#i probably got like a million things to say but ik no one's really gonna even understand it lmao

[dwn055]

im rewatching saint seiya and i am in a phase rn so bear with me cuz im thinking about this again so much, I got lots of thoughts im just gonna talk about

Other than just rewatching the original 80s one(plus like the rest if it cuz my siblings never got to watch all of it with me), i decided i'd give a chance to the knights of the zodiac netflix cartoon too and i was super surprised I really liked the second season alot more than i thought especially cuz I wasn't really the biggest fan of the first season

Honestly, the show isn't like the worst thing ever but like it had a very bad rocky start with all of the changes (Shaun💀, the military guy, i guess i can't really say anything too bad about it but the somewhat lackluster animation and how little impact of visuals we had as compared to the original ver,(like rly still thinking of the injustice of shiryu changing the direction of the waterfall only going up like an inch and its treated like he learned the move, its rly fucking funny how it was tho) plus the seriously fast pacing to cramp everything in there before the sanctuary arc but I'm actually glad I enjoying this show now cuz there's not alot of new material or spinoffs made from this franchise that is actually enjoyable unfortunately and i really did wanna give this show a chance when it first came out but we finally got to where its good!!!!! and like i actually appreciate alot of the changes they added or expanded in the 2nd season so the characters wouldn't seem so stupid or whatever. plus now the writing is evenly paced where it doesn't feel like things just immediately happen then move on before we get to fully take it in

Anyway im gonna try to see if I can make points of what i wanna say of what i like here so lol

There's a better explanation now for why Sienna is like some cursed Athena

More June or Genet(?) role into the story

The other good guys who are not the bronze saints are not sitting around twiddling their thumbs and their story is mixed into Marin's offscreen journey to StarHill

Their version explanation why the Sanctuary is duped for so long by Saga

Evil fucked up Athena prophecy

Ok, like first of all I know its supposed to be a build up for the Sanctuary arc but honestly I really didn't understand why they went with this plot, personally I'm still not a big fan of it but I think that they way they used it for the story of them already knowing Sienna is already a goddess rather than them thinking she's a fake like the original because it takes out the plot point of why hasn't anyone seen Athena around for like 13 years and how they let that shit slide so I can see why they changed that subplot. Plus honestly, I feel like the the reveal will probably be that Saga was lying that she was going to bring chaos to the world anyway just so he could take over, though idk im just guessing it's probably what it is but ig they could still make the prophecy happen and its just like "changed fate" or whatever

Genet (ok im just gonna refer to her original name June cuz i don't know how they spelled it)

I'm super happy they made June sort of secondary main character and expanded her relationships with Daedulus and Shaun cuz she deserved so much better and they really delivered. Like i thought it was sweet they had more of a father-daughter relationship in this one and it was really sad to see the scene when she discovers he's died(or dying from this ver)

I also thought it was kinda clever they made Daedulus be Shion's student along with Mu/be like the inventor(cuz of his name haha) since he didn't do jackshit in the original other than basically die, plus we get to see early Aphrodite appearance, and it was super cool. I really enjoyed seeing their ver and of the fight instead of the handwave in the original 80s anime, that already had to unintentionally butcher the story to make it Milo who killed everyone on Andromeda Island then last second say "oh yea Aphrodite was there too cuz he spit the rose at Shun's teacher that weakened him"(which Milo got away scotfree for, like he wasn't the one who killed everyone on the island but Aphrodite is the bad guy cuz he helped kill the important character)

But anyways it was nice seeing June just get focus in general and get to fight and actually be cool, when in the original she was just Shun's love interest cuz she's girl. also her sibling relationship with Kiki was super cute, I liked them qwq I'm excited with whatever they give her in the future honestly

Starhill subplot

June's part sort of a build up to this part but I did like that they had the other "good guys" travel with Marin and June to Star Hill instead of just sitting around playing jacks and cards while they wait for the next 12 hours. Honestly it didn't bring much interactions(other than basically June and Kiki) or rly bring depth to anyone else other than Marin having a connection to Aiolos and him being the reason why she has a mask/forgot her memory, like the most they got for the gold saints is that they're basically in denial about betraying the pope or whatever

but I still thought it was great to see something else going on and its actually very sad that Mu found out Shion(or Sion, im assuming from how they pronounced it) died the hard way, which leads to this next one

The whole reason why the Sanctuary is on the Pope's side

Since they changed the reason why anyone would actually be on the Pope's side in this one being that they don't want the world to be destroyed so they begrudgingly decide they should kill Athena no matter the sacrifices, plus they highlight the Pope's good side much more rather than his bad side, Also the explanation for why Saga's blue hair and pronouns ass isn't found out, cuz his magic turns his hair the same color as Shion's when he puts on the helmet which like yeah

This one was actually a really good change in my opinion cuz it makes some of the characters who should probably be smarter about it, seem less stupid, cuz in the original story in general, Saga's actions as the pope is probably the most sus out there that basically its hard to see why anyone would still think he's actually a good person telling them the truth about anything. Then the 80s anime had to really take liberties and just hope the people watching would forget the crazy ass lore/explanations they said about the Pope and somehow just try to paste Saga into the picture to follow the original story of the manga, where the anime starts that the good pope died so his evil brother Pope Ares took over as the new pope where things began to just suck ass for the sake of it but then they had to fit Saga into the story where he had actually killed the original pope 13 years ago instead and its like which one? the first one or Ares? Or a completely different guy altogether? (who's the Shion fill-in)

So I think that the whole "It's a hard decision but we gotta do what we gotta do because the prophecy could fuck us up if we leave it to Athena" and its like yeah it's definitely more plausible and basically when Saga's evil side does something sus, he's (im assuming accidentally)immediately cancelled out by his good side crying or whatever about his actions that the others use that to basically guilttrip the person going against him to feel bad which makes more sense why they are stuck in this dumb loop rather than just seeing a blatantly evil guy be in control, (which is something ig i can't actually fault the original story anyway cuz there was no such thing as gray morality back then in the 80s, or ig if u count whatever "gray morality" manga!Shura had ig tho imo its dumb as hell but anyways thats a rant for another time)

But anyways this rant was mainly for Shaka cuz honestly, I think the original anime made him a lot more evil or as evil as they could make him and its like there's no way in hell how someone like Shaka doesn't even have a doubt about Saga, though ig he still doesn't know that he's an imposter in either version but the manga honestly has a somewhat (really take this with a grain of salt)better explanation onto why Shaka doesn't think Saga is evil as compared to the anime ver because he explains its the same reason he spared Ikki where deep down he's not really evil, but also like you are still enabling him being evil rn dude??🤨

Cuz like the scene where Saga does the Demon Emperors fist that mind controls Aioria right in front of him to kill a person, Shaka doesn't even bat an eye that he used a move called that while in the kotz Shaka at least questioned him a little about it but then immediately justifies it to himself when the pope gave him a handwave explanation and didn't tell him of what he's actually mind controlling Aioria to do (im pretty sure)

Anyways that was probably my whole rant about this but wow I have a change if heart about kotz now, im actually looking forward to the second half since they kinda abruptly stop at Milo's fight, They really just needed that slowburn to actually become a little bit better storywise

[rouge-the-bat]

i was tagged by @princesstokyomoon owo! ty for the tag i love talking about myself LOL

nickname: [not including nicknames based on my irl name for obvious reasons] rouge is what i go by online, sometimes called rougey too :3 kurama is another nickname, so is weirdo (started based on my old url, weirdobsessivenerd). i used to go by yoshi a while back in school too with some people

sign: taurus ♉️ !

height: uhh im 5'2" or 5'3" iirc

last thing i googled: koltins locations in totk, bc im hunting down bubbul frogs rn ! i have 32 left to get atm owo

amount of sleep: eh varies tbh? usually i get around 8-10 hours but sometimes it can be a little less or a little more depending on the night

dream job: character designer for video games!!! + general graphic design n world design n stuff like that. i love LOVE designing things, especially characters, its been one of my biggest and longest passions in my life !!! characters are my absolute fave thing to enjoy and work on, and i hope to one day create characters others can fall in love with like i have for many characters!!!

wearing: a hot pink nightgown with black lace, and black lacey shorts! its so cozy n me core :3

media that summarizes me: like... summarizes my personality? my interests?? hmm... im not really. sure what would really summarize me for my personality? maybe some of my fave things since they tend to have quite an effect on me?

the sonic series i think is a good representation of how im unashamed to be genuine to myself, positive and loving what i love and not caring about being cringy. and it absolutely influenced my love for rockin music, colorful series with darker stories, and edgy antiheroes lol.

maybe system of a down would be a good thing to mention here too, i love all of their music and they definitely have rockin high energy music that can get really wacky sometimes, and ive always had a love for weird shit and identified with being weird!

favourite songs: ough hmm.. ill limit myself to like. 6 songs i really love rather than trying to figure out my Favoritest Faves bc im indecisive lol. n gonna do some different styles for a variety of my tastes!

bring me the horizon ft babymetal - kingslayer

in this moment - sick like me

omega tribe - summer suspicion

megumi ogata - fukanzen nenshou

riff kitten ft kumiho - fallen world

i dont know how but they found me - mx. sinister

instruments: this is so vague lol like. is this meaning ones ik how to play? my fave instruments?

well for ones i know how to play- well i used to know how to play anyways- i played the clarinet in band! n at some point i got an ocarina n tried learning that but never worked on it much. i used to be able to play a couple little tunes on it tho (like the jigglypuff song from the pokemon anime. or part of it at least). someday ill get back to it...

for my fave instruments... id probably say the violin and piano. i really love the sound of them, and i like how much emotion they can evoke!

aesthetic: oh god where do i even begin gkdkfbdkf i have a MILLION aesthetics i love lol. lovecore is probably my biggest one though, but i also love tech/glitchy stuff, gems, mermaid/ocean, general nature/flowers, clown/carnival, christmas, halloween, witchy, punk/goth/scene/emo (together since there can be some overlap between the aesthetics, ik theyre not the same), night/dreamy, space, yandere for a darker twist on lovecore stuff, and much much more. i love anything from pastel n cute, to neon and dynamic, to dark n creepy. i just!! absolutely adore aesthetics!!! its what im all about!

favourite author: ...i dont have one fkxbjf i havent read a book in years and even when i used to read more i didnt have one. could i just say yoshihiro togashi since he created the manga of my fave anime (yu yu hakusho) lmao?

random fun fact: i love pickles and will drink pickle juice straight out of the jar. have yall ever had pickle pops??? its like popsicles but with frozen pickle juice. i LOVE it. actually i should find our popsicle molds so i can make some soon

some mutuals to tag: if yall wanna, ill tag @megalo-station @mageofcolors @transgaykurama @foxdenji @skrunksthatwunk @l-lawliets-pussy @yoko-kurama-the-sex-god @shining-bewear @pipwife and weve only been mutuals for a short time but ill tag @shrineguardianhyena too owo

[maria-eve-falcon]

Astrologically speaking, the way she felt kinda tracks..

https://www.instagram.com/p/Cnc3vqZL25l/

An excerpt:

Joe's Venus in Pisces is capable of a very iconic, all-consuming, unconditional and potentially endless love. Their Venus/Pallas conjunction playing out in Taylor's 4th house, which represents the domestic sphere, stresses once more that he really likes her for her, and not for her stardom. ⚪ But is it all picture-perfect between these two? Probably not. Their Venus/moon square indicates that Taylor sometimes doesn't feel "properly" loved by him. With his Venus in Pisces, Taylor might sometimes perceive Joe as distracted or might feel like she isn't in the center of his attention or even on his radar. ⚪ He might appear elusive at times and erratic in his way to show her his love. With Taylor being a Cancer moon (wanting to care for others and to be cared for; easily irritated by the behavior of others; needing to feel loved and secure), this might cause trouble in paradise,

Omg omg I agree! I also think that she is very complex when it comes to love cause she mind not want it overdone but she feels not properly loved easily.

Sorry took a me a long time to see this ask anon.

Ik shit bout atrology but this person seems accurate. Also thank you sooo much for the excerpt.  The things they pointed out (I could see much cause I have no insta, thanks for the excerpt again)

Seemed quite there, also this made me smile:

So, I think I totally almost totally agree with antphodite here.so imma share this too

https://youtu.be/nktwP_c085c

ik shit bout astrology but Joe seems to me like a person Who knows what he wants, is secure idk what level and yes. I feel he is a very bad communicator.  Cause he goes like , "I feel weird" instead of going like "I don't like it. Or I hate this "

I also think as I've been a fan of tay longer than joseph, she's the typa person who is pretty insecure. Maybe I'm projecting but, I feel she's the type to go "if he says he loves me...for...me.... is he for real?" And when someone goes like, "No it is for real" she won't believe easily. Like I do that too cause the crappy shits that have Happened before. And she already makes up her mind. That can be overwhelming for a person like joe who seems very calm and quiet but confident.  Tay is the exact type to be like "I'll search for your darkside even tho I'm alright here." But hen again it's not her fault cause crappy relationships and it's not his fault that he wants just to relax sometimes and not give in to her bs or over thinking tendencies. I also think she has a hard time adjusting as she has said in nothing new and other songs. Since she got to know that someday this fame won't be here. So...

But I hope she realizes that these 70k people or more all around the world will never know her . Like will never really know her. At they end of the day , they won't matter. This fame, it won't matter except that it lets her earn money. ,(don't come at me cause it's true. I'd rather have one true friend than millions of dollars and thousand of people who'll never know me)( not strictly about swiftwyn)

As antiphodite,  I also had a feeling like she's gonna be like "this fame took everything from me lil by lil" for a very long time.  I hope she realizes or it'll be too late too soon.

I hope happiness for all and soon

[abucketofweird]

Heartstopper Live Reaction: Ep. 7 Sorry

Ep 7: Sorry

- THE FOKELORE POSTER IN TARA’S ROOM

- Ben just leave him alone jeez

- Awww Elle’s gonna get to be in here and queer for her art

- Tao’s mom is so adorable

- The angst is gonna kill me

- FAMILIES TOGETHER IK HOW THIS GOES ITS GONNA BE BADDDD

- yesss nicks mom get David’s ass

- I’m definitely sad Charlie and Tori’s little brother isn’t in the show

- But I get why with time

- Oh bby Darcy I’m so sorry your home life is shit it seems

- The automatic assumption abt a kiss it’s rough

- I don’t think Darcy is going to be comfortable in a suit with her family probably being homophobic

- DARCY IN THE CROCS I CANT

- everyone lending her money is so sweet

- Oh Issac thank you for representing how it feels to be aroace

- NOTHING IS WRONG WITH U BBY

- NOT THE RIGHT PERSON LINE THATS NOT WHAT U SAY

- I’ve been crying since the last so with Issac

- Issac honey I understand completely

- Expect a whole Issac post once I get emotionally ready to talk abt it

- That realization is so real I can’t

- he’s figuring out that other people feel the same way

- Oh Imogen u were so close but ur the token straight (maybe)

- Her art is def going to be abt Tao

- JESUS BEN GO THE FUCK AWAY YOU ARE SO CREEPY

- at least he apologized a little

- I still hate him

- YAY NO MORE BEN

- being messed up doesn’t give u the permission to be an ass and treat ppl horribly

- YESSS CHARLIE YOU ARE AMAZING

- AGAIN CONSENT CONSENT CONSENT

- YOU NEVER HAVE TO FORGIVE SOMEONE

- SORRY DOENT MAKE IT UP

- thank god his “redemption” we were scared of didn’t happen

- The little ocean bit was such a good addition

- Here comes the shit show

- Nick doesn’t owe him anything that’s right Sarah

- Tori is so annoyed with David I love it

- YES TORI I LOVE YOU

- Awww Nick you deserve to be honest

- SARAH IS A QUEEN I LOVE YOU OLIVIA COLMEN

- show don’t tell your actions are more than words

- I like that they showed David not being important to his dad too

- At least dad is being nice abt the bi thing

- GET HIM TORI

- Oh Darcy you deserve so much better

- the angst was real

This episode is probably the most angsty one this season! So much happened that was amazingly great and sad!! The words aromantic asexual were actually spoken on a tv show with millions of viewers!!!! That really got me and how he felt abt the discovery was so relatable!!! Issac had such a similar experience with his identity that I had so it’s really great for me to see that!!! The whole dinner scene was amazingly done!!! Nick was amazing and his father needed to hear them!!! He isn’t a dad and he can’t judge Nick!!! Tori was just THE BEST!!! And Darcy’s home life is finally being revealed!!!

