#i say try to write bc i have ideas im just very exhausted

[saintshigaraki]

please, if you have the time and/or are feeling generous, please expand on that horror soulmate ran idea where he likes flexing his influence and power over you while you’re on shift….what kind of restaurant does reader work at? is the high-end kind where customers who look as rich and charming as ran come often…..or is it some regular diner/local favorite and ran likes coming over to call you sweetheart and darling and he likes tipping you $50-$100 bills………………………..he tips bigger and orders so much when he brings some work associates over during their lunch break or something 0_0

dior im so glad you ask bc I've been ruminating over these very questions for like a month....

yandere tw, ran is harassing the shit out of you at work rip, soulmate au, she/her pronouns for reader

i think you work at a really small rundown sort of place open 24 hours. pulling 12-hour shifts 12 days in a row just to pay the bills. it's pure and total chance that ran and his...associates waltz into your establishment. it's late and you're so so exhausted. you absolutely do not like the look of them. they're dressed nicely, too nicely for a place like this and they don't even bother trying to hide the guns peaking out from their waistbands. and beyond that you can smell it on them. you know their type. the type that get too handsy, that hold their tips over your head. make you do a song and dance and for what? the two dollars they'll so generously leave you when all is said and done? it's a fucking joke and you hate them all before they've even said a word to you.

your feet hurt so badly that you're limping a bit when you go to greet them and the smile you put on feels carved into your cheeks, throbbing like a wound. all their faces look the same to you. a big blur of dangerous man after man after man. you write down their orders without really listening. you want this over as fast as possible. you were set to be off in an hour, but with a group this big, you know that's now nothing but a pipe dream. god you're so so tired--

"and what is it you'd recommend, darling?"

something about the voice makes your eyes shoot up. airy, smooth, and nonchalant in a way that makes you grind your teeth and reluctantly pulls your attention. there's a nauseating sort of authority in it that has your hackles raised.

you're a bit shocked when you see who has spoken. he's pretty. long hair, obviously well kept, a tattoo on the side of his neck that makes you rather nervous, but it's his eyes that makes you step back. you feel the shift in the air when your gaze meets his, a crackling energy, two halves being made whole and all the other sappy shit people say when describing their first meeting with their soulmate.

no one mentions how scary it is, though. it's like you've lost a limb. or gained a parasite. you swear you can feel him in the back of your skull, already eating away at you. you don't want this. you don't want this. take it back you almost say aloud. please please take it back.

the man (your soulmate?) doesn't say a word. there's a slight quirk on his lips, but that could be anything. could mean anything.

you take a breath. you're tired—very tired—and now you're imagining things—delusional. your heartbeat slows. everything's fine. it's fine.

"ah ran, you've left the poor thing starstruck," a man to his right says, jostling him a bit.

the man—ran—tilts his head, still waiting, rather patiently, for a reply from his apparently airheaded waitress, struck down by his pretty face.

it's rather scary, being the sole focus of his attention. it's as though he's flaying your skin from your flesh, leaving you defenseless. like you're nothing but a young girl again, alone and cold and hopeless beneath his eyes.

it takes you too long to gather your wits. "the omelets are okay, good for a cold night." you just barely manage to keep the trembling from your voice, a shrillness that would in any way reveal your fear.

he smiles now, a real one. and it scares you. so amused by you, his little shaking waitress. "just okay?" he asks, taking pleasure in teasing you no doubt.

"this isn't a place you come to if you're looking for something gourmet." better to be honest than to get their hopes up. you can smell the money on them.

he laughs and you have to bite back your tears, you really dont like him. there's terror worming it's way beneath your skin. "it was a last resort, i'll go with the omelet, darling."

+

when you bring out their food you assume that will be it, at least for a little while. you'll refill their drinks again and again and again and pray they'll be gone by 2, but the worst of it is done. you'll hide in the back for the most part until they're gone. it'll be fine.

your hopes are quite quickly dashed once you set ran's food in front of him, avoiding eye contact but unable to keep the tremor from your fingers. before you can dart away his hand lashes out, forming a shackle around your wrist. tugging you far closer to him than you'd ever want to be. 

"why don't you join us for a bit. you seem tired. perhaps you're a bit hungry too?" he asks it like a question, but you know it's not. he has that sort of authority about him that lets you know he's used to be listened to. used to giving out orders and having them followed. you don't like it, and you make excuses even though you know it'll bode badly for you.

"i can't sir, i'm so sorry, but im still working and my boss will be--"

he cuts you off quickly and uncaring. "he won't mind."

he most definitely would, you think. your boss reminds you of ran a bit, in the way that he likes to exert power over others. quick to insult you, quick to admonish and threaten. he most definitely would care if he saw you sitting with some customers, even if the rest of the place was deserted.

"sir," you start again, "i could be fired please--"

"what's his name?"

you're taken aback. a bit confused, too. "your boss, darling. what's his name?"

there's a long pause before you say anything at all.

"hikaru," you tell him at last.

he smiles at you, tugs you in even closer. "thank you."

he smells good, you think absently. expensive. 

"hikaru!" he yells suddenly, causing you to practically jump out of your skin. your boss is quick to appear, looking like a beat dog. he seems to recognize ran, and he seems to be scared of him and you really, really don't like that.

"is there something i can help you with, sir?" he asks, timid as a mouse. your heart stops. there's something wrong here, you think. there's something very wrong and it's too late. its too late.

you're sitting beside ran now, his arm wrapped around you and his hand rubbing your shaking shoulder soothingly. "you wouldn't mind if she joined us, would you? we could use the company."

your boss' eyes flit over to you, just barely, before he bows his head again. "of course not, sir. it's no problem at all."

ran turns to you at that. "you hear that, darling. no problem at all." you look down and can't help but notice drops of red marring the pristine white of his dress shirt. it's right on the cuff. it's dried now, more brown than anything else but you recognize it for what it is.

you can't help but think you've stepped into a bear trap of sorts, and now your foot has been cut clean off. you’re screaming and screaming, trying to staunch the bleeding and ran won’t stop smiling. 

[quin-ns]

hey ! may i request some fluff with ethan landry where he thinks she’s asleep so he whispers i love you to her but she was actually awake? (can either be established relationship or not) you can decide how she reacts :))

im so glad i found your blog because you write for many of the things that i like and it honestly felt like i hit jackpot seeing your masterlist. feel free to turn down this request/change it up !!hope u are having a good day/night <3

aw well I’m happy you found me! 🫶

writing this as a quick drabble/ficlet bc I like the idea but can’t think of a whole fic lol- enjoy!

Whispers (Ethan Landry x Reader)

You weren’t going to the party at first, but all of your friends were going and you didn’t wanna feel left out.

Getting drunk wasn’t exactly the plan either. However, you were already getting your ass kicked by classes and you wanted to let loose.

Your friends encouraged you as they did the same, all of you keeping an eye on each other.

Except, you got a bit too far ahead and ended up having to leave your friends Tara and Mindy behind on the dance floor (aka, the frat house living room floor). You ended up on a couch nearby and closed your eyes, trying to zone out and not focus on the headache-inducing music.

Did it have to be so loud?

You felt someone sit down next to you and you heard a familiar voice ask you a question.

“You alright?”

You didn’t have to look to know it was your friend Ethan. You could tell his voice anywhere, the two of you were pretty close. You and Ethan liked a lot of the same stuff and it was easy to talk to him about pretty much anything.

You met him a while ago and coincidentally, his roommate was the brother to your friend Mindy. You all ended up hanging out in a group after realizing that.

“A little too drunk,” you admitted, your head lolling to the side. You opened yours eyes and found him watching you curiously. “And very tired.”

“If you’re tired I can walk you back to your place.”

You made a noise of disapproval.

“It’s so far off campus, I’d rather just sleep here.”

Sinking into the couch felt like a really good idea.

“My dorm isn’t that far,” Ethan suggested with a shy smile. “Chad won’t care and it’s a weekend so you don’t gotta worry about class.”

You did take him up on that offer.

“You’re so sweet,” you told him as the two of you entered his apartment. You laughed to yourself, feeling quite lightheaded. “And cute.”

Ethan smiled at that. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, but it’s a secret, so shhh,” you told him. You had a pretty huge crush on him, but you’d tried to keep it under wraps in order to maintain your friendship. But your words were coming out before you could stop them.

God, you were tired.

“Well, you’re pretty cute too,” Ethan said, then quickly changed topics when you didn’t respond right away. “You can take my bed, I’ll crash in the chair.”

He pointed towards a sad little beat up recliner.

You snorted. “No way, we can share.”

Ethan and Chad didn’t have bunk beds, so it was easy to kick off your shoes and climb into his bed. Another day you might’ve been more graceful, but it looked so comfortable and you couldn’t resist. Ethan did the same, not even changing into pajamas.

The two of you laid side by side and you tried to bite back a smile at the thought of being in bed with Ethan.

You rolled to the side, facing the wall, and closed your eyes. You were insanely exhausted and drunk, and really, really wanted to sleep.

“Goodnight, Ethan,” you mumbled to him. “And thanks for this.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” he responded. There was a moment of silence where you thought he was going to say more, but he didn’t. Instead, he just said, “Goodnight.”

You started to drift off to sleep, getting comfortable. Maybe ten minutes passed and you should’ve been asleep, but you weren’t.

“Are you awake?” Ethan asked softly.

You were right on the edge of falling asleep finally and you knew if you started talking, that would never happen. Whatever he had to say, you two could talk about it tomorrow.

“I guess you are asleep… and now I’m just talking to myself.” Ethan laughed a little and you tried not to smile. “That’s okay, you need sleep. I just wanted to say… I’m glad you trust me and that I can be here for you. I like being your friend, and I—I like you, y’know?”

It was quiet for a long moment. Your breathing remained steady and you thought maybe he’d closed his eyes and drifted off.

Instead, he rolled onto his side and wrapped an arm over your body.

“I really like you, actually. Like I lot… as more than just a friend,” Ethan continued in a whisper. You could feel his heart racing against your back and you tried to not let on that you were awake. “Maybe even love you, but that’s crazy, right? We’re not even dating and I think I’m in love with you…

You really wanted to open your eyes, but you didn’t want to embarrass him. He’d just poured his heart out, it didn’t seem like the right move to surprise him.

“I’ll tell you for real someday, if I can ever get the courage to ask you out.”

You hoped that was a promise that Ethan could keep. You liked him too—a lot—and hopefully that day he’d ask you out would come soon. You really wanted to see how things would go because you had a feeling that you could be in love him too.

[marieisnothere12]

hsr 2.2 opinions

The plot was great execution was mid.

Sorry this is pretty long 😭😭

Spoilers 👇

Sunday’s three acts were hella tedious. This gives me Kazuha domain in the golden apple arcepellago ptsd.

Sparkle is just unused its such a shame bc I absolutely love the Masked fools :(

After they “solve” the crisis, it’s too long I honestly lost all the hype bc I thought it ended. It was just waaaaay too long.

Firefly’s 3 deaths?? Hello? I wanted to see that not Sunday’s 3 acts.

They never explain why the Order is bad and the Harmony is good. I didn’t understand until the last part where it was like “oh they’re trying to mind control people.” like you’re telling me this NOW??

oh so much dialogue pls no more exposition

Im sorry but I don’t find Robin to be as likable as hoyo presents her as. She’s a sweet angel but they shove it in your throats so much it feels fake. She just got the short end of the stick when it comes to writing :( i would have loved her ngl I wished she got the same level of writing as her brother :((

Too many twists like it’s exhausting atp. Gallagher being evil would’ve been interesting ngl. Like what of Sunday and Gallagher and Sparkle teamed up???? Idk just a thought. Also “dormancy” is disappointing. IM SORRY I LIKE EVIL GALLAGHER

Maybe unpopular opinion but too much Acheron. I feel like Firefly should’ve had a bigger focus like we forget abt her in the later half.

And the domain things. God they are so unnecessarily long. The one with with the Trailblazer and Firefly was just so so tedious.

Oh so so so much unnecessary dialogue guys please shut up

The Trailblazer taking the Harmony’s side feels forced like bro why??? Theres sm exposition and no explanation. They just go “Bc freedom!!” And…??? What else??? Robin just went “This is wrong” and we hopped on board. Now Robin is justifiable bc she did her research, being her idealist self, and shes a side character so I’m okay with her not having the full spotlight.

Why did Elio send Firefly/SAM to Penacony anyways?

Jade just went “oh Aventurine lets cook some shit up in thr next update” and left

again, pls elaborate on why the Order is bad I got one example

Also I feel like Aventurine was like a footnote im def biased towards my baby boy but :(

Im sorry the main cast is just unlikeable imo they don’t justify their actions and just ride on the ideal of freedom and nothing else. They use the same argument of “bc people deserve to live and choose” and its tiring hearing them say that 10 times they just lacked depth.

Also shaoqi who writes for hi3 wrote this and hi3 is very visual novel esque and it works in hi3 bc its very story driven but it just doesn’t in hsr.

Now the good things

I love the consistent characterization. Sunday acted just as I predicted during the quest so yay

I really like Sunday as a character. ALSO WHY DID HE FALL AT THE END I GOT SCARA PTSD

I like how even though Gallagher is on our side he’s pretty morally gray (he’s a history fictionalogists i hate those shits if you can’t tell I would follow the erudition so they piss me off sm)

We stan boothill live laugh love space cowboys

The idea of the story is amazing though like in general

In conclusion, I think they tried to do everything and forgot about domains being the bane of players’ existence and making stuff make sense. The execution just leaves me feeling overwhelmed and unsatisfied at the same time. Ngl I think 2.1 just built up way too much hype.

[artificialwizard]

Venting and rambling about ai art discourse

Feel free to ignore this + this isnt an invitation to argue back and forth with me about ai

My tag system on main for years now has been

#art = abstract art

#representational art = all non-abstract art

( + #dreamscape = art that can't be neatly categorized as abstract or representational + art that reminds me of dreaming )

Bc at the time I created this tag system i was very fed up with abstract art and modern art being dismissed as Not Real Art by some assholes and i wanted to put abstract art first in my space and have representational art be the one that needs a descriptor to differentiate it from "normal"/"real" art

Currently holding myself back from doing something similar to be petty about the never ending ai art backlash/discourse

Haven't been posting my abstract art or ai art online much lately but i still make a lot of both (+ getting back into writing and prob won't be posting much of that either). Sharing art online, other than with close friends, seems like hell to me rn.

Maybe someday i'll start posting my art again it just sucks that anytime i go on any social media from discord to youtube theres an 80% chance i see people shitting on the artistic mediums that i'm most passionate about

And its not like the ai hate train has slowed down the rancid attitudes around abstract art lol, not that I'd stop making AI art if abstract art was more respected

Abstract art is the easiest and most rewarding way for me to express myself creatively and it gels so well with my perfectionism issues bc perfection is Not the point (except when it is, but then its an artistic choice not a constant obligation for every piece). A piece about grief doesnt need to have perfect straight lines or symmetry, the art can be messy if it suits the tone I'm going for.

And AI image and music generation is very exciting to me! I've always been curious about what it would be like getting to see the creation of a new way of making art and its been very cool being able to somewhat follow AI innovations since 2018 and then get to experiment with it myself once more ai tools became accessible!!

Whether im the ai art im making is abstract or representational, i love not having full control over the result! I love bouncing ideas back and forth with the AI. I love having to combine my visual art skills and my language/description skills.

I use midjourney et al. the same way I'd make my OCs in dressup games while brainstorming ideas. Mindless doodling that can often lead to writers block breakthroughs.

I also use midjourney et al. to make quick vent art when I'm feeling strong emotions just like I'd do in my sketchbook or in my digital art apps.

And sometimes i'm using ai to spend hours trying to make something very specific i want to create.

Idk its all just tools to me. Midjourney. Paint Tool Sai. Pen and paper. I get the same joy/relief out of making art with all of the above

Im not aiming for fame or money, i make 0-200$ a year from art, usually 0. I just want to have a little corner of the internet to share my images and reach a handful of ppl who appreciate them and want to discuss abstract & ai art with me thats it. Im not coming for your art job, i dont allign myself with corporations aiming to further disadvantage workers in artistic industries or artists who freelance

Anyway reason #2 i slowed down on posting art is grief has been kicking my ass these past 4 years. Lots of deaths in the family + death of a friend. some relationships were fractured and im grieving those as well.

