheek as you start to feel the first signs of your upcoming heat. It’s already better than last time, a more familiar kind of cycle than what you last experienced. You’re used to it being mostly mild, a few times a year leaving you achy and sore, and insatiably horny, but nothing like the desperate cramping from before.

This time you have things down to a predictable science, and though you might have a few moments of serious weakness or deeper feelings of heat, you’d be fine. This time there would be no dizzy desperation, no crying into your pillow in hopes that an alpha would soothe you and take it away. No begging to be claimed. It would be fine.

You should be fine.

You leave the paperwork on the back desk and hurry out to catch a ride back home before you start to really feel it, but all you can imagine is Yunho’s face when he picks up the papers and you need to not be in the building when that happens.

At home you set yourself up for the next few days. Bedroom door locked, a stash of water bottles, a stack of towels, and a bedside table full of charged and ready toys. You get undressed out of your restrictive leggings and tighter clothes, and pull on a simple pair of sleep shorts and a loose oversized top. Fabric that won’t cling or make you hot, just comfortable enough to relax and take it easy as your body starts to sink into heat.

For a while things are normal and fine, regular aches and pains. You watch a show on your iPad and zone out the feeling, but eventually every little shift of your hips feels sharper, and a low throb starts to pulse inside you. It’s evening when you start to lose focus on the drama you’re watching. Something about the male lead seems familiar to you and your mind keeps drifting.

You settle back into the cushions to get more comfortable and to try and refocus on the show, but the ghost sensation of lips on your throat makes your eyes drift closed.

Your hand is pushing under the elastic of your sleep shorts before you can even think it through.

Your mind keeps replaying the image of Mingi pushing his glasses up into his hair and smiling, the way his hands ran over your body and landed firm on your hips. Yunho’s head between your thighs. Both their fingers searching your body, pushing inside you, pulling you apart over and over again. Their hot breath on your throat. Pretty omega, they called you. Something tumbles in your chest, knots build up in your stomach. Your fingers feel good but they pale in comparison to what you had before and you work yourself up and up but nothing quite comes close to the edge of pleasure you’re looking for.

You’re my best girl.

You bite back a moan and push two fingers inside yourself.

You can almost feel their hands on you, their hot kisses, gentle nips of your skin, but you can’t find the feeling of them inside you. You quicken your hand and replay the images faster in your mind. You miss them, you need them, you want them. You come hard and fast with a shudder, your eyes snapping back open.

There she is. That’s our girl.

“F-fuck,” You breathe to yourself, pulling your hand out of your shorts. Your chest is heaving, a light sheen of sweat over you, and your core throbs like your body wants you to go again.

“Oh my god,” You breathe, pushing yourself off the bed and stumbling into the bathroom, “what is wrong with you, get a grip,”

You shake it off, trying to ignore the fact that you just thought about them while you were getting yourself off. It’s just heat, that’s all it ever is with them, that has to be it. Hot alphas will always scramble your brain at a time like this, you just have to listen to yourself and get a grip.

With a sigh you wash your hands, crawl back into bed, and try to just fall asleep and ignore the images still looping in the back of your brain.

You don’t sleep though, you can’t.

You toss and you turn, and you ache, but you don’t sleep.

Around the third hour of trying to soothe your cramps with a heating pad that you decide to say fuck it and ask for help. You have a small window of time to get to wherever you’ll be spending the duration of your heat, and even though you know with your suppressants this won’t be quite as bad as before, your body still wants.

For a second you think about Mingi. You miss his hands, his easy smile, the way he would slowly stroke your back and massage your hips. You miss his scent, his warmth, and his all encompassing comfort. But things have just started to get back to normal at the studio with him and Yunho and you can’t let a moment of heat weakness lead you back.

You open your phone, flipping through social media in an attempt to distract your mind but before you know it you have Yunho’s contact open and you’re fighting the urge to call, just to hear his voice for a second.

Your finger hovers over the button, you can hear his voice in your mind.

Sweetheart, just tell me where you are, I’m coming to get you.

You can see it.

But it’s just your heat. No matter how much Wooyoung likes to tease you about having a crush, it’s just this. Biology you can’t control rewiring your brain and telling you that they’re your perfect match. But you don’t believe in perfect matches or scent pairings. You don’t.

A particularly tight cramp ripples through your middle and you clench your fist through the pain, shifting in your bedding once again, sweat building at your brow.

In a flash of genius and panic, you close Yunho’s contact card and open another.

The phone rings and rings.

He’s busy, you’ve probably missed him, and when he offered he was drunk anyways so he probably doesn’t remember but then suddenly the phone clicks and connects and his warm voice fills your ear, “Hey, y/n,”

“S-Seonghwa,” You sigh, trying to sound as put together as possible, “hey,”

“Is everything okay?” He checks, and you hear a little background noise and hope to god he’s not still at the studio.

“Definitely,” You press your eyes closed and bite the inside of your lip to keep from making a tight, stressed sound.

“Okay…” He waits a moment and then adds, “then what’s going on? You never call,”

The cramp passes and you take a breath, “Sorry, are you busy? I can call later,”

“No, no,” He says, “I’m just grabbing a drink with Wooyoung and Joong,”

“Is that y/n?” You hear Wooyoung in the background, “Tell her to come meet us!”

“Woo,” Seonghwa’s voice sounds a little far from the receiver and then he comes back on the line, “If you’re free, you can come meet us? We were just thinking about dinner, Hongjoong has a new project for us, you might be interested,”

“Oh,” For a second, in the space between your cramps you forget why you called in the first place, “a new song?”

“Two,” You can practically hear the smile on Seonghwa’s face.

“Exciting,” You smile.

“So what do you say,” Seonghwa says, “come out?”

You would, you wish you could, but you shake your head, “I can’t, I actually… I’ll be out for a couple of days. I submitted the paperwork this morning,”

“Are you going somewhere?” He asks, not yet picking up on the obvious.

“Leave,” You smile at his question.

“Leave,” He repeats, “oh, oh leave!”

“Say it louder, Seonghwa,” You groan.

“Is that why you’re calling?” He says, and a little blush creeps into your cheeks at the thought that he’s with other people and talking to you about this like it’s nothing.

“Kind of,” You admit, “I don’t know, you’re busy I just remembered what you said, but you don’t have to,”

“How are you now? I’m at least thirty minutes away, is that too long?”

Warmth blooms in your chest, “I’m fine, honestly, go have dinner,”

You can practically see him rolling his eyes when he says, “Stop being a martyr. Listen, I’ll call you right back, okay?”

“Okay,”

“And don’t worry,” He assures, his voice honeyed and warm, “I will call, I’ll only be a minute,”

“Okay,” You manage, “thank you, Hwa,”

He says something more but you miss it with the light commotion in the background, and then the line clicks dead.

It takes two minutes, but he calls you right back.

“Hey,” You sigh into the receiver.

“Can you text Woo your address?” Seonghwa asks first, “We’re grabbing a cab,”

“Oh,” You flip the phone on speaker and start typing, “okay, yeah, I’m… Seonghwa, are you sure?”

“Mhm,” He replies, “as long as you are.”

“Give me the phone,” You hear Wooyoung and immediately laugh.

“What do you want?” Seonghwa says, clearly not talking to you.

“Phone,” You hear him say and then after a brief groan, Wooyoung’s voice is in your ear, “Hey, you,”

“Hey,” Something about him calms you instantly.

“How far gone are you? Should we pick stuff up on our way or can you come back to my place?” He’s straight and to the point but still gentle, and you’re starting to feel glad that you called them and not anyone else.

“I’m fine,” You assure him, “I can make it to yours. My roommates are here, I think it would be….”

“Got it,” He says, “well just rest, we’ll be there soon,”

Tears well up in your eyes and you sniffle softly, trying to keep it to yourself.

He picks up on the soft sound immediately, “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?”

You swallow and wipe away the gathering moisture, “Nothing, you’re both just being so nice,”

“Aw,” He murmurs, “jagiya you’re one of us now, we always take care of each other.”

“Is she crying?” You hear Seonghwa’s voice raise an octave in the background.

“She’s good,” Wooyoung brushes it off, “alright, twenty minutes okay, get your stuff, take a deep breath, and I’ll text you when we’re downstairs.”

“Thanks, Woo,” You manage.

“Deep breaths,” He reminds, and then he’s gone.

You must be insane. You must be fully crazy to invite this type of chaos into your life twice with yet another group of men, but something about this feels right. It feels safe and sure, and something about Wooyoung being an omega too is just making all of this feel so much simpler than last time. At least where your heart is concerned.

It takes you all twenty minutes to get your things together, but you decide to focus on this instead of what all this chaos might mean. You pack a bag of necessities and then change into something loose but more presentable than your sleep clothes. When your phone buzzes again you don’t even look down at it, you just know that it’s Wooyoung arriving right on the dot and you slip out of your apartment as quietly as you can.

Downstairs a car waits across the street and when Seonghwa emerges to greet you, he rushes forwards to take your bags. Your cheeks light up with blush and you have to take a half, staggering step backwards, already being outside and in the presence of an alpha your subconscious mind is reacting to him.

“Let me get these,” Seonghwa says, pulling the bags from your hands, and the touch of his warm skin along yours has a shaky breath leaving your lips.

“Thanks,” You murmur, watching him pack them into the trunk of the cab, and then he turns.

He takes a good look at you and nods, “Yeah, let’s get you to Woo’s,”

“Is it obvious?” You cup your cheeks.

“Not too much,” He assures you, extending his hand for you to take, “but let’s not waste time,”

“Let’s go,” You nod, and he tugs you forwards gently to get you into the car. You settle into the middle seat between Wooyoung and Seonghwa easily.

“Doing good?” Wooyoung asks you, trying to be subtle in front of the driver.

“Mhm,” You nod, and you smile when he laces your fingers together and gives you a squeeze.

Seonghwa gives the next address to the driver and you’re away.

It’s quiet at first, all you can focus on is the way the miles slowly tick down on the map the driver is using, and you try to breathe through your mouth in the closed car full of competing scents but it’s nearly impossible. Seonghwa’s scent envelops you easily, especially in the closed air circulation of the car. Warm, like freshly brewed coffee. You close your eyes as a cramp passes through you and you try not to think of him even though his leg keeps bumping into yours every time the car takes a turn.

The automated sound of a window breaks your concentration and you glance to your side. Seonghwa isn’t looking at you, but he’s cracked the back window a couple of inches, and the pulse of clean air leaves you able to take a shaky inhale and exhale. Wooyoung squeezes your hand again.

The mileage counter keeps clicking down. Seonghwa’s scent stays present in your mind despite the fresh air. Your stomach tightens. The car takes a particularly curving turn and your body is pressed against Seonghwa’s from knee to shoulder and you squeeze Wooyoung’s hand back instead of letting the whine in your throat bubble out.

Your stomach clenches again, and then you feel it. A rush of slick as your body prepares, a flushing flood of hot warmth rolling up your body and through your cheeks. Seonghwa’s arm crosses over you like a seatbelt and he closes his hand over your left thigh, his thumb drawing slow circles to keep you steady and protect you from anyone noticing.

You let yourself glance up at him once more, but he’s still focused out the window, doing his best to comfort you without drawing an ounce of attention.

“Out front?” The driver asks suddenly, and you realize the building ahead across the intersection must be theirs.

“That’s perfect,” Seonghwa replies smoothly, “thank you.”

The minute it takes to cross the intersection feels never ending, and then suddenly things start moving at two-times speed. As the heat cramps increase, Seonghwa’s arm is around your waist and Wooyoung is left hauling your stuff up into the elevator. They get you inside smoothly and as the doors close, Seonghwa lets out a sigh of relief.

“I thought I was going to have to fight every alpha in the lobby,” Seonghwa laughs as the elevator begins to climb, “are you sure you’re on suppressants?”

