#i really needed a whole season of dumb shenanigans tbh

[iarrelm]

An early morning conversation about tea got a little out of hand

[ghostwriterofthemachine]

will you pretty please tell me about how teen wolf is a shonen??

Oh Griffin you're gunna be so sorry you asked.

I started thinking about this in the first place because I was pondering about the genuinely weird fan reaction to the first couple of seasons of Teen Wolf. Mostly, how people went "this is a concept we like!" and then had no idea what to do with and how to react to the main cast.

To be totally fair, part of this is because the writing of the first season is even worse than you remember it being and the Scott/Allison romance, which is supposed to be the show's centerpiece, is maybe the worst written part of all of it. Another part of it is that the acting talent skewed very young (Dylan O'Brian and Tyler Posey were both only 19/20 during season 1) and their ability to work with this frankly terrible material was a little bit uneven (Posey got WAY better as the show went on and by the end of it was really great imo, but oh man. that first season is not his best work).

But I also think there's a genre and genre convention thing going on here. Let me explain.

(disclaimer because this is a public post on tumblr: this is not that serious and is mostly a thought experiment in genre conventions please don't take it that seriously)

When did Teen Wolf first air? 2011. What were some comparable shows coming out about that time, or that an audience who wanted to watch Teen Wolf might also have watched/been aware of?

The Vampire Dairies, Supernatural, probably something like Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

What do some of these shows have in common?

Snarky/sarcastic main characters (Dean Winchester, Buffy)

Main characters who are often gray-moral or struggle with a pull to The Dark Side (the moral compasses in these shows are usually part of the supporting cast) (and are always high up on the list to be killed off for drama tbh)

Pre-streaming TV formula (episodic monster-of-the-week builds to a larger plot which is resolved in the last 4th of the season)

Romance that relies strongly on will they/won't they, love triangles, and edgy angsty 2000s vampire shenanigans.

You will notice that Teen Wolf has. basically none of this?

Teen Wolf has:

A painfully sincere main character

That same main character is about as moral and stick-to-his-guns as they come

Said main character gives Big Sweeping Speeches that convince irredeemable bad guys to be on his side instead of theirs.

Structured in clear and well-defined arcs, no episodic monster-of-the-week, where the bad guys keep getting bigger and scott's party keeps needing to power up to deal with them.

Audience knows who Scott is gunna end up with pretty much immediately (even when Scott moves on from Allison because of IRL cast fuckery, he always has one main romantic objective and works toward that)

Liberal application of coming-of-age themes/The Power Of Friendship

,,,,,Hm, I think to myself. That sure is something that feels more familiar to the way a shonen is structured than how a western supernatural teen drama is usually structured.

Scott in particular is an archetype that feels very foreign to the landscape of the western supernatural drama at the time. Protagonists of those types of shows were rarely as good and pure and kind as Scott is, and I think it's a big reason why so much of the audience didn't know what to do with him at first and instead attached to Stiles (who is gray-moral and sarcastic and would not feel out of place in a show like spn or btvs) (yes yes I know the sterek thing is also a big reason but go with it for a second here). However, Scott is NOT an archetype that would feel foreign to Shonen Jump at the time, particularly in an era where Naruto was still ruling the world.

Honestly, the whole cast of characters feels out-of-beat with a 2010s Western supernatural drama. The dynamic of the main cast in early seasons — Pure of Heart-Dumb of Ass hero, Tragic Cold and Competent foil (Derek basically playing the role of Sasuke here, lol), Powerless Childhood Friend, Love Interest with a Badass Weapon to Hide Her Vulnerability — all feels much more familiar with the tropes of a shonen (something like Shaman King specifically jumps to mind) than something that would show up in The Vampire Diaries. In Western supernatural dramas, you usually had a Snarky-Angry Hero, Tragic Brooding Love Interest, Concerned But Useless Friend/Sidekick.

,,,,,,Tbh, in a standard western teen drama, the Derek character would have been Scott's love interest. Which. Honestly, what the hell, now I want that, that sounds like an awesome show. Probably better than the Teen Wolf we got.

Oh. Also, there's a hot murder uncle. which is for-sure an anime thing.

ALSO-also, there are kitsune in this show for one season for like no reason because they're never mentioned again and vanish in the next season which happens WAY MORE THAN YOU THINK IT WOULD in this DUMB BAD NONSENSE SHOW —

clears throat. nevertheless. My thesis:

1: At the time it came out (2011), Teen Wolf was structured more like a shonen than a western supernatural teen drama. 2: That is part of the reason why fans had weird reactions to it — they were expecting one genre and it gave them another one, which a lot of the audience likely wasn't that familiar with. 3: this whole show is batshit bonkers.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk. *bows.*

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom season 2, episode 17-20 thoughts! finishing up season two! the finale is the THIRD 2-PARTER OF SEASON 2. that's so many! I wonder how many season 3 will have?

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-UERGH WHY DOES VLAD HAVE AN AI WITH MADDIE'S FACE ON IT. SOOO CREEPY. AND MORE 'CREATIONS' waiiiit. vlad is Dr. Frankenstein! (despite his ghost design obviously referencing vampires) HE HAS 'CREATIONS' HE MAKES THEN WONT TAKE REAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR!!! this bitch.

-danny was late and his friends immediately start going off about how hes inconsiderate, and has been treating them like sidekicks??? he just overslept, my god. chill. even if he has, be nicer about talking about it with him?? he really can't help that he sometimes has to chase the ghosts, or has a secret identity to protect...

-'what kind of ghost haunts a miniature golf course' umm. me as a ghost. next question

-imagine going home and theres a tiny child on your bed claiming to be your cousin. with as many cousins I have, I would probably believe her. but the 'ran away from home' BIT....SHES 12?? SHES SO TINY. I hate that they have her belly out in her ghost form, but I like how her colors are asymmetrical. something about her design...maybe the proportions?? are weird to me...anyway danny was good to feed her, but he shouldve taken her to his parents FIRST. or, tbh, probably jazz. (JAZZ DIDNT EVEN GET TO MEET HER!!! NOOO. I mean she said she'll be BACK BUT STILL)

-ANYWAY. shes voiced by AnnaSophia Robb, the girl who was in because of winn dixie, played as violet from charlie and the chocolate factory, and was the girl from bridge to terrabithia. (the movie that made me cry hysterically when I was 12 and I never watched it again because it Broke Me!) thats super cool.

-vlad sucks: the episode, basically. what's new!! I love how he's like, I'm Not A Villain. *immediately cuts to him torturing danny to make him transform, to get mid-transformation DNA, to perfect a Clone.* *immediately shows that he doesnt give a shit about his new daughter Dani and just wants a ''more perfect clone'' and will put her in danger to get that. will let her DIE to get that*

-Dani is danny's clone and is a girl? transgenderism....one of them has to be trans. or they both are.

-dani just. leaving at the end. WHAT? SHES 12. DONT JUST. NO!!! SHE WAS PROBABLY JUST BORN, A MONTH AGO AT MOST, RIGHT?? SHE NEEDS...SOMEWHERE TO LIVE. MONEY? FOOD?? A FAMILY?? AN EDUCATION???! WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S LEAVING!!! OKAY BYE I GUESS!!! D: concern!!!

-the next ep opens with skulker chasing a ghost down. ...does skulker count as a ghost hunter in the way valerie and danny do? I mean, sure, he hunts the good guys too, but he. he hunts ghosts...also, we haven't seen his Real Form since his debut episode! tiny...

-the guys in white are back! ngl, I assumed they were a gag for that one episode. you're telling me they might actually be a threat? ok.

-valerie in her lil nasty burger uniform looks so cute!! glad shes not in that mascot uniform this time. I guess she stopped hiding that she's working there now?

-gregor having white hair, dressed in black and white...and green eyes...sam has a Type, I guess.

-danny being unnecessarily hostile about gregor. danny!!! hes been nice so far. he looks a little...tall to be 14, but. danny doesnt know anything about him! (he does Suspect, but...you cant just spy on people and be rude to them from a hunch.) also, gregor kissed her, and when she freaked out, he was like 'oh no!! sorry, we can take it slow! I understand!' which was NICE. I hate jealousy plots still tho.

-altho. umm. tucker, being concerned about danny spying on them??? SAM AND YOU WERE SPYING ON DANNY AND VALERIE A FEW EPISODES AGO!!!!! im not saying its RIGHT, but dont be a hypocrite!!! AND THEN SAM BEING MAD ABOUT IT, TOO.

-DANNY IS A 7 ON THE SCALE OF ECTOPLASMIC POWER!!! out of 10? so I want to know where the other ghosts rank...I mean it's a list from the guys in white, so, it may not even be accurate, like, they havent seen ALL of his powers, have they?

-Lancer being like 'im not cooperating with the FEDS' until they said they could access his tax records. they already did that joke with jack, but like, its still funny. kings of tax evasion.

-tucker's aggressive third-wheeling. but gregor being super into it. gregor/tucker is the real ship here. then gregor kissing danny on both cheeks after hugging him. bi poly king gregor. (he does turn out to be a liar with a phoney accent. unsurprising, BUT THE CONCEPT OF HIM BEING GENUINE AND THEM ALL DATING IS FUN)

-THE...GUYS IN WHITE THINKING GREGOR IS DANNY PHANTOM. LMAOOO. GET HIS ASS. or,, Elliot. lmfao

-sam saying tucker is part of the package because theyre friends was super sweet <3 but also 'part of the package'...polyships are obviously the solution to these dumb jealousy/love triangle plots.

-danny crashed a whole plane. the collateral damage...

-is he....

-you know....

.... (ITS NOT GAY IF YOU'RE DOING IT TO PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT, AND LIE TO A GIRL. RIGHT? he was getting a little too into pretending to enjoy tucker's company, and the above...c'mon, guy.)

-lmao, freakshow is in actual prison. I didn't expect a follow up, or for him to show back up! in the finale of this season, too!

-THE SICK TATTOO GHOST IS NAMED LYDIA!!! more Lore On her. freakshow seemed genuinely concerned about her. also, is she mute? I don't think she talked the first time we saw her, either. and we didn't know freakshow 'envied' ghosts, either, the first time, we just knew he was controlling them. interesting!

-...they literally stole the infinity gauntlet from marvel and called it the reality gauntlet. is that legal. what the fuck. even with the gems in the lil slots, having different powers...they had freakshow in jail, but didnt check his pockets??! hes just still in his lil outfit??? what kind of ...oh, its in amity park. yeah, all of the adults are idiots, okay, sure.

-'freakshow!' 'in the anemic flesh!' dude take some iron pills then. also, sure, the red eyes could be contacts for his aesthetic, but the whites of his eyes are yellow! does he have jaundice?! he severely needs more...like, every kind of vitamin. (this is what im worried about as freakshow attacks danny with giant robots)

-again, goth circus is a sick theme, and I love his goth train.

-oh FUCK every single person saw danny transform. on a stage. including his parents via TV. oh god. the guys in white and immediately like 'youre coming in for experiments!' SCARY. at least the crowd is willing to help him to escape...perks of now being a local celeb! even the kids at school are accepting :) this is what, the third time his family has found out? its always been an alt timeline tho. and danny fully intending to just rewrite things again instead of...I dunno, trying to roll with it this time? hes really worried his family won't accept him, huh...

-'maybe our son IS THE GHOST BOY, but its not as if our family's ghostly activities have EVER PUT YOUR FAMILIES IN DANGER' maddie. mmmmmmmmmmmm. okay.

-danny 100% prepared to run away from home because of this :( oh :( and saying his parents are 'looking for him, or a scalpel to dissect him with' ouch...

