#i probably didn’t need that final point but i don’t wanna clog the tag with too many posts so it’s just my thoughts here

[heartkyeom]

putting my results under a read more so it doesn't clog the dash but thanks for supporting me this year y'all! <3 (also took some things out so people aren't tagged hehe)

I posted 1,093 times in 2022

That's 1,093 more posts than 2021!

418 posts created (38%)

675 posts reblogged (62%)

I tagged 965 of my posts in 2022

Only 12% of my posts had no tags

#seokmin - 119 posts

#seungcheol - 115 posts

#soonyoung - 71 posts

#mingyu - 62 posts

#wonwoo - 52 posts

#jeonghan - 41 posts

#heartkyeom - 39 posts

#vernon - 37 posts

#joshua - 36 posts

#minghao - 31 posts

Longest Tag: 103 characters

#if you think you’re above wearing a mask so svt can stay safe you have build a bear stuffing for brains

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

everyone loves you but i think you're so obnoxious au

kwon soonyoung x fem!reader

warnings: smut, angst, slight description of female anatomy; enemies to lovers

notes: AHHH this is the au I've thought about for the longest time and it's finally done!! I wanna hear all your thoughts about bratty hoshi <33 pls enjoy!

soonyoung is a famous soloist who is beloved by the korean public and most of his staff too... except the stylists

he’s run off 12 different stylists at this point and it frustrates his team so much

why is it the stylists and no one else??? no one knew but you got hired as a last resort, as you were known for working with notoriously difficult celebrities

those celebrities were famous but soonyoung is FAMOUS famous, definitely the most notable celebrity you’ve worked with but it didn’t intimidate you

you were used to bratty celebs and them acting out, so it couldn’t be that bad? right?

wrong. he made you do the most tedious shit like making you go through 100 fabric swatches for him to possibly approve for his tour costumes only for him to like none of them, creating a shit ton of revisions for his costumes only for him to prefer an older version of it

just subtle ways to keep you working on meaningless shit

he fought you on so many small things and for what reason? none except to make you upset and get under your skin

he probably enjoyed seeing his stylists stressed and crying but you wouldn’t let him see you break, you weren’t some crazed fan- you were there to work

soonyoung knew you probably hated him and he expected to hate you too

after dealing with so many stylists who were clearly only there to get clout and not do their job, it was hard to think of you as an exception, at least at first

the first month he treated you quite terribly, even by his standards. once you stayed past the first month, he knew you were quite different- he decided to see how much you could handle

he notices that you don’t buckle under pressure and adapts to that, starts calling you byeollie (별이/star) instead of your name since he spotted a childhood photo of you in your office with star printed pajamas on- he teased you relentlessly after this

you think about quitting but the money is consistent and it’s so much better than what you’ve made before, you were known in korea and could keep a roof over your head

but the industry was still so fickle that you were only needed as a stylist for idol comebacks and assorted projects- not a full time position anywhere

so you had to stay. plus you’ve been trying to pay some debt off and this was getting it done much faster than before

even though soonyoung was insufferable, you wanted to style him in a way that made him feel seen and understood as an artist

even if he was a pain in the ass, his style clearly meant a lot to him

you always watched old videos of clients to see their style evolution and study where their styling had ended up by the time you started working with them

his personality was so sweet and you could see that in the way he interacted with his fans, you didn’t ever see this side of him so it was a bit shocking

he seemed very confident around his peers but ultimately he was shy, he just knew how to hide it through his work

a part of you knew he was never gonna show you this side of him, but he was genuinely a charitable man who wanted to help others and connect to them through music

yet there was clearly a wall up with him, so you kept yours up too

soonyoung saw the care you put into your work, he just didn’t know how to express any feelings about it. it felt like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for you to betray him in some way but it never happened. you were always going above and beyond for him

there was a casual intimacy in the way you remembered what fabrics made him uncomfortable, how you picked up on the styles he liked and put them aside for him without him even asking for it

the notes you left with his costumes were always detailed and you were committed to making things right despite how much trouble he gave you

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661 notes - Posted February 4, 2022

#4

now or never pt. 1

xu minghao x fem!reader

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 (finale)

word count: 7k

synopsis: when you make a chance encounter with your ex, you end up saying that you're engaged to your estranged neighbor xu minghao. when you find out your ex is coming to your friend's wedding, you've only got a month to become a convincing couple.

warnings: (almost) strangers to lovers, fake marriage, shitty ex!joshua, scenes with enclosed spaces (only in this part), angst, a tiny bit of fluff.

notes: hi omg! my first series!!! i repurposed this first part from something I was writing for another fandom forever ago and it inspired me to make it into a series! hope you enjoy it!! tag list: @venusdaisies @mangogyu @idyllic-ghost

You didn’t want to admit that you were having a terrible day, but it was getting ridiculous at this point.

You managed to almost miss the train, get stuck on said train for an hour, and break a heel the moment you arrived at work. Luckily, you had a pair of tennis shoes on standby at your desk, but that pair of heels happened to be one of your favorites. You silently mourned your shoes and questioned your will to live throughout the day, praying that your luck would turn around. 

However, that wouldn’t happen. 

When you were sure the day couldn’t get any worse, you somehow lost your train card on the way home. Of course, you didn’t notice until you stepped into the station. You internally cursed yourself for fucking things up once again today, but you had to focus. You didn’t want to give up any more money for a new card, so you begrudgingly made the 40 minute walk back to your apartment.

Naturally, you weren’t expecting any more obstacles. You wanted the universe to spare you so badly and your body was spent from all the mishaps you handled throughout the day. You felt as if your body was floating as you walked into the apartment building, closing your eyes the moment you stepped onto the elevator. The ride to the 5th floor wasn’t nearly long enough, and the chime signaling your destination jolted you awake. You were almost at your apartment door when you heard a voice call your name.

“Y/N? Is that you?” The man’s voice called out excitedly, convinced that he knew you despite your back being turned. 

You slowly turned around, your eyes widening at the sight of the man in front of you. It was your ex-boyfriend, looking almost exactly the same as when you two dated. With the exception of a different hair color, his presence brought you back to the tumultuous points of their relationship. 

“Joshua! Hi! Yeah, it’s me,” You clutched your tote bag tightly out of instinct. Of course you see your ex when you looked and felt like shit. 

He still looked like the human embodiment of a golden retriever and now he had sandy blonde hair to match. It was actually unfair that he looked so well adjusted, so normal after all this time. He was just so happy and it lit a fire in the pit of your stomach.

You watched his eyes scan your body up and down, taking in the sight before him. “It’s crazy, I haven’t seen you since everything happened.”

“Yeah, since you cheated on me,” you responded with a sly grin. There was no reason to pretend with each other, especially since things ended so abruptly. You had spent too much time crying over him to not enjoy this moment.

“Yep,” Joshua replied quietly, clearly not prepared to be confronted with his past behaviors. 

“So I assume you’re still with her, then?” you asked.

“Yes, we actually moved into the building a few months ago,” Joshua softly smiled, seemingly trying to cut the tension between you two.

“That’s great,” You mustered the smallest bit of compassion for him, trying not to let your resentment rise to the surface. His new girlfriend was pretty enough, and it didn’t surprise you that Joshua had moved on to someone who eerily looked like you. If you had learned anything from that disaster of a relationship, it was that he definitely had a type. 

“How have things been for you?” Joshua asked, giving you almost no time to make a plan to respond. 

Would you tell Joshua the truth about your life? How you had been single ever since the breakup and hadn’t been able to quit your dead end job? Absolutely not. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you spotted your neighbor Minghao. You didn’t want to resort to anything crazy, but the situation required it. If you were going to lie, you would have to go all in. 

“I’m with Minghao,” you said it loud enough to catch the man’s attention. He stopped next to you, the confusion evident on his face. 

“What?” Minghao took out his headphones, staring at you as if you had two heads. 

“We’ve been together for a few years, actually,” you looked at him with a mix of desperation and kindness, silently hoping Minghao would play along for a few minutes.

He seemed to catch on pretty quickly, leaning on your shoulder and smiling fondly at you. Despite the minimal amount of contact you had with Minghao in the past, he was quick on his feet. 

“That’s great! Are you getting married?” Joshua pointed to Minghao’s silver band on his ring finger. He smirked at you, clearly interested in how you would dig yourself out of this.

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918 notes - Posted April 29, 2022

#3

1:02 am

kim mingyu x gn!reader

word count: 1k

warnings: alcohol, slightly stupid drunk antics, fluff

notes: did I just sit here and write an entire 1k word piece based off the pics mingyu just posted on instagram? yes. yes I did. and it’s cute as shit! not proofread at all sorry about it

tag list: @bfwonu @thetigeragenda @lavenderautumnx @husbandhoshi @soffrine @sapphichui @dokyeomblr @mangogyu

dinner dates with mingyu were always lovely, especially after a long work week. over big bowls of pork noodle soup, you both talk about the highs and lows of your week.

yet, this time, mingyu didn’t have anything to do the next day, so you both indulged in too many bottles of soju. by the time you were done with dinner, you were both a little too far gone to appear composed.

it didn’t help that it was pouring rain for most of your time in the restaurant, so you had both prolonged leaving for as long as possible.

“shit, is it still raining?” mingyu turns his head to look out the window, squinting his eyes a little too hard. it wasn’t hard to see the rain droplets stuck to the window, but everything he does while drunk is somehow more endearing than he already is.

you glance to see for yourself, but the rain seems to have stopped. “no, I think we’re good,” you exclaim. he gives you a slightly more exaggerated nod than usual and stands up from the table easily.

thankfully, you both organized your bowls and bottles before paying, so you didn’t feel too guilty standing up from the table and nearly stumbling. mingyu rushes to your side, catching your waist and helping you to the door.

“please don’t fall, we can’t bring more attention to ourselves,” he whispers not so quietly into your ear and it leaves you laughing a little bit too hard as he pushes the door open with his free arm.

you knew the elderly patrons were already staring at you before you left, but you couldn’t be too concerned.

you both make it outside and the smell of fresh rain hits your nose immediately. the large trees that lined your path back home were dripping, and you hoped the wind wouldn’t blow any of it on you.

you both walked a considerable amount before you realized mingyu was still clutching onto your waist, but his weight started to crush you.

his chest was exposed, so you took the chance to hit his skin with your hand to grab his attention. he freed his arm to clutch his chest in fake pain.

“you hit me!” he gaped at you, suddenly stopping in his tracks to face you.

“your grip was so tight that you were gonna break my waist in half!“ you exclaim, breaking into laughter before you could finish the sentence.

you keep walking without him by your side, you don’t wait for him to catch up and you start to think something is wrong before you turn around.

you see him take off running toward you with a devilish grin on his face. you scream in fake surprise and sprint away from him, you can hear the heaviness of his footsteps behind you but you’re convinced that you can outrun him.

you almost think you’re in the clear until you hear him right behind you.

“I’ve got you,” he snatches you up with a low growl, his arms are tightly wrapped around your middle while spinning you in a circle.

you’re only scared for a brief moment when your feet lift off the ground, but you screw your eyes shut to stop yourself from getting too dizzy.

“kim mingyu!” you scream his name over and over, each with a bit more laughter than the last until you can’t stop yourself from laughing.

you can hear his laughter ringing in your ears, it sounds so sweet that you want to sit in the feeling forever.

he finally places you down, taking a deep breath. you finally open your eyes to see that he’s beaming at you.

“you’re so pretty,” he says suddenly. he always has stars in his eyes while looking at you, but the way he stares at you tonight feels even more precious.

“you are too,” you reply.

“I love you,” he says it before he can catch himself. his eyes widen and he puts his hand over his mouth.

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987 notes - Posted July 16, 2022

#2

pretty party favor

kim mingyu x fem!reader

word count: 3.7k

tag list: @onlymingyus @junkissed @maijunejuly @hyucks-rose @freakyfriedrice @aceofvernons @fallinwoozi

warnings: not really enemies but they know and hate each other lol, gendered nicknames, reader has vagina, reader receiving head, overstimulation, squirting, slightly fluffy

a/n: hi this is halloween-esque but not necessarily spooky. just tension between idiots which I love to write! shoutout to june giving me the title to this + getting me to finish this with her comments on my google doc <3 pls enjoy

“get in the car.”

“fuck you,” you muttered under your breath.

“what was that?” mingyu spoke up again, clearly trying to push your buttons. he’s always done this, always acted as if he’s entitled to an answer even when it was none of his business.

you stopped in your tracks to look at him. “I said fuck you, prick,” you spat out, quickly facing your attention toward the path back home. 

you were coming back from a friend’s Y2K themed costume party which unfortunately meant taking the short walk back home in a denim miniskirt, a baby tee with a stupid saying on the front, and a pair of sneakers. it was a fun night, you drank sufficiently to the point where you felt light on your feet while walking home.

sure, your feet were comfortable, but it was still an inconvenience to walk back when it was cold and dark, but you typically never encountered any trouble since your apartment was located on a quiet residential street. 

however, tonight, mingyu had other plans. you thankfully managed to avoid him the entire night at the party, so much that you almost forgot he existed for a few hours. you spent the night catching up with friends that you hadn’t seen in a while because of work, gossiping a bit too much over red plastic cups, but you still spotted him occasionally doing the same thing. 

despite your friend group’s best efforts to help you make amends, you two didn’t get along one bit. there was too much tension for them to cut through as a collective group, so they eventually let it go in an effort to keep the peace. 

“get in the car right now. cheol’s gonna have my head if I don’t take you home, especially since you were drinking. I know you were taking shots all night,” he responds with that sly grin of his, you don’t even have to look at him to know. 

“that’s not true and cheol should know better than to expect me to ride with you,” your words slur slightly, exposing yourself a bit too much. you subsequently trip over your feet on a crack in the sidewalk, losing your balance momentarily.

you hear him laugh a bit too loud at the mistake and you feel your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. of course, he saw it and he’s not gonna let you forget about it either.

“you can’t even walk in sneakers right now! get in the car, princess, seriously,” he objects. you look over and you’re shocked that he’s still bored enough to keep up with you, it’s actively starting to piss you off.

“fuck, just let me fall on the pavement and die,” you yell into the air with your head tilted back, “you’re not even supposed to care what happens to me!” you turn your head to him again with a bewildered look.

“stop before you wake up the whole neighborhood,” he warns. “you know what, enough,” you hear him shut off the ignition and get out of the car, shutting the door behind him and meeting you on the sidewalk faster than you expected.

“you’re being ridiculous,” he points at you with an accusatory finger. 

you scoff. “do you think you’re gonna fuck me? is that why you’re doing this?” 

it feels wrong the moment you say it, but what else were you meant to say? he has notoriously only been friends with girls just to have weirdly long situationships with them, never establishing a proper relationship due to a lack of commitment. he thought it was convenient, you thought it was irritating.

“what? are you fucking kidding me?” he seethes, running his hands through his hair. you’ve really done it now, you don’t think you’ve ever seen him this flustered and angry at the same time. yet, it was the truth.

even when the rest of your friend group teased him, mingyu always took it without too much resistance, that’s just the kind of guy he is. 

“am I wrong? you think every girl you come into contact with wants to fuck you,” you insist, you cross your arms in front of your chest and stare at him intensely. 

“i’m doing this because you need to get home, whether I like you or not,” he clenches his jaw, not breaking eye contact for a second. it would probably scare you if you were less drunk, but you were feeling testy. 

“what happened to princess? hmm?” you smirk.

he barely lets you finish before he picks you up by the waist, doing his best to place you in the passenger seat despite you hitting his back with your fists.

“put me down!” you scream into his ear over and over until he’s somehow opened the door and clicks your seatbelt across your waist. you immediately shut up the moment he throws your discarded purse in your lap, you clutch it while looking down at your feet.

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1,313 notes - Posted October 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

fine line

figure skater!joshua hong x f!reader

synopsis: as a joshua fangirl, getting the chance to interview him as a teenager was an absolute dream. 10 years later with a flourishing career as a writer and a strained relationship with him, he wants to do a 10 year reunion interview about his path to the upcoming Olympics. there’s only one problem: you’re staying at his house and trying not to address your old feelings for him.

word count: 19.9k

tag list: @junhui-recs @bfwonu @huiranghaes

warnings: figure skater!joshua, writer/fangirl!reader, best friend!jeonghan, dad!seungcheol, smut, fluff, angst, some occasional skating jargon, this is a lot about the Olympics

a/n: y’all. this fic has been reworked over and over and over since spring 2022, it’s the longest fic I’ve ever done. it’s given me so much trouble and seen me through so many changes in my life. doing my final undergrad dance show, writing my undergrad capstone, finishing undergrad, and finding my first apartment. it is my baby and has grown as much as I have since march. thank you to the sports au discord for being so lovely <3 I hope you enjoy it as always and I hope you can feel how much heart I put into this! this is for @gyukult’s sports au collab + this is loosely based on the plot of the book “funny you should ask” by elissa sussman which I can’t recommend enough! title also inspired by the harry styles song ok bye lmao <3

Work isn’t particularly difficult, in your opinion. You’re used to hearing the people around you complain about how much their workload consumes them to a point of no return, but as you made your way into your first adult job as a writer, you tried to stop that from happening.

