#i placed this essentially to be open to s1 -> progress day

[sinaeter]

        How unfortunate, though, perhaps it's just another false memory - a feeling of longing for someone who  hasn't existed  for some time now    ...    The serpent held their head a moment, shaking off this sense on unease. Within a moment, her stature returns to normal, as if nothing's happened. Eyes of slits looked to the officer, nodding in acknowledgement, in the least. This unfamiliar city, it must be a planet she's crossed into without giving much thought; meaning, there's a  reason  she's been brought here. Perhaps, another emanator lurks? Or rather, a threat is posed to these people - Aeon IX intends on consuming it, as well? Whatever the reasoning, there  is  a purpose    ...    time must'nt be so wasted.

         ❛ ❛  Ah,  I see. Well, that's alright. I've got another question to ask, instead    ...    excuse my forwardness, but has anything  strange  happened lately? The air seems    ...    tense. I'm  newer  to these parts, Miss    ...  ?  ❜ ❜ 

@sinaeter . . .

' I'm sorry — I haven't seen anyone fitting that description . Do you know where she might be heading ... ? '

[seiin-translations]

2.43 S1 Prologue - Cold Fingers

Index || Next

Thumb, index finger, and middle finger. Applying tape to those three fingers on both hands was now a semi-ritual. Because his constitution made it easy for his fingernails to get peeled off, he feared the overhand pass, and when his coach in elementary school said to him, “Chika, why don’t you try the overhand pass?”, he recoiled a little. Since then, it became a habit of his to tape for matches and practices everyday without fail. He didn’t think that it was really due to the taping that he unexpectedly enjoyed and become absorbed in the position of setter, which he knew he wasn’t good at, but even so, it became something essential to himself before he knew it.

However, at this moment—Haijima Kimichika had his usual taped hands thrusted into his empty team jersey pockets and was standing at the furthest back of the warm-up zone. His clenched fingers in his pockets were cold. He could feel the tape squeezing his fingers. Did he wrap them too tightly? It was a ritual he had performed the same way for years now. It was highly unlikely that he made a mistake in the amount of force he used now. But it really did feel tight. Since he was in the warm-up zone, he constantly moved his body in small movements, but his body heat didn’t reach his fingertips. It felt like his bloodstream was being blocked there. It wasn’t that it was chilly. The gym was filled with heat, and even the parents and guardians crowding the bleachers on the second floor were all taking off their coats. Banners proudly bearing the school’s name of “Meisei”, “Meisei Academy Middle School” and “Meisei Middle School Boys’ Volleyball Club” were hanging down on top of each other, but today they were extremely distracting.

And then, once more, the coldness of his fingers pulled at his consciousness. He felt anxious, wondering if he would be able to handle the ball in this condition. Should he rewrap them now? No, there might be a substitution call. After thinking that, a _tut _slipped from his mouth, knowing that it was a needless concern. The coach had plainly pronounced that he would not be used today. However, no matter how you looked at it, the game was progressing badly. _Is he really not going to put me in? _He was getting irritated. He felt like he was standing on the court, but his feet were stuck in the warm-up zone like this. Frustration was incessantly building up inside his body.

Another triple block. We can’t get over it—.

Even before the setter, Ikawa, set the ball up, Haijima could see the trajectory of the ball ahead of him. His offense was too monotonous. He was completely focused on the openings from earlier. Even an amateur could stop that.

Sure enough, it resulted in a stupidly straightforward hit against a neat triple block, and the ball was knocked down to right below the attacker. _Follow up! _Haijima shouted in his mind, but Ikawa stopped in his tracks. Cheers erupted from the enemy camp, and the screams of the mothers rose from their own team’s cheering party.

What’s the point of having a setter if you’re just gonna stand around there and give the left side a high one?  What’s he standing in that position for? He felt an impulse to step onto the court right now and drag Ikawa out of that spot. Why wasn’t he the one there right now, in the middle of the court, in the middle of the course of the ball. It seemed extremely unforgiveable to try to return the ball to the other side of the net without it go through his own hands.

The receive was messy and Ikawa didn’t get a good pass returned to him. As a result, they were left open again. Triple block. Shut out. While wiping the sweat that unusually continued to flow from his forehead with his uniform, Ikawa’s eyes went to the warm-up zone, as though seeking help. Tell that to the bench, not me, Haijima keenly thought. If you know that this is too heavy for you, tell the coach with your own mouth. Or tell that to all your moms who are just screeching irresponsibly and making noise on the second floor.

“For the time being, you’ll be removed from the starting lineup for tomorrow’s game.”

With those words from the coach, he was unbelievably benched. “For the time being,” with such a vague reason.

“Oh, I know it’s too much for Ikawa. But with this, Yoshino and the others, as well as the mothers, will be satisfied.”

Be satisfied? I can’t understand a coach who is about to throw away a game for something like that. Didn’t he want to win? It’s a match we can win if I’m out there. Just win and shut up those complaints from the parents’ association.

“Is Souta seriously not coming today…?”

He could hear the whispers exchanged by the other reserve members standing in the warm-up zone in the breaks between cheering on the court.

“He fought with Chika the day before yesterday, didn’t he? Did he say something to him then?”

“Something that’d make him skip the match?”

“Must have been harsh…”

They looked at him over their huddled shoulders. Haijima glared back at them, and they averted their gazes before their eyes met.

He was pretty sure he had a few arguments with Yoshino Souta. However, they were having a serious talk about the formation for the match and had clashing opinions, and Haijima had no intention of getting into a fight. And yet, Yoshino ran away from today’s match. Yoshino didn’t come, so Yoshino’s mother didn’t come either. And since the central figure of the parents’ association wasn’t there, the satisfaction is also halved, so there’s no point in dropping me from the starting lineup today. _I can only think that everyone’s holding me back. I didn’t do anything wrong…I shouldn’t have… His fingers were cold. _They were squeezed even tighter. He was beginning to feel like everything from his second joint onwards would necrotize and disappear at this rate.

An administrative staff approached his coach, who was pacing back and forth on the courtside like a bear protecting his den, tapped his shoulder, and whispered into his ear. The coach’s face changed, and he sat down on the bench and started calling somewhere on his phone. The warm-up zone was slightly abuzz with wondering what he was doing on the phone during a match.

The match was still progressing. Thanks to an opponent’s mistake, they got to serve and the rotation moved for the first time in a while. The libero, who was in the back row, exited the court and the center player ran back onto court in his place.

The coach waved the libero, Komukai, over. He still had his phone to his ear, but he seemed to be watching the court closely. After giving a few words of instruction to Komukai, who was on one knee in front of the bench, he gave the gesture of “You can go.” Komukai nodded, left the bench, and joined the warm-up zone.

“What’s going on?”

His teammates surrounded him as though they couldn’t wait any longer. Komukai glanced at Haijima, who was silently standing by himself at the back, and then answered them with a solemn look on his face.

“Apparently, he got in touch with Souta’s mom. From the hospital.”

“Hospital?”

“Souta was taken there in an ambulance…”

Cries of “What?” rose, and unrest ran through the warm-up zone.

Haijima also caught his breath, as one would expect. Hospital? Ambulance? Why? He didn’t run away…?

“I could make out a bit of his mom’s voice from Sensei’s phone, but…”

Komukai once again sent a meaningful glance at him. While gesturing for everyone around here to move their faces closer and tighten the circle, he moved his mouth distinctly despite that, as if he was deliberately letting Haijima hear as well.

“He cut them…his wrists.”

Saying so, he put his fingers to the inside of his wrist and made a slicing motion.

Index || Next

[rueitae]

Writing Roundup 2020

This is a writing reflection I’ve been doing for myself every year for the last four years. Its a positive boost to myself see how far I’ve come and look back on my progress for the past year and look forward to the new year. 

