#i remember forgetting how to factor and remembering by explaining it and now i love factoring its actually really fun

[itz-pandora]

Got like 71% of my deltamath exam review done and hoping I'll just brute force the rest

[heartfullofleeches]

hiii i love you and your work 💕💕💕

i've had horrible brain rot over the immortal yan recently...but i forget his name lol

i do remember he is very orange though💀💀

anyway; what would his reaction be to someone else betraying reader? there was that one post of him basically saying that in order for reader to become immortal, he would have to hurt them horribly...but what if in the process of planning what he could do, or as he almost figured out how to make reader immortal without hurting them, someone ELSE betrayed them, what if it didn't make them immortal? what if it did? would he see it as luck, like 😟😲🫢🤭OH YAY I DONT HAVE TO KILL MY SPOUSE😁😁😁!!!!

also: could him and reader have children? obviously they could adopt but assuming they both had the necessary equipment to have a biological baby could they? would that baby be immortal? if no, or if they adopted a baby, how would they explain that they don't age?

also not only to the kids but also the neighbors, coworkers, teachers etc etc

could they learn sfx makeup and like make themselves age? do they just like disappear one day? do they move around a lot? is it just cartoon logic of ".....it just is that way 🤷🏽‍♀️ no one notices anything is off🤷🏽‍♀️"?

If Devlin's [who I'm 99.9 percent sure you're talking about] Darling was betrayed by someone else and became immortal as a result ol' Devi here would feel like he's won the lottery.

"Your loved one betray and/or murder you - the resulting grief and trauma leading you to become a zombie without all the rotting and hunger for brains? Me too, babes- Let's hit up a bowling alley."

He doesn't have to kill them and they're heartbroken? Jackpot. If Darling felt anything like he did when he was murdered/became immortal- Scared, Hurt, Lost, Alone- they'll be ripe for the picking when he comes along. All Devlin wanted for the first couple of decades he continued to walk the earth was someone like him that knew what he was going through. He hopes they feel the same way when he tells them they have a lot more in common now.

Devlin and Reader could have children, but you might want to wait another century before this dork is ready to be father material. A biological child between Devlin and Reader would not be immortal, but the would have an insanely sped up heal factor to wear things like broken bones would heal in the matter of days.

Devlni himself bounces from location to location when he gets bored or he's lived there long enough that people get suspicious that twenty something year old they say ten years ago looks the exact same. There is one town where a ton of weird shit happens that Devlin views as a vacation spot since it is nice to go to a place where everyone knows you and nobody gives a damn you don't age when there's wilder shit happening right across the street. If Reader and Dev had a kid the family might move there at least until the kid was a teen because if one more parent walks up to Devlin or Reader asking what's their secret to looking so young he's throwing hands.

[nesiacha]

I will present my theory on the fact that if Charlotte Robespierre had married Joseph Fouché, there would have been absolutely no change in events.

For Robespierre: Let’s not forget that Hervé Leuwers explained that the revolutionaries looked up to Brutus, one of the founders of the Republic, who sent his own sons to their deaths for plotting to restore the monarchy. We must also remember that there were many rifts among friends (notably Pétion), and Robespierre even agreed to break ties with Camille Desmoulins because he saw him as a threat to the Republic. After several hesitations, he eventually accepted Desmoulins' death (in reality, I'm simplifying a lot here as this is not the main point). In some revolutions that I have studied, revolutionaries believed that the revolution was more important than the lives of their family members. Some parents even told their children that they would prefer them to be dead than to risk endangering the revolution (I don't mean to demonize the revolutionaries; they had very good reasons for acting this way).

Thus, seeing Fouché’s attitude, Robespierre would have had no hesitation in approving, and even signing, the decree for his arrest, whether he was his brother-in-law or not.

For Fouché: He would remain true to his character, being rather cunning, and I believe he would have no hesitation in sending Robespierre to the guillotine to ensure his own survival. Now, I’m not sure what method he would use. One possibility is that, instead of saying that execution lists were being prepared by Robespierre, Fouché would target a close political ally of Maximilien, a member of the CSP , likely Couthon, portraying him as the man pushing for mass executions, with Robespierre simply under his influence. This would allow Fouché to present himself as a" caring" brother-in-law trying to save Robespierre from Couthon’s Machiavellian influence. Of course, the goal would be to send Maximilien to the guillotine as well, tying Couthon’s fate to his own. When Thermidor arrives, perhaps Fouché would fade into the background, pretending that he couldn’t save Robespierre because he did not intervene, all while pretending to mourn his brother-in-law. Alternatively, Fouché may have prepared a similar justification (like Octavian did against Marc Antony, accusing him of being under Cleopatra’s influence, which was false) to justify Robespierre’s death and place all the blame on Couthon.

Or, with his knack for turning situations to his advantage in order to protect his popularity, Fouché might have used the example of Brutus, the founder who sacrificed his two sons, or even Brutus with Caesar, to show how much he "liked " Maximilien, but that, in the name of freedom being threatened, he had to make the "painful choice" of sacrificing Robespierre.

There are of course other additional theories that have not been discussed in these post.

The unknown factor remains Charlotte Robespierre, with her political ambiguities that we know so well (euphemism). And I wonder, if their children loved their uncle Maximilien, how would Fouché react? He would continue to love his children, of course, but this would be an interesting path to explore—how the children would feel about the death of Maximilien.

P.S. I have some gaps in my knowledge of the Roman period and even certain aspects of Thermidor, so if I'm wrong, feel free to kindly correct me.

[smokestarrules]

May I ask about the Star Vs downspiral? I remember seeing commercials about that show but that's the extent of what I know. But I'm curious now.

Well, honestly there was a Lot that contributed to its fall from grace, but here are some of the lowlights.

(It's been a very long time since I watched this show so I may be forgetting some details; this is how I remember it).

A) Four prominent characters are drawn into a horrible, horrible love square. Star herself, Marco, who is the other main character whose family she stays with while on Earth, her ex-boyfriend Tom, and another character who we meet later, Kelly. I'm sure some people always shipped Star and Marco, whatever, but a significant amount of the fandom including myself were beyond content with their relationship staying platonic---romance was not a factor that needed to be brought in to make us care about their dynamic. In fact, romance just about killed any enjoyment for them at all because it was so poorly written.

Marco and Star go back and forth between taking that romantic step and subsequently rejecting each other for various reasons. At some point Star gets back with her ex, Tom, who seems to have turned over a new leaf. Marco and Tom even have episodes where they hang out together too. Then Marco starts dating Kelly at the same time Star and Tom start to fall out again.

Now that I'm writing this I've realized I actually forgot another entire character who was wrapped up in this; Jackie Lynn, who Marco has a crush on in the early season(s?). She and Marco are together at some point until she leaves him because he's clearly not into her anymore. There are five characters who get stuck in this terrible plotline.

It's just... so needlessly dramatic and completely unnecessary. Star and Marco end up together, of course, but in doing so they completely screw over those two other characters, and by that time, their relationship just leaves a bad taste in fans' mouths.

B) Star VS as a show initially started out as pretty episodic and pivoted to a more narrative-driven storyline later on, which isn't at all necessarily bad, but a lot of what I personally liked about the show ended up being pushed to the wayside because of the bigger emphasis on the plot, and it was disappointing. Not everything needs to have a massive earth-shattering narrative to be good.

The early episodes were character-driven, full of incredibly interesting worldbuilding, and just fun to watch. All of those things were shoved away to make room for something more dramatic and serious.

C) The main bad guys are also pretty much an entire species which is never a good idea because it breeds so many uncomfortable writing decisions. They're "monsters" and they are The Bad Guys, who the Regular People need to stay away from. The narrative kinda tries to challenge this concept, but in the end it's really just not important whatsoever.

Honorable mention) When the show was still good, Marco had a couple episodes in which really interesting things were happening with his gender; he crossdressed as part of Plot and then seemed as as if he was confused about how it made him feel? But later on that plotline turned into more of a joke than it already was and went nowhere. Just weird.

D) How the show ended was one of the absolute worst I've ever seen. I truly cannot explain to you just how--bizarre it is; anticlimactic, rushed, unexpected in the worst way. To stop people from fighting, Star makes the incredibly quick decision to just. destroy magic.

