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rise-my-angel · 2 years

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Haunted Anguish

Credit: @a7estrellas

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Length: 15.3k

Warnings: Angst/hurt comfort, trauma related mental instability, mentions of blood, accidental self harm, nightmares and sleep paralysis, smut, outdoor smut, p in v, sex as a coping mechanism

Notes: Ptsd is not mentioned by name or diagnoses, but presentation of symptoms is a theme throughout the fic. Direct follow up to Past Retribution but can be read as a standalone.

The week after the bite, you knew you were losing yourself, and you weren’t stupid enough to think Joel hadn’t picked up on it. But you struggled to stop any of it. The metallic flick was the only thing you could focus on. Not the sounds of people walking around, not the conversations that passed you by, not even the quiet shuffling of the horses mere feet from you.

It was hard to pinpoint this feeling that had been growing for days. It wasn’t like your brain was lost in a fog, the total opposite. It felt like you walked through a world that blurred around you. Mute and numb to your existence despite the truth being otherwise. There was a growing heaviness in your chest that each day filled just a bit more with a disgusting guilt and the past 2 days your hands kept pulling out the lighter as if it possessed you to do so.

Maybe if Joel hadn’t grabbed it would this feeling disappear? He had seen what you had done, what you had tried to do, he must had assumed it belonged to you, and now it sat in your pocket at almost all times screaming at you along with the bite that loomed over it all.

You wanted to blame him because it was an easy out, an excuse as to why you carried a burden with you. But it wasn’t Joel’s fault and you knew that, and the lighter wasn’t the problem. It was the memories it held from that day that haunted you, and those weren’t so easily gotten rid of.

There was a small wooden bench pressed up against the corner maroon coloured wall, a small square room protruding from the edge where supplies could be stored allowing you to sit with your back against it and legs stretched out, one knee bent up where your arm rested on. You had been there for quite a while, your tasks for the day long completed yet you sat there.

On and off you occasionally flicked the lighter so the flame appeared, and you felt lost in it, the heat ever so slightly trying to burn your fingers the longer you let it stay lit. The muffled world simmered down to a silence before a clang of metal snapped you out of it. The sliding doors felt loud as you could see Joel’s figure make it’s way into the room.

At first he leaned his hand against one of the doors with the other on his hip, the sunlight shining behind him shrouding his features in as slight shadow, but his voice was as clear as can be. “You coming back anytime soon, or do you want me to bring you a sleeping bag?” The grin in his voice was audible and any other time you would have let out some sort of a laugh.

But all you did was watch the flame for a second to long, Joel calling your name in a louder tone until you snapped your head up to him properly, hand slamming the lighter shut. Almost as if you didn’t really hear him you just raised your eyebrow in question.

“I said, are you ready to head home.” Pushing off of the entrance door, Joel took slow steps into the room, eyes narrowed as he looked you over in an expression you couldn’t quite pick up on. “I feel like I’ve barley seen you the past couple days.”

The one arm resting on your knee pressed down onto it harder as your fingers tightened around the lighter while the other dig into the fabric of your pants until you could feel the stinging pressure. You shook your head slightly and swing your legs over to put your feet down. “Sorry, yeah, I’m done for the day.”

“Hey, easy there.” Joel suddenly had you in his hold as he forced you to stand up slower. “The last thing we want is to redo your stitches 3 days in a row.” The sternness of his voice felt like condescension. You were just an inconvenience, needing him to redo them every time you ripped them open carelessly all beacuse you couldn’t reach the angle to stitch yourself back up.

Swiftly you tried to pull your arms from his grasp, not quite meeting his eye. “I got it.”

“Do you?” Joel has stopped your pulling away with a firm hold on your upper arms, body slightly bent to look at you closer. If you didn’t feel the way you did, you would have known Joel’s tone wasn’t what you interpreted it as. To him, it was concern. The first day after he and Ellie brought you home you were fine it seemed, but the next day it was like you suddenly were trapped in a memory and the fact that you barley even registered the pain of ripping your stitches open only made him more assertive in checking on you.

To you though, it felt like scolding. It felt just like the early days of knowing each other, that night when he yelled at you on the porch of his house in the pouring rain. Like a parent doubting a petulant child, the very thing you had previously worried he saw you as.

Your eyes snapped up to him, a flash of not quite anger, but irritation swam in your eyes. “You wanna check?” Knocking one hand off of you, you brazenly lifted one edge of your shirt up to reveal the unsavoury sight of the healing wound in your side. New stitches in tact.

Joel was silent for a beat, and it wasn’t just his tone that you didn’t grasp, it was also the concern plastered all over his face that you read as annoyance. “Good. They look better today.” He went to put a hand on your lower back to lead you out, but found himself hovering over you instead.

His eyes looking to the side at you debating if you’d shake that off as well. Joel could tell what happened out there was boiling something up inside of you, but it was like you were shutting him out entirely day by day. He couldn’t get it out of you to talk to him, but he was also aware not to push you too hard or you’d likely go back to your own place for god knows how long.

Ellie had pointed out that now he knew how annoying being pushed away was. Meant to poke fun at him, but both of them read her tone. She looked for you constantly, always throwing her head back and forth hoping to see you join them or come home and it was hurting her more than she admitted. Joel knew exactly how she felt.

Your arms were crossed tucked protectively against your chest as you made your way home. The crunch of the gravel filling the air between you as the normally comfortable silence now felt stifling. Joel broke it first. “You know you can talk to me right?”

The only response you gave was a nod, and he prompted again. “I just- keeping all that inside can’t be healthy. Trust me, sweetheart I’d know.” Sensing you weren’t at his side, Joel pivoted around to see you looking at him more harsh then he’s used to from you.

“Keeping what inside me, exactly?”

At this point you were near the main street, people all around as you posed an unfair question you knew he couldn’t answer here. “You know what.”

Your face was firm and somewhat impassive. “Do I?”

It wasn’t an anger Joel was feeling, but a frustration that he wasn’t sure how to help you. He wasn’t stupid, this had to do with what happened with Don, probably what happened all those years ago too. And not that he’d admit it, deep down he wondered if any of this had to do with your immunity as well. You had been left to be infected and die twice by the same man, both times you came out the other side alive.

It weighed on Ellie too, but in a different way. She was young, Joel could protect and guide her through those feelings. But you weren’t, and he couldn’t force you too far.

Your name slipped from his lips in warning, but still soft and close to your ear as he stepped into your personal space. “I’m not just going to let you fall down that rabbit hole.” His large hand encompassed your cheek, finally relieved that you didn’t move away form his warm touch. “That’s a place you don’t deserve to be.”

You slid your gaze away from him, the feeling in your gut quickly flying back to guilt. Once again you just nodded in agreement. Raising your hand up to squeeze his wrist in affection with a smile that certainly didn’t make it to your eyes.

But it was something, so you both left for home in relative calm. You weren’t that much more talkative throughout the evening. You could see Joel and Ellie threw you prompts to join the conversation, but answering with a proper sentence wasn’t common. “Just busy is all. Daisy’s just about ready to give birth so I got a lot on my hands.”

Daisy was a particularly stubborn horse that was most attached to you. She gave most people a stink about everything unless it was you, and her ready to give birth only made her more aggressive about shoving anyone but you away. It did take a lot of your time, but all three of you knew it was just an excuse to be alone more often then not. “I can help out with the others if you want to just focus on her?”

The bright hopeful look on Ellie’s face was slightly heartwarming. She clearly was desperate to get closer to you know that you had something incredibly rare in common. So you tilted your head to the side in a little shrug. “Sure, don’t see why not.”

It wasn’t lost on you that finding such a familial bond in Joel, settling somewhere that felt like home has opened her up to you. The very real possibility, that finding a life somewhere so normal and meeting another person just like her, has her yearning for something akin to a family. Not just a father, but did she really deserve to be dragged down your path?

You were slower than them picking at your food, often tapping the fork lightly against the plate as your eyes fell back into this strange feeling so incredibly hard to understand. At one point you could feel Joel’s hand gently caress you as he slid it along your shoulder blade, before coming up to bring the side of your head closer to him. Pressing his lips against your hair me mumbled into you, “We’re gonna talk later, okay?”

Biting the inside of your cheek, you gave back the only affection you could summon. Squeezing the hand on your shoulder and leaning back slightly into his broad frame. He pressed one more smaller kiss into you, “I got you, sweetheart.”

Joel always reminded you of that, but did you have him? Were you good enough to be here, or did your constant mistakes just pull them down? You seemed to keep putting yourself into life threatening situations of your own doing, and you couldn’t help but wonder just how long you should put Joel and Ellie through this.

If you were honest, talking was the last thing you had the energy for especially with a man like Joel Miller, but you made your way into the bedroom anyways.

It was later in the evening when you had said goodnight to Ellie before pausing at Joel’s closed door. Your hand was over the cold metal of the door handle as your rested your forehead against the wood. You couldn’t avoid this one, Joel would just stay awake until you’d try to go to bed. Letting out a shaky breathe, you slowly opened the door just enough to slip inside.

He looked so soft, the dim glow of the room painting the side of his face like a painting. His features so handsome it never failed to pull you into it’s alluring grasp. Dressed in just a soft t-shirt and flannel patterned sweats, he was leaned up against the dresser with his hands braced behind him on the wood.

Gesturing with his chin to where the bathroom sat just outside of the door, “Ellie skipped out today, there should be enough hot water for you to actually enjoy for the whole time.”

Your hands twiddled at your sides, before shaking your head no. Mostly ignoring the side of the room where he stood, you pulled your shirt over your head as the fabric muffled your words. “I’ll just wait until morning. It’s late.” Not really looking at him, you mindlessly grabbed a sweater of his laying on the bed.

Totally missing the fact that Joel had clearly sat it out for you. “Don’t think I’ve ever seen you choose an early shower of a night one.” You missed the furrow of his brows as his grasp on the drawer handles tensed more.

You just shrugged. Sitting on the edge of the bed to change into your own sweatpants you now faced his direction but looked at the floor. You could see he had pushed off of the drawer and made his way to your. You didn’t want to be alone with this whirlwind of unknowable emotions anymore today, you just wanted to sleep.

He’d wait up for you if you showered now. You could sneak out tomorrow morning and come back to shower when the house was empty. Besides, if you did now no question Joel would end up leaned against the sink counter. Ready to take care of the hot pressure of the water pouring down onto a wound he knew you weren’t actually trying to take care of.

Joel hovers when he worries, and for the first time you think you hated it.

Crouching down to look up at you, Joel didn’t touch you this time. Just gave you the space. “You can’t just shut me out, not after I almost lost you.” His jaw was clenched but there was a familiar affection in his eyes that shined more sad than romantic.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, I told you what happened that day I wasn’t lying or keeping anything from you.” Your hands tapping against the sheets beside you. “I just want to let it go.”

This time when Joel grabbed you, it was the side of your jaw with his fingers stretched just barley across your cheek. His tug was firm as he forced you to look at him now leaning over you. His face this time, was much closer to the anger you used to think he only ever showed. “Yeah? Well I can’t. You think I can just let go of the fact that I found you unconscious in a pool of your own blood? The fact that there was a fucking trail of it all over the floor, not even sure you were alive?”

You shut your eyes, the watering feeling coming up to the surface of them as you fisted the sheets in your hands. “I’m not asking you to forget-”

His hold on you gave a purposeful shake to open your eyes. “Good, because I’m not about to anytime soon. I’m not about to just get over having to sit there with Ellie, terrified you were going to wake up...but it wouldn’t be you.”

There was upset in his eyes as well, but masked with a desperate anger. It made your guilt feel worse. The guilt flooding you with shame and reminding you how inadequate you had become. How useless you’d soon be to them, and you were terrified of what you’d do if, or when, he kicked you out of Jackson, out of his life. You felt small as you just whispered out, “I’m sorry.”

His forehead rested against yours, his other hand on your side just hoping you’d touch him back. “Don’t be sorry, just stop pretending I’m not here for you, because I’m never going to stop caring about you so goddamn much. Alright?” His thumbs ran comfortingly over your skin, leaving a starch warmth in their path.

You nodded, fists still clutching the sheets. It always came around to not feeling good enough for him, but now you hated yourself for making him waste this fierce protectiveness on someone who didn’t deserve it. Joel’s hands slipped from your face to plant themselves next to yours. Part of you yearned for his touch back, but the other part wanted to get away from him entirely.

Your heart pounding in your chest, each beat feeling as if it constricted your lungs tighter and tighter. You could hear it in your head, demanding you let the feeling take over but you didn’t want to. Joel had put up with enough of this for one day, why drive him away further.

Whatever Joel found in your eyes, it made him pull back from whatever he was trying to get out of you. Leaning off the bed you felt one hand pull your head in just slightly as he pressed a kiss there, mumbling as he pulled away. “Let’s get you to bed, you need the extra rest.”

You didn’t consider it was referring to how little you were letting your side heal, it to your brain, was him wanting you to sleep off this attitude. So you nodded, and that was the end of that.

Sleep though, brought you a whole other nightmare. Nothing was coherent, it was like your memories were mixed together into one warped event. The burning pain of sharp teeth sinking into you, your arm, your side, the blood that covered you from both. The yelling of what you had done ringing in your ears as a distant sound grew louder and louder behind it.

Once again consumed by terror, it was like flashes of mutated once humans and the clicking that followed. That clicking grew even louder, mixing so harsh with the now indistinguishable yelling that the clicking made you cover your ears but it still consumed you. It yelled into your very head as the agony of the bites felt like it was all over your body, the walls closing in as you were surrounded by the very thing trying to turn you into them.

The only thing that you could see as you sat against the wall was fresh dead. The distant sight of a man draped over his dead wife, and then that very man splayed dead on the floor from your own action. His yells still filling the air and the roaring of the creatures echoed in the air, only to stop suddenly as you lurched awake.

Instantly pushing yourself up against the bed on the palms of your hand, you gasped for air as the sound of blood pumping flowed in your ears. You had been turned away from Joel, almost at the edge of the bed as close to the open air as can be. Briefly you shut your eyes as you worked desperately to taper your frantic breathing silently, the cold air in the room freezing with your sweat covered skin.

Your arms shook with the force it took to hold you up, your jaw clenched so tight you could feel the strain being pulled to it’s limit. You didn’t want to flip over to look at him, you felt too much shame and such sickening guilt you didn’t want to look at anyone. It was too late in the night to slip out of bed.

Joel’s internal clock was atuned to when to be suspicious of sound or movement, he’d wake up and you were not about to explain your painful trembling state. You just lay there once more. Staring out the window you faced at the dark nothingness the angle allowed you to see.

You wondered if you had slipped in and out of sleep without noticing as the sky slowly brightened before your eyes quicker then you expected. You could still hear it, the sounds of your dreams, and all you could think was how little you wanted he or Ellie to see how pathetic you looked.

It was close enough to morning that you knew you could get away without issue. Silently you slinked form the bed and got dressed, barley paying attention to what you were grabbing. As you dropped your shirt over your torso, you looked slightly behind you. Joel’s large frame still peacefully asleep like he deserved to have. You bit the inside of your cheek again, and left, slowly shutting his door behind him.

Luckily the house was still silent. The only stop you made was downing a glass of water before throwing your bag over your shoulder and walking out. That though, did make you stop. Because Ellie was awake and leaning against the railing looking directly at you.

Arms crossed and a hard frown, she wasted no time. “You’re supposed to be taking it easy.”

Your face tensing as you squinted in the growing sunlight, you really needed to find a pair of sunglasses. You nervously readjusted your grip on your bag and shrugged. “I just have a lot to catch up on after-”

Her voice got louder this time. “After what? Ripping your stitches open twice already?” Ellie’s tone was a bit easier to catch then Joel’s. There was an anger in her voice but it was mixed heavily with a waver of genuine upset. “You should be letting it heal before jumping back like nothing happened.”

Her bright eyes bore into yours this time. No trace of anger, just distant desperation. Sighing as you looked down with your eyes shutting briefly, “Ellie,”

“No.” You once again shot up this time brows furrowed as you looked at her. “What happened, it- it wasn’t nothing. I know it wasn’t.” Voice cracking weakly as she consciously or unconsciously grazed her fingers over where you now knew was a healed over brand of teeth.

More guilt set in. Stepping forward you tilted her head up more to your height, “But that’s just it isn’t it? What happened happened, and it turned into nothing. For both of us.” The tension in her body was clear and while you hadn’t known her for as long as Joel, this was still the first time she was distinctly upset about something serious.

“I know there’s Joel, but...” Sighing deeply she let her arms fall to her sides. “It’s different with you. No one but you knows what it feels like, and..”

“It doesn’t feel good.” You knew exactly what she meant. Having to watch the exact same fate fall on person after person and you are silent in the background knowing that never became you. It was eating away at you, but that was the last thing you wanted for her. Your thumb moved to trace over her cheek. “You have me, I promise. It just...getting used to people knowing isn’t easy.”

Ellie nodded. “Joel was the only person who knew that didn’t want something from me.”

The pause in your breathe nudged at a thought you had not too long ago. Mixing what on had told you about the job he took that led him to her, and the mention of places Joel and Ellie had travelled through before arriving here. You looked at her, almost a hopeful look that you knew you didn’t feel.

What exactly did she think those people wanted from her, you wonder. How much did she really know. You wanted to ask Joel, but the last thing you’d ever do to him is push for information about his past. So you settled for a middle ground. Kneeling down to her height more, you made her look you in the eye. “The only thing anyone should want for you, Ellie is to let you feel normal. That’s what Joel wants and it’s what I want for you too. You have me, but this?”

Your own hand reached out to gently hold where you now knew the mark was. “I don’t want this being what defines you. What happened then is important, but so is now. Okay?”

Ellie nodded again. Seemingly backing up a bit to give you room to leave. You gave a nod back before standing up straight and taking a step down the stairs before Ellie called you name.

Turning your body, she stood now in front of the steps, fidgeting as if grappling with a decision she wasn’t sure she wanted to make. Whatever she really wanted, she changed her mind. “Are you going to be late again, tonight?”

You wished she wasn’t getting so attached to you. Your intrusion on their lives felt much more like a leech minute by minute. “I’ll try.” Ellie took that as a final answer. Her eyes lost in thought before going back inside, slamming the door just loud enough you knew Joel had heard it. So you wasted no time and walked away.

You had too much to catch up on, and you were sick of being stuck with your thoughts. The distractions was all you wanted to depend on right now, and to be honest? You really didn’t care if you ripped your stitches open again to do it.

The entire day blurred around you once again, the time that passed feeling like hours were the length of days. It wasn’t even a week since the incident, yet if you were to say what it felt like, you’d say months. People always joked how quickly time passes, but you didn’t experience it the same way.

To you, really ever since that day you had been left to suffocate on the heavy air, die from your wound, or worse, time felt like an eternity. So the day dragged on endlessly. Sometimes the people around you asked what was up with you, but you shrugged it off. You were naturally quiet, so they took it as such and you didn’t want any attention otherwise.

Ignoring it was probably a mistake. During the afternoon, you had hopped up onto a platform to help drag up a heavy box, only to jump down with force. You knew right away what you did, you could feel it. Before joining up with the others, you slowly lifted your shirt just enough to see a trickle of blood.

Rolling your eyes with a sigh, you dropped it back down. It wasn’t much blood, you just wanted to ignore the bite for once. You wish Joel had just finished the job and seared the skin over, but he was adamant and pretty offended that you wanted him to put you through what would basically be torture. “It’s deep and it’s fucking huge, do you know how painful that would be? Even if I did it when you were passed out, that kind of burn would wake you up from the pain and knock you right back out from shock.”

You tried to reason with him, but the conversation ended with Joel raising his hand to interrupt you. “It’s not going to happen. Now or ever.” Pointing at you, the tension radiating from his body. “Don’t ever ask me again.” He stormed out of the room at that point and you never suggested anything like it again.

You figured no one would notice what happened anyways. You had 3 layers on at this point and that’d be enough to cover up whatever blood seeped through your clothes. You did start to wince as the day went on though, but maybe it was deserved.

Meeting up with Joel later on, the stinging reminded you that you deserved to feel this way. Multiple times in the evening you missed his eyes narrowing as he looked you over, but you gave nothing away he could easily detect. It wasn’t until that night did he find anything to confront you with.

It had stopped bleeding by the time you went to sleep, it was just now open and painful. Later you wondered if it was just a normal nightmare would you have been normal enough not to catch his attention, but this time that wasn’t the case.

Sleep paralysis was a new thing to you. You were half aware that it was Joel’s room you were in, but nothing around you looked like it. No it looked like the view on that grimy floor you laid out on as you waited in terror for the infection to take effect. The quiet wind blowing just outside the walls and the scattered movement of the creature reminding you what you were waiting to become.

In the memory you got up eventually, but here you couldn’t. Nothing about you could move. Your body strained and vibrated as every nerve in your body buzzed at their inability to shift even slightly. Every attempt to turn failing.

Your heart started to race as the panic built in your chest rapidly. You didn’t know if it was real or the panic you felt that caused the pressure, the sensation like your chest was being pressed and you couldn’t breathe. Fear filled your veins as you lost sight of knowing you weren’t here but in what was supposed to be a safe place.

The reality forming into a terror that maybe this was it. That this was the final state, would you soon lose yourself or would you be trapped? Always fighting to move your body but instead of being paralyzed on the ground, would you be fighting against the infection doing it for you?

You wanted to scream, but you couldn’t move any of your muscles enough to produce any movement of sound. In the back of your head it felt as if your eyes fluttered, like but nothing around you changed. It just felt like a taunt. The yelling seemed to come back, only quiet and different then before, and you lay there, radically terrified that you couldn’t even turn your head or open your eyes properly to see what was coming.

What did startle you from this hell and pull you up into the real world, was a grasp of hands on your body and a stark voice in your ear. Suddenly you drastically flew up in bed and open your eyes as fast as possible. The deep heavy sensation threatening to pull you back under it’s still spell if you closed them again.

Joel at this point had leaned across the bed with your cheeks cupped in is hands as he spoke softly to you. “Just breathe,” Nodding you slowly started to force yourself to breathe steadily in and out as your heart slowed, and your mind finally tore away from the pull. Joel’s whispers continuing comfort your disjointed thoughts. “Good, that’s good. You’re okay, sweetheart.”

Without looking up at him, both of your hands weakly reached up to grasp at his wrists. Your head sort of tipping down into his hold a little firmer. In the back of your head, you were demanding to pull away and not fall for his endearing protection, to just separate and stop this before he decided he was caring too much for a lost cause.

But your anxiety won out. Looking up at the different kind of terror in his own eyes you wondered just how you looked in that moment before he woke you up. Wondering if the strange fluttering of your eyes wasn’t just a spine tingling figment of your imagination. God how could he even look at you anymore, if he saw such an uncomfortable sight laying out side him?

You tried to whisper, but your voice was weary and your tone not in any way assertive. Just a mumbling, “I’m fine.” Which wasn’t enough for Joel. One hand moved to hold just under your chin to tilt your head up with his thumb, the other fingers finding part of your jaw.

He kissed you perhaps a little more aggressive then he should have for dragging you from a terrifying sleep, but you couldn’t comprehend the kind of worry you continued to put in him by shutting out anything that was happening to you.

His soft lips capturing yours over and over, almost muttering things into your mouth. Pouring words of scare and comfort into how he felt. Joel was always better at showing you how he felt then saying it, he he did it again here.

Your own hands at that point, found a home on his torso. One pressed against his chest while the other grasped at his meaty side and dragged him into you more. Joel in that moment allowed himself to get dragged over top of you, one of his hands pressing your waist into the bed.

It wasn’t until he teased your mouth open further with his tongue, and gently feeling the brush against yours that he tried pulling away. Muttering your name, be pulled back twice when you tried to chase his lips again, each time telling you, “Easy baby,” or shushing you with a gentle “Hey, hey settle down”, while his hands raked over the side of your head soothingly.

He dragged the tip of his nose over the length of yours before pressing a kiss there. Leaning up enough to look you in the eye, his other hand cupping the back of your head to support you as you lifted it slightly to follow. “Joel, please I just-”

His face was set in a firmness as much as you could see in the dark room. “Take it easy for me first.”

You dove in already though, jumping into a water that needed Joel’s touch, his kiss like survival. “Please, I just need you right now. I need you.” Your voice almost pleading with him as you dragged your hands over around his neck, your forehead moving up to press against his. “I don’t want to think about that, I just need-”

Joel nodded, his lips brushing against yours with every move. “You need me sweetheart, is that it? Need my touch to calm you down?” He wasn’t mocking or even teasing. It was a serious tone he asked you in like nothing else mattered. You must have looked pretty terrifying to get this kind of response in the middle of the night.

But you needed it too. So you pleaded yes. “Please. I just need you in me, just for a little while.”

Joel’s breathe was warm on your face as he sighed through his nose. Clearly conflicted in thought for a moment. Pressing one last gentle kiss to your lips, you could feel a fond almost smile breaking onto his face. “A little while, that’s it.” Joel sat up to straddle your legs between him, helping you up enough let you touch him as you needed.

When he went to lift your shirt up, you stopped him instantly. Giving him to chance to even ask, just grasping them with yours and moving them to your bottoms and kissing him more. He dragged them down with relative ease, he was a man that honestly? Didn’t care about taking his time to undress your most private parts. He needed touch, and looking and feeling your bare skin on his, is what he wanted. You pulled his shirt over his head, and greedily felt his chest.

His broad frame always consuming so much of the time you explored him. His broad frame spanned smiles on your small hands, and it seemed to go on forever as they naturally found their way to the soft rounder stomach beneath. Joel once told you that your softness and how much you had of it, made him obsessed. “Sometimes it feels like you’re the only damn thing in this world that isn’t rough or hard.”

He very quickly tossed you onto the couch immediately after when you made a wisecrack about how he didn’t “feel very hard”. That was blatantly untrue and you both knew it.

Even now pressed against your front you could feel his cock hardening with every trace of your fingers or swipe of his tongue against your own. With little warning, Joel yanked you up to straddle his lap as he sat upright on the bed, his knees and calves resting below him as his thick thighs and equally thick cock functioned as your own seat.

You lucked out in the nic of time. The very moment Joel grabbed too close on your waist to your still ripped open stitches, he also ground you down onto his cock. The jump in his arms was followed by a needy gasp that disguised the painful one behind it. You once again wrapped your arms around his neck as he slid his hands down to your hips.

“Spread out for me, sweetheart.” He meant to kneel you back down onto the bed, finding his favourite spot between your legs but you couldn’t risk that. Joel was grabby when he tasted you, and he’d no doubt either push your shirt up too high or grab at it mindlessly.

“No, no no, I just need you in me, please. All of you.” Your hands flying down to his waistband and trying to push it down enough to feel the course hair spread across his pelvis. He sensitive area pulled a shaky moan from him before he kissed you again.

“I need to stretch you open, baby it’s been a while.” He meant it kindly, but you just didn’t want to risk it as insane as you knew it was. When you protested, he pulled you into his bare chest with a hand wrapped behind your back. “You’re a tight fit even after I’ve already fucked you plenty, let me take care of you.”

You needed to distract him. So you took your chance and pulled his waistband down enough to wrap your hand around his cock. He jolted in place and groaned into your shoulder as his head dropped into you. “Fuck,”

Pulling him out into the open air, you worked him over taking advantage of every leak of precum he gave you. For a moment he was lost in you. The sound of the wet skin of his cock you stroked up and down, the tightness of your grip and the steady speed you jerked him forced moans out of him and his arms to tighten around you.

The muscles of those arms impossibly large and all consuming as he luckily held you just above your side. It almost surprised Joel how much just you stroking his cock could work him up. His hips trying to chase your pace as he could feel the tension in his body coiling, but he wanted to take care of you more.

Pulling back from your shoulder he aggressively kissed you, ripping your hands away and positioning your hips to hover just above him. Mumbling into your mouth, Joel still checked in. “Are you sure, sweetheart?”

Nodding against his lips, Joel took your word for it. Every time you were sat in his lap, his cock never eased into you. He sank so deep and it pulled mutters and swears from his gritting teeth. You had covered his cock as much as you could, smearing his own cum over his cock as you stroked him to already get him wet.

You were wet, but you knew not what he would think was acceptable enough. There was a distinct burn that made you hiss out. You could see the instant concern but took advantage of his still somewhat sleepy state. Dropping your head into his neck and shoulder just as he did, you gave a genuine moan from how deep he was and how thick his cock felt snugly inside of you.

You very quickly begun kissing and nibbling at the skin of his neck and Joel’s moans were shameless at the attack of such a sensitive area. His hands with a grip on your hips so tight the bruises already started to bloom in his fingertips shape. Moving you slowly up and down the length of his cock got gasps and whimpers out of you.

The slow pace didn’t last as long as he intended. His cock finding that spot inside of you quickly, the intense pleasure it would spiral you into was something he almost always took advantage of. You grinded into his cock more and more, trying to meet his pace, but Joel was the one yanking your hips up and down.

It was his cock that he thrusted up into you as he pulled you back down with an echoed slap of your thighs against his. That sound that drove him insane, and Joel didn’t quite know why but it only started after he found you. Fucking up into you as the slap of your skin together rang in his ears and harmonized with the moans and whimpers you stuttered out between pleads of his name.

One hand of his snaked down to grasp at your ass as pull your hips even tighter against him just as he sunk his cock as much as he could into your warm, wet pussy. “Oh god,” the gasp bled into his own moaning.

Working you over his cock as he rambled about how good you were, how “so fucking good” you felt around him. Nonsensical muttering about staying inside you forever as his entire body coiled and tightened once more, causing him to sacrifice a steady pounding into quick and breathtaking shallow thrusts. His hips slamming into your own fast, making the air nothing but the moans of each others need, and your skin slapping together so fast that by the time the first slap had faded it was replaced with a newer one once more.

His grip on your ass pushed you into him more, your clit now grazing against the rough hair around his cock. His hair tight in your hands as you whimpered, high pitched and desperate as you could feel the pleasure building as fast as he fucked you.

“I got you, I’ve- fuck- I got you, let me have it, baby. Just let me have it, you can do it, you can cum all over my cock, sweet girl.” His cock against the warm wall inside you that blanked your mind of any thought, a whiteout in your head filled with nothing but your orgasm shattering around him.

“Good, fuck- that’s my fucking girl. Jesus Christ, you feel so fucking good around my cock.” Joel was chasing his own orgasm and he throbbed inside of you, the sensitive brush of hair against your clit not allowing you to really come down. “Gonna let me fill you with my cum? Let me spill inside you?” A question he’s never asked of you before.

You nodded into a gasp, and it didn’t take but a few more thrusts before Joel’s orgasm let go. The unbelievable need it fed you, feeling his warm cum spill inside of you, never really dripping out until he slides his cock out of the tight hold you have around it.

You both held the other as you breathed heavily coming back down. Joel tipped your chin up to look at him with his fingers, cupping it gently enough to pull you into another kiss. You were distracted all right.

Because as he hand smoothed over what he thought was a healing wound, you hissed in pain and there was no slide of his cock inside of you to disguise it.

