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kkusuka · 3 years

Text

HQ Middle blocker kinks <3

@xxxxtanaxxxx request hq kinks but middle blocker version please 🥺

I'm gonna be honest i wasn't gonna do this buuut here it is

i have a setter one in the works and here is the ace version!

here is the setter version <3

Characters: Tsukishima Kei, Kuroo Tetsuro, Suna Rintaro, Satori Tendo, Taichi Kawanishi, Issei Matsukawa, Takanobu Aone,, Shoyo Hinata, Lev Haiba Shugo Meian (MSBY captain), and Yutaro Kindaichi

Mentioned female anatomy, but mostly gn

content warning: consensual non-con, humiliation, public sex, exhibitionism, voyeurisms, degradation, bondage, sex toys, cockwarming, edging, soft priamal/prey, mentions of house break-ins, pegging, size kink, overuse of the word Daddy, face fucking, hickeys

i think thats all?

buckle up, this is gonna be looooong.

Tsukishima Kei

Degradation

This is a given, my mans has a mouth on him, AND HE KNOWS HOW TO USE IT

He says the most vulgar things in your ears (and you love it)

His nickname for you is Cum-dump, and he calls you that so much that you’ve started to respond to it. “Hey, Cum-dump! Come here” “ok Tsukki”

And when he’s cumming? A slew of insults just come out

“You whore, oh, you fucking cum-slut, you’d let anyone do this to you won't you”

And it's not limited to this!

“You're just a hole”

“You only exist for me to fuck, Right? You're just a glorified fleshlight”

“You're only good for sucking my cock”

“I should just leave you chained to the wall so I can fuck you anytime I want, that's all you're good at so you should love it”

It won’t even be only during sex

You could literally be just studying with him and he’ll just lean over and say “ you want to be fucked right now don't you? In front of all these people, I bet you’d love it Cum-dump”

Humiliation

Goes with a dirty mouth

He’ll flip your skirt while walking in front of groups of other students

He purposely sucks hickeys where your uniform does not cover and then laughs at you because you're just such a slut.

One of his favorite things to do is have you wear a vibrator in school, only on days where you have to do something in front of the class

No worries he has the remote and turns it alllllll the way up during the middle of your presentation, you just look so cute all red!

He’ll make it better!!

You can cum in front of the class, let everyone know how much of a whore you are!

Purposeful neglect

He wants you so horny you can’t think

If that means not giving you attention for FIVE DAYS so be it.

No touching yourself and if he finds out you did he’ll ignore you for longer and you don’t want that do you?

You will wait for him to touch you.

He’ll also just ignore you.

No begging, he doesn't care, he doesn't want to hear it.

Don't touch him, stop being a brat or you won’t get off for a whole week.

Bondage

It's all about control <3

Having you tied up and immobile is the best way to show how little you are.

He’ll tie you up and put you on the couch with a vibrator and just watch movies, unable to rock your hips

This seems cruel but he’ll tie your hands up and make you eat dinner with just your mouth <3

He’ll make you watch tv with a ball gag in

He’ll have a riding crop in his hands when you study and he’ll hit your little clit/silt with it every time you get a question wrong

Kuroo Tetsuro

Pet names

Literally any kind o endearment, but mainly switches between Kitten and Baby Girl/Boy(i am swooning right now)

He WILL call you these in front of people and out loud in public

He’s called you them in front of your parents in front of Kenma in the middle of the grocery store.

So you're wondering, why does that matter? People do that all the time!

Well, he calls you them so you remember how he completely ruined your little body and how his cum is still dripping out of you <3

And its cannon that he has a sexy voice, and it drops and gets deeper when he calls you them.

Thigh highs

It doesn't matter in you have the biggest thighs ever or just a bone, if you wear any kind of thigh highs (bonus points for Cat ones) he will be ready to bust a nut

It's not only him that gets off on them, especially when he takes them off

He’ll climb over you and use his teeth to pull them down to your feet and he’ll kiss and bite his way back up to do the other one.

He also will sometimes leave them on to rail you into your bed, when this happens he puts your legs over your shoulders and squishes his head between them.

(kuroo loves thighs, and that's that)

Caregiver

He's taken care of Kenma all his life, and you bet your ass he’ll do it for you

This means he gives the best aftercare you could imagine, I’m talking bubble baths

He’ll cook for you in nothing but an apron, and he’ll tease you when you get all flushed and cute!

You had a bad day? He’ll eat you out for hours until you’re all cuddly and tired.

He’ll fuck you slow where you need it and he’ll kiss all the pain away <3

He just loves having you dependent on him makes him so happy and thankful to have you!

Threesomes

Mainly for Kenma, but he let bokuto have a turn and even convinced Tsikki to give it a try!

He really just wants to show off that you’re his what better way to show you off then let some of them get a taste of something they’d never have.

Favorite position for this? Split roasting/ Eiffel towering

He's the one who you're sucking on, and he’s so far down your throat making him suck you deeper and deeper until you’re drooling all over his balls like a good Kitten

Whoever he sharing you with would be in you following whatever Kuroo tells them to do

Rub your clit? Yes Sir.

Faster. Yup

Slowdown Kittens being bad so she doesn't get to get off <3

Suna Rinatro

Purposeful neglect

Just like Tsukki, he wants you hot and bothered all the time

He will just sit around and scroll on his phone while you’re whining :(

Just let him watch this video and he’ll get you off!

Will never tell you but you just look so cute, all needy and horny for him.

Sometimes he’ll slip you a libido pill and just watch the world burn.

He will wait until you have ruined whatever shorts you’re wearing (and he’ll take them) and THEN he will help his poor needy baby

Cockwarming

Almost every time he games, he puts you on his dick

you already know it’s happening when he takes the controller out

He says it's because he doesn't want to “leave you out”

No moving on him though, if you8 move it could distract him and you do not want him to lose, losing means being pounded into the floor until you can't think, then being ignored the rest of the day “horny sluts can sit on the floor until they need to be used”.

But if all goes well, he’ll go soft in between rounds and will suck on your neck and will let you cuddle into him during the rounds

But when Suna if feeling a bit more adventurous he will put his headset on you and fuck you with all of his friends listening

And if that's not bad enough they all clearly know what’s happening id Osamus soft coo’s and Gin’s little comments (but it's not like they want it to stop anyway)

Edging

Will literally just do this out of nowhere

You thought you were finally gonna cum, then nothing

HE WILL just do things for hours to see you cry and begging or him to just let you cum

He’ll stick four fingers in you and bring you to your climax and just leave you on the edge

He won't even have a reason, you were being good, you let him play his game and he does this?

Que pouty bby

Video/Photography

We all saw this coming-

But he takes it a step further than just having a photo collection of you

He has a personal private story with just you in it where he put videos of you riding him or sucking his dick fo you to “see how slutty you are”

that's not even it, he sends you a picture of you naked in the middle of work, with no shame either

Thus one time you were showing a coworker a shirt you had bought and he texted you and the picture showed up. It was awkward for the next few days.

But these don't even compare to how he has an entire Instagram account (private of course) of your nodes and videos of the two of you fucking.

One extra little thing is that you both watch porn together for ideas.

Satori Tendou

(i could make him a post of his own-so so many kinks for Satori)

Humiliation (mentions of pee)

This can range from calling you names to making you touch yourself in public

He’s called you a pillow princess in the middle of class, in front of your teacher

It had gotten so bad they Ushijima had to ask what a “cum-dumpster was” because Satori had called you that in front of the team.

He doesn't even introduce you as his S/O, hw=e would call you an escort or that you were just his personal fuck toy.

This kink goes so far that when you were on a double date with Semi, under the table Tendo had his hand literally in your pants.

**One of his favorite things is to make you hold your pee in until you are almost peeing yourself, isn't that embarrassing that you're a grown adult who’s about to wet yourself?

Overstimulation

He wants to see you a complete mess all over him

The main goal of all of this is to make you squirt or begin to have dry orgasms

He will not stop until he’s happy or you say your safe word (which is rare)

One orgasm just isn't enough for him :/

And it's a big boost of confidence for him!

he‘s proud to know he can make you cum so much you cant even think!

Dacryphilia

This AND overstim?

Good luck

He can't even explain why it turns him on so much.

You just look so beautiful with tears streaming down your face all fucked out

It always hits him at the worst times too, you crying over a bad grade? A pretty tear falling over your soft cheeks. Hard.

Just watched a sad movie, he’s ready to pound you into the couch.

Anal

Oh ho ho

This can be one of two things, he does it because it feels good

He does it as punishment

That means no lube

No adjusting to his dick

And no extra pleasure to help you get off

He’s so mean </3

Taichi Kawanishi

This man screams pornstar

Public sex

This man is unstable

You could just be walking in public and he just decides he wants to fuck.

Who are you to stop him?

Just let him get this out real quick you can shop later.

Exhibitionism

The thought of being in the open? This man loves it

And you don't really have a choice but to love it

Every time you go to the beach he just has his dick in you, in the ocean sitting in his lap while eating lunch

He doesn't even care who sees

Children? Who cares, look away or whatever

Getting caught

It doesn't even matter who it is

If someone walks in when you're doing it he’s cumming

It's just hot

He doesn't need to explain it to you

he also makes u take nudes and had them as his homescreen for a while

Issei Matsukawa

I’d let this man kill me-

Leather/ latex

LEATHER GLOVES

He wears them when he fingers you so he can make fun of how wet you made them.

He dresses you up in these pretty little pastel dresses (gender to heel, he doesn't care, you look hot weather your a boy, girl, or not) and he wears all black (goth daddy Mattsun) and his gloves to fuck you in his leather-covered fist.

That's not even it

He has an entire bin of different colored chokers and leashes just for his pretty baby

Along with that, he has a shelf of latex thigh highs for you to wear and even has an entire outfit for you to wear and show off to him.

Ddlg/b/n-Lifestyle

This is why he has a lot of things that you wear!

He loves to take care of you all the time!

He loves to make his baby food and love to watch movies with you

And you love him so much too!

You would do anything for Daddy!

And he takes you shopping and to restaurants, and if you want literally anything big or small all you have to do is look up at him with puppy dog eyes and a “Daddy, please!!” and boom his credit card is already out.

Size kink

Big dick Mattsun-

This all comes back to the fact that you are so beautiful

And big dick little hole, who doesn't love that??

He sure does, don't worry though he always makes sure to prep you

Except if it's punishment- he doesn't like it he swears! He’d never want to hurt you!

And you’d believe it until your crying on his cock and it throbs ://

But if it still hurts, and it does, he’ll let you go your pace and sink all the way down onto his cock<3

Fun fact the first time he went into your ass he tried to with no lube and you couldn't sit for DAYS

Voyeurism (receiving)

Makki Makki Makki

I would say he was into Cuckolding but its always him doing the watching while Issei fucks you

And Makki loves it too if his constant praises and coo’s said anything about it.

And Mattsun just gets off on the fact his best friend is watching something he’ll (maybe if you're not into it) never fully have

Mattsun also likes having you tied up an watching him fuck a fleshlight of just jerking off

You look so pathetic :)

extra for big dick mattsun, he Shows all of his friends <3

I am a whore for the Seijoh 4

You bet Makki has an entire folder of pic of you, whether they are of you dripping cum or just with your legs open.

Even if he says he doesn't save them, you know Iwa has gotten off you a recording of you moaning and asking for Daddy’s cock

And Oikawa is always asking for more (the little manwhore), he says they are “references” for him, liar, he jerks off to them in his bathroom.

Takanobu Aone

It's always the quiet ones-

I just gotta get these first two out-

Consensual non-con

I can just TELL he like to pretend to break into your house

Pretend you're so scared and you don't like it

Tying you up and listening to your little cries, awwwwweeee

You were just too pretty to ignore

Just let him have a taste, stop crying he knows you want it just as much as he does

Primal/prey

He wants to feel like he earned his reward

A perfect little trophy for him to use as a toy

His dick in your tiny dripping hole is all the reward he needs

It's like you're a pretty innocent bunny and he’s a big fox just waiting for the right time to strike :)

Soft sex/ praise

I know what I said up there

But none of that means he doesn't love just setting you down on the bed with candles and rose petals and just making love

Soft music in the background and worshipping every inch of your skin

You need to be vocal though!

Tell him how pretty he is when he cums, and how perfectly his dick fits in your hole!

Tell him how soft he looks and how he is making your nipples feel like heaven.

Aftercare- bc I am also soft for aone and he is a good guy

Bubble baths and chocolate

Movies and cuddling

All of this makes him so glad that he found you

Especially when you cuddle into him all sleepily and tired.

Shoyo Hinata

oh he is so pretty-

Mutual masturbation

It's the perfect way to experience pleasure

He can see you in all your glory

All of the faces he sometimes misses when he’s fucking you!

He also learns from it!

He sees the angle your fingers go to hit that sweet spot so the next time he’s in you he knows where to aim!

(he is so precious-)

Pegging

You wanted to try it so he almost immediately agreed-

But it felt good!

The two of you reserved what one you wanted so the one he picked was almost made for him.

Plus, you look ridiculously good with the strap on-

And he voices that as much as he can!

And sometimes when he rides the strap he just watches it going in and out and in and out

(you also think this is SUPER hot but won't tell him :/)

Riding

It doesn't matter if it's you or him

Watching you fall apart on his cock without him doing a thing makes him cum harder than anything

Sometimes he gets so excited that he comes before you and makes you stay there until he’s hard again, which doesn't take long at all.

when it's him?

he’ll go for hours just to hear you tell him how good he is and how pretty he looks

Lingerie

Especially pastel babydolls

But nothing you wear could ever make you look bad in his eyes

Ok he likes it when you keep the lingerie on too like he’s fucking you and you till have a little nightgown/crop top on

Lord he will BUUUUUUSSSTTT

Lev Haiba

Size kink

Unintentionally too

He didn't even know it, but he did know that he liked that you were so much smaller than him.

He likes to put your hand to him and just look at the difference and before he knew it he was painfully hard

On the occasion, he makes fun of you saying his dick is just too big for you and you can't handle it, but then you get on your knees and he shuts up real quick

Praise kink

A given

He wants to know how good he makes you feel at all times

It doesn't have to be words either!

loud moans explanations of pleasure all drive him to move faster and faster!

Even yelling “oh god!” gets him off

He makes you feel that good huh?

Wall sex

Just playing on the size kink thing

He loves to just pick you up and fuck with reckless abandon

Gets a way better angle too- bet you didn't think he would realize that

He also likes to watch the combination of your juices drip to the floor-

Shugo Meian (MSBY captain)

Sexiest team-

Daddy/ Captain kink

Just look at him, he screams Daddy louder than you do when he’s fucking you

He takes pride in being Captain meaning he’ll fuck you for hour if the word even falls from your lips

And yes you have said it (daddy) front of the team and he did get hard, and the both of you did fuck in the locker room of the gym for an hour before you got kicked out

Even in arguments you better call him daddy, he will stop and fuck you into the ground for it

Angry or not you WILL use his title

Spanking

Will threaten you with this almost everyday

He just uses it as an excuse to touch your ass

He makes you count after each one and makes you thank him

It would look a bit like this

“Five! Thank you Daddy!” “Good Baby, five more”

But that doesn’t mean when you really deserve it that he won't unleash the wrath of god onto your poor ass

But after he’ll kiss it all better and Daddy will reward you for taking your punishment well

Controlled orgasms

By this i mean that you wont cum unless he says so

And you have to ask

Aka “Daddy please let me cum, I really want to”

And depending on what he’s feeling maybe you’ll get to cum then

And if not you’ll have to wait like a good Girl/Boy and cum when he does, which could late literally forever.

but its better than disobeying his orders, which could lead to him completely pulling out and just jerking off to cum on you :((

Deepthroating/ Face Fucking

Nothing is better to him than coming home to you on your knees and mouth open and ready

But when he’s all pent up from practice and he sees you?

Rip your throat, you aren't talking for a few days

He’ll literally fuck your face no question

He’ll put his dick so far down your throat you could feel it in your stomach

Yutaro Kindaichi

Hate sex

He just makes everyone angry

And he gets off on it

You look so fucking delectable all red faced and angry

Makes him want to just slam into right then and there

Dom/Sub

Clearly he wants to be in control

Controlling someone is just such a turn-on for him

Looking all pretty doing exactly what he wanted you too <3

Hickeys

Wants to show off that you are his

What better way than marking up your neck with pretty bruises

Plus he likes how you get all shy when people look at them

2K notes · View notes

twinklelilstarkey · 3 years

Text

Cuddles - Mathew Barzal

Words: 2.7k+

Type: Fluff

Summary: Every time Mat comes back from a roadie, he becomes the clingiest person known to Earth, which means that he will do absolutely anything to get your attention and his god damn cuddles.

Warnings: PDA - just Mat being really touchy and stuff. There isn’t a mention on reader’s gender.

Mathew is not really the type of person that constantly seeks affection. He just likes his own space from time to time. Especially outside of the house, he’ll hold your hand but he’s not one to hug you out of nowhere, unlike some couples in your friend group.

But, that is only when he hasn’t been away from you for some time. If, for example, you two go spend the holidays with your families (separated), Mathew is not leaving your side when you’re back together. He absolutely will not let you go to do anything.

So you better take the week off work, every time, you got a man to cuddle.

And now that you two have been dating for a longer time, officially living under the same roof and doing everything like a whole married couple, Mathew’s seeking for affection after being away is through the roof. Like, he’s out for 2 weeks for a roadie, expect that men to hug you by the bus and never let go of you until you need to pee.

You believe that it might be because he now gets so used to seeing you everywhere in the house that when he leaves, he has that silence and that person missing.

Yet, still, you never, in a million years, expected him to take his hugs so seriously.

And that is exactly what’s happening right now. He went out for a long roadie, which he can’t complain much because the Islanders won a lot and he had a great time with his friends, but, god damn it, he hated that he had to spend such a long time away from you and just staring at you through a screen.

He came back home late at night, around 4 in the morning, and even though you two felt exhausted - and you were half asleep - he still hugged you and stayed with his arms around you for a good 5 minutes. That is even without closing the front door when he came in.

And when you did reach the bed, you two fell asleep in just a few seconds.

You were able to wake up, naturally, early and Mathew looked so peaceful when you woke up that you tried your best not to move too much and wake him on accident. That man needs rest, and you seriously can’t take that away from him.

So, you used your silent Sunday morning to the best of your ability, did a lengthy morning routine, just to have that moment with yourself in calm days: take a long relaxing shower, and even do a mask and test new products on your face.

You’re honestly living your best life.

And even after those good 40-50 minutes in the bathroom, Mathew is still asleep when you walk out.

So, you decide to go have breakfast and probably, just if you’re feeling like it, clean the apartment - an activity you’ve been hesitating to do for days, but, sooner or later, you do have to do it.

And you, like the brave soul that you are, started working on it as soon as you can. Literally downed your coffee like a shot, ate a granola bar, and cleaning you went.

The living room and bathrooms were fairly easy and quick, but as soon as you started with the kitchen, a wild sleepy Mathew makes an appearance.

“Morning.” You say with a smile.

With his eyes still half-closed yet a grin on his face, Mathew walks over to you, slowly starting to open his arms. You put down the rag onto the counter and meet him halfway to wrap your arms around his torso. His arms wrap around your shoulders and squeeze you close.

He leans his cheek onto your head and you close your eyes, feeling and enjoying Mathew’s warmth through the thin shirt you’re wearing.

“How did you sleep?” You ask him.

“Good. I was so tired.” He says while letting out a sigh.

You squeeze him one time and move your head back to stare up at him. He looks down to meet your gaze and gives you a quick kiss, almost as if he’s stealing one.

“What do you want to do today?” He asks you, and you can’t help but hold in a cringe.

“I don’t know if we can do anything exciting today.” You tell him slowly.

“Why?” He asks with a confused frown.

“I have a lot to do today.” You start, “I have to finish cleaning the house, probably go grocery shopping and do my meals for the week.”

A loud and long groan leaves Matthew’s mouth as he throws his head back dramatically and you unwrap your arms from around him to hold his sides.

“I’m sorry.” You try to make it better with a soft tone. “Were you planning on doing anything?”

He brings his head back up and shakes his head.

“Just wanted to spend time with you.” He says before pulling you into a hug again, “And cuddle.” He says against your neck.

