#i miss 2013 tumblr constantly

[starrycove]

once again crawling back to tumblr for safe haven

[thestalkerbunny]

So truly as his song proclaimed, on one sunny day (A heat index of literally 97 degrees and climbing) I once again met with our old friend Bill Cipher by purchasing The Book of Bill.

And I gotta say.

It was like a WAVE of nostalgia.

I had forgotten how GOOD and WITTY Gravity falls had been. Not to mention the book in itself is SMART. We as a community were ENTHRALLED with the evil tortilla chip-an absurd thing to vote Tumblr's most sexy man 2013-and the book knew that and was like 'here is more of the chip man.' Like obviously there's codes and treats and what have youse for the smarter folks. But just the energy of the whole book, the fake ADS, the amazing design work, the missing pages, GATSBY, the LORE Bill gives that fills in so many blanks for us while callously poking more holes with a pencil at the same time. You read it perpetually bouncing back and forth questioning how reliable a narrator Bill is and more importantly, how much of it do you REALLY want to believe in?

It's a narrative that explores Bill as a person-at least how Bill Perceives it and with missing journal pages from Ford, how FORD perceived Bill.

The whole book in itself is a BREAK UP story, between a Man and the Monster who he unknowingly let into his life. A monster that pushes him to the brink, that makes the possession trope EXCITING AND NEW to me as he is horribly aware and actively communicating with the monster who is actively threatening his very LIFE if not given obedience and compliance. And it's not one sided yelling into the void convos-they can actually communicate and it makes the disregard so much more terrifying. It both makes you empathize with our favorite villain while not cheapening it so much to redeem him.

Reading this book validates the mania we see Ford with when we get the flash back episode of the Portal Incident. The sick sort of Paranoia that he's developed because every waking moment of his life has been ruined by someone he let in, trusted and opened up to.

The Book of Bill doesn't pull punches. There are parts in this book that go from 'comical horror' that jacks it up to 'Jesus fucking christ'

The Book of Bill does what the original show was not allowed to do-which is go further with how DAMAGING a relationship Ford had with Bill. How it was an addiction, feeding off each other. Ford in finally having someone who could in essence-REFLECT his own intellect back at him and Bill, a creature that demanded an audience to be witnessed by constantly.

Regardless, this was a FASINATING read. 110/10 totally work the trip in the 97 degree heat I made to 3 towns over JUST to get the Barnes and Noble EXCLUSIVE Copy that will now sit very proudly on my shelf. Go Buy it, Go Read it, It is WORTH it.

[louisisalarrie]

ALRIGHT SO I was reminded of this today by a lovely mutual when we were discussing the crazy times of early larry. This… well… this was a great time to be in the fandom. It was chaos. I’ll link the original post I found of this back on my blog from 2013 as well, but I want to add my commentary throughout this post just to explain to all you newer larries what the HELL happened here (and that original post is missing one VERY important picture…)

So… if you think we are excellent detectives now, back then we were constantly finding things because there were so many things happening. The boys and their mothers used Twitter as a place to openly chat and talk shit and Jay and Anne were always tweeting each other about larry and everything… but, these tweets were still in the public eye. It just was a different time, and larrry content was still high on Twitter.

However, there were many more platforms available that the boys could use without being directly in the fandom’s eye. This included Pinterest / Blogspot.

Now, we only ever found Harry’s, and we searched for the other boys ones but couldn’t find anything and I doubt they had them. It was very on brand for Harry to have a Pinterest, so, let’s have a little look, shall we?

I screenshotted the first picture below today. This is Harry’s blogger account. This is still up, although the account hasn’t been active since 2013.

The below photo is from the original post about this whole Pinterest thing. We all clicked on it. It was verified and I saw it with my own eyes. It’s not photoshopped

So anyway, let’s start with his blog before we jump into Pinterest. His blog is adorable! There are more articles than just the one below (screenshot taken today, the link to this blog is here)

So anyway, back in the day, he really didn’t receive many comments or anything. It was a pretty quiet little blog, that sadly, didn’t last that long.

So let’s have a squiz at his Pinterest, shall we?

It was lovely to find his Pinterest. Seeing all the things that he liked, that sparked joy for him… it was truly lovely and such a cool way to connect to our boy. Obviously, by the follower count, it was a little more well known when this screenshot above was taken. However… the earlier screenshots from his Pinterest were a… a time to be alive. When we first found it, we went through his boards, and some photos he’d uploaded and pinned. Have a look…

And so… we were all kind of like okay. Wow. What if this is really him? But…. There’s nothing proving it’s him. And then, we got this photo (which I never see floating around anymore, and we hadn’t seen it prior to this). AHEM WHAT IS THIS SIR THIS WAS TRULY WILD

We lost our minds. There was so much stuff on his profile, a picture of a curly haired kid in suspenders, a lot of pride and larry and Louis stuff in a folder called “be happy”, but alas, the mobile app will only let me post 10 pics. But, there was also this little cheeky dig at you know who, which I loooooove

And oh!!! Remember louis’ black tie 21st that Harry threw??? THIS was one of his boards before Louis had turned 21. There was no way a fan guessed he’d be having a black tie 21st.

BUT everything Louis related, whether it be his 21st or that chihuahua or the photo of them together, got deleted soon after we found it. Obviously we freaked out, tumblr had a meltdown, we had some pretty solid larry evidence on our hands. But the old stuff and anything related to Louis or Harry’s sexuality, got deleted and Harry continued to use it for a little while after. Then, the whole acct was deleted. Which… interesting… why would you bother deleting the whole acct? There wasn’t just larry stuff, there was a heap of things that Harry shared and pinned and loved and it was really cool. Would have been a nice little archive. But the larry evidence was too strong. So it got deleted and we only have screenshots, unfortunately.

But, I can assure you, we all clicked on that Pinterest link and we all saw it with our own eyes. It was verified. It was him. This was real. I scrolled through all of those photos. We also found a tumblr very similar, under the same username, but it disappeared around the same time too.

However, the blog didn’t have anything larry on it, so it’s still up. But yeah. There you have it. Some more larry lore that I forgot about until today. Hehe. Original post with some more commentary from my tumblr in 2013 here

[btr-rewatch]

Big Time Rush Fandom lore from back in the day

The fandom during the years the show was on was booming with constant content being churned out, especially fanfics. Most of the BTR fanfic community knew each other and formed collective headcanons and lore that were then spread and picked up by the rest of the fandom (ie tumblr). I had only just recently discovered online fandom spaces at the time, so I didn't contribute fanfics or anything (which is good because I was young, and they would have been terrible), but I did absorb a good deal that stuck with me. Thought it might be fun to share. A lot of this might still apply today but truth be told, I don't really know much about the current fandom headcanons. I'm still learning things as I continue to interact with people on here! Also! Idk if anyone currently in the fandom was around during Miss Fenway's reign, but she was the Queen of the BTR fandom and most "famous" of the fanfic community. A lot of the headcanons adopted by the fandom started with her and were quickly picked up by others.