Reason #3 is started full time library job in november 🎉 its wonderful and its exhausting and im still finding my rythm after years of being chronically un(der)employed and/or in college, but hopefully once life settles down more ill have more and more time to spend on art and writing

Havent vent posted in ages and it feels weird doing it on one of my art blogs so im going to end this with two of my recent(ish) pieces on grief, first made in onelab (not ai, android art app i make 80% of my digital art in) and second in midjourney

Thanks if u read all/most/some of that :)

Think i just needed to be like "man this sucks" so i can move on to "anyway! Art time >:)"

[boabelboo]

aghh lily im so sorry i accidentally posted my incomplete anona fact things early and then had to delete it, so i have to do it here 😭

@persephoneprice i am so sorry 😭

also just a funny thing to mention, my earliest draft of anona's name was pippa ryenn, i then changed it because pippa was too close to pip, my other oc and ryenn was too on the nose with the grain theme 😭 but yeah u were definitely destined for anona to be ur fav bc her earliest name draft was also ur pippa's name 😭

anyway on to the actual ask:

- she is eighteen during her games, making her thirty five at the time of her death

- before her games, she's very outgoing and is friends with everyone

- she also swears off lying, since her father hates it

- her birthday is october eighth

- she is always haunting the narrative trust

- most of the stage plays she performed were written by her father, it was a hobby of his to write that he kind of gave up in favor of providing for anona

- her father calls her 'nona.

- during her interview for the games, she lies that "her ma is capitol-bred" and that her mother became a peacekeeper and was sent to nine, so she wins some favor in the capitol.

- she copes with the lying by telling herself it's just acting like back home, and her pa wouldn't be upset

- she says her father brews medicine for sick children in district nine, and that she has three loving siblings who wanted her home.

- when, in reality, anona is an only child whose mother (who was not capitol) died in childbirth.

- but anona doesn't like lying. she wishes she were braver and was able to accept it and "die an honest death instead of living a life of lies", but she loves her life more than anything, she loves her father and she loves her friends and she loves performing.

- that need to live outweighs the thought of dying with dignity and nobility.

- and anona's a great actress, for seventeen years people believe her story, and she's one of the most admired victors.

- but, deep down, anona starts hating her life more and more, something she never thought she would do, having to see the children she mentors die. she wants something to happen, she wants rebellion, though she has no idea how she can do it herself.

- she drifts away from her pa and her old friends, in shame and exhaustion

- now this is where it gets interesting:

- i mentioned that panlo had two younger brothers, one of which (jaz) goes on to be my oc thea's grandfather.

- well, panlo's other brother, garner, grew up with anona. he gets angry that she lied her way out of the games, while his brother died from being honest.

- after his brother's death, garner started to become more and more rebellious, and has a giant fallout with his other brother jaz over "what panlo would of wanted" (garner basically did the same sort of things billy taupe and spruce did, trying to sneak people out of prisons, and then the district itself)

- anona explains that she doesn't want to be lying, and she's doing it to keep her father, her friends and herself alive.

- garner, being a known rebel, explains what he's doing (after getting to know anona for a while, and realising that she's actually very trustworthy)

- garner and anona eventually work out a deal, anona will continue her act on the capitol, but use any money they give her to get supplies to help get people out of nine.

- their plan works smoothly for years, and anona and garner form a close bond.

- that is, until anona can't take it anymore, she sees people die everyday (especially since she started aiding rebellion, the peacekeepers got stricter in punishment)

- she gets drunk and openly speaks on her hate for the capitol, and for the first time in forever, she feels free again, she's no longer confined by a performance that she doesn't want to be a part of.

- she wakes up the next day and realises what she's done, and how she is going to be killed for it. and, after everything, she doesn't regret it. she gets garner and the other rebels to flee north (which they do).

- anona never thought she would die an honest death, but she does.

- she finally feels the same as she did when she was younger, before the games, onstage.

- she finally feels herself again, and if she has to die in the next hour in order to live her truth, so be it.

anyway that was a complete and utter lore dump i am so sorry, if i ever end up writing an anona-based fic i completely spoiled most of it 😭

thank u sm for the ask (sorry i accidentally deleted it) and im actually so happy that you like anona 💗

[fatuismooches]

SMOOOCHES!!! Hiii darling! ૮꒰˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ꒱ა

This isn’t a story but really just me coming on here to talk so I hope you don’t mind! I’m sorry if it’s ever a bother or disturbs you! But I finally finished with all my exploration~! Well, I actually finished on the 10th of July (aka this month) BUT I felt a little shame to just come on here and say that I had finished I was too embarrassed;; but how has everything been? I hope you’re staying fresh in this blazing summer (it’s literally like 115° every single day here it’s unbearable for me and my dog) and also making the most out of it! I’m dreading going back to school in less than a month I’m not ready!!! (Leaks mentioned: ALSO HAVE YOU HEARD OF A SUPPOSED NEW DOTTORE SOUNDTRACK? It sounds so good AND IT MAY BE A CUTSCENE kinda like Kazuha’s friend or Makoto’s in the Archon Quests! I’m really hoping we get more lore on our boo boo Dottore he’s just so interesting!!) I also just recently read a VERY lengthy character analysis on him and oh mygskkd. It really helped me get to understand Dottore as a character and how it disapproves of many misconceptions of himself. (Like being a sadist for ex.) if you ever want the link I can send it since it was on tt. And the day I’m writing this it’s Childe’s birthday, which ironically enough my mom also shared a birthday with him LMAO. (She’s only aware of this bc of how much I dawn over the chars 😭) and to answer your question from one of the recent brainrots I had made “who are you saving up for” I’m actually saving up for Zhongli cons! He’s at C0 rn but in hoping to at least get C2 or C3, but I also won’t be spending my almost 400 wishes on him since I really want a lot of the Fontaine characters, and I’m still hoping for Dottore to become playable soon 😭 (this is me trying to cope) but I hope you have a wonderful day and week!! But before I end this off, can we agree the Dottore pictured in Nahida’s cute story with Wanderer IS ADORABLE?? Like i sometimes just wanna write about the little creature because it’s so cute. Is he ugly? A little but he’s ugly in the cute way!!! I swear I would just want to hug him to sleep. (Many ideas with fragile reader come to mind now LMAO) but anyways !!! I give you so many chu chus n cuddles n a lot of love!! Make sure you’re staying healthy and drinking water in this scorching heat. I give u so many kisses your heart explodes!!! ><

- from your boo boo bear 🎐 anon!! ૮ ྀི◞͈ ˔ ◟͈ ྀིა

🎐 ANON!!! I MISSED YOU AHHH!!!!

It's more than okay i love talking to you!!! And OMF I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!! I know it was such a grind and probably a bit exhausting at times but I'm so proud of you 😌💖 Giving you lots of kithes and hugs!! Mwahhhh!!

115 DEGREES??? HOLY- I thought it was hot where I live 😭 I'm barely surviving like every other summer but omg I'm so sorry 😭 And you have a dog?? How cute! What type of dog do you have, if i may ask?🥰 Though i have been unproductive all summer unfortunately, the heat makes me not want to do anything haha

AND YESSSS IVE SEEN THE LEAKED OST MY EYES POPPED OPEN AT THE POSSIBLE DOTTORE APPEARANCE 👁 IM SO EXCITED I WANT HIM IN FONTAINE BADLY!! Also i think I've read the same character analysis on tiktok like you, was it called "Sadist or Scientist" and had many many slides? With the character and design analysis? If yes i too read it and it was so good! I love seeing analysis on him especially since there are not much crumbs on him. Oh and happy belated birthday to your mom! I hope you had fun with her!💖

Omg almost 400 wishes??? I havent had that much since the time I've saved for Wanderer 👏 I really hope you get lots of cons for him! I also love Zhongli sm but that man has avoided me on all three banners. First banner i didn't have enough primos and missed him, second banner i lost to Qiqi, third banner i lost to Jean lol. I forgot he is coming so i will try to get him again for the fourth time 🤣 Manifesting hard for you 💖🙏 (Dw I'm also coping on playable Dot😭😭)

AND YESSS OMG I LOVE THE LIL STRANGE DOT CREATURE SO MUCH. I need someone to make a good quality plushie of that creature so i can cuddle it 🥺 HYV was probably intending to make the creature look unsettling, but nah, i wholly think it's adorable. I would hold its little hand. (Always ready to listen to your fragile reader ideas tho 😌🤞)

Hehe I'm giving you lots of more cuddles and kisses!! 🫂 I hope you're staying hydrated as well!! We shall get through this heat together 💪 Smooch smooch !! <33

[holdinbacksecrets]

well, things have been weird... I think depression and anxiety has been hitting me hard this past week to the point of like chest pain, i think I'm very familiar with heartache lmao. I'm a senior now, finally made it to year 6 in med school, and currently in my first rotation, i don't know how to feel about that other than fear of my own incompetence and failure to compensate for it because I'm just so exhausted..

As for writing, i haven't done any for like close to at least 1 year, nothing, even poetry has been sparse, maybe max of 3 this whole year. It's like slow torture... it's like the first death described in black swan. I've been trying to plan a novel, but all i have is Pinterest boards for characters and a main idea of a plot and it doesn't seem that this year I'll be able to give it time because it's hectic and important and i also have my damn research on thalassemia patient's quality of life and whatnot.

Loneliness is suffocating as well, I don't know what to do with it, i blame it on adulthood and maturity, hell im 23 yet i feel like i have the loneliness of a vampire watching every loved one fade. there's not much to do about it. everyone's busy and i hate human connection as much as i crave it.

I thought by now you'd have relocated btw because it's been a while that you've been talking about it, also didn't you go back for masters or is my timeline of events wrong cuz trust me I don't even remember my name these days

hi friend 🤍

i’m sorry about the anxiety and depression. i certainly understand how hard both are to deal with. anything you can do to get even a little bit of relief? is therapy an option for you?

congratulations on making it to your senior year! that’s a wonderful accomplishment! i watch a few med student youtubers, and i’m so impressed by everything that you all do. it’s a fuck ton of work. is school a major catalyst for the anxiety and depression for you or more so other things you mentioned like human connection/loneliness? everything?

even if your plans for the book aren’t as far along as you were hoping they’d be, i still think it’s really cool that there are ideas dancing around in your head. they won’t just disappear either, so you can always dive back in when it feels right and the writing is coming. you’ll have to keep me updated on this. i feel you on the writing thing. i’ve finally been able to do some writing again after months of shitty work, but the longer it’s missing, the crazier us writers feel. i hope it comes back to you sooner rather than later. a year is a long time. idk if i’d ever write without music. it’s such a huge source of inspiration for me.

oh god… the loneliness. i’m so touch starved that i don’t know what to do with myself. a huge part of me wishes i could erase my dating experience last year bc absences following what that little supernova gave me are apparent as hell. i feel like my isolation from covid never really ended, and i’m still trying to move out of it and form friendships in closer proximity. hating human connection and craving it at the same time—felt. i consistently feel like i have to be a better version of myself first, but will i ever meet a version i’m satisfied with? there are always mental hurdles to navigate. do you have any friends in your med school program?

your last paragraph pierced my heart a little bit bc i too thought i’d be in a different city by now. i lasted in my grad program for three months. it was horrible. i took a class last summer, and i knew pretty early on that it was the wrong choice, but i still started the fall semester. i wanted to give it a sincere shot and not make a rash decision (i convinced myself it was rash but it was really my gut saying important things lol). maybe in the future i’ll go back to school and do something completely different. i kind of want to get an english degree, but the idea of doing another bachelor’s feels strange. i wanted to double major originally but didn’t. for now, i’m working a remote job i hate and constantly job searching for something else. i’m passionate about community engagement work and environmental justice, hoping i’ll find something. i still want to move to chicago. i’ll be there in september, and i’m hoping my time there will solidify feelings and desires about relocating.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

HEHE BRAINSTORM TIME!!! Ok wait I’ll save this section for last so it doesn’t get diluted in my responses LMAO I’m very glad some of my ideas proved useful to you in the past though!! Wasn’t really sure how they seemed from more of a writer’s perspective but I’m glad they worked out :))

No literally I remember after breeding I’d see the egg and just go yup off you go…also I remember then implementing like…elders at some point? Where you level them to 20 or something and they change form again and WOW THOSE WERE SO UGLY TOO

I’m laughing so hard when you put it like that Karasu was really going through it like damn I didn’t choose my name!!

FRRR I love the dynamic and the fluctuating power balance is my fav like they’re so complex it’s not just any cliche black and white scenario!!

YEARS!!! OOH BOY IM SO READY

I’m dying the “oh…sae….” LMAOOOOOO I loved the little brother moments and the way Sae was balanced between dry yet interested was >>>> like subtle in ways that would actually match his soccer loser personality a lot more then some of the suave fboy tropes that are more abundant….maybe it’s also because we share a lot of the same thoughts so I’m partial to the way you write their characters LOL

I’ve exhausted your BLLK masterlist and though I’m not knee deep in jjk anymore I still hold my favs dear to my heart so I’m gonna go check out that masterlist now….I literally just took a glance and 208K WORDS POMEGRANTE INK YUTA STORY??? SIGN ME UP AND THE INUMAKI ONE??? My JJK fixated self would’ve died for this I remember at some point those tags got kinda dry too (bc of Gojo hype I imagine LOL)

Ok but YUKI IDEAS ok so I’m not as passionate about yukimiya as some other characters (as I’m sure you’re aware LOL) so I’m not fully sure how hit or miss these are gonna be BUT I’m going to kinda categorize them by setting (??) or broad topic for convenience:

ok so there’s obviously some of the more cliche ones like where y/n is also a model and they collab and whatnot but I DO think that sort of au/universe has potential…? In the sense of the fic revolving more around Yuki’s career as a model so I’ll section this

MODEL CAREER:

- y/n is yuki’s manager, I can think of this also having many different ways to start but I’ll list out what first comes to mind: 1) childhood friends, y/n is with him when he first gets scouted and is the one who kinda encourages him to go for it, even just for fun. Like I imagine yuki contemplating it since he plays soccer obviously and has eye issues if he should take the job or whatever, but in exchange for him try he’s like “ok well I’m not doing this shit alone I’m dragging you with me so surprise you need to be my manager” (idk how realistic this is but shhhhhhh) 2) I’m realizing this entire setting is slightly difficult in a high school setting oops so I guess they can be in college..? But let’s just say they met in college and yuki’s like ugh my last manager was stealing my commission profits or something and is like cycling through managers like “damn they all SUCK and want my money or are trying to take advantage of the job” kinda and y/n is just like ok let me do it 3) y/n and yuki have no previous ties and y/n is just hired as his manager (maybe she’s an intern at his agency) after he gets scouted and they kinda just have to figure it out like “lmao we’re just finishing hs and have no idea how to do this shit” maybe because of their inexperience they get into a dating scandal LMAO

- Y/n dreams of being in the fashion industry and is kicking off her career by creating clothes and is now trying to form a sort of agency/company/brand to manufacture and advertise her fashion line. Obviously, her brand is gonna need some models/ambassadors to wear her clothing!! So, newbie y/n whose fresh in the industry is desperately looking for models to recruit to work with and stumbles upon yukimiya (I’d imagine at this point that he’s already an established model) I can imagine this going a few ways: 1. He refuses at first but y/n keeps hunting him down and asking (begging) him to join (maybe y/n is from a loaded family who disapproves of this career but has enough pocket money to fund her things and tries to increase her offer but yukimiya, who canonical does not care much for money, is like idc abt money LMAO), but maybe at some point y/n idk saves him from paparazzi or something or defamation and he’s like well I’m indebted to you so sure I’ll model and that’s how things kick off 2. This is a lot more meet cute like, but like most artists just starting out, I bet y/n is sleep deprived and lives in a coffee shop downing coffee while working on designs and company things and in her chaotic mess she rushes to stand up and spills coffee onto yukimiya, she offers him a free shirt or somthing from her line as an apology and yuki is either like “hey wait this shirt kinda slaps” and offers to model OR y/n goes “wait my b can I take a pic of you wearing my shirt I’ll pay you” but yeah LMAOAOA I just kinda wrote out what came to mind as I typed this so it’s definitely not very refined but if this serves as any form of inspiration go ahead and mold it as you see fit LOLLL

Eyes (duh LMAO):

- ok so this is the only one I can think of right now that maybe isn’t WILDLY cliche but ok so obviously yuki is devastated about his condition and the doctor sends him to a glasses shop (?) he recommends to get his specific prescription glasses and whatnot, let’s say y/n’s family owns this specific shop so every time he goes to get his glasses adjusted and prescription fixed she’s the one usually assisting him and yadayada they get to know each other and whatnot via those meetings, maybe he kinda hates her at first because every time he sees her it’s just a reminder that his vision is failing and that his dream is dying but eventually he warms up somehow

Penguins (ok so this one is kinda crack and formed from me looking through the Bible again because for the life of me I could not think of anything else to explore):

- model yuki’s next photoshoot involves ocean motifs so he goes to an aquarium with his crew to shoot. Ok again, as usually, I have a couple avenues for this too: 1) they have a shoot with the animals so Penguin handler/trainer y/n is in charge of bringing penguins to him to pose with him and whatever and obviously he’s omfg penguins and they start rambling about penguins and hit it off 2) during his visit he sees y/n through the glass feeding the penguins in the exhibit and eventually yuki just keeps coming back to the aquarium in his down time (because he likes penguins or otherwise the world will never know LMAO) and let’s just say they end up interacting somehow while y/n is on shift

Ok well now I wish we had more yukimiya lore (it would be really helpful if we had the LN right about now but actually I think I’ll have access to it in a couple days so I’ll def come back and dump more once we learn more from there….)