You can’t help but elbow him slightly in the ribs, “Yes,”

“I’m kidding,” He squeezes you, “you just smell like an extremely edible cake,”

“Mm,” You murmur as a small cramp passes, “well, you know, this is why I’m on the strong stuff,”

The elevator doors open and Wooyoung steps out before you, glancing to either side down the apartment hallway before beckoning you both forwards. He gets out his keys and glances over his shoulder at you both, “Which?”

You tell him the brand as you lean harder on Seonghwa who hushes you softly with a comforting squeeze.

“Ah,” Wooyoung nods, “no wonder,”

You open your mouth to ask him what he means by that, but he’s too busy pushing open the door to his apartment and opening it up for you both to slip inside.

His place is overwhelmingly simple and clean, utilitarian with dark black furniture and gray moody accents, but it suits him. He drops his keys off on the kitchen island and beckons you inside, “Come on in, get comfortable,”

Seonghwa steers you to the couch and settles you down on the middle cushion, “So, where are we at?”

Settled onto the couch now, you honestly feel fine. Your back hurts a little, and your joints are a little stiff, but the aching, pulsing pain you felt back at your apartment has mostly dissipated, “I think I’m fine,”

“Yeah?”

“I mean,” You cross your legs, your hands itching to wrap a cozy blanket around yourself but finding none, “off meds I was practically feral, this is…. manageable,”

“Manageable is good,” Seonghwa smiles.

Wooyoung settles his hand over your yours, soothing your little trembles and then he dips his head to catch your eyes, “I have a room all set up,”

“You do?” Your eyes widen.

“Mm,” He tangles your fingers together again and gives you a squeeze, “I used to have a roommate but when he moved out I just converted the second bedroom,”

“Oh,” You breathe, and you can’t imagine the expense to maintain an apartment large enough to have your very own heat sanctuary, but you dream of the day you get to.

“Let’s go relax in there,” Wooyoung nods, “maybe you’ll like it and get a little sleep,”

“Should we talk?” You glance up at Seonghwa.

“We will,” Seonghwa assures you as he shrugs off his blazer, “but go get comfortable, I’ll start setting up,”

“Setting up?” You ask, confusion evident in your voice.

“Ah,” Wooyoung bumps you with his shoulder, “our Seonghwa takes his caretaker responsibilities very seriously,”

“You’ll want for nothing here, jagiya,” Seonghwa smiles and takes a slight bow, “Wooyoungie is the most pampered omega in Seoul, it will be nice to take care of someone less bratty for a change,”

You laugh sharply and cover your mouth with your hand, “What have I gotten myself into?”

“A fun weekend,” Seonghwa smiles, “now relax, let Woo show you the place.”

Already this feels less stressful than before, and maybe that’s the level of your heat or maybe it’s them, but it feels easy. Wooyoung pulls you up and watches you carefully as you stand to make sure you’re feeling well, and then he guides you down the hall.

Wooyoung’s nesting room is exactly what you’ve been looking for. The bed in this room isn’t necessarily large, but what it is, is covered in blankets and plush pillows. The second bedroom of his apartment has been so smoothly converted into an office and omega haven that you almost wish you had been here for your last, harder heat.

“Okay,” Wooyoung walks you in, “there’s a robe on the back of the door you can use, the mini fridge is pretty stocked, and on that shelf by the bed there’s lozenges, wipes, towels, you name it.”

“Oh my God,” You breathe, scanning over everything as he gestures.

“And over in that bedside table,” He points out the single nightstand, “there’s pretty much any toy you’ll need.”

“Oh,” You blush.

“Hwa and I will be here, of course,” He assures you, “but I like a little extra something,”

“Right,” You smile, “of course you do,”

A gentle knock on the door behind you brings you out of your focus, studying every inch of his perfect heat sanctuary and you turn to see Seonghwa leaning against the door frame.

“How are you feeling?” He asks gently.

“Like myself,” You tell him honestly, “it’s starting, but it doesn’t feel too bad.”

“Mm,” He nods, “it probably won’t be quite as bad as last time, but I’m certainly here for whatever you need,”

“Thank you, Hwa,” You smile, “I can’t thank you enough,”

His eyes light up with warmth and then he looks over you both, “This is nice,” he comments, “the two of you in here,”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” Wooyoung laughs as he leans against the desk, “no one’s ready for your knot yet,”

A throb pulses through you, but blissfully no one notices.

“I just think it’s nice,” He shrugs, “two pretty omegas,”

You blush.

“Oh,” Seonghwa smiles as he notices your pink cheeks, “you liked that,”

“Hwa,” You protest weakly.

“Ignore him,” Wooyoung cuts in front of you and leads you back to the bed, “get cozy, you’ll love this.”

He all but puts you in the bed himself, but in minutes you’re relaxed against the cushions, under cooling sheets and downy comforters. Seonghwa waits in the doorway while you get settled, but once you are he smiles and crosses the room to sit on the edge of the bed.

“You’re feeling alright?” He asks, reaching for your hand.

“So far,” You nod, “and this bed is wildly comfortable,”

“Good,” Seonghwa’s fingers smooth over your wrist, slowly stroking your gland and easing you further, “I’m going to go fix you both something for dinner, and if you need anything in the meantime Wooyoung will be right here,”

“Okay,” You breathe.

“I’m going to give Sannie a ring too,” His voice evens out in his chest, low and warm and tender to keep you melting into the bed under you, “is it okay if I tell him you’re here?”

“Sure,”

“Alright then,” He smiles, “just relax,”

“Feeling pretty relaxed,” You tell him.

The sound of your phone vibrating on Wooyoung’s desk draws your eyes, but you focus back on Seonghwa when he says, “I’m sure we can relax you more, don’t worry.”

“You’re forward,” You nudge his thigh.

“And you called me for sex,” He shrugs, “who’s forward now?”

Wooyoung laughs sharply and claps his hands, “This weekend is going to be very fun,”

Your phone buzzes again, then again, and your brows draw together as you look towards it, “Could you,”

Seonghwa doesn’t let you finish your sentence, he crosses the room quickly and then passes your phone over to you, “I’ll be back in a little while, okay?”

“Thank you,”

He nods with a warm expression, and then leaves you and Wooyoung be inside this little cocoon.

“Glad you called?” Wooyoung grins, cheeky and teasing.

“Mm,” You sink deeper into the pillows behind you, “I might have to move in, just for this bed,”

His nose crinkles, “We’ve got to update your space, you should have somewhere like this too,”

“I’d like that,” You sigh, “someday,”

Your phone buzzes again.

“Soon,” Wooyoung dismisses, “until then you can always come here,”

“Well, that’s really nice of you, but,” You tear your eyes away from him to finally illuminate the screen of your phone and your words die on your lips when you see the messages.

Yunho’s name on your screen makes your breath quicken and you open the chat.

hey I got your paperwork. of course it’s fine, but would you please let me know you’re somewhere safe?

I probably shouldn’t have asked that.

I just want to make sure you made it home safely, that’s all. If you need help getting home, you know I’m only a phone call away.

Just… please let me know.

“y/n?” Wooyoung’s voice breaks through your buzzing brain as you read Yunho’s messages over and over.

“What?” You manage, glancing up for the briefest second to catch his worried expression.

“What’s going on?” He asks softly.

“Um,” You murmur, but then your phone buzzes in your hand again, this time not a message from Yunho at all.

He’s freaking out a little bit, but I told him you’re probably already home and sleeping.

Which you are, right?

The two texts from Mingi hang in front of you and a tense feeling knots up in your throat.

“Hey,” Wooyoung interrupts again, pushing his way into the bed beside you without preamble and sidling up to your side, “are you crying?”

“No,” You shake your head, “sorry, I just,”

He waits, holding your gaze with his warm brown eyes and attentive nods, and before you know it you’re letting the phone fall into his hands.

He reads the texts quietly, and then hums, “They’re worried,”

“I know,” Your voice is small.

“Do you want to respond?” He asks.

“I don’t know,” You confess honestly.

“You don’t owe them anything,” He murmurs quietly, locking your phone and setting it to the side so he can turn to you, “I know I keep teasing you about it, but if you wanted to be with them you would have called them. You know how you feel, not me,”

He smooths your hair back and cups your cheek, gathering you a little closer under the covers. You take a deep, shaky breath, and the sudden scent of him all around you feels like a blanket. Fresh linen and summer salt, like falling into bed after a long day in the sun on the beach. His skin is warm against yours and familiar.

“Do you really think that?” You ask.

“Mhm,” He all but whispers, “and either way, you don’t owe them a response right now. You owe yourself rest,”

“Yeah,”

He gives you a minute, and then rubs his thumb over your cheek, “You want to watch something dumb? Maybe fall asleep on me?”

You nod, lips locking tight as your throat stays tense. You feel like if you talk about anything else you might start crying, so you let him pull you closer and grab the remote for the TV mounted on the far wall. He doesn’t ask you what you want to watch, he doesn’t push you any further, he knows you need him to just take care of things before you crumble and text them back.

He selects something funny without putting too much thought into it, and wraps his arm around you as you settle your cheek onto his chest. This was what you were missing so much the last time you went through heat, the steadying comfort of another omega. Your fluttering nerves fall away, and his scent makes you feel warm and your eyes heavy.

“Woo,” You murmur into his shirt.

“Yeah?”

“You’re the best friend I’ve ever had,” You confess.

He sighs, fingers finding yours under the comforter, “And you’re mine,”

You snuggle into him a little more, fingertips brushing the warm hollow of his throat and your heart slowing to a steady, easy rhythm to pump in time with his. Distantly as you fall into sleep, you feel the buzz of your phone again somewhere halfway across the mattress, but this time you don’t even open your eyes.

Wooyoung silences it when it buzzes again, his words soft against your hair when he says, “It’ll all wait until tomorrow, babe, you just rest easy,”

You nod, a yawn taking over you and he chuckles.

“Just sleep,” He murmurs softly, and you do, their messages left unanswered.

#this night together fic #ateez ff #ateez fic #ateez smut #yunho x reader #mingi x reader #seonghwa x reader #wooyoung x reader #yungi x reader #yunho #mingi #hongjoong #seonghwa #wooyoung #honeyhotteoks fics

664 notes · View notes

noahsmuse · 20 days

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being in a relationship with noah hc’s

-he’s a gentlemen first and foremost !!!! he holds your shopping bags, will literally RUN in front of you just so he can hold the door for you, pulls your seat out in restaurants and opens the car door for you when your getting inside and out of the car

-he notices everything new about you, did you re-dye that one part of your hair ? he knew it immediately. he’s a very observant guy and always compliments how you look, saying that your hair, makeup, outfit etc. looks amazing especially if he can tell if your experimenting with new looks and products

-he remembers EVERYTHING about you, no matter whether good or bad. just like how he’ll poke fun at you whenever you trip over your own feet and claims you need to be wrapped up in bubble wrap. BUT he does remember things like what you usually order at different restaurants, what your favorite kind of drink is and exactly how you like it

-doing fashion shows for him after you get mail or come back from the mall !!!!! as soon as you’d walk through the door with your new clothes, he’s SAT. and ready for you to try on your new wardrobe, he thinks you look great in everything and is a VERY good hype-man

-since he’s off social media & doesn’t have his own, he makes it a point to follow you from the band account and also likes every single new post you make, sometimes will even leave silly little comments in relation to whatever you just posted….he’s REALLY down bad for you

-> because of the new found fame for the band and since he deleted his social media accounts, he 100% has a private instagram where he only follows you, the band & crew and some of his other close friends. he posts SO many photos of you and puts some on his story almost everyday, you also had to help him learn how to take good instagram photos. (he’s so proud whenever you actually post one of the photos he took)

-while him & the band create new music for their new albums, he absolutely loves it when you just sit in there with him. you don’t have to do a single thing but just sit there, he does like to hear your opinion on what you think about the new songs and if anything needs to be changed. sometimes you’re even part of the album, he mixes in your laughs and sometimes even your moans

-when he gets invited to/buys tickets concerts, you’re always the very first person that he asks if you wanna come with him (especially if he knows that a band or artist you both like is playing), and obviously you do ?!?!