You wrap your arms around him again and run your hand up and down his back comfortingly.

“I’m still going to be at home. I just won’t be able to cuddle until I’m done with everything.” You tell him and he sighs dramatically. “You can always help me? So I’m done with all of this quicker.”

Mathew stays silent, still snuggled into your neck, and doesn’t even move a muscle.

Accepting his silence as an answer of ‘no, thank you’ or even ‘let me wake up first and I’ll answer you’, you try to move away from him, laying your hands by his sides again and pushing him away ever so slightly. But, right as Mathew feels the pressure of you pulling him away, he stops you by squeezing you a bit closer.

“Nooo.” He whines, making you laugh, “Just a few more seconds.”

(...)

Mathew, surprisingly, after his long morning shower and eating his breakfast (over the table you just cleaned), actually offered to help. He ignored your surprised look, looked at you, and just asked “what do you need me to do?”.

And off Mat went to clean your room and make the bed. You just finished off with the kitchen and swept some floors, and, honestly, you don’t think you’ve ever got everything done so quickly.

With Mathew still in the bedroom, you decide to start working on the list of groceries. Opening every cabinet and the fridge multiple times, you typed into your phone’s notes what is missing and what you’ll eventually need in a space of a few hours after cooking.

While deep into your task, you don’t notice Mat coming back from the bedroom with the full dirty laundry basket - mostly because he just emptied his travel bag and just changed the sheets. He walks through the kitchen to the laundry room and yet you don’t blink an eye in his direction.

You are so focused that Mat is starting to think that someone could rob the apartment, right now, and you wouldn’t even notice them.

When the laundry is separated and some of it is already on the machine, which is already on, Mat walks back out to the kitchen and notices you typing on your phone.

“Do you want to go to get the food before lunch?” He asks you, in hopes you would answer him.

You just nod, while scrolling through the list to see if you didn’t repeat anything.

Mat stares at you for a bit, taking a second or two to admire you - something he was unable to do for a good few days. He takes a few steps closer, almost as if testing the waters, and stands right beside you.

He acts as if he’s checking the list you’re writing, and leans in close to you. You, still in your own world, pay him no mind and continue to type and check at least 3 times in the row if anything is missing on the list.

His arms sneakily wrap around your hips and he pulls you closer to him to the point of completely having you against him. He lays a kiss on the side of your head and looks down at your phone again, not wanting to disrupt you too much.

Your vacant hand lays over his arm, caressing it unconsciously as you delete a few words and type some new ones.

“Want to go to the store with me?” You ask him.

You look up at him as Mat doesn’t say anything and when your eyes meet, he gives you a quick nod. You smile at him and he kisses your cheek.

(...)

“You know...” You start while looking at the shelves down the aisle, “You’re making it really hard to walk, babe.”

“I don’t know what you mean by that.”

You laugh at Mat and he smiles against your shoulder. He has been doing this every time the aisle you’re walking down is empty - which is almost every aisle. He has his arms around your waist and is holding you from behind close to him while you try to walk with the shopping cart right in front of you.

You don’t even know how many times you’ve tripped over each other’s feet, but Mat doesn’t seem to mind it at all.

You look down at your list and delete the name of another item as you throw it inside the cart.

“You look really beautiful today.” Mat says against your ear before pressing a kiss over the side of your head.

You look over at him and he leans his head back to look at you better, as well. A small grin lifts off the corners of your lips and he smiles before giving you a kiss.

As you two pull away, you turn your attention back to the aisle in front of you.

“Good to know I just look like that today.” You say to him in the most serious tone ever.

Mat giggles at your words beside your ear and soon your serious act lifts off. In your defense, it’s hard to do so when he’s that close to your ear, giggling his sanity away.

“You know what I mean.” He says while poking your side.

“You’re lucky I do.”

He smiles brightly and goes back to leaning his head over your shoulder. Good thing for him, the store is almost empty, so he can do that for most of the time you’re here.

You stop the cart once more and start, with the best of your ability, putting the things you need from the shelves into the center of the cart.

Soft humming is heard a few meters behind you, yet both you and Mat seem to ignore it. An old lady, with a little basket on her hand, walks down the aisle innocently, looking through the products on the shelves, and as she studies all the varieties, her eyes land on you.

Her view is quite interesting. You’re looking down at your phone, lifting your gaze to squint at what’s in front of you - what she assumes is the signs about each aisle - and a man, Mat, is with his dark hair mostly covered by his hoodie, even though some strands are falling to his forehead, hugging you close to him while peeking down at your phone.

If she wasn’t such a romantic person, she would’ve thought about and probably criticized - in her mind - how clingy you both looked. Yet she’s not one to turn her nose in disgust at such things, quite the opposite. She’s the one that smiles upon seeing them.

“Mat, can you pass me that bag?” She hears you ask the boy while giving him a pat on the head to get his attention.

He doesn’t verbally answer, but, right away, he stands upright and reaches up for the bag your pointing at the top of the shelves.

“Wait- Not that one.” You told him.

“Why not?” He frowns in confusion.

“It doesn’t look good.”

He gives you a look as if you’re going crazy and grabs your wished bag of sugar while listening to you giggle at his annoyance. When the bag reaches the center of the cart, he goes back to behind you and goes back to his warm, kind of, hiding place.

And that’s when the lady decides to not stare for much longer, in hopes she wouldn’t spook anyone, and walks away to continue her shopping.

You, without even blinking at Mat’s actions, start moving forward out of the aisle and onto the next one. And that’s when your eyes land on the lady, who is walking by you now, at a way faster pace - you got to blame Mat for that one; you swear that a sloth moves faster than you two.

(...)

“Are you done, now?” Mat asks for probably the 100th time in the past hour.

You put down the rinsed pan on the washing machine and finally look back at Mat while closing it.

“Yes.”

“Really?” He asks with widened eyes, “Or are you joking?”

“I’m 100% serious.”

Mathew stands from the high chair of the island and walks over to you right away. He grabs onto your hand and starts pulling you towards the living room and couch, finally going after what he has been wishing all day long. His god damn cuddles.

You have been cooking for the past hour and some more minutes for your meals to eat during the week for work - a habit you’ve started having for a few months and can’t seem to not do it when there’s a big week incoming.

In other words, the restaurants around your work aren’t that great, you’re tired of sandwiches and you’ve been finding yourself too tired during the week to do lunch in the morning or on the night before. So, meal prepping, it is.

You and Mathew walk into the living room and he’s quick to snatch the largest blanket you had just folded this morning. He lets go of your hand before giving a look, almost as if to tell you, ‘don’t you dare move’.

You smile at him as he lays over the couch and motions you to come closer. He grabs onto the tv remote first, probably to get a movie going, just for background noise, and you lay with him.

Your face lays over Mat’s chest comfortably and you feel him shake the blanket around before draping it over the two of you. A little grin is planted over your face as he practically starts tucking you in, close to him.

As soon as the movie is chosen, Mat’s arms wrap around you and he pulls you even closer.

The both of you stare at the TV in silence. You’re just curious to see what movie he chose, while Mat just wants to see if the movie is any good.

But then, suddenly, an uneasy feeling hits the end of your tummy.

Oh no, he’s going to absolutely hate you.

How are you even supposed to tell him this?

You try to focus on the screen and forget about all your needs. You just got to focus, Y/N, come on.

Not even five minutes later, you feel like you can’t hold it in anymore. Ugh, just do it.

“Hey, Mat?” You ask, tone a little hesitant.

“Yeah?” He asks, moving his hand up and down your back.

“I need to tell you something and, please, don’t be mad.”

Mathew frowns and looks away from the screen at you. He’s confused, you can tell. You can’t really blame him, you were just fine a few minutes ago, and now you sounded like you were about to unleash a bomb.

“Okay...?” He says almost as if to encourage you to talk, since you stayed very quiet.

“I might need to go pee.” You tell him.

His hand abruptly stops moving on your back and his expression of confusion falls into an expression of disbelief.

“Are you serious?” He asks.

“Yeah.” You say, biting your lips as if to keep in your giggles.

“How dare you?”

A giggle finally escapes your mouth and you notice his lips twitching slightly as he tries not to smile and continue his serious act.

“I’ll be right back, yeah?” You tell him as you start sitting up on your knees.

“Screw you.” He tells you and you laugh again.

You’re quick on standing back on your feet and make your way to the bathroom, very fast-paced.

“I love you too, Barzal!” You tell him as you walk out of the room.

Hope this is good!

#mathew barzal #mathew barzal imagine #mathew barzal imagines #mathew barzal x reader #hockey imagines #hockey imagine #nhl imagines

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mellowswriting · 3 years

Text

Cuddling

**This was the most requested headcanon and I had so much fun writing it! Enjoy!!

Mando:

There were many things Mando didn’t realize he was missing out on until he met you. Basic things, like a healthy eating and sleeping schedule or having someone to just exist with in his ship. But the first time you curled up against him with your head tucked into his neck and one arm tossed over his chest… well, he was damn glad it was pitch black in the bunk so you couldn’t see how red his face had become.

How had he missed out on this for so long? The skin on skin, the feeling of your heartbeat and slow, peaceful breathing… having you in his arms is absolute heaven.

Once he realizes just how much he loves cuddling you, Mando will pull you against him literally whenever he wants. He loves pulling you into his lap when he’s piloting, especially when you straddle his thighs and just snuggle right into him, chest to chest. The amount of times he��s slung his arm over your shoulder and tucked you into his side while you sat in some cantina makes you automatically slide closer to him without a second thought.

He doesn’t really have a favorite way to cuddle you - anytime he has his hands on you is a good time - but he does particularly enjoy the post-sex, hazy cuddling. Your hands wander in the darkness, your fingers trail down his sternum and over his belly, along his ribs. It almost tickles, but your touch feels so damn good. The warmth of his skin against yours, still sweat slick and sensitive, soothes a need deep inside him to have you close and safe.

Frankie ‘Catfish’ Morales:

Frankie is a very hands on lover. If it isn’t the all-encompassing press of his entire body against yours, he’s at the very least got one hand on you somewhere. He’ll pull your legs into his lap while the two of you are sitting on the couch together, curl one hand over your inner thigh while he’s driving and singing along to the radio in his truck, tuck his hand into your back pocket while you’re out in public together.

But if he had his way, Frankie would just crush you into his bed every second of every day. He’s the type to wrap his arms around you and tuck one leg between your thighs and just… hold you close. It’s one of the few times where his mind can go peacefully blank, all his worries and stress falls away and the only thing that he can focus on is the warmth of your skin.

Frankie loves either almost or completely naked cuddling. As much skin on skin as he can manage, and this man is in heaven.

He prefers to spoon you, to wrap you up in his arms and bury his face in your hair. He can feel your breathing, every shift of your body in your sleep, and on the nights where he can’t sleep, it’s easy to ground himself with the line of your entire body against his.

Another thing about Frankie? He’s possessive. Not in a demeaning way, but it’s just that… you’re his, just like he’s yours. The boys rib him about it hard, too, but it doesn’t deter him. Frankie will still pull you into his lap and latch those greedy hands onto your thighs or ass with a shrug. No shame with this one.

Javier Peña:

Ugh. This man.

For someone who claims not to love it, he’s an amazing cuddler. He presses kisses all over your shoulder, face, and neck, rubs his hands over your arms and thighs in soothing circles, and just… holds you. Tight and firm against his chest, which rumbles so nicely as he mumbles about anything that pops into his head as he tries to fall asleep.

He grumbled the first few times but once you get situated against him, good luck getting away. The few times you’ve tried to get up to pee or get water always results in him pulling you closer the second you start to wiggle away and almost whining when you finally break free. If you give him a few kisses and promise to come back to him immediately, he’ll let you go. But if you’re gone longer than a couple minutes, he’s coming to find you and drag you back into his bed so he can snuggle you and fall back asleep.

Javier would never admit it aloud let alone ask for it, but he wants you to lay on him. Like, full on, chest to chest, your face tucked into his shoulder and your legs tangled with his. The full-body press of your weight against him is beyond calming and every time you do crawl on top of him, he could just tear you apart. It’s such an intense feeling, it explodes in his chest and all he can do is wrap his arms around you and dig his fingertips into your soft flesh.

Ezra:

After a long and exhausting day of harvesting, Ezra loves curling up with you. His body is aching, his mind exhausted, and you provide a solace that can’t be found anywhere else. He loves to lay his head on those soft thighs of yours and doze while you read or tinker with whatever metal you’re trying to fix.

It’s impossible for him not to hold you or be held by you in some way. If you sit down next to him, he’s pulling you as close as possible, as if he’s trying to meld the two of you together, consume you, make you his entirely.

These are the times that Ezra really feels like he doesn’t deserve you. You’re so...soft. So giving. So gentle. Ezra doesn’t see himself as a good man. The exact opposite, actually. How could he ever deserve so much good? He only whispers those fears to you in the dead of night, when all has settled and the only sounds are the steady whirring of pod’s the air filters and you’re practically on top of each other on the cot only meant for one. You just hold him as he speaks, running your fingers through his curls and resisting the urge to interrupt him. He deserves to get it all out.

But once he’s done. You whisper your praises right back to him, pausing every few words to kiss him anywhere you can reach; his cheeks, his lips, his neck, his chest. You tell him how much you love him, how admirable his hard work is, how funny he is, how his voice drips like honey with that drawl that gives you shivers. He’ll hold you even tighter, something you didn’t think possible.

Marcus Pike:

PERFECT BOYFRIEND ALERT

However you’re willing to cuddle him, Marcus is there and ready to goooo!!! He lives for those early morning, groggy moments where he’s just woken up and the very first thing he sees is you, your face slack and peaceful with sleep, a bit of drool collecting at the corner of your mouth. If he’s sure you’ve gotten a good amount of rest, Marcus happily kisses you awake and keeps you in bed for as long as possible. It feels so natural, it has from the very beginning.

Marcus is the type who knows what he wants, but his previous heartbreaks have him hesitant in that sureness. The first time he woke up with you on his chest like that had been entirely unintentional. Neither of you had meant to fall asleep, obvious by the fact that he was still in his slacks and you in your jeans, and Marcus didn’t want to intrude or be presumptuous, so he tried to slip away. You woke, of course, and he tried to apologize, but you just smiled at him and said, “You’re so warm. Get back over here.” Marcus was in awe as you began unbuttoning his dress shirt, muttering about wanting him to be comfortable. Once he was down to his boxers and you were down to your tank top and underwear, you just snuggled right back up to him. You rubbed your cheek on his bare chest as you settled in and it took Marcus’s breath away. That was when he knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life like this with you.

And he makes good on that every single day.

His favorite place to cuddle is in his bed. The plush mattress and soft blankets make it even more comfortable to lay with you for hours like he wants to. Marcus loves spooning because he can touch you all over; he can hold your hand, rub your thighs, grab onto your ass. Plus it’s the perfect way to wake up when you playfully grind against his morning wood.

But the ultimate position? Your legs over his shoulders, his head leaned back towards your belly. It’s his favorite way to prop his head up to see the television as you lean against the headboard and read a book, the two of you simply enjoying each other's presence and warmth.

Max Phillips:

Fuck, you’re just so fucking warm and soft and Max cannot get enough. His body temperature isn’t frigid, just a few ticks below normal thanks to his undead status, but it’s enough to be able to notice a difference. You warm him up better than any steaming cup of coffee or heavy blanket ever could.

That’s why he straight up lays on top of you. Max ignores your grunts and annoyed sounds as he clambers on top of you and buries his face in your neck. He can hear your pulse, smell the sweet, delicious smell of your blood, and feel your warmth like this. You’ve practically got a purring vampire on your hands like this.

Max loves to feed off of you while he snuggles and I refuse to believe otherwise. He gives you the puppy dog eyes even though he really doesn’t need to beg. The sight of you sweeping your hair off to one shoulder is enough to have him squishing you into the mattress and burying his teeth in your neck.

He’s even more handsy when he’s practically drunk on your blood. Max is 100% gonna try to fuck you while he feeds off of you.

Pero Tovar:

Pero didn’t really know the simple pleasure of curling up with someone he loved. He knew fucking, usually a utilitarian visit to a brothel to ease some of the tension that plagued him. That wasn’t the kind of situation he stuck around to cuddle afterwards. You show him, though.

The first time you turned over to lay your head on his chest, Pero didn’t know what the fuck to do with himself. He kept his hands raised with his elbows propped up on the mattress and stared down at you with his eyebrows furrowed. Eventually he lets his arm settle over your shoulders but that’s as far as he goes, not yet realizing that he can find comfort here.

Slowly but surely, Pero begins to find solace in your embrace and once he learns that it makes you feel safe and loved, he can’t get enough. He craves it, the feeling of your body pressed against his under the blankets of your shared bed, the way you rub his calves with your feet, the contrast of your soft, supple skin against his scarred body.

He’s a nuzzler, especially when he first wakes up. He loves to rub his face against your neck and shoulder, especially since his facial hair makes you giggle and squirm against him. It’s a delightful, bright sound and the perfect way to start his day. It can be difficult to convince either of you to get out of bed to tend to your daily chores. Yes, the firewood needs to be cut and there are clothes that need mending, but a few more minutes spent in each other’s arms won’t hurt, right?

Maxwell Lord:

Not gonna lie, the first few times you were in Maxwell’s bed was not for soft and sweet purposes and there wasn’t any cuddling happening afterwards, either. No, it was always hot and heavy sex followed by snatching up clothes and leaving with a wink and the promise of ‘see you next time’. It was therapeutic, the mutual stress relief of meaningless sex.

Until it suddenly wasn’t so meaningless.

That first time Maxwell woke up in your bed had been entirely accidental. Both of you were absolutely exhausted before he fucked you into your mattress, so afterwards you were dead to the world. He was only going to close his eyes for a few minutes, but then he woke up with his chest pressed against your back and your hair in his face and why the fuck wasn’t he panicking. He feels like he should be panicking. But instead, the soft rise and fall of your chest was mesmerizing. Maxwell blamed the fact that your breasts were still bared for his greedy eyes and shook it off.

The second time, though? Maxwell found himself needing you there. The last time the two of you had sex, you had left his penthouse with a lingering kiss and a satisfied smile that had pride burning a hole through his chest, but he couldn’t fucking sleep. So when you sighed and swung your legs over the side of his bed, Maxwell’s arms wrapped around your waist and dragged you back to the middle of his huge bed.

“It isn’t safe for you to be walking around at night, you can wait until morning.” But you could see through his convenient excuse right to the vulnerability in those pretty brown eyes. So you laid right back down and couldn’t help but smile when Maxwell’s arm hesitantly fell over your waist. The way you melted into his embrace made Maxwell pull you flush against him and bury his face in your hair.

That morning you woke up to Maxwell getting dressed and what a sight that was. The moment he realized, he left the room and returned a moment later with a coffee from your favorite cafe. He was almost bashful when he shrugged and said he had it delivered so you wouldn’t have to rush out. You weren’t bashful about dragging him back into the bed, though. Ever since then, it was an unspoken and expected comfort.

Maxwell likes spooning. He feels like he’s keeping you safe with his body curled around yours. And if you’re entirely naked against him, he’s even happier. All of that bare skin for his greedy hands…

He also loves laying his head on your chest. You always play with his hair (you’re the only person he lets do that, too) and it makes shivers dance along his skin. Again, bonus if you’re naked but there’s no guarantee that he won’t tease your nipples until they’re pebbled and sensitive.

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volleyball-dontknowher · 4 years

Text

Daichi x reader x Suga headcanons

First part is SFW second is NSFW

This was a request by @aexonian that was so fun to write!!!!

Words ~2.8 k

Requests are open!!