I’m NGL halfway through writing all this I was like “erm what am I even thinking” I started with an idea and it kinda just snowballed into this pile so LMAO hopefully this maybe gives you some ideas but admittedly I feel like I’ve had better brainstorming sessions oops…..will return once I get my hands on the novel (with ideas and summaries about the LN LOL)

I remember for fun I translated Hiori’s from scratch and that took way longer than I thought because of all the nuances and just me figuring out how to word things well LMAO maybe I’ll try again for practice though…..or I’ll take out the really important parts to type out but either way will return once that happens

-Karasu anon

ofc i can’t speak for every writer but at least me personally i feel like i rlly like being able to take requests in my own way?? like the more open ended a request/prompt is the more i’m like 😏 LMAOAO i think all of my longest/favorite requests have just been like character + trope (ex karasu + academic rivals, kaiser + pr relationship, sae + slowly falling in love, etc). so the more loose random thoughts you give me the better because i can use them as a starting point instead of being constrained by them 🤔 if that makes sense lol (not that i mind more specific requests HAHA anything works for me ofc!!)

i used to look up the eggs as soon as i got them just to see what they’d hatch into because some of those eggs were DECEIVING like the prettiest egg for the most mid dragon ever 😭 and omg the elder dragons were so…interesting…dragonvale truly the game of all time

karasu was going through it and he couldn’t even snap back because y/n could literally have him killed if she wanted to 😟 not that she WOULD but he was just standing there like “haha…girl you’re so funny…😭😭💔💔” GIVE MY MAN DAMAGE PAYYYY

i can’t wait to write more of otoya and y/n they truly are such an insane duo (plus dare i say a tabieitay/n trio may be in the future 😨⁉️) every time i write them interacting it’s like putting their personalities on steroids HAHAH they truly bring out the worst/best in each other

YUP YEARSSS we’re going to see y/n rise to power (in the same way oda nobunaga did) and then we’re also going to see how things end up for her (spoiler: not well, considering who everyone is based off of) so there’s quite a lot to get through!!

i agree we’re on the same wavelength w literally everything so it makes sense that we share interpretations of characters LMAOAOA we also both have a similar distaste for fanon fboy characterization which sae is a VICTIM to so when you put it that way it makes sense that you ended up enjoying him in seabird!! hehe i’m rlly happy you did though because honestly i was worried when i first posted it that i had made him ooc or smth just because i was so unfamiliar w him at the time 😩

POMEGRANATE INK IS TRULY SUCH A RIDE i started it in like 2022 and then it went on hiatus for over a year and then randomly i got so motivated that i wrote over 100k words in a month and finished the whole thing this january??? lmao its comeback is legendary on this blog 😭 honestly i’m also not that into jjk anymore but pomegranate ink specifically is so close to my heart like THAT’S what’s canon to me not whatever gege is up to!! it’s definitely very very long but it really runs the gamut…like angst?? cracky humor?? romance?? platonic/familial bonds?? side characters w plot relevance?? it has all of that plus more (as is to be expected given how long it is 😭) if you ever have the time or are bored it’s definitely one of my fav things i’ve written despite how questionable it is at first plus it has the bonus of being completed so i would 10/10 recommend you read it 👆🏻 if only so you can understand the post i made abt how yukimiya and mrs l/n from pomegranate ink could canonically know one another without making either verse an au.

SPEAKING OF YUKI OMG I LOVE YOUR IDEAS i will def take them into consideration…i agree out of tabieitaken he’s probably the one i’m hyped abt the least?? ironically their names are listed in the order of how much i love them KDJDKS but i’m sure if i ever write him as a main love interest instead of as just a pretty side obstacle my feelings will change v rapidly though!! sometimes writing men that are too much of green flags is like…boring…LMAO karasu is the right mix for me personally where he’s a green flag at heart but not afraid to be sassy when it’s necessary to keep things entertaining and dramatic 😫 like the entirety of fwtkac would not have happened if it was yuki because he’s too mature he’d just communicate w the mc and be like “hey that hurt my feelings when you said that about me so i’d prefer if you didn’t in the future. btw i actually have feelings for you!! 😊” bro 😭 but there def are avenues to getting around that i’ll just have to think abt it a bit before i get to writing!!

the way i already have more ideas for karasu and otoya though…heard the song best friend’s brother for the first time in a WHILE (on tik tok ofc because that app is truly my greatest muse) and maybe because we’ve been talking abt tabieita and their sisters but my mind IMMEDIATELY went to them HAHAHA like imagine being bffs w otoya’s younger sister and knowing exactly what kind of guy he is because she always complains abt him but then you end up falling for him anyways??? or like say karasu’s older sister is only a year or two older than him so you guys are p close in age but you always make fun of him for being a bit younger which makes him feel #mediocre because he’s actually in love w you real not clickbait!!! i thought abt yuki too but he just had to be an only child 😒 or else that trope could honestly work pretty well for him!!

[redr0sewrites]

14, 23, 63 for the ask game!

AAA TYSM!!!! SOOO EXCITED AB THIS EHEHEH!!!! just fyi, these questions are from this post

14. (how do you write emotional scenes? do you ever feel what the characters feel? do you draw from personal experiences?)

when writing emotional things i often do use personal experience or my own feelings, but i also do try to put myself in others' shoes too! i consider myself to be pretty empathetic (to a fault sometimes), and writing too much emotional or negative content def has an effect on me. i always make sure to space out my emotional or angsty writing pieces, and overall it can be a bit challenging handling emotions in my writing!!! i def feel what the characters feel when im writing, esp when it comes to x reader fics cuz i want to make both the readers and the characters personalities as accurate as possible!!!

23. (Best writing advice for other writers?)

WRITE WHAT YOU ENJOY. im serious, if your forcing yourself to write for a fandom, character, or anything at all that you dont enjoy it will be so draining and exhausting!!! you also are NOT obligated to obey other peoples wishes when it comes to writing reqs, trust me when i say that no one else should dictate your writing or writing style. if someone doesn't like your writing, thats their problem and if people are continuously disobeying and disrespecting your requesting rules and guidelines it is VERY MUCH OK to simply not write their requests and to set that boundary. finally, never feel afraid to write or post something if it feels too "cringe" or bad, bc the more you write the more you improve!!! keeping all those ideas and creativity bottled up inside personally made me feel so misunderstood, and i felt like i had nobody who shared my interests. thats why i personally started writing fanfiction, to feel closer to my interests and share them with others!! (also coming from a fanfic writer + reader standpoint, make a masterlist PLEASE it makes finding your fics so much easier and link thirsts as well, not just fics! i see so many good writing blogs with incredible wips or thirsts or asks that i want to read, but have only like 2 fics actually on their masterlist and it takes FOREVER to scroll and find all the posts in the archives. i just find masterlists sm easier and more organized tbh!!!)

63. (something you hate to see in smut.)

THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE OFFENSIVE OR TARGETED, JUST SOME THINGS I DONT LIEK!!! i do some of these in my own writing, dont feel bad if u do this stuff, its just my preference!!!!

now, starting off- when the story starts right in the middle of the smut with NO CLUE where the characters are, what position theyre in, whats going on, like the first sentence is like "i could feel my release building as (character) thrusted into me" HOW? WHERE? WHEN???? WHY????? WHATS GOING ON???? also, when the writer is describing a position or something but 2 paragraphs later the position seems completely different with no context whatsoever- like one second the characters hitting it from the back and the next theyre sloppily making out and rubbing their chests together??? when did they move???? also when theres like NO description at ALL ab the position, liek i NEED to know what im visualizing here😭😭😭 . an unnecessary amount of dialogue is also a no-no for me, like why yall having a discussion arent u fucking😭😭😭😭. AND FINALLY. THE BIGGEST PET PEEVE OF THEM ALL. WHEN ITS TAGGED AS GN BUT THEN THE ANATOMY IS DESCRIBED AS FEM OR MASC LIKE USING COCK OR G SPOT OR PROSTATE ITS SUPPOSED TO BE GN!!!! CAN ALSO BE WHEN ITS TAGGED MALE AND THEIRS FEM ANATOMY AND VICE VERSA, WRITERS PLSSS TAG UR SMUTS ACCORDINGLY I DONT WANT GENDER DYSPHORIA WHEN TRYING TO SIMPLY READ SMUT 💀💀💀

ANYWAYSSSSS TYSM FOR ASKING!!!! FEEL FREE TO SEND IN MORE, I LOVE THIS ASK GAME SM AJSJS

[frostbite-the-bat]

vent post where i overshare and complain about my life below because i wanna distract myself from studying because i'm having a hard time mentally motivating myself to do it !! yippie.

fucking hell only 2 days before my last part of finals and i REALLY dont feel like studying not only bc my mental health as of late aint been the best, my mood being bad today in general, but also just. really REALLY wanting to be over with it. to be over with it successfully i have to try, and i am trying quite hard, but man do i not want to. just a few pitiful days and im over with it. i'm feeling the same pressure as i did when i was about to do my first two finals... i've noticed i'm being a bit more distant in general aside from TRYING TO focus on studying (90% of the time im probably not doing much tbh)

and i just wish these finals were a bit fairer. we have 25 questions, right? well, it's a verbal test, we have like 20 minutes to speak to two teachers who **MAY** ask questions about it PLUS some official we dont know of. a stranger. and 20 minutes to prepare. oh, 25 questions? for that? sounds bad! well, it's only one question! sounds good, doesnt it?

well... you don't know which one you're gonna get. THANKFULLY we have the list of questions available to us - but we have no way of knowing what we may get. we have to prepare for literally anything, because if you slack studying even a singular one, you may get unlucky and that may be the one you're gonna end up stuck with. of course, they will ask questions to squeeze things out of you, and hint stuff...but i am just so worried i won't know. every time i study, there's a bit of something i just... skip over completely. i dont have the time or patience for it. it's too hard... and i spent too much time over working the other answers. like, really overworking on them, with pointless detail.

and that's the thing! we have to say as many details for this as possible... and for many of these questions i can honestly say i'm very confident about answering them! but... the rest, most of this, many of this... it's just so hard. it's too hard. i need to approach it from like... an angle of. just fill in everything a little bit. (forgot to mention, im working out each question in a google doc, as if i was answering it. i will then read through it and study it. re-writing things in my own words makes me remember topics better, and i often re-write a thing over and over for this same reason.)

and just... getting even a bit of something in so i feel fullfilled. but...in theory i should study what i don't know, which is what is so hard. i don't know where to begin. these questions are from all over the place....i always need so many confusing tab open just to answer one question - then close them and get stuff for the other question - but oops! the other half of it needs stuff from the previous ones, great...

and it's just a whole mess, and i am worried i may not make it. well...i did rather well on my actual finals. like, exceptionally well. better than i typically do. like, a B. i never ever get those grades. that's an excellent grade. even if i do not define myself by my grades, it feels good to know i did well on that. but...i know my verbal performance is bad... and for that, it was many topics in one test. okay, study a bit of everything and you're fine. but for this i need... a lot of detail for ONE THING. that i will not know what it'll be. and it's a BIG deciding factor on whether or not i pass.

and it SUCKS. i am so tired. not to mention i have been sleeping less to play games with friends, due to timezones, while attempting to manage my horrible attention span to attempt to study. at least...i am doing something? but i am afraid it won't be enough. it won't be valued. it won't be what i need. i am a person who values my breaks a bunch, and i need them. hell, even writing this was a bad idea as my hands are starting to hurt, making my entire self feel horribly exhausted. i wish i could write down those answers this quickly.

issue is the language barrier - i have managed to switch my thoughts to be mostly in english, and i am a native czech speaker. i really need to read things in czech a little bit more. but just...the motivation. the drive. here my drive is to express my feelings an annoyance, and just get it out of my system so i can focus better. but? for that?

a pointless test, where there is a big chance i will be given something i may be clueless about. i may panic and fuck everything up. and... after this. i do not know what i will do with my life. it's scary stuff.

i both wanna get out of here so i can truly be myself, but also, i have not been taught about life by my parents at all. i need them. even if i wish to escape from them and do what i want...do what i need to get better. glares at my dad. glares back at this post. i do not know how the world works.

i have zero plans. anything i'd want probably wouldn't go through - or they would tell me it's a bad idea, have comments on it, and i'd go back into my little shell again. i'm gonna need a job eventually, but i'd really like to see doctors or something first, because i'm like 99% sure covid from last year cause me to have chronic exhaustion (and probably pains? im in so much pain especially in my legs and arms so easily its unreal. i need to study this more) as well. i can't do shit for too long without spacing the fuck out and trying not to cry because of the pain. i perform badly. i am an anxious mess. however anything health related i ask about is met with "oh we don't need a doctor for THAT" or "oh, stop whining! this is what the real world is like. get used to it. don't sit down, you're so lazy. work hard."

and i don't plan on doing what my school taught me to do and fighting jobs is hard enough already. i am sure my parents won't mind supporting me while being unemployed for a while, but... i know that my dad will pressure me a lot. hell, he joked about it even years ago when my best friend got a summer job before me... and also my parents want me to work at their job. okay good might get nepo babie'd, but uh, issue is! that place works like crazy fucking **12 hour shifts**. i already die at like 4 or less hours of something. what.

and fuck i am so grateful to my friends for supporting me during these times... offering their own help. i am so glad. i am so happy. i could not ask for better people. but... i wish this was more available to me in real life. i am rotting my fucking brain online only because the only support i get is here... everywhere else i am unwanted. and i was never taught to ask for help. if i ever wanted anything...or asked for help. it was denied or ignored... they always say you can tell me anything, if there's trouble tell me, but then you tell them and...

all you get called is "you're so sensitive" "oh boys will be boys" "oh come on get over it" "you have to try harder than that". and!! man. it is hard. its so hard. i just wanna lay down... for a whole year....do nothing. hibernate all that time. have zero life worries... everyone has these, but. i hate that life played the cards to make it this difficult for me... and. a lot of it is invisible.

i hide it. i mask it. or it didn't pop up until now... nobody will believe me if i tell them these issues i am facing. it's not enough to need help for them. "there's others who face more pain and issues in their life than you" "you don't seem like you need it". constantly stuck...in this. it does require actual speaking out, yes...but if your whole life, you ask for the smallest things, and it's not delivered upon...you just learn to stop asking. you know who to not ask and who to ask. it's horrible.

not to mention some issues i can get in actual danger with if it comes out. like i don't know. me being queer? that's one of the main things holding me back this much.

like. once i am done with this school. these finals. if i pass them. i am done. i have no plans after. i am sure i will... find something. it wont be easy. but... ill have to do it. sadly.

no plans at all. how am i supposed to be motivated to do even such a simple task as studying when i know in the end it may not even matter... i hate all of this so much. i wish i wasnt this way. i hate these things about myself. i love being a wacky little weirdo, but. i wish the world was easier to live in. i hate all of this shit. i hate that this world is built to be hard for someone like me. especially since it's not seen as hard enough to most... it ends up making me feel even worse. it's not fun.

i just wish it was all easier. i wish that at least today i could do the things i want. but i dont get to it. it sucks so bad. i have like zero energy left and i have to push through. i have to. or else i wont pass. that will cause more issues... it's. horrible. sigh. i'll....i'll stop now. at least i got all these thoughts out of my brain. i am repeating myself. nothing is there. despite my low energy, and me ALREADY pushing myself a lot, it's probably the most ideal time for me to do something. so. i guess i'll try. only because i have to. i hate this. i'm so scared of the future...

