#i reference this SO often and all other queer star trek fans get it even if they have never read this passage bc he simply IS a beautiful

[hawkeyefrommash]

"I am also firmly of the belief that Captain James T. Kirk was, and is, at every age and in every incarnation, a beautiful lesbian; I fear that now I will be called upon to explain myself and that I will be unable to do so. I can only repeat myself with increasing fervor: James T. Kirk is a beautiful lesbian, do not ask me any follow-up questions. Like Goldwater, in your heart you know I'm right. There is plenty of stupid, surface level evidence I could marshal forth in defense of my argument -- people criticized Shatner for his weight, and women are often criticized for their weight; Shatner was beautiful in a way that women are generally beautiful; James T. Kirk lives with her longterm girlfriend (Spock) and her ex-girlfriend (Bones) in a benevolent feelings-and-sex triad and generally observed the campsite rule when it came to bringing short-term partners around; James T. Kirk is vulnerable and anxious and riddled with sincerity and in love with her car; James T. Kirk wears motorcycle boots and seems to spend a lot of time on her hair, doesn't want kids and rereads Dickens and doesn't feel comfortable showing her feelings in front of anyone she's known less than ten years but that doesn't mean she won't do it -- but those things aren't really what make James T. Kirk a beautiful lesbian, I don't think."

from chapter 'Captain James T. Kirk Is a Beautiful Lesbian, and I'm Not Sure Exactly How to Explain That', Something That May Shock And Discredit You by Daniel Lavery

[rachelgreyisgay]

My Stupid Rachel Headcanons

1. kate called rachel sweet girl in 811, and when rachel was brought to 616 she started calling kitty sweet girl and now it’s their term of endearment

2. rachel likes milfs

3. rachel wears her hound uniform but in red bc mojo used it against her...she wants to reclaim it and have that uniform associated with good so that no one can use it against her again

4. i have this scene in my head where brian and rachel are butting heads and brian is trying to get a rise out of her and rachel goes “i don’t have to prove that i have a bigger dick than you, i already know”....blah blah blah something about rachel not having a big dick and then, after thinking through how mad it would make brian, “...that’s not what your sister said” like a petty little bitch

5. rachel only feels like she’s home on three occasions: when she’s in kitty’s arms, when she has the phoenix, and when she’s among the stars

6. rachel unronically wears cargo shorts

7. kitty made her wear that stupid cape that one time, and she only agreed bc kitty designed it for her

8. rachel drinks orange juice straight out of the carton

9. all of rachel's things can fit in a duffel bag. and she doesn't like unpacking that duffel bag.

10. rachel hasn’t slept through the night since she was a child and she often gets up in the middle of the night and eats. this brings about many late-night conversations with other x-men

11. rachel may be on decent terms with logan, but she constantly reminds him that he tried to kill her

12. “you kiss my mother with that mouth??” being said to logan

13. the word “bub” is in rachel’s vocabulary because of logan

14. kitty left piotr at the altar bc subconsciously she knows she loves rachel ARGUE WITH THE WALL

15. i legitimately can’t remember what comic this is from but everyone was supposed to be wearing red and someone asked kitty “where’s your red?” and i can’t remember what kitty said, but idc she said “at home” and she 100% was talking about rachel

16. RACHEL. ADORES. HOPE. this woman has spent her whole life yearning for a family and you’re gonna tell me she didn’t jump all over the fact that she has a niece?? smells like bullshit

17. rachel’s strap is red, duh

18. rachel didn’t know to land in london after escaping mojo, she just hoped really hard she’d make it home. and somehow that brought her to the exact place kitty was

19. rachel calls jp “boober” only because it pisses him off

20. franklin is rachel’s beard. she needed companionship in the camps and there weren’t many ppl to pick from. she does love franklin, but in the way that she loves kurt. not in the way she loves women.

21. rachel has trouble differentiating between romantic and platonic feelings. this is why she confuses her feelings for kurt and franklin. she’s never been shown consistent support and affection from the people she considers friends, so she thinks that when others do that for her it must be romantic

22. rachel is a massive nerd. major star trek and star wars fan. she definitely made kitty and kurt dress up as luke, leia, and han with her.

23. rachel keeps threatening kitty with the idea of shaving her head. kitty is convinced they’re empty threats. they are not.

24. rachel definitely had a crush on illyana. but she also had intense feeling of wanting to be her.

25. rachel gets fucking bent whenever nathan refers to her as his little sister.

26. way way way in the future kitty and rachel head their own team and they go by captain grey and captain pryde...needless to say most of the team is queer.

27. “is that my mom or your mom?”

“does it matter?”

“it matters. my mom never tried to fuck our dad’s brother.”

28. even when she’s not the phoenix host, she keeps her close by wearing phoenix inspired jewelry. a necklace. and arm cuff. a single dangly earring. an ear cuff.

29. rachel has issues with being physically affection to most people.

30. rachel doesn’t like when people touch her without her consent. especially her neck and torso.

31. rachel made a telepathic bond with kitty just like she did with nathan, but she often regrets it bc she hates feeling how hurt kitty is when she can’t fix it.

32. rachel constantly wonders what about her makes so many men approach her and flirt with her. she’s a tall, muscular woman with a mullet who consistently dons massive spikes and mainly non-feminine clothing. what about her says she wants a man’s attention??

33. ray has major resting bitch face.

34. rachel has called brian a pig on many occasions.

35. john grey was the only member of her family that rachel felt really loved her as family.

36. rachel worked with hope prior to her becoming the phoenix bc scott is incompetent.

37. rachel can’t fucking cook (sorry babe) but at the same time, when she first came to 616 she was always hesitant to eat food others made for her.

38. rachel hates the feeling of being drunk. not having complete control of her body reminds her too much of how she was drugged as a hound.

39. but she is a stoner gay

40. rachel has experienced her mother dying multiple times. her bond to her mother transcends the multiverse. and somehow, it gets worse every time.

41. rachel refuses to have any biological children. she’d be open to adoption or her future partner using a surrogate, but honestly has no plans or urge to be a mother at the moment.

42. rachel is a fucking FLIRT.

43. rachel and ruby met and are best friends you can’t convince me otherwise.

44. although she doesn’t necessarily want children, rachel is actually pretty good with kids.

45. rachel hates cops.

46. rachel will always show up to an event dressed better than you (unless you’re emma. emma would win that competition)

47. i’m legitimately stuck between wanting rachel to have no genetic relation to scott and rachel having three biological parents. if she is related to scott, she has his eyes (this one is 100% stolen oop)

48. rachel threatens to snitch on remy to anna marie whenever he fucks up

49. rachel is fucking tough. but that doesn't mean she doesn't cry. she cries quite frequently because of how her emotions and trauma can overwhelm her.

50. rachel constantly wonders why she’s in 616. she originally thought it was her own fuck up, but the phoenix sent her there outside of her control. she feels like she has no purpose. but even still, she vows to keep fighting for mutantkind so they won’t suffer the same fate mutants did in her world. she never realizes that she did exactly that and that it was her purpose all along. if she never landed in 616, she never would’ve become mother askani, and nathan would’ve never lived to raise hope if rachel weren’t there. rachel was integral to bringing the mutant messiah to where she needed to be. and rachel hasn’t realized that she is doing more to protect mutantkind than most. she still feels lost.

51. rachel is a leftist. you want me to believe that she lived through a genocide and came out a centrist? bullshit.

52. this isn't even a headcanon bc she did it in excalibur but she braids her mullet when getting suited up and it looks like a rattail.

53. kitty and rachel 100% recreate that one picture of the women doing their makeup:

and it stars with kitty on top, but kitty can't do makeup for shit (still love you, though) so they switch and it sends kitty into a gay panic.

54. out of everyone in the summers-grey clan, nathan and rachel have the best bond and relationship. although it's not super lovey and affectionate outwardly, they always have each others' back and know they can rely on one another. and they bully the shit out of one another. that's what family is for.

55. fellow lesbian laura teases rachel about her crush on kitty all the time. they also go to gay bars together.

56. while rachel is a butch lesbian, she can rock a mini dress and heeled boots like nobody else (especially if they're leather). but she tends to wear a suit when attending formal events.

57. if she can wear big stompy boots, she will wear big stompy boots. bonus points if she can stomp on someone in them.

58. she loves the 80s. 80s movies. 80s fashion. 80s music. she also has a crush on joan jett.

59. rachel is constantly tucking kitty's hair behind her ears.

60. rachel absorbs the phoenix indefinitely, marries kitty, and fucks off to space and lives happily ever after.

[dgcatanisiri]

Tried to make a brief summary of the issues of Mass Effect Andromeda’s handling of queer men and how it relates to why we’re (broad use here) upset with the Legendary Edition failing to provide better representation than the originals, and it kinda turned in to what amounts to an open letter for BioWare.

So, what the heck, here it is.

A little personal background. I spent my high school life completely in the closet. After graduating, I had a new computer and the opportunity to play a new game. The game chosen was BioWare’s Jade Empire. Still a fairly recent release, and I was a big fan of Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic, also by BioWare. So, being a young gay man, still uncomfortable and uncertain of who I was, I was very excited when I got to play this game that would allow me to play a gay romance, a romance that featured two men. I burned through two playthroughs of the game within less than a week, enjoying that rush of acknowledgement that yes, gay guys could be the hero. It was a massive affirmation for me at the time, something that said that my sexuality was not going to prevent me from being the hero, which legitimately was a message that I felt like most media was giving me to that point, because gay men barely appeared in anything other than guest roles for an episode or two on a TV show, but certainly not in video games. That game, that experience... I’ve said for years that it had cemented me as a BioWare fan for life.

If I say that now, it is a statement with a few caveats.

The history of the failure of Mass Effect 1 and Mass Effect 2 to provide any male/male romances is well documented. I was excited, very eager to romance Kaidan Alenko in Mass Effect 3. But even then, I noticed that there were things that were lacking in the romance. It was noticeable, for instance, that the basic dialogue between male Shepard and female Shepard was unchanged, if either was starting a new romance with Kaidan. The thing that always felt... WRONG about that was that if I’d had the option to begin a romance with him in the first game, I would have. Yet there’s not even a bit of dialogue that even references that inability, no comment of “I didn’t think you were available,” or anything of the sort, nothing to say that, say, Shepard was interested in Kaidan at the time, but didn’t believe he’d be receptive, didn’t want to damage their friendship, something of the sort. There was even a cut in the romance scene, where female Shepard will sit in Kaidan’s lap before being lifted up and carried to the bed, but with male Shepard and Kaidan, just fades to black. And then in the Citadel DLC, while all the other pairings walked in to the casino arm in arm, male Shepard and Kaidan are leaving plenty of room between them. There’s also the absence of any cuddling as they return to the Normandy.

