#i need it to be fucking January already.
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Me: I need to get stuff made for the upcoming weeks of the rewatch
Also Me: makes shit completely unrelated to the rewatch over and over again
#on the upside I have so many things to post#on the downside I already did have so many things to post#i have shit i made back in january just chilling in my fucking drafts#i was making vintage photo edits of mota week to week and was gonna post them all when it finished#and then i went on a massive icon making spree#and i still havent finished posting all of those#and now we're on the rewatch#and luztoye week is during the last week of the rewatch too#and i don't have anything for that yet#instead im making a bazillion edits related to mitski songs#and other unrelated things like i just finished a set of wallpapers of the maps from the pacific#and I've still got other ideas unrelated to the rewatch to make too#I've got 49 fucking drafts rn#i need to be posting older stuff between rewatch stuff#but i can't next week bc ive got 5 things for next week#if you've read through all of these congrats send me an ask with something you want to see and I'll make that too#because why not or I can dedicate one of the things i've already made to you your choice#thank you#dana rambles
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So I know this isn't anything that like actually needs an apology but it'll make me feel a bit better to say it. Oof whoops this ABoT chapter is super late. Timing kinda sucks since I wanted to have some updates out while s3 was airing but
Been kinda mega busy and stressed since October with the whole condo buying thing which rolled right into immediate day 0 plumbing and boiler issues I had to get fixed and general moving hassle and financial commitment stress and I kinda just fried myself hard. Plus then acclimating to a new place without my familiar street or familiar grocery store or familiar room or any of that. Like there's no "just go home and take your mind off it" to this cuz home is the "it". So I'm just kinda enduring until I can calm the hell down.
And anyway I definitely have progress on ch47, like 7000-ish words of it, but it's the kind of like "there is writing there" and hasn't exactly hit the "there is substance there" that I want ABoT chapters to be. Like this in particular is a chapter I want to be good, not just be done. So it's taking time to get my brain somewhere that can do that.
#anyway#i mean just in case anyone was like wondering if its discontinued to anything#its still going i just can't make it Good quite yet#(plus i need to get furniture cuz as it stands the place is really quite empty and bare except for like my room and the kitchen)#(also the bank had my address wrong so they havent been able to send me any of the mortgage information which was technically due already)#(ive been in contact with them but it's a whole thing)#(plus im still not quite finished with all the utility switching. i still need to get water in my name)#(and the boiler issue fucked up my gas bill so now ive got a crazy high gas bill i just need to... pay)#(i have actually started seeing a therapist but thats a whole other Thing now figuring out insurance and deductables and using my HSA#account and just... it's a lot)#(oh also my homeowner's insurance policy number doesn't actually work for getting me into the online portal. and the geico guy said he was#looking into it but I havent heard anything in a while)#(its a lot im just gonna melt for a while i guess)#(plus all the upfront stress has made it really hard to associate the new place as 'home' instead of 'place of great many plumbing evils')#(i sat on like 4 million couches this week and the only one i really really like probably doesn't quite fit in my living room)#(the downstairs neighbors tv is too loud and i need to talk to her about it in a way which isn't 'hey im holding on by a thread and this#one small inconvenience is the thing which is making me turn into ash')#(oh thats right i have to go pay my january HOA dues...)#(oh also I need to file for the owner-occupied tax exemption thing now that its 2023)#anyway......... ill be normal eventually. im just not normal right now.#chrissy speaks
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i'm having a very strong urge to play the sims 2/the sims 3 rn ngl 😮💨
#the work stress is INSANE at this point and i'm determined to resign in early january due to shitty work conditions#we're relocating like 15 meters into a 'box' that's been built near the building we are at atm#and there's literally no heating nor a restroom in there#and it's fucking winter man! it's cold as shit here so i am not risking my not so well already health anymore#the amount of grey hair on my head doubled ever since i signed up for this job i can't do this anymore i need to look for a new job#not that it will be any less stressful of course but at least i won't have to break my head trying to fulfil the basic human needs#in 5 seconds in those 12 hours where we have no official break?? and if i try to close to use restroom at the current place ppl be banging#the door despite the sign to wait i'm doone#not even mentioning all the shit the coworker don't do so i have to do instead..#i just come here to vent and dissapear i am sorryyy 😭🥺 but i literally have no energy 😞
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OKAY RECKLESS ABANDON IS OFFICIALLY NO LONGER A WIP!!! FINISHED!!!
