#i only use that bullshit because it’s free decent and i don’t edit enough to warrant paying for software

[tthoroughfare]

had to stop editing to use my rose toy 25 times :(

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ upd8 2020-01-17

Alright, morningblogging yesterday’s 2020-01-17 upd8 to Homestuck^2 let’s go!  Spoiler-free again.  I kinda don’t want even the next chapter names image-spoiled above the cut anymore so I’m going to have to figure out WHAT to put above the cut in these liveblog posts for visual reinforcement... a unique silly icon?  Going back once I’m done with the upd8 and posting something non-spoilery but weird-looking out of context?

Eh, can’t be assed.  Just know that after this I’m going to pony up for the Patreon commentary and skim it for anything plot-useful to y’all (in a separate post).  Let’s get started.

Okay, what’s next:  Any bonuses?  Oh, none!  Phew.  Unless those are coming faster too and just staggered differently, which would mean I gotta overcome my irrational pre-Homestuck-reading anxiety even MORE often.  :T

No Homestuck you don’t GET to ask how my-- ah, right.  :P

(FYI, HS^2 has been good to my emotions so far, quite a balm for the epilogues, so once I START reading I’m usually fine; but after being hurt so badly how could I possibly convince my lizard brain to trust it until it’s right in front of me?  Seriously, just hearing that the upd8 has landed messes me up a bit until I come fix it by reading w/ y’all here.)

Okay, so whose feelings?  As much as I’ve been waiting for Jade, I hope this isn’t about Jade.

> ==>

Ah fuck, we’re finally with the Pursuit Crew.  Bracing myself.  That means we get to see probably sleeping Jade ( :C ), full-swing DaveKat (approving nod), the first canon onscreen look at masculine-mode Roxy (<3), a probably pretty pissed off Kanaya (possibly either the feelings target, the one Saying How Are Your Feelings, or both), and uh... did they drag Callie along?  Or leave her back there with her meta freakout?  Probably left her back there, but... hm.

Let me turn up the brightness on this screen to sear these next pages into my retinas.  (Also, it feels odd to still be using a four-person “==>” for these, although if Jade is still asleep the numbers might fit on both ends... :c )

> ==>

I don’t think Dad is in the spacefaring business, so this is probably one of Jake’s shittier spaceship designs.

> ==>

...well that’s a touch disturbing.  Is that a Jade-occupied bed or are those just pillows?

Oh what the fresh fanfic’y heck is this command.

> i enter.

Okay that’s great.  I got a kick out of that.

JADE [in calliope red]: the prince’s power grows.

--but that’s not.  That explains the narrative command text, it’s alt!callie talking through a still conked-out Jade.  Please let her wake up between speak-throughs, please tell me you’ve learned that trick??  I already know you’re gonna pull an “oh she was asleep pretty much all of those THREE YEARS OF TRAVEL” thing on me and that’s hard fucking enough to deal with.

KARKAT: JESUS CHRIST!

He’s actually using the full curse correctly, huh?

...These commands.  Guess part of the puzzle is how much alt!Callie is being typically morbid and how much she might actually be wising up enough to get a kick out of this.

> the knight of blood falls.

DAVE: dude can you chill for like even a single fucking second DAVE: also are you ok

Has CallieJade chilled for even a single second this entire trip??  Is he asking just if Karkat’s okay or Jade too???

--yeah I’m overblowing things out of nervousness.  Just wait and see a bit, boots.

Alt!Callie has at least learned to be more of a smartass:

> karkat is characteristically appreciative of the alarm call.

Shirt trade Karkat, nice.  And uh, Jade’s dress sure is a... dress.  Hm.

(Did alt!Callie alchemize adjustments to did she just luck out to have a red-symbol’d Bec belt and accent leggings?  I’d prefer the former, because as much as it would be acceptable within Homestuck proper, using the transition between the epilogues and this new-author’d work to just HAPPEN to give her a fitting outfit without an excuse via providence is kind of lazy.)

KARKAT: OH, PARDON THE FUCK OUT OF ME FOR OVERREACTING A LITTLE WHEN MY GOOD FRIEND "POSSESSED JADE" BUSTS INTO MY RESPITEBLOCK AT 5 AM! KARKAT: NEXT TIME I’LL JUST PULL THE COVERS BACK AND LET HER CLIMB IN! JADE: i am uninterested in that scenario. KARKAT: GREAT! POSSESSED JADE ISN’T EVEN HORNY! HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT?

...please let that mean he’s not used to her being possessed all the time and she wakes up sometimes.  PLEASE.

DAVE: but im pretty sure i locked that door JADE: i unlocked it with my mind. DAVE: fuck KARKAT: FANTASTIC. JADE: the prince’s powers are growing, but so are mine.

Dave, I’m pretty sure regular-ass no-Green-Sun Space powers can flip a few lock tumblers too.  (--though, I guess from context this was a Jakeship technolock.  Confirmation on the ship’s bad taste in design.  --I think I’m foggily remembering it said in the Epilogues that they took one of Jake’s ships just like Dirk did, too... man, being depressed so much by the Epilogues sure took a lot out of my ability to recall them decently.)

KARKAT: LIKE YOU DON’T FLOAT AROUND LIKE A CREEPY PIECE OF SHIT ALL DAY AS IT IS?

God DAMN IT she’s been asleep and possessed the whole fucking time.

> sleep is abandoned, coffee sought.

More obligatory DaveKat being cute, somehow only emphasized by the embarrassing glowing-with-power observer who doesn’t really get any of it.

Ah, here we go:

> the rogue is also awake.

Oh huh.  Cool!

Hero outfit, understated...  her his choice of heart-shades color-coded to stand out from Dave more to avoid further mistaken identity cases.  Works well!  (Holy shit I only JUST remembered at the end to go back and correctly gender Roxy as him, that was close. I blame the epilogues for a lack of visual reinforcement; I shouldn’t have as much trouble soon enough.  Seriously, I don’t remember ANYTHING without visual reinforcement, I think that’s why I remember so much of Homestuck proper so clearly.)

KARKAT: OH SHIT, THERE SHE IS! I DIDN’T EVEN HEAR HER FOLLOW US! ROXY: sometimes a girls just got to get her drift on i guess ROXY: it be like that

ilu roxy.

I missed Roxy so much, you guys.  I need more of him remarking on all this crazy shit if I’m gonna stay sane though all this.  (And I need more of him and AWAKE JADE kicking ass independently or together if I’m going to continue to believe there’s justice in the world.)

> ==>

We rarely saw Rose drinking anything but the rare coffee in canon, but I think Kanaya would have gotten her plenty into tea, yes.  Or at the very least, wanting the aesthetic of drinking tea with Kanaya would have gotten Rose into tea even if it never crossed Kanaya’s mind to try the stuff.

ROXY: well i mean who knows what she drinks now ROXY: dirk probs tossed the coffee machine out the space window right away ROXY: dude doesnt "believe" in "substances" > the prince is contemplated for a moment in silence.

FUCK, Dirk can see the narrative all the way out here???  No wonder alt!Callie’s forced to have possession turned on 24/7.  That’s fucking disappointing.  How the hell are we going to get any proper Jade time with THAT hanging over our heads?  She’d only be able to do anything when Dirk’s knocked out, and maybe not even THEN!

I was virtually promised more of actual non-asleep Jade getting shit done in HS^2.  Now there’s an even longer wait on it than I expected.  This sucks.

(EDIT: BOY did I misread that link line. Thinking “is contemplated” meant is sitting contemplating, when it meant "is being contemplated by everyone here". That was dumb of me.)

*clicks that next link*

Oh my goodness, Roxy joined the Bird Hair Crew.  It makes him look like a fucking asshole but I kind of love it.

KARKAT: IS THERE MILK?

I can’t believe Karkat is okay with drinking milk.  --yes, culturally Trolls are more comfortable with animal excretions than we are, but you would’ve thought years of railing against Equius would have purged any tolerance the idea of milk from his psyche.

I guess Dave introduced him to cereal, and it was all over from there.

DAVE: this is more like a castle DAVE: a castle of idk DAVE: twenty something ennui

Sounds like a relatable mood.  Especially considering Dirk probably decided to conquer reality out of almost nothing but twenty-something ennui.

Alright.  You aren’t going to turn Kanaya into an alcoholic or anything on us are you?

> the knight of time seeks a sylph...

--this is the shittiest shipboard starship aesthetic.

> ...and finds her, momentarily.

WOW that looks fucking depressed.  :(

> ==>

...okay you know what?  Never mind.  That outfit has wrapped straight back around into Trying Too Hard and is now hilarious.

DAVE: you ever feel like our whole lives are eventually gonna end up like this DAVE: just blasting through space on a sweeps long journey to ""somewhere"" chasing after or running from some vague enemy thats sometimes a god modded pet dog and sometimes your dad DAVE: without the faintest fucking idea of whats going to happen when we get there DAVE: thats a little specific but you know what i mean

Why do you think the epilogues upset us so much?  We thought we’d won free of that bullshit.

> ==>

Oh jesus christ that’s the most depressingly sad I’ve ever seen Kanaya drawn.  :C

--Karkat got you to watch Serendipity?  That’s amazing, Dave.

KANAYA: You Arent Reminding Me Of Her As I Rarely Think Of Anything Else KANAYA: I Close My Eyes And I See Her KANAYA: I Keep Them Open And I See Her

Fuck.

Y’know how little showing these two in love and actually HAPPY together we’ve seen in this entire comic and its subworks?  Despite them having spent at least a few happy years together we only saw in tiny screenclips?  And how Candy alluded super hard that they most likely couldn’t get that in this real timeline where shit’s going down?

Seriously, FUCK.  You could at least pretend to give us some hope, here.

Oh no, don’t ask for the nursery story, Dave.  Unless it turns out to be a funny one or a Rose twist on an old story or something.  Which it probably is, I should stop worrying.

> ==>

KANAYA: Oh Its A Wriggler Story About A Young Prince And The Beloved Flower He Loved And Lost DAVE: flower DAVE: like a plant KANAYA: Its A Fairytale Dave DAVE: right KANAYA: A Singular Wild Rose He Failed To Cherish When He Had Her KANAYA: And His Journey Of Discovering What She Meant To Him All Along KANAYA: Culminating In A New Quest To Find Her And Win Her Back

Dirk you PIECE OF SHIT did you rewrite the narrative of the fucking STORIES SHE TOLD CHILDREN?!??  Does the fact that alt!Callie is only in the present mean he can rewrite ANY past event we didn’t literally SEE???  FUCK you.  Seriously fuck all of this.

Please tell me she was kidding just then, or realizes there’s fucking something wrong with what she’s saying and getting angry or.

(EDIT: shoutyourporpoise replied: "Hey, idk If you picked up on this, but the 'nursery story' Rose told to the wigglers is just The Little Prince, which is maybe a BIT early for them to read, but I don't think that's a case of Dirk changing the narrative; its just Rose being Too Adult as usual." Oh, damn, I didn't even CATCH that it was that story. That makes all of this a lot more forgivable, even if pretty unforgivably leaning into the fiction that Dirk used to brainwash and kidnap her. Maybe that's exactly why it worked -- fiction, a story so blazed into the public consciousness? Hm. Thanks, shoutyourporpoise.)

KANAYA: But In A Way I Feel As If It Is the Greater Universe Trying To Tell Me Something

Mother fuck I’m even going to have to see our protagonists warped by Dirk when they’re ostensibly FULLY SHIELDED aren’t I.  There’s only so much of that I would be able to take, you know.

KANAYA: It May Simply Stem From My Longing To See Her Again And How Much Is Indicative Of Something More Sinister KANAYA: She Is A Goddess Of Light And The Only Of Her Kind We Know Is Alive After All KANAYA: Maybe Shes Wrested Dominion Of The Entire Concept In All Its Appearances Within This Frame Of Reference

Hm.  Well, it being a product of Rose’s ascension instead of Dirk’s is possibly a more charitable take, with Ultimate Rose projecting the delusion enforced on her backward, visible to past Rose’s Sight when she isn’t paying attention and thus paving the way for Dirk to paradoxically exploit that “ideal” as something Lighty and Important and “Perfect”.  I still don’t fucking like it though.

> ==>

DAVE: sorry i know you say you got your badass monster powers but kanaya you look tired as hell DAVE: not that im tryna psyche you or whatever but youre waxing poetic in the dark which i guess is maybe on brand but still

Yyyep.

DAVE: unless terezi is lurking in the vents somewhere and now that i bring that up its actually not out of the question so im kind of gonna be thinking about that one for a while

Pffff.

DAVE: youre the only person i know whos still basically the same as when i met you

--Which is kind of going to have to change, right?  She’s got some other cosmic purpose ready to change her a little more than she changed pre-human-troll-meetup, you’d think.

> ==>

Cute as hell.

> ==>

KANAYA: How Are Your Feelings

There’s the title drop.  I’d think Dave’s doing pretty well, considering?  Still fucked over by Dirk betraying and tricking Rose away who he’s been close with all his life, but.

> ==>

DAVE: except sometimes your best friend disappears and your other best friend goes into a ghost coma and your third best friend fucks off to space with your dad DAVE: the dude youve spent the last 7 years convincing yourself isnt an egomaniacal anime villain DAVE: and who isnt actually lying in wait to completely decimate your life and your emotions and shit

Ah... yeah.  A little worse than my casual list, huh?  Forgot that Jade vanishing into a possession-coma for THREE FUCKING YEARS is going to be hard on people inside the comic too, fuck.

DAVE: maybe it was naive to think that a bunch of twenty something trauma victims could run a society

I was honestly surprised they TRIED to run society at all.  Jasp even just highlighted a big reason why not in the bonuses.

DAVE: cool how earth c existed for centuries then we show up and manage to ruin society in seven fucking years

:(

Well, the trolls got THEIR lesson on why they didn’t deserve to rule over their new universe like gods; I guess some of y’all needed that lesson too?

DAVE: every serious conversation i have inevitably falls apart into riffing on a casual acquaintances ass

True.

Dammit, Dave didn’t feel like he could just be Some Guy even on Earth C.  :(

> ==>

...don’t think I’ve forgotten that nursery story, though.  I don’t want to think that it was something that ACTUALLY past happened, especially not without manipulation.  Like maybe past Rose was foreseeing the false purpose that Dirk wrote for her or the like, a cooperative misunderstanding between the two instead of Dirk or Rose literally reaching back in time.

> meanwhile...

KARKAT: WAIT, WHY THE FUCK AM I EVEN ASKING? HE’S OBVIOUSLY NOT FINE. KARKAT: ARE ANY OF US? ARE YOU? ROXY: not rly KARKAT: EXACTLY.

:(

--Oh right.  I remember that Callie and Roxy were going reasonably steady in Meat even though it was only alluded to, she didn’t freak out and stay awol or what have you.  That’s good to remember.  But it means Roxy deliberately left her behind to go on this dangerous quest, for years.  :C

KARKAT: KANAYA BARELY EVEN TALKS, CALLIOPE WON’T LEAVE THEIR CABIN, JADE JUST FLOATS AROUND LIKE A CREEPY BALLOON THAT’S MOSTLY MADE OF HAIR.