Kendall • Pretty much unanimous agreement that his father was a deadbeat who had walked out on the family very shortly after Katie was born. This explains why there is ZERO mention of him in the show, no family pictures in the background that hint at a father still being in their lives, etc. He caused them a lot of pain, so they erased any trace of him. • Some people took a little bit of a kinder approach to him, where he was a genuinely loving dad when Kendall was very young, but then things unraveled, and he ended up leaving. • He was big into hockey, which sparked Kendall's love for the sport. • Lots of sad fanfics involving Little Kendall dealing with his parents deteriorating marriage and being forced to "take charge" once his dad left. • Also agreement that he likely dealt with a decent amount of anxiety and very clear abandonment issues, along with a hero complex. • Naturally, Kendall was very often the focus of intensely angsty fics. He was always being pushed to the limit, ignoring his own issues, sacrificing himself, etc until he reached his breaking point.

Logan • Prior to the airing of Big Time Moms, it was generally headcanoned that Logan's mother had died when he was very young, and he was being raised by his father. • It was also headcanoned (in the fanfic-sphere at least) that Logan's dad was an awful person. Don't ask me how this came to be because I don't actually know. All I remember is discovering fanfiction, reading fic after fic of Logan's dad being horrible, and going, "Huh, I guess that's a thing." • Logan's dad ranged anywhere from being a raging workaholic who totally ignored & neglected Logan to being outright abusive. • The main reason Logan threw himself so hard into school and being "smart" was so his father would notice him. It did not work. • Because of this, the fandom headcanoned that Logan was pretty much "adopted" into the Knight family from the moment he befriended Kendall. Mrs. Knight is the one who raised him and gave him love, and so he and Kendall grew up as brothers. (Several fanfics even had Logan be officially adopted into the Knight family at some point) • If there was an award for most tortured character in BTR fanfiction, Logan would have won hands down during the 2009-2013 fanfic era. This guy was put through the wringer! He was always experiencing trauma. When he wasn't being emotionally scarred by his dad, he was dying tragically or losing an arm in a shark attack or getting brain damage or being kidnapped. Logan suffered constantly lol the poor guy.

Carlos • He likely got the best, most lighthearted side of fandom headcanons and probably suffered the least in fics. Largely because he's Carlos, and nobody wants to hurt Carlos. • From a big, loud, happy family. Definitely the healthiest, most stable upbringing of all the boys. • Babied and loved so so much by his parents. • People had different ideas regarding the actual makeup of his immediate family, but most people headcanoned him as the oldest and only boy, with 3 or 4 much younger sisters. • His father was often written as having a special bond with Logan. I remember a trend in fics where Logan called Mr. Garcia "papa" and looked to him as the main father figure in his life. • It's still assumed that Carlos has a serious case of ADHD, right? Because that was a given back in the day. James • Honestly, I remember the least amount of James lore. Let's see... • Only child • Uses his superficial exterior to hide the fact he's deeply insecure • Actually feels everything so deeply that he has to pretend he doesn't care to avoid getting hurt. This was used to many fic writer's advantage. • Loved by his parents, but they don't show it well, and he grew up feeling disconnected from them. And that's about all I've got!

I should dig back through my old list of bookmarked fanfics at some point and make a post of the ones that were my favorites.

[respectthepetty]

Hello ✨️

Long time i don't enter in tumblr, but asap i came back only one question matters: what BLS are your currently obsession!?

Anon, this is where my slutty personality really shines because I can be obsessed with MANY shows simultaneously, and the current roster of airing BLs is keeping me entertained and satisfied.

But before I get into BLs that are currently airing, let's revisit the ones that just finished, yet are still constantly on my mind, so I'm going through their entire history on Instagram, liking their posts from 2013, and saving screenshots onto my computer:

Laws of Attraction - Building a Shrine level of obsession

I'm always thinking about this cute-ass bitch lawyer.

Jun & Jun - Anonymously Sending Love Notes level of obsession

I need more of my two dads. RIGHT NOW!

Love Class 2 - Scheming with My Friends level of obsession

I didn't know how much I loved it until it was almost gone, and now I'm trying to break it up with its current partner, so it comes back to me.

Now for the currently airing ones:

Kiseki: Dear to Me - Breaking into Its House and Putting Rose Petals on the Bed level of obsession

I can't be normal about this show. It's Taiwanese. It's about a gay mafia. It has younger guys in love with older guys, and those younger guys are ruining their whole lives for their older guys. Throwing away their entire futures for these men. Being trash in public for these men. GOING TO JAIL FOR THESE MEN! I. Love. It!

Dangerous Romance - Getting Its Name Tattooed on My Chest level of obsession

My mutuals hate this show, and I'm glad because it means there are fewer people to fight with for its attention. If more people liked it, I would convince everyone else it sucked, just so they would stop watching it, and I could have it all to myself. That's the level of obsession I have for this show. I want it isolated and alone, just to ensure its dependent on me and can never leave me. Nobody else. Just me. *blinks*

Hidden Agenda - Bunny Stew (aka Fatal Attraction) level of obsession

My obsession with this show is as unhealthy as Joke's obsession with Zo, and homie is OBSESSED with Zo. Joong plays quietly unhinged so well that I want him to play a serial killer because something about Joke's eyes, even when he says he loves Zo, just screams "if I can't have you, nobody will" and I want more of it. In my mind, Joke killed Puen and was *this* close to killing Nita when she smiled at Zo during her party. If Joke's dad says anything about his relationship with Zo in the finale . . . *finger across throat*

Naughty Babe - Recording Us Having Sex Just So I Can Listen to It Later When I Miss It (aka Only Friend's Nick) level of obsession

Indulgent Daddy Yi is my favorite daddy, and Max looks ridiculously attractive in this show. It has color coding and changed the dog attack from Cutie Pie into a TIGER ATTACK! Diao's family is trying to kill him, that new secretary is sus, and Lian and Yi definitely fucked each other in college. How could I not be super duper creepy about this show?