To say nothing of the lack of Steve Cortez during the story segments of Citadel – he is not part of the big team entrance to the apartment, just spontaneously appears in the lounge room. He doesn’t participate in the briefings, and he is not a casino date, despite being part of the assembled team. Cortez also suffers from the fact that his romance spends so much time on how he needs to move on from the death of his husband, Shepard can come across as predatory towards him, trying to push him out of his grief and his pants. Due to the lateness of his arrival in the story, in game three, as opposed to game one or two, there is significantly less time to establish him as a person – beyond his past as a pilot and the death of his husband, we gain almost no concept of his personality or personal history.

I bring all of this up to help set the stage of what was expected when Mass Effect Andromeda was nearing release. Mass Effect had been full of problems of representation of queer men specifically (not that they were perfect on the count of female/female relationships either, because there’s plenty to talk about there, but as I’m not a lesbian or bisexual woman, I don’t feel comfortable talking about their experiences for them). While there were flaws, Dragon Age, what is often considered Mass Effect’s sister franchise, HAD managed to provide male/male romances in every iteration of that franchise.

In fact, considering that Dragon Age’s most recent installment, Dragon Age Inquisition, had been put out with a lot of fanfare about the first gay male companion, who was considered rather popular in the fandom, and the game itself receiving the Game of the Year award that year, indicating that, if there was any risk in the business sense of providing representation of queer men, it was negligible at most in the bottom line of that game, the attitude of a lot of gay men in the lead up to Andromeda’s release was some variation of “okay, Mass Effect has been flawed, but BioWare’s learned from their past mistakes, and they’re coming off the heels of a hugely successful game that had a gay character whose gayness was front and center in his storyline... We can expect that things will be fine, and we don’t have to worry.” That was the dominant attitude I found in a lot of my queer-oriented spaces.

But we started getting uncomfortable as the developers remained cagey about romance options in Andromeda – there were Twitter responses to “we’re concerned about Mass Effect’s history of gay representation, we would like to know about the options” that came out as “we checked and yep! They’re there!” These responses came across as flippant and even tone-deaf – the reason that the question was being asked was because of prior failures to be included, and not simply a desire to get all the details before launch.

As the trailers started coming out, the questions continued from the fans, and the response from the developers... continued to be uncomfortable. When asked directly for a listing of romances prior to release, the response was that the developers wanted players to learn as they played, that “the fun is in experiencing it!” This was a specific response when it was learned that the romance options could be flirted with regardless of orientation, but they would shut it down. Despite the fact that the trailers DID include content from certain romances – specifically, the male Ryder/Cora and male Ryder/Peebee romances.

This was uncomfortable for a lot of queer players like myself because it spoke to a lack of consideration of what it is like to be queer. In many places, it is a serious question of safety to even put yourself out there to find a partner, to flirt with someone openly unless you are already certain that there is a chance for a positive response. There are places where a queer person flirting with the wrong person can get them harassed, assaulted, even killed for doing so. Even in the safety of a virtual construct of video games, these are honed instincts that queer people have developed. And no matter how many times we would say this to the developers, no one seemed to understand. Likewise, the fact that the trailers felt free to show off heterosexual romances, but not queer ones felt... questionable.

Then, finally, firm details started coming out, and... There were problems. Early data-mining said that there was an even split of romances between orientations. But there was a bit of discomfort around the reveal that the gay characters, Suvi and Gil, were limited to the ship, rather than being companions who would accompany Ryder on missions. There is a history of companions being given more involved storylines and involvement than secondary characters. It also didn’t help the disappointment from queer people who’d been eager for Cora or Liam as romances, who were firmly established as straight (Cora herself had a popular lesbian following).

That discomfort increased when it came out further that, ACTUALLY, Jaal would not be available for Male Ryder. This caused a lot of upset. Now it was a case where there was NO M/M squadmate romance option. This on top of the group of fans who were uncomfortable with the idea that, in a sci-fi series, gay men couldn’t romance an alien, while this had become a staple of the series, considering Liara, the character from a species described as equivalent to Star Trek green-skinned Orion girls, had been available for straight men and lesbian/bi women from ME1, and straight women got in on the act with Garrus and Thane in ME2, on top of straight men also getting Tali.

This got worse when the achievement listing for the game was released and there was an achievement for “romancing three different characters.” Meaning that it was absolutely impossible for a gay man to play the game and get this achievement without playing a sexuality other than his own.

This is why I led with my experience with Jade Empire, why it was so affirming to me. Because to hear all this, ten years later, to see what had been so affirming to me a decade prior be functionally dismissed, be shown to take a secondary position at best... It hurt.

And the game proper did not help that feeling at all.

So first we meet Gil Brodie. Engineer of the Tempest. One of the first things we learn about him is that he has a close friendship with a woman named Jill. And then he immediately tells us that one) she is a fertility specialist, and two) she “says [he’s] part of the problem” because he won’t have kids the natural way. This is immediately setting off red flags to me – I can think of plenty of my friendships where we give one another grief for various things, but I would never think of introducing any of them to someone else with that fact. So my reflexive thought in this situation is “what kind of a friend is this really?”

And then, as the game goes on... This is the only thing that Gil’s conversations involve, the prospect of having kids. We do not learn much more about him, just have him talking about considering the idea. The lock-in for his romance requires Ryder to meet Jill, who Gil again says that she will talk his ear off about his “civic duty” to reproduce, a fact that makes those earlier red flags wave higher and more furiously, because who DOES that to a total stranger? And this is passed off as being “charming.” This leads to the culmination of the romance, where Gil says that Jill has decided she wants to get pregnant and she wants Gil to be the dad.

There’s... A LOT going on here, so let me work through this. First, one of the few things Gil says as a bit of establishing his character is that he is impulsive, that he joined the Andromeda Initiative, the journey from the Milky Way galaxy to the Andromeda galaxy without really thinking through what it would mean, that it was a one-way journey with no way to back out once he’d gotten there. So this is already saying to me that this is not a person who really SHOULD be a parent, at least at this point in his life.

We also get a couple of emails from him in-game that paint him as putting in thirty-six hour workdays into the engines on the Tempest, that he cares about and puts a lot of time into those engines. So when I think about him as a father, I see him having to give up something he’s deeply passionate about to do it, because the Tempest is certainly no place to raise a child – they can’t exactly put a playpen in the cargo hold, for example.

This would be one of the first things that I would think of as a discussion element, but... it’s not there. All that we get is a couple of casual comments about how Gil should know that bringing a child into the world is a big thing, something that shouldn’t be done lightly. But this is framed as Ryder questioning Gil’s fitness to be a parent at all, rather than questioning if he’s thinking this through and having considered this enough to be ready to take on this responsibility, or if it’s even something that he even wants.

Because that’s the other big thing here – this is not Gil’s idea. This is not something that he makes clear is his desire. No, it’s Jill who has decided that she wants to get pregnant and use Gil’s sperm. For all that he matters in this whole thing, he might as well be a turkey baster. He’s basically an accessory in his own story, because he goes in to this with all the passion of a math equation: “The Andromeda Initiative is a colonization effort. Therefore, the idea is to have babies. Therefore, I should find some way to reproduce.” This isn’t him having a passion or desire to have kids, just it being “something you do.”

This is, genuinely, a failure to understand the character who was being written. Gil’s writing reeks of having been written by someone who does not know what they are talking about. There is an element to the gay experience that is not innate but learned. When we realize that having children is not a thing that will just happen, that if we want this to happen, it will require a lot of additional steps, there are many who will simply say “this isn’t for me, this is more work than I’m willing to put in to for this.”

Now, Gil could have been someone who had decided it was worth it, but that butts up against the idea of him being impulsive, that he doesn’t think things through. There is no time given to focusing on the reason he decides this is the right choice for him, to the point that many players felt that this was not Gil’s decision but something that Jill was pushing, that she expected him to jump on her command. Because we have so little of Gil, as a character and an individual, but plenty of him talking up her, this “friendship” feels toxic to many.

Just about everyone I have ever spoken with about Gil is deeply uncomfortable that literally, the only way that he will not have a child at this point is if a romanced Ryder stops him – if I am playing a game where I don’t romance him, I actively just stop interacting with him at a certain point so that this never comes up, because this does not come across as happy. It comes across as forcing a gay man into a heteronormative experience to satisfy some traditional idea of “man and woman, raising kids.”

And, as the cherry on top, if you do tell Gil that you’re not comfortable having kids – a very real thing, whether gay or straight – then, unlike other romances, Gil and Ryder do not share a kiss at the finale of the game. And, during the last conversations on Meridian, the only thing Gil even brings up is Jill being pregnant, whether or not it’s his child.

This is what “representation of gay men” amounted to in Mass Effect Andromeda. A homophobic story that was about a gay experience written by someone who is not a part of this community and does not know or understand the experience personally, going through the motions of development when really, all that is cared about is the end result. To say that most of the gay men I know who have played this game find this homophobic is to undersell the point.

It doesn’t help that, of all the Tempest romances, Gil also clocks in with the least amount of romance exclusive material – a few flirts, the romance lock in and scene, and being able to stop Gil from having kids. Other than that, his friendship and his romance are virtually identical.

Speaking of, the romance scene consists of a make out session that fades to black, before coming back in with Ryder and Gil, shot from about shoulders up, briefly wrapping up their conversation that preceded the fade to black. This is noteworthy when the heterosexual romances between Ryder and their human love interests, as well as Peebee and Jaal, the former having a similar body model to naked human women, just blue, and Jaal, who is naked at other points in the game, have much more involved romance scenes – Cora’s in specific received special attention.

All of this, individually, may have just been reflective of time crunch and other external pressures – we all understand the realities of game development, that for all the ambitions that go in, when the deadlines are nearing, something has to give. But taken collectively... The kindest question is to ask why all of the “give” happened in regards to the gay man?

The end result with Gil honestly feels like he was written in response to the bad faith arguments that had come up in the period after the name for the game was revealed and it was made clear that the game would follow a colonization effort. There were a contingent of people who said that “there shouldn’t be gay people coming along, a colonization effort needs to reproduce.” This is a bad faith argument from homophobes, trying to justify why they don’t want gay people in “their” games. In answering their question, the question they only “ask” in order to explain why they don’t want to have gay people in the game without saying that, it comes across as catering the gay content for a heterosexual audience. It should go without saying that this is a bad position to take.

