#i might remake this once the actual scene is out since it's a bit :

[salmalin]

My sincerest apologies and warmest welcome to my rant about FF7: Crisis Core. Or, as I like to call it,

Propaganda: The Video Game

I say this with the utmost affection. Crisis Core ranks really high up there in my favorite Final Fantasy 7 installments. I played it when it first came out, borrowing it from a friend to play on a borrowed PSP. And, the more I learn about the game and the more I replay it, the more everything lines up.

This game is not about Zack Fair.

This game is about how Capitalistic Propaganda can sink into every aspect of life to the point where it is entirely indistinguishable from reality. And it’s very overt about it. So…

Here we go.

My treatise on Propaganda’s starring role in Crisis Core.

Part One: The Timeline

Something that a lot of people gloss over due to decades of Child Heroes in media—Japanese Shonen and Shoujo series in particular—is how young these protagonists are. We’ll hand-wave a lot of stuff in non-live-action series with just a little bit of suspension of disbelief. And that’s honestly just accepted these days. But here’s the thing about those hand-waves.

Final Fantasy 7 doesn’t do that.

Now, FF7 hand-waves a lot of stuff. For example, how far you can travel in a day by foot, the distance a man weighing approximately 165lbs can jump after being genetically fused with what might as well be a cocaine demon (Jenova), and how much hairspray one can reasonably carry on a cross-country journey while on the run from the feds.

Age is not one of them.

Exhibit A: Yuffie Kisaragi.

Do I really need to say more? She acts her age. So does Zack. And Aerith, even. Most of the characters in the original lineup were over twenty for a good reason. We see several kids in the series, and they all act their age, too—both the OG and the remake. Age is not a thing that FF7 really grapples with. It’s something they take relatively seriously.

Now, to the point.

Zack is 16 when Crisis Core starts…

… and he was 13 when he ran away from home without his parents’ knowledge to join the military.

Which accepted him.

At 13.

Without a parental permission slip.

Think about that for a second.

… Or for the next several parts of this breakdown.

Part Two: The Main Character

As I mentioned in the introduction, Zack is not the main character of the events of Crisis Core. Instead, he is the focal point of the second person POV. This is not the first time Square has done this. It was done most notably with FF9, FF10, and FF12. (I’m not going to go on an Akira Kurosawa rant right now, but please check out his film “The Hidden Fortress”. FF12 and Star Wars episodes 4-6 borrow heavily from this film.) The purpose and position of this character is such that they might best witness the effects the other characters make on the world as their stories unfold, usually in the role of a love interest. For Akira Kurosawa, it may have been told this way because these people are most effected by the decisions being made.

“Well, then, Sal,” you may be asking, “who would you say is the main character? Would that be Aerith, since she’s the love interest, like in the other games?”

No, actually.

It’s the antagonist.

And by that, I mean Genesis.

Hear me out. I used to hate Genesis, for I was once young, full of judgement for flamboyancy (thanks, internalized homophobia), and was led by the narrative to believe he was mean to his friends. Then I met my Lovely beta who loved him, so I wrote a fic for her as a gift. So for that I kinda just… read stuff. Because that’s the thing about Propaganda—you gotta read stuff to navigate it. I read the in-game emails. I re-watched all the scenes I could get my hands on with him. I read his wiki and tried to track down more information about him. Then I watched the scenes in Japanese and gained a better understanding of not just Genesis, but Sephiroth’s character. And I realized that Genesis was put on this road from the start. In fact, a big part of the fact that he’s seen the way he is in Canon—only at his most hostile and lowest points—is because the story is told through Zack’s point of view.

So before we get into the breakdown, here’s the hard facts about Genesis.

1. He was a test tube baby who may or may not technically be Angeal’s fraternal twin brother, which we are not going to unpack right now.

2. He was adopted by a relatively rich family.

3. He was a child genius (which requires not only resources, but drive to achieve), and at a tender young age of like… ten or something? He decided to mess around and literally invented pasteurization. Which is incredible, and really speaks to his knowledge of the world and ability to grasp complex concepts even at a young age. But, again, this is not the time or place to unpack that.

4. He was best friends with Angeal, who might as well have been the sweetest, kindest boy to ever walk the Planet. (I’m biased. I love him.)

5. As a teenager, he became fixated on Sephiroth, who had gained national acclaim as a SOLDIER despite them being the same age. (Please see part 1 and think about that for a second.) He then goes to join SOLDIER and brings Angeal with him. And Angeal brings his step-father’s puritanical “hard work is honorable” mindset with him. (On that note, Angeal and his father’s arc really are a wonderfully scathing letter to companies that overwork their employees and how toxic/unhealthy that line of thinking is. But. Again. We are not unpacking that right now.)

6. At one point he became consumed with LOVELESS, a series of poems with heavy prose and symbolism thicker than syrup. It got to the point where he was so well known for it that there was an entire fanclub dedicated to both him and analyzing the text.

7. While he was in SOLDIER, he repeatedly had his achievements publicly accredited… to Sephiroth.

Over and over and over again.

Everyone did, really. They mention it in the beginning of the game. Sephiroth even got public credit for Zack’s raid on the castle when he wasn’t even there. How much of his legacy is real? How much of it is made up? How much of it was faked? We don’t know. No one knows. But he keeps getting credit, anyways. And when Genesis confronts him about it, Sephiroth doesn’t care. In the Japanese version of their fight scene, you could even say he indirectly implies that he wants Genesis to take his place as the “hero”. In the English, Sephiroth’s line is, “Come and try.” But in the Japanese the line is closer to, “Wouldn’t that be nice?” Which, depending on how you take his tone, can mean wildly different things—from mocking, to earnest, or even admiration—which is especially to tell because he might be annoyed with Genesis at the moment.

Fun Fact: In Ever Crisis, Sephiroth explicitly says they are making up his achievements in the press to target boys his age for recruitment. (Thus why they accepted Zack at age 13.)

My theory on this line is that he is being cynical; that Genesis doesn't understand just how harrowing and even humiliating his experience has been. This only enforces my theory that the "come and try" translation in the English not only does a disservice to a line as wonderfully heavy as, "Wouldn't that be nice?", but fundamentally misunderstands Sephiroth as a character.

8. Genesis then took the fight to Shin-Ra. Inspiring a good chunk of their staff to leave the company, he then staged multiple attacks on facilities, staff, and the main building—which also spilled out into the city of Midgar. He murdered his parents, buried them, killed everyone in town, and… Yeah. It wasn’t pretty. A lot of innocent people died simply because they were vaguely associated with Shin-Ra. These are the actions of a villain. What’s more, this is clearly a sign that he has been acclimatized to death and violence by Shin-Ra to the point where he doesn’t even consider taking hostages.

Except.

Except the entire town was a Shin-Ra town.

Banora, canonically, was a Shin-Ra built town, which means everyone there was basically an employee of the company. No one was safe. Everyone was a threat. And that…

That was how he was raised. And he finally knew the truth—that every moment of his life was touched, controlled by Shin-Ra, all the way down to his very conception. He has never known freedom. He has never known his own identity. And now that very cage was killing him, slowly and painfully, and turning him into something that couldn’t even be recognized as human. He was watching himself rot in the mirror, and it was all because of Shin-Ra’s greed. And as he searched for salvation, he sunk into LOVELESS as he always had, hinging his entire life on Minerva’s Gift because he knew he was dying and that was all he had.

9. And then he died…

10. … but then it turned out LOVELESS was actually kind of a blueprint, and he did meet the Goddess, and he did get reborn without his degradation so he was rewarded for his journey in the end.

So why wasn’t Genesis the main character of the game?

Simple.

His actions challenge the status quo without being about the status quo. It’s a story about revenge. It’s a story about retribution. It’s a story about answering mass violence with mass violence and ultimately being rewarded by it. And while, yes, the series is an action-based violence simulator, the violence in the original FF7 was a guided, tactical effort. (For all that the characters aren’t the brightest bulbs in the sun lamps.) But the biggest, most obvious shift in the narrative happened when they realized their role as terrorists—bringing mass violence to the company via bombing and open aggression—was just resulting in increasing levels of retaliation against uninvolved people. They might as well have been a child beating the ankles of a giant. The goals and themes of the game fundamentally change when they realize that answering mass-scale societal violence with mass-scale physical violence was not only unsustainable, but also wasn’t going to solve their problem.

FF7 is about change and learning when violence—and what kind of violence—is appropriate in the face of different threats.

Genesis’ arc undermines all of that, and making him the main character would contradict the very heart of the OG game.

So, instead, we are positioned as Zack, connected to him through a mutual friend. From there we see all the damage and horror this vengeance brings to those living under the status quo.

But also, that plotline’s a major downer in a lot of ways, so they needed to lighten things up a bit to keep audience involved. And that’s why Zack is, well…

Part Three: Zack is a Himbo

Please, for the love of all that is holy, keep in mind that everything I say here is with the utmost affection.

Zack is dumb as a rock.

He is a charismatic, enthusiastic sixteen year old jock who ran away from home at thirteen years old to join the military. Which, please know, why I say “military” I mean “private security guard force with a standard-issue Death Baton and a license to kill”. The first scene in the game is him being excited that he gets to murder a bunch of people in a simulation, which he is immediately scolded for by his mentor. He is a glorified, souped up private security guard who is canonically only in it for the glory at first. He wants to be a “hero”, but doesn’t seem to fundamentally know what that means. And, over the course of the story, the definition of that clearly changes for him.

Which tracks, because the story takes place over a period of time with high stress.

Occasionally I see people saying they wish that Zack had more complexity to him, and honestly? The game. Would be. SO. BAD.

Full Disclosure: I am not the biggest fan of Zack specifically because he lacks a lot of nuance. I wish he was a bit more complex, too. But I also know that would break the game. What’s worse, if he was still on Shin-Ra’s side because he understood Shin-Ra’s mission… Well… That would make him a villain, or a cog at best. That’s not main character material. It would make the ending more messed up, though.

Anywho, Zack was thirteen when he left home. He had no formal education. He didn’t tell anyone what he was doing. He even joined without a permission slip from his parents. This means that Shin-Ra was accepting thirteen, possibly fourteen year olds into the military. (Some people will say this tracks because you can get a job at fourteen in many parts of Japan. But, and this is important, you aren’t allowed to be a security guard until you’re quite a bit older, and you need a specific license for it, much like in the US.) Clearly they didn’t teach this boy critical thinking skills. Not because he’s a himbo, but because having their Super-Powered Private Security Force With A License To Kill think independently would explicitly go against their interests. (EX: Genesis.)

Shin-Ra needs SOLDIERs to follow orders or the company would no longer be able to function. Seconds and Thirds aren’t even allowed to reject missions. (One could argue that sending certain someone on back-to-back missions would be a good way for them to eliminate undesirables within the ranks by sending them to their deaths, which… would make an incredible fic idea, actually.) We already know that First, Second, and Third Class rank assignments do not actually reflect the power of the SOLDIER. This is canon. I would instead argue that those who make the rank of First Class aren’t necessarily the most powerful, but are instead the most visible in the media, thus the easiest to market, and/or the easiest to manipulate and control. (For a great example of this, see The Umbrella Academy.)

The point is, Zack may have been elevated to his position as a first specifically because he is malleable and single-minded. Even after all he saw with Genesis, he stuck by the company to the very end, with the exception of the time Sephiroth was literally guiding him to fail a mission. Zack allowed himself to take Shin-Ra’s side every time, taking down their enemies and following their orders, preserving his “honor as SOLDIER” as he had been taught. The only thing that made him stop…

… was literally getting put in a jar.

It was when he was no longer a SOLDIER.

Part Four: Honor

There is no such thing as SOLDIER Honor.

I repeat: There is no such thing as SOLDIER Honor.

It is a fictional thing that is borne of an ideology based around hard work. It only has power because it is believed in. It is an intangible social construct similar to the law, mathematical order of operations, and gender roles. So why are Angeal and Zack obsessed with it?

Pretty simple.

Angeal’s step-father followed it.

Now, we know three things about Angeal’s step-father.

1. He was chill with the fact that Gillian was already pregnant when they started dating.

2. He was a very good father.

3. He worked himself to death trying to pay off the sword he bought Angeal.

This, of course, says a lot about Angeal considering he rarely uses the sword. He essentially sees that sword as the symbol of his step-father’s life. Everything he uses it for, he sees as more important than his step-father’s life. That thing is usually Zack.

Zack, who is the child who joined the military based on stories of heroes.

Zack, who rises against Angeal in the name of his own step-father’s ideology and tries to talk him down, even at the very end. But Zack fails because he fundamentally doesn’t understand what’s going on, partially because “Soldier Honor” is just one more aspect of this narrative he was given. It is a narrative that Angeal has had to step away from, even though he doesn’t want to leave the memory of his step-father behind. He was a good man. He was a good, hardworking man.

And that is why he died.

Corporations will use you up until there is nothing left, then honor your memory/sacrifice. Shin-Ra was doing the exact same thing the company his step-father worked for did; using up SOLDIERs until they outlived their usefulness. And Angeal was horrified to realize that his “SOLDIER Honor” wasn’t honor at all.

It was willingly submitting to control.

But, unlike Angeal, over time, this meaning changed for Zack. Partially because he didn't understand it fully in the first place. It became about acting with integrity. It became about helping people. It became about not lying down and watching the abuse Shin-Ra handed out in exchange for literal money; for maintaining the status quo.

At the very end, Zack understood what it meant to be a hero.

Part Five: The Conclusion

To sum up, Zack believed in and idolized the propaganda spread by Shin-Ra at such a young age, and was so convinced by it, that he ran away from home at thirteen to join the military.

He was their target demographic, so they happily took him into their ranks. What’s more, people think this is normal enough that we see no one opposing this, because the only people who oppose Shin-Ra are “extremists” or “violent terrorists”.

Zack then became their loyal puppy, groomed to fill his role as super-powered attack dog to sick on anyone they deemed appropriate, and he filled the role. He believed he was doing good. He didn’t think they were invading another country, because that’s not what he was told.

He went after Genesis, because that’s what he was told, and he wouldn’t let Genesis’ actions shake his faith in the company.

Then he went after Angeal, hoping to get answers, only to become more confused. Angeal taught him about SOLDIER honor. He taught him about a higher calling. He was the one who made Zack truly loyal to the company. This challenged everything Zack knew.

He went with Sephiroth, planning a small rebellion of their own (a white lie on paperwork) to get answers, only to find things he wasn’t ready for and couldn’t fully understand.

Zack is shaken by each of these events. Horribly. At times, we even watch him grieve. But time and time again, he doesn’t leave the company. He sees the damage they do first hand, and he doesn’t leave the company. The company isn’t the problem, to him. He reads their emails, does their dirty work, and “maintains his SOLDIER honor”.

Zack swallows what they give him right up until what they give him is torture.

Zack swallows what they give him until he becomes their victim.

Every step of the way, Zack is fed a story of how the world is. He was raised on it. He lived it. He became part of it. He was paid peanuts to enforce the status quo Shin-Ra installed in the world by force, and he was proud of it because it was, to him, something to be proud of.

Zack believes the propaganda whole-sale, and we get to watch, from the point of view of an outsider, as it slowly destroys his life before killing him.

Propaganda has the power to make suffering normal. Propaganda has the power to make murder righteous. Propaganda has the power to take a thirteen year old boy out of his home so they can give him a sword, and when they point him in the direction of their enemies he charges of his own volition, because they made him believe in their cause. And he believes in their cause because he believes that it makes life better for everyone.

But that’s not what’s actually happening.

That’s just what he was told.

Crisis Core is about propaganda, and the depths to which it can affect our lives. It changes our belief systems. It changes our perceptions of reality. And when it’s torn down around our eyes, it can make us go insane. It can make us violent and unreasonable as we realize just how much violence is being forced upon us—violence other people just plain do not see. It's just a a piece of paper. It's just a law. It's just a job.

It's just a war.

Final Fantasy 7 was about Fascism.

Crisis Core is about the propaganda that built it. It is told from the point of view of a boy, then a man, steeped in it. He watches until the people suffering around him—Sephiroth, Genesis, and Angeal—are twisted into villains by the truths and lies around them. Genesis and Angeal are tortured by truths, Sephiroth is transformed by lies, and Zack is subsequently hunted down to conceal them.

Crisis Core is Propaganda: The Video Game.

[telvess]

Headcanons for all the characters including Jack since it’s based on Hamlet watching The lion king with the reader. (the original animated movie not the live action remake.)

Record Of Ragnarok Characters x Reader watching together The Lion King (headcanons) 🔞

You know, I haven’t watched The Lion King in… well I watched it once when I was kid and that’s it. Mulan, Hercules and Tarzan were my movies. Anyway I ended up watching The Lion King again to refresh my memory.

Qin

A what? Are you involved? Then Qin would agree to do anything.

He’s like a big kid - chill and carefree, even more than usually. Both of you goof around, Mr. Emperor tries to sing without knowing words, popcorn flies around, you pause a movie in stupid moments to make him laugh etc.

You get a stomachache from laughing too much and Qin obviously has to get infected.

Just two morons have time of their afterlife.

The only moment when there is silence is when Simba loses his father. That scene just hits too close to home and remains Qin about Chun Yan. However he doesn’t let it bother him too much.

HAKUNA MATATA

You both loudly encourage lions to battle.

At the end he asks what other movies you like.

Jack

Because he isn’t familiar with the concept of love and how to express it, spending time with you is probably Jack’s way to show his affection. If you ask him to watch an animated movie together, he’d politely agree, even if it’s not his thing.

Expect tea. And cheddar apple pie.

Jack sees Simba’s journey as a lovely and naive story. Deep inside he does compare himself to that lion cub and wonders what kind of person he would've become if he had only received help from strangers. On top of that Jack actually killed his parents, so it’s odd to him to see how much Simba struggles with remorse over Mufasa’s death which wasn’t his fault.

Truth to be told Jack might mentions some quotes from Shakespeare IF you point out similarities between the movie and Hamlet. These resemblances aren’t very visible. But it may be enough to start an interesting conversation.

The ending of the story may seems a bit bitter to Jack. Whoever was meant to be good, stayed good, and whoever was meant to be bad - stayed bad. Kinda depressing outcome for a man who’s trying to change himself, right? You’d have to talk about it and remind that it’s just a simplification made for children.

Now it’s time for a cuddle session.

Loki

Do you really want to do this to yourself? You’re very naive if you expect to have a fun with this guy while watching this kind of movie.

At first it’s just boring to him, but after awhile he amuses himself by coming up with new ways to destroy the show. He makes a loud comment every time the opportunity arises. For example, there is a scene where Zaku tells young Simba and Nala that they’d be married one day, to which Simba replies: No way! She’s my friend! You can hear a loud snort on the side, followed by She’s your SISTER, dumbass!

Loud chewing.

Hey, y/n, do you know that once Simba becomes the king, he will have kids with every lioness? Even his mom?

Do they have to sing all the time?

DON’T YOU DARE mention that you can see a similarity between him and hyenas or forget about chips, popcorn, whatever you two are eating.

Phew! It’s finally over. Wanna do something funny, y/n?

Adamas

Childish entertainment but once he sees that your eyes get wet with tears, he quickly agrees.

A cheerful start bores him but except tactless way of sitting, he doesn’t do anything to ruin your fun.

Even if Mufasa’s death was expected, it still hits hard Adamas. Basically catches him off guard. It remains him about his last meeting with Poseidon: his brother’s pure contempt towards him, that dead, indifferent expression of his face when he pierced Adamas with his trident, then cold surrounding body and Poseidon’s back as he walked away. But while the movie continues, a new digression haunts Adamas. He plays that scene again in his head and it hits him harder, because he realizes that he almost became Scar to Zeus.

So now he sits stiffly on his ass with a very depressed expression. One look at him is enough for you to know that you have to pause the movie and talk to a guy. At first he rejects your attempts, but very quickly ends up letting you hug him tight. Still plays a tough idiot tho…

Beelzebub

Most of the time he just sits next to you with lifeless expression.

Hakuna matata his ass.

Beelzebub secretly enjoys when you sing, but it’s really hard to catch him with a smile on his face. If you manage to do so, he reluctantly admits it. Good luck with convincing him to join you.

He doesn’t have any deeper thoughts about the movie.

If you mention that Timon and Pumba remain you Samael and Azazel, Beelzebub would just give you a dull look. After awhile he starts to notice that too and has mixed feelings about it.

Hrist

She finds this idea very sweet. It’s relaxing and enjoyable.

When Scar kills Mufasa: RAGE MODE ACTIVATION!

Since then you sit with angry Hrist who really does not like phrase hakuna matata. She starts to hate Simba for being so thoughtless.

Screams SHUT UP every time they start singing.

When Simba lets Scar leave, Hrist in heat of the moment chokes you and loudly screams how dumb he is. You wonder if it can get worse and the answer comes very quickly - Simba fights Scar on the TV screen and you fight for every breath on a couch.

Hermes

Hermes approaches the movie from a different angle: he focuses more on a soundtrack. The movie itself is simple story with moral, standard for humans’ approval.

You both consider an improvement of some songs and probably start doing it in the middle of a movie. Sorry, Simba.

Ares

Ares doesn’t care much about Mufasa’s death - it's necessary plot twist to move on with thread… but the ending kinda touches him. It's very climatic in his opinion.

He is NOT crying, okay?

Well you are. Or you pretend very convincingly so he doesn’t have to play tough boy. He has no idea…

Hades

Because he is a gentleman, your wish would be granted.

It’s animated movie but Hades drinks wine. No cola, no popcorn or other snacks. Please, have some dignity.