So she does.

The aftermath shows that the two dimensions (Earth and Star's original home, Mewni) are now merged together in some sort of 'happy' fusion, magic is completely not a thing anymore, and entire species that have before been shown to canonically need magic to survive are dead because of it, though the show doesn't think to provide a better explanation for that at all.

And it ends.

[moshieee]

Hello it is I, random anon who does not know you and has never interacted with you before, what is your opinion of your mutuals?

Oh hi @bixell-pixell I'll include you even if we're not mutuals I think you're pretty chill all things considered

That's kinda it idk you that well

Anyways

You didn't specify so I'm going to list all my mutuals in the order of oldest to newest on my following page that I remember sorry of I missed anyone and for the @ s

*inhales*

@e-the-village-cryptid (I don't have a tag for e yet but it would probably just be E)

Not only the first person who I became friends with here but also the first one I ever started sharing my stories with, even if we don't talk too much I'm glad Every time we do and I see them on my dash, (they bring some of my favorite posts and when I do send posts sometimes I mix up and send them their own reblogs) I'm so glad we're still friends, thanks for letting me ramble about stuff for 6 hours hehe

@jaqofallgenders (no tag for jaq yet either)

my in person friend and the longest friendship I've ever had with someone, love you 🫶. I'll be more specific on Monday if our ADHD doesn't kick in and make us both forget

@strawberry-seal77 (seal-berry!!!)

Hi hi hi yellows my friend 👋 the person I consider to be the second ever friend I made on here, a lovely person as well and wait waaa and an amazing artist too 👀??? Love you silly goofball and the amazing posts and jokes you have we should chat more often I thinkith.

@rabid-mercenary16 (Rabid jumpscare)

Hey hey hey .... BWAMP! Hope you feel better soon

I probably have the most to say about Rabid but all try to make it a bit shorter. besides being the first artist to do art jokes and include me, with we also became mutuals and interacting around a time when my life started to get a lot better. Even if she's not the only factor in that I definitely associate her with stuff improving, and she did play a big factor in it (I already explained a lot on my Valentine's Day gift to her and the others). Also she's just an awesome person to spend time with and be goofy, amazing sense of humor and I just love being friends with such an awesome person and artist.

@dia-smthidk (Dia fren)

I'm assuming you don't want a bowl of soup

I also said a lot about them in my Valentine's Day gift, but we've become closer friends sense then even if we don't get to chat as much as I'd like to. I relate a lot and am surprised how we have so much in common. Amazing artist and person as well and I wish we could hang out more, idc if they think they're bringing down the mood when/if they bring stuff up about irl, and maybe I won't figure out their timezone but oh well, please take care of yourself gender sibling.

@bunnybunnsowo (BUN BUN BROTHER!!)

little brother 🫶🫶💝💞🫶✨👋❤️!!!

(I could have sworn we became mutuals before Dia?)

another person I shared a lot about with the Valentine's Day gift, I love you my little brother! Seriously one of the kindest people I've met and I'm so glad they have bug in his life. Bun deserves the world and they keep sending me opposum images!!! Gona die from cuteness and his kindness one of these days istg

@spookykittyzzz (greaah why don't I have a tag for you???)

A very kind person and artist I don't know too much sense we're not that close yet but love the few chats we have had so far. Hope we get to hang out more even if I'm awful at reaching out to others and saying hi.

@glitchyk (goop buddies)!!

Nooo the parallels

One of the first people who was interested to deep dive into my creations and ask about my stories and worlds They're probably competing with Rabid with how much I have to say about her/silly. Seriously it's incredible how much we have in common and now I get to share and collaborate our sonas stories together it's amazing. And as someone once said "you can yap for hours". I love how creative and clever they are, I just wish they would be kinder to herself. One day I'll make glichy see how awesome she is.

@unfunnyaceartist (Floridian disadvantage) I feel like I should change that

When I say I was shookith when ace asked to be friends I mean I was shookith first person so show up and ask that (the others kinda just happened). Amazing artist and don't believe her lies she is funny. I'm so heckn glad we're friends., love the goofy and silly idc if she's a bit of a simp they've helped me a lot start to understand slang and references I'm supposed to understand shhshsh (such is the curse of how I grew up) we need to make our mafia sonas interact at some point I can already imagine the chaos /silly

@neptunestoast (plushy slime)

Hugs hugs hugs*

Trying my best not to baby talk I swear. amazing person first person to show up and be like "hey I Wana do something for you and your friends". Love their humor and another gender sibling!!! Hugs for ever for as long as they're ok with it. I love their creativity as well and Noodle is so adorable. I just want to pick them up in a hug so much. Kibbity/silly

@ner5y (no tag woops ill figure something out)

What are you doing here??? How are we friends???

I was absolutely confused and startled when they followed me especially since it was during a spoons argument . Amazing artist like holy heck I wish I was allowed to curse on this blog. Their humor also took me by surprise when I got invited to the discord, and even if they doubt how well they're running it I think they're doing amazing. And I love our silly interactions like this one

@vexation-816 (chaotic ADHD buddy!!!)

Why did it take me so long to follow you istg

ADHD ADHD ADHD my buddy oh pal we both got that and it's driving us insane/silly. Love how creative he is and the ideas for his sona and character lore. Also one of the first people who shared a character they added to my nightlight au. This is getting twords the end and I'm tired of whiting so much and am on a timer oh no. But your amazing dude don't ever forget thag

@butlerbugbunny (anxiety bunny buddy)

This is why I didn't respond to the DM yet hshsh

New friend who I feel anxious talking to sometimes but a wonderful kind bunny who I'm also incredibly happy to be friends with. Love his art so much it's amazing (shoot shoot timer is going off) I'm glad he's their for bun and wish them the best I possibly can 🫶.

@lilithloves-you (lillith my be-loathed?) need to change that

Don't you dare bring up grilled cheese

Glitchys friendo who I'm also friends with now. We don't interact too much but I've sent her on missions to go hug glitchy (to help both of them feel better but shhh). I hope we become closer friends in the future.

[daydreaming-scheming-demon]

i quite honestly believe that nobody is immune to making up bullshit

i don't even believe im immune to making up bullshit, or you, either

and when we make up bullshit, we can sometimes trick ourselves into thinking it's true

i want to use a particular comeback i heard a terf say as a sort of case study here to explain what exactly it is that leads people to making up bullshit

the bullshit im talking about here is "Only gunk comes out of trans women's breasts", said in retaliation to someone asserting that trans women's breasts can produce milk

this bullshit may sound reasonable to someone who has reason to believe in it. but it starts falling apart if you think about it past the surface level, or if you're a biologist. it just doesn't make any sense. firstly, what even is this 'gunk'? that's not a very scientific term. where does it come from? what's the difference in biology that causes this 'gunk'?

of course, there are no answers to any of these questions, because clearly whoever said this did not understand what they were talking about.

but why would someone lie like that? well, you could say it's just because it's a lie that can be used to argue for their side, and you wouldn't exactly be wrong in saying that, but i think it runs deeper than that. in fact, i theorize this person genuinely believed what she was saying, despite having just made it up. so how does that work exactly?

well i believe there's two major factors that went into convincing this person the thing she just made up was true, actually. the first is her existing worldview and beliefs, many such beliefs being socially conditioned from youth. it's bioessentialism, and the general belief that men and women are almost like different species, in mind and body. it's an understandable belief, honestly. i remember back before i cracked and i was just beginning to research about trans people. the fact that trans women grow breasts and don't just have them inserted with surgery was a fact that blew me away. i honestly didn't even believe it at first. it felt too out there to be true. but it's true. male and female bodies just aren't as different as society conditions you to think they are. another fact i found kind of amazing is just how little differences there are between males and females before puberty. the differences are literally so minor. i thought there would've been more. but like, it makes sense, we're all made from human wombs. men aren't from mars and women aren't from... uh... uranus? i honestly forget the phrase.