-THE GUYS IN WHITE TRYING TO ARREST A 14 YEAR OLD. fuck da feds.

-side note (another one about voice actors...) freakshow's voice actor, Jon Cryer, was lex luthor in pretty much every DC tv show, which is why I recognized his voice, because my dad loves those shows so I've seen a good bit of them without seeking them out...)

-the old man saying 'hey, i still had minutes left!' and danny saying 'you gotta watch those roaming charges!' about danny destroying the people in the diner's phones so no one could report seeing him...would kids today understand these things. can you even BUY minutes anymore...I remember my first phone being a flip phone, and the fact I always had minutes when my sister ran out super fast, because I didnt have friends calling or texting me like she did...:/

-the fentons being genuinely like 'why didnt danny trust us and tell us this, we love him :(' and JAZZ LAYING INTO THEM WITH THE 'DISSECTION/MOLECULE BY MOLECULE' LINES. LITERALLLLY. they need to apologize

-technically, lydias stronger than you! -jazz lesbianism moments! when did you even learn her name!!! but also get freakshows ass. lydia is also cooler looking. looove her design sm still.

-jazz psychoanalyzing freakshow... (also, her also having ghost envy? au where jazz is a ghost!! id like to see it)

-im glad the kids still got to go to their respective vacation things, even if they cant really stick around and enjoy them much...

-furry: confirmed. (also tucker calling her hot. tucker is a furry confirmed)

-danny being mad someone at the comic con is selling comics of him without permission, lmfao. give him his royalties!

-freakshow > thanos because hes a drama clown and does use his gauntlet to be FLASHY AND DRAMATIC.

-jazz's 'USE PYSCOLOGY' to danny about freakshow LMAOO. AND THEN IT WORKING. but, oh, freakshow's ghost form sucks. I like him as a clown better tbh. good thing danny took away his ghost powers!

-his parents hugging him and saying theyre proud :"( and saying 'of course you lied to us, we never gave you a reason not to!' and saying they were in the wrong basically for always talking about hurting ghosts aaaa :""(

-then he WIPED THEIR MEMORIES AGAIN!!! FUCK. I can understand him wiping the goverments/student bodies' memories, but why his parents?? they were being accepting!! ARGHHH. season 3 couldve been them all trying to adjust to them knowing!

-I know, on a meta level the showrunners probably wanted to just reset things to the status quo of him having a secret identity. But. We've been doing that for (2) seasons, I'd love if season 3 could be like, his parents adjusting to this and trying way harder to learn more and accept it (and the shenanigans that could come from that) and for fun, if he didn't wipe the students memories, it could be him being popular for a while, then everyone slowly realizing, oh, he's still Danny. Like. he might have ghost powers but hes Just The Same Guy instead of putting him on a pedestal (and seeing them all try and help him hide it from the giw/people who don't know!!)

-fuck they didn't even explain WHY he wiped everyone except sam, tucker and jazz's memories. he just Did It right when his parents were saying they loved/accepted him!! and sam and tucker didnt question it at all!!! HELLO??? very annoyed about this turn of events.

-anyway. onto season 3! I know its shorter than the first two seasons, and is the last season... I might just do it in 2 bursts if I can... :3c depends on the episodes' content and how much I want to say about each!

[supercasey]

Dumb thoughts on the Child Avatars AU

I dunno, just some dumb ideas I’ve had since I started talking about the AU online/brainstorming about it. (Putting it under a readmore for everyone’s sake)

The “Daisy kidnaps Jon” situation in this AU is Daisy riding her bike to Simon Fairchild’s mansion, holding a water-gun up to both Mike and Jon’s heads, and ordering them to ride with her to the grocery store to buy soda and hang out at a nearby playground for the day. Cue Elias flipping tf out when Jon isn’t at Simon’s place when he goes to pick him up later, Simon being half asleep because he was napping while the kids hung out, and Mike getting soaked by Daisy before he agrees to go with her, and since this happens in, like, late fall or early winter, he gets pneumonia afterwards and can’t hang out for awhile, leading to the kids jokingly saying he’s dead. Btw the only reason the trio was found is because Basira was invited after they made it to the park, and she convinced Daisy to let the boys go home. Daisy literally only kidnapped them because she wanted to play with someone.

Also the Buried!Daisy arc is Daisy getting eaten by a Buried controlled sandbox and Jon jumping in after her. The rest of the kids, who thankfully witnessed this, spent the next three hours digging for them, with Breekon & Hope eventually joining in to help since they were in the area. Daisy and Jon form a trauma bond afterwards and are now best friends.

Jon keeps getting marked by shit and it’s stressing Elias out because hE’S NOT READY FOR THE WATCHER’S CROWN YET!!! He needs more time to prepare, but his son is literally getting marked faster than fucking Sonic.

Speaking of Sonic, seeing as the “Console Wars” (Sega vs Nintendo) are happening during this time period, the kids take the rivalry Very Seriously. The biggest arguments are had between Sasha, Daisy, Julia, and Mike, who are all on Team Sega, and Jon, Martin, Tim, and Danny, who are all on Team Nintendo.

Sasha, close to tears she’s so angry: “Sega DO what NintenDON’T, Tim!!!”

When Martin was born, he only had one thick clump of curly hair that was white, but as he’s grown older and entered the Lonely multiple times, more of his hair has begun to turn white. As of the time of the AU “starting” (so when he’s 8 years old), he looks like he has white highlights in his hair.

Trevor isn’t a fully-fledged Hunt avatar yet, but the girls more or less are, so if you’ve ever watched Wolf Children, that’s pretty much the situation Trevor is currently trapped in. His daughters keeping changing into wolf pups and running wild as he frantically tries to hide their powers from anyone who isn’t Gerry.

(All of the kids secretly know already, even Basira.)

Basira is pretty much the only “normal” kid of the avatar children, save MAYBE for Tim, but he’s been deeply marked by the circus and has a few tiny powers (think S3 Jon as he was figuring out some of his powers, but wasn’t a full-on Archivist just yet).

The season 1 gang (including Danny) are the closest group of friends in the AU, save for Daisy and Basira’s friendship, and they hang out a lot at each other’s homes on the weekends.

Adelard usually brings Jane with him for his “trips” away from the institute, so it’s not unusual for her to be gone for long periods of time. But she always sends postcards and gifts to the institute for everyone!

Helen is three years old, so theoretically she should be able to talk, but she rarely does so, preferring to communicate via giggles and laughter. Only Jon, the Stoker brothers, and Michael can understand her, and they take turns translating for everyone else.

Whenever she’s brought to the institute, Helen takes to toddling around after Jon and Martin, giggling up a storm the whole time. Jon finds it a bit annoying while Martin is endlessly amused by her antics.

A list of the guardian’s/adult’s ages before I fucking forget (as of when the AU “starts” in 1994): Gertrude Robinson - 62, Elias Bouchard “Jonah Magnus” - 51 (200+), Peter Lukas - 55, Simon Fairchild - 83 (300+), Gerard “Gerry” Keay - 30, Michael Shelley - 32, Alfred Grifter - Unknown, Adelard Dekker - 48, Nikola Orsinov - 30ish (100+), Annabelle Cane - 34 (Unknown), Trevor Herbert - 47, Agnes Montague - 25ish (60+), Jude Perry - 35, Jared Hopworth - 29, The Admiral - 10.

The “good” parents all keep trying to set up some kind of PTA meeting so they can actually talk about how to raise these supernatural kids properly, but it keeps going horribly wrong; last time they tried, Alfred Grifter and his band showed up and nearly made Simon go deaf, so no one wants to initiate the next attempt at a meeting.

Tbh, at this point the Fear rituals are more successful than Elias’s shitty attempts at forming a PTA.

At some point in the AU Gerry, Michael, and Trevor all pitch in to buy a decently big house together, which leads to some serious Shenanigans now that Melanie is around Michael and Trevor’s kids/wards... let’s just say there’s gonna be a lot of knife related accidents.

Gerry taught Melanie how to fight when he took her in and it is the single worst decision he’s ever made in his short, goth life, even if he’ll never admit it. Melanie can now beat the shit out of everyone but Julia and Daisy, and it’s pure chaos every time. Tim puts up a decent fight, but he’s been spoiled on easy wins over his brother all his life. Jon tries and fails to so much as push her. Martin runs away crying before Melanie even throws the first punch. Needless to say, the other kids are very cautious about playing with Melanie now.

None of the kids have an education of any kind except for Mike. I’m serious; the only kid who’s decently educated is being raised by Foxy Grandpa Off His Shits McGee! Julia and Daisy have had some public education but not much, Elias refuses to do anything but home-school Jon yet he sucks shit at math, Tim and Danny don’t even know what a school fucking looks like, Melanie and Jane were too young to go to school when they became avatars, Martin has only recently been allowed near other kids so fuck public school (Peter can do math but Nothing Else), Annabelle fucking forgot to give Sasha any kind of an education outside of Web stuff, and Helen is still a very small child. None of these kids have gone to school for more than a few years at most and dear g-d is that gonna suck for them later down the line.

As a result of this, Basira has taught the other kids a few things when she’s come over and insisted on playing “school” with everyone, but she’s still just a kid and can’t always get them to pay attention during her lessons.

Because of this Rosie, Gerry, Michael, and Gertrude have all started making an effort to more or less home-school all of the kids, which has gone... well enough, I suppose. However, things have recently taken a weird turn since Jon keeps giving everyone the answers to assignments/tests via telepathy.

Jon: Whoa, you can make tea all by yourself, Martin!? Martin: Yeah, I’ve been doing it by myself since I was a toddler. I can also do laundry, mop floors, vacuum, and cook a few things, too! Tim: Wow, that’s really cool, Martin! I wish I could do stuff like that. Gertrude, off to the side: *Gives Peter a horrified look* I’m sorry, but did Martin just say he’s been making tea on his own since he was a toddler? Peter:  ╮(╯ _╰ )╭  Unfortunately, I’m severely depressed.

Yeeeeeeeah, Martin’s in a similar childhood situation to his canon one, but at least there are people actually willing to help him out of it in this universe. Also, Peter will clean himself up at some point here, he’s just still dealing with more or less disowning himself from his family and learning hoe to not be so lonely.

Speaking Of Which, the Lukas family are pretty big antagonists in this AU, primarily through Peter’s mother (I’ll come up with a name for her later if I can’t find it on the wiki), who is trying to kidnap Martin and more or less feed him to the Lonely so Peter will get over his “childish feelings” and return to being her favorite child.

And yes, she DOES accidentally kidnap Jon instead at some point... this kid can literally not avoid getting kidnapped.

I like to think Mike and Julia are really good friends in this AU, being the closest in age and all. They hang out a lot since their dads are both so chill and won’t get upset about it, the two of them mostly just playing video games, watching movies, and biking around their respective neighborhoods together.

(Also they may or may not be responsible for a statement that involves a woman seeing a “flying wolf” passing over London... they’ve yet to confess to it, but Elias is dead certain they’re behind the incident.)

The worms incident is 100% Jane’s secret worm collection getting fucking loose... she was keeping them in the walls “for safe keeping” and No One Fucking Knew, not even Elias, until Jon saw a spider, punched the wall, and Revealed them.

Jon and Tim got their scars because Jane lost control of the worms and they burrowed into the kids. Cue a very panicked 999 call from someone in the institute and Child Services almost getting involved, but Elias managed to cover it up.

Afterwards, Jon is incredibly self-conscious about his worm scars, but Martin tells him “now we both have freckles!” and it honestly makes him feel a little better about the whole thing.