SFW

So it all kinda just happened like you don’t really know how but pretty much you made out with Daichi then made out with Suga and then caught the two of them making out and it was all kinda like yep lets do this and that’s how it started

You all are super close with each other and you have to tell the two of them everything because they genuinely are and when they ask a question they want the real answer not some phony answer because they can see right through you

Every time someone leaves for more than ten minutes they get a goodbye kiss and always told to be safe and text you when they get there

Super supportive and really good at when one of you is hanging out with friends that they get the time without being bothered

Daichi is one for phone calls when he needs something and Suga is way bigger on texting

You all take turns planning dates but you and Suga are secretly competing to see who has the best date and which one is better and you can’t let Daichi in on this competition because his dates are literally always the best and you can’t have him win every time

When you go out to nice restaurants Daichi is always the one to pull out your chair and always tries to do it for Suga too but Suga is always trying to do it for Daichi or you so it doesn’t work out

When you all go out they love holding your hands and just having you walk between the two of them because they are both so gorgeous that no one can say anything and if they do Daichi gets furious and will start yelling at the poor soul until you and Suga can calm him down

Daichi is definitely super protective of the two of you but is super confident about your relationship

Suga gets a little nervous sometimes and will over think and convince himself of a lot of things like you would be happier if it was just you and Daichi because then you would be a normal couple or that you are ignoring him or something like that and you and Daichi can always tell when he is being weird and it takes a few reassuring kisses and cuddles to help him overcome his worries because the two of you can be so freaking loving like you would never leave him out

The three of you always go shopping together for groceries because they are both absolutely amazing chefs and like to choose out the ingredients for their meals and it is one of their favorite things to be able to cook for the three of you

If they could they would both not let the other cook because they use it as a way of showing their love and affection

If you like to cook you are going to have to fight for your days or get one day a week so they can each have three and avoid the argument of who gets the fourth day

You hardly ever have takeout because even after a long day they like to cook because it is a good form of stress relief and they can make whatever you would order, homemade pizza, sushi, thai food literally anything they can do it’s amazing

If you wrap your arms around either of their waists and just rest your head on their back they are going to just melt and be so happy, if you are doing it to Daichi and Suga sees he sometimes will come and wrap his arms around you and the three of you just stand there for a moment

Literally you all love cuddling together and you always switch up who is in the middle of the snuggles and when you cuddle you like to give them both lots of little kisses

Speaking of kisses they are so different when it comes to kissing it is crazy

Daichi is very strong and his kisses reflect that, they capture your lips and he has full control of the kiss and his hands like to be on your hips or sides

Suga is a lot sweeter with kisses and will share the control with you and is going to love to have a hand cupping your cheek or laced in your hair

You try to give them equal amounts of kisses but it’s hard because Suga is always right there to kiss and if you kiss him he always takes time to kiss you back and Daichi always is doing something and sometimes kisses are just you pecking him and him giving you a little kiss back

They are literally so sweet when you sleep together you typically have Daichi in the middle of the three of you because if you wake him up trying to get out of bed to go pee he will be in a grouchy mood for the rest of the day and cannot get over it, but if one of you is in the middle you better expect to be laying in bed later than usual because Daichi usually goes to the gym in the morning but he can’t help himself but pull you closer and just appreciate you

They both sleep shirtless and in boxers and they loveee if you go to bed in one of their shirts, it just makes them so happy

Will fight for you to wear their shirts because they are so big and cute on you and sometimes Daichi will give Suga one of his shirts (or Suga will steal it) and it’s not as big on him but it’s still hot

You all give each other kisses good night and you love to just be wrapped in each other’s embrace and just sleeping is a big mess of limbs

Literally the sweetest boyfriends in the world if I haven’t made that clear yet

Because Daichi usually goes to the gym early in the morning you and Suga wake up with each other in the mornings and it is always really sweet, you like to shower in the mornings so Suga will make the two of you coffee as you get towels and then the two of you like to shower together, sleepy but cozy you end up just burying your head in his chest while the hot water runs over the two of you, and it is some of your favorite bonding moments with him

You and Suga also really like to choose out the other’s outfit for the day because you like to change up their style and just get to see them in your favorite things and it’s a constant reminder of him throughout your day

If you don’t have leftovers to pack for lunch you like to bring each other lunch that day, Suga is the hardest to bring lunch because he only has half an hour to eat lunch at the school but you still try and it is always super fun to see his face when you walk into his classroom with food

Daichi is a little bit more flexible so when you two have lunch together you like to go to parks and have a picnic together

You do sometimes do the thing where two of you go out together just to make sure that you get to spend some quality alone time and it’s always super romantic and sweet and you can’t help yourself but get giddy when you get to go on those special dates with them

You and Suga get to design your apartment because Daichi could not tell you if two things looked good together or not so when you go to Ikea you both kinda just hold Daichi’s hand and tell him to trust you

You get each other a lot of little gifts and like to really listen to them individually and get them personalized things that you know they are going to like and they cherish them so much

You also like to dance around in the kitchen or living room with them while listening to music and it is always really soft and sweet because their hands will be on your waist and your on their shoulders and it’s always Suga’s music because he has the best taste for moments like this

When you go for walks the three of you like to match colors because it is super cute and also shows that you all three go together and are not available

They both love taking pictures with you and both of their feeds are going to be filled with pictures of the three of you

Daichi has a really cute one of you and Suga snuggled up next to each other with the caption “my whole world” and just super sweet things like that

You can always tell when one of them had a bad day and you go to extra lengths to put them in a better mood, you’ll draw them a bath and give them a massage with a lot of kisses and they always know and do the same to you

NSFW

Let me just say this first the sex is going to be amazing and it is going to be frequent

You are going to have full on sex probably once a week but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t going to be fucking a lot more than that

They both are super big but completely different, Daichi is longer and wider than Suga but Suga is still extremely impressive

Oral is going to be super common, like no one is surprised if they walk in the door and see one of them sucking the other off or eating you out

Some days the other person likes to just watch and give praises to the person giving but sometimes they want to join in and it ends up with a lot sexy experiences

When you are blowing them Daichi lasts way longer than Suga but likes to take control and will end up thrusting into your mouth and Suga is going to let you do all the work and just appreciate everything about the scene in front of him

Blowjobs happen all the time, sitting on the couch watching something and you get bored, bam you are going to blow one or both of them

You alternate with your hand and mouth between the two and it makes them both come faster because the scene in front of them is so erotic

When you are doing that their hands are going to be all over each other and also all over you, Daichi’s hand is going to be in your hair guiding your head on both of their lengths as he tells you how good your being pleasing both of their cocks at once and how much he loves seeing you like that

If you are just giving them both a handjob they are going to have their mouths all over your body and their favorite is when they each have their mouths on your breasts and fingers playing with your clit

You have caught Suga sucking off Daichi several times but the opposite is a lot more rare

They have so much skill when it comes to eating you out, they make you come faster than anyone else has ever before

They also love eating you out and will literally argue about who gets to do it (or they will take turns and make you come twice that night)

Daichi is way better with his fingers and uses his fingers in your hole and his tongue on your clit as his go to for getting you off

Suga is wayyy better with his mouth and is not going to use his fingers in you because he can do it without them because the boy is so magical, like he knows exactly where to nip and suck to have you a moaning mess

Be loud for them and they will increase their enthusiasm for whatever you are doing and it is completely amazing

When it comes to sex the three of you are always changing it up but one thing is always the same, Daichi is in charge, he is going to tell you both when you can come, when you have to wait, where you can come, what you should be doing with your hands, everything. He is in control.

When it comes to sex you typically suck one of them off while the other one fucks you but sometimes they use both your holes in the back at the same time and have you a screaming mess as you come undone

None of you ever come out of the bedroom without any marks, you always make sure to bite a couple of hickeys onto their chests like they so kindly do to you

They will each claim one of your breasts and completely mark it up with their bites and will be competing with each other to see who’s lasts longer and gets the darkest

When Daichi is the one fucking you he is going to smack your ass and make you wait to come until both him and Suga have already come inside of your holes

When it is Suga he is going to be far more concerned about making you come before him and will have the stamina to get you to come twice before he comes once

Sometimes you will do it with only one of them and that’s where it gets more kinky because secretly both of them love being called daddy but don’t want that to happen with the other one is pleasing you too because they secretly want to be the only one who gets to be called that from you so when you are alone they are going to take full advantage of that

This happens the most when the other person isn’t in the mood but the two of you are and it happens the most with you and Daichi when Suga is busy grading papers or doing school stuff, but when the two of you are done Daichi makes you go suck Suga off to show him what a good girl you are

Buttt they like to keep it even on who gets what attention from you so sometimes you and Suga are going to do it and Daichi is going to have to watch, which is really hot for all three of you because you both want him to touch you but you also really want each other and you both enjoy moaning each other’s names and just enjoying each other and then giving Daichi kisses and love after but sometimes he gets too impatient and will palm himself in the corner or even have one of you suck him off while you two finish

Daichi isn’t super vocal, he lets out a few little groans and moans when he really gets into it but his big thing that gets all of you off is going to be how good he is at dirty talk, he has you super wet just from using his words

Suga is going to be louder, he likes to moan and let you hear how good you make him feel and will grunt and groan when he gets close, his dirty talk is rare but when he decides to do it nothing can compare he has such a filthy mouth

They like to tie you up and each kiss you or fuck you or eat you out and you have to guess who is who which is super hard because they both are similar in size and they are completely silent

They also buy you a lot of sexy lingerie and love to have you walk around the house in it for them, as you walk around they will stop you to kiss your boobs or smack your ass before you can continue whatever it was that you were doing

You know the showers you take with Suga in the mornings, half of them are cuddling and sweet and half of them are you two are having needy sex

You also like to cockwarm them when you are waiting for the other to finish so you can have sex but you like doing it so much that you end up just sitting on their cocks a lot just to feel close to them it just happens

After sex Daichi is the first one to get things to clean the two of you up and keeps a lot of the essentials on his side table and gives both of you a big kiss especially if he went a little rough on you that night You end up falling asleep naked a lot and just curled up with each other

After sex cuddles are the literal best, they are both so calm and have nothing else on their minds but how much they love everything about this and it’s so sweet

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psychedellic-phase · 4 years

Text

Fifteen (Part 12)

A/N: I altered the timeline & updated the last chapter w the correct weeks!! sorry for any confusion that causes. I need to be accurate or it’d bother me lol

ALSO: end the stigma surrounding miscarriage/infertility. your feelings and experiences are valid.

Tw: miscarriage, cursing, slight spoilers for the episode “200”

word count: 4.4 k

masterlist

series masterlist

“It was a Thursday, no I guess technically it was a Friday since it was 3 am. You woke me up, poking my shoulder gently until I stirred.

“This is going to sound weird but did you...?”

I was groggy and sore and cranky. It was 3 am, and you woke me up. Of course I was annoyed. My back was killing me, “Spence, what?”

“Did you pee yourself?” You whispered, and I laughed.

“What? No?”

That’s when I shifted to roll over and face you. That’s when I felt it. It was like a freight train hitting me. I was dizzy and nauseous and could suddenly feel every part of my body aching.

“Then, t-then what’s this?”

You threw the covers off of us. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you so scared.

I just stared at it. Our gray sheets darkened. I had no emotions. No instincts. No movement. You’d think I’d have an intuition of what I needed to do. My maternal instinct would’ve kicked in, or I guess it wouldn’t have because I was no longer a mother.

I don’t know how I didn’t wake up earlier. I keep wracking my brain for a reason why I didn’t wake up. Why did you have to wake me up? Why didn’t I just know? I should’ve just known. I should’ve had a feeling, but I didn’t have any feelings. Because that’s what shock is. It’s nothing. It’s staring at everything and feeling absolute nothingness.

It’s weird to think that that night we went to bed, laughing and chatting and snuggling close to each other. It’s weird to think that we had no idea what was coming. We were living in ignorant bliss. It’s sad that that was our last night we spent together as a whole family unit. I wish I knew about lasts before they happened, that way I could savor the moment. Soak it all up. Bask in the warmth of you.

We fell asleep as we usually do did, you spooning me from behind, one hand on my belly the other on my back. You whispering that you loved me, you hoped I slept well; me telling you that the papaya sized thing in my uterus would make sure that I did not sleep well. You’d laugh, your breath would tickle my neck, then I’d laugh, and we’d finally calm down and fall asleep in each other’s arms.

That’s the last time we fell asleep like that. I wish I knew. I would have appreciated the little things. I would’ve appreciated the way you rubbed little shapes on my skin, the way you dealt with me needing no comforter because I was always hot and sweaty, even though you run cold. I wish I could go back and appreciate every one of our lasts, just so I could hold onto those memories a little while longer. But I guess I’ve held onto them long enough if I’m giving them all back to you.

Speaking of, what is your item for this letter? Go ahead. Go look. It isn’t going to be what you expect.”

He was much calmer than he was before. The numbness had returned. He felt kind of okay actually. He felt like that was the last bit of emotion he had left. But then again, he felt that way in letter four. He felt that way in letter seven. He knew it wouldn’t last, but he was determined to savor it, grind through the last few letters while he was still numb, then hopefully decide what to do while his head was clear.

He reached in, surprised at what you had chosen.

“Yes, this is definitely not what you expected. I’m sure you expected another baby memento, or maybe an ultrasound picture. But like I said, all the baby stuff is gone. And I’m keeping the ultrasounds. I’ll mail you copies, I promise. And unlike you, I don’t make a habit of breaking my promises.

Now to anyone who doesn’t know PG, this little stuffed unicorn looks like it was for the baby. But when you know her as well as we do, you know it was for me. Penelope decorates her desk with trinkets and light-up frogs and flower pens because they help her see the bad. They make it easier. By giving me this, she was giving me something to protect me from the horror I would have to face. And for a little while, it actually worked. I hope it’ll do the same for you.”

He laughed, an honest, genuine, laugh. He held the stuffed thing in his hands, leaning back onto the bed. It was white with rainbow hair and a glittery purple horn. He remembered when Penelope brought it in the room, delicately placing it on your bedside table.

“She’ll need this, and so will you,” She said. Spencer just nodded and watched her disappear.

“I will spare you the grisly details, Spence; you were there. I will just mention the main ideas.

As I sat there, staring at the mess that had formed in front of me, you got up. You were visibly shaking as you turned on the lights and called an ambulance. Your face was gray. I’ve never seen it that color. I couldn’t focus on anything except you and the pain. God, the pain. It radiated from my abdomen, up into my heart and festered there. It was a different kind of pain, unlike any I’d ever experienced before. Then came the adrenaline, pumping through my body at an insane rate. Then I felt foggy, like I was watching what was happening to me on a tv screen. It was the closest thing to an out-of-body experience I’ve ever had.

You knelt down next to me, holding my torso. We didn’t speak. We didn’t cry. We were both in shock.

I don’t even know what you said to the people on the phone. I assume you told them what you had already diagnosed. You told them the truth: I was miscarrying.

It still hurts to say. I still have a hard time saying the word out loud. “Pregnancy loss,” “Spontaneous abortion,” “Miscarriage,” none of the words feel right. None of them feel like they accurately describe what happened to us that night.

They put me on a stretcher, and that’s when it became real. I was crying, holding your hand so tight I thought I’d cut off blood supply. My other hand was on my torso, and I was begging whatever Gods are above to feel a kick. Just one little kick, or shift, or movement.

I didn’t.

You stayed strong for me. You always were so good under pressure. You told the EMT every detail of my health history, while I was a blubbering mess. You called Hotch. You called Emily. You called my dad. You kept it together. You did everything right. God, Spencer, even from that very first day when I paid you to do my paperwork, you always did everything right. You’re the good one. You put nothing but good karma out into the world, so why do you keep getting bad karma back?

It’s ridiculous really, because we did do everything right. I took my prenatals and only drank water and green smoothies and I ate sweet potatoes and legumes and kale chips. I resisted the urge to eat nothing but Baja Blasts and Big Macs. I’m honestly angry. I’m angry because you and I, two good people, don’t get to have a baby, but some of these unsubs we encountered do? What kind of logic is that? What kind of world allows that to happen? What kind of God? A really shitty one, that’s who.

Eventually they literally peeled you off of me in the ER. They had to make sure I wasn’t getting an infection, and that I had—God I can’t say it. They had to see if they needed to help me through it, if you know what I mean. They did. I had to get a d&c.

I spent most of the time sobbing at the nurses. They all just held my hands and smoothed my hair. I begged for you, but they said no. I argued with them. I said I needed you there next to me. I didn’t want them to hold my hands and smooth my hair, I wanted you. But they insisted that the room had to stay clean. Eventually I was all cried out and they put me under.

When I woke up this unicorn was next to me, staring me in the face and letting me know our friends were there. They knew. They had my back. This stuffed thing would help me face the bad that was coming. It would protect me.

It was about eight. You pulled your chair up next to me, your hand in mine, head on my bed. I felt like shit. That’s the only way to put it. Anesthesia makes me nauseous as is, couple that with the night I had? I felt awful, and I felt it everywhere.

When I woke up, you stirred too. Your eye bags were deep and dark, you still had on pajamas with some unknown fluids on them, and your hair was a wreck.

I ran my hands through it, a force of habit, “Hi.”

“Hey,” you croaked.

Our eyes met, and we both just fell apart. Tears spilled over so easily. We were two broken hearts in one hospital room.

You crawled into the bed with me, making sure to be gentle and not hurt me, “Is this real life?”

“Yeah, Love. I’m afraid it is,” you whispered into my hair.

“I-It doesn’t feel like real life.”

You sighed, and shifted so we were both sitting upright, your arm around my shoulder, “I know. I wish it wasn’t.”

“W-What happened? What did I do? I th-thought I did everything right?”

You kissed my tears on my cheeks, “You did. You couldn’t have done anything to stop this. It was a chromosomal abnormality, trisomy sixteen.”

“What does that m-mean?”

“It means she had three copies of chromosome sixteen, which makes proteins in the body. She never would’ve—“

“Stop,” I said, not harshly or mean, just a sad moan, “I don’t want to know.” I took three shaky, deep breaths, trying to calm myself down, “I-I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be, there’s nothing we could’ve done. We’ll get through this, together, I promise.”

“I promise,” I said, and you kissed my temple, arms wrapped around me tightly, as if you could physically hold me together as I fell apart. You held me like that for a while, before we both fell asleep again in that teeny tiny hospital bed.

The unicorn wasn’t the one who protected me that night, it was you. You protected me more than I ever gave you credit for. I wish I could’ve stayed strong for you, the way you stayed strong for me. Thank you for that, Spencer. I mean it.”

Spencer got up from bed and felt lightheaded. Realizing he hadn’t eaten yet, he grabbed a mess of junk from the fridge and sat on the kitchen floor up against the dishwasher. The metal of the appliance was cold against his back, the ground below him was hard. It just felt right.

He did keep his calm the whole time. He never cracked, not until the end when he cried with you. He spoke calmly and quietly when the team showed up. Garcia cried more than he did. Emily said she was on the next flight, ready and willing. Your dad didn’t say more than a few awkward and sad words. Morgan looked terrified. Hotch had his eyebrows knit together, as if with enough thinking, he could make the situation away. JJ stood silently, knowing the feeling, but not mentioning it. The only time he wavered was when Alex held him; the tears reached the surface but never spilled over. Everyone just circled around him, trying to protect him from the scariness that he’d face outside of their bubble.

The nurse came up to him, telling him you were out and okay. It was a chromosomal abnormality, nothing could’ve prevented it. With some rest, you’d be okay physically, but mentally it would be a long road, for both of you. He nodded. The world felt like it was spinning. He couldn’t think straight. The walls seemed to move in around him, even as he stood still.

“Reid, it’s mandatory. Four weeks. Minimum,” Hotch said, Spencer not hearing a word of it.

“O-Okay. Fine, whatever. I just, I need to see her.”

Derek reached out to stop him, “You know she isn’t going to be the same, kid.”

Spencer shook him off, “I know.”

But he didn’t know to what extent. He didn’t know that you’d still look pregnant, because your belly doesn’t automatically deflate. He didn’t know that your grieving process would be different from the way it was after Emily’s fake death. How naive of him to not realize that he’d grieve differently this time too. He thought he’d want to cry and talk and eat blueberry pancakes, just like last time. He didn’t realize that when a piece of you just suddenly stops being a piece of you, it’s jarring. It's the five stages of grief all at once and in the wrong order. It’s crying at a Pampers commercial and being angry when you see new moms. It’s people giving you soft looks of pity everyday. It’s lonely. It’s sad. It’s the worst heartbreak one can imagine. In short—it really fucking sucks.

Spencer had no idea just how much it really fucking sucked.

He saw you there, your skin drained of its warm color and tired, and stopped in his tracks. What would he say? What would he do? How would he approach you? How would he tell you that half of his heart just left his body?

Rossi was the one who saw him stop at the threshold of your door. He saw Spencer pace back and forth, still in bloody pajamas. He saw Spencer stare at you, hands balled into fists like he was ready to fight the powers that be.