He pulled away from your lips without hesitating. His eyes narrowing at the guilt you had painted all over you. If it was lighter he might see the very start of another bleed finding it’s way over the fabric of your shirt, but he found it anyways when he yanked it up with one hand, and awkwardly leaned over you to turn his bedside light on with the other.

It was clear they weren’t newly ripped. There was a distinct wear and tear that mocked him for not noticing the issue earlier in the day. The anger he felt looking at the painful memory didn’t last long when he looked back up.

The shame and guilt on you was heartbreakingly distinct. You looked off to the side as your hands shook slightly pulling away from him. Assuming he was mad at you, assuming he didn’t want you touching him anymore.

Whatever complex contemplation you normally thought through stoically was disastrously affected by the curtains being whipped open so soon after he fucked you. Joel took sex with you very seriously, but he also knew you did too. He knew how intense it was for you and his chest lurched seeing how fast those two emotions mixed together and collapsed in front of you.

His jaw clenched briefly, before kissing your nose. “C’mon.” Gesturing his head to the door, “Let’s patch you up before that gets infected.”

If Joel noticed your distinct pause at his word choice, he kept it to himself for now. As quiet as you could, Joel nudged you to take a seat in the washroom as he grabbed the med supplies. Bracing yourself, you hissed out again as you made you way to sit up on the sink counter.

Peeking out the door you could see Ellie’s own bedroom, your thoughts consuming you with something you never considered before. You were at least an adult when you found out, someone supposed to be equipped to handle information like that, despite your current jumble of emotions aside. Ellie is still a child though. You filled with more guilt, wondering just how hard it must be for her to watch others around you fall to a fate they don’t know is impossible for you.

Once Joel came back in, silently shutting the door you were back in your own head. Without even thinking about it, he gracefully pulled your shirt over your head once more, needing broad access to stitch. Your arm resting above your head as Joel coaxed you with warm mumbling every wince or hiss in pain, he noted you more than once glancing back to the door where you had been looking at Ellie’s room. “She needs you more than I think she’s willing to admit.”

You only nodded mildly, but the guilt gathered in your eyes as Joel continued. “We uh, it wasn’t easy getting to this point.” You knew part of things, how they met, where he was supposed to take her, and what happened along the way to change his mind. It wasn’t until a little before getting to Jackson that Joel struggled to speak on, but you did know what he was asked to do was from the Fireflies.

“They thought you’d just hand her over and wouldn’t care.” Joel stopped for a second, his bright eyes looking up at you, but you didn’t return it. “They never tell you why they want you. I only ever met them twice once I knew they found out, but they never tried to kill me straight out. They always wanted to drag me across the country. What they wanted from me was useless if I died before they could get it themselves.”

Joel swallowed heavily, finding his voice wasn’t easy. The waver in his tone, how small it made him appear despite the deep intensity of his tone. “They didn’t tell me what they wanted with her until after I handed her over. Already had to prepped to go on the fucking table like the months I spent with her wouldn’t change a thing. She...I wasn’t going to let that happen.” He focused on your side as he spoke.

The water was freezing as you dipped your toes into it, never wanting to ask about what happened that day but what you knew now had unwillingly connected a few dots. Tossing some things to the side, Joel rested his palms on your thighs, soothing them up and down. If not for you, then for himself. “The hospital.”

Joel’s eyes shined with realization, and you almost knew then exactly. It made sense. You knew about that day with Sarah and you knew about that day as well. Ellie covered in blood after god knows what those degenerates wanted to do to her.

It seemed so weird to you now. You’d only ever known them this way, how unquestioningly the fact of Ellie was his daughter. This protective love that was still forming, both of them navigating their fears. Ellie needing to get used to seeing someone care about her, let alone a father, and not be afraid she’d find herself alone again.

And Joel grappling with becoming a father again, and your sudden understanding that he was right. He’d do anything to protect his family, and Ellie was his daughter. He wasn’t going to let it happen again.

“It was you. The hospital in Salt Lake City.”

Seeing his entire body tense up, you instantly leaned forward, pulling him by the back of his head to rest your foreheads against one another. You had crossed a dangerous border, and it needed to be softened before he let it fester in his mind. His grip on your thighs tightened, as if the feeling was keeping his feet on the ground. He nodded, “Were you-”

Raking your fingers through his hair, Joel’s eyes shut. His face was so soft in moments like this, and you wanted more of them for him. “I didn’t know until Don told me. He uh-” You gulped, hoping to keep the boiling sickness in your stomach at bay. “He was apparently there that day. He mentioned some father killing a bunch of people to get his daughter out before the doctor could cut into her.”

The sick feeling only increased. “I didn’t know they had kids. That they just didn’t give a shit about sacrificing a child for whatever they thought was their purpose.”

It sat strangely with you. The life you had taken, lives you had taken to protect this secret about you. The image of Don, slumped dead on the floor had haunted you more than the memory of him trapping you to die in the first place.

Did you deserve to live for even a sliver chance of saving a life? You didn’t know. Not for you, and it’s torn you apart for days now. That Joel and Ellie’s lives would be easier if you just let them take out, and you never had brought this to their door.

But that’s why Joel let you in. That’s why he refused to let you keep this bottled up, he knew what toxicity was consuming you. “She doesn’t know.” You both lifted your heads at the same time, Joel’s hands moving to your waist this time, his thumb stroking back and forth over the sliver of skin below his handy work. “She was already under when it happened.”

You didn’t need to even say anything. What you thought about it didn’t even matter, because you weren’t the only one with a guilt building up inside of you. Joel’s guilt was a lie, where yours was a regret, but it made you feel all the same.

“She needs to know eventually. It’s a part of both of you.”

You cupped his face in your hands, you both knew what was at risk now. This feeling inside of you, would that also be Ellie? The death around her at the expensive of a procedure neither of you knew much about, but was told it was for the greater good. It wasn’t just that though.

You said it before Joel forced it out, easing his pain. “It’s you lying to her that’ll hurt. She can forgive you for that.” There was a distinct look of distance in your eye, something deeper that even here and now, wasn’t going away. “She’s not the one who has to bear the brunt of what she’s done.”

Joel’s eyes bore into your own, a whirlwind of thoughts and need in them that he poured into your mouth as he leaned in for a kiss. His hands returning your own gesture and grasping at the sides of your face desperately. He knew it wasn’t him you were talking about, but there was no way to grasp the gravity of how you felt.

Ellie is young, and was rescued from a fate she didn’t know she would suffer and wasn’t the one who spilt the bloodshed along the way. Joel’s at risk unlike her, he can’t survive what she can, he understands what he might be giving up when he killed those people.

You can though, and you’re the one who has to face the selfishness of protecting your own life against the slightest possibility of something akin to a cure. Ellie needs to know the truth, but the heavy weight in your chest was something you didn’t want for her.

Joel’s touch was refreshing, but it didn’t take away the conflict toiling your mind about the what if. A fate you refused to let fall to a child, but couldn’t let go for yourself, the painful truth that you just may be hindering a chance of help.

Don wasn’t the first person you killed, and he likely wouldn’t be the last. But it had started something unlike any other time. It started a chain reaction of emotions spiralling out of control and you couldn’t catch your breathe long enough to understand them, let alone say what they felt like. You felt more and more worthless.

Like you were starting to depend too much on others for your own well being, and the constant frustration that you didn’t know why. You haven’t been around people for this long in a few years, and never with a connection like this. How much of this was normal, and how much of it was you burdening Joel with your own interpersonal problems.

Sometime in between the little bit of sleep you managed to get once back in bed, a sprinkle of rain has grown quietly in strength until how it poured down now. A loud heavy stream with clouds bearing above that darkened the afternoon sky.

You had found solace in the steady ting of water against the roof. Many things flashing in your mind, but the focus of the repeating water droplets making any of them indistinguishable as you saw less and less of the present and more seeing into the white noise in your head.

Unbeknownst to you, the amount of time that had passed was enough to draw Ellie over to you as you appeared to be lost in thought, your hand trembling in the air as it hovered above the counter. Interrupting your work in the kitchen with an overtaking buzz of incomprehensible flashes of pain before your eyes.

It just so happened the very same time she called your name did the faint sound of a distinct click mix together and snapped your out of it. All in one fell swoop did the you turn to look at her, and the knife slipping from your hands, and slicing into the underside of your arm before slamming onto the ground.

You didn’t really react at first, the sight of the cut now bleeding didn’t even register with pain, but the splatter from the angle of impact left a splatter on the side of the counter and ground that had Ellie shout, but what you couldn’t really tell.

The only thing that found it’s way through your head was one word. Useless. To be honest the next few seconds you hardly did with any knowledge, as if you were alone once again you moved to clean and cover it, the entire time Ellie beside you, hands hovering trying to find a chance to help you.

It wasn’t until the stinging surged through your veins at all once when you tightened and closed off the cloth wrapping did you snap out of this automatic state. Ellie finally grabbed you saying your name once more, “Are you-” Her blazing eyes darting to the blood still visible behind the wrappings back to the sharp look you gave her. “What the hell happened?”

Confusion and panic was all over her expression, and for a second you almost remembered yourself. But over the sound of the pouring rain out heard the distant shouting of a voice that you just couldn’t take right now.

Later the guilt would set in, but in the moment you felt very little other then the warm burning of your forearm and the constriction of your chest. You couldn’t be here anymore, you had done enough here and the only rational you could come up with was you should leave before being forced too.

Before you knew it, you were slamming the backdoor with a throw as you took off in the rain. Did you run or was your walk just faster then normal? You couldn’t tell, by the time you found yourself with your back leaning against a tree far off from town did the cold air and even colder rain really cover you entirely did the world come rushing back.

You leaned your head forward, closing your eyes as your chest heaved to catch your breathe. The time of year and the rain made your hands stiff with a brisk coolness that shouldn’t have felt good. But you didn’t really care. You found yourself sliding down the length of the tree trunk, and sat with your knees bent in front of you.

With a thonk, your head fell back to rest on the bark. The water soaked the bandage on your arm and you figured it didn’t really matter. It was rain water, nothing dirty or festering with bacteria to make it worse, so you left it uncovered.

For a while you sat there, arm hovering beside you as you stared into the red. You had never felt this way from killing before, not for killing a man who tried to kill you first. What Joel told you meant nothing. Just something to calm you down enough to shut up and go back to sleep. He didn’t want to carry your issues and he shouldn’t, anyways.

Being back on your own felt daunting. A knowing silence that you long forgotten over just months, creeping back to mock you with it’s isolation. You had little understanding of how a relationship was even supposed to work.

Every step of the way with Joel you were guessing. You had hid your immunity from him, because you knew only conflict would follow and look what happened. It was unspoken even to yourself how you felt about Joel.

Something you didn’t know or understand blossoming into a deep emotion that you did in fact have a name for, but a wonder if Joel would return it now was wrapping itself around your throat as it suffocated you to thinking he’d throw you out for who you were.

The sky had grown more dim as the clouds moved on, yet the rain didn’t let up. Moving suddenly you pulled the lighter out of your pocket once more. This time you didn’t taunt yourself with the metallic clink of it’s open and close. You turned it in your hand, eyes a blank vacant stare towards it.

It meant nothing anymore. What happened that day happened, and it doesn’t matter if you hold onto it. Don’s still rotting on a wooden floor next to the corpses of creatures you couldn’t become, and you would always have to face that. Face that your own mortality was dependant on refusing to give it up for a rebel group to cut into looking for the answer to a question they don’t even understand.

Your jaw clenching as you felt the digging of your teeth into your cheek, maybe that was the fate you deserved, just not one you wanted for the only other girl you’d ever known as also like you.

Pushing up from the tree, you leaned forward enough to throw the lighter with a grunt. Watching it disappear into the treeline before your head fell into your arms now resting on your knees.

“Not a bad throw for sitting down.”

You damn near jumped out of your skin. Head whipping to the side to see Joel sitting beside you. The man was too sneaky for his own good sometimes. To the side of him, Ellie stood against another tree at a good enough angle to see both of you.

“How the hell does a man your size get around without anyone noticing?” Joel didn’t laugh but it got a smirk out of Ellie.

“I swear he uses it just to sneak up on me when I start slacking.” You both chuckled quietly at one another, their calm and cavalier attitude putting you at a strange ease without effort.

The deep rumble of Joel’s voice sat snugly into your ear, “Let me see it.”

Your head lulled to the side to watch as he gently grasped your arm, pulling the soaked wrappings away enough to inspect the slash. His face wasn’t in view but Ellie’s was. The sudden panic earlier now replaced with a stoic look you knew spoke volumes more than she wanted it too. Eyes squinting to see it without having the nerve to come closer.

“Needs to be re wrapped now obviously, but it looks good.” The lack of a disappointment in his tone sent you right back into the ever annoying world of confusion.

You wanted to bite back with tone, try and prove yourself, but exhaustion and defeat was all the muttered out. “Used to do it all the time when I travelled by myself. Good to know it’ll come in handy again now, I guess.”

Joel didn’t let go of you but his grip tightened somewhat. “Like hell you’re going anywhere.”

You tried yanking your arm out of his hand, but his strength was as stubborn as his personality. His name slipped out in protest, but he turned to look at you more direct, the view of Ellie side stepping to change her view in the corner of your eye.

“Hey. I need you to sit here, and just listen to me.” Sensing a hesitation, he pulled you in closer with a furrowed brow and eyes burning into yours. “Just let me say what I need to say before anything else. Okay?”

You nodded your head yes. His grip softened in your arm, and the feeling of this thumb trailing over your skin soothed the fading sting.

“We’re not here to change your mind, but we want you to. Whether you can accept it or not, you’re family now. And a family protects the ones they love, period.” His fingers grazed your cheek enough to turn you more to face him. “You try to do everything to prove yourself at every goddamn turn, worried if you even say you need help that’s some sign of weakness. That’s just not the case, sweetheart. You’re allowed to need us, you should need us sometimes, because,”

The half a second pause let Ellie finish his sentence. “Because we need you.”

Fingers sliding from your cheek, Joel still held onto your arm gently as you looked up at Ellie, the stoic slipping down with the rainfall. There was a waver overpowering the noise of the slowing water. “You don’t get to just walk out, just leave us here because you don’t think we care. You just can’t do that.”

She never spoke about this fear of abandonment that festers inside. Likely hardly knew it still existed after almost being dumped as Tommy’s problem when Joel got too scared of caring about her. Now it wasn’t just him she worried about walking out of her life.

Shoulders sagging slightly as the tension washed off, your mouth parted as your eyes met ones threatening to cry. This time Joel let your arm go, as he watched your reach begin to reach them out to Ellie. Only to be thrown backward into the trunk once more as she lunged into your chest.

The hug didn’t last long, but she squeezed with desperation, as you leaned your head into hers. Suddenly being pulled back at the gentle behest of Joel, “Watch her side.”

He was now leaning forward, replacing your hands on her with his. One of his own softly cupping the side of her face with an intensity that only could be read as a reassurance. Wiping her eyes before looking at you, she swiped some excess from her forehead in a thinly veiled act as if it was just the rain.

All three of you knew better. Ellie sat back on her heels, her emotional outburst not something she meant to explode on you with. You winced as you got up slightly on your knees to run your hand over her hair, you could feel Joel’s hands guiding you up, “Easy.”

The grumpy almost glare on her face reminded you of the man next to you. Clearly that was a learned trait of hers, not a hereditary one. Sucking in a deep breathe, you found it in yourself to stop being so afraid to just say what you felt. “I’ve done a lot of hard things to protect my own life over the years, a lot of shit that cost other people theirs. Some of it to get out of the most terrifying shit I’ve ever seen.”

Her eyes peering over to you with a stark understanding. You knew about that day, the vivid description of fear Joel felt seeing her with that horrific expression and a face covered in blood.

“But doing it because of what I am, when people who about it and only want your life for it, that’s a kind of guilt I don’t want for you. The kind of guilt I don’t understand and I don’t know if I ever will. But-” You took a deep breathe and moved to hold the other side of her face. “But you don’t deserve to do it, any of this, alone. And I’m sorry for trying to force you otherwise.”

Ellie nodded, a little too much as she compensated for a stirring of emotion she tried to hold together. All she could get out as a question forcing as little upset as possible, “You’re coming home...right?”

Honestly? It was sweet. Never once has she called your home anything but the place she shared with Joel. You may not know about the amount of times she debates with the man about getting him to just ask you to live there permanently, but you were beginning to feel the sentiment. “Yeah...I am. Can’t miss seeing how many more times you can possibly fail at guitar before you start learning anything, afterall.”

There it was, with a roll of her eyes the toiling anxiety left her in favour of a huffing annoyance. Pushing up onto her feet she mumbled, “Everyone’s got something to say don’t they?”

You and Joel joined her, his arms supporting you as you stood trying not to let a hiss come out with the wince from your side. Before you could start to follow, Joel stepped in front of you with a hand still on your waist. “Wait here a minute, will you?”

You nodded, and watched him pull Ellie over to the side in a conversation to quiet to hear even in the slowing rainfall. Your eyes distracted themselves with the dark leaves now encased in water with your arms wrapped around your front. Relationships confused you.

Speaking of which, you were turned around to face Joel his hand on your hip and the other tilting your chin up to his height. Just as you expected, he didn’t beat around the bush. Just skipping straight to the point. “Anytime something’s almost happened to you, I can barley manage to do anything before you end it all yourself.” Deep brown eyes deep into yours.

“It doesn’t exactly feel that way.” Hands without your permission, begin to find their way onto him. Not brave enough to settle anywhere you typically loved to hold, but palms lightly resting close to his stomach.

Joel shook his head, eyes bright still and a half smirk forming before he pulled your chin close and captured your lips with his. Pulling you in by your hip he deepened the kiss with a trace of his tongue exploring your mouth. Separating you just as you yearned to reciprocate.

Giving a full smile nearing adoration at the sight of your still closed eyes before you regained your senses. “You sure you don’t need glasses?” Your eyebrows raised in a total confused look and he only chuckled in response at it. “Because you are so fucking blind sometimes.”

The warmth in your heart eased from painful to much more relaxing. “I’m still not used to this.” Your hands now closer to a usual spot near his collarbones. “Felling like I depend on someone they way I do you. Worried it makes me just a burden on top of everything you got.”

Kissing your nose, Joel leans in as his mouth teases yours as his words brush against them. “Good. I want you to depend on me sometimes, sweetheart. I sure as hell depend on you. Ellie had to be the one to calm me down when I walked in and saw some blood on the floor and the knife. I damn well knew wasn’t hers.”

His fingers left your chin and pulled you in by the back of your head, this time pulling your hips so your front pressed into his as much as it could before pulling away just as quick. Resting his forehead to yours. “We’re family. We depend on each other, and don’t think for a second I think less of you because you need me sometimes. I’d sure as hell need you if you left.”

Shaking his head he kissed you once more just as you tried to let out an apology, and pulled away just enough “Don’t be.” Before resuming the kiss.

As easy it was for you to fall into his touch, Joel was just as weak. Your lips holding love instead of a panicked urgency the other night, your arms winding around his neck to rake gently through the hair you could reach.

He didn’t really think about it much as he moved you backwards until your back was pushed up against a tree. The collide against the surface sparked something inside him. It wasn’t the time nor the place for this, but too much had happened. It wasn’t just your head that was storming with difficult, painful emotions.

His kiss all consuming, tongue demanding he explore yours as much as he raved, and only pulling way to bite at your lips before starting the process all over again. You had put him through enough, but maybe he deserved a different kind of apology than being left behind.

The second your hands reached the top of his jeans, a needy groan fell from his lips as he changed directions to your neck. His teeth marking it up and down as he soothed each one with a kiss and brush of his tongue. The gentleness doing little good as his ravenous urge to mark you up also traced your skin with his facial hair, leaving a redness on his the harder he bit.

He mumbled into your neck as he felt you undoing his belt, “Fuck, sweetheart, you don’t-” only to be cut off with a moan as you kissed your way up to his ear trailing a path along his neck as well.

“Let me take care of you. For once.” Before kissing the skin just under his ear as you undid the zipper. He leaned into your body as his grip on you no doubt would brighten the fingertip shaped bruises he already left before.

Tugging his jeans just down enough to reach your hand inside your palm brushed against the coarse hair above his cock. Joel captured your lips once more with a bite right off the bat. Grinding his hips forward as you teased your way down with your fingers along the length of his cock. You didn’t have much room, so you traced the thick length down, down, down until you found his tip, stroking over it with a feather like touch.

Joel knew you didn’t have enough room and separated from your lips. Eyes blasting dark and lustful, he raked his eyes up and down your body before snatching your hands, fingers joined together and raised them above your head. “You going to be good?”

A nod was all he needed, to undo your own pants and yank them halfway down your thighs with one strong tug. Hardly giving himself the pleasure of looking at your bareness, he pushed himself back into you as kissed you. Wasting no time as his hand roughly cupped and squeezed your mound.

Smirking at your gasp, the fingers just reaching your entrance teased dipping in before caressing just around where he wanted. The palm of his hand rubbed against your clit roughly until the sensitive bundle had you trembling against him.

When he could take his time with you, Joel would take however long he desired to work you over, open you up and ease you into everything. But now, the warmth and growing wetness made him impatient. In one go he thrusted two thick fingers inside of you, eliciting a gasp of his name as your arms fell down to his shoulders, fisting the fabric there with no remorse for his earlier command.

One of his hands reached for your throat, not restricting it, not even encompassing it, just holding the side of your throat firmly to rub his thumb over the length down to the top of your chest and back up. “Can never fucking listen to me, why do you make me do this, baby?”

His only punishment though, was to thrust into you in tandem with the grinding of his palm into your clit. His fingers seeking the golden spot inside of you and smiling against your skin when you moaned out, hips writhing into his hand. Punishments to Joel meant nothing more than overwhelming you with pleasure.

The coiling in your stomach grew with how wet his thick fingers made you as they slid in and out. The sound of it even heard over the existing rain. But you wanted to make him feel good first, so you’d just have to disobey him a little more to treat him to it. Your hands on his shoulders moved to quick for him to catch it, grabbing at his jeans and pulling them down just enough to pull his cock out.

One hand jumped right in, gathering what was already spilling from his tip and stroking it up and down his length, the other sneaking just a bit more and gently cupping his balls. It was Joel who writhed this time, “Fuck, you-”

You stopped him with a kiss, pulling back just slightly as your hand slid up and down his length slowly, knowing how much it made his cock buzz with need, the other ever so slightly keeping his balls in your hand as you pulled your head back to lean against the tree. “This is supposed to be about you, let me help you, okay?”

His jaw clenched as one hand left him, the other now just holding his cock firmly as you dragged his hand slowly away from you, letting the wetness on his fingers trail up your chest, holding it just above your tits and your other pulling his cock just enough between your legs.

Not letting him in, but between your thighs. His eyes weren’t weak or even a hint of willing to give you control, but he still let you tease him just for now. Dragging his cock just enough to not slide inside you, but coating him with you.

His head looking down to your hold, seeing his cock shining more as it was dragged between your wet folds. Only pulling it away enough to press his hip up against your clit as you continued to stroke his cock. Much easier now, the wet sound almost matching up to what he pulled from you. Only granting you his length, Joel moved a hand to reach behind and grasp your ass tight, and pulling your hips in more, forcing your clit to press up against the tip of his cock.

His hold on your ass let him lift you onto your toes and increase the pressure on your clit and the whimpers that followed were music. Never really giving you control, he pushed his tip into you and pulled back. Never leaving your clit but easing and increasing the pressure against it.

You wanted to focus on stroking his cock, but his other hand on your ass took control. The sensation of his fingers tapping along to the middle, and dragging down before stopping just against where he knows no one has ever touched you.

You gasped his name, but he grinded himself into you more. “Shhh, I got you, sweet girl. You’re okay.” Not quite touching, but hovering over it until you felt you nod against him. “Out loud, baby, please.” Not a demand, but a soft beg of permission.

You nodded with your words this time, “Anything, fuck, anything you want, please just-fuck”, his other hand had overtaken his cock, pressing yours against his hip beside as he dragged his cock from your clit down to your entrance, and back up to continue rubbing it against you, and then dragging back down to slick his cock up more.

If you asked him later, Joel couldn’t tell you what was consuming him right now. He had almost lost you, and how you had the audacity to think he wanted you to leave. It made him almost angry. A burning sensation spreading from his chest all through his limbs. It was something akin to possessive, and he wanted to be easier on you. Ease you into something Joel hadn’t even thought about doing until this very moment. But it was the only thought he could focus on that wouldn’t send him back to memories of blood. So he lost himself in something he didn’t quite understand.

He was gentle behind you, very gentle. A tiny whimper leaving you as his index finger just rested against you, giving the same tiny rubs that he rubbed his tip into your clit with. Your body slightly tense, he only wanted you to feel relaxed. So he kissed you once more, not sparing any time as he opened your mouth up to let him in, keeping you only focused on his touch.

You gasped into his mouth, but Joel recognized that needy pleasure without failure. Joel never pushed his fingers inside, just pressed against you with occasional gentle caresses of the skin around it as if he needed to feel how much you leaned your body into him, or the sounds the teasing pulled from you. Your hands on him dragged all over but you whimpered in need, his name, and a please for more.

His cock now sat heavy against your entrance, threatening to push in if he pulled back enough. But his other hand kept a slow rub. He knew your body scarily well, knowing that if he stopped or slowed too much, that you’d tense up on him, always just on the edge of nervous if he pushed you just a little more.

Always afraid you’d disappoint him somehow no matter how much it frustrated Joel that you couldn’t stop thinking that.

His touch slid back and forth from teasing just outside of you, to a soft knead of the rest of your ass or hip. Not tight, not aggressive, almost soothing. For you, it enough that you leaned forward into his chest, head on his shoulder with one hand raking through his hair. His cock dragged back a bit, and he eased the tip of his cock barley inside you. “Look at me, sweet girl.”

You expected him to be cool and collected, but he was anything but. His eyes dark and blazing with need, his mouth parted sightly and breathing heavy enough you felt it on your cheek. “This-” The stoke pulled a difficult gasp from you, but it was so much, too much but you didn’t want him to stop. You’d beg for more if you thought he’d give it to you but you still tried to explain yourself. “I wanted to make you feel good.”

His teeth clenched as he lid just an inch more of his cock into you, his pace slow as he treasured how well you fit him. “This right here,” once again raking his eyes down you and back up. “You make me feel good.”

Just as his cock slid inside you with a soaked ease, your arms wrapped around his neck as he swore out himself. His cock was always so thick, and it filled you so deeply, but something about this moment weighed on your heart much heavier than ever before.

Joel dragged his cock in and out of you so much that he threatened to slip out every time, his finger no longer teasing your ass, but keeping himself his large hand splayed over the skin of your cheeks he could reach.

The slower pace didn’t pick up, but when he was as deep he could be inside you, Joel would pull out of you less and less. You pulled both sides of his face into you to kiss him.

It was just as deep as everything else he was inside of you, but not fast, not aggressive. He tasted your mouth just as slowly and intimately as his cock slid in and out of your warm walls. His thrusts never sped up, and you never asked him too.

Neither of you kept track how long he has you pressed up against the tree, but it was long enough that the sky turned darker as the sun started to go down and the rain had stopped all together.

Joel’s slow pace dragging right up against your walls, and the every present pressure of his finger deep inside of you, your orgasm built slower this time, but it made your body tingle so much more and you felt desperate at that point.

“Let me have it sweet girl, I want it baby, fuck I want it, you’re so close,” You clenched against his cock and his name fell from your lips, your walls tight around the thick length, your entire body arched in pleasure as he slowly thrusted still, never stopping just sliding in and out of you to drag you along as much as possible. Everything inside of you bursting at once, all you could do was hold on to him.

His hold on your ass and hip tightened, his pace increased as he chased his own orgasm. The feeling of you in such an overwhelming way took over him as he sped up every thrust until he pace had his skin slapped more steady against yours. The sound of your skin against his mixed with the how much he could hear how wet you were around his cock kept his pace faster. Every thrust bringing the sounds to his ears and it didn’t take long until he lost himself.

His teeth clenched and your nails raking through his hair, he pounded a few quick thrusts into you as his orgasm let go with your sweet voice in his ear, and your other hand reaching down to grasp one of his own ass cheeks, just enough to push his hips to sink into you faster.

He fucked you at that pace as he came. He couldn’t not. Last night and now were the only times he’s ever came inside of you and Joel couldn’t tell you why. There was a feral part of his brain that became possessed at how well you let him fuck you. He thought he should have felt bad. He wasn’t actually a possessive man, but there was an unspoken intensity that overrode a part of his brain and left a desperation in it’s wake.

He spilled into you, more and more cum leaving as he kept fucking up into you needing that feeling those sounds as now the wetness mixed with his cum. You moved your hand up to his waist with gentle squeezes as he finally slowed down almost instantly.

Panting, he looked to where he slid in and out of you, seeing with each pull how absolutely coated his cock was. Glistening from you, and covered white with his own cum and slowly pushed it back into you a few times before he stopped.

You gently pressed your lips against his, everything about you felt weak now, but your sanity felt tied to his touch. Joel slowly eased out of you completely, having to look up at your face instead of his cum soaked cock. The tip of his nose rubbed along yours and each of you reached for each other. You tucking him back and doing his jeans and belt back up as he pulled your pants back and rubbed at the skin of your hips he could see from your raised shirt.

Neither of you could say it yet, today was too much, this entire week had been too much. But Joel wasn’t in any doubt. “We work together from now on, you’ve got me, and I’ve got you. That’s all there is too it, sweetheart.”

Maybe it’d get easier with time, your brain was quieter then it had been since a week ago that day, and put the pain at ease, filled only with here and now, and who you have. Guess Joel and Ellie weren’t about to let you go anytime soon, so you’d just have to repay the favour.

You had plenty to work on but you at least had a new flicker of hope that having what could be a family might make it easier to do. You decided not to think about what Ellie didn’t know. Only time would get them there, and at least he had you.

Joel knew he couldn’t keep it from her forever, not did he want to. Maybe in another universe he’d keep it so long she’d find out on her own, and that would tear her away from him more then Joel could bare, but he had you, and you understood not just how he felt about it, but you knew exactly how she felt about it too.

You all had each other and maybe he could make it through when that day comes together.

Ellie was his daughter now, and you helped remind him of how much that means to him. He had been holding back for a while not to say it to you.

It damn near slipped from his mouth the second he lost himself as you came around him. But it wasn’t time, the words meant everything to him, but he suspected they weren’t something anyone has ever said to you in your life. Even before hand, knowing enough about your previous life only made him more careful. Not to say it too fast or at the wrong moment, and to make sure you felt safe and belonging in this family you were all creating together.

As you both made your way back, Joel stopped in place at one point, grabbing you by the hip and turning you to him. He rubbed right below your side as his heart melted at the softest you have looked in days. “You know....right?”

Maybe Joel was along the same lines as you, you realized. Your shoulders rose as you took a deep breathe, taking a step forward. Your hand rubbing along the scruff on his cheek as you gave a tiny chaste kiss, only giving him a nod.