Oh, SHIT.  I should have read one line further.  They DID bring her.  Alt!Callie being here too must really FUCK with her.  ...maybe she can actually learn to accept that alternate way her life might’ve played out, though?

KARKAT: THE REALLY FUCKED UP THING IS I MIGHT BE THE MOST OKAY OUT OF ALL OF US, WHICH IS HOW YOU KNOW SHIT HAS REALLY GONE GLOBES UP.

Quite true.

ROXY: ur kinda an intense dude anybody ever tell u that KARKAT: NO.

Pff.

> ==>

KARKAT: AGAINST PRETTY MUCH ALL ODDS, AND DESPITE ME NOT DESERVING ANY OF IT, I ENDED UP GETTING PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING I WANTED. KARKAT: OVER AND OVER AGAIN. KARKAT: SOMETIMES IT ALMOST FEELS LIKE WHATEVER SLATHERING MONSTROSITY OF A COSMIC HELLBEAST THAT PUT ALL THIS SHIT INTO MOTION...ACTUALLY LIKES ME?

Well, if you want to blame Lord English for instance... we never saw Caliborn and Karkat interact much, but the parallels between the two were drawn so severely that Caliborn was basically the idealized, multiverse-threatening Ultimate Kismesis that he’d always dreamed of.  And operated against him without him even ever quite realizing it.

If a level of “respect” went from Caliborn to Karkat, too, from his Lord-Englishy vision nigh-omnipresent, then this outcome isn’t very surprising at all.

> ==>

(I don’t quite feel I get why Roxy shifted to this exasperated-Dave expression, but I get logically that he’d been waiting for Karkat to make a breakfast choice... Homestuck proper rarely pulled a “last line said corresponds to next-panel’s expression” without either leaving the conversation blank or having the NEXT lines of the conversation reinforce it, to prevent this inelegant misunderstanding.  Andrew was really damned talented in getting his point across visually, in that regard.  Just like, that careful visual intent delivery.)

Alright, I guess that’s it for this short upd8!  Meeting the pursuit crew was both more and less difficult than I expected.  Hopefully I get desensitized a bit as the characters continue to feel semi-almost-sorta-fine.

I have NO idea how this group is gonna work as a proper crew when we get to whatever weird other-players’ session this shit is going down in, though.

[chaotic-undying-loki]

I really hate aggressive, hateful, bullying, and petty fans in fandoms. Tldr, can't edit, on phone but feeling my annoyance hard

SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THE RISE OF SKYWALKER

Also, kinda long, feel free to scroll past, I'm just dealing with the stress of negative fans toxifying fandoms, on either side. Also if you don't like negative critiques of Kylo, feel free to scroll.

(on phone, can't cut it off, sorry for length, or typos)

Often there's two sides, half the time those two sides are ship-focused, though not always, it can be character focused or narrative focused. And I try to be, and mostly am, reasonable, patient, and respectful of people's opinions.

Sometimes my opinions might sound as if they're judgmental if a character, but I do my best to deliver my opinion honestly but without it seeming aggressive. Sometimes I might even with-hold an opinion to not offend or start a fight (I hate TR now, but have friends who love it, that I rp with, so I keep most opinions to myself and try to stay respectful when, if ever, I share my opinion).

I don't like people, on either side, ie that share my opinion or stand with the opposite (over a ship, character, it any content), who will attack in any way, shape or form; calling people idiots, generalizing in misogynistic/sexist/racist/or any other close minded fashion that is often in accurate and or offensive, and just belittling someone who just happens to have a different opinion (sometimes in a respectful fashion, sometimes aggressive).

I've been through so many fandoms with such arguments over character morality, character treatment, how a character translates into an example of toxic real life people or not, if so and so should be together or single or with that other character. I've had my aggressive days, fewer than others, but I'll admit to my doing. But it's not worth attacking and I'm constantly working towards bring better, expressing my opinions and views freely without arguing and attacking.

But I also I'm beginning to learn to stick to that fandom advice/fact of "you can like things, and not support all the bad; you can be interested in a character and not have to feel guilty or feel you have to defend every part of them. Fandom isn't black and white, and it shouldn't always be a responsibility" (not to say you shouldn't be aware of how things can be offensive or harmful, but not Quit Culture just because you feel guilty).

All this leads me to stating that I'm sitting here, trying to figure my opinions of a character without ignoring all the realities of their good nor their bad, and worrying I'd offend friends by having a positive opinion or negative opinion, and in trying to scan tags I'm Tumblr, certain fandom members are making me feel fucking disgusted.

So, I'm gonna say, I have a complicated opinion of Kylo Ren/Ben Solo from the recent Star Wars trilogy. I'll list it like this, a 1st watch and Reflection phase of each movie.

TFA; 1st Watch,--love the actor, so only minimally biased. But I liked the conflicting factor of who he was, where he came from, where he could go. Reflection-- after a while, the appeal half wore off, and given the hidden/limited backstory to his fall, half the fandom assumed he was influenced and wronged with no choice, or that he was deeply loved and cared for kid that turned his back on so much light for the legacy of a grandfather that he should have known wasn't all that Darkness he was trying to become and so he becomes a killer and leaves his family behind, for bullshit.

TLJ; 1st Watch--clearly struggling and growing in his desires and conflicts, may or may not have done fucked up shit to his fellow students and just continues to be a raging lil whatever, and then we have the Rey connection which, albeit out of his control, seems to come off stalky and invasive and forced. Just, very angry, little change other than expressing he's conflicted and masking it with further rage and aggression. Reflection--basically felt the same afterwards. But from here on out, I hear fro others or notice myself that he seemed to fit the tormented but actually spoiled an whiny, angry nice guy archetype, bordering on tyrant student if not actually so. My opinion was lowered, I didn't try to analyze like I do Loki, for fear I'd get sympathetic for a character who's too morally fucked for it to be okay.

TRoS; 1st Watch--confliction grows, he seems like an angry, lost robot, alone, just trying to regain control in whatever fashion he can, trying to stay on top, find answers. Will admit, what I had wandered and hadn't had evidence to before, that his evil master (thought to be Snoke but really Palpatine) was manipulating him through Anakin/Vader, then Smoke, changes my views w decent amount (as does some novelisation reveals, I think, that state the original trio kept the truth of who Vader was from Ben for years and such a lie, when growing up believing one a valiant Jedi and the other a powerful and mostly evil sith saved at the end of his life was surely confusing (but this is one of those conflicting facts of, Was this always the truth and plan or was it added in for sympathy? Not gonna argue)). Then we have one scene, a battle between 'Good' and 'Evil', he's trying to kill Rey for Palpatine or for himself, can't really say. He is stabbed, deadly wound, saved, and it's like a painful rebirth, he speaks to his father, and sheds Kylo, going to join Rey as Ben and out a stop to it once and for all. For all my conflicted feelings before and still standing by such, seeing that last scene had me hyped and crying, I thought it was all amazing, and he made many good actions to balance against his good. But still not enough, and I'm tired of the Villain Dies to Earn Redemption arc, good or badbor misunderstood, these characters should be able to live, pay for their crimes, and grow from it. But also, deeply against reylo for personal and none personal reasons, I found the kiss sweet and heartbreaking, it was a soft moment that made me feel (I prefer her with Finn, if not the impossible Finn and Poe, but I understand why reylo is shipped). Reflection--basically the same, except I've learned that there was implied neglect, assumption of evil, lying about his family, and an Evil Dark Lord whispering in his ear as probably both Snoke AND fake Vader, and he's still fucked up for all the death, pain, and torment he caused that most of it could have not be necassary. But maybe I'm fucked up for now suddenly wanting to analyze and understand him and for thinking he deserved to live his redemption, not die and earn it.

But whatever. I've decided I'm gonna RP, and analyze. And I keep sifting through Tumblr for feels post or just pics of Ben, not Kylo. And there's a lot of Reylo, I either admire it and move on.

But then there's posts trying to demean other characters in twisted, if not cruel ways. Example 2; Finn kept taking Rey's hand on Jakkuu without her consent, but Kylo always asked, such a gentleman!! = ...Finn grabbed her hand while they were running, it was a protective instinct, not in any way trying to violate her. For one, Kylos reach was a 'please take my hand and assist in making the universe cry while we spread evil' so it's not a healthy comparison, not to mention, Kylo actually violated her, using the force on her body, making her unconcious, kidnapping her, and attempting to torture her and invade her mind. I'm sorry, there's no arguing who has violated her. Example 2; referring to Finn, in just a simple small statement if who deserved her, as FN2187 = Nice, so you just stated you're an aggressive, hateful shipper AND a racist willing to use a black characters literal slave title.

Like, I'm just trying to look for pics or meta that relate to what I'm feeling, but the characters I love more than Ben, and sometimes the actors (Rey, Finn/John, Poe/Oscaar) get attacked or demeaned, or called bullies for doing less than what said fans actually say and do on a daily.

I'm just here for Kylo/Ben, but got people being toxic fucking bullies while defending him or vying for his worthiness and happiness, which makes me disgusted for even considering interest in him.

And it shouldn't. And it won't. But I'll just say this, you people make fandoms like a fucking fire pit. Just here for warmth, maybe to admire the fire, but you don't handle it properly and he burn others in the process, while making others turn around and fear the fire.

So please. Just...chill. Be respectful. Or feel free being the aggressive assholes that making the thing you love into something toxic and unlovable.

[greenbergsays]

Whoa, I did not realize I had stepped into a hornet’s nest. I was honestly trying to offer a solution to being triggered. I only even know about Tumblr because students refer to it so I have a page with zero posts and I follow zero people because I rarely have something to say. One student referenced one of your works (don’t worry, I made sure she properly cited you in MLA) in an essay about characterization that used fan fic (this is a common theme in my pop culture class). So I’ve read some

2/2 of your stories and stories in other fandoms, too. And I rarely come to Tumblr but do look up authors I’ve read. However, this is an example of trying to write to an audience where one doesn’t know the rules… as I don’t, I should not have written or attempted to be involved.

Now you got me curious about which work it was and if your student said good things. If they think my characterization is shit, I might cry. (That’s a joke, by the way. I swear.)

Anyways, you’re fine. I didn’t mean to come across as rude or, like, FIGHT ME but if you took a peek at the links I provided, you’ll see that Ked & I have been dealing with Some Shit for a while XD It’s sometimes hard to tell which are genuine inquiries and which are people being trolls, but I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt.

I’m happy to answer any questions you might have on the subject and my stance on it, because this is very important to me.

I don’t know how long you’ve been around these parts, but I’ll give you some backstory to explain, shall I?

I’ve been in fandom since I was about eleven. I think, as a professional, you can imagine the kind of garbage I cranked out. But I was eleven.

Now, imagine yourself as an eleven year old, writing fic about your favorite movie / tv show / book series, just happily putting your favorite characters into different situations. Writing is something you’re passionate about, something that you love to do, and other people share their stories on these various platforms, so why shouldn’t you join the fray?

Now imagine, as that eleven year old, getting the kind of criticism that I am fighting against. Imagine someone leaving a comment that does nothing but detail all the things you Did Wrong in the story. Not even typos or grammatical errors–though that would be bad enough–but the characterization, the flimsy plot, etc. 

Imagine getting comments that say, “wow this sucks lol” and yeah that’s not original, but it hits you right in the gut.

Imagine getting a comment/message–as I did, at eleven–that says, “I thought you should know that this story is on x site and the commentary is not pretty.” The commentary, mind you, from Actual Fucking Adults Who Should Know Better, laughing it UP about how terrible my story is in a very public space.

Do you think, after reading that commentary, that you would write another story? Do you think you’d continue to learn and grow?

The only reason I didn’t give up is because I believe, with my entire heart and soul, that writing is the one thing I was born to do. It is the one thing I think I’m good at, even if other people might disagree. 

…and also because I’m an actual facts stubborn ass bitch. But that’s beside the point.

Not everyone is me. Not everyone Feels That Calling, not everyone is stubborn and hard-headed like I am. What I experienced shouldn’t be the norm.

Young writers should be able to grow and learn and flourish without being crushed by assholes on the internet who think their anonymity is a safety net freeing them from consequences.

I’m not fighting this fight for me. I’m almost 29 years old and at this point, I’ve got two middle fingers up at all times for anyone who wants to act like an asshole to me.

But fandom isn’t full of adults. Fandom is for people of all ages and kids should be able to learn and grow without people who think they know better pulling their holier-than-thou bullshit.

An eleven year old shouldn’t be held to the same standard as a professional adult getting paid to write, who–remember–has their story go through SEVERAL rounds of editing before it becomes an actual facts published book.

Not only that, but someone who has English as a second language shouldn’t be ridiculed because they are writing a whole ass story in a language that isn’t their native tongue.

And since you can’t tell the age or origin of a person by their username or writing level, the whole point is to act like a decent human being. 

In everyday life, we have sayings like “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say it at all” and “treat people how you want to be treated.”

In fandom, the same sentiment is held in our “Don’t Like? Don’t Read” rule. Nobody’s asking you to like every story you read. Trust me when I tell you I have a VERY high standard of reading material. But if I don’t like something, I hit the back button and find something that I do like. I don’t need to let the author of the first story know that they didn’t pass muster or why.

That’s really all I’m asking people to do. Don’t be an asshole. That’s literally the entire argument.

I should also say, as someone who HAS been in fandom this long: we have our own social etiquettes. We have rules, both spoken and unspoken, just like any other society. Some people just choose to ignore those etiquettes/rules and they gotta be reminded. :P

EDIT: Also, y’know, I just thought about it. This doesn’t even begin to cover the people who start to picking up writing as a hobby later in life. People should be able to learn and grow at any age without someone being an asshole about how supposedly inadequate they are at the thing they are doing as a hobby.

[pink-rathian-official]

At the beginning of 2019, I mentioned I would keep track of every game I finished, and sum up my thoughts on all of them at the end of the year. And now I’m half regretting it because I’m gonna have to write out a short summary for each of these games. Oh well. You’ll be able to find all of them under the Read More, if you’re interested. Will be including an arbitrary score next to each game based on how much I enjoyed them.

Just some fun numbers before we jump in to the meat of the post- In 2019, I beat a total of 41 games. That’s an average of 3.41 games per month, which actually isn’t too bad of a rate!

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate (5/5) 100% complete! Beaten twice! Without doubt, the best Smash game yet. You didn’t need me to tell you this- if you’ve got a Switch, then you’ve probably got Smash.

Bayonetta (4/5) A classic character action game, and an immense source of nostalgia for me. Play this game or I’ll break your knees.

Bayonetta 2 (4/5) I actually went into this game with low expectations, I didn’t expect to enjoy it as much as the first game. Fortunately I was stupid and wrong and ended up loving it just as much as Bayo1.

Splatoon 2 (3/5) The story wasn’t particularly the most enjoyable thing ever, although I did sink a pretty decent amount of time into the multiplayer. Still not my go-to game if I’m looking for a quick match.

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (4/5) It was enjoyable, although kinda started dragging on towards the end. The side content started feeling very repetitive, especially the shrines- but it was still a genuinely great time.

DOOM (2016) (3/5) I raged a wee bit, gonna admit. Although it was fun, I had a lot of frustrations with the late game.

