#i signed a new lease this week so i guess I'm really staying

[expatesque]

The weather has been gorgeous today and I played tennis and I roasted a whole head of cauliflower and I sat in a pool of sunlight while I drank a delicious drink out of my new cup and it was perfect. I'm so happy to be back in love with this city and this life.

[starrgaziinggg]

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS | LEE MINHO

PART NINE -> epilogue (6k words)

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"JEONGIN!"

There's moments in life when you're genuinely terrified. Like when you used to get called on from your scariest teacher with no clue what the answer to the question was. Or when you wake up in the middle of the night after hearing a loud noise and can't move a muscle for hours afterwards.

Now is one of those instances. You feel yourself practically jump out your skin when you hear Seungmin screech the younger boys name, taking your sunglasses off of your face instantly to catch a glimpse of the commotion.

How naive of you to expect a relaxing, stress relieving getaway with your friends. How naive indeed.

"You've crossed the line this time, kiddo," Seungmin seethes, traipsing round the decking in search of his target. "Where the hell is he?"

"Fuck me if I know," you say lazily, placing your sunglasses back on your face and settling yourself into your sun lounger again. You and Hyunjin had an ongoing competition to see who could get the best tan over the course of your week long holiday, and you'd be damned to waste precious sunbathing time whilst he was at the shops to get breakfast for everyone.

"Gross, don't say that," Seungmin grimaces, chucking you a bottle. "You're burning up, idiot."

You scoff, pulling your sunglasses off for the second time of the morning and dumping them beside you. "Am I really?"

"Yes," Seungmin responds, placing his hands on the railing that oversees the beach you were staying at, looking out to catch a glimpse of Jeongin before giving up and practically falling on top of the lounger beside you. "Unless the aim of the competition you've got with Hyunjin is to see who can look the most like a lobster by the end of the week, I'd lather up."

You sigh, picking up the bottle he'd handed you and rubbing the sunscreen into your arms and chest. "Why are you so mad at Jeongin, anyway?" You ask him, intrigued as to what had interrupted your morning detox. "And why did you think he'd be here?"

"He's a dumbass," Seungmin says, kicking his feet up on the sun lounger as if that explains anything. "And I thought he might be here since you're the only other person still at the resort."

"Everyone's gone?" You ask, closing the lid to the bottle and chucking it into the shade.

"Felix, Chan and Changbin went down to the sea front whilst Minho, Hyunjin and Jisung were at the shops. Jeongin must have gone with them," Seungmin explains, shaking his head. "I'm seriously going to kill him when I find him again."

"I swear if you don't explain what he's done, I'm taking your name off of the lease," you say, throwing him a side glance as you settle back into a comfortable position.

"You can't do that," he mocks, as if you would ever actually take his name off of the lease to your new apartment. You'd just signed it two weeks ago, with Hyunjin and Felix too. It had been stressful trying to find accommodation for your final year of uni, as you weren't entitled to on campus accommodation in fourth year. When Seungmin brought the idea of sharing an apartment close to campus with Hyunjin and Felix to you, it had been an obvious yes.

Sure, living with three boys was probably going to be a nightmare, but you'd just lived with Seungmin for a year and he'd practically kept you afloat, so no matter how messy Felix was or how late Hyunjin stayed up, you figured you could handle it.

"He left my flip flops outside in the scorching sun yesterday," he finally says, offering you an explanation. "I specifically told him not to, because I'd seen online that the brand can partially melt in extreme heat - and who would have guessed? I now have a pile of goo on the ground."

You can't stifle your laugh, giggling openly. It was just such a classic Jeongin move you'd come to realise. He was nothing short of a little shit when he wanted to be. "They can't be a very good brand if they melt in the sun."

Seungmin scoffs. "They weren't made for over 40°c heat. Plus, I may or may not have bought them from a dodgy website," he complains, though you know he's over exaggerating. You could put money on the fact his flip flops were only slightly damaged. "He knows exactly what he's done as well. He'd written an, 'I'm sorry, Seungmin' note right on top of the goo pile for me to wake up to this morning."

You laugh openly this time, shaking your head at your friends actions. "Unsurprising."

Seungmin hums. "Yeah, I'll get my revenge at some point," he assures you, turning to give you an evil grin. "He's gonna hate choosing me as a roommate for this trip, I swear."

The resort you were staying in abroad, found by Chan (of course, as the self proclaimed 'dad' of your friend group), had large apartment like rooms that joined together and allowed you a private stretch of gorgeous white sand beach. Each room had a balcony area overlooking the beach, which you were currently taking full advantage of.

"I thought you chose Jeongin as a roommate?" You ask, turning on your side to properly face your friend.

"Jeongin is the least gross out of everyone," Seungmin answers with a grimace. "Other than you, of course. But you're rooming with your lovey dovey -"

He doesn't get to finish his taunt, as the front door to your room flies open. "Honey, I'm home!" Minho shouts, walking through the slide doors onto the balcony. His flip flops patter against the decking before he flops down onto the edge of your sun lounger.

"You're not trying to steal my girlfriend, are you Seungmo?" Minho questions, tilting his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose.

"It wasn't funny the first time you said it, and it's still not funny now," Seungmin responds, making Minho chuckle. Since Minho had popped the big question a couple months ago, he hadn't shut up about you being his girlfriend. His friends, that had now easily become your best friends, were constantly telling him to shut up, especially Seungmin since he spent the most time with you.

"Boo hoo," Minho says lazily, moving himself on your lounger so he was nestled comfortably in between your legs.

"What did you get from the store?" You ask him as he lays his head on your chest.

"Some meat and stuff so we can have a barbecue tonight," he responds. "Snacks, alcohol - some tampons for you."

"TMI," Seungmin winces, though you knew he was only doing it for show in front of Minho. You'd spent a year living with him and he couldn't care less about your period.

"A woman's menstrual cycle is natural," Minho mocks, laughing when Seungmin puts his fingers in his ears.

"Shut up, Jesus," you groan. It was bad enough you'd had to go on holiday while you were at the end of your period, especially in a group of guys, but your boyfriend felt the need to show how 'cool' he was about it in front of your friends, which made him decidedly uncool.

"Anyway," Seungmin says, attempting to stray the conversation away from your menstrual cycle. "What's Hyunjin and Ji up to now?"

"Said they were dumping their shit in their room and meeting the other guys at the beach for the day," Minho explains, stretching his limbs as he looks up at you. "Thought we could join them?"

You him, nodding. "Yeah, sounds good. Seungmin?"

"I'll need to borrow a pair of your flip flops, Minho," he says, and you take that statement as a form of agreement. "Jeongin has decimated mine."

Minho chuckles, pulling himself up from off your chest to sit at the edge of your lounger again. "Fine by me. There's a spare pair sitting on top of my suitcase."

Seungmin grins, getting up to put on Minho's flip flops. "I'm gonna go get changed into swim shorts, I'll get you guys down there?"

"Aye aye, captain," Minho responds, shouting through as Seungmin walks out your room, leaving you and Minho alone on the balcony.

He bends down towards you, leaving a chaste kiss on your lips. "Hi."

You giggle at him, using your hand to shield your eyes from the sun as you look at him, pulling your knees up to your chest. "Hi. Thanks for the tampons, by the way. I forgot to ask for them."

"Yeah, I figured you'd forgotten," he replies lazily, tapping your knees with his fingers. "Not a problem for the best boyfriend ever."

You chuckle at him, shaking your head. Minho had voiced his concerns about not being able to be enough for you, as he'd never been in a proper relationship before, but you'd assured him you'd be able to work at it together. And here you were, happier than you'd been in a long time.

"You look pretty," Minho states outwardly, and you smile knowing he means it. You'd come to realise he didn't give out compliments easily, so when he did it made your heart melt. "Last I saw you, you were a zombie in bed."

"Yeah, well, we were up late last night," you say, which makes Minho snicker. You whack him on the arm. "Don't be crude."

"Says you!" He laughs, grabbing your hand to stop you from whacking him again. You take a second to eye him up - shirtless, in just a pair of swim shorts and flip flops, you thought about how lucky you were that your boyfriend was perhaps the hottest man on the planet.

"Stop eye fucking me," he says slyly, narrowing his eyes at you.

"I'm not eye fucking you," you counter, crossing your arms. That turns out to be a mistake, when Minho's eyes go straight to your boobs.

"You know," he starts lowly, moving closer to you to push a strand of hair behind your ear. "We haven't countered period sex yet, but if you -"

You don't even need to whack him for that one, because he gets hit in the face with a blow up beach ball. Cackling, you catch a glimpse of the perpetrator.

"Get a room!" Hyunjin shouts, laughing maniacally as his bleach blonde hair flies out around him, and you just know Minho's going to kill him for that.

"We have a room!" Minho shouts back, throwing the beach ball back to Hyunjin which he catches, walking up to your balcony from the beach, shirtless and dripping wet. You assume he's already been in the sea.

"Maybe use it?" He says cheekily, and you roll your eyes. "We're gonna play volleyball, get your asses out here."

"I refuse," you say, throwing your hands up with wide eyes. "Not after last time."

Hyunjin giggles, remembering your game on the first day you'd arrived, and how your bikini top had come undone whilst you tried to save the ball. That was not one of your finest moments.

"You can be umpire," he says, tilting his head. You look towards Minho who shrugs, so you turn back to Hyunjin and nod.

"Fine," you say in defeat, standing up off your sun lounger and grabbing your phone and the keys to your room, so you can lock the front and sliding doors and jump the barrier of your balcony onto the beach.

The boys are all round the corner from your balcony, their towels laid out on the sand with some beach umbrellas propped up. Jeongin and Felix are chasing each other up and down the coastline with water guns, whilst Jisung and Seungmin are sprawled lazily out on their towels, taking refuge under the umbrellas from the blazing sunshine. Chan and Changbin are setting up the volleyball net.

As you, Hyunjin and Minho walk towards them, Felix and Jeongin abandon their fight, dropping the water guns by the boys feet.

"Didn't think you'd want to play after last time," Felix says breathlessly, giving you a cheeky grin when you hit him with your beach towel.

"We collectively agreed to never speak about it again," you seethed, listening to the other boys snickers. You choose to ignore Minho's smirk. "Besides, I'm reffing, and your teams already in the minus points."

"Why?" Felix groans, pouting at you.

"Attitude and bad behaviour. Ref rules," you throw back, placing your beach towel down and making yourself comfortable. Minho bends down to give you a peck, ignoring the guys cries of PDA and Jeongin covering his eyes before he calls team captain and the boys split up into two groups. Minho calls the second team captain and gets first pick, choosing Chan instantly.

They were unsurprisingly competitive, as you'd come to find out. If their beer pong tournaments were anything to go by, their volleyball games were even worse. You'd had to settle a multitude of arguments by half time alone - Jisung claiming Changbin was using foul play and Seungmin purposefully making the other team laugh to lose their attention.

Minho's team won in the end, which you could have seen coming from a mile away, since Chan practically carried any team he was on in terms of sports games. By sunset, half the guys had left to shower and the other half were setting up the barbecue, leaving you and Minho alone by the beachfront.

You watch the tide slowly make its way in and out again, the sound calming as Minho lay reading beside you. He's motionless, save from the periodic turn of the page of his book and his thumb swiping over your thigh when he found a comfortable position to hold his book with one hand.

The sun was slowly starting to set, the orange and pink hues of the sky mixing together like paint on a palette. When Minho turns the page to his book again, you pull your sunglasses off of the bridge of your nose to study him.

"What you reading?" You ask him, and he seems to finish the last sentence before looking over to you.

"A book," he says slyly, keeping his thumb in the middle of it but closing it over to look at you. He probs himself up on one arm.

"Oh yeah? Though it was an oven mitt," you reply sarcastically, rolling your eyes.

Minho raises an eyebrow at you. "Oven mitt?"

"First thing I thought of," you shrug, lowering yourself so that your lying flat on your back, closer to him. He looks down at you with a half smile. "But really, what book is it?"

