#i mean i cant afford it anyway
Text
Hate when someone online vents about not liking traditionally feminine things - and ESPECIALLY not liking the fact that society forces them to do it - and every response is
a) pick me accusation
b) "i used to be like you too but now i love my 294050 step skin care routine and playing with makeup and skinny jeans and gilmore girls teehee :) you'll grow out of it <3 anyway you should like it more because it's really good for you and helps your confidence!! Don't you want to have something to talk about with other girls :3"
c) "it's not valid to say you hate those things that's misogynist :("
d) "those things are not gendered, everyone should have a 294050 step skin care routine and wear makeup <3 especially queer people regardless of gender because everyone knows queer = femininity and if you don't do this you're ugly and boring and also queerphobic"
The worst thing is that some queer women do this, like bestie I thought living outside a pretty major societal norm meant we all had to reflect on the ways in which society (and the people it consists of) tries to put everyone in a box and, you know, fight it when we see it....... Even some lesbians do this and if you call it out they say "just because i'm a lesbian doesn't mean i'm not hot and conventionally attractively feminine!!" which I find terrible
#sorry for the g*lmore g*rls mention my classmate is trying to get me to do a watchparty with her and i would rather eat dirt JSKDLSÖFÖDÖFÖ#no hate if you like it 🤣😭#anyway yeah. feel like my gender identity is 1920s berlin switchboard lady who cant afford/has no time for Beauty Care and doesnt care......#like i love vintage fashion and am not butch by any means but i DETEST contemporary makeup/plastic surgery/shave everything culture#i wish foundation was never invented because then i could pass as more conventionally attractive JSKDLD (cant wear it cos sensory nightmare)#but now i feel like EVERYONE has their brows done and foundation and if you put makeup on without doing that youre weird#i wish i could just do eyes (sloppily) and lip and it would qualify as 'made up' 😭#anyway yeah
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
official rip to my drawing tablet, goodbye my old friend you never really worked in the first place but illl miss u anyway lol
#i mean its almost a decade old and the port has been loose/partially unresponsive for half of that so i knew this day would come#i didnt have the drive to draw anyway but now i REALLY cant tell myself im gonna post stuff jlksdjflka#maybe if i go back and clip old wips idk#sad day but what can you do! ill try to look on reddit for hacks but its probably past that#m#edit yeah the repairs arent worth the cost since they would be the same/more than the price of a new one which i already cannae afford oop
37 notes
·
View notes
Text
(//i don't normally do text but cw in the tags erm. i went a little off track)
#inanimate insanity#ii#ii lightbulb#daily lightbulb#scribbly bulb#god. ohh my god. im not doing so hot yall#once again i apologize for suddenly halting on posting; ive had a couple rough days recently and it's constantly crashed my motivation to#even QUEUE SCREENSHOTS. my mental health has been so messed up too and i just had to take a step back#for starters. happy birthday to my baby sister that was born yesterday. like legit. im a big sister now#it's hard getting used to it; i was never good with change#secondly; like in the 100 post i've gained a new fixation thats unfortunately pushed ii to the side#i have adhd and autism so its hard for me to keep up with such a daily routine that includes a media i may end up losing interest in#i LOVE lightbulb and i LOVE ii i just.....need a bit#thirdly; i actually havent seen inside out 2 yet. might end up watching it this week or next week though which will be fun#while waiting in the hospital inside out was playing on the room tv so i wanted to draw smth to get my thoughts out#inside out is one of my favorite. modern? disney movies. rlly means a lot to me.#sorry for ranting i shouldnt dump all my life problems on yall LMAO you just wanna see lb pics#anyways posting will try and resume! cant afford to slack off with ii 15 being so close#if anyone is reading this ty sm for liking my silly blog and i hope you have a good day/night#102
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
sorry for reblogging fugly trends from 2012 it's for my enrichment