this social conditioning very likely played a big part in how this person came to believe in their own lie. because the lie simply fits with their existing worldview, ideas that have likely been put into their head since a very young age. and when they learnt that trans women can objectively grow their own breasts, their mind must've jumped to "There is no way they're the same as a cis women's".

and there's another reason. im not gonna talk about this one as much, it's quite a simple reason. it's because she likely wanted to believe it. along with bioessentialism a thing a lot of terfs seem to carry with them is a sort of specialness to women, if that's a word. it's probably not. the belief isn't exclusive to terfs either. it's a kind of opposite to the commonly held beliefs that men are the special ones. now, i want to clarify here, this is not me saying that women can't be special, but i've noticed a lot of terfs seem to romanticize certain very normal traits commonly seen in women, like child birth, or being connected to the moon (which is actually false btw, women have no connection to the moon, id love to explain to you in depth how this falsehood spawned and grew in popularity, but this post is already long enough). honestly, im not entirely against these kinds of beliefs, though they are a little strange to me. and they likely played a role in how this particular terf convinced herself her lie was truth. because she wanted to. because she likely sees breastfeeding as one of these special unique female traits that men could never do, and since she sees trans women as men, and then learns that trans women can actually breastfeed, too. her mind probably rejected the idea outright.

now of course this is still just a theory, im no mind reader. but putting the pieces together, i find it likely that a mix of a socially conditioned worldview where her lie makes sense, and reason to want to believe her lie, were both major factors in her making up bullshit, and then believing in her own bullshit. she spread misinformation to herself, how fun.

now, i want to come back to the beginning of this post. i may have just spent an unnecessarily long time dissecting why someone might possibly have believed in their own lie, but the point of this post im trying to make is that this can be you, too.

sure, maybe you're not a terf. maybe. but i really do believe that anybody is capable of making up bullshit under the right circumstances. even me. maybe what im saying right now is bullshit, after all, im still only speculating here.

sure, the worldview and beliefs that may have tricked this particular person aren't great. but any set of beliefs could do the same, even if they're 'correct' beliefs.

things exist in this world that could make your beliefs look wrong, no matter what they are. the world doesn't twist itself to anyone's worldview. and sometimes, when we're put under certain circumstances, our worldview, our beliefs, and whatever reasons we have to want to believe something, they can lead you to making up bullshit and tricking your mind into thinking it's true.

so please, think about where you got the facts you state from.

and you know, this post was just supposed to be about making up bullshit, but ive realized this relates to more than just making up facts, it relates to believing in facts. how some things can go unchecked due to our biases, how we can look needlessly for anything that affirms our beliefs. and nobody's immune to this. nobody. we're all susceptible to our own biases. and that's why we need to look out for them. admit that you're biased, admit that you're emotional, and maybe then you can work through your biases to an extent.

ultimately, i could've just started this post off like that. "We're all BIASED and we must ADMIT to ourselves we are BIASED to work through them! thANKS FOR READINGGGG!!!!!! :-DDDDD" the post could've been that simple, but i extended it out to an absurd amount of words. eh, whatever. i enjoyed dissecting that particular case of bullshit. hopefully someone gets something out of this unnecessarily long post.

[helenarasmussen87]

Another post of JJK and I think I may have gotten it all out of my system by now regarding the ending. Under the cut cause this might be a long one. And go off into random directions.

I have read a lot of takes on the ending and the characters and I again had some thoughts on some of the takes I read.

Some of them sounded like justification for the bungled ending (just writing wise, I'll talk about Gojo later) It was a punishing series. It was dark. It was grim. It was a tragedy.

I couldn't help but to contrast it with other series and other media. I know Demon Slayer gets a lot of flack due to the hurried ending...But it ended in a way that made sense and tied up its ends. Secondary characters got a nod and thematically it made sense. It wasn't abrupt nor did it leave so many plot threads loose and dangling.

The main thing that it had was that it *respected* its secondary and driving characters. Even the ones that weren't necessarily favourites. They all got a thematic and respectful send off. Something that JJK lacked and I noticed was sort of brushed off or "explained" by the nature of the series.

Demon Slayer had literally *two* Hashiras survive and left with life altering injuries as was the MC and his love interest. All three mark bearers (Tomioka, Sanemi, and Tanjiro) have the implied fate that they will die before they hit 25 due to the marks they awakened. That's kind of the opposite of a happy ending.

I'll also briefly mention Chainsaw Man that finished off Part 1 with a conclusive and satisfactory ending that can also stand alone. It didn't ignore or erase any of the main cast and most of the plot threads were tied up pretty well that if someone stopped reading at part 1, they left with a pretty decent conclusion. And that story was pretty grim also.

Another take I saw was one about being forgotten even by your closest loved ones no matter what impact you had on their lives or the world.

Which honestly sounds like an excuse to gloss over Gojo saying he's going to be forgotten and how Yuuji should be tired of Gojo himself. Or why he didn't even get a funeral or a farewell. Realistically, no. Every culture has some kind of ritual to remember those that have passed on. Even the ones that supposedly think that. Kafka wanted his writings burned. His friend published them, so we have his words and he is remembered.

It also made me think of Gojo himself, who never forgot Geto, thus putting him at odds with what he's telling Yuuji to do. Or how Yuuji himself mourned Junpei and Nanami. And Megumi still mourned Tsumiki. It is at odds with what we're presented in the text. All of them are remembered as *people* rather than tools or devices.

If others think of a tool when they think of Gojo, then he will be forgotten. But Yuuji more than anyone, saw him as Gojo and that is why it doesn't work if that was supposed to be a message.

(I won't count Yuuta in this since he just...moved on after he got his body back. He did argue against using Gojo's body, but nothing else. And that grotesque sacrifice amounted to nothing if society is still the same)

Despite what Gojo said, Yuuji can't/won't forget him and is in his own way, honouring that legacy. Not a perfect way, but that would be the writing more than anything.

I understand that Akutami may have written himself into a corner, or not listened to editors. Or was utterly fed up with it. Or was sick. I get that, but writing like this just tarnishes what could have been a decent series.

My point is that even if there other factors, ending it in a way that had most of the plot points resolved would have been a better send off that what we got here. And how no matter how it is examined, the ending was bad due to not only a pointless conclusion, but the lack of respect to a major player that smacks of pettiness and overall meanness.

I think that most people would have forgiven the missteps in the story if the ending had been handled differently

Ed-

One last post regarding whether Gojo coming back would be a happy ending for the reader than for him.

I'm going with no it's not just for the readers. Even if he came back with half his power, he'd want to be there to continue helping shape Jujutsu society. He loved being powerful and a fighter, but he was always alone and he found his connection with the trio and the second years. After Geto died, he rebuilt those connections.

It's not fanon to say he wouldn't be happy. He'd see a goal achieved and that's satisfaction and a cause of joy. He would even live as an actualised being. Which people forget that he also wanted.

Yes, he killed the higher ups. As IF he didn't have the means to hush it up. He also did everyone a favour that was tacitly acknowledged. No one would dare to bring it up.

So he would and could possibly find a joy in living in a world he helped bring about and shape. Wishing him dead with Geto (Who is in hell, since even in reincarnation cycles, he'd be there for what he did before he moves on) is as reductive as the fans just wanting him back cause he was shafted.

Just my two pence.

[wittywallflower]

(I haven't finished any of your stories yet, sorry. 😓But...) For the fic writer ask game, how about 1, 60, and 70, please?

no worries! i never really expect anyone to read my fic. my best friend in the world for almost 20 years now has never read a single one of my fics lol. Fic can be so highly selective. First there's gotta be overlap in a fandom that i write that you want to read fic for. Then that fic has to have a pairing or tags that appeal to you. And a summary that you are interested in reading. And then you gotta open it up and see if my writing style even sounds good to you. a lot of factors gotta come together here, is what I'm saying. maybe those stars aren't aligned yet, oh well. lol

Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

one-shot scenes come easier to me, but i always feel like i need a lot of set-up to get to that scene, so they turn into multi-chaptered fics despite me. I cant just post 3.7k with an author's note like "okay in this scene X has happened so Y&Z are in a confrontation but avoiding talking about ABC because Y did 123".

this is mainly me making things difficult for myself. i suck at finishing multichapter fics so i really should settle for posting shit as one-shots instead of sitting on them for two years because i tell myself i need transition scenes to lead in and out or whatever

60. Have you had a writer you admire comment on your fic? What was that like?

I am gonna be flat out honest with you: I dont pay attention to who authors fics i read. unless it is coming to me from the author who is a mutual on tumblr "here read this fic i wrote about our fave blorbo" my mind simply does not retain the author's name. Honestly it rarely retains the story title either. I will be halfway through the first chapter and only remember the summary and the wordcount and that's about it. "was this the rated G or was this the PWP? *scrolls back up* sometimes i forget what the main ship even is until I'm like "wait why aren't these two flirting with each other like usual? Oh shit this isn't for THAT otp"

so when i get lovely comments, i don't even know if its from another writer unless i think to go check their profile.