Also Adelard makes an effort to track down a child psychologist/counselor with institute ties so he can get Jane some therapy/help controlling her powers. He loves her to the moon and back, and he’s terrified of her getting traumatized by what she accidentally did.

During the incident, a Notthem gets loose from Artifact Storage and attacks Sasha, but seeing as Sasha is of the Web and the Notthem is connected to a Web artifact, it only manages to really hurt her, but thankfully not kill her. She ends up hospitalized for a few weeks, but comes out fine later on. The table mysteriously disappears afterwards, and no one knows if it was Gertrude or Annabelle’s doing, but either way, the kids never have to deal with a Notthem again.

At some point I wanna get into Jon’s paranoia in season 2 for this AU, but I’m considering changing it from being because of the Jane Prentiss issue to be because of Mr. Spider almost killing him. I dunno how exactly it’ll play out, but I think it has a lot of potential!

Okay, before I end this post full of weird rambling ideas for the AU, I wanna make a list of the powers that the kids have at the time of the story “starting”/the ones they develop down the line because Jonny Sims himself said that all avatars have different powers, and I really wanna infodump on my thoughts for the kids!

Current powers of Jonathan Sims-Bouchard: Can simply know things whenever he wants to (so long as the Eye lets him, but the Eye sometimes keeps him from knowing anything he isn’t mature enough to handle), can compel people to tell him things (the other kids are better at resisting it, and so are other people touched by the Eye), can survive on very little food if he’s fed mostly statements/other people’s trauma, can non-consensually feel the pain and emotions of the people around him, has some weak telepathy powers, and he can subconsciously summon tape recorders.

Future powers of Jonathan Sims-Bouchard: Increased healing abilities, can know most anything if he tries, ability to resist other Eye avatars’ compulsions, can survive purely off of statements/other people’s trauma, can choose whether or not to feel the pain and emotions of the people around him, has much stronger telepathy powers than before, can force himself into people’s minds and read their thoughts, and he can summon tape recorders at will (though some still show up without his knowledge sometimes).

Current powers of Martin Blackwood-Lukas: Can disappear into the Fog for several hours at a time (he cannot be seen by anyone but other Lonely avatars while in the fog), can summon clouds of fog that he can momentarily hide things in (including people), can “banish” most anyone into the fog, and has “Sea Captain Eyes” (he knows where the Tundra is at all times, and can lead someone to it without a map or compass).

Future powers of Martin Blackwood-Lukas: Can change his hair color at will (only to red, white, and a mix of the two colors), can see much better in the Fog and can find anyone he’s pushed into it, can more or less teleport using the Fog, and he has what’s more or less a pocket dimension of fog for storage/hiding his friends from danger (think the inside of Gems in Steven Universe).

Current powers of Tim Stoker-Orsinov: Can make small bipedal toys “come to life” for a few minutes at a time (they can’t talk or communicate; only move around and perform small tasks/dances), can tell when a Notthem is masquerading as someone else, is supernaturally talented at gymnastics, and can dance alongside the creatures of the Stranger without being fully corrupted by them.

Future powers of Tim Stoker-Orsinov: Better control over the powers he already has as well as a high tolerance for the Spiral.

Current powers of Danny Stoker-Orsinov: Can order around creatures of the Stranger against their will, can tell when a Notthem is masquerading as someone else, can dance alongside the creatures of the Stranger without being fully corrupted by them, is supernaturally talented at gymnastics, and can change his voice to anything he likes (not always intentionally, though).

Future powers of Danny Stoker-Orsinov: Can more or less “teleport” to other circus locations by walking into theaters, can now change his voice to whatever he likes with his knowledge and consent, can take over as the Stranger’s ringmaster if necessary, can trigger a mesmerizing dance whenever he’d like, and has a high tolerance for the Spiral.

Current powers of Sasha James-Cane: Can communicate with spiders and have them send messages to other Web avatars, can read minds if she tries really hard, can “trap“ other entities in large webs that she can summon (takes a lot of energy), and she has Spider-Man-like abilities (can walk on walls and ceilings, can carry much more than her weight should allow, etc).

Future powers of Sasha James-Cane: Can now read minds without too much effort, can navigate almost any area that’s being controlled/influenced by the Web, can create webs without nearly as much effort as before, can transform her body to have more arms, legs, and eyes, and she now has venomous fangs (which can thankfully be controlled and/or hidden).

Current powers of Alice “Daisy” Tonner: Can turn into a wolf at will/when she’s especially emotional, can smell blood from several miles away, and has supernatural senses/physical abilities.

Future powers of Alice “Daisy” Tonner: Can now track most any monster she’s hunting once she gets at least one good look at them, can communicate with other Hunters via howling, and can navigate the Buried if needed (though this is very triggering for her and will cause her to pass out afterwards).

Current powers of Julia Montauk: Can turn into a wolf at will/when she’s especially emotional, can smell blood from several miles away, has supernatural senses/physical abilities, can track most any monster if she knows their name, can communicate with other Hunters via howling, and she can shift into a bipedal werewolf when she feels like she’s in danger.

Future powers of Julia Montauk: All of her previous powers have drastically improved, plus she has better control of them now.

Current powers of Basira Hussain: She has common fucking sense, something almost none of the other children have.

Future powers of Basira Hussain: She common sense AND she has a werewolf GF now. :) ((No dating for the babies, not until they’re at least teenagers))

Current powers of Melanie King-Grifter: Can listen to Grifter’s Bone without being damaged in any way, the music of Grifter’s Bone makes her powers exemplified for a period of time after she listens to it, the smell of blood triggers her to become violent, she can summon sharp weapons (knives, swords, etc) from thin air, and she can see a red aura around other people who have been marked by the Slaughter.

Future powers of Melanie King-Grifter: She has much better control of her abilities now, she can perform Grifter’s Bone songs for people and keep them from dying/going feral, and she can now also summon other weapons from thin air (guns, baseball bats, etc).

Current powers of Oliver Banks: Can see people’s deaths a week in advance via his dreams, he sees dark tentacles around people who are going to die soon, can see but not talk to ghosts, and he can smell death on anyone who’s undead/controlling other people’s bodies.

Future powers of Oliver Banks: Can raise the dead and control them to do his bidding (takes a lot of energy), can speak cat (not End related; Admiral related), and he can cause people to die within the week if he touches them in his dreams.

Current powers of Georgie Barker: Can see a “death countdown” over people who are going to die within the next thirty days, doesn’t feel any fear whatsoever, can see but not talk to ghosts, and she sees a dark sludge staining the clothes of people who have been marked by the End.

Future powers of Georgie Barker: Can bring people back to life for a minute or so by touching them (think Pushing Daisies type powers), can speak cat (not End related; Admiral is best cat dad), and she can communicate with ghosts much better now.

Current powers of Jane Prentiss-Dekker: Can summon bugs of most kinds from her mouth and under her fingernails, can communicate with bugs, and can fight off most diseases without any trouble.

Future powers of Jane Prentiss-Dekker: Can now completely control bugs via a hive mind effect, can summon bugs from anywhere on her body, has much stronger healing abilities than Jon, and she can see invisible bugs crawling on the skin of those who the Corruption wants her to get rid of (it’s hard for her not to give in to it’s desires).

Current powers of Mike Crew-Fairchild: Can levitate/fly at will, can summon clouds of any kind (rain, thunder, snow, etc) in any conditions, has much higher resistance to the weather/temperature, and he can “banish” people into the Vast at will.

Future powers of Mike Crew-Fairchild: Same as before, but with slightly better control than he had as a teenager.

Current powers for Helen Richardson-Shelley: Can change the world around her to be more like the Spiral (adding more doors, changing the colors of things, causing hallucinations, etc), can change any door into a doorway into the Spiral, and she can amplify her voice (very hard to control as a baby).

Future powers for Helen Richardson-Shelley: Can now summon doors that lead to the Spiral from thin air, has much better control over her powers and abilities than before, can morph her body to be longer and sharper at will, and she can “banish” people into the endless hallways of the Spiral.

((Holy shit, that took awhile))

Anyways, here’s a playlist I made for the AU, feel free to scream at me for my very weird taste in music: Pinky Swear That You Won’t Go Changing

[in-tua-deep]

Hi, I'm the anon who asked for the fluffiest most heartwarming headcanons and they really cheered me up thank you so much! ❤️

asdfghASFGHJ i can give some more random headcanons if you’d like >:3c

we’re gonna go with a theme of food since i went grocery shopping today

After a while in the apocalypse, some things started to grow back. Plants are tough, and a fantastic way to supplement a diet of insects if you know which ones are edible

that’s a long way to say that the siblings witness Five just stuff an Entire Flower into his mouth and he also randomly will stoop while walking and just grab some clover or something and stuff it in his pockets

“And y’all say I’m weird.” Klaus says while they watch Five absently pick and eat an entire patch of dandelions on their Forced Family Bonding Picnic

Five isn’t the only one with food issues - Klaus and Ben also come with food issues and surprisingly Luther also has food insecurity thanks to his time on the moon (everyone noticed that nice note which asked his dad to please remember to send more food right)

Klaus lived with homelessness and Ben hasn’t eaten actual food since he died regardless of the fact that Klaus always sets a place for him or saves him a cup of coffee or tea to include him, and the day that Klaus manages to make Ben manifest enough to actually eat and drink is going to be a Whole Barrel Full of Emotions

honestly what i’m saying is that there is some really wholesome mealtime shenanigans where everyone takes turns providing dinner or lunch and everyone has to attend because it’s family time and there is. varying level of success.

Luther’s food is a little basic but edible enough once they all grab some seasoning. He doesn’t do anything fancy with it, but he can put together a fairly solid meal - and if he actually genuinely studied for this and watched a bunch of youtube channels on cooking well he’s allowed to do whatever he wants on his free time thank you very much

Diego is. Well. He’s been living on his own for a while he’s technically capable of putting a meal together. And if everyone is served scrambled eggs on toast then hey it’s breakfast for dinner shut up that’s a real thing screw you all. (He might have forgotten it was his turn until someone casually mentioned it and he had to make do with whatever was in the kitchen oops)

Allison looks competent in her life but the first time it’s her turn to do dinner they end up having to order pizzas because Allison gets distracted and everything burns. There is some extreme heist shenanigans scrubbing everything down and busting out the air fresheners before Five gets back and Five scowls when he finds out but is actually endeared though he’d never admit it

Everyone expects Klaus’s dinner to be a fucking disaster and it was but that disaster is not what the family was fed so it all turns out okay in the end. Mainly because they went shopping earlier and ended up with a bunch of freezer food and so the family is served a wonderful mean of turkey dinosaur shaped nuggets with sides of kraft mac n’ cheese and microwaveable steamed broccoli

look Klaus is easily distracted and inclined to experiment to the point of inedibility which is not a fantastic combination for family dinner night. the only reason it goes decently is because Ben exists to act as Klaus’s one brain cell and Ben’s intervention depends entirely on how much his siblings have pissed him off this week so.

Five probably just fucking. Proudly dumps a bunch of cans of food on the table and considers his job in ‘providing’ for his family done. When question he defensively says “they aren’t even out of date yet!” and everyone is left squinting at these metal tubes containing their dinner

Next meal though, after much explanation on what they mean by family dinner nights, is probably some kind of stew?? probably a really bizarre and weird veggie stew because you can just kind of toss whatever in a stew pot and go with it which is probably one of the only real things he knows how to make. He may or may not build a fire in the courtyard to cook it since he isn’t sure how to do it making an oven and stove but like. baby steps y’all baby steps.