-> whenever you both are around big crowds, he’s got his hand on your back or holding your hand, guiding you through the big groups of people

-he loves to go on small little vacations/getaways in the little bit of time that he has off from touring and making music !!!!! especially because of how much time the both of you would be spending together, making memories and exploring somewhere new :)

-even though you’re more than welcome to steal any of his hoodies, he always saves you a hoodie/shirt from the online drops. and when you visit them on tour, you just HAVE to get a shirt from each tour (more than half of your entire closet is probably bad omens merch at this point)

-> and of course he loves when you style bad omens merch to match what you wear everyday, he also eventually lets you become one of the models for online merch drops (with some photos of you together which makes the fans go CRAZY)

-for arguments, i don’t think that you both would have very often. since the both of you have learned that if you sit down and have a genuine conversation about what things/topics that could cause conflicts can avoid those heated arguments

-the days when he gets back from tour, usually you both just order something or sometimes make a meal to eat with him and he LOVES to just lay down, share a blanket and cuddle you after being gone for so long while watching an anime you both like ♡

#noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian fluff #noah sebastian headcanons #bad omens x reader

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makeitmingi · 8 months

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Cause Baby You're My Muse [Chapter 31]

Genre: Romance, Idol!AU, Music, Slight angst

Pairing: Mingi x Reader (y/n)

Characters: Producer!Reader, IdolLyricist!Mingi, IdolProducer!Hongjoong, Idol!Seonghwa, Idol!Yunho, Idol!Wooyoung, Idol!San, Idol!Yeosang, Idol!Jongho, cameo(s) by other celebrities

Summary: You always preferred producing underground, having an unknown face and governed by your own rules. But when you start freelancing for idol groups, you say goodbye to your lone wolf lifestyle as you learn to work with idol producers and lyricists.

Word count: 3.2K

With the main title song completed and approved, the Ateez boys had been busy learning the choreography and practicing. You were working with the other producers on the other songs that would be in the album too.

"Before I go, Indigo. I wanted to speak to you." Eden said. You turned away from your computer to face him.

"So I am aware that you have been in a relationship with Mingi for a while now." He stated. At his words, your stomach sank and your heart stopped.

"I-I... I'm so sorry, Eden." You shook your head, standing up and bow repeatedly to him.

"There's no need to apologise, Indigo." Eden said. You still didn't feel calmed down, looking at the conflicted look on his face.

"As a friend, I congratulate the both of you. But as your senior... I would caution the both of you to be careful with how you act around each other in the presence of others." Eden advised.

"We will be more careful, Eden." You promised.

"With the comeback coming up and you just starting your career outside of the underground scene and you know Mingi had some heat for taking a few breaks, I would hate for things to get ugly and out of hand. If you know what I mean..." He hinted. You nodded, fully aware of what he meant without him needing to say it.

"Ateez doesn't have a dating ban. From the start, it was always established by the management but you know how scary some fans can be." He said.

"No matter what, I would always put Mingi before myself. As long as he is safe and unharmed, I will take the heat for it." You said with determination. Eden gave a nod.

"I won't tell the management. It's not my place to tell." Eden sighed.

"Thank you." You bowed. You didn't bother asking Eden how he knew because it didn't matter to you at this point, he already knew.

"But you do know that when it comes down to it, the company has to choose to protect their artist." He said. That was fine, in fact, you would prefer them to protect Ateez and Mingi over you.

"Of course I hope it doesn't get to that point. You have a really bright future and career as a producer Indigo. I would hate for you to disappear underground again. There's so much more you can do above ground." He chuckled.

"Thank you for saying that. I won't let it get to that point, I promise. For Ateez and Mingi's safety and career. They've been through too much to be scrutinised again." You said.

"You're really selfless, Indigo. Willing to forgo your career for them." He raised an eyebrow.

"That's what love does, I guess. Not just between Mingi and I but with all the Ateez boys. They grow on you." You giggled.

"I understand that." He nodded, having ben there.

"Plus, Mingi's been happier. You can tell when you look at him and work with him. He's more productive and more positive, in terms of his anxiety too." He smiled.

"That's all him. It has nothing to do with me." You shook your head, not wanting to take any of that credit away from Mingi. Even if Eden disagreed, he didn't correct you. He merely nodded his head.

"Alright, that's the busy work senior side. But as a friend, I'm happy for you and Mingi. Congratulations." Eden chuckled, standing up to give you a hug. You laughed along and wrapped your arms around him. When he moved to leave your studio and let you get back to work, you stopped him.

"Actually, there's something else I need to talk to you about..." You chewed on your bottom lip.

Mingi yawned, coming out of his room. He massaged his shoulder as he walked to the kitchen, feeling the ache from the long hours of dance practice.

"Captain." Mingi bowed his head, acknowledging the male.

"Mingi ah..." Hongjoong started. Mingi hummed in question as he faced the fridge, looking for a cold drink.

"Eden knows about you and Indigo..." Mingi stopped at Hongjoong's words. His eyes widened as he closed the fridge and turned around to face him properly.

"What did you say?" Mingi asked, hoping he heard wrongly.

"Eden knows about your relationship. I'm giving you a heads up. I told you two to be more careful." Hongjoong frowned slightly. He didn't want to lecture Mingi for being physical with you when you were dating but he was the leader of the group, he had to think about how this would affect everyone.

"We are careful, hyung. Indigo sets very strict boundaries when we're at work." Mingi argued.

"Well, you were obviously not careful enough for people outside the group to now know." Hongjoong pointed out. There was no point in arguing when it was the truth.

"Is he going to tell?" He cast Hongjoong a side glance.

"No, he won't. But he asked me if I knew and how long have I known." Hongjoong crossed his arms. Mingi let out a sigh of relief.

"But we don't have a dating ban, hyung. The fans knew that since we debuted and would expect it, sooner or later. It could be any one of us." Mingi reasoned.

"Yes, they may expect it. But that doesn't mean they will react well to it. We're talking about safety here, Mingi ah. Not just yours but Indigo's, Haneul's, your family's, even the rest of the other members." Hongjoong said.

"I'm only saying this because I want to know if you and Indigo are prepared." Hongjoong sighed.

"Prepared for?" Mingi asked quizically.

"The worst. If the company finds out and when the fans find out. What sacrifices are you going to make? Where do your priorities lie? Where does Indigo play into all this?" He explained.

"Whatever it is, Indigo is my priority. I promised her that I'll keep her and Haneul safe. That's the bottom line." Mingi said firmly.

"I won't let all this harm the members, hyung. If anything happens, this is all on me and me only. I'll take whatever blame and responsibility." He added.

"Let's hope it doesn't get to that point then." Hongjoong looked at Mingi with knowing eyes.

The captain didn't say much more and left the kitchen. While he was proud of Mingi for being courageous and putting you before himself and his career, Hongjoong was worried. He treasured the both of you like his younger siblings, he wouldn't want to lose any of you because of a scandal like this.

"Mingi ah. You okay?" Yunho, having heard the whole conversation, emerged from behind the wall.

"Mhmm. I'm fine." Mingi lied through his teeth. He clenched his jaw, turning around to face the fridge, stoically getting an iced coffee out to drink.

"You know Hongjoong hyung is worried about both you and Indigo. It's hard for him." Yunho said. Mingi nodded glumly.

"We're with you. Whatever you need." Yunho reminded.

"Thanks, Yun." Mingi gave a nod.

"I'm going to call her and tell her. If Eden hyung hasn't spoken to her, she should at least know that he knows and be prepared for it." Mingi stated and walked out of the kitchen.

Yunho looked at Mingi's retreating back. He was worried for his best friend. Mingi has become genuinely happier after being with you. But if your relationship were to get out, the whole group would suffer with the two of you suffering the most.

"Hey. Can you talk?" Mingi pressed the phone to his ear.

"Yeah... I was actually just about to call you but I got held up at my meeting." From the tone of your voice, Mingi already knew that you knew.

"I'm guessing Eden already spoke to you?" He asked. There was a short pause before the sigh and the hum from you.

"Are you okay?" He asked further.

"I am. Don't worry. We just have to be more careful in the future. And Eden said he's not going to tell the management. We can't let things get out of hand." You were trying to sound calm and positive.

"How much more careful can we be? I already barely see you and we work in the same building." Mingi openly expressed his frustration.

"I know that. We don't have a choice now, do we, Mings? We're lucky that it's Eden this time, someone we're both close to. Had it been another staff member we're not familiar with, who knows what they could do? Them telling the management would be the least of our worries at that point."

"You're right. I'm sorry." Mingi sighed.

"No need to be sorry, Mings. We're both scared but it's going to be okay. We'll be okay." You promised. Mingi hated that you had to calm him down when you were probably feeling the same way as him.

"We'll work together. Just please... Please don't leave me." Mingi caved and let his real fear show.

"I won't, Mings."

"Okay, I'll let you go back to work. I just wanted to make sure you're okay. I'll see you tonight?" He said. Mingi was going to come over when his practice ended.

"Sure. And thanks for checking in, I'm glad we talked right away. Yes, I'll see you after your practice tonight."

"I love you." Mingi blurted.

"I love you too." You chuckled and hung up.

Mingi dropped onto his bed as he stared at the ceiling. He turned his head to see the photo of you on his nightstand. You didn't know he had this photo because he had taken it secretly. You were looking out the window with a soft smile on your face.

"Beautiful." Mingi said softly, a small smile of adoration appearing on his face. He was worried you would run away because he wanted to run away. But he couldn't do that to you and the others.

"Everyone get ready for practice!" Hongjoong's yelling sounded out through the dorm.

"I'll see you later." Mingi kissed the photo and went to change.

"I'm pumped and ready!" Wooyoung jumped up and down. From the demeanour and behaviour of the others, Mingi's guessing that they don't know what happened.

"I think Atiny will like the songs and dance." Yeosang smiled.

"And we have two songs! One title and one performance song. Double kill." San made slicing actions with his hands.

"Of course they will like it. This song was made by the amazing brain of Producer Indigo." Jongho scoffed. Once everyone was accounted for, Hongjoong ushered everyone out. They climbed into their vans, driven by their managers. Mingi put his AirPods in, keeping his cap low as he let the music drown out his thoughts.

"I miss Indigo. We've all been so busy, we work in the same building but it's like two separate countries." Wooyoung shook his head with a click of his tongue.

"Mangi ah. Have you seen her recently? Or spoken to her?" Wooyoung sat up in his seat.

"I haven't seen her. We called but she's busy and we don't want to disturb each other." Mingi replied. Seeing Mingi put his AirPod back on, Wooyoung nudged Yunho and threw a nod over to Mingi.

"He was up working on lyrics so he's tired." Yunho smoothly lied.

"Juggling producing and performing is not easy." San shook his head, looking at Mingi with sympathy.

When the vans pulled up, the boys all stepped out. They piled into the lift and headed up to the dance studio. While waiting for their choreography team, they spread apart to start warming up on their own. When the door opened, their CEO walked in.

"CEO Kim." All 8 of them stood up, going to where he was at the doorway and standing in a line to bow to him. The suited male smiled at the 8 of them.

"Hello, boys. Working hard on your comeback?" He asked.

"Yes." The 8 of them chimed. It was like they were all trainees, waiting to impress for the chance to debut.

"Good, good. I know all of you are hard workers. Indigo has proven to be an asset to the producing team." He nodded. Mingi couldn't help but stiffen when he mentioned you.

"Are you doing okay, Mingi?" He asked.

"Y-Yes, sir. I'm okay, thank you for your concern." Mingi bowed his head.