70. When asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

one of two situations is happening when i talk to people about writing:

-its online, so they know of fanfic. they probably read fanfic themselves. i feel no embarrassment mentioning I write it

or

-its IRL and the people i interact with IRL are very Not-Online. they dont know what fanfic is. I rarely care enough to bother explaining and will just list the genres i tend to write fanfic in when they ask what i write.

I'm not embarrassed by it because i really don't give a shit about the opinion of someone who didn't know what fanfic was until i explained it. And since i don't care about their opinion on it, i don't tend to waste the time explaining it to begin with. lol

[tolkiendefiled]

The Rings of Power Got Renewed… Again

Finally, Amazon decided the fate of the Rings of Power. Surprise! They renewed it for a third season.

Honestly, it’s not that much of a surprise. Amazon spent two billion dollars getting the TV rights for the Lord of the Rings and making the Rings of Power. They’re not cancelling this show unless the viewership is literally in the single digits. I’m not even sure how Amazon factors in the profitability of the series, since the company makes money in so many different sectors. The Hollywood Reporter says:

“The first season of the Rings of Power remains Prime Video’s biggest TV premiere, while the second season is the streamer’s most watched returning season by number of hours watched. Amazon says 170 million viewers worldwide have checked out the show and it’s been one of the strongest drivers for new Prime membership signups.”

(Source: https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/tv/tv-news/rings-of-power-season-3-renewed-1236134859/)

I can’t disprove that claim, but I have a hard time believing that the Rings of Power was a big draw for new Prime memberships, since season two brought in fewer viewers than season one.The company Luminate tracked the data and, according to their report (as you can see below), the Rings of Power lost 60% of its viewers from season one to season two. The show’s numbers were on par with Loki and Secret Invasion. And based on other data from the report, somewhere in the same range as Percy Jackson and the Acolyte. Lots of shows take a dip in viewers season to season, but this is a big dip. You’d get vertigo looking down at this dip.

In fairness, though, if the Rings of Power doesn’t pull in a massive audience, Amazon could kind of write that off. Two billion dollars is a hell of a loss, but before a $2.5 trillion company (Amazon’s current market value), that’s barely a drop in the pond. I doubt anyone at Amazon wants the show to bomb, but it ultimately isn’t constrained by the same incentives as other shows. It also doesn’t seem to have the same audience, since a lot of its supposed fans clearly didn’t turn out for season two and barely anybody talks about the show. You’d think, with all the hardcore fans Amazon claims loved the show, that we’d be tripping over articles and videos about the end of season two and what might happen in season three. But, no. It’s been pretty quiet. Speaking of the next season, according to the Hollywood Reporter, season three will feature a time jump. They provided the log line for the season.

“Jumping forward several years from the events of season 2, season 3 takes place at the height of the War of the Elves and Sauron, as the Dark Lord seeks to craft the One Ring that will give him the edge he needs to win the war and conquer all Middle-earth at last.”

I said, years ago, that the showrunners should use time jumps to simplify the story because of how much time passes between events. The idea was to skip over long periods, decades, some cases hundreds of years, where nothing major happens. Time jumping into a war, however, creates a new set of problems because now they have to reset the board so everyone knows what’s going on in the war and explain what everyone’s been up to since the previous season. Remember, there are only eight episodes per season, so this would easily take up one or two episodes for a normal show with a typical cast size. But also remember that they’ve got several different groups to keep track of: the Elves, the Southlanders, the Númenóreans, the Dwarves, the Hobbits, the Wizards, and Sauron. That’s seven groups to track, more if you count when the groups split up. They’re making it harder on themselves than they need to and they’re kind of forgetting all the storylines were left on cliffhangers. They’re just going to hop skippity jump past that to get to the war? You’re just going to leave all of those dangling plot lines to try to clean up in the middle of a war story, while also trying to handle seven different story arcs at once? That. Is bold.

But I will give them credit. They are consistently inexplicable. Why would you do this to yourselves? It’s just a headache you don’t need to have. Keep in mind, some of the story arcs don’t intersect. The Wizards and Hobbits have nothing to do with the main plot. They’re just there. When you get to the main plot, the remaining five groups split into subgroups with their own subplots, all crammed into nine hours of TV. It’s just madness. If they were going to have all those story arcs crammed into a show and then try to do a time jump, they should’ve wrapped up the cliffhangers at the end of season two, so they wouldn’t have all these dangling plot lines. But that makes sense and, like I’ve said before, this ain’t that kind of show. Instead, they’re going to plow their way into a war story with no real setup. It’s almost like the people in charge have never run a show before.

[shesthemoon]

another long letter, not text.

I thought by now I would be over this. I thought that writing on here would've ended years ago. but here I am writing... keeping myself from texting you a long paragraph that you will more than likely ignore or tell me something that I probably wouldn't want to hear.

for the last five years I tried to forget you. I tried dating, therapy, moving but yet nothing has helped. nobody seems to amount to you, every time I think someone could help me forget you I realize that I am just comparing and analyzing everything that is not like you. because of you I crave a love so strong that is probably impossible to find. I crave a guy that opens the door, takes out the trash, cooks, loves and teaches me something new everyday. I crave a love like the one you used to give me after November 2019.

even though it's been five years it seems like every time we make love it's like the first time all over again. seems like when you simply hug me I am at ease with everything around me. when your lips touch my lips I feel this vibration in my body that is hard to explain. every time we meet again I hope that this time around you tell me how you really feel. you tell me that this is where we both belong with each other. but I know you never will. I've come to the conclusion that for you this is just something that will never happen again and I am just delusional.

for the past three weeks I've had constant dreams where you play the main character and what I hate the most is that every dream is beautiful. in every dream we are happy, we are in good spirits. I hate it because my delusion has led me to believe that those dreams will one day be true again. I am so deeply in love that I am blinding my self with all this. I am scared for myself.

the last time I saw you I could see the pain that I once saw when you said to me "I'm just dealing with a lot." that was in June of 2019 I remember the hurt in your eyes but I didn't know what was wrong then and I don't know what is wrong now but I do know that something again isn't right. the only thing that is different is that I might be able to have a better guess there's only a few things that could be wrong.

I know I probably shouldn't have been there... in your house with your family in a space that I once used to be in and was welcomed without any hesitation but I don't think you understand the warmth it brought to my heart even when you weren't there. then seeing your face and the look in your eyes confirmed that maybe this is not a space you want to see me in anymore, and that is understandable. I also have to learn that it is not all about me. I have to understand that you no longer want me around and that although this is all I ever wanted this is no longer your dream.

if you knew I cry every night for you, you'd probably think I'm crazy. you'd probably think that I am exaggerating but if you just knew that I am angry with myself for not being able to love you the way you wanted me to. I am angry because I know that you too did wrong. I am angry because I have to continue my life without you. I am angry because every time I see you I fall deeper in love with you. I am angry because I know that one day you will find someone and they will be the luckiest person in the world to have you. I am angry because I know that one day you will love again, so unruly that I will no longer be a factor.

throughout the years I've learn to love myself stronger, I have learned that who ever I choose to love next I will make sure to love the right way. I have taught myself that no matter how much you may love someone it does not mean they will love you back. these years have been tough but rewarding in a strange way. I have learned that although I want to be over you I rather not be just yet. I have accepted that until I can fully be over you I won't rush it. I am ok with being single until I have completely been over you because then I just spend most of the time comparing whoever I am dating to you.

this is long and you probably won't read this but if you do I want you to understand one thing, I will never ask God to help me forget you. I love, loving you and I'll be ok loving you alone. I'll be ok not finding anyone else but I just hope that throughout it all you find someone to love you endlessly and that you love someone the same way. I wish you nothing but happiness and peace.