So, that’s Gil. What about Reyes? Well, Reyes himself is bound to a single planet, which, again, points to a minimizing of how much content he will even get, since his content can only be accessed on this single planet. Likewise, Reyes, as a character, is someone who falls in to several old, tired tropes with regards to bisexual men – he is a shady, untrustworthy character, in this instance literally a criminal, meant to be evocative of the “dashing rogue” archetype. This is a characterization that has often been BioWare’s go-to with regards to bisexual men, because we see this archetype drawn on in Jade Empire’s Sky, Dragon Age Origins’ Zevran, Dragon Age 2’s Anders, and even elements exist in Dragon Age Inquisition’s Dorian (even if he is a gay man). It’s a well that BioWare has frequently tapped when it comes to a romance option for queer men, to the point that it starts to feel like BioWare in general believes that this IS what queer men are.

There’s also the questionable portrayal of Reyes that leads to a description of the trope “the depraved bisexual,” an explicitly bisexual character who uses sex and sexuality as a manipulative tool, that they treat others as simply there to be their toys. Over in Dragon Age Inquisition, one of the romance options was specifically NOT made bisexual in order to avoid this trope, but Reyes himself seems to be a candidate for that trope all the same.

All this, and, again, the romance options for gay men were unequal to those for everyone else. This prompted the campaign #MakeJaalBi – Jaal was, notably, the character initially assumed to be the bisexual male companion, and on release, his romance was heterosexual exclusive. But datamining revealed that there was code for him to be romanced by male Ryder. Indeed, on release, it was noteworthy that Jaal could not even be flirted with by male Ryder. Liam had a distinct turndown for male Ryder, a couple of them, depending on when Ryder flirts with him. Jaal had no such turndown.

And this worked. BioWare released the patch for Andromeda that gave Jaal a bisexual romance. However, this was the only change that Mass Effect Andromeda received in regards to the issues of the romances before support for the game ended. While it was seen as an improvement, it was also questioned why this was the only change, when... Well, I spent the better part of two pages outlining the problems of Gil’s portrayal.

(I feel I would be remiss to not mention there was also a character, Hainley Abrams, who would, upon interacting with her, proceed to deadname herself to Ryder, as if that is the only way to establish that a transgender person is trans. This was also changed in a patch after the trans community complained, and, in conjunction with the above, led more than a few people to wonder if the Andromeda script had been looked over by any queer sensitivity readers, given the earlier issues with Gil. This does go out of the scope of everything else in this discussion, but it is worth mentioning.)

When Mac Walters says players will talk about how Shepard is each of theirs, that every individual player approaches Shepard as being “their” Shepard, he isn’t wrong. He says the characters, and the relationships we have with the characters is the heart and soul of the series, he isn’t wrong. And yet... When I play the trilogy, my heart and soul are being torn apart, because I do not get to see myself in the trilogy. I am not there in this story, at least for two thirds of the way. And in that third that I am there, I feel like I am cared about less than my counterparts who are heterosexual.

The idea that “making” characters available for same sex romance changes them is like saying that there is some inherent difference in a person because of their sexualities. While it’s true that the experiences of queer people does offer different perspectives on matters, it does not fundamentally alter the person, the individual that we are. It does not change our heart and soul. Restoring the bisexuality of characters like Jack, Jacob, Ashley, Thane, or Tali is not changing who they are. Making Kaidan bisexual in ME3 did not change who he was, and restoring a romance between him and male Shepard in ME1 would not change him either.

Every game has some cut content surrounding queer content specifically, and a great deal of that content is specifically for gay players like myself. I said at the beginning that I once thought of myself as a BioWare fan for life, but that now comes with caveats. The caveats are pretty simple – while the games produced by BioWare once felt affirming, now they feel like they’re only grudgingly allowing me to be there. That if I must be there, I should just take the scraps I’m given and be content with that, rather than being treated as an equal.

I like to think that this is not the message that the people at BioWare wish to impart to their players. I like to believe BioWare’s statements of wanting to be an inclusive and welcoming environment for their players, regardless of gender, race, sexuality, orientation, whatever identity and label one chooses. But based on the experience of the last four games, of the Legendary Edition perpetuating the homophobia of over a decade ago... I have a hard time believing that.

BioWare games once made me feel like I was equal to the straight heroes across my media. Unfortunately, I don’t feel that way about their games anymore. Not when, after having the opportunity to restore the bisexuality of Kaidan – of multiple characters, really – in the Legendary Edition, I am still being told that offering representation for people like me is something that only comes grudgingly.

And if that’s what I see now... What does it say about what the future of the franchise will offer? If every game in this series involves fighting for content that, in particular, heterosexual players will see offered as the rule, what motivates me to want to continue to be invested and involved in this franchise?

[qwertyfingers]

we know that bobby only watched ds9 and dean watched the tos movies for sure which implies he's seen tos as well (plus he calls jack spock). so what do you think everyone's favorite trek is? sam is without a doubt a tng fan first and foremost. i think out of all tos movies cas prefers the wrath of khan because he Feels Things when kirk and spock do the ta'al through the glass. charlie has definitely seen some trek (we've seen her llap), do you think she's into tos first and foremost? anyway let's talk about star trek nights in the bunker.

OKAY SO I HAVE. MANY MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS. SORRY THIS IS SO LONG.

like. like of COURSE bobby only likes ds9 of course he does i could have told you this without the show becuase like. bobby is That Bitch. i think rufus will have watched TOS at least because leonard nimoy worked hard on linking jewish faith and practices into the vulcan lore and i think that would mean something to him. bobby will catch rufus smiling at him sometimes while they’re watching ds9 and ask him what all gruffly and rufus will smirk at him and say something about sisko with jake and bobby with dean and bobby will just cough and take a swig of whiskey and rufus will raise his eyebrows but let it slide. rufus definitely makes a comment once about dean&cas being like jake&nog that totally flies over dean’s head but bobby is all knowing eyebrow raise about.

i think cas and jack would really like discovery. while it has some issues with inconsistency, pacing, being a little dark, it also does better than the other TV treks at utilising the nature of film as a medium to instill a sense of wonder, at space and the world, and that’s something they’d really appreciate. i have my own issues with disco, but an obol for charon is as close to the central core of trek that disco ever gets. cas and jack also like that one in particular because they like listening to all the different languages being spoken. they all love michael (everyone loves michael). cas’ faves are stamets and reno because they’re mean and gay, jack’s fave is tilly because she’s excitable and bright and he latches onto that. dean likes reno because she’s got spunk. sam’s fave is airiam and he will never forgive them for killing her off. sam, cas and dean all feel an uncomfortable kinship with both ash and culber - they’ve both been the one with monster teeming under the surface, controleld by something not themself, but they’ve also all spent that time in hell/purgatory, separated from everyone they love.

thinking about episodes that would really get to them all, darmok is. THE ONE. i have a whole unfinished essay about darmok as the platonic ideal of star trek; the perfect distillation of everything trek is SUPPOSED to be about. it doens’t always get there but by god it tries! that speech michael gives in the disco s2 finale - “There's a whole galaxy of people out there who will reach for you. You have to let them. Find that person who seems farthest from you and reach for them.” - that’s what darmok is about!!! it’s all about a situation where real communication seems impossible, where everything we know about talking and learning has broken down. and picard says, okay, i will find another way. i can’t relate to you, you can’t relate to me, but by god i’m going to try. we all meet people we have trouble communicating with in our lives, and often, those people will not care about changing their own ways to accommodate us. for people with autism, adhd, psychosis, the list goes on, this is a very common occurrence. it’s exhausting and frustrating and alienating. darmok is all about crossing that barrier. about reaching for someone through a world of difficulty and learning how to talk. learning how to share something with someone who seems out of our reach. it’s beautiful, it’s heartwrenching, it means more to me than i can easily put into words! 

anyway i think the bunker fam would experience a lot of emotions watching it together. there’s defintiely a lot of hugging eachother, sam cries a lot and won’t look at anyone until after the episode ends. jack just asks a lot of questions and talks about his progress learning sign language with cas. dean snakes his hand into cas’ halfway through and doesn’t let go. doesn’t show the emotion on his face, but he clutches harder at the emotional beats. cas runs his fingers through jack’s hair and thinks a lot, and decides not to say anything unless dean talks first. its just a Lot for everyone. 

dean def makes them marathon all the TOS and TNG movies. it’s an experience everyone needs at least once. i think you’re right about cas and TWOK with the ta’al through the glass, but also ‘this simple feeling’ and the hand hold would make him feel crazy. bones being the one that spock entrusts with his katra DEF makes dean feel some type of way because as much as destiel is kirkspock-coded, dean IS bones, and seeing spock trust bones so completely despite how at odds they were when they first knew eachother would dig deep into dean’s psyche and make him more than a little bit nutso. the movies are way too long for jack so he mostly sits and plays animal crossing while they watch and looks at the screen when everyone else gasps or when something exciting is happening that holds his attention for a while. sam’s fave is nemesis precisely because it’s terrible and he loves how camp it is.

dean has definitely seen all of trek. i refuse to believe someone who watches as much tv and films as dean wouldn’t sit and watch the whole shebang. i think he’s probably seen TOS and the TOS movies more than the others because its easier than sitting through 7 seasons, but i think rather than that being his favourite he’d just have really strong opinions about the best episodes of each one? like if you asked him what his favourite is he’d say you can’t answer that because they’re all so different from eachother

VOY - bride of chaotica, non seqitur, macrocosm for the favourite episodes. seven, janeway and tuvok would be his favourite characters. he think toms a bit of a knob but also feels a kinship with him for the similar brand of bab dad-ism but he wouldn’t be able to put that into words. he’s also a fierce defender of threshold being a good episode (he’s right for that)

DS9 - our man bashir it’s our man bashir. he doesn’t dislike ds9 but its very plot heavy and he didn’t care for it when he was younger. rewatching it after living through multiple supernatural wars he’d probably appreciate it more. i know for a fact he cries every time there’s an episode about sisko being a good dad. jadzia and garak are his faves

TNG - he LOVES q. he also absolutely will not be caught dead referencing how much loves q after cas comes into his life because sam will do the little brotherly knowing eyebrow raise at him and he will die of embarrassment. he regularly references ‘there are four lights’ because he’s a fucking nerd. he has made cas watch elementary my dear data and fistful of datas a half dozen times each at LEAST. cas KNEW how dean was going to be about the cowboy hat he’s defintiely got into full cowboy getup at home just for watching movies and in cas’ head star trek is fully to blame.