It’s not exactly easy when you have to navigate the entertainment industry while writing, but the idea of trying to craft new narratives about celebrities that the public is convinced that they know inside and out still excites you.

Even if you’re not exactly fond of whoever you’re writing about, the challenge still intrigues you. Thus, the conversations surrounding ideas for new profiles are always equal parts captivating and nerve-wracking.

“How do you feel about Joshua Hong?” Your manager asks. You look up to see her balancing her weight on the side of your desk, a neutral expression paints her face.

She knows this is a loaded question, all things considered.

“You know how I feel about him,” You blink at her before facing your computer again.

“I do, but I need an updated response considering the anniversary,” She persists. You sigh, swiveling around to face her again before responding.

“He’s great. I like him,” Your voice trails off, you try to nod to convince her, but it’s not working.

Your life has been so intertwined with Joshua Hong’s career as a professional figure skater that it’s hard to delineate life before and after him. He wasn't there, then one day he seemed to consume your life completely.

Before your start as a journalist, you ran a very well-known, albeit secretive, blog about Joshua Hong as a teenager. It was relatively harmless and safe for work, spare the occasional thirst posts sprinkled in. It mostly contained updates about the then emerging skater’s career, offering illegal torrent links for broadcasts of his performances that weren’t available worldwide and communicating with other fans about your love for him. Yet, some random post about him qualifying for the Olympics went insanely viral when you were 17, garnering over 1 million shares in under a week.

It was substantial enough to get his management's attention, and you had the opportunity to interview him not only for your blog but for a major publication for their Winter Olympics coverage series.

With two opportunities to write about him, you were able to fulfill the fan service pleas from your fellow fans for the blog and write a serious piece that made the general public interested in him from the perspective of a fan that knew the general timeline of his career.

The quick success felt like a fluke, but it led you to an undergraduate degree and a dream job as an entertainment writer at one of your favorite companies almost immediately after graduation.

He technically made your career, whether you wanted to admit it or not.

You’ve been trying to forget about the anniversary, but everyone in your life seems determined to bring it up whenever they see you.

“Well, we want you to do a 10-year reunion interview piece with him. That’s only if you want to,” Her voice was sympathetic, but you’re mainly focused on the number. It really had been 10 years, hadn’t it?

You were both incredibly established in your respective careers, him as a 5-time gold medalist with appearances at 3 Olympic Games, and you with a prolific image as a relatable yet incisive celebrity interviewer. It completely makes sense for you two to meet again, considering how much the first interview changed the trajectory of your lives.

It would feed into the nostalgia of Joshua fans that grew up alongside you as readers of your blog and new fans that clamored for any new Joshua content.

Yet, you weren’t exactly convinced.

“I mean, his team could’ve had anyone else write a big profile on him. We’re not the only website in the world with an entertainment section,” You fight the urge to bite your nails and instead choose to wring your hands together.

“He asked us to do it,” She admits.

You try not to look too shocked, but that definitely changes things. You were not close with Joshua whatsoever. Sure, he’d occasionally like your social media posts and wish you a happy birthday every year, but that was the extent of your relationship.

Your teenage self thinks it might be him looking for closure, wondering what might have happened if you stayed in touch.

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1,656 notes - Posted September 5, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[spinef0ryou]

I think it's a bit weird that people are getting so made about some peopld calling out bc for using lyrics like bitches and hoes in their songs. And some time ago someone brought up niko's chloroform joke and people got very mad (the joke turned out to be reference to something (?). Like some people are new to this music genre and cant possibly know everything bc might be referencing! And some people might even like just bc and listen to a completely different genre normally so theres no way everyone can be aware of everything. And i dont understand the logic that because so many other band use these misogynistic lyrics, it it okay for bc to use them as well?? (Tho i get the context in snake for example) but yeah, this is not hate i am just trying to have the discussion on this point of view as well🖤

my opinion on this whole thing is very much coloured from the fandoms i came from (slipknot, murderdolls, dope (who are pretty tame)) so i did think it (edit: the og callout) was weird. but i also saw that op’s blog and what they usually post about which shed some light on their perspective. (though i have Many thoughts about that fandom due to personal bad or neutral experiences with it. and that has probably coloured my view on this as well)

the chloroform joke out of context is pretty bad taste. within context it’s maybe funny. or gives you an inside joke kinda feel, but imo that’s why context is important (i’m an historian so i will scream about the importance of context until the end of time). if i’d never heard hollywood undead and just heard the joke then i’d be like wtf and try to find out. (the song is called dead bite and the lyric is ‘i know that we have never really met before, but tell me does this rag smell like chloroform’. i don’t know if it’s a reference or if the band made it up) and then when i know i’d be like. oh! joke referencing a band bc toured with! poor taste joke but eyyy i see the reference. (and even if i didn’t know that they toured together, hollywood undead are one of the biggest bands of the past twenty years, and that’s one of their more famous songs)

i do think modern cancel culture jumps the gun every time and especially with tumblr (and the rest of the internet but i’m usually here) being the way it is, things get blown up and mountains get made out of molehills. people do that and then when there’s an actual problem no one listens to them (or anyone) and it’s just a horrible mess.

and like i said: context is pretty important. we like to act like bc are a very new band because they are for a lot of people, but they’ve been together since 2013. internet and social media culture has exploded in the past decade, so even with the unlisted and deleted videos, there a lot of content of them out there (and those videos i think have been saved). eight years worth of content is of course not easy to get through but skipping over it or not being properly informed about the band doesn’t give someone a good position to air complaints from.

i think it was @bigsoftkatiedotpng who mentioned (i think it was cultural or social anthropology? i hope that’s right dude!) and growing up in a misogynistic society means some misogynistic things will filter to you without realising them. and to (i suppose) further that thought a bit, i think we forget that whilst bc do have a lot of pop punk and pop and emo aspects to them, they did start off as more of a nu metal band. nu metal was never exactly known for being especially feminist (to put it lightly), which actually leaves me surprised at the lack of songs calling a woman a bitch or hoe. and yeah. like you said, it’s not just bc who use that language. i’ve made a joke both here and on twitter about someone calling joel a misogynist that they should listen to the song bitch by dope whilst jokingly calling it a feminist anthem. breakups hurt and they suck and if it was instigated by one person cheating, of course there’s going to be strong feelings involved. but to get mad at one band for using that language but not others seems odd and a waste of time to me.

and a final note that you didn’t address but i haven’t seen other people talk about do i might as well talk about it here is that no one is putting bc on a pedestal and saying they can do no wrong. the response to someone calling joel a misogynist was to go heavily the other way, not because we don’t think he can do any wrong, but because he continuously gets shit for no reason and it’s unfair on him. the worst example i’ve seen was someone on the youtube comments of an interview from when they got back in finland after rotterdam where someone said they thought he was on drugs because he was fidgety. they didn’t back down even after the interviewer got involved and said he wasn’t. that hit more than a few nerves with a lot of people. also, considering that substance abuse can common with adhd, it can be an extra insult for some. another example was him reposting things to his insta story of like. fan stuff. and some of the insta fandom got the Big Mad about it and saying things that amounted to ‘she looks fifteen so that’s a bit dodgy’

[cowboy-canoodler]

Paying back what you owe (Adachi Koichi x GN! Reader) 18+ SMUT

Tags: Giving Oral, Giving Blowjob, Age difference, Walk into a bar, Alcohol, Reader, Reader-Insert, Gender Neutral Reader, Chance Meetings, Reunion, Praise Kink, Dominant Reader

—

Walking the streets of Ijincho at night was always a toss of the coin. One night it’ll be quiet, no thugs, perverts, or any distractions, but other nights? All of the above. You were walking home from work, a regular day job of typing in numbers that somehow made a difference to how the company operated. Not like you cared about your job as long as you got paid right and on time but today you were in a good mood, Fridays were always your favourite day of the week as you always walked to a bar to cap off your week of working with a pricey drink.

Perhaps a whiskey today.

You realised you had been walking around deep in thought for a while and had ended up by Fukutoku park, a spot known for perverts who exposed themselves to passers by with nary a bashful look in their eye. A chill ran down your spine and you looked around, expecting to see a man in a big brown coat run up to you but there was nothing there, just the far off noise of cars driving by mixed in with the nearby river.

“Sheesh-“ you sighed and began walking towards the Bar district, “I need to calm down.” Your usual haunt, Bar Rodriguez, was still standing but had become stale and small, meagre ambient music and even worse company so, without even thinking about it, you walked past and came up to Survive Bar, one you hadn’t drank at recently but you remember they had the most divine drinks.

“I think I’m sold” you whispered to yourself as a spring jumped into your step along with the excitement of trying out a new drink.

The bar was empty, a piano against the wall by the door, a couple of seats by the bar and low seats by another wall, and a karaoke stage in the corner of the room. The bartender raised his gaze from the glass he was polishing as you walked over and sat down at the far side of the bar, placing your belongings on the floor beside you.

“Whiskey please” you replied to the bartender's silent question, he nodded and turned to grab a bottle, “not that one, the ¥4000 one please” he placed the bottle down and reached for the one you had requested, still silent which was actually rather comforting as it gave you the opportunity to take in the ambience. The music was soft and inviting, perfect to accompany the soothing atmosphere you were about to create around yourself. Maybe this would be your new go to bar.

As he placed the drink in front of you the door opened and a ragtag team of four walked in laughing and joking, shattering what you were hoping to accomplish. You slyly looked over and was greeted with, what seemed like, a familiar sight. A man with fuzzy brown hair, a bright red suit, and a smile to rival the sun. A classy woman who held herself in high regard while also staying loose and carefree with her friends. Another man with fuzzy hair except he had glasses and a large, green overcoat. Then finally another man, tall and built well, you were pretty sure nothing could knock him down should it try, he had greying hair and lines on his forehead from years of frowning, but also a gutterly laugh that seemed to be infectious.

And what did you have?

Jealousy.

You had never had friends with whom you could act this way around, and a pit of envy formed within your stomach as you turned back and sipped your liquid gold. You heard them talk and laugh as they walked past the bartender waving and collecting a few bentos on the way, the only one of them that stayed was the older gentleman who sat down at the bar, an audible groan escaping him which caused your pit of envy to turn to a breathless thought of arousal. It had been a while since you had gotten any but hearing a man groan because his back aches shouldn’t have been the thing to let you know about it. He glanced over at you and caught you staring, but you didn’t shy away and look back at your drink like others would, instead you chose to look him up and down with half lidded eyes and a small smirk before gracefully returning your gaze to your own drink.

That was sure to catch his attention.

A gravelly voice coughed to clear his throat and then rang out as he ordered a drink of “somethin’ cheap” a stark contrast to the slightly expensive whiskey you were sipping. Once more the bartender silently agreed and turned around to pour out a cheap sake but you interrupted that with a request.

“Order something with a little kick and I’ll pay for it, my treat” you glanced over at his reaction as you took another sip of your drink. He who had taken your interest pointed at himself accompanied with a smile and a half-hearted chuckle.

“Guess I’m having what they’re having then” he stood up and walked over to you, gesturing to the seat next to yours which you agreed to let him take. The bartender agreed and placed the drink down, a soft “here” as your newfound interest smiled and took it.

“Thanks for that, real nice of you” he raised his glass and you raised yours, clinking them together and smiling. “I’m Adachi”

“Y/N, it’s nice to meet you Adachi-san”

“Likewise, say” he took a sip of his drink and turned towards you, “you buy people drinks at bars often?”

You chuckled and looked over at your drink, “no, I actually don’t, I prefer buying my own drinks” you raised the glass to your lips and took another sip.

“So, why me?” Adachi did the same and you smiled down at the glass as you set it down on the bar.

“You and your- uhh- friends?” You pointed upstairs and Adachi chuckled knowing whom you were talking about, “you guys saved me one time, y’know, on part time hero?.” Adachi’s eyes widened as he slightly choked on his sip.

“Shit- really?” He lightly banged his chest and coughed.

You chuckled with a slight heat coming to your face, “I know right? I was actually getting mugged on my way home from work, it all happened so fast I couldn’t thank you guys properly” you turned and gave Adachi a sincere, perhaps slightly drunk, smile, “but now I can”

Adachi laughed and raised his glass, “then I’m glad we could help someone as gorgeous as you then, means we could meet again”

“Gorgeous, huh?” You raised an eyebrow and smirked, lightly biting down on the tip of your tongue between your teeth.

He smiled back at you with an equally playful stare, “I’m not one to lie, especially when I’m bought a drink”

You both took a sip and a soft silence fell over you, the sound of laughs echoing from upstairs. “Say, why aren’t you with them?” You nodded upwards and Adachi followed, looking toward the ceiling and the source of noise.

“I wasn’t feeling it, plus there’s only one futon up there-“ Adachi gestured with his free hand and chuckled, “-you do the math”

“Four to one futon doesn’t sound comfortable at all,” you drank the last of your drink and placed the glass down, the previous light warmth of alcohol now replaced with a deepening heat of bad decisions and arousal, “how would you like to have just two in a futon tonight?” You stood up and smoothed down your clothes before grabbing your belongings and turning to Adachi who looked lost. “I live nearby, if you wanna join me that is?”

“Oh y-yeah!” Adachi perked up and drank the rest of his drink before standing up and walking over to the door, a small spring in his step. You smiled and reached for your money, sliding ¥20,000 towards the bartender who looked puzzled.

“That’s for our drinks, and use what’s left for their tab” you nodded to the upstairs once more and turned to leave, walking through the door Adachi was holding open for you.

Both of you walked along the river towards your apartment, the cool night air keeping you company as the silence became awkward. You coughed and playfully bumped your shoulder into your company, “I know I just did it but I- uhh- I don’t usually do this”

“Do what?”

“Pick people up in bars, buying them drinks and sweet talking them. This is actually my first time meeting someone in a while” you shyly itched the back of your neck and looked up at your companion, who had a genuine look of surprise on his face.

“If it’s any consolation, it’s been a while for me too” a noise mimicking a ‘huh?’ came from you and Adachi smiled, “probably around three years? Sheesh could even be more-“

“Three years?!” You stopped in your tracks as Adachi laughed.

“Yeah, haha, all clogged up and a guy can only do so much, y’know? Uhh- wait I probably shouldn’t say things like that-“

You giggled and started walking again, linking your arm through his and pulling him, “it’s fine, to be honest with you,” you stopped and turned him towards you, leaning onto your tiptoes and putting your lips against his ear, “I’m kind of hoping you’ll let me unclog you, if you get what I mean” you heard a light gasp escape Adachi as he struggled for words, you leaned back and spotted his cheeks heating up with a hot blush. “Hmm? Would you be interested in that, Adachi-san? It’s not like I wasn’t hinting at it before, at the bar?”

“Yeah no I- I did get it then, but I kind of assumed maybe you just wanted me to walk you home or something and then we’d get there and you’d say somethin’ like ‘well thanks for walking me home!’ and I’d be left in the col-” Adachi realised he was rambling and coughed nervously, you smiled at him as he noticed your faces were mere inches apart, whiskey soaked breath intermingling as you admired his handsome features.

“Of course I wanted you to walk me home,” you kissed his cheek and slid your hand around Adachi’s waist, pulling him closer, “so you could join me tonight, would you like to?”

Adachi cleared his throat and nodded with an affirmative hum, you smiled and leaned in to kiss him. His lips were soft within the scratching of his beard, your bodies pressed together as you pushed him towards a nearby wall, of which Adachi willingly complied. He allowed you to push him back as his hands rested on your hips, his own rolling into you and you both kissed within the moonlight. Gentle gasps and sloppy sighs resonated between the both of you as your hands explored each other, Adachi’s fuller frame a welcome feeling amongst the cool night air.