Cthon (3/5) Doom, but a Lovecraftian roguelike. I’d recommend picking it up on Steam, it’s only USD$4.99 regularly, and USD$1.69 during the Steam sale currently going on.

Fire Emblem: Awakening (4/5) I suck at strategy games because I’m a smoothbrain, but FE:A is totally one of the best 3DS games ever released. Lucina is my daughter and the story made me cry.

Hyrule Warriors: Definitive Edition (2/5) I already played the 3DS version, and went into the DE expecting it to be a bit more enjoyable- and while it was, I did find myself getting bored rather quickly.

The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind (5/5) The best TES game ever released according to many fans. While I do still prefer Skyrim more, I can see exactly why so many love it. Planning on returning to do the DLCs soon.

Night in the Woods (4/5) I hate story-centric games, but I liked NITW a lot. The exploration was nice, seeing the town change day-to-day was nice, and the ending was freaky in a good way

Warhammer: Vermintide 2 (4/5) An incredibly fun game, very similar to Left 4 Dead but fantasy themed and with rat monsters. Launched my obsession with the Skaven.

Fallout 3 (2/5) Yeah just play New Vegas instead mate.

Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag (3/5) If you separate it from the rest of the relatively mediocre AC series, Black Flag is pretty gud. I like being a pirate. I don’t like tailing missions. I really don’t like ship tailing missions.

Ib (3/5) I played this game a few times through during my obsession with RPGMaker horror games. Still holds up pretty strong, although it’s a wee bit short.

Amorous (3/5) 100% complete! Yeah it’s just a lewd furry dating sim. Does have a decent character maker that I use as a reference for my fursona now though!

Way of the Samurai 3 (4/5) I don’t know why this game slipped under everyone’s radar back on release. Just overall a very Nice samurai simulator, albeit with some combat that takes some getting used to.

Monster Hunter Generations Ultimate (5/5) The best MonHun released yet. World is great, but for some reason it just doesn’t hold me like GU does. Maybe I’m just a boomer.

Super Mario Odyssey (3/5) It’s definitely what you’d expect out of Mario. Not a bad game by any means, but I just didn’t really keep attached to it like most others seemed to.

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney (4/5) I like being a lawyer, and I love the serotonin rush that I get when cornering a criminal on their logic.

Resident Evil 7 biohazard (4/5) The first RE game I’ve played to completion. I don’t regret it at all, because it was super good. Got some great DLC as well.

SoulCalibur VI (Libra of Soul + Soul Chronicle) (4/5) Loved the character creation, loved gitting gud- did not love some of the side missions in LoS because holy Hell a lot of them are bullshit.

Borderlands 2 (4/5) I hated the first Borderlands, and went into 2 expecting more of the same. Ended up leaving surprisingly satisfied. Great loot n’ shoot all around.

Deus Ex: Game of the Year Edition (4/5) It took me a few tries to really get into this one, but once I did I was totally hooked. The ending battle could’ve used a little more love, but it was still by all means a great game.

Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodlines (4/5) Despite being a clearly rushed game with a drop in quality towards the last few hours, VtmB is still one of the most solid action RPGs I’ve ever played. Still not exactly gonna excuse the last couple of boss battles though.

Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc (5/5) This went from “tumblr meme game that I had no interest in” to “one of the best fucking games I have ever played, and it hurt me deeply.” I don’t think I’ve ever been so invested in a story before, and the trial system was very refreshing.

Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair (5/5) How did they make a story with twists even more mindblowing than the first game? While THH invested me into the series, GD solidified my newfound love for it.

Which (3/5) 100% complete! A very short experimental horror game by indie animator and developer Mike Inel. Not bad at all, and completely worth the free download.

Skullgirls: 2nd Encore (3/5) I never really got good at this game, although the story mode was still very enjoyable. Not particularly something I’m probably gonna be coming back to.

Hollow Knight (5/5) Absolutely spectacular Metroidvania that gives quite a unique challenge. Fell in love with this game so bad that I was constantly thinking about it at work. Please stop comparing it to Dark Souls, it’s such an amazing game on its own merit without needing that comparison.

Undertale (5/5) It’s Undertale, do you really need me to tell you how amazing it is?

Devil May Cry 3 (Dante story) (4/5) Extremely fun and challenging. If you haven’t played this game yet then you are wrong. Beating the first Vergil battle without being hit filled me with very unneeded confidence- the spectacular final battle against Vergil stripped that confidence away.

Ion Fury (3/5) Very challenging, but still super enjoyable. The heroine is a genuine badass, loved hearing her quips. The final boss was garbo though.

Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice (5/5) Sekiro absolutely deserved the GOTY award. Loved the combat, loved the challenge, loved everything about this beautiful game.

Dragon Quest XI S: Echoes of an Elusive Age Definitive Edition (5/5) DQXI singlehandedly changed my opinion on JRPGs. A story that’s equal parts awesome and tearjerking, combat that feels truly satisfying, and a quirky world that had me hooked for all 98+ hours.

Danganronpa Another Story: Ultra Despair Girls (4/5) While it absolutely was a good game, something about it didn’t really hold the charm that the other Danganronpa games had. The story was still superb, and the twist at the end was hooh.

Spyro the Dragon (3/5) 120% complete! The nostalgia factor drew me in, the level design kept me. Except for Tree Tops, fuck you Tree Tops.

WarioWare Gold (3/5) Packed with the best microgames from WarioWare’s history, but not enough content to keep me there past the main story mode.

Metal Gear Solid: Snake Eater 3D (3/5) MGS3 is one of my favorite games ever, but the 3DS port’s framerate issues really killed the fun for me.

Halo: Reach (4/5) The story mode was good, but the multiplayer was absolutely sublime. I raged, I cheered, I had the fun I missed out on growing up without an Xbox.

[eggsnbaconyouaremistaken]

So It’s prob pretty clear that I ship Gav900. They cute. I’m always preferential to the assholes/grumps and being sweet to the ones they love.

But there is one “trope” that I think gets thrown around a lot, and I’m interested in some civil discourse about it. Gavin Reed is not a Red Ice addict. He’s just an asshole.

1. Assholes exist without drug use. I think that a lot of times we (as fans) dismiss people as being drug users to have a “reason” for them having a bad personality or being generally disagreeable

2. If he is/was a user, it’s very unlikely that it has been for a long time. Most law enforcement will not even recruit/hire a person that has a history of drug use. (My husband is in the process of tying to join the police, and the requirement specifically said “no more than five times since turning 21″, and he would have to take a polygraph test). So, if he has used with any level of frequency, he would have to be an exceptional liar, or have started after he completed the academy and was an officer.

Gavin has likely been with the DPD for several years, probably 5+. We can tell this because of his age and his rank as Detective. While Detective is more of a lateral move from Duty Officer, an Officer would have to be exceptionally gifted to move to Detective without having several years in service (Based on the NYPD and wikipedia). I’m gonna guess he’s been there between 5 and 10 years.

Hank Anderson has been with the DPD for a good long time.He’s experienced with red ice users, and he’s known Gavin (likely) for Gavin’s entire career. We know a few things about Red Ice: It causes extreme rage and violence, it’s very addictive, and it seems to cause visible physical effects (possibly weight gain/hormone changes, lesions on face/ bad skin). Given Anderson’s experience with the drug, and his skill as a detective, He’d be the first one to notice of Reed was on it. If Gavin wasn’t using Red Ice when he started at the DPD, Anderson (or someone else) would have noticed his behavior change.

“Starting to stink of booze in here.” This line tells us that Reed and Anderson hold outright dislike for each other, enough to comment on each other’s worst traits. If Gavin was a user, and Hank knew, this statement from Gavin sets a precedent that means that Hank would undoubtedly have said something if he knew.

Here’s the catch: Hank outranks Gavin, and pretty substantially at that. Hank would have used his position to either set Gavin right, or he would have told Fowler. Yes, we’ve seen Hank let crimes pass under his nose “if they aren’t hurting anyone”, but arguably a law officer on narcotics is bound to hurt someone. Hank isn’t about to let a fellow officer endanger citizens or the reputation of the DPD. His job is one of the only things that keeps him going, and he doesn’t like Gavin; He’s not letting him fuck it up. If Gavin was on Red Ice, he’d be suspended from the DPD until he figures his shit out, and they might not even let him come back.

Gavin doesn’t have any of the appearance effects that we’ve been shown for red ice, save for the circles under his eyes. I’ve lived in a small town. A small town populated by baby boomers that are raising their children who are unfortunately doomed to near-poverty. In a poor economy in a town that charges $1000+ for one bedroom apartments and only offers minimum wage jobs unless you can afford a car and have time to drive to the city. My school was nicknamed Heroin High. I worked at Walmart. I know what those bags look like on drug-users. They are sunken and purple and honestly unsettling. I’ve played through DBH 3.5 times, and I can tell you that Gavin doesn’t look like that. He looks exhausted. That’s probably why he wants coffee all the damn time. As a person who works excessively, I fully know that coffee truly makes me a halfway decent person. I’m an ass without it, because a lack of energy means no patience for bullshit.

3. So he’s a bit aggressive toward Connor. He points a gun at Connor’s head, threatens to shoot him (maybe he does, pending on your QTE), and spouts off generally rude one-liners. I know that some fans think he may have been high for significant portions of the in-game events, but I still further disagree. Either he hates androids (possibly because Kamski is his half brother, if you subscribe to that), or he just hates Connor. He made the comment about roughing up Ortiz’s android to rile Connor and make his dislike clear.

Gavin is ambitious. He wants to be good at his job and move up in rank, and here walks in a machine that is supposed to not only be able to do his job, but be way better at it. Not only is Connor making him look bad because of his personality faults, but Connor gets assigned to work with someone far superior to Gavin within the DPD, therefore raising Connor’s perceived rank by poxy. Essentially, Connor walked in one day and was put above Gavin who’d already been with the DPD for ~5 years. Gavin hates Connor for the same reason I hate Jerry.

Edit: Additional Note: The fan wiki says that Red Ice Causes hormonal changes. If you subscribe to Trans!Gavin (which I am not against but personally don’t hc), would he really do anything to disrupt the hormone changes he’s already gone/going through?

In conclusion: Gavin is an asshole, he is exhausted, and Connor shows up and shows that he’s basically little more than mediocre at his profession. He’s angry, and at least partially justifiably so. If he was on Red Ice he wouldn’t be working at the DPD, especially on cases involving Red Ice.

I’ll step off my soap box now. :) Please feel free to share your thoughts/headcanons/opinions in a civil manner.

[st33d]

I’m not bored of RPGs

I would prefer to take my own screenshots but Steam has given me a big update queue and getting shots off of the Switch is a different kind of chore. Instead I will be using appropriate pictures of cats I found on shutterstock.com.

Pillars of Eternity 2

Almost all isometric computer roleplaying games are broken into islands. There is a campaign map operating like a vast sea, and within that sea one visits small places with a clearly marked border. Instanced dungeons where a poor laptop can muster a fireworks display for your heroes.

How refreshing that Pillars 2 leans into that. Islands within islands. Thematically a voyage across the sea, replete with sea shanties. I applaud the structure of this game. It is a delight to discover remote islands that hold illustrated text adventures in addition to the meat and potatoes combat.

And the combat really is meat and potatoes. You get to choose two professions, allowing really dumb combinations like my paladin who had to choose between summoning bats or tanking the front line. The benefit of all this is that you can find ways to entertain yourself if you get bored of all the murdering. I avoided the ship to ship combat as it is a weird mini game that I don’t like. You can largely do without it, and if you make enough allies during the main quest you can get to the final battle free of cannon balls or uninspiring melee.

The main story suffers from trying to have a connection to the first game. I really would have preferred to tackle this adventure without that baggage. When I go off the beaten track the game is a lot of fun. Fortunately the open sea has little in the way of tracks. It is a game weighed down by hubris and experiment but still manages to tread water in a sea of similar titles.

Tangledeep

This is a mostly classic roguelike. I say mostly because it has some very linear boss fights you’re forced to repeat, and it offsets the lack of a hunger clock by just dumping more monsters into a level. By “dump” I mean they’re just new things there without any logic or tactical threat.

However, Tangledeep has a lot of nonsense you can get up to: You can summon plant monsters. Multiclass into a soul drinking summoner. Plant trees. Keep pets. Visit bonus dungeons. Make food (mostly curry). There’s other stuff too, I just kinda lost track.

I got invested enough to come up with a specific build. One that would summon lots of monsters and teleport around the map with a combination of skills I’d pick up from two of the fighting professions. Eventually I died and I couldn’t imagine playing a different style of character. The new classes I was unlocking weren’t offering new pets or movement skills so I haven’t played since.

I enjoyed my time with Tangledeep a lot. Mining the powers from all the classes was a fun project to play out during the delve. Had I survived I’m sure I would have engaged with all the other features the game has. I want to say you should play the game without permadeath, because the structure doesn’t reward it. I think one should play their first game with permadeath on to get to grips with using skills, then turn it on to start a new game. Picking classes in the right order and taking only the skills you need. The game kind of expects you to do this by offering a tougher dungeon on future play-throughs. Some solid fun to be had here when you figure out what settings you should turn on and off. The developer has been kind enough to offer a lot of them.

Devil May Cry 5

Okay, it’s not an RPG but it’s really good. A pure expression of joy in videogame form. It dares me into thinking it’s gone too stupid, but then yes, yes I really do need to cut down this boss with two motorcycles, it’s the best tactical option.

I’m too old and slow for these sort of games and yet DMC5 encouraged me instead of frustrating me. From fans of the series I’ve heard it does its forebears credit. One can only hope that its creators have more games like this to share in the future.

Final Fantasy X

I’ve stopped at the Blitzball tutorial, I do not want to play this mini game. I don’t like any of the characters in this game either. It took The Witcher 3 about eight hours to win me over, which is kind of acceptable in a huge RPG. But I’m not even meeting NPCs that I like.

I’ll have to come back to this one.

Final Fantasy XII

Constraints do interesting things to games. In FF12 we have what wants to be an open world MMO type of game and it thinks it’s running on a Playstation 2. So the whole world is broken into islands.

Sounds like an isometric CRPG to me. It even leans into that constraint, creating strange geometries to navigate with a pace to encounters that you don’t really see in modern sandbox games. In an open world there must be empty spaces. To create immersion and to allow monsters to chase you for a reasonable distance before giving up. You need boring bits. FF12 removes those boring bits, creating a world that feels like a traditional dungeon on a massive scale.

Then it puts those boring bits right back in. All the way in.

FF12 is a real-time game. You assign commands and your heroes act them out. You can also set your heroes on auto pilot. The game lets you buy more specific commands from shops, allowing you to create an undying death machine out of your party. This starts out really fun. You unlock abilities on your character’s skill-tree-board-thing and continue to tinker with the death ball. But even though you’ve unlocked an ability, you have to first find it in the dungeon world. And some of the ways you find them are bullshit. Be prepared to walk in and out of an area to dice roll a boss fight into appearing (not a bug - that’s what you have to do). Be prepared to navigate a dungeon that has a 42 minute explanation on youtube (and it’s been edited). Be prepared to find Dispelga on route to a boss and only find Dispel after you looked it up on a wiki (it’s in the corner of a really easy dungeon that I already cleared). Unlocking abilities this way sets expectations. I know I’m missing something and I’ve paid to unlock it - I’m committed. As I got further into the game’s list of status effects and party buffs my frustration grew.