TOS - oh there are so many good TOS eps to choose from. obv he loves most of the series becuase TOS has MANY banger eps, his favourites are probably like. mirror mirror, amok time (baby dean defintiely had some kind of crisis watching it for the first time; i know the rituals are intricate). i know deep in my bones that dean watched the conscience of the king (introduction of the tarsus iv massacre) once and then spent his entire teenage years writing fic about that in his head, whether he posted it or not. dean related too much to those experiences of shared hunger. city on the edge of forever is one of everyone’s faves for a reason (and i’m STILL mad we never got a closer take on that episode in spn it could have been so fun). 

ENT - he definitely thinks enterprise is stupid and he’s not wrong but he has also definitely watched it and been very repressed about the whole thing. mans was like oh i feel a kinship with malcolm reed the obviously repressed queer man. i will never examine this feeling ever again thank you <3 he also makes fun of archer for being obsessed with, of all sports, water polo. shran is his favourite character because he’s a little shit and makes him laugh, and t’pol, because t’pol is a badass and he’d appreciate that. i can’t remember the title of a single episode off the top of my head though lol.

i can see what you’re saying about sam being a TNG stan. i’m conflicted though, I feel like TNG’s generally the favourite of 1) obnoxious nerds who think knowing trivia facts makes them smart, 2) men desperately trying to seem masculine and 3) people who’ve watched it three times and have extremely complex thoughts on the personhood and rights of robots. i could see sam fitting into the third group, but people who are in it for the robot feelings are a coin flip between voyager and tng being the fave, and i just have a feeling that voyager would be his favourite. i know kid sam is getting gender envy watching voyager in shitty motels while dad and dean are out, trying to find the words for it. his first semester at stanford he talks a friend into giving him the janeway haircut and rides that high for months. sam’s favourite characters are seven and EMH. 

sam and dean have definitely had dozens of long drawn out debates about philosophical topics in star trek. do the holograms deserve rights and if so which ones. are the romulans and vulcans still meaningfully the same people. was spock right for trying to foment reunification by going undercover on romulus. can the borg be redeemed. etc etc.

i haven’t seen any of picard at all so i can’t comment. i also think sam and dean probably read a lot of the trek books? they’re pretty common to find in secondhand bookstores and cheap, would have been even cheaper back in the day. sam probably doesn’t care for them much, dean has a few solid faves though. i’ve only read the disco books so i can’t comment anything specifically (besides the fact that i think dean read dead endless and cried like a baby), but some of the TOS and DS9 books are gay as hell and i know dean was eyes emoji-ing that shit. 

[yikes-strikes-again]

my thoughts on “Ho Yay“

i want to talk about something that’s been bothering me about TvTropes. i love this site; it is an incredibly expansive resource for understanding common tropes in western media and developing a framework for critical analysis. what i’m going to explain requires some background if you’re not already familiar with TvTropes. to try and be brief, there are two main types of pages on the site (three if you count indexes, but they aren’t relevant right now):

trope pages. these are pages that explain a common literary device or concept and then provide examples of its use in media. basically the backbone of the site.

media pages. these pages introduce the reader to a piece of media and list various tropes that it uses along with explanations of their appearances. media pages also contain links to YMMV sub-pages at the top of the page (important): these pages are extensions of a work’s YMMV (”Your Mileage May Vary”) sub-page, which every work has as a place for subjective interpretations written by tropers, site users with the ability to edit and add to pages. when a trope on the YMMV page of a work has too many examples, it often becomes its own YMMV sub-page. the specific sub-pages a work has depend on its popularity as well as its content.

i wanted to talk about a particular kind of YMMV trope that commonly appears as its own sub-page on media pages: Ho Yay. Ho Yay is a category that refers to aspects of a work that fans interpret as gay subtext. it’s generally agreed upon that for something to qualify as Ho Yay, the relationship can’t be canonically romantic. in many cases, the gay subtext was not intended by the creators.

it’s not hard to understand why this trope exists. when positive queer representation was so taboo as to be unheard of, the only gay subtext was fan-interpreted subtext. people only had the same-gender platonic relationships they found in television and books to see themselves in. and that’s what Ho Yay was: queer interpretations of the same-gender friendships in media that gave them a new, personal significance.

on TvTropes, Ho Yay appears as a YMMV page on, basically, any media page of a popular work that features close same-gender friendships. which is... a lot of them, to say the least. there’s got to be, collectively, hundreds of thousands of words solely about gay subtext on this site. and that’s a really good thing, I think, especially for old works with decades of gay fan interpretations, like Star Trek. for many people, it’s a very important aspect of their enjoyment of the work, and it deserves documentation.

however, after years of lurking on TvTropes, and reading Ho Yay pages in particular, something began to irk at me. something I’d seen glimpses of in the wording of certain entries. and, slowly, it began to bother me more and more, until i finally decided it was worth addressing.

you see, there’s something about the concept of having an entire page dedicated to speculation on potential gay subtext in a work, to the exclusion of all other relationship subtext. understand that Ho Yay pages are not places to discuss headcanons regarding a character’s gender or sexuality, or the nature of any relationships they might have with other characters, regardless of gender. it exists to point out romantic subtext only, and i mean only, if it’s gay.

this... bothers me somewhat.

i’d be sooooo much more comfortable if there was also a type of YMMV page that existed for people to talk about all non-canon romantic subtext, or just romantic subtext in general, without characters’ genders being a factor. because, honestly, it feels incredibly othering to have a page dedicated to fan speculation on the potential gayness of something at the exclusion of all other types of relationships. as if being gay is exotic and inherently worthy of note. that’s such an icky sentiment to me, and i can’t ever shake it when i read Ho Yay pages now. and i’m not even getting into all the examples of Ho Yay that are about real people, that’s disgusting for an entirely different set of reasons

i want to emphasize that i don’t want to get rid of Ho Yay; as stated above, i think it’s incredibly important to document the literal decades of fan speculation on the queerness of canonically straight characters. but to have gay subtext be the only kind treated with this amount of attention seriously rubs me the wrong way. if our goal is the equal treatment of all types of relationships, then it should start with us not granting this exceptional quality to gayness and just make a page for all relationship subtext!

you know, maybe what Ho Yay has become is just a symptom of a much larger problem: fandom treating gay relationships as inherently different and special. if that’s the case, i’d like everyone reading to take a moment to examine their biases.

my point to all of this is that, unlike in Ho Yay’s heyday, it’s rare, but not unheard of to see canon queer relationships of all kinds. even though there’s still a long way to go in that department, i think it's time to let go of the need to use a YMMV trope whose historical necessity has been, in many places, rendered obsolete.* the needs of fandom are changing. we don’t just want representation, we want our existence to be treated as mundane, and that means unexceptional. 