Ben gets to opt out of being in the roster for family dinner nights due to. his dead-ness. plus the fact that Klaus isn’t reliable in keeping him corporeal yet, but he does make some bomb ass desserts on klaus’s dinner nights when klaus has the energy to manifest him (as long as ben bugs klaus to remember to get whatever it is out when it’s ready)

Vanya makes so many casseroles y’all. When she was on her own she looked up stuff she could make that could be made in one dish and kind of went from there. Did she watch too many shows as a kid where a kindly neighbor brought over some casserole? probably. but her food is actually both edible, homemade, and freeze-able which puts her a leg up on pretty much all of her siblings tbh

the last day of the week, bc ben doesn’t cook, goes to Grace and everyone eagerly awaits those days because let’s be real Grace’s food is the best food and yeah, they might have come up with this thing to give her a break in the first place but damn if she isn’t the real expert and at one point or another they all end up seeking out her advice which she is always pleased by

Five might mainline coffee but surprise! He’s actually not alone in that. Vanya has long long hours of orchestra practice and needs a kick to stay awake, and Allison is completely unashamed with her starbucks obsession. Klaus is always eager to accompany Allison and gets the biggest most sugary drinks possible (as long as she’s paying)

Vanya does try to switch and keep to teas though. Especially after the whole apocalypse debacle. Look her powers are linked to her emotions and she’s going to drink whole gallons of calming whatever tea if it means she isn’t going to punt her idiot brothers through a few walls and go full on Carrie (even if they totally deserve it). She does have some regrets about the frequent bathroom breaks though

Luther is the sibling who tries the teas with Vanya. It’s quiet, they don’t really have to talk to each other, and it’s supposed to be calming so it’s their little bonding thing since god they both need it a lot tbh

Diego thinks coffee pollutes his system and probably keeps a whole bunch of sports drinks. and SMOOTHIES or like those dumb blended drinks? everyone loses respect for him the day they witness him voluntarily drink something with not one but multiple raw eggs in it

even Diego “my body is a temple” Hargreeves balks at Allison’s health smoothies which havekale in them. Allison insists they don’t taste that bad but everyone sees her grimacing when she thinks they aren’t looking. The only one that dares drink Allison’s smoothies is Five and everyone is convinced his taste buds died with the rest of the world in the apocalypse

Allison and Diego team up at least once to try and get the rest of the siblings to go on a health kick. Luther reluctantly joins their side because of the power of Allison and is regarded as a traitor by the rest. Vanya was almost persuaded until Allison said they were having spaghetti and brought out spaghetti squash. 

Klaus is ardently against this health kick because he wants waffles for breakfast, mainly. Five is only against it out of spite because they tried to throw away his marshmallows for his sandwiches

Klaus gets really hungry after using his powers to manifest Ben. His power is usually passive but when he’s actively using it, he’s burning calories. This probably leads to at least one collapse before Five elbows his way in to coach Klaus on How Not To Pass Out and to keep snacks on his person

Five’s power is similar in that jumps burn calories for him, which is why he almost never jumped in the apocalypse unless his life was in danger. The peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches were created to give himself some much needed calories and energy. He fainted a lot as a kid and knows how to handle this kind of bullshitbut Klaus is kind of garbage at taking care of himself so i mean. it’s a big old learning curve going on and tbh both Klaus AND Five don’t eat enough they’re both too skinny smh

Everyone takes turns going grocery shopping except for Five and Klaus. Five because he’s not driving to the store alone because he might get arrested (plus his grasp of paying for things is. very loose). 

Klaus because of the Incident that Shall Not Be Mentioned involving a local grocery chain store, an entire aisle of baby food, just a little bit of public nudity, and a wet floor sign. That, and Klaus always came back with the most ridiculous things possible anyway so

Klaus tries to wheedle everyone into letting him go because Ben is with him, guys! But no one falls for this. Ben is petty and will take Klaus’s side or egg him on almost as much as he acts as Klaus’s sole brain cell, and Klaus also has a history of ignoring Ben even when he is acting like that one brain cell

Klaus does occasionally tag along with the others. Mainly Diego, because Diego has a not-so-secret Klaus-shaped soft spot. Klaus usually demands to ride in the trolley and knocks things off shelves like a small toddler or particularly mischievous cat

Everyone in the house teams up to make sure Klaus eats at least one (1) fruit or vegetable at least every other day

okay that’s all i got for now i have to take a shower but enjoy ;3c

[authenticaussie]

What do you think the difference would be in a TMNT/OP fic with different collections of turtles?

oooooooo okay so I should be getting ready for class tomorrow but you have 100% captured me I’m so invested in this

mainly I know 2003, 2012, and Rise - well, at least, they’re my favourites and have the most distinct characterisation tbh bc they’re long-running series - SO I’ll do those guys :DD

THIS GOT LONG (because of course it did, I’ve never made a short post in my LIFE) SO FIRST: 

the main difference in fic would be tone!!!!!!!! The turtles are all really affected by the shows they come from so there’d be big differences in how they react to the new situation. Combining OP and 2018, they’re both such loud and bright shows that writing them sad would be kinda….disatisfactory to a reader. 2012 is the one where you could get kinda dark, and go down the genetic experiment and “oh wow these kids need a therapist” and Luffy being >:T wtf why are your lives so Fucked Up route, and 2003 would be hilariously awkward because they’re technically all in the same age range but they act so different wheezes

Second!!! Fun character analysis and Shenanigans under the readmore. 

2003

Probably the most responsible on this list, they’re like??? tbh, barely teenagers?? Or at the very least, 18 or 19, and they can be air-heads but 2003 goes feet-first into the whole plot and character and Everything Happens. I mean, literally in season one there’s this whole subplot about how you define monsters and genetic testing and Wild shit like that so they feel Way more adult than the Strawhats get at times. Even though One Piece covers some dark topics it….the characters - the strawhats, in particular, is what I mean - don’t feel like adults the same way the 2003 turtles do. 2003 also doesn’t feel as dark as 2012 gets sometimes, but I feel 2012 is also because they seem really young, and in 2003 at least they get to process their trauma. 2012…..kinda beats them up a lot akhsdg pft.

Sticking them with the Strawhats would be !! Honestly really funny? I feel Mikey would get along with them really well - in every iteration he’s very good at going with the flow, and hey, pirates? and they’re nice? and cool powers? - he’d have the time of his life. Donnie would try and figure out What Was Going On (as the resident “please fix this in case it’s dangerous” guy, that’s probably what his role would Often be) but I can see him being easily distracted by Franky and the whole devil fruits thing. GOD him and Franky is a thought and a half omfg. The level of tech in One Piece is so different when compared to the modern world, and it operates on rules but like, rules that are just ever so slightly different. 

Raph would be in debt Immediately. Mainly bc Nami’s manipulative like that but also because he’s just………..Like That. He’d be rude and insulting and if the strawhats were helping them out he’d be the team’s voice of reason. Or, distrust, I suppose. The one who hangs back, who’s prickly, who’s the last to offer his trust because his family needs him to be uncompromised, just in case. I think he and Zoro would clash for a bit, not like, in words but just in gestures, until the crew + turtles had been through their adventures, and gotten to the end of Whatever fic was being written, and then they’d be friends. Not best buds but like, healthy respect for each other. 

Leo……….absolutely does Not understand why Luffy is leader. It’s like making Mikey the boss; it doesn’t make sense to him, because Luffy is too trusting and he’s strong but strength doesn’t make a good leader, and in 2003 Leo’s kind of a pushover so he’d stay on the sidelines and watch with Raph. But, as everyone knows, Luffy’s magnetism is Pretty Hard To Deny, and the crew’s respect for him does a lot to show to Leo that he may be missing something but that he doesn’t have to understand. 

2012

I always……..feel so bad for TMNT2012 //weeps They’re just kids and they get put through so much like wow I’m only at season two but from spoilers there’s like?? their dad keeps DYING and being bought back to life???/ THAT’S GOTTA FUCK YOU UP!!! Plus all of them have all these different insecurities and they’re kinda mean to each other (Raph….has only given a proper apology for being a dick once so far, and I’m like. mid-way through season two. I’m sorry if this makes me mikey kin @@zali but pLEASE I cannot stand this LET THEM BE NICE TO EACH OTHER ;A; Like they’re still obviously a family but gosh they’re– so prickly)

Honestly depending on how the Strawhats meet them, like holy shit :o they might be Enemies. In 2003 I feel like they’ve been through enough to try and de-escalate a situation first, but 2012 are so Paranoid that unless they had April with them they’d be like WELP this is another mind-control alternate dimension thing, time to ninja vanish. And sure, after they ended up on whatever quest they needed to go on, Luffy would be fascinated by them (2012 definitely pushes the limits of what you can Actually do, in terms of hiding and shit, but I think that makes it fun !!) but I feel the turtles would be pretty paranoid at first. Mikey & Donnie would be the first two to be dragged out of their shells (snickers) because Donnie would be super curious (and also…probably kinda aggravated and confused) about how the one piece world rules work, and Mikey because…friends!! They already have a reindeer mutant on the crew, they’re obviously cool with mutants :D

akhsdg okay I mention that 2003 would hang back and assess Luffy’s leadership still but like 2012 would be such a dick. He never seems to learn the lesson that people have different strengths and different ways of doing things >:T and watching Luffy lead would drive him crazy. I bet he’d try and make plans and be all structured and in control and Luffy would wreck things and/or the strawhats would be like “lol no lmao, you’re not the captain”. Even if he did have a good plan, like….the Strawhats rarely follow plans if Luffy says they’re doing something different snickers. I feel a major part of this could just a nice subplot line of Leo learning to Chill and also like………give the 2012 a fun adventure I’m begging you sobs. Do a Long Long Island filler arc or smth, where it’s dumb and silly and barely dangerous because they’re all competent af. 

Also: Mikey constantly trying to find a devil fruit because “dudes, it’s probably not gonna apply when we go back home and think about how SICK superpowers would be!!!!!!!!”

He does not get one, to his disappointment. 

2018

These guys are IDIOTS and would fit in with Luffy’s brand of chaos p e r f e c t l y 

Okay so yeeeeah I’m probably biased because I think Rise may be my favourite (the family dynamics!! the character designs!! the animation!!! the stupid jokes!!! the sudden flashes of deeper plot!!!!!!!!) BUT. No-one can argue with me that Rise turtles are chaotic as fuck and they’d have the time of their LIVES with Luffy’s crew. Raph would fall in love with Chopper (Chopper would be terrified of him, continuing the terribly sad trend of Raph being Bad With Animals), Donnie would go wild glitter-eyed over the devil fruits and technology and immediately try and do a million mad scientist experiments (and look. SMILES are fucked up. But this boii would totally try and make one/figure out how they worked). He’s….a mad genius and maybe a little bit evil. 

Leo would either drive Sanji crazy or be INSTANTLY adopted and taught how to be “cool”, but I can also see Sanji and Zoro lowkey fighting over him SNICKERS. Because Leo has a sword so he’s obviously Zoro’s, but he’s suave and likes fashion so he MUST be Sanji’s, and it’s not an argument persay, until Leo says he thinks both of them are cool and then it’s a battle to the death. 

(The end of leo’s sentence was “not as cool as me tho ;P” only they didn’t notice that bit.)

April would absolutely fall in love with Robin. And also Nami?? But I feel mainly Robin like Oh Man Robin is so cool and both of them are hypercompetent??? April’s like teach me how to be a badass assassin and Robin smiles and laughs and absolutely does. 

Mikey’s so loud that he almost terrifies Usopp, and terrifying Usopp is kinda a no-no in Luffy’s book, but he likes these guys and Mikey’s just excited to have an artist friend and so both of them bounce around the ship like ping pong balls. 