He came up behind him, placing a kind hand on his shoulder, “Spencer, listen to me.”

Spencer didn’t react, he just kept staring at you, “I had a son, with Caroline. He died the same day he was born. I know what this feels like, Kid. I do. Trust me, it’ll get easier. I promise, but only if the two of you lean on each other.”

Spencer nodded dumbly, still not really processing anything around him, but with a nudge from Rossi he entered your room. He found his way to the bedside chair.

“Hey, Y/N, I know you can’t hear me. The anesthesia hasn’t worn off yet. I just want to—no need to tell you that I love you. I’m not mad at you. I’m heartbroken, but here for you. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Remember how fast that narrative changed, Spence?

We got home from the hospital that night and I grabbed a tub of ice cream. I figured losing the baby counted as ‘one of those days’. I thought we would eat in silence and it would make it all okay, like every other day.

When I pulled it out, you scratched your head, “Not tonight. I’m tired.”

I nodded, feeling heavy and sore and weak, “Okay, see you upstairs?”

You nodded again, and I put the tub away. I figured you were going to talk to the moon for a while, and I was going to let you.

I fell asleep almost immediately, you never joining me.

I got up and you were on the couch, making some lame excuse of how you were reading and must have fallen asleep there by accident.

“You okay today?” I asked you.

You shrugged, “We won’t be okay for a lot of days.”

I knew you were right. It was a stupid question to even ask. I nodded.

“How do you feel?”

“Sore, weak, empty. Like I need to sleep more.”

You tucked my hair behind my ear, and kissed my cheek.

“I love you,” I said, and you responded with, “Love you too, I need to shower.”

Now there is a distinct difference between ‘love you’ and ‘I love you.’ Losing the ‘I’ loses the intimacy. It removes yourself from the statement. You removed yourself from that statement, and from me.

That first day we talked a little. We mostly cried and you watched me sleep. But then suddenly it was like you didn’t want to talk about it. You didn’t want to share a bed. You didn’t even want to look at me. You didn’t want to be in that place. I don’t blame you, Spencer, I don’t. I didn’t want to be there either.

I understand why you blamed me. We needed to blame someone, because no way could life be that cruel to a person. I blamed myself for the loss for a while too. No matter how many times people said “it’s not your fault” it still felt like my fault. I still feel like it’s my fault, like maybe I could’ve done something to prevent this. It doesn’t matter how many support groups or therapists tell me I can’t blame anyone. How can I believe that when the person who means the most to me in this world feels like it I’m the only person to blame?”

He sighed. He never wanted to blame you, but some part of him did anyway. It was easier that way. If he blamed you, he wouldn’t have to blame himself like he always did. But, sometimes there is no one to blame but life itself.

“Emily showed up that next day. She came in, in all her black bangs glory and held me. She had ice cream with me. She let me cry on her shoulders until I couldn’t anymore. She watched cheesy tv with me and distracted me with stories of her varied lovers in London. She supported me the way only a best friend could, the way I wish you did. Then she had to leave; London calls. And Derek took her place. He would come by when he could, usually with takeout that I couldn’t stomach. If he couldn’t come by, he’d always text or call. He always checked in, which I appreciated, but every moment with them was a moment spent wishing I was with you.

You. For the first week or so, I saw you everyday. We even went to the beach, but when we came home? I tried to talk but we usually didn’t. More accurately, I spoke, and you stared at me. Then you started coming less and less and returning fewer and fewer of my calls. At the end, I think I saw you maybe once every other day, just for you to come and grab clean clothes or paperwork. God, everyone did your job except for you because you were too busy doing your real job. The job Hotch told you to take a few weeks off from. The job that I actually did take a few weeks off from, because my body was in disrepair.

It’s not fair to sit here and tell you that you didn’t cater to my every grieving need correctly. It’s not fair for me to tell you how to grieve either. I respect what you did, Spence. I respect that you poured yourself into work. I know it isn’t fair that I wish you spent half that energy on us. But you know what actually isn’t fair? The way I’d tell people “we lost her,” but you’d say “Y/N lost her.” You know what wasn’t fair? The fact that you ran away from me and hid away in your apartment, doing God knows what with God knows who, after we promised to lean on each other, to heal together. You refused to do it. I wanted to. I tried to. I reached out. I called. I texted.

But, I’m getting ahead of myself now. You still have three letters to go.”

Spencer glanced over at the box. It was nearly empty, just three stray items and three stray envelopes staring at him. He remembered the minute he set foot in that place, he felt the same way he did before he entered your hospital room. Frozen. Fear. Trepidation.

Everything looked foreign. The walls that were once a saturated blue color looked grayer. The mug on the counter didn’t look like it was his. The pictures on the walls were of foreign people from a foreign land. The bed didn’t look like his bed. He felt like he was living on a movie set, where everything was a prop and everyone was a fake.

He tried to stay. He went into that first night with the intentions of laying next to you in bed, watching tv, rubbing your back, and giving you water to make up for the amount of tears you shed. He really, honestly, tried, but the first thing he saw when he opened the front door was that picture of the two of you from Rossi’s house, holding up the onesie. Then he made his way into the kitchen, where the ultrasounds were pinned to the fridge with smiley face magnets. Then he went upstairs and passed the nursery.

It had barely been started; all you’d done was paint it a soft, sage green.

“This color is called ‘Soothing Sage’,” You said, handing Spencer a roller, “I sure hope this soothes her, because if she’s as active outside as she is inside, we have a problem.”

“It will soothe her. That’s why I love green,” He said, grabbing the roller and starting to paint, as you sat on the floor trying to untangle Garcia’s homemade jungle animal mobile.

“I thought you liked purple.”

He smiled, “ I do, but green brings balance and harmony. From a color psychology perspective, it is the great balancer of the heart and the emotions, creating equilibrium in the body. And from a color symbolism perspective, green is the color of growth, spring, renewal and rebirth.”

You laughed, “My favorite color is teal. What’s the color psychology for that?”

“Teal is a blend of blue and green, so naturally it combines both blue's tranquility and stability with green's balance and harmony.”

“I like it, I like it, how about orange? What does that mean?”

“Orange? Well, it’s bright and brings feelings of excitement, enthusiasm, and warmth—“ He cut himself off, turning from his almost done wall to find you eating more chips, “Stop distracting me!”

You put your hands up in surrender, “You’re too easy to distract Reid.”

He smiled, paint already all over him, as you spent the rest of the afternoon talking about what rocker you should buy and where the other painting Garcia made should hang.

When he passed the room, the walls a pretty green, mobile in the corner over a few stray Ikea boxes, he couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t act like everything in that place didn’t make him want to scream into an abyss. He couldn’t play the dutiful boyfriend. He couldn’t walk around and not feel haunted. He was being haunted, not by the past, but by a future that should’ve been.

He tried to explain it to you, but you two were on different pages. Hell, you were reading two different books that were in completely different languages. Communicating became impossible, and if he’s being honest with himself, he was kind of happy that it did. It made it easier in the moment, but worse in the long run.

“I miss us. I miss you. I miss her. I know we never met her but I could feel her. She was strong, definitely a soccer player. Maybe she would’ve had our recessive athletic genes. She was part of me, and I loved her from the first time I threw up. I could tell she loved you. She moved whenever you spoke to me. She loved to rustle and shift when you laid on my lap and whispered to her. She was a daddy’s girl. That’s what you deserved. I’m sorry my body couldn’t handle it. I’m sorry that I couldn’t even do that right. I’m sorry couldn’t be what you wanted or what you needed, especially when you were all I ever wanted or needed. I don’t know how many more ways to show you that I’m sorry.

You left me the day we lost her Spence, I know you did. I lost you and her in one fell swoop. How do I cope with that?”

Spencer put the letter down, cradling the unicorn in his hands. He didn’t need you to apologize anymore. You’d done enough of that, so did he. He stopped being angry and bitter and spiteful the second you told him to go. You yelled at him to finish packing his bags and get out, since that’s clearly what he wanted.

That wasn’t what he wanted. He was just lost. He was confused. He felt like nothing had a purpose anymore. He understood what Gideon said in the letter he left him all those years ago. He questioned everything he thought he ever knew. He wanted to view it as a lesson, something he could learn from, but the hole in his heart wouldn’t let him.

He had every intention of coming back to you when he was ready, but when he finally was, you shut the door. He lost himself the moment he lost her, and that made him lose you too. How’s he supposed to cope with that?

Part 13!

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#spencer reid #spencer x you #spencer #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fic #dr spencer reid #reid #reid x you #cm #cm fic #criminal minds #criminal minds fic #matthew gray gubler #mgg fanfiction #mgg smut #mgg

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mostlycompetentwriter · 4 years

Text

“Blessings”- A Domesticated Drabble

F/M Pairing: Y/N X Bang Chan (Stray Kids)

Word Count: 4K

Warnings: Language...I guess?

Genre: Married Life AU, Parent AU

Note: This was a request from an anonymous user so I can’t tag them but here ya go!

I should have known better because it was one of those days teetering over the boundary of too perfect. I woke up next to Chan in bed, his hospital pager eerily silent, feeling as though I had been asleep for years. My body felt great, the sheets bundled around my waist because I was a notoriously bad bed partner, pulling the blankets further and further away from Chan as I sought additional warmth. But Chan didn’t seem to care, wearing nothing but boxer shorts as he remained statuesque-still with the heavy promise of a rare morning where he could sleep-in. I decided to leave Chan alone while I prepared breakfast, catching the attention of a still-groggy Felix who walked into the room with heavy eyes, grabbing a piece of toast before struggling back to his room. It was almost too peaceful, cooking alone in the kitchen with the company of my thoughts.

I fixed myself an omelet because I was feeling especially cheerful, flipping the eggs as the ingredients provided an alluring smell. Taking a seat at the counter, I started eating while scanning through my phone, excited to see a few promising emails swimming through the promotions tab. “Yogurt,” I murmured quietly, suddenly filled with an odd craving for the frozen treat.

Yet, just as quickly, my stomach suddenly started churning uncomfortably as if deciding that breakfast was a really bad idea. A wave of nausea washed over me like a profound warning before I was rushing to the bathroom. I tried to be as quiet as possible when I closed the door, dropping to my knees to empty the contents of my stomach into the toilet, groaning as I tasted the foul substance on my tongue. I couldn’t remember the last time I had been so sick, and I pressed my cheek against the cool surface of the floor, sweat pooling above my upper lip.

“Sweetie?” I heard Chan’s voice somewhere through my disoriented haze. “Are you okay?”

I swiped a hand across my face, flushing the toilet before pulling myself up against the sink. “I’m fine,” I tried to assure him, grimacing as I reached for my toothpaste.

“Are you sure?” Chan insisted and that’s when I knew that he must have heard my unfortunate bout of sickness. More than likely, every doctor instinct ingrained in him was demanding to assess my condition courtesy of endless training in college.

“I promise,” I said, closing my eyes against another passing pain of abdominal discomfort.

“I’ll use Felix’s bathroom,” he said kindly and I thanked every possible deity for the inclusion of Chan in my life because he always understood when it was best to leave me alone.

“How about this one?” Minho asked loudly, holding up the pregnancy test for everyone in the whole damn store to see.

“You idiot,” I hissed at him, snatching the offending object away. “I don’t need everyone in here knowing!”

“Congratulations,” an elderly woman said to Minho, offering him a pat on the shoulder and a wink in my direction.

“We’re both excited,” Minho said to the woman before I dragged him further away since he insisted on embarrassing me.

“I hate you right now,” I said, slamming a few different tests on the counter, waiting for the cashier to process my order.

“You definitely have the mood swing thing,” Minho commented.

“And you definitely have the asshole thing.”

“Why do we even have to do this?” Minho asked. “I’m sure Chan can just run some stupid tests or something.”

“Home tests are better for me right now,” I said, handing the cashier my debit card. “And Chan is a general doctor. I would set up an appointment with the OBGYN.”

“Are you planning to set up an appointment without him?” Minho asked with a gasp. “Can you film his reaction when he finds out?”

“I’m not trying to keep anything from him,” I snapped. “I need to be sure first before I go telling Chan that he knocked me up.”

“It’s not surprising, Y/N,” Minho said. “You told me that you stopped using Condoms, so what the hell did you expect?”

“It felt better that way,” I whined, snatching the grocery bag from the innocent cashier who was watching us with trepidation.

“Bad things always feel better for you,” Minho said, reaching into his jacket for a box of cigarettes. “See?”

“At least pregnancy won’t murder my lungs.”

“Yeah? But you’ll feel like shit,” Minho argued like the supportive best friend that he was. “Swollen feet, morning sickness, and carrying around an extra ten pounds? I’d rather lose my lungs.”

“Remind me again why I decided to call you this morning,” I lamented.

“Because you weren’t going to ask Felix to shop pregnancy tests with you and Chan was unavailable?”

“That’s right,” I nodded, pausing next to my car. After my corvette was totally wrecked a year ago, Chan had decided that small cars just weren’t safe enough. This is why my ass had to drive around a Sienna Minivan now despite my protests.

“The Grandma car could use a fresh coat of paint,” Minho snickered and I sighed as I observed my bloated reflection in the side view mirror.

I held the pregnancy test up high, trying to catch it just right in the dim light of the bathroom. “Five minutes,” I murmured, re-checking the box to make sure I had read the instructions correctly. “What the fuck am I supposed to be looking for?”

“Are you almost done?” I heard Minho’s voice from outside. “God, it can’t possibly take this long.”

“Will you come in?” I asked nervously because I was starting to really hate the fact that my urine on a stick was somehow supposed to determine a very important yes or no question.

“You’re still not pissing in there, are you?”

“Minho,” I snapped through the door. “Just get your ass inside!”

He twisted the doorknob, hesitantly looking inside to meet my glare. “Sorry,” he whispered, opening the door fully to join me. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know what the hell I’m doing,” I said, trying to hand him the test but he quickly threw his hands up.

“Didn’t you pee on that?”

“Grow the hell up,” I said, slamming the stick onto the counter. “It’s supposed to show a blue stripe if I’m pregnant.”

“So if there’s nothing, then we’re good?” he asked, squinting down at the device like he was suddenly far-sighted.

“Not necessarily,” I said, handing him the box. “Red if not pregnant.”

“But there’s nothing.”

“Thank you, asshole,” I grumbled. “Why do you think I brought you in?”

“You’re always dragging me into your problems, Y/N,” Minho said, shaking his head. “Just take another one I guess.”

I let out a groan. “I can’t spend all day taking pregnancy tests!”

“Is that so? Well, I could be with my girlfriend right now if I wasn't here with you,” Minho pointed out.

“Fine,” I muttered, grabbing a different test box.

After a series of failed observations, including an unfortunate incident in which Minho knocked a test into the toilet, we finally got a reading on a particularly expensive offering. “Pregnant,” Minho declared, glancing at me nervously. “Are you okay?”

“One more,” I insisted, but Minho reached out for my hand.

“Just go get tested, Y/N,” he said. “This will literally drive you insane.”

I whined at his words. “I don’t want to be pregnant right now, Minho. Chan and I haven’t planned for this!”

“Aren’t most pregnancies unplanned?” he grunted, swearing when I threw an empty test box at him.

“They don’t have to be unplanned! A lot of couples talk about this with each other.”

“Wasn’t there an inherent agreement when you decided to let Chan fuck you raw?”

“You know what? Stop talking,” I said, shoving him out of the bathroom. “Go home to your girlfriend.”

“Call the doctor,” Minho retorted right before I slammed the door in his face.

The OBGYN office was way too bright. I squinted against the Halogen nightmare while fidgeting anxiously on the table, holding onto the hem of the oversized hospital gown they had loaned me to wear. A smaller cart sat next to bed offering a variety of dangerous tools that looked like they were meant for a serial killer’s house as opposed to a friendly office.

“Y/N?” an older woman greeted me, opening the door before locking it behind her. “How are you today?”

“I’m fine,” I said nervously, resisting the urge to jump out the window.

“Just relax,” the doctor said, scanning over a chart. “This is for pregnancy confirmation, then?”

“A possible pregnancy confirmation,” I said, and the doctor chuckled.

“I take it that this was unplanned?”

“Very much so.”

“Is that why the father is missing?”

I took a moment to glower at the doctor. “The father is missing because I don’t know if he’s actually a father yet. My husband works long hours at the ER. I didn’t want to bring him here if this turned out to be nothing.”

“Based on the symptoms you’ve described,” the doctor carried on as if ignoring my last rant. “And the home pregnancy test results, I don’t think you should expect negative lab work.”

I bit my lower lip, struggling to keep myself in check. In actuality, I wanted to scream at the nurse that she was definitely wrong because I did not want to be pregnant right now. “That’s why I’m here.”

The doctor nodded. “Go ahead and lean back, this shouldn’t take long.”

“Will it hurt?” I asked with a wince, slowly easing myself against the pillows.

“You shouldn’t feeling any pain,” the doctor replied, negotiating her stool to situate herself right between my open thighs. I had to force myself not to cover my exposed vagina, deciding that the doctor should spend no more than five minutes down there before I was forced to intervene. “Pull up your shirt for me,” she said, selecting one of the wands situated next to my bed.

I glanced at it suspiciously. “Is that going...inside?”

“It’s for your stomach,” she said, jerking an overhanging screen to eye-level. “I’m going to use a very small amount of what might look like jelly. It might feel cold on your skin.”

This warning still didn’t stop me from jerking in surprise when she placed the wand on my stomach, rubbing it over my skin with precision. “This is interesting.”

The doctor grinned. “After this, I’m going to need a urine sample as well.”

“Okay,” I managed, watching the screen with careful eyes, searching for any signs that there was something growing inside of me.

A few moments later she pulled back, removing her gloves with a snap. “All done.”

“Just like that?” I asked incredulously.

She offered me a smile. “That’s it.”

“Holy shit,” I cursed, accepting the paper towels to swipe across the mess on my stomach.

“For your urine sample,” she said, offering me a sterile cup.

I accepted it with a sigh. “How long will it take to get the results?”

“Not long,” she promised me with a wink.

I retreated into the adjoining bathroom after downing a few cups of water, waiting until I could finally accommodate her request before re-entering the room. “Here,” I said, offering her the sample.

“Great!” she chirped. “Your results will be ready shortly.”

I watched her leave before fanning a hand across my stomach. “Why did you choose now of all times?”

Silence greeted my words and I worriedly played with my wedding band while I waited impatiently for the doctor to return. In moments like this, I really missed having Chan at my side because he always knew the best ways to calm me down. Without his familiar presence, I was left succumbing to all of my nervous ticks including that nasty habit of picking at the skin around my cuticles.

“Now I need a manicure,” I sighed, startling when the door abruptly opened to welcome my doctor back inside.

“Congratulations, Y/N,” she said, offering me a manila folder. “You’re pregnant. The scans are available for you inside that packet.”

The heavy revelation slowly settled in as my stomach churned uncomfortably.

“You’re quiet today,” Felix remarked, watching me over his bowl of popcorn. I couldn’t even remember what movie we had been watching.

“Tired,” I grumbled.

“I thought you had the afternoon off,” Felix scoffed. “Is it that hard answering phone calls?”

I glared at him. “Maybe it is.”

Felix held up his hands defensively, fingers glistening with a mixture of salt and butter. “Sorry for asking.”

In actuality, I couldn’t stop thinking about the scans sitting on top of the counter. There were a million different scenarios running around my head as I envisioned Chan’s reaction to the news. At this point, it was inevitable that I told him, no more hiding behind Minho as we experimented hopelessly with a bunch of stupid pregnancy tests. I had the confirmation in several successive scans and my heart was beating at an irregular pace against my chest.

Chan had called earlier to tell me that he was on his way home and I had immediately panicked. I had nothing prepared to say to him, except something stupid along the lines of “You see? This is what happens when you stop wearing condoms.” Then, I could shove those scans at his chest and hide away in my bedroom for the rest of the night.

But all rational thought completely failed me when I heard Chan’s key turning in the lock. “He’s home now,” Felix remarked, wiping his nasty hands on his jeans. “Maybe Chan can order us takeout.”

I slowly exhaled, watching my husband walk into the living room. “What have you guys been up to?”

I froze in place while Felix complained about the lack of suitable groceries in the refrigerator. “I ate a TV dinner for lunch, Chan,” Felix whined.