Society Marches On.

~~~

*in some places, homophobia is much more pervasive and queer representation is even farther than where it should be than in my country. I’m from the U.S., so if my sweeping statements don’t apply to your culture, please feel free to disregard them.

[ariainstars]

Sorry, But I Don’t Support Minorities (Any More)

For a start: I will not use inclusive language in this text. (I usually don’t, only in this case I want to make sure it’s known from the start.)

Secondly, if you identify as trans or non-binary and / or are a huge Harry Potter fan, I am warning you: don’t read this.

If you do want to hear me out, be respectful in your comments or hold them back altogether. I won’t tolerate bullying merely because I am expressing my own opinion. Though the topic touches a sore spot in me, too, I will be as objective as I can.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am not and never was a fan of J.K. Rowling and her works. I found the Harry Potter hype strongly exaggerated, the books mildly unoriginal and biased, the films ok until they became so overloaded with derivation from other sources (dragons, elves, magic wands, brooms, unicorns, centaurs, phoenixes, basilisks, flying horses - stories like Star Trek or Star Wars at least have their own world-building) and later so dark that they were no fun anymore. In my opinion an average writer was lucky because she tapped into a trend and was at the right place and right time with her stories. I daresay years from now many fans will wonder why they liked these stories so much and realize that they just jumped on a train, having been too young and naïve to question it.

I don’t own any of Rowling’s books or DVDs or merchandise and I never have been part of the fandom. So, I come from a different corner when I say that I have my own attitude about the current shitstorm regarding J.K. Rowling now being coded as “transphobic”. This is due to personal reasons of my own.

  1. The Discussion Can Add Confusion

Rowling stated that in her youth she had problems with her own identity due to her father having wanted her to be a boy. I can understand that because I went through a long period in my late teens and early twens where I had difficulties identifying with the sex I was born with. At times I also felt physically attracted to females. In my case, it turned out to merely be a phase: I am an average cis woman. I can understand that for some people, such doubts may turn out to be more than a phase. But I know what Rowling refers to because I have been there. And I am grateful that there was no gender discussion when I was young because it would have confused me even more than I actually was, and I already had more than enough other problems. I was and I am a “common” woman, but there was a time in my life when I did not like it very much. That time was bad enough, combined as it was with other aspects in my life I had to come to terms with, which at times almost drove me to despair to the point where I contemplated suicide. So, I am glad that in my time being gay / straight / trans / cis / non-binary or other was not such an issue, at least not where I grew up. With my confusion and disorientation, well-meaning people might have taken the opportunity to encourage me to “embrace my lesbianism / trans identity”, when in truth I am neither. I was discouraged, from many sides, to liking myself, and that self-loathing took many forms. 

I am extremely cautious when it comes to gender identification because I know that finding one’s way in life under difficult circumstances can take years and years and end in a very different place from where it started, well beyond adolescence. In my case, for a long time I thought I was “not really female” because I love my independence and never wished for children: this is not due to some masculine trait inside of me but to my growing up with a disturbed mother who strongly invaded my life and mind and did everything that was in her power to trap me. I suspected that something was wrong with her since my early teens, but I found out the truth only about twenty years later. I had to accept her the way she is and put distance between us. 

Then there were my peers: where and when I grew up it was trendy to be (or appear) as tomboyish and easy-going as possible because this was seen as a sign of a “strong, modern, emancipated female”: fie on you if you wore your hair a little longer, liked clothes or only had to much as a flower-pattern on your notebook. Again: I simply had to get away. For many years I had been led to believe that my too “female” or “masculine” traits were a problem, when the actual problem was not mine. And if this happened to me, I daresay there may be many others in similar situations; which is something that who supports and encourages trans people usually does not consider. People who are confused about their sexuality without actually being trans need understanding as well.

  2. What About Us?

As a native Italian, I cringe when I only think e.g. of Lady and the Tramp’s silly “Bella notte” scene or films like Good Fellas or of The Godfather trilogy, cultural phenomena that did a lot to cement the general audience’s idea of how Italians are like. Not to our advantage. - No, “bella notte” is not correct Italian. No, we don’t play the mandolin, it’s an outmoded instrument that you are more likely to find in a museum. And no, spaghetti with meatballs are not Italian food!

Following the 2009 economic crises many countries in the European Community applied for financial “umbrellas”; Italy didn’t, it paid into those funds. Italy was the first Western country who went into lockdown as the Covid-19 crisis struck. The country functioned, though under huge restrictions and security measures. In both cases, other countries’ reactions in and outside Europe were like: “Typical - Italians are too lazy to work!” When it came to negotiating an economic pact to help Europe start again, the countries who had said this the loudest held their purse-strings tight - after having locked down too late and hidden the truth about the casualties in their own countries. Convenient.

Italians are generally often seen as silly and not trustworthy. And nobody talks about how demeaning and disrespectful, and on the long run damaging, it is to portray us in such a stereotyped way which at best is good for a laugh. The prejudices stick, and they have destroyed or turned into a living hell many existences.

There are huge now discussions about banning films like e.g. Gone With the Wind due to its “clichéd portrayal of Blacks”. Nobody talks about abolishing The Godfather or other films of that kind although they contribute to the stigma that Italians are either all in league with the mafia, or easy-going, silly folks who sing and drink wine all day and have no idea of what hard work means. Most Italians have too much personal pride to victimize themselves and bo-hoo “the rest of the world just won’t understand us”. They love their country but that does not make them not blind to its shortcomings. I hope they stay that way. In any case, I intend to.

  3. The Actual Problem: Bullying

I can sympathize with anyone who comes out as trans because I know what it’s like to be bullied. I was bullied myself for many years due to my Italian origin as well as my upbringing while I had to live among persons who were on a lower social level than I. I was e.g. accused of being stuck-up and “inhibited”. I know now that the female bullies were envious of my self-esteem and insinuating that I was missing “fun”; while the males were counting on another girl being at any guy’s disposal for free and were angry when I didn’t let them have their way with me. 

The actual problem with any kind of intolerance and discrimination is bullying. Whatever form it takes, bullying is or ought to be unacceptable. Bullies will be bullies, they do not care who they harass and why: if they e.g. can be convinced to leave trans people alone, they will vent their frustrations and build up their self-image by bullying people who are fat or black or whatever. Except trans people won’t be there to witness that (unless by coincidence they are both trans and fat / black etc.) 

We live in a world that gives a great deal of importance on competitiveness; as a result, even in families, schools and other institutions that ought to educate children and youngsters to be respectful towards themselves and others, bullying is often not seen as such, or simply downplayed as “assertiveness”. Bullies do not want to hear reasonable argumentation and learn to be sympathetic: they want to show off their power, provoke an emotional reaction from their victims to see how far they can go, and gloat when they can hurt them. They will not change their minds and they will never be trustworthy, no matter how many discussions about your particular situation you have with them. 

To bullies, the world is a jungle where only the strongest have the right to survive; any attempt to make them rethink their attitude will only make them laugh at their victims’ alleged stupidity (because that’s what a humane, respectful attitude is to them) even more. The only language they understand is violence. If you are bullied, protect and, if you can, defend yourself; never try to discuss. Minorities were silent and subdued for such a long time with good reason: because they knew that the more they held their heads up and did not hide what made them different, the more targets they offered for bullies. No one ought to go in hiding because he is queer or black or Jewish etc., but sometimes it’s unavoidable simply for self-protection. I am almost fifty years old and I have never witnessed a nasty person changing for the better. If anything, they became worse, because every time they got away, they felt more superior than before.

Particularly sly bullies will make their victims believe that they have changed, maybe even pulling off the role “I’m a victim myself”. Please, please, whether you belong to a group of minorities or not: don’t listen to them. Ever. Maybe they once were victims, but it turned them into arseholes, and now they are sunk too far in their own filth to care. Compassion is a good thing, but it should never go as far as to delude yourself, endure abuse and sympathize until you become an object for compassion yourself.

For instance, I like wearing dresses, cooking and sewing and looking after my household. Fifty years ago, that would have made me a pattern housewife; nowadays, feminists would either want to strangle me or at least have a good laugh at my expense. This just goes to show how short-sighted any kind of prejudice and bullying is. Any human being ought to follow its own nature with a healthy self-esteem, and esteem others as well. But with our today’s view of the world we are supposed to be not altruistic and respectful but “strong” so that “we will make our way in life” (i.e. feed capitalism in any way we can); and nothing can make you feel “strong” more easily than finding someone who is allegedly weaker and pick on him. We are expected to be “winners”, and the first thing winners need are “losers” to serve them as a foil. The pool from which to choose is large.

  4. Who Is Subject to Intolerance Can’t Be Intolerant… Really?

For many years of my life, I always found myself a supporter of someone who was ostracized for one reason or another.

A woman who had left her husband. (It was the early Eighties.) A gay man. A girl who had been harassed by being called ugly. A woman who had been abused sexually by a family member. A woman from East Germany (I live in the West and there are lots of prejudices.)

For the record: these persons were of different age, origin, upbringing, social status, intellectual level and character, and they did not know one another.

I knew and supported them for years, listening, loyal, supportive, interested in their problems and personal development. I never attacked or criticized them. And each and every one of them sooner or later accused me of “not understanding them” and “being prejudiced towards them”. In the case of the abused woman this was particularly unfair because I have been abused myself in my family, though psychically and not sexually. The divorced woman, my own mother, viciously accused me of lying and being in league with her ex-husband after I had been loyal only to her for entire decades.

It appears these people only were my “friends” as long as I told them what they wanted to hear. When I suffered, I was put off with “pull yourself together”. Like I had no problems, because the only people in the world having problems were them. Thank you very much. So, I was supposed to accept their growing insolence due to their being such poor victims, while from their point of view I deserved neither understanding nor respect.

Only recently, in the aftermath of the riots caused by the killing of George Floyd, I posted a comment on a video on youtube… guess what. I was immediately attacked by a black woman saying that my “stupid remark” just went to prove how a white person would never understand “things like these”. She had not even read my post carefully enough to understand what I actually wanted to say, she simply felt entitled to offend me.

I do not say that I dislike trans people or that they are bad, I’m sure there are as many good or bad people among them as anywhere. If someone says e.g. that though born with male organs they identify as female that is their very own affair. I must not like it or understand it. Tolerance means leaving other people alone to do as they please. Any person is “bad” only the moment they behave badly towards others; being different from the mainstream does not count.

But when I have to watch and read people nowadays defending trans or gays or blacks or some other minority, believing to be being open-minded or particularly noble and heroic by supporting them, all I can say is that I have been there and it did me no good. I won’t get caught up in another wave of “minority tolerance”: in my experience, it’s a waste of time. Many of those who now proudly burn their Harry Potter books and proclaim that they will no longer support the author, respectively that they “love Harry Potter but love trans people more” will make the experiences I made. Except they most probably won’t talk about that, because these experiences are so humiliating.