The story has a cast of amiable characters struggling against occupation by the Empire. It’s alright. I remember all their names but couldn’t honestly tell you how I got to where I am or what started it. In a game which is largely about exploration it works pretty well as a backdrop.

It’s a very unique game. A hybrid of MMO and isometric RPG made from the JRPG mindset. The modern ports of the game feature fast-forward buttons that apologise for the self-indulgences taken in its original form. It is a decent thirty hours of fun and a further ten hours of not much fun. I certainly recommend it to roleplaying game enthusiasts, but with caveats for completionists.

World of Final Fantasy

I experienced Pokemon Red on my then-desktop-PC whilst listening to the album Gran Turismo by The Cardigans. I couldn’t stand the high pitched beeps of the menu so I preferred to listen to the latest CD I had. The song Explode is burned into my mind next to stamping on a monster’s head and stuffing it into a ball. It’s not something you need to know, but I thought I’d tell you about it.

The conceit of why you are stuffing classic monsters from Final Fantasy games into balls prisms does not need explaining. Nor does one need to know why the two main characters help form two stacks of three creatures. Who cares why these stacks combine the powers of those within to create a hybrid JRPG avatar.

World of Final Fantasy cares. Oh boy does it care. There’s not a single button on my gamepad this isn’t getting away without two minutes of banter between the characters to explain it. Cutscene after cutscene rolls by. They often come in pairs so I pause and skip ahead just in case. Even after you complete a cutscene the characters lock out the controls and have a jolly good chat about what they’ve just seen. In its defence it lets you skip being waterboarded with the story and run the game at what feels like 1.5x speed. But there’s still a lot of busy work when it comes to skipping cutscenes. There’s loads of them.

I really like the combat. That is, I really like it when I have a monster that does the right colour damage for capturing a new monster. It’s a refreshing take on Pokemon that is utterly wasted on the Final Fantasy franchise, but I guess it needed the brand for this weird game to even exist. If you like the combat you found in Pokemon and want something with more nuance and challenge then you should pick it up and skip those cutscenes. If you need some story to wash it down with and don’t like a shockingly linear campaign map, then perhaps put it off for a while.

7DBL (7 Day Broughlike) Challenge

I’ve often been accused of making a Broughlike. To make a game that reminds you of Michael Brough’s work: A small grid with a turn based avatar that can cast spells. I’ve often refuted this because I tend to avoid having spells in my games. There’s just never a nice way to do the UI. Us iPad owners are fine, phone owners less so, desktop users get lots of keys to press, and hooray for gamepads if they aren’t awful for any type of menu.

Those more patient than I have stepped up to the challenge. Echoing the 7 Day Roguelike Challenge (7DRL, of which I am a yearly participant) developers across the globe attempted to make a small grid with a turn based avatar that cast spells. In 7 days. They also scheduled this challenge right before the gaming event called E3. Much like the 7DRL always gets scheduled before the gaming event called GDC. We can’t have a game jam making niche games and let reporters have time to talk about it. That wouldn’t be the done thing.

The results are above average. I say this coming from the 7DRL which is generally average, equal parts good and bad. The games produced in this jam are mostly good. There’s a few which clearly aren’t finished, and yet they show a great deal of promise. Even Brough himself submitted a game, one which is quite accessible and fun. Highlights for me included controlling a rather awkward squid that had to shoot in order to turn and a one dimensional roguelike that adds depth by throwing your weapons.

I hope they do it again next year.

My RPGs

I released my roguelite runner Bump 2 for the small audience that appreciates it. It’s one of those games that really appeals to a handful of people, and not to others in the slightest. In homage to my own select tastes and to unjinx my collection of unfinished projects, I resolved to make Bump 2 into its best form before walking away from it. And so I did.

I’m currently working on Kobold Dungeon Tester. This is my 4th (5th if you count Roomba Quest) interactive text project. I twice tried to write a novel in my youth and this project feel like a penance for my failures. Normally I would move on, satisfied the base idea works, like a puzzle, or a high score. A few kind words have convinced me that this one is different - it’s a story, it needs an ending. I shall try to finish it as best as I can.

[prorevenge]

You mess with my cat, I'll bury you.

Sit back, this ended up kinda long.

TL;DR: Shitty coworkers let my cat live in filth for a week while I'm out of town, I get one demoted and crush the others life into dust.

I like to think I'm a patient man. I'm hard to anger, my coworkers say they haven't seen me angry in the 2 years they've known me. I have firm boundaries and as long as you don't cross any of them I can let anything go.

One of my boundaries is don't fuck with my cat.

This story is about 2 of my coworkers and me, and happened the winter of 2013.

So I worked at a veterinary hospital as a vet tech/kennel attendant, and coworker 1 is a kennel attendant(KA) coworker 2 is the kennel lead(KL). KA is the one who comes in to take care of the animals, KL is in charge of overseeing everything boarding and kennel related. They both crossed that very simple boundary.

I went away over Christmas since I lived in another state from my family, and while I was out I left my cat to board at work(one of the perks is free boarding). I trusted my coworkers would take care of him even if it was a top 2 busiest weekend of the year.

So, I set up his cage the night before I leave. He's a shy boy so i set up a tent with very distinct blankets(one is bright green, the other has rocket ships). I kiss him bye, and am on my way. I enjoy Christmas with family, candy and fudge, and other things unrelated to the story, and come back 6 days after leaving.

It's late when i get back, so the hospital is already closed and everyone has gone home. We all have a key so I swing by because I miss my cat and want to take him home.

What I am greeted by when I get to him is those same blankets, the white rocket ships now slightly tan/yellow damp with urine, old desiccated pieces of shit and smears on the wall, and a very stressed cat that smelled like pee. We're talking 6 days worth of filth. All they did was put in more food and change the litter box as far as I could tell.

I saw red.

KA, the attendant, was scheduled to take care of the animals that holiday. KL, the lead, had been there 3 different days I was gone, including the last 2. Figuring out how to destroy these people became the only thing i thought about.

I'm scheduled to work the day after I get back, and KA is there. I don't look at her all day, as it's the only way I could contol my emotions. My blood is still boiling thinking about my boy who I'd had to bathe the night before(much to his chagrin). The sight of her makes that primal part of my brain reserved for beating the shit out of things starts to burn and makes my muscles tense.

(Now some important backstory here is that KA is kind of terrible at her job. We were kind of friends since she was the only one who wasn't shitty to me when I first started. Whenever I'd find something she messed up, I'd gripe to myself but I'd fix it. She did some write-upable shit on a regular basis. I never did anything because KL was already aware and working on her so I figured 'eh, none my bidness.')

I decided against violence and figured I'd let my manager handle it. At first, I just told him about the condition of my cat and kept the rest to myself. He agreed it was unacceptable and said he'd talk to her. She denied everything, said she'd changed my cats bedding every night, that he didn't get all of it in the litter box(unfortunately true, 12lb cat[not fat] aiming at a box made literally for kittens). Basically said I lied to my manager, to my managers face without batting an eye. I gave her the chance to own up to it because that would've come with punishment enough.

My manager told me what she said, and her blatant bullshittery poked the dragon that was already awake and pissed. I told him she's fucking lying, I work in the kennel too and not to mention I know my cats shit well. He believes me, and I not so subtly point out that if she pulls this shit on an employee pet, what has she been doing with the lot of random boarders? Manager thought it was a good point, and asks me to keep an eye out for mistakes and let him know what I find.

The next day, I was in the kennel alone without her, and I began to document every single thing she did incorrectly. Remember me saying how crap she was at her job? She left me a treasure trove of shit to dig up.

To name a few of these nuggets, every single animals cage was filthy, like multi-day filthy like my cats was, two dogs had had their medications switched for the whole week, there were copious amounts of shit left in the yard(big no-no, spreads parasites and disease), and not even her documentation and charges were entered correctly. It was a trainwreck that took me the whole morning to get back to an acceptable condition.

There was material here to get her enough writeups to lose her job if she had been perfect before, and she had already been disciplined a couple times for other shit she pulled. I gather it all together and bring it to my manager, who is horrified and says he's setting up a meeting with me, KA and KL, and him to discuss it all. He encourages me to hold my temper and call them on their bullshit at the meeting. Until then I hadn't even considered KL's complicity in this bullshit, but I immediately realized there were 2 people on my wrong side. KL was not as horrid at his job as KA, he was old as hell in a demanding physical labor position. I figured what he'd got coming will be enough so I could aim everything I'd got at KA.

What's the human equivalent of shooting fish in a barrel? Because this girl had already dug herself such a hole it was incredible she hadn't been fired already. She didn't do her job, she was stealing clients from the clinic by offering to petsit for cheaper instead of offering boarding(explicitly against our contract, fireable). She had been leaving 30 minutes early leaving the shit condition I'd had to deal with. And I knew all of this.

The day of the meeting rolls around, and KA and KL are blissfully unaware when manager calls us into the office together. We all sit down and manager begins to explain what the meeting is about. He was a fucking boss and we prearranged to give KA one more chance to own up to my face and leave out the rest at first. He had asked me how far I wanted to take it, I told him I had a lot of dirt. Let's let KA dig a deeper hole first so I can use it all.

She denied it all, swore up and down she had taken care of my poor cat properly. I graciously gave her the benefit of the doubt, saying ok I believe you did clean like you say, but then how did you miss this dried up piece of shit? She said my cat must've been dehydrated. I say "oh, well you documented he'd been drinking well all week, why would he be dehydrated?" She says it might have been just from the last day. She wouldn't just admit it... So I give my manager the look, and he tells her "ok so you took care of the cat, what about all of this?" And he pulls out my stack of evidence I'd collected.

KA's face paled. KL had been silent up to this point and starts trying to apologize on KA's behalf, saying it was a busy week and things slip through the cracks. I called their shit, saying I had been able to handle as many animals as she had had to a higher degree of cleanliness than the 2 of them could accomplish, so busy was not a valid excuse.

We went over every single sin KA and KL had committed for the past 3 days, individually and in depth with discussion about each one before moving on. As we worked through the stack, manager wrote up KA for every single offence that warranted it. By the end of it she had 6 writeups(3 to get fired). She was sobbing, saying she couldn't afford her kids daycare if she didn't have that job. My manager very pointedly told her he had never seen someone with such terrible job performance in 30yrs, and if she were worried about her kids she would have done her job better.

KL was written up and removed from his lead position, and KA was given the option to quit before she was fired.

The end.

... hah! No it isn't. This is ProRevenge, not GirlOnlyLostHerJob. Oh no, there's so much more.

Remember how she had been stealing clients from the clinic? She had built up quite a large client base, and had told me some weeks before she was about to quit her job and petsit fulltime since she hates her job sooo much. Plus when she returned her key after quitting, she made sure I knew the crying was fake and she was planning to put in 2 weeks in the next couple days.

At the clinic, we still saw all of those same clients she had skimmed all the time, and plenty of them asked what happened to KA. Manager told everyone we should tell the truth, since we had a petsitter we referred to and KA was not it.

For the next few months, we saw so many faces twisted into expressions of disgust, contempt, betrayal, worry when we told them why KA was no longer there and why they should reconsider letting her watch their pets. Literally dozens of people. Anyone who has tried to petsit or do yardwork for a living before knows how hard it is to build that client base. KA had a decent one, which we absolutely destroyed.

After a while, she texted me saying I was a piece of shit who was destroying her and her kids life and she couldn't afford daycare anymore. She went from 2 or 3 petsitting gigs a week(about 300 dollars a week) to maybe 1 a month. I told her to fuck herself and blocked her number, and haven't heard anything since. Bitch.

Don't fuck with my cat.

Updates:

Edit for those saying I'm a shit human for letting this go as long as it did: KA and KL cleaned sometimes, just not enough for my standards. KA had only been there a few months and it was her first big girl job (yes, kidS at 20yrs old), and there's a small learning curve. I figured it'd be ok for a week and was poor as shit at the time so options were thin. Until that week, i was there constantly cleaning to my standards so didn't know how bad these 2 would really let it get. Protocol said lead is informed of performance issues before manager, and as i mention he was aware and KA had already been written up a couple times. I was done when i realized just how far they'd let it go so i went over KLs head right to manager because they clearly weren't handling the issues at all. Even if my cat wasn't affected, I would've done the same, he was just unfortunately there because i had to go out of town. In hindsight i wish I'd said something sooner, but workplaces have rules and i was young and tender, and didn't know it was that bad until then. But yes I'm a terrible person who abuses animals, gets people SWATted, I'm pompous and arrogant and only care when things personally affect me and my cat. You're right, reddit!

Edit 2: I'll take this opportunity to give some advice on how to pick a good kennel facility. Always, i mean ALWAYS, ask to take a tour before leaving your animal. Dont schedule an appointment, ask to go back randomly. If they try to say no, say you dont feel comfortable leaving your pet without an idea of where they're staying. If they still wont, and even a manager denies a tour, take your business elsewhere as they probably have something to hide.

If you do get a tour, here are some things to look out for. Check water bowls for grime and dirt. Some pets are messy, but if a good number are dirty, it's a big red flag.

If the kennel smells strongly of some kind of air freshener, be wary and look around for messes. A good kennel attendant will smell pee and clean and replace things until they get rid of the smell; a bad one will spray some animal odor eliminator and cover it up.

Make sure everything looks organized, properly labeled, and has some kind of system to it. Cluttered storage and unclear labeling is where so many mistakes come from; make sure they take those little things seriously, or something big may slip through the cracks.

Finding a good clinic and good boarding facility can be difficult, but they do exist. And just like you wouldn't want you or your child going to a shitty doctor or daycare, I don't want anyone taking their pets to a shitty veterinary clinic!

(source) (story by Amesa)

[marypsue]

fanfic: First 5 prime numbers!

why would you force me, a writer and known dumbass, to try to remember math stuff

2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one? 

I was going to be extremely witty and paste in screenshots of the list of fandoms on my AO3, but tumblr is having a breakdown and won’t let me, so I’ll just go with the short answer: lots. 

There are different things I like about all of the different canons - and fandoms - that I’ve written for. I love cheesy jokes no matter where I go, but I also like the rich mine of angst and garish darkness that the Lost Boys have to offer. I love the fairy-tale structure and the heady romance of Labyrinth, I like how I can basically just write original fiction when it comes to the X-Men and it’s probably canon to something somewhere, and I appreciate the challenge of trying to nail the tone of RAM while still keeping the depth of character and the core of sincerity and emotion that I’m gonna end up bringing to anything I write about. (And also, projecting. Did I mention projecting?)