"That's good to hear. Ateez is the best when we have all 8 of you together." He said. Everyone nodded in agreement while Mingi let out a mental sigh of relief, the CEO hadn't noticed his slight reaction and was only referring to the break Mingi took from group activities because of his anxiety.

"Anyway, I just dropped by to say hello and see how you guys were coming along with practice. I'm going to meet with the producing team now. All the best boys." CEO Kim explained.

"Thank you." The 8 of them all bowed to him again.

"Thank you for dropping by, sir." Hongjoong stepped forward and shook his hand. Giving the captain a pat on the shoulder, the CEO left the practice studio.

"The CEO seems to like Indigo. That's good." Seonghwa smiled like a proud mother.

"Hyung, you look like a proud parent." Wooyoung snickered.

"I feel like one. Knowing that my child just got praised." Seonghwa clutched his heart, closing his eyes dramatically. They all continued warming up until the choreographer and his team came.

"Please take care of us." The 8 of them bowed.

"Likewise. Thank you for all the hard work you've been putting in everyone. Let's have another safe and productive dance practice session." The choreographer smile and everyone clapped, nodding in agreement. They picked up from where they left off.

You were working on the music tracks when your doorbell rang. You paused the music and stood up, going to the door. Your eyes widened when you saw the CEO and Eden there.

"CEO Kim." You immediately bowed deeply to greet him. In reality, your heart was pounding in your chest. Did he find out?

"Hi, Indigo. I just came to see how the progress of the tracks are." He smiled kindly.

"Oh, yes! Please, come in." You stepped aside to invite them in. As he walked past you, Eden squeezed your shoulder, a signal for you to breathe and calm down.

"So the title track is done. Which is the choreography that the group is learning now. We're finishing up the performance track and we should be done within the next 3 days." You explained.

"Okay. What about the b-side tracks? I want the b-side tracks to be just as good as the titles." He said.

"Of course, sir. I completely understand. We're still working on the editing for the b-side tracks. We just got the raw vocals for track 7 and will work on it to get it done as soon as possible." You said. You were glad you wore your mask now so that it could hide your nervous, fearful expression.

"Alright. Good to see the tracks coming along well and on schedule. You really impressed me and the board with your track submissions. Eden did a good job bringing you in." He complimented.

"Ah, thank you." You bowed awkwardly.

"Would you consider signing on full time as a producer here? I think you have a lot to offer." He asked.

"I-I... I appreciate you thinking so highly of me, sir. If it's okay with you, I would like to just focus on this comeback first before deciding anything." You rubbed the back of your neck.

"That's a good mindset. I hope you will consider that as an option. Terms and conditions are flexible. We'll protect your identity if necessary." He promised.

"I'll keep that in mind, sir. Thank you."

"Yes, we'll definitely speak again after the comeback." He patted your shoulder. You nodded with a meek smile.

"Make sure to give the names of the members that worked on the tracks to the marketing and promotion department. The fans like seeing that, shows that the boys are a part of the writing and producing process." CEO Kim said to you and Eden.

"Of course." You both replied.

"I won't hold you for too long. It was nice speaking with you, Indigo. I wish you all the best and thank you for working hard on this comeback." He held his hand out to shake.

"Thank you for giving me this opportunity and for putting so much trust in me." You shook his hand.

"Let's discuss more in your office, Eden." He turned to your senior. You walked the both of them to the door, bowing once again.

"Oh my gosh..." You leaned back against the closed door, sliding down from your legs just completely giving out. You let out a shaky breath, finally breathing normally again.

After working for a few more hours, you took a bus home. You made a really quick and simple dinner, setting aside a portion under some covers for Mingi to have in case he was hungry later. With music playing in the background, you ate your dinner and went to take a quick shower.

'Hey, baby. Sorry, I'm running a little late. Don't wait up! - Mings'

Seeing the message from him, you turned off the lights outside and went to your home studio to work.

'Thank you for your revised track for the OST. We will create the lyrics and discuss on the singer that will perform the track. If you have any recommendations, please let us know.

- Representative'

You leaned back in your chair and smiled happily, proud that they finally approve of the OST track. You did some light work until you felt tired. Honestly, you did want to wait for Mingi, to welcome him and hug him.

"Ateez... Mingi fancam." You searched on your phone and watched a compilation of Mingi on stage to try to keep yourself awake.

"Baby? I'm here." Mingi called out softly when he entered the house. He spoke softly, worried that you would be asleep already. The house was dark, except for one kitchen light you left on.

'Didn't know if you had dinner but I prepared something for you. I know you're watching your carbs so I put the meat in lettuce wraps instead. - Love, (y/n)'

Mingi melted at your note. He folded it carefully and tucked it into his bag, not wanting to lose it.

"Fix on!" Mingi heard his own voice coming from the bedroom and walked in to find you asleep. You were holding your phone.

"What's this?" He tilted his head to watch the video playing on your phone.

'Mingi Fancam Compilation #4'

He cupped his hand over his mouth to stop his laughter from escaping and waking you up. This really made his day, all the tiredness just dissipated. Mingi actually left the room to laugh in the living room on his own. Why did he think it was so endearing of you to watch videos of him when he wasn't around?

"I love you so much." Mingi leaned over you to kiss your forehead. He gently removed the phone from your grasp and charged it on your nightstand before going to shower.

Series Masterlist

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herrlindemann · 9 months

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Metal Hammer - June 2019

Interview with Paul, Schneider, Flake and Richard

How did you motivate yourselves to record an album again after the long absence from the studio?

Richard: It wasn't that easy. If we want to go into the studio or write an album, it can't be done within a few weeks. That's why we always think very carefully about whether we really have the strength and stamina to do it. At the end of the day, you never know where we'll end up. It's always an adventure with us! In 2015, the idea of making a new album came up for the first time. I really didn't feel like doing it at the time because I thought it would involve a lot of controversy. But then we pulled ourselves together and said: Let's try to take all the pressure off. We are free from any contracts, our own masters. So let's just have a look. We start rehearsing and then when we have three or four songs that are okay, we put them out. And if we are not satisfied, we let it be completely.

Schneider: I understand the fans who might be annoyed after the long wait. But we need the time to be really good. That is always our aim: to get the maximum out of every note. Sometimes it's just a few percentage points that we improve within weeks, but they make the difference. But it's not easy: I wasn't always sure whether this record would actually exist. We have now spent three years in the rehearsal room and in the studio. The nice thing about it: In no other phase of the band's history have we understood each other as well as we do now, didn't yell at each other at work and thus survived musical crises.

Paul: But honestly, if I had known beforehand what kind of process this was going to be, phew my god. (Laughs) There really is a lot of blood, sweat and tears, anger and stress in this album.

You have decided to go new ways for the recordings. How did that happen?

Richard: We just wanted to try something new. And also in the way we produce — first we went to France with Tom Talget and Olsen Involtini instead of Jacob Hellner and Stefan Glaumann as before. Change is always a fragile thing: On the one hand, you don't want to change what you're successful with. On the other hand, you have the desire to develop as a musician. We then decided to leave our comfort zone. That didn't go smoothly either, at first we didn't really get along with Tom and Olsen. And Jacob Hellner has been a father figure in a way; someone who properly directs a production. Olsen doesn't do that and Tom doesn't do that. For me it felt like: Nobody knows where we should go anymore... Here you realize again: Astrologically speaking, Rammstein is fire, water and earth at the same time. What we lack is air, i.e. lightness. We tried to get air in. Olsen Involtini is such an aerial person.

Schneider: He managed to lead us through the difficult development phases of the album. We often have deadlocks: three of us are for one solution, three for the other. Then we just didn't continue, one idea fell by the wayside. That's where Olsen came in — he was in charge as producer, and you can feel that in the songs. Through him we came to new inspirations that we would not have found on our own.

Paul: This development was very important for us. We didn't want to make another album without challenges. We were about doing it differently just to do it differently. With Jacob it was like with a teacher on a school trip. The longer we were on the road, the more respect for each other dwindled. I love trying something where you don't know at the beginning what it will be like at the end. So it was a good idea for Richard to involve Olsen. When we have someone we accept—and that's not always easy for us—then it feels good to hear an informed opinion. With the six of us, everything is always very uncoordinated.

Did these new paths also encourage your creativity?

Schneider: On this album, I played my instrument very slowly in order to get involved in a way that served the respective song. It wasn't important to me to show what I can do — I only play what's really required on the album.

Richard, did you feel that ideas you brought up were more readily accepted by others?

Richard: Nah, I felt like my ideas were being viewed extremely critically. Of course, that's also because I've tried to push certain things through in the past. That sticks. Because I work a lot, there is sometimes hardly any space for the others. In addition, I have to make a sound. This time I worked with Till on some ideas and then brought finished demos to our meetings. But they were also picked apart, of course.

Is Till your first point of contact within the band?

Richard: It depends. He's hard to get hold of at times, then the others come into play first.

So in your case primarily Paul?

Richard: It used to be that Paul and I thought completely differently. Simply because we are different types. This time we often agreed. There was a change between me and Paul, which I find incredibly refreshing and also very productive. I don't even know how it happened that there wasn't any competition in the songwriting phase this time... Maybe because I thought: «Hey, if this is a good idea, it will eventually catch on. And if not, I'll take them to another project. » That worked for the most part, and it gave me a certain balance.

Paul: We had quite a long time off, after the break we got closer again. With an undertaking as intensive as Rammstein, you have to take a break from time to time, otherwise you'll eventually become stupid in the head. Richard and I first had to learn, in a creative sense, to be in one room again — Schneider helped us a lot with that.

But aren't you really good when you can rub each other?

Richard: Yes, that's true for me. But that meant that no one could stand me anymore. Lots of loneliness. I've learned. Whenever I thought it wouldn't work anymore, now I really have to say something, I consciously withdrew.

Have you ever thought about not continuing?

Richard: Of course! 100 times! Played through in any form... I'm definitely only doing Rammstein because I really want to. And I can still take the time to do other projects. They are and were very important to me. I probably wouldn't have survived without it. I recently asked myself the question: "What else should happen in my life?" I am a person who loves challenges. And, yes, Rammstein isn't everything in my life. It shouldn't be everything.

How do the others think about it?

Flake: I noticed that I can do something at Rammstein that I couldn't do in another world, I would never quit there. It's not even important to me that I play. I could just drive around with the troops, that would be enough for me. For me, that's the most beautiful thing in the world, especially this walking feeling. I was lucky that it's a band and not a gangster gang. But I would have found it just as good from the heart.

Schneider: We always have those moments, especially before the production periods, when we ask each other what is important for each individual and what the future should bring for all of us. While we haven't actually talked about an ending yet, we recognize that Rammstein is a finite story, even if there's no plan for it yet.

Paul: As long as we feel that the ship is still sailing and that the port has not yet been reached, we will continue. Should we enter a port, I would not be sad. I'm very fortunate to have a life alongside Rammstein. My personal goals with the band have been achieved for a long time anyway: I wanted to play at the Huxley in Berlin once and get on the plane with my guitar case. (laughs)

After that you made a tick. It would be much more difficult not to repeat oneself, especially in terms of content. Was it difficult to work out the themes of the eleven songs?

Schneider: The topics only emerge towards the end: With us, the musical ideas always come first, then Till gets the tapes. He had some incredibly creative periods on this production where he would rush to write everything we came up with. That was a great pleasure for us — I personally didn't expect it in this form, after all these years.

Were you worried about failing with the album?

Richard: If you work on an album for three or four years, you logically lose the relation. You don't know anymore if it's good or bad. But because we said at the beginning: « We'll just do something and if it doesn't work, we'll throw it away », no such concern arose. It was important that we didn't put ourselves under any pressure.

The success, especially that of the first single 'Deutschland' plus video, proves you right. Do you think the song stands out?

Paul: Anyway, there were really long discussions about the song. We thought hard about how to make a song about Germany that isn't embarrassing. Especially with this song, every point, every word was fought for until everyone was satisfied.