That’s all that was needed for right now. He knew this turmoil inside of you wasn’t gone, but maybe now you’d let him support you in whatever way he could. He knew all to well what letting that pain build up for too long could do to you. It wasn’t something he wanted for anyone.

Joel smiled, and wrapped an arm around you, turning you forward once again to go home. Gracing the top of your head with a kiss, there was another burning question he just couldn’t stop in time from slipping out. “If I ask you to just hurry up and move in already, is that gonna be too much for one day?”

This time you stopped in your tracks, but only long enough to drop your head in a breathe that turned into a laugh. You leaned into his touch. “I’ve got nothing left at my house that I need. Would be a pain to make you bring it all back there now, wouldn’t it?”

“Why would I be the one having to do all the work?” The smirk on your lips all he got back.

You didn’t need to look at him to see his face flat and his eyes roll on cue. “Still got a long way to go with that attitude don’t we?” What you also didn’t need to see to know about was the double meaning to his words. This was more than just about teasing, or the physical part. What happened that day and now meant something more than just a few minor incidents to all three of you.

You’re not sure if you’ve ever seen Joel today the way he was, but maybe it was your fault for letting it build up to this. You knew it wasn’t just Joel pushing your limits for the sake of it. No, tonight was something new for both of you in a much more desperate emotional way. Like he needed you as close as possible and he worked you weak enough to let him.

Sex wasn’t casual for you, and you were lucky Joel didn’t treat it as such. You didn’t know what to say a lot of the time, but he could read your touch like a book and you hoped he knew it was the same for you. Today wasn’t the right time or place, but it was the only thing that grounded you and Joel to the present in almost a week.

It was easier to express things through touch with him sometimes because of that. You both can struggle to open up, and almost losing you, only to have to sit back and watch not knowing how you would wake up. You can’t imagine what that felt like for him, and you’re not sure you want to.

Having something akin to family was unusual, and would take some getting used to going forward. The pain, the memories, the demons toiling in you were still there. This feeling wasn’t going to go away, but maybe now it wouldn’t destroy you for it.

Joel made it clear you can rely on him to be there for you, and you had a feeling he was going to need you in just a matter of time. He’s strong on his own, but you can only handle so much on the inside.

Neither of you knew though, exactly what about that past day would come looking for him.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller imagine #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #pedro pascal x reader

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sweetwolfcupcake · 6 months

Text

Wildflower: 04

The Secret Garden

John Wick x Reader

Category: Short Series

Warnings: None really but creepy, questionable behaviour (what else do you expect in a yandere fic?)

Note: John is relatively younger in this fic( late thirties to early forties)

(The GIF is not mine, credit to the owner. Sorry, my pea-sized brain cannot keep up from where I downloaded it.)

Unedited

Wildflower 03

“You have given her the card?”

Another hit, another night at the Continental, another dinner with Winston.

The older man nodded, continuing to eat, eyes on his plate before they rose to meet John’s intrigued ones.

“You know that the card means…”

“She is under my protection and the hotel’s doors are always open for her— services included.” Winston completed.

“She’s a civilian, Winston.”

John could not get it. Winston seldom gave his personal ‘Access Card’ (As he liked to call it) to anyone– even in their world. John had it, Charon had it and he did not know of anyone else who had it until…Until two nights ago.

When he saw it among (Y/N)’s possessions, he had to look twice. It was, Winston's card, after all, and she fucking carried it around in her bag like an idiot.

“And how did you come to know about the card? I had it shipped to her discreetly.”

Well, that was the question he was dreading. But he would not let it show.

“I bumped into her during…a job.” He did not elaborate and hoped he would not need to.

“Wrong time, wrong place?”

John nodded. Fortunately, she had just caught the panicked rush. And she had dropped her bag somewhere along the way. John could only imagine what could have happened if the bag fell into the wrong hands– if the card fell into the wrong hands.

He had only gone through the contents to decide where to drop the bag safely. He totally did not go through her home address and ID.

Winston only hummed and continued to eat. His question, though, was still unanswered.

“She has nothing to do with our world, Winston. She does not need that.”

“Well she walked into our world, had a meeting with me, sat with us at the underground bar— everyone there saw it. I respected Artemis, and I wanted to keep my word.”

Yes, she walked into their world. Like a fucking lamb stumbling into a slaughterhouse. John sighed and continued to eat his dinner. He would rather eat by himself, in the confinement of his room, but he did not mind Winston. Besides, a dinner invitation from the manager of Continental held great significance.

He liked the silence and slowed thoughts when he was in his company, doing mundane things. Like a normal human being. That was the closest to an ordinary life he could ever get. The rest was unattainable luxury.

But in recent days. Even in the comfort of silence and solitude, his mind was filled with a certain name, a certain smile. A certain face. A certain voice.

It felt so uncharacteristic of him— it was puzzling. His hold tightened on the knife and fork, the image of her confused face as she looked around people rushing flashed in his mind.

Not again. Not again!

Gulping some wine, he tried to clear his head. He was thinking like that again. He should not be thinking like that.

She is a civilian. An innocent civilian.

He chided himself.

“Something troubling you Jonathan?”

Of course, Winston would notice.

He looked up and sighed in silence. Thankfully, Winston did not poke further.

—------

(Y/N) admitted that there were a lot of things she had not prepared herself for before moving to New York— the basics were, thankfully, sorted out in her head. And yet, the pace of life, the mouse problem, more cockroaches, and the general indifference came to her as bumps and jerks. But all was good.

Everything was good until two days ago.

Nothing prepared her for a literal shootout at a subway station and losing her bag in the process. Thankfully, she was not caught in the middle of the crossfire— it was just the panicked rush just outside the crime scene.

But what she was more thankful about, was the fact that a kind officer brought her bag to her doorstep by the same evening. Her wallet was in that bag with her address. She did not wish to think what would happen if it fell into the wrong hands. Crime in the city ran rampant.

She had heard of it, not much on the news, but more as whispers floating around in her relatively quieter town. But she never paid much heed to them. She had treated them as rumours— the news did not show much, after all. The news did not show even half of it. But above all, the general public’s indifference to such crimes baffled her.

Did they not want their city safe? Were they not afraid? What era was it?

She reflected on Alex’s words. They discussed the same.

“You eventually grow immune to it.”

He had told her. Not very helpful, but that was an explanation of some sort. People in the city must have grown immune to it— they learned to live with it. But could she grow indifferent as well? She did not think so.

But there was too much at stake. She did not wish to return to her hometown, was still not talking to her father other than one-worded texts, had a job in New York that paid well–enough, had already signed the recent contract and paid two months of rent and the overall living cost of the city kissed the skies and any spontaneous decision would end up burning her pocket— not just a hole in her pocket.

So, the only option left was to get up, dust herself and keep moving. Yet, among all the chaos, she was glad to have found a friend like Alex. His humour and insight always helped. Her thoughts moved to her encounter with John Wick a few days ago. Clearly, Alex and John knew each other. But Alex never elaborated other than calling John an ‘acquaintance’ and John…well, she might as well admit that she would be reluctant to approach him under most circumstances.

There was— she could not put a pin on it. But there was something almost ominous about that man. The way he looked, the way he spoke, the way he stood, carried himself— every aspect about him seemed to stand out. Not enough to gain immediate attention, but enough to steer clear of his way.

Now, that did not make sense. She realised. Neither did her observation that there was still something inexplicably melancholic about that man. His eyes were unreadable but sharp and so eerily calm that his gaze made her gulp– true. But there was a deep sense of sadness. It was subtle, but it was so ever-present that it seemed to have become a part of him. Nothing temporary but an inseparable part of him.

Now, that’s a bit of a stretch!

She chided herself. What was she doing? Wondering about a man she had met only a couple of times, weaving assumptions and stories?

She shook her head and took the last bite of her dinner. She missed how dinners were timely back in her home. She missed her home a lot, she was not afraid to admit it. But she was too proud to go back. So, whatever it was, she needed to get along with it.

—---

What was he doing?

John was at a fix. He had the night to himself— a chance to relax but why was he not under the covers, relaxing on his bed?

Why was he standing in the darkest corner of the room, watching her sleeping form? Her apartment was decent, he noticed and she was careless enough to not even feel a presence in her room.

What if it were someone else?

Someone dangerous?

You are dangerous.

His subconscious mocked.

John blinked, trying to convince himself that it was all for Winston’s sake— he had taken her under his wing and John, being close to Winston, must play his part in protecting her. Especially when wolves were lurking around, one had followed her from the Continental, sniffing behind, wrapping a sheep’s skin over to lure her near.

Alex Norton…

He was skilled with poison and guns, and while John had never crossed paths with him at work, they had shared a few respectful nods now and then at the Continental. But now…

Now he was keeping an eye out for Norton.

John gulped, keeping his eyes fixed on her form. If he could keep his reservations aside, he understood Norton’s fascination with the girl.

They were both starved creatures from hell, crawling out now and then, and she was an angel, offering the solace he knew he did not deserve.

She offered what people like him were deprived of. It was tempting to just pull her into the depths of the dark with him, let her light it up— but how unfair, how cruel would that be?

Did he not see and endure enough cruelty? Why would he want an innocent civilian to lose their privileges just because one starving, deformed, empty soul had suddenly realised how impossibly bleak and bitter his world was?

No, John had made peace with this life. He would not call himself ‘the best’, but he knew he was good—- good enough to win special privileges at the New York Continental– to win the confidence of Winston Scott.

He never truly understood Winston, or his ways.

As far as he knew, Artemis was like any other patron at the Continental and had been a part of the underground before he officially left his…tribe, in search of freedom— some semblance of it at least. He had it now, and it was the best he could get.

He must make peace with it.

He stared at the asleep woman for a good minute before looking away. He needed to leave. He wanted to leave. He really wanted…

John sighed and leaned against the wall instead.

He would just watch, and observe. He would keep a distance. Like he should.

****

So, we are getting at creepy John, I don't want it to be too slow, but I also want it to be realistically paced. I don't know hat I'm doing, but I am doing it anyway.

#yandere john wick #john wick x reader #dark john wick #dark!john wick #soft! dark john wick #yandere john wick x reader #john wick imagine #john wick x you

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ms--lobotomy · 5 months

Text

So happy you all are liking my Mertarion fics! Here's your food for the day. [Previous] [Next]

Summary: You learn to care for the big funny mermaid in your pool.

Word Count: 1016

Content Warning: Mention of the United States, mentions of eating live fish, infodumping about a topic that i find very interesting,

Image Credit: @squishyowl

The supermarket was crowded this Sunday with a selection of well-dressed denizens of your city. It must be the after-church rush. You felt most underdressed for this trip to the store. The line for the checkout was long, and the man behind you sighed as he checked his phone. The music was blaring loud, and you could hear it through your headphones. The cashier raised an eyebrow at you as she slid the last tray of salmon across the scanner.

"Cookout," you said, taking one of your headphones off of your ear.

The cashier stuck out her lower lip and nodded, sticking the tray in the last of your reusable bags. "Have fun at your cookout," she said. You winced at the total in front of you as you put your card in the card reader. Groceries were expensive already without a giant merman in your pool. It chimed, and you took the card out.

"Have a nice day," said the cashier, and you exited the store and hurried to your car.

...

"You told me you like salmon?" you asked, your lower legs dangling in the cool water. "How do you even get salmon? There's no wild salmon in the state," you said, throwing a cut into the pool.

He took it, putting it in a death roll not unlike an alligator would its prey. His teeth were sharp, his pupils (from what you saw, at least) a straight line on his eye. He splashed saltwater everywhere. You squealed, throwing your forearms in front of your face through the worst of it.

"Mortarion, careful, your stitches..." you muttered before he soon stopped his activity.

"Force of habit..." he said after swallowing his first bite of salmon. He had the fillet in one hand and was grabbing at the deep blue tiles that lined your pool with the other. You noticed him running his fingers along them, and smiled slightly. He took another bite and swallowed. "I would much prefer live fish, but this will do."

You shuddered at the prospect of feeding a live fish to the merman in your pool. Where would you even get one? Typhus spent a lot of time at the beach and you would see him there when you went on your off days, but you weren't going to ask him anytime soon.

Meanwhile, Mortarion pulled himself out of the pool a little bit to look at you. "You do not eat live fish?" he asked, his eyebrows raised and his green eyes widened.

"Oh, absolutely not," you muttered, running a hand along your other forearm.

"Oh," he said, genuinely taken aback. "You are a strange one, for sure."

"It's my entire species, actually..." you trailed off. "Unless, you're kind of weird, I guess? I mean, there's weirdos online who eat raw meat but I doubt they'd eat--"

"None of you eat live fish?" he asks after swallowing another bite of fish.

"No... sorry."

He looked at you incredulously. He moved his hand along the side of the pool, towards your dangling leg. He brushed his finger against its side, and you felt your heart beating in your chest much more palpable than normal. As you inhaled sharply, he retracted his hand, looking away briefly. Blood rushed to your face and you looked towards your plants.

The two of you sat in awkward silence for a moment as he finished his salmon before you caught sight of two orange butterflies in your yard. They flew around each other, tumbling through the air before one of them stopped at the passion vine that adorned the trellis and the other flitted around it.

"Oh!" you shouted, eager to fill the void with light conversation. You pointed at the two little beings by the plant. "Look! Butterflies!"

Mortarion's eyes shot towards your little friends. "That's what they look like," he remarked. "I did not expect their wings to be so... extravagant."

"Oh, I think I forgot to mention that," you said, your face going warm again. "Well, that's a Gulf Fritillary. Some people call it the Passion Butterfly, but my mom always called it the first one. Oh, oh! Can you see the iridescent spots on them? They're a little far..."

He nodded. "They have little black borders around them."

"Oh, you can see those?" you asked, your eyes going wide. "I can only see them when they're really close." You let out a slight chuckle before looking down at him. He was awestruck, to say the least. His eyes were trained on the small bugs. His tail swished in the pool, and the rest of him was as still as a statue.

"I have never seen creatures such as these," he remarked after a little while.

"Well, there's plenty of them to see here, especially this time of year," I said. "You see that plant over there? That's a passion vine, it's a host plant for more than one species of butterfly. The Zebra Longwing actually competes with the Gulf Fritillary for this plant!" The butterflies had been moving along the plant, trailing lower and lower.

Mortarion's eyes were still trained on them. "What's the Zebra Longwing like?" he asked.

"Slightly smaller," you said, shifting slightly at the poolside. Your leg brushed against his hand again. Your eyes widened and you tensed up. He turned around to look at you, and you relaxed. He wasn't here to hurt you.

"Is... is that okay?" he asked, his voice low yet raspy.

You nodded, slowly at first before your movement became more vigorous. "It is," you said, lowering your hand to touch his. His eyes widened before he looked up at you.

"Care to join me in the pool?" he asked. He shut his eyes before opening them, looking around almost in terror.

You looked down at your outfit. Shorts that were neither too long nor too short, and a white tank top with a red design stenciled into it. You got up, and he retracted his hand, still staring at you.

"I would love to," you said. "Just let me get changed real quick."

Taglist: @bispecsual @justeverythingnothingelse @bleedingichorhearts @nekotaetae @historitor-bookshelf

#with tags like these i feel like ao3 would recieve me well #i do like tumblr though #warhammer 40k x reader #primarch x reader #mermay #mermay 2024 #mortarion #mortarion x reader #reader insert

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crookedkryptonitebeliever · 2 years

Text

Yandere Best Friend pt 2

tw: self harm, mentions of violence, general deranged yandere shenanigans, angst

ageless blogs n minors DNI blease tq <3

part 1 here

my masterlist

this sucks bros i broke my fucken leg and i cant move, my cast is so itchy and i cant scratch and i feel nasty cause i cant shower

feeling bads, so thats why i churned part 2 out faster thn usual , its shorter than before but just need some angsty comfort atm

as uaual many errors cause i did not proofreasd

enjoy i hope

You left the exam hall a couple hours later. To find out that your dad left a total of seven missed calls. You thought someone fucking died.

Of course, you called back. Preparing for the worst.

Your father picked up the phone, he explained that it was your friend. He had a mental breakdown because you weren't there for the opening of his dream restaurant. Eventually though, he calmed down enough to come back into the building to return the phone, eyes noticeably dull and tired, worse than before. He never stopped trembling.

The three of them sat down and talked.

Neither of your parents knew you stopped contacting him. They thought everything was fine, so your friend couldn't fault them for that.

Your parents trusted your friend, so they gave him your phone number and told him basic information about you now. Such as, the country you're studying in and the course.

You felt a pang of guilt, but you had to move on. You understood that he was busy, it would probably do no good for you to try and reach out to him. You would just ruin his plan and distract him too much. At least, that was what you thought.

Usually, he would call every day. But that turns to once every three days. Then once a week. Then never.

It's true that he would not miss a single day to send you a sweet message, a reminder to practice self care and that you're very dear to his heart. Which would be then followed by an update to his progress, it was stressful to read what he was going through and that was all he talked about. You felt like his personal diary, he stopped asking about how things were going for you.

Since it doesn't seem to bother him you weren't replying because he would send his texts when the entire world is asleep, you stopped opening his texts too.

You wanted to tell him in person that you're moving out to pursue your studies and you were granted a student loan. A crushing student loan. But... You believe his ten minutes of free time a week is better used for his sleep. Or even going to the bathroom perhaps.

A day passes by another and in the end, you moved on without him. Without telling him. It just always slips your mind every time you see him brisk walking towards his beat up car with a stack of metal trays in his arms. They must be extremely heavy, you could see the veins bulging out of his forearms and forehead.

It was hard to watch his cheeks get sunken in, his hair going back to its' matted, unhealthy state, dark bags forming under his constantly bloodshot eyes. He looked like he aged a decade older from all the stress and pressure. But... He is working towards his dream and you're happy for him. It was great that he finally achieved what he wanted, he deserved all of its glory for working his ass off like that.

You held no ill will towards him, but you grew apart. He was so consumed with work that the friendship suffered in silence, there were no more fun hangouts together at the mall, you don't get to eat his cooking anymore (you didn't want to burden him by buying a tray, he already has too much to do), no more fun conversations about the silliest shit. It was just... Bank loans, revenue, expenses, investors, employees, employers, credit score, mortgages, taxes etcetera. The urgency and distress was also rubbing off you too, there were nights you woke up in a cold sweat because you had a nightmare that your hypothetical restaurant failed and you went into debt.

So you thought, he needed his time. You shouldn't really interfere with anything you don't understand. Your friend is already nose deep in the real world, you're not even close to it yet and you're not ready for it yet either. Therefore, you took the route most young adults take after getting a high school diploma: getting a bachelor's degree in some field of study that you probably don't even like.

You trudged onwards to the direction of your hostel. You need to get ready for your shift, money is a little tight now and you don't want to burden your parents too much. They're already sending a lot of money to support your living.

If your friend knew you were working hard for some extra money, his heart would break. It would be devastating news to him, no doubt, he would at least have a dozen freakouts and breakdowns. But you don't know that, yet.

As expected, your friend eventually called you. It was later than expected; it took him a week before he called your new phone number himself. He needed to calm down and collect his thoughts, as he knew that he might just drive you away if he comes barreling in with passionate yelling and sobbing over the phone. Plus, he also needed to focus on his new restaurant too, he can't just abandon his lifelong dream like that. How else is he going to make enough money to provide for you? He can't take back the money and time he invested in this now, all he can do is keep going and find some compromise.

It was tempting to go M.I.A. and hastily book a plane ticket to wherever you're studying. He was deeply yearning for your presence, he was desperate, he was clawing his arms and decorating them with nasty scars in an attempt to keep the urge at bay. He was extremely miserable but he had to keep going, to build that wonderful, cushiony foundation for you and him to fall back onto.

Everything he does, he does it for you.

He was polite, kind and pleasant during the first phone call you both had in two years. Though, there was a noticeable twinge of hurt in his mildly wavering voice. He still sounded like he's happy and relieved to hear you again.

The call started off with a greeting, then some small talk, then finally to the meat of the call;

Why didn't you tell me? He asked. It seems like he was fighting back his tears.

You didn't answer right away, you don't know what to say.

You could tell him the truth that he was too busy with his endeavors and you just don't feel like interfering by burdening him with "unnecessary information". However, you think that might wound him deeply as you're somewhat blaming him for your own actions.

You could lie... and tell him what, exactly? Either way, it would hurt him even more and there is probably going to be some resentment.

So, you apologized. You kept your reasoning brief and simple; you needed to move on. You acknowledged that whatever you did wasn't very nice of you, but you still had to proceed and you thought that it would be better that you didn't tell him.

There was a moment of silence between the both of you.

On the other side of the call, your friend was wracking his brain, trying to comprehend what you just told him. It came across as you not wanting to do anything with him anymore because you feel unprioritized, unimportant, inferior. Guilt and remorse was eating him up, he is putting all the faults onto himself.

He spiraled downwards in that call, spewing nonsense and absurd promises to destroy everything he has ever worked for just to have you back in his arms. Deranged negotiations involving the idea of blinding, deafening, mutilating or doing some sort of bodily or mental harm to himself to prove something; prove that he puts you above everything else and also to punish himself for neglecting you.

It was horrifying to hear your dear friend babble about putting himself into financial ruin for the sake for your forgiveness. He spoke of his accomplishments and advancements as they were disposable, as if it held no value compared to you.

This isn't normal, far from it, Your friend devolved so much to the point he was making demented pledges to kill and maim your enemies for you, and only you. To eviscerate the ones you dislike and send videographic proof of it, to disembowel his business associates to show that they mean absolutely nothing to him. Mind you, he was talking about real, breathing, living humans.

It was hard to fully grasp the insanity in his now incoherent words, he was muttering apologies and self hatred. Promises of severe self harm was also common in his mad speech. At one point, religion and superstitions were thrown into the mix. But you could not understand what he was chanting about.

What the fuck are you talking about? Your friend didn't pick up on your distress... or words over his excessive tirade against himself.

Everything I do, I do it for you, and I would do anything and everything for you. I love you- You hung up.

You couldn't take a second more of that. It was really difficult to see this side of him. It hurts you too that he became like this, perhaps all the stress from building a business from the ground up fried his mind. Whatever it was, you knew that he is not good for you anymore.

You sent him a final text message telling him that you're not comfortable with him after that massive sanity slippage. You wished him luck and expressed your regrets that it had to turn out this way.

You didn't give him a chance to respond, you blocked him immediately on everything and went on with your day.

Whatever he said kept replaying in your head like a broken record. It was pure horror.

888 notes · View notes

jazzycurls · 2 years

Text

You belong to me - part 3.

Pairing: Eddie Munson x fem!Reader

Summary: It's a surprise 😉🤫

Warnings/Tags: 18+ minors dni! Cheating, angst, hurt & comfort, smut, masturbation (let me know if I missed something)

An: Hi, you guys! I guess I'm not new to writing anymore, but I'm still a newbie. All feedback is welcome. Be gentle please haha. Please do not steal or copy my work. Don’t repost without credit. This is my written work, everything besides the characters and plot points by the original writers, belongs to me. Love you guys, and thank you so much for the support, hope you enjoy ❤

Word Count: 6,445

You slam your front door and storm up the steps to your room. Your mom is at work, so you don't have to worry about being quiet coming into the house. Your mom is pretty laid back, pretty much giving you free rein to do whatever you want as long as it's within reason.

Yanking off your clothes, you stomp over to your bathroom and cut on the shower. You step into the stream of hot water, letting it flow over you. Sighing in relief as the water massages you, temporarily distracting you from your thoughts of Eddie.

You stay in there longer than you normally would, feeling slightly calmer than when you first got in. You put on a pair of pajamas, the ones your mom and dad bought you for Christmas when they were still together. It was the last Christmas you had as a family, and they had quickly become a favorite of yours even though they were getting to be too small for you.

You sat down on your bed preparing for sleep when you heard a knock at your door. Glancing at the clock on your bedside table, it read 12:45 a.m. 'Who's knocking at my door at this time of night,' you wondered.

You knew it wasn't Clara. She and Steve were likely having some aggressive cuddling right about now. Something that you were kinda jealous of right now if you had to be honest. Walking down the stairs, you grabbed a baseball bat out of the closet your mom kept for emergencies.

You stood on your tip toes, peeking out of the peephole. Your stomach fluttered in surprise at the sight of the back of Eddie's curly mane. Feeling a little petty, you called out "Who is it" through the door with a smirk on your face.

He turned around facing the door "It's Eddie," he answered.

You paused before replying, "I'm sorry, don't know an Eddie. You must have the wrong house," your tone was snippy with a hint of humor.

Eddie's face turned to confusion as he looked around. Could he have gotten the address wrong? "I'm sorry, does Y/n L/n live here," he questioned anxiously. It was late, and the thought of being in the suburbs made him uneasy. He didn't want someone to call the cops on him for a simple misunderstanding. Eddie wasn't stupid, he knew that the parents of Hawkins didn't like him and wouldn't hesitate to call the cops on him.

A moment of silence passed as he waited for the person on the other side to answer. Just as he was about to turn and walk away, he heard "Wait," and the clicking of the locks and deadbolt. The door slid open, and there you were.

He was stunned into silence when he saw you. You always looked beautiful to him but the sight of you in your girly pajamas, simply put, was the cutest fucking thing he ever saw. His cock began to stir in his jeans and he willed it to go down, this was not the time to sport a raging boner.

"How do you know where I live," you ask, leaning against the door frame.

Eddie looks at you for a moment before looking away bashfully "I may have followed you home once or twice before. But it was only to make sure you got home safe y'know? Just on the days when you had to walk home," he added quickly.

"Okay, that's totally not creepy. You know what, I don't care honestly. Why are you even here Eddie," you question, you can feel that your patience is starting to wear thin.

"I um—," he starts nervously before clearing his throat. "I wanted to apologize." He twists the rings on his fingers as he tries to keep eyes on your face.

"You could've just called then," you responded shifting your weight to one foot and resting your hand on your hip. Eddie's gaze follows your movements before snapping back up and meeting your eyes. He blushes at the smirk on your face knowing you just caught him checking you out.

"I thought it would be more sincere if I did it in person," he said sheepishly shrugging his shoulders, mentally kicking himself for not thinking this through.

You stand there silently in contemplation. "C'mon you say, turning around and walking back into the house with Eddie following close behind. It's chilly outside and you'd rather do this in the house than stand outside in the cold. You walk over and stand near the bottom of the stairs, waiting for Eddie as he closes the door, and walks over to you. You cross your arms as you raise your eyebrow expectantly.

"Right," he says scratching the back of his head. "I'm sorry Y/n, I was an asshole—,"

"An inconsiderate asshole," you interrupt with a smirk.

"An inconsiderate asshole and I wasn't thinking clearly. I just got so jealous when I saw you with that asshat Billy that I just reacted without thinking. So I'm sorry Y/n, please forgive me," he finishes in one breath, dropping to his knees and clasping his hands underneath his chin.

You roll your eyes at his dramatics, stepping closer to him causing him to look up at you. His eyes like usual are big and wide, immediately catching your attention. Although his gesture is playful his eyes are filled with sincerity. Realizing that you've been standing there staring into his eyes for a while, you cough as you look away, embarrassed.

"I forgive you," you whisper, still looking away. Eddie grabs you by the waist and pulls you in for a hug. Your heart lurches, and you look down at him in shock. A smile slowly spreads across your face, and you bring your hands to rest upon his hair. He presses his face into the softness of your belly, and you hum happily, temporarily forgetting that you two weren't on good terms.

With a deep inhale, Eddie takes all of you in, feeling drunk off of the smell of you. You remind him of the floral baskets that his mom used to buy before she got sick. There's also a hint of your natural scent that teases his senses, making him wish he could bottle up your fragrance and keep it with him at all times.

You look back down at Eddie as he glances back up at you. Something about the way you have him on his knees for you has you clenching your thighs together. A motion that doesn't go undetected by Eddie. One moment you're staring at each other and the next your lips are crashing together in a heated kiss full of tongue and teeth.

Eddie's hands slide up and down your waist finally settling to cup your ass, kneading and massing it playfully. The loose cotton of your clothing allows him to push your cheeks up and apart. The movement causes your panties to slide up as your lips spread apart sucking the fabric in greedily. He does this a few times making you wet in the process.

Your grip on his hair tightens and a low moan tumbles from his lips, eliciting a wave of arousal to flow from you, drenching your panties. Eddie stands up taking you with him as you continue the kiss. Your legs wrap around his waist as he walks you both towards the stairs.

It's a miracle you both make it up there in one piece. Pressing you up against the wall, the kiss becomes more heated and you pull away, feeling lightheaded as you take in a shaky breath. Eddie doesn't stop there, now seeing an opportunity to lay claim to your neck that's now exposed to him. He licks a stripe from the bottom of your neck to your hairline before placing a sweet kiss behind your ear.

You moan in response and he attacks your soft skin sucking it between his lips sensually. His fingers are gripping your hips tight as he presses you further into the wall. Your mind is no longer your own as you grind your hips against his suggestively.

"Shit Y/n, you're going to be the death of me, baby. You know that?" he mumbles against your skin.

"My room— it's over there," you motion with your head, ignoring his question. You know that if you don't go to your room right now, the possibility of Eddie taking you, up against this wall is very likely.

Eddie moves you both again, headed in the direction you pointed him in. In no time, he's standing beside your bed and dropping you down onto the soft mattress. You squeak in surprise and before you can protest, he drops down on top of you, crushing his mouth against yours once more.

Eddie feels as if he's going insane. His mind is consumed with only you as he attempts to devour you. One second he's licking into and around your mouth, the next he's sucking and nipping at your exposed chest, leaving bruising marks along the way.

You're just as desperate, as your hands feel and grope him wherever they can reach. Committed to hearing those sweet moans tear out of his throat whenever your hand grazes a sensitive area. "Eddie," you whine as your hips rut against his. "I need you."

Eddie looks up at you with a devious grin "Where are your manners baby? That's no way to ask for something," he chides, thrusting his hips up into yours, earning a gasp from you.

"Please Eddie, I need you," you whimper, tears collecting at the corners of your eyes. The lack of orgasms you've been experiencing for the past couple of weeks makes you feel desperate and needy.

"Awe my poor baby needs it. Well, what baby wants baby gets," Eddie replies as he leans up and shrugs out of his jacket. You whine at the loss of contact. Eddie shushes you and you sit up on your elbows watching him undress. He's down to his birthday suit in a matter of seconds and you stare at him unabashedly.

"Like what you see," he grins, shaking his erect cock at you.

You look away embarrassed, a heated flush creeping along your neck, settling onto your chest. Eddie descends upon you again taking your chin between his fingers "Eyes on me sweetheart," he mumbles giving you a chaste kiss.

You look back at him, watching as he presses kisses down your throat, stopping when your shirt gets in the way. Dragging his hands up your sides he removes your shirt and you lean up a little as he pulls it up and over your head.