#have i ever told u guys about my early 2010s fashion and pop culture fixation#i got a gen you ine aeropostle skirt recently ive never been happier#also gonna try and get my hands on some freshtops tanks#eventually#also their shorts though ive only found one secondhand listing in my size#i need the naked1 pallet or i'll die#its funny to me because like#yes within fashionblogging and lifestyle teen youtube girls from that era#consummerism was a massive thing (it still is but its so obvious when you look at blog archives and videos from that era)#youtubers with non disclosed sponsorships#bethany mota and amanda steele vaguely saying “this brand sent me this product to give to you guys!”#it was really just watching the birth of what we know as influencers today and its really interesting to me#theres a lack of cuts theres a lack of scripting theres long tangents#people were only just then realizing you can make money via haul videos and makeup tutorials#bethany mota had a fashion line at aeropostle purely because of her status as a youtuber#there was a big rise at the time of people being against flaunting overpriced designer during that time because of the recession#but there was still a hugggeee hold with consumerism and classism#hauls with brandy and f21 and ae like i cant afford that im sure you cant afford $600 at american eagle on a weekly basis#i have lots of thoughts idk#anyways backtracked#i think its funny because here i am talking about how horribly i need b&bw and vs pink#but like its all secondhand shit for $15 online now#nobody wants this stuff!!!!!! cycles!!! capitalism!!!! i dont know you get what i mean!!!!!!!!!!!#skyler posting
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
🍷
#im in such a bad and low mood :<#it's not just my period hormones 🥴#my wireless headphones worked fine all of yesterday and today when i wake up they're blinking#they're liked fucked up... i turn them off but they constantly turn themselves back on. when i connect them to my ipad they constantly#keep disconnecting and shutting off and turning on 🙃 it makes me so angry bc i need to wear them basically all the time#bc all the noise from neighbors and my family and outside is driving me crazy#but they just dont work anymore?? plus i cant afford new ones... esp now which brings me to my next point#bc of my mom having troubles w school and loans and work etc she was like yeah u guys might have to pay for me this summer so we'll be#proper poor 😄 she doesnt WANT that either but it just sucks bc i got $300 every month and i can barely afford anything as is#yeah so there is no chance of me buying new headphones until at least august or september ......#then im annoyed bc my sisters are passive aggressive 24/7 and hate my existence and my mom is depressed lol#and i have no one to talk to or be with. it's summer and i wanna do stuff but i just dont wanna do it alone lmao#and then im just sad bc of many things.....#also i hate myself bc im a loser failure piece of shit but like yeah that's normal for me to feel#i just hate everything and it's so hard to endure this lame ass existence skskskskks#why cant ANYTHING be good ever in my life??#i am garbage and im surrounded by bad things lmao... anyways can i just stop breathing now pls#and it's not just a 'tiny' thing like my headphones not working like it might seem to others#but when u live a life where NOTHING is good or NOTHING works everything just piles on#ppl dont seem to understand that normally bc most ppl have some good things in their lives#so they just cannot comprehend what it's like when nothing works on any level in your life lok#ofc im depressed ofc im angry and bitter and dejected. i have no good things or moments at all in my life. that tears u down#i mean ofc i could be living in an active warzone and that'd be .. pretty awful i can imagine. but yeah... my situation is still not ideal#like i mean i do actually try to practice gratitude of having a roof over my head my own room water in the pipes and food so i dont starve#i am thankful for that bc many ppl dont even have that#i still feel depressed tho <3#idk what im talking abt now i just feel SO bad and i have no one to talk to#i have nothing to do... no help no treatment... everyone hates me and wants me dead......#why should i fight when no one cares abt me anyway... well.. i mean i do wanna experience more nature but like idk#im just so exhausted... why cant i ever have smth good in my life that also dont go away after a short while lol
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
#mcu spider-man currently being the most widely known spider-man is my very own plague#(pete's spidey btw)#i wish he were more mean. so bad. like i wish he had more of a characterisation other than like his biggest flaw being naivete ..#speaking as a person who barely reads comics because east asia spits on western comics LOL it was just impossible to afford#and now unable to purchase like anywhere i cant find em#what if i am a spider-man generalist who enjoys shoving different iterations of peter together#to create the ultimate bastard man roaming new york streets at any given time!!!!!! PLEASE#anyways noir does not have a conscience. only aunt may quotes in his head#the doodle tax for a wall of tags#my art
93 notes
·
View notes
Text
Redecorating occured so i felt compelled to do a look complimenting the new wallpaper.