Your boyfriend rolls his eyes as one hand pushes his dusty brown hair out his face, turning the cover of his book around to show you.

"How to deal with rude people with a smile," you read the title aloud as your eyes scan the front cover. "Is this a step by step guide?"

Minho chuckles, shaking his head as he pretends to snatch the book away from you. "No - if you must know, it's one of my favourites, and I'm rereading it and annotating it so I can give it to you."

You blink a couple times at his words, not really comprehending what he was saying. "You're going to gift it to me after you've annotated it?"

"Yeah," he replies, and you watch his ears tinge red - his tell. "After everything that happened with your ex and Sooyun, I just...I dunno. I read this when I needed to, and I thought you could benefit from it as well."

Minho will never let you live it down if you cry in front of him about this, claiming his superiority from his heartfelt gift, so you force a brave face. A smile comes naturally to you at the kind gesture.

"I love you so much, did you know," you say easily, shaking your head almost in disbelief. Minho had opened up to you more than you'd ever thought he would after making your relationship official. He told you about his family; his parents who he loved but did not spend a lot of time with due to them frowning upon his decision to drop his medical degree to pursue dance, how his cats meant everything to him and more...

This just felt as though he was sharing another little part of himself with you.

"What about you, then?" He says, unable to take the compliment without getting somewhat flustered as per usual. "You were reading something earlier in the week."

You hum, turning and digging the book out of your beach bag. You gently throw it onto his lap, watching as he inspects it like you had done his before handing it back to you.

"A poem book?" He says curiously. "'A mouthful of forevers'. Any good?"

"I love it. I've never been a big poem fan but this book...I dunno, her poems really speak to me."

"Okay you freak, read me one," he says blatantly, lying down flat on his back like you and crossing his arms, staring into the sky. He turns to you when you don't reply to him. "Please?"

You choose to ignore his shit eating grin when you open to one of the pages in the book you had dog eared.

"Love Poems, by Clementine Von Radics," you start with a huff, already feeling your tummy flutter under your boyfriends smirk and watchful eye. "I want to kiss you. Like big, fat kisses. Or angels. Or stars. Or something. I don't know. Love poems never make sense to me."

You pause for a second to catch your breath and sneak a peak at Minho as you do, and he's carefully watching you - a serious expression on his features as he nods at you for you to continue.

"Poets say things like Your teeth are flowers or Your eyes are miracles. But you aren't miracles. Or flowers. You are some sweet boy with a good smile and a shaky heart. Come kiss me. I'm in love with the miracle of your body—beside my body."

Minho stays quiet for a second, contemplating your words, and you can't help but feel sheepish.

"I like it because it reminds me of you," you say, although Minho's one of the smartest people you've ever met and you'd be damned if he hadn't already guessed that. "It's like - humans are never supposed to be these amazing, wondrous, beings. But you're you, and even though you will never be this unrealistic perfected poet concoction of a man, you have already shown me what perfect feels like. Because, I guess to me, perfect is good and bad things coexisting in this one little life with you."

There's not another second to babble on, because Minho's easily caught your lips with his own after moving swiftly so that he hovers over the top of you. He keeps himself propped up on an arm beside your head as he depends the kiss slightly before pulling away.

His hair tickles your forehead as he breathes, shaking his head at you. "You know I love you too, right?" He says lowly, dark eyes shifting between your own. "I don't say it that often, but I am so absolutely in love with you and sometimes I just have to sit with my thoughts because I have never known what I have done to deserve you."

His deep words make your heart fill and your grin crack. You figure you must be looking at him maniacally, but you don't care - not when you lowers his head to kiss you again, the feeling one that you will never take for granted. After these months you still feel the same butterflies you felt after that very first time.

"You're sooo in love with me," you can't help but to tease when he pulls away again, watching when he shakes his head with a chuckle. "You're practically on your knees for me."

"I could be later, if you quit acting like a brat in the middle of our nice moments," he says, tilting his head and placing a quick kiss to the tip of your nose. "Now, come on, cause -"

The distraction of Hyunjin and Jeongin making sex noises and kissy faces is one that you surprisingly enjoy, since it firstly means that Minho doesn't notice the way your cheeks are the same colour as your sunburn and secondly, that dinner must be ready. You successfully rope Jeongin into helping you pack up the beach stuff when Minho ends up in the midst of a physical fight with Hyunjin, the two men hollering and rolling around on the sand like children.

Whatever the issue was, you could assume Hyunjin deserved it. The two of them had been ridiculously close recently, after having talked out all their issues back when they weren't on the best of terms. You didn't know if it was just because you and Hyunjin were so close or because they'd finally had a deep discussion together, but they'd been practically inseparable the whole holiday.

Not that you are complaining - you'd take them clinging to each other over the two of them avoiding each other like the plague any day of the week.

"You and Minho hyung are cute," Jeongin goads as he folds Minho's towel, showing you his dimples and widening his eyes. "Kind of gross, but mostly cute."

You take the towel from him and shove it into your back, grabbing your water bottle and waiting for Jeongin to pick up Minho's water bottle before the two of you head towards your bedroom's balcony. "You think?"

He hums, nodding. "Everyone's been saying it all holiday. Especially Hyunjin, which is so weird. To think a couple months ago he was like your relationship's number one enemy is laughable."

You can't help but roll your eyes with a smile at the memory. "He was such a pain in the ass back then, huh?"

"Right?" Jeongin agrees, giving you a hand to help you climb over your balcony decking's railings when you reach it. "I don't know who was a bigger clock block, him or Felix."

He laughs with you when you can't help but to crack up, remembering that one time Minho was helping you dance in the practice rooms and Felix came in at the worst possible time, or when you and Minho were finally opening up to each other and Hyunjin just had to spread a rumour that wasn't true.

"Is it weird that I wouldn't change any of it?" You ask the younger boy, thanking him when he hands you the water bottle.

"Nah," he agrees, his freshly dyed bleach blonde hair (that he'd tried and failed to convince everyone he wasn't copying Hyunjin) forming waves from the sea water he hadn't washed out yet. "It's one hell of a story."

The distant calls for you both to hurry up remind you that you've got food waiting, so you lock your bedroom door and head out back again. By the time you round the corner, you spot the boys in a large circle - your boyfriend in charge of grilling the meat, whilst Felix is preparing what looks like bibimbap. Changbin's also putting together burger buns and salad as Jisung hands out the drinks Seungmin's pouring. Chan seems to be in charge of the whole orchestration, making sure everyone gets a bit of all the foods on their plate.

"You are a grand help," you say snidely to Hyunjin, the only one of them not helping, as he sprawls lazily on a deck chair by the unlit fire pit.

"I was sworn off preparations," he responds, not bothering to look at you. "I'm the visual."

Jeongin shares a look with you as you scoff, getting stuck in to helping when Chan starts handing you plates of food to place on people's seats. "You need a reality check."

"Chan?" He calls lazily.

"He's the visual," Chan shrugs as he hands you another plate, the other guys snickering. "Plus, Minho beat him up earlier."

"What was that even about?" You ask, wanting to be kept in the loop. Your boyfriend catches your eye, rolling his own in response. It's almost a shame to see he's put a t-shirt on, but the way he's rolled the sleeves up over his biceps and his cheeks flushed pink from the heat of the barbecue make you think otherwise.

Since Minho isn't giving you an answer, you turn to Hyunjin, who only gives you a smirk. He pulls his arms up by his head, resting against them. "I only told him that public sex on the beach is actually a crime, and nobody wants to see his massive -"

He doesn't get another word out, after getting hit in the face from a flying beef burger. Jeongin cracks up beside you, and you can't stifle your laugh either, especially when Chan starts shouting.

"We only have so much of them to go around!" He frets, counting out the food items with his fingers. "Stop acting like a child, Minho. Your girlfriends right there."

Minho waves at you with a grin, and you shake your head at him. Seungmin and Jisung finish pouring the drinks, making the rounds and placing them in the cup holders of each chair.

"She's just as bad as him," Seungmin scoffs, picking up a plate full of food and taking a seat beside you. "You know she made me pick out paint samples with her last week? Guess what colour she's painting her bedroom."

Your boyfriend raises you an eyebrow as he finishes passing out the rest of the meat and turns off the barbecue. It must have slipped your mind to inform him of your plans for your bedroom in the new apartment; you were still renting, but the landlord was extremely lenient and allowed you to paint wherever you wanted as long as the apartment looked how did did before you arrived when you eventually leave.

"She wants the ceiling to be pink," Seungmin groans, sending a wave of laughter through your friends. Sometimes being the only girl who regularly hung out with them sucked, and you made a mental note to at least attempt to find another female friend - preferably one who wouldn't steal your boyfriend.

"The ceiling? How are you even gonna reach that, shorty," Changbin laughs, ruffling your hair with his free hand before plonking himself in a seat next to Hyunjin, the rest of the chairs filling up pretty quickly. Minho takes the spare seat beside you, of course.

"I have a vision," you mumble inwardly, ignoring Minho's pout about how cute you were.

You had to admit, Minho's food was delicious - as was Felix's bibimbap, which wasn't to be unexpected. One of your favourite thing's about Minho was his dedication to making food for everyone, one of his love languages- though he'd never admit it out loud.

All of you eat well, chatting together about anything and everything. Hyunjin giving Felix extras from his plate when Felix had finished, the younger boy grinning at him in delight. Changbin and Chan engaging in an arm wrestle, in with Changbin dominates, of course. Jisung, Seungmin and Jeongin having a beer downing competition, spluttering with laughter when Jisung almost chokes on the drink. Minho, a hand on your thigh, watching his friends eat the food he'd made for them in contempt - all of it fills your heart.

To think how miserable you had been, in a relationship you had tried so hard to keep afloat, and a friendship that ended in distrust - how different your life was now was insane.

Hyunjin distracts you from your thoughts, calling your name as he stands up. "Yo, come help me get the ice creams from my room."

You roll your eyes at his request, but inevitably agree, standing up and narrowing your eyes at your boyfriend who slaps your ass as you do so.

"Come on lazy lumps," Hyunjin taunts, calling you as you run to catch up with him walking towards his room. "These ice creams won't get themselves."

"Alright, alright," you sigh, following him into his room and taking a bundle of ice creams he pulls out the freezer. "You're so clingy recently."

He scoffs, making a disgusted face at you. "I'm not clingy," he claims, whilst you tilt your head at him. He closes the freezer with the ice cream packets in his arms, sighing. "Okay, maybe I'm a bit clingy, but you can't blame me. There was a point I thought you and Minho would never talk to me again."

"You're so dramatic," you chuckle, as the two of you walk out the room and back towards your friends. "We've been over this a million times - I don't blame you for anything, and you'd never get rid of me or Minho that easily."

"I know, I know," he says, and you notice his faint smile. The sand gets in between your toes as you walk, so you take your flip flops off to walk barefoot. "I'm just happy about how everything's turned out. Don't tell Minho I said this, but the two of you have never been happier now that you're with each other, and I was a little bitch to think otherwise."

You laugh openly at his compliment, shoving his shoulder fondly as you reach your friends, handing out the ice cream packets.

"You're not trying to get with my girl, are you Hyun?" Minho comments cheekily, which everyone collectively groans at.

"Nobody is trying to steal your girlfriend, dickwad. That joke has been used and abused," Changbin whines, which your boyfriend grins at, as if this was the desired affect of his idiotic comment. Hyunjin only sticks his tongue out at him.

"Says the one that was all over her that first night at the bar," Minho jabs back, which Changbin just smirks at.

"We get it! I'm hot!" You say confidently, scrunching up your nose when Seungmin chucks a rolled up napkin at your face. "And anyway, Changbin's taken now."

Changbin widens his eyes at you as the other boys turn to him in shock because, oh shit, that was a secret you were not supposed to share. There's a chorus of irritated yelling forced towards Changbin, and he looks at you in despair.

"You have a girlfriend?" Felix shouts, standing up and pointing at Changbin. You shoot him a sorry glance as he waves his hands.

"Yes! Okay, it's a very recent thing," he groans. "And you! You were not supposed to tell them!"