He continues slowly, taking his time as he presses soft kisses and licks into your skin. You shift your pelvis against him impatiently, earning a stern look from him. "Behave," he demands, stopping his movements altogether.

Your heart hammers in your throat and you nod warily at him. You're not sure why but whenever you're with him, your instincts are always geared toward listening to and pleasing him. A reaction you've never had with anyone else.

Satisfied with your response, he moves down to your shorts, pressing his nose directly into your center. "Fuck, how do you smell so good," he groans, grinding himself into your mattress.

You shrug your shoulders, even though he can't see you, and grind your hips into his face. His nose bumps against your clit deliciously. Pleasure shoots through you and your hips began to move erratically, desperate for more.

Eddie leans away again and he makes a tsk tsk sound with his tongue. "Such a needy little slut aren't you?" He snatches down your shorts and panties, throwing them over his shoulder. "Here I was, about to give you some pleasure with my tongue and you're being ungrateful."

He climbs back up the bed up to your face. You shake your head at him "No Eddie, I didnt mean—,"

Eddie silences you with a kiss that takes your breath away "Shhh baby, it's okay. I know what you need and I'm going to give it to you right now," he says rubbing his member along your wet folds before pushing deep inside of you. Your hands fly onto his shoulders gripping him tight as your face scrunches up in pain. He gets halfway in before he's stopped unable to go any further.

"You're a virgin," he asks surprised, you had never mentioned it before, so he had assumed that you weren't.

You shake your head no "Once before but he wasn't as big as you," you manage between labored breaths.

Eddie groans, fingers holding your hips tight as he restrains from driving his cock deeper into you "Shit, Y/n. You should've told me, this changes everything," he mumbles in a strained voice against your lips.

You clutch him tighter against you, afraid that he's going to leave. One of his hands leaves your hips, slipping between you both as he rubs slow circles into your clit. Your reaction is instant as whines and moans fly from your mouth in a voice that surprises you. Eddie pulls out and pushes back in slowly when he feels you beginning to loosen up. Arousal seeps out of you, coating his and your thighs generously.

Switching his ministrations, he starts to rub faster into your clit in a side-to-side motion. Your orgasm creeps up on you with no warning and Eddie drives his cock into you up to the hilt. The pain blending with pleasure only heightens the intensity of your orgasm as you come with a breathless cry.

The feel of you has Eddie's hips faltering. He swears that this is what heaven must feel like as your gummy walls squeeze him over and over again. He keeps up his pace as he fucks you through your orgasm, his fingers relentless on your clit.

Leaning down his lips captures yours in a heart-stopping kiss. It's sloppy and erratic but so full of passion that it steals your breath away. You've never felt like this before, the intensity of this mutual desire between you scares and excites you all at once.

He wants you to come again, he needs you to. He wants you to feel as good as he does right now. "Fuck Y/n, tell me your close baby," Eddie begs, his voice hoarse and deep. He can feel his orgasm creeping up and it's taking everything in him to hold it off.

"Yeah, I— I'm close Eddie," you stammer, wrapping your legs around him and pulling him deeper inside of you.

Eddie grinds into you, his pubic bone rubbing against your clit repeatedly. Your legs begin to shake as you reach your peak, wave after wave of arousal crashing over you. Pornographic moans flow from you as you ride out your high.

Your cunt tightens, clenching Eddie's cock in a death grip, quickly sending him over the edge. His hand grips yours tightly and the other is resting on your throat squeezing lightly. He comes with a pretty moan, grunting as he twitches and jerks inside of you.

"Fuck, I'm sorry. I meant to pull out," Eddie says as he starts to panic.

You shush him, pressing your finger against his soft lips "It's okay. We'll just get a plan b in the morning okay?"

Eddie nods, visibly relaxing once more. His breath is shaky as he rests his weight gently on top of you, pressing kisses all over your face. Your hands caress his back gently, enjoying the feel of him inside you and the sticky mess you both created. Slowly he pulls out of you, collapsing onto his side. With one arm propped behind his head, he pulls you closer to him, cuddling you close.

Your eyes are hooded and relaxed as you incline into his touch. 'You look so beautiful,' he thinks, rubbing his hand up and down your side. His heart feels full and his stomach feels as if it's twisted in knots. He's nervous, not sure of what to say next. He wants to tell you that he's leaving Chrissy and that he wants to be with you instead. But the peaceful look on your face stops him, his words wither and die on his tongue. He doesn't want to ruin the moment, so he tucks you to his side, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

You let out a sigh of content as you relax in his arms. You fall asleep quickly. You dream of Eddie kissing you as he tells you he loves you. With no hesitation, you tell him that you love him too.

Eddies heart soars when you tell him you love him too. Feeling brave enough to confess while you were asleep, he didn't think you could hear him let alone respond. He kisses your lips once again before falling fast asleep.

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You sat at the lunch table and pushed around the food on your plate with a small smile. After what happened after the party this weekend, you were in better spirits than you had been in a long time. You held back a laugh as you thought of the morning after with Eddie.

Your friend had come over to your house the next day to check up on you and your mom had gotten off early, so they had both arrived at the same time. Thankfully, Eddie hadn't parked directly in front of the house, choosing to park across the street to avoid suspicion if your mom were to arrive.

He scrambled to put on his clothes, giving you a lingering kiss before hauling ass out of the window when the coast was clear. You had just dived back under the covers to hide your nakedness when your best friend waltzed in. With a raised brow she had asked why you were nude. You responded that it was too hot to be bothered with clothes, even though fall was quickly approaching.

She stifled a giggle as she told you that she just wanted to come to check on you after what happened at the party. Word had gotten around pretty quickly about the altercation between Eddie and Billy, with you somehow in the middle of it all. You had given her as much information as you could without letting on exactly what your relationship with Eddie was. The disbelief in her eyes told you that she knew that there was much more than you were letting on. She didn’t pressure you for the truth, only telling you that she was here if you needed her, to which you had given her a hug and a smile.

So here you were, lost in your thoughts, oblivious to your surroundings. Suddenly, it seemed that all sound had ceased within the cafeteria, causing the room to go eerily silent. You raised your head in confusion, only to find Chrissy standing beside you at your table with an unreadable expression on her face. All of the students at the other tables had stopped talking to watch the interaction. It was as if everyone

could sense something was about to happen and were tuned in.

“Um, Hi Chrissy. Did you need something?” you asked politely, confused as to why she was just standing at your table, not saying anything. Anxiety began to fester within you, causing your palms to sweat as your nerves started to get the best of you.

“I don’t think you can Y/n. You see I have this problem, it seems that my boyfriend is fucking someone else! Is that something you think you can help me with?” Chrissy asks you in a condescending tone.

Your throat runs dry at her words as you glance around the room nervously. Your eyes glance over to the Hellfire table only to find Eddie's seat empty. You notice his friend Gareth is staring at you with a concerned look on his face before getting up and running out of the cafeteria.

You look back over to Chrissy, her expression is one of pure hatred as she looks down at you. “Chrissy, can we go talk about this somewhere else,” you plead, conscious of the many eyes now directed at you. Your stomach begins to turn, sick with embarrassment from the scene unfolding before you.

“What’s the matter, you don’t want everyone to know what a slut you are?!” Chrissy yells causing you to jump in your seat.

“Chrissy, please don’t do this,” you choke out, as a sob escapes from you.

“No, fuck you and stay the fuck away from my boyfriend!” she shouts as she slaps you across the face. Your head swivels to the right from the impact and you hold your stinging cheek in shock.

Your friend Clara jumps up from her seat beside you and shoves Chrissy backward. “Back up bitch… I mean it! You made your point, now leave!” she threatens, her eyes raging with fury.

Chrissy looks between you both before turning and walking away with her head held high. Her friend throws a glare at you before turning and following after Chrissy. A symphony of hushed whispers begins to circulate around you. Your entire body is hot with humiliation and guilt. You can feel the blood rushing to your ears, making it hard for you to understand what your friend is saying.

She sees that you're unresponsive and your eyes are unfocused. Her hand grabs yours and pulls you up, throwing an arm around your shoulders in comfort. You both walk out of the cafeteria, heading towards the school's entrance when you see Eddie running down the hallway shoving people out of the way.

He skids to a stop in front of you, resting his hands on his knees from the exertion of running full speed across the school in seconds. "Y/n, what happened? Are you okay? Talk to me please!" he yells out breathlessly.

"Eddie, go talk to your girlfriend and leave Y/n alone. She'll call you when she's ready. If you care about her, then give her that at least." Clara's tone is harsh and leaves no room for any argument. Her only concern is getting you out of this God-forsaken school and to your house in one piece.

Eddie's face is full of emotions, he opens his mouth to protest but one look at your face has him closing it in an instant. Your eyes are watery with unshed tears. The look on your face is unreadable but shakes him to the core enough to agree that you need to get out of here as soon as possible.

He turns to your friend and nods his head, silently agreeing with her. He gives you one last look in hopes that you'll acknowledge his presence. Your face is stoic, still holding the same blank stare as before. He grabs your hand and gives it a quick kiss before Clara has the chance to protest.

"Call me, please Y/n," he whispers into your ear before letting go. Clara takes hold of your hand again, pulling you gently towards the double doors as Eddie watches you walk away.

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You stare blankly at your tv as you lay in your bed. Your mom was currently at work on the graveyard shift, usually something that you hated, but you were eternally grateful for it at the moment. You weren't in the right headspace to deal with questions about why you left school early.

Clara had brought you home a few hours ago and had stayed with you awhile before leaving to go home. You were quiet as she comforted you, promising that everything would be okay. You had managed to hold back your tears, letting them break free once she was gone.

You had cried for hours, wallowing in pity at the situation you had allowed yourself to get involved with. You also cried at the fact that even though you had just gotten into an altercation with Chrissy, Eddie was still at the forefront of your mind.

A soft thump from your window startles you, pulling you from your thoughts. Your mouth opens in a silent scream and your body tenses as you prepare to run like hell. You relax when you see that it's Eddie at your window sill, hanging precariously by the lattice secured against the siding of your house. Within that same breath, you're back on edge again as you make your way over to the window.

"Can I come in Y/n," Eddie pleads. His brown eyes are big and wet as he peers at you from behind the glass.

You sigh in disbelief and let up your window.

"Why are you here, shouldn't you be with Chrissy?" Your tone is cold and bitter as you sit back on your bed hugging your knees to your chest.

He walks over to you slowly lowering down to his knees onto the soft carpet. He cranes his neck in an attempt to meet your lowered gaze. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you Y/n. What Chrissy did today— you didn't deserve that. It should've been me, I'm the one to blame," his words come out choked as he attempts to hold back a sob.

"I tried to stay away. I tried so fucking hard to but I can't! You've got this hold on me and even now after everything that's happened, I don't regret it, not for one second. I'm just sorry for all the hurt I've caused everyone." His head lowers onto the bed beside your feet as sobs began to wrack his frame.

Your forehead is pressed tightly against your knees as tears roll silently down your face onto your thighs. Minutes pass before you finally respond, allowing your hand to blindly seek out his. Your hand finds his soft curls and you stroke them gently. Comforting him and yourself at the same time.

He leans into your touch, turning his face onto the palm of your hand. His lips are soft against your skin as he presses a delicate kiss to your palm.

Your breath hitches "Eddie I— We can't. We've done enough damage already," you whisper.

"I know Y/n, I'm sorry. Can I at least hold you? No funny business I promise." He looks up at you with puppy dog eyes and his lips formed into a small pout.

Your heart twists, wrenching out all of your bad emotions and leaving a warm feeling in its wake. You nod your head and scoot over, making room for him on your bed. You lay down as he quickly shucks off his shoes and jacket, sidling behind you at a respectable distance. He slips an arm around your middle "Is this okay," he whispers.

"Yeah," you respond wearily, the impact of the day finally catching up to you. The sounds from the tv drones on, providing the right amount of noise to distract you from your thoughts. You feel yourself begin to nod in and out as you fight to stay awake.

Eddie lays his hand on yours, rubbing his thumb across your knuckles soothingly as he thought of what happened today. He hated that Chrissy attacked you for something he had initiated. He had tried to break things off with her over the weekend but she wouldn't accept any of his calls. He was foolish enough to believe that he could do it at school but that proved to be harder than he thought. Chrissy had avoided him like the plague that entire day. When lunch came he was behind the school making a sale when Gareth came to tell him what happened. He would never forgive himself for not being there to protect you.

He feels your body relax as you drift off to sleep. His senses are heightened at being so close to you and naturally, his body begins to react but he ignores it completely. Now is not the time and frankly, it may never be again. He just wants to enjoy this moment with you for what it is, happy that he's finally giving you some semblance of peace instead of taking it away. After a while, he too falls asleep with his hand linked tightly to yours.

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You wake up to the sounds of Eddie's light snores. His breath fans across the back of your neck with each exhale leaving goosebumps in its wake. Sometime during sleep, the gap between you had closed and his body was now flush against yours as he cuddled you close to him.

You take a deep breath, allowing yourself to enjoy the feel of his arms wrapped around you. The events of yesterday still linger within you but the sting of hurt and sorrow is less than before. A sense of peace washes over you as you lean back into his touch. The sun is just starting to rise and you guess that you have a few hours before school starts.

"Hmmm," Eddie's deep voice reverberates through you. He pulls you in even closer, kissing the top of your head. "Good morning, sweetheart," he murmurs sleepily, still not fully awake.

"Morning," you reply softly, pressing your face into your pillow. The knowledge of going to school today weighs heavy on your shoulders.

Your sudden movement jostles him awake, and he scoots back from you, putting space between you both once more. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get so close. Sometimes I tend to cuddle in my sleep."

"I kinda figured that out the last time you were here," you smirk. You pause for a moment before continuing "how did you know that? Shit— I'm sorry, you don't have to answer that, it's none of my business."

Eddie clears his throat fully awake now. "Um‐ I might've cuddled Gareth and Jeff by mistake before at a sleepover but let's not talk about that," he says changing the subject hastily.

You let out a laugh that sounds more like a creaky bedspring. Eddie turns your body over to face him, a big smile sits on his face. "There she is," he whispers excitedly taking your hand into his, and giving it a soft squeeze. You squeeze back, giving him a soft smile.

"Are you going to school," he asks tentatively. He hates to ruin the moment but the thought was nagging him incessantly.

Your smile drops from your face immediately turning into a frown. "Yeah, I have a big test today and I can't afford to miss it," you reply.

"Whatever happens today, just know that I'll be there for you. I swear it." Eddie looks at you, his brown eyes are filled with warmth.

You hold his gaze and you can tell that he is being genuine. Nodding your head you exhale shakily, mentally prepping yourself for what's to come. Eddie lifts your hand to his face and stops, hovering near his lips, silently asking you for permission. You nod your head and he kisses each knuckle, lingering on the last. "I love you," he says pressing another kiss into your skin.

Your heart skips a beat and soars at his words before quickly plummeting back down. You can't accept his confession, not like this. Not at someone else's expense. "Eddie I—," you began slowly.

"Shhh, I know baby. You don't have to say it. I'm going to make things right like I should've done a long time ago." He lets out a deep breath before letting go of you to sit up. You instantly miss his warmth and it takes all of your strength not to pull him back down beside you.

"I gotta go and get ready for school. I'll see you there okay?" Eddie says as he kneels to tug on his shoes.

You nod your head once again, too afraid of the emotions threatening to escape if you open your mouth. The look on your face makes his heart twist and he finds himself in front of you, pulling you up into his arms. "I'm sorry if this is too much but you looked like you could really use a hug." Selfishly he holds you close, relishing the feel of your body pressed to his.

Your arms hang limply at your sides and just as he's about to let go and apologize, you wrap your arms around him, squeezing him back just as hard. He sighs, letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding. You hold each other for a moment before letting go. He presses a kiss to your forehead and walks over to your window. "See ya soon," he promises as he lets up the window and climbs down the lattice.

You quickly walk over to your window, watching him as he crosses your lawn to his van. Before getting in, he looks up at your room, giving you a wave when he sees you standing at the window. With a smile, you give him a small wave as he climbs into his van and drives away.

The smile on your face fades once Eddie's gone from your sight. You turn around with a sigh as you start getting ready, the thought of going to school after what happened feels you with a sense of dread. The only thing preventing you from ditching is wanting to maintain your grades and knowing that your best friend and Eddie would be there for support if you needed it. You repeat that fact as it gets closer and closer to the time for you to leave.

¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

Eddie skids into the school parking lot, parking crookedly into a spot just as the first bell rings. Cursing under his breath, he quickly jumps out and runs through the double doors toward his locker. After making the fastest pit stop in history, he makes his way to your locker, bumping and pushing stragglers out of the way. He looks around when he doesn't see you. He had wanted to make sure you were okay first thing this morning, knowing that he wouldn't see you again until lunch.

Letting out a frustrated grunt he kicks one of the lockers, startling a few people standing nearby. "Freak," they mutter and whisper to each other as they walk by hurriedly. He rolls his eyes as he makes his way to class, he's debating on whether he should stop by and peek into your class or not when he bumps into someone causing them to stumble.

"Whoa, sorry about that," he says, the apology dying on his lips as he realizes the person in front of him was none other than Chrissy. "Hey— we need to talk." His tone is dull but sure as he keeps his gaze level with hers.

"Yeah, we should. Look, Eddie— whatever thing you had going on with Y/n, I'm willing to overlook it okay?" She holds her books close to her chest, nervously fiddling with her car keys clutched in her hands.

"I'm sorry Chrissy, I just can't— I can't do this anymore and it has nothing to do with Y/n. Things have been the same with us for a long time and you know it." Eddie replies firmly.

"Eddie, I need you," she yells out tearfully. Her shrill voice echoes down the now empty hallway, the tardy bell rings announcing that they are now late for class.

"I'm sorry Chrissy but it's—" Eddie begins but Chrissy cuts him off before he can finish.

"My dreams, they're back and it's getting worse. I think he's back Eddie and he's going to finally win this time," Chrissy whispers, keeping her eyes trained on the floor.

A bolt of fear shoots through Eddie piercing him through the heart. It couldn't be. No way. They had defeated Vecna and he was gone for good. But what if he wasn't? Then that would mean Chrissy was right and she did need his help. How could he abandon her when he was the only one close to her that understood what she was going through? His thoughts turned to Y/n, you were so close to finally being his and now once again it seemed as if something was keeping you apart.

Fat drops of tears sit at the corners of her eyes threatening to fall. Eddie remains silent, his thoughts running rampant, jumping from one thing to the next. A noise from the other end of the hall catches Chrissy's attention.

She flies into his arms, knocking him backward in surprise. Her arms wrap around him and she clings to him possessively. Too stunned to react, he stands there as she holds him, resting her head on top of his shoulder.

Unbeknownst to him you just walked through the school entrance. You were making your way to your locker, when you stopped in your tracks, shocked by the sight in front of you. You could feel your heart breaking in two as you watched Eddie and Chrissy embrace each other. Your feet began to move you closer as your mind screamed for you to leave and go back home to the comfort of your bed. As you get closer, you notice that Chrissy is staring directly at you with an eerie wicked grin on her face.

The look is ominous, making you gasp in shock at the sight. You'd never known she could look so evil, aside from yesterday she always had a smile on her face.

The sound you make catches Eddie's attention and his head turns your way, eyes locking with yours. His face is pale with what looks like fear and his eyes are dull. For a moment you want nothing more than to comfort him and tell him that everything will be okay but in a flash, it's gone. All you can feel is hurt and betrayal at his broken promise.

You keep your head high and walk past them toward your class. You don't dare turn back, not even when you hear Eddie's pained voice calling out for you. Not even when the tears start falling once again.

Taglist: @bibieddiesgf @tlclick73 @seventhlevelofhell @emmysuebull22 @adequate-superstar @vintagehellfire @sidthedollface2 @blue-eyed-lion @hazydespair @fly-on-the-wall @nicolaj1978

#eddie munson #stranger things #eddie x reader #eddie stranger things #stranger things smut #eddie angst #eddie munson angst #eddie munson smut #eddie my beloved #eddie smut #eddie x chrissy #eddie munson x reader smut #eddie munson hurt/comfort #eddie munson x y/n #stranger things x y/n #eddie x y/n #eddie x fem!reader #eddie x you #stranger things fluff

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sungbeam · 1 year

Text

[𝟏𝟎:𝟓𝟕𝐏𝐌] — lee hyunjae x gn!reader

0.6k words, idol/pre-debut au, comfort, i think it's soft 😃, hj and reader are bffs (u can interpret it however u want tho)

a/n: requests now closed! also, i think the last time i purposely wrote something under 1k for tbz was ,,, a jacob thing?? wow that was so long ago 😭

"You're coming to the debut show, right?"

The question cracked the silence between you and Lee Hyunjae. There was a gentle breeze where the two of you sat on the stairs outside the mall doors, overlooking the Han River. Your breaths came out in visible puffs in front of your faces—the smoke of dragons, he liked to joke. The two of you were out here in the depth of autumn, bordering on winter. You were lucky it was too early for snow.

He scooted closer to you. "Yn?" He asked, voice quieter.

Your eyelids fluttered. "Hm? Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I be?" The two of you were classmates at South Korea's well-known Hanlim Arts High School, clinging to each other through years of schooling and training. But while Hyunjae was on the cusp of debuting into the glamorous world of the Korean music industry, you were about to embark on your own audition journey.

"I just wanted to make sure," he replied quietly. He tentatively looped his arm with yours, and when he tucked his head into your shoulder, you shifted slightly to accommodate him. Together, you could both generate a little more body heat. "Couldn't have done this without you."

Your heart palpitated in your chest. You patted his arm gently, turning your head downward to feel the fluff of his hair. "Not you being sentimental now, Jaehyun," you teased. "You could've totally done this, even without me. Give yourself some credit."

The two of you were quiet again. It was late, but this moment had been a rare sliver of time the two of you could be around each other. All of his preparations for debut soaked up his time, not to mention the jobs he was working, and your own occupations. You had dropped everything when he asked to meet you at your "spot" by the river.

Your eyes focused on a glowing orb of light on the opposite shore of the Han. "Are you scared?"

Hyunjae didn't reply for a moment. "What if we don't make it?"

There was a loud pang in your chest—you felt for him. Even though you were still undergoing your own audition process, you feared the unfathomable intimidation of failure. "You will make it," you assured him, cheek pressed against the top of his head. "I believe in you, like I always have. And your mom believes in you, and Jieun believes in you…"

"Thanks," he murmured. A small smile curled onto his face and he squeezed your arm a little.

"You're not gonna forget me, are you?" You laughed quietly. "After you become famous and successful?"

"Are you kidding?" You met his grin as he pulled his head out from your shoulder. His smile reached his eyes and turned them into beautiful, upturned crescents. Eyebags hung beneath them, but no one could weigh that happiness down. You memorized the curves and edges of this expression, even if you could already draw him with your eyes closed. "You're—you're my best friend, man. How could I forget you?"

You punched his shoulder. "I'm just making sure." You didn't want to confront your insecurity out loud, but he could see it in your eyes.

His smile softened, eyes melting like molten chocolate. He poked your cheek. "Hey… you feel like home to me. I'll always wanna come home, at the end of the day."

His words made your lip wobble and you knew he could see the lights across the river reflect in your eyes. "Don't cry; you're gonna make me cry," he chuckled, grabbing your shoulder and hauling you to him.

You buried yourself in the cold surface of his winter jacket. "I've never seen you cry."

"There's always a first for everything," he sang. He gave your back a little pat. His touch and embrace were fond; he'd always been so fond of you. "We're gonna be okay."

You found yourself nodding. "Yeah," you smiled, closing your eyes to bask in this moment. Who knew when the next time the two of you could hang out like this was? "We're gonna be okay."

a/n: okay, ik no one in this fandom cares to read the non-specifically-romantic plots, but i want a hyunjae bff hug 😭🤧

tbz m.list

permanent taglist: @flwoie @vatterie @seomisaho @hqrana @ja4hyvn @tinkerbell460 @kaaimins @hyunjaespresent-deobi @otterly-fey @zzoguri @floatingpluto @winterchimez @ethereal-engene @gyulfriend @polarisjisung @jaehunnyy @shakalakaboomboo @loveliestfelix @bless-311 @zhaixiaowen @leaz-kpop-life @amourdsr @pxppxrminty @kqyutie @sseastar-main @kxthleen14 @fluorescentloves @mosviqu @justalildumpling @jaerisdiction @super-btstrash-posts @jundundun @http-gyu @mvvnsseul @outrologist @vernonburger @maessseongs @kflixnet @ericlvr

#kflixnet #deoboyznet #bjnet #the boyz x reader #lee hyunjae x reader #hyunjae x reader #the boyz drabbles #the boyz imagines #the boyz timestamps #the boyz oneshot #the boyz scenarios #hyunjae drabbles #hyunjae imagines #hyunjae scenarios #hyunjae oneshots #hyunjae timestamps

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bitchsister · 5 months

Note

UHHHHMMMM YEAAAA SOOO U R NOT GONNA TELL ME LUCKYCHARMS CURT WENT THROUGH A CASUAL BY CHAPPELL ROAN PHASE WITH BUCKY AND EXPECT ME NOT TO DEMAND ANSWERS ABOUT THAT

Alright anon…. Fine

I’m totally working out of order with my requests but i promise, I’m chugging along!!

Shoutout to Crosby for being a good roommate and bestie!

This kinda hurt my heart!!!!! :)

Also Alex I know this was u that asked this. Coward

Six months — Curt felt sick with it. He’d check his phone religiously, hoping a new text would arrive from Bucky and when it wouldn’t, his mood would reflect just that.

He’d start fights at the skate park for no real reason, even swung his cue stick at an annoying forty-something who couldn’t find anything better to do than judge of game of pool between a group of drunken college kids who were only there to have fun.

He was then banned from the only bar within walking distance with a pool table.

He laid in his dorm room, staring at the bottom of Crosby’s bunk as he contemplated sending the text.

We need to talk

Delete, delete.

Can we talk?

Delete.

“Just send it.” Crosby rolled his eyes dramatically, hopping up into his bed and draping himself over the side to watch him type another text out and delete it. “You’re both adults. Dude’s acting like a fucking child.”

Curt sighed heavily, switching the cheek in which he sucked on his lollipop. “He’s a lawyer, Harry.” He rationed, though he knew it wasn’t a decent excuse for not hearing from him for six days. “He’s just busy, m’sure.”

The last time they were together, Curt spent the whole weekend and everything was so devastatingly romantic in a way he wouldn’t expect the same person that cooked him dinner, laid Curtis down and massaged his entire body, sat with him in an obnoxiously large bathtub with champagne, to go ghost for almost an entire week.

“He’s playing the field, Biddy.” Crosby stayed where he was, hanging upside down over their bunks to watch Curt type out yet another text. “Better to get this over with now rather than later.” He’d done his fair share of back and forths. “Situationship with a man ten years your senior?” He huffed. “It’ll put you in the ward — take it from me.”

He slung himself back into his own bed, yawning loudly before he continued. “Send it. Tell him what you want out of this.” He flicked the little lamp clipped to his headboard on, a book cracked open in his lap. “Or suffer in silence, ‘cause I can’t do this shit with you anymore.”

Curt nodded slowly, having no true rebuttal as he knew full well Harry was making decent points.

“Full send.” He mumbled, thumb smashing the little blue send button, his phone tossed up to Harry into his bunk. “I ain’t lookin’. Just tell me if he responds.” He hugged his folded arms over his eyes, a loud sigh deflating him.

Five minutes passed by but to Curt it had felt like an eternity.

“Damn,” Harry opened Curt’s phone, his passcode memorized from all the times he’d hijacked Curt’s Uber account to order them rides from the bars or to drain all of his credits on his TouchTunes. “Probably waiting by the phone like you were, Biddy.”

Curt peeked from behind his arms, his voice muffled. “What’d he say?”

“He said —“ Crosby turned on his side, squinting at the screen that was spiderwebbed with cracks. “I can pick you up. Question mark.”

Another groan rolled out of him as he sat up, his hands covered in the sleeves of his sweatshirt scrubbed over his face. “Say yes. Say — uh, say yes, I’d like that, or somethin’.”

He scrambled to yank his clothes off, scuttling around to find another outfit.

“Ah, no.” Crosby laughed as he shook his head, typing out a simple and to the point ‘Ok’ and hitting send. “Let’s remember who ghosted you for a week, please. Right now, you like nothing he does.” His gaze landed on Curt who stared up at him. “Okay?”

“Okay.”

Bucky pulled up outside of the south hall where Curt climbed into his car and picked at the cuts on his knuckles. “Hey.” He said simply, looking over at Bucky who looked exhausted but still just as beautiful, his hand reached over to rest over Curt’s left thigh.

“Hey.”

Their spot wasn’t far from campus - only about a two minute drive away was an overlook near the river where Bucky put his car into park, his body turning toward Curt to really look at him. “What’s up?” He asked, biting back a yawn. “Thought you’d be getting to bed by now.”

Curt shook his head slowly, his fingertips tracing the veins in Bucky’s hand. “I couldn’t sleep.” I’ve missed you for a whole week. “Thinkin’ about you.”

If it wasn’t so dark, Curt would have seen Bucky’s cheeks and how they’d been painted all rosy. “That right?” He hooked his hand around Curt’s and pulled him into his lap. “What about me?”

Curt felt Bucky’s hands slide beneath his shirt, palms pressed to the soft and warm skin there. He couldn’t speak, couldn’t lay his heart out on the line like that so instead he kissed his lips, fingers threaded through his sleepy waves that had been in bed already, his poor brain completely obliterated by the workday.

“Oh,” Bucky whispered, “missed that.”

Then why haven’t you spoken to me?

Where have you been?

Why did you go ghost for almost an entire week?

Curt bit his tongue, too high on getting what he’s daydreamed about since the last time he felt it to sour the moment by demanding answers.

It’d dawned on Bucky rather quickly that the way Curtis tasted would stay with him for ages.

Sweet, artificial cherry where in the background somewhere a joint smoked on the sidewalk as he waited for Bucky to pick him up left its mark.

Days would pass, and Bucky could still taste him.

Curtis lingered. He made an impression, slathered over the brains of anyone he crossed paths with.

Loud, little, an electric shock to the system.

Bucky licked into his mouth, sucked on his tongue, chased the taste of him into the back of his own throat. He behaved as if he wanted to devour him. Like he’d been starved just as badly as Curtis had been.

So, why hadn’t he just said something?

Why didn’t he ask to see him?

Why, why, why?

A surge of adrenaline had woken Bucky up, his hands guiding Curt to lie his belly over the center console, his ass in Bucky’s face as Curt giggled. “Said you wanted to talk,” he whispered, pulling the elastic waistband of Curt’s sweatpants below the supple curve of his ass. “Or did you just want this?”

Curt groaned softly into the leather seat he hid his face in, his thighs spread apart as Bucky got into position between them, his tongue licking big, fat stripes over Curt’s hole that missed him so desperately.

No one, absolutely no one did it for him the way Bucky did.

His hands, his lips, his hair, his mustache that Crosby said was so Dilfy. His teeth, his eyes, his voice and the way he called Curt baby once after a bottle of wine.