[mm-words]

i looked in the mirror the other day and i really focused in on the fact that I’m transitioning. and what a perfect word to describe this process. A transition. I never would’ve thought my third year of transitioning would be me picking apart my social transition. I think now more than ever I’ve felt in between. Like i don’t really belong on either side. Im not hyper feminine so i don’t always feel in place with the ladies. And I’m definitely not hyper masculine so i don’t feel in place with men (i’d prefer not to be actually). It’s like - things that normally wouldn’t have been a problem, are now a bit more aggressive I guess?? I feel, the more I physically change, the more my inflections show. Or the more my attitude shows. Three years ago me breaking into conversation wouldn’t have come off so aggressive, but now it’s a little overbearing. Or raising my tone mid sentence catches people off guard. Sometimes i just say simple statements and they sound dry when I’m really just speaking. The difference a deeper voice and facial hair can make. My 23 years of living as a woman is a part of who i am. It’s what makes me, me. It’s what makes my experience so special and so interesting. The wisdom and gentleness I received from being born a woman is something that never leaves me. The essence of femininity is still something i feel very deeply and I connect with.

The way my brain processes general information and feelings now … is honestly terrible. But I’ll only blame about 40% of that on the hormones. There’s nothing worse than still feeling all the same emotions as before but not being able to constructively release that. I cant write like i used to. I can make art like i used to. I try to take pictures all the time but it just doesn’t feel the same right now. Work takes up so much of my time. I barely have time to think. Taking care of myself has become another chore now bc i don’t have time to focus on anything else. I feel so lacking in my feelings and my emotions. Lacking in my romanticism and my expressions. And that really fucking sucks bc a lot of the time, I’m actually way more emotional than i was before transitioning. I know who i am, i just forgot for a while.

To just feel so trapped by society from different angles is …… a lot. being targeted by society for being trans, for simply existing. Being worked to death for the sake of masculinity and corny ass grind culture. There’s nothing i hate more than working. It’s so exhausting. It’s literally sucking the life and joy out of me. My free time isn’t even mine. There’s nothing harder than doing physical labor all day and then coming home to clean or cook - basic things just to survive. It’s so tiring just to fold clothes and sweep. My fucking bed has been sitting at my mothers house since christmas and it’s always the absolute LAST thing on my mind. Half the time it’s like my mind isn’t even mine. It’s so disconnected. I can’t remember anything. And it’s very frustrating. And it’s frustrating when everyone else is frustrated bc you forgot. I have so many things to keep up with, so many things to do, there’s always something to be paid for, there’s always something that needs to be fixed. There’s always something that I’m responsible for. In a way, i feel kinda responsible for the house now. Bc of my masculinity. But I genuinely….. have no idea wtf im doing. I never got to learn the masc fixer upper bullshit when i was younger. Im learning as i go.

[moonlightreddie]

BESTIE! hello!

I saw that you were back online and I had to give you the good news! I am finally in the process of writing my first actual fic! <33 it’s a byler fic but I will admit that I am stealing some stuff from my greatest hits (aka my favorite reddie hcs I sent to you <3) lol

have you gotten around to finishing the last four episodes? I’m surprised you were able to stop when you did, I was so hooked I watched the whole 4th season in one sitting :,)

anyway yeah, I just wanted to lyk bc you’re one of the main reasons I’m even attempting this! your encouragement and support on my silly little drabbles really gave me the push I needed to get out there and write. as much as I love drawing and creating art, I’ve always had an inclination towards writing so, ig what I’m trying to say is thank you! you’re awesome and I love you and I miss you!

Happiest of Halloweens Sunny! <33

-🫀

OMGGGG BESTIE HII I AM SO SORRY ;-; I SAW THIS ASK WAY BACK WHEN YOU FIRST SENT IT BUT THEN I WENT ON MY BREAK AND WHEN I CAME BACK I FORGOT TO REPLY BECAUSE I DONT GET MANY ASKS ON THIS ACC SO I FORGOT ARHBFAEJRHABFEB IM SORRY!!!!

aaahh how is the fic going?? i'd love to read any snippets you have if you're comfortable!! obvs you don't have to share if you don't want to, but id love to hear about what the fic is of (aka which of your greatest hits you've chosen to include!!)

everyone is gonna be so mad at me for this..... but...... i still haven't finished s4 yet ;-; I KNOW I KNOW ITS TERRIBLE sjhebrks its just that it hasn't felt ??? like the right time to watch it if that makes sense ??? like when i first started s4 i only got a few episodes in before i became very busy with work, which made me very exhausted and when i came home i'd only be in the mood to watch lighthearted things sjafbksjdfa. so then i told myself that i would save it and watch it in the fall, bc yknow ~spooky season~ but then ofc all of october was very busy as well with school this time, so again i didn't have much free time to watch it :[ and now it's almost december ;-; i have been ACHING to watch it, but i've just been wanting to save it for when im in a good mood to watch it, yknow??? so right now im planning to binge it during winter break! i only have 4 more weeks of school so i just need to get through that and then i can watch it :] im very excited!! please bear with me,,, the slowest st watcher in the world,,

and bestie!!! you're going to make me cry!!! i feel so honoured that i've had some sort of part in helping you write this fic :'] but you are already such a great writer, your ideas are just *chefs kiss* and literally every time i see you in my inbox i KNOW im about to read something great, so you should really be proud of YOURSELF!!! you have always had it in you, im glad you were finally able to take the step to start writing your first real fic <3 mwah!

[number1mingyustan]

Moonlight ☾

bandmate!taehyun x fem!reader

Genre: famous!au, fwb!au, smut

Warnings: oral (f.), fingering (f.), brief handjob, protected sex

Summary: You and your bandmate help each other out from time to time.

Word Count: 1.4k

(a/n: no not proofread but for this one imagine txt🤝chase atlantic. also this took so long to write bc i kept changing the plot sorry im indecisive and i still don’t know if i like it 🫡)

“Y/n, for track 6 you and Tae are gonna lead vocals together,” Yeonjun tells you as he hands you a beer.

“What?” you question. “I’ve done backup like twice, why am I lead?”

You’re all seated in Yeonjun’s apartment. You and Beomgyu are seated on the floor in front of the couch. Kai Yeonjun and Taehyun are all on the couch as the 6 of you watch a movie.

“The song needs a female voice and you’re the only girl. So you and Taehyun need to figure out a schedule to rehearse and record or whatever because the managers want it by next Wednesday.”

You turn around, facing Taehyun who’s seated behind you. He gives you a quick glance and a not, mouthing “it’ll be fine.”

You turn back quickly, training your eyes on the screen in front of you. Maybe it really won’t be that bad.

_______________

It ended up being worse than you thought. It was Friday night and you and Taehyun had spent the last hour and a half in his apartment trying to figure out this song.

You had little experience with singing and it was so hard for you to just ‘let go.’ In the band, Kai played drums, Yeonjun on Guitar, Beomgyu on Bass and you on the keys. Taehyun was the lead singer who occasionally played the strings with Yeonjun.

You’d done some backup vocals on songs before, but they were mostly hidden, which was very different than what you were facing now.

It was getting late and you were still struggling. They gave you an entire verse to sing by yourself. You didn’t necessarily sound bad, you simply lacked the confidence and it was reflecting in your performance.

“Hello?” Taehyun snapped his fingers. “Earth to Y/n.”

“Oh,” you say, snapping out of your thoughts. “Sorry.”

Aside from the singing itself, Taehyun’s presence was also making it difficult for you to concentrate. What no one else knew (including your own band mates) was that you and Taehyun had established a relationship that was more than the facade of friendship you two posed.

At least 3 times a week for the last few months you and Taehyun had been hooking up. Your relationship was no strings attached, and purely sexual after one extremely intoxicated night.

Your band had just released your second album and it changed everything. Unexpectedly you guys had blown up literally overnight. Per Yeonjun’s idea a huge party was thrown to celebrate your guys’ new found success. Thus an unnecessary amount of alcohol and drugs consumed, leading to you spending the night with one of your band mates.

With being insanely attractive and now famous, Taehyun alongside the rest of the group started to have fans. And unlike the other members, Taehyun never sought relief in groupies after that night at the party. Because he had you.

Well, partially. Taehyun’s never been the ‘hook up with strangers’ type. He liked familiarity and at least somewhat of a connections with the people he was sleeping with. And when you walked right into his bed, he knew this wasn’t something he wanted to let go of.

Granted, neither of you were looking for a commited relationship of the sort. But the sex was good and you two were comfortable with each other inside and outside of the bedroom.

He kept coming back. What started off as a one night mistake turned into an addiction. The two of you simply couldn’t keep your hands off one another.

“Alright,” he says getting up and walking to the kitchen. He comes back with two waters, handing you one of them. “Think we need a little break.”

You sigh out of exhaustion. “No it’s fine,” you protest. “We can try it one more time, I got it.”

He raises an eyebrow. “It’s getting late, just stay the night and we’ll work on it more tomorrow. You’re clearly exhausted so let’s just get some sleep yeah?”

You fake a gasp. “You really must want me in your bed Mr.Kang.”

He rolls his eyes at you playfully. “Last time I checked it wasn’t difficult to get you there anyway.”

You push him playfully. Your actions take him by surprise, causing him to stumble back. He catches himself, returning the favor and pushing you back. You let out another dramatic gasp, hitting him.

The two of you go back and forth, hitting and shoving one another until you find yourself pinned down on the floor of his apartment. His hands are intertwined with yours as he hovers over your body.

You wriggle beneath him, trying to free yourself of his grasp. Realizing this is a battle you won’t win, you attempt to change the subject.

“Tae,” you breathe. “We have to work on the song.”

He lets out a low chuckle. “Now you wanna work on the song?”

He’s amused nonetheless. He can see right through you.

“Sure you don’t wanna go to bed?” he asks.

Oh shit.

____________________

“Shit Tae,” you hiss.

His face is buried between your thighs. You grip his bedsheets desperately in an attempt to keep yourself grounded. You know how much he hates it when you move around when he’s working his tongue on you.

His tongue is wrapped around your clit, sucking on the sensitive bud as his fingers work wonders on you. He relishes in your taste, overwhelmed with satisfaction from the sheer amount of arousal spilling out of you in such a short amount of time.

You tug at his platinum hair frantically, letting out pleas and whimpers. “More- Fuck I’m so close.”

He looks up at at you, acknowledging your needs with a small smile. He picks up the pace of his fingers, pumping inside of your needy hole just the way you like it. He mumbles a “anything for you.”

Despite carrying the vocals of the group, Taehyun’s knowledge of the stringed instrument came in handy at times like this. Literally.

He allows you to ride out your high on his skillful tongue and fingers. You cry out as the pleasure washed through your body. Your eyes roll back into your head, back arching off the bed as he takes you to another place.

Your eyes flutter open once you finally come down from your high, only to be met with Taehyun’s. He’s hovering over you, ridding himself of his shirt.

“You okay?” he licks his lips.

You nod at him, pulling his face down to meet yours in a needy kiss. He’s quick to reciprocate, kissing you back just as hastily. You reach your hands down, pulling his boxers down enough to let his length spring free.

“Fuck,” he cusses against your lips.

You pump him slowly with an outstretched hand without breaking the kiss. He groans against your lips. His hand taps the dresser adjacent to you, opening it and pulling out a box with minimal movement.

He pulls out a wrapper, finally sitting up and breaking your heated kiss. You lay there breathlessly as he rips open the package and slides the latex down his length.

You feel him slip in, slowly stretching out your insides. Your hands grip his bare body tightly as you feel him full you up.

His body hovers over yours, and it’s not long before you feel him moving inside of you. His thrusts start off slow, gradually picking up in pace.

You were a mess under his touch. Whimpering and moaning incessantly as he fucked you. The moonlight beamed from the uncovered windows, illuminating his skin.

The air around you were crisp and cool, but your body felt like it was on fire. You were particularly sensitive. Every small touch and movement brought you closer to the blissful feeling you so desperately craved.

He groans into your neck, hips faltering in rhythm. You know he’s close too.

It’s not long before you’re crying out his name and squirming beneath him as you ride out your high. Your hips push into his and he feels you tighten around him.

Your movements quickly send him over the edge too. The two of you moan in unison as your orgasms shock waves of pleasure through your bodies simultaneously.

He pecks a kiss on your forehead before getting up to dispose of the now very full condom. He plops down onto the bed next to you, pulling your body into his.

Your fingers find his dyed hair, raking through his soft locs. It’s pretty unusual for you two to be so soft and touchy after sex. It’s rare that either of you have ever bothered to do so much as stay the night.

But for some reason you’re finding an inexplicable amount of comfort from him. It’s quiet, but not awkward. The two of you sinfully enjoy one another’s presence until you fall asleep under the moonlight.

_______________________________________________

© number1mingyustan - Do not repost without permission.

[cat3ch1sm]

🍃| hello, everyone! im simplysober (also @simplys0ber on this app) and bc i have no life i write smut. mostly death note stuff and maybe some other stuff as well? idk we'll just see how this pans out:)

🌿| without further ado let's get into my first smut- light yagami x female reader. light wants to throw I and the task force off his trail so he recruits you to help...

🌳| heavily inspired by @sugarylawliet <3 im literally basically rewriting their story bc i loved it sm and wanted to try something like it<33 this idea is not originally mine!! it is @sugarylawliet !! go check them out rn

🍈| ft. comments from ryuzaki

💚| reader is a friend of light's that is very familiar with the task force and ryuzaki- although they are not familiar with you.

🍀| hope you guys enjoy! and i take requests, any at all except non-con/underage/inc3st. which i think should be obvious lmao.. enjoy, ily<33

light yagami x reader smut

"Light, this is gross," you told the tall, brooding student next to you as the both of you walked beside one another to Light's house. "You really want the task force and L to see us-" you cut yourself off and assumed a disgusted expression as the gravity of the idea hit you once again like a bucket of ice water to the face. "I feel like there are so many much better and way less weird ways to throw the task force off of your trail."

"It'll only be this once," Light assured you, not meeting your eyes but keeping his gaze firmly ahead, eyes dark and narrowed as usual. "You know the majority of the task force and how they operate. They need a reason for me to be so paranoid about someone coming into my bedroom- and the dirty magazines aren't doing the trick; I can tell. But if I'm bringing a girl home- it's believable, and if you're in the room with me while we're 'messing around,' they'll feel like it's an invasion of privacy because you're a woman."

You wrinkled your nose but made no further comment on that as you made the turn around the corner to Light's house. "Ryuzaki won't. He'll keep watching us, invasion of privacy or not."

"Not if he's outvoted by every other member," Light countered, finally facing you. "And this needs to be really convincing. I can't have L keep getting in my way. It's unethical, inefficient, and frankly, it's aggravating." He lifted an eyebrow at you. "You know your script, correct?"

You sighed, mentally searching for another excuse- but found that your mind was empty concerning that matter. "Yes, I know what to do. If your mom and sister are home, we say we're going to study. If they aren't home, we proceed as planned." You rubbed your temples in exhaustion and rolled your eyes. "Please stop asking. I can't believe I let you talk me into this when we aren't even dating."

Light smirked at you, making your face grow a little hot. As Light's house grew closer and closer, you dropped your shoulders and groaned.

"I feel like a pornstar already," you muttered with displeasure. Light chuckled beside you as he lifted a finger to his lips and unlocked the front door.

Light stepped inside the house, you right on his heels. He motioned for you to stay put as he surveyed the house- no noise or movement. Nobody seemed to be home- Sayu was likely still at school while Mrs. Yagami had probably gone out to run errands- good. That would make getting you upstairs without being interrogated a lot easier.

You and Light began a normal conversation, discussing mundane things like school and some chatter about the recent events concerning the mass murderer Kira. You weren't talking about anything that would arouse suspicion in anybody watching you right now. You could practically feel L's wide, baggy eyes on you- and you knew there were probably hundreds of cameras and listening devices in the house.

At the task force headquarters, L cocked his head at the screen, his expression betraying nothing. "Light Yagami has arrived at home," he announced in his usual monotone, and with interest, Soichiro and Matsuda gathered around the screens. "And he has a girl with him." L watched your grainy image on the screen as you talked and laughed with Light, intrigued. The gears in his mind were already turning. "Perhaps now we can find out what he was trying to hide so adamantly."

Matsuda startled. "Hey, maybe she's what he was trying to hide! She's kinda pretty..."

