#cw self destruction

[dollya-robinprotector]

Isn't it better to hide quietly in the shadows? There are even flowers like buds, you know. It's better to keep it a secret so it protects. Undisturbed by anyone, it blooms magnificently.

Hana ni natte (Be a flower) - Ryokuoushoku Shakai

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

Yandere Best Friend pt 2

tw: self harm, mentions of violence, general deranged yandere shenanigans, angst

ageless blogs n minors DNI blease tq <3

part 1 here

my masterlist

this sucks bros i broke my fucken leg and i cant move, my cast is so itchy and i cant scratch and i feel nasty cause i cant shower

feeling bads, so thats why i churned part 2 out faster thn usual , its shorter than before but just need some angsty comfort atm

as uaual many errors cause i did not proofreasd

enjoy i hope

You left the exam hall a couple hours later. To find out that your dad left a total of seven missed calls. You thought someone fucking died.

Of course, you called back. Preparing for the worst.

Your father picked up the phone, he explained that it was your friend. He had a mental breakdown because you weren't there for the opening of his dream restaurant. Eventually though, he calmed down enough to come back into the building to return the phone, eyes noticeably dull and tired, worse than before. He never stopped trembling.

The three of them sat down and talked.

Neither of your parents knew you stopped contacting him. They thought everything was fine, so your friend couldn't fault them for that.

Your parents trusted your friend, so they gave him your phone number and told him basic information about you now. Such as, the country you're studying in and the course.

You felt a pang of guilt, but you had to move on. You understood that he was busy, it would probably do no good for you to try and reach out to him. You would just ruin his plan and distract him too much. At least, that was what you thought.

Usually, he would call every day. But that turns to once every three days. Then once a week. Then never.

It's true that he would not miss a single day to send you a sweet message, a reminder to practice self care and that you're very dear to his heart. Which would be then followed by an update to his progress, it was stressful to read what he was going through and that was all he talked about. You felt like his personal diary, he stopped asking about how things were going for you.

Since it doesn't seem to bother him you weren't replying because he would send his texts when the entire world is asleep, you stopped opening his texts too.

You wanted to tell him in person that you're moving out to pursue your studies and you were granted a student loan. A crushing student loan. But... You believe his ten minutes of free time a week is better used for his sleep. Or even going to the bathroom perhaps.

A day passes by another and in the end, you moved on without him. Without telling him. It just always slips your mind every time you see him brisk walking towards his beat up car with a stack of metal trays in his arms. They must be extremely heavy, you could see the veins bulging out of his forearms and forehead.

It was hard to watch his cheeks get sunken in, his hair going back to its' matted, unhealthy state, dark bags forming under his constantly bloodshot eyes. He looked like he aged a decade older from all the stress and pressure. But... He is working towards his dream and you're happy for him. It was great that he finally achieved what he wanted, he deserved all of its glory for working his ass off like that.

You held no ill will towards him, but you grew apart. He was so consumed with work that the friendship suffered in silence, there were no more fun hangouts together at the mall, you don't get to eat his cooking anymore (you didn't want to burden him by buying a tray, he already has too much to do), no more fun conversations about the silliest shit. It was just... Bank loans, revenue, expenses, investors, employees, employers, credit score, mortgages, taxes etcetera. The urgency and distress was also rubbing off you too, there were nights you woke up in a cold sweat because you had a nightmare that your hypothetical restaurant failed and you went into debt.

So you thought, he needed his time. You shouldn't really interfere with anything you don't understand. Your friend is already nose deep in the real world, you're not even close to it yet and you're not ready for it yet either. Therefore, you took the route most young adults take after getting a high school diploma: getting a bachelor's degree in some field of study that you probably don't even like.

You trudged onwards to the direction of your hostel. You need to get ready for your shift, money is a little tight now and you don't want to burden your parents too much. They're already sending a lot of money to support your living.

If your friend knew you were working hard for some extra money, his heart would break. It would be devastating news to him, no doubt, he would at least have a dozen freakouts and breakdowns. But you don't know that, yet.

As expected, your friend eventually called you. It was later than expected; it took him a week before he called your new phone number himself. He needed to calm down and collect his thoughts, as he knew that he might just drive you away if he comes barreling in with passionate yelling and sobbing over the phone. Plus, he also needed to focus on his new restaurant too, he can't just abandon his lifelong dream like that. How else is he going to make enough money to provide for you? He can't take back the money and time he invested in this now, all he can do is keep going and find some compromise.

It was tempting to go M.I.A. and hastily book a plane ticket to wherever you're studying. He was deeply yearning for your presence, he was desperate, he was clawing his arms and decorating them with nasty scars in an attempt to keep the urge at bay. He was extremely miserable but he had to keep going, to build that wonderful, cushiony foundation for you and him to fall back onto.

Everything he does, he does it for you.

He was polite, kind and pleasant during the first phone call you both had in two years. Though, there was a noticeable twinge of hurt in his mildly wavering voice. He still sounded like he's happy and relieved to hear you again.