100/10

[vaguelyprophetic]

I have read ‘if you need someone to hold’ at least a million times now because that one scene where it finally breaks and Roman doesn’t say anything, just collapses into Stewy’s hug and eventually falls asleep SPEAKS VOLUMES!!! That in the end Roman doesn’t actually need to say anything because Stewy will see right through him anyway. I’ll be honest I wasn’t so keen on them in the first place but after reading your work and then rewatching specifically their scenes…mhm yeah, I have been exposed to the light 🙏 I was wondering if you had a particular hc/thought on Roman’s relationship with sex. It’s never really explicitly stated in the show and Ik a popular hc is that he’s a virgin. Or is that perhaps he’s never really been able to enjoy it before, it’s almost like this shameful thing in his head but when he and Stewy start hooking up he learns to enjoy it, learns more things about himself, his likes/dislikes. He learns love the healthy way <3 I loved the idea you had on another post that it starts with degradation if that’s what Roman wants but Stewy eventually coaxes him into praise and Roman likes hearing it. Anyway, I won’t go on forever but I just love your stuff <3

thank you so much 🥺 that fic is definitely one that I'm still very very proud of and it makes me extremely happy that people seem to like it so much!!! I also love to hear that my fics converted people into enjoying stewyroman lol. welcome to the dark side <3

I have a lot of thoughts about roman and sex so I'm going to put them under a read more both because this will probably go on for too long and because there's gonna be mention of sexual assault and trauma. so just be mindful of that!

I don't think he's a virgin. I think he has some serious hang-ups about sex and attraction, and those feelings absolutely come from his trauma. we still don't know exactly what happened to him, but I feel like it's pretty obvious that he was assaulted as a kid, probably multiple times. I mean, "uncle mo"? the rat pack that ran cruises? there were a lot of horrible people around when the roys were kids. it's definitely never going to be explicitly stated, because succession doesn't give us that kind of information, but the subtext and clues are all there and have been from the very beginning imo.

so yeah, that trauma makes it a little bit difficult for roman to have a normal relationship with sex as an adult. he's also got body image issues, which makes it even harder to be vulnerable like that. it also ties into why I think he's gay rather than bi -- he already feels ashamed enough about sexual attraction, so the fact that he's attracted to men makes that all the more difficult, because he knows what his dad (and the vast majority of the business world) think about gay men. the women he goes after are the ones who other men around him have expressed interest in, and I think to him, there's an idea that it's a sort of conquest and that those men will respect him if he can hook up with the women they find attractive.

I don't really have coherent thoughts about this but I'm thinking about how also it seems like roman's sexuality is sort of used as a pawn in business negotiations, too. I mean his thing with eduard, his thing with matsson, his thing with mencken... idk how to word what I'm trying to say here but it feels like that's something that roman is unfortunately very used to.

I can also see why people think that he's asexual, but I don't think he is! I think he does feel sexual attraction and wants to have that experience and connection but that his trauma and other issues sort of block him from being able to do that. we saw that he wanted to try different things with tabitha to see what worked, so I think there is definitely a desire to figure it out and be able to just enjoy sex and be "normal."

roman absolutely needs someone who is gentle and patient with him while he figures his shit out. which is why the stewy/roman dynamic works for me, because I think stewy could definitely fill that role of being the person who just wants to give roman pleasure and make sure that he feels good about whatever it is they do. so over time roman starts to feel less and less ashamed and scared of his attraction and starts to embrace it in a safe and healthy way <3

idk if any of this is actually coherent but I do have a lot of feelings about roman and his relationship with his own body and his desires. my fics are so self-indulgent because I just want him to feel safe and loved </3

[blackrosesfanfic]

Chapter 252

Cammie

I start to walk back out the room then sigh walking into the room. Hidila ass just sitting here crying. She was crying before I got in the shower. I figured the bitch was okay after she stopped crying the first time. I fall on top of her. She sucks her teeth pushing me to her feet. I lay on her legs and watch TV. I would fucking kill Lane if he put me through this. Well now Caden. But he has to get on my nerves somehow and I think he gonna be talkative. More so than Lane.

"Did they turn the thing off?" I say looking at the baby monitor.

"No, they are just playing separately. Lane is mad at Ike. He sighed like a grown stressed out man and walked away. He is Marco."

I smile. "Why you crying this time?"

She wipes her face. "He is with some girl and think I don't know."

"And we being okay with that? Since when?"

"It's not like I'm not giving him reasons to cheat. We haven't had sex in so long. I'm always gone or got some excuse."

I cut my eyes at her. "Who gives a fuck? Your marriage vows didn't say shit about if no sex fuck random bitches."

"I keep thinking what if he has a baby by one of those girls and the baby comes out talking and walking like normal kids. He'll probably leave me."

"I'm missing something." I sit up. "Why don't you just have his baby first?"

She starts crying all ugly and loud. She sucks it up. "And have another mute child!"

"That boy just needs his ass whooped. He fucking spoiled."

"They have been saying that violence won't help. It will just scare him more."

"I don't give a fuck if he gets scared at least his ass will talk. Scare some fucking words out his mouth. You won't me to beat his ass?"

Trey walks into the room. "Jay, what's this?"

I lay back on Hidila. "It's a nasty juice from the gym."

"He's not autistic. He does excellent on all his school stuff. He has friends from his speech classes. I even tried regular school but that stressed him out and had him doing bad in school."

"Oh." Trey says walking out. "Hold on."

"Well only thing you haven't tried is spanking his ass. You are going to be divorced and crying everyday and his ass gonna be fucking depressed too. Really not gonna fucking talk then."

"Thanks. You so positive."

Trey walks back in. "I put it on the iPad."

He hands Hidila the iPad. I sit up so I could see the screen. Someone was screaming really loud. I watch as the camera lands on Lane and Ike. Lane laughs like he was being tickled by millions of hands. I smile. He such a happy kid. All of a sudden the screaming starts again. I snatch the iPad and take it back.

"That's Ike!" I say staring at his mouth.

"I just don't understand." Hidila cries. "And laughing."

Lane was having a blast laughing at Ike then Trey. Suddenly the laughing stops and Lane and Ike start arguing. I close my mouth when Hidila snatches the iPad from me. Ike was talking clear as day. He cuts his eyes at the camera then he starts mumbling.

"What does he fucking mean he don't want to?" I snap outraged. "Lane!"

"He would talk to Lane just as good but not me." Trey says. "He must have forgot I was there."

I roll my eyes. "Or he needs a fucking beating. Talking about he not scared. What the fuck you mean? Spoiled. I wish my child would."

"But he's not your child." Hidila snaps.

"Clearly." I stand up off the couch. "Lane!"

He runs into the room. "I here."

"Are you being mean to Ike?" I bark.

"No."

"Why don't Ike want to talk?" I ask him.

He is in Hidila's face. "What the matter?"

She wipes her face unable to get her shit together. She shakes her head.

"Lane, why won't Ike talk to me?" I try to ask another way.

"You sad?" He says a little upset.

I suck my teeth. "She is sad because Ike doesn't want to talk to her. It makes her sad. Why doesn't Ike want to talk to her?"

"I get Ike." He runs away with a sad look on his face.

I blow. "He ignored the shit out of me."

Trey picks the monitor up. "Or did he pay attention to the right thing?"

"Ike, you mean!" Lane snaps.

"No I not!" He snaps throwing his toy.

Lane  wasn't giving a shit. "You is! You mommy cry. Like Taden. You mommy crying."

"No her not."

"You did it! You mean!"

Ike matches out of the room. A few minutes later he matches into the room we are in. He freezes. Lane pushes him walking pass him to Hidila. He points at her.

"You see?"

Ike stomps his foot clearly upset. I look at Trey. He was frowning up his face like Lane. I swear they so much alike. Ike matches over to his mama then falls into her lap crying suddenly.

"Oh don't cry baby." She says standing him up. "I'm sorry. I'll stop crying. Please don't cry."

"You sad?" Lane asks touching her arm that's on Ike.

She tries but fails. "I just cry when you don't talk to me. I heard you talking to Lane and I just want you to talk to me. Not all the time. I just want to hear your voice talking to me. Just some times. Like you talk to Lane." She cries making every fucking body cry.

Lane nods his head. "Say yes maam."

"Yes maam." Ike whispers.

I cover my mouth to stop from screaming. She just stares at him crying. She hugs him then kisses Lane. Lane stands there pouting. He did such a good job. He doesn't even know what he has done. He just was fussing at Ike for making his mommy cry. He didn't know what it meant to her. He didn't know how much he helped.

"Stop crying." Lane snaps. "Say sorry, Ike. Say it!"

"No." Ike snaps hiding his face.

"You betta. I tell Nanma on you." He turns and runs out of the room.

He had enough. Trey grabs my waist pulling me. I look at him. He turns the monitor off and sits it down pulling me again. I walk with him out of the room. Yeah he is right. They do need their moment. At least he said something to her. He may not talk for months but he fucking answered her like Lane told him to. That's probably why he started to talk to Lane because he was so fucking bossy and didn't understand why Ike wouldn't talk.

Trey

"Nigga calm down. Say what?" I snap walking into the empty studio.

"I'm sick of this shit. One minute we getting somewhere and the next minute she treating me like her dog. No fucking emotions. Fake ass hell." He catches his breath but before I could talk he starts back talking. "I always wondered why she couldn't keep a fucking man. If this how her ass treated him then I fucking know why. Hell if Imma be that nigga. You know how many bitches wanna have my baby?"

I cut him off before he starts again. "Nigga fuck how many bitches wanna have your baby. Focus on the one having your baby. It's already being made nigga. The little toes and little nose. They even born with fucking sex organs. That's creepy. Just a bit."

He sucks his teeth. "Sex organs?"

"Tiny little weiners." I laugh. "Hopefully you have a boy this time."

"Yeah but I can't be excited."

"Chris she is pregnant. She gonna have good days and fucking bad days. She can't help that shit. Do you not remember my fucking wife pregnant? Fucking MiMi pregnant? Lane knew the fucking deal. He was so damn whiny when she was pregnant."

"Your little dick ass son still whiny."

I laugh. At least I got him calm. "That's not the point."

"I should have done this high." Chris blows.

"Naw, stupidness." I shake my head. "As long as you did it in public they gonna act discreet. Won't be like if you were home. It'll be cool."

The door opens. "Why you in here in the dark talking on the phone?"

"Minding my business." I say to MiMi.

"Yeah, okay." She picks up a blanket walking back out.

"Who that?" Chris asks.

I sigh as the door opens back up. Lane walks in the door as it is being held open.

"It dark." He says going for the light.

"Why you sitting in the dark?" Cammie asks after Lane turns the light on.

I hold the phone up. "Talking to Chris."

"In the dark?"

"Chris say hey." I turn it on speaker.

"Cammie, I'm bout to go to this dinner." He sighs. "I wanna walk away."

Cammie sucks her teeth. "Walk away from what? You can't say no shit like that to me. I'm bout to start acting like it's January 4 years ago."

"Four years ago? I ain't walk..."

"She talking bout our situation with Lane."

Chris sucks his teeth. "I ain't walking away from her, just this dinner. She saying some shit that got me thinking but I ain't leaving my baby. I love my kids."

"Well walking away from something that is important to her is the same as walking away from her. How would you feel if your overbearing never satisfied parents were about to find out you pregnant and not married? And pregnant by America's bad boy? They gonna fuss at her. How she feeling?"

"Aight Cammie. Damn."

Cammie shrugs walking back out. "Yall really need to talk before the dinner. Maybe cancel it. Do it at a later time."

"They might find out before that. If Royalty finds out it's gonna be everywhere. Immediately. I mean she just a baby but her mama. My exes. Social media love finding my shit. I'm not you and Trey."

"That's fine. Talk now then. She done working?"

He sucks his teeth again. "She was acting distant I left."

"Christopher." Cammie sucks her teeth. "You got to fight back. Stop running before you forget what you want and where you want it to go. It's easy to walk away from someone who being a bitch but it's temporary. You figure out if she worth it. Cause loving the baby clearly ain't the problem for you."

"Aight bye."

"Christophluwall?"

He mumbles something. "Imma talk to her now."

"She loves you!"

"Bye." He says hanging up.

Cammie points at me. "I'm not gonna take you hiding in dark rooms whispering sweet nothings to Chris. Let him be his own man."

"I got to help."

"You fixed your shit at home yet?"

I frown. "Did I not?"

"Did we talk?"

I blow. "No."

"Okay then."

Lane looks at me with his face balled up. He hunches his little shoulders and points at me. Imma beat his grown little ass. He follows behind Cammie as she walks out. Cammie always calling people shit out. We haven't had a chance to talk. It's hard with a house full of people and children everywhere. I wish I could go back in time and have the time Chris fucking up. Me and Cammie going to tell her disappointed parents that she pregnant and not married. My poor wife had to deal with this alone. She had to tell her parents alone. Shit she had to tell them that the father wasn't in her or the baby's life. How disappointed were they? Damn. I wish I was there for her. But I can't turn back the hands of time. So caught up in my shit I never sat down with her parents like I'm marrying your daughter. I did everything wrong. He in such a better place and doesn't appreciate it. But my wife right. I got to fix my shit first.

[ish-scribbles]

"They’re prolly going to end up marrying each other"

You and Ushiwaka have been friends ever since you were kids and you both are volleyball players as well. This year, you are a new admission in Shiratorizawa so,,,Ushijima shows you around. Much to the team’s suprise you both seem much more than friends but it's a pity that the only people oblivious to that fact is you two.

Pairing: Ushijima Wakatoshi x Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Soft Ushiwaka, lolol

"A Girl? You can't be serious!" The whole volleyball team of Shiratorizawa couldn't believe what they just heard.

"Guys, I'm not kidding. A REAL GIRL, REAL CUTE, WAS WALKING AROUND THE CAMPUS WITH USHIJIMA-SAN AND THAT'S NOT ALL. When I was in the cafeteria I SAW HER LEANING ON USHIJIMA' S SHOULDER, AND SHE SEEMED ASLEEP(?) WHILE HE CONTINUED EATING HIS FOOD LIKE IT WAS NOTHING" continues the still shocked Goshiki ''Decent in studies, one of the top volleyball aces in the nation and now a girlfriend, is there anything he can't do?!!'' He mumbles to himself.

When Goshiki told the whole team that Ushijima was roaming around the campus with a girl, it was only natural for the team to be in utter shock, considering the type of reserved guy Ushijima usually is. Even Tendou was unaware about your existence, but the way Goshiki was describing you both made it seem that you both relatively affectionate.

The sound of the gym door opening silenced the current discussion and that's when the whole team Ushijima entering with a girl on his side through the gym doors together.

"Wakatoshi, When you told me it'll only be a small walk around campus, YOU SHOULD'VE MENTIONED THAT YOU WERE GOING TO GIVE ME THE WHOLE TOUR OF YOUR GINORMOUS SCHOOL WHICH I CAN ONLY PRESUME WOULD COVER AN ENTIRE DISTRICT" You complained while facing him and walking backwards on your toes trying to put on the most intimidating face you could to show how seriously frusfrated you were.

"I once again apologize, Y/N, I should've asked you to skip your before-school training for the day. I will surely make up for it later, perhaps...a little detour to the ice-cream shop after school might help?" He offered

"It might" you pouted.

The whole team was stunned watching this scene play in front of their own very eyes. The stoic captain of Shiratorizawa, One of the top 3 aces of the country, was being told off by a girl half a foot smaller than him AND HE WAS ACTUALLY APOLOGIZING? Also not to forget...both of you were also on first name basis? Nothing made sense anymore. After a small pause Tendou was the first to break the silence.

"Oya oya, now lookie at what do we have here? Wakatoshi-kun~ You know it would be real rude of you to not introduce your friend to us, right?"

"Oh but of course, I would like all of you to meet L/N Y/N, she is actually going to join our school through sports scholarship for volleyball itself. She is also my neighbour from back home and the closest thing to a best friend I had, ever since when I was a child" Ushijima replies to which Tendou reacts with an "ouch" and an over exaggerated act of heartbreak with his hand on his chest at the fact that Ushiwaka never openly admited Tendou to be his best friend like this.