ROTG in particular stands out for the sheer creative freedom the fandom encouraged - we made up an AU where several different versions of the main villain (English movie, Finnish dub, book, concept art) lived together and attended the same university (along with multiple versions of the other characters) and it was sheer unadulterated crack. We wrote mythos. We wrote an expanded steampunk Treasure Planet universe full of high tragedy and classic-children’s-lit drama. We wrote poetry. We wrote ambitious crossovers and extraordinarily complex backstories for characters who ended up being Not That Deep. We wrote ridiculous comedy nonsense. We wrote so much fluff. My partner @gretchensinister created an entirely original fantasy alternate world and wrote a high fantasy novel inspired by the characters, which she’s planning to turn into an original series (speaking of, I will always shamelessly plug A Draught Of Light. If you liked A:TLA, you owe it to yourself to read it, and you don’t need to know anything about ROTG to enjoy it. In fact, you might enjoy it more not knowing anything about ROTG, though a few inside jokes might go over your head).

With that said, though, I think I have enjoyed writing for Gravity Falls the most. Partly it’s because of the skills I developed working in the other fandoms, so that now I feel confident enough in my work that I can stop worrying so much about making it good and just have fun with it. Partly it’s because the tone, the mood and the theme, of the series align with my interests and my values so well. It’s the kind of story that I would like to write, it’s the kind of story that I wish I’d written, and I love all of the characters so much but also can relate to so many of them, that getting to expand on it and play in its universe is just a treat and a joy. I may have found my forever fandom.

(The rest of this is going behind a cut for length because it turns out all of my answers are like this.)

3) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

I…don’t get reader inserts. Especially the ones that include the little (y/n). (Partly because it jolts me right out of a story, partly because for the first while after the trend started, I was reading them as ‘yes/no’ and was extremely confused.) I understand that the intent is to create a story where the reader can easily imagine themselves as the protagonist, but…you have to give that protagonist some traits, and have them make choices, and in order to do that you have to give them some sort of a personality, and then 1) not every person who reads it will be able to go ‘oh yeah, that’s me’ and 2) you’ve got an original character anyway! 

I saw a post recently where someone had drawn a picture with the caption “this is what (y/n), the reader of my story x, looks like” and listed a set of personality traits/likes and dislikes, like, at that point…just give them a name! They’re an OC! 

With that said, though, like self-inserts, reader inserts are fun (for people who like that sort of thing) and harmless, and I really hope nobody’s being a dick about them. Fandom should be fun, and even if I don’t get that thing you’re doing for fun, that doesn’t mean you’re Doing It Wrong.

Also, I fucking love making up OCs, and if allowed, I would do nothing but that all day.

5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?

Oh, this is cruel. I should not have done this. 

So, there are a lot of them. Apparently some people don’t spend all their free time coming up with bullshit ideas that spiral wildly out of their control into full, developed narratives that require tens of thousands of words to fully express? I bet those people have cleaner bedrooms than I do. Also probably more money.

Again, I’ve gotten better at this with lots of time and practice, so a lot of my earlier stuff is less well-executed than I’d want it to be. There are still ideas that I like, and stuff I’m proud of finishing, but I wouldn’t say they’re favourites, because the execution is less skillful and less polished than some newer things. With that said, though, I still have a big ol’ soft spot for Northern Lights, which was my indoctrination into the genre of ‘wildly self-indulgent crossovers and rampant canon revisionism’. Same with It Was A Dark And Stormy Night, the first multi-chaptered thing I ever finished. You can see the seeds of some classic Mary tropes in it, including ‘what if we just took all the female characters who were mentioned once and develop them into fully-realised people with important roles in this story’, as well as some tropes that have since fallen by the wayside (I do not do nearly as much with fairy tales as I did when I was a teenager).

Dreamland deserves a shot at the title, as do Reincarnation Blues and Raising Stakes. But purely for scale, ambition, and how closely the execution matches the ideal version that exists only in my head, my absolute favourite multi-chaptered fic has to be Hive. I’ve been trying to write decent horror for eleven long years and Hive makes me feel like I’ve finally nailed it. 

7) When is your preferred time to write?

Preferred time to write is from midnight to 2am. 

Best time to write is literally any other time than that, probably. 

(I’ve read all the science and the thinkpieces. I am aware that the only reason 2am seems like such a good time for creative work is because you’re tired enough that your internal self-regulation is low and your inner critic is silenced, and also because it’s often the only time when we sit down and let ourselves focus on the work with no distractions - because there aren’t any. I’m working on introducing this environment into the rest of my day so that I am not in a permanent state of sleep deprivation. Funnily enough, writing in a dimly-lit room and working on a dimmed computer screen really seems to help.) 

11) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

Not that I can remember.

To be fair, I have received very few criticisms after posting that were about writing issues rather than matters of personal taste (and most of those have been along the lines of ‘so uh, I know you knew mentally what was going on in this scene, but the critical piece of information never actually made it to the page’). But…I also…take long enough to work on things and have so many damn things on the go that once something is posted, it’s posted, and I have to make a promise to myself to never touch it again, otherwise I would spend all my time nitpicking and never finish anything. If somebody’s noticed a legitimate issue or possible improvement, it is incredibly likely that I will go ‘oh dang why didn’t I notice that’ and then mentally file it for use in future stuff. I’ve only ever taken one fic down, and most of the edits I do after the fact are for tagging or author’s notes.

I did amend the ending of Any Misery You Choose, but that was less because I got criticism (people were actually incredibly nice about it!) and more because I was extremely dissatisfied with how the original ending turned out, because I hadn’t adhered to the plan I myself had made, because I was rushing to finish the damn thing. (Protip: don’t do that.)

(please, please, please let these actually be the first five prime numbers)

[penelope-and-wonders]

The Guide to Get More Notes

This is gonna be harsh and honest and half of you are gonna hate me but hey I don’t believe there is another way of telling about what’s really effective. I keep seeing people asking about this and quite frankly I don’t find the common answer to that question satisfying. ‘Tag properly and keep doing what you like and everything will be okay’. Yeah… it won’t. I’ve been in marketing for almost ten years now, and I know it for sure. So here’s a bit of promotion practice and tactics for those of you who crave popularity.

CAUTION! This post is NOT about how to enjoy the Sims community; it’s NOT about how to be creative and enjoy your blog; it’s NOT about how to be a decent person or a great friend. It’s strictly about what to do to get more notes.

Stop concentrating your attention on popular simmers

It’s a lot easier to befriend/get attention of a person that has fewer friends than a person that has tones of them. It’s a common logic. I know simmers that get hundreds of notes and all their support comes from the smaller Simblrs. Spend your time with smaller Simblrs, it’s more effective for growing your followers list.

If you want to be popular post what’s popular

It’s such bullshit that by doing whatever your heart desires you can become a star at the square one. That’s just not true. Well, you can if you have enough money to promote yourself and make people believe you’re a genius. It’s never magic, it’s always marketing. If you don’t have those promotion resources you need to give people what they want and what they are used to. There are always trends going in the Sims Community. They change and you need to follow them.

Get your inspiration from several popular sources

There’s no such a thing as ‘a unique content’. Everything you see is a mix-up of impressions, expressions, emotions, and experiences that come from others’ work. It may be called unique because it’s your personal mix-up but it still consists of something that already exists. Have you read ‘Steal Like an Artist: 10 Things Nobody Told You About Being Creative’? Read it. It’s a great book. Steal from different sources, it will make your work unique and rich.

Create a ‘rebloggable’ content

Reblogs give you more followers. Again, hello, it’s a common logic. The more you’ve been reblogged the more people have seen you and have learned about your existence. What do people reblog most often, aside from sophisticated stuff like custom content, look-books and edits? Interiors, exteriors, pretty sceneries, cc-free builds available for download. You can do all that, can’t you? Well, what are you waiting for?

Great content is popular because it’s great

Again, it’s a common logic. If you want a lot of people to like what you do, you need to do it well. It doesn’t take a lot to edit your screenshots. Yes, Photoshop costs money but Gimp doesn’t. You don’t want to install it on your computer? That’s alright, https://pixlr.com/ works perfectly fine right via your browser. There are a lot of great filters in there too. It’s very easy to make your photos look good. You just need to make that effort.

Be coherent and show your involvement with Simblrs you want to befriend

Let’s be honest the phrase ‘I want to be your friend’ works great when you’re in the first grade. I mean I had a friend that approached me with these words when I was seven. Now I’m thirty one and friends making doesn’t work this way anymore. Humor makes friends. Common interests make friends. Emotional involvement in the other makes friends. Most of the people don’t give a crap about what you want but they enjoy you showing your interest in them. When you make friends it’s not about you, it’s about people you try to befriend.

Find your soulmates, teammates and people like yourself

In every society, in every community there are always different groups. They form by different characteristics. It may be nationality, ethnicity, general aesthetics, sexuality, religion, age, etc. It’s a pretty natural way of living for every community because every person naturally seeks support only the one alike can provide them with. For example, as a thirty one year old person I cannot fully understand what’s bothering a teenager, and that’s pretty natural. If you want to integrate more deeply into society, you need to try to connect with people who are more like yourself.

Ps. Popularity is exhausting and it’s not what makes you happy

I’m not gonna even try to explain that; you just need to go through it yourself. Maybe it will suit you, who knows?

[tearlessrain]

okay, I have a spare afternoon and a freshly made batch of guacamole I need to hide from my roommate because I only had one avocado and that is not enough to share. time to ruin it by watching Maximum Ride.

aw sad bird child. okay she looks nothing like the description in the book but she is adorable. why does the old guy look so much like Sad Island Luke.

listen I’m gonna be honest and say I barely remember the plot of the books and have no idea who anyone is. I remember who Ari is and like three of the bird children

why would the nicknames they (if I remember right, see above) gave eachother be on their official forms

oh god down we go into Voiceover Exposition Hell

... that is not a tomboyish fourteen year old girl.

... that is NOT a fourteen year old boy

seriously she looks like liv from izombie

um. did his wings get cut off. why is his back like that. where are her wings. why are they acting like it’s a big secret nobody is watching this who didn’t read the books we’re just here to see mediocre cgi wings. you have one job, movie. don’t screw up your one redeeming quality.

omg small child is adorable. he’s also the best actor by far for some reason. not that the bar was high but like this kid can actually act

why are they like. going out if their way to make max as unlikable as possible. I dislike her almost as much as light turner.

description of iggy I recall reading: pale, light-haired, fine-boned, somewhat calm and serious

description of max I recall reading: dark-haired, relatively sturdy build for a bird child, blunt and outspoken

so why am I seeing literally the exact opposite????

I just really, really hate her she hasn’t displayed a single redeeming quality or resemblance to her book counterpart

fifteen minutes in and still no sign of wings aka the only thing that would make this movie even slightly watchable

“I know you think max doesn’t care, but she does” are you sure about that fang because we’re almost a fifth of the way into the movie of which she’s the titular character and she has yet to display even one single emotion

wait that’s iggy sorry they both have the generic white boy haircut and dress similar

why did they give iggy all of max AND fang’s distinctive/interesting traits

less than one minute later: “you’re wrong to think max doesn’t care, she does” okay so like... you know the part of editing where you go through and look for superfluous lines and remove them? I THINK THEY FORGOT TO DO THAT.

god it’s like listening to a bioware dialogue tree

the only plot this movie has had so far is “nobody can go outside and everyone has to keep quiet” and now you all come pouring out of the house and start yelling the instant something suspicious happens. okay.

WINGS. FINALLY.

it wasn’t even a dramatic reveal though it was literally just schwoop there she goes

oh that’s some hobbit-level cgi oh dear

you know if you don’t have the budget to make decent wings and show them more often you shouldn’t be making a maximum ride movie that’s the only reason anyone is even here. seriously, one job.

oh my god ari I’m dying what did they do to his character design holy shit that’s bad

wHY ARE THESE CHILDREN BETTER ACTORS THAN THEIR OLDER COUNTERPARTS

WHAT IS THIS 80S MUSIC VIDEO OVERLAY EDITING

lasto beth nin, tolo dan nan galad

her face is just slowly rotating closer please stop.

i don’t want it.

what did that accomplish

aaand max continues to be a passenger in her own movie while fang and iggy take all the initiative

such dramatic. very slo mo. wow.

I love how they were so confident in their writing ability that they thought they could made the wings an afterthought

paul ari you is a wirwulf

I’m sorry nobody is going to get that it’s a mystery science theater reference

okay know what we should just rename the movie “Iggy” because he’s literally the only one who’s done anything useful or interesting

omg ari did the Shan Yu Punch out of the ground amazing

okay those wings are in no way sufficient to lift a child. even a child with hollow bones and whatever other bullshit physiology. they aren’t much longer than arms, you don’t even need to worry about being cumbersome when folded because they apparently just vanish magically so why not go for it. seriously, you had ONE JOB.

“stop.” thank you fang that’s just what I was about to say to her. but I think you meant “stop being irrational about this particular thing” whereas I meant “stop talking forever please and thank you”

you do NOT have enough chemistry or nuance for this much dialogue-free face closeup content, movie. when I said stop talking I meant stop the WHOLE scene containing the talking.

you know that “lemon stealing whores” porn intro that became a meme? that’s the quality of acting I’m looking at here. I’m not exaggerating that’s the vibe I get from her.

ah the ol’ “convenient nearby sexual assault” trope, hallmark of a writing team who forgot to give their protagonist a personality or redeeming qualities and are desperately trying to make up for it too late.

here comes fang in all his music video quality cgi slo mo glory to once again render max utterly superfluous

the funny thing is in any other movie I would kind of hate him but the baseline is max so he seems all right

it’s been 40 minutes and like three things have happened

okay I know normally in these liveblogs I’m yelling “show don’t tell” but that only works if what you’re showing has any internal consistency or meaning, if I just wanted to watch a bunch of disjointed scenes sometimes in slow motion I’d watch Koyaanisqatsi because at least they did it well. movie, please stop showing me things.

speaking of internal consistency they keep going wildly off model on the wings, they keep changing size/shape, now they look like they’re made of bendy wire how hard is it to google bird anatomy. YOU HAD. ONE. JOB.

how is she this bad at acting. I’m just looking on in awe now.

oh fang you’re a saint for putting up with her but you should have just left her in the house and taken over the movie

THE DIALOGUE IS SO BAD. “how’s you’re shoulder?” “fine......................................................... seriously, that’s all you’re going to say?” HE DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING

this is just such a bizarrely disjointed mess

no. no please don’t kiss I don’t want to see it and it definitely didn’t happen in the book

thank god

omg it was iggy, finding yet another way to save the movie

oh stop trying to make her out to be all heroic and shit now, you wasted half the movie making this bed now lie in it and make someone else the protagonist. how about iggy, who has a personality and does things and stopped the unnecessary romance subplot in its tracks. the boy’s a hero.

only 30 minutes to go I can do this

I’m not even mad about the bullshit science because every other component of the movie is somehow even worse

“you were his favorite” FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY SHE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES

actually scratch that SHE HAS NO QUALITIES SHE’S JUST THERE

flashback to the comparatively talented child actors time again

what was the point of that flashback though, you’re just relaying the exact information fang just told everyone with no new contributions. I didn’t say show AND tell ffs.