His hands manoeuvred you just the same, worn out leather sliding under your untucked work shirt, his other hand cupping the back of your head, keeping your lips locked against his as you both tongued and bit at each other. Breathless gasps interrupted the Ijincho sounds, the far off talk of passers by mixed with cars and the rolling of the river as you and Adachi ravaged each other, months and years of pent up sexual energy bursting out in the dingy alley.

“Wait-“ you pulled away but Adachi followed, his lips kissing your neck as you stood back, attempting to regain your composure within his grip was futile. Just having his beard scratch up your neck was driving you wild, not to mention the exploring hands and soft moans that threatened to put you onto your knees and worship him right now. “Adachi-san, wait-”

His voice was a hoarse whisper against your ear, “Hm? What is it?”

You breathed for a few seconds so you could at least try to sound composed, “I live nearby- hah- we should at least try to get to my apartment before- y’know.” Adachi agreed but not before planting another deep kiss on your lips and smirking, keeping that sexual energy brimming within you both.

While the walk was short, it was arduous. Your hand played around with his, kisses on the cheek were snuck in as well as playful pokes and jabs. Both of you desperately trying to ignore what was ignited within you, with no success, more than a few times you’d snuck in a look to Adachi’s half-chubbed tent within his trousers in the passing lights, each time reminding you, and your body, what you had to look forward to. A couple of minutes passed and you came up to your apartment complex, casually opening the door for Adachi, who thanked you, before following, taking the both of you to your living space.

Usually your apartment was cold and empty, but not tonight. Adachi complimented your clean living space and looked around happily taking it all in, the things you had thought as simple were stars within his eyes. “This is a real nice place, Y/N-kun!” Adachi turned to face you with a smile on his lips as you placed your things down and took off your shoes, a little more sober than you had been before.

“Is it?” You looked around confused as to what was standing out, “it’s a pretty normal place to my standards”

“I sleep in a room with 3 other people ninety percent of the time, this is some good shit” you laughed along with his wry chuckle and walked over to him offering a seat on your couch, which he gladly took.

You sat next to him, crossing your legs and placing your head on your hand, your other hand came to his jacket, fingers lightly playing around with his zipper “I suppose next to those standards I live in a palace” you chuckled and met his soft gaze, “kind of a lonely one though”

“Oh?” Adachi’s gloved hand came to your thigh, fingers resting lightly upon the fabric of your trousers, “is there something you’d like to do about that, Y/N-kun?” Adachi’s tone was playful, his hand caressed along your thigh which sent shocks through your legs into your spine, your body heating up at the physical contact and the promise of a sexual endeavour.

“Trust the ex-cop to read me like a book.”

He raised a curious eyebrow, “I didn’t tell you I was a cop.”

A small smirk tugged at the corner of your mouth as a hushed tone left you, “you didn’t need to.” In one swift move you lifted your leg over him and straddled his thighs, wrapping your arms around Adachi’s neck and kissing his startled lips through his heavy grunt of surprise. Your hands clasped and gripped at his hair, tugging and pulling as your hips rolled along his pelvis. You could feel him getting hard underneath you and it only served to make you want him more, your own body heating up the cold confines of your lonely living space.

Both of you moaned against each other’s lips, gasps and sighs filling the air as Adachi’s hands, once again, roamed your body. Sliding within your shirt like you hadn’t even left the dank alleyway, leather caressing along your back as his bitten to the bone nails attempted a light scratch. Your hands continued to tug at his hair, dominating the man below you and controlling just how he was allowed to kiss you, yanking on his scalp to drag his head back, with a horny gasp, so you could bite his neck, pulling him to the side just to kiss down on his jawline, but Adachi didn’t resist. In fact, he willingly let himself be controlled by you and he was enjoying every moment.

“I think,” you mumbled into Adachi’s neck before pecking kisses along his jaw, “-It’s time I cleared those pipes, hmm?”

“I think so too” Adachi pushed his dick against your ass and you got a slight feel for how big he was underneath those trousers of his. Just at the feeling of his dick on you your mouth was salivating, this newfound desire to have his flesh fill it to the brim before cumming down your throat. You wanted him moaning your name like a dog whining while waiting outside of the store for their owner to come back, you wanted his knees to twitch and his toes to curl, you wanted sweat to pool on his brow as he let go of the last 3 years.

One last deep kiss on his lips before you slid down his legs, getting onto your knees in front of him. He was out of breath already, face red and lips parted with sheen of saliva dripping into his scruff. You revelled in it, watching the burly man unhinged and shivering with anticipation of your mouth around his dick was a beautiful sight to behold, and the desperate feeling for you to satisfy him was only growing. Your hands worked quickly to unbutton his trousers and shuffle them down along with his underwear. Adachi lifted his hips to help and his cock sprang free, hitting the base of his jacket with a soft tap.

He was big. Bigger than you had anticipated, not long but god he had girth. At least 7 inches with a wide base and thick veins pulsating with his heartbeat. Your jaw was aching just looking at it but the saliva pooling under your tongue was telling a different story. You bit your bottom lip before licking them for lubrication and kissing the tip. Adachi let out a soft sigh and let his head roll back as you began to massage his dick, your hand gripping tightly as you licked and kissed at the tip, tasting the salty pre-cum on your tongue, a small appetiser before the main meal.

With innocent eyes you looked up, making eye contact with a bashful Adachi, before wrapping your mouth around his dick and taking him in as far as you could go. By the shriek of his gasp you had taken him by surprise, his hand gripped a fistful of your hair before he realised and let go, instead choosing to rest his hand on the crook of your neck, ready to push you down at a moment's notice should he feel the need to. You hoped he would feel the need to.

Each bob of your head threatened your gag reflex, his tip lightly grazing your gullet as a choke rose within your throat. His girth stretched your lips as wide as they could go as your hand massaged that which you weren’t able to reach. Saliva dripped down your chin as yours and Adachi’s grunts filled the room, yours being sloppy and wet, and Adachi’s full of pleasure and relief. You lifted your mouth with a satisfying ‘pop’ of your lips off of his tip and proceeded to lick up the shaft, your hand continuing to massage what your mouth had abandoned.

Adachi was already twitching, his heavy sighs and restless grip a clear indicator that he wasn’t going to last long. “You look so cute, Adachi-san,” you commented before returning to licking his dick, a surprised ‘huh?’ escaped him but not before it was replaced by a low moan, his hand slowly entwining into your hair ready to push you down when you returned to wrapping your lips around his sweet sweet dick, “-if I were a nastier person I’d tease your orgasm for hours just to see you squirm like this some more but-“ you licked up his shaft, tongue pressed firmly against his cock, and smiled “I’m a very nice person who wants to see you lose your fucking mind as you cum down my throat.”

“Hah- it’s gonna be real soon Y/N-kun” his voice was wavering with each word, sweat clearly beading along his brow as the heat radiated off of his body and the dick within your grip twitched, getting quicker and quicker as his heartbeat rose with the incoming orgasm. By now you had stars in your eyes, living vicariously through Adachi’s pleasure to relieve some of your own pent up horniness. He looked down at you once more and you met his desperate stare before pushing your mouth and throat to their breaking points by taking all of his cock in at once, gag reflex coming up slightly as you choked but you couldn’t leave. Adachi’s grip was keeping you thoroughly pressed against him and his hips began to roll into you, fuckinf your throat as he climbed and climbed to his climax.

No longer was he holding back moans, swears were mixed in with gasps, sighs, and whimpers of your name. You were almost choking, tears built up within your eyes but you held strong knowing that he was going to cum at any time now.

And he did.

Semen painted your throat as Adachi howled in relief, your neighbours surely hearing his rapturous sighs of pleasure, knowing it was you giving it to this mystery man by the tell tale sign of him almost screaming your fucking name. It was salty and unpleasant but you weren’t one to refuse a meal, he was cumming so hard you barely even had to swallow, instead choosing to let it drip down as you attempted to encourage it with his dick still inside of you. Adachi’s hand fell down and you were free to lift yourself off, a wistful sigh leaving you as you pulled your aching lips from around his milked dick.

You sat back on your ass, resting your knees for a moment, and wiped the mixture of cum and saliva from your chin. Adachi, on the other hand, was tucking himself away, a shy look of embarrassment on his face which worried you.

“Is something wrong Adachi-san?”

He looked sheepish, “I- uhm- I came really quickly and…” he sighed and leaned forward, placing his elbows onto his knees, “I don’t think I can go again, at least not tonight and-“

“I know” Adachi raised his eyebrows in surprise and you chuckled, “I came into this knowing that Adachi-san and, to be honest, just getting to blow you and see you cum has done wonders for me.”

“Oh… but now I feel bad cause-“ he gestured up and down with his hand, “-Y’know”

Another wry chuckle before you leaned forward and placed a kiss on his cheek, “I’ll be alright, consider this paying you back for saving me. Just you though, I’m not about to blow your entire friend group”

“After that display I wouldn’t let you, I’d prefer to keep you to myself”

“Well… maybe you can.”

[idk-my-aesthetic]

Ok the whole thing w/ clogging up ao3 tags is stupid for multiple reasons, like how it fucks with screen readers for one, but the MAJOR issue is that having too many tags isn’t actually a problem w/ ao3

Like seriously guys? There is a lot to criticize. And I say this as someone who heavily relied on fandom spaces to get me through some really really hard times and still loves ao3. I can say I love what it does for fandom while also acknowledging there’s some seriously fucked up shit going on both behind the scenes and with ppl who use the site. It’s literally like saying “I love tumblr but I acknowledge there are literal nazis on here and as a Jew/human with a working brain I hate them and that they’ve been here so long”

Like. I get u think ur sticking it to the man or whatever. And idk I partially agree bc. There’s so much nasty shit and some technically illegal shit that I don’t want to even mention! But ur not even wasting the moderators time or anything ur just being obnoxious and then everyone starts discoursing on tumblr and I’m legitimately tired of it. I don’t wanna see ppl defending gross stuff and I’m tired of talking about the ppl who do defend gross stuff bc I don’t wanna remember that they exist bc I have shit to do irl and not enough space in my brain for them

So. Idk ima propose at least a temporary solution before I have to hear one more argument for or against censorship bc y’all seriously don’t understand how to have a nuanced conversation

How about instead of asking AO3 to take down gross fics (which may or may not be morally correct but will 100% reopen a very over done conversation) instead we ask for some specific plausible things

1) when you use ao3 explicit and unrated fics are automatically filtered out. They do this on ff.net. Yes it may be like 2 extra clicks for ppl who wanna read explicit stuff but ppl who don’t are going to do that anyway, and it protects the people who don’t know to do that and don’t want to read graphic tags. Most importantly it requires consent to browse explicit fics. Yeah you need to give consent to read explicit stuff, but you can look through the incredibly graphic tags/summaries without consenting to anything. It’s literally the default. Which is both upsetting to ppl who don’t wanna see that and also maybe a bit of a legal loophole they should close up

2) a “suggest tags” feature. This would be moderated by authors not ao3 staff. Basically ppl can like..... idk entire a series of tags and you can choose if you want to add them or not. The person submitting them has an option to be anonymous or not. Obviously the author doesn’t have to add every random tag and it might be annoying but it would help with making sure triggers got tagged. It would be helpful if it didn’t let you suggest tags that were already suggested/on the fic but I’m not too picky. Like I said the point of this is to make sure ppl can block stuff properly, and it honestly might also help authors with visibility bc like. Obviously you know the tags you use but you don’t know what tags other ppl look for. Again maybe it may be obnoxious with ppl having a lot of tags but people already have a lot of tags

3) a dispute rating button. Now before someone bitches at me that the ao3 moderators don’t have time to go through disputes- I know I already took that into consideration. Basically the idea is when you dispute the rating the site will ask you what rating you think it should be and anonymously log it. So if someone rated something M but you think it should be an E the site will log that and send a message to the author. The author has a choice if they actually want to listen to ppl and change the rating or not. They don’t actually have to listen to the ppl disputing the rating. Unless they get a certain amount of disputes. I was thinking maybe like 50 or so?* So if 50 ppl say “hey this really needs to have a different rating” then and only then would the moderators take a look at the fic. And the moderators would then figure out what the rating should be.

(*idk if 50 is the right #. I was thinking it should maybe work on like a percentage of your hits in the fic?)

3.5) have a sexual content marker. This is marked as 3.5 bc i feel like this idea if implemented would be misused. But yeah in theory you could just have a sexual content marker that could be clicked by the OP and then automatically filtered. Again you could use the system from #3 but again I feel like ppl would missuse it.

Anyway yeah. I wanted to give some viable solutions ppl on both sides might actually agree with. Like I get not wanting to make concessions with gross ppl, but it’s a lot faster so I’m ok with doing it for now while the rest of y’all continue to debate or w/e

Final note- please for the love of g-d learn how ratings work. Ask someone else’s opinion if you have too. I have seen so many explicit fics marked as mature or teen it’s a legitimate problem. I’ll give a quick rundown of what each rating means but pls guys

General- g- basically go by what you’d see in a Disney cartoon

Teen- pg/pg 13 - there are swears there’s violence, sex may be mentioned, you might call someone sexy or smthn idc, but no one is shown having sex or or discussing/thinking about it in detail

Mature- R - injuries/gore may be described with more detail. Uhh there could be some heavy making out and the characters might talk about sex or feeling sexually attracted to someone. But actual sex is not shown!! If you have to mention or refer to someone’s genetalia in any sexual way you should probably move it up to an E. Even if ur characters are fully clothed the entire time. Also If you’re talking about kinks outside of a quick joke or reference you should probably move it up to an E.

Explicit- NC 17- sexually explicit content. (You can put non-sexual violent stuff under here but most ppl leave it under mature)

TLDR/oversimplification(for the ratings) -

General: nothing sexual

Teen: implied sex

Mature: refrenced sex

Explicit: shown sex

General tldr:

Some criticisms of Ao3 are valid and needed, and some are just stupid and infuriating (specifically talking about the tag thing stop it’s annoying and ableist). There is constant arguments and drama surrounding those criticisms, and I decided to offer some solutions that actually have a chance at getting implemented, even if I would prefer a different option.

[funky-boat-zone]

can this be a “pilot episode” if it’s a fic—

(the first fic for my salty’s lighthouse au is finally done! enjoy (or don’t). also it’s not going on ao3 because there’s no tag for this show and i don’t wanna clog the tugs tag.)

It was 6:30 in the morning, with the sun just starting to cast its light over Snugboat Harbor. All twelve tugs (plus Grampus) waited in front of Captain Star’s window for their orders. No one knew what they were waiting for besides the fact that Star had specifically asked the Zero Fleet to wait at her window instead of his.

Ten Cents yawned. “Why’d Captain bring the Zeroes here instead of just waiting for Zero to come to work?”

“What, do you have a problem with us staying at your dock?” Zorran snapped, Zug glancing apologetically at Ten Cents on his behalf.

Ten Cents sputtered in irritation. “No, of course not! Sheesh, are you sure you’re not the one with a prob—“

“Have some respect! If she called all of us over, it must be something serious!” Top Hat protested.

“D’ya think somebody sunk?” ZB tactlessly wondered aloud to Zak, earning him a few horrified looks from his fellow tugs.

“Well if the Coast Guard’s not here, it probably wasn’t someone that important.” Zak replied, only to spot Zorran glaring at him. “… What?”

“Shh, here she comes!” Hercules ordered, which promptly stopped the boats’ chatter.. for the time being, anyway.

Sure enough, a blue and white-striped megaphone popped out of the window. “Star Fleet, Zeroes, Boomer’s owner wants to know if Snugboat Harbor has the right kind of jobs for him and he’s coming to assist you all with work today! Whether or not he decides to stay, I expect you all to be on your best behavior!” With that, she returned to her office, closing the window on the way and leaving the tugs to talk amongst themselves until Boomer inevitably arrived.

Ten Cents groaned. “Oh no, what’d we do?”

“What do ya mean?” Zip asked.

“He’s jinxed! Cursed! No reasonable captain would make their tugs work with Boomer unless it was some kind of punishment!” Big Stack cried.

Ten Cents’ sighed. “I remember when he wanted to ‘help us out’ with a liner.”

“How’d that go?” Sunshine asked, although she quickly realized her mistake when she saw how Ten Cents’ face fell. “… Too soon?”

“Lighten up everyone, it’s not like he means to bring bad luck.” Warrior chided.

“And it’s not like Sunshine means to run bow-first into other tugs because she can’t take two seconds to look where she’s going, what’s your point?” Zorran argued, ignoring Sunshine’s cry of “Hey!” from across the jetty.

“Can’t we at least try to be nice to him?” Sunshine suggested. “Who knows? Maybe his luck will turn if we stop acting like everything he does is bad luck, just saying.”