Soichiro shook his head. "Don't be ridiculous...he wouldn't hide a possible love interest from me." His eyebrows furrowed. "Right?"

You and Light trailed up the steps and down the hallway to his bedroom, setting your bags gently down against the wall in a neat line.

"Tell me," Light suddenly said aloud, "do you believe that I am Kira?"

L jolted. Huh? Why was Light saying something like this out loud to you- you weren't familiar to L. Maybe Light was just thinking out loud? It seemed normal for something as big as this to bother someone Light's age so much that he started saying things out loud... but it wasn't a Light thing. L was finding this whole thing with you weird already- but he had promised Soichiro that he wouldn't let his theories and suspicions run rampant. For now, he would put that in the back of his mind.

You arched a brow at him, crossing your arms across your chest as he took a step toward you. Your back was to him, but your peripheral vision was ridiculously clear- he was easy to spot. "No. Should I?"

"Maybe you should."

You jerked around in surprise. "Huh?"

Your face almost ran straight into Light's, and without thinking, you backed up instantly with a small gasp- but before you could fully turn away, Light took you by the waist and threw you so roughly to his bed that breath actually escaped you before Light's fingers began to dance over your stomach and sides, starting to tickle your exposed skin as your baggy black T-shirt had been lifted up and now only covered your bra.

"Light- Light, no, p-please-" you pleaded between giggles, squirming desperately to escape his grasp, legs writhing. Light only shot you a self-satisfied smile as his eyes darkened with lust- a very new expression to you as you two had never been more than friends.

You kept begging and wriggling and noticed Light was deriving pleasure from seeing you wriggling helplessly beneath him- you could tell- and it was then that you knew he was going to absolutely ruin you.

Remembering what the plan was and suddenly recalling the cameras that were definitely in the room, you fought off the ticklish sensation on your skin, taking a second to gather some air, and cupped Light's cheeks in your hands, bringing his lips to yours firmly. Light deepened the kiss as he slowly stopped tickling you and began to massage your abdomen sensually where he had just tickled you, making you gasp and then moan lightly into his mouth, your body suddenly going limp.

L's eyes squinted as he leaned forward a little bit. "I suppose that is to be expected- he's giving us a reason why he's so careful about his room being entered." Your moans were faintly audible on the monitor as L blinked expressionlessly at the screen- much in contrast to Matsuda and Soichiro, who had either averted their eyes or covered them and were both blushing madly now.

"I don't think we should be watching this," Matsuda mumbled in embarrassment from behind the hand he was using to cover his eyes.

"Agreed...perhaps we should give them some privacy, Ryuzaki..." Soichiro muttered, staring at the ground intently to try and divert his attention from what was going on over the cameras. This was not something he wanted to witness his son doing.

"I know this is likely quite awkward," L told Matsuda and Soichiro, glancing at each of them in turn, "but if this helps us get one step closer to catching Kira, it will soon be worth it."

Light broke away from your lips, making you whine just a little bit- but then moved toward your ear and hissed, "Remember, L is watching- so be sure to give him a show."

One corner of your lips turned up as you nodded covertly in agreement. "That means you'll have to be a hell of a director," you whispered back, tongue running over your top teeth.

Light raised an eyebrow in an "Oh, really?" manner, and leaned in to nibble on your ear slightly, eliciting a tiny gasp from you. Then he lowered his head to kiss and suck on your neck- which he was surprisingly and maddeningly good at.

His hot tongue tracing across the sensitive skin of your neck along with his wet lips kept your light moans consistent as you rolled your head back. "Light... don't stop, please..." You weren't one to beg, ever- but God, did his mouth feel good.

"I can't believe you're already such a mess," Light remarked with a smirk, planting a sucking kiss on a certain spot on your collarbone that made you jolt. He noticed the new reaction- and started to swirl his tongue around that area, slowly torturing the spot with licks, sucks, and kisses, making you cry out. "Ah- ah, Light- please don't stop, please.. "

To patronize you, Light sucked one last time on your skin, which was now turning into a shade of reddish-purple- a hickey. He then pulled away, making you exhale shakily and then blush, knowing how out of character that was for you. But you were too out of it to explain yourself.

Light made a goading pouty face at you from above you, and you had to avert your gaze, flustered. "Aren't we a mess," Light crooned mockingly, running his index finger down your parted lips. You were now stretched out vertically on his bed, still fully clothed- which was what Light intended to remedy next.

Light slipped his hands under your abdomen, running his hands up your stomach and making his fingers wiggle every once in a while, tickling you again. You only whimpered when you felt the tickling feeling return, and Light rolled his eyes at you.

"And here I thought you were the tough one- but you're more sensitive than everyone." He chuckled, and you wanted to deny it- but there was no point.

This wasn't acting anymore.

Light swiftly slid your bra down your back and off of your body, your shirt following close behind. Light took a brief second to look over your exposed chest- and smiled. "Well, aren't you pretty," he cooed, and he took his finger and began to trace circles around your nipple, hardening it almost instantly. Then he gave the same treatment to the other one, and it responded the same way.

"Okay, now can we turn this thing off?" Matsuda groaned, covering his head with his hands and rocking back and forth. "This is getting seriously uncomfortable, Ryuzaki..."

L did not respond, only continued to examine the footage like it wasn't displaying what it was displaying.

"I take it that's a no," Soichiro mumbled, still keeping his bespectacled gaze firmly on the ground. "It is bad enough you suspect my son of being Kira- now you make us watch this?"

"Look how your body responds to my touch," Light purred, shifting so that his lips hovered over yours again, only inches away. "It already knows that you belong to me." Without warning, he dropped his head down above your breast and began to move in circles around it with his tongue while also massaging both with his hands.

"Mm- Light!" you cried. You had never had someone do this to you before, and the feeling was new yet intoxicating. Light looked up from your chest to flash you an infuriating wink, and with that he continued on, alternating from one breast to the other with his tongue and occasionally sucking on the nipple as well between his teeth.

"Oh my god, Light..." you groaned, pushing your chest further into his mouth. You placed your hands in his hair and wrapped his brown locks around your fingers. "Feels so good...please..."

"You're so needy... I didn't know this side of you existed," Light commented, his eyes glimmering seductively as he suddenly gave your right breast a hard squeeze and making you jump. Then he let go of your breasts and lifted his head to begin leaving light kisses down your stomach and thighs, making you shiver and your legs start to curl up- but Light forced your legs back down and apart, removing your black shorts without a second thought.

All you were wearing now was your underwear.

Your panties were skimpier than you usually wore- all of your clothes were modest and didn't reveal much skin. But, since you hadn't had much of a chance to do laundry lately, this pair was one of your last ones: black and lacy and so small it was more of a thong than a pair of underwear.

Knowing you probably wouldn't last very long if Light made it to your most sensitive area, you placed one of your thighs over the other, attempting to block Light from reaching there. "Light, I-"

"Spread your legs," Light ordered, bending down at the foot of the bed so that his head was in between your legs.

Your eyes narrowed in defiance, your stubborn side coming to light. Being ordered around wasn't something you could even pretend to be fond of.

"No." You sat up, glaring at Light with furrowed brows. "You can't-"

But before you knew it, Light had grabbed you by the neck and slammed your body back down to the mattress, his lips brushing yours ever so slightly after you hit the bed. You gasped, instinctively bringing your hands up to Light's wrist; your eyes widened at the rough and unexpected gesture. You made a lame attempt to wriggle from beneath Light- but obviously, no such luck. When had Light been able to pin you so easily?

"I suppose I'll have to take matters into my own hands, then, it seems," Light observed casually before you felt his hand leave your neck and begin to slowly and lightly trail down your exposed thighs, making you shiver as his hands finally came to a stop right above your panties. Light made no further move, hovering there to watch you squirm.

"I really don't like you sometimes, you know that?" you informed him contrarily, propping your upper body up on your elbows to look directly at Light, whose head was in between your thighs. You could feel his hot breath in between your legs, making your own breathing a little unsteady.

"You'll like me a lot more after I'm finished with you," Light replied smoothly, his voice dripping with lust. Then he hooked a single finger around your panties, pulled them to the side, and plunged his tongue into your wet folds.

"Oh-" You fell back onto the bed, the rising annoyance in your chest dissolving and turning into pleasure as you felt his hot tongue running over your most sensitive place. Light's eyes looked up to gauge your reaction, and apparently liking what he saw, he began to lick up and down your slit.

"I suppose I'll have to take matters into my own hands, then, it seems," Light observed casually before you felt his hand leave your neck and begin to slowly and lightly trail down your exposed thighs, making you shiver as his hands finally came to a stop right above your panties. Light made no further move, hovering there just to watch you squirm.

"I really don't like you sometimes, you know that?" you informed him contrarily, propping your upper body up on your elbows to look directly at Light, whose head was in between your thighs. You could feel his hot breath in between your legs, making your own breathing a little unsteady.

"You'll like me a lot more after I'm finished with you," Light replied smoothly, his voice dripping with lust. Then he hooked a single finger around your panties, pulled them to the side, and plunged his tongue into your wet folds.

"Oh-" You fell back onto the bed, the rising annoyance in your chest dissolving and turning into pleasure as you felt his hot tongue running over your most sensitive place. Light's eyes looked up to gauge your reaction, and apparently liking what he saw, he began to lick up and down your slit, head bobbing.

"Ah, Light!" you cried as your fists clenched around the bed sheets, pleasure rolling through your entire body. How was he so good at this- you were only supposed to be acting out for the cameras, but you found you didn't have to exaggerate even a little bit; your toes curled and your legs quivered. If Yagami was acting, he didn't show it. "Light- god, Light, don't- Light, d-don't stop, please-"

Light momentarily stopped his tongue and peered up at you, lips parted and gasping. His lips spread into a smirk as he teasingly ran a finger down your vagina, rubbing your wet entrance a little, making you moan.

"You sound so pretty when you're moaning my name," Light remarked, his voice low and sultry. You didn't reply, trying to keep the sounds escaping your lips down. His eyes gleamed with lust as he once again opened his mouth and set back to work with his tongue now swirling around your throbbing clit, more sensitive than ever as you were very turned on.

"Ah!" Your mouth formed into the shape of an "O" as you gripped the bedclothes more tightly, pleasure overwhelming you and making you forget about your desire to keep the volume to a minimum. "Light- Light, oh, my god, right there, p- please don't stop, don't stop..." You sat up long enough to dig your nails into his brown hair, grinding into his tongue with your hips to relish in the ecstasy.

"Well, that's certainly something..." L remarked with some interest as he witnessed Light give you oral. "Light never seemed like the type... but not what I'm looking for..." He bit his thumbnail, still in his usual crouching position on his swivel chair. Not even looking at them, L addressed Matsuda and Soichiro, who were both now visibly flushed, a light sheen of sweat coating their faces. "Matsuda-san - you may leave if you wish. However, Yagami-san, I do need you here for legal reasons, but you can close your eyes and plug your ears if you wish."

Matsuda reeled. "Hey! I want to be useful- if watching this porn mov- I mean, very classified security footage means that I'm not just dead weight, then I'm staying put."

L turned his head to look at Matsuda emotionlessly for a few seconds, then turned back to the screen, not showing any signs of having heard the man. Matsuda stubbornly spun around in his own chair and faced the screen firmly, arms folded across his chest as he stared down the grainy footage, eyes squinted. But he couldn't prevent a dust of pink blush from fading into visibility on his face upon hearing your breathless moans.

Light began to flick his tongue over your clit faster while using two fingers to rub up and down your hole, getting them slick with your juices before sliding it into your tight entrance easily, then curling them to reach your g-spot; he began to rub it as well, moving back and forth.

You clapped a hand over your mouth as a brief jolt of pain hit you when Light's middle and ring fingers entered you, stretching your walls slightly- but it was quickly replaced by almost unbearable pleasure as you felt your pleasure center being caressed inside of you.

"Light! Oh, ah... " Your moans began to fade into whines and whimpers as the feeling began to build up, and your vision faded in and out from the overpowering sensations; your nails dug even deeper into Light's hair. "Please, more, don't stop, p- please don't stop, Light, oh-" You knew how desperate you sounded- and so did Light- but this feeling was absolutely amazing, and you genuinely didn't want him to stop.

Light withdrew his fingers, eliciting a whine from you, and winked at you mockingly before putting the fingers in his mouth, sucking your liquids off of them roughly with a smile. "Don't you taste good," Light hissed, sliding his tongue into your entrance and replacing his fingers. He twirled the hot appendage inside of you, licking your walls and hitting every spot that made you whine and shake.

Meanwhile, Matsuda's face was the color of a tomato, watching you get eaten out by his chief's son and moaning constantly. It didn't help that you were actually pretty either- it only flustered Matsuda more.

"Okay, this is me begging," Matsuda pleaded, folding his hands in a prayer-like position at L. "Can. We. Please. Stop. Watching. This?!"

"I thought you didn't want to be dead weight, Matsuda-san," L drawled, not even looking at him. "This is how you pull your weight. You will never be a good law enforcement officer if something as minimal as this makes you uncomfortable." But there could be pale shades of pink seen on L's pale cheeks as well as he continued to view the live security cameras.

You actually shrieked upon feeling his tongue within your body and arched your back so high it almost looked like you'd injured it; you whimpered uncontrollably and gasped for air.

But amid your blissful state, you noticed Light was pulling his suit pants down, and then his underwear, revealing his erect and very well-sized member- in fact, you doubted you'd be able to take it. You weren't a virgin- but this was definitely the largest size you'd ever been confronted with.

"L- oh- Light, I- I don't know if I'll be able to-" you started, words choppy and wobbly from the intensity of the pleasure Light was giving you- but he cut you off coldly.

"You will," he stated simply, before abruptly removing his tongue and spearing his hard manhood into you, wrapping his hands around both sides of your waist and hips to move you as he pleased.

First there was the expected pain of the stretching of your walls again, making you wince slightly- and then the pleasure hit as Light began to slowly pulse in and out of you, gradually picking up speed as you adjusted to the size.

"Shit-" Light swore as you felt yourself tighten around him, moving your hips against him with the movement of his hands. "God, you're so tight..." He groaned as he picked up his pace, grunting, which you found ridiculously sexy.

You only had moans and cries to offer in response as his manhood rubbed your g-spot at a much more vigorous pace than his fingers had. The pleasure had overwhelmed you a while ago, and with Light pounding into you, you knew that an orgasm was imminent.

After numerous pleasured curses from Light and continued whimpers from you, you felt your climax approaching, and by the speed that Light was moving, you knew that the same was likely true for him. Saliva was dripping down your chin as your lips remained parted and your face burned- you definitely looked like a mess.

"Light- ugh- Light- Light, oh my god, ah, I'm going to-" And at last, you came in sync with Light, his hot seed emptying into you and your juices squirting all over Light's cock with a loud cry of ecstasy, your vision going white and your whole body seizing. Light emitted a groan as he came himself and collapsed on the bed beside your also limp figure, both of you breathing hard. You could still feel Light's cum dripping from your hole and spit sliding down your chin in a sloppy mess- Light had, as you predicted, ruined you.

L lifted a brow as he surveyed you and Light's flopped-over bodies, his eyes never having left the screen. "Uh, they're done now, Yagami-san- although the girl isn't dressed yet; I suppose I will alert you when it is alright to face the screens again."

Soichiro grimaced, still facing the opposite direction from the TVs, and took a deep breath, pressing his lips together. "Th-thank you, Ryuzaki."

You both tried to catch your breath, the room filled with nothing but strangled panting from Light and occasional whimpers from you; your entire body was limp and exhausted from its mind-blowing orgasm; you felt like closing your eyes and going to sleep.

After a few more minutes of silence, you spoke, breathless.

"Light...that felt... really good."

With a cocky but warm grin, Light rolled over and kissed you on the lips, quickly reaching down and stroking your bare clit again just to tease you, making your legs jump.

"Ah- Light, please," you whined, earlier bravado gone, grabbing his wrist in a weak attempt to stop him.

Light chuckled, smirking. "You were a lot of fun-" he lowered his voice and whispered in your ear while nibbling on it at the same time- "you put on quite the performance for L. Good job." Then he reached down beneath the foot of the bed with a groan of exertion, and plucked your damp black panties from the ground, twirling the garment around his index finger tauntingly- and then he opened a drawer and slipped the piece of cloth inside, a faint smirk on his face the whole time.

"Ah." L murmured, placing his index finger on his chin thoughtfully. "So that's why he monitors his room so intensely. It certainly isn't what I expected- but definitely a valid reason to want to keep family out of your room."