Minorities of any kind do not want to be supported, understood and defended by people who are not in their shoes: it hurts their personal pride. Which I can understand, although it’s a lame excuse for being mean to the very persons whom they expect help and support from. They will tend to envy the ones who do not have their problems due to being white / straight / cis etc., and consequently turn a blind eye to the fact that these can have huge problems of their own. Many of them expect their supporters not only to understand them but to support them enthusiastically at every turn, and if these don’t, (or if there is the slightest reason for them to assume that they don’t) these “victims” will feel entitled to be offended and become vicious aggressors, with a whole fan club behind them protecting their backs and convinced of promoting a honorable cause.

I am fed up with being tolerant. It seems you can hardly do anything anymore without offending someone: watching Disney movies or old classics, wearing a pink dress, calling a woman a woman instead of woman / trans / cis / non-binary etc. There is always someone who will point to these things saying why they’re not right.

I’m sorry but clichés, prejudices and stereotypes can’t be totally avoided: the human brain is not wired to know all facts about everything and everyone. What you can do is teach children and adolescents to be respectful towards everybody, even if they don’t like a particular person or group. Nobody has the right to force you to like everybody and to agree with every life style. But it seems the world has become full of people who seem to have nothing better to do but feel personally offended at the drop of a hat and make a fuss about how hurt their feelings are. Helping someone out who is in a difficult situation is not the same as catering to the keyed-up hysterics of some entitled brat. Seeing the difference between these two can be quite difficult because the latter often show their true face only after years and years, when they realize that for some reason or other, they can no longer squeeze you out for their personal benefit giving nothing back.

Who follows my account is aware that I did not like The Rise of Skywalker. Heaven knows I wrote enough about it. But I did not and will not harass the studios twittering, mailing, making youtube videos etc. ranting and raving about what rubbish it supposedly is for years, like the haters of The Last Jedi. Listening to them, one would think their whole reason for living had been destroyed on purpose. We most probably largely have to thank them for the Episode IX disaster, the flattest and most uninteresting Star Wars film ever made; not to mention the harassment the actress Kelly Marie Tran was subject to. Anyone has the right to dislike the development the authors chose for the saga, but for heaven’s sake: after all, it’s just a movie. If such a relatively insignificant thing can be hyped up like this, I don’t want to know what’s in store coming from people who feel offended for much more personal reasons, like race or gender.

Tolerance cannot be one-sided; it cannot mean that whatever one side wants does not have to be reasonable or useful, but they are entitled to scream and yell until the other side gives in. (If for no other reason than to satisfy them so they will finally shut it.)

  Conclusions (I did warn you…)

I. Hogwarts is not my world

Hogwarts is supposed to sound like a dream come true, but I never liked the idea of a “school” where pupils, who are still children and adolescents, are taught spells and engaged in games and tournaments where they have to risk life and limb. These facts are commonly overlooked, I guess, because “the heroes” usually don’t get hurt. The heroes overcome their traumata but do not get wiser from them, on the contrary: their suffering is supposed to make them seem nobler so that we will root for them more. Harry loses his parents before he could get to know them; his adoptive family mistreats him, but he doesn’t care about them; Cedric dies in his stead, but they were not close friends; Dumbledore dies when Harry was getting too old for a father figure; Snape dies, but Harry never liked him either. The list could go on. Harry always remains an innocent; he never gets to look into a metaphorical mirror where he has to see all of the bad that is inside of him, his darker sides are always projected and personified by someone else. (When he does look into a metaphorical mirror in the first book and movie, he finds out that the Philosopher’s stone is, magically, in his pocket. How convenient.)

I can’t invest emotionally in a fictional character who stands out before having earned or deserved it. Harry is like a Chosen One who skips the hero’s journey: from an abusive household, he is catapulted into a whole new world made of mystery and wonder, where he immediately is singled out, admired before he lifts a finger, unexplainably lucky, awed due to his heritage, envied by who is not as special as he. Harry remains untainted by own sins because other people do the dirty work for him; which seems ok because they are, for one reason or another, uncool - Dumbledore = old, Ron = weak / foolish, Hermione / Snape = unpleasant, his parents = dead, and so on. Yes, Harry sometimes makes mischief, but people usually cut him slack because of his past as an abused child, his parent’s tragic death, and his undefinable power that makes him resist the Evil One. The Dursleys, Snape and Draco don’t tolerate him, which is why they are coded as villains or at least very disagreeable characters. How do you recognize a villain in these stories? Simple, he’s being mean to Harry. Everybody else gives him special treatment because you don’t want to upset the person whom you expect to defeat the ultimate villain. I always found his character bland and uninteresting. We e.g. learned why Snape was so lonely and bitter, but not why Harry was so “good” although he had grown up unloved, in an abusive household, until he was eleven. 

For decades now Harry Potter fandoms and clubs gather all over the world proudly proclaiming that they are something really special and not like “them Muggles”. No wonder these stories are so popular with who feels misunderstood and downtrodden. Wouldn’t it be nice to be born with capacities ordinary people can’t even dream of? When maybe you’re just a common person, shocking thought. Nowadays, if you want to be someone outstanding, make it up in your mind and it automatically becomes true. And if you identify with the protagonist, you get to be a hero before you did anything special into the bargain. Harry is a victim of other person’s sins and / or blunders and his story is about unfolding the details of his victimhood and correcting them so he gets his happy ending. We are supposed to sympathize with this: well, I can’t. Victimhood and alleged inborn virtue are insufficient to make a protagonist “overcome his trials” and emerge triumphantly over his sidekicks or enemies, without any real loss on his side, while they get killed or, at best, ridiculed. And I will not pick up the part of that sidekick any more.

 II. Feminism Is Not My World

While I am an advocate for women’s independence, I do not identify as a feminist. I have an independent nature: that does not mean I am or should be ashamed of being a lady. This where we live is the era of the tomboys, of the feisty, cool, tough females. And often they don’t just go their own way but feel entitled to scorn women who do have their own job and live with a man who respects them, but also like the color pink, pretty clothes, flowers, romantic stories and everything else the new wave feminism likes to dismiss as “brainwashing”. Today you can hardly let your daughter watch a Disney movie without being accused of undermining her identity with false ideas about womanhood because, oh wonder, it seems a “real woman” must think and act like a badass guy.

Louder for the feminists in the back: you can actually look and behave in a way that is coded as “female” and be intelligent, independent and self-respecting. Women who went their own way have existed in every age and culture, often making great achievements and changing the world around them; they were intelligent, compassionate and took matters into their own hands. They did not proclaim that they unfairly were victims of men: they knew how to make men respect them. Being a woman is not a stereotype thrust upon you, it’s natural. If someone rejects qualities that are identified as “female”, it’s their very own affair. If I wanted to return the offense, I might as easily say that “feminists” and “empowered females” are just too smug to do the dishes.

 III. Trans, cis, binary etc. is not my world

For millennia, people had to accept the sex they were born with. Now you can have surgery and take hormones to get rid of a problem which you can’t solve on your own. Sorry, but I can’t get my head around it: to me the gender diversity discussion is unnatural. Good and right things are always the same, they cannot change with time and “scientifical / medical progress”. Tomboyish females and same-sex lovers are as old as the world, but it’s only a few decades since you can surgically have your sex changed if you feel uncomfortable with it, and even less time since you can claim the right to be both male and female or not to choose any sex at all. Excuse me, what’s behind it? Fear of missing out? I know, nowadays we are supposed to “change the stars”, but excuse me, it’s not possible. Rowling did not change the stars: as I wrote above, she got lucky.

I can say from own experience that for healthy growth a person needs limits. It is not “tolerant”, in my opinion, to say that one can be male or female or binary or none of that, all by choice. If I raise a child calling it a boy because he was born with male organs, or by Catholic standards because I am a Catholic myself, I believe no one has the right to say that I am intruding into its personality. I would be intolerant if said child would later come out to me e.g. as trans or atheist and I would dismiss its identification and opinion as a matter of principle, or disown it altogether. Rejecting rules and values is like pretending that it is wrong to be e.g. female, or straight, or that Catholic values are rubbish. None of that is true. It is true that a trans or gay or atheist or Buddhist etc. is not automatically an immoral or inferior person.

I can accept other people’s choices about their gender identification; that doesn’t mean I must like or support their mindset. It doesn’t automatically make me “transphobic”. If it is intrusive or intolerant to say that someone is male because he was born with male organs, what will come next? Will “normal” females no longer be entitled to protect their most intimate privacy because any guy can share our private space, like a public toilet or dress room, claiming he’s a woman (and he might well not be trans, but a lying voyeur?) Will we no longer give our children male or female names? Not teach them any values? No longer send them to kindergarten, to school, maybe not even feed or clothe them or furnish their nurseries according to our own judgement, because the poor babies can’t choose by themselves yet?

We all did not choose to be born in the first place.

If you want to protect your children from suffering, don’t have them: suffering is a part of life. Trans is not my world. I don’t want to destroy it or to behave rudely towards it; I simply do not want to have part in it. I want people to care for me, and to do so because I am me, not because I come out with this or another sexual orientation or make myself an advocate for people who belong to this or another minority.

All of the above is why I will not jump on the current “I defend minorities” respectively “I defend downtrodden victims” train. The good part is that I don’t have any Harry Potter book or merchandise I could burn anyway. 😊

Anyone who is uncomfortable with my point of view can unfollow me. Bullies will be blocked and reported without further ado. Greetings from a notorious Muggle.

[profoundlyxbonded]

12 signs a storyteller is building romantic and sexual chemistry

Dean/Cas FOR SURE hits 9/12 of these and arguably 11. DESTIEL IS REAL.

LOONG POST AND THE FANDOM EXAMPLES AREN’T SPN , BUT IT’S WORTH THE TIME.

THE BOLDED SPN EXAMPLES ARE MINE.

When it comes to possible romances in popular work, fans and storytellers do a lot of finger-pointing. People have varied tastes and can view the same interaction differently, causing fights over whether the romantic or sexual chemistry in a story was intentional. These feuds are particularly likely in cases where storytellers may be taunting queer audiences.

However, the question of whether chemistry was inserted by the storyteller isn’t as subjective as you might think. Storytellers use the same tactics over and over again when developing a romance. Let’s go over twelve of the most common. You can use them to analyze your favorite stories or to build chemistry yourself. To make things simpler, I use the term “peer” to indicate people who are similar in age and aren’t closely related. In other words, they qualify for a non-platonic relationship.

Let’s start with signals that could be platonic if used in isolation and count down to ones that are almost never platonic.

12. Banter & Teasing

Multiple episodes during seasons 4 and 5. Bickering and acting as if married after that.

When the Lord of the Rings movie trilogy came out, fans felt the chemistry between a pair of people that Peter Jackson probably didn’t expect: Legolas and Gimli. However, Jackson should have seen it coming. These contrasting characters start as natural adversaries, and once they’re on the same team, that transforms into competitive banter. This makes for fun and endearing scenes between them.

Even though banter can be platonic, there’s a very blurry line between banter and flirtation. That means interactions between peers that are familiar and yet have that teasing edge are particularly effective at building sexual and romantic chemistry.

If banter is all there is between the characters, the storyteller may not be creating that chemistry on purpose. However, in popular stories where everyone knows that fans want those characters to hook up, storytellers who include teasing are at least willing to encourage it. For instance, Merlin and Arthur on BBC’s Merlin are also known for their banter, and since it’s obvious that the show’s writers were cultivating chemistry, it’s very likely that banter was part of their strategy.

11. Staring & Close Eye Contact

Multiple episodes ARE YOU F- ING KIDDING ME??

In the Star Trek: Next Generation episode The Big Goodbye, Dr. Crusher dresses up in a 1940s outfit to join Picard’s Dixon Hill game on the holodeck. When Picard sees her there, he first stops, stares, and then has a close face-to-face conversation. The scene even has cheesy romantic music.