I don’t even know what to say about ari he’s just generally hilarious

okay we get it the ringing is loud, you have established this into the ground now please stop

okay good nobody’s talking Imma just take my earbuds out until it’s over

finally

and they’re back in their weird, economically inefficient cage arrangement again. oh no.

seriously why are all the children better actors like where did they find these children. moreover where did they find such terrible adults.

here comes woverine’s obnoxious metalhead little brother again

OKAY, WE KNOW IT’S JEB, YOU CAN STOP BUILDING UP TO IT NOW

please stop talking I beg you this is painful

“I brought you to the house so you could develop physically and emotionally” and I assume they brought her back because that part of the experiment was a complete failure

okay listen the pacing and editing in this movie is awful. it’s so slow. they pause for at least three seconds between every single line of dialogue and it feels like they’re doing that because they’re trying to cover for the fact that they have absolutely nothing to say. this conversation could last half as long as it is. and the editing isn’t even interesting it’s just “headshot headshot fullbody distance shot from the side repeat” even if the actors were good this scene would be boring as all fuck.

[monotone exposition]

[more exposition]

[badly emoted emotional response]

there now imagine that repeated several times over and you’ve watched the entire, I shit you not, seven minute scene.

so she walked out of the room calmly and voluntarily right past ari and then we cut to ari aggressively wrestling her back in the economically inefficient cage room

why is he talking like batman

why are they all looking to her for leadership she’s shown zero leadership

MAKE IGGY THE LEADER MAKE IGGY THE LEADER DEPOSE MAX

bit late to establish a new villain with no precedent in your already disjointed movie isn’t it?

p l e a s e stop with these establishing shots

asdfkdgs she punched him in the chest and his head jerked to the side miscommunication

once again that went on longer than it needed to I think we’ve identified this movie’s fatal flaw

one of them

the other is max’s acting

and the ratio of wings to literally anything else

everything that’s occurred in this movie could have happened in thirty minutes tops

running running running

with no indication of how far apart they are or where they’re going of course so there’s absolutely no tension

wha

omg she’s still standing there fucks sake learn pacing

“so what now” “I dunno” LEADERSHIP

oh goodness oh no she has passed out I guess we’ll just have to make Iggy the leader such a shame

you know even in the book I remember liking Iggy a lot. he was a wildly different character from the little I recall but I do know I liked him.

they flashed back to the entire movie sped up and it took less than a minute which I think says a lot about how little happened in this movie

oh no enough romantic tension

S T O P

I was at least expecting a final dramatic group takeoff since they’re a bunch of BIRD PEOPLE standing on the edge of a CLIFF and all, but I guess the cgi budget ran out so we end with the bird children just standing on the ground in a group to dramatic music.

YOU

HAD

ONE

JOB

fuck this I feel cheated but at least it’s over.

[existentialburden]

11 13 16 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 29 30

11. How do you come up with your fic titles?

ngl it just sort of... happens? I’ll be writing and then I’ll go “oh FUCK I need a title” and 9 times outta 10 it ends up a joke. placeholder names tend to be whatever characters are involved or whatever ik will remind me of the fic, if it even gets a placeholder name. “Duktra”. “Enslog’ph”. “Fern bby are you okay”. “Aila come out of the closet you grimdark bastard”. all placeholders the moment they move to their own document. “Give Enny A Decent Dad 2019″ is not a placeholder. the only difference is I took the time to capitalize shit.

13. Do you outline your fics? How much of a headache would someone get if they just looked at an outline of yours without reading the fic?

sometimes yes sometimes no! mostly no. the Enslog’ph outline is. okay it doesn’t even focus on what the fic’s focusing on now but it’s at least coherent, even if it goes into two branching paths. another Enny fic I have going has a two-sentence outline that is. technically correct. nothing headache-inducing but very Vague and Frustrating to look at.

16. Do you research for your fics? If so, how deep of a rabbit hole have you gone down by accident when researching?

depends on if looking for my own character lore is research! if not, nothing really takes that much research. if yes... every time I go to find character lore I end up reading through hours’ worth of rps just to find How West Types or Enzo’s Height Compared To Ryze’s or.... yeah. I did that today. it was nice and also a fucking ride bcause I ended up reading the ENTIRETY of the rp channel for an au and then an hour of dms.

18. Do you have a WIP that you keep telling yourself you’ll eventually get back to, but deep down you know that’s probably a lie?

anything on my OG writing document. like... look. we all know I’m not finishing any of those Aila fics. I’m not gonna wrap em up concisely. I’m probably not gonna finish that superhero au fic where Nuad gets to see just how much Enny’s affected by her false memories. the impulse Wynn and Aila monster au fic is not getting finished. except. wait. fuck. now I want to work on that. GOD DAMN IT.

19. Do you edit your fics after you write them, or do you prefer to just hit post and run (because it’s someone else’s problem now)?

depends who I’m sharing them with! I don’t edit them before showing people in dms. I do edit them before putting them on here or ao3. the editing process is... minimal. I will say that. Ro helps though!

20. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

just getting that rush of an idea that I spit out most of in an afternoon, or not being able to go to sleep so I shrug and just let the midnight creativity carry me through another fic! the initial inspiration for an idea mostly. and also reading it back, sometimes.

21. What’s your least favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

when I inevitably get stuck and have to actually FIGURE OUT WHERE I WANT IT TO GO.... also trying to wrap it up into a neat conclusion. fuck that. this is a scene lifted from daily life out of a series of moments that never stop how tf am I supposed to give it an ENDING??? it leans into the rest. time doesn’t stop on  the hour every hour it flows into it! bluhhhh.

22. Do you take fic requests? If so, for what characters and why?

I used to do oneshot requests but uhhhh my motivation is inconsistent and it felt like promising something I couldn’t deliver ig? I’d take them again if anyone wanted specific fic about my ocs though! I just. I’m not invested enough in any canon stuff to write things people would request for. the stuff I AM invested in doesn’t have a huge following and I’m too close to it to feel anything but insecure about writing it! like... yeah I could feel comfortable writing some wild Homestuck shit if I were still invested in it. because Homestuck exists in the view of the masses and has for a while and there’s so many takes on the characters. but I don’t feel comfortable writing, say, Watt, because Netnavi RP is so much smaller and if I write stuff I’d be like... the ONLY PERSON. there are so few takes on character voices there. the large community versus small community terrifies me bcause if you write your take on a character in an ocean it’s like yep that’s just another stranger. if you write your take on a character in a kiddie pool everyone can see you doing it and there’s nothing to compare it to either way. the moment someone else writes something it will be immediately judged against yours. it just. terrifies me y’know?

tl;dr I would totally take fic requests if y’all wanted to request more of my OC bullshit and I’d write stuff for like... Animal Crossing. hand me those obscure villager favs like Hornsby or Antonio or Eloise. I’ll write about the Koopalings. shit I’d go back to Homestuck hell if you offered me a dollar (the others are free). fuck dude if you want my take on your OCs and give me an OC tag to scroll through I’ll do my best if you promise not to make fun of me for any misinterpretations.

23. What’s your absolute favorite trope to write?

hurt/comfort. or just comfort. I love me some cuddles and affirmations and overwhelming trust and care babey!

24. What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write?

I hate miscommunication bcause I get HEAVY second-hand embarrassment and I’m prone to mishearing or misunderstanding things myself so it just... hurts to read. I’ll write it but hhhhhhhh y’feel?

25. Do you listen to music as you write? If possible, link your writing playlist.

sometimes! I used to do it more often. I don’t have a specific playlist but I did use this one for a long while, and you can get to my other ones from it! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2WdXLJmV6zOPRPx9lNRR1d?si=krNNeOWgTS666LJ8G_PoaQ

26. What’s your biggest distraction when writing?

messages or having to look for character lore. it just makes me wanna read old rps....

29. Have you ever written for an exchange or event of some kind? Which one(s)? Did you enjoy it?

nope! the thought is terrifying! I used to trade fic for Noodle’s writing but he stopped trading me back (I think he ran out of relevant fics he was comfy sharing. thas cool I just love feedback :3).

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.

okay gonna mix it up and not have it be GodqWest or Enslog’ph this time uhhhh take this. lore-wise “Aila” is correct but it’s about Enny, trust me. superhero au gang rise up--

"Is there a problem?" The voice is muffled, but not muffled enough. Yüur. 

Aila shakes her head silently, not daring to open her eyes. She can feel herself tense up, her shoulders raising and her head ducking down to hide herself, knowing that everyone must be looking at her now.

"Aila's having an episode," a voice mumbles, and she freezes. Shut up. Shut up.

Everything's quiet for a few moments, and she holds her breath to keep it that way. Her heartbeat pulses through her ears, suddenly so obvious that she can't bear the sensation of it. It beats, beats again, and her head dips lower, ears touching her shoulder blades, pushing against her hair uncomfortably. Ticklish and trapped and disgustingly there. It's a lot, it's too much, she's going to scream--

There's a low hum from just behind her, and she gasps in a new breath of air.

[godzillamendoza]

Film School Week 1

I’ve always toyed with the idea of keeping a journal to splay out my thoughts and keep a record of the strange and often scary things that run through my head in times of stress. I’ve also heard that it could be a good way to relieve some of that stress, and as anyone that’s been in my position can attest, the first week of college is fucking stressful. 

Now, I’ve dreaded this for a long time. Not because the concept of higher education put me off, or because I secretly didn’t want to do it, or because I thought college was a waste of time. No, it’s because of the drive. I have a crippling fear of driving, which I may do another entry about later. In short, being behind a wheel makes me panic like a Spider-Man UE4 developer trapped in a room with a Marvel Executive and a lawyer. Something about driving gives me this feeling that the whole world is out to get me and every time someone goes around me because they think I’m not going fast enough or they honk at me for waiting too long to go when the light turns green all makes me want to climb out of my skin and leave this planet and go live on Mars in a hut with good wi-fi. (this isn’t stream of consciousness is it? Oh, I guess it is now.)

Anyway, the drive to school is 45 - 50 minutes long. A 10 minute drive to pick up my friend Josh from his apartment stresses me out, and as you an imagine, the drive to school is 4.5 - 5x worse than that. The first day of driving there alone came, my mother being busy with prior engagements at work and my father being lazy. I thought I’d use my GPS to get there, but google decided that instead of a straight path down the highway, I should get onto the highway, get off of it, get onto a different highway, and then eventually merge onto the one I was already on. This all being uncharted territory for me, I went along with it and added way too many extra steps to my commute. 

The first day on Monday was rather easy, being that it lasted 2 hours. Apparently the school had assigned me a schedule to go there on Mondays and Wednesdays every week, but then mysteriously altered it to Tuesdays and Thursdays without notifying me. The teacher in the first class spent the usual 2 hours rambling about safety procedures and reading from a syllabus. Though I figured something was wrong when he did the “what the fuck is everyone’s names” thing and said I didn’t appear on his class list. Class ended and I wandered to the front office to ask about it and discovered the mix up. 

This is the point where I considered something drastic and violent, because I had driven to the school one extra time than I needed to for the week and gas was expensive. I opted to make this day at least somewhat productive by making a short jaunt across campus and getting some financial aid paperwork to fill out at the main building of the school. This meant wading through the crowd of people all staring directly up at the sky with what looked like 3-D glasses from Sharkboy and Lava Girl. As much as I wanted to sit back and gawk with them at the cosmic ballet of a solar eclipse, I had things to get done. So I spent the majority of said eclipse in a waiting room as the student help desk thing ignored my request for a form that was in a basket two feet away from where the guy was fucking sitting I could just go back there and get it why do I have to wait this is fucking stupid I hate everything. Thankfully though I walked out with the form and got to see the eclipse at its peak with some of those 80s bully glasses they were handing out. 

Tuesday was boring. All we did was look through the syllabus AGAIN, but this time with a different teacher and a different set of students and it lasted the full day instead of one class. My rampant insomnia had kept me up until 3 AM the night before, which I consider impressive for myself seeing as how I saw the sunrise every day of summer. This led me to making some tweets to mock the situation and of course people immediately couldn’t tell when I was trying to be silly. I got a mixed bag of encouraging messages from fans that wanted me to succeed and several crazy people ranting about how I should get my money back and quit college because they had a bad experience with a completely different type of college in a different state. And as we all know, if someone has a bad experience or dislikes something, EVERYONE ELSE should disregard its existence forever under their advice. 

The highlight of Tuesday was a moment where I made a genuine connection with one of my teachers. He was a young guy, maybe in his early 20s, who had been editing since 2009 and graduated from the school, only to realize that he loved Post-Production enough to teach it between professional editing jobs. At one point he tried to demonstrate to a half asleep class that they should have a watchful eye for editing choices in other people’s projects to avoid their mistakes and emulate their strengths. Thus, he showed us the short film he had edited during his time in the class. It was some short that had premiered at our state’s film festival, chronicling the plight of an overworked steel-mill employee that began an unhealthy competition with him to receive a promotion and make his family proud. Then he murders his friend by pouring lava on him and making it look like a random industrial accident. The teacher began rolling through it and pointing out his own mistakes as an editor in the film. An act of humility that I found refreshing after going to high school and answering to a faculty of self absorbed assholes that became teachers to feel like they were important. He explained how he made continuity mistakes with a character placing his hand on his face in one shot, then in the next shot removing the opposite hand. Mistakes such as this drive people in the industry fucking crazy because they’re trained to look for it, but none of the students noticed the goof. Myself included. That was when he started briefly describing the scene with the lava and I derailed the whole flow of the class. 

I asked him more questions about how he did such an impressive visual effect and I genuinely feel like it made his day that I was so fascinated. He gave up on talking about the syllabus and instead talked with me about the process. Apparently they had gone out to the back of the school and placed a black felt mat behind a mannequin and then poured green paint on it. Then he rotoscoped the footage to show only the green paint, which he then digitally altered to have the texture and glow of molten steel. He then placed this footage over the actor in the scene, who simply just fell down on the set because real lava is expensive, and lined up the way it poured over the mannequin with the way it would have theoretically landed on the actor. Having seen a lot of visual effects tutorials or watching the behind the scenes videos for Dragon Ball Z abridged, I knew almost all of the terminology he had thrown my way and I kept up in the conversation rather nicely. I don’t know how the other students felt about it considering it was just them watching two guys geek out over special effects, but frankly I didn’t (and still don’t) give a shit. It was fun. This was followed by a drive home where the GPS told me to get onto the highway, then off of it, then under it, then over it, then onto it again. Suffice to say, driving was not fun that day and I got home with my hands shaking and my legs numb and my ass sore from sitting for 56 minutes. 

Thursday started with... well today is Thursday. But today started with me wanting to procrastinate getting out of bed, so against my better judgment I set my alarm clock forward an extra 20 minutes after it rang the first time. I laid in bed with my eyes closed and my heart pumping through the back of my spine at the thought of driving. I didn’t even sleep for that 20 minutes. I just waited. Thinking. Panicking. After that I took a shower for 30 minutes like an idiot. Starving African children could have eaten all that water I wasted. Then I got into the car, turned on the GPS and it said that the drive would last 55 minutes because traffic was so heavy on the highway. Class began in one hour. It offered an alternate route where I did the same bullshit gymnastics of getting off and on the highway 6 times, but I decided that I had the path memorized a certain way and I was going to stick to it. So I disregarded the antiquated GPS and just drove there from memory with about 8 minutes to spare before class started. I had a decent amount of sleep the night before and I was on time and the drive was easy. It seemed like things were off to a good start. Then things started becoming more clear. 