You shrug your shoulders apologetically, secretly enjoying the chaos. Minho turns to you, an intrigued smirk on his face.

"And how did you know before any of us?" He asks, no distaste in his tone, just genuine intrigue. One of your favourite things about Minho was how he could not care less about your friendships with the guys, something your ex was almost always complaining about. Minho relished in the fact you got along so well with all his friends.

"I went by Changbin's place to get him to help me fix my broken bedside table for the new place, and she called him while I was over, so it was really only a coincidence," you explain with your hands up.

"Why did you need Changbin's help?" Hyunjin questions. "Am I not good enough?"

"You don't even own a toolbox, Hyun," you say, deadpan, turning to Minho. "And you were away working, so don't start."

"I know, I don't care," he says with a grin, and you laugh at how Hyunjin is more annoyed than Minho. Minho and you had trust and he didn't mind you spending time with others, but Hyunjin was a dramatic baby whenever he wasn't involved. Realistically he just had a bad case of FOMO.

"Anyway," Chan claps, steering the conversation in a different direction. "We're all happy for you Binnie, right guys?"

There's a collective mumble of agreement which you laugh at, watching Changbin get up off of his chair. "On that note, I'm gonna call said girlfriend before the time difference gets too ridiculous. Peace out sluts."

You shake your head at him with a smile, watching as he bounds along the sand towards his room.

"That's it," Jeongin whines. "We've lost another one."

"You're just jealous since you're single," Jisung prods the younger boy, which he shrugs at.

"Yeah," he sighs. "So real."

You drown out the guys conversation, discussing relationships and what not, as you pull out your phone, scrolling your instagram feed. A photo Seungmin posted of you, Felix and Hyunjin pops up - the two boys cracking dumb poses as you laugh at them. You like the photo with a smile, continuing your scroll. The next photo that arises is of Sooyun - a ring adorned on her finger.

Her and Doha had broken up not long after she'd come to your dorm. You'd spoken to her a couple times since then when you'd bumped into each other on campus, though your friendship had never resumed. It was for the best, to stay civil yet cut ties, because she'd hurt you badly and you'd never have trust for her again.

Yet, you were happy for her. She'd gotten into a relationship with one of her family friends from your hometown a couple months after her and Doha had broken up. They'd grown up together, and you'd always suspected they'd end up with each other. You weren't surprised when you heard they were together, and after a year they'd gotten engaged. She beamed in the photo, her fiancé looking at her adoringly as she held up her hand for the camera.

You like the photo, commenting 'congrats!' before showing the photo to Minho. He smiles, knowing you were over the drama and genuinely happy for your friend.

"Maybe it's a thing," he says, tapping your knee with his fingers absentmindedly. "After someone ends their relationship with Doha, they find the love of their life."

You shake your head at him with a smile, knowing he was probably right. The last you'd heard of Doha, he'd dropped out of university and was reputably known as a cheater in your area. Luckily, you hadn't seen him since you'd broken up with him, confirming the theory that when someone isn't meant to be in your life, you'll never see them again.

"I'm fucking exhausted," Jisung yawns, stretching out his limbs. "Should we call it a night, since we're up early to swim with dolphins tomorrow?"

Hyunjin nods, standing up. "Yeah, agreed. Felix, don't you dare let me sleep in. I can't wait to swim with dolphins!"

Felix rolls his eyes, joining Hyunjin as the two of them wave before heading off to their room. Chan starts getting all of your things together as the rest of you help, folding up the chairs and taking all your rubbish from the beach. You all say goodnight to each other as you part ways, you and Minho heading back to your room.

"I love it here," you say as soon as you close the sliding doors, locking them for the night and staring out at the view. "I never want to leave. It's like paradise."

"You know," Minho says, coming up behind you and wrapping his arms round your torso. "I was thinking, after you finish your degree next year, would you want to go travelling with me for a bit? By then I'll have a fair amount of money saved, so we could go wherever you want before you settle down to work."

"Really?" You ask, turning in his embrace to blink up at him. "You want to?"

"Of course. I've thought about it for a while. It would be fun, just the two of us, exploring."

You grin, kissing him on the lips. "I'd do anything and go anywhere as long as I'm with you, you know that, right?"

He chuckles, moving a strand of hair behind your ear. "And I you. Who would have thought friends with benefits could end up like this?"

You playfully hit his shoulder before pulling him into a hug, letting him wrap his arms around you.

"Who would have thought," you agree, sighing into his embrace and thanking the universe for letting your friends with benefits situation turn into the most beautiful love.

And friends with benefits, after a year, is fully complete. I hope you all enjoyed the epilogue, even though you had to wait forever for it. This story will always have a special place in my heart - it’s the reason so many of you read my fics and found my account. Thankyou always for the interactions on this series, love always 🫶🏻🫶🏻

taglist

@skzgallll @tangerminie @nepytune @jeyelleohe @judeduartewannabe @endzii23 @vixensss @odhnlzl101 @yoonguurt @trashieforchannie @xcookiemonsteer @kingsoowolves @woahsehun @laylasbunbunny @sahazzy @hyukastuffies @multifandomtrash-dree @sherlockholmes08 @iam2out @jisungxident @amnmich @linoots @galaxleeknow @kpopwh0r3 @fixation-dump @mal-lunar-28 @zerefdragn33l @i8rsie @strayluvr @yoontaethings @lomllino @biribarabiribbaem @downbadreading @where-is-innie @djeniryuu @lethallyprotected

[mamaestapa]

Welcome to Cincinnati

•pairing: Joe Burrow x reader

•series summary: Y/N Y/L/N moved to Cincinnati, Ohio for a new start. Move in day arrives and she discovers something terrible...the apartment complex gave her the wrong lease. Instead of living with who she originally was supposed to, she's now living with the hottest quarterback in the NFL, Joe Burrow. Y/N is stuck living in the same apartment with him for a year...which the two are not thrilled about. However, as time goes on, they realize that maybe this wasn't the worst thing that could happen to them. Will Y/N and Joe stay enemies, or will they find themselves falling in love?

•chapter summary: You arrive in Cincinnati and signs your lease to your new apartment

•word count: 939

•warnings: none

series masterlist

—————————————————————————

September 9, 2022

You smiled as you looked at the sign to your right.

Welcome to Cincinnati.

You finally arrived to your new home.

After years and years of traveling around the country, trying to find the perfect place to call home, you finally settled on Cincinnati, Ohio. Why Cincinnati you may ask? Well, hell, you guess there really isn't a reason why you chose Cincinnati. You visited the city once during a work trip for the company you used to work for and you ended up loving it.

You are moving to Cincinnati from Phoenix, Arizona. You used to work as a journalist for a fashion magazine. It was based in Arizona, but you spent your time traveling all across the country to write about new fashion trends, tips, and pretty much anything and everything that had to do with fashion. It was a fun job, but in late August you decided you needed a change. So you quit. You’d been working for them since you graduated from college, which was almost four years ago. It was time to move on.

So here you are, ready to start your new life in Cincinnati, Ohio.

You have no clue what you’ll do with your life while you’re here, but you have a feeling you’ll enjoy it—whatever it is you decide to do.

You pull into the parking lot of the apartment complex you are going to rent from for the next year.

Echelon Luxury Apartments.

You were afraid you wouldn't be able to afford one of these apartments, considering they are luxury. But the landlord told you there were many options in order to make your rent more affordable. You would be signing a lease for a two bedroom apartment. The catch, you have to have a roommate. Considering that you know absolutely nobody and you mean nobody in Cincinnati, you’ll have to sign onto a lease with a complete stranger.

What's the worse that could happen?

You cant imagine any roommate could be any worse than your dorm roommate freshman year of college.

Oh my lord. That girl was absolutely crazy. But, that's a story for another time.

You put your car into park and gather any paper work you may need in order to sign this lease. You weren’t even sure if you needed to bring anything, but you figured It's better to be safe than sorry. Getting out of your car, you walk into the front office. There was an older woman with brown hair and bright purple glasses sitting at the desk, looking at her computer. She looked up when she heard the bell at the door.

She smiled, "Hello. What can I do for you?"

You walked up to the desk, smiling, "Hi. I'm here to sign my lease. We talked on the phone last week?"

"Y/n?” she asked.

You nodded, "That's me."

"Awesome, yes, I have that right here." She said, grabbing a file off of her desk and placing it on the counter. She opened the file and pulled out the paperwork.

"So this," she held up a packet, "is general information about the apartment, what you can have, what you can't have, all that fun stuff." She placed it to the side.

"And this," she grabbed a pen, "is your lease. Sign on that line here and," she flipped a couple pages, "here."

You read through the papers. From reading, you found out your roommates name is Kayla. She's around your age and she's an elementary school teacher. She seems like she'd be sweet. To work with young kids, you have have to have a sweet personality. You got to the back page, where you needed to sign the lease. Without even thinking, you signed your name along the dotted line.

The woman smiled as she watched you sign. You put the pen down and handed her the paper.

"You're all set sweetie. Your move in day is tomorrow. Come anytime from noon to 3, please."

"Okay, sounds good. Thank you..."

"Carol."

"Thank you Carol," you smiled, "do I need to do anything else?"

She shook her head, "Nope. All that's left is moving in."

"Awesome, I'll see you tomorrow to get my key."

"Yep. Alright, bye bye hun."

You grabbed the packet she had given you and tucked it under your arm as you walked away. You wave good bye and thank her again before you go back out to your car. Once you’re in the car, you put the file into the glovebox. You pull your phone out and got on the GPS, looking for hotels nearby that you could stay the night since you don't move in to the apartment until tomorrow. Once you found a decent priced hotel room for one night, you pulled out of the parking lot and drove to the Marriott hotel you would be staying at.

As you drove, you couldn't help but get excited over the thought of moving in tomorrow.

You would finally be starting a new chapter of your life—and you couldn't wait.

What could possibly go wrong?

hey loves!!

this chapter was a little...all over the place, and super short. i apologize for that lol

my chapters aren't EVER this short, but i had to get things going! the next chapter though, that'll be much longer, and less boring, i PROMISE

i don't have much to say, just that i'm super excited to get this book going! i have some super fun chapters planned and i can't wait for you all to see what i have in mind for this book :)

[hey-michael-young-history]

Modern AU

A while back, I was writing a subscorp AU where Hanzo and Bi-Han are lawyers. I mean, I guess I'm STILL writing it 🤔

ANYWAY, I stopped right at the point where Kuai Liang decides to go see Hanzo after aggravating Bi-Han but this is a scene that would have been in a future chapter. I really like it because I worry about my characterization a lot (ESPECIALLY Kuai Liang, since he's younger here, but I've accepted it) and I think I nailed Bi-Han's canon "Annoyed at Everything and Everyone for Existing" attitude, while also making him a little less flat.

You might be seeing this again when I pick it back up, but enjoy!

“You cannot afford this.”

Bi-Han couldn’t take his eyes off of the itemized plan of care in front of him. 

Root canals. Crowns. Replacements. Mouth guards. Follow up appointments. 

“$21,000,” he whispered. His heart was sinking deeper and deeper. That was more than his sign on bonus but if he crunched the numbers hard enough, he could have had all of the money. He’d survived on fake ramen before, he could do it again. 

Except. 

Except he’d spent that money. Breaking his lease, moving into the new place, furnishing the bedroom that Kuai Liang had abandoned. 

He swallowed hard, hot tears tickling his eyes. Fucking Kuai Liang. Why didn’t he say something about the fucking ice or his fucking teeth or anything?

He told Hasashi everything and naturally, Hasashi took him to the most expensive fucking dentist in the whole fucking city. Now, this smug asshole had pulled him out of the office for a lunch Bi-Han surely couldn’t afford and definitely no longer had an appetite for, to gloat over the fact that he couldn’t afford this bullshit. 

“There is something wrong with every single one of his teeth,” Hanzo explained. “Some require simple fillings, some have extensive structural damage. Your brother has been very uncomfortable for a very long time.”