Shadow - Praying to God and all the Santos to Bind Our Souls Together level of obsession

I'm already thinking about the ways I'll have to repent for the sins I'm going to commit when this show comes out. I have waited for.ev.er for this, and I'm getting it for gay Christmas (Halloween). I'm willing to eff with los espookys for this, so I'll be death-gripping my rosary the whole way through, but I'll do anything for gay catholic boys. ANYTHING, including breaking 9 out of the 10 Commandments. Gotta keep the Sabbath holy, though. Even God took a break from being obsessed.

[aerodumb]

Wade/Nancy is an artist who's been surrounded by negative opinions. She currently works under the username Grisgrisdoll, but she's widely known as the name that haunts her past, Kastoway.

I've seen many, many accusations being thrown online against this artist, but I noticed that for many people spreading them this knowledge is secondhand. I found her Deviantart account some time after she changed her username to Kastoway in the beginning of 2014 due to my hyperfixation on creepypastas at the time. I never actually followed her, but I visited her account every now and then, so if I missed something important, it was because of that and I will be glad if you tell me. In this post, I'll list the incidents in chronological order *with evidence* and then give my own opinion at the end.

One thing to know about Wade is that she has had many different names and usernames throughout her life. In addition, she is comfortable with people using either "she", "he" or "they" to refer to her. I'll be alternating the pronouns and using both her names.

He was 13 when she created Ticci Toby [1]. He posted her first drawing of him on the 19th of November 2012 on DeviantArt [2] and Toby's origin story one year later on the 23rd of May 2013 [3]. Wade changed the personality of Toby to make him less upbeat, more tragic and more scary. One of the first instances where he showed discomfort with how people portrayed Toby that I remember was in a publication she posted on the last day of 2013 [4]. This situation ended up with a small redesign of Toby on 5th of February 2014 [5].

She took a short break from DeviantArt around July [6]. It was this year when her creepypasta blew up out of proportion. Previously, she had expressed her desire for Toby to only be shipped with another creepypasta character called Clockwork. However, many people didn't like Clockwork and didn't respect this wish, leading her to further getting tired of the creepypasta community. By october of the same year, her Deviantart bio said: "Most people know me as the creator of the creepypasta story "Ticci-Toby"-- which yes I am, but I prefer not to be constantly called out for it nor only recognized or appreciated for it. I do not contribute to the creepypasta fandom anymore so please don't ask me about it. Thank you" [7].

One issue that is frequently overlooked when discussing Wade's actions is her problem with impersonators, as she stated on a status in November [8].

On 14th of December 2014 he made a post trying to solve all the turmoil that had formed because of shipping [9]. He stated that he had asked people not to ship Toby with anyone but Clockwork because that was what he was comfortable with, but he realized that decision was pointless and didn't care at this point. The situation had gone out of control and there were people bashing creators who shipped Toby with others or with their own characters. He apologized to the hurt and asked people to stop the white knighting. In addition, he recognized "I wasn't prepared for my character to become popular on the internet. I really wasn't. I never thought it would happen and I'm still not good at dealing with it. In fact I suck at it, it's true". He was 15 at the moment.

In 2015, they got into Marvel, even having a tumblr blog where she drew Deadpool replying the asks of her followers. At the end of their bio, it could be read: "I will not reply to notes or comments regarding Ticci-Toby or anything Creepypasta related, sorry." [10]. This message was deleted months later, so their profile didn't mention Toby or creepypasta anymore. They kept the folder for her creepypasta drawings in their gallery tagged as "old".

In April 2016, he had to warn the general public that Toby wasn't real and that he was his creator [11]. People had been spreading misinformation, saying that Toby was real or was based on a real person. Wade feared that something like the tragedy of Wisconsin could happen again, it was a serious concern.

In May, Nancy made a post saying that people could still ask her about Toby [12], but later in June that year, she decided to step off the internet with the purpose of trying to improve her life, archiving the majority of her work [13]. Later in 2017, she updated her bio to let people know about her new instagram account where she mostly posts original art. It was at this point when I stopped checking her content completely, as this account, called bonejars at the beginning, was private for a while. She hasn't been very active on DeviantArt apart from the times she announced her podcast.

On the porch: Episode 2, 16 April 2020, started a wave of negativity against them. I didn't watch it at the time and it is now private so I can't say much about it, but they did some clarifications on her instagram stories later. Many users took screenshots of them and they can still be read [14]. In them, Nancy says that they came to terms many years ago with the ships, that they left the fandom because all of the drama made them miserable and that they'd wish Toby to no longer be associated with the creepypasta fandom. Despite this, they don't want people to stop doing what makes them happy, they said they're ok with headcanons and people reinterpreting the character, that they like the fanart as long as people don't profit from it. They said "I know what escapism is like and using fiction to cope with life. I would never wanna take that away from anybody". Later, they had to make further clarifications because people accused them of wanting to take Toby away from the fandom.

On 25 abril 2021, Nancy posted a new redesign of Toby on his Instagram account [15]. This version of him was significantly different from the last one. The character is older, wears different clothes and looks more realistic due to Nancy's art style development. With this design, he looks like a character from a slasher.

Many people weren't pleased with the redesign due to thinking the reason for it was to invalidate the previous one. Consequently, they brought to the surface controversies from the past. Nancy was accused of having supported two controversial figures in the creepypasta community: Laughing Jack's creator Steve Aikins (Snuffbomb) and Sally Williams' creator Shilo (la_mishi_mish).

Steve presumably harassed his ex-girlfriend and talked indecently with several young girls back in 2014 [16]. I haven't found evidence of Wade supporting him and I can't remember exactly what she said. If someone has screenshots of it, I would be grateful.

Shilo used to draw NSFW art of Sally [17]. This character is canonically 8, so she usually aged her up in this kind of content. However, she posted a compilation of sketches depicting Sally and Jeff the Killer having sex in 2015, stating it was ok for them to have intercouse because they were both 13. Shilo was 22 at the time. Several sources indicate that she stopped drawing mature content due to social pressure. Nancy and Shilo follow each other on instagram to this day.

There haven't been more references to Toby on Nancy's part since then.

◇ Ok people, get the pitchforks because now I'm gonna give my opinion!

So, what can we accuse Wade of? Of being an idiot and a hypocrite when he was a teenager, of having bad companies and managing fame poorly. I don't think we can blame them for anything else and feel that a big part of the hate they receive is undeserved.

I think she was a hypocrite because she got angry with an interpretation of Toby that she had at the beginning. What's more, Toby's story uses an interpretation of Slenderman that was invented by the fandom, proxies are not canon. It's like a fanfic of a series inspired by just a couple of photos.

Still following Shilo is yikes. However, we don't really know if they're still close and I'm personally gonna give her the benefit of the doubt. Defending Steve was a bad move, but, as some people have pointed out before, he was a teen when that happened, way younger than Steve and she could have been convinced to think he was innocent. Shilo is older too.