#reckless abandon tag#also yes i had to use the calculator app to get the word count total#everything is in separate docs rn so. whoops#anyway I can’t believe it’s done#well. the later chapters still need heavy edits but the drafts are complete#ugh what a relief#literally crying wait i already miss it#no it’s okay there’ll be sequels#ANYWAY! YAY!#cannot believe this took me all fucking year#I’ve literally been working on it since JANUARY#ten months… embarrassing…#to be fair i didn’t even touch it in the summer so#i started it when I was at my absolute lowest mentally and now here i am#it’s been with me thru all my ups and downs… fuckejfnfnfn#anyway if i think about that too much i’ll get emotional
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Will the stickers and prints make a come back in the future?
i'll run repeated pre-orders, yeah, but due to lack of equipment nothing is sent ready-made. so it should be about a month to a month and a half before i run a sale again (assuming nothing bad happens).
as a forewarning though, any sales run in april will likely be delayed by a few weeks as i'm going to be moving around then!
right now ive already got all my envelopes labeled, noted with the order amount, and pre-stamped so by the time i get these stickers in i should be able to send them out pretty much the day i get them. ive been slapping mailing addresses on envelopes pretty much the second i get them because im gonna be taking a big ass break for myself between tonight and the month it takes for my stickers/prints to get in.
#vu asks#i am so fucking determined to just relax for the next month#between november-january i went through so much shit and i really need a break#and MAN am i looking forward to it#i already get to see my best friend this coming friday im so goddamn ready
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This depression, have even less energy than usual, no motivation to do anything but have "me time" doing crafts in my room alone, shit better fucking end with January.
#marquilla#it's like i know part of it is the 10 day withdrawal shit and recovering from that pain/fatigue but like... idk i feel more selfish lately#like fuck you i aint making dinner i HURT while i turn my back and continue to mindlessly make scrunchies#i come home from work and rush through my chores so i can shower and lay down... like i want to want to help out but ...#i hate january i should up my vitamin d3 but i already take 5000ui daily (my bloodwork is fine thank you very much. i live in Ohio it is#necessary) like do i take 10k?? sgdgdgdg would that help me or kill me?? idr what organ is affected by VD3 overdose but egdggdgdgd#i remember one dr telling me with all my meds my liver should be damaged but its perfectly fine shdhdgd like bitch my body is deficient#and defective i need them to survive#anyway i want to like want to make dinner. i want to want to make stew or a roast in the crockpot for mom but my body says no#and my mind says fuck you.#im just so tired
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I was going to go get my windshield wipers replaced today but it's apparently too fucking cold for my car to start so that'll have to wait until tomorrow (:
#few things piss me off quite as much as going to do a stupid grownup thing#getting my coat and shoes on and all ready#only to be unable to do this stupid responsibility#btw if you were wondering why I need new windshield wipers#well one of them has been not great for a while#and the other one I accidentally SNAPPED IN HALF bc of the horrible cold and ice last week#I wanted to get it fixed LAST weekend but it was so cold that it was dangerous to leave my fucking house#so it had to get pushed off until today but apparently it's actually going to have to wait until TOMORROW#I NEED to get them fixed. there is rain in the forecast.#anyways I'm assuming the cold is why my car won't start#bc if it won't start when it warms up tomorrow I have SERIOUS PROBLEMS on my hands#bc I have a bunch of physical therapy appointments that I will need a car for!#just. one thing after another this month. January is punching me repeatedly in the gut#and I'm already v sensitive and tender there#speecher speaks
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For the first time ever, I had to bring work home with me. And of course, my husband (who just got back to work after being out a week with the flu) also had to bring work home.
At least MIL is nice enough to cook dinner for us
#this is gonna be fun#my almost retired boss just caught the flu that I had caught cuz it was going around the store#and this week they also had to cut back on my training hours so I didn't wipe the budget for the whole year in January#so I should have worked three more hours today#which funnily enough would have allowed me to finish my work#instead I'm home with a fuck ton of tags that need backings because they can't seem to understand they should be printed with backs already
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i have been sooooo depressed these past two days.......not entirely sure what's going on with that because it could be a number of things but i really wish i was still on vacation or at gavin's house rn </3
#upset gremlin noises#went from being in sunny warm l.a. to cold and snowy [redacted]#and i am being left alone for the entire day again which i know makes me feel shitty and insane#but also i was so depressed yesterday when my dad and brother were home too so i really can't win#i've cried like twice already today and i feel like i'm gonna start crying AGAIN#there was a brief period of time today when i felt like fine but for the most part i have been soooo depressed#idk if this is the bipolar disorder or the january blues or being sad i'm not on vacation anymore#or if it's being isolated in the woods again#or if it's because i need to do my shot because i missed last week's shot cause i was on holiday and didn't want to have to bring my stuff#with me because it's a hassle#or if it's because i miss my boyfriend so terribly....#literally just feel so fucking awful rn and idk why
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#im so stressed out rn about this grad school stuff#i have a meeting tomorrow with my advisor about questions i have but like god all this information online is so confusing & contradictory#some websites say grad school applications for fall 2024 close in december-january but most schools im looking at?? dont even start????#accepting applications until fucking march????? so what???? is the truth???????#and i dont know what i specifically want to study im bouncing between 2 and while yes they are EXTREMELY similar#i still cant decide between them and its giving me an identity crisis. like the similarity IS the problem its why i cant choose#i wish i was more decisive when it came to this stuff but im not and im just worried about spending all this fucking money to apply#to these schools and do all this research and work only to figure out. oh. this is not what i want.#and by then ive already spent so much money and im just. IM JUST!!!!!!!!!!#like i know what i want to do in a vague sense i know what my passion is i know what i love but within that are so many different options#and thats where i get stuck.#its been a night friends and im ready to scale the walls of my room and start howling at the moon#if anyone has any advice feel free to hit ya girl up bc lord knows i fucking need it lmao#personal
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i know steve dangle's overenthusiastic overinvested thing is his shtick, but i think it's legit that kind of talk that just like... contributes to the nightmare way ppl talk about the leafs in media lol. like we wonder why it's so bad but there aren't a ton of levelheaded people at the center of leafs fandom in any way.