“Okay,” Bi-Han snapped. “So— okay, I’m not on the insurance yet. The probationary period—”

Hanzo shook his head. “I have taken care of it. He is getting the final procedures as we speak.”

Bi-Han balled his fists and concentrated on keeping his ice contained. A week. He’d texted Kuai Liang and tried to call but he just wouldn’t answer. 

He didn’t mean to hurt his feelings. 

He definitely didn’t want Kuai Liang running off with some stranger. 

“No, I’m going to pay—”

“Lin Bi-Han,” Hanzo said sharply. “There is nothing to pay.”

Now he was being treated like a child. “You’re lucky I don’t press charges. You kidnapped my brother.”

“Kuai Liang consented to both staying with me and his oral treatment plan,” Hanzo countered. 

“Fuck you,” Bi-Han spat. 

Hanzo only smirked. 

“I want him back. Did you bring me out here to threaten me? Fire me. I don’t care. I’m not selling my brother to you, you perverted fuck.”

The disgust on his stupid face was almost worth burning this bridge. “I’m not interested in buying Kuai Liang. He is under an enormous amount of stress.”

“Oh, he’s stressed,” Bi-Han sneered. “Poor Kuai Liang. All he has to do is go to school, do his homework, clean up after himself. And he can’t even fucking do that.”

Hanzo sighed. “I can understand your frustration. It is not easy, being responsible for someone. But your anger is affecting him. There is a strong person waiting to come out of your brother.”

“Out of Kuai Liang?” Bi-Han would have laughed if he wasn't so close to crying. 

Hanzo raised an eyebrow. “You begrudge his presence in your life, yet cruelly scoff at any attempt for independence.”

“Going to you is not independence,” Bi-Han snapped. “And I want him back.”

He threw the papers down and stormed out of the dining patio. Hanzo sighed. 

[breelandwalker]

Hello Bree!

Please, do you have a spell to get someone out of your house?

The situation is like this: I have this girl staying over for like 2 weeks until she can save some money to move into her own place.

The thing is, 2 weeks passed, she doesn’t only not save money, but she doesn’t seem to ever want to leave. And she disrespects my space and there is where I draw the line.

I would like her out of my house asap and because she’s taking advantage of me, I would like to never see her again.

Is there a spell for that?

Thank you for your time! ☺️

P.S. I know of this spell called “tell her to her face to get the hell out”, but it backfires as she is prone to making a scene like I am evil for not letting her stay indefinitely, plus she won’t get out.

Ohhh I've got something for this, yes indeed. It's very similar to the Get Out Of My House verbal incantation you mentioned, just with a little more oomph attached.

This can go one of two ways, depending on if you rent or own. If you're renting, review your lease for the policy on extended stays for persons who are not cosigners of said lease. Usually it's a week at most before management has the right to step in and ask them to leave. In that case, you let the person know that you cannot continue to offer them space per the terms of your lease and that if they do not remove themselves and their belongings, management will do it for them. You can either ask for your key back or pay for a re-keying if you think it's going to be an issue.

If you own the home, it's a little more straightforward. If the person has overstayed her welcome and refuses to leave, then she's trespassing. And you are well within your rights to remove her and her belongings or to call the local authorities to do so. Give her one week to get out and find new lodging. Put it on paper in clear terms and tell her she can either sign her name to it, which constitutes a binding legal agreement, or you can call the police and she can leave right effing now. If she pitches a fit or makes anything even resembling a threat, call them anyway on the emergency line. (I know we don't usually resort to calling the cops as a general rule, but "unwanted person who will not leave my home and makes me feel unsafe" is one of the exceptions.)

The minute she's out of the house, deadbolt the door behind her (steal your key back if necessary) and get the locks changed the very next day. If she leaves anything behind, you can put it on the doorstep in a box for her to pick up, but under no circumstances is she to be allowed back in. Try to get this all accomplished before she's been there a full month, in case she tries to claim squatter's rights. If possible, get yourself a restraining or no-contact order as well, just in case she tries anything once you've gotten her out.

And document EVERYTHING. Take pictures, take audio, take video, especially when you're discussing the terms of her exit. If she breaks something, dents the wall, threatens you, tries to lie about your agreement, or throws a fit, make sure you have proof. Always cover your ass.

It may SOUND heartless to some, but really it's just practical. You agreed to house her for a set period of time, which she has overstayed. She is not respecting you or your privacy and I'm guessing she's not paying rent or contributing to expenses either. So out she goes. She can throw a tantrum or bitch on social media or whine to your friend group all she wants, but you are not obligated to keep a toxic, disrespectful person under your roof simply because she is capable of making herself disagreeable in order to get her way. "No" is a complete sentence. And if other people in your circle are concerned with her well-being after she's removed from your home, THEY can host her.

Oh and you can back all this up with a little Banishing Powder sprinkled across your threshold if you really want, but the important thing to do is get the legal end of things taken care of quick, fast, and in a hurry.

Hope this helps!

[angellesword]

YOUR EYES TELL | JJK (11)

Summary: You live in a world where people see in black and white. The solution to finally see the colors? It’s simple. You need to meet your soulmate and look at him in the eyes, but what if the person bound to you is already contented with the monochromatic world? What if…Jeongguk, your soulmate, is already in love with someone else?

Alternatively:

“A future without you is a world without color.”

Genre: soulmate au, e2l, slow burn, ANGST, fluff, roommate au

Pairing: Artist!Jungkook x Lawyer!Reader

Word Count: 2.2k

SERIES:  CHAPTER 10 | CHAPTER 12

"You don't have to pay me, Guk."

 Jeongguk shook his head instantly. Yoongi was being absurd. How could he not pay his older friend?

 "I know you have the money, but I can't just take ten thousand dollars from you, hyung." The younger boy pouted his lips.

Yoongi should know by now that Jeongguk hated owing people something.

 Debt of gratitude sucked. It couldn't be paid. Ever. Jeongguk didn't want that. He hated sleeping at night thinking that someone out there could manipulate his feelings—this was how he perceived debt of gratitude: a manipulation. It was because he felt like he was bound please the person who helped him. It was as though he needed to act in accordance to the likes of said person.

 "Fine." Yoongi shrugged his shoulders as if he didn't care about any of this. "Pay me whenever you want,"

 Jeongguk snorted as your voice echoed inside his head. If you were here, you would tell Yoongi that he couldn't just tell his debtor to pay him whenever he wanted. This wasn't how it was supposed to go.

 Civil obligations like this one was only enforceable for ten years. If Jeongguk couldn't pay within the said period, the obligation would then become a natural one—something that would only be paid out of conscience.

 Jeongguk shook his head. Why was he thinking about the stupid law? Why couldn't he stop imagining your pretty smile as you talked about certain provisions? Why was he hesitating to accept his hyung's money?

 And most importantly, why didn't he want to leave you now?

 Your soulmate loaned thousands of dollars from Yoongi just so he could pay the down payment for the apartment that he wanted buy. He promised himself that he would terminate the lease of contract with you after four months. He just couldn't live with you anymore.

 You were supposed to be temporary in his life; however, with the way you were invading his mind even though you weren't around, Jeongguk realized that you were his constant.

 You were the only person who could tolerate his bratty attitude. You were the only person who couldn't get mad at him. You were the only person who made him feel special and needy—Jeon Jeongguk needed your attention so much that he felt like had to run.

 He didn't know when it started, especially because he believed he was not over Red yet.

 Red.

 Was Red the reason why Jeongguk wanted to leave you?

 This was what you thought while clutching the paper on your chest.

 It hurt, but as usual you had to pretend like you were okay.

 "Your parents are back in their hotel," said by Jeongguk the moment he entered your apartment.

 He was back from the thirty-minute drive.

 Your parents were scheduled to fly to Jeju Island tomorrow morning.

 "That's good." You discreetly wiped your tears away, trying so hard to make your tone sound enthusiastic. 

 Your back was facing him since you were afraid to let him see you crying.

 You didn't want to pester Jeongguk regarding his plan to leave. You felt like he wouldn't appreciate the drama you would obviously bring.

  Jeongguk didn't deserve drama—not when it was clear that he was exhausted. He took care of you these past weeks. The only thing you could do was to give him a damn break even if it meant sleepless night as questions like 'why am I not enough?' clouded your mind.

 "Thanks, Jeongguk. Goodnight!" You hastily added, refusing to look at him as you made your way to your room.

 "Wait," he stopped you like the way he did earlier today. This time, however, he stopped you by breaking your heart even more.

 "C-Can I sleep in your room tonight?" Jeongguk swallowed the lump in his throat; his heart was beating so fast.

 You flinched.

 How dare he ask something so insensitive?

 "Why?" Your lips trembled as you finally found the courage to look at him. It was a wrong move, though. You couldn't do it. You couldn't look at him without tears filling your eyes.

 Looking at Jeon Jeongguk made you realize what you could never have: him.

 You were grateful he's averting your gaze. Jeongguk couldn't meet your eyes as well. He was embarrassed and afraid. What if you rejected him? He didn't have any reason to cuddle with you tonight. Jimin was right. Your parents were the solution to help you get back on your feet. It was as though they had some kind of power. You didn't look like you needed your soulmate to make you feel better anymore. 

 You were back to your old self.

 Sadly Jeongguk had no idea that you were just pretending. He didn't know that you were forced to be okay once again. He wasn't even aware that he was one of the reasons why you're acting like everything was fine.

 "I just want to make sure you're alright," his voice was barely audible.

 Jeon Jeongguk was a liar. The truth was you weren't the only one getting used to cuddling with each other. Jeongguk was also craving to embrace you—to listen to your controlled breathing and raging heartbeat.

 "Really?" You suddenly huffed, causing Jeongguk to flick his gaze at you.

 Your soulmate was a good liar, you were not.

 There's a point where pain was too much to handle.

 Jeongguk was staring at you with puzzled expression. His mouth went agape upon seeing the tears streaming down your face.

 "You want to make sure I'm okay so you can finally leave?"

 "What?" He furrowed his brow, clearly not understanding the words you just said. How could he focus on anything when all he could see was your tears?

 Jeongguk wanted to wipe your stupid tears, but you weren't letting him.

 You took three steps backwards when he tried to reach for your face.

 Anger, frustration, and pain. All of these are visible in your eyes. Your thoughts were poisoning your mind—making you imagine what you thought Jeongguk felt.

 "You...called my parents b'cause you're t-tired of me, right?" You slurred.

 You wanted to run to your room since you knew you couldn't stop speaking your thoughts anymore. This wasn't right. You told yourself you weren't going to make this hard for your soulmate, so why couldn't he do the same thing for you?

 Why was he cornering you? Why couldn't he just go away? 

 And why couldn't you stop the venom in your words?

 "You don't want to deal with me anymore. You want to leave but you're guilty. You feel like you are responsible for my pain," this must be it. You kept thinking what triggered his sudden change of behavior. It couldn't be because he finally realized that he liked you too.

 No. That couldn't be right. The only plausible explanation for this was because of the guilt he felt. He only started to act like he cared when you told him that he hurt you too.

 "That's not true..." But Jeongguk was quick to dismiss the negative thoughts inside your head.

 You inhaled deeply. Fresh tears stained your cheeks.

 "What's the truth, then?" You picked up the paper that would prove his intention to leave.

 It was too late to stop now. You were already acting pathetic in front of him. 

 "Why didn't you tell me you bought an apartment?" You continued to ask despite knowing the reason.

 You didn't. You were imagining things. What you think was different from what Jeongguk felt. Admittedly, his eyes widened. He wasn't expecting you to confront him about this. Hell. You weren't even supposed to find out this way.

 Jeongguk was planning to simply sign the contract to terminate your lease agreement with him, leave your apartment in the middle of the night and never come back.

 Guess he couldn't do it now, huh?

 "I-I," he trailed off instantly. How could he explain this to you when he himself didn't know why he wanted to leave?

 Jeongguk wished it was easy to face his emotions. He identified them, but he still didn't know what to do—not even after spending weeks cuddling with you.