Everyone is welcome to use this same format if they’d like to do the same! 

~~~~~~~

Stats:

Words written:

330,000, which is nearly half of all the words I’ve written on Ao3 in the last three years. 

One Shots Posted (all fics plance unless otherwise stated):

In the Arms of the Ever(pink?) Tree (4463 words)

For the Plance Secret Santa exchange. Post s8 date/not date on a snowy moon. Love confession. 

Birthday Treats (2129 words)

For Pidge’s birthday this year! Domestic family fluff, breakfast in bed, plance kids.

Begin Again (Together) (4805 words)

Canon divergence from before episode one! Pidge and Lance are established dating when alien intervention brings them to where they are supposed to be: with the Blue Lion. Just a brief look into what the AU would look like. 

Common Ground (4521 words)

A treat for my friends who introduced me to Magic Knight Rayearth and pointed out some fun character parallels. There is this beautiful art Arya made to go with it because we’re all trash for both series. Plance meet up with Fuu and Ferio post series for both couples. 

Bonded To You (1808 words)

For the Langstron Halloween Exchange! Established plance with a baby Lance is trying to keep safe from a witch who would take advantage of the child’s heritage. 

It Tasted Good (6785 words)

Pikelavar for Pikelavar Month! The premise is crack, but it's mostly treated seriously. Pike ate the Jewel of Jitan by accident and doesn’t realize it until Haggar finds them. Meklavar gets Protective.

The Remainder of Days (3188 words)

Part of my Bad Things Happen Bingo. Fantasy AU where Pidge is a minor forest goddess and Lance is her neighbor mortal farmer. 

I Love You a Lily More Each Day (3232 words)

Another of the Bad Things Happen Bingo. Canon compliant where Lance is undercover at a flower shop and knee deep in an illegal smuggling operation. 

Lease on Life (4978 words)

This one was also part of Bad Things Happen Bingo and was an experiment. It’s POV of an oldest plance kid, canon verse. Her parents’ Paladin days come back to haunt them one night. Some cute family stuff too in there. 

Ready to Dance (4135 words)

For the Valentine’s Day exchange! Post series. Lance tries to get back into the party scene and Pidge rescues him from a disastrous night. 

Loopholes (5476 words)

Technically I didn’t write this fic this year, but a very kind reader asked if I would post this to Ao3, so it was my first fic of the year on Ao3. It’s Lotura! Originally a gift for a dear friend I’ve had since elementary school. It’s a fantasy AU where Lotor stumbles into Allura’s kingdom needing help. 

Next to Me (7311 words)

Also for Bad Things Happen Bingo, this is probably one of my favorite fics of the year. This is the canon verse AU that went all wrong in s7, and Sendak succeeds in destroying Earth. Lance and Pidge end up not only his prisoners, but also two of the last humans in the universe. Ends open ended, but it became a series in the end!

Into Me (14248 words)

The sequel to the above fic. There are two versions, this and the one below. The title tells all. Lance and Pidge come to terms with their new life aboard Sendak’s flagship and do their best to keep the other comforted.

Into Me (non-explicit version) (7228 words)

Exactly the same as the fic above, only this one is SFW

Sunshine (3831 words)

A Bad Things Happen Bingo! One of my favorite concepts. Canon verse. Pidge gets sick while she and Lance are on a scientific mission. 

Showoff (635 words)

A really short fic for a friend on their birthday, featuring their plance kids!

Respite of the Heart (4181 words)

A fic I have been wanting to write for a very long time. I love the concept of Pidge as a Disney Princess in the sense she has the forest guardian theme and all these animals love her. So there’s some play on that as the Paladins stop for lunch on their journey back to Earth in early s7. Lance comes to a realization and they have a chat surrounded by the animal friends. @anchoredtetherart did a phenomenal piece to accompany it. Please look at it in awe here.

The Hardest Part (3960 words)

For Bad Things Happen Bingo! An AU of the episode The Reunion where Pidge doesn’t return when she’s supposed to. 

A Planned Sacrifice (4988 words)

Another Bad Things Happen Bingo. Canon verse. Pidge assumes that being a sacrifice for the ‘forest god’ is strictly ceremonial and at worst a wild animal. It’s actually Sendak, who no one has seen since Shiro shot him out of the Castle. He remembers Pidge and is far too pleased to see her again, tied up on a silver platter. 

Almost Forgotten, but Not Gone (3946 words)

Bad Things Happen Bingo. AU sometime in s1 where Haxus isn’t as dead as Pidge thought. 

Touch (7519 words)

Written for the Lance Goes Boom bang! It was inspired by @fenixseraph ‘s amazing art here! It’s a different take on The Way Forward, where Pidge and Lance are separated from the rest of the team and placed in their own cell. And the Red Lion causes issues. 

Chaptered Fics started/added to:

Wolf In Thieves’ Clothing (4516 words)

An AU of The Castle of Cagliostro from Lupin the Third series. Lee, you have my thanks forever for making me watch this finally. Pidge is a literal princess whose kingdom is in the middle of an internal coup. Lance is a gentleman thief who rides with his best buds Hunk and Matt. Their paths are destined to cross again when Lance goes back to the castle he used to call home. 

Game of Love (4593 words)

The most crack of the bunch. AU of Fall the of the Castle of Lions where Sendak and Haxus get away with it all. Pidge and Lance are prisoners on Haxus’ new ship, and Lance finds an opportunity for eventual escape when he learns that Haxus has a crush on his second in command. Operation matchmaker begins. (happy ending planned for all)

What Tides May Bring (20704 words)

Collab with the fantastic @anchoredtetherart for MerMay! Established plance as mermaids and guardians of their elements with adorable mer child. Then angst because they are all captured by a ‘research’ institute. 

Seasons of Magic (16546 words)

I actually added a chapter this year! Ongoing collection of one-shots with mage Pidge who lives in the country and cultivates her plant magic and makes potions with the assistance of her dragon familiar, Lance. Mostly domestic fluff. 

Too Soon and Not Soon Enough (11438 words)

Added another chapter this year to my Keith-centric AU. It’s basically VLD but five years early and they’re all literally child Paladins. Keith gets to meet Krolia earlier and its fun to go into tween friendships as they try and navigate the reality of their situation. 

Seeds (48833 words)

Added a ton earlier this year. A collection of plance fics all or mostly under 500 words. All meant to be adopted by others if interest strikes. Covers many genres.

Chaptered Fics Finished:

Resolve to Fly (75799 words)

Written for the Pidge Angst Bang. My artist @alchemie0 did an outstanding job capturing the feel of the fic. Look at the art here! Canon verse AU where Pidge encounters Haxus, who has crashed on Earth. She helps him repair his ship in excitement and good faith, which he pays back by kidnapping her. For two years she survives as little more than a housepet on Sendak’s ship. Gen.

Who's Protecting Who? (28989 words)

Also technically not written this yeah, but posted. A collab with Hush waaaay back in 2018. It's a plance Altean AU with Pidge as distant royalty and Lance as a bodyguard.

A Dish Served Cold (21533 words)

Finally finished this one! Canon verse in which Pidge accidentally runs into Sendak on an isolated planet. Sendak takes advantage of this encounter and tries to return to the Empire with her in tow. Much Pidge whump. Gen

Reflections: 

Best title 

I still really really love Too Soon and Not Soon Enough (11438 words). Because it's too soon for the Paladins to be Paladins, and for Keith it's not nearly soon enough for Krolia to return. It just feels like it has a lot of heart to it. I hope I can keep it going, but my ideas are incredibly scattered for it. 

Worst title 

Touch (7519 words). Yeah it’s a play on ‘Don’t you touch her’ but it feels soooo dry. 

Best/worst last line

Best: This was really, really hard choice this year, but ultimately, making up for the terrible title, its Touch (7519 words) 

“It feels good to escape the ship with all of his teammates, secure in the knowledge that he has a way forward not just as a Paladin, but also with Pidge.” 

- Not only did I manage to fit the title of the episode in there, it's got that hopeful tinge to it and reflects on personal growth both internally and with Pidge. 

Worst: This one isn’t necessarily bad from Begin Again (Together) (4805 words), but it could be better. It didn’t get quite the epic sense I was hoping to pull from it.

“Okay,” he smirks, hand firmly on the throttle. “Operation save Earth starts now.”

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

Definitely wrote way more. Even with posting two fic that are essentially the exact same, I still ended up writing nearly half of my total Ao3 word count this year. (330,000/670,000). Doing Bad Things Happen Bingo was a bit part of that - I was very inspired at the beginning of this year - but also there were many events I participated in (8 total!!) on top of my personal projects. 

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

A really hard decision this year, because there are several that make me really happy. I think oddly enough though, it’s Game of Love (4593 words) because of its potential and how much crack it is. It has such whacky rom-com energy to it but also that underlying angst of the situation I can fall back on. My favorite trope to explore is what happens to the characters when they’re captured. I just really enjoy the concept and the challenge to make such a concept believable with minimal suspension of belief. 

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

Using kudos as my gauge (and not counting the chapter fics), the winner is: 

Respite of the Heart (4181 words)

Not surprising because Ivy’s art is STUNNING.

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

I think that’s It Tasted Good (6785 words), the pikelavar fic. Pikelavar is underappreciated in general

Story that could have been better?

For all I was excited to write Sunshine (3831 words), it didn’t quite fall the way I had imagined in my mind. I don’t know if it was the structure or I was running out of steam or what. All i know is that I wanted more but all I could concentrate on was that scene where he’s caring for her in bed. Maybe I was just too ambitious.

Sexiest story?

No brainer it's Into Me (14248 words). Literally. Which really shocked me that it happened. Didn’t think I’d write any smut at all, let alone this year. This particular fic just kinda called out for it 

Saddest story?

The prequel to the above fic: Next to Me (7311 words). How much more sad can you get than Earth being destroyed, being Sendak’s prisoners all while trying to tell each other ‘i love you’ without seeming weird because you’re the last humans in the universe. 

Most fun?

I think it's Ready to Dance (4135 words). Just Valentine’s fluff and impromptu slow dancing in the park at night. 

Story with single sweetest moment?

I’m picking What Tides May Bring (20704 words). Listen, mer Lance and mer Pidge playing with their mer baby in their domestic paradise is probably one of my favorite things I’ve ever written. Dad Lance has my heart. 

Hardest story to write?

The last chapter of A Dish Served Cold (21533 words) was like pulling teeth. I’m pretty happy with it in the end but at the time man it was so hard. 

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

I wrote smut. It was...weird? But also strangely calming. I wrote more for another fic but it's still a WIP. I definitely need to be in the mood to write it. 

Proudest Achievement:

The Pidge Angst Bang. Resolve to Fly (75799 words). Look at that word count. I only wanted something under 3k at first, so it was just going to be Pidge meeting Haxus. But by the time I finished that part it was already 10k. So even though I was going through a rough part of my life, I just kept going and it ended up being my therapy. I’m really proud of the fic and I love my artists’ pieces. It really lifted my spirits. (You should all really go check out the Ao3 collection of all the bang stories and art they are AMAZING you won’t regret. If you love Pidge angst they are all must reads.)

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

I’d like to finish my Bad Things Happen Bingo card and then focus on my current WIP, that includes the Seeds collection. There are days I still feel a bit overwhelmed, and I’m still trying to find a routine after moving. I’d like to do more events too, but I think I need to be more selective about which ones I do. I don’t want to burn myself out. 

Apart from that, I’d really like to try and give back to the community more. I’d like to start consciously writing fics for others without an event to go by. 

Past Years:

2017

2018

2019

[empty-dream]

So I read 86 LN vol 1

S1 anime covers the entire Vol 1 except for the latter's epilogue, so full anime spoiler here.

And as of this writing, I'm still on Vol 2 so the things I mention here are solely those that happen in Vol 1. Idk if a thing happens in the latter volume, gotta dodge spoiler so I don't browse about it.

There was an interview with a person inside the anime industry that basically said "The point of an anime adaptation is not to be an exact replica of the original material, but to shine as its own medium for a story." I forgot who it was and I can't find the interview anywhere for the life of me, but that statement opened my eyes. I agree with it, that's why I can appreciate the differences between LN/manga and anime, especially if they turn out good and/or interesting.

And that's exactly what happens in 86. I'll start with this: I watched the anime first, and after I read the Vol1 novel, I actually like the anime more. Because there are a lot of meaningful original scenes in it

And because the Vol1 novel turns out exactly what I fear when I first watched the anime: that I won't care much about the squadron aside from the main 5. (Look, the anime promotional materials mostly only have Lena and those 5 only. As shocked as I was in the anime, I did have an idea where the story would go from those alone). The rest are barely mentioned. Not even the girls are named in the novel, even though they do talk and Lecca is even prominent in anime.

For example, the second half of the first episode, the one that shows Spearhead squadron's daily life right before Lena contacts them, is anime original scenes. Kujo already dies the moment the novel starts focusing on the squadron. Simply put, a lot of the squadron members that aren't the main 5 or Kaie get a *lot* more focus in the anime, like Daiya, Haruto (For characters who appear on the introduction page, their novel screen time is less than I'd expect), Kujo and Lecca. While the other members often appear in the background and actually behave like equal members instead of glue-them-on figurines.

(Idk if those other members are named and/or designed in the light novel before the anime is a thing or when the anime becomes a thing.)

The anime also adds relevant information in the Raiden's talk with Lena in EP7, like Kaie receiving racial abuse from 86 (in fact in both versions, she is the first one to get highlighted about this) and Haruto also having prominent Giadian Empire blood like Anju and Shin. These weren't in the novel.

I might be just nitpicking here because I love Kaie and Haruto, but see, this scene is amazing on its own. This is where Raiden and the squad reveal the weight of their motivation all along, that they *each* have different backgrounds and different kinds of sufferings, yet they are all sentenced to die, and they all choose to fight because they know no side is saintly but some things are still worth fighting for.

The prominent characters' deaths (besides Kaie's) are often mentioned with only one or two dry lines. I expected at least Daiya's to be detailed more, but it's just that so matter-of-fact-ly. Well I came from the anime, so I guess it's normal if I expected something as heartbreaking.

I broke down HARD at the last half of EP10 and that is nowhere in the Vol 1 novel. (Having Hands Up to the Sky playing in the background is also an advantage for being an anime. Fuck that song, I now play it 24/7 in despair)

Having a lot of original anime scenes really complement the story's nature. That there are two different sides of life here, it's not just Lena's or 86's only. And those couldn't have intertwined if not for their willingness to listen and communicate.

I know I mentioned this some days ago but really, I can't get over how many of the merch are Lena (and Annette) being cute doing cute stuff while the story itself is actually depressing. Merch staffs know the market lol.

- Novel side -

That said, the novel does have an advantage that the anime/visual media doesn't: Internal explorations and explanations.

It's obvious from the get-go, but Asato confirms that the inspiration of Republic of San Magnolia and its racial discrimination and genocide is taken from Nazi Germany in WW2. The Republic who favors the white/silver haired-eyed Alba drives Colorata out of the 85 sectors, overtakes their properties, and forcibly sends the now-called-86 to either fight their war and die, or work on the wall and die.

The life inside the Republic is also elaborated on. Class always exists, even inside one race only. The center of the republic is for the elites, Lena and Annette's families included. The farther a sector is from the center, the lower the education and economy there is. Most of the military come from these areas, which explains why Lena herself is in difficult situation. Since no one in the military is either capable or willing to bring change.

It's *insane* how easily the Republic could create such vile lies, and how easily the majority of the citizens go along with it.

Gotta admit, Asato does a good job at foreshadowing the fate of the 86, the truth that we can only see after Ep7 of anime. It is mentioned that supposedly, 86 soldiers will be welcomed back once their 5-years term is up. Lena once wonders about it, but ultimately she buys it thinking that surely they must have come back to another sector. She only realizes it's utter bullshit after Annette points out how, 9 years later, they have never seen even one Colorata inside the Republic when they should have seen at least some. This also shows that Lena has never ventured to the other sectors to find out more, probably due to work or maybe she's still a sheltered noblewoman in the end.

And the mentality of the majority of Alba is shown differently. Whereas the anime uses the academy classroom to show how deeply rooted the racism against 86 is, the novel uses Lena's mother who a) more or less does the same as the classroom, and b) presses Lena to get married and preserve their pure noble bloodline. This, when the nobility doesn't actually mean anything anymore. This version shows not only Alba's racism but also Lena's strained family life.

There is a scene of an Alba high school valedictorian who, during his graduating speech, says “My friends died fighting the Legion.” I’m not sure this will make it to the anime, and it’s just a minor scene in the novel, but the weight of that scene is heavy.

The science of Para-Raid is explained, which has something to do with tapping the collective consciousness of humanity and connecting it to one another. A bit far-etched but I guess that works, science fiction and all. But I like the part where despite (or maybe because?) of connecting via hearing only, the other senses are faintly receptive as well. For example, one can sense that the other side is biting their lips in frustration, something like that. Of course, actual real life things like sensing the hidden bitterness or elation in a talking partner's words are present, this being a story where listening matters.

The novel elaborates on Raiden's stay with the Alba old woman. He calls her Old Hag, but it's clear he greatly respects her. The part where she screams and curses in the middle of the road at the Republic soldiers who take Raiden and the other children away stays in Raiden's mind forever, and so it does to me. Ngl it is quite a chilling scene.