The dead silence from both fleets indicated that they weren’t feeling inclined to take her suggestion.

—

Roughly an hour later, ZB spotted a tug in an orange worker’s cap and matching livery entering the harbor. What stood out to him the most was the tape and bandages covering the vessel, no doubt covering the cracks, dents, and holes from his countless accidents. “Must be Boomer.” He thought aloud to himself, pulling his barges out of the way so he could pass by. From how far away the other tug was, there was almost no way Boomer would actually hit the barges, but better safe than sorry, right?

Almost as soon as the tug in the orange cap was out of sight, ZB heard Zero cry “Watch the dock, watch the dock— I said *watch the dock!*”, which was in turn followed by a loud thunk and Zero lamenting the damage to his newly-repaired dock.

“Yep, has to be Boomer.” ZB corrected himself.

—

Much to the dismay of everyone, including the captains, Boomer’s first job for the day involved helping Warrior and Big Stack transport explosives. Both fleets were ordered to give them plenty of room, which they gladly did, excessively so: Not just because it was captain’s orders, but because no one wanted to be hit with flying shrapnel in case this job went wrong.

“C’mon, I’m pretty sure we don’t need to give them that much room.” Hercules sighed, noticing how both fleets were stationed almost a liner’s length apart from each other. Despite his reassurance, no one made a move to get closer.

“Well, I may end up in a museum someday, but that day will not be today and my exhibit will not be one on shipwrecks!” Top Hat argued, earning a few eye-rolls from the rest of his fleet.

“Really, you guys need to stop assuming the worst of him! He’s not even the one towing the explosives, there’s no possible way he could—!“ Hercules was interrupted by an explosion, followed quickly by Big Stack proclaiming “I’m okay!” in the distance. He looked to his horrified fleet. “O-Okay, that was just a fluke! Besides, it doesn’t sound like all the barges exploded—!” As if on cue, there was another explosion.. And another. And another. Warrior, Big Stack, and Boomer met up with their fleet and were thankfully all still afloat and intact, albeit covered in soot and understandably shaken.

“… Did you manage to save any of the barges?” Top Hat squeaked out, looking at the smoke rapidly rising in the distance.

“Some of them! Well, I don’t know how much good they’ll be, since they’re.. kinda-sorta—well, very much on fire now.” Boomer stammered. “But we tried!” Almost immediately after Boomer stopped speaking, there was a bright orange light in the distance, with all the tugs recognizing it as a fire.

Sunshine winced as her fleet scattered and passed her to find the Fire Chief. Ten Cents sighed.

At the very least, the blaze was only the second worst fire he’d ever seen in port.

—

“Who needs the Star Fleet? Zero’s been looking for another tug anyway.” Zorran noted as Boomer and the rest of the Zero Fleet prepared to pull down a group of old buildings. “Now, all you have to do is secure your line to these buildings, sound your whistle to make sure everyone gets clear, and pull them down.” There’s no possible way Boomer could mess this up, it’s so easy that even Zip and Zug can do it!

Boomer did as he was instructed, sounding his whistle as soon as he got his line on the building’s superstructure. The rest of the Zero Fleet stayed back, shut their eyes, and waited for the sound of the building to come down.

… And waited. And waited.

“I’m not hearing any…” Zug stammered to try and find the right word before settling for just poorly imitating the sound of a building falling down. “Y’know, any of that.”

“Zorran?” Boomer called. “It’s— Uh, the building’s not coming down!”

“… What?” Zorran asked incredulously.

“I think I made myself pretty clear, I’ve been—“ Boomer stopped to catch his breath, “I’ve been at it for at least a few minutes and it hasn’t budged.”

Zorran steamed over to where Boomer was struggling, wondering how he could fail such a simple task. “Move over and let me see that!”

ZB cringed as soon as he saw his boss head toward Boomer. “D’ya think the building’s gonna collapse if he—“

Zak quickly wrapped his line around ZB’s towbitts, making sure he stayed put. “Nah, let Zorran figure that out for himself.” He said. ZB stayed out, failing to notice the smirk on Zak’s face.

Zorran approached the building, having pushed Boomer out of the way. “I don’t see any reason why it hasn’t fallen yet—OH NO!” Shrapnel and dust flew everywhere as the building finally collapsed as the Zeroes had hoped.. right on top of Zorran, who sunk to the bottom with a terrified yelp.

Once the dust cleared, the rest of the Zero Fleet hesitantly steamed over to check if Zorran was okay. Thankfully, he wasn’t fully sunk, since the water near the abandoned buildings was too shallow to let that happen. In fact, he seemed relatively fine for a tug who’d just had a small building collapse on top of him.

“You—“ ZB coughed, “You okay?” he asked nervously, turning carefully to avoid hitting the debris in the water and coughing from the still-lingering dust.

Zorran just shook his wheelhouse resignedly, his eyes unfocused. “At this rate, those kids will go blind if they keep talking to that lighthouse.” He muttered.

The Zeroes exchanged a nervous glance with each other.

“I’ll get him to Lucky’s.” Zak sighed.

—

Zorran returned from Lucky’s good as new, although he looked just as irritated as usual. With the Zero Fleet done with their jobs for the day, he planned to meet up with them near a set of old docks, hoping the Star Fleet wouldn’t come by. “So, who do you think is going to be the oh-so-lucky fleet who gets stuck with Boomer?”

“Probably the Star Fleet, I’m calling it now.” Zak said. “They’ll take anything! I mean, look at Grampus! What’s Captain Star gonna do with a submarine, make him check the docks for barnacles?”

“Hey, he could check boats for barnacles too!”

“Not my point, Zug.”

“Sorry.”

—

Unbeknownst to the Zeroes, the Star Fleet were having a near-identical argument at their own dock.

“I don’t wanna say I don’t want him around—“ Sunshine began.

“I do.” Top Hat said snootily, causing the rest of the Stars at the dock to glare at him.

Sunshine ignored Top Hat and went on. “—But Captain just got Grampus, and I didn’t hear her talking about buying another tug.”

“Ah, so Zero wants him, then.” Big Stack sighed. “Never thought I’d say this, but I feel bad for the Zero fleet.”

—

Both the Stars and the Zeroes apparently had the same idea, because Warrior, Big Stack, and Zorran all found themselves gathered in front of the Star Dock in hopes that they’d get Captain Star to change her mind.

“What’s the problem, Star Fleet.. and Zorran?”

“Well, it’s not that we don’t like Boomer..” Warrior began, only for his brother to cut him off.

“We just hate working with him! I keep telling you, every time someone works with him, they end up crashing, sinking, or getting set on fire! Unless you put something into place to keep this from happening, he can work alone!”

Zorran cut in. “Or at least get someone more expendable to—“

“Zorran!” Both brothers snapped, prompting the Zero Fleet’s leader to shut up.

Captain Star sighed. “I guess now’s a good time to tell you that Boomer likely won’t be working with either of your fleets. Zero and I have thought it over and talked it out, and he doesn’t need a new harbor tug and the Star Fleet has plenty of tugs as is.”

“… Oh.” Big Stack and Warrior responded awkwardly. As much as they didn’t like working with Boomer, it wasn’t as if they wanted to drive him out of the harbor.

“Yes!” Zorran cheered quietly, though not quietly enough to keep Warrior from hearing him and shooting him a disapproving glance.

Captain Star ignored the tugs’ reactions and continued. “Star Fleet, I’d like you to say goodbye to him once you’re all done with work. Snugboat Harbor wasn’t the right fit for him, but let’s wish him luck.”

“Aye aye!” The Star Fleeters agreed before leaving to help the rest of their fleet finish work for the day. Zorran just turned around, headed for his own dock, and prepared to go to sleep.

—

The sun was just beginning to fall as the Stars and the Zeroes gathered to say goodbye to Boomer. The Zeroes arrived twenty minutes late, because Zorran refused to leave his dock and it took the rest of his fleet to drag him to the meeting spot.

“Goodbye Boomer! We wish you the best of luck!” Sunshine cheered.

The Zero Fleet looked to Zorran, only to realize he was falling asleep where he was floating. Hoping Boomer wouldn’t notice, ZB bumped his leader, jolting him awake.

“Uh— what she said!” Zorran shouted as his fleet sighed disappointedly behind him.

Thankfully, Boomer took no notice. “Thanks guys! I’ll be sure to write or visit or something once I find my new job!” He shouted before sailing off toward the horizon.. But not before accidentally sinking a buoy on his way out.

“Should we tell—“ Otis wondered aloud before Hercules cut him off.

“Nah, Captain doesn’t have to know.” Hercules said, wanting to just enjoy the moment.

But once Boomer passed under Snugboat Harbor’s bridge, a small piece of infrastructure came loose and crashed down onto his bow. While it wasn’t enough to collapse the bridge, it was certainly enough for Boomer to notice as he yelped in pain.

The Star Fleet froze in horror, wondering if they should go and help before Boomer’s voice broke the silence. “I’m okay!”

Realizing the rest of his fleet was staring at him with an expression that could best be described as “We told you so”, Hercules sighed and turned around to head to his dock. “I know, I know, I’ll go tell Captain.”

[incarnateirony]

why do people seem to think i’m a big name blogger

i only have like 1800 followers (or I guess closer to 1900 now?), that’s pocket change compared to some of the people around here

i know there’s people with less, and that doesn’t make you invalid or anything. Because it’s not about size. It’s either about quality or about enjoyment, and really, your latter should come first in fandom. If you have a hobby blog designed to spread enjoyment, then yes, quality. If you positively impact just 5 people’s lives on the regular, you’ve done a good thing.

This falls in line with my “anyone can meta” and moods about who feels comfortable metaing or having those opinions, but it’s become a general sentiment.

And most of all don’t feel like you need to lockstep with me. now, not lockstepping with me doesn’t mean "shit directly on someone’s positive content post like a whole entitled jackass”, but like. I don’t care if you were some little blog with 10 followers that I gave a boost and now you’re kinda popular. you don’t owe me shit.

Because that’s another weird thing and I think people need to practice self-care on this more. Four different people, on four different occasions, that were incensed I wouldn’t fall into borg mind or surrender my opinions, have tried to claim they “made” me. Ironically, none of them did. Like even ignoring my following point, even in the way they meant it -- which is the irony.

When Kelloggs club pounced on my first ever fandom tweet years ago for the sin of having a Cas plushie icon, and I floored them with numbers they had never seen and got blocked by the whole damn hoard in my first hour in fandom like a temporary urban legend, I made me. Sure, they drew attention and made a shitshow. Sure, it led to me being drawn into group chats that expanded my networking and stuff. But I made me. When a big name fan was upset at how much traction I’d gained in a month, because this fandom is obsessed with clout for some goddamn reason, and I stood my ground? They drew attention. But the way I held my ground? I made me. 

When TAW went bananas on me for catching him hand in the cookie jar with Misha and my unwillingness to be backed off that turned heads? I made me. Everybody helped with of course blacklisttaw, but I didn’t make blacklisttaw, everyone made blacklisttaw, I just started it. And it worked. Because of everybody. He hasn’t had a non-indie job aside from things being re-re-re-re-reannounced from 2008 plans or things stuck in production purgatory since 2014 releasing late since. That ain’t all my credit. I didn’t MAKE that. I started it, maybe. But you guys made that. I just stood there with a megaphone for those who weren’t positioned to speak, and gave some cornerstones. Everybody else’s work did the rest.

(And ironically, NONE of the people that wanted me to feel like they MADE me were involved in that. I think they all actually came after all of these things.)

The people along the way help. But just because someone helps you doesn’t mean you’re indentured to them, their demands, or even their abuse for life, or touting every single thing they say as truth.

Whatever content you made that got shared? You made that. You made you. Your thoughts, opinions, contributions, choices made you. Someone giving you a digital nickel along the way, or even a digital hundred dolla bill, doesn’t obligate you to them. If they genuinely appreciated your thoughts and content instead of finding it temporarily useful or convenient... then they gained the benefit of your contribution in exchange. If someone had another intent, that’s on them.

(honestly same goes for RL on this point; sure try to repay people but repayment doesn’t mean you’re shackled to them for all eternity and if someone said they wanted to HELP you and then turned around like “ok and the interest accrued is--” or flags it around as some weight? Fuckin’ run. RUN AWAY. “Help” doesn’t come with a leash or a motive. It comes because they want to help. And anyone that spins that around on you -- life lesson -- holy shit. Run. You help people because you care, whether that’s about them as an individual or general human empathy -- not for what you get out of it. And again seriously guys REAL LIFE PLEASE KEEP THIS IN MIND IF YOU TAKE NOTHING ELSE FROM ANYTHING I EVER SAID. If someone had told me this when I was younger I would have dodged YEARS of receiving violence. It’s like the shittier, less competent version of mob logic, only at least the mob is honest that they’re gonna break your kneecaps if you fuck up before you get started. Y’know what? I value honesty. If you’re gonna demand something, be honest and threaten my kneecaps up front.)

Nobody made you but you. I helped along the way, or some other people helped. But I’m never going to be like HOW DARE YOU HAVE A DIFFERENT OPINION I MADE YOU!!!!!!! because like-- is anybody watching the show right now? Anybody at all? Chuck’s stomping around and throwing hissyfits because hE mAdE thEm AnD hE’Ll ShoW tHEm and like in the end, Chuck didn’t make them. Maybe he influenced things around them. But they’re making themselves.

And I feel like this fandom would do so much better if they abandoned this tribalistic herd mind nonsense for fear of obligation to *whatever* because guys, people who hold you to that? They’re abusers. Like. Literally. No lie. Shit man. Those people online can’t even “make” anyone, because they only make themselves, and then people react to what they’ve made of themselves. Everyone decides they’re too much? Too bitter? Too whatever? Everybody stops spreading their content? Guess what they’ve got. A big ball of Too Much Bitter on their dash and nothing else. But you know what? They made them. They made that. They make that big ball of whatever. 

Like congrats guys you temporarily liked my opinions when you liked them and strolled along when I was at like 700 followers already and now that you don’t you’re gonna-- what? Get mad at other opinions? Come on now. People aren’t just tools to be waved around. We’re complex. You’re complex. Hopefully you all treat other people as complex. Never put yourself in a digital collar to jump through digital flaming hoops for fear of some kind of digital retaliation.

Hell, if there’s one moral from How-I-Made-Me in that list above, that’s it, really. Lmao, fuck the borg guys, come on. You do you. My path was essentially “Fuck the bronlies, fuck the extreme con crowd, fuck sexual predators, and fuck extremes of any fandom lane, even if that’s a lane within my own ship.” -- your path doesn’t have to be my path. You make your path. You just share it with people on the way. If they diverge, they don’t get to throw you down whatever hill they’ve declared is the one to go down. And definitely make sure in the land of “all opinions/interpretations are equal” that is said online like a parrot stuck in a loop, you’re not letting them use that to completely ironically steamroll over your own while leaving theirs unchecked of any real compunction.

So no, don’t come shit on my posts directly, don’t come whatever. But don’t ever just lockstep with me, or anyone else, because you feel some weird form of obligation over something as irrelevant as digital clout in the world of a TV fandom that IS ENDING ANYWAY so WHAT THE FUCK. The people you have around you? The views you soak? The follows you have? Good and bad. Those are what are going to paint the rest of your experience for this show you (theoretically) love from here into eternity. 

Am I too loud? That’s fine. You do you. Is someone else too perpetually bitter? Don’t tie yourself to them. Pay close attention to what is sculpting your fandom experience in this final hour and into its life beyond. Because that’s gonna be the difference between you keeping love for this show in your heart once it’s off the air or petering off into distressed disfavor for it. 

At one point when the show was ending, I thought “I’ma follow every account like in the history of ever” and man was that a bad idea. A few sweeps later and I’ve cleared out bitter bullshit clogging my dash, random cacophony, and have nothing but good shit to reblog again and damn if that isn’t even gonna make the experience of everyone in my proximity better too. Much less my own. And yeah, that matters. It’s called fandom. It’s supposed to be fun. Not obligate chaos.

Either people take you as you are, or they don’t. Fuck the ones that just want parts of you for a time and want to discard the rest. Those people aren’t worth your time. Hell, that even wants to go for people who have dedicated bitter blogs. You wanna be bitter and nasty okay that’s fine, if somebody is just there for some other shit and then gets mad that you’re bitter after goddamn choosing to follow you knowing full god damn and well you’re bitter, they can fuck off too. Stay mad if you want. You do you. I might say it’s probably not the best for mental health and general wellness but in the end that’s still up to you. And put an asterisk that doing shit on tumblr is different than twitter where if you make a bunch of rowdy bitter people in your area and you or they start shit-tagging creatives and doing the above kinda bullshit, no, that doesn’t work the same. Or like the multishipper I saw getting attacked despite making a whole other blogspace to keep their wincest away from impacting other people’s eyes like -- if they’re hunting down that side account just to cause bullshit, fuck them too. Seriously, fuck the borg.