While that example is over the top, storytellers can do this with a lot more subtlety if they want to. Visual storytellers typically have a character conversation in almost every scene, and it’s easy to nudge characters closer together or have them stare a little longer. However, some shows like Star Trek are also in the habit of making their actors talk really close together all the time. That makes the line between what is romantic and what is platonic really blurry.

Building chemistry via staring isn’t limited to visual works. In narrated works, description is used to focus the camera and show what the viewpoint character is paying attention to. The choice to describe the eyes of a peer, assuming they aren’t supernatural looking, creates romantic chemistry. Using a disproportionate amount of description on a peer, especially if that description makes them sound attractive, will also be interpreted as non-platonic. While narration can also describe how close characters are together, it won’t have the same subtlety as it would in a visual story.

10. Domestic Activities

(”Co-parenting”Jack/ being two of his three four dads.)

In season seven of The 100, viewers discover that Octavia spent ten years stranded with her former enemy, Diyoza. They took shelter in an abandoned home, and since Diyoza was already pregnant, they ended up raising her child together. For many years, Octavia tries to leave and go back to her brother, but Diyoza tells her that she shouldn’t abandon her family. Diyoza finally sabotages Octavia’s efforts to leave, but Octavia quickly forgives her. That sure sounds like a love story.

While characters don’t have to be romantic to be roommates, making peers into roommates is likely to get fans invested in a hookup. This is partly because living together is associated with romantic partnerships, but it also means that the characters are around each other a lot. The more they are together, the more opportunities they have to build chemistry.

Aside from that, simply seeing characters handle (or refuse to handle) domestic tasks like cooking, doing dishes, or house cleaning builds romantic chemistry between them. This goes double if the characters raise a kid together.

9. Bonds of Magic or Destiny

Multiple episodes ARE YOU F- ING KIDDING ME??

In BBC’s Merlin, a wise dragon tells the titular Merlin that it’s his destiny to protect Arthur so that Arthur can bring about a new golden age. The dragon refers to them as two sides of a coin, and it emphasizes more than once that their fates are intertwined. Because he wants to stay close to Arthur, Merlin spends the entire show hiding his magic and working as a lowly manservant.

Our culture has countless stories about characters thrust into roles that make them essential to both the world and each other. These characters might be magically linked together, perhaps even hearing each other’s thoughts. The bond might be one of prophecy, with the characters needing each other to save the world. Or their society might make a big deal out of the two interdependent roles the characters play. For instance, in Gideon the Ninth, lots of time is spent describing how important a necromancer and their cavalier are to each other. Often, characters with these special bonds will gain abilities that can only be used when they’re together.

Storytellers have used this trope so many times in their romances that it carries a strong romantic connotation. While the trope can also be used for platonic relationships, a storyteller doing that may need to explicitly state that the relationship is platonic.

8. Voicing How Much They Care

Multiple episodes ARE YOU F- ING KIDDING ME??

In Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, the students Albus and Scorpius form a close relationship that is forbidden by Harry himself. This relationship is of central importance to the play, and it includes a conversation where Albus tells Scorpius “you make me stronger” and Scorpius responds “I didn’t much like my life without you in it either.” This sounds like a conversation from a romance novel with the direct “I love you” lines conveniently clipped out.

Friends and siblings in popular stories don���t spend much time talking about how they are friends and siblings. Most platonic relationships in stories are also not as emotionally intense, and they come across as less needy and codependent than romantic ones.

As we get more deep and meaningful platonic relationships in popular stories, these conversations may be less associated with romance in the future. Even so, having peers spend time discussing their relationship or what they mean to each other definitely builds romantic chemistry. And since we can’t credit most popular storytellers with caring about meaningful platonic relationships, conversations like this one between Albus and Scorpius are a strong sign that the storyteller is creating romantic chemistry on purpose.

Storytellers who are covertly building romantic chemistry are particularly fond of using the word “love” in ambiguous ways. They know interested audiences will interpret this as “in love,” while others will interpret it as platonic love.

7. Activities Associated With Dating

Multiple episodes - meals together

The Good Omens miniseries added original scenes for the fan-favorite demon and angel pair, Crowley and Aziraphale. The series shows them meet for the first time, go through ups and downs together, and as a secondary concern, deal with the events of the actual plot. They’re shown drinking wine at a fancy restaurant together more than once. When things look bad, Crowley practically begs Aziraphale to run away with him. After Aziraphale’s shop burns down, Crowley invites Aziraphale to come home with him. Aziraphale often appears scandalized by Crowley’s advances, which only makes those scenes more suggestive.

While two friends could have a candlelit dinner together, storytellers don’t depict characters having candlelit dinners for the purpose of developing a platonic relationship. That’s why in a story, just having two peers eat at a restaurant by themselves implies a romance in progress. Other dating-associated activities might include watching the sunset together or dressing up to attend a fancy event together.

This category also includes any outing referred to with the word “date” – even if it is a “friend date.” Your friend date in real life might not be romantic, but storytellers choose that word for a reason.

6. Absent Clothing ?

(09x06)  There’s Cas’ discarded vest and unbuttoned shirt during the scene in the car outside Nora’s.

In The Last Jedi, director Rian Johnson decided to develop a romance between Rey and Kylo by giving them a magical bond in the form of long-distance telepathy. But Johnson must have decided the obviously romantic implication of this connection was too subtle, so Kylo also happens to be shirtless in one of these scenes.

Fictional clothing doesn’t just evaporate in storyland. If a character is bathing, is in their underwear, is missing their shirt, or even just has buttons undone, the storyteller has chosen to create sexual tension. This isn’t always to develop sexual chemistry specifically between two characters. In visual media, it might be to give the audience some eye candy. But if one peer’s shirt goes missing when the other appears, that’s a big sign.

Perhaps the most common method of doing this is putting characters in the same room when one of them is changing. Injuries are another common excuse for clothing removal and close contact. A remarkable number of characters have trouble applying their own bandages; somehow, they always need first aid from an attractive peer.

5. Flirtation & Flattery

Multiple episodes - (5x22) Dean outright flirting with Cas before saying yes to Archangelic possession and just Dean’s body language in other episodes.

X-Files was notorious for taunting viewers with a possible romance between its two leads, something that started right with the pilot. One of the many tactics used to build up a possible romance was for Mulder to inappropriately hit on Scully while they were working. In one scene where they are undercover as a married couple who just moved into the neighborhood, he tells a neighbor that he and Scully spooned like kittens all night. Generally, Mulder’s advances are disguised as jokes, and when he’s too serious to be joking, Scully treats his comments as if they were jokes.

It’s obvious that when one character hits on another, they have sexual or romantic interest. The only question is whether that interest is being used to develop romantic or sexual chemistry. Many stories have a scene where a minor male character hits on a female protagonist only for her to turn him down, and it’s supposed to be funny. Since most women do not find this funny, these scenes aren’t as common as they once were. Occasionally, a male antagonist will make threatening advances. That’s even worse.

However, it’s different when a relatable protagonist is initiating the flirtation. Even if the subject of their affections isn’t interested, being turned down will create sympathy. The scene may still be written as though it’s funny, but then it’s humble or self-deprecating humor. Failed flirtation establishes that the protagonist is looking for romance, creating the expectation that they will hook up with someone. If they’ve tried to flirt with a recurring character, it’s almost certainly a romantic setup.

4. Emphasis on Hugs and Physical Contact

Multiple episodes  ARE YOU F- ING KIDDING ME??

Many fans of the show Teen Wolf wanted Stiles and Derek to hook up. Stiles is the fan-favorite character, Derek is really hot, and the two have some great banter scenes. Unfortunately, the writers of the show wouldn’t create a romance between them, but at the end of the show’s long run, they decided to give these fans something to remember. How did they do that? With the bridal carry. Even though the scene was written to be humorous, this specific hold has incredibly romantic connotations.

While the bridal carry is pretty blatant, storytellers will use all kinds of physical contact between peers to create romantic and sexual chemistry. One of the most common is hugging. Yes, friends hug, but visual stories don’t include extended shots of friends hugging. Narrated works don’t spend a whole paragraph describing the way friends hug. If a hug between peers is rendered in artistic loving detail instead of as a casual and brief aside, that was intentional chemistry-building.

Other blatant signs of non-platonic physical contact include showing whether their hands are close enough to touch, making one character fall on top of another (classic), hair tucking, and, for storytellers with no shame whatsoever, mouth-to-mouth such as CPR or “water transfer.”

3. Blushing

In Netflix’s She-Ra, the characters Bow and Glimmer start off as best friends and hook up in the final season. In depicting this transition, She-Ra gives us a beautiful reversal, in which this straight romance is much more subtle than the central queer hookup. Because they were already friends, some viewers might miss that Bow and Glimmer end the show as a couple. However, close observation of one scene in particular leaves no room for doubt. In it, Glimmer praises Bow’s music, and they both blush.

Blushing is a little odd because it doesn’t appear in live action for practical reasons. But in animated, illustrated, or narrated works, storytellers use blushing to communicate that a character is experiencing non-platonic feelings. While it occasionally indicates general embarrassment, context almost always makes it clear which is which. If the character blushes after dropping all their books in the middle of class, it’s embarrassment. If they blush after speaking to or staring at a peer, it’s romance.

Since blushing is involuntary, it’s particularly useful when characters aren’t willing to show their feelings. This means it often gets used as early buildup to a romance or to create chemistry between characters who will never admit their feelings at all.

2. Jealousy ?

OPEN TO INTERPRETATION BUT - (4X10) Cas’ reaction to Dean and Anna.

In Gideon the Ninth, Harrow is a necromancer and Gideon is her cavalier. However, at the beginning they’re almost enemies. When they’re summoned to an abandoned castle to train for a great honor, Harrow goes off on her own. This leaves Gideon to socialize with the other nobles present – in particular, the lovely and kind Dulcinea. As Gideon and Harrow begin to make up, Harrow increasingly voices her displeasure with this association, finally forbidding Gideon to see Dulcinea. While Harrow insists it’s because Dulcinea is dangerous, Gideon accuses Harrow of being jealous.

In stories, jealousy is an obvious sign of romantic feelings. That’s simply because while the vast majority of romances in popular stories are monogamous, friendships are never exclusive. Someone who wants to be a friend doesn’t have much reason to get jealous. Factor in conscious choices by storytellers, and platonic jealousy is rare indeed.

Characters rarely admit to being jealous, so storytellers who want to clarify usually have another character say it. Even if it looks like that character could be wrong, the storyteller wouldn’t have used the word “jealous” unless they wanted their audience to think about it. The romantic chemistry that comes with this is intentional.

Unlike other items on this list, I don’t recommend using this one yourself for romantic buildup. Like other negative emotions, occasional jealousy is natural. However, it’s not a sign of a healthy relationship, and it’s associated with domestic abuse. When storytellers use it in romances, they are encouraging everyone to think of jealousy as romantic. That can have deadly consequences.

1. Onlookers Assume They’re Dating

Multiple episodes - Meg, Balthazar, and others making joking (or very serious) comments about their relationship.

In the BBC Sherlock episode A Study in Pink, Watson and Sherlock have dinner together at an Italian restaurant. For those who’ve been paying attention so far, that’s a dating-associated activity. The waiter is an old associate of Sherlock, and he casually refers to Watson as Sherlock’s “date.”

I cannot count the number of times I have seen this used as early buildup in straight romances. The likely couple goes out together – often to a restaurant but not always – and some stranger assumes they’re a couple. Embarrassed, they hurriedly correct the stranger. Several episodes later, they’re admitting their feelings for one another. In BBC Sherlock, this trick from the old romantic playbook was clearly not enough for the show writers. Following this is a conversation where Sherlock concludes that Watson is interested in dating him. He says he’s flattered, but he’s “married to his work.”