My husband rolled his eyes affectionately, glancing at me with concern. “Y/N?”

“I’m okay,” I assured him quickly, nervously wringing my hands together. “Can I show you something in the kitchen?”

“What did you break this time?” Chan joked, but his smile was gone as soon as he noticed my expression. “It’s never good when you look at me like that.”

“It’s...something,” I offered, leading a ponderous Chan into the kitchen with a nosy Felix trailing behind. I carefully picked up the scans from the table. “Chan,” I exhaled, gazing into his understanding eyes filled with adoration. But words were suddenly impossible and instead I shoved the manila folder at him. “Here.”

“What is it?” he asked with a trace of amusement, flipping open the cover to look at the first scan.

“It’s supposed to be a baby,” I replied, suddenly aware of Felix joining us in the kitchen.

“A baby?” Chan repeated, looking up at me with wide eyes. “Our baby?”

I nodded slowly. “I had a scan today.”

“We’re pregnant?” Chan asked, his smile growing wider with every subsequent confirmation. “We made a baby?”

“The sperm was good,” Felix nodded solemnly, taking the scans from an overjoyed Chan.

“Are you serious, Y/N?” he asked.

“I went to the doctor today,” I said. “The tests were all positive.”

“Why aren’t you more excited?” he asked, pulling me into his arms with careful consideration for my stomach.

I relaxed in his hold. “I’m nervous, Channie. Don’t you feel the same way?”

“Well, of course, I’m nervous,” Chan said, studying me carefully. “This is a big deal.”

I took in a deep breath. “We didn’t plan for this.”

“I know we didn’t,” Chan said, “but we should have anticipated the risks of dropping the condoms.”

“I hated those fuckers,” I complained. “Your cock feels better without them.”

Chan pulled me closer. “What did you expect, Y/N?”

“Married bliss for the rest of our lives?”

He chuckled. “Why can’t we have that with a kid?”

“Kids get in the way,” I said. “My parents had to send me to my neighbor's house just so that they could have quick sex every once in a while.”

“You’re worried that we won’t have sex anymore?” Chan asked in that ridiculous way of his that let me know I was being irrational.

“No,” I groaned, burying my face against the fabric of his t-shirt. “I’m worried that I’ll fuck everything up.”

“What do you mean?”

“Do I honestly look like I could be a mother?” I asked, stepping out of his arms. “How do you even take care of a baby?”

Chan sighed, reaching out for my hand which I tentatively allowed him to hold. “Sweetie, we’ll learn these things together. You act like you’re all alone and that’s not true at all. I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

“You’re not scared?” I asked, brushing my thumb across his hand.

“Of course I am,” he nodded. “But I’m also really excited. I think that’s how most new parents feel regardless of whether or not they planned for a baby.”

I didn’t know what to say, but I could always find solace in his eyes. At least until Felix ruined the moment. “You totally knocked her up, bro!”

Chan sighed, glancing over his shoulder. “That’s not helpful, Felix.”

“Sorry,” Felix mouthed, taking the scans into the dining room. Meanwhile, I simply allowed Chan to maintain his familiar grip on my hand because there was no better feeling in the entire world.

Nine months progressed at the slowest possible pace as if the conspiring universe was determined I should suffer from every possible pregnancy symptom imaginable. I was beginning to think I was doomed to suffer, complaining to Chan until he finally forced me to revisit my OBGYN. “The sickness is really bad,” he explained to my doctor while I just groaned on the bed.

“Let’s have a look,” my doctor suggested leading to the unanticipated revelation that I was carrying not one, but two kids inside of me.

“Twins?” Chan gasped, clapping his hands together like he had just won the jackpot lottery. Meanwhile, I suddenly lost all motivation to even move from my spot on the examination table. Apparently, pregnancy symptoms were more severe when carrying multiple children, and I had just about reached my breaking point until one glorious day when my water broke while I was beating the shit out of Felix at MarioKart.

“That’s gross, Y/N,” Felix complained until I threw my phone at him and demanded he call Chan.

By the time my husband got home, I had finished ordering Felix around, demanding he pack my bags for me until there were two suitcases instead of one. “Are you going on vacation, sweetie?” Chan asked to which I offered him my most wilting glare yet. His face immediately paled. “Right, let’s get you to the hospital.”

I was practically numb with pain by the time we were finally checked-in, leaving me groaning on a hospital bed while my idiotic doctor explained that I wasn’t dilated enough. “How the hell is that possible?” I growled.

“What about an Epidural?” he suggested.

“She doesn’t want that,” Chan insisted until I reached out to firmly crush his hand beneath mine.

“I do want that!” I snapped. “And I want it right now before I die!”

“Of course! Whatever you want, sweetie,” Chan assured me, fleeing my hospital room like he had just seen a ghost.

I tried to lean back in the bed, growing more and more irritated with the endless contractions. My doctor insisted that I wasn’t ready, but I would hate to see how much worse this could possibly get. In the meantime, Chan returned only moments later with Jisung faithfully by his side. “No,” I snarled, pointing at Jisung. “Do not let him anywhere near me with needles.”

Graciously, Chan knew better than to object to my vicious demands.

“Oh fuck,” I sighed in relief when the pain slowly started to ease. “This is amazing.”

Chan grinned from his seat next to me. “Do you feel better now?”

“I feel like I’m in one of those Willie Wonka cartoons,” I said. “Channie, I think this is what Heaven is like.”

Chan seemed amused by my reaction. “Was it really that bad, sweetie?”

“I think the kids were trying to split me open,” I told him. “My entire body was at their mercy.”

“I don’t think it’s their fault,” Chan teased. “After all, it’s just your body’s way of preparing itself.”

“Those women in the movies are fucking liars, Chan,” I said. “Pregnancy is not fun and I don’t recommend it to anyone. 0 out of 5 stars.”

Chan couldn’t hold back his laughter, leaning forward to brush a few strands of sweat-caked hair out of my eyes. “It’ll be over soon, sweetie. Then, we can finally meet our twins.”

“I expect two Mozarts, Chan,” I said. “For all this pain and suffering, I want two child prodigies who can grow up and make us lots of money.”

“Are you telling me that you’ve been incubating our retirement fund?”

“Hell yes.”

The doctor’s arrival disrupted our moment. “Shall we try pushing now?”

“Please,” I practically begged him, more than ready to do whatever it might take to end this unnecessary suffering.

“Remember your breathing,” the doctor reminded me and I quickly sought Chan’s hand, gripping it tightly between sweaty fingers. Chan was always strong, but apparently, even he found his limits when his wife was steadily crushing his hand. “Sweetie, it hurts,” Chan said, but didn’t try to pull away when I only gripped even tighter, screaming out through clenched teeth.

And several hours later, I was completely spent, breathing hard as the room filled with the sounds of distinct crying. “Congratulations, Y/N,” the doctor said, but I was already falling asleep, too exhausted to stay awake any longer.

I was still tired, despite my two-night stay at the hospital, coming home surrounded by people who insisted they needed to be involved in some capacity. Chan helped me walk to our bedroom, hand wrapped securely around my waist. Meanwhile, someone had decided it was a good idea for Han Jisung to manage both baby carriers while Felix slowly drug my bags across the floor, complaining about their weight. “They’re so cute!” Jisung squealed, bouncing the carriers with far too much enthusiasm.

I gripped tightly to Chan’s collar. “Please save my children from Jisung.”

Chan nodded, eyes perfectly serious as he adjusted my blankets. “Give me a minute, sweetie, I’ll be right back.”

I groaned, reluctantly allowing him to leave the room. Of course, the pain was absolutely worth it because when I finally woke up, I was greeted to the sight of two adorable tiny babies looking up at me with wide, curious eyes. “I did this?” I immediately questioned which Chan found amusing.

“Good job, sweetie,” he said, pressing a tender kiss to my forehead.

“I guess you helped too,” I grumbled in return.

I was drawn out of my memory by the sudden appearance of Felix who wore a bright smile. “Jisung is offended that you don’t trust him.”

“I’m just being protective,” I said. “You have to take certain precautions when it involves Jisung.”

“Well, I think we might go out later,” Felix mused, lingering by the doorway. “Are you still out of it?”

“It’s not so bad now,” I reassured him. “I did just push two kids out of my vagina.”

“Don’t need the visual,” Felix shuddered, moving out of the way for Chan who walked into the room with both baby carriers in hand.

“Jisung had to go back to the hospital anyway,” Chan said. “I’ll put the twins down in their room.”

“Okay,” I agreed, eyes following the carriers until they disappeared from sight.

“How can you already be whipped?” Felix asked. “I’ve never seen you this way.”

“My maternal instincts, I guess,” I offered in return, drowsiness slowly summoning a new urge to bury my face in the pillows.

Felix seemed to notice my dilemma. “Next time we play MarioKart, you can’t interrupt the game in the middle of a round.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

In the background, I could hear Felix talking to Chan before my husband was sitting next to me on the bed. “Try to get some sleep, sweetie,” he encouraged me, but I was already one step ahead of him.

Later that night, after several wonderful naps, I convinced Chan to help me walk to the twins’ room. “Just for a little while,” I pouted at him because Chan could never resist me.

“Alright,” he agreed. “But only because you asked so nicely.”

I stuck my tongue out at him while accepting his outstretched hand. “I probably won’t break.”

“It’s my job to protect you,” Chan said, ushering me close to his side as we slowly made the arduous trek to the bedroom at the end of the hallway. Eventually, when they were older, we planned to give them their own rooms. However, for the time being, I knew it would make things a lot easier if we could take care of them at the same time.

“Did Felix go out earlier?” I asked Chan as we passed by his room.

“He went out with Hyunjin and Jisung.”

“That’s a very dangerous combination,” I said.

“They know how to stay out of trouble,” Chan said, but I was already reminding my husband to call Felix later just in case Hyunjin tried to convince them to go to a strip club downtown.

“Here we go,” Chan said, nudging open the door with his foot, leading me inside as we navigated the darkened space. Chan kept a firm grip around my waist as we both looked down into their cribs. I remember when we first set up the beds when Chan kept screaming at Felix and Jisung because they couldn’t figure out the instructions. Eventually, I called over Minho and his friend Seungmin who were more adept at solving the complicated steps.

“We did it,” Chan whispered, sweet voice soothing in my ear.

I looked down at my twins and felt a burst of pride. “Yeah, we’re pretty fucking cool, right?”

“The coolest,” Chan agreed, leaning down for a kiss which I was more than willing to reciprocate.

#stray kids #stray kids fanfic #bang chan #bang chan fanfic #chan fanfic #stray kids chan #stray kids chan fanfic

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vindicatedvirgil · 4 years

Text

anxiety attacks / solo virgil

well, once again i’m using virgil to cope with my mental health. this is literally what i’m going through right now, my anxiety has taken a toll. obviously i don’t have a patton in my kitchen, just my dad, and i don’t share a wall with roman, just my annoying brother, and i don’t have a remus clawing at my door, just a cat.

tw: anxiety attacks.

(masterlist)

Virgil was in the kitchen making a sandwich when Patton came in, emptying the contents of the dishwasher into their proper cabinets. The clanging, heavy breathing, and movement made Virgil’s hands shake, and he struggled to clean up after himself with the other side weaving in and out of the small spaces.

He had gotten pretty good at hiding these attacks from the others. He huffed under his breath and quickly retreated into his room, the only place that felt safe.

He turned his music up loud to try to drown out the thoughts. But his chest heaved and the sandwich sat on the desk, uneaten. He was suffocating again.

He didn't think that there wasn't a trigger. He didn't think Patton could be capable of that. But the clanging and the closeness and the speedy movements— it set his teeth on edge and turned his vision red.

Sometimes those things didn't trigger an attack, so why then?

It probably had something to do with the fact that he hadn't fallen asleep until four o’clock that morning, and he was brutally awoken by Remus’ nails clawing at his door at 6:30. He tried (and failed) to go back to sleep, ultimately giving up when his need to pee was greater than his need to sleep.

And so he drank a big mug of green tea to wake him up. He seemed okay after that, spending the next few hours watching a new show on Hulu. But then he was making a sandwich and his space was limited and—

He couldn't cope with it, sometimes. It made him want to lay down on the floor and never get up again (which, coincidentally, was a method he used to try to get to sleep at 1:30 that morning, but it failed so he laid back in bed watching old youtube videos).

As he stared at his uneaten sandwich he could hear silverware clanking; the others were probably eating their lunches, now, too. Through the wall he could hear Roman’s voice, probably coming up with ideas or singing or being his usual annoying self. He hated sharing a wall with the prince, just hearing his voice set him on edge.

He ignored the snapchat that Janus sent him. He noticed a text come in from Logan and set his phone to “do not disturb” and then turned it off completely and threw it in a drawer when he couldn't bear to have its blankness mocking him any longer.

He tried to regulate his breathing. In, out, in, out.

Five things he saw: the light from his laptop, the uneaten sandwich, his water bottle, his hands shaking, and the shadow of someone walking past his door.

Four things he felt: the bed bouncing under him with every movement he made, the hood of his jacket shifting as he buried his head into his pillow, the soft grazes from the air conditioning, lonely.

Three things he could hear: the fan whirring softly, silverware clanking (he knew he wasn't alone), Roman’s voice.

Two things he could smell: the relish he added to his sandwich, remnants of the green tea he had earlier.

One thing he could taste: the sandwich as he finally lifted it to his lips and took a bite.

#amanda writes sanders sides fic #ts anxiety #anxiety sanders #ts virgil #virgil sanders #tw anxiety #anxiety attack

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theanxiousunicorn · 3 years

Text

Anxiety

I have been living with it for so long it’s almost become a side kick. A friend.

If it’s with me all the time it can’t jump out at me and take me down as it has many many times before!

If I’m already expecting the worst to happen .... it’s just always such a beautiful and wonderful day when it doesn’t.

If I embrace my anxious feelings of palpitations, jelly legs, shortness of breath, disconnection, I can mind over matter them.

Oh yeah! That’s a thing!

I believe it’s called “high functioning anxiety”

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-high-functioning-anxiety-4140198 explains it really well.

What really resonates with me is the section that says;

“If you have high functioning anxiety, you've likely become adept at presenting a false persona to the world and never show your true feelings to anyone.

Instead, you keep it all bottled up inside and compartmentalize your feelings with a plan to deal with them later (but later never comes).

I couldn’t have put it better myself! I have a handful of people that know the “truth” and at my age I think that’s pretty good going! As I feel anxious (lockdown aside) usually from a few minutes before I realise I have to leave the house and for the majority of the day. To only have a handful of people truly know the inner turmoil means .... I must be a very talented actress!

I have had anxiety and panic attacks mixed with bouts of depression since lower school. I could never verbalise it at that age (I was 5!) I think it came out as “stomach ache” or “I feel sick” which isn’t untrue! And it wasn’t until I was 16 when I finally told the truth about how I felt after years of feeling a freak, that I was the only one, the constant fight or flight battle going on within me that caused me to get into no end of trouble at school (flight literally meant ... out of the school gates and home!) uncomfortable situations with friends where I would abruptly leave sleepovers in the middle of the night, cancel plans last minute, not leave my bunk bed on school trips and dissolve into uncontrollable tears at every opportunity because I just did not know what was wrong! I just knew I felt terrible everywhere but at home.

So to look back now at all of that, and look at myself today. My own office. An OFFICE! A team of 5 employees. Attendance at board meetings. A Head of a Department. I have to think (as does anyone that knew me at school and soon after!) how?? How have I done this??

Am I on the right mix of medication?

No. I am not on any for anxiety or depression much to my GP’s distress!

Am I on an expensive therapy of some kind?

No. But I have tried them all! And can hand on heart say CBT is the only one I would recommend. (From my experience)

Am I anxiety and panic attack free?

Sadly no! My panic attacks have .... mutated shall we say! Over the years. I learned to ignore them coming, and could minimise the damage! So my brain found other ways to warn me! That were more severe. I now recognise those as anxiety attacks also (after some scary experiences!) and am able to manage this a bit better. But will I ever be free of them? I really don’t know. But I do hope so!

The anxious feelings at this point I sadly do bring on myself. It’s become my side kick. If I don’t feel anxious leaving home (lockdown aside ... again! we aren’t meant to be out a lot!) then I seem to think about it until it comes. And I believe that is because I secretly feel if it’s already there it can’t come out of nowhere! Like it has in the past.

But I’ll tell you this! I have gone through stages in life where I couldn’t leave the house, stages where I couldn’t leave my BEDROOM! I used to hold on to the need to pee rather than go to the bathroom which was in the next room! I had people think I was having a full on breakdown (maybe I was) I‘ve had eating disorders that have brought me down to less than 6 stone and driven my family to their wits end.

I have lost friends, jobs, relationships, not been able to explain my behaviour, I’ve felt I’m losing my mind. But I’m here! A manager, a wife, a dog mum! I’m here x

#anxiety disorder #anxiety #lifeisbeautiful

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tavi-hayes · 4 years

Text

side fic one ~ a series of very unfortunate events

((hiii! here’s a little side fic with some lovely rps with chris @leanarg and anna @arin-schreave thank you both! ignore all the spelling and grammar mistakes, as you always have to do with my writing woops...))

“Lady Octavia, what have you done?” one of my maids, Carla, almost screams at me. I can’t tell if she is angry, upset or disappointed. Or a mixture of all those things.

I’m looking at the mess I created, “it was an accident, I just wanted…”

Carla sighs, “accident or not, now I’ll be the one to clean it again.”

“I - I can do it myself,” it’s not like changing bed sheets is something new to me. At home I had to do it all the time, especially when little Arlan had been going through the peeing-in-bed phase.

Carla gives me a pointed look, “no, you’ve done enough. Please go!”

All the other girls seemed to have gotten friendly maids, but I was stuck with the one with a sour personality. I collect my iPod and my headphones, where do I even go to?

As I am about to leave, my other maid Willa enters the room. She gasps, “what on earth is that?”

Sour Carla shoots me an enraged look, narrowing her eyes at me. “Someone thought it was clever to eat ice cream in bed.”

There was in fact a gigantic brown stain on my bedding. The cause: chocolate ice cream. I hadn’t been paying attention as I wanted to grab one of the law books from my bedside table. I had reached over, pulling the blankets with me and then the bowl tipped over, creating a mess.

I don’t feel like being in this room anymore. Before I close the door behind me, I hear Carla say, “she’s supposed to be a lady, not one of those savages.”

To let them know, I actually heard that I close the door. With a bang.

Now that I’m in the hallway all by myself, I feel like I can breathe again. My head is pounding, why is that I always end up in situations where people just bring me down?

Still unsure of where to go, I take the stairs down to the main floor. The door to the women’s room catches my eye. Please let it be empty. Please!

I open the door and peak inside: empty, thank god! But as I open the door further my eye lands on someone else. She hasn’t noticed me yet, so I decide to clear my throat softly, “uh, hi?”

The girl doesn’t even look up from her work, “hey…”

Wow, okay. “Do you mind me being here? Or would you rather be on your own?” I keep my hand on the doorknob, ready to leave again.

It seems like I got her attention now, “oh, hello!” she says as she turns her face towards me, “You are fine, I can continue this later,” pointing towards her work.

Nodding I say, “okay cool,” I walk over to one of the sofas in front of the window and sit down. I pull my legs up in an attempt to make myself comfortable. Then I focus on the other girl again. I’m not sure if I have been seen her face before during the meals. My guess is that she is another selected, but given the fact that I also didn’t know the ex-fiancée from our wonderful prince I decide to ask for a confirmation anyway, “you're also a selected right?”

That makes her laugh a little bit, “yes, I am,” she says as she puts her stuff on her lap, turning towards me. “I’m Leana Grant and you are ...?”

Phew, I feel relieved that she not actually an old flame from the prince. Her name, Grant, does ring a bell but I’m unsure where I’ve heard it before.

“Octavia but please call me Tavi,” I can feel a yawn coming up, so I bring up a hand to cover my mouth, “nice to meet you.”

“Seems like you need some good rest, Tavi,” Leana says with a raised eyebrow. Please, tell me something I don’t know.

“Yeah I still need to get used to the time zone difference and it’s only a 2-hour difference,” I flip my hair over my other shoulder, “so what were you doing in here?”

For some reason unknown to me, she moves a bit uncomfortably in her chair, “just distracting myself a bit, the change of habits it’s hard as well...” she pauses before changing the subject, “what would you been doing right now back at your province?”