Being that young, she wasn't prepared for facing the bad sides of fame. Ignoring stuff, going radio silent and then saying things in the heat of the moment didn't help her a bit, but it was all that occurred to her at the time. She's tried to explain things in more detail in recent years just to go back to saying as little as possible because at this point, people get angry for whatever she says.

People say they're homophobic. Their instagram account refutes it.

People say he was mean and insulted the fandom. I remember reading a couple of statuses on DA that I thought were insensitive, but that was a long time ago. People grow and he's changed his mind a lot as you can read in his instagram stories. If you say these things referring to the post where he told people Toby wasn't real, I'm sorry, but I think he had all the right to be harsh. People said Slenderman was real, it ended up in a tragedy and now the same things were being said about Toby. Can you imagine how it's to feel you're responsible for someone's death? He was trying to protect people.

People say she went after artists that portrayed Toby in a different way than hers, yet every time she's said something that ended up hurting people, she took responsibility and apologized for it. I don't believe this person could go and directly hurt someone. Remember what I said before about her issues with impersonators and people white knighting? That could be what's happening. Even now she has problems with people pretending they know her, so be careful!

People say they have abandoned the character many times. It's true they've said they didn't want to talk about Toby on four different occasions, but I don't think they did it with that intention. Why did they redesign him then? The design we all know is inevitably tied to the creepypasta community and they want to move on from it, that's why they didn't want to talk about him. Now they made a version of the character that isn't tied to that world, so we have two Tobies, one for them and one for us. I think that's cool!

Many don't like that they can't use the old version to earn money, but I want them to understand that this is a really particular situation. Usually, people making commissions of characters that aren't theirs isn't a problem when the creator is getting money on their own (unless you're Disney, Disney has no chill). This isn't Wade's case, she has never been monetary compensated for creating or drawing Toby and she has the right of choosing not to allow the commercial use of her characters. "Give for free what you were given for free" is a rule that makes sense in this case.

I don't expect anyone to stop disliking Wade, you're free to feel whatever you want, but at least I hope that this post helps people to see that all of this is more dimensional than just "kastoway is evil". At the end of the day, she's just a dude that fucked up many times and I think her experiences can help us to not commit the same errors.

◇ Here you have all the evidence

[1] Wade's age (look at the replies)

[2] First art of Toby

[3] Toby's Origin on Kastoway's DA

[4] Post where Wade complains about the difference between fanon and canon Toby

[5] Updated Toby design

[6] Wade's DA on hiatus

[7] Wade saying he doesn't want to be known just for creating Toby

[8] Wade complaining about impersonators

[9, 11] Nancy clarifying the issues with shipping and people saying Toby was real (look at section "Kastoway and his creation")

[10] Nancy saying he won't reply asks about Toby

[12] Nancy apologizing and saying ask about Toby are welcomed

[13] Nancy announcing her departure

[14] Nancy's deleted instagram stories

[15] Toby's new design

[16] About Laughing Jack's creator

[17] About Sally's Creator

[a-darling-thing]

Lately I've been reminiscing about the internet/blogging/fandom cultures in the late 2000s and early 2010s. Specifically about how it was a culture of free and open sharing of art, fic, crafts, time and skill without people monetizing absolutely everything.

In fandom circles we would constantly write and draw things for each other. There were fan-organized gift exchanges, competitions, and big bangs. Friends gifted art and fic to one another and this encouraged more art and fic to be produced. No one dared to charge for their fanworks back then because there was a very real fear of getting sued by folks like Anne Rice.

I know that this still happens in fandom circles to a certain extent, but over the years I have watched organizers struggle to get the numbers they once had, and more and more people not wanting to spend time creating stuff they won't get paid for. People also seem much less likely to freely donate their time and skills, also. I don't think that a site like A03 could be started today, and I sometimes wonder how long they will be able to continue operating, given it is run entirely by volunteers.

Back then we kept all our fan created stuff in fan spaces, and it was shared and created out of love and passion. It was almost like private correspondence within our little fandom in groups, and outside the prying eyes of show creators, movie producers, actors and book authors, and it was glorious.

I am still friends with and am still sharing creatively with friends I made during that time period (some I followed into later fandoms). I'm not sure I could say that of fandom friends I made later, with a couple of rare exceptions.

I don't know, I just feel like the commodification and monetization of fandom has really stilted creativity and connections over the years, and I'm hardly involved in fandom circles anymore, because I don't find it enriching and fun. It's just one more space trying to sell me stuff, or is so mired down in unnecessary, quasi-political drama (I blame tumblr, twenty-teens sjw culture and then later twitter and puriteen fandom cultures for the way some of this drama took root, mutated, and spread).

I guess I just miss community. There was a time when fandom spaces truly felt like community. We talked about and debated things in good faith, for the most part, we created art and fic out of love and passion and then shared those creative works freely, and it just doesn't feel that way to me anymore.

Listen, I'm not going to begrudge anyone who needs or wants to make money from their art. I get it. Life is hard, and the economy freakin' sucks, but the commodification of fandom, and the growing popularity of social media platforms and their unhealthy community dynamics did absolutely change fandom culture and not for the better, imo, and sometimes I just miss that old sense of close-knit community and free interchange of art and ideas I used to get in fandom from about 2005 - 2013.

[blairsanne]

Writing Questions Tag Game:

Thanks for tagging me @residentdormouse ♥

What is your absolute all-time favorite idea you’ve ever had?

Um, so the two favourite ideas of mine are not things I can link you to because the first one, which is a faerie story about (among other characters) the fae prince of Winter, is a story I'm writing (I guess it's on hiatus) with my irl bff and it's not finished or available to the public. I don't know how much I should share tbh, but I love all the characters and the world we've built so much.

The other is just my special daydream OC character whose story I will never actually write because it's a mashup of various fandom lores and very complicated and while fun to daydream doesn't sound fun to write. She's a priestess who gets murdered on the altar of her world's gods by her bff and they revive her to kill him (he was a priest who took the power of the gods and then proceeded to basically demolish the world around him). She does so, but is essentially left alone in her world and becomes a guardian of sorts. Her role is to link herself to one person (anchor) in every one of the worlds/dimensions/realities that the collection of souls her gods watch over reincarnate into. She can call on power from the other realities to protect them from outside threats (basically, if the gods were creator beings, there are destroyer beings who want to devour the souls/realities). She ends up being kind of a tragic character though, since she's stuck between a bunch of "lives" so to speak and beholden to different people in different worlds but never able to settle down and be done. She keeps getting revived by the gods when she dies (with all her memories, instead of reincarnating), and she struggles with grief. Why is this my favourite idea? IDK but I keep thinking about it.