[certifiedskywalker]

Jealous Much? (Part Two) - Roger Taylor

Last time...

“See ya then, mate!” Brian cheered, turning to continue walking. You should have followed him, but the view of the girl kissing Roger’s cheek, then his lips had you locked in place for a moment. He seemed to glow under her affection and it felt like someone had stabbed you in the gut. “Y/N? You coming or you gonna stand there and freeze?”

Shaking your head you trailed after you best friend. What you didn’t catch was how Roger followed you with his eyes, a frown etched into his features as you walked away. Too busy in your thoughts and half listening to Brian, you came to a startling realization. You were jealous, but not for the reason you had originally thought.

So you were jealous? So you might have feelings for your best friend’s new bandmate? You could pretend everything was normal….right?

Warnings: Cursing, sex mention, and Roger again

“Y/N, you okay?” Brian’s concern cut through the tangled web of thoughts clouding your mind. Slowly, you lifted your glassy eyes to meet his gaze. “You’ve been staring at that page for thirty minutes.”

“Y-Yeah,” you stammered, rubbing at your eyes to clear them. Brian hummed a disbelieving tune at your reply and you raised an eyebrow at him in question. “Yes?”

“You’re stressed, love.” You fake gasped, resting a hand on your chest in feigned shock as you widen your eyes. Brian cocked his head at your actions and you couldn’t help but smile through your turmoil.

“Really? Stressed, you say? Why I never would have thought about that diagnosis!” Brian mumbled something under his breath and you shook your head at him. “I’m fine, Bri, really.”

“Then why don’t you come to band practice with me tonight? I know Tim was looking forward to seeing you again.” Your cheeks burned lightly at the mention of the band. Instantly, you thought of Roger and the girls that clung to him as you left last Friday night. How Brian had so pointedly said Tim wanted to see you again, not Roger pulled at your chest.

“I, uh, I-I don’t know.” You closed the book and shoved it in your bag to get it ready for school the next day. “I have some homework still but it’s not really due, I just wanna get it done, ya know so-”

“Y/N.” Brian leaned over the table and stared into your eyes seriously. “You need a break.” You couldn’t deny his statement. Like always, Brian was right. Ever since the weekend you had been working yourself to the bone in an attempt to stay on top of school. One benefit to your work was that it distracted you from your already distracting thoughts of Roger. You didn’t want to deal with whatever those reflections could entail, as you feared the worst.

Brian raised his eyebrows as your lingering pause filled the room. The urge to tell him about your confused feelings for Roger was overwhelmingly great; but you knew if you did speak of it, you would never hear the end of it. Truthfully, you were unsure as to how Brian would react. You felt that he would support you, but Roger was also his bandmate who, judging by how things went Friday night, seemed to hate you. Yet, you would be lying if you didn’t admit part of you wanted to see him again.

“Al-alright,” you breathed finally, letting your tense shoulder sag. “Jus’ let me get dressed and fix my….everything.” With that, you stood from the table and rushed to your bedroom. Compared to the rest of the flat, your room was the most messy. Even then, that wasn’t saying much. You bed was always in a state of being unmade and a few pairs of socks were floating around on the floor. Ignoring the mess for now, you honed in on your closet to find something to wear. You pondered your options, not really taking into account just how fast the minutes were flying by until you heard Brian’s clogs thumping towards the door.

“Y/N!”

“I’m coming,” you shouted, grabbing the first warm sweater you could find. Once you pulled it over you tugged on a cleaner pair of bell bottom jeans and slipped on your boots. As you darted down the hall, Brian stood at the door, holding your coat in his hands.

“Dressed to impress?” Brian teased at you pulled your arms through the sleeves of your coat. You groaned at him like an annoyed child would at their mother. Brian grinned as he unlocked the door and stepped out, not catching the final glimpse you stole of yourself in the mirror near the door. Hopefully, you thought in reply, hopefully.

-

“There you are. I was about to bloody-” Roger greeted you and Brian at the door, but the welcome died on his lips when his eyes fell on you. Blue eyes were bright with a sense of shock as he drank in your presence. “What’s she doing here?”

You tried your best to ignore his caustic tone when addressing you, turning to glance at Brian sympathetically. “I invited Y/N along. Figured four heads would be better than three.”

With that, Brian nudged Roger out of the way with his guitar case and giving the two of you enough room to push inside. You followed Brian over the threshold, not missing Roger’s gaze which was glued to your very being. Tim’s house was small, something you hold noticed when Brian had pulled up, but the interior was homey. Psychedelic posters were plastered on the yellow walls with a shaggy orange carpeting that contrasted the worn tan-leather sofa facing a radio fixture. You probably would have felt more comfortable if weren’t for the drummer huffing with annoyance behind you.

“There you are Br-Y/N! Hi!” Tim’s sing-song reception was a much welcomed relief to you as Roger retreated to another room. Throwing an arm over your shoulders, Tim pulled you in for a side hug.

“Hi,” you said sweetly, eyes still slightly downcast. The smile Tim gave you was bright and it might you feel more relaxed despite the unsettling coldness you first encountered. “Sorry I made Bri late. I couldn’t find a sweater to wear.”

“Nonsense, it’s fine,” Tim responded with his hands raised to show no harm was done. “I’m happy you decided to tag along.”

“Actually,” Brian clarified, “I made her come. She’s been stressed with school, so I thought she could use a break.” Tim nodded at his friend before turning back to you.

“Everyone’s a bit on edge, with midterms coming up. Even Roger is a bit timid now.” Almost as if he sensed the air around you shift, Roger entered the room.

“I’m what?” He snarled, eye pointed at Tim who brushed his tone off as he replied with a look over his shoulder.

“Timid, with midterms,” Tim turned back to face you, “Rog is gonna be a dentist.”

“Shove off,” Roger snapped as he looked over at you and Tim. You met his eyes for a brief moment and you saw, for a split-second, his anger dulled into some emotion you had never seen him wear before.

“Alright, alright,” Brian chided, trying his best to diffuse the situation, “put this passion into the songs please!” Roger grumbled something you didn’t quite catch as Tim walked over to his bass. His plucked at the strings, in a different way Brian does with his guitar, and a few bassy notes played into the air. You heard him humming a tune that sounded slightly familiar as Brian fixed his guitar strap.

“Warm up or right into Alright?” Roger asked, barely able to sit still while seated behind his drum kit. You noticed how his leg was bouncing, eyes darting around the room as he waited.

“Beat up your drums if you want to,” Brian said, “I have to re-tune this. Give me a moment.” He moved to sit on the couch, gently stroking the strings of the instrument to test the sound of each note.

“Need your pitch pipe?” You reached into his case and handed him the small object. Your friend nodded at you in thanks as he continued with his meticulous work. Watching, you shifted your weight on the balls of your feet, not really knowing what to do except not to look in Roger’s general direction. Thankfully, Tim chimed in to save you.

“You wanna try few notes? I can show you how,” you watched as Tim slipped the leather strap off his shoulder and offered you his bass.

“Oh, really? Is that okay?”

“There’s no rule against it, love,” he teased affectionately as he placed the strap over your shoulder. The bass was heavier than you imagined as it rested against your body. You smiled at the feeling, as if now you could be part of the band. You were about to share that thought when you looked up and locked eyes with Roger.

He wore the same expression as before. An underlying anger was overpowered by what you would call a sense of hurt in his eyes. Blinking a few times, he turned away and busied himself with the drum kit. You did the same, looking down to study the bass. Tim let out a proud chuckle as he took in this new sight of you.

“She looks the part, doesn’t she?” He wasn’t really asking anyone in particular, but Brian looked up and beamed with approval. “Okay,” Tim started, moving to stand behind you, “let’s start with a simple chord.” Reaching around your shoulders, Tim’s hands guided your fingers against the strings and neck of the bass. You could barely contain yourself when a rhythm started to flow from your fingertips.

“Brian,” you began, “look, I’m like you now.” You heard a rough laugh escape your friend’s throat. You couldn’t see him, as Tim’s warm body blocked your view.

“You wish.” Tim clicked his tongue and cocked his head to glance over at Brian.

“I dunno mate, she’s pretty good. If we teach her guitar she could replace you.” Brian scoffed softly, shaking his head with his loose curls bouncing about his face.

“Once you’re done with her I can teach her how to bang properly.” Roger’s voice cut through the feathery air of amusement with the less than humorous innuendo. Lifting your eyes, you held Roger’s gaze and let him see the red blush crawling up your neck. He grinned at your slightly offended expression which confused you further. You were angry at the surface of his words, but you couldn’t help but wonder how many other times he had used that line on how many other girls. You felt Tim’s arms drop as embarrassment bloomed in your stomach.

“Watch it mate,” Tim growled, and the sudden shift of his tone alarmed you.

“Hey, it’s alright,” you said, grabbing Tim’s arm. Roger’s eyes darted to your hand as you moved, the smile fading from his lips. Noticing his reaction, you let your hand fall and stepped between the two men. “Take the bass, save the passion for the songs.”

Hoping that Brian’s quote would calm them slightly, you held the bass out for Tim to take. When he did, you turned around, eyes glancing over Roger’s form. You paused when you saw his mouth open as if preparing another insult. Rising your brows at him, you waited.

“Ya know I wouldn’t try-”

“The damage is done, Roger,” you sniffled and made your way towards the sliding glass door you could see in the kitchen. It wasn’t locked so you easily escaped into the fresh air outside. Standing on Tim’s back porch, you looked up at the darkening sky.

When you were both younger, you and Brian would camp in your backyard and stargaze. You would both come up with the strangest names for planets with all new creatures that called those worlds home. You focused on one star in particular, trying to steady your breathing as you stared at it. In your haze, you barely even heard the sliding door opening and closing behind you.

“Give it a name yet?” Brian’s soothing voice reached your ears, prompting you to turn your eyes to him. He was already looking up at the star you had focused on, a fond smile playing on his lips. Turning back to the glimmer of light, you sighed deeply.

“I was thinking Airhead-Drummeria, but that might be too on the nose.” Brian let out a forced laughed before turning to glance at you with worry dripping from his features.

“Why is it Rog? What about him gets so under your skin?” You shrugged, eyes still glued on your newly titled planet. Brian sighed, shaking his head. “Is it the flirting? He does that to every girl, he’s not just picking on you. He’s a right prick to everyone.”

It seemed like Brian was expecting you to laugh at that, because he let the quiet go on for one too many moments longer than usual. He shifted, turning his whole body to face you despite your eyes still in the sky. Brian was right, Roger was a prick to everyone. He was disgusting to every girl he encountered; so why did that fact pain you so deeply? Was it because you weren’t a fan of the flirting or the idea of Roger flirting with people other than you? Or was it both? You let out a groan to reply to your own thoughts, your head falling in your hands.

“I don’t know,” you whimpered, “I just don’t know.” Brian nodded, tugging you to his side gently. He stayed silent, despite knowing that hiding your face in your hands was your signature tell; you were lying to him. Maybe even yourself.

“It’s alright, Y/N. You’ll tell me when you want to, when you do know. Just like I did with Smile. Take your time.” You nodded against his shoulder, lifting your eyes to the star once more.

“Maybe that’s the planet’s name.”

“What?”

“Smile.”

-

After taking a moment to collect yourself, you followed Brian inside. The atmosphere in Tim’s living room was thick, with the two men a few yards apart from each other. When he noticed your presence, Tim perked up and gave you a cheery smile. You returned it, then glanced over at Roger who, still behind his drum kit, had his eyes on his shoes. It was clear that they had talked about something when Brian left to fetch you; but whatever conclusion they came to eluded you.

“Alright, shall we actually start practice?” Brian asked, fastening his guitar back over his shoulder. Tim nodded and Roger straightened his posture. Your eyes held his for a moment before you moved to sit on the couch opposite to where the instruments were set up.

“Normal setlist?” Tim asked, to which Brian and Roger nodded. Soon the steady starting beats of ‘Doing All Right’ began and you swayed to the slow opening. It was just like how they played it the first time on that Friday night. Only this time, you could see their faces clearly with the lights in Tim’s lounge. More specifically, you were able to watch Roger’s arms tense and flex when the beat picked up in the song. Your eyes were glued to his biceps which, while thin, were well defined.

Absentmindedly, you felt yourself licking your lips; a force of habit picked up when you were studying something with intensity. You almost didn’t see Roger’s eyes reading your face like an open book, a smug smirk gracing his lips when he realized you were staring at him. Even with warmth spreading across your face, you couldn’t find it in you turn away. His blue eyes sent a wink your way and you did your best to stifle the smile that threatened to spread across your lips as the song continued on.

The rest of the band’s practice went on with only a few minor issues. They discussed new songs that they could add, a few Beatles covers were suggested by Brian and shot down by Roger. Their bickering was that of siblings and a welcomed noise between songs. As time went on, the music died out and Tim gave everyone so refreshments. Now slightly buzzed, the boys chatted openly.

“There’s a lot of competition on campus,” Tim said bitterly, “like Humpy Bong. They’re playing at real venues.”

“Oh fuck Dumpy Thong,” Roger sneered and you wondered if he purposefully messed up the band’s name. Either way, it made you laugh, a sound that the drummer didn’t miss. “They aren’t worth shit. We have something that they don’t, ya know?”

“You’re right,” you said, surprising yourself and everyone else in the room. Roger himself gawked at you with wide eyes. You blushed at his expression before shrugging. His gaze softened as he continued to look at you, his eyes scanning over your face as if he were trying to tell if you were lying. “You guys are great.”

“Cheers, love,” Tim said happily, tipping his beer bottle in your direction. You nodded your head and took a swig of your own beverage. “You’ll be coming to the next show right?”

“When is it again?” You questioned, turning to look at Brian.

“Friday night, again,” he sighed, “I know you have that test so I didn’t-”

“I’ll be there,” you said, patting Brian’s arm. Your friend gave you a grateful smile before playfully tousling your hair. You squealed lightly, trying your hardest to undo the damage his large hands had done. You heard Tim laughing at you and when you looked up you saw the smallest of smiles present on Roger’s perfectly pink lips. With slightly reddening cheeks, you reached for Brian’s empty bottle and took Tim’s from his. “We should get going.”

“Yeah,” Brian sighed, stretching slightly, “you’ve gotta study more, right?” You nodded as you walked into the kitchen. Searching around for the waste bin, you heard a set of footsteps trailing you. When you finally found the trash you tossed the empty bottles inside.

“Forgot one,” turning, you were face to face with Roger. His eyes, once wild when he was drumming, were heavy-lidded. In his hand he held a bottle and you couldn’t help but see how calloused his fingers looked. Your mind almost, almost, got lost in what they would feel like against your skin, but you cleared your throat to keep yourself grounded.

“Oh, sorry,” you said, reaching for the bottle. Your fingertips brushed against Roger’s and you felt a flood of warmth spread through your entire being. In the moment, you froze, trying to read his face to see if had felt that too. His eyes widened slightly, but you missed it as you pulled the bottle from this grasp and tossed in with the others. “And I’m sorry about Friday night.”

“What?” Roger cocked his head slightly, resting his hands on his hips.You nearly lost your train of thought when you saw how his teeth grazed his bottom lip in confusion.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you Friday night, when I went to find you. I mean, you deserved some of it, but I was a bit harsh.” Roger’s brows furrowed slightly and then shifted when he realized what you meant. He chuckled, rolling his eyes slightly before he spoke up.

“You think that’s why I’m so pissy? Because you called me out? Darling, don’t be so daft.”

“I’m trying to apologize,” you clarified and Roger nodded, smiling now.

“Well…” He trailed off instead of offering his own apology and you fought the urge to scream. You were trying to be nice, to mend fences, but he found being wrong impossible.

“Fine,” you pushed past him and made your way towards the door. You heard a panicked sound escape Roger’s throat but you kept going until you reached your coat that hung beside the door. Slipping it on over your shoulders with a huff, you walked outside and slammed the door behind you.

You waited in the passenger seat of Brian’s car, tapping your foot to the beat of Smile’s music that was still fresh in your mind. Arms crossed over your chest, your thoughts were clouded by Roger; his eyes, his words, and his lack of remorse. Why did you always fall for people like him?