To which you laugh "You must be Tendou, right? ‘The Miracle Boy!’ if i remeber correctly" YOU smile "Wakatoshi actually talks a lot about his team and especially you! So don't worry, if we’re talking about how close we are to the spiker boy over here, we're probably at the same level, he just won’t admit it" to which Tendou replies "You know what, I think I kinda ike you, new girl. You’re gonna fit in just fine" to which you flash a cheeky smile and a thumb up what a dork.

Your conversation was cut short when Coach Washijo enters the gym and everyone in the team as well as you gave a respectable bow and an energetic ‘Good Afternoon’ and after acknowledging the greetings the old coach finally notices you.

‘‘Ah yes, you must be Y/N-chan. I've heard great things about you from Wakatoshi-kun, I'm glad that you joined the academy. I look forward to see your performance in the Girl's Team.‘‘

"I am very grateful for the opportunity, Coach" You say while giving a sincere bow.

"Although...the girls team are out for a practice match against Aoba Johsai's Girls Team, so you can practice with the boys today." Then he looks away to face the team "I have to attend a staff meeting today so the team managers will conduct today's practice and write a thorough report. So whomever is found slack off during the practice will recieve extra laps and 200 jump serves as penalty tomorrow morning. As for the match Y/N-chan and Wakatoshi-kun you both can divide the teams as per convenience, that is all for today".

They team was surprised to say the least. Coach never let anyone play against Ushiwaka unless he knew the other person could atleast withstand the power of Ushiwaka's Spike so it wouldn't cause any unintentional injury and from the looks of it you didn't seem to be very immune to that fact since you weren't exactly very muscular or buff. You were even somewhat tiny when compared to the rest of the team and yet Coach Washijo was confident enough to put you against Ushiwaka himself.

You got paired up with Tendou, Semi, Taichi, Goshiki and a few others when you divided teams amongst the players present.

"So Y/N-chan~ What position do you play exactly?" Tendou asked.

"Oh I didn’t tell you guys yet? I’m a Wing Spiker" You reply.

"Oh Really?! Little miss Y/N here spikes?" Tendou teases while making all sorts of gestures indicating how small compared to him you were.

"Cut it out, you idiot" Semi interjected with a slight smack to his head.

"If Ushijima-san has a good opinion about Y/N-san's ability, I wouldn’t doubt her considering how rarely he acknowledges another player’s skills" says Goshiki while internally thinking why can’t he ever get Ushiwaka's approval too.

"Wanna bet who scores the most points, Guess Monster?" You challenge Tendou with an smirk on your face.

"Oh my! Little miss Y/N is so daring~You got yourself a deal!" Tendou said excitedly.

The refree’s whistle blew and the match began. Ushiwaka’s team started with a serve which was recieved by your team and the ball was in the air. Semi recieved the ball and tossed it in the air as a set, but that set turned out to be sloppy because when he and the team were supposed to do warm ups and stretching, they were instead busy talking about you and Ushiwaka. The ball was set a little too high and far away for Tendou to hit and Goshiki was positioned in the back, so everyone expected it to be a lost cause and didn’t run after it, the other team relaxed as well. But then an unexpected tiny figure rushed between Semi and Tendou and jumped almost more than half their height and spiked the ball hard into Ushiwaka’s court, while everyone was still processing what just happened in what just felt like a split second. The refree’s whistle rang, evident of the point you just scored.

" Getting sloppy are we now, Miracle Boy?" You teased to which Tendou replied with his sticking his tongue out ‘’I’m just getting started, don’t get cocky’’ and when no one was noticing a small smile crept up on Ushiwaka’s face while the rest of them were plain frozen in their places still processing how were you able to perfect a shot with a set like that. The set was obviously bad and the chances of hitting it was very low but somehow you managed to fix your placement, jump about 3 feet high and spike the ball with crazy accuracy and with power what can only be assumed second to Ushiwaka himself!! All in just a split second.

During the match, you hit a lot of spikes and so did Tendou but the gap between the number of his spikes and yours just kept getting wider while the score of your team and Ushiwaka’s team was almost tied most of the time, no one had the clear lead the whole match, and no one was ready to back down from the other.

At set point, when you were positioned in the back it was your time to serve and you managed to serve a decent ball which almost scored another point if it wasn’t for their libero’s last minute recieve. The libero passed the ball to their setter, Shirabu who set the ball for Ushiwaka who then spiked the ball aimed at the corner of your court but before the ball hit the ground you whooshed in the last minute and managed to recieve the ball perfectly and then Semi and Tendou were able to score the last point which made your team win the practice match. When the refree whistle indicating your win, all your team mates started walking towards the benches, the managers started passing towels and water bottles but you on the other hand, started to walk towards Ushijima furiously.

‘‘That last shot. You intentionally hit the last spike slow and nearer to me so I can recieve it easily, didn’t you?!‘‘ You spat while slightly panting

‘‘You caught up on that?‘‘ Ushijima said while looking slightly sideways in order to avoid eye contact.

‘‘Why would you do that anyways, you don’t think I’m capable enough to take you head-on big guy?‘‘ You were furious. You might not be as tall and as poised as Ushijima but you weren’t bad either, you practiced a lot to perfect your techniques and when Ushijima deliberately was lazying his game, ofcourse that would make you mad.

Watching this a million thoughts came to the team’s head

Goshiki: This was a SLOWED shot?And that was an EASY recieve? Can they just adopt me already-

Semi: How did she recieve that ball that easily and wait- how would she know, if this was slowed and not a regular shot, how close are they exactly?

Shirabu: Even a spike like that has like a 95% success rate and she’s still not happy?She’s crazy,,,but in a good way I suppose?

Tendou: It’s like watching a little puppy trying to intimidate a Wolf and I bet she doesn’t even realizes it, how cute~

‘‘There’s no point of playing if you keep giving me half-assed shots like that, If you don’t want to practice with me anymore, just say it and I’ll go‘‘

‘‘No no Y/N, you’re getting me all wrong, please give me a chance to explain” Ushijima had genuine worry in his eyes when he said this he had a slight change of pitch in his voice ‘‘It’s true I intentionally slowed down the last spike but that wasn’t because I doubt you, It was because I know you like to give it your all, even in a practice games but the game wasn’t fair in the first place. You had gone through your morning training, then you had to attend school and then a whole tour of the campus, So it was obvious that you were already tired even if you weren’t showing it, I’m sorry but I couldn’t help but notice it when you runs were slower, spikes were less accurate than usual and I just couldn’t bear to see it anymore so I thought that it would help to finish the game early‘‘

It was true, you were already exhausted after all you went through during the day but it never showed on your face and the team didn’t realised it either, Still a phrase resounded in their heads ‘runs were slower and the spikes were less accurate than usual’ What kind of a monster was hidden inside your tiny frame?!

‘‘Listen Wakatoshi, I appreciate your concern but I don’t liked to be babied around like that, You can be upfront about it and I would’ve been mature about it‘‘ you said.

‘‘Then it’s my mistake I assumed you would just chase after me trying to beat me up‘‘ Ushiwaka replied genuinly thinking he was wrong.

‘‘DAMN RIGHT I WOULD HAVE, NEVER DOUBT ME EVER AGAIN OR IT WOULD BE THE LAST TIME YOU DO USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI‘‘ You screamed out to which Ushijima replied with an instant ‘’Yes ma’am‘’

‘‘Now that we have sorted that out, after a change of clothes let’s go out and eat some Hayashi Rice‘‘ You spoke to which Ushiwaka replied ‘’Certainly’’.

After the practice you changed into a normal t-shirt and shorts and after reaching the bench just outside the gym you realised that you changed faster than Ushijima, so you decided to sit and wait for him. While you were waiting you felt your calf muscles aching after the whole day of running and jumping,,,and since you already had the disadvantage of being smaller than the rest of the guys you were playing with, you had to run and jump extra.

Ushijima and the rest of the team came out after changing and were walking in your direction at a distance, and while the rest of the team were talking amongst themselves he from afar saw you slightly massaging your sore calfs, he already knew that you today would’ve been a toll on you body.

‘‘Ready to go?‘‘ You ask when Ushijima finally reached you, to which he gave a nod and then he picked up your bag and hung it over his chest to which you said

‘‘Wait what are you doin-’’

‘‘I noticed you still seem to be tired and I still feel guilty about the tour, so it’s the least I can do’’

"Is that so?" You said with a childish look and a cheeky smile on your face ‘"Then you can’t expect me to walk all the way over till we reach the restaurant' you gave him your puppy eyes look and without another word he got on one knee while you walked and stood over him with a stupid "yay" and then wrapped your arms around his neck while nuzzling your face into his broad shoulders with a stupid smile while he got a hold of your legs and finally stood up.

The whole team were frozen at their spots internally cursing both of you on either how single you both made them feel or how oblivious can you be. He then looked towards Tendou and spoke "Tendou, I’ll be a little late than usual, so you can lock the dorm room door if you decide to sleep early, I have my spare key along with me" to which Tendou just said "Oh okay" strangely being less talkative than usual.

After that Ushiwaka just started walking towards the restaurant with you Piggybacking on him like it was nothing while the discussion amongst the team about you two continued.

"They DO realise that THAT is not how people who are 'just friends' act, right?" Goshiki says still shocked.

‘‘I wouldn’t be so sure about that‘‘ Shirabu replied.

‘‘It’s so scary how oblivios Ushijima usually is but in matters like this he couldn’t get any dumber‘‘ Semi continues.

‘‘Who wants to bet against me that they won’t end up together?‘‘ Tendou speaks up with one of his arm in the air and one eye closed while the other looked around to see the people around him.

"Are you kidding, who’s stupid enough to take you up on that bet" Semi replies "Weren’t you here the whole practice? They’re prolly going to end up marrying each other’’.

[micamicster]

yo i started black sails a while ago and got through the first two episodes and was kinda bored. ik you like it though and you seem to have very good taste though so does it get better?

Hi there! Thank you for asking--I'm gonna put my reply under the cut because I'm sure it will get long (i talk a lot lol)

So if you follow me then you know I obviously love black sails (it ranks among my favorite shows) and I've never found it boring. However that doesn't mean I don't have my issues with it, and the first season in particular. When I went into the show I was hesitant for a lot of reasons. The hashtag girlboss speeches for eleanor, max potentially being a thinly written stereotype, and a very upsetting rape plot line, to name a few of the more glaring flaws of the first few episodes.

If any of those things are behind you not enjoying the show, I would say press on. A few people I know even recommend skipping season one and starting with season 2. But while I would say that the show is miles better in season 2, I also think that a lot of what I love about black sails is present from the beginning.

You said that you were bored, not that any of these things was particularly the problem. In which case, it's completely possible that this show just isn't really your thing. I have a lot of friends irl that I don't recommend the show to just because I know it's not for them. Either it's too violent, or it's too serious, or they don't like period dramas no matter the type, or they won't enjoy the stylized theatrical dialogue, or a million other reasons.

I love the show for a lot of reasons. I think the acting is brilliant, the writing is compelling, the themes are powerful and well executed. I like the politics of it and the romance of it, and I love to watch pirates fight each other with swords on boats! Honestly, I probably would have enjoyed the show if it had been half as well made as it is, simply because i love to watch pirates fight each other with swords on boats so much

If there's anything in particular that's making you hesitant about black sails you can tell me, and I can let you know if it's something that's likely to change as the show progresses. But it also might just be a place where our tastes diverge. And that's okay too!

[anxi-aashi]

rocks and riches (pt 2)

zuko x reader

Pt 1 / Pt 3 / Pt 4 / Pt 5

words: 5.7k

warnings: still cursing. slight angst but i dont think its that bad. me projecting my bad overthinking habits. uhhhh pining and obliviousness?

summary: in which zuko is stressed and you are stressed and the fire nation is planning a party.

a/n: listen, as far as ik, zuko doesn’t get his dragon in the comics and i don’t want to google it cause i dont want to spoil anything for myself. I KNOW this. but its my fanfic and i wanted a dragon in it so he is. also, ngl, i almost cried writing this. i dont know why, but it almost happened. there’s gonna be a part 3 but as you probably gathered from the posting of this part, i don’t have a schedule for posting. i just vibe and ending up pooping out fanfic thats not half bad. enjoy and i’ll keep yall updated!

Despite being dubbed as a lifelong friend in the previous chapter, Zuko was absolute shit at keeping in touch. 

During his time at the Academy, you and Zuko proved to be a dangerous--and inseparable--combo. It turned out that you were an excellent board for bouncing snarky comments off of, and once Zuko got you going, your jokes could be ruthless. It’s safe to say that while Toph and the rest of the group liked you just fine, they did not enjoy what happened when you and Zuko were feeling a little petty.

Your sparring matches continued daily without any other incriminating incidents. Zuko never outright said anything, but you could tell that he could tell you were getting better with every fight. You could also tell that he was a little proud of you, but you could never get him to admit it.

Whenever you would practice your metalbending in the evenings and the occasional restless night, you found you often had an audience. Zuko flushed red and came strangely close to resembling a catdeer caught in a Fire Nation tank’s path the first time you caught him watching you, but you didn’t think much of it. You found other bending forms mesmerizing in their own way too, and it was always nice to watch another person’s style of combat. You always heard that bending was an extension of oneself, so to you, bending style was an extension of the soul. More could be told about a person through their actions and effort in something they were passionate about than any amount of staring into someone’s eyes, in your opinion. 

You told Zuko this much after he’d finally brushed off any lingering embarrassment a little bit into your training session. He’d gone to say something in response but ended up just staring at you a little bit. And as if his presence wasn’t already distracting enough, you could’ve sworn he was looking at you through a different lens the rest of the night.

One night turned into two, then onto two added one more, and by the time his two weeks in the Earth Kingdom were up, you were pretty confident you knew everything about him. 

It almost scared you how easy it was to be around him and talk to him. It was never easy for you to talk to anyone about your feelings--and it still wasn’t--but with him, everything came spilling out before you could stop it. You didn’t really know what to think of that.

And you didn’t even want to go back to thinking about how attractive he was, because you were already confused about one layer of your relationship with him, and you did not need to be confused about another.

Luckily, Zuko had to leave before you had to think about those thoughts any further.

Unluckily, Zuko had to leave.

You didn’t want to say you were depressed that he was leaving, because that wasn’t true. But you sure as Agni weren’t happy about it. 

A small part of you that was stupid told you that there was still a one percent chance he wasn’t going all the way back to the Fire Nation. That one percent came from the fact that he’d never told you specifically that he was the Fire Lord, more so because you’d never brought it up, somehow, in the million different things you two had talked about the past two weeks. That stupid part of your brain told you that one percent meant there was still a chance he was going back somewhere a lot closer, like another Fire Nation colony.

Your hopes for that were squashed when he brought up messenger hawks. 

“(Y/N), if you cry I’m going to be really mad at you, because then I’m going to start crying, and I don’t want Sokka to have more ammunition to tease me about on the trip back.”

You rolled your eyes and furiously blinked away any tears that had started to manifest. You also internally rolled your eyes at yourself when your voice came out strained and wobbly. “I’m not crying.” You cleared your throat aggressively. “I’ll miss you, but not that much.”

“You do realize all I’m choosing to acknowledge out of that is ‘I'll miss you,’ right?” he teased.

“Asshole.”

It was his turn to roll his eyes. “Asshole or not I hope you know I’m going to be sending you a shit ton of messenger hawks. Buy some bird food in advance,” he crossed his arms across his chest.

You tried to ignore the way his forearms looked ten times bigger when he did that. “Messenger hawks?” you repeated.

“Yeah. I’ve only got so many friends as is, you think I’m going to let the new one I made in just two weeks go back to being a stranger so easily?” Then, his confidence seemed to crumble away as a sheepish look took its place. “Unless, you know, you can’t do that. Or don’t want to. That’s fine. I just--”

Guilt stabbed you as he started backtracking. “No, no! That’s not what I meant! I--” You’re what? You’re waiting for him to tell you he’s the sole ruler of an entire country? You sighed and started over. “I’d really like it if we kept in touch. Send as many birds as you want. I’ll figure out how to work them somehow,” you amended, meaning every word.

A smile crept up on his face and he sighed, the tension leaving his shoulders bit by bit. “I can send you instructions in the first letter.”

You huffed a laugh through your nose. “You better. Or else you’re not going to be hearing from me for a looooong time.”

He grinned. “We can’t have that.”

--

A year went by.