Is there a question you’ve been asked in the past that really stands out to you and you still think about sometimes?

Well one time someone on anon complained that I wrote a self-indulgent mary sue oc into my fanfic and asked "who asked for [that]". To which I replied that I did. Because, you know, I write shit for myself first. As a fun hobby. I'm in no way saying that I write anything great, and if you think my writing is cringe, like, okay, you're right? Die mad about it, I guess? Get a life? Idk. I'm just having fun playing pretend with these fictional worlds.

What is your favorite part of being a writer?

Re-reading finished things because I write the type of stories I like to read, so it's really satisfying to get to reread them later. Close second is when someone else likes what I've written, that's pretty cool. ♥

What parts could you take or leave?

The agony of the time between posting something online and that first bit of feedback on it. Now that I actually have people looking at my stuff there's a little bit of like "well I hope at least one person does end up reading and enjoying this" and like... if not then it feels like why bother posting it online? (Honestly I started posting my BWOC fic in 2013 just so my irl bff could read it. I started posting my newer fics on tumblr in 2021 just so I'd move on and finish the missing parts of the story I had been writing... which hasn't worked, in case anyone wondered haha.)

What is your greatest motivation to write/create?

I am constantly coming up with stories in my head. There's something about writing them down and crafting them into something I can read again later that lets me put them down, if that makes sense. Like a brain dump. I don't need to remember just how that scene went or why that was happening in this plot, because it's written down now. I can revisit it later if I like. Or never.

Second-biggest motivation is when I'm writing a fic with someone else in mind, like a request or gift, or for an event, or just something I know that one person in particular will like. In the hopes I contribute something good to their day. (Even if it's smut.)

What do you wish you knew when you were first starting out writing?

I've honestly been writing since I was a child, so I wish I could tell you. XD

What I would say to someone new to writing is this: You get better at every skill by doing it. So, if you want to write, you're better off writing a ton of stories, badly at first and reworking, refining, revising, etc. than to wait until you're "good enough" to write the story you want to write. You can always write a version two or twenty-five, months or years later. Done is better than perfect, and shitty-first-drafts are better than forgotten ideas.

What is your favorite story you’ve written TO COMPLETION? Link it if you’d like and can!

Probably Homecoming, a smut-fic for Bofur in the Durin's Garage AU. Mostly because I haven't written most of my stories to completion, but also I love that fic.

What is your favorite out-of-the-box quote?

"If anyone can do it, so can you."

Which of your characters would you say has the most controversial mindset? Why do you say so and how do you personally feel about their ideals?

In one of my original fiction stories, one of the characters is an emperor who is basically taking over the world bit by bit, and has zero remorse about it. He believes that nobody can love him (for good reason unrelated to his status/warring) and has decided not to love anyone or anything either. At one point, frustrated with how passive his stolen fiancee is, he orders his brother to strangle her to death in front of him and then gets mad at her when she doesn't fight back (he orders the brother to stop, it was just like... a test?). He's very aggressive and believes that everyone only looks out for themselves, etc. so he does the same. (So her passivity sort of challenges him in a way. It's complicated.) It think it's a very toxic but easy-to-fall into worldview when someone thinks that the world is cruel to them, to decide to be cruel back. That's probably the most controversial mindset of my OCs, but that's sort of the point. Obviously I think he's wrong, and eventually things happen to change him.

If you, when you first started writing, met you now, what would younger you think?

She'd probably be confused why we stopped doing forum-RPing and be completely amazed that a single stranger anywhere in the world had read and enjoyed something we wrote all on our own. Honestly I think little me would think I was pretty cool and living the dream. Maybe I should remind myself that more often.

I really value the community in fandom spaces, which I think is why fanfiction is so appealing. We all get to play with the same dolls in different ways and go "ah yes, that's a cool way you played" and learn from each other and grow, and it's all around a shared love of stories. Storytelling is how humans make sense of the world, and community is what makes life feel like it has meaning to me. So this is a pretty cool place to be.

No pressure tags: @laurfilijames @i-did-not-mean-to @i-am-still-bb @silvermoon-scrolls @sotwk @middleearthpixie @sketch-and-write-lover @enchantzz @lordoftherazzles and OPEN TAG to anyone who wants to do it. :)

[3terna15unshin3]

heyyyy bffs i feel like none of u know anything about me so here’s a little introduction post 🥰 open if u dare

🚨REAL LIFE MARCEY-LORE !!!🚨

To begin here is a Dreadful Face Reveal. Will probably end up deleting these after a bit just so the real ones can know me and then i can go back into hiding😌

the other pics are just ones i found in my camera roll of my room and things i like and that i feel like are the most me!

Okay now random facts

★ I’m Marcey J, 22, and use she/they pronouns :)))

★ Currently in college 👎 my major is Mathematics (ew)

★ I’m from the US but have constantly moved around my whole life, lots of my family is up in Canada so i spent a ton of time this summer there! but right now i’m in Minnesota. go Vikings (jk i am Gay and don’t want sports)!

★ speaking of gay i am very much queer/bi and have been out to my friends for a long time. but i’ve only just recently come out to my family because I am seeing a girl 😌

★ i’m very new to Tumblr and only made this blog in may i think? just to upload TBSG and find more fics since i used to only read and upload on AO3

★ before that, maybe since like 2018, stan twitter has been my home which I still frequent but i feel like that meme of the guy talking at a brick wall on there😭😭 which is why i love it so much here bc y’all are so nice and welcoming and interactive

★ I first found The 1975 back in 2013 when R5 did a cover of Girls… LOL. was a huge fan all through iliwys and the very beginning of abiior but then fell off.. So i missed the whole MFC era but pretty much still consistently listened to self titled and iliwys while they happened. Then being funny came out and i got sucked back in and HAD to catch up on everything!!