The denial of the characters doesn’t cancel out the intentional romantic chemistry. If the storyteller didn’t want the audience to think about the pair hooking up, they wouldn’t do this song-and-dance in the first place. In fact, if the denial is enthusiastic, it just indicates these comments about being a couple are hitting close to home.

For all the other signs I’ve listed here, I can at least conceive of a situation in which a plot would call for something similar between people intended as platonic. These little snippets of dialogue have no such cover. They are irrelevant to the plot at hand, inserted entirely for the character moment they create. They are the furthest thing from organic, especially with a same-gender pairing. The storytellers can claim they’re jokes (homophobic ones), but they have many jokes at their disposal that do not build romantic chemistry. They chose a joke that would.

When these romantic or sexual signals are used on same-gender pairings, it may fly under the radar for audiences with a heteronormative gaze. However, these signals don’t end up in the story by accident. That goes double if this is a big-budget story in a visual medium, where the story has been written, animated, or filmed, and finally edited under supervision. Remember: it’s a storyteller’s job to shape the response that audiences have to their story. They may not be perfect, but they still know what they’re doing.

[lordendsavior]

In the latest episode of HBO’s new NSFW teen drama Euphoria, there was sex scene between Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson. Well, kinda. One of the characters in the show, Kat (played by Barbie Ferreira), is famous online for writing One Direction fan fiction, specifically about Larry Stylinson, the name given to the theory that Styles and Tomlinson were, in fact, lovers. The sex scene in the episode actually comprised of versions of the two former boyband members in an animated scene lifted from one of this character’s stories. It’s unfortunate that the animation left Styles looking a little like Lord Voldemort and Tomlinson like a sweaty teenage boy. 

But while that aspect of the show might not have been real, the conspiracy of Larry Stylinson very much is. Since One Direction were launched off the back of The X Factor in 2010, Tomlinson and Styles have been dogged by rumours that they are embroiled in a love affair. On Tumblr – a breeding ground for fan theories, fan art, fan videos and fan fiction – fans would collect GIFs, images and videos of the pair that “proved” that they were in a relationship. A lingering glance was decoded as a lustful stare, the brush of knees during an interview a sign of a secret intimacy. These in turn would mutate into smutty fan fiction about the pair, where these unspoken sexual wants could play out in full explicit glory.

In the tradition of Bennifer and Brangelina, their names, like their desires, were brought together for the portmaneu Larry Stylinson. Shipping them – the act of wanting two people to be together romantically – became a way of life for some fans. To this day, these fans, known as Larries, are unwavering in their belief, love and support of Larry Stylinson.

The same cannot be said for Louis Tomlinson. For nearly nine years, he has been dogged by rumours and speculation about his relationship with Styles. This latest outing of Larry in Euphoria is just another example of the theory’s pervasiveness. After the scene aired, some fans on Twitter messaged Tomlinson to see if he had been consulted about the scene. His reply was telling. “I can categorically say that I was not contacted nor did I approve it,” he wrote.

For years, Tomlinson has categorically denied that Larry is real. In 2012  he responded to a fan stating that “Larry is the biggest load of b——- I’ve ever heard”, and in a 2017 interview with The Sun, the Doncaster-born singer said that he found the rumours disrespectful of his relationships with women and shared how it had also affected his friendship with Styles. “It took away the vibe you get off anyone. It made everything, I think on both fences, a little bit more unapproachable,” he revealed. “I think it shows that it was never anything real, if I can use that word.”

The decision to include the animated Larry sex scene in Euphoria has provied divisive. On Twitter, One Direction fans have dubbed it “disrespectful”, “vile” and an “embarrassment”. Even self-professed Larries called out the scene and some fans went so far as to start a Change.org petition to have the scene removed from the episode. (At the time of writing it has over nearly 17,000 signatures.)

The fandom’s rejection of Larry, at first, seems hypocritical. How can the very people who have spent years perpetuating the narrative that Tomlinson and Styles are romantically linked show annoyance when that same narrative gets utilised in wider media? However, fandom, specifically fan fiction, is a contradictory and confusing beast. The thing is, Larry Stylinson is bigger than the two boyband members at its core. Their supposed romantic relationship really has nothing to do with them at all.

To give a brief history of fan fiction, the medium, while it always existed in some form, came to prominence in the 1970s in fanzines for the TV show Star Trek. Then known as slash fiction (the slash refers to the forward slash that divide the two characters, for example “Kirk/Spock”), these early writings reexamined scenes within Star Trek episodes where it appeared that there was coded queer behaviour, language or sexual tension. A chance meeting on the bridge of the USS Enterprise could result in steamy sex behind a computer console. A violent clash with a Klingon that left either Spock/Kirk injured, may end with a restorative tryst in a hospital wing.

As fan communities evolved from zines to online forums, so fan fiction became more widely accessible. Forums gave birth to sites like fanfiction.net and archiveofourown.org, where every intellectual property from Harry Potter to Bob the Builder was free game. And not every story written was sexual, either. Many fan fictions, while romantic in nature, kept their plots suitable for all ages. They also mainly took fictional characters and queered formerly heteronormative (or platonic) senarios.

Incorporating of real people – celebrities, public figures, popstars, actors, artists – into these stories propagated during this online boom of fan fanction. Portals like nifty.org had dedicated sections for celebrity fan fiction, while sites like Wattpad, a sort of social media site for writers to share their work, filled with stories about famous people. During One Direction’s imperial phase, Wattpad especially became a hive of 1D fan fiction.

And not all of it was slash fiction, either. Anna Todd’s popular YA novel After, which became a movie this year, had its beginnings as One Direction fan fiction on Wattpad. That story featured a heterosexual relationship. Her literary success follows in the footsteps of EL James, whose Twilight fan fiction was repackaged as 50 Shades of Grey.

Nevertheless, it’s fair to say that much fan fiction, smutty or not, specifically draws on queer narratives. The reasons for this are multi-faceted. Demographically, fan fiction is predominantly written by women. In the case of Spock and Kirk, it has been argued by academics that in queering their relationship, women were able to carve out safe sexual spaces in the world of fiction away from the dominant glare of patriarchal sexuality.

According to fandom academic Camille Bacon-Smith, the fact that the gender of the characters was the same allowed women to reconstruct men without the toxicity of masculinity. The American writer Joanna Russ added to this, suggesting that in this safe space, women were able to explore their fantasies outside the confines of heteropatriarchal normalcy.

In fact, Constance Penley, a professor of Film & Media Studies at the University of California, Santa Barbara, wrote in her book Nasa/Trek Popular Science and Sex in America that the gender of the characters was irrelevant. The act of having characters acknowledge their homosexual desires, she argued, was a metaphorical one, grounded in a desire to change “oppressive sexual roles”.

Still, exploring sexual desire with fictional characters doesn’t feel like an ethical problem. Neither, really, do private fantasies about real people. But fan fiction takes those private fantasies and makes them public. If authors like JK Rowling and Annie Proulx (Brokeback Mountain) take umbrage with fans writing their own stories using their made up characters, how do real people feel about having their lives dissected and fictionalised for entertainment?

The problem is the blurred line between celebrity and the human being. As celebrity’s lives playout on websites, television and physical media, their real life stories – often fabricated for headlines or sales – become a sport. There’s a twisted sense of ownership over these people. The public, as a throbbing and beating entity, made them famous. Their payment is their lives. The boundaries begin to disappear, and these human beings become characters in a soap opera. The internet, which its unending ocean of content, only helps to conjure more moments that fans can decode or adapt for their fics.

The implications of this are different for everyone. Stars like Benedict Cumberbatch and Andrew Scott, who played Sherlock Holmes and Moriarty respectively in the BBC’s cult favourite Sherlock, take the fictionalised versions of their lives in their stride. In an interview with MTV, Cumberbatch, while acknowledging that he found some of the racier stories weird, called it “flattering”. Daniel Radcliff and James McAvoy also seemed to be able to find the humour in it (although, again, acknowledging that they find it “really weird"). There’s also those who just outright ignore that this phenomenon exists.

Harry Styles, despite being one half of Larry Stylinson, has only ever alluded to it once. After the release of his debut solo album, fans speculated that the track Sweet Creature was about Tomlinson. In an interview with a radio station, Styles said: “I think people are always gonna speculate what songs are about, and I don’t think I’d ever want to tell anyone that they’re wrong for feeling what they feel about a song. Even when they’re not necessarily right. But I think if you really listen to the lyrics, I think you can work out if it’s really about that or not, and I would lean towards no.”

However, this level of ambivalence isn’t always easy. In a recent interview with British GQ, Taron Egerton expressed his discomfort with people writing fan fiction about him. “I don’t know why people think I’d want to see that,” he said. “I don’t love it at all.”

It seems that Louis Tomlinson exists firmly in this camp. And unlike these other celebrities, the ship he was involved in evolved into a full blown conspiracy theory. Fans accused management of keeping his and Styles’s relationship a secret. Paparazzi pictures, performances, interviews, press cuttings, tweets and Instagram posts were dissected for clues that the pair were linked. Tomlinson and Styles were bombarded on Twitter by fans, the first comment under every post on social media almost always being “Larry is real”. That level of scrutiny would have been difficult for anyone, but for a teenager progressing into young adulthood it was unbearable.

What’s debatable is whether any of these fans and their libraries of “proof” and “receipts” actually believe that Larry Stylinson is real or whether shipping them is just an extension of their fan fiction fantasies. For the millions of One Direction fans, the members of the group, while clearly real people, were also mythic, so far removed from their realities that they were almost imaginary.

Anyone who has ever truly obsessed over a band or musician can understand that this distance between true human interaction incubates a need to develop an alternative form of intimacy, be it through listening religiously to their music, attending concerts or cooking up fantasies.

And because of the inequalities in knowledge between celebrities and non-celebrities, where we know everything about them and they know nothing about us, these fantasies, and in turn our perceptions of them, become skewered. This mutation is the perfect breeding ground for fan fiction and conspiracy theories as we attempt to fill in the blanks in our intimate knowledge of celebrity lives.

In the case of One Direction, whose fans were mainly young girls and gay boys, this fantasy  became a way to explore their own sexual wants and desires. It’s what the showrunner of Euphoria, Sam Levinson, told The Los Angeles Times he was trying to convey by having the character of Kat write 1D fan fiction.

The fact that the members of that boyband were in a similar age bracket only intensified things. Intimacy and a coarse understanding of celebrity saw the lines between fantasy and reality blur, accelerated and magnified by social media. In a way, it stopped being about Styles or Tomlinson and became about the fans, the community they’d found, a safe space to explore their desires in which those desires were often mirrored and supported by others in their community.

Does all that make real person fan fiction okay? Speaking to i-D, sex psychologist Jess O’Reilly, put it like this: “How might is make someone feel? How would their parents, partner(s), kids or friends feel about reading it? How would they feel if their friends and family read your work? How would you feel if someone published a similar story about you, your child, your partner, your best friend, your sibling or someone else you love?”

For Tomlinson, who has repeatedly shared the impact the sexual speculation had on his relationship with Styles, maybe a line has been crossed. His discomfort with the theories and fan fiction, along with countless other public figures who take issue with it, should be respected.

And, really, in the pantheon of fandoms, Larry Stylinson was its own perfect storm of burgeoning internet cultures, the proliferation of social media and cute boys singing pop bangers. The need to share sexual desires in fan fiction and, by extension, romantic celebrity conspiracy theories, feels more complicated than mere right or wrong, but rather an expanse of grey, ethical ambiguity.

It also feels too late for it to stop, too. Perhaps, as the role and makeup of what constitutes celebrity evolves, accepting fan fiction in its myriad of forms, like with gossip and rumours, is par for the course. Clearly, it’s up to the individual to figure out if they’re okay with that.