Treat me ~ Tip me
#Are we ready for next week??? Or are we in denial that its even happening??#My family are going to berlin without me bc i cant afford it and they need a dogsitter anyway. So you guys should be extra nice to me.#Does mean i should get some alone time to get creative with ✨👀 but also means i am not in berlin. So that kinda sucks#Help me sort my groceries out?? Treat me (amazon wishlist) ~ Tip (pypl) me (cshpp)#Satans knitwear#Alt pinup#Lingerie reveal#Pinup girl#Fluffy jumper and lingerie 😍#Body chain#Pretty lingerie#Lace lingerie bodysuit#Green lace lingerie#bi girl#uk girl#cheeky#wlw
124 notes
·
View notes
Text
ok i literally only did two prompts but thats it for now i will get to the ones in my inbox tomorrow ✌️✌️
#chronic pain rlly be like this tho#i hate feeling like i have to justify taking breaks like. its due to impostor syndrome honestly.#same w putting watermarks or dont repost disclaimers on my art#i didnt do it for a long time cuz i was like eh its not good enough for that#but like it doesnt matter if its good or not its still like... my art and i should safeguard it#what was i talking about again OH YEAH chronic pain#i felt kinda shitty for not being able to draw as much cuz my art feels more simple than rendered stuff#that ppl could churn out in a day#but like. im litrally physically disabled bro and also it doesnt matter how 'simple' i draw its still stress on my body#idk one person was mean to me and it made me sensitive lmao#anyway.... ill draw whats left in my inbox and then afterwards i'll be back to doing requests thru kofi#i did raise the price of my doodles but it is because of my arm pain im sorry if u think my doodles are worth less#but i am willing to negotiate if u genuinely cant afford it depending on complexity
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
FORGOT TO UPDATE MY SUNNY BLOG I USE AS A PERSONAL DIARY i got my next appointment in my journey to getting HRT/glormone replacement therapy 😊😊😊😊😊 but its in 3 weeks 😊😊😊😊😊 i will definitely not rip my hair out waiting
#it kinda helps because im not out to my dad yet LOL#so i cant really be starting tesosterone whilst i live here#i mean i think he'll be fine but at least one of my brothers who also live here will not be soooo#also i cant afford it rn#anyways!#going to find out my next step in my transition around the time i find out if i got a scholarship i definitely am not getting#that will be a fun time
34 notes
·
View notes
Text
So yeah avoiding my phone didn't work and also meant I sat on the kitchen floor staring into space for about 3 hours before Alfie woke up but hey at least I didn't break anything
Them being around is helping a little but they're also struggling and it fuckin sucks bc I know we're both just. Rotating money stress in our minds
#like. i went out earlier to get bread#just bread bc we cant afford anything else#got just enough in the bank to cover the work thing but since management stjll hasnt gotten back to me on HOW to pay it its like#our electricity is already in debt lol it has a thing where you can go £10 into debt before it switches off#and it usually wont switch off over weekends#presumably bc all but 1 places nearby thst we can top it up at are shut on weekends but anyway#so we're like. okay. it MIGHT last today and if it does thst SHOULD mean itll last till monday.#but then itll be at least a tenner in debt#then we only have to last till thursday but its. do we keep this money thats for The Thing that is once again unclear on how urgent it is#or do we spend it on the Soon To Be Immdiately Urgent thing#and thats not even CONSIDERING food lmao we. i got 2 loaves of bread so we can at least survive on toast for a few days#we got 3 maybe 4 meals worth of stuff still in the kitchen#like...at this point i dont even care if i have to go a few days without eating at all to make it to thursday but its.#its so fucked up those are the terms im thinking in#and this isnt asking for more donations i really cannot take that today im at the fuckin bottom of my barrel#and already feel hopeless and useless and an active drain to everything around me#but its. like. how. why. why is it still like this. why is it looking extremely unlikely its ever gonna change.#whats the point if its all for a few scattered handful hours of actual peace and comfort never mind happiness#tldr yes i am once again suicidal but small s#like in the sense of i would feel immense relief if a truck came at me on my way to work tomorrow and would not step out of the way but#dont have it in me to actually consciously act upon
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
just lit my hair and face on fire and that shit was easy feanor u r nothing
#im (probably) okay but jesus fucking christ. anyway my mothervwont answer the phone anybody got personal experience treating flash burns#im american and cant afford medical treatment so thats out#anyway feanor u r something actually i must admit because that was fucking scary#UHHHH#burns /#c: personal#welcoming myself back to the lotr blog w a bang ig. an explosion if u will#to clarify: the circumstances that led to me being on fire were easy to achieve i am by no means talking shit abt BEING on fire#bc that was in fact very scary
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
🦨
#ughhh someone pointed out the atrocity in my face. i hate thatfeature of me so bad#and now i cant stop thinking about it and i hate myself and my face and i got bad feelings#because throughout my entire life i've been so bullied for it#i feel so ugly ugh!!!!!! i am ugly i wanna cry who could ever love me when i look like this skksksks#the worst abt having a face deformity is that it is on your FACE!!!!! i cant hide it#it's out there for everyone to see#and i cant remove it. i can get plastic surgery etc but i cant afford that at all now. maybe when i have a job :(((#and it really is so big in my brain. i notice it constantly#i cant look at other ppl without checking their chins to see if it's smooth or not#and most ppl have normal chins. pretty much everyone has a normal chin!!!!#i wish i was normal too. i hate looking like this i hate it so bad#it is so unfair that i gotta be stuck w this ugly fkn feature but everyone else gets to look normal#so unfair so unfair it makes me so angry#why did i get the worst genes ever i cant stand having to live my life being this grotesquely ugly#anyway.... i try to suppress it nd not think abt it but earlier today someone made a comment abt it#nd now i just wnna cry because it is soooooooo ugly and i hate it#besides yeah it made me rmbr my school years bc ppl were sofkn mean to me abt it#like im sorry i know im ugly wtf do u want me to do?!?!