You’d mentally gone over everything you wrote to him in your last letter so many times, you pretty much had it memorized:

Zuko,

I am SO sorry. I know you must be frustrated and I totally understand that. But I’m going to have to side with your uncle on that one. Sorry! You know I try to be objective on these things, so I would go talk to him about what to do. Don’t stress too much, everything will always work itself out eventually. Just because there’s a knot in a string, doesn’t mean there’s no way to unravel it. 

Also, I like the name Druk! You never mentioned what kind of animal it was, so I have no clue what I’m trying to name, but I hope it fits at least a little. 

And, yes, I know what you’re probably thinking right now. “What? Where is the amazing pun that I usually get at the beginning of every letter that I love so much?” I know normally I would start off with a bad pun like usual, but I’m too excited! I have to tell you what happened instead. 

Apparently, there’s going to be a gala held in the Fire Nation by the Fire Lord himself! And! Toph was invited to bring some of her metalbending students to showcase to the other nations what she’s accomplished and taught us! There’s going to be some sort of demonstration or something! And! She picked me as one of the students to go!!!!

I’ve never been to the Fire Nation, obviously. I’ve never even been outside of the Earth Kingdom! I’m going to eat so much spicy food that the next time you see me I will have evolved into a dragon. I will be able to breathe fire. It doesn’t matter that I’m not a firebender. I’ll do it. You watch.

Riku was also picked to go, but I’m not too bummed. He sucks still, no improvement since last time I told you he did something shitty, but he definitely knows not to mess with me anymore, so I don’t think I’ll have to worry about him much. 

I don’t think I’m excited just yet. The gala doesn’t happen for another 5 months. I can’t make myself be excited about something so far in advance when I still have so much to do here in the time before then. I’m sure the time will end up going by quick, though. I think.

I also can’t believe it’s been 7 months since the last time I saw you! I can’t tell if time has gone by faster or slower than usual. I feel like it's both at the same time. It’s very disorienting.

On another note, Toph decided a couple of weeks ago that we should have a field trip, so we took a trip to Ba Sing Se. I know I’ve said before that I don’t drink tea that often, but there’s this one shop in the Upper Ring called The Jasmine Dragon. I can’t stress this enough when I say that I could die in that shop and be completely fine with it. The tea was about as addicting as Sokka’s cactus juice sounded when he told me about it. And the owner was so nice! I ended up talking with him for several hours and when I walked out of there I felt like my soul had transcended to another level of intelligence. He had so much to say and yet he barely said anything at all. It was transformative. He did mention his nephew about a thousand times--by the end of my visit I was half-convinced he was trying to set me up with him! But the more I look back on it, I think he just spoke from a place of pure pride. It was really nice.

Also, don’t tell anyone this, but the other day I forgot how to use a time candle. Just for a minute. I remembered eventually, but it was not my brightest moment.

Tell me if your issue worked out in your next letter! And what kind of pet you have that I may or may not have just named! And everything that’s going on with you!

Best,

(Y/N)

PS: I don’t miss you

You couldn’t figure out what you said that made him stop writing. Every day that went by without a messenger hawk was another day closer to the gala. And that thought only made you stress out more.

You’d figured out that he was definitely the Fire Lord. It was obvious. And you’d confirmed it. So you were definitely going to see him at the gala. You had to. There was no getting around it. It was his gala.

The thought of seeing him again used to excite you. But ever since he went bird-silent, you were a mess of anxiety and nerves and you actually got nauseous every time you thought about your situation. 

Did he get sick of you? Was he not allowed to write to you anymore? Did they run out of messenger hawks in the Fire Nation? No, that wasn’t possible. Unless they went suddenly extinct and you didn’t know about it yet? Did something happen to him? Was he ok? Did he break his hands or arms at some point and physically couldn’t write back? If that were the case, wouldn’t he, the Fire Lord, have found someone to write a letter to tell you for him? Was he dead?

These were the kind of things that you tried not to think about as days went by. You kept training and practicing and even asked Toph to start teaching you seismic sense to keep your mind off of it. But time kept moving. And soon the five months were up and you were on a small Fire Navy boat headed directly toward the source of all your problems.

You were a mess.

--

The boat pulled into the dock way sooner than you wanted.

You spent the entire trip either training or meditating. This was usually normal for you, but on the last travel day, Toph apparently thought it would be best to talk to you about it anyway.

You sat on the deck near the bow of the ship, messing around with a hunk of metal, turning it from one shape to another with your bending. Thanks to your training with Toph, you could sense someone was walking toward you, but only right before they sat down (it was still a work in progress). You glanced to your right and found Toph in her usual Earth Kingdom tunic, leaned back on her hands with her feet stuck straight out in front of her. “Hey,” you greeted.

She cocked an eyebrow. “You know, you may have said that calmly, but your heart rate is all over the place, as it has been for the past five months.”

You swore mentally. Of course she had noticed. “I’m fine,” you assured her.

“I’m sure you are,” she sarcastically agreed, “but I just thought I’d mention to you--as I have with the rest of you lily-livers--that being the Fire Lord is a very hectic job that comes with a lot of time-consuming responsibilities. So he probably won’t be there to greet us at the dock. You guys will most likely meet him later tonight or tomorrow.”

Just based on that answer, you knew she knew what was bothering you, but you appreciated her trying to make you feel better. “Thank you,” you replied, and you hoped she knew you meant it in more than just one way.

She shrugged. “Ehhh, no problem.” Then she waited a beat before punching your arm, standing up and walking away. 

You rubbed the now sore spot on your arm and smiled a bit. You always knew she liked you. 

The horn from your boat sounded, startling you out of your moment of peace. Standing up, you went to look over the rail and swore when you saw the shores of the Fire Nation even closer than you anticipated. Your moment of peace was ruined.

The boat pulled up to the appropriate dock, the ramp lowering and landing with a thump. Your heartbeat spiked and you turned away from your perch, shakily wiping the sweat accumulating on your palms onto your pant leg.

You seriously needed to calm down. You wanted to calm down, really, but even breathing exercises could only do so much for your anxiety. 

Toph led the group down the ramp, everyone filing behind her. 

One last deep breath entered and exited your lungs. You shook your head in a last-ditch attempt to clear the surging need to run away to your bunk on the ship as if the action would magically clear any doubts you had been feeling for the last five months. 

You filed in and walked down the ramp.

There were a couple of Fire Nation guards waiting for you on the dock. This didn’t really surprise you, since you'd guessed that special gala guests would be of some importance to the Fire Nation court, but you thought you would have at least a couple of hours to try and collect yourself before you had to face Zuko.

But there he stood, directly between the two guards that had been assigned to meet you, hands tucked behind his back, feet spread shoulder-width apart, dressed in full Fire Lord regalia from head to toe.

And he looked just as nervous as you were.

You knew it was probably the last thing you should’ve been thinking about, but after not seeing him for a year... fuck he looked good.

Seriously? What kind of dark spirit gave him the right to look even hotter than he already was in his royal armor? That wasn’t fair at all.

However, during the time you spent trying to get over the shock of how good-looking you forgot he was, he had already been introduced to and bowed to the rest of your peers, and had made his way over to you.

He stopped in front of you. A slight wrinkle seemed to be etched into his forehead from the nervous expression that plagued his face. The Fire Lord bowed in greeting and you returned the gesture.

The two of you rose and locked eyes. You waited for him to say something, but he just stared at you with his good eye widened slightly, probably waiting for you to say something first.

You didn’t know how exactly it happened, but not only had the shock of seeing him after a year somehow quieted your anxiety for the moment, it had also made your mind completely void of any words to say to him. So you met his stare and said the first words that came to you. 

“I like your hair.”

A beat passed. Zuko blinked. “Oh. Uh, thanks.”

“I mean it looks good down too!” You didn’t know why you were still talking. “I just mean, you know, the hair thingy… is cool.” Your eyes flicked up to his royal hairpiece and back to his gaze.

Zuko blinked again. His brow had shifted to furrow over his eyes as he stared at you like two heads had suddenly sprouted from your shoulders without you noticing.

It was getting awkward. “What,” you said, trepidation coating your voice.

“I--you’re not mad? About the whole...” his hand gestured to his hairpiece.

Now it was your turn to be confused. “No? I’ve known you were the Fire Lord pretty much since we met, Zuko. I mean--Fire Lord. Zuko.” you corrected. 

Zuko opened his mouth to say something, but his eyes flickered to the rest of your audience and closed it again, evidently choosing to keep it to himself. He awkwardly cleared his throat and inhaled before addressing the rest of the Academy representatives who had all been carefully observing your interaction. (Toph, especially, looked unnervingly smug with her arms crossed and a wicked smirk contorting her mouth as she stared in you and Zuko’s general direction.) “Well, thank you all for being here, and welcome to the Fire Nation. If you’ll follow me we can make our way to the palace and I can show you your rooms.”

With that, Zuko turned on his heel and walked back towards his guards, who snapped to attention and flanked him as he passed to the front of the group. The eyes of your peers lingered on you for a second (though what they were thinking, you had no clue) before following Zuko.

You heaved a sigh and felt nearly all the stress of the past five months leak out of your body. That wasn’t so bad, was it? 

As you carried yourself at the back of the group, you finally allowed yourself to take in your surroundings. It was, after all, your first time in another nation, and Zuko or no Zuko, you were going to enjoy yourself. Red buildings surrounded you everywhere. You felt like you were an ant standing in a field of poppies, insignificant and important at the same time. Obscuring the horizon was a huge volcano covered in green, completely different from the angry black you always imagined the Fire Nation to be smothered in. The air was different than in the Earth Kingdom--it was a thick warmth that surrounded you instead of the usual dry heat back home. You weren’t entirely sure how you felt about the humidity yet, but you were sure you would get used to it eventually. 

A cough from one of the metalbenders drew your attention away from the scenery. You turned to locate the origin out of instinct, but ignored it when all you saw was a few of your peers murmuring amongst each other. 

You went back to looking around the harbor, stopping to glance at Zuko beforehand, only to catch him looking at you already. This time though, unlike the first time you two met, he subtly jerked his head forward over his shoulder, motioning for you to walk with him. 

You looked to the rest of your group to make sure no one was paying any direct attention to you and discreetly sped up your walking pace to catch up to him. Somewhere in the back of your head, though, you remembered that in the presence of Earth Kingdom royalty, you were to never walk side by side with them, only slightly behind, to signify the class difference to other passers-by. 

Zuko looked behind him again, probably to check if you were coming, only to see you trailing behind him slightly. You raised your eyebrows in question when he gave you a weird look instead of telling you what you assumed he needed to. But your silent question was answered when he slowed his pace just enough to walk right beside you. 

Zuko may not have noticed it, and maybe it wasn’t a big thing in the Fire Nation, but the abrupt stop of the low murmuring from the other metalbenders told you they noticed just fine. 

You grimaced, but decided you were too tired emotionally at that moment to worry about whatever political niceties you were or weren’t supposed to follow and turned to face Zuko. “How’d you know?” he asked as soon as you made eye contact.

You raised an eyebrow. “What, about that?” you pointed to his hairpiece.

He nodded.

“Uh, your name’s kind of recognizable. I don’t know much about the Fire Nation, but I know there’s probably not a whole bunch of other ‘Zukos’ running around. Plus, you were the one that suggested we use messenger hawks to keep in touch. And those are exclusively native to the Fire Nation. Aaaand I may or may not have heard a passing description of what the Fire Lord looked like a while ago, and the description may or may not have included a red scar covering his entire left eye and ear. It was pretty easy to piece together after that,” you shrugged.

Zuko winced and looked down at his feet, so you immediately knew he was feeling guilty. “Hey,” you started, getting Zuko to turn back to you, “I figured if you hadn’t told me when we first met, then you didn’t want me to know. I knew you’d tell me when you were ready, so I didn’t say anything.” He still didn’t look convinced. “Please stop looking like a kicked fire-ferret because it’s making me feel bad even though I know I didn’t do anything wrong.”

A small smile appeared on his face at your attempt to humor him into being happy again and you felt yourself smiling back at the sight of it. Maybe the year wait was worth it after all because for whatever reason this smile was even more special than any other one before it. Absence makes the heart grow fonder right?

“You’re really not mad?” he repeated.

“What kind of insensitive asshole would I be if I was? I know running an entire country is probably a stressful job, right? I totally understand if you want to pretend you're not in charge of a whole ass nation while you’re on vacation with your friends.”

“I was actually also kind of there to talk to Toph about having metalbenders at the gala. So not entirely a vacation.”

“Spirits, do you want me to be mad at you or something? Let me forgive you!”

Zuko winced again. “Sorry.”

“Stop apologizing! You have nothing to apologize for!”

“S--” Zuko caught himself before he could say it again. He sighed, exasperated, and head hung to his chest in defeat. You threw your head back and let out a laugh, grinning at him. He only turned his head slightly further away from you, but you could tell he was hiding a smile in favor of keeping up his sulking. 

“Oh, wait!” you exclaimed. “You never told me! What kind of animal is Druk? Did you even name him that?”

This time Zuko grinned at you. “I named him Druk,” he confirmed.

He didn’t go on. 

“And Druk is aaaaa…?” you encouraged.

Zuko turned to look at the path in front of him, the smile still playing on his lips. He didn’t say anything else on the matter.

You huffed and looked ahead of you too. “You’re useless,” you grumbled.

His laughter was not as quiet as you believe he thought it was.

--

“DRUK IS A DRAGON?!”

Your voice was a little loud for the serene atmosphere the palace garden provided, but you didn’t really care at the moment, because perched on Zuko’s shoulder was a small, doll-sized version of the animal you had always heard such terrifying stories about. And there it sat, staring at you with its golden eyes it hadn’t quite grown into yet, looking at you with anything but man-eating malice.

Zuko snickered under his breath at your astonishment, but the grin on his face did nothing to hide his amusement. “Do you want to pet him?” 

You leveled him with an incredulous look. “I--I’m still trying to get over the fact that you have a fucking dragon sitting on your shoulder right now.” 

Druk chirruped at you in curiosity and then flapped his wings slightly, looking at Zuko expectantly. “He wants to meet you,” Zuko translated.

You were still at a loss for words. “What?”

“I’m going to take a couple steps forward, alright?” he warned.

“Uh--”

Zuko walked towards you a little, your feet keeping you planted where you stood, but Druk didn’t wait for Zuko to finish. He hopped off of his shoulder and haphazardly glided over to you, flapping his wings intermittently and settling on your shoulder.

You froze, glancing at the dragon out of the corner of your eye. Your corresponding arm rose cautiously to meet him, and for some reason, Druk took that opportunity to climb down your arm and loop around your hand, facing you directly. “Hello,” you said, not knowing where else to go from here.

Druk responded by breathing fire in your face.

“Druk! No!” Zuko scolded while you reared your head back in surprise. 

Zuko moved to grab him, but you glanced at him from your defensive position. “It’s okay,” you assured. You looked at Druk. He cocked his head and blew fire in your face again. You leaned back further and said, “No,” then you leaned forward to look Druk in the eyes, “don’t do that.”

Druk chirruped and cocked his head in the other direction. You pursed your lips and huffed a small bit of air at him to punctuate the action. Druk stared at you and blew a smaller breath of fire that didn’t reach your face. 

You shook your head to answer the question you hoped the dragon was actually thinking. “Nope. Can’t do that. Not a firebender.” You blew another whoosh of cold air in his face to prove your point. Please understand me, you thought, I really don’t want to look completely stupid right now.

Druk snorted and steam came out of his nostrils. He chirruped at a lower tone this time and crawled up your arm to sit on your shoulder facing Zuko. You thought the interaction was over, but Druk leaned in closer to your face and huffed fire in Zuko’s direction. 

This just confused you. Your eyes flicked to Zuko for an explanation, but you found him staring at the two of you, dumbfounded. “What does that mean,” you asked.

“I have no clue,” Zuko answered.

You opened your mouth to say something, and Druk did it again. This time, you understood. Your mouth dropped open and you gaped at the dragon in awe. “Is he trying to make it look like I can breathe fire?” you squeaked out.

“I...” Zuko faltered, “I think so.”

Druk snorted again, more steam blowing out of his nose, then flapped his wings and landed on your head. You felt him move around in a circle before stopping. You looked wide-eyed at Zuko. He just smiled and said, “I hope you weren’t planning on going out tonight, cause he just fell asleep.”