Schneider: The song inspired everyone in the band. In the beginning there were two different versions, but thanks to Olsen we were able to collectively choose one. For me, the song is about the ambivalent emotional relationship to this country. People of my generation can understand that. First there were two countries, suddenly one was gone. There were also times when I couldn't get the word 'Germany' off my lips. There was the FRG and the GDR, not Germany. I'm getting better at it now. It's a topic that's been on our minds for ages. German lyrics with heavy music — that's what we stand for. And now we managed to make a song about Germany, it's a big step for the band. The video is also very special to me: a reminder not to forget what used to be — but in a Rammstein way. A wall full of emotional historical events that come together in one clip. Like a teaser for a monumental film that you want to see afterwards.

Aren't you afraid that the song might be misinterpreted?

Schneider: For me, the song is an attempt to describe the state our generation is in. We live in a time in which many dare to express opinions that are no longer only propagated at the regulars' table.

Won't it feel weird when 80,000 fans on the stadium tour are chanting ‘Deutschland’ at the same time?

Paul: Our goal is for people who are as uptight as we are to shout out ‘Deutschland’ without feeling bad. It's very important that you can shout out ‘Deutschland’ once a year, at least at the Rammstein concert. You can go back to work the next day and feel ashamed. (laughs)

Flake: Playing in the stadium is actually something for opera. I've never seen a cool young band in the stadium, that's more for the half-dead, Rolling Stones or AC/DC. I would also never go to the stadium to see a band, it's not nice for either the performer or the spectator. That reminds me of the East with its cultural program. You see something, but you can't relate to it at all.

Will we hear explanatory announcements on the upcoming tour before you play the new songs, or will it stay with short and concise greetings?

Flake: I always scold Till when he’s too nice. (Laughs) I don't want to play in a band that's begging for applause either. I find that disgusting, I have to break up. I also think bowing at the end is stupid. The fans will clap if they want to, so I don't have to bow extra.

How does the new album compare to the earlier works?

Richard: I'm a big Mutter fan. This is 'our' album for me, that's why we play almost all the songs live. The new tracks also have this potential: I think that they are accepted live faster than the older albums because they are catchy. In hindsight, LIFAD wasn't our strongest album. I think the new album is much more interesting and musical, less controlled. Now we're kind of breaking out — at least that's how I feel about it. I'm often asked about the difference between the last album and the current one. I then answer: To me, the new album sounds like Rammstein in 3D. It has depth that we haven't had before.

And, still fancy another Rammstein album?

Schneider: You never know what the emotional set-up will be like in the next few years. We have learned not to limit ourselves too much on this topic. The desire is definitely there, but if not everyone wants it, then it may well mean the end.

Richard: There are five more songs that have already been written and mixed. Material is not so the problem. But another album? It's set in the stars.

#rammstein #paul landers #christoph schneider #flake #richard kruspe #till lindemann #interview #2019 #*translation #*#tumblr won't let me share the scans #sorry

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prettygirlstothefloor · 1 month

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Cowboy Carter Review

sorry if i write a lot. i like to yap lol

Ameriican Requiem- i'm a huge sucker for a sitar so i was gripped in from the beginning. i grew up on country music (mainly 90s/early 2000s) and so when she showed up at the CMAs and performed with the chicks it was a childhood dream. but as a person who liked country music around the time 9/11 happened, it's only become even more racist since. the way they treated her that night even though she was one of, if not THE, best performer of the night was so upsetting to watch. even as the best artist on the planet, at the top of her game, she's always going to work a million times harder than any of her peers. i'm so proud of her being able to make a song like to this to put her thoughts out on the whole night that night.

Blackbiird- obviously everyone has heard this song before. i was unaware of the actual backstory to the song since i don't follow the beatles too much (i like george harrison but that's about it lol). i was not aware that the song the song was written for black women during the civil rights movement. i assumed the song was mainly written by john lennon who to my knowledge was kind of a grifter when it came to his activism. having this song come right after ameriican requiem is so poetic.

16 Carriages- shockingly i was able to avoid hearing this song in full until tonight. i tend to only do one single per release and so texas hold em was the one. this song is so heartbreaking because i think about all the kids in the entertainment industry who can probably relate to this song all too well

Protector- these songs she makes for her kids... i'm gonna need her to stop. not because they're bad but i straight up can't listen to blue and probably this song because i want a mom like this 😭

My Rose- i hate that this is an interlude. it's so beautiful and not to be dramatic should've been 10 hours long

Smoke Hour • Willie Nelson- idk what to say about this one lol

Texas Hold 'Em- i love this song. the only problem i have with it is it sounds too clean. like the production sounds too clean. maybe it sounds better on the radio where the quality is lower than streaming but its definitely a song that needs to be played not so isolated.

Bodyguard- there's something in this song. she channeled carole king for this on or something. it's so good instantly a top 20 if not top 10 song of hers through her whole discography.

Dolly P- once again idk what to say about this one its too short to say anything

Jolene- i mean i think the same way about her version as i do about dolly's version. why are we getting mad at these women when we should be getting mad at the men?? take away that beyonce is beyonce for a second. if she was a normal lady and this girl was unaware her man was taken, isn't that more on him than anyone? he's letting it happen.

Daughter- her voice in this song is insanity. the control she has is unmatched truly.

Spaghettii- the beat omgggg. i know this would hit so hard in a mashup with "my house" i'm obsessed.

Alliigator Tears- just from hearing snippets of the country music that's on the radio nowadays, i think this might be one of the few songs from this album that they will eat up. i'm not saying that as a diss at all. i love this song alot especially after a second listen.

Smoke Hour II- i guess i can add on here a random tid bit. i made a country playlist in preperation for the album to come out. i made it on valentine's day. tell me why i named it KNTRY. i didn't even know the "radio station" she has on the album was called that lol.

Just for Fun- i don't listen to lana del rey anymore. i had a small time during last year where i did but then she got real messy again and signed that letter thanking joe biden. that being said this song sounds identical to "norman fucking rockwell". which is a compliment because both are good songs. keep jack antonoff away from beyonce though. that's the good thing about beyonce is she doesn't sound like everyone else which he makes everyone do (yes i am a fan of him but i'm critical of his production lol)

II Most Wanted- i'm sorry i've never been a fan of miley cyrus (except for the song she did for black mirror and that one EP she put out). i want to like this song because i like aspects of the song but it being a miley cyrus song with a beyonce feature is not want i want.

Levii's Jeans- this is also a collab i'm not a fan of. i actually enjoy post malone but i would've liked to see them in a more upbeat song.

Flamenco- idk how to take this song. it's stunning as usual. my thoughts on the lyrics though is she's kinda talking to fans maybe like the OG like destiny's child fans who have started to leave because she's starting to experiment more with her sound and they miss her old sound. i would love to know her take on this song in particular. because i know so many artists who decide to change their sound throughout each release are terrified of losing fans because they're so stuck on a certain sound.

The Linda Martell Show- another one i can't say much on since it's an interlude

Ya Ya- now.... remember what i said about bodyguard??? easily top 10. idk where on my ranking but it's there. the interpolation of "these boots were made for walking" and "good vibrations". there's something about that old soul rock sound that gets me every single time. i know that it doesn't sound anything alike but "freedom" has that same vibe, where it takes alot from old 60s blues soul rock. this is gonna hit so good on tour!

Oh Louisiana- i will say i really like this interlude. second favorite out of the ones with actual music

Desert Eagle- another song she chose to make extremely short when it should've been hours long... come on B

Riiverdance- its a fun and cute song. i think the beat is good but i think i like it more on my first listen.

II Hands II Heaven- i'm hoping this will finally click for me. im seeing everyone really love this song but idk whats not clicking for me. i'll definitely keep listening to it though maybe someday.

Tyrant- someone said this is the thique of cowboy carter and yeah i can definitely hear it. it's a sexy song and it's a fun song. definitely like it alot more after a second listen

Sweet • Honey • Buckiin'- her sampling "i fall to pieces" in this song is so special to me. i do want someone to take this "honey" and add it to the end of pure/honey though i wonder if it would sound any good. i think sweet and buckiin are the best songs out of the three of these.

Amen- i love how this really rounds out the album, calling back to the first song. it feels and is a very emotional song. don't know if i'll go back to it only because i think it could make me cry lol

overall, i think it's a solid album. if we're comparing the acts, which idk how you can because they're two distinctly different sounds, i would probably still go with renaissance but there's still so many solid songs on this album that are now some of my top faves. usually i rate out of 10 but it feels too low tbh, so i'm rating it out of 100. it will definitely grow on me just like renaissance did. 89/100.

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felizusnavidad · 8 days

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TTPD - my final thoughts

so... this album, according to taylor, came from a need to write. now i actually have the need to write this essay. it's an honest opinion, i gave it one last listen & i analysed all the lyrics. this is how i've spent my entire sunday. if you're a sensitive hardcore swiftie, don't even bother to read it. i've already lost a lot of followers because i was being honest lol. this is mostly for my friends, because they actually care about what i think. so i went through hell every song once again & those are my final thoughts (warning: i'm not being very nice & this is super chaotic & messy, but so is the album):

FORTNIGHT

super boring production & i usually love jack... i also can't believe it's the first single from this album? i like the music video tho. the b&w aesthetics are everything. she is kinda trying to sound like lana here, at least this was my first reaction when i heard this song. "i was a functioning alcoholic til nobody noticed my new aesthetic" - what the fuck does that even mean, i hate this line. "all my mornings are mondays stuck in an endless february" - i feel like she is trying to be poetic but this is such a weird line? kinda reminds me of how the first verse of "red" (the song) was a masterpiece, but she kinda got lost in the second verse, it's like trying to write as many metaphors as you can but they are just... not good. sometimes less is more. "i love you, it's ruining my life" - i love the way she sings this line & this line in general. i kinda like post malone in the outro (even tho i don't listen to his music). i don't give a shit about the lyrics to be honest, it's just not doing anything to me, i'm so indifferent (except those few lines i mentioned). overall it's a boring song & a skip for me. i tried to like it but i just... don't.

THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT

i don't hate this song, but i don't love it either. it has good moments. but it also has terrible ones. also, it's too damn long. i don't know. "you left your typewriter at my apartment, straight from the tortured poets department, i think some things i never say, like who uses typewriters anyway?" - i absolutely fucking love those lines, simple words, nothing "big" but i feel like this is what i love the most about taylor's songwriting - when she's not tying to be poetic & she is just writing simple things like that & i kinda love the way it rhymes, can't explain but this beginning is so good!!! "who's gonna hold you" - i love the way she sings this line. "we're modern idiots" - i also love this. "nofuckingbody" - sounds like something i would say so i'll take it. "you smoked then ate seven bars of chocolate, we declared charlie puth should be a bigger artist, i scratch your head, you fall asleep like a tattooed golden retriever." - & here we fucking go... i hate the way it doesn't rhyme? i usually don't mind it when things don't rhyme but somehow it really bothers me here? also this is such a terrible line & it ruins the whole song for me... i like the melody in the bridge tho & i kinda like how she mentioned jack there? i don't know why.

MY BOY ONLY BREAKS HIS FAVOURITE TOYS

i like the chorus? "once i fix me he's gonna miss me" - i know everyone loves that line but i don't??? i don't know, i just don't.

DOWN BAD

i kinda like the production. the melody is so great. "for a moment i knew cosmic love" - i just ADORE the way she sings it. "fuck it if i can't have him, i might just die, it would make no difference" - love it, so relatable. i don't have much to say about it but i like this song in general, it's not amazing, not a masterpiece, but i do like it & i will probably listen to it sometimes. maybe even add it to some of my playlists.