There is………yeah. A lot of paint covering the Sunny after they’re through. I can’t decide if Franky would cry or laugh but I know one (1) single drop of paint got on Nami’s tangerines and she Banished them. Rise turtles probably have a really good time and the crew figures out they’re basically children really quick and make sure nothing bad happens to them. Leo promises to try and get better at portal-making so they can come visit New York sometime, and everyone is like “what the fuck is new york??” at the same time as Donnie says HEY WAIT, I THINK WE’RE ON AN ALTERNATE DIMENSION and they get teleported home :DD

THANKS FOR LETTING ME SPILL ALL MY TURTLE FEELINGS EVERYWHERE

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 411

This week, on Outlander: Claire carries all of the water for Jamie! Lord John can’t decide if he’s dumb and creepy or a cool dude! Roger is still my designated tea refill break! Bree is back to being the worst! Murgsali remains the best!

It’s week two of my drunk recaps being done while not drunk *shakes fist at the concept of Dry January* and my willpower is being aggressively tested.

I hate this fake-out with Roger as much as I hate the fake-out in ep. 1x03 with Claire and Mrs. Fitz.

Are we going to get Roger back at the stones and his decision to stay and him being recaptured and stuff next week? Or are we just going to pick back up at the village and we just need to fill all that in ourselves? Tbh, I almost would have preferred Roger just not being in this episode...

Oh the title card... Bree is suddenly now a great artist! (Seriously, how the fuck did she never draw Roger at any point before Rogergate happened?! Like, cool if you don’t want to share who raped you, literally this whole thing could have been avoided without sharing that tidbit if Jamie KNEW WHAT ROGER LOOKED LIKE. Oh, thanks for the heads up, Lizzie, but it turns out that the guy you saw is Bree’s boyfiend. I punched him for leaving her, but it turns out he’s just a dick, not a rapist.) (Second week in a row that I’ve made that typo. It’s like even my subconscious doesn’t like Roger.)

And Bree loves drawing the enslaved people on her great-aunt’s plantation! Which she apparently is totally cool with!

Also, Bree says Aunt wrong. It’s a minor thing but one that is driving me up a fucking wall every time she says it. (People in Massachusetts say it like Ahnt, not Ant.)

Geez, Lizzie, Bree doesn’t need to easily forgive Jamie. Jamie doesn’t deserve to be easily forgiven. Honestly, Lizzie is the least to blame for this whole fiasco. She saw a dude being rough with Bree and then the next time she saw Bree was post-rape. Jamie was a complete prick to Bree, beat the shit out of a random guy without letting him get a word in edgewise and had his nephew get rid of him. And then didn’t fucking tell Claire, who probably would have put two and two together, about it. Fuck that guy.

I simultaneously can’t believe and 1000% can believe they read this shit heap of a story line and were like “Yep, this is great stuff! Let’s definitely spend half a season on it!”

ROLLO! THE GOODEST BOY!

Ugh. Young Ian being like “Oh hey, Auntie Claire, how about you go do the emotional labor of making Jamie feel better about being a fucking dumbass!” Hard pass, Ian. Hard fucking pass.

So here for Claire’s “what you *both* thought.” Like yep, Ian, you’re at fault too. I know you love your uncle, but you gave that whole big speech at River Run about being your own man and yada yada, so maybe fucking own your part in this. You didn’t fucking have to sell a guy into fucking slavery. BUT YOU’RE STILL NOT AS MUCH TO BLAME AS JAMIE. FUUUUCK THAT GUY.

Also, Jamie, you dumb fuck. You should have been fucking groveling by now. You get no points for keeping your distance. Nut up and mea culpa the shit out of this situation.

Honestly, if they wanted to make the show just about Fersali and Murtz, at this point I’d be totally on board.

Wait, so Fergus has been unemployed this whole time? How the fuck have they been living for the past year then? What happened to his job at the printer? I have so many questions...

So Bree, who grew up in civil rights era Boston and had a Black roommate, is totally just chill about living on a plantation and being waited on by enslaved people? Like, we’re not going to mention this at all? Cool. Cool cool cool.

Also like fucking mother like daughter. She’s like “Oh hey, Phaedre, I’m going to draw you. Sit there. No, I’m not going to ask if you want to be drawn. Or take into account what Jocasta might do to you because of my decision to make you not be doing what you’re expected to be doing. Like my Mom did with asking you to call her by her first name, I’m just gonna disregard what the consequences might be for you because treating you like this will make me feel better about myself.”

Maria Doyle Kennedy continues to be awesome.

"Sorry! Did I wake ye?” I love Marsali so fucking much.

I really like them giving what was a convo with Jenny and Jamie about Ian in the books to Marsali and Murtagh about Fergus. But man, women do so much of the emotional labor in this fucking episode. Marsali is running a house, caring for a baby and risking having a wanted man sleeping in her kitchen but she also has to like fluff the pillows for Fergus’ feelings.

Yes, I know that spouses should support each other and be there when the other one needs something. But since we see so little of Fersali now, we’re not seeing this as a two way relationship. Just Marsali doing it for Fergus.

That being said, I do think it’s very sweet of Marsali.

“If I wanted him shot, I’d do it myself. And it wouldna be Fergus I’d take aim at first. He doesna put his boots on my blankets.” I just fucking love her so much, y’all.

Does Murtagh know who Marsali is yet though? Does he know about Jamie marrying Laoghaire? Were we robbed of the glorious Murtz reaction we could have had? Le sigh. If I had a drink, I’d pour one out...

Oh hey, Gerald. Is your name going to stay Gerald? Or are you randomly going to start being Neil in a couple seasons?

“Have you been enjoying your time at River Run?” “Yes, I love River Run. I love living with a bunch of racists, benefiting from the enslavement of Black people. I never once bring up how uncomfortable I am, or even look like I’m uncomfortable about the situation. I am not at all morally conflicted about my current situation. Everything is totally cool.”

I raged a lot during ep. 4x02, and honestly that rage all still stands.

Oh hey! John Grey, Lord of Convenient Appearances is back!

Fergus talking to Germain is my everything. “It seems there are some here who do not appreciate your contribution to the cause.” *swoon* I can’t wait for him to teach his lil dude the fine art of pickpocketing...

I LOVE THE FERGUS AND MURTAGH RELATIONSHIP A LOT AND I’M VERY GLAD THEY’RE GETTING SCREEN TIME TOGETHER.

BASICALLY I LOVE MURTAGH’S RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYONE.

I JUST LOVE MURGSALI OK.

Bree’s like that obnoxious college freshman who comes home on break and is like all insufferable because they took like one intro to psych class and now want to like diagnose everyone they know with random shit.

“Must I close my eyes when you are before me?” “Yes.” Well played, Bree, but I still do not like you at all in this episode.

Man, 18th century tinder fucking sucks.

I know this show isn’t subtle at all, but jfc, they’re like punching us in the face with the judge being gay. 

Bree, Claire and Betty fucking Draper should start a club for women who drink like fish while preggo.

Ok so I’m on board with the convo with LJG and Bree about his vision or whatever, but then it crosses over into creepy later on in the episode.

Can Lizzie please fuck off already? She’s annoying af.

Also, she blurts out that Bree’s pregnant but managed to keep it a secret that Jamie kicked the shit out of a guy for weeks? I’m calling shenanigans on that.

I get that the convo with John and Bree about Jocasta trying to marry off Bree to some rando is supposed to like be clearing up the handfasting is marriage vs. not marriage thing that the show can’t make up its mind about, but it still bugs me, tbh. A lot.

I still am lowkey annoyed that they expect us to be so invested in Roger and Bree when they did like nothing to build up their relationship before it went to shit (both times). Like, you’re lazy when it comes to your characters, show. You’re doing a bad job. If no one is invested in the characters then all the plot in the world won’t make the show good.

The amount this show relies on book readers backfilling shit is absurd.

Jocasta, as a woman and figure in society, is a far more understandable giver of this speech about Bree needing to be married than Jamie, a dude who can have her live with him in his and Claire’s house in fucking bumblenowhere backwoods. But still, WHY DON’T THESE FUCKERS JUST TREAT HER LIKE SHE’S MARRIED. SHE TECHNICALLY IS. SHE’S HANDFAST. WHO GIVES A FUCK IF THERE WEREN’T WITNESSES. NO ONE IN CROSS CREEK KNOWS THAT. PEOPLE WILL JUST ACCEPT WHAT YOU TELL THEM. I HATE THAT ALL THESE FUCKERS WON’T PUT THAT TOGETHER.

Ok, cool that Lord John is getting some action, I’m am 10000% here for him to be happy with a man who actually wants him back instead of creepily pining over Jamie forever. But FFS YOU ARE NOT STUPID. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU BANGING THIS DUDE IN THE GODDAMN HALLWAY?! YOU ARE A VERY CAREFUL PERSON. YOU KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF PEOPLE KNOW YOU’RE GAY. YOU FUCKING GOT SHIPPED OFF TO ARDSMUIR BECAUSE OF RUMORS ABOUT YOU AND HECTOR. YOU ARE SMARTER THAN THIS YOU STUPID FUCKING FUCK.

All that aside, I totally ship John and the judge and they should totally be boyfriends and bang a lot, but FUCKING NOT IN THE GODDAMN HALLWAY OF SOMEONE ELSE’S HOUSE WHEN THEY KNOW THEY LIVE IN A HOMOPHOBIC AF SOCIETY.

Ok, fuck Brianna for this blackmail bullshit. Fuck her so fucking much. She is the literal worst right now. Like are you fucking kidding me, Bree?! You’re garbage. I know this shit is in the book, but fucking christ. It’s bad. Fucking have Bree talk to John like “Look, my aunt is trying to marry me off. That fucking hobbit is going to propose as soon as I go back inside. I don’t want to marry him, you know I’m waiting to see if my parents can find my quasi-husband. Can you please do me a solid and say we’re engaged so people leave me the fuck alone until my parents get back?” We *know* John would say yes to that, because he eventually fucking goes along with it for THAT EXACT FUCKING REASON. SO WHY ARE THEY HAVING FROM-THE-POST-STONEWALL-FUTURE BREE THREATEN A GUY WITH THIS SHIT. SHE KNOWS HOW QUEER FOLKS ARE TREATED IN HER OWN FUCKING TIME, AND THIS IS THE PAST AND THE PAST IS THE FUCKING WORST. FUUUUUUCK HER.

“That sounds like a threat.” BREE, YOU DON’T GET TO BE BUTTHURT ABOUT BEING THREATENED WHEN YOU LITERALLY JUST TOLD A GUY YOU WERE GOING TO RUIN HIS LIFE, YOU ABSOLUTE ASSHOLE.

“I wouldn’t have said a word to anyone. I’d just threaten you with your worst fear. Because I’m a raging asshat.”

It’s creepy af that they’re like talking around John being in love with Jamie. I honestly hate that part of John so fucking much. Like he could be such a great character if they could fucking lay off the him pining over and being weirdly possessive of Jamie shit.

Ok, so with Bree now just telling everyone that it was Bonnet who raped her it’s really coming off that Jamie’s manpain was the *only* reason she didn’t tell anyone but Claire before. Which is so fucked up! She was raped! Fuck Jamie’s manpain! If she wants to tell people, she should fucking tell people! Sorry not sorry, but if you were brutally raped and possibly impregnated by some fucker and you want to let people know who it was because it turns out he’s a fucking sociopath, that fucking trumps “oh, my bio dad might feel icky about it.”