Same with the story of the previous Laughing Fox, Theo's Alba commander. It turns out, the entirety of Theo's first squadron didn't like him at all and bet on how fast he'd tuck tail and run back to the Republic. When he faced his death the way Theo explained, he sent a message to Theo revealing he knew about it and knew his place to not ask for acknowledgment or forgiveness. This made Theo regret why he didn't try to talk more with his commander and he keeps thinking about it forever. Now it makes even more sense why Theo, blunt as he is, is willing to listen to Lena and when he snaps, he wonders if his late commander would do the same.

What actually happens in Kurena's backstory is also touched upon. While in the anime some viewers could think "Man, I get where you're coming from but chill out." The novel graphically shows her parents being toyed on by the Alba soldiers while her sister protected her, the two could only watch, and then the same sister got sent to the battlefield to die. Now at that, anyone would think "Man, no wonder she can't chill out. Not with all that trauma."

I also like the addition that Lena can sense Kurena is the one who dislikes her the most.

The novel describes greatly that it isn't just Alba and Non-Alba. Essentially speaking, Non-Alba is called Colorata, and they consist of different race groups as well. Just as Alba is associated with the color silver/white, the other race have their associated colors as well. Asato assigns races to the named members in Vol1 and what their distinguished color features are. This also explains why Anju is exiled despite looking like an Alba.

It's a question that I pondered on when I first saw Shin's armor plates, and that I pondered harder on when Chise died: What happens if there is no armor plate to carve its processor's name's on? So it turns out Shin would substitute it with anything; piece of wood or some random piece of metal. For Chise's case, Raiden, Chise's leader, suggested using the wing of Chise's in-progress airplane model. Which did my heart so bad because I'm strangely fond of Chise and finding out that in his spare time in his limited lifespan, he was working on an airplane model made me sob.

I'm not particularly into mecha, and could care less about how it moves. But Asato did a good job describing the fight between a glorified suicide car and a line of brand-new solid A-grade tanks. Special mention to I-IV because wow the concept arts for all the mechas are so cool, even though I don't really understand. (Asato even said to I-IV "Go draw a tank so horrible it's stupid for the Juggernaut" and I-IV came up with the current Juggernaut)

You know how the Republic greeting is "Glory to San Magnolia and the five-colored flag"? I won't disclose who says this in what situation, but there is someone of Colorata saying "If you hate colors so much, you should have just colored your flag white" AND OOOH THE BURN SO HOT HOT HOT

Tl;dr: Bottom line is, I personally enjoy Vol 1 because I already watched the anime and got attached to it. If I were to read the vol 1 first, most likely I wouldn't fall this hard for the series. Hell, maybe I wouldn't even pick it up in the first place because I knew it'd be depressing. But this is not to say that the LN is bad. It’s very good, it just does not really touch the lives of other soldiers whereas that’s the very thing that I love from the anime.

[mydearjonah]

The Magnus Archives & MBTI Part 1 -- Jon & Martin

Hello. When I was a depressed 19-year old, I hyperfixated on the Meyers-Briggs personality typing system in an effort to solve all of my interpersonal problems.(1) It didn’t work, but ever since then I have been cursed both with deep, useless knowledge and searing, useless opinions. In the hopes that sharing my terrible burden with others will allow me to one day find the rest I so desire, I would like to introduce you today to what is, as far as I can tell, the first dedicated MBTI typing post in this fandom.(2) 

The hyperfixation ran deep, so I am trying to make this as intelligible as possible. If you so desire it, this is a great general resource for typing. If you have opinions or thoughts, PLEASE share them. Much like a fear avatar slurps up people’s trauma, I am sustained in part by healthy, albeit occasionally heated, debates over MBTI types. You should have seen the time I typed Kanye West on Reddit.(3) 

Jonathan Sims -- INTP  Confidence Level: 90% Certainly (at the very least): IxTx

It is easy and tempting to type Jon Sims as an INTJ. After all, he certainly fits many of the stereotypes: bookish, awkward, out of touch with his feelings and his environment, with a tendency to come off as overly critical. I am not saying that this typing is necessarily wrong, but I do not think that it should be taken for granted.

Jon is clearly an introvert and a thinker (IxTx). It is tempting to type him as an intuitive as well, but I caution against this and suspect that it is an example of intuitive bias. Certainly I do not believe that he has the kinetic knowledge and energy of an ISTP – he hasn’t done a single damn thing in this entire podcast to make me think that he has any higher-level grasp of Extroverted Sensing (Se), the function an ISTP uses most confidently to interact with the outer world – but, if INTJ is in consideration, ISTJ should not be written off.

ISTJs and INTJs use the same auxiliary function, Extroverted Thinking (Te), to interact with their environments. Te is often characterized as being cold, clinical, unfeeling, and pragmatic: essentially, how Jon comes off in the early series, especially S1. The difference between them is their dominant function, or their primary way of existing and processing information. ISTJs are led by Introverted Sensing (Si), which is best conceived of as a “web” (haha) of past experiences and sensory details that a user can access when making decisions. INTJs are led by Introverted Intuition (Ni), which is a largely unconscious and abstract style of pattern-sensing which feeds a user insights about the world around them. For Jon, I think that fair arguments could be made either way for dom Si or dom Ni. Does Jon rely more on what has come before (ISTJ) or what may come next (INTJ) to guide his thinking? It could be either, in my opinion, and it is especially difficult to tell because the Beholding itself is an EXTREMELY Ni domain. As the series progresses, Jon’s choices and behavior are colored so thoroughly by his patron that it is difficult to separate evidence of natural Ni intuition from plain old Beholding intuition.  

So, with this in mind, why have I typed him as an INTP of all things? It all comes down to the INTP’s inferior function, Extroverted Feeling (Fe). Your inferior function is the thing that you use but aren’t very good at – it tends to be what gets you into trouble. Fe is best understood as a natural awareness of other people’s emotions as well as the privileging of group values over individual values, so inferior Fe users tend to be sensitive to other people but not super great at actually interacting with them. It is tempting to type Jon as an IxTJ because he comes off like a high Te user at first, but it’s pretty well-established at this point that he’s projecting that persona due to his insecurities. This, in my opinion, is classic inferior Fe. He knows that there is a broader group expectation for his behavior in his new position, but he is (a) too out of his depth to project it naturally and (b) not savvy enough to find a middle ground so he overcompensates and comes off like an asshole. So many of his interpersonal problems stem from this same issue. He clearly cares deeply about group values, other people, and their opinions of him but he struggles to read social situations well and is then caustic as a defense mechanism.(4) So much of his emotional growth has been about him being softer and kinder, even as he grows more monstrous, and to trust others, especially Martin… that’s an inferior Fe narrative.

Once you’ve nailed INTP as his type because of the inferior Fe, I think that everything else falls into place. INTPs lead with Introverted Thinking (Ti), which is a logic-based, internal system of categorization, and they interact with the external world through Extroverted Intuition (Ne), which is a creative, abstract, “idea machine” approach to environmental analysis. In essence, INTPs are logical, systems thinkers (Ti) who basically try out new ideas by throwing them at the wall and seeing if they stick (Ne). I think that describes Jon far more accurately than the IxTJ approach, which tends to be far more reserved and calculated.

Martin Blackwood -- ISFJ Confidence Level: 70% Certainly (at the very least): IxFx

I have found Martin to be a particularly challenging character to type. After a great deal of thinking, and some helpful input from @twinliches, I have gone with ISFJ. 

Martin is an introvert whose primary mode of interaction with the external world is through Extroverted Feeling (Fe). He cares primarily about the group and is sensitive to its dynamic, he has a good read on other people’s emotions, and he is able to easily maneuver through interpersonal situations to his own benefit and the benefit of those he cares about. But what is this Fe working conjunction with? As a prominent Fe user and an introvert, Martin’s only two options are to have dominant Introverted Sensing (Si), which would make him an ISFJ, or dominant Introverted Intuition (Ni), which would make him an INFJ. So, does Martin rely on a “web” (badumtssh) of past experiences to connect with others (Si), or is he using a more unconscious, forward-thinking intuition to do so (Ni)?

It is extremely tempting to type Martin as an INFJ, but, honestly, I think that do so is an example of intuitive bias. His actual choices – how he moves through the world and comes to conclusions, the way that he relates to others, the things that he fears – strike me far more as dominant Si than dominant Ni. Although he may not always broadcast it, Martin is shrewd and observant when it comes to interpersonal relations, and his grounded, real-world knowledge of how people are acting, how similar situations have played out in the past, and what details others are missing is what allows him to so consistently outmaneuver the big bads. A Ni user may come to similar conclusions, but they just don’t get there in the same way. Martin is also invested in maintaining social harmony by providing a sense of stability, which is a classic ISFJ move. INFJs are more likely to promote social harmony by using their Ni insights and Fe people skills to actively influence group dynamics for what they believe is the better. Martin doesn’t really ever do that – instead, he works to make sure that everyone is taken care of, whether that means bringing them tea, dragging them out to lunch or for drinks, or sacrificing himself to the Lonely so Peter leaves Jon alone.

I anticipate that one potential criticism of my Martin typing will be in regard to the inferior function. ISFJs and INFJs have different inferior functions: ISFJs have inferior Extroverted Intuition (Ne), which means they can struggle with open-endedness and have a tendency to catastrophize, and INFJs have inferior Extroverted Sensing (Se), which means they struggle with being in touch with their physical environment and can overindulge in sensory activities. People with inferior Se often have difficult relationships with their physical forms, and Martin’s canon and fanon body image issues certainly fit the bill. But inferior Se users are not the only ones who struggle with their bodies, and, overall, I don’t think the INFJ’s broader function stacking fits Martin as well as ISFJ does. Plus, I think there is just as much, if not more, evidence for manifestations of inferior Ne from Martin.

To wrap it all up, here is my final Martin take: Martin is an ISFJ who, if he knows anything about the MBTI, thinks that he is an INFJ. He was probably accurately typed on whatever popular test he took, but he read some anti-Sensor bullshit that included a hackneyed portrayal of Si, thought “I’m not boring and conservative… I can’t actually be an ISFJ! I must be an INFJ.” For a time, he even has “INFJ” in his Twitter bio. Sometimes he wonders if he’s mistyped because he doesn’t totally relate to the stray descriptions of Ni-Se that he comes across… but he figures that, if he is, he’s probably actually an INFP. He really likes their whole aesthetic… artsy, sensitive, caring, intuitive, and his favorite poets are INFPs. What he’s really vibing with here is their Si-Ne, which he can relate to… because as an ISFJ, he also uses those same functions! If post-series Martin is alive (and living happily with his husband, Jonathan Blackwood-Sims, of course), I bet that his increased self-knowledge and confidence will allow him to solidly write “ISFJ” in that online bio. I want that for him. And for all of you ISFJs out there, too!

On a personal note, I also really love ISFJ Martin/INTP Jon in the context of the ship. ISFJs and INTPs use the same functions, just in a different order! They can connect by sharing their Ti and Si thoughts and insights. Jon can help Martin develop his Ne, and Martin can (and already has!!) help Jon develop his poor inferior Fe by giving him an example of a much stronger, far healthier one. It is just *chef’s kiss*

Up next: Jonahlias, Peter, and Gertrude!

--

(1) The actual answer to my interpersonal problems was therapy and life experience. Who knew!

(2) If I’m wrong, let me know. We all know how useless the Tumblr search function is, and I also couldn’t find anything indexed on Google besides the Personality Database. 

(3) Kanye West is an ESTP, btw. 

(4) I’m not saying that Fi users don’t do this, but I think you tend to see more & genuinely meant “I don’t give a fuck” from them because they’re operating a little more on their own wavelength. I’m not sure if Jon knows himself as well as a Fi user, even an inferior Fi user, does.

[kinetic-elaboration]

February 3: 2x05 The Apple

Today’s ep: The Apple!

I feel like people who enjoy hating on TOS probably especially hate The Apple but I like it and will defend it so--haters be gone.

I do think it’s an uncomfortable episode and asks questions with no good answers, but that’s a plus, not a minus, for it.

I love this red sky. It’s very alien.

Okay so Starfleet wants the planet explored and “the inhabitants contacted.”

I can’t believe Spock, who must know that Kirk has unrealistic fantasies of a simple, romantic life outside of the demands of Starfleet, just happens to mention that the soil is “good for husbandry.” Like “This would be a great place to settle down and farm, Captain. no reason for saying so. Just thought you should know." And Kirk tries to capitalize on this flirting and Spock doesn’t get it.

Bones is so personally affronted that Chekov thinks of Russia, not Eden.

This Yeoman is all up on Chekov.

Scotty angling for an invite to the surface.

Kirk picking flowers! Smelling the flowers! He is soft and likes plants.

“This isn’t a field experiment in human biology.” First lol. Second... isn’t it a little though?

“I know you find each other fascinating.” Interesting word choice there.

Sorry yet a third bullet point on Daddy Kirk telling the young people to calm themselves down it’s hilaaaaarious.

I love Spock in this episode. He’s always at his best when he gets to turn his scientific curiosity to stuff. Because like he loves new, weird stuff but he’s also very funny about it. “An analysis of this rock should prove interesting.” Then he just throws the other half away! And it explodes! And he’s not even embarrassed, he just thinks the explosion is cool.

Ugh this is one of my favorite underrated K/S moments: the “Jim!” the “Spock!” Spock putting himself in danger for Kirk. Kirk being grumbly about Spock being hurt. Concerned space husbands.

“Spock has been injured...this is a nightmare.”

Honestly, I love everything about this triumvirate scene too. “Dr. McCoy’s potions turn my stomach.” Spock’s clumsiness (he really isn’t graceful lol... I sometimes think people want to imagine he is, but he is NOT). “Do you know how much Starfleet has invested in you?”

I legit jumped at the explosion.

“His father helped me get into the Academy.” Interesting. How? What help did he need?

“I could have prevented all of this.” / “I don’t see how.” Spock is so....he’s so emotional about defending Kirk’s decisions and making Kirk feel better.

“As my father told me, Starfleet is dangerous.”

...I’m sorry I’m getting so many Spock and Kirk and K/S feelings right now.

This Spock and Chekov distraction conversation is hilarious. “Uh--you’re dumb!”

That’s not very nice, Kirk, just punching the confused humanoid.

“Vaal is Vaal” reminds me of that Daria episode with “Val.” “I’m Val, as in, VAL!”

“We come in peace,” says the man who just punched him.

Antennae! Spock wants to touch the interesting alien.

Scotty knows more about the Enterprise than the people who designed her.

Fire AND burned up in flames? Not a good day for Scotty.

Great Vaal design. This is not an ironic comment.

Not a good day for Spock either. That’s injury... 2?? Force field that knocks him on his ass.

“We have been introduced to Vaal.”

Don’t tell Sybok you met god.

“Vaal sleeps now.” Poor sleepy Vaal.

“Replacement” is a better word than children tbh.

“What is love?” Chekov just slides on in like HINT HINT.

McCoy lol. “No sex?? That’s not paradise to me!”

“It really does something for you.” / “Indeed it does. It makes me uncomfortable.”

Now everyone is laughing at him! A super bad day for Spock all around.

I do think he likes the decorations in the hut though.

McCoy is still wearing the flower decorations <3

The feeding of Vaal is so creepy. The machine needs to eat! At first I didn’t really get what they were feeding him, but my mom suggested it was the explosive rocks and I think that makes sense.

“Humans are only a tiny minority in the galaxy.”

The last time they thought they’d found aliens who were making no progress they’d actually found the Organians, who were BEYOND progress, so perhaps they should have learned by now not to be so hubristic in their judgements.

I like the philosophical argument and I like that they had it on prime time network tv.

I also think it’s interesting that Spock likes this kind of way.

Honestly, can you even imagine being a young Starfleet officer and you’re assigned to the Enterprise and KIRK is your Captain? And you end up on an away mission with him and he asks your opinion about the aliens? I think I’d find him intimidatingly cool. I’d probably have a big Captain Crush on him.

Kirk really walked his way into this awkward sex conversation though.

Hilarious how he asks Spock to explain sex lol--when he knows what sex convos with Spock are like. I mean that’s probably why he did it but still.

Spock probably WISHES he’d learned about sex from a machine. Rather than Sarek. Or Amanda.

His eyeshadow is a lot more subtle this season. (I know this is just the makeup team learning how to do makeup for tv but I’m going to assume it’s a choice.)

Chekov is so smooth lol.

PAV.

Can’t believe Chekov literally taught the aliens sex.

“Killing is a thing to do.” Well I mean... you’re not WRONG.

I think McCoy has a point that it is creepy and weird for a machine to control an apparently intelligent race so utterly that it can teach them how to kill without also teaching them what killing means, essentially turning them into mindless killing machines.

Like, Spock is up on his high horse about them becoming more human by learning how to kill and I guess technically that’s something they wouldn’t have learned but for the Enterprise interference but... it doesn’t come from them pulling away from the machine. It’s not that the machine spell is broken and the first thing they learn to do is kill. The machine taught them that FOR ITS OWN PURPOSES. Not even the murder is a choice.

“They exist to serve a machine.”

“They should have the opportunity of choice.”

I can’t believe Kirk can outright carry Spock. He’s gotta be heavy. (Also...injury 3?)

“Put them in the hut. They’re in time out.”