The call started off with a greeting, then some small talk, then finally to the meat of the call;

Why didn't you tell me? He asked. It seems like he was fighting back his tears.

You didn't answer right away, you don't know what to say.

You could tell him the truth that he was too busy with his endeavors and you just don't feel like interfering by burdening him with "unnecessary information". However, you think that might wound him deeply as you're somewhat blaming him for your own actions.

You could lie... and tell him what, exactly? Either way, it would hurt him even more and there is probably going to be some resentment.

So, you apologized. You kept your reasoning brief and simple; you needed to move on. You acknowledged that whatever you did wasn't very nice of you, but you still had to proceed and you thought that it would be better that you didn't tell him.

There was a moment of silence between the both of you.

On the other side of the call, your friend was wracking his brain, trying to comprehend what you just told him. It came across as you not wanting to do anything with him anymore because you feel unprioritized, unimportant, inferior. Guilt and remorse was eating him up, he is putting all the faults onto himself.

He spiraled downwards in that call, spewing nonsense and absurd promises to destroy everything he has ever worked for just to have you back in his arms. Deranged negotiations involving the idea of blinding, deafening, mutilating or doing some sort of bodily or mental harm to himself to prove something; prove that he puts you above everything else and also to punish himself for neglecting you.

It was horrifying to hear your dear friend babble about putting himself into financial ruin for the sake for your forgiveness. He spoke of his accomplishments and advancements as they were disposable, as if it held no value compared to you.

This isn't normal, far from it, Your friend devolved so much to the point he was making demented pledges to kill and maim your enemies for you, and only you. To eviscerate the ones you dislike and send videographic proof of it, to disembowel his business associates to show that they mean absolutely nothing to him. Mind you, he was talking about real, breathing, living humans.

It was hard to fully grasp the insanity in his now incoherent words, he was muttering apologies and self hatred. Promises of severe self harm was also common in his mad speech. At one point, religion and superstitions were thrown into the mix. But you could not understand what he was chanting about.

What the fuck are you talking about? Your friend didn't pick up on your distress... or words over his excessive tirade against himself.

Everything I do, I do it for you, and I would do anything and everything for you. I love you- You hung up.

You couldn't take a second more of that. It was really difficult to see this side of him. It hurts you too that he became like this, perhaps all the stress from building a business from the ground up fried his mind. Whatever it was, you knew that he is not good for you anymore.

You sent him a final text message telling him that you're not comfortable with him after that massive sanity slippage. You wished him luck and expressed your regrets that it had to turn out this way.

You didn't give him a chance to respond, you blocked him immediately on everything and went on with your day.

Whatever he said kept replaying in your head like a broken record. It was pure horror.

[vacantfields]

CW/TW: blood (it's oil), self-destruction

Drew a thing of Sun to the song:

Sleepless Deathbed by Invent Animate

(you can listen to it to get the vibes if you wish!! But fun fact I changed Sun's voice to Invent Animate... So you could see that song as him singing!! Screaming!!!)

---

Sun was shaking. Oh, he was shaking terribly. He looked down at his hands; he could feel the itching of his terror building up underneath his casing. His white pupils were darting over his hands. Now, he saw the black tar-like oil covering his palms and fingers like paint.

He could feel it dripping from his face under his hair. Sun had ripped his rays out again. Again.

Again.

It hurt so badly, oh, it hurt so so badly. His thoughts were unclear and fogged with fear.

Sun was on his knees dressed in comfy slacks with a white t-shirt that was stained with the oil. It looked like a murder had occurred around him with the way the black splatter had hit the walls and floor.

He felt his expression fall; it felt numb. He feels numb. His fans in his chest were running with a stutter like they might shut off at any moment. Maybe that's good.

He couldn't tell anymore. He wishes the virus had taken him, too. Then, at least, he would know for sure if it was there.

Sun had his hands back up in his hair, his fingers tangled into the blonde curls as he tugged hard and screamed in agony as he sobbed, the water and oil mixing together as he leaned forward, his head forehead pressed hard against the floorboards.

[borderline-culture-is]

BPD culture is I’m seriously self-destructing, and I know I don’t want to be acting this way, so why can’t I fucking stop?!?!

.

[honeycrashed]

he just like me fr!!

[chrollohearttags]

y’all gone jump me, be honest? 👀🫣

[vidra-comprehends]

Day 23: Council

Screams Silenced In the Hiss of Gospel

Yeah, not even going to pretend I put effort into this one. There are so many things to be said about the Council and I am in no state to do so. But you get a high resolution matchstick!

Prompt by @spaccadt @paulacaulfield

[yourlocalabstraction]

Is it self destruction if you weren’t whole in the first place?

[gummygor]

It's not one of my best ideas but I want to throw up every day like last year, I know it won't help me but, damn it, it's the only way to get relief without cutting myself.

[undead-red-head]

How we doing, fellow bards?