Hades has weird uncomfortable feeling in his chest when Scar kills his own brother. Scene just awakes something he doesn’t like to mention: conflict between Poseidon, Adamas and Zeus. Hades never could bring himself to blame any of them for how things turned out, so now he doesn’t try to look too deep into Musafa’s murder.

Afterwards he would share his honest opinion with you, almost like professional critic.

Poseidon

No expression throughout the entire movie.

Scar is pathetic.

Mufasa is pathetic.

Simba is pathetic.

Timon and Pumba aren’t even worth mentioning.

That movie proves that humans are lower forms of life.

At least you have chance to hug Poseidon. If he spends time with you, it means he demands it.

After a movie: Y/n, such entertainment is unworthy of the gods.

Leonidas

Books are better than movies. But fine, if you insist, the King of Sparta would spare some time.

The best comforter: Why are you crying? It’s fiction! It’s not even human! By the way - that lion could kill you with a single paw swing. These mfs are huge! Better him than you, hon!

He smokes so much that you have trouble seeing the TV screen.

Stop couching, hon! I can’t hear what they’re sayin’!

The moment Pumba approach, Leonidas starts talking about his love for venison.

You need truly heroic self-denial to not kick him out. The only option to get him to shut up is to kiss him. He doesn’t get why the kiss is angry but he likes it that way.

You two probably miss the ending. Leonidas thinks Simba isn’t worthy of being king anyway.

Apollo

Ah, y/n, aren’t you adorable for loving such innocent enjoyment? Of course he agrees!

You have to feed him snacks.

He sings along with the characters and makes the movie much better. You end up watching him showing off instead of the movie. Your dirty side may bait off a bit more mature show.

He knows exactly what you're doing and doesn't mind at all.

Later you might catch him humming songs from the movie.

Hello, dear. May I be your king tonight?

Rudra

Simba’s and Nala’s childhood brings nostalgia. Rudra spent his entire youth with Shiva and they were both free spirits. Watching these lion cubs brings back many funny memories.

Rudra’s favourite moment is Simba’s reunion with Nala. He gets mad if he notices you smirking.

Parvati, Kali, Durga and Shiva

You decide it’s time for girls’ night out.

None of you is focus on the movie, it’s just an addition. You mostly talk and laugh. Very loud that it may attracts Shiva.

He just sits down between you with Whatcha doin’? then proceeds to eats all the popcorn and other snacks like vacuum cleaner.

[glon-morski]

FF7 Rebirth Ending Interpretation

Well. That game sure was a ride, huh? 

As stated above, I’ll be talking about my interpretations of the ending. Please note that I’m writing this about two weeks after the game came out (for future reference). Obviously, spoilers for the entire game ahead/under the cut.

The main question of the ending if, of course, rather obvious: did Aerith die or not?

Cloud sees her alive and well, but the rest of the party doesn’t and is grieving her death. With how Cloud was set up since Remake and especially throughout Rebirth to be the one with hallucinations and delusions, one would think the answer to the question of “what is truth, what is fiction?” should be obvious, right? But… what if it’s not as clear-cut as the most obvious answer? What if Cloud is the one who sees reality and not his teammates? What if we have (finally, for some) left the “original world” of the OG behind and are now 100% in a different world, similarly to how Remake dangled that option in our face more subtly?

Yes, you read that right. My personal belief is that Aerith didn’t actually die, at least not in the world we see in the ending scene. There is a world where she died, of course. The world of the OG. But this is not the world we get to see at the end of Rebirth, and possibly not the one we will play in Part 3.

Hear me out.

1) The framing of Aerith’s death.

In many other “ending explanation/interpretation/theory” videos I watched on YouTube these past few days, everyone always comments on how we’re “teased” with Aerith surviving before ultimately seeing her die. But in none of them did I see anyone comment or talk about the way this vision of a death is brought about. It’s not the the first thing we see. It’s not that we see her live and then get a fade-to-black or fade-to-white like in other parts of the game. No. Instead, the shift is done in a very telling, very specific manner: the static that indicates Jenova’s interference with what is being remembered or perceived. Whichever of the two is the truth, Jenova is making Cloud (and us) see the other option. It’s not a glimpse at what was or what could have been. It’s all Jenova.

So, having established that, why do I think Jenova is fabricating the vision of Aerith’s death, and not her survival? Well, let’s look a bit closer at both the framing and how Jenova’s interference is portrayed through most of the game.

A) The “mechanism” of Jenova’s memory and perception editing

We’ve seen Jenova (also referred to as Mimic for the particular ability to copy a person’s memories) interfere with Cloud’s memories and his perception of reality many times throughout both games. In Remake, this was mostly in cases when:

- Jenova had to edit memories in the background so Cloud’s fake persona was still believable, for example in the very first chapter where he went “I’ve never been to a reactor like this before” because “the layout depends on when a reactor was built”.

- Jenova interfered with Cloud’s immediate perception to block some things out, primarily any mention of Zack.

- Sephiroth appeared before Cloud.

In Rebirth, it goes a bit further than that. We see Jenova edit Cloud’s memories in real time in Nibelheim when he first remembers Zack. We see Jenova ensuring he doesn’t see Tifa’s scar when she shows it to him a second time in Gongaga, with the implication that his memory of seeing it in Kalm has also been altered, only for everything to be edited back once Tifa falls into the mako. And of course, there are again the appearances of Sephiroth, as well as the frantic editing going on in the ending itself (very reminiscent of Nibelheim, might I add).

Of note here is how it’s all portrayed, which is what I mean by “mechanism”. There might be some discrepancies between Remake and Rebirth as Cloud’s situation changes, but throughout Rebirth itself, there is one definite consistency to every time Jenova messes with Cloud’s mind, be it his memories or his immediate perception. Namely, that we as the player first get a look at reality (whether obvious, brief, or much earlier in the game in the case of Tifa’s scar) before the editing kicks in and we see Jenova interfering, if not outright seeing how it changes Cloud’s memories or perception. In a lot of cases, we also see reality againafter the interference is over, to further drive home that Cloud is seeing things the other characters are not.

Why is this important? Because assuming the ending doesn’t pull a (rather random) deviation from that set-up, the first thing we saw was Cloud managing to save Aerith before the camera zoomed in on the clean blade. Only then did Jenova’s interference start. Looking at it from how it worked for the rest of the game, Jenova was attempting to alter Cloud’s perception and see blood where there was none, rather than the opposite.

B) The general framing of the scene

Setting aside whether we see reality first and the lie second or the other way around purely from an “it’s been like this the rest of the game” assumption, there is another thing. Namely, Jenova’s interference was only ever present in regards to Cloud. He was the one whose memories were tampered with, he was the one who didn’t always see things as they actually were, he’s the one who can (and sometimes is) controlled by Jenova/Sephiroth. But in the ending, there’s one interesting detail that I think warrants consideration.

When the rest of the party is allowed to enter the City of the Ancients and come running, it is after the first bout of Jenova’s interference ends. After Aerith tells Cloud that “it’s okay” and he’s relieved because she actually looks fine after all.

The first shot we get of the two as the others arrive is this one.

We can argue until we’re all blue in the face if the dark spot under Aerith in this shot is blood or just a shadow, though I do agree it looks a whole lot like blood. Still, we can tell that that spot aside, there is no blood anywhere else. There are no dark spots on Aerith herself (on her hand), or on Masamune. And then an interesting thing happens as the camera swoops in on Tifa as if to tell us “this is a PoV change, we see what she’s seeing now”. Which makes sense. Throughout Rebirth, Tifa has been set up as the main person who can notice when Cloud is being weird, or when his memories are weird, which was also pretty much the case in the OG. She’s the one we, the players, are supposed to trust when Cloud is acting off or remembering things she thinks are odd. Unlike Cloud, she’s not affected by Jenova. She sees the truth.

Except when she doesn’t. The thing is, we get the camera swooping in on her to indicate the PoV change to her… and then the following shots are full of Jenova’s interference all over again, shifting between seeing blood and not seeing any. However, Tifa’s (and Barrets) reactions make it clear what it is they actually see: Aerith, dying or already dead.

Question: if Aerith dying is reality, why is there a Jenova static effect in what Tifa sees? Just to throw us off? To confuse us?

Maybe so, but honestly, it feels a little odd to throw it in if Jenova wasn’t actually manipulating someone’s perception. And those of us who played the OG know very well that Jenova’s ability to make people see something else than reality isn’t limited to those who have her biological material in them. Otherwise, she never could have fooled the Cetra.

And there is another thing: the last scene with Rufus and “Glenn”, who turns out to be nothing but a Shadow of Sephiroth.

Rufus has never been in contact with Jenova. He doesn’t have her biological material in him. But he has been made to see Glenn (and then briefly Sephiroth) in the place of a simple Shadow of Sephiroth (or Sephiroth Clone, as they were called in the OG localization). This feels like the game reminding us – or letting those who never played the OG know – that Jenova indeed isn’t limited to Cloud in fucking up in their perception.

But wait. There’s an issue here, isn’t there? After all, even after the fight and after Sephiroth is gone from the City of the Ancients, Cloud is still the only one who can see Aerith just fine. The others don’t see her at all and still think her dead. If it’s indeed their perception being messed with and not Cloud’s, why is it not lifting? Any other time Jenova tried fucking with Cloud, he saw the truth eventually. Well, let’s look a bit closer at what we, and the characters, know of Jenova’s abilities, shall we?

2) Jenova’s Abilities and Limitations

I’ll be pulling mostly from Rebirth here (since Sephiroth and the Cetra so kindly gave us so much Jenova lore), but also a little bit from the OG regarding details I believe to be important even if they have yet to come up properly in the Remake trilogy, as well as CC(R) as a source of additional proof where necessary.

Jenova’s abilities are, to be frank, a terrifying combo. To summarize, it can

- appear as someone else, usually taking the form of a deceased whom its current victim used to know

- edit someone’s immediate perception of the things around them in real time (which is probably how the implied shapeshifting actually works, but as far as I know there’s no hard confirmation on that; not that it really matters for this meta)

- copy someone’s memories (a form of mind reading, I guess)

- edit its own DNA and memories (or the memories of a host some of its biological material is stuck in)

- a form of telepathy where it can put images/thoughts in people’s heads (as evidenced by Sephiroth, Cloud, and also strongly implied through Angeal and possibly Genesis in CC(R))

- furthermore, these abilities aren’t restricted to Jenova as a “complex lifeform”, but can be used and called upon even when it it’s in scattered pieces as small singular cells.

So, in short, we’re talking about an intelligent life-form capable of mind-altering/affecting abilities with possibly full on shapeshifting to top it all off (not that Jenova needs it), and with every single piece of it capable of using those abilities on its own. Of note here is that the players know all this (and even then only those who played the OG; newcomers can certainly guess at some of those abilities because they’ve been shown in action, but they haven’t had them explained in detail). The characters, on the other hand? All they got is what Sephiroth told them of Jenova’s abilities on the ship to Costa del Sol.

“They say she’s a monster. That she can peer inside you - into the very depths of your soul. That she can become those you hate. Those you fear. Those you love. And they call her… Jenova.”

He tells them about the mind-reading. He tells them about the “shape-shifting” which we, the players, know could work in two ways. He certainly doesn’t mention the ability she has of putting thoughts in your head or visions in your mind, altering your perception of things, though. Which is why Cloud thinks these things happen to him because of Degradation instead. It’s the only explanation he (or anyone else in the party) have.

There are also some limitations to Jenova’s powers (thank God for that, right? LOL). For one thing, distance. Jenova doesn’t seem able to affect someone without being in their close vicinity or, alternatively, having someone with its biological material in the vicinity of the manipulated person. This, of course, doesn’t apply to someone who already has Jenova’s biological material inside them, because they’re as close to the source as they can get.

The second limitation is rather more interesting, but also requires a little more assumption and, like the shapeshifting, can go two ways.

Any time we see Sephiroth, it is quickly revealed that it’s actually a Shadow of Sephiroth instead whom Cloud and the party perceived as Sephiroth (or whom Rufus perceived as Glenn). This implies one of two things:

a) Jenova  can’t make people hallucinate something “from thin air”. By that I mean, Jenova can’t create a hallucination of a whole-ass person acting all normal if there is nothing but air in reality. It needs a base to build off of. That’s why, in Rebirth, whenever Cloud sees Sephiroth, it’s in actuality a Black Robe. Or

b) Jenova could create a hallucination from thin air, but chooses not to because of a different limitation: it can trick the eyes and ears, but not the sense of touch.

If it’s the first one, then the Aerith Cloud sees cannot be a fake created by Jenova because Jenova wouldn’t be able to make Cloud hallucinate her. In which case, if she’s not real, then Cloud is hallucinating her all by herself. Which, sure, is possible, but it definitely creates very big narrative problems in that it indicates a mental break the likes of which Cloud didn’t have in the OG, and for good reason. While he has more then enough reasons to be messed up and traumatized, most of Cloud’s serious mental issues in the OG were all created by Jenova. His hallucinations, his fake personality, his uncertainty of whether or not he was ever a real person… all because of Jenova messing with his memories and Sephiroth exploiting that and manipulating him. Which means the source wasn’t Cloud’s own mind, but an eldritch abomination from space. And as such, the problem could largely be fixed by just “doing something to set him straight”, which in the OG was what the Lifestream Sequence accomplished.

If Cloud is now hallucinating Aerith without Jenova’s input because he can’t face her death, then that’s an entirely different ball game and I cannot see it being satisfactorily resolved without Cloud having to be benched and someone else taking over and finishing things. Which, granted, happens for a time in the OG as well while Cloud is mako poisoned in Mideel, but it’s not nearly for a long enough time for Cloud to recover from a mental break such a this. That would take years. And unless he passes the “main character and hero of the story” baton to someone else, it ain’t happening.

I don’t know about you, but that wouldn’t just be a letdown for me, it would be downright insulting and dismissive of mental illnesses in a way in which FFVII never was.

Okay, so let’s say Cloud hasn’t completely broken down mentally and hasn’t started hallucinating Aerith all by himself. Let’s also say that Jenova isn’t making him hallucinate her from thin air. So, she’s real. That still leaves us with one glaring problem.

Why can’t the others see her?

Well… there is one last thing Jenova can do that I haven’t mentioned yet. Something Remake has exploited and very vaguely teased.

Jenova can warp one’s perception so they don’t see or hear someone who is actually there.

This ability comes the most prominently to the front in the OG when the party visits the Northern Cave and shortly before Cloud gives Sephiroth the Black Materia again. During that scene, Tifa yells and yells at Cloud to not do it, but what she says is no longer in the typical speech bubble, but rather almost like a narrator voice over the screen. One of her questions at that point is “you can’t hear my voice?”

No. Cloud can’t. And in fact, none of the other characters in the scene act like they see or hear Tifa at all.

Rebirth hasn’t really touched on this ability yet. But Remake has alluded to it several times when Cloud saw Sephiroth (who was likely a Shadow of Sephiroth again), and then nothing and no one at all. In one scene, when Cloud, Barret and Tifa are on the way to Aerith’s house after the Platefall, we even get a direct comparison when Cloud sees Sephiroth, and then we get to see through Tifa that there is seemingly no one there.And then, there is the scene in the Drum, where Cloud is experiencing another Jenova episode and Tifa slowly approaches him. We see there is no one on the walkway up ahead. Then we get a close-up of Tifa and Cloud as she asks him if he’s okay before looking ahead again, and her eyes grow wide. Because suddenly, Sephiroth is there.

It’s subtle, but it is a hint at that particular part of Jenova’s perception-manipulating abilities, I believe.

It doesn’t help that in Rebirth’s final scene, Aerith doesn’t even really try to talk to anyone but Cloud. She doeslay a hand on Nanaki’s shoulder and he does acknowledge it, but is it a case of him sensing her spirit, or him feeling her physical touch but still being unable to see her? Both are equally possible, but I think you don’t need me to tell you which one I believe is happening.

But wait. I said myself that one of Jenova’s limits regarding mind manipulation seems to be distance. If so, how can the rest of the party still not see Aerith after Sephiroth and Jenova are gone?

Well, we’ve already established that Jenova can manipulate someone – anyone – and that she doesn’t need to be whole to do that. A fragment of her is enough. That’s why it can constantly play with Cloud’s mind whenever. Because he does have her cells (or Sephiroth’s cells) inside him. And here’s the thing: by the end of Rebirth, he’s, in my opinion, more than close enough to a Shadow of Sephiroth to be the “conduit” for Jenova to manipulate the others. He was basically completely taken over for most of the Temple of the Ancients, for one thing, something that was made painfully obvious when you still controlled Aerith rather than him when the group reunited (something that didn’t happen at any other point of any other character), and then when you played him going after Aerith and the Black Materia after the Temple’s collapsed. If you try to not go after her and pull the joystick back, Cloud starts shifting and contorting very much like a Shadow of Sephiroth that is being pulled towards a given destination. The only real difference between Cloud and them would be that he’s not as Degraded – not in body and not in mind – and so he isn’t fully lost or at the “I can only slowly shuffle forward” stage.Alternatively, of course, there can also be a Shadow of Sephiroth somewhere close by without the party knowing, but that demands a little more suspension of disbelief and, at least to me, feels like reaching.

3) A Different World

All right, so I think I’ve established why it’s possible for Aerith to still be alive. That leaves one last part of my claim still to be discussed: that we’re in a different world at the end of Rebirth than at its beginning.

Let’s go back to the framing of the scene again. If you look at the exact moment when Cloud breaks free of the Whispers and parries Sephiroth’s blade, we see a brief flash of a “rainbow” before Sephiroth is pushed back. From that point onwards, up until Cloud catches Aerith in his arms as she falls, the entire altar is circled not just by Sephiroth’s Black Whispers (which quickly leave), but also this rainbow glow.This glow is the effect Rebirth uses to show a creation of a different world. A different possibility. A fork in the timeline. We’ve seen it multiple times with Zack, as obvious as in this scene and far more subtle, whenever he made a choice. The most blatant example that comes to mind is the scene where he was picking the left or the right tunnels to go to either Hojo or Biggs.

There is one thing to note, though: whenever this effect made an appearance to indicate that “multiple possibilities have been created”, we didn’t immediately jump between them. We followed the first choice made and remained in the same world. When Zack chose to go to Hojo, we saw the possibility being created that he went to Biggs instead, but the next scene of him we got was still at the Shinra Building where he wanted to meet with Hojo. What’s more, we didn’t see multiple approaches of that (like Zack trying to go in through the front vs Zack trying to enter through the parking lot like the party did – and nobody can tell me there’s no way he didn’t at least think of the option). We see him facing a platoon at the main entrance. We see him confront them. And then we get a “fade-to-white” that… kinda seems to indicate the end of that particular story. Only then do we see the Pug-Stamp world where Zack went to Biggs, and only after that do we see the third option where he went to neither and visited the church to make up his mind instead.

What this means is that when Cloud saved Aerith, he created a fork in the road, a new world, and going by other obvious instances of this, there is little reason for us – or the story – to randomly jump off the road he just created to another alternative. So by pure logic, we should be in the world where Aerith survived.

4) The “problems” such a twist would create

Now, time to hit the most controversial issue. If Aerith actually survived like I believe, I can already imagine the havoc most of the fandom will raise. “But her death is iconic! It must happen! She can’t cast Holy without dying! She can’t save the Planet from the Lifestream if she’s not in it! She can’t stop Meteor!”

To those people I say: kindly shut up and listen for a spell.

Aerith’s death in the OG is indeed iconic… but most of the reason it hit so hard in the OG was because it was so unexpected. That’s a feeling that could never have been replicated in Rebirth, because everybody and their mother seems to know by now that Aerith died in the OG. Everyone was waiting for this moment to see how it would play out. Very few are the exceptions who don’t know. But as for everything else… I’m sorry to burst your nostalgic bubble, but it’s not true. Any of it.

Aerith did not need to die to cast Holy. Holy was already cast and Sephiroth could hold it back by sheer will alone. Aerith dying did not make Holy stronger or anything of the sort. It was not the price for casting Holy, either. If it was, Sephiroth wouldn’t have even needed to impale her.

Aerith also doesn’t need to die to command the Lifestream, something which we see far more reinforced in Rebirth than we did in the OG. She’s using the Lifestream just fine in the Temple to shape it as she needs it, after all. Sure, she first needs to learn how to do it, because she never had the chance to learn before, but she absolutely can do it without being dead. There is no reason to think she’ll need to die to use the Lifestream to stop meteor in this case. What she does need is to learn how to do it.

I hate to have to remind people of this, but in the OG, the whole “point” of Aerith’s death was that it was senseless. It had no narrative meaning. It was no noble sacrifice; it was not something that “needed to happen for the greater good”. It happened, yes, and the remaining characters grieved her, but had she survived, the story’s narrative would not have changed one iota. The emotional impact of her death would be gone because she wouldn’t be dead, sure, but outside of that emotional hit, her death did nothing to advance the story in terms of narrative. It gave the party an additional reason to want to stop Sephiroth, but it’s not like they needed another push, either. Most of the fandom seems to have convinced themselves that she needed to die, and I assume it was a form of coping with the unexpected loss given that she is a fictional character in a story that very typically would paint an MCD as something that was “necessary for the greater good”, but that is not the case here. And that was the whole point.

So, those worries people have about her casting Holy or stopping Meteor? Yup, still possible with her alive. Her survival does not actually doom the Planet.

5) The Narrative Purpose of Having Aerith Live

Finally, one last thing you might be wondering about: narratively speaking, what is the point of having Aerith survive, but have most of the party not be aware of it? Why would Jenova/Sephiroth want that? If Aerith’s death is one big mindfuck created by Jenova, how is Cloud of all people immune to it this time? And why does she stay alone at the City of the Ancients to "pray"?