Poor Jim... feeling guilty again. "I had to follow orders...always orders." But he's a rebellious person who doesn't care about rules right???

Oh no, the aliens are escaping! “Get back in there. No. Back in there.” (That’s actual dialogue btw.)

I find it weird that they still have phaser power. Weren’t they diverting everything but life support?

Poor hungry Vaal.

Honestly, I do feel bad for them. This is a really sad situation in a lot of ways. Also, awkward. Like...not even going to explain kids to them? Just let them figure it out? That’s actually nighmarish in my opinion.

The ending is really awkward imo because the last bits of triumvirate dialogue usually do simplify the week’s adventure, which I get, but this one defies simplification, and so literally painting Spock as the villain for holding the opinion that didn’t win the day--especially when his metaphor is apt and Kirk IS the devil in it--seems very mean, not within the realm of casual friendly joking that they usually do.

Apparently Den of Geek compared this ep unfavorably to Return of the Archons, which I actually think is one of the weakest eps of S1 and not as good as The Apple. I think part of it is that the dialogue and adventure of The Apple is preferable to me, though I guess one could argue that Archons had a more evolved and interesting alien society, who were in a position to have opinions about their computer overlord. But it also had weird unexplained stuff like the purge or what-have-you, and my overall memory of the ep is that it didn’t really come together. One could argue The Apple doesn’t either, but in my opinion what it leaves open are more questions of world building than basic facts. Perhaps a splitting of hairs. Because the aliens in The Apple don’t (can’t) have opinions, I think the moral question is more complicated and defies a good solution.

Whether or not the Enterprise should have interfered with the Feeders of Vaal is a complicated question I think.

First of all, as it actually worked out, they had to in order to free themselves. But that makes me wonder...why were they there? Kirk is upset with himself in this ep for losing 3 officers and putting his ship in danger, more than interfering with the culture, but he IS upset with himself and I think it’s because his instincts were right, and he didn’t listen to them. The mission isn’t important. It isn’t worth everything that happened, to be honest.

So I’m uncertain about why Starfleet sent them on it. They’re not just there to look around an uninhabited planet or the uninhabited parts. They’re there to make contact with the people--which means they know there are people there! And like in one sense this isn’t weird, right, because the Enterprise’s mission is one of exploration--to make new friends for the Federation. But I feel like they should really only be seeking out relationships with aliens who are ready for them. You can’t beam down onto a planet of people who haven’t heard of space travel and NOT interfere with them. That’s interference! So you’d have to do some surveillance first. So either the Enterprise/Federation didn’t do that surveillance or they misjudged what they were seeing. 

Of course, a society can not itself have space travel and still be open to alien visitors (like the Organians). So maybe they determined the Feeders of Vaal were in this category. And then I would think the role of the Federation vessel would be to determine if their society is the kind that the Federation could establish some kind of diplomatic relationship with. In my opinion, if it hadn’t been for the danger to the Enterprise, the correct thing for the Enterprise to do would be to leave the Feeders of Vaal and report back that they aren’t a suitable race for the Federation to ally with in any way, because their values aren’t the Federation’s values: they don’t think independently. I don’t think it’s the place of the Federation to MAKE their values match but I do think it’s fair to judge others by your core values, because they’re CORE values for a reason.

In other words, I do think it’s fair for McCoy to judge the Feeders of Vaal harshly and to think it’s wrong in some objective sense for intelligent humanoids to live with no history, no love, no families, no purpose, no creativity, no innovation, and no independent thoughts. I mean that’s pretty awful in a lot of ways!! Again, I think the ease with which Vaal turns them into weapons is very chilling. Because they lack so many basic concepts, they’re extremely malleable. That’s gross.

But Spock is right too... They do have a society that works. Their planet is beautiful, they have enough to eat and drink, they’re peaceful, and they seem happy, to the extent that they can be happy. They can’t die, they’re in good health, and they’re protected from all natural dangers.

Also, the Enterprise really doesn’t know what their society used to be or how they ended up with this version of a society. So when they kill Vaal and undo all of that, they don’t really know what they’re returning the people too. I think it’s irresponsible to just say ‘you’ll figure it out.’ And it is arrogant, to assume it just will work out, and what they’ll build now will be better than what they had with Vaal. The culture has been pretty clearly decimated by Vaal and so perhaps none of them can even recall what it used to be like. (I think this is an open question.. they don’t know “kill” or “sex” or “love” or “children” but they can refer to a “dark time” so....do they remember the details of the dark time??) But generally speaking, people tend to be experts in themselves. And so perhaps no one is an expert because the information is just lost, but certainly in no case are Kirk and McCoy experts.

In other words, someone built Vaal for a reason. He’s a machine so he didn’t just come to be. So the question is who built him and why? It’s possible that it wasn’t this society at all. I mean, there could have been another society who built Vaal and then died, and then these people took over. But I think the more likely explanation is that they built Vaal themselves, or, possibly, their parents built Vaal for them as children. Given that Vaal seems to have a lot of power over the physical planet--the killer plants, the lightning from the sky--that McCoy mentions that the computer protects them from the harmful rays of the sun, and that the people specifically praise Vaal as being the one who gives them food and “provides” for them, I think their paradise of a planet, without the computer, was probably very harsh. Kirk says it’s not so hard to gather fruit and Spock points out the good qualities of the soil but what if these things really do COME FROM Vaal and now, without the computer, they go away?

I’m not sure how the people came to be so dependent on Vaal or to have lost so much of whatever advanced culture they must have once had to create a computer like this (again, assuming it was them...). Maybe they had to spend so much time “feeding” Vaal that they forgot everything else. Maybe Vaal realized on its own that it couldn’t support a population any bigger than this and so forbid sex and reproduction. Maybe the turning point was in the attachment of the antennae, when the computer ceased to serve the people but to be served by them. But my point is that I think the computer was not created to for the purpose of people serving it, so much as it was created for some other unknown purpose and the society the Enterprise encountered was an accidental unintended long-term consequence of its actual purpose. And I don’t find this hard to believe, given both the sketchiness of AI (it does not think like humans!!!!!! very scary!) and the general inevitability of unintended consequences.

I think this ep is pretty relevant to today specifically because its unanswerable core question--how does a freedom-loving society react to a society that choose not to be free? can it respect another’s choice not to have choices anymore?--is similar to a common question floating about now: can a tolerant society tolerate intolerance itself? (The answer to that is no, and I feel like it might be no to the first question too, when phrased that way...and yet the interventionist attitude of the Enterprise makes a lot of people, including me, uncomfortable!!)

Not having context for why the society chose this or became this way really makes it much harder to judge Kirk’s actions imo. Like I was thinking about how powerful our machines are now. What if we somehow evolved to mindlessly serve them, and then thousands of years on, aliens came in a space ship and freed us? Would that be morally wrong of the aliens? I don't think so. I wouldn't want that for my future self. But from the aliens' perspective, we chose that life and so maybe it's wrong to free us. Like I think Spock's pov is basically dependent on this being chosen BY them. But eve if it was...how long ago was it chosen? If they themselves can no longer remember or in any way identify with or even explain the original choice, does it still hold?

I think there are some indicators that this society isn’t satisfied being the Feeders of Vaal. Vaal tries very hard to keep outsiders out (the flowers, the lightning, etc.). But the people are curious. They follow the newcomers and spy on them. They’re friendly and welcoming. They see Chekov make out with his girlfriend for about 10 seconds before they start wanting to do it, too. They seem to do literally nothing but feed Vaal and occasionally dance (?). But they were once smart enough to build this whole machine (I assume). Maybe they ARE bored in stagnation.

I wonder if Spock’s defensiveness of this society comes in part from being a Vulcan serving with humans. McCoy thinks it’s just inherently wrong for humans to give up their autonomy in service to a machine, and he doesn’t ever think about why they might have done that. But he ALSO thinks it’s wrong or at least weird for Spock to live his life ruled by logic rather than emotion, and he rarely thinks about WHY Vulcans do that: because without logic, they’d be so violent they’d risk destroying themselves. Maybe that puts Spock in a better position to think about their REASONS for Vaal: because they value peace and prosperity and health more than autonomy and creativity and innovation, perhaps, or because without Vaal they would not be able to survive any more than he believes Vulcan could have survived without the Reformation.

Anyway that’s a lot of thoughts! I think I got everything. I’m very tired now and must rest. I’m in service to my own Vaal tomorrow.

Next up is The Doomsday Machine, which I have seen, but don’t remember at all.

[visionaxry]

Reasons Why Ani’s Character Failed

     Season 3 of «13 reasons why» has been out for a long while, but with the 4th and final season approaching my thoughts circle back to one drawback that last season had. Now, this show is badmouthed enough as it is, and it’s not my intention here. I love «13 reasons why», that’s why I care so much about the subject. I’d also like to point out that there’s no hate towards the actress who portrayed Ani. If anything, this is directed at the writers as feedback from a fan of the show.

     The reasons why Ani’s character was brought into the story are understandable. Yes, she’s a plot device for Bryce’s storyline, and she’s the new narrator. On top of that, she’s supposed to be the audience surrogate. She’s the new girl coming into this group of kids, and just like us she tries to figure out Bryce’s murder and all the personal drama that comes along. However, this concept obviously fails (seriously, after season 3 all people could talk about was how much they hated Ani). So where did it all go wrong, exactly?

    The biggest problem with Ani’s character is by far her annoying personality. She’s nosy, spying on everyone and interfering with their lives. Surprisingly this reserved group of teenagers actually opens up to her. After everything that went on you would expect them to be more picky with who they trust. Characters don’t just confide in her, they feel obligated to justify themselves in her eyes. Like she’s some sort of angel.

Ani’s the one demanding the truth from everyone, yet she’s the one who keeps secrets. Her relationship with Bryce was meant to paint Bryce as a human being. In no way did Bryce deserve any redemption for his crimes, but it was essential to recognize him as a human, not a monster. Because once we see somebody as a monster, it becomes impossible to destroy them, they start to seem stronger than we are.

No matter how important it was to send this message, it didn’t do any favors to Ani’s character. She sleeps with Bryce knowing that he’s a rapist. She defends him in front of Clay, like a true rapist apologist. Ani with her hero complex wants to fix everyone, that’s why she’s all up in their business, that’s why she gets involved with Bryce. Unfortunately, she refuses to admit her own imperfection. She is a hypocrite. Even though at the end she acknowledges that sleeping with Bryce was the worst thing she’d ever done, it doesn’t excuse her actions.

   Introducing a new character into an existing dynamic is quite tricky. Over the seasons the audience grew to love the established characters. So when you let someone new share screen time with the beloved cast, the newbie should be captivating enough. Moreover, it is unfair for a new character to take away too much screen time from the numerous preexisting cast. It is especially irritating when this character is condescending towards the ones who’ve been there since day one and comes with no character development. That again raises the question: why would you make such a dislikable character (not presented as an antagonist) a main one?

    The significant part of Ani’s character is the narration of the season. It’s one of the reasons for introducing her character at all… But was narration even necessary in season 3?

Season 1 had Hannah’s voiceover via tapes because the plot revolved around her, we were seeing life through her eyes. She was the one telling the story. The plot couldn’t go on without it. Narration in season 2 could’ve been avoided, however that season already had a different feel to it, so the writers didn’t want to shock the audience completely by the absence of a voiceover. The narration helped to concentrate on particular parts of the story, and ramifications that the tapes left on each character. We got to see events from different perspectives, not just Clay and Hannah’s.

Nevertheless, narration in season 3 was unnecessary and poorly done. It is annoying as it is, when somebody tells the audience everything that’s going on when we can clearly see that for ourselves, but when it comes from a dislikable character it is twice as bad. Narration brings something to the story when it makes the story more interesting, when it’s revealing something new. (That’s why inner monologues actually work, when written well). On the contrary, Ani’s never-ending story, full of lies and vague pretentious phrases, is boring and distracting from the plot.

    Finally, let’s touch upon the whole – Ani being Clay’s love interest – thing. Since Hannah’s gone (and her ghost manifested by Clay as well) the main character needs another sidekick who’ll follow him around, because the audience needs Clay to communicate his feelings and theories at all times (which could be avoided, were Clay the narrator), and apparently Justin and Tony weren’t worthy enough to fit the part of his confidant.

Anyway, Clay and Ani being friends was fine, but where did this forceful romantic plotline come from? Dear writers, your main character does not always have to be in a relationship! We won’t respect Clay less just because he doesn’t get the girl. Honestly, most people will relate to him even more. Furthermore, it is important to show viewers, especially younger ones, that it is normal not to have a crush or date. The majority of teens doesn’t date in high school, and it’s frustrating to see characters always end up with somebody, like without that they can’t be complete or happy.

To be candid, Clay and Ani didn’t seem to have any chemistry. Both, their kiss and Ani telling her mom they’re dating, were unanticipated and out of place. There was no natural progression for them to be together at the end. After Clay finally sees Ani the way the viewers did all this time (ep 7), it’s difficult to find the moment where he starts to like her again or forgives her… Just because Ani comes up with the plan to save Alex from jail, it means Clay is in love with her? Clay? Angsty Clay who holds grudges and wants to take revenge on people (e.g. see season 1)? It’s hard to buy it.

    There was a theory that S3 was actually supposed to be narrated by Sheri. Unfortunately, Ajiona Alexus left the show. But could you imagine how much better would Sheri be instead of Ani. Sheri is a well developed character since season 1, who is liked by a lot of viewers. She has preexisting relationships with all the main characters, so it would be natural of them to confide in her. Not to mention her and Clay already had a thing in S1, so them ending up together in S3 would be logical and satisfying. Even if the concept of Sheri being the narrator couldn’t be brought to life, the next choice for that role would certainly be Clay aka the main character, not just a random new girl.

     Taking into account the upcoming season 4, what can there be done to repair the damage? Even though some may argue it’s the easiest decision, I doubt that Ani’s character will be just written off (no matter how much I want it). I see only two possible outcomes. Either her character gets way less screen time, or she gets outstanding character development, although I have no idea what there could be done for the audience to like her. At last, it is vital that the writers get rid of her narration.

I hope the flaws of the last season will be fixed, because I’m excited to see where the story takes us next, and I don’t want to suffer through Ani’s character to find out.

[something-tofightfor]

He’s Not Here - Part 4

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Word Count: 1584

Rating: M (language)

Author’s Note: I don’t own Billy’s character. I’m just writing this for fun.

Feedback is welcome - Always. I’d love to know what you think!

Summary:  While he’s deployed, you have a conversation with Billy... and things change.

Takes place a few years before the events of Daredevil S2 and Punisher S1 **

Tagging: If you want to be added or removed, let me know. I added people that commented on the last chapter + asked to be tagged/switched some tags around to main blogs instead of side blogs.

@banditthewriter @breanime @obscurilicious @padfootagain @madamrogersstorytelling @ooo-barff-ooo @agent-bossypants @suchatinyinfinity @chibiyanai @songtoyou @doneobrien @diorskisses @ilkaeliseb @editboutique 

Present Day

Glancing at the clock on your oven, you dropped the spoon that you were holding, causing it to sink down into the pot. “Shit!” Red sauce splashed onto your face, neck and your shirt as you stepped backwards, and at that exact moment, you heard the sound of a Skype call coming through your computer speakers. “Shit, shit shit!” Wiping frantically at your skin, you flipped the burner off before you darted across the room and to your bedroom, turning on the light switch and sliding into your desk chair before pressing the “answer call” button. 

Biting your lip as you took a deep breath, you waited until his image was on the screen in front of you before speaking. “Hi.” Oh, Billy.  Look at you.

“Hey, you.” He was smiling, but the expression didn’t reach his eyes as he leaned in, squinting at the screen. “What’s all over you?” He raised an eyebrow. “Couldn’t even shower for me?” There was a humorous tone in his voice and you shrugged your shoulders, gesturing to yourself.

“I was cooking dinner, and didn’t realize what time it was.” An exaggerated sigh dropped from your lips. “Now I’m wearing my sauce because someone called exactly when they said they would.” He finally laughed, shaking his head and running a hand through his hair - much shorter than you’d ever seen it - he must have gotten a recent haircut.