Soichiro grimaced as he watched Light move back toward you. His studious, quiet, intelligent son kept girls' panties after sex- along with many other things Soichiro didn't care to know about. He wasn't even aware Light was sexually active! How much else had Light been able to slip by him?

Still in somewhat of a catatonic state, Soichiro muttered, "Well, he'd better not come to me for child support."

One corner of your lips turned up; you were satisfied as well with your... "performance." But Light had done a little too well- and now you didn't know how you were gonna walk home.

[adorerdraco]

Not My Type (Like You) ✧ Draco x Reader

Request: you should like do a one shot or even another mini series about amortentia/love potions in general. i’d soooo read that

AU SEVENTH YEAR WHERE VOLDY NEVER CAME BACK <3 f**k that mf !

italics are for flashbacks <3 i love them if you couldn’t tell 

Warnings: mean!draco, cursing, more mature themes/ideas, little bit of spice towards the end teehee but not too much bc idk how to write smut to save my life

Words: 4.5K

A/N: I saw a tiktok that kinda inspired this and i couldn’t get the idea out of my heaaaad if anyone knows which one im talking ab send it my way so i can show !!!! ALSO I LOVE THIS ONESHOT I LOVE DRACO AND I AM IN MY FEELINGS this might be my new favoriteeeee

Draco Malfoy was insufferable.

The Prince of Slytherin was unbearable for many reasons, things you've been taking notice of since your first year at Hogwarts when you accidentally had the ”pleasure” of interacting with him when he called you stupid in a class for reciting a spell incorrectly. That day, a hostility blossomed. A hostility that ensued nothing but teasing, mocking, and criticizing that would sometimes go too far and you'd both have to be pulled away from each other by your friends’ before either of you said anything excessively harsh that had no return.

You often felt like Malfoy sought you out to bother you and only for that. You could be sitting in the Quad with friends, conversing and laughing like nothing in the world mattered, and a few minutes later you'd be hurling insults towards the blond across the courtyard after he would yell something infuriating to you with that smug smirk on his face and his goons laughing wildly beside him as if he just said the most hilarious thing they've ever heard. 

On the days you’d ignore him, not having the patience or the energy to deal with him, he would still somehow find a way to push your buttons. Little things here and there like passing you in the corridors and tugging at the ends of your hair gingerly like a child but enough to tick you off or sending you notes from across the class in the form a small fluttering bird with a lousy drawing of you usually with a message along the lines of, “Y/L/N, hopefully, this note finds itself in the nest of hair you have today xx DM.”

In all honesty, there wasn’t a day you didn’t encounter Draco and it’s been that way for seven long years. Neither of you ever gotten tired of mildly or spitefully bullying each other and neither of you ever dreamed of stopping. He was one of the few constants in your daily life, and you in his. It was like you both lived on annoying the other, and in the midst of all the chaos that you brought to one another; there was a small, teeny, tiny acquaintance - not that either of you would ever admit it. You may have noticed it the time you bet each other ten galleons for who would win in the Triwizard Tournament your fourth year and he bet on Viktor Krum while you on Cedric Diggory. (he’s very much alive i refuse to think otherwise.)

“So you’re telling me, your mother is the reason why you’re not at Durmstrang,” you scoffed. “This whole time I could have been saved four years of headaches.”

“You’re just jealous some of us have more opportunities than others,” he snarks back pompously. “Unlike you, I hardly believe you would be graceful enough to even be considered admission into Beauxbatons.”

You had gone to see the last task of the competition just like the rest of the schools, all packed tightly onto the stands and watching carefully the exit of the maze. Naturally, you had arrived with your own friend groups, but somewhere during the time of sitting there and even being a few rows behind the blond and his minions, the two of you had met in the middle bench after he was trying to prove something wrong to you. 

When Cedric appeared back in front of the stands with the glowing Triwizard cup held high over his head in victory and every Hogwarts student loudly celebrating, you had jumped up from your seat and shook wildly an irked Draco beside you. He roughly shrugged your hands off his stiff shoulder, looking up at you with a sneer that you met with a bright beaming smile.

“Pay up, Malfoy!” You held out your hand towards him, opening and closing your fingers to receive the bet money. “I believe it was ten galleons you owe me.”

He begrudgingly reached into his coat pocket and fished out the coins, counting them defeatedly before tossing them into your palm. “What a waste of galleons.”

“Hey, you made the bet,” you reminded him with a still very bright smile. You shoved the money into your pockets, keeping one of the gold coins in between your fingers, and gave him a small hair ruffle that he harshly recoiled from before you turned to jump back up towards the level of stands your friends were originally sitting at.

“Were you really sitting with Malfoy this whole time?” One of your friends questioned when you reached them, a goading smirk on his face.

“Ooooh, she definitely was,” another friend piped up, wiggling her eyebrows. “They’re obsessed with each other.”

“Shut up,” you smack her arm casually, showing the pair the one gold galleon you were holding. “We are not. I was only sitting with him to get my bet money.”

“Sure,” they drawled in unison, sniggering when you threw your head back in annoyance.

You looked down the rows to see the mop of white hair you just sent into disarray. He was slowly descending the stairs of the stands with Crabbe and Goyle following closely behind him. Almost as if he felt your eyes on his back, he turned back to look at you, his cold gray eyes gazing into yours. It was like everything around you went quiet, the only thing in your focus was him and all you could do was stare back. It wasn’t until your friends started stifling laughter and whispering “aww’s” that you snapped out of the short-lived and odd few second trance you were in. He waited for you to do something before he turned back around, and you did - by holding up both hands; the one golden galleon on your left and your middle finger on your right, grinning to yourself when he rolled his eyes throwing you the finger right back before he finally disappeared into the mob of people below.

You were briskly walking down the corridors, books held tightly to your chest with your friend at your side while you made your way to Advanced Potions with Slughorn after Snape finally made his way into the DADA position. It was an easy class, potions being something you had a knack for and it gave you enough leisure to mess with your “favorite” Slytherin who shared it with you. 

“Look there goes your boyfriend,” your friend teases, elbowing your upper arm roughly and nodding her head down towards the hall to the tall blond appearing around the corner and entering swiftly into the class.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” you hiss. “I’m tired of everyone saying that. I hate him and he hates me, end of story.”

“You know when you say you hate him, it just sounds like the opposite,” she says tauntingly. “Besides, hate is a strong word and very misplaced. Maybe, it’s just years of built-up tension that both of you have been too nervous to do anything about.”

“Tension? Yeah, I want to strangle him,” you laugh to yourself at the thought.

“Not that tension, idiot,” she shakes her head, “I mean sexual tension...clearly.”

You gave her a horrified look mixed between being disgusted and being offended. You held your hand over your mouth and pretended to gag as dramatically as you could. “I am appalled that you would even say that. I would rather be locked in a room with Filch and Peeves and hear them argue and fight all day than to be with Malfoy like that.”

“Come on, think about it,” she encourages, stopping the two of you a little ways away from the classroom. “You guys 'hate' each other?” She finger quotes the hate, looking at you with a raised eyebrow. “When you hate someone, you don’t go out of your way to talk to them every day.”

“It’s not like that,” you wave a hand dismissively. “Also, this isn’t a cliche, this is real life. We hate each other, that is all there is to it.”

You picked up the walk again, your friend to following behind you while letting out a deep and exhausted sigh. You couldn’t help but think about what she said, sure, perhaps at one point you thought Draco was attractive with his bright silver hair, his glittering gray eyes, his little button nose that he would crinkle up every other word he spoke in his charming haughty voice, or the way he’d tower over you in the middle of a conversation gone wrong and he’d be talking lowly to you but all you’d be able to focus on was the sweet scent of apples and cologne that radiated off of him.

“No,” you whispered almost silently to yourself, forcing yourself out of your thoughts and shaking your head from side to side as if it was going to get the image out of your head. He was mean, disrespectful, arrogant, and insulted you daily - even if you both laughed about it or gave props for the perfect jabs.

The first thing your eyes landed on when you walked into the dingy Potions classroom was Draco, his focus trained on the ceiling as if he was deep in thought. Just as his eyes were about to flicker down towards you, and sensing that he was about to, you quickly avoided his gaze and concentrated onto Slughorn who was waiting patiently by his desk with a bubbling cauldron for you and your friend to join the crowd in front of him.

“Great! Now that we’re all here,” Slughorn began excitedly, fixing the sleeves of his robes as he grabbed the ladle in the cauldron and began stirring it while continuing his lecture. 

You were trying to listen, capturing only the professor’s last sentence as he called on someone who raised their hand. All attention was thrown out the window when you realized Draco was standing near said classmate, a look of annoyance suddenly clouding his features when his pale eyes met yours.

“What?” He mouthed. You ignored him, trying to turn your concentration back onto Slughorn but nothing he was saying made sense, and right as you caught a word you did understand, a shuffling and an abrupt arm knocking into yours threw you right back out of the loop.

“Watch it,” you snap hushedly when you notice who it is. “Why are you over here?”

“I can’t say hello to my number one fan?” He whispers back, snickering slightly when you scoffed quietly.

“Fan? Says the one who shoved his way through the crowd to come over here,” you grumble, crossing your arms. 

“I hardly shoved,” he mutters. “I only moved because I couldn’t see Slughorn from where I was standing. Not everything’s about you.”

“Really? Because to me, it seemed like you came over here for my attention.”

He let out a breathy chuckle, a patronizing smile making its way onto his face. The type of typical boy smile where his mouth is half agape with his tongue smoothing over his teeth as he stared off across the room with his fingertips rubbing thoughtfully against his jawline as he thought of what to say. You stood still as he bent down, nearing his mouth towards your ear and whispering hotly, “you wish, darling.”

Slughorn sent everyone to their paired tables, and as everyone began moving and Draco sauntered off away from you, you stood stuck there, shocked with the lingering chills that were sent down your spine from your archnemesis’ comment.

“I told you, you’re into each other,” your friend sang expectantly from behind you, grabbing onto your sleeve and directing the two of you towards your table. 

You were working peacefully at your workspace, cutting up, peeling, and crushing the ingredients that your friend was sliding across the surface to you. In the table behind you was where Draco was working annoyingly quiet, tossing the stripped stems of the roses at you that you had to peel, tiny thorns pricking at your ankles through your socks since the bigger thorns had been taken off for the potion. As payback, you would throw back loose extra pearl dust you ground up, giggling tauntingly when he would frown at you for getting the coarse white powder all over his Italian leather shoes and most definitely inside of them as well.

When you, and seemingly the rest of the class, had finally thrown in all the ingredients and the potion promptly finished brewing, beautiful clouds of white and pink smoke began rising from the cauldrons, each one having a lovely scent of first; freshly pressed high-priced linens, then a faint smell of a brand new racing broom out of a box with a freshly polished wood handle that then quickly transformed into a sweet harvest of apples, green specifically, and finally...

“Ugh, gross,” you pinched your nostrils closed, turning your body around and sending a scowl towards Draco’s way. “Malfoy, we get it, your cologne is expensive, now stop spraying it. I was smelling all these wonderful things and you ruined it.”

He arched an eyebrow at you, looking at you as if you were crazy. “Are you mad? I didn’t spray anything, I think you’ve finally lost it.”

“Well you laid it on too heavy this morning then, it reeks in here.”

“You’re one to talk, Y/L/N. Did you bathe yourself in that dreadful perfume you wear just now? And that ghastly lip shiner thing you use,” He sneers, crinkling up his nose. “I can’t even think straight, I might vomit.”

“Lip shiner? It’s called lip balm, you prat,” you retort, crossing your arms angrily. “Either way, I haven’t used or sprayed anything either so-”

“For Merlin’s sake!” Your friend suddenly exasperated loudly from beside you making you briskly whirl around to look at her, a look of pure annoyance etched onto her face. “Are you two really that daft? Honestly? Have you been paying attention to anything other than each other? For instance, the potion we just made?”

This gained the attention of your classmates around you in the surrounding tables, turning their heads slightly but not obviously with small knowing smirks on their faces while they snickered quietly and listened. It was soundless as you reached towards the book in front of your friend, pulling it painstakingly slow towards you in fear of the words that were written on the open page.

“Amortentia,” you muttered glumly as you read the page, pushing it away from you dejectedly as everything began to click.

“The reason you’re both smelling each other is because you’re what the other desires and is attracted to. Wow, what a revelation! As if the whole school didn’t already know.”

You were afraid to turn around. You could feel the cold and hard pair of eyes burning holes onto your back and the immediate amount of whispers and giggles of the people around you. Luckily, Slughorn was busy at the other end of the room, working diligently with another pair of students who managed to mess up their potion. 

“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard,” Draco announces finally.

“What’s so ridiculous about it?” You questioned, your heart falling to the pit of your stomach when you turned again and took notice of the way his lips were curling upwards as if it was the most disgusting thing he could have ever heard.

“Think about it, Y/L/N,” he deadpans. “Why would I ever desire someone like you?”

There had been occasions over the years when you were in this situation. None as drastic and as revealing, but there would be times when friends and others would poke fun and say the exact same thing your friend told you earlier. The usual, “they got the hots for each other!” and you would always brush it off and joke about how you could never, and he’d do the same. It was always amongst laughs and jokes, but as you looked at the Slytherin in front of you - there wasn’t a hint of amusement on his hardened face.

“Piss off, Malfoy,” you seethed, biting down hard on your lip to refrain from lashing out either in tears or in insults, you couldn’t decide. “If I’m so revolting, leave me alone from now on, I mean it.”

“I never said that,” he argues. “You’re just simply not my type.”

For some eerie, awful reason, the words tore into you like a sharpened knife going easily through butter. You were used to his insults, his mocking, his comments about your appearances - but this hurt, and you couldn’t explain why. You thought, for a second, possibly, that maybe your friend was right. Maybe there was a hidden attraction you had for the platinum blond that you buried deep away and one that he had for you. There was no way that was the case now, not at all. 

And for the first time in your life, you couldn’t be more sure of a simple little fact.

You hated him.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

You don’t know how long you spent sitting in Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom, back against the cold tiled wall with your knees brought up to your chest. Your friends had tried to console you after the public rejection and humiliation, but their words only made you feel worse. You felt silly for being so bothered about being rejected by Malfoy, he wasn’t exactly someone you fancied, to begin with.

After dinner, you went off the grid and found yourself where you’re now sitting. The ghostly girl flew restlessly around you, popping out of her stall now and then to chat but then going back into her abyss of nothing when she learned you were still upset. You noticed it made her a little too pleased, considering the fact it was always her who was miserably wailing about her problems in the bathroom. She tried to hide it and let you talk to her about how you felt, but she gave terrible advice most of the time. 

“Well, if it was me, I would have never started fancying someone who was mean to me,” she mumbled. “Like when Paul Wighorn made fun of my hair for a whole year and laughed when I cried. I hated his guts then and I still do now.”

She had a point, but she was also Myrtle. Nothing about the overly dramatic ghost made sense.

“I don’t fancy him, It’s just weird,” you trail off. “I can’t imagine a day without him, even if he is a complete arse. We always joked about how we hated each other, but I didn’t think he actually meant it, I guess.”

“I think you do fancy him, though,” she whispers knowingly in your ear, making you flinch from her cold draft. “Stop denying it, it’ll only keep making you feel worse. Amortentia doesn’t lie, silly. Maybe when you drink it, but before that, all real feelings are there, whether you know it or not.”

You sat quietly, taking in her words before something came crashing down onto you like a wall of bricks.

“I suppose that means he’ll have to stop denying it too,” she adds thoughtfully. 

“Myrtle,” you rush to get up, smoothing your hair down profusely and fixing the wrinkles in your clothes. “You’re a genius.”

“I am?” She asks excitedly. “What did I say?”

You waved her off, giving her another thank you before rushing out of the bathroom and into the empty corridors. You were trying to go back to your dorm to sleep, hoping that when tomorrow came you would be bold enough to confront the Slytherin Prince but it was thirty minutes past curfew, something you didn’t notice until you were bustling down the steps in a rush and came face to face with the man of the hour himself doing his Prefect patrolling duties.

“Go to your dorm, Y/L/N,” he sneers. “I’ll take away house points, don’t test me,”

“I don’t believe you.”

“That I’ll take away house points? Watch me. Five-”

“No, you twat,” you groan, swatting his arm with your hand. “I don’t believe that I’m not your type.”

He stayed wordless for a moment, biting the inside of his cheeks and clenching his jaw as he peered down at you from his lanky height. “Why not?”