The teacher in my Production 1 class seemed different from other teachers in some way that I couldn’t quite place. But today in seeing him run through a Powerpoint on the basics of shot composition, the rule of thirds, shot types, etc. I figured out what was off. He wasn’t a teacher. He had no degree for it. He as just some guy who, much like everyone else teaching here, was a student with a passion for film who started passing his knowledge to a new generation. It didn’t feel like I was being talked down to, it felt like I was being talked to. It felt like he was just some nice guy, maybe even a friend, trying his damnedest to explain how this stuff works. And then I realized something funny on top of that. I already knew everything he was explaining because I had studied this stuff in my free time since I was 9 years old. I think the only new information I received that I hadn’t picked up from documentaries, books, or YouTube movie reviews, was the technical aspects of these fancy 4k cameras and special tripods they wheeled in from the back room. Sure I was as lost as everyone else when it came to the equipment, but the mechanics of shooting a scene, the methods of writing, the terminology of camera movements-- all of it I already knew.

The rest of the day after felt like something new. I felt like I was somewhere I gave a shit about what I was being told. After 8 years of drifting through school and feeling bored out of my mind (as well as some unhealthy levels contempt for my middle and high school’s respective staffs) I felt something bizarre. Caring. It was stuff I thought was cool. I was being taught stuff I’d probably be trying to figure out at home anyway if I wasn’t at the school. At long last, there was a sense of purpose. 

The Post-Production class was filled with editing terminology I wasn’t familiar with like the L-Cut, the J-Cut, Picture Lock and a few others. But I knew how to DO all of these things. I had already done them in my free time on YouTube projects. I finally had names for these processes I had self taught in my last 2 years of pursuing this strange potential career path. Things were starting to make sense and once again, the post production teacher and I ended up just talking about random technical stuff while the class probably rolled their eyes. He was barely older than me by a few years and he clearly shared a lot of my opinions and favored techniques for these things. I never expected that the first friend I’d make would be one of the teachers, especially given my history with authority. 

After that in my script analysis class I think I surprised the professor. He asked a question and I answered in a way that caused him to stutter and rethink his next words. I think I inadvertently stole his thunder a little by teaching the class a bit of film history that he wanted to tell. We were discussing types of characters and their levels of effectiveness with an audience. He asked “Why do you think the anti-hero become so popular in the 70s?” and I told him “because we had just gotten through Vietnam. In times of war, morals become more gray. Soldiers sometimes have to make tough decisions and do bad things for a good cause, Vietnam especially. When good and bad started to fade together in people’s minds it became easy for that to bleed into the writing at the time and you have more characters reflecting society’s feelings.”

He seemed impressed and annoyed at the same time as he said “that’s exactly right, yes.” But he continued on and I kept quiet the rest of the class. I’m sure he had characters in mind like Paul Kersey or Alex in Clockwork Orange. The entire time I rambled my psuedo-intellectual answer, all I had in mind was the Punisher. I was worried I’d end up sounding like an obnoxious know-it-all-teacher’s-pet asshole like Peter Parker in that new cartoon if I had kept going. It still felt nice to be right for once. Instead of being the bored/depressed kid in the back of the class praying for either death or the bell to ring, I was the smart one that was engaged and smiling. In fact, I started becoming self conscious and hyper-aware of it, but all day I think I was the only that just couldn’t stop... smiling. 

The drive home was better. I had finally figured out the most simple path and I just went for it. I disregarded the GPS and its dumbshit advice. Sure I spent 25 minutes of the trip in grid-lock dead stopped traffic, but I felt in control. I felt like I was confident in my ability to find my way home. I didn’t mind how slow it went because I knew that everyone on the road was in the same boat as me. And the slower you drive, the less likely you are to fly at the windshield if you clip a concrete divider. So I sat and talked to myself on the way home, cracking jokes back and forth with the voice in my head whom I’ve affectionately named “Co-Pilot” and I had an okay time. I got home and realized that everything was going to be okay. I kind of wanted to cry. I also kind of wanted to laugh. 

It felt like all these years of worrying about the inevitability of college and the dangerous commute just came off my shoulders. I felt like a boulder was lifted off my chest and I could breathe again. Now I know why I wanted so badly to go to this place for all these years. Its where I belong. And while it will certainly get a little stressful in the coming months to meet deadlines and collaborate with other creatives, its all the kind of stress I have spent the last years growing accustomed to by doing over the internet. Its not the stress of feeling stupid because I struggled so hard in my math class. Its just the same kind of hassle I’ve had to deal with already by virtue of being an artist. Its the kind of hassled I want to deal with because I know when the final product came out, it was all worth it. Feeling dumb in math class all these years to learn something arbitrary wasn’t worth it. This all feels right. Like I’m Jerry at a daycare for other Jerrys while Rick and Morty go off on adventures. This place was made for me. So yes, an art school is fucking worth my money because I’d rather feel what I’m feeling right now than be some 19 year old working in McDonald’s during the day and feeling hollow inside because I can’t express myself creatively. I hate that shit. 

This isn’t going to be easy, and there might be parts of it that suck. There might be parts of it that drive me to tears and anger, but it’s worth it. I finally found a place where I belong and that I love. Love isn’t easy. Its a lot of tiny problems to solve one by one to make a thing work in the long term. That’s okay. I’m prepared for that and there’s nothing else I’d rather be doing. For just once. I’m feeling okay. And that feels kind of amazing.

[zucca101]

Friendship ending

A lot of people have had friends dump them because they either voted for Trump or don’t hate Trump enough.

And when they are forced to see that the friends they try to dump aren’t horrible people, they perform mental gymnastics to convince themselves that their former friends are horrible people.

The following is a long rant from one such friend of mine and my response. If you recognize who it is, I DEMAND you seek no reprisal from them. I am keeping them anonymous to protect their identity for just that reason.

... A leftist, really now. Ahaha, oh wow.

*Link to the post I made about Lincoln being shot by a Leftist*-Z

Yes, noted Confederate sympathizer and anti-abolitionist John Wilkes Booth. A leftist.I was already keeping you at a healthy arm's length while putting up a vague semblance of friendship for the sake of not rocking the boat on that one server we're in, but holy shit have you ever lost your damn marbles. I can't do this, lmaoI mean, you've got an impressive collection of bullshit on that blog of yours all around, but this? chef kissHonestly, on some level, you impress me. How someone can claim to be anti-establishment while sucking up to the establishment every possible way they can, how someone can claim to be "seeking truth" only to disregard all evidence that can't be traced back to some skeezy reactionary Facebook page or another delivered to you through the impermeable little bubble of right-wingers you've created for yourself along with the right wing side of mass media your purportedly loathe so much... tell me, just how much cognitive dissonance do you deal with on a daily basis?How does it feel to claim to be "pro life", or to claim that you care about others only to push for measures to restrict access to healthcare, or to vehemently yell against anything the government could do that would make it easier for people to come out of the vicious spiral of poverty?(edited)How does it feel to constantly pretend to care about minorities, but only ever use us as gotchas to other minorities that you've internally designated as universally bad in spite of any evidence to the contrary - not to mention, without ever listening to us if we tell you you did something wrong, instead cherry picking those of us willing enough to suck up to the establishment to tell you what you want to hear, so you never have to confront the idea you may have done something wrong?(edited)Hell, isn't that what they call "virtue signaling" in your circles?Beyond your dishonesty to others, ask yourself this: are you even honest to yourself? Aren't you robbing yourself of any kind of personal growth by doing all this? Are you really contributing anything positive to this world by constantly spreading unchecked factoids that instantly fall apart the moment you expose them to any actual scientific sources (you know, the ones people in your general political corner like to call "fake news"), or by spreading the idea that people in dire straits should just pull themselves up by their bootstraps?Or for that matter, by resisting any measure of change towards a fairer society and instead vocally gushing about the virtues of a system that, by its very nature, its very definition, its very -essence- is about fucking over who you can, and quietly plugging your ears to anything you hear about the many negative consequences it has for the world, or the people living in it?Come back to me once you've learned how to maintain a shred of integrity, I suppose. Maybe take some time to reflect on what it means to be a good person. I can't be friends with someone to whom I have to explain why they should care about other people.Goodbye.

This is my response:

In 1865 John Wilkes Booth, a Democrat, assassinated Abraham Lincoln, President of the United States.

In 1881 a left wing radical Democrat shot James Garfield, President of the United States who later died from the wound.

In 1963 Lee Harvey Oswald, a radical left wing socialist, assassinated John F. Kennedy, President of the United States.

In 1975 a left wing radical Democrat fired shots at Gerald Ford, President of the United States.

In 1983 John Hinckley, a registered Democrat, shot and wounded Ronald Reagan and paralyzed a member of his cabinet.

... In 1984 James Huberty, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 22 people in a McDonalds restaurant in San Ysidro, CA.

In 1986 Patrick Sherril, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 15 people in an Oklahoma post office.

In 1990 James Pough, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 10 people at a GMAC office.

In 1991 George Hennard, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 23 people in a Lubys cafeteria.

In 1995 James Daniel Simpson, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 5 coworkers in a Texas laboratory.

In 1999 Larry Asbrook, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 8 people at a church service.

In 2001 a left wing radical Democrat fired shots at the White House in a failed attempt to kill George W. Bush, President of the US.

In 2003 Douglas Williams, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 7 people at a Lockheed Martin plant.

In 2007 Seung - Hui Cho, a registered Democrat, shot and killed 32 people in Virginia Tech.

In 2010 Jared Lee Loughner, a mentalliy ill registered Democrat, shot Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and killed 6 others.

In 2011 James Holmes, a registered Democrat, went into a movie theater and shot and killed 12 people.

In 2012 Andrew Engeldinger, a disgruntled Democrat, shot and killed 7 people in Minneapolis.

In 2013 Adam Lanza, a registered Democrat, shot and killed men, women, and children in the Sandy Hook school massacre.

Leftist? Maybe JWB was, maybe he wasn't. But a Democrat, he assuredly was. Perhaps I overreached in saying he was a Leftist, but I should clarify that when I say 'Leftist' I don't mean 'someone on the Left'. I mean someone who believes The Left is the ONLY way. The same way I draw distinction between Muslims and Islamists. Islamists want to push it on others. Muslims are the broadest defition of those who follow Islam.

And what establishment am I sucking up to....? I don't watch Fox with any kind of regularity. I get most of my facts from self-described 'classic liberals' whose hearts are on the Left, but their minds are more centrist. They have intellectual honesty. I listen to Gavin McInnis to blow off steam, Bill Whittle for the Right of Center take on news and Sargon for Left of Center.

I don't care for the mass media because while I suspected that they were liars and obfuscating before, to finally have iron-clad proof of it is extremely liberating.

And I CHALLENGE YOU to show me where I said that women should not have access to healthcare. Or even hinted at it. What, you think because I know Single Payer is garbage that will create a pile of corpses. I'm against healthcare for women? I've even said that my stance on abortions is that it should be between the woman and her doctor, not the woman, the government, the doctor, some pencil pushers and more. Just as my stance on same-sex marriage is that it should be between a couple and the church of their choice, not to make it legally compulsory and simply flip the oppression over rather than making it fair and equal of measure. And where abortions are concerned, the parental rights of the father are nonexistent. Now, in cases such as incest and rape (Which if you look at the stats, represent a small minority of abortions) still strongly urge the mother to consider life, but if she chooses abortion, while I find it extremely distasteful (The child DOES NOT HAVE A SAY IN THIS) I fully understand and sympathize with the decision.

As for helping people out of poverty, you know what's the BEST way out of poverty that ISN'T a government program?

A job. A simple job. And if the government creates conditions that *encourage* job growth, then you accomplish the same end without making people dependent on the governmnet.

That's not to say that there shouldn't be charity for people who TRULY cannot help themselves. That's a given. But when you extend the scope of those within the perview of the government to give money to to include people who CAN help themselves, then you create dependents. And it's not that they're bad or lazy people. They're taking the least complicated route. If you get more money for not working than you do for working, you'll take the one that affords you free time to spend with your family, friends or on your own pursuits.

Constantly pretend to.... universally bad...? WHAT....? Dude, don't even try that one. Blah-blah, anyone Right of Mao is racist, blah. Pardon my French, but go fly a frikken kite. In my tabletop gaming group, my friend Paul, 2nd Generation Japanese immigrant, is the most decent and kind man I've had the pleasure of knowing. He's a good dad to his kids and a good husband to his wife. My freind Zach is from a huge Filipino family and he's the best GM I've ever met, short of my oldest brother. John grew up in a Cadillac before his parents legally became citizens and came up to America from Mexico. These are guys I trust, literally, with my life. And none of us give a crap what the other looks like.

And I admit, for a while I was 100% not on board with Transsexualism. But since then I've come to stand that an adult who has spoken to a therapist and doctor, sorted out their feelings and decided after consideration that they wish to transition is completely fine by me. It doesn't hurt me or anyone else and if they've spoken to a therapist, then they're not setting themselves up for something regrettable. Now, trans-trenders, who want the status of being special and different, but don't want to go through the heartache and effort of making that transition, I call out for their bullshit, because not only are they full of shit, they're robbing REAL transsexuals of their credibility, their agency and their respect. And for some transsexuals to come out and say 'You don't have a right not to have sex with a transsexual', can't you see how that would rub some folk the wrong way?

Don't even try to talk to me about science, friend. I studied biology, agricultural science and psychology and I know a thing or two and when someone obfuscates or has nothing peer-reviewed, then I get suspicious. Again, I'd sorely love for you to point out where I was 'anti-science'.

And if you're suggesting that Socialism is your fluffy 'Fair Society' then I suggest you travel to Venezuala. I have a friend who lives there and the picture he paints is NOT a pretty one. How do you define a 'Fair society'? Because I define it as a society that rewards effort. You do a hard day's work, you make a fair wage and you work your way up the ladder. You can't try to take luck or privilege into account on EITHER Socialism or Capitalism, because there is no way to quantify the variable of luck and when you look at privelege, then it exists in the pipedream of Socialism too, because the people running it will ALWAYS BE BETTER OFF than the people who are not. That's simple human nature. The Great Wheel of Life as the Buddhists describe still exerts its effect on a Socialist state as much as a Capitalist. But unlike Socialism, at least in Capitalism you have, barring disability, the same shot as anyone else does to earn a good living.

I find it laughable that you sit there, where you are, and decry someone you know through occasional chats as either a good person or a not good person based on arbitrary variables.

See, the truth is that life is not as black and white as that. It's an exquisite composition of greys and other colors.

Sometimes life is good, sometimes life is not, but if you are free to self-determination (Something you DO NOT HAVE IN SOCIALISM) then you have a chance to better yourself. You DARE to accuse me of not caring about people out of one side of your mouth, while, with the other, propping up Socialism, which *DOES NOT CARE* about people to the point that a child is worthy of sacrifice due to SIMPLE INCONVENIENCE?! Sorry, but *fuck* that is the very cognative dissonance you accuse me of in plain and flagrant view.