“I miss your cooking.” He licked his lips. “I miss you.” He leaned in again, elbow on the tabletop and his chin resting on his palm. “This feels different, this time, over here.” Not knowing how to respond, you just frowned, looking back at him. Though Billy had only been gone for four months, it had been a long four months for both of you. You’d watched his face thin out as your video calls had progressed, watched his handwriting get messier in his letters, heard some of the confidence that was always in his voice fade… but he was still Billy, still there, still fighting, still essentially the man of your... “Hey, you OK? You’re drifting.” Pulling out of your thoughts, you shook your head and looked back at the screen, focusing on his eyes - the one thing that hadn’t changed with him.

“Yeah, I am. I’m fine. ” You smiled, but the frown on his face told you all you need to know - that it wasn’t convincing. “I miss you too, Billy.” You cleared your throat. “I know we agreed not to do this, not to talk about -” You paused, wondering if you should continue, or if you should just shut up, and decided that speaking was the best course of action. “Not to talk about us, because there is no us, not really, but…” The sad smile on your lips was genuine. “But I miss you, and I wish you were home, and I’m still wondering why it’s me that you’re… ” He swallowed, nodding once, his tongue poking out between his lips as he studied you. “I’m sorry.” The last two words were a whisper, but you watched as he nodded slowly again, never breaking eye contact with you.

“Hey, I said it first.” He chuckled, a small smile on his face. “I do miss you.” There was a loud noise on his end, and Billy looked over his shoulder, giving you a second to wipe at your eyes. No tears. Not in front of him. Not over this. “I don’t want to have a conversation about … you and me like this, when there are so many miles between us. But… it’s you because I like you, I enjoy talking to you, and it’s nice to know that I have someone that cares waiting for me at home, unlike every other time over here.” There was  pause and he took a deep breath, steadying himself. Billy leaned closer to the laptop again, running his tongue over his lower lip and then wrinkling his nose, a smirk - that smirk - on his lips as Billy’s normal persona returned, replacing the emotional one that you’d seen momentarily. “You should go out, have some fun.” He nodded, swallowing hard again. “Take your mind off of things and off of me.” He leaned back and smiled - a real smile this time, lighting up his face and making the corners of his eyes and the skin around his mouth and nose crinkle. “One of us needs to be getting laid during this shit.”

Is he really saying to… what… but… Then you saw the gleam in his eyes and realized that he was asking for affirmation that you’d meant what you said the day he’d shipped out - that you were more than happy to keep things as they were, no matter how far apart you were from each other or how unwilling either of you had been to put a label on… whatever it was that you were. He was testing you, seeing if you’d actually do what tons of other women had told him they would, that you’d do what he’d never been willing to do for anyone before - wait. Commit.

“You aren’t getting rid of me that easy, Russo.” One of your eyebrows went up, lips curving into that smile he’d told you that he couldn’t get enough of. “I’ll go out and I’ll have a good time, but…” Your hand tugged at your collar, pulling it down to expose the top of your breast, little by little. “I’m still gonna be your- be here waiting when you get home.” You watched as he frantically moved his hands to his keyboard, likely minimizing the chat window, his eyes wide.

“Jesus, anyone could walk in!” His tone was surprised but you saw the color rising in his cheeks and up his neck. “God.” He bit his lip and cocked his head to the side as he looked at his computer. “You gonna behave now?”

“Yes, sir.” His jaw clenched, eyes full of fire as you used the one term of endearment you allowed yourself - and that made sense in your unofficial “relationship”. You watched the muscles in his arms flex as he re-opened the window and then crossed them over his chest, the fingers of one hand drumming on his bicep. “How much more time do we have today, Billy?” He looked at his watch, reaffirming what you thought - that he only had fifteen minutes - and you sighed as the two of you fell into the same type of easy conversation that had been the norm throughout his deployment.

You used the time to take him in, memorizing the way that he looked, the sound of his voice, the way that his eyes lit up as he laughed at your words.  As you talked about trivial things like your coworkers and the cold snap New York was experiencing, you watched as he drank his coffee, eyes on your face, darting around occasionally as he looked you over. You sighed quietly as he laughed, eyes crinkling and teeth on full display, and felt a pain in your chest. You’d fallen hard for him before he left New York, and though there were no guarantees, no promises made, no grand declaration of love or even of feelings on his part, you had these calls. You had the letters, and the look in his eyes when he smiled at you or said your name. You had Billy’s word, and that was enough. At least, you’d rationalized to yourself over and over, while was over there, he wasn’t with anyone else - and he hadn’t been with anyone else immediately before he’d left, either. “Hey, you.” Billy shook his head, one hand going to the back of his neck as you heard a door opening on his end of the call. “Frankie just walked in, and that means I gotta go.”

Your heart thumped, but you nodded. “Yeah?” He nodded too, sadness passing across his features for a moment before he smoothed his face into an impassive expression again. “Tell him I say hi.” A second later, you saw Frank’s familiar stocky frame slide into the screen, so different from Billy’s tall, slender one. “Hey, Frank.” The other man nodded, smiling at you as he said hello back, one hand going to Billy’s shoulder. Billy looked up and you saw his shoulders slump. “I’ll talk to you soon, Russo. You stay safe.” Pointing a finger, you shifted your gaze up to Frank. “You too.” Both men nodded and then Billy spoke again, reaching out to touch his fingertips to his screen as you mirrored the action, imagining that instead of the cool glass of the laptop screen, it was his warm skin against yours.  This isn’t friends, is it?

“I’ll talk to you soon, ok?” You fought back more tears and nodded. “I’ll try to call next week. Same time… if not, I’ll stick to email.” Another nod, and was his voice catching again? Was it less than steady, or were you imagining it? “Enjoy your dinner. Go out, take a break. Relax. Have some fun.” He looked to the side as he dropped his hand and then leaned in close to the screen, his mouth and one eye filling up your field of vision as he smirked, baring his teeth in a way that made you weak in the knees. His next words were a whisper, meant only for you… and you heard him loud and clear. “But not too much fun, you understand?”

---

[mittensmorgul]

1/2 I think the endgame issue is so difficult because the feelings about it often come from two different mindsets. People want to see what a relationship would look like between Dean and Cas, but also see a same sex couple represented. Also, people are gun-shy from past experiences where there's been the same kind of subtextual story only for there to be no resolution or confirmation. Or just flat out queerbaiting. People are tired of largely subtextual queer relationships.

2/2 This is taking destiel to a very general, bigger, more complicated conversation about queer representation and media. But on a smaller scale, focusing just on SPN, the show is just going by the formula and format they want to go by. Why are they waiting until endgame? Because they just are. Yet it's often spoken about on that larger scale when the actual issue is about SPN specifically and how they're choosing to do this. It's not always about grander scale, sometimes it's individual.(same anon) Not that i'm invalidating the people who's issues about destiel revolve around the much weightier "queer representation in media" thing. It's just that sometimes you gotta look at the specific, individual show and what it's doing and not necessarily "it's doing the same things those other shows did so it must mean (whatever)." It's tough. And we just don't know and won't know until we know.

Hi there, first off. :D And yeah, it is one of those “zoomed into the specific context of this one show and how they’re telling this story” versus the “zoomed all the way out to a very specific issue in the larger scope of media representation.” The frustrating thing is when the two are conflated specifically for the purposes of generating wank about one specific show and how they are seemingly progressing toward what could potentially be an unprecedented and absolutely unique sort of representation that’s practically impossible to even begin in this exact way in this day and age.

A while back (and I can’t remember who wrote it, so apologies...) I read a spectacular assessment of this exact situation. When Supernatural began, nearly thirteen years ago, the environment was very, very different from how it is today. The way queer stories were told in general was very, very different. Hollywood was only barely beginning the shift away from clinging to the Hays Code with regard to how non-straight characters and relationships were handled on tv, and we were only about seven years post-Ellen coming out (which essentially ended up sinking her sitcom). Queer characters were almost universally tragic characters, and they didn’t get happy endings, if they could even be portrayed as canonically queer and not only subtextually so.

And when Supernatural started, even in 2005 it was very much rooted in themes of the past-- everything from the ‘67 Impala to classic rock to the Winchester Brothers living in the eternal shadow of the tragedy that had touched their family in 1983. The entire concept of “Star Wars in truckstop America” evokes a very specific and gritty flavor of the past. This is what the show was built on-- classic horror tropes and uncovering the truth about urban legends and monsters. Even the “On The Road” references from Dean and Sam’s names to the concept of Sam’s “magical qualities” being paralleled to Dean’s more subtle queercoding right from the pilot episode have long been meta’d into the ground.

The thing is, Supernatural has now been running long enough for the general media culture to have made substantial inroads into progressively more honest queer representation. At any point, Supernatural could’ve made a genuine leap into canonizing Dean’s sexuality as something other than perfectly heterodudebro straight. Because if that’s what the subtext has actually been implying all these years (which from the pov of “queer reading” and “queercoding” of the past-- again, see the Hays Code-- it’s obvious they have been), then why are they hesitating in this modern era where shows are not only actively portraying queer characters more and more frequently, but are receiving critical acclaim and public praise for doing so? I mean, it sounds logical that if they actually intended to “take the story there,” then they should just go ahead and make it so. Right?

But for a show like Supernatural, that’s rooted in this “old school” format, and a narrative consistently told through that same lens, with the same applicable tropes, and the same genre conventions regarding queerness and horror that it was built on back in 2005, this would literally defy the integrity of the narrative.

And therein lies the frustration. This is why people shout queerbaiting. This is why people have quit the show in frustration of feeling like if they really intended to go there, there’s very little reason to hold back at this point.

Well, except for Authorial Integrity.

That’s a big one.

It’s also one I’d hate for the show to compromise on. Because pulling out core subtextual character traits after thirteen years of consistently yet very slowly dragging them into the light, and making them fully textual before the run up to the series end would absolutely compromise the entire structure of the narrative.

As a viewer and a queer person, yes I would LOVE to see a textualization of Dean’s queerness as a “coming out later in life” and “it’s never too late to openly acknowledge who you really are” narrative, because that would be incredibly powerful at this point. The fact that I am actively seeing this happen (albeit in glacial slow motion compared to how it might happen in more “modernly rooted” shows where characters are often textually queer from the word go) and happening within the same narrative conventions that Supernatural has always been written within is more than enough to sustain my interest for now.

I sincerely HOPE that the show will eventually “do the right thing” with this subtext. I HOPE that the eventual endgame will finally textualize this, but it is literally the endgame goal of this series. I don’t know how else to explain that even while newer series will have characters come out and then just carry on under this “new normal” for the character, this is something so completely rooted into Dean’s “endgame character goals” that at this point to make it textual would bring far too much of his own core character development to a premature conclusion.

In writing, when you create a character, you start out by asking questions:

Who is this person?

What essential traits make him who he is?

What does he fear?

What does he love?

What does he hope for?

What is the source of his happiness?

How can I keep him from achieving his goals in a believable way?

How does he hobble himself from achieving his own goals?

What is his ultimate endgame goal?

In tv writing, this is part of what’s known as the “Show Bible,” or the guide to characterization so that the characters and plots and general narrative structure of the series can remain consistent from writer to writer. That’s why we have consistently seen Dean progress from where he was in s1 to where he is now. He’s clearly become more and more comfortable with himself, more and more open about things he loves (think “no chick flick moments” in 1.01 and “you love chick flicks-- yeah I do” in 11.23). But they aren’t going to bring his character’s Major Personal Arc to fruition when the show is still being written without a concrete endpoint in place.

Because that’s being true and honest to the narrative structure and character development of both the genre of the show (classic horror) and the evolution of media in general since Supernatural began.

I know not everyone is comfortable watching the show continue as it always has with no guarantee of paying off more than a decade worth of subtext. Not everyone is willing to remain emotionally invested in a show that may eventually end on a huge queerbaity rug pull. But there’s an increasingly real chance that it won’t, either. I mean... if you can maintain expectations and understand there’s always a potential for disappointment in the end, it’s a lot easier to enjoy the story as it unfolds.

For other folks it’s probably easier to wait and see how everything turns out before emotionally committing to the show, and that’s fine too.

But I’m really tired of the blatantly unfair comparison of Supernatural-- a 13-year-old show being told through the conventions of the traditional horror genre that’s maintained a consistent narrative for thirteen years regarding the character development arcs and the specific way they’ve been telling this story this entire time-- and brand new shows that can essentially set up entirely different characters and write from a different baseline from the start, where a character’s sexual orientation hasn’t been sculpted into what has always been connected with the closing of that character’s narrative arc.

Yes, technically Supernatural could defy genre, defy their own storytelling, and explicitly make this textual right away, but that’s like... the dictionary definition of jumping the shark in this specific case. And that’s not something I want for Supernatural, or for Dean, or for Destiel.

[gadgetsrevv]

Why Sergino Dest should represent Netherlands instead of the U.S.

Edwin van der Sar speaks exclusively to ESPN FC about Sergino Dest’s international future.

Oct. 2 was quite a day for Sergino Dest. First, Ajax’s 18-year-old Dutch-American right-back was unexpectedly missing from the U.S. men’s roster announced for the upcoming games against Cuba and Canada. These are competitive matches, in the CONCACAF Nations League, so if Dest had played, he would have been bound to the USMNT rather than the Netherlands for his career. That evening, he played all 90 minutes in Ajax’s 0-3 triumph at Valencia in the Champions League. After the game, he appeared on Dutch TV.

Dutch fans hoped he would announce that he had decided to play for their national team. Instead, he said he hadn’t chosen either country yet. “I still need to think longer about both options … It is a decision I have to make for the rest of my life and I want to handle that carefully.”

– Who is the best finisher in football?  – Jadon Sancho will be soccer’s next superstar  – ESPN FC’s best starting XI 

He said he hoped to have a decision by next month. Gregg Berhalter, the U.S. coach, who had previously found Dest “enthusiastic” about playing for the USMNT, now sounded guarded. “I’ve had conversations with Sergino. The conversations were positive, and the content of these conversations is going to remain private,” Berhalter told the Washington Post.

The cautious conclusion must be that the Netherlands are favorites to win this race. Certainly, they would be the rational choice for Dest. And though it’s far too early to tell, he may prove a prize worth having for the next 15 years.

Dest was born and raised in Almere, a working-class town just outside Amsterdam, with a Dutch mother and a Surinamese-American father from Brooklyn. The first time he set foot in the U.S., on a visit to his dad’s hometown, was in 2014. “At home in Almere we just spoke Dutch,” Dest told the Ajax website. “In fact, a couple of years ago my English was still very mediocre. And I wasn’t thinking about my American roots [until] I started to play in U.S. youth teams. From then on my English improved, and I kept feeling more American. I realised: hey, this is my nationality too. And the U.S. passport is one of the most beautiful in the world.”

Dest had arrived at Ajax from Almere City as a child winger in 2012, and gradually transformed into an attacking right-back. Other Dutch boys’ teams enduring the ritual humiliation at Ajax’s youth complex, De Toekomst in those days, recall him flashing down the touchline, while his teammates queued in the box shouting “Serra,” each begging Dest to grant them the final touch. After every cross, Dest would trot tirelessly back to position and resume his tackling, dribbles and “pannas” (Dutch-Surinamese slang for nutmegs). He was the Everywhere Back, sometimes popping up at center-forward, but for all his activity he made few mistakes, despite being a year younger than his teammates.

Yet the Dutch federation didn’t pick Dest for its national youth teams. “I never got a chance,” he says. The U.S. Soccer Federation pounced after Dutchman Dave van den Bergh, then one of the federation’s youth coaches, heard from Ajax about the boy’s American passport. Dest represented the U.S. in the Under-17 World Cup in 2017 (Ajax didn’t wanted him to go) and excelled in the team’s run to the quarterfinals of this summer’s Under-20 World Cup.

For a long time, Ajax seemed ambivalent about Dest, possibly because although he’s dedicated, he was also rather headstrong. Even last fall, when he was already 18, he looked headed for the exit in Amsterdam. Only in December did Ajax finally come through with a professional contract.

Dest is an aggressive full-back that a high-pressing side like Ajax needs, though his defending remains a work in progress.

This summer, his career took off. After the Under-20 World Cup, Ajax head coach, Erik ten Hag, requested that Dest be given just 10 days holiday. Ten Hag had plans for him. Dest made his first-team debut in late July, and since then has become a regular, usually as a starter.