“Uhm I don’t really know what the time is right now, but I would probably be at work,” that seems like the safest answer. I yawn again. Maybe I should go to bed early tonight, then I remember the situation in my bedroom and I immediately don’t feel like going back there anymore. “Do you miss your life back home? What did you do to fill your day?”

“Not exactly miss, no, college and I work for a newspaper, The Globe, but maybe you haven’t read it...” Leana waves it off, but the mention of a newspaper my attention rises. I feel fully awake all of a sudden.

“Wait,” I narrow my eyes, “you work for a newspaper? So you're a journalist?”

My pulse quickens, please don’t be a journalist, be a photographer, an editor, anything else.

“Yes I am.”

A memory resurfaces: my mom sitting on a chair in the kitchen, crying. Myself trying to comfort her. A doorbell ringing. ‘I’ll go get it,’ I tell her. But as I open the door to see who it was, a billion camera flashes blind me.

“What do you write about?” I ask Leana. The Globe. One of the newspapers to write about my dad’s arrest. And instead of writing the freaking truth, they turned my dad into the most dangerous criminal Illéa had ever seen.

“Um, does it matter?”

People with recording devices and cameras push forward. I can barely keep them from entering our house.

“How does it feel having a criminal in the family?”

“How many skeletons are there in your father’s closet?”

“Are you his accomplice?”

“Care to comment?”

“Ever felt the urge to kill?”

“Did you know…”

“Our sources claim…”

All the voices blur together, I quickly close the door and lock it. I do the same with the back door. Telling Aria and Arlan to go join mom in the kitchen, I close the curtains and barricade the front door with the sofa.

I narrow my eyes at the girl, I see her in a completely different lighting now. “From my own experience, lots of people working in the news sector only focus on making headlines not even caring if the news they’re selling is even true.”

The next day, the headlines in every newspaper had been about my dad. Writing their own version of the story. Making it thrilling, exciting, scary just to get people to read their dumb paper.

Leana starts laughing at me, “you mean making statements without further information...?”

I can’t even hear her properly anymore. I’m seeing red. All the anger and hurt that I’ve kept hidden for so many years, takes control of me. I can’t push those emotions down anymore.

Collecting my stuff from the sofa, I stand, “you are all the same,” I roll my eyes, “only caring about landing the big story.”

“Such an accusation would require proofs and I doubt you have any.” Her voice is way to calm for my liking.

Pfft, she is just like the other press. “just open your eyes, maybe read some articles your beloved newspaper has published.” I can’t stand to be in the same room as this girl anymore, I need to calm myself down. Walking over towards the door, I say, “you news people are just using everyone as pieces in your chess game, and that's wrong!”

Leana keeps her perfect composure, “alright this sounds like a personal problem.” Her eyes narrow at me, just when I open the door, “do you care to share?”

Why would I want to share anything with her? “I'd rather not,” in the most sarcastic way possible I add, “I wouldn't want to read about it in the newspaper tomorrow.”

She walks past me out of the room, before I even have the chance. “Well, I will tell you then that the press wasn’t really the problem.”

I scoff, “and what was the problem then?”

She frowns, but I can tell she is faking her confusion, “thought you didn’t trust the press.”

I want to get away from her as quickly as possible, “wow what a joy you are.” I start walking away, not hearing anything else she says, and not looking back once.

In my head I’m trying to push my feelings back behind that the solid wall inside of me again. They shouldn’t have broken free, but that girl was just saying all the wrong things. All I can see is an image of my dad’s unconscious body being dragged out of the court room.

That was the last time I saw him. I feel my eyes becoming watery. Actively trying to think about nicer things, like music and my band, make me forget my surroundings completely. I don’t see the other person walking directly in my path. Until I run it them, literally.

An oof escapes from the other person.

“Just look where you’re…” I don’t finish my sentence when I see who it is, I’ve run into, “oh, I’m sorry!”

The prince ignores me completely, already crouching down on the floor to pick up his papers which have scattered everywhere. “I should have been paying attention”

“Yeah you should have,” that sounded way harsher than I intended, plus I need to remember that this is the person who could send me home any minute. I crouch down as well and try help him picking up his papers. “I'm sorry though, it is also my fault.”

He looks at me, “My apologies, Lady.......”

Well, how great is this? He doesn’t even remember me. I guess I didn’t make a good impression on him during the interview after all. I just blink at him, confused myself. I’m pretty sure I’m the only one with curly hair, but okay… “It’s Octavia. We’ve met before you know.” I collect some more of the fallen papers.

“Yes,” he nods, “I remember.” He reaches for the papers in my hands, instead of being the annoying little child everyone claims me to be, I hand them over immediately. “You're the one who likes Dutch love songs?”

Another blow to my ego, “I'm just gonna ignore the fact that you don't remember me, but who on earth likes Dutch love songs?” Flipping my hair over my other shoulder I say, “I know quite a bit about music, so I can say the Dutch and music do not go together at all.” I realize I’m being a little bit aggressive right now, sighing I add, “but okay everyone can like whatever they want to like, I suppose.”

“I imagine the Dutch would disagree…” he neatly piles the rest of the papers, then looks at me again. “Are you the one that churns butter?”

“What?” I don’t know what’s worse, the fact that he doesn’t even remember a little bit about me, or the fact that he thinks I look like a butter churner. I can only stare at him. “Someone can churn butter?”

At that the prince nods a little, “I think so...?” He shifts uncomfortably, “oh, sorry... I forgot to ask if you're okay.”

“Oh yeah I'm fine, nothing I can't handle.” I clear my throat softly, realizing I probably should have asked the same thing, “what about yourself? You look a bit dishevelled.”

“Yes, well... Being run into will do that to a person.” The prince takes a deep breath, then says, “why were you going so fast anyway?”

That makes me remember the encounter with Leana. My feelings have been locked away behind that wall again. But it doesn’t sound like a great idea to tell him about my little rampage. Tavi think. “Oh uhm, maybe I just like speed walking,” I say, looking down at my dress and realizing I look dishevelled as well. I try straightening it.

“Inside?” he glances around.

I nod my head, “hmm, gotta keep myself in shape.” Very believable…

That earns me a frown, “alright then... If you say so. Maybe just consider going outside next time.”

“Thanks for the tip, I will keep that in mind.” I nod again. Let’s change the topic. “What were you doing? Are you always walking around with your nose in whatever that is?” I motion towards the stack of papers he has been clutching close to him.

“Oh, they're just meeting notes. But no this isn't normal. Why...? Are you planning on running into me again?”

What does that mean? Unlike other girls here I don’t necessarily feel the need to know his whereabouts. Let me just do my own thing, searching for law books in the library that is.

“If that's what it takes for you to actually remember me, then yes I will make it my daily goal to find you. It's not like I have anything better to do,” I say jokingly.

He just blinks at me, no laugh, no smile, nothing, just those eyes blinking. And he actually takes a few steps backwards, “I have to warn you... Kevin won't like that.”

I genuinely can’t tell if he’s being serious… “I don't know who this Kevin person is,” I sigh, coming to the conclusion that maybe I should clear the air a bit, “but don't worry I won't seek you out if I don't have to.”

“He's my bodyguard...” the prince says before frowning at me, “I'm sorry that I ran into you and if it upset you.”

“What?” Why can he read me like that? I’m over here trying to hide everything I feel, and then this prince comes along and just sees it anyway. Well he doesn’t know the cause of these emotions but still I feel very vulnerable all of a sudden. I furrow my eyebrows, “that's not what upset me. Why do you think that?”

“Because we just ran into each other and you seem unhappy…”

Maybe I’m just not as good at hiding my feelings as I thought I was. “Oh uhm that is not because of you,” I pause for a bit, desperately trying to think of something to say. I start looking around, hoping to find inspiration elsewhere. But luck is not on my side, “just, you know.”

“I don’t,” he says, shaking his head. “But alright…”

“I'm sure you have enough problems of your own, I won't trouble you with mine,” I say flipping my hair again. Why do I keep talking?

The prince frowns at me again, which seems to be his go-to facial expression. “Why do you all think I'm so troubled?”

I didn’t say he was troubled, did I? But if others are saying it as well…? “Maybe it's just the vibe you sent off. But like aren't you going to run this country? I'm sure that isn't an easy task.”

“Well, I don’t think I’m troubled,” the prince states, very convincingly if you ask me. Not. “And I’m sure I’ll do just fine. I have years to get ready.”

I strongly suppress my eyeroll reflex, “okay if you say so.”

His gaze is fully on me again, before he frowns again. “Unless you know something I don’t.”

“It’s just,” I sigh, “no one is perfect. Everyone is fighting their own battles you know.”

“I guess yeah,” the prince says as he glances down at the papers in his hands. “Though I’m not sure a hallway fight was necessary.”

“You…” I’m shocked beyond words, “you consider this a fight?” Had I been too aggressive, too hostile? I genuinely feel bad for making him feel like this was a fight. It was all my fault anyway. Well technically it was all Leana’s fault, but still the poor prince in front of me didn’t deserve to be dragged into this. By me. “I'm sorry I didn't mean to... I will just go,” I say, desperately to end this … whatever this is.

But the prince shakes his head, “no, it was a joke. Uh, I’m sorry. It wasn’t a good one.”

I turn to face him again. Did he just… make a joke? “You almost made me feel bad,” but his words actually made me relax a little, “you have an interesting sense of humour.”

“I’d argue it’s a bad one if I upset you that much.” The prince swallows and shifts a bit awkwardly. Can he please stop reading me?

“That didn’t really have anything to do with you,” I sigh, being very aware I should probably give him some more information. “I was…” I pause again, not really sure how to put it all in a sentence without dumping all my crap on him. “I was upset because of some bad memories,” I look at the stairs again, my only escape, “I can go if you want.”

“You don't have to go if you don't want to. It's just the hallway and you're mostly free to be where you like.”

Free to be where I like, okay noted. “Yeah but I don't wanna keep you from whatever it is you have to do,” I flip my hair again, maybe I should try not to do that so often, “or make you feel awkward in your own home.”

The prince glances around again, “I promise you that you weren’t the person to make it awkward.”

I remember him doing the exact same thing during the interview, “who was it then?” I look around as well, “is it that bodyguard of yours? Is he sneaking around?”

He looks very uncomfortable. Did he not realize it was a joke? “Oh um, no. Kevin isn’t awkward.”

Perhaps someone should teach him how to take a joke, not take life so seriously. I don’t think I’m the right person for that. “Oh well okay,” I shift my weight from one foot to the other, “I won't take up more of your time.” I offer him a small smile. Why? I don’t know. “Sorry for running into you, literally.”

The prince nods his head, “well, I'm sorry I also ran into you. I'll uh... see you around then I guess?”

“I guess you will,” if he doesn’t send me home before that. It takes me a few steps towards the stairs for me to remember the company I’m in. I quickly turn around and drop into a curtsy, “goodbye your highness.”

He raises his eyebrows at that, but then nods, “I'll see you around. Try not to hurt anyone else.”

That makes me chuckle softly, “I can’t promise that.” And with that we part ways.

Before I know it, I’m back in my bedroom again. That weird run-in with the prince had put my mind at rest, I feel much more at rest right now.

I notice the new bedding, making a mental note to thank my maids the next time I see them.

But then I notice my hands being empty. No no no. I must have dropped my iPod in the hallway, the same time the prince dropped his notes. Except I forgot to pick up my own stuff.

I hurry back towards the hall. it must be here somewhere. After at least 20 minutes of me crawling over the floor, looking under sofas, behind flowerpots, everywhere, I realize it’s gone. And my world collapses.

#side fic #fic #selectionoc

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polygamyff · 4 years

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61.

I took in a deep breath; I had a restless night and it’s my nerves I think. I mean tomorrow I will be a married woman; this is actually happening this time. I feel extremely nervous about this but not as nervous as my mother, she is so emotional that she is giving me away which to me is perfect because I want someone that loves and adores me to do this, it doesn’t really bother me that Thomas is not doing it. It was sweet that my uncle offered, he offered to walk me down the aisle, it was nice to hear that from him and I can’t thank them enough with the love they show me constantly, I do need them to stop getting so emotional on me though. Looking over at Maurice asleep still, it’s early and I just can’t sleep. We have really narrowed down the list, we literally have space. Maurice is dead against everyone, it’s me saying no let them come. With my family, the Latin side. I have my grandparents, my aunties and uncles and that is it, Maurice said no to anything else and out of my mom’ side, just auntie Gloria. Maurice is eliminating any person that hates him, Gloria is harmless, so he says. But it’s going to be a very intimate wedding, and to me that is perfect. We are having the people that are happy for us and I am so excited, the Saudi prince is coming too and he always likes me, he has the utmost respect for me which is nice to see but I wonder which wife he will bring with him. God, I am so nervous. I am happy and excited too because I am marrying my best friend, I can’t wait to just grow old with him. Pushing the covers off of me, let me just get out of bed because I will get to a point where I will just wake him just to annoy him. Getting up to sit on the edge of my bed, touching my stomach. I can’t wait for this baby to arrive; I feel like I am ready for it so I am excited.

“Hey, Robyn. Bonita, baby” vaguely hearing Maurice say “mhmm” I groaned out moving “mommy don’t want to wake up, baby. Wake up” opening my eyes slowly “I fell asleep” looking around me, clearly I did on the couch “yeah, Reign was crying in the crib but I didn’t see you in the bed. I saw you here asleep with the TV on, you good?” Maurice asked, nodding my head as I stretched out “yeah I am, I couldn’t sleep in the bed but clearly can sleep” Maurice lowered Reign to me “what are you doing?” I questioned “I want to have a shower and stuff, also I need to pee” nodding my head “morning Reign” Maurice gently placed Reign on me but she was quick to crawl on me “woah!” grabbing her legs “you out here trying to crawl on my new love?” she whined out because she can’t move, letting her legs go and lifted her up myself, she took her pacifier out “give mommy a kiss?” poking my lips out, Reign headbutted my lips “thanks” she put her pacifier back in her mouth and then rested her head on my chest “you are a big girl now” wrapping my arms around her “you want snuggles with mommy” I swear I thought I wasn’t tired but clearly I am, I probably got bored of watching Kim Kardashian.

Smiling at Reign yanking Rich’ covers from him, this man is still here sleeping on the couch “hey, I am naked here stop it” I hope the fuck not but Reign still proceeded to pull at the covers, she wants them off “I am joking, I have sweatpants on and a tee, nobody wants to see this white body now” Rich let the covers fall “oh no!” he gasped, Reign looked at me laughing “you are naughty, she does it to Maurice but the difference with that is he can be naked sometimes. Nobody wants to see that” Reign is trying to put it back on him now “no, it’s ok. I don’t want it” Rich got up from the couch “well I mean clearly you want to see that, I mean” he laughed pointing at me and Reign “you got pregnant again, so I guess you like that shit” he shrugged “maybe I closed my eyes” I pointed at Rich, he pointed back at me “or maybe you are lying” he is annoying, Reign is touching Rich’ arm “oh my god Reign-Texas! Are you touching other men!?” Reign jumped at Maurice’ voice which made me laugh, she was quick to move “oh wow Reign, you out here touching other men” I laughed at my daughter running to her dad, my poor daughter. Maurice is not shit at all “so Rich, you got your suit ready for the wedding?” looking at him “yes and no, I need to go and pick it up. Also, I wanted to ask, can I bring my mom?” I cooed out “that is cute, I say yes. Ignore what Maurice says, is she coming alone?” I asked “yes, just me and my mom. I just thought I need a date so why not, but she doesn’t mind being alone, but I totally understand if you think no?” shaking my head “no, bring her. That is cute, mother and son. Also, Maurice will say no, ignore him” feeling Maurice sit next to me “I can say no, I am the boss” here he goes “whatever” waving him off.

The way I am gagging over the fact there is eggs on my plate, let me just stop eating this. Pushing my plate, a little “this is nice, I love your mom. Is she living with us?” Rich pointed the fork at me “us?” I retorted “yes us, your home is my home too. Like when you on your honeymoon I am there, also Maurice said I have to do a sex tape for you both?” Maurice laughed like a goof and then Reign copied him “excuse me?” I said to Rich “ask him, he asked me” looking at Maurice “Robyn, he is lying to you. You get so worked up; the honeymoon is just us two. Rich is just being annoying” he is saying that but is laughing and giving stupid looks to Rich which makes me wonder if he did mention “can you be my mom too in New York?” my mom sat at the table with us “of course I can, I don’t mind having a second son now. Maurice is also my son too” my is too sweet “that is so cute to see, honestly. You are very kind to me, you ask where I been too like you care” Rich really like my mom “well I like good people in my life, and you are a good guy, just like Maurice. Even though he can be silly at times. So tomorrow, this time tomorrow I will be rushing around my daughter. What are you thinking of doing Maurice, staying here?” I needed to mention that to Maurice “yes if you don’t mind. I will stay here and arrive at Sacramento tomorrow morning” I am going to miss my baby “of course you can stay here, I will keep my daughter company for the night. I think she will be sleeping well tonight; you have been stressing all night last night so tonight you will get some rest” nodding my head slowly.

Let me catch Maurice before he rushes off “can I speak to you before you leave” I said to him as I walked off towards the living area “I will be back, I am just getting some things you know” turning to him “I know you will be but I will be busy with packing my things, I will miss you” smiling at him “I will miss you too, it’s going to be weird though seeing you tomorrow. You going to be in a wedding dress, I will be sweating in a suit waiting for you. I am nervous, it’s not even about the people around it is just the simple fact I want the day to go perfect for you, the best day ever. You going to be my wife for real now, I can’t fuck up now. My divorce will be wild” hitting his arm lightly “be quiet, I just wanted to say. How you feel about Leon, Jacob and Asia going on your jet. I don’t just want to take them on there and you see it” Maurice pulled a fact at me “it’s your day, you take them on there and have fun. Shame you can’t drink and have fun, but you do what you like, they jet is yours. What is mines is yours and tomorrow that will all be legal” I cooed out “pootie, thank you” hugging him “I try, I ain’t going to make a big deal out of it. It’s about you Robyn” he is so good to me “and I appreciate that Maurice, thank you” kissing his cheek.

Walking behind Jay down the stairs “you sure you ain’t got a dead body in this” Jay complained, a shriek came from the living room “girl!!” seeing Asia “hey! Y’all ain’t late! My god” Asia ran at me “Meet me at the altar in your white dress, we ain't getting no younger, we might as well do it” Asia started singing as she hugged me as I laughed “aye, aye, aye! Let me get in this” Jacob wrapped his arms around us “it’s about damn time, I can’t wait to throw it down! I want the damn songs” it is so good to have these with me, like I know shit went sideways but they all do make me so happy “I want to be throwing my ass around” looking at Leon, he is just smiling at me “who would have fucking thought bitch, you getting married. A whole mother of two and married, chile. I am so happy for you, you deserve it but you are still my girl” opening my arms as I walked towards Leon “I love you so much Leon” Leon held me close “it’s emotional, I feel like a proud father too. I just now there will be tears; I mean I will be dancing and showing out, but I am going to be so emotional. It’s been a long ass fucking road” Leon is the only one to make it through the journey with me, he has rode with me since unlike Tiffany.

I had to laugh, I mean I am not having a hen night but these are really showing out “thank god for the second SUV” Maurice has just pulled up too “out of every damn song you playing this out loud? This is why y’all can’t be taken anywhere, embarrassing as fuck!” I shouted at them, they would be having Ludacris what’s your fantasy playing out loud “I came in time huh” Maurice said, nodding my head “you are right on time, you picked up Lenny then” Maurice looked at the SUV “this is going to be you two tomorrow night!” Asia shouted waving; Maurice actually smiled but he doesn’t want to laugh too much “they are celebrating on my behalf I guess” Maurice nodded his head looking at me “I can see that, I guess you going to have some fun huh. But you go for it, I will see you tomorrow. I am nervous and yes I will shave” he knows “good, I love you and call if you need anything. You got Rich and Matt keeping you company now” Maurice wrapped his arms around me “I know but I prefer your company but have fun, they look fun” wrapping my arms around his neck “that probably hurt you saying that now” I know him “I am serious, have fun. Not too much though, they right. Tomorrow night that will be us, or we could be knocked out asleep. Probably the sleep part with us” he laughed “we have a lifetime with each other, take care” Maurice pressed a kiss to my lips “call me just so I know you got there safely, after that I won’t talk to you. Just your mom or Reign, clearly you got some little party going on” smiling at him “I will, don’t pull that face on me now. I will be seeing you” walking off “I love you Robyn” looking behind me “don’t give me that face pootie” he can’t be pulling that face with me.