You closed your eyes and opened them again, pursing your lips and staring at a random point of nothing in front of Zuko. Druk had just earned his spot on your "Cutest Animal in Existence" list, tied with turtleducks--though they had some competition now. “I might cry,” you announced confidently. 

“You want to sit by the pond instead?”

You went to nod your head, but paused and said, “Okay,” when you remembered the dragon taking a nap up there.

The two of you walked over to the tree that shaded the turtleduck pond. Zuko plopped down and crossed his legs while you stomped your foot, forcing a small pillar of earth out of the ground, and sat next to him, leaning against the tree with your feet propped up on your rock. With a dragon rendering you partially immobile for time being and the peace of the evening settling in, you figured it was as good a time as any to bring up the last question that had been bugging you.

“Hey, Zuko?” you began.

“Hmm?” he answered while playing with a piece of grass.

“Did you really stop writing to me because you thought I’d be mad you didn’t tell me you were the Fire Lord?”

He tensed so hard you could feel it through the foot of space that separated you. “Oh, uhhh--”

“I’m still not mad!” you rushed to clarify again. “I was just wondering.”

Some of the tension left his shoulders, as far as you could tell through the shoulder spikes of his armor. “Oh. Well, um,” he looked down at the grass he was messing with and started pulling at it, “as you know, I was kind of worried you would be mad at me for not telling you I was the Fire Lord during the two weeks I had to tell you, so when I got your letter and you said you would be coming for the gala, I… panicked. A little.” He looked up and over his shoulder at you, trying to read your face. “I’m sorry, again. I didn’t mean to hurt you or cause you as much stress as I was feeling.”

“Oh--” you scoffed in an attempt to lighten the atmosphere a little, “I wasn’t hurt I was fine! I was just curious, you know?” The half-hearted grin melted off your face and you averted your gaze to a baby turtleduck chasing after it’s mom. 

You could feel his eyes on you. Your half-assed attempt to deflect hadn’t worked as well as you wanted it to.

“I know you told me to stop saying it, but I’m sorry. I’m not really good at this whole ‘friends’ thing if that helps at all,” he amended.

Your eyebrows knitted together. “But… Aang and--”

Zuko snorted. “Trust me, the story behind how I became friends with them just proves my point even more.” He ripped a strand of grass out of the ground and began twisting it around his fingers.

“I wasn’t the best person for a lot of my teenage years,” he continued. “And I know I’ve made up for a lot, if not most, of my mistakes to all the people I care about. And I know I’m a better person now, but I still have those days or those small moments that come out of nowhere sometimes, you know? When I feel like I don’t deserve any of it.

“I’ve never had a friend that came so… easily. I’ve always had to work to make friends--earn their trust before I could get anywhere else. And I didn’t with you. I think a part of me feels like I’m going to mess up at any second and when you mentioned you were coming to the gala I guess I kind of figured… that was it. That was the screw-up I was waiting for. I’m sorry,” he finished, dejectedly.

Quiet wove its way back between the two of you. Your heart pounded in your ears and you wished you could reach inside his brain and fix whatever doubts or negative emotions he was feeling and make him happy like he deserved to be. 

You couldn’t actually do that, though, so you settled for the next thing you could think of. You leaned up from the tree, tapping the ground to sink your footstool back into the earth, and carefully scooted up to sit directly beside Zuko without waking Druk in the process. You looked at him still fiddling with his piece of grass and asked, “Do you want a hug?” 

Zuko’s hands stopped moving as he turned to face you. “What?” 

“I’m asking if you want a hug. I know some people don’t really like hugs, like, I’m not really a fan of hugs, but I didn’t know if you were, so I’m asking just in case you’re one of those people too. But you look like you need a hug. So I’m asking if you want one,” you rambled.

There was a bit of time where Zuko just stared at you, and it went on for so long that you almost went to take back what you said. But then you heard him mutter in the quietest voice you had ever heard him speak in, so soft you barely caught it to begin with, “... yes please,” and you felt your heart squeeze.

You scooted over to close the few inches that still separated you and he pulled you the rest of the way. Zuko’s arms wrapped around you and he buried his head in the crook of your neck. Heat radiated off of him and seeped into your bones from his palms, his fingertips, his breath. Your arms wrapped around his torso and you didn’t know how it was possible, since you were both sitting in the grass in the most awkward position known to man, but it was the most comfortable hug you’d ever been a part of.

“(Y/N)?” he mumbled into your shoulder.

“Hmm?” you said into his chest armor.

“I don’t miss you too.”

Your eyes widened and you were brought back to the end-note you wrote him in your last letter. Because of that, you knew exactly what he was trying to say. You clasped your wrists together behind his back and pulled him closer.

~taglist~ (let me know if you would like to be added or taken off!)

@sorrythatspussynal

[growup-thatbeautiful]

sad but not alone

Ahsoka and Rex post-order 66 fic

Word Count: 1,382

Warnings: Canon-typical violence, death, angst

Please let me know if you want to be on a tag list!

This is for @radbatch !! Happiest of birthdays! (Ik i’m late, but i wanted to do a little more) Share the Ahsoka love a little :))

Ahsoka doesn’t ask for help when she needs it. That’s something Rex has known for a very long time. It’s something all of the Jedi share, he’s learned. Cody has come to him countless times, complaining about General Kenobi’s recklessness and sleeplessness. Now is one of those times that Ahsoka isn’t asking for help.

It’s not like Rex is in some mentally stable place either, though. He’s probably one of the least qualified people to give advice in the face of an intergalactic crisis. Force, he just lost all of his brothers in a matter of hours. For the first time, he’s truly alone. No, he reminds himself, Ahsoka’s still here. Ahsoka, who’s so young and has had so much pain bestowed upon her, who treated every single man under her like a person, not a clone, who used to laugh with General Skywalker to distract the rest of them from death.

If he’s lost all his brothers today, she’s lost everyone slowly over time, taking the blows she’s been dealt standing tall. He doesn’t know what’s running through her head right now, but whatever it is he wants to be there with her for it. She’s the only person he’s really seen grow up, and he would be lying if he said he isn’t impressed with the fighter she’s become. But the Jedi aren’t supposed to be fighters, they’re supposed to protect peace. Peace, an idea he’s not even sure he could recognize.

If there’s one thing the 501st taught him, it’s that having someone to be sad with is better than having no one to be sad with.

Fives had been big on that. When they lost Echo, they had spent countless hours together, sitting in the silence of hyperspace. Rex would open his mouth to say something, maybe try and help Fives get through the loss, but he genuinely had nothing to say then. He still doesn’t have anything to say, but he still talks to Fives all the time. Ahsoka says that it’s healthy and that he could be out there listening. Rex doesn’t know if he believes her, but it’s a nice thought.

They walked away from the grave together, leaving a trail of footprints in the snow that they didn’t try at all to cover up. No one was supposed to survive that crash. That alone had given them the time they needed to build the grave in the first place.

It had been Ahsoka’s idea. The duty of burying the dead usually fell to clones below Rex, but he tried to be there most of the time to say goodbye. It’s always a sad occasion, of course it is. Saying goodbye to someone you’ve fought beside is never easy. Today was different. They didn’t lose in a hard-fought battle. Those men didn’t die protecting the Republic, they died with weapons pointed at their beloved Commander.

Ahsoka didn’t take the job lightly. Each body she found in various levels of destruction she treated tenderly, rearranging cold, dead limbs into peaceful, sleeping positions. Wiping the blood away, really just smearing it around. It breaks Rex’s heart how familiar she is with these motions. He’s no stranger to them either, and he would never make Ahsoka do it alone. For each of the brothers that he finds, the names fall off his lips like the meditative prayers of Kenobi. There’s so many of them. If it was ever eerie to see something so close to his own face staring back up at him, dead, that’s worn off. Years of this have made sure of it.

“Rex.” It’s one of the first things Ahsoka’s said since the crash. He follows her haunted voice, stopping when he sees why she called out.

Jesse. His helmet is cracked, a canyon through the Republic’s crest and Ahsoka’s paint, splitting it down the middle. His body is wrapped around himself, curled up like a child, like he was hiding from the screams and chaos. The armour on his chest is stained red, and his neck is bent at a broken angle. It brings Rex to his knees, hitting the floor hard. He doesn’t notice the impact, too preoccupied with the blinding and overwhelming pain from inside and the feel of tears streaming down his cheeks.

Ahsoka is on her knees beside him, a comforting hand on his back where he’s doubled over, making these terrible hitching noises in the back of his throat. He knows that whatever he’s feeling Ahsoka can feel too, and he doesn’t want to be the one to hurt her even more, but he can’t help it. The waves of tears keep coming until there aren’t any more, and he’s left with scratchy eyes and red cheeks. Through it all, Ahsoka stayed by his side. He looks up at her to see his tears mirrored on her face, quiet and impassive. One of her hands is facing palm up, resting on her knees, and she’s whispering soothing words for Jesse. Or Rex. Or both.

They help each other to their feet, ignoring the battle pains. The helmets are set up on pikes, the most they can do. Ahsoka leaves her lightsabers in the snow with the dead. Rex doesn’t have the energy to think about that significance.

They build a camp in a cave a little ways away, figuring that it’s better to be safe and wait it out a few days in case anyone comes looking. Rex doesn’t actually think that anyone will, and he’s pretty sure Ahsoka doesn’t either. But this isn’t a battle that they can recover from easily. No, they have to take a second to regroup.

Ahsoka starts a fire and Rex grabs some ration bars that he grabbed from the wreck. They sit side by side, shoulders pressed together tightly, reassuring each other that someone is there.

To his surprise, she opens up before he can ask her. It saves him the trouble of figuring out what to say. “I can’t feel anything. I’ve always had the force beside me, inside me, and now it’s out of balance. It’s like there’s this gaping darkness that was never there before, and I don’t know why. I don’t know if-“ her voice breaks here, and she covers her mouth, hiding a sob.

Predictably, she pushes through. “I don’t know if I made this happen. What if it’s my fault? It’s never felt this…wrong, and, stars, I can’t feel Anakin. It’s not the same as when I left the Order. Then it was distant, but he was still there with me. Now that part of me feels broken and painful. I think he’s gone.” A quiet confession by the fire, her face lit in shadows. It doesn’t surprise Rex as much as it should, but he knows the Padawan-Master bond is strong. If she says it, it’s true.

“I’m scared. Rex, I don’t want to be alone.” He knows this takes a lot for her to admit this. She’s usually the epitome of strength, never letting her guard down in front of the people counting on her. It’s a habit that she most likely picked up from Obi-Wan. Force knows it’s not Skywalker’s style. He can’t just leave that hanging, though.

“Hey, kid, it’s alright. You’ve been lost before, yeah? You’re gonna find your way again. Everything’s going to work out.” The last sentence falls flat. He’s not even fooling himself. “And maybe things won’t be okay, but we’re still us, right? I’ve still got my Commander with me, and you’ve still got your Captain. You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried.”

“Look, I can’t pretend to understand the force, but I know that, so far, it hasn’t led you wrong. Things are changing in the galaxy, and we can’t control that, so we might as well be along for the ride. I know you, Commander, and you’re not going to let this change you. Sure, you’re gonna grow with it, but you’ll always have what he taught you. What they all taught you. What I taught you.”

“So, trust in the force.” It’s something he’s heard General Kenobi say a million times to his Padawan and Grandpadawan. “Let it guide you. I’ll be right there with you.”

“Thank you, Rex.”

“Of course, Commander.”

[ptergwen]

last christmas | pt. 2

❆ series masterlist ❆

w/c: 2.5k

warnings: one suggestive joke and a couple of angsty moments

a/n: yo i forgot that harry was actually in this movie as an extra? that’s kinda funny to me but anyways pls send requests (ik it’s annoying i keep asking i’m just so bored y’all help) and enjoyyy

━━━ *:･。.

today feels better than most days. the throbbing headache you usually wake up with isn’t there. plus, you have your date with tom later. it still feels surreal to say that. it still feels surreal he’s your friend’s brother, and you only found out three days ago.

you throw on some sweats and head into the living room. your roommate alex is in front of the tv with a bowl of cereal. she puts it down, the spoon making an obnoxiously loud clink. you’re sensitive to sound, so you unintentionally wince.

“sorry, y/n/n. i thought you had the day off, no?” she asks, lowering the tv for your sake. you smile at the gesture and go to grab your coat. “i do. i just wanna get breakfast.” “we have stuff here,” alex reminds you and picks up her cereal for emphasis. she’s careful not to drop the spoon this time. laughing to yourself, you shrug into your coat.

“i’ll pass. i wanted to say hi to harry, anyway.” “right, tonight’s the night.” she turns her head towards you and smirks. “you’re shagging his brother.” your eyes go comically wide. “no i’m not! he’s taking me out somewhere,” you defend and button up your coat as fast as you can. it’s time to get out of here.

“i’ll make plans just in case,” alex calls out as you shuffle to the door. “yeah, bye!” you shout back. you planned on asking if she wanted anything, but you were too distracted. oh well.

━ ❆

the café isn’t too crowded when you get there. harry is on register, so he’s probably in a good mood. he eyes you curiously when you step up. you give him a big smile.

“you’re not in today,” he says quietly, pushing up the santa hat he’s wearing. you stifle a laugh. you’re all supposed to dress up festively, but you don’t. your manager made an exception. one of your co workers is watching harry, so he fixes the hat. it’s not done without a long exhale.

“i’m here for coffee,” you explain and glance up at the menu. harry squints at you. “you couldn’t have gone anywhere else?” feigning offense, you put your hand on your chest. “why, you don’t want to see me?” “when you’re supposed to be home resting, no.” he taps a button on the register. “what can i get you?”

“first of all, i have a date later. that won’t be happening,” you tell him smugly. he would try to act annoyed, but he’s honestly happy for you. tom, too. “can i have an iced coffee with liquid sweetener? please?” harry raises an eyebrow. “room for milk?” “sure,” you almost chirp. he can’t help but grin.

“i haven’t seen you this happy the whole time i’ve known you,” he mumbles while punching in your order. your smile fades into a concerned grimace. “is that okay, do you think?” harry looks up at you again. “why wouldn’t it be?” “because, i mean, it’s only one date. it could end up going no where.”

you lean over the counter so you can talk quieter. “what would i be happy about then?” “excuse me?” a woman interrupts your conversation louder than necessary. you’re trying to search harry’s face for an answer, but he doesn’t give you one. “one second, sorry,” he apologizes to the customer. you stand up right again.

“tom wouldn’t do all this if he didn’t feel something,” harry nearly whispers while you get out your money. you read your total befofe he could tell you. you let your hand linger in his when you hand him the cash. “you’ll have more than one night of happiness. you deserve it.”

you’re starting to get a bit emotional, so you pull your hand back. you nod and manage a small smile. “thank you, harry. really.” “you’ll let me know how it goes?” he checks. “tomorrow, yeah. have a good shift.” you give him a finger wave and go off to get your coffee. he waves back.

━ ❆

tom gets a text from harry a few minutes after you leave.

y/n is really special. don’t be a div tonight.

he scoffs at his phone and shuts it off. your smile pops into his mind then. he only got to see it once, but he can’t seem to forget it.

harry is right. you are really special, and he better not mess this up.

━ ❆

you and tom decided on eight for your date. he’s meeting you outside your place because wherever you’re going is in walking distance. you bundle up accordingly in your fluffiest jacket and some earmuffs. you’ve never worn them before, but they’ll be your best friend tonight. they’re also cute. this is the time to be cute.

tom buzzes to let you know he’s there at eight sharp. his punctuality is kind of a surprise. you don’t know much about the real him, but this is rare from what you’ve gathered. you tell him you’re coming and hop out the door.

the thing alex said earlier does cross your mind, and she did leave you the apartment. never mind all of that. you try to think of anything but that before you get outside.

“hey,” tom greets as you walk down the stairs. he grins playfully at your attire. “you look cozy.” “you don’t.” he’s wearing a thin black jacket with a flannel underneath. it’s not ideal for the middle of winter in london. a smug smile pulls at your lips.

“you’re gonna walk in that?” you gesture to his outfit, moving so you’re next to him. he hums. “i’ll let you tease me for it the whole way there.” the two of you start walking side by side. it doesn’t take long for you to fall into step. “the whole way? how far is it?” you raise an eyebrow.