Your breath caught the moment the questioning critique crossed your mind. You had fallen for Roger Taylor somehow, despite him being an absolute wanker. Swallowing thickly, you tried to act natural as Brian clambered into the driver seat. Once he was settled, he turned to you with a strained look on his face.

“So what happened now?”

“Just learned that I hate your friend,” you lied, burying your face in your hands again. Brian nodded, but remained silent for the ride back to your shared flat. Left alone with your thoughts, you wallowed in your feelings wondering how on Earth you found yourself infatuated with Roger.

Tagged:

@itsametaphorbriansblog @casafrass @stardvstial @sheridans-dynamos @apseventy @incorrcctqueen @haywood-ya-not @deacontaylormaymercury @crazysaladchopshop @orchideax @shutup-sorry @ixchel-9275

[midnightsdarkangel]

The Woes Of Duality (7/?)

Summary: Patton always sees the good in everyone, even in someone such as Deceit. But while he slowly helps the dark sides to see the good in people, something else is changing, and not for the better

Notes: I am SOO sorry for the delay on this one, long story short i had a nail infection which destroyed my hand and put me under a lot of pain, on top of that was just life coming at me at full force. To make it up I’ve made this chapter another long one to get to the juicy stuff as there’s a lot to go through~ Enjoy! 

taglist:  @hufflepuffgirl01 @septic-fallen @sanders-sides-rebloger@notveryglittery@quantumducky @warnadudenexttime @devil-towne​ fandomsofrandom @theultimatemomfriend  @ nowedontliveinigloos @ avocados26 / pm if you wanna be tagged in this)

Deceit had to admit, he thought he had seen it all. Living in a mindscape that literally monitored not only his, but Virgil’s life, as if it was some game was something he had grown accustomed to. He thought he couldn’t be chilled by anything because he was already living in a place of horrors.

He was dead wrong.

This definitely wasn't something Deceit ever thought he’d have to experience himself. Utter darkness. Or well, he could assume he was underwater because everytime he tries to take in a breath of air hes choking from the thick liquid that clogs his throat. Thank god they couldn't actually die, because he knew if he was in this matter for too long he might’ve passed out from a lack of oxygen. Looking around hazily, he tried to make sense of where on earth he was, but with the wind impacting against his body and the rapid fall down, he couldn't really make sense of where on earth they were- just that it felt wrong.

It was like all the warmth was drained from his body, no- his soul. As if the water itself was purging him away from all emotions, draining him slowly, taking away what made him who he was to be just a mere shell. That freaked him out as he thrashed his legs, trying to see if he could perhaps try to swim up at least; but the current that was dragging him down was heavy enough that he struggled to even lift one arm up above him.

God, what if he never got out of here? No, No he had to find Patton, Patton needed him. Like hell he was going to lose his way before he found him.

But the light in his eyes was slowly fading...

Were the others still nearby?

Looking up, he squinted to see if they were falling nearby, but whatever was clouding the entire place was making it extremely difficult. Part of him feared that maybe that this was it, just a suffocating void with no light or sound; just his heartbeat that reminded him he was real with each thump. Closing his eyes he bit his lip and hugged himself tightly as he curled up.

He had to focus…

He needed to imagine those soft blue eyes.

Just as Deceit was beginning to assume there would never be an end to his fall, he saw something glow from under him. It opened up cutting through the darkness to show jagged teeth each lined up with a green glow as the centre seemed to be a portal to what appeared to be a room. His heart raced, squinting he could see some people were already there; no doubt it was the others as he gulped nervously and dove straight into the jaws of the portal, closing his eyes not wanting to see the impact.

THUD

His body crashed onto the ground as he finally took a deep breath of air. His eyes snapped open as he held his throat, coughing up whatever remained of the water he had swallowed as he rolled on his side shaking. Deceit hadn't even noticed Virgil was by his side, shaking him slightly and trying to get his attention as he tried to blink the tears from his eyes. He felt his own soul was trying to rip out of his body. When he felt Virgil’s warm hands on his shoulders he almost cried with relief that he was still here.

“Christ...You were in there for quite some time Deceit…”

Virgil’s voice was muffled at first for him as he turned his head around, trying to slowly pick up his senses which felt drowned out by the white noise ringing in his skull. How long was he in the water for…? Trying to gather his strength,he slowly lifted his chest up to see Roman and Logan were right behind Virgil peering over looking concerned. He knew Roman was trying to say something but right now he needed to focus on getting the vile water out of his system as he leant forward and coughed more, letting the black goop drip from his mouth and even from the tears that dripped from his face as he shivered immensely. His senses were slowly coming back to him as he could finally speak up, wiping the drool from his mouth.

“How...Long…?”

“Logan thinks probably two hours. Roman got here first with half an hour, Logan was just behind but you and I spent longer in there, most likely because we’ve come from here so the mindscape had a better control over us than the others. I was in there for an hour at best but we were worried that you might not have found a way out.”

Virgil explained, helping Deceit to his feet as he stumbled a bit and rubbed his head. When he looked around properly around the room he was intrigued to see it didn't really have a solid structure. If anything the room was coated in a dark liquid that encased the area in a sphere, when walking outside however there was a series of staircases that came from every direction, some leading in a forward path from where they were, but some came from high above and twisted around in ways Deceit wasn't sure that they could walk on-if gravity was a thing that existed like it did back home. Doors floated around everywhere also, some that he doubt they could make it up to unless they found some sort of ladder, and creatures swam by that looked...unsettling if you took a closer look at them.

“We’ve managed to scout out a bit of the area and it seems while everything is rather disjointed, there seems to be a theme that these staircases follow to that could help us find Patton...However.” Logan started holding his arms close together in thought as the ground shook rather aggressively. Deceit looked above to see the beast itself swim by, its shadow encasing the entire area in darkness but the doors illuminated with what looked like patterns on the top of the doors with symbols that faded once the lingering shadow was gone.

“It's hard to try and remember which door leads where when the only time we can get a look at the symbols is if a large shadow covers the area, which, at this point is the beast itself.”

Roman huffed reluctantly.

“And I’m not so sure we want to be attracting that beast straight for us.”

Gaining his own strength, Deceit walked out to the staircase before them. He had seen a symbol momentarily in the darkness and he knew where to bend down and touch the floor. Feeling around the ground, he was hoping to maybe brush over any bumps or dents to indicate where the symbol may be. His finger finally tracing on what felt as something smooth compared to the cold jagged floor as he pressed his finger down allowing the symbol to light up on its own. Adjacent to that, a symbol much further on lit up above a door for a brief second before fading away again.

“I see. So our goal is to follow whichever symbols correlate with each other.”

Logan commented in thought taking a few steps up to look ahead of them at the door that lit up. Annoyingly while it was a good start, the door itself was, well- It wasn't near a staircase. In fact, it was annoyingly close enough to see, but certainly not enough that they could jump for it. Deceit however wasn't paying that much attention as he felt the ground this time for something else just below the first step and looking at the door in thought. Once he was satisfied, he started to walk up the stairs and across the hallway towards the lit up door, Virgil following just behind along with the others in tow wondering what the side was up to.

“You’re honestly not going to jump are you?”

Virgil hissed at him,trying to tug his arm back. Deceit rolled his eyes. “Do you have something I can throw?”

“Throw? Uh…” Virgil inquired looking through his own pockets while the others decided to do the same just in case. When all looked grim as each one of them turned their pockets inside out with no results, Deceit looked towards Romans sword, still resting in its sheath.

“Your sword, don't give it to me. I won't give it back.”

Reluctantly Roman handed it over as Deceit turned to Logan next; “Don't go to where I touched that symbol, and don’t touch it on the count of my mark.”

Logan nodded and hurried back down the steps; “Ready when you are!” He called out as Deceit nodded and took the sword, stretching his arm back and positioning it where the symbol on the door should be. Roman was quick to protest at the implications of what Deceit was about to do but before he could complain Deceit had chucked his sword dead on towards the door and yelled; “NOW”

With both the press from Logan, and the sword’s tip stabbing straight into the mark on the door, both symbols lit up together.

Suddenly the ground began to shift below them and they all tried to keep their balances as the platform beneath them was starting to move and twist into new directions. And thankfully for them, the pathway soon connected itself straight to the door they needed.

“Huh...That was pretty clever, how did you know that would happen?” Virgil asked, talking a few cautious steps towards the door; “The ground doesn't have small mechanisms just at the edges where they distort.”

Whistling impressed, Virgil trailed behind Deceit as he watched the taller side give the door a small nudge. It creaked open to show a long stretching path that would have been surrounded in complete darkness, if it wasn’t for the ceiling illuminating the path in the same bright blue transparent glass the sides saw back up in the dark realm. Roman had managed to recover his sword from the wall; as the ground outside the door shifted and turned again, he quickly jumped in and let the door slam behind him. Knowing that their only path now was onwards, they resumed their orderly line, keeping an eye out for anything in the walls that might jump out at them. The floor had a small layer of thick black liquid that made walking normally a challenge.

For a while, no other doors seemed to appear in their path. Not only that but it honestly felt like they were walking on forever with no end.

“This can't be right…What if it's another puzzle we have to solve?” Virgil spoke up as he looked behind him to see if they had made any real progress- which, to their disappointment, and conformation on Virgil’s theory, they barely had walked that far at all despite the passage of time.

“So it appears we are in a never ending hallway.” Logan murmured in thought looking around for anything that might be a clue. But it was rather hard when everything around them was barely distinguishable from how pitch black everything was, the only thing that could even help them was-

Oh.

Logan looked up to the ceiling and hummed in confirmation. “I thought as much, take a look at this.” The others looked up in confusion to what Logan was getting at, the ceiling was only a watery mirror of where they were standing...and yet-

“Oh! On the reflection! I can see doors!” Roman called out.

And true to his words, the hallway that looked empty at first glance, was filled with doors on each side on the reflections gaze. Each had a symbol just like the ones before on top of each door.

“Ok...but then how are we supposed to know which one will lead us to Patton? There's so many doors here that it could take us hours before we even found a way…” Virgil murmured looking up at each of the doors trying to think if there was any clues to which one was the right one. They couldn't just check every door individually, there had to be at least 50 all together in the long stretch of the hallway.

Deceit was silently looking at each of the patterns. It was clear that he needed to potentially find one that matched the symbols outside. But Virgil was right, there wasn't that much information they could go off on to know which symbol was the right one...Things weren't looking too good…

While they were all deep in thought, the entire room started to shake rather violently as the ceiling above rippled. No doubt the Leviathan was swimming overhead once more, and from the sound of the growling, it was definitely closer than before. While the rumbling was happening, it was causing the room to go pitch black leaving the sides helpless, clinging onto whatever they could for support. Virgil had tried to reach out for the wall beside him but slipped up, hitting his back against the ground. Groaning in pain he looked up only for his eyes to widen in hope.

“There's a light coming from one of the doors!”

He pointed frantically. While it was true they were in pure darkness, there was a soft glowing light reflecting in the ceiling’s surface from one of the doors. Keeping this eyes locked on the glowing light, he waited for the lights to come back on. Eventually the monster was gone and the glowing light of the ceiling flickered back on, revealing which door it was. Jumping up Virgil ran to the furthest right and felt for the door handle amongst the thick stream of black liquid. Honestly it felt cold and unsettling to touch it, but he had to ignore that as he felt around for a bit before feeling a smooth and metallic object brush his hands.

“Did you get it?”

Deceit walked over curious as Virgil grunted pushing the door open.

The first thing they realised was that this room was warmer than the others. It was almost blinding how bright and vibrant the colours in the room was compared to the dark dreary hallway. Taking one step into the room they could smell something sweet cooking, the floor below them was covered in a soft multi coloured carpet and the walls were plain white. Not only that but a sound was coming from deeper in the room, one that made them all perk up in relief.

It was Patton singing.

--

“Well…” Logan started.

“This is certainly homely.” Roman finished.

While the rest of the darkscape looked like some haunted horror maze, the tone in Patton’s room was certainly upbeat and vibrant. Walking around the small pathway, they were led into a rather large room. On one side there was a kitchen, similar to the one back at home. The whole thing was polished to perfection and had stickers and trinkets around the area. A large dining room table was what caught their attention, however. From one wall to the other it stretched out with a variety of cushioned chairs. Plates of cakes and other assortments such as tea and snacks were placed around the table, all filled to the brim and smelled like heaven upon seeing it. The table had a cover on it that was white with little hearts on the bottom of the fabric. Fairy lights were stuck up to the walls all around them, glowing soft colours of red and blue.

Not only that, but the one thing they noticed immediately without fail was the center of the table. There was a few shadows sitting on both sides happily laughing, holding their drinks in their hands as they were swaying along to none other than Patton’s little song. He was sitting on a large blue chair with small pillows either side of him. His legs were up and crossed on the seat instead of the floor as he was laughing the entire time, not realising he had guests just yet.

Deceit was the first to react, his heart racing as he felt an overwhelming sense of relief they hadn't found him chained

up in a dark scary room, or crying as the shadows would torment him. Instead he was acting as nothing was wrong- maybe they could get out of this place easier than he thought-

“Dee?”

Patton had abruptly stopped his tune when he looked up to see his friends awkwardly hanging by the entrance of the room. With a wide grin he jumped out of his seat onto the table, the shadows not caring that silverware and plates were being pushed aside or rattled. In a rush of excitement, he had done a running start and jumped off of the table straight for Deceit.

“Oh I’ve missed you so much! I was wondering when you were going to join me!”

He squealed hugging Deceit tightly, hopping in one spot excitedly.

While it was a cute moment and the others were more than happy to see Patton was alright, Virgil was staring at the shadows, their heads moving in unison quietly to face the group.

“Patton I'm not glad you’re safe. Listen we need to sta-”

Deceit started trying to tug Patton towards the exit but Patton just laughed and took Deceits arm dragging him to the table. The shadows now standing up to drag the others as well. “Nonsense! You need to stay for food! This realm lets me summon whatever I want so I made sure to make a biiiig meal for all of you.” He grinned proudly satisfied, that they were all sitting on their respective cushions as plates suddenly appeared in front of them each.

Virgil was starting to get uncomfortable, and from his glance towards Deceit, it was clear the two of them knew something wasn't right. For starters, Patton had taken his hoodie off and was wearing it, something Patton wasnt a fan of doing unless it was his cat onesie. Not only that, but his posture was something else entirely when sitting down, he sat up straight and looked at them all with a gaze in his eyes that wasn't natural. As if he was expecting them all to react the way he wanted them to. Not only that but the biggest glaring problem here was how Patton reacted upon seeing them.

Patton would’ve been in tears by now, apologising to both him and Deceit for how badly hurt they both got. When Virgil last saw Patton, he was sobbing through shaky breath that he was dangerous. So the fact that he was acting as if nothing happened between them was sending alarm signals to his anxious mind. His hands fiddling with the cloth in front of him as he was silently trying to weigh his options here. While Patton was happily rambling away, the shadows were watching them intensely. Just waiting for one of them to slip up and try and ruin the illusion this room had set up.

Sighing he gave one more glance to the others who also looked as confused and uncomfortable as he was. But none of them had the courage to say anything as Patton clapped his hands and food appeared on each sides plates. A cup manifested in his own hands as he took a sip of his drink and leaned in excitedly.

“So, While I was here I had a really great idea.” He started as he waved his hand to manifest a small cake, taking a bite, melting with how good it tasted; “Mm, If this place is everything I want it to be. Why don't we all just live here from now on?”

“Stay...here?” Logan was the first to speak up cautiously as Patton gave an eager nod. “Yeah! This is the perfect opportunity for all of us to get along together without any interruptions.” He finished the cake, licking his fingers with satisfaction as he leaned back on the chair letting it rock back and forth slightly.

“Ok but what about Thomas?” Deceit was the next to speak up, Virgil shrunk down tensely at how cold he sounded. “He’s perfectly fine without you, The longer you stay here the chance he will get better.”  There was a revealing look in his eyes. Deceit knew this game and he was going to play it well, it was clear he wasn't talking to a light side anymore.  As much as it pained him deeply, he knew very well Patton was on that fine line between being a light and dark side, and one tip could push him either way.

The room rattled as they could hear the beasts roars faintly in the background.

Yet Patton wasn't fazed by that. His hand was now tightly holding his cup as he brought his other hand to gently touch it, rubbing his finger on the surface as he hummed.

“I don't care what happens to him.”