★ This is truly the strongest obsession i’ve had in so long like it was 0-100 i could not bear to listen to anything else😭 Fr i just checked and they jumped from my 29th most listened to artist up to #1 in less than two months back in 2022 .. god i need help

★ fav album is Notes

★ fav 75 songs atm are Be My Mistake, Happiness, Pressure, Frail State Of Mind, She’s American, Then Because She Goes (obviously), Pressure, The Birthday Party, You, and She Lays Down

★ my other favourite musicians are Hozier, HAIM, Taylor, beabadoobee, MUNA, Charli XCX, FIZZ, Lizzy McAlpine, boygenius, 5SOS, and Caroline Polachek

★ I’m also a very big bookworm! i work at a bookstore which is why i wrote TBSG it’s my fantasy…

★ Some recent fav reads are Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin, God Is Dead by Nietzsche, Sirens & Muses by Antonia Angress, Body Grammar by Jules Ohman, and The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion :))

★ i collect vinyl! it’s so fun! i only have 52 in my collection rn since it is a sickness that eats up all of my money

Anyway that’s it, thank u for reading i hope it wasn’t a complete bore! Please pls pls send me a message if u ever wanna chat i love meeting new ppl and am always down to get to know u better!!!!!!

XO Marcey 🌟🌟💖💖💖💖

[aforgottenballad]

Long post about. ??? Tumblr kinnies of years passed I guess.

I know some people managed to curate their feed better than I did (half of my mutuals at the time would literally hunt you down if you unfollowed/blocked them and demand an explanation, that or make a vague post about you and how their life is over and it's your fault. This was not typical for all Tumblr users but it was a significant culture of mentally ill teenagers anyway.) but I really don't miss what an obsessive-compulsive anxious wreck ~2013-2016 Tumblr made me into. And I do mean that clinically. Like, there were certain series that I was terrified of talking about, not even including ones that were a little bit problematic, because I was afraid that if I expressed that I related to or liked a character too much, either:

- Somebody would find it and tell me to kms because they related more

- People would ask me invasive questions to make sure I had the right "credentials" to relate to/like that character and I would be the one in the wrong if I chose not to answer them or told them it was none of their business. Or if I said yes but didn't provide some kind of proof.

And I want to be clear: These were both very real possibilities at the time and I would have deactivated immediately if either one occured because of how petrifying it was to handle the fallout. I pissed off the SPG fandom once and almost deactivated then too.

You didn't even need to say that you kinned a character back then, if you had an icon of a character or projected on them in any way or showed too much interest in meta of them, people would be like. "Hey you can't do that. Because that character is _ so either prove to me that you're also _ or kill yourself" it was INSANE and I am NOT exaggerating.

There was also the pressure to tag every single post with every possible character and trigger tag that you could think of, so at one point I had over 10,000 drafts and almost nothing in my queue because I was too exhausted to go through and sufficiently tag everything. I still get neurotic about tagging things and putting certain content on certain sideblogs, but tagging something as a fandom and a small blurb of commentary is so much less mortifying than. The fandom, 17 character names, eye contact, hands, feet, open mouths, yellow, body image, exposed arms, etc etc etc.

It all sounds REALLY STUPID now, of course, and it was. Painfully stupid. And I'm still constantly sort of leading myself by the collar away from the impulse to freak out and overexplain and overapologize if I forget a tag or post something that's any less cozy than a picture of a shelf of old books or put something in the wrong place. And I still go back to look through my old posts to make sure that I didn't misspell anything or state something inaccurate or whatever. Sometimes. But it is so much better now and it isn't only because I grew out of it, things have shifted in the way Tumblr as an overarching website handles like. Treating other human beings like human beings. This place is still obnoxious but being here doesn't make me feel like I need to go live in the psych ward so that's nice.

[thisiskatsblog]

who was angela? 🌼

Oh anon, this question almost broke my heart! I'll explain why

Angela is the beautiful, crazy intelligent, most warmhearted and kind lesbian woman who ran a Tumblr blog that can now be found at lapelosa-blog.tumblr.com.

When I stumbled upon the Tumblr Larry fandom after reading a blind that was reportedly about them in February or March 2013, her blog was THE discussion place for all things Louis, Harry and LGBTQ+ . Her insights and analysis were spot on and she was a person a lot of LGBTQ+ fans struggling with their sexuality could talk to. It was a fandom hotspot for the LGBTQ+ young people who felt both inspired by Louis and Harry and hurt by what was happening to them.

She was a huge fan of Louis and she started the original Lesbians Love Louis club, LLL club for short. (Might be confusing as this is a name that Amy, who was then still called gossip-candy, later took on, but it was definitely Angela who came up with it).

My first interaction with this fandom was a request to join the LLL club. I sent her an ask hoping she'd accept me even though I was bi, not lesbian, and I signed off on the ask as Kat, which is not my real name, but short for my middle name, as I wasn’t out at the time. My ask to Angela/lapelosa to be allowed, as a bi person, to join the Lesbians Love Louis club, and her reaction to it changed my life, and ultimately also this entire fandom.

She said yes, and was extremely welcoming about my bisexuality, with some excellent analysis about the nefarious power of heteronormativity, bi erasure and monosexual bias. It was the first time I'd come out to someone, gay or straight, who made me feel better rather than worse about my sexuality with their reaction to it.

In the months that followed, Angela and I talked loads - she was an amazing person to share ideas and analysis with, and to discuss LGBTQ+ politics with. Eventually those conversations inspired me to set up a blog to combat homophobia in the fandom at takemehomefromnarnia.tumblr.com - It's through that blog that I met the people with whom I started Rainbow Direction. Without Angela's Lesbians Love Louis club there would have been no TMHFN, no Rainbow Direction, no Harry waving flags, no rainbow lights actions during SOTT, TPWK, Matilda or Lights Up, and no flags for Only the Brave.

But that's just my experience with Angela - she was so important to very many LGBTQ+ people in this community, her blog was really the "place to be" for the LGBTQ+ crowd. So many people shared their experiences there, and talked about what Louis and Harry meant to them on that blog.

It is Angela’s blog to which the anon “receipt" about Louis' encounter with an LGBTQ+ fan was submitted in July 2013, and while that fan may have been the direct inspiration for "Saved by a Stranger", because she was able to let Louis know what he meant to her directly, I would say that Angela's blog was full of such accounts and it could very well have been the broader inspiration behind the song. Her blog was a testimony to what Louis and Harry meant to LGBTQ+ fans, including herself and myself. And I think that is why she would have been very important to Louis and Harry. I am 99% certain they would have known about and read her blog, and that it meant a lot to them. Louis would have known her first name, but not her last. 

Angela left the fandom in 2017 for a combination of reasons. I cannot speak for her, but after 1D split the atmosphere became brutal around here, many fans left, and it wasn't an enjoyable place. I also suspect her professional commitments became much larger and more difficult to combine with a blog as intensive as hers. And I know that Jay's death affected her a great deal as well, it made her sad to be here and constantly be reminded of how dark Louis’ life was at the time. She is dearly missed. 

[pinkandgreenarepurpleandyellow]

WIP WIP WIP WIP!

Early Concept

Some doodles/mockups

Current progress and some details.