#like...... todays lfr.......#kinda just pisses me off#the leafs have dealt with adversity wonderfully this season and one loss (after a WIN THIS SEASON) isnt emblematic of that much#i get that some ppl have been with the leafs and followed them a long time but like#ur expectations that the leafs arent capable of things is not helping anything... like theres never a reset for them#even when its not that simple....#i feel so... nfjdjdjd protective of the leafs honestly. ik its just frustration from fans#who have been around forever but it bothers meee that the narrative going into the playoffs will be theyre just gonna lose again#by their own fucking fans doing like . everyone else can clown but when u have guys acting like a random january game#against a team on a historic paced season is just. silly#i get that it FELT like playoffs but it was not#we literally beat them earlier this year. we hadnt lost to them in like 9 games or smth coming into that... its just#me getting triggered by everyone else getting triggered but im gonna need ppl to have some BELIEF#IDKKKK i feel the need to vent every time. i dont think breakdowns saying this is why the leafs are losers is a good thing to do after#a game they could have won fjdndjjd... like hes the same person that was callin them to blow up the team at the beginning of novem#its just. contributing to a media market thats already a nightmare for them. not helpful...... hate to see it#yes im coping but acting like the leafs dont want things bad enough is so stupid#ur not a coach and ur not even giving them helpful advice or breaking anything down analytically so like who are u helping...#everyone else seems to be a big fan but some of that consistently gets on my nerves#ANYWYA rant over gotta go to work#i love the leafs theyre winning the stanley cup this yr goodbye
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#school im gonna visit: hi! so the plan for the grad student weekend is for u to do tours and meetings friday#and then Saturday were gonna take u to a mountain pass where u can go cross country skiing or snowshoeing#me: WHAT???!! i live in the middle of the desert???? i have no snow gear???? its like 50 degrees here in January???#all my snow stuff is back in ohio 😭 so i guess i have to throw a bunch of money into buying snow gear so i dont freeze 😭😭😭#bc like im not gonna pass up the oppertunity to roll around in the snow. i loooove laying down in the snow with full snowgear on#but like fuck im gonna need pants and mittens and maybe boots. i mean itll b and investment bc those r probably good things to have anyway#if i end up going to that school especially. god i fucking hate shopping tho#whatever. it should b fun and ill get to see some snow#i guess there was snow on the mountain tops out here for a bit but i havent seen any actual snowfall this year. tho we did get a 2hr delay#bc it was supposed to snow and didnt. bc the southwest is weak to snow#hhhh im tired. i should sleep. and read papers. but mostly sleep bc i gotta run around a lot tomorrow morning :-P#and pray that i havent already broken a machine#unrelated
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was looking at the school systems in latin america and i think our ministries of education should come together n decide some sort of standard fr bc what a mess
#if they could come together to make our car plate look the same ugly ass shit they should come together to do something useful as well#they should copy paste whatever finland is smoking for basic school n then steal whatever cuba is doing in high education#me personally if i could choose i'd divide the basic years in 4 phases#first (til 4yo) second (til 8yo) third (til 12yo) fourth (16yo)#which is similar to what we have but its divided evenly now. also they should make the school hours shorter#no fucking person should be sitting in a chair for over 6h#three months of vacation is a perfect number to be honest (december january july)#oh n we should actually have decent extracurricular activities OR we should b able 2 choose the classes we need#sure make a standard curriculum for ppl who dont know what theyre doing w their life but also let the rest of us bitches choose#i DID NOT need that many chemistry or biology classes. i was not interested then and im not interested now#and also that insane amount of math classes was unnecessary too. even if i use math in uni now#a perfect curriculum for me would be 25% language 25% history + geography 25% math 10% art or PE 5% sciences#these bitches had me doing 40% math 40% portuguese 20% all sciences + random philosophy#oh n while i think a test to get into university is good it should not be like a straight line bc every student is different#for example when i did ENEM the first time i was baffled on how insane the math and sciences part were#(i love the language history and geography part tho) like i think we should also be able to choose that#like when we sign up we say what uni and course we wanna take and then do a test that has nothing to do with it#we should be able to get a personalized test from the already existing database. for example#if im going to do architecture then my test needs more math physics and history. but not as much language geography and fuckass chemistry#even though i LOVE language and geography#wait this rant went too personal already. anyway change the schooling system#and also fix the way teachers are being taught to teach and also pay them better and fund better infrastructure#cos literally til when are politicians gonna put the tax money up their ass? girl you cant even give 30% to education? kill yourself <3#the way latin america will be stuck in the lower top 50 in education for the next decades is crazy