SO LONG, LONDON

beautiful intro, everybody say "thank you, aaron". i didn't love it on my first listen, it grew on me tho, i even love the production on this one now. it has simple lyrics, but it's beautiful. "so long, london, you'll find someone" - so simple & i love it. i love her voice in this song SO MUCH. "& i'm pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free" - i hate how much i relate. "i'm just mad as hell cause i loved this place... for so long..." - i had a mental breakdown today because of this one line. i can relate. also i think this is the best line in the entire song, at least to me.

BUT DADDY I LOVE HIM

nothing will ever save this song, even my boy aaron dessner. no, actually, the production is not bad, i have so many issues with the lyrics tho... "but daddy i love him! i'm having his baby! no i'm not but you should see your faces!" - i wanna die i wanna pretend i didn't hear it (also it's not only the fact that this line is fucking terrible, but the way she sings "his" - i don't even hear this word? the lyrics says it's there but i can't hear it? & it bothers me so much???). "stay away from her, the saboteurs protested too much" - is this line about us, the fans? the way i fucking laughed, this is embarrassing. (why is this song so long i hate it so much) ok, i hate how much i love the sound of the bridge because the melody is really really good there but the lyrics... "i'll tell you something right now, i'd rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of all this bitchin' & moanin', i'll tell you something about my good name, it's mine alone to disgrace, i don't cater to all these vipers dressed in empath's clothing, god save the most judgmental creeps who say they want what's best for me, sanctimoniously performing soliloquies i'll never see, thinking it can change the beat of my heart when he touches me and counteract the chemistry and undo the destiny you ain't gotta pray for me, me & my wild boy & all of this wild joy, if all you want is gray for me, then it's just white noise, & it's just my choice" - i'm sorry but the way i laughed I WANNA KILL MYSELF THIS IS TERRIBLE TERRIBLE I HATE IT SO MUCH SHE LITERALLY DIDN'T SAY THAT... wild boy, THIS IS SO STUPID OH GOD- i need therapy after listening to this song & i'm afraid she also needs therapy because this is just unhinged. i don't wanna talk about this song ever again, in a perfect world it doesn't exist. let's move on.

FRESH OUT THE SLAMMER

kinda nice melody, don't care about the lyrics at all because it's boring. also, why is she talking about marriage again, she is literally so desperate to get married it's almost scary. it feels like she doesn't even care who she's gonna marry, she just wants to get married, period. oh god.

FLORIDA!!!

i love the vibes, the production is FIRE! love love love florence in the second verse! "and my friends all smell like weed or little babies" - i know what she was trying to say, but i still hate this line lol it's so cringey. "well, me & my ghosts, we had a hell of a time" - love love love this line. ok, but to be fair, i don't know what this song is about, but i am vibing. i love it, it's good.

GUILTY AS SIN?

it grew on me, i love the melody, i love the production. i hate to admit it, because we all know what this song is about, but i actually genuinely love the lyrics. "oh, what a way to die" - love this line & the way she sings it. "i keep recalling things we never did, messy top lip kiss, how i long for our trysts, without ever touching his skin, how can i be guilty as sin?" - i hate myself, i love it so much, god help me. "i keep these longings locked in lowercase inside a vault" - as a lowercase girlie i had no choice but to love this line. ok, idc, i love this song, crucify me if you want.

WHO'S AFRAID OF LITTLE OLD ME?

i love the production, i think it's one of the best songs on this album. the way she screams "who's afraid of little old me?" - LOVE THAT. "well you should be" - love that, it's powerful. i love the entire bridge, it's so good, i just don't like the line "you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me", because wtf, is this about her childhood home? come on taylor, please, be serious. i think the way she sings "that i'm fearsome & i'm wretched & i'm wrong" is my favourite part of this song. i genuinely love it.

I CAN FIX HIM (NO REALLY I CAN)

i don't give a single fuck about this song, i just wanted to say the line "i can handle me a dangerous man" is so fucking stupid, now let's move on because i'm bored.

loml

she sounds really good in this one, i love the entire chorus, the way she sings "it's legendary", the way she sings "you told me i'm the love of your life" with sadness in her voice, i love it. somehow "if you know it in one glimpse, it's legendary" makes me think of "sometimes there's no proof, you just know" & i just made myself cry, idk. i hate "mr steal your girl" it sounds so bad in this song. bridge! so fucking sad!!! "it was legendary, it was momentary, it was unnecessary, should've let it stay buried" - i absolutely love this moment, probably my favourite part of the song. "you're the loss of my life" at the end... bro. it should be track 5.

I CAN DO IT WITH A BROKEN HEART

the post chorus, omg i hate the production, it makes me want to kill myself, it sounds so bad, omg. i genuinely wanna die. "lights camera bitch smile" - i hate it. "he said he'd love me all his life, but that life was too short, breaking down i hit the floor, all the pieces of me shattered as the crowd was chanting more!" - i love this. i really do. the best part of the song for me. "i cry a lot but i am so productive, it's an art" - honey, no. this album is the best proof that it, in fact, isn't art. "cause i'm miserable & nobody even knows!" - but... we knew? (i can't stand this production for real) the ending, oh dear god i hate it so much, it sounds bad, it's terrible, taylor go to therapy because you're clearly not ok & it shows.

THE SMALLEST MAN WHO EVER LIVED

i don't have any thoughts on this song. it's boring & unnecessary, let's just move on (sorry aaron).

THE ALCHEMY

this is the worst song on the album (me about every song). "this happens once every few lifetimes" - taylor, honey, this happens to you with every single man. stop. get some help. all the football references make me want to kill myself, let's just skip it. it's boring anyway. i can't fucking listen to it. oh no, wait... "he jokes that it's heroin but this time with an E" - ???? even MY jokes are funnier. ok, i'm fucking done.

CLARA BOW

not a bad song but the "you look like taylor swift in this light" is so cringey to me. i hate it. it ruins the whole song for me. the production is really good tho, but i don't know. i'm so indifferent. i'm kinda disappointed with this one tbh.

THE BLACK DOG

it's a beautiful song. "old habits die SCREAMING!!!" - the delivery of this line, yes ma'am. "and i may never open the way i did for you" - i love it so much. also the lyrics in the entire song - so simple & beautiful, i love the storytelling here. the melody in the chorus is amazing. "and i hope it's shitty in the black dog" - yeah, me too. i love this song. it's so good & sad. one of the best from this album.

imgonnagetyouback

olivia rodrigo? hello? boring boring boring, i hate it

THE ALBATROSS

i love the production so much!!! i don't have much to say about the lyrics? i don't love it??? but it's fine i guess. but the production is really interesting, & sometimes that's enough to love the song. maybe it will grow on me. i like it now tho.

CHLOE OR SAM OR SOPHIA OR MARCUS

"if you wanna break my cold, cold heart" - i fucking love the delivery of this line, she sounds really good here & really sad. actually, the chorus is beautiful. "so if i sell my apartment, & you have some kids with an internet starlet, will that make your memory fade from this scarlet maroon?" - hello? maroon reference? ok i love this, i also love the way things rhyme in this part of the song. the lyrics is so simple & beautiful, once again, less is more. it's a great song.

HOW DID IT END?

the "oh-oh" in the intro, LOVE IT. i really love her voice here. "my beloved ghost & me, sitting in a tree, D-Y-I-N-G" - heartbreaking. & thanks for mentioning me in a song. "but i still don't know, how did it end?" - it kinda makes me think about all my relationships (not only with guys but also with my friends) & how sometimes you really don't know how it happened that they are no longer a part of your life. it makes me feel sad. i love the song.

SO HIGH SCHOOL

"touch me while your bros play grand theft auto" - oh my god. this is so bad. it's so bad. i don't like it.

I HATE IT HERE

INSTANT FAVE, SO RELATABLE, THIS IS MY SONG!!! "i hate it here so i will go to secret gardens in my mind people need a key to get to, the only one is mine" - me as fuck. that i can say for sure. "no mid-sized city hopes & small town fears, i'm there most of the year cause i hate it here" - the way i literally realized that this is where i spent my last year, it's almost scary but this song definitely goes to my "when the truth pops out" playlist. i'm gonna pretend the racist line in the second verse doesn't exist. "lunar valleys in my mind" - i fucking love this line. "i'm lonely but i'm good, i'm bitter but i swear i'm fine, i'll save all my romanticism for my inner life" - OH MY GOD. I WROTE THIS SONG. I SWEAR. i relate to this so much. i hate it here. i love this song.

thanK you aIMee

so at first i liked it but then i realized it's about kim kardashian & i actually hate it now, taylor, please, can we finally move on? it's been YEARS, imagine how tired we are.

I LOOK IN PEOPLE'S WINDOWS

the production is good, i love the repetitions of "out", "now" etc. not much to say about it, but it's kinda nice? it's so short tho.

THE PROPHECY

i absolutely love the production on this one, it reminds me of "augusta" by gracie abrams & i love this song so much (also produced by aaron). i love the chorus & all the rhymes here. i don't... love the song in general, but i like it & i think it might grow on me.

CASSANDRA

ok, you know what, it's a nice song, but i am so damn tired of hearing about the same thing over & over again... 2016 was eight fucking years ago, taylor wake the fuck up & move on??? I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT ANYMORE JESUS I AM BORED.

PETER

i am genuinely crying right now, because i only have one person in my mind when i'm listening to this song & the words "you were gonna come find me"... oh god (i've had one person in my life who said they were gonna find me one day when i told them i'm gonna leave this shitty town & move to the city of my dreams. they didn't find me tho. the biggest what if of my life. i wanna die right now). it's a good song. i actually love it, probably because it's so relatable for me.

THE BOLTER

i actually like this one. the production is great (good job aaron!), i like the lyrics, i relate to some of this, not gonna get into details tho. none of it is outstanding, but it's a good song. i'm just tired, this album is too damn long.

ROBIN

"way to go tiger" - i love the melody & the way she sings this line. it's such a sweet song & i just learned that robin is aaron's kid's name, i love it. it's nice. nothing amazing, not a masterpiece but i like it.

THE MANUSCRIPT

"if the sex was half as good as the conversation was" - i kinda love this line (no, we are not geting into the details of who this one is about. i just said i love this line). also what a way to end the album: "now & then i re-read the manuscript, but the story isn't mine anymore". i love it, because now these stories are ours. it's like i told bel on friday, i'm gonna make this whole damn album about me & my life.

if you made it to the end, congratulations. to conclude: taylor should have worked more with aaron, less with jack. i usually love jack, but this time i feel like i've heard it all before. i still think this is her worst album. it's too damn long (31 songs!!!). it has some of her worst lyrics ever. most of those songs were totally unnecessary. maybe the entire album was. i genuinely think she should just take a break. i am really disappointed with this album & i am mad as hell because i wanted to love it. well... i made my own version. i think i'm not gonna talk about this album anymore. i also think i need a break from listening to it because i am genuinely tired. bye.

#enjoy the essay #also: i'm sorry #gonna disappear now #ts #ttpd #why do you write like you're running out of time*

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invece-sto-sdraiato · 4 months

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an extremely long jure appreciation post cause why not (and i haven't really talked about him for a while) :

well, the stožice album really proved how freaking talented our blonde cat is. you can hear the drums so clearly it's like you're actually there! but the fact remains that i have new found love and respect and admiration and whatever other positive thing there is, for jure. like, the way the drums are so freaking good, and how he managed to create the beat that suits each song. each beat is so unique, it makes me wanna learn to play the drums. see i dont have actual knowledge about that stuff, but i know that there's a lot of work and effort put into this. that just makes me melt and scream at the same time.

a 'tiny' segue (because I have a point and i have to get it out) :

this year I was in a music competition held by my school. I didn't have much to work on, since I was only singing, but the musicians had to learn their parts right? but our drummer (he's 12) struggled a bit trying to learn with video tutorials. and he had to come up with a beat for the transitions and man I felt a bit bad for him. he did have help from our music teacher, but the poor guy was panicking by the end of it. so what's my point? contrary to what I thought before, playing the drums is not easy. and trying to make a beat that suits the song is much harder than i thought.