My major plan for the moment is to find my brown markers (seriously, how do those things keep disappearing) and figure out what my background for the teeth/grin is gonna look like.

Ngl, I'm really proud of this one! kinda annoyed that the 1 in 2013 is a little too close to the 0, but I think I did some nice work on the nectars and blood splatters. (More details/breakdown below cut).

Escape From Furnace was one of the first books that I was super-passionate about, even though I wasn't online for the first while. Don't get me wrong, there's a lot of stuff I loved and wanted to do bigger deep-dives into, but it was a kinda interesting perspective for me since I'm Jewish and the main villain is, y'know, a fucking Nazi.

It's kind of a weird feeling where on the one hand, watching the fandom was what actually shoved me online and on to Tumblr. Otoh, the obsession w/Warden Cross was kinda creepy to me, and it felt like almost everyone conveniently pushed to the side that he wasn't just a Nazi in the past, but kept up the ideals, modeled a prison on them, and constantly talks about "superior races" and "wiping out the inferior scum" and such.

Seeing the rest of the fandom, especially the headcanon that Zee is Jewish, resonated a lot more, and kept my head on this vague idea of breaking down how much that would change the narrative of the story (consider that Zee is the only person we know for sure is immune to the nectar, add that the version of nectar used in the Furnace is Cross's variation, multiply by how both Cross and nectarized Alex talk about Zee in Death Sentence and Fugitives. There's also the whole 'blondes w/blue eyes who keep responding esp well to the nectar' shtick with Alex and Gary).

So this idea's been rattling around in my head for a while, obviously! I initially wanted to do two triangles with the three circles, superimposing an upside version of the Furnace's logo over itself to create the Star of David, but it looked kind of weird so I might come back to it later. For now, each triangle has it's own mini-scene or element starring. breakdown, top to bottom, left to right:

I initially wanted to draw the dog's face/jaws but it just wouldn't look right no matter what I did. It was switched out for the three different nectar strains we see in canon: The silver syringe full of Cross's blend, the berserker blood with specs of red, and the mostly black that's running through the tubes connecting Alfred Furnace to the machine.

Teeth: I'm honestly not quite sure where I'm going with this in the final draft, but teeth stick out to me throughout the book as one of those details we get to see characters more clearly. Donovan's smile, Kevin missing two front teeth, the berserkers, Bodie's grin, Cross's teeth like crooked tombstones, y'all get my point. But yeah, teeth.

Hands: Donovan's hand (bathed in gold, currently yellow because I don't have any gold markers rn), and Alex's reaching out to Donovan. The big scene, but also all of the smaller ones that came earlier, like in Lockdown.

Prison bars: There's something that sticks in my head about the bars and all of the numbers used, for the inmates and the cells and the three chipping rooms and the blacksuits and how I imagine at some point, you only remember yourself as a number. I'd hope that with his memories back, Alex wouldn't forget his name, but I'd argue that 2013834 (inmate number) still holds better memories than 208 (blacksuit number).

Eye: Another big motif. So many blue eyes, so many silver ones. I've kinda been sticking to only 4 colors for all of these except the panel with the hands, we're doing something with emotions and colors and the way the Furnace saps all hope here. Again, can't quite decide on a background yet.

Gas mask: A rough redraw of the one in Lockdown, the very first book of the series and, again, that little connection of Zee with the idea of him being Jewish and the canon detail that he would have been made into a wheezer if not for Cross.

The center: Their motto is nine words, two phrases. It looks somewhat awkward, but I think it works.

So yeah. I'm planning on finishing the colors and then seeing if I can figure out how to turn this into a patch on fabric or embroidery or something, but this is one of my favorite concepts and I'm glad I can finally bring it to life!

[fringyrasa]

How Strange New Worlds led me to a happy place in a sea of negativity.

Not to sound like SUPER dramatic, but it's hard to be a fan these days.

I genuinely think this really started rearing it's head in 2013's Man of Steel or 2017's The Last Jedi, but this year especially, it feels like being in a big fandom is so hard to find a place to just talk about stuff you love without being drowned in negativity. I used to love to talk about Star Wars and Marvel with other fans, but honestly with Phase 4 and recently with Kenobi, I don't even want to anymore. Kenobi especially was like a miserable 5 week experience for a show that I loved. I love Ms. Marvel and honestly after last week's episode, I didn't even want to log on to talk about it because I just knew it was gonna be constant negativity. It was. I haven't even texted any of my friends about it because I'm so exhausted.

That's not to say you have to love everything (The "Just consume more content" meme is so annoying because it used to have a very critical point and now it's just used for every time someone likes a franchise product) Since the dawn of my existence it's been the balance of people who liked the thing vs. the people who didn't like the thing. But recently, it feels like it's just so many people who will argue with you to invalidate your opinion. It feels like we go into things ready to pick it apart. I had to distance myself from the Marvel and Star Wars fans because it got so bad. I used to love to go conventions and meet fans and just gush about all the stuff we loved, even if we didn't see eye to eye. As an introvert, it's like the only social thing I actually looked forward to and now I don't even want to do that. It was something I loved. It made me feel at home, where I could be myself and I just dread even bringing anything up with another fan.

And this is def a "Me" problem, but the discorse of these projects has made me feel so isolated and alone. Made me feel like I couldn't be myself, I couldn't feel at home anymore. Part of what I love about movies, tv, games, etc. is sharing that love with other people and I watched so much stuff this year that I just did in solitary because I didn't want to love something only for 17 replies about how that thing is actually horrible. I know that's such a small thing but fuck it, it's been a rough few years outside of fandom and to have so much negativity in my escape places, it made me feel depressed. The thing that was so much a part of my DNA, sharing my passions, felt like I could only do it to myself, and it was such a lonely depressing feeling.

That was until I saw Strange New Worlds. I had heard about the show, used to be a regular Discovery watcher (the show kind of lost me in Seasons 3 & 4 but I admit I still try to keep up with it) and knew this was something fans had been asking constantly for. I missed it when it aired, just picking it up on Friday and found myself binging the first 7 episodes straight. I LOVED it. Was everything perfect? Hell no. The show has a lot of flaws but I didn't even care. I was so in love with the characters and the presentation it was just such a joy to watch. I can totally get critical of the things I think it fails to do, I can defend it against some criticism that I just can't get on board with, but the thing that really solidified my pure love for the show was the fandom.