“twenty minutes maybe? it can’t be too bad. we have loads to talk about,” tom says rather suggestively. you look over and he’s smirking. there’s never a dull moment with this man. that’s actually just what you need right now. “true. you start,” you prompt him, your arm brushing against his. “tell me all about you.” he leans closer to you instinctively.

“well, i’m an actor. obviously,” tom shrugs like it’s no big deal, making you laugh quietly. he really likes your laugh. “besides that. like, what do you do when you’re not acting?” you ask, eyes fixed on him. he’s so pretty under the streetlights. all the time, really. “this is so boring, but i love golf. i’m rubbish, though,” he says the second part under his breath.

“and i thought you were good at everything,” you tease, tom faking a frown. “no, but seriously. it’s probably nice to do some regular stuff when you can.” he exhales in a way that seems reflective. “exactly, i like having some separation. what about you?” “what do i do when i’m not acting?” you ask sarcastically. “sure,” he plays along.

you think about it while you turn the corner. tom watches you intently, like you’re about to say something actually interesting. you’re not. “not much anymore.” he’s about to ask what you mean by anymore, but you keep going. “i took a gap year from uni, so i’ve been getting that sorted,” you continue, looking up at the dark sky. this isn’t your favorite discussion.

“makes sense. what are you studying?” also not your favorite discussion. “i’m undecided. i was thinking about psychology, but...” you search for something, anything you can to change the subject. the first thing you see is the first thing you mention. “your ears are bright red right now,” you giggle and point at one. tom presses his hands to them, feeling how cold they are.

“damn, you’re right,” he gives in to your conversation from earlier. without thinking about it, you pull your earmuffs off. you put them around his head instead. they’re pink with white snowflakes on them. tom looks cuter with them than you do, you think. “here. these should make them a normal color.”

“aw, but i don’t want you to be cold,” he protests and goes to take them off. you grab his hand before he can. “i’m not.” grinning, he properly takes your hand in his. your fingers lace together like you’ve held hands a million times. he lets them drop between you two and keeps leading the way to your mystery spot.

you swing your hands back and forth, smiling when you feel his grip tighten. tom pats one of the earmuffs. “i think we’ll both be warm once we get there.” “where exactly is ‘there’?” you laugh out. it was supposed to be a surprise, but you have to know. he points at something straight ahead. you’re still too far to see it.

“yeah, i can’t tell what that is,” you confirm. his reply is a satisfied hum. “good. let me keep you in suspense for at least five more minutes.” “you’re cheeky, aren’t you?” he chuckles and swings your hands again. “i’ve been told.”

you two finally end up at a hot chocolate stand. there are white lights strung in the trees surrounding it, music playing quietly into the night. the atmosphere welcomes and comforts you as soon as you get on line.

“i figured it would be nice to get one of these rather than making them for a change,” tom fills you in. he seems unsure of it now that you’re here, his voice lower than before. harry’s text is replaying in his head. he wants this to be good enough, more than good enough. should he have planned something more? his nerves die down when you squeeze his hand in yours.

this is the perfect low pressure date you’d hoped for. the focus is on each other and not some fancy meal. you were right about the movies not changing tom. “this place is really cute. i like it.” you move up on line together. “and my hot chocolates kind of suck, so yeah. it is.” “no, i bet they’re delicious,” he reassures you with one of his famous eye crinkling grins.

you chat more about your barista skills and all the kitchen disasters harry has had to save you from. the story of the time you made foam explode all over the countertops has him giggling. his laugh is contagious, so you end up joining in. your laughter eventually quiets because it’s your turn to order.

“hi, we’ll have two large hot chocolates?” tom orders for you two. you shoot him a curious look. “large? i’ll never finish.” the sizes here are huge, which is part of their gimmick. it’s also why tom found it interesting. the joke is that the stand itself is small, but they have gigantic drinks.

“leftovers, then.” he winks at you. you’re disappointed you have to let his hand go while he pays. the cashier says your drinks will be ready shortly. tom thanks him and turns back to you. “you probably got in so much trouble, huh?” he asks about your work horror story. you look him over for a few seconds.

you’re shocked how genuinely interested he is in everything you tell him. there are much cooler things he could be talking about, but he wants to hear from you. it makes you feel like there’s something between you two already. like, you’re old friends or soulmates or anything bigger than two strangers on a first date.

even though it’s still early to tell, you definitely have a connection of some kind.

“nope. i’m better at cleaning than i am at making cappuccinos,” you remark, the cashier coming back with two large hot chocolates. tom hands you yours first. he takes his after. “thank you so much,” he tells the man again. “have a nice night,” you add. the two of you take your drinks to a small table under a tree.

you sit across from each other, tom setting the earmuffs down. he pushes them back to you with a smile playing on his lips. “i like those better on you,” you murmur before taking a sip of hot chocolate. “pink’s my color,” he agrees and does the same. it’s so good that you decide to have some more, even though there’s steam coming from the lid.

“maybe i will finish all of this.” “i knew you’d like it.” tom laughs behind his cup. he got all worked up about it for nothing. you’re having one of your best nights in a while, which almost makes you not want to bring up the next topic. it’s sadly inevitable, so you might as well get it out of the way. christmas.

“so, do you have any plans for christmas?” you start, downing another sip. tom puts his drink down and leans back in the chair. “i’m staying over my mum and dad’s. we’ll have our traditional holland celebration.” he smiles to himself just thinking about it. you’re happy he has something to look forward to. you don’t.

“are you doing anything?” there’s the big question. people usually get awkward when you go into detail, which is exactly why you won’t. “actually, no.” his excitement changes to confusion. he furrows his eyebrows and sits up again. “you don’t celebrate?” “i do, just not anymore. not this year, at least.”

tom is extremely curious what this ‘anymore’ is about. it’s the second time you’ve mentioned it.

“i used to love it. my christmas spirit ran out, i guess,” you eleborate, eyes shifting down to the frozen grass. tom almost frowns. it’s not because he pities you. no one likes that. christmas is one of, if not, his favorite times of year. he just wishes the whole world could be happy this holiday season. the lovely girl sitting in front of him, especially.

there has to be something he can do.

“no, you can always get it back,” he says softly, searching for your eyes. “i’ll help you.” you look up at him again and blink back the tears you feel coming. tom must feel so lost right now. he wouldn’t be with context. you’re going to tell him what happened when you’re ready because you do want him to understand. trusting him feels like an instinct.

“how?” your voice comes out even quieter than his. you pick up your drink to distract yourself. “let’s see,” tom thinks aloud. he snaps when he gets an idea. “have you done any decorating?” “my roommate put up a tree. she never did the ornaments, though.” he gasps over dramatically, earning a laugh from you.

“you can’t leave a naked tree sitting around.” “i told her it looked stupid,” you sigh and sip your hot chocolate. tom holds out a hand for you. “we should go to the shops”

it would be easy to say no. it would be easy to go back home and hide under your covers and avoid the missed calls from your family. the catch is, easy isn’t progress. you can’t move past this unless you work to get it done.

you take tom’s hand and stand up from the table.

“we should also get a ride this time.”

[redsplash1]

Alright y’all, I was bored and wanted to ignore my hw, so I made a tier list on everyone’s lore and a quick writeup for each placement. Just an fyi this is my opinion and will most likely change as we get more story content, but right now this is where I stand (no arguing please, or at least nothing that’ll result in name calling and such)

But yeah this is something I’ll probably look back on and be like “hmm maybe I was too harsh with my rankings” but rn it’s like 2:30 in the morning so yeah

TW: mention of abuse in Octane’s section

All of it will be under the cut

S Tier

Bloodhound: Maybe I’m biased because I’m a BH main, but imo their lore is the most interesting and nuanced out of everyone’s. From their parents, to their uncle, to Boone, and now their planet, Bloodhound’s backstory, current lore, and character is fantastic and honestly peak writing from Respawn atm.

Wraith: I understand that not everyone loves the “I lost my memory and am now trying to find out who I am” trope, and maybe this is also biased because I’m a complete Wraith simp, but her lore to me is also very unique and well done. The entire Voidwalker cinematic alone is what’s basically putting her in S tier, but I also love how she is the prime definition of “Looks like they can kill you, but is actually a cinnamon roll” instead of your typical edgy girl that coldly pushes everyone away.

A Tier

Horizon: Interstellar but make it Scottish. She has really nice interactions with Mirage and Wattson, and there’s plenty of potential with where her character can go now that Ash is in the picture.

Gibraltar: While his lore isn’t as flashy like the ones in S tier, I still think it’s really good. For one, it’s consistent, and the stuff with Nik and Michael is very bittersweet. I really like how despite the tragedies in his life, like BH, that only made him more determined to do the right thing. 10/10 he’s got your back bruddahs

Mirage: Respawn’s poster boy, so it’s only natural that he gets a shitload of lore. Fortunately, it’s not shit and actually fleshes him out as a character greatly. I also really like the canon sibling relationship he has with Rampart. Now that his dad may or may not force himself into the picture soon, it’s gonna be more character development for Mirage either way.

Borderline

I’ll explain this tier real quick. Basically they’re between A and B; they have the potential to be great, but they’re being held back by a certain something.

--

Bangalore: Pathfinder’s Quest did a really good job fleshing her out, but the love triangle and inconsistent behavior towards Wraith isn’t doing her any favors. It’s a shame, because characters like Anita are really unique and not seen often. I can only hope Respawn realizes that no, love triangles are not the peak writing they think it is.

Loba: Same deal here, that love triangle and her rebounding off Valk is really not doing anything good towards her character. They’re adults, are they not capable of communicating? Like Bangalore, she’s also really unique in the sense that she’s a bisexual woman of color in a video game who is a complete girlboss and inspiration. Respawn stop fucking up your characters please!

B Tier

Revenant: He’s really badass, and his lore is fun, it’s just that the writing is making him look like a complete joke. He gets clowned on every time he’s about to do something cool and it’s honestly kinda sad. If the writing could give him a few kills to his name to actually establish that he’s a threat, I’ll put him up higher.

Octane: If this was fanon Octane, he’d be an automatic S tier. Respawn needs to flesh out his backstory some more, like most of the fanfics do. That one comic where he confronts his dad was 10/10, we just need more of that and actually tackling the effects his father’s abuse had on him. Also the potential history he has with Seer is a good opportunity to explore more of his character, so that’s a good start.

Rampart: Just recently she’s getting lore, and all of it is very good so far. The relationships she has with a lot of the legends are very strong, and the foreshadowing towards Big Sister returning is also a huge plus.

Fuse: The Maggie stuff was honestly really fucking lame (I blame the ingame comics for this), for me what’s really carrying his character rn are the Fusehound interactions. Idrc if it ends up platonic or romantic, all Ik is that there is a lot of potential in fleshing out Fuse as a character either way.

C Tier

Pathfinder: Okay I’m not gonna lie, I have conflicted feelings on Path. He got an entire book to himself dedicated to his own lore, along with a cinematic that gave a visual on what actually happened to his creators, and yet I don’t care for his lore??? Thinking about it, it’s probably because he didn’t really get any character development, he ultimately stayed the same (except that one moment where Revenant screwed with him, but he bounced back literally one chapter later). Also, it honestly looks like his story is over anyway, he just has to find his kid. At least his personality is 10/10 though

Lifeline: Y’all are probably thinking, why is Lifeline here and not Octane + vice versa, isn’t their lore basically the same? It’s because imo Octane has more potential character development atm, and Lifeline doesn’t really have any character interactions that don’t have to do with her childhood friend, so that to me is what’s separating her from Octane. Lol again if this were fanon Lifeline she’d probably be in A tier, borderline S tier.

D Tier

Valkyrie: Literally the first thing that happens to her in the lore is that she gets thrown into a love triangle. I understand that it’s in her character to be flirty and stuff, but a love triangle? Really? Ms. Kairi Imahara deserves sm better than that. Honestly the only reason she’s not in F tier is because I like her personality, along with the Northstar cinematic.

Seer: Tbh, there isn’t a lot we know about Seer. However, what we know about him so far isn’t detrimental and for me the reason he isn’t in F tier. The interactions he has so far have the potential to be explored.

E Tier

Wattson: Man. I wish she wasn’t here, but the fact that almost all her lore involves babysitting two grown men really killed her character for me. Fanon Wattson is a million times more enjoyable to me, Respawn needs to seriously consider giving her independent lore and/or branch out to other characters that aren’t Crypto and Caustic.

Crypto: Same thing, the fact that he’s strictly tied to Wattson and Caustic rn is annoying and stupid. It also doesn’t help that literally nothing about his personal lore has been addressed recently (Mila, clearing his name).

F Tier

Caustic: If he were actually established as a proper villain, he’d be way higher. But no, Respawn wants to play rock paper scissors with this guy; one second he literally wants to gas a city, the next he’s playing nice because “Wattson blackmailed him?” Lol I don’t fucking think so. I’m not saying a redemption arc for Caustic is impossible, it’s just that Respawn did a really shitty job in actually convincing people that he deserves it. And yes, even the whole deal with his mom isn’t doing it for me. Nah fuck this guy sorry y’all, he’d be way better as a villain imo

TLDR: Fanon does it better

[yuzukult]

HAPPY 2K BENCH !! you deserve the whole world yk :( you deserve every single one of those followers + a million more !!!

i got a few questions for you :D it's a lot but <33 <3 <3 they're fun questions i swear </3 i even put a little husna flare to em if you couldn't tell KWHKAJSD

1. if you could live in a fictional world, which one would you live in?

2. it's the zombie apocalypse !! (of course there's gonna be a zombie apocalypse question, thisis me we're asking) which one of my tumblr moots would you want to help you survive? other than me, of course, that'd be cheating.

3. what was your favorite childhood snack?

4. which marvel character is your favorite? talk to me about your fav marvel movie, your least fav marvel movie / show, and what you think about marvel's time traveling concept.

5. what are some of the worst movies you've watched?

6. what do you think is the best thing you've ever written? ik it's hard to choose, all your writing's amazing.

7. what kind of superpower would you want? do you think you'd make a good superhero?

8. what are some deal-breakers for you when it comes to relationships, whether it be romantic or platonic?

9. rant to me about a show you're watching <3

10. any advice for the kids who are pursuing the stem branch? aka me #lolzies

im gonna stop at 10 qs but !!! happy 2k to user @/gyukult aha :fboi:

:( you’re too nice husna even though i hate you and bash on you everyday 

f-fun? i hope so.... or else i’m going into this and crying because your questions stress me out. just kidding or whatever is that how people tell jokes 

i answered them below the read more bc it got long LOL

ask me questions for my 2k q&a!!

1. hm. like based off a movie or whatever? i wanna live in the marvel cinematic universe. do you think bucky or steve will notice me? also, wouldn’t it be so interesting to live in a world where there’s these people that call themselves ‘the Avengers’ and dress in colorful spandex or weird robotic armor? (i hope i answered this right.)

2. hm. can i be honest? the rest of gta are a bunch of weaklings and i don’t think any of them could help me survive. they might kill me first actually and it be by accident. if i had to give an answer, jae.

3. i used to live in an area where there were corner stores, and back in the day, snacks were like 25cents a pop but that’s another story for another time. i used to eat a lot of Little Debbies snacks so I would eat like those oatmeal creme pies, the cosmo brownies and the zebra cakes !!!

4. steve rogers but,, you knew that. class A hottie amirite i honestly feel like i’d have to go back and rewatch all those movies a second time (the last time i did that was before infinity war) but i honestly did really like infinity war & end game? i think watching all those movies throughout all those years and then seeing those two movies it just .... hit different. like i think if you didn’t watch any marvel movies and just watched those two, it wouldn’t feel the same way it hit us??? (remember, peter,,, with,,,, tony....) UGH I HATED CAPTAIN MARVEL !!! DID THEY ONLY MAKE THAT MOVIE JUST TO FULFILL THE “FEMALE EMPOWERMENT” AGENDA AND THEN DIDN’T THINK OF HTE PLOT!?!?!?!??!?! I’ M SO MA D?!!?!/ honestly. i’m not sure. i think i’m not the type to pick out a lot of stuff in films but at the same time...... i notice..... a lot of gaps in between things yet at the same time i never care enough to speak up about it? but maybe i can pick your brain on it another day. :D

5. sierra burgess is a loser. to all the boys i’ve loved 3. f9. wonder woman 1984. captain marvel. the new adaption for mulan. tall girl. i probably had way more honestly because you know how i love watching bad movies to give them the benefit of the doubt then being disappointed.