It's literally the same thing I said above, but i have serious appreciation for jure's (and the rest of the band's) work as I've seen with my eyes exactly how hard it is to make all the parts of a song work together. and the fact that he literally designed half of their studio is so mind-blowing to me. it looks amazing from what I've seen. and he has a degree in film production, right? well that's just more impressive. i know that his character is so sweet, silly and lovable, but we do need to see the other part of him. the part that's so fucking talented that it's making me jealous. anyways hope to see more hidden talents from the world's most beautiful blonde cat (referencing bojan's words lol)

sincerely,

a tired baby boo who is ignoring her responsibilities <3

#im sorry for this long ass post #but i love psychoanalysing anything involving joker out #and overthinking #which is obviously something ive perfected #that was a horrible attempt at sarcasm #excuse me my brain is so fried #welp anyways #joker out

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sheisobvious · 1 year

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some old stuff I found on pinterest (and below interesting things) - Part 1

Picture 1

“One minute Taylor is busting out lyrics and being adorable in front of the camera, and the next she is like high-fashion model”

Q: What type of music are you into right now?

TS: A Late’80s pop. One of my favorite songs is “She Drives Me Crazy”, by Fine Young Cannibals.It was so ahead of its time.

App she loves – 8MM vintage camera

TS: “It lets you put a cool, 1960s-style filter on iPhone videos and gives clips a moody grain”

Picture 2

COSMOGIRL 2009

TS: "My newest hobby is going to wal-mart and putting my CD in front of others in the rack. I have no shame in it!"

Picture 3

Seventeen Magazine (2008)

Q: Do you think that he ( the guy from “Should’ve Said No”) secretly likes being named in your songs? TS: Yeah, probably. Those kinds of guys like getting attention – because I mean, what else is he doing? He’s probably with six different girls who don’t know that they’re being played.

Q: Has he (Drew from “Teardrops on My Guitar”) contacted you?

TS: Actually, he showed up in my driveway a couple of months ago, and it was like in the movies where at the end the guy shows up in your driveway, and you have this awesome kiss – except it’s three years too late. I’m like, Why didn’t you do this years ago ?!? He was stranger by then, so I felt like I didn’t know him anymore.

Q: Do you ever write songs about anyone other than yourself?

TS: “Tied Together With a Smile” is about a girl I knew my freshman year. She was absolutely Miss Popular, a pageaant girl, and she looked perfect every day! Always had the cutest outfits, always looked teh best at prom. But sometimes when you get a litle closer to people who look that perfect, you realize that they don’t feel perfect.They feel they’re ugly. And that’s what happened with this girl- I became closer friends with her, and one day she confessed that she was bulimic.

Q: How did that make you feel?

TS: It was really hard for me to take. But I never want to make someone feel horrible. do not deserve to be treated like that. I try to reason with them and be calm about it. After a while, I was just like, "You don't need to do that anymore." So I played that song for her, and I said, "Who do you think that's about?" And honestly, I don't think she ever did it after that.

Q: Have you ever felt bad about the way you look?

TS: Everybody does! Everybody looks in the mirror and is like, I wonder why her eyes are huge and mine are smaller. But I realized that if you’re lucky enough to be different from everybody else, don’t change.

Q: Do you ever wonder what it would be like to be someone eise?

TS: Oh, my gosh, if I were a different person and I could start all over, I would want to be Hayley Williams from Paramore! I think she’s awesome, and their music is amazing. But you know, I love country music more than anything in the world – I would never change what I do.

Picture 4

“I’ve seen a lot of you get new cars”, she joke to those who worked on the album (Fearless)

Picture 5

YOU (2009)

FAVORITE BOOK – Who Will Cry When You Die? By Robin S. Sharma. It’s a self-help but It’s na easy read. Every page has a new thing you can do to show the people you love that they matter to you. It makes you appreciate what you have. I have a lot more good days now that I’ve read that.

STYLE ICON – Cahrlize Theron. Thank you for saying I look a bit like her – taht makes my whole week.

BEAUTY PRODUCTS – My favourite lip colour is Dragon Girl by Nars;l realy like Armani make-up and there's a perfume that l get when ľ'm in the UK called Midnight Rain by La Prairie. And I love Jo Malone candles.

I: As ever, she sounds too good to be true . It might be one reason why. If we're being honest what eveyone realy wants to see is Taylor Swit being a litte bit naughty. Surely the teetotal Pollyanna façade must have cracks? Anyway, wouldn’t a bit of teenage rebellion be healthy?

TS: “I've been given the freedom to do whatever I want. I'm 19 –if want to storm out of the house and go to a club and get drunk and take my clothes off and run naked through Nashville, I can do that. I just really would rather not. I's as simple as that. It's not like I’ve been beaten down by some corporation that's forcing me to always behave myself - l just naturally do. Sometimes people are fascinated by the fact that I don't care about partying. almost to the point where they think it's weird.l think when we get to the point where it's strange for you to not be stumbing around high on something at 19, t's a warped world.”

Picture 6

PEOPLE, 2009

Q: You just gave a $250,000 donation to schools you had previously attended or worked with. Why schools?

TS: The schools that I went to and the amazing people I got to learn from relly turned me into who I am, and I wanted to give back.

Q:If you’ve done all this by the time you turned 20, what do you want to do bu the time you turn 30?

TS:I think I’d like to have made a couple more albums that I’m really proud of. I’d like to have a house. I’m not the kid the girl who makes a goal for herself of getting married or starting a family. I’ve never really put a timeline on those sorts of things. So I don’t have any personal goals by the time I’m 30.

(midnight rain vibe)

Picture 7

Q: What would you say is your biggest love “don’t” ?

TS: No one wants to be with someone who desperately needs them. You should want the other person and love him, but you shouldn’t need him. If you depend on him for your happiness, that’s not good ,because what will you do when it ends?

Picture 8

TIGER BEAT

I CALLED THIS ALBUM RED BECAUSE.. “all the different emotions written about on this album, they’re all about the tumultuous, crazy, insane, intense, semitoxic relationships that I’ve experienced in the last two years. In my mind, all of those emotions are red.”

(I think this is the first time I see her referring to this relationship as toxic before 2022)

Picture 9

BOP 2012

Taylor Swift looks down at the floor as she talks about the songs on her new album, Red (it comes out October 22). "They're sad, if I'm being honest,"she confesses. Tay's big blue eyes get a little teary as she thinks about her life right now.In the last two years. Tay says she's felt "all of those emotions, travels around spanning from intense love,intense the workd with frustration, jealousy and confusion." She also admits. "There's been this earth-shattering. not recent, but absolute crash-and-bum neartbreak."

(in this interview they are weird about her parents divorce)

#taylor swift #mine #tsedit #candy swift #tswiftedit #tsedits #tswiftart #tswiftcreatorsnet #tswiftedits #taylor swift lyrics #taylor swift interviews

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exeggcute · 2 months

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(synthpop anon) to be more specific i'm looking for more stuff in the vein of depeche mode, new order, pet shop boys, soft cell, etc. the type i can best describe as "fun music with jaded lyrics". speaking of yaz(oo) i already really like upstairs at eric's!

hmmm. I worry that I might not have the best recs for you then because I'm one of those people who doesn't pay THAT much attention to lyrics... it took me a full decade to realize that tryouts for the human race is a song about sperm. sung from the perspective of a sperm lol. I just hear a moroder synth line and black out

so forgive me if any of these are (1) songs/bands you already know or (2) don't quite fit the ticket, but let me try to suggest some stuff based on vibes...

sparks, actually. I still haven't listened to most of their 80s discography (one of these days...) but I adore no 1 in heaven, which is 100% synthpop, and kimono my house, which isn't. but those boys are insane lyricists so if you like fun music about crazy shit you're in the right place.

if you already like yaz (I specifically said yazoo in my last response in case you hadn't heard of em, since when you google "yaz" the first thing that comes up is the birth control pill... but as a yank I admittedly never call them yazoo lol) then you know that vince clarke is a fucking legend. and as one half of erasure I think some of erasure's lesser-known hits fit the bill. love to hate you, who needs love like that, oh l'amour...

bronski beat for more gay synthpop. oh shit marc almond is here?

I only know a handful of devo songs, so if you want better recs you'd need to ask my dad lol, but i like love without anger and freedom of choice

XTC!!!

prefab sprout has some bangers across the board but the king of rock and roll is a song about a washed-up music star with thomas dolby in the production seat. so pretty much exactly what you're looking for.

tears for fears? broken, change, mothers talk... plus the US mix of mothers talk that I mostly don't like but I adore the intro (it's not that you're not goooood enough... it's just that we can make you bet-taaah...)

OMD is good. check out dazzle ships

midge-ure era ultravox is maybe too on the nose. literally dancing with tears in my eyes, lol. plus reap the wild wind, the thin wall, and of course vienna

not necessarily jaded lyrics but aztec camera is really moody and good. I love high land, hard rain (and this extended version of walk out to winter...)

jaded but not synthpop: the english beat. seriously, hear me out

it's less synthpop-y than some of this other stuff, but these gary numan solo albums are my fave: dance and I, assassin

if you don't already like japan you gotta go listen to gentlemen take polaroids front to back. then try titles by mick karn

some random one-offs: happy hour; promises, promises; the politics of dancing

and then, of course, the all time legend

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greenerteacups · 9 days

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Merry Swiftmas! I saw your note at the end of the most recent chapter. What are you Tortured Poet Department thoughts and feelings?

Literally just got back from a listening party so this is all coming in VERY fresh and unprocessed but first reactions:

The unfortunate exigencies of Industry Shit have kind of hurt Swift creatively because (1) she's been taught she can have her cake and eat it too with the Grammy-winning 15-track sonically cohesive tone album if she just drops it separately as the first act of a 30-song behemoth deluxe edition/multiverse of bonus tracks, and (2) the Vault Tracks have taught her that fans actually do want to hear every single thing she writes, even if she (rightly) might have thought it wasn't release-quality 5-10 years ago. Long story short there is a good album in here but it needs to be TIGHTLY pruned out because a lot of these songs are either underwritten or underdeveloped or both. She should've focused her energy on improving a smaller set (i.e. cleaning out some of the clunker lines, tightening melodies, giving each song its own identity) and cutting like, more or less the last third of the tracks. That being said! I did like a lot of it.

I also think some people fail to understand Swift is a pop artist making pop music. When we say she's a good lyricist, we don't mean she's fucking Samuel Coleridge, it means she uses the medium of a pop song successfully to communicate a mood or an emotional experience. Pop is vernacular; it's supposed to evoke the kind of language you hear every day. Not surprisingly, I find her at her best when she's not trying to affect some kind of heightened poetic mood. Songs like "Would've, Could've, Should've" straddle this line pretty well for me, because it's not affected, it's just... intelligently thought-through. It's a single metaphor, taken from multiple angles, explained well, and set to a great melody. It's not trying to impress you, but it still does. Anyway.

Miscellaneous/specific thoughts:

"Guilty as Sin?" is my favorite, it's going to be one of my most played songs of the year, both for reasons of Oh Shit It Me and because I'm just straight up in love with the sound of this motherfucker. No analysis it makes the happy juices in the brain go

Other favorites: So Long London, Fresh Out The Slammer, The Bolter, Daddy I Love Him

"thank you aimee" is a reprise of "Mean" addressed semi-obviously to Kim K/the Collective Nation of Haters of Taylor Swift, which was a weak diss track when it was a teenager singing it and has not improved in the mouth of a 30-something artist

"But Daddy I Love Him" is conversely a very successful ironic reprise of "Love Story," and I'm fond of it because it reads like a love letter to the girls who grew up on that song

Interesting strains of Reputation on "Little Old Me," I feel like there was an earlier draft of this song that went harder on the Bad Blood/Don't Blame Me vibe, but she's still scarred from the critical reaction to reputation and hasn't fully gone there since. Which is why someday I will throttle the Pitchfork editor with my bare hands

Florida!!! feels like it needed some more production besides Jack Antonoff sitting on the synths with a jackhammer but I do like it. The bridge/second half sounds a lot like a Bleachers song (compliment)

"So High School" was sweet and I was surprised by how much I liked that and "The Alchemy," both of which are fun but ultimately simple and sentimental — which is GOOD to be clear I don't go looking for Proust in my pop music, and simplicity can be a virtue

However, I scream-laughed in a full room when I heard the line "you can ball and I know Aristotle," and I look forward to thinking about it once a day for the next forever. Insane. So good. Also, like — Taylor, have you read the Politics? You are legally obligated to tell us now if you have read the Politics.