He held onto it.

He replayed it over and over in his mind.

Ride that cock, baby.

Baby.

Oh, please, can I be your baby?

“I told you,” Curt whispered softly through a moan once Bucky really began to eat him up, his thighs shaking as he rut his ass into Bucky’s face. “I missed you so much.”

Barely there, hardly audible above the obscene sounds Bucky’s mouth had been making.

A loud crack of skin pierced his eardrums, his left asscheek stinging once Bucky had pulled away and spread him just to get a look and soak him all up. “You’re just perfect,” what are you doing with someone like me? “Let me take you home with me.” His voice was rough and yet so gentle when he pulled Curt back into his lap.

Face to face again.

“I got class in the morning.”

“I’ll drop you off.”

Curt cupped Bucky’s cheeks, nodding slowly as he huffed to catch his breath. “I can’t skip.” He shuffled back into the passenger seat, his sweatpants throw into the back with his underwear, his big sweater long enough to cover him if need be. “Need this final to pass.”

Bucky had thrown it into drive faster than ever, trying his best not to become too distracted by Curtis who leaned against the passenger side door and faced Bucky as he drove, his thighs lifted and his toes curled as he fucked himself with his fingers.

“Fuck.” I’m so in love with you. “You’re filthy.” You’re too good for me.

“You want me, don’t you?” Curt shivered with another moan that ripped right through him. “Want me so fucking bad. Look at you.” He extended his leg to toe over the bulge in Bucky’s own sweatpants, his favorite ones for sleeping, not for concealing a hard-on.

Bucky stayed silent, his lip between his teeth as he drove.

“Don’t you.” Curt urged, the sole of his foot pressed against Bucky’s erection.

“Mhmm.”

Not good enough.

“Then why ain’t you talked to me for a week?” Curt was stroking himself instead, saving the fucking for Bucky.

This isn’t how he expected to ask, but some sort of confidence had taken over.

“I - I was just busy.” Bucky turned to look at Curt, his brows furrowed as he wondered how they’d so quickly ended up here. “Work, Curt.”

“You couldn’t send me a single text?”

Bucky swallowed the lump in his throat, staring at the red light that taunted him. “I — it doesn’t mean I don’t wanna see you..”

“Then why haven’t you?”

“I told you. Work.”

Curt scrambled to his knees, leaned over the console but this time it was to get closer to Bucky’s face with his own. “Try again.” His sights narrowed and his lips tugged into an annoyed grimace. “Why haven’t you?”

Bucky sat silent for awhile, driving idly as they caught every red light under the sun. “Listen — I —“ he blinked a few times, trying to arrange his thoughts “What do you want out of this, Curt?”

Caught off guard, Curtis slowly backed away from Bucky and sat on his folded legs in the passenger seat, his expression morphing from everything to nothing. “What do I want out of this?”

“Yeah, I - I mean—“ Bucky stuttered. “What do you want out of this? Out of us? Do you see this going anywhere?”

Curt was unsure how to answer that, absolutely certain that what he said next could make or break everything but he didn’t quite care.

Was Bucky who he thought he was?

Why’d he bring Curt to his home, make him dinner and eat him out like he was dessert the first night they met if there wasn’t something between them?

“These things, Curt. They get easier with age, you know..”

He wanted to throw up.

In fact, he was certain he would.

He scrambled to pull his sweatpants back on, scrapping his underwear in Bucky’s backseat. “Fuck this.” He grumbled, tugging his shoes on that were thankfully already tied. “And fuck you.”

{ending this here. Curt definitely gets out and walks back to campus but Bucky follows him all the way back and begs for him to come back and talk. Curt absolutely does not}

#💌#at least their situationship is successful eventually #the drama #curtbucky #lcau

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marc--chilton · 23 days

Text

(mgv) it is very easy to incorrectly assume that giselle doesn't care outside of herself, particularly when she's small. kids are jerks sometimes, they think they're the only person to matter, that's just how it is and even house accepted that his kid's probably gonna get some asshole behavior from him anyway and doesn't make excuses for her. "of course she's selfish, she's three." etc

and it's not like she's particularly expressive. her default expression is analytical, she's utterly content by herself with a modest little assortment of toys she decides are Today's Toys while the rest are ignored + her little whiteboard that never leaves her side when in the diagnostics office.

then there's a bad pain day. house is at his desk, craving vicodin that he's starting to think he may always struggle with (he's an addict, obviously. but now that he has a pup, he's starting to reassess his stance on him having a problem, too) and giselle is sat at his feet, leaning against his good leg. he pages kutner to collect her -- thirteen and chase are busy doing their jobs and wilson is in a meeting -- and make him play funny babysitter so his kid doesn't have to watch one of her parents deteriorate waiting for his not-good-enough drugs to kick in.

but when kutner reaches for her, she bites him. not a corrective nip like she has before but an actual growl and bite. it's more startling than anything. and while kutner and house are both reeling, giselle scrambles to sit securely between house's legs, back straight, her little baby growls as steadfast as she can manage it, and dark eyes narrowed up at kutner in challenge. he figures out what's up with the sudden behavioral change before house does, mostly because the pain is making it hard for him to think so all he was really doing was blinking down at her in abject wonder anyway.

"i think she's...... trying to protect you."

on instinct, house trills down at her as if to ask if that's true or not, but giselle has tuned them out. now he can see, though, that in moving, she's put herself between kutner and house's bad leg. it throws his hindbrain off, too, since... he's the parent. he's supposed to protect her, not the other way around. not like he can hide the fact that he's very much physically disabled and is constantly in pain, but still he feels like he's failed her if he inspires her instincts enough to put herself in theoretical danger for him.

and kutner proves once again to be smarter than house gives him credit for, because he goes on. "that's not really a bad thing. she loves you and is still too young to realize she's not invincible so if she sees you're having a hard time, it's totally reasonable for her to fend off any perceived threat. like someone outside of the realm of 'family' or 'pack'."

"what were you doing when i paged you?" house asks after letting that perspective Sink In for a second.

"clinic duty?"

"yeah, go back to doing that."

"you sure? 'cuz i don't mind the biting, she didn't even break the skin--"

"go."

one of the hands house had been using to grasp at his thigh starts combing through giselle's curls, idly noting in the back of his mind that she's due for a trim soon. she relaxes a bit, back to silence now that kutner's gone again. he pretends the tears trying to roll down his cheeks are of relief now that his leg pain miraculously dampens to a manageable level. "protect me, huh?" she doesn't respond, only leans into his hand like a cat. "you... really are your abba's daughter, aren't you?"

#mgv #house mgv #having giselle feelings today. aouuguhhh lil Baybee #house never accounted for like. unconditional love #he's so used to conditional that he fails to consider the depth of unconditional love even #(he has a hard time even pulling from what he gathers from his mom bc of her passiveness ->#wrt john's abuse. she's told him she loves him and vice versa but her all but forcing him to ->#give a eulogy for the man who abused him for all his childhood and then some... ->#he couldn't imagine putting himself and giselle in that same place. yes i'm salty about birthmarks okay)

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kyberblade · 1 year

Text

Back To You (Din x Reader) - Part 18

A/N: I banged this out in about a week, folks. It just flowed. I honestly did not expect it to be this long, but as the rest of this series has gone, I had an idea, sat down, and like 85,000 other things happened, too. We have so much going on, action, adventure, romance, drama, Mayfeld…. ✨ This was so fun to write, you have no idea. Based on a poll, the people have spoken. One massive chapter. (Aka: Back by popular demand: my Din Rot. 🧟‍♀️) Our poor reader is going through it, folks. Through. It. But we see here there’s always light at the end of the tunnel, if only we’re willing to take a look around and find it. (And having a shiny Mandalorian to point it out helps.) 😌 (Also, once again, there is some lore in this that @writerlyhabits wrote in a fantastic short, and I loved it so much, I asked if I could use it.)

(This takes place right where the other one left off and goes to the end of episode 2x7/15, The Believer.)

I do not own Star Wars or it’s characters. Sadly. But I carry them in my heart. Does that count for something? My soul says yes.

Warnings: Tooth rotting fluff, Grogu being the cutest thing you ever did see, * and Din is once again a warning in and of himself in this one. Typical show violence. Swearing. Space swearing. Grogu is a menace. * * (I’ll remove these warnings when hell has frozen over bc idk what you’re talking about, Grogu is perfectly safe and totally not with Gideon right now, what do you mean? 😬) Arguing? Mando’a. Show dialogue, so spoilers? (But if you’re here, you know how this works.) Lots of angst. Tears.

Word count: 23,774 (I said what I said. We are IN IT. BOOM.)

As always, thanks to @grippingbeskar for encouraging me, looking over this for me, and being the one to introduce me to Din fanfiction in the first place, getting me hooked. You are fantastic and I always love our chats.

And for @fordo-kixed-rex, you deserve so much more than a shoutout for reading all 75 million iterations of this massive chapter from start to finish, and helping me in between. You’re a real one, friend. This series would not have gotten this far without you.

Also thanks @what-the-heckin-heck for helping me try to find a place to break this into two parts, and @littlemissmanga for reading over part of it for me! And @deceiver-of-gods for helping me with the Mando’a!

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Xxx

“And then you’ll need to-”

“I’ve got it, I’ve got it,” Cara cut Din off, ignoring his huff of annoyance. “I have a little more going on up here than you give me credit for, shiny.” Gesturing to her head with a grin, she just continued to stare at Din as he met her gaze in silence, the two trading an unspoken vow.

Finally Cara turned to you. “You, however, need to come with me.”

“What?”

“I need muscle.”

“Then send him.” You pointed at Din. “Guy sees me being the strong arm he’s just going to laugh.”

“You have no idea how scary you can be, do you?” Cara mused. You cocked a brow. “Just ask him.” She tilted her head toward Din.

You scoffed. “That doesn’t count.”

“No?”

“No! We’re a clan, family, togeth-” you cleared your throat. “He is just afraid of me on instinct now.”

Despite clearly being something, there hadn’t been time for you and Din to sit down and have any sort of discussion about what exactly you were to each other. You didn’t want to assume, but it seemed pretty clear where things were left. Regardless, saying it openly in front of other people before saying it in front of the person who needed to hear it first seemed in poor taste, so when you stumbled over ‘together’ and caught Din’s amused head tilt, you rolled your eyes.

“Mesh’la, the reason Gideon still has a bounty on you isn’t because of your connection to me, although I’m sure it doesn’t help. It’s because he’s afraid of you.”

“Why would he be afraid of me?”

“Oh, maybe because every time hunters get close, they get dead.”

You simply blinked at Din for a moment before your eyes darted back over to Cara, flitting between the two as you began to protest again. “No, he’s-”

Cara leveled you with a look.

Looking to the side, glaring at nothing in particular, you groaned. “Okay, fine. I’ll go.” You turned your glower on Cara. “Just stop with this whole judgyness thing.”

She got to her feet with a smirk. “Only if you two stop with the whole, ‘I��m an idiot’ thing.”

Din stopped you at the top of the ramp down onto the planet, piles of scrap as far as you could see. The giant creature-like machines similar to what had lifted the Crest out of the water on Trask lifting junk high overhead. The memory of those days made you smile sadly before turning your attention to Din. “If he tries anything….”

You scoffed. “Cara’s right there, Din. And you’re here. I’ll be fine.”

He huffed. “No. I was gonna say, punch him. Drop him. I don’t care. Don’t kill him, but….” You chuckled softly. “Whatever he tries, you do it first.”

“Do it first, but don’t kill him. Got it.” You nodded once. “But what if he tries to kill me?”

Din sighed. “Make it hurt. I’ll make him regret it after he wakes up.”

A mischievous grin turned up the side of your face, Din’s helmet tilting to the side playfully. “I can get on board with that.”

Following Cara down the ramp, Din went back into the ship.

“You’ll have to remove your weapons,” a guard droid buzzed monotonously.

“That’s not likely to happen,” you said lowly, a quiet laugh painting your tone.

“You’ll have to remove your weapons,” it repeated. “Prisoners could grab them and start a riot.”

“You have a weapon,” you pointed out, gesturing to its baton.

“Per code seventy five, sub section two, paragraph three of the New Republic’s prison charter, I am-”

“She’s a Mandalorian. Weapons are part of her religion.” Din’s modulated voice behind you caught you off guard.

She’s a Mandalorian. She’s a Mandalorian. She’s a Mandalorian. She’s a Mandalorian. She’s a Mandalorian.

It echoed in your head as everything else seemed to stop. Were you really? Did Din really mean that? Or was he just saying that to try and get you out of a sticky situation?

No. No, he didn’t throw around mention of the Creed lightly. It was sacred to him. Special. The code by which he lived his life and how he’d grown up. He wouldn’t just throw that around for the sake of a droid.

Glancing over at him, it was as if he could read your mind, and you supposed it must have been clearly written all over your face, because he gave you a single nod that you understood. You’d seen it a million times before. Learning to read the man under the beskar had been priority number one since coming onto the Crest…. Oh, who were you kidding. Since the day he walked into your bar.

He called you Mandalorian.

The droid’s head swiveled his direction. “That is not part of code seventy five, sub section two, paragraph three of the New Republic’s prison charter. In fact, I do not know of any rule that-”

“It’s fine, Mando.” Walking up the ramp toward him, you unfastened your belt, handing it to him. “Rules are rules.” Slipping your blaster with the mudhorn on it out of the holster slyly, you winked at him. “Keep these safe for me.” Turning back toward Cara and the droid, making sure to keep the blaster behind your back and out of sight, you tucked it into the back of your pants quickly, adjusting your top to cover it as you went back down the ramp. “Let’s go.”

Cara glanced at your belt dangling in Din’s hand, the smallest smile twitching up her cheek before her face fell flat again. She turned, beginning down the aisle between piles of junk, and you stayed a few paces behind her as she followed after the guard droid. Her face was pulled into a serious, no nonsense expression you tried to adopt yourself, but a smirk kept trying to tug one side of your mouth a little further north.

Creatures from all different species turned to watch as your little group passed by, eyes following as you turned corner after corner. They all had ankle binders on one ankle with blinking lights that reminded you of the tracker on the Crest. Your mind started to spiral for a moment, but you quickly steeled yourself against that thought. Before you could fully switch it off, though, a small pile of junk tumbled down off a nearby heap, creating a small landslide and sending a group of prisoners scrambling away.

The guard droid ambled over to investigate with a few others, all of them trying to corral the prisoners back to their stations, when Cara slid up next to you.

“That you?” She mumbled lowly next to your ear as she pretended to survey the pile of junk behind you.

“What do you mean?”

The look she leveled on you was highly amused but told you you shouldn’t be.

“We’ve all seen it the last few days. You’re hurting.”

Breath stuck in your chest, you looked back over at the scrambling guard droids as they waved their electric batons at some unruly prisoners. Blinking away the sudden wave of tears, you listened to Cara go on. I’m so sick of crying.

“It’s okay.” She lightly set a hand on the top of your shoulder, removing it just as fast. “You-”

“We’ll get him back, I know, I know, everyone keeps saying that.”

She let out a huff, pulling your attention back to her as she smiled softly. “I was going to say you lost someone. I know a little something about that.”

Your eyes zeroed in on the teardrop tattoo on her cheek, something in your gut dropping low at the realization. “Cara, I’m sorry-”

She held up a hand for you to stop, but you didn’t.

“No, here I am moaning about losing one person and you lost your whole planet, I-”

“Loss is loss,” she said softly. “The quantity doesn’t matter. It’s the quality.” Her head tilted affectionately when you sniffled quietly. “One little green magic baby is worth every bit as much as my home world. Especially your little green magic baby.” She held your gaze. “His soul is one of the purest things I’ve ever seen. So bright, and full of joy. And good.” Cara let her hand stay on your shoulder this time. “While yes, that’s something he has naturally, it’s also something that has to be nourished, and it started with just him and Mando, but then you came along….” She smiled. “You came along and he flourished.”

Her eyes looked over your shoulder, the approaching footsteps of the guard droid making your spine go rigid. “But shutting yourself off, letting whatever is inside your head that caused that,” she nodded towards the pile that had shifted in your distraction, “take root…. Don’t let it win. You’re stronger than that.”

“I don’t think that I am,” you mumbled so softly you barely heard yourself.

“I know that you are.”

The guard droid walked past the two of you and kept going, Cara pulling you along as she fell into step behind the droid. Stopping a few yards later in front of a pile of scrap and a lone prisoner sending sparks flying with some tool you didn’t recognize, the droid called them down, and you realized this was who you were here for.

Standing off to the side, one hand on your hip, ready to slide back to your blaster if necessary, you watched the exchange between Cara, the droid and who you supposed was Mayfeld. His eyes pulled over to you once or twice, something sparking in his expression as he looked at you from head to toe before quickly turning back to the droid as it threatened him with the electrified baton.

You let them continue to do all the talking as you hovered a few paces back. This was Mayfeld? He didn’t seem like much. Sidling up beside the guard droid, you tried to look intimidating, like the bouncers back on Coruscant in the higher end bars on the upper levels. Turns out you didn’t have to try very hard, one quick look at your vambraces and your hand hand drifting toward the blaster tucked into the back of your pants as you arched your brow, and he folded easily, following after Cara.

Mayfeld stumbled slightly, but you didn’t believe it for a moment, especially when he suddenly was just fine when you were a mere few steps away. “So you’re here as muscle, huh?”

“Something else I should be here as?”

He grinned slyly. “Well, I could think of a thing or two if I really put my mind to it….” Turning around the last pile of scrap, Mayfeld pulled up short when he saw Boba standing at the bottom of the ramp. “Oh.” He truly looked terrified. “You know, for a second,” he mumbled, “I thought you were this other guy.”

The guard droid turned to leave just as Din started down the ramp, emerging from inside the ship like a shadow.

Mayfeld sucked in a breath, the grin melting off his face in record time and his entire body going rigid at the sight.

As you walked past him you mumbled, “I’ll bet you thought it was him.”

Mayfeld scoffed in disbelief, watching you walk past as you smirked, passing Din at the bottom of the ramp and continuing up till the top where you leaned in the opening, arms crossed over your chest and ankles crossed leisurely.

“Mayfeld,” Din said easily.

“Hey, Mando,” the man dragged out the words with nerves. “Long time.” He chuckled nervously over the words, glancing at the other members of the party. “So what, you came here to kill me?”

Cara’s jaw ticked. “All you need to know is I bent a lot of rules to bring you along.”

Mayfeld held his ground, much to your surprise, and you watched his spine straighten under Cara’s distrustful gaze as you let your head thump back against the ship softly. “Why am I so lucky?”

She leaned toward him slightly. “Because you’re Imperial.”

Shaking his head, he took a step back, inclining his head incredulously. “Hey, that was a long time ago, all right?”

“But you still know your Imperial clearances and protocols, don’t you?” Din closed the distance between them slowly, his voice low, almost threatening.

Mayfeld looked back at the scrap yard over his shoulder almost longingly before looking back at the ship with a sigh as everyone walked up the ramp.

“I’d take the deal if I were you.”

His eyes snapped to you. “Yeah?”

You nodded.

“Isn’t that just what someone setting a trap would want me to think, though?” He grinned slightly, looking more at ease. He was toeing the line between the bottom of the ramp and the grimy soil of the junkyard planet, looking up at you where you still stood at the top.

You watched him shift his weight for a moment before trying your best behind the bar smile you hadn’t had to use in months. It put people at ease and got you the best tips. And it seemed to work like a charm yet again as Mayfeld took an easy step closer. “Do you have any other options?”

Din walked around the corner carrying your belt still laden with weapons just then. “Mesh’la, you’re going to want this back.” He didn’t spare Mayfeld even a glance, but you knew this was purely for his benefit, and it made an amused smile tug at the corner of your lips, taking over any attempt at putting him at ease.

“Thank you,” you murmured, taking it from him with one hand, and untucking the blaster from your waistband with the other. “Hold this for a second?” He nodded, taking the blaster from you while you reattached the belt around your waist where it belonged. You felt in balance again, more whole with the weights at your sides, the mudhorns adorning your hips. But not complete. No, so long as the kid was missing, so would be a part of you.

Looking back up at Mayfeld, you jerked your head toward the ship. “You coming?”

His eyes danced over each weapon hanging from your belt, his throat bobbing as he swallowed in trepidation. “Now I see why you were the muscle.”

Din chuckled softly as he finally turned to acknowledge the other man again. “You haven’t seen anything yet.”

Xxx

Din spun in his chair at a small console on the large deck of Boba’s ship to face your small party of five, Cara sitting across from Mayfeld and Fennec, you across from Din, and Boba up in the cockpit made it six. “We need coordinates for Moff Gideon’s cruiser.”

“Moff Gideon?” Mayfeld’s eyes went wide. “Yeah, forget it. Just take me back to the scrapyard. I’m not doin’ that.” He scoffed, slumping back in his chair with his arms crossed. You studied him. He truly seemed afraid. As he should be. Gideon was a formidable foe. But for all you’d heard of the elusive Mayfeld, the man retreating into himself before you was not what you expected.

“They have his kid.” Cara’s voice was soft, her gaze holding Mayfeld’s without even blinking.

The man hesitated before he spoke in a matching small voice, “The little green guy?”

Cara’s lips twitched up slightly. “Yeah, ‘The little green guy’.”

“Grogu.” Mayfeld looked over at you with an arched brow. “His name is Grogu.”

He turned to Din. “You pick that out?” His tone was dry, but his features were pulled tight in amusement he was trying to conceal.

The Mandalorian sighed. “No.”

You rolled your eyes. “A Jedi spoke to him in his mind and then told us.”

Mayfeld blinked rapidly as he stared at you for a long moment. “I’m sorry what?”

“A Jedi-”

“No, yeah, I got it,” he waved his hand at you, staring down at his feet. “But wait, why did the Jedi tell both of you? Why were you there?” His eyes narrowed as they flicked over your face. “You his bodyguard or somethin’?”

You couldn’t help the smirk tugging at the side of your mouth. “Or somethin’.”

Staring at you for another long moment, Mayfeld finally shook his head and turned back to Cara. “So…. I help you guys get him back, you guys let me go?”

“That’s not how this works.” She didn’t even hardly let him finish before she answered.

He scoffed lightly, narrowing his brows at her. “Well, then what’s in it for me?”

“You get a better view.”

Fennec gave him a sympathetic look before glancing your way. Understanding was written all over her face. What was her story? She quickly pulled her eyes over to Din, then the floor, schooling her features back to something neutral. Then she lifted her gaze back to Cara.

Mayfeld had simply stared at Cara the whole time after Fennec had broken eye contact with him. “All right, but here’s the thing. I can’t get those coordinates unless I have access to an internal Imperial terminal.” Oh great. This is over before it’s started. How are we- “I believe there’s one on Morak.”

Din went stiff. “Morak? There’s nothing on Morak.”

Mayfeld sighed, talking quickly. “It’s a secret Imperial mining hub, okay?” He looked down at nothing in particular, his voice lowering. “If you can get me in there, I can get you the coordinates.”

After a loaded moment of consideration, Din turned to the console and pushed a button. “Fett, punch in the coordinates to Morak.”

Boba’s voice filled the ship. “Copy that.”

You watched them all exchange ideas as you sat perched in a seat, crate in front of you strewn with blaster parts. Scrubbing at the trigger mechanism for an unneeded fifth time, you looked down to see it sparkle in the low light of the interior of Boba’s ship.

Din kept glancing at you from his spot across the way, he thought he was covert, but a man in brilliant shining armor can only do so much.

I’m fine, you mouthed the next time he looked over, snorting softly in laughter when he straightened in his seat at being caught.

He began signing to you in Tusken, the other members of the party looking on in confusion, but he didn’t seem to care a bit.

“That’s the fifth time you’ve cleaned that blaster in an hour. Any cleaner and you could cook with it.”

You rolled your eyes, setting the parts down to sign back, “Maybe that’s what I’m going for.” Your hands immediately began to cramp as they no longer held the same position, anything other than clutching at parts suddenly felt unnatural, and you glared at Din. “You did this on purpose.”

He shrugged. “Got you to take a break, didn’t I?”

“I don’t need a break….” You grumbled, picking up the cloth you’d been using to scrub the parts with, tugging at a stray fiber coming loose. “I need to…. To….”

“To what?” He encouraged softly.

“Do something!” You almost yelled. Looking around at the party wide eyed, you slumped back in your chair, lowering your voice. “Sorry. Sorry, everyone. I just…. I don’t do this whole waiting thing well. I…. Kriff. Sorry.” You turned back to your blaster, in as many pieces as you felt. “Just go on, I won’t do it again, I promise.”

After a painful moment of silence, Mayfeld quietly cleared his throat. “I do the same thing. I could probably disassemble and reassemble my blaster with my eyes closed at one point.” You looked up to meet his eyes, still fiddling absently with parts, and saw nothing but sincerity.

You shrugged. “I used to tend bar back on Coruscant, so I stayed pretty busy. I’m not used to so much downtime.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Mayfeld held up a hand. “You…. I thought you looked familiar!”

Narrowing your eyes at him, you dropped the piece in your hand in favor of focusing on this conversation.

“Lower levels? Next to the, uh, uh….” He shut his eyes, face screwed up in concentration, index finger wagging in front of him then tapping his chin in thought. His eyes shot wide open, finger shooting up triumphantly beside his head. “Next to the docks, the docking bay. The sign is broken?”

You smiled fondly, remembering the little hole on the wall bar. “Still is.”

“Yeah!” He cried excitedly. “I went there once or twice to meet up with some buddies.”

Narrowing your eyes again, you studied him closely. “I think I remember you now. Didn’t you come in with Nem?”

He pointed at you in joy, slapping his thigh with the other hand. “That’s the one!”

“Yeah, Nem and a purple Twi’lek.” Both Din and Mayfeld went rigid at the mention of the woman. “She was crazy.”

“Yeah,” he said, his voice distant. “We, uh, we parted ways not too long after. Too much for me.”

You smirked. “Had nothing to do with the fact that you’re serving time?”

Mayfeld tossed his head from side to side. “Well, that, yeah, and that she is also.” He turned to Din. “Do you wanna tell her, or should I?”

“Tell me what?”

“I already told you about the prison job gone wrong.”

“Oh that was this job?” You pointed at Mayfeld.

“Hey, don’t look at me,” Mayfeld protested, hands held up in surrender before one was pointing at Din. “It was his crazy ex that killed the guy.”

“I see,” you were trying so hard not to grin at how uncomfortable Din looked. “That part was conveniently left out.”

“I told you the Twi’lek killed a guard,” he countered.

“That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it.”

“This is all very amusing, and we can continue this conversation later,” Boba’s voice came over the loudspeaker on the ship from his spot in the cockpit. “But can we get back to the matter at hand for now?” The doors to the cockpit opened and he appeared, coming down the ladder. “I did an initial scan of the planet.” Walking over to the nav, he pushed a button and a holo appeared. “This is what you’re talkin’ about, right?” He pointed at a spot and it zoomed in on a large building.

Mayfeld swallowed when he saw the image, but nodded, taking a step closer. “Yeah, that's the refinery right there.”

Leaning her hands on the console, Fennec bent toward the spinning graphic. “Wonder what they’re refining in there.”

Boba began to scroll through the different specifics of the information. “Looks like rhydonium. Highly volatile and explosive.”

Mayfeld snorted. “Yeah. Kinda like these two, huh.” He chuckled, gesturing to you and Cara with his thumb. When no one laughed, his features melted back to neutral staring at the holo. He glanced at you quickly, doing a double take when he saw your smile of amusement, his own small grin tugging up his cheek slightly as he focused back on the projection.

Cara reached out when he wasn’t looking and shoved your shoulder with a look.

“Anything else, old man?” Arms crossed over your chest, you took a step closer to the hologram.

Brow arched, Boba turned his head toward you slowly. “Excuse me? I’m not that old.”

“Tell that to your face.”

The bounty hunter whipped his gaze toward Mayfeld, both brows arched high. “Come again?”

Mayfeld looked up at the man with wide eyes, stuttering for a moment before he shrugged. “I said this ship is a nice place.”

Boba narrowed his eyes, flicking them between you and Mayfeld before turning back to the screen and continued scrolling as he mumbled, “They have anti-aircraft cannons protecting it.”

“And a platoon of security forces.” Fennec pulled away from the holo, turning to the group with a tight expression.

Din was having none of it. He walked up to the floating blueprint, staring at it, and you got lost as its reflection spun in his visor. “So we go in quiet. Let’s go get a closer look.”

As everyone went their separate ways, Boba to the cockpit with Fennec, Cara escorting Mayfeld back to their seats as he tried to jerk his arm out of her hold mumbling, “Is that necessary? It’s a ship, where am I gonna go? Ow!” you sidled up to Din next to the nav.

Studying the spinning hologram as it rotated lazily, you spoke softly. “It’ll work, Din.”

“I know.”

“It has to.”

“It will.”

“What if it doesn’t?”

“Mesh’la….” He reached out to put his hand on your upper arm, but you pulled back out of his reach.

“Not right now. Sorry. I just…. I….” Eyes cast down to the floor, you finally brought them up to catch the T of his visor, barely recognizing your own reflection. “I’m going to go reassemble my blaster.”

Din sighed softly, but nodded as you gestured over your shoulder with your thumb. “Let me know if you beat your time.”

Pausing for a second, you stared at him, a small smile working its way up the side of your face, before it fell once again and you went back to your crate.

Mayfeld was talking lowly with Cara off to your side. “Mesh’la. Is that her name?”

You swallowed down a laugh as Cara choked on her own spit.

“Yeah, just go ahead and call her that. It’s what she goes by.”

It took everything in you not to lift your head and glare at Cara.

The hull of the ship fell silent in the hum of hyperspace as Boba and Fennec came back down, Din taking his seat across from you as you finished the last adjustments on your blaster once again.

“What was your time this time?” Mayfeld asked, and sounded genuinely curious.

You shrugged. “I don’t know, wasn’t paying attention. Just trying to keep busy.”

He smiled easily. “Well it seemed faster if you ask me. The troopers on Morak aren’t ready for the likes of Mesh’la.”

If it was possible, you’d say the hull fell under even more silence, every eye turning on Mayfeld, wide and disbelieving.

“What?” He barked out, turning to each face, his brows drawing together. “That’s her name, isn’t it?” His voice faded along with his expression and his mouth opened and closed a few times before he turned toward Din and mumbled a quiet, “That’s not her name, is it?”

If you had to guess, Mayfeld was probably about to wet himself as Din slowly turned his head to look at him.

A glance over at Boba showed his eyebrows would have been in his hairline if he had any hair.

Jumping to your feet, you dashed between the two men silently staring at one another, your back to Din before he could get to his feet, but you felt him begin to rise behind you, the slow drift up of Mayfeld’s eyes confirming your suspicions. “You don’t get to call me that,” you said softly.

“What, is it a special nickname or something?”

Tossing your head side to side before nodding, you smiled gently. “You could say that.”