6. this is hard !! but i’m torn between after midnight and hello. i say after midnight because it’s out of my comfort zone to write anything fwd (it’s honestly kind of hard) but i managed to push through that and made it work! and i say hello because it’s one of my first long length fics and it just. i love the meaning behind it and it always has a place in my heart. :(

7. i think i wouldn’t make a good superhero tbh LOL i’m like an anti-hero or something LMFAO but if i were to have a superpower, probably super strength. no reason. just wanna throw stuff around.

8. i’m really big on honesty and respect. if my feet stinks, please tell me. but also there’s just something about respect from both friends and a significant other that i prioritize!! some things about a person’s personality can’t be forced to change, and that’s fine, but if they can’t be at least honest or respectful towards me, which btw is the bare minimum, consider yourself cut off.

9. !!! i’m only watching kitchen nightmares rn !! LMFAO but honestly i get so mad when people waste gordon’s time or act like he’s here for himself when they’re the ones who asked to be on the show??/ like hello did you forget you wrote into the show so you could be helped??? hello???? also i can’t help but wonder like how much time did he spend away from family bc of shows like these only to have ungrateful bitches out here smfh

10. LOL STEM !! i love stem even though i hate it. i think something to keep in mind is that there’s an end goal to this. throughout the ride, you’re gonna feel discouraged and feel like this isn’t for anything. but remember why you did it in the first place. and is it worth it? because that’s how i felt often but i remember taking those trips to job-site tours to see construction in progress, and i’m like yeah. this is why. i like this. i wanna work in this in the future. and i think it’s easy to forget what you’re working for during the obstacles because your head is only wrapped around that and whatever is in the moment, but just remember to step back, breathe and try to remember what you’re in this for !! 

and even if you’re not 100% solid in what you like, don’t forget to try out different things even if they’re not pertaining to your major. you’re young, you have time to figure things out, and when you discover you don’t like something, great! that scratches off one thing on your list. now you’re one step closer to finding something you like.

[selinakidreams]

year six at hogsmeade

ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! This fic is for the @haikyuucreationsadm​ secret santa event! dedicated to @ichorizaki ! sol, I hope this gives you the warm fuzzies! 

genre: fluff

warnings: none!

tags: harry potter au!, gn! reader, friends to lovers, yams is a lil over protective, fake dating (if you squint really really hard), yamaguchi’s pov !

a/n: no i do not hate the character i put as the slytherin (i’m not gonna spoil anything <3 teehee) i did it almost as an easter egg ...? like if you remember how yams reacted when he heard a certian thing come from his mouth,,,,,,, you’ll understand why- the clip was playing in my head on repeat while writing it lmao (super vauge ik but ah ha haa)

Both of your school capes sashae across the cold stoned floor as you two head to the one class you had together. The air was nippy; delicate flakes of snow danced around the sky until they landed on the ground.  Yamaguchi hugged his books closer to his chest in hopes to ease the lack of warmth. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw you nuzzle into your silver and green scarf that was already bundled up to your nose. 

‘Cute,’ he thought to himself- and when it comes to you, that word comes up in his head quite a lot.

 Far from being his favorite class, Yamaguchi Tadashi had to get used to the defense against the dark arts course. It was very… out there for him in the beginning. By pushing his limits, it created a wave of self-consciousness that would wash over him, resulting in the feeling of incompetence. Thankfully you were there to encourage and support him, just as you had been since the day you guys met. It was something about your strength and determination- he learned that through the years when you had an idea, a goal, or a project in mind, you would see it through. It was so inspiring to young Yamaguchi, the little boy constantly cowering away from anything that seemed too much. He would constantly be picked on and could never speak the words that clogged his throat but then you came along with a single snarky remark to end all of theirs. There was no time between the moment he words left your lips and when your hand slipped into his- pulling him away from any sense of loneliness he would ever feel again. You were there for all the big moments, from when he first got his letter to him getting sorted into Gryffindor to him trying out for their quidditch team. You two had been absolutely inseparable and neither of you would change a thing.

Yamaguchi cherished walking to class with you- the way you fit so well in the environment… he just couldn't take his eyes off of you. His favorite version of you was in the winter because you just looked so much cozier. The dark colors of your house heavily contrasted against the bright sparkling snow that reflected natural light into the corridor. The pink that tinted the tips of your ears made his heart skip a beat. If it hadn't been for you stopping by the opened door way, he would have completely missed the entrance to the classroom because of his… observations. He motioned you go in first, your eyes crinkled in thanks as you stepped inside and he swears that you caused a heart palpitation. 

It was your guy’s sixth year at Hogwarts and by far Tadashi's favorite Defense Against the Dark Arts course yet. The teacher, Remus Lupin, had such a way of teaching that it was not only fun and interactive, but also incredibly informative- the prime way for him to learn. He was so happy that Lupin’s tactics were sticking, this meant he didn't have to cling to you for help as he had previously; He was able to show you that he was capable of being strong on his own. Whenever you showed your delight at Tadashi’s progress, he only wanted to work harder.

“Hey so… after class, did you want to go to Hogsmeade and get something to drink from Honeyduke’s? It’s all snowy out and it’s the perfect weather for something warm and comforting.” You grinned as the both of you took your seats, conveniently across from each other, the only thing that separated you two was a slim isle way. Yamaguchi turned to you with a small smile curving his lips, “Yea, sounds good but just remember I have practice later so I can't be out too la-“ his last word was cut off by an obnoxious scoff from the keeper from the Slytherin quidditch team. 

“That was supposed to be our practice, you know. Daichi snatched up our usual practice time.” Koganegawa Kanji said snottily, judgmentally eyeing Tadashi up and down before turning his gaze to you. Suddenly there was a different type of look in his eyes, a bright one that showed that he believed he could secure all sorts of things… including you. “Those Gryffindors think they can take whatever they want, but I know what we're going to be taking. The win at our next game… which just so happens to be against Gryffindor. You’re going to be there, right y/n?” He practically beamed to you as he kept side-eyeing Yamaguchi. 

Before you could even answer- before he could even realize what was coming out of his mouth- your shy, kind hearted, wouldn’t-hurt-a-fly Tadashi rolled his eyes and said, “Yea they’re going, they’re going to be screaming out my name when I catch that snitch.” 

Your eyes widened as you turned to him with your jaw slack, the sexual innuendo in the forefront of your mind but when facing your freckled best friend, it looked like he couldn't believe he was able to even speak up. Yamaguchi is not one for confrontation or someone who initiates fights… but when things come down to you, he acts in ways he doesn’t recognize- for painfully obvious reasons.

“You better watch that mouth of yours, Yamaguchi, or else i might just have to zip it up.” The Slytherin hissed, getting ready to reach for his want but stopped in his tracks when his gaze caught sight of a scruffy man in his mid 30’s standing behind the frozen Gryffindor, hands in his pockets and a brow raised. 

“Now… I know you were not about to hex mister Yamaguchi inside of my class, right Mister Koganegawa?” Professor Lupin tempted, a small smirk danced on his lips with the unmissable glint of entertainment that twinkled in his warm eyes. 

The professor didn’t give the boy a chance to answer, instead turned around and headed to the front of the classroom while saying, “Return to your seat Koganegawa, I expect whatever hex you were going to cast was going to be a naughty one. Well ironically, today’s lesson is focused on learning to reflect those nasty curses…” The whole class settled in for the lecture as Tadashi sneaked a peak at the reaction that had been plastered on your face- boy, was it a cute one. Both of your lips curled in with saucer eyes, cheeks tinted a faint red, as if you were holding back a laugh that was forcing its way out. 

<♥︎>

After Lupin bid the class adue for the day, everyone went their separate ways; Tadashi held you close as you both headed to Hogsmeade, his arm draped over your shoulder as you leaned into him for warmth. The walk had been a comfortable silence until you spoke out your curiosity to break the ice, hitting him with the million dollar question.

“Hey, what happened back in Lupin’s class? That was.. odd.. of you to say.” You inquired. Normally when you catch Tadashi off guard or in a vulnerable state, a cute blush dusts along the apple of his cheeks and the tips of his ears. You knew you were robbed of the sight, the cold had beat you to it, a violent scarlet already bared his skin. 

He let out a sigh, the breath showing itself in the cold, before he muttered, “I’m just tired of him openly ogling at you like you’re some toy. It’s not cool.” 

You responded with a slight hum, the real reply bouncing off the walls of your brain: I can't believe we’re not together by now.

“Oh yams,” you chuckle as you huddle closer into his side.

<♥︎>

Passing under the grand Hogsmeade archway, he was grateful that there were barely any students about- this meant you guys could get your drinks faster and walk around the shops easier. With the antique green and pink building in sight, the beeline to the shop’s entrance was determined.

“Okay okay, let me guess…” you started as Yamaguchi held open the door for you to walk in, already eyeing the colorful treats that decorated the room, “you want a hot chocolate.” 

“And you want a hot strawberry tea.” Tadashi retorted with a smile.

“It’s almost like… we’ve known each other for years.” You say, your tone dripping in sarcasm as he watches your finger trace over the newest candy they sold. 

Sol, a sweet that’ll brighten your day! The container said, with a picture of what looked to be an edible ball of light. Supposedly, once it hits your tongue, it melts into the flavor you're craving most.

After inspecting the shelves around the store for any new and exciting treats, you both headed to the register where Tadashi placed the drinks order and fished out two golden galeons and five silver sickles. He snuck a glance at you admiring the brightly colored walls to make sure you weren't looking as he slipped the cashier the two packets of sol he stealthily grabbed and handed them three extra sickles. A sweet surprise for later.

Leaving the store, Yamaguchi watched the way your hands slipped around the warm cup, the tips of your fingers slightly intertwined. He wanted nothing more than to take your cup out of your hands and intermingle his fingers with yours…but he couldn’t, it would be crossing a line, wouldn’t it? Nevertheless, the image of holding your- probably- freezing hand was on his mind the whole time you two were walking around the village you knew all too well.

Deciding that it was pretty late you guys began to head back to the castle. The snow crunched underneath your boots with almost empty cups in your hands, you knew it wasn't going to take long before you’d be greeted by the back entrance of the castle. “‘Dashi… do you have to go to practice? I… i need help with Lupin’s coursework.” you stutter out, causing Yamaguchi to pause and turn toward you.

This took him by surprise, normally you were really good with your coursework, so for the roles to switch… something had to be off.  

“ y/n... You know I can't. The team said they really need me there.  Daichi would have my head if I missed practice. The game against Slytherin is so close and I really need to-” he cut himself off before he could reveal too much or get too annoyed, the flash of Koganegawa smirking flashed in the back of his mind. 

“you need to… what? I saw your last game and the way you soared through the air was incredible, it didn't seem like you needed to work on anything!” you pouted with damn wide eyes.

Tadashi tried to ignore the slight increase in his heart's beating pace, “aha well..” he said as he lifted his arm to scratch the back of his head, “we’re a team and they need me as much as i need them!” you stopped walking so he turned to face you.

He watched the small sad smile creep onto your face before hearing you mutter, “Jeez, when did my Tadashi become so popular?”

For Yamaguchi to not lean in and plant a kiss on your lips, something had to be holding him back... but there was nothing- if anything, you seemed to slightly lean in. 

He figured that you'd assume that the first move was going to be on your part, as it normally was when something serious would happen between the two of you but he wanted to prove to you that he's changed. He's not scared anymore. He has no reason to be. He’s learned so much about himself  throughout the years because of you. You're the reason he was the social person he was today. And he was the one that finally connects your lips with his. 

Due to the cold and dry winter, both lips are not as smooth as wanted but it doesn't stop him from deepening the long awaited kiss. He placed his open palms on your waist and his fingers gave you a small squeeze when he heard you sigh into the kiss.

When Yamaguchi felt your arms around his neck, he swore the world stopped turning for a second. The warmth that he was feeling was unmatched- this was warmer than any other winter coat had made him. 

When he pulled away, your arms stayed around his neck and he refused to let his hands leave your waist. 

“I uh-“ at this point Yamaguchi’s face was bright pink, yours being no different, “um I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” You said, cutting him off. 

Tadashi had to blink a few times, as if he was clearing his vision because what he just heard wasn’t possible. 

“N-no way…” he mumbled, looking at the ground next to you. Tadashi almost felt overwhelmed but one thing's for certain, the weight of needing to properly confess was only getting heavier so he gulped down his anxiety- as you had taught him so many times before- and brought his eyes to meet yours. 

“Y/n… I’m so in love with you. I have been for so long-”

Something red wizzed before your guys’ eyes, cutting off his huge confession. His eyes became wide at the hovering letter facing him. 

A howler. 

Before you could even raise an eyebrow, the letter opened itself in the shape of an origami mouth. 

“Yamaguchi, YOU ARE LATE FOR PRACTICE! WHY? WHAT COULD BE SO IMPORTANT THAT IT’S CAUSING YOU TO MISS PRACTICE?” the letter with daichi’s deep voice boomed around the empty of the woods. It began to look around, as if it could see the surrounding area- which was weird because typically howlers were only used to relay a (very loud and disappointed) message. When the envelope eventually faced you, the bottom of the mouth dropped and seemed to gulp.

“Ah.. i see.. Hi y/n… um,” the letter turned to face Yamaguchi before reminding him to go to practice and ripping itself apart. 

It was silent for a second, neither of you knew what to say. 

“I dunno but it almost sounded like Daichi wanted me to go to practice.” was the first thing he said. He watched your face contort from a small smile to a full out grin joined with a hearty laugh. 

“Let's get you to class ‘Dashi.” you said as you wound down from your laughing fit. Holding out your hand, the expression you gave him was one that he never saw from you before. The corner of his eyes crinkled with how genuine he was smiling as he took your hand, finally getting to entwine your fingers together as you guys headed to the quidditch field.

Ps. yes you did scream out his name when he caught the snitch- it didn't go unnoticed...

[phoebehalliwell]

Asking the important question about Bianca x Chris In the change!future : who fall in love first ? And who say i love you first ?