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
🩷
#thiiiiinking abt buying a wig...#i mean im poor so i cant buy a nice quality one skskks#but i cant afford dying my hair and i just want like a pink wig :((((#idc if it looks fake even if other girls are RUTHLESS abt wigs lmao?#anyway i just want a pink wig so i can feel cute w pink hair lol#so im thinking abt getting one but im not sure >.<
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
good lord my brain is running laps and i just wanna knock it out and get some goddamn sleep
#apparently just bc I figured it out my brain still isn’t gonna chill out#now i’m stuck between do i communicate and embarrass myself#in hopes that it calms down the fears that i’m already aware are probably irrational#or do i do my best to ignore it and hope my brain chills out on its own soon#and that in the meantime i don’t do my go-to moves when i overthink something#which are running away or getting mean#(not like. mean mean. but snarky. and a little harsh and irritable)#bc no one has done anything wrong!#myself included so far!#my brain just will not let go of this stupid fear#and it’s the same fucking fear that has haunted me on and off through every era of my life#i WILL NOT isolate myself or push people away that’s wildly counterproductive#and honestly i find it mind boggling that that’s even a response bc IT MAKES NO SENSE#anyway everything is changing and it’s fucking me up big time#there’s too many things changing all at once and tbh i’m fucking terrified#and this just happened to be the thing that finally pushed me into ‘cant fucking deal with this’ territory#and nothing has even changed! it’s all in my head right now!!!#it’s so fucking frustrating to know something intellectually but your emotions are off doing their own shit#‘you can’t think away emotions’ I CAN FUCKING TRY#it comes down to fear and anger at that fear and anger at change#i’m so angry and there’s nowhere to direct that anger#being angry at a concept or the very passage of time is just so unsatisfying and annoying#*change as a#personal#i’d say sorry for the vent posts but i can’t afford therapy so#and this is the next best thing
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
🏥🦷
#damn my teeth on my left side reallyyyyy fkn hurt#last night it started hurting so bad i couldnt fall asleep#i took some regular over the counter pain pills nd they brought down the pain a bit#so it at least didnt hurt as bad as it did first#but now after sleeping a few hours it still hurts ://#idk what to do... bc i've googled but it is like impossible for me to know what this is. could be anything rlly#nd w physical health stuff im not as terrified bc i can just go to the ER. when i was there it only cost $15 lol#but dental care is so fkn expensive i dont even have that in my account#anyway. i could get an 'urgent appointment' which i get financial aid for... probably. thats the thing. it's not 100% certain#idk what i should do bc like i could wait it out nd see if it'll pass nd then wait on my appt the 6th may#or maybe i should call my dentists nd ask them what they think nd if they can give me an urgent appt..#i hate calling tho. i know that sounds ridiculous esp when im dealing w pain but my avpd makes it so so hard for me. i'd almost rather not#if i was smart nd normal thats what i would do. just call them nd see what they decide for me. maybe i'll wait nd see nd call tmrw....#nd idk abt the pain. like it rlly hurts but it isnt extreme i think.. but when i press one tooth it hurts a lot nd makes me worried it's#dying 💀 nd like u can actually die from teeth pain nd complications... nd infections nd stuff. it's scary af 😭#idk if my tooth is dying nd i need to contact a dentist rn or if its smth that can wait for a bit#i mean if i had a job nd a salary i'd book an appt for tmrw nd get it checked but i have to discuss w myself bc i cant afford lol#ugh this is the reason im terrified of dental problems. the pain is awful nd theres nothing u can do if you're poor#my head keeps spinning idk what i should do abt this 😭 i csnt make up my mind. just want it to go away on its own but i know it wont#nd it hurts so that i can barely sleep or eat or concentrate. so i rlly dont know.....#oh if only things were easy
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
Also. While I'm posting personal stuff. I've pretty much entirely quit vaping. yeah I switched to nic pouches instead but after two years that shit it's so nice and a small victory
#the catalyst was when really when i was out in the field with my professor/mentor/one of my favorite people#and she was like “is that a juul?” and i was just. so embarrassed. vaping feels so embarrasing especially since im almost 30 lmfao#ive been meaning to quit for a while and my boyfriend started using zyns and similar products and i was like okay fine. maybe ill try them#and theyre SO MUCH BETTER and its still nicotine but the cancer chances are so much lower#plus its more discreet and therefore less embarrassing#its all about harm reduction babey#now when people pick up zyns when they dont already use nic because theyre a mental stimulant.... thats bad. please dont its so addictive#i never shojld have started nicotine but im working on reducing the mg content and one day itll be off my back#its also so much nuch harder to quit when i have so much going on with school and work and i cant afford to be pissy and withdrawing ugh#anyways time to go write my neandertal paper
5 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
dafukdidiwatch
Da Fuk Did I Watch?
kursusbahasaarabterbaik
Kursus Bahasa Arab Terbaik Di Bekasi
seshacoono
the shire is burning, so mordor it is
venusbebee
Béßèe
superfluous-sleeper
Poems among other things