“Di’kut,” Boba muttered under his breath. (“Idiot.”)

Mayfeld’s attention turned to the bounty hunter. “What, is that another one?”

The other man nodded, not missing a beat. “Yes, it’s just for you.”

You and Din had to contain snorts of laughter, tucking your head towards your chest to try and conceal the grin that wouldn’t stop.

The gears in Mayfeld’s head were turning. “Oh. So I can tell people I have a Mandalorian name now.” He beamed with pride.

“You should definitely do that,” Fennec spoke for the first time since coming back down, a grin working its way up her face, too.

“How do you say it again?”

“Di’kut,” Din said slowly and clearly, chuckling when Mayfeld repeated it a few times.

“What does it mean?”

“It’s not really translatable,” you offered after a loaded moment. “It’s just understood.”

“So any other Mando will know what it means?”

You nodded. “Anyone who speaks Mando’a will know.”

“And probably a few who don’t.” You couldn’t help but snicker at Fennec’s mumbled comment turned toward Boba’s back and meant only for those beside her.

Turning to face the wall behind you to conceal your broad grin still plastered on your face, you tried to take a deep, calming breath, but it quickly devolved into more snickers. Din came along, patting you on the back with a mumbled, “Are you okay?” but his words bounced so severely with restrained laughter it only made you worse, and you had to tuck into his cowl to hide your growing snorts of amusement.

Fennec was chuckling quietly, her face still angled slyly into Boba’s back, while Boba smiled kindly at Mayfeld.

Cara, on the other hand, didn’t understand what the word meant, but knew it wasn’t good, and was blatantly grinning like a fool at the whole exchange, her feet propped up on a crate in front of her.

Mayfeld grinned, oblivious to the snide exchanges behind beskar clad hunters. “Wizard.”

Xxx

Standing on the top of a cliff looking down at a road on a remote jungle planet, you looked around in wonder. It was so green. And you’d bet there were fireflies here somewhere.

“There aren’t,” Din mumbled, stepping up beside you.

Peering up at him, having to squint in the bright sunlight, but also because you wanted to narrow your eyes at him accusingly, you asked quietly, “Aren’t what?”

“Fireflies. I already looked it up before we left the ship.”

Your jaw dropped. “How did you-”

He turned to look down at you, his head tilted slightly. “You’re like a book, mesh’la. Easiest thing to read.”

“Easiest thing to read,” you scoffed, turning back to look over the edge of the cliff. “I’m not easy, I’m Huttese if I’m anything.” Turning back to him, pointing an accusatory finger close to his visor, you lowered your voice further, grumbling. “You’re easy to read.”

“Even with the helmet?”

“Especially with the helmet. You have one look.” You imitated the beskar’s flat expression. “Just,” your face fell flat again. “It’s like learning Mando’a the first time.”

Din huffed out an amused laugh. “Oh, really?”

“No,” you finally grumbled, turning back to look over the edge of the cliff again, arms crossing over your chest. “But it still wasn’t that difficult.” Your weight shifted to one leg and you cleared your throat. “Had you figured out after your first few visits to the bar.”

“That soon, huh? Am I really that easy?” Din was just poking at the krayt now, with a small, small stick.

“Oh, honey, the easiest.”

You laughed at Cara’s response as she made it to the top of the hill, her arm snaking around Din’s shoulder playfully.

“What are we talking about?”

Din looked at her for a long moment before he grunted, shook his head, and shrugged out of her grasp.

“Oh, don’t be like that, shiny!””

Din rounded on her, his face inches from hers as a smirk climbed her face.

“Told ya he wouldn’t let anyone but you get away with calling him names like that. You owe me fifty credits.”

Din’s head swiveled over to stare at you, head slightly tilted to the side.

You shrugged, turning your attention to Cara. “Ah, nope. I only owe you half.” Her eyes snapped off the back of Din’s helmet to meet your amused gaze. “You called him shiny on the ship before we picked up Mayfeld, and he didn’t say anything, so….”

Din turned back to Cara, waiting on her response.

“That’s true….” She mused, eyes flicking back over onto Din, before meeting yours again. “But he was distracted.”

Shrugging once more, you scuffed your foot on the ground, “I mean, if you wanna get technical, that’s true. So I win and you owe me fifty.”

Din looked straight ahead with a sigh, his shoulders deflating in defeat.

“No!” Cara didn’t even hesitate. “No. Half is fine.”

“Is that settled?” Din’s voice was tired, making you chuckle.

“Yes. The others are here now, anyway.”

The three of you looked to your left to see Mayfeld leading Boba and Fennec up the incline, the two of them exchanging looks as he huffed and puffed from the trek.

As he stood near the edge, surveying the valley below, hands on his hips, he took a deep breath. “Wow! That is high!” Blowing out the breath on a long huff, he bent over and leaned on his knees, his face scrunching up like he ate something sour. “Let’s land closer next time.”

“Let’s not need a next time,” you mumbled, your mood taking a sour turn at the comment like his expression.

He turned to you, nodding, having the decency to look sheepish as he stood up straight again, his breathing finally back to something close to normal. “I’m not gonna need long inside, so once I get the coordinates, you guys gotta get me the hell out of there.”

Boba nodded as he stepped closer to the edge and peered down. “You get to the roof. I’ll drop in and pull you out.”

Another of the large transport vehicles rumbled past on the road down in the valley, all of your heads following it as it disappeared into a nearby tunnel to the left.

Cara cleared her throat, taking a step back toward the path down the steep incline. “All right. Mayfeld and I will swap out for the drivers in the tunnel.”

Mayfeld planted his feet, hands coming up to gesture while he spoke. “Hey. As much as I’d like to take a road trip with Rebel-dropper here,” Cara’s face twisted in a face that was not amused, “that’s not gonna work.”

“Oh, yeah? Why’s that?” Her tone was wearing thin.

You stepped between Mayfeld and Cara, gesturing her back with your hand when she went to step forward. “I think what my friend here is trying to say,” you looked at her pointedly over your shoulder before looking back at Mayfeld, “is could you please give us a little more detail about why it won’t work?”

He nodded, his gesturing continuing. “Well, because these Remnant bases are set up and run by ex-ISB. If you get scanned and your genetic signature shows up on any New Republic register, you’re gonna be detected, and it’s guns out.”

Turning to Cara, you held her gaze firmly. “I’m not on any registers.” You turned to face Din. “I’ll go.”

Din just looked at you, no words needed, you all understood. No.

Ignoring your suggestion completely, Din moved on to the next subject. “We don’t have time for this. Fennec will go.”

She shook her head. “No. I’m wanted by the ISB. I’ll trip the alarm, too.”

Din sighed, looking over his shoulder at the other Mandalorian. “Fett?”

“Let’s just say they might recognize my face.”

Narrowing your eyes at the green beskar, your mind began to wander as you pondered his words…. He did look familiar. And in more than just the “I met you for five seconds when I was twelve” sense. But whenever you saw a familiar face in your memory, they were all in your childhood, on the streets of Coruscant. All in white. Troopers. Clones.

In fact you’d seen a few since being with Din on the Crest, old war veterans sitting against deserted city walls with signs asking for aid. You’d tossed a few credits when you could, a ration pack if you couldn’t, a smile and kind word if the other two were running dry. No matter what you had to offer, a smile and thanks was always waiting for you in a warm and similar voice. Kind, kindred, soft, but broken…. So, so broken. And each with the exact same face. Give or take a few years.

But Boba looked older than most of them. Could he be…. No. But…. Your head hurt.

Boba turned his visor to you just slightly, just enough to catch your eye, and tilted his head to the side knowingly.

You raised your eyebrows at him and he just simply bowed his head gently in acknowledgment, something so small anyone else that saw it would think he was just nodding off or something. All you could do was blink at him, his shoulders shaking slightly in silent amusement. Shaking your head to clear it, you tuned back in to the conversation at hand.

Mayfeld was still going on about the vehicle. “Great, so it’s me goin’ in alone.”

“Or I could go, too. It’s a good idea, Mando, and you know it.” It didn’t hurt to try again. He didn’t even bother to look at you this time and somehow that hurt more. The anger boiling under your skin since the kid was taken starting to simmer again despite your best efforts.

Cara and Mayfeld began to bicker yet again as Din used the scope off of one of his rifles to look at another truck driving by.

“I’ll go.”

Mayfeld scoffed, laughing quietly. “Hey, buddy, I might be good at fast-talking, but I don’t think I can explain away a guy in a Mando suit to Imperial guards. So, unless you’re gonna take off that helmet, it’s gonna be me goin’ in alone.” His eyes fell on you as his voice softened. “Or say goodbye to your little green friend.”

Din’s hand closed around the scope as he lowered it back to his side, the leather of his gloves creaking under the effort. “You’re not going alone. I’m coming with you. But I won’t be showing my face.”

Something about seeing Din under as much pressure as you, in as much pain, made your turmoil lessen slightly. Was that horrible? It wasn’t that you felt good that he was suffering, too. In fact it was the opposite. You felt the need to be strong for him. Be strong when he couldn’t. When he shouldn’t be. He was allowed to break, too.

Mayfeld ‘s expression was sour. “And big scary green Mando is out?”

Boba sighed. “Yes.”

“You sure, old timer?”

The bounty hunter’s voice had grown tight. “I’m almost as young as he is.” He tilted his head toward Din on his right.

“That’s why he keeps the helmet on.”

Both beskar clad men took a step toward the man, stopping when he slunk back around to hide behind you.

Mayfeld looked like anything else was preferable to spending time alone with Din. “Let’s circle back around to her idea,” he pointed at you. “She can go with me.”

“No.” Din didn’t even hesitate.

So neither did you. “Yes.”

He sighed, turning to you. “Stop.”

“Let the lady make her own decisions, Mando.” Mayfeld’s hands were resting on his hips.

You mimicked his posture, hands going to your own hips as you glared playfully at Din. “Yeah, Mando. You know I’m going with you. That’s not negotiable. You need me.” All around you, every member of your party looked down as little pebbles and twigs began to float up off the ground, suspended in the air while you and Din stared at one another. You let them fall abruptly after Din let out another sigh in resignation, grinning at him in triumph.

Mayfeld simply stared at the ground with knit brows for a long moment before asking bluntly, “What just happened?”

“Maybe someday I’ll tell you,” you put your hands on his shoulders and turned him to start back down the path towards Boba’s ship. “But for now we need to regroup and get ready. This needs to happen soon.”

“I mean, I don’t have anything but what’s on me now,” Mayfeld started, the twist of his smirk making you want to roll your eyes. Here we go. “The clothes on my back are all the ray of absolute sunshine over there would allow me.” He gestured toward Cara over his shoulder with his thumb. “But that could change really quickly if you wanted….”

Suddenly Mayfeld was stumbling ahead of you, and bright silver beskar catching the sun came up in your peripherals.

“What’d I do?!” Mayfeld objected, rounding on Din.

“I’m not quite sure,” Boba said from the back of the group, “but if you do it again, I have a very nice carbonite chamber you can make the ride home in when we’re done.”

Mayfeld gulped loudly, eyes going wide as his steps froze. Like the flip of a switch, his features twisted into amusement, a tense laugh bubbling out of his chest. “Nah, you’re joking. ….right?”

Boba had moved up from the back and fell into step beside you, his tone nonchalant as he continued to address Mayfeld. “It’s very real. I can have Fennec show you, if you’d like.”

Swallowing roughly, Mayfeld mumbled something about how he was fine and turned to continue toward the ship.

Inching closer to you, Boba leaned down to speak lowly next to your ear. “It’s very real, yes, but also very broken at the moment.” You smirked as he lifted his head back toward Mayfeld. “I think you’ll especially love the shuk'yc aspect of it.” (“Broken down.”)

You chuckled at the ribbing the bounty hunter was giving the man. “Be nice,” you mumbled toward the green beskar to your right, your threat clearly more of an acknowledgement of the game he was starting than an actual admonishment.

“Shuk-” After stumbling over the word, Mayfeld groaned softly. “Can someone explain that in a way I will understand?”

“I’m sure they could, but where’s the fun in that,” Cara mused as she walked past.

You shook your head. “This is osik'la.” (“Messed up.”)

Boba laughed. “It’s fun to jurkadir ti.” (“Mess someone around.”)

Mayfeld had turned back around to face the group and was walking backwards. “That’s not funny, guys.”

You ignored him, speaking exclusively to Boba. “Yes but the di'kut can’t understand it.” (“Idiot.”)

Stumbling as he continued to move backwards, Mayfeld righted himself, glancing over his shoulder as he prattled on. “What are you talking about? I heard my Mando name. That’s my name. I know that much. Are you guys talking about me? Come on!”

Boba shrugged. “Kaysh mirsh solus. What more can you do?” (“He's an idiot.” (Lit. “His brain cell is lonely.”))

“Hello!” Mayfeld dragged out the word in annoyance.

You smirked. “True.”

Boba turned to Mayfeld. “Just singing your praises.” His visor landed back on you. “Aren’t we, mesh’la?” (“Beautiful.”)

Mayfeld pulled up short. “Wait. I’m confused. Why isn’t Mando trying to murder him for calling her mesh- that name?” He stumbled over the word, stopping short when he thought better of trying to say it again. Turning to Din, hands on his hips, he raised his brows expectantly.

“I kinda like him. You on the other hand….”

Mayfeld tossed his hands up letting them come back down to his sides with a slap, a wry smile twisting up his features. “Ok. I see how it is.” He spun in a half circle away from everyone before turning back to look you and Boba straight on. “Ha ha, let’s keep Mayfeld in the dark - that’s not fair, guys! I’m a member of this group, too!”

“You’re right….” Boba mused quietly, tilting his visor down to meet your gaze. “Me'vaar ti gar?” (“What's new with you?”)

Looking up at him, you grinned. “Naas.” (“Nothing.”)

Mayfeld just stared, taking a deep breath through his nose, arms crossed over his chest, and his left eye twitched slightly. He turned to Din once again. “What are they saying?”

Din leaned in slightly and said in a dry tone, “If I told you, I’d have to kill you.”

Mayfeld leaned back away from Din.

You laughed, bumping your shoulder into Boba’s side. “Vor'e, ruug'la jag.” (“Thanks, old man.”)

“U'tabi, ad’ika. Ori'buyce, kih'kovid gar. Gedeteya Ni guuro gar.” (“Tread carefully, little one. All helmet, no head. Be thankful I like you.”)

You turned your gaze up to his visor, finding it tilted to the side teasingly. “Gar gedeteya Ni gana jate aalan, ba'buir. Copaani mirshmure'cye, vod?” (“You be thankful I have a good mood, grandfather. Are you looking for a smack in the face, mate?”)

He shrugged. “Haatyc or'arue jate'shya ori'sol aru'ike nuhaatyc. Gar cuyi copikla….” (“Better one big enemy that you can see than many small ones that you can't. You’re, cute….”)

You dropped your jaw. In Mando’a that last word was reserved for children, using it for a woman meant you had a death wish. Narrowing your eyes at him, you lowered your voice in playful warning. “Slana’pir, ruug’la jag.” (“Piss off, old man.”)

Boba laughed softly, but before he could respond, Mayfeld turned to Cara, asking loudly, “Can you believe this?”

Cara looked at him with a disarming smile as she said clear as day the one thing Din had taught her in Mando’a, “Ne shab'rud'ni.” (“Don't fuck around with me.”)

Mayfeld turned and walked off several steps, tossing his hands in the air again. “Oh, kriff all of ya!” He rounded on Boba. “How do you say ‘kriff you’ in Mando’a?”

“Copaani mirshmure'cye, vod?” (“Want a headbutt, mate?”)

You choked on a laugh, turning it into a cough as you turned to the side.

Narrowing his eyebrows at the green Mandalorian before shaking his head, he turned back to the group, pointing at Boba. “What he said!” Then quieter, “I think.” As soon as he’d said that, he made his way over to Fennec, falling in step with her as you all continued toward Boba’s ship. “You know what they are saying?”

She nodded, not looking away from the path. “I know enough to get by.”

“Then-”

She interrupted him with a smirk. “Ner burc'ya…. Val bid mirdala.” (“My friends…. They are so clever.”)

“What?”

“No, I won’t tell you.”

Mayfeld turned in a slow circle, glaring daggers at all of you in turn. “When this job is done, I never want to hear another word of Mando’a ever again.”

“Koor,” you agreed with a nod, grinning when he turned his glare squarely on you. Looking at the ground to try and contain your glee as you walked past him at the bottom of the ramp, you mumbled a quiet explanation, “Deal.” (“Deal.”)

“You know what,” he grumbled, looking like a pouting child. “You can all go kiss a krayt dragon.”

Silence filled the spaces left between all of you, heavy and awkward. Sighing as you came to a stop at the top of the ramp, you turned to face your petulant new friend.

But before you could say anything, Din broke the silence with an easy, “Better than getting swallowed by one.”

Mayfeld scoffed. “How would you know?” He stared at Din, his expression quickly melting to wide eyed disbelief, his voice along with it as he mumbled a quiet, “How would you know?”

“Or being partially digested by a sarlacc.”

All heads slowly swiveled to look at Boba in silence.

After another long moment, Mayfeld turned to Din. “Oh, don’t tell me you….” Din shrugged, making Mayfeld wince before turning to Boba. “And you….”

Silence once again settled around you all, this time filled with loaded looks and amusement.

Holding his hands up by his head in surrender, Mayfeld looked at the ground, shaking his head. “I’m not even gonna try anymore….” He started up the ramp, mumbling, “I will never live up to my Mandalorian name. I’ll never be deserving of di’kut….”

Fennec walked past him, grinning as she offered, “Oh, believe me…. You already are.”

Xxx

Cara, Mayfeld, and Din left the ship to go to a spot a little further up the hill from the lookout. It was directly above the tunnel so the four of you could easily drop down onto the next transport.

“You coming?” Din stopped after a few steps, looking over his shoulder at you with a small inquisitive tilt of his head.

“I’ll be right behind you.”

Once they were just out of sight, you turned to Boba as he came up beside you, taking the earpiece he extended your way.

“Are you sure you want to do this, little one?”

Adjusting the small electronic in your ear, a faint beep signifying it had connected to his comm once you had let it settle for a moment, you stared down the path where the others had disappeared. “No.” Looking up at the tall man with kind eyes, you smiled softly. “But I have to.”

Din had no idea about you taking the comm in with you. It wasn’t a big deal, all things considered, not as much as you actually going into the base with them the way you intended to. But if you got caught with any sort of communication device, any sort of interrogation you’d receive would be ten times as worse than if you just wandered onto the base. It’d look more like you were gathering intelligence, which was the goal of being here, yes, but you were just going in to clear a way to the roof as a way of escape. Din and Mayfeld were the ones gathering the intelligence. If Din knew you had an earpiece, he wouldn’t let you go, most likely.

“Channel three, if you get kicked out for some reason.”

You turned to Fennec as she spoke, appearing seemingly out of thin air on your other side. Nodding in understanding, you made sure your weapons belt was tight. “Channel three, got it. Otherwise we’re secure? Or do I need to worry about some sort of code?”

“This isn’t espionage….” Boba’s tone was highly amused.

“Actually, it kinda is….”

After an exchange of loaded looks, all three of you chuckled quietly.

“Long live the Empire,” Boba mumbled sarcastically as he turned to walk away.

“You should leave those here.” Fennec’s ever quiet tone made you pause, turning to her in question. She gestured to your belt.

“You want me to go in unarmed?” The scoff fell out of your mouth before you could stop it.

With a roll of her eyes, Fennec shifted her weight to one side before looking at you pointedly. “No. But if you go in loaded to the teeth with beskar, a loaded belt, and-”

“I’m not loaded to the teeth,” you protested, hands on your hips. “I’m not Mando.”

She huffed, pointing at each thing. “Vambraces - beskar vambraces - loaded with probably five or more weapons on their own. Saber. Blaster number one. Blaster number two. Knife….”

“Okay, okay, I get the point.”

“….Rifle on your back. Probably a vibroblade in your boot like Mando has and tries to pretend no one knows is there….”

You arched a brow. “You done?”

“….And it’s purely speculation, but you may or may not have a blaster in the waistband of your pants.”

“That was just to collect Mayfeld.”

Fennec huffed. “Please. You don’t trust him as far as you can throw him.”

“Considering my abilities, that’s actually pretty far….”

Fennec turned to leave, but you reached out, lightly grabbing her forearm to stop her.

“Wait, wait. I’m sorry. You’re right. I mean, no, it’s not in my waist anymore, but I’ve kept something on or near me at all times. But not just since Mayfeld…. Since…. Uh….”

Her features softened. “Since the kid.”

“Yes. No. I mean, not just since he’s been taken-”

“I know what you mean.” Her free hand came to rest on your upper arm softly, a kind smile pulling up her face. “Ever since the kid, period.” You nodded. “I wouldn’t understand if I hadn’t met Boba. Mandalorians are fiercely protective of anyone they deem family, beyond blood, beyond any bond I’ve ever seen.”

“Aliit ori'shya tal'din.” You mumbled the saying you’d heard Din recite to the kid time and time again, looking down at the floor before bringing your eyes back up to meet Fennec’s. “I’m not Mandalorian, though.” (“Family is more than blood.”)

She grinned. “Don’t discount yourself so quickly. Besides, that doesn’t matter. You’re family.”

Holding her gaze, your eyes went wide. “I have to get him back, Fennec. This has to work. I-”

“Then choose two weapons to take, and I’ll hold the rest here on the ship, stash them somewhere safe until you get back.”

“Two?” You whined. She arched a brow at you. “Fine,” you grumbled, turning down to inspect your belt.

In the end you opted to take the knife Din had originally etched the mudhorn on tucked safely in your boot, and the first blaster that had gotten his signet as well.

Unclipping your saber and second blaster, you handed them to her. “I’m leaving the belt on. Need my hands free.” She nodded. “Don’t lose these.” If looks could kill…. Then Fennec would be twice as deadly right now. Taking the rifle slung over your shoulders off, you thrust it into her waiting hand, watching sadly as she set it against a nearby crate before turning back toward you.

She held her hand out, waiting. After a moment of no movement, she trilled her fingers against the air. “Vibroblade.”

“Oh, come on!” She smirked at your complaint. “You’re leaving me defenseless!” Tugging the spare blade out of your other boot, you smacked it into her waiting palm. Waving a finger at her, your face turned stern. “You’re not getting my vambraces.”

“And your plan to cover them is….”

You thought for a moment. “Jedi mind tricks?” Your voice went up at the end, going slightly squeaky, and you cursed yourself silently.

Fennec’s face fell flat, her hand extending toward you once again, waiting.

“Nope. No way.” You leaned closer. “I’m Mandalorian, remember?” She took a deep breath through her nose in an effort to stay calm. “Weapons are part of my religion.”

“You’re not going to stop, are you?” She kept her voice flat, but a smile was tugging up one side of her face, betraying her true feelings.

You smirked. “What do you think?”

Xxx

“Where’ve you been?” Din wasted no time once you caught up with the small group on the edge of the cliff, quickly ducking onto your stomach on the ground beside him. You had to shove Mayfeld to the side with your shoulder, earning a grunt from the man, but he acquiesced, scooting to make room.

Before you could answer, your mouth opening as you took a breath, Din’s visor dropped down to your waist. “Where’s the rest of your weapons?”

You turned to meet the hard stare of his T, arching a brow as you waited. “You gonna let me talk now?”

A soft grunt was his only response, making a small smile work its way up your face.

“Fennec thought it best I leave most of them behind, just to be safe.”

A deep sigh in your ear had you biting the inside of your cheek to not react.

“Dropping me right in the rancor pit, I see….” Fennec’s dry tone made you want to laugh, but you just cleared your throat instead, looking down to the road below.

Boba’s warm chuckle drifted into your ear next. “Don’t worry, Fennec. I’ll protect you if the Mandalorian takes offense.”

“I can take care of myself, old timer.”

Boba groaned. “Not you, too. I saved your life, you know. You could be a little nicer to me.”

“I don’t know. Has a nice ring to it….”

Their argument continued, drowning out Mayfeld as he began to ask questions as well. Then Cara as she told the two men to butt out.

Closing your eyes to try and focus on at least one thing, you finally snapped. “Guys!”

“What?” Three voices beside you said in unison with two voices in your ear.

Snapping your eyes open, you stared ahead blankly, trying to figure out what to say that could appease all five people waiting on your response.

“Now’s not the time. Focus. Please.” You gestured down at the road with one hand. “We have a small window in which to do this.” The ground began to rumble beneath your palms. “And here it comes.”

The four of you exchanged looks as the transport drew closer, dropping down onto the roof once it began to pass into the tunnel.

Keeping low until the top of the ceiling opened up enough that you could stand hunched over, then making your way to the front. Once you were over the cab, you flung the hatch open and held it back for Cara as she dropped down, catching the drivers off guard.

After a few grunts and the sound of a fist colliding with cheap armor sounded a handful of times, you stuck your head down into the opening. “Need any help?”

Cara pushed the limp body on her right to the side and grabbed the lever directly in front of her, yanking it back with a loud huff. “No, I’m fine, thanks.” She stumbled a bit as the vehicle lurched to a stop.

“Just making sure,” you lilted teasingly as you pulled back from the hatch, gesturing Din and Mayfeld forward from where they had stayed in the back to keep watch on the road. Cara calling your name drew you back into the small cockpit. “Yes?” Everything was upside down from the way you were perched.

“Actually, you wanna help me get these guys outta here?”

You just blinked at her for a minute, confused, until she huffed again, lifting her hand and wiggling her fingers teasingly at you in the way she did when she talked about the kid and his powers.

You sighed, rolling your eyes as you flipped over yourself, dropping into the small space beside her.

“Thank you,” she sang happily, a wide grin on her face as she yanked the drivers door open to reveal Din and Mayfeld down on the ground already waiting. She tried to shove the body with her foot, but it hardly budged.

“Safety belt, genius,” Mayfeld mumbled, reaching out to click it open, the body collapsing further forward without the restraint.

Cara grumbled at him, gesturing him around to the passenger side with a jerk of her head.

When he didn’t move, Din gave him a gentle push around the front of the transport. “Go around. I’ve got this one.”

“But I wanted to drive,” he grumbled as he made his way around.

You unclipped the passenger side safety belt, the unconscious body slumping forward into the dash as Mayfeld opened the door. “You can, but let’s get them out of the uniforms and tied up first. We’re on the clock.”

Mayfeld wiggled his eyebrows. “Kinky.” He tried to yank the body, not making much headway, and looked across to see Din and Cara not even attempting to touch the bodies. “A little help here?”

“Step back,” you tried to wave him away, but he stood close to the door, making you sigh in frustration. “Di’kut, step back.”

A grin slowly spreading across his face, he stepped to the side with his hands held up in surrender.

“Finally,” you mumbled, lifting both hands to your sides and flicking your wrists outward as if you were shooing a bug, making the bodies fly out of their respective sides and onto the ground. “I’m not helping to get them naked, that’s your job.”

Din was already pulling the whipcord from his vambrace to bind the guard at his feet.

Mayfeld rolled his guard over by nudging his shoulder with his boot. “Hey, Mando. Got any to spare?”

“I do.” You stepped to the passenger side, pressing a button on your vambrace to let the cord spool onto the ground.

As the two men set about taking care of the troopers, you stood behind Cara as she messed with switches all over the console. “This thing going to explode when they put it back in gear?”

She snorted a laugh. “No. The rhydonium is still stable, and the engine is all in order, no fail safes that I can see.”

“No trackers?”

She looked over her shoulder at you, smiling gently. “No trackers.” Leaning closer, she whispered, “Hey, by the way, what does that mean anyway?”

“What does what mean?”

“Hey, look! Who am I?” Both of you turned toward the sound of Mayfeld’s voice to find him in the trooper helmet, his voice dropping ridiculously low as he monotonously said, “This is the way.”

“Idiot,” Cara mumbled, shaking her head.

You grinned and said lowly, “If you already know, why’d you ask?”

Her eyes shot up to yours, a laugh barking out of her chest before several more came out to meet it.

“Mesh’la?”

Turning at the sound of Din’s voice out the driver’s door, you saw him holding out a hand toward you to help you out of the vehicle. Taking his hand, you jumped down beside him, looking up at him with raised brows.

Mayfeld came around the corner dragging the other guard before tossing him beside the one Din had stashed in a nearby corner for Cara to deal with once you all left. He threw the uniform at Din, stooping down to pick up the drivers set off the floor of the transport where the Mandalorian had left it before disappearing behind one of the massive tires to change. After a moment, his shirt came flying from behind the huge wheel, landing squarely on Cara’s face.

She whipped it down, glaring at the tire, then at you, rolling her eyes when you held your hands up in surrender. Turning, she jumped back into the cockpit.

“Mayfeld is gonna die someday and no one will question anything because everyone will know it was Cara.” Turning back to Din, you chuckled softly as you asked, “I’m assuming you want me to stash your armor in the bag as you go to save time?”

He nodded. “It’d help.”

You returned the nod, following him to a secluded outcropping of wall he could step behind for privacy before taking the large bag he offered you and turning your back to him. Both to keep watch, and out of habit knowing he’d be removing his helmet.

Quickly and efficiently he removed each piece of beskar, handing it to you over your shoulder to set delicately down in the bag, making a mental note of the order. They were in such a way that they nestled into one another, stacking neatly.

Next, his flight suit was passed to you. Setting the bag down by your feet, you folded it quickly but neatly.

Placing it in the top of the bag, you shook your head. “You know, come to think of it, I’ve never seen you fold anything.”

“I know how to fold.”

“Name one thing you fold on a regular basis.” No answer. “This must have been before me, because I have only ever seen you remove your cape, and when you do, it’s in a ball shoved in a corner somewhere on the Crest.”

Din grunted.

A piece of material brushed your arm before disappearing, then reappeared along with a sigh from the Mandalorian behind you.

Turning toward the cloth you saw his cape and cowl, folded into a nice…. Ball. You grinned as you narrowed your brows at the wad of fabric in your hand. “How….”

He chuckled. “Years of practice.”

Tilting your head before you took a deep breath to ask another question, he cut you off.

“Not one word,” he grumbled, his voice bouncing as he stepped into the trooper flight suit.

“I didn’t say anything!” You protested, taking his gloves as he handed them to you over your shoulder. “Will you switch your helmet so I can help you with this shit armor, please?”

Din sighed.

“Is there a problem?”

“It…. smells.”

You couldn’t help but start to laugh, the sound growing when Mayfeld contributed.

“You, too?” His voice echoed off the walls of the tunnel from a few yards down where he sat in the opening of the drivers door, tying the laces of his boots. “Oh, my God, this guy reeked! His gloves are still wet…. Ugh!”

Screwing your face up in disgust, you turned around to face Din, doing up the top of the flight suit he still had open. “Okay. Well, then, let’s just get done what we can, and do that last. How’s that sound? We need to hurry, though, so I’m sorry, but you won’t get long.”

“I’ll take what I can get,” he mumbled, one ungloved hand coming to rest on your hip, lingering there before he gently pushed you to the side as he reached for the trooper armor behind you.