“The union of our families is a blessing to us all. Except for the second someone better comes along. Because omg he’s a *lord*! Bye, Neil. Go have yourself some second breakfast.”

Oh fuck you, Jamie. You don’t get to be butthurt at Claire. Claire didn’t beat the everloving fuck out of some rando at the word of a maid, send him into slavery and then keep it a fucking secret. Also like, why the fuck did he even keep it a secret from Claire?! Why not do what Bree did and tell Claire but have her not tell Bree? And he’s still keeping him asking Murtagh to track Bonnet down from Claire. Seriously, fuck Jamie.

Oh Rollo, this isn’t Terminus. We don’t eat people in this show.

I literalol’ed at them pulling an Everest and using a dead body as a wayfinding tool. Probs not the reaction they were going for.

“He is... very much like his father.” DON’T MAKE IT WEIRD, JOHN.

"Good doesn’t come into it. I love him more than life itself.” I love the convo about loving a kid even if you’re not the bio dad, but this “It’s only new because there is hope.” bullshit while they’re sitting on the FUCKING PORCH OF A PLANTATION, LOOKING OUT AT ENSLAVED PEOPLE WHILE THE REST OF THE FAM IS OFF LOOKING FOR THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE LIVED ON THE LAND FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS, IS SO FUCKING TONE DEAF IT HURTS.

“I was upset, but not with you.” Uh, Claire? YOU SHOULD BE UPSET WITH JAMIE. WHAT THE FUCK. YOU SHOULD ABSOLUTELY BE UPSET WITH JAMIE.

I get Claire’s reasons for not telling Jamie. I think Bree should have told Claire to tell Jamie since it seems like her only hesitation for doing so was Jamie’s #feelings. And I 100000000% think that it makes *zero* sense that she never told Jamie what Roger looks like. But Claire is doing way fucking more than her share of apologizing here. JAMIE IS THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE DOING THE BIG DRAMATIC APOLOGY. THIS IS LIKE 99.7% HIS FUCKING FAULT.

I HATE ROGERGATE SO FUCKING MUCH.

“Frank made plenty of mistakes.” UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE FUCKING CENTURIES, BEAUCHAMP.

Aaaand then they couch it as an “all parents do” thing. BECAUSE OH NO, CAN’T ACKNOWLEDGE THAT HE WAS AN ABUSIVE JACKASS. NOPE. CAN’T DO THAT.

This show is fucking *killing* me with its refusal to make the male characters accountable for their actions. 

And then we get the same sex scene we got in the premiere. Because even though Jamie and Claire get freaky in oh-so-many different ways in the later books, the show has decided that from now on they need to be vanilla and boring. I mean, in the book this bit is described as fierce with blind desperation. I know I always say I want them to deviate from the book, but ffs, I didn’t mean make all the sex the same when the situations and emotional states of the characters when they’re together are very different...

And no, Balfe, I’m not a “horny granny.” (Seriously, fuck her for that comment, tbh. I know what she was probably trying to say, but word choice, Caitriona. It’s fucking important.) I’m not watching this show for the smut. But the core relationship, what’s supposed to be the heart of the show, is now monotonous af. 

Jamie and Claire as characters have always been a couple who express themselves passionately and physically. But now suddenly they’re just like soft af all the time? Where’s the fire? Where’s the spark? You don’t need to have nudity to show passion, show. I’m not asking for a parade of boobs and butts. (If there was contractual stuff involved with that for actors or whatever, more power to them.) But ffs, the show is managing to make me bored with the main fucking ship.

And then Roger gets the shit kicked out of him again and I’m here for it.

Because I still don’t like that guy.

(But seriously, framing the various Native American tribes as the “bad guys” is getting old af.)

[scoobydoominuscoobydoo]

Why we started shipping Shaphne. Just Random Rambling-

I’m gonna go ahead and say this is not an argument on why Shaphne is better than Fraphne because no ship in better than another, especially in the Scooby-Doo universe.

I’m gonna take a few moments to discuss the worst portrayal that ruined my opinion on Fraphne for a long time. 

And just because Shaphne is always gonna be the OTP of this blog doesn’t mean I don’t get why people ship Fraphne. I’ve seen every incarnation of Fraphne to date and they actually are cute, I get it.

Okay with that, let’s have some fun!

Mystery Incorporated:

Let’s start by addressing the only Scooby show that actually made Fraphne canon, and how they managed to screw it up so poorly it wasn’t even funny.

Now listen, MI was the incarnation I grew up with so I do actually have a lot of sentiment attached to it. But I am not going to argue with the fact that it did a poor job of characterizing all of the gang, Scooby included.

It tried it’s best to try and flesh out the gang to have them feel more, real. Like actual teenagers.

But oh my Lord they just made it worse.

And I think the one who got the worst of it was Daphne.

Her amazing and well rounded character that had existed since forever had been pushed down to the pretty girl that had a crush on Fred. And for most of the first season none of her actions were outside of her crush shenanigans. 

And she absolutely did not deserve that, Daphne was not part of Scooby-Doo solely to be Fred’s love interest. Way back in 1969 they understood that because Daph’s actions did not revolve around Fred 24/7.

When I watched the show when I was younger I never caught onto just how much of her “development” was her managing to get Fred to say something romantic to her. I honestly love the episodes in season 2 where Daphne isn’t in love with anybody because she actually gets the chance to just be herself.

Be quirky awkward Daphne.

And then she comes full circle and returns to having the same kind of relationship she had with Fred in season 1.

When they were together it wasn’t any better.

Rewatching the episodes when they were dating now when I’m older honestly made me uncomfortable. And when they got engaged it was laughable how poorly that was executed. Tbh I’m sure Fred had no idea that he proposed to Daph and just went along with whatever she said.

Then he just goes ahead and dumps her like it’s not painful or any sort of big deal while it actually crushes Daph enough to distance herself from the rest of the gang.

Season 2 Fred made me incredibly freaked out, like I love Fred Jones to bits and pieces but MI season 2 Freddie was the worst version of him and anyone who believes otherwise can explain why they disagree. 

I’m honestly curious if other people weren’t bothered by his disturbing behavior towards Daph for the beginning of that season.

Anyway bottom line, MI was why I had lost interest in Fraphne.

And why I gained a new interest in Shaphne.

I’m sure everyone remembers that episode in season 2 where...um...stuff happened.

Mod Silas is still convinced they slept together and I feel like it’s strongly implied but whatever.

That’s not what made me ship Shaphne since during all of that Daphne though Shag was Fred and Shag also thought he was Fred. Anyone feel like explaining how they managed to experience the same hallucination? So seeing that whole thing as Shaphne does kinda seem pointless.

What made me ship them was the short scene that happened afterward.

Both Shag and Daph quickly figured out what had happened and for like a few seconds they just stare at each other and don’t say anything. Like no panic or weirdness until Fred and Scoob reacted.

Shaggy ogles over being kissed by an angel, like twice I think.

Now both of those things don’t seem like a huge deal until you remember how much of a disaster these two’s relationships in the past were.

Both of them being in very forceful and controlling relationships.

Now it’s very probable that both of those reasons mean absolutely nothing and of course I’m reading into things as always.

But that was enough to catch my attention and pull me down into a void.

Because I’m gonna go ahead and be 100% honest with everyone:

Shaphne is never gonna be canon!

We all know it.

This isn’t a Riverdale/Bughead situation where people had wanted Betty and Jughead to get together long before the idea of Riverdale was created.

People were always for Fred and Daphne. And since the dawn of time it’s been clear that Fred and Daph are always gonna be each other’s respective love interest.

Hence why Shaphne is a void of pain.

But as I became open to the idea of it I made an observation.

Though Shag and Daph have very little interaction in most of the shows it was enough.

Shaggy and Daphne always take care of and understand each other. And it’s also super obvious that Daphne is very protective of Shaggy. Different from how she’s protective of the rest of the gang.

I’m not sure why their dynamic has always been like that, but it’s a dynamic that’s survived all the way into the modern age which means a lot to me.

Another thing that’s clear is Daphne loves Scooby.

Possibly just as much as Shaggy does idk.

The significance of that fact is best explained through a motto that Mod Silas and I have always had since we started shipping it:

“You can’t get Shaggy without getting Scooby.”

This was the biggest amount of drama with Shelma in MI was that Velma always saw Scooby as a dumb dog, as Shaggy’s pet, when it came to their relationship. And never saw him as Shag’s best friend, which is exactly what he is.

So when Shag broke up with her, she chose to blame the dog even though the reason he gave her was he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship.

And for the rest of the show Velma only ever gives Scoob sarcastic and condescending treatment.

 But Daphne has always loved Scooby, that much is clear,

Scooby and Daphne’s bond within MI alone is something to be appreciated.

And over the course of time I just kind of enjoyed the fact that Shaggy and Daphne would have a very healthy relationship, platonic or otherwise, if it had ever been further explored.

That’s a good portion of Shaphne, unexplored potential. 

And it’s definitely gonna stay unexplored.

However MI was just the beginning of my unhealthy Shaphne obsession.

The rest of the Universe:

Now the other Scooby shows had me approaching Shaphne differently because I wasn’t comparing it to Fraphne or Shelma in anyway since I didn’t have anything against the other incarnations of the ships.

For this I was able to just appreciate the dynamic Shag and Daph provided as a whole and not have to have that be my central focus for whatever show I was watching.

Like I can actual enjoy the friendship between the gang.

This version of Shaphne is the most relaxed and the one I wish got more attention, because this is the one where you see that they respect and understand each other. They also seem bonded over their love and protectiveness over Scooby which always gets me grinning like an idiot.

Daphne being protective of Shag is also another nice thing that’s presented.

However, in the old Hanna Barbera cartoons, romance was never supposed to be the main focus, or even really an element in the shows.

And to be fair romance isn’t meant to be the center of Scooby-Doo, it’s the friendship between four kids from very different social classes. 

I will say that shipping Shaphne and keeping up with all of the made for TV films is typically a treat since there are a good handful of them that just provide plenty of scenes showing the perfect dynamic they share.

For people who are looking for recommendations I’d say #1 is Scooby-Doo and the Legend of the Phantosaur, which on it’s own is a really good movie just to watch. But the Shaphne on top of it is a nice addition.

For #2 I’d say both of those live-action movies Cartoon Network made. The Mystery Begins and Curse of the Lake Monster.

While I have problems with those movies, *cough cough* Fred with brown hair *cough cough* 

I think those movies do the best job of portraying Shaggy and Daphne’s relationship and it’s really sweet to watch.

13 Ghosts + New Scooby and Scrappy:

I’m gonna go ahead and finish this off with the two key pieces in the Shaphne art museum.

I’m sure everyone is already aware of the existence of the two shows where it’s just Shag and Daph and company.

These are the ones where we actually get to see Shaggy and Daphne work as a team it’s all I ever needed and more. While the main reason these exist is because Shaggy was the most popular character and then they added Daph ‘cause they needed a pretty girl.

“How to make a famous cartoon in the 70′s 101.”

Now both of these shows focus like a lot more on the “comedic relief” and their fun shenanigans than on the duo but that’s to be expected since this show was made for kids.

But for the most part it’s worth sitting through Flim Flam just always talking and never shutting up or Scrappy constantly saying “Puh-pup-puuuppyy Powweerrr!!” Every 8 seconds to see Shag and Daph in the background acting like overwhelmed babysitters that aren’t getting paid enough.

Plus there was all that fun drama where people thought they were living in the same house together.

While I am very certain that these shows don’t exist because everyone at HB was secretly the biggest Shaphne shippers in the world, I am very thankful for them.