#Chrianna #Chrianna FF #Fanfic #Fanfiction

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dylan-o-yumm · 5 years

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ABC’s of Vergil

(WARNING! Obviously nsfw)

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Vergil won’t do much after sex except for maybe letting you rest your head on his chest or use his arm as a pillow. He’ll occasionally stroke your hair, but only if he’s in a good mood. He’ll also maybe help clean you up a bit, but most times he doesn’t bother, because “that’s your problem, not mine.” If it was a particularly rough session, he might stay awake to talk to you a bit, or read some poetry to bring you back down to earth, but that’s about as soft and romantic he gets with aftercare.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partners)

Doesn’t really care about what he looks like, whether its because he knows deep down he looks like his brother, or because, why care about his own looks when there are much more pressing topics to endure? With you, he kind of feels the same way, he feels that a persons appearance shouldn’t matter at all because… well, whats the point? But, if he had to pic a part of you that he might find himself gazing at once every while, it would either be your lips or your hips.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

After discovering he has Nero, he did his research and becomes a little worried whenever engaging in sexual intercourse with you. So, he will never cum inside you, even if you’re on the pill or any other contraception types. Even if he’s wearing a condom, he will try to pull out before he cums because he is so paranoid that you’ll end up pregnant. He has heard of contraception failures, like condoms breaking or whatnot. He also knows that precum can get a woman pregnant, so he always makes sure to use protection.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Dante was talking about some odd kind of videos, saying that Vergil would probably like them since he’s into the whole Japanese aesthetic. He was just goofing around of course, but Vergil didn’t know what this was (cause he’s been in Hell for a long time and is only just getting used to the internet) so, he looked up this… “hentai” that Dante spoke of and was more than surprised at what he found. He became even more surprised when he found he didn’t exactly hate it either… He doesn’t watch it often, hardly at all actually. Much prefers your body over some pixels on a screen.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

(Nero’s mum was his first, fight me) Poor dude had little to no experience when he first slept with you. You want to help him develop his skills? Too bad, shut up and let him discover what he likes most for himself. He will not let you, in any way, shape or form, suggest other things or positions he might like. If you happen to enjoy what he’s doing so far, good. If not, thats not his problem. He’ll slowly gets better at actually focusing on your pleasure instead of his own, but in the beginning he doesn’t even think about what you’re feeling. You’re moaning though, thats a good thing, right?

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably exclude a visual)

Vergil likes positions where he doesn’t have your eyes on him. He doesn’t like when you face him and stare at him, because he feels a bit awkward when you moan and look at him with lust and desire in your eyes. Anyone else would find it hot, but not Vergil. So, taking you from behind while you’re on your knees, face pressed into the mattress or floor is one of his favourites. Also bending you over furniture is very arousing to him, with his hand pressed firmly on the side of your head, pinning you down while he snaps his hips against your ass. Just the thought of you like that is enough to make his mind spiral into nothing but dirty thoughts.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment or are they humorous, etc)

He is as serious as they come! Unlike Dante, who loves to make his s/o laugh at any given chance, Vergil much prefers to simply focus on getting the pleasure he so desires. If you start laughing about something while he’s balls deep inside you, he will straight up cover your mouth with his hand to shut you up. But, for whatever reason, if that doesn’t stop you, and he can still hear your giggles, he will either set a brutal pace to insure you can’t even remember how to laugh, or simply walk away. Want to laugh like its all a joke? Have fun reaching an orgasm by yourself.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc?)

His hair is surprisingly down a lot more than you’d expect, he only really keeps it up during the day, but will let it down at night. He’s very well groomed, always hygienic. He seems bare up top, crazily smooth even on his arms and legs, but he does actually have hair there, they’re just very fine and, because they’re white, you can only really see them in the sun. However, he does have a nice and even patch of white hair at his crotch. Literally never lets it get to be too much, he basically has a shower ritual, so don’t worry about him getting all scruffy and smelly on you.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Hardly romantic. Especially not at first. In the beginning he only cares for his own pleasure, and that will always be somewhat of an issue with him, but he does manage to get better as time goes on. It was actually his poetry that made him realise that, some love poem about treating your partner better than anyone. He kind of brushed it off at first, but it was always in the back of his mind. However, before then, he is very cold and distant, even when he’s got you shuddering as you reach your climax right under him.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcannon)

Doesn’t do it. He did a few times before he met you, but he always felt disgusted about it. He found it dirty and almost repulsive at some times. He knows that its a normal thing that a lot of people do, but he finds it uncomfortable when he does it himself. Doesn’t mean he hasn’t, there were a few times when he felt very needy and simply couldn’t ignore the tent forming in his pants, so he quickly jerked off and came into his hand, trying to make as little of a mess as possible, then washed his hands almost frantically.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Likes choking and breath play, giving not receiving. He always has to be in charge, so he’s heavily into being dominant. He always found bondage to be fascinating, but never acted on it, because he felt like it would be too weird and he would be judged or made fun of for it. Basically anything where he’s the alpha who gets to be in charge of everything, is what really gets him going. If you tell him you want to be in charge, he will most likely laugh in your face and say “oh, you think you can make me submit? Foolish” so, feel free to try, but he won’t go easy on you, it’ll take a lot of strength and power to get him to do what you say.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Isn’t too kinky when it comes to location. A bed will suffice him well enough, but he won’t say no to a good, sturdy desk or table. He isn’t one for having sex in public places, more so because he has a reputation to uphold, not because he doesn’t want anyone seeing you naked or anything. He would probably like other people to see what it is they can’t have and practically rub their faces in it, but thats more of an unsurfaced fantasy that he will never be making a reality.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Sitting in his lap and grinding against him is probably the quickest way to get him riled up. But surprisingly, even though he’s always rough and tough and hardly ever shows his emotions willingly, he is a sucker for your lips on his neck. Shockingly, something he isn’t in control of and could be a sign of weakness in his eyes, gets him hard in no time, if done correctly. Suck his sweet spot, maybe bite a little bit and you might just pull an unwilling sound out of his mouth. As soon as that happens though, be ready to be slammed down on whatever surface is closest, because he needs to put you back in your place.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Inviting other people into bed with you is a big no. I mean, theres a chance he might go for it on one of his good days, but don’t expect that person to be walking out of the room alive afterwards. He wont be submissive, he wont be humiliated, he wont be tied, bound, blindfolded or gagged. He doesn’t even want to hear about golden showers or anything involving pee or fecal matter. Toys used on him are a no. Pretty much anything that sounds like it could be used against him in a humiliating fashion, he won’t even think about it, it will be a straight up no.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Does’t really care for either. He’ll go down on you rarely, because his pleasure comes first remember? He is very skilled at it though and will have you begging for him to eat you out whenever you two have free time on your hands. If you go down on him, he just gets impatient, because he can’t go as hard as he wants or he will literally kill you, and he prefers to hear your erotic sounds, rather than them being muffled around his cock.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Almost always fast and rough with you, likes to have you screaming his name with tears streaming down your face from the intense pleasure he gives you. Likes to leave a red print on the side of your face as he holds you down with your cheek pressed into whatever surface you’re on. He likes how you get lost in the pleasure and can’t think of anything to say other than his name. He gets cocky when he watches you walk funny for the next couple of hours, the ache between your legs making you shuffle around awkwardly like a penguin. Why be slow and sensual when nothing can beat those fun, little details?

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He’s not really for or against them. He doesn’t like the idea of having to rush, but if you both have a minute to spare through a busy schedule, he will pin you against a wall, take your pants off, shift your panties to the side and fuck you nice and fast to quickly bring you both to climax. He does much prefer to take his time with with you though, savouring the feeling of your warmth and tightness, while listening to your moans and screams as if they’re his favourite song.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

The biggest risk he ever took with you was teasing you under the table while out for dinner with the Devil May Cry crew. You were being bratty before hand so he had to teach you a lesson somehow, and just how lucky were you to be wearing a skirt? He usually wouldn’t do such a thing because he found it dirty and unnecessary, especially in public. But if you rile him up, he has to assert his dominance somehow, even if he is arguing with his brother while doing so. He didn’t want to get caught for his own benefit, so he didn’t draw attention to you, didn’t tease you by making you talk to anyone while pinching your bundle of nerves. Which you were thankful for. You did hate how calm and collected he looked the whole time, while you were left biting down on your tongue to keep yourself quiet.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they last for, how long do they last…)

With his demonic side, he has a lot more stamina than an average man, so realistically he can go for maybe 5+ rounds if he really wanted to. But, he finds just one to be quite enough. He isn’t a sex fiend like his brother who could have sex all day, every day, finding that indulging his sexual pleasure just once a day or so is more than enough. He doesn’t push himself after his first orgasm, because he thinks ‘what is the point of continuing when I’ve already gotten what I so desired?’ One round can last a while though, he’s pretty good at control so he can last as long or short as he wants, ranging from a 5 minute quick to over an hour, but it both depends on his mood and whether or not you’ve been bratty. (Be bratty if you want him to last longer).

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

No toys for himself but he did manage to get into the use of handcuffs and blindfolds for you, but only if you bought them yourself because he would never be caught doing anything more than merely looking in the direction of a sex shop. If you have a vibrator or dildo for yourself for when he’s away or whatever other reason, he wont mind too much, surprisingly doesn’t get offended or jealous, but he will say something along the lines of “Do what you want while I’m away, but I know a piece of plastic cannot be more pleasurable than I?” Just know that while he is in the same house as you, you wont even think of using them or you’ll be punished.

U = Unfair (How much do they like to tease)

(I’m in two minds about this one) Vergil doesn’t tease too much surprisingly, not the kind of guy to beat around the bush. His form of teasing is more of a punishment, like not letting you cum, or making you cum too many times to the point your begging him to stop. That’s only if your bratty and question his dominance. That’s also later into the relationship, earlier on he doesn’t even bother with any form of teasing, its just, get whatever pleasure you can before I finish and thats it. If you tease him though, you’ll be in for a real treat…

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make)

He’s very quiet. Maybe a few grunts here and there, but you’ll never catch him moaning. Even when you kiss and bite his neck how he likes it, he never releases a moan, its more of an animal-like growl instead. (He totally purrs when you massage his scalp or play with his hair, but he suppresses it enough that you can’t hear it, however there is no stopping the deep rumbling in his chest, like he’s vibrating)(Don’t mention it to him though, or he’ll swat your hand away any time you go to touch his hair).

W = Wildcard (Get a random headcannon for the character of your choice)

Vergil is only as rough and focused on himself, because he is surprisingly pretty self conscious. In his mind, its better to be the monster everyone sees him as, rather than showing a different side of him and either being judged or belittled because of it. He feels that if he were to be gentle, loving and passionate with you, he would be seen as vulnerable and weak. So, even if he is feeling a little touch starved, and wants to be more kind and gentle with you (human side of him), that feeling inside him that doesn’t want to be weak or used (demon side of him) is much stronger.

X = X-ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Vergil is above average, nice in both thickness and length. He has a prominent vein on the underside and curves upwards slightly, and a round, pink tip. Honestly, he just has a very attractive looking penis. He doesn’t get cocky about it, doesn't like to walk around naked, so theres no showing off from him because he doesn’t care.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

He could last a week without sex if he wanted to, but he enjoys the act like most people do and finds himself being greedy sometimes. He will want to have you at least once every day or two. However, if you two are separated for a while, he doesn’t find it to be a problem and can handle going a week or even a few weeks without indulging in any sexual activities.

Z = ZZZ (…how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Since he’s got supernatural stamina and doesn’t go many rounds with you, he doesn’t tire himself or get worn out, even though at the pace he goes, it would be enough to make any ordinary man exhausted. However, while you are struggling to keep your eyes open, since you are human and his strength easily wears you out, he will be siting beside you, resting his back on the headboard of the bed, probably reading while you curl up to his side and fall asleep.

Hope you guys liked this, sorry if it wasn’t as romantic and soft as you hoped lol

#vergil dmc #vergil sparda #vergil #vergil x reader #vergil imagine #devil may cry vergil #vergil devil may cry #dmc imagine #dmc vergil #dmc imagines #devil may cry imagine #vergil sparda x reader

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arabellaflynn · 4 years

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Hello, all. It has been a rough pandemic.

As you may have figured, since I am in the performing arts, I have been completely out of work since this shitshow began. The earliest venues will open up here in MA is September, which is not helpful for me, because I need to be out of my current place by 8/31. No one will rent to me on my Patreon income, so I've been trying to figure out how to supplement that with other online work.

My first thought, frankly, was camming. I'm attractive and I know that, and I don't care about being naked in "public". I have a lot of opinions on the legitimacy and legalization of sex work, but making a statement would be a convenient bonus; I'd be in it for the tips. As the appliance menagerie on the Flintstones used to say, "Eh. It's a living."

The best camera I currently have is attached to the slightly-less ancient laptop. You know, the one with the broken hinge that won't hold the screen up on the right. Only the wifi on that computer has quit working. The onboard chip was always kind of flaky, but for some reason it has chosen now to deteriorate to the point where it no longer acknowledges a router on the other side of the goddamn wall. Shooting in the living room with an ethernet cable is not an option, because another housemate is already doing that.

I bought a dual-band USB wifi adapter with antenna. It's a Realtek chip -- not gold-plated, but also not total junk. I specifically checked to make sure it worked with Ubuntu Bionic before I ordered. I have now installed three separate sets of drivers in three completely different ways, read everything ever written about this on AskUbuntu, and still the computer refuses to acknowledge its existence. Not even if I blacklist the onboard chip to keep it from falling back into previous bad habits.

The other elderly laptop (with the working wifi) has a cam that tops out at 640 x 480, which I suppose might squeak by as a tiny facecam on Twitch, or for tutoring where no one cares about pixelization. The microphone, however, is crap. It's a tinny omni on the screen bezel that likes room noise more than my voice. I don't have an external microphone, and there's no onboard Bluetooth for my wireless headset. So I bought a USB Bluetooth adapter, which this computer is ignoring as hard as the other one is the wifi dongle. I have a wired headset with a mic, but because this computer is probably mere months too old to know what to do with an inline mic on the same jack as the output signal, it doesn't register at all.

The camera on my phone is potato quality, because that is honestly about how much the phone cost. Ditto the refurb Kindle. Neither is smart enough to keep up with streaming video, which I found out when I tried to do a video rehearsal for something months ago.

I have no place to do any kind of professional non-entertainment streaming work (e.g., tutoring) with my terrible equipment in any event. I don't own a desk. If a free desk appeared on my doorstep tomorrow, I would have nowhere to put it. My bedroom is small enough to contravene the Geneva Convention requirements for POW cells and I'm basically stuck in here, for reasons of both air conditioning and not having to interact with a house full of people who very much want me gone.

What I do have is a set of working emulators and some free video editing software, so I decided to take a stab at a subtitled Let's Play. I can certainly ramble on for 30 or so hours of Final Fantasy II. At the very least it'll give me something scheduled to do. So I pulled everything out and set it up, only to find that my controller was "pining for the fjords" -- no lights, no acknowledgement from RetroArch, no response to any button presses.

...

...okay, well, at least we're down to a level of equipment I can afford to replace. So I am waiting for the mail carrier to bring me another $10 gamepad, whilst stuck in bureaucratic hell. I'm down to emergency public assistance, which keeps asking me to send them random documents, inconveniently one at a time. Even when I can submit them online I'm required to wait a minimum of 2-3 business days before a human can look at them. I'm trying to not be mad -- they are clearly horribly overworked -- but it also leaves me with a lot of time to do nothing but busy-wait. They've finally decided I'm destitute enough for food stamps, so now I have to sit on my hands until the card arrives in the mail.

The chronic, crushing lack of resources is not helped by (or helping) the fact that I'm just not functioning very well. I was already on the edge of disintegration when the lockdown orders hit anyway; I was taking every piece of work I could find in an effort to scrape together enough for first/last/deposit on a new apartment, and honestly that's more than I can handle. I can consistently get to about 20 hours of "stuff that can't be done while in bed, wearing pajamas" per week, with occasional spikes up to about 30, before I start losing the ability to take care of myself. I skip showers, let my living space become a complete disaster area, and go to bed without dinner because the whole process of choosing something to eat, preparing it, eating it, and cleaning up after myself is so overwhelming that I just burst into tears and don't do it. I fed the rats twice a day and cleaned their cage once or twice a week, but couldn't manage to do the same for myself.

It's difficult to explain to people the state of being physically and mentally exhausted without also being sweaty and shaky from muscle fatigue. Perhaps the single most salient example I can give is lying in bed at night and realizing I kind of vaguely needed to pee. Not like urgently -- just enough that I knew if I didn't, I'd wake up the next day with an uncomfortably full bladder. Then just lying there anyway, not because I thought suffering was noble or I deserved it or anything idiotic like that, but just because taking care of it would involve standing up, walking into another room, and initiating a new task, and I did not have the capacity to do any of those things.

If you suggest I start making a to-do list, I will sit down right now and invent a brand new Blunt Object Transfer Protocol (botp://) expressly for the purpose of punching you, personally, in the face over the goddamn internet. I will even credit you in the patent application. I will not share the licensing profits, which judging from social media right now, would be approximately all of the money on the face of the Earth. I do not need "life hacks".

What I really need is a case worker, or possibly a babysitter, or just to have shown up at the ER about two months ago, because that is the only way I have ever found to get people to pay attention when I ask for help. Otherwise I get triaged out of sight and out of mind -- they ask if I'm suicidal, I tell them no, they tell me 'okay, here's a prescription for six Xanax and a packet of resources, go home and fix it yourself'. I'm just like, you sons of bitches, do you think I don't know how to Google things? If I could fix this on my own, I wouldn't be talking to you. Except I can't right now, because plague.

Everyone wants to fob me off on someone else. I was referred to an SSDI attorney by a friend, because frankly that's where I'm at right now. I wrote to them, specifically mentioning his name and the associate who helped him, and explained that I was basically a vegetable and I needed help applying for disability. I'm a college-educated suburban white girl, who grew up hearing her parents make rude jokes about welfare queens -- I have no idea how any of this works and I'm so broken I kept losing my place in a blanket whose pattern was literally "knit-purl-knit-purl to end of row; turn work over; repeat". Their response was "Sounds like you need some help applying for SSDI/SSI disability. Here's the website for the Boston Bar Association, good luck!" Crisis lines of both the psychiatric and financial varieties keep directing me to one of two national clearinghouse sites for social support services, both of which direct me to each other, because neither has any programs in my area.

I am trying really, really hard not to resent the ever-loving fuck out of anyone who has any sort of support system right now. One housemate has almost the exact same list of medical problems that I do, and is also completely out of work right now. She is married to the one who has a grown-up salaried WFH IT job, and will never have to worry about having a roof over her head or food in the cabinets. The single housemate has supportive family literally a five minute walk down the street; if she ever gets her feet kicked out from under her, she can stay with them temporarily while she scrambles back up. Another friend yote out to California right before lockdown to stay with his family. A local offered to help me with paperwork, then ghosted me intermittently before explaining that he was having a hard time himself right now and barely had the capacity for his own life. I have an elderly rat, no more savings, and no options.

I don't even know how I'm going to move the little I own. How do you even ask people to do that in the middle of a pandemic? If I don't have the money to move, I definitely don't have the money for a moving company, and I'm envisioning all of my community-minded friends pursing their lips in judgement and declining because like all the good people they are diligently social distancing.

I have also discovered, while hauling an empty suitcase out to Watertown and a full one back home again, that I do not cope well with face masks. It's fine if I'm not doing much, especially if I'm in a climate-controlled space like a store or the T, but as soon as I exert myself at all, I see spots. And no, it is not a matter of "just get used to it"; I have tested this by trying to wear a mask during my home workouts. It is just stuffy enough under there, and there is just enough reduction in air flow, that the world keeps going all film-grainy and dark on the sides, which I know from experience is the first step on a very short path to the Magical Land of Syncope. I had to stop during the outdoor trek and sit on the suitcase about twice a block through the commercial district, where it stayed on because there were people. This was when it was 72 whole degrees out (and the AC is generally on 74°F inside) which doesn't bode well for moving my heavy shit around in late August.