 He needed to be alone, he needed to figure out what he felt and what this all meant to him on his own.

 "Is it me, Gukkie?" You sobbed and your soulmate's heart clenched.

 Your back was against the wall, Jeongguk was standing so close to you to the point that he could literally see the tears forming in your eyes.

 It broke him more.

 "Did I cross the line? Am I being too pushy? Annoying? Hard do deal with?"

 Jeongguk could only bite his bottom lip.

 You proceeded to list the things your former maids despised about you.

 "Is Miri too much too handle? Am I picky with the food? Is it hard to wake me up in the morning?"

 Jeongguk avoided your eyes, his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down.

 You noticed that he couldn't speak. Why? Was it difficult to admit the truth?

 "Or am I not buying you enough things?"

 The conflicted boy shook his head vigorously. You did not understand anything.

 "Do you need a new laptop? New clothes? Art materials?" You sounded so desperate. "Tell me, Gukkie. I'll do anything you want."

 "I don't need you to do anything." He said coldly as he moved away from you.

 Pain attacked your chest when you saw indifference dancing in his face.

 "You're still leaving me?" You quivered in fear. You were really pathetic. You said to yourself that you wanted him to go away, but the thought of him actually leaving made your stomach turn upside down.

 "Yes."

 It felt like an arrow shot you in the heart.

 How could he not stutter? Was he really decided to leave you?

 Jeongguk saw how his answer affected you, so he immediately defended himself.

 "I mean it's about right. I told you I'm gonna stay here for a few months. It's over now. I don't want to be your tenant anymore."

 "But why!" You whined. This wasn't fair! How could he decide without consulting you first? This was a reciprocal obligation. You deserved to know his reasons.

 Jeongguk scowled. He wanted to leave now. It was getting unbearable to see you cry—it was as though his chest was going to explode.

 "Do I really need a reason?" His frown deepened. "Can't I just leave because I don't want to be with you anymore?" A lie.

 "You're lying." You refused to believe him even if you knew he was telling the truth. This wasn't you. You weren't like this. It was unlike of you to keep pushing Jeongguk. You teased him all the time, but you didn't mean to make him uncomfortable. His happiness was your top priority.

 You swore you just wanted to know the truth. You deserved a reasonable explanation. He couldn't just say he didn't want to be with you. If he couldn't love you, then he should at least be able to respect you like a normal person.

 "Why would I lie—"

 "Because I'm your soulmate!" You cut him off. Your emotions were overflowing.

 Why couldn't you just let him go?

 "And I love you, Jeongguk." You cried. The table had turned. Just a few breaths ago, he was the one begging to touch you. Right now, however, it was you who was desperately trying to latch on him.

 Jeongguk pushed your hand away. He couldn't have you touching him. It would only make it harder for him to leave.

 "I love you so please don't leave me—"

 "You don't." He cut you off, flinching so hard because of how much he hated your confession. He felt like he was gonna puke.

 "I do, Guk. I love you—"

 "No!" Jeongguk insisted otherwise. He was being stubborn and it was irritating you.

 Who did he think he was to tell you what you felt?

 "You don't love me, okay!? You are wrong in all of this!" He took a step back. He was acting as if your touch was going to burn him.

 "You are delusional. Too caught up with the idea of soulmate that you failed to see the truth!"

 Jeongguk was shaking in frustration. He hated that he had to be mean just to make you understand things—similar to what Red did.

 "I can see the truth! I know the truth!" You carried on.

 He was the one being blinded here, not you.

 "You're just ignoring the signs, Jeongguk. The universe wants us to be together!"

 This wasn't a coincidence. You couldn't be wrong—not when he could see colors because of the love you felt for him.

 But he used this against you.

 "I am not your soulmate." His jaw clenched. "Your eyes can tell."

 You stopped breathing.

 "Your eyes tell." He repeated.

 Your mouth felt dry.

 It felt like you had been stabbed straight in the heart.

 If he was your soulmate, if he ever loved you—or cared, you would see colors by now.

 But no.

 You still see in black and white.

 Your eyes would not lie because Jeon Jeongguk was right....

 Your Eyes Tell.

[vxnevermorevx]

Welcome to my mind

For the last three years, my mind has been... Well, shit. Not that it hadn't been on a steady decline for years prior.

Recently, someone named her Denise. My other me. "Because that's what she is..when something is the opposite of something it's de-. She's not nice, she's De-Nice..."

Denise.

The name give to the me that's not me but spends more time pretending to be me than I do.

*Character Bio*

When I'm not Denise, I'm Ginny and she was the most wonderful person. I miss her dearly.

I had a great childhood. Very few psychological events, in my opinion. We never had much money, but my mom made sure I never knew it. My father worked hard at both his job and destroying his marriage; which is probably one of the marks on my childhood. More to come on that, I'm sure.

I didn't have trouble in school, per se. Bullied only a handful of times in all my school years. My mom is a designer, so I wore things you couldn't find on stores throughout my whole school life. I was *always* ahead of the trend and some kids couldn't handle it. We're talking 1991-2003. So, jumpers, corsets, mesh dusters, pants with fur on the bottom, dressing like anime characters... I was the first of everyone around me to be dressing that way. And I loved it!

But I had my revenge, as my hecklers could be seen wearing the same things they made fun of me for, after it became trendy. I guess you didn't have to be dead to be caught wearing that after all...

I struggled in math and excelled in art and writing. I had mostly good teachers, I think only one hated me.

I met all my best friends there. Can't say I've made all that many more in the years since. But, in my defense I'm surrounded by people who are nothing like me. You see, I grew up in Florida. All my vital youthful years were spent there. And now I live near Portland, Oregon. God, why? I even lost one of my dearest friends to the city. She completely changed from a fun, artistic girl who liked to draw, read, and cook...to...one of them. She's now a guilt vegan ( let's you know how disgusting you are for eating meat ) and is obsessed with shows that need to be cancelled. I had known this girl since first grade, she said she would follow the first friend who loved out of state. That was me, so she came out here too. Our friendship immediately began deteriorating as she would not allow me in my own room during the day, because she was talking to some loser friend of hers online. This person left her in a Walgreen's 20 miles from her home, on the wrong side of town, when we were all barely old enough to drive, because she was taking too long looking at eyeliner. But, she sounds like a solid individual to begin emulating. Are you serious? I watched my fully replacement take effect. 20 years of friendship completely gone in a matter of months. Have you ever watched someone stop carrying about you? Think about it. No, don't think about it. It's awful. She even physically ended our friendship. The first I had ever experienced. It was wrenching. But, I'm too far ahead now. I need to tell you how I got to Oregon.

Somewhere around me being 16, my dad stopped coming home. His mother had recently died and he knew some pretty shitty people willing to help him take the pain away. How does a poor, dyslexic, hoodlum, with a history of abuse cure the blues? Crack, of course. My mom did all she knew how to do, but she was pretty done with it all. They got divorced and some rich old lady "saved" him and whisked him off to Maryland where he would suffer many years of depression for what he had done to his family.

Now, it was just my mother and me. I immediately got a job and gave her my entire paycheck to help keep us in our lovely house. But as fate would have it, the city claimed eminent domain on our house with plans to build a water treatment facility. So, they lowballed us on what our house was worth and gave us 6 months to move. Now, here's some important side information: my mom is an army brat who grew up with mountains her whole life, until moving to Florida for my dad, which was apparently one of the last places she ever wanted to be. And my chummy from another tummy, was born in Oregon and had recently left me to go to OSU. This girl is my sister by all counts but blood. So, with a few other helping factors the logical answer was to start anew. How completely different my life would have been if I stayed. Can't say it would be better, just 100% different from what it is now.

But, in 2005 we moved to Oregon on the promise that we would do all the things we wanted to do and be living in Seattle in a few years.

None of that worked out. I can still remember the first night we spent in our apartment. I hated it. I let everyone know too. I think I cried for a week. I just wanted to go home. My Sisi was too far away to see her more often than the weekends and slowly her grades began to falter. This led to her dropping out and moving back to Florida just five months after I moved out here for her. I fell apart. I had only my mom and I love her, but sometimes you need your friends... You know? We did what we could and took jobs we hated and tried to get used to our new surroundings. I'm apparently a spoiled brat so I'm sure I made things painful for my mom who was finally back in her element and here I was stomping around telling everyone how much I hated it. Hate it. Present tense. I know the whole world is a cess pool of hipster, millennial idiots who all think that they know how to run the world, but the concentration of their free-for-all holier-than-thou ways is as dense here as the trees. It's exhausting listening to people who haven't showered in a week tell you how special they are because they have this heightened awareness that they learned from some Joe Blow and happens to not be fact at all. I have had a 24 year old Hispanic girl tell me that only white people can be racist, everyone else is prejudice. I told her that that in itself was a racist statement. And she said "no it's not. My teacher told me, and she has a PhD." I don't think I need to explain the definition of racism, but I do think Manson could have thrived in this town.

Fast forward quite a few years and we are both still in Oregon working jobs we hate not getting any of the things done we said we would. Are we lazy? Are we depressed? I'm sure it's both.

But, a small miracle comes my way, as I'm getting dressed to go down to the office to sign the next years lease I get a call from a woman who used to work with me. She asks if we are still looking for a new place to live and I tell her yes! We end up renting her townhouse from her because she's getting married. She proves to be a terrible landlord, probably because she's not all that good at being a person. She's really great at other things, but not that. Somme people are like that. But, I also haven't learned how to speak Oregonian in the 14 years I have been here.

A few more years and we end up buying the house and I have changed jobs for my health and things are looking up. I lose some of the weight I had acquired in my sorrows. I even find a guy that I can tolerate. Mostly bc he's 4000 miles away in another country. But, I struggle to find my way in our incredibly mismatched relationship. And he's so smart. So, successful... Here it comes... "what's he doing with a loser like me?"

My friends.... They all have something to show for their lives: degrees, children (Im not interested in these things,) husbands, jobs they don't hate....

I have a mortgage and a ridiculously high HOA, two payed off cars, 50 extra pounds on my ass, a job I'm not particularly built for, and a guy whom I love differently than he loves me.

I'm killing it.... Or myself. One way or the other. "I still haven't figured that shit out yet " -Eddie Murphy

I think this a pretty good place to stop for now. You should have a good amount of reference points for the following posts which will entirely be me, describing my chronic severe depression hoping that someone somewhere might read it and know they are not alone. I feel such a sense of validation when I read something from someone who feels the same as I do. This blog isn't for attention or critiquing, as most will likely be written when things like grammar and story structure aren't focused on. It's purely to get the chaos out so, I can organize it.

I don't know who you are but if you're reading this far, please stay tuned if you want to say "Wow, that's exactly how I feel."

Do good.

[mossy-graveyard]

I haven't been sleeping well lately.

I swear it started with the move. That's when my hallucinations started getting bad.

Ok, I should explain that one. I guess it actually starts in High-school, when I, young dumb and full of Wisdom, dropped LSD for the first time. You know how when they tell you don't do hallucinogens when you're in a bad mental state? There's a reason they tell you that.

I had the worse trip of my life. Experienced what I later learned was called Ego Death. When everything stopped being and just devolved into shapes. Blurbs and blobs and everything became just..

This isn't about my bad trip. The point of me telling you about the trip is that it permenatly fucked me up. When I'm not directly focusing on something, the corner of my vision swirls. I hear random knocks when there are none. See flashes of things I can't quite get a look at.

Luckily though, I live with my boyfriend and best friend. I can normally gage by their reactions if it's all in my head, or if I really need to be worried. And when I'm alone, I have my dog to help me. I've actually gotten pretty good at just telling myself not to worry. It's in my head. To keep calm.

Until fucking now. Until the fucking move. I should have known when we were signing our lease. It said, in our lease, that we weren't allowed in the attic. Which, was weird to me. Why couldn't we go into an attic that we were technically paying for?

Apprently, the Owner deemed it unsafe for us to be in the attic. Whatever, we needed to move, so we signed. For the first few weeks, everything was fine.. Before moving on, I feel it's important for you to know, the entry into the attic is In our garage, as is our washer and dryer.