I love you.

I miss you.

[nickgerlich]

Proud As A Peacock

I love to use metaphors when I teach, because they are powerful word pictures that can often do far more than words themselves. For example, in my Consumer Behavior class, I always start off by telling students they have two suitcases and a backpack with them at all times.

Even if they aren’t going anywhere.

The puzzled looks on their faces give way to nods of understanding fairly quickly once I explain that this baggage is the stuff we tote along inside our heads, knowingly or unknowingly, every time we shop. I suppose you could extend the metaphor and say we take these items with us everywhere we go, even when we’re not shopping, which would be true. I’m more concerned with the buyer behavior, though.

Back to the luggage: The first suitcase is filled with sociological artifacts, things like culture, gender roles, norms, expectations, social sanctions, and so forth. Where we live, and where we were raised, shape us in ways we cannot begin to count.

The second suitcase is filled with psychographic constructs, like our personal beliefs, motives, attitudes, and so forth. These are intrinsic, whereas the first suitcase is extrinsic, and these, too, influence our buyer behavior. Are you a “Buy American” kind of person? That is an attitude that predisposes you to buy only American brand name vehicles, even though they may have more foreign content in them than a Toyota Camry made in Kentucky.

Lastly, the backpack contains all of our demographics, the things that are countable. Some of these things are immutable, like race, ethnicity, and our birth sex. Notice I danced around that last one carefully, because gender expression is another thing completely. Some of these factors change over time, such as our household composition (married, divorced, children, etc.) and age. We cannot turn back the hands of time (oooh….another fine metaphor!).

And it is age that is our topic du jour. “Finally,” they say. DrG was a real windbag this morning getting to his point, amirite?

Remember when Peacock streamed an NFL Playoff game a couple of weeks ago? Many folks lost their minds and complained loudly, but when the dust settled, viewership was noteworthy: more than 21 million watched the game on Peacock. But it is in the aftermath that even more important numbers were distilled: The median age of viewers was about 10 years younger than for similar NFL Playoff games.

If the NFL script writers—you know, those people the conspiracy theorists are still contending the whole thing was a charade meant to throw a presidential run—were aiming at a younger demo, they could not have done a better job. And I say “Job well done!” We all know how to reach them now. Forget linear TV. Streaming is the ticket.

Of course, there were other nuggets to be mined as well. There was significantly more out-of-home viewing, meaning that a lot more people watched the game at sports bars. And in terms of demographics, the distribution shifted to the left—meaning younger—significantly. In the 18-34 demo, viewership was up 67%, while in the overall 18-49 group, viewership was up 44%.

And then it turns dark. In the 50 and up group, viewership dropped like the temperature does here after a blue norther passes through. Last year the 50+ demo accounted for 60% of viewers, while this year it was only 46%.

Basically what the analysts discovered is that younger people are more likely to stream their TV, something we have seen play out with all the cord-cutting of the last decade. And older viewers, bless our hearts, are just grumpy traditionalists who don’t like change so much. Present company excluded, of course.

Which brings up an important question: In your quest to reach a younger demo, the folks who have lower numbers in their backpack of existence, do you start ignoring those who have higher numbers? I have had this discussion many times lately with my younger brother (I am 65, and he turns 60 in a couple of months). He is adamantly opposed to streaming, although he is fine with his YouTube TV and regional Bally Sports. He refuses to start shelling out money for Netflix, Max, Peacock, et al. And Amazon Prime’s Thursday night football? Forget about it. That’s a big no there also, because he doesn’t shop there, much less pay $139 a year to go Prime.

To each their own, I guess, but eventually self-imposed marginalization will leave you with very few choices. Furthermore, as much as we Boomers love to brag on ourselves and have enjoyed being societal darlings since 1946, we are slowly fading into the sunset. We’ll all be gone soon enough.

Thus, it looks like the NFL has set its sights on younger demos, the people who have many years ahead of them, and who have happily adopted the new way of consuming media. Sports and news, as I have said before, are about the only vestiges of linear television worth watching, and the streaming giants want in on it. Don’t believe me? In the past two weeks, Netflix has inked a deal with WWE, and the unlikely trio of Disney, Warner Bros, and Fox announced they are forming a super streaming sports app this fall.

I get it. Even though Boomers hold about 53% of the wealth in this country, we’re not spending it like younger folks spend their money. We may travel if we are healthy, but the best of our consuming days are behind us. Yes, we have money, but we’re holding.

I not only get it, but I am good with it. I have seen this phenomenon too many times in my own life, mostly while viewing people older than me simply refusing to change anymore. I realize that change is unsettling for some, and I suppose even I will reach an age at which I say, “I’ve had enough.” I hope that’s the day before I die, though.

As for Peacock and all the streamers rushing to offer sports, I say go for it. There’s no future in getting old, and you have to go where the customers are, baggage and all.

Dr “Take My Money” Gerlich

Audio Blog

[bradleysbradshaws]

I am getting up at 5 a.m. to type this (tbh, I don't think I've gotten a full night's sleep in maybe two years now, even before Roosmav).

I try to be lighthearted about the fictional stuff because it is just that to me...fiction...and it was incredibly ridiculous of me to have made such a big deal about any of it in the first place. That part I know and have known for a very long time. There were so many factors to it that I've explained some of already - a lot of external and internal stresses that boiled into making it a very inopportune time to have fallen so intensely in love with something that I feel just as passionately about as I had over a year ago.

On a human level, it all still bothers me so much, and of course I know most of it was my own problem. I really, really put a specific person through so much stress - and when I think back in retrospect, all the things that she used to listen to me complain about are things that she liked, and she still listened to all of my nonsense because I know at the time she was trying her best to be patient with someone she had considered a friend. She had been the person to, frankly, survive me on the level that she did, until it got to the point that even remembering that I exist became something damaging in itself. I don't forget what I put her through. That's the part that will always bother me so much on a human level.

And I try to be light-hearted about it now because there was a time - for a very long time - that I felt...just...every day that I wanted my life to be over because of all of this. I know that me joking about it probably comes off as even more flippant and obnoxious now, considering how dramatic I had once been about the very same things, but for me, it's definitely a way to cope. I do know what it was like to cry every day for the longest time, so me turning around and acting like it all never happened is a way to even try to function.

I hate "drama" - and I hate the fact that I keep trying to exist in Roosmav is construed as drama. I've never dealt with something like this in my life, with so many layers of hurt and misunderstanding involving people who I still really, really like so much and are the last people who I would want to dislike me. But it just is, and I have absolutely no idea how to handle it. If I joke about it, it's like I never took any of it seriously when clearly, I did. But if I don't joke about it, then it becomes horrifically traumatic like it had once been.

So, no...I take none of it lightly. Of course, I don't mind any of the fictional things anymore - and I haven't for a very long time - but all the human-level things have not gotten any less troubling for me.

[lavender-eyed-lies]

Just in this God awful mental place and I can't forget how surprised my therapist was that while I had ptsd and while I blamed myself for what happened I never bad talked myself, my self esteem wasn't affected.

It didn't click until she mentioned you can have protective factors. Things or people who can help support you so that your mental health in that area doesn't completely rock bottom.

And I laughed at the time because I couldn't think of a single person who got mad on my behalf, supported me, or protected me. I can't recall a single compliment that wasn't about what I could do for other people.

Except now that he's gone it's all I can think about.

He'd get angry at how my ex treated me, to be fair he got mad at me for letting myself be treated poorly. He was there metaphorically holding my hand from as far back as I can remember. Keeping me safe, the voice of reason in my ear that I heard but often ignored. The person who loved me more than I could accept and just kept trying anyway.

It hurts.

The more I remember the more it hurts.

I hate this.