[angelwowings]

Healing c:

[dollya-robinprotector]

FINALLY! DOLLYA CONCEPT

I'll have a little look back and remember how I came up with this current Sona design. The me of 2021 definitely would look at this and go "WTF???". When I search and place old drawings side by side for comparison, It's really been a process of changing my perspective on myself and constantly finding what I want.

It'll be very random and full of my old drawings, so if you don't mind a little rambling, welcome to go under the cut and go back in time with me!

Let's start with this design. As you can clearly see it was based on how I actually look irl, from the outfit, hairstyle to make-up.

Tbf this was not my first attempt to create a Sona, but it was a huge milestone because it's 2018, the year I got into my dream Art university and left home. My style completely changed, and this Sona showed it perfectly.

I drew this with my fingers, on my broken phone, to enter a Vietnamese clothes design competition, where we modernized some traditional clothes. What I did here is a modernized Nhật Bình. I won and got my design made into real clothes and sent to me. I'm still proud of it to this day XD

It was fun! I draw her almost daily, like how I do with Lya and Lyah in this blog. I used her to make friends with other artists. I even created a gender-bent version for her : D

But the uni life was stressful, especially when I entered my third year and tried to escape my parents' grasp. They were furious and threatened me, I started working extra and do commission to pay for my own living and rent, lessons were hard, and homework and projects were pilling,... As a result, I often use my sona to stress draw.

It didn't help much, my anxieties and insecurities kept adding to the molten fire inside me, and my overthinking got worse day by day.

But then at some point, I decided to separate myself from that sona. She turned into one of my many OCs, maybe more special but I no longer see my entire self in her anymore.

I have to thank my two besties for that. They pulled me out of my darkest moments and stayed with me. They remain to be my only two most important people in this whole world.

I started to "reuse" the sona appearance into creating many other OCs for many other fandoms I joined (Cookierun, HnK, FGO, KnY, Genshin,...). I had fun jumping between different styles lol.

The idea for the current design started to take shape when one day I drew her wearing a white delicate dress (I usually just do red) and a see-through sleep dress I just bought.

Something started clicking.

Then I became an assistant for an Ero Artist. Yup. I started to be exposed to more "sexy" character designs and tbh I just love those. I love drawing female characters already, but there's something something about cute and sexy girls in lingerie... If you know what I mean.

The design slowly became clearer. Cute and pristine-white, see-through lingerie, with little four petals flowers, and little bows, perfect.

The details still varied. They depended on the style I was using or my mood, whether I wanted to go into details or not. That's the fun of drawing your own design, let's keep it.

And here we are~ Maybe it's still not final, but I'm happy with it, and that's enough for me now!

If you've been reading this far, thank you and congratulations! I will send you a kiss and wish you a good day~~ Hope you're having fun scrolling on my blog~

[ziggizapz]

and your beauty is empty :)

[by-glass-and-waves]

Imagine Courtship, if Courtship went the Lamb wins route and the Lamb was a little more insane

Guys, I am sincere when I mean there is abuse and this shit is dead dove material. Read with caution.

So instead of working on Courtship when I sat down to write I ended up writing the beginning of the absolute trainwreck that is Depression Quest.

The concept was originally more positive, and there's mad similarities with Courtship, which branched off from it. But time passed and I decided that Depression Quest is called Depression Quest for a reason.

The only positive AUs I have are Restart and 19th Century, and that's because their Narinders and Lambs never made The Deal at the beginning of the game.

This is probably going to be updated very little tbh, I just want to word vomit the ideas in prose

[wisteriasymphony]

the second i can get semi-realism down as an art style, literally all I'm going to fucking draw hundreds of times over is adrien literally ripping himself apart. i genuinely can't get myself to understand a take on adrien's own perception of self being positive.

imagine seeing your face--your body--EVERYWHERE, being bought and sold and traded and consumed by hundreds, thousands of people you've never met nor ever wanted to. you never asked to be photographed, to be immortalized in these poses, in these ways, and yet the fact that you were forced to is inescapable, this behemoth that you are not and you will never live up to always around you. to mock you.

you wouldn't be able to live with yourself. this body is not yours, it is your mother's eyes and your father's property, and the ways you have been abused in person are simply the start of what your image has been subjected to. people you will never know will think about you in horrible, horrible ways, want to do horrible things to you, all because of something that you did not ask to be a part of. and can you ask them to stop? can you plead mercy to those who do not care for your voice?

you would never be free of these things unless you did terrible things to yourself. you'd have to be rendered unsightly, unloveable, unphotographable, just to be free. you would rip at your arms until nobody wishes to bruise them. you would pull out your teeth so that nobody ever takes from you another smile. you would tear off your face so it could never again be used against you.

I know body horror would be a hard sell on the MLB community, especially with the fandom's darling. ...but the imagery would be gripping. I can only hope to put it to picture eventually

[bennet-fern]

>_< maybe if I hurt myself on purpose and go to the infirmary more often I will get to see him more >_< maybe then something yaoi will happen