I tell you this cause I was doing laundry when I first heard the knock. A knock coming from the attic. I just wrote it off as one of my typical auditory hallucinations, the same ones I've heard since senior year. I brushed it off, finished my laundry, and went back in.

But, I couldn't shake the feeling of eyes watching me. Even in my garage, in the middle of the summer in the south, I felt cold. I just told myself it was in my head. Typical Aiden, letting their paranoia get the better of them.

Right?

I had a new hallucination become common. Well, a few of them. I'd hear water running when I was home alone. Footsteps behind me. But, most troubling footsteps in the attic. And scratching from the attic. It was never when I had others around though. When I was alone in my craft room, or getting water in the middle of the night.

I swear I started to smell rot in the house.

I told myself I was being paranoid, acting crazy. I didn't have my normal indicators for proof. But, I had delt with this for what felt like forever. So, I had to just be crazy.

Then it started happening at night. My boyfriend works the night shift and my dog prefers to sleep in the couch, so im typically alone at night. Before this wasn't a problem. I'd learn go live with hearing things that were just in my head.

Seeing them was a different story.

Waking up in the middle of the night to see a head handing out of your ceiling by the neck, smiling at you with a rot filled mouth and yellow eyes that can't seemed to stay focused, will fuck you up. This was the first time I had gotten a good glimpse at a visual hallucination.

So I screamed my fucking head off. My roommate and my dog came running in. I took my eyes off the head to look at the door, but when I looked back, it was gone. I tried explaining to my roommate, I made eye contact (kinda) with a hallucination and that hadn't happened before. So, what I'd it was real. She smiled and pat my back, assures me that nightmares were a bitch to deal with. I'd feel better in the morning. She left, but to make me feel better closed my dog in my room with me.

I don't think either of us slept that night.

Things didn't get better. In fact,they got worse for me. The smell of rot would fill the air at random times, choking me out of my own home. I could swear I could hear the maggots and breathing in the walls. I hated this house. It would be my downfall.

My loved ones believed I was really experiencing these things, but thanks to my previously shattered mind, they didn't believe they were really. They hadn't experienced anything. Clearly, I was just losing my mind even more than I already had.

I should clarify they never said that verbally. It was all in the pity in their eyes.

My breaking point was a week ago. I was laying in bed, my dog curled next to me. I refused to sleep without her In the room anymore. I was just about to finmy drift off, as the smell of decay filled the room again. I tried to ignore it.

But my dog, Stormy, shot up in bed. Smelling the air.

A coincidence, this had to be a coincidence, right? Right?! I looked up, to the right corner of my ceiling, and there it was. Dangling out of my ceiling was the same corpse from months ago, now out to about his hips. Yellow foam dripping from his laughing mawl. Laughing at me. His (hers? Its?) Skin falling off to reveal maggot ridden muscle and bone. It struggled to free itself from my ceiling and crawl over to me.

"Its all in my head" I thought, "a hallucination, its all fake-" and then I realized Stormy was barking.

She wasn't just Barking, she was in full attack mode. Fur on edge and teeth on full display, positioning herself between me and the corpse. Barking and growling more viciously than I had ever seen her before.

Stormy saw it. She saw the body, she smelled the rot. She could see it. Is it fucked up to say I was overjoyed? I wasn't fucking crazy!

Oh god, I wasn't fucking Crazy. There really was something evil and malignant in my house. In my fucking attic. I stopped thinking at that point.

I jumped out of bed and ran to my garage, pajamas doing very little to shield me from the now visous winter cold. I rushed to my attic and pulled down the cord.

I was instantly hit with the smell I had become all too accustomed too. How much of it was really in my head? I began to climb the rickety ladder up, the smell only getting more putrid. Why was I doing this? What was I to gain?

When I reached the top, the darkness of the attic was almost inviting. A last chance to turn back. I declined the invitation by pulling out my phone and turning on the flashlight, the corpses cackling still ringing in my ears.

It wasn't even wrapped. The made no moves to hide it. A body laid before me. One I had seen before as an apparition, but now was there, in whatever flesh was left, right before my eyes.

I was trying to process so many things at once and trying not to barf when it moved.

I don't remember much after that. Apprently my partner came home and found me on the floor of our garage, the latter to the attic hanging out inches away from me. The smell compelled him to go up and see what was going on.

Cops were called, the investigation is on going. My family would have been screwed, but, an autopsy report proved the date of death was before we got into the house, and the clause in out lease saying we weren't allowed in the attic was enough to put the suspicion on the owner.

The owner they still have yet to find.

Good news is finding a corpse in your attic is apparently reason enough to break a lease. It would have been up in a few months anyway. We found a new house. One that actually will let us go into the attic. It has 2 storm cellers though, which is weird.

Our realtor said that when the owner installed the new celler, they never bothered to remove the old one. Which, is fair enough I guess. We can go down there, but it's recommended we don't. Who knows what kind of creature or bug may have taken up residence in the many years since its been used.

I thought I was ok with this. Except...well...

I keep hearing knocks from the old celler. I'm pretty sure that's just my hallucinations acting up again though. I mean it has to be right? What's the chances of finding 2 corpses in 2 different houses I've moved to?

It has to be my imagination. Either way though. I haven't been sleeping well lately because of it.

[kyunsies]

Hello Mädch ahsdjaksdh <3 !!

how is college going? dw, I hope you are settling in super well and feeling optimistic about school and all the amazing things I know you are going to achieve this year! I am excited that you are starting your rotations now! you are going to do awesome, I know it! I'm sorry that you didn't get that ICU first like you wanted but hopefully it's all part of the plan so that you get it at the right time for you <3 let me know how they go, of course. I hope they go super well.

the week has been a bit weird to be honest, in my team I had a semi argument that was properly tense for the first time with someone and it was just so unpleasant. you know those people where they aren't horrible but you know that you'll never completely see eye to eye with them? i think it's just one of those things, where we'll never just completely read each other or get each other? and it's not, like, a massive issue or anything that we can't deal with, but I feel like usually I get on really well with people or not at all (all or nothing person I guess haha) but with this person I've just got to admit that we're always going to be a bit in the middle? like, we talked it over, and I've still found sometimes we misunderstand one another? so things are still good in work and clients, but with workpeople it has been the more difficult battle? hopefully we should get some more cool media stuff with the K-pop people soon, so that's an up?

OMGsh your coworkers are so much older than you! [lease do post a picture of your room, I am 100% confident that you have made it so dreamy and pretty. Thank you sm for telling me more about these operations though! I feel like everywhere is on red alert at the moment when it comes to health and care and making sure that people look after themselves and not put others at risk, you know? the doctors that to talk to me about my potential surgeries too have said the same but it's nice hearing it from a friend, you know? so thank youuuu <3 <3

I was the same as you, I would get so so so anxious and stressed if I wasn't studying or working or anything like that? but my mum is like your mum and grandma, where she gets up early too! but I feel like I need to do the late night thing instead? but then once I got into this crazy spiral where I would wake up really early and go to bed really late and like nap in between so I ended up like having two hours of sleep either side? that was peak wth at the time haha XD so now I try and let myself wake up a bit later really XD ha ha I'm in barely adulting! like I work so much but I don't earn a lot ha ha – I don't think that's very effective adulting? or like, I don't know I guess for a lot of people my age there's a work hard and hope it pays off thing in certain industries? so you're definitely more effectively adulting than me right now! like, you're going to do stuff that's gonna actively help people and you'll see that right in front of you, you know!!? sometimes my work gets out there but I rarely see directly if it gets to make peoples lives better you know? so the path you're on is so so admirable <3 <3 <3

I get you though, do you find that you thrive under the pressure even though it's sometimes a lot? I find that sometimes it does help me, but sometimes I forget to identify the times when it isn't helping me? or, sometimes I take it too far? so please look out for yourself and take care of yourself <3 and when you're worried if you're on the edge know that it's enough for you to take a rest and not be super perfect. i sometimes tell myself to except that I'm probably gonna make two or three stupid mistakes a day? It sounds kind of silly but it means that it makes it easier for me to accept when I mess up, idk, I think it helps me balance the pressure sometimes? i 100% understand what you're saying - at school do they have people that can directly help? or like peer supporters so it's not as stressful or official feeling as a therapist? if you ever want me to come off anon to help lemme know <3 i'm always here for you <3

oh my gosh your grandparents have been able to live long too! all my grandparents lived close to 100 before passing, and one of my grandmothers had the same as your grandfather. he sounds so sweet and so kind though! i love that he knows how to FaceTime you! Some of my aunts and uncles still don't properly haha. it sounds like he knows that he's super loved though, he's very lucky <3 <3 i've been thinking about all this really lovely stuff and how it grounds you when stuff like careers can stress you out and feel like the most important thing when it shouldn't be? what are the personality differences between the different areas of the US? my East Coast friends seem to straight talk a lot more than my West Coast friends? like they're a lot more realistic as opposed to being, I don't know laid-back or if not laid-back sometimes just more comfortable with superficial stuff? Not like my West Coast friends are superficial people, but I think they accept it as part of the world a bit better? my friends on the east coast will rail against that stuff a lot more, like they buy into the influencer bullshit less? but I guess these are all sweeping generalisations anyway... I might have to travel a bit in europe soon... I got asked to go to otaly for some work today, and to holland next month. Idk if it will end up happening though, things change all the time? I have to keep checking quarantine rules all the time with countries! but YAY and YES Europe tour trip one day :D !!!!!!!

you know what? when I first saw you compare bowling and golf I was like, wait, what? but now I totally get it! i know a golfer and they talk about how physical and strenuous it is on the arms and stuff all the time which I don't think always comes across when you watch it and it makes a lot of sense with how you describe how you trained for bowling! i used to cox in rowing and I always used to find it really funny that I said that was the sport I did because honestly I just sat in the boat all the time and steered XD

obligatory YES WTF ARE COTTON SCENTS! quite a few shops in the city where I live have been closing down because of Covid but our Jo Malone is still going strong! I love that lots of already classic clothing shops have now gone out of business but for some reason the people where I live cannot live without their perfume XD I think I'm gonna go in later this week or next week to take a look! with all this travelling I kind of want to buy something new? also, my hands have been acting up with injury so I have to rest my hands more anyway – so might as well look for perfume right? do you have any recommendations or would the blueberry one you've just gotten be at the top of your list?

the exciting thing is that I'm doing a bit less this week! I need to wait and see if that job wants me to fly out to Italy within the next 48 hours, if not next week, but if not I think I'm gonna figure out how to rehabilitate my joints a bit and get my brain okay? It's been existential Covid crisis week haha - I think a lot of me and my friends have been feeling like we've lost so much of our lives and potential during this time and I've really tried to hold in and ignore it for the past 18 months? i'm not one to ever feel lonely or to really really want to be in a relationship like some of my friends, but I've just been feeling it this week? like, I love my independence, but I wouldn't say no to a boyfriend right now you know? I feel silly saying that sometimes because I'm so against feeling like you have to have someone in your life to be okay, but I guess that's just a result of how the world is has been recently?? but I think all my feelings exploded around this stuff now so, I am trying to get back into a better place? so it's not as exciting as some of the stuff I've told you about before, but it's what's up I guess?

how are your mum and grandmother doing? are they doing good? [lease send all my love to them too. I'm glad these help you reflect on your week! they do with me too and I'm always happy to hear from you, no matter how long you might need <3 <3 hope you manage to reward yourself for working so hard these past days and that you remember you're always doing 110% so you deserve the best!