I don't regret a single moment of loving him

But it fucking hurts, like my hearts being pulled from my body, like my lungs forget how to breathe, how do you lose the person who's been with you you're whole life and just function?

It's been almost two years this November.

Maybe I need to go back to therapy, no one else seems to struggle like this in my life. Or at least if they do they keep it to themselves, not that I have any room to talk.

I don't know how to explain to my therapist that I lied to her the whole time, that there was someone, but I took for granted that he'd always be here and now I'm suffering the consequences.

[batteredwarriorstillstanding]

"I love you, inexplicably. But, for reasons very obvious, cannot fucking stand you sometimes," is a statement I recently made that I will always try to remember as the Final Analysis of this marathon "project" incited by the need to finally digest an inexplicable 20 year crush of extreme intensity (something nowhere near matched by anything else I had ever experienced) Frustration marked every attempt to communicate with her....frustration of an artificially enhanced and and seemingly weaponized variety...this was a perfect example. I know what she is referring to when discussing these "truths I need to accept." What I attempted to explain to her for at least a month, is that the "truth" of that particular situation is a long way from her understanding of it....yet, she never budget from her position that correctly factoring these long eschewed "truths" into my self assessment would not only be painful, but ultimately freeing and growth enhancing. It would also, I am guessing, in her mind, cause an accurate enough self assessment, aside from the delusional fairy tale I now hold, which would take care of my desire to feel close eniugh to her equal to be so bold as to repeatedly pester her for a "discussion." There is no chance-none- that she missed my discussion of this topic, just did not care or believe me....even enough to follow up.....and besides, even the flawed data that was used for years is b a long shot, much better than it tends to be described. Anyway...I am done with this. I am right and can prove it easily. Fuck you I you don't believe me.i just saw the green eyed whatever blog. Why did you not just directly answer any of my inquiries if this is how you felt? That I am simply not good enough.....I need to forget about this. I am starting to feel hate anger well up from within...and that's not necessary. I simply need follow through on a coupke of opportunities and gather the means for a much deserved fresh start. I absolutely CAN leave THIS behind forever.

[m1dfielder]

It meant a lot to the midfielder that Alex trusted him this much with his cousin. Of course he had that idea when he started to hint that there was something more there, push them into the direction of revealing how they felt about one another, but now this was another step in showing him how much that trust extended. It was something Jo had no intention of breaking. Still, it was always surprising to him how well the other managed to pick up on how Jo had felt in the first place. Then again, Alex had seen him practically grow up in almost ten years together. It seemed he needed that reminder as he let out a small chuckle and nodded. "Right. I keep forgetting how long you've known me, been around me. Still, didn't think I was that easy to read." His hand lifts to scratch at the back of his head, only nodding again when he explains how Ansel knew. "Of course he remembered, why would he forget your cousin had a crush on me five years ago." Jo replied with a shake of his head. "I don't know how he does that because I don't think I could ever manage to remember something like that, but I appreciate he doesn't just tell everyone else about it. And I know he never would, I'm not worried about that. Once you told me he knew, that worry never really came to me." He leaned back into his locker and chuckled again, the smile remaining. "Glad to know she also gets teased then, even if mine are less obvious than her's I imagine." Seeing as it wasn't probably around the team when it happened. If there was one thing he was at least certain, outside of the teasing, it was the fact he knew he was in a better place because of what Alex did. There weren't exactly many words he could use to describe it but he knew he was happier. That was the most telling factor.

"Mmmhmm." Jo found himself humming, showing he didn't entirely believe it being a new talent but just one he didn't need to use until now. But it once more circled back to trust, the other fully trusting that he wasn't doing anything wrong. The tease a show of his love and trust and knowing that Jo was taking this seriously. That was just who Jo was in the end, relationships were serious to him and he took other's feelings in that regard to heart. If he wasn't feeling a connection, then he would let them down gently but he knew with Davina there was so much more there. This was deeper than that, this was something that could go their entire lives, not that he was going to say that to Alex right now. That was for him, and later Davina when the time felt right. Though he is pulled from those thoughts when the other begins to speak up again. Blue eyes lift to land on the taller blond as he begins to listen intently. "I mean we both are on the same page, you don't have to worry about that." Jo replies before he feels himself beginning to blush slightly, head now casting down as he sends a nervous chuckle out as a way to recover. "I like her a lot, yeah." It's what he was going to get out of him for now. "I know she can be and I think of her so you don't have to think I'm taking advantage of that, I'd never." More and more they were sounding like a couple as Jo spoke and honestly? That was what the were in the end. "I am trying to make sure she knows she doesn't have to be like that, especially with me. I just want her to be happy." It was all he wanted for her, his gaze up at Alex showed that enough. That he was meaning every word he said to the keeper. Maybe it helped that Jo wasn't the kind to people please. He aimed to do what he could to the very best of his ability, sure he hated letting people down but making them happy wasn't the end goal. His face paled at the other's words and he nearly choked on the spit he had tried to swallow. Clearing his throat, he nodded in understanding. "Yeah, no, of course. I wouldn't want you walking in on anything either." A hand lifted to rub at the back of his neck while brow furrowed briefly. "Uh, I suppose I am now. I know she'll text me about that so.....Ja, I'll be there."

                                          when  it  came  to  his  cousin  ,  he  felt  more  protective  than  anything.  mostly  because  she  was  basically  like  a  little  sister  to  him.  and  truthfully,  she  could  be  a  bit  on  the  naive  side.  too  trusting.  and  the  last  thing  he  wanted  to  see  was  her  hurt.  not  that  jo  would  do  that.  hell,  jo  wasn't  that  type.  and  alex  knew  that.  it  was  amusing  though  –  to  watch  how  the  two  of  them  interacted.  even  from  the  start.  alex  had  noticed.  he  wasn't  blind  to  the  way  jo  had  looked  at  her  before  the  two  of  them  started  talking.  at  least  he  knew  that  there  was  something  there.  and  he  already  knew  how  vee  felt  when  it  came  to  the  midfielder.   alex  laughed  at  jo's  words.  "  we've  been  teammates  for  years  .  i've  picked  up  on  quite  a  lot.  "  the  goalkeeper  replied.  no  doubt  about  it  ,  jo  had  improved  so  much  the  last  few  games  they  had.  more  confidence.  and  sure  ,  the  games  had  been  rough  but  everyone  wasn't  having  the  best  season  so  far.  it  seemed  as  if  having  davina  there  though  ,  had  given  joshua  more  confidence  and  despite  any  losses  suffer  ,  alex  had  noticed  that  he  didn't  take  them  nearly  as  bad  as  he  was.  and  even  outside  of  games,   he  was  more  happier.  davina  was  good  for  him  and  alex  was  making  a  note  to  make  sure  she'd  attend  as  many  games  as  she  could.  not  that  it  would  be  any  issue.  she  seemed  to  enjoy  the  game  itself  and  watching  joshua.    "  in  ansel's  defense,  he  was  there  when  vee  asked  about  you  a  few  years  ago.  and  of  course  –  he  remembers  things  fairly  well.  but  ja  ,  no  worries  on  that.  he  doesn't  mention  it  around  the  team.  just  to  her  and  me.  "