You can see why, because he is the full-back that a high-pressing modern side needs. Ten Hag says, “A back at Ajax has to be able to function as a midfielder and winger, too. It’s a very dynamic role. We want to introduce a lot of variation into our game, to surprise opponents.”

That’s Dest’s way. He told Amsterdam’s Het Parool newspaper, “I think of myself [as someone who has] a good technique. I don’t get frightened when I get the ball — also not when under pressure, or on the opponents’ half.”

His high-risk game gives Ajax an attacking threat from right-back that they lacked even in their extraordinary last season. “Maybe in the past, when I first got into a higher team, I’d take it easy,” Dest says. “But I’ve stopped doing that. Now I show at once what I can do.”

In Ajax’s opening Champions League game in September, a 3-0 win over Lille, he produced a roulette through two opponents from the full-back position — a showboating move that Ten Hag may not have enjoyed as much as the fans did. Dest also has the good fortune that his partner on Ajax’s right wing is Hakim Ziyech, a world-class player whose continued presence in the humble Dutch league is a mystery.

Dest’s main shortcoming, for now, is that for a defender, he isn’t great at defending. Being the speediest member of Ajax’s back four, he’s essential in snuffing out counter attacks, but he sometimes gets caught out of position. (Ajax’s opening two clean sheets in the Champions League are above all down to keeper Andre Onana, surely headed for a giant club next summer.) Ajax demands that players “defend forward,” that is, charge into challenges to try to win the ball back fast rather than sit back and cover space. Dest has yet to master this difficult art.

The consensus in the Netherlands is that he isn’t ready for Oranje. Still, the Dutch federation knows it has to act fast. In September, Berhalter gave him his debut for the USMNT, starting him against Mexico and Uruguay. But these were non-binding friendly games; Dest retains the option to switch to the Netherlands. The Dutch would like to give him a full cap in a competitive match to claim him for life, then let him mature in the under-21s side.

The Dutch federation still laments missing out on Ziyech, who trained with Oranje in 2015 before choosing Morocco. It’s determined not to make that mistake again. It is focused on recruiting Dest and the possibly even more talented 17-year-old Dutch-Moroccan Mohamed Ihattaren, PSV Eindhoven’s playmaker who is tearing up the Dutch league.

Like the U.S., the Netherlands is short a top-class right-back: PSV’s Denzel Dumfries, who has been filling the role with Oranje, lacks the technique for international level. Netherlands’ coach, Ronald Koeman, and the Dutch FA’s director of “topvoetbal,” Nico-Jan Hoogma, sat down with Dest in September. Hoogma reported afterwards: “You can’t promise someone a first-team place, but you can indicate who their rivals are. Based on our story, Dest has to make a decision.”

Koeman said, “I’m not promising anyone anything, but I indicated to him that I see a future for him with the Dutch team. He decided to take his time. That he hasn’t travelled to the U.S. now shows that the issue isn’t decided for him.”

The Dutch have a good story to tell. Since the U.S. returned to World Cups, in 1990, the Americans have progressed further than Oranje at a tournament only once, in 2002. (Of course, both countries failed to qualify for 2018 in Russia.) Moreover, if Dest chooses the Netherlands, he won’t have to spend his career making disruptive exhausting trips to play second-rate national teams from the CONCACAF region.

On the other hand, Dest has an emotional attachment to the U.S., and the USSF was good to him at youth level when the Dutch FA ignored him. The Americans have a chance. But as battles for binationals become the norm in international soccer, the Dest case ought to be a prompt for the U.S. to ask itself: Why does the tiny fraction of American passport-holders raised in western Europe still produce such a disproportionate share of this giant country’s best players?

Meanwhile, in a joint interview on the Ajax website with the U.S.-Mexican Alex Mendez, who plays for Ajax’s reserves, the conflicted Dest turned to Mendez and asked: “What would you do if you were in my shoes?”

These decisions are always in part matters of the heart, but the betting must be that Dest chooses Oranje.

//due to VPPA compliance we can not send keywords through URLs implicitly in the US var countryValue = $.cookie("country"); if(!!countryValue && countryValue !== "us") {

(function() { var _fbq = window._fbq || (window._fbq = []); if (!_fbq.loaded) { var fbds = document.createElement('script'); fbds.async = true; fbds.src = "http://connect.facebook.net/en_US/fbds.js"; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(fbds, s); _fbq.loaded = true; } _fbq.push(['addPixelId', '1587432981493230']); })(); window._fbq = window._fbq || []; window._fbq.push(['track', 'PixelInitialized', {}]);

$.ajax({ url: '//pixel.mathtag.com/event/js?mt_id=694557&mt_adid=137010&v1=&v2=&v3=&s1=&s2=&s3=', dataType: 'script', cache: true }); } (function(d, s, id) {var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if (d.getElementById(id)) return;js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id;js.src = "http://connect.facebook.net/en_GB/all.js#xfbml=1&appId=116656161708917";fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs);}(document, "script", "facebook-jssdk")); Source link

via wordpress https://ift.tt/2VvwPHl

[cryptoga-blog]

2018 for ICOs: A Quarter-By-Quarter Outlook

http://www.cryptoga.com/news/2018-for-icos-a-quarter-by-quarter-outlook/

2018 for ICOs: A Quarter-By-Quarter Outlook

Emma Channing is the CEO and normal counsel of the Satis Group, an financial investment team centered on blockchain and digital finance.

The subsequent article is an exclusive contribution to CoinDesk’s 2017 in Evaluation.

As specialists in the ICO market, we help our clients in optimizing the execution of their ICOs, and understanding the continuously shifting state of crypto money markets is no smaller element of that work out.

Looking again, 2017 was wild trip, with large contrasts between some predictable developments (these kinds of as the move towards ATS exchanges and safety tokens) and a lot less predictable patches (resulting from deal tiredness and forks). It must be mentioned that whilst certainty in any market is extremely hard, the ever-altering entire world of crypto generates special troubles for forecasting.

Properly managing ICOs this calendar year associated continuously trimming sails and modifying to speedily altering market expectations. ICOs staying a really younger money market, I you should not see following calendar year staying any various.

I am however bullish about the ICO market lengthy term as a funding mechanism for emerging progress firms akin to the job of superior-yield credit card debt for community firms, and that is the way we have centered on (it’s not an accident that the offering memorandums for BCAP, Science, and Protos resemble that of a superior-yield credit card debt instrument).

Opposite to many in the ICO entire world, I do continue on to see an energetic and essential job for undertaking money and incubator firms for seed and early rounds. Early-stage firms advantage from the direction and connections provided, which balances the relative price tag startups shell out for the financial investment.

However, I do suspect that we will see ICOs take the area of Sequence B and Sequence C rounds onwards. I consider the days of the late-stage VCs are numbered, or at the really minimum the range that are highly thriving is probably to dwindle.  The ICO market is right here to stay, with the additional appropriate dilemma staying what is probably to sell, as each individual quarter of this calendar year has been distinctly various, with speedily shifting appetites and financial drivers.

At a superior amount these are my ideas for 2018:

Q1

Even though November 2017 did see an all-time regular monthly superior of $743 million for ICOs, this funding was highly concentrated to specific deals and the all round extraordinary volume of deals in the market created it hard for superior-excellent deals to stand out as opposed to prior quarters. As a consequence, for every-deal details weakened a bit as the range of ICOs in the month increased ~50% about the month prior.

I consider we will continue on to see this trend continue on into Q1 2018 – the all round market is probably to continue to be challenging as the volume glut operates by itself out.

Volatility in bitcoin, which we are inclined to see at the start off of the calendar year for a selection of things which include what has come to be an once-a-year trend for men and women in the People’s Republic of China to sell down forward of the world’s greatest human migration, the Chinese New Year getaway, will also be a thing to consider.

We do also anticipate the existing ferocious tempo of investigative routines by Canadian and U.S. securities regulators to continue on this isn’t really having a great deal of press to day, but has been intensive.

We also anticipate there to be one particular or additional significant U.S. enforcement cases, which include possibly one particular or additional of the cryptocurrency exchanges before the finish of 2017 or at minimum by the finish of 2018. All over again, that is probably to have a chilling influence on the volume of the market, albeit one particular I consider is lengthy overdue.

I continue to be shocked that the SEC report on the DAO appears to be to have experienced unquestionably no impression on the tempo of ICOs, nor on the construction in which many have been operate all through 2017.

It was a fantastic piece of really detailed direction on the sights of the SEC. Other than their place on application and utility tokens buying and selling on the exchanges, I am really surprised that additional ICOs have not integrated this direction into their ICO procedure and documents. I feel this has modify in the around term and the response will be swift subsequent any superior-profile enforcements.

Q2

For Q2, I consider the two major thoughts will be the selling price of BTC and ETH and no matter if any alternative buying and selling techniques (ATS) will be up and managing and buying and selling safety tokens.

BTC is continuing to climb at a ferocious tempo, and I don’t consider it is as well a great deal of a extend to say that BTC is probably to strike $50,000 at some point all through the center of following calendar year, whilst wherever ETH, or BCH for that make any difference, will be is anyone’s guess.

A superior BTC selling price can be both a driver and a dampener on ICO exercise men and women experience the need to have to diversify and experience buoyant and beneficial about obtaining ICOs, but at the similar time, anticipate ICOs to be giving the similar “return” that BTC is. This generates an prospect price tag trouble with BTC, when it additional than doubles in price in a one quarter as it has in Q4 2017.

There are further impacts that excellent ICO advisors have to answer to speedily, for instance, a superior BTC selling price forces ICOs to make concessions these kinds of as pricing in US pounds at the close of an ICO or at the close of any personal or discounted sale. A superior BTC selling price also encourages application and utility token ICOs to strain at what are seen as the existing securities regulation guardrails, resulting in what I suspect will be however a further energetic quarter for enforcement.

Protection tokens are an excellent resolution to the problems of a superior BTC selling price and a solid enforcement atmosphere, as they can legally promise a return and can genuinely offer you a diversification from BTC and ETH. We are bullish that safety tokens will eventually sort the vast majority of the superior-excellent issuance volume inside of the ICO market. The critical of system is buying and selling them and that needs an ATS or for the safety token to be registered with the SEC on an S1 or a Sort A+ and to be buying and selling on a nationally acknowledged trade like NASDAQ or NYSE.

The obstacle to day is to get an ATS with a specific license capable to trade digital securities – and we see many lining up to be out there in Q1 or at the latest Q2.

I do also continue to be bullish that Regulation A+ is an excellent match for ICOs, especially it is reasonably small obtain threshold for investors (the higher of 10 p.c of web worth or earnings, self-qualified) as opposed to the accredited trader certification important for Regulation D/506 offerings.

However, since 26 U.S. Code § 1032 only recognizes a money raise strictly by a stock sale, ICOs proceeds of US issuer have to be taxed as revenue, and unless of course there is functioning costs or web functioning losses to offset that makes the raise exceptionally high priced when you increase on the superior price tag of legal and other expert advice or an ICO versus a typical raise.

Q3

Now we really are at the point of crystal ball gazing. Normally speaking by this point we anticipate many ATS accredited to trade safety tokens to be up and managing in the U.S., and we anticipate the intelligent holders of BTC and ETH to pivot a significant element of their portfolio to safety tokens.

All over again, what we are anticipating by this time is a world-wide regulatory reaction which will underline issuer and trader determination-creating.

Giggle as you could, but we do anticipate the Burning Gentleman competition to however once again have a significant slowdown impression for August: the digital token and cryptocurrency market has not historically experienced the standard ECM blackouts, but it does have a several specific kinds and Burning Gentleman is most likely the most significant since so many market contributors go to.

Q4

Frankly, Q4 is anyone’s guess.

Imagine you have a far better concept? CoinDesk is hunting for submissions to its 2017 in Evaluation sequence. Electronic mail information@coindesk.com to pitch your concept and make your sights heard.

Calendar picture by using Shutterstock

The leader in blockchain information, CoinDesk strives to offer you an open platform for dialogue and discussion on all factors blockchain by encouraging contributed articles. As these kinds of, the opinions expressed in this article are the author’s possess and do not necessarily replicate the view of CoinDesk.

For additional facts on how you can post an view or evaluation article, view our Editorial Collaboration Manual or e mail information@coindesk.com.

Disclaimer: This article really should not be taken as, and is not intended to deliver, financial investment advice. Please perform your possess comprehensive research before investing in any cryptocurrency.

[seiin-translations]

2.43 S1 Chapter 3.5 - The Dog’s View and the Giraffe’s View

5. READY FOR SUMMER

You think Aoki reads shonen manga?

This is the end of the first half of the first season, a.k.a the first tankobon volume. I’ll be going on a short hiatus for a few week before coming back.

Stan Odacchi!

Previous || Index || Next

Thrusting a CalorieMate bar into his mouth and holding a sports drink in his hand, when he rushed to the washroom near the gym, he suddenly ran into Aoki. Aoki took one look at Oda’s face and widened his eyes for a moment, then cautioned him with a disgusted look on his face.

“You should stop it with that…in my opinion.”

“Can’t be helped. I didn’t have the time to eat lunch or go to the washroom.”

The CalorieMate had sucked up his saliva and was sticking to his mouth. He put the box that still had some left and the bottle on top of the urinal and lined up next to Aoki.

Immediately after serving as an assistant referee on the courtside, he immediately jumped into his own team’s match, served as an assistant referee again on the same court as soon as it was over, plus he had to keep an eye on the progress of the entire boys’ volleyball division, support the participants and instruct the other members… Needless to say, he didn’t have time to take a lunch break, and he wasn’t allowed to go to the washroom since morning. Still, Oda only had to watch the gym, but Aoki was frequently pulled back by runners from the executive committee’s tent on top of that. This was the first time he was able to make time to talk to Aoki face to face.

It was finally the day of the Seiin Ballgame Festival. Luckily, the last few days were breaks in the rainy season, and the event was held on a day that didn’t interfere with outdoor events. In fact, the weather was so favorable that the temperature has reached July-like levels, and the executive committee has been repeatedly urging people to be careful about heat stroke.

Boys’ volleyball had managed finish four of their six group games without incident on the stage side of the gym. According to gossip, from the first group Team C, led by Aoki, had two wins, and from the second group Team F, led by Oda, had two wins, so it had already been decided that they would clash in the finals. The remaining two games would be elimination games that didn’t make it past the preliminaries, whether they win or lose, but since points were added depending on the points won, the overall winner was still unknown.

“It’d be interesting if we train Okuma to be a center.”

Aoki said next to him as he relieved himself. As ever, Aoki’s shoulder was at the corner of his vision.

“Okuma’s on the rugby team, isn’t he?”

“Well, it’s just an idea. If we had a burly guy like that, we’d look a bit stronger, right? Suemori-san said boys’ volleyball is soft.”

“It’s all about looks?”

“It’s important to look scary, you know?”

Well, when he puts it that way, it’s true that even though Aoki is the tallest guy in school, he’s more “long” than “big,” so he doesn’t look all that burly. He’s a center whose traits are height and dexterity. Okuma’s likely to be a different type of center than Aoki though…

“Well, enough about Okuma. I want Haijima more.”

“You’re pretty fixated on Haijima.”

“What kind of guy wouldn’t fall in love with that play? You’ve seen him play two games, didn’t you?”

“I know he’s good, but that’s not enough. It’d be nice to have a character who can speak up and get the team going, but he’s the complete opposite of that. Your team isn’t attracting any amateurs, right? For events like these, it’s better to have a noisy guy like Okuma.”

“So you want Okuma more than Haijima? Aren’t you being pretty cold to him?”

He couldn’t help but sound grumpy. He understood Aoki’s objective point of view. However, he got angry when he was told things objectively.

“Hmm? No.”

Aoki’s voice was light, and his shoulders turned slightly towards him.

“I’m talking about the ballgame tournament. The captain of this team is you, and if that’s what you want, then I won’t object to it and cooperate with you. If you want, I can find Haijima’s weakness so he can’t refuse no matter what.”

“I don’t need that kind of shady business.”

When he glared at him sideways, his shoulders shook with laughter. “It’s a joke.” It’s scary because this guy actually does those things that seem like a joke.

“We don’t need Haijima’s weakness for him to join. The problem might be Kuroba. He’s doing well so far today, but I don’t know what’ll happen when he comes face to face with Haijima in the finals.”

“Just have them match up. A feud between freshmen would be all cleared up if they just punch each other once hard and tell each other their true thoughts, don’t you think?”

Aoki said carefreely while lightly shaking his hips up and down, then tucked his thing back in and left the urinal.

In the case of you and me, we missed our chance to go through the process of punching each other and saying our true thoughts, and now we’re here… Oda watched the tall silhouette disappear across the label of his plastic bottle with a look like he wanted to say something.

Even though he and Aoki had their disagreements, they always ended up sidestepping the issue instead of getting into a serious quarrel. Even though Aoki would attack others with a sharp tongue as much as he wanted if necessary, but when it came to Oda, he would take a step back. He didn’t have to retract his opinion if there was something about Haijima’s acquisition he didn’t like. I’m not such a tyrant that I won’t respect the opinion of the vice captain.