Jaw dropped in shock, you shoved his shoulder. “Fine. Do it on your own.” Turning to march off dramatically, you were stopped by a finger in the collar of your shirt as he laughed softly.

“Help me, please. I’m sorry.”

Grumbling, you grabbed the chest plate. “I’ll help you,” you mumbled. “Put this on upside down. See how that helps.”

Once each piece was settled, all that was left was the helmet.

“Okay, take a deep breath while you can, then put that ugly bucket on.” Closing your eyes, you held out your hands, waiting to take the beskar dome when he was ready.

A hiss of the mechanism sounded before it was placed in your hands, another mechanism quickly reengaging.

“Mesh’la.”

Opening your eyes, you came face to face with a trooper, and despite expecting it, you jumped. “Scary.” Din huffed. “You sound different.”

“I’m trying not to breathe too deeply.”

You grimaced. “What does it smell like?”

“You don’t want to know.”

Setting his helmet in the bag, you didn’t like seeing it staring back at you without Din inside of it. Cinching the bag tight, you went to lift it, but there was no way you’d ever be able to, it was too heavy.

“I’ve got it,” Din said softly, swinging the bag over his shoulder as he walked back toward the transport. He hadn’t taken two steps out from behind the wall when Mayfeld began to chuckle.

“Look at this. Oh, the shame. Now, that right there is worth the price of admission.”

Din ignored him, continuing on to Cara, stopping a few feet in front of her as if to say, “Well?”

She grinned, her voice tight from trying not to laugh. “Wish I could say it looked good on you, but I’d be lying.”

Mayfeld was still chuckling softly from his perch in the drivers side door, so you made your way over there, by all appearances, nonchalantly, while Din and Cara continued going over the plan once again. When you were close enough, you peered up at him, enjoying the way his chuckles began to slowly fade. “What’s so funny?”

“Are you not seeing what I’m seein’?” He pointed toward Din.

Looking over your shoulder before turning back to him, you arched a brow. “I see two men wearing the exact same uniform.”

He scoffed. “Well then you’re not seein’ what I’m seein’. He-” Mayfeld was cut off by an unseen force tugging him precariously close to the edge of the doorway he sat in, and it was a several foot drop to the ground below should he…. fall.

Taking a step closer to his flailing form, you leaned into him a bit. “You were saying?”

Wide eyes landing on yours, Mayfeld swallowed roughly. “He looks great. That’s what I was gonna say. Fits him like a glove. Second skin. Anything else?”

You pulled him forward about an inch, smirking when his eyes screwed shut. “I haven’t decided yet….”

“Mesh’la.” The Mandalorian’s tone was flat, and unamused.

“No, let her finish,” Cara added quietly. “This is my favorite part.”

“Hey, guys.” Mayfeld sat up and glared at you, the expression faltering when you arched a brow at him. “Still on the clock.”

As Din walked past the drivers side to get to the passengers side, Mayfeld tisked. “What would they say on Mandalore?”

“Di’kut, for one,” you grumbled under your breath, turning to face Cara.

Fennec and Boba had been largely silent since you had asked everyone to focus, thankfully, but this comment sent warm laughter into your ear from the earpiece.

“Whoops, sorry, ad’ika. Bumped the button on the comm while I was moving something,” Boba’s voice came through softly. “But as long as I’m here, just know we’re listening and ready to help if- when you need.”

You scoffed quietly, turning so Cara wouldn’t question you. “When I need it? Your confidence is overwhelming.”

Boba’s tone was amused, the sound of his pilot’s chair creaking and you could just picture him leaning back in it lazily. “Just call me optimistic.”

“I’ll call you something, old man, but it won’t be optimistic-”

“Did you say something?”

Turning to face Cara, finding her brows raised at you in question, you coughed, patting your chest a few times as you shook your head.

“No. Just swallowed wrong or something.”

Boba chuckled in your ear. “Careful, ad’ika. You need to be better about this whole covert thing, you’re about to be in a base filled with troopers. What are you going to do then? Start sneezing?”

Rolling your eyes, you took a step closer to Cara. Before you could bid her goodbye, however, Mayfeld began talking again, ribbing her as he climbed into the drivers seat.

“You know, it’s a shame you’re not comin’ along with us. You got such a sunny disposition. Can’t imagine how much fun you are in one of these.”

Nodding to Cara, you turned to head for the transport, but her hand on your elbow stopped you. A quick glance at her face showed this conversation had violence in mind.

“Hypothetically,” she began, licking her lips as she took a deep breath before going on, “if I were to…. Dispose of Mayfeld, could you - hypothetically, of course - use your Force powers to reanimate him so I could do it again?” She trilled her fingers on Force powers like she always did, making you snort.

“Hypothetically?” You turned to look at the man in question settling into the drivers seat, Cara’s gaze following along and glaring daggers as she nodded.

“You have twenty seconds to give me an answer before this is no longer hypothetical.”

Tilting your head to the side, you crossed your arms over your chest as you continued to study the man behind the controls. “And if the answer is no?”

She shrugged. “Then he had a nice life.”

Shaking your head, you tucked a laugh into your chest. “I know it pains you, but I need his help right now, Cara.”

“I know, I know, I was only kidding.”

“No, you weren’t.”

“No, I wasn’t.”

You put a hand on her shoulder. “Let’s get through this, then we can revisit these…. Thoughts.”

“Promise?” She asked hopefully, but you knew she was teasing. She’d never actually follow through on the threat.

“I will do no such thing.”

“I thought you were my friend!” She called to your back as you climbed into the vehicle.

Din reached out a hand from his spot in the passenger seat to help you up. Taking it with a smile up his way, you hauled yourself up and called back over your shoulder, “Friends don’t let other friends commit atrocities!”

“They do if they love each other!”

Turning around to face her, you cocked your head to the side as you ducked down to see her through the opening. “Is that what you’re doing right now? Loving me by helping commit atrocities?”

Her face was comically screwed up in mock offence. “Hell no! This is for the kid. There’s nothing more of a just cause in this galaxy than that.”

“Are you two done?”

You glared at Mayfeld’s mumbled question, tripping as you turned to climb the rest of the way in, knocking his seat forward slightly.

Cara was glaring at him from her spot beside the transport, and she quickly turned to you. “Just give me two minutes.”

One of the guards tied up beside her began to stir, and without looking, she hit him in the back of the head with the butt of her rifle, sending him slack once again.

“You have a job to do, Cara. And so do we. Go.”

As the door sealed shut, you saw her roll her eyes through the viewport, hoisting the bodies in each hand and dragging them in the direction of Boba’s ship. What was going to happen to them? You had no clue.

Mayfeld was staring at the console looking a little lost. “What’s goin’ on here? Power coil, motivator….”

You leaned forward, reaching over his shoulder and flipping the proper switch to start the engine.

He glared up at you as he grumbled, “I was gettin’ to that.” Pressing a large lever forward, the transport lurched forward, the light at the end of the tunnel getting closer. “And we are off.”

Xxx

Mayfeld couldn’t let the silence sit for long. Turning to Din as he adjusted some controls, he tilted his head back slightly. “Hey, how’s it feel?”

Din, of course, was silent. He stared straight ahead, not moving an inch aside from the bumpy road jostling you all slightly, and it made you grin.

“Huh?” Mayfeld prodded after a moment. “I mean, c’mon, man, you still get to wear a helmet, right?” When Din still didn’t respond to him, he shook his head. “All right, you know what? I’m takin’ this thing off.” Reaching up he tugged off the helmet. “I can’t see anything.” He set it between him and Din and stared straight forward at the road, something in his voice going softer than before. “I don’t know how you people wear those things. And by ‘you people’, I do mean Mandalorians.”

Shortly after leaving the tunnel, your earpiece buzzed quietly with Fennec’s voice. “Phase one, complete. We’re in.”

Boba came next, all business. “Copy. Standing by.”

They went quiet after that, and you were thankful. You needed this time to try and get your head into the right mindset before going into the base.

Mayfeld kept glancing over toward Din, almost nervously. Finally he offered a quiet, “Feels better when it’s off,” gesturing toward his head where the helmet had been.

Din finally turned toward him slightly, looking at him, and the smile Mayfeld offered was nothing but relief. A smile that said, “Thank you for not killing me, I'm just trying to make conversation.”

After that Mayfeld must have been content with that response, because the cab was silent for a long while. You watched the green scenery pass by outside in a blur, startling at Din’s voice on your right.

“Mesh’la?” He wasn’t looking at you, but you nodded for him to go on anyway. “Go over the plan again for me once. Please.”

Mayfeld huffed in amusement, shaking his head as he mumbled, “The Mandalorian says please. Someone alert the Senate! Something big is goin’ on.”

Ignoring him, you leaned forward between their seats, bracing a forearm on each headrest. “We get in, I sneak to a supply closet for a disguise and get to the roof, clearing a path for the two of you….”

Leaning further forward as you trailed off, all three of you peered out the viewport at the hulls of burned out transports much like the one you were in sitting on the sides of the road. Not only were they burned out, it looked like they had exploded. Twisted metal and tires sitting in heaps.

The vehicles comms clicked on and a man’s voice said, “Juggernaut Four, you’re running a bit hot. Be sure to watch your cargo heat limits and speed.”

Another male voice clicked on, “Copy that, Three. We hit a couple bumps. Thanks for the heads up.”

“Don’t worry about the rhydonium.” Din’s voice was one he used on the kid whenever he would fuss. It seemed to work on Mayfeld as he glanced up from studying the read out for the haul. “As long as you drive steady, you’ll get us to the refinery.” Din turned his head to look at you. “Clear a path for the two of us to….”

You shook your head. “Clear a path, that’s it.” You met the gaze of his imposter helmet. “Once I’m on the roof, I’ll let Boba know, and-”

“How will you let Fett know?”

You winced as Fennec’s voice filled your ear. “Just so we’re clear, that was all you.”

“Yes, thank you, Fennec, I am aware-”

“Fennec?” Din’s voice rose as he went to get to his feet but you pushed him back down by his shoulders.

“Stop.”

“Are you wearing a-”

You tapped your ear with a small smile, keeping one hand on his shoulder. “It was my idea. I knew I’d probably need help in the base, and that way once I was up top, things could run smoother. Fennec and Cara are going to be focused on taking down any troopers in the way, they don’t need to be worried about comms. Let me worry about it.”

He went to stand again, but you wouldn’t let him, needing very little pressure to keep him seated in the awkward position of the cockpit. “Mesh’la, if they catch you, and find that earpiece, they won’t just send you to some max security prison. They are going to think you’re a spy and torture you first. You may not even make it to a prison.”

You can hear the pain in his voice. He’s scared. There wasn’t much in this galaxy that could frighten a Mandalorian, but somehow you managed to mash it all up into one situation and throw it at him when he wasn’t looking. He wasn’t just scared, you realized. He was terrified.

“I already lost the kid. Don’t make me lose you, too.”

Holding his gaze as long as you could, you appreciate somewhere in the back of your mind that Mayfeld has been quiet for so long.

“You’re not going to lose me. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Mesh’la-”

“I kick ass, remember?” You tried to smile, but it was wobbly. The world began to swirl through unshed tears you tried to rapidly blink away. “I learned that from a good friend of mine. A good, good friend.” Lowering to your haunches, you took his helmet in your hands, tilting his forehead against yours. Swallowing a wave of emotion down, all you could manage was a whisper. “I learned that from you.”

Shuffling closer to him so your knees were touching his, you leaned into him a little harder, his forehead still firmly pressed to yours. “I need you to trust me. I need you to have a little faith, because I know I can do this. I need to do this. For the kid. And for me.”

Din took a deep breath in but you started talking again before he could. “No. This once, I need you to listen. I’ve done what you’ve asked since coming on the Crest, and before you start, I know, I know, you’re just trying to keep me and Gro-” You couldn’t say his name. Clearing your throat, you swallowed roughly before trying again. “To keep me and the kid safe. Now it’s my turn.”

With a sigh, Din slumped forward, his shoulders rounding in defeat. “I don’t like it.” He sighed again. “You’re right, but I don’t like it.”

“I’m sorry, did you just admit I was right?” Leaning back to look at his visor, you smirked. “Can I hear that again, a little louder please?”

Din groaned as he sat back in his chair. Bringing his hand up to rub his forehead in exasperation, he let his head thump back against the headrest then rolled it slowly to look at you. “No.”

You grinned at him. He wasn’t happy, but he was on board. Patting his knee, you pushed off of him to stand up. “Channel three. When you’re done and you need to know how to get out, channel three.”

Mayfeld kept glancing between the two of you and the road.

“What, di’kut?” You sighed, one side of your mouth quirking up when you saw Din’s shoulders shake in gentle laughter.

“Ah, nothin’,” he waved you off, returning his focus to the controls before glancing your way again. When he saw your quirked brow, he rolled his eyes. “You two together or somethin'?”

Neither you nor Din responded.

“No kiddin’!” He looked forward. “I was just joking, but,” he shrugged, “hey if it works, it works.” His fingers drummed against the controls. “The last person I had a sort of relationship with was a crazy Twi….” He grinned, his eyes darting toward Din briefly before returning to the road. “Then again, you were with her first, so what does that say about you?”

Din turned his visor on Mayfeld for the second time since getting in the vehicle. “It says the same thing that it says about you,” he grunted out. “Only difference is I corrected my mistake as fast as I could.” He turned slightly to glance at you before looking back at Mayfeld. “And luckily she was willing to make a mistake by choosing me.”

“Was it?” Mayfeld asked after a moment of silence passed, and you realized he was talking to you, face turned slightly your way to keep his eyes on the road. “A mistake?”

“I think it’s the easiest decision I ever made.”

Mayfeld huffed. “Stop dodging the question. Was it a mistake?”

“I don’t think you can make a mistake when you’re following what’s clearly the way to go.”

“Being shot at and, this is just me speculatin’ based on what I know of Mando, but spending days at a time in silence, hopping from planet to planet…. You sure that’s what you want?”

“No, that’s not what I want….” You grinned. “Good thing that’s not how it is.”

“Paint me a picture then.”

Din turned his head slightly to look at you, but didn’t say anything. He was curious what you had to say, too.

“We aren’t being shot at because we’re too busy shooting at them, for starters.” Mayfeld scoffed but you went on. “Some days I wish for silence, especially about hyperdrives, because get this man started,” you gestured to Din with your thumb, “and he won’t stop until he’s finished.” Din gently shook his head in amusement. “And as for planet hopping, yeah, that’s true. But I love that part. I’ve seen more in the last few months than in my entire life.”

“Is that it?” Mayfeld ribbed, looking over at Din quickly. “That’s all you’ve got going for you?”

You leaned over toward his chair, bracing your arms on the back near his head as you got close to his ear, talking in a low voice. “Not even close. But I don’t think that's any of your business now, is it?”

He swallowed roughly. “No, ma’am.”

You patted his shoulder lightly, making him flinch slightly as you smirked. “Good man.” Instead of standing back up in the back of the cab, you lingered near the back of his chair, leaning on your elbows on the headrest.

After a long moment Mayfeld turned to Din with wide eyes. “Look, Mando, I’m so sorry. Can we just forget about this? If I had known-”

“Would it have changed anything?” Din sighed.

Mayfeld turned back toward the road, eyes flitting between it and Din nervously. “Well no, but….” Din sighed again, making Mayfeld flounder. “Well, I would have been more sneaky about it, at least. I would have only done it behind your back, I value my life.”

Din turned to look at him slowly. “If you valued your life you would know it’s not me you have to worry about.”

Glancing up where you still leaned on his chair, Mayfeld’s mouth opened and closed wordlessly, hanging open when you finally spoke.

“Could you have been more sneaky about it with me, please? I’d rather not be privy to it either.” You didn’t bother to look down at him, staring out the viewport in boredom.

He slowly turned his head up to look at you. “Mandalorians are mean.” Shaking his head in disbelief he turned back to the road. “No, you know what? I have more to say. I….” He trailed off when he looked at you over his shoulder, spying your blaster hanging on your belt, a rifle taken from one of the drivers on your back, his eyes widening as they drifted up to find you floating a random manual hand tool from a compartment you’d found tucked beside you. He scoffed. “Oh, I’m so scared. What are you going to do, float me to death? Make me fly?” You smirked at him broadly, unhindered as the tool spun lazily above your palm. Flinching, he mumbled ‘I’m sorry’ rapidly a few times under his breath as he adjusted his weight in his seat. He faced forward again, clearing his throat before he spoke normally again. “Point taken.”

Letting the tool come to a stop, you set it back in the compartment it came from as you peered through the viewport, a small village coming into view. It reminded you of one of the first places you ever went with Din, the small town of Mos Pelgo on Tatooine.

Building’s barely bigger than the transport you were in lined the road for a short distance on either side, a handful of people milling around, going about their daily lives. While Mos Pelgo obviously had echoes of the Empire still clinging to its remote walls, this village was still steeped in Imperial influence.

No one looked happy, nothing looked cared for past the best of their abilities, which you knew was limited because of the chokehold the Empire kept them under.

Thinking of your time on Tatooine brought back memories of the kid, and any pleasant mood you’d found yourself in quickly began to melt away. Your stomach sank more as you watched Din’s head turn to watch a group of young children sitting on the edge of the road, his mind obviously somewhere along the same lines as yours.

Of course, Mayfeld couldn’t let the silence sit, but for once, you were thankful. It offered a distraction from the spiral you found yourself slipping into.

“Yeah. Empire, New Republic. It’s all the same to these people. Invaders on their land is all we are. I’m just sayin’, somewhere someone in this galaxy is ruling and others are being ruled. I mean, look at your race. Do you think all those people that died in wars fought by Mandalorians actually had a choice?” He looked over at Din, but when he didn’t actually get a reply, he went on. “So how are they any different than the Empire?” He scoffed. “Look. If you were born on Mandalore, you believe one thing, if you’re born on Alderaan, you believe somethin’ else. But guess what?” He reached out and softly tapped Din’s arm with the back of his hand. “Neither one of ‘em exist anymore.” Din actually turned to look at him, and he shrugged. “Hey. I’m just a realist. I’m a survivor, just like you.”

Din’s voice was low. “Let’s get one thing straight. You and I are nothing alike.”

“I don’t know. Seems to me like your rules start to change when you get desperate. I mean, look at ya. You said you couldn’t take your helmet off, and now you got a stormtrooper one on, so what’s the rule? Is it that you can’t take off your Mando helmet, or you can’t show your face? ‘Cause there is a difference.” When Din once again said nothing, Mayfeld went on, happy to continue talking. “Look, I’m just sayin’, we’re all the same. Everybody’s got their lines they don’t cross until things get messy.” He glanced at you over his shoulder, holding your gaze for a moment before his eyes fell to the floor then he turned back to the road and went on softly. “As far as I’m concerned, if you can make it through your day and still sleep at night, you’re doin’ better than most.”

The man’s voice clicked on over the comms of the transport again. “Control, this is Juggernaut Three. We might be comin’ up on some route interference…. Control, control! We need a new-” Blaster fire sounded over the comm before he was cut off by his own screams. They filled the cabin, bouncing off the walls of the small space before stopping all together.

Alarmed, Mayfeld sat up straighter, turning toward you then Din. “What was that?”

A female voice soon filled the cockpit, calm despite the situation. “Please stand by for reroute.”

No sooner was her voice gone than a giant fireball exploded not too far in the distance ahead of the transport.

“Juggernaut Four has been destroyed.” That same female voice, calm and collected once again announced.

Scooting forward in his seat, Mayfeld’s eyes were wide. “‘Destroyed’?”

You clutched the back of Din’s seat tightly, your fingers digging into the headrest as a wave of loss washed over you. Not for anyone you knew, but whatever had happened to cause that explosion, it sent a ripple through the Force, and almost brought you to your knees.

“Juggernaut Five, maintain speed and course. Proceed with caution-”

Mayfeld scoffed loudly, speaking over anything else the woman said. “‘Proceed with caution’? Is she serious?”

The man’s voice returned over the comm. “Control, this is Juggernaut Three. Requesting…. Abort! Abort!” Screaming once again filled the space, along with blaster fire over the comms, followed by another explosion, and this time you couldn’t help but lean forward with a small groan.

“What’s wrong?”

You waved Mayfeld off.

“Mesh’la?” Din wouldn’t let you push him away like you had your other companion. “Tell me. What’s wrong?”

Taking the rifle you’d taken from the original transport guards off your back, you tossed it to the side with a clatter. It suddenly felt too heavy. Too hot, like it was burning your skin. “I’m fine. It’s just…. Loss. So much loss. I didn’t expect to-” You stumbled as Mayfeld swerved to miss the fiery remains of a transport in the road, Din reaching out to try and stabilize you from his seat, and the rifle skittered across the floor.

A thud on the back right of the transport pulled all three sets of eyes in the cockpit that direction, Mayfeld deciding to stare that way instead of at the road as he barked, “What the hell was that?”

Din looked at the little screen showing a rear view of the vehicle. “Pirates. Keep driving. I’ll take care of it.” He got to his feet and lifted the window portion of his door up. Chatter in a language you didn’t recognize drifted in from the rear of the transport where Din aimed his blaster and began shooting.

Mayfeld kept looking between the road and the Mandalorian. “Are you seriously shooting a blaster near rhydonium?”

Din must have realized the risk because he stopped shooting and just watched before pulling back into the cockpit, closing the window before he headed to the ladder. “They have thermal detonators.”

“Terrific.” Mayfeld’s dry tone made your lips quirk up.

“Of course they do.”

“Just keep it steady.” Din started up the ladder, popping the hatch once he was at the top.

“Get these guys off us! Get ‘em off us!” Any calm, cool and collected Mayfeld had disappeared and was now replaced with frantic and chaotic Mayfeld.

At the top of the ladder Din looked down at you as you started to follow him up. “No.”

You scoffed. “That gets funnier every time, Mando.”

His top half outside of the hatch, he shot at one of the pirates, and it must have landed, the thermal detonator flying off with him and detonating, sending the back of the transport swaying from side to side precariously, and setting off all kinds of alarms. Mayfeld finally got them all back within normal ranges, the red readouts finally going green once again.

“They’re trying to blow the rhydonium,” Din called down.

Mayfeld rolled his eyes. “You think?” Then as an afterthought, “You should have left me in prison!”

Din started to come down, closing the hatch as he went, but stopped short when more shouts in that same alien language sounded from the back of the transport, opening it once again. Several impacts sounded as you assumed multiples of them landed on the vehicle, making Din spring into action, climbing back up.

He paused, looking down at you where you’d begun to climb the ladder once again. “Stay.”

Looking up at him with wide eyes, you just stared for a moment before proclaiming loudly, “I am not a tooka!” But he was already gone, out on the roof, so you crossed your arms and did as he asked.

One blaster shot went off followed by multiple clicks of a blaster failing. “Oh that is not a good sound.” You’d never scrambled up a ladder so fast. You got to your feet on the roof of the transport just in time to see Din throw the faulty blaster at the pirates.

In an almost comedic moment of silence, both Din and the pirates were frozen, staring at one another, then they all leapt into action at once, two of them trying to pry open a back compartment while the one in front charged Din.

They collided in just a few steps, Din reaching out and wrestling the staff out of his enemy’s hands, using it to knock him forward with a well placed swat to the back. The pirate stumbled towards you, and you tried to step out of the way just as Din kicked him in the lower back, sending him careening the rest of the way to you. The pirate tripped over your foot that was a split second too slow getting out of the way and rolled down the front of the transport, under the wheels, making the vehicle bump violently as it ran over him.

You and Din met each other’s gaze in silence.

“Well,” you said finally. “That went well.”

Din groaned, rolling his head as he turned back to the remaining pirates.

Closing the distance between you, following him to the end of the transport, you went on, “See? You need me.”

Din turned to look toward the front of the vehicle when it hit a large bump, blocking your view of the back, and neither of you saw the pirate coming up behind him until he was smashing Din’s left pauldron with his staff, then the vambrace, making Din drop to his knee. When the pirate went to strike again, Din reached out with his left hand to catch the staff, and you took the chance to strike, punching the thug in the face.

The pirate began to wobble, looking up at the sky like he was seeing stars in the middle of the day, and Din took the opportunity, letting go of the weapon with his left hand and instead using that arm like a bar, bracing it against the thug, his other hand flipping the body up and over his shoulder, and off of the transport.

There was one left.

Reaching down to pick up the staff the last one had dropped, you flipped it in your hand to face the right way. “Hey, Mando.”

He turned to you, catching the staff when you tossed it to him, orienting it properly, then throwing it at the remaining pirate. It hit its mark, leaving the roof of the transport trespasser free.

The pirates on their little hovercraft following along behind let out a war cry.

Din turned toward the hatch, calling down to your reluctant travel companion. “Mayfeld! Pick it up. Drive faster!”

The transport lurched as Mayfeld did as he was asked, Din reaching out to help stabilize you with a hand on your elbow, and you did the same, both of you stumbling closer to one another.

“It looks like they had the same idea,” you yelled, watching as the hovercraft quickly closed the small distance you’d gained. Soft alarms blaring from the cockpit got your attention, and you took a few steps toward the hatch. “What’s going on?”

Mayfeld answered quickly, “I don’t think faster’s a good idea!”

Din tilted his head at you from where he was standing further from the hatch, as if to ask what was said.

Lowering to your haunches by the top of the hatch, you repeated, “It’s not a good idea!”

As Mayfeld slowed the transport down, it lurched once again, sending you leaning precariously, and you had to rise to your feet to get the better of the momentum pushing you toward Din.

“What are you doing?” The Mandalorian barked toward the hatch.

“Bad, bad idea,” you reiterated under your breath, catching sight of the pirate ship closing the last few feet left between them and the transport.

Din readied himself, lowering into a fight stance, sending his fist into the gut of the first pirate who approached before moving onto the next.

The momentum sent the pirate hurtling toward you, and without thinking, you slid between his legs and popped up behind him, elbowing him in the kidney like Din had taught you - well, you hoped that’s where his kidney was, they weren’t humans, but they were humanoid - and it sent him stumbling further forward.

“Get down! Down and right!”

You didn’t think twice, just did what Din said, side stepping to the right and ducking your head, and not a second later the pirate was on the ground after Din had smashed one of the staves over his head.

“Don’t you have a blaster? And what about your knife?”

You grinned. “Now where’s the fun in that?”

Out of nowhere, Din turned and punched a pirate in the face, but the one he’d knocked out in front of you was back on his feet and tackled him from behind, knocking him to the ground. As he tried to get up, the one he’d punched swung their staff at Din, and he was just able to avoid it. When they tried again, he ducked, and they ended up hitting the other pirate square in the face, each reaching out for the other to avoid falling. Once Din got back to his feet, he headbutted the one with the staff, and elbowed a third, turning to punch the one that had knocked him over off the transport.

He turned to the side and couldn’t see you. “Mesh’la!”

“I’m right here!” You yelled from right behind him, making him whirl around, sighing in relief. “I have to get out of sight. We’re getting close to the base. They’ll notice someone out of uniform.”

He nodded. “Go. I’ve got this.”

Your eyes went wide. “Duck!”

As he dropped to the ground in front of you, a staff came hurtling through the air, narrowly missing him even in his crouched state. Leaning back out of the way, you avoided being hit yourself, pulled it out of the ground by your feet, and charged the pirate quickly closing in on you. Whacking him in the head once, you spun to avoid a vibrio blade he pulled, bringing the staff down on his hand to make him drop it. Spinning the other way, you swiped the staff against his legs, knocking them out from under him and sweeping him down onto his back with a thud. As he tried to scramble back up, scooting back on his elbows and pushing with his feet, you stood up and gave him a shove with the staff, sending him flying off the edge of the transport.

Turning to Din, your eyes wide, you rolled your head sarcastically. “Yeah. You’ve got this. Clearly!”

Before he could get to his feet, a pirate came up behind him, grabbed him, and flipped him onto his back, holding his head over the edge of the vehicle.

“Where are you all coming from?!” You grumbled.

You took a few steps toward Din, but he stopped you, pointing behind you as he struggled against his captors. Turning, you saw a lone pirate prying open the rhydonium storage at the end of the transport and setting a thermal detonator.

You sighed. “It never ends.”

Din started struggling more and headbutting, one of his captors going flying over the edge, so you focused on the lone man at the end.

Breaking into a sprint, you closed the distance in a few quick strides, using the Force for a little extra and launching, taking the pirate down like you did the guard on Corvus, wrapping your legs around his shoulders and using the momentum to pull him down. Grabbing the thermal detonator in the process, you sent the pirate flying with a kick to the back and threw the detonator after him.

The fireball sent each hovercraft into another explosion, a chain reaction of heat making the transport veer wildly.

The blast sent you and Din back, both of you landing in a heap of limbs, you against his chest. “I’m so glad you’re not in beskar right now. That would hurt.”

He was groaning. “I had it under control.”

You rolled your eyes. “Obviously.”

“Uh, Mando, I gotta stop. I can’t cross at this speed.” Oh yeah. You’d forgotten about Mayfeld.

Din was pushing you to your feet just as more hovercrafts appeared, all of the pirates clicking on their thermal detonators and letting out war cries. “Go. Go!”

You pushed his hands away from you. “I’m not leaving you!”

Grabbing your wrists, he stopped you, and made you look at him straight on. “No, you’re not. Now go.”

Nodding, you pulled back toward the hatch, taking one final look toward Din over the edge before you’d let yourself drop back in.

He sighed and stood up, lowering into a fight stance just as green streaks rained down from the sky, making him jump and duck his head, the scream of TIE fighters following soon after.

You ducked into the cockpit as the TIEs flew overhead, turning to watch them through the viewport.

Mayfeld let out a cry of triumph, pumping his fist in the air. “Whoo!”

“Woah, woah, hands on the controls, di’kut.” You patted his shoulder condescendingly, grinning at his annoyed glare shot your way that quickly melted into a grin to match your own.

As the base loomed large in front of the transport, you peered up at its massive walls, swarms of troopers pouring out of every opening to aid in the recovery of their haul. Melting back into the shadows of the cab, you watched troopers of all types manifest before your eyes.

Din dropped down beside you. Making his way to his seat slowly, his movement stilted, he groaned with each step, and let out one long moan when he finally sat.

Mayfeld looked at all the troopers with awe. “Never thought you’d be happy to see stormtroopers.” Maintaining his cover, he offered them a salute.

“Never thought they’d be able to hit something.”

Both men chuckled at your response, Din moaning with the effort.

Reaching out you put a hand on the back of Din’s shoulder to keep your hand concealed to anyone looking through the viewport, focusing on his pain, his injuries, letting your energy flow into him and pulling on the negative energy radiating out of every wound. You could feel him slowly relaxing as each bruise healed, skin knit back together, and bones found their way back to their original positions.

Until his breath hitched in his chest. “That’s new,” he mumbled lowly.

“Ahsoka mentioned it while you were sleeping. Explained how Gr- the kid did it, so I thought I’d try. Never quite been able to, but I’ve been practicing. Especially since…. Since he….” You swallowed roughly. “Since Tython.” Patting his shoulder once, you withdrew your hand, stepping further back in the cockpit. “Something clicked.”