             teasing  both  of  them  was  just  so  much  fun.  though  ,  alex  made  sure  not  to  push  too  much  considering  davina  could  get  a  tad  snappy  depending  on  how  annoyed  she  already  was  from  something  earlier  in  the  day.  but  at  this  point  ,  she  was  use  to  it.  almost  all  the  time  rolling  her  eyes  and  getting  flustered  over  the  comments.   another  laugh  came  from  alex  over  jo  teasing  him  back.  "  it's  a  new-founded  talent  ,  i  suppose.  "  alex  didn't  mind  being  teased  in  return.  alex  figured  jo  and  davina  were  taking  their  time  with  what  they  have.  or  at  least  as  slow  as  they  could.  wanting  everything  to  last  and  he  could  tell  without  joshua  even  saying  anything  to  him  that  he  was  being  serious  about  davina.  hell,  the  opposite  never  crossed  his  mind.  jo  had  never  came  off  to  be  the  type  to  fuck  around  and  not  be  serious.    it's  yet  another  reason  why  he  wasn't  worried  about  the  midfielder  not  being  able  to  be  trusting.   arm  went  up  to  brace  himself  against  one  of  the  walls  as  jo  spoke  again.  "  exactly.  i  wanted  to  be  sure  of  both  sides  and  the  intentions.  though,  i  didn't  doubt  either  of  you.  she's  fallen  for  you  quick,  jo.  and  i  can  tell  you  have  too.  "  a  small  smirk  formed  at  the  corner  of  the  goalkeeper's  lips.  "  we  are  but  ,  she's  gotta  think  about  herself  some.  vee  can  be  .  .  .  a  bit  of  a  people  pleaser.  she's  trying  though.  which  is  another  reason  i'd  think  you're  perfect  for  her.  break  out  of  that  sort  of  thing.   "  as  bad  as  that  sounded  ,  he  hated  that  vee  was  that  way.  and  how  he'd  witness  people  take  advantage  of  it  in  the  past.   alex  let  out  a  small  laugh  at  the  mention  of  the  bedroom.  "  because  i  don't  need  to  walk  into  anything  ,  ja?  thin  walls  are  enough.  "  of  course  he  was  teasing  once  again  though  ,  there  were  a  lot  of  truths  to  it.  he  wasn't  deaf  and  they  weren't  as  secretive  about  what  went  on.  "  are  you  coming  by  tonight?  i  got  plans  of  my  own.  so  i  won't  be  around.  " 

[daisyblog]

Just Hold On

Our Story Masterlist Summary: Harry takes care of YN.

Warning: grief, loss of a loved one, upset, crying

Four days. Four days of feeling helpless. Watching her cry, not knowing how to stop her pain. Harry was expecting her to shut herself away but he had read that grief hits people differently, which explains her constant movement as she cleaned and rearranged everything she could. It was almost like she was afraid to stop and be alone with her thoughts.

Cutting his thoughts, Harry’s phone rang from where it sat on the kitchen island 'Mum' it read.

"Hey Mum". Harry greeted as he pottered around the kitchen, moving some used cutlery to the sink to wash later.

"Hi darling..how's YN today?" Anne’s delicate voice spoke through the speaker.

"She's okay..I just feel so helpless..like I hate seeing her hurting" Harry’s voice was deflated, he needed his Mum’s wise words.

"Oh darling...I know it's heartbreaking..I just can't stop thinking about them all..and the little ones" Anne sympathised on the other end of the phone.

"Yeh..they don't quite understand..YN spoke with her grandparents earlier". Harry explained about Ernest and Doris.

"Poor babies..are you going to watch Louis tonight?".

"Yeh..yeh YN's just gone to get ready..I think he's so brave for doing it..but I know it's what their Mum would have wanted" He gently spoke to his Mum as he continued to pace around the room.

"She would have..she loved watching him perform..they're stong..YN and Louis I mean". Anne thought out loud.

"That's what I'm afraid of Mum..I'm like..I'm worried she's going to hold it all together and..and..I don't know crumble I suppose". Harry’s voice rambled his thoughts.

"Harry..that's where she's gonna need you...let her be strong for everyone else..she's probably going to hold it all together for her sisters and brother...but you be the one that holds her yeh”.

"Yeh..I didn't think of it like that".

"Look after her love...she's going to need you now more than ever". Anne’s words were wise.

"I'll always look after her Mum".

"I know you will...I love you darling...give YN a big cuddle from me".

"I will..I love you too Mum".

"Bye love".

After the conversation with his Mum, Harry could hear some music playing upstairs. Following the sound, he was led to YN standing in their bedroom looking at a black plain dress that was laid across the duvet, and he recognised ABBA playing from the speaker.

"Hey baby" Harry’s voice startled her.

"Shit...you scared me" YN laughed. Harry had missed her laugh. It was one of his favourite sounds.

"Sorry..I didn't mean to...Abba huh?”.

"I remember when I was younger...me Mum would be doing her make-up or whatever..in her bedroom and..um...we would all be in there with her and she'd always play ABBA...and we would all dance and I dunno..sorry it's silly". As YN spoke, Harrg moved closer to her so he could listen.

"Hey..it's not silly..if listening to music helps...then do it" Harry gently spoke as he wrapped his arms around her in comfort. As she leaned her head on Harry’s chest, he had an idea. "Alexa..play Dancing Queen".

"What are you doin'?" YN looked up at him with a confused expression.

"We're going to dance!” Harry stated like it was the most obvious thing.

"Bu-" YN began before Harry interrupted her.

"No buts!” Harry’s voice was deep.

Ooh You can dance You can jive Having the time of your life Ooh, see that girl Watch that scene Digging the dancing queen

And that's how they got ready that afternoon, dancing around in their bedroom, singing into hairbrushes and forgetting the world around them for a moment.

---

Harry and YN were on their way to Fountain Studios, where Louis was performing his new song on The X Factor. As Harry drove, YN sat silently in the passenger seat as reality hit her again. Almost like it was a coincidence, a familiar song played through the speakers, causing their heads to snap towards each other.

"Fook off!" YN's voice broke the silence "They..I haven't..they don't play this on the radio anymore.” She couldn’t help but stutter.

"Almost like it was meant to be ey?”. Harry wore a big smile at how perfectly timed the song played.

"I remember when you sang this to me drunk once..cringey as fook it was". YN laughed at the memory,

"Don't fucking lie...you loved it". Harry was enjoying the happy moment between them.

"I did actually" YN finally admitted.

"Because you're gorgeous, I'd do anything for you, because you're gorgeous, I know you'll get me through" Harry sung along with the radio and reached over to hold her hand that sat on her knee.

As the song finished Harry was quick to speak again "You know I would do anything for you don't you?".

Her hand in Harry’s squeezed his slightly before she spoke the three words Harry loved hearing "I love you".

"I love you too gorgeous!”.

---

As they entered the busy room backstage where Louis and people from his team currently were, YN leaves Harry’s arms and immediately finds her brother in the crowd. Instantly they wrap their arms around each other and Harry can see Louis talk into her ear. Harry stands back in the corner and allows them to have their moment. From where he stands he can see YN nod slightly at whatever Louis says to her.

Two bodies break Harry from his thoughts as they stand next to him. “Hey man..how you doin'?”. Liam's the first one to talk.

"Just trying to be there for her if I'm 'onest..she just..she's trying to keep herself busy all the time" Harry explained to the two boys as he continued to look in YN’s direction.

"Must be so hard" Niall spoke as he took a glance at Louis and YN.

"We're gonna go and stay with my Mum for a few days before heading to Doncaster for Christmas...just escape reality for a bit...YN suggested it". Harry spoke about their plans for the next few weeks.

"Might be good..you know to be around other people..take her mind off things" Liam nodded his head.

"Yeah I hope so" Harry thought out loud, hoping they were right.

Louis was talking to a member of his team so YN made her way back over and Niall was the first to pull her into a brotherly embrace.

"Tomlinson...I've missed your hugs" Niall spoke as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders. Watching the sight in front of him made Harry realise how much love YN had around her.

"Yeah..well save some for the rest of us mate" Liam joked. YN moved from Niall's hold and greeted Liam in a hug. Harry could hear Liam's voice as he wrapped his arm around her. “We're all here for you too okay..don't be afraid to call or text okay?" to which YN thanked him. This wasn't just friendship, this was family.

"Is Lou okay?" Harry asked YN as she moved closer to him, before reaching to hold his hand.

"Think he's just holding it together if I'm 'onest" YN spoke as her fingers played with Harry, whilst looking over at her brother.

"Where's your Nan and Grandad...and the girls?" Harry asked as he looked around the room, not being able to see them. Niall and Liam were talking amongst themselves.

"Phebs and Dais wanted to see the audience empty or somethin'...I'm gonna stay backstage to watch Lou..if you don't mind?".

"Wh-why would I mind...we'll do whatever you're comfortable with" Harry reassured her and pecked her lips in a quick motion.

"Some things never change huh...still disgustingly in love..feel like I'm back in 2013" Niall teased them, which Harry was glad of because he thought that's what YN needed, for people to still act the same.