Roman and Logan’s breath hitched from the across the table as Virgil was trying to stay strong at how Patton was staring at them now. The smile might’ve still been on his face, but it was forced, his lip twitching as if to bite down the vile feeling within him. His eyes were dead locked onto Deceits, silently trying to gauge the others intentions as he stood up and sighed playfully.

“Sadly I’m not hungry anymore. But I’m sure there's other things we could do instead.”

He hummed twirling a finger as the shadows from beneath the floor rose up and grabbed each of the sides by their waists, keeping them all in place.

“Patton, this place isn't good for you, we need to leave-” Roman started, trying to free his hands in a panic but the slam on the table made him jump in surprise.

Patton’s hands were tightly pressed against the table as he leaned in, propping his elbow onto the table to lean his head against the palm of his hand. “You know, I was really looking forward to you all joining me. I thought: ‘huh, something feels empty! Maybe it's because my friends haven't arrived yet’. But I'm starting to see now that never was the case.” He frowned, his expression switching from bored to hurt as he stood up looking down at each of them.

“I thought you of all people Dee would be thrilled to be here with me. What was that promise about never leaving my side? Well look at what you’re doing right now!” He threw his hands in the air upset as the room shook once more. The beast was drawing nearer.

“Patton, listen, I know this place may seem like paradise but it's the Leviathan, its tricking your mind to-”

“And Virgil. My own best friend. All of you are looking at me as if I’ve done something wrong, as if I’m always doing something wrong! This place is bad for me? The only thing this place has done was show me it was ok to feel happy, that not everything has to be my responsibility. All you lot care about is that I go and fix Thomas because it's the ‘right’ thing to do. As if my feelings don't come first in the matter!.”

The fairy lights started to flicker.

The cups shook and starred as the liquid was starting to ripple by the quakes just below.

“If you were all my friends you would be happy for me! Well guess what? I gave up my role when I woke up in this place! So ‘morality’ isn't going to be here to fix your problems anymore!”

In a second, the shaking stopped. The room submerged itself in darkness once more from the Leviathan’s presence.

“You’re in my room now.”

Patton spoke, but it was no longer just his voice. All the shadows had now sunk over to his side, rising one by one as they all spoke in unison.

Deceit’s eyes widened as the room started to illuminate once more as the soft blue chair was changed to a large red throne. The cups and food on the table had turned rotten and foul, even the cups started to overfill with black liquid that stained the table cloth. The fairy lights started to explode one by one till it reached the centre-

The centre where Patton stood before them.

His appearance had changed. The same illuminating glow that would reveal secrets in the room mirrored his look. His eyes were tinted pink with swirls in his iris. A bowtie was glowing on his collared top as the sweatshirt he wore over his shirt was instead a long tailored suit that had tail ends that went to the floor. Each side had the image of an eye on each side. It honestly was if you had put a filter over him. The changes weren't anything physical but rather looked like it was painted over him with neon pink lights.

His smile was sickeningly wide, his freckles lighting up one by one by the soft glow as he lifted a hand and turned it to the left slightly. In correspondingly to that the entrance of the room started to break into sections that rotated and spun into different directions, just like how the staircase was before. The walls started to drip with the black substance once more as shadows started to crawl their way out, throwing their bodies onto the ground, dragging themselves out.

Virgil was trying his hardest to struggle against the restraints around him, his heartbeat picking up in fear as the ceiling above started to crack rapidly down to the floor as some of the room started to break apart revealing the outside world.

What was staring at them from outside would haunt their dreams for a long time.

He couldn't see its face entirely but the Leviathan was horrifying from close up. Six eyes all lined up in twos on one side of the face, each one blinking in unison and moving towards where the sides were, some delaying its movements.  Its teeth was bared and sharp as Patton looked to the side where the beast was and grinned walking over to reach out to pet its scaled face.

“Do you like him? He’s the one who brought me here and took care of me. He can take care of you all too if you just give in.”

While the others were shaking in horror. Deceit was currently fighting his restraints to the best of his ability but found no results. Not until he remembered. Whipping his head up he gave a small whistle which prompted something to slither up the chair onto his arm. A relieved smile painted his face, the snake that followed Patton had still stuck around. With a small nod the snake started to hack away at the bounds until Deceit had the strength to pull it apart with his hands.

“Deceit, what are we going to do? Even if we all break free the room is locked tight and that thing is out there…” Virgil hissed quietly, thanking the gods that Patton was too invested in petting the Levithan with a childish indulgence to notice that Deceit was making no haste to free the others.

Letting the snake bite his wrist, he quickly took a lick as he shivered shaking his head. “We need to get Patton back to your realm, the longer he’s in here the harder it's going to be to get him back to normal.”

“But the shadows have us cornered, we can't just grab Patton and run.” Roman now whispered to the others grabbing the sheath of his sword making sure it was still in place just incase.

“I know...The only way this is going to work is to get Patton to create an exit for us...Meaning we’re going to have to play this safe…”

Deceit murmured as he quickly sat back down, pretending his hands were tied to his back as he cleared his throat. “Patton? Listen, I was being an idiot. I want to see what makes this place so special to you so that I can share that feeling of excitement.” He called out as Patton stopped petting the Levithan to turn around to Deceit, his face blushing as the crazed look in his eyes had soften to a more excited and relieved expression. “I'm so glad you feel that Dee. Here ah- I made a bit of a mess in this room haven't I? Let me sort some of it out.” He clapped his hand as the food that was laying on the table rotting away was cleaned up. The room was still reflected in its twisted perception because of the overcasting shadow that hung upon them.

Yet Patton thought it was perfect as he sat down now, clicking his hand as the Levithan growled and swam away, lingering however close by.

“...You know, I really did miss you.”

Patton spoke up as he put his hands on his lap. “I felt like this place was missing something, no matter what I could coundure. I couldn't make you guys. I tried of course, but they never spoke the same way you lot did, they didn't laugh the same when I used to make my puns. It all felt fake.”

He sighed slouching down on the table, his hands over his arms. “I just wanted us to go back to normal. Before you all became weird.” He mumbled upset as the others looked confused;

“Wait us?”

Roman spoke up as Patton nodded sitting up. “You weren't sleeping Roman! You looked miserable for a week, it was scary seeing you like that. You weren't you’re confident self. And Logan, you became more withdrawn and dismissive, when I brought up to you lot about Thomas’s priorities I thought you would be the one to help us see reason. And Virgil...You worried me the most, every time I saw you in the hallways, you would run away from me.”

Tears started to form as he buried his head further into his arms. The room beginning to melt slowly around them. “When I tried to talk to you all, you all just blew up at me! You pointed your sword at me and told me I was wrong. I just wanted to make sure you were all ok….”

Logan was the first to snap into realisation what was going on as he glanced at the others.

“I believe this is a bit more complicated than what we believe...While for us, Patton’s the one who was acting odd under the influence of the Levithan. To Patton, he genuinely believes nothing has changed about him- his perceptions has been altered that our reactions to him is the thing that strikes him as odd.”

Patton nodded rubbing his eyes looking up. “I thought this room would make you happy, but all of you just started getting mad at me again….”

“Oh Pat…”

Virgil murmured feeling his heart ache. Apart of him was trying to convince himself that the Patton before them was not the one he knew, but rather was just a sick twisted version of his best friend. But that was far from the truth. “Listen, none of us hate you, god if anything we’re all just worried sick.”

“Why? I keep telling you that Thomas’s will deal with his own issues, it’s not my job to sort him out-”

“No. We were worried about you.”

Patton paused at that confused as Virgil carried on; “Patton, I know from your perspective we’ve been distant to you, that you feel like we’ve pushed you away but from our point of view you’ve been doing the same thing. The leviathan’s been messing with your head for over a week now Patton, I should’ve talked to you sooner but I was scared to... I didn't want to make you upset because I knew you were spending time with Deceit and you looked genuinely happy that I thought there would be no harm...but we were wrong.”

“Do you remember anything from before Patton?” Deceit urged now, taking Patton’s hands into his own squeezing them into his hands. “You were scared...you came to me because you had attacked Virgil-”

“What? N-No I didnt...I would never hurt my best friend.” Patton flinched now, his head starting to pound as the blocked memories were starting to creep back into light. Knowing it was working both was a relief and a pain for Deceit to see Patton look so conflicted. But he needed to keep going, he needed to remind Patton of who he once was, to let the light in him fight back.

“Patton...I’m sorry…” Virgil murmured and took his jacket off as Patton covered his mouth in horror. Thick dark bruises littered Virgil’s skin from where the shadows violently attacked him. Deceit was next in showing the damage he faced as well. “It wasn't your fault though.” Deceit said sternly; “This place was corrupting you, you weren't aware of what was going on. You were scared, and...I think that's why you came to my door begging to stay, the good in you was trying to warn me something was wrong...but I was too late to notice it in time.”

Tears started to drip down onto the table, first the occasional drop and then it was just consistent as Patton took his hands back, holding his sides in agony as the tears wouldn't stop. His body shaking as his eyes were wide with fear. Did he really do that? His memories were starting to fight back against the fog that was surrounding his mind, filtering everything he didn't want to remember out. Choking on a sob he covered his mouth as flashes of memories from before was starting to run through his head- before he had been dragged down by the beast. “I-I remember now I….”

The room was starting to melt and twist as Roman was the first to notice in panic that the Levithan wasn't too pleased with their interfering as it was starting to swim now back towards the group. He tried to warn the others but was cut off as Patton let out a loud scream, backing away from the table and kicking his chair over. His head was on fire as he could feel the very duality of his consciousness fighting for what was right and wrong.

He hurt his best friends!

Why does it matter? They were looking down on him!

They just wanted to help him!

It didn't matter!

The others stood up panicked now that the snake had freed them all and Patton was writhing with agony as he fell to his knees. Deceit and Virgil both jumped over the table to help him up as Logan was starting to look for a way for them to get out but backed away seeing the shadows starting to pour in from the door, Roman was quick to raise his sword but kept glancing back at the hole in the wall feeling his heart race.

It was almost here.

“GUYS…”

Roman called out trying to find a way for them to escape, his heart pounding against his chest loudly that everything else felt muffled around him. Logan was backing away from the shadows that reached out to harm them as Roman had to quickly swipe his sword, watching their bodies disintegrate upon impact. However more and more kept crawling in, growling angrily.

Deceit had grabbed onto Patton helping him up to his feet; “It's not safe here Patton, please we need to take you home.” He begged as Virgil was just beside him, cupping his face and whispering it was alright to calm the panicked side down as Patton wailed in pain. “M-My head feels like it’s splitting…”

“I know Patton I know...It’s going to be alright…” Deceit quickly hushed him kissing his head and rocking him back and forth as he looked to the others. “We need to get out of here, is there any other exit?”

“The blasted shadows are blocking the door! I’m not even sure where we can go!” Logan called back at him, kicking the shadows away with his foot if they got too close. The group was starting to get cornered now as they poured in from every direction, with nothing but the gaping hole from the wall behind them.

“Guys! The Leviathan is LITERALLY about to hit us!” Roman shrilled in panic as the group turned around to the wall, turning pale in fear. It’s large gaping jaw opening up to show a row of teeth that spiraled around, sharp and jagged as it was seconds before it would impact them. Patton however whipped his head up, his eyes wide;

“There is another exit! T-”

CRASH

The room went pitch black.

[keelywolfe]

FIC: Any Other Tuesday (ch2, baon)

Summary:   It started the same as any other Tuesday

Tags: Spicyhoney, Original Undertale Characters, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Prejudice Against Monsters, Violence, Injury

part of the ‘by any other name’ series.

Chapter One

Read it on AO3

or

Read it here!

~~*~~

A bus ride, a short walk, and a bowl of spinach dip later, and they were settled in front of the television, ready to be awed by one of the worst movies ever made. That was fine by Jeff; being in Edge and Stretch’s house was frankly nicer than being in his own. Not that his roommates were bad guys, but they were roommates, not really friends, and his own small room became claustrophobic if he spent too much time in it.

They ended up sitting on the sofa together, the dip on the end table where Jeff could toss a chip in from time to time. Stretch was too tall to sprawl out across the cushions if someone was already sitting on it, so he tended to sort of curl up and lay with his head on whoever’s lap was in his way. He did the same thing no matter who it was; Jeff, Edge and his brother, although there was an obvious difference in the level of sprawl and the amount of handsyness involved.

Jeff figured it was just a Stretch thing, but he kinda wondered what Edge thought about it, given his paranoia about Humans getting touchy-feely with Stretch. The past few visits Edge hadn’t given them so much as a sideways glance, so Jeff figured he’d made it on the short list. Edge wasn’t his friend like Stretch was, they didn’t text or send snapchats, didn’t meet up for coffee or weird experiments. He was still a friend and that was Jeff’s short list.

So yeah, sitting on the sofa earned a Stretch in the lap. Not that he couldn’t sit in one of the armchairs, he could, but, eh, this was obviously something Stretch preferred and he was Jeff’s friend. Who was he to deny something so easy when it made him happy?

The only problem he ran into was where to put his hands. On the skull seemed weirdly intimate, but they didn’t fit on his own lap. In the end, he settled one hand on Stretch’s side and the other on the armrest. Not that Stretch seemed to care; he was sleeping before the movie got through the opening credits. It made Jeff think maybe he wasn’t being as honest about how he was feeling as he could be.

Well, if a nap would do him good, then Jeff was fine with playing the role of pillow.

He kept as still as he could, watching the movie while Stretch slept, sometimes glancing down at him. It was sort of interesting, honestly. Skeleton Monster, not skeleton and it struck him again how little they looked like a human corpse or a lab display. For one, he was breathing, his chest rising and falling even without lungs to fill. His joints were very faintly tinted orange, and he twitched a little in his sleep, murmuring nonsensically. Skeleton Monsters looked alive and when he was awake, Stretch was full of grins and snark, dragging everyone in to the gravity well of his exuberance.

How did some Humans look at Monsters and see something to hate? Jeff didn’t understand it.

And hey, maybe it was because he was Human, but he wasn’t fucking sorry that the guy who’d attacked Stretch on the bus was dead. Hasta la vista, baby.

The movie was almost over when the front door opened with a jangle of keys. Stretch stirred, sitting up with a yawn as Edge came in, mumbling out, “hey, babe.”

“Hello, you two,” Edge said easily, unsurprised at the scene before him, which meant Stretch had managed to text him at some point before he spent time drooling on Jeff’s pant leg.

Edge walked over, leaning down to give Stretch a kiss and Jeff kept his eyes pointedly on the tv. Normally, his little shipper heart would be throwing off sparkly joy to see his favorite couple so happy together but lately, it brought up an ache. too. He wanted to be the one giving those welcoming kisses to his lover or better yet, getting them as he came home from his new job.

That kiss lasted a little too long for a friendly greeting, and Jeff finally coughed pointedly. It was probably a sign that he really was friends with Edge that it only got him an amused glance and not a glare.

Edge flicked a look at the television. “I hope that movie is nearly over. Torture after a full day at work is against the Geneva convention.”

From behind him came a familiar voice “You guys want to get out of here with your lovey dovey or should I stay on the porch?”

Antwan.

Jeff leaned enough to look around Edge and saw him. He was standing in the open doorway, leaning against the jamb. Still dressed in his work clothes, his tie loosened, and the top button undone on his shirt. It was a good look on him, clean-cut and a little mussed and, honestly, he looked good enough to eat, no ketchup required. His slow smile when he saw Jeff only made a flutter of warmth leap in his chest.

He wandered over, almost mimicking Edge as he leaned down to give Jeff a warm, deep kiss. By the end of it, they probably deserved a throat clearing of their own, but hell with it. Jeff wasn’t about to give this up too quickly.

“Hey, pretty,” Antwan pulled back, breathed it close to his ear and Jeff shivered. Not exactly the afternoon kiss of his dreams but it was damn close.

“If you’re quite finished.”

Edge stood with his arms crossed over his chest, watching them with a brow bone raised while Stretch was sprawled on the other side of the sofa, leaning against the arm with his chin propped on his updrawn knees as he stared. His eye lights looked like little hearts, soft and warm.

“Yeah, yeah, quit bitching. And you, stop that,” Antwan gave Stretch a gentle poke as he walked past him. “We need to talk shop a little longer, finish your movie and we’ll get dinner started.”

“that better not mean you’re cooking, antwan,” Stretch called after them as they walked to the kitchen. “i wanna actually be able to eat the food, not bury it to ease its suffering.”

Antwan didn’t even look behind him as he offered an upraised middle finger in their direction and Stretch grinned, leaning in confidingly to Jeff. “he secretly loves me.”