“Because I didn’t think you were my type until the amortentia made me aware of it,” you answer quietly. “Actually, my friend had a hand in it, but it was mostly the potion.”

Silence, again. Still and deadly. You could hear the large clocks around the school tick and tock, the hundreds of paintings snoring peacefully or chattering quietly. You avoided looking up at the boy in front of you, all of a sudden feeling small under his gaze until you felt cold fingers brush against your cheekbone and then softly through your hair causing you to finally look up into the soft wandering almost blue eyes. 

“I didn’t find out with the amortentia,” he muttered almost reluctantly as if it was the most difficult thing he had to reveal. “I’ve known I’ve liked you for a while.”

“How long is a while?” You curiously wonder aloud.

“I’m not telling,” he smirks. “Perhaps you’ll figure it out one day.”

Both hands came up to rest on your cheeks, slightly cold but soft and tender. It sent chills throughout your body as he took a step closer to you and then closer, backing you carefully into the diagonally ascending stone wall that went in the direction of the stairs. Your breathing was getting uneven, you noticed the way you accidentally switched to manually forcing yourself to inhale and exhale normally when he leaned down with his face now being mere centimeters from yours. It was torture, having your eyes closed and feeling the way his nose was brushing against yours, minty breath warm against your lips as he ghosted over them with his. He was so close, you smelt everything that was in the damn potion that got you here. It sent flutters of warmth down your body, trickling down and seeping deeply into every bone in your body as if this is was the remedy its been needing. This is what you’ve been missing.

When you finally felt a soft pair of lips being pressed into yours, it felt almost unreal that you were there. It was awkward the first couple of seconds, both of you wondering how in the world had you gotten yourselves in this position, but after you relaxed and he found his Prince of Slytherin confidence - it was magic. His lips moved languidly against yours, affectionately and full of longing. He kept his hands on your cheeks, still timid to move anywhere else while you kept yours resting lightly on his sides. It scared you a little, how fast and how easily you melted into each other, like if this was something you’ve been doing with him for years rather than torment the other for laughs. 

You hated the feeling when he pulled away, a gust of freezing castle air passing through the space between you and cooling your lips and face from his contact. His hands dropped down to his sides and he looked down at you with a small smile, a teeny bit smug, but happy. You wanted to feel the same way, but a question still loomed over your head, overpowering the giddiness you were vividly feeling.

“Why did you lie earlier?” You question softly, directing your gaze to the floor. “In class, I mean.”

He thought about his answer for a second, sighing deeply when he realized he had to uncover more truths about himself to you. You took a mental observation at that, he didn’t like to talk about feelings. “You didn’t say anything. Didn’t even look at me. I thought I’d beat you to it and reject you before you could reject me.”

“What made you think I’d reject you?” You coaxed. “Other than the fact that I made you a sworn enemy at eleven.”

“Exactly that,” he laughed lightly. “You’re unpredictable, Y/N.”

You smiled to yourself at the realization that he finally used your first name. “So are you, Draco.”

“Not really,” he grins. “Like in just a few moments, for example, I’m going to start snogging you.”

You opened your mouth to encourage him but shut it quickly when he closed the space between the two of you again, this time much closer than he was before. He was flush against you, and when you say you could feel everything; you could feel everything. You were almost begging for him to lean down and kiss you again by the time you felt his hands on you again, running delicately around the exposed skin of your hips when your shirt hiked up an inch on accident. He leaned down again, and with the advantage of his lowered height, you let your hands slide up his arms, biceps, and ultimately the nape of his neck where your fingers continued up into his hair. The breathiest gasp escaped his throat as you tugged at the ends gently, smirking to yourself when he closed his eyes in delight at the touch.

His lips came down onto your fast this time and hastily, pressing himself impossibly closer into you. You could feel his grip tighten against your hips, his hold moving upwards onto your waist as he continued to kiss you fervently. His teeth bit down softly on your bottom lip and you wasted no time in parting them slightly for his tongue to meet yours. You tugged at the platinum strands of hair again, feeling triumphant when a low groaning sound emitted from his throat at the sensation as he tilted his head to deepen the kiss further.

You knew you were done for when one of his hands slowly slid up your upper body, stopping first at your collarbones with warm fingertips fluttering over the skin, before he moved it upwards completely and he now had his large hand wrapped comfortably around your neck. You gasped in delight into the kiss, a swarm of butterflies going directly to your lower stomach as he squeezed against the artery in your neck meticulously, the coldness from his Malfoy family crest ring only adding fuel to the fire. He tore his mouth away from yours with his hand still clutched firmly around your throat and you were almost sent into orbit with the look he was giving you. A look filled with desire, adoration, and intensity - his pale gray eyes were much darker, almost a dark blue that resembled the starry night sky on a summer night.

Lips reattached themselves roughly and feverishly against your jawline, peppering long and tender kisses all the way towards your ear and then down towards your collarbones where he was beginning to undo the rest of the top buttons of your school dress shirt. You felt him smile against your hot skin when you’d writhe underneath him, emitting weak whimpers that you couldn’t hold back that he ended up having to clasp a free hand over your mouth as he whispered into your ear to stay quiet.

It didn’t matter that you were in the middle of a poorly lit corridor where anyone could walk past and see the frenzy that was unfolding, nor did it matter to Draco that his Prefect duties were long forgotten. Your friend was right, and everyone else for that matter; it wasn’t hate you felt for the blond at all, it was years and years of a craving and a hidden yearning packed with displaced tension.

And now, you were both exactly where you wanted to be; together.

[shurisneakers]

if you're taking ideas for harmless drabbles, i'd love to see one of bucky on one of those dates he mentioned and reader's shenanigans. if you aren't, feel free to ignore this!

a/n: are we really going to let a word limit define what a drabble is? is the vibe and spirit not enough? i say this bc this is 5.7k words long im so sorry. also hey thank you to everyone who piped in with their knowledge of violent geese and how apartment security works in new york!! also thanks to my bby @spiderrpcrker for reading this and telling me to publish this bc i wasnt going to fkjghfkj

warning: swearing, bad luck, dates, frustrated bucky, anxiety, mentions of gore but like only a sentence

here’s my ko-fi if you’d like to support my writing <333

Catch up with the rest of the series here: Harmless Masterlist

Bucky returns only two weeks later. His mission lasted longer than expected and all he wants is to lie down and sleep for forty eight hours straight.

“FRIDAY?” he mumbles, kicking off his shoes. His jacket had already been discarded by his bedroom door when he walked in.

“Yes, Sergeant Barnes?”

“How are ya?” He doesn’t miss a beat in asking, even though he’s exhausted.

“As good as ever. Did you have a successful mission?”

“If by successful you mean one sprained limb instead of two, then yeah.” He wasn’t really cribbing. His ankle was already starting to heal anyway and it was worth the roundhouse kick to a Nazi's face. “Do I have anything scheduled for this weekend?”

“You have a meeting on your calendar scheduled for this Saturday.”

“Could you send a text to Y/N and ask if we can push it to the next day?” His muscles feel sore and God, he could definitely use a hot shower but all of that becomes secondary the minute he feels the sheets under him.

“Would you like me to reschedule the other one as well?”

“What’s that?” He opens one eye in confusion. “There’s another one?”

“It’s on Sunday. You’ve labelled it ‘date’.”

Ah, fuck.

“Would you like me to change it?” FRIDAY never sounds like she’s judging him, which is nice. It also reminds him about how she, as an AI, can’t judge him, which is a rude wake-up call to how he doesn’t have friends.

“No,” his voice is muffled against the pillow, “no, let it be. Where is it again?”

“You’ve only specified diner, Sergeant Barnes.”

Public space, daytime, plenty of escape routes. Good on his less delirious self for selecting a diner.

“Thanks, FRIDAY.” Now that he’s a little more relaxed, he can feel himself slip in and out of consciousness.

“One last thing," her automated voice commands his attention again. "Y/N replied. She says sure and to take care.”

“Yay.” Not even a second later he’s out like a light.

____

“Did you bring me any souvenirs?” Is the first thing he hears as he marches into your lair.

“What could I possibly get you?”

“A postcard, a t-shirt.” You don’t look up from your tinkering.

“Decapitated finger, used bullets,” he continues, “cement blocks.”

“Ew.” You snap the lid shut on the thing you’re working on, spinning around on your chair. "That's not nearly romantic enough."

“That’s all you’re going to get from a Russian underground bunker.” He does a mini jog up the stairs of the platform to where you are.

“Does the finger have a ring at lea- oh hello?” You raise an eyebrow at the sight of him. “You look different.”

He peers down. The outfit was still all black. As always.

“Not your clothes, dummy,” you interrupt, making him look back at you. “Your face. What’d you do?”

He unconsciously raises a hand to his cheek.

“Did you wash your face? Is that it?” you squint at him. “Has it been a few months since the last time?”

“Wow, you’re so funny,” he drawls sarcastically.  “Top tier comedian right there.”

“No wait, it’s the beard.” You snap your fingers in realisation, completely ignoring his comment. “You trimmed it.”

“So what if I did?” He leans on your table.

“You going somewhere?” you ask, elastic snapping against your hands as you remove your gloves.

“It’s none of your busi-”

“Hold on a second.” A sly smile begins to make its way onto your face. “Are you going on a date, Bucky Barnes?”

His comeback dies down in his throat. That didn’t take you very long for you to figure out.

“I’m right, aren’t I?” You look smug, to say the least.

“Shut up.” A ray of light glistening distracts him. He traces it to the thing you were working on earlier.

“Where are you guys going?” You cross your arm across your chest, a small smirk on your face.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” It’s a silver box, engraved intricately with swirls that, when he observes carefully, looks like a skull. Wow, terrifying.

“I’m literally asking you.”

“What are those?” He shifts the conversation towards a more productive angle instead.

“Evil in a box and some other stuff.” You shrug offhandedly. “Is it a lunch date or just coffee?”

“Like Pandora’s Box?”

“A discount version, sure,” you confirmed impatiently. “Stop changing the topic, listen to me.”

He tilts his head, waiting for you to continue.

“Do you need a chaperone?” The sincerity in your voice for such a bullshit question has him scoffing.

“Good God- no, I do not need a chaperone. I’m 106 years old, I can go out unsupervised.” He reaches over and plucks the box off your table.

“Sir, you’re a geriatric."

“What are those?” He points to a few ray odd ray guns.

“Minor stuff you don’t have to worry about right now.”

He shakes the box in his hand. “What’s gonna happen if I open this?”

“Very bad things,” you whispered ominously before your volume returns to normal. “How’d you meet this person? Online?”

“She’s Natasha’s friend.” He turns the box over, seeing a small latch at the side. “What bad things?”

“Bad luck and misery. Don’t play with it, it’s dangerous.” You pull the box away from him. “Aw, is it a blind date?”

“Why do you care so much?” he shoots back, tugging the box back towards him.

“Just lookin’ out for you, Bucko,” you huff, adjusting your grip on your device. “Need to keep my favourite senior citizen safe.”

“I have a vibranium arm.” Whose force he could use to grab the box once and for all, but wasn’t. “I think I’ll be fine.”

“What if she has one too, huh? Then what?”

“She doesn’t.” As far as he knows, he’s the only one alive with a metal appendage made out of the strongest metal in the world. That could very well change by tomorrow but he's keeping the title for now.

“But what if she does? I swear to- stop trying to take the box!” You pull a little more forcefully, but he doesn’t relent.

“I want this to get over before this evening.”

“What time’s your date?”

“Why do you care?” He’s sure anyone who saw the dumb tug-of-war you both were playing would just automatically assume he was an absolute manchild, not an Avenger.

“Because.” You don’t explain further. “Tell me what time your date is, you weirdo.”

“Five o’clock, now let go.”

“Fine,” you say, suddenly loosening your grip. Clearly, it doesn't make much of a difference since he isn't struggling to keep his balance from the sudden loss of force.

“Fine.” He clears his throat, straightening up. 

You don’t say anything. He doesn’t either.

A putrid smell creeps into his nose, one all too similar to spoiled milk and decaying seaweed. He has to physically stop himself from gagging.

“Have a good day.” You smile and lean far back. Too far. It looks like you're almost going to fall out of the chair.

Through the tears that are threatening to line his eyelids, he looks down at the box whose latch you somehow managed to lift, leaving the box open.

“What the fuck is this?” He coughs, swatting at the air in front of him to clear it.

“I told you; bad luck in a box.”

“You can’t scientifically create bad luck, that’s bullshit.” He tosses the box back onto your table. You watch it slide past you, not making any effort to stop it. “What is it really?”

“I’m not lying.” You pull open a drawer, brandishing a small table fan that you set down beside you. “If you open it, you’re going to have terrible luck for the day.”

He glowers at you when you turn the fan on, forcing the fumes back towards him.

“Besides, that’s all I was doing today.” You kick your feet up. “So you can leave now.”

He doesn’t care if you’re lying about not having anything else to do today. You could burn down the world if you wanted to but he needs to take a stupid shower. Again.

“You’re the fuckin’ worst.” He tries airing out his shirt, hoping that the smell would dissipate as soon as possible.

“Have fun on your date, sarge!” you encourage him as he stalks out of the lair. “Remember to wrap it befo-”

He turns it into a sprint before you can finish.

____

Six hours later and he’s absolutely convinced he fucked up.

He isn’t used to having his weekends free.

He realises that this is the first time in months that he’s actually stepped out of the Tower for something that wasn’t directly mission-related. He should probably get some air. Touch some grass. See the sun.

His shirt thankfully manages to rid itself of the odour from the dumb box so he didn’t have to go take a shower. With nothing much planned and a few hours to spare, he heads to the coffee shop instead.

It’s a small place, bustling and alive with a crowd of people. They have a little bookshelf that usually is full of books donated by patrons, free for anyone to read.

The barista smiles at him. The coffee costs more than his high school education. He awkwardly smiles back.

He’s not a regular, but they’ve seen him enough times to know that he usually asks for black coffee in a to-go cup, later adding a sugar or two according to his own taste. They're nice to him, occasionally throwing in a cookie or something on the house. He can't tell if it's because of the Avenger status or the sizeable tip he leaves.

He picks up a random book from the shelf, fully intending not to read it but to just sit there and think. The book acted as a shield for his resting bitch face, resting murder face and his resting rage face. More often than not, a good combination of the three.

He sets the coffee down at the corner table he manages to nab in a quick second, along with the two sachets of sugar.

“Is this seat taken?” Someone asks from beside him. He earnestly shakes his head in a ‘no’, gesturing for them to take it.

They give him a quick thanks and drag the chair away from his table.

He does a quick overlook of the book he picked up.

The Princess Diaries by Meg Cabot.

Well, now he’s too anxious to put it back. YA fiction it is.

He reaches for the sugar while glossing over the summary. He reaches a little further when it doesn’t come to his hand immediately, blindly running his fingers across the table.

Bucky peeks over the book, eyebrows knitting together when he notices that they’re missing.

He was sure he picked it up.

He looks underneath the table. It wasn’t there, neither under his seat. Strange, but okay. He picks up the book and the cup, walking back to the station to grab two sugars.

This time he makes sure to tuck it into his pocket, double-checking before going back to his table.

Which was now occupied. He wanted to groan.

His mind automatically reverts back to the box from that morning.

“Come on,” he scoffs quietly to himself. It was a coincidence. “Get yourself together.”

“A seat at the counter just cleared up,” the barista from earlier offers when she sees him standing in the middle of the store.

See? Good luck.

He shoots her a grateful look, venturing over to the barstool to take his place. It’s not the most comfortable, but then again, he wasn’t planning to stay there for very long.

He empties the sugar into the coffee, stirring slowly before opening a random page in the book.

He takes a long sip, ignoring how hot the drink was.

He chokes immediately. Because either he was losing his mind or his order had somehow got switched from ‘no sugar’ to ‘diabetes in a cup’.

He takes another small sip and his face immediately twists in disgust. Definitely too sweet. The sweetener he added only made it worse.

He catches the eye of the barista. She looks on in concern.

“Is everything okay?”

Fuck.

He’s not one to make a scene. He just wants to live as imperceptibly as he could.

“Yep.” The sweetness sticks to the back of his throat. “All good.”

He just closes his eyes and downs the rest of it without thinking twice, trying to hide the grimace in his face. He gives her a weak thumbs up. She doesn't look convinced.

He leaves the shop soon after, hands shoved in his pocket. Maybe he could go sit by the lake at Central Park, watch the clouds. It reminded Bucky of the lake in front of his hut in Wakanda and the hours he'd sit in front of it, feet dipped into the water as his goats fed. He misses it.