Oda still wasn’t convinced about how he was chosen as captain in the first place. Whenever Aoki gave him his due because he was the captain, it stimulated a deep sense of inferiority within him.

When the grade before them retired, Aoki was to be appointed as the next captain. He had a mild and calm personality, able to keep an eye on the whole team. He was the natural choice.

At the same time, Oda was advised to switch from attacker to libero. The introduction of the libero system had opened up a place for people with short statures to play an active role. They could only substitute with a back row player and couldn’t participate in the spikes and blocks in the front row, but a receive specialist was an essential position in modern volleyball. It wasn’t that the previous captain had any ill intent, but rather that he knew that Oda poured more passion into volleyball than anyone else.

However, right with that timing, Aoki jumped into the student council. As though he was purposely creating a situation where Oda was compelled to be the captain—he couldn’t hold an important position on the student council and be a team captain for club activities at the same time. That was why Aoki couldn’t take on the role of captain. And under the current rules, the libero couldn’t in effect be the captain. In other words, as long as Oda had no choice but to be captain, he couldn’t switch to libero. Oda truly felt humiliated at being stripped of the attacker position. Because Aoki had sensed that.

What’s with you? Was that pity for me, who never grew taller? Or was it the freedom of a tall guy? He was angry. However, he was unable to lay bare such ugly emotions in front of Aoki and in the end, it didn’t turn into a serious conflict at the time. The comfortable relationship that they had since they started high school had somehow created a wall instead, and there was an atmosphere where it would be too awkward to share their feelings at this point.

Although Aoki was his best friend and a trustworthy partner who was more easy to get on with than anyone, he also harbored a strangely twisted gloominess towards him.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

It was awkward, so he purposely waited for Aoki to leave the washroom before he did so himself, but he saw a tall and narrow back staying in the corridor in front of the gym. From the other direction, Suemori appeared and suddenly spoke in a reproaching tone.

“Oda-senpai, why were you taking your time in the washroom? Please don’t make me wait here.”

“I don’t remember telling you to wait…You could have given me a shout if there’s anything to take care of.”

“I don’t want to go near the boys’ washroom.”

Oda nonchalantly put his hand behind him, feeling that the food and drinks he brought out from the washroom were dirty. I’ve been slightly thinking this for a while, but I wonder if Suemori hates men. But she seems to be able to talk to Kanno normally.

“So, what’s up?”

“The old teacher collapsed.”

Aoki answered in place of Suemori.

“What!?”

The advisor for the boys’ volleyball team was an elderly teacher, just as Aoki called him. They’ve heard that he was rehired on a part-time basis once he reached retirement age. Apparently, he used to play volleyball when he was a student, but the form of the game of volleyball should be quite different between then and now. He was like a fossil from his generation.

The advisor had been the referee for the entire competition without a break since this morning. Even they, as active high school students, were likely to collapse from the hectic bustle, so it would be even harder on the elderly.

It seemed that he was feeling dizzy from the heat due to the temperature in the gym having risen. They said it wasn’t serious, but the referee’s chair was now vacant. There were still three matches left. Either Oda or Aoki should be the referee for the remaining two games in the group league, but the problem was the finals where C and F would encounter each other. Since the other positions also had the bare minimum amount of people in them, there were no extra hands.

“Well, I’ll do it.”

Aoki said without missing a beat.

“Aren’t you competing?”

“I don’t mind. From the start, I prioritized administration, so if there’s not enough people, I was going to pull out and head over there, but…ah, there’d be a problem with me refereeing a match with my own team.”

“You say that, but there’s no other way. I want to give Kanno a chance to be in a game, and there’s no reason to bother pulling Kuroba out. On the contrary, isn’t the balance better now that we have two experienced people on each team?”

“Even if it was still three on two, we won’t lose. It’s not that…it’s no fun if you’re not gonna be playing.”

He felt like he was the only one being childish and having a tantrum at a time when everyone had to back each other up, and his voice got quieter and quieter. He couldn’t bear knowing that Aoki and Suemori were exchanging worried-looking glances over his head. But he still didn’t like Aoki’s quick and easy way of splitting them up. Was I the only one who was looking forward to the match…?

“If that’s the case, let’s make it a little more interesting.”

Aoki proposed in a light tone. When he looked up with suspicion in his eyes, Aoki had a pensive look on his face with a faint smile hovering at the corner of his mouth. He looked like that when he was about to plot something.

“In other words, you’re saying it’s boring because you’re not in it. In the first place, you say ‘take’, but do you even have their approval…?”

“I’ll persuade Okuma. Of course that’s if C wins. If F wins, you’ll persuade Haijima. However, if you lose, you’ll have to give up on Haijima once and for all. —Kuroba!”

Aoki suddenly yelled. Kuroba, who had suddenly been poking his head in from the metal doors on the gym side of the corridor, made a “Mrp” sound and ducked his head.

“You and Nagato both don’t want Haijima to join, right? You were listening in on our conversation just now. Since it’s like that, crush them to bits. Treat this match like a real game.”

***

The chief referee for the finals was Aoki. The assistant referee, the point displayer, and two linesmen were all members of the team who weren’t playing in the game. The other two linesman and the ball retriever were help from the girls’ team, including Suemori.

It was past four o’clock in the afternoon, but heat was coming down the roof, which had been scorched by the midday sun, and accumulated indoors. The windless court wasn’t just completely covered in heat, but also some kind of strangely oppressive atmosphere.

As the team members took their positions around the court, they sensed a strange tension in the court that went beyond a mere school event, and their expressions tightened. Only Aoki had his usual relaxed expression, and he wondered what he was scheming. The way the already-tall Aoki stood on the referee’s stand and looked down at the court already somewhat made it a “tower.”

There were some spectators gathered along the walls and on the stage. The gallery installed on the second floor was also overflowing with students in sportswear. He thought that since it coincided with the futsal and softball finals, the spectators would be drawn to that, but it seemed that a surprisingly large number of people had come just to watch. Across the partition net, on the other side of the court, the girls’ basketball game was being held. The random bouncing of a ball other than a volleyball was jarring to his ears—he might be getting a bit nervous himself. He shrugged his shoulders up and down to release the extra energy. He was already sweating just by standing.

Team F got the serve through rock-paper-scissors. Haijima would serve from the right back row, and Oda would start diagonally from him at the front left. The opposing Team C’s starting order had Kanno at the front right and Kuroba in the back left. With two volleyball veterans placed diagonally from each other and sandwiching and supporting the amateurs, both teams had the most suitable formation.

Kuroba, getting ready to receive, kept pulling at his T-shirt and wiping the sweat off his face an unusual number of times. He wondered if it was just his imagination that the movement of his legs seemed heavy. Even though he was always jumping around on the court even when there was no need for it, now his feet were clinging to the floor. He’s pretty nervous. The fact that the crowd was much bigger than for the group league no doubt played a role.

What are we going to do for this game? He felt like it had become a farce starring the boys’ volleyball team, but of course he wasn’t going to lose on purpose. We’re going for the win. It was out of the question to give up on getting Haijima because of a single loss in a in-school match. If that was the case, he shouldn’t have taken this bet, but it was also out of the question for Oda to not buy a fight that had been sold to him.

He called Haijima, who was heading for the service zone, to a stop and he turned around and asked him something.

“It’s okay now, right?”

“Yeah. Do it with all your power.”

He heard the sound of the safety lock inside Haijima disengaging. In the previous two games, Haijima was banned from doing jump serves. It would no longer be a game against an amateur team if he did so, and someone were to get hit in the face, they risked injury.

“…Eleven months.”

Haijima muttered in a low voice, cast his gaze to a point on the other side of the net and narrowed his eyes.

“Did he get a little better?”

He smiled faintly. The depths of his eyes were boiling, as though he was even taking in this heat and transforming it into a part of the heat within him. Stimulated by that fighting spirit, Oda also felt his entire body trembling.

Just you watch… He glared at Aoki, but couldn’t meet his gaze with Aoki on the referee’s chair.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

Haijima’s jump serve even drew the eyes of the first-timer spectators. He placed the ball in his left hand, stretched his arm directly before him and stood still. A beat of dignified silence that took the watcher’s breath away. The moment he tossed the ball up high with a spin towards the ceiling, there was a big “Ooh.”

From his graceful and refined form, as though he was dancing in the air, he let loose a sharp jump serve. Contrary to the slickness of his form, Haijima’s serve was quite unpleasant. It had a unique twisting spin, partly due to him hitting left-handed, and the one who was receiving was under immense pressure. Drawing a curving arc, it accurately aimed for the area Kuroba, who was positioned in the back row, was guarding. Kuroba, who didn’t say he was good at serve receives, managed to hit it with his arms with a panicked look on his face. Fortunately, it went up high, so his teammate went right below it and waited. Who was going to hit it?

Was Kuroba, who received it, going to hit it himself?

“Right court!”

He was astounded by the instruction that came from the referee’s chair.

Oi, wait a minute!? Is that even allowed!?

The ball was set to Kanno on the right court. Oda jumped to block in surprise, but Kanno dexterously shifted the core of the impact and changed it to a straight spike from the angle of a cross-court hit. Tch, he’s good… The spike that was as sharp as a needle went through a narrow course.

While landing, he turned his head to follow the whereabouts of the ball. He thought it might have been on the border of the sideline, but Nagato the linesman didn’t hesitate to indicate that it was in. The person who enthusiastically shouted “Yes!” from outside the court in place of Kanno, who had landed soundlessly, was…Suemori. I get the feeling that there’s a lot of officials that are emotionally attached to the opponent’s side, but…?

Team C’s first point was engraved.

“Oi, why is the referee giving out instructions?”

He snapped at the referee’s chair.

“If there are any objections, you can write them down on the record sheet later.”  

Aoki said calmly, then quickly blew the whistle to prompt Team C to serve. There was no way they were going to prepare a record sheet used for official games for a ballgame tournament.

“Do it in one go, Haijima.”

He turned his back on the referee’s stand in indignation and said that aloud in order to calm himself down. However, Haijima only sullenly muttered, “You haven’t gotten any better at defense though,” and it seemed that he didn’t care about the noise around him or the subtle and complex actions of the staff members. The intensity of his concentration after entering the court was astonishing, but…he felt that he was slightly different from the previous two matches. Isn’t his mind too focused on one point?

At the end of where Haijima’s eyes were fixed on, Kuroba was, as ever, looking around restlessly while worrying about sweating profusely. The complete opposite of Haijima, his concentration was scattered. It was a face that screamed that Aoki’s implication was bad.

Team C, under Aoki’s instructions (which he still couldn’t wrap his mind around), had adopted the strategy of gathering the ball to Kanno. The scene where Kuroba hit didn’t return immediately, but even so, that scene came when it was 3-3 in the beginning, the rotation moved three at a time and Kuroba in the front right was directly facing Haijima in the front left over the net.

The first setting of this set came from Kanno to Kuroba.

At Haijima’s instructions, a triple block was set up. Oda in the back row prepared to back them up. “That’s a hell of a jump from that guy!?” The jumping power of Kuroba, who was high enough for his chest to comfortably show up over the net, made the crowd go wild. Completing the rotation of his shoulders by arching his whole body in midair, his body bent back and his arms swung out, as though releasing a nocked arrow. This dynamic spiking form, which could be called the splendor of volleyball, was the usual Kuroba, but…he’s not looking at the blockers at all. The ball didn’t pass over the net, getting caught on the white band and falling to Team C’s side.

Right when F-team took the lead with 4-3,

“Time out.”

The head referee requested a time-out.

Oi…I’ve never heard of this.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

“Why hasn’t he fixed that habit of his yet?”

Haijima turned on him as soon as they gathered courtside. Team C was making a circle around the tower that was Aoki. So why was the chief referee coming down from the referee’s stand and being on the bench of one team? After glaring at the other party who made his temple spasm, Oda turned back to Haijima.

“It already became solidified within him when he joined in April. There’s no problem in practice games, but he always gets like that when it’s a game with a lot of pressure, and to be honest, he’d be useless in an official match.”

For last year’s middle school prefecturals, Oda only went on the second day, so Kuroba, who apparently only participated on the first day, went unchecked. When he first joined the club, Oda was simply excited that an unexpected find had burst in. In fact, when he was used in the May practice match, he couldn’t find any problems. There was an inconsistent feeling to him, like he was developing, but his energetic play was pleasant to watch, and his strangely likeable character also helped to energize the whole team.

Although they haven’t acquired Haijima yet, he was confident that their attacker lineup was in good order with this, and then the prefectural tournament in the start of June—

The god of volleyball seemed to like secretly digging pitfalls.

An odd habit had begun to show up. He either failed his spikes entirely that got caught by the blocks and got himself out, or it got trapped by the net. It wasn’t like his form was messed up, but he couldn’t settle it. Even when he asked the person in question, he vaguely answered with a somewhat spaced-out expression, like his feet weren’t on the ground, that even he didn’t know why it was like that.

“…Why…”

Haijima grumbled, glaring at his feet with a gaze that could scorch through the floor.

“Stumbling over something like that…”

Haijima, that’s exactly how I feel about you, Oda thought. If you ask me, I’m jealous of the both of you, and just looking at you makes me irritated.

“Hey, we have to do something about him. It seems that it has something to do with Nagato and the second round of the middle school prefecturals?”

At this point, I should create a front that would make Haijima take a step closer to us, even forcibly. Thinking that, he tried inducing him.

“The middle school prefecturals…?”

Haijima raised his head and furrowed his brow.

“Sometimes players fail in their debut matches and suddenly fall to pieces.”

“They said it was my fault? But…”

His voice jumped up for an instant. He immediately closed his mouth sullenly and looked down again, fiddling with the taping on his fingers in front of his stomach. He thought of him as a player who didn’t have the habit of making other people read his mind, so that behavior was unexpected.

“What was I supposed to do…I was waiting, on that day…but, he was the one who didn’t come…”

He felt like the view before him was suddenly blocked by a thin, but hard, shell.

***

Even after the timeout, Kuroba’s play was lackluster. It would have been excusable if he had been blocked by the volleyball team members, but he was messing up because he was minding the blocker, who was an amateur ten centimeters shorter than him and just standing in front of him. Really, when he was good, he was great, but once his gears went out of whack, he quickly fell apart on his own. To be honest, he thought it was better for him to withdraw, but Aoki, Team C’s captain as well as the referee (this dual role was strange no matter how you look at it), didn’t seem like he was going to replace him.

He could see the frustration building up in even Haijima every time Kuroba made a mistake. Even so, the thing that differentiated Haijima from Kuroba was that his play never wavered, or rather, became frighteningly sharp. Not necessarily in a good sense, as he even covered his teammates’ minor mistakes all by himself and ended up excluding the amateurs. It felt like the sullen aura emanating from Haijima’s entire body made it seem as if the temperature on only their side of the court had dropped down a notch. It was out of the control of even Oda and he called to him less and less, and he thought that he could imagine the atmosphere in the second round of the prefectural tournament Nagato was talking about now.

His irritation towards the two who didn’t appreciate at all the value of the treasures that had been given them became stronger. If it were those two, there was no doubt that they would be able to stand at the forefront for the next ten or twenty years. Was it asking too much of freshmen to be less small-minded when they had such high physical potential? But, if he had those two’s potential, he definitely wouldn’t waste it. A super-ace who was trusted by his team for his solid decision-making ability as well as enlivening the team as a mental pillar…He knew that he couldn’t be that kind of player anymore, but he still dreamed to this day.

The fifteen-point system was shorter than he expected. When Haijima rotated from the back row to the front row and match-upped against Kuroba with the net between them again, they entered the final stage of the first set. Kuroba, obviously bending back, took a receiving stance like he was shrinking away from the net. While glaring at Kuroba’s disgraceful behavior with a gaze that could burn the net to ashes, it was perhaps at this moment that a circuit somewhere in Haijima’s mind snapped.

The serve was Oda’s. His thoughts were so focused on the two of them that his aim was a bit fuzzy, so the easy and half-hearted ball ended up falling right in the middle of the opponent’s court. He ran back to the court, fed up with himself as he thought that he might not be better than Kuroba today. That was when it happened.

“Hit the ball, Kuroba!”

Haijima shouted. His carrying voice suddenly pierced through the court where all talking had decreased, and everyone on his own team was startled.

As in the first round, the set flew from Kanno to Kuroba. Almost as if by spinal reflex, Kuroba suddenly did a run-up and leapt. Haijima blocked it perfectly.