In then end I think the reasons I ship Shaphne aren’t because I want the underdog to get the girl in the end. And I don’t want it to be like some sort of ‘guy on the wrong side of the tracks dating a pretty, rich girl.’

I really just want these two to be happy and functional and honest and themselves.

I always just see it as them being there for each other because though they may be really different people it’s never bothered them before. I just see two people who accept and help each other and that’s just something I see even though their dynamic gets no screen time.

At the end of the day Shaphne is always gonna be a fill in the blanks kinda ship. 

And I’m fine with that.

-Mod Ninja 

[supercasey]

Nomad of Nowhere Modern Twins AU Camping Shenanigans

I did this because I have fucking writer’s block and my new medication for my depression/anxiety is making me feel a bit sucky as I get used to it, so here, have some antics that I may or may not try writing/drawing sometime.

I’m gonna set this camping trip when Hunter and Skout are in high school (both 15) and Melinda is still in elementary school (9).

For context, Benjamin and Annabeth are absolutely nature enthusiasts- I mean, they built their own fucking house for crying out loud!- so camping trips aren’t all that out of place for them, but this time they insist that their oldest kids bring their friends from school along! (Last time they brought some of Melinda’s friends, they accidentally started a fire, and no one wants to relive that shit.)

Skout brings Toth, who’s nervous AF to meet Skout’s parents (she knows they’re pretty damn accepting and in a polyam relationship, but I doubt anyone’s all that excited to meet their significant other’s folks), while Hunter brings the Three Amigos, which of course includes Null, who he only just started dating in secret.

While Ben and Anna are really freaking hyped for the trip, Adrian is a bit less excited, as he fucking loathes outdoor activities of any kind (the family has countless pictures of them all together after a hike, and Adrian always looks close to passing out in them), but he’s excited to meet his kids’ friends!

The whole group road trips to a nice forest that they can camp in, but due to the size of their crew, they split into two vans: Benjamin, Annabeth, Skout, Toth, and Melinda are in one van, with Adrian, Hunter, Null, Santi, and Jethro are in the other.

The road trip is a fucking MESS; Ben and Anna keep arguing over directions (despite Skout offering her phone for GPS, also Ben can’t drive at all but Anna drives like a maniac), so they get lost for several hours.

In the meantime, Adrian’s van is loud AF, since the Three Amigos are a pretty rowdy bunch, and Hunter convinced his dad to let him choose the music, which is just Lemon Demon at top volume for several hours straight. Adrian is in hell and it’s Touch-Tone Telephone on repeat.

Thankfully, once they get to the campsite, things are looking up... except that Don Paragon’s family has their giant ass RV parked directly next to the family’s campsite, and Don brought Red Manuel along because his parents told him to bring a friend from school. Needless to say, none of the teens are happy to see each other outside of school.

Santi and Jethro almost get fucking lost in the woods at some point, but they end up finding a really nice little unpolluted lake to swim in when they do. They run and grab Hunter and Null to go swimming, and it’s fun until Don shows up and bitches about how since his family is wealthier, it’s his and (I guess) Red’s private lake to swim in (it isn’t), and how if they don’t leave he’ll call the cops on them (he wouldn’t).

During this rant, Toth and Skout finally catch up to the boys, and seeing Don Paragon doing his usual BS, Toth simply picks him up and tosses him into the lake, getting his fancy bathrobe and slippers soaked.

Don goes OFF, but gets cut off when Skout, who’s stronger than she looks, picks up Red and tosses him in on top of Don. Everyone laughs (even Red, though he’s smart enough to hide it), before continuing with their swim (though Don still bitches the whole time).

Meantime, the parents aren’t doing much better. Ben and Anna start engaging in a sort of “Parent Contest” with Don Paragon’s folks, trying to insist that they’re cooler parents/have better kids.

Ben vs Don’s Dad is a lot more hostile/direct, while Anna vs Don’s Mom is a lot more passive aggressive and soccer mom-like.

Ben: “Oh, yer son’s got straight A’s? Well mine can fuckin’ backflip ‘n clap at the same damn time! How ya like dat, Michael!?”

Anna: “Aw, Karen, your son is such a sweet boy! :) Remember the time he made Hunter cry, so Skout threw him off a jungle gym? :)) They grow up so fast! :)))”

Meanwhile, Adrian and the Paragon family’s butler shoot the shit over some beers and ignore their companions’ bullshit.

Despite all of the arguing earlier, Don’s folks are convinced that Hunter and Don are best friends for some reason, so they insist on doing a huge family cookout, which everyone else begrudgingly agrees to, if only because Ben is excited about eating free “rich people food” (which Adrian reminds him isn’t all that better than middle class food, but whatever).

In short; El Rey (Adrian’s dog) eats a bunch of raw hotdogs and pukes them up in Anna’s purse, Skout and Toth almost kiss but Hunter accidentally ruins it by playing his guitar right next to them, Melinda keeps sneaking punches at Don when no one’s looking because that bitch made her big bro cry a lot when he was younger, Ben accidentally sets his poncho on fire, and Null, Santi, and Jethro all get food poisoning from Adrian’s under-cooked hamburgers.

At one point, Nomad (Hunter’s cat) runs off after hearing a loud bang from the woods. At this point, it’s really late at night, and Nomad is a black cat, so no one can find him. Hunter goes into hysterics, as Nomad is his closest friend/therapy cat, so after all the parents go to bed, the teens agree to put aside their differences and go to find Nomad.

Don, of course, makes it about himself and insists he’ll find the cat first, and when he does, he expects Hunter (he makes a mean joke about Skout needing to do it for him) to give him a sincere thank you, and then an apology for his family’s horrid behavior towards him! With that, he storms off, Red Manuel hot on his heels but looking a bit... frustrated? How very weird.

Hunter is so freaked out, he just starts running through the woods looking for Nomad, but luckily for him, Melinda can keep up with him. She’s trying to get him to go back to the campsite, as he’s too worked up to be looking for Nomad, and after trying and failing to talk him into listening to her, Melinda simply sits down and fake-sobs, saying she’s scared. Snapped out of it by big brother instincts, Hunter picks her up and takes her back to camp to wait with her until someone finds Nomad.

Seeing as the Three Amigos are as sick as El Rey was earlier (oh dear god, did Anna flip about the puke in her purse), it’s up to Skout, Toth, Don, and Red to find Nomad.

Toth and Skout use the time to talk in privacy, discussing future plans and how this trip has gone. Skout is embarrassed, worried that Toth hated this trip/hates her family, while Toth is convinced she made a bad impression on Skout’s parents. It’s a bit awkward, but they manage to convey their worries to each other and have them reassured away.

During this moment, they end up in a nice little clearing with dandelions sprouting everywhere. Skout laughs, and says something about how although she thinks the Dandy Lion mascot at school is dumb, she’s always loved dandelions. Toth, in response, plucks the largest one and braids it into Skout’s hair.

Skout’s Honor finally gets their fucking kiss, since up until now it’s kept almost happening, but due to public embarrassment/awkwardness, they’ve held back. Now though, away from everyone, they get enough privacy to have their first ever kiss.

Of course, it doesn’t last long before Red Manuel pokes his head through the trees and asks what tf they’re doing. Both girls go scarlet, insisting it was nothing, while Red simply cackles.

Toth goes to punch him in the jaw, but stops mid-swing when Red, in a panic, holds up Nomad to stop her.

Both Toth and Skout are baffled, surprised that Red managed to catch Nomad. Toth, who’s never much liked Red, asks why tf he’s not trying to use Nomad as leverage over them, or better yet, why didn’t he give Nomad to Don so he could use the cat to bully Hunter some more.

For the first time ever, Red seems genuinely upset with Don, and vents to the couple that Don Paragon’s been an asshole to him the entire trip, and only brought him along to make himself look good in front of his parents. He goes on to say that Don ordered him not to talk in front of his folks, and although Red hated the very idea, he agreed because it was better than staying at home with his mom all summer.

Skout grows concerned immediately, and tries to ask about Red’s mom, but he clams up, insisting that Skout just take her brother’s dumb cat (who seems to really like Red) because he doesn’t want to listen to Hunter freak out anymore.

After Hunter is finally reunited with Nomad, he’s absolutely ecstatic, hugging his cat while dancing around with joy. Once Skout tells him that Red Manuel found Nomad, Hunter doesn’t hesitate to run and hug him. Red obviously enjoys the affection, but he tries to play it off nonetheless.

Don eventually finds out that Nomad was found, and freaks tf out about how he was supposed to find him, and that he was supposed to get an apology, dammit!

Toth fucking snaps, telling Don straight up that he’s a piece of shit and should just be happy that Nomad got found, to which Don says pointblank that he wishes Nomad had gotten eaten by a bear, if only so he could see that “R-slur mute’s” face when he found the cat’s remains. Hunter starts crying, horrified by the mental imagery, while Don laughs at him, calling Hunter a pussyboy for crying. Red Manuel, in his rage at his so-called friend’s terrible behavior, punches Don in the dick.

Don is Surprised Pikachu Face(TM), because what tf is Red doing? He’s supposed to be Don’s little yes-man! Tbh, everyone is shocked, and Red finally loses his shit, shouting that Don is an awful fucking friend, and that he resents even knowing him.

((Me? Craving a future Red Manuel Redemption Arc(TM) almost as much as Season 2 of NoN? It’s more likely than you think.))

By now, the parents start waking up, and Don’s dad asks his son what’s going on. Smirking, and with his back turned to his father, Don says that Red is going to be going home with Hunter’s family, as he believes he’s about to strand Red in the wilderness as payback.

Red is freaked out, and makes to beg for Don’s forgiveness, when Skout outright confirms that yes, Red is coming with them, because Red is their friend!

Don is shocked again, but his parents just shrug and tell everyone to go back to bed. Adrian and Ben (the only ones who woke up, because Anna’s a heavy sleeper) are confused, but when Skout tells them that Red needs a ride later, they just shrug and say something like “Eh, what’s one more fucking kid?”

Red is nervous as fuck the next morning, still reeling over what he said to Don, but everyone (even the Three Amigos, who are all still pretty sick) assure him that he did the right thing.

Ben, Anna, and Adrian agree to pack up a bit early that morning, on account of the Paragon family terrorizing them, the Three Amigos getting sick, and almost losing Nomad. However, to make up for the short and crazy trip, they offer to host a slumber party at their house for all the teens, which everyone is on-board with.

Red’s a bit hesitant to agree, and says they can just drop him off near his place and he can leave them be, but Ben, sensing the kid’s anxiety, assures him that he’s welcome to stay with them for the night. After Skout tells him the same thing (with Hunter nodding in agreement), Red agrees, and has an awesome time with everyone!

At the start of the next school year (sophomore year/10th grade), Red Manuel goes back to hanging out with Don Paragon, but he’s noticeably less mean to the twins, and even gets caught helping Hunter pick up his books a few times when Don knocks them out of his hands in the hall.

Sorry, this kinda ended up as more of an “I love Red Manuel, or at least, my characterization of him” rant, but oh well, I hope y’all like my dumb rambling anyways!

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 310

♫ side-quest ep! side-quest ep! totally worthwhile side-quest ep! ♫

(Being mostly sarcastic there, but ffs I’ve been singing it to the tune of the Spider-Man song since Saturday night and how do I make it stop...)

As a standalone thing, this was an entertaining hour of television. I’m always here to watch Claire go full Beauchamp and be badass. (I am hardcore just leeching on to the parts of this episode that I liked because dammit I’m sick of not liking most things.) As part of the season as a whole though, I have a lot of similar issues as I had last week. Except this time instead of the characters acting like they’d skipped an episode’s worth of development, it’s like why are we spending an episode this close to the end of the season on a side-quest where the only important thing that happens is finding out that Jamie’s two identities have been connected. (Yes, I know that the answer is “the book” but *puts on broken record* it’s an adaptation, they can change things.)