love you lots and lots - 💥

ANGEL HELLO !!!!!!!!! i told myself i would stay on top of this and swear in a timely manner but ;_____; a full week + 2 clinical rotations later here i am on a sunday, it seems this is always the case :( maybe my get back to you day will only be on sundays LOL i will try my best in the future babe, but ofc thank you so much for being patient with me <3

uni is going fine so far hun !!!! i've started clinical rotations as i've said on thursday and friday, and then my first exam is on tuesday so i read some chapters yesterday so i'm not squished for time lol :) and ,,,, what you said "hope it's all part of the plan" is very much my way of thinking lol wha is your sign? i'm a sagittarius and that's like, a philosophy i go by like everything is how it's supposed to be even if it's not what u want like everything will work itself out :') i'm wondering if we are one in the same !!!!! <3

and omg ;_____; conflict within the workplace is NEVER easy bc all everyone wants is to reach the goal you all are reaching and bc there's some bumps in the road it makes everything that much more stressful :( and i know exactly the type of person you are talking about LOL i've had to work with some of my peers in the hospital who really didn't treat me all that nicely , but i still have to partner up with them anyways bc we had to move a patient lol ; like they never do anything terrible to you but you just cannot come to a proper agreement with them? i know the feeling :( but i can tell you are doing ur absolute best ;_____; it's a tough situation ,,,,,,,,, but may i propose something ??? maybe since things are high stress in the workplace, would u be willing to meet them outside the workplace, like a quick coffee meet up and then discuss those issues? maybe talking about it in the work environment is way too stressful for both of u and it is hard to come to an agreement, but maybe in a calmer, more informal setting do u think maybe the both of u could be like "hey, what u were talking about i'm not really head over heels for but this is what i think and do u think we can do something where both of us will be happy?" im thinking maybe will opening up a means for more civilized discussion?? just a thought LOL :') let me know how it goes :( i hope u are all able to figure everything out !!!!!

about the surgeries !!!!! like i said i know it's super stressful to think about bc this is one of the very few times in life where things are absolutely out of our control and that scares us, and we as medical providers aren't supposed to give u a false sense of security, but i promise u everything will be just fine as long as u correctly follow up with care post-op :) we wouldn't want an infection !!!! >;( i remember last year i had a patient and she was going in for a routine colonoscopy and she was scared shitless ,,,,,,, but i was like "listen ma'am i know it can seem scary but i was just in there with the doctors and everything is super relaxed and they know what they're doing in there, you'll be out in no time and i'll be here waiting !!" and that seemed to help her a lot, after the surgery she was on me like flies on shit LOL she was like "THANK U HONEY" (but i think most of it was bc she was still drugged up hhh)

LOL us with our family members waking up early <3 literally this morning i decided to do my laundry at 8am (its only 10 right right now lol) but idk it just make u feel a little bit better doesn't it? but oh my gosh no i don't see u in this way at all ;_____; babe like you're already THERE in the world working and to me like ,,,,,, being an effective functioning person in society is like all i ever want i just want to be COMPETENT and the fact that u manage ppl ???? it's already a lot of responsibility but you do it everyday like you go to work u make food for yourself u pay bills like yes this all kinda sucks but you're there doing it and idk ,,,,,,,, like u being in this position is like yeah their surviving in the world and doing okay !!!! so that’s how i see u hun ;_____;

and i don’t think i necessarily thrive under pressure but i just kinda ,,,,,,, handle it?? like i think i handle my stress quite well !!! i think the reason why making mistakes scares me so much in my field is bc if i make a mistake i can like, kill someone or seriously harm them if i do something wrong SLKDFJ but i have to remember i’m still just a student and a lot of the things that i’ll learn won’t even be in these last few months of nursing school, but rather during my months of orientation on the floor i’ll be working on when i finally land a job ,,,,,, i know i just have to be patient and kind to myself, but it’s hard not having these high expectations for myself bc everyone else pushes themselves super hard (nurses i mean) so i feel like i should be too , ya know? ;_____; it’s a hard balance that i’ve yet to find but hopefully once i graduate i’ll have just a little bit more confidence in myself :’)

and omg your grandparents lived a long life as well !!!!!!!! a lot of my friends’ grandparents are really young still, so it’s hard for others to relate i think LOL but :(((( i’m really lucky to have them around still and like, i feel like my grandparents are the cornerstone of our whole entire family; once they pass i’m not quite sure what will happen ;_____; so i’m just trying to cherish every moment that i have with them even tho sometimes it’s stressful lol ; also BOUT THE DIFFERENCES FROM EAST TO WEST COAST LOL ; i think u described it really well actually :) like among the friends u have the are from different parts of the states, it’s very accurate in my opinion !! and again after all it is just a very broad assumption, in general east coasters have this “workaholic” attitude, they tend to be very realistic which i actually appreciate a lot lol, i’m hoping to live near the east coast when i move out <3 now where i am from it is considered the midwest even tho it’s more east than west if u look at it on the map LMAO and like, it’s really funny bc if u say to someone you’re from the midwest they’ll tell u our reputation is being “too nice” LSKDLFJSKLD and like that’s our thing, a happy medium between coasts with big cities but small towns too and generally just very chill and nice ,,,,,,,, the south of the US is also known for having that “southern hospitality” overall very cheerful ppl with personality and super kind attitude on life :) now the west of the US i’m not saying there aren’t nice ppl out there bc there are LOL but esp near lost angeles or hollywood ofc you’re going to have ppl very stuck up bc ya know they made it to big bad LA and they want to be trendy with all of the fake health shit (celery juice does NOTHING FOR U sorry lol) generally my view of the west is just very fake and i would never want to have my family grow up there LMAO but that generally like, california and washington but like, utah or wyoming or colorado are just absolutely gorgeous and they have small town ppl there bc there are a lot of ranches there ,,,,,,,, does any of this make sense to u ??? KLASFJ 

i’m going to skip a few paragraphs bc this is so long already LMAO but trust me i’ve read everything so far lol ; it seems like you’re doing a lot of traveling !!!!!! <3 i’m so jealous !!!!!!!! italy sounds so beautiful i would love love to go some day :( ALSO U SMELLED THE BLUEBELL PERFUME RIGHT ???? U LIKED IT ?????? doesn’t it smell absolutely divine??? no matter how many scents i smelled after that i knew it was the right one for me ldkfsdlkfj <3 i’m still so in love with it ;____; also about ur lil rant about feeling lonesome :( bub i can really relate to this and i feel the same way like my mom and the rest of my family never pushed me to meet anyone and i’ve always never had a problem making friends, but like, as i’m older and i realize i’ll be alone a lot more of my time once i graduate like i really do want to share my life with someone :( i have a lot of love and i want to be able to show it to someone i care about a lot but i just never really take the initiative to do that bc quite honestly i’m not confident in myself lMAO so ,,,,,,, i know we never feel like we need to be dependent on someone but sharing experiences with someone who feels very strongly for u seems nice, doesn’t it? i wish this for both of us really soon okay?? <3 i tell my friends i would LOVE to be engaged right now lskdjfslfjs :’)

but anyways !!!!!!!! my mom and the rest of my family is doing well <3 and i’m doing okay too !!!!!! i don’t want to bore u with how clinicals are going but if u want me to tell u just let me know LOL and angel i know i say it all the time but always thank u so much for being patient with me okay? u are the absolute best !!!!!! also as promised, here are a few pics of my dorm room LOL it’s a shoebox but it’s my shoebox :) enjoy !!!!!! 

[i-believe-in-melinda-may]

My New Cabeson story, find the first chapter below: 

Chapter 1:

AN: After the final of SVU and Organized crime I felt the need to write a story. I knew it would focus on Alex as she is my favorite, and I realized that I wanted to include the Stabler who we know the lease about, Elizabeth. So, she is going to be a big part of this story. This story will be A/O but will not diminish the importance of the relationship Liv and Elliot share. It will also include friendship between Alex and Barba as I'm a sucker for the head cannon that they went to law school together.

I will also be addressing plotlines that SVU dropped such as Antonio Montoya and the effect the shooting and being in WITSEC had on Alex. I may or may not be ignoring Conviction, I haven't decided.

April 30 th  2018

Thirteen days ago, Alexandra 'Alex' Cabot, former Ice Queen and ADA, once again walked away from Lieutenant Olivia Benson. While it was not the first time the Lawyer walked away from the Detective it does not mean it was easy. In fact, other than when she was getting in the car to be taken away by the martials, it was the hardest time.

For eighteen years Alex Cabot has been not so secretively in love with the brunette detective. It took Alex a long time accept her feelings, and by then she was sure that everyone other than the Detective herself knew. For Alex she was able to accept her feelings, but she was never able, and is still not able, to admit them to anyone other than her herself.

It has been six years since the last time Alex saw Olivia and the second, she saw her in that carpark all the feelings she has been pushed down came racing back. As the two of them talked, and fought, and drank together it felt like the old days; something Alex has deeply missed.

While Alex still believes that what she has been doing is the right thing, she also knows that it might not be right for all situations; something Olivia made her realize. So, for the last thirteen days Alex has been using her connections, family money, and experience to set up Vita Nova, an organization, a hope for suffers of domestic abuse.

Even though it is a Sunday morning Alex is the office space she has rented setting up things she is going to need. While it is just her for the moment she intends to get help eventually. As she works on setting up what will be her office Alex hears the elevator dig and as she is not expecting anyone she feels a flash of fear rise up inside of her; a side effect of two years in WITSEC that she can't quiet shake.

Walking out of her office Alex sees a young woman, who cannot be any older than about twenty-five, walking towards her. After so many years of helping victims Alex automatically looks her up and down searching for signs of injuries. When she does not see any Alex feels relieved, but also more confused.

"Can I help you?" Alex asks, the confusion she is feeling all too clear in her voice.

"You don't recognize me. I'm not surprised, it has been a while," the woman says, in a tone of voice which says she expects Alex to know who she is.

"I'm sorry? Who are you?" Alex asks, her confusion only growing.

"Liz Stabler," She introduces. "I'm…" Liz starts to say.

"Elliot's youngest daughter," Alex says amazed. "The last time I saw you you were ten chasing your brother around at the Squad picnic we were at," Alex says, not sure how rectify that little girl she used to know with the grown women standing before her, as while she saw Dickie at sixteen she never saw Elizabeth.

"And when I couldn't catch him you told me that I didn't have to be faster or stronger to beat him, I just had to be smarter," Liz remembers.

"You remember that?" Alex asks surprised.

"I never forgot," Liz admits, and Alex is incredibly touched by that.

"It's really good to see you, Elizabeth, but I don't know why you are here, or how you know about this place," Alex admits, not being able to help but be incredibly curious about how Liz found out about what she is doing.

"Call me Liz," Liz requests as only her parents, and Dickie, call her Elizabeth, everyone else, including her sisters and Eli, call her Liz, just like her siblings and parents are the only people who call Richard Dickie. "My boss told me about this place, said you might need some help, I'm here to offer my service," Liz explains.

"Your Boss?" Alex asks confused, as she gestures to two of the seats that are unpacked so they can both sit down.

"I'm a social worker I have been since 2014 when I graduated Columbia early," Liz explains, like it's no big deal.

"Congratulations," Alex says, feeling proud of her. "That's a difficult profession to choose," Alex admits.

"It never really felt like a choice, more like a calling," Liz admits, and Alex gives her an interested look. "You know Dad was a part of SVU my whole life, until I was eighteen. My whole life I watched Dad be a cop, fight for victims and to get the bad people and even though he and Mum tried to hide it I know the cases he worked, and I realized that I wanted to help people before it ever became something Dad had to handle, and that's why I became a social worker," Liz admits. "But in the last four years I have seen that the system is so broken and I knew I wanted to do more, so I applied to law school, got early admission to Columbia for the fall, and it's also why I'm here," Liz admits. "Ms Cabot, I remember you from when I was a kid. I remember how you would fight for victims, and I know about the people you've helped since leaving SVU," Liz reveals as she has worked with some of the women. "When my boss told me you were starting this place, and looking into hiring a social worker to help I knew I wanted to be a part of it too, that's why I'm here," Liz reveals.

"Call me Alex," Alex requests, and because of the look on Alex's face Liz finds it really hard to figure out what she is thinking. "If you know what I've been doing since leaving SVU then I need you to know that if I need to do that you will not be a part of that, I won't do that to you," Alex tells her, knowing that if Liz starts to work with her she will do everything in her power to keep her away from that and make sure nothing falls back on her. "But if you're sure that you want to be a part of Vita Nova then I will be thrilled to have you. You'll help me build this place into what I hope it can be, be a social worker, and once you've started Law School some paralegal work if you'd like," Alex offers.