However, this time as well, Kuroba’s spike didn’t even go over the net before it was blocked.

They both landed on the floor at the same time, the net between them. Right then,

“Stop screwing around!”

Haijima kicked the floor right after he yelled that, and then barged into the other court from under the net and tackled Kuroba. At this unbelievable situation, Oda froze in the receive stance, unable to move. It’s different for baseball game broadcasts, but I’ve never seen a brawl at a volleyball game, and I didn’t think he was the type to lose his temper like that!?

Everyone on his own team was dumbfounded, and everyone on the other team jumped out of the way, startled. After blowing Kuroba all the way to the center of the court, Haijima immediately went to straddle him and grabbed him up by the collar as Kuroba was hitting his back and coughing.

“Don’t run away! At least give one decent shot! If you’re this nervous for just a ballgame tournament, you’re not cut out for this, so just quit!”

He was yelling at him, looking like he was about to bite his nose off.

Kuroba’s back lifted off the floor.

“Hey…stop it, Haijima!”

Oda came to his senses and hurriedly passed under the net.

Right when he was about to pin Haijima’s arms behind his back, Kanno wedged himself in between them and said, “Senpai.” While keeping Oda back, Kanno looked at the referee’s stand. Oda widened his eyes and looked up at the stand, where he saw Aoki leaning against the top of the pole and grinning down at the two first-years on the floor.

“If they had just one big fist fight and told each other how they really felt…” Their conversation in the washroom flashed across his mind.

Hah!? No way, don’t tell me you were expecting this!?

Kuroba, who he thought was just going to let this happen, surprisingly grabbed Haijima’s wrist and yelled back.

“I’ve never been in a game where I had to lose successfully, and I don’t know how to do that, so of course I’m not cut out for this!”

“What are you talking about…”

Haijima was speechless. Kuroba, hesitating to say further, glared at Haijima at point-blank range as he moved his lips soundlessly. Then, he suddenly cast down his eyes, drew in his chin, and pressed his fist that was grabbing the front of Haijima’s chest to his forehead. It looked like a gesture of prayer.

“…’Cause, he said that you’d come back if we lost… Hey, isn’t this enough… Come back already…”

Come back already.

Those were words that Oda couldn’t think of or say in his position. They made him realize he didn’t need any pretense, and that all he needed was such clumsy, straightforward words.

Haijima, having lost his outlet for anger, just looked bewildered. His face, looking like those straightforward words didn’t penetrate his stubborn heart very well, made Oda irritated again.

“Hai…”

Right when he was about to interject, unable to keep quiet anymore,

Beep!

“Oh, you guys done yet? It looks like you guys pretty much said it all.”

A fake cough and Aoki’s voice, dampening the tension, came down from the referee’s stand.

“If that’s the case, the two of you, leave the court.”

He said, calmly holding up a red card.

“Fighting in volleyball is unheard of. And freshmen, don’t say that this is just a ballgame tournament, because this is a lively event that I worked myself to the bone to prepare for without sleeping. They really do need to pay me for this.”

***

After seeing the overall results at the administration tent with his own eyes, he returned to the gym. The gym, where the partition net was removed and cleanup had ended, was empty, but the net and poles still remained on only the stage-side court where the boys’ volleyball match had taken place. It was as if only the net wouldn’t admit that the match was over. The enthusiasm for the finals that had engulfed the court had now been cooled by the evening air, and he suddenly felt lonely.

There was a figure standing before the net. Like the net in front of them, it seemed like they still wanted to continue the match. Well, he was kicked off the court after doing one set, so I guess I can’t blame him for wanting to rampage more. The taping on his hands hanging down on the sides of his body still haven’t been undone yet.

“Haijima.”

Though his back reacted slightly to his call, he didn’t attempt to turn around. He goes at his own pace, eh. Oda smiled wryly as he approached him.

“They didn’t put the net away?”

“I asked them to leave it. I’ll put it away.”

Just like on the first day of team practice one week ago, Haijima lifted his chin and looked straight at the white band of the net. The sunlight shining through the window weakened and it dimmed considerably in the gym, but he could see a light in his eyes. A dazzling light that welled up within Haijima, as though he couldn’t contain his feelings of dissatisfaction.

“This wasn’t set up at 2.4?”

“Oh, we only raise it to 2.43 at the finals. ‘Cause it’s a game full of experienced players.”

With his hand on the net, stroking it sideways, Oda walked to the edge of the court and put his hand on the pole. Since the protective mat was removed, his palm touched the cold metal directly. The surface of the old bronze-colored pole was rough with copper rust stuck to it.

“We’re going to a family restaurant for the team’s afterparty, so meet us at the school gate at six-thirty. Don’t worry, us third-years are paying.”

“Please don’t count me in.”

He was given an annoyed reply. There are still not enough reasons? Oda sighed. Even though it’s so obvious that he’s longing to play volleyball, what exactly is holding him back? Is there something else besides the Monshiro Middle incident? This guy who’s fundamentally arrogant and seems to not care about other people’s feelings is clearly afraid that something is going to happen.

“You know, volleyball really is a sport that chooses people. Well, what you do in it depends on the person. It’s not a sport where you can carry the ball by yourself, and even if one person is skilled, you can’t win. I’ve told you this before. Remember it.”

“I got kicked in my ass.”

Since Haijima was pouting with a bitter look on his face, a laugh unintentionally slipped out of his mouth as he recalled it. He immediately stopped when Haijima was getting more and more sullen.

“There’s also the fact that the difference in our sizes frankly makes me cry. It’s a cruel story, isn’t it. No matter how hard a guy like me works, even if I think I won’t lose in athletic ability, skill, attitude, or anything, I just can’t beat a big guy in that one factor, height. Why did I fell for volleyball, of all things?”

Too many of the words people hurled at him came from his own mouth. When he explained it to people, they made doubtful faces and couldn’t sympathize with him very much, so these days he had learned to ignore that kind of talk. Aoki wouldn’t understand this much either. They might show their understanding for me, but they wouldn’t have any sympathy for me.

Haijima didn’t worry over his answer. He tilted his head, as though thinking,　This guy’s asking something weird, and stated it definitively. He said it like he was talking about the completely natural activities of living beings, like saying,　Don’t calves stand up after they’re born?

“Isn’t it because there’s nothing more interesting than volleyball?”

Aah…I knew it.

I had a feeling he’d say that. What’s for us, the very simple truth of the world.

I wanted words from someone other than me. I wanted someone to affirm to me that it’s okay for even someone like me to be devoted to something. If a man with much more talent than me, who possibly loves volleyball more than me, said that to me, then I can believe that the time I dedicated to volleyball was never a waste.

Is there anything in this world that is as interesting as this, that can make me as passionate as this? The exhilaration when you release a powerful spike. The feeling of solidarity when a brilliant combination play is executed. The sense of accomplishment when you persevere and break away a rally with your teammates. The feeling of conquest when you force the opponent’s ace to yield with a kill block. That intoxication, when your concentration is at its peak and the team’s hearts are one, and you can clearly see the ball’s trajectory as an unbroken line——

Something hot welled up in his throat, and he suddenly felt like crying. But, it was too early for that. He still hadn’t accomplished anything yet.

So he bared his teeth and smiled instead.

“That so? Well, for me, I love volleyball to death. It’s the only thing where I’m confident that I won’t lose to anyone.”

It was funny that Haijima countered with an extremely serious expression, “I won’t lose either.”

“…Haijima. To be honest, it was for my convenience that I wanted you to join. I’m a third year now. Even so, I want to play as many games on the court as possible, even if it’s just one game. Even if it’s just for a day…even just for a minute, just a second, I wanna play volleyball. Can I borrow your strength for that reason? All of your strength…”

Wouldn’t I get the opposite result with that way of talking? No, it’s fine. These words shouldn’t make Haijima build a wall around himself. He seems to be terribly stoic to me and everyone else, but he won’t reject someone who’s facing volleyball seriously. Ultimately, it wasn’t about whether you were skilled or not, or whether you were tall or short. Whether you are serious about volleyball or not—that was the only line Haijima drew.

That’s why there was no reason to hesitate to step in. I’m holding the key to the door.

He really felt like he was gripping a small key in his right hand. Of course, when he opened his palm, there was no key actually there. However, he turned to Haijima and held out his hand as though to show it to him.

“Won’t you believe in me, Haijima?”

Haijima was silent for a while, staring at Oda’s hand with downcast eyes. He loosened his tied lips.

“…Spring Inter-High.”

A whisper slipped from his mouth.

“…You’re serious about going there, I see. A weak team that has never won a proper game within the prefecture is aiming for it, thinking they can seriously go there. The 2.43 meter net is for that reason, I see.”

Those eyes with a sharpness that seemed to pierce through anything before them were directed towards Oda’s face. He was surprised that something he only mentioned briefly a week ago seemed to have remained in Haijima’s mind. However, he was also convinced that just showed how strong his feelings were. By all rights, he shouldn’t be the kind of athlete who was stuck smouldering in a place like this.

He wasn’t saying it in a way that was making fun of him. On the contrary, if he was the one who poked fun at him even slightly or was ambiguous in his answer, he would without a doubt slap his hand away on the spot.

Neither deception nor half-hearted seriousness was allowed in front of this guy.

“Yeah. Now, all the actors are in place. I seriously believe that this year’s Seiin will definitely become a team that can go to Nationals.”

Oda also looked back into Haijima’s eyes with a piercing gaze and answered.

If you take this hand, I will have to meet your expectations with all my power. I’ll repeat it again with force in order to convey that resolve. There’s no need for complicated reasons. I’m sure that only straightforward words would reach his heart.

“I want you to believe in me. Lend me all of your strength.”

***

“Why the hell are you smiling? Did Haijima say he was going to join?”

Aoki jeered at him when he stopped by the administration tent. Am I smiling? Oda wondered, patting his cheeks. He might be.

“Who knows. Well, he’ll be coming to the next practice, won’t he?”

“Hoo. Personally, I don’t like it, but well, that’s good I guess.”

Aoki said that in a twisted and unstraightforward way. Oda, while wondering in astonishment, Weren’t you the one who set this up?, dragged a free folding chair over and sat diagonally across from Aoki. He leaned over the long table, thrusted his face at him and lowered his face, as though it was an interrogation in a detective drama.

“So, from when and how much of it all was within your calculations? Since you brought up that betting match in front of Kuroba, right? Since you stirred me up by saying you were more interested in Okuma than Haijima? No way, you’re not gonna say you were the one who arranged for Haijima to be in volleyball, are you? I don’t think it’s possible, but does that mean the ballgame tournament itself is a huge charade…”

“I must be the world’s greatest swindler then. You’re giving me too much credit. Originally, I planned to have Team F win the championship, and I wanted to go to the lodging house on the refreshing highlands and getting Haijima while we’re at it…that was all I was thinking. Well, the dream of the highlands lodging house is completely gone now. I really did want to go there.”

All but one of the administration tents that were lined up with their eaves side by side in a corner of the first sports ground were dismantled, and the lower grade members of the executive committee were clearing away the steel frames and sheets while bickering noisily. All of their voices had a listlessness to them, like they had finished burning, and they didn’t sound grating to his ears. Rather, the noise soaked pleasantly into his tired body.

On the grounds, members of the baseball club were doing somersaults. The clock tower behind the back net displayed the time of 6:15. The brightness of the sky dimmed, and grey clouds started to appear. According to the forecast, apparently it was still going to be clear during the day, but the rainy season was going to return during the night. There was the scent of approaching rain. The warm wind, which contained moisture, made his arms and body sticky again after his sweat had finally receded.

The uncoated paper with the overall results for today was posted on the tent’s support. If he thought that there was more enthusiasm about this year’s championship than last year, there was apparently a secret prize that was going to be given to the supreme general of the winning team. The contributor was the executive committee—of course Aoki was the one who was holding the wallet. That prize was the group accommodation at a lodging house on a highland area in the prefecture for summer vacation. It was a form of taking advantage of the fact that the captains of the major sports clubs were spread out across each of the third year classes and stirring up the competition between each team.

In the boys’ volleyball division, Oda’s Team F defeated Team C to win the championship. The referee Aoki’s blatant support for Team C in the first half was camouflage, and after ejecting the two first-years, he devoted himself to making fair and impartial judgements in the second half—or that was how it seemed. Skillfully weaving in a few advantageous judgements for Team F, he manipulated the outcome. He’s a crook through and through…but since it’s a school event, I can just barely forgive him, but if he pulled this kind of thing somewhere else, I’ll be done with him.

However, they didn’t perform so well in the other events, and in the end, Team F had to settle for second place overall. The guesthouse on the highlands was to be given over to another club.

“Aaah, I guess we’ll have to do it at school this summer too. It’ll be harsh without air conditioning though.”

“You know, you’re pretty practical even though you don’t look it…”

“Dunno what you mean by not looking practical, but I’ll accept the compliment. Well, the things you can get with cheap tricks aren’t that important, and there are plenty of things you can’t get...” a loud yawn slipped out from his wide mouth.

“Are you going to the after party? The first and second-years worked hard today, so we gotta thank them.”

“Sorry, but I’ll have to pass. I don’t mind splitting the money in half. I didn’t sleep for three days to finish up preparations.”

“Three days? And yet you managed to get in two games.”

“It’d be tough to do three games. When the old teacher collapsed, I thought in my head, ‘I’m saved.’”

He leaned back deeply on his folding chair, causing it to creak, and when he bent his neck and tilted it left and right, there was a cracking sound. Though he wondered if it was okay to speak that way about an elderly person, it seemed that after he rested in the infirmary for nearly an hour, he had readily recovered and went along with the teachers to their after-party, so perhaps it was okay for Aoki to say that, considering all his toil.

During this ball game tournament, which included preparations, while Oda was just saying he wanted Haijima like a spoiled brat, just how hard was Aoki working, even using his influence, for the sake of the whole team? When it came to Haijima, even though he wasn’t supposed to have agreed to it, he considered Oda’s feelings and took action like it was a matter of course. It had completely slipped from his mind, but it was time to think about summer training camps.

Since they knocked on the door of the boys’ volleyball club in April two years ago, he had helped him one-sidedly until now. The prodigy who had student council duties, and who on top of that could get accepted to Kyoto University, probably had any number of things he could do besides volleyball, unlike Oda. He felt a deep sense of guilt that because he invited him that day—because they were “Aoki” and “Oda”, an unexpected intrusion ended up coming into Aoki’s life.

“Ah, hey…thanks for everything…”

It was too embarrassing to say it now after two years, and he couldn’t look him in the eyes. He was grateful for the gap between their lines of sight right then. Every time he was covered for, it only deepened his own sense of inferiority, and he had never thanked him face-to-face until now.

Good grief, it’s not just my outside, I’m also tiny and worthless on the inside.

“But, sorry…you’re going to have to go along with my selfishness for just a little longer.”

His debt would increase even more in the future. It seemed that Aoki won’t be able to concentrate on his exams for a while yet.

“…That’s just like you.”

Aoki mumbled to himself, his head still turned away. From Oda’s position, he could only see his chin moving slightly, and he had no idea what expression he had on his face.

“You’re giving me too much credit. I’m feeling guilty now. Playing volleyball with you is what I want to do right now, and I’m not doing it unwillingly. I don’t need to be thanked at all. I’ve been saying this since before, but me not liking Haijima is completely my personal feelings, and I’m the one who’s just being selfish. I don’t really care about going to university or not, and I don’t mind if you want me to lower my rank so we can go to the same place…I’m basically just driven by my ulterior motives.”

“Ulterior motives?”

There was the sound of water drops hitting the roof of the tent. The people working outside the tent looked up at the sky and exclaimed, “It’s starting to rain?”

“…You don’t have to understand.”

Aoki raised his head slowly, like a giraffe stretching its neck to find leaves that were just right, and stifled another yawn. Then, he turned towards him and lifted the edge of his mouth. 

“Let’s go to Spring Inter-High. I’ll follow you until the end.”

For Oda, that thin, ironic smile was more reliable and trustworthy than anything. 

The prefectural preliminaries would start at the end of September, two months later. If they won there, his retirement would be extended until the final representative deciding match in November. And if they managed to win the representative deciding match, then it would be until the nationals in January——. Just one game more. Just a day, a minute, a second longer. In order to delay the “end” just a little bit longer, they third-years would clumsily make every effort with all their ability.

When the rainy season ended, their final summer would arrive. There was no doubt that that summer would be like a condensed version of the rest of their lives after graduation. His doubts about his career path cleared up. He would put all he had into everything he could do and wanted to do right now. He didn’t care if the next few decades would be the rest of his life. Even if he burned out here and had nothing left within him, he wouldn’t regret it now.

Previous || Index || Next