But whatever. I need to just proactively keep my expectations low and just enjoy episodes as individual units because apparently thinking of them as a whole season makes me roll my eyes.

Fergus with his gift for Marsali is adorable. But why does Jamie need to come off like such a dick when he asks Fergus what his business is with the cook? I’d really like to like Jamie again, show. Just sayin’.

For real though, smitten!Fergus is my favorite.

Why does Jamie act surprised that Claire is still on the Porpoise? Like he’d know if she was back on the Artemis. So where else would she be?

Where was all this passion and need to protect Claire when she’d actually been attacked in ep. 307? Because in the aftermath of that he was just a dick and didn’t bother to ask if she was ok. Cool that Jamie only acts like he gives a shit about Claire’s well-being when she’s not there.

Midshipman Fetus standing up for Claire is my everything. And Claire scolding him for licking his finger is also my everything. Basically everything with Claire and Midshipman Fetus is my everything.

Ok but the kid who plays Midshipman Fetus is named Albie and that is the most adorable name for the most adorable kid. And for real, bless the casting wizards because this dude is like a little heart-eyed puppy who follows Claire around like “don’t you dare mess with my mom.” He’s perfect.

For real though, Claire’s face when she’s like owning Mr. Overholt. Like I don’t have time for your shit, rando. Just do what I tell you. #BAMF But then her face when she’s looking over the deck of sick men and is like fuck, I can’t save all of them and is very much aware of the limits of what she can do. Basically 90% of my thoughts while watching this episode were just “omg look at Claire’s face.” I’m *rull* eloquent like that.

*throws awards at said face, just for good measure*

Seriously though. It’s so nice to finally see Claire being like listen up fives, a 10 is talking. Like yaaas queen.

And in things that aren’t shocking, it took her being away from certain dudes and their manpain for her to finally get to Kool Aid Man-style bust through the wall she built around herself and be like I’m Claire Elizabeth Motherfucking Beauchamp and I’m here to save your asses. *aggressively side-eyes a certain producer who keeps claiming that Claire needs to be defined by the men in her life*

“Just because it’s beyond *our* comprehension, Cosworth, doesn’t make it less voracious. We must believe her.” Yaaas, Captain Babyface. Am always here for people who respect Claire’s skill and knowledge.

“There’s more than disease aboard that ship, lad. There are 300 men.” Cool that Jamie understands that *men* are the source of the of sexual violence women face when Claire’s on the Porpoise, but when she was nearly raped all of three episodes ago, he was like meh, screw comforting my wife, I’m just going to tell Claire how everyone will just blame her and then go about my business.

“What good are you, you damn fool? I see I was right to withhold my blessing from you. Proves ye dinna ken what love is.” Ok, yes. Jamie is like freaking the fuck out. But jfc, you can freak the fuck out and not be a complete piece of shit to Fergus. Someone text me when Jamie isn’t a fucking asshole anymore because I’m *rull* over this.

“You would move heaven and earth. You would risk arrest and death. Even hell.” More big dramatic speeches for Jamie because clearly that’s all you need to redeem a character who was a dick for a few episodes but sorry, dude, you can speechify all you want, but your idea is still dumb and eventually your rational thought needs to come back and you need to fucking realize that. Like I get it. He’s desperate. He probably can’t survive losing Claire again. He definitely thinks that’s the case, anyway. But he’s also smart. He and Claire have been alternating rescuing each other for basically the entire series. So like dude. Stop. Take a fucking breath. Think about this for a second. Fergus is fucking right.

Although his face when he says “even hell” is so good because yeah, we all remember the way too unnecessarily graphic Wentworth episodes, dude.

“Until ye risk all, ye canna speak of love.” Nah, bro. That’s not how it works. Not every couple has to go through all the shit you and Claire went through so they can “earn” being able to say they love each other. (I don’t know why Jamie bugs me so much this half of the season that I’m like incapable of just going along with dialogue like this. Because like the show clearly wants me to think it’s all dramatic and romantic and shit. I’m apparently “watching it wrong” or something. Lol, no. Jamie’s just a fucking asshole. *eye roll at the thought that there’s a right or wrong way to watch something*)

Fergus, my dude, if Jamie’s going to say shit like this to you, maybe you should just say fuck his blessing and live your own damn life.

Midshipman Fetus’ face during the burial at sea. Omg I just want to give him a hug.

I love that Claire can’t even be bothered to tell Cosworth to fuck off. Like bro she’s so far out of your league she doesn’t even need to deign to acknowledge your bullshit with a response. Just the arms crossed lean on the rail with her face like broseph I know my value, who the fuck are you. You go, Peggy Carter Claire.

Oh the layers of Claire explaining what compartmentalizing is. Girl, you have a PhD in compartmentalizing...

“Begging your pardon, madam, but after three days of watching you at your work, I do not think much of it will come down to luck.” Midshipman Fetus is officially a member of the Claire Beauchamp Fan Club along with Ned, Fergus, Young Ian and YTC.

I’m over the rabbit shit, tbh. Like they’re trying too hard at this point. But it’s a super sweet gesture by Midshipman Fetus to give Claire the lucky charm his mom gave him.

Here for Claire dropping f-bombs and for Midshipman Fetus to just be like *heart eyes* about it. Right there with you, sir.

“Seamen will drink almost anything.” Same, tbh.

Cosworth is like the *one* antagonist dude in the series who doesn’t threaten Claire with sexual assault. All for there being conflict, but thanks for finally not making the threat of rape part of it, show. No brownie points for you for finally doing something you should have realized ages ago.

Like for real though. The bar is that low that in a crap scene that I’m still like omg but he didn’t try to rape her so they made progress and I should just move on. I don’t know why I bother with you sometimes, show.

Also seriously I keep typing Cogsworth and I’d like to apologize to the clock from Beauty and the Beast for that.

Oh so it’s Marsali helping Fergus in the credits. RIP hopes for a nice Claire and Fergus scene. Haven’t had one except the meeting on the street, have we? Le sigh. Maybe at the wedding? *lowers expectations because why should we have meaningful moments between characters we care about when we can have a whole episode about saving randos*

I really love Marsali. She reminds me a bit of Claire and I’d be so down if Fergus like told Jamie and Claire at some point that that’s part of why he likes her so much. Like not in a creepy way, obvi. *side-eyes some of Roger’s thoughts about Claire from the books* But like that she has the same strength and spirit.

Oh but then of course we get the Artemis’ crew talking about wanting to rape Marsali. Couldn’t make it through one episode, could you, show. Of course you couldn’t. Le sigh.

STOP SAYING MIDSHIPMAN FETUS LOOKS TIRED. HE’S FINE. HE’S TOTALLY OK AND WILL MAKE IT TO JAMAICA AND YOU WILL ADOPT HIM AND TELL JAMIE THAT HE GOT TO BRING HOME FERGUS SO YOU GET TO BRING HOME THIS FETUS CHILD AND EVERYONE WILL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

Claire in a bandana, threatening a man with a comically large knife is my aesthetic.

For real though. Claire is just as desperate to save Jamie here as Jamie was to save her. The difference is, Claire takes a fucking minute, thinks about it and is like nope. Killing this dude is not a good idea. Need to think of another plan. Take note, Jamie.

Claire’s face when she says Jamie didn’t kill the minty fresh corpse. [insert Mentos joke here] Although Claire, it’s not your fault. Like she’s clearly thinking omg I did the thing that Jamie might hang for and there’s a sense of guilt there. But Claire. You didn’t kill the guy. You tried to save him. It was Jamie who put him in the cask. It was Jamie’s smuggling that brought the dude to the brothel in the first place. It. Is. Not. Your. Fault.

Since we’re side-questing, because lol why not, I want a whole spinoff about Annekje and her goats shenaniganing their way around the world on ships.

Like her smile though when she’s like “my goats need grass” like she knows she has a good escape plan and the language barrier is not going to put her down. She’s fucking adorable and I heart her.

Fergus is so great in this episode. You’re a better man than Jamie, dude.

The scene when Elias dies kills me. Just Claire giving him that bit of comfort in thinking his mother is there. And her face because she couldn’t save him. And he’s just so young. And guys why is my face wet.

AND SHE GIVES HIM BACK HIS RABBIT FOOT AND WHY DO I HAVE FEELINGS.

Oh man, the shot of just his single body going into the sea is so much more powerful than the shot of the multiple ones from earlier.

Bless for Captain Babyface trying to comfort Claire and give her due credit while recognizing her loss. The Babyfaces on this show, both Lt. and Capt., are so great.

Sort of side-eyeing Claire for not getting what Annekje meant earlier, but whatever. Also why so many VOs in this ep. Stahp. For real though, the way she reassures Claire that she’ll care for the sick when Claire leaves is so good. So like Claire leaves knowing she’s not breaking her oath.

Speaking of oaths...they are pesky little things, aren’t they. For real, I love Capt. Babyface. Like even when he’s a threat to Jamie, and therefore my girl Claire’s happiness, I can’t help but like him.

Oh look. Jamie’s looking at the pictures of Bree. Cool that he thinks of her when he’s by himself but when he’s with Claire all he does is insult Bree, use her to hurt Claire like a certain other doucherocket did and acknowledge that Claire misses her but doesn’t offer any similar sentiments of his own so Claire’s basically feeling like she’s going through missing Bree alone. (A hug is nice, but not the same as a comforting word to Claire about your daughter, dude. Since you have yet to say basically anything nice about Bree that you didn’t then immediately contradict when you were in a pissy mood.)

“What Fergus did, he did for you.” “If you believe that, you dinna deserve to be let out of here.” PREACH, MARSALI. FUCKING PREACH.

I love Marsali so much. I love Fergus so much. I am Fersali trash and I am 1000% ok with that.

For real though, Jamie, I get you were desperate and shit, but you’re also not an idiot. Fucking take a minute and realize that Fergus basically saved your ass from your damn self. The guy is fucking great and you are a fucking asshole. #SorryNotSorry

“You’ll need to prove yourself to her as much as to me.” Jamie. Wtaf is wrong with you. Fergus is a fucking good dude. Marsali is a good woman. They fucking love each other and each fucking know how much the other loves them. There was never any reason why they shouldn’t have gotten your blessing except that you were being a twat. Not that they even need your blessing. It’s a gesture of respect that I’m honestly not sure you’re worthy of at the moment. But wait, I forgot that you’re not a dick anymore apparently and everything’s fine, it’s all forgotten and totally ok now. (For real, I really want to like Jamie again. I’m just...struggling.)

Lol, Jamie calling Fergus “mon fils” is like the equivalent of saying a romantic book line to Claire in that it seems like the show thinks that makes everything he’s done ok.

Ok but for serious. Give Annekje her own show. She’s like so self-assured and like yeah, I totally know that this ridic thing will work because I *actually know shit about the sea*. SHE’S SO COOL AND I WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH HER.

The JHRC’s always sound so forced. This one is no exception.

And we end on a cliffhanger. Again. Because of course we do.

But whatever. Next week we get tan, sea soaked Claire. Which does things for me. So since I’m basically just here for Claire at this point, bring on jungle shenanigans and here’s hoping the crazy fucking priest is slightly less crazy than he was in the book and they cut a bunch of the random shit when Claire’s at his house... Because fuck it, if I’m drunk enough the ridiculousness is silly enough to justify watching. I guess.