"Aw shut up Horan" YN laughed, as she pushed his arm playfully.

"I'll wait until you find the one" Harry joked as he pulled YN even closer to his side.

"I feel sorry for her already" YN continued to tease Niall as he stood there with a smile on his face.

"You're a cheeky shit Tommo..you know that" Niall joked.

Louis found them standing in the corner and pulled Niall then Liam into a hug and thanked them both for coming, explaining how much it meant to him. "C'mon Harold...I won't leave you out" Louis joked and Harry wrapped his arm around him as he whispers in his ear "Has she been okay?".

"Yeh and no" Harry truthfully answered, as they broke apart.

"I'm looking forward to hearing your song" Liam broke the silence.

"I'm so fookin' nervous man...I couldn't even finish sound check earlier..just dunno..felt like I was gonna throw up". Louis shrugged his shoulders, a nervous habit of his as he spoke.

Niall tapped Louis on the shoulder and reassured him "Hey..you're gonna do great Tommo...we're all right behind ya tonight yeh?".

"Yeh I know..thanks man" Louis wore a grateful smile. "I think Nan, Grandad and the girls are gonna sit in the audience..are you joining them Kiddo?". He aimed the question towards YN.

"I'm gonna stay backstage with Harry..and the boys" YN answered as she moved so she was standing in front of Harry and naturally his arm wrapped around her front and landed on her shoulder.

"Of course you are" Louis had a playful smirk on his face "Fookin' hell Styles...what's your secret, she never wants to leave your side?" Before he could respond, Louis continued before he walked away chuckling to himself "Actually don't fookin' answer that".

---

It had been a couple of days since Louis' X Factor performance and as YN requested they were in Holmes Chapel for a few days, before travelling to Doncaster for Louis's Birthday and Christmas. Harry and YN had arrived a couple of hours ago and as soon as they walked through Anne’s front door, YN was pulled into her arms. At any other time, Harry would have made a joke about her liking YN more than him, her son, but instead he carried on walking through the hallway and placing their bags at the bottom of the stairs.

After dinner later that night, they were sitting in the lounge, Gemma and Michael sat on one sofa with Robin and YN, Mum and Harry on the other. YN's back was pressed to Harry’s side and his arm wrapped around her frame and hand resting on her tummy. Harry had noticed she was quieter than usual as the rest of them chatted about different things, but Harry thought maybe she was concentrating on the film playing on the telly. Harry pressed his lips to the top of her head, and to his left, Harry felt his Mum give him a subtle nudge. As he turned to look at her she gave him a sympathetic look and mouthed "Is she okay?" as she nodded towards YN in Harry’d arms, to which he shrugged his shoulders.

"I'm gonna go to the loo a sec" YN spoke for the first time in a while, as she stood up leaving the space next to Harry empty and walking towards the kitchen.

Anne asked if anyone wanted a cup of tea, to which everyone replied: "Yes please". Anne had been gone all for a few minutes until she appeared at the lounge door calling Harry’s name softly and motioning for him to follow her. As they walked through the kitchen door, she spoke in a whisper "I..I'm..I didn't want to knock on the door just in case...but I think YN is crying in there".

Harry didn't hesitate to walk over to the bathroom door and give it a soft knock "YN..it's me", he heard a sniffle, instantly knowing Anne was right.

"I-I..I'll be out now" YN's voice was heard through the door. Harry opened the door gently and peered around to see her frame sitting next to the bath on the floor, with her back pressed against the wall and knees up to her chest.

"Baby!”. Harry panicked and walked into the room and closed the door behind him. Harry sits next to YN on the ground and pulled her to his side where she grips onto his jumper and sobs into Harry’s chest as he holds the side of her. Harry allows her to cry and get everything she feels out. After some time she sits up and wipes her eyes with the sleeves of her jumper.

"Sorry" her voice is quiet, almost like she’s embarrassed.

"Babe..why are you saying sorry?". Harry voice was gentle, soft and calm as he wiped away another tear from her cheek.

"I-I...for..for crying" she sniffled trying to stop her tears from spilling.

"Don't you dare be sorry for that...you know it's okay to feel like this". Harry was sad that YN felt like she needed to apologise.

"It's just..I..it hits me more in the night" she confessed.

"I think that's normal..you kind of have more time to think".

"Yeh..I just miss her so much..this is probably really silly-".

"Whatever it is I bet it's not".

"I've been phoning her phone still and sending her texts" YN wiped a stray tear that escaped.

"Does it help?".

"Kind of".

"Then it's not silly and you should keep doing it".

"Why did you come in here anyway?" she questioned.

"My Mum was making everyone a cuppa and she heard you crying..she didn't want to come in just incase-".

YN's voice interrupted "She's got a heart of gold hasn't she?”.

"She does!”. Harry couldn’t help but smile.

---

It was now Christmas Eve, also Louis' birthday. Harry and YN travelled to Doncaster that morning from Anne’s house. Since that night Harry found YN in the bathroom upset, she seemed a bit more relaxed and not hiding away when she feels upset. As they walked through the door to YN's grandparent's house, they were both greeted by Jen and Len pulling them both in for a hug. As Jen began making them all cups of tea, they all stood in the kitchen chatting.

"Is Lou here yet" YN asked her grandparents, waiting for one of them to answer.

"No not yet..he said he'd be here around 4ish". Jen glanced at the brown clock that was up on the wall.

"Oh I was hoping he'd be here earlier than that-" YN began but was interrupted by a heard of footsteps and her four sisters appeared all running into her and hugging any part of her body they could.

"Missed me have ya?" YN’s voice turned into her happy and bubbly self. Harry wondered if it was for her sisters sake.

"Can you paint my nails?" "Can I do your make-up?" "Will you curl my hair" the girls all spoke over each other, making Harry chuckle.

"C'mon then munchkins, let's go" YN spoke, holding Pheobe and Daisy's hand as they walked through to the lounge and continued upstairs.

Once the girls' voices had disappeared upstairs, Jen looked in their direction to make sure they were upstairs, before handing Harry and Len their mugs of tea as they all sat by the table. "How's she been Harry?".

"She..um..she's been okay..but she did break down in my Mum's the other night, I found her crying on the bathroom floor" Harry explained, as he watched the older couple take a glance at eachother .

"I knew she wasn't being truthful with me" Jen spoke with a sad expression.

"I think she wants to be strong for you all" Harry admitted, taking a sip of his boiling hot tea.

"She's always been stubborn..ever since she was little hasn't she Jen?”. Len sighed.

"Yeh..her and Louis both..oh Harry they would argue like mad...typical siblings really...and then the next minute they were like best mates...YN always looks for Louis for when she's upset..always has done" Jen reminised.

"Yeh she told me that when she's with him she feels like she's at home..a comfort thing I suppose" Harry admitted, thinking about what YN had told him before.

---

Just after 4, Louis arrived and just like the girls had greeted YN when she arrived, the five of them all ran to him shouting 'Happy Birthday'.

"Harold...I'm very disappointed that you didn't run to me too" Louis joked as he walked towards Harry.

"Happy Birthday mate" Harry said witha big grin and tapped his shoulder.

"Thanks lad!”.

"Right..c'mon then you lot..let's get some music on and let's celebrate me turning 25" Louis ordered his sisters. The younger girls ran into the lounge and decided which songs to play first. Harry stood back and watched as Louis and YN walked together, Louis's arm wrapped around her shoulder.

As Jen and Len stayed in the kitchen, preparing dinner and insisted they didn't need any of Harry’s help, he stood in the doorway of the lounge as the Tomlinsons danced around the room singing along to 'Shut Up and Dance".

"Harry c'mon...you can't just stand there" Daisy began to pull Harry into the chaos.

"B-but I can't dance" Harry protested, but it was no use.

"Neither can Louis..it's fine" Phoebe teased her older brother as he acted hurt and put a hand over his heart. The song changes and 'This One's For You' plays through the speaker.

As Harry spins Daisy around and she continues to dance. Harry looks over at YN as she dances with the older girls and as she catches his gaze, he sends her a wink that makes her shyly smile back at him.

We're in this together Hear our hearts beat together We stand strong together We're in this forever

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