Well, what Sephiroth wants is basically for Cloud to not trust his companions and vice versa. He wants him isolated and susceptible to his manipulations. He wants to have him as his puppet to use and torment. What can I say? The man is obsessed.

His first attempt at breaking Cloud was, as in the OG, by killing Aerith. When that failed, he tried to have him believe Aerith died anyway.

Except at the end of Rebirth, Cloud is very determined to not believe one word Sephiroth says. And this is important because as powerful as Jenova is, its power and influence can be overcome if one’s willpower, one’s sense of who they are, one’s heart (one’s kokoro, a word that’s often translated as “heart” from Japanese, but the concept of which encompasses all those other things as well) is strong enough. And Cloud does have the potential to be strong enough to overcome it. He does in the OG. It’s a big part of how he ultimately recovers his true self. The problem is, the way Rebirth portrays it at the end, Cloud is in this odd space where he’s on one hand supremely vulnerable to Sephiroth’s and Jenova’s manipulations, and on the other hand begins to tap into that true strength of his that allows him to overcome Jenova.

So what I think happened is that Jenova tried to make Cloud see Aerith as dead, but when she reached out and spoke to him, he broke free of that control and suppressed Jenova’s ability to twist his own perception of things, but not Jenova’s ability to affect others because he doesn’t even know about it. That’s why, for a short moment, we see things as they are again. We see Aerith being fine.

And then the others arrive and Jenova basically flips the coin and starts manipulating them. The end result of which will be the same… if not potentially worse, depending on how things go.

Think about it. Rebirth set Cloud up as the unreliable narrator even better and more poignantly than the OG did. Furthermore, after her first dip in the Lifestream and remembering the whole thing with climbing Mt Nibel as kids, but not experiencing a revisit of any other memories, Tifa has little reason to doubt her recollection of Nibelheim. Especially since Cloud’s recollection changed to partially fit hers once he remembered Zack. Tifa, and the rest of the party, are far more likely to believe their own eyes and Tifa’s version of the past should she speak up than Cloud’s at this point. None of them have any reason to believe they are suddenly the ones seeing things.

Cloud himself is also far more aware of how unreliable his memory is. So if confronted with something he and Tifa remember (or saw) differently, who is he more likely to believe?

This can all further play into Sephiroth’s attempt to convince him that he’s merely a puppet. That nothing he thinks or remembers or believes is real. And the thing is, Sephiroth (whom Cloud resists supremely now) doesn’t even have to do a single thing. The party will do it for him, because I can’t imagine them notaddressing the fact that they believe Aerith died, yet Cloud acts like nothing is wrong.

And who can ever correct them or anything? There’s only two things that could help: one, the Lifestream Sequence as per the OG so Cloud can piece himself together. Or, alternatively, the one person who can confirm that there is some truth to Cloud’s recollection of Nibelheim and that he was indeed there even if Tifa has no clue about it: Zack.

Of course, Zack is in a different world altogether, so him playing this kind of major role is up in the air and very dependent on the exact inner workings of the multiverse created here. I have plenty of thoughts on that, too, but that’s for another time.

Either way, this sets up Cloud to be isolated from the party all by his own and the party’s doing. And you know what this seems to fit? Cait Sith’s fortune from all the way back in chapter 8 of Rebirth.

Yes, yes that fortune.

The fortune that spoke of a “last minute twist” and how Cloud “would lose what he cherished most”.

Those who watched Advent Children know what it is that the real Cloud cherishes most: everything. “There is not a thing I don’t cherish!” And right now, even though Aerith survived, it does seem like he’s set up to lose it all unless something is done.

As for Aerith staying behind, consider this: unlike in the OG, we don't awaken in Gongaga a few days after everything at the Temple. Aerith hasn't been gone for at least a day. We don't have to waste time going after her by figuring out we have to go to Bone Village (factor in Tiny Bronco voyage time here), we don't have to lose time mining for a Lunar Harp. The party enters the Sleeping Forest at the same time as her, but then just "loses her in the fog". When Cloud wakes up, he sees the Whispers and guides them the right way.

Unlike in the OG, we don't get to the City of the Ancients at least one day after Aerith, if not more. We get there a couple hours after her at most, if even that. In fact, when Cloud approaches her, we hear her start praying. Unlike in the OG, there is every chance she didn't finish casting Holy - had barely even started - by the time Sephiroth interrupts and quite literally crashes the party.

Setting Holy aside (because Cloud could very well find some sort of excuse to stick around until she finished, especially given how the rest of the party were reluctant to leave because of grief and the fact that the Tiny Bronco needed fixing for flight), we could also assume she's staying behind to "pray" as in "to learn to control the Lifestream better" - something that's clearly established in the Temple of the Ancients that she needs guidance in, and gets it from the Lifestream itself. Finally, this Aerith has a working White Materia, which seems to have some connection with her future memories... if not downright with a "post-OG Aerith" who already exists in the Lifestream, just like we suspect there is a "post-OG/AC Sephiroth" who's pulling Cloud's strings.

Some explanations seem more farfetched than others, I'll give you that, but there can be reasons found for why she stays behind even if she isn't, in fact, dead.

And with that, I believe I said everything I had to say on this particular subject. I hope you enjoyed reading :)

[borom1r]

@theshakespearetrash SENT ME MORE ASKS ILYYYYYY TYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!! this round is abt remake!John Ryder + my OC Kenneth >:3

(ask meme)

PRE-RELATIONSHIP

2– What was their first impression of each other?

Kenneth thought John was the hottest person he’d ever seen in his life. John thought Ken was a freak weirdo with issues (correct)

6– If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?

Ken would’ve believed you. John would’ve scoffed

7– What would their lives be like if they had never met?

HM. Ken probably would’ve died in a car crash and/or some other insane snuff scenario. he was looking to get hurt when he picked up John.

John would’ve died a red smear on a New Mexico highway thanks to the butt of Grace’s shotgun.

GENERAL

2– Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like?

sort of???? Ken counts their first night together as their first date, since “date nights” generally involve murder or seedy motel room roleplays lmao.

so not. SUPER official, but Ken picked up John, got turned on when John threatened him with a knife which John really wasn’t expecting. Ken drove them both to a motel room + the rest is history!

3– What was their first kiss like?

VERY UN-ROMANTIC. John bit the shit out of Ken’s bottom lip. (un)fortunately for everyone involved, Ken found that extremely hot.

4– Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?

uh yeah actually. mutually each other’s first Serious Committed Relationship. freak2freak communication.

5– What’s their height difference? Age difference?

Ken’s the same height as John (they r both 5’10) + John is 20 yrs older (48 to Ken’s 28)

6– What’s their relationship with each other’s families? Do they share a friend group?

NONEXISTENT + NONEXISTENT. They both cut ties w/ their family + Ken’s vibes are generally Strange and Offputting. has a couple work friends from the derby track. John has no friends.

7– Who takes the lead in social situations?

Positive social situations? Ken. Murders and/or fights? John

8– Who gets jealous easier?

JOHN. does not help that Ken likes to make him jealous

9– Who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear?

they mutually tease each other lol. this is bad if they’re in public bc it generally ends w/ some fucker getting killed on the side of a highway

LOVE

2– What are their primary love languages?

both touch, actually

3– Who uses cheesy pick-up lines?

KEN lol

4– How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?

PDA? rare to never. cuddling? John has accepted it as an inevitability that Ken is gonna wind up w/ his head in John’s lap At Some Point if they’re home watching TV/relaxing

5– Who initiates kisses?

casual kisses, Ken. John gets bitey if they’re fucking + Ken’s just along for the ride, there

6– Who’s the big and little spoon?

they don’t normally spoon bc John finds it stifling, but if he’s having a bad day then Ken will big spoon

7– What are their favorite things to do together?

murder ppl??? modify cars??? have sex near crime scenes??? plot their mutual demise??? idk man they’re terrible people

8– Who’s better at comforting the other?

Ken’s better at comforting John

9– Who’s more protective?

KEN. Ken as a rule does not murder people (he just likes watching), but if there’s a risk of John getting hurt? he’ll tear the fucking world apart. especially after hauling John’s battered, BRAIN-DAMAGED body off the highway. he MAKES John wear a seatbelt now lmao

10– Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

Physical for both. John’s terrible at verbal affection anyways lol

11– What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?

LMFAO. CRASH BY GWEN STEFANI /hj

real answer is How We Operate by Gomez for obvious reasons, + I also really like Satan is My Motor by CAKE for them

12– What kind of nicknames do they call each other?

they don’t. Ken might call John “babe” once in a blue fucking moon but that’s it. John calls Ken “freak”

13– Who remembers the little things?

Kennnnnn but John gets a pass he had a traumatic brain injury

DOMESTIC LIFE

6– Who worries the most?

KEN. he doesn’t express it well but he worries sooooo much abt John + them potentially being tracked down. constantly updating escape plans

7– Who kills the bugs in the house?

both of them lol they don’t care abt bugs

8– How do they celebrate holidays?

Ken drags John kicking + screaming into a Festive Mood. it was a fucking fistfight getting John to celebrate his own birthday nevermind like. actual holidays. Ken is 100% the kind of person to just hang a plant in the door to the trailer so he has an excuse to kiss John (it’s definitely not mistletoe but stfu it still counts)

9– Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?

also mutual actually. John doesn’t generally have anywhere to be until dark + Ken loves any excuse to Lay On John lol

10– Who’s the better cook?

John if he tried. he does not try. Ken can cook the basics. they get takeout most of the time

[m34gs]

Saw AU ask time! While the housewardens + their house members are good they aren't always perfect. Share one (1) time each individual house had a minor mess up/mistake during any part of the trap process.

Oooooh! I am so excited to answer this!!! I spend so much time when writing the traps trying to have them figured out exactly, but you're right, our boys can't always be perfect...lol! I am so excited to think about what mistakes they might make.

Heartslaybul:

One time they sent Ace and Deuce together to collect and bring the victim to the trap. The two got in an argument on the way and almost missed their window of opportunity to kidnap the victim. Luckily, Riddle is the type to try and allot a little spare time in case anything unexpected comes up. Unluckily, Ace and Deuce used up all that spare time and then had a Very Tight schedule for the rest of the night. After that, Riddle never sent the two of them together, only one or the other, and a clone of Cater's.

Savanaclaw:

Ruggie and Leona get their cover stories mixed up one time when Yuu is hanging out with them and asks what they did the evening before. Not as in they give each other's cover stories, but as in Leona says he "was busy with work" and Ruggie says they "were at the casino all night". It's the slightest slip-up, and Yuu was easily satisfied by Leona replying that what Ruggie meant was they were working at the casino. He also decides to play on His Herbivore's sympathetic heart and says it was a long night, especially for Ruggie, and that Ruggie is really exhausted after doing so much that it's better to forget about work and just focus on relaxing and having fun. After this, they spend time going over cover stories before they start any traps.

Octavinelle:

Allowing Floyd to do reconnaissance on the victim alone. It happened once, for one day. Azul thought he could trust Floyd with it, had impressed upon Floyd the necessity of it and the importance... And Azul miscalculated. At the end of the day, he had minimal information on the actual victim, but a surplus of information on Other Things Floyd found that were More Interesting (sport shoes, yummy foods, and stuff that reminded him of Shrimpy, among other things). The next day, Jade was on surveillance duty with Floyd.

Scarabia:

Jamil gets so caught up in the details at times that he can't see the forest for the trees. He had everything set up and ready to go, down to the most perfect detail...but almost forgot to kidnap the victim. Kalim inadvertently reminded him with an off-hand remark asking if he had had enough time to move the victim into the trap or not (I like to think this happened during a busy time for them and Jamil was trying to multitask his duties and his saw trap).

Pomefiore:

So, like, think "Emperor's New Groove" with the potion bottles scene sort of thing. Epel is helping make the poison and its antidote for a trap with Vil and mixes up which bottle is which because they don't have labels. Unfortunately, this would render the trap ineffective to its purpose. Luckily, he realizes he's made a mistake as soon as it happens. Unluckily, he now has to report it to Vil and they have to remake the poison and the antidote (after a Very Long scolding about Lab Safety and Rules). After that, Vil decides if they're using potions they will only make one at a time and everything is carefully (and gracefully) labelled immediately after being created.

Ignihyde:

Idia drops his phone at the crime scene when collecting the puzzle piece from the skin of the corpse. Don't worry, he realizes right away and races back there in record time to retrieve it...and clean the area of any traces of his DNA. He doesn't leave a trace of *himself* behind, but there is one specific area that is *suspiciously* clean when the law enforcement arrives, compared to the rest of the trap. It's a bit ironic, that by wiping away any possible trace of himself where the phone dropped he only drew more suspicion...however since it was so clean there was nothing to go on and no evidence to be used to figure out it was him.

Diasomnia:

Once, while testing a mechanic of the trap, the lock on the door was not properly installed and so it wouldn't let Silver out even though he met the "requirements" (at that time, nothing more than putting a specific weight on the scale). They were trialing a magic-cancelling room instead of just magic-cancelling anklets, so no one could teleport in. Lilia panicked and blew the door apart with a spell. They had to reorder and rebuild all the parts for the door. This is part of what sends him into a spiral whenever Silver tests the traps. Despite the fact that nothing bad happened to Silver, and that this is the entire reason that they are on stand-by while trap testing occurs, he cannot reconcile it in his mind and he can't stop from worrying that the trap will malfunction again.

This was a lot of fun to answer! I hope you enjoyed my thoughts and ideas! I would love to hear your opinions on them as well!!!!

[wingedclouds]

FF 7 Rebirth Theory

Major spoilers for the end of Rebirth, if you haven't played that far yet and want to avoid spoilers, don't read this.

I'd also like to ask people who reblog this to keep the tags spoiler free so no one gets accidentally spoiled.

This is just how I see things, it doesn't mean I think it's a fact, please take it with a grain of salt.

Before I can start the actual theory I need to lay the groundwork so bear with me for a little while.

"When the boundaries of fate are breached, new worlds are born."

That's what Sephiroth tells Cloud when they're viewing events from Remake as well as other worlds in Rebirth.

The boundaries of fate are everything related to how the OG timeline would play out. Aerith dies, Sephiroth gets the Black Materia and summons Meteor. You know the gist.

I strongly believe that Sephiroth came from the Post Advent Children timeline and that Aerith got memories from her future self bestowed upon her once future Aerith noticed that Sephiroth was up to something.

They're both already breaching the boundaries simply by existing like this and doing everything they can in getting the other to stop whatever they're doing.

We know the Whispers have been taking memories from Aerith whenever she touched them. I would wager the guess that they started with future events in order to keep fate in place.

We also know that Sephiroth wants to defy fate, preferably with Cloud at his side.

Sephiroth goes on to explain to Cloud that when worlds die, they return to the planet.

He clearly seems to have an interest in the Lifestream and I assume that is not because he wants to ride around the cosmos.

Sephiroth had the real Black Materia in his hands several times and probably still has it in his possession. [I have another theory lined up about the ending scene too that touches up on this]

Yet he didn't cast Meteor, which is something the OG Sephiroth would have done. So he clearly has a different plan in store this time around.

Now onto the real theory: Aerith's death scene has three outcomes.

When Cloud aims to prevent Sephiroth from stabbing Aerith as he comes down from above, a spark of light with rainbows can be seen. As we already know, this rainbow light thing indicates that something has happened in regards to fate.

Cloud has effectively created a new world where Aerith doesn't die. At least not in the way we would think she'd die.

Sephiroth knew this would happen because the man had been putting that inside Cloud's head since the end of Remake. Most likely because he actually wanted this to happen because it meant one more world that would eventually return to the planet.

The next scene is blood suddenly pooling on the ground and when Sephiroth pulls Masamune out of Aerith, you can once again see the rainbow light in the background.

So this makes outcome number two as well as another world for Sephiroth.

While this scene was confusing at first, what we see in the end is the back and forth switching between the two worlds.

Now comes the third outcome that might be a bit far fetched, especially because the rainbow light never left the scene.

Sephiroth kills Cloud and Aerith.

The only reason I can imagine him doing this is because it adds another world to the Lifestream.

After Sephiroth kills them the static sound can be heard and while I usually view that as an indicator that Cloud is hallucinating or remembering things wrong, I don't think it's the case in this scene.

Especially because the sound continues while it switches between the two worlds so I do think it's possible that Sephiroth did that for the sake of creating another world.

Because Aerith is dead so it adheres to the OG timeline. But Cloud isn't meant to die there, we don't know when and how Cloud dies but it certainly isn't while holding Aerith's dead body in his arms.

So it would once again breach the boundaries of fate and since Sephiroth knows this I honestly wouldn't put it past him to do it.

The only question I'm asking myself is: Why does Sephiroth do this?

I'm not even questioning why he tells Cloud that. It's just a little bit of bait dangling over Cloud's head. A vain hope that there is a way to save Aerith and that events can indeed be altered.

Which obviously plays right into Sephiroth's hands because he wants this to happen. He really is sneaky with his manipulation.

As for why Sephiroth is doing that world creating stuff? I have multiple theories but none are really fleshed out because I honestly feel like we don't know his motives.

He could be trying to not die again at Cloud's hands like he does in the OG. Or he wants to make the Lifestream strong again so when it erupts to stop Meteor, there's more that he can poison. Maybe he's feeling a bit funny and wants to mess around to see what happens.

I don't really see a motive behind his actions yet other that he probably wants things to play out differently.

[positivexcellence]

Jared Padalecki Teases a Dark Future for the ‘Walker’ Boys: ‘It Gets Real Bad’

Damn, son. Even when you are basically sitting in a cell in captivity, Walker has it harder than the rest of us!

Jared Padalecki: I know, I know! What in the world? Who thought this was a good idea?! [Laughs]

How was it filming those scenes? Because for the most part, it’s just you and Gen…and this is not glamorous at all.

It is not glamorous. And it also wasn’t super comfortable. In the clothes I was wearing, since I’m in shorts and my running gear, you can’t put any pads on. So if you’re banging around on the ground or into the cell bars, it’s just you. And I’m getting old. I’m 40 now, so now everything hurts a little bit more for a little bit longer. [Laughs]

Yeah, you might want to quit with the running and maybe just get yourself an elliptical.

[Laughs] I think you’re right. Yeah. I’m actually going to borrow your suggestions there. I promise. I’ll send the receipt to prove it.

Now, it’s interesting the way we kind of see what your captors want out of you and this interrogation situation seems very Black-Ops.

Yeah. We find out, needless to say, that Walker has a target on him…always will and always does. You know, he’s the Ranger that makes the news. And if you were to purely just look at his file, you might think like, “Hey, he doesn’t really play by the rules. Maybe he’s anti ‘the rules,’ as well!” Even though viewers and the Walker family know that that’s just kinda who Walker is: He very much believes in what he’s doing for a living. So yeah a lot of Black-Ops stuff that we continue to find out more about as the season progresses.

So they really are looking to radicalize you in some way?

That’s what they state their goal is. They’re claiming to want something, but in true Black-Ops form, I think we might be concerned that they actually want something else and they’re just going about it in kind of a novel way. They certainly figure that Walker has done training to deal with stuff like this if the situation ever arises and so, they’re playing chess. They certainly would love to break Walker and remake him in their likeness. But if they’re unable to, then they have options, B, C, D, E, so on and so forth.

And if Option B is bringing in Liam, one can only imagine what is after that.

Correct. That’s where it really changes things. I think Walker assumes once he’s been kidnapped that you know, it’s gonna be all-hands to find him and find why he’s missing. And you know, he very much believes in his partner and teammates, that they’ll get him, He’s obviously concerned about missing his daughter’s graduation and not being there for the family and missing these big moments that he’s committed to ever since he came back from being undercover, but he knows that he’s tough and has got thick skin and can get through this. It’s when they kidnap his brother, who certainly has not had the training to deal with that kind of stuff, that’s when everything changes.

How bad does it get for the two of you? Because I’m assuming that they want you to see Liam being tortured.

Oh, it gets, it gets real bad. It gets to the point where Walker knows he has to do something and obviously he doesn’t have a lot at his disposal. He’s caged up and unable to really move around. He doesn’t have any weapons. And they always bring in multiple guys to make sure that they’re compliant, right? It gets so bad that Walker knows he’s got to do something.

They’ve been playing with a lot about the white hat theme. It’s a big part of the marketing art and we see one in this episode…so are we gonna see Walker being forced into “black hat” territory? Having to do some illegal stuff to keep the rest of his family safe going forward?

Yeah. Going forward, he’s having to toe that line that we love playing with in the writer’s room and as producers. That space where he doesn’t want to break the law outright and obviously he’s got a lot of eyes on him right now, not just with [his kidnappers] but within the Texas Rangers organization as well. And so he’s going to have to do a lot of soul searching and find out just how far he’s willing to go without compromising the people he cares about, while also not compromising his job.

I’m loving the fact that Emily is now like his true north that comes to him in times of need.

Yeah. She was always his rock. And so to some extent, he’s kind of been a ship at sea without a sail ever since he lost her. And so in these especially desperate times, I think if Walker could summon her whenever he wanted, then she’d be there the entire time. [Laughs] But she shows up in times when he really, really needs her, when he needs the person he loves and respects the most to bounce ideas off. Emily is to Cordi as Gen is to me.

And how was it getting to those super emotional scenes together again? Saying “Don’t leave me” to the woman you would say the same thing to in real life?

You know what’s funny is that line specifically was not scripted, but it’s what Sam says to Dean in the Supernatural series finale. The exact same words. So I was like, “Hey, I wanna do something here.”