He makes a sharp turn at a corner, still thinking about his options when his ankle abruptly twists under him.

He stumbles rather ungracefully, almost hitting the ground, but manages to save himself through the newly built up immunity he has towards falling thanks to all his encounters with you.

His gaze lands on his hardcore combat boots. Their laces had come undone.

Now he just knew that was horseshit. He always double knots them; they had never loosened in the past before.

The box.

He shoves the thought out of his head, crouching down to tie them again. He tugs on them to make sure they’re secure before standing up again.

Central Park is a few blocks away but he’s glad he didn’t bring his bike. The weather was rather nice and the wind in his hair felt good.

He wanders around the park for a while, looking for the lake. He pauses at a board with a map of the park on it, assessing how far it was.

Once he's ascertained which path to go towards, he turns on his heel to go.

He fucking trips again.

“Are you serious?” he says furiously under his breath. “Cut it out.”

He’s half-convinced that he should tie it around his ankle like a sexy lace-up set of heels. He ties a triple knot this time, glares at it until he’s sure it’s fine and checks to see if anyone saw him humiliate himself.

Only a person on a nearby bench who looked like they were passed out drunk, given that their hoodie and sunglasses clad self was slumped over.

No witnesses. No 'You won't BELIEVE what the Winter Soldier did! Critics say it's his biggest blunder yet!' articles the next day on social media.

He manages to make it to the lake in one piece and no more falls, partly because he keeps his eyes fixed on his shoes to ensure no fuckery occurs.

There are a few people rowing and plenty of others lining the bank at scattered locations. There’s a mom and her kid at the place he ends up. She sends him a small smile in greeting and he returns the favour.

There’s a secluded bench that he takes a place on, letting out a small sigh. If he ignores the traffic and the skateboarders and the people in general, it’s actually kind of peaceful.

There are geese and their little goslings swimming around the water close to the shore. Maybe he should have brought some birdseed. Or kale.

The kid beside him is busy fashioning something out of leaves, only occasionally erupting into giggles when it doesn't pan out. His mom watches him fondly, pointing at twigs he could use. Everything seems kind of picture-perfect and his body automatically relaxes, easing further into the seat and closing his eyes for a second.

Until there's a large splash and loud distressed honking. He whips his head around to find the same kid staring straight ahead at the goose with a wide grin. His mother curses quietly, picking herself up off the ground and grabbing his hand, half chastising him for throwing something at an animal and half urging him to walk faster.

The goose turns to Bucky. With no one else to blame for the sudden attack, it logically launches itself at him. His smile drops.

He gets up in a rush. The dumb bird nearly comes for his head, but he deflects with his metal arm.

“I didn’t even do anything.” He swats at it swiftly, trying not to cause any real damage. The goose, understandably, does not speak English.

He flinches when one of them bites at his knee. He can punt it to the sun but he doesn’t want to.

“Stop that.” He sticks his hand out to shove the stupid thing away, retreating back to the road. “Jesus, why are you so aggressive?”

Among the barrage of feathers showering on him, he prays his damn shoelace doesn’t unravel as he shields his head with one arm, the other fending himself while he moves hurriedly away.

The goose honks angrily at him. He scowls at it, not exactly pleased with the reminder that these fucking overgrown ducks were constantly bloodthirsty.

It doesn’t leave him alone till he’s significantly away from where he was sitting. He wants to call it profanity but that’d probably piss it off more.

The box and its effects were definitely starting to feel real.

Fuck it, no more day out for him. The best plan he can think of is to just go to the diner he’s supposed to meet his date at.

The waiter greets him with a courteous nod, which Bucky can only imagine was the best he could muster when a dishevelled 200-pound man walks in covered in goose feathers and irritation.

He won't admit that he’s too scared to eat lunch at this point because he can’t rule out food poisoning. He spends the next two hours on his phone playing Fruit Ninja and plucking feathers that accented his all-black outfit.

Several glasses of water later and a second before he’s about to beat his high score, someone taps on his shoulder, breaking him out of his concentration.

Motherfu-

He clenches his eye shut, inhaling deeply before turning around.

“James?”

“Hey, yeah, that’s me.” Bucky almost falls over the table with how fast he stands up, clearly underestimating his size. “Leah?”

“Hi.” She smiles and he finds himself smiling nervously along with her.

“Hi.” He steps out to pull out her chair for her and she laughs. "Nice to meet you."

“How long have you been waiting here?” she asks while setting down her bag.

“Around ten minutes.” He clears his throat to hopefully hide the fact that he was lying through his teeth.

“Just give me a second, I need to tell my friend I reached,” Leah pulls out her phone and he nods.

“Another glass of water for you?” The waiter seems less enthusiastic about Bucky’s 8th refill.

“Yes,” he answers, hoping he doesn’t call him out on it, “please.”

“You must be really dehydrated."

Bucky turns to look at him slowly. “I like the taste.”

He can’t really blame the guy. Bucky’s been there for hours without ordering anything solid, just leaching off their free water and complimentary bread basket.

“So, James.” She tosses her phone back into her bag, leaning forward on her palms easily. “Tell me about yourself.”

He had rehearsed this a million times. He could do this.

“I, uh,-”

“Menu?” Okay, so someone clearly had a vendetta against him.

“Thank you.” She takes it with a smile.

His morning debacle with the coffee flashes through his mind. Suddenly the idea of a diner didn’t seem so smart.

However, she’s already placed her order and George is standing beside him expectantly, daring him to ask for another glass of water, so he places his usual order and hopes that your stupid bad luck thing wore off.

He quickly learns that his date is laid back, and it isn’t hard to fall into a rhythm with her even though she’s the one asking most of the questions.

“How’d you meet Nat?” Is his attempt at one.

“She used to come in for lunch every week at the place I work.” Leah leans back in her chair. “She can really handle her alcohol.”

He’d be worried about Nat day drinking if he didn’t know about her complete inability to get drunk. She might as well have been downing glasses of lemonade.

“Yeah, she’s-” Intimidating, scary, cool “-really something.”

“She mentioned that you like movies.”  He definitely spends a lot of time watching them. “You got any recommendations?”

It’s easier to figure out how different things are or how much he missed out over the years through them. He’s glad he sat out the early 2000s, judging by their fashion sense and hairstyles.

He's watched several movies over the past few months, a few of them critically acclaimed and others who were just there for the cult following.

But now everything goes blank and the only thing that he can remember are the biopics made about Steve that were somehow hilarious for gifting him the mental image of Freddie Prinze Jr. dressed in the stars and stripes, and highly distressing for the number of historical inaccuracies. Contrary to popular belief, Stevie did not, in fact, consider running for president after he took up the shield, nor did he start his own bar chain.

He can’t name Oh Captain, My Captain starring Channing Tatum as his favourite movie on his first date and hope to make a good first impression.

“Despicable Me was kinda fun.” He wants to kill himself. “I mean, it’s the last one I saw.”

Her face twists in mild disgust, but he can tell it isn't ill-intentioned. “It's a good movie, but God, that just gave me some intense flashbacks to my aunt’s Facebook page. Don’t think I can look at a minion ever again.”

He sniggers with her. He doesn’t know what the context is.

He’s a little awkward, and he can definitely tell he isn’t the most open book but she laughs at some of his attempts at jokes. There’s a distinct discomfort he has lingering at the back of his mind prodding at him, telling him over and over again that he isn’t ready for something like this. A warning bell, asking him to leave as soon as possible because he was in a dangerous situation.

He remembers what his therapist told him about breathing and remembering that the resources he had available were greater than his anxiety and he tries to get out of his head. It takes a few minutes of acting like he's fine but he manages to do it.

Other than the one time he scalds his tongue on the coffee but played it off with a pained smile, shoving down thoughts of your stupid invention, things actually went okay.

It was nice, even though they decided by the end that it was better if they both gelled together better as friends. It lifts the strange fear he feels and he can hear Dr. Mendoza say she's proud of him for taking this step before spending three hours psychoanalysing why they decided to stay platonic.

Bucky promises to visit her sushi shop with Nat soon and she says a bottle of sake awaits him for a drinking game. He doesn’t have the heart to tell her that Nat and he share the same tolerance for alcohol.

He makes sure to leave George a tip. A big one. It’s the first time he sees the guy smile the entire evening.

He’s waving goodbye to Leah outside and he thinks that maybe it was a good end to the day and that things actually turned out fine.

Until he turns around to leave, only to have someone walk straight into him with an iced tea.

The cold comes as a bit of a shock, making him jump slightly. He stares at his shirt, using his fingertips to pull it away from his body.

The person melts into a series of apologies immediately, offering to dry clean his shirt but Bucky just forces a shake of his head and says it’s okay even though he can feel the sugar making the shirt stick to his chest. Goose feathers and iced tea. Was there anything else that would like to attach itself to him?

His fists clench and his teeth grit and he has to physically control himself from sprinting to your lair because God knows what else is in store for him and he didn't want to add in any way.

The door to the lair is locked. Fuckin’ brilliant.

When no one answers after minutes worth of waiting, he fishes for his phone and realises that maybe two hours of Fruit Ninja was not the best idea, especially on a phone known for having shitty battery life.

There’s roughly 2 percent left. By the time he opens his app to give you a call, his phone screen goes black.

He groans. He’s desperate at this point and under any other normal circumstances, he would have never, ever considered doing this.

But ten minutes later he’s outside your apartment building. You’re aware that he has your address; no doubt that it was in the SHIELD file he had gotten, and he knows that you know but it was still weird.

The buzzer has your last name listed next to it. He’s sure that he’ll break it if he keeps pressing it at this rate but he really needs you to let him in.

“Who the fu-” your voice comes through the intercom.

“I’m sorry for showing up like this, my phone died and I couldn’t reach you,” He breathes out as soon as he hears you. “But I need you to fix this.”

When he doesn’t hear a reply, he wonders if the thing actually worked. He’s about to start pressing it again-

“Bucky?” You sound a little surprised to hear him. “You’re at my house. Why are you at my house?”

“I need you to fix whatever this is.”

“What are you- fine, I’m buzzing you in,” your voice, initially confused soon trails off into something more dismissive.

There’s a soft click from the door, allowing him to push it open. The elevator is already on the same floor as him so he just uses that.

The elevator goes up a floor or two. His feet tap restlessly against the carpeted floor.

The lights turn off and everything comes to a standstill. His foot stops tapping.

He should have known. He should have fucking known.

Thirty seconds pass. He’s still in pitch darkness with the elevator showing no signs of moving.

In fact, he’s resigned to his fate. He sits down on the ground, only one step away from completely laying down and hoping someone finds his body here someday.

It’s six minutes of plain silence. He might as well get comfortable if he’s going to get stuck here for the rest of his life. Did he change his will? Does he even have a will?

There’s finally a whir. He thinks that maybe he’s going to plummet to his doom as the perfect end to this day, but then the light switches on and it starts moving upward.

It stops at the floor with a ding. He doesn’t get off the ground, only eyes the door wearily. With his luck, it wouldn’t open.

But it does and within a second he’s on his feet, scrambling to get out before it changes its mind.

He remembers your door number, basically charging down the hall to get to it.

The door is white and the paint is starting to chip off it. The handle itself is dented in a few places and he wonders if it was your fault or someone else's.

His knocks are rapid, agitated even. He doesn’t stop until he hears your loud shouts telling him to cut it out.

“What the hell were you doing, trying to break down my door?” It swings open, revealing you in your pajamas. “Haven’t you done that already? And where were you, I’ve been waiting for like, ten minutes.”

He honestly feels bad for showing up uninvited and highly flustered. He can’t imagine it’s a pretty sight either. "This bad luck shit- fix it. My whole day’s been fucked up.”

“What are you-” Your eyebrows knit together in confusion, taking in his appearance.

It takes you a second to realise what he’s talking about but when you do, your face settles.

“How was your date?” You lean against the door frame, arms crossed over your chest.

“Really,” He glowered at you, “that’s what you care about?”

“Yes.” You nod. “Did you have fun?”

He hesitates. “I guess?”

“Was she nice?”

“Yeah.” Where was this going.

“Good, I’m happy for you.” The smile on your face is genuine. “Look at you go, Casanova.”

“We agreed to be just friends, but that’s not the point here. Y/N,” he whines. “I have a mission next week, I can’t afford to fuck up. My whole day was off and I don’t want it to carry over.”

“Your whole day?” you questioned, standing up instead of leaning against the wall. “Buck-”

“Just fix it.”

“Okay.” You lift your hand up, extending it towards his face.

He waits for you to do something.

You flick him on the forehead.

“There,” you declare, going back to your previous position. “you’re cured.”

What.

He says exactly what he’s thinking.

You laugh. “Dude. I was fucking with you.”

Huh?

“Well, actually maybe just like, three things and then I got bored.”

He’s confused.

“You know,” you begin when he doesn’t reply, “taking the sugar packets, switching your coffee order when you were looking under the table, took your place when you left, the shoelaces.”

“The shoelaces?”

“Yeah.” You nod. “That’s the other ray gun you saw this morning. Unties your shoelaces. I stopped after that because I thought you figured it out.”

His face scrunches in puzzlement.

“I mean, you looked right at me and told me to cut it out.”

He racks his brain about what you could possibly be talking about before it hits him. The hungover person on the goddamn bench in the park.

“You were the one in the hoodie and sunglasses.”

“I just followed the Avengers’ code of disguise.” You shrug. “Turns out it kinda works. Also teleportation. So helpful.”

He forgot about the teleportation. That's why you could do all of it so fast without him noticing you were even there.

“What about the fucking geese?”

You pause for a second. “The geese?”

“And the elevator.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” The confusion on your face is apparent. “What geese and elevator? I have no idea what you’re saying right now.”

“Everything’s been a mess today,” he grumbles. “I don’t know what’s real or not.”

“I swear I had nothing to do with it other than what I mentioned.” There’s indignation on your features that quickly gives way to delight. “Holy shit, did I just accidentally invent portable bad luck?”

“Okay-” his palm finds its way to his forehead in exasperation, “-then what the hell was the smell?”

“What smell- oh, the one from the box?”

He nods briskly.

“Secretions Magnifique.” You snorted. “It’s a perfume. The worst rated one I could find.”

“Perfume?”

“With notes of milk, seaweed and sandalwood.”

“It wasn’t an inator?”

“No, it wasn- did you get vibe checked by a goose at the park?” You stifle a laugh when you notice a stray feather on his thigh.

“What does that even mean?” he asks in despair.

“I can see why it attacked you. You got bad juju.” You raise an eyebrow. “Maybe if you stop staring so much-”

“So I just have shit luck.” Is that a fucking relief or even worse?

“Well,” you begin but decide not to continue.

Even with all the irritability masking it, you could see that he genuinely was just not having a good time.

“Wait here a second.”

You leave him at the door. He shifts his balance and sighs, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. He still had to walk back to the Tower. Maybe he could grab a slice of pizza along the way since he skipped lunch.

“Okay, here.” You return with a large glass of water. He only looks at it. “It’s just water, I promise. You look like you ran a marathon."

He takes it from you sceptically, pushing away the urge to sniff at it. It’s gone within a few gulps.

You wait until he’s finished to point at his arm. He draws his eyebrows together, but you only curl your index finger and beckon for him to give you his hand.

He reluctantly extends it towards you.

“Don’t laugh,” you warn him, taking his metal arm. “This usually helps me.”

You tie a small bracelet around his wrist. It has a few beads, which he realises represent the colours of the solar system.

“Keep that for good luck.” You pat it gently after securing it. “I think you just had a bad day; those don’t last very long. Do you want to charge your phone before you leave?”

“Uh-” The bracelet’s pretty, the colours shine against the dark vibranium. “-no, I’m good. I’ll just leave.”

“Okay. Anything else I can help you with or will you be fine?”

He narrows his eyes. “You’re being suspiciously nice.”

“I’m not evil all the time.” You huff. “My hours are in the morning.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” he says again. “I’m gonna go then.”

“See you next week.” You give him a little wave. “I’d say break a leg on your mission but knowing your situation...”

He scoffs. “Thanks.”

You make a move to close the door when starts walking down the hallway towards the exit.

He adjusts the beads slightly so he can see them better. The Earth one has glitter in it. He thinks it’s cute.

“Bucky.”

He turns around.

There’s a hint of a smile on your face.

“Take the stairs.”

He doesn’t have to be told twice.

Next part