It was meant as a joke. Stretch couldn’t read the doubts that were engraved in his thoughts, and it shouldn’t hurt to hear that, it shouldn’t. Instead he looked away, towards the shelves that lined one of the walls.

“Did Edge get some new action figures?” Jeff asked, both eager to change the subject and honestly curious.

“hmm? oh, yeah, but don’t ask me what the hell they are,” Stretch rolled to his feet and wandered over to the shelves. “he lives for ebay, finds all kinds of weird shit, gets lot jobs and rebuilds ‘em.”

“He does a good job.” Each figure was meticulously placed on the shelf, some on risers and others lined up around them. Jeff wasn’t sure of the organization, but he had no doubt that Edge planned it as obsessively as he did everything else. The rhyme and reason surely made sense to him, despite the fact that GI Joes were placed next to She-Ra, smaller Lego sets interspersed between them.

Jeff admired the display, mentally cataloging the different series and wondering at the value. Even out of the package, they were probably worth a decent amount, and whatever repairs he did sure as hell didn’t show.

One of them caught his eye, an Optimus Prime figure that towered a head above the others. The gun in his hand was loose and about to fall, and Jeff reached out to fix it before it could escape and get lost in the carpet. His nudge turned out a little too hard, and the Transformer wobbled dangerously, falling into a grim-faced He-Man and they could only watch in frozen horror as the chain reaction ran through the entire shelf, a domino massacre of action figures that only ended when the last figure toppled, piled on the shelf with its fallen brethren.

The silence was broken only by the tinny soundtrack of the ending movie coming from the television.

“oh,” Stretch said, blankly. He reached out weakly, his hand hovering over the pile, trying and failing to decide which to start with. “well. i mean. i guess that could’ve been worse?”

As if only waiting for a prompt from the universe, the shelf collapsed, falling into the one beneath it and sending them both to the floor. Action figures scattered, an explosion of plastic and Jeff could only watch the destruction in mortification

Slowly, he leaned down and picked up the Optimus, the one who had started the entire catastrophe. The gun was still firmly in his hand, it was only a shame that the arm was no longer attached to the body.

"What was that?" The kitchen door swung open, Edge and Antwan stepping out. Two steps into the living room, Edge stopped mid-stride, his eye lights widening as he took in the carnage of his beloved display.

"babe!" Stretch said, brightly and a little panicked as he whirled around, wringing his hands. "um, sorry, i...uh...i bumped into the shelf and knocked it over. kinda set off a chain reaction there, really, we should complain to the manufacturer, there’s no way it should have fallen that easily, am i right? probably have a lawsuit on our hands, maybe, good thing you’re here, antwan, bet you know how to make ikea pay--”

Jeff could feel sweat beading on his forehead, biting his lip as he tried to figure out what to say. He felt awful, bordering on nauseous and, fuck, he couldn’t let Stretch take the blame for his stupid mistake. On one hand, Edge probably wouldn’t get as angry with Stretch, but on the other. he shouldn’t get angry with Stretch at all, he didn’t do anything. He needed to speak up, say something but the words were stuck, clogged up in the tightness of his throat.

"It's all right," Edge said, gently interrupting Stretch’s rambling. The gentleness in his voice shouldn’t be a surprise, Jeff knew him better than that, and still. He couldn’t help cringing a little when Edge’s eye lights flicked to him, his words obviously meant for them both. "There was no harm done. They're action figures, they were made to be played with, a little fall isn't going to damage them."

"nope, nothing broken at all!" Stretch chirped with almost desperate hope. Jeff couldn’t even agree, not with the evidence in his hands.

Edge only sighed and shook his head. "Which one broke?"

Meekly, Jeff held Optimus out and watched in misery as Edge's eye socket twitched visibly. He took it, turning it to inspect the damage.

"I'll find you another one," Jeff blurted. Even if he had to find another job, work nights for a while, he would. "I'm so sorry, I--"

Edge held up a hand and Jeff fumbled miserably to a stop. "I accept the apology, but it isn't broken. It looks like the screws were loose. This is an easy repair, it's all right, there’s no harm done."

“But the shelves—” Jeff started.

At that moment, the smoke alarm chose to join the chaos, blaring its alarm. Edge thrust the toy back into Jeff’s hands and dashed back into the kitchen, Antwan on his heels.

The world is turning against me, Jeff decided with almost giddy dismay. Wheee!

“huh.” Stretch stuck his hands in his pockets contemplatively while the fire alarm wailed in the back ground, mixing horribly with the eerie music still pouring from the tv. “this keeps getting better. c’mon, i need to see how this ride ends.”

Reluctantly, Jeff followed him into the kitchen. He was right, they needed to see this through to the bitter end. And anyway, misery loved company.

Moments later in the strange silence left by defused fire alarm, they stood in a circle around the charred remains on the kitchen island, an impromptu funeral for an unexpected demise.

Jeff wasn’t sure what it was supposed to be, but what it was right now was charcoal.

With two fingers, Stretch plucked a wooden spoon from the holder, gingerly poking the remnants. “hate to say it, babe, but i don’t think we have enough tabasco for this one.” He dropped the spoon and dusted off his hands, adding brightly. “how does everyone feel about chinese?”

Edge took a deep breath. "Right. Dinner out it is."

“Chinese will work,” Antwan said agreeably. “Not up to your standards, buddy, but sometimes you’ve got to take one for the team.”

Jeff only shuffled his feet, trying desperately to think of a way to beg off. His bank account had about twenty dollars in it until he got paid Friday and he couldn’t blow it all on dinner tonight.

Before he could think of a decent excuse, if there was one past the truth, Stretch slung an arm around his shoulders. “why don’t you two finish the funeral arrangements and we can clean up the living room.”

He tugged and Jeff followed, reluctantly, out of the kitchen. The action figure carnage was right where they’d left it, but before he could take a step towards it, Stretch leaned down, talking low, “i know what you were gonna say, okay, but please, we’ve got this. if you don’t let him feed you, he’ll be grouchy all night and i’ll have to deal with him and i kinda make a point of not dealing with him when he’s grouchy, and then i won’t be able to sleep tonight, and you wouldn’t do that to my health, would you?”

That was a very obvious ploy, so painfully blatant, and the hopefulness in Stretch’s face was all part of it, a very deliberate act, all of it. He knew that. So why the hell was Jeff so weak against it?

“No, I wouldn’t,” Jeff sighed.

“excellent!” Stretch said cheerily. “so let’s at least gather up the bits and bobs before we hit the town, right?” He leaned in, whispering conspiratorially, with a furtive look at the kitchen door, “tell you the truth, i love restaurant chinese food more than what he makes. edge doesn’t add enough msg.” Stretch gave him a wink. “don’t ever tell him i said that. promise?”

“I promise,” Jeff said, hooking Stretch’s pinkie with his own and shaking solemnly, before he broke and grinned. Somehow, Stretch always made him feel better, even when he was stupid or broke. He’d pay him back someday, Jeff told himself fiercely. Pay him back for everything.

There were three hours left before things came crashing down, the fate poised above them ready to rip through his hopeful intentions the same as it did his skin, but Jeff didn’t know that. None of them did. Three hours, and right now Jeff was picking up action figures, laughing over them with nostalgia and wonder, carefully matching them to their toy axes and guns, and piling them together while Edge and Antwan disposed of the wreckage in the kitchen.

Chinese food did sound really good, he decided, and the company was better. It’d be fun and who knew, he could end up staying the night at Antwan’s, balancing his maybes for another night.

Better than the mac and cheese in his fridge, anyway, and soon they were all in Edge’s car, heading towards Ebott. And fate.

~~*~~

Read Chapter Three

[leaveharmony]

It's sad how you've allowed these white men take over real estate in your heard mortgage free. You used to be really cool before you allowed your bitterness to take over. I've unfollowed you and am probably going to block you because while i respect that you don't have to like any one you constantly shitting on people just because you dislike it is sad and seeing as my life is hard enough I don't need your negativity in my life.

Um...Ok?  And you should?  If my TIDAL WAVE OF NEGATIVITY AND BITTERNESS during the maybe 7 seconds per week I'm forcibly reminded that whoever it is you're talking about exists outweighs whatever it was that caused you to bestow the honour of "really cool" on me in the first place then godspeed, nonners.  Go seek your bliss.I'm not...sure why you feel the need to tell me this tbh, as the tragedy of being Deemed Uncool by an anonymous stranger who's never interacted with me in any way is a comparatively minor one, but if the acknowledgement makes you feel better about it than I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.Farewell, follower number...uh...follower who had a number probably, idk I don't know how many I have.

------

All clowning aside though, I genuinely don't understand why someone would send a message like that.  And I had no idea how to respond to it...or if I should.  If they're looking for attention, isn't that just giving them what they want?  But then...if I ignored it, would that make them send more?  Can you block an anon?  I have no idea.  For the terrible crime of vocally disliking certain popular wrestlers in her own space, I've literally seen people spend over a month relentlessly harassing a friend of mine in the most vile and vicious manner, while the person that triggered it all egged them on and laughed about it.

So...I never know what to do.  Probably it wouldn't lead to anything that bad, but how do I know?  If they've been around since I was “really cool” (I'm sorry, that's still funny.  I've never been cool in my life) then they'd know I'm seeing a therapist.  They'd know I have pretty crippling social anxiety disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, severe depression.  Were they trying to set it off?They did, actually - messages like that always spike my anxiety badly when I see them.  Heartrate went right up, stomach sank.  It isn't the content so much as the intent, you know?  Random message out of nowhere RE hey I think you're awful: what's the point of that?  Why take the time?Is that what they were trying to do?  Somehow...get me to correct my fiendish refusal to *looks at smeared writing on hand* um, tailor my space to their exact specifications?  Did they unfollow me a few days ago and get frustrated when I didn't mention it (or indeed, notice)?  Were they looking for attention?  Validation?  Just acknowledgement?  I don't keep any track of how many followers I get tbh, except to check that new ones aren't porn bots.  How many people are here or why doesn't affect my life in any way.

It's...I don't wanna use the word triggering, necessarily.  But like.  As I say...if they've been here however long, they know I have anxiety.  They know I live in an active abuse situation.  They know I get extremely defensive over my space bc I've got a history of people coming into my spaces both real and virtual and taking things.  My father's sold or given away or thrown out or destroyed my things on more than one occasion, once or twice while I literally sobbed and begged him not to.  That time it was a doll cradle.  I was maybe 6.  He sold it to a lady for five dollars while I cried in the driveway.When I got home from a school trip to New York one day, I came into my room to find he'd been in here and rearranged all my furniture even up to moving the bed from where I had it...and of course, he got furiously angry when I burst into tears.  I couldn't move the bed back, it was too heavy for me and I wasn't strong enough...and he wouldn't do it, so I just sat there sobbing hysterically until he finally came raging back in, shouting abuse and calling me everything under the sun, and moved it back.Imagine coming home exhilarated from a great experience to find out people you were meant to trust had come into your space without your consent or knowledge and reorganized everything in it, then had an explosion of temper because you weren't “grateful” they'd done it.  There's a reason I have a hoarding problem I'm just now trying to address, after decades of being terrified to let anything out of my sight lest it be gone when I go to look for it.  There's a reason I'm protective of my space.

This blog is my space.  I don't know what nonners thought I started it for, but it sure as fuck wasn't for anyone else's pleasure or interest; hell, some nights when I'm really plugging away I can churn out like 60 gif posts in a single sitting, and most of them end up with less than ten notes.  It's not for the attention.  Half of why I have alternate tags for wrestlers is so I'm not constantly clogging their tags w/ my nonsense - and I don't tag my hate at all, on the rare occasion I bother with criticisms.  You're looking at the repository of the hyperfixation I use to keep myself alive.  If other people enjoy it, that's super!  But at its heart, it isn't for other people.  

They wanna know about the white man who has real estate in my head?  It's my abusive piece of shit father, who has all but beaten the ability to express negative emotion at all out of me over a period of decades. 

Compared to him, some coward I don’t know from adam hiding on anon trying to chide me for occasional snarky comments about their faves looks like a pair of nail clippers next to a goddamn threshing machine.

[intimatevoid]

Tagged by @misbehavedmonsta! Thank you for thinking of me dude ^_^ ~*~*~*~*~

Tag some people you wanna learn more about!

Age: 26!

Birthplace: A shitty little mining town in the middle of nowhere, that my family moved away from before I was 2 and I never went back to. But this is a common password question so I’m not saying which :P

Current time: 11:26am, AEST (edited: I stopped and finished this later so now it’s like 4pm)

Last drink you had: That would be the clear splashy stuff~

Favourite song: It changes constantly and I love soooooo many songs, but at the moment I’m on an Aviators kick and am really enjoying No One Will Save You. I don’t have enough goth rock in my life tbh Grossest memory: Probably the time a laundry tub full of dirty cloth nappies was overflowing and I had to basically reach into a tub full of poo and wipe out all the shit that was clogging the drain with my bare hands.

Memory you can’t wait to make: There are a few this year! In two and a half weeks I’m moving house to live with Ash and Sage and I’m SO EXCITED to live in a big house with good people and pets. At the end of May I’m going to Sydney to visit Dusty for a week. In July I’m going to hit a savings goal and build myself a computer, which I’ve been wanting to do since literally 2007. And late this year I’m going to adopt a pair of rat babies ;w; After years and years and years of bullshit and pain, I’ve finally learned to manage myself, and pieced together a network of people and circumstances which has enabled me to finally pick my ass up off the ground. I’m so happy and grateful and looking forward to this gd year.

Number of siblings: I’m the oldest of eleven -- my parents were in a cult and didn’t believe in contraception. I noticed something funny about my sibs this year actually. Thing is, I basically had to be a surrogate parent when I was a kid, because my folks couldn’t look after everyone themselves. Even then, there was still a lot of neglect and, let’s face it, abuse. So growing up, my parents were utterly untouchable, but I was not. So my siblings took out all their frustration on me and bullied the shit outta me. Fast-forward ten to fifteen years, and I’m completely alienated from my sibs in the same age area as me. But my younger siblings, who were too young for that bullying? I’m good friends with them, especially Moses and Maz. Funny how that works.

One wish: Is this “you can wish for anything” or just “something you really really hope happens”? Cause if it’s the former I’d wish for the power to heal people, completely, in body and mind. And for the latter, I just want the happiness and healing for the people in the world who really need it.

Questions you’re always asked: Tbh I’m not really asked that many questions? I’m really quite unassuming IRL. I guess sometimes people point out my thick curly hair or my unusual ear piercings. But for the most part people don’t ask me stuff.

What do people always assume about you: I’m fat, so I must be lazy. I’m autistic, so i must be r*tarded. I smile a lot, so I must be naive. I’m trans and sapphic, so I must be a predator. And I’m assertive, so I’m a bitch. On the other hand, people often assume I’m trustworthy after just a single conversation. Go figure.

Goals within the next 12 months: Most of the things from earlier! Last year was the year of building up, but this year is the year of DOING. Move house. Go to Sydney. Build a computer. Adopt some rats. And most importantly, get my pension sorted properly. That last part is going to fucking suck; Centrelink is constantly cutting funding and moving goalposts, excluding the people who really need it. But once it’s done, I’ll be okay. If I can get it sorted by the end of the year, I can work on my goal for 2019: Visiting Chloe in Canada.

Song that I last sang: Hm, I don’t actually know! It might have been something by She? Or Babymetal.

Worst habit: Probably my tendency to look after other people to the point where I hurt myself. I’ve had two or three full-blown, months-of-recovery mental breakdowns over the past couple of years due to looking after some people who took and took and never gave back.

Time I woke up: I think it was like 9am or something? I was up pretty late last night.

Vacation destination: I haven’t been on vacation since I was 18 or so and my family went to Emu Park. However, I guess going to Sydney counts as one!

Favourite food: I fucking love sushi, holy shit. Sushi is the tits. Also ramen. There’s a shop out in Indooropilly that makes my favourite ramen ever, although that’s a bit far. There’s also a shop near my place which does ramen that’s not amazing but still really tasty and the manager there loves me. ^_^

Zodiac: I don’t believe in zodiac stuff, but it is an interesting coincidence that I totally fit the Aquarius archetype. Like, utterly textbook.

Tag, you’re it: @d-eerteeth, @robotslenderman, @aelwen, @aturinfortheworse, @secularbakedgoods, @cookiekitcat and @ironthoughts, if you wanna do it! Also anybody who wants to steal this is welcome to. ^_^