Amazing. And so while you’re locked up in hellacious conditions, everyone else is at the Walker Ranch, getting to play with each other in these big brightly lit scenes. Did you miss getting to be with the rest of your cast?

Yeah! It’s like, they’re having fun, don’t mind me! I’m still over here getting tortured and y’all go joke around on set and have on-stage air conditioning. I’ll just be over here getting the waterboarded. [Laughs] They knew that Walker was not gonna miss Stella’s graduation, come hell or high water. So if he’s not there, something bad has happened.

I also need to point out that fantastic scene between Augie (Kale Culley) and Stella (Violet Brinson) that so mirrors the Walker-Liam relationship.

Oh, it’s brilliant. And we play with that a lot throughout the rest of the season. And it’s really funny because Kale, you know, he’s 17, he’s gonna be 18 in May, and is very much going through what Augie is going through. And so our writers are amazing at understanding who each person is, not just as [a] character, but as a human. And so Kale is gonna be an adult in a couple of months and he’s going through this little bit of “What do I do? What’s the best way?” as, you know, we all do. And that doesn’t just stop at 18. I’m 40 and I’m still trying to figure it all out. [Laughs]

I’m ready for like Trey (Jeff Pierre), Cordi, and Cassie (Ashley Reyes) to start working together on cases.

I know, right?!

There is such potential for a Three Musketeers situation with Captain James (Coby Bell) above all of you and in on it.

Well, well, not to say too much, but I think you might get what you want.

Sweet. Now…for Cordi’s flashbacks, we’re going to see somebody else playing you in the younger military version, right?

Yep. It’s awesome. We have a surprise in store that was a fun…I don’t know what they call it. A casting process, a fun thought exercise? It’s gonna be a great Easter egg but also, it was fun before we even got into casting to go like, “What to do?” You know, I’ve worked with hundreds or thousands of actors on Gilmore Girls, Supernatural, and Walker. And so I was like, “Okay, well who do we know? Who do I trust? And who can pull it off?” And so we have an awesome Easter egg in store.

tvinsider

[writefightandflightclub]

I really enjoyed your Nathan fluff 🥺 we love this angry peach fuzz king 👑💖 would you ever write him being comforted after having a nightmare? 💕

First of all, LOL @ “angry peach fuzz king” 🤣🤣🤣

Second of all, here you go! 🧡 I will warn you - I think I forgot the fluff a little bit though. It became more hurt / comfort? More angst than expected? It ends nicely though and comfort is given to Nathan - but only after I’ve subjected him to rattling around in his own head and house for a bit.

Through the looking glass (Nathan Bateman x GN!reader)

Summary: Nathan has nightmares after The Incident. After so long alone, he doesn’t realise how badly he needs a little comfort - and maybe he doesn’t believe that he deserves it.

Author’s note: hopefully this isn’t too similar to All Better. I know they both take place post-stabbing, but I tried to give this a different focus. I know I could have made the nightmares based off of anything given the ask, but this timeline / focus seemed most sensible to explore the character.

Warnings: nightmares following traumatic incident (a stabbing); mentions of blood and injury - not graphic. Self-harm (punching the bag until injury); Body horror if you squint (some gruesome descriptions occurring in-dream, but fairly abstract); swearing; implied alcoholism recovery if you squint; mentions of therapy; Nathan mildly injured in fic; reader offering comfort.

Rating: MATURE for themes mentioned above.

GIF: by @santiagogarcia (this whole gifset is magic- check it out + reblog!)

Nathan wakes up breathless, plastered to the covers by a sheen of sweat - and not in a good way. On instinct, or out of habit by now, or maybe somewhere between the two, his palm slides over his body to the site of the wound.

He is so slick that he half-believes he is soaked with dank, deep blood again, until his fingers trace over nothing more than a half-concave, half-ridged scar. The lack of searing pain is the next point of evidence leading him towards an alternative conclusion. He’s not dying (again).

It’s just another gruesome nightmare.

Although… there is nothing “just” about it.

The nightmares are pretty brutal. Brutal enough for him to wake with ragged breaths and a hammering heart, his sheets dampened and coiled up around him. Enough that it takes effort to sift through the layers of terror and distinguish reality.

With what can only be described as a whimper, Nathan swings his legs over the edge of the bed, bringing himself into a seated position and bracing his head in his hands until his racing heart levels.

In his mind, he’s telling himself to be logical about this. That Ava hasn’t truly arrived to finish the job she started; but logic is not the safe haven it used to be.

She could come back.

She’s still out there, somewhere, and Nathan distinctly got the impression, last time, that she was vehemently not a fan of him.

His hand trembling, Nathan reaches for the glass of water by his bedside, glugging it down so eagerly it spills into his bushy beard.

Since the… accident? Malfunction? Functioning just fine, actually? Failed experiment? Greatest achievement known to man? Attempted murder? (Truth be told, Nathan isn’t quite sure what to call it, so he simply calls it The Incident.)

Since The Incident, Ava has begun to regularly visit him in his sleep.

The visitations are not waning with time. In fact, they are happening more often, not less. They are happening more since you moved into the house.

It’s a bad fucking time to have quit drinking.

You’d been sent by the board. Something about Nathan taking “tortured genius” a slice too literally. Something about him being in isolation too long and needing another human around in the compound.

Well, that’s not technically true, is it? The shit all started when he opted to get social, after all.

Fucking Caleb.

Before that, he was doing just fine.

Nathan doesn’t like it at all - having you here. Being watched. Observed. Having someone monitoring his actions. Waiting for him to either fuck up or prove himself.

Ironic really, considering where he kept Ava. The experiments he ran on her.

She’d probably find it poetic, if she could truly understand such a concept.

At the thought of her, Nathan physically shudders, and reaches for an old vest to haphazardly mop the excess sweat from his skin. Then, he balls up a change of clothes and tracks nude to his wet room, feeling relief as the luke warm water sluices over his skin.

He watches himself in the mirror as he stands there naked. It’s not a vanity thing - at least not any longer. These days, he examines the way his form has changed since it happened. He lost some of his muscle and bulk during recovery, whilst unable to exercise, his arms slightly smaller and his abs softer. His stomach a little more rounded.

There’s also the puckered scar, of course - that permanent reminder of where he was skewered through the chest like a piece of kebab meat.

His gaze travels up over his body, until his eyes settle on his still haunted face. He doesn’t have his glasses on, and somewhere between the blurred vision, misted mirror, clouding steam and sluicing water, his reflected face distorts. It transforms - for the briefest of moments - into her.

Still amped with adrenalin from his harsh awakening, this briefest flash sends a surge of panic zipping through Nathan’s chest, his heartbeat racing so hard he can feel the pounding of blood in his ears.

Fuck, he curses, reaching his arms out to brace himself against the shower wall above him, his body trembling and his head dipping down between the cradle of his broad shoulders as his legs threaten to buckle.

He turns the water cold, until it is practically glacial and thundering on to the back of his neck, subduing this spiking heat.

She really did a fucking number on me, didn’t she?

It’s true though.

Ava is haunting him. When he sleeps - and at other times too.

Nathan didn’t know robots could do that. Didn’t know they could spawn ghosts.

Nathan doesn’t believe in ghosts, of course… but he does believe in trauma and its effect on the brain. He at least concedes that it is natural to continue to feel afraid; but this?

Being dogged by the spectre of her taps into Nathan’s deepest insecurities.

After all, there is nothing a genius fears more than doubting his own mind.

Nothing a God fears more than his own mortality.

And the man? Turns out, there is nothing he fears more now, than dying alone.

With a ragged breath, Nathan towels off and pulls on his grey sweatpants, tugging on his black zip-up hoody over his bare chest. And then, keen not to return to his damp, tangled sheets, he tracks towards the kitchen - mainly for want of any more favourable option.

Of course, he had returned to the compound after The Incident. Something about that many fibre optic cables being a bitch to lay down. Sunk cost fallacy and all that - too much already invested.

But it possibly wasn’t the best choice for his recovery.

Nathan has certainly gotten more used to walking down that hallway since he returned from the hospital, and yet he still finds himself holding his breath until he is free of it. Still finds his pace is just a little faster as he passes through. His gaze deliberately averted from that spot.

Once, you’d found him lying in it.

Lying in that exact spot, his body arranged like a crime scene photo, his eyes closed.

Hey, it’s hardly his least healthy coping mechanism, is it?

What in the fuck are you doing, Nathan?

Re-enacting my death, obviously.

Uh-Kay…. A beat. A devious smile. Shall I get some popcorn?

Absurd as it was, he had laughed. Laughed for the first time since it happened, and, with an extended hand, you had helped him up off the floor.

Still, now that he’s alone, he does not dwell in the corridor, colder and darker as it is without your light in it, and he tries not to think about your face or hers as he pads to the kitchen.

When he arrives though, he bypasses it entirely - heading out on to the decking, the crisp night air soothing his hot skin.

He wants to be outside.

There are too many ghosts in his house now.

He has tried to shake it. Tried to desensitise himself to Ava’s face. Spent longer than strictly necessary poring over footage of her.

He built her. Shouldn’t that take the fear out of things? Not to mention the fact Ava’s face was simply a composite of some manipulable nerd’s wank bank browsing history.

Fucking Caleb.

Still, once Nathan had looked her in the eyes and seen a rage that was all too human, things seemed a hell of a lot different.

Nathan crosses to the punchbag on the deck -lit by creeping dawn- on instinct, or out of habit, or maybe some combination of the two, his unease riling him enough to sock some punches at its midsection. Right at the equivalent site of his corporeal puncture.

He punches so hard that the skin on his knuckle splits, but Nathan doesn’t stop. He throws punch after punch until his hands are scathed and bloodied, and a trail of spit hanging from the corner of his mouth. Until he hugs the bag - the closest thing he has to a warm body to hold - and slides down it, coming limply to his knees, wiping his face on his sleeve.

He stays there, dead eyed and still for some time, the pain in his hands raw and singing. Unpleasant, but better. Better than what he was feeling, and worse all at once.

He considers his tired, cumbersome body, and contemplates remaking the world one more time. Uploading his mind into a machine or some shit, so that he doesn’t have to contend with the fragility and failings of his own existence.

He stays there, until some motion in the interior of the compound causes the light and shadows to dance differently over him, and he looks up to see your figure there, cast in a soft halo of yellowed light.

He tips his head up slightly, opening his mouth as though he might cry out to you for help, but no sound comes out - only a thin, dry croak.

So, instead, Nathan watches you for a moment, moving seamlessly around his kitchen as though it is your own. Maybe it is - more yours than his now.

Observing you like this, through the tall, cinematic windows, it is as though he peers in on another world entirely. Something less resembling a nightmare.

Lighter than that. Something more like a good dream, albeit a good dream that Nathan cannot be part of. One he can only ever watch, from the outside looking in, always fated as he is to be on the other side of the glass.

Truth be told, you haunt him too. You represent everything he could have and yet doesn’t deserve.

You appear in his nightmares and his dreams, in various terrifying and beautiful incarnations. Many variations of which his therapist would have a field day with, he’s sure - or, she would, if he’d ever fucking call her.

When you first arrived here, he was plagued by grotesque visions of you. Grotesque visions of the skin being peeled back from your body. Sometimes, circuitry beneath, and other times, muscle and bone. Sometimes, Ava’s face was buried beneath the chilling slip of your fleshy mask.

Sometimes it is a better dream. Sometimes you save him. Sometimes he saves you.

Sometimes it is a good dream. Ava isn’t there at all. But the good dreams never seem to last for long. 

Sometimes you kill him, and sometimes...

The glass door slides open.

“Reenacting your own death again, are you?” you tease, though not unkindly, interrupting the spiral of Nathan’s incessant thoughts.

A lump forming instantly in his throat, Nathan swallows thickly, and looks up at you helplessly with a thin, joyless smile. He snorts as though it’s funny, but it really isn’t. “Over and fucking over.” 

You nod once, and, without hesitation, you extend your hand towards him. Your gaze cuts through him as you search his face and he feels suddenly see-through, as if he’s about to be hit with some Shyamalan-esque twist. Was he the ghost all along? Did he die here after all?

If so, is this purgatory because Ava is here too, or heaven, because you are?

Christ. So fucking schmaltzy, Bateman.

After hesitating, Nathan takes your hand and you yank him to his feet, drawing him inside, through the looking glass.

The room seems warm on the other side. It feels… safe.

“What happened?” you ask, as you look down at your joined hands, your thumb painting a smear of red across his split knuckles. 

You mean now. What happened now, but Nathan’s mind harks back further than that. In his mind, everything is connected. Every thing threaded to another. This one smear of blood to that weeping flower of red.

The thought -the thoughts, all of them- halt him in place, his feet firmly planting on the ground. Nathan’s hand clenches tightly around yours as though it is a lifeline, as he is cast adrift on this familiar crimson tide, his face growing increasingly angular and stern.

“She...” He swallows, unable to complete that precise thought, his eyes dropping down to his feet.

You turn your body towards Nathan as he croaks, still not letting go.

Your eyes flitting around his face, attempting to search his eyes, you tentatively step closer, sliding your palms slowly over his tense shoulders, feeling them rise with an uneven, stuttered breath as you do so.

He’s so tired. He’s so very, very tired.

And it happens all at once on the exhale.

Suddenly, your arms are tugging him closer, and his face is contorting as a violent smattering of tears beads in his long lashes. You are encasing his body in your embrace and rubbing circles into his back as his buzzed head sags all too willingly toward the junction of your shoulder, your fingers splaying along the smooth flesh at the nape of his neck and pads dancing over the gentle prickle of his hair. You are shushing and soothing and reassuring and squeezing and smoothing and cradling and Nathan can feel it. Can feel his heart race in his chest and…

Finally.

Finally, his heart is not pounding because he is reliving his death.

It is pounding because he feels alive again.

When was the last time he cried, even? The last time someone really hugged him? He doesn’t remember the last time. The serendipitous combination of Nathan willing to be vulnerable, and another being willing to hold space for his pain is an all too rare thing.

There’s a reason -or several - he’s so emotionally constipated, after all.

Fuck. I’m taking a huge emotional shit right now.

Nathan remains in the welcome circumference of your arms longer than is strictly necessary - until the tear trails over the bridge of his nose begin to feel cloying. Until his breaths steady, and until his thoughts and ego creep back in. Until he notices the way his hands are clasped at your waist like claws, fingers sinking into your softness, and he thinks to release you.

Then, he leans away, a weight on his brow making his expression stern.

He waits for you to judge him, another swallow trailing thickly down his throat.

However, your eyes are kind and level, dancing with soft concern. Not with judgement or satisfaction or pity, or with anything he fears.

It is refreshing not to feel so afraid.

Finally.

“She…” Nathan begins again, finally finding courage. All at once his eyebrows shoot up towards his hairline. “She fucking stabbed me.”

You take his words in. You listen.

His “reveal” is simple. Plain and factual. A little indignant. Kinda salty. It’s not overly emotional, or articulate.

But it is enough.

Your eyes narrow, and you nod slowly, trying to understand the true meaning beneath his words.

You even reach up to cup Nathan’s face, his springy beard a cushion beneath your gentle palm as you hold him. “Yeah, genius,” you tease, with a tentative, lopsided smile, dropping your arm all too suddenly, perhaps as you catch yourself. “I got that from context.”

In response, Nathan chucks air from between his teeth, bringing his hand up to comb through his beard - perhaps to obscure his involuntary smile, or perhaps chasing your tender touch, the impression of it left warm on his cheek.

As he brings his hand up, your brows draw together, and you hook his bloodied paw delicately in yours, examining the wound, and leading him gingerly across to the couch as though his whole being might be hurting along with it.

It is.

You order him to stay put while you fetch the first aid kit, and then, in stages, Nathan watches you with fascination as you painstakingly clean and tend to his wounds, without ever being asked to.

He watches you carefully swipe the angry red away from his skin, and, to his overactive mind, it’s all connected. This red is one and the same with the flower of blooming red from The Incident.

Ava hurt him then, and she is hurting him now too.

And you…

“Going to tell the board about this?” Nathan asks, his voice weak and scuffed.

You search his eyes, holding your words back for a moment before answering. Then, you launch them on a big breath. “Fuck the board, Nathan. I told those assholes to stick it.”

Nathan blinks in confusion, shaking his head, his hand flourishing emphatically through the air. “Then… what the fuck are you still doing in my house?”

“Well. I’m… here for you,” you admit, sucking in air through your teeth, your voice shrinking. “If you want that.”

Well, that’s news to him.

Welcome news, perhaps?

You’re not watching him at all, are you? Not observing. Not asking him to evidence his humanity. Not waiting to see whether he fucks up or proves himself.

Instead, you’re seeing him. You’re seeing him and you’re not running.

Nathan had begun to think that maybe he was the nightmare. He’d begun to think he might always be haunted.

Always alone. That he might die that way; again.

And now, here you are.

Nathan thinks about that. He could so easily revert to his old ways, in this moment. Of pride and ego and stubborn independence.

But, perhaps those assholes from the board got a few things right - he’ll admit.

Maybe he had been in isolation too long. Maybe he didn’t need to take “tortured genius” quite so literally.

And so, Nathan almost protests. Almost rejects your presence and your comfort and pushes you away. But the truth is, he’s just so… tired. He’s had so many nightmares, and this time, he’d like to be on the other side of the glass. He’d like to step into that dream.

Nathan takes a deep breath, and releases on the exhale. Releases more than air.

He slowly, ever so slowly, shifts towards you on the couch, angling his body until he can safely dip his head towards your lap, his nose pointed in towards your abdomen and his knees curling around you.

“Th.. this okay?” he asks weakly.

You throw your splayed hands up into the air in surprise as the weight of Nathan settles there, but as he curls his arms around your middle and shuffles closer, you ease into it. You snake your fingers in intricate caresses over his head and neck and shoulders.

“Yeah, Nathan. This is okay,” you soothe gently, voice taut with emotion.

You comfort him.

And finally, Nathan does not need to peel your skin back to know what’s underneath.

He knows you’re not a robot, and that, as your kind touch finds him corporeal, that he is not a ghost.

He closes his eyes. And this time, when he next wakes, he knows that whether the dream is bad or better or good, it doesn’t matter. Because you will be there with him.

He wants you with him.

It’s not at all natural to him, to have you around. For the longest time, he didn’t like it. It didn’t come instinctually, and he has formed no familiar habits.

It isn’t easy - he doesn’t make it easy.

But he wants it to be.

And, in your arms, he can finally dream that it will all work out. What’s more; he can dream he deserves it, too.

[bewitching-elizabeth-olsen]

Press/Gallery: How Elizabeth Olsen Brought Marvel From Mainstream to Prestige

“The thing I love about being an actor is to fully work with someone and try so hard to be at every level with them, chasing whatever it is you need or want from them.”

  GALLERY LINKS

Studio Photoshoots > 2021 > Session 008 Magazine Scans > 2021 > Backstage (August 19)

Backstage: Elizabeth Olsen grins widely over video chat when recalling many such moments on set with her co-stars. Yet, she can’t bring herself to divorce such a lofty vision of film acting from the technical multitasking it requires. The camera sees all.

“But then you move your hair, and you’re in your brain, like: OK, remember that! Because I don’t want to edit myself out of a shot. I know some actors are like, ‘Continuity, shmontinuity!’ But the good thing about continuity is, if you remember it, you’re actually providing yourself with more options for the edit.”

That need to balance being both inside the scene and outside of it, fully living it and yet constantly visualizing it on a screen, feels particularly apt in light of Olsen’s most recent project, “WandaVision.”

The mysteries at the heart of the show grow with every episode, each fast-forwarding to a different decade: Could this 1950s, black-and-white, “filmed in front of a studio audience” newlyweds bit be a grief-stricken dream? Might this ’70s spoof be a powerful spell gone awry? Could this meta take on mockumentary comedies be proof that the multiverse is finally coming to the Marvel Cinematic Universe?

The series’ structure, which branches out to include government agents intent on finding out why Westview has seemingly disappeared, calls for the entire cast to play with a mix of genres, balancing a shape-shifting tone that culminates in an epic, MCU-style conclusion. What’s key—and why the show struck a chord with audiences during its nine-episode run—is the miniseries’ commitment to grounding its initial kooky setups and its later special effects-driven spectacle in heartbreaking emotional truths. It’s no small feat, though it’s one that can often be taken for granted.

“I was thinking how hard it would have been to have shot the first ‘Lord of the Rings,’ ” Olsen muses. “Like, you’re putting all these actors [into the frame] later and at all these different levels. All the eyelines are completely unnatural. And yet the performances are fantastic! And technically, they are so hard. People forget sometimes that these things are really technically hard to shoot. And if you are moved by their performance, that took a lot of multitasking.”

As someone who has learned plenty about harnesses, wirework, fight choreography, and green screens (she’s starred in four Marvel movies, including the box office megahit “Avengers: Endgame,” after all), Olsen knows how hard it can be to wrap one’s brain around the work needed to pull off those big, splashy scenes.

“​​If you think about it, it’s, like, the biggest stakes in the entire world—every time. And that feels silly to act over and over again, especially when people are in silly costumes and the love of your life is purple and sparkly, and every time you kiss them, you have to worry about getting it on your hands. Those things are ridiculous. You feel ridiculous. So there is a part of your brain that has to shovel that away and just look into someone’s eyeballs—and sometimes, they don’t even have eyeballs!”

The ability to spend so much time with Wanda, albeit in the guise of sitcom parodies, was a welcome opportunity for Olsen. Not only did it allow the actor to really wrestle with the traumatic backstory that has long defined the character in the MCU, but having the chance to calibrate a performance that functions on so many different levels was a thrilling challenge.