I push myself to be a good person. I don't hurt people, I volunteer, I help the seniors at my church with many needs, I'm there for my friends and family and will drop what I'm doing to help, I treat everyone working retail with respect and actively try to make their day brighter, I don't care what color someone's skin is, I don't care if someone is disabled (My best friend back in Youth Bowling League and a better bowler than I, was a deaf boy named Arron), and I am generally considered to be very 'chill' in person and am so without chemical intervention. Does that make me a good person? I don't rightly know. I just do the best I can with what I've got. And I don't *dare* to assume that I have moral highground unless it's a truly clear-cut case. I've never killed, raped (Even though 3rd Wave Feminism insists that in every man there is a rapist that needs to be taught not to rape_) or stolen anything (Some shoplifting in my youth notwithstanding). In other words, I try to be a decent and polite person and let the world decide if I am or not a good person.

But what boggles my mind is that the line between good person and bad person is tied DIRECTLY to what side of the political spectrum they fall under. That is simplisticly childish. As is the 'Come back to me when you care about people' nonsense.

I will again wait for you to come to your senses and realize that life is not a cartoon with cartoonishly one-note people.

Genuinely warm regards,

-Zucca

[phoenixyfriend]

Hear me out: in-universe Champion!Shiro merch

There’s another Space Mall episode or something, and Pidge and Lance are doing their whole Meme Team thing, and then Lance does a double-take because Shiro?

It’s not actually Shiro.

It is a standing cardboard cut-out of Shiro, dressed like he was in the Arena.

As it turns out, gladiators in the Galra arenas get popular with the masses. Really popular. They get fandoms and everything. Shiro was the Champion for a long time, and he ended up getting a lot of fans for being both a stellar fighter and a genuinely decent person; very few people in the arenas were both.

So Lance points it out to Pidge, and they just kind of… look at each other for a long moment.

“Allura did give us some spending money this time.” “Think it’s enough?” “Let’s see.”

It’s absolutely enough for the cardboard cut-out, and also enough for the action figure, and the poster.

(More under the cut.)

“Someone’s going to kill us back at the castle.” “Should we keep this in the box so it stays mint, or take it out and play?” “We should’ve gotten two.”

They somehow manage to get back to the castle without anyone noticing cardboard Shiro. They sneak him into the console room, set him up in the Black Paladin seat, and then sit in their own seats and wait for everyone else.

Cardboard!Shiro just looks like brown cardboard cut into a human shape when one first walks in, so at least no one thinks that Shiro’s miraculously back, because that would be a dick move. So you have Allura returning (this time with something sparkly) and just. Seeing something in Shiro’s seat. Lance and Pidge are clearly at fault, but both are staring studiously at their consoles, so Allura just walks around and.

“What.” “We found it at the mall.” “Why.” “It’s like he’s back, but not really.” “We’re not keeping it.” “Well, it’s not like anyone else is going to be sitting there. You’re piloting Black, but you’re still at your Princess position, so the seat is free.” “For…that.” “For cardboard Shiro.”

She let’s them keep it.

Everyone else has similar reactions, except for Hunk, who sees it and goes “But is there more?”

Pidge and Lance show him the poster and the action figure, and from there on out, the three of them (and eventually everyone else) are on the lookout for Shiro merch.

Lance even gets in on it by innocuously spreading pictures and rumors that Shiro was the black paladin, but has reached a higher plane of existence due to his enlightenment–

(”Lance, that’s such bullshit. We don’t know where he is.”) (”Yeah, but didn’t Slav say that the Astral plane was our best bet for finding him?”) (”Shit, you right.”)

–and the rumors spread and suddenly there’s pictures spreading? And Lance isn’t taking responsibility for those, but they look like they were taken on Olkarion, so hey, maybe they’re playing along.

And then they have Black Paladin Shiro merch popping up and they get hit with the collector bug. There’s an entire room dedicated to Shiro collectibles, excluding Cardboard!Shiro (”he’s got a job to do at the console, we can’t just move him!”) and the bits they keep in their own rooms.

They start trying to use this even more to their advantage. The Blade of Marmora help, even, with spreading rumors and information and even some pictures of the other paladins in uniform. (Not with their faces showing, because they still need the ability to stay low-key if possible, but hey.)

And Voltron merch happens.

It happens big.

The Galra can’t control it, because most of it is happening underground. Lance makes a few shirts, develops a silk-screening process on the castle, so that there are official, handmade by the Blue Paladin shirts to auction off to the highest bidder. Allura almost lectures him for it, but they really do need the money. The Blade and Olkarion are helping them financially, but Voltron isn’t exactly self-sustaining. So yeah, people paying hundreds of thousands of GAC for a thing Lance made in a few minutes? It pays off if it means they can get replacement parts for the castle more easily.

Shiro comes back, sees the room with the merch, sees cardboard!Shiro in his seat, and just.

“Why.” “We got worried.” “I was only gone for a few months!” “…That’s not a good argument.”

They keep collecting official Champion!Shiro merch, though. Even when real Shiro is with them.

“I need that action figure.” “Pidge, no.” “But it’s limited edition!” “Do you actually need it?” “Listen, what if we get two? I can keep one, and you can sign the other and then we can auction it off for a ridiculous profit!” “You and I both know that you’re going to keep both of them if we buy two.” “…yeah, one to play with and one to keep in mint condition.” “For the love of… fine, you can get one.”

When they find Matt, he delightedly joins the Garrison Trio in their collecting, regardless of Shiro’s groaning.

[stannamarsh]

Souvenirs From Hell

Souvenirs From Hell, by H.R Martin, (AKA YokoKoko on Tumblr, though this is the best edit.) I worked all day on this and forgot to eat. ----------------------------------------- Maya Angelou once commented that, "There's no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you." A certain person who will be mentioned later gave the opposite advice. Don't tell stories. Stories make one accountable. . Anyway, this story is unapologetic and it is all mine. What I learned recently has to do with the difference between life as a messed up 24 or 25 year old and one as a messed up 29 year old, aka me. It starts with knowing what you want and planning how to get it. Knowing that your fuck-ups are your responsibility. Knowing you're a mentally ill bitch who says harsh things, making the granary of truth in your words harder to hear. It's frustrating that you were attempting to communicate but somehow you got it all wrong. It's wanting desperately to be more thoughtful, helpful, intelligent, necessary and kind with your words. It's striving for the best in every action I choose to take. I want to be a decent human being. Due to my flaws, it's a struggle. Knowing isn't the issue. Doing right is the challenge. As for the five years growth between 24 and 29 I never believed it was that big of a difference until I lived it. That gap, in my experience is filled with codependency and attempts to train or fix someone. This is how we drive ourselves crazy. It's their journey. Not letting others walk their own journey or not being left alone to walk it is 90% of our therapists' jobs. We should work on ourselves. Because many, if not most partners that we try to prod and improve, and love into what we need them to be are stubborn idiots, and frankly so are we, for attempting to do this. I don't want to waste my fucking energy trying to train them to man/woman/non-binary up and be friggin grownups. Not my circus, not my monkeys, and most certainly, not my cage. Now that the intro is finished, the goals. I want: 1) A home that is mine. Not living in a hippie garbage can or benign drug house, albeit one with a chill vibe, in a nice neighborhood full of little-free-libraries, with nice people who are doing their best so you can't really blame them. But goddammit, I want different. It scared me that this was becoming my life. Is this my scene? What about my goals? I got negative and bitchy, and eventually exploded despite your stellar hospitality. I'm trying to work on these things at my own place, but humans are influenced by their friends. I need to distance myself until my living space at Hawk's Ridge is up to my standards, I need to work on that. Yours can be whatever you want it to be. And the hypothetical me with my shit together would give zero fucks about that, once I'm confident that I have my own standards in place. Otherwise, I get very anxious. 2) A solid community of friends and family who are "going places" in life, to the best of their individual ability (which does not mean under the constant influence of recreational yet legal prescriptions.) I'm not judging, given my penchant for these, and the fact that I'm starting NA tonight. Legal drugs that become a grey area between therapeutic and recreational are fun, but they won't help you achieve you goals. Anxiolytics are for anxiety, or the dentist. Vicodin is for pain and don't mix either with copious amounts of alcohol. That's why you spend too much time throwing up instead of doing fun things, like a cancer patient with much nicer hair. Also, drink water if you want to keep up with Mexicans, working in the hot sun without getting heat exhaustion. Common sense, people. I'm not saying your pain isn't real but some of it is your doing, just like some of mine is my doing. We have to hold ourselves accountable, better ourselves, drink and smoke weed socially and responsibly on VACATION (not stupidly or ever before getting behind the wheel.) Get with the program. People with more obstacles than solid doctors, helpful family, and a paid-off home do it every day. This was what I was keeping to myself until I said it in the wrong way while crying in your bathtub, "communicating" why I was harshing your buzz with my negativity. At the time, I had had a Klonopin, a Xanax, a Vicodin, another Xanax, another Xanax, and alcohol. I'm not a puker. I'm a cathartic, brutally honest crier, which is as bad a vomit in its own way. It smells better but takes longer to clean up. I'm sorry I hurt that sweet boy's feelings through the wall and seemed ungrateful for your hospitality. It's my fault for taking all those drugs, but I wasn't comfortable, something was wrong, I couldn't put my finger on it, and I repressed it with anything available to keep from being rude. It didn't work. There was truth in what I said, but the way I put it was mean, and unnecessary. Holding stuff in is bad for me. You said communicate. I said what I said and if I hadn't said it then, I would have done so eventually. Yes, I am grateful to people who open their homes to me, go on adventures with me, share their possessions with me. Catharsis can be cruel. I can't hang around you when I have 99 problems to solve already. Whether you would even want that is a mystery to me. I'll be busy but I still care. Though, I expect at this point, it's tl;dr for the both of you. That's another thing. Friends are people for whom tl;dr does not exist, unless they've had a stroke or something. 3) If there is a love mate out there for me, a soulmate if such a thing exists, I want to encounter this person on my adventures. I don't chase or look, because it depresses me and reduces love "such that it is" to consumption, or a meal ticket, a housing situation, a drug connection, a business deal, or a codependent puddle of mutual enabling. It's worse than any drug, save needles, meth, or crack, and all too often often, "love" drives otherwise healthy people down that road. 4. I want to go to Boulder, CO, my own personal Mecca. My condolences that police and a drugged hippie were mutually stupid and it resulted in tragedy. I mean the guy was strung out running naked in public. The worst child murder/ rape in recent memory went down there too, but people move on and this is where I want to live. This is my goal and I'm strong enough to not let news reports stop me from achieving what I want. 5. I want my MLIS and I will get it in December. When I get my debt and income under control, I want to participate in a BA to MD/PH.D program because once I'm stable, and clean, I know I can buckle down, tear through that MCAT and make it happen. See, when I was messed up, I at least knew enough not to hurt myself or spend the next day vomiting. Let's turn this sad, low-rent talent of mine into something that can help people. Want to be: medical librarian, doctor, medical PH.D (You heard me: MUD/FUDD), writer,Gonzo blogger, adventurer, world traveler, and at times, gainfully unemployed. These will all happen if I go to my meetings and follow Dr. Robert's advice: Get clean, hang out only with stable people who are tackling their goals, and achieve my scholarly potential, which truth be told, is at least a Masters' and an M.D/Ph.D. Not to brag, but that potential is somewhere between Lisa Simpson and Malcolm in the MIddle. (Meaning I'm probably a crazy genius, and if I'm retarded, John is a vegetable, organic I hope, so as compost he can me useful.) People say all the time that you're too old to start over. If someone can't do it they want to tell you that you can't either. Age is just a number. And truth be told, I'd rather die learning than being stuck in mediocrity. 6. I want happiness, stability, freedom from drama. attachment issues, an end to envy that a friend or acquaintance has someone, no matter how messed up the situation. I want independence, to control my compulsive, self destructive need to help others when there's shit I have to do for myself, just to prove my worth and keep them from leaving me. I end up burnt out and I become unnecessarily honest at people. I need to trust my vibes. If a situation feels icky or grasping or just plan dirty, I'm out. It's been real. Thanks for having me. Time to go slay the other goals. 7. MONEY...ENOUGH money that I have everything I want and need,within reason and accounting for storage space: a home, a housekeeper, or at least some kind of professional organizer to help me with cleaning and beautifying my abode, which is not my forte. My wonderful parents Susan Coleman and Donald Jeff Martin are helping me follow my bliss. They are the absolute best parents. I can never do enough to properly thank them for giving me life, taking a great risk to do so, for my dad taking the time to give private preschool quality education to me as a toddler so now math and languages are easy, for my mom who taught me about feminism, and whether she knew it or not, supercharged my innate qualities of forthrightness, justice, and the desire to fight for what's right. Thanks for teaching me right from wrong,and taking care of me. I had an enriched life, despite our initial lack of money. That is a miracle. My parents (and my pets, and my goals) are, together MY EVERYTHING. Gratitude. Balance. Best Life. That's what I'm after. Money is the tool to reach goals, not the goal itself. 8. Lastly, I want adventure....safe, but not so safe that it isn't fun. Exploring the world, writing, experiencing, living. This alone will keep me from getting sucked into any sexist bullshit or dysfunctional "love" vortex. When I achieve THAT, the desire to hurt myself, check out, or die will be OVER forever. I know this instinctively. That's the GP. Hell. I might become a GP. But, I'd prefer something more Housean, such as Pathology or Internal Medicine, I am the queen of my castle. But, to paraphrase Marley, that castle is in my MIND. To paraphrase Thoreau, my castles in the sky are the shit. Now they and I need a proper FOUNDATION. None of this is meant to be a mean dig at Jexi. I call you this because I know you as a unit. Who are each of you individually?(Also, I don't think either of you are notorious enough to be figured out by that alone, so I'm attempting discretion.) This is just my perspective. My truth. Thank you's to: Gino Dykstra, Amy, the therapist, Doctor Robert Wesner, Dr Widitz, Dr. Don St. John, and Linda the P.C, and all the people from Partial Hospitalization and STEPPS. If I forget someone, add yourself. Oh, Lori Parrish Niemi, Christina Morris Penn-Goetsch, William Niemi, Jexi, for helping me gain this insight, and Keith E Gatling. Weirdly, I am also grateful for that squirrelly, two-faced bastard, John Trachsel, who made himself useful for the first time ever, by convincing me to abandon my impulsive suicide gesture. He didn't know who he was talking to so he treated me like a person/ possible lay for a while and pretended to care, right up until the point where he learned he had called me. I could hear him backtracking because he doesn't want people to know he talks to me. When I called him out on this, he called me crazy, "retarded", and finally admitted that he didnt want people to know he talked to me. He, in a his glory thinks he's too good to talk to me? I have his mugshot on my hard drive, named "ThereISAGod.jpg." This is bullshit because most people have no problem acting like a god-damn human toward me. Anyway, this is proof that even a shmuck-a- fuck like him may sometimes do good things by accident. Of course, if he'd caught on quicker, I think that he would have hung up immediately. If he, for one second believed that I, Hanna Martin. was distraught, suicidal, and in need of help, hell, that was his goal anyway, right? But screw you, I didn't kill myself. My point is that even though you badly need therapy and other help, you are not completely useless. There may still be inpatient help for you and I no longer wish you dead. Thanks to all who have helped. One day at a time.