"I'd love that," Liz says as she is pretty sure that there is no one better to learn from than Alex Cabot.

"Then welcome to Vita Nova Liz Stabler," Alex says, sticking out her hand for Liz to shake.

"Thank you, Alex," Liz says, with a grin as while she is sure that this is going to be hard work it is also work, she wants to be a part of.

March 21 st  2020

Almost two years have passed since Liz Stabler and Alex Cabot started working together at Vita Nova. In the two years Alex has become a mentor to Liz, and the two of them have become friends, but as she hasn't been sure how to tell him during their weekly phone calls, or even when she visited her parents and brother in Rome, Liz hasn't told her father who she is working with and Alex hasn't asked about Elliot; it seems that both of them feel that it is a subject better left unsaid.

Since founding Vita Nova Alex and Liz have been working hard and have managed to help a lot of victims of domestic violence, but there have also been victims that they were unfortunately not able to help for a wide variety of reasons. While they have causal and part time employees, which occasionally includes Kathleen Stabler who has become a psychologist focusing on Bi Polar Disorder, Alex and Liz are the only permanent, fulltime, employees, and everything Vita Nova is was built by the two of them.

In a manner of weeks, the world has completely changed, and not for the better. As she stands in her office and looks out at the bullpen full of masked Offices Captain Olivia Benson feels afraid about what is going to happen next.

For most of New York a stay at home order has been ordered, but that does not include Oliva and her team, and Olivia also suspects she knows someone else who will not follow the order; Alexandra Caroline Cabot. It has been almost two years since Olivia talked to the blonde Lawyer, turned vigilante, but so many times she has thought about her, wondered if she is safe, or if the partner of one of the women she has been helping have hurt her. Even with everything that is going on Olivia knows that if there is a woman, or children, in danger then there is no way Alex will stay home.

"You okay Captain?" Rollins asks as she has noticed that Olivia has been staring out to space for the last five minutes.

"I don't know," Olivia admits.

"Yeah, I don't think any of us are," Amanda admits. "All I know is that I'm gonna hold my girls extra close," Amanda explains.

"I'm going to do the same with Noah," Olivia admits, and she hears the sounds of heels walking along the floor, and just for second Olivia expects to see Alex, and is even a little disappointed when she doesn't.

"Liv?" Amanda asks concerned.

"I need to make a phone call," Olivia says, causing Amanda to be incredibly confused, as Olivia heads back into her office.

Before she has a chance to second guess herself Olivia picks up her cell and calls the number that Alex gave her the last time the two of them talked. Not even sure if the number is active Oliva waits as it rings until finally the line picks up, but it is silent.

"Alex?" Olivia asks, feeling her concern grow.

"Liv?" Alex's surprised voice asks, and Olivia feels relief.

"Yeah, it's me," Olivia confirms.

"It's been two years," Alex says, sounding surprised, but also glad.

"I know," Olivia confirms, feeling a little guilty about that but she also knows that Alex hasn't reached out either. "How are you?" Olivia asks.

"Healthy," Alex answers. "Right now, that's all I can ask for," Alex admits. "How are you?" Alex asks, having no idea what else to ask.

"I'm healthy too, so is Noah," Olivia explains, knowing that Alex learnt about her son the last time they talked.

"I'm really glad to hear that," Alex admits. "Liv I'm always happy to hear from you, but did you need something?" Alex asks curious.

"No…. I just wanted to check in," Olivia admits.

"Well I'm glad you did," Alex admits. "I've missed you," Alex admits, knowing that the fact that she has barely slept for the past week would have played a part in her being so honest.

"I've missed you too," Olivia admits, finding it easier to say it because she heard Alex say it first. "Alex…." Oliva says, and then trails of.

"Liv?"

"Stay safe, okay," Olivia requests.

"You're not going to tell me to stop what I'm doing?" Alex asks, both knowing what she is talking about.

"I know you well enough to know you won't stop," Olivia admits. "But I just need to know that you're at least being safe, especially now," Olivia admits.

"I'm doing my best," Alex admits. "I hope you're being safe too, Captain," Alex admits.

"You heard about that," Olivia says, not being able to explain why, but feeling glad that Alex seems to at least know about what is going on in her professional life.

"I keep informed," Alex admits.

"You know, that sounds a little stalkery Counsellor," Olivia comments, there being a level of amusement to her voice.

"Whatever you say Captain," Alex says, sounding amused, and as she does Olivia sees Fin walking towards her office.

"Hey Alex, I've got to go, Fin's coming my way and he's got the look on his face that tells me we've got work to do," Olivia admits.

"It never ends," Alex says. "Liv, call again sometimes okay, it's been nice to talk again," Alex admits.

"Phones work two ways counselor," Olivia reminds her.

"I'll remember that," Alex responds. "Bye Liv,"

"Bye Alex," Oliva says, before hanging up and gesturing for Fin to come into her office.

After hanging up with Olivia Alex just stares at her phone, feeling shocked that she actually talked to Olivia Benson again.

The next morning after another night of little sleep, though this time it was because she was thinking about the call she exchanges with Olivia, Alex is walking into the Vita Nova offices. Getting off the elevator Alex takes off her mask and as she walks towards her office, she sees the same sight that has greeted her basically every day for the past two years, Liz Stabler sitting at her desk.

"I told you that you didn't have to come in," Alex says as she walks towards the young woman.

"If you're here, I'm here," Liz informs her. "And I needed to be here," Liz says, slightly quieter, and because she knows Liz Alex can tell that there is something off about her voice.

"Liz, what's going on?" Alex asks concerned as she pulls up a chair, but makes sure to keep a reasonable distance away, and right away she notices that Liz looks hesitant to talk. "You know you can always talk to me, no matter what," Alex tells the young woman. In the two years that the two of them have been working together Alex has been a mentor to Liz, a sounding board, given advice, guidance, and support when needed, and been there for Liz when she needs it. In a lot of ways Alex has been a parental figure to Liz, but neither have voiced what they both know.

"I know Alex, I've known since you picked me up from the bar when I was drunk and heartbroken and had no idea who else to call," Liz admits, as why that night is foggy she knows that she knew she didn't want to call her siblings and it felt natural to call Alex. "It's my parents, and my brother Eli," Liz reveals.

"Are they okay? Has something happened?" Alex asks concerned, being very aware that this is the first time either of them have mentioned Elliot.

"They're in Rome," Liz reveals, as Alex feels her heart sink and realizes why Liz is acting the way she is. "After Dad left SVU they went to Europe, and he's been working in Rome for… years," Liz reveals. "I'm sorry I never told you," Liz says, looking a little guilty for that.

"It's okay, you don't have to apologize," Alex assures her. "I've thought about asking about your parents, your Dad, but I never knew how," Alex admits.

"Just like I never knew how to mention them," Liz admits, then sighs. "I'm scared for them, Alex, things are so bad there," Liz reveals, fear in her voice. "Eli's not even thirteen and he didn't grow up the same way the rest of us did, he doesn't know how careful he has to be," Liz explains. "Dad's still working and even as they stay home as much as possible Mom and Eli will have to leave the apartment occasionally," Liz explains, and Alex recognizes the signs of her spiraling. "If something happens, they're so far away, and we're not going to be able to help," Liz says, revealing all her fears, and Alex wants to reach out and comfort her, but giving the current situation she can't.

"Liz, I want to tell you that everything will be okay, and I hate that I can't," Alex admits. "I'm scared too, I'm scared for all the people who are quarantining with their abuses, I'm scared for Antonio because he hated being on Lockdown when we were in WITSEC so I have no idea how he's going to handle this, I'm scared for my old squad who are on the front line, and their families, I'm scared for my oldest friend who is in Iowa dealing with corrupt politicians surrounded by people who don't even believe the pandemic is real," Alex explains, and while Liz knows about Alex's time in Witsec, and is friends with Antonio Montoya, she also knows it's rare for Alex, or Antonio for that matter, to talk about that time. "We're living in frightening times, Liz, we've just got to take it one day at a time," Alex explains. "It's not going to be easy, but that's what we've got to do," Alex tells her. "Videocall your parents, and your brother, see for yourself that they are okay; it's only a little but it will help," Alex tells her.

"Yeah, I think I might do that," Liz admits. "Thanks Alex," Liz says.

"You never have to thank me, Liz. I'm always here to listen, and help when I can," Alex assures her, standing up.

"You are going on a coffee run?" Liz asks curious, knowing that Alex basically lives on coffee.

"No, I'm going to take my own advice," Alex says, heading into her office, and Liz gives her a curious look as she goes.

Walking into her office Alex, after closing the door behind her, puts her bag on her desk, sits down in her chair and pulls her phone and places a video call to Olivia.

Feeling a little nervous as she isn't sure that Olivia is going to be able to answer her Alex is very glad when Olivia actually does answer, even though it takes a little while.

"Twice in two days, this is a habit I could get used to," Olivia says, sounding glad and due to the fact that they are on video call Olivia can't help but take notice of every little detail of Alex Cabot; trying to pin point any differences.

"Me too," Alex answers.

"Where are you?" Olivia asks, as she doesn't recognize anything that is in Alex's background.

"My office," Alex reveals.

"Ah Vita Nova; New Life, good choice in names their Counsellor," Olivia comments as when she learnt what Alex called her organization she looked up what the name meant.

"It seemed appropriate," Alex admits. "And I see I'm not the only one who he's been keeping informed," Alex says, looking amused.

"What can I say, I'm a detective," Olivia responds. While she has looked into what Alex has been doing, she hasn't realized that Alex is working with Elizabeth Stabler.

"A good one at that," Alex responds, with a slightly flirty tone of voice.

"I've heard people say that" Olivia responds, and Alex just rolls her eyes in an amused way. "This is nice," Olivia admits, as even with all the horrible things that are going on, all the horrible things she has been through over the past few months, it is nice to talk to Alex again.

"It is," Alex confirms. "Things are so bad right now, I think we need to find the good where we can," Alex says, saying something remarkably similar to what she just told Liz.

"Are you saying that talking to me is a good thing, Al?" Olivia asks curious.

"It's a very good thing," Alex admits, and as she does she sees Liz walking towards her office. "And as much as I would very much like to keep talking to you, I've got to go," Alex admits. "Talk again soon?" Alex asks.

"Definitely," Olivia responds. "Bye Alex," Olivia says.

"Bye Olivia," Alex says, before hanging up, and once she hangs up she gestures to Liz to walk in. "How are they?" Alex asks curious, as Liz walks over and sits down across from her.

"Eli's annoyed that he can't see his friends, Mom's scared, Dad's dad, but they're all okay," Liz admits, looking relieved, as while it was only a quick call it was beyond good and exactly what she needed.

"That's good," Alex says.

"Yeah, I feel like a weight is off my chest," Liz admits. "I know they might not stay okay, but just to know they in this very moment they are… it's everything," Liz says, looking thrilled.

"That's great Liz," Alex tells her with a smile, and as she does her phone goes off with a message, which wipes the smile off her face. "And while I hate to put a damper on the good, we've got to talk about Brianne Harrison," Alex reveals.

"Has a hearing been scheduled?" Liz asks, looking interested.

"Not yet," Alex admits. "Her husband just breached the restraining order. She's at her doctors," Alex explains looking concerned.

"How bad?" Liz asks concerned.

"Bad," Alex says, standing up.

"The kids?" Liz asks concerned, knowing that Brianne has two kids. A son who is four, and a six-month-old daughter.

"With her," Alex explains. "I'm going to go talk to her, I need you to find out what happened, and get started on the paperwork," Alex explains.

"You've got it," Liz responds.

"Liz don't leave the offices. We'll figure out a plan for how we're going to adapt to this situation when I get back," Alex tells her.

"Okay," Liz responds, and once she does Alex heads out of the office, putting on her mask as she goes.