“It was such an amazing work experience,” she says. “Kathryn [Hahn] uses the word ‘profound’—which is so sweet, because it is Marvel, and people, you know, don’t think of those experiences as profound when they watch them. But it really was such a special crew that [director] Matt Shakman and [creator] Jac Schaeffer created. It was a really healthy working environment.”

Related‘WandaVision’ Star Kathryn Hahn’s Secret to Building a Scene-Stealing Performance ‘WandaVision’ Star Kathryn Hahn’s Secret to Building a Scene-Stealing Performance Considering that the miniseries spans several sitcom iterations, various layers of televisual reality, and a number of character reveals that needed to feel truthful and impactful in equal measure, Shakman’s decision to work closely with his actors ahead of shooting was key.

“We truly had a gorgeous amount of time together before we started filming,” Olsen remembers. “Our goal was—which is controversial in TV land—that if you wanted to change [anything], like dialogue in a scene, you had to give those notes a week before we even got there. Because sometimes you get to set, and someone had a brilliant idea while they were sleeping, and you’re like, ‘We don’t have an hour to talk about this. We have seven pages to shoot.’ And so, we were all on the same page with one another, knowing what we were shooting ahead of time.

“Matt just treated us like a troupe of actors who were about to do some regional theater shit,” she adds with a smile.

That spirit of camaraderie was, not coincidentally, at the heart of Olsen’s breakout project, Sean Durkin’s 2011 indie sensation “Martha Marcy May Marlene.” As an introduction to the process of filmmaking to a young stage-trained actor, Durkin’s quietly devastating drama was a dream—and an invaluable learning opportunity.

“It was truly just a bunch of people who loved the script, who just were doing the work. I didn’t understand lenses, so I just did the same thing all the time. I never knew if the camera would be on me or not. There was just so much purity in that experience, and you only have that once.”

The film announced Olsen as a talent to watch: a keen-eyed performer capable of deploying a stilted physicality and clipped delivery, which she used to conjure up a wounded girl learning how to shake off her time spent in a cult in upstate New York. But Olsen admits that it took her a while to figure out how to navigate her career choices afterward. In the years following “Martha,” she felt compelled to try on everything: a horror flick here, a high-profile remake there, a period piece here, an action movie there. It wasn’t until she starred in neo-Western thriller “Wind River” (alongside fellow Marvel regular Jeremy Renner) and the dark comedy “Ingrid Goes West” (opposite a deliciously deranged Aubrey Plaza) that Olsen found her groove.

“It was at that point, when I was five years into working, where I was like, Ah, I know how I want it. I know what I need from these people—from who’s involved, from producers, from directors, from the character, from the script—in order to trust that it’s going to be a fruitful experience.”

As Olsen looks back on her first decade as a working actor, she points out how far removed she is from that young girl who broke out in “Martha Marcy May Marlene.”

“I feel like a totally different person. I don’t know if everyone who’s in their early 30s feels like their early 20s self is a totally different human. But when I think about that version of myself, it feels like a long time ago; there’s a lot learned in a decade.”

Those early years were marked by a self-effacing humility that often led Olsen to defer to others when it came to key decisions about the characters she was playing. But she now feels emboldened to not only stand up for herself and her choices but for others on her sets as well.

“[Facebook Watch series] ‘Sorry for Your Loss’ I got to produce, and I really found my voice in a collaborative leadership way. And with ‘WandaVision,’ Paul [Bettany] and I really took on that feeling, as well—especially since we were introducing new characters to Marvel and wanted [those actors] to feel protected and helped,” she says. “They could ask questions and make sure they felt like they had all the things they needed because sometimes you don’t even know what you need to ask.”

It’s a lesson she learned working with filmmaker Marc Abraham on the Hank Williams biopic “I Saw the Light,” and she’s carried it with her ever since. “I really want it to feel like we’re all in this together, as a team,” Olsen says. “That was part of ‘Sorry for Your Loss’ and it was part of ‘WandaVision,’ and I hope to continue that kind of energy because those have been some of the healthiest work experiences I’ve had.”

If Olsen sounds particularly zealous about the importance of a comfortable, working set, it is because she’s well aware that therein lies an integral part of the work and the process. As an actor, she wants to feel protected and nurtured by those around her, whether she’s reacting to a telling, quiet line of dialogue about grief or donning her iconic Scarlet Witch outfit during a magic-filled mid-air action sequence.

“Sometimes you’re going to be foolish, you know? And [you need to] feel brave to be foolish. Sometimes people feel embarrassed on set and snap. But if you’re in a place where people feel like they’re allowed to be an idiot,” she says, “you’re going to feel better about being an idiot.”

This story originally appeared in the Aug. 19 issue of Backstage Magazine. Subscribe here.

Press/Gallery: How Elizabeth Olsen Brought Marvel From Mainstream to Prestige was originally published on Elizabeth Olsen Source • Your source for everything Elizabeth Olsen

[tooweirdforyou]

Lunar New Year » Teases

Trafalgar D. Water Law x Reader

Summary » Law is being the typical, cocky and teasing ass. But, he’s a lovable asshole, who secretly cares for you.

note : modern! AU, reader works at a cafe :p, friends to lovers(?)

also, some of these might seem a little rushed. And they are. lol — this is the only one I’ll post, accept maybe one on actual lunar year-

-

“Thank you, please come again!”

Waving goodbye to another customer, you stretch your arms and sigh. “Another busy day of business.” You sang and Penguin chuckles beside you, turning the open sign to closed.

“It makes sense today was a little busier. Don’t you know what day it is?”

“How could I forget, with the amount of envelopes we’ve received from customers?” Gesturing to the pile of stacked red envelopes on the counter behind the register, Shachi and Penguin laugh once more.

“It’s a good thing we decided to open on New Years though, I heard almost every store is closed.” Shachi says, taking off his apron and hanging it up.

You began doing the same, smiling at the thought. Sure, you were exhausted but the amount of customers that came in meant tons of cash, so it was worth it.

“Oh, Shachi! Did you get a personal red envelope from anyone?” Penguin asks, and Shachi shrugs. “Besides my parents and Bepo, I don’t think so. Did you?”

“Not yet, but I heard Boa Hancock has a personal envelope and hasn’t given it to anyone yet.” Penguin grins with a small pink blush across his cheeks, and his words shocked Shachi. “Really? No way!”

Unable to help yourself from overhearing, you laugh lightly. “Sorry, boys. I heard she’s giving it to some guy named Luffy. The one with the straw hat, remember? He barged in here one day, asking for meat with his brothers.”

The two began to sulk at you. “Seriously?.. how lucky..”

Rolling your eyes, you glance at the time. Seeing the clock strike eight, you grin a bit.

You dust your clothes and made sure everything was neat in your area before grabbing your things that you needed.

“Alright, I’m heading out for the night. I’ll see you both in a couple of days. Remember to lock up!”

Penguin nods sullenly before perking up, noticing you already heading for the door. “Wait, aren’t you going to grab some of the envelopes?”

Understanding what he meant, you shrug. “I’ll pick up my share later on. Go ahead and take as many as you two want though.”

With that, you quickly open the door and head out, waving to the two of them before leaving completely.

“Wonder what’s the rush.” Shachi comments and Penguin shrugs, beginning to sweep the shop while Shachi began putting chairs away.

-

“No way, sold out already?”

Staring at the window display, your shoulders dropped in disappointment at the large sign that signaled the status of the item you’ve been waiting all day for.

Your lips slowly curled into a pout, clearly upset at not being able to be one of the many people who were able to get a copy of the limited edition remake of Sora, Warrior of the Sea comic series.

It was a once in a lifetime situation, considering there were only a few copies of the remake, since it included extra scenes and artwork.

“I can’t believe it..”

“What a pity.”

Whirling your head around to see Law leaning against the wall of the building, a particular book in hand.

“Law? What do you want?.. and is that-!”

“How cruel. I stood here waiting for you to arrive, knowing you’d be upset that it was sold out.” Law states, feigning a look of hurt as he stands up straight.

You furrow your brows at him, not at him for the amount of time it was sold out, but the fact that he actually stood there for as long it was sold out and you arrived.

“What, so you waited for me to laugh in my face about it?”

You never particularly liked Law but you didn’t hate him either. He was attractive yes, but he often got on your nerves with his teasing attitude, his dumb ass smirk, etc.

“Do you think so low about me all the time? It hurts my feelings.” Law hums, making his way towards you as he swung the book around a bit in his hand.

You roll your eyes and sighed. “Right.. well, I guess I’ll get going then. I left the cafe just to find it was worth nothing so.. I better get back to help Penguin and Shachi clean up..” you mumble, clearing your throat and turned around.

Law hums as he stops behind you. “Leaving already? I haven’t even gotten to offer you the book yet.”

Your eyes widen as you whirl around excitedly. “Wait, really?!”

The male closes his eyes with a innocent smile. “Of course. Feel free to take it.” You didn’t even question him as you quickly went to reach for your book eagerly, only to nearly trip in the process when Law pulled away.

He then held it up his head, smirking teasingly. “It’s right here, [Name]-ya. Just reach for it.” Law hums, waving the comic book in the air.

You sent him a small scowl as you reach up for the book once more, just for him to grab your wrist and roughly pull you into his chest,

Lips now right next to your ear, Law hums.

“If you wanted me that badly, you could’ve just asked.”

The unexpected action was enough to bring the heat up to your cheeks, quickly reaching the tips of your ears. “As if!”

Seeing your visible blush was enough to satisfy him, an amused smile spreading across his lips before pulling away from you.

Law turns around, back facing you as he checks the first page of the comic in his hand for a brief moment.

Reassured what was on the front page, he closed it and turned back to face you.

Smirking lightly, Law held out the book for you, before a genuine small smile was seen from him. “Here.”

You eyed him suspiciously for a minute before a wide grin came over you, and you eagerly took the book from him. “Thanks, Law!”

The pink tint of your cheeks and excited smile on your lips made Law’s heart skip a beat, but he wouldn’t admit it.

The male only nods before turning away, his hand up with a wave. “See you around. Happy Lunar Year.”

With that, he began leaving without waiting for your response, hands shoved into his pockets as he did so.

You didn’t seem to mind, too busy thinking about actually having the comic book in your hands and went to see the first page, wondering what it looked like.

However, the sight shocked you.

Upon opening the cover, the blank page showed a bit of writing along with a red envelope.

‘To [ Name LastName ], hope you’re grateful.’

Was all it read as you slowly reached for the red envelope and pulled the seal open.

Inside, instead of it being money, it was a folded paper. Curiosity took over as you pulled it out and read it.

‘You’re welcome. Happy Lunar Year, [ Name ]-ya. I like seeing you smile and I knew you’d want the latest remake of the comic so I made sure to get it. Don’t be a klutz and ruin it.’

and right near the bottom was his phone number, with two words. ‘Let’s talk.’

Irritation was evident in your eyes but the small warm smile took over your emotions as you held the paper tightly in your hands.

Law sure was an unexpected type.

-

Meanwhile, as Law walked away, he looked down at his path as he did so, warmth spreading over his cheeks at what he did and the image of your excited grin was plastered in his mind.

-

A/N : MAN IDK OKAY ITS RUSHED AND IM BEST AT RUSHING THINGS BECAUSE MY FINGERS TYPE BEFORE MY BRAIN THINKS! wait does that make sense?

[secret-diary-of-an-fa]

Men is a Really Interesting Bad Movie

So, I kind of knew that Men wasn’t going to be very good going in- that’s why I watched it. I felt like rubbernecking at a cinematic car-crash so I could entertain you lovely people with the results. The ways in which Men fails, however, surprised me. I assumed from the title and adverts that my main problem with Men would be the heavy-handed message-mongering and idiotic Boys Vs Girls mentality that real fucking adults are supposed to leave behind shortly after having their first orgasm and realising that the other sex can be immensely fun, especially if you ply them with vodka and quaaludes and are willing to let them loose on your naughty bits with the contents of a medium-sized sex-shop. And don’t get me wrong, the heavy-handed message-mongering and idiotic Boys Vs Girls horseshit is present and correct (as it has been in roughly every film made since 2016, the year culture died). However, Men fucks up in ways that have absolutely nothing to do with its infantile misinterpretation of feminism. To be clear, though, that is the first and most obvious problem with the film. I mean, it’s called Men in the same way that bad creature features are so often named after their main monsters (who here remembers The Bye Bye Man? Go on, put your hands up. Now put them back down again and punish yourself for lying with a nail file, because nobody remembers that movie). The point is that if you’re not pathologically terrified of all penis-owners, the basic concept is probably going to be a bit wasted on you, in much the same way that the remake of The Wicker Man, starring Nicholas Cage of all people, was probably wasted on you if you feared neither vaginas nor bees. However, this isn’t the most interesting thing to complain about with Men, so let’s move on.

First of all, there’s the pacing, which has something in common with Delaney’s Donkey after said donkey has been ill-advisedly entered into a race (seriously, Google ‘Delaney’s Donkey’- it’s an old and very silly folk song from the Auld Country and you’ll thank me for introducing you to it). Anyhoo, like DD, Men barely moves at all for a long time, then spasms forward in fits and starts and finally makes a fucking demented dash for the finish line. The first half of the film… how can I put this politely? It reduced my risk of breast cancer by roughly 100% by boring my fucking tits off. Actually, that’s not fair. It’s unintentionally funny in places, which means I have at least one twelfth of my total man-boob stock left in tact. There’s a bit where a creepy naked guy is wondering around in the main character’s garden, and he’s clearly meant to be unsettling, but Miss I’ve-Already-Forgotten-Her-Name is so oblivious to him for so long that it actually turns into something of a farce, like a scene out of Abbot and Costello Meet the Monsters. There’s a moment where the guy playing Creepy McNaked Dude accidentally catches the lens of the camera like he’s looking into the audience’s eyes and you can see ‘can you believe this dozy berk’ written into his very gaze, and I think I might have laughed out loud. Then the second half of the film hits and everything goes mental all at once with basically no build-up whatsoever. One minute Miss Stock Character 2022 is walking around a slightly weird rural-English village having slightly off-putting encounters with men so cartoonishly sexist that they might as well be villains from an especially woke episode of Scooby Doo. The next minute, there’s a Lovecraftian Cosmic Horror wearing their faces and teleporting around her rented house just to fuck with her.

Oh yes, Men gets about two thirds through its run-time and suddenly decides it wants to be a cosmic horror film. Actually, if it had just done that from the beginning and kept doing it to the end, it might have been a pretty decent love-letter to Lovecraft. They way it visualises the unknowable and terrifying eternal other has echoes of a really good John Carpenter film. There’s a bit where the monster’s arm gets cut vertically in two and you realise that it’s only wearing a human-shaped suit because it just keeps using and gesticulating with both halves as though it’s got nothing worse than a stubbed toe. Then there’s the bit where it keeps birthing its borrowed shapes out of one another and its gross and disgusting and unsettling because it visualises the fact that these are all the same entity, just using different aspects, in a very unique and interesting way. Even the creepy cultist who both summons and is the creature is well-done: there’s a scene where he slits open his forehead and sticks a leaf in there, evoking the dark, generative force of the Green Man that’s genuinely awesome.

Unfortunately, these elements are introduced more or less out of fucking nowhere and they don’t go anywhere interesting. This isn’t secretly a movie about Azathoth showing up on Earth and tormenting a despairing human woman for shits and giggles (oh, yeah, shit: I forgot to mention that Stocky O’Character is wrestling with complicated feelings about the death-by-suicide of her abusive ex-husband, because of course she fucking is- just slap a tragic backstory on her, why don’t you, film-makers? I’m sure that’ll cover the gaping void where a fully-developed personality should be). Where was I? Oh yes: as it turns out (spoiler alert!), it’s not an unknowable cosmic horror at all, it’s just a representation of the interchangeability of controlling, emotionally abusive men (which, in this film’s unbelievably simplistic universe is literally all of them) and how, for Stockita Characterford, they’re all just manifestations and reminders of her dickbag ex. Which is a shame because the visuals are so cool I actually wish they’d been in a good movie with something interesting to say. It’s not even clear if Stockpot Caricature is just hallucinating or if she actually encountered a supernatural entity. Even if it is, it’s not actually a Great Old One, so who fucking cares?

So yeah. It’s another one of those films. You know the ones I mean- the ones that give themselves a great, hearty pat on the back for being brave and pointing out that sexism is bad, m’kay even though nobody really disagreed with that to begin with. Well, except those insane far-right American legislators who recently banned abortions in like, way too many states… and I don’t think they usually go to see artsy-fartsy British horror films.

Men is a misfire of epic proportions. A grumbling, portentous, fatuous, flatulent snore-fest that comes alive for just long enough to make you think that it’s going somewhere interesting, then stops and shits itself inside out just before reaching the finish line. I recommend watching it back to back with the Nicholas Cage Wicker Man so you can truly appreciate just how spectacularly fucked we are as a species.

[incorrect-quotes-from-she-ra]

Morning! I hope you don't mind if i give you yet another She-Ra thought I'm too damn lazy to post on my own. Also, it's long again. I WILL find that character limit some day.

So, we know the way Shadow Weaver raised Adora resulted, among other issues, in her being selfless to the point of self-sacrifice, which came to a climax in the Heart's failsafe business.

And it's been suggested that this was basically intentional on Shadow Weaver's part. Basically, selflessness is a very beneficial quality for others to have. My theory is that <b>her plan for Adora had always been specifically for her to someday use the failsafe and release all magic</b>.

(i will admit i am also curious how formatting works in this app. thank you for your help with these experiments)

So, evidence. Let's start with her name. I know this is a remake and they were stuck with the existing names, but there's a scene where Scorpia complains about it ("yeah i GET it, everyone LOVES you"), which constitutes the writers acknowledging its meaning, which makes me think it's fair game to analyze.

First, I'm obviously assuming Shadow Weaver choose it, as part of her ongoing parenting plan. It's also possible it was her original First One-given name, we don't know. Neither quite works because either she or Light Hope should have had some issues knowing what the name was and they clearly knew automatically. Really the entire series is weird in that everyone communicates with everyone else way too easily, and i will definitely rant about that someday.

For now let it stand that Shadow Weaver is the parent figure, it makes the most sense for her to pick the name, both in-universe and narratively, so i shall assume so by default. I have two things to say about that choice.

First, as we all have noticed, most of the princesses have names ending in -a. All of them, if you count "Glimma". It's never said to be intentional, but it would make sense. And then IF such a tradition exists among Etheria's royalty, it's not unreasonable for Shadow Weaver, a notable and moderately respected member of the land of knowledge, to know about it.

And then if she knew, of course she would take it into consideration when looking for names. Admittedly it's a little weird with the anti-Princess propaganda that the Horde has, but she doesn't really need to explain or justify this. Hordak has a very [i]laissez-faire[/i] attitude, and everyone else she clearly doesn't care about.

And if she knew or suspected that the princesses' powers were related to the Heart of Etheria, which i will argue for later, then giving her a princessy name is also adequately ironic.

The second name bit is that Scorpia clearly knows some Latin, but not enough. True, <em>adorare</em> means to worship and/or to love, but Latin verbs are more complex than that. _Adora_ specifically is 3rd person singular present indicative active. The translation would be "she loves".

Names aside, i want to talk about how they (we) learned about the Heart of Etheria. Castaspella doesn't know what to do, Shadow Weaver suggests they take a road trip to research, which she's reticent about but concedes is probably the best use of her time, and they find success. We don't know how long it took them, but i had the distinct impression that it wasn't very long.

Naturally, I'm suggesting Shadow Weaver knew all along, and led Castaspella on the trip to have an excuse for the inevitable "how do you know?". Also tricked her into thinking it was /her/ discovery, and maybe even that she was succeeding where Shadow Weaver had failed before, if necessary.

That's why she's so excited to share their results with everybody, and Shadow Weaver cuts her off, apparently just to antagonize her for fun, but I'm suggesting it was also because for her this is the culmination of a decades-long plan, and she wants to Get On With It.

It's also interesting that there was a mural depicting the Spell of Obtainment in the hallway leading to the failsafe. It was a reminder of Shadow Weaver's past, and an opportunity for her to show she regrets her results but doesn't repent from her choices, which i quite like actually. But I'm also saying that, meta-textually, it was a signal that she'd been there before, literally.

And then there is the potential in-universe connection, since we don't know what exactly the spell was meant to be obtaining. Power, for sure, and from what happened we're probably meant to assume it's tapping into some sort of demonic entity or dimension.

Fair enough, except that it never comes up again. And it's kind of a big plot point that Etheria is isolated from the rest of the cosmos, which may or may not conflict with it having a contactable "hell". Meanwhile there's the Heart of Etheria Project collecting all that magic, which Mara's allies (and their descendants) would know something about, have access to at least one backdoor to, and may well have tried to tap into its power at some point.

And then what went wrong may well be one of the defense mechanisms of the Project, though I'm admittedly veering into unfounded speculation.

So, a rough timeline. Light Spinner was always motivated to excel and craved power. She was probably always envied the princesses, who command greater magic than most sorcerers with apparently none of the study and practice.

She took to researching everything she could that might lead to power, eventually discovering the chamber with the failsafe, and presumably other information left by Mara's Friends, either in other chambers or in documents she's since removed. She would have learned a lot of things from this.

As i suggested, i believe she knew there's some connection between the princesses at large and the Heart of Etheria. Incidentally, i don't know exactly what that connection is, and in particular whether princesses were created by the Project or an existing phenomenon that the First Ones co-opted. But it doesn't matter, exactly.