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okay basically to give some context for my venting yesterday- because i want to-
i got caught off guard by ANOTHER unexpected delay, when I expected us to be stable finally, and closing on the house sale is now gonna take anywhere from 3 more weeks to 3 more months, and that seriously upset me. everything is moving forward and we'll sort it out, that just really upset me yesterday cause i was already not feeling so great. whenever my Expected Patterns are interrupted it REALLY upsets me. so. everything is gonna turn out i was just very tired and already kind of upset yesterday @-@
#repeating Fuck it We Ball to myself in increasing tones of distress#my dad has a habit of telling me info on important stuff like he knows for sure#what will happen next#when he actually doesnt#and i dont blame him for it#or anything#cause neither of us have ever sold a house before lmfao#its just real bad for me cause im very autistic abt my patterns#I Need my Patterns & Stability#our situation is already real unpredictable#BUT we're still likely to get out of here before next january#the guy buying our house is insanely nice#and our neighbors have been super helpful to my dad#so has his sister#so its a fucked up situation but we'll scrape by and be free soon enough#@-@ sooner rather than later i hope#rotthoughts
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So, it's currently about 10°C outside, I need to wear a jacket inside, and my upstairs tenants are running MULTIPLE air conditioners.
Are my tenants (on an "utilities included" rental agreement) being assholes, or is this just "landlord brain" kicking in? 'Cuz seriously, I can't afford the bill from the ppl upstairs, & they don't seem to give a shit... am I missing something?
#also they've moved an extra person in without declaring them as an occupant#remember: I'm paying for the hot water & any extra utility use#how much of an asshole would I he for charging them for a 10% share of the electric & gas bill for the person they LIED about?#1/10 seems like a eay more reasonable amount than‚ say#the 1/6 I could challenge for based on OCCUPANCY rather than assumed use...#but. like. the tenant said her bf would be gone by the end of January & it's March#& I set the rent on the part of my home I don't NEED to cover what my crippled ass couldn't of the mortgage+taxes#so this isn't about profit‚ it's about a crippled queer holding onto a home that cost half a meter of intestine+#+& tyese assholes already stored thete rancid trash by my dad's sweaters#-blocking access to the fucking fuse box!-#'cuz I told them I don't NEED 100% of the space the contact gave me & didn't mind them using the extra to a reasonable degree...#& my mom can't even pull fully into my side of the driveway 'cuz the L driver took my spot#& they're pissing off the neighbours#who are calling the city#basically they're screwing me over 😬🖖#they literally told me that one tenant's partner was staying til the end of January#I didn't agree to pay for him to do laundry until MAY!#& I bought a YEAR'S worth of dryer sheets in January & the box is almost empty...#like. srsly#I'm also charging like 10% below average‚ NOT including the utilities agreement#I am being as fair as I can while still feeding myself#aita for being pissed off about this?#Edit: there's 4 declared occupant; i didn't raise the rent when they wnt from 3#to 4 tenants b/c I had accounted for a 4th 'guest'#5 is where I start having issues#especially when he's been here 'a couple of months' in MAY when I was told he was leaving in JANUARY...
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Miss not to shit on the sudden luck but how do you think I could take a decision this big that will affect at least two months of my life for two days from now in like. One minute.
#'there's a free spot for that (may i add fucking) hip operation but it's for the day after tomorrow' girl it's gonna be christmas in#six days i have relatives home. i have exams in January i TOLD YOU#'the doctor said to me that you are a priority' well thank you. i need to graduate first my health literally comes last right now#also i can't stress enough how much i had told them already#sorry#rant
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