Because we got Chris, who believe in soulmates and destiny but also who probably think no one will love him like that because, insecurity. And Bianca, who simple does not believe in love. A great match, full angst / unrequited love potentiel

i’m gonna like. link my entire chris/bianca anthology just because i love talking about them

chris + love a, b, & c

bianca + general phoenix lore a, b, c, & d

chris & bianca: a, b, & c

it’s under a cut 🥰💞💕

i mean like short answer is i think they both say i love you about a million different times a million different ways before either of them kinda drops those words like. like i think for chris i love you is a really common phrase for him like growing up it's just like all around his household he has about constant exposure to three health marriages everyone in his family like they all like each other for the most part. well like um. they all love each other, that's guaranteed. the like can sometimes fluctuate. so it’s not like he’s uncomfortable with the phrase it’s just like. it’s big. real big. and you know i don’t know but you grow up around wyatt and you grow up around cupids and all these really grandiose ideas of love and love is all around us it’s the air we breathe it’s the crucial tether of human existence love is epic love is iconic love can stop the rotation of the earth like that shit. like i mean he looks at his parents (and at the versions of paige/henry and phoebe/coop that live in my head) and like. love was a fight. it was this epic pull that caused them to go to the ends of the earth for each other you know hell they were ready to risk death to get married you know that must be like this epic heartstring tugging feeling in your just red string of fate yanked so hard it almost hurts and like. that’s just not what chris has. it doesn’t feel at all like that. it’s just comfort. nothing more, nothing less, really. he just feels 100% wholly comfortable and safe around bianca it’s not like. it’s like he thinks in order to be In Love in love it has to hurt a bit you know nothing comes for free and being with bianca just isn’t. it doesn’t hurt. just spending lazy slow time with her it doesn’t feel much like anything it’s just nice. it doesn’t like. move stars rip a hole in the earths crust. he doesn’t feel this burning ache. it’s just. being with her. it feels safe it feels normal it’s just like it’s normal!! this is what normal feels like not the constant nagging voices in his head own insecurities playing on a loop not you know the constant ever-present knowledge of the next demon battle there’s always gonna be another one not who is he as the son of a charmed one what will he do what will he be. like none of that’s there with bianca. it’s just normal.

and of course all the cousins draw straws on who gets the honor of whacking chris on the head with a hollow tube saying that is love dingus because like. again he’s probably aired out his thoughts to like wyatt or somebody maybe melinda if she pried maybe henry if he pried where like. because obviously they’d be interrogating on hey what the fuck’s going on over there because like. soulmatism all that everyone’s watching like you get it right you’re in love and chris gives his whole stance on like blah blah blah it’s gotta hurt i don’t feel that i just like bianca. and whoever they’re talking to. maybe kat? if just thinking about all chris and bianca have been through together all the times they like nearly died in each other’s arms like are we not counting that?? is that not enough for epic love right there? this is a really long yarn to basically say i think chris would be in love with bianca for a really long time and just genuinely never have the word for it you know just like stupid but are we not all fools in love?

i think bianca would say it first because she definitely picks apart their relationship in her head a lot more that him because like that’s just the person she is because like phoenix are not supposed to fall in love. you’re loyal to your family. you respect your family. and by extension, they are who you love. because you have no one else to love. no one else knows the true you, and no one else would be capable of knowing and loving the true you like your family. everyone else would rather see you dead. so i think she picks apart the concept of love and what it means to her a hell of a lot more than chris ever does. because i think from the start. you know it’s kind of an enemies to lovers situation.

okay so here’s my current sketch of what i’m doing with them in the light timeline because like. let’s face it. killing a charmed one is impractical. it’s an immense risk, one i think the phoenix would never take. also like. if bianca was sent to kill chris i really think she could do it respectfully chris is powerful he’s talented he’s smart i still think bianca could kill him. and then, of course, if you kill a charmed one, then you have the rest of the family after you and at this point it’s a really big family. and yes you could plant evidence throw them off the scent but again you’re dealing with like. 10 whole ass experienced trained powerful witches? how long does that last? and for what. what price could that ever possibly be worth? i get wanting to kill a halliwell on your own your own personal business risk v reward, but the phoenix are a neutral power they do not care. the only skin they have in the game would be the price on chris’s head an i literally can not think of a single thing that would be worth the wrath of the warren line, a family that presently does not give a shit about you, you know?

okay i’ve aired out that opinion. so that being said. what do? so you remember the evil cult from prince charmed and they thought wyatt was their leader and they wanna flip his morality but they failed? yeah and they didn’t all die right. like some of them escaped. the Point is: concept is they’re going for round two, but they don’t wanna make it obvious because if they flip the morality then everyone kinda knows who did it and how because it’s happened before. so hear me out they are casting or they are contracting the phoenix to cast that basically wipes any memory of them ever existing off the face of the earth. phoenix, of course, will be immune, as will their library collection on them because fuck you that’s why and then the members of the cult will be immune tho gotta say. would be hilarious if they forgot that part and then everyone just went home in their funny lil robes like huh wonder where that came from. the issue is chris. cuz he was there. but he’s not him. you know? i don’t think the cult fully knows what’s going on right but like. that’s definitely chris who definitely like single-handedly thwarted their plans. except he wasn’t even alive yet. so they need chris’s memories resurfaced so they can wipe them, otherwise they run the risk of the memories resurfacing at a Very inconvenient time. so that’s bianca’s job. the how they do not know or care about they just need him to have memories of season 6 so the can promptly wipe them. no murder necessary.

but still has weird shit magical invasion of privacy happening and probably a witch fight. blah blah blah i have ideas that i shan’t expand on right now bianca doesn’t lose but chris doesn’t win. no i will expand on actually. i think lynn bianca’s mother knows kinda what’s going on here with the cult’s scheme to create evil!wyatt and the phoenix have done their research and then know that they can survive perfectly fine in a evil wyatt regime and the cult has promised them immunity + powers in their new world order or whatever. so on paper, fine. but lynn’s way overprotective overbearing mother knows best types you know like she will do about anything for her daughter so when future bianca came she definitely used a scrying bowl kinda like what we see the stillman sisters use filled with kid bianca’s blood because that’s really the only way she has to see where bianca’s going what she’s doing and she gets to see evil wyatt kill bianca. so lynn’s actually very much not game for this actually. and i think she if not explicitly tells bianca what’s up at the very least plants seeds implying that she should not go through with this plan.

so when chris proposes instead her teaming up with him to take down the cult, in exchange offering the protection of the charmed ones (which is really the best thing he’s got to offer besides like. a punch card for a free sandwich at ike’s that only needs two more punches.) and bianca takes the bet. and they already have one fist fight under their belt between the two of them that ended in a terse treaty and not they gotta go complete a mission together. and i think that’s kind of like the jumping off point for their relationship is assorted missions together but before things can get Too Chummy chris has an innocent or something to protect and who is trying to kill them well um bianca. zoinks.

basically i think every time bianca aligns herself with chris, in doing so, she aligns herself against the orders of the phoenix. and every time she has to ask herself: is it worth it? and usually like in the case of Murder, the answer is yes. honestly, she’d rather not take an innocent’s life for some rich asshole. but in the case of the initial cult, that was a selfish move. she doesn’t want to die. is that so wrong? and there’s kind of this repeated team chris or team phoenix motif going on where the actual answer does not lie with either of them again the phoenix are on contract that’s not their motive you know they don’t personally care about what happens and then. she’s never picking chris per se it’s not like she’s choosing him she’s choosing and innocent or she’s choosing herself but that just always happens to be the side where chris is.

and also like. they work well together. they just do. so once bianca kinda like. needs to do something dangerous and her first thought is call chris then she kinda has to take a step back and go hmmm. because chris knows who she is right he knows she’s a murder cold blooded killer phoenix (chris, actually, has not seen her murder any innocents in cold blood in fact he has only seen her opt Not to do that but like. bianca has her own vision of herself) and she’s just not. friends with anyone who knows. again not that she would consider her n chris friends but he is like literally the only one who Knows her outside of the phoenix. and that’s weird. Even Further Step Back when she has to do something dangerous and at this point that’s all she does with chris but she Doesn’t want to call him because hey that’s dangerous and i don’t want him to die. which she justifies under the same Death of a Halliwell rule in that the charmed ones might go after her but even she kinda knows that’s bullshit but like. does she really wanna face the music on this one?

so basically while chris’s relationship is very in the moment he’s goin with the flow here he doesn’t know what’s going on where this is going he only has what he feels Right Now. bianca on the other hand is like how does this tie into the past what does this spell out for the future and it keeps circling back to the question is he worth it and bianca kinda hates but the answer every time is yes. she would rather spend time with him be with him fight alongside him than any other option. but to her, that’s still a long way out from love because like. it’s alliance it’s strategic they work well together they care for each other which is more than she can say about like most other people she’d bring to a fight and at a certain point yeah they hang out because they enjoy each other’s company but like. they like spending time together. is that a crime? you can enjoy spending time with a person. but then it’s like more n more time and now yeah look at it you’re in a relationship this is a relationship but like. love?? idk. i mean it’s not like...... you know like in... hmm.... so like... okay so if i Were in love....... okay. okay hm. okay. alright. okay might actually be in love.

i also think bianca would be the one to have the notion of like the finite resource of “i love yous” and even after she’s accepted that okay she can say that she doesn’t wanna waste it she does want to save it for a moment when it means something a dramatic reveal i mean they are in a lot of life or death situations surely she can just like. drop it then. but then like idk she accidently just ends up saying it at like the grocery store. chris on the other hand says i love you all the time like once the floodgates open They Are Open and it’s like. you leave the house okay bye i love you i’m going to bed goodnight i love you i made you dinner i love you like. constant.

[potatosoldier]

Are you still there?

/ Part 4 /

If I ever felt like my feet were going to fall off, it was today. I has just successfully passed my physical fitness test. I was feeling great, but I honestly couldn’t feel my legs. The whole night before I had been practicing to get over those walls over at the training obstacle. Which meant that that none of us in our barrack got that much sleep last night, with Lewis and Richard having been at the map exercise at dusk. 

But here I was once again, at night wondering around to find Skip. I wasn’t completely sure which barrack he was in, but I was determined to check up on his ankle, which had once again been bothering him today. I knew this was inappropriate, but I wasn’t going to drop this. He needed it supported for tomorrow for him to keep it from overexerting. 

“Nurse!”, came a call from behind me. The voice was so sharp it made me jump. When I turned around I was met with a piercing hazel gaze. It was the Dog company lieutenant, Ronald Speirs. 

“Forgive me sir, I’m looking for E-company, Second Platoon. A private needs first aid”, I quickly explain. He just looks at me with even more determination. He then offers me his hand, which I shake firmly. “Ronald Speirs”

I smile at little: “Sonja Winters”. At that the corner of his mouth turns up and he smirks. “I think everyone in this regimen knows who you are, Nurse Winters.” Then he once again turns serious. “You do realize that this could get you into some trouble. With the higher ups and with the men”, he scolds. It’s clear to see the irritation in his eyes. 

“As I said sir, I just need to check up on a comrade”, I reason. I knew he was correct, but I still wanted to make sure Skip was fully alright.

“Well then, Follow me”, he says and turns around. And we walk very very quietly. 

--------------

Once we are in front of the barrack, I thank him. But before I can even fully get my thanks out, he walks away. What an odd man. 

I knock on the barrack door timidly. When the door opens I am greeted by Bill. “The hell are you doing here, come in you mick”, he says and quickly pulls me inside. “You outta your mind Bambi, there are slimy men all over the place”, he then scolds. 

I look around the room and see most of the men in looking at me. I turn to Guarnere to ease my nerves. “I just came to see Skip, Bill. No one except Lt.Speirs saw me”, I softly try to calm him. 

His eyes almost bulge out of his head. “Okay let’s talk about crazy maggots then and not slimy men”, he grunts. Skip luckily comes to my rescue and bows with his hand out “Milady, how can I be of service?”

I grin and take a cotton bandage from my pocket. “Not this again, I don’t need any bandages”, he groans. I push his shoulders and sit him down on a bed. “Private Muck, your ankle is acting up again, it needs to be supported so the twinge doesn’t come back and have worse causes! Do you want Sobel to have you out of training?”, I ask with my hands on my hips.

“Listen to Bambi, Skip. Better have it wrapped up now, than in a cast tomorrow”, Joe comments from his bed. I smile and nod at him. Sweet Joe Toye always having my back. 

Everyone goes back to their own things as I lower myself to bandage Warren’s ankle tightly. Once I’m done I give him a bandage roll. “Have this near, because with all the sweating we do, this probably will be ruined soon. Once you don’t feel hesitation to step on the ankle, take it off and save it for later. I know you don’t want to take a day off, but please be merciful with these skinny things”, I gently guide him. 

He just pats my head and smirks. “Okay Bambi, wouldn’t want to disappoint you.” I shake my head at his antics. “Think of Faye when you take care of yourself, God knows she wouldn’t want her sweetheart hurt”, I reason with a gentle grin. The way Skip talked about his sweet Faye Tanner was adorable. I actually gave him a couple romantic poems from my books so he could use them in his letters. It was a little secret of ours, the guys would ruin the sweetness of the gesture. 

I stay at the barrack for a little while. Chatting with Muck, Don and Penk. I mostly just sat and listened...and giggled. These boys lightened my heart with their jokes. 

“Let’s get you back before someone comes looking”, Joe says jumping up. I shake my head “I can find my way out”, I say and go to the door. Until Bill stoops in front of me. “You ain’t going outta this door without an escort”, he says tapping my nose. 

I roll my eyes smiling and wait for Joe to come. I gently wave at everyone and let Joe lead me out. Once we are out we start softly talking. With Joe it was easy, he was comfortable with silence, and he never saw the need to judge or lie. 

“You miss home yet?”, he asks while lighting a cigarette. I start thinking. Do I miss home? What is home? Me and Richard lived in a barn house in Lancaster. Desperately trying to gather money for our own lot. Do I miss it? Yes I do. In the end there was nothing better than sinking next to Richard after a long day, cuddling up to him in the chilly bedroom. It was not a fancy dream, but it was the nest me and Richard have started with, and that was enough. 

“I do, sometimes it’s just better to not think of it”, I answer. He nods in agreement. “You miss your husband? You seem so invested in Faye and Skip, it’s odd that you never talk about your own sweetheart”, he says blowing out the smoke. 

I gulp and wring my hands together. He seems to notice my nervous reaction and furrows his brows. “You ain’t gotta talk about it if you don’t want to”, he then adds. “But if he hurt you, he’s never walking again”

My cheeks hurt as I smile at him. After the Sobel incident weeks ago, he really had become a dear friend to me. He just needed to see that I was worth the effort. And I sure am happy that I was to him. 

“It’s not like that Joe, it really isn’t. He just..he is in the army too”, I tell him soothingly. His brows lift and he nods. Then he says something that makes me freeze:

“Yeah the LT seems like a proper fella”

My eyes bulge out of my head as I halt my step. “What?!”, I ask sharply. He just shakes his head and smirks. “You look at Winters like a lost puppy and he looks at you like a protective bear with it’s cubs. At first I thought it was nothing, but then I saw him help you with your gear and those looks ain’t just your regular ‘well thank you sir’”

I shake my head and my hands tremble. “Joe you can’t tell anyone, does anyone else know? Oh no they are going to see me as a hussy”, I almost start pulling my hair. It feels like a carpet has been just pulled from under my feet. All my achievements would mean nothing to the men from now on. 

“Hey, hey, Sonja! SONJA!”, Joe raises his voice making me halt. “No one has said a word about you two. I just happened to notice. What you told me made me guess. You two are so professional it’s hard to even tell if he likes you or not”, he soothes rubbing my upper arms. I bite my lip and look at the ground. 

“You are such a proper girl, not one of us would call you a hussy. You ain’t like that, Winters isn’t like that”, he continues. I look at him in the eye and only see kindness. Kindness and honesty in those button eyes. I nod and take one hand that’s on my shoulder. “thank you”, I whisper. 

For the rest of the walk we just walk while he sings softly. Once we come to my barrack he takes my hand again. “You can trust me Sonja, Joe’s cotcha”, he smiles and then takes off. I smile softly too. He and Skip just might be the only friends I’ve ever truly had. 

-------------------

The maneuvers with Sobel have been getting worse and worse. He is jumpy, he is unprofessional and most sadly: he does not know how to work theory in practice. 

Nix also got moved to the battalion staff. He was now packing the rest of his stuff. It felt odd, I had come used to spending time with the man. He was very odd company, but the more you get used to him, the more pleasant you see him. 

“What are you gonna do?”, Lewis asks as we discuss Sobel’s field work. I know it is very unprofessional of me, but my eyes almost become stars when I look at my husband in his Ike jacket. I shake my head and grin at the thought. 

“Nothing, just keep training the men”, Richard answers, just as a short fellow hops in. I quickly stand up too. 

“Am I interrupting?”, the man asks. As me and Nix look at each other. Richard answers for us as he rises up: “No, no. Lt. Lewis Nixon, Nurse Sonja Winters, Lt. Harry Welsh just in from the 82nd”, he introduces. I smile at Harry kindly and shake his hand. “Ahh the beautiful lady wife”, He grins with his tooth gap. 

I smile too, all the officers know the setting.It was easier that way and when things got serious, it was very practical. “Beautiful wife for a beautiful man”, I say knowing it would make my husband flush. 

Harry chuckles and moves to shake hands with Lew.  “Congratulations on the promotion”

“Ah, thanks. If you wanna call it that. You’ll learn them pretty quickly. She’s holy Mary, biblical little lady with a husband to match: No flaws, no vices, no sense of humor”, Lewis manages to hint. I glare at him and he just looks at me with a million dollar smile. 

“Just like your chums up at Battalion Staff?”, Richard quips. I grin at him and go to gently brush his jacket straight. Which it already was, but better be as neat as possible. While I do that Dick turns his head to Harry: “What’s up?”

“I’m hearing a lot of rumblings”, you can hear the concern in Harry’s voice. Lew catches on quickly: “Sobel? We were just talking about that”

“So he gets a little jumpy in the field?”, Harry confirms as I turn back to him and Lewis. “He gets jumpy and you get killed”, Lewis nods. I look at him with raised brows and a dry expression. “What?”, he asks. 

“Aren’t you just tactful”, I say pointedly. He chuckles: “haha, sorry Dick, I’ve rubbed up on her.” I roll my eyes, in his eyes you could see the pride of being bad influence. And I am in deep shame that I’m not immune to it.

Richard just continues with the topic of Sobel. “Listen, if we discuss it, it should be among ourselves”, he says looking at all of us very pointedly. We all quickly agree, and then the devil himself jumps in. 

We are moving out.

@iilovemusic12us​