What's important is that there's clearly a connection, more specifically a control system for the princesses and their magic, which is presumably related to how Shadow Weaver was able to tap into the Black Garnet's power. With Hordak's help, obviously, since she clearly believed it when he claimed he could cut her off at will, but he's later shown to have basically no understanding of First Ones' tech, so the knowledge must have come from her.

For the record, i would guess she thinks princesses are artificial, empowered both magically and politically to keep the planet in check, and that they would be depowered once the failsafe was fired. I also think that may be true, actually, since it almost happened when Entrapta was messing with the system, and if i recall none of them were shown to use any magic after Adora did fire it, while she clearly used Perfuma's power. But anyways!

Back to what Shadow Weaver learned, she would know some of what the failsafe does, namely disrupt the system that's hoarding most of the planet's magic, thereby spreading magic to all (most notably her), and some of how to use it, and the fact that she couldn't do so and hope to live, and some of the criteria for who can. That part is important.

But first, she also learned the Spell of Obtainment, deemed it more likely but didn't think she could do it herself, despaired of getting help until she thought Hordak's rise to fame would give her #casus belli#, lost her patience when the Mystacor leadership disagreed, etc etc etc. Pretty uncontroversial in this part, i think.

After she'd joined the Horde, when Hordak showed up with baby Adora and wanted to lump her with the rest of the orphans they have, Shadow Weaver pleaded to have her get special treatment. She even said that she's special, and it couldn't have been her leadership skills or good heart, since she didn't have either yet. It's heavily implied she could recognize her as a First One, but it's not clear why she would care, since they were known for leaving behind advanced technology, which a baby also doesn't have. Unless, of course, she knew there are devices only a First One could use, and maybe has plans related to that.

So I'm pretty sure she learned the criteria that the failsafe requires, devised some spell or technique to check people for them that she pretty much used all the time, just in case, and was very surprised when a newborn tested positive. She was also surprised when Hordak made her personally responsible for the raising of the kid, but her reaction is pretty much "ok, that could work, i guess".

Also also, i suspect she can read First One script. Not perfectly like Adora, but better than Bow's parents probably. Mostly because when she puts Adora's hand on the crystal and says "i think you know the password", that seems like a very transparent attempt to pretend she knows it too when she doesn't. But that seems irresponsible at such a crucial moment, she and Castaspella should really have researched it earlier. Or at least her line there should have been "you can read this, right?" or somesuch.

So I'm thinking it's a double bluff, hoping everybody assumes she doesn't know so she doesn't have to reveal how and why she knows, again.

And that's all i have, i think? This is not nearly as well laid out as i would like. But then, nothing ever is, right?

Also it's not even close to morning anymore. Thank you if you even got this far, and have a good evening!

hi!!! this took me a while to answer, i'm so sorry about that <3

i'm very low on energy today so i cannot summon up the brain energy to respond properly to this, as much as i want to, i'm really sorry for that as well

i love this theory!! it actually fits in really well with canon and makes, like, a LOT of sense now that i think about it. i definitely wouldn't have thought of this on my own, so thank you for sharing this with me!! :D

[mst3kproject]

The Neanderthal Man

Since I'm taking a break from fishmen, I might as well let Bigfoot catch up a bit.  The Neanderthal Man isn't exactly a Bigfoot movie, but it’s along the same lines and its entire starring cast has MST3K pedigrees.  Robert Shayne was in Indestructible Man and Teenage Caveman. Richard Crane was Rocky Jones, Space Ranger! Beverly Garland was in Swamp Diamonds and Gunslinger. Even the composer, Albert Glasser, wrote music for Invasion USA, Last of the Wild Horses, and almost all of MST3K’s Bert I. Gordon movies.

Some little mountain town in the middle of the Sierras (which the Portentous 50's Narrator takes some trouble to tell us is a primeval place where 'the defacing hand of civilization has fallen but lightly') is having a rash of saber-toothed tiger sightings!  At first these are laughed off, but when the game warden himself sees one cross the road in the middle of the night, it's time to do something about it.  The warden shows a cast pawprint to Dr. Ross Harkness in Los Angeles, who is interested enough to come up and see for himself. Local Mad Scientist Dr. Groves pooh-poohs the whole thing, which is enough to tell me that we're not dealing with a local cryptid here.  Somebody is making prehistoric monsters.

So... I may not have actually run out of movies, but I seem to be running out of plots, because this is a remarkably similar movie to Monster on the Campus. The major difference between the two films is that Dr. Blake turned himself into a caveman by accident, while Dr. Groves here is doing it on purpose.

Another difference is that Monster on the Campus' story, while silly, was linear – events escalated in a way that felt logical, and there were reasons why things happened when and where they did.  By contrast, The Neanderthal Man feels like a first draft.  At the beginning of the film, we're dealing with the saber-toothed tigers that Groves has been creating by injecting cats with his de-evolution serum.  We hear about these slaughtering game and livestock, and it seems like only a matter of time before they move on to human beings.  The beginning of the film is quite upfront about the fact that Groves is responsible, too, as it is only mildly mysterious in its depiction of one of the creatures escaping his lab.

Sometimes the saber-tooths are represented by an actual tiger, usually filmed from behind or at a great distance so nobody has to put the prosthetic teeth on it.  They do have prosthetic teeth, but they're only visible in a couple of shots. Imagine being at a bar and some guy tells you his job is sticking fake fangs on real tigers for a caveman movie!  For close-ups, there's a hilarious puppet head that looks like the sort of thing you'd see mounted on a frat house wall as a joke.  The director had the sense not to linger on this in motion shots, but later we see still photographs Groves has supposedly taken of his experimental subjects and they're even stupider-looking than we imagined.

Anyway, this goes on for a while with rising action, as the game warden goes to get Harkness and they manage to shoot one of the animals, only to have it vanish from the kill site when they try to show it to Groves (the movie never bothers to explain how that happened, incidentally. The ending suggests that the creatures change back when they die, but there's definitely no dead kitty cat at the scene, either).  The whole movie could easily have just had the cats and their creator as the antagonists, perhaps even ending the same way as Dr. Groves proves his work to the other characters by injecting himself. That's not what happens, though.  Instead, the story mostly forgets about the cats one we find out Groves has also been carrying on human experiments.

(Before himself, Groves' first experimental subject was his disabled Latina housekeeper.  Another series of photos show her half-transformed into a cavewoman who for some reason is wearing drag queen false eyelashes.  And as long as I'm talking about the movie being gross and bigoted, there's a bit where a woman is violently raped.  This happens off camera, but the audience is not allowed to entertain any illusions about it.)

The problem is that before we see him give himself an injection in the arm, we have had absolutely no indication that Groves has been giving his serum to anything besides the cats! Cats are stealthy, cryptic creatures and if one of those has been seen wandering around killing things, then surely a full-on caveman beating people to death would not be able to stay out of sight!  If what we were seeing were the first time Groves had tried the formula on himself then that would be an explanation, but his notes reveal that he's been doing it for so long that he's on the verge of losing control of the transformation and permanently reverting to a pre-human status, as indeed he does for the climax.  Much like the stupid dinosaur in The Beast of Hollow Mountain, the movie's main monster is given no build-up whatsoever!

There's worse yet, though.  The main characters, Dr. Harkness and Groves' daughter Jan, are barely involved in the 'caveman' part of the plot. They get phone calls about the various murders that Groves is committing in caveman form, and they snoop around the lab to figure out things the audience already knows.  The same story could have been told without them, perhaps with the game warden and the hunter as protagonists, and it would probably have been more interesting. The script also repeatedly has Dr. Groves wander in and bluster about how the tiger sightings are hallucinations and tall tales, which seems a little unnecessary when we already know he's responsible. The film-makers can't seem to decide whether they want us to know that or not.

Dr. Groves wears glasses.  Maybe the reason his primitive alter-ego is angry and breaking shit (although it does politely open and close the window it climbs out of, which made me laugh) is because it can't see. This is also my theory about why the Hulk smashes, and what do you know?  In Avengers Endgame he's got Hulk-sized spectacles and only smashes when he's told!

The direction of The Neanderthal Man can probably best be described as 'serviceable'.  It shows us what's going on, but doesn't particularly add anything to the proceedings.  The 'Neanderthal' mask is immobile and uninteresting, not much better than somebody's Party City Sasquatch costume.  Even the eyes are just painted on, meaning the poor guy in the costume can’t do much because he can’t see where he’s going.

The dialogue is often very strange, with characters talking like they're in a Jules Verne novel. If only one person did this, it might seem like a character quirk – it works for Dr. Groves, for example – but it's everybody. Seeing the cat carcass is gone, Harkness declares, “I refuse to believe in the supernatural!  There must be some logical cause and effect to this unholy adventure!”  Groves' fiancee Ruth berates him for ignoring her, saying, “I want you, the man I once knew!  The good companion, the cheerful friend.  I want the happiness we once found in each other.”  It's bizarre to listen to, and often audibly awkward for the actors.

Monster on the Campus was kind of trying to be about how humanity must choose to evolve away from our inner savage, although the finale didn't bear that out.  There's a scene in The Neanderthal Man in which this movie seems to be trying to go in the opposite direction, saying that we were never savage to begin with.  Dr. Groves is speaking to a panel of scientists about the size of the brain in various 'primitive' species of human.  He points out that by the time we reached Homo erectus we were already working with four times the cerebral jelly of a chimpanzee, and argues that our ancestors would have been recognizably human in their behaviour and problem-solving capacity.

(Amusingly, his chart of human evolution includes Piltdown Man, which was proven to be a hoax literally a few months after this movie's release.  What makes this even more tragic for the writers is that their list of primitive humans seems to be the only place where they actually did any research.)

The problem with Dr. Groves' theory is that he already knows it's wrong. We soon learn that he's been experimenting on himself with his serum for a while already, and his notes show that he knows very well he regresses into a near-mindless animal.  The movie does not even try to reconcile these ideas.  If Groves were continuing his experiments in the hope that perfecting his serum would give him a more accurate reconstruction of ancient man, that would be one thing, but the script never goes there.

So now that we've had two 'man turns into caveman by injecting science juice' movies, of course I have to ask which one is better.  Monster on the Campus wasn't a good movie but it was definitely an improvement on The Neanderthal Man in several respects, and although I don't have any way to find out for certain, I suspect it was an intentional remake.  It's definitely more entertaining and gets bonus points for including the Meganeura dragonfly, but nothing in it is nearly as funny as The Neanderthal Man's fake tiger head.  I guess if you're gonna watch one or the other, stick to Monster on the Campus, but if you're gonna watch both, start with The Neanderthal Man and do them in chronological order, the better to spot the inspirations and references.

Before I go, a fun paleontology fact: current thinking is that the saber-toothed cat's eponymous fangs actually didn't show when it had its mouth closed!  There are zero cave paintings or ancient sculptures of a saber-tooth cat with teeth visible, and when scientists looked at the structure of the enamel in the canines, it suggested that in life the teeth were hidden by big, fleshy, St Bernard jowls.  Google 'smilodon lips' and behold how this looks fully three hundred percent more ridiculous than you're imagining.  I love nature.

[harley-sunday]

Encore [01]

Summary: The new Disney+ show ‘Encore’ brings together former castmates of a high school musical, tasking them with re-creating their original performance in a high school reunion like no other. Emotions run high as you face faded friendships, long-forgotten controversies, killer choreography, and an ex-boyfriend you haven’t seen in eighteen years.

Pairing: Chris Evans x reader [unnamed OFC, nicknamed ‘Ace’)

Warnings: None

Word count: 8.4k

AN: So, here it is, the re-write of Encore. For those of you who have read it when it was first published, there are some subtle changes in this first part, but the real fun doesn’t start until part 2, which will be online tomorrow. Hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think :)

Masterlist

Cursing quietly you set out in a jog, one hand holding your purse close to your body while the other is clutching the double espresso that made you late in the first place. You make a mental note to check if they’ve replaced the coffee machine in your hotel room when you get back tonight, because you really don't want to go on another early-morning Starbucks run tomorrow in case they haven’t.

Still, you’re parked relatively closeby and so it’s only a short run to the double doors which you all but burst through, coming to a sudden stop when there are two people in your way who look like they’ve been waiting for you. They introduce themselves as part of the crew and help you with your microphone, telling you to keep it on as much as possible and not to forget to hand it back at the end of every day. You only half listen because all of a sudden the familiarity of the place hits you and you’re surprised to see nothing has changed, not really anyway. It’s almost like time has stood still and the sense of melancholy that washes over you makes you a little weak in the knees. 

There’s no time to reminisce any further though, because once your mic is in place they tell you everyone else is already here and waiting for you in the theater room, and so you’re off again, running towards the other end of Lincoln-Sudbury Regional High School for the first time in eighteen years. 

You’re a little out of breath when you get there and want to allow yourself a moment to catch it again, maybe calm your nerves a little, but you know they’re waiting for you and so you take one last deep breath and open the door. 

There’s a group of nine people on the stage who, like you, are the show’s main cast. They’re all talking to each other amicably and you wonder if they’ve kept in touch all these years. One by one they turn to you as you make your way towards the front and it does absolutely nothing to calm your nerves. Some of them look surprised to see you and you don’t blame them, because once you left Sudbury after graduating high school you had no intention of ever coming back and so you cut ties rather vigorously. 

Two of the four cameras that are spread out across the room are now trained on you, but you try your hardest to act natural, because that’s what it said in the production brief they sent you last week, and so instead you try to focus on the people you haven’t seen for so long. 

It’s Nicole Matthews who greets you first, running towards you as you walk on stage. She presses a kiss to your cheek before she gives you a hug, a quiet, “So glad you made it, babe,” whispered into your ear. You hang on to her just a little longer because now that you’re finally getting to hug your best friend again for the first time in eighteen years it’s hard to let go. 

After Nicole you make your way down the line at a steady pace, greeting everyone with a hug, except for Michael Pratt who insists on doing the secret handshake he taught you during rehearsals all those years ago. You hand your coffee to John Ryan on your right, because unfortunately you’ll need both hands for this. It takes a little practice but then you remember the full routine and you can’t help but laugh when you nail it on your third try, earning you a wink from Johnny when he hands you your coffee back, “Still got it, huh kiddo?” 

All too soon there’s only one person left to greet and you know all eyes are on you when you walk towards Chris, the talking from before quieting down to a hushed whisper. It’s fine. You get it. You would want to know what happens next too. 

“Hi.”

He seems unsure what to do and after a second or two he pulls you in for a hug that’s a little awkward and might have not been such a good idea after all.

You give him a quick pat on the back before you pull back, and step to the left, trying to hide from view a little. There’s a whole range of emotions you’re going through right now and you’re not sure which one to settle one. If somehow you could walk out of here and just forget this ever happened, you probably would, even though you are sure Nicole would never let you. 

It’s then three more people walk in and so everyone’s attention shifts to the newcomers before they have a chance to ask questions you don’t have any answers to. 

The two men and one woman introduce themselves as the director, choreographer, and musical director for this project and tell you there’s a lot of work ahead of you, even though from tomorrow there will be some professionals to fill some of the minor roles and help with the choreography. They seem so unfazed about having a celebrity there that you can’t help but wonder if they got instructions from production or if they’re just used to working with well-known actors. You suppose, and hope, it’s the latter. 

“So, Grease,” the director, Coy, comments with a smile when he hands the scripts to Nicole to pass down the line, “that was already a classic by the time you performed it.” He asks everyone to tell him who had which role in the original production, taking notes and nodding fervently when he hears who played who. 

Coy looks up and smiles, “So, we have a lot to do, of course, if we’re gonna do a show in five days, but Grease doesn’t work unless you have fun. Unless you’re having fun, the show falls flat.” He looks to Adam, the musical director, “So today we’re gonna have a little bit of a singing session. That’ll let us know where you are, vocally.” 

Adam has the group form a semi-circle and hands each of you a piece of paper with the lyrics of ‘I Want it that Way’ by the Backstreet Boys on them, because, as he reasons, it was one of the biggest hits the year you performed Grease and you all need to go back to that place in time. 

Nicole starts, a little hesitant at first, but then she decides to go for it and it’s amazing and, like nineteen years ago, you are absolutely in awe of her voice. As more and more people sing their rendition of the song, you are actually surprised at the level of singers in the group and how serious everyone takes this. That is until Johnny and Michael decide to remake the song into a duet once it’s Johnny’s turn and their very serious facial expressions and interpretive dancing have you crying from laughter in no time. 

Chris is up next and finally you get to take a good look at him. He’s wearing a dark blue sweater that stretches across the muscles in his arms and chest, paired with black jeans, and sneakers, and it suits him. His voice is soft but clear and you can’t help but wonder why he never did more musical theater. You’ve followed his career, of course you have, and you’re proud to see what he’s accomplished, because you know how hard he’s worked to get there. 

It’s your turn then and instead of butterflies it feels like there’s a herd of elephants stomping around in your stomach. You step up anyway, because, with the exception of the three professionals, they’ve all heard you sing before. You haven’t sung in a long time, but you still know how to carry a tune, although you never really take any risks, and so if anything your rendition errs a little on the boring side. Still, you make it through the song without any real struggles and at the end Adam praises the group, saying he’s impressed at everyone’s vocal capabilities. 

Coy looks up from his seat then, where he’s been taking more notes ever since Nicole started singing, and informs you that they have decided to honor the original casting.

And so here you are, once again playing the Rizzo to Chris’ Kenickie. 

The rest of the day passes by in a blur of read-throughs, choreography, and more singing, and even though you know you’ll be dead-tired once you get back to your hotel tonight, you also can’t help but feel excited. You never pursued a career in acting or performing and so Grease was both your first and last venture out into the theater world, but God, did you like it.  

You’re a little lost in thoughts, watching a scene you’re not in from the side of the stage, thinking back on your days as a theater kid, when Chris comes up beside you, “How you holding up?” 

You know what he wants you to say, because this has been your spiel whenever you found each other in the wings, but you just can’t get the words out, there’s eighteen years worth of pain and heartache that needs to be dealt with first. Instead, you keep looking straight ahead at the scene in front of you, shaking your head ever so slightly to let him know, what, you’re not exactly sure.

He takes a step back and doesn’t say anything else until it’s his turn to enter the stage.   

There’s no time to unravel what the hell just happened because Nicole comes off stage and joins you then, gently bumping her hips against yours, “You ok, babe? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“The ghost of my fifteen-year old self,” you mutter quietly. A little louder then, hoping she’ll let it go, “Don’t worry about it, Nic.” 

“Well, at least no one’s gonna complain about the age difference between you two now,” she says with a grin, nodding towards the stage where Chris is going through his scene. She shakes her head, “God, I still can’t believe it was such an issue back then, only because he was, what? A year older?”

“Almost two,” you offer. You remember Mrs Linton pulling you aside to inform you there had been complaints about you being cast as Rizzo. She told you there were some people who were worried the age difference between you and Chris could be perceived as inappropriate, especially because you shared one very steamy makeout scene right before intermission, that went on for at least a few minutes. You were just a junior and so shocked to learn people had a problem with you that you offered to step down, but it turned out Mrs Linton was on your side, and she told you she’d kick your butt all the way back to second grade if you even so much as thought about letting them win.

You never found out who she meant by ‘them’ but you always thought Jessica Mullen, the girl playing Sandy, and Fiona Warren were behind all this. Jessica and Fiona were best friends, two of the most popular senior girls, and it was no secret Fiona had a huge crush on Chris back then. She also auditioned for the part of Rizzo, but Mrs Linton favored your approach to the character and so Fiona ended up being offered a role in the ensemble, which she declined with a temper-tantrum unprecedented by anything any two-year old has ever thrown. 

Ultimately, as a compromise, Mrs Linton made you and Chris skip the makeout scene during rehearsals, which seemed to stop the protests somewhat. You've often wondered if she would have done things differently had she known Chris and you were already dating for two months by the time rehearsals started and so steamy make out sessions were part of your daily routine anyway. Then again, you always had the feeling she very much knew about your relationship and was just playing her part. 

Nicole nudges you then, pulling you out of your memories, “It’s your cue, go!”

The producers thought it would be nice to have all of you go out to dinner after the first day back together, and so you find yourself at the Oak Barrel Tavern, sharing a table with Nicole, Johnny, Michael, Eric, and Chris, enjoying what everyone still considers to be the best burger in Sudbury. Funny how some things never change, you think, as you take a bite of your fries. 

Except for you and Michael, the rest of the table all graduated in the same year and are already two beers deep into a play-by-play of the many senior stunts they pulled. You watch Chris as he animatedly tells the story of how he, Johnny, and Eric toilet papered the principal’s house the night before graduation. Two cameras circle your table and you are certain some part of this story will make it to air, because it’s too good not to. Johnny tries to chime in, but instead keeps letting out these roaring laughs whenever he remembers another detail of that night and you can’t help but smile at the familiarity of it all. 

It’s strange, you think, how something as insignificant as performing a musical together made you form a bond with these people which even after nineteen years is still there. Sometimes you wonder if leaving Sudbury all those years ago really brought you the peace of mind you were looking for. Maybe you wouldn’t feel so restless now if you had just accepted that this would always be your hometown and this group of people would always be here. You realize then that there’s hardly been any catching up going on tonight and so you figure they must have all kept in touch in some way or another.

You and Eric get to talking then, during a lull in the conversation, and he easily admits that hadn’t it been for Chris he would have liked to asked you to go to Senior Prom with him, revealing that back then he had a  major crush on you. Your cheeks heat up at his confession and you can’t help but glance at Chris, who quickly adverts his eyes when you do. Turning back to Eric you try to make a joke about how he should have, because at least then you would have had a date, but the moment the words leave your mouth the awkward silence that follows makes you wish you hadn’t said anything.  