I came out of tumblr retirement for this. I didn't even want to dare to go on reddit or twitter to talk about this, I could already feel some of the responses. It would be trying to tip toe over the "bad writing" and "ruins continuity" and "this ruined my childhood" landmines. I really hoped I could find maybe one or two users here who felt the same love and excitement for this show that I had. Seriously, I just needed one or two. I was hoping I could just talk to one person who had the same joy I had. Imagine the smile on my face to find there were tons.

FINALLY!!

Are there people that hate the show or hate the parts I love and have completely valid reasons? Absolutely. I totally get it. But I can't tell you what a RELIEF it is to find people who love something you love. I feel like between Doctor Who, Star Wars, Marvel, His Dark Materials, and I'm sure more that I'm forgetting, it felt like finding those spaces where you can just share your love for something with other people who loved it, were getting narrow. I found a place where we can just enjoy something again and that feels so freaking good. For the first time in awhile, I didn't feel like I was in a sea of negativity, desperately holding onto an inflatable life raft hoping a like minded fan would come and rescue me.

Anyway, love you Strange New Worlds lovers, don't ever change. You actually made it feel good to be a fan again.

[theyreonlynoodlesmike]

One of my mild annoyances is that tiktok song "I wish I was a riot grrrl" because they are so close yet completely missing the point of riot grrrl.

1) Riot grrrl was a lgbt/poc/girls club. It's about extreme femininity in spaces that they were originally not welcome (i.e. rock music, the punk scene) and making a space for those that weren't welcome (women musicians were boo'ed off of stages, harassed if not assaulted in punk/rock spaces). The whole idea of someone saying "I wish I was a riot grrrl" literally makes me wanna pull my hair out because their audience realize that by not being a riot grrrl you are the demographic that mainstream punk is serving and understand that this version of punk is not for you and yet- you still want to make it your own? You just have to be apart of this scene? Even though by admitting that you don't have the credentials of being a riot grrrl/ghoul (typically women/gender neutral/nonbinary identifying people who can be poc, lgbt, etc.) that you won't have the experiences to understand why this movement exists and what they're talking about? The point of this scene is that cishet male punk rockers looked at those that don't fit their own demographic and said "you can't be in this scene" so the people that don't fit that demographic replied, "fine, then we'll make our own scene and you won't be allowed in it either" and now you so desperately want to be apart of it???? And, y'know what, you can come to the shows, you can support the artists. But this is a space where the only voice is supposed to be the voice of those that didn't have one in the mainstream cishet male punk scene. If you can respect that, then cheers.

2) It's not just an aesthetic and it's not something that's supposed to be appreciated by the male gaze. The lines "hiding my brutality behind dyed hair" and "fueled by feminism and hard drugs" screams 2013 tumblr alternative which is not riot grrrl. Riot grrrl actively spoke out against the idea of one type of woman and drug use so these lines are just,,,,,ugh.

3) The line "not your average day job girl" is where I know that this person does not understand the point of riot grrrl. Riot grrrl is for women. All women. That includes the average day job girl, and trans women, poc women, lgbt women, etc. The idea of only one type of woman being welcome in this scene is the exact opposite of what riot grrrl is about. Lemme repeat. The entire point of shunning the "average feminine girl" is the EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT RIOT GRRRL IS ABOUT. Riot grrrl fashion was the idea of reclaiming femininity and turning it into something that is so outrageous and disgusting to the male gaze that it is no longer attractive to the male gaze. The idea of riot grrrl was using traditional femininity to go against the male gaze, so shunning the "average girl" is literally just- it's literally wrong. A man finding a type of feminity not attractive is literally the point, and shunning any sort of femininity is literally against the idea of riot grrrl.

4) The line "feminazi punk"?? God please shut the fuck up. Feminazi is a word that is constantly used to shut up feminist women and I literally can't stand the use of this word. Not to mention, this is a word that's reclaimed by terfs and radfems, and they have various ideologies that don't stand with the point of riot grrrl punk, which was to be an inclusive lgbt poc space for all women.

Though, I love the energy and I love the awareness that this song brings to the genre. I just think that the writers of this song may not understand the core ideology behind riot grrrl.

Anyways, that's my minor annoyance of the day.

[toshio]

not to be fake deep but i honestly miss the old days on tumblr. like years and years ago when you’d be the cool kid for having canon urls in a f*ndom, you’d feel so warm and special inside when some random popular blogger you admired put you on their “follow forever” list (only the og tumblr users from 2010-2013 will know) and when tumblr posts were just popular on here and ONLY here, compared to like nowadays in 2021 where quirky tumblr posts are constantly screenshotted and basically ripped off and reposted to instagram/twitter and the ppl from outside think it’s still somehow cringey to use this website because of some weird unmentioned ~social media superiority complex~ that tumblr is an old outdated platform and twitter is the more modern cool hip gen Z version of tumblr...which is slightly true bc using tumblr still seems tacky bc more ppl are on twitter but...y’all just remember that tumblr was popping way before tw*tter became mainstream!

[ursifors]

i have a lot to say about people who whine about "heyday" ah so i'm just gonna ramble bc its late and i feel like it

okay for starters i've been a fan since 2012-2013 around there. i was especially a fan of the lads, which at the time was gavin, michael, and ray. ESPECIALLY ray. i was a teenager, i looked up to them so much.

so i remember when there was a point where entire sections of videos were bleeped out because the lads were saying stuff specifically for shock value that was so bad they couldn't keep it in the video. or when a sort of rift formed between the lads and the fandom, on tumblr specifically. they HATED us. because everything they did was nitpicked, so they retaliated by being worse and more edgy and crossing more lines.

i stopped watching ah cold turkey when in a traitor town video ray's character was shot in the junk and he said "haha look i'm a t-slur." (he said the actual word, which i can say as i am trans, but i don't like to.) i couldn't believe it and stopped watching for awhile, and only came back a while after ray left.

now i forgive ray for this, because a lot was going on and he was young and angry and having a hard time working at ah and the fandom was up his ass CONSTANTLY so he snapped and i get it. and i love ray again, he's grown so much. so have michael and gavin and all of them. and it's so clear when you watch shows like off topic where they talk candidly about real life issues.

that "heyday" fans complain about missing, yeah, there were some great moments and videos from then! some of my favorite minecraft videos are really old ones! but also there was a point where queer people or poc couldn't just safely watch a video. we had to wait for others to watch and post "hey this one is clear." or "yeah at x timestamp gavin says some insensitive shit" and that thing that we all loved was now a stressor, these people we looked up to were suddenly against us.

so honestly fuck your heyday. i'm proud of ah so much, for the amazing personal growth, for hiring more people that aren't just straight white cis men, for speaking out against bad politics and bigotry in the viewers, ect. there is no heyday because ah is getting better with each passing day.