Pressing all the way to the back of the cab, you mumbled into the earpiece, “We’re in. I’ll let you know when I’m at the top. Have to wait for a clear spot to get out of here and then find a disguise.”

Boba’s voice came back all business. “Copy that.”

“Got it. We’re in position, ready when you are,” Fennec added.

As the transport pulled into the base, you tucked back into the shadows of the cockpit. Pulling on something you’d never thought to try before, you manipulated the air around you to make you only appear as a shadow to anyone taking a closer look. It seemed to be working as one stormtrooper did a double take, looking right at you before moving on, satisfied that he’d only seen a trick of the light.

Din pretended to be fiddling with something between him and Mayfeld, messing with his armor, and taking a step closer to you as his companion disembarked the vehicle to rounds of applause. He looked right at you, standing directly in front of you and reaching beside your head with his right hand to fiddle with a panel, appearing busy to anyone looking in. He was too smart to be fooled by your shadow play, able to see you plainly, tilting his head slightly when you looked up to meet his gaze through the trooper helmet.

“I’m assuming you’re doing something so they can’t see you?”

You nodded. Concealing your form was one thing. Hiding your voice was another.

“Will you be able to maintain it?”

You only hesitated a moment before nodding, but he caught it, and sighed heavily.

“Mesh’la….”

Opening your eyes wide, pleading with him to trust you, you reached just a little further, speaking into his mind for only a moment.

“Everything will be fine, Din.” His breath caught in his chest at the sound of your voice in his head. “I can do this. Now go and find the kid.”

Din leaned forward just enough to touch his forehead to yours briefly, making your breath hitch.

“Do that again when you’re back in beskar. This is just…. Weird.”

He chuckled softly at your voice once again lilting into his consciousness. When he pulled back, withdrawing his hand from the panel beside you, he lightly trailed gloved fingers over the top of your shoulder and down through the ends of your hair. “I’m gonna go find our kid,” he mumbled. “Don’t get caught.”

Our kid. I’m gonna go find our kid. Our.

You couldn’t help the grin pulling up the corners of your mouth. “See you at the end, Tin Can.”

Xxx

It didn’t take long for the crowd to disperse once Din disembarked the transport. They all moved around Mayfeld and the Mandalorian as one body, congratulating them on a job well done for the Empire, giving you ample room to slip out unnoticed and make it to a dark corner, still using the Force to help conceal your presence.

It was the same principle as causing misdirection with sound, only this was misdirection with visual cues, causing shadows and light to bend a little differently than they normally would, making a person's mind fill in the blanks with something they expected to see instead of what they actually saw.

Not difficult to do, but a long one to maintain. Which is why you needed to find a disguise fast. You had already felt a large drain when you had healed Din, plus all the little things to show off and mess with Mayfeld, your battery was starting to run on low…. But there wasn’t time for that. You couldn’t stop, not until Grog- the kid was safe.

You’d almost said his name.

For the third time today alone you’d almost said his name.

Sure, when you were with other people, it was fine, you could distract yourself, forget about it, and move on.

But by yourself….

By yourself, here, in the camp of the enemy that held him…. With nowhere to hide and no one to hide behind, no one who understood, or tried to and said they did….

That made everything bubble up in you all over again, everything you had been working so hard to tamp down, to ignore for days…. It was just under the surface again, and it was angry.

Suddenly a new wave of energy washed over you, and you felt your jaw set determinedly.

This was for the ki-

For Grogu.

Let’s go.

You saw someone walking nearby. Stepping into their path, you held your ground when they stopped, pulling their gaze up to meet yours. "I need your help.” The woman looked alarmed, her face quickly screwing into anger when she realized you weren’t base personnel. Reaching out, you put a hand on her shoulder. "Stay calm."

"I'm calm." Her voice was monotonous, her features flat as she fell under your suggestion.

"You're going to show me a supply closet with uniforms then forget you saw me."

"I'm going to-"

"Now!'

"Now."

Boba began laughing over the comm in your ear as you followed the soldier with your head down. “Oh, that's gotta come in handy. Have a few people I need you to meet….”

You rolled your eyes.

In just a few short steps you were at the supply closet, about to send the officer on her way with no memory of your encounter. But then you realized all of the spare uniforms were troopers, none with a high enough ranking to get you where you needed. Turning to the woman, you saw her high level clearance badge and made a split second decision.

“Get in the closet.”

She did what you asked without question.

“I need to borrow your uniform and clearance card.”

The tiny space, close quarters, the unneeded pressure on you knowing their exit counted on you getting a coat…. Everything started to spin slowly.

The officer wasn’t moving quickly enough for you. “Hurry!”

Your control must have slipped in your haste, because the officer suddenly stopped, shaking her head as if to clear a fog, and looked at you with wide eyes. After a short stare off she reached for her comm, but only was able to click it on briefly. “This is Officer Leraay! I need help in the supply closet on level one! I repeat, I need-”

But she stopped, dropping the comm and suddenly clawing at her throat with eyes wide as she gasped for air. It wasn’t until her wild gaze fell on you that you realized you were the one causing her to choke.

“Officer Leraay? Are you there? Which supply closet, there are a few….” The comm buzzed a muffled reply on the floor.

Leaning close to the officer's face, you spoke quickly and quietly. “I’m going to stop, and you’re going to tell them it was a false alarm.”

The officer's eyes were defiant, but she nodded.

Releasing whatever hold you hadn’t even realized you’d had on her, she gasped for air, scooping down to pick up the comm. “F-” she coughed wildly. “False alarm. The door was ajar on closet three, I thought we had some mischief makers, but I checked it out. All’s well.”

“Want me to send backup to guard the door in case it was someone and you just scared them off for now?”

Officer Leraay looked into your eyes confidently once again. “Yes. Please do. Long live the Empire.”

The comm clattered to the floor as she reached to grab at your forearm that was now wrapped around her neck from behind. She scrambled against your chokehold, gasping for air, and…. Laughing?

“You rebels are so….” She grunted. “So stupid. It’ll never work.”

“I’m not a rebel,” you hissed in her ear. “I’m a bartender.”

You let her fall to the floor in a heap when she finally passed out. “And it’s working just fine.”

Fennec’s laugh filled your ear. “Wait, that story you told Mayfeld was true? You’re actually a bartender?”

Pulling the uniform off the officer, you sighed. “Yup. Born and raised on Coruscant, and worked in that bar since before I was old enough to legally serve alcohol.”

“You owe me a drink sometime. It’s been a while since I’ve had an honest to goodness drink I didn’t want to throw in someone’s face instead of enjoy.”

“You got it,” you huffed, pulling on the regulation cap. Poking your head out of the door and checking both ways, you mumbled as you started down the hallway, “I almost said Mandalorian instead of bartender.”

“Why didn’t you?” Boba’s voice made your steps falter for a moment before you pressed on, turning left to go up a set of stairs.

“Uh, because I’m not?” Stopping at a dead end with two options to turn, you sighed. “I need directions. Left or right?”

A moment passed as the beep of the holo projector sounded from Boba’s end. “Left.” Turning that way, another set of stairs appeared and you took them, winding up higher and higher toward the roof. “What makes someone a Mandalorian? Beskar? You’ve got that. A signet? Got that, too. A clan? A purpose? Tenacity? A sense of honor and a Creed?”

“You can stop anytime….” Another dead end. “These bases are laid out like a womp rat’s brain…. Left again?”

“Right.” You started to turn to the left but pulled up short when Boba huffed in amusement. “No, right.” Rolling your eyes with a sigh, you turned and went the opposite way.

Boba chuckled softly to himself, mumbling about your womp rat's brain comment. Some more beeps. “This right, then another, then stay straight until you see another staircase and that one will take you to the roof.” You nodded even though he couldn’t see you, walking past a group of stormtroopers. “I’m just listing things I know about you, ad’ika.”

Turning the next right, you came face to face with two troopers guarding the door to the hallway you needed, making you pull back and lean against the corner you just came around, your head thumping back against the wall. “Hang on. Gotta take care of something.” Adjusting the uniform, you held your head high and went to walk straight through the doorway.

“Halt.” One of the troopers held out a hand, stopping you from going any further. “Authorized personnel only.”

You scoffed. “I’m aware, trooper. Which is why I’m trying to get through. I am authorized personnel.”

“Gonna need to see some ID. Chain code?”

Nodding, you went to lift your arm for him to scan, but right as he brought the scanner down, you twisted and gripped his forearm, turning your body and slamming your back into his chest.

He hit the wall next to the door with thud, his armor letting out an exaggerated hiss from the impact, almost a high pitched whine, and it made the corner of your mouth quirk up briefly. The trooper let out an oomph but it was cut short when you flipped him over like Din had the pirate you’d punched on top of the transport, and he landed at your feet in a moaning pile of limbs.

“Stop!” The other trooper was shouting, aiming and taking shots with his blaster, but thoroughly missing you every time.

“Knew it was too good to be true,” you mumbled as his fifth shot ricocheted off the wall feet from your head, the next two bouncing safely away from your sides as he continued to miss from mere steps away.

Flicking the blaster out of his hand with a wave of your own, you turned on him, pushing him back into the wall and keeping him pinned there with an unseen force.

As the first trooper tried to get up, drawing his blaster, you swiped it from his hand before whacking him on the back of the head with the butt of the weapon, and sending him crashing to the floor in an unconscious heap.

Turning to his friend still struggling against the wall, you got close to his face. “Are there any more guards stationed on the way to the roof?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Oh great, a personality.” You pressed him further into the wall, taking a step closer yourself. “Are there any more guards?”

“I-”

“Ah-ah-ah,” you scolded playfully, a sly smile turning up your features as you wagged a finger in front of his helmet in admonishment. “Be completely honest, now.”

“I will be completely honest,” he droned.

You gestured for him to continue after a moment of silence. “Go on.”

“No.”

Smiling sweetly at the trooper, you nodded once in approval. “Thank you.”

Releasing your hold on him, he slumped down the wall, stumbling forward and leaving himself perfectly open for you to reach out and smash him in the back of the head with the butt of the blaster like you had the first, sending him down beside his friend.

“Are you done?” Boba’s dry tone made you roll your eyes.

“Would you have done better?” He chuckled at your sarcasm. Getting back to the conversation from before, you tugged the troopers just out of sight then continued down the hallway. “I have no Creed, old man.”

“I’m not that ol-” He sighed heavily, making you grin as he went on. “You’ve sworn to protect your Mandalorian and that child, have you not?”

You stayed silent, taking the last turn and set of stairs.

“As I thought.” Boba’s amused tone made the corner of your mouth twitch up. “You’ve sworn your own Creed. You are Mandalorian. Just like the shiny one said.”

Fennec chimed in quietly, her tone smug. “You’re also more than a Mandalorian to Mando, but that’s another discussion we don’t have time for right now.”

“She has all the time in the world. She just has to make it to the roof. Please, go on.”

Their quiet laughter filled your ear as you took the last hallway, staying straight and flying up the last set of stairs. “Now guys? Really? Can we do group therapy later?”

They just kept laughing, making you shake your head as you pushed open the door to the roof. “I’m on top.”

“Is it clear?”

“It’s about to be,” you mumbled, pulling off the officer’s uniform and rolling your shoulders once you were back to your base layers, glad to be back to yourself.

“Can you do this without any weapons?”

“Oh, absolutely, old man. The question is, what will you give me?”

“Won’t you simply enjoy the pride of a job well done?”

“No,” you said simply, kicking the uniform to the side. “I need-”

Alarms started blaring around the base, a male voice monotonously announcing over the speakers, “Security to main commons. Security to main commons.”

Heaving a heavy sigh, you let your forehead fall onto your forearms where they were braced on the wall you crouched behind. “Really guys?”

“How do you know it wasn’t someone finding the troopers you left behind that set off the alarm?”

Slinking up behind a group of troopers who still hadn’t scrambled into anything resembling a formation, you got close to the nearest one, tapping him on the shoulder. “When I get back on your ship,” you punched the trooper when he turned around, dropping him to the ground. “I’m going to hold you down,” sticking out your right leg you swiped the legs of the trooper next to the first before he could react, “and show you how a bartender expresses annoyance.” Pulling your arm back forcefully, you elbowed the trooper trying to sneak up on you, sending him to the ground.

Boba laughed. “Can’t wait.”

Another trooper got the jump on you, wrapping his arms around you from behind and keeping yours pinned at your sides. You tried to shrug out of his hold, but it wasn’t working. Reaching your leg up you twisted just enough to pull your knife out of your boot and swipe at the troopers forearms. He recoiled with a yelp, letting you go and you whirled around to face him, blinking rapidly when he dropped suddenly.

Fennec’s soft voice came over your comm. “You’re welcome.”

You never even heard the shot. How far away were they?

“Thanks,” you mumbled, tucking the knife back in your boot. “Now, old man, back to what I was saying.”

“You mean threatening?”

“Did Mando ever tell you about the time I blew up an alley?”

“That’s not a threat, nau ki’bas’ika, that’s amusing.” (“Little light bug.”)

Growling in aggravation, you charged another trooper, taking him down like the last pirate on the transport. It was your new favorite move, and it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Din kept making comments about it. Nothing at all, you thought with a smirk.

Leaping into the air at the last minute, you wrapped your legs around his shoulders, pulled him down, took his blaster and flipped it to stun before you dropped another three troopers nearby.

“That still counts as a weapon.”

“No. No, it’s not one of mine so it doesn’t count.”

“That makes no sense, nau ki’bas’ika, but okay. By those rules you used your knife, so….” He tisked.

“Kriff,” you muttered, throwing the blaster on the ground out of the reach of the troopers. “Dank farrik.”

“What? What did I miss?” Din’s voice crackling over the comm made you stop in your tracks, everything else falling away as you focused on the sounds of his breathing. It was labored, there was blaster fire, and Mayfeld was screeching like a drowning Wookie, but they were alive. “Mesh’la?”

“Nothing. Everything.” You smiled. “I’ll fill you in later.”

“Your little riddur has just lost a bet,” Boba explained gleefully. (“Partner.”)

Another shot whizzed by you, making you spin to follow the bolt, a trooper dropping mere feet away from you. “South wall, halfway up.”

“Fennec!” You cried exasperatedly. “Thank you, again, but can you give me a little warning please?”

“Don’t keep getting caught, then.” It sounded like she was trying not to laugh. “Drop.”

You did as she said with a groan of annoyance, ignoring the chuckle she finally let loose as a trooper thudded on the hard ground right beside you.

“They’re like bugs! Where are they all coming from?!”

“Stay down.”

You’d begun to get up but dropped back onto your stomach, covering your head with your hands. Several shots fired in succession, then silence. Turning to look over your shoulder, you thought better of it and stopped, shaking your head as you got back to your feet. “I’m not even gonna look.”

“You’re welcome…. Again.”

“Yeah, yeah, I owe you a drink, Fennec, I know.”

“A good one.”

“The best.”

All the joking fell out of her tone. “We’re on. Start your run.”

The beeps of the console and the engine firing up filled your ear as Boba confirmed, “On my way.”

“Fennec, you and Cara focus on them. I’ve got it covered up here.”

“Well, we’ve got it covered down here,” Din’s voice countered.

“Too bad, Tin Can. Fennec, help them.”

“Sorry, Mando. She’s promised me a drink.”

Din groaned in understanding. “Can’t argue with that.”

“Sorry you didn’t get to take the quiet way out,” you offered Din, running to the edge of the roof.

He huffed out a laugh. “That’s okay. We’re taking the scenic route.”

“The scenic route?!” Mayfeld’s voice boomed in your ear, making you wince. “Was this always the plan? Because I was not included in these discussions.”

“Oh, you mean like I wasn’t included in that whole thing you just pulled down there in the main commons?” Din’s tone was dry.

Mayfeld chuckled nervously. “Look, I got us out in one piece, didn’t I?”

“That’s still being proven,” you mumbled. Helping Din and Mayfeld up over the edge onto the roof, you all ducked when a new wave of troopers began shooting at your small group.

One of the troopers tried to sneak around to the side but was quickly dropped by your friends sniping on the ridge.

“Osik! Di’kut!” You hissed. (“Shit!”) (“Idiot!”)

Mayfeld turned to you. “What?”

You looked at him wide eyed. “Oh. Sorry, no I-” you waved your hands as you explained, ducking further below the outcropping the three of you had dodged behind as more shots bounced off the top. “I meant ‘shit, these troopers are idiots’.”

He nodded. “Oh.” Then shook his head and stared at you. “What?”

It took you a second, but you stood up once the blaster fire slowed, running for the edge when you heard Boba’s ship approaching. “Have I ever mentioned how smart you are?”

Mayfeld’s steps stuttered. “Huh?”

You stared at the tree line far below with wide eyes before schooling your features and turning back to face him. “Yeah! Mando mentioned you thought of that plan to stall in the main commons. Brilliant move, di’kut. Brilliant.”

He smiled. “Oh, you liked that, huh?”

You turned back toward the edge as Boba’s ship flew over, the ramp lowering. “Mmmm…. It was a plan.” Running at a full sprint, you stepped up onto the edge and leapt across the gap onto the lowered ramp of Boba’s ship.

Turning once you found your footing, you held out a hand toward the two men, yelling over the roar of the engines. “Jump! I’ve got you!”

Din was the first to jump across, not even hesitating.

And to his credit, neither did Mayfeld, but he did let out a terrified yell the whole way across. Din helped him up and further into the ship as Boba began to fly off.

Mayfeld paused, turning back to the base with a haunted look before motioning toward Din. “Hand me that cycler rifle.”

You knew that look on Mayfeld’s face. You saw it every time you looked in any reflective surface lately. He was fighting his demons.

Din handed him the rifle leaning just inside Boba’s ship, and looked at you with a shrug.

You watched as a Mayfeld lifted the rifle, braced it against his shoulder, and took aim.

With a single shot he took out one of the transports filled with rhydonium parked on the roof, making it explode in a ball of fire and causing a chain reaction that left the base in flames.

“Nice shot,” Fennec mused in your ear, and you could hear Cara’s bewildered hum of agreement from somewhere beside her.

Mayfeld turned to head into the ship, pausing in front of Din and meeting his visor. “We all need to sleep at night.”

Din turned to face you, finding you staring down at the base with your arms crossed over your chest. “Come on, mesh’la. We need to go and strap in.”

“It’s my fault.”

He took a step closer, his chest brushing along your shoulder. “What do you mean?”

“The officer I got the uniform from, I…. I knocked her out, left her in a closet. Now with the base going up, I…. She may have gotten out if she wasn’t unconscious, or at least had the chance to run, but because of me…. If I hadn’t….”

“Hey, get your asses in here and strapped down.” Mayfeld yelled to be heard over the roar of the wind rushing around the open ramp. “They’ll be sending TIE fighters soon.”

Turning, you walked side by side with Din, his hand on your lower back as you went to the first two available seats, Din beside Mayfeld and you across from both of them, quickly strapping in.

Boba’s voice came over the comms, “We got company.” Alarms were blaring. “Hang on.”

As the ship took a sharp turn, Din grunted, his arms flailing comically in the abrupt gravity shift.

“It’s not your fault,” he ground out.

“What’s not?” Mayfeld asked.

“She thinks that if the guard she got the uniform from dies in the fire you set because she was unconscious and unable to move, that it was her fault.”

Mayfeld turned to you with knit brows, groaning as Boba took another sharp turn. “No, no, that’s all me. It would be my fault. I set the fire.”

“But I-”

“Doesn’t matter,” he cut you off. “It’s mine. You can’t take it from me. I own that.” The ship evened out, and he sighed in relief. “You worry about that little green guy. Yeah, him and brown eyes over here.” He jerked his head toward Din. “Let me worry about that other stuff.”

“Brown eyes, huh?” You narrowed your brows at Din.

“I’ll explain later,” he said so lowly you barely heard him.

Xxx

You stayed in the main area of the ship, reattaching your weapons to your belt while Din and Mayfeld changed back into their own clothes.

Of course Mayfeld was ready long before Din was, since he didn’t have all the armor to put back on. He sidled up to you with a small smile, watching you polish your blaster before seating it back in its holster.

You opened your mouth to say something but stopped and shook your head.

“What?” He asked curiously.

“No, no, never mind.” You waved him off.

“What?” He laughed over the words. “What is it?”

“You said you didn’t want to hear Mando’a ever again.”

“Yeah, well,” he shrugged and rolled his eyes, “it’s grown on me.”

You grinned. “Burc'ya vaal burk'yc, burc'ya veman.” He narrowed his eyebrows at you. “You want me to translate?” (“A friend during danger is a true friend.”)

He thought for a moment, looking down at the ground before he smiled. “Nah.” Pulling his eyes up to yours, it was the first truly friendly, open, and honest expression you’d seen on his face since meeting him days ago. “Nah, I’m good.” He leaned in closer to you, his voice lowering near a whisper. “I think I get the gist.” Standing up straight, Mayfeld’s face took on a mischievous look. “Hey, Mando! Your girl here just professed her undying love for me!” Sending a wink your way, Mayfeld was grinning from ear to ear.

“Yeah?” Mando called from around the corner where he was still attaching his armor.

“Yeah! What are ya gonna do about it?”

“Well….” He came around the corner, adjusting his vambraces. “Killing you sounds like the obvious first step.”

“Me?” Mayfeld asked in shock. “What about her?”

Din shrugged. “Everybody makes mistakes.”

Glowering at Mayfeld, you reached out and shoved his shoulder. “That’s the last time I’m nice to you.”

“No, don’t say that,” he grinned, starting down the ramp. He paused, turning to face you one more time. “But, just…. Will you answer me one thing that’s been bothering me?”

You sighed. “I’ll try.”

“Why’s the little green guy so important to you? I mean besides him?” Mayfeld pointed at Din.

“She’s his buir,” Boba said, walking past from the cockpit and down the ramp. He paused halfway down, turning to clarify, “He’s her son.” (“Mother.”)

Mayfeld’s head snapped back from Boba to you, looking you up and down quickly, eyes wide. “Your…. Are you a changeling or somethin’?”

Boba came back in, hooked a finger inside the front of Mayfeld’s shirt and dragged him down the ramp.

“So how old are you really? ‘Cause I could have sworn….” Mayfeld trailed off when Boba turned to him with an arched brow. “….that you didn’t look a day over….” The second brow shot up. “….the weather is great here, isn’t it?”

“I take it back,” you mumbled, watching Boba pull him down the ramp. “There may be some disagreement over whether it’s Cara or Boba that ends up doing him in.”

As his voice trailed off once they were near the bottom of the ramp, you turned to Din. “Why’d he call you brown eyes?”

Din sighed the heaviest sigh you’d ever seen him give. “I had to remove my helmet for the scanner to scan my face.” He just stared at your wide eyed expression before he went on. “Then one of the higher ranking officers roped us into drinks before I could get it back on. To cover for me, Mayfeld said everyone just called me brown eyes.” He saw the smile starting to turn up your face, and held up a finger in warning. “No. Don’t even start.”

“Oh, yes. That’s going into my rotation.” You reached out to place your hand on his forearm. “But, Din…. You showed your face. What does that mean?”

“I…. I don’t know. Technically the machine isn’t a living being, so it doesn’t count, and if you want all the loopholes, it wasn’t my helmet, all the others who saw me are dead-”

“Except Mayfeld.”

“I can fix that.” His hand went to his blaster.

You laughed. Really laughed, head tossed back and eyes shut for the first time in weeks. “No, Din.”

He groaned in annoyance. “He handed me the helmet back at the end and told me he never saw my face, so I guess I owe him, anyway.”

Both of you started down the ramp. “So how were drinks with an Imp?”

Din grunted, making you laugh. “Didn’t even get to finish my drink.”

You smirked, thinking back to all the times at the bar he’d slide you his drink when his contact would never show. “That’s nothing new.”

Cara was talking to Mayfeld a few feet from the bottom of the ramp.

“The saber get you?” Cara laughed.

Mayfeld just blinked at her. “What saber? Did you see the look she gave me? Also, she must be a changeling, because scary green Mando said-”

Cara whacked him on the back of the head. “She’s a Jedi, you idiot.”

“Oh, great, a Mandalorian and a wizard. What a lovely couple.”

“Gets the job done,” you mumbled close to his ear, making him jump in surprise. “And no, I’m not a changeling, di’kut. Not all families are made. Some are found.”

Nodding, Mayfeld turned to Din. “Well, looks like it’s back to the scrap heap.”

Din sighed. “Thank you for helping.”

Mayfeld turned to you, pointing at the Mandalorian. “You’re good for him. Keep doing whatever it is you’re doing. You make him better.” He looked back at Din with a grin, lifting his hand to scratch at the back of his neck. “Yeah. Uh, good luck gettin’ your kid back.” Turning to Cara with a smirk, he held out his hands cupped together like they were bound. “All right, Officer, take me back.”

Cara’s expression was tight as she studied him for a moment. “That was some nice shootin’ back there.”

Arching a brow at Cara, you made your way back up the ramp, leaning on the opening at the top like you had at the junkyard.

“Oh, you saw that? Yeah, that, uh, that wasn’t part of the plan.” He shrugged, a pleased grin tugging up one side of his mouth. “I, uh…. I was just gettin’ some stuff off my chest.”

Letting out a huff through her nose, Cara rolled her eyes as she turned to face Din, making it look like the sarcastic movement of her eyes had set her body in motion. “You know, it’s too bad Mayfeld didn’t make it out alive back there.”

Din nodded. “Yeah, too bad.”

Looking between them, Mayfeld looked alarmed. “What are you talkin’ about?”

Cara glanced at him and sighed heavily before trying again, her tone tight as she spelled it out. “Looked to me like prisoner number three-four-six-six-seven died in the refinery explosion on Morak.”

His eyes shot open wide. “Does that mean I can go?” He looked between them. “Huh? ‘Cause I will.”

You started laughing softly before yelling at him playfully. “Oh, get out of here already!”

Mayfeld turned to look at you, grinning at your raised eyebrows before turning back to the other two, and taking a step back when Din jerked his head to the side to motion him away. “All right. Okay.” He chuckled, walking gingerly at first, as if they would take it all back, then his steps turned stilted for a few strides before he broke into a brisk walk. He looked over his shoulder once, meeting your gaze with a confident grin as he came to a stop. “Bye, mesh’la.”

Din took a step toward him, hand on his blaster, making Mayfeld take another quick step away, holding his hands up in surrender as he smirked.

“I’m goin’, I’m goin’.” Looking at you one more time, he winked, then turned and started walking quickly again.

“Bye, di’kut,” you called after him.

He froze, shaking his head gently, but didn’t turn around, just kept going and disappeared over the ridge.

You turned toward Din, finding him looking at you with his head tilted in question. “What? You know what it means.” You smirked, pushing off the wall and heading into the ship. “He still doesn’t.” Laughter began to bubble out of your chest. “But I wish I could be there when he finally does figure it out. I would pay good money to see the look on his face.” You walked past Fennec. “Now about that drink I owe you….”

Xxx

It was the end of the whole mission. You had the coordinates, and were on your way through hyperspace to recruit more help.

But for now, you just needed to rest your eyes…. Just for a moment…. All the little uses of the Force today had caught up with you, and the physical exertion of fighting a wave of troopers….

“We’re recording,” Boba said softly, pushing a button on the small control panel Din had been sitting at on the way to Morak.

You let your eyes drift shut as you listened to Din’s voice while he recorded his message to Gideon. His threat to Gideon. His promise.

“Moff Gideon. You have something I want. You may think you have some idea what you are in possession of, but you do not. Soon, he will be back with me. He means more to me than you will ever know.”

Xxx

Turning, you strode out of the cantina, ignoring Din’s calls at your back.

“Mesh’la!”

Finally a gloved hand wrapped around your elbow, pulling you to a stop, but not before you ripped your arm out of his hold.

Rounding on him, you turned to stare at his visor with a flat expression. “What?”

But you found no one there. Instead you were in a black void, surrounded by mist creeping in all around, the thick haze closing in on all sides as you turned to try and find a way of escape.

As the fog curled around you, its tendrils wrapping around like fingers, it took on a soft green glow, and a faint hum you couldn’t quite place filled the air.

It dawned on you just as the haze parted to show you a tiny little silhouette you’d recognize anywhere.

A saber. The hum was a saber.

“Kid!” You called, running toward the shadow, but just as you reached him, bending down to scoop him up, the figure evaporated into more green mist, falling through your fingertips as you stared at your empty hands.

A gloved hand on your shoulder pulled your attention away. You turned to Din, but you wouldn’t look up. Somehow you knew his helmet was off, so you screwed your eyes shut and kept your face turned down just to be safe.

“Open your eyes, mesh’la.”

You’d heard his voice unmodulated many times, but for some reason, this time it caught you off guard, and you couldn’t find the words to respond.

You pulled away just a bit, mouth opening and closing but nothing came out. Your eyebrows narrowed in confusion, eyes still tightly closed.

Din reached up and put his gloved hands over yours on his face gently, pressing them down, threading his fingers through yours and clutching them tightly, the leather of his gloves creaking as he did. He spoke quietly, his voice almost a whisper as he said it again, almost pleadingly.

“Open your eyes.”

Taking a deep breath, you let your eyes flutter open, finding the courage to lift them.

The world began the shake gently, Din evaporating in front of you just like the kid had, turning to mist between your fingertips.

“Mesh’la.”

How could you still hear his voice? What-

“Mesh’la, wake up. You’re going to get a stiff neck if you sleep there.” A hand on your shoulder shook you gently.

Blinking your eyes open, quickly squinting under the low lights of the hull of Boba’s ship, you groaned softly, screwing them shut once again as you lightly shoved Din away with a hand on his chest. “Go away.”

He chuckled softly, scooping you up and carrying you with one hand under your knees, the other around your back. “Good thing I’m not deterred so easily.”

“I was having such a strange dream….” You grumbled into his neck as you tucked your face further into his cowl to hide from any remaining light trying to wake you up.

“Want to talk about it?” He sat on the floor in a secluded corner of the main hull with a groan, his back leaning against the wall as he situated you in his lap, holding you close.

You smiled as memories of the early days of your adventures came back, almost exactly this same position against some rocks on Tatooine.

“It was green, and foggy, and…. You were there. The kid, too. But not really. You were both apparitions. You took off your helmet and told me to open my eyes….” Din froze underneath you, his thumbs lightly tracing patterns on your arms stuttering before beginning their lazy draw again. “I’m sure it was just a weird manifestation of everything that happened on Morak. Just my brain processing everything…. Brown Eyes.”

Din huffed out a laugh. “Probably.”

You yawned. “I’m going to go back to sleep now, if that’s okay.” Burrowing further into his neck, you frowned when you felt him adjust your head slightly, but smiled when you felt the cool touch of beskar lightly kiss your forehead before he tucked your head back where you’d had it.

“Sleep, mesh’la.” His voice was low, and almost there himself. “Sleep.”

Xxx

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