Chris throws you an angry look and Nicole just stares at you in disbelief, before coming to your rescue and telling everyone that it’s getting late and maybe it’s time to go home. 

You throw her what you hope is a grateful smile and get up, following the rest of the group outside, where the same crew that fitted you with your mic this morning is waiting for you and so you hand everything back to them like they asked you to

With a wave and a, “Goodnight everyone,” you head towards your car, not completely surprised when Nicole catches up with you.

“What the hell was that?”

“I-” you shake your head, “I don’t know. It came out before I knew it.”

“Well,” she says as she puts her hand on your shoulder and kisses your cheek, “we’ll discuss it over dinner tomorrow night.”

“Can’t wait,” you answer, a hint of sarcasm in your voice even though you are in fact looking forward to it. “See you tomorrow, Nic.” 

“Bye, babe,” she says as she opens her car door and lowers herself into her seat. You wait until she’s backed up out of her parking spot before you give her a little wave and continue on towards your car while you rummage through your purse to try and find the keys to your rental. You push the button needed to unlock the car and are about to open the door when you hear someone come up behind you. Of course. You let out a sigh, “I know what you’re gonna say-”

“You don’t,” he says, hands tucked into the pockets of his jeans and his foot kicking at the loose gravel near your tire. He looks up at you, his voice much softer when he says, “I can’t believe it’s been eighteen years, Ace.”

Hearing him use his old nickname for you sends a shiver down your spine and you hate how it brings back an onslaught of memories. You don’t say anything, just look at him, wondering where he’ll go with this. 

“Eighteen years is a long time.” He looks up at you, a sadness to his eyes that would make you a little weak in the knees had it not been for his next words, “Do you think that maybe it’s time to leave the past behind us? Maybe we could just start over?”

“We could just- Sorry, what?” You open your mouth to say more but find yourself at a momentary loss for words after what he’s suggested and so you stand there gaping like a stupid fish, which makes you even more angry. You shake your head and get in your car, “Goodnight, Chris.” 

The drive to your hotel only takes a couple of minutes, which means you’re still pretty upset when you get to your room. Your purse ends up being flung into a corner somewhere before you make your way to the minibar and grab all four of the miniature bottles of whiskey that are in there, taking them out onto the balcony with you. Downing the first makes your throat burn in not an entirely unpleasant way, although it does nothing to relieve you of your anger. 

Putting your feet up on the railing you lean back in your chair, head resting against the wall, and uncap the second tiny bottle. To hell with your good intentions of going to bed early, you think, knowing you won’t be able to sleep now anyway.

Today’s run to the theater room is almost a carbon copy of yesterday’s, down to the Starbucks cup in your hand because they didn’t replace the coffee maker in your room like they said they would and of course you forgot to check. The only difference is that you have a pounding headache and might just be a tad hungover. Oh well, there’s a first time for everything, you think as you make your way down to the stage once they've put your mic on.

Nicole eyes you suspiciously but doesn’t say anything, although you do see her glance in Chris’ direction not much later, the rest of the group just nodding and some of them mumbling a “Good morning,” to you. Chris keeps his distance, probably thinks you’re still mad at him, which, you know, you are. Sort of, anyway. It sounded so casual when he suggested leaving the past behind you, like none of what happened matters anymore. Then again, maybe it doesn’t. It’s all just very confusing and you guess that’s what annoys you most of all.

Adam steps onto the stage then and tells you his plans for today, wanting to go through the songs in order, with choreography, for now not bothering with the scenes in between. It’s the only thing you’ll do today, except for some wardrobe fittings after lunch, and so he warns you it’s going to be grueling and that you won’t get to stop until everyone’s at least ninety percent there. A few more people come on stage and are introduced as the extras, professional actors who will make up the ensemble and help with the choreography where needed. 

Your headache-induced bad mood helps you pull off ‘Look at Me, I’m Sandra Dee’ with an attitude your sixteen-year old self wishes she had and even ‘There Are Worse Things I Could Do’ goes as well as it could. But then ‘We Go Together’ has you paired up with Chris for the first time and it’s awkward, and stiff, and when Coy reminds you that Rizzo is no longer mad at Kenickie at this point, you just nod and try to put in some extra effort to make it seem like there’s nothing going on between you and Chris, wanting to get it over with. 

Coy doesn’t comment on it any further, but pulls you and Chris aside at the end of the day, when the rest of the group is dismissed after what Kelly, the choreographer, deems "A great day of work."

Both you and Chris are sitting on the edge of the stage, Coy standing in front of you, looking from one to the other and back, almost as if he’s studying you. He waves his hand around then, “What am I missing here?” 

You shrug and out of the corner of your eye you see Chris do the same. You can’t help but smile when you realize it’s still very much you two against the rest of the world, even now, even when you’re sort of fighting.  

“Fine,” Coy says with a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose, “you don’t have to tell me. I’m just sensing some history here that I hope won’t get in the way of your performance.” He looks up at you, “Don’t let this become about you two, ok? There are eight other people who deserve this to be a good show. So whatever it is, work it out.” And then, before you have a chance to respond, he walks away, muttering something that sounds like, “High school drama, man.”

Next to you, Chris sighs and looks at you, “Maybe he has a point.” 

“Hmm,” you shrug in a very non-committed kind of way. Your headache has reappeared, and you’re tired, and honestly, you just want to get back to your hotel room and take a quick nap.  

Chris seems unfazed by your attitude, like he always was, “We really should talk about it.” He jumps down from the stage, “Why don’t you come over? We could get some takeout and, I don’t know,-’

“Chris,” you scoff.

“You rather do this here?” He raises his eyebrows and nods towards the camera on your left, which, no doubt, is still rolling.

“I’d rather not do this at all right now,” you mutter quietly, although you know it’s not fair. A little louder then, “I’m having dinner with Nicole tonight, so-"

He just nods, “Fine,” even though his jaw sets in a way that tells you it’s anything but.

“Come in, come in!” Nicole steps aside to let you pass and tells you to walk straight ahead to the kitchen, where you are greeted by the rest of her family. Her husband introduces himself as Keith and tells you it’s great to finally meet you, before he points at the two little boys sitting at the table, “That’s Leo, and the other hooligan’s Robby.”

“I’m five!” Leo exclaims proudly, holding up four fingers.

You chuckle, “That’s awesome!” 

“The boys wanted you to sit in between them,” Nicole says from somewhere behind you, “hope you don’t mind?”

“Are you kidding me?” You wink at Robby, who looks at you expectantly, “Best seat in the house.” 

Dinner is spent catching up with Nicole, or trying to anyway, because Leo and Robby keep interrupting, wanting to tell you about anything and everything they deem important enough to share. Which, as it turns out, is a lot. After dessert, Nicole asks Keith to take the kids into the living room, because, as she puts it, “Mama needs some peace and quiet,” and so you find yourself, glass of wine in hand, on the back porch not much later. 

“You have a gorgeous family, Nic,” you tell her before you take a sip of your wine. “It’s really nice to finally get to meet them.” 

“Thank you.” A mischievous smile then, “So. You wanna tell me what’s going on between you and Evans?”

Never one to beat around the bush, you think and laugh, “Nothing’s going on, Nic.”

“Uhu,” is all she says in reply, folding her arms in front of her chest as she keeps looking at you, one eyebrow raised for good measure. 

You just shake your head but her looking at you like that makes you a little nervous and so, against better judgement you offer, “It’s complicated.”

“Uhu,”

“It is,” you reply, your voice suddenly an octave higher. You hesitate for a moment, but then you figure she knows most of it already anyway, and so you turn in your seat so you can face her, “You know I haven’t spoken to him since we broke up, Nic, and I don’t know it’s- It’s weird.”

She nods, encouraging you to go on.

You sigh and rub your temple, “Eighteen years is a long time, Nic.” 

“It is,” she agrees, “but maybe it’s time to bury the hatchet and at least try to be friends?” Her eyes grow kinder then, “You were always so good together.”

“I don’t know, I mean- And I know I keep saying this,” you hold up your hand when she starts to protest, “but it’s been such a long time. So much has happened. And none of it we went through together, you know? Does that even make sense?” You shrug and shake your head, “I guess our history together is both a blessing and a curse at this point.”

“You need to get out of your head, kid,” she offers with a stern look. “You’re setting this up for failure before it has even started.”

“This?” 

“Oh come on,” she shakes her head, “don’t tell me it never crossed your mind.” She sits up, “I’m going to ask you something and you need to swear on Bubbles’ life that you won’t give me some bullshit answer.” 

“Nicole,” you gasp, hand to your heart in pretend shock, but laughing at the same time. “You want me to swear on Mrs Linton’s dead goldfish? That’s fu-” but then you hear the french doors open and see two little boys running towards and so you have to adjust quickly and throw her a look for good measure, “-funny. Super funny. Funny haha. You’re funny.”

Nicole lets out a laugh and throws you a wink before she holds out her arms and smothers her two boys in kisses once they jump onto her lap, “Goodnight my little rebels, I love you.”

A chorus of “I love you, mama,” makes you smile and you watch the boys run back inside where they give you a quick wave from behind the door before they disappear upstairs. 

“So?” Nicole asks, as if nothing ever happened.

You glare at her, knowing she’ll never let it go, “Fine.” 

“Would you have come back to Sudbury to do this show if it weren’t for Chris?” 

You let your bottom lip roll between your teeth while you contemplate your reply, but of course you know the answer already. It wasn’t just for shits and giggles that you searched all the gossip sites for any information on his relationship status when you first agreed to do this. And so you shake your head, “No.” 

“You know I told Keith I wasn’t sure you’d even come back, right?” Nicole shakes her head, “After all you’ve been through after you and Chris- You know-”

“Yeah,”

“I still have all your letters,” she confesses with a smile. “Every single one of them.”

“Nic-”

“It was my way of keeping you close,” she says and shrugs. She tries to act as if it’s no big deal, but her voice catches on the last word and when she tries to smile it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. She clears her throat, “I’m just glad to have you back.”

They’ve replaced the coffee machine in your room while you were out yesterday and so there’s no running towards the theater room once you make it to Lincoln-Sudbury this morning. You walk through the hallways at a leisurely pace, enjoying how much everything still looks the same, down to the blue color of the lockers lining the wall. 

You’re actually a little early and so you’re one of the first to arrive, only finding Johnny and Michael on stage. Michael insists you give the secret handshake another go and you can’t help but laugh when you nail it on the first try this time. 

Johnny gently pats your back, “It’s really good to have you back, kid.” He runs a hand through his hair, letting it rest at the base of his neck and looking a little flustered, “We always wondered what happened to you, you know, after you and Chris broke up and you left Sudbury-” 

“Thanks, Johnny,” you reply with a smile, “that means a lot.” 

“But you’ve been good?” Michael asks.

You nod, “I am now. It’s good to be back.” 

The door opens then and you see Chris and Jessica walk in together, Jessica telling him something that makes him laugh and all of a sudden you feel a pang of jealousy that you’re not necessarily proud of. You try to get back into the conversation with Michael and Johnny, but they’re talking about last night’s football game and so you just stand there, trying your hardest not to stare as Chris and Jessica step onto the stage. Before it can get awkward though, the rest of the group walks in and so all of a sudden there are nine people surrounding you and your attention is diverted elsewhere. 

Nicole waves at you from the other side of the stage and you smile back at her, mouthing a, “Morning,” at her.

Coy, Adam, and Kelly walk in next, followed by the ensemble, and not much later you find yourself reciting your lines over and over again because Coy wants to do a complete runthrough of the show this afternoon to prepare for the two dress rehearsals planned for tomorrow.

You find Chris on the side of the stage in between scenes and stand beside him, not saying anything because you’re so nervous you don’t even trust your own voice right now. But, you promised Nicole you’d do this, promised her you would try to make things right, and so here you are, reaching for his hand, your finger’s brushing against his skin before you gently tap the inside of his wrist four times. Tap-tap-tap-tap.

Meet me after practice

It’s been nineteen years since either of you last used this shorthand, but he must remember what it means because he nods in reply. 

You wait for him in what used to be your usual spot, all the way in the back of the parking lot where there’s a bench tucked away in the tree line. It’s been a while since you were dismissed by Coy and you worry he might not show up making your stomach turn. 

Letting your eyes fall to the ground you distract yourself by trying to get your breathing under control, hoping it will help you calm your nerves. When you look up again you can’t help but smile, because there he is, walking towards you and looking just as nervous as you feel, “Hi,”

“Hey,”

“Listen, Chris-” you start, just as he says something that you don’t quite catch. He nods for you to go first and so you clear your throat and start again, “You were right. We should talk-”

“Come again?” He grins, “Did you just tell me I’m right, Ace?” 

You stare at him, shaking your head, but there’s a smile playing on your lips because this is the best response you could have gotten and so you shrug, “I guess I did.” 

“I guess you did,” he echoes. A little more serious then, “What do you have in mind?”

“I don’t know,” you reply, because honestly you didn’t think this far ahead, “maybe grab a bite to eat somewhere?”

He smiles apologetically, “I have somewhere I need to be tonight, but why don’t we do this tomorrow? That way we can both think things over a little and-”

“I’d like that,” you admit easily. 

“You want to come over to my place or should I book a table somewhere?”

Biting your lip you weigh the pros and cons, quickly realizing you much rather have this conversation in the privacy of his home than somewhere in a restaurant and so you nod, “I’ll come over.” You give him your phone number and watch as he saves it in his phone, smiling when he puts you in as ‘Ace’.

He pockets his phone when he’s done, “So, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow morning?”

“Yeah,” you nod. It’s a little awkward then and so you turn around, a quick wave over your shoulder to tell him goodbye.

You hear your name being called from somewhere behind you when you walk from your car to the entrance of the school and can’t help but smile when you see Nicole hurry to catch up with you. You kiss her cheek once she joins you, “Morning.” 

“Hi, gorgeous,” she beams back, “you excited about today or what?”

“Dress rehearsal?” You shrug, “Yeah, I guess.” 

“Uhu,” 

You raise your eyebrows and look at her as you push the double door leading into the building open, unsure if she’s saying what you think she’s saying. You shake your head when she starts laughing, “How do you even know?”

“I didn’t,” she holds up her hands to let you know she’s telling the truth, “but I saw you in the parking lot together after practice yesterday and I just figured, you know, maybe you kept your word about wanting to work things out with him. And then you totally gave it away just now, so-”

“I hate you,” you mutter quietly as you pick up your pace.

“You love me,” she counters, easily catching up with you. “And you’re going to tell me exactly what you’ve got planned for tonight.” 

Like he promised, Coy wants you to run through the entire show at least twice today, choreography, outfits changes and all, and so you take your place, not particularly looking forward to all the dancing. The first half of the show goes as well as it could, although Johnny keeps forgetting his lines, and Jessica takes too long whenever she has to do an outfit change, and ok, fine, you mess up the choreography more than you care to admit too. 

When you finally get to the part right before intermission, where you and Chris have to make out for at least two minutes, Nicole is quick to inform Coy that you never rehearsed that scene when you first performed the show, and wouldn’t it be great if you didn’t do it this time around either? Coy seems interested as to why and so Nicole gives him an abridged version, and to your surprise he quickly agrees to skip the scene until the show tomorrow, because, as he reasons, it will add some drama. 

A quick glance at Chris earns you a wink from him and you know he’s probably just as relieved as you are. 

You find Nicole in the dressing room not much later, where she’s getting fitted for her Frenchy wig and when you walk up to her all you say is, “Thank you.”

She nods in response, “Of course.”

At the end of the day you’ve run through the show almost three times and Coy seems somewhat confident that you’ll manage to pull it off tomorrow. He has some kind words for everyone and tells you all to get a good night’s sleep and to meet back again here tomorrow afternoon at five, for a last dinner together. 

Chris texts you his address after practice and tells you he’ll have dinner ready around seven, with a smiley face at the end that lets you know he’s just as nervous about this as you are. It’s funny how easily you can still read him after all these years, you think, as you connect your phone to its charger before you hop in the shower. 

Your outfit of choice is simple and not too dressed up, but still nice enough for whatever this is. Definitely not a date, you think, but then again, maybe it is. You grab your phone and purse before you head out, nerves suddenly taking over and for a moment you wonder if you should just cancel. You’re going back to Philadelphia on Sunday anyway, so maybe it’s better to just leave things the way they are, you reason. You give yourself a very stern talking to then, because you can’t keep running away from this. You’ve been doing that for the past eighteen years and look where that’s gotten you. No, time to get some closure, you decide as you close your hotel room door behind you and head downstairs to your car.

You pull up to a heavy iron gate about fifteen minutes later, only the roof of his house visible from the road. Pushing the call button you tap your steering wheel to the beat of the song that’s playing on the radio until he answers with a kind, “Hi.”

“Hey,” you reply with a smile and watch as the gate opens in front of you. After about half a mile the house comes into full view and you let out a quiet, “Wow,” because it really is a beautiful farmhouse. You park your car next to his not much later and just as you step outside his front door opens and a dog comes running towards you. 

“Dodger, sit,” Chris says from where he’s standing on the front porch and the dog does as it's told.

“Hi cutie,” you say as you walk up to the dog and scratch behind its ears, “hi.” It gives you a moment to take a deep breath, because you’re so nervous it feels like there are hundreds of butterflies fluttering around in your stomach right now. 

Dodger runs back to Chris then and so you follow him, meeting Chris on the steps, where he holds out his arm and pulls you in for a side hug, pressing a kiss to your temple. 

“Chris,” you protest quietly, although you don’t really want him to let go either. 

“I know,” he whispers, “I know. I’m just glad you’re here.” He lets go then and motions for you to follow him inside. He leads you through the house to the kitchen, where the opened French doors reveal a large deck where a table has been set for two. 

“Come on,” he says and walks outside where he pulls out a chair for you, “sit down. I’ll be right back.” 

You watch him walk back into the kitchen, curious to find out what he’s up to but then Dodger sits down next to you and gently puts his paw on your knee to let you know he’d like some more scratches, thank you very much and so you don’t really see Chris come back with two glasses of champagne until he puts one down in front of you. 

He sits down on the opposite side of the table before he raises his glass and smiles, “It’s good to have you back.” 

“Yeah,” you reply, before you clink your glass against his and take a sip. 

Dinner’s a little awkward, both of you not quite ready to stray away from the small talk and so you mostly just tell him what you’ve been up to these past eighteen years, albeit it a slightly abridged version. No need to tell him about how you’ve never really seemed to have been able to find your place in the world and still feel like an outsider everywhere you go just yet. 

He tells you about his career, how much everything has changed once he agreed to play Captain America, and how he secretly would like to do more behind the camera from now on. Maybe step away from the spotlight a little because he still gets these bouts of anxiety and your heart goes out to him because you remember how much he struggled in high school. 

To lighten the mood you tease him about doing this show because it seems so small in comparison to what he’s been doing, but he assures you he never even had to think about it when they asked him to take part. 

“I’m guessing you were a little more hesitant?” 

You nod, “I was.” 

He doesn’t push it any further and you’re grateful for that. 

You offer to help him clear the plates after he suggests to maybe move things inside because it’s getting colder. It takes two trips to the kitchen to clear the table and once again you compliment him on the amazing pasta dish he tells you he made from scratch. You believe him, only because you know his mother taught him well and you fondly remember her cooking. 

He tells you to make yourself at home while he clears away the last things and so you find yourself in his living room, smiling when you see the wall filled with family pictures. Most of them are recent, but there’s one of him and his brother Scott that you know for a fact was taken at his parents’ house right before Chris’ Senior prom. You know this because you were the one that took it. And because you were his date.

“That was a good night,” 

You look over your shoulder to see him walk towards you, holding a glass of whiskey in each hand, and can’t help but smile, “It was.” 

He hands you one of the glasses and touches it with his then, “To all the good memories.”

“Chris-” 

“I know,” he says, “but it wasn’t all bad, Ace.” 

“No, it wasn’t,” you agree easily. “It was good, Chris, right up until the very end.” 

“Yeah, about that-” He clears his throat before he speaks again, “I just want you to know that I’m sorry. For everything.” 

You want to tell him that it’s ok, that it was no big deal, that maybe you overreacted at the time, but you guess you both know that’s not true and so you just say, “Thank you.” 

He nods.

You take a sip of your drink then, relishing in the way it burns your throat, as a welcome distraction to the tears that have started to form in your eyes. You let your gaze drift back to the same picture when you say, “I wish you would have just told me.”

He lowers his head, “I know.”

“That’s what hurt me the most,” you swallow back a fresh set of tears. “Because it wasn’t so much that you couldn’t make it to my Senior prom, I mean, I understood working on your first movie was more important at the time but- To find out you were at some random B-list celebrity’s party- And not because you told me, but because someone shoved a magazine with your picture in it under my nose-” you shake your head trying to rid yourself of the memories, but failing -”draped over some girl.” You lift your glass and put it to your lips, fully intending to finish whatever’s left in one go. 

He starts to say something but you hold up one finger to let him know you’re not done yet. A tear rolls down your cheek and you’re not sure if it’s because of the whiskey or because of everything else, but it doesn’t really matter anyway. There’s something you have to admit, “Maybe I should have reacted differently, or at least given you a chance to explain, but I-” a sob escapes you then, “I was so angry. So hurt. For me breaking up right then and there was the only thing that made sense.” Another tear spills over but you don’t even try to wipe it away, knowing more will follow soon. Instead you let out a humourless laugh, “But then suddenly every single thing in Sudbury reminded me of you and every memory was like a knife to the heart, and so I had to- I just had to leave.” 

He nods and from the corner of your eye you see him run a hand through his hair. 