I'm normally good at catching things at the weird-vision stage, although enough random strangers and T employees have asked me if I'm okay that I have to assume I look as ill as I feel at that point. And I have an absolutely tragic talent for talking people out of calling emergency services when I do actually keel over, but everyone is so health-panicked that I don't think it would work right now. I know what's happened and why, but I can't exactly communicate that to bystanders when I'm unconscious. As nice as EMS is, I don't feel like waking up to a round of Twenty Questions ("How many fingers am I holding up? Who's the President? Do you have a seizure disorder?"). So I just don't go out.

Alison over at Ask A Manager got a question about this the other day that suggests this is considered legitimate can't-(always-)wear-a-mask territory, and I am able to wear a mask where required in MA, which is indoors/during interactions with other people when it's actually useful, so I don't have any qualms on the scientific or legal front. I have just never been a good judge of how much potential peril/damage it's "reasonable" to put up with, and I don't have the capacity to explain myself over and over again a million times a day.

I'm fucking tired. I'm tired of covid, I'm tired of living in a big glitzy continent-spanning banana republic, I'm tired of anxiety, I'm tired of other people carping at me to do things I can't in order to fix their anxiety for them, I'm tired of not having the space to dance, I'm tired of asking for help before things fall apart and being told 'well, come back when it is an emergency', and most of all I'm tired of this cycle where I tell myself "I'm going to stop being lazy! I'm going to put on my big-girl pants and wake up early and work 40 hours a week and support myself like an adult!" and then fail at it again because I just do not have the capacity to do that. I do not know how to make the system understand that I need some kind of support right now.

Sorry for yet another depressing update, but that's where I am right now.

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cybernightwanderer · 4 years

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“ My Reiki and Yoga New Free Soul Brother - Once an abuser manipulative thieve , money driven leach “

Well thats a big tittle to describe one person entirely. So my ( midle ) brother across my kid years and then teenager developing to adult, my brother was an interesting person. For example, in school my brother would pretend he didnt know me , and if i even dared to aproach him he would shame me in front of everyone, even thought they already knew i was his sister, i was bullied a lot in school so at the start i tried a few times reaching out to him , specially because i didnt have any friends and id always be alone. This motherfucker who was already a teenager completly dismissed me , BUT would actually seek me out or talk to me when he needed lunch money because he already “ spent his”, funny enough hed get mine to eat coz he didnt wanna use his, and if i didnt gave him even though i hadnt eaten , he would guilty me badly , and being the kid that i was , my brother was everything to me , even tho he didnt gave a shit about me.

So in consequence i started drawing a distance line between me and him, at home id start to distance myself and ignore him. And he started getting like a really attention whore, hed always annoye me , and force me to hangout, and i didnt he would threaten me or do some shit at the house and blame me for it , because my mother at the tinniest shit at home would beat the crap out of me , so me being the little kid that i was tired of getting beatings for no random reason , id play along. My brother would literally antagonzie me and scare the shit out of me while so. Everytime my family went anywhere , for example the beach, id try to go to the water alone for some peace this motherfucker would sneak behind me and try to drown me as a joke , like every 5 minutes, id yell in panic and my mom wouldnt do shit, eventually id end up actually chocking on water and hit my head on the sand and cry the rest of the time. So yeah FUN ! Did my mom do anything ? ofc no , “ hes just playing around “. I had BD collections that id buy with my lunch money that sometimes id save up, disney movie cassettes and so on. Sometimes id have snacks in my room to eat when studying or something. My brother, being a full grown ass teenager that he was , would steal everything without me even catching a glimpse of it. My brother would “ borrow “ things without asking then hide them because he wanted. I had two final fantasy collectible caracters that i spent my leftover bday money on, and my brother would take it as his own. Yes because whatever birthday money i got wether it be 50 euros or even 20 from my grandma or aunt, my mom would take it “ borrowed” for herself with no justification, shed always say “ Ah lend me i need it / or / I always buy you clothes and everythings, i buy you food , you owe me this , thats the minimum you could do / “ or / she would just take it without me knowing , she would inspect my bday gifts and take it before hand , the problem is that my grandma or aunt would always after if i was gonna save it up and id ask what and they would question what i did with the money and i would ask what money and blah blah , you get where this is going.

OH and if i didnt give my money the money she would beat me up ! wich is funny asf. My brother literally sold all my things behind my back, my original BDS, MY FUCKING POISON IVY STORYLINE BD, my disney cassetes , my collectibles, and my snacks he would steal and eat. If i had saved up money hidden, first he would try to borrow it and guilty me with the “ im such a good brother to you , you cant even lend me money ? i will pay you back, trust me “ ... ofc he never payed me back , but every two weeks he woul do this shit. And if i by any chance didnt gave him , hed just steal, or sell my things, wich regardless of me lending him , he would do it anyway. Fast forward to my early teenage years, i had to start working , i quit school because we entered that internet deth with my moms company, wich my brother also contributed to but let the blame to me ofc, i was already the punch bag of the family what is one more thing. My brothers were always my moms “ babies “ even tho one was already a full grown ass man and the other was already on his way. My brother did nothing at home , didnt take the dog outside, didnt take out the trash, didnt make food, didnt wash the dishes, didnt clean the house, basicly sit on his ass all day playing video games and eating, and selling my shit for money. My brother was unemployed for 3/4 years in between those i studied and worked at the same time , and did all the house chores, even if i had to walk the dog as 2/3 am after work i would have to, even tho my brother was in bed all day. My mom would literally yell at me and make my life a living hell and threaten to hit me if i didnt do it or even dared to complain. I would get home trying to study , trying to recorver at school ,and she would yell non stop until i didn every house chore, wich i would only manage to finish at midnight or later, and then id be too tired and unmotivated to do anything so id just sleep, and id always get late to class thanks to that. When my brothers started working, it was at my dads wearehouse, where i was forced to work too. Id work 8 to 10 hours , sometimes more, because we got payed by publicity stock packs, each pack was worth 1 euro, wich also 1 pack took 1 hour and 15/20 minutes to make. So if i wanted to make the day worth anything i had to rush , no eating breaks or pee breakes. My hands at the end of the day would literally be filled with newspaper and printed paper ink and dirk, and tons of cuts and sores , that would be leeched in paper ink, wich make it hurt even more at the end of the day, and was really hard to take it out. My brother would take breaks every 30 minutes to smoke , be on his phone or even go to bathroom or eat randomly, i wouldnt stop the 8 hours straight, and when i actually had to go to the bathroom or eat something because id get sick, my brother literally stole packs from me, or try to “ negociate my help for X “, the thing about my brother is that hed always try to negociate something , ofc it was always entangled for his own benefit and not both.

So it was like this my brother came up to me all excited and say “ oh if you do this to help me , ill split the profit that way we will make more and will be less exausting “ stupid like i was id always give in, specially because if i didnt hed steal anyway.... Hed always change his methods and works, and guilty me if i didnt do it, so id always have to do so. If i didnt hed just change the pack registration list either way, without me even seeing it, and fake my signature, i only found out we had to sign an official paper a few months later when my dad asked, before that my brother would always tell me to note them on my phone then send the numbers by the end of the week, and since he was the bosses son , every one backed up that story ofc. Eventually when i started to get older , i cut ties with my brothers and dad. And my ( midle ) brother was constantly trying to reach out and play nice and shit , also he was still working at the wearhouse . Anyway , fast forward when i got unemployed after the 5 star hotel due to rape attent and shit like that, i was unemplyoyed for 4 moths?! My brother tried to reach out , and even came home before my mother to try and persuade me to enter one of his schemes, i explained to my brother that i didnt have any money and that i wouldnt believe anymore of his stupid schemes and blah blah. He swore he was only trying to make up to me , and the plan was , i would pretend to work at my dads wearehouse, but i would just be there 2 times a week and he would give me a cut of the protfit, coz if he didnt want my dad to hire some random slow guy, so he set up to do a two persons work, and give me 30 % of the monthy rate and all i had to do is show up a few times for my dad to see i was there, and then go home. That motherfucker insisted for 3 days straight promissing it wasnt a scheme and that he was serious this time. OBVIOUSLY THAT DIDNT HAPPEN OBVIOUSLY- with the last 10 euros i had, i bought train tickers to the wearhouse, the first week he actually stick to his word, a few days later the shit started, he actualy forced me to deliver shit and stuff. Wich for me was really difficult because its when i started to develop hernias, and the pain was too overwhealming, and that fucker didnt care and still forced me to, eventually i told him i was out , and found out he still used my name in his shit plan and pretended i was still working there to my dad for two whole months , and then begged me to lie to my dad on the phone, hed literally call me before my dad trying to get me to lie, and promissing the money, and hed ask my mom to pressure my to help him. What could i do??!! what happend after you may ask? did my brother gave me the money? OFC NO ! NO! He gave me 115 euros of the cut , and he made 996 euros to himself. And told me it was only for the days “ i actually worked “ NEVER IN MY LIFE I VERBALLY EVER SAID TO ANYONE , FAMILY OR NOT “ I hope you die, you are shit , you are nothing to me , seriously i hope you die “ and acually meant it and wished it. For the first time in my life i actually wished so hard for my brother to just die. I was done, i was officialy done , i had never been so done with someone. I was officialy done with my family. I blocked my dad on everything, i told my dad to fuck off. I told my older brother to fuck off. I told my middle brother to go die. And the last person was my dying grandma who was a snob ass piece of shit who only gave a shit about me when i was a little girl ( because its only cute when they r kids ), to stop trying to call me and told her to just go and die. She literally sent me a voice message of 5 minutes crying beggin me to see her, and i just told her to go and die, its not because she is dying that is gonna erase the fact that she didnt gave a shit about me after i actually grown. And the fact that i did this apparently scared the shit out my dad and brothes, specially because i did it so naturally. AND TO THIS DAY I DONT REGRET WHAT I SAID AND I STILL DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT HER. OH AND PLOT TWIST SHES NOT DEAD NOR WAS SHE DYING, LAST YEAR SHE TRIED TO SCHEME MONEY OUT OF MY MOM, AND BEFORE THAT SHE WOULD ALWAYS TREAT MY MOM LIKE SHIT AN CALL HER NAMES, FUNNY ! Now they try to sneak into my life really AGAIN ... ffs Since the end of last year, apparently my brother turned into reiki and yoga and shit and is now driving a motivational fuck page for people who wanna “ grow spiritually and open the third eye “ and is trying to reconnect with me again, obviously i cut him off before he could even talk to me. So he spent 3 months or so , coming here and trying, and since he didnt get anything since january and february hes trying to manipulate me behind my mother, my mother is venting to my brother about me being closed off to them , and my brother is DIAGNOSING ME AS A PROBLEM, BECAUSE HE IS SO WISE AND ENLIGHTED... WTF??? diagnosing me??? ur not a fucking therapist you asshole ! The other day i heard him tell my mother in the living room , that “ SHE CANT LIVE LIKE THIS ITS VERY TOXIC FOR HER, SHE HAS TO TALK TO YOU AND BE A BETTER SISTER AND DAUGHTER SHE NEEDS TO BLAH BLAH YOU NEED TO KICK HER OUT IF SHE IS LIVING OFF YOU “ WHAT THE FUCK?? im living off my mother?? the woman that forced me to give her more than half of my paycheck, thats doesnt give me privacy or respect and that literally threatned me if i ever tried to leave that she would chase me down???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OR SEND ME TO A MENTAL HOSPITAL????!!!! ... My older brother is doing the same, keeps trying to get me to go visit his kid, and to meet his kid, keeps trying to get my mother to see pictures of the kid or to call them. They keep trying to guilty me “ oh you cant take it out on the kid, its not the kids fault , he needs to know his aunt, you are his family “ BITCH FAMILY?????? FAMILY??? family doesnt mean shit. Yesterday even sent photos of his kid trought a new number LOL. I actually did went to the kids birthday, first time a few months ago, and guess what , my brother still the NO ONE ASKED- OPINIONATED asshole he was about my whole life, he literally takes one glimpse of me and judges my whole life and starts yelling shit at me ...ofc thats not gonna happend again. People dont change. People. dont. change. PEOPLE DONT CHANGE ! BITCH ?? WHAT? WHO THE FCK?? HOW THE FUCK??? In conclusion my brother is still the same piece of shit he was , and now even more narcisistic, and manipulative, he cant get what he wants from me , so now hes resourting to my mother again. I NEED TO LEAVE THIS HOUSE, I NEED TO LEAVE THIS FAMILY OMFG. Funny enough he does this shit then tries to get me to go to his house to celebrate his birthday because he “ MISSES ME AND THE OLD DAYS” ???? OLD DAYS OF YOU MENTALY ABUSING ME ? NOT TO MENTION THAT YOU ALMOST BROKE MY ARM BECAUSE I WOULDNT LEND YOU MY COMPUTER 3 YEARS AGO????? my mom literally told him we were gonna go there without even asking me if i wanted or even if i was gonna go. LOL, shes trying to emotionally manipulate me with older pictures of me and him , and games we would play together LOL. OMFG PLEASE SOME ONE, I DONT EVEN KNOW I NEED TO DIE OMFG... I CANT TAKE THIS FAMILY ANYMORE.

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everyonesfavoritegoldenboy · 4 years

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Johnny's Fever Dream (Private) (P) Part 1

*warning, mildly explicit*

Thursday Night

I rolled over in my sleep...if you could call it that...a few times I thought I heard my bear clawing at the inside of my nightstand... desperate to get out... desperate to breathe... desperate to tell me its secrets. What more could he tell me that I didn't already know?

I sat up a couple of times...my head foggy with that feeling of stiffness from lying on one side for too long and I rubbed my eye with the heel of my hand. I finally took pity...or was it just curiosity that got the better of me or was it just wanting whatever it was to shut the hell up...and opened the drawer. The bear just sat there looking up at me...where I had left it...What were you expecting, Dumbass?

I groaned and looked at the blurry red numbers on my alarm clock. It was way past midnight but it had felt like I just put my head down..."I need to pee..." I said to no one...just a force of habit.

It felt like someone was in the room with me the whole time...I listened but only heard the usual bathroom noises. I shook off after shaking my head again and shuffled back to my room.

It was warm throughout the whole apartment...I wanted to open my window or kick on some air...it was making me drowsy and half coherent...kinda like when I'm getting a good buzz. Some light music was playing somewhere...could have been from Diaz' but then it would have to be blaring and I don't think his grandma would be into that. I realized it was coming from my room. I didn't think I hit the radio button when I left...it was dark in there but I know I saw something... someone sitting on the edge of my bed.

Immediately I tried to clear the stupor from my head and was prepared to kick whoever's ass that clearly made the wrong decision by being in my room right out of the window. I didn't care if I was in my boxer shorts and T-shirt and looked like an idiot doing it...they were about to eat pavement.

"Johnny..." Her soft voice filled the room and sucked the air right out of it. I stared in awe and amazement. The shadows had not come into any more focus and I still couldn't make anything out...but I recognized her voice from anywhere.

I cocked my head to the side in disbelief.

"Rattles... I..."

I didn't need to hear anymore...I rushed over to her and dropped down, burying my face in her lap, grabbing her around the waist and rubbing my face into her, trying to inhale her scent deep into my lungs. "You're here...how...?" I couldn't finish my sentence. I don't care how it made me look...I was going to hold her and never let her go again.

She shifted and I felt her hand go through my hair... fingering through to my scalp and tugging at my head until I looked up at her...her features coalescing between Daniel's and hers briefly confusing me in the darkness.

Her eyes flashed snake-like for a fraction of a second, before I had a chance to process anything, she was kissing me deep...her tongue darting into my mouth quickly, both hands deep in my hair. My eyes were wide as she took control of the situation, trying to get me to kiss her back. I wanted to...I was just so confused.

"Johnny... please...I've missed you..." Her voice plaintive and sad. She peppered my cheeks and forehead with urgent kisses and I was losing my resolve. I could feel her...it had to be real!

"Amanda..." I said pulling back a little...I had to see her eyes again...read her face...be certain that she was with me and that this just wasn't some dream of her I conjured up in my desperation. I had already swore I saw her earlier today...and it turned out to be someone else. I hadn't drank anything since the night at Robby's nor did I smoke anything...it could be left over stress...my mind trying to road block the decisions I made.

She had started working kisses down my neck... lingering on my throat...I was losing the battle quickly. I mean I've had plenty of sex dreams... plenty of them...but nothing this real... nothing this solid. Her attentions were making me weak... she snaked her hands up and down my back... slipping them inside my boxers and giving me a sly look as she found the evidence of her actions having a real affect. We hissed simultaneously...she tossed me back on the bed and I propped up on my elbows.

It was then that I took notice of what she was wearing...or more what she wasn’t. She was clad in nothing but a black lacy bustier and nine inch heels. Her hair long and cascading down her back as she watched me look at her and swallow hard. I’ve never gotten this far with her...and if this was a dream...I definitely had quite the imagination. Her lip curled as she straddled me and it was all I could do to keep my hands from going to her hips and holding her steady where I needed her the most.

“You like what you see...big boy?” She purred. She dropped down before I could answer and kissed me again, moaning into my mouth. ‘Fuck this...’ I thought, finally losing the resolve in shards of mirror and I took control of the kiss delving my hands in her hair and closing my eyes to her touch. There was laughter all around the room and it wasn’t a laugh of relief...a laugh of joy. It was a laugh of mocking ridicule. I tried to ignore it. I tried to focus on the woman in front of me and how relieved I was to have her back in my arms...I reached down and began to undo her lacy coverings...she abruptly stopped kissing me and pulled away, still straddling my hips. She wagged a finger. “Ah ah...We’re going to need some help...” She snapped her fingers once and from the shadows of the other room an identical Amanda walked in. Head to toe she looked like an exact copy. I swallowed and did a literal double-take. Looking between the two as they looked back at me with innocent glares, smiles wide, teeth glowing in the semi-darkness.

Now I know I’m dreaming...this...this isn’t real. I was about to pick whatever it was up off of me and deposit her on her pretty little ass outside my front door, but I didn’t know what synapses were firing when the second Amanda? Amanda numero dos? I dunno...got down on her knees and started crawling toward my spread legs hanging off the side of the bed and the Amanda on top of me watching my reactions as she did so. I felt cool breath hit my inner thigh and I involuntarily shivered. I had a feeling I knew what was coming next and I twitched hard with desire. Whatever was happening I was pretty keen on following it all the way through to completion at this point.

The Amanda on top of me, reached between us and pulled off my shirt. It mussed my hair on the way off and she giggled, the laughter reaching her eyes. She wasted no time running her hands up and down my chest and then biting me at the juncture of my neck and shoulder. She seemed to like it rough. I growled and let her sink her teeth in while the other Amanda busied herself at my boxers. She trailed her hands up and down my shorts and tried to tug them down and just gave up and began feeling me through them. I shuddered and gasped, throwing my head back against my pillow. I kept telling myself that it was alright. I wanted what was happening to me. I had been denied and stressed and frustrated for so long. I would have to think hard about what was happening later and not wonder if I needed to see one of Shannon’s shrinks at some point. There has to be something Freudian about all of this shit.

Thunderstruck started playing from somewhere in the room and I couldn’t help but snort a laugh at something I had told Ms. Robinson a long time ago. The Amanda on top of me had suddenly disappeared leaving the other Amanda below still tormenting in places where I needed a quick release the sooner the better. How long had it been? I can’t even remember the last time when I wasn’t using the ‘Five finger discount’ I looked around, past the erotic action below, which was mind-blowing, licking and teasing and touching and I saw Amanda standing in my doorway...fully clothed, arms folded, watching the scene as if she had just come upon it. A deep frown furrowing her brow and a look of betrayal and displeasure on her beautiful face. The face that I saw inside of my head every time I thought of her lately. The last face she gave me before walking out of my life. The face I saw at the dealership. The face I saw at my apartment the day she finally had enough of me. The day she said goodbye. Suddenly, nothing mattered except making that face, that pain, that hurt, that anguish disappear. And realizing that no matter what I do or could do or have done, I just couldn’t. I just didn’t know how!

#ckrp #johnny #dreams #he may need some cognitive therapy

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