It's easy to guess when i go back to reading Baccano! again cause i feel th urge to see fanart right away. I love young Huey's design. And Monica looks so sweet. And Elmer, i love whenever Elmer shows up
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Had realizations recently. i got misgendered once recently and it bothered me, but i realized it mostly bothered me because I kept replaying it, obsessively thinking about it. i made myself stop when i realized that i was thinking about ONE moment of that entire day way too much, it wasnt even intentionally derogatory, just a stranger's assumption. And when i was younger i straight up didnt care, mostly because i hadnt RealizedTM yet, so i kinda lost that "idgaf" attitude towards strangers ideas of me and "passing." and like. yeah, i care. but i shouldnt let it get to me as much- which is something i am lucky to be able to do. im glad that i can find a happiness for myself without any healthcare.
because ive had this "who gives a shit about a strangers assumption everyone is always making four billion assumptions about eachother- even I do that, so why focus on ONE assumption about me out of the pile." and it gave me back that "I am me. I have my gender, i am nonbinary, and only close relationships get the details <3" attitude back which is GREAT im SO HAPPY right now like i even see "A Man" when i look in the mirror today.
i like pink i like glitter i like "feminine" elegance, extravagance, i like glamour makeup i like "goth fem-dom" for its aesthetic traits it gives me gender euphoria. i like my chest i like pushup bras i like being treated "nicely" i like being "admired" i like all of that. and im still a man, im still me.
so happy to be returning to my roots, who give a fuck what strangers assume about me, strangers assume shit about each other all the fucking time, thousands of times a day. why should i care about one single assumption out of the pile? i shouldn't! i only care about my own life experience, the intimate relationships i keep, and my reflection.
i want to feel good.
im gonna make this last for myself, finally.
There's no one in my life to force me backwards, I'm 23 now, I'm finally free of abuse and an awful situation.
I am finally living! so no more holding back "for" strangers and no more being held back by the concepts of passing or misgendering for me.
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I know this is absolutely none of my business, but I've been wondering for weeks.
Why do you bother to look at lily orchard opinions on everything ? I had never heard of her before, but from your posts and screenshots she seems like the kind of person I'd simply avoid.
I'm not saying "WELL DONT LIKE DONT LOOK" because well you're an adult and again its none of my business. But. It seems that she's been taking a lot of your mental space lately, and it must be a bit taxing to be so frequently upset because of someone you could just...ignore ?
I'm so sorry if it sounds like I'm lecturing you or something. I'm not, I'm just confused
It is understandable and I’m not upset. Mainly I just watch video essays while I’m at work. I’ve known about her before as she does have infamously terrible opinions but there’s been a lot more stuff abt her showing up recently bc of allegations coming out against her
I continue to watch the videos discussing her opinions and countering them bc 1. I’m a hater at heart I think 2. I actually rly like debate. Not that lily orchard is doing anything to actually have an active debate but I think making arguments against a point helps with understanding the subject more and gives a better appreciation for the subject. Example would be someone countering her arguments against Steven universe might lead to a better appreciation for Steven universe
I’ve been talking abt her on my blog mainly bc I’m a yapper and I worry if I bitch too much abt her to friends I’ll annoy them (or I’m already annoying them). If I yell into the void on here it doesn’t rly need a response. I’m not super mad by her bad opinions except in a few cases, mostly I just find her very embarrassing and kind of fascinating bc I’ve never seen someone say so many wrong things so frequently without being a complete nobody online or being a very clear outrage farming shill. She’s a step below ancient alien conspiracy theorists for me from how much nonsense she says
I had another weird phase of watching video essays with someone like onision. Eventually I’ll find a new YouTube rabbit hole to go down.
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