“Turns out it hurt all the same no matter where I was,” you continue softly, “but it took me years to figure that out.” You clear your throat, trying to find the right words. Yes, it still hurts, but maybe it’s time to let the past be the past. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry too, Chris. I should have-”

“Don’t,” he says, his voice kind. “There are a lot of things we both could have done differently, but we were still so young and, I don’t know, I think we both did what we thought was best. We can’t change what happened,” he turns towards you, “and I don’t want to make excuses for what I did, because,” he clears his throat, “it would be far too little, far too late.” He lowers his eyes, “All I know is that it’s been eighteen years and there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of you.”

“Chris-”

He looks back up at you and smiles, “It’s my turn now, Ace.” A hand on your arm then, his touch soft and a gentle squeeze to let you know what he’s going to say next is important, “I know there’s still a lot left unsaid, but we’ll get there, eventually. And this might sound crazy, and I’m not saying we should forget what happened but, I don’t know, maybe we could try to start over and just see where it leads us. What do we have to lose?” 

You let the weight of his words sink in, wondering if you are able to just forgive and forget this easily. It’s then you remember admitting to Nicole that you wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Chris and the possibility to get some closure and so you agree with a quiet, “I’d like that.” 

He seems a little unsure of himself then, so you put down your glass and take his hands in yours, draping them over your shoulders before you wrap your arms around his waist. He holds you tight, presses a soft kiss to your temple that feels maybe like the most intimate thing he’s ever done, and quietly whispers, “I’ve missed you, Ace.”

He offers you his guest bedroom after another round of whiskey and some smalltalk, because somehow you’re both still hesitant to open up completely. It’s ok, you tell yourself, you’ll get there eventually and there’s no need to rush. You find yourself in the ensuite bathroom not much later, putting on one of his Patriots shirts to act as your pyjamas for the night. It’s all a bit surreal and you’re grateful you’re on the opposite side of the house, because it would be too weird otherwise, even though you know that doesn’t really make sense either. 

Sleep comes surprisingly easy once you’re under the covers and so the next thing you know there’s a knock on your door and for a moment you’re confused because this isn’t your hotel room. You hear his familiar chuckle on the other side then before he lets you know breakfast is ready if you’re up for it and it’s then you remember where you are. 

You take a quick shower before you make your way to the kitchen where you find him leaning against the counter top, enjoying a cup of coffee, Dodger at his feet. He pushes a full cup towards you and smiles at you from over his, “Morning.”

“Morning,” 

“Sleep well?”

“I did, yeah,” you admit, even though it still surprises you. You pick up the steaming hot cup and wrap your hands around it, the smell of freshly brewed coffee waking you up even more.

He motions to the kitchen island where there’s a plate of pastries, “I got you some Danish,” he almost looks embarrassed then, running a hand through his hair, “you used to like those, right?”

“I did.” You’re quick to correct yourself, “I do. Thank you.” 

“You got any plans for today?” 

You shrug, “Not really, maybe drive around a bit to do some sightseeing, you know, see how much has changed over the years.” You grab a pastry then and immediately Dodger’s attention shifts from Chris to you. 

“No,” Chris warns him and Dodger’s quick to lie down again. “Good boy.” He looks back at you, “Until when are you here?”

You’ve just taken a bite and so it takes a while before you answer, “I’m flying back on Sunday.”

“To?”

“To Philadelphia.”

He nods appreciatively, “That’s not too far.”

You spend a few hours driving around the area, thankful that he didn’t ask if he could come. You guess you both needed some time alone. 

The trip down memory lane is nice, but after a few stops you don’t really know where else to go and so you drive back to your hotel, where you have a few hours left until you need to get ready. You kick off your shoes once you’re inside your room and sit down on the tiny balcony before you fish your phone out of your back pocket and call Nicole, who picks up on the first ring. 

“Tell me everything!” 

“Hi Nicole, how are you,” you mock, but can’t help but laugh. “Lovely weather today, isn’t it? Are you excited for tonight?”

“I hate you,” 

“No, you don’t.”

“No, I don’t,” she agrees, “but you better start talking, babe, or else.”

And so you do. You tell her about dinner, about the talk you and Chris had after, about how you spent the night, laughing when you hear her curse quietly after you’ve told her nothing happened, and how you and Chris agreed to start over. 

“Oh honey,” is all she says, but you know exactly what she means.

[ahalal-uralma]

As you so kindly, enthusiastically, and thoroughly answered my previous ask on film recommendations, expressing your thoughts and feelings on each one, I thought I'd send you some more suggestions for you to look through at your leisure...

Again, these span different genres and eras, and are all favourites of mine too... : )

- The Apartment (1960)

- Beauty and the Beast (1978)

- Branded to Kill (1967)

- The Cremator (1969)

- Dead of Night (1945)

- Delicatessen (1991)

- The Firemen's Ball (1967)

- The Haunting (1963)

- L'Immortelle (1963)

- The Iron Rose (1973)

- Kind Hearts and Coronets (1949)

- Naked (1993)

- Repo Man (1984)

- Seconds (1966)

- Solyaris (1972)

- The Trial (1962)

- Vampyr (1932)

- The Vanishing (1988)

- The Wicker Man (1973)

- A Zed and Two Noughts (1985)

The Apartment (1960)

Yes! I am weak for any film with Jack Lemmon in it. I also really love him in "Some like it Hot," "Grumpy Old Men," "The Front Page," "The Odd Couple," etc. He was a gift to the earth. If you asked me for my top ten male film actors of all time, he definitely must be on that list.

Beauty and The Beast (1978)

Ok, I need to see it. I didn’t know this version even existed! I’ve seen so many like the 1946 release and the more recent French 2014 release of Belle et la Bete (I have watched both the English and French Dubs), but I have not seen this one! I need to remedy this and just looking at screencaps is blowing my mind. He’s a bird? Interesting, I wonder why they went with that choice. 

Branded To Kill (1967)

I have never seen this film. I have no opinion swaying in favor or against it. I might give it a shot one day out of curiosity. I really love how they shot the monochrome style of it. I am in love with that, actually.

The Cremator (1969)

I have not seen this, but looking between screencaps and the synopsis my thoughts are surfing around the film Harold and Maude (1971) if it was told in the style of Alfred Hitchcock. Am I thinking wrong here? 

Dead Of Night (1945)

Oh, God. Another film I remember watching with my father--that ventriloquist dummy. I still do not understand the obsession with those, but to each their own really. Definitely do not recommend it if they freak you out, because it’ll definitely freak someone out. 

Delicatessen (1991)

I am not familiar with this film, but screencaps tells me I want to keep it that way. I do not care for the imagery of the food. Or the suggestion of things I shall not begin to give name to. It seems a little too macabre for my liking...which is really saying something when I enjoy the Hannibal franchise. Or does it just mean I am contradicting myself? Fine. I am contradicting myself. 

The Firemen's Ball (1967)

Eh. Just Eh. 

The Haunting (1963)

I haven’t seen the original yet. I have only seen the 1999 remake with Owen Wilson, Catherine Zeta Jones, etc. It doesn’t really hold up well with the special effects, but it is still quite entertaining with beautiful sets. I swear I still have dreams about the carousel room. I have some really fond memories of watching this adaptation with my mom. No matter how many times we’ve watched the piano scene, we gasp. Seeing people lose their heads? Fine. Seeing a person lose their eye? No.

L'Immortelle (1963)

This movie feels like a bit of a fever dream for me. I’ve watched it once, but I can’t even remember under what circumstances or with who that would have been. I mean, they are trying to resolve the kidnapping of prostitutes. But damn, the lingerie was beautiful in this movie. I want it.

The Iron Rose (1973)

I can’t say I’ve seen this, but it looks interesting. I feel like I should have more familiarity with it since the title resonates. I have probably seen or shared a post about it before without fully knowing it was a film, I mean....it involves a beautiful cemetery and I’m kind of a weakling for cemeteries. It might sound a little odd, but I find them to be magical places. Not in the same way a castle or fairy woodland would be, but in a solemn and haunted way. It’s a place humans have chosen to preserve memories and protect them.

Kind Hearts and Coronets (1949)

I feel like I’m missing out on an important film. I really love the promotional posters and stills. This looks so gorgeous to me. I mean, this one for example. Reminds me of vintage victorian postcards a little:

Naked (1993)

It has David Thewlis?! I need to watch it just for him. Really. No other reason needed. That’s plenty reason. He can never be present enough in films if you want my two cents. He’s a gem. Kingdom of Heaven? Dragon heart? He will be forever one of my favorite fantasy film villains. He goes from perfect gentleman to the biggest bastard and I just love him. Talented man. He’s like one of those actor crushes that you get not for his looks, but for his mind and energy.

Also, who hasn’t gone feral watching him in a sword fight? He could kill me and I would thank.

Repo Man (1984)

Closest thing to seeing this film is the farthest with Repo! The Genetic Opera (2008). I have no idea about this, but know they are nothing alike.

God, now I’m wanting to watch the Genetic Opera again. I love everything..especially, the music. I have so many emotions about that movie. It has Sarah Brightman (goddess) and strangely somehow, Paris Hilton is there and she didn’t ruin the experience? She makes sense to the plot? Talk about a fever dream.

And then, we have Terrance Zdunich as Grave-Robber. In an alternate universe where I am single, he can honestly rail me in the cemetery so hard that I ricochet between the coffins till I’m singing about how he’s going to sedate my enemies before their surgery but I did not say that and you can’t prove it.

Seconds (1966)

I feel like I’ve seen this or part of this? I do not remember how it ends, but remember part of the plot. I remember the man returning from his faked death with a new identity or something like that.

Solyaris (1972)

I am familiar with Tarkovsky’s other works like Nostalgia and Andrei Rublev, but not this one. Not yet.

The Trial (1962)

Yes! Know this one. This is a mystery flick for deep thinkers for sure. Plot aside, those scenes and sets really do something to you. Everything is so intense in that “life is occurring in surreal and disturbing cycles” kind of way. It does great service to the writing of Franz Kafka without any doubt. It looks how I imagine the interior of his mind would have been like.

Vampyr (1932)

Love it. Well, I love any good cinema involving the mythos of vampires in general and all the more if they appear in black and white. Nosferatu (1922)? Dracula (1931)? *chefs kiss* Masterpieces.

The Vanishing (1988)

I haven’t seen this and I can’t say it speaks to me on any level. It just isn’t sparking my curiosity or anything.

The Wicker Man (1973)

Ah. The classic film Midsommar wish it was.

A Zed And Two Noughts (1973)

I have never heard of this movie, let alone seen it. But, can we just take a moment to appreciate the wild ride that is the start of the synopsis?

“Identical twins lose their wives in a car crash caused by a white swan. Both brothers are zoologists and become obsessed with the death and decay of animals.”

What in the absolute hell is this movie and how much will I regret investigating the plot?

All in all, I have to give you props for stumping me on some of these titles. There’s a good mix of classics in here that I know, but I feel like I just dissociated from a by-gone era (or two) hearing about the others.

[twobitmulder]

When did Storm Shadow Become a Villain?

There is a scene in GI Joe Resolute where Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow are having their obligatory Ninja Battle and (Spoilers I Guess) Storm Shadow reveals that he orchestrated his uncle, The Hard Master’s, death and that he fully meant to kill Snake Eyes as well, out of jealousy and because his uncle would not teach him the final secret to killing a man in seven steps, fearing that young Storm Shadow was too volatile and violent. Towards the end of the battle Storm Shadows wrist bands come off, revealing his Arashikage tattoo on one arm and a Cobra Sigil on the other.

This version of Storm Shadow (Voiced by “every Beagle Boy on Ducktales” Eric Bauza) stands out amongst his post-2000 incarnations as an unrepentant psychopath, but still falls in line with the prominent view of Storm Shadow as a villain--one of the main villains with a special hatred for his GI Joe counterpart.

This is the version I grew up with. GI Joe vs Cobra through Sigma 6 were the prominent Joe adaptations when I was the target demographic and all throughout Storm Shadow was a bad guy to varying degrees. 

I knew in the classic Hama stuff he eventually defected, but I was not prepared for just how much he’s a heroic character from the start. There’s no big sword dual with Snake Eyes, no Anakin and Obi Wan style “friend turned bitter enemy” dynamic. It’s made clear from jump that Tommy is undercover in Cobra and remains an honorable man in search of justice. He leaves Cobra quickly and is branded as a Joe in all his figures until 2000--when they started packing their characters in two-packs with one Joe and one Cobra. In all appearances, Storm Shadow is more a Joe than a Cobra. So what led to the the modern view of Storm Shadow as a bad guy, who, even when he gets his redemption, still has a mean streak and a cruel manner? How did a character in a toy driven franchise who had more toys as a hero than a villain end up as one of the franchise’s most consistent villains?

*(For simplicity’s sake, this is only going to cover film and television portrayals of the character).

*Spoilers for pretty much every GI Joe adaptation to follow.

The first portrayal of Storm Shadow as Cobra Commander’s loyal and competent hatchet man (one of the few) is not too much older than Hama’s original Marvel version. The Sunbow version of Storm Shadow (voiced by “guy you’ve heard in everything” Keone Young) remained a loyal cobra agent--with none of the Hama version’s depth. 

He had what you might call “standard cartoon Ninja honor” where he clearly had some kind of code of ethics, but was primarily an arrogant killer (as much as he could be in a cartoon) who fought primarily with Spirit and Quick Kick (voiced by wonderfully talented “guy you’ve seen in everything” Francois Chau) as Snake Eyes was largely shunted to the side in the cartoon. The echoes of Sunbow Storm Shadow can be seen in pretty much every non-comic adaptation that followed.

Skipping right over the Dic continuation of the Sunbow cartoon because Storm Shadow actually is a Joe in that, as he was in the comics and figures of the time (and because I haven’t seen it) we come to the 2000′s era.

The Spy Troops and Valor vs. Venom DTV movies had a Storm Shadow (voiced by “guy who got his blood ripped out by Magneto in X2: X-Men United” Ty Olsson) who was essentially his Sunbow self with one major change. He actually had a history with Snake Eyes, and a bitter rivalry. The details are not gone into in either film (you get a little more in the figure file cards and mini-comics of the era) but Storm Shadow accuses Snake Eyes of betraying the Arashikage. The implication being that either Storm Shadow blames Snake Eyes for some crime or another or that there was a schism in clan. 

The File cards of the time movie go from acknowledging Storm Shadow’s time as a Joe, and claiming he’s working with Cobra again for unknown reasons, to establishing their own canon that Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow were once best friends and “Sword Brothers” before Storm Shadow fell to the dark side and joined Cobra. Though Storm Shadow’s file card does end with the ominous implication that he’s got his own agenda in working with Cobra (just like his Hama incarnation) the DTV films imply that he’s a Cobra loyalist in addition to his feud with Snake Eyes.

Spy Troops and Valor vs. Venom lead in a semi-canonical way to GI Joe Sigma 6 where Storm Shadow (voiced by “guy whose only other role I recognize is pulling double duty as Zeke Stane and Living Laser in the Iron Man 3 videogame” Tom Wayland) more or less continues the previous two iterations’ version of Storm Shadow. He once again accuses Snake Eyes of some great betrayal that broke their friendship. The GI Joe website at the time includes the detail that Storm Shadow was infiltrating Cobra when he was brainwashed into becoming a loyal Cobra agent. It’s another concession, like his 2001 file card, to Hama’s heroic double agent, while still portraying him in line with Sunbow’s villainous henchman. 

GI Joe Resolute comes next, where we see a departure from any pretense of Storm Shadow being a good guy. Resolute, in many ways, comes off as a gritty direct continuation of the Sunbow series, and it takes Sunbow’s villainous Storm Shadow and strips him of even the token bits of honor and humanity he had. It also, as near as I can tell, begins the trend of Storm Shadow outright resenting Snake Eyes, rather than being his one time friend.

As an irrelevant aside, I have my problems with Resolute but I do love everyone’s character designs and Eric Bauza does a fantastic job as one fourth of the cast. His Sean Connery impression for Destro is particularly inspired.

This brings us to the big ones. GI Joe: RIse of Cobra and GI Joe: Retaliation where Storm Shadow is brought to the big screen by Lee Byung-Hun (who I don’t have a snarky/informative aside for because shamefully despite how prolific he is I’ve only seen him in these movies and The Magnificent 7 remake) and as a child by Brandon Soo Hoo (he’s also been in a lot of stuff, but I particularly liked his turn as Beast Boy in the animated New 52 DC movies).

Lee’s Storm Shadow in the first film falls in line with his portrayals up to this point, probably skewing most closely towards Sunbow. He has a code of ethics (he doesn’t kill women apparently) but he’s still a bad guy and he seems to quite like it. Lee brings a charm to the character that had not really existed up until that point. He also spends a lot of time maskless (and it’s hard to blame the production team for that one, he’s a very handsome dude) which was a shock for anyone who grew up with the 2001 era storm shadow where the thought of him without a mask was so insane that it was relegated to a mail in figure (As a kid I seriously thought he had some Mandalorian style code of not removing it)

His origin in this version takes bits of Hama and bits of Resolute (or Resolute took from this, Resolute came out first but this might have been in development). It is, as far as I can tell, the first version to have Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes train together as children and it portrays Storm Shadow, even as a child, as an arrogant and jealous person.

Now, at least in my opinion, it’s fairly obvious that the first movie fully intended Storm Shadow to be a baddie, full stop. There’s a little wiggle room given that we never see him stab The Hard Master in the flashback (the Hard Master in this version is Storm Shadow’s father rather than his uncle) but the way he taunts Snake Eyes about it during their final confrontation makes a pretty compelling case for his having committed patricide.

The sequel would bring back elements of the Hama backstory. Zartan killed The Hard Master and Storm Shadow had to infiltrate Cobra to discover that. Given Cobra Commander and Storm Shadow are of roughly the same age (Storm Shadow being a bit older I think) and this event occurred when they were both children it’s unclear on who’s orders Zartan did this but we do know it was done to turn the already volatile young man into the perfect angry ninja assassin (given this canon is pretty much over we’ll probably never know for sure, but my guess based on the IDW movie universe comics is that Zartan either did it at the behest of the Red Ninja Clan or just to have a tiny assassin of his own, probably the former since they seem to regard each other as unpleasant colleagues who sometimes work together).

What I particularly like about this version is that, because the first movie portrayed him as this charmingly sadistic Bond Villain henchman, even after he switches sides in the sequel he’s still kind of a belligerent dick. It’s a fun piece of characterization that even once he’s cleared his name, avenged his father, and made his peace with his family, it doesn’t change the fundamental fact that he’s not a very nice person.

This is something that would persist into the next (and for the moment last, but more on that later) onscreen version of Storm Shadow.

GI Joe Renegades (the best GI Joe Cartoon, fight me) saw Storm Shadow (voiced by “holy crap this guy originated the role of Saw Gerrera in Clone Wars” Andrew Kishino) as the leader of the Arashikage Clan (explicitly a crime syndicate, harkening back to implications in Hama’s version) who operates independent of Cobra except very briefly and only to fulfill his own ends (again bringing him closer to Hama’s version than any of his predecessors). Falling in line with the implications of the movie and Resolute, he and Snake Eyes were uneasy classmates more than friends and trained together as teenagers. An attempt to kill Snake Eyes went awry and resulted in the death of the Hard Master (who again, seemed to favor Snake Eyes over his own nephew). Storm Shadow believes Snake Eyes to have killed The Hard Master(somehow failing to connect the dots given his own murder plan failed the same night Snake Eyes allegedly murdered his uncle--or hell he’s probably just in denial until the truth slaps him in the face). 

Also, irrelevant aside number 2, in contrast with Resolute I really don’t like this character design. Renegades had pretty good character design all around, neatly bringing together various versions in a way that felt coherent but I don’t like the little tufts of hair sticking out of the mask or the way it kinda hangs in front of his mouth. Is he hiding his face or not? It seems like he’s not so much wearing a mask as a bandana and an oversized turtleneck.

This version neatly ties together the “Snake Eyes betrayed us” of the early 2000′s, the “arrogant unfavorite” of the mid 2000s and the “out for justice assassin” of Hama’s run. He is, again, an arrogant prick from the start, but his genuine shame and resolve to abandon his quest for vengeance and his extremely short partnership with Cobra make his eventual redemption (or the start of what you assume would have been a longer redemption arc had the series continued) more believable than the live action movies--if a mite less fun.

And that’s where it ends, at least until the much delayed Snake Eyes live action movie is finally released, where Storm Shadow is set to be played by “guy from the best episode of American Gods Season 2″ Andrew Koji. I quite like the look of the cast of this movie, and I’m excited to see what Koji brings to the role. Will Storm Shadow be arrogant, murderous, honorable, charming, brooding, misunderstood, cruel, vengeful...some impossible combination of all of the above? We’ll have to wait and see.

*Including the various alternate comic book versions probably would have painted a more complete picture, but I’ve only read Hama’s run and the IDW reboot (where Storm Shadow is kind of a non-entity), besides this was more about tracing Storm Shadow through the adaptations I watched as a kid.

*None of the adaptations seem to go with Hama’s original detail that Storm Shadow and Jinx were from Northern California. On the one hand I see why you transplant them to Japan with the rest of their family (it’s a globetrotting element and makes the cast more cosmopolitan) but I always liked the idea of that they were children of immigrants.

*Adaptations have been touch and go about casting Japanese actors in the role but I was impressed to find out that Sunbow cast Japanese Americans as both Storm Shadow and Jinx, making them probably the most faithful casting in relation to their original backstories.

*Apologies for my complete inability to get screenshots of roughly the same size or resolution.