#greenteacup asks

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joons · 10 months

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As someone who knows very little about the Beach Boys but is curious, I would love to know all the tea on Mike Love.

"Mike Love isn’t just not rock … he’s actually in the red, like the anti-rock. He’s in rock debt and should spend his next life wearing golf pants and selling hairpieces." — Tony Hicks, Riff Magazine

A real article.

Let me take you on a journey.

Every Beach Boys fan starts to hate Mike Love as a joke, and then it gradually becomes real. (Mike Love defenders, I am truly sorry; you are the devil's strongest soldiers.) The traditional narrative is that when Brian Wilson (the eldest Wilson brother and de facto leader) stopped touring and began spending all his time writing music for the band, Mike Love (Brian's cousin, lead singer, lyricist) became worried that Brian would go off on his own and leave them behind. Mike had good reasons to worry; when the band came back from an extensive tour in Japan, Brian excitedly showed them what he had been working on: Pet Sounds. Widely considered their best album, and one of the best albums of all time, Pet Sounds is chamber pop music, with a wall of orchestral instruments and complex vocal harmonies, interspersed with really off-the-wall sounds, like bicycle horns and theremins, all in service of a "concept album" (the first ever such thing) about a young man entering adulthood and struggling to manage a relationship. Oh, and Brian had already recorded all of this with the Wrecking Crew (professional session musicians, who adored him), written all the lyrics with a new guy, Tony Asher, and then ushered the Beach Boys in to record the final vocals.

Mike Love was probably justifiably a bit peeved that Brian had just like ... done the thing without him and without the band, but that was Brian's job; that was the deal they had worked out when Brian decided he couldn't handle the pressure of touring anymore. Brian was already considered a savant composer at the time and the key to the Beach Boys' success; the Beatles adored his work, and he was in a constant battle to do something as spectacular as the Beatles were doing with albums like Rubber Soul. But when the band came back and got to hear the full thing (Mike was consulted on some of the lyrics beforehand), Mike was like, "This isn't us, this won't sell." (Other members had similar concerns, especially about having to recreate these elaborate orchestrations with a few guitars and drumkits on tour, but they trusted Brian.) The stressors between Mike and Brian continued when Brian started doing an even more ambitious album, Smile, using a really avant-garde lyricist who dealt in poetic imagery rather than concrete stories. Mike once again spent all the recording sessions whining about it and resisting any push toward psychedelic imagery. Legend has it he said something like, "Don't fuck with the formula" (of cars and girls and surfing), and basically shat all over what would have been the most innovative pop album of all time (purely from a production standpoint, it was a beast, needing to be constructed in tiny segments and then edited back together using analog recording equipment). It would have been, as Brian described it, "a teenage symphony to God."

Brian, being mentally fragile, did not do well with conflict like this, (he had already, with great struggle, gotten his father, Murry Wilson, fired as their manager, after Murry's abusive, controlling behavior made it impossible for them to record) and the disappointing reactions from the band and from the public toward Pet Sounds and Smile essentially killed his confidence, meaning that he soon retreated from being the band's leader and took less and less of an interest in writing. (He was more involved than popular imagination might think, but it was certainly a turning point in his creative output.) The pressure quickly became too much, and Brian, who was struggling severely with his mental health, shelved the entire Smile project. It was not released in any complete form until 2004, when Brian had the support around him (hint: not the Beach Boys) to let him put it into an acceptable shape and release a legendary lost piece of media. And it was incredible.

Now, at this point, most fans are like, "Aw, that Mike! Always sticking to the formula!" while acknowledging that he was right about how big of a risk these albums were. Points were made, and Pet Sounds didn't actually sell as well as their other stuff! Smile was very weird! Pet Sounds was so influential among rock musicians at the time (the Beatles' Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band was a direct response to it), but it wasn't a commercial smash. And music does need to be somewhat concerned about the business side. So maybe some fans are like, "Well. We give Mike too much grief for this, Brian had to be responsible for his own confidence, this stuff happens, whatever."

But there's never really a moment where Mike Love is vindicated. He is never satisfied to be "right" about one thing; he must be right in all things. As you keep learning about him, you're like, "Mike is just an asshole."

Very famous picture of Mike and Brian. You can see the whole relationship here.

The main reason the clashes in '66-'67 are still a sore spot is because they're a microcosm of the decadeslong war for the soul of the band. In the 1990s, Mike wrested control of the Beach Boys name from the other surviving band members after the death of Carl Wilson, Brian's brother (a saint, a diplomatic soul who kept the band together when they would otherwise be at each others' throats). This gets into complicated legal weeds, but basically Mike won the rights to tour as "the Beach Boys" even though he only toured with one other member. All of the members share in the profits but are not allowed to do their own tours with the name. Brian had no interest in touring with him at the time, and neither did Al Jardine, another surviving member, but Mike went after Al for touring as "Beach Boys Family & Friends" and successfully sued to prevent any of the other boys from doing anything similar. At the same time, he excluded them from working with him on the official tour. He has kept the band in stasis, rarely playing songs beyond the 1962-1966 eras, and keeping the band's image as a good-time surfing group, when they are so much more, and it grates that they are not more known for how musically significant and groundbreaking they were (I count the entire band's contributions in this, not just Brian, as many of them are great songwriters in their own right and did wonderful production work in the late '60s and early '70s). Mike stands athwart that deserved legacy because he finds it difficult to share the spotlight, and his contributions in the later years were simply not good. Mike isn't solely responsible for the Beach Boys being classified as a nostalgia act; that impression began when Capitol Records, their first label, put out a greatest hits album that sold far more than anything new the band was making in the early '70s. But Mike leaned into that, and instead of capitalizing on renewed interest by showing how the band had grown, Mike wanted to show that the band was exactly how you remembered them.

He is also known for being bizarrely abrasive at times, to the detriment of the band's reputation. When they were inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1988, Mike interrupted Brian's sweet statement and wound up going on a ramble lambasting other Hall of Fame members for suing each other (THIS IS DRAMATIC IRONY) or for not "showing up" for that year's event because they've "always been chickenshit to get onstage with the Beach Boys." I have never been able to get through this video in one sitting, I have to stop because the secondhand embarrassment is too much.

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ELTON JOHN: Thank FUCK he didn't mention me!

He later blamed his tirade on not meditating that day.

In the 1990s, Mike began to sue the other members for damn near everything. While Mike was somewhat justified in regaining songwriting credits from the Beach Boys' early work (Murry Wilson had something to do with wanting to keep the credits for the Wilson brothers), he went on to claim that Brian including a picture of the Beach Boys in the album sheets for his version of Smile "damaged" the image of the band. Jesus wept. He also sued Brian for how he was portrayed in a (to be fair, mostly ghostwritten and bad) memoir without having read it.

The surviving members of the Beach Boys reunited in 2012 for the band's 50th anniversary. They put out a new album (it was great!) and toured together for the first time since the 1990s. David Marks, an early member who left during the first year, was invited back to play with them. It was healing to see them together and genuinely enjoying performing. Audiences were thrilled. Brian Wilson and Al Jardine both expressed how excited they were to keep it going, not just as a one-time anniversary tour but something they could conceivably do year after year, healing the split between Mike's band (with Beach Boy Bruce Johnston) and the tours that Brian and Al did together. But before any of that could be worked out, Mike just ghosted them, along with David. He announced that the tour was going to go on without them without doing a joint release. Brian and Al wrote a freaking letter to the editor stating they hadn't been told. So it's definitely another "Mike is why we can't have nice things" moment. He has described his exclusive ability to tour as "my nourishment and my revenge," framing it as a way of recovering lost royalties after being cheated out of songwriting credits for a long time, even though he was already awarded monetary compensation for that. In actual fact, he just cannot handle being upstaged.

Some other things that Mike gets flak for: getting obsessed with the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi and Transcendental Meditation movement, writing songs exclusively about the concept and trying to turn the Beach Boys into an official Maharishi touring group; overclaiming writing credits for his small contributions to certain songs; playing for Trump's campaign events; playing for a trophy hunter guild (these last two in spite of public disavowals from Brian and Al). There are probably other, more private things that I don't think are necessary to get into. None of the band members have completely clean hands in how they've treated one another. What sets Mike apart is that he makes it public and cannot move on.

Everyone has a different breaking point with him, I think. For me, it's his continued digs at Brian, particularly relating to Brian's mental illnesses. Even extending some grace to him for dealing with difficult working conditions as some of the band members spiraled, I cannot excuse how disgusting his language is and how much he clearly wants to erase the empathy and love people have for Brian, with whatever tool he has at hand.

For context, Brian Wilson was locked into an unspeakably abusive conservatorship with his psychologist, Eugene Landy, for a decade, up until 1991. The abuse involved improper prescription treatment that continues to affect Brian to this day. (He is lucky it did not kill him.) I don't even like to think about it much because it's so dark, but Landy controlled what Brian could eat, what he sang, and who he could talk to. He sold off Brian's publishing rights and represented him in public and corporate matters. Thanks to a longtime fan and music journalist, David Leaf; Brian's future wife; and intervention by the family (who had been cut off from communicating with Brian), he was given control of his own life again and eventually properly diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. He has gotten to lead his own life again, making music that helps him deal with auditory hallucinations and depression, and working with who he wants to.

With that background, it's absolutely fucked for Mike to say this:

"He’s not in charge of his life, like I am in mine. His every move is orchestrated and a lot of things he’s purported to say, there’s not tape of it. But, I don’t like to put undue pressure on him, either, because I know he has a lot of issues. Out of compassion, I don’t respond to everything that is purportedly said by him. I’ve noticed where he says he really regards me as his greatest writing partner and that he loves my voice. Even on the 50th (anniversary tour), he made it quite clear he really liked watching me do my thing while he was at the piano. So, there’s a lot of positivity there.” (X)

So many layers there. He's so comically up his own ass, but the things he says about Brian upset me so much. He's so vile for no reason. Even if this were a criticism of Brian's PR or legal team, he could say so, instead of using Brian's past abuse to brush aside his opinions. He always does this thing where the Wilsons' addictions and illnesses are the result of bad choices, while he's never done anything wrong and was victimized by them. It's so infuriating, but it's also hard to get too upset with him because he's genuinely blind.

The thing about Mike is that he's so ... bad that he's fun to hate. Is he truly the worst person in the world? No. But is he actually the worst person in the world? Yes. His terribleness makes me laugh. That might have more to do with the cerebral way Beach Boys fans cut Mike Love clips, but goddamn, it gets me. (Beach Boys fans have had to deal with an awful lot of kitsch against their will, and I think this is their way of coping.)

LISTEN TO THIS MANIAC, I AM WHEEZING AT WORK.

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(It's so crazy, he even added in that psychedelic riff at the end of the video! That's not in the song! It's just to emphasize how weird he thinks "Good Vibrations" is and how much he has to "apologize" for it. What is happening. Even when he is "joking," there's such a dark energy about it.)

In conclusion:

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A real article. "His memoir leaves him neither vindicated nor convincingly tolerable as a human being."

#anyway in spite of all this 'big sur' slaps #and guess what so does 'student demonstration time'#okay bye #the beach boys #this was so fun to write; thank you